#but i am lazy and unmotivated af

[yamikuruku]

decided to draw my beloved Rakhan Nin in their new armor 👀 'new' well, it was collecting dust in my legacy cargo hold because i am bad with decisions lmao

[uchihaharlot]

Hi!! Just discovered your blog and love your writing — I’d love to see more Sasuke content!! he’s my absolute favorite 🫣🫠 personal headcanon but I feel like he’s the type that would fall for a friend, or friend of a friend, and not even realize it until he’s getting mad she’s not coming onto him like everyone else does, and then he thinks about that and he’s like oh wait…

and then he’d like make it his mission in life to get her to beg for him in evvvvery way 😏 if you are taking requests, I am horny af for him and would love to see your take on Sasuke finally *ahem* winning her over and giving her more than she knows what to do with, taking everything he wants from her…

but also mainly just any nsfw Sasuke content from you would make me sooo happy 🥵💕

Hello my lovely ☺️ welcome to my little slutty corner of the world and I’m glad you’re here. When I saw your request(s) I got so damn giddy. Sasuke was my original Uchiha bae. Called him, Sasbae 😂😂 I still love him, but more like an ex boyfriend now.

Lmao Sasuke inadvertently falling for a friend of a friend that he saw for all of ten minutes once is just too funny for me. And all too real for him. (SO LINKS WONT LET ME ADD THIS TO MY MASTERLIST??)

NSFW; Sasuke getting blown like the wind by a girl he couldn’t even wrap his head around; so she wraps her lips around his head

Like he wouldn’t even know what to do with himself. I think out of all the Uchiha, Sasuke is the easiest to fall the hardest. Maybe Shisui second, but he’s somewhat more precautionary with his heart. Sasuke just gets struck with Cupids arrow and his soul is on fire 🔥 his heart burns and his blood boils with the intensity of a thousand stars. He just goes from chill to one hundred too fast. And gets livid about it, Shisui consistently badgers him too which makes the situation even worse.

Of course this girl knows what’s coming; she’s not stupid. No woman is stupid when it comes to garnering the attention of an Uchiha…if you do manage to catch their eye(s); consider yourself lucky. And she’s going to milk it for every ounce it’s worth. Sasuke is also the baby Uchiha, so even as an adult now, he needs and wants a lot of attention. Many years of being doted on by his older brother has spoiled him a bit. And he won’t admit it, ever. It’s like fighting tooth and nail with the neighbor over whose side a single damn weed is growing on. He wants her affections first and without having to make a move, but he’s not lazy or unmotivated. He’s just rather expectant and catered too.

And dear Sasuke; he’s not a romantic man. lol. He’s the tough love kinda of guy, he actually likes to be the one who gets chased, but this girl doesn’t want to go that route, she wants to be hunted like prey. So when she doesn’t fall for his reverse psychology tactic (he tried to leave her hanging one day—just out of the blue and he was so awkward about it, which she found endearing). He gets even more mad! She knows the game all too well and he loathes her for it.

This goes on for several weeks. That push and pull between to stubborn individuals who want nothing more than to feel one another beneath the other, but also are scared of the consequences of getting hurt. It’s a slippery slope. And eventually Sasuke caves, falls right into her lap, I honestly don’t see him making the first move, but he is going to pester her about how she feels about him.

They will spend an afternoon sparring and mildly arguing about this. It’s so damn funny, arguing over who should make the first move. Who does that? Apparently Sasuke. And you know what, she just does it. Does it knowing full well he wasn’t expecting her to.

Pins him to the ground and kisses his lips soft, but deep. Holding his face tenderly as she brushes the hair from his eyes. His cheeks are glazed with pink; and if she hadn’t known any better…there was a shift in his breathing. Which causes her to slip her tongue over his bottom lip.

Yes, this is exactly what Sasuke envisioned. Just all the permission needed to rub his thumb over her clothed heat and make her gasp in his mouth. Each subsequent sound he swallows whole as his courage, and cock, grow beyond magnifying proportions. He doesn’t think or recall a time in his life where he’s ever been this hard.

Quickly, he’s exposed: her lithe fingers mapping and touching every crevice of his aching cock. He groans, even just mere touching he wants to cum. The moment her mouth hits his sensitive flesh; he’s a mess. Gripping her hair and squeezing his legs around her. It doesn’t take long for the familiar feeling of orgasm to barrel from balls to shaft, and he’s not ready. But he can’t stop it.

He’s probably never busted a load this fast or fat, how many minutes was that? Three? Five? He’s almost embarrassed that he’s cumming this fast in her mouth, but how could he not? The way her lips look plump with her wrapped around him. How easily she sucks him into the back of her throat, undulating her mouth and tongue over his shaft. Yea, he’s in heaven and when she hums. That’s when a torrent of his seed pulses down her gullet. Hot and sticky.

From there his cheeks are red; and he gets standoff-ish. Totally, very much Sasuke. Though he’s not a complete ass wipe, once his hearts out of his throat, the favor is more than ten fold reciprocated and by the gods. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is more arousing and ethereal than catching his lazy gaze as he swipes up her slit. Nose, mouth and chin dribbled with her slick, his grip on her waist holding her in place. Sasuke’s been considering this for months, months.

Making her girl brain into mashed potatoes is easy street, 1 2 3. All that cocky and arrogant banter between them was really just covert foreplay, and telling Sasuke how cute it was that he came fast was stupid. Really stupid, since all he has to do is suck on her clit, undoing her with solely his mouth. Nursing off her orgasm until she’s a jittery mess, incapable of sitting up afterwards. Can only stare at the sky, blinking and thinking how to fucking rack her brain around this.

It’s awkward, but just for a brief minute. Hormones aside, he’s lot entirely a touchy feely guy, but doesn’t protest when she wants to sit close to him afterwards under a tree. His dormant emotions take time to develop, to process all this outwardly. Inwardly he’s conveying them perfectly, but how he expresses them is something else.

[alillikethat]

Okay been depressed af since i got back from japan wtf lmfao

my friend i went with hasn’t responded to my texts in a week

my other friend i would talk to almost all day is suddenly barely responding to me

i got so many bills man. it’s only ever bills. i live and work to pay bills.

i hate my job and get so depressed every time i go but there is no point in switching jobs cuz ill be abroad in 4 months and i want to apply for leave of absence so i have a secure job when i get back

ive gained weight and feel so gross but am so unmotivated to workout

i saw a girl on insta ran a half marathon and i got depressed cuz i wanted to do that last year and was training but stopped cuz i got depressed and never started training again and it made me think of how i told my friend i wanted to do it and how im the type of person who just talks and doesnt act

partly laziness probably and the other half is cuz im so depressed and fatigued and unmotivated to do literally anything

i feel like im starting to get parasocial with h*echan bc my depression is taking over and im getting attached and it kinda freaked me out the other day

anything else…? 🫠

[song-tam]

okay I used to get kinda jealous like whenever I saw someone doing something that was, you know, like, my thing? like something that I was good at and then someone else just did it and that made me jealous and then I got ashamed that I was so envious because it really isn’t my thing and more than one person can do it—

but like? that jealousy isn’t actually that bad of a thing? like sometimes whenever I get discouraged I think of someone doing the thing and getting better at it and that just makes me want to be better too? like my damn pride refuses to let someone beat me if I care and as a result I get more competitive and work harder

tl;dr: jealousy is only actually really bad if you let those feelings take over and you start pitying yourself or legitimately hurting someone. it’s actually healthy when you use it to fuel yourself and become better.

[kpopsickies]

Happy New Year, have a skz sickfic

(this is going to be the last installment of the skz sick over christmas mini-series)

Sickies: Chan, Changbin, Minho, Jisung, Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin 

Caretaker(s): Hyunjin, Minho, Jeongin

pairings: Minsung, 2chan, Jeongmin, Hyunlix

Minho p.o.v

“Morning Hyunjin”

“hey hyung, how are you feeling?”

“still got a bit of a runny nose, but besides that, I’m doing a lot better”

“have you seen Sungie yet this morning?”

“yeah, he’s still asleep”

“really? He’s usually awake by now”

“There is a pretty good chance I got him sick”

“what did you do?”

“we were cuddling last night, and he just looked so kissable”  

*face palms* “of course you did” 

“how is Felix?”

“this morning when he was making breakfast he sneezed so hard he smacked his head on the counter, so I sent him back to bed”

“so who isn’t sick?”

“me, Innie, and if you are feeling enough better, maybe you can help me take care of all of the dying people”

“yeah, I’ll help, I might have to take a break every once in a while because I’m still pretty tired” 

“yeah that’s fine hyung, Jisung would kill me if you got more sick. “

“that’s very true”

“so, I was thinking the best would be Innie and I will take care of Seungmin, and Felix, then you with Jisung, and Chan, Bin was down here earlier, he’s still sick, but he said Chan is doing pretty bad, and we know that even if Binnie is sick he’s still gonna insist on caring for Chan.”

“ok, where’s Jeongin now?” 

“he’s with Seungmin”

“do you want to check on them and I’ll check on 3racha?”

“alright”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey baby”

“you got me sick dumbass”

“I know baby, I��m sorry” 

“are you hungry?”

“no, mainly just tired, did you feel this tired?”

“yeah, I was like always tired”

“I’m going back to sleep, how are Chan hyung and Binnie doing?”

“I haven’t check, but Hyunjin says that Chan hyung is doing pretty bad”

“probably because that idiot doesn’t ever frickin sleep”

“well obviously, maybe it’s a good thing he got sick because now his body is forcing him to sleep”

“about time, did I tell you that a few weeks ago he fell asleep, standing up, in the recording booth”

“am I even surprised? Not really no”

“seriously though, that boy needs to take better care of himself”

“well I’m gonna go check on him and make sure he’s resting”

“Ok, I’m gonna sleep”

“sleep well baby” I said kissing his forhead, and quietly shutting the door on my way out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How’s it going in here” I ask softly as I entered 2Chan’s room. I was thankful that i had been quiet when I saw that Chan was asleep. Changbin pointed out the door and whispered, “we need to talk” I nodded and went to the hallway, I was met a few seconds later by a pink-nosed, glassy-eyed Changbin.

“How are you?”

“tired, like really tired”

“Sung said the same thing, besides that, how do you feel?”

“my head hurts a bit, and my throat is scratchy, but I’m way more concerned about Chan”

“what’s wrong?”

“he’s not getting better, I think he might have a sinus infection”

“it very possible, do you want one of us to go with him to the doctor”

“I want to go”

“Bin, you’re sick”

“I-heheshu-hecktch-hecktch- I’mb dot that sick, I wanna go with my boyfriend”

“I don’t think you can”

“please”

“I’ll ask our manager, but most likely not” I pulled out my phone and called our manager. 

(I don’t feel like writing the conversation so I’m not going to)

“He said no, he’s just going to go with him, none of the members are going out in public with all of us this sick

“fine”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Time skip because I’m lazy, tired, and unmotivated af but I’ve procrastinated finishing this for three days already and it’s just chilling in my drafts lol)

Changbin p.o.v

“Bin, you’re boyfriend’s back”

I hurried to the living room where I saw our manager half carrying Chan into the room, where he gently lowered him onto the couch, I went over to him and let him curl up into me. I gently kissed his forehead. 

I heard a soft whispered conversation going on between our manager and Minho and Hyunjin but I didn’t care. How could I when my boyfriend looks half-dead. 

“Channie, baby, what did the doctor say”

“he said that I have a sinus infection, and a minor lung infection, and he said I’m lucky I came in when I did because he said it could have turned into pneumonia if I had waited much longer” he choked out before breaking out into a wet and painful sounding coughing fit. 

I gently stoked his back and whispered sweet nothings into his ear. After finishing he gave a soft and tired sigh before curling back into my body. “ready for bed sweetheart?’

“yeah” he whispered.  I scooped him and and bridal-style carried him to our room where I tucked him in and the two of us quickly fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeongin p.o.v

“Minnie”

“hmm?”

“how are you feeling?”

“like I was hit by a bus”

“I’m sorry hon” 

“can I have a kiss?”

“I don’t want to get sick”

“Just on the forehead”

“ugh, fine, just because I love you” He smiled but shook his head, him and I both know that he was getting a kiss no mater what.  

“Innie?”

“yes honey?”

“did I get you sick?”

“no”

“are you sure”

“positive?”

“yep”

“then why were you awake coughing at 3:45 AM?”

“did I wake you up?”

“is that really your #1 concern?”

“ ... yes ”

“ugh, c’mere”

“why?”

“because I said so”

I went over to him and was shocked when his cold hands touched my forehead. “you have a fever”

“yeah.... I know, I checked this morning”

“And you didn’t te-heh-hecheu-etcheu-hEtchU- *sniff* You didn’t telll anyone”

“I didn’t want to worry anyone”

“INNIE! Do you want toget like Chan hyung!?!?!? have you seen how sick he is!!! HE COULDN’T EVEN WALK BY HIMSELF!!!!! YOU HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE ID YOU GET SICK!!!!!”

“I-I’m sorry” I stuttered my eyes brimming with tears. I watched as Seungmin’s face softened. He opened his arms and pulled me into his chest. “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to get so upset. I’m just worried about you”

“i know, I’m sorry” I say softly, burrying my face in his chest. I felt bad because I coughed on him a little bit, but a bigger part of me didn’t care because I just wanted to be held,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hyunjin p.o.v

“Hey lixxie”

“hi baby” Felix said closing his laptop setting it off to the side and scootching over. 

“How are you feeling?”

“not great, but definitely better than Channie hyung”

“Yeah, I’m happy that he went to see a doctor, maybe Changbin will actually stop panicking so much and the two of them will sleep, because I am SO READY to see this stupid sickness get through the group.”

“same here, you’re so lucky that you didn’t get sick”

“yeah, me and Innie got lucky”

“Innie sick though”

“are you sure about that, becaue earlier he seemd fine”

“well that’s what i thought but I just heard Seungmin yelling at him for like “not taking care of himself” and he going to get sick like Channie” so I think he might be a bit sick”

“Oh damn, I didn’t even realize”

“don’t feel too bad, none of us did and he’s our baby”

“I wonder how long he’s been sick for”

“Probably few days or so.” he shrugged before wrapping his arms around me. 

“I’m tired, can I go to sleep?”

“of course baby” I kissed his forehead. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~four days later~

“alright so, I think, unless I’m missing something, that we’re all ready to begin re-eh-hetchu-eh-ehtchu- bless me - as I was saying, we’re all ready to resume schedules, is that correct?”

“Channie, baby, are you sure, you’re still really sneezy, and like literally four day ago you like, couldn’t even walk, or even stand up on your own”

“well that’s why we aren’t doing dance practices-”

“or vocal lessons, at least for Chan, Jeongin, or Felix, because the three of you are still letting your voices recover” 

the three boy’s boyfriends quickly agreed to that. Felix and Jeongin agreed pretty fast, especially Jeongin whose voice was still pretty rough, Chan on the other hand didn’t seem too keen on the idea, but after one stern glare from Changbin he agreed. 

“guys, where is Hyunjin?” Jisung asked, noticing the tallest member was no where to be seen. 

“He’s been at the studio for like 3-4 hours already, he said something about, he sick of sick people, and wanting to get out of the germ infested house” 

“such a drama queen”

“can you blame him?”

“not really, I don’t think I’ve ever been that sick beofre”

“well that’s because you were an idiot and let yourself get worse before you tried to get better”

“well at least we’re all recovered because I have cabin fever. I NEED to get out”

“so then let’s go find Hyunjin and let him know that we’re recovered so he isn’t playing nurse anymore”

“I bet he’ll be really happy to hear that”

[yourdesertsunflower]

Chunin Exams: Shikamaru vs. Temari

So this will be long, so be ready for some deep diving. I’d been thinking this for quite a while so let’s go. 

One of my favorite Chunin Exams’s match has to be Shikamaru vs. Temari. This may not be much of a surprise for any of you, but maybe the reason why it is between my top 3 will surprise more than one. 

Obviously the ship factor made me like this battle even more, but it’s not even a primary or secondary reason for why I love this match. This battle stands out to me as being one of the most truthful ninja fights of the whole arc. Why? Because a ninja fight, as Kakashi would day during the Zabuza’s arc is about always plotting, to know when to do certain thing, to know when to not to do them and just hide and to work with the tools you have. 

It’s a battle were the brains out beats the brute force, where the strength is the last resource and the strategy primes as the best thing a ninja can have. It about deciphering our opponent, carrying out the best strategy and ensuring the win as much as possible and both Shikamaru and Temari excel at being this masterminds. They make the most out of their battle and, in my opinion, they both shine through as not only capable but highly advanced strategists, specially for their short age. 

That’s why when I hear people going like “No, she’s not.” when Asuma says that Temari she is bright and that she thinks like Shikamaru (she thinks ahead) or say that “Shikamaru could have easily beat Temari if he wasn’t that lazy” I just feel like crying. 

However, it’s not people’s fault after all. The direction of the match in both the anime and the manga makes Shikamaru’s strategy the wow factor. I am not saying his tactic is not genius, I would be pretty lame if I said that, nor that Shikamaru is not more intelligent than Temari (He is the most brilliant person of his generation, specially when it comes to strategy) and he deserved the recognition because the tactic he carried through was slick af. It’s one of the many reason why Shikamaru is my absolute favorite character in Naruto (I love him so much). 

However, I think that Shikamaru’s genius shouldn’t by any means diminish Temari’s wit. Because she was also delivering quite a good fight, she was a good match for Shikamaru (which ain’t easy) and (I personally think) had a pretty accurate strategy. 

So, I gave myself the job of being Temari’s Asuma and explain in full detail what I think, through my reading, was Temari’s strategy. Because my girl deserves more recognition. She is a strategist and a really good one.

1. Context

One thing I think it’s important to mention before anything is the context of the match. 

If we come to think about it, it wouldn’t be that far-fetched to say that Temari couldn’t waste that much chakra nor show new abilities in her fight against Shikamaru. Let’s remember that the Sand only participated in the Chunin Exams because of the attack, to execute the Konoha Crush. A plan for which the Sand Siblings, specially Gaara, were crucial. Even we get to see Kankuro forfeiting of his fight against Shino in order to keep his techniques a secret and wait for the time to make the move. 

However Temari didn’t had the same luck. It would be suspicious if the two of them just gave up. My reading of the situation is that actually neither of them expected to fight their respective matches as Gaara’s match against Sasuke was before theirs. Still, if someone had to fight Temari knew that would be her because, 

a. Kankuro was against Shino who had shown to be a beast, and hence, it was more likely that he would have to use higher tier attacks. 

b. Temari showed to be quite confident of her skills and Shikamaru, though he had shown to be intelligent (not to the extent of this match but intelligent nonetheless) he was the weakest of the finalist in terms of raw strength. 

So, Temari had to be the one to fight. Otherwise the plan would fall apart, and although she wasn’t sure about attacking from the start, she was extremely loyal to her village and would never do something to hurt it. However she couldn’t be imprudent, hence, she didn’t had to waste that much chakra in order not to tire herself that much and couldn’t show new wind style techniques as that would only weaken the surprise effect this might have (let’s remember she was in a stadium filled with highly capable Shinobi, Chunin and Jonin Level)

But although she couldn’t be imprudent, she also couldn’t let herself be defeated. After all, she is Temari. She had figure out a way to win despite the limitations she had which brings us to the fight itself. 

2. First Movement: Gaining Information

The first thing Temari knows is that she needs some information about the match and the rival so she starts off by trying to get an action or a least a reaction from Shikamaru, which proved to be quite draining due to his usual unmotivated behavior. 

The frontal and direct attacks of Temari at the beginning of the match serve that purpose. 

Unlike her match against Tenten, where she could just start of in complete defensiveness she quickly realized that that wouldn’t work with Shikamaru. I am pretty sure Temari is one of those fighters who don’t like to make the first move but to wait and recollect information from her adversaries (after all i  her battle against Tenten, in which she always seemed comfortable she did just that) but as she knew that couldn’t be the case as while Tenten is someone active, Shikamaru is more of reactive fighter she just attacked to get the necessary information to use with her previous knowledge (which I’ll also proceed to explain) to plan a strategy. 

She knew from Shikamaru’s fight against Kin (the sound ninja) that it was quite likely that the Shadow Posession Jutsu had: 

a. A range 

b. Short duration spam. 

c. Wasted to much chakra. 

After all, Shikamaru was always shown to be pretty cautious about how and when he used it. That’s why the jutsu doesn’t seem much of a threat at the beginning as if she could manage to identify the range of his jutsu she could just stay away from it and make him waste chakra. 

If to that we add that Shikamaru’s reaction was to hide she also gained a panorama of how the fight will be like. It’ll most likely be a long-lasting battle based more in indirect attacks and meticulously planning than in strength. 

This seemed to match quite well, which justifies Temari’s smile as Shikamaru hides. At first glance stretching out the duration of the battle and fighting long-range was just perfect for her as she could save as much chakra as possible, dodging the attacks of Shikamaru while making him waste as much chakra as possible. 

Hence, although Temari was overconfident (aspect I’ll talk about in more detail later) she had a reason to be so. She had a fairly strong plan,and everything seemed to be falling in the right place. 

2. Identifying the Range and the Sun

The first attacks of Shikamaru just seem to work on perfectly for Temari as she achieves to find out her shadow range, a jaw-dropping fifteen meters thirty-two centimetres (like she is also a mathematician in her own right). 

It’s then when Shikamaru shows her that there was one factor she hadn’t thought about before: the sun. When the shadow reaches a longer distance than it had already done she quickly deduces that as the sun sets the shadow of the wall was getting larger, hence elongating the shadow making his range bigger. 

And Temari quickly adapts to the situation working out several plans she could use. She decides the better was keeping up with the angle and the direction from which the sun is hitting the wall and the growth in his shadow in order to be able to calculate an equation that would keep him away from his shadow. 

This is good because while some may just freak out and try to use brute force to finish it, as seemingly stretching the match no longer holds any sense, Temari takes her time to think and finds a way to use her skills and knowledge in battle. This is no easy task, as we see that a lot of highly talented shinobis on paper had a tough time in practice. But she is so great that she comes up with a way that doesn’t directly throws the entire plan she had come up with to the trash. 

3. Surprise Attack 

Well I got to say this. I don’t like that Kankuro warns Temari about Shikamaru’s  home-made parachute because I easily think that she could have realized by herself. She had shown all through the battle to have great observational skills and to be quite focused so I think that Kishimoto could have easily come up with that. 

Still, I understand that Kishomoto through this fight tries to justify that Shikamaru was the one that would become a Chunin, so nerfing Temari isn’t the worst thing out of all. I don’t like it but isn’t that bad if we take into consideration the other thingd that were done in the manga. 

However is through her ability to dodge this attack we get Asuma’s and Shikamaru’s reaction and recognition of Temari’s skills. She is a really good shinobi, quick, intelligent and competent. 

Yes, Shikamaru had just gotten her in the position she wanted but what he said he truly meant it, which means a lot given his chauvinistic behavior at the begging of Naruto. She is fast learner, she is capable to dodge attacks that no regular genin could or as Shikamaru said in Naruto Ninja Storm 4 (yes, I usually hate most of the scenes in this game but this one ShikaTema scene was so sport on) that she was the first person of his age to be able dodge that many attacks from him, which leaves me to another point. 

4. Moves Ahead

It’s almost a meme that Shikamaru has a 200 IQ and that he is 200 moves ahead everyone else but what I really think that people don’t understand is that for Shikamaru each an everyone of those moves, from the first one to the the two hundred, could be the last one. When Shikamaru plans out a strategy he may use some moves that are feints but those feints may also work to end the match to less skilled rivals. Each move works as an individual move as part of a whole. That is other level, is genius. Prove of the overtly exaggerated 200 IQ, almost everyone could seem dumb beside him.

However, the complexity of the strategy he used against Temari shows us that how knew that he needed to come up with something good in order to be able to beat her. She wouldn’t fall for something straightfoward because she showed to be several steps ahead also. 

She had shown to easily decipher his jutsu’s range, she had found elements that could have served him as an advantage and she had been skillful enough to move around the field avoiding his jutsu with ease. And he knows that because 

a. He had seen it, 

b. She had told it to him, which I think was one of the biggest mistakes of Temari derived from her over-confidence.

That’s why his plan had to be slick in order to win which brings up the end of the match. 

5. Checkmate

After seeing that Shikamaru’s shadow range was almost unlimited and that her chances of measuring it were incredibly low she then decides to end it once and for all because; 

a. If she extended the match much longer it was almost inevitable that she will end up being caught by his shadow paralysis jutsu 

b. She couldn’t risk to waste a lot of chakra since, I have already mentioned, it was indispensable she was in good conditions for the Konoha Crush. 

But it’s interesting the movement she plans out in order to beat Shikamaru since it shows that she is very aware of her own tools and abilities and of the abilities of her rival. One clone will take the attention of him, falling in his shadows paralysis while she just bluntly beat him with her crushing wind style. Fairly simple, but also extremely effective. 

When Shikamaru caught her and shows her his strategy Temari quickly understands what he had done. She had underestimated both his jutsu and his mind and that added with her over-confidence in her analysis was what gave Shikamaru the necessary information to caught her. 

She is genuinely surprised as the rest of the crowd but they are even more when he gives up. 

That was just a masterful decision of Kishimoto, I got to give him that, because it not only make Shikamaru be cool af for the audience, but also for two things that are lest often touched upon: 

a. In terms of Shikamaru it showed the genius he is, the smartest person of his generation by far, capable of examining the situation and choose the best option to execute. He was running out of chakra while his rival was safe and sound. In a real life mission the best option is retreat, and that’s what he does. This is shows to Temari than he and Shikamaru are actually much more alike than she had thought. They both are rational thinkers, who measure cons and pros and are able to come up with a logical analysis but they are also pretty conscious of themselves and others. That’s what Asuma means when he says they think alike, that why they always seem to work along together despite their seemingly clashing personalities. 

b. In terms of Temari she gets the bittersweet victory. She archived what she wanted, making him run out of chakra, but not how she wanted to do so. It is deserved and undeserved at the same time which conflicts her. If the battle had continued it was more than likely she had won as she wanted to but it didn’t which let her thinking that, if he could he could have easily beat her even though he states that not to be the reason. After all he had clearly outsmarted her, and that was what was the most important for her, despite her win was deserved in my opinion (not because she was more intelligent than him, because no one really is, but because, at the end, she managed with her wit and talent to make it impossible for him to continue). She thinks that her over-confidence and her analysis which she prides of, was the thing that took her down and that it’s quite important for her character and her relationships with others. We’ll get to see how this affected her in her following appearances, when we get to see her when she goes to fight against Tayuya she carefully listens to Shikamaru’s analysis, although at the end she decides to do it her way (an nails it), her decision was derived from her listing to his words and all he got to say. 

At the end Temari will always be her wonderful confident self (that’s only another reason to love her) but after this match she shows to be more cautious when underestimating her rivals, however you shouldn’t dare underestimate her. 

Because she is a f***ing boss.   

[babycracker]

Oooh 21 23 and 25 please?🥺

thank yoouu! ❤️

21. most memorable comment/review aw man. you know honestly, one of the best ones this year wasn't even for twc lol. someone commented on an litg fic saying that they read the whole thing (21 chapters) despite knowing nothing about the canon content. they just came across it by accident and got hooked and loved it.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t i really, really wanted to finish echoes so that i could get started on the sequel because it was going to be angsty af and i was going to break adams soul into tiny pieces 😌 but. i am lazy lol. and nowadays unmotivated. a close second would be tanners backstory thing.

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read ok. truly, i swear i'm not saying this because you asked, but that "can i?" that you wrote?? holy shit. HOLY SHIT. and it's NATE. like. what did you do??? THIS ONE, yes i just went and got the link, what of it? also, any of @dwead-piwate-meggers' adam stuff. i just went through her ao3 profile to try and find a more definitive favourite but i honestly can't decide so here, just go and browse the whole thing because it's all amazing. and of course all of @losingface's mason/aimee stuff because the entire world knows how i feel about her writing. including her lol.

fanfic end of year asks

[shootingcookielover]

(Ignore this I just wanna ramble about the best conversation I've had in a while)

So I'm at dinner at my boyfriend's with both his parents.

His dad asks me how things work with school, because quarantine and all that. Seems horrible, right? I just kind of... Sink in on myself. Because I don't really know how anything works; I haven't participated since this all started.

But my boyfriend's parents are super nice people so I just, really nervously, so quiet that they probably had trouble understanding what I'm saying, say: "I've officially given up and am repeating the year.", in akind of joking manner.

They're confused by this. They ask me what I mean by 'given up', why I was so sure I'd repeat the year. They also mention assignments again.

To the last one, my nervous habits kick in. I pull up the hem of my hoodie and the cloth I always wear around my neck to cover the bottom half of my face, were a smile spreads because I don't know what to say. I don't want them to think I'm just a lazy bum who doesn't do anything.

My reaction warrants an amused laugh, but not in a mean way and my boyfriend's dad explaining that there is no judgement here; that they won't think about it negatively or positively, we're just discussing a topic.

And I know that he isn't lying; that's just the kind of people they are. Entirely non-judgmental, it's quite impressive, actually.

So I tell them I haven't done a single assignment since quarantine started and probably missed some tests.

They don't tell me I'm lazy. They don't tell me I should get my stuff together and just do it.

They ask me if I know why I haven't done anything.

I'm reluctant to answer. I feel like my answer is bad; will be perceived as bad, as lazy.

Then he says the same thing as before; no judgment here, just plain curiosity.

So, timidly, I explain that the school-stuff is incredibly boring and complex and hard and I'm just absolutely unmotivated to do anything.

Instead of telling me that I'm lazy and should just do it, as I still kind of half-expected, it prompted a talk about how the school was clearly messing up if this was happening.

How the school and teachers should do something different.

How it wasn't my fault.

That last one got told to me quite directly, several times.

It wasn't my fault.

They were also quite upset when I told them I had no clue what was going on with my class or my teachers. How I had barely any contact with them.

I know the bare minimum.

I haven't had contact with any of my teachers since I sent in a history-assignment that I'd finished before quarantine started.

They were upset that I didn't even get any inquiries a la "Why aren't you doing anything?", although they do realize it's probably because the teachers have a lot of students and stuff.

They were upset that, because of this quarantine garbage I had to repeat a year.

It was... So nice to hear all this stuff.

To hear someone say "It's not your fault."

I still am not convinced that it isn't entirley my fault, but. It was just. Really nice.

I've been telling myself I was just lazy and repeating the year was just an easy cop-out to get out of doing any kind of work cause I'm lazy af.

But they told me it wasn't my fault. That I wasn't being lazy.

They told me directly that I wasn't being lazy.

It just... It was nice. So, so nice.

Idk why I'm even posting it, but. I just had to get this out of my system.

It isn't my fault.

[just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms]

**Warning: Extremely personal post regarding my MinnCon 2017 experience below**

Also, this will be very raw, real, and emotional.

Many of you have seen my posts over the past few months talking about my battles with anxiety and depression. 

This past year I hit my lowest point ever. I was nearly catatonic most days. I could not talk, leave my bed, shower, or do anything to take care of myself. 

After seeking professional help, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, and borderline bipolar type two disorder. It was also discovered that what I saw as “normal parenting” that I deserved because I was a “difficult child,” I was “lazy and unmotivated,” and I was “overly sensitive,” was not at all normal.

I have had three mental health professionals break the news to me that my parents have been neglecting my blatant signs of mental illness since I was a child. The signs started showing for my anxiety around 2 years old. The signs started showing for my depression around 8 years old. 

What my parents saw as “good parenting” has been officially categorized as severe emotional abuse and physical abuse. 

At 23 years old I am just now learning what it means to be truly supported, loved, accepted, and taken care of. 

My parents didn’t take care of me in one of the biggest ways they should have, so I started taking care of myself.

I am in therapy and on medications, and the transformation just two months of this treatment have made are almost indescribable.

I don’t panic, I can work through my anxiety, I can function with my depression.

I can be a functioning human again. 

Every day is a new day, and poses its own challenges, but now I know how to meet those challenges with the tools I have now been given. 

How does this relate to MinnCon?

At MinnCon I was not a fuck up, a weirdo, stupid, lazy....I was wayward. 

I am Wayward AF and I was with family. No one judges me. They love me without conditions. They love the real, quirky, true me without hesitation. 

This summer. I stood up. I started fighting harder than I had before. I pushed through the loss and shattering of the world I knew. I’ve faced my abusers countless times, and not backed down from what I want and deserve. 

All of this was possible through the strength and support I have been given by this family. Because of all of you, I am a better, stronger person today. 

MinnCon was the perfect end to one of the most transformative times in my life.

I am strong, I am beautiful. I am badass. I am smart. I am not a fuck up. I am unique. I am me. I am more than my faults. I am more than what holds me back. I am more than what tries to beat me down. 

I am more. 

I am Ana.

I am amazing. 

I am Wayward AF. 

If you have read to this point, know that I love you. Know that I support you in your fight to be unapologetically you. 

In the words of Jared Padalecki:

“Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional.”

We will all have pain. But we also have the option to stand up, and stop the suffering. 

AKF my sisters and brothers....AKF

[taesthetes]

Hi cat, what advice do you have to keep a writer's inspiration/motivation up and going? Your masterlist has me in awe of how many fics you've written (they're all written very well btw 👌🏽) I've barely written anything all this year, I've finally started something, and it's really messy but I'm excited and yet kinda scared because I've never written something this long 😅😭 Thank youuuuuuu *hugs and kisses* 💓💓

Hello there, sweetpea! 🌸 First of all, thank you for reading my fics!! The thought of people actually wanting to read my writing still seems surreal to me even now haha 😅 And secondly and more importantly, congratulations on starting your first writing piece of the year! 🎉🎉 I’m so proud of you! that’s a huge accomplishment in itself already because the first step (in this case: starting to write) is always the hardest to take, in my opinion.

Pertaining to having constant writing inspiration and motivation, I’ll divide my advice up for the two separate topics. Personally, I constantly have ideas roaming my mind, but I simply lack motivation to write them all. But here are some things I learned about inspiration and motivation.

My advice for inspiration:

Use your personal experiences. I frequently formulate storylines about the things that have happened to me, and in my point in life right now, I’m in college where I have gotten a bunch of crazy experiences. That’s why my recent fics are mostly college au. Sobriquet was written almost identically to my own experience, whereas Caprice stemmed from me seeing a guy in my chem class regularly playing pokemon go instead of paying attention to class and grew in my mind into a fic idea. You can embellish and fluff up your life experience if you don’t think it’s interesting enough, thus whipping it up into great fic inspiration.

Use your dreams. Not everyone remembers their dreams when they wake up, but I remember a lot of the ones I have, and I use them as inspiration for writing. The majority of the dreams I wrote about in The Universe of Us are ones I actually had and then altered them slightly to fit into the storyline. I also have a lot of bizarre dreams that can actually turn into some very interesting fics lmao

Embrace the fangirl life and use it in your stories. Do you like Disney stories? Harry Potter? Anime? Find inspiration within other fandoms you enjoy. Write a hogwarts au, write a hunger games au, write a fic based on The Little Mermaid, etc.

Listen to music. Music is a huge source of inspiration, and you can think up fic ideas based on lyrics for example. Taylor Swift songs always help me when I’m trying to write a angsty scene, like a break up.

Check out prompt blogs. There are many blogs (ex: @/dailyau or this post that compiled a lot of au’s) out there that have writing prompts, which is super handy, if you lack inspiration. You can read through some of the prompts and see if any of them catch your attention.

Read. A lot. Writers get inspired by other writers. A wonderful way to fuel your imagination and inspiration and make them widen their horizons is by learning from other writers.

Be observant. Observe your surroundings, and you might just spot some inspiration. See the two baristas at your local coffee shop always bickering? Or perhaps, notice the boy who made a very creative promposal? Pass by someone and overhear them say something very interesting? You can turn those observations into fic ideas.

Be open to requests or suggestions. Your readers may have interesting ideas, and if you lack inspiration, you can open requests. You are by no means obligated to write them all, but they can spark up some inspiration. You can hold a drabble game, such as having them send in a song to write a song-inspired fic or picking a one-liner prompt. There are a lot of prompt lists out there that you can use for drabble games (ex: here, here, and here)

Daydream. Honestly, just relax somewhere with no distractions that makes you feel calm and stress-free. And let your mind wander. I get inspired as I daydream during car rides or whenever I’m simply sprawled out on my bed, doing nothing except making up ridiculous scenarios in my head.

My advice for motivation:

Be excited about writing. You certainly aren’t going to get any motivation if you’re not excited at all about writing. And, you said you’re excited and a little scared about your writing? That’s great! You should definitely feel excited about what you’re writing. You’re eager and happy to write then. And feeling a little nervous and scared is also good because that adrenaline rush and the feeling of butterflies in your stomach also adds a bit to the excitement, right?

You have to love the idea you’re writing. If you don’t like the prompt you’re writing, you aren’t going to feel very satisfied with your writing. You might even start to dread writing it and lose motivation. So, make sure that you actually genuinely enjoy the idea you’re writing.

Set the mood for writing. Is there a certain time you write best? Is there a certain place that you enjoy writing in? Do you write better when you listen to music? You will feel more motivated to write if the setting is ideal for you.

Write your short fics all in one sitting. This is just something that works for me personally. I have a super short attention span, which leads me to losing motivation quickly. This is why the majority of my fics are 1k to 4k oneshots because I write the entire fic at once. If I get an idea for a short fic, I write it immediately whether it be on my phone or my laptop because I know I won’t be motivated to write it in the future.

When you think of an idea for a long fic or series, wait a day before you write it. This is another thing that personally works well for me, but might not work for others. With long fic or series ideas, I want to know that I will finish it. I know I won’t be writing it all in one sitting since it’s going to be a long af fic, but I don’t want to write like 10k and then suddenly be like “I’m throwing this out. I don’t like this idea anymore.” I’m a very lazy person, and I don’t want to trash 10k of writing that I had spent hours on. So when I want to make a series or simply a long fic, I think of the idea and mull over it for a bit for a day or even weeks. And then, the next day or week, I ask myself, “Am I still interested in this idea?” If it’s a yes, then I begin to write it.

Make an outline of your fic before writing it. I only use this for long fic ideas that I have, but it works with any fic idea. Having an outline is sort of like seeing a schedule or a to-do list, which is quite motivating because of the sense of accomplishment and pride in yourself that comes when you check off something on the list (or checking off a scene you just completed writing from your outline). And studies show that people are more motivated to do something if they have it written down somewhere and see it daily.

Share and talk about your fic ideas with a friend. I never realized this until now, but having a friend hype up your ideas really boosts up your motivation to write them out. I tell all my fic ideas to fae and she’s always super supportive of them. I sometimes ask if I should do this or that, and she gives suggestions (oh, look at that, more inspiration courtesy of friends!!). I also give her various excerpts of the fic I’m working on, and she yells at me about them, so it’s like constant motivation throughout the writing period. So thanks, pablo, even though you show your support by screeching at me in all caps @zephyoongist​

It’s okay to take a break from writing. If you are feeling unmotivated for a certain idea, don’t force yourself to write. Take a break. Go write a different scenario or make a snack or hang out with friends. When you come back, you will feel refreshed and ready to write. You can reread your writing with fresh eyes and may have new ideas or inspiration on how to continue the fic.

Just write. Let out all your emotions and everything you want to say or convey. Don’t be afraid that it won’t make sense. It’s okay for your fic to be messy during the writing process. You can always go back, cross things out, move sentences around, revise it, and fix it up until you think it’s perfect.

I hope these tips are helpful to you! It’s like 3 am for me now, so I should go to bed, but this is also my prime time for writing, so I’m a little conflicted lmao but anyway, once again, CONGRATULATIONS ON STARTING YOUR FIRST WRITING MASTERPIECE!!! ☺️❣️Best wishes for your writing journey, and I know your story will turn out amazing! And I hope you send me a link to your writing if you do publish it because I’d love to read it 💞💞 And, here are lots of hugs and kisses being sent your way from me to you as well 💌

[apppreciate]

soooo

first time posting from my own mind here, watch out for me ranting on dumb stuff. bc this is a sideblog, it’s more…comfortable?? to post on regarding feelings and such like whatever. idk how to do this? ok so let’s start off with what’s been on my mind as of late. I’m a student at a university, and that’s already a ton of shit. but like it’s summer rn, and I’m doing bad, man. 

I think that I’m so used to doing so much at once that I actually can’t relax healthily? At school I have two on-campus jobs, taking 17 hours, and I’m heavily involved with 3 clubs, and on top of that learning piano privately. Like there, there was always something more i had to do. But now that I’m back at home, and I should be doing stuff (like getting a job to make money so that I can fucking pay for college) I… can’t?? I had a week or so that I spent “unwinding” but thinking back on it, idk if that was what it was. I never felt like I deserved to do nothing, and I still don’t. I’m actually feeling guilty right now because I should be doing stuff.

But after that first week, I sort of halfheartedly got up and applied to a couple places, made some excuse for turning in applications, and went back to hating myself because I wasn’t turning in applications. Then I couldn’t motivate myself to turn in applications because I hated myself so much, and the cycle continued for a couple more weeks. 

So here I am, halfway through summer, without a job and deep into the sea of self-hatred and doubt. I thought I might have depression, so I did some research when I felt like doing something, and *insert onion article headline: “list of depression symptoms speaking to man like no poem ever would”* so after a while I talked to my parents about it, and I went to the doctor yesterday to see if I really was depressed. And like. That shit was stressful af. because even now? I’m not sure i have depression? or i’m just lazy and unmotivated? like, yeah my sleep schedule is absolute shit, and my appetite is off the wall, but idk if my level of symptoms is… enough? idk if I was worried that the doctor was going to tell me that i wasn’t depressed, because I should be happy about that, right? and if I was worried, then if I got the news that I was, should I be relieved that i indeed have depression? that’s not how someone should feel, right? if someone gets told they have depression, they should be like, damn that sucks. 

BUT those confusing feelings aside, when I went to the doctor, he didn’t seem to sure either!!!!!!!! (frustration) but he put me on some meds anyway to see how I react to them. so now I’m like !!!!!!!!!???!!!!!! still entrenched in self-hatred and doubt and not really sure what to do. So I’m posting on this hellsite, on a blog with exactly 0 followers to maybe get some type of closure? i guess? 

[gunpowdernled]

day 74: most of today was decent until later in the day when negativity consumed me. by far, the hardest shit I ever put myself through is trying to recover physically and mentally after a damaging weekend. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to be negative or scared or lazy or unmotivated. whatever happened to the girl who woke up at 5 am every morning to do homework and hit the gym, then worked her ass off until midnight? I've never known consistency and willpower has been a foreign term to me these past couple of years. I don't want to be this way anymore. The future is scary and the mountaintop looks almost like a mirage... and yet I think it's time to buckle down and start facing my demons, one day at a time. on a side note, my clothes were comfy af and I didn't wear makeup and my hood looked funny and I was just the cutest lil bean i loved it tomorrow, we try try again. even if I only get 1% better every day, that's something. I have a long ways to go, but the time is going to pass whether I put the work in or not. I'd rather look back on my life and smile at all the dope ass shit I did and the struggles I endured to achieve greatness rather than regret not going for what my heart truly wanted. every single day is a fight, but that won't ever stop me. I may lose some battles, but I swear to God I'm gonna win this war.

[music-for-them-asses]

I’m feeling lazy and unmotivated af this morning but I swear I’m gonna be productive.  Even if it means just cleaning up my pigsty of a room.  I am washing my sheets so that’s a good step.  Maybe work on my LinkedIn profile...

[kinda-kat]

purple, white, gray~

oh shit. no one actually ever asks me things in response to these. yay! Purple: Ten facts about your room1: i am shamelessly in love with the whole minimalistic aesthetic, and i tried to incorporate it. but my room’s a mess.2: I have a huge, white bookshelf from ikea that works as a room divider so that i can still change in my room bc i’ve got a huge window and i’m paranoid that my curtains might be see-through. it’s legitimately like 8 feet tall.3: i gave my dresser to my mom bc she’s got chronic pain and it hurts her to hang stuff up, but she can fold shit while she’s watching tv or smth. so now i have these clear plastic sterilite drawers that have broken from the weight of my clothes and subsequently the drawers themselves, with the clothes inside them, being stacked on top of one another. 4: my window is broken. it has always been broken, since we got the house and we moved in. ( I was 5). it’s had tape over it that i replace in the winter because FUCK we can NOT afford to replace a window that shit’s too damn expensive. but it’s no biggie because we live in texas and it doesn’t get all that cold down here in the winter anyway. 5: my closet has those slidy, accordion type doors? idk how to explain it. but one of them is broken off so. my closet doesn’t really close.6: i’ve got an enormous the dark knight rises movie poster on the wall. i don’t even love the movie that much. my stepbrother gave it to me. 7: i have this old antique chair that my mom’s had forever behind that bookshelf room divider thing and it’s the best, it feels like home. it’s like a greeney-blue with gold leaf embroidery on it and the cat loves to sit on it, especially if i’ve left laundry there.8: i love shoes so much, all of my crazy high, 6-inch ones are on display next to my desk just because i love to look at them. i look at these goddamn weapons and i feel so powerful. i just. (*jfc guys i love shoes so much it’s a real problem send help i’ll go to rehab willingly mY SHOES.*) um. sorry about that.9: i hate the light my ceiling light gives off, it’s so harsh, and it gives me a headache. but it’s also my fan, and like i said, i live in texas and i gotta have that fan on. but the fan won’t turn on without the light. there’s only one switch and only one cord that changes the speed of the fan. so i unscrewed the lightbulbs that go there. 10: my bed is cluttered with clothes, school papers, and bags, but i’m too lazy/ too tired/ too unmotivated to clean that shit off so i just sleep in the bed with it there. i’ve never gotten a papercut from it, though.

White: Three facts about your personality.1: i overshare too much, and i get really clingy. 2: i tend to overthink literally everything i do, think, or say. and all the things other people do and say. i am a mess.3: i can’t stop comparing myself to others and feeling shitty about it and yet i have a really arrogant mindset almost covering up the other mindset? idk.

Gray: 2 facts about my favorite things.1: shoes are gr9. i have a pair of 6-inch turquoise lace-up boots. they have silver spikes on the back of the heel, and i can draw blood with them. i know this, not because i’ve tried, but because i am clumsy af.2: my harry potter books have been read so many times that they have literally fallen apart. like. i have order of the phoenix, divide into thirds. and i still read them, because i’ve been reading the same set for literally ten years and i was in elementary school and they would get beat up in my backpack and i would walk to school and read them at the same time because i was (am) a dumbass.

[empath-on-the-run-blog]

An ending; a beginning; a cheesy title

Junior year of college ended earlier today. A year from now, I want to be better.

Physical health, mental health, academia, relationships, the whole shebang

I want accountability because I am weak af (emphasis: lazy, unmotivated) and anonymity because i am weak af (emphasis: ashamed, I want the people in my life to see my success, not so much my struggle. Reason: I am not confident enough in myself to portray my true self on my social media platforms, I don’t actually want the people on the periphery of my life to know much about my life, and I would like to keep up the façade that I have my shit together for a little while longer until it is not so painfully obvious to the naked eye. I don’t want people to be intimidated by me or to be surprised that I am as infinitely complex as you are behind my effortless persona (do not have) and excellent bod (do not have) – I want other stuff. Part of this lil project is my gaining a better understanding of what the fuck I want, but for now, it looks like this: Physical - BMI in “normal” range, be average or below average weight for my height/age, have clothes fit me well, muscles???, idk Mental - not feel disgusted with the chub, better understanding of what causes my anxiety moments, fewer anxiety moments Academia - Study to learn instead of study to pass the next test, seek out learning opportunities, graduate Relationships - Make sure that the people who are important to you know that they are important to you, embrace confrontation PRN, practice telling your whole truth instead of the curated version. Other - A year from now, I want to know where I am going to live, with whom, what are my most likely work options, and enough money to take a trip before adulthood officially begins. I want a small platform that will provide me with an undisclosed number of nameless faces with whom I can cultivate a one-sided relationship and use the vague sense of obligation to inspire me to actually do this thing. Reason: This shit is going to be hard. I anticipate a rampant apathy in horizontal moments, but I have had so many false starts and I want to just get the part of my life over with, the part where I struggle with this whole shebang, and get to the maintenance part.

I have made motherfuckin STRIDES with mental health over the past 4 years, but there is always work to do there. Physical health, I am gross and I want to be less gross. I have good relationships but I am holding back. I have goals that I want to achieve. So here it goes: A year-ish in the life. Let’s go.

[wrecktheshipp]

32/X

Today’s my B-day and I’m breaking down. I’m lost as hell. Like, what I’ll do with my life? My parents have some expectatives upon me, so I kind of have all the goddamn pressure over my shoulders. Sometimes, I wished I wasn’t aware of this little thing that bothers me so much. I know that they love me and want me well, but my nature, most of time, don’t allow me to be who I am. Or who I think I am. It’s a mental battle. I have something on my head, a familiar voice that pulls me to who I would love to be: A stranger, a foreigner. I want to be everything. I want to feel everything. Every person, good, bad, rich, poor. I want to be hurt if I need it, but, goddamn, I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE. It’s more than visiting places. It’s living someone’s life still being me and a new version of me altogether. But it’s hard cuz I’m all by myself in terms of child. I’m the only one, and I’m the one who needs to sustain my parents when they got elder. They want me to be a doctor, but strangely I’ve been thinking about working as a cashier. How exciting it would be? It would be dangerous somehow? I’ll learn something? How it would work? I have a philosofy of life: Nothing in your life comes to hurt you and leaves nothing; it’ll always be an experience. So that’s what I want. Be a nomad, a wanderer of life. Live every moment as a experience, live different routines, be someone else everyday. But this little girl was buried by their parents wishes. They don’t make it so I would be sad, but I know they want me to be glad for who they think I am. I’m glad for the efforts, but somehow, I’m hurted too. I have trouble with my sexuality. I’m asking who I am. Sometimes, it just becomes a lame joke, and I kind of like this. My own sexuality, a part of who I am, a totally joke. Just listening it is funny. People worry so much about this, the LGBT community have so serious issues about people threatening them and here I am, making myself a joke. I’m sorry. I’m just writing what it comes in my mind. I’m not worrying. But here, the point I wanted to make before I carried myself was: I’m not who I tell them I am. They see me passionated about some silly things, some hobbies. I’m intelligent and applied. I like dating games because I’m straight. I’m cold about some stuff cuz I’m a doctor deep inside. I like to stay home cuz I’m lazy and unmotivated (A.K.A. couch potato) and I just need to grow up. Well, let’s see. From everything, I’m really a couch potato, but let me introduce properly. Hi, I’m a confused girl. I’m lost af. I fell in love with some characters cuz they are the only things I learned to love about myself. They are the only thing that can heal me when no one can reach my deepest wounds. I learned, with them, that loving myself isn’t wrong, and they make possible love from myself by them. They make me feel alive and they keep me alive, healing me and clearing my dark thoughts. I’m so unmotivated about my life the best I can do is keep going with the flow. I’m not dumb, but just cuz I have good education. I like dating sims cuz I’m scared of who I am and knowing someone can love me the way I am is relieving. I’m cold about stuff cuz I gave up about caring of something I won’t probably be able to have anyway. I just have low expectatives about everything. I’m pretty sure I have some mental problems, and being aware of them is horrible cuz I can’t have any assistance. At all. Not medicine, not support. Isn’t amazing? I’m someone else when they’re not looking. I’m ALL rotten inside when no one is looking. And MYSELF WON’T LET THIS VOICE TAKE CONTROL. I’m submissive about their wishes and not mine. And I’m taking control back now. I’m not letting this voice win. I'l live someone’s else life. It’s all for experience. Even I’ll eventually die, unhappy about the not me I let people believe it was me.