#but i am also a complete and other person???

[bamsara]

I love Arson he's my favorite heater but I should really get a cheap laptop one day so I can leave the house to write because the Noise. Is . Too Much. I need to go write in the forest

[africanmorning]

Speaking as someone for whom PT was a mostly (not completely) effective treatment, but the upkeep required to prevent regression was too taxing, I really want to add that it's also totally fine if you choose to just not have penetrative sex or even not have sex at all. There is a lot of societal pressure to "put out" for romantic partners, and people say some downright nasty things about those who can't or won't, but a partner who truly cares about you won't pressure you to let them hurt you against your own wishes. It's also okay if getting treatment isn't your top priority. Finding a doctor who will take you seriously, getting put on a waitlist, and trying to keep up with medications/therapy can be a long, involved process, and it's absolutely reasonable to decide that school/career/money/other health issues/anything else under the sun is more important right now (or forever). If someone is asking you to dedicate resources to making yourself more sexually available at the expense of your ambitions, health, and/or financial security, I suggest taking time to reflect on whether or not this person actually cares about your best interests in the long run.

Personally, I found that most of my distress didn't actually come from vaginismus itself, but from being with a partner who slowly made more and more of our relationship contingent on whether or not they could have penetrative sex with me and from fear and guilt that being unavailable to my partner in any way would make me a demanding, unreliable, and outright bad partner.

Now I am in a different, genuinely loving relationship that doesn't demand that I regularly hurt myself, and my ace friends have taught me that it's ridiculous to hinge my entire worth on my sexual availability and that I can and should have the self-respect to look after my own happiness and wellbeing (seriously, shout out to the ace community in general for being some of the most reasonable folks out there). I still have vaginismus, and it still sucks, but it bothers me much less, my love life has drastically improved, and I am much happier than I was before.

We all know what erectile dysfunction is but literally no one is ever taught what vaginismus is and it can cause people to feel extremely lost, broken, and cause people to take their own lives. Raise. Awareness.

[lunaroracleofvenus]

🔥your future lover's tantalizing shadow side 🔥 PAC

Someone’s shadow side is the parts of them that are undesirable, uncomfortable, or socially unacceptable. Our shadow sides can also be pulled on for strengths once we transmute it into something empowering. for example, feeling insecure about your body type, then using that insecurity to become completely self accepting and spreading that positivity to others. Today, We will divine about what their shadow side is, and how it will empower the relationship and you. My intentions is to invite unconditional love for the human condition in today's reading.

Pile one

Lover’s Shadow Side: The shadow side I am detecting is that they have hedonistic and escapist tendencies. This person might love to vacation, especially with you. They might live a life that feels fast for them. They also might have a hard time being present, and truly grounded in their experiences. Constantly wishing, desiring, and never feeling really content?

The relationship you guys are in aids them in integrating this shadow side by sparking an undeniable feeling, spark, electricity that your lover has no choice but to be fully present in the feeling of it. This feeling they get satisfies this hedonistic pleasure they have but also creates contentment and a knowing/security they may not have had before. It is clear you are the one they want because you fulfill their darker desire while also alluring them into a higher octave of being. This relationship reminds me of the hedonistic nature of the 80s and the deep romance of the 50s.

La Isla Bonita - Madonna, You’re The one I want - From Grease

Pile Two Lover’s Shadow Side: The shadow side I am detecting is not realizing a good thing until they have released it from their reality. They might need some time to truly be in gratitude of the great things they possess. This person may have a tendency to break up then makeup. Running, and wishing for what they once had. I think the may reason they do is because of a blocked third eye. The third eye is responsible for seeing beyond what the eye might see. So because of this blocked space, it may be hard for them to pick up on what they should. Only really understanding what’s tangible, practical. They might have heavy earth signs in their chart.

The relationship you guys have aids them in truly seeing the depth of love and the value of relationships and partnerships. It awakens their third eye and crown chakra, making them realize how divine and favorable this relationship is to their growth and reality. They have operated in a sterile, earthy reality devoid of depth, but now they are welcomed into a sensual reality filled with depth and a connection to something greater and divine. This energy reminds me of a mythical forest, with lush grass and small pink faeries. 11:11

Only in my dreams - Debbie Gibson, how deep is your love – Bee Gees

Pile three Lover’s Shadow Side: Your lover’s shadow side is that they can forget themselves in relationships and people. They might be the type to feel really unfilled without a romantic relationship. I am sensing neptune and jupiter in this person’s chart. This person’s shadow entails them to want to be their person’s everything, which can quickly become co-dependent. They might be very connected to their crown chakra. Your lover’s shadow side is also deeply feminine.

Their shadow side empowers your relationship because there is always a deep longing for you and what you guys have.This person will always appreciate it and will always be thinking about you. This relationship might unintentionally teach them a lesson of space and boundaries, aiding them to be more independent in a healthy way, but ultimately you are always in their heart and mind. They feel their feelings deeply, and experience this love like it’s their first <3 This pile has the energy of a sweet 90s ballad, in which they are serenading their lover.

I Will be your everything - Tommy Page, I miss you - Klymaxx

[tossawary]

Recent "Star Trek" reboot universes have really tried to sell me on three different romances for Spock with other TOS characters whom he did not have romantic relationships (at least not positive ones) with in TOS, which makes it particularly annoying when some fans try to squirm away from the idea of ST ever doing a future reboot or remake in which Spock/Kirk are explicitly queer.

Like, "But it's not in the original! They want to be faithful to the original!" really, REALLY does not pass the "I think you might just be discomforted by queerness and you should work on that, rather than making appeals to the authority of textual accuracy to avoid being called a homophobe or transphobe" check here. Because it's not as though these reboots care about perfect faithfulness on pretty much any other front. We'll accept that the costumes and special effects get updated to move with the times, we'll accept wildly different characterization choices that essentially give these characters new personalities, we'll accept new timelines that change the entire political map of the galaxy, but you as a fan draw the line at "What if this character was bisexual this time?" Really???

To be clear, I am not trying to dunk on Spock/Uhura, Spock/Chapel, or Spock/T'Pring here, I am merely trying to illustrate a frustrating double-standard. TOS Uhura does notably flirt with Spock several times! I see it! I remember TOS Chapel's feelings for Spock being one-sided, but I also don't think it's a bad thing to try to update TOS's more misogynistic writing choices regarding female characters. TOS T'Pring did... kind of try to kill Spock because she didn't want to marry him, but again, I don't necessarily think it's immediately a bad thing to try to explore her as a character and her betrothal to Spock. It's fine! It's fine by me to explore new takes in new AUs.

It's just that none of that evidence from TOS for those relationships holds much of a candle to whatever the fuck Kirk and Spock had going on to inspire The Premise. "Amok Time" is an Experience. There's only so many times that Kirk can say something like, "The cost [of abandoning Spock] would have been my soul," before you want to put your face in your hands. They are taking shiny pebbles from TOS and trying their very best to sell them to me as the basis for romantic relationships in reboots, sure, while they are standing in the shadow of Spirk Evidence Mountain (TOS).

(Yes, I have seen the recent "Unification" short film. Yes, I enjoyed it. No, I will not consider Spirk "officially canon" until all plausible deniability for the squirmy folks has been completely, explicitly destroyed by a HUMAN kiss onscreen.)

And okay, I must admit, at the moment, I don't actually want Spirk to eventually happen in "Strange New Worlds" now that they've finally met. I'm mostly indifferent to their Spock and Kirk actors, personally, and the writing for every canonical romantic relationship in both SNW and "Discovery" so far has gotten a solid "well, they certainly are standing next to each other" from me. (Yes, even the gay marriage in "Discovery". I just haven't been into it so far.) I think the writers would fumble Spirk if they tried it in this specific show and then annoying fans would use the fumble as "evidence" never to try to do Spirk or queer retakes on other TOS characters ever again, or as "proof" against other queer ST in other shows characters generally.

I'm mostly just mildly annoyed that I have to keep watching Spock specifically, famously read by many people as a queer man, be straight and messy about it, especially when there has not really been a significant queer relationship onscreen in SNW yet, unless you count M'Benga's daughter Rukiya and her glow cloud friend named Debra, which I personally don't, honestly. I'd like an onscreen relationship with a main character with zero plausible deniability. There's definitely nothing yet that comes remotely close to the screentime that Spock/Chapel, Spock/T'Pring, and Kirk/La'an have all been given so far, unfortunately. (Sulu is not here yet. Scotty has just shown up. If Scotty gets to make out with a guy next season, or Uhura or Ortegas gets to make out with a lady, without it being part of some god-like-being's fantasy world, then I may be satisfied.) (Also, yes, I am aware of queer characters and relationships in other "Star Trek" shows, thanks. I very much enjoyed Mariner having her incredibly silly breakup with her girlfriend in "Lower Decks".)

"Star Trek" is one of those properties where some people's double-standards regarding romantic interpretations of the original series really jump out. "They can't do Kirk/Spock because they want to be faithful to the original!" Get real.

[m-neuvillette]

Where’s the trophy? He just comes running over to me!

Oliver Aiku, Sae Itoshi, Tetsuro Kuroo, Kotaro Bokuto, Kojiro Nanjo (Joe) x fem reader

Small scenarios of my favorite athletic anime boys to this Taylor Swift song <3

Oliver Aiku

Since the Blue Lock project was completed and viewed as a success the new Japan National team was created. Oliver staying as its star defender and captain.

Oliver has really enjoyed playing with the Blue Lock boys. He is also happy they are on his team and he gets to lead them to become the best soccer players he knows they can be.

Now here they are, the World Cup. The Japan National team has made it all the way to the championship game. Oliver takes a deep breath and looks at the scoreboard. 1-0 with one minute left. They are winning. They are so close to the win he can almost taste it.

Japan has been outplaying the other team this entire game. Oliver is now just watching his offensive line pass the ball around to kill time on the clock. He is so antsy right now, he can stop from jumping up and down a bit.

3…2…1… *buzzer noise*…. The crowd is going wild and is so loud. But everything seems so quiet to Oliver. He can’t believe it, it feels so surreal. He accomplished his dream. HE AND HIS TEAMMATES DID IT!!! Oliver then looks around to see his teammates coming to run back to the defensive line to celebrate.

While the team celebrates on the field you and other family, friends, and lovers of his teammates head to the field. You’re sadly toward the back of the group but you can’t even seem to care because Oliver accomplished his dream.

The group gets to the field and the team pulls apart from celebrating with each other to find their loved ones. Oliver is looking around to try and find you. He’s just buzzing to get you in his arms. He realizes the crowd is breaking up and sees you towards the back. Without a second hesitation he runs towards you.

You really want to push these people out of your way to try and find Oliver but they are in the same boat as you so you impatiently wait until the crowd breaks up. They finally start to break into group and you turn to your left to see Oliver sprinting towards you.

Oliver gets to you and before either of you can say a word both he has a hand on the back of your head and pulls you into a deep kiss. He puts his other hand on your lower back to pull you closer towards him. You quickly wrap your arms around his neck wanting him even closer.

Oliver breaks the kiss and leans down to connect your foreheads. He just stares at you with so much love and excitement. You smile back at him starting to cry, “Congratulations Oliver!! You accomplished your dream. I am SO proud of you baby.”

Oliver wipes your tears, “Cmon baby, you’re going to make me start crying.” It’s true you can see his eyes start to water, “I couldn’t have done this without your support. I cannot thank you enough for being for me this entire tournament and here right now. I love you so much baby.”

You quickly respond, “I love you more Oliver.” Oliver then pulls you into the biggest, warmest and tightest hug you guys have ever shared. Oliver may have just accomplished his dream but you’ll still always be his favorite trophy.

Sae Itoshi

You and Sae were childhood friends. You two were super close because you were the only other person Sae could stand besides his younger brother. It broke your heart when your friend told you that he was leaving for Spain.

You had the biggest crush on Sae your entire childhood and it only seemed like those feelings grew once he left. Little did you know Sae was in the same boat.

So after two years of being in Spain he called you one night begging you to come to Spain to be with him. You weren’t exactly close with your parents or had anything tying you down to Japan so you quickly agreed. And the rest is history.

Here you are now watching Sae play in a tournament with a bunch of different teams in it. His team made it all the way to the championship and you couldn’t be more excited. Sae has gotten two assists and has been playing perfectly.

Sae doesn’t show it but he’s so excited. They are up 5-1 with 10 seconds left. It’s a guaranteed win. The buzzer goes off indicating the game is over and that he and his team won.

Sae goes to celebrate with his team but he isn’t super close with them so he more or so sticks to high fives compared to hugs. He is just waiting till you come down to the field because in all honesty he wants to celebrate with you.

You couldn’t stop crying he accomplished one of his many soccer dreams and at a young age too. You don’t even hesitate to run down to the field to find him. Once you get down there you make eye contact and see he has been waiting for you.

Sae really only runs for soccer but you’re the exception. He is sprinting towards you. Once he gets to you he pulls you into a bone crushing hug. He is quick to ask, “Why are you crying?”

You tell him, “Sae, you accomplished one of your dreams!! And I got to see it at the same time. I am SO proud of you.”

Sae pulls back to wipe your tears and looks at you like you are the only person in the world. “Thank you beautiful. I couldn’t have done this without you being here with me. I love you.”

You respond instantly, “I love you too Sae. More than you can imagine my superstar.”

Sae smiled and leans down to give you a kiss putting so much love behind it. Sae knows there is so many opportunities for him in Spain but he sees so many more opportunities with you.

Tetsuro Kuroo

You met Kuroo your first year in chemistry. Your assigned seats were by each other and you guys instantly connected. He convinced you early into your first year to become the manager for the volleyball team and you don’t regret joining.

At the end of your first year Kuroo asked you out and you two have been dating ever since. You’ve watched Kuroo grow from a loud and passionate first year into a strong captain (who is still loud and passionate).

You and Nekoma are currently at the nationals entry game against Noehbi. Kuroo was talking to you about the game last night about how bad he wanted to go to nationals his last year of playing. All you wanted was to have that happen.

This game is frustrating to watch because Noehbi’s cheating is really making everyone mad. That doesn’t stop Kuroo from cheering everyone on. Everyone started to get on edge once Yaku gets hurt.

You saw Kuroo run to him right away to try and help. You know Kuroo is stressed but he isn’t showing it. You know he has a deep trust in his team and won’t let this game end in a loss.

You see the boys work together and pull off the win. Everyone is cheering while the team is celebrating. As much as you want to run to Kuroo and celebrate you know to give him time with his team.

Kuroo was exhausted from the game but that didn’t stop him from running around and celebrating that they are going to nationals. After he is done hugging the team he turns to face you.

He gives you a soft smile indicating that he can celebrate with you now. You are tearing up because of how proud you are of them but also because you know that this is the final stretch of the third years.

Once you stand up indicating you’re ready to celebrate he crosses the court with ease right to you. Kuroo places his forehead against yours. He sees your tears and goes to kiss them away then quickly kisses your lips. “Darling don’t go crying on me now, we are suppose to be celebrating.”

“Sorry Kuroo, I’m just so happy and proud. You got to go to nationals one last time. That is also making me sad because it’s our last time as manager and captain.”

Kuroo lets out a couple of tears and pulls you into a hug to whisper into your ear, “Thank you. We have one more last page to write in this part of our lives but I have a whole future planned with you so don’t worry. I love you darling.”

You whisper into Kuroo’s ear, “I love you too my captain.”

Kotaro Bokuto

You met Bokuto through Akaashi. Akaashi took you as an apprentice journalist to see what the routine of one looks like. Bokuto gave Akaashi an extra ticket to have you come and get a good seat.

Once Akaashi introduced you to Bokuto the story wrote itself. Bokuto was quick to ask you to be his girlfriend and you have been to every game since.

This game is really important to Bokuto today because this is the one to indicate the best men’s professional team in Japan. He is playing against and with a bunch of people he grew up with.

You know he’ll have a fun time playing but you also know he wants to win. You’ve seen his excitement all day today and you can’t wait to see that on the court.

You sat next to Akaashi during the game and met a lot of Bokuto’s friends from high school. It makes you happy to know a lot of people are excited and happy for him. He truly is one of a kind.

The game goes on, the teams are neck to neck. One team will take the lead then the other will and it’s a cycle like that. But in the end Bokuto’s team ended up winning.

You make your way down to the court with the rest of Bokuto’s friends. You stay behind though so Bokuto can see his friends first since he hasn’t seen a good amount of them for years.

Bokuto had another idea though. Once you all got to the court and he didn’t see you at the front of the group he pushed through the group to find you.

Once he finds you he smiles and picks you up by the waist and spins you around. He’s laughing and staring at you with so much happiness. Bokuto yell, “SWEETHEART WE WON!!! DID YOU SEE IT!?! DID YOU SEE MY INSANE SPIKES?!?”

You giggle and hold onto his shoulders. You yell back, “YES PRETTY BOY I SAW!!! YOU PLAYED AMAZING, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!”

Bokuto slowly puts you down and leans down to give you a kiss. He gives you a hug. “Well I only did so good because I had my lucky charm here watching.”

Later that night Bokuto gave you a necklace with his number on it so you can wear it to games to show off that you’re his lucky charm.

Kojiro Nanjo (Joe)

You’ve known Joe and Cherry since high school and once they created S they always invited you to come and watch them skate.

After a guy at S got too close to you and made you uncomfortable one of them is always with you. One time while Joe was skating you told Cherry you had feelings for Joe but had no idea how to tell him. Cherry ended setting you two up because he knew Joe also had feelings for you.

Joe stopped all his playboy habits once he knew he had a chance. He ended up becoming the picture perfect boyfriend.

Ever since the tournament Adam held, tournaments became a regular occurrence. S tried to make different tournaments to highlight different types of skating. This tournament that was going on now was a strength and speed tournament. Meaning it was perfect for Joe.

The final match was between Joe and Shadow. Joe and Shadow come up to the group and everyone wishes them luck even though Joe won’t need it. Miya is quick to say that too which causes everyone to laugh and Shadow to have a meltdown.

They then go to line up and start the beef. Once they start skating you and the group head down to the finish line.

Joe is in the lead and Shadow is having a hard time catching up. Everyone expected this to happen but you are still so excited to watch Joe skate. He really is a different person when he is skating. You can see how much love he has for it when he is doing these tournaments and it’s so much fun to watch.

They are starting to get closer to the finish line and Shadow has no hope in catching up now. Joe makes it to final stretch and only pushes himself to go faster. Once he crosses the finish line he quickly jumps off his board and jogs right over to you.

Joe picks you up in a hug and gives you a passionate kiss. He slips his tongue into your mouth to deepen the kiss. Once your tongues move in a dance, Cherry hits him on the back to make you two stop. Joe tightens his hold on you to make sure you don’t fall. “I get you guys love each other but there’s a crowd.”

Joe puts you down but still is hugging you and glares at Cherry, “I don’t care you douche. I am here to collect my reward.” Joe turns his attention back to you and smiles down at you. “Hey there pretty girl, did you enjoy the beef?”

You wrap your arms around his frame and put your chin on his chest to look up at him, “Hi handsome. I did enjoy watching you skate. You were amazing out there as always. Congratulations my champion.”

Joe winks at you then gives a little quick kiss to your forehead, “How about we celebrate a little more after this?” You agree and Joe drags you off to his motorcycle to head back to his place for the rest of his reward.

[lumineary-arts]

Can you explain more about the Thuzi relationship in your murder drone swap au please? I am in LOVE with your AU and while i am a Nuzi shipper for life, i am interested how Thad and Uzi relationship is like with them being in V and N’s role respectively.

This is gonna be a DOOOOZY so sit back and enjoy the essay!

Back in the mansion, Thad and Uzi 100% had mutual crushes on each other. Uzi was the tomboyish maid who didn't always love doing her duties and she ESPECIALLY didn't like being bossed around, but there were a few things making it worth it. For one, there was her bond with Nori, there was the fact she needed to look after Doll, and then there was Thad.

In the mansion he was always super friendly and chill. Very outgoing despite their situation. Even though Lizzy gave her shit a lot of the time just for being.. her, Thad was extremely kind to Uzi. He'd lightly flirt with her a lot, they bonded over her interests, and it was obvious to both of them that they had a good thing going.

When their memories got wiped and they got turned into Disassembly Drones, his personality seemed to do a 180. All of a sudden, though he was still outgoing and flirty, he was also violent, smug and acted, for a lack of a better term, like a douche. She still liked him though, she felt like she could kinda see beyond that. I mean.. sure they spent less time together, given how he spends a lot more time ripping the entrails out of whatever poor worker drone he set his eyes on... but he was still Thad. They had a.. thing going on... she thinks. She can't remember. But, she still liked him.

But when she met N, this sweet and nerdy worker drone who actually got along with her really well and seemed to always have his heart in the right place, she really started to tolerate Thad's "bully" behavior towards him a lot less. N wasn't really throwing punches back in Thad's way so that made it hard to watch. She was usually the mediator between them and being way more hot-headed than N was, she often got into arguments with Thad every time it happened. By Episode 3, she realized she wasn't crushing on him like she was before.

Even with that though, she still cared about him so much. When he sacrifices himself in Episode 6 she's beside herself. Overall, Thad's still extremely important to her and she does love him, just not in the same way she did before. They're very very close to this day.

On Thad's end of things, his personality change after their transformation was more of a facade than anything. He took on a violent, macho persona because it made him feel safer and more in control of himself, even though he still had the traumatizing memories of the mansion. He remembered Uzi and their mutual crushes, his feelings for her hadn't went away. But for whatever reason, he found it was easier to push those emotions away because they just reminded him of the mansion and what Doll did. And THAT, he couldn't handle.

He prioritized killing worker drones because in some ways, it was fun and he was at the top of the food chain. If he did that, he'd survive, so would Uzi and Lizzy, and he could get a sadistic kick out of ripping his prey apart. Something that he used to cope. This was his life now, he might as well enjoy it.

But then there came N, convincing Uzi to make peace with the worker drones and somehow Thad ended up.. "allying" with them in a way. N was scrawny and an easy target and so obviously had a thing for Uzi, it was lowkey annoying. Thad played along with their truce, but he still took the opportunities to mess with and pick on N since he felt a weird bit of antagonistic hostility toward the little guy.

I think Thad could sense Uzi's feelings for him fade over time, with every moment he stayed uncooperative and antagonistic, and it lowkey saddened him. But he couldn't really change how he was acting. It was his way of coping and if it meant losing Uzi overtime, then.. so be it.

But luckily for him, she never seemed to wanna drop him completely. She still cared about him and he still cared about her. His romantic feelings for her faded over time, especially after she and N started dating for real. Besides, he's alive, they're still friends, he has another friend in J.. he can finally kinda start living a normal life.

So they're good. He and Uzi are alive, and they're good. <3

chat its 2am does any of this make sense to you

[maybanksmusings]

THE WALLS ; JJ MAYBANK

SYNOPSIS ; when an unknown face appears in the outer banks searching for a father she's never met, she's unaware of how her life is about to be completely turned upside down.

WARNINGS ; jjmaybank x routledge!oc, strong language, depictions of violence, afab!reader, sexual content, mentions of abuse, drug and alcohol consumption, strangers to lovers, fast burn to slow burn, canon adjacent, not proofread.

AUTHORS NOTE ; changes are being made! see this post to learn more. to me, this part seems a little like a filler, but i want to explore veronica as a character and develop each relationship with each character as something more than a side character, not just honing in on her relationship with jj, which of course is a huge part of the story also.

part one. part two. part three.

when veronica begins to stir, the sun had long set. there was no way of knowing how long the pair had been asleep, all she knew was the lights of the chateau were off and there was a bright pink post it note stuck to jj’s head.

‘gone fishin’. jb pissed.’

pope signed off on the note, a small smiley face drawn inside the o of his name. veronica knew the pouges hadn’t actually gone fishing, that is was some sort of code jj would decipher when he came to.

in this moment, veronica was content. wrapped in the arms of the most beautiful person she’d ever seen.

what could only be described as a war was ongoing in her head. she wasn’t exactly one to believe in love at first sight, she thought this entire ‘spark’ thing was something made up by male authors to keep women reading their shitty romance books to keep them hooked, waiting for it to happen to them.

but then she met jj, and he was like a magnet. every time veronica was in his presence she was mesmerised, whenever he was gone she felt like all the colour was drained from the world.

there was only two problems.

there was a maximum of forty eight hours that they knew each other, add to that he was her brothers best friend, then add to that said brother made it crystal clear that inter-group dating was not allowed.

oh, and then the whole ‘nobody knows i’m his sister but us’ thing.

“you’re staring, baby” jj mumbled, his voice low and tired as he stirred beneath her “can’t say i blame you”

with a sarcastic scoff, veronica sits upright in the hammock, her legs laid out across the blonds lap “just admiring the drool on your face”

“aren’t you funny.”

comfortable silence follows, jj crosses his arms behind his head and blinks the sleep out of his eyes. even though she was staring off into the water, veronica could feel jj’s eyes on her.

“can i help you?” veronica quipped, a teasing lilt to her words as she face the boy in question “use your words, you’ll get there.”

unexpectedly, jj sighs and lets his head fall back “what am i doing?”

veronica knows he didn’t intent for her to hear him, but she did. she would be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed, but she was even more disappointed in herself at the pang of sadness that hit her.

before she can say, or do, anything, jj is sat up a little straighter and speaking again.

“listen, you’re a really cool girl,” he pauses, shaking his head and starting again “you’re hot as shit, damn it!”

barely, veronica manages to mask her giggle with a cough.

“don’t ask me how or why, but i gotta tell you i’m super into you.” he blurts out “yeah, makes no fuckin’ sense, we barely know each other, no pouge on pouge macking, you ain’t feeling me like that-“

her body is moving before her brain can even comprehend what she’s doing, chipped nail polish framing blond hair as she held his face in her hands and pressed their lips together.

then, her brain kicks in, and veronica jumps back like she’d just been burnt.

“fuck, jay i’m so sorry. i wasn’t thinking,”

seconds pass agonisingly slow and veronica can’t help but think about just how badly she had just fucked up.

but she doesn’t get to overthink for long.

a calloused hand tangled in long, brown hair. the other gripping her waist like it was a lifeline, helping her into his lap as his tongue makes its way into her mouth.

the kiss is messy, it’s desperate. like two people drowning, taking in the other like they were air. hands cling to whatever they can, afraid if they let go it would all be over.

any reservations veronica may have had about ‘the spark’ were discarded, undermined even, this wasn’t a spark, it was fireworks.

but fireworks don’t last forever, and when the sound of john b’s rickety van can be heard drawing closer. the newfound excitement being dulled by the shadow known as a protective older brother, a protective best friend.

by the time the missing pouges pour out of the twinkie, veronica and jj are in much less compromising positions, now sitting beside each other trading menial conversation about the earlier events of the day.

“welcome back to the land of the living,” kiara teases, a yellow vape coming up to her mouth as she took a hit “you two were out cold.”

instinctively, veronica’s hand shot out, wordlessly pleading for a hit of her vape. with a groan, kie handed it over.

veronica lets her head fall back against the hard oak of the tree behind her, relishing the feeling of her first hit of nicotine in two days. she had a vape when she left home, but it died before she even made it to the outer banks and being broke meant she couldn’t even go buy a replacement.

“you could’ve woke us up, y’know” jj defended, trying his hardest to act as if nothing happened, reminding himself to stop staring.

pope scoffs, not missing the longing stares sent the brunettes direction but purposefully ignoring them “we tried, it nearly cost us our lives.”

unamused, john b walks past the rest of the group in silence. when he gets to the door of the chateau he looks over his shoulder and nods for veronica to follow.

the girl is suddenly more attentive, climbing over the human embodiment of a golden retriever and padding her way into the house behind the older of the two.

“does the name redfield mean anything to you?” john b questions, passing a beer from the fridge and getting one for himself “like, the surname.”

veronica is quiet, her finger tracing the rim of the can as she goes through every crevice of her brain in search of any name even remotely close, there’s only one.

“chris redfield.” she answers with a nod, popping the tab of the can and taking a swig “but i don’t get how he’s involved.”

“why not? who is he!?”

“a video game character.”

with a huff of annoyance john b drags a chair across the kitchen to sit beside veronica, unscrewing his compass and placing it down on the table. the name ‘redfield’ is carved into the metal.

“we went back to the boat, found a motel key, whatever.” john b shrugs off the rest of their findings, more invested in whoever this redfield person was. “then i remembered when you showed me that note, the one in the compass. then i found this, figured you would know more than i do.”

veronica gently traced the carved metal, it was definitely their fathers scrawl, she’d memorised it from the note she read over and over and over.

it couldn’t be a coincidence, her fathers note asking her to meet, the matching compasses. now this?

“if i’m going to help you, i need to know..” she trailed off, biting at the edges of her nails as she wondered how to phrase her next question “does this have anything to do with dad dying?”

“he’s not dead.” john b’s voice is louder, stern. then his face softens and he tears his gaze away from the compass and to the floor “sorry, just, i know he’s out there. and this? this is proof.”

“john b, i get it.” the younger routledge speaks slowly, trying not to tread on any toes “you’re not the only one who wants him to be alive, that needs to see him. but i don’t see how this—”

“dad found the royal merchant. four hundred million dollars in gold, and he found it. he’s trying to tell us where to find it.”

veronica sighs, fingers rubbing at her tired eyes as she once again tried to think of any connection to any redfield. when it came to family, she only knew the bare minimum, her fathers name and her mothers maiden name.

what she did know, however, was the royal merchant. as a child her father sent her maps and books on birthdays and christmases without fail, until one day they stopped.

“you’ve got books and stuff, right?” she finally asked, not wanting to get either her or john b’s hopes up. a nagging feeling was telling her their dad was alive, but she knew he wouldn’t just up and abandon his son.

the walls of her fathers study feel like they’re closing in on her, john b let her inside and left her to it. veronicas hand ghosts over the framed maps and dusty books. blueprints of ships with her fathers messy scrawl written randomly around the paper.

there’s pictures of john b littered all over the office, all different life stages, a few feature jj and veronica can’t help but smile at the photo of two little boys holding a fish between them.

on the desk there’s a picture frame, immediately veronica recognises her mother, years younger and a gentle hand placed on her tummy. in the same frame, there’s an ultrasound that veronica almost bypassed as john b, but when she looked at the date it was a long time after he was born.

it was her ultrasound.

it was her in her moms tummy, framed and proudly placed right on her fathers desk.

everything comes back at once. finding the note, and in turn the years worth of letters her mother had hidden from her. the dateline special with john b pleading for information about his father, their father. the fight with her mother, packing a bag in the middle of the night and making her way to the address stored safely inside her compass.

the tears don’t register until they hit the glass of the frame, the last few weeks of pent up anger, sadness and hurt bubbling over from the flame that single photo sparked.

her dad loved her.

for years she’d heard about her absent father, then the absent father that passed when she was a baby. the father who didn’t want the responsibility of a child and ran away once he found out.

but the letters, the compass, this picture? john routledge loved the daughter he was forbidden from seeing, from the second he knew about her he loved her.

and now he was dead.

a sudden wave of anger rushes from her head to her toes, glass shattering when she throws the dusty old frame against the wall with a scream. papers fly and maps fall from the walls as she turns her fathers office into her own personal rage room.

the racket coming from the small room shakes the chateau, so it’s no surprise when the pouges come crashing through the door.

the pouges eyes briefly flash with fear when their eyes land on the destruction caused by the newest arrival, but it’s quickly replaced by a familiar sadness when veronica crumples to the ground, screaming as loud as her lungs would allow for them to get out.

they don’t know what’s wrong, but it doesn’t matter. veronica was now considered a friend, and they gathered that’s what she needed right about now.

jj is the first to enter, drawing closer slowly as if he were being cautious “it’s okay, ronnie.” he mutters softly, dodging shattered glass as he knelt beside her “we’re here, we got you.”

kiara, john b and pope are close behind, wrapping veronica in what could only be described as a group hug until her tears subsided.

taglist!

@ren-ni @marleymarleymarleymarley @miidollaasignnn @rainingcecilias @tanyaherondale @xspideyhollandx @sluterainterlude @loverofmarsss @xoxo-ada @gigistalked @genderlessmenance

[hispanthicc]

Sex As A Guy Who Got Fat On Purpose

I like sex. I enjoy sex a lot. I haven't always "gotten off" during sex but that wasn't really a priority for me because I just liked the act of doing it. I think mostly I enjoyed getting my partner off. I used to have a lot of sex, or at least a lot in comparison to now, but since i've gained weight I haven't had much sex or any at all really.

I didn't realize how much this lack of sex was affecting me. I think having sex and being able to find people to have sex with me made me feel attractive. So the lack of it has made me feel unattractive, at least to locals. Online people seem to still find me attractive. I know that just because I haven't had it doesn't mean that I am unattractive. I know there are also a lot of factors that play into it. Anyways I went from having it regularly to not having it at all.

Gaining is hard for me so for the first few years of me trying to get fat on purpose I was basically just skinny, toned, and had a slightly rounded tummy which would completely disappear if I flexed. I could pass as skinny for a while. Then COVID hit and my physical activity levels became non existent. I very quickly went from being stuck at 130 lbs all the way to 220 lbs at my highest during 2020-2021. I also had a serious surgery which meant I couldn't do anything for about a year. So I got pretty chunky for a bit. then I lost like 40 lbs after going through a break up. which btw was not a sexual relationship, and I think that also affected me a lot in a negative way. Especially because of some of the things he said in the end which made me feel really unattractive.

I'm not really the type of guy that chases anyone or initiates anything and this has nothing to do with my weight because i've never pursued anyone that isn't already pursuing me. I am really shy and the very few times i've tried, i've been rejected. So I don't. This usually just leads to me talking to a bunch of guys that i'm not attracted to which definitely doesn't lead to sex.

I used to be really open sexually. i've found thing i've written and posted from years ago that I would probably be too shy or too embarrassed to say now. But being with my ex he kinda made me feel a lot of shame for the things that I liked sexually or was attracted to. Since then I find it hard to connect with people sexually.

I think i'm also afraid that if I am too open sexually it'll attract the wrong kinds of people, which is something I unfortunately have experience with.

Most of the guys that are attracted to me are usually not locals and unfortunately means that a lot of the communication is all talk. They usually want me to send nudes or they want to send me nudes and sometimes looking is nice but I am not always in the mood to take pics for someone especially when they're probably just gonna disappear when they cum. Online sexual communication doesn't really do it for me. I want it in real life, the online barrier is frustrating and it honestly feels no different than jerking off to porn, which is fine but the real thing is so much better. There seems to be a lack of a real personal connection with it and it feels like i'm like mentally turned off by it. I never ask for nudes because I don't want anyone asking me for nudes. I genuinely hate when I’m talking to someone and they're so nice at first and then they say "Can I see more of you" because then it feels like they didn't mean any of the compliments they were just trying to soften me up to get nudes out of me. I usually only send stuff like that to friends.

It also seems like guys are more focused on what they want instead of what I want and many of them say things like "I want to do this to you" and never "would you like it if I did this to you" which maybe isn't that big of a deal but it comes across as less caring,

I don't know how I appear to others but I would say currently I look pretty chubby all over and I don't think I would be mistaken for skinny even when I suck in. Sometimes I shock myself when I see my reflection or see a pic someone else took. My body is bigger all over and it's still very new to me to actually be a fat guy. I like the way I look and I like the way being fat feels. I feel sexually aroused by it and I keep trying to make myself bigger and bigger but I know that isn't a common thing for people to be into IRL. So it's kinda like "do I lose weight so that I can be physically appealing enough to have sex irl" or do I just keep gaining cuz it makes me happier in general even if it is killing my sex life. I also think about how a lot of people in the gainer community are Asexual-ish or their sexuality is so tied to the fat that if I did lose weight i'd probably lose the affection of those people too. So many times I see "so-and-so lost weight and now I’m not attracted to them anymore" which is extremely hurtful even if it doesn't apply to me at the moment.

I wish I wasn't so shy but I’m not sure that it would matter. I feel like everyone has an idea of what they want in a partner (sexually or romantically) and I’m not sure that I fit, no pun intended, what people want where I live, and I hate knowing that eventually i'll probably have to move just to find someone.

I also know that my tragic dating life and non existent sex life are my fault. I'm not an easy person to get close to or be with but I’m trying to learn how let people in and be the best I can be for someone whenever I do actually connect.

[is-it-cute-gf-au-edition]

Hey, thanks for calling my blog "otherwise good content" when most of my stuff is focused on Ford Pines. Seems kinda like a backhanded compliment, but maybe you're just rude IRL. I'm an understanding person.

Anyway, who are you to decide what is and isn't cute? I, personally, think Ford Pines is ADORABLE! I mean, look at him!!! Someone sent me this picture of him with his head stuck in a trash can! TELL ME that isn't some America's Funniest Home Videos (pet category) shit.

Also, apparently, the other guy in the picture punched the person who took the photo? IDK who he is, but he looks like Ford, so maybe Cipher made a clone? Clone's less cute, though. Explain that with your fucking rating system

Hi,

Okay, I'm going to clear a few things up for my followers.

First of all: I really don't want to come off as passive aggressive. That's not what I'm about, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't help anyone to be anything but completely up front when you're on the internet.

I'm sorry if my comment seemed backhanded. I started following Jellyskink back when she mostly posted OC character designs, when I was in a hardcore comics and graphic design phase. I haven't kept up with the blog regularly since. I am truly sorry for misrepresenting you here. (I really, truly am a fan of your work.)

With that said, I am not going to be passive aggressive about this. I'm being explicit: THE FORD PINES REPOSTS ARE NOT OKAY. How do I even begin to explain that you're reposting videos of a grown human man being treated as a pet, and not even well?

I rate content based on whether the pets in them are actually displaying "cute" behavior (playful, friendly, well-trained, healthy) or if they're showing signs of distress and mistreatment. That's my rating system. The fact that people want me to "rate" an adult human man when it is, again, against interdimensional law to treat sophonts as pets/livestock and humans are a sophont species, is already kind of weird.

But, hey. I'm willing to play along. I'm a good sport. If they're pet videos, I'll check to make sure that the pet isn't showing signs of distress or abuse!

Except he definitely is.

Jellyskink, let's just give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're just really bad at reading the room. I'm telling you now: Ford Pines is in obvious distress in practically all of these video clips. I don't think you care. I think you're a Cipher Loyalist and thinks the dorito can just treat Ford however he wants because he's a god. But if you're not, prove it: stop posting exploitative Ford Pines videos. They aren't even your flapping videos, you're reposting them. Go back to making cheesy OC Do Not Steal art. That contributed to the world.

Now, about the picture, since you asked:

RATING: NOT CUTE.

This is a guy who got assaulted with a trash can!! Even if this wasn't a human I'd be rating this not cute! It's horrible! And you know what else makes it not cute? You know how I always give things a bad rating when the handler or the person taking the video isn't being safe with it? Well, the guy taking the picture is 100% about to get assaulted. You know why?

THAT IS STANLEY PINES. Is he Ford's clone? I don't know - how do you count identical twins? Cipher didn't make him, they're brothers. You can literally look it up. How are you a so-called Ford Pines fan and you don't even know who Stanley Pines is? He's the sole proprietor of the anomaly distributor Pines Profundities. It's public record. He's in the New York business registry.

So, yeah. The guy taking the picture of a grown man stuck in a garbage can was being pretty stupid and is about to get punched by the man's brother, because that's what happens when you're a jerk to random strangers in New York.

[thesparkling-diamond27]

Dancing Through Life

Fiyero Tigelaar x Reader

Summary: Y/n Upperland of the Upper Uplands, cousin to Galinda Upand, doesn’t have a problem with Fiyero Tigelaar, but that doesnt’t mean that she wants him around. However, after one simple walk with the Winkie Prince, Y/n discovers that he’s not so bad after all.

A/n: hi hi! I’m back with a Fiyero one shot, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten about the second Bridgerton and I. I’ve written two chapters so far over thanksgiving break and I might try to squeeze in one more chapter or at least half of one before I go back to school. I don’t really have enough time to write when I am at school, so the next time I’ll probably get back to writing during Christmas break which is in a couple weeks. Then I’ll finish the Bridgerton and I and I’m thinking about waiting to finish the Bridgerton and I completely before posting any more chapters, so the ff will probably be finished in December. I wrote this one shot because Wicked has been on my mind 24/7 and I can write whatever comes to mind, but for the Bridgerton and I have to sit down and rewatch Bridgerton episodes so that I can make sure I get all the words exactly right. I hope you guys continue to be patient as I try to finish it :).

I have recently seen the movie Wicked and plan to see 10 million more times because it is SO GOOD. Wicked is basically my whole personality at this point. I was already obsessed with Fiyero, but Jonathan Bailey as Fiyero made my obsession worse (but in a good way :)). And with this obsession comes a Jonathan Bailey Fiyero Tigelaar one shot. I hope you enjoy!! I also have a plan to write another one so stay tuned for that!

It was a beautiful day today, so after class I decided to read at my favorite spot: the bench under the oak tree. I loved it here because it was a peaceful place where I never got disturbed. Or so I thought.

I realized he was near when I heard the sound of boots stepping onto grass. It was only when his shadow blocked the words on the page that I finally looked up.

Fiyero looked down on me with curious eyes, but there was still a charming smile plastered on his face. I tried to hide how his smile affected me, but he must have noticed the change in my demeanor because his smile turned into a smirk.

I thought after my cousin Galinda introduced him to my brother and I earlier today would be the last time I saw him for the day. It appears the Winkie prince had other plans.

“Well what is Miss Upland doing under the oak tree?” He asked.

“Reading.” I held up my book for effect before I continued back to where I left off.

I saw him take a seat beside me on the bench in the corner of my eye.

“It’s Friday.” He continued.

I rolled my eyes. “I know. I can read calendars.” Fiyero chuckled at my blunt and snippy responses. He could clearly tell that I was annoyed by his presence, but he continued to talk anyway.

“It’s Friday and you are here reading under an oak tree. You should be out there having fun.” He used his hands to gesture to all the other students hanging out at the courtyard.

“This is fun to me.”

“School work is fun?”

“Well for your information this book is not for school it’s for me.”

“Well I believe you are filling your head with too many things. You’re thinking too much.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Well that’s not surprising coming from a prince like you.”

“A prince like me?” Fiyero gave a feigned pained expression. “I’m hurt that you would think that way about me.”

“Well I believe that you present yourself as self-absorbed and deeply shallow, but I don’t think you are. I think you use that as a front to hide the fact that you actually care and have thoughts.”

“Excuse me there’s no pretense here. I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.”

“Okay.” I said not believing him. I shut my book and stood from the bench. I finished the book I was reading and decided to go search for another one to read.

“Well I guess it was nice talking to you.”

I began to walk back to my room, but he blocked my path.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to my room to find another book.”

“Oh come on. Drop the book for once and have some fun.”

“No.”

I pushed past him and walked away without looking back. I was hoping he would leave me alone after that, but luck was not on my side today.

“Since you’re going back to your room, maybe I can save you the trouble of carrying your book all the way back.”

He grabbed the book from my hand before I could say anything.

“Hey give that back!”

I tried to grab the book back, but he raised the book above my head, so that I couldn’t reach and jumping up was no use. Fiyero was laughing at me struggling, so I sighed in defeat.

“Fine. You can help me carry my singular book up to my room.”

Fiyero was happy with my response because he was smiling from ear to ear. We were now standing nose to nose and I could feel his breath fan across my face. If I looked down I would have perfect access to his lips. Wait what was I thinking? I quickly backed away from him before I did anything stupid. Fiyero smiled down at me and said, “See now that wasn’t so hard now was it? Lead the way princess.”

I would he lying if I said I didn’t get affected by his words. Butterflies filled my stomach and I probably would have melted if I didn’t catch myself. What is wrong with me?

“Princess?”

“Yes princess. It suits you. Princess of the Upper Upperlands.” He said with a dramatic voice.

I was about to retaliate when a certain blondey came to mind.

“Shouldn’t you be calling Galinda princess?” I asked.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you two are a thing.”

Fiyero chuckled. “I just met her this morning and besides I’m like this with everyone.”

My heart sunk at his words. So he was just treating me like everyone else? But why was I so upset about it? Just a few hours ago I wanted nothing to do with him and now I was disappointed that he’s not treating me differently.

“And if I called her princess then I wouldn’t be able to call you princess. Princess.” He said with a wink.

That definitely lifted my spirits. Sweet Oz! He was making feel a roller coaster of emotions. I could tell there will never be a dull moment with him.

I gave him a small smile but I looked down on the floor to hide it from him. I didn’t want him to notice that I started to warm up to him, but he saw the slight upturn of my lips.

“Well who knew that Miss Upland could smile. It’s a miracle!”

“Oh shut up!” I said, but you could hear the grin in my voice.

“Besides reading, what do you really do for fun?” I looked up at Fiyero and could tell that he truly wanted to know my genuine answer. So it seems that my premonition about him not being self-absorbed and deeply shallow was true.

“Umm…spending time with friends, swimming. Oh there’s a lake in the Upper Upperlands that my family and I go to every summer to cool off and it has such beautiful scenery. Not to mention the nearby ice cream shop…”

I stopped after I realized that I blabbered on. “I’m sorry I sort of got carried away.”

I looked up at Fiyero, but he didn’t seem bothered at all with my tangent. He actually seemed rather interested with what I had to say.

“No continue.” He said with an encouraging smile.

“No I’d rather not.”

I know he wanted to hear more, but he didn’t push me, which I was glad for. I was a little embarrassed with my little outburst.

“Well how about you discover a new way to have fun?” Fiyero said changing the subject.

“How?”

“Come with me to the Ozdust Ballroom tonight. The most swankified place in town.”

“Aren’t we not supposed to be off campus after dark?”

“Yes, but not being allowed to leave after dark makes it more fun!”

“I’ll pass.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“I left her at home.”

Fiyero paused before he burst into laughter.

“My joke wasn’t that funny.” But I couldn’t help but laugh along with Fiyero.

Fiyero paused again.“Your laugh.”

I took a few moments to recompose myself before asking, “What about my laugh?”

“It’s beautiful.”

I stopped walking and choked on air.

“What?” I asked, but Fiyero ignored me.

“Which way is your room?”

I realized that we have reached the dead end which separated into two hallways.

“This way.” I said as I begin to walk to the right. I walked a little faster to make this walk shorter. I have embarrassed myself way too many times in a such a short amount of time and I just wanted to smash my pillow in my face and scream. The rest of the way was silent until we reached my door.

“Well here we are. My humble abode.” I said. “Thank you for the uh…walk.”

“It was my pleasure. I hope to see you tonight at the Ozdust ballroom Miss Upland.

“Y/n.”

Fiyero smiled at my response.

“Y/n. I hope to see you tonight.”

I opened the door and was about to walk in, but I turned around instead.

“I know you like to put on the facade that you are this Winkie prince who doesn’t have a care in the world, but you’re also human. Yes you might be self-absorbed and shallow, but that’s not all of you and you have thoughts that should be shared. If you take away your crowd of admirers you’ll be left with the real you. If you want to continue with this role in front of everyone then that’s fine…,but you don’t have to be that way with me.”

Fiyero’s expression was unreadable, but I could have sworn I saw flickers of fear and appreciation.

“Y/n…I don’t know what to say.”

His hands fell to his sides and I realized that he still had my book. I slowly inched towards his hand and pulled the book from his grasp. But before I pulled away I took his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“You don’t have to say anything.” I said with a smile.

He nodded and with one last squeeze I pulled away and slowly closed the door shut.

—————————

I laid in my bed, for what seemed like hours, contemplating whether I should go to the Ozdust ballroom or not. I turned to my night stand to see that it’s only been a half hour. I groaned in frustration and covered my face with my pillow. Then I heard a knock at the door. I rose from my bed and opened it to see my brother Ezra.

“You. Me. Ozdust. Tonight.” He said as he entered my room.

“You know about that too?” I said as I shut the door.

“How do you know about it?” He asked curiously.

“I was invited.” I said as I plopped onto my bed. Ezra raised an eyebrow at my words and joined me.

“You were invited?! I wasn’t even invited! Who invited you?”

“So how do you know about it?” I asked avoiding what he asked me.

“I overheard some students talking about it, but don’t avoid the question. Who invited you?”

“Fiyero.”

Ezra’s eyebrows shot up to the ceiling.

“Fiyero Tigelaar of Winkie country? But you hate him.”

“I don’t hate him! Where did you get that impression.”

“When Galinda introduced us to him you didn’t seem to be too pleased with him.”

I thought back to the first impression I had of Fiyero when I first met him.

When he first stood in front of me I took a good look at him and he was exactly what I expected from a Winkie prince. He was dressed to the nines from head to toe. You could tell his blue jacket and pants were made to perfection and the gold accents were sewn with precision. His black polished boots were so shiny that you could even see your own reflection in them. And that was just his clothes.

Fiyero had an aura about him. It was as if he believed he always had to be the center of attention. Reminds me of someone that I know, but I know that Galinda has a heart. It was too soon to tell if he genuinely cares, but by the way he acted and the way the students nearby looked at him, I could already tell that his way of life to everyone else was fake.

Then he approached me later on in the day and I got to know him a little more. I soon realized that he wasn’t all so bad by himself. It was only when he was around everyone else where his walls come up and he acts out his facade.

“I guess I had a change of heart.” I finally answered.

“Uh huh. And how did Fiyero even get the chance to talk to you. The only way that can happen is if you two hung out alone.” Ezra said teasingly as he wiggled his eyebrows. I laughed at his antics.

“Fiyero might have interrupted my peaceful reading time earlier today and I got to know him a little more.”

“Oh?!”

“And before you say anything else there was nothing else to it. He offered to walk me back to my room and that’s when he invited me to the Ozdust ballroom. On our walk back I got to know him a little better and he’s not so bad by himself.”

“Hmm hmm.”

“Nothing else happened!”

“Hey I said nothing!” Ezra said as he lifted his hands to the sides of his face in defense. “But this means that you’re coming!”

“I didn’t say yes.”

“Why-“

“But I didn’t say no either. I’m still thinking about my answer.”

Ezra looped his arm with mine.

“Now I’m forcing you to come because I’m coming and I’m not going to have you sit pathetically in your room.”

“I’m not going to—“

“Ah uh. I won’t take no for an answer. And don’t say you don’t have anything to wear. Your wardrobe is almost as grand and big as Galinda’s.”

Ezra did have a point. I worried about my appearance and wardrobe just as much as Galinda, but I didn’t flaunt it as much as my cousin did.

“Come on.” Ezra grabbed my hands and pulled me up from my bed. He led me to one of my luggage’s that turned into a closet with the push of a button. Ezra pushed the button and pushed me towards my array of dresses.

“Well go on.” He prompted.

I stumbled upon the rack and begin to flip through my choices until I came across a dress that brought a smile to my face.

—————————

Ezra and I missed the boat that Galinda and Fiyero went on, so we arrived at the Ozdust ballroom a little later. I peeked over the corner and was in awe with what I saw.

The entrance of the ballroom had a ginormous staircase which led to the dance floor. At the end of the room was where a band of animals were playing the music. On the ceiling schools of fish were dancing in formation to the beat of the music. That’s when I realized that this ballroom was underwater. That was something I’ve never seen before.

Ezra and I began to walk down the staircase and I began to notice a lot of familiar faces from school.

“Do people come here often?” I asked Ezra. He first attended Shiz last year, so he had a whole year of experience before I came along.

“I would say so. It’s where most people go over the weekend, but this is the first time I’ve ever gone.”

I looked at him shocked. “Really?!”

“Yeah. I’ve never been invited and I’ve always wanted to go, but I never knew how to get here until I overheard those two girls talking today.”

“Well today’s your lucky day!” I said with a smile.

“Indeed it is.” He said with a chuckle. “Oh I see some of my friends I invited over there. Will you be okay on your own?”

“Yeah I will. Galinda should be around here somehere.”

“And Fiyero.” Ezra said with a glint of mischievousness.

“Yeah him too.”

Ezra laughed before he walked over to his two friends. Now I was left alone to fend for myself. I noticed a drink table on the side of the dance floor, so I made my way over there.

I had no idea what was in the glass, but it tasted quite good. I sipped quietly off to the side when I noticed a familiar figure approach me.

“Well if it isn’t Miss Upland.”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Alright then. Princess.”

“Y/n.” I corrected him

“Princess Y/n.”

I figured it would be pointless so I gave up trying to correct him.

“I was almost starting to think you weren’t going to show up. What made you change your mind? Me?”

“Don’t be so full of yourself Fiyero. My brother forced me to come.”

“Aww so I can’t go around telling people that you’re my date tonight?”

I nearly choked on my drink, but I managed to regain my composure.

“Not a chance.”

“What a shame and to think I was going to ask you to dance.”

“I didn’t say no to that.” I said with a teasing smile. Fiyero looked shocked and glad that I was finally playing his game.

“Since you say so, I’ll just take this.”

Fiyero grabbed the drink from my hand and downed the rest of it before setting it on the table.

“Shall we?” He extended out his hand for me to take. I didn’t say anything, but I accepted his hand and he led me to the dance floor.

He began to twirl and whirl me around to the beat of the music and I found a couple laughs slip from my mouth. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time and I couldn’t believe that Fiyero of all people was making that happen.

One by one Galinda, Ezra, and his friends joined us as well. It was great to not care about the trivial things in life and simply dance through life as Fiyero likes to put it.

At one point the band slowed down the tempo of the music to a slower one and Fiyero gave me a knowing look. I looked back at Ezra and he winked at me before walking off the dance floor with his friends. I turned back to Fiyero and grabbed his hand. He gave me a beaming smiling, put his hands on my hips and began to move me across the ballroom floor.

“You know I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier today.” He said.

“About?” But I had an inkling about what he was talking about.

“About me pretending in front of everyone else.” I simply nodded and waited for him to continue.

“I guess I started doing it in order to hide my true depth of character. It was a way for me navigate the superficial social circles and get the chance to meet powerful people. I’ve done it for so long that I forgot what it’s like to just be me, but you were the first person to ever see through that.”

I took a moment to take in his words. It must have been exhausting to keep up that facade for so long. I felt bad for Fiyero. The fact that he felt the need to live like that.

“Well like I said you don’t have to pretend with me. I want to know the real Fiyero Tigelaar. Do you think you can manage to do that?”

“I can for you.”

Under normal circumstances I would have collapsed right then and there there, but that would do either of us no good. Fiyero had just finished telling me something he’s never spoken out loud before and I have to be the support he needs.

He twirled me around once more before pulling me right back into his arms. Then he brought his mouth up to my ear and whispered changing the subject.

“You look beautiful princess. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you tonight. I must say that blue is definitely your color. You are hands down the most beautiful one here.”

“I don’t think so.” I said as I looked down at the floor bashfully.

Fiyero grabbed my chin with his finger and brought my face up to look up at him.

“I beg to differ.” He grabbed a strand of my hair and pulled it back behind my ear. I felt his breath against my ear and shivers traveled down my spine. No boy has ever gave me as much attention as Fiyero has and I was at a loss with what to do. But in a strange way I knew exactly what to do, which is why I was bold enough to try something.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I whispered in his ear.

Fiyero looked confused, but he nodded anyway. I stood up on my tiptoes and went up to his ear, but at the very last second I grabbed his face and connected his lips with mine.

At first he didn’t responded, and I got so scared I got the message wrong, so I almost pulled away. However, he soon reciprocated the kiss and placed one hand firmly on my waist and the other framing my face. The kiss started simple, but then it became more intense. I would have kept on going, but then I remembered where we were.

I pulled away and looked around to see my brother looking at me with a knowing look as if he was saying I told you so. He mouthed, “And you said there was nothing else to it.”

“Shut up.” I mouthed back.

“Do you want to take this somewhere else? Away from the public eye.” Fiyero asked.

I looked up at his blue eyes and thought about being alone with Fiyero. Being able to hold him and kiss him to my hearts desire. I nodded with a smile.

Fiyero smiled back and interlocked our hands. Together the both of us walked out of the Ozdust ballroom without a care in the world and we simply danced through life.

[thrashkink-coven]

Okay. Lots to unpack here. I’m gonna hit them all one by one because I’ve already explained most of this.

1. Abortion as a concept is different than murder as it is regarded in the law. To say “God didn’t HAVE to address it” is ridiculous because abortion was incredibly common place. God specifically outlines laws for kidnapping, but he already has laws about “treat others how you would like to be treated” doesn’t that automatically imply no kidnapping? Yes, but…. it was significant enough of a thing for God to make specific laws about it. God doesn’t say “thow shall not drown your kids or shoot them in the head”, but a living breathing independent child is established as a person, and so to kill them would be murder. A fetus is not a person independent of its mother. If the mother dies, the fetus dies. Murder is applied to individual people, not parasites, cancer cells, sperm cells, eggs, or fetuses. A murder is the unlawful killing of a person, fetuses have not even begun to be people.

2. “Before you were formed in the womb, before you were born, I sanctified you”

God also knew the sons of Egypt before they were formed in the womb. God knows every single soul before they are even conceived, this doesn’t speak anything to whether or not a fetus is a person. God is simply saying he knows all things and all people before people were even a thing. God knew every stillborn baby and every person who was never born. This literally proves nothing and speaks nothing about reproductive rights. It’s a reference to a special plan for one man rather than a general approach to biology and reproduction, a reference to the vision of God and the importance of Jeremiah and his mission. It’s also biblical hyperbole, written in a language that constantly uses rhetoric and poetry to make a particular point. You yourself say “just because it’s said in one context doesn’t mean it’s true for all people”. Take your own advice. Again, twisting the text. Bearing false witness

in Psalm 139. “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.”

Again, what is being said? This passage is surely about God’s power, but it doesn’t say anything that is at all specific or exclusive to the fetus. The Christian belief is that God knows all, knows us, knows who and what we are.

When it describes movement in the womb of Elizabeth, this is a reference to people who are not ordinary, not usual, not as the rest of us. This is a poetic illustration of the link between Jesus and John, a scriptural ballad telling of what is of the eternal, the humanizing of salvation. It’s not a guide to female reproduction.

3. God makes the distinction between people, completed humans, and fetus’ when he says that the punishment for causing a woman to miscarry is a fine. That’s also something you blatantly misrepresented. “Further harm” was in reference to the woman, the mother who is a person. An eye for an eye, a life for a life, if the mother suffers harm, if the woman is to miscarry the punishment is a fine. This is stated very clearly and yet you’ve somehow found a way to twist it around lmao. If a woman is hurt in a struggle and then has a miscarriage, the penalty is a fine, a mere financial payment. But, if there is further harm, likely meaning the woman has long-term and serious injuries or even dies, then the culprit could be killed. In other words, the life and well-being of the woman, the mother, is of much greater significance than those of her unborn child.

“Here is Exodus 21:22-24 from the New JPS Tanakh:

22When men fight, and one of them pushes a pregnant woman and a miscarriage results, but no other damage ensues, the one responsible shall be fined according as the woman's husband may exact from him, the payment to be based on reckoning. 23 But if other damage ensues, the penalty shall be life for life, 24 eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot...

And here is Jeffrey H. Tigay's annotation in The Jewish Study Bible:

22: Other damage to the woman. Based on reckoning: perhaps reckoning the age of the fetus, but both this translation and the alternative "as the judges determine" are questionable. Halakhic exegesis infers that, since the punishment is monetary rather than execution, the unborn fetus is not considered a living person and feticide is not murder (d. 12-14 n.); hence, abortion is permitted when necessary to save the mother (Rashi and Yad Ramah to b. Sanh. 72b; see also Gen. 9.5--6 n.).

Also, please note that laws in Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 4:41-43,19:1-7) allowed for "cities of refuge" to which someone who committed an accidental killing could flee to escape an "avenger of blood" seeking revenge for a death. No such allowance is made for accidentally causing a miscarriage, which is further evidence that a fetus was not considered a person.

The LXX of Exodus gives a different translation, which centers solely on the fetus:

22 Now if two men fight and strike a pregnant woman and her child comes forth not fully formed, he shall be punished with a fine. According as the husband of the woman might impose, he shall pay with judicial assessment. 23 But if it is fully formed, he shall pay life for life, 24 eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot...

The LXX seems to recognize that a fetus that is not "fully formed" is not a person, but one that is "fully formed," i.e. at a stage of development such that the fetus looks like a baby, should have its death adjudicated as if it were a living person. However, even the LXX's interpretation is incompatible with the common fundamentalist view that a fertilized egg is a person.

And this makes sense. Obviously these laws cannot and do not apply to every situation. Abortion is a nuanced topic that is vastly different for different people. Late term abortions are unethical in some situations. We cannot use a couple lines of text written and translated thousands of years ago to dictate the lives of every vagina having person on the planet. It doesn’t make sense.

4. “even if you were correct about what the passage says it would be a stretch to infer that means God's just across the board ok with abortion in cases of infidelity. Those instructions were given at that specific time to those specific people. They were not intended to be used by all people forever. The happenings in the New Testament make those practices no longer necessary.”

😃

you’re so close. You’re so close to getting it. The irony is killing me.

5. I agree that the bible does not outwardly support abortion. But it also NEVER at any point condemns it. There were many opportunities to do so, the women of Egypt and Canaan were regularly practicing abortion, Hebrew women themselves were practicing abortion. It’s not mentioned or condemned likely because it was considered a necessary medical procedure at the time in certain contexts. It simply would not make sense to draw a firm line either way.

Tldr: Even with all these examples we’ve spoken of, the bible never directly addresses abortion in general. Talks a ton about literally all other aspects of pregnancy, menstruation, sex and marriage, never anything about the ethics of fetal life. If you think abortion is murder, cool, you do not understand the basic definition of murder, and would be condemning all women who lose their fetuses through medically necessary procedures. You’re super free to have that opinion. But that is only your opinion, not a law sent by God or Jesus Christ.

most frustrating thing I’ve learned recently as i continue to read the bible

yeah so the bible literally never, at any point condemns abortion. Jesus never condemned abortion. In fact :) the bible actually provides instructions on how to properly have one. seriously. Look into it. Christianity takes its ethical base from Judaism, and Judaism says that you're not a person with a soul until you draw your first breath.

so :)

hahaha :) there’s literally no reason :) why Christians want to deny women and afab people healthcare :) besides the obvious, to control our bodies.

like :) there’s literally no reason :))

guys 🙏 absolutely NO scripture. :) condemning abortion even once. :)))))))

i’m about to lose my fucking MIND.

[dominicfikeenthusiast]

UNSENT LETTERS (PART 6) / MATT STURNIOLO

“old shoe box underneath his bed, filled with love letters”

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

it had been weeks since you & matt have even spoken since that lacrosse game. no one even knows what happend. you’d seen him almost everyday, but did everything you could to avoid him. sitting as far away from him in class, hanging out nick anywhere but their house and not even carpooling to school with them anymore.

you’d felt terrible but everytime you saw each-other it was like a shared awkward state. you didn’t know what to say or what to do. it’s like your mind froze everytime you saw him. it didn’t help that nick and chris were persistent on knowing whatever the fuck happened.

you’d told brayden you just wanted to be friends. was that completely true? you weren’t even sure, but things were too complicated with matt to worry about another boy.

matt’s mood had been down for those weeks. his brothers were constantly worried about him. he barely was paying attention in classes or lacrosse practices. he hated not being able to speak with you, he hated the fact you were just ignoring him. “does she just hate me now?”rings through his mind every time he sees you. his journal was seeing even more of him now. constantly scribbling things about you, things he wanted to say.

“please talk to me, look at me, something”

“never needed you like i do right now”

“if i knew the consequence of my words meant losing you as a person & a friend, i would have never told you”

“nick & chris are constantly asking about what’s going on with us, but how am i supposed to tell them when i don’t even know?”

“i miss you”

“i notice how you fiddle with your necklace around me now, why do i make you nervous?”

“this wasn’t supposed to happen”

matt looks at his all of his notes. just from tonight. “this so fucking stupid and pathetic” he mumbled to himself. he got up from his bed, grabbing his car keys from the side table. it was the middle of the night, but he didn’t care.

matt was now parked in your driveway, he shot you a quick text. “you awake? i’m outside your house”

you yawned in your tired state, you were studying but were barely awake. your eyes flicked every word you read. you heard your phone ding, a text. matt? you ran out to look through your window, his car was infact parked right outside your house.

you didn’t even think to reply to the text, you just ran down the stairs not a care to the fact your parents might hear. you felt the cold breeze hit you. maybe it was bad idea to come outside at midnight in shorts & a tank top. you knocked on the car window, your body shivering somewhat from the chill, but mostly from nervousness.

matt impatiently waited for you, his leg shaking uncontrollably as he did. them he saw you read his text. most of him thought you would just ignore him, but a little part kept hope. as soon as he heard that little knock, a sigh of relief hit him. matt quickly opened the car door, his eyes glued on you.

“hey” you say, your voice soft but shaky.

·:*¨༺ ♱ ੈ‧₊˚ ✮ ੈ‧₊˚ ♱ ༻¨*:·

𝜗𝜚 - ps. this wasn’t supposed to be a cliff hanger, i just wrote too much on accident and had to stop 😭😭 also bye-bye brayden, sorry dude, you were just lowk just a chill guy 😕

𝜗𝜚 - tags : @ariana2saucyy @matttsangel @valxrieq @slxtarchive @2prcntmilkluvr @bells-sturn @sturnxies @iheartmattsbeard @chrislilcumslvt @mattsmiddlepartt @chrissv4mp @flouvela @chrisfavoritewhore @luckystarlogs @snowysosturn @x0x0bunny @anastasia-ac3rr3 @submattenthusiast @s7attr @jassturn @liasturniolo @mattslolita @ifwdominicfike @ilovedyoumiss @kirby0strombolli @milaatyourworst @ginswife @skibidijewishgirl @adoreechxmpion @lovesturni0l0s @bandanamatt @clairomatt @rorylovesmatt @pasteldreams @chris-hallelujah @y3sterdaysproblem @xoxo4chrisss @mattsd0ll @mattslverr @jetaimevous @clairomatt @maggot3647 @izzylovesmatt @kennastromboli @allineedismatt @delilahsturniolo @mattserenity @allisonclairee @sturdyyolo @heartz4matt

[whorrorbvby]

an update:

hey friends a lot of people have been asking where ive been on other socials and im sorry for being m.i.a and ignoring everyone’s worries. im not getting into it right now and i dont know if i want to talk about the details publicly. 

i deleted tumblr from my phone about two and a half weeks ago and ive had a friend keeping a queue going on main for me. it might be that way permanently now i don’t know. I don’t know that I want to come back to tumblr if im being honest. a lot of things happened and i just can’t handle seeing certain people anymore so i’ve been hanging out on two of the more safer socials where tumblr people people generally leave me alone. not that im upset with you any of you or anything it’s more of a personal relationship and it just turned me off of basically everything and i just can’t handle a lot right now.  

i didn’t want to stop posting my own content for obvious reasons but i really can’t bring myself to come back it’s too hard and my heart can’t handle it right now. i also haven’t taken any new photos or anything and as of right now i don’t really feel super comfortable in sharing my body in that way. situations have made me feel disgusting as a person and i can’t look at myself. im trying to post more on ig to boost myself back up but i don’t know my self image is kind of ruined now. plus i’ve lost 15lbs from stress and inability to eat because of it and with how many people already harass and bully me for how scrawny i am i don’t want to subject myself in my current mental state to even the possibility of anyone saying anything. 

but like i said i have a friend running main for me and i might have them run this account too and my pepper page just because i do want to go back to making content i just dont know if i can handle posting or being in certain spaces right now. 

on top of what im currently dealing with in my personal life this is just a really hard time for me in general because of the holiday season and close to the anniversary of my best friends death so i tend to shut down a little anyway it’s just my entire world came crashing down again and im honestly starting to give up on even existing. i know im being melodramatic and i need to suck it up and just go back to status quo it’s just really hard this time and i cant force myself into a positive headspace like i used to even for a second. i have honestly never felt this empty and i barely know who i am or what my worth is anymore. 

i dont know if i’ll turn my asks back on. my friend offered to answer anything for me but its better for my mental health if i dont because i know people will ask questions and i dont trust myself to not completely go off on a tangent. im sorry i know im rambling but i feel like a proper update with zero room for misunderstanding is needed and i dont want to sugarcoat or lie to any of you to make myself seem or feel better cuz i respect the hell out of you guys and you deserve honesty if for nothing else. and i appreciate so fucking much you all continuing to support me and hype me up through all the bullshit life keeps throwing at me. 

im mostly on ig and threads right now and on threads im talking about games and movies with new people im meeting and it’s been really helping through shit. if you follow me on snap you saw me say im thinking about deleting everything. my accounts are still up and as long as my friend still wants to help me out i’ll at least have a queue running on main but i’ve deleted every social app other than ig and threads. i wholeheartedly planned on deleting snap last night but it’s the only way some of you get any updates from me so for now i wont delete it but i might make a new one instead just to get away from situations that are bringing me down. we’ll see. if I make a new snap i’ll post it everywhere n put it in my bios. that being said i don’t have a private/nsfw snap and i wont make one im sorry. i still wont sell content outside of what i post on peppers and i wont do customs im sorry. maybe in the future but right now i need to focus on myself and getting out of this headspace before i do anything else. 

but truly thank you for sticking with me and just genuinely being the best crew around. i promise to try my best to get out of this mess of a headspace im in as quickly as possible and im really sorry for basically abandoning everything again but i really am hopeful for the future and just trying to focus on myself and my happiness at the moment 🙏🏻🧡

[theoddest1]

Leave Joel Perez alone. All of you online warriors think you’re doing something but you’re not. Focus on the REAL life victims and not some cartoon. Put your energy into something MEANINGFUL and stop sending death threats to some voice actor DOING HIS JOB.

Damn, anyway, you are aware that we can do both things, right? Why are you acting as if doing one task absolves the other? I am not on his case for playing a fictional character or sharing art of said fictional character, I'm on his case for knowingly or unknowingly promoting a tag that has many rape fetishers/SA romanticizers using it. He did NOT need to use a ship name in the post since any fan of the show ALREADY KNOWS Angel's situation. So why tf does he need the ship name there? Most people do not use a fucking ship name for anything other than romance or cause they like the ship.

Then Joel proceeds to double down and act like an idiot online and be fucking petty towards someone who made good points to him, who also was APPARENTLY an SA survivor, telling them that they're putting words in his mouth and to "go watch bluey" which was not necessary of a comment to make.

And AFTER THAT he proceeds to mock those who find his behavior unprofessional and tone deaf all cause he thinks he is completely right in his assessments yet doesn't have the fucking balls to leave his Insta comments open.

He, Viv, and any other person who doesn't take this topic seriously is not immune to proper feedback and conversations made about them and especially not clapback if they proceed to act like brainless drones. 🙂‍↕️

[kafkasgirlhood]

people categorise it that way because being a devotee is similar to making an oath , which is something everybody should be very , very careful about. you can step back from being a devotee if that is what works for you and your practice , but that does not mean you shouldn't seriously consider who you're becoming a devotee of. being a devotee means prioritising a deity , so while you are polytheist , you have one or a few “main” ones. that is why people say that if you're freshly researching polytheism , you should carefully consider who you want to be a devotee of.

if people categorise it as difficulty levels then that's just them speaking about their experiences in a way. it also depends on who you listen to. that does not make it misinformation , it just means that what they believe is different from what you believe.

it also serves as a way to let people know that there's various different ways of worship and various different bonds you can have with deities. does that mean a devotee is higher ranked than a worshipper? no , it just means their bond with that deity cannot be fully described by just saying worshipper.

it's not about “i'm better than you because you're a worshipper and i'm a devotee” , it's just a way to label your personal relationship with that deity. i don’t worship queen hera nearly as consistently or emotionally as i worship apollon , because i am a devotee of apollon but not a devotee of queen hera. what does that say about me other than my connection with apollon? being a devotee does not give you any sort of authority. it's just for others to know how deep your connection is with a deity.

languages are also tricky because they are as fluid as anything else , especially english. of course , if there's no word for devotee in another language then it can be described as someone who prioritises their worship for one or more gods over the others while still being a polytheist. i'm multilingual and believe me i know what you mean , but that's usually the route i go. for other languages , i see your point , but does that mean the words should be completely abandoned in english ? i don't believe so.

it's perfectly fine if you don't want to use those terms for your personal practice but saying they are synonymous is incorrect. in other languages they may be , but as far as english goes , they are not.

Where did the idea of worshiper and devotee being in different levels of worship? Those are literally synonyms lol

[callistocalavarni]

Shifting and using LOA with OCD

I feel like it's important to talk about how harmful it can be to ignore this subject. So if you have ocd or anxiety and still want to shift or use loa this post is for you. I want to stress that it is ok to worry about intrusive thoughts. Just because you dwell on an obssesion does not mean its going to manifest. However, I still feel the need to share ways you can prevent your intrusive thoughts from making you stress while shifting and using loa. First we need to fully know what we are dealing with and then how to fix the issue.

If you are not aware, OCD has four stages:

Obssesion - Unwanted, intrusive, and distressing thoughts, images or urges. (sometimes these thoughts are not clear and can just feel like impending doom without reason.) These intrusions are unwanted and are sent from your areas of your brain including the prefrontal cortex (orbitofrontal and anterior cingulate cortexes), basal ganglia, and thalamus. !!!

Anxiety - Intense fear and discomfort triggered by the obssesions. Dwelling on the thought, worring that you are a bad person by thinking a certian thing ( you are not ) or stressing that the intrusive thought will happen.

Compulsion - Repetitive behaviors or mental rituals performed to reduce the anxiety caused from these thoughts. ex; counting in your head, doing something untill it feels "even", washing your hands a certian amount of times, or even yelling and shunning the thought out of your head.

Temporary relief - The compulsions provide temporary relief from the anxiety, reinforcing the cycle. Once you do your compulsion it tricks your mind into thinking that these obssesions pose a real danger, and that compulsions are necessary in order to be safe. (these are what we want to stop so we can break the cycle.) And yes, telling the thought to go away and cursing at it is also a compulsion.

I'm going to start this of by saying, compulsions are bad. Please try not to give into them. I know it's hard at first and you will feel scared and uncomfortable but thats the point. You have to undo the cycle to build a new one. Compulsions give the intrusive thoughts meaning. We don't want this. If you give the thought meaning or show feelings to it your brain is going to think its important therefore it will keep sending you the thought. There is two ways to stop this, Ignore the thought, or decunsruct the thought (aka ERP.)

Ignoring the thought can go like this: Label the thought as intrusive but do not add emotion to it. But also don't push it away Ex; "This is an intrustive thought, I am going to think about something else now." If the thought becomes overwhelming and you can't get away from it, start manually breathing. This will distract your brain. We want to act like the thought is like any other thought you would have. The avarge human has about 60,000 thoughts a day. Do we remeber all of these? Of course not. This is because we dont attach any emotion or dwell on them. It's kind of ironic because this method is basically using loa. If we act like the thought is usless and not important it will become just that and our brain will stop sending us the thought.

Decunstructing the thought or exposing and response prevention (erp) can be a little more difficult. The goal here is to overcome the fear and expose our selves to the intrusive thoughts completely. I know it sounds scary but remeber if you have no intention of manifesting said thought then it simply won't manifest. (an intrusive thought saying you have intention does not count don't worry) I also use this to re script traumatic events or nightmares. Imagery rescripting is what I am going to call this method of moving away from your intrusive thoughts. Imagery Rescripting is a technique that is often used in therapy to deal with upsetting or significant images that occupy our mind and play a part in keeping our anxiety going. The problematic images that people often struggle with can be memories of the past, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts. You have probably noticed that with all of your intrusive thoughts or images, the common response is to try to avoid the image, to push it away, to shun it out of our minds. This is a very understandable reaction, unfortunately avoiding these thoughts and using a compulsion usually makes it worse. It makes us very fearful of the thought itself, giving the intrusive thoughts power over you, and therefore the thought becomes something more than a "just a thought." By rescripting you are no longer avoiding them. Instead you are actively approaching them. You run the full image/thought in your head and then re write it. You can do this however you want. Rescripting it can range from complete fantasy or staying in the guidelines of this reality. Ex; Inflating the image and adding different hues to it. Making the scary thing in the image look silly; this takes away power from it. Do you want Hatsune Miku to start e dancing on your fears? She totally can! Adding a comfort character or a s/o to the image and letting them change it for you/comfort you can also work. If it is just a thought I would try and see the full sentence of said thought and then change the letters in your head to make it say something else. Or you can make the letters change into silly little characters..make them dance! Important note - You have to first deal with the intrusive thought/image. You cannot skip over this part or else it will just be a compulsion. If it is to triggring have someone else in the room while you do it so they can wake you up from the visualization and help you ground yourself. I would only do this method if you know for a fact that you are ready to face your intrusive thoughts head on.

Crying or experiencing hard emotions while doing ERP is normal. Though, I did this alone, I would recommend someone you trust is there while you are doing it so if things get too overwhelming they can help you. I as well have ocd so most of this is from my personal experience.

If you have any questions about this my asks are open. :)

<3