#but how even the most famous pirate captains were Just Some Guy who had problems and needed to eat and live

[emcads]

marcus rediker is required reading for this blog. go do your pirate homework.

[ikkaku-of-heart]

Her Brother's Blood is on His Hands

(Originally written for @heart-pirates-week for Ikkaku’s day with the prompt “Family” but ended up being delayed until now. Inspired by discussions with @shambledsurgeon and @medicus-mortem)

Ikkaku awoke slowly, the persistent beeping of a heart monitor resembling that of a particularly slow but annoying alarm clock. She tried to sit up but a sharp pain in her side dissuaded her, so she was forced to remain on her back, looking around at the sterile walls of the infirmary. She was hooked up to an IV, there were several machines monitoring her vitals, and she could feel the pressure of tightly-wound bandages around her torso and arms.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Law said from the chair at her bedside, putting down the medical book he’d been reading. The circles under his eyes appeared darker than usual, but his grin was comforting and sure. “I was beginning to wonder if we’d have to resort to drastic measures to wake Sleeping Beauty.”

“Law?” she asked weakly, grimacing at how hoarse she sounded due to the dryness of her throat. “The fuck happened?”

“Gonna have to be more specific,” he stated as he carefully helped prop her up enough that she could safely drink some water. “Do you mean how did you end up here? Maybe the extent of your wounds? Or how about what, exactly, I did to the fucker who hurt you?”

Her eyes widened as she recalled what had happened. She’d been taking a walk with Jean Bart, venting about how much she hated that they were now government dogs because Law’d insisted on handing the Navy one hundred hearts. They’d run into a squad of Marines. Her brother’s squad, to be exact. Ushi had decided it was pointless trying to climb the Navy ranks the normal way, and thus had come up with the idea of sucking up to the Celestial Dragons. And what better way to do so than to return to Saint Rosward his wayward slave?

Heart clenching at the thought of her shipmate being handed back over to those bastards, she asked, “Is Jean—”

“He’s fine. Discharged yesterday,” Law promised, nodding towards the empty bed on the other side of the room. He picked up a chart, studying it as he continued, “Needed a lot of stitches for the lacerations across his back and arms, but nothing life-threatening.”

“Good,” she sighed in relief. He hadn’t been killed or taken. Jean Bart would continue to live as a free man for a while longer. He deserved that much.

“Was quite the sight, seeing him charging towards the ship, covered in blood, carrying you like a baby while you bled out from a stab wound,” he commented, voice even, though there was an unmistakable tightness in his jaw. “I’m just glad he managed to tell me who’d done this to you two before he passed out.”

White teeth sank into her bottom lip, guilt pulsing through her. That’s right. It hadn’t exactly been a victory. They’d managed to take down most of the Marines, but Ushi had managed to get behind her, and then there’d been excruciating pain as he’d driven a knife deep into her side…

“I’m sorry, Captain,” she whispered, black curls hiding her face as she hung her head in shame.

“The hell are you apologizing for?” he asked, gold eyes flicking up from the clipboard and narrowing in displeasure.

She wrung her hands, anxious and guilty. “Jean Bart got hurt because of my family baggage.”

“He got hurt because of an opportunistic asshole who decided that Jean being under the protection of a shichibukai didn’t matter,” he snapped. Pausing, he took a deep breath to compose himself. “The fact that said asshole came out of the same uterus as you is irrelevant.”

“We both know that’s not true,” she countered, refusing to look at him. “He targeted the Hearts because of me. He always has. And he wouldn’t have been able to go after Jean Bart if I’d let you kill him years ago. Or killed him myself. You deserve a subordinate with the stones to kill her own brother.”

Internally, she berated herself for that last part. None of this would be a problem if she’d just toughened up and put an end to that bastard. Why did she always seem to stop herself? Morality? Because she knew how heartbroken her parents would be? Because even years later, she was still scared of her childhood boogeyman?

Her thoughts were disturbed by the clipboard lightly smacking her on the head in reproach. It didn’t hurt, but Ikkaku rubbed her head anyway, frowning up at her captain. “You trying to knock me unconscious again?”

“If that’s what it takes to get you to stop talking bullshit,” he retorted. He glared at her for a moment before letting out a sigh, a tattooed hand falling heavily on her shoulder. “Ikkaku,” Law stated, tone brokering no argument, “what I deserve is a subordinate with the stones to stand up to a power-hungry bastard looking to sell her nakama to a bunch of delusional inbred freaks, which that’s exactly what I’ve got. And what you deserve is to not get stabbed in the spleen by your own blood.”

Well. It was hard to argue that logic. “I guess. But next time—”

“There won’t be a next time.”

“You don’t know that.”

The hand on her shoulder fell away to flip through the pages of her chart. “Ikkaku, you nearly bled out before you even got to the sub. You’re lucky Shachi and Penguin share your blood type and were basically tripping over themselves to donate. I had to replace your spleen and left kidney, and if that knife had gone in at a slightly different angle, he could have punctured your stomach or lung. In other words, this bastard nearly cost me my engineer. You’ve known me for goin’ on five years now; do you really think that once you were stable I just sat around twiddling my thumbs while I waited for you to wake up?”

Dark eyes widened in realization. “Did you kill him?”

“Would you be mad if I said I had?”

No. Not at him at least, but she still felt like she’d let him down by not being able to do it herself. “He shouldn’t have been your problem to solve.”

“You’re right. He shouldn’t have been a problem,” he replied harshly. Before Ikkaku could internally berate herself further, though, Law ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and there was a spark of guilt in his eyes. “No Marine should have even touched you guys. That’s supposed to be one of the fucking perks of being a shichibukai. I told you when I took this damn title that you be safe and look how that turned out.”

Yes, that had been a major argument between them, hadn’t it? For Ikkaku, not wanting to be affiliated with the World Government hadn’t just been a matter of pride or general hatred for the bastards who ran the world – she’d been afraid. Terrified that her brother would be waiting for her around every corner. That he’d find a way to get her alone, to finish the job he’d started when she was seven, to finally get her out of his hair. Law had promised she’d be safe, that he wouldn’t let him so much as breath near her. Eventually, she’d come to believe him, but things hadn’t gone to plan.

“You can’t blame yourself for Ushi not following the rules, Law,” she insisted. Yeah, she could have berated him for not listening to her, but in reality, Law’s logic had been sound; Ushi shouldn’t have dared to try anything. Ikkaku didn’t just have the Hearts protecting her anymore – the Navy itself had become another obstacle in his way. She should have been safe.

However, even she hadn’t fully considered why Ushi would go this far, but in hindsight, it made sense. Last she’d checked, he hadn’t been promoted in a while. Hadn’t advanced as quickly as he wanted or earned any accolades for heroism like everyone back home had been expecting. He was a commodore still – not even a rear-admiral, and his name didn’t strike fear into the hearts of pirates like Smoker’s did.

Because he’d been put on a pedestal, her brother had always gotten away with everything, which had only enforced his cruel and abusive nature. The whole island had believed that he’d become a famous Marine and boost their reputation, which was why they’d been willing to overlook the bruises that littered his sister’s arms, or the fact that she’d gone missing for three days while under his care.

If he’d come home a failure, everyone would have to finally admit he was nothing but a twisted, cruel bully. And instead of accepting the blame for enabling, they’d likely make him answer for his crimes.

But more than that, he’d be forced to accept that he was never that special to begin with, and she knew a man as arrogant as him wouldn’t be able to bear that.

Shaking her head, she almost felt pity for him. “Ushi was desperate, and desperate men are unpredictable as fuck. You couldn’t have known he’d be crazy enough to try to suck up to the Celestial Dragons.”

“Neither of us could have known, but I still could have protected you better,” Law retorted, crossing his arms. He still didn’t look fully convinced of his own absolution, but he declared quite plainly, “The fact is, brothers shouldn’t murder their younger siblings, or even try to.”

Well, not even Ikkaku could argue that.

But actions had consequences, and there was still a strong chance Law’s retaliation, justified or not, would bite him in the ass.

“Ushi might have been no one special, but the Navy’s not going to be happy about you killing one of their own,” she said, genuinely worried. Even if Ushi had been going against orders, shichibukai weren’t supposed to attack their Marine allies. What if they decided to strip Law of his new title? Sure, she hated that he was a government dog, but it was a vital part of his plan to take down Joker, and if that had been stripped away because he’d recklessly pursued revenge on her behalf…

The way he smirked at her belied that he didn’t share even a fraction of her concern. “The Navy’ll have a hell of a time pinning a murder on me when there’s no evidence. It’s unlikely he was ordered to attack you and Jean Bart, so there’s no paper trail. The man was obsessed with advancing up the ladder, so likely only a select few are even aware you’re related, thus no one knows of his unfortunate connection to the Heart Pirates. And unless they plan on gutting a bunch of Sea Kings and piecing together chunks of half-digested flesh, I doubt they’ll find enough of his body to even determine his cause of death.”

“You fed him to Sea Kings?”

“His remains, at least. As for how I killed him…well, I won’t bore you with the details.”

It was highly doubtful what he’d done could be described as boring, but Ikkaku decided not to press him. Knowing Law, it had been slow, painful, and had probably involved dissection. “You didn’t have to do all that for me, Captain.”

He dismissed her concerns with a casual wave of his hand. “Of course I did. You’re family. Besides, if I hadn’t, the rest of the crew would have gone after him themselves, and they wouldn’t have done as good a job covering their tracks. Or made him scream quite as loud. No offense to them, but conventional torture methods just can’t match the agony of having your heart slowly crushed to a pulp.”

Was she a bad person for not feeling sick at the thought of her oldest brother—her own blood—being subjected to the Surgeon of Death’s sadism? That instead of anger or disgust, she felt relieved? Sure, he was a massive piece of shit who deserved to die for everything he’d done to her, her other brothers, and who knows what else, but he was still family, wasn’t he?

No. The Hearts were family. Law was family. He was right – Ushi was blood, but he wasn’t her brother.

Law’s brow furrowed with concern and he reached forward, cupping her cheeks and wiping tears away with his thumbs. Ikkaku hadn’t even realized she was crying.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, looking genuinely guilty. “I shouldn’t have overstepped like that. I should have at least waited until you were awake and asked—”

Though she was tired and weak and it took far more effort than she’d like, Ikkaku lifted her arm and flicked Law squarely in the forehead. He didn’t quite flinch back, but he did give her an annoyed grunt, but his brow did smooth out when he saw her bright smile.

“Thank you,” she said, cheeks streaked with tears but voice warm with love and affection and gratitude. It might take a while for her to fully accept that Ushi was no longer laying in wait at every Marine base, but for now, she could breath a little easier. The monster from her childhood had finally been vanquished.

Trafalgar Law might not have been a knight in shining armor, but he was something better. He was the big brother she’d always wished for.

Relieved that she wasn’t angry, Law gave her a tiny but sincere grin back. His engineer was alive, safe, and giving him that sunny smile that could light up a room. Well worth the blood on his hands, and quietly, he vowed to keep her, and the rest of his Hearts, safe from whatever hell might come their way.

They were a loyal bunch of fools, but they were his family. He’d set the world on fire before allowing anything to happen to them.

A hand adorned with the word DEATH retreated from Ikkaku’s cheek to ruffle her hair. “Don’t mention it.”

[teruthecreator]

THS IS A ROBBERY 🔫YOUR ROLESWAP LORE!!! HAND IT OVER 🤲if u want 2 :)

just took my melatonin bc i have to wake up at 4:30 AM to drive 16 hours to my mother’s so i’m sorry if this becomes derailed but uh. here’s the roleswap lore! or, at least, everything i’ve decided (along with matthew and corinne bc the three of us tagteamed on it) 

gonna chuck it all under a readmore bc this is going to get long

so first off, just gonna run out in front and say i have no idea how this fits into graduation plot. i haven’t gotten that in plot consideration, given their character differences in comparison to their canonical selves. so, for the most part, it’s a lot of background establishment and character traits. but i do have a few plot bits that i’ve figured out bc i thought it was cool. why such a long preamble? i don’t know. help me

fitzroy maplecourt: 

first off, he’s not called sir!!! because he doesn’t go to knight school! 

my idea for his backstory is that the way he decides to grapple with his identity crisis/imposter syndrome (which he definitely Still has) is that instead of becoming a grander, larger than life version of himself. he just. goes the opposite.

not necessarily becoming a degenerate (bc he just smokes pot and that’s not bad he’s just vibing)??? but more just like. leaning into the laid-back nature of life that one might pick up from a lifetime in rural country. 

he goes to a liberal arts school a ways away and just decides to bum around and take life not seriously. he develops a pretty large group of acquaintances being a hippie stoner; he doesn’t really pursue a degree either. i think if he picked up any major it was probably like. an art major or an english but he basically fails most of his classes bc he doesn’t care! 

unlike his canonical counterpart, fitzroy doesn’t mind being called nicknames!! ones i think he has the most are fitz or roy, but basically you could call him anything and he’ll respond. that is because, instead of clinging to the concept of his identity bc it’s the only thing he feels he has, his identity is nebulous!! he doesn’t understand it and it scares him too much to be concrete, so he just lets people decide shit about him for him. 

his personal philosophy is more about floating through life and letting people assume shit about him than having a solid personality and backstory that people understand and recognize. it is a more dissociative way of having an identity crisis! how fun! he also barely talks about his past, and what he does talk about are cherrypicked points of his past that fit his narrative of being a casual down-to-earth hippie

 the moment that this all changes is when order decides to pop in and grant him powers!!!! wahoo!!!! here’s how that happens: 

he’s baked out of his fucking gourd in his dorm room, in the spring semester of his junior year. he’s alone (which is rare) and he’s maybe a little sad, but he decides to just ignore it. he looks at his table and laughs. “hehe, what if this table just. blew up?” he says to himself. it isn’t that funny, but he laughs. then he lays his hand on the table. 

the table blows up.

after that, he has magic!!! 

i’m going to go into detail a little bit later about how fitzroy’s magic manifests in the roleswap universe, but i wanna get through the backstory first. basically, he gets really freaked out after his magic comes to him because it is So New and Wow What and What The Fuck.

he realizes that this new addition to his character Completely changes how people who know him would perceive him (as a bum stoner chill guy), and he can no longer have control of his narrative with this magic business. so he drops out!

well, he actually just transfers. to a school far, far away where people will never know who he was and he can rebuild his narrative with this magic incorporated into it. he chooses wiggenstaff’s because he figures the school would have more of a knowledge of magic than his libarts school, which would mean he could understand why the fuck weed gave him magic (sidenote: it wasn’t weed, obvs, but he thinks this so for a while he doesn’t smoke!) 

he is now the chill hippie of wiggenstaff’s!!! most people like him because his personality is fairly easy to digest; some people think he shouldn’t be there, but he is! he starts out as a sidekick and he would’ve honestly been fine with that forever, but then he’s suddenly thrust into the hero track!!! wow!!!! i will also explain this with the magic. 

but yeah!! that’s fitzroy, for the most part. now we’ll move onto the other boy

argonaut keene:

he actually prefers if people call him argonaut, but he’s less likely to correct people than canon fitzroy Or canon argo. he’s a tad bit shyer in this universe!

argo’s backstory pretty much follows the same idea of his canonical background, but with some key differences that shape him into the character he is in the present! 

basically he still grows up on shebrie’s ship, surrounded by crewmates and the salty sea air. but his fascination with the sea doesn’t manifest into this swashbuckling lifestyle that he has in canon. 

what fascinates him more is the ship itself. how it functions, how water wears down wood, how directional currents can affect navigation. basically, he becomes invested in the sciences part of sealife more than the pirateering. he has special interests in marine biology, but his heart remains in nautical engineering. figuring out ways to make the ship run better, faster, and more efficiently consumes his childhood thoughts!

shebrie encourages her son’s craving for knowledge with tomes and books from all over the world about anything related to engineering and nautical things. he’s homeschooled, basically, but he becomes rather intelligent within a few short years! 

and then, well....shebrie dies. yeah we aren’t escaping that finality, sorry folks. that part of canon Still Applies.

after shebrie’s death (coughMURDERcough), argo is. traumatized! and he makes the decision to almost entirely sever himself from his life on the sea. it’s all too painful to look back upon--the times he spent studying with his mother in the captain’s quarters, rattling off dolphin facts as they sailed onward, dreaming of turning gears as the ship gently rocked him to sleep--and so he just decides to throw the whole thing out!

he can’t ignore his lifetime of education, though, so he continues to pursue it. with the remainder of money his mother left behind, he enrolls himself in a boarding school of science and technology, with plans to continue study in Only engineering. no more nautical Anything on his roster.

eventually, when he is old enough and graduates high school, he roams around...trying to figure out what to do. he doesn’t have enough money for college, so he can’t continue his scholarly efforts yet. he works around, job-to-job, city-to-city, and just notices how...delayed everything feels. like society is suffering under this slow pace towards innovation. 

and that’s when he decides his next course of action. if he were to discover the root of some problem and engineer a solution, he would be famous! he would gain notoriety and praise and--and all the things his mother had as a captain. but he would have it on his own, separate from his mother, and separate from his past. 

he figures out his next course of action: attend a school that will give his prestigious enough marks to be accepted onto a research team, find a problem, solve it, help the world, maybe earn a little bit of that credit and respect that would make him feel like he was doing his mother proud. 

the thing i want to emphasize here is that argo’s take on helping the world comes from that morality that canon fitzroy has. canon fitzroy wanted to be a knight because he wanted to fairly and justly instill ideas of “good” and “bad” onto the world. roleswap argo has a similar moral sense, but instead of establishing rules he wants to fix the “bad” and make it “good” in a technological/scientific sense.

the only school argo can think of that can get him that kind of notoriety is wiggenstaff’s. getting onto the HOG board would mean he’d have access to countless resources and be respected by a large audience, which would give him the opportunity to make change happen. even if he’s only a sidekick On Paper, what matters is that the diploma would give him the ability to Apply to the HOG. so he drafts a carefully worded letter for a scholarship and achieves a full-ride!!! epic 

like fitzroy’s magic, i’m going to break down argo’s relation to the unbroken chain after i get through backstory stuff. but trust me, I’ve Thought Of It

argo sort of blends into the background at wiggenstaff’s. or, he would, if his roommates/friends weren’t so Fucking Out There. fitzroy is enough to make him always be visible, but even the firbolg’s massive frame means eyes are always on him. which makes him nervous!! he doesn’t like the attention (as opposed to his canonical self, who revels in it for the self-esteem fuel) his insecurities manifest more in what he’s Doing rather than what he Is, mostly because his identity is barricaded by a wall of trauma repression

he’s still plenty funny and witty, just quieter. also he’s a lot Meaner than canon argo, at least to me. because if you irritate him he Will just completely shut you down with words. motherfucker doesn’t bark but he will most DEFINITELY bite

that’s their backstories, for the most part! in terms of how they interact together:

as established, they meet prior to wiggenstaff’s on a tinder date (during the grace period of argo working odd jobs and fitzroy about to be granted immense fucking power) and end up casually dating during the course of their wiggenstaff education. argo is a nervous goober and fitzroy just likes making him blush. it’s very cute.

fitzroy is still less inclined for the romantic than argo, who remains a steadfast absolute romantic internally. fitzroy still holds a lot of the self-doubt and distrust that canon fitzroy has, only it manifests in him not taking anything seriously! which means when he catches Feelings feelings he basically freaks out 

argo still falls in love really quickly, only now he’s more conflicted about it because being in love means trusting and trust means communication and communication means Oops Years Of Trauma Are Being Unloaded Uh Oh! 

now i’m going to touch on the big points that i find really interesting: fitzroy’s magic and argo’s relation to the unbroken chain

fitzroy’s magic:

chaos is not the being that grants him magic. it’s order! 

my take on what this means for what deity is on what plane of reality is that chaos is more Needed so they are the one that is physically On Nua, while Order remains in dreamscapes because they are already a constant amongst the tangible world. yes i know this directly contradicts the reasoning for why theyre Supposed to be where in canon, leave me alone i’m having fun. 

my reasoning for this switch is because chaos stands to be a contradiction to everything canon fitzroy has going on. he has a very strict, nailed-down understanding of himself and the world. everything he thinks is in black and white, bold statements, no questions, he follows rules and obeys the law. untiiiiil chaos gives him magic and shocks him out of that complacency. they lean into his inner impulses and that rage he’s kept locked deep inside. they allow for magic to Explode out of him, rather in calculated bursts or with intent. 

which is why order is more fitting for roleswap fitzroy!! because fitzroy, in this world, has less of a concrete grasp of himself and the world. he purposely lets himself be nebulous and goes with the flow. thinking of the future in real terms is not something fitzroy Does, he has no plans and that’s Fine. order seeks to give fitzroy a backbone, to put it simply. 

his magic doesn’t go impulsively out of him. it is calculated--it comes with thoughts and intentions. the reason it surprises fitzroy when the table blows up is because he didn’t think his thoughts or wants would amount into that, but that’s what order is trying to show him. that his intentions matter. that he matters and he has to Think and Focus and Be Here.

i’m still not sure if his power would manifest as lightning??? because the imagery for the lightning works perfectly for canon fitzroy because of the random power of lightning strikes. but for roleswap fitzroy it’s more like...thunder. like Purpose. thunder happens because of a reaction--it comes with intent. if differing air temperatures collide, it creates thunder. that combination is purpose + intent equating in magic. 

i think that part needs word bc like. how would one quantify thunder?? i think fire might also work really well because the idea of a controlled fire. like things have to Happen in order for fire to start, it can’t just appear like lightning can. 

order’s manipulation relies more heavily on the concept of boosting him up as a savior/hero, rather than boosting his ego and desire for power. fitzroy Has no desires in roleswap world--he’s just there. but when he gets put on the hero track, now he’s suddenly been given purpose. and order uses that to be like “wow, look at all these people who rely on you! look how important you are! don’t you want to use this magic for good?? to do good?? start a war with a demon come on pussy :-)”

OH YEAH also he becomes a hero in this universe (like in terms of tracks) because of the fact that it directly contradicts how he views himself. for canon fitzroy, it was showing him how much more he is capable of without the restrictions of morals (i.e, king fitzroy). but roleswap fitzroy doesn’t Have an image he wants to bolster! he doesn’t think he needs it and, frankly, he doesn’t care for it. the hero tracks carries with it all these stereotypes and expectations that now directly contradict his personality--thus showing him he is capable of more.

okay now for argo’s business jesus christ this post is so long and im NOT EVEN DONE WITH ALL THE POINTS I WANTED TO MENTION

argo’s relation to the unbroken chain:

so since roleswap argo has less of an association with his past (and, by extension, the memory of his mother), he is less inclined to join the mysterious cult that his mother was a part of. 

moreover, he doesn’t necessarily believe the shit he’s told??? he’s way more skeptical of jackal than canon argo is--immediately questioning why and how jackal knew his mother, and constantly trying to poke holes through his narrative.

generally speaking, if you try to talk to roleswap argo about his mother or his past, he Shuts Down. like completely. and that usually results in him snapping at you or just clamming up completely. mostly he just gets really snippy and angry because Hey Shut Up Dickhead I Don’t Want To Talk About It

a part of me still isn’t sure whether or not argo would take the unbroken chain up on their offer. but i also know that, plot wise and character arc wise, it is a necessary part of argo’s story. so i think, at most, he agrees but is extremely hesitant and might even let fitzroy on immediately once he’s given the task of digging into fitzroy’s life

also, they’re boyfriends in this universe, so how could he Really keep it a secret for that long. come on jackal, you idiot, you know they’re kissing. 

i think he’d Eventually warm up to jackal as a sort of father figure, but only after many nights of conversation and dancing around the subject of shebrie.

OH YEAH. this argo doesn’t know the commodore murdered his mother! important to note! he just assumes what he was told was true, that she sailed into dangerous territory and was ambushed. 

during the tribunal bit If That Even Happens In This World, i think fitzroy actually is the one who figures it out Before argo. and once argo does, well............fuck!

OKAY last little bit, just gonna talk about some random extra parts of the world that i’ve thought of already: 

in this universe, grey takes on higglemas’s identity instead of hieronymous’s!!! this is for good reason actually

okay so basically my thought was that, instead of whatever happened in canon yadda yadda dog time, hieronymous and grey are fighting and it’s a pretty evenly matched battle. there’s a cooldown moment where hiero thinks he’s safe but grey uses sneaky backhanded tactics to try and get the drop on him. 

only higgs sees it in time and saves his brother, taking the hit himself. he collapses, extremely wounded, and hiero rushes to his aid. he’s cradling his brother’s body, trying to keep him alive, when grey approaches to deliver the final blow. 

hiero is completely crushed and defeated and basically will let grey do anything to him by this point. the only thing he begs of is to let him live long enough to save his brother.

now, grey isn’t nice. let me make that clear. grey fucking SUCKS and the reason he agrees is because he wants a Real War with hiero and he can’t get that if hiero is basically like “if you let higgs die then you might as well kill me”.

so, grey agrees, and hiero ends up saving higgs by turning him into a cat. was supposed to be a temporary solution until he could find a better spell, but he wasn’t the magic guy in the duo. eventually, grey gets tired of waiting and decides to do some other shit. like turning the school the brothers have been running into a backalley place for demons!!

he takes the form of higglemas and leaves hieronymous locked in his office as basically a mascot. he’s like the queen and grey is the parliament--grey makes all the rules, but everyone assumes it’s hiero. faux-higgs is more on the ground, changing things and making the school a place more fitting for an eventual war. he builds up the concept of heroes and villains being Real, in the hopes he can sway some mortals to his side when he’s able to open a portal to hell. 

hiero still tries to stop this from happening, but his pride and his self-image is wounded by what happened. he feels guilty and puts the blame entirely on him, instead of doing the whole cowardice route like higgs did in canon. he gets people to help him eventually, via mind control and all tht jazz. 

also in this universe, buckminster is the one who gets birdified instead of leon!! has to do with my leon/buckminster and higgs/hiero narrative parallels that i’ve thought of for far too long.

firbolg is exactly the same in this universe. it is hard to swap three people and i didn’t want to think about him. 

fitzroy doesn’t pick a grab. i think he’d rather a lizard, like a bearded dragon. he names him something stupid. like scaly. or kyle. 

uhhh yeah!!! i think that’s....everything i’ve thought of so far!! lemme know if you wanna hear my takes on any other elements in the roleswap world!!!!

[crispyliza]

Spamano multi-chapter fanfiction recommendation masterlist!

For all you home-quarantined people that have nothing to do and also because I’ve been meaning on making one of these since 2015 (took a global pandemic to get me started lol) 

These fanfics are all with multiple chapters and listed in no particular order. Of course some are better than others, but every single one has its charms! I added only a few with 3 or 4 chapters because i liked them too much not to whereas the rest of the fanfics have at least 5+ chapters. So without further ado, here they are:

Una Notte A Napoli “One night in Naples, by the moon and sea, my heart was stolen by an angel who had forgotten how to fly.” (completed)

Per Sempre Tuo “Lovino Vargas, better known as Romano, is a famous TV actor. He has everything anyone could ever want. The only problem is that the thing he wants, over-night singing sensation Antonio Fernandez, is married.” (completed)

HOVA “The Nova Sagittarius was a ship that would take myself and countless other passengers on a one month trip around our solar system. But things went wrong; the ship changed and just like that, we were stranded. We got to know each other but more than that, we got to know ourselves.” (completed)

What We’d Do Without Gravity  “While lost in a hospital Antonio comes across young terminally ill patient, Lovino Vargas. With Lovino left only six months to live it’s an awful time a romance to blossom between the ill fated pair, but with a bucket list to race through as the clock ticks down, the two find that love is very hard to avoid.” (completed)

Numbered Lithograph “When Lovino starts attending art school with his brother he finds his most important lesson doesn’t come from his professors, but from a culinary student at a sister school: sometimes the flaws hold the beauty.” (completed)

Tienimi Streto “Lovino Vargas is a detective with a poor attitude and a dark past, driven to the side of law by pain and revenge. After his partner quits, he is paired with specially recruited Antonio Carriedo, who becomes something more than just a co-worker. When deaths linked to the Italian start popping up over the city, Lovino begins to question everything he thought he knew.” (on-going)

More than attraction “Antonio says he met his love’s eyes over the bin of tomatoes. Lovino says he was stalked relentlessly until he was forced to give in.” (completed)

Credo “AU, 1502. Fueled by revenge, Lovino Vargas hasn’t failed an assassination job yet - but when a new Spanish captain comes to Rome, killing the unorthodox Antonio Carriedo might just be the death of him.” (completed)

Secret Tunnels from Madrid to Sicily “When Antonio Fernández Carriedo begins work as a professor at a prestigious university in Britain, one of his students, a Sicilian boy who goes by the name Romano, immediately catches his eye. He is a clearly gifted writer, who closes himself off in the wake of a dark and painful history. Even wrapped in his darkness, pushing everyone away, Toni finds himself determined to bring out the potential within Romano…They drag each other into a passionate, inevitable affair–doomed, they know, to end in flames.” (completed)

Why Did it Have to be You? “Lovino’s parents are tired of his horrible behavior, and hire Antonio to babysit him. But time is a cruel mistress, and in absence the heart grows fonder. These are just some of the things Antonio and Lovino will learn.” (completed)

And the Birds Sing No More “Don’t ever leave me.” Lovino said nothing. He allowed the tense heaviness to settle among his shoulders, tighten his lungs, and spread between the space from where he stood to where Antonio was seated lethargically. Antonio’s gaze sharpened. Lovino, inclining his head slightly, whispered, “I won’t.” (completed)

A Dancing Star “Antonio is the easy-going, life-loving art professor and Lovino is the Italian exchange student who walks into his art studio. When Antonio falls in love he thought he only had his job to worry about, but maybe it’s Lovino’s dark secret that’ll push him away. Trigger warning for self-harm and dark themes.” (completed)

Kismet “Lovino learns the hard way that things change and that they can change quickly. The necklace fell and now he’s in a strange land far from home. Will he ever see his brother again? Will he find his way home? Or will he discover home is where the heart is? Fate is a strange woman and can work in mysterious ways.” (completed)

Let that be enough “Lovino had given up hoping for someone who’d care about him. Antonio never expected to fall for the most tormented guy in town. But dark secrets and hidden dangers threatens their blooming relationship. Is it over before it even begun..?” (completed)

Child services “Romano and Feliciano Vargas have just lost their parents. Romano, who is 22, must care for his 6 year old little brother. Enter Antonio Carreido, the agent from Child Services who must record his progress, however, it’s hard for the cheerful Spaniard to keep from falling in love with this little broken down family and with Romano.” (on-going)

Loving a Stranger “You don’t remember, but I know you. We were- I don’t even know how to describe our relationship. That sounds bad, I know. I think you might have been in love with me, although I cannot see why. That’s just what I’ve been told. I acted as though I hated you, but I never did. I was afraid, because you were kind to me. I didn’t know I loved you until you forgot me…“ (completed)

The Many Personalities of Spain “England casts a spell to rid himself of Spain. As expected it goes wrong; leaving Romano to deal with the many personalities of Spain. That sounds like a normal day for Romano, right? It would be if the personalities not had their own personifications.” (on-going)

Daisy Genocide “My name is Lovino Vargas but that’s not who I actually am. I’m my brother. They put his DNA into a little ball of jello and grew me like a house plant. To say it blatantly, I’m a clone and I’m in a disturbing amount of trouble. I’m about to tell the story of my fight to preserve my humanity followed by a vicious history of crime but it’s a secret. Nobody has to know.” (completed)

More Than Meets The Eye “Striving to find approval and meaning, Antonio throws himself into the world of art determined to come out on top. Yet, in all of his searching, burning, and pain, he never thought that a single culinary student could ever manage to tear down his walls and make him face his biggest fear; himself.” (on-going)  

Cryonic “After suffering a fatal attack from an unknown illness, Lovino Vargas underwent cryopreservation, leaving behind his only family, his boyfriend, and a blooming company. Years later the effects are only just coming into play causing more problems than his preservation was supposed to solve. Human AU; T for language; pre-established Spamano.” (on-going)

All of Our Flaws “Antonio is a man whose world revolves around anyone but himself. Lovino is a man with dreams bigger than a job behind a drugstore counter. Antonio is broken; Lovino is incomplete. Will a chance meeting lead them to mending their cracks and finding their missing pieces? Human AU, trigger warning for self-harm.” (on-going)

Truly an artist “Having already completed college, Lovino Vargas lives in Madrid as an artist suffering from severe artist’s block. In one of his visits to his old school he runs into a new teacher, Antonio Fernández Carriedo, who decides he’ll be the one to help Lovino in his endeavor to find himself. However cheerful and optimistic, Lovino still feels there’s more to Antonio than he’s letting on.” (completed)

The Heartbreaker “Sometimes the best things happen unexpectedly. Certainly this is Antonio’s opinion at the moment. The handsome stranger he met upon moving to a new town in Italy seems to be able to do almost no wrong. Until he digs a little deeper below the surface and begins to discover an unsettling reputation. And if the rumours are true, is it wise to trust a man known as ‘The Heartbreaker?” (completed)

We sing, We dance, We eat tomatoes “When Lovino Vargas takes in a starving guitar player called the Curbside Prophet from the streets of Philadelphia, he isn’t expecting the man to tolerate him for more than a couple weeks, much less fall in love with him. Based on the the music by Jason Mraz.” (on-going)

Underwater Land “Antonio was a merman. Lovino hated water. It was truly a match made in heaven.” (completed)

Flashlight “If I throw a tomato at you, vampire bastard, will you still sparkle under the sauce?” Twilight parody. (completed)

Catch you, Catch me “Clumsy, clueless detective Romano is on the trail of the infamous handsome and charming thief El Apasionado Caballero. But there’s more to this, what seems like a simple game of cat and mouse, than meets the eye.” (completed)

Blackbird “Antonio walks into a small coffee joint, hoping for just some caffeine to take the edge off of late-night studying for midterms, and gets a whole lot more than he bargained for in the form of a snarky, foulmouthed, Italian barista.” (on-going)

Counting Stars “Antonio, failed writer and journalist, thinks things are finally going his way when he lands an interview with actor Lovino Vargas. But it’s only the start of a long line of problems… the biggest of which may be Vargas himself.” (on-going)

Cosa Nostra “Based on the historical background of the Sicilian Mafia during the First Mafia War starring Mafia!Romano.” (completed)

Tight Rope “Rich, spoiled kid Lovino Vargas hates pirates. Pirate captain Antonio Carriedo hates rich, spoiled kids. None of them ever thought they could feel something different from hatred towards one another. However, Fate seems to have different plans for them, and twists their lives in unexpected ways.” (on-going)

When You Recover “Nurse Lovino Vargas has to take care of brain damaged patient Antonio Carriedo, who seems to have a strange affection towards him. N-not that Lovino likes it! The Italian is determined to make the man recover, no matter what it takes. What will little Lovino get himself into with this patient?” (on-going)

Like All Things, It Ends “Lovino doesn’t want his family to know how much his childhood trauma still affects him and he does a good job at hiding it. That is, until he moves to a new town and meets Antonio, someone he is unable to hide anything from. (Warnings for PTSD, Depression, harmful thinking of oneself, and violent death of a loved one)” (completed)

Wish upon a star “A drunken wish on a star lands Lovino back in the time of pirates, and when he runs into a familiar face with an unfamiliar personality, he’ll start to question his own heart. Pirate!SpainxRomano. Rated for language, violence, and maybe mature situation” (completed)

Crooked Timber “As an artist, Lovino understands that perfection doesn’t exist. If only Antonio agreed with him, and stopped trying to hurt himself. -Human (College) AU. Spamano multi-chapter with other minor pairings. Depressed!Antonio, Writer!Antonio, Artist!Lovino- TW for self-harm.” (completed)

Just Pretend! “Romano liked Emma- a lot. Except her stupid big brother was too overprotective (and, okay, a little scary)! He wouldn’t allow any guy near her- unless they weren’t romantically interested in Emma. So, Romano decided to pretend to be gay, with the help of Antonio, in hopes of getting Emma to fall in love with him. Perfect plan, right?” (completed)

The Duty of an Elder Son “Lovino Vargas knew a lot about duty.” His Grandfather’s swollen empire puts all of his family in danger, the other gangs are massing, the police are on their tails and Lovino is given a bodyguard in one Antonio Carriedo. 1920s Mafia AU fic. (completed)

Flatmates “They were flatmates, they were best friends and they were really frustrated about relationships. So what would two young men do about this?” (completed)

Zero Tolerance “Lovino lives a perfect life. Or atleast thats how he is suppose to appear. Antonio lives a life as a dangerous gangbanger. North Side meets South Side as these two are partnered in their Chemistry class. But there is one chemical reaction these 2 arent prepared for- Love. AU, human names used. Based on the book “Perfect Chemistry” by Simone Elkeles.” (completed)

Your Love Can Be My SIght “Seventeen year old Lovino Vargas lost his sight in a terrible car accident. Antonio, a teacher at Lovino’s school was born without it. Can Antonio teach Lovino that even without sight, life can be beautiful?” (completed)

The Greatest Treasure, You Idiot! “Spinoff of the “Sea Foam” chapter in Hetalia Fairy Tales. Captain Carriedo of the pirate ship, Buscador Dorado, seeks a legendary treasure “that is worth gaining” with the help of the infamous wish-giver, Lovino. But what is the true treasure?” (completed)

Crowns of Triple Gold “Things are rarely simple for Romano in the Eternal City, especially when he falls for one of his clients, a Hispanian senator up for consul against his father.” (completed)

Prisoners on the Slave Ship of Love “Lovino Vargas has been captured and taken hostage in a pirate raid led by Captain Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and his band of Spanish buccaneers. Tensions grow high and hearts are tested when Lovino becomes Captain Carriedo’s personal prisoner…” (on-going)

The Lemon Tree “Lovino didn’t want to be a slave in that scary mansion. He needed to break free. The fight for independence, however, is a difficult path, and falling in love with the man that destroyed his life doesn’t make things any easier.” (completed)

Sun Kissed “A powerful man once created gods to rule the sky as the creatures of the land lives. The Sun and the Moon. Brothers since birth, and all powerful, they rule side by side. As time passes, the Sun realizes how unhappy he is watching people hide from him. What happens when he discovers a man who isn’t afraid to live under the harsh sun?” (completed)

Tesoro Mio “Antonio’s the charming, handsome farmer with an infuriating Spanish accent, and Lovino is the mysterious wine entrepreneur who comes and goes. When Antonio falls in love, he throws society, expectations, and religion to the wayside, but can a strict Catholic like Lovino do the same?” (completed)

Because of the war “A first person POV for Romano during and after WW2. His thoughts as he fights and survives. Beware of angst.” (completed)

Just Add one Mermaid’s Tear “To gain something of ultimate value; the unthinkable must be preformed. The line is etched upon the brow of every nation, the taste of the water still on their lips. What happens though when one nation desires the fountain of youth once more?” (completed)

Until the Moss Had Reached Our Lips, and Covered Up Our Names “In a city filled to the brim with gangs, all the territory split between them, peace has lasted for the past sixteen years. It’s a tentative peace, won after the last massive gang war reshaped the entire city. Except all it takes is one domino to fall, and the Vargas patriarch is dead, leaving behind Antonio to lead his house, who isn’t even his blood relative. With an untried Head, the balance of power has started to shift again, and it seems as good a time as any to start calling in old debts and revenges.” (on-going)

The Bet “When someone kisses you, and then moves away you’d think that would be it. But when Antonio comes back from Spain he wants Lovino to be his again. Except Lovino now hates Antonio…which sucks for Lovino because Antonio isn’t going to let go that easily.” (completed)

Wings “People ask me a lot why I love him. Why I spend so much time chasing him when he never returns my feelings. It’s because I see something they don’t.” (on-going)

My Heart is Drenched in Wine “Wine and romance. More importantly, when you cut through my wine!fangirling, this is a story about Lovino and Antonio and how they find their way back together (in spite of the past and occasionally the present) as they attempt to make wine and sometimes love.” (completed)

Of Two Minds “Feliciano and Lovino are living on the streets, with a secret that keeps them from getting close to anyone. Will their lives get better or worse after being forced to join a pirate crew, and what will happen when their secret finally comes out? Rated T for some (minor) violence, Romano’s mouth, and some angsty feelings. Pirate AU.” (completed)

Beats of Fever “Antonio Fernández Carriedo is a doctor working in Madrid dealing with a crush on an Italian tourist when the tensions in Spain reach a head and Civil War breaks out.” (on-going)

All of Our Sins “Lovino is Catholic, but he’s not entirely sure what he believes. Nevertheless, he and his brother Feliciano are forced to attend confirmation classes. When Lovino meets their group leader- bizarre, cheerful Antonio; one of the first people to treat Lovino like he matters- things get complicated. When they find this church is much darker than it appears, things get terrifying. Fast.” (completed)

Es Sólo Tu Corazón “Lovino has been in love with Spain for as long as he can remember. All he wants is to be with his former caretaker, but he soon finds out that the Spain he knew as a child is no longer there…and the real one is far more dangerous.” (on-going)

There Goes My Life “Antonio, 26, a old gourmet chef, a bachelor who’s all party. Lovino a 20 y/o premed student who only has one goal, to be become a doctor. He is determined to let his feelings for the Spaniard fade away, but after receiving devastating news, a drunken one night stand leads to the end of life as Lovino knows it.” (on-going)

As We Were “Rich, bored and unhappy, Lovino Vargas is the heir to his grandfather’s wine brand. Antonio is the restless young traveller prone to attacks of claustrophobia. For them, falling in love is a journey. Literally. Spamano, Human AU, multi-chapter. Warnings for language and sexual themes.” (completed)

NekoRoma “Antonio has been feeling lonely with his recent break up with his on/off boyfriend. The solution: a new kitten that his boss doesn’t want. Just as he gets used to this cat, a new challenge is thrown at him. How do you teach a cat to be human?” (completed)

Summer Sensations “The hot summer nights of Madrid bring many things, but one very special night changes two lives forever. Lovino learns that love is not such a frivolous thing after all.” (completed)

Fools Like Us  “What starts out as a normal Friday night for the “Bad Touch Trio” soon becomes an opportunity for Francis to use his favorite word in reference to his best friends. Unfortunately, Gilbert and Antonio couldn’t possibly have fallen for people who would return their feelings easily, but Francis is determined to help them out despite his own relationship-or lack thereof.” (completed)

Hear Me “Antonio and Lovino are trying their best to get by in high school, but between the stresses of grades, family, friends, and heartache, it’s a lot harder than it looks.” (completed)

Fame and Fortune “Lovino Vargas is a barkeeper and reluctant Stasi informant. As much as he despises what he does, he obeys the terrifying Red Army colonel, Ivan Braginsky. That is, until the secretive and frustratingly attractive Antonio Fernandez Carriedo arrives in his life and breaks all the rules. Inspired by the Elvis Presley song of the same name.” (on-going)

It’s all Antonio’s Fault “Condoms, footballs to the stomach, fake nurses, confusing hallways, and flying backpacks. Lovino Vargas’s first day at World Academy was already one of his worst, and he could only imagine that it would spiral downwards as he got to know the tomato bastard, otherwise known as Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.” (on-going)

My Antonio “Going against everything in his strict, Catholic upbringing, Lovino has fallen desperately into love and lust for his family’s Spanish stable boy, Antonio.” (completed)

Sound Life “Spain is dead, leaving Romano distraught and wishing for there to be a way for him to see his beloved Spaniard alive and healthy…Only to wake up in a strange alternate world… with another Spain seeking his affection.” (completed)

Possessively Scary “Romano begins college late with his brother after their nonno passes away. When entering, he meets a very strange Spaniard. The man is odd but still attractive at the same time. As they get closer, Romano learns more about Antonio and doesn’t know if he should be scared of the man or not. Can he get out of something he got himself into?” (on-going)

This Dance “Antonio wants Lovino to be his dancepartner at Austria’s ball. Lovino, struggling with his growing feelings of love and affection for everyone’s favorite tomato-bastard as always, agrees. Now, there could be worse things, right?” (completed)

Powdered Sugar “Truth, like powdered sugar, tastes sweet but goes down cold. If a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, we might need a bit more.” (completed)

Singles “Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert are three friends who suffered their first heartbreaks at the age of fifteen, and made a pact to never fall in love again. That will change for Antonio when he first lays eyes on a brown-haired young man in a club…” (completed)

A Heated Story “Sky High / superpower hs au. wip. Lovino Vargas is a new kid at Sky High with his brother. He has the power to control fire. Only one problem, he hates the heat. Spamano, and other ships. Doesn’t actually have anything to do with the movie, just used the school.” (on-going)

I Don’t Hate You “Lovino and his brothers face the unknown while on a mission to Earth. The Italian angel comes up against more than he bargained for when a dark angel takes a liking to him and now he and Feliciano might be cast out.” (completed)

Like all things, it ends “Lovino doesn’t want his family to know how much his childhood trauma still affects him and he does a good job at hiding it. That is, until he moves to a new town and meets Antonio, someone he is unable to hide anything from.” (completed)

Disegno e Colore “A young, apprenticing artist, Lovino craves rationality, perfection, and self-possession, and has curated his life to one day attain that. He never expected a chaotic and brash painter to barrel into his life and test everything Lovino thought he wanted and knew of himself, his art, and his heart.” (on going)

Land Beyond Dreams “Antonio is saved from death by someone he’d spoken to only a few times, but who lost his life in the process. Grief-stricken, he only wishes he could have gotten to know his savior, when his dreams suddenly become reality…or are they still only dreams?” (completed)

It’s All Antonio’s Fault “Condoms, footballs to the stomach, fake nurses, confusing hallways, and flying backpacks. Lovino Vargas’s first day at World Academy was already one of his worst, and he could only imagine that it would spiral downwards as he got to know the tomato bastard, otherwise known as Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.” (on-going)

A tale of endurance “Lovino had no idea what to do. Knowing that your life will be over in half a year tends to do that to you. Well, one thing he knew for sure. No one would ever discover this until the day he was pushing daisies. And that was a fact.” (completed)

The Risk of Love “Romano is dead and Spain is broken, spiralling into the deep, blackness of depression. And as he locks himself from the outside world, isolating himself from his friends, from everyone, in his oblivion of pain, Romano find’s he’s the only one who can help. Only, how can useless ghost like him even dream to help the slowly dying love of his life?” (completed)

Dance with me “Lovino Vargas started taking tango lessons completely by accident. Who would have thought that one day he wouldn’t mind those hands roaming over his body? That he would be dancing with his teacher as if there was no one in the room but the two of them?” (on-going)

Fireflies “Lovino was abandoned in Italy with his grandfather at age seven because his parents liked his little brother better than they liked him. On his way back from America, he sits next to a far too happy Spaniard. But, when this childish Spaniard turns out to be his new teacher, what will happen? And with a field trip to Venice on the way, what antics will they get up to?” (on-going)

El Corazón del Pirata “Fate is once kind, twice cruel. And Captain Antonio Fernandez Carriedo does not have a heart, nor does he fall in love with his prisoners. But Lovino Vargas might just be the fuel to his flame - certainly there’s more to him than meets the eye.” (completed)

More Than Lust “Why did the Spaniard always hope for the impossible? That Romano would come to him one day, confessing his feelings, and they would make LOVE? That they would cry out each others names, he could hold the Italian, wake up the next morning, and he would still be there?” (completed)

The Prince and the Pauper “When Prince Feliciano goes missing, it is up to a poor servant boy Romano to step in to take his place and thwart an evil plan to take over the kingdom. However, falling in love was something neither one anticipated. Based off of the Princess and the Pauper.” (completed)

Talking to My Shadow “Lovino spends his life telling doctors about his brother, Feliciano. They hear about his look-alike brother everyday but never see him. Lovino is finally taken to a new physiologist and he meets the doctor’s son, a springy little Spaniard who’s excited to help his new friend, no matter the difficulty. Will this illness mean a life time of seclusion for Lovino or can he win?” (completed)

Spend my time dancing “As much as Lovino loved seeing the upperclassman in his soccer jersey, he’d much rather help him take it off. It’s about time they started playing on the same field. AU. SpaMano. Various others. All’s fair in love and soccer.” (completed)

Maybe, Just Maybe “Romano couldn’t help but be instantly attracted to the stranger on the train, the one with bright green eyes and an unforgettable smile. How could something so simple end up changing his life so much?” (completed)

Dead Alone “Lovino drains the life from anything he touches, seriously. It seems that he’s the embodiment of death while his lively twin brother is his counterpart life. He has isolated himself from everyone, for their own protection. So what happens when a new transfer student decides to take an interest in him his freshman year of high school?” (on-going)

Lovino and the Conquistador “Lovino lived a life of simple pleasures; a good book, his own little world and an odd, but loving, family. However, in order to save his family, he must take their place as prisoner of a hideous beast within a gloomy castle. Based on “Beauty and the Beast” (completed)

Truth Be Told “The Well of Uncomfortable Truths is discovered & deals Spain a hard fact- "Whenever you said you loved him, you didn’t really mean it. You were thinking of his brother. They were empty words.” Can Romano be convinced about whom the Well was talking about?” (completed)

Scaliest “When his entire life is taken from him, Antonio vowed to slay the beast that ruined his life no matter the cost. But on his travels he meets a secretive, sassy bard who might be more helpful than either of them realize. Is vengeance the answer or is there more at stake?” (on-going)

All I’ve lost “Lovino Vargas has slowly fallen into the trap that is Anorexia. He meets Antonio who is a strangely kind kid. Lovino thinks maybe, just maybe…there is hope. Warnings: Depression, anorexia, bulimia, mental illness and bullying.” (completed)

Infection “Antonio didn’t know what to think of the man who randomly showed up in his home… completely naked. Yet, he still found himself drawn to this “Lovino”, only to be thrown into his worst nightmare.” (on-going)

Tomato Angel “What happens when Antonio get’s jealous? (Aftermath of ‘Awesome Being Evil’)” (completed)

Step-Lovers “King Romulus is getting married to Queen Isabel. While the wedding goes smoothly, things don’t go all that smooth for Antonio and Lovino. The heat is especially turned up when it’s decided that there will be a competition for who gets to be heir to the throne.” (completed)

There goes my life “Antonio, 26, a old gourmet chef, a bachelor who’s all party. Lovino a 20 y/o premed student who only has one goal, to be become a doctor. He is determined to let his feelings for the Spaniard fade away, but after receiving devastating news, a drunken one night stand leads to the end of life as Lovino knows it.” (on-going)

Broken Wings, Healed Hearts “Junior Lovino Vargas, a broken angel, has a dark secret he’s determined to keep to himself, now matter how much of an outcast it makes him. But will his new neighbor, Antonio, change that?” (completed)

The Reunion “Light or Dark?” Lovino asked. Feliciano studied him before answering. “Light. Light always wins” When Feliciano Vargas catches the eye of a mysterious man only by the name of “The Lord,” he finds himself and his brother on an adventure ending in Germany’s infamous Black Forest. However, the Lord’s affections are not what they appear to be and Lovino finds himself worried there is a worse threat other than some creep trying to get into his brother’s pants. (on-going)

Slowly But Surely In Love “Lovino Vargas turns fifteen, the age at which the words of peoples’ soul-mates say to them when they first meet is branded onto their wrists. Feliciano has a brand as soon as the hand strikes midnight, but why doesn’t Lovino?” (completed)

Life with Lyrics Lovino Style “Lovino struggles with what he believes is a one-sided crush and his completely oblivious, also entirely too cheerful, brother. Mentions of suicide, but not a death fic!” (completed)

Walking the Line “Maybe stumbling into Walmart in search of supplies during the end of the world wasn’t as good of an idea as Lovino initially thought. Nothing screamed desperate like raiding the aisles of a fucking Walmart for food while a hoard of the undead snarled at him from outside, but that didn’t seem to matter to the armed trio he stumbled into, or more specifically, the odd Spaniard munching on Skittles. His ideas were getting to be pretty lackluster these days.” (ongoing)

Hymn to the Sea “Please, call me Antonio,” he says. “Oh, and Lovino?” “What?” Lovino snaps, a little sharper than he wants when his brain has finally caught up to his embarrassment and he realizes he’s acting like a love-sick child. He finds he still can’t keep up when Antonio’s smile changes into something different: not the friendliness it was earlier nor the comforting warmth it was moments ago. No, this one is affectionate. “I prefer your smile over Feliciano’s any day,” he says, quiet and honest. (completed)

I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You “Throughout the 500 years they spent together, Antonio never stopped reminding Lovino of how special he was, and Lovino never stopped making Antonio the happiest man on earth.” (completed)

Lentamente “Antonio and Lovino are struggling with catastrophic life changes. A traumatic event leaves Antonio scared of his own shadow; a romantic betrayal destroys Lovino’s ability to trust people. And when coping seems impossible, can dance save them?” (completed)

We’d Be Together “Something felt off about Antonio’s new home. The stairs creaked, the windows groaned, and in the mirror he saw a face he didn’t know. The face was young but the gestures old; Toni began a romance untold. He felt an issue new to most… if only he could touch Lovino the ghost.” (completed)

Blessed WIth A Curse “Monsters are real… and they didn’t just hide in your closet or under your bed. Too bad they came in the form of Antonio Fernandez Carriedo- a Spaniard too sexy for his own good. / AU Vampire!AntonioxLovino” (on-going)

Speak  “Lovino is shy. So is Antonio. Oh dear…” (completed)

You Belong With Me “Lovino wished for a lot of things. He wished he had a family or food or fitting clothes or friends but mainly just wished to belong. He doesn’t quite get what he wished for when he meets filthy rich Antonio, who just came from Spain and has settled in the same town as the little thief. Still…it’s a start.” (completed)

The Witch of Sicily “There were still whispers, rumors that the witch of Sicily remained in that forest, cursing all who would come near. It was a place many feared to tread, treated almost as sacred ground. Only fools would dare incite the wrath of the witch by entering that place. Only fools…and pirates.” (on-going)

We the Dreamers “New York City, 1940: Antonio is a recently arrived refugee from Spain, a scarred soldier with firm political convictions. For Lovino, everything is pointless and nothing ever lasts. The two of them live, love and dream desperately, as World War Two threatens to take it all away.” (completed)

Guide Me “After witnessing a startling event, Lovino Vargas finds himself stricken with blindness from a psychological misfortune called ‘conversion disorder’. Without anyone to guide him, he is placed with Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, a novice seeing-eye counselor, who will try to help him regain his sight and if not, teach him how to live in the new dark, lonely world ahead of him.” (completed)

Pirate’s Lullaby “It was the last thing in the world that Lovino Vargas wanted. To fall in love with Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. But when the pirate takes him aboard his ship, Lovino learns that maybe it’s not so bad to be a pirate.” (on-going)

Infamous “Lovino was a childhood actor, but once the show he was a part of got canceled he thought he was free and could leave all the acting and fame up to his brother Feliciano. However, when a 'follow up’ episode is decided upon ten years later, he ends up going back. There he sees a familiar, face; Antonio Carriedo, a singer with his eye on Lovi making normal impossible” (completed)

Guilty Bliss “Lovino has had a drug problem for years that he’s never been able to stop. With his debts getting out of hand, Lovino finds himself in situations that made him wish he had quit.” (completed)

Bottoms Up! “Follow Lovino on his weird and, well, at least quite interesting trip around Europe in order to find out some of the greatest secrets ever about himself, Europe, tomato-shaped alarm clocks and the past of his lovely, but complicated Spanish partner.” (completed)

A Trip To Spain Could Only End In “Lovino is a foreign exchange student in Spain. Things were going just brilliantly before he happened upon a Spanish restaurant in the heart of Madrid where he laid eyes on a certain Spanish Sex God…” (completed)

The Pirates Treasure “Pirate Captain Antonio wants one thing, and one thing only; a mermaid. Boy or girl doesn’t matter, as long as they are royalty and can make him jewels.He’s got his wish, but dealing with this prince is going to be much harder than he thought.” (completed)

Strike a Pose, Fake a Smile “Antonio loves the stage; Romano hates it. So when he’s “convinced” into coming to drama club, he’s not gonna like it. In fact, he’s going to say things that he’ll regret. And because he’s such a good actor, this time Antonio believes him. Uh-oh.” (completed)

A Helping Hand “Antonio owns a cafe low on business. One day a strange boy comes in, running from a group of men and covered in wounds. Antonio offers for him to stay and repay him with work. As payment, the boy Lovino begins to make new dishes to bring more people into the cafe. Who is this boy and why won’t he tell Antonio anything but his name and age?” (completed)

A Beautiful Story “Lovino Romano Vargas is a suicidal designer who is unhappy with his fate. One day, he chances to meet Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, who turns his life upside down.” (completed)

Careless “This year, Antonio had priorities: grades, girlfriend and the Football competition, securing college with his two best friends! But that was before the Vargas moved in with all their drama including kidnapping, threats, and football talents. If anyone asks Lovino, not getting killed would be a clear ecstatic success. He is just what Antonio needed, or not.” (on-going)

This is it for now but I might update this if I get any suggestions, if I remember any fanfic that I missed or if I find any new good ones. If you’re an author and want me to add your fanfic or if you just want to suggest me one don’t be afraid to PM me! (because this is a masterlist after all)

[sprnklersplashes]

your parallel universe or mine? (part 1)

AO3 

Or, the Heathers/OUAT crossover that nobody asked for but everybody gets because 2020 is like that I guess

The diner is half-full when Emma pushes open the door, the little tinkling bell barely audible above the evening chatter, as well as the patron greeting her good morning. Truth be told, she wasn’t planning on getting dinner from Granny’s today. She had started seeing that maybe, maybe, Killian’s points that eating out for dinner for half the week is not economically a very sound plan, nor is it actually healthy. And today in particular, her house was so warm and the idea of sitting on the couch while he makes his famous omelettes and watching a feel-good movie with her daughter really did sound like a nice way to spend her evening. So no, she wasn’t actually planning on going to Granny’s.

The only problem is that she happens to have a very ambitious 6 year old who decided she was old enough and big enough to not just make dinner for herself, but also for the cat. And for some reason, she had concluded that cats must like Coco Pops. Only problem is that the Coco Pops are on the highest shelf, which she had climbed up to like it was the rigging on her father’s pirate ship. Only problem is that it isn’t, and Hope isn’t exactly blessed in the grace department. And as everyone knows, a panicked mini Saviour plus falling plus uncontrollable magic plus electronics nearby is a recipe for disaster.

Which is why she came knocking on Emma's bedroom door and explained from behind her hands that the oven was wasn’t working and, after some questioning, she may have sort of kind of accidentally sent a magic bolt heading straight for it. And as it turns out, that panicked her so much that everything else went with it. As was punctuated by the lightbulb in her room going off as Hope confessed everything and pleaded with her to believe that she didn’t really mean it.

Ah, Storybrooke. Never a dull moment.

Emma can’t be mad at Hope. Not really, since she was trying to impress her and it was something that can be easily fixed when they get home. She didn’t mean anything bad by it anyway. And… well, she gets some of Granny’s fries out of this deal. Even Killian agrees that their new home-cooked dinners can wait until Monday.

“Hey guys,” Ruby chirps, her dark hair pulled into a braid. Seeing her old friend is a bit of a surprise to Emma, and a welcome one. Not that Ruby never visits, but she’s dividing her time more unevenly lately, spending most of her time in Oz. “What can I get you?”

“Didn’t know you’d flown back in,” she comments.

“Ah well, Granny wants me to train up some new recruits,” she explains with a shrug. “Lots of kids looking part time jobs here, and since Granny’s going into retirement soon, she kind of needs all the help she can get.” She gestures to behind them, where some kids Emma recognises from the high school are milling around wearing Granny’s aprons, all with varying degrees of enthusiasm. She even spots Dorothy, a pencil tucked behind her ear, taking an order from the dwarves.

“Well look at that,” Emma mumbles. “Okay, so I’ll get cheeseburger, side of onion rings and a Coke.”

“And the grilled salmon, please. With a side of potato cakes if you don’t mind,” Killian adds. “Although if it weren’t for this one-” He pokes Hope in the belly. “We’d be eating our boiled mackerel, wouldn’t we?”

Emma hides her laugh behind her hands as Hope nods, pulling a face the moment Killian’s eyes leave hers.

“And I want a hot dog,” Hope adds. “With loads of fries. Please,” she adds after Killian gives her a look. He raises an eyebrow at her and she rolls her eyes. “And a fruit salad for dessert. Please.”

“I’ll see if I can cover the fruit in chocolate for you,” Ruby adds with a wink, swirling around before Killian can protest. One of the most important parts of parenting is knowing where to pick your battles, and one of the most amusing parts of parenting is watching Killian try to pick all of them and failing miserably. Who know that the dastardly Captain Hook, terror of the high seas, would have met his match in the form of a six year old?

Her point is proven when Hope slides one of the colouring pages in front of him, green eyes wide, and he can do nothing but grin and pick up a crayon. Emma smiles as she takes a sip of her freshly-delivered Coke, making a mental note to bring this up to Killian later. If they didn’t eat out, how do they get perfect family moments like that.

But, as with all things in Storybrooke, their perfect evening doesn’t last. Emma has barely finished her bacon when the door swings open, and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up even without turning around. She’s been in this diner enough to know that door, and to know that when it’s opened like that, it means trouble.

So she’s somewhat unsurprised when she turns to see Alice panting heavily and her eyes wide, her mouth moving a mile a minute.

“Emma! Thank goodness I caught you! You see Robin and I were walking home from work, and just as we were walking, a girl fell out in front of us! And she doesn’t look okay. She’s really, really confused I think. And scared. I think she was scared. All frowny face. But not quite angry frowning, I don’t think. I don’t know it was five whole minutes ago, I can’t remember. Point is; new girl in town appeared out of nowhere and we need help!”

“Okay,” Emma says, sifting through the load of information Alice just threw her way. “A girl? And you say she just fell out in front of you.”

“Yeah. Like one minute she wasn’t there and the next minute she was. Just appeared in the middle of the road.”

“Okay.” She eases herself off her chair and picks up her coat, despite Hope’s puppy eyes. “Could you lead me back there?”

“Uh-huh. Robin’s with her now anyway.” She sticks her hands in her pockets and rocks back and forth on her heels. “I don’t think she’s really bad. I think she’s scared.”

“Well I’ll be the judge of that.” She turns to Killian, a silent apology in her eyes. “You think you can hold down the fort while I play Sheriff?”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” he asks. “I know you can take care of yourself but-”

“I’ll be okay,” she replies. “Not like I’ll be alone. I’ll call my dad in too.”

“Okay,” he says. He gives her a small, one that feels made just for her. “I’ll make your order to go and heat it up later for you.”

“You’re a Saviour.” She pecks his lips quickly before moving to Hope, who doesn’t even bother hiding her scowl. “Hey, baby. I just need to go sort this out and then I’ll be right back, okay?” Her face doesn’t budge. If there’s one thing Hope took from both of them, it’s that petty stubbornness. Feeling Alice hovering behind her, Emma takes Hope’s hand softly, running her thumb over her knuckles. “Hey kid. I know we were meant to play today. I just need to go be Sheriff for five minutes and then you and me can play all night. Deal?”

Hope shifts at that, her eyes moving up to meet Emma’s.

“We can watch Super Bugs?” she asks.

There are few things Emma dislikes more than Super Bugs. It only has one redeeming factor; how much Hope loves it. And she really, really needs to go.

“All day long,” she promises. “Sound like a plan?”

Hope relents at that, the promise of Super Bugs winning her over, and Emma drops a kiss to her head before letting Alice lead her out of the diner, following her down to where this mysterious appearing girl is.

As she and Alice run through the streets and out of the main street, stores and bars slowly giving way to houses which grow fewer and further between. Emma has never been more grateful for the amount of running she’s done in the past years. Alice must have done her fair share too; the girl barely breaks a sweat as she leads her in the direction of the town line, the pavement giving way to the forest floor. It’s there that they come into view, Robin standing on the side of the road, her hands half extended towards a young, freaked out girl. More than freaked out, Emma thinks as she slows to a halt. She looks like she’s been to hell and back; her face streaked with thick black dust, her jacket torn open and from the look of it, she’s struggling to hold herself up. And that's not even mentioning her eyes, which hold far too much for someone her age.

“Who’s this?” she demands, her voice weak and unsteady. She can’t be more than eighteen. Up close, Emma sees the blood across her face, mixing with the dirt, and the way her shirt and jacket both seem badly torn and burned on the edges, and her heart clenches.

“This is Emma,” Robin says quietly. She’s handling it well enough, despite being completely out of her depth. “She can help, she’s a friend of ours.”

“She’s right kid,” Emma says. “Thanks girls, I’ve got it from here.” The girl doesn’t move as Alice and Robin leave, the two casting last looks at her and Alice mumbling thanks to Emma. Emma is ready to grab her in case she runs, but to her surprise, she doesn’t. She just stands there, arms wrapped around herself and her eyes darting everywhere. “Okay, kid. I take it you’re a little confused.”

“A little?” she asks. Her mouth opens and closes wordlessly, hunting for the right questions. “Where am I?”

“Good first question,” she says. “You’re in Storybrooke, Maine.”

“I’m in where?” she asks. She almost laughs. “How the hell am I in Maine?”

“This happens around here more often than you’d think.” She goes to ask her where she’s from, but a car pulling up behind her distracts her. Her dad gets out of the Sheriff’s car, looking to Emma for answers. Unfortunately for him, she’s yet to get anywhere. The girl on the other hand sees the car, probably taking in the word painted on the side, and tenses even more than she already is.

“You guys are cops?” she asks, her voice shooting up.

“Yeah, we’re cops,” Emma says, wincing. The girl’s eyes are wild and frantic as they meet hers, and Emma worries that she might snap and bolt in the other direction. “But it’s okay, you’re not in trouble. We just want to get you home.” She breathes in and takes another step towards her, and after a moment, moves to block her dad from her view. She lowers her voice and her fingers brush against the girl’s. She flinches at the touch, and Emma takes the message. “Hey, you can trust me, okay? I don’t know where you came from, but we can get you back there. I promise.” As the girl dips her head she does the same, trying to get a look at her. “But I can only do that if you co-operate with us here, okay?”

It’s either seconds or years before the girl nods and lets out a weak ‘okay’.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” She looks over her shoulder, to where her dad is sitting on the hood of the car, his eyes not leaving Emma. She looks back at the girl, this fragile looking young girl whom she doesn’t know, but she knows she’s been through some shit. She can’t even imagine everything that led her here, but she can imagine how she must be feeling. “Do you have a name? Cause I’d like to call you something other than kid.”

She nods and lifts her head so that her eyes meet Emma’s.

“It’s Veronica,” she says. “Veronica Sawyer.”

And Emma grins.

“Good to meet you, Veronica Sawyer.”

Veronica doesn’t say a word to either of them the whole ride to the station. But she isn’t rude. She’s not like other teenagers Emma has picked up, who sit in the back with their arms tightly folded glaring daggers into the back of Emma’s head, nor is she throwing out sarcastic remarks in the hopes that one or both eventually snaps. Instead, she’s quiet, sitting there with her eyes trained on one particular spot, her grip on herself not once slipping or loosening. More than anything else she looks exhausted; the kind of exhaustion that seeps into your bones and stays there and the kind you can’t get rid of with a quick power nap or a cup of coffee. An ache builds in Emma’s chest the more she looks at her, past memories flickering up against the present, and so she tears her own eyes off her and looks out at the road instead, not feeling settled until Storybrooke Main Street is in sight.

As they pull up outside the Sheriff Station, Veronica visibly pales; her already white skin turning practically translucent. Her legs barely hold her up as she stumbles out of the car, her knuckles white as she grips the door, yet she flinches away from Emma’s hand when she reaches for her.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Emma tells her softly. She doesn’t move any closer, not when Veronica looks so damn scared, but she tries to reassure her anyway. “No one’s going to hurt you. I promise. We just want to get you back home as soon as we can. Wherever home is.” Veronica doesn’t budge, her eyes trained on the station. The worst part of all this is Emma can’t blame her. It would be so much easier if she could. “You can hold my gun if it makes you-”

“No!” That has to be the strongest Emma has heard the girl’s voice since they met. There’s so much force in it that it actually takes her back a little.

“Okay,” she replies after a while. “Not a fan of guns. Me neither.”

“S-sorry,” she mumbles. She takes a shaky step out and closes the door behind her, swallowing thickly. “I just…. Sorry.”

“It’s okay kid.” Veronica nods, the gesture tiny. Emma takes in a deep breath, looking back over at the station, her father already inside. Veronica must be thinking the same thing she is because she takes a step closer to her and waves in that direction.

“I guess we don’t have all day, do we?”

Just like in the car, the sight of Veronica sitting at the table in the station brings back memories Emma would rather forget. Maybe she’s younger than Emma thought she was, because she looks so vulnerable just sitting there, so lost. She wonders for a second if she might have to excuse herself from this and leave her dad to deal with her. He’s got all that charming warmth anyway. Less prickly than she is. He’s probably better suited to the task than Emma is.

But something in her freaks out at that idea. Somehow she just knows she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if she left this girl’s side, even if it was with her father.

“Okay, here’s your coffee,” she says, placing the cup in front of her.

“Thank you,” she says, her voice breaking. As she sits down across from her, Emma shares a look with her dad, glad to see that they’re at least on the same page here. “Okay… so getting the obvious out of the way, you aren’t from here.”

“No,” she replies with a shake of her head. “I-I mean you said I was in Maine, right? We’re in Maine? But I was in Ohio! How did I get from Ohio to Maine?”

“Ohio?” Charming echoes, realisation dawning on him in time with Emma. “You mean you’re from-you’re from America? From here?”

“I-yes?” she replies, blinking helplessly. “Is…. Is that optional?” David takes Emma’s arm and turns them both around, glancing at Veronica with anxiety evident in his eyes.

“Emma she’s from here,” he states quietly. “From here. Not the Enchanted Forest or Neverland or anywhere else. She’s from this realm.”

“Not from the where now?” Veronica asks. She looks from Emma to David, hoping one can give her an answer. Her mouth hangs open like she’s on the verge of laughing. “Did you just say the Enchanted Forest?”

“You really need to work on your subterfuge,” Emma mutters to him. She leans on the table, looking over at Veronica, trying to find some way to put all this. It’s one thing she just appeared in Storybrooke, but if she’s from the Land Without Magic, that means she has no idea about other realms. And there’s only so much a person can take. “It’s a long story. And it’s not important right now. What’s important is getting you home.”

“Do you remember what you were doing before you got here?” David asks. “Anything at all?”

Veronica lets out a long, ragged breath, her fingers tapping noiselessly on the table. Just as Emma wonders if she should ask again, she speaks, her voice impossibly far away.

“Yeah, I do,” she answers. She takes a long drink of her coffee and squares her shoulders, taking a deep breath in. Emma clenches her fist under the table. She doesn’t know what version of events they’re about to hear, but she’d wager there’s some ugliness that she isn’t going to share. Maybe it has something to do with the dust and blood smeared across her face. “I was at the school. We were having a pep rally. And I had been talking to my friends and then I just had to go… be by myself for a little bit. So I was going home. Then the rain got really heavy and… and I couldn’t see for a minute. I think I tripped over something- no I stepped in a puddle. Then next thing I know… I’m here. And those two girls are talking to me.” Her shoulders shake, her hand presses to her mouth as a whimper escapes her, and Emma is overcome with an urge to go and sit with her and hold her. It’s not maternal or anything close. It’s something else; something that comes from deep within her.

“And… all that?” David asks gently. “Did you get all that just from coming here?”

“What?” she asks before realising. She looks down at herself, like she’s seeing the torn clothes for the first time and reaches up to touch her face, looking at her fingers coming away stained black. “Yeah. Must have been from coming here.”

She’s lying. Emma can tell. But she can also tell she has good reason to do so, so she decides not to press.

“But you’ve never heard of this place before?” David asks her. “Ever?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “No offence but what kind of town is called Storybrooke?”

“We’re not on most maps,” Emma says before leaning back in her chair. This is a tricky one. Everyone else who’s shown up here in the past has done so with some chunk of their memories missing and being from a fairy-tale. Sometimes needing help, sometimes with a plan to destroy them. But Veronica doesn’t fit into any of those categories. She’s from this realm, she remembers how she got here, and while she could be wrong, Emma doesn’t think she’s here to hurt any of them. So where do they go from here? Maybe it is as simple as her getting in the bug and driving her back home, but that doesn’t sit right with Emma. How could someone from the Land Without Magic get here? What-or who-could have sent her here?

Her phone buzzing interrupts Emma’s thoughts, cutting it off before she can go full Sherlock Holmes. Maybe in this case, having Sherlock Holmes around wouldn’t be such a bad thing, but they’re unfortunately yet to come across him. She pulls out her phone, finding only two texts from Killian; one showing a picture of her wrapped up dinner and the other asking if she’s okay.

“Who’s that?”

“It’s just Killian,” Emma explains, sending a quick ‘I’ll fill you in later’ as a reply.

“What is that?” Veronica asks. Emma’s head snaps up, having not expected her to say anything. Little rude of her maybe, but she didn’t exactly strike her as the chatty type, at least not in the current circumstances. Veronica presses her fist into her hand, nodding at Emma’s phone. “Sorry. I’ve just never seen something like that before.”

“This?” Emma asks. “It’s just my phone.”

“That’s a phone?” she asks, eyes going wide. This is the closest to a normal teenager she’s sounded since Emma met her. Far less broken. Less scared. There’s even a hint of a smile on her face. “But it’s tiny. There’s no antenna. I didn’t know they made phones that small! Where are the buttons on it?”

With every new word, Emma’s mouth falls open more and more, and she turns to David to see him come to the same realisation. Like with most things in Storybrooke, this might be a bit more complicated than she thought.

“Veronica,” she begins slowly. “What year is it?”

“What?” the other girls asks.

“Humour me,” Emma says. “What’s the date? Before you got here, what date was it?”

Veronica looks from Emma to David as though she’s expecting one or the other to laugh and say it’s a joke. When neither one says it, she tells him, confusion creasing her face even more than it had before.

“November 25th,” she says. “1989.”

                                                                                               ******

Emma calls it a night not long after that, in part due to her own helplessness and partly due to Veronica’s. She has no idea what the poor girl went through before she came here, but she does know that having her sit in a police station with questions she can’t answer isn’t helping. Anyone can see how shattered she is; the shadows under her eyes becoming more pronounced and her eyes getting heavier no matter how much she tries to hide it. What she needs is a nap, a shower, and a good breakfast. So Emma stands up, puts her jacket on and instructs Veronica to do the same, despite her father’s mild, hushed protests.

“Emma,” he whispers as he follows her to the door. “Are you sure about this, I mean we still know nothing about her.”

“Yeah and she know nothing about us,” she tells him firmly, taking a look back at her. “She clearly has no idea how she got here or what happened. Plus, look at her. Leaving it a few hours won’t hurt anyone.” David’s eyes follow hers, his face softening almost as soon as he looks over at her. Maybe there’s something in her that reminds him of what he once was; lost and running and scared, stuck in an unfamiliar place. Or maybe she reminds him of what Emma was too. Or maybe he’s just kind. Whatever the reason, he nods at her.

“Okay,” he says. “You’re right. But the question is now what do we do with her?”

“Don’t worry,” she replies, grabbing the car keys. “I have the whole thing worked out.”

The Sheriff’s car pulls up outside Granny’s inn, Veronica sitting in the backseat. Just as she asked, Killian is already sitting on the front steps, although she doesn’t remember asking him to bring their daughter. Nevertheless, Hope jumps up the minute she sees the car, Killian’s hand around her waist the only thing stopping her from fully jumping on Emma.

“Well hello little miss,” she says as she approaches. “Surely at this point you should at least have your PJs on.”

“I heard you were going to Granny’s,” she says, her smile soft and warm and all butter-wouldn’t-melt. “And I missed you tonight.” Emma shakes her head and looks at Killian, who only offers a helpless shrug.

“She can be very persuasive when she wants to be, love,” he tells her.

“I’m sure she can.” Killian’s eyes move behind her, as do Hope’s, and Emma turns too, holding her hand out. After a moment’s hesitation, Veronica steps forwards, although her hands remain to herself. Emma relates. “Killian, this is Veronica. She’s going to be hanging around town for a while. Veronica, this is my husband Killian, and my daughter Hope.”

“Hi,” she says quietly, shifting nervously on her feet.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, love,” Killian tells her. “Come on in. They’ve got your room all ready for you.”

“My-my room?” Veronica asks.

“Yeah, your room,” Emma explains. “You think we were just going to let you sleep in the woods? Or the Sheriff station? No way, kid. We pulled some strings and put you up at Granny’s until we can send you back home.”

“Oh,” she says. She shakes her head slightly, the movement swift and sharp. “No, no that’s okay. I mean really, you don’t have to go all out for me. I can find somewhere else.”

“Oh yeah with what money?” Emma asks, and that stops her in her tracks. She takes another step closer to her then, her hand slowly and gently coming to rest on her arm. Veronica stiffens, but she doesn’t pull away. “It’s okay, Veronica. You need a place to stay for a while and I’d feel a lot safer with you being here than anywhere else. And it’s a really nice place too. Granny will take good care of you.” She still looks unsure though, her hand fidgeting at her side. “Besides, it’s not like we’re paying. I’m the Sheriff, so this is coming out of taxpayer dollars, okay?” She runs her hand up and down her arm. “It’s just for a while until we get you back home.”

Emma holds her breath and after what feels like a lifetime, Veronica nods.

The gruffness they’ve come to expect from Granny is completely gone when she greets Veronica; acting more like her fairy-tale counterpart than the Granny she knows and loves. She’s all rosy cheeked smiles and gentle eyes, welcoming her like she’s one of their own.

Actually, scratch that. She wouldn’t be so polite to her own family.

Emma follows them as she leads Veronica to her room, Killian and Hope in tow. The latter seems more than a little disappointed that the attention is focussed on someone else for a change but manages to keep it to herself. Killian is a great distraction for her anyway and Emma does have a sneaking suspicion that her promise of Super Bugs is still in Hope’s mind.

“And here we are,” Granny says, unlocking the door. It’s a very nice room; double bed, fresh sheets, bathroom attached, cookies on the table and a view of the sea just to name a few. It’s lovely, and she’s glad of it, but it’s also far more extravagant than what she paid for. So much so that she has to take the old woman by the elbow and pull her aside.

“Granny,” she says in a low voice. “This is…. I only paid for a single room. I told Killian to-”

“Now you stop right there,” she tells her strongly. She looks back over at Veronica, engaged in some sort of conversation with Killian, and there’s a faraway look in her eyes that Emma can’t place. “I heard what you told Hook about that girl, and from the looks of her, a big bed and some treats is the least we can do. Besides,” she adds with a shrug. “Not like anyone was using it.”

“Granny. You’re an angel,” Emma sighs before crossing back over to Veronica. She keeps looking around the place, her gaze never stopping on one thing, like she’s expecting everything to blink out of existence. Emma nods at her and places her hand on her shoulder. “This okay for you, kid?”

“Yeah, it’s great. Thank you, Emma,” she says. “Thank you for… you know, all of this, you didn’t have to-”

“No problem,” she says. “You get some rest. Tomorrow we’ll meet up with everyone and try to work all this out.” She nods, but her face falls as she does so, what little light there was fading from her eyes, and Emma gives her shoulder a squeeze. “Hey, don’t worry. We’ll get you back home before you know it. Trust me, it’s what we do here.”

She doesn’t get an answer, at least not in the traditional sense. Veronica doesn’t give her a response or anything like that. All she gets is a nod and, after a pause, she reaches out and squeezes her hand. And that means more than anything she could say.

After getting Veronica settled and another two confirmations that she’ll be okay, plus another thank you to Granny, Emma heads home, a tired Hope on her hip and Killian’s arm around her waist.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Killian asks when they’re home, handing her a coffee. She sits on the couch, Hope sprawled across her lap and fast asleep with Emma running her fingers gently through her dark hair.

“Well, she’s not from the Enchanted Forest,” Emma says. “Or the Wish Realm. Or Neverland or anywhere like that. She’s from Ohio.” He frowns slightly, unused to her map, and she has to grin. “That’s sixteen hours from here. Not factoring in bathroom breaks.”

“She’s from the Land Without Magic?” he asks, his eyes widening. “How can she have gotten here without magic?”

“That’s not the only thing,” she says. She half turns towards him, mindful of Hope on her lap. “She thought it was 1989, Killian. She might be from this world but she’s not from this time.”

“You think she time travelled here?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs. “That’s the thing… I don’t know. I don’t know how or why she could have come here.” She runs her finger around Hope’s back, tracing invisible patterns, and lets out a sigh. “She seemed really scared, Killian.” He hums in agreement, his hand wound tightly around his mug.

“You like her.” he asks. States. It takes Emma by surprise either way; her head snapping up. It’s so much that she accidentally jostles Hope; the little girl shifts on her lap and murmurs something incoherent before settling back down, her breath ruffling her hair.

“What?” is all she can say.

“Just… a mysterious girl shows up out of nowhere, we have no idea who she is, and your gut reaction is to put her up in a nice room at Granny’s and pay for her meals,” he says. “Just seems like you care for her.”

“I barely know her,” Emma mumbles in a reply, before her lips turn up into a smirk. “Anyway, it was the honourable thing to do, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was.” He presses a kiss to her hair, causing a faint warmth to spread over her cheeks. He plays with her hair, eyeing her knowingly. Open book, of course. “There’s something else, isn’t there? Something else about Veronica?”

Emma sighs, looking into her coffee. Of course there is. She felt it the minute she looked at Veronica. She may be older than Emma was, and she may look different, but when Emma saw her in the woods, in the back of their car, at the station, all she could see was herself. The look she saw in Veronica’s eyes is one she knows all too well. The look you have when you’re let down, badly. When you were floating on cloud nine one minute ago but now you’re laying on the concrete, broken and bleeding in ways no-one can see but you. She knows it. She’s had it. They might look different, and Veronica may be a little older than she was, but that was her, years and years ago. Standing in a train station, hearing that Neal was gone, taking the future they had planned with him. She doesn’t know what Veronica’s story is, but she’d bet there’s overlap there. And looking at her, she felt every moment of that heartbreak all over again. The second Emma saw Veronica’s eyes, a connection was forged for her, one she can’t shake even if she wanted to. Because even trying to walk away feels like she’s not better than everyone else who let her down in her life. And she’d rather die than be that person.

But she doesn’t feel like saying all of that right now. And Killian knows anyway, he always knows. So she takes a deep breath and says,

“She’s just a kid. And she needs someone to help.” She blinks then, only to find fresh tears in her eyes. “How can I resist?” Killian nods, all understanding eyes and gentle smiles, and kisses her again before offering to carry Hope up to bed, agreeing to meet Emma in their room once he's done. She dumps her coffee down the sink and leans against the counter, her eyes closed tightly as her mind once again drifts to Veronica. Her hand twitches for a moment, reaching for the phone to call her, but she stops herself just in time. She might be the Sheriff and the Saviour, but one thing she isn't her mother, so she'll have to dampen that instinct and focus on the task at hand; getting Veronica Sawyer home.

Veronica Sawyer. While she can't place it, there's something so familiar about that name.

[alistircrat]

Hetalila Fanfiction Recs

Here’s a list of some of my favorite Hetalia fanfictions. Most have pairings, which I’ll specify. I put this up because I know I’m always on the lookout for good fanfiction and I wanted to help out anyone else who’s in the same boat :D Feel free to add onto this or rec me some too ;) Also a good master list of the ones I like LMAO. I’ve noticed I either like tragic, angsty fanfiction or really fluffy ones. A lot are rated M. And a LOT of USUK and Spamano #srynotsry Disclaimer: I did not write any of these; they all belong to their respective authors.

Update: Ive had this sitting in my drafts for like over 4 years and i began it when i was super into hetalia n fanfiction LMAO, what better time to post this when i should be studying lmao its nearly 4 am halp

UsUK

The Secret : Rated T, 32k words, 5 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete Arthur's sister, engaged to prince Alfred, is killed before she even meets him. Arthur's parents do not want to shame themselves by ending the engagement and force Arthur to dress like his sister and marry Alfred instead. But can this secret be kept? (note: very interesting!! I loved every second of it)

The Courting of Alfred Jones : Rated M, 26k words, 13 chapters, Romance/Hurt/Comfort, Incomplete Alfred Jones is the most popular guy in school and also extremely homophobic. This is why Arthur is his new favourite 'victim', but Arthur has no intentions of grovelling in the dust for him. Punk!ArthurxJock!Alfred (note: Rated M, so there IS some explicit material and I advise viewer discretion. Another highschool AU. Sad that it’s probably not going to finish but it’s worth the read)

When I Only Wanted to Save the World : Rated M, 29k words, 11 chapter, Romance, Complete Alfred is a firefighter in New York City. When he gets badly injured, he takes a trip to London to recover. There he meets a man named Arthur, who ends up helping him recover from wounds he didn't even know he had. (note: warmed my weeb heart)

United Again : Rated T, 31k words, 7 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Arthur gets a letter in the mail informing him of his school's ten year reunion.

Unexpected : Rated T, 5.7k words, One-shot, Humor/Drama, Complete World Academy. When Arthur was asked to tutor the star of the American Football team, he expected several things. Sitting in an apartment full of Asian children was not one of them. (cute!)

The Invitational Year : Rated M, 208k words, 41 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Alfred is an awkward dork, despite the fact his dad is President. Arthur is a member of British royalty, and he's a perfectionist loner. Both boys are given an invitation to attend the prestigious World Academy and, naturally, they're roomies. (note: A favorite of mine! Quite long but very much worth it. Highschool AU. Can be silly yet dramatic. Anyways, you should read it! Viewer discretion due to sexual themes)

The Sophomore Year : Rated M, 173k words, 34 chapter, Romance/Drama, Complete After meeting at boarding school, Alfred and Arthur became unlikely friends and then lovers. Now, they'll face their sophomore year in America and all the challenges that come with being young, famous, and madly in love. (note: sequal to The Invitational Year)

And All That Jazz : Rated M, 98k words, 22 chapters, Romance, Complete Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected. (note: I love this fic. Highschool AU. Also involves music...cuz liek yknow the title)

1912 : Rated T, 52k words, 9 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Cynical, overweight and bored in the dull twilight of his empire, Arthur finds distraction in the form of rekindling his relationship with Alfred on board the RMS Titanic during her doomed maiden voyage.

The Arrow was Shot : Rated K+, 5.8k words, One-shot, Romance, Complete In order to win his family's respect, Arthur enters a tournament to win the Princess of America's hand in marriage. At the tournament, he befriends the mysterious Alfred- a fellow competitor who is equally determined to win. As he and Alfred grow closer, he begins to question what is more important to him: his family's respect... or Alfred.

Flirting with Failure : Rated T, 2k words, One-shot, Romance/Humor, Complete Alfred just wanted to get one date with Arthur Kirkland before the semester ended. To do that he had to speak with him. Thus, he was set up for failure.

Hero Frequency : Rated T, 12k words, 3 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete America's got the coolest and most awesome band in school, and he's totally going to win the Battle of the Bands contest. Or at least he might, if he can get England to put aside their past issues long enough to play guitar...

The Gentleman and the Hero : Rated T, 57k words, 21 chapters, Romance, Complete World Academy students have been paired up for an anonymous email exchange program, so they can talk to someone about school and personal problems in private. These are the emails of two students nicknamed 'The Gentleman' and 'The Hero'. (note: I also love this. I find it very cute and also very in character. I want an email buddy lol. Highschool AU)

Breathless : Rated T, 35k words, 4 chapters, Angst/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Arthur Kirkland never thought that golden boy Alfred Jones would ever have a reason to attempt suicide. Then again, how much did he really know about the oh so popular blonde? The rumor mill would surely chew him up and spit him out. (note: p sure this is another favorite of mine. Though angsty, I really enjoyed the development between the two. Highschool AU. Really great read!!)

Static : Rated T, 45k words, 9 chapters, Drama/Romance, Incomplete Sequel to Breathless. Arthur always thought that the incident with Alfred's arms would forever be the biggest hurdle their friendship would face. But as the looks change and the touches linger, it becomes frightfully clear that he was dead wrong about that. (note: continues after Breathless, but not finished ): worth the read anyway)

Ask Me Anything : Rated T, 7k words, One-shot, Romance/Humor, Complete Alfred starts to follow Arthur on tumblr. It's not long until they become friends... and possibly more.

The Cost of Affection : Rated M, 61k words, 32 chapters, Angst/Romance, Incomplete Being a whore is easy: all Arthur has to do is spread his legs and take the money. He doesn't have to face his past; nor does he have to deal with love. And for good reason - because when he does fall head-over-heels for someone, he's forced to realize that his sins go beyond prostitution, and that even as he rediscovers himself, his past is coming back to haunt him after all.

You Can’t Take the Sky Away From Me : Rated T, 113k words, 32 chapters, Adventure/Romance, Incomplete Ace pilot America is on a mission for the World Military when a chance encounter with a group of sky-pirates leads him to team up with their captain, England, against a malevolent group that wants to fill the sky with zeppelins. (note: Steampunk AU. This is a really cool fic!)

We’ll Meet Again : Rated M, 43k words, 13 chapters, Romance/Angst, Complete WW2 AU. London pub owner Arthur Kirkland is driven to distraction by loud, brash American fighter pilot Alfred Jones. Unable to stop it, Arthur finds himself falling for Alfred's charms... just as the pilot is preparing to leave for war. (note: a hetalia fandom clASSIC. MUST READ. unfortunately the OG fics were deleted so someone reposted it, giving credit to the OG author George deValier. this will rip ur heart out n tape it poorly back together)

Franada

La Patisserie de La Rose : Rated M, 35k words, 6 chapters, Romance, Complete Accountant Matthew Williams is used to being unnoticed, ignored, and forgotten. That is until pastry chef Francis Bonnefoy appears like a burst of colour in his dull, grey life. 

AmeViet (yes, Vietnam!)

Hard to Get : Rated T, 57k words, 20 chapters, Adventure/Romance, Complete During World War Two, serious, limited Vietnam meets the boisterous America. Amid fighting, friendship, and stress, America tries to get Vietnam to like him, but she won't let that happen. Or will she? (note: One of my all-time favorites, unforgettable. I can never find fics of this pairing, it’s so hard! But this is a really great fic, highly recommend. also after learning more about Vietnam history, i might give this yet ANOTHER re-read with my new perspectives)

Of Broken Promises and the Taste of Freedom : Rated T, 1.4k words, One-shot, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete Vaguely, Vietnam wondered if this was what freedom tasted like. If perhaps, the hot waves that crashed through her body and set her skin on fire was what it was like to know that you are truly free.

GerIta (apologies, I don’t read too much GerIta LOL)

Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart : Rated M, 104k words, 18 chapters, Romance/Angst, Complete WW2 AU. Feliciano Vargas is a passionate, if slightly scared, Italian resistance member. Falling in love with a German fighter pilot was the last thing he expected... and it will test his national loyalty, and his heart, to their limits. (note: another VeraVerse, so well written! you will not ragret. also a repost since Og was deleted, all credit to George deValier)

RusAme

Dear Diary : Rated T, 55k words, 17 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. Just read his diary; you'll see. (note: I absolutely love high school or college AUs, omg. Also this is hilarious. I can really relate to how Alfred's rambling)

PruHun

The Most Awesome Date Plan Ever : Rated T, 7.5k words, 6 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete It was foolproof. He had worked out every plan, every detail and each possible outcome almost guaranteed him Elizaveta's love. Until it was ruined by Gilbert's two cockblocking best friends. (note: funny and cute)

Táncol? : Rated K+, 24k words, 6 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Elizaveta is determined to find out who Gilbert wants to ask out for the school dance. If that means bullying his friends, being hired by Gilbert to slave over a cake, and invading his diaries, so be it. (note: Another favorite! Very cute)

Hello Hurricane : Rated T, 61k words, 18 chapters, Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy, Complete Sequel to "Táncol?" Elizaveta, Ludwig, Francis, and Antonio are forced to watch Gilbert slowly fade away every day. (note: It might seem like I have lots of favorites, cuz I do and this is one of them. Warning, I cried a lot towards the end. Highly recommend)

PruCan

That Song Called Love : Rated T, 62k words, 25 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Matthew had always resigned himself to a fate of musical obscurity on a supporting instrument, but after meeting an ex-delinquent named Gilbert, he just might learn to take the lead. (note: contains other minor pairings. Although she doesn’t play a huge role I’m so happy Vietnam is in it Dx)

Operation Not to Hot : Rated T, 10k words, 2 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete Gilbert Beilschmidt is dorky, nerdy, and has serious confidence issues. He doesn't really care about himself until he sees Matthew Williams, AKA super-hot-hockey-jock. With Matthew's heart in mind, Gilbert undergoes a complete transformation. (note: funny story. Prussia being Prussia)

Overdue : Rated T, 12k words, 8 chapters, Romance/Supernatural, Complete "Well, Gott, Mattie, at least look someone in the eye when you tell them you're a ghost. Make a good impression!" (note: cute lil one-shot series)

I Have all Summer to Fall For You : Rated T, 162k words, 38 chapters, Incomplete At school, Gilbert makes fun of Matthew, and Matthew just wants to be left alone. But then when the hot days of summer roll around, and they have nothing but free time, things happen that NO ONE could have planned for! (note: MY ALL-TIME FAV PRUCAN FiC Ever. Probably will never finish but the length and quality make up for it)

PruAus

Please Don’t Read the Verdict : Rated M, 57k words, 11 chapters, Romance/Crime, Incomplete District Attorney Roderich Edelstein is faced with a gruesome, controversial murder. He has three months to build a case against the accused, but more than his will to prosecute may be destroyed in the process. (note: sadly not done, but highly interesting!)

Lily of the Lamplight : Rated M, 27k words, 4 chapters, Romance/Angst, Incomplete WW2 AU. Austrian musician Roderich and German soldier Gilbert are forced into an army prison unit and a fight for survival on the Russian Front. But in the midst of blood and death and hell on earth, how long can they fight their desire for each other?  (note: MY 👏 FAV 👏 VERAVERSE 👏 I loveeee this fic, I’m so SAD it’s nEvEr going to be completed. Savor those 4 chapters. Luckily theyre long *cries* Also love the set of main characters, including Prussia, Austria, Berwald, and Poland. Also listen to the song the title is based off of, i luv it too)

SuFin

Cheers to a New Life : Rated M, 94k words, 47 chapters, Romance/Family, Complete Sweden could only find a job as a Kindergarten teacher and the famous Kirkland's little Peter happens to be enrolled into his class. But it is not Mr. Arthur Kirkland who is picking Peter up, it's this angel with the greatest ass Berwald's ever seen. (note: viewer discretion, mostly on later chapters. also has cute lil Peter/Sealand)

My Heart, In Segments : Rated T, 14k words, 10 chapters, Family/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Berwald is a man left alone, and Peter was a kid left behind. Berwald's not really the perfect dad, Peter's not really innocent anymore, and Tino's not really sure he's ready for something so real. But, maybe... Maybe it's time.

In Want of a Wife : Rated T, 41k words, 18 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete Berwald's life is turned upside down when he is accepted into Hetalia International University, and everything changes for the better when he catches a glimpse of his future wife who lives down the hall. Who cares if Tino doesn't accept it yet? (note: Human AU; Lietpol is a bonus in all this hehe)

Treatment : Rated T, 55k words, 12 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete Tino is a young psychology major, well known for being kind and eager to help others with their issues, but less so for his habit of profiling "patients" on campus. His therapist's eye has fixed on Berwald, but will he be the one who ends up on the couch? (note: Though not fully done, it’s one of my favorite sufin fics. Also hilarious bahah)

Catch Perfect : Rated T, 35k words, 8 chapters, Romance/Friendship, Incomplete When Berwald loses everything he is forced to move into a share house with an insane Dane, a sociopathic Norwegian, an unfathomable Icelander and a perfect Finn who makes it all worth putting up with. (note: can be crazy and random, which is probs why I liked it so much. also by George deValier I believe, reposted onto wattpad after it got deleted)

DenNor

Hummingbird : Rated T, 61k words, 12 chapters, Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Lukas' only goal in life was to take care of his younger brother, until he was diagnosed with an irregular heart rhythm. His originally peaceful stay in hospital was interrupted when the loud, cheerful Mathias was moved into the bed beside him and refused to leave him alone; yet as his health began to deteriorate, the Dane decided to fall in love with him. (note: I love this fic so much, it’s also another favorite of mine. Very cute but with lots of angst, ahhh just what I ordered)

Secret Crowds : Rated M, 3.4k words, One-shot, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete An explosion leaves Denmark with a permanent brain injury and Norway struggles to find his role in their relationship as the line between lover and caregiver begins to blur. (sad and touching)

I also read a lot of DenNor so im like ?? where the fics at LOL. but i think i read more DenNor doujinshis, so that’s def something yall should look into

Spamano

A Beautiful Story : Rated T, 16k words, 10 chapters, Tragedy/Romance, Complete Lovino Romano Vargas is a suicidal designer who is unhappy with his fate. One day, he chances to meet Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, who turns his life upside down.

Flashlight : Rated T, 38k words, 11 chapters, Parody/Romance, Complete "If I throw a tomato at you, vampire bastard, will you still sparkle under the sauce?" (note: OKAY SO This is actually a Twilight parody w Romano as Bella and Spain as Edward. I don’t really like Twilight but I really like this version of it lmao. Funny and a good read. Mostly Romano’s POV, cRACK )

New Batteries : Rated T, 41k words, 10 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Sequel to Flashlight. "WELL, I NEVER LIKED YOU, EITHER. WHAT NOW, YOU STUPID SPARKLY EXCUSE OF A VAMPIRE?" (note: also a parody, just the sequel to the previous one listed. I understand the Twilight plot through these better than the original)

Kismet : Rated M, 174k words, 52 chapters, Romance/Fantasy, Complete Lovino learns the hard way that things change and that they can change quickly. The necklace fell and now he's in a strange land far from home. Will he ever see his brother again? Will he find his way home? Or will he discover home is where the heart is? Fate is a strange woman and can work in mysterious ways. (note: RATED M, viewer discretion. the author has a list of warnings on the first chapter you can look at so you know what you’re reading. Fantasy AU)

Catch You, Catch Me : Rated M, (basically)37k words, 7 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete Clumsy, clueless detective Romano is on the trail of the infamous handsome and charming thief El Apasionado Caballero. But there's more to this, what seems like a simple game of cat and mouse, than meets the eye.

The Bet : Rated T, 20k words, 9 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete When someone kisses you, and then moves away you'd think that would be it. But when Antonio comes back from Spain he wants Lovino to be his again. Except Lovino now hates Antonio...which sucks for Lovino because Antonio isn't going to let go that easily.

Zero Tolerance : Rated M, 55k words, 24 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Lovino lives a perfect life. Or atleast thats how he is suppose to appear. Antonio lives a life as a dangerous gangbanger. North Side meets South Side as these two are partnered in their Chemistry class. But there is one chemical reaction these 2 arent prepared for- Love. (highschool AU)

Breathless in the Atmosphere : Rated T, 31k words, 3 chapters, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete Antonio only needed money for marble. He needed to make his art. And a chance encounter on the subway offers him a job as a male escort. It was just for the money. He could stop anytime he wanted to. Really. (note: viewer discretion advised. contains prostitution and suicidal ideation)

Before the Snow Falls : Rated T, 19k words, 2 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Lovino, jersey number nine, right winger. He was ready to pass the ball, ready to set up the win, but Antonio, opposite team, center fielder, was ready too. Someone thought, and someone didn't, and they crashed. Hard. A few months later, Lovino's on crutches, Antonio has scholarships, and they have to deal with the aftermath of what happened.

Door to Door : Rated T, 3.5k words, One-shot, Humor/Romance, Complete Do not open the door. It could be a zombie, an unwanted boyfriend of your brother's, or a persistant salesman by the name Antonio Carriedo.

Numbered Lithograph : Rated M, 133k words, 29 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete When Lovino starts attending art school with his brother he finds his most important lesson doesn't come from his professors, but from a culinary student at a sister school: sometimes the flaws hold the beauty. (note: Probably my favorite spamano fic. Very touching. Has fluff and angst)

Bésame Mucho : Rated M, 48k words, 6 chapter, Angst/Romance, Incomplete WW2 AU. Lovino Vargas only ever wanted something exciting to happen in his boring, everyday Italian village existence. He never expected war, Resistance, love, passion, treason, or a cheerful, confusing, irritatingly attractive Spanish freedom fighter. (note: ANOTHER 👏 ONE 👏OF👏MY👏FAVS👏 BUT SAD BC ITLL NEVER FINISH HDUEOFREGH. Also by George DeValier and reuploaded onto wattpad (originally on ff.net)! I’m in love with the writing. Incomplete but sooo worth the read.)

Bad Touch Trio (may or may not contain pairings/slight pairings)

Oh No, We’re Hot : Rated T, 1.4k words, One-shot, Friendship/Humor, Complete In which, after a summer apart, the Bad Touch Trio realizes that they have become really attractive. Really slight hinted Spamano. (note: I absolutely love the BTT, this is a cute short fic about them)

The Trap : Rated T, 4.7k words, One-shot, Friendship/Humor, Complete The prompt was Prussia and Spain meeting France for the first time, thinking he's a girl, kiddy-courting him, then finding out he's a boy, but still kiddy-courting him. Exactly as wacky as it sounds. (note: another cute story about the BTT and their rad friendship! I need this in my life)

Multiple Pairings

Playing Cupid : Rated T, 24k words, 15 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete In Everett High School there is a secret club called the yaoi club. It is their job, during Sadies, to set up couples. This year Elizabeta has an ambitious plan. She is going to find a date for the infamous Lovino Vargas. Her choice is Antonio, unfortunately half the girls want to ask him too. Will she and her friends succeed? Spamano, UsUk, Prucan, GerIta, others (note: very cute highschool AU! highly recommend! also contains many of the hetalia girls, which is amazing~)

No Pairings

Bad Pasta : Rated T, 13k words, 6 chapter, Mystery/Tragedy, Complete Kiku and Arthur trade rooms. (note: Author also made a game based on this posted on deviantart: Bad Pasta game. I really liked it, especially since I’m into hetalia fangames and whatnot. warning, contains death of characters)

Fun with Former Vikings : Rated K+, 63k words, 17 chapters, Friendship/Family, Complete Brothers that are too awkward to even stand next to each other, husband and 'wife,' and that one guy that drinks a lot. The Nordics couldn't be any more different. And neither could the situations they get themselves into. (note: I love love love the Nordics. This is also probably one of my all-time favs. I love them as bros Dx)

God Only Threw the Humans out of Paradise : Rated K+, 4.5k words, One-shot, Friendship, Complete 12 years is nothing in the life of a Nation. But to a puppy, it's a lifetime. This is a look at 12 years of England's life through the eyes of man's best friend.

Gutters : Rated M, 98k words, 20 chapters, Adventure/Drama, Complete 'The Calamity' has left the world stripped and dying. Alone in a civilian bunker in Munich, Sealand will be reunited with the last known living member of his surrogate family and together, they will set out across Europe to find those they have lost. (note: It’s an adventure story starring Sealand and Denmark. Can be really intense and eMOTIONAL i cried like a bitch, highly recommend. Probably one of my 👏 favorite👏  fics of all time)

Ditches : Rated M, 2.4k words, 2 chapters, Drama/Family, Incomplete Prequel to Gutters. In the days leading up to The Calamity, the world braces and families struggle not to be torn apart.

Breathe Me : Rated T, 66k words, 21 chapters, Angst/Hurt/Comfort, Complete "God I'm so fat." "No, Alfred. You're not. You're –" "Stop it! I am and you know it! The whole world knows! Just stop okay?" Trigger Warning, Human AU, and F.A.C.E. Family. (note: very important TRIGGER WARNING due to mention of eating disorders, verbal abuse, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.)

[gothamdetected-a]

multiverse.

i know what you’re thinking. sim are you absolutely fucking insane, don’t even TRY to tackle this one. you’re right i am insane. and yes i am still going to try and tackle a meta about DC multiverses HOWEVER, to give myself on shred of sanity on this treacherous journey, i will say that this is mainly going to be about the multiverse from a bruce perspective. this ride is a batman focused train i’m afraid. also i want to state that this is by no means a perfect explanation – i’m a) trying to keep it simple and b) still am lost on parts of the timeline myself so. its what i can offer.

ok so, originally NCP, or the national comics publication (who will one day become DC), wrote their golden age heroes on an earth now designated as earth-2. in the 30s, just before the war, comic books absolutely exploded as a media format, and a bunch of companies all jumped the gun on creating superheroes. many of DCs most endearing and recognisable heroes were created all the way back then, however many of them also are not quite who you will recognise as the character today. hal jordan wasn’t green lantern, but was instead a man called alan scott, jay garrick was the flash instead of barry allen etc etc. don’t worry though! batman is still batman, and has been bruce wayne since 1939. earth-2 batman, as he will come to be known, is a bright kind of guy found on technicolour pages with a cute lil robin by his side – there is a reason for this. the war. literally NCP said we cant be sending out dark and gritty comics to people dying in trenches so time to make it colourful and faintly ridiculous, and bruce wayne is a surprisingly optimistic guy for a man who watched his parents be slaughtered in front of him.

of course, by the 60s, NCP (who are also sort of known as NPP and really known by your average joe as superman-dc, based on their most successful comic runs) had realised their timelines were getting a bit squiggly for their golden age heroes, and most of them had been replaced out by their silver age counterparts anyway. so between 1961 and 1963, NCP start creating another “earth”, officially designated earth-1, which would become their main planet for all kinds of superhero shenanigans. the justice society of america becomes the justice league of america, and when you think of batman, you’re probably thinking of earth-1 batman. at least pre crisis. and, once they get taste for building whole new earths, we also get earth-3 (1964), or “opposite world”, where the good guys are bad guys, and batman is owlman and instead of the jla we have the crime syndicate of america.  

so sim, what other earths did dc come up with? well, i literally refuse to list them all because it was a multiverse and they did not slow down, but the ones that are most important to me are earth-5 where the only hero to live on this planet is bruce wayne/batman, and earth-89 where lois marries bruce instead of clark ahAHAHHAA. but i can tell you that pre-crisis there are 91 designated earths, and basically it could have gone on forever. there was an earth-c minus, earth-124.1, an earth where everyone was reptiles, honestly it was a MESS. and therein lies the problem.

now i’ve just used the term “pre-crisis”. what’s that, sim? maybe you’re not very familiar with comics, or with the recent dctv version of said comics, and so i will endeavour to explain one of the most brain numbing storylines that spans DC. also known as a retcon. see all these earths with their own histories and heroes and well everything really was becoming very inconvenient and meant a lot of world jumping and who can interact with who and everything was getting like spaghetti because they couldn’t calm down on the earth-building. so DC (who are officially DC at this point, 1977 babeyy), specifically a guy called marv wolfman (coolest name ever) who was sick of so many earths, comes up with the bright idea that will later form into a comic run called crisis on infinite earths (1985-1986). it was a serious crossover event, really considered by many to be the first of its kind. it sold extremely well, boosting dc’s flagging sales against it’s biggest rival, marvel. and as for the plot, it’s a bit convoluted but essentially some bloke turns up and starts to destroy all these worlds, and it becomes a race between the heroes and villains as to who can save/conquer the remaining earths that are left. although there are crises before and after this specific run, pre-crisis basically always refers to this particular crisis event, as it really shaped DC for the next 30 years.

for a while the retcon does an okay job of keeping the number of earths low. there’s still some earths that are considered non-continuous floating around, but mainly there’s just earth-1, which is now a merger of the most important “earths” that existed pre-crisis, and a way for all of DCs heroes to now be in one place and interact with each other. other earths at this point include;

earth-23 (1986) – a small pocket dimension

earth-17 (1990) – we don’t talk about this. honestly spare yourself and. don’t look. its horrific.

earth-27 (1990) – a historically divergent planet with a hero actually called vegetable man.

earth-85 (1987) – a hodgepodge of post-crisis characters live here, chillin

earth-988 (1990) – superboy is the only hero in this universe

the antimatter universe – all of pre-crisis’ earth-3 villains, including owlman, get shoved here for later use when dc need a couple of villains to come back.

and for a while all is well. then comes DC elseworlds (1989). which. you know. i love. it gave me victorian batman. pirate batman. caveman batman. vampire batman. frankenstein batman. terrorist batman fighting against russian!superman. they even gave me marvel crossovers, with captain america meeting batman. it was a glorious time. technically elseworlds is not considered canon, ran outside of canon as a way for writers to explore those wacky kind of worlds lost to the crisis, which is dumb because some of the plot lines are both hilarious and incredible. but the numbers started to get ridiculous again. most elseworlds are named after the year that the plot takes place in, so we get earth-1889, earth-1938 etc, but even more of them just seem to have random designations. i think by the time they reached earth-5050 they sort of knew that theyd fucked up again. we’ve had zero hour, we’ve got hypertime and kingdom come, and besides, its been a while since they had a good crossover, so by the time 2005 rolls around its time for crisis pt 2 (because dc love to use the word crisis for crossovers) or as it’s officially known infinite crisis. infinite crisis has an even more confusing plot involving a bunch of slightly nuts versions of characters escaping a pocket dimension, earths being created and then merged, and a rogue ai which batman made and then has to destroy because his own creation becomes too powerful etc etc. the only good thing to come out of it was earth-0, or bizarro world, because bizarro & batzarro are my babies. don’t worry though, this new set of earths won’t last long either, as in 2008 DC conclude their trilogy of crises with final crisis that featured one of the most important events in batman’s history – darkseid “killing” him. yes the quotations are important. i’ll leave you to infer what they mean.

so 3 crises later and everything is still just as messy as they’ve ever been and there’s 60 years worth of comic history being tangled about, and marvel had already established a very successful reboot in 2000, and anything marvel do, we can do better, so DC do their first, full and proper reboot. unlike retcons before it, which is where they retroactively try to fix what people already know and simplify timelines & earths, this is like someone shaking the etch-a-sketch and starting fresh. back in infinite crisis an arbitrary number was assigned to how many “earths” there could be – 52. and so in 2011, DC go hey that’s neat and create what becomes known as the new- or nu-52. heroes are given shiny new backstories, everything is streamlined and wonderful, sales rise, DC has a clean slate to build off again.

ha.

yeah that doesn’t happen.

this reboot, also known as flashpoint, due to it being spawned from another big ol’ crossover of the same name, shows barry allen trapped in an alternate universe where everything is not quite right – his mother is alive, superman is nowhere to be found and he doesn’t have his powers. worst of all thomas wayne is batman. yeah, batman’s dad is batman. thanks DC, i hate it. reverse-flash has tried to change history and stop the jla from ever being formed – le gasp. barry goes to fix it, merges three universes together – earth-0, which isn’t a bizarro world but now the “main" earth, also called new earth or prime earth (DC), earth-13 (vertigo) and earth-50 (wildstorm), but also causes 10 years to be “lost” to these characters. there are now 52 brand spanking new earths, each sitting in their own universe as part of the multiverse. no one remembers anything except barry. even for a reboot and convergence of DC’s franchises, it’s messy as fuck. and it goes to shit very very quickly. people don’t really like n-52. DC have cancelled everything, certain characters such as cassandra cain-wayne are fucking ERASED from existence, no one likes the new costume designs, its an absolute shit show and the plots get very confusing very quickly.

so what do DC do?

they reboot again. sigh.

only 5 years after the mess of nu-52, they produce DC rebirth, a new relaunch of all their famous runs. brainiac does some magic and collects a bunch of worlds together and magically we’re all going to forget the last 5 years of comic hell. it is a reboot to retcon flashpoint as though that never happened. yes, DC are actually retconning their own reboots. talk about sweeping it under the carpet. technically “rebirth” only ran for a year as a promotional thing for the reboot, before joining with the larger, now-singular DC universe, however everyone still calls it rebirth because if we don’t give these things names it will get even more fucking confusing than it already is. rebirth also still has 52 universes making up the DC multiverse, just to make things even more simple and easy to understand (DC what is it with 52. why 52.) although lots of the earths in this multiverse have been re-designated – eg. pre-crisis earth-31 was home to an aged batman who fakes his death to go train a bunch of new vigilantes (the dark knight returns), and now 31 is an apocalyptic wasteland or some shite. a lot of these earths were re-designated during the flashpoint/nu-52 era, and even though rebirth was supposed to erase that, DC have decided never mind we’ll keep it. there’s also 7 mysteriously undesignated earths – ooh spooky, they definitely won’t feature in the next major crossover. also for a multiverse with 52 universes, they sure do have more than 52 : there’s the microverse, a bunch of universes collectively called “the sphere of the gods” where apokalips and like, literal heaven & hell exist, an innerverse???, dreamworld, limbo, DC are taking the piss they only said there were 52 earths but that means they can make as many other shitty dimensions and pocket-universes as they please apparently. don’t even get me started on the source wall. for the most part the writers just. don’t acknowledge this and stick to the main prime earth. for the most part. thanks for throwing thomas wayne as batman back into the mix, rebirth.

so that’s the last of it, right sim? eh, almost. it should have been the last of it, really. and then geoff johns couldn't keep his mouth shut and produced possibly the worst comic in recent history, if not ever, doomsday clock. now doomsday clock is a nightmare for an impossibly long list of reasons that i won’t get into here because this isn’t a rant about why i think doomsday clock is the worst thing to ever happen to dc (although that’s a catchy title i should use that some day) - no, the reason i bring up doomsday clock is because. oh my god even saying this makes me sad. doomsday clock proves that the pre-crisis universes still exist and are still out there. somewhere. canonically. sim why is that sad i thought you liked everything pre-52. it’s sad because it means at any point now, DC could bring them back, ruin their own legacy, make everything even more confusing than it already is. i love pre-52 stuff but you gotta leave it alone. currently doomsday clock has only established that these universes exist as a way to honour every era of superman, because DC didn’t want to completly erase some of the incredible work and storylines put into him as a character. fine, fair enough. but it does leave the possibility that they will try and return to them too. comic book writers love doing funky story lines like that. they think they need to write something that’s never been done before and instead of coming up with something actually unique, they just poke around in the multiverse WHICH IS HOW WE ENDED UP WITH THIS AS A PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

ahem.

hopefully this helped clarify some stuff for people, especially those folks who aren’t big comic fans/expereience dc through the DCEU or DCTV, when encountering rpers who say they base their characterisation off of, for example pre-n52/flashpoint comics, like myself.

oh, and thank you for coming to my ted sim talk.

[mistrcssdracul]

Look who has returned home; it’s Guinevere ‘Gwen’ Bonny, a 46 old first mate on The Flying Dragon. She has been described as compassionate and tenacious. She has been tasked with watching over Lucille Blackwood.

//** hey so this is gwen and she is a very very very new character for me but i love her already so i hope you guys do too she’s gonna mother literally everyone on the island because she is just that kind of person anyway yeah here’s her intro

guinevere was born in a small town in the middle of england to a poor family, who worked five different jobs just to put food on the table for the hungry mouths that sat at it. gwen was one of three-- losing her eldest brother to illness before she could even understand what death was. her middle brother eventually broke ties with the bonny family, changing his last name and deciding to make his fortune by attempting to join the guard for the english royal family. gwen, however, stayed with her parents, working odd jobs to ease the financial strain as soon as she was able.

in such a small town it was well known that gwen’s family were direct descendants of the famous pirate anne bonny, and with piracy still running rampant, they were shunned whenever they stepped out in public. as a result, the bonny family became reclusive, never truly allowing guinevere to see the world for what it was.

being so sheltered in her younger years, when the family finally pooled enough money together to travel away from their hometown inland to a seaside village gwen experienced a good deal of her country in the span of a few hours. and once they had settled in a meagre cottage, she was actually allowed to explore-- but to tell anyone she met that her name was guinevere westwood; her parents had followed their son’s example and used a different last name so as to distance themselves from their ‘shameful’ heritage. still not yet a teen, gwen grew up in the village which sustained several pirate raids over the years, but the village was not profitable enough for it to become a regular occurrence. and it was there that the westwoods began to make enough money to live comfortably enough.

growing into a young girl of 17, always staring to the sea in hopes of learning more of their world, but eternally dutiful to her family, gwen decided that she would save pounds and pence here and there for a trip to one of the bigger cities-- portsmouth. it was nothing like london, she was sure, but it would be brighter and more fantastic than the rest the places she had been. on the day that she announced her trip to her parents, and her intent to find work enough to send money home, they were wary at first, but eventually allowed guinevere to take the risk.

with very little money and hopes of finding odd jobs to start, gwen soon found herself clearing bars for barely enough to cover rent on an apartment or to send money to her parents. the frustration fuelled her desire to find a better paying job, which just so happened to turn up at the right... or wrong, time.

it was a cold night a man visited one of the bars guinevere was working in, a smooth talker to say the least. his name was ernest, a charming man who complimented her every time she served him a new drink. the flattery worked, and soon enough she was conversing with him about her frustrations over finances, and not being able to experience the pleasures of life well past last call. it was then he made her an offer-- work for him, earn a comfortable salary and he would allow her to explore what life could be. just as last call was announce, ernest handed her a business card with her promise to call, he then exited the bar.

it was a couple of weeks later that gwen called the man, who arranged for her to meet him at his establishment. when she first stepped foot into the space, she was confused-- it looked like a regular house up front, but... where he led her, to the back, there were at least two dozen woman in revealing outfits. realising exactly what ernest had meant by a job. unfamiliar with anything to do with that sort of thing, he coerced her into becoming his newest party favour to show off to guests at his night club and brothel.

after some lessons, some teaching from the other girls, guinevere became a hit with ernest’s customers. the only problem, however, was that no matter how much money she earned, he would always remind her of the debt she owed him for giving her this opportunity-- with interest. after two months of working there, the night’s profit would go completely to ernest, as he now had her living in the house in front of the club. more and more excuses came up to take the money from her, and it took several months more to begin to dig herself out of the fraudulent debt he swore that gwen owed him.

it was when she was eighteen that a stranger showed interest in her while visiting the brothel, and he paid for a night with her. poor though he was, he had taken a liking to guinevere. unfortunately, it was a night that would change the course of both of their lives forever.

gwen was pregnant. she hadn’t a clue how it had happened, but the precautions had done nothing to prevent it, and now she was with child. the father came back several times in the interim, and she finally learned his name-- ryan abernathy. at first, she was too afraid to tell him-- it could only have been him, after all. most of her time at the club was spent performing dancing or stripping numbers.

eventually, gwen worked up the courage and admitted to the pregnancy. unlike what she had expected, ryan actually took an interest in the baby, and promised that he would help to look after both gwen and their child as best he could. when ernest found out, however, he was furious and demanded that the child be gotten rid of. but gwen, already several months along, refused, not only because she did not want to go through with such an act, but because she felt a bond with her child, no matter they hadn’t been born yet. sure enough, though, she fell into deeper debt as a sort of punishment for the accident.

as she worked her way through the trials of the pregnancy, ryan began to slip money to guinevere for appointments, bills, anything she might need to help throughout. and when the nine months ended, he was still there. with an agonising twelve hours in labour, gwen finally gave birth to a baby girl. and the moment she looked at her, she knew that her daughter’s name would be charlotte.

guinevere, though only nineteen, was over the moon about her child, and wanted to pour all of her efforts into giving charlotte the best chances in life. but she only had her for a few weeks. with ernest theats to kill her daughter with each passing day becoming more violent and no real way to care for a baby in the place she was essentially enslaved, she begged ryan to take charlotte-- to look after her and provide for her in a way that gwen could not, as he had a freedom she did not. still buried in ernest’s debt, it was undoubtedly impossible to raise a child.

the day that charlotte was taken away broke her heart, but ryan had promised gwen that she would be able to see their daughter again, that they would keep contact and when the time was right, guinevere would be able to reunite with her baby. that thought alone became her driving force, to work harder than before, to release herself from the clutches of ernest.

it took her five years of numb work, but eventually, guinevere had paid off every last penny that was demanded of her. free of those ties, she tried to reach out to charlotte’s father, but received no response. again and again and again she tried to talk to ryan-- each time, she received nothing in return. terrified at the thought of something having happened to both him and her daughter, gwen knew she had to take action; she had to go searching for charlotte herself.

it was by chance that a twenty four year old guinevere charmed her way onto a ship, which turned out to be full of pirates. but, unafraid, she declared that she would join their crew, and would take whatever job they would give her as long as she could travel. soon she became their errand girl, earning her place but never fall into such unfair debt. she began to rise through the ranks of the ship, becoming specialised in navigation, but their trips across europe only covered so much of the world, and there was so, so much more that gwen needed to scour for her daughter.

she hopped from ship to ship, using her experience and her charm to gain trust from the pirates. and as gwen settled into this new life, she had a faint memory of her true last name-- bonny. discarding her fake one, she embraced her ancestry and reclaimed the name. soon enough, she was almost nearly as brilliant a pirate as anne bonny herself. but she still had a goal to achieve. no matter how hopeless she felt, no matter that many told her that the search was in vain, no matter how many years passed, she never once gave up on the search for her daughter.

it was when she finally reached forty that she joined the crew of the flying dragon, exploring places she might never have seen if not for all that she had gone through. still, there was no hide nor hair of charlotte yet. she eventually earned her place as first mate aboard the ship and for her iron fist when it came to helping her captain lead, became rather infamous. on the contrary, gwen could be exceptionally gentle, and kind. but when a job was to be done, she always made sure her crew was working like a well-oiled machine. she had not lost her feminine wiles either, and always used them to her advantage when the time called for it.

with her goal always in her mind, she amassed a series of information about herself, her family, her history-- anything and everything that gwen wanted to tell charlotte --into a locked box, kept away from the rest of the crew, though it was no secret what it was for. all of them knew as good of a pirate as she was, all she truly wanted was to see her daughter again. she never kept her former job a secret, rather wearing it as a badge of pride, but was stubborn in her choice not to return to that line of work for fear of falling into another cage of debt.

despite leading with such dominance, though, guinevere was still as human as any other pirate, prone to all sorts of vices she had discovered through her work as a prostitute. cigarettes, drugs, alcohol... they all became terrible habits that gwen wanted to quit, but the pressure she placed upon herself to find charlotte always cut short any cessation of her drinking and smoking, even casual sex from time to time-- with effective protection, of course.

it wouldn’t be until four years into her time aboard the dragon that a rumour spread of a pirate called charlotte aboard one of the other tulach ships. dashed dreams suddenly ignited into a flame of excitement and hope like never before. filled with motivation, she immediately wanted to meet with the other crews to discover the truth. could it be her charlotte? there was no way to tell, no way to know-- and wouldn’t she be with her father? unless... she had been right, and a tragedy had occurred... perhaps ryan was no more. it seemed improbable that she would ever have the chance to quell her unbridled yearning to know-- until roman’s plan, that was. having commanded that the entirety of his fleet converge upon his island, guinevere barely hesitated in preparing herself for the voyage there and answering his call.

however, the reality is that the girl they spoke about could be any charlotte. there are surely thousands out there... millions, maybe. it could be a girl she does not know at all. gwen knows that she must try, must see for herself, must know. but, there’s only one way to discover the whether the girl is who she hopes she is... to meet her on the island, and pray that fate has truly brought her back to the daughter she has been chasing after for all these years.

some personality traits: compassionate, tenacious, authoritarian, charismatic, licentious, eloquent, dedicated, multifarious, maternal, generous, hard-working, domineering, innovative, sentimental, steadfast, demanding, powerful, seductive, fierce, intuitive, clever.

possible connections: past lovers, friends, allies, a confidante, new lovers, rivals, enemies, best friends, anything and everything. if you have an idea for a connection that guinevere might fit, just shoot me an im and we can sort out details!

[pomegranate-salad]

Pom’s Summer reads (as she was stuck in the hospital)

Hey guys ! Sorry I haven’t been around in a while. The reason is… I was back in the psych ward. Mental health is no fun. But this time around, I was so bored out of my mind that I actually took a look at the scarcely furnished, yet surprisingly eclectic hospital library. Which consisted of two shelves of donated books in various states of decay. But since beggars can’t be choosers, I went and started reading randomly selected books from this motley collection. And I thought it would be fun to make a reading list out of it to share my findings. I have terrible ideas.

 So, here’s what I read over the last two weeks :

- Mythologies by Roland Barthes

Genre : Essay – Philosophy

Length : average

Available in English : partially

 I had only read excerpts of this staple of cultural criticism before, so I thought it was high time I read the whole thing. This takes a look to the making of modern myths from a Marxist perspective, finding meaning in items as deceptively trivial as laundry detergent and haircuts in movies. This book consists of a first part made of a series of small commentaries, and a second part that takes a deeper look into the mechanisms and power of myth making. Some of the essays of the first part are not included in the English version of this book, presumably because the references studied were too “French” to speak to foreign readers. The references as a whole have aged (I had to google quite a few things, even as a French reader) but it speaks to the quality of the commentary that the thoughts expressed in this book are still relevant to our modern culture. You can probably find one of its most famous bits online, an essay about wrestling and the theatrical culture it illustrates.

This is an important and interesting book, but one that’s maybe a bit arid to read cover to cover : I found picking it up at intervals to read one essay or two was the best way to enjoy this book. You can of course also check out Barthes’ highly influential essay on the Death of the Author, but I also enjoyed his lesser-known essay The pleasure of the Text and his collection of Critical essays.

 - The Sand Child by Tahar Ben Jelloun

Genre : Novel

Length : average

Available in English : Yes

Content warning : explicit sexual content

 This was a weird, weird but pretty amazing one. Assuredly the best surprise of the lot. This starts off as a straightforward tale of a girl raised as a boy by a traditionalist father in modern Morocco as told by a storyteller on a marketplace, but it quickly devolves into several levels of metatextuality and dreamlike elements until story, characters and storyteller are interweaved into a reflexion about the nature of stories itself.

Aptly enough, this reminded most of Sandman, but also of Akira Kurosawa’s Rashomon, both excellent things of which to remind someone. This is also the rare reflexion on gender roles and identity within the context of Islamic culture. But most of all, this is all written with a unique style, as if the author was drunk on language ; it’s a bit hard to get into, but it’s also captivating at the same time. Of all the books in this list, this is the one I would reread again and again just to try and understand all its levels. If you like this kind of surreal literature, definitely check this one out.

  - Oyster by John Biguenet

Genre : Novel

Length : average to long

Content warning : mild violence

 This was a frustrating one. It’s not a great book, yet it could have been one. This is yet another story of rivalry, secrets and revenge between two poor white families, this time living from oyster farming in Louisiana in the late fifties. The plot is fairly standard, and narrated in such a way that it constantly gets in the way of its dramatic potential. The writing is I think the problem here, especially around dialogue and plot progression, making the whole thing feel flat. Which is a shame because when the book lingers on details of the life of poor oyster farmers, it can be remarkably evocative.

This is the kind of book I want to put in a shaker and shake to put each element back where it belongs. I’m not difficult when it comes to Southern Gothic : I will basically read anything as long as it reminds me even a little bit of William Faulkner and Tennessee Williams. So it was frustrating to see this one being able to conjure its own atmosphere while not sticking the landing with its story. If you know of any good modern Southern Gothic novels, please send them my way, I’m hungry.

  - The ghost in the Noonday sun by Sid Fleischman

Genre : Novel

Length : short

 I have no idea how much of a staple of children’s literature this book is, so maybe all of you are already familiar with it. Personally, I hadn’t read it in quite a while since the version we have at home is now missing some key pages. But if by chance you haven’t read this, please go invest an hour of your life into reading this funny, witty and earnest pirate story about a teenager who gets kidnapped by a superstitious pirate who believes he’s able to see ghosts in order to locate the treasure of his old captain who was buried with it.

In a just world, there’d be a cult movie based on this book instead of one of dubious quality staring an erratic Peter Sellers. This is children’s literature of the best kind : one that takes its audience seriously, is able to create an atmosphere and is still a fun to reread as an adult. This was kind of super-nostalgic to me to pick this one, but I couldn’t resist.

  - The Awkward Squad by Sophie Hénaff (and its sequel Stick together)

Genre : Novel – Crime

Length : average

Available in English : Yes

 I had to have read at least one crime novel in this lot, but in the end I only read two, since the other options were Mary Higgins Clark books and since I have a grandmother, I had already read those. It’s a shame that French crime novels don’t have as much of an international reputation as Scandinavian or American ones, since we do have an interesting tradition of our own : books mainly based on ensemble casts of motley characters, with a poetic streak and a sensitivity to absurdism. The premise of this series is that in order to get better statistics, the new policer commissioner has decided to regroup all undesirable police officers they can’t fire in one single squad, and make sure this lame duck unit doesn’t attract any attention. But some people from this unit have of course decided otherwise.

These books held pretty well as far as crime novels go, they are a lot of fun at times and read easily. The character work and dialogue are definitely this series’ best asset, as it is the case with many French crime books. If you want the best the genre has to offer, check out my all-time favourite, the Adamsberg series from author Fred Vargas, in order : The Chalk Circle Man, Seeking whom he may devour, Have mercy on us all, and Wash this Blood clean from my Hand.

  - The Three-Arched Bridge by Ismail Kadaré

Genre : Novel

Length : short

Available in English : Yes

 This was hardly a surprise that I loved this one : I’ve been a fan of Kadaré for a while. This is yet another of his books that explores the frontiers of reality and legend, superstition and magic within a fascinating historical context. Here, his subject is the building of a bridge in Albania toward the end of the 14th century, as the Turkish invasion is looming. The narrator, a monk, relates both political and mundane events surrounding the isolated region, as increasingly troubling phenomenon surround the construction site, announcing the troubled future of the country.

I do love my historical/supernatural novels, and Kadaré is a master of the genre. This reads easily while making a lasting impression and leaving you hungry for more. If you do, I can’t recommend enough checking out more of Kadaré’s work, his classic The General of the Dead Army, and my personal favourites The Pyramid and The Ghost Rider.

 - The Pursuit of Happiness by Douglas Kennedy

Genre : Novel

Length : long

 I picked this one deep in my “I’m fucking sick of reading, but there’s still nothing else to do” phase, since I needed something that would be easy to read and at least somewhat good, and old Douglas did not disappoint : this book might be almost 800 pages long, it reads in a dedicated handful of hours. This is primarily the story of two women, one who just lost her mother and the other who appears in her life after the funeral, apparently knowing a lot about her family, to give her a manuscript retracing her story. The portrayal of the main characters is realistic, both are flawed individuals with distinct stories and personalities, so cheers to that.

This is the kind of familial saga-that’s-also-a-reflexion-on-destiny-and-the-American-dream you never get tired of until you do. Don’t let my snide deter you though : this is a very good book, maybe just not singular enough for its genre. If you’re looking for something more particular, you can of course check out Steinbeck’s East of Eden, the metric by which all American familial sagas are judged, and Roth’s American Pastoral, which contrary to what you may have heard, is a weird goddamn book.

 - Allah is not obliged by Ahmadou Kourouma

Genre : Novel

Length : average

Available in English : Yes

Content warning : extremely disturbing and graphic description of atrocities in wartime

 A first-person description of tribal wars in Liberia and Sierra Leone during the nineties from the point of view of a fictitious child soldier. It doesn’t pretend to stick by its premise though, and dives into detailed record of the political climate, all while taking us through the daily horrors of life in war-torn countries. The extremely down-to-earth and downright crude descriptions are interweaved with magic realism rooted in West African voodoo and culture.

This one was one of my favourites, despite the writing and narrative bordering on gimmicky at times ; especially at the end, where the story seems to have exhausted itself and seems more interested in recounting the political history of the region. The subject in and of itself is fascinating (and this is a great read if you’re not familiar with it) but sorts of impinges on the main storyline and the development of its characters.

Despite its flaws, I can only recommend this book, especially if you’re looking to delve into West African literature as this makes for a good introduction to the genre. Be aware however that this book is extremely hard to stomach and triggering in about every way possible. If you do like it, I recommend checking out my favourite book by this author, Waiting for the Wild Beasts to vote.

 - Hymns of Hate by Dorothy Parker

Genre : Poetry

Length : short

 I have a complicated relationship with poetry : as in, I am fond of it and some poetry books have come to mean a lot in my life, yet for some reason I never seem to be in the mood for picking one. So the reason this chapbook got picked is probably that your brain functions differently when the world around you is an ocean of noise and agitation due to a little event called the World Cup. Yes, even at the hospital, the French victory was dutifully celebrated, so this was the best time to isolate yourself with some earplugs and a poetry book.

Dorothy Parker is an acerbic poetess from the twenties who takes a comical and critical look at society, which leads to what I’d call comedy roast as poetry. It’s not the most moving kind of poetry, but it will make you laugh and reflect on yourself a bit, as I can guarantee you’ll recognize yourself in at least some of the vivid portraits this book draws. Of course, since I read it in French, it probably lost a lot of its musicality, which is the eternal dilemma when it comes to poetry : would I rather have something be lost in translation, or in reading in your non-native language ?

This kind of impertinent poetry, even if it doesn’t get as much press as big romantic oeuvres, is still a breath of fresh air that puts a smile on your face while still giving you an insight into the author’s personality. The only poet I can think of that produced the same effect on me is Jacques Prévert. I highly recommend checking out his two chapbooks Paroles and Stories.

- Six characters in search of an author by Luigi Pirandello

Genre : Play

Length : short

Available in English : Yes

 So before you say anything, I didn’t know he was a fascist before I picked this one. But you do now, so feel free not to read this one as a matter of principle. That being said, this is a very good play. This is the kind of hyper-conceptual play that interrogates the relationship between characters, writer and comedians. The story is exactly what it says in the title : six characters imagined by an author but who never got their play written tumble into a theatre as actors are repeating a play and ask them to write their play.

This play has stage directions for days and is a little bit hard to get a sense of when you read it instead of seeing it, yet once you get how the whole thing works, the ideas expressed are extremely interesting. This reminded me of Ionesco’s works, particularly The bald Soprano and the criminally underrated The Chairs. The theme of characters escaping the grasp of their authors can also be found in Paul Auster’s Man in the Dark which, while by no means one of the author’s best works, is still a fun and meditative read so don’t hesitate to check it out.

  - What money can’t buy, the moral limits of markets by Michael J. Sandel

Genre : Essay – Economy

Length : average

 I picked this one primarily because it was the only one in English, and also because I like to periodically remind myself why I left business school. I ended up having a good time reading it, because it’s more about thinking the market than explaining it. This book discusses the things that money can buy today – cutting in line, naming rights, stakes on someone’s life – and whether we should be alarmed of this growing market mentality. In the true tradition of English essays, this book makes its thesis clear at the beginning and then reiterates its point through examples. This is completely different from the French tradition of essays, which starts at the observable phenomenon and then takes us to its core thesis through organic reasoning. This means that past the introduction, you’ll know what this book is trying to prove, and the rest of the book is more about illustrating the demonstration. However, each set of examples come with their own ethical and practical problems, and you end up being more conflicted than you originally thought. A fiery onslaught against capitalism it is not, but this has the advantage of considering market mentality from the inside and then wondering how it looks from the outside. If nothing else, it should give you a good set of arguments to shut up libertarians and their ilk.

  So that’s all I have today. Do tell me if you want me to make more reading lists like this !

[memories-are-mine]

The Pirate King

Ok so this is chapter 1 of my The Greatest Showman Pirate AU- I took some inspiration from pirates of the carribean but it’s not really based off it, but there are definite parallels So the fic will switch between focus on Phillip and Anne- with occasional pt and charity and maybe Jenny ;)

Summary: Wealthy governor’s son Phillip Carlyle has a secret, actually he has a few secrets, one, he’s friends with famed pirate captain P.T. Barnum, and two, he’s in love with Anne Wheeler, one of his father’s maids. 

Chapter 1:  (Phillip)

Phillip Carlyle left his house just before the sun set. He had told his family’s guards that he was simply going for a stroll, to look at the ocean for a while, maybe watch the sun set over the water. That was true, but he didn’t mention where exactly he was going to do that. After all, he would be executed for treason if anyone knew that he was going to spend time in the company of pirates.

He had met them by accident, wandering down to the docks as a young boy and literally smacking right into Phineas Taylor Barnum, or just P.T., as many knew him, one of the most famous of them all. If P.T. had lived up to the rumors, Phillip would be dead. But P.T. did not live up to the rumors. The “King of Pirates” may have been a liar, a scoundrel, and a thief, but he also had a heart. The way that he looked at his wife, Charity, who he called his “pirate queen,” and their “pirate princesses,” Caroline and Helen, would have told anyone that. He may have started rumors about it, but P.T. Barnum wasn’t the type to harm anyone who didn’t deserve it. All the rumors were pure humbug.

If anyone had bothered to get to know them, they might even like them. And they had taught Phillip a lot. As the only son of the governor and wealthiest man in town, he was more at risk than the average person from pirates, if they happened to find out who he was, they thought his life might be worth something. It may not have been a huge risk for him, the walls of the city were kept fortified and strong against pirates, at his father’s command, but it was definitely there.

Phineas had shown him the best places to hide, how to disappear into a crowd. He had taught him the rules, the code that all pirates followed. He had told him what to say and do if he was ever cornered. Phineas looked out for him, and Phillip was grateful. In return, Phillip had used his influence, and a bit of his father’s money, to make sure that the guards and spies around the city left the Barnums in peace. Phillip half wondered if a favor for Phineas wasn’t the only reason he’d done it.

Phillip’s father was known for being ruthless to pirates. Phillip smirked as he wondered what he would have thought if he had known all his son’s dirty secrets: that there were pirates living within his perfect city, that Phillip associated with them regularly, and that he knew almost everything there was to know about a world that he would never belong to. Doing little things to spite his parents was always something Phillip took pleasure in, especially considering that his parents didn’t give a damn about him.  

Phillip’s thoughts turned to another thing his father would not have been pleased about, as they often did. He thought about his love for one of his father’s maids: Anne Wheeler.

She was something, Anne. She may have been a maid but she was so much more than that. She was witty, talented, Phillip had seen the way she climbed things, heard the way she sung when she thought no one was listening. Not to mention she was beautiful. Phillip had met her five years ago, at the age of seventeen, and he had been head over heels ever since. He had never acted on his feelings, though. He was almost certain that Anne didn’t share them. Why should she? After all, his family treated her like dirt, this whole damned town treated her like dirt, simply because of the color of her skin. Phillip never had. Even from a young age he felt like it was simply wrong.

Anne had been wary of him at first, shaking off his attempts at even a friendship, but eventually she became less cold towards him. Phillip wouldn’t call himself her best friend, but they were friends, he’d even talked her into calling him “Phillip” instead of “Mr. Carlyle.”  

But even if Anne did share his feelings, there were so many obstacles in their way. Phillip almost wished that he could just get on a ship and sail away with Anne, that would make things a whole lot easier.

But that was crazy. Phillip sighed as the thought he’d had a thousand times before went through his head. He couldn’t just go and ask the Barnums to sail away with him. That would just make a mess, cause problems for everyone. Better to just enjoy the time he had, the fragile bond he’d created with Anne, and the friendships he now had with the pirates.

He stepped up to the door of the Barnums’ apartment in the slum of the town. They could have moved next door to the governor’s mansion with Phillip’s help, but the slums were by the docks, and that was where they wanted to stat. It was a nice place. One of the nicest on this side of town, but the best part was the laughter he could hear coming from inside, the smell of beer and bread.

He knocked, and the door swung open almost immediately. P.T. Barnum greeted him with a smile and a hug and moved aside so that the girls could greet him.

Charity greeted him with a friendly embrace. “Phillip, how wonderful you could make it,” Charity Barnum had always been a charmer, it was what made her such a good pirate. She could simply smile that warm, welcoming smile, and charm almost anyone into giving her exactly what she wanted. Phillip was one of the rare people for which her friendly, almost motherly affection towards him was genuine.

But out of the Barnum family, the ones who were most vocal about their love for Phillip were the slightly smaller pirates, Caroline and Helen. They ran to greet him, each wrapping an arm around one of his legs. They never failed to make Phillip laugh, and this time was no exception.

“Hi, girls,” he said with a smile, picking Caroline up and swinging her around so she shrieked with delight. “So, you have to tell me about your latest adventure. I heard it’s quite the story.”

Caroline, Helen, Phineas, and Charity had recently gone on an escapade to God knew where, but upon their return, Phineas had sent Phillip a message saying that he just had to hear about what had happened, with a promise that it would leave Phillip in stitches.

“It was certainly an interesting time,” Charity said with a laugh.

Phineas laughed heartily. “Well, we wouldn’t want to disappoint, now would we? Sit down, have a drink.”

Phillip happily obliged, and a mug of beer was placed on the table in front of him. He took a sip and waited for Phineas to start his story. Helen climbed onto his lap, and he adjusted his position slightly so that he could hold her and drink at the same time.

“So,” Phineas began. “I’ve told you before about Jenny Lind and how terrible she is.”

Jenny Lind was a famous pirate captain, and P.T. Barnum’s biggest rival. Except, she was much more popular than P.T. was. Her method of pirating was to give most of the money and resources she stole to the poor citizens of the nations. Something that P.T. did not do, in fact, he said that doing so almost didn’t make her a pirate.  

Phillip nodded. Phineas had ranted on and on about Jenny Lind, what a horrible pirate captain she was, that she gave the men of the sea a bad name. From what Phillip could understand from what PT has said, it was a rivalry based on Jenny stealing a mug of Phineas’s beer one time about ten years prior. He’d retaliated by stealing her ship, The Nightingale, before later returning it with rude words scrawled into the hull. She’d retaliated to his retaliation by stealing his ship The Bailey, which Phineas had named after his mother, stranding him on an island for two days, stealing all his alcohol and gold, then beaching his ship on the island. And thus their relationship was summed up.

If Phillip didn’t know better, he always would have wondered what there was to be scared of. From what he’d heard, it was just a lot of decently nice, slightly alcoholic people stealing each other’s belongings. But he knew that there was more to Jenny Lind than just petty revenge and alcohol thievery. There was a reason many people were so afraid of her. She may have been the poor peoples’ champion, stealing from the rich to give to the poor, but she was truly ruthless in getting what she wanted, and the survivors of the towns she sacked had told chilling horror stories. Phillip had heard them. Even Phineas sometimes spoke of her with a tremor in his voice, even though he tried to hide it.

He just hoped that she would remain simply the subject of the jokes and stories from far away. Two full-sized pirates and two miniature ones were about all he could handle. As much as he liked Phineas and Charity, he wasn’t too sure that he would be safe around them if they had been any different. And any other pirate would be much, much worse.

Phillip shook the thought away. It’s not like Jenny Lind was about to march up to his front door. Right now, she was simply a far-off laughingstock.

“So this time, I met her royal ‘Captain’ in a bar on a land where I was hoping I could get a good deal on a new mast, and maybe permanently borrow a few things.” Phineas always used words like ‘liberate’ or ‘borrow,’ Phillip didn’t know why. It made him seem like less of a bad guy, he supposed. “They make masts for merchants’ ships, there, see, and my mast’s been through a lot, and I didn’t want her breaking in the middle of a storm. So, I went in and there she is, sitting and negotiating with the man who was supposed to be waiting for me. So I go up there, and…”

Phineas regaled Phillip with the tale, with Caroline and Helen cutting in from time to time. The story involved a drinking contest, a lot of yelling, singing, and a spontaneous tap dance routine. Phillip was, as promised, in stitches by the time it was done. He was laughing so hard that he didn’t notice Charity’s face darken when P.T. mentioned the alcohol.

“And so he charged me more than he charged her for the mast!” Phineas finished. “All because he thought that her singing was pretty!”

“Jenny’s singing is not pretty at all,” Caroline said. “She’s so annoying, and such a bad pirate captain.”

“She sounds like a gopher!” Helen agreed. “And daddy’s a way better Captain.”

“Now girls,” Charity said, her smile fading a little. “What have I told you about repeating what your father says about Jenny Lind.”

“I mean, they are right, Chairy,” Phineas said with a chuckle. “She has about the voice that a gopher does if a gopher could sing. Actually, a gopher might have even more musical talent.”

Phillip laughed even harder, nearly doubled over by this point. He knew that he should take Jenny Lind seriously, but it was hard to when he heard stories like the one Phineas had just told. “That’s your best Jenny Lind story yet.” It took a minute for him to compose himself slightly, though the thought of P.T. Barnum, suave pirate captain getting into a drunk tap-dance off made that difficult. “I can’t wait for the next one, though I don’t know if you can top that.”

“As long as Jenny is ridiculous,” Phineas said. “I will have stories to tell. She will be ridiculous till the end of her days, so, my boy, there will be plenty of stories to tell till then.”

“Phin,” Charity frowned as she glanced in Phillip’s direction. She had been laughing while Phineas was telling the story, but now she seemed troubled. “As funny as it, might have been , Jenny Lind is not someone to take lightly. She may be irritating and petty, and your rivalry may all be in ‘good fun,’ but she is still dangerous. She’s feared perhaps even more than we are, and for good reason.”

“Oh, Charity,” Phineas said. “I know, but Jenny isn’t here, and there isn’t a reason in the world that we should be concerned about her.”

“Oh there isn’t, is there?” Charity’s voice took on a harsher tone. “What about that necklace you took? What if she comes for it?”

Phineas walked over to a nearby chest and opened it. He pulled out an unremarkable looking necklace, gold with a bird, presumably a nightingale, for a charm. He looked at it and shrugged. “What about it? It’s just another pretty piece of jewelry. I thought it’d be a nice gift for you. She won’t even notice that it’s gone.”

“Not if it puts you, or our family in danger,” Charity said with conviction, a little anger in her tone now as she glared at the necklace. “You stole that thing basically right off her neck, she wears it everywhere. I will not keep that. You should just throw that away and pretend this never happened. No necklace is worth that.”

“I’ll take it,” Phillip said. He almost was surprised at himself, that necklace surely came with a lot of danger. But he would rather that danger be focused on him than the Barnums. “Give it to me, I’ll give it to my mother. She’ll love it.”

“Phillip, no,” Charity said. “It’s too dangerous.”

“Absolutely not,” Phineas agreed. “I won’t have you put yourself at risk, especially not to someone like Jenny.”

“Jenny isn’t here,” Phillip replied calmly. “I’ll take it, get rid of it, I can figure out a way easily, know plenty of people who’d love something like this, and then you’ll be able to sleep easier. Let me do this, then we can just forget about it.”

Phineas and Charity exchanged looks, looking from Phillip, to the girls, oblivious to what the adults were discussing, then back to Phillip.

Phineas reluctantly handed him the necklace. “Hide this. Get rid of it tomorrow, do you understand? The less time you have it, the better.”

Phillip nodded, sliding the necklace into the pocket of his jacket. It was getting late, and if he didn’t go back soon, his family might start asking questions. “I’d better go.” He reluctantly pushed away from the table and got up to leave. “My parents…”

Phineas nodded. “Thank you, Phillip,” he said, opening the door to let him out. “Come back tomorrow?”

“I’d love to,” Phillip replied with a warm smile.

“Bye, Phillip,” Caroline and Helen chorused, giving him a collaborative hug.

He tousled each of their hair in turn, and gave Charity a reassuring smile. She still looked at the pocket where the necklace was concealed as if Phillip was carrying deadly poison. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nodded, and her familiar smile came back, though she still looked troubled. “Of course, goodnight Phillip.”

He wished her the same, and stepped out into the night, the necklace in his pocket growing heavy. The sooner he got rid of this thing, the better.

Phillip was on his guard on the walk home, more on guard than usual. It was good to watch one’s back when walking the streets alone at night, but tonight was especially important. If someone found that he had Jenny’s necklace on him, and word got back to his father…

Phillip pushed the thought aside as he stepped quietly into the house. He didn’t want to wake anyone, certainly not his parents. It seemed as though the house was asleep.

“Phillip?” came Anne’s soft voice.

Phillip turned and caught her gaze on him. She stood on the staircase with a load of washing in her arms, the moonlight from the window catching her curly brown hair, giving it an almost unearthly glow.

“Hello,” he replied, trying to sound casual, praying she wouldn’t ask questions. “It’s late, shouldn’t you be asleep,”

“I’d ask you the same question,” Anne replied. “That was a long walk.”

Sometimes it seemed that Anne could see right through the facade he put on.

“I -ah-I had a lot to think about, you know, government and all that, and the ocean seems to help.”

Well, it wasn’t a complete lie, but Anne didn’t look fooled. She looked at him curiously for a long time, before she turned away to head back up the stairs.

“Goodnight,” Phillip called after her.

“Goodnight,” came her reply.

Phillip was about to follow her up the stairs, find a good place to hide the necklace, when he heard the bells begin to ring. Heard the voices crying out.

Pirates. They said over and over. Pirates were coming.

[fandom-imaginees]

Peg Leg - Jack Sparrow Imagine

Fandom: Pirates of the Caribbean

Pairing: Jack x Reader

The biggest problem of all people is that they only see the outer part of you. No one wants to make an effort to see what’s in your heart, what’s your soul like. No, what is important is that you look perfect, it’s important how you dress, it’s not important how smart you are for example. And with this point of view on the world, people judge me based on my looks. 

I have a peg leg. I lost my leg when I was fighting with pirates to protect my friend Elizabeth. I was always a good fighter but I definitely wasn’t stronger then a guy who turns into skeleton when moonlight shines on him. He couldn’t be killed before the curse was taken off, but unfortunately before that happened he already harmed me in a way that I could never forget. How could I? I have a peg leg to remind me of that.

After the incident I didn’t want to go home, so Jack Sparrow made a promise to me that if I go with him that he will always protect me. And so I became a member of Jack’s crew, and his friend. Even when he didn’t have a ship, which is most of the time, I still stayed with him. He kept his promise to protect me and take care of me, but even he couldn’t stop the others to make fun of me, no matter what he did. 

Jack finally returned his beloved Black Pearl and now we’re sailing over the seas looking for a new adventure. I sit on the the deck of the ship just watching the horizon, when I hear someone talking not so far away from me. 

“Look at her, can’t even walk, all she does is sit and does nothing while we work our butts off.” One crew member says and I pretend like I didn’t hear him, because I know that he wants me to hear him. 

“I don’t even know why Jack keeps her, he should just throw her to the sharks.” Someone else says and I bite my lip, trying to not let their words get to me. By now I’m used to it but it that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It does, it hurts a lot. 

“It’s Captain for you scumbags. Now get out of here before I decide to throw you two to the sharks, and God help you if I ever hear you talk about her in that way again.” Jack shows up and I turn around to see him glaring daggers at these two. They quickly run away and I smile at Jack as he approaches me.

“You didn’t have to do that. I’m used to it by now.” I say with a ton of sadness in my voice and Jack frowns. 

“But that’s just it darlin’. You shouldn’t be used to it, it makes me so angry and sad to know that they even think something like that let alone tell you in your face. I would gladly kill them but I’m afraid I won’t have any crew left. You are beautiful and they don’t know your story. You are much better then any of them combined.” The pirate says softly caressing my cheek and I smile looking down.

“Thank you Jack, it really means a lot to me, you know, everything you do for me. You don’t have to but you still do, thank you, really.” I say looking up at his eyes and he flashes me his famous smile.

“I would do anythin’ for ya my love.” He says and I blush. I would be lying if I said I didn’t fell in love with the certain pirate. Jack is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is really sweet, protective, he always makes me laugh and he’s always there for me. No matter what anyone says, he’s perfect in my eyes.

“How about we visit Tortuga, that’s gonna make ya feel better.” Jack grins and I chuckle. 

“Yeah, that would be great.” I reply and Jack cheers.

“Mister Gibbs, to the Tortuga!” Jack shouts happily and I can’t help but smile at his enthusiasm.

--------------

“Take it easy love, we have time.” Jack says to me as we walk towards the Tortuga. I try to walk faster because Jack must be the first one to enter the tavern but he won’t go without me by his side, and I don’t want more comments thrown my way from his crew because of my leg and how slow I am..

“It’s okay, I can keep up.” I try to reassure him but he only narrows his eyes.

We finally reach the tavern and Jack enters, me following him. To our surprise there’s not many people, there only seems to be just one crew. Their captain looks at us and Jack looks around confused. I look behind myself to see that the whole crew is inside by now. 

“Get out! This place is ours for tonight!” The captain of another crew yells.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t see your name anywhere.” Jack gestures around and the other captain stands up and approaches us.

“I said, get out. It’s the last time I’m repeating it.” 

“Well thank God it’s the last time.” Jack sasses him and tries to move past him but the other captain draws out his sword and Jack stops in his track. Now Jack’s crew and the other crew all have their swords in hands and I can smell the fight in the air. I step back a little as Jack, too, draws his sword out. 

“You sure you want this mate?” Jack asks and instead of answering the other captain attacks, and so the fight begins. 

As the two crews fight I try not the get involved, but I see that my side is struggling and I can’t resist. I take my sword and walk into the fight. I see one my fellow crew members barely keeping it up so I run to him and help him. He looks at me shocked but I just turn around and try to see if anyone else needs help. I see one pirate swinging his sword at me from the corner of my eye and I quickly duck. I turn around and block his next attack, he sees my leg and he smirks. We continue to fight and just as he was about to knock me on the ground I kick him in the most painful part and he bends down from pain, so I knock his head against my knee and he falls down on the ground completely. 

The fight finished when the owner of the place threw us all out. Jack quickly runs up to me and grabs me by the arms.

“What were you thinking? You shouldn’t have been so reckless, you should have just stayed on the side.” He says and I sigh.

“And what? You know I can’t just watch, I needed to help and I did. Besides I’m fine as you can see.” I grin and Jack shakes his head. 

“Let’s just get back to the ship.” He grabs my hand and we walk back in silence. 

--------------

A few days later after that fight we were back on the seas. Currently I’m behind the rudder, managing the ship. 

“Move. Captain gave me the order to replace you.” One crew member says to me and tries to push me away but I don’t move.

“I’m pretty sure Jack didn’t say that to you. He gave me this job.” I say and the man becomes angry.

“I said move, you little incompetent, disfigured bitch.” He pushes me hard and I fall down. I feel the pain in my head and a second later I see someones boots next to me so I look up to see Jack. First, Jack helps me up gently and when he made sure I was fine and unharmed, he turned around to the man and changed his expression completely. He takes his gun out and shoots him in the leg and the man falls down on his knees, eyes wide.

“I said that if I ever heard someone talking bad about Y/N again I would throw them to the sharks. But you? You even dared to harm her AND insult her! Can you imagine what I’m gonna do to you?” Jack speaks angrily and loudly, the whole crew is looking at him, “Y/N is better person than any of you bastards here! After all she’s been through you dare to speak of her in such awful ways. You have no idea what she survived, what she’s been through. I can bet that none of you worthless rats would survive that. Have you ever wondered how she got that peg leg? No?! Well she lost her leg in a battle none of you would even dare enter! She was protecting her friend and she lost her leg! You only see what’s outside, but you never see what’s beneath all of the surface. She’s beautiful, kind, fun, she’s the best person you would ever meet if you just gave her the chance instead of pushing her away JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS A PEG LEG! You think that your words don’t hurt her? They do but she STILL SURVIVES! She has to go through all of this bullshit but she still wears a smile on her face. Only a brave and tough person could do that. She even saved your worthless asses the other day! She was fighting for you and you still can’t see that she is the same as everyone else, she can do things without her leg you can’t even if you had 5 of them. You dare to disrespect her even after she saved you?! Listen to me carefully now and take me seriously, if I ever, ever again, hear someone talking bad about Y/N, they’ll die in the worst possible way.” Jack finishes and I just stand there gaping at him. I can’t believe what he just did for me, “Now you two take this rat to the dungeon, I’ll deal with him later.” After that Jack turns around and takes my hand gently and leads me to his chambers. 

He closes the doors and sits next to me on his bed. 

“Are you alright love?” Jack asks me softly and I nod.

“You really didn’t have to do that, but thank you so much. You have no idea how much it means to me.” I say looking up at his eyes with tears in mine.

“Of course I had to. Don’t worry nothing will happen to you now, I swear.” He says stroking my cheek and I hug him tightly, letting some tears escape my eyes.

“You really meant all of that?” I ask, pulling away from the hug.

“Of course darlin’. You are the most pure being in this world and I have no idea what I would do without you. I’m in love with you and I promised to protect you no matter what, and this promise I intend to keep as long as I’m alive. I love you Y/N.” Jack says and I feel volcano erupting in my stomach. I don’t know if it’s because he said he loves me or because of his soft side for me, but whatever it is, I’m madly in love with this man.

“I love you too, Jack. And I don’t know how I would survive without you, you’re everything I need in this life.” I say and Jack leans down to capture my lips in his. I’ve never felt anything like this is my entire life, it’s the best feeling in the world. We pull away from each other and stare lovingly into each other’s eyes. Being embraced in Jack’s arms like this is everything I need in life. 

“You’re mine, and I’m yours. Forever.” Jack whispers softly, leaning his forehead on mine. 

~Alex

[the-tol-and-the-smol]

Sasata Sata - Lady in Red

The rowdy, energetic crowd at the Drowning Wench was both too large and not gullible enough for Sasata's liking that night. There wasn't an empty stool or chair in sight, the floor was packed with people waving for more drinks and more girls with less clothes, and the only betting to be had was on the several rowdy roegadyn sailors who had set up a winner-take-all arm wrestling challenge on her usual card table. As small as she was, it was difficult to get the attention of any of the harried barmaids to even get a drink in the throng. When she was almost stepped on for the third time by an elezen sailor attempting to dance while in a drunken stupor, she came to a decision.

There was nothing to be done for it; she was going to have to find a new place to hang out if she wanted to do anything fun.

Carefully weaving her way around the legs of other patrons, she managed to stumble out of the churning mass of people and onto the wooden walkway that surrounded the central tavern of Limsa Lominsa. Sighing, she put her hands on her hips and meandered out of the way of people hoping to force their way into the bar. Leaning on a nearby stone wall, she considered her options for entertainment as she idly shuffled her ever-present deck of cards.

There was, as always, the docks. Wawalago could be counted on for any number of over-the-top tales of conquest, either of fish or of women, and that was usually a good time for all involved. Sass didn't feel much like fishing or ending her night smelling like cut bait, though, so she ruled it out. She could go to Hawker's Alley and see if there was a game down that way to get in on. Given the Yellowjackets were still looking for a reason to haul her in, though, that was probably not a great idea until the heat died down.

Then  there was the Missing Member.

There were a lot of rumors about the pirate crew that ran the Member that were rampant across the underbelly of Limsa Lominsa – the Sanguine Sirens were reportedly little more than violent, angry, man-haters who would murder anyone remotely masculine as soon as look at them; alternately, they were all secretly a cabal of voidsent succubi masquerading as females of various races for the corruption of the city. Some whispers in back alleys said they actually skinned people who even enjoyed the company of males and made their boots and the red dyes they commonly wore and  from the leftovers, that the name of the small pub and restaurant came not from the lost crew members of the pirates, but rather an incident involving their captain and a would-be lover who spurned her. Sass dismissed most of the talk about town as the usual workings of the rumor mill, but the fact that she never saw a male in the famous red jackets of the Sanguine Sirens around the city lent some credence to the rumor that said the crew was at least almost entirely female, and that intrigued her. That, plus the fact that the head chef of the Bismarck itself once said their chef was giving him a run for his money recently and that the Member was actually producing some seriously delicious food. A decent meal may be worth the risk.

Gathering herself, Sass made her way across the square and crossed the small bridge to the Missing Member. Squatting pirates dressed in scarlet jackets and matching masks glared at her as she confidently strode across the planks towards to door. Sass could hear whispering in her wake, but elected to ignore it. There was no sense in starting something; she was heavily outnumbered and even with fatespinning, she wasn't going to do well in a fight out here. As soon as she touched the door, a hand shot out from beside her and grabbed her wrist. Sass looked at the hand briefly before trailing her eyes up the arm, where she eventually found the face of a masked hyur woman who had been squatting next to the door itself. It was obvious she was grinning behind her mask, and the pirate women next to her fingered ax hafts as the hyur spoke. "I smell a man. Where've you -been-, girl?" She hissed. The woman closest to her, a miqo'te, chuckled as she strengthened her grip on her weapon. She looked ready to strike at a moment's notice. Sass affected a lopsided grin and slapped the hand off her arm. The hyur's eyes narrowed.

"What do you care where I've been? It only matters where I am now, and that's going to get a decent meal and maybe a card game," she shot back, jerking her thumb at the red door of the tavern. She put her hands on her hips and made an exaggerated expression of disgust. "Besides which, smellin' like a man is better than smellin' like the backside of a chocobo with a bad case of the scours, which you do. Learn to bathe an' the world might like you more!" Sass finished, skipping out of reach of the hyur as her companions laughed. The hyur stood and shoved at one of the laughing women flanking her, who retaliated in kind. The women immediately fell into a scuffle, axes falling to their feet as they shouted and swung wildly at one another. The miqo'te pirate stepped in, attempting to quell what was fast becoming a dangerous scuffle in a precarious location, only to receive a punch in the gut for her trouble. She doubled over, wheezing, as the other two continued to fight. The group down the bridge looked to be placing bets on the outcome as they wrestled. Sass shoved the door of the Member open and disappeared into the tavern proper before the women could completely recover from the fight and realize she was the cause of the problem and not one of them. They could sort the issue out between themselves as far as she was concerned.

The interior of the Missing Member itself was fairly small, especially when compared to the Bismarck and the Wench. A somewhat cramped barroom with handful of fight-battered tables at best, a wooden counter that took up most of the space, a grill sizzling away in the background. The usual pub smells of smoke, drink, and grilled meat permeated the air. Sass smiled to herself as she mentally noted the small size of the place, remembering the one rumor about the lover who had spurned the Siren captain. Well, if that story is true, the size of this place is intentional and a great permanent insult to that guy, she thought. Of course, someone's gotta tell me that it's not the size of the thing but what you do with it that matters... she mused, stretching a bit as the door closed behind her. Nothing too special at all to the bar, from what she could see, aside from the sheer number of scarlet-coated pirates present, all of whom watched her entrance with at least passing interest. Sass offered the lot of them a small wave, which had the effect of most of the women grumbling and turning back to their drinks.

Sass made her way to a somewhat cleared and empty table, moving a few bottles and a plate into a stack on one side. She picked a chair that would put her back to a wall and her eyes toward the main entrance with the side door in her peripheral vision and hopped up into it, scooting it enough to get her close to the table. Even if the all the stories about the Member were complete falsehoods, keeping one's back to the wall and one's eyes on the exits in any Lominsan bar was just prudent. She waved a hand at the lone barmaid, a hyur who was strangely dressed in an elabourate maid's outfit who had been leaning on the bar itself, and the woman flounced over to her table. "Well hello there, welcome to the Missing Member!" The barmaid positively beamed as she spoke, her voice lilting slightly. She hugged a round tray to her ample chest, which was threatening to spill out of her uniform's low-cut square collar. "Contrary to rumor, we are definitely open to all people of Eorzea!" Sass cocked an eyebrow at that statement.

"I never heard it was private or anythin'," she said, watching the other woman carefully and judging her reaction. The hyur just kept on smiling. "Though I don't see much aside from red coats in here, now that I'm lookin'," she continued, leaning back in her chair and craning her neck slightly to take in the bar's patrons again. "I mean, there's that guy who looks like he might pee his pants in fright at the bar with the miqo'te who's trying to force-feed him oysters, but outside that, it's just me in a sea of red," Sass looked back to the barmaid, who to her credit was still maintaining the friendly server facade.

"Yes, we do tend to cater to a specific clientele more than any other, but I assure you, everyone is welcome," the barmaid looked at the small crowd of the bar as Sass spoke, taking in the other patrons. She nodded with some finality as she looked back to Sass again while maintaining the rapidly-becoming-creepy smile. "Now, how can we be of service this evening?" Sass watched the man at the bar struggle for a bit as the miqo'te, who was significantly smaller than he, held him on his stool with one arm around his shoulder while trying to drop an oyster from a half-shell into his mouth. She shook her head.

"Something with rum, I think," Sass mused, tapping her chin with a finger. Eventually she shrugged and fished around in a pocket of her coat. "Anything with rum, really. Hells, even just the rum by itself would be fine, I think," she chuckled as she slapped a small handful of gil on her table. "And keep 'em comin', wouldja? I got plenty more like this," she said a little more loudly as she tapped the pile of coins a few times with a fingertip to let the jingle of the money – and her statement about it – be heard clearly by the other patrons. Most made an attempt to feign like they hadn't heard, paying more attention to their drinks and their conversations than they had previously, but there were tells. A few feline ears flicked in her direction. Weapons were moved a little closer to hands. Fingers tensed and knuckles cracked. Good, got their attention then, Sass thought as she smiled. No one can resist a new face with a sack of gil. The waitress, for her part, nodded and turned on her heel, bouncing toward the barkeep while Sass spun one of the coins around before letting it clink onto the others again. She knew from experience that it was a mere matter of time before one of the pirates would get antsy and try to part her from her coin. All she had to do was wait them out, and the game would be on.

The waitress returned in short order and set a large, dented metal mug with a little paper umbrella perched on the rim that was teetering and threatening to jump to its death in the liquid within. Sass took it from the table with two hands and sniffed at it carefully. A smile spread across her features and she nodded her thanks to the waitress, who snatched a few gil from the pile and all but made if vanish on her person. Sass immediately suspected her for a regular down at the strange would-be “nunnery” at the docks. Many people down that way displayed that same dexterous talent, if not actual knives as well. She made a mental note to keep a closer eye on the distractingly dressed woman.

Sass leaned back in her chair a bit and nursed the large drink, looking for all intents an purposes like a child in the too-large chair with the too-large mug held with both small hands. If there was anyone in Eorzea who looked like an easier mark for a mugging, she had no idea who they might be. Maybe an actual one-legged child or something. A grin spread behind the lip of the mug as she felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder. She looked back, tilting her head to see who her would-be takers were, and feigned shock when she found three much larger women dressed in crimson behind her. “We'd like a drink too, half-pint,” the roegadyn with her hand on Sass' shoulder said. “You'd best offer us one, out of kindness, of course,” she continued as she tightened her grip. Sass squirmed slightly and put on her best Country Bumpkinesque wide-eyed surprise look.

“Well of course you can have a round! No point in not sharin'. Siddown, make yourselves comfortable,” she chuckled as the women pulled chairs across the bar, the scraping sounds of wood on wood filling the air as they did so. The roegadyn turned hers backwards and straddled it, parking herself directly next to Sass. Her companions took up the side closest to opposite and watched Sass carefully. “What're ya havin'?” Sass inquired as she waved down the barmaid again. There were various grunts from the three women, followed by a series of nods. The miqo'te of the trio spoke up for the group.

“Bring us a bottle of the finest, most expensive, most hangover-givin' alcohol you got, and charge her for it!” She prodded Sass' chest with a thick finger as the other two pirates laughed. Sass looked at the finger briefly and shrugged, smiling. She didn't flinch as the order went in, nor did she try to stop it. It was just another form of mugging, honestly, and if a person tried to fight these things, they always wound up the worse for it in Lominsan bars and Ul'dah back alleys alike. Besides, drunk, the three would be far better for what she had in mind.  The barmaid returned with a dusty bottle on her tray, surrounded by three more mugs like the one she had brought Sass. Setting a mug before each pirate, she smiled cheerfully. She picked the bottle up by the neck and looked at it thoughtfully for a few seconds before leaning precariously over the table to set it down.

“So they tell me this bottle here comes from the Admiral's own private reserve,” the barmaid said as she set it in the exact middle of the table, her fingerprints still evident on the neck. Sass was almost positive this was a deliberate taunt, putting the booze out of reach of everyone at the table. She was really starting to like this barmaid. The three pirates all but salivated over the bottle as she set it down, their eyes following it as if it were made of pure gold and they were Monetarists.“I've no idea how the bartender got his hands on it, but it's supposedly the meanest, most delicious way to kill yourself we have here. Rumor has it the last person who cracked a bottle of this stuff hasn't drank a drop of anything alcoholic since that day, and that she has been nursing her hangover from it for well over a year now!” She hugged the tray to her chest as she finished, looking to Sass. “I hope you don't intend to skip out on this bill,” she said, and though she was smiling sweetly, there was a flash of something considerably more dangerous behind her ceruleum blue eyes. Sass shook her head.

“Of course not! Who would do that in such a fine establishment, anyway?” Sass asked, waving a hand to highlight said establishment as she spoke. “It's just bad form!” She chuckled, tossing a purse of coins at the barmaid, who caught it deftly and dumped it into her palm, quickly pushing coins over with an index finger as she counted. Nodding, she dropped two back into the purse and threw it back to Sass before pocketing the difference. Sass sighed internally at the low return, but things being what they were, she was obligated to be generous. Generosity, after all, tended to loosen the usual close-guarded nature of people, and it often let Sass get down to what she was really good at: Taking a sucker.

As soon as the barmaid had sashayed back to her post at the bar, the three pirates had an immediate, short-lived scuffle over the drink, their chairs scraping as they all stood and lunged for it at once, their hands reaching across the table and slapping at one another as they each tried to claim the bottle first. Eventually the roegadyn won as she punched the miqo'te in the shoulder hard enough to knock her off balance, causing her to stumble into her chair and fall over it and land sprawled on the floor. Sass restrained a chuckle at that – they weren't even into the alcohol yet and they were already ignoring her and nearly fighting each other. The miqo'te picked herself back up and set her chair right, glaring at the roegadyn. Her tail had puffed out slightly as she pouted under her mask. Sass watched the women as they poured their own mugs of the stuff. They passed the bottle around the table carefully before it came to rest near the roegadyn again. The women nodded at each other and rolled their bandanna-masks up just enough to allow them to drink, but no further. They took mouthfuls from their respective mugs and rolled the liquid around a bit, tasting the liquor and nodding in turn as they did so. Apparently it had met their approvals. The roegadyn threw her head back and dumped the drink into her open mouth, slamming the mug down on the table and wiping her lips with the back of her hand afterward. She clapped Sass on the back, almost knocking her into the table. “Yer alright, runt,” she laughed. Sass smiled at her despite the insult, and the women poured themselves seconds from the rapidly emptying bottle.

“Well thank you! You're not so bad yourself, uhhh...” She trailed off, fishing for a name. The roegadyn belched and looked down at her. Sass noted that despite the larger woman's physical size, she was already having difficulty focusing her gaze. When this is over, I'm going to get a bottle of that for Shu, she thought. If anyone'll appreciate something that'll fuck up a roegadyn, it's Shu.

“Just call me Red,” she said, grinning drunkenly at the lalafell. The miqo'te, who had been drinking at the time, snorted into her drink and almost caused herself to choke in laughter. She barely managed to hold herself together at the comment. Sass blinked and raised her eyebrows, her gaze traveling between the two women. Her gaze snapped to the third person of the group as she slammed her mug on the table and pointed in mock anger at the roegadyn.

“That isn't fair, I wanted to be Red this time!” The dark-haired hyur woman exclaimed. She was somewhat odd-looking for a hyur, Sass thought as she looked the woman over, like like she might honestly be of some elezen blood. She had a particularly tall and lithe build, high cheekbones, and some injuries that made her ears look more pointed than they should be. Before Sass could consider it further, though, the miqo'te lost her composure entirely at the hyur's comment, and slapped her hand against the table as she howled in laughter.

“No no, I'm Red,” she spat out before she broke down in a laughing fit again. Sass just watched the pirate women do their little routine, each claiming to be Red several more times before the joke wore thin and two of them settled into their drinks again. It was fairly obvious from their reaction that this was the same name every woman but the captain probably gave most people. It made their deeds much harder to track outside the actual crew, and was therefore the most annoying thing they could do to the Yellowjackets. Sass appreciated anyone who messed with the Lominsan law enforcement arm; as far as she was concerned, the stuffed-shirt ninnies could deal with a bit more prodding from people for their hard-nosed methods. She rolled her eyes a little, for effect.

“Well look, I can't just call all my friends Red. How are you gonna know who I'm talking to when I tell them they won the hand?” Sass asked, using a little sleight of hand to produce her dog-eared deck of Sharlayn playing cards, fanning them out in her hand before squaring them off again and beginning to shuffle idly. The hyur with the clipped ears was suddenly very interested, her eyes narrowing as she watched Sass' hands work. She nudged the miqo'te, who had just managed to pull herself together again, and nodded towards the deck. The miqo'te sighed one last time as she recovered from her laughing fit and followed the hyur's eye line, sitting up in her chair. Sass noticed her tail flick a little, something she had seen in other gambling partners as a gesture of excitement from miqo'te in general. Sass continued to shuffle and riffle the cards almost absently, until the roegadyn cleared her throat and caught her eye.

“You really want to play against the best Eorzea has seen?” The roegadyn thumped her own chest, as if to say she was, in fact, that card player of note. She leaned forward, closing the distance between herself and Sass, and continued. “Do you even know what yer getting into here?” She asked, her voice nearly a conspiratorial whisper and full of implied menace. Sass grinned at her in response, batting her eyelashes a bit to dial up her apparent innocence.

“Well, I had thought it's a decent game of Hide the High Heart with my new friends, all of whom are called Red, here at this fine watering hole. But I could be wrong,” Sass mused as she stacked the deck of cards into one palm. She tapped a finger against her chin as if in thought and stared off into space for a few seconds. “What'm I gettin' into if that ain't it?” She set the cards in front of her and leaned on the table, lacing her fingers together as she  looked into the roegadyn's eyes unflinchingly. The other woman regarded her for a few minutes, blinking and squinting in concentration as if she were trying to read the secrets of the world's creation in the lalafell's features. The other two pirates stopped what they were doing and watched the pair, hands close to weapons and fingers subtly twitching at the ready in case of need. Finally, the roegadyn shrugged and sat back, breaking eye contact. The other two relaxed as well, and Sass sat back again.

“Seven Hells, if you want to lose the rest of your gil so badly, who am I to stop you?” The roegadyn asked. “I mean, at least it'll be a short game, what with you havin' all of two gil left,” she slapped the table and let out a booming laugh at her own assessment of the situation, as if Sass being broke were the greatest joke of all time. The other two pirates joined in the laughter. Sass smiled sweetly, her eyes twinkling as she sat back and let them howl at themselves. All three were already drunk, and they were rapidly becoming very cocky. Sass was still sober, having only drank rum thus far, and having taken but a few sips from her tankard.  This would be as easy as getting a chocobo to follow a cart full of gyshal greens. She picked the deck up again, shuffled, and set it in front of the roegadyn Red.

“Alright then, you get first cut. It's only fair that the best player in Eorzea get that courtesy,” she chuckled as the roegadyn pirate gingerly cut the deck into three small piles, restacking them in an order she chose before pushing the deck back to Sass. The other two pirates fished small handfuls of gil out of their coats, the miqo'te pulling a beat-up leather money pouch from her bra as Sass watched in amusement. Looks like pirates are just like every other woman in the city after all – best wallet's in the most secure place on your person, she thought. The feline woman upended the pouch and dropped a stack of gil on the table with a loud clink. For her part, Sass pushed the two coins she had remaining into the center of the table. The hyur laughed.

“You haven't even got yer cards yet, short stack,” she hooted. “Ya might as well be throwin' that fortune o' yours into the sea!” She fell about her own coins as she slapped the table in a laughing fit, almost knocking the miqo'te's coins off in the process. The miqo'te's tail stood on end and fluffed out as she scoweld at her compatriot in annoyance, carefully scraping her coins back toward herself and covering them with both hands to ensure their safety. “Well, deal 'em out, let's get this slaughter overwith,” the hyur finished, leaning back in her chair and linking her hands behind her head. “We'll have a whole two gil ta spend soon enough!” Sass smiled politely and knocked twice on the deck before picking it up and dealing each player several cards.

“My bet's already out. I can't change that,” she said, fanning her cards in her hand with a smooth motion. “What you bet is up to you, of course,” she looked to her cards and feigned a somewhat disappointed expression for an instant. The miqo'te caught the brief flicker of upset and perked up, nudging the hyur and grinning. Sass' outward expression didn't change at all, but she watched the two out of the corner of her eye. Setting her hand to one side, she picked the deck up and turned the top card face-up. Gesturing to the roegadyn, she smiled a bit. “Well? It's your bet.” The roegadyn moved cards around in her hand, her tongue peeking out through her lips as she concentrated on them. She finally nodded with some satisfaction, picking up one card from the deck and playing one of hers on the leftover pile. She threw her two coins at the pile.

“I hope you like losin', squirt,” she chuckled and leaned back, holding her cards against her chest as she waved a hand in the direction of the hyur. “This ain't gonna be pleasant for you.”

“Oh, I think it ain't gonna be easy on us, neither,” the hyur said as she picked up both of the face-up discarded cards and threw a different one down in their place. “This is barely worth doin', Red. The winnings ain't even really a thing,” she said as she tossed her two gil into the pile at the center as well. “Get on with it, Red, I wanna go see what we can get for two bits,” she laughed as the miqo'te nodded and picked a card from the deck, discarding one from her hand onto the face-up stack. Sass smiled a little.

“You know, my uncle is a chocobo breeder,” she said conversationally, picking a card from the top of the deck and slotting it into her hand. The hyur rolled her eyes at the over-the-top display of apparent bumpkinism. Everyone who wasn't from the city had a chocobo breeder uncle, an aunt who made special pies, a mother who sewed their favourite shirt with her own two hands. “An' he always says not to count on the racers before the eggs are hatched,” she finished, smiling and laying down her cards. First a set of two. Then a set of three. Another set of two. A set of four. The pirates' faces fell from amused to astonished to angry in no time flat as Sass went from a full hand to fully out in no time flat. The roegadyn pounded her fist on the table in her anger, rattling the mugs and coins a bit and startling the hyur, who jumped in her chair at the impact. Sass stood on her own chair to reach the small pot of gil in the center, and she swept it to her side of the table. She looked at the fuming roegadyn innocently as she sat back down with her winnings. “What? It's only eight gil... you can win that back easy, I just had a lucky hand!” Sass exclaimed as the other two pirates threw their cards on the table in disgust. Sass gathered them back together and handed the deck to the roegadyn. “Here, you deal this time,” she suggested.

The roegadyn shuffled, cut, and dealt a new hand, all the while muttering to herself about luck and liars.  As she fanned out her cards, though, the muttering petered off and she broke into a somewhat drunken grin. When it came time for bets, the ante started at one gil. Sass was surprised they'd tipped to Sass raised to eight gil and watched as the women confidently threw in eight each. The miqo'te was actually laughing this time. Apparently the cards had favoured the pirates this hand, and they seemed ready to utterly destroy Sass's previous win.

Or so they thought.

The hand played out much the same as the previous one, cards taken and placed on the discard pile as players attempted to make viable sets. Two of the pirates actually laid down sets of cards this time, though neither could shake their remaining cards entirely. They were closing on a win, the hyur slapping her knee and laughing as she pointed at her cards and gave the miqo'te a thumbs-up. When it came around to Sass for the third time, however, she confidently palmed the entire discard pile and slotted every card into her hand. The laughter stopped as she dropped two pair and three sets of three. Her hand vanished in an instant and she swept the gil pile to her side as the pirates swore.

This repeated twice more, with Sass' gil pile ever expanding and the pirates getting more and more irate at having lost to such a countrified lalafell. By the fifth hand, cards were being bent as the pirates clutched them in anger. Part way through, the hyur's demeanor shifted a bit. Sass took note. She's ready to drop, the lalafell thought, watching the pirate shift her cards around and get significantly less tense. It's time to put an end to this. Knocking a single knuckle on the top of the deck, Sass drew one card from it. She moves cards around her hand so rapidly, they were almost a blur. Then she lay every one on the table – including a rare run of four. She stood on her chair again as the miqo'te swore an oath to Llymlaen and collected the hefty pile of gil from the center of the table. The hyur stood just as Sass was sitting back down again, her chair tumbling to the floor.

“You cheat! I had that win in the bag, runt!” she yelled, slamming her hands on the table. The miqo'te threw her cards on the floor and pulled her ax from her back, standing as she gripped the haft with both hands. She stared Sass down, her eyes narrowing. Most of the other patrons in the bar scattered, having apparently seen these three in anger before and assumed the worst. Several ran out the exits, and a few cowered behind upturned tables. The barmaid had found a dagger somewhere on her person and was in a defensive posture near the bartender. The roegadyn pirate growled and grabbed Sass's lapels in one giant fist, easily yanking her out of the chair and pulling her face to face.

“She's right, this is far too much luck. She should've won that hand! Where're you hiding them?” She asked as her free hand rummaged Sass' coat pockets and boot tops. “I know you've been hiding the good cards. You have to be. No one is this lucky, layin' out whole hands that fast!” She shook Sass like a rag doll briefly, as if attempting to shake the cards out of her, before dropping her to the floor. Sass grabbed at her hat, which threatened to tumble down her face as she landed with a strange amount of grace given the circumstances. She straightened her coat out, fixing the fit of it, and began picking up the scattered cards.

“You told me you were the best player in Eorzea when I first offered you this game,” she said, not bothering to even watch the enraged pirates as she cleaned up. “I took you at your word. Apparently that was my mistake, because not only are you all awful at it, but you've got a temper that's unrivaled in the meanest of chocobo when ya lose. No wonder you think yer great; if this is how you behave when someone don't throw a game in yer favour I can see why people might do just that instead of winning like their hand suggested they should. And if there's one thing you should know about me,” she stacked the cards neatly in her hands and looked up to meet the fuming roegadyn's eyes. “It's that I don't take to being called a cheat when I'm playing square,” she said coldly. The roegadyn took a step back in surprise as she had not been expecting the tiny woman to stand up to her at all, but in the end she stood her ground. The other two pirates closed on on Sass from the sides, brandishing their axes and blocking her retreat should she have decided to make one. The roegadyn reached down and slapped the cards from Sass' hands, which sent them scattering across the tavern floor again. Sass sighed and rolled her eyes as she bent down to pick them up for a second time. The roegadyn pulled her foot back as if to kick the lalafell, but before she could complete the act, the main doors of the Missing Member slammed open. In the doorway stood a smiling dark-skinned miqo'te who Sass had remembered seeing flee the tavern earlier and a well-dressed blond hyur woman in a large black hat and fancy scarlet coat with her hands on her hips and a vicious scowl on her face.

“ENOUGH!” The blond woman bellowed. Everything in the tavern came to an immediate halt, faces peeking out from behind tables carefully to watch the dressing-down that was likely to follow. The roegadyn pirate slowly lowered her foot to the floor and turned to face the booming voice. As she did, her expression went from one of rage to sheepish apology. “What in the name of the Navigator's blade-hiding tits is going on in here?” The hyur demanded as she cocked a hip out and surveyed the damage. “I take one day to go shopping for supplies and you idiots turn my bar into a fighting pit?” She strode over to the roegadyn, who attempted to make her imposing form look small as she nervously fiddled with her shirt's hem. “So exactly what the seven hells am I supposed to do if I can't even trust my own crew alone here for a day?” The other two pirates who had been gambling with Sass lowered their axes and stammered, looking for responses that wouldn't get keelhauled. Sass stood up to her less than imposing full height and looked up at the hyur.

“We were just playin' a friendly game of cards, no worries,” she said, offering the deck to the hyur. The roegadyn, who listened with her eyes widening slowly, had apparently been expecting a far different story to leave Sass' lips. She just nodded slowly as if to affirm the story Sass told. The taller woman looked from the roegadyn to the lalafell, then back again. She sighed, placing two fingers on the bridge of her nose and rubbing a bit as if to clear a headache.

“Just...look. Clean this mess up,” the blond finally said, removing her fingers from her nose and looking to Sass. She turned on a heel and marched back to the door again. “If this place isn't ship-shape inside twenty minutes, I'm taking a share from the lot of you to pay for damages!” She bellowed as she stood in the doorway. The pirates still in the bar snapped to reality almost instantly. They set tabled right and mopped up spills. One snuck a broken mug out the side door and threw it off the upper deck of the city in order to keep it from being noticed. “And you,” she pointed to Sass directly, which startled her somewhat. “You come with me, we need to have a talk,” she finished, curling her finger in a beckoning gesture. Sass had no other options that she could think of, so she shrugged and made her way through the Member to the hyur's side. The hyur and the dark-skinned miqo'te walked in silence while Sass trailed a few steps behind them. They crossed the wooden bridge to the Missing Member and the public square just beyond, eventually coming to a stop. The hyur sat on a bench overlooking Maelstrom headquarters and the miqo'te stood behind her as if keeping watch.  The hyur looked at Sass, who had moved to stand before her. “What really happened in there?” She queried. Sass shook her head.

“We were just play--” she started. The hyur held up a hand to stop her and Sass complied, coming to a halt mid-word.

“You was just playing cards, right?” Sass nodded. The hyur broke into a wide smile. “For someone who was about to get pounded into a fine lalafell jam by one of my more rowdy and angry ladies, you're awful keen to protect her,” she said, her gaze diverting from Sass to the stars above her. “Why is that?” Sass shrugged.

“She just got a little mad she lost at cards. No reason to get her in trouble for that,” Sass said as she shoved her hands into her pockets and rocked on her feet a bit. “Besides, it's not like she'd hit me,” she giggled. The hyur looked at her quizically, as if probing her intent.

“You mean she hadn't hit you, or she wouldn't be able to for some reason or another?” She asked as she looked Sass over, trying to read her reaction. Sass smiled.

“Either or. Point bein', I wasn't in any trouble from the likes of her, so there's no reason she should get hassle for it,” Sass shrugged. She tapped the deck of cards and there was a small spark of aetheric magic from the top. The hyur blinked a few times at the display, then broke out laughing. The sound of it rang out across the square. She clapped Sass on the shoulder.

“You got more balls than most of the men around here,” she said. Sass grinned at her. “I like that.  Do you know who I am, girl?” The hyur asked, resting her hands on her knees and leaning forward slightly to remain at eye level with Sass. Sass nodded slowly.

“Well, if I'm guessin' right, judging from the hat and the fancy red coat, you're the captain of the Sirens. Rhoswen, if the rumors are right. Yes?” Sass asked tentatively. The hyur nodded.

“Indeed I am. And that makes me the boss of those drunken louts and the owner of the Missing Member, the bar that just got overturned like it was in a bad squall because of a card game,” Rhoswen mused. She looked at Sass and smiled. “You have some talent with magic if I don't miss the mark after that little display,” she asked. Sass nodded.

“I mean I wouldn't say I'm exactly a member of the Order of Nald'thal or anythin', but I get by,” she said, flipping a few cards over and tracing the images with a finger before tapping them once and pointing at Rhoswen, who felt an immediate rush of vigor and smiled. She looked to her compatriot, who nodded at her. Rhoswen turned back to Sass.

“You wouldn't happen to be lookin' for a job, would you?” Sass' eyes went wide at the offer. “We don't got a whole lot in the way of magic users; most of 'em can't hold their own against my girls and as a result they get spooked off. We could use the edge a caster would afford us, if I'm honest. And I like your style, giving the drunks a lesson like that,” Rhoswen smiled.

“You mean you're actually hiring me? Even after all that? Even though some of those people'll probably try to kill me next time I show up?” Sass asked, astonished. Rhoswen chuckled.

“Well, not officially, of course. Can't just have the person who just about turned my one legitimate business upside down and made my deck hands so angry as to turn their faces as red as their own coats just waltz back there in the scarlet this soon,” she said as the miqo'te with her chuckled a bit. “How about just, under the table, like? For some sneaky magic work every now and again?” Sass lit up like a firework in the night sky; her eyes twinkled with mischief.

“I'm in!” She said, punching the air as she leapt for joy. Satisfied with the outcome of the conversation, Rhoswen stood and straightened her coat. She tugged the hems and nodded with some finality at her work.

“Good. Don't worry about getting us a name; I'm sure we'll find you when we need you and call you Red when we do,” Rhoswen smiled. “It shouldn't be hard to find a woman who makes other card players so angry just by winning so often,” she offered Sass a small wave and made her way back towards the Member, miqo'te in tow. Sass watched the pair go, fiddling with her cards as a nervous gesture. Before the duo of pirates made it to the wooden bridge again, Rhoswen stopped in her tracks and turned around. “Oh, and find yerself  a weapon, would ya? No self-respecting pirate is ever without one,” she said as she tapped her side, where a longsword hung. “Get one and learn to use it properly. It'll save your skin in a close fight like that one you were about to be in,” Rhoswen finished as she turned around to cross the bridge, leaving Sass alone with her thoughts in the Lominsan night.  Sass inhaled deeply and let out a loud, whooping cheer, which scared some birds off their nearby perches. After all these months in the Lominsan underbelly, she was finally in with a pirate crew. Even if it wasn't official yet, it was something.

[ozsaill]

Caribbean cruising after hurricanes Irma and Maria

A stream of migrating boats attest that the Caribbean sailing season is starting NOW. The fleet heading north from Grenada and Trinidad, those taking the offshore route from the USA, and boats in the trans-Atlantic fleets. Yet questions about the Caribbean’s readiness in a post-hurricane season still swirl: after the havoc of Irma and Maria, what’s changed? Where can we go? Even for sailors here in the islands, contemplating their next move, the answer seems to hang just out of reach like a suspenseful plot twist.

Spoiler: THE CARIBBEAN IS WAITING FOR YOU. You can go now. Please.

St John, USVI, photographed THIS week by Yelena Rogers

I get that there is some reluctance. People love them some disaster porn, and the media served up a ton of drama in the wake of the storms. In fairness, it was ALL that in the aftermath: my first reaction after Irma hit was “welp, there goes this season for the Caribbean.” Total knee jerk reaction to the shocking pictures, and… it seems that I was wrong.

While rebuilding from the impact of these massive storms will take time, that doesn’t mean the islands aren’t capable of welcoming boats now: overwhelmingly, they are. Overwhelmingly, it’s safe. Overwhelmingly, you’re not a drain on constrained resources. In fact, the funds spent by visiting cruisers and charters are badly needed – tourist dollars are critical to most island economies!

It IS going to be different: know what to expect. Do your homework on destinations. I don’t want to sugar coat reality: there are places that still don’t have power, and places still don’t have water. You may not want to go there. Some are waiting for both, and more (phone service? Internet?), like Jost Van Dyke. Upscale tourism… not happening. BIG DEAL.

Mostly? The mantra I keep hearing: this will be like the Caribbean 30 (40, 50 ) years ago: before it was developed with an eye to cater to the high end of tourism. The new definition of “beach bar” is a guy by the palm tree with a cooler of beer inviting you to join him and learn about his home. But who better to visit, and put a few bucks into the economy, than self-sufficient cruisers who show up on our floating islands and supply our utilities, make our own water, generate our own power?

How do you know where it’s OK to go?

Ports & Projects is a brilliantly simple interactive map to answer that question. The tool was recently launched by the team at Sailors Helping (website, Facebook), a nonprofit that’s the brainchild of cruisers Victoria Fine and Jon Vidar. Based in Puerto Rico, they founded the organization to help their island neighbors after Irma hit, harnessing the help of hundreds of cruisers and other islanders. Under their watch, commercial vessels, private boats, even plans were coordinated with goods to deliver where it was needed with a speed and agility that the larger relief groups couldn’t match. But the bigger organizations have stepped in now, so Sailors Helping has a new direction to support the islands.

“We know the best way to help islands recover is to encourage cruisers and tourists to return,” says Victoria. “We knew that coming into damaged ports without clear information could be intimidating, so we decided to fix the problem ourselves.”

Developed with the help of Janeiro Digital, volunteer Jonathan Bingham’s organization, Ports & Projects lets you browse through islands on the map to learn 1) where you can go, and 2) where you can help. A solid base of information is in the tool already, and more is being added all the time. Here’s a sample of the page for Nanny Cay, on Tortola in the BVI. Remember Awesome Ted? He’s the boatyard manager there. We know this info is spot on!

Navigate the website to find an island – and then a port – and then the detailed information. For each port listed, there will be current access status. Information about the availability of mooring/docking/anchoring… water, fuel, and power…groceries… bars/restaurants…etc. EASY.

Where can you help?

The cruising community is famously giving. A lot of people have asked: what can I do to help? Planning for this, instead of winging it, is smart. Sailors Helping is building this into their tool by including project listings by port. Information includes:

The nature of the project (curated based ease of access to harbors)

Timeline

Skillsets needed

Materials needed

This information will be updated throughout the season – and cruisers who visit can submit their own reports to help keep them current, too. Here’s a snapshot of a project request on Anegada, BVI.

We’re members of the Ocean Cruising Club, which has used this feature to plan volunteer activities for rally boats after they arrive—so many cruisers want to give back to the islands they visit. (Side note: if you have questions about OCC, get in touch. We’re generally not joiners; this is a fine organization)

Pool’s open!

When we get the anchor set, Jamie usually yells out – “the pool’s open!” Well, hopeful cruisers, the pool’s open at the Caribbean islands hit by Irma and Maria. In October I sat on a panel for Cruising World at the Annapolis boat show, to talk about the post #Irmaria hurricane season. Preparing for that I had updates from folks who stick their heads underwater in these islands – people who dive for conservation, or for their jobs, or for fun. It’s not totally unscathed (that awesome Kraken sculpture fell over!) but reports are good. In the BVI, despite exposure of islands to the force of the storm, there are sites such as the wreck of the RMS Rhone that appear almost completely untouched.

Wreck of the Rhone, AFTER the hurricanes – look at that coral!

Want more info? check these out:

Association of Reef Keepers (ARK) BVI – has volunteer reef-check opportunities!

Saba Conservation Foundation – the good folks that are checking all the moorings!

Security

Were we headed back to the islands, instead of the Pacific, my #1 concern would be security. Are we subject to increased risk, in island where people are more wanting? The reports of looting in the wake of the hurricanes was very real. But that’s been a couple of months now – and everything I hear suggests the risk of crime isn’t elevated now. MOSTLY. So be smart: like you always should! Check the Caribbean Safety & Security Net. Look for updates on an island’s Noonsite page. Ask and read in island-specific or Caribbean regional Facebook groups. Talk to people near you who may have passed through. Get a pulse for where you want to go and decide…just like you NORMALLY should anyway.

Big picture planning

Here’s a little perspective. The HORRIBLE DEVASTATION PLASTERED EVERYWHERE IN THE MEDIA (well for a little while anyway): here’s how much of the Caribbean was meaningfully affected.

Right: it’s not that much, is it! In fact, mostly there wasn’t an impact. So here’s a zoom in at that corner, and focus on the hard hit area:

Skipping the Caribbean “because of the hurricanes”? YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.

It’s really not much. Blue dotted lines: I’d be checking these spots and considering carefully to pick/choose where to go. Green lines: lots of rebuilding happening, but not off the menu. Red: let’s give Barbuda some space shall we?! If places rebuilding make you uncomfortable with the decision, one option, really, is just to skip by a handful of spots. But a modicum of research will allow an informed choice. And that, really, is the only “hard” part about this Caribbean season: sailors who may wish to skip a spot might actually have to sail overnight now and again. NOTHING is far.

Info and resources by Island

To be clear, we have not returned to these islands ourselves. I’d like to, and it’s tempting, but our priority right now is to cross the circumnavigation track in Pacific Mexico before Niall heads off to college – so we’re Panama bound. But were we to spend another year in the Caribbean: I’d have no qualms. Here’s why, and where I’d look, to have confidence in the places we’d go with our family. If you have other resources that are useful, please add them in the comments or message me! I’d like to help cruisers, and charterers, feel good about their choices. After the go-to resources above, from Sailors Helping, Noonsite, and Facebook – here’s more on islands that hopeful visitors may be wondering about.

PUERTO RICO

Marina Pescaderia

Puerto del Rey Cruisers group

Culebra Cruisers and Boaters

Puerto Rico was hard hit by Maria, and many areas don’t have power. But key ports are ready for cruisers. PR is exceptionally well covered in the Ports & Projects site. At the southwest corner, near Cabo Rojo, we were happy to hear from the awesome marina manger of Marina Pescaderia (Jose Mendez) that they have power, and water, and internet. This is a perfect first stop in PR! Friends recently departed from here, and Jose helped them–of course!–with information and resources. On the north coast, friends in the San Juan Bay Marina and Puerto Del Rey on the northeast have similar positive updates. Puerto Rico has “stuff,” duty-free fuel, and I think is the friendliest stop in the Caribbean.

Sourced on Facebook – Playa Buye, PR, near Marina Pescaderia

USVI – St Thomas

Pizza Pi IV – famous Christmas Cove floating pizzeria opens Dec. 2!

Stormy Petrel & Pirates Penny – day charters booking NOW, and the captains also have a catamaran AirBnB!

USVI Cruisers and Boaters group

I’ve been chatting with my friend Kristie Weiss. We met in Isles des Saintes, Guadeloupe last year; her family is now living on St Thomas and went through both hurricanes. She took this picture on the beach behind Green Cay and says that right now is an amazing time to be in the VIs. “The green on the new growth is beautiful, the water is stunning and there are NO people!!!!” Who wouldn’t want a beach like the one below, instead of one packed with people? Moi. You would NEVER get this beach to yourself in a normal year… and by the way, the Abi Beach Bar just out of frame is open.

It’s not just the water that’s looking good. Here’s a view of Charlotte Amalie during last week’s Caribbean boat show. Photo by Phil Blake, and thanks to Marina at Yacht Haven Grande for sharing it.

USVI- St John

News of St John– wondering which restaurants are open? Latest pics? That’s here.

Poet’s Lounge– crewed charters. lost the boat in Coral Bay, but are sailing a new vessel from the US now! This awesome crew REALLY knows St John.

Sail Starlight– crewed charters throughout the eastern Caribbean, but well versed in the USVI

Coral Bay views are looking beautiful. These pictures posted by the Skinny Legs bar & restaurant (thanks guys!) this week:

St John’s relatively sparse population and light infrastructure mean a longer rebuild time. The good folks at Skinny’s know the scoop: “Anchoring in Coral Bay could be difficult for the unfamiliar. There were a lot of boats sunk in the storms and there is still a lot of debris out there. The outer bays would be better than Coral Bay harbor.” But they go on with the good news: the Coral Bay Yacht Club is hosting its annual Thanksgiving Regatta!  And – Skinny’s expects to open by early December, so you can get your fix from their awesome burgers soon.

BVI

BVI Traveller magazine’s Sailing Report–  BVIs smaller island updates for boaters

BVI Community Board– unvarnished reality of everyday life, particularly on Tortola, from potholes on.

Aristocat Charters– booking for January 2018!

Nanny Cay Friends & Boat Owners– hit hard, but the marina is jamming on recovery and taking boats now

The damage in the BVIs was meaningful, and where there’s a lot of development (like Road Town) it’s going to take time. But my friend, Tortola resident, and awesome blogger Brittany put it–paraphrasing from fuzzy boat show memories here!–“the islands are now green, the water is still turquoise, and the beer is cold!” It might be harder to get to the grocery store (but wow, it’s STOCKED), and you might not get to visit the iconic beach bars still rebuilding (Foxy’s, Soggy Dollar) but the BVIs belong on a cruising itinerary. You just might want to pick a different route than the conventional recommendations based on what’s most ready for visitors…like this boat arriving, THIS week, into Nanny Cay marina with the Caribbean 1500.

We took the pic below, and the one on the top of this post at BVIs icon, The Baths, on our daysail with Aristocat Charters. FWIW: the ONLY pre-hurricane pics in this whole post. Based on what I’ve seen in social media… they look JUST THE SAME. So go.

Sailors Helping covers the main ports: the BVI Traveller link above helps with details for the little islands. And check out the BVI Strong Flotilla events! They are organizing “Sunday Funday” parties: float in, swim, dance, drink, enjoy the beautiful islands… their regular events are at favorite BVIs destinations that look like WAY too much fun…and the Anegada Lobster Festival is coming soon.

ANGUILLA

For port info, see Sailors helping, but check out “What We Do In Anguilla” for current info on land. They’ve got a list of what’s open: it includes 34 restaurants and 5 groceries, and just makes me wonder… what’s NOT open?

SXM

Sint Maarten Cruisers & Boaters (SXM)

Daily Herald – island newspaper just announced the Simpson Bridge has re-opened!

St Martin / Sint Maarten has felt a little harder to peg. The reports coming out after the ‘cane were pretty awful. But in some ways, SXM is better situated for recovery than many islands: their utilities are largely underground, so easier to bounce back with fewer repairs. What’s not clear is what’s on the bottom of the lagoon and when it will be safe for anchoring. But friends in SXM visiting their boat this week (which survived!). The lagoon may not have boats anchored out, but dinghies are zipping around. Dinghy docks are opening up at Dinghy Dock restaurant, Simpson Bay Marina, Shrimpy’s, and even Marina Port Royale (although probably care required near the marina). Chandleries and grocery stores and shops are open, as are quite a few bars & restaurants – they are doing their part to partonize them.  Fighting the good fight, Brian & Rebecca!

I like how Rebecca summed it up: “Sure, there is debris and destruction but they are cleaning up, and I had a lovely swim at Buccaneer yesterday! I think if you can deal with minor inconveniences, and you love it here, come back and spend your money, that seems to be what is needed most!”

DOMINICA

Dominica Cruisers– FB group of cruisers who love/visit Dominica

Embrace Dominica– now showcasing 100% post-Maria footage

Dominica was our favorite stop in the Caribbean. It is heartbreaking to see how hard it’s been hit. There are two main ports for cruisers: Portsmouth, and Roseau. Roseau is the main settlement. If we were headed back that way, I’d anchor in Portsmouth, work with one of the great guys who make up PAYS (Portsmouth Association of Yacht Services), and do my best to put $$ into their economy. I’d check in with Sailors Helping on any projects to join, and ask with the International Rescue Group (a solid relief org that’s focused on Dominica right now) and see what they need or how we could help.

Want to join other boats to help?

Sailors Helping is planning their own Rally to Rebuild as a multi-day effort at sites across the islands in January 2018. “It’ll definitely be a work-hard-play-hard event,” Victoria says with a laugh. “Volunteers will be able to restore local homes and independent businesses. Sundowners will be optional but highly encouraged!” This sounds like fun! Dates and details are coming – sign up at SailorsHelping.org to get emailed details as they’re available.

Soon come, y’all. The islands are waiting!

Got more info, resources, whatever to add? Let me know in the comments or by getting in touch!

from Sailing Totem http://ift.tt/2zLPrdz via IFTTT

[twentysomethinginorlando]

DisneyQuest: The Indoor Theme Park

New Post has been published on https://twentysomethinginorlando.com/disneyquest/

DisneyQuest: The Indoor Theme Park

Once upon a time, Disney boasted what was almost their “fifth, indoor virtual” theme park. At least that’s what the guide book called DisneyQuest when my Mom had me researching the trip we took my freshman year of high school. It’s a bit of a stretch, but I can see how amazing DisneyQuest was when it first opened in 1998. Almost twenty years later, it’s more of a trip down memory lane than an indoor theme park. Last year Disney announced that DisneyQuest would be closing sometime in 2016 to make way for a new NBA attraction, but that date was pushed back to July 3rd, 2017. Jay, Robert, Victoria and I decided to make one last stop in to check out DisneyQuest before it’s gone for good.

Our first impression wasn’t stellar as the Cast Member at the door was so busy holding a conversation with the group in front of us we weren’t even acknowledged for about two minutes. The entrance to DisneyQuest is a cool concept but not very well executed, you go immediately into a elevator that takes you to the third floor, which is supposed to be the center of the building. There are five floors, and even looking at a map on my fifth visit, I still find it confusing.

We stood in the center for a minute unsure where to go, so I picked a direction at random and started walking. We wound up in the Create Zone which I quickly realized was a mistake. There’s not a lot there. They have the Living Easel, which involves point to color pages and stickers you can drop in, something any 90s kid is very familiar with. There is the Radio Disney SongMaker where you can choose a song and use multiple choice answers to fill in the blank to make it your own.

The last remaining Animation Academy at Walt Disney World is here as well, but you draw on a screen instead of on paper so you can’t take it home unless you want to pay for it. Not the quite the same as the one that used to be at Hollywood Studios.

On the same level, but out of the Create Zone is CyberSpace Mountain where you can design your own roller coaster. We decided to pass on that since Jay doesn’t do well on simulators and I didn’t want to ride it right after eating. (Yay lunch at Blaze!) The final attraction on Level Two is Aladdin’s Magic Carpet Ride which involves sitting on a bike sort of contraption with a virtual reality helmet on a quest to find the Genie. I’ve done it before, I always die without finding him and I usually end up with a headache. Pass.

We made our way down to the first floor, the Explore Zone, which houses what is arguably the best attraction at DisneyQuest, Pirates of the Caribbean: Battle for Buccaneer Gold, and one of the strangest, Virtual Jungle Cruise. At one time or another, all four of us have been Skippers, and three of us were Pirates, but Pirates is the better ride/game/attraction/thing so we started with it.

There was another guy in line for Pirates, the first guest we had encountered since the entrance, and the attendant offered to put him with us. None of us actually said no, but we were relieved when he said he wanted to go by himself. When it was our turn, they asked who wanted to be the Captain and we all awkwardly looked at each other before Jay raised his hand. She handed us our “Eyes of Blackbeard” and we stepped into the ship.

Pirates is essentially a small boat with a steering wheel in the back, six cannons and two screens on each side. The middle right screen was really faded on ours. The idea is one person, the Captain, steers while the others, the Gunners, man the cannons. The goal is to sink as many of the ships passing you as you can, and to kill any sea monsters that pop up, as explained by a Skeleton Pirate at the beginning of the game, in order to collect as much treasure as possible. This works much better if your cannons actually fire where you’re aiming.

One of the cannons on the port side (left) would shoot high off into the sky as far as it could even when I was aiming straight down. After you’ve sunk a few ships, the scenery changes and the Skeleton Pirate comes back, “One more thing about gathering treasure, you’ll have to fight me to keep it!” Suddenly, you have ghost pirates chasing you on either side trying to take your treasure. When you destroy the last one, the Pirate Skeleton says “Maybe you’ll make good pirates after all!” For the finale you are transported back to the original lagoon as fireworks go off. Apparently there’s a different scenario if you lose, but I’ve never seen that one. Then it gives you your score. We were not happy when it stopped on “Kings of the Caribbean”, the second highest rank. Resolved to do better next time, we moved onto Virtual Jungle Cruise.

Admittedly, it has been a while since I last worked on the World Famous Jungle Cruise, but I do not remember paddles, or dinosaurs for that matter. You get into a four person raft, and then the “water” inflates around you to form a river that you rock back and forth on. The paddles you’re given have skate wheels on the bottom so the ride can tell where you’re paddling, so in theory you can steer. I honestly have no idea if we were going the way we wanted or not. You start off sitting at the dock with Jungle Cruise boats in front of you. What already throws me off is I’m looking at boat names that I know belong to Disneyland, not Magic Kingdom, but Cinderella Castle is visible in the background. Then a Skipper, at least I assume he’s a Skipper but he’s not dressed like one, shows up waving to you as the screen begins to swirl and you go back in time, and he proceeds to drop the “gizmo”, leaving you stranded in the age of the dinosaurs. I think the idea is you paddle after it, because he starts yelling, “The gizmo! Get the gizmo!” As it floats downstream. I have never once caught it, and I am pretty sure we should have died about six times. We kept dropping over waterfalls and we were almost eaten by a T-Rex. We went behind a stream of lava and I yelled, “It’s the backside of lava!” Apparently no one else thought it was funny. After a while, the Skipper shows back up waving frantically to you as the screen begins to swirl and you find yourself back in the strange Disneyland-Magic Kingdom hybrid park. A map pops up on screen to show you where you went, and we had made it all away across. “Well, we made it pretty far, if that’s the point of this,” Victoria said. Jay answered, “I don’t think anyone knows what the point of this is.” We climbed out of the raft and left our paddles where we were told.

We then wandered back upstairs to find ourselves in a mix of games you would find in most arcades or Celebration Station. Jay immediately went to one of the games where the goal is to turn the lights off by hitting them as fast as you can and he wanted me to play too. Turns out, I’m not very good at them. After he beat me, I grinned and said, “Four player air hockey anyone?” We each took up a side and started batting back and forth. It’s a very different game than normal air hockey, it’s harder to bat it off the sides like I’m used to. We quickly discovered a critical problem with the game: my goal was the only one that would register when it was scored on. All of the others never buzzed or had the lights go off when the puck went in. So we played until I lost twice and moved on. I proceeded to kick Jay’s butt in normal air hockey before we tried the four player Pac-Man.

I know what you’re thinking, four player Pac-Man doesn’t make sense! It’s super cute. You each get a Pac-Man that’s a different color and it works just like normal Pac-Man except you bounce off each other if you collide. If you eat a Power Pellet, in addition to eating the ghosts you can eat the other Pac-Man. You play five rounds, so there’s no way it ends in a tie because someone has to win more than once. Somehow Jay was Pink and I was Blue, and I have no clue how I won.

Yay!!!

Jay went over to the DDR machine, but quickly decided he was too out of practice for it. I was highly disappointed in this decision and should have started recording sooner.

We made our way to Level Five looking for more classic arcade games. I was specifically looking for skee-ball, I don’t know why but it’s one of my favorite arcade games even though I’m terrible at it, and when it’s on free play it’s even better. I remember them being on the top floor at one point but they had been replaced with shooting games. I did find X-Men Pinball and Fix-It Felix, Jr., the game from Wreck-It Ralph. I am not good at either one. Jay went to play another blinky light game, that he claimed to have lost because the buttons weren’t working correctly.

It is pretty commonly known that DisneyQuest is not super well maintained. Annually, it basically breaks even, in that it doesn’t make Disney money but it doesn’t really cost them anything. I know first hand how they don’t always put the care and love they should into upkeep, *cough* Jungle Cruise *cough*, so I’m not exactly surprised by how much wasn’t working.

Robert and Victoria were absorbed in a Terminator game, but I got bored and went down to Level Four where I finally found a skee-ball machine. Jay quickly joined me, we must have played it ten times before Robert jumped in too.

We made our way through the arcade games. Jay stopped off at some Star Wars thing and Victoria and I gave a “simulator” game a try. Honestly it was more like a massage chair, which wasn’t a bad thing. Then we decided to head back down to Level Three to give the Mighty Ducks a whirl.

That alone tells you how dated DisneyQuest can be. There is a Mighty Ducks attraction: Mighty Ducks Pinball Slam. You stand on a giant hockey puck with a handle and control it by leaning back and forth so you shoot across the screen. We were the only four playing, and I thought I was doing pretty well. If you can make it past the goalie, you score 25,000 points and I did that a few times, but I lost to Victoria by about a hundred thousand with my score of 722,250.

Our next stop was Buzz Lightyear’s Astroblasters, though it has the same name as the Disneyland ride it is a very different attraction. These are essentially bumper cars with cannons to shoot the other cars. There was no one in line when we arrived and the attendant told us it would be about two minutes before she could get us on so she invited us to go play and she would call us over. Duffy and I tried Super Pac-Man.  

Turns out we’re not very good at it.

By the time they were ready for us, a few more people had joined the line. Which is good-more targets to shoot! She asked if Jay and I wanted to ride together or separate since each car seats two. Jay looked at me, “What do you want?” “I wanna shoot you!” “Well, okay, then.”

The attendant went over the safety instructions, all pretty standard stuff. Lever for forwards and backwards, pedal and steering wheel in the Pilot seat, ammo between the seats and the cannon in the Gunner seat.

Shot from inside the vehicle.

Since we were riding by ourselves we had to sit in the Pilot seats and reach for the cannon. If you hit another car in the right spot, it would cause them to spin out of control for about ten seconds. Seems easy, right? Not if you’re trying to do both. I kept having to stop to load the cannon! It was still a ton of fun and I know I shot at least Robert once in addition to a couple of the other random people. I missed when I tried to shoot Jay, but I only got hit once so that’s something.

We wandered back down to Level One. Robert and Victoria found some sort of pirate shooting game which was going great until Robert wandered off because he thought it was done and there was another level. I jumped in to help, but I probably would have been more help if I had realized I was pink from the start instead of blue. Video games really are not my thing. Jay finished his game on Temple Run and stepped in to take over for me when I almost got us killed.

Then we decided to take another shot at Pirates since there was still no wait. Robert was the captain this time, and we got a different ship. From the start it went better than our first try. All of the screens were bright, and the cannons actually went where you aimed them. We started out strategically dividing up the cannons but once it started, we were jumping all over the place to get the best angle on whatever we were shooting. Robert did a much better job of steering us so we had things to aim at, and we even fired on some of the forts. We beat the Skeleton Pirate for a second time and this time were declared “Masters of the High Seas”.

There sadly was no way to make the camera go through the Eyes of Blackbeard 3D goggles.

We walked out of Pirates and debated if there was anything left we wanted to do. We all agreed we were good and Victoria laughed. “I knew we weren’t leaving until we got the top score on Pirates.” So we headed back out to Disney Springs.

I wish I had seen DisneyQuest in the early 2000s, when I’m sure it was at its peak with state of the art technology and immersion. That being said, I’m really not that sad it’s closing. It’s fun to do every so often, but it makes me sad to think of people who are here for a once in a lifetime visit playing arcade games that aren’t working properly. I hope the new NBA attraction is better maintained.

Cost: $47.93 at the gate. They usually have a half price special after 5 pm.

Duration: 2-4+ hours. We there about two and a half hours, but it was deserted. It gets more crowded later in the day so the lines get longer.

Value: If you’ve never done it, do it once before it’s gone for good on July 3rd, 2017. It is a really cool piece of Disney history.

Add Ons: You can purchase a print of your drawing at the Animation Academy or the CD of your song.