#but how am i supposed to pretend this is a good friendship when its so obvious to see it isn't

[keisgirl]

lowk really bad so no title

tsukishima kei x reader, angst

you already knew how this would end.

you told yourself from the start that loving tsukishima kei was dangerous, like standing at the edge of a cliff, toes curled over the sharp drop.

but you stepped forward anyway, convinced that maybe, just maybe, you could learn how to fly before you hit the ground.

and now, the ground is closer than ever.

because every glance, every quiet laugh, every moment of his undivided attention feels like a rope tying you to him, tighter and tighter.

but ropes fray, don’t they? and sooner or later, the weight of your feelings will be too much for him to hold.

and when that happens, what will be left of you?

“he likes talking to you, you know,” yamaguchi says one day, his voice soft but the words cutting deep.

you freeze mid-step, your heart skipping a beat. “kei said that?”

“yeah,” yamaguchi says, smiling like he’s just delivered the best news of your life. “he said you’re easy to talk to, that you’re different.”

your chest tightens, hope clawing its way out of the dark corner where you’ve kept it locked away.

but yamaguchi’s smile fades, and you know the worst part is coming.

“he also said he’s not sure if he’s looking for anything right now,” he adds, his tone cautious.

the words hit harder than you expected, knocking the breath from your lungs. you manage a weak smile, nodding like it doesn’t matter. “oh. that’s...yeah, that’s fine.”

but it’s not fine.

it’s anything but fine.

you try to convince yourself that nothing’s changed. that yamaguchi’s words don’t mean anything.

but you notice everything now—the way tsukishima’s gaze lingers on you sometimes, but never for too long.

the way he sits a little closer than necessary, but not close enough for it to mean anything.

and the way he says your name, like it’s a melody he can’t get out of his head, but one he’s too afraid to sing out loud.

it’s maddening, this constant push and pull, this fragile line between friendship and something more.

and it leaves you wondering: am i crazy for thinking there’s something here? or am i crazy for holding on to the idea of it?

one day, you overhear him talking to yamaguchi in the hallway.

“she’s been texting me a lot,” tsukishima says, his voice as flat as ever.

“do you like her?” yamaguchi asks, his tone hesitant.

tsukishima pauses, and for a moment, you swear the world holds its breath.

“i don’t know,” he says finally. “i don’t think i’m looking for anything right now.”

you turn away before you can hear more, your chest burning with the weight of unspoken words.

what am i supposed to do with this?

you start pulling away after that.

not all at once—because that would be too obvious, and you can’t bear the thought of him knowing how much you’re hurting.

instead, it’s little by little. fewer texts. shorter conversations. more space.

and if tsukishima notices, he doesn’t say anything.

at least, not at first.

“are you avoiding me?” he asks one day, his voice sharp and cutting straight to the point.

“no,” you lie, forcing yourself to meet his gaze.

he narrows his eyes, clearly unconvinced. “then what’s your problem?”

“i don’t have a problem,” you say, your voice wavering.

“you do,” he counters, stepping closer. “just tell me.”

you swallow hard, the words caught in your throat. you want to scream, to tell him everything, to make him understand how much this hurts.

but you can’t. because what good would it do?

“it’s nothing,” you whisper, your voice breaking.

“it’s not nothing,” he snaps, his frustration bleeding through. “you’ve been different. what changed?”

“you said you’re not looking for anything,” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. “so what’s the point?”

his eyes widen, just for a moment, before his expression hardens. “what’s the point of what?”

“of this!” you say, your voice rising. “of me sticking around, pretending like i’m okay with just being friends when i’m not!”

the words hang in the air, heavy and suffocating.

“i never asked you to feel that way,” he says finally, his voice cold.

and just like that, the fragile thread holding you together snaps.

“you’re right,” you say, your voice trembling. “you didn’t. so maybe it’s better if i stop.”

his expression flickers—shock, confusion, something you can’t quite name—but he doesn’t stop you as you turn and walk away.

and maybe that’s what hurts the most.

the days that follow are quiet, too quiet.

you still see him in class, but the space between you feels insurmountable now, like an invisible wall you can’t break through.

you wonder if he misses you, even just a little.

but then you remember the way he said, “i’m not looking for anything,” and you know the answer.

one night, you get a text from him.

kei; we need to talk.

your hands shake as you stare at the screen, a mix of hope and dread twisting in your chest.

but when you meet him, he doesn’t say the words you desperately want to hear.

“i don’t want to lose you as a friend,” he says instead, his voice quieter than usual.

and you realize, with a sinking feeling, that this is his version of letting you down easy.

“yeah,” you say, forcing a smile that doesn’t even come close to reaching your eyes. “me neither.”

but it’s a lie. because being his friend will never be enough.

when you go home that night, you collapse onto your bed, tears streaming down your face as the weight of it all crashes over you.

you wonder how long it’ll take for this pain to fade, or if it ever will.

and as you stare at the ceiling, your chest aching with the force of unspoken love, you whisper into the empty room:

“i don’t want to get too attached.”

but it’s too late.

you already have.

[bloobluebloo]

Got any hot 'TotK Rauru sucks and is bad' takes today? I keep seeing screenshots and art where he's looking all kindly and wise and am in the mood to see him roasted by one of Ganondorf's strongest soldiers.

Why thank you. As a professional Ganondorf spokesperson I am also a professional Rauru hater! This is true and factual as you must know.

-Rauru amputates Link's arm and replaces it with his arm without Link's consent, and then ALSO takes it away without Link's consent! What if he wanted to keep the ultrahand capabilities huh? What is up with that? Why does Rauru get to call the shots without asking?

-Rauru KNOWS about puppet Zelda and Ganondorf and does not even give Link A CLUE. "Oh, but if he tells you then there's no mystery to the game". Oh I'm sorry, it's not as if you find out very quickly who puppet Zelda is and then have to proceed spending the rest of the game pretending like you have noooooo idea why Zelda is acting so weird.

-How dare Rauru pretend he "passed on" when it is very clear that he didn't. YOU passed on YOUR problem to us and gave us your stupid arm so why not make yourself useful and be a companion! Afraid to face the guy you stuck your fingers in goatman?

-"Rauru was such a good dad to Zelda." Why, because he didn't directly berate her? When Zelda told him about her concern with Ganondorf his answer was "Oh I know he's evil so I will keep him close" and then dismissed the issue. Bitch this girl came from the FUTURE this is literally an OMEN. Do you not believe her concern to be serious???? Zelda is a ruler and respected in her own right yet in this Hyrule she was still relegated to "young naive princess who shouldn't worry about such things".

-"But isn't it kind of Rauru to remove that burden from her shoulders-" NO? She isn't a little girl who needs to be shielded! She just spent 100 years holding back the Calamity! She has gotten a golden opportunity to save her kingdom by killing its problem at the source! Treating her like a delicate tired woman who should rest when she is a leader, someone who put her own life on the line for a century and wants to save her kingdom is infantilizing and condescending actually.

-Also, why wasn't he there when Sonia and Zelda confronted Ganondorf? That either tells me he can't be bothered with this man OR that Zelda knew she had to take matters into her own hands and convinced Sonia to help her.

-The Rauru going off on hunts and needing Sonia to pull him back to his kingly duties pissed me off so bad. Dude, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE UP THIS KINGDOM??? If you don't enjoy kingly duties don't make a stupid kingdom!

-People should really question why Rauru had military fortifications so close to Gerudo territory because remember, molduga can only travel through sand! People want to pretend that Ganondorf attacked completely unprovoked but if someone was building military fortifications along my borders while continuously sending me invitations to join this new kingdom I would, indeed, feel threatened. Peace? My ass Rauru it was "do it or else".

-Also, Rauru, it is actually really weird to send multiple invitations to another king, who has a kingdom, not to negotiate an alliance of equality but to demand fealty. Like that's another sovereign nation dude, you can't just have it because you are god's favorite child or whatever.

-"But Rauru was offering protection to those who joined Hyrule". Proetction from who??? If you have to make up a headcanon to justify this then it means that there is no reason given in game. I suppose the protection is from Rauru himself because you run the risk of being blasted by a laser if you don't kneel for Hyrule.

-Why is it that Ganondorf had enough ambition as a king to become so powerful with the secret stone that he could take on 7 secret stone wielders but Rauru, god's favorite child, a big fan of the power of light and friendship, and so concerned about bringing peace to Hyrule, could not do the same? I suppose he wasn't THAT committed to his vision of Hyrule. Call Ganondorf whatever you want, but he knew what he wanted and believed it deeply and the secret stone reflected that.

-WHY DID HE DOXX LINK LIKE THAT IS SUCH A NAIVE STUPID AND ASSHOLE MOVE!!!! KEEP YOUR ENEMIES IN THE DARK IDIOT!!!!

We love and stan an incompetent, quirky, naive king because those qualities are innocent! That's how this works right.

[that-smallinjured-bowylamb]

I Want To Love, But I'm Afraid It'll End Badly.

A/n: Nope, not an x reader, this is for my Indulgence... a many possible ships if you will. Yes, I'm shipping, and yes I am multi-shipping. But none of them had been confirmed to be a true ship, since my OC is insecure and this world [I'm talking abt OUR real world] corrupted her sm that she really can't trust herself to love someone. And the staff are platonic. 🎀🪽 and if your asking how many yumeshipping there is in here... uhh, idk. And if you wanna know what this is all about, it's just her everyday life thing and her dynamics with TWST characters. Oh, and meet her, uhm... old ex crush/friend/boyfriend... (<- trust me, he's much more worse in the original story, where "Fia" haven't went to TWST he's a lot more worse than who he is now since they aren't in an actual 'relationship'...)

Warning ⚠️: Tyron is his own warning, implications of a toxic relationship, angst(?), comfort(?), OC is very depressed (bc she came from the real world), vague mentions of trauma (internalized fear of men, and whatnot), "Fia" is slightlyyy delusional, but since it's a self-ship (and multi) I'll pretend everyone likes her (but vaguely), mentions of her g[[r]]apist, nudity (but nothing sexual), insecurity, jealousy, bro I don't even know how to warn you with the fact there is so many problems going on with her so I'm stating the simple ones since the complex ones are hard to list, idk I just like the fact that they're pining, no actual confessions (more like cockblocks LMAO), self-ship (insert?), bro is it insane for me to say idk how to write my own OC? I hope not, OOC(?), I'm absolutely bullshitting at the fact I don't know how to self-indulge here without it being OOC, if you don't know who this OC is she's my Yuume, if it gets confusing it is because we are in "Fia"'s perspective [<-or how she views the reality around her], Fia Rodriguez is different every time she switches forms, shit gets confusing even I don't know what the hell I'm writing, if you see your fav twst character in here, it is just the wind 🙏, use of "girl" and "prefect" since idk what to call her.

P.s: if you do not know "perspective" in this fic, it basically means how she sees it, no its not in first POV it's actually how she perceives the world. So I'm not using "I" or "me" since it isn't confirmed to be first POV. Anddd, if you don't understand what exactly she's been through, check out my 2nd blog in the navigations, it'll give you the details (though, I'd prefer if you do it now before reading this, up to you.) Oh and +bonus, "Fia" views everything platonic, no matter how painfully obvious the romantic gestures are. You could kiss her cheek and she'd assume it's friendship (well I mean it could, but unless the intentions from the other party is different), and even if she knows romance, she still doesn't know if it applies to her as well, so she's slightly dumb when it comes to people crushing/admiring her. But if you see her rambling about her friends in her mind? Yeah, that's her rambling, but since you take your time reading it, just assume she's thinking about it while doing things, multi-tasking. Because yk, you're in her thoughts.

Please do not read/comment if you don't like this fic.

"Fia Rodriguez" perspective

"..." the girl shifted around the bed, she just woke up, the sun seeping through her ragged curtains. Fluttering her eyes open, she lay still in bed looking like she was in thought, she was thinking about nothing. She could think about nothing, Grim was lying beside her. Snoring peacefully and talking in his sleep about his supposed superiority. The prefect always stood out, not in a good way. The feeling of eyes, eyes of men, scare her. Imagine- being in a room filled with men whom you can't recognize? A place, where you do not belong? That, that thought alone scares her. She had little to a few amount of friends, back in her world. Yet, now she has to restart. Over and over and over again. But, the thing is, this time, it felt unreal. This game- no, world felt unreal.

It never felt real. It always felt off.

From the magic, traditions, languages, lessons, and to the society. Everything here was off. That is because she is from a different world. Fia mentally noted, always aware but somehow still misses things. She's never gotten the peace she was looking for. She can't overcome her fears even when it seems easy to others. She was stubborn, but kept going with the same attitude from last year, well, until she was transported, that is. She wants to die, she really wants to disappear. It had been years of her yearning for someone who's out of reach. It hurts her, but she'd rather vy for their love rather than make a move, like a coward. Then she'll wither and suffer-

"Heyyyyy! Prefect, are ya still asleep? C'mon we gotta go to class! Me 'n Deuce are waitin' for ya!" A familiar redhead shouted from downstairs, snapping her out of her trance. Of course, they'd interrupt the moment where she'll feel sad, but it had always been like this, as she observed. Or, better say, noticed. She never hated these interruptions say, it's more like... annoying in a way, depending on the current situation.

That was her last talk from her thoughts, before she stood up, went to the showers to clean herself, and look at herself in the mirror. Looking at her naked self, she hated it all.

Her body was always the object on display. It's the body, not her soul. Or, if she ever had one?

Her chest had always been small, her body less desirable to anyone's standards, a skinny bone, left for no good use. But, it was either the hate or the constant need to sexualize her for no reason. All because of seeing her skin and thinking it'd be funny if they'd make inappropriate jokes about it. It never felt good. She wanted to feel at home, to be safe, and comfortable with her own body. But nothing felt right. Something was always missing. This time, she feels physically incomplete without wings. Angel wings, the ones that make her look like a free dove. "Fia" cherished her long hair, before it was cut short. But it's alright, she always has other methods to complete the 'incomplete'. Ace and Deuce never truly saw 'her' but it was for the best. What if they start making fun of her? Laugh at her for being undesirable? What will she do, if she had lost the only friends that actually treated her as such...? The other women, especially who had been praised for their appearance and personality. Yet, when she does it, it always seemed unattractive to her and everyone else. This- she does not like her own body, she must change it to please others. So she could hear the praises, the compliments, the positive commentary, the validation that she's enough- she wants that, but not in this body. No, it never felt right. But, how will she know if it isn't right when she can't show herself? She doesn't. That's the point. Yet here she is, going to disguise herself once more. For the fear of being judged. Fia Rodriguez finishes changing her clothes, closing her 'personal' thoughts, for now.

Going downstairs, she immediately had her moods changed, literally. Her mood, which she calls her personality. Changes depending on the person she's with. She was ditzy and happy to see her friends, Ace, Deuce, along with Grim. "Henchuman, what took you so long?" Complained the dire beast.

"I'm sorry! I just had difficulty with my bow..."

And it was true, she didn't know how to tie bows, laces, or tie it completely without it looking a bit disordered, "Hahhh, just ask house-warden Riddle. He'll be more than happy to help you... As long as you don't break the rules that is." Ace quickly added in haste. What for? "Hmmm, alright..." Fia mumbles, "but isn't it... I don't know, I just don't wanna ask him, it's like disturbing him and-" "Whaa?? You're not a bother at all?? No need to worry with that stupid head of yours, just go for it !" The redheaded said, already walking out the door, "C'mon, let's go!" Beamed the blue Spade. Holding out a hand to Fia while Grim seated on his left shoulder. Fia took his hand, but never fully gripped it. She just lets him drag her wherever he goes, usually with Ace. While the duo were talking, arguing, making jokes, and talking about upcoming events, Fia twiddled her untied bow. Lost in thought, she wondered if she'd ever be loved, but that's all she thinks about. Love, love, love. Deprived of a specific love she wants to experience so badly. But it'll never arrive, will it? No point in grieving about the past, she never did. She only feared it'd happen again. Especially when her... ex-crush had made multiple incidents with her. None of them were pure, only intentionally ill. And, like fate hearing her thoughts, Ace had mentioned how there might be a new transfer student, Deuce comments on how abrupt that transfer sounded, and Grim didn't care about it, although he is suspicious. Fia perked up at the mention of a 'transfer' student, it wasn't rare in her school. But, it certainly was uncommon to have a sudden transfer in the middle of a semester. "What? Can you please repeat that again...?"

Deuce turns to look at her, but Ace didn't still walking and focusing on what's in front of him, "Well, since you've asked, there's this new student that had been around lately. He said he was here for a week and decided to transfer in here. Said his name was, uhhh... somewhere with Ty, I think? I dunno." Ace shrugged.

What...? No, no. Fia, you're just imagining things, paranoia doesn't look good on you. Enough, stop it. Stop. It's okay. No need. Don't. No need. Don't panic. It's alright. It's a coincidence. A coincidence. A place where you can call, a safe space. It's okay.

Fia was panicking. Panicking so much she hasn't noticed her friends waving their hands in front of her.

"...ia?" "...ia!"

One, two, three, breath.

"..odrigues..!"

One, two, two, one? One, two, breath. Two, one, breath? The only thing she can hear now, is just her breathing. And the alarming sounds of friends. Friends? She had those. Wait, but she needs-

"Fia Rodriguez." A new voice has appeared. Professor Crewel. He reminds her of Teacher Michelle... she trembles.

"Uhm, yes?" The girl meekly replied, "What is the matter with you? Are you alright?" Crewel concernedly asked. He worried that one of his students, especially a female, had been zoning out earlier. Even though she had done this before, this one had been the longest, yet.

"Uhmm, yeah, uh-huh. I just zoned out and thought about the upcomings, sorry." She nodded in confirmation, the girl looked solemnly upset about something, she wasn't one to hide emotions like the rest of the student body.

"Alright, if that's what you say. Go on, and sit next to your friends." He nudged, sending her to the assigned seat for her. Potionology was a very interesting subject, obviously for her because she's 'magicless' and from another world. Then, as she was trying to focus. Sounds came in.

No, it's not scary, just sounds. People whispering, clock ticking throwing papers, making noises with their mouth, sound effects, pencils sounds, pens clicking, chewing, breathing, breathing, breathing, breathing- Inhale. Exhale.

Then there were lots of movements, fidgeting around pens and pencils, clacking on the table, the professor moving in gestures, tapping his pointer on the board, the clock moving in time, paper being thrown shaped into paper planes, movement on the front, moving, moving, moving- breath.

Her clothes were tight, too tight. She didn't like it, she wanted to rip it out, feel free. Pressure. Pressure from all the questions and hurried answers, each time moving from student to student, voices. Voices from individuals. Individuality is rare being yourself. It never felt like her, not at all. Her wings, her beautiful, precious wings. The feeling of freedom on her back. But her hair, her long hair. Representing Rapunzel's hair. Her favorite Disney princess, the hair that grew longer and longer never cut, it always symbolized of sorts. She couldn't figure out what. She misses, she cherishes, she adores, and admired her beautiful long hair. Before it was cut. But, how? When? Where? Why? She couldn't remember. But she knew she didn't like it, when someone cuts her hair off.

She was getting bored, in this classroom. She doesn't know why she feels like it, but it does. She wants to leave and sleep. She's exhausted. Early in the morning, yet she wants to sleep. So, so, so badly.

☆~~———~~☆

Next was history, something she actually cared about. It was her hyper-fixations, really. Not that it's a bad thing, but it kinda is. When it gets too unhealthy, otherwise. Everything here is confusing. Just as how it's supposed to be when you are from another world, right? She doesn't understand a thing, but she's taking notes down. She likes history. Everything else in here was a blur, muffled voices inside memories of her friends beside her. But she liked to note that there would be a quiz about it next week. So, she's gotta be diligent with her studies from now on, if she has any motivation for that.

☆~~———~~☆

Next was P.E. where she saw most of her friends doing laps or other exercises like that. She had met up with Floyd and Jade, who were doing broom lessons. It's weird, seeing brooms fly when they're meant to be fairytales. Not something she can believe straight out of the book. But something was always disturbing her at the back of her mind, Ty. Something that could eerily be similar to someone she had met before. Someone, she despised as a kid. Not that anyone would've cared. A tap landed on her shoulder and it was Lilia, coming to say hi. They exchanged a few chatters and laughter from each other, waving goodbye afterward since it was his turn to practice. It was strange. How they all seemed so beautiful and they can't even see that, and "Fia"? Only God's favorite can tell that she's not one to be complimented without being someone else. She won't be loved by anyone anyway. What's the point of crushing on her friends? She could always pretend.

Riddle Rosehearts, someone whom she had admired from afar. Anyone, especially the rowdy ones of her friends knew that Riddle was intelligent, incredibly so. He's always determined to win first place, securing a spot for himself, a hard worker, and a disciplined child. But there were flaws with that. His anger is quick to wake, his speeches always leave no room for argument, and he lacks social awareness and emotional intelligence. This is where she steps up, she'd help him understand that there are more feelings in emotion. There can't be two then more, but he's still in the process of understanding.

Trey Clover is someone who seems normal, easy-going, and lax. But, in dire moments, he hesitates. He panics, not outwardly, but inwardly. He is someone she liked the most, an 'ideal' man. He does everything the men she usually sees, can't. He has a supportive role, whilst maintaining an entire dorm. Knowing that would often stress him out, she always seeks to confide him with peace, and normal conversations. She wants to ease his internal anxiety for the oncoming trouble the next day or another, but she's not sure if she can.

Cater Diamond, someone who she's quite similar with, but not exactly. He has problems dealing with his older sisters in his house. She wants to support him, and wants him to feel like himself, well, whatever that meant but you get it. She'll start off little, asking how was his day, or simple questions like a favorite color or taste. She thinks it'd be much more easier to start simple rather than go forward, since that'll only build the barrier, or so she thought. She's not sure if he appreciates the constant questions about his day or anything. She'll never know. She's not good with social cues.

Ace and Deuce. Nothing much is wrong about them, except for their dynamic. One is disingenuous and a runny mouth the other is too honest and lacks self-control. But it's alright, she will try to help. Even if it's annoying, she won't persist. Until everything gets exhausting for her.

Leona Kingscholar, someone who's a bit too scarily relatable to her, well... behavioral wise. She doesn't exactly know where to pinpoint but he surely can be an asshole, just not a lot as many would say. Again, she let's him relax whenever he needed to. She always brought him food, which, she hoped he ate. Always bringing him food, attempting to cook, but she only cooks successfully whenever Jamil is around. Baking with Trey sounds a bit easy too. She exhausts herself to help these guys. But, whatever Leona is going through, she'll only have to hope he pulls through.

Next was Ruggie, he reminds her of two people she had met around 5th grade to 6th. Her friend she calls "Librarian Angel" and her old classmate, Ezzedin. Ezzedin was always hungry, asking for food whenever he got the chance, at first it was annoying, like a brother disturbing a sibling. But, she's grown used to it, until he transferred that is. But also "Zy" the Librarian Angel. She loved eating, maybe not too much(?), but still, food is yummy. But Ezzedin was poor and couldn't pay for his own food, so did Ruggie. This distant resemblance causes her to treat Ruggie like how she treated Ezze, spoiling but not so much. Then again, they'll probably leave her in the end, nothing new right?

Next was Jack Howl, he was a new dynamic for her. In their friendship, she had never had seen a friend so loyal and willing to protect their friend group, or "pack" as he'd call it. Cringe, but it isn't the omegaverse so she guesses it's fine. He is a kind boy.

Now Azul Ashengrotto, someone whom she almost relates to, not as much, but from the imagery issues to intimacy problems? Yes, that's what she could relate from. He's socially aware, though. So she's not that relatable to him, at this point she could relate to every dorm/vice if their problems somewhat aligns with hers in a way. But, not the point. He was smart, so smart and beautiful, it made her want to cry sometimes. When someone could look so flawlessly pretty especially a boy, it made her want to throw up. The fact that, no matter how much she tried, it'll have never worked in her favor anyway. But she helps, she gives him occasional food in a 'bento' as one of the countries in her world calls it. With a small note that encourages him, compliments him, praising him all for his hard work. Giving him reminders that he is who he already wants to be, even if it isn't enough for him, she hopes he'll see it.

Now the Leeches... they were mean, sure, but they weren't exactly cruel. Floyd often squeezes people, not seeming to notice his strength, he gets upset randomly, but she knew he was sad, or just genuinely angry someone or something had ruined his day. She wanted to help, but she couldn't figure out how, but usually, the eel finds her before she could find him. She likes giving him headpats! But, she wonders how long this'll last before he gets bored of it... and so was Jade, he's always nearby if Floyd is in the area, never too close never too far. He's just somewhere in the area. But, she thinks he's cool in a way... besides his fascination with mushrooms or watching the trouble, besides all his intimidation, he looks like he could use a friend. If he knows what that is. She's jesting, she wants to be friends with him, but when she asked? "Oh? I thought we were already, 'friends'? Fufufu~ have you forgotten already?~' Oh, well she's not sure if he's lying or not. But, alright? She always gift him something she finds in her own hikes (<-if she decides to do so), or her plants that she grows (<-once in a lifetime). His face always lit up, a new gift and each he finds with fascination or was he genuinely surprised that she had done something for once? Giving him a friendship bracelet, especially giving it to Floyd, she thought it was sweet and wholesome. When they asked her what the friendship bracelet is for, she'd explain as a bond, a remembrance of their relationship. That way, she and they could remember each other. They went quiet, she assumed they'll break the bracelet in front of her or later, but Floyd bursts out laughing, commenting on how cute it was, Jade chuckling in some agreement to it. She thinks. But she is not completely sure. She had never been.

Next was Kalim. Oh dear, he was a bright sun, a cheery flower that sings and blooms even when there's disastrous weather. Nothing like that mattered to him, even when there were close-calls of his death, he was too important, too valuable, too precious. But thats the fate of the Al-Asim, right? So, she wants to play along, where she can let her guard down, and relax. Okay, maybe not relax because she never will be. But, you get it. Oh, and gifting him notes filled with appreciation posts for him. It's sweet, in return she gets expensive gifts. Too sweet.

Next was Jamil. Poor Jamil, always doing work, so many tasks to do. She wants to help but only if he allows it. She asks, maybe even sounding a bit pleading, but Jamil persists. So, she helps in a different way. Giving, because that's all she could think of. Her giving and him receiving. The attention, the affection, and the love of a friend. She wants to understand him, but won't push until he gives a sign for it. She's not sure if he's glad, or displeased. She's just doing what she can as a 'friend'. If that's what they see her as, she hopes. At least. But she's never even sure, when he covers himself with his hoodie, unable to see his face but filled with so much suspicion, she still won't ask. She's not pushy, just clingy.

Then there was Vil Scheonheit, an actor, a model, whatever you dreamt to be. He was amazing and up-put, it's intimidating for her. Too much intimidating. She had a rocky start with him, she's still wary of him now, despite the reassurance of others he'll start accepting what she has in mind before deciding that it isn't worth his time. She's nervous around him, but he still stand beautifully, even after the things he did. She still forgave. Call it a habit, but she always forgive, but the scars won't heal even after time passes. So, the words on the tip of his tongue always keeps her at bay, never close. Or so she thinks. What could she do? She wants to cry, run away, and disappear. But all she could do is gift him notes and gifts he might like as she strays a distance between each other, she likes to be physically 8ft away from him when walking beside him. Until she gets comfortable. Despite her understandment with Vil, just know she's powerless against those who have literal magic. Especially when those magic contains curses and poisons.

Rook, was always a strange guy to her. Not in a "your creepy" way, but in a more "I've never seen an individual like you" kind. He always waxed poems and sonnets of something he sees and deems beautiful, it's like he always sees everything beautiful. She admires that, even when there's cracks and flaws, he sees it beautiful in a way, but there are times where he'll criticize something if it truly isn't right. Maybe he will encourage you, to be more confident, to be yourself. But would it be the same if he encourages a certain someone from her past? Will he support them, compliment their slyness, or criticize them? She knows for sure it's hard supporting rapists. So maybe he most likely won't. He always said, "Beauty is everywhere it touches" but she had always wondered if he held the same beauty he speaks of. And when one day, he had told her about hunting, the thrill of it, and how long he had chased beauty, she had responded once, "But you don't need to chase beauty, your eyes hold them. You've always seen beauty in everything, despite the imperfections others points out, you managed to make it sound pretty in a way. Why do you need to chase it when it's what you held for a long time?" After that she stopped replying, because it was a one time thought, she didn't know what he'd do next. But she never really found out the reason why he even frequented seeing her more often. She couldn't quite understand why.

Epel was a strong boy, she knew that. Yet, she wishes he would stop trying to change into being someone else that he's not. She reassures him every time, then he goes back persisting. And always gets dragged by Vil in the end. She tries to help, by giving him easy exercises, but that's all she could do. Now she could just give him water, help him hide, etc. Whatever help is available. Not much to say about him, but he reminds her of someone, someone that is willing to stop for a little just for their friend.

Idia is barely seen, but she is friends with him in games, Ortho comes along as well. They're both fun. In their own "Otaku" ways. It was funny how similar the words match Japan's. Or, she thinks? Not really into those cultures but she tries to catch up, he says it's fine since she's a newbie, and also helping her a little. They communicate with each other once in a night. He looks pretty, even if he can't see that. It didn't matter, what matters is that he's alright. She cares for him, for everyone. So, it isn't a surprise that she'd ask questions like if he has eaten yet or finished dinner. She's not sure on what Idia thinks about her, but she'll be fine with the ambiguous thoughts of her friends.

Next was Malleus, or better yet, Tsunotarou. He's a strange fae guy apparently, he and "Fia" barely understand each other, but what they both can relate from is the isolation. How they want the attention, the love their 'parent' never 'gave' them (yes he does Mal you just have a different perspective), but all is swell when you both relate so well. It'd be quite a jumps are if he randomly appears in the middle of the night for company, but she wouldn't mind. He liked talking about the... gargoyles? While she, talks about history, writing, and drawing. She drew a picture for the gargoyle that Tsunotarou mentioned, and he was... delighted? If she could easily read someone, that is. She had brought him ice cream, and he had brought her a tomagachi, she didn't know how to use it at first, but she's got it. Kinda.

Lilia, oh Lilia. Where do I begin? His hair, eyes, fangs, silly smile, carefree laugh, vampiric vibes, his endless amounts of talents, red eyes gleaming in mischief, fun tricks, and sudden jumps cares as pranks? He was amazing, she'd say. But she can't have him. How sad. How much she yearns for these boys, and yet, she's afraid of what will come next. So, she waits and waits. Bonding with others because she feels like she doesn't deserve it, she really doesn't. She hopes she doesn't. Romance is a lost cause for her. Nothing can change that. As much as she'd love to be in a forever with them, she couldn't. Not when she's unable to love without worrying she'll end up ruining it with her sudden lash outs, she can be abusive, she really can. It's just not out yet. Not when she's too comfortable. She doesn't wanna hurt them, especially him. He's beautiful, yet he manages to pull himself back up after many centuries of wandering in this world. She wonders how he'll react when he sees someone associated from her past. But, at the same time, she does not want to burden him. He can shoulder his burden and overcome them with strength, sure. But did it hurt? She can help, only if gifting and sending letters could do anything. She hopes. (And hoping is stupid)

Next is Silver, a beautiful boy. Many girls would fall for him, no doubt. Always a sleeping beauty never prince charming. Haha. But, she admires his strength, his determination to protect, he trains relentlessly and that's no easy feat, along with Sebek. She likes to play with the squirrels while Silver is asleep. She likes reading the books Sebek recommended to her, even if she's not a book worm, she could at least support her friends hobbies. Even thanking him for the book suggestion and saying it was a nice book to read. His face turns red everytime, but maybe it's his first time hearing that. Maybe that's why. Oh, and Silver often invites her to the equestrian club, where she watches the activities they do. It's fun to watch. But she hesitates in participating, not the type to eagerly initiate.

Maybe that's why she dearly lives her friends, even when it borders onto something more than platonic. Not that she'd admit it. It'd be far too humiliating.

Fia Rodriguez perspective

Class ended, and she was finally out. Going out with Ace and Deuce to lunch time she was finally able to take a break !!! Woo hoo !!! She's so energetic, she feels AMAZING !!! Anyway, going to the cafeteria she sees the entire student body gathering, all taming the food. Especially her favorite egg sandwich... when she was her turn in line, she grabbed anything that could fill Grim's stomach. As much as she can carry, so she went to her group's table, while carrying a mountain of food for Grim.

"Whooaa!! You gonna eat that??" Asked a surprised Deuce. "Haha! You're definitely going to gain weight after this!-" "I'm not going to be the one who's eating it, though. It's meant for Grim." "Fgnyha?!?!? For me??? Thanks, henchuman! You're just the best! Nyahahahah!" And the great Grim laughed...

This may be why she takes care of Grim, he reminds her of, her 'child' named Mira. Before, Mira was a 3-year-old girl and she was around 11-12 over at her Nana's house. A somewhat decent babysitter. Not with her methods, though. So Fia made sure to take care of the kids, not all of them, of course. She didn't really care that much until a child named Mira arrived. She was a sweetie. She was soft, cheeky, and just overall adorable and behaving. Mira clung to her the most, going so far as to calling her 'mama' she felt attached. Ever since Mira had to leave that place she felt hollow. So, she created a different version of Mira, "Mira-lee". Her precious miracle. She misses her dearly. Maybe that's why she wanted to take care of Grim, to ease that part of herself. Watching Grim munch happily on the stack of food made her smile, what she didn't noticed was her friends calling out to her. Until Grim noticed as well.

"Ia...?" A murmur from a wolf called out. "Fia!!" Both the duo shouted, at least loud enough for a few students around them to look at their table. But some were already watching their group. "Huh...? Oh, right. Do you need something?" "Dude, you're going to ask us if WE need anything, but you're not eating anything! Are you tryna' starve!?!?" Ace yelled in a whisper. Ah... her food... "I'm sorry, it's just that my favorite had run out and-" "Bonjour, mademoiselle trickster !! I've come to make an offering !!" A certain blondie Bob with horrifying gleaming green eyes said. Offering her... egg sandwich...? Wait, and it's in the same way she likes it- what the!?- ahem, "Y-yes, uhm, uh... thank you, Rook. Are you sure this is safe?" "Non, non! I'd never poison you! You're far too Magnifique !! I'd never dare to lay my hand on you with I'll intent! Dous-" "Okay, okay, thank you." She said, carefully taking the sandwich so it wouldn't fall. Oh, but he wouldn't let it fall now, would he? Oh well, not like she knows about it. She hesitantly but happily takes a bite.

"Fank kyu, Rook(?)" The girl mumbled between her egg sandwich. The mentioned boy smiled, "Oui, it is my pleasure, mon étoile !" The golden-haired boy beamed in joy. She might be a little delusional, is that a pink hue on his cheek? Ah, maybe it's just the new blush they've been trying out, nothing to worry about.

As she finished her sandwich, she felt full. She's never used to eating more than what's served on her plate, even if it's small portions of food.

Until she heard footsteps of somebody. It was Riddle.

"Ahem." Riddle cleared his throat for obvious attention, "Your bow, why isn't it tied? You forgot to ask me, didn't you Fia?" Fia's breath hitched in anxiety. She exhaled shakily, she hated being confronted like that, at least do it for her wordlessly !! In the end, she nods, and mouths out, "Can you please tie this for me...?" She asked hesitantly. Riddle stepped forward and leaned in to tie her bow, fixing her disorderly lace into a nice ribbon. "There, all fixed." Riddle smiled, seemingly pleased with his work. "Thank you, Riddle. You're a nice friend to have..." She said with gratitude and admiration, Riddle gulped and darted his eyes away, looking anywhere but the prefect. "Uh- uhm, yes. No problem.." "Hahhhh... Riddle is REALLY turning into one sappy slime!" Called Ace, with a shit-eating grin. Riddle's face turned red but for a different reason,

"OFF WITH YOUR!-" "Riddle, is it okay if we hang out next tea party?" Fia quickly intervened. Riddle stopped chanting and turned around, "Ah?- ahem!- Very well, then. You shall. Don't think you're getting away, Trappola. I saw that face you were making earlier." Said the fuming goldfish.

Before turning his heels around and leaving. Everyone sighed a relief. It was amazing how she managed to do that. I mean, how did she do that? She can't answer her own questions, so this'll be staying in her head for now.

☆~~———~~☆

Trey is always so helpful whenever she looked like she was 2 seconds away from collapsing, "Need help with that? Here, let me..." And just with that she mutters out a tired thank you, he smiles back with warmth she had never seen before. Not that anyone had smiled so warmly, or if she could remember one at least. They've interacted many times during their time of stress. Trey would find solace in her presence, while he takes the heavy burden of carrying heavy items like full boxes. It was nice keeping in touch with him.

Cater was a social butterfly, but she had always questioned what he liked, what he wanted to be, what he actually is interested in, instead of the forced cutesy and photoshopped smiles. His mask usually tends to crack around her, she noted. Maybe it is a good sign? Ah, but who is she kidding? These guys are going to leave her either way. Or, maybe she'll leave them? But, as long as she's here to let them accept what goes through life, then maybe she'll be let off the hook, right? If she has time.

Ace, Deuce, and Grim are arguing again, about some game one of them lost in. It was funny seeing them like this, she always brought them games to play, and it somehow ended up becoming a big fight between the trio. It was nice, to see friends getting along. It really is, but sometimes she feels left out. Even when she's the one who invited them to play, I guess she's not that competitive. It's boring arguing with a pacifist anyway. So she does what she can do best, staying silent. Oh, but you think she's staying silent the whole time they're arguing? Nope, Ace somehow drags her in the "convo" and never let's her leave out. So, there's that.

Leona always drags her to sleep with him, either that or she just feels tired and decides to join him. They both are sleeping buddies, not into being disturbed in their sleep, Fia is mostly the tired one who can pass out if she stands up too quickly. Leona helps her rest, preventing anyone from disturbing her slumber.

Ruggie and Fia bond a lot. Fia because he reminds her of Ezze. And Ruggie because she gives him donuts. They both are close, Fia thinks Ruggie is adorable, despite the height difference. Ruggie laughs around her a lot. And sometimes even shadows her moves. She enjoys it, oh and she even helps Ruggie with the chores Leona dumps on him. He makes sure she gets to laundry Leona's shirts and jackets and whatnot while he cleans his undergarments. Look, it'll be much more easier for the both of them. She even pays him food after that, how can he say no?

Jack, Epel, and Sebek were quite the trio. One bulky, one feral, another is loud. But, it's okay, she loves them all. It didn't matter to her in the first place. They all cared for her in the end, right? Yes, yep. They do. They really do. She gives Jack water whenever he finishes his laps, giving Epel a handkerchief whenever he finishes exercising during spelldrive club hours, giving Sebek a towel in case he finishes his duel. Fia cared for everyone, even those who don't deserve it. Maybe not all, but some. And they do it back too. Jack giving her favorite snack, Epel giving her apple juice, and Sebek giving her a book with her favorite genre in it.

Azul is quite a busy man, always doing paperwork in his office. With his two tall eels as personal guards, that'll surely make you go missing if you ever break the contract or resist. Yet, whenever Fia comes to visit, he always seems to be in a panic. Making sure everything is sparkling clean. She always enters with food. For Azul, Jade, and Floyd. They all get their favorite food, she thinks they deserve it. In return, she'll be discreetly protected, maybe not in Floyd's case. But protected nonetheless. She had been tired, running herself ragged, and always at the heed of the headmaster's deed. Not always was he active, but she surely is. So Azul always made sure to give her at least, a discount whenever she dines in Monstro Lounge.

The tweels are quite the hassle for her. Their start wasn't a very pleasant one, but it wasn't bad either. Just an unusual counter. But that mended over time after the case of Ashengrotto was closed. They've never seen someone so determined to help Azul see a better light in himself. Which mightve sparked the interest? She's not sure. But maybe it's interest, it couldn't be anything more, right? Still, she gives them love and respect. They're individuals as well, and it wouldn't be polite if she made a rude gesture about them without getting to know them first. So of course, she reaches out with a wary hand.

Kalim and Jamil are two peas with the total opposite in life. One is privileged, the other isn't. But, they both suffer at the hands of fate, don't they? She felt sorry for them, she wanted to help in any way she could. All she could give was her metaphoric heart. She doesn't know if they'll appreciate that, since it's the only thing she's capable of besides obeying. She hopes that in the future, they will be alive and well. Even if hoping is stupid, it'll be fine. She just hopes there's a possible good future for the both of them, even when she's not in it. She cares, she really does. But sometimes she doesn't know if it's enough, when Kalim gives her extravagant gifts, to Jamil making the most delicious delicacies. It made her a bit envious, when she isn't naturally talented with anything, wasn't born in wealth or talent, she just made hobbies to compensate her lack of unique skills. But it's alright, it's fine. It will always, and forever will be fine.

The Pomefiore group is whose she's more scared of. Perfection. That word, is like a curse to her. Perfection, everything needs to be perfect. But how? Why? Is it because it's more aesthetixally pleasing...? Won't she look as pretty? It was never answered, but her tension with Vil had slightly ceased. After an amount of compensation she finally, but slightly, warm up to him. Rook was quite an easy one, she likes the compliments he makes, and maybe even more if she could grab a list and write it all down. Both of them are so pretty, so charming. It's unfair on how unreal these men are. But it's alright. As she told herself before. It'll be fine.

Ignihyde was like her quiet and safe haven. Where she played video games with Idia and Ortho, it was fun. They'd play horror games, Idia would shout, Fia would laugh, and Ortho would lead the way first. They'd play RPG and usually Idia and Fia are in a tie. While Ortho quite literally wins every time. They'd always prepare snacks whenever Fia is around/invited and always leave out her favorite ones just to make it easier for her to find. Idia is really sweet when it comes to his loved ones, cheering Ortho, encouraging him, and overall a proud brother. Ortho felt like he was back again, with his big brother. Ortho tends to tease Idia about something that Fia couldn't quite catch. They also play with someone called MuscleRed. It was a funny username. But she wasn't one to judge. Not at all. Unless she really wants to.

Diasomnia is quite a beautiful place, with its architecture being built beautifully, and made from an ancient style of art. It was a form of art coming to life for her. Its Gothic vibes match with the greens and sage fog in the midst. Dark colors and its only contrasted color was green (unless you are talking abt their dorm crest), Malleus, known as Tsunotarou, was always elated to see his only friend outside his status. She was happy as well, listening to every ramble he made, his rants, and his recent finding which honestly, made her a bit more interested in what he's got going on, while Silver was just lying in her lap, the tea prepared on the table was by him, she thanked him before he fell asleep. Lilia was hanging upside down, cracking up jokes often, which made Fia smile and laugh a little. They'd always prepare snacks for her whenever she visits by. And it is always so lovely to see her friends do things for her when she never asked for it. But it didn't mean it was unwelcomed surprise. Lilia would always greet her whenever she enters the Diasomnia lounge, Tsunotarou waiting by the couch, playing with his Gao-gao, and Silver already had placed her favorite tea ok the table. They'd all chat, before Silver falls asleep and Sebek arrives to the dorm with a booming voice, only to see Fia had brought books to read with him.

Yes, all her friends, so precious. Despite the fact they've once harmed her, they wouldn't dream about doing it again.

☆~~———~~☆

Apparently, after school time, everyone had left in a hurry to their dorms. Whether to play games, sleep, or do any of their activities in their dorm. And Fia? She was EXHAUSTED. So many things to do on her own. Which is incredibly frustrating to her, but something always lingered at the back of her head...

Ty... a name she is eerily familiar with before...

She didn't like the fact there's a guy similar to that name. She didn't like the fact it had to be similar. Giving her so many possibilities on who it could be.

Until she was called in the headmaster's office. Yes, she was called there to show the new student around the school. No, she's not expecting payment from this, but in the end, she's been receiving a decent amount of it, and that's all that matters.

☆~~———~~☆

No.

Absolutely not.

Why?

No this isn't fair. Why?

No please, not again. Why is he here? No- no- don't do this to her. She's sorry if she ever made the universe mad at her, she's sorry for being weak, please don't do this to her... she's begging anything. Let her rest why is Tyron here? No she's sorry. She's sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

She'll never escape this guy, not when he smiles at her, as they've met once again.

"It's nice to meet you, 'Fia'" The man grins.

To be continued...

A/n: tbh I did this for fun idk why I wrote this butt this is just a cliffhanger, it depends if I wanna do another part or nah.

Feel free to ask questions about this fic !!!

[shunin-gumis]

As Master Joe Wishes - Track 03

Seasonal Team Event - L4mps

Thank you Jelly for handling this chapter!

~~~(flashback)

Nagi: *looks around* Who said that?

Toi: It sounded like it came from over there…?

??: Please turn your attention downwards! I am right here~!

Ryui: The fuck?

Yodaka: A teddy bear? Or an autonomous—

Netaro: Eggactly!

Joe: It is I, “Baldovino Joe Senba!” Brunhild, the late madam’s, one and only remaining family!

Joe: As a sign of our friendship, please, call me “Joe”~!

Toi: S-S-SHE’S ADORABLE~~~~♪ Here girl, here girl♪ I want to hug the fluffy Ms. Bear~~~♪

Joe: I suppose I shall allow it?

Nagi: A-Amazing, it moves and speaks just like a noble lady— Toi, I wanna hug her too.

Ryui: Unlike a certain florist, it can speak properly. It even knows how to introduce itself.

Yodaka: …I see, so this is what it’s about.

Daniel: Hm? Did you figure something out?

Yodaka: Yes. Take a good look at the gemstones on her eyes, nose, earrings, and that heart on her chest.

Netaro: Wonderful observation skills, Yoda~! Very perceptive!

Netaro: Her right eye is a top-tier cabochon red diamond cut by a craftsman employed by the royal family, of which there exists only a few dozen in the whole entire world.

Samejima: And what’s more, it has a market price of 2 billion yen!

Joe: Indeed~!

Toi: Ehhhhh~!?

Netaro: And her nose is an alexandrite, the third rarest gem in the world! This precious gemstone was passed around through many of the world’s powerful and influential figures before eventually making its way into Brunhild’s hands~!

Joe: Every single gem costs an arm and a leg~!

Netaro: In other words, Joe is a teddy bear with a net worth of a billion yen, jam packed with the latest AI technology♪

Nagi: …No matter how many of me there are, I still wouldn’t be able to afford it…

Ryui: (He put the bear down with a super pale face…)

Toi: Joe-sama is amazing. But if you’re so valuable, won’t bad people always be after you…?

Samejima: There’s no problem in that regard. Very soon, Joe-san will be sent over to Germany under the supervision of the police. From that point onwards, she’ll become a national treasure and will be much harder to steal.

Samejima: However, while she’s still in JPN, the JPN police will be the ones in charge of her safety and escorting her… When this was first decided, the German police force started treating us as incompetent idiots.

Samejima: For things to proceed smoothly while she’s still under our jurisdiction, they were very nitpicky and obsessed over even the slightest details. All of this was an incredible pain and has started to get on our nerves, but we have no choice but to put aside our personal feelings.

Samejima: However, if we manage to round up all of “Anonymous” in one go, all while guarding Joe-san, we might be able to stand our ground against the German police.

Netaro: That’s right, that’s right! Kick their asses~!

Joe: Send them crying back to their mothers, desuwa~!*

Ryui: …Just putting this out there, but ain’t this a personal grudge?

Samejima: Yeah, you’re right on the mark.

Ryui: The hell you agreeing so casually for?

Nagi: Um, but uh well we’re… “ward mayors”...?

Samejima: Astute observation. We appreciate your cooperation.

Nagi: I guess we’re helping out now…

Daniel: I have a lot I wanna say, but wouldn’t this all be solved if you just shoved it in some bank’s safety box until D-day? Then you wouldn’t need us.

Joe: What on Earth are you saying! Even AI deserves basic rights~! I’ll have you know, our way of life is very similar to that of humans~!

Toi: Locking them up is too much!

Daniel: Sorry. It was just a thought.

Yodaka: More importantly, does the enemy know that the “secret treasure” they’re after is actually a teddy bear? From our conversation earlier, it sounded like they know very few details regarding the actual treasure itself.

Netaro: They probably don’t know?

Yodaka: In that case, wouldn’t it be fine to go along pretending that Joe-san isn’t the treasure they’re seeking?

Samejima: You’re exactly right. However, that’s exactly why we can't just provisionally leave Joe-san. It’d be bad if we were found out because of that.

Samejima: To be honest, I could just be with her at all times. However, this is a lot easier said than done.

Samejima: For a fatigued, middle-aged man like myself to be alert 24/7 while holding such a cute teddy bear would be, on the contrary, quite suspicious.

Netaro: Aesthetically not pleasing. Report for indecent behavior.

Ryui: Yeah, only a dumbass would fall for that. You’d need an angel like Toi to safekeep it…

Samejima: Exactly. In order to blend-in, we’d need a child like Toi-san, or Ryui-san, someone who could “𝓔mbrace it without” looking out of place—

Ryui: Haa!? Wanna try saying that again, you fucker!?

Toi: Ani-sama would definitely look good holding a teddy bear……! I see it…… I totally see it…… Ani-sama is totally the cool type, but he could totally pull off cuteness!

Samejima: Where “𝓔xposure to danger would be OK” and—

Nagi: Danger is okay…?

Netaro: I gave the okay on behalf of everyone. ‘Cause it’s more fun that way!

Samejima: A person we could “𝓔asily count on”... We needed an individual that met the 3E’s. That’s why I had Yowa-kun introduce you all to me.

Ryui: Listen here you fucker, all you've been doing is spouting random fucking bullshit since we got here! Don’t get cocky just ‘cause you’re the fucking police!?

Ryui: (Except for Toi) No one here looks normal carrying a fucking bear around, I don't remember agreeing to dangerous shit like fucking with a god damn criminal organization, and we sure as hell aren’t close enough for you to ask for shitty favors like—

Toi: Samejima-san! I… I’ll do my best!

Ryui: Wha- Toi…!

Toi: Ani-sama, please… Joe-sama and Samejima-san are both in a pinch, we can’t just turn a blind eye to this.

Toi: I don’t want to hand over Brunhild-san's precious Joe-sama over to the bad guys… I want to help!

Toi: The world’s coolest Ani-sama would definitely protect both me and Joe-sama… right?

Ryui: Got it. I’ll give my all to ensure your safety.

Toi: Yay! Ani-sama, I love you!!

Nagi: Can you protect me as well…

Yodaka: My, my… I guess it can’t be helped. If the terms have already been agreed upon, then perhaps, this is what fate has in store for us.

Daniel: What good samaritans. In that case, see ya.

Joe: Thank you all for your cooperation~! After the burly gentleman over there departs, shall we open a bottle of wine and have a toast?

Daniel: …Wine?

Joe: The late madam had a liking for vintage wine. We have many globally rare wines held downstairs in the cellar.

Daniel: I’ll do it. Ensuring her safety, or escorting, or whatever. Regardless of who they are, it’s only right to help out those in need.

Samejima: Great. With this, we can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Once again, I appreciate your cooperation. Thanks.

Joe: I shall be in everyone’s care!

Note:

Joe generally speaks very elegant and formally. However, she suddenly says something very crude for her character and tries to wrap it up with an elegant ending. Unfortunately, it is hard to find an English equivalent so a decision was made to use "desuwa~."

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

what do you think sirius’s relationship with his father was like

(i wrote a whole fucking biography, but there's a tldr at the bottom w some notes! also. i am so sorry. this ended up being orion's relationship with his eldest son instead. its pov orion forgive me please.)

sirius and orion ..... there's not much in canon about them, i think, right? he mentions him a whopping one time, when he said his father was the one who made Number Twelve unplottable and that's it, so i think orion was just. so very absent. and neglectful. especially considering how much walburga is mentioned and how big of a part she played in sirius' life.

that's all for canon, i think. now for the fun hc time !!

i imagine orion to be fairly quiet, more like regulus. i imagine he dealt with walburga's anger and mood swings (i hc her (and sirius) with bipolar ii disorder which was obv untreated her whole life bc a) fifties b) ew muggles im perfectly fine) ever since they met (with orion being younger and more complacent, too) so it wasn't a marriage where they were both equals, and orion resented walburga for it.

enter sirius black.

when sirius was born, walburga was completely focused on him. she had her son, her everything, her precious little child and orion was free. i think he loved sirius for it - for how walburga didn't notice when orion left the room or entered it, for how much walburga loved her son.

the first few years was good, sirius was charming, regulus was obedient, walburga was happy and orion was distant from the woman who'd ruined his life. plus, he liked his kids!

sure, sirius was too headstrong and aggressive and had mood swings and sure that reminded him a little bit of walburga and so he usually treasured his precious regulus, and yeah, sirius had cried more than once that dad doesnt love me! but it was all just fine, because he loved his son! he did, really! at least one of them, anyway.

by the time sirius was ten, orion was hoping his hogwarts letter would come early.

it was sirius' first big rebellion, and walburga had (after punishing sirius as she saw fit - orion didn't bother asking, the boy was more comfortable with his mother anyway) locked herself in her room for more than a week, but that was fine, he was used to it. no, the problem was that sirius also stayed in his room for a week, and orion was connecting dots.

from then to dropping sirius off at the train, orion withdrew himself. he noticed. he observed. he busied himself. sirius talked to him, and he didn't ignore him completely, he was still a good father (right?) so he played chess and taught potions and told him who to and not to talk to like he was supposed to.

(he hated the noise the mother and son caused. he hated them, too.)

he pretended to sympathize when walburga said she missed him already when they saw the bus go off.

when sirius came back for christmas, he steered clear for the first two days. walburga handled the punishments: sorting, his friendships, his misdemeanors. orion nodded along.

i am a good father. it's his fault for not being a good son.

regulus was so good, and for all the time the boys spent together, regulus never rubbed off on him.

oh god. what if sirius infects him, too? the only normal one there - what if sirius takes regulus in his madness?

so he separates regulus, too.

by then, he doesn't know what's going on with sirius. regulus told him, time to time, but orion's dislike of his son was becoming clear, so regulus steered clear of the sirius' name. sirius learnt to be away from his father's study. walburga yelled at him more for his negligence but he took it and continued his one sided resentment to his son. (was it one sided anymore? orion didn't know.)

summer vacation is spent in his study and in his bedroom. the two places sirius never was. he didn't know where sirius was, but he heard the occasional screaming and then he had the pleasure of not seeing sirius for a few days.

when, the next year, regulus has to go with sirius, he resents walburga for not saying she missed him already. but she had missed sirius. cursed mother, cursed child.

in third year, walburga signs sirius' hogsmeade permission slip. whatever. he didn't even know it had been signed till the following year, when regulus came to him and they had a few moments of small talk.

regulus mentioned sirius idolized andromeda. he couldn't imagine why, and he couldn't imagine why regulus told him.

by the summer before fourth year, sirius and orion didn't talk. orion scolded him for one thing or another ('posture!' , 'you're late' , 'you're friends with a pettrigrew?' , 'your hair is unkept'), he gave scoffed when sirius made a pronunciation error with his words (regulus wouldn't've. stupid boy, sirius didn't deserve the title of heir.), he punished sirius and then he went back to his study (*sanctuary).

walburga tells him sirius has been sneaking out to muggle london, he has indecent pictures spelled to his walls, he's changed, orion, he's different now. orion doesn't tell her that sirius had always been different, and never in a good way. (he doesn't tell her that she is the same.)

sirius didn't come back for christmas that year. he doesn't notice till walburga screamed at him. he was more focused on how walburga clung to his regulus closer that year.

by the summer before sirius' fifth year, sirius' fights were no longer contained for his mother. he yelled at anyone who would give him time of day.

bellatrix, portraits, kreacher, walurga of course, regulus even.

not his father.

if he saw his father, he would simply walk away.

sirius never walked away from anyone, but orion was grateful nonetheless. he'd hexed sirius a few times, naturally, but he didn't want it to become something regular.

(he was grateful for the days sirius spent holed up into his room.)

by the end of summer, sirius and him had barely exchanged a word that wasn't orion chastising him and sirius replying with a curt yes father.

(it felt like an insult. father. no, orion wasn't a father to that vile thing. sirius was his mother's son. orion had nothing to do with him. and he knew sirius didn't feel differently - he heard sirius refer to him by name when he conversed with regulus.)

when that year ended, and summer began, sirius didn't grant his father the gift of silence. he yelled at him too. every word orion spoke, sirius gave three in return, every hex orion performed sirius laughed at ('is that it? i've been done worse by kids my year.'). he hates him, now. he doesn't hate walburga as much, walburga stayed in her room more, she came out to scream for a few hours and went back.

he blocks that whole summer out. he hates yelling. he hates being yelled at. sirius was walburga, but worse. infinitely worse. he's so relieved when he wakes up to find sirius gone that he can barely hear walburga's shrieks, or bother trying to undo the careful expression regulus wears.

sirius visits him through walburga regardless. (how funny, at first it had been the other way around). sirius had never been one for letting go of things. he haunts orion's dreams and when he hears certain phrases he thinks of his fallen star.

tldr : orion is reminded of walburga (abuser?) when he looks at sirius and distances himself till he finds himself no longer seeing himself as a father for sirius

stuff i didn't mention : walburga uses regulus as sirius' replacement when he runs away and orion hates her for it even though he does the same , he does 100% despise sirius' muggle/gryfindor/blood traitors esque etc stand points, i just feel like that's a given though soo i didnt include it (sorry!!). he just lets walburga handle it, for the most part.

tysm for the ask!

[lya-dustin]

Shock and Delight

chapter 18

Aromantic!Aemond x Aromantic!Aemma Velaryon(oc)

For as long as she can remember, Aemma has assumed that if someone loves her in the romantic sense, she may respond to that love the same way…hopefully.

Much like fucking it was one of those things that she never quite felt the same way as others did ---she still does not see why everyone, especially the Faith and its more devout followers, are so obsessed with the activity.

Baela loved Jace like all sweethearts do, not like Aegon and Helaena who were great friends and siblings even if they can never make themselves love each other as spouses do. They desired other people the way Aemma didn’t but Helaena and Aegon barely desire each other sexually either anyways.

Aemma hoped to have someone like that if she cannot solve that issue regarding those two things.

Perhaps it would have been good to marry Aemond, he didn’t experience love the way others do either.

But then again, the princess did eventually discover she can feel lust and desire for other people --- unfortunately it was for Aemond who the princess is not supposed to want to fuck--- so perhaps she is worrying for naught.

She couldn’t wait to tell him about how well it went with Qyle and show him the Morning’s latest print about them. It was quite fun to be the only two people who could fool the gossipmonger, Aemma will miss it when it’s over. Besides, Teora had finished the book he loaned Aemma, and the princess would like to return it without her Septa at spitting distance.

Aemond is not as he had been this morning. He is standing rigidly, looking out the window with his hands clasped behind his back like when he is anxious about something. He has always done that as a boy, ramrod straight, pretending he isn’t bothered by something and hiding it under a veneer of arrogance and indifference.

“You won’t get a better match than the Prince of Dorne, our arrangement is over.” He keeps his back to her, refusing to even look at her as he ends their friendship then and there.

“We agreed we would still be friends after.” Aemma hopes he doesn’t mean that. It was uncharacteristic of him to do such a thing, and in such a cowardly way.

“Your mother’s past would have people accusing you of doing the same.” The prince gives his reasoning, as if they already do not slander her because Alicent’s blasted court knows they will not be punished for it. “For what is worth, I am sorry it came to this.”

“Then look me in the eye and say it, you coward!” for all of her desire for peace, Aemma has been known to let her temper get the best of her.

She is not supposed to be emotional; she is not to act like a human being because men do not need to prove they are capable and mature enough to handle being a ruling lady let alone a queen.

But the princess is just as human as a street urchin in Flea Bottom, so behind closed doors she is allowed to react and behave as a human would. Besides, Aemond is still her family and if she cannot be herself with him then he is no kin of hers.

Aemond turns to face her once she makes it clear he will have to remove her from his quarters by force if he does not tell her to her face that he is no longer her friend.

“We cannot remain as we were, you will marry Qyle Martell, and I will not make it harder for you to win over his people.” He does not lie about that, but there is something else to it. There had been no rumors about them being improper, not even from his mother’s faction, there would be no reason for him to do something this drastic.

“Liar.” She knows him, knows him better than the lickspittles fawning over him. There are confidants, their friendship made deeper than any they had with anyone else thanks to this charade.

The prince rolled his eye at her and reiterated his words. “We cannot remain as we were. It isn’t proper. You of all people know why that is so.”

He knows how her mother’s reputation has fucked them all over, he is the living example as to why any rumor ---whether true or no--- surrounding the legitimacy of the royal heirs cannot be allowed to spread.

Alicent had allowed her court to gossip about her brothers’ bastardry. Jace had not been spared thanks to his off coloring and no matter how much fear Great-Grandmother could instill in the Queen it could not be stopped.

Aemond ended up paying for that. Luke had not meant to take his eye anymore than any of them had set out to fight each other that night. Had their mothers tried harder to mend their fences and done more to deny the court its sport in pitting them against each other, none of this would’ve happened.

But it is too late for that and now Aemma will be branded a whore for any little misstep she takes by a greedy group of fuckers who only think of what they can get from having the ruling house tear each other apart for an ugly chair and a worthless man’s love.

“That is not the whole truth about it.” The princess refuses to accept that as the reason he is ending their friendship and everything they could have been. She crossed her arms wishing to appear braver than she is. “I will not leave this room unless you are truly honest with me and tell me why we are no longer friends.”

“I understand.” And yet her heart breaks into pieces as she spoke the words, the tears that had welled up in her anger had begun to stream down her cheeks and even in this poor lighting she can see the glassiness of his own eye. “I suppose this is the end for us.”

“I---” he falters, his hands behind his back fall and come to grip her shoulders as if he were doing this to protect her from some great evil. “I swore to Aegon I would not rise against Rhaenyra unless he asked me to. I cannot let the Lord Hand use either of us to usurp your mother."

Oh.

Oh!

It had to be dire if Aemond was doing this to them. He knew the man better than she did, if Ser Otto had considered using her to usurp her mother then Aemond had no choice but to cut off ties with her to keep him away from them.

A necessary evil.

“I am sorry, I never wanted it to end this way.”

Had they both been capable of romantic love it would have been a great declaration of it even without the bloody three words.

But they are not and yet it hurts all the same.

“Daeron said his brother was very upset last night too. Apparently, you are not the only one nursing a broken heart.” Rhaena spoke quietly as Aemma throws away almost everything Aemond gave her during their false courtship. She had come to her room seeing the state she returned to it last night and brought Aemma’s favorite breakfast foods to comfort her in her heartbreak.

“It’s true then, your courtship being over, I mean.” And because where Rhaena goes Baela is not far behind, the elder dragon twin joins them as they eat the break fast in bed still in their nightclothes.

After all her courtship just ended and it’s proper for her to be devastated over it.

“Yes, Aemond and I have broken our courtship because I won’t ever get a better offer than Prince Qyle.” Aemma had been too heartbroken to do much more than cry in her room that evening and yet morning comes again giving her no choice in the matter.

As nice and sweet Qyle is, she didn’t want to accept his hand this way.

Maybe she will grow to love him, to love the man who secures her mother’s position as future queen and their heads on their shoulders.

All because Otto Hightower cannot accept his career is over. Viserys should’ve killed him when he had the chance.

“That’s not true, you had Aemond and I hadn’t seen you like a boy like you liked him.” Her cousin points out still believing true love can conquer all.

“Yes, but Dorne means mother’s enemies would think twice before rising against her and could allow us to annex the realm with minimal bloodshed.” They are royalty, if nobility barely had any freedom to marry for love why would a Targaryen be the exception?

“Oh, so its duty over love then.” Baela interjects coming to sit on the bed with them. “Shame, just when I was finally coming around to the idea of him being our brother. Lady Morning will have a blast writing this, she’s hardly been wrong.”

“Well, there’s a first for everything.” Rhaena grumbled in response. “Are you sure there is no chance for the two of you reconcile?”

“I don’t think so.” Aemma considers telling them the truth, it would feel nice to let someone else know, but she decides against it. “The only way we could marry is if Ser Otto would stop trying to usurp mother and Prince Qyle was deemed unsuitable by the Small Council.”

This seems to stop the questions from Rhaena ---Baela did not care about the specifics--- and allows Aemma the quietness to accept her fate.

Even if love and desire never come, they will have peace and that is what matters.

a/n:

so I've come to the realization that I actually want to keep both Aemma and Aemond aromantic instead of demiromantics (and demisexual in Aemma’s case) falling in love when i can have two besties who do not feel romantic attraction still have a loving and fulfilling relationship because love is a spectrum and I loved Panfilo and Neifile's dynamic so much in the Decameron it gave me this epiphany.

i know people barely read my shit here, just letting y'all know that while I will use romance tropes and etc, this won't be a regular love story (they still love each other just not that way)

[superstarnaptime]

Hiya Loon Lagoon! 👋

I love the movies you mentioned earlier. “The Secret of Nimh” is a favorite of mine! I’m excited to hear you and Gwen from the daycare enjoy it. I absolutely adore Mrs. Brisby and her bravery.

The summary (and insight!) you gave on “FazRangers in Space” was really neat. I haven’t seen it, since I don’t think I can access Fazbear Entertainment content on the web (to my knowledge). However, I was very interested in all of the character relationships you detailed! It seems you like narratives that center on its characters more than the plot (I’m assuming). Which I’m all for! An action movie can be fun, but it’s even better when you care for the people in the film! Sometimes I think (newer) movies can get too bogged down with cool CGI effects and forget that the audience needs to connect with the characters too.

Princess Bunnie really interested me! I wish I could’ve witnessed how her relationship with the FazRangers (particularly Chica) developed. I am curious about the significance of her true name, “Princess Stella.” Do you know if there’s a reason she had another name?

I am sad to hear about how Freddy’s character was diluted to be more simple for the target audience. I can understand it, but as an avid Freddy Fazbear fan, I would’ve loved to hear that his dynamic traits were utilized. Glad he had his moments though! Even though I’m older than the daycare kids, I can relate to being jealous about losing the spotlight of someone’s affections. It hurts, but it’s nice to know the film approached those complicated feelings well.

Do you write essays and articles about other movies too? If you want to share, I’d be happy to read them! You’re very good at pointing out the plot points and narrative flow in films. Thanks for the info, it was really nice!

(This is a longer one, haha. Don’t feel pressured to reply soon. There is a lot happening right now.)

LOON: OhmyFazbear. Someone who watched the FazRangers series. It’s so hard to find anyone else who still remembers it beyond nostalgia (nothing wrong with that I just want to talk critically about the show but no one can find it online so it’s really hard at this rate I might just reupload my memory file of it but it would be soooo sooo soooo illegal I would be terminated on sight)

PRINCESS STELLA I LOVE HER. I LOVE PRINCESS STELLA. OKAY so I think that Princess Stella had another name to show she actually was trying to be another person the whole time while going through the preliminary stages of friendship. Doesn’t everyone pretend to be a little more palatable when you start getting to know a stranger? I mean for a kids cartoon, this is pretty awesome, but I think I’m reading too much into it. Maybe. Also because I think they had a different design or idea for the character and changed it partway through production but couldn’t scrap it? i read a forum post on this but the forum got taken down because the thread was just arguing.

I absolutely agree that the character driven narrative here was so good for the show. Freddy didn’t get the development he deserves, but I feel like he doesn’t have a lot of room to be given a true and strong personality with meaningful flaws because he’s supposed to be what kids wanna be, right? A friendly, confident, humble, and honest character that helps his friends when they need him! FazBear Entertainment isn’t really into building strong and compelling character driven narratives for kids, since all of our favorite characters get put into episodic shorts, but this film… WOWZA!!

I have written a little ramble about this film because it’s like, one of the only ones I really enjoyed watching over and over in the video corner, but I need to edit and redo it so you can read it easier.

Also, that nickname is so very silly! I love it. Thank you, Friend Omm :)

⭐️ (LOON is happy you asked him about one of his special interests. You got a GOLD STAR. It has a beautiful, sparkling princess on it.)

[lotties-ashwagandha]

I'm sorry if this is awkward, please delete it if it is! But I love your fics and posts, we're the same age and I'm in a small town with not many queer people and can't talk to my family. How did you know you were a lesbian?

I've always used the term 'bisexual' because I'd feel bad about using the word lesbian and not actually be one or that I'll upset other lesbians if I used the word but I think I'm leaning to girls much more than bi? I can only see myself dating women, I much prefer women, I don't find any men irl attractive. I can see one and think that's an attractive guy but I don't personally find them attractive, they all gross me actually. But I find a couple of fictional characters that are men to be attractive but if they were real or if I met the actor, I don't think I would?

Am I even making sense? I'm sorry if this is gibberish and intrusive

thank you!!! this is not awkward or intrusive at all I COMPLETELY understand what you’re going through. it can be really hard to determine if you’re bi or lesbian, I identified as pan and then bi for a while before figuring it out and my sister actually identified as a lesbian for a while before figuring out that she’s bisexual. it can be hard to see which side you fall on.

I’m also from a small town with a very small queer community, so I understand that too. It can feel very isolating.

this is going to be one of my big long autistic explanations so I’m putting it under the cut. other lesbians please comment with your experiences as well if you’d like!

I don’t really remember the day that I specifically figured out that I was a lesbian, but I remember the feeling of oh shit this is right that came with it. when I had been using labels other than lesbian, for me it had been a sort of safety net so that if I ever did find a man attractive I could have that option open. I was also wary of identifying as a lesbian at first because I was scared of the way it would reveal me in a sense — we grow up being told that as women (or if you’re afab in general even if you don’t identify as a woman. I can’t speak for amab ppl on this) we WILL marry men and love men because that’s just how it is, and to realize an attraction to men doesn’t exist in you is scary.

I don’t find any men attractive, but when I was younger I used to pretend to or mix up casual friendship as wild romance. on a few different occasions before I started identifying as a lesbian I would pick men that I thought were good friends or good people and when my friends would ask me if I had a crush on anyone I would go YEP ITS HIM! even though if any of those men had ever tried flirting with me (or god forbid kissed me) I probably would have vomited all over them and screamed and ran away. I felt pressured to in some way force attraction or find some way I could still fit into liking men, and I kept wondering why I was so strange and had never ever found a man that I would want to go out on a date with. then I learned that if you experience romantic or sexual attraction, you aren’t supposed to have to pick people at random to find attractive. I figured out that everything I was supposed to have felt toward an attractive man — the nervousness and the admiration and the oh nice to meet you I would die for you — I had actually been feeling toward women.

again, I identified as pan and then as bi and then went unlabeled for a while because I wanted to keep the option open for men. but one day I realized that if I ever married a man I would be disappointed that I hadn’t married a woman and I would never truly be happy in a relationship with a man. I would never want to have sex with a man and I would never want to kiss a man or try to get to know a man in a romantic sense. honestly, and this will sound SO lame, but I watched the movie Carol and the TV show version of A League of Their Own and they changed my life LOL.

the best way I can describe being a lesbian and identifying with any label that includes men (be it bisexuality, queerness in general, or even going unlabeled) is like having two doors open in front of you and only ever going through the one on the right. the left door is open just in case you want to walk through it, but somehow you know that you never really will. and it feels good to say yes, it’s there if I need it, it’s open, but you can’t find it in yourself to take a step toward that door because you know that if you do, you will regret not going through the right door again.

I understand what you mean with being able to distinguish attractive men but not being attracted to them yourself. for example my sister will send me pictures of celebrity men she finds attractive and I’ll either go EWWWW or oh I can see the appeal. still not for me though. I saw it described on here at one point as looking at cool shoes or cars. you can see a pair of shoes and go oh those are some really nice shoes but you don’t have any interest in going out on a date with them or having sex with them. and trust me — I used to have a 50 chapter thomas shelby fic on wattpad. was I attracted to thomas shelby? I thought he was easier to look at than most men, but I would never fuck him or go out on a date with him or any other man. the real plot of my book was seeing how deeply emotionally tied my female OC could get to polly gray without it being a polly gray fic because noooo I would never be interested in women like that… 🏳️‍🌈

that’s my big lesbian story. one day it clicked for me that I was going to shut the left door (the man door) because I was never going to use it. I was happy to only go through the right door (the woman door) and I wouldn’t be upset without having the left door at all. if you’re not attracted to men, there’s a good chance you’re a lesbian.

let me just say, too, that no one should get upset with you for trying out new labels. we are all figuring shit out and sexuality is hard. if you start identifying as a lesbian and then decide it’s not for you and you’re really bi like you thought, then it doesn’t make you a bad person for identifying as lesbian for a while and it doesn’t mean you’re attacking lesbians or anything else.

and if you really are attracted to men as well as women in the end, bisexuality is so beautiful and I encourage it to be embraced as well if you decide you want to stick with identifying as bi. bisexual people have my entire heart and are such an incredible group of people.

I hope any of that resonates for you or that it’s helpful in some way. if you realize you’re a lesbian in the end or just want to try the label to see how it feels, consider this my formal welcome. we would love to have you. if not, then I’m cheering you on in any community you end up chilling with.

let me know if you have any other questions :) have an amazing day, anon.

[causesciencethatswhy]

https://www.tumblr.com/causesciencethatswhy/742925680934862848/nothing-more-annoying-than-supposed-neutral-fans

this might be a bit late but it’s just so perplexing and interesting to me how tkers a) have an absurd level of influence on the entire fandom and b) are legitimately much more insane than most delusional shippers even larries

as someone who was a tween when shipping really started to become a thing on the internet its fascinating (and disturbing) to see how it has gone from a casual and harmless “wow they look good together and have chemistry i want to see more of that” to “here is an entire dissertation’s worth of bogus theory about a same-sex pairing despite me being ragingly homophobic and probably mysoginistic.”

how it went from an admiration of chemistry and attraction to actual clinical delusion in a matter of years needs to be studied.

anyhow, i was thinking about all of the discourse surrounding jimin, jk, and the buddy system and am shocked by a couple of things. first, the complete undermining of their friendship despite them being ridiculously close for years. whether you like their dynamic or not it’s literally impossible to deny that jk and jimin have been thick as thieves for (at least) the past 5 or 6 years. I became an army in 2019 so it has always been obvious to me that they are extremely close. sure, you can make the argument that they didn’t “hang out” as much during 2023 but there’s still a considerable amount of interactions between them, much more than most of the other members who no army second guesses how close they are (the biggest example being jimin and taehyung who we literally only saw interact towards the end of the year).

second is how people literally pretend taennie never happened. hell, i think more people believe the blurry jk apartment video than they believe th and jn we’re in a real relationship for almost 2 years. there’s actual pictures of him on her BED with her kitty (a literal one) and you’ll still see majority of armys act like it never happened. yes, their privacy was horribly invaded but everyone knows damn well that is not the reason why most armys choose to ignore that relationship and then go and gush about him and IU.

though these two things might seem unrelated, i think both of these narratives that have always been pushed by tkers and have successfully crossed over to supposedly non-shipper armys and demonstrate just how influential tker theory is on the fandom.

this is exactly why i won’t really sweat over whatever a tkker says. if taehyung was in a long-term relationship for years that is confirmed by DOZENS of personal pictures through different dates, months, and locations but they still want to deny it… there’s simply nothing to reason with there. its just a waste of time and space. there’s a chance jikook have not been or are not more than close friends but there’s no chance th was with anyone other than jennie for the past 2 years in what is looked like the most serious relationship he’s ever had.

i feel bad for him too even if i feel he sometimes stokes the flames of shippers. imagine breaking up w your most serious partner ever, grieving that relationship AND your normal life since you’ll soon be part of the military for 2 years and all the while your “fans” are picking apart and making up insane theories about you and your friend.

I agree with most of what you say anon.

Of course we can't know for sure what the nature of jkks relationship last year was but I'm way more inclined to believe that their bond is still going as strong as it was before not just because of the buddy system news but purely because the ease and doting nature of the interactions we saw last year has remained the same.

And you're right, nothing will ever convince tkkrs to really just see the truth for what it is. There's always an alternative explanation, an alternative enemy to set your eyes on, an alternative ploy by the company to break the tkkr spirit. It's quite ridiculous. I think the worst thing with the taennie situation was that the whole 'It's an edit!! It's an impersonator!! It's a PR move by Jen/nie!!" Was that it wasn't just tkkrs buying into this. It was a majority of armys. The general fandom now looks back on taennie as 'a conspiracy to defame tae (except armys and blinks were the only ones who thought that these two adult humans possibly dating would be defamatory to either of them).

I legit had a very close irl army friend, whose not a shipper but still a pretty dedicated fan get into an argument with me because I told her that ppls reaction to tae dating was ridiculous. She word to word reiterated all the bs tkkr theories I had seen floating around and was unwilling to consider the possibility of them being made up conspiracies. I was genuinely surprised because she is generally very chill about these discourses but I guess the need to believe he wasn't dating a BP member took precedent over what the reality really was ??

Either way, it'll be interesting to see how they behave post 2025. I doubt they're going to calm down anytime soon with the jikook travel show on it's way. It's going to feed their theories as much as it's going to entertain the rest of us I'm afraid.

[tobiasdrake]

We return! At long last, the present!

You and me both. At least now I understand the context for why we miss him so badly. Even if it was a very long hike to get to this point.

I hope he's doing well for himself out there. And that he isn't evil.

THE BUSHES

ARE YOU SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW

THE FUCKING BUSHES

HOW LONG. HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN. IN THOSE BUSHES.

Holy fuck the anticlimax is killing me. All this time. All this time building tension surrounding Garl and he was hiding in the bushes giggling and plotting when to reveal himself.

I want to punch him in the face, then hoist him over my shoulders and hurl him off that cliff.

I want to kiss him on the mouth.

ARE YOU SHITTING ME.

I genuinely don't know if I'm hysterical with fury or glee but it's something right now. THE BUSHES.

Ten years later Garl picks up our friendship right where we left off, like none of that time even passed. I'm sobbing.

T_T You're going to join my party and I'm never going to let you go again. I will literally trade Zale for you if I have to. How hard can his skills be to replace? It's sun magic.

My dude left after us but somehow managed to get so far ahead of us that he was able to hide in these bushes and lurk. That's skill. I don't even know when he could have--

Oh, wait. I spent like half a day fishing to get coin together to buy equipment from a merchant.

Yeah. Okay. That was probably it. I am not. Very good. At doing things urgently. I should probably take this as a learning experience and work on improving myself. But I will not.

YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTHS YES HE CAN

If we send Garl away I'm going to be so fucking mad oh my god

Oh, okay, we just had to put up some token resistance so we could pretend like we did our jobs correctly. When Moraine complains we can be like, "Sorry, we did everything we could but it just wasn't meant to be. The forces of destiny wanted too badly for Garl to be with us."

Archivist said that we did something wrong and everyone died the first time around but this time we were going to do something right. I don't know if he was talking about bringing Garl along. Maybe the first time around, we really did make Garl go home and that was a terrible mistake.

But I hope it is. If Garl winds up being the Lynchpin of Destiny that means we win and save the universe or whatever, I will be a very happy person.

Probably mist, if we're being honest.

Yeah, that looks like mist. Got a whole-ass mistfall here. Who wants to bet that the Elder Mist is at the source of mistfall? If I was an Elder Mist, that's where I'd be.

...shit, maybe the mistfall is the Elder Mist.

Okay, this looks even more mystery than that other mystery door. What the hell is this even supposed to be? And why doesn't it respond to our magic when it clearly looks like it should respond to our magic.

You cut that out before I pee in your water source. I have been climbing cliffsides for hours with the sound of running water keeping me company, do not test me.

We're doing something different than other Solstice Warriors do because we're cooler than them.

You know, I was wondering what identified a mist as elder. He has to be controlling that. There's no way that giant mist moustache is anything but a personal choice.

It's working for him. I dig it. You do you, Elder Mist.

I'm going to remember that. I've already been lied to by one ancient immortal. If, later in the quest, I have to do a special something to unlock the ability to illuminate a dark dungeon, I'm going to put you on my shit list too.

Garl's already shattering cultural barriers and proving his awesomeness. There is no separating him from us now. Try it and you'll get the sternest of glares in your life. In stereo.

Okay, so we have another tutorial dungeon for the new mechanic, then? That makes sense. Here, we finally learn how to "use magic without using magic".

You know, after all the talking-up that's been done to this point about "using magic without using magic" including its vague and mysterious name, I'm kinda disappointed that it just amounts to a minor boost to attack power in battle.

Like, it's a cool mechanic, but I don't feel like it's living up to the hype. I'm sure it will be really important when it allows us to damage things that are arbitrarily immune to anything but this one mechanic, but I'm not really feeling the excitement.

[markets]

hi markets how is life going for u bc basically the guy who was my best friend for years well we stopped talkign last spring completely bc long story short he was Very in love with me and i could not get myself to feel the same even though i TRIED girl i genuinely tried sohard but that just ended up with him feelinbg led on and hurt and asked to never speak to me again hahalol well yeah he just texted me out of the blue bc he got a leaked frank ocean song and sent it me. because he knows i love frank ocean and knew i wouldg love it and whAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT DOESNT HE REALIZE THAT NOW THIS SONG WILL BE FOREVER ATTACHED TO THE FEELING OF GUILT AND HEARTBREAK AND ILL NEVER BE NORMAL ABOUT A SONG THAT WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE RELEASED AND WILL ONLY EVER EXIST AS AN ATTACHMENT IN OUR MESSAGES????? anyway yeah. the song wasgood

ANON. anon listen to me because i literally had this exaxt same situation with my (now ex) best friend SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL almost two years ago. i also tried and i also accidentally led on and hurt them and they didnt ask me to never speak to them again and actually jsut ignored me all summer instead and likely got all our shared friends (aka most of my friends lol) to do the same so i just didnt bother trying to reconnect once school started again. im also currently on the other end of this kind of as the best friend who took that old best friends place (though we probably wouldve ended up becoming best friends even without that whole mess i hope) broke up with me after a few very good months of dating and a few very bad ones and i asked him not to speak to me for a while but then decided to reconnect with (which judging by the fact that im active on tumblr could be going better).

so yeah now that ive given you my credentials heres what you do you thank him if you havent already and tell him you hope hes doing well and then you put your phone down and go on a walk far far away from it and think about the whole thing. that isnt the best advice because there realyl is no good advice for this situation its one of those things that tears you apart and then points at you and says haha oh YOURE torn apart you say wow what a selfish asshole haha!! but honestly its so clear to me just from this one ask that you care about him so much and im sure he can see that too. if hes texting you he can at least see it a little, and if you would like to do so im sure your friendship is salvagable. the person who put me as the heartbreak emoji in their "people i had feelings for this year" tik tok last december invited me to their house last month and we laughed and joked even though last time i had been there i had been pretending to feel something i could only wish i truly felt. and i dont think theirs an effort more admirable and beautiful than trying to save something like that, than looking the world straight in the eyes and saying "you want me to leave this for dead but i wont because i CARE and that means something." i mean if he wants too of course. which if he sent the text he might thats kind of how i wnet about it when i tried to reconnect too. maybe take this with a grain of salt because im in a highly emotional time in my life but all im going to say is im sorry anon. i know how awful it is to lose a best friend. and im hoping everything goes well for both of you

[boozedupbluberry]

Small introspection info dump!

Lately, I've been thinking to myself. The other night I had a small episode which lasted a few hours.

Its one where I know that it's not true but I myself can't assure it away. I had been speaking with my gf earlier that day and we were talking about how positive our relationship is. I understand that im sure im pretty a pretty good partner and I try to be, but sometimes when I sit and think I start to think I relise there is someone better than me. There may be things I could never fulfill in my partner.

Im pretty sure I started feeling this way when my partner said they were going out and doing something that sounded like it would be fun to do. But then I think I got a magor hit of FOMO(fear of losing out). This has happened to me a lot in the past just due to my own insecurities. I've never been super social and im not great at interacting, just due from my own experience. I have this thing where I think im super boring, that my life is boring, and that im losing out on core memories, instead trapped in my bed rotting with the bad ones. I often get trapped, like I can't get out of it. I imagine myself ten years in the future just as alone as I am now, just deprived of human interaction, just as socially inept, just as stupid as I am now. I get into spirals like this where I feel super upset like I could shut down, although to others I'm great at masking it.

My grandmother basically wanted to teach me how to mask. Doing lessons about it. Encouraging eye contact, smiling at strangers(that I do not know), and trying to make an effort to make people I don't like think I do. I relised when talking to her about it that my world view is just completely different than others, when I go around my friends I relise my life and worldview is completely different than others, that I dont even know what a normal relationship is supposed to feel like, and I wish and I yearn but no matter how hard I try I am inable to achieve such a goal. I relised its far more abnormal to have to pretend to be normal just to navigate through life, to pretend to enjoy people you hate, to smile and fake it to make it easier, and to hide who you really are from everybody else. To an extent everyone does this, you can't show who you fully are to everyone but to go out of your way to avoid it only feels distopian. I have gotten to a point where it only feels natural though. To mask my emotions, I can seem visible uncomfortable but even if you'd ask me ide tell you I'm fine. Its as if im not aloud to express negative emotion as I feel it will only be used against me in every context. Not in a way where i cant say no, but to where if its not yes or no, if it's deeper than that like if its emotional i just default to emediatly handling it myself. I dont even know how to tell people sometimes.

I feel like I will never be able to act "normal". I'm not social enough to naturally learn ques but learning them feels worse?

Anyway, whenever I think bout that to long, if I feel to alone, I will begin to spiral and I just don't know how to express it. So oddly I've noticed my brain takes care of itself. As in there are basically two people in my head. One that panics and one that comforts? Sometimes it is actual comfort but others its connecting myself with reality. They both feel separate from me, two voices talking to create one functioning person. One is detached and delusional. For example, a while back I was super upset and I began PRAYING TO PRINCESS LUNA (my little pony friendship is magic) for context I had just been kicked out of my school due to a pretty traumatic event and i deeply relate to princess luna and always have. I as sobbing and crying into a pillow for dear life and then a voice in my head goes "she's not real, she is from a fictional TV show. She is just as fake as any idolized God and she cannot help you with your struggles. You can handle everything that has happened just as you have in the pat. Everything will be ok".

I can't even control it either, it just happens and I let them talk. It feels like me but it doesn't. Although the only thing the logical voice in my head is bad with is trust. Its almost like an internal battle with myself when im comforting myself like I myself don't even believe it. But I'm saying what I know is true and will make me feel better. Everything is a constant painful internal battle i swear😭😭

Also, here is a work in progress:D

[esquie]

I don't know if you still judge hear me outs, but I have two for you.

The swarm and the (true) aeon from pathfinder wrath of the righteous.

ok so i havent played potr long enough to get to pick any of these so i have no experience with the swarm and the aeon paths (i am so sorry, i will eventually.....)

i know the swarm wont let you have companions or rather they all fuck off when you become a swarm, or the swarm... and it's like a "true evil" path ?? when i read about this i went "oh ok thats the challenge run path" LMAO

and i know true aeon is basically like tunon from tyranny in that you are all about law and justice like a true "lawful neutral" alignment? so there's no room for romance or friendship or empathy or anything ...

so honestly i can only really judge these based on those simple understandings and how they look. which is cool af

swarm is literally like bugs right? its a bug hivemind? a bunch of bugs who hide in people shape clothes as not to be discovered so they can feast on people right? bugs that eat people? companions leave cuz you, the bugs, would eat them, probably?

i feel like that alone makes swarms a hear me out right ? its bugs . you wanna fuck like 100,000 bugs that hide inside clothes sometimes when theyre not feasting on flesh and eating people. theyd probably just eat you, i assume. if its as 'evil' as google informed me, i do not think anyone would be safe. you want to be feasted upon by lots of bugs . bugs that can come together and communicate, i assume, bughive mind things, yknow. but. it doesnt sound very safe over here.

theres that level of 'how would this work' and an extra level of 'will you survive' i'm saying it won't work and you will die. GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND !

though i do think its kinda cute how u can say those glowing yellow eyes are like fireflies that are pretending to be eyes because ur past-humanoid self kinda wants to be a lil humanoidy still . also eyes makes u pretend to be humanoidy still to eat people easier i suppose ^_^

tldr this is a hear me out have fun enjoy urself. while u CAN

i'd say aeon fits into my "you're their hear me out" category that's unique to characters i feel like they need to look at you and be like ehhhh you know i can't help it i think it's kinda hot don't judge me LMAO

so like please correct me if i'm missing some info but like realistically aeon is just a person who looks really gorgeous like stars and constellations and a pretty blue shade like aeon LOOKS REALLY STUNNING so like i can see many people being attracted to aeon because visually its a stunning design . personality might be a bit fucked but still just a person. thats a judge of court who looks gorgeous .

you'd have to tell me exactly what "true" aeon is cuz google did not help me beyond romance doesnt seem to work out or something ?? cuz aeon protag doesnt care for emotions no more or something?? idk.

tldr aeon is NOT a hear me out . its too conventually attractive. thats a human shaped star system. if it was just a star system with no human shape maybe maybe.

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

can I ask your honest advices on something personal? so I get next to no communication from a now former friend, I had some hunch to ask a reader if said friend dislikes me and the answer came back as yes so I recently googled if ignoring someone or not reaching out to them via texts can count as them being jealous or having some dislike? yet they still send the bday present and xmas card or present as do I but I feel like its a cheap way when I know she practically lives online but I barely here from her so I dont really know what to do? we havent met in years and she makes next to no effort to seem interested in what im doing even if I try to take interest in herself as a friend it feels very one sided even when we used to meet up it would always be about her and never any follow up questions.

I know she has a disablity of some kind however the effort she puts into her other friends is vastly different. if she messages me its once in a blue moon and only to ask if I want to do a quiz, now I stopped checking my online profiles so much because like it seemed she was much more into what she got from others i dont want to feel desperate by constantly trying to fix whatever this "friendship" was supposed to be. do i ask her or do i wonder about it? if she dont tell me how am i gonna know what to do about it because many ppl been like her even when I was in school I was always dealing with ppl who pretended to care when they didnt. I didnt know any better then so it feels like ppl r just only using me if they need me for that certain point otherwise they fuck off and find "better friends" elsewhere like am i that replaceable or weird?

is this petty of me to want to ignore her back or is it mostly her behaviours towards me? the thing is I have dealt with many ppl like her and it doesnt put her in a good light it gives trying to be nice to my face but for all I know she could be chatting shit with someone about me? and shes quite popular online. hence why it feels like im always bottom of her priorities since always having to instigate a conversation felt like conversing with a brick aka it was going nowhere. I know her disability cant prevent her from being a decent person but do I just leave her? yet this whole present giving thing really isnt it for me. its giving oh I will just send her something to make it seem like she cares when she dont message or try to get in touch nor does she want to meet up. all her messages in recent years have been so short almost too blunt

does this sound like jealousy or regular dislike? sorry for rambling again but im so effing tired of these types of ppl who act like they care to have a friendship but then half ass their way out of it, it doesnt help that we moved since long ago so we cant be closer physically as friends. But I feel like my existance bothers her for some unknown reasons. as I told the tarot reader im nothing special heck im not the popular one she is if anything I would guess she was quite popular that she simply didnt need me? You would think if we was real friends she would make a bit more effort cause sometimes theres things I wanna tell her but am like wait she dont care so im not gonna bother cause she want certain replies and comments yaknow?

thanks so so much in advance if you read all of this!!! I love your blog and readings so felt comfortable to ask you for your thoughts hope you dont mind the rant there!

Honestly that’s an awful situation to be in. In my opinion, it’s not necessarily jealousy. She just doesn’t like you, point blank period.

Now, I can admit I’m the type who’s on my phone a lot but can sometimes miss people’s messages, and I’m not good with reaching out first. But that’s not a good behavior. And at least if she liked you she’d be interested when you’re talking, which is something I do. And she’d be there for you. And at least she could come around to responding eventually instead of flat out ignoring you and only contacting you when she needs you.

It seems like to me she’s keeping you around so she can have more people clinging to her and chasing her to fuel her ego. It’s more an ego thing than a genuine like. She does not like you. I’d bet she doesn’t even necessarily tolerate you. But she likes your attention.

She likes the experience of being worshipped and chased. Knowing she doesn’t have to try and you will just chase and follow her to the ends of the earth.

[nerfedbytheuniverse]

Posting here because some school friends or mutual friends thereof follow my main blog.

I desperately want to remember who I was before I was this scared of everything and everyone.

I don’t know how long ago that would even be. When did I get so closed-off and withdrawn? Was it my amino buddies, the first time around? Maybe the second?

We’re not even going to talk about HER (my abuser) because I know *she* fucked me up, but I can’t pretend that was the whole reason. I recall being able to make friends between 2013 and 2018, even if I was weird and anxious. I was still a people-pleaser and socially anxious to a degree, but there are currently people in my life that I trust enough to walk around school with alone or leave my backpack and other belongings with. It scares me a little, but I can do it.

So what’s the problem? Why am I still struggling so hard?

I’m going to come right out and say that I lowkey have a school bestie, because even though all of those school friends are besties, this particular one is just Special. As I say when I want the lowest commitment answer ever, “the vibes are good”.

In reality, I know it has a little to do with the fact that, however informal and small, he did technically have an authority position in the setting we met in. And I know that he’s kind, compassionate, helpful, and wise.

But he’s still a twenty-something year old guy who tells video game npcs to “kys” and makes sex jokes sometimes in ways that guys just kinda do. Not to gender that experience but it’s just. Idk familiar maybe??

To get to the point, I trusted him enough to tell my mom in January, after having emailed him in april and met him irl in september (so not knowing him for long by my standards] “so on Friday between [penultimate thing] and [last thing I had on campus] I’ll be hanging out with [friend]” and that was it. That was all the protection I thought I needed. And you know what happened? We walked around and talked about random shit for 2 hours!

Nothing bad happened. And that’s a big sign of trust for me, to just walk around with someone I don’t know that well. So I trust him enough for that. I trust him in general. But I do not trust him to tell me if I’m being a problem, and I don’t trust him enough to believe him when he says something I do is fine.

I don’t trust it. Not because of him, but because so many people have claimed the same and didn’t follow through until they were ready to be hurtful or explosive. On a rational level, I believe him, but there’s still so much anxiety and worry

He’s not the only one, but we’ve had several small online hangouts this week, so he’s the one freshest in my mind. I’m still doubting the strength, quality, and even the nature of our friendship, because “what’s the catch, there has to be one”.

Or take another school friend. She’s the president of a school org and I’m the vice president under her. I see her once a week usually and sometimes I text her. I want to talk to her more but I don’t know what to talk about. So I ramble for the entire hangout and she chimes in and the conversation goes where it goes and I love it but it leaves me with more questions than answers.

I remember when I used to actually ask the questions instead of just thinking them.

I have yet another who is an out of state student, and much like the School Bestie in scenario A, that means we don’t see each other irl right now. I’ve gotten slow to respond lately because I noticed I reply with the same few phrases all the time. Because I’m still masking and hiding who I am, wrapping myself in this concept of social acceptability which is not even good, it literally never worked for me. So I dilute my opinions and ideas more often than not.

There are even more stories, but I’m paranoid of any of them finding this because they’d so figure out its me.

Point being that I had all these ideas of how I’m supposed to interact to be safe and not get hurt. Mainly because with one supposed “friend”, it wasn’t just emotional hurt. And I dialed back the parts I thought were weird. Hid the parts that were overly honest or blunt, the parts that were mushy and sappy, the part that joked and laughed and smiled all the time. And now I can’t get it back. It lives in my head 24/7 but then my anxiety kicks in and filters it in the silliest of ways.

so I can’t just say things like “thanks for talking with me, I really appreciate your company and I think you’re really cool”, at least not all at once. It comes in short bursts of courage.

There’s so much anxiety because it’s like

What if it’s weird

What if I’m too much

What if they take it the wrong way and think I’m flirting with/crushing on them

What if they assume I’m sucking up

What if they’re not trustworthy and I just basically showed that I’m already attached, and therefore exploitable

What if I make things awkward

What if they think I’m compliment fishing

When does this become oversharing

And probably other things I’m forgetting. The point is that I wonder a lot lately about who I was before I was scared. I want to get back to being that loving, mushy, overly happy person who just loved everyone so much.

I mean, when I was like 9 I had a friend and I made up a little song about how cool she was and she was fine with it but her mom wasn’t for some reason.

But I need that energy back because here’s the thing: I’ve already learned that these friends like honest answers, or at least to be asked, “honest answer or pretty answer?”

And that has helped me to sugarcoat and tiptoe a little less.

But I just can’t get the hang of throwing out the filter. So instead of pointing out a friend’s strengths or good qualities or something like that in a situation where it’s relevant, I just go “hehe, nice” or something like that.

I’m always editing or silencing myself and I know it’s the fear that things won’t work out and I’ll get hurt again.

My intuition tells me it’s fine and I have time with these ones before anything goes seriously wrong, but even with that, even trusting the signs I see, I can’t seem to fix it. I can’t seem to be myself.

Sometimes, I think I don’t know who myself is.

[mariahsparkle206]

guess this will be something i bring up in therapy lmao. 

so... i lost my grandpa end of may. and that was devastating. he was my father figure, head of the house, mentor, parental figure, friend, etc. we really connected and are in many ways similar. 

anyway - when it happened i called someone i once considered my best friend and first thing she says “omg are you going to sue the hospital”... i ended that call very quickly and couldn’t believe my ears. when you loose someone and are reaching out, thats not what someone should say or ask. its just not. 

i have realized ive made excuses for her our entire friendship. well she has protective parents, well shes young, well she has anxiety, well this and that... and in our entire friendship it has been me reaching out to her. its been me comforting her. its been me listening to her at least 85% of the time. 

I’ve been in grief, i am grieving. And because of this, I haven’t been as interactive as i was before. i havent been social. i’ve been even more depressed than normal. So needless to say, that phone call was the last one we had. 

Before his service, i messaged her asking if she wanted to help me find a dress or outfit. i told her when it was and where it was. she said she would help me, then she ghosted me. wouldnt respond to my calls, wouldnt respond to my messages. fine. she didnt help me find an outfit, she didn’t show up to the service, she didnt send any card or flowers or messages. 

 i reached out to her again when her dog died, even sent flowers to her. she said thanks. thats been that. I reached out to her again, she said she wasn’t feeling well so we shouldn’t hang out. 

I understand that she is going through something - shes pregnant. didn’t invite me to the gender reveal, didn’t invite me to the baby shower - but, considering ive reached out, ive been trying and im going through something too i think says it all. i dont ask for much - a call, a message, something. she can’t be bothered. 

i can’t make excuses anymore. im done trying to. im done fighting to have people in my life. i understand people get busy and go on different paths - but for someone you call your best friend to loose someone so close to them and so important and you don’t even send a single message in over 3 months... says a lot about how much you value that “friendship” lmao. especially when you don’t even try to include them in something so monumentally important in your life. 

im so sick and tired of always being told that i have to be the making an effort when its a two way fucking street. and honestly, what has she added to my life? what value has she brought? - drama, sure. guess whats done is done.