#but hopefully hell need me again in the future cuz it was the best money i ever made loll

[crybabyfucktoy]

this guy paid me $100 so he could worship my feet after work the other day👀 I let him smell my socks and take them off my feet, he sucked my toes in btwn some nude cleaning (him nude😏). Suck some toes, do some vacuuming, take a break to worship my feet, then clean the coffee table lol. Once I was done with him, I told him he could go and gave his cock a little stroke with my foot. He thanked me over and over as he left🤭

I let him keep the socks and on his drive home, he sent me a pic of him with my socks stuffed in his mouth 🧦 he said he nearly came when I touched him with my foot earlier too💦 I'm honestly such a sub, but it was so fun being the domme for once🤐

[praphit]

Happy New Year! (hopefully, cuz... whew!)

Ugh! Let's get this year over with; what do you say?? I don't even want to rehash the year like I normally would around this time of year.

Pre-COVID seems like so long ago: We were out at bars, games, concerts, and parties of strangers. We were dancing all up on each other, we were passing the bottle around, we were grabbing all kinds of doorknobs with no concerns. Kids were planning to soon graduate and step into their hopeful, bright futures. Adults were planning vacations around the world to escape a once hopeful present.

Times were good! Look at this groundhog eating pizza. 

Not a care in the world.

And then, Thanos snapped his fingers, the world turned into shit, and we all realized how much we cared about Tom Hanks.

Can you imagine if that were literal? I think someone should get another gauntlet and turn planets into literal piles of crap. A new villain - "Poopfingers"

Ew... I know. I'm sorry.

Like I said, I don't want to talk about that stuff. I'd rather focus on entertainment instead. Join me for a few awards that I like to call "The Praphies"

MOVIE OF THE YEAR -

"WAP"

I know what you're thinking - "That's not a movie." Meh, it's movie-ish.

It's got two protagonists, whom are trapped in a mansion. It kinda reminds me of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, but instead of chocolate being manufactured, we'd got... pleasure. Who doesn't want more pleasure after the year we've had??

There's a lot of weird things happening in the mansion, so that’s good for the plot. Plus, these ladies are all about... empowerment? - I guess?

Sure.

Kylie Jenner shows up for some reason, so I'm sure she's up to something; maybe she's the villain. And according to the lyrics "there's some whores in this house". Will they get rid of the "whores"? Will they embrace the whores? Perhaps this word will be taken back, and used as a term of endearment.

As mama looks at her daughter, walking bravely back into schools some day "That's my lil whore." Maybe we're all whores - what a twist.

It's a good picture. One of Scorsese's best. He did direct it right? I think so.

BEST ACTOR -

This one was a close race for me:

Jeanise Jones (Borat 2 - on the right) 

This woman, who was not in on the joke, deserves a medal. She's the star.

Joe Exotic (The Tiger King)

Anyone standing behind Trump during those Rona briefings, who can hold a straight face.

Technically, Joe and Jeanise aren't actors, and Trump's people are... you know, TRUMP'S people, so I give the award to Mario Lopez for his role as Sexy Colonel Sanders.

Did y'all watch "A Recipe for Seduction?" It's entertaining. It was my runner-up for MOY.

SHOW OF THE YEAR -

Easy - "The Tiger King" for keeping us all together in the beginning of this 2020 corona mess.

Which leads me to MY person of the year (cuz let's be honest, Uncle Joe and Kamala... no)

The POY is -

Carole Baskin - 

We all know that she murdered her husband, and yet she took over Joe's zoo property, continues her animal rights activism while being openly weird as hell, and was last seen being applauded on "Dancing with the Stars".

Only in America.

Animated action of the year - “Soul” for bringing us this negro, 

played by Tina Fey :)

I’m just joking ( I love Tina Fey)... well, she does play him, but it’s not like that; still makes me laugh though. At least she didn’t have to worry about blackface.

I like my action flicks. They all can't be tear-jerkers like "WAP".

Which leads us to ACTION HERO OF THE YEAR --- Kiera Allen

If you saw the movie "Run" then you know this actress. She is the acrobatic, wheelchair-bound star of the movie. She is in a wheelchair in real life. In this movie she breaks through one window, climbs across a rooftop, breaks through another window, all with water in her mouth for a special finishing trick to end the scene. And she throws herself down a couple of flights of stairs. Let's see Liam Neeson try to do that!

I'm serious when I say - I expect to see her in the next "Fast & Furious" film.

Award for LEAST FUX GIVEN - Ricky Gervais, for lighting Hollywood on fire.

Athlete - TEAM JLo and Shakira

 --- sidelined me (I attempted to dance like Shakira at work) and sent souls to hell 

(that's some powerful booty shaking... and or just another example of white people being mad at brown people for existing)

SONG OF THE YEAR - 

Vin Diesel’s "Feels like I do" - not up for debate. 

Name another action star in 2020 with a single.

Album of the Year - "The Lion King: The Gift / Black is King" - by Beyonce

We didn't feel much like royalty, but at least we were being heard... well, for a lil bit; a lot more than I ever remember us being heard.

Remember when white people in Hollywood felt so much shame that they did this?

We had corporations like the NFL tryna pretend to be woke. Aunt Jemima and that Native American woman on the butter were freed

 (though they did keep the land).

White people were afraid, and thought that perhaps this album was going to spark the second coming of Black Jesus.

It's interesting -  black people protested (mostly peacefully); wanting justice, and white people got anxious.   People started rioting and looting because of injustices rooted to this country's original sin, and white people, who's ancestors committed this sin, shook their heads at us in shame. Black people and anyone (of any color) standing with them were treated as hostiles, while white people with guns, shooting at black people were hailed as heroes.

What a time. 

I wish Black Jesus really did come back to these Beyonce tunes.

Oh, and this stuff happened too

Toobin (Ha! This guy )

ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR (4 years straight)- 

Trump

It's not even close. I was going to suggest that the dude from "The Vow" being a strong runner up, but even that would be disrespectful to Trump's assholery.

The world was on fire (metaphorically and literally), and Trump as our leader, threw gasoline on it. "BLM" came along to be heard and get justice for George Floyd, and Trump convinced his worshippers that BLM is a terrorist group. He shot away protesters, so he could pose awkwardly with a bible (doing God's work - this “work” included telling us to do the opposite of what physicians around the world plead with us to do during a pandemic, pushing drugs on us that these same physicians say no to, and telling us to inject ourselves with bleach. Hallelujah!). He accused Biden of corruption (pot calling kettle black). He loses to Biden, but fights the results with zero evidence, and at the sore loser rallies, there were stabbings and arrests, to which Trump praises their efforts.

A round of applause for the Michael Jordan of Assholes.

Donald J. Trump!

RESPECT!

Lastly, The Praphie (most coveted of awards)

The nominees are -

Kaylen Ward - raised over one million dollars for the Australia fires relief, by passing out nude photos of herself... yep. Seriously, look it up. Well, maybe don’t do that:)

Michael Jordan -  "The Last Dance" was the only sports content for a sports addict like myself. MJ was the drug we needed.

Dr. Fauci - Really for putting up with us. 

Dave Chappelle - a hell of a year for him. Plus, he was dropping N-Bombs and smoking on SNL

The Fly on Mike Pence's head. 

Kamala Harris

Cardi B - just because

The winner is - Dave Chappelle

Not only for his great year in comedy (in this bleeped up year), but he has evolved into a modern day prophet. Who would have thought that the guy who made "Half Baked"

would be the one we'd seek out when racial tensions got to the highest levels this year??

Kaylen Ward would have won it, if she had continued her efforts. She could have raised some funds for Greta Thunberg. She could have used her nudity along-side protesters, or even joined doctors around the world, raising money for a vaccine. Smh. That's a shame.

In thinking about Chappelle's evolution, I'm reminded that we're all processing and changing as a result of this year. Some will change for the better, and others for the worse. Some will go to the depths only to rise up again. Regardless, of how you handle it, it's important to know who your true peeps are. Who loves you? Who’s got your back? Who do you love?  We're all going to need true peeps to help us endure. Which leads me to my slogan for next year.

"If you love something let it go, if it doesn't return to you. Hunt it down and kill it." Idk about you, but that touches my heart.

Enjoy yourselves as much as you can tonight, and by that I mean safely :) Some of you might want to consider going to bed early, just to end this year faster.

Happy New Year, everyone!

[thefallenarbiter]

READ ME!!!!!

>>>>>>> NOTE!!! DRAWING WITH EVERYONE's CHARACTER WHO WAS NOTIFIED TO THIS POST IS TOWARDS THE MIDDLE!!<<<<<<<<

SPEED PAINTS/ PROCESS OF ART

---------HERE 1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_ZxtQ6RhA4 HERE ---------

2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vys4D71bgAw&feature=youtu.be

  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=592zJhAAFok

STORY WITH DRAWING DOWN HERE

---------------------------------  -----------------------------  ---------------------

-------------

   -------

     ---

      -

Midnight Trick and Treat

“This is the perfect chance to take all those snacks,” Olive said with such glee that I had to glance over to make sure they didn't hear her. Evia hushed her before she could let out another booming cry of desire. Olives ears quickly perked down, a pout was on her face from being hushed. I watched as Evia rolled her eyes but gave a quick lick to her ears. The fur on Olive's cheeks somehow turned a rosy red from blushing. But her ears perked back up, a wolfy grin was on her face again.

I held in a groan. This was was not a good plan. We were hidden between the grass, its long blades kept both me and Olive hidden but Evias horns poked through when she shifted her weight. Looking back at the ground I watched as they chatted between one another. I noticed a pattern as one would move their mouths and the others would laugh not long after. Olive followed my gaze but her eyes were stuck on the unguarded bags of treats.

A devilish grin formed on Olives face, ”We gotta get those treats. Ill split all the bags with you two.” she said.

“I dunno Olive, It doesn't sound like a very good-” I stopped when I looked back over at Olive. A grin was placed on her mouth while her eyes tarted between me and the treats. I nearly shivered when I looked at Evia. Half her face was hidden behind Olives but I could see her eyes narrowed dangerously at me with a scowl. When our eyes met she started to mouth something to me. I stared at her mouth, what is she trying to say to me-..Oh. Her claws began to tap the ground impatiently.

I laughed softly, ”Oh god Olive, I knew leaving all the ideas to you was just a fantastic idea! Nothing will go wrong!” I said with the biggest, fakest smile I could muster. You couldn't blame me for lying. You really couldn't when you were stuck between pleasing a giant warrior and a tiny dog who could make you regret anything if you upset her.

“S-so what's our plan?” I asked, the tapping stopped. I held back a sigh of relief at least one of them is pleased with my answer.

“Oh it's pretty simple, we're gonna sneak up right up to them and they won't even notice a thing! It's gonna be great!”

Oh my god, we're going to die. Were so dead. Dead,dead,dead. She's going to get us killed! I laughed nervously. Maybe I can eat a few candies before they catch us. Yeah, that sounds less bad than dying on an empty stomach I thought. The panic I was feeling felt less bad when I thought of this.

“Well, we better get this over and done with! I'm just DYING to get all that candy.”

Olive must have agreed with me because her face lit up but quickly disappeared in the mass of grass as she crawled away.

Evia smirked at me, ”If all hell breaks loose and I have to choose one of you, I'm choosing Olive.” her smirk widened when my eyes grew in size with my mouth agape. She quickly slithered after Olive. I stayed where I was for a moment before following suit. The grassed softly brushed my sides as I crawled through slowly. When I lost sight of Evia I peeked my head out to see a large white wolf sitting on a bench. I tilted my head as a bag of candy was right under them. They were distracted by the messages on their phone. I peered at the candy and nearly sighed in relief. The wire was under their leg to keep it from falling which meant one less person after us during the run.

I quickly hid back into the safety of the grass and proceeded to follow the scent of both Evia and Olive. My ears tilted towards the left at the sound of rushing water. I suddenly felt thirsty but pushed on. I spent a few seconds crawling before stopping. Evia was facing me and when she saw me she pushed me past her. When I was right next to Olive she stopped, I glanced around than stared at Olive puzzled.

Her eyes moved to the area ahead of us, I followed her gaze than wished I had made them both upset. The group was right in front of us, each one chatting away as their bags laid helplessly on the bench closest to them. I looked back at Olive who looked at me expectantly. I quickly looked away so she wouldn't see my panicked expression.

I slowly began to crawl forward and paused when one of them shifted more than 60 degrees. When I made it to the bench safely, I observed the bags, each had different animals which held the candies inside. I slowly moved my head forward, grabbing of the largest bag which Evia helped me put down. Once it was released she had a firm hold on the end. I then grabbed ahold of two sets of strings, I pulled softly until the bags were softly nestled on the ground. Olive reached forward, bit onto the wires and held them in her mouth like Evia.

I glanced at the last bag, it's pumpkin eyes staring intently at me. I gulped nervously. I

slowly took a step forward with my head outward to bite the string. With a snap, the twig underneath my claws broke in half. Any conversation that the group had halted, they all turned towards me all at once to see the source of the noise.

I smiled nervously, ”Hello! My name is Sona. It's nice to meet all of you-” I paused when Olive and Evia made a run for it. The group let out shocked cries looking between me and the runaways. I bit into the wire and made a dash for it. The sounds of feet stomping and yelling were right behind me. This is all Olives fault.

Birthday gift for @Spoopy-snek

Don't kill me pls

So For your bday, I decided to draw a group picture that involves your friends. Side note I'm sorry if I forgot anyone. I tried finding everyone and drawing them but again I'm sorry if I forgot anyone.;n; But If I did miss any close friend go ahead and comment saying that you were forgotten so when I do something big like this again I can add all her friends.

Happy Birthday old lady!!!! I hope you have a fantastic bday and get to celebrate it, friends and family. DONT DO DRUGS. Drugs are restricted on your bday and I will steal all dem drugs for myself >: ) BUt ANyway… Happy birthday to my closest buddy! <33333 You mean so much to me and always got to use your bday as a way to spoil you with love and art cuz you deserve it!!! Even tho you're a major butthead but two can play with fire!!! I really hope you have a fantastic day!! you so much. I'm so thankful to have met you and I can't believe we've been friends for 6 years???!!! Wow, time really flies I can't believe we're so old now. You meet me when I was basically a smol gorl. Like much wow were both getting so freaking old. (as my lollipop decides that falling is a better idea than living,,,) But again I'm so freaking thankful we're friends, you've been there for me for so long and I can't thank you enough for sticking with my ugly butt. You helped me through much whether it be mentally or with anything. You've been there for me and when I get money I'm gonna try to repay you for everything that you've helped me through with gifts. You're my closest friend Olivia and without you, I would be in a different place. I doubt I would be the same if it weren't for you. You always had my back no matter once. Every time I lost someone close to me whether it be family or relationship wise you've helped me stay strong and keep going. Honestly ilu so much you big softy and I'm so sorry we don't hang out enough. I really want to return the favor and help you in any way I can because you're my best friend Olivia. Were both total nerds and goofballs who love videos games way to much and basically kill our characters lmao. I can't wait to spend the rest of our life as besties. We need to seriously meet in person tho. We have been friends for so long but I only ever see you through your photos. We have to meet eventually because your my best friend and we've been through thick and thin together. If we don't meet I'm sending the squirrel after you!!!! I'm so glad we have each other even if we lost all our other friends through time even tho I miss them, I can't wait to spend our time together through hell and heaven. We're gonna kick life's butt and get through everything together. Hopefully, we both can hang out more often because we're both busy bees and never get the chance ;n; I still can't believe we both happened to join DA around the same time and managed to start talking right after. If it weren't for you I would have been dead on that website a year after I joined. Anyway, ilu and I wish you the biggest Happy Birthday you spoopy butt. I would attempt to give you the biggest hug I can muster but my arms are too short :,,,D

Explanation of each drawing

Golden Skull Zayn with Olive ----- When I did the three doodles in the speedpaint I was planning a creepy vibe with each one. So for this one I wanted to show off the fact that parts of Zayn are indeed made of gold. It was meant to go with his design just to fit the color combo but I decided that any character that has future sight have gold parts to them. It would be very rare for a kaian to have all gold bones but I figured it would fit the prophet when they start to loose their mind to the visions. There's always a price to pay when you can see into the future. Poor Olive just happened to be around when he ripped the skin off during one of his major visions. But don't worry she lives and he gets his face back.

Sona and Loch ------- I wanted to have Sona soothing one of Lochs sessions of pain. Not much to say here other than I wanted to have her kind of grumpy looking and comfort him since in our story for them she kinda uses him for bad to get what she wants so she gets a body.

Olive's Secret Protector ---------- Again not much to say other than Evia is using her dark powers to blend into the shadows to keep an eye on olive.

Run Run from the Scary Mob ------ The main drawing that I spent the most time on that comes with a speedpaint. For this one I wanted to show off our main characters plus a side character that she loves. When I made this I realized I wanted to make it big just for Olivia so I decided to include all her friends that I could think of or find. Each character is dressed in something to show off the fact that each one is trick and treating for Halloween. I'm pretty proud of how everyone turned out and how most the background turned out.

Experiment Brewing ------ A little sketch where I had an idea that maybe Olive wasn't a real Kaian and was actually a experiment made by the banished shadow go. I like the idea that maybe he made her so he could put himself into a form onto the home planet of the Kaians than seek the other gods out for revenge. This was before he used Evia as a host even if she's in control. He hoped that when Olive was ready he could take her body over. Sadly the scientist who made her on the home planet did not complete the project and Olive had gone missing when the lab was destroyed. Funny thing is that not long after Olive was found by Evia when in a field of flowers. The god believes Olive is dead but I like to think that he takes over Olive during the final battle to use her to summon him when the other banished god is summoned by Calla. If he did succeed in taking her body over than she would look like her portals. I like the idea of the gods portals and powers looking like this but his are purple. The crystals on her help power the portals and powers she uses which are basically just like the gods expect weaker since she couldn't handle all his power in her body.

Selfie ----- A head doodle to show off Olives looks frontview. First concept sketch of how she would look. Also based on one of Olivia's doodles of Olive with crystals imbedded in her body. I decided to expand on that.

Design ---- A design for Olivia to repay the design she made for me >:0

Thirsty as heckles ---- Olive ready for some Evia but decided on the way to bed that she also likes Zayn a lot. Evia stops what they planned to go find Zayn.

Official Design for Olive as a experiment ---------. I wanted to show off the fact that she would be constantly dripping from the gods powers that she barely holds in her body.

This is War ------- Zayn has a vision in a different timeline where Olive chooses Evia over him and betrays him by killing him. He mistakes it for it being in this timeline and plans to repay the debt by killing them first. Looks like everyone has to fight with the person they love eventually.

Left to right are the corresponding characters belonging to their creators

Big brown and green wolf, Evia dressed as Dracula belongs to me

Tiny yellow doge, Olive wearing snake onesie belongs tp @spoopy-snek

smol purple and blackbird, Sona dressed as a messed up Egyptian belongs to me

spooky dog on a broom, Ney dressed as a witch belongs to @neyzilla

Purple dragon in sleeping wear, Hobbes dressed in a dragon onesie belongs to @hobbledragon

Tall skelelly boi being attacked by hungry doggy, Calabaza dressed as a skelly belongs to @anxietywithaspook

The white dog that shakes, Milk belongs to @milkfake

Mummy that is so done with you, Wilhelm dressed a mummy belongs to @wilhelm-the-undead-man

A woman who wants her candy back, Shaman dressed as a literal Shaman belongs to @missmcgregor

[princettegil]

Life Updates before the year ends!

I haven’t posted a life update on here in a while (minus vague lil posts here and there) and since it’s the very end of the year, now’s a good a time as any! So much has happened!

So, going back about as far as I can remember this year:

APRIL-JULY: I went to Pittsburgh to attend the first con I’ve been to in a few years as well as interview for a job and prepare to move! Some of the visit was okay but a LOT went wrong! It ended in me going home AFTER getting the job and then calling to say I had to turn them down, I also had to get my apartment deposit back cause I decided to no longer move. Why? Lots of things but mostly what eventually occurred around July - I broke up with a longtime, SUPER close friend of mine (who was also my main reason to move in the first place.) So, the whole first half of the year had a LOT of intense emotions! And though I kinda regret that all that had to happen, I’m not that sad about it now. I’ve honestly flourished since then! Some things have to happen, some things have to change. I always hated and feared change and I didn’t think I’d ever go forward in life without him by my side but I think I’m actually doing a lot better without him. Pros: I realized I really want to host a panel! Also, that cute Tenn cosplayer I kept running into at the con!! Cons: Suicide urge and longtime friend breakup.

JUNE-SEPT: I got a job being a dishwasher at a new bar in town. I thought I’d hate it but it was pretty alright. Sometimes hella busy, a lot of the time hella chill, I had good co-workers and got to listen to music in my own little space and enjoy good internet on the weekends they were open. Eventually I got let go cause the business wasn’t doing too great (they closed a few weeks after) but it was good fun even if the pay sucked. Pros: Comfy job and good co-workers. Cons: Loss of job, upset from friend breakup continuing.

August: I made my first HRT appointment! It went very well (the doctor there was super nice!) and I officially started on testosterone in September! Pros/Cons: Moving on.

October: I made a HUGE change! I MOVED! Not as far as Pittsburgh but to Lexington, KY - a place I had always thought about living one day (it is one of the biggest cities in the state, has great shopping, a chill atmosphere, lots to do, is still relatively close to home (2.5-3 hr drive one way), and lots of job opportunities. One of my aunts used to live there and I LOVED visiting every summer to be spoiled rotten!) I moved in on the invite of my cousin and her husband, got a job doing cake decorating again (on the highest pay grade cause I had experience!) and am enjoying life here as a new Lexitonian! Pros: Moving! New job! Good coworkers! Trans respect! Good internet! Cons: Moving stress.

Oct-Now: Thanks to a busy schedule, being new to the roads here, new move stress and just getting started money-wise, I missed a LOT of the cool happenings that went down around Halloween. But now I’ve gotten rather used to my schedule and (most) of the area and have settled in rather well considering how quickly my moving decision was (hopefully I can hit up the Halloween scene here next year!) I adopted a new cat to keep me company after getting my psychiatrist to write me a letter for a companion animal - I couldn’t afford the deposit otherwise and cats help to chill me. She’s a lovely, small, 5 year old black cat I eventually named Nebula (names are hard orz - though her full name is Princess Nebula Crescent the First cause I wanted to be one of THOSE cat people! But I mostly refer to her as Neb.) Neb started off chill and loving to be held but she’s since gotten used to things around here too and now she wakes me at 6am every morning by knocking my phone and glasses off my bedside table, following me in the bathroom (and screaming at the door if I don’t let her in), stealing random weird household items overnight and leaving them in my floor, walking on my keyboard causing my laptop to spaz out and trying to destroy my brand new sheets - but she’s still a super sweetheart who demands attention and loves to be loved! I live on the second floor of the house in a sprawling suburb that’s rather conveniently located near one of the larger shopping areas in the city. It’s a zero crime area and everyone keeps to themselves in the neighborhood, it’s a nice place. I live with my cousin, her hubby and one of his friends along with their big baby Great Dane and her fiesty, old man chihuahua. The internet is great (I’ve missed that since I lived in London!), my coworkers are all pretty nice and chill, I’m out as trans to EVERYONE there and they’ve been really nice about it (my pronouns are respected!), my cuz makes sure I’m fed (too well lol I gained weight!) Some weeks are a little shaky with pay and bills but so far I’ve been able to make ends meet alright and enjoy myself time to time with a little shopping. I’m now on a  larger dose of testosterone (giving myself shots is still hard tho! Eek! Big needle stab! >_<) I’ve attended a few of the local LGBTQ gatherings (first actual non-event meet is this Saturday - wish me well! I’ve been super shy at the last few and pretty much managed to talk to NO one! I’m hoping to be a little more social next time (fingers crossed!) I’ve become open to the idea of dating (and possibly sex...I’d like to try it at least.) Some days (like the last two) the depression likes to come back and smack me upside the head but all in all, I can tell that I’m doing SO much better than I was at the beginning of the year! Heck, I’ve only had ONE anxiety attack since July! My biggest issue lately has been feeling left out and lonely with no one to really talk to but I hope I can fix that next year! One of my goals is to not have to spend another holiday single (one can dream!) Pros: New cat! Adapting to new job well. Furthering the tans journey. Hopes for the future. Getting better acquainted with my body and sexuality. Cons: Having to get used to the new manager. Shorter work hours over the holiday weeks. Awkward with social situations and bad lonely feels. I really need a new laptop. Neb, please let me sleep! Still got that ‘have to stab myself in the leg’ fear. Gotta do more Halloween stuff next year!

So, to sum up the most important bits (tl;dr) - lost a super close friendship, started taking T, got a job, moved, got a new cat and have been doing much better the last several months! I’m really proud of myself actually! I hope to reach out and be a little more social in the new year (especially in the LGBTQ and anime communities) and hopefully score me an adorable, sweet partner before the end of 2020 as well as attend another anime con (missed YamaCon this month due to last minute financial issues OTL.) I have #GOALS! I’m feeling better, doing my best to keep depression at bay, and actually WANT to branch out! Wish me well, ya’ll! See you in the new decade soon!

Nerd comments: I’m HEAVY into Idolish7 hell! And finally watched Promare! Lio and Tenn are life now.

[berserker-official]

Then allow me to be the one who does it. -ahem- Answer all 200 questions, please.

YOU

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now?

199: I was born in: A hospital in Colorado

198: I am really: Really tired

197: My cellphone company is: Cricket

196: My eye color is: Blue

195: My shoe size is: I think 12?

194: My ring size is: I have no fucking idea

193: My height is: 6′2

192: I am allergic to: Nothing that I know of

191: My 1st car was: I share a Jeep with the family

190: My 1st job was: A pizza man at Little Caesars in Texas

189: Last book you read: All You Need is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka

188: My bed is: Small.

187: My pet: She a good girl and like 6 different breeds

186: My best friend: I have too many

185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever’s cheap

184: Xbox or ps3: Both but I’m a sony man at heart

183: Piggy banks are: Neat

182: In my pockets: I don’t have pockets right now

181: On my calendar: Nothing special today but I have the Danganronpa V3 release date on it in a couple of weeks

180: Marriage is: Neat

179: Spongebob can: go steppin on the beach

178: My mom: is neat but I’m mad at her right now

177: The last three songs I bought were?

Silence by Marshmello & Khalid, OTONA HIT PARADE and Emotional Literacy by Bradio

176: Last YouTube video watched: Oney Plays D. Premonition WITH FRIENDS - EP 6 - Minesweeper175: How many cousins do you have? I honestly don’t know. My parents don’t really keep in touch with immediate family. My mom is an only child and my dad doesn’t talk to her sister.174: Do you have any siblings? I have a little brother who’s a fucking loser going for an astrophysics degree.

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope

172: Are you taller than your mom? By two feet.

171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play percussion in middle school

170: What did you do yesterday? A bunch of stencil work[ I Believe In ] (I’ve already answered these but here u go)169: Love at first sight: Not really168: Luck: Heart of the Cards167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Nope165: Aliens: Yeah164: Heaven: Not really163: Hell: Not really162: God: Not really161: Horoscopes: No but I look at them randomly160: Soul mates: Yeah159: Ghosts: No but not yet158: Gay Marriage: HELL YEAH157: War: No it bad156: Orbs: I BELIEVE IN THE ORBS155: Magic: No but not yet[ This or That ] (I’ve answered some of these already but here u go)154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs153: Drunk or High: Neither152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Black hair but I don’t really care?150: Blondes or Brunettes: Blonde cuz I’m ready to have fun149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Apples143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight hair142: McDonalds or Burger King: Doesn’t matter141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: I hate showing off my feet and I actually wore high heels once so HIGH HEELS138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m sweet and poor so that one137: Coke or Pepsi: Neither one I actually don’t like carbonated drinks136: Hillary or Obama: Thanks obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremated it’s better for the earth134: Singing or Dancing: Singing even I fuckin suck133: Coach or Chanel: I have no idea132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Neither?131: Small town or Big city: Big City130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller128: Manicure or Pedicure: Whichever is the hand one127: East Coast or West Coast: I’m in the middle so doesn’t matter126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas cuz my birthday is in the summer so I’m dying of heat.125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Neither cuz going outside sucks123: Yankees or Red Sox: Cubs cuz they finally won the world series[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: It bad121: George Bush: He did Nine Eleven120: Gay Marriage: It’s great why the fuck do people think it’s bad119: The presidential election: In general I used to not care but NOW GO FUCKING VOTE118: Abortion: I think it’s important117: MySpace: I never had a myspace but bring back the grunge emo shit116: Reality TV: It’s obviously fake so115: Parents: Parents are good without them I would not be here (But if they’re abusive fuck them)114: Back stabbers: Drop them faster than you can say bye bitch113: Ebay: I’ve only used it once and it was good so I say sure112: Facebook: Needs to chill the fuck out111: Work: Work is good you get money and gain retail horror stories110: My Neighbors: One of them is a drunk so meh but The Best Neighbor is a guy that used to build his own motorcycles but has heart problems so he had to sell them but he’s a chill guy and I love him109: Gas Prices: TOO DAMN HIGH108: Designer Clothes: Too rich for my blood107: College: A good choice for your future but it’s not for everybody106: Sports: The only sport I care about is MLG Gaming105: My family: They cool but highly problematic104: The future: I’m at a big turning point right now so[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Last Saturday?102: Last time you ate: A couple hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Last week I think I hung out with a friend and we watched Willow100: Cried in front of someone: Months probably99: Went to a movie theater: I went to see Spider-Man Homecoming when it came out but next month I’m going to see Jigsaw with @warlord-official so that’s fun98: Took a vacation: I don’t know? When I got out of school for summer vacation?97: Swam in a pool: 2011?96: Changed a diaper: I actually never changed a diaper95: Got my nails done: Never94: Went to a wedding: Two years ago93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Sophmore year I got my lip pierced so...2008?91: Broke the law: I think I ran a red light once so a couple years ago?90: Texted: A day?[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Me cuz I do the dumbest shit88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My dog87: The last movie I saw: I was watching the Rugrats Movie on Netflix a little while ago86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Danganronpa V3 and then Jigsaw in October and the Ixalan MTG set at the end of the month.85: The thing im not looking forward to: The next time I have to go to jury duty84: People call me: by my name83: The most difficult thing to do is: Be an adult82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Leo80: The first person i talked to today was: My dad79: First time you had a crush: Probably in elementary school? She was partially deaf and my teacher told me to help her out for the year and we got pretty close78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: My friends cuz I gotta let my baggage out77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I don’t remember cuz all my friends think the same way76: Right now I am talking to: No one75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I wanna do photography maybe teaching74: I have/will get a job: When I graduate73: Tomorrow: I gotta get up early for school72: Today: I did a bunch of school readings71: Next Summer: I’m gonna die from heat again70: Next Weekend: Hopefully I can hang with friends69: I have these pets: A good dog68: The worst sound in the world: When a racist opens their mouth67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Roman from the FH team cuz he’s NOT FUCKING NERFING CENT66: People that make you happy: All my friends65: Last time I cried: Just now boi we goin in hard64: My friends are: Good boys and girls63: My computer is: I have an 5 year old ASUS laptop that I should try to upgrade cuz it runs Overwatch poorly62: My School: MSU Denver61: My Car: I share a Jeep with the family60: I lose all respect for people who: Treat my friends like they’re subhuman59: The movie I cried at was: Death Note cuz it was fucking awful58: Your hair color is: Dirty blonde57: TV shows you watch: The only stuff on now that I’m watching is Rick and Morty and AHS: Cult56: Favorite web site: Tumblr even though this hellsite is full of sin55: Your dream vacation: Japan?54: The worst pain I was ever in was: My wisdom teeth were pretty obnoxious53: How do you like your steak cooked: Rare52: My room is: Very messy and small51: My favorite celebrity is: Gal Gadot50: Where would you like to be: Anywhere not stressed out49: Do you want children: Only if I have an S/O that wants kids48: Ever been in love: Yeh47: Who’s your best friend: I have too many to count but @warlord-official is one of them46: More guy friends or girl friends: I think it’s a tie?45: One thing that makes you feel great is: when my friends are happy or I eat a good burger44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My friend that’s in Japan I miss her43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Nope42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope41: Have you pre-named your children: I did when I was dating someone and thought we were pretty serious but then I found out she was cheating on me so not anymore40: Last person I got mad at: My mom39: I would like to move to: Japan or somewhere that is cool all the time like Washington maybe38: I wish I was a professional: Photographer[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Pay Day36: Vehicle: Reasonably priced car is one of the new Jeeps. Super expensive car would be an Aston Martin or Maserati35: President: Obama34: State visited: Georgia was nice33: Cellphone provider: Cricket cuz it’s the only one I’ve had32: Athlete: John Elway31: Actor: Chris Evans30: Actress: Gal Gadot29: Singer: Kesha28: Band: Bradio or Starset27: Clothing store: DXL cuz it’s the only store that sells clothes for Big Boys26: Grocery store: Safeway25: TV show: Hannibal or Future Diary. Rick and Morty is always good24: Movie: Saw, Pacific Rim, Back to the Future, or Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift23: Website: Tumle dot hell22: Animal: Dog?21: Theme park: NONE OF EM20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: idk18: Sport to play: I used to do tennis so that one17: Magazine: Shonen Jump or Game Informer16: Book: The Disaster Artist15: Day of the week: Friday14: Beach: I’ve never been to a beach13: Concert attended: Either PVRIS or A Perfect Circle with @warlord-official12: Thing to cook: It’s like a mix of pizza and spaghetti11: Food: A nice burger10: Restaurant: I like Smashburger9: Radio station: I don’t remember the one that plays rock music here but that one8: Yankee candle scent: Something about rain?7: Perfume: There was a vanilla one that I thought smelled nice a long time ago6: Flower: idk?5: Color: a deep blue4: Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres?3: Comedian: Bo Burnham2: Dog breed: Mutt1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I hope so   

[p-aralian]

It’s been a while since I’ve confronted my thoughts and feelings so what better time to do that than now? 

I had an exam today and I thought that when it ended, I’d have this amazing feeling of accomplishment, that I kicked it in the butt and that I’m definitely passing it. Both of that is true and yet, it didn’t feel great. It just felt like “okay that’s done, what’s next?” I don’t know, I’m kinda disappointed by that. But maybe I shouldn’t be. I feel like I have this inherent need to make everything a big deal or find some deeper meaning to things than there actually is. I failed this exam last November and it was painful. It’s the first time I thought I actually studied for something and failed it. After ACTUALLY studying for it properly, I realised that I hadn’t done it justice the last time and failing was totally justified. I remember feeling like that failure did good for my character and that it was something to grow from. Time will tell, I suppose. Anyhow, I have a month and a half before I get my results and I go back to work next week, my parents get back tomorrow, so before I get busy again, I really want to use tonight to really tease out my feelings and find out what’s going on with me. 

These past 3 weeks of doing nothing but studying was very challenging for me. I’m sure this isn’t unique to me but when I’m studying, I feel like I can’t do anything else. At work however, I know that the evenings are mine and so are the weekends so I am able to strike a balance, but only because it’s forced upon me. While studying, I was really struggling to instil discipline in myself. It all worked out in the end, but I gave myself a lot of anxiety and panic attacks throughout the process. I did, however, sometimes, find meditation helpful and I will continue making that a part of my life. I also found that taking melatonin supplements helped me sleep at night and while I don’t want to make this a habit, I think I’m going to need it for the next week at least while I get settled into my routine of working and enjoying little indulgences in spare time like dance class / workouts / random weekend activities. I enjoy work a lot. My colleagues are my best friends, I feel needed and useful, I learn a lot, it’s my thing that’s not tied to anyone else and I love that. I feel like it’s time for me to start thinking about my career in the long term and earning good money and saving up and all those adult things. So I will be applying for training contracts at different firms from next week (hopefully diligently). When I’m working though, and maybe I don’t know if I think this is the best part about it but I’m so busy to really think about life and stuff. While I was studying, omg, I was thinking about things that I thought I was past, I was feeling things that I wish I wasn’t and it was terrifying. Because of that, I don’t want my “routine” shall we say, to keep me so busy that I sweep everything under the rug rather than deal with it the thorough, healthy way. I want to acknowledge, understand, accept how things make me feel, why they make me feel that way, what I like or don’t like about it and how to deal with it. I think the meditation will be good for me in this regard. I can’t just find something else to do to keep me busy so that I don’t think about things. 

Now I’ve been so vague thus far, saying “things” and “stuff” so I wanna just try to scratch the surface of what those are. 

First, needless to say, is the one person who always plays on my mind - Shad. I don’t know what to do really. I mean, it’s been a year a 5 months since our breakup now. On a day-to-day basis sure, I can get by my day. But he still haunts my thoughts, I still miss him so much. Obviously I think about all the good times, all the mushy lovely passionate moments we shared play in my mind on repeat and it’s excruciating. I miss all that, I miss what we had, I miss who he was. I don’t know how to phrase this properly but sometimes I think that when I miss him, I’m not sure if I’m missing him or if I miss the idea of him / how I assume he would be impacting my life in that moment. Let me give an example. Obviously when I was stressed, yes I missed him because I knew for a fact that he did a lot of things to help me but it’s not like he’s here and he’s horrible on text + there’s a time difference. So the question is: in that moment, do I really miss him particularly or do I just want someone to do what he would have done for me and make me feel better the way he did when we were together? I don’t know. Shad was an amazing person, we had the greatest love I will ever know and I’m still heartbroken. That’s all I can say really. It’d mean the world to me just to see him again, one last time. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks of me too, probably not as often as I do. I also wonder if he’s found someone new and if he has, whether she loves him half as much as I do. I hope he’s happy. 

Wow okay, crying a lot right now. Brb. 

Whew okay I’m back.  I’ve been forcing myself to be able to deal with tough mental situations myself. I find it easy to talk to close friends when I’m angry and pissed off and ranting. But I feel like when I’m anxious and I have that heavy feeling in my heart, I just feel super vulnerable and only someone whom I’ve been vulnerable with can make me feel better and I want that person to make me feel ‘taken care of’ or something. I don’t know. Usually that person tends to be the person that I like at that moment. But that’s so bad. Or when there is none, I’ll just go into majorly distracting myself by essentially shutting myself out and talking to strangers on the Internet be it on dating apps or literally “talkwithstranger.com”. Why is that a coping mechanism for me? I really don’t understand it. Sometimes I wish I could afford a therapist so that these issues can really be ironed out and explained to me. Anyways, back to my efforts - whenever I feel anxious, be it about studying or not being able to sleep or Shad, I’m trying not to distract myself with a TV show (unless I’m having a breakdown) or by talking to anyone. I want to get through it myself. This is where the meditation is helping. Breathing has always helped me. I think I read somewhere on Tumblr of a sequence of in-breaths and out-breaths to do that specifically help with anxiety. So yeah, point is, I want to be able to do this myself so that I don’t have to rely on anyone else. Clearly still finding my feet but I’m proud of myself for my efforts. I feel like I’m trying to be healthy emotionally and mentally, which is the difficult but more fulfilling path to take. 

Now, moving on to the trajectory of my life... Sometimes with the “routine”, I don’t actually realise just how fast time is passing by. And I’m still in that “oh I’m still young” phase but the day that I can’t use that excuse anymore is gonna come sooner than I think. And yes I know that everyone has their own timelines but I do personally want to achieve things before I’m thirty. Like okay let’s talk this through. Assuming all goes to plan with this exam, I’ll do my Part B this year (more studying ugh but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there) and I’ll be called to the Bar next year in August which will make me a practising solicitor when I’m 25, bearing in mind that I’m born in January, I’ll still be in my first year of practice when I turn 26. That’s so old! And then what? Do I stay in practice in Singapore? Do I go away and do my Masters and TRY to settle elsewhere? I don’t want to plan too much because these questions have answers that are dependent on a lot of variable factors but still, it’s scary. And yes, I know it’s about the journey like wow there’s so much of life to go but I just hope everything turns out okay, I mean, life is expensive and I want to be earning well and save enough to be able to afford big things that I will want in the future. Then there’s relationships. I thought I’d be married by 30 (lol the older I get, the later that age becomes fml) but I’m still figuring out what I want out of a relationship then there’s oh, of course, the question of who the hell I’m going to marry. I can’t even with that right now. I’m not even thinking about that in the first place but also it’s so hard to date in this country while living under my parents’ roof?! That’s another thing altogether and honestly is not bothering me too much at the moment but when I do want to get serious about a person, that is definitely going to be a problem. Don’t get me wrong, I love living with my parents... but like only half of the time. 

Okay I think I’ve actually regurgitated a lot of the things that were bothering me. There’s just one last thing. 

There’s a boy I like. He’s funny, smart, kinda sweet. I’ll refer to him as “R”. Not to be like all into myself and stuff but usually when a guy likes me, they’re usually like way more into it than I am so I that I can tell (which is a put-off yeah cuz there is also fun in not knowing). If not that then I like the guy and I can sway him towards me pretty easily. Or then there’s what I had with Shad, where there was a lot of physical attraction but when it came to emotional stuff, at least there was enough tension between us to know that he cared about how it would end up just as much as I did. 

Anyways, back to R. With him, it’s different. It’s chill. Which is so new for me. I know he likes me too but we don’t talk about it (and I think I’m supposed to feel like that is a good thing). Sometimes I feel like the one overcompensating or needing more from “us” before I snap myself out of it and remind myself that this is just supposed to be breezy. We can spend time with each other but also live our lives, with the ability to consult each other as recourse in difficult situations while not being codependent. He’s a straight up, genuine guy and I’m grateful that I’m sharing this with him. Getting to know him, spending time doing fun activities with him has been so much fun and *that’s all it has to be*. He’s been a positive influence in my life and in my thought/character development. Still working on finding my balance but yeah, just wanted to give R a little bit of recognition. 

That’s all the reflection I have in me for now, Tumblr. Thank you for being there for me the past 8 years and counting. 

[greeneyesandsunshine28]

200 things about me cuz why not

200: My crush’s name is: kyle
199: I was born in: 1998
198: I am really: scared about my future
197: My cellphone company is: verizon
196: My eye color is: blue
195: My shoe size is: 7
194: My ring size is: i have no idea
193: My height is: 5'4 ½"
192: I am allergic to: nothing
191: My 1st car was: ford edge
190: My 1st job was: marketing assistant
189: Last book you read: Showdown-Thurgood Marshall
188: My bed is: extremely comfortable 
187: My pet: none
186: My best friend: is not really my best friend anymore 
185: My favorite shampoo is: argan oil
184: Xbox or ps3: xbox
183: Piggy banks are: cute for kids
182: In my pockets: nothing
181: On my calendar: upcoming dance events, grad parties and school events
180: Marriage is: Beaudoin 
179: Spongebob can: be annoying sometimes
178: My mom: is amazing
177: The last three songs I bought were? Rather be, come away with me, whiskey and you
176: Last YouTube video watched: peyton and lucas OTH scene s5ep6
175: How many cousins do you have? 18
174: Do you have any siblings? Yes one brother
173: Are your parents divorced? No but my dad died 3 years ago
172: Are you taller than your mom? No
171: Do you play an instrument? No
170: What did you do yesterday? Stretched for dance, read a book, talked with my grandma [ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: no
168: Luck: yes
167: Fate: no
166: Yourself: sometimes
165: Aliens: no
164: Heaven: yes
163: Hell: yes
162: God: sometimes
161: Horoscopes: no
160: Soul mates: yes
159: Ghosts: no
158: Gay Marriage: yes
157: War: yes
156: Orbs: no
155: Magic: no [ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs
153: Drunk or High: drunk
152: Phone or Online: phone
151: Red heads or Black haired: red heads
150: Blondes or Brunettes: blondes
149: Hot or cold: hot
148: Summer or winter: summer
147: Autumn or Spring: spring
146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
145: Night or Day: day
144: Oranges or Apples: apples
143: Curly or Straight hair: curly
142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: white chocolate
140: Mac or PC: Mac
139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor
137: Coke or Pepsi: neither
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama
135: Burried or cremated: buried
134: Singing or Dancing: DANCE FOREVER❤️
133: Coach or Chanel: don’t care
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Taylor Hicks
131: Small town or Big city: small town
130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller
128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure
127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas
125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney
123: Yankees or Red Sox: don’t care [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: it’s a terrible thing, but it’s real and it’s happening. The only thing we can do is love one another. 
121: George Bush: neutral
120: Gay Marriage: I accept it completely. Why should we stop people from loving who they love?
119: The presidential election: bullshit
118: Abortion: no comment
117: MySpace: I remember it being a big thing when I was in grade school
116: Reality TV: most of it is fake, but I can’t deny that I don’t watch some shows. 
115: Parents: mine at least, are caring and have done everything for me
114: Back stabbers: need to reevaluate themselves
113: Ebay: good way to make money
112: Facebook: I actually like, even tho teens nowadays say it’s “only for adults"
111: Work: dumb
110: My Neighbors: extremely kind and giving
109: Gas Prices: too high
108: Designer Clothes: too expensive
107: College: too expensive
106: Sports: don’t care for them
105: My family: love them
104: The future: scary [ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: yesterday 
102: Last time you ate: 3 hours ago
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 2 days ago
100: Cried in front of someone: 2 months ago
99: Went to a movie theater: a month ago
98: Took a vacation: last weekend
97: Swam in a pool: 2 days ago
96: Changed a diaper: 8 years ago
95: Got my nails done: 2 years ago
94: Went to a wedding: 4 months ago
93: Broke a bone: never
92: Got a peircing: 5 years ago
91: Broke the law: 2 months ago
90: Texted: half an hour ago [ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: my friends
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my bedroom and my dance studio
87: The last movie I saw: The Great Gatsby
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: loving someone and starting a family
85: The thing im not looking forward to: paying taxes, bills, etc.
84: People call me: nicole
83: The most difficult thing to do is: grow up and realize you’re an adult
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never
81: My zodiac sign is: leo
80: The first person i talked to today was: my grandma
79: First time you had a crush: 3rd grade
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I don’t recall anything
76: Right now I am talking to: no one
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully be a successful dancer
74: I have/will get a job: in dance or writing 
73: Tomorrow: I have a dance intensive
72: Today: I worked, shopped, went out to lunch and now I’m watching One Tree Hill
71: Next Summer: I will most likely go to Ocean City, NJ again
70: Next Weekend: I will go to graduation parties and a dance intensive
69: I have these pets: none
68: The worst sound in the world: people crying in pain
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: …
66: People that make you happy: my mom, my brother, my friend anna
65: Last time I cried: last week
64: My friends are: awesome people
63: My computer is: very nice
62: My School: ehh
61: My Car: has a few dents but still runs well
60: I lose all respect for people who: are rude or don’t make up for their actions
59: The movie I cried at was: The Last Song
58: Your hair color is: dark blonde
57: TV shows you watch: One Tree Hill, Big Brother, World of Dance, AGT, SYTYCD, Dance Moms, Andi Mack, Riverdale, Dance Moms, the list goes on…
56: Favorite web site: facebook
55: Your dream vacation: Aruba or Hawaii
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the aftermath of my dad’s death
53: How do you like your steak cooked: I’m a vegetarian 
52: My room is: turquoise filled with pictures of my friends and celebrities 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Sophia Bush or Dianna Agron
50: Where would you like to be: in Hawaii
49: Do you want children: yes
48: Ever been in love: no
47: Who’s your best friend: emily
46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: feeling stress-free
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my dad
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no
41: Have you pre-named your children: yes
40: Last person I got mad at: my brother
39: I would like to move to: Vermont
38: I wish I was a professional: dancer [ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: Necco's
36: Vehicle: Lexus
35: President: Lincoln
34: State visited: Florida
33: Cellphone provider: Verizon
32: Athlete: Simone Biles
31: Actor: Chris Colfer
30: Actress: Jennette McCurdy
29: Singer: Ariana Grande
28: Band: don’t have one
27: Clothing store: Gina’s Boutique 
26: Grocery store: Kroger 
25: TV show: One Tree Hill
24: Movie: The Blind Side
23: Website: imdb …before they got rid of the message boards. So now YouTube
22: Animal: don’t have one
21: Theme park: don’t have one
20: Holiday: Christmas
19: Sport to watch: I don’t care for sports
18: Sport to play: volleyball 
17: Magazine: Elle
16: Book: The Help
15: Day of the week: Saturday 
14: Beach: Sarasota, FL
13: Concert attended: Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
12: Thing to cook: pasta with marinara
11: Food: pasta with marinara
10: Restaurant: Karl’s Cabin
9: Radio station: 105.1 the Bounce
8: Yankee candle scent: Kitchen Spice
7: Perfume: Bath & Body Works Brown Sugar and Spice (autumn collection)
6: Flower: rose
5: Color: blue
4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon
3: Comedian: Will Ferrell
2: Dog breed: shitzu
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Mostly…

[tinybellz-blog]

Brotherly Love

Who →  Tiny Bell & Vince Bell When → December 29th 2016 Where → North Bay Jail Notes → Tiny visits his brother in prison and gets some much needed clarity about his life, past and future.

Vince: was surprised to hear he had another visitor so soon, figuring that Vanessa wouldn’t have wanted to subject herself to all the prison security measures and the environment overall for a second time this month. So when he was being escorted toward the visitor’s area, there was a look of utter confusion on his face. However, it all faded when he saw that the person waiting for him on the other side was not Vanessa--but his brother. He stood silent for a moment, feeling a wave of everything that he’d put them through in the last few months wash over him in an instant. As soon as they uncuffed him he picked up the telephone to speak to his brother. “Wassup lil brother” he spoke, not able to help the grin that took form on his hard features.

Tiny: couldn't help but smile as he saw his brother fr the first time in ages, although his smile faltered slightly when he saw the handcuffs and jumpsuit he had to wear. Vince was always so free and strong to him, like something he could always reach for but never touch. But now he seemed a lot smaller, which made him sad. Still, he put on his best face as he picked up the phone and spoke. "Guess this isn't the best time to ask if this place has a hot tub.", he joked as he tried to went back to what he knew best, easing tension with jokes. He shook his head to get serious once again, "I'm sorry, man. I know I should have been here ages ago, but I just didn't now what to say or how to act. You have every right to be pissed, I know.", he admitted to his brother with a sigh.

Vince: The older male gave a little chuckle, shaking his head. “Even now you crackin’ jokes, huh?” It made him glad to see that none had broken Tiny’s spirit. But he was a tough kid, cut from the same cloth as he was so part of him always knew that if he had to be away from him Tiny had what he needed to make it on his own. But it didn’t make things any less difficult. “Aye it’s iight, this ain’t no place for you anyway” Even if he’d wished he could’ve seen his brother sooner, for his own sake and sanity he knew he had to do things in his own time. “V came by to see me a couple of weeks ago--I’m sure she already filled you in on all that so it ain’t been so lonely up here” He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. “How things been? How’s Aunt Viv and them bad ass kids?”

Tiny: couldn't help but shrug his shoulders with a smirk. "Eh, either that or come here with a stick up my ass. It's good to see you though, man. For real." From staring at Vince he knew things had changed him, but Tiny still owed it to Vince to always be himself around him, laughter or no. He might not have been as physically tough as him, but he made up for it in heart. "But still, I wanted to come. I just didn't know what to say, or /if/ I could come. Probation's tricky.", he reasoned with a shake of his head. Lucky for him, probation was the judge taking it easy on him so he wouldn't end up here. His brows furrowed as he mentioned Vanessa visiting. She hadn't told him she had, so the fact that it hadn't come up confused him slightly. "Uh, yeah. She told me. That was pretty cool of her, didn't think she had it in her to make the drive.", he said cooly, not wanting to tip him off about his unsureness. When he started talking about Aunt Viv, his worries went away as he could speak honestly again. "It's been pretty cool. The kids are bad as shit, the girls especially. But Jayden, heh, that dude's something else. He's our cousin for sure. Always trying to be like me and follow me around, kid's cool but it can kinda get on your nerves."

Vince: “How long you got left to serve on that?” he asked in reference to his probation. He was thankful that the judge had cut Tiny a deal with his sentence, but he knew first hand having to report to a P.O. every month could be aggravating to say the very least. Vince nodded in agreement at the mention of Vanessa, “Me neither--or that she’d even want to you know what I’m sayin? But it was good to see her. Real good..” the male trailed off, “Aye never go to jail T, everybody in here is hella deprived aight? Just the sight of a woman can make half these niggas nut” he laughed. As soon as Tiny started talking about the kids Vince shook his head, knowing full well from past holiday gatherings at his Aunt’s house just how bad those little twerps could be. “He still got that biting habit? I told his moms the last time we was over there he getting too big for that shit” Talking about their family was comforting to him, even in this environment it offered a sense of normalcy and reminded him what was waiting for him on the outside. That in itself, was what motivated him to let go of his rebellious nature and start displaying some good behavior with these prison guards. “Hey--can’t be mad at em’ at least now they got somebody cool to look up to..”

Tiny: "It's a year, so til about June. Just in time for the summer. Hopefully Aunt V let's me travel or do something cool as a gift." It was a little annoying having to deal with a P.O, but luckily Jose was understanding towards his situation and cut his some slack when he messed up. Thankfully he hadn't done anything too bad to warrant a visit from a judge just yet. "I'm glad you got to see her, you two were..something else.", Tiny reasoned as he thought back for a moment. Their relationship was messy, but he was always happy for his brother to find happiness, even if it meant putting his own feelings aside. He'd done so much for him, it was the least he could do. He laughed at Vince's remark, waving him off dismissively with his free hand. "No problem. I got no plans on being here and sharing a room with some creep jacking it in the corner or trying to touch my dick.", the younger boy said with a shuddered towards the latter remark. Tiny never envisioned himself as a role model or for someone to copy, a father one day sure, but someone younger looking up to him? It was crazy, since he still felt immature at times. "Nah, he's outta that. Now he's trying to beat me in Madden all the time. I think he wants a mohawk like me, but Uncle James is not having it. I gotta fight to keep mine.", he laughed patting his own hair gently. "I'm a..jock now.", he blurted out. "Once they found out I could throw a football, they slapped a damn Letterman's jacket on me. Crazy shit."

Vince: When Tiny’s body shuddered Vince’s did so simultaneously. His first month or so here he remembered having to fight a few dudes, establishing first and foremost that he was no bitch, and he wasn’t having any of that shit. Moving on to lighter subjects he couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of his little cousin following Tiny around all the time. “Monkey see, monkey do” the male chuckled. “Ah, tell him to lighten up, at least let the kid get a little fade or something.” he said, a finger sweeping at the top of his head, a little more hair having grown there since the last time Tiny saw him. “V told me” he nodded, an apparent approval in his tone. “My man the football star, bet the hoes love that huh?” His thick eyebrow quirked up as he let out a laugh. “Aye--Imma send you a check out of here soon, it’s not gonna be a lot cuz we make like three dollars a day, but I been schoolin’ these niggas in 2k and dice, taking they commissary so it’ll be enough to get you some shoes or some shit as a Christmas present..”

Tiny: rolled his eyes with a grin, his new 'big brother' status seeming like deja vu from his younger days. "Hey, I'm the coolest monkey either of you two know.", he boasted with a grin. He noticed Vince's hair getting thicker, and his mind grew curious about how jail went. He knew about daily showers, but he wasn't sure about how haircuts and free time worked out for him. "Do they cut your hair every week or something or do they give the guy who used to be a barber on the outside a pair of clippers and let him go to work?", he asked his brother. "Uh..something like that.", he said with a small chuckle at his current romantic predicament, if he could even call it that. "Girls are crazy like they've always been. I'm just trying to find that one that's gonna hold me down." He was never like his brother when it came to women, as much of a flirt as he was like Vince, he adored commitment and stable relationships in thanks to Lola earlier in the year. "But I'm pretty good. Getting stronger everyday.", he said with a small flex of his free arm. "Oh dude, I don't want you to do that.", he shook his head as Vince offered him a gift. "Your money's for you when you get out. You don't have to buy me stuff anymore.."

Vince: “Maybe you can really do something with that bro, get a scholarship, play professionally..” Vince said in affirmation, obviously on board with his whole switch to athletics. “You know instead of just doing it in Madden..” Tiny was successful at anything he did thought, which was a trait Vince always wished he possessed. He was a smart kid, musically talented, and now he was making waves with athletics. And honestly, Vince couldn’t be more proud. He ran a hand through his head of hair, “The last one” he replied, knowing full and well that he probably looked mangy as all hell but he honestly didn’t mind it much. As soon as Tiny opened his mouth to protest Vince began to shake his head, refusing to listen. “Nah, you got it. I got plenty of time to make up for it...” He looked up at his brother, “For real T just take it I’ll have plenty more where that came from”

Tiny: "I always thought you wanted me to do like you..keep the family business with you I mean. Stuff like college..I dunno. I've always been good at using my big brain to find new ways to move numbers, you know?" Tiny said with a shrug. It was something never really spoken of or even really on Tiny's mind until last year. As he started gaining a group of friends and finding where his talents lied, he realized he could go far in life if he really wanted to. But leaving his brother behind felt like a betrayal somehow, like he was turning his back on his family and background. "Hey, keep it. You look like Gucci Mane. I just hope when you get out people won't think you're like an alien or something too.", he said with a laugh at his brother's hair. Tiny's brows furrowed as he listened to Vince, "Man, you've done plenty for me already. I owe you my life.", he said honestly. Since he wasn't in the mood to argue, he accepted the offer reluctantly. "Vince, all I want is for you to stay your ass safe and get outta here. The money and shit..they don't mean shit if we can't kick it again like we used to one day."

Vince: shook his head at his brother’s revelation. “Nah T--that shit is good money I ain’t gon’ lie, but that ain’t never been my plan for you to do that forever” The male looked his little brother directly in his eyes. “I did that cause it wasn’t really nothing else I could do. All I knew how to do, all I was good at was serving. But you don’t need that. You can go make something of yourself forreal. Get you a legal job and live up on a house on a hill somewhere with your fine wife and two little kids” Vince’s jaw clenched, knowing this was probably the first time he’d expressed any of this to Tiny. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the Gucci comment, definitely lightening the mood. “Hell yeah--Imma come out talking proper too using words like indubitably and shit” he laughed. Vince had a feeling Tiny would refuse the money, because that’s the type of kid he was but that didn’t mean he was going to stop doing for him. “You’re my brother T, imma always look out for you iight? And we will, don’t even worry about that. I’ll be outta here before you know it.” he assured him, addressing his brother directly. Just then one of the guards tapped his shoulder, his signal to wrap up his visitation. “Aye Imma uh--Imma have to see you a little later T” he said in a low tone, feeling a sharp sadness at the fact that he was being separated from his brother again.

Tiny: felt a little surprised hearing about his brother wanting him to make something of his life. He always wondered, but to know he had his brother's approval to do whatever he wanted to do with his life felt like a huge burden being lifted off his shoulders. "You did what you had to do.", he noted affirmatively. "And you know if you ever need me for any of that stuff, I'll coming running." He would always look out for his brother, no matter how well off he was, he could never turn down helping Vince with whatever he needed. "I'm gonna name one after Pop and call 'em Terrance, my old lady better go for it.", he said with a laugh. "Just a warning, you come out sipping tea at The Dot and speaking like that, I might have to start calling you squeaky clean or something.", Tiny joked as he felt as ease just shooting the breeze with his brother. He still felt a little odd seeing his brother in a place like this, even if it was his friend that put him in here and he'd done things he wasn't too proud of. Despite that, hearing Vince's words made him somewhat hopeful for the future for the both of them, whenever that might be. When their time was up, Tiny frowned, not wanting to part with him just yet. "Ok..", he said quietly and standing up and gathering his coat and things. "Ayy. Keep your head up. I'll be back soon, I promise. Much love, man.", he spoke as he raised his fist to the glass, tapping it so Vince would fist bump it.

Vince: bumped his fist to the glass before standing up and throwing his hands behind his back for them to cuff. Vince could only look at the floor as they walked him back toward his gate. He’d spent a lot of late nights and early mornings grappling with the issue of being away from his life, from his family, but seeing Tiny he felt like he back at square one.

Tiny: could only look as his brother was handcuffed and sent back to his cell. He didn't know what awaited him in a few years or when Vince would get out, but as he headed outside and back to his car, he knew he had a chance to make something of himself and make his family name mean something good for not only his sake, but Vince's as well.

[canaryatlaw]

Today was.....kind of odd. I felt exhausted and like I was running crazy all day, but I actually wasn't? Idk. I remembered today that my psychiatrist wanted me to call him after I'd been on the Xanax for like a week to see if I'd noticed a difference, as I should have, and as I remembered I was supposed to do this I realized I don't think I've actually seen much of a difference. I still feel anxious pretty much all the time and can't stop my mind from racing even when I'm trying to relax, there's always something I need to get done. I'm doing 2 mg of Xanax a day right now (1 at morning and 1 at night) and he wrote me the prescription to use as needed so I can increase it if needed. If I'm remembering correctly, at the time I accidentally went off it I was taking 3 mg a day, I guess I was just hoping I would be doing better by now and wouldn't need that much. Idk, it's weird to be experiencing symptoms of mental illness like anxiety and feeling exhausted and like something in my mind just isn't right without them being accompanied by the overwhelming and soul-sucking dread of suicidal ideation constantly occupying your mind. Because I pretty much consider myself "recovered" at this point. Like I'm SO much better than I was 4 years ago. But I'm still having symptoms that just don't feel like they have a causal connection to my life, because there's nothing that would be causing that in my life- I mean at least as far as the depression, there's obviously plenty to cause anxiety. But I don't really feel depressed at all so I don't really know if that's what this is??? Like my brain felt weird when I was without my meds for a few days but for the most part it's been fine with happiness, just tending to get overwhelmingly exhausted, but with me that could have a lot of causes (see: my abysmal high school attendance record). Sigh. I didn't mean to get into all of this right now, it just kind of came out. I think that's most of what I have to say, though. So, today. Alarm went off at 9:45, and the first thing I notice is its gross and rainy and hell no am I gonna walk 20 minutes to the train in the freezing rain cuz I fucking hate rain, so I consult google maps to see which of the alternate routes I know of would be quickest, and decide on the one that takes my normal bus route to a close by train station of another line that I can then take to the loop. So that worked out fine and I got to school in plenty of time to prep for the panel. Oh, I left out that I woke up to a text from my across the hall at work friend saying she was like ridiculously sick and couldn't come, so that sucked but oh well. After not too long DCFS guy comes over with the PD we were able to get from delinquency, so we hang out and talk for a while as things get set up more and we get food before the panel. So, we ended up having 4 panelists, which worked well because we initially felt overbooked at 6, but 2 had to cancel haha so that ended up being good. We had the PD, DCFS guy, an adoption attorney, and a child rep that does work in domestic relations (divorce/custody court). And of course I was the moderator, so I got ask my questions and they went really well! Everyone had good and varying answers, and even gave some well-reasoned answers to my thrown in at the last minute question about if they could change one thing about the system they work in what would it be, because of course I am so very reform minded, lol. We got to open the floor up a little at the end, and the panelists talked about the last question for like 10 minutes and I was like watching the clock knowing the 1L's all had to get back to class at 1 so as soon as they finished I was like OKAY whoever needs to leave go and we can chat with the panelists if you want to stay, lol. So that felt good overall. I stayed and talked to DCFS guy about some random stuff since he had some time before going back to work since this was an official work sanctioned event for him, lol. So that was cool. When he headed out I switched over to the PAD office for a bit and did something on my computer for a little, I don't even remember what, before going to meet my LARC prof for our individual conference. It wasn't all that helpful because it tended to be just more generalized feedback, and like I know what I'm doing its just a matter of doing it in the form they want. But I got my argument section back and graded so between that and my graded trial brief I should have some good basis to go off when I finish off the appellate brief this weekend hopefully. That's the idea, anyway. After that I went back to school and was gonna go to the PAD office but instead found my spring break friend, summer job friend, and the girl who's gonna be the president of the child and family law group with me next semester chilling in one of the rooms, so I hung out with them and actually got around to reading most of the cases for crim pro tonight. It was nice, even if I still felt exhausted at the end of the day. And I ended up ordering Chinese food because I felt like it before class lol and they had these mango and shrimp egg rolls that are possibly the craziest and most amazing things I've ever tasted. Crim pro was fine, just went over the few cases, and I interjected two short comments on different aspects of police behavior and their consequences (one of which was in result of a wrongful conviction that was affirmed by the fucking Supreme Court before later getting DNA exonerated that besides this man spending so much of his life in prison, there was a fucking child rapist freely roaming the streets). She then told us about how she's gonna like speed through the rest of the cases at the next two classes, and then let us go at 6:45....? Idk, I feel like she wasn't prepared for them or something, although I've discovered when she recites the "facts" of the case she reads almost word for word off the quimbee briefs I've been looking at, lol. But hey, I'll take it. It was still rainy and gross so I tried the alternate route again but with slightly more anxiety this time because I don't like relying on buses at night because, basically, the suck. We end up getting off the train literally right as the bus is pulling up to the stop (like I saw the bus as soon as I got off the train and had to run down two flights of stairs to get to it) and I just made it but like the driver was being rude and I had to like, bang on the door when there were like 4 other people with me trying to get on.....like calm down lady it's not gonna kill you to wait another 2 seconds. So that kind of ticked me off but I was at least glad I caught the bus. Got home and decided to watch the episode of Blindspot that had pretty much just finished airing and OH BOY do I have feelings about this episode. I already did a massive Twitter rant about this (and I mean massive) so I'll just give you the highlights but between this plot and Chicago Justice's (both nbc shows, fyi) treatment of a foster kid earlier this week I had just about had it. The kind of plot Blindspot did tonight was awful because it adds to the idea that foster parents are bad people who are only in it for the money, and that is overwhelmingly false. Are there crappy foster parents in the system? Of course, I spent all of last semester tracking them down and getting the kids removed from their homes. But the vast, vast majority of foster parents are wonderful, loving people who are sacrificing so much for a child they may very well have to say goodbye to some day. And when we are already at such a critical shortage of foster parents, this kind of portrayal is so damaging to that image. It only serves to add more stigma to the idea of foster parents are being corrupt and "foster child" practically being synonymous with "problem child" in some peoples heads, another convention that needs to end. The whole thing just really, really got under my skin. I mean, I know better than anyone that this kind of shit (okay I mean, this was obviously an extreme example, but similar types of mistreatment I mean) does happen, but broadcasting it as one of a very few portrayals of foster parents most people are gonna see is damaging to the idea of being a foster parent and hurts the chance that they would consider being one in the future, and that's just such a major problem for me. I obviously have a lot of feelings about this, and I feel like I should find some higher up at nbc to write to about it, other than tagging the network's account in my Twitter rant. But yeah, the whole thing just really pissed me off. Other than that though, my only other comment on the episode was that I was really sad to see Nas go, even though I knew it was inevitable as soon as she got involved with Weller, because the show has made it abundantly clear that Kurt/Jane is endgame and anyone who interferes with that isn't gonna last. But I really couldn't give a crap about her and Kurt's romance or whatever, she was such a great character in so many other ways and such a fantastic leader that I'm sad to see her character leave. And I mean not all of this is coming from my adoration of Archie as an actress, but she really did a fantastic job with the character that I feel like the show will miss her a lot. Okay, so after that I actually got to watch designated survivor live, which I've only gotten to do a handful of times. And man, this episode was EXCELLENT. Like definitely one of the best episodes of television I've seen from an objective (not fandom based) viewpoint. Like just as a piece of art it was brilliantly done. Admittedly I didn't pay all that much attention to the B and C storylines of Hannah and Aaron's adventures, but they were solid in their own right. But the really just knocked it out of the park with Kirkman's A storyline, like holy shit we're seriously at the point where how can you not be rooting for this character? I loved seeing him prep for the town hall and trying to figure out what he should see and then him in that scene and just being so fucking brilliant. Everything he did in that scene was artistic perfection. I had very real tears running down my cheeks by the end of it, and I have a hard time believing anyone else could watch it and not be similarly emotionally affected (even if you don't cry). Like they used just the perfect amount of personal story worked in there without pushing one issue or over-milking a tragic storyline. Just watching him on that stage and speaking from his heart to that mother was just so incredibly beautiful and I'm sitting there thinking damn, I would give anything to have Tom Kirkman as our actual president right now, lol, I seriously think he would be doing so much better than the current joke of an administration we have. So yeah, obviously I was very impressed with the episode. Kiefer continues to be a spectacular actor, and just shines in this role because he is so very good at bringing out the intricacies of the character, his doubts and fears while still managing to remain a strong leader that the people can trust in a time of such horrific distress. But yeah, obviously very pleased there. And yeah, not long after that I started getting ready for bed and here we are, lol, although 2 hours slipped by somewhere in between (funny how that happens). Big girl job in the morning, and then I'm probably gonna find a Starbucks to chill out and work on my LARC assignment on until small group because I just don't have the physical or emotional energy to go to the kickboxing gym this week, though I have been continuing to do push ups during commercial breaks, so that's good at least lol. Okay I think I'm done here. Goodnight lovelies. Have a good sleep.

[chelsorz07]

the best part about these is I don’t look at my old answers beforehand

Who reads my surveys? Nobody? Thought so. Okay.

Have you ever had a panic attack? many, thanks. Probably several hundred, but I haven’t had one in a long time. Mostly because I never leave my house. Where is the person who has your heart at the moment? home, HQ, idk. I think he’s on nights this hitch, so work, till 6am. Do you think relationships are hard? they can be. I think everything is hard. But I mean you still gotta try. Otherwise you’re just alone and miserable forever and that’s no fun. Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life? i try. I think there are people who will remember me, but I don’t necessarily believe that I’ve had a life-changing impact. Are you a type of person who cares what people say about you? nooope. Not really. Unless they have some sort of legitimate authority over me. Like my boss. But even then I don’t dwell on it. A minimum wage job isn’t worth fretting over. Has anyone lied to you today? probably. I don’t think so. Most of my conversations today haven’t been serious enough to warrant a lie. Have you recently lost someone that means everything to you? i definitely have not. Nope. If you get a chance to move somewhere, where would you move? actually i wouldn't even mind staying in bradford, as long as i could just get out of this house. I WANT TO GO HOMEEEE. When's the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face? last night playing mario party with amanda, gary, and aaron. Not sure. Oh yeah, this bitch in front of me at the ATL show that kept twerking her ass on me to push me back when I was trying to get to my sister.   Do you understand football? i loooove football. of course i understand it. The fooseball is my life. Well not quite that severe. But yeah I get it and I need it. What is your favorite cartoon character? used to be patrick. now i don't really have one. cartoons make me rage. Experiment 626. At the moment, do you terribly miss someone? well gary's here but i still miss her cuz i only got to spend like 12 hours with her yesterday and i don't know if i'll be able to see her again before she leaves. All my people in Bradford, and my friend Faith because I haven’t seen her since April even though she literally lives like 2 miles away. What time did you wake up this morning? i didn't even get home till quarter to 6...got up at quarter to 9. My alarm was set for 9:30...Think I woke up sometime between 8:30 and 9. Do you like to cuddle/snuggle? love it. I do but I don’t. Because like cuddling is nice but I also have trouble breathing. Who was the last person you held hands with? dave. Dave is the only person I hold hands with.  Are you texting anyone? yep. Talking to Dave and Mike on fb messenger. Are you a morning person or a night person? night. My body is neither. My brain is a night person. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? it should. Who the hell knows. Do you like taking walks in the middle of the night? yeahhh. I used to. Don’t care for taking walks at all these days. What is your biggest annoyance at the moment? i have to do a bunch of shit today before i can leave...but i'm not coming home the rest of the weekend so it's all good. I’m itchy. Psoriasis probs. Who did you last take a picture with? gary and amanda. Haaaang on I have to check my camera. Maranda, on my birthday. What are you going to do tomorrow? there's a very small chance i'll go to state park to eat with the family, and then hopefully we're camping. but we always say we're camping and we never do. so i'm not optimistic. Whole lotta nothin’, and probably a load of laundry. Have you ever thrown something at anyone? all the time. I mean not like with intent to injure them. But I do tend to throw shit occasionally. Not actual shit. I’m not a baboon. Have you ever been called a bitch? i am a bitch. so yeah. This will never change. Are you currently mad at someone? no. just annoyed with my parents. Not really. I’ve actually been feeling pretty good lately. If you could have anything right now, what would it be? money. Money and not heartburn. Do you want to have children? not anytime in the forseeable future. Yeah but I don’t get emotional about it anymore because I know I don’t have my shit together enough to be responsible for the life of another human being. Plus, yaknow, I haven’t had sex in six months. Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? now. Currently. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days? yesss ^_^ No because he’s been gone for 5 days. It’s actually been about a week and a half. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? this morning. um...i cleared stuff off my bed. Peed, probably. Smoked a cigarette, definitely. Does cuddling freak you out? not even remotely. Just when I start suffocating. Last person you saw other than family? gary, aaron, and amanda. My old Elder-Beerman friends. I visited them after work today. Are you happy? toats!! I don’t know as I’d go that far but I do feel better than I have in months. Were you single on your last birthday? no.  I was not.

Do you talk a lot? way too much. I can, when it’s been too long since I’ve had human contact. I also talk to myself, and to my cats. But I like my quiet time too. Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them? usually. I ignore people pretty much always. Who was the last person to go to the movies with you? marty. yeah. i haven't been to the movies in almost 2 years. Dave. It was over a year ago though. We’re not theater people. I just REALLY wanted to see Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. Who do you turn to when you're down? friends. My Marshie ♥ Do you swear a lot? all the damn time. Can’t not. I swear so much it’s not even swearing anymore. Are there any bruises on your body? yes! don't ask. lol Yeah idk what happened I think one of the tote bag hanger things at work attacked me. Have you ever had stitches? when i got my tonsils out. Yes. Tonsils and gallbladder.  Would you go out with someone right now if they asked? i'm already with someone. Sorry, I’s a taken woman. Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months? i can. If the last eight years are anything to go by, I’d say so. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone of the opposite sex? futon, couch, whatevs. Yup. Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with? dude the four of us spent like five hours just talking about shit last night. Probably Amanda. That’s who I have all my serious conversations with. When you meet the right person, do you fall fast? yes. i sure as hell did this time. I guess so. What did you do last night? tanning with amanda, dinner with her and gary, then we went to olean, hung out with the guys downtown for a while, and went back to gary's uncle's house and played the Wii until 5am lol Watched Shameless and cried about Mickey. Again. What's one thing you're tired of? being controlled. Being poor and being sad all the time. Also heartburn. Are you a jealous person? no. Ehh. Not really. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? fuckin' sleeping. Very close to waking up. I had a weird dream but don’t remember what it was about. Do you say sexy a lot? i hate that word. Only about the cast of Supernatural. Are you a bad influence? haha probably. appaently i get people drunk and take advantage of them. i didn't hear him complaining though lol I mean I encourage smoking, drinking, and the destruction of men. But I don’t think I have enough clout to actually influence anyone. Do you have trust issues? not really. i just don't trust people until they've earned it. I don’t really trust anyone. I’ve just accepted that that’s not a thing anymore. Do you straighten your hair everyday? no. Maybe once a week or once every two weeks. My hair is pretty cooperative most of the time so it looks okay just drying it. Have you argued with anyone today? ehh. kinda random bickering. Not that I recall. Any current scabs or bruises? you asked this already. You asked this already. Are you klutzy? very. Obviously if I’ve always got bruises I don’t know the cause of. Ever tripped over your own feet? oh, daily. Quite often. Would you consider permanent make-up? no. a couple women my mom works with have their eyeliner or lipliner tattooed on...it's not attractive. I like doing my makeup differently every day too much to do that. Will your next kiss be a mistake? no way. Um, no. Are you nice to everyone? ha. nope. I’m nicer than I used to be. What is the last non-alcoholic drink you had? monster. Sweet tea. That’s why I have heartburn. What was the best thing that happened today? nothing really good has happened today. i want my shirts to come...and i'll be out later, so that's always good. My old supervisor hugging me when I haven’t seen her in months and thought she was mad at me for quitting. Are you open about your feelings or closed off? depends what i'm feeling and who i'm dealing with. If they’re good, meh, or sucky feelings I’ll talk about them. If they’re really bad I’ll either joke about them to avoid dealing or just not talk at all. What's the last thing you borrowed from someone? erica's sunglasses, and she told me i could have them lol Ummmmm...I don’t interact with people enough to borrow things, I guess. Do you think you're normal? i'm far from normal. Why in the hell would I want to be normal? Have you ever been used? quite often. Yeah but it’s whatevs. Do you listen to music a lot? of course. All the damn time. Do you celebrate Christmas? yeah, but i want to stop. it's too much hullaballoo. don't care if i spelled that right haha For my family’s benefit. And for the food. And I actually like getting gifts for other people. But the stress, drama, and Jesus bullshit ruins it for me every year. Do you believe you can be in love with someone without knowing them? to some extent, but you can't love them completely. in the same respect though, i don't think you can ever truly know someone one hundred percent. I think there are a lot of things I don’t know about Dave, and I still love him. He’s been around longer than I have so obviously he had an entire life before me. I don’t feel the need to know about that. Have you ever talked in your sleep? no. My mom said I screamed in my sleep once, but I don’t talk. Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? i know they do. I’m often underestimated. Which is fine.  Are you easily amused? very much so. If I’m in the right mood to be. What do you get complimented on the most? titties. Recently, my makeup. Will this weekend be a good one? hopefully. It just ended. And it was alright. Not as good as last weekend. But that’s because I’m here and not in Bradford.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? yes. No. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed. My bedroom door is always closed because the cats aren’t allowed in there. But recently I’ve been sleeping in their room (because I’m a hypocrite) and I have to leave that door open because they come in and out at all hours. Who was the last person you rode in the car with that was under 21? amanda & gary. Allison. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? yesss. A couple. Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks? no...we never ended up going to the fireworks. Somehow we still keep missing the fireworks lol Could you handle a long distance relationship? i tried and failed. but distance was the least of our issues. Dave and I are long distance 2/3 of the time because of his schedule.