#but honestly i will take more i just wanted to slow it down HAHAHA

[stanpinesdykewife]

OH MY GODDDDD😭😭😭😭😭😭 i was the one to request the drabble for easy and HOLY SHIT MY PUSSY JUMPED you’re too good 😭😭 thank you seriously thats the best drabble i’ve ever read in my life 🧎‍♀️‍➡️… thabk you 😭 i’ll claim this emoji 🎀 as mine so when i send asks you know its me 🙏

HAHAHA WHAT THE HECK I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!! thank you so much for requesting that prompt it wouldn't leave my mind! i had so so so much fun writing it!!

[lolishdes]

✧A/N: An idea just fucking ERUPTED IN ME CHRIST HAHAHA hope you all enjoy this. I actually did this pretty quick, did some proof reading though hehe.

✧Warning/s: SMUT— LITERALLY SMUT GALORE BABES, though Diluc is very sweet and gentle, kissing, clit slapping, praises, mentions of spanking.

Minors kindly don't interact!

-----------------

Hear me out. 

Diluc and you have been married for quite  some time and now in your forties. However on days when you feel insecure about yourself, Diluc has such a perverted way of making you feel better again. 

So whenever you're both socializing during parties as his hand is resting right on your hip, his attention towards you as he is listening attentively. And one of the noble ladies compliments your look for the night you wave a hand at them dismissively "Oh my, you flatter me my dear however I couldn't possibly accept that, an old hag like me is far from beautiful." The noble lady laughs and insists that she is telling the truth. When you're busy conversing you don't notice Diluc's hip on you as it got tighter. And his eyes looked down on you, a hint of darkness to them as he has plans for later when you're both alone. 

Love making with Diluc has always been gentle and passionate. And his punishment for you tonight will be no different— Well, maybe a bit more different. He plans on making you take back what you said in the party after all, and what better way than to use sweet sweet pleasure to torture you. 

"Ahh— my love, please..." 

"Mm, do you know how ravishing you sound right now, dear?" 

You were about to moan out again however Diluc dives in for another hungry kiss. His hips were at an agonizingly slow pace yet his thrusts were deep. One of his hands rubs on your clit, making sure to trigger jolts of pleasure throughout your body. He continues to kiss all over you, not leaving a single place untouched. " 'Luc, oh archons mm!" You would only blabber a few words, pleading but never specifying what, but your lovely husband knows better. He would tell you to hush as he whispers a few 'I knows' and 'I got yous'

And he is doing all of these while you're facing the mirror that he so conveniently places in front of the bed. Strategically placing it there so that you would see how beautiful and breathtaking you actually are. While still thrusting inside of you he grabs on your child gently and forces you to look at yourself in the mirror. "See? Look how gorgeous you are—"

He plants a kiss on your cheek, and a thrust follows. "—The most beautiful lady out there," a kiss again. "—my  darling wife~" a whine comes out of you as tears start to fall down, the pleasure was getting too much! 

With a full view of your husband pleasuring you, you moaned at the sight. It's honestly very naughty and perverted, yet you liked it. He leans in near your ear and whispers, "Now tell me, are you my gorgeous wife?"  You nodded and this made him smirk. "Mm that's better." 

Out of nowhere he slaps your clit. hard. You jolt from this sudden action as you could only grip the bed sheets harder. You tried getting away from him out of instinct, it was getting tortuous by the second. And he could only chuckle slowly at your pathetic attempt. "Don't run away, we're not done here."

Hours were spent making you feel good as you could only cry out in pleasure. You got spanked a couple of times, your holes creamed and filled, even licked and sucked in many different places. By the time you guys were done Diluc stared down at you lovingly as he is proud of what he has done. He wants nothing more than to see his wife satisfied and fucked out. He kisses your body a few more times as you whine, still sensitive for his touch. 

"My precious starlight, let's get you cleaned up, yeah?"

[letsbangchanblog]

NSFW ABCs for JIUNG

Mature content: 18+ post! Minors, do not enter!!

Summary: NSFW ABCs

Idol: JIUNG from p1harmony

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)

Hear me out!!! He doesn't really do aftercare because he is constantly doing acts of service for you.  It's his main love language so there is no change. He is very attentive and constantly checking on you regardless of activities you engage in. 

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

He doesn't have a favorite. I feel like he is very self conscious on the down low. He would never speak or act insecure. He would just love to hear you praise his body. He doesn't have to think then. 

He knows body positivity is very hard which is why he LOVES ALL OF YOU.  He will constantly be telling you how much he loves you the way you are. He would not be turned off over a weight gain. 

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

He loves to cum in you.  He wants to breed you so badly. He is yours for life so create an army. He knows that's a very unreasonable goal but he would not be upset over it. 

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

Breeder. He wants to stuff you full. He gives off animalistic vibes when it comes to having sex with you. It's so much more than a fun activity. It's his purpose (very okay with faking it, probably wants to do that a lot). 

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

I feel like he has more experience than most but for very sad reasons. He wanted to be desired so badly and most girls just wanted him sexually. He was okay fucking around to be able to feel loved. 

F= Favorite position 

Every. single. one. There is no such thing as a favorite. hahaha silly, you are perfect in literally every single one. There is no picking against perfection. 

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

He is more interested in romance and claiming. He doesn't think this is a funny activity. 

H= Hair (grooming habits)

I think you can tell him what to do. He doesn't care enough. He would rather you tell him actually. He wants you to be turned on so if grooming would affect that, tell him or he will ask.

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

Very romantic even when he is claiming you. It's full of so much love and worship.  He needs you to know you are the only one for him. It's not often he shows his love physically. This is why it's so important to him to keep it serious, and romantic. 

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

I honestly don't think he wants to. Sex is only for you now. He will wait for his partner to also be ready. 

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

Wants you pregnant. He thinks the idea is so hot. He would do anything you want. Like anything for you to be able to get off while he is trying to breed you. Also low key wants to be heard fucking you. It makes him horny just think about people knowing he fucks you so good. He would rather keep the idea fantasy though. 

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

Anywhere safe. You deserve to be filled everywhere you are ready for. 

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)

I think you know the answer. Babies. 

He is just motivated by loving you too. 

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)

Not one to share.. people would be more likely to watch before being able to touch. Only he can be that lucky. 

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

Loves giving oral. I don't think he is worried about receiving it. He's turned on by your desire to do it but not anything else. It feels good but he would rather be inside of you.

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)

He loves everything about being in you.  So he would go fast, slow, rough, sweet. He will do it all. He can last a very long time because he wants to live there.

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

These never work out so he can't take the risk anymore. The company is fed up. 

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

If you want it, you get it as long as no one else is involved. Yes, this means he would let you have control BUT it's silently understood he is in control no matter what. He would let you peg him too. 

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

Will meet your desires. He can make it last but can shorten it as needed.  

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

Willing to try it out for you. He would be turned on by you buying them more than anything. He is here to breed you so whatever it needs to look like to be accomplished. 

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

Most reasonable man ever.  It's your way 100% as long as he can cum in or on you. 

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

Very loud. Moans so much. He loves doing it in your ears. He will also wanna tell you how much he wants to fill you up and make you cum. So into dirty talk unless you aren't a fan (just let him cum inside if he can't talk you through it).

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

When you do get pregnant, it will be harder for him to control his sexual urges. He waited so long and you are literally so perfect.

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)

Boyfriend dick. Perfect and it's so pretty. One of the prettiest ever. It's literally girl written perfect. 

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

Normal unless you are a very horny girl. He will match you. He can't go lower than average though. You are too sexy for that. He is so fair, let him have this. 

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

Very rare for him to sleep. He has to guard you for a while before he can do that. You guys also fuck randomly.

[maaarshieee]

⎯⎯ ୨ This Guy's In love With You Pare ୧ ⎯⎯

ੈ♡˳ Alhaitham x Male!Reader *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ 6.9k words ┊ Fluff + Crack + Hurt/comfort *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ Masterlist *ೃ༄

author's note ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

written as part of @yae-publishing-house's MODERN AU EVENT! yeah i made it into a school thing as well BUT THE SONG I BASED IT OFF WAS IN A SCHOOL SETTING... the song is the title, made by 'parokya ni edgar',,, we need more male reader content and this song came across my yt reccs once again so i HAD to write smth based off it,, have a good day/night!! ALSO THIS GOES TO MY FELLOW PINOYS,,, kausapin nyo naman ako tangina HAHAHA,, pare means bro/dude,, honestly i think this isn't good enough but huddsa,, long fic hehe (more in tags 💕)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ cw: gay struggles, in denial of gay feelings AHAH, teens but same personalities, oblivious!reader, brief misunderstanding (reader is thought to be against gays), slight angst if you squint near the end, finding out your sexuality in the worst way possible /j, ooc alhaitham?, a whiplash of events and memories??? HAHAHAHA

"I'm telling you, that guy likes— loves you, dude."

Those words seemed to slow down time for you, the book in your hand long forgotten as your heart leaped up your throat. Heat spreads throughout your chest, creeping up your neck and to your cheek, and you aren't sure if it's from embarrassment from your friend's, Kaveh, assumption, or rage for such bullshit ideas he had started sprouting out of his good-for-nothing mouth. Blinking incredulously at Kaveh, who was, surprisingly, staring back at you with a rather serious expression, you shook your head in disagreement, glaring at the blonde beside you. When Kaveh said that you two needed to talk about something urgent, you should've known it was just one of his annoying antics, dragging you hurriedly all the way to the rooftop of your school for a silly joke.

With a soft sigh escaping your lips as your mind finally processed his nonsense, you threw a punch at Kaveh's unsuspecting arm, making him yelp in pain and glare back at you. "Hey! What the hell is that for!? I'm serious, you know!?" He hissed in pain, rubbing his aching shoulder as you proceeded to read once again, rolling your eyes. You couldn't believe you skipped lunch just for this, now you're hungry and distracted. Closing your book with a slam, you hit the hard cover against your forehead.

The burn on your cheeks hasn't left as your thoughts lingered on Kaveh's words. Alhaitham? Your long-time best friend? Love you? The thought seemed so absurd when Alhaitham acts like he could barely tolerate you. He was a student of high honors, always on top and taking the rightful title of Valedictorian. Alhaitham, without much effort, was impeccably famous all over school, both for his flawless marks and impressive looks, and his rather arrogant personality, mixed in with his logic-based mentality. Even if he wasn't well-liked across the school for his harsh comments and condescending impression of everyone, girls and boys alike couldn't help but swoon at his handsome but cold charms. And you? Well, you're just a normal student in the same school, with somewhat decent grades. One of the only reasons you haven't failed as much as you would've thought was because of Alhaitham. He told you one day that since he's your 'friend', he's obligated to at least ensure you won't drop out of school and have presentable grades for when you're bound to go to college. You weren't famous either, and there wasn't really anything about you that stands out, other than being Alhaitham's only friend, inside and outside of your school.

Plus, the only reason you and Alhaitham have stuck together for this long is that you've been friends since childhood, your parents being very close with one another and so the connection you've created ever since was difficult to sever now. Not like neither of you wants to part anyways, so you've grown fond of each other over the years, even if Alhaitham wasn't very expressive of it, so it would leave others to wonder if the two of you are truly friends or not. Both of you would always bicker, with Alhaitham scolding you for not taking your studies seriously and you remarking about him studying too much. Being with him only felt natural, being by his side a majority of the time you spent at school and home, letting him study at the seat next to you while you did anything you wanted to. Study sessions always included him, as well as lunch breaks, the end of school, holidays, and summer.

"You're thinking about him right now, are you?" Kaveh's voice snapped you back to reality, jerking your head away from the cover of your book as your eyes narrowed at the smug expression he wore on his face, arms crossed. "Don't tell me you love him too?"

Like a ticking time bomb, you could hear your heart pound against your ribcage in your ears, faint ringing in the distance, before your brain suddenly exploded at his accusation, your mouth forming into a snarl. "What!? Are you crazy!? We're both guys, Kaveh!" Although you were scowling at your friend that sat beside you, fuming at his nonsense blabbering, the heat on your face only intensified, and Kaveh was quick to take notice, teasing you even more. There was no way you'd like Alhaitham! Sure, he's been part of your life for so long that being without him feels utterly wrong, that you'd seek his company and would choose him over everyone else, doesn't mean you have romantic affections towards your best friend! That was just it, best friends, completely platonic and only favoring him more due to the time you've spent together, and knowing each other better than anyone else. And you're (somewhat) certain Alhaitham shares the same sentiment.

Kaveh was just being ridiculous, and you've had enough of it. You're going to prove to him that your best friend doesn't harbor feelings for you in that way, only seeing you as a trustworthy companion worthy of his time and friendship. With a scoff, you stood up from where sat, leaving Kaveh sputtering curses under his breath from your punches.

Sunlight peeked through the curtains of your room, dust and particles dancing from the light it brought as the cool wind made the plants sitting on your window sill bob and flutter. Right outside your door, you could hear the faint chattering of your family all across the living room, watching a comedy movie together, without you. Usually, you'd never miss out on the chance to be with your family to bond with them... But the past few days have left you in a daze and chaotic realization. You couldn't believe that you were saying this but... Kaveh may be actually right. Standing motionlessly in your bathroom, facing the mirror inches away from your face whilst your hands gripped the edges of the marble sink, your brows furrowed and eyes unfocused as you thought about your observations on Alhaitham, cold water dripping down your face.

At school, you've begun paying much more on everything Alhaitham does. From the way he talks, looks at people, reactions when others try talking to him, and certain things you do to get a rise from him. And to your horror, you've found out that Alhaitham does favor you over others, just not in the way you originally thought of.

Alhaitham has always looked at other people with this layer of frostiness no matter who they are, though he still does regard teachers and elders with a minute sense of respect, his eyes were still sharp as ever, calculating and impassive. But when he turns to look at you, you've taken note of how his eyes ever-so-slightly softened at the sight of you, the ice that would freeze strangers with a mere glance would melt, and instead of gazing at you with simple familiarity, you could sense a sort of fondness in his eyes as a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. What surprised you the most was when you often caught him staring at you— more specifically; your lips, when he had thought your attention was somewhere else, and not on him. Sometimes, he'd even subtly glance at your lips whilst you spoke to him, then return, maintaining eye contact with you, as if he was hinting at something he desired to do with them...

Alhaitham would typically avoid any sort of physical touch from others, and neither does engage in it. Why should he when he barely knew them, nor the fact that it was completely unnecessary? But when you wrap your arms around his shoulders as you walk down the halls together, nudge him with your elbow or lean against his body, he never spares you a glance, nor pushes you away. He never does, in fact, he seemed to rather indulge himself with your touch, relishing the warmth your hands bring and sometimes even initiating these touches himself. From wiping away messy crumbs from your lips, gently but firmly grabbing your wrist to lead you to the library where he always is, and pinching your cheek to wake you from your slumber to prevent you from getting caught by the teacher. You also noticed that he'd grow a tad bolder on some days, his touches lingering on your body, but would quickly return his hand to himself, flipping a page of the book he was reading. But you could tell, it was written all over his face, that he longed to touch you for longer periods, perhaps even hold you in his arms... Though, he didn't, not wanting to risk being the cause of making you uncomfortable.

You knew Alhaitham was very aware of how others would only come toward him to attain knowledge and assistance from one of the most brilliant students of the academy, hoping that if they managed to befriend him, their grades would exponentially increase! One thing they never took into consideration, though, is if they were up to Alhaitham's standards. But what are Alhaitham's standards? Does a person have to be sophisticated and at his level of smartness to befriend him? No, of course not, he could care less about who's smart or not, but no one will ever reach up to his very specific standards because, simply put, his standard is you. If Kaveh hadn't opened your eyes to this perspective of your dear best friend, you would've mistaken everything he has done for you as simple things friends do for each other. How come you haven't noticed it before? Were you so oblivious to this fact that you never caught wind of the double meaning of his actions that he only seemed to do for you? Using the excuse that you've never dated anyone yet was even too foolish! You hadn't realized that to everyone, it was fairly obvious and that it was only you who hadn't recognized that his feelings were more than platonic.

Hell, even your parents knew and they didn't even tell you! Cruel, you felt utterly betrayed by everyone you knew. But you were ultimately more upset at yourself. Seriously, who would buy you something that you had offhandedly mentioned a few years back, something that even you had forgotten, and give it to you on your recent birthday? Who else would buy you your favorite treats and snacks whenever he passes by a convenience store on the way to your house? Alhaitham would only ever agree if you were the one to ask him to help you with your studies— everyone else will be ignored and rejected. Alhaitham would only ever hear out criticism if it's from you. Alhaitham would always let things you did that didn't bide with the rules of the academy slide, pretending that you totally didn't accidentally break one of the bathroom doors with a click of his tongue and a brief scolding to be more careful, before pacing away from the crime scene.

You, you, you— it's always been you. Your belief that Alhaitham would never fancy a girl because his taste was too refined was a swing and a whole fucking miss from the actual truth, hitting you with the force of an oncoming truck. He wasn't interested in girls, not because the girls in the academy never aligned with his type, no, it was because he was fucking gay!

And you should've known better than to convey to Kaveh every single realization you've gathered throughout the span of a whole week, taking pleasure in watching you have an internal crisis at your conundrum. "I told you, and you didn't believe me!" Kaveh had a smug smirk on his lips that you longed to smack off his face. "Alhaitham is really fucking gay for you, bro." He relished your exasperated reactions, both hands on your face as he laughs out loud, slapping his knee. You buried your face further into your hands the more Kaveh teased you, face practically on flames on how hot it burned. A thought struck you, and you pulled your hands away from your face, eyes meeting the swaying leaves of potted plants that were littered across the rooftop of the academy (courtesy to Tighnari), the impending summer heat prickling the skin of your face, blinking away the brightness of your surroundings.

"Why hasn't he confessed to me then?" You asked no one in particular, eyes trailing back to your hands. Kaveh, who was stuffing his face with his lunch that he had brought up to the rooftop, without missing a beat, replied; "Because you're stupid enough to not see he's head over heels on you so he thinks you're straight." Frowning, you turned your head toward him with a raised brow, confused. "Think? But I am straight." Kaveh paused for a brief moment, before letting out a humored snort and shaking his head in disbelief. "Yeah right." That was his only comment and this earned another angered punch on his arm.

"Agh! Stop punching me when I'm only stating facts!" Kaveh huffed, rubbing his bruising arm once more, before smirking at you again, pointing a finger at you. "But with how much you're paying attention to him and acting weirdly, he'd confess to you sooner or later."

What he said made your heart race, because you had your own growing suspicions, as much as you'd hate to admit it. The moment Alhaitham detected your growing awareness of his affections toward you and hadn't distanced yourself from him upon revelation, he was becoming more audacious. Just a few minutes ago, before you ran off with Kaveh up the stairs, Alhaitham's managed to caress your cheek with the bullshit excuse that there was something on your face, and you knew that he wasn't hiding his true intentions either anymore, enjoying seeing you at a loss of words when his hand rested on the small of your back to lead you somewhere instead of typically grabbing your wrist, or compliment you out of the blue, even if you didn't do anything particularly outstanding.

It was so natural for Alhaitham, to let his actions speak so loudly what he truly felt without a trace of shame in his handsome features (wait, since when did you start thinking he's handsome?), with a confident poise, honeyed words that were a huge contrast to his stone cold character would roll off his tongue so smoothly that you'd find yourself drowning in his intense emotions. It throws you off, catches you off guard, makes your head all fuzzy, and then suddenly, you're hyper-aware of everything he does. Just for how long was he waiting for you to notice, so he could proceed without such excessive caution? He's been hanging out in your house every day, after every school, doing nothing in particular together. Since when has Alhaitham undoubtedly fallen for you? Understanding the only possible truth that Alhaitham had never spoken to you of his true feelings was because he was, what, afraid to risk a friendship that has lasted since you were children? It still baffles you to this day.

Despite Alhaitham's actions, you find yourself... yearning for more. How come? Well, you're certainly not gay. Perhaps you just enjoyed the attention he gave you? (He's with you every day, and doesn't pay mind to others. All of his attention has always been on you.) Perhaps you were just reassured that Alhaitham truly did like you and didn't think of you as a horrible person that he's stuck with? (Wait, since when, were you insecure—?) Whatever, it was, it isn't because you're gay! You don't reciprocate those romantic feelings on your best friend (how can you be so sure?)!

After a long, unbearable silence, you leaned back against the wall and ran your hand through your hair, heaving a deep sigh. This was all Kaveh's fault. Ever since he said those not-so-bullshit words to you, you've never been so conflicted about what you think of Alhaitham, and, unfortunately, of yourself. You weren't even sure if you were straight or not because you'd never had a crush on a girl because Alhaitham was the one hogging most of your attention.

"Yeah, I know."

Tonight is the night you will die.

And it is all your parents' fault.

They just had to ask Alhaitham over for dinner, and your mother had to suggest that he should sleep over for the night. Right after you told them that you had finally realized his feelings for you too! They mean well, that's for sure, but holy hell, you're about to lose your mind with how nervous you are. It wasn't the first time Alhaitham would be sleeping over at your house, but it was his first time sleeping over with both of you aware of one's feelings for the other. The urge to scream and run off by jumping out of your window has never been stronger. But you stayed, already taking out the extra mattress your family bought for Alhaitham's use whenever he stayed over, his pillows and blankets, placing them right on the floor, next to your bed. Tidying up your bedroom distracts you, straightening your sheets and comforter, and watering your plants. By the time you finished, your mother called you down for dinner and to open the door for your best friend.

Though you were originally anxious about Alhaitham's sleepover, you knew you could trust Alhaitham not to step over the line and make you feel uncomfortable. You were certain that it was the opposite of what Alhaitham would want, and that even if he does harbor romantic feelings for you, he would never force it upon you in a way that would leave you to tears. So you pretended it was as if you were unaware once again, acting how you'd normally do when Alhaitham would come over; excited and already dragging him inside your home to greet your parents (he calls your parents 'auntie' and uncle' and it was the last nail of your coffin filled with ever-so-late awareness).

And dinner was the same as always, filled with happy chattering and laughter, all of you not minding Alhaitham's bluntness nor his ramblings once one of your parents brought up a topic that piques his interest. They've known Alhaitham for as long as you have, growing fond of the boy as if he was their own. And you can tell that he shares the view, given how he was softly smiling the whole time you had dinner. After that, the two of you went straight to your bedroom when your mother rejected both of your offers to help in the kitchen and began talking about anything that comes to mind; be it school, plans for the next few days, a hobby, interesting facts or your annoying friend, Kaveh. At this point and time, the unspoken feelings he has for you completely slipped from your mind as the comfortable presence of your best friend settles beside you, listening to you rant about a new video game that was going to be released in summer, beaming in excitement, soliciting a quiet chuckle from Alhaitham.

But Alhaitham had to bring you back to reality once the both of you were tucked in comfortably in your own beds, ready to finally call it a day and just fall asleep. His words, though soft and low, his soothing voice turned into unpleasant ringing in your ears with the words he spoke. "Hey, are you still awake?" It was a simple question, but it made you stiff on your bed, squeezing your eyes shut to hide the fact that you were still awake, biting on your bottom lip. "I have something to confess to you." The pits of your stomach twisted as your heartbeat quickened as you had a sliver of hunch about what was about to transpire. Then, like a bucket of cold water was thrown all over your body, the grip you had on your sheets tightened when you heard the hushed shifting of his clothes, his presence nearing your form, your back facing him. "I like you more than you could ever imagine." He whispered against your ear, his hot breath hitting your skin, shivering upon the contact. Your breath hitched at his confession, your head spinning at how hot your cheeks burned, but you kept your eyes closed, not giving a single care anymore even if he knew that you were still awake. For a while, the both of you stayed like that, waiting for something to happen, for one of you to make a move with bated breaths... Before Alhaitham eventually pulled away from your 'sleeping' form, a small sigh left his lips. "C'mon, wake up." Alhaitham persisted, "Stop pretending to be asleep." He poked your side, and your body twitched, now scowling in annoyance and further embarrassment at your ticklishness. He tried a few more times, but you continued to ignore him, trying your best to fall asleep.

Fine then, Alhaitham huffed through his nose. He could deal with you tomorrow morning, after all. So he went back to his bed, lay down, and fell asleep with a smile on his lips. What Alhaitham didn't expect was for you to fully ignore him for the next few days. Upon waking up, he was surprised to hear from your father that you had woken up quite early before he could and managed to silently prepare yourself for school without waking him up. When Alhaitham got to school, he spent his classes all alone in his seat, your assigned chair that was always beside him always empty in every class the two of you shared. You've skipped classes beforehand, but he never thought you'd skip classes you had together. And while you'd often hang out with Kaveh on the rooftop to eat lunch, he was surprised to see Kaveh at their usual table without you, with Kaveh not knowing where you were because he had not seen you for the whole day. It's been like that ever since his verbal confession, with you skipping classes, exchanging seats with other students just to be far away from Alhaitham, and even not going to school at all. It may not show, but he was extremely worried.

It really wasn't your intention to avoid Alhaitham. You genuinely wanted to talk to him after what happened in your little sleepover, but being near Alhaitham would send your heart into a fucking frenzy and you'd be too lightheaded to properly speak to him. For the sake of your own survival, you had to avoid him until you've maintained a clear head around him. You didn't mean to worry him, and you definitely didn't mean to give him the wrong signals. After every school, he'd stop by your house, asking if you were home or if you were okay, and your parents would continuously deny him from entering your home as per your wishes. You kept leaving his messages on read too, the guilt slowly accumulating in your heart until it was about to burst. Messages from Kaveh told you that Alhaitham hasn't notably been doing well, lunches spent worrying about you or studying even more, and bags forming under his eyes as he thought of the possibilities as to why you were avoiding him.

Honestly? It sucked. You don't even remember the reason why you're avoiding him anymore in the first place, but the butterflies that filled up your stomach keep fluttering at the mere thought of Alhaitham, your heart beating so fast you believe you were about to die from a heart attack. Just why were you feeling like this? It was as if you were some lovesick girl that couldn't approach her crush— you dropped the glass of water you were holding in your hand, and the sound of shattering glass was akin to how your view of your entire life has shattered right before your eyes.

Was that it? The reason why your thoughts would race when you see him? The reason why your heart pounds so hard when he sends a smile your way, only for your eyes to see? Why you intrinsically stick by his side when you find him in the midst of a crowd? Why you feel much more relaxed with him than being in a room with a girl who was hinting that she liked you? Is that the reason why your mind has always been infested with the thought of your best friend? That when you go out with others, you'd be thinking wistfully of Alhaitham because he wasn't there with you? The constant longing, the envy you feel when girls stare for far too long, the absolute pride you feel when he wins at international academic contests. You felt goosebumps form on your forearms as you gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. Holy fuck... You were...

"Sweetie?" The sweet, gentle voice of your mother entered the premises of the kitchen with a small gasp escaping her lips when she caught sight of the shattered glass littered across the floor, rushing towards your paling form. "Are you okay? What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost!" She queried worriedly, wiping away the cold sweat that formed on your forehead as you wrapped your arms around your mother, bathing in her loving presence and burying your face onto your shoulder. "Dear me, you're shaking! Just what happened?" Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, you finally found your voice to speak.

"I think... I'm gay..."

Silence...

Then you heard your mother hold back a snort, and your heart broke to a million pieces at this utter betrayal. But she wasn't making fun of you, the hug she was giving you says that much, but she was quite amused that it took you this long to figure it out. Caressing the back of your head with her hand and a tender kiss on your temple, she cooed lovingly as she felt your tears wet her shoulders, reassuring as much as she can that she accepts you wholeheartedly, you were her son after all, nothing could ever change that fact. Just as your breathing was beginning to sync with hers, gradually calming down on your own terms in your mother's arms, she suddenly whispered; "We've known since you were little."

You choked on your spit, startled at her as-a-matter-of-fact tone of voice, pulling away from the hug as you stared at her with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"What do you mean by that!?"

For the first time that week, you finally met Alhaitham outside of school.

You were on your way to the grocery store to buy some ingredients before tonight's dinner, not paying much attention to your surroundings as your head was lost in the clouds. The skies were painted with warm orange, red and yellow hues as the sun began its descent, the moon peeking around the corner for its rise. Kids across the street were beginning to retreat back into their homes, waving their goodbyes and promising to play with each other once again the next day. It made you feel nostalgic, it felt like it was just yesterday when you were as carefree as the children in your neighborhood, playing with friends. Well, if you count running across the grass fields while Alhaitham read a book from afar as 'playing with friends'. A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips, though it was quickly wiped off when a hand suddenly gripped your wrist with such force you thought that they were going to break it. A sense of urgency washed through your body as the peace and tranquility of your walk were ruined by the unexpected perpetrator who grabbed you, but before you could land a punch on their face, you were swift to stop yourself from doing so upon recognizing who it was.

"Alhaitham, what the hell— hey! Let go, man!"

You wriggled in his grasp when he started dragging you away from the direction of the grocery store, lightly hitting his back when his grip only tightened on your wrist, panic rising in your mind. You had no intention of dragging your avoidance on Alhaitham any longer, deciding that you'd come face to face with him once you start attending classes completely to make up for your absences and skipping, but you hadn't anticipated that you'd meet him on your way to buy some ingredients, much less drag you to the park. Eventually, you gave up on trying to escape confrontation with Alhaitham, the guilt that you'd been ignoring for the past week gnawed on your insides as you followed him on the familiar path. You recognized this part of the park, at the edge of the forest where your parents would chastise you for always trying to cross the rickety fence that separates the park and the forest. Being the rowdier child, you'd always try to climb the fence only to be slapped in the face by Alhaitham's small hand. His steps finally came to an end in front of the lone tree that the fence had to swerve around to not chop it down. It was a tree you were fond of, climbing up its branches just to shake off leaves onto Alhaitham since he liked to read under its shade, giggling at his angered yells.

Letting go of your wrist, Alhaitham crossed his arms and turned to face you with a very cold look on his face, a type of expression he has never directed at you before, sending shivers up your spine. You couldn't help but give him a sheepish smile that wavered under his suffocating gaze, rubbing the back of your neck. "Haha... Hey..."

"You have a minute to give sufficient reasons, not excuses, as to why you've been avoiding me for the whole week; so much so that you're willing to risk your academic records for the sake of not coming eye to eye with me," Alhaitham demanded, not asked, of you, his eyes narrowing at your anxious fidgeting. Swallowing the shame that rose up to your throat, you opened your mouth to try and explain yourself, but the only thing you could make out was a small meek noise, before shutting your mouth once more, eyes boring onto the grass that flowed with the wind. A minute has passed and neither of you has said a single word, Alhaitham's stare slowly intensifies with every passing second, and you shrink down on yourself as the impulse to run away, to avoid him again grows more and more tempting. Just as you were about to open your mouth to attempt to speak, Alhaitham let out a long, drawn-out sigh, his expression once filled with seriousness morphing into a much somber one, averting his gaze from you. Caught off guard by the sudden change of mood, the words on the tip of your tongue were blown off by the wind at what he said in a low, gentle tone as he took a step toward you. "I... Apologize if I made you extremely uncomfortable with my confession..."

Darkness was slowly engulfing the skies as the stars began to twinkle down on you, faint chirping of crickets can be heard all around you as fireflies, one by one began lighting up on the spot where you stood. Ah, you remember now. During your childhood, you'd throw rocks at Alhaitham's window, in the dead of night, to sneak him out to the park, to the spot you'd always hang out at the edge of the forest to watch the fireflies light up the night sky, dancing and fluttering around the tree where you shared a lot of memories together. You'd force Alhaitham to catch fireflies with you, and every time he'd begrudgingly agree, you'd be graced with the image of a usual stoic boy turn into a carefree, fun-loving boy that laughed as much as you did, running around to catch more fireflies that you then roll onto the grass as he trips. Your heart clenched at those memories, your eyes now staring deeply into his teal eyes that glinted with indefinite shades of maroon, the sincerity sinking deep into your skin as he continued to speak, the yellow lighting highlighting his pretty face, filled with regret and a forlorn frown etched on his lips. "I just want you to know that you needn't return my affections for you and that I would never force them onto you. After all, I've known you forever and... I would love to keep the friendship we've made..." If it wasn't for fireflies lighting up your darkening surroundings, you wouldn't have seen how his eyes began to glisten, the way his hands lightly trembled as he forced himself to stop it.

"You still have a friend in me that you can depend on." Bowing down his head, his bangs completely covering his eyes, hands both clenched into fists at his sides. "So, please, if you could just forget everything I said and..." Everything after that part became muffled in your eyes, your emotions fluctuating inside your mind. But you know for certain that you weren't about to reject Alhaitham, no, not when your heart thrummed at the thought of his touch, not when the tips of your ears burned at the sight of him after so long. The years you've spent with Alhaitham were only filled with meaningful experiences with one another, and not short of joy. There were times of disagreements, of days where the days were filled with rain as the two of you loathed one another with such intensity, in the end, you would make up and fix what needed to be fixed, learning from past mistakes and understanding each other on a whole different level. You don't spend much time apart, and when you do, both of you long for each other, as if a piece from a puzzle has been torn off, and once that piece was put back to its rightful place, it will cling onto each other for as long as they could, basking with the other's presence and filling the void of loneliness that drilled into your hearts.

Without a doubt, you love Alhaitham, you've always had, and you regrettably only learned only now, letting him go through years of yearning and then heartbreak for your cowardice. So, in the heat of the moment, with the light that's faintly emitting from each firefly that danced around like stars in the night blurring into the background as you took a step forward, inching your faces close to each other until you could feel his breath against your lips. Alhaitham's breath caught in his throat, about to recoil from your proximity, only to be stopped by your hands holding onto his broad shoulders. After a brief moment of hesitance, you closed your eyes and closed the gap between you, your arms slowly wrapped around his neck as you pressed your body against his. He went frigid under your touch, eyes blown wide at the sensation of your lips pressed against his, clearly inexperienced, but eager to express that you had struggled to show him in simple actions and through words. When you were about to retract from the kiss, suddenly becoming insecure at his lack of reciprocation, Alhaitham's hands firmly gripped your hips, tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss that you had initiated, by your own free will, and guided your lips to properly kiss until the fuzziness on your lips traveled all the way up to your head, growing weak on your knees.

Once you've finally parted to breathe some air, you buried your face onto his neck, your lips trembling at how good he was at kissing. Geez, what the hell? You could barely think straight after that. Maybe it was the sudden spike in adrenaline flowing through your veins when Alhaitham had dragged you back into this old spot of your childhood, now came crashing down after the kiss full of bliss as you lean your weight against Alhaitham's body for support, his arms wrapping around your torso. Letting out a shaky breath, you murmured against his skin, "'M sorry for avoiding you... I hadn't meant it— I just grew afraid for no reason when you suddenly confessed, even if I knew you had romantic feelings for me for quite some time..." The grip you had on his clothes tightened as your voice grew more and more silent, barely above a whisper at this point, and yet Alhaitham heard you loud and clear, amidst the loud chirping of crickets and the sounds of leaves swaying along the wind,

"I drowned in so many emotions, I was so overwhelmed just at catching a glimpse of you... Then I realized that, yeah, I'm fucking gay too." He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in, his embrace tightening around you reassuringly, encouraging you to go on. Choking back a sob, you shamefully tried to stop your tears from falling, heart painfully pounding against your chest, "And it fucking upsets me for not realizing that I've loved you from the start, that in my whole life, I thought I was straight when in actuality, I was just oblivious with how I felt towards you... I'm so sorry, Alhaitham..."

Ah, so that's how it is. It wasn't sheer disgust of his feelings for you, nor he had made you extremely uncomfortable. It pains him that he had thought of the worst, jumping to conclusions without further proof to solidify his assumptions on how you felt. He had boasted that he thinks based on rationality and logic only, but when it comes to you? His mind becomes a jumbled mess of emotions, it was as if his heart took full reign of his mind and body. "Please don't apologize, I understand." He whispered softly, his hand caressing the back of your head and playing with the hem of your shirt. He could feel your heart beating against his, body shaking as you held on desperately to his clothes. "I apologize for confessing at such an unpleasant time, for making you go through such a rough actualization of your sexuality..." The rumble of his chest at each word he spoke was enough to reduce your cries into nothingness, sniffling and wiping your tears with your hands.

With a soft grunt, you laid your cheek against his shoulder, completely melting in his arms the both of you got down on the ground, Alhaitham leaning against the tree and you on his lap. "Okay, let's stop apologizing to one another... I think we're even now..." Alhaitham agreed with a nod, keeping you close to him as he watched the fireflies finally disappear into the night, the moon now high above the skies. Pulling your head away from his shoulder, you peered into Alhaitham's eyes, a curious glint in your eyes. "Where did you learn how to kiss like that?" You questioned him, knowing full well that he's never been in a relationship, both due to his personality and adoration towards you. "I read books." His response left you speechless, staring at him with pure disbelief. Alhaitham only raised a brow at you, the corners of his lips curling up into an amused smile. "What? It proved to be effective, right? You were shaking against me after we parted."

Heat blossomed all throughout your face and onto the tips of your ears as you glared daggers at Alhaitham, strongly flustered upon recalling your kiss. True, it did leave you quivering, but he didn't have to rub it in your face! "You fucking nerd..." You grumbled under your breath, slapping a hand on his arm. Stupidly enough, you felt butterflies annoyingly flutter inside your stomach when Alhaitham let out a wholehearted laugh at your reaction, something you haven't heard in ages suddenly emerging out of nowhere. Perhaps it was the influence of the nostalgia of his memorable spot you've revisited after all those years, it was a place where you remember most of his laughs, giggles, and bright smiles.

God, you hated love. It was so sappy and cliche and it makes you impeccably dumb. Ugh. You could feel yourself cringing at the words you were about to say. "Ah but... that was my first kiss, and you can really tell I'm not really good at it..." Alhaitham hummed in acknowledgment, signaling for you to go on. "Could you... teach me how to kiss? Perhaps give me a live demonstration too?" You suggest, your hand cupping his cheek as you adoringly caressed it. A smug smirk stretched his lips as he leaned his face close to yours once more, only inches apart. "Of course, I'll gladly lend my knowledge to such an eager learner."

And with that, Alhaitham pulled you into a slow, passionate, and loving kiss. Two missing pieces finally put together, languidly moving against each other, taking the other deeper to devour more. The faint vibrations of your phone in your pocket were ignored as the minutes went by. You'll apologize to your parents later on, knowing full well that they'd forgive you without a second thought if they knew you were making out with your childhood best friend in your secret spot in the park.

Well, they don't need to know about that part, but you honestly couldn't care less at the moment, too lost in the bliss of finally, through years of obliviousness, being together, as the world intended you to be.

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- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛❛ If you like this a lot, consider reblogging! I'll appreciate it very very much! Don't repost and/or translate my work anywhere. ❜❜ ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

[peachesofteal]

RAAAAAAAAH CHAPTER 13 BRO!!!!!

as always, i read it like a rabid animal, and then reread the prev 4 chapters and then reread this again HAHA

your work ages like fine wine, and i read and treasure every word of it, especially on rereads when i can make myself slow down to really take it all in <3

"He takes it all away. Every time." made me WEEP!!!!! its what she DESERVES!!!! the dependability and the escape into him and simon (simon takes charge obvs, but johnny is just as much an outlet. sweet sweet boy)

i think he also realizes that she's seeing it as escapism and starts to fall away a bit, bc of how he stops her and asks to check in. it makes me curious abt his and simon's early relationship, if he's recognizing the same pattern of behavior and comparing them.

going on with that, when she was showing them her scars, AUUUUUUGH. that hit so hard man. the “No but… they’re hideous.”

“No.” Simon croaks, voice thick. “There isn’t a single part of you that isn’t perfect.”

SIMOOOOOOOON he sees so much of himself in her. its gotta be heartbreaking, knowing she's where he used to be. he gets it fr. i cant imagine two people more suited for her, someone who's been where she is and got out, and the person who's helped get that someone out of that pit. fuck dude. you're so good at this HAHAHA

im not gonna say nothin abt the good girl stuff…. but heehee!

also also "I'm not a little human nurse" made me laugh so hard LMAO pure arizona from grey's. ive been watching it lately (started right before you started posting simple math actually) reading the hospital bits of SM, you do a really good job of capturing the same energy and stakes and work dynamics that you get watching grey's. im honestly still waiting for the other shoe to drop on the stupid attending marshall, there's always something that a shitty attending can mess up down the road lmao

the ending on this chap killed me though. they knew she was flighty, and that she's smart and capable, but its gotta be so hard to get the relief of her coming back after the day out without answering the phone, only to find the papers the next morning. in bunny's defense though, she mentioned in chapters before moving in (i think before graves hurt her?) with them that she had to start looking at outs, and these papers aren't a 2-day turnaround; she probably bought them weeks ago and only now picked them up. i could be wrong though! i think its unfortunate timing, but she also probably just wants the relief knowing that she's got the backup plan accessible. as much as she loves the boys and penny, she's still not used to having the dependability. the safety scares her, or at least gives her the idea of a false sense of security, since she's been on edge for so so long.

i give her big smooch. poor bun. poor boys, and poor penny. manifesting the worst for graves, truly, rot in hell you idiot american

i hope you're feeling better, its lovely to read your works but even better when you're doing well yourself ❤️❤️❤️

I loved reading this! I adore you.

I love how you noticed that Johnny does stop to check in. He has a very firm grip on her mental and emotional state, (it’s not his first rodeo) and he knows just how to bring her back.

The two of them + Bunny is really a dream come true even if she doesn’t realize it yet (they do) and it will take a lot of time and work on everyone’s part.

I think your notes in your last paragraph are pretty spot on, too. Bunny will talk about it more in the next two chapters but- getting a new identity is not a two day turnaround.

Also yeah, I was channeling Arizona with that line 💀 I was hoping someone would catch it!

10/10 I love your breakdowns, no notes, perfection, they always make me smile.

[petersbaby]

HAHAHA I wrote this when I was half asleep PLEASE don’t make fun of it I will scream

Please - sub!billy x reader

Warnings: this is fucking crazy. I don’t know where this came from, but the idea of him being tied to a bed wouldn’t leave my thoughts. Good god. Uh, bondage/restraints, pain play, mommy kink (heavy usage), masochism maybe but not that bad, burning, smut (sex), cum talk (I love talking about cum), honestly it’s pure filth. PURE FILTH

A/N: let me know if this needs any more warnings I’m super tired and might’ve looked over something

-

“I love you like this. I wish the whole town could see this, that you’re not all big and bad. You’re just a pretty little boy who begs for what he wants.”

You look at his body intently, devouring it with your eyes, walking around the bed. Billy was restrained by all four limbs, wrists cuffed to the headboard and ankles tied tightly to the bedposts at the bottom. He doesn’t respond to your attempts to get a reaction out of him, he doesn’t deny it because it’s true.

“Hmm. Don’t wanna talk?”

He shakes his head ‘no’ quickly. He’s somehow already sweating, curls sticking to his face and neck, getting frizzy from the heat he emanated.

“I guess I’ll have to leave you alone, then…” you glance down at the ground, implying you’re going to turn around and abandon him, helpless.

“No, don’t. Please.” He whines, and you come back to his side.

“I know what you want, but you’re gonna have to be good to get it. Okay?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Fire shoots straight down to your core, setting it alight and it spreads rapidly. You almost lose your composure, having to mask how horny that made you, but you keep it together.

“Good boy.” You gently run your fingers across his forehead, pushing back the stray pieces of hair that were stuck to it.

You climb onto the bed, on top of the nude boy, still in all your clothes besides your shorts, which were already gone. Reaching to the side, you grab Billy’s pack of cigarettes and take one into your mouth. You light it, taking in a deep inhale and exhaling the smoke loudly.

“Hold this, baby.” You place it between his fingers, and he holds it, though he’s restrained.

You lean over, starting to do exactly what you wanted to do. You place the very first kiss onto his jawbone, near his earlobe. You’re horribly slow with the amount of progress you make, the ultimate goal to reach his cock.

You didn’t care, you knew he could wait, and you took lots of careful time licking and sucking on the salty, sensitive skin of his neck. Marks form all the way down the side of it, and he groans each time you bite down hard. The sound of his desperation was music to your ears, so you kept on going. You suck on the skin covering his collarbone, working all the way across it to the end.

“Everyone that looks at you is going to know you’re mine, that I own you.” You comment, pulling away and sitting up to admire the work you did with the bites and hickeys. They were already turning a dark purple color, and they were beautiful. You smell smoke and remember the cigarette you had lit, reaching over to take it from his fingers and taking a hit.

“Words, Billy. Hello?” You add.

“Yes- yeah, yeah. You own me, mhm. Can I hit that, please?” His eyes are fixated on the cigarette that sat between your lips.

“Yes, pet, here.”

You place it in his mouth and let him take a hit of it, pulling it away when he took the smoke in. He breathes out through his nose.

“Thank you.” He says softly.

“So polite, I love your manners. Sweet baby.”

You sit and just smoke, taking your leisurely time. You notice in his face that he’s staring at it, and at the cherry red burning end. He didn’t want to say it, but you weren’t a mind-reader, so you assumed he wanted more and brought it to his lips again. He just shakes his head.

“No? What is it, has your color changed?”

“No, no, it’s green.” He rushes out the words to assure you, “just… would you put that out… uh, fuck.” He gets frazzled trying to put it into words. You listen patiently, waiting.

“On me. Please. Burn me.” He finishes quickly.

“Yeah? You sure?”

“Mhm.”

You knew he had kind of a thing for pain, but were hesitant about this. You didn’t want to hurt him, you really didn’t, but he asked you to. Of all the cigarettes you’ve smoked together- it was a habit you shared- he’s never said anything like that.

You hesitate for a moment, but figure he’s done it before to know he wants it. You take one last hit of the cigarette before pressing the tip of it down onto his chest, on his upper pec.

“Ah- shit,” he groans, squeezing his eyes shut. “Fuck.” He breathes.

You discard the cigarette in the ashtray on the bedside table, coming back to look down at the damage, a perfect white circle with a bit of ash speckled around it. You blow the ash away, and place a kiss on top of the burn.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” You reply mindlessly, not noticing the desperation in his face as he stares up at you.

He starts to shift a bit, enough that you can feel it.

“I need-“

“You need to wait.” You interrupt him, shutting him down.

You place kisses all across his torso, starting at his chest and making your way down to his abdomen. You feel his tight muscles constrict even tighter when you kiss over them, his sensitive body tensing up each time.

He’s still shifting, whining quietly every now and then, trying to be good and not buck his hips. You work your way down to his happy trail, a line of blonde hair starting at the bottom of his belly button. Continuing, you get right to where the bush of pubic hair starts to form, and stop there. He starts to whine louder, close to tears.

“Please.”

“Be patient, I’ve still got all my clothes on. That’s not very fair, is it?” You ask, tilting your head as you do.

“N-no.” He shakes his head.

You reach for the bottom hem of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head, discarding it somewhere in the floor. His big, dumb eyes fall down to your chest. You make quick work of getting your bra off too, letting it fall away.

You feel him continue to stare at you, getting up off the bed to remove your panties. Now that you’re off of his lap, you can see how miserable he is. His cock is a darker shade of red, hard as a rock, leaking desperately from the tip and twitching on its own.

“Poor thing. Can’t do anything about that without your hands, huh? Do you need help?”

He nods, swallowing hard. When you finally get back on top of him, your warm, wet pussy makes direct contact with his erection.

“Ahh, oh god, oh my god.” He moans, and you start to rock a bit, grinding on his dick without letting it actually get in. Your slick covers it, the entire shaft, when you spread your pussy lips around it and continue the bringing motion.

The motion stimulated your clit wonderfully, you felt like you could just do this forever. Maybe you didn’t need penetration, this contact was something so good that you could cum from it already. He watches the place where your cunt is rutting against his boner, and can’t take any more.

“Put it in, please, I want to fuck you so bad. What do you want me to do? I’ll do it, I’ll do anything. Just please fucking put it in.”

You come to realize that tears are actively falling from the corners of his eyes. You decide to give in, in that moment, but wanted to push him just a little more, just for your sick enjoyment.

“Hmm. Okay, well, do you know my name?” You ask.

You see some cogs turning in his little head, trying to find the answer.

“Aww, so horny you can’t even remember my name.” You reach to caress his cheek, skin hot.

“It’s mommy.” You bend down to whisper in his ear.

“Please, mommy, please. Mommy, mommy, mommy. I need you, mommy, please,” he starts to ramble, and you give a satisfied smile.

You line it up and sink down onto him with no warning, and he cries out loud. Almost like a sob, it filled the air in the room. You sat all the way down on his cock and stayed that way for a moment, getting used to it. Soon, you start to move, riding his cock slowly.

“Oh, my god, mommy, thank you, fuck, it’s sososososo good-“ he rambles again, saying words just to say them. He can’t be quiet, moans loud and resonating, babbling incoherently, crying and mewling.

“Stop crying, I’ve got you, baby.”

You lean back down to kiss the tears off of his face.

“Okay, okay, I’ll try.”

“I’m taking care of you. Aren’t I taking good care of you, hmm?”

“Yes, mommy’s taking such good care of me.”

“There you go, good boy.”

You increase your speed, now bouncing up and down on his cock. He watched your tits bounce with each movement, enamored. He wishes so bad that he could touch them, that he could touch any of you. Literally anything, he just wanted to feel your skin beneath his fingers.

You start to let out moans that mix harmoniously with his, riding him at just the right speed for you. The sight below you was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, your boy sweaty with wide eyes and blown out pupils, mouth hanging open and panting like a dog.

All the while covered in bruises and bite marks that you made.

For the first time tonight, you leaned down and kissed him. You finally let him kiss you, and he was over the moon. The feeling was electric, his lips on yours, and you try your best to actually kiss but end up just moaning into each other’s mouths. Having to pull away, you ride him like your life depended on it, and it felt like it did.

“Mmh, god, I’m so close.” You try to say but the words are all slurred together, and you keep your perfect pace until you’re clamping down on his cock and orgasming hard, letting it wash over your entire body and take over your senses.

You keep on riding, using him, his dick hitting your g-spot over and over again. It was almost too much, overkill, but not enough to stop. You couldn’t stop, so you didn’t. You continued bouncing your ass up and down on his cock, relishing in the feeling you get when he’s filling you up.

You hardly noticed the words being spoken. When you tune back in, it’s him just begging and begging you to give him permission.

“M-mommy I can’t, please.” He whines, unable to keep it in.

“Oh, go ahead, pretty boy. Fill me up, keep going til nothing’s left.”

You didn’t have to tell him twice, and you feel him twitch inside of you before spilling. You start to slow down your pace, still continuing your movements until he started to shake and then you got off.

You immediately start spilling all over the bed below you, his hot cum leaking out. You’ll wash the sheets, just not now. You were just taking in the moment, silently appreciating it.

“Shit.” You remark, trying to get yourself together. Once you have, at least a little bit, you quickly tug on your panties and throw one of his big t-shirts on. You go to the foot of the bed first to untie his ankles, knowing that the knots you did were tight and possibly cutting off circulation.

He let out a sigh of relief at his freedom, then you grabbed a tiny key from the bedside table drawer. You move quickly to unlock the cuffs, one at a time until he’s soon completely unrestrained.

“Are you okay? What do you need?” You check in. You were tired, but not too tired to make sure he’s taken care of.

“I’m okay. Pants, please, and water.”

“Okay.”

You go to retrieve a pair of sweatpants and toss them over, then head to the kitchen and grab him a cold bottle of water. When you come back, he has a cigarette lit and is smoking it happily. You hand him the water and sit down next to where he lay.

You watch as he sort of returns to his normal self, and you wonder if he’s as exhausted as he is.

“What about you?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

You smile. “Yes.” And you snatch the cigarette out of his hand, stealing it.

It makes you look down at his chest, and you wonder out loud, “does that really turn you on?” as you trace the skin around the burn with you fingertips delicately.

“I dunno,” he shrugs, “just feels good.”

“Well that’s something we’ll not do very often, sometimes, if you want, but not often. Can’t have scars all over this perfect body.” You compliment as your fingers wander and caress his bare torso.

He blushes, only slightly, smiling. “Stop it.”

“What? It is. I know it and you know it too.”

“That’s all you. You’re perfect.”

[adriancatrin]

Best Zukka fic recs and/or Azula centric fics (bonus points for both!) I'm desperate for more content.

(digging thru my bookmarks) hoo boy ok let's see

i'm gonna put a cut because this might be long!! idk what all of the zukka 'classics' you've read so i just included 'em if they're my faves. list is in no particular order, pls heed warnings/tags on AO3 as some include potentially triggering content ~

like the sun inside of you by ofherlionheart: Zuko is sixteen years old when he’s handed a crown, a throne, and a hundred-year ancestral legacy of colonial imperialism. He’s not scared of the work; he’s scared of being consumed by the responsibilities and burdens he’s claimed. What Zuko doesn’t quite realize, yet, is that he’s not alone in this. Still in progress, one chapter left to go. Very slow-burn Zukka, and some great Azula stuff

To Cleave These Roots We've Made by Erisenyo: Sokka and Zuko have been roommates and best friends through college and graduation, through first jobs and new jobs and promotions, through friends getting married and sisters being pregnant and everything in between. But that all ends in four days. Four days to pack up an apartment. Four days before Zuko goes to law school and Sokka stays behind. Four days to untangle two lives that Sokka and Zuko have spent ten years weaving together. Can you call it a divorce, if you were never actually together in the first place? I don't remember Azula's involvement in this, but gosh darn it's a good one

i won't stumble as i follow down this path (cause words that are spoken are just other things to have) by jublis: It takes Zuko one year to visit his sister again. Featuring birthday weeks, struggling with your own goodness, and a future. Pretty sure this is a Zukki, ft. Azula very heavily

Destiny in the details by salytierra: Sokka heard that story before. Of course he did, the turning point of Zuko's destiny, the single bravest and most noble (or stupid) thing he's ever done. He retold the thoughts that went through his head back then, the repercussions... but he left out a single detail. And it's that detail that changes everything.  I need to see his soulmark. Sokka thinks, heart hammering in his chest. Fantastic post-canon soulmate AU. Azula's not in it, though

Divine Intervention by AggressiveStress: Sokka has had a lot of dates but they never stick around and he doesn’t know why. Literally everyone else knows why. Honestly I don't remember much about this one I just know I really liked it hahaha

Maybe I Don't Want Heaven by inkfingers_mcgee: Zuko does not realize that he wants to break up with Mai until she says, “We need to talk about us,” with an unmistakable finality, and the candles around his meditation mat don’t even flicker. // Five years after ascending the throne, Zuko reaches yet another crossroads of self. Sokka helps him through it. Mai incites national legislative reform. Azula is listed as a character in this one but I don't remember her role. The fic is great though. slow burn in case u haven't caught onto the trend of my fave fics yet haha

Of Tea and Turtle Ducks (and the Turtle Duck Guy) by Erisenyo: Sokka is nothing if not enthusiastic about his interests--Learning. Campus traditions. The campus turtle ducks. The guy who's watching the ducks so intently this year.  Zuko is nothing if not intense about duck watching. (It's not really about the ducks.) (Is it ever?) No Azula again but gosh darn it this fic is so cute. (expect more erisenyo on this list whoops)

this ultraviolet morning light by GallifreyanFairytale: sokka and zuko break up, make up, go undercover, thwart a rebellion, watch the sunrise, and change the course of fire nation history. not necessarily in that order. I don't remember the level of Azula's involvement in this fic, but I do remember she's in recovery and Zuko thinks about her a fair amount.

Empty Bodies, Empty Smiles by attackfish: Zuko sorts through the wreckage of his childhood and comes across a doll given to his sister. Not a shipping fic, just a character study of sorts of Azula as a child. It's... very sad, but incredibly nuanced in its understanding of her as a very unhappy and unfortunately disturbed child

Will We Last the Night by CSHfic/VSfic: Chief Arnook never assigns Sokka to protect Princess Yue, so he goes to fight the Fire Nation with the other men. When the moon dies, and the ocean spirit takes its revenge, Sokka is caught standing on the deck of a Fire Nation ship. Sokka should have drowned… and he would have drowned, if not for a certain Fire Nation raft fleeing the North Pole. An enemies-to-lovers season 2 rewrite, where Sokka is separated from the gaang during the Siege of the North, and travels the Earth Kingdom with Zuko instead Azula is just S2 Azula w/o redemption I believe, but my goodness the Zukka is just so. SO sweet

Burning Bright by Erisenyo: On a particularly hopeless night, Zuko sends out a messenger hawk to nowhere. He didn’t realize that his messenger hawk is deeply committed to completing the job. And that Sokka happens to be traveling straight through nowhere, at the time. I'm currently rereading this series for the umpteenth time, it's amazing, highly recommend, Azula is hyper intriguing in it too w/ a very complicated relationship with Zuko

All's Fair by Lovely_Elbow_Leech: Book one ends with two major diffrences: 1. Sokka went on the mission with Hahn (it did not go well) 2. Zhao survives the North Pole and that proves unfortunate for everybody (except Zhao, obviously)  Imprisoned on Zhao’s war ship, Sokka and Zuko have to work together to survive. They are not very enthusiastic about this prospect.  And they argue. A lot. Another of my top faves. Book 2 is in progress

Real Slow by surveycorpsjean: “I see.” Zuko closes the scroll. “Is the Water Tribe sending a replacement?" “Uh yeah,” Sokka gestures to himself dramatically. “You’re looking at him.” No Azula I believe but heckin' slow burn

this is a gift (it comes with a price) by WitchofEndor: There is a ghost on the Wani. But the crew have grown used to - even fond of - Prince Zuko. And no matter how many times General Iroh tries to gently explain the boy’s predicament, tries to suggest that he might attempt to move on, Prince Zuko can always be found watching the sea. There is a prisoner in the palace. Not Zukka, but the relationships in it are fantastic, including Azula and Zuko.

 While Mighty Oaks Do Fall by WitchofEndor: The newly-crowned Fire Lord Ozai offers his firstborn son to service in the temple. This turns out to be a catastrophic mistake. Wacky crazy fic. There's something funky fresh happening with Azula, but it's an in-progress fic so. who knows where it'll go

I probably don't need to include The Art of Burning but it's in my fave bookmarks so. Same for Blue

Also in retrospect I have a lot of issues with this fic, but here's my post-canon Zukka w/ Azula redemption fic: New Heights

[wolfxplush]

What do you think Max's roaming quotes would be? You know, the silly stuff he would say while just walking around.

SO GLAD YOU ASKED! Max is a yapper so some of these are long. I make him as punch able as possible lmao here you go!! (Template belongs to @/calciumdeficientt )

HIT- STINKBOMB

“Are you serious I just did laundry! ”

**HIT- EGG**

“Egh! It smells like the gym coach!

**INSULT**

" I could buy your entire life and still have enough left over for a new yacht!"

**INSULT- JOCKS**

"You really think muscles make you tough? All that lifting, and you’re still too slow to catch up to my bank account. Keep flexing; I’ll be counting my millions while you’re still counting reps."

** INSULT- GREASERS**

"Nice jacket, did you save up all your lunch money for that? While you're busy slicking back that hair, I'm busy buying out the places you pretend to be tough in."

** INSULT-PREPS**

He likes his friends

** INSULT- NERDS**

"All those books and you still can’t figure out how to dress yourself? Keep burying your nose in your equations—meanwhile, I’m out here solving the problem of how to spend my fortune."

**INSULT- BULLIES**

"Wow, you must feel so big pushing people around. Too bad you can't intimidate a bank account into growing..”

**NEGOTIATING**

"Listen, I'm not really into getting my hands dirty—I'd rather just pay you to walk away. Name your price, and let's both leave this with our faces intact."

**SWIRLY**

“MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!”

**FRIENDLY FIRE**

“Do I need to pay for you to get your eyes checked?!”

**FIRE ALARM**

“HAHAHA! YESS!! BURN IT ALL DOWN!”

**TATTLING**

“OoOOO~ your in troubleeee!””

**WRONG WAY**

“Too bad so sad!”

**FOOD FIGHT**

“NO! Watch the braces!”

**GREETINGS**

“Good evening~” “Bow to your king!”

**GOODBYES**

“Places to destroy, people to rule! Catch you later!” ” ”Would stay longer but..I don’t want to!”

“You’re boring to me now, goodbye!”

**COMPLIMENTS- CLOTHING**

“Well don’t you look nice! For once..””

**COMPLIMENTS- HAIR**

“It looks like mine! You’re welcome!”

**COMPLIMENTS- TATTOOS**

“Didn’t that..hurt? Haha..”

**INSULTS-CLOTHING**

“A rat could pull that off better!”

**INSULTS- HAIR**

“ Change that or I light it on fire!”

**INSULTS- TATTOOS**

“It looks like the ink blots they showed me in the hospital ”

**CHASING**

“"Run all you want—I'm just getting started! The faster you go, the more fun I’ll have catching you and showing off my skills." “I hope Gary is watching…”

**OUT OF BREATH**

“Huh? Out ..of breath..? No..just..*cough* giving you a head start..”

**HIT**

*Girly scream* “YOULL PAY FOR THAT TEN FOLD.”

**KNOCKOUT**

“Why do I see stars…?”

“Daddy..help..”

**LOW BLOW**

“OW! My family jewels.”

**SPITTING**

“You have saliva issues too?”

**RATS**

“Edna has more whiskers than you…”

**IDLE DIALOGUE/ CONVERSATIONS**

“"Gary is absolutely brilliant! The way he’s taking over the school is just legendary. His ambition and charisma are off the charts—I’m completely in awe of him. He’s like a mastermind in action, and I’m thrilled to see what he’ll do next!”

“"Honestly, it’s incredible how effortlessly I can manage everything. While others are struggling, I’m just cruising through life. It’s like I’ve got this magical ability to turn every challenge into an opportunity. Sometimes I almost feel guilty for how easy it all seems."

“"People often ask how I stay so relaxed. Honestly, it’s all about perspective. While most are caught up in the daily grind, I’m just here enjoying the perks of a life well-managed. It’s amazing how a bit of fortune and a lot of confidence can make everything seem so effortless."

**BUMPED- PREP**

Friends

** BUMPED- GREASER**

"Watch where you’re going! I’d hate to have to clean up the mess if you get grease on my designer threads."

**BUMPED- NERD**

"Careful there! If you’re going to bump into someone, at least make sure it’s not someone who could get you a better grade in social skills."

**BUMPED- BULLY**

"Nice move, tough guy. But if you’re going to try and push people around, at least make sure you don’t end up bumping into someone who can actually make your life a lot harder."

** BUMPED- JOCK**

"Hey, watch it! I’ve got enough to deal with from my opponents without you adding to the mix. Try not to trip over your own ego next time."

**BUMPED- TOWNIE**

"Careful there, you might want to watch where you’re going. It’s not every day you bump into someone who’s actually got somewhere important to be."

**GROOMING/MIRROR**

"Every time I look in the mirror, it’s like seeing perfection on display. It’s almost too easy to keep this level of excellence. But hey, someone’s gotta set the standard."

**FREAK SHOW/CARNIVAL**

“I do believe Russell would look amazing in one of these cages!”

**WATCHING FIGHT**

"Now this is entertainment. Watching all this chaos unfold is almost as thrilling as making the deals that keep my life so smooth. I could get used to this kind of show."

**INSULT- GRAFFITI**

“"Seriously? This is what you call art? It’s nothing more than a pathetic attempt to leave a mark where no one cares to look. Try again when you’ve got something worth seeing.!”

**WHINE**

"Seriously, this headgear is such a hassle. It’s either too tight or too loose, and it’s constantly messing up my hair. I thought being rich would mean never having to deal with this kind of inconvenience."

**COMPLAINTS**

“I could fill up a pool with how much this stupid headgear makes me drool!

**PAYBACK**

“How’s that for a daddy’s boy?!”

**ERRAND**

“Give Gary this please!~”

[spidey-bie]

I'm splitting this up into sections because there's a lot to go into here. Also y'all know about Ansi enough so I'm getting straight into the relationship. Not proof read if there's errors then no there isn't. Thank you to @the-cat-and-the-birdie for the questions.

Hobie & Ansi

–Part 1

Describe their relationship in 10 words or less.

Idiots who care for one another more than they think.

Describe their dynamic

There are layers to this. At first glance they give off power couple. When they're on site but not in a mission they're chaotic gremlins. But, when they're by themselves they're just two people who are so tired of living. Yet they're both gonna fight. It's gonna suck but they're both gonna keep going until things get better.

Quick! Someone asks 'What are you two? Are you dating?' - What do they say?

"Mind your business."

They will never explain a thing to anybody who they aren't close with if asked.

What's they're favorite way to spend time together?

Reading. They both love to just sit and read together. They'll read aloud to each other.

Hobie adores Ansi's reading voice. The way he changes his pitch for each character.

Her cheerful tone that she can somehow keep throughout the entire story. The way you can tell when a character is about to do something embarrassing because his nose just flared.

Ansi reads mostly sci-fi and fantasy because to him reading is an escapism.

Ansi enjoys Hobie's reading for many reasons (aside from the fact that his voice is so easy in the ears).

His deep and calming voice. The way he tries to hide or exaggerate his accent as he reads. The way he'll pause and take a long drawn out breath when he gets mad before he continues.

His smooth and steady pace is really relaxing. Ansi is fighting fight sleep every time. Hobie reads mostly memoirs or auto/biographies of important black political figures. For him reading is a means to gain knowledge and understanding about the world.

Are they romantic, platonic, sexual? A secret fourth thing?

Trying to narrow it down under any one thing is honestly offensive. They're just so loyally devoted to one another that the lines blur. Ansi will never trust anyone as much as he trusts Hobie and vice versa.

How long have they known each other?

2 years. (Hahaha so apparently they've known each other for 5 non-consecutive years.)

What song embodies their vibe?

It took so long to find a song that didn't use the word love in it. That was genuinely my only rule.

I Will by Mitski

I wanted a song that expressed the devotion that they hold for one another as well as their ability to be vulnerable with each other. To me this song is like them shouting "JUST LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU," back and forth.

Two Slow Dancers by Mitski

The main theme of this song is nostalgia. And I've found that the two of them share more history than what I previously thought. They both wish they could turn back time. It'd be nice to go back to when life was simpler but they both know that they have to keep moving forward.

(I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys was in the running too. )

Any nicknames for each other?

Hobie calls Ansi his/a Trickster and Ann

(like Anansi the trickster spider)

Ansi has tons of nicknames for Hobie.

So far she's got: Busy Bee, Bean, Paper Boy, Bie, Hobbs, and Princess if he's getting on his nerves.

What does a sleepover look like for them?

On a good night it's the two of them infodumping back and forth to one another. Or Hobie bouncing lyrics ideas off for Ansi to sing. Boring bland stuff because it's nighttime and Ansi has a sleep schedule that he likes to stick to.

On a bad night they're both lying in Ansi's full size bed drunk or high, spilling their hearts out to one another until either the sun rises or they both pass out. Sometimes they're just lying on the couch, Hobie in Ansi's arms silently sobbing.

What moment do they feel safest with each other?

Idk if this question is referring to a specific time in the day or a moment in their shared history so I'll say something for the first one.

Crime never sleeps and I don't think the two of them do either. I'd like to say nighttime but we all know nobody is getting any peace and quiet in the streets of Seattle or London at nighttime. So probably around dusk. Right before nightfall. Or at dawn when the sun is just starting to rise.

For some of these answers I just blacked out and it felt like they were speaking through me like dang. Y'all good????

Next | Third | Fourth | Fifth

[coldresolve]

Your post made me think, you said abuse is “slow burn” and torture is “explosion” but what about cases of months or even years of torture? What would that be classified as? Because it’s not the interrogation type.

Wouldnt there be a point where the person is so damaged mentally and physically from the repeated pain and psychological torment that they just give up entirely? If they see absolutely no end? Like they dont interrogate him but just hurt him, out of a vendetta or something like that.

Im asking because a lot of stories i see here on tumblr are not about interrogation but mostly like a… “passion” kinda thing? And although i personally dont really like this whole “pet whump” concent (even writing it down it looks dumb), keeping someone locked for years and conditioning him with torture could possibly grind down a person’s will to basically nothing. It’s my personal opinion and just thinking about it, i feel like it would happen to me if i was in that situation. Like not torture once or twice but for months or years (given the fact that he stays alive of course)

What are your thoughts on that? (And again not pet whump i know what you think of that and honestly, same hahaha)

it would be classified as torture. i'd see it as a very intense long-time burn with a bunch of explosions along the way, i guess, if we're sticking to that metaphor.

fair warning, heavy subject matter: i'm going to talk about a historical case of long-term imprisonment and torture, including some stuff about suicide, sexual assault and executions. im trying not to get too graphic in my descriptions to not sensationalize it, but these were real events and i don't want to take away from how horrific it was, so. idk i guess im still figuring out how to balance those two things.

in 1941, the allies started engaging in conflict with the japanese imperial army throughout the pacific, which, among other conflicts japan had going at the time, resulted in the capture of prisoners of war, especially from 1942-1945. these POWs were held in camps mostly located on japanese soil or in the philipines, but they shifted around quite a bit as the war progressed and the japanese war machine got more organized, so throughout the months or sometimes years of their imprisonment, POWs were constantly moved from camp to camp, with no warning or explanation.

the japanese imperial forces famously viewed surrender as beneath contempt. you can imagine how that belief influenced their treatment of POWs.

you'll read accounts from the survivors of these camps about how POWs were fed rice soup infested with enough worms to move on its own, usually as the only meal they recieved in a day. the kinda shit you're happy to eat because you're starving to death. this wasn't the result of a food shortage, either. it was deliberate, because someone who is starving is less capable of fighting back. as a result, a lot of POWs and political prisoners in japan died of starvation. or, alternatively, disease or infection as a result of sleeping in tight quarters in rooms infested with bugs and vermin, or not having access to clean drinking water. sanitation was nonexistent.

rape of POWs was common. beatings, stimulated drownings, stress positions and other forms of torture, either as an "interrogation" method, punishment, or just for the hell of it in a lot of cases, were common, and often resulted in death. executions were common. the remains of the deceased were often mutilated.

and there's this thing about the cycle of violence...

This added to the rising tide of hatred and racial discrimination of the Japanese people on the home front. Due to the assumed military threat and the inability to verify at this time, 110,000-120,000 Japanese Americans were interned in the western United States. While torture was expressly forbidden by the US government, loss of property and dignity changed the lives of many US citizens of Japanese descent. (x)

but i digress.

when you read about the japanese POW camps, or the concentration camps used throughout the holocaust, or the forced labor camps of the USSR, or any other account of long-term torture, survivors often talk a lot about the fact that the human ability to adapt to extreme conditions like these is staggering. defiance is the norm with torture, and it comes in the face of being treated like someone who is less than human, in every aspect of life. escape attempts, attacking the guards, obstructing forced labor, sabotage, sneaking aid to other prisoners in need, stealing food or other necessities, and the list goes on and on and on. all of these things, at least to me, speaks to a belief in life, in the face of the most morbid fucking conditions you could imagine. human beings are really, really resilient, that's the thing.

and they'll also describe how some people just "gave up". some committed suicide. some just deteriorated rapidly, physically, once they'd lost the hope and will to survive. some collapsed doing physical labor and just layed there waiting to get shot in the head. that happens, too, and erasing that part of reality isn't fair. i don't think anyone has the right to think any worse of these people, or to consider them "weak". despite me being passionate about suicide prevention, i think the decision to die in extreme circumstances like this is understandable, and it's not something i would ever consider a moral or personal failure. this is not a question of being "conditioned". its the conscious decision, sometimes as an act of defiance in and of itself, to avoid being subjected to more torture.

torture destroys. it cannot create anything. and there is no such thing as controlling how it will affect someone. if you're aiming for "conditioning" or "brainwashing" - you can try to break someone down, and if you're successful in making them give up on life, which there's a good chance you won't be, even after years - you're not gonna be able to "replace" that hopelessness with something else. they're not gonna do what you want them to do, or believe what you want them to believe. why would they? they've given up. congratulations, that's the literal only thing you've achieved. and you can enjoy that achievement for as long as it takes them to kill themselves or deteriorate and die.

the effects that torture has on victims vary greatly from person to person, that it's not something torturers can predict, or "direct", or otherwise have any control over whatsoever. it's not just that the list of neurocognitive changes and mental/physical health issues that can be caused by torture is diverse. victims of torture vary in how they conceptualize their trauma, and the people who caused it. they deal with moral injury in different ways. they come to different conclusions about it. and no wonder - fitting something like torture into your view of humanity in general isn't particularly straightforward. a common trend is that torture survivors generally don't tend to speak very positively about their torturers. they might reach a point of understanding, or even forgiveness, after years of processing what was done to them. but this isn't exactly the same as excusing it, yknow. it's part of them healing from their trauma.

if you're interesting on reading about more long-term imprisonment and torture like this, there's a plethora of books out there. unbroken by laura hillenbrand is a biography of louis zamperini, and it specifically deals with the japanese POW camps and the historical context that surrounded them. the gulag archipelago by aleksandr solzhienitsyn talks a lot about the political and philosophical ideas that go into the use of torture and labor camps. a book i think you'd find especially valuable here is man's search for meaning by viktor frankl. he was a jewish psychiatrist and a holocaust survivor. he goes into the psychology both of those who "give up" and those whose hope perserveres. it's a pretty harrowing read, but it's one of those books that can genuinely change your philosophy on life in a pretty deep way.

to answer your question, yes, some people do "give up", for lack of a better way to put it. that happens. suicidal ideation can happen as the result of torture. but it is also not as simple as "it makes you give up eventually", because even disregarding the people who went on to survive and tell their stories - most of the POW deaths i've mentioned in this post did not happen as a result of them "giving up" - they died of starvation, or disease, or torture, or they were executed. people who were just as defiant as the ones who ended up surviving, who still had the will and the want to survive, and who held on to that hope until their last breath. humans are tough. unbelievably tough.

i think it's also important to talk about the whole concept of being "broken" here, because it's a thing that comes up with discussions of people "giving up" because of torture. but this post is long, and you can probably imagine why i don't think it's a good idea to describe human beings as "broken", so.

in conclusion,

take a guess at how i view the ideas that underline the "pet whump" genre. lol just a take wild shot in the dark

[partyfears]

6, 7, 20 for FT ask game

6. What is your favourite parallel/reference in the show?

I mean if we’re going for the obvious it has to be “promise you won’t write” doesn’t it? Who didn’t sob like a baby at that?

I have so many that I love though. Parallels are something that this show does so well, particularly due to the a-chronological structure of the plot. I’m just going to list all my favourites below because I’ve tried and I can’t narrow it down lol

Tim gazing longingly at the couples slow dancing together at Mary’s apt in episode 2 vs Tim slow dancing with Hawk in episode 8, totally blissed out, almost like he can’t quite believe that he finally has what he’s been yearning for for so long.

Tim looking at baby Jackson in ‘57 absolutely devastated, heartbroken, gutted to the core… and then Tim watching 11 year old Jackson sleeping in ‘68, at peace with the whole situation. It shows such wonderful cathartic character growth.

Hawk’s “you know me” in episode 1 vs Tim’s “I have you” in episode 7 - such a subtle yet genius way to show how the power between the two has shifted seismically. Tim has gone from desperately seeking out and willingly taking anything that Hawk will give him - happy to accept breadcrumbs of affection - to being safe and at peace in the knowledge that he no longer needs anything from Hawk. He has his love, and is content to love him from afar.

Tim outside the bathroom door asking to come in when Hawk is sick in episode 7 vs Hawk not hesitating to come to Tim’s aid in the bathroom in episode 3, even when Tim screams at him to get out. Such a literal depiction of how they each approach the relationship - Tim wanting to help, but respecting Hawk’s boundaries and understanding the need for distance, vs Hawk never being able to stay away, regardless of whether it’s what Tim wants or not. He’s always driven by his love - everything else melts away in the face of it.

Lucy saying to her dad “we’re all going to be fine” vs Hawk saying to Jackson “we’re all going to be fine” - the FORESHADOWING

And then just a couple of cute ones:

Hawk tricking Tim with the tie in episode 4 vs Hawk tricking Tim on the beach - both so that he can grab him and scoop him up into his arms. So fucking cute 😭

“You haven’t called in three weeks.” “Four!” vs “So, how long has it been since you two have seen each other?” “A few years” “Eleven”. The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same 😭

7. A crack question: which food represents every character of Fellow Travelers?

How do I even answer this hahaha

Erm okay, so Tim is milk obviously.

Hawk is a steak - expensive, coveted, when handled badly can have a tough exterior, and is a bloody mess on the inside.

Frankie is a cocktail, fun and fruity and spicy and comes in an array of colours, flavours, etc.

Marcus is a hard one… I honestly don’t know. I’m stumped. If I think of something I’ll leave it in the comments.

Lucy is something dignified, a nice sit down meal, like a Sunday roast or something. Comforting, in keeping with tradition, a way to get the family together.

20. If Fellow Travelers had a spin-off or a continuation, what would you like it to be about?

I’d love to see more of Frankie and Marcus and Jerome, and how the fight for AIDS funding progressed over the subsequent years. The protest at the gala was very reminiscent of ACT UP, which wasn’t officially formed until 1987, so I’d love to see how that unfolded and how involved Frankie and Marcus were. While it was formed in NYC, ACT UP had divisions all over the US, including DC and San Fran - I’m sure Frankie would’ve been at the helm of the San Fran chapter. Would Hawk have gotten involved in DC? And to what extent? Would he have tried to push things in the right direction from behind the scenes?

Of course we’d also get to see how Hawk’s relationship with Kimberly develops, how he navigates his grief for Tim, potential flashbacks to moments with Tim that we haven’t seen before…

Yeah I really want this now. Ron hit me up lol

[iliketoreadstuf]

How do you start writing a fic?

ok this is a very loaded question but i’ll try my best hahaha.

you need an idea to start, whether it’s just one scene you specifically want to write, or a fully-fledged plot that came to you in a dream (this has happened to me a lot haha), you need a central idea to keep you going so you don’t get stuck.

this is where a lot of writers vary. i personally like to jump right in and write as much as i possibly can without an outline (because outlines usually slow me down and make me overthink) but i know a lot of writers absolutely swear by outlines. it really depends on the person. i fly by the seat of my pants and just write until i physically have to take a break hahaha.

it’s important to figure out who/what you want to write about. do you want to focus on one character specifically? is it multiple POVs? how are your characters growing from the start of the fic to the finish?

i also think reading helps. i read a lot more than i write, which always helps me if i ever get stuck/uninspired.

honestly, though. my biggest piece of advice is: don’t try to write what you think people want to read, write what YOU want to read. if you don’t find yourself rereading your own writing because you enjoy it, try again. i started out writing what i thought people wanted, but it wasn’t something i personally wanted to read. now i only write if it’s something that i enjoy reading.

and MOST importantly: HAVE FUN. writing is my stress reliever and my favorite hobby. if you find yourself dreading the writing process (which i also do bc writing is a bitch), take a break until you’re excited about it again.

thanks for your ask!! lmk if that was helpful at all hahaha i am in NO WAY a professional writer, i just do it for funsies.

[toburnup]

Okay bestie for the dvd commentary ask- the latest chapter of IYLO!!

"Hm." Steve tilts his head, examines the side of Tommy's face. It's so dark inside the car that he can barely see him, and Tommy looks nervous. Maybe because it's just them.

"Why're you so scared, man?" Steve says softly, watches Tommy swallow in his seat. "You're the one that brought us here."

"Wasn't my idea."

The silence stretches. Steve approaches the line once more. He forgot what it was like to be around someone who can't hurt him, thinks he could squash Tommy if he really wanted to. If he was still that kind of person.

"It's not like Carol ever cared."

"Not about that, no." Tommy says, and Steve slides in. Drunk. He only feels it when he nearly rests his chin on Tommy's shoulder, body warm, the imprint of Meghan's fingers against his chest.

"She thought it was funny when we kissed that time." And the times after that.

Honestly I’m not a great Reader like it takes me a little while to get shit so it took me a while to pick up on HOW much IYLO (ie like… all of it) is Steve working though heavily ingrained homophobia or just accepting the reality of his sexuality and then I went back to reread bc the first time round I was like “oh it’s just friends to lovers” but no there’s like a lot that you bake in to every scene and subtlety I LOVE but that’s all just me fangirling ANYWAY I would love to hear all about your personal thoughts for the implied stommy and fucking around they did and the impact you think it has/had on their (including Carol’s) dynamic, the full extent of what their situation was (if it’s not like.. spoilers for future scenes!) and Tommy’s whole deal in it as well! It’s like 6 am idk if I’m making sense hahaha neway LOVE u love the chapter every email I get telling me you’ve updated is like Christmas!! 💋

ooooh so you're almost having your own slow-burn with IYLO <3 i love it. i'm trying to write it in such a way that it will be a fun one to reread!

and yesss, the stommy of it all. you're not the only person with this question!! i got a comment with a line like 'what the hell is the nature of tommy/carol/steve's relationship' and like. yes. i have not made it clear in the slightest. which is part of the fun, because now we get to talk about all the things lurking beneath the surface!!

it's not a spoiler for things later on, because i think tommy has served his purpose (? i feel mean) in steve's narrative at this point.

iylo meta below the cut. apologies in advance for how messy this is, i'm just writing stream of consciousness:

i've written tommy as bisexual and carol as straight. and as for the dynamic, if they were older and they weren't all toxic about it, i think they would be able to hook up but only in specific situations.

getting ahead of myself. in terms of background, this is what i'm thinking - in high school, the dynamic is tommy attempting to remain close to steve as steve starts breaking free of their familiar mold. steve is clinging to his identity as someone with social power (but in the context of high school politics). and the high school aspect is important because they are young when this is all going down. it's confusing, not clearly defined, and so i don't think they have a cut and dry answer for what their friendship looks like behind closed doors.

steve and tommy were childhood besties, and then in early HS years, tommy gets a gf, starts spending all his time with her. it makes sense that steve ends up tagging along, perhaps bringing whatever girl he's dating. or not. maybe it's just him.

tommy and carol have one of many arguments, and then steve and carol end up drunkenly making out. steve tells tommy later, but surprise surprise, tommy doesn't really care. and carol calls steve a pussy to his face for telling him. it's weird.

steve realizes he's being used (by carol). so. he does what he does best. coaxes tommy into a kiss when it's just the two of them, waits for tommy to bring that back to carol. steve never gets confirmation that he does tell her - carol doesn't let that slip for a long time - but it's something that keeps on happening.

so....... i suppose i have written stommy as being a side effect of a steve and carol power play. but carol is much more invested in maintaining it than steve is (like how she makes out with tommy after having him drive them to ~lookout point~). and that bothers her. because at the end of the day, it's steve who was calling the shots with the three of them. and now he doesn't even care enough to keep doing it.

carol was PISSED at steve prior to chapter 7 (hence the chilly exchange at his birthday party). the double date is a continuation of carol's own mission lol. she tells tommy to call steve up and go on a double date, she picks out the girl. but the flaw here is that steve isn't as 'tuned in' as he was before and doesn't even see that for what it is, and so carol has to throw it in his face. and that's also the big reason steve doesn't have any intention of sleeping with meghan - she's pretty much a pawn in carol's game, and steve fucking her would pretty much be carol fucking steve (sorry meg).

so, yes. i think that's the biggest conflict between carol and steve. carol doesn't give a shit that steve and tommy have this Thing between them, but she hates that tommy listens to steve.

steve and tommy have the foundation of an actual friendship, pre-carol. carol and steve do not have that same foundation. so even though steve is was in control, without tommy, they have nothing.

isn't writing fun?

[fanfiction dvd commentary ask game]

[suugrbunz]

Hi!! I’d like to request a mota ship, please :)

I’m an anthropology and linguistics double major, minoring in history and French (it’s a lot, I know). Hoping to go to grad school and eventually get my PhD. I just love to learn! My family even jokingly calls me the Human Dictionary because I like to know about so much. Some might find it annoying or snobby, but my intelligence is truly one of my favorite things about myself! Reading is one of my favorite pastimes. Sci-fi is one of my favorite genres of any media: movies, tv shows, books, comics. I’m just a big nerd. I listen to just about all kinds of music, except country. It’s just not for me lol.

I’m an extroverted introvert of sorts. Being with my friends and family is fun, but I love having time to myself, you know? I’m a very touchy person by nature, physical touch is my most important love language (giving AND receiving). I’m VERY opinionated and can be very blunt at times, which can come off a bit awkward, but most people are cool with that (I think?). I’m also very ADHD. My brain function is the equivalent of a laptop with twenty internet tabs open, five podcasts, a movie, and three songs playing all at the same time. But it’s nice when I can get my brain to slow down every once in a while, usually by reading or listening to music. Naps are also a wonderful method as well.

I don’t drink coffee, but I love tea. Just recently got into baking as a hobby. You’d be hard pressed to find me in a dress. I take my hair and skin care so seriously, it’s a whole regiment for me. I love to sing and dance (but that doesn’t mean that I can😭😂). Most of my teenage years and early twenties were spent not really liking myself, and that’s hopefully improved!

I know that was an endless rambling, thank you so much hahaha 💕

no because tell me why im majoring in anthropology and also want a phd + im in middle of trying to relearn french + Im into baking and cooking, like i love cooking for people mmm yes let me feed you!! anyway, I ship you with...

જ⁀➴ Harry Crosby

Honestly.... harry is probably into nerdy people (because he probably a nerd as well)

like he is probably the type that finds intelligence to be attractive

he's probably so happy to tell people his s/o is getting their phd like mmm yes theyre my smart cookie

anyway

no not anyway because what if he just asks you for a daily word like... that'd be so cute

you two probably met at a bookstore, can't even convince me otherwise.

he asked you about the book you had chosen, asking if you'd recommend it which he then realises is dumb because obviously you've not read the book if you're buying it??? and so he picks up a copy

Whilst you're in cue for the cash register, he manages to end up behind you, wow what a coincidence

more small talk

its awkward

He's awkward

BUT HE SOMEHOW GETS YOUR NUMBER?!

miracle frfr

first date is probably something lowkey

like lets just go eat at this family-owned restaurant he's been going to since he was a teen or something like that

people know him by name because obviously with my previous statement hes been here many times before!!

wanna share a milkshake? That might be fun, have fun kiddos

harry definitely falls in love first btw

first kiss? uh, happens on accident.

he thought of kissing you

didn't actually want to

You were dancing to some jazz whilst at home

he merely thought of it for like half a second

Next thing he knows, he actually is smooching you

apologising, profusely

so red in the face

mans made himself embarrassed to no end at this point

song song song !!!

My funny valentine by chet baker

you two were dancing to it and that's when he kissed you so it became important to him even though it makes him red in the face

[landwriter]

🦅 and 🤗 for the fic asks?

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants? I usually have a sort of jot-note thing figured out but it often includes dialogue, specific descriptions and actions, etc, as much as plot stuff. Even when I'm pantsing something, if it starts getting long I'm gonna inevitably have THOUGHTS which is unfortunate because I have no MEMORY so the outline/notes are kinda an absolute necessity. When I write without I'm topping out at like, 1K, and frowning very hard while doing it hahaha

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started? Well, I'm new to fanfic writing myself - I finished my first fic in mid-October. So I can relate to the getting started part, but can't say if it's good advice or not lmao. What's really helped get my feet under me more so far is:

Read widely across genres - for me, the sound of language is so inspiring. Fuck with poetry. Crack some sci-fi. Listen to Beowulf being read. You will also be exposed to SO many cool craft-based bits and bobs - structures, mechanisms for suspense, character development, etc.

Be patient with your ideas* - I wait as long as possible before writing something because I want the idea to be as large and hungry and champing-at-the-bit as possible before I start making it real. It's also so much easier to make changes when you don't have stuff written already, and it feels better to stop and let things percolate when you're not already 3000 words deep (although that happens and it's okay too). The more I know an idea and what I want to do - even if it surprises me later - the more confident I feel during the process and frankly us brand new fic writers need every gram of it we can get!

Be patient with your writing too - you might be slow as fuck, dude. Slow as FUCK. That's okay. You'll speed up but only if you keep chipping away and engaging in the act of writing. I know. Brutal.

Follow your gut and your happiness! Do the weird stuff you've never seen. Do the self-indulgent stuff you've seen a thousand times before. Trust yourself. Honour your tastes and preferences above all else. Which leads to:

This might be a mildly hot take but you don't need fandom spaces or other fanfic to write, and you're more likely to develop a singular and interesting voice if you let your writing develop outside of them and be influenced by other sources too. It's appealing, when new to something, to try and embody Correct Form and Conventions. But I think you gotta know what you want from your story more than you know what people will expect from it. I would challenge you, no matter what you're writing, to try and put out of your head what fic is 'supposed' to look like or sound like - honestly, you've probably read enough that it will inform you regardless even if you're not trying consciously to embody it. So let go of the product and get neck-deep in the process. Get weird! Get sexy! Chase that idea down like the feral fucker you are! And fucken send it!!!

*for the research-inclined I will pointedly note you also have to know when it's time to START writing - this isn't a paper that needs cited sources (unless it is, then please send it to me, I'd like to read it) - it's a story WITH and BUILT UPON information. Push yourself out of the nest when you sense you're dawdling and give 'er. You can always fill in bits later! I promise!!

Lastly - you are NEVER TOO OLD / TOO LATE / TOO ______ to start writing. Never ever, I swear it. If you're thinking about it, do it. Don't wait for permission or encouragement or a sign from above. There's at least one story inside of you. And I want to read it!

(fanfic writer emoji ask)

[brotherwrites]

The Aspect of a Pleasant Day

"I used to think maybe you loved me now, baby, I'm sure! And I just can't wait 'til the day when you knock on my door! Now every time I go for the mailbox, gotta hold myself down! 'Cause I just can't wait 'til you write me you're coming around!"

You've just gotta love these bright, sunny days we have nowadays! Clear skies, cool wind, the warmth on your face as the sun beams down from on high! Not like the horrid weather we had before, let me tell you. You couldn't walk down the street without getting yourself swept up in some wild tornado, or accidentally stepping into a chasm that you swore wasn't there before. For example; last month, a good friend of mine, a very good friend, informed me over the phone that there wouldn't be any crazy weather planned for that month. He works with weather you see, very good at what he does, quite famous worldwide, so I, as a trustful pal, took his word for gold and went out for some tea.

Now, when you decide to go for an outing, you ought ta' make it a special occasion for yourself, especially if you've made so little time for personal leisure- and you can't ask a person with a bit of self-respect to spend that free time at a local Starbucks for a spot of tea. So I thought I'd take a trip to the United Kingdom to visit one of my favorite places in this world, and I know what you're thinking, aren't plane tickets in America expensive? You'd be absolutely right, not to mention how slow and unreliable they are. The last time I've taken one for the novelty of it, I fell asleep and woke up chest-deep in water! Sooo unreliable in my experience. But not to worry, for I had another friend who helped me in my little venture! You see! When I first met my friend, they invited me into their home, telling me their life story. They were a spiritualist and an aspiring gipsy, who wished to gleam into the secrets of the universe. So I, the generous guest I am, had helped them gather an impressive library of ancient lore, scrolls filled with "lost" languages, and tomes of forbidden secrets. Now they are one of the great names people whisper about! Quirky as they may be nowadays. But they have gained an impressive title!

The Seer of Void, Speaker of Stars.

Ah! I seem to have been caught rambling! Hahaha! My apologies, I'll try to keep it to a minimum.

As I was saying, The Seer owes me a number of favors after I helped them. I used a few, but I still have plenty more, so why not splurge a bit for a nice day! So! After a pleasant chat, my dear speaker sets me up with a small ritual. Ten minutes later, a bit of warping of time and space, and Bob's your uncle, I'm in the Helmsley Walled Garden!

Have you ever been there? It's quite a beautiful place! Fresh spring air, lovely scenery, a welcoming staff, and the part that made it one of my favorites, their Vinehouse Café just a short walk away! Honestly, if one did not have the other, I wouldn't paid this place any mind. So! After giving some of the gobsmacked people around my arrival a cheeky little wave, I made my way down to the little Café where I ordered a cuppa Yorkshire Tea and a bit of nosh to go with it. All in all, I was having a lovely evening when a snowball smashed my cuppa while I was taking a sip, scattering it onto the pavement below, and I was suddenly in the midst of a snowstorm.

As you may imagine, I was not chuffed. In fact, I was bloody mad that my weather-controlling friend told me such rubbish that there was "nothing planned that month."

I, of course, wanted to pay them a surprise visit since they obviously didn't know I was around, considering they were faffing around with the local hero, Earl Gray, when I arrived in their laboratory.

Now my friend, who looked Dodgy, noticed that I was cheesed off, so they tried to give me an earful, but I could tell that they were, if you'd excuse my language, speaking out of their arse, and I was having none of it.

Quieting my gobby bloke, I released Earl Gray, sent them on their way, and had a nice chinwag with the weather for a few days about word choice and how the wrong words can get people you liked hurt.

Truly, we had such terrible weather.

But it's all better now! It has been perfect weather worldwide for weeks, and I don't see that going away anytime soon! Summer just started, it was pleasantly warm instead of the usual blistering heat, the birds were singing a wondrous song and children were laughing in the distance. This could honestly not be a more perfect day! It was so perfect that you can't help but sing!

"Now I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh! I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh! I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh! And don't it feel good! Hey, all right now! And don't it feel good! Hey, yeah!"

Ah, but what I could use is a bit of company, it would be a shame to spend a day like this without a chum around. But I wonder who I should be with. Should it be The Seer? No, no, I've already troubled them enough, besides, they're swamped with work from the beyond. How about The Knight, they are usually free for me. Oh, wait, they are getting married soon with The Sylph this month, making The Sylph equally occupied. Hm! Now this is a conundrum! Perhaps... Oh! Who's that I see? It couldn't be!

"Why, isn't it the Kingdom's favored hero, Earl Gray! What brings you to the States?" I jubilantly asked as I crossed the street to meet them. Earl Gray seems to be dressed down for the occasion, dressed as they were. A finely pressed outfit free of wrinkles, a fine brooch above their left breast, and even a splash of white over their usual shades of gray. The fact that they are not in their working uniform tells me everything I need to know. They are on vacation and decided to go across the pond, as it were, to have a little visit, like I did not so long ago!

"I came to speak to you. I'm doing a casual bit of investigation with my sightseeing, and I noted that you could be helpful." Me? Well then, I was looking for a friend to spend time with, and got an acquaintance, I may as well make the most of it! We found a little café that was owned by a friend of mine, The Maid, so we got cheaper prices, since The Maid and I are such good friends! And, for a few hours, me and my acquaintance spoke on various topics, all skirting around the main topic they truly wanted to talk about, till they finally caved and asked directly "What exactly happened to The Mage of Breath, Boffin of Weather? You were the last person seen with them, were you not?"

"Hm? Oh them! Ah, yes, I've completely forgotten! It seems our little chat had... inspired them to retire, surrendering that title in the process. All their assets were dispersed along with them, so you have no need to worry about where they are." I say as a chuckle slips out. "Ahem. However, I suppose what does concern you is the knowledge that the title of Mage is now open again. Who knows what damage will occur if a completely unknown person gets their hands on it. But don't you worry! I'll do a bit of investigation of my own to make sure this person doesn't make the same mistakes as their predecessor."

"After all," I utter, looking Earl Gray in the eyes, witnessing trepidation under the steel. "I am The Lord of Aspects, Maker of Contracts. It's my job, I can't have people with that kind of power changing the world too much."

You’re a supervillain, but something about your choice of victims puts you low on heroes’ priority lists.