#but holy shit this song was vulnerable and beautiful

[sunflowerrboyy]

im fine this is fine im not crying rn

[vivisviolets]

⛓ who is your tribe? 𓆩📓𓆪 𓆩🖤𓆪 how will you meet? ⛓

✮i love how i connected these 3 pics im sooo smart guys

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ -pick the image that gotchu good 👁👁 gotcha eyes~ you know how to do it I know you do- if you feel unclear, take a nice deep breath, connect with spirit/God/your higher self, and ask what messages would serve you in this very moment~ this has been your radio host vi-vi talkin🎙, and I'll catch at your pile~🖋️✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖✮pile 1✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Five of Swords (reversed), Five of Wands (reversed), Ace of Wands, The Hierophant, Page of Cups (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ (slight 18+ cw) Libra/air placemnets, 7th house (Sun/Moon/Rising/Mercury/7h dominant etc), 1 house placements, Aries placements/degrees (Moon/Rising, etc), Nepo baby/“girl(boy/kid)-next-door” vibes, hair extentions, “going blonde”, Legally Blonde, angel numbers 1111, 222, 2424, 1234, channeled songs, Casual - Chappell Roan + How to be a Heartbreaker - MARINA

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Hello my pile 1s!!!!! omg i wanted to jump right in but I feel the need to greet you into this becaussse- omg you are gorgeous- like I am being so fr DO NOT play yourself down I can hear the mind chatter of some of you gearing up at me saying that,-shut that shish down. on the other side of this group,- you already know you were born beautiful, raised beautiful, and have always been your own created beauty, you’re so tapped into that and really you always have- so I want everyone in this pile, to align to that energy rn. 👏R👏N👏. No matter your upbringing, whatever your family told you, your past friend groups, your classmates,- you don’t got to do or be someone else’s anything. you speak for yourselfff- and you always have!! no matter how deep your security periods were, you still radiated- radiance💎 and strength- damn you guys are strong, no matter how “submissive” some of yall feel to be (your vulnerability is divine btw and def a part of your strength)- you are strong af. strong in only a way the wind is (I mean think of how destructive that nature can be yet how soothing its flow is when it is calm) or a polished pillar… I JUST KEEP HEARING IT- YOU GUYS ARE BEAUTIFULLLL. ugh I gotta get into more dets for you- I’m hearing that some of you are blonde (natural/dyed/bleached it dont matter) and damn does it make you look like a star ☆- PLEASEEE YOU’RE A STARRR ♥️- sorry- it looks so good on you the more fair aura because that is definitely the color of your aura in social situations (I’m hearing pale lavender, blue, pink, yellow), I’m hearing you have very calming eyes.. something about the color of your eyes is very “even” in color, or you may know how to keep very even eye contact and that makes the color of your eyes stand out (anyyy eye color- I’m even seeing some of you may have a kind of heterochromia where you may have a dot of brown in your blue iris/other colors apply, etc), some of the people who you’ve kept such level eye contact with during conversation- they think they’d be able to see your eyes in a dark room they stand out so much…

oh my god pile 1 you are a star- moving forward I have to mention, some of you are very proud brunettes- as you fucking should be because oh my jesus that’s hot, your hot, you are a star ★, a superstar- I am not just saying that holy shit. I’m seeing you may stand out in your friend group or who you usually hang out with due to your coloring whatever that may mean (for example cus we’re on the topic of hair- you may be a blonde within a lot of brunettes, or vice versa- you may have brown eyes among a bunch of blue/green eyes, vice versa- you may be only one who tans, has lots of birth marks, wears their hair natural, etc etc),- now I’m hearing I should be giving random styling opinions/boosting- so if you have a y2k grunge aesthetic, or old hollywood glam style you look incredibleeee- don’t you fucking dare bring your body type into this- if you’re an apple body you look like literal heaven in a pair of low rise bedazzled jeans- long straight hair looks so good with your body shape, get wigs if you’ve been thinking about it- get braids if you’ve been wanting them- different color highlights is definitely a good idea (blonde, orange, blue, purple), tighter tops look so good on your body shape (lace up ones or ones with details/graphtics)- a clean sleek white dress would literally ☆shock☆ everyone in a room who knows you/your style (and ppl who don’t know you loll), nude makeup that matches the rest of your undertones, glossy press on nails, one piece of jewelry per type here and there,- some more gn/masc opinions I’m hearing are more shaped clothes, botton downs tucked in high rise straight down jeans/pants (showcase the shape of your shoulders and waist a bit moreee)- I’m hearing if you were to wear a brooch of somekind on your shirt pocket you’d drive someone “wild”-… I MEAN MAYBE THAT’LL JUST BE ME 💞💀- curls look so great on you also, like if you did a larger loose curl somewhere in the front of your hair- gel curls would also look hot on you- star accents of some kind (jewelry, belt charms, keychains, even tattoos),,, you are totally someone’s “pretty boy”/“pretty girl”/“pretty baby”… OH MY GOD THIS IS A RELATIONSHIPS/FRIENDSHIPS PAC WHERE WAS III-

so I was getting into it even in the energy check-in some of you may be coming from a place of past drama- yes I said past bc even if it's fresh it will be past, and in that it is already the past babe. so anyway- there is something.. romantic here- possibly, but really I’m hearing you are in admiration by a lot of eyes-… now I’m hearing “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid lol BAHHA oooohh~ you think your life is really mundane and so you’re hearing me say you have eyeballs on you like “… I leave my house once a week”- …bitch- your envioment means nothinggg and can change when you want it to fr. no matter your place this is your natural energy- I’m hearing your natural energy is being a socialite- and I mean you are meant to shine like a glittery star in various rooms- WITH YOUR GAL PALS!! this can even apply for going into a business/professional environment where you speak and interact with a lot of people and you are at the center of that- But anyway take it where it may apply. for some of you- you may do amazing in more queer centered places (clubs, awareness groups, or even drag shows in your area), places with a lot of creativity in relation to fashion (maybe even theater?) and makeup- for others here you should get out more in your school/college (gardening clubs or outdoor volunteer work would definitely benefit you), even if it’s just walking around your enviroment- wherever you walk you own, and you make yourself known…

I’m seriously feeling that so hard- AND SOME OF YOU DARE TO TURN A BLIND EYE TO YOUR OWN INNER SHINE. it's seriously beginning to bug me how you’re still staying in this insecure, bitter, fearful, energy, that is not yours but you continue to claim it!!! WTF. anyways, to those of you resonating with that- I’m being sooo fr, as soon as you kick those feelings to the curb (to be run over and killed 💅) and you fully allow yourself to bloom and allow the sun to shine on you- there will be buzzing. BUZZINGGGG🐝. put yourself out there and seriously just experiment with what it feels like to be with different social groups, don’t take it personally, expect nothing, just do it for your own self experimentation~ doesn’t that sound fun??? I'm getting the tingles just thinking about it~again with those spaces I talked about, no matter your feelings- wherever you walk you own. you belong because you know you belong in yourself. that’s your natural state and no matter how vicious some people were in seeing that in you, you still own that about you ☆ and it is your choice to use that divine gift given to you. please trust and believe when I say that once you step into that inner, pure, state of being- you will be divinely protected, any ◉ attacks are small potatoes and will be diced.

ANYWAYS WOOO- ummm all those spaces that I mentioned are fully open to you, and are definitely where you’ll meet your tribe- again, I’m seeing your “tribe” will more so be you being you and coming in and receiving a lot of admiration- people will just love to talk to you as soon as you come in (I’m seeing especially for the queer/fashion/creative group people coming up to you with armfuls of clothing joyfully wanting your opinion I loveee this for you)- I’m speaking about the future mainly to my more underdeveloped group of this pile, but let me jump into the future which is the place some of you are very much stepping into rn!!!- you’re having people crossing their legs in club booths to fit more people into your get to together- BAHHA- people want to be close to you, catch up, ask where you’ve been traveling to or what you’re wearing- and you’re finally soaking it all up and sitting so relaxed, your smile is dazzling and you’re taking a nice breath in and out as all of this healthily regulates your ego + your higher self.. this is honestly giving that if you weren’t the “queen bee” in your high school- you are now but in your 20s/30s/40s/etc!! and you’re handling it amazingly well, because you still choose to go home solo most nights still high and happy ♡ I love this for you. you also get asked to be the leader or placed as the head of a lot of different projects- it’s more so you oversee them and everyone works around you- the thing is, that you don’t let all this go to your head because you’ve already grounded your self-worth- and because of that attitude, people then want you around even more. when you come in, people want you in your group for the day/hour/20 minutes before another group wants you lol.

you’re fabulous ok? it’s more than fine to be that, it’s divine ♡! soo many people are going to feel like the moth to your flame, it’s already been destined to happen literally😵💫!!!! just keep a watch out for the ones taking too much from you or being up and down with their give-and-take from you, because you deserve someone/people around you who stay hot for you and fan your bright flame while enjoying its warmth (unless they need their own personal space- ppl are ppl, not npcs lol)… I guess I should just briefly state before I finish your reading- the chorus of Casual by Chappell Roan was replaying through your whole reading- I’m not saying this as a cop-out, you have people stopping and, in fact, falling to their knees when they’re in your energy. I see one or two people who are already a part of your larger group environment being very infatuated with you (and I’d definitely keep your eye on them and remain open to this possibility- for some of you this special someone is in your group setting is so pure in their affection towards you and could,, be the one. I'm dead serious about that- but also HEHHEHHEHE💞- oh how I love-love♡),- but I’m mainly seeing a lot of first dates for you guys as you continue to get out there, and that is far from a bad thing because- who wouldn’t want a change at even just one date with you??? (take rejection as non-personal ofc- ppl have free will- and stupidity) and also you get the chance to see how you adapt and interact with new people which is terrific for you!! mannn do I see you getting accepted and taken out by so many people, assholes included but also a lot of “gentlemen”/“babes” who will gladly treat you extremely well and or will be pulling all the charm and fun within them for you- even if they know it’s just one night with you… I’ll just say, you do attract people who want to serve you… on their knees definitely-

AND THAT IS WHERE I WILL LEAVE ITTTTT FOR NOWWW- I’m so so soooo happy to have had you all here todayyyy your life is seriously going to keep going up-up and away if you’ll just allow yourself to see that steady climb and trust it <3 I seriously love youuuu I almost don’t want you to leaveee just like how everyone else feels BAHHA- love you.~

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out is it casual now- two weeks and your mom invites me to her house in Long Beach is it casual now” - “it’s hard being casual when i’m on the phone talking down your sister”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ "This is how to be a heartbreaker- boys they like a little danger" - "singing I lo-lo-love you"

⋆ ˖✮pile 2✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Ten of Pentacles (reversed), Ace of Pentacles, Nine of Cups, Queen of Cups, Six of Swords (reversed) (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Aquarius/Gemini/Libra placements, Capricorn/earth placements, Mercury dominant, Saturn dominant, 2nd house placements black lace, black on black, cinnamon, The Spice Girls, The Cheeta Girls, H2O, 2000s nostalgia, high school reunions, ex-friendship rebirth, stand up, saturday night bars, life path number 11, angel numbers 1111, 1212, 1313, 1221, channeled songs, Party for One - Carly Rae Jepsen, Heat Waves - Glass Animals

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ You guys are funny- just gonna say it off the bat I’m feeling silly with you rn ngl BAHHAHHAhehe- ok um HI PILE 2S!! I shouldn’t yell- let me not yell- some of you are coming from pile 1,, heyyy pile 1s~ ouw~ ok ok, you smiling could light up a room, a house, a complex, a broken oven. AHAHAH- what beautiful teeth and lips you have there- pile 2s. I’m seeing, so many different teeth and lip shapes before you come for me- straight, crooked, vener-white, “needs-a-cleaning” off-white, upside down smiles, nonsymmetrical dimples, big lips, small lips, uneven lips, scarred lips- you get it, I don’t give a shit. when you smile and give that big cackle, chuckle, chortle- you do what you do with joy- and people believe in jesus. people believe that pigs really do have wings. people believe that the sun must shine from your ass. truly. I mean truly. I’m sitting here with my fingers together like- hm. yes. how do I write this all- with a straight face without being sardonic… sardonic? do you guys read? I think you read. now I’m hearing “you thought you ate that-“ that meme, I know that you know it- let me stop. for-… 5 minutes… so we would probably connect really well- which is why I am all over the place, because you are also all over the place (yes I am shading you. respectfully.) someone here does really good impressions, including animals… whatever that means…- BAHAH, you guys would do great in stand up of some kind, either that or you’re known as the funny co-worker. you guys have this range when it comes to your sense of humor, where it is either very dry, with the most composed pauses (when I manage to do that without bursting into your own laughter), and or you guys are so fast like- the editing of a youtube video fast with the jokes- and or a mixture of the two where you’re able to pull off very intricate jokes very quickly in the moment. and jeeze people find you so charming, even more so because of the way you look as well, it’s almost weirdly uncanny to some people how someone with the level of physical attractiveness that you carry (it’s so heavy and so much I know it’s so hard✨) and you then can pull off such- hilarity. and they're like- “…do they know they could be a model??? like- are they aware?? are they using this comedy because they don’t see that about themselves??”… it’s giving “i didn’t know women could be funny” (goes for nb/men too ofc)…

wow- kill them with a spoon 🥄- anyways WOW. so I think you may have, a lot of perceptions of you by people around you who haven’t known you for very long, mainly revolving around your looks- yes your looks. your modesty is attractive but it won’t fly in this courtroom👩‍⚖️- you are attractive in some way, or have an appearance that people definitely admire- but also scrutinize, or underestimate… you definitely get belittled. ok- that sucks- point them out to me?… yea I thought so they are so ew. I don’t care if that person is your mother, your father, or your co-workers who’ve been working at the place for 5 years longer than you- they are ew. anyone who puts you down due to their own pre-made perception of you is ew. ick even. yea, I’m seeing the issue here is not like most other piles I read for where it’s a growth journey with self and insecurity- no you’re good rn you’re like totally chilling. and I love that because I’m chill now, I’m dipping my tea bag up and down and sitting with you I’m so chill. but I had to look into anything going on because- drama, keeps you reading. so main issue I’m exposing is that there are people around you, in your space, a space you “have” to be in like work or even college classes I’m hearing- most people around you mind their own business, good on them, I love them- other people… they dress you up as something in their mind for their own- amusement?? or to feel a sense of having an eagle eye over “you”- and I say “you” in quotations because wtf- they do this… so as to spice up their own boring life? this is a weird form of admiration, because even if it’s a shitty thing to see you as, with them placing you so strongly in this box- they’ve placed you also on this pedestal… that’s probably why even with this obvious bullshit you’re still just chilling- because you know that if someone has built this all up to be who you are- it means you’re the best. and they’re the lowest. the end. anyway my back hurts- someone here likes podcasts, I’m seeing the The Broski Report podcast (broski nation✊) and also Murder, Mystery, & Makeup- again you guys really just chill, drink a bit of wine and entertain yourself.- so let me move onnn and see what transformations might be gearing up in your social life hun~

ok so it’s not “crickets” happening in your social life, not at all- but again you guys are just so, content and used to yourselves (this is my pile who talks to themselves in the mirror I see you)- when I asked yall if you felt lonely I literally drew a blank. and this is actually perfect because it’s seriously when you’re not looking/expecting and you're all good with what you have that you get given so much- so this is where I’m going to remind you all to actively meditate on keeping yourself open. don’t expect anything, just stay open and ponder what you’d like- and you’ll receive. that’s literally it. you’re in prime manifesting energy with how content and at peace you are in yourself- do you know how much you attract when you do that shit???? remain. open. and. aware. of anything that may happen, even if someone trips in front of you and you gain a brief interaction or someone asks you where to find extra office supplies and you show them the supply closet- see your abundance, allow it, remain without expectations. you are literally in the perfect energy for so much. You guys are definitely the type however to be really fine with only a few close friends you can have some fun with (and or have a nervous breakdown with) and some family… but I think this contentment you have with yourself, might have come from you feeling- misunderstood in your sense of humor or self-expression. I gotta say, you definitely handled that disappointment well, since instead of dulling yourself you just shine more inwardly for your own enjoyment and entertainment- and that’s wonderful! but I do gotta say- I know you can feel a bit, pent up. due to a lot of your big personality being fitted within you, and that’s fantastic truly- but also it has the same effect of being stuck in your house alone for one week too long. maybe that’s why you read when you can- you get to be in a very expansive and wide world that feels different from your own… oh god did I make you yearn???? oops I’m sorry. anyways!!

you’d really thrive in some environment that feels more- “widespread” I suppose, that doesn’t mean cracking yourself open to a room of strangers, I mean just sharing yourself- still from a place of your own entertainment- what I mean is that it’d be really healthy for you to find an outlet for the pent up jitters you get- find it online if you want to try that, try little baby steps, why not?- go on one-time dates just to release a bit of what you keep inside you- interact with random people sitting next to you at bars,- no attachments, just feel out what you feel when you let your inward personality, be more outward- on a lease 🐩. I’m hearing some of you may be a little fearful of attachment even, work that out- that doesn’t mean you’ll then sacrifice your peace, you’ll just gain a wider world for yourself by gaining new connections- and obviously, with the personality and personhood that you have- you can totally just pick and choose who gets to be a part of that world and your time! you owe nothing to anyone. do you have any actual clue how many people are out there, whose perception of you is not just what they observe, but what you actually are? and their perception of you actually helps you and is used to contribute to your happiness and peace??? yea. having actual friends is freaking great. and the more you simply open yourself up to that- while staying aware and choosing who you want- that is going to be the big door that’ll be opened to you- you’ll receive so many amazing experiences and will shift and broaden your world and the worlds of others, you’ll be like a big tree, growing it’s roots around other trees- isn’t that soooo cute??? ok I’m trying to see into the future details in regards to you finding your “tribe”- spirit is honestly wanting things to be vague, so as you can remain open without any expectations. kk? I mean what I mentioned with the earlier situations gives you the clues to follow if you so choose- just be youuuu. you have more opportunities than you realize and you got all the answers to what to do within you. trust me when I say you’ll be running down the street in weird clothes and pearls, scream laughing out of breath with two girls who love you… that’s for someone here and it also applies to everyone here~

okkk pile 2s, it was stimulating being with you I’m nearly sick❤️ BAHAH anyways, in regards to any avoidant/anxious-avoidant attachment issues, just remember that heartbreak sucks, but heartbreak always just makes you hotter, and funnier. you prove that- that outcome is very real every day you exist as yourself… OKKK love you byeee❤️♡

deadass as I channeled this song, I was questioning if it was correct- and I look up to see one of your angel numbers 1212 on the clock- and then again 1221 as I type this lolll

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Once upon a time I thought you wanted me was there no one else to kiss- was it all a dream I let myself believe, I’m not over this, but I’m trying” - “party for one, if you don’t care about me, I’ll just dance with myself, back on my beat- I’ll be the one, if you don’t care about me, making love to myself, back on my beat”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Sometimes all I think about is you- late nights in the middle of June, heat waves been fakin’ me out, can’t make you happier now”

⋆ ˖✮pile 3✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Page of Swords (reversed), Seven of Cups, Six of Cups (reversed), The High Priestess (reversed), The Moon (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Cancer/Pisces/Scorpio placements, Libra/air placements, Leo/fire Placements, 5th house placements (Venus, Mars, Jupitar, Rising, etc), inner child, old friendships, childhood renewal, 1111, 333, 444, Only Yesterday (1991), horses, channeled songs, Wildflowers and Wild Horses - Lainey Wilson, Cheap Queen - King Princess

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Ok- Hi my pile 3s! and also my pile 2s because some of yall did not leave yet and have stayed for the next reading- like seriously this whole pac is connected rn- also happy 1111 as I write this!!! um oh my gosh let me start- you are so beautiful, yes I said it for the 3rd time in this pac post why are you on my ass‼️- its so true, you all have this classic beauty, it is timeless- you are timeless- or from a different time in your aura, your beauty, how you carry yourself in this world- etc etc… and when I say “different time” I don’t just mean you embody this feminine/masculine balance straight out of the 1970s, 40s, 50s, 20s,- and all the other time periods before/after I just mentioned- I also mean you still carry with you the time you had as a young child, you carry with you the sunshine you felt on your skin when you were 3-6 yo, and the snow you felt on your hands when you were 8-11… you have kept this purity and innocence and grown with it- and holy cow do I need to congratulate you and the strength of your spirit- so often we are forced to “leave behind” our childhood years and perspective due to difficult events or what people expect of you while you reside in this worldly- world. -which really that just means internalizing and hiding away in the closet the purest state of yourself (*also this is my more queer-centric pile so hellooo my fellow queer community ✨☀️)- this is putting a hole in my own heart being in how free and high spirited you are, and how you fully embody that and always have ☀️. you have kept that warmed and soaked up the same sunshine as you did all those years ago- it might not even feel like years to you, it feels like only yesterday your childhood was your state of being and all around you- and now, you are a bit bigger but you may live in this state that no time has passed- does that make sense?? ugh dude I hope so, your energy is like the sunshine, in that, I can’t reach out and physically be in your presence- but more so I’m trying to sit in your light while my vision gets spotty and I get a little dizzy… as in- you guys are out of this worlddd💫!!! you might even be told by your family or your peers that you tend to make them “dizzy” with how you communicate- you may be the type to jump from one topic to another, while you fold your laundry- and tidy your desk drawers- and walk into another room *backward* because you are still talking and describing a detail that is “important” to the story you were recounting 10 minutes ago- you sweet thing!!!! this is adorable to be in,, if anyone’s ever made you feel bad about how you communicate, do not take it personally- its always good karma to be considerate of other’s sensitivities, but everything you do is so pure hearted- it would be so phony and ridiculous to believe any crap people say about you to be truthful. your energy is so pure and truly yours, this is your sign and confirmation to continue to not live for the external views of others and live life through your own view ☀️. Oh- i keep getting horse imagery- horses may be significant for some of you, it may be your spirit animal or a spirit guide that is close to you may take the energetic appearance of a horse (in particular for some of you it’s a very strong and matured brown colored horse of some breed), or some of you grew up around horses in some way!

Oh this is random but you may be the type to enjoy having your playlists on shuffle lol- because I just suddenly began mentally playing Cheap Queen by King Princess- so this is definitely where I will now channel the dets about your social environment my dear~!! ok sooo- I’m seeing various different types of family dymanics, big families, med sized families, even 2 person families (you + a guardian)- I sense that you have close family ties, and i know family can be complex, so let me state some variouions of what that means- you may have a close familiarity to your family’s home or yard (maybe even your neighborhood area), such as knowing every little creak that your house makes when you go to the kitchen to get a morning cup of water, I’m seeing for some of you- you are very tied to your sibling dymamic if you have siblings (I accidently wrote in all caps at first and I scared myself lol- so you may come from a family where loudness is common part of the jokes you share), or maybe even kids you knew in your neighborhood if you played with them often- things like that have stuck with you inrelation to what you look for in anykind of companionship, a sense of familiarity~ this is def the pile who believes in being drawn to your soulmate(s) or past life connections lol~ so while you have that grounded energy in wanting stablity, you also are an entertainer and you know how to have a good time!! as you should since you totally fly like a fabulous canary from room to room- you should feel more confident when you dance btw, put more energy into your shoulders with joy because the way you move literally energizes people-

now I’m getting messages on how you connect to your inner child, I’ve said before you already naturally embody your inner child (“just in a bigger body” I’m hearing- some of you may have had a big physical growth spirut as a child btw), but some messages in regards to connecting to your inner child for those of you who need some answers is to engage in more activities that return yourself to a past peaceful enviroment, this is also for those who had a more chaotic upbringing and had to turn inwardly for peace ❤️- taste is a really important sense for you returning to that younger state of peace, so certain candies (I’m hearing those fruit rollups I love those still) or fruits, snacks- simple dishes that made younger you excited and brought you joy- also I’m hearing something about sleepovers and evening activities/coziness~ so grab some blankets and make an event of staying up late if you already do that lol- anyways!! let me get back to how fun you truly are to be around my dear, I mean, seriously! If you have the opportunity go out when you can, if you already have a friend or someone familiar go to a house party nearby (keep yourselves safe!), try rollerskating if you haven’t, and get closer to someone you already know and show your colors- DRESS UP!!!! I know life can be bleak especially when you feel that life is very "closed off" and dead lol- but when I tell you the phrase “dress for the life you want”- I mean ittt~ it will align you with the environment that you desire and it will come to you so naturally (in the same way you making a coffee and taking your dog for a walk is a natural occurrence in your life!)- I’m hearing that the connections that you already have in your life are “all you need”, and by that I mean you can build off of those and shoot farther into the sky full of stars meant for you 💫. I’m hearing the quote about drawing back your arrow before you can shoot forward- if you’re feeling stuck right now, this is what I’m trying to tell you, blossom exactly where you are right now, and everything else will simply follow!!! and I know that takes courage but I KNOW you have it because it was child you’s courage that got you to this future you are currently in~ and when you start to embody their courage along with their light, I know it will be the turning point to creating the life you were always dreaming and painting in your mind~ I’m seeing bright neon lights, holding hands and toothy-laughing grins, your clothes looking exactly how you pictured months ago- this is what I see happening in the future!! please stay open to some of the connections you already have- renew them is what I’m hearing (but please follow your intuition, if you need to cut everyone except for one or two true connections then that is the right thing for you to do)- if these are people who you knew when you were a lot younger then bond on the older times and use that energy to renew into more new memories,- these older connections you have you could definitely collaborate with to mutually make new connections and go towards new experiences- I’m hearing maybe even to “get out of this town”... phew pile 3!!!! what a way to end this pac, so happy to have met you and I feel like I took a nap in the sun- I’m really on some hazy ish rn lolll but I really hope I was helpful in any questions or worries on your beautiful mind~ I LOVE YOUUU so much, you better keep on shining- even if that’s just in front of your mirror, that’s perfect and valid ☀️👏

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “I'm five generations of blazin' a trail- through barb-wired valleys and overgrown dells- I'm barefoot and bareback and born tough as nails” - “I push like a daisy through old sidewalk cracks” - “yeah, my kinda crazy's still runnin' its courses with wildflowers and wild horses”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “I've been alright, I’ve just been doing the same shit I've always liked- like smoking and movies and homies who bring me wine” - “-all of my girls get up early and stay out late- they drive all the way to the west side to see my face- that's good love- and I ain't no big baller when it's fake friends you're callin’”

⋆ ˖

✮

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️am I actually going to (*schedule to*) post this omg it feels like forever since i did this.. where was i even? whatever- its whatever- holy shit I'm putting myself out there!!!! praise be!!!! omg I'm going to get one extra hour of sleep as a treat🍰

love, vi~♡

[palfriendpatine66]

An entry for the made-up fic title game <3 (if you’re still playing):

Down in my doomsday blues

(From the Irish eurovision song >.<)

Send me a made up title and I’ll give you the fic I’d write for it

Not that I know anything about this song or eurovision so the vibes I’ve assigned it are probably way off BUT:

Down In My Doomsday Blues…I’d love if this was a song of Obi-Wan’s. I want him playing at an open mic night in some little tiny nowhere bar about how his life has gone to shit and Anakin, who’s probably a server trying one to make enough money to leave this place behind is like HOLY SHIT you See™️ me. You Know™️.

(Except no, he doesn’t actually say that and he buys him a drink after and tries to play it cool and be all like “you’re too pretty to be so sad/I can heal that broken heart of yours/I bet I’ve got something that can make you smile ” and Obi-Wan’s reaction to that is a big no thank you.)

Obi-Wan doesn’t take Anakin or his ongoing interest seriously and brushes him off and definitely doesn’t pay any attention to the pretty boy who’s too young and beautiful to know The Sads™️ like he does and certainly doesn’t deserve to be held back by a sad, disillusioned old man like him. Until one day Anakin gets up at open mic night and sings Down in My Doomsday Blues - changing the lyrics to be all the things that have got him down - and Obi-Wan realized 1) he was kind of an ass and 2) he knew Anakin was pretty but that was NOTHING compared to the sight he makes while he’s open and vulnerable and crying while he pours his heart out. So after Obi-Wan approaches him and buys him a drink and is all “hey…“you’re too pretty to be so sad/I can heal that broken heart of yours/I bet I’ve got something that can make you smile” and Anakin smiles a little smile so beautiful that it makes Obi-Wan remember how to see beauty in the world again (or maybe that’s the happiness they find in each other. Either one 💕)

[pastafossa]

hello! if u have not heard "two" by sleeping at last, i BEG u to listen to it. its our penguins' love in 4 and a half minutes, u would think they wrote it specifically for TRT 💛

I HAVE, IT ABSOLUTELY IS A PENGUIN SONG! I've got Two on the official TRT playlist for them cause holy shit that feels right all the way down to sweetheart, and the line about 'I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well. I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself' gets me emotional every gd time. It reads like TRT from start to finish, is this guy reading trt orrr For anyone who hasn't heard Two (or any of his other enneagram songs, all of which are built with different tempos and melodies based on the personality types), I highly recommend giving it a listen cause it is totally a song for TRT's romance, and is one of my favorites for them.

Side note, some of his other songs I have on the TRT playlist:

One: a sorta sad song for Matt, since I headcanon his enneagram type is 1 or 2.

Two: obviously - this fits for both of them.

Six: a song for Jane, since I'll confirm this is her enneagram type.

Eight: this one's for both of them thanks to their backstories and the song's grown on me with time. It's so sharp and closed off at the beginning before becoming more vulnerable and gentle. Absolutely perfect for both of them.

Nine: a song for both of them; just fits I think.

Mercury: this one feels just so tragically, painfully about Matt.

Earth: a tragic Jane song, works sadly well for her backstory and her struggle with the boar.

Neptune: a song from Jane to Matt, works well for before she tells him about Los Angeles.

Pluto: a song from Jane to Matt as she learns to trust and eventually love him.

I'll Keep You Safe: A hopeful song from Matt to Jane about how he'll keep her safe as she discovers who she is.

You Are Enough: a song for both of them to the other as they build each other up.

(Bonus if you want to ugly cry, since it's not on my TRT playlist: Saturn, written from the perspective of Galileo's children after he passes, is what I hear for Jane to Ciro after he eventually passes away. You taught me the courage of stars before you left How light carries on endlessly even after death With shortness of breath you explained the infinite How rare and beautiful it is to even exist)

[royallyprincesslilly]

Hi! I've just read Message My Heart and I've had to come on my laptop to send this message because wow!

I read a lot of your Lewis fics but this one was really good! I thought this was such a unique plot and executed really well. I felt the emotions: I was sad, anxious, excited. It was very good and I really wanted to share my feelings on it with you!

I don't usually love fics where the y/n is a celebrity but I thought your characterisation of that was so good! You could really feel what it must be like to constantly be in the spot light and feel like the passion with which you started with drained by expectations.

Lewis's Burner account username? Very Lewis 😅 and it kind of shows even more how detached y/n is from Lewis' world that she didn't think of him at all with that.

I actually felt anxious when y/n requested to follow him and she quickly closed to app after the action. We've all been there with a risky follow or message

I love how honest Lewis was with his initial messages to her about how he viewed her and not just oh you're so beautiful I want to get to know you. This part here:

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Safety and love.

I had to pause because so simple in wording but so intense of an intention. Perfect wording and also a way I would imagine Lewis who is such a grounded and matured person would describe a love he desires to give.

I love him cheering her on from a far and the way he transformed her into more of an optimist because I feel Lewis has that power, he is seemingly such a warm person.

The photo lewis sent! Phew who could not fall for those brown eyes! I laughed at the interaction with the friends and I loved that scene occurred with a group rather than alone. The comments about his lashes and nose bridge! I was literally saying you could tell by the nose bridge he's hot before I read that written in 🤣 cause 100% facts.

At the Versace show I literally gasped when Lewis walked in. I was like holy shit is she going to recognise those eyes, is he going to say something! I absolutely loved that Lewis could not hide his adoration for her even when his identity was still a secret with the way he was looking at her.

For me idk but I when I read this scene of her signing I imagined Dangerously in love - Beyoncé / Listen - Beyoncé. I know you said a flirtatious song but idk that just came to me. Dangerously in love because she has strong feelings for Lewis (who then she didn't know was lewis) but because she does not know him, hasn't met him it's like 'dangerous' the depth of feeling she has over essentially a stranger. Listen because that song is about breaking out from the mould of a puppeteer controlling your career and y/n kind of was breaking out of the sadness that previously surrounded her career now that she has Lewis.

When y/n at the end of the night was simply like I want you after Lewis' description of the beauty of her voice. I get it.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: Your voice is still haunting and amazingly beautiful, but your eyes are no longer sad and empty. God, you are gorgeous like this. Smiling, you took a deep breath. You: I want you.

Like sis is just like boy, I want you. I know you're it please come get me.

Blessedbeyondmeasure44: I want your days. I want your afternoons. I want your trust. I want your honesty. I want your vulnerability. I want your mind. I want your heart. Once again he'd stolen your breath.

ahh screams, this reminds me of and idk if you saw the clips of Love Island France but when Edgar at the recouping said: je souhaite former un couple ce soir et demain et après-demain et toute la vie avec cindy (roughly translated) I want to form a couple tonight, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and all my life with Cindy

It's like wow he wants her so much you can feel it with his words. Despite short and to the point notions in the individual sentences, as a collective - it feels so true and so deep.

When he invited her on the date I was so eager to see how the meeting would go down and I was not disappointed! Firstly the yacht? yeah I'd be down off of that alone 😅 Plus when he laced the place with her favourite things I resonated with y/n when she said she wanted to try for him regardless of if he was a celeb she thought she met before because nothing to make you feel loved like someone taking the time to really listen to you on the things that bring you joy.

When they met? wow - y/n is better than me cause I would have needed to sit down if I spun around and saw Lewis Hamilton was the man - my man!

It was very satisfying to read them meet and I wished this was longer! I was very invested! As I said I thought this was very unique plot and I loved reading it. I will probably read this again at some point.

Thank you for sharing your work! I hope you didn't think this message was too much of a hassle to read 🙈 but I just felt like I had to share because I did feel moved and I know writing takes a lot of effort.

Have a great day! 💕

Oh my god! 🥹 Oh my god, oh my god. 😭

What a message. Thank you for this! It has been such a long time since I got a message anywhere like this and I miss it so much.

No way is this too much or not welcomed. I love you for this message.

First off, thank you so much for reading my work and I am so happy you enjoyed it

I am glad the emotions came through the way I hoped they would. Normally I don't do the whole famous reader but for this, I couldn't help myself and am glad it turned out so well and wasn't weird. Lol

Yayy! I sat for like 40 minutes trying to come up with his account name. I didn't want it to be too obvious but at the end I was like oh well. Lol.

I am so glad you got Y/N's headspace of being detached from everything and everyone to the point where all she does is show up, get into character and leaves back to her life of solitude.

I enjoyed writing their progression over time and hoped I didn't give too little details to justify the height of their feelings for one another.

I am glad to hear I was able to capture his persona and vibe in this.

If I turned and saw him too I think I would have done the run and jumped on him. Or maybe I would look around for the prank cameras or to see if anyone else saw him too or if I was imagining him. 😂

This whole message made my night, Wednesday, Thuraday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for reading it and coming by with this message. ❤️❤️❤️

[lv-iceprince]

🎃…overall ship…🎃

@horanghaejamjam

goddamn katt, the self control i needed to not immediately write this ship, i'm so shy around you which is why i barely dm you but you're also the reason i like to procrastinate. i could write ships for you all day and fail university. you are my priority always <3

and just when I think i can’t fall for you harder than i already have 😩 the hair 😩 but like for real i was so excited to see you request again!!! i missed you so much 😭 the emojis are speaking for themselves but man I’m on cloud nine rn.

one extra special ship coming up!

i went so over word limit for this but i couldn't stop writing this, i have an addiction to this ship and i have to say this ship is the best one i've done so far, and it's extra special because it's for you. normally these ships are just over 600 words 630 max but holy shit this ended up having a word count of 1041. i literally struggle to write 1000 words of an essay but i can simp over you and this member and write a whole ass novel.

and such a sidenote but i just realised why i am so whipped for you and now it's so obvious, but it wasn't until you dyed your hair that i saw it. you remind me of a cartoon i used to watch as a kid, i used to watch all the time when i was 7-9 it was called ruby gloom and the theme song still slaps and you are literally irl ruby (even if your hair isn't red)! you're making me cry so much at that realisation

~ateez~ seonghwa🎃

This was the quickest decision I have ever made in the history of my indecisiveness. There is something that feels so beautifully domestic whenever I picture you and Seonghwa together, it’s so vivid that I can see the exact smile he would have for you, describing it wouldn’t give him justice so here you go.

You possess this incredible gentle nature and you are also the most honest and proud person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. You transcend the need to hide so you wear your personality on your sleeve and it the most endearing thing in this world.

But I’m not the only person who thinks so, Seonghwa would be besides himself and it would really show in everything does. You bring forth this sense of docile innocence in him, even if you weren’t dating at the time Seonghwa would have the irresistible urge to open up to you and be his most vulnerable self.

Even though Seonghwa is very loving this would be a big deal to him, normally he feels that he has some control over the relationships that he has, both platonic and romantic, but in this case, he really wants to take the back seat and see what happens.

He adores your kindness and your willingness to even give him the time of day, even though he is the literal Park Seonghwa and he doesn’t owe you anything he still feels obliged to show you just how good a boyfriend he is.

I can’t say this enough you make him feel like a good memory, you bring him so much peace and he can’t imagine ever wanting to leave your side.

Before I return to the more drabbley section of my ship we need to address your absolutely stunning visuals! Each time I see you and your aesthetic I actually get so emotional.

You are so pretty in the most wholesome way and you are an absolute icon starting from your hair to your aesthetic outfits. You literally have forest pixie visuals and your eyes are just so hypnotic, it is only natural that I ship you with THE siren eyes visual Seonghwa.

Both of you are so dreamy and beautiful, but in a way that I haven’t seen before. You both exist outside of the standard beauty standard yet you also just outdo every beauty standard ever. I truly can’t express how fond I am of your visuals and combining that with Seonghwa you get a dream couple.

Now, the creativity that just about oozes from your fingertips will never not impress Seonghwa.

Following the soft domestic relationship dynamic Seonghwa truly loves how he can just stick close to your side and experience the most exciting sense of comfort.

Your internal black cat mom energy has rubbed off on Seonghwa and he really starts to assume the role of being the dad, aka, acting like a husband even if neither of you explicitly mention the idea of having a family.

But let’s be real he definitely wants to have a family with you whenever the opportunity arises. 

You’ve actually plagued him with so much wholesome energy that it makes the other members gag, it’s so sickening to see how gentle he is with you.  Seonghwa is actually shorter than you, so the most sickening act off affection you do is resting your head on top of his just to give him a soft little kiss.

Oh, and we thought Yunho was the one and only spiderboy but Seonghwa totally looks up at you with a blush coating his cheeks as he places a feather-light kiss on your lips.

I don’t know where else to put this but talking about kisses he totally has this fixation with your tattoos he will aimlessly trace them when he is sitting next to you and he will even kiss them. His favourite will definitely be the pawprints on your thigh.

He also has a habit of treating your dogs like his babies up until the moment that you have babies.

Another thing is that SEONGHWA IS PRACTICALLY MADE FOR BOOKSTORE OR BOBA DATES YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE.

He also tends to giggle, like actually giggle whenever you call him “love”, “darling”, or “hun” even if you give that nickname to everyone you know.

Seonghwa loves you, that much is clear by how much of a damn baby he is around you, and he absolutely swoons whenever you present him with gifts or notes of encouragement but please be warned...

He will present you with even more elaborate gifts, and sometimes they are normal cute relationshippy things but other times they have this Seonghwa flare like him designing a custom you-seonghwa-and-your-dogs-in-a-cute-house lego set that you could build together all while he tells you that you’re way prettier in person.

All in all, there is something special about you, the way you look at him is enough to summon all the butterflies. Even if he holds back on the pda he will always say just how much he loves you, he will smother you with those three words. But it’s all in good faith. So many things have happened in his life but meeting you and having the privilege of falling in love with you is the greatest thing to have ever experienced in his life.

 Now, picture this, a bed full of plushies and in-between all of that is you and Seonghwa using your five blankets as a means of hiding away from the world. All the sounds around you are muffled and yes, it’s fall, the leaves have finally morphed into a flurry of browns and oranges.

Seonghwa’s slow breathing is irregular since he is humming some small song that has come straight from his heart. The lattes for two he made sit off to the side, widely neglected as you stare into each other’s eyes, he feels like he is living a dream, he wants you to pinch him so he could wake up and go about his days. But when you playfully poke his cheek, he finally realises that the sweetest thing in his life isn’t a dream, it isn’t a wish…

It’s true love.

[fruitlilliie]

bewitched listening party (i<3laufey)

I found Laufey while on tiktok a long time ago before she released music, I knew her because she was a singer/cellist and so was I so I ate up her content. She now has literally the most incredible discography of any newer artist, she has such a unique and beautiful sound like the jazz and orchestral sounds she uses tickles my brain and feeds the part of me that has always loved all jazz/orchestral/choral pieces and performances. As I'm writing this little blurb I'm listening to her new album "Bewitched" and holy shit like seriously I feel like I am ascending while listening to this. I just finished with "While you were sleeping" and it's just indescribable how angelic it sounds. The opening song "Dreamer" started and I just fell over. I was sitting on my floor so it was totally fine but just don't have any perception of what the song will be and then prepare to listen to the entire album (approx. 49 minutes) and you're just going to transform. If you don't like jazz or more classical style singing then gtfo but also come back because Laufey is so amazing that she'll change your opinion. She's always mentioning sunset and that kills me. Love some California representation though but the song "California and Me" just came on and its time for my heart to just fall out of my chest I guess. I know this song very well already as it was released in an EP before the album release. Maybe I am overly emotional about this song because my ex posted it after I talked about how much I love Laufey... but I digress, this song is absolutely stunning. If you have ever felt immense heartbreak hold onto that feeling. If you have ever been on the ride "Soarin" at Disneyworld, imagine the feeling of being on that ride but its like your life X California and Me playing in the background. Now bring back that heartbreak feeling and add it into the mix and that's just like how this song makes me feel just sitting in bed. So I am halfway through the album and I think the most heartbreaking thing she could have possibly done is put the Nocturne (Interlude) right in between "California and Me" and "Promise" (Promise absolutely wrecks me and makes me cry every time its longing for someone you can't have anymore and knowing you shouldn't reach out, you promised, but time moves so much slower without them. How can you distance yourself from someone you love so much, someone you want to spend your life with. "how we didn't say goodbye, just see you very soon" "it hurts to be something its worse to be nothing with you". Like please. Give me a chance to breathe before giving me another gut-wrenching line. She says she'll always lose the temptation of you. "Well never last". She's done the math. WHO HURT HER. Like hello relatable but LORDY. Then we go light bossa nova careless fun song like the variation and just damn TALENT from this girl is insane. Laufey stan for life when can I see her in concert I am itching for a wintertime concert from her. Until then, I'll be daydreaming to her music and living in my delulu world or crying my broken heart out to her sadder songs. Either way, this album is a really beautiful piece of art to the world. Like we are all so lucky to be alive at the same time as music like this (currently listening to serendipity) is being created. "Letter to my 13 year self" is the trifecta perfect addition to this years aim at healing and understanding self and girlhood and life like this song X Barbie X Eras Tour really has made me feel like a human being again. This song would absolutely kill me if I were listening at 13, that age is so horrible and vulnerable and formative like this song would have been such a comfort knowing that it's all going to be ok and not even knowing what "it" is. There so much to learn and to lose and at 13 there's no way to even fathom what on earth will change . Ending this album with Bewitched is beautiful and sick and twisted. Such a heartbreaking album and ending it with a love song pains me but being the title track, shows there's always love at the end.

[m1d-45]

HI TEDDY WELCOME BACK I HOPE I CAN STILL BRING MEANUNGFUL THINGS INTO THIS CONVERSATION WITH MY LIMITED KNOWLEDGE ON MADELA/OTHER HORROR ANALOUGE

BUT TEDDY, WONDERFUL TEDDY ANON DO YOU ENJOY THE LAST OF US?

OKOK SO READING TEDDYS ASK MADE ME THINK OF A FINAL BATTLE AND JUST DO YOU GUYS KNOW THE ENDING OF PERSONA 5!?

ok so if you don't I hope you don't mind me spoiling it rn, in persona 5 you play as Akira (jokes guy with black hair and black coat) who in this universe is a trickster someone who can harness different powers of personas (personas are the power of your heart or a different manifestation of your soul) as a trickster you can learn to wear the masks of these personas/use them (btw this is a very brief explaination and I might even be wrong bc I haven't retouches the games ina while)

In the end of the game, the final boss you have to fight is the fake god who you've been close to this entire time but has been lying and tricking you. this final boss takes over the world essentially and the end of this fight is the result of the public's belief in you and your friend. if they believe you and think of you as a source of good, you harness their hopes and dreams and use that as your final mask as you defeat the false god (https://youtu.be/4YeklrJJbOA) okay so build up is from 38:50 to 46:00, but if you just wanna go to what I'm talking about it's 46:50 to 51:00

I love persona 5 with my whole heart so thank you for giving me the opportunity to ramble about it so even if you don't watch it it's good dw

NOW I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT SONGS THAT RESONATE WITH THIS WONDERFUL AU WE'VE BUILT

4:00 AM by taeko onuki

just the chorus in the background, imagine this song planning as the archons lay locked down and helpless, unable to do anything but pray for a blessing that will never come

and it's something so mistakable, it's something that you can't blame for ignorance, after all how are they supposed to know that the reason for their downfall is their type of prayer? how are they supposed to know that theyve been letting the coldness and wrongness into their heart by their prayers for wisdom? for hope? for a blessing?

I think I get what you mean by kaeya being more susceptible than Diluc, Diluc prays for things for himself, for other people. for material things. kaeya kneels into the night and prays for things in himself, or within himself, for guidance in what to chose, the family that loved him or the nation that abandoned him?

this gives me ideas for albedo and Xiao now, especially since I've seen what you've written about them, but I'm not sure if albedos belief in you would make him vulnerable or not

anyways onto this rq

“o holy creator, maker of light and extinguisher of darkness, the foundation of the earth… please, deliver us from this evil.”

"OH in vol. 4 a ‘shepherd’ is mentioned, somebody who acts against the alternates, so like… that could be reader. "

^ OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THIS BEFORE "DELIVER US" FROM PRINCE OF EGYPT

midas, teddy anon could I please bring you both to a romantic candle light dinner and hold hands /pos

^^Deliver us, Send a shepherd to shepherd us, And deliver us to the Promised Land, Deliver us to the Promised Land'

'deliver us, hear our call, deliver us. Lord of all, remember us here in this burning sand. there's a land you promised us, deliver us to the promised land'

the teyvat they know is gone. their beautiful home is no more, your teyvat is dead, your creation is rotting the creator they knew would never have let it come to this but that was before you decended before they felt your heavy and cold presence. before the chains they had grown so used to locked onto their hands and feet and before they realized they where tricked

but their still might be hope...you. the real you might still be out there...please, oh great grace, the true One please deliver us to your promise land once more...

- 🍄 (HOLY SHIT I JUST REALIZED HOW LONG THIS IS IM SORRY YOU HAVE TO READ MY RANTING, teddy I'm so glad you've joined us, plz give me recs on more Mandela catalogue/analogue horror so I can keep up with you and midas thank you, I love and appreciate the energy we've built in the studio today, this is great <3)

welcome back and of COURSE you bring things to the table

straight up have no damn clue about persona five and it’s 11 at night where i am so i’m not gonna watch the vid rn and just work off what you told me

#1 mc working off the faith of the people? the entire thing you summarized about using the hopes of the people as your blade? fucking ELITE and translates so well

also i didn’t mean it like “diluc prays for material things” but more like “diluc prays for concrete things.” i know i was unclear and don’t blame you at all but like:

when faced with the same situation, the way the brothers pray is fundamentally different. diluc prays for the end goal, kaeya prays for the journey to take him there. if that. makes sense. essentially diluc is confident that hell receive the desired goal directly whereas kaeya thinks he still needs to work for it, and is asking for the journey that he can take. in. a way. idk it’s the closest i can put it into words- a lot of my feelings about this are… yk… feelings… so i can’t really english it out, but i hope this cleared it up a bit.

also i have no clue what you’re referring to abt albedo n xiao BUT i do have a lot of feelings about them both so please feel free to talk abt it

re: recs on horror: monument mythos, local 48(i think?? i forget the name), uhhh teddy says gemini home entertainment (i think idk names are hard) and i say the walten files. also the backrooms if you have time. or hiimmarymary but that’s a lot of really heavy topics really quickly so be careful.

“before the chains they had grown so used to locked onto their hands and feet and before they realized they were tricked” YES YES YOU GET IT YOU GRT IT MUSHROOM

post-takeover where the new revelation is not one of a false god, but of the true one. where they all realize their fault and pray to the real god, the true creator, where they learn of their chains and the wool is lifted from their eyes- YES YOU GET IT

you, me, and teddy are all in a polycule going to dinner, holding hands and talking about analog horror. the waiter is concerned we speak about murder so nonchalantly. the table next to us is wondering why three people are holding hands. all of it is /p and we decide who pays over like. rock paper scissors or something.

[blooming-violets]

“You’re responsible for your own media consumption, but if you can’t name the Mambo #5 women then gtfo.” I knew a guy once who’s life goal was to sleep with every woman who was named in that song. At the time I knew he him he only had a Jessica. I wonder how he’s doing today and if he ever found a Rita who wasn’t 80 years old. 

Suddenly, the thought would attack his mind: like being struck by lightning. He would wonder if she tasted as sweet as she was, while silently observing her with a crooked half-smile on his face, cock half-hard in his pants.

OoOooohh sweet Jesus I’m not going to survive this chapter I already know it. 

Honeysuckle. No wonder birds and bees couldn’t get enough of the stuff. Hummingbird wings beat beneath his chest as his tongue lapped at her petals, devouring the nectar he’d find.

Remember when DJ Khaled said once that he’d never eat out a woman but he expects them to suck his dick?? How could that man miss on this kind of beauty?? This is the kind of shit I expect to find in the wild. I want to pluck a man straight from the outdoors and bring him home and so I can experience this level of worship. This is why literature is has ruined my dating expectations because if I don’t have this level of passion and love then I don’t want it. I consider you a contribution to the reason why I am forever single. It’s all your fault. 

He was addicted to it. Whimpering for it.

STOP. IT. STOP! I CAN’T HANDLE IT IT HURTS TOO GOOD. My legs are spread wide open and ready. Question: Does Peter have a beard or stubble in this fic????? These are important things I must know. Send me a pic of exactly what you imagine his face looking like. What’s his hair cut like? What version of Andrew are we talkin’ here?

The way we are jumping between all his fantasies right now. Holy fucking shit. I have literal bite marks imbedded in my skin from biting down on my finger so hard while I savor each and every word. 

Heaven. He was in Heaven. The sight of her made him want to fall down and worship. Made him want to cry. Bury his head against her belly and sob and scream and have her pet him and run her fingers through his hair and rock him and cradle him and promise that she’d never leave him again.

Honey was beneath him again, in his childhood bedroom. There was blood everywhere in the sheets. Streaming down her face. Coating her breasts. Covering her arms. Covering his hands.

...And that took a turn. Alrighty then. Way to ruin the vibes, Peter. 

But, really, his love and guilt for Gwen is just ugh. So beautifully written. So powerful. I imagine him starting to lust after and fall for another woman (assuming he hasn’t done that since Gwen) is also making him feel guilt. It’s like he’s cheating on her memory. If he truly believed Gwen was once his forever person, how could he ever give that same love to someone else? There’s bound to be guilt and confusion tumbling around inside of him. Opening himself to someone else but knowing exactly what kind of outcome that could bring can’t be easy either. He can’t give Honey everything he wishes he could because that would leave him too vulnerable to the pain. Lust after her but keep her at an arms length. Want her but not allow her make a home inside his heart. Not able to let her go but not able to fully keep her either. And that is what those few fleeting sex fantasies have lead me to rabbit hole down. Fucking hell. Why can’t I just appreciate the smut for the smut? Why must I look deeper to find the pain? I crave the angst. I need it injected into my blood stream. 

Also, this was not the person he expected to see after... whatever that was.

I request Eddie be added into whatever weird drug fueled sex dreams Peter has next, please and thank you. Just to really confuse him some more. 

AND I FORGOT to say in the last chapter about Deadpool. I added in the screen shot but forgot to actually write about it because I was too excited about the deeper shit so I’m adding it in here. DEADPOOL DROPPING THE Y/N OMFG. You are a literal genius. I gasped and then made a loud squealing noise when I read that. Breaking the fourth wall in a fic is something I’ve never seen so beautiful executed before omg it was wonder and I loved it. Pure genius. Okay back to this chapter. 

“That was almost 3 days ago, man,” Eddie chimed in. Peter stared up at him, gobsmacked. Stunned. Confused. Worry set in Eddie’s eyes, the corners of his mouth downturned. “You’re in Vegas.”

Oooh boy it’s intense out here! 

The silver woman’s body was torn apart. Ripped open. Separated. Two halves.

It’s midnight here so I can’t be screaming but, if I could, pleases know that an audible scream would be coming out my mouth right now. Holy fucking shit. Jesus fucking christ. PETER WTF AHHHH. AMDSFNASLK;DJFNA;LSKDJFLSKJF ZSDASL;FD  ADSL;K DFB; KL;ADFV I wasn’t expecting this after the beginning of this chapter. Wow. I feel like you just grabbed me by the throat and slammed me back against a wall and I am not complaining. This is some good shiiiittttt. hehehehe

“She was an assassin,” Eddie explained, gripping him by his shoulders.

Oh thank god. It’s all okay then. Rip her in half that’s fine. Fuck it why not

“Message received, I guess.”

heh heh heh heh heh heh 

Eddie chuckled at the sight in disbelief, “Dude. She stabbed you with a sword—”

I would pay money to watch this fight in a movie. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, give me rated R Spider-Man with Mr. Garfield please and thank you! 

“I got rid of the camera footage, but we gotta get out of here,” Eddie mentioned, anxiously eying the door. “Get back home before anyone else sees you.”

For fucks sake please do not leave her body there for the poor housekeeper. They don’t paid enough to be traumatized by this shit! 

“Look, this was not random, okay?” Eddie countered. “How did Kingpin know where you were? None of the rest of us did!

Did Honey know where he was going?? Is John working for Kingpin or just the feds?? I don’t remember my memory is trash. Is this Honey’s fault or someone else got spies up in here??? 

Assassin or no, the images from whatever ‘hallucination’ Peter had been having, juxtaposed with the violent scene he ‘awakened’ to, made him sick with self-loathing.

Don’t worry, Pete, Katie thinks it’s kinda hot. 

Mortified at himself. When he squeezed his eyelids closed, all he could see behind them were Honey’s eyes. The look of betrayal on her face

What’s so depressing is that it’s the other way around. She’s betraying him. I wonder if he’d even be hurt by it at this point. Is he so lost in self hatred that he would just assume she’s right for what she’s doing and assume it was all his fault?? I have so many questions that I don’t want answers to because getting answers mean the story is wrapping up and ending and I need it to go on forever. Give me more questions and no answers. 

When Peter looked back up, tears running down the bridge of his nose and cheeks, he realized he was looking at a friend. Maybe his only friend. The only one that saw him for what he truly was, and didn’t run away in terror.

At this point I’m quoting every other line but I just need to give my live commentary to someone especially since I preread chapter ten before replying and had to hold it all in. Let me scream about it while the emotions are happening. Eddie being his only real friend is such a beautiful moment. Everyone else can’t seem to see what Peter sees. No one in the gang really likes him. Some hate him. But Honey was someone to actually see Eddie for more than he let on. She started to see through his exterior. Granted, she then used that to take advantage of him, but still she saw him and felt a softness for him. I really like that detail, intentional or not, that the woman Peter falls for is one of the only other people beside himself who befriends Eddie and sees him in a different light than the others do. They have a similar soul. That soul is clouded by all this mob business and years of trauma but, in another life, where there wasn’t such drama, they would fit together so effortlessly. 

Peter certainly scared the shit out of himself.

No shit. You basically Black Dalilah’d a woman.

Okay. Deep breath. Switching into Honey mode. 

She had no idea how John was able to pull that off, but he was capable of anything.

This made me so sad. This is exactly how she sees this man. Someone who is capable of anything. When he says he’s going to brutally murder her niece, she believes him, because of course he would. He’s a monster capable of anything. But Peter just split an entire human woman in half (with his bare hands?? maybe??) so I’d like to see him go toe to toe with John by the end of this story. 

She waited for him. After what she saw him do to his guard, she was scared out of her mind, but she waited anyway.

omg baby you poor thing. She’s so trained to be submissive through years of abusive. It hurts. Peter needs to get his shit together and start taking care of her properly or let her go. I’m mad at him. I’m going to kick him in the nuts and then kiss it better.

Now it was Day 3, and she felt like giant bats were flailing in her belly. Where could he have gone? And why did he not at least call her and tell her where he was, or if he was alright? She still didn’t have her own phone (officially) but there could’ve been some form of communication.

That answers my questions at least. Honey wasn’t the one to tell where he was. That’s a mild relief. 

She wasn’t allowed to do anything without him knowing about it, but he could disappear for days and not tell her anything? How was that fair?

That’s exactly what I was thinking, girl! You’re not allowed to look at anyone but he’s allowed to fuck kill a stripper assassin?? Hell no! Honey deserves better! I’m going to make signs and start chanting outside his house until he gets his act together. 

The back of the photo read ‘You should’ve just called a plumber, Ben. 2011’

Stop this too sweet 

Provocative. Passionate. Pornographic.

Hot

“Can I help you find something?” Peter said from behind her.

AHH where the fuck did you come from. Bro I thought you were in a hotel room in Vegas with a two pieced Silver Sable how you teleport so damn quick I know time jumps exist but my mind is very singular and I’m am bad at keeping up you can’t do this to me 

Like he’d teleported in the blink of an eye.

That’s what I’m saying!! 

She wasn’t used to seeing him without at least four articles of clothing. It was odd. Unnerving.

Babe you see him in nothing but his little undies with a raging boner every night.

Home. He took a slow breath. Anywhere she was, that was his home.

omg she’s going to break your heart and I’m going to love every angsty second of it

Sometimes, Peter felt like his worst was all he had to offer.

This line stings and I love it. 

the bats in her stomach became butterflies again

I LOVE THE SWITCH FROM BATS TO BUTTERFLIES how are you so good at writing 

I haven’t always been good to you. I know that. And I want you to know that I can be better. I wanna prove to you that I know how to treat a woman right, and... That I can treat you the way you deserve to be treated.” He swallowed hard, voice evening out, “You make me feel things that I didn’t even know I was still capable of feeling.”

Hours before, Felicia raided her closet, tossing items at her with a fired-up ‘surprise, bitch, you and me are goin’ out!’

AHHHHH is this going to be the lesbian love story of my dreams??? probably not but a girl can dream

the entrance of the trendy, luxurious nightclub simply known as ‘Web.’

Which was a stupid name, she told Peter.

Turns out it was his club.

I snorted. I love Honey. She’s my fav.

“Like she was all over you,” Eddie whisper-explained, “in your fugue state, but it was nothin’ R rated. Didn’t make it past second base. No penetration, y’know? Except for the sword, when she—” AND  “Your virtue is still intact, is what I’m tryin’ t’say,” Eddie whisper-blurted, like ripping off a bandaid. “Y’know. Your honor hasn’t been... uh... fucked away, I guess.”

Have I mentioned lately how much I adore this man??

Do you have every single character ever associated with Spider-Man throughout all of history in this fic because damn woman I don’t know how you keep up. 

I want to run off to the next chapter since they’re supposed to be read together but I have a terrible headache and it’s nearly 1am and I’m tired but this was wonderful. I don’t have any closing summaries because it’s not really the end of the chapter yet. Also most of my thoughts and screaming already happened above. I hope it wasn’t too illegible for you to read. Lord knows wtf I talked about and I’m not going back to reread my mad ramblings. 

I hope some good scary shit goes down in the club because we all know Honey isn’t going to be able to run in those heels so she’ll need Felicia to save her and carry her to safety. I suppose Peter could step up too but Felicia is the real MVP here. 

ily

sugar and vice, pt. 11 [mob!tasm!peter x fem!reader]

summary: what does it mean for your world to be torn apart?

words: 7.7k

chapter warning: graphic descriptions of sex, violence and gore. smutty fantasies (p in v, oral-f and m receiving, dubcon), nude photos, catfishing, revenge p*rn, coercion and manipulation of a minor, references to cancer treatment

series warnings: mob-typical violence, bang bang shoot shoot, whump. hurt/comfort. sexual situations. spousal abuse. family trauma. drug use. coersion. kidnapping. gore. blood. toxic/yandere!peter (maybe, sorta), negative self talk, shameless forced proximity trope. ‘only ten one bed oops’ trope, imprisonment. slowest burn. a dash of questionable and/or morally grey intentions. extremely toxic relationships.

This version of TASM Peter is not canon. The relationships and characters here are not healthy.

Please don't date a mob boss.

18+ You’re responsible for your own media consumption, but if you can't name the Mambo #5 women then gtfo.

a/n - Originally this chapter and the next were intended to be one part, but the word count was far too long. I encourage you to read them together! Read this one first! Also, it might be fun to listen to the official Sugar and Vice playlist on Spotify for the next two chapters.

Back to Part 10.

Part 11

What does it mean to be pulled apart?

Peter knew. He was experiencing it first-hand.

It was glorious.

Heaven was the only thing he could think of, and he wasn’t even sure he believed such a place existed. But if it did, it would be here—in between the thighs of the woman he’d die for. 

She looked so delicate beneath him. So tiny against the black ocean of silk sheets in his bed. Her arms were outstretched, a black-leather cuff binding each wrist. Her legs were also spread wide. The sight was breathtakingly lewd—body trembling, goosefleshed, inner thighs dripping wet. He loved the way her hips squirmed beneath his hands. It made it even more fun to hold her down. 

Keep reading

[tempest-in-ateapot]

i’m so so normal abt oct 3’s entries.

many people have already made some really in depth and beautiful posts abt it so i’m not contributing much but i need to rant bc Oh My God

-dracula quoting genesis???????? dracula quoting adam’s spontaneous poetry upon the sight of eve??? ‘flesh of my flesh; bone of my bone’????? the shit quoted in every christian love song, pulling on the original first husband and wife in christian theology??? all while assaulting mina in a not so subtle SA allusion???? holy shit

-i love repurposing that account and those quotes as much as the next ex christian, especially with queer love, so while i do not share the same exact feelings as a christian abt its usage here, it fucking horrified me. i know what you’re implying here dracula and you need to get staked fr.

-i’m still talking abt this point bc i Keep Thinking Abt It. his quoting of adam here is also not wrong? i mean it’s Wrong, and horrifying. but it’s not inaccurate to the situation bc adam, with ‘flesh of my flesh’ is in reference to eve being born of his own rib. literally born of his flesh. dracula is forcing mina to drink his blood, and he’s already drunk hers. screaming crying shaking etc

-jonathan hearing what happened and Immediately getting up to kill the count, despite probably still being Not Entirely There after being hypnotized and also. you know. retraumatized. and softening when mina begs for him to stay. the tenderness he has stroking her hair and holding her all the while fantasizing abt murder. obsessed. wtf

-just jonathan today tbh. everyone’s already cried over ‘the holiest love’ line obv. willing to damn himself for her so she won’t be alone as a monster. the kissing of the forehead scar. the violence he’s ready to commit for his wife.

-again ex christian. specifically a christian cult survivor with a Lot of personal feelings of vampirism as a concept, bc of how it parallels my own experience with deconversion and shunning by my family. i too was Once Like You, but now i am some monster in the form of your loved one you treat as dead, with the ability to prey on and turn my loved ones. i too want you corrupted, to join my side. i’d been warned of these monsters my whole life, the very ones my parents believe stole me from them. my cult is also obsessed with ‘the blood is life’ concept, to the point of worshipping it and all but turning it into an idol. i have Weird Feelings abt blood. anyways mina being like ‘we have to pity the count, even if he’s a monster, bc what if i turn into a monster? what then? will you not pity me?’ girl me too

-RENFIELD. YOU DESERVED BETTER. i’ve never been institutionalized so i can’t speak on that aspect but oh my god his trying to warn everyone abt the monster he once worshipped - absolutely gut wrenching as a cult survivor. i can totally see renfield, vulnerable as he was (not just mentally ill, but denied autonomy and abused by the asylum and its doctors) falling for dracula’s lines the way a new cult convert falls for a cult’s line - we promise you safety, and power, and love, which you have no or limited access as you are. we promise you change and happiness and belonging. but the deeper you sink the more you realize you’ve been manipulated, the great danger you are in, but it’s too late. you’ve cut people off. you’ve spent too much time. you can’t be wrong. oh god what have you done

[troiings]

I'm not mad that I visited your blog after a while and saw this influx of beautiful ladies, fanart and of course no shortage of Tissaia. I've said it again, but Myanna Buring in this role is a blessing and her rendition should be taught in acting masterclasses.

MyAnna should just teach acting masterclasses honestly. A theater friend who watched like the first episode and nothing else back in season 1 started s2 and suddenly texted me one day "I understand now. I get why you like the one lady so much. The ACTING."

we all gathered for a bonfire and smores soon after and sat and watched Tissaia's early scenes (as well as Jaskier's song, because holy shit the acting during that scene) and friend who had no prior investment in myanna just (when geralt and tissaia meet on the battlefield) "look! look at her! who loves [yennefer] more? it's her. the turn! she's choosing to be vulnerable!"

me: *fans self* look at me I've taken part in the creation of a slut for ms buring

[minkkumaz]

my love omg :(( i am literally swooning at the way you wrote all of this. the language you used was beyond beautiful and so descriptive i felt so immersed it's crazy omg. the paragraphs in the beginning before the dialogue made me frown so hard because of how thought out they were.

'even if the unknown tore you apart, everything within your reach was more than enough.' do you hear me crying despite our hundreds of miles in distance, because UGH. i can tell how hard you worked on this ml because i am definitely feeling every feeling you poured into this.

an extremely audible gasp left my lips when reader was walking towards the bench and saw DONGMIN in the flesh, right there. the fucking audacity this man has it's literally our bench… and oh my god the comparison from how reader was feeling to how you had previously described the atmosphere in the park. goodbye i will do a backfip off a cliff.

this new poser ass fucking bitchass girl better watch her back before i send nukes to her house and lace all her drinks with every drug imaginable. i am not sorry for her if she just so happens to drop dead and fucking die at my feet.

this is the kind of scenario where i should be mad at dongmin since technically it's not her fault but i am choosing anger while i read this so she can get a sorry taste of the fucking poison that min previously drugged me with.

but the whole conversation between min and reader brought genuine tears to my eyes. she's being so vulnerable to him and he's just staring at her like it's nothing?? remind me to never turn my back to a sexy mf because he will tear out my heart, followed by all of my organs, pull some bftd shit and then walk away like nothing even happened. i truly am feeling all the emotions right now because this bitch would get a right hook in the face if he tried to pull some silly shit like that.

and especially when he MOCKED reader, he's such a fucking asshole i'm getting more emotional in a sense that i'm pissed rather than sad. i want him so bad, and honestly this whole confession is hitting really personal to my toothpick era (fuck that punk ass bitch) but every word that comes out of his sorry mouth makes me want to punch a wall holy shit. 'we’re nothing now, and we were nothing before. you never said it was a problem, so what do you even want?' i'm very vividly picturing this scenario in my head and if THE han dongmin said this to me i genuinely would not be able to contain myself. i do not know how you come up with these lines because they're just so true to the situation; especially with him being lowkey toxic on his end. i'd ask who hurt you but we both know the man in question has been grinding his minecraft xp farms and playing piggy on roblox... anyways

'this seriously doesn't matter, so get over it. talk to me when you've come to your senses.' and this line.... i exploded right there. no more words, just tears and the remains of my heart juices splattered on the floor. from beginning to end the way you wrote this genuinely left me speechless. i genuinely cannot fathom how obsessed i am with how you executed this. you brought more out of the song in a way, and am literally just so AUUAHFGJKHB. the lyrics from the song are so sad, but theres sort of an up beat instrumental if that makes sense, and the way you described the atmosphere made it sound so calming; just for the scenario in question to hit you like a fucking truck.

i can confirm i am standing in the street waiting to get ran over by a car willingly. how you were able to villainize one of the most perfect men on this planet is beyond me, because while i only think good thoughts of min, this fic literally changed me. it honestly made me realize that everyone has a selfish side. and i feel like the sort of frustration you expressed through him (like how he was literally rolling his eyes so hard bc reader was RIGHTFULLY upset with him) was so.. real. like i don't know how else to explain it. and the way some of the sentences at the end were foreshadowed in the beginning.. like how you mentioned that he protected reader from their flame but also extinguished it in the end. get out that makes me so emotional i'm gonna slam a door on my fingers.

i can imagine how hard it would be for reader to try to embark on new relationships after this, having noted that her flame almost seems unable to be reignited. this is where we have a part 2 rebound fic idk though.. anyways i can put aside the fact that i gaslighted myself into thinking you were writing something else, because this just made me so happy and so depressed in a matter of minutes. i'm so hurt by dongmin and if i ever see that man in real life we are going to square up in a fucking boxing arena because he just made me so ANGRY. this was so lovely i'm so proud that you were able to get this done, especially since it's been.. lingering... for awhile. ahahaha laugh track no but seriously you did such a good job. (p.s the amount of cuss words in this reblog could probably fill a dictionary that is how seriously passionate i am about this)

linger

synopsis — being wrapped around dongmin’s finger had a price, one you never thought you’d have to pay.

pairing — situationship!han dongmin x gn!reader

genre — angst

warnings — cheating-ish, reader is somewhat ‘blinded by love’ (until they aren’t)

word count — 2.2k

notes — this was inspired by linger by the cranberries ! hope you guys enjoy <3 (i also listened to all too well 10 min version a majority of the time i wrote this so thats also a half-decent alternative)

the magnetic force that pulled you towards dongmin was inexplicable. there was something that both your heart and mind couldn’t resist—something that made him so alluring. it was as if all of the desire in the world was concentrated within the cells of his skin; even a mere brush against him harnessed the ability to spread his beautiful poison.

akin to most others, you couldn’t resist the temptation of beauty, even if it was tainted. once you’d pricked your finger on the venomous spindle, you fell into an everlasting slumber; one that took on the form of han dongmin.

your days resembled a night’s dream by virtue of dongmin’s new presence in your life. his aura exuded tranquility, and it seeped into your own. still moments were common with him, which led you to what you felt was a well-needed state of peace. you had thought that he symbolized what was constantly missing from your life: grounding.

in your eyes, he was nothing short of shade that shielded you from the blistering heat of a summer day. he reeled you back in when you’d float too high, forbidding you from suffocating in the fog of the clouds. he protected you from your own flame, preventing it from growing too big. he had provided a piece of himself that you never had yourself.

although he completed your puzzle, you had not the slightest idea of if you completed his. while all of your barriers were broken, his were built with the strongest steel. beyond the shield of his smile was something you couldn’t fathom, something out of your bounds.

even if the unknown tore you apart, everything within your reach was more than enough. he’d always put you back together with the kiss of his lips, and keep you whole with the intertwining of his fingers with yours. ignorance had brought you bliss, serving it to you on a gold-plated platter.

for all of everything intimate about you and dongmin, there wasn’t a label that you could plaster onto the two of you. there was nothing stronger than ‘we’ or ‘us’ that could define you. you teetered between ‘something’ and ‘nothing’, and you hoped for nothing more than to be something.

something was a craving that you couldn’t satisfy. something kept you up at night, and it occupied every one of your dreams, whether it be under the sun or moon. something was what carried you to the same park you and dongmin had met at, strolling in your lonesome on the same rock path two seasons later.

you were there in early spring, minutes before you and dongmin had met. you were walking through the path for a much different reason then, unaware of the meaning it’d hold months later.

you had found a wooden bench, putting your walk on pause as you sat down. you listened to the sounds of spring; the songs of birds, the march breeze, the families enjoying the day, and the crunch of the rocks becoming louder as someone had made their way towards you.

the moment you had turned your head to look was when your whole world shifted without you knowing. it was then that dongmin had made his very first appearance out of many in your life, and flashed you a very first smile in the same manner.

now, more than half a year later, it was you who was smiling at the memory. you stared down at the rock path, now covered in the warm autumn leaves. the sound of the crunch beneath your feet was different, each step leaving behind crushed leaves instead of dirtied rocks. everything had changed over the seasons, but the picture-perfect visual had stayed the same.

as you neared the bench you held close to your heart, your spirits lowered as you spotted a couple seated on it. they had their hands entwined, and you could hear them laughing together. you felt an envious pang in your chest, wanting nothing more than to be there with dongmin.

your steps became lighter, the couple’s conversation gradually becoming clearer. your face grew pale as you slowly came to a horrifying realization: you could recognize the boy’s voice anywhere—it was the same voice that belonged to the same boy you were there because of, the same voice that charmed you on that same bench months ago.

even with your silent begs for it to not be true, your heart dropped as his face came into view. dongmin was there, sat on the very bench your story had begun on, but with another girl; one that wasn’t—and would never be—you.

in that moment, your whole world shifted again, but you could feel it this time. you could feel your heart get crushed in the same way the leaves did, and you could feel your whole body go cold in the same way the autumn air was.

you felt heavy, heavy in a way that weighed you down both mentally and physically. your sorrow surpassed your feelings of envy by tenfold, and your feet felt too sunken into the ground to move. you weren’t nearly strong enough to, yet you were forced to carry the sudden baggage of everything that their simple gesture held.

that simple gesture that held the whole universe to you was so easily thrown out the window. what you knew now broke you, and what used to keep you whole was the culprit. knowledge brought you grief, serving it to you on a rusted platter.

everything felt all too familiar, and it scared you. it felt like a sick, twisted repeat of your meeting in march, and you didn’t know what you did to deserve it. you swore that you didn’t do anything to hurt him, yet he walked all over you as if you were the rock path.

“dongmin?” the vulnerability in your voice was clear, but his expression wasn’t.

dongmin sighed, and looked at the girl next to him. she was perplexed but compliant when dongmin slipped his hand out of hers, standing up. “i’ll be right back.”

as soon as he stood, he signaled you to follow him before walking off. you quickly began to trudge after him, guilt rising inside of you. you fiddled with your fingers, now regretting your confrontation.

dongmin led you far enough to where the bench was still in sight, but the abandoned girl wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation. as soon as he stopped, he turned to you, expression blank.

“what?” he stared you down, running a hand through his hair. when you didn’t say anything, he crossed his arms. “what’s the problem?”

you were just as dumbfounded as that girl; you thought it was clear as day why you were upset. “why—why were you holding her hand?”

he deadpanned. “i still don’t get it. why is that a problem?” his voice was painfully monotone, and for the first time, there was nothing beyond the surface.

he wasn’t upset with you, and that only pained you more. he didn’t care one bit, and that displayed just how little everything meant to him. even if he didn’t give it a second thought, you were still in so deep. even now, all you wanted was to be with him.

“because we’re a thing! we’re—” you stopped yourself short, realizing your mistake. you rewound to the sole reason you went to the park, the blood draining out of your face.

something; the one thing you never got from him. the one thing you endlessly longed for, but never came to fruition. your relationship with dongmin was the one bud that never blossomed back in spring, remaining dormant for months as if it were frozen in time.

the day you met dongmin was the closest to something you had ever gotten from him, and you were desperate to just feel as if you had it. you knew you’d never have it in your grasp, but even just the touch of your fingertips would be enough. instead of that, you were forced upon the truth; something that you never knew you’d face.

dongmin quirked an eyebrow. “we were never a thing,” he smiled at you, but it didn’t hold the same meaning it usually did. rather than comforting, it was mocking. for once, he resembled the dark surrounding the light; not the other way around.

all you could do was stand there, eyes slowly welling with tears. you hated that you were such a fool for him, almost as much as you hated how you were such a fool for the idea of being with him.

“god, don’t cry,” he sighed, throwing his head back lazily. “we’re nothing now, and we were nothing before. you never said it was a problem, so what do you even want?”

“you! i just want you!” your voice broke as your tears began to flow, emotions letting loose. “i always did, and i still do!”

“well, you have me—”

“obviously not, because if i did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now!” you were near yelling, but you couldn’t care less if people could hear. dongmin was the only problem you cared about, and you wanted to fight to solve him.

silence hung in the air, and everything felt frozen. the only thing that moved was dongmin’s chest, rising up then down while he breathed, each breath deeper than the last. even now, your moments with dongmin were still, except you felt all but at peace.

“this is insane—you’re insane,” dongmin breathed out, looking away so his face was against the breeze. “this seriously doesn’t matter, so get over it. talk to me when you’ve come to your senses.”

you and the silence broke all the same, rending further as he walked past you. his footsteps rang in your ears, and they were louder than anything you’ve ever heard. his departure was deafening, and your puddles of tears were blinding.

you felt suffocated, more by the loss of dongmin than the loss of your senses. he was everything to you, and you lost him over something. you were as upset at yourself as you were at him; you wondered how you could be so mindless. you thought nothing could go wrong, but in the end, everything did.

everything you couldn’t fathom about dongmin didn’t exist. every barrier he had built was translucent, and beyond it was nothing. every smile he gave you didn’t mean anything, since everything behind it was nothing. the previously unknown was nothing, because that was what you truly meant to him.

he ripped a chunk out of you that you’d never get back, leaving it to be nothing. nothing was what was left of your heart; what once beat was broken by the boy it thrived for. nothing would be a taunt; a constant reminder that that was what you were to dongmin all along.

in reality, he was nothing short of the one rain cloud on a perfectly sunny day. he cut your wings, forbidding you from leaving the ground he cursed. he extinguished your flame, making it nearly impossible to reignite it. the piece of himself he provided to you before was now a parasite, intoxicating you from the inside out.

even in your sorrow-drunk daze, you knew that you had woken up from the dream that was too good to be. you escaped the everlasting slumber, and the spell was finally broken. although, your cure wasn’t a fairytale’s true love’s kiss; it was something of the opposite nature.

dongmin’s ‘beautiful’ poison had finally caught up to you, and it was less pretty than you’d thought it was. even so, you still couldn’t resist the temptation, even if he was irreversibly tainted. you wished for just one more look at your nightmare disguised as a daydream, so you made it come true.

you turned around, and your tear-blurred eyes trained on dongmin like it was a second nature. as if it were a third, you focused on his hand, intertwined with another. you didn’t have to question who it was, as the answer came as a fourth. you could almost ignore the feeling of your heart break at the thought, as it’d broken enough times for it to be a first nature.

you felt all but wanted, and in its place was the burning pain of feeling used. beyond your pain was everything that you couldn’t get rid of, including dongmin’s strong presence in your heart. you were still wrapped around his finger, despite the scars you’d always have to carry because of him. you knew that—even though there was nothing left—something would always linger.

© woonhakist 2023

[allwaswell16]

{Recently Read 1D Fics}

September 2021

These are all the One Direction fics I read and enjoyed in September. There are 17 recs here in all! You can listen to my podcast to hear me talk about each of these fics as well as an overview of what was posted on ao3 in September including the fics on this month’s fic roundup which you can find here! Please let the writers know if you liked the fics by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

Fanfictional Podcast #29 | ko-fi | fic recs

-Larry-

Hold You Now by @solvetheminourdreams

(M, 131k, ex-fwb, British Louis, American Harry, PR specialist to freelancer Harry, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, consultant to recruiter Louis, travel, slow burn, flashbacks, pining, lack of communication, no cheating, mild smut, a MUST READ emotional journey)

Three years ago, Harry Styles said goodbye to communications consultancy firm McQuiston Worldwide, leaving a life of travel and agency PR behind.

Know a Trick or Two by SadaVeniren / @sadaveniren

(E, 44k, Harry Potter au, magic, mpreg, one night stand, accidental pregnancies, mpreg Louis, mpreg Harry, muggle Harry, wizard Louis, quidditch player Louis, time jump, kid fic, Hogwarts, smut, so much fun!)

the one where Muggle Harry and Wizard Louis have a one night stand and get more than they bargained out of it.

Compass to my Soul by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(T, 31k, canon, a/b/o, omega Louis, alpha Harry, touring, angst, hurt/comfort, omega drop, touch deprivation, alcohol, cuddling, miscommunication, nesting, touring, no smut, I cried the whole way through because Louis is so vulnerable and sad, help I'm sad just thinking about it but also I loved it)

Louis Tomlinson, omega, is 1/5 of world famous boy band One Direction. He spends his time hoping his bandmates don’t notice him.

Not Ready for This by @berzerkshires

(E, 18k, kid fic, single parent Louis, single parent Harry, dual pov, summer, secret relationship, smut, loved the dialogue and they were having way too much fun sneaking around lol)

Louis and Harry are both single fathers and their children decide to go out on a date.

Man, Deconstructed by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 13k, sculptor Harry, artist Harry, strangers to lovers, misunderstandings, mistaken identity, stress baker Harry, disaster gay Harry, embarrassing situation, meet cute kind of lol, smut, bh, this was absolutely hilarious and embarrassing lol)

the one where a well-meaning best mate, a sculpture-worthy arse, and a heaping dose of misunderstanding combine to create sheer and utter chaos, and also, maybe, the best thing Harry’s ever found.

One Vote Can Rock the Boat by @2tiedships2

(M, 12k, a/b/o, alpha Harry, omega Louis, protective Harry, strangers to lovers, NYC, placing bets, oral sex, knotting, smut, whew this was hot)

the one where Omega Louis shows off his “I voted” sticker as one of the first 100 customers to get a free vibrator. The beautiful alpha behind the counter informs him that he’s customer 101.

My Sun and Stars, Moon of my Life by@ohharold

(M, 7k, Game of Thrones au, arranged marriage, dragons, fantasy, violence, mpreg Harry, smut, never read/saw GOT but this was very cool)

Harry was used to the luxuries of Kings Landing and then Pentos but when his brother is desperate for the crown he is entitled to, Harry must be part of an arranged marriage to a ruthless Khal of a Dothraki tribe.

baby I'll never leave (if you keep holding me this way) by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

(T, 6k, lockdown au, teacher Louis, baker Harry, strangers to lovers, accidental breaking and entering, motorcycle, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, no smut, so lovely)

It is singing. Whoever is trying to rob him is in his kitchen, singing an eighties pop song under their breath. And they made cookies?

Call Me, Beep Me, If You Wanna Reach Me by therogueskimo

(NR, 6k, uni au, Brits in the U.S., strangers to lovers, first date, first kiss, embarrassing situation, pining, humor, Siri, so cute and funny)

“Will Harry Styles ever text me?” Louis looked back at Liam and Liam just smirked at him.

Birthday Princess by @kingsofeverything

(E, 4k, bartender Louis, Harry's birthday, alcohol, micropenis, oral sex, meet cute, semi-public sex, car sex, smut, funny and sweet and hot all at the same time)

Harry celebrates his birthday with Blow Jobs (and Slippery Nipples and Sex on the Beach) and drunkenly propositions the bartender in the bathroom.

Scent Partner by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose

(E, 4k, a/b/o, alpha Louis, omega Harry, strangers to lovers, pwp, heat, scenting, smut, meep!)

If both parties agree, they meet at a heat room for the omega’s heat.

The Cake Fairy by @homosociallyyours

(G, 2k, Harry/Louis, baking, flirting, slice of life, baker Harry, fluff, cute and fun!)

When Louis' attempt at making a Barbie princess cake is a huge, messy fail, Liam suggests he call in The Cake Fairy.

truth or dare by @jaerie

(E, 2k, strangers to lovers, truth or dare, alcohol, size difference, micropenis, size kink, smut, woah holy shit lol)

Harry likes small dicks. He finds a stranger that has one.

Take Me Home by SunTomato / @sun-tomato

(NR, 2k, uni au, roommates, banter, ot5, friendship, time jumps, no smut, really sweet)

Moving house sucks. Of course, it doesn’t help that, while the four of them had been trying to divide and pack everything before the deadline this weekend, Louis had spent his time unpacking it again.

The Bachelors and the Bachelorette by @turnyourankle

(NR, 2k, Bachelorette au, fake relationship, ficlet, shower sex, smut, hot and fun!)

With little left to do Harry and Louis both signed up to be contestant on the Bachelorette.

-Tomlinshaw-

the next bit was spanners to my plan by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(T, 6k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw, canon, fwb kind of, casual sex, secret relationship, no explicit smut, communication issues, texting, ah such great Tomlinshaw banter and dynamic!)

Louis and Nick end up shagging on the sly, everyone sends far too many emojis and far too few words, and eventually they're going to have to sort themselves out.

-Zouis-

driver's license by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

(T, 6k, Zayn/Louis, enemies to lovers, bed sharing, snow storm, winter, misunderstandings, banter, Canada, Louis pov, alcohol, demisexuality, unresolved tension, no smut, obsessed with this)

Louis is taking the exam to get his driver’s licence for the 3rd time (okay, sue him), and the examiner keeps getting under his skin, until they suddenly get stranded in the middle of a snow storm, and have to learn to cooperate.

[letkanatasayfuck]

my top 10 paralive songs in no particular order

hello!! i thought i'd rank my faves before the new content drops in the summer!! so let's go!!

#1 - PARADISE // BAE ft. ISSA: oh man, i LOVE this one. it's feel-good, it's summer party vibes, it's catchy and smooth and everyone blends together SO well in it!! i think the english-japanese mash is super well-done in this song, it literally makes me feel like i'm being called out to have fun and get swept off my feet

#2 - GOOD TIME // COZMES ft. SKY-HI: SKY-HI'S PART ABSOLUTELY SLAPS. OH MY GOD. I COULD LISTEN TO THAT ON REPEAT FOREVER. kanata and nayuta kick off really strong too like holy shit??? i know there are people who don't like that monotone style or too much repetition but it's really soothing to me!! AND THEY DESERVE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AFTER ALL THE SHIT THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH!!

#3 - JUMPING INTO MY WORLD // Lollipop*universe: you would not BELIEVE the serotonin rush this song gives me . . . it's catchy, it's easy to sing along to, and you can really get a taste of everyone's personal styles, which i think is super cool! and they all genuinely sound like they're having so much fun singing it!! (plus the mv is absolutely adorable LMAO)

#4 - CALL FOR FAMILIEZ // AKANYATSURA: this . . . this song hurts my heart . . . it's so GOOD but it's so PAINFUL and i love it so much!! i get so hyped up for reo's part, i always sing the "FAMILIA" along with him LMFAO. and i really like how his singing contrasts with the flow of the song!! it makes it much catchier imo. iori's part also really sells it for me bc. well. ajksdljkadaDJK i do not think i need to say anymore than that!!!

#5 - GIRAGIRA CANDY NIGHT // CLUB CANDY: this song fucks!! it fucks hard!! like if it had a physical body it would do unspeakable things!! once again iori's voice comes out on top like UGH the way he sings <333 also that part where everyone comes together one after the other?? i LOVE that it's so cool!!

#6 - Why do you like me? // Beauty & Beast: okay anyone who says they don't like this song HAS to be lying. like. the others are all my personal opinion but the objective truth for "Why do you like me" is that it is perfect!! it's so pretty and soothing and the VULNERABILITY that anne shows in it . . .

#7 - CHILLIN' // HOKUSAI WITH AKANKYATTSURA: this one also brings me serotonin but in like!! a chill way!! reo's part also reminds me of how he is in "CALL FOR FAMILIEZ" in that it goes against how everyone else usually matches the flow, and i love that!! also the little "HAI SANSEI" in the bg are so cute?? this song just makes me feel better about myself and life in general tbh it's a lovely reminder to slow down and relax

#8 - WAVIN' FLAG // BAE: wavin' flag literally sounds like it belongs in a fantasy rebellion overthrow-the-government movie. like. it's THAT powerful. everything about it goes so hard and i have a lot of respect bc of that!! also it's just really catchy and another fun one to sing along with LMAO

#9 - For my Stella // VISTY: another song that i'm pretty sure nobody hates LMFAO. it's so bright and fun and lovely and the mv is very pretty to watch!! also aoi's part is so soothing wtf. i want them and reo just fucking up songs with their contrasts and blowing everyone else out of the water

#10 - EMBLEM // BAE + BURAIKAN IS BACK // BURAIKAN: okay so . . . i kind of cheated with this one bc i really could not decide between the two LMFAO. emblem is so sweet and fun and i love singing along to it, and the confidence boost it gives me helps a lot!! plus the mv is so aesthetically pleasing like wtf. buraikan is back is like. weirdly seductive and haunting and dark and it sucks you in like a black hole. plus the fact that the music is used for the intro videos??? IT'S SUCH A STRONG WAY TO INTRODUCE PPL LIKE WTF

[thickania]

So... I finished the album and I gotta say is not what I expected, I knew that Demi loves rock music for a long time, but when they said they were doing a rock album a thought that it would be a very Disney-ish rock album, like, I keep forgetting that she's grown😅

One of the few criticism that I have, some of these songs should've been longer, and some of this songs for me, they were more of a grower. HELP ME(Feat. Dead Sara) is a example, like it took me a few times to like it.

The songs HAPPY ENDING, DEAD FRIENDS, and 4EVER 4ME made ugly cry, this songs were so beautiful and I love when Demi is just vulnerable... I think this is what I like about them, they always were extremely vulnerable and honest with their feelings, and now that they are actually taking the treatment seriously, and actually trying to put the work, she's just sounding better.

BONES, HEAVEN, HOLY FVCK and COME TOGETHER are so fun to listen to, I don't know why I like it so much, I love mixing christianity with sex and sexual feelings, i love this idea of being blasphemous.

FREAK is basically Demi going "I'm weird, I'm a weirdo, I don't fit in, and I don't want to fit in" the song is okay, i usually like this type of music, i just did not care for YUNGBLUD, even though I like some of his songs...i don't know, i didn't care much for this song, maybe it will grow on me

SKIN OF MY TEETH and WASTED are a good explanation on addiction, and how it works, which by the way, I'm so glad that Demi's finally talking about addiction but on a realistic way. Even though I admire them and what they overcame, i always felt weird that they always showed their addiction with this "well I chose to be sober so I became sober" tyyoe of way, like it's a magic wand that will heal you almost immediately, and you are going to love happily ever after.... I FUCKING WISH, honey is a battle, is hard work, is a lot of therapy, is ups and downs, is disappointing people, is disappointing yourself, is relapsing, is crying every night trying to force yourself to choose a path, even though, you addiction wants to fuck you over, is like having a abusive friendship with your brain, is very weird ... I'm pretty sure their old team was selling this image about them, especially considering, that majority of their fans were children and teens at the time, which i get, but I prefer this way.

I absolutely love love love when Demi is shady, especially because people will just hate them no matter what. 29, EAT ME and HELP ME was just a big fuck you to everyone. Like, i have a though that is a little controversial, i think that sometimes celebrities need to be a little mean with some people. Sure, joking about celebrities is fun and all, but some people go way overboard. Demi received death threats, rape threats, there was people who were saying that they should be ganged raped so they could learn how to behave. People saying that she would be better dead. I don't think it would be wrong if celebrities gave the same energy, I'm not saying that they should tell people to kill themselves, but they could throw a "your mom" joke once in a while.

CITY OF ANGELS... I don't have much to say except THOSE VOCAAAAAAAAAAAAALS OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!

Like I'm rambling at this point, but I'm genuinely surprised with this album, it's sounds really good, i think in the entire album there was only 2 songs that i didn't care about (HELP ME AND FREAK) but the rest of it it was just so good and fun. And Demi's vocals are INSANE, HOLY FUCKING SHIT and the instrumental was amazing. Demi sounded so fresh, it was a very good surprising album, and I want more of it

[aliceblisss]

Spencer catches midsize reader dancing along to a sexy song and gets embarrassed because her tummy jiggles and sticks out 😩

If u want!

OMG YES! I love!! Tysm for this request!

I am not plus size or midsize myself but I wanna try my best to give you guys the representation y’all deserve!! So if I step out of line or say something offensive do not hesitate to let me know!

I’m gonna do this in third person to capture both povs.

——————————————————————————

It’s been a long day for her. She’s tired and all she wants to do is get comfortable and put on some music.

She puts on a random playlist and pours herself some wine. She takes off her bra and lets out a long sigh of relief. She changes into a comfy crop top and pajama shorts. She lets her hair down and massages her scalp to release the tension that had built up during the day.

She dances around her home freely, swaying to the music, letting go of all the stress. She’s alone, so she doesn’t care how silly she might look, she feels amazing.

Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande comes on and the rhythm takes over her body completely. As she dances she starts to get more and more into the song. She sways her hips, flips her hair, runs her hands through her body and begins to feel unbelievably sexy.

Every insecurity suddenly escapes from her mind. She forgets every negative feeling towards her own body in that moment as she dances unapologetically to the music; she even starts to sing along.

The music is so loud she doesn’t realize her boyfriend, Spencer, had gotten in using his key. And her eyes being closed, she didn’t notice when he simply stood there, amazed by the sight before him.

He was awestruck by her beauty in such a natural and vulnerable state. He’d seen her naked before of course, plenty of times. But it was the first time he’d seen her be so free.

His eyes scanned her face, her neck, her breasts, her tummy, her butt, her thighs, her legs. Her whole body moved to the music, every inch, and he loved it.

To him this was the sexiest he’d ever seen her. But the moment was quickly over when she opened her eyes and was startled to see him standing there.

“Holy shit! Spence you scared me!” She yelled at him, her face flushed red.

He chuckled, “I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t wanna stop you”

Suddenly all the insecurities that had left her mind started flooding back. She instinctively pulled her shirt down to cover her belly.

Spencer noticed this and walked towards her, he gently took her hands and took them off the hem of her shirt. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I just,” she couldn’t meet his gaze, “nothing, it’s nothing. I’m just startled that’s all”

He leaned down to find her eyes with a look on his face that read, I’m not buyin’ it.

She recognized this look and knew that he knew something was wrong. She sighed, feeling defeated. “I didn’t want you to see me like this”

She thought of the clothes she had on, how unflattering she believed they looked. How embarrassed she was because he must’ve seen her tummy and body jiggle. Her eyes started watering.

“Hey hey hey,” Spencer was quick to grab her face and shower it with kisses all over. He hated to see her cry. “See you like what baby? You look beautiful”

“You’re just saying that” she sniffled.

“No I’m not. I loved seeing you dance. You looked so free and sexy. And I love your body and how it moves. It’s beautiful, you’re beautiful” he reassured her sweetly.

He then got on his knees and started peppering kissed all around her arms, her tummy, her thighs. This tickled her and made her giggle.

He looked up to see her smiling and whispered, “There she is”

She got down on her knees and kissed him passionately. He wrapped his arms around her body and she began to feel beautiful again, just like she did just moments ago when she was dancing.

She figured that if he worshiped her body, she should too.