#but heavy bleeding is the bigger issue bc nothing stops it

[stephanleyhes]

How people actually work on their periods like??

[ms-hells-bells]

Biggest red flags of endometriosis and what I suffer

These are by no means all of the symptoms, but they are considered the largest factors in considering whether someone has endo, and whether they should continue down the route of endo diagnosis and treatment. If you feel like you can relate to even a few of these, write them down and your experiences, and go to a doctor (best if a gyno), even if your symptoms are embarrassing to talk about. Some of the stuff I’m mentioning is going to be in embarrassing detail, but I’m doing it partially as a journal to myself, and partially so that others with the same symptoms feel they’re not alone and that it’s not normal.

Disclaimer- these are pre-depo provera. Been on depo 2 months.

Menstrual Pain: Used to be extremely severe, eased up recently, could return again. Started approximately 6 months after starting my period at 14, went on oral birth control, alleviated symptom, went off BC at 18, pain returned a few months later. The pain was debilitating, radiated from my abdomen up to my collarbone and down to my shins, felt in every nerve in my body, could barely walk. Reduced a few months after turning 20 - age, diet? Still pains, including ovulation cramps, not as bad.

Nausea/queasiness: Mild to severe episodes every few months, lasting from days to weeks. Need medication to eat and function. First occurred at 10-11 (pre-period, endo symptoms can start pre-period) for 6 months every day, then disappeared. Returned at intervals at 13-14. Went on BC. Returned at 18, coinciding with approximate time of stopping BC, not sure of exact timing. Ongoing, treated with meds and diet. Rare to vomit, but can happen. Blood tests, endoscopy, ultrasound, biopsies, stool samples have found nothing.

Constipation/difficult bowel movements/GI: Ongoing for years. Only defecate twice a week or so unless using med/natural laxatives. Good intake of fibre, drink enough fluids, not sure of cause. Worsened by dairy and bread, I cut those out. May have had anal fissures, no exam so not sure. Still have pain when waste is solid despite months of healing and laxatives (feijoas are the best aid for me, without any side effects). Defecating feels like razor blades are inside me. May be chronic fissure that needs surgery, or could be endo scarring. Painful movements can be accompanied by blood and body tissue (endo tissue?) in stool.

Bleeding: Menstruation is very heavy, but with very little tissue and virtually no clots (note: heavy clots and tissue are also signs of endo). Why so much pain with no clots? Trying to remove something that it can’t? Lose around 125-150mL of blood each period. Will menstruate every 14 days, for 5 days. Resulting chronic anaemia (being dealt with via BC and supplements)

Pain during sex: Pain regarding penetration. Noticed at 13-14. Little issue with tampons, any bigger hurts. Sex was highly painful despite foreplay, relaxation, and ample natural and artificial lubrication. Continued to be this painful post-first time. Do not think it’s a hymen issue or vaginismus (I am very relaxed and comfortable when it comes to sex and masturbation). Pain regarding penetration has very slightly eased up after a couple of years of using a menstrual cup, but is still there and have no idea whether sex would be less painful (have not been sexually active in 2 years). Tested STI free.

Neuropathy (nerve pain): Potentially. Have frequently painful rib nerve, but unlikely to be related unless at level IV endo, with severe scar tissue spread. Likely from partial muscle atrophy (chronic pinched nerve). Random brief pain in legs and abdomen. Occur for a few seconds, aching pain (feel like in the bone), then disappears. Though it was normal, like pins and needles, but may not be. Random pain nerves spark up. Usually shins, knees, lower-mid abdomen (not cramps!). Hard to know how often since it is so normal that I ignore it. Constant back pain, pulling pain in back nerves daily, random pain everywhere in back. Sometimes ache from walking (NORMAL), but sometimes sharp pains while sitting or lying down (NOT NORMAL). May be from partial atrophy, may be from endo. Note: endometrial-like tissue doesn’t just attack organs, it can cause pulling of nerves and even attach to nerves themselves

Fertility: Unknown. Very young, so too soon to know/unlikely to know if I don’t have and don’t want children. Note: endo commonly causes fertility issues and even de facto sterility if severe enough

Fatigue: Very common, improved with diet and supplements (iron, B12, etc.). Could be many different things, but can be caused by endo. Take into consideration with the many other symptoms. 

Genetics: Mother had painful periods, not in enough contact to ask her about details. Younger sister has very painful periods, put on BC, but it didn’t help. Have little to no other female relatives to ask. Note: if your mother or sister has endo/what sounds like endo, you are 6 times more likely to have endo

Bloating/diet: Had severe bloating for years, still get it. Developed it terribly from dairy in teenage years, improved after cutting out dairy. Also worsens from bread, so cut most bread out. Great improvement. Can’t eat dried fruits (sorbitol)- lots of bloating and pain. Can’t drink highly carbonated drinks like coke, sprite, etc. More mildly carbonated drinks are okay. Caffeine increases menstrual cramps, cut it out, improved. High fat/fast foods cause nausea and bloating. All of the above a bit better after going vegan. Still get some bloating, especially when constipated. Have gas trapped “endo belly” often, stomach gets round and firm to touch with gas. Blood tests say no gluten intolerance, confident in lactose intolerance (especially after going vegan, your intolerance gets worse after a while). Note: endometriosis significantly increases sensitivity to inflammation causing foods such as dairy, red meat, wheat, caffeine, gluten, oils, fats, fast food , and others. These foods can cause more inflamed endo and therefore worse menstrual symptoms. Try elimination dieting to see if cutting out any of these improves symptoms.

That’s what I have so far. There are likely many smaller symptoms that weren’t present in the book I read (eg, skin issues), but these are the “IF YOU HAVE A FEW OF THESE, ASK YOU DOCTOR ABOUT ENDO” symptoms. I hope this list and these descriptions help someone! Remember that 1 in 10 women have endometriosis.

[captainsassmanes]

Trissshhhhh I have a dialogue prompt for you from that list, and bc you know I freaking love angst. “Take me instead” for Malex

Warnings: This one is heavy. Tw: violence, descriptions of injuries, torture, cursing, Jesse Fucking Manes.

Alex’s vision blurred and he realized, slower than he would have liked, that he could see nothing out of his left eye. He sent out a quick prayer that it was just swelling, nothing permanent. 

What that meant, either way, was that he couldn’t clearly see the blows before they came anymore. Maybe a small blessing. Maybe really shitty luck.

“Did Max Evans heal Elizabeth Ortecho from a bullet wound?”

The voice of who he’d learned was Staff Sargent Mitchell menaced in his ear. 

Alex was in agony. He’d barely eaten in what he figured was weeks, his stomach twisting in a hunger so severe it ached. He’d been beaten everyday, his injuries never having the chance to begin healing. There was a cut on his arm he was sure had become infected and it sat in the perfect spot to send shooting pains straight up his dominant arm every few seconds.

The first few days, maybe a little longer, of his captivity, he’d fought back: pulled against his restraints, spit in Mitchell’s face, laughed in his father’s. He could still remember reasons to be free again and to keep his mouth shut. 

Michael. Kyle. Isobel. Michael. Max. Liz. Michael. Arturo. Mimi. Maria. Michael.

He’d repeat their names when he was alone in his cell, pitch black with the smell of dampness and mold filling his nostrils. He’d pull up memories of them, his brain filtering through them all to feature only the best ones.

Getting high with Maria and laughing for hours. Study sessions with Liz that were more milkshakes and gossip than anything else. Sparing with Isobel, watching confidence radiate off her. Waking up next to Michael, watching the sun light up his tan skin, watching his chest rise and fall, the feel of his chest hair, wiry and thick. The little snores he let out when he slept on his back. The way Michael’s hands felt on his own skin, callused and so full of love.

He never cried from the pain, from the fear, from the threats.

But he’d cried when he thought of Michael.

Eventually, unable to deny it, the reality of the situation set in. Alex figured he’d been held for about two weeks. The meetings with his father, demented, psychological warfare, evolved to insure Alex knew no one was looking for him. No one gave a shit. No one missed him.

Kyle continued to go to work, date his precious, new co-worker. Liz and Max were rekindling their romance while Rosa, who they’d discovered almost instantly, continued to dance in the shadows. Isobel was event planning during the day and, according to sources, blowing up bigger and bigger things in the middle of the night.

And then there were Michael and Maria.

Jesse never hesitated to keep Alex well informed with that relationship. The dates they went on. The visits to see Mimi. The hand holding. The love making. The laughter and the smiles.

It had been just a couple of evenings ago, Alex lying on his back, arm on fire and bleeding from his head, when the tears finally stopped. He pictured Michael and Maria, arms wrapped around one another, eyes locked with wide smiles painted across their beautiful faces. He imagined ease and comfort and simplicity. Kindness and consideration, dedication and loyalty.

“Keep them safe...happy,” Alex whispered to no one.

From that moment on, he tucked it all away; his emotions, his pain, his reactions. He had nothing to give them and refused to yield even an inch.

His eyes met Mitchell’s and Alex made no effort to move. He didn’t shrug or smirk or blink an eye. He would give them nothing.

“What exactly can Isobel Evans do?”

Alex was unmoved. He took the next hit, breathing in through his nose, out through his mouth.

“Can Michael Guerin move objects with his mind?”

Alex felt a small wave of pride as he remained stoic at the mention of Michael’s name.

The next hit knocked him to the ground, the chair he was tied to coming right down with him. The military issues boots hurt like a son of a bitch, Alex feeling his insides bruising with each kick, until he couldn’t help but let out the vomit he’d been trying to hold back.

“Enough, Mitchell. Stand down.”

The kicking stopped as Mitchell took a few steps back and stood at attention. Jesse came to stand before him, feet still and silence filling the room.

“Pick him up.”

When they came face to face, Alex searched. He searched his father’s features for any indication that Jesse felt something, anything.

It was fruitless.

“This is all you’re gonna give us, son?”

Alex raised an eyebrow, not at the question but at the term of endearment.

With a shallow breath, ribs screaming in protest, he mumbled, “you’ve already taken everything. I’m not giving you shit. Dad.”

Jesse nodded, a familiar look of disappointment in his eyes. “Very well.”

The walk down the long hall felt surprisingly freeing. Alex knew this was it, the end of his journey. Jesse and whoever else was working for him had done what they could to get any information out of him. They must have realized he wouldn’t speak and no one cared enough to try to save him.

So it was time.

He wondered briefly if the stories his mom used to tell him as a boy were true. A great warrior may be able to rest in a peaceful, safe afterlife, or maybe reincarnate as human again to try once more, to live another noble life. Or, perhaps, his sins were too great. He’d end up falling into an abyss for eternity or come back but as a roach or something.

Truthfully, he’d never given much thought to death. Losing his leg had changed that a bit but he still did what he could to focus on the present, moment to moment. Maybe that helped him now. He still felt more curious than afraid.

Alex just hoped for peace.

As the small group turned the final corner, he was pushed back as the sound of guns cocking echoed through the space.

He craned his neck, trying to see what had happened, but couldn’t see past the mammoth solider in front of him.

“Stand down. Now. Hands up.”

“Aw, c’mon now, boys. No way to greet a visitor, is it?”

Alex stumbled a bit, head spinning and heart racing. It wasn’t possible. Not now when he was ready.

If he was being honest, there were nights, bitter, lonely, angry nights when he hated his friends, hated Michael for leaving him, abandoning him completely when he needed them most. He wasn’t the best friend but he did what they needed, helped where he could, took the blows he was dealt. And it got him what? Kidnapped. Left to be tortured and die. Alone.

But once he’d rested, once the blood stopped pulsing so loudly in his ears, he knew it was best. It was what he truly wanted. He’d never want Michael or the Evans’ to risk their safety, their secret, for him. And his other friends, they wouldn’t stand a chance against these fucking sadists.

It was best for all of this to end with him.

But now, as Michael stood in the space that was meant for Alex’s last moments, he couldn’t think.

“You’re nothing in here, Mr. Guerin.” His father’s voice was laced with condescension and excitement.

“Take me instead.”

Alex stopped breathing. Michael’s voice sounded calm and even, bordering on arrogant if that was possible with at least six guns pointed at him. Alex tried to speak but Mitchell beat him.

“If you haven’t noticed, asshole, you’re already taken.”

The sound of Michael’s laugh hit Alex’s ears and, beyond all reason, he smiled. That sound was so rare Alex couldn’t help but treasure it every time, even in the most dire of circumstances.

“Am I?” He felt the soldiers in front of him shift, a sudden change in the air. “Tell me, Master Sargent, why are you under the impression that I’m nothing?”

Alex grit his teeth and grimaced with the pain as he stretched as tall as he could. His eyes locked with Michael’s and Alex knew. There had been a plan. Thank fuck Michael had a plan.

The urge to sob and be held against Michael’s chest, wrapped in his strong arms was overwhelming.

“This place is so loaded with powder you won’t be able to shift a paper clip you fucking freak.”

Alex watched as Michael’s curls danced, moving with the nodding of his head.

“Yikes. I guess I didn’t realize. But I do have one more question.” He pointed to himself as he added, “curious by nature.”

He watched the hands of the soldier in front of him begin to shake, fingers gripping his weapon a bit too tightly. Alex smirked. Maybe they were starting to put it together.

With a voice suddenly full of anger and vitrol, Michael asked the room, “how the fuck do you think I got in here?”

In the blink of an eye, a force Alex couldn’t see pushed him against the wall, air leaving him with the strength of it. He gazed in wonderment, as if watching a movie or a perfect moment of a play, as the soldiers firearms all turned to white doves, flying confused and frightened around the space.

Each soldier died without Michael needing to move a muscle, his face unchanged, although his eyes had shifted from a stunning hazel to completely black. Alex thought he’d never looked better.

When the final man fell to the floor in a bloody pile, Michael turned that black, empty gaze to Alex. Jesse floated out of the room, chin lifted and struggling for air, and into the hall, toes barely touching the now stained linoleum.

Alex understood Michael’s silent question.

With difficulty, Alex stood, discovering his restraints had literally vanished. He met his father’s glare, searching one, last time for some semblance of shame, regret, sadness. He found nothing but disgust and hatred.

Cradling his core, Alex stood straight, the Manes man his father had always wanted him to be. He didn’t remove his eyes from his fathers and his voice didn’t waiver as he said, “lock him in and blow it up.”

Jesse’s body flew backward and into the room with his ever-obedient team. He landed on the floor, on his hands and knees, coughing and gasping for air.

Michael had moved to stand beside Alex, eyes now the stunning gold he normally wore, and took Alex’s bloody, broken hand in his.

“Don’t worry, Jesse.” Michael brought Alex’s hand up to his mouth and placed a delicate, gentle kiss to the back of it, mouth coming away scarlet with blood. “I’ll take good care of him.”

Jesse snarled and moved to stand before the door slammed shut and locked, Jesse’s screams slipping under the space of the door.

Alex stood, stunned, that it was finally over, that Michael was here, that Jesse would be gone, that he would live.

“We’ve gotta go.”

Alex nodded but didn’t move.

“Will you, Michael?”

“Will I what, Alex?”

He was too exhausted to keep the break from his voice. “Take care of me.”

Michael smiled as Alex felt his body become immeasurably lighter, moving without making any effort at all. Michael wrapped an arm around Alex and pulled him into his side.

“Forever if you’ll let me.”

Alex never imagined his happy ending would begin with an explosion.