#but he neither believes nor pretends that that fixes things & he also doesn’t do an immediate unrealistic behavioural 360??!

[choices-and-voices]

Gotta admit, ‘Aerin being the first person to acknowledge the burden MC is carrying & finally let them be vulnerable’ was not on my Choices bingo card, but I find it so, so cool that it happened

[lethargicmouse]

lizzie and tommy (:

I’ve always been a fan of Lizzie. I found her character so interesting, solely because I found her to be so tough, but also have so much love and femininity to her. However, I also liked Grace– she was strong and cunning and dang she fell for a gangster! However, I felt her character was underbaked (because she literally died. Great for Tommy’s character development– bad for Grace). What prompted me to write this all out was me running out of Lizzie and Tommy fics to read and turning to Tommy and Grace fics. The first (and frankly only one I read), was Thomas Shelby laughs in his sleep, or at least he used to.  by @i-just-look-at-pictures on AO3, and it really fleshed out Grace’s character for me, it filled in the holes in their relationship that the show didn’t cover. It made me realize how stark (haha), the differences between both relationships are. Grace gave us the forbidden love, marriage trope, love at first sight type deal whereas Lizzie gives us the redemption arc (literally RUBY.) and a slow burn. 

In my first watch-through of Peaky Blinders I loved Tommy and Grace’s dynamic– and I still do; however, after watching it back it was not the most healthy thing on the planet. But really what relationship with a man like Tommy can be? For me Tommy’s love for Grace was an obsession– she was a perfect posh girl and man, how could a girl like her fall in love with a guy like him?! But she did, because Tommy really liked her so he was soft Tommy with her. (That is why she fell in love with him, not like May who liked him for the thrill of a gangster– no shame on May, though. She is a strong woman who knows who she is. And I would totally fall for a hot gangster, too.) Grace challenged Tommy in ways women hadn’t before (excluding Polly because she’s more like a mother figure to him); however, she accepted him for the dirty gangster he was and didn’t try to fix him (because she was just as dirty as he was. Also, a lot of people say that Grace was Tommy in girl form– but helloooo ADA?!). For me, this is neither good nor bad, well maybe a little bad. Like I said before, Grace challenged him, but not in the ways that I feel like could’ve benefitted Tommy as a person, but then again Tommy wouldn’t have dared to soil his perfect Grace with the dirty dealings of the illegal business. So it was a fault all around, really, in my opinion. Grace could’ve thrived in the illegal business dealings (she’s a smart girl!), but it was the illegal business that was her demise. (I don’t believe for a second Lizzie had any intention of starting a war, and she didn’t start it. John did. Lizzie just wanted a normal life. But did she really like Angel, orrr was he a distraction from Tommy? We all know the truth.) Tommy ruined Grace, but look at how her death ruined him. Her apparition (originating from the stupid drugs) is the personification of his guilt. Grace doesn’t call him to the afterlife– his guilt for his gang business does! 

Lizzie however, was different. She was involved in the dirty business from the beginning. She knew who Tommy was pre-war, and she knows who he is now. And look at how she hoisted herself up out of the gutter. She took those typing classes to stop whoring. She tried to get out of it with John (but we all know how that went– and I personally don’t think that was Tommy keeping Lzzie for himself, that was Tommy protecting John). She took the initiative to clean up her life and Tommy just aided her in the fact by giving her a job (truthfully, all he has ever helped her with was money). Regardless of all that, I truly believe (and it’s evident–blatantly obvious even) that she was in love with Tommy from the beginning. Two of my favorite Tommy and Lzzie scenes are as follows: the one where she asks him to pretend like they’re ordinary people (kills me every time. Hurts my soul. My poor baby Lizzie girl.) and the typewriter scene where he offers her the job (the manner in which he went about it was stunning. I would’ve died.) 

As the story goes, Tommy goes back to Lizzie relatively quickly after Grace dies (excluding the Tatiana madness). I’ve seen posts that blame Lizzie for this, that she jumped on Tommy after Grace died because she was jealous. I have no doubt in my mind she was jealous– but she has enough decorum to withhold that and act like a lady. Lizzie grounds Tommy. Yes, they were toxic (My property? Not cool. Infidelity? Not healthy! Telling her to abort the baby? Nooo thanks– and she was so excited! “A piece of me and you” CRYING); however, I feel like they understood each other on another level. They’ve known each other for what, 15+ years? And they’ve been married for what, 8 of those years? Gosh, they know each other inside and out. Their relationship, obviously, is very sexually based. Lizzie was a whore for pity’s sake, and Tommy himself is probably the biggest whore on the show (literally seducing poor Jessie Eden for personal gain?!). I’m sure Lizzie was able to read Tommy like an open book and vice versa! Just look at how they push each other's buttons! Him telling her he still pays her for it, and her giving him the bullets in the mud. Neither was a good situation– a) that’s a horrific way to push someone when you know that bothers them b) that is not how you deal with a suicidal person. But look at all that harm and trauma we see they cause each other because of years of hurt from each other and others.  This is where we see Lizzie break for the first time, in my opinion. For her family comes first, even over her one-sided love, and Tommy was willing to break that family. 

Lizzie’s two best qualities (but perhaps it was also these that lead to her demise) were her unwavering loyalty and her ability to care. The former is probably why I relate to her so much. Even after Tommy screwed up her first chance at a normal life with John, left her to get raped at Epsom, told her she was property, let Diana publicly humiliate her, mocked her attempts at divorce, told her to abort their child, (I’m sure there’s more) she stayed. Because she freaking loved him and cared for him. He trusted her as a secretary to have a foot in both businesses, but he never trusted her like he trusted Grace (which is completely ironic to me because Grace betrayed all of them. But look at how much he is like Lizzie in this way. Forgiving personal transgressions because you love them sooooo much.), because he trusted Grace with his head– not the business. Lizzie was the opposite. Her loyalty to him was intertwined with her ability to care. Like the man himself said, “It was you who stopped my heart from breaking”. I’m not the best writer, but aniray conveys this perfectly in their fic A Bit of Soft (In a Broken Place). Lizzie is always there for him and cares for him. She fulfills his needs. Her ability to care was shown really, though, with the children. Charlie calls her mum (which I know a lot of people don’t like– but she took the child of the woman who she probably was jealous of and genuinely loved him as her own) and Charlie’s bond with Ruby is so adorable. Lizzie was meant to be a mom! And Tommy gave her that. And like I said earlier when Tommy was willing to give up his fatherly duties to be reunited with Grace, Lizzie reminded him of his duties at home (albeit in a not-so-nice way). Because that’s what really important to her. The well-being of those children. And that’s what finally drove her to leave, was Tommy’s craziness about Ruby’s illness and his lack of presence at her death. There is no doubt in my mind Tommy loved Ruby, and he really went to the ends of the earth to save her. But when he wasn’t there to hold her hand (and Lizzie’s hand) as she died, that’s what did it. Not the infidelity, not the sham of a marriage, not the drugs (she knew what she signed up for. A marriage for looks. She was ok with being the one who cared more.), but the lack of care (in the way she thought, and really it was the way that he needed to be, mattered). This is also why she couldn’t have been the black cat. A) She wanted to get as far away from her whoring days so she isn’t talking to Mosely B) she loves Tommy too much (to her own disgust) to betray him like that C) it’d hurt her family D) She was for sure at that violin recital! She wouldn’t’ve missed it for the world!

But really he did love her, Lizzie– definitely like he loved his family (she was family), and I think he definitely had the potential to be in love with her. He’s now realizing that she was essential to his life (because he likes nice, soft things). However, Lizzie (thank goodness) has realized he’s never brought anything good into her life (excluding Ruby, her angel), and the hurt outweighs the crumbs of kindness and left him. She doesn’t deserve him. Like I said earlier Lizzie, I believe, will be the catalyst for his redemption (Just look at how Ruby saved him!). Yes. They are toxic and their relationship in the show is most certainly not healthy one bit! But, there is potential for love. 

Here’s some fic recs that really illustrate their relationship:

For me all of these authors are amazing, I just stick to Lizzie/Tommy really. No Tommy/Alfie for me. All are on Ao3

@aniray:

* a lot of these are things that happened in the show with alternate happenings. The third one down though is stunning though. Like bro, it’s canon for me! 

Open Hands

A Touch of Change

A Bit of Soft (In a Broken Place)

A Different Kind of Love

Into the Mist

Slipping into Dreams

Everything

@deadendtracks :

*these two are series

Get it wrong, get it right

Possibility of a Blade

justrosey:

Someone is digging your grave right now, someone is drawing a bath to wash you      clean

No more canaries in the mine

@divinekangaroo:

*series

The Last Second Ending

Emma_Perlman:

*series that’s au after season 6! Redemption! Strong Lizzie!!

The Siren Sings

@xxsparksxx :

*series

Armistice

@emjenenla :

Even though you don’t mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart

ANYWAY! Please talk to me about them I'm losing my mind.

[evolutionsbedingt]

Wip Wednesday Snippet!

Have a snippet fresh off the press from yesterday's writing marathon which also saw me crossing 20k written for this month despite having been on a festival this weekend!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I would warn for spoilers but... that's what these snippets are for anyway, right? So, without further ado, enjoy the return of Shangguan Qian! ;)

★★★

Of course, since Zijian was placed to Shangjue’s left he’s now sitting right across from Shangguan Qian and he struggles to contain his glower when his eyes fall on her face. At first she doesn’t spare him so much as a glance and when she does her spine stiffens minutely, her eyebrows twitching as if she has to keep herself from frowning. 

Zijian smiles serenely at her and then turns to whisper into Shangjue’s direction, “It seems she was really quite convinced you brought Yuanzhi and not me.”

Shangjue hums, his eyes fixed on the ground between their tables. “The last thing she knew was that we stood in opposition to one another, even before the whole charade began. And I still think she figured out my feelings for Yuanzhi, at least to some degree.”

“It’s possible,” Zijian agrees softly and glances at the Minister. “Though I do wonder why she didn’t believe her own husband.”

“He doesn’t fully believe her, she doesn’t fully believe him.” Shangjue huffs a laugh. “What a pair they make. Even we are a better couple than that.”

Zijian blushes and clears his throat. He takes care to speak a little louder when he replies, “This one is glad to hear Shang’er thinks so.”

Shangjue smirks, looking up at Zijian and leans in very obviously to say, not quite quietly enough to not be overheard by the attending servant, “How could I dare to think anything else with a wife this lovely at my side?”

Zijian is almost tempted to reach out and press one of the many bruises he left on Shangjue’s body earlier in retaliation for this bold statement but he restrains himself. “Behave yourself,” Zijian instead hisses, the words softened by his smile which isn’t half as false as it probably should be for this to still be a pretence. 

Shangjue laughs and straightens back up in his seat.

Apparently their exchange caught Wu Chenxi’s attention and his sharp eyes are flicking between them as he asks, “So, Gong-daren brought this Yue-gongzi with him from Gong sect. He must be quite important to travel this far with you.”

Zijian swallows. If this were the emperor they’d have repeated their explanation that he is an expert in Wufeng’s poisons and also happens to know quite a bit about the organisation itself. But this is a general of the dynasty and one who seems to be quite close to Liu-daren to boot so they'll have to pretend to be lovers deeply dedicated to one another. He’s suddenly glad that he isn’t the one who has to explain this to the general. 

“Zijian-xiong is indeed quite important to me,” Shangjue answers, casting a fond look at him. “I could not have left him at home anymore than my sword or my horse. His knowledge on the matters we’re here to discuss is invaluable and his company is greatly appreciated.”

“You say his knowledge is invaluable and yet I’ve not heard this man say more than a few sentences the whole time we were in that meeting,” Wu Chenxi says with a disbelieving laugh. 

“When words are not needed, why waste them?” Zijian asks, folding his hands in his lap. “Shang’er knows the subject.”

The general seems a little stumped, but before he can find something to say, Liu Fuling speaks up. 

“Well said, Yue-gongzi. I had not realised you were a man of learning.” He raises his cup in a toast and Zijian inclines his head. 

“The pursuit of knowledge is the highest of all,” he says, refusing to touch his cup and return the gesture. He’s still feeling rather petty about the ambush at the minister’s home. “But neither the stork tower¹ nor deep within the clouds² seem appealing places to be for me.”

_________________________

¹ - On the Stork Tower by Wang Zhihuan

² - Visiting the Absent Hermit by Jia Dao

[fierceawakening]

I get the sense you’re explaining exactly what I take issue with as if I don’t understand it rather than making a counter argument, and I’m not sure what that is about exactly or how to fix it? I’ll try again to explain how I read the post I do agree with, and why I see it as better than PTerry’s wording, but I’m not sure it actually helps.

OP here: we live in an uncaring universe

Death: Grind up the universe and you find neither justice nor mercy (it doesn’t care, because caring is not a physical thing you can sift for.)

OP: But that’s not true, because I am in the universe. I care, therefore caring is in the universe, therefore calling the universe uncaring is wrong. It’s true that if you grind me up the caring stops being findable, but that’s BECAUSE YOU KILLED ME.

Death: In order to believe in caring, you have to be trained to believe lies.

OP: In order to believe in caring, all you have to do is observe me doing it.

What I think makes PTerry sidestep the obvious “caring exists because people care,” is that he wants to deliver a certain sort of rhetorical flourish about what stories are. He likes the idea of calling stories “lies,” presumably because the difference between fiction and nonfiction is that nonfiction is true and fiction is not.

Knowing his usual sense of humor, my guess is this is a kind of pun. I write fiction. That means I am lying to you. You learn something as a result of reading this book. Therefore, I made you “believe a lie,” except in a way that was beneficial. Acknowledge that I, An Author, am cool! Like Loki, or that sort of character. I lied to you and in doing so made you good.

Which. Yes. Authors are cool! I write too! The idea that you cam make someone imagine a whole ass series of made up events is pretty goddamn amazing! Agree!

But I don’t think “you have to believe lies to figure out how to be merciful” is a good description of what’s going on there.

Fiction is false, but that doesn’t make it lying. Lying is intentionally telling untrue things to someone in order to mislead them.

Telling untrue things to people in order to mislead them is not how you convince anyone to be merciful. Nor is it how you show them THEY can choose to be merciful, if the problem is they worry they’re not good enough.

If a story teaches someone how to be merciful, it’s because the story either provides an example of being merciful, which makes people want to emulate it, or because the story makes the reader/hearer identify or empathize with a character who deserves mercy… and thus gets people thinking about when they should be merciful.

It’s not that mercy isn’t a thing and then someone lies and it becomes a thing. It’s that the kind of thing it is is abstract, and the way we learn about abstract things is through examples.

SOME OF those examples are stories! It’s pretty common. But OTHER examples are actual people doing actually merciful things, and people going “wow, John is merciful! I like that. I think I’ll emulate it.”

So it’s not that writers (or storytellers, or recounters of legends, or parents playing pretend with their kids) lied and made untrue things true. It’s that the storytellers SAW people being good, and decided to talk about it.

The universe is only uncaring if you Ass U Me only physical objects are real.

So it’s clever and fun but it’s also off and weird.

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

[euterpessi]

Romance Manhwa/Manga Recommendations:

Historical Manhwa/Manga:

Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess

I’ve reincarnated as the reverse harem game’s villainess, the one and only adopted daughter of the ducal Eckart family.

But the difficulty just has to be the worst!

Everything I do will only lead me to death.

I must be paired with one of the main male characters from the heroine’s harem before the ‘real daughter’ of the duke family appears!

Two older brothers who always pick a fight with me on every little thing.

The insane crown prince whose route will always lead to my death.

‘I only see the heroine and no one else’s wizard, and also her loyal slave knight, too!

‘First, let’s take some of them which I see no hope in, out of the list!’

“I didn’t know my place up until now. From now on, I’ll live as quiet as a mouse so you wouldn’t care the slightest bit!

But why do their interests in me keep on rising every time I draw the line?!

The Villainess is a Marionette

Cayena, the Imperial Princess, was known as the most beautiful woman in the Empire. She was a woman who knew nothing but evil and luxury.

However, she was destined for ruin: she would be used as a chess piece by her younger brother to secure his throne and killed by her crazy husband.

“I’ll make you the Emperor.”

“… Sister, are you referring to me?”

“In exchange, give me freedom.”

She had to change things before she became that Cayena.

The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke’S Mansion

Poisoned to death by her own betrothed?! Eunha didn’t wake up in a novel’s story just to get killed off again as an unfortunate extra! To change her story she needs a cover… 6 months pretending to be the fake fiancée of the novel’s male protagonist, Duke Noah Wynknight. But will this cold-hearted, angel-faced demon of a man really help her avoid another ill-fated ending?!

Your Throne / I Want to Be You, Just For A Day

The story follows main characters Medea Solon and Psyche Callista, who become archenemies after competing for the position of crown princess of the Vasilios Empire. On the day of the Yearly Prayer, Medea and Psyche accidentally switch bodies.

The Remarried Empress

Navier was the perfect empress, however, the Emperor wanted a wife, not a colleague. And so, the Emperor abandoned Empress Navier and placed an enslaved girl beside him. That was fine until Navier heard the Emperor promise the slave the Empress’ position. After many ups and downs, Navier decided she would accept being the Queen of the neighbouring country and remarry.

Kill The Villainess

Eris Mizerian was the villainess of a novel. The only daughter of a marquis, she got executed after scheming against the pure and lovely protagonist, Helena. My only goal, after possessing her, is simply to leave this world and go home. I am prepared to face even death, but the laws of this world keep stopping me.

A changed Eris begins to draw the attention of three men who once loathed her; the Crown Prince, the High Priest, and the Knight.

"It doesn't matter. I will never be able to love this world."

Even if the only way out is death,

even if the only way out is make a deal with a witch...

I will absolutely leave this world!

This is the story of the villainess who defies fate, Eris, and her escape from this world!

The Way To Protect The Female Lead's Older Brother

I accidentally took possession of someone in a 19+ reverse harem novel.

The problem is that I became Roxana Agriche, the older sister of the sub-villain. My damn father kidnapped the heroine’s brother. Now, is the only thing left to meet a terrible end from the vengeance of the heroine?

But what if I can avoid that horrible development?

“I’m also interested in this toy.”

“I’ll protect you until you can get out of here safely.”

The heroine’s brother, Cassis Pedalian, will definitely be able to pay me back later.

Shadow Queen

“Can you be my daughter for me?”

By his offer, Elena became Duke of Franceschi’s fake daughter.

She became the queen and gave birth to Crown Prince’s son.

Then suddenly, Princess Veronica who was assumed dead came back.

She was only just a toy.

But eventually, Elena gets her son taken and is murdered.

However, she went back to the past.

“I’ll destroy all of you.”

I’ll never live as a toy again.

Elena decides to seeks revenge.

Under the Oak Tree

The daughter of a duke, the stuttering Maximilian, married a knight of lowly status at her father’s coercion.

After their first night, her husband departed for an expedition without another word.

He comes back three years later, this time as a famous knight in the whole continent.

How would Maximilian face him on his return?

"The more I think of you, the more lonely and lonely I become. I don't know why I can't quit even though it's so painful."

I'm Stanning The Prince

Angela’s fanfic became such a sensation that it even reached the Imperial Family, leading her to get arrested on charges of treason. Nevertheless, her fanfic improved the First Prince’s image, and his sister, the Princess, decides to take political advantage of this and keep Angela by their side. 

The heroine who can now fangirl to her heart’s content, and the Prince who doesn’t know how to act around her. As they bicker back and forth, they start growing closer…

Miss Not-So Sidekick

Hyejung loved to read to escape her daily stress. But that’s before she woke up inside the bizarre world of her favorite novel! Instead of the main heroine who courts three eligible men, she is now Latte Ectrie – a minor villain that everyone hates?! One way or another, it’s a chance to live out her most beloved storyline, with popcorn in hand to watch all the drama! Taking charge of the narrative takes on a whole new meaning!

Even Though I’M The Villainess, I’ll Become The Heroine!

I wasn’t able to overcome the harassment and took my life, but I was reincarnated with the perpetrator? The perpetrator is the heroine, Florre, and I am the villainess, Dahlia, who’s going to die horribly.

“They said you are a villain with neither blood nor tears, but unlike the rumors, you often shed tears.”

“Your Highness must believe all the nonsense the idiots are talking about, huh?”

Grand Duke of Cervian, the half brother of the Male lead and who will be punished for treason afterwards. He approached me. I can’t lose the man who will be my greatest ally.

“Your Highness, would you marry me?”

“Now…… what did you say?”

“And take revenge together.”

A similar situation, a fixed ending. The heroine is not the only one who knows the ending of the novel. I took a long and arduous path of revenge.

Who Made Me A Princess

The beautiful Athanasia was killed at the hands of her own biological father, Claude de Alger Obelia, the cold-blooded emperor! It’s just a silly bedtime story… until one woman wakes up to suddenly find she’s become that unfortunate princess! She needs a plan to survive her doomed fate, and time is running out. Will she go with Plan A, live as quietly as possible without being noticed by the infamous emperor? Plan B, collect enough money to escape the palace? Or will she be stuck with Plan C, sweet-talking her way into her father’s good graces?!

The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass

With the marriage of her prostitute mother to the Count, Aria’s status in society skyrocketed immediately. After leading a life of luxury, Aria unfairly meets death because of her sister Mielle’s schemes. And right before she dies, she sees an hourglass fall as if it were a fantasy. And just like that, she was miraculously brought back to the past.

“I want to become a very elegant person, just like my sister, Mielle.”

In order to face the villainess, she must become an even more wicked villainess. This was the new path Aria chose to take revenge on Mielle who murdered both her and her mother.

The Evil Lady's Hero

Junipe Magnolia, a villainess friend of the heroine in this novel called Rael Cania.

The Junipe inside the novel has always loved the male lead, Iseed. To the point where she harassed Rael out of jealousy because she's loved by Iseed.

And thus, Junipe is destinied to die in the hands of the male lead of this novel.

But one day.

"Why did I become Junipe?!"

But let's think about it, it's still one year away from the time Junipe is going to get killed by Iseed. So, I have to meet Iseed and Rael first, I'll be able to find a way out of my death if I do so.

Yeah, let's meet them first!

But, this man is just so tender-hearted and kind. Would Junipe be able to escape from this man?!

I Tamed a Tyrant and Ran Away

God gave me a chance to relive my life. Before the rebirth, I had been used for the past 400 years as the empire's sword. And so, I swore to destroy the empire. I found the young prince of the country and became his teacher. I taught him how to become a tyrant and asked for the country.

"I will do the lady's will."

He conquered the whole empire for me, and I ran away.

"I came to take you, Charlize Ronan." Dylan became a perfect tyrant and searched the entire empire for me.

"You tamed me, so why did you run away?"

Untouchable Lady

“Please, Hilise. Please die in place of Gabrielle.” My always dignified brother begged me for the first time. He wants me to die for our stepsister, whom we don't even share a drop of blood with. “For the first and last time, I ask you this.” I've always been miserable, and there is no exception this time. The seventh time that I was betrayed and killed, I was completely free of lingering feelings. “I'm glad that you're a scumbag until the end.” I won't be swayed by love anymore. It's my turn to abandon them first.

I’ll Live On As A Villainess

I reincarnated as the villainess in a book!

The one who dared to commit attempted murder on the heroine is the owner of this body?

Let's just live in a quiet place where we have fun and eat! That's what I thought for a while.

It was so, so, so cold here in the north, where I was kicked out as a punishment.

Before I froze to death, I called the Great Demon of Fire and set fire to the fireplace but...

Why isn't he going back? If you've done the job, shouldn't you go back?!

I was flustered to find out that I had signed a life contract with a demon just to start a fire but to think that I'd be responsible for relieving his desires!

The bickering romance between a big puppy demon and a small villainess lady!

It Looks Like I’Ve Fallen Into The World Of A Reverse Harem Game

When I opened my eyes, I was in a different world. I had become the game’s villainous princess who was feared by all. Not to mention… Completely naked men I didn’t even know were approaching me left and right! “Are you cold? Shall I warm you up with a hug?” “Oh? Have you not had enough yet?” Seriously, what’s up with this situation? And just how the hell am I going to get out of this freaking game?!

Father, I Don't Want to Get Married!

I’m Jubelian? The daughter of the duke and the villainess of this novel?

I managed to avoid my death with some previous knowledge about my life, as this was my second time at it. Now, I should be able to live a peaceful life!

“I’m not going to marry a man unless he has everything. I want the most wealthy, famous, and competent man there is.”

I dreamt of a glamorous life as the daughter of the duke, but my father tells me the Crown Prince who is known to be a lunatic is to be my husband! As an extraordinary measure, I couldn’t help but start a contract relationship. That is, with a handsome side character that looks better than the main one.

“Why are you trying to avoid being engaged to the prince?”

“He’s scary. I heard that he even kills his own entourage if he doesn’t like them.”

A few days later, the prince sent a terrible letter to me.

“I will not kill you.”

Oh no, did I set up another death trap for myself?

Like A Wind On A Dry Branch

"Hi, You."

Count Casarius fell victim to a plague and died suddenly, leaving behind a will stating that Rietta, his beautiful young widow of the manor, whom he tried to use as a concubine, be buried alive alongside him. Just before Rietta is buried, Archduke Axias, rumored to be a cruel tyrant, arrives at the funeral to collect the enormous debt Count Casarius still owes him.

“Everyone here seems to feel sorry for her, and I still have a debt to collect from Casarius… If I take her instead of debt, I think all of you here should be happy," he smiled.

"Hello, Temptress."

Everything was a Mistake

Roa Valrose reincarnated as villainess in the book. In order to avoid the fate of being burned at the stake, she approaches the hero, Nocton Edgar.

It hurts every time she gets closer to him. Nevertheless, for her survival, she does everything he wants her to do.

“Come again, Valrose.”

The mysterious Nocton unexpectedly sought her out every day.

Then one day, her friend for 10 years says something unknown to her.

“Actually, I have a dream. The Duke of Edgar is a terrible villain!”

He is not the hero, but the villain?

As soon as she realized that she had misinterpreted the role, she decided to get away from Nocton.

“Let’s not meet anymore.”

But the villain’s reaction was strange.

“Don’t go. You’ve always been special to me.”

She was suspicious of his sudden change of attitude.

Will she able to get rid of Nocton safely?

I Became the Tyrant's Secretary

I became the secretary of a tyrant in place of my clumsy brother to survive.

But I have so much potential for it. I’m so darn good at my job. Because I served the tyrant so well, ‘Everyone has a happy ending’.

Well then, shall I quit being a secretary and live a leisurely life now?

“Rosaline, tell me what you want.” He asked as he stepped down from his chair.

“I want to quit.”

His eyebrows twitched slightly.

“Do you want to die?”

Your highness, you never hold on to people who want to leave, so why’re you being like this to me?

Seduce the Villainess Father

After being in a bus crash, I woke up to the world of my favourite web novel.

Not only that, It was before the protagonists were born, to their parents’ world!

To stop the incoming multiple bad events.

I tried to prevent the kidnapping of the sister who is pregnant with the female lead!

But I got kidnapped instead?!

It's depressing to be kidnapped, but my body couldn't handle the mana and became a sunfish-like state

But... if I am next to the emperor who kidnapped me, my body becomes normal!

Right! The way to save that man from marrying a witch and getting killed by his son, and for someone who is vulnerable to mana such as myself to live, is for us to get married!

The Villains Savior

Set on a path to tragedy and misfortune from a young age, Aseph Randell is doomed to die a villain. That is, until the mysterious Elzay Tiathe appears in his life with a promise: "I can save you." After having vivid visions of him for so long, can Elzay untangle the twisted fate tied to Aseph... or will they both be dragged down together?

Contemporary Manhwa/Manga:

Night Crying Crow

This woman; who is she?

If something was action, it'd be action. If something was romance, it’d be romance. The A-list actor Cheon Woo Kang, who's great at every (genre), had his heart stolen away by an unknown woman who’d broken into his house!

“We'll meet again.~"

Woo Kang contracted an over imaginative illness as he drew the woman, whose name he didn't even know. In front of Woo Kang, she reappeared as the police officer Park Tae... Could the shadow of the crisis that appeared in front of them be a coincidence?

Raise wa Tanin ga Ii

Yoshino Somei would have been a normal high-schooler if not for the fact that she is the granddaughter of the leader of the Osaka-based Somei Group, the Kansai region's largest yakuza organization. One day, Yoshino hurries home after hearing of the news about the unification of Kansai and Kanto's biggest syndicates, the Somei and the Miyama groups. This, according to the article, will result in a marriage of the leaders' grandchildren—one of whom is Yoshino herself! Despite her best efforts to annul the arrangement, Yoshino has to go to Tokyo to visit her fiancé, Kirishima Miyama, who is unexpectedly nice and charming.

During their first meeting, Yoshino is swept up in various events and becomes unable to refuse moving to Tokyo, which is why, half a year later, she now lives with the Miyama group. At school, she soon realizes that Kirishima is very popular, so her relationship with him garners the hate of his fangirls and subsequently results in bullying. To make matters worse, Kirishima could not be further away from her prince charming since he, after all, was born to be a yakuza member.

Raise wa Tanin ga Ii follows Yoshino and her new life in Tokyo that is filled with nothing but troubles connected to the underworld. However, though she wishes to be as far from it as possible, this isn't Yoshino's first time dealing with the world of the Yakuza...

Positively Yours

To Hee-won’s dismay, the BFF she crushed on and her other BFF are now dating! Seriously bummed, Hee-won decides to go wild just one time, and find solace with a handsome stranger. A very satisfying one night affair has now turned into more — she’s pregnant! Fate brings them together again, and now the regimented Doo-joon is determined to do the right thing and marry her. But they’re basically strangers! Except... their bodies have been very intimately acquainted. What’s this mother-to-be to do?

True Beauty

After binge-watching beauty videos online, a shy comic book fan masters the art of makeup and sees her social standing skyrocket as she becomes her school’s prettiest pretty girl overnight. But will her elite status be short-lived? How long can she keep her real self a secret? And what about that cute boy who knows her secret?

Cheese In the Trap

Hong Sul is a ordinary college student. Yoo Jung is the school's most popular upperclass man. He's good looking, rich, smart, and even nice. However, Hong Sul thinks there's more to Yoo Jung than what meets the eye…

SPY x FAMILY

The master spy codenamed has spent his days on undercover missions, all for the dream of a better world. But one day, he receives a particularly difficult new order from command. For his mission, he must form a temporary family and start a new life?! A Spy/Action/Comedy about a one-of-a-kind family!

Doppio Senso (18+)

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about a guy.”

KyungHyun stopped in the middle of a deep kiss and sighed. His lips began to form a smile, but his fierce glare said otherwise. Possessiveness and jealousy spread across his sculpted face.

“Will you tell me his name?”

His easygoing and languid voice reached her ears.

“Why?”

“So that I can shoot him down.”

[therealvinelle]

What if Bella got possessed by a demon in Twilight? Like pretty standard, The Exorcist type of stuff.

A lot of you anons should just head on to Ao3 instead of my inbox because whereever you went with this fic idea, I’m sure it’d be delightful. Lulzy, but an absolute delight.

Since you say Twilight, I’ll just set the timeline to the beginning of the series, when Bella has just arrived in Forks. She got possessed just before leaving, as Renée wanted to try an ouija board.

So, for the purposes of this ask, demons are real within the Twilight universe. They have to be very few and far in between, though, since humans don’t know about them and they presumably don’t care about following the Volturi law.

Bella is Reagan and the demon Pazuzu has taken up residence within her.

As happened in The Exorcist, this isn’t very noticeable at first. Bella starts saying some messed up things, yes, enough so that the other kids at school avoid her and the teachers give Charlie a call, but she’s not running down the stairs like a spider. Charlie is worried about her behavior and calls Renée about this, but he’s not dialing up any priests just yet.

Well, Bella gets worse.

Edward, for the record, was interested in this delicious smelling girl with the mystery box brain up until she started spouting profanities in the hallways at other students. Not being able to read her mind, he assumes Bella Swan is just like that. There’s no challenge, no reward, nothing to keeping her alive, his only real reason for not eating her at this point is Carlisle. Though his sheer distaste at that vulgar human who dares to tempt him so makes him resistent to drinking her blood, just out of spite. She’s not his perfect damsel with the delicious blood, and that ruins a lot of the appeal. Not all, mind, because that blood is still delicious.

Though it does help when she’s pulled out of school. Edward can pretend vulgar hamburger doesn’t exist, even as he ruffles through her wardrobe for sweaters to huff.

Back to Charlie, whose daughter is now running down the stairs like the spider.

He sends her to every shrink he can afford, has all the doctors in Forks look at her, and none of them give him an answer he can believe. He’s at his wit’s end.

And this affliction, whatever it is, that’s affecting Bella, it doesn’t seem natural, not human. She speaks in tongues, sexually assaults herself (yes, this happens in the movie), growls and hisses like an animal, in every way acts like- well, whatever it is, Charlie’s ability to deny that this his daughter’s affliction is supernatural in origin is growing thin.

But none of the shrinks can help him with that, and Charlie is a “lapsed Lutheran”, so I doubt priests is something he’ll consider all that seriously. He needs occult help, yes, but from someone who will actually help Bella.

His mind turns towards Carlisle Cullen and his children, and how Billy reacted when they moved into town.

Charlie laughed off his friends’ fears then, thought it was ridiculous to believe the Cullens could ever be anything but human. He dismissed their unusual looks as just that, unusual looks, their too-good-to-be-true cover story as them being that wonderful, and was quite happy about it.

That was then, now his daughter is fast becoming proof that the occult is indeed real.

And Dr. Cullen is so very kind, excellent in his work as a doctor and above all knowledgeable.

Say that Billy was right, that these guys aren’t as human as they appear. Well, that makes them the only people in the world, in Charlie’s world anyhow, who might be able to help.

Which is how Carlisle has the town chief walk into his office, tell him his daughter is possessed by a demon, and that Carlisle has to come over and have a look at her.

Now, as I think demons would be extremely rare, we’ll allow that Carlisle with all likelihood hasn’t seen any of these before. Quite the contrary, he was once a man who persecuted women suspected of witchcraft. He understands Charlie a little too well, but is also not touching this exorcism quest with a ten-foot pole.

Except, the chief seems convinced that Carlisle himself isn’t entirely human.

What would a human doctor do?

Carlisle really has no choice here but to come with Charlie. Besides, no matter how one looks at it what Charlie said about Bella is highly disturbing, the girl obviously needs medical attention.

So Carlisle has a look at Bella, and his “ahahaha we’re all human in here” smile quickly stiffens as he finds that whatever’s going on with Bella, it is indeed not human. She’s spitting green goo, talking Latin backwards, inhumanly strong, impersonating Carlisle’s father, and depending on how closely we follow Pazuzu’s actions in The Exorcist she may have killed a man. There’s scars on her body spelling out pleas for help.

It becomes clear to Carlisle that this girl really does need an exorcism. Or something, anyway, this is terrifying new territory for him.

But he has neither any clue nor the authority to perform an exorcism, and he lacks the network to get his hands on a human priest who’ll do this. More, even if humans could help (and considering how misinformed they are about vampires, the odds of that are extremely slim), involving more humans than have already been pulled into this would not make the Volturi happy.

There’s really only one place to go where someone will have the resources to help this suffering human, and that’s Volterra.

There’s a risk that demons are like immortal children and Aro will kill her on the spot, but Carlisle, still spooked from father Cullen’s voice coming out of this 17-year-old girl in the 21st century, has no other recourse.

So he tells Charlie he’s taking Bella somewhere Charlie can’t follow, and it’s likely they’ll never see each other again, even if Bella is saved. Charlie is devastated, but the promise that his daughter could get better means he can’t refuse. Just the fact that Carlisle isn’t entirely human yet benign makes him the best help Charlie is able to get her.

Carlisle takes Bella to Volterra, where Aro puts on his best Max von Sydow impression and says “Ah, demons... I’ve seen this once before, in the memories of a merchant from Ur...”

Knowing Aro while not knowing the lore of The Exorcist well enough to know what to do about a demon possession if you don’t have a Catholic priest on hand, I imagine Aro dresses up in whatever it is that Sumerian priests wore thousands of years ago (he always told Caius those bedazzled costumes would come in handy someday, and look who was right! VINDICATION) and tricks Pazuzu into possessing one of the humans Heidi brought in instead. This human is promptly killed. Ta-da, Aro smiles to Carlisle, he solved the problem!

Bella wakes up surrounded by insanely beautiful people in an underground palace in Italy and remembers nothing. Carlisle gets the honor of explaining to this human girl that she was possessed by a demon, Charlie asked Carlisle to fix it, and now the nice man who makes jingling noises whenever he moves because he’s dressed head to toe in gold wants her to be a different kind of demon because he can’t read her mind.

Bella caught maybe half of that.

Carlisle refuses to elaborate on the “possessed by a demon” part. No, Bella, you did nothing embarrassing, no one thought you were weird. We hardly noticed you were possessed at all!

But he was serious about that last part, Aro noticed she has a special ability so he’d like for her to become a vampire.

Bella, still, overwhelmed, makes a phone call to Charlie explaining nothing at all but assuring him that the demon is gone. She is then made a vampire.

Edward arrives too late to the party, so late that the party is in fact over, as he didn’t believe Carlisle when he said hamburger was possessed by a demon. Now it turns out that the disgusting, vulgar girl was in fact a delicate flower and a damsel in distress this whole time. Except, now she’s a vampire. Woe! Theirs is a love that never bloomed.

Bella has no idea who this guy is, and asks Renata to make him go away.

[vrishchikawrites]

If you're still taking prompts, how about WWX becoming a god after he dies in the siege? It's hard to slander someone when you have a proof of their benevolence like this. I always loved the concept. He's strong and good enough to ascend, especially since in his last actions he chose to spare those who wronged him and destroy the seal. And now LZ needs to catch up ;)

(we'll need to hand wave some of the genre constants here. apologies!)

It happens in Qinghe. The Nie Clan hosts a Martial Arts conference and Lan Wangji accompanies Lan Xichen even though he's not inclined to. He has just come out of seclusion and socialization is the last thing on his mind.

But his brother insists and Wangji is hesitant to deny. The Unclean Realm is bustling with activity and Wangji feels the strain of it keenly. There's something off in the air.

It isn't until he meets Nie Mingjue that he realizes just what is off.

The man looks furious instead of stern and commanding. Nie Mingjue has always had a temper but Wangji has never seen him quite this unsettled. His eyes seem blood-shot and his expression is almost cruel. There's an odd, dissonant energy around him that alarms Wangji.

Xichen, Jin Guangyao, and Nie Mingjue seem to be arguing in some fashion, Wangji was too far away to understand their conversation but Nie Mingjue's voice was loud and enraged.

"Da-ge," Nie Huaisang's worried voice catches his attention and he turns to look in his direction. His expression conveys his anxiety for his brother clearly. Nie Huaisang is studying the scene before him with furrowed brows and uncharacteristically shrewd eyes, "Wangji-xiong, what do you think of this?"

At first, Wangji is hesitant to comment. This isn't his concern and he is certain Xichen will help if help is needed.

But something in Nie Huaisang's tone makes him hesitate. He is obviously seeking comfort.

Wangji studies the scene once again, noting with concern that even his brother is looking disturbed by Nie Mingjue's rage, "He is dangerously unstable. Xiongzhang's Song of Clarity isn't working?"

Nie Huaisang purses his lips and shakes his head, "San-ge plays it regularly but it doesn't seem to help." He waves his fan in agitation, "Nothing seems to help."

Wangji has nothing else to say. He's not good with casual conversations or comforting words. It is usually his brother who knows how to say the right thing at the right time.

"I wish Wei-xiong was here." Wangji stills at the soft whisper, "He would know what to do- no one knows Resentful Energy like he did."

Wangji takes a deep breath, keeping his gaze fixed on the middle distance. "Mentioning him is forbidden." He has kept Wei Ying's name close to his heart, untainted and loved instead of being tossed around and slandered.

His Wei Ying.

"You don't need to pretend to dislike him," Nie Huaisang says, eyes fixed on his brother, "Unlike everyone else, I knew his true self well enough. Almost as well as you did."

Wangji feels a curl of bitter amusement, "I did not know him."

Nie Huaisang waves his fan and remains silent for a long moment before speaking, "Believe me, Wangji-xiong, you were the only one who knew him."

Wangji has no reply.

--

Unfortunately, the situation does escalate beyond their control. Nie Mingjue has clearly lost control and is on the verge of qi deviation. He swings his sword aimlessly. Neither Wangji's guqin nor Xichen's flute do much to help.

Nie Huaisang is screaming, struggling against Jin Guangyao, trying to reach his increasingly volatile brother.

Nothing is helping. Wangji fears he may be forced to watch his brother's closest friend die.

Later, when questioned, he would say his prayer had been instinctive, coming deep from within him. He would say that he hadn't even thought when he spoke those words. That it hadn't even registered when he opened his mouth and said them out loud.

But in that moment, feeling something very close to panic at the sight of Nie Mingjue teetering close to the edge, he breaths out,

"Wei Ying, help."

The air around them stills the moment the last syllable slips past his lips. Nothing moves, no one speaks, the absence of sound was almost deafening.

Wangji feels the hair on his body stand on end the sound of swishing fabric fills the frozen atmosphere. He turns a little to see a swirl of black robes; rich, intricate, moving over the ground like smoke.

There's a fragrance of freshly dug earth and petrichor in the air, refreshing and earthy, but also strange. He's in the Unclean Realm and it hasn't rained in weeks.

Wangji takes a deep breath as the swish of fabric comes closer and then something as shockingly cold as snowmelt sweeps past him.

He already knows what he's about to see when he looks up.

Everything about him is pitch black. His hair is dark as ebony, falling down to the back of his knees. His robes seem to be made of shadows that suck in light. There are intricate lace and gold patterns on the sleeves. They look like talismans but Wangji cannot tell.

"Wei Ying," He calls softly.

Because Wangji knew it was him even before he saw him.

The air unfreezes and everyone comes to life once again, dazed and bewildered. Wangji hears Nie Huaisang draw in a sharp, shocked breath. He is the first to notice Wei Ying but others follow quickly. There are loud exclamations of surprise and many unsheathe their swords.

Wei Ying doesn't react. He lifts his hand, crooks a pale finger, and a mass of dark energy extracts itself from Nie Mingjue.

It is so quick, so unceremonious, that everyone is stunned.

Wei Ying studies it, condenses it into a small ball, and without pause, crushes it in his fist.

Nie Mingjue stumbles to his feet, clutching onto Baxia and staring at Wei Ying with wide eyes, "Wei Wuxian."

"You were destined to die today," Wei Ying says in a calm, dismissive tone, "The Nie Sect was destined to fade into obscurity." His voice is soft but there are layers to it, like a thousand individuals speaking in perfect harmony.

Nothing about Wei Ying is human. His voice is sonorous, entirely intimidating. His skin is as fair as white jade. His silver eyes are as bright as the moon. He looks regal, with an intricate hair piece holding the sweeping mass of ebony hair in place.

"You..." Xichen begins, looking just as hesitant as Wangji feels. Fortunately, his brother regains his composure quickly and bows, "Wei Wuxian, thank you for saving Nie Mingjue."

"I hold dominion over Justice." Wei Ying declares and Wangji carefully tucks his trembling hands behind his back, "Of course, I will answer the wishes of the most righteous man in Cultivation." He taps his chin with a smirk, an echo of a Wei Ying Wangji knows, loves, misses, "My affections for Lan Zhan play a part too, I suppose."

"Justice?" Nie Huaisang asks, "Because you died for a just cause?"

Wei Wuxian glances over his shoulder and Wangji meets that enchanting silver gaze with a racing heart.

"Perhaps," Wei Ying says teasingly, "I may be a deity, but even I am subject to the whims of fate."

He speaks as thought dominion over something like justice is an easy feat, like it doesn't imply immeasurable power.

"You were killed-" Nie Mingjue growls out, "For your unjust actions."

"Da-ge!" Xichen warns, glancing at Wei Ying warily.

"Don't remind me," Wei Ying says pleasantly, "For that call for justice still weighs heavy. You will all have to pay your dues, even you, Lan Zhan."

Wangji nods briefly, "I understand."

"Forgive me," Jin Guangyao interrupts, "Surely, you must understand our concern and puzzlement. Wei-gongzi, forgive me, you were-"

"You're not forgiven." Wei Ying tilts his head to the side, "I wonder, Jin Guangyao, if you think I am so easy to charm and deceive." Jin Guangyao stills, going worryingly pale, "You cannot kill me, slander me, manipulate others against me, or force me into a corner. I am Justice." Silver eyes sweep over all of them.

Wei Ying's eyes linger over Jin Guangyao's shaken expression before flickering over Xichen and Nie Mingjue.

"No one may escape me."

There's a sweeping wave of energy and everything freezes again.

Wangji remains stiff and silent as Wei Ying appears suddenly before him, leaning close enough that their breaths to mingle. Those eyes look even more otherworldly now, sparkling with the light of a thousand stars.

"Hanguang-jun," Wei Ying croons, "Don't keep your Wei Ying waiting for too long, hm?"

Wangji clenches his shaking hands, the proximity making his heart ache, "My Wei Ying?" He asks because he still remembers 'get lost' spoken in a hysterical, frenetic voice.

Wei Ying's expression softens a little, "Death gives clarity, my dear Lan Zhan. And ascension gives insight into fate and destiny. Wei Ying," He says and spins around cheekily, taking a few dancing steps away from him, "Wei Ying is always destined to be by Hanguang-jun's side." He winks, "Better hurry up! But not too soon! After our a-Yuan is old enough to stand on his own."

"Wei Ying - wait-"

The air starts moving again.

Wangji swallows and spins around, walking towards the gates of the Unclean Realm.

"Wangji-?"

"I must go ahead, xoingzhang, pray excuse me." He has no patience for Sect politics and formalities.

Wei Ying is waiting.

[houndsofcerberus]

Lament of a Father

Technoblade was a lot of things. In whispers passed along as he walked through the market he was a monster. In quiet reverence after turning the tides of a war he was a hero. In loud jeering after the tides of war had been changed he was a villain. In stories passed between families of a man on trade routes at midnight he was a benevolent spirit, a god even. He held many titles but the one he cherished, the one he would wear like a badge of honour until the day he died? Well he had only worn that one for a year, maybe less. He would never speak of it to anyone, never share that vulnerability to anyone. Except of course for the one who had tenderly taken the title from him. He was eternally grateful and indebted to Philza for what he had done, but chat occasionally disdained him for stopping them.

Tommy, despite looking so much like his dad, despite sharing his blond hair, his sapphire blue eyes full of life and curiosity, was well aware of the fact he was not his biological child. The only biological child his dad had ever had was his older brother Wilbur. Though it was easy to assume the opposite. Wilbur had taken after his mother, who had long since passed, her presence only existing by the picture pinned up on the fridge. She had been gone long before Tommy’s arrival, though his dad often spoke of how it was because of her invisible influence on him that made him take Tommy in. The story Tommy had only ever known was that his parents had left him behind. His brother, jealous of the time and the care his dad seemed to pour into Tommy but give him sparingly, had once told Tommy his parents didn’t want him. Had left him to die in the woods. He had never asked his dad because as far as Tommy was concerned they had. It didn’t matter to him how they had left him, it mattered that they left him at all. It mattered every time he heard the other kids whisper about how Tommy was a bastard child. Unloved. Unwanted. Out of place.

Tommy had been content never meeting his biological parents. That would be fine by him. Philza had been adequate. He had a roof, a home, a bed, food. Despite his brother’s occasional jealousy or the common squabbles between the two he was happy to have his brother. He wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, his parents must have been terrible people to leave him behind like they did.

Tommy stared from behind Wilbur at the stranger in their door whom their dad had been welcoming warmly. Tommy frowned, trying to look past the improvised mask made out of a hoglin skull, wondering if the slight tusks coming from the mans mouth were also not his own. He noted the long pink hair, the way he smelled strongly of blood despite the fact that there was none to be seen on this stranger. Tommy could see a crossbow on his back, a weapon his own dad didn’t wield but he’d seen occasionally used, shown off in weapon shows in town. People around here didn’t use crossbows. He also took note of both the axe and the sword on the man as well. The axe was not the woodcutter’s axe outside, but a battle axe. A mean looking thing, but the soft glow of it was mesmerizing and what little of the blade he could see was sharp, definitely for fighting. The sword was sheathed at the man’s hip, but the hilt he could see under the man’s red cape was ornate, a beautiful gold glinting in the light along with the rest of the man’s jewelry. There was a ruby at the bottom, looking like fire in the candlelight. Tommy froze as he looked back up at the man’s face, making eye contact. He frowned and stuck his tongue out indignantly.

“What’re you lookin at?” He snapped.

Technoblade had to suppress a soft chuckle at that. He was so small, hidden behind his brother, but he said it with such fire in his belly that Techno was half convinced that had he heard it on the battlefield he might have looked away. He looked back at Phil, who smiled fondly.

“Long time no see mate, we should talk,” he said softly.

“We should,” Techno replied, eyes flicking back to Tommy. In that moment though he wasn’t a young man, nor a child. He was an infant, held so tenderly in Techno’s arms.

He remembered the day as if it were yesterday. He had remembered it since it happened, he relived it over and over. Tommy’s mother had died. He wished he had known her longer. They hadn’t been married when Tommy came along, and she had been the opposite of Techno. She hadn’t lived long after Tommy was born. As was Techno’s luck seemed to be. She had known it and she had held the tiny golden haired baby who had her eyes and his father’s smile. So rarely given but a treat to be savoured. The tiny child had squealed and grinned at her once his crying had stopped, his eyes fixed on her until his father gently lifted him from her arms after they had gone limp. Techno had promised many things. But above all he promised that no matter the price their child would live the best life he could live. 

Technoblade had spent a little under a year with the title of father. He had cherished every second. He hadn’t believed he wanted to be a father, not until he was. He didn’t believe attachments were a good idea, but he would never regret this. Never. He had named the small child Theseus, he wanted his child bearing the name of a warrior. Of a man who had carried hardship and walked tall yet still. He wanted Theseus to be strong, he wanted the name to fit the man he knew his son would one day be.

He had spent the entire year carefully taking care of the child, despite the voices in his head screaming to rid himself of the danger. The danger someone would use this tiny bundle of giggles and straw blond hair and watery blue eyes against him. They insisted this helpless baby would be his demise. They chanted for blood but Technoblade would not concede. At least for that year. He would hold the child, speak softly of great heroes, of gods and of monsters. He would fall asleep, arms around this tiny life that had been left for him to care for, protecting him. He still believed wholeheartedly it was the best year of his life. The year he had replaced his old titles, the title of monster, of god, of hero, of villain. He would maintain for the rest of his life that father was the only title he would ever want.

“Please Philza,” came the strangled sob as Techno held out the bundled up child. “Please.”The rain had soaked through Techno’s clothing long ago, his hair soaking, though when Philza took the child into his arms he noted that there wasn’t a drop on the sleeping baby.

“Techno, are you sure? This is the greatest gift you could receive, are you positive you want to give it up?” Phil said sadly, looking up at Technoblade, soaked in rain. His crimson eyes were bloodshot and Phil knew his old companion well enough to know he had grown fond of the child he held. Fond enough to weather the storm.

“No. I’m not sure. I don’t want to give him up, if we lived in a perfect world I would never. I would hold him until the world burned around us. But you know damn well why I can’t.” Techno said, looking away, eyes landing on a framed image of Philza, his long gone wife, and his child. Theseus would be safe here. Theseus would be loved. It didn’t matter that Technoblade felt his heart was being ripped from his chest. He had come so close. He wouldn’t risk it again.

“Mate...” Philza said, face falling. “You can’t help it, you know you wouldn’t dare,” he said softly.

“I wouldn’t. They would. They tried. I am not putting him in danger by simply being alive in my presence. Please, please I am begging you. Take him. Take care of him like I can’t. He deserves better than to grow up to fear his own father.” Techno begged, holding back the tears that were stinging his eyes. 

“...okay...” Phil agreed, relenting. He offered the bundle back to Techno, offering a moment to say goodbye. Techno took the chance eagerly, holding the child close.

“I love you, more than you could ever understand. You are my heart and soul Theseus. Be a good man,” Techno whispered, the tears he’d been choking back betraying him and falling down his face. “I will always love you.” He added solemnly, taking another look at his sleeping son. So peaceful, so blissfully unaware. He handed Theseus back to Phil. “He gets nightmares, often. He doesn’t sleep well still, but this-“ Techno pulled out a stuffed animal, a simple plush toy his son adored, a stuffed cow, floppy and well loved, handing it to the other. “Warm milk and Henry help him sleep, he prefers to be held though, it makes him feel safe. He doesn’t like to be alone,” Techno rambled. Phil nodded, taking note of everything said until Techno reluctantly took his departure.

Tommy and Wilbur sat outside, pretending to play as they kept an eye on the window, watching the strange man inside talk to their dad. They were sat at the table, their expressions confusing for Tommy. Smiling but...not happy. Their dad had made the two of them tea after shooing the kids outside to play. The grass rippled around Tommy in the breeze as he ripped some of it up and let it fly away in the wind.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Tommy asked, staring at the back of the stranger’s head.

“Dunno. Maybe they’re finally taking you somewhere they’ll teach you to have manners,” Wilbur joked, tossing a dandelion he’d picked at Tommy.

“Shut up, if anything you’re the one who doesn’t behave,” Tommy replied easily, rolling his eyes and tossing the flower right back at Wilbur. Things hadn’t always been so easy between them. Tommy had been treated like he was precious cargo by their dad. Neither knew why, Wilbur didn’t care why. His dad was paying attention to Tommy not him. He didn’t like it. As they got older it got easier but there had once been a time where their ‘fights’ hadn’t been in jest. Where they actually meant it when they said they hated one another. Tommy could still tell Wilbur didn’t like that their dad clearly had a favourite but he no longer blamed Tommy. His relationship with his dad had soured mildly though their dad hadn’t seemed to notice.

“Phil I can’t tell him.”

“He deserves to know. I never told him anything, he’ll start looking one day and if he finds out that I never told him who you were when you were right here? When he could’ve asked questions? He’ll not only never forgive me, he’ll never forgive you.” Phil said. “He’s a stubborn little shit, he got that from you.”

“Phil he’s better off with whatever story he’s come up with in his head. He may not want the answers to the questions he has.” Techno said softly. “No child deserves to know their own father tried to kill them.” 

“Techno that wasn’t you and you know it. You’ve gotten a handle on chat now, you’re not the stupid kid who runs headfirst into battle without thought anymore. If what I’ve heard is right he’d be proud. You’ve won multiple tournaments, that’s something he’d find interesting.” Phil said.

“Phil please. You and I both know this won’t last. I’m not a person who stays out of trouble for long.”

“You’re going to regret this.”

“Don’t I always?”

Technoblade’s name had become well known by the siblings after that conversation. Phil hadn’t yet introduced them until years later when Techno showed up for one of Tommy’s birthdays, giving Phil a book and telling him to wait to give it to Tommy. Then came the Pogtopia vs Manberg war. Techno had played a major part in the war though his efforts were wasted once the president of Manberg dropped dead in front of them. Since that day Lmanberg had rebuilt the damage caused by both Wilbur and Techno. Phil had come back. But Techno’s reputation for being ruthless and dangerous hadnt faded. Nor had the knowledge he was a private person. Which is why when he found a certain young man in his house he had been shocked.

“What are you doing in my house?”

Tommy froze, looking up at Techno from where he was still climbing the ladder, head poking out from the hole he thought he’d hidden decently. Tommy tried to scurry back down but Techno caught him by the back of his shirt and easily lifted him off the ladder and set him on the ground.

“Why are you in my house?” He asked again.

“Well...someones clearly woken up on the wrong side of the bed!” Tommy said. “You’ve got to fix that temper big man, or else nobody will want to hang out with you,”

“I don’t want anyone to hang out with me. That’s the entire point. Get out.”

“God this place is ugly. You really should hire a decorator. I know someone who could help y’know, I could call them. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind helping you out. A charity case if you would. She’s great really.” Tommy rambled.

“Theseus.” Techno said firmly. For some reason this was what made Tommy shut up. It sent a chill down his spine and he felt like someone had poured ice water down his back. “Why are you living under my house?” Tommy couldn’t respond. He didn’t know why but the nickname Theseus that Technoblade had given Tommy made him falter every time without fail. Tommy attributed it to the speech Techno had made all that time ago, yelling for him to die like the hero he wished to be. Since then Techno had almost exclusively used that name in their few interactions. Sometimes it would be sternly, fewer times it was affectionate, though the name gained positive meaning the longer Tommy stayed with Technoblade. Techno spent time training Tommy, and soon even just spending time with him. Technoblade taught Tommy how to make his own weapons and how to make them near perfect after realizing how woefully terrible Tommy’s current weapon was, especially for his fighting style. 

Tommy had always been mesmerized by the way Techno fought. It was like he was dancing, every movement was muscle memory, every step rehearsed, measured. The way he locked his eyes onto his target but seemed to be oh so aware when eyes were on him. Watching Techno and Philza fight was a real treat. It was like watching a performance. Technoblade had clearly learned from Tommy’s dad, and Tommy wanted to hear the stories of their old adventures, though neither would give up the goods. Phil’s movements were airy, near effortless. Though he lacked the power Techno threw into every swing, and Techno lacked a lot of the effortless grace that Phil seemed to have a birthright to.

Tommy sat, transfixed as he watched his dad’s wings flare out, though unable to carry him now due to the large chunks burned away he still used them, catching himself as Techno shoved him back. Phil had a grin on his face as they sparred, though Techno’s face was as it always seemed to be, stony and unchanging. Tommy could’ve sworn that he saw the smallest glint of excitement in those wine red eyes. Techno had a tendency for nonstop movement, and redirecting his momentum. Techno had said, quite hypocritically, that it was a stupid move however. It took a lot more energy to redirect and change momentum and still have enough power for your hit. Though it seemed that Techno wasn’t lacking in power as the sparks flew between Phil and Techno’s swords, illuminating their faces briefly before being extinguished in the snow. Phil was considered better by many, but for whatever reason Tommy found Phil all too predictable. He liked the unbridled power and erratic movements that Techno made, the way he seemed to keep his eyes fixed on you as you sparred, attention unwavering and unyielding. It was intimidating and Tommy had never wanted to be on the other side of the sword when Techno really meant it.

He had never wanted it. Never wanted this. Lmanberg was crashing around him, exploding constantly, the crater going deeper as the noise of the explosions mixed in with the screaming of the withers. Tommy couldn’t take a breath without the acrid smoke stinging his lungs, couldn’t move without the raging fire below the platform he stood on warming his skin to a near unbearable extent. But somehow nothing hurt him more than the look of pure sorrow and rage in Techno’s eyes as he stood behind the crossbow, firework loaded, ready to kill Tommy. Ready to end him where he stood. Tommy cowered behind it, his voice ever steady despite the tears cleaning trails of soot off his face betraying him.

“Do it.” He said. “Prove me right.”

Techno took a breath and for a moment Tommy thought he was going to actually pull the trigger. He flinched as he heard the click of the trigger, and then the explosion of the firework. But he was fine. He opened his eyes and saw Technoblade reload his crossbow before putting it away. He pulled out his trident and looked up, holding his free hand out as the first raindrops fell.

“We part as we did the first time. I’ll miss you Theseus.” Techno said softly, pulling his arm back before launching into the air with his trident. Though Tommy swore he heard something he couldn’t decipher it over the loud roar of the withers, the pattering of rain, and the ever insistent booming of the explosives digging ever deeper. Tommy stood, rain soaking his hair and washing his face of the soot and ash of the country he once built with his brother. He once took back with his uncle. The country he had staked everything on from the beginning. It was gone. For good now. There was no rebuilding. Tommy exchanged a look with Tubbo, the two of them locking eyes. Neither said a word but they both knew, they both understood that it was over. Dream had won, and Technoblade and Phil had helped. Tommy was surrounded by people but he had never felt more alone in that moment. Not even in exile. And he couldn’t tell you why. Though maybe it had something to do with the red fur trimmed cape he still had hanging up at home and the axe that had once been a gift and was now stolen property in his enderchest.

Techno had stopped paying attention to any and all news regarding Tommy. He told Phil it didn’t matter. He didn’t care. He didn’t want to know. But they both knew he was lying through his teeth. He cared. A great deal. But that was the problem now wasn’t it? He had his son. He had an optimal time to tell him. And he was going to. Until Tommy charged into the community house. And Techno had watched in that moment as Tommy chose the corrupt government that had just prior ordered his execution and had imprisoned Phil. Tommy chose them over Techno, who had once more thought about retrieving the title of father. The title he missed every day of his life since he handed it to Phil.

“Tommy is dead.”

Techno’s blood ran cold. There was no way. No way. Phil turned and stared at Techno. Phil loved Tommy, he had. But they had grown estranged. Techno however? He had been attached to Tommy since the day he showed up under his house. Techno had grown close and lost Tommy but he still cared. He still loved his son. Techno didn’t love many things or people, but his son was one of those things.

Phil relaxed slightly as Techno joked, but he didn’t miss the way Techno rushed through the meeting, the way he bolted out of the room into the ever winding maze outside. Phil said his goodbyes before darting after Techno, going through the halls. He found him leaning against a wall, looking queasy. Phil didn’t even get to Techno before he heard him retch and a splatter. Phil saw him turn and wipe his mouth, face ashen and colourless, he was shaking violently and Phil could see how distant he was. Chat. Again.

“You good mate? Come back to me Techno. We can figure this out. Just breathe,” Phil said. “You’ll be o-“

“Do not finish that sentence.” Techno snapped, glaring at Phil. “He’s dead. I am not going to be okay.” Phil had seen Techno angry many times. But he’d never seen this look. The look of a man with nothing left to lose. It wasn’t even like he was looking at Technoblade anymore, not in the way he knew his beloved friend. It was more like staring a wild boar in the face. A very angry, very hungry wild boar. Phil stepped back, knowing very well he could find his throat ripped from his neck if he chose to move forward.

Techno took many long hours to calm, and by the time he had he was empty. It was like everything had been drained from him. Every ounce of Techno had been ripped out and all that Phil had left was the shell. His heart broke because he knew exactly how it had felt. He knew what it was like. After he lost Wilbur Phil had disappeared into the woods for days, he remembered killing anything that moved, hitting the trees until his knuckles bruised and bled just to feel something other than the all consuming sorrow and despair. Anything to stave off the feeling of emptiness. And it was like that until Techno set off. He said he was going to go train. Except he didn’t come back for what felt like years. Tommy had come to visit. As had Wilbur, newly revived from the dead. And Phil had nearly lost it, so relieved to see his son even if his son wasn’t thrilled to see him. It didn’t matter. Wilbur could tell him a million times that Phil no longer mattered, that he wasn’t family, and Phil would still just be relieved that he was okay. That he was alive.

He saw the way Tommy looked at them. Saw the jealousy in his eyes. He had tried so hard to stop him from feeling that when he was a kid but things were different. Things had changed. They didn’t talk much, they weren’t family like they had been. And Phil wanted Tommy to know he had family. But it wasn’t his story to tell. Not yet.

Techno had come back oh so very briefly, a week maximum. They celebrated his birthday, and Techno received a letter summoning him to the prison. Phil was apprehensive and when Techno didn’t come home that night, or the next day, or the day after that Phil started to worry. He had read the will. He knew the plan. But he didn’t like it. Too many things could go wrong. The next time Tommy visited Phil was a wreck. Tommy did his best to comfort Phil but honestly Tommy was worried too. He knew Techno could handle himself. He knew what Techno was capable of but he also knew what Dream and Sam were capable of. 

Phil however was worried about several things. He had faith Techno would be fine, he always was, but… there was a nagging in the back of his brain. He needed to tell Tommy. No matter what he needed to tell him. If Techno died in the prison Tommy should know, and if he got out as planned then Tommy should get to be allowed to know his father. He shouldn’t know before it’s too late, especially when it might already be too late. 

“Tommy?”

“Yeah Phil?” Tommy replied, picking up the two mugs he had, each with tea in them. He set one down in front of Phil at the table and sat nearby, looking at him. Phil looked like a fucking wreck. There were deep circles under his eyes, he looked exhausted and he seemed older in that moment than Tommy could ever remember him looking before.

“I need to tell you something. The truth.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it right now, you can tell me later,”

“No. I have to tell you.” Phil said adamantly. He knew if he didn’t say it now he never would. And Tommy might never get to know Techno as his dad instead of a friend or mentor. He wanted Tommy to have a dad. He owed it to him after he had suddenly stopped being one. “I knew your parents. Your mother and father, they were friends of mine. Your mom is… she’s not around…” Phil said quickly. He kept going before Tommy could react. “Your father. He’s a friend. He’s still alive.”

“…what?” Tommy asked, voice quiet. 

“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you.”

“Why didn’t you? I spent years wondering what the fuck was wrong with me or my parents that they dropped me in the middle of nowhere, why the fuck didn’t you say anything?” Tommy asked, rage and pain clear in his voice. Years of self loathing, of wondering why he wasn’t good enough, why he was abandoned. Why he didn’t get to have a family. Why he didn’t get to know his father at the very least.

“There’s a lot you don’t understand, I wish I could’ve told you but I couldn’t Tommy,” Phil answered.

“There’s a lot that you don’t understand! I’ve been wondering every day of my life why I wasn’t good enough! Why I couldn’t be happy, why I didn’t deserve to have my own family! You had the answers and you just didn’t give them to me!” Tommy yelled, standing up and banging his fist on the table. “Who? How many times have I met my father and you didn’t say a word? How many interactions did I have where you didn’t tell me I could’ve asked him questions? How many times was he right there?” Phil looked down and sighed, shaking his head. He didn’t wanna say it.

“Tommy….” Phil sighed softly, looking at Tommy. He was right to be pissed. Phil knew that. But he wished he wasn’t. 

“Tell me! For once in your fucking life be honest Phil! You’ve been lying to me for years, you owe me this! You owe me this cause I died and you didn’t bother to care!” Tommy screamed, tears running down his face. “Owe up to it for once in your life.” 

“It’s Technoblade.” Phil choked out. He swore, Tommy almost lunged for his neck to choke him. In that moment he looked so much like his dad. He was so angry. He’d never seen Tommy this angry before, not even on doomsday. Phil would’ve let him strangle him, he’d deserve it. But Tommy didn’t. He slammed his fist into the wall.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He yelled. It was so loud and Phil could hear his voice almost giving out. “He was right here! This whole fucking time! What the fuck is wrong with both of you? You had months, months to tell me!” He screamed, his voice quavering. “You’re both full of shit!” He screamed, turning around and storming out. The door slammed and Phil flinched, hearing the pictures on the wall rattle. He didn’t think it would go this badly. Granted he didn’t know how it would go when he said it. Phil sighed and put his head in his hands. He fucked up. He was gonna regret this.

Techno regretted going into that prison. By the time he got out thanks to the stasis chamber and an ender pearl. He felt himself teleport and stumbled as he found himself in the syndicate’s meeting room. He felt someone grab him and he flinched away.

“Calm down mate, it’s alright, it’s me,” Phil’s voice said softly. Techno looked around confusedly, breathing quickly and seeing it was in fact the syndicate room, not Pandora’s Vault. Phil pulled him along and had him sit down at one of the chairs. “You alright?” Phil asked, stepping back and looking at Techno. He looked like shit. He was thinner, he was pale and shaky. He looked like he didn’t know which way was up. “What the fuck happened in there mate?” 

“It sucked. The syndicate has a responsibility to take it down, it’s as corrupt as anything could be.” Techno sighed.

“I can see that mate.”

“They don’t really feed you in there… Tommy was in there wasn’t he?” Techno asked. Phil paled.

“Yeah… he was.” Phil said, sighing. “Listen I…I have to tell you something Techno. It’s about Tommy.” 

“Is he okay? Did something happen to him?” Technoblade asked immediately, looking terrified.

“No, no he’s fine. I fucked up though mate. I’m sorry, I told him. I didn’t know whether things would go as planned or not, he deserved to know while you were still alive.” Phil said quickly, not looking at Techno. He heard the other sigh.

“….I suppose we owed it to him. Better sooner than later.” Techno sighed, shaking his head. “How’d he take it?” He asked, looking at Phil and leaning back in the chair with a groan.

“Bad. He was….angry. Angry we didn’t say anything earlier. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so pissed.” Phil replied, sitting on the table. He left out just how much like his father he had looked for that moment. Tommy looked like his mother but he certainly had some of his father in him. Techno’s face had fallen more. Phil hadn’t seen Techno cry in ages, but he looked close. Tears in his eyes that he was too proud to let fall. Techno shook his head as if it would shoo them away and stood.

“He’s not wrong to be angry.” Techno said softly. Phil nodded and walked with him up the staircase to the igloo concealing the entrance. “I was going to tell him. Why didn’t I? I should’ve told him. Things were good. He deserved to have my honesty,” Techno muttered under his breath. Phil opened his mouth to respond before closing it. He had a feeling Techno’s words weren’t for him. 

They arrived to their conjoined cabins in silence, and Techno told Phil that they would convene the syndicate later on, and that he was tired. Phil knew it was a lie but he didn’t push, he knew Techno would appreciate him leaving him be more than he would prying. Techno spent a few days in his cabin alone, trying very hard not to be angry with Phil. But who was left if not Phil? He couldn’t be angry at Tommy. Tommy was in the right. Theseus had every right to be pissed, to want nothing to do with him. So the only person left to blame was Technoblade. He spend hours muttering to himself, talking back and forth with chat. Chat seemed to be divided. Half believed it was the better thing to do, to keep it secret, the other said that he should’ve told Tommy ages ago. They weren’t wrong. He had a chance. In Pogtopia he had a chance. Before doomsday, before the community house he had a chance. Tommy had been through hell and back, and Technoblade could’ve prevented it, but he didn’t. His own son died because he had stayed silent. Techno slammed his fist into the wall before letting out a soul shattering scream of frustration. How could he have been so stupid?

Tommy stood outside the houses, staring between the turtle shell helmet in his hands and the cozy inviting cabin he’d once called home. At one point it had been entirely alone, nothing but Carl in his stable outside but now it was busy. The house stood facing Phil’s own cabin, a small pond below the bridges connecting them, beacons shining nearby, Ranboo’s house not so far, a large herd of cows in a pen, polar bears inside and outside the house, a dog kennel and several dogs lounging in and out of it. It was nothing like the desolate and lonely house Tommy had last seen it as. He took a breath and shook his head. Clearly Technoblade was fine. He had Ranboo, Phil, his animals. He wouldn’t be alone. It was a bittersweet thought. On one hand he didn’t want Technoblade to be left entirely alone. He was angry but…Techno had been kind to him. Given him gifts, a home, hidden him. But on the other hand…it felt like Tommy was being abandoned, replaced. Ranboo had taken his spot as Tubbo’s best friend. Hell they were married and raising a child. Now Ranboo was living happily alongside Technoblade and Phil. Tommy wasn’t a fan of the pattern he was seeing. But unfortunately Ranboo was disgustingly pleasant. He considered turning back, maybe even just tossing the shell onto the porch by the door and making a run for it before anybody saw him, but in his moment of hesitation the decision was made for him. Techno closed the door behind him and turned, freezing, bow slung over his shoulder.

“…you weren’t supposed to see me here.” Tommy said hesitantly when he realized Techno wouldn’t say anything first.

“Your helmet,” Techno said, pointing at the turtle shell clenched in Tommy’s hands. 

“Yeah. I was going to return it to you.” Tommy said, shrugging awkwardly.

“…why?”

“You know why. Don’t act stupid.” Tommy said glaring at Techno. “You can’t expect me to not be upset after finding out you abandoned me and lied to me my whole life. I know you’re not good with people but you can’t be that stupid.”

“I’m sorry, I know, I was just… you should keep the helmet Theseus-“

“Don’t call me that. Don’t use that stupid fucking nickname!” Tommy yelled.

“…I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t make up for it, but I promise you I didn’t want it to go the way it did.” Techno said, sighing.

“You’d take it back? Fat load of good that does now.”

“No. I’d do the same. Not this part. Not keeping it a secret.”

“Thanks. Makes me feel so much better to know you still don’t want me.” Tommy said sarcastically. 

“What? Of course I wanted you.” Techno said, frowning and walking down the steps to stand in front of Tommy.

“Then why did you get rid of me so easily? Why didn’t you want me to know you?” Tommy asked, rage boiling in his chest.

“Giving you to someone else was the hardest thing I ever did. I spent a year as your dad, your first word was papa, you were my heart and soul.” Techno said softly. “I had to give you to someone else. I had to give you a better home Tommy.”

“Why couldn’t you have kept me?” Tommy asked, the venomous tone in his voice dying down slightly.

“Come, I’ll tell you everything. It’s too cold out here and you don’t have a coat,” Techno said, walking back up the stairs. Tommy was going to refuse, but his legs moved automatically, and he followed Techno inside. Techno gestured for him to sit at the table and filled the kettle with water, setting it on the wood stove and pulling out cups. “Usual?” Techno asked, looking over his shoulder. Tommy nodded and watched Techno pull out the sugar and milk. The tea was done quickly and Techno set Tommy’s cup in front of him, sitting across the table from him. “How much do you want to know?” Techno asked after taking a breath. 

“Everything. I want you to be honest with me.” Tommy replied curtly.

“Alright. I suppose I should start with your name. Theseus is your actual name, Tommy was a nickname. Your mom called you Tommy, so it stuck.” Techno admitted.

“It…wasn’t just a stupid nickname?”

“No.”

“You have terrible taste in names big man.” Tommy said, a hint of a smile on his face.

“Yeah, you may be right on that,” Techno replied, laughing. 

“My mother…what happened?” Tommy asked.

“She died a few hours after you were born. There were some issues, we knew she wasn’t gonna make it weeks before, so she decided that she would just hold you until she went. And she did just that.” Techno sighed. Tommy couldn’t figure out the look on Techno’s face. He seemed to be both sad and happy at the same time. It was odd, he hadn’t seen Techno look like this before. 

“Did you love her?”

“Absolutely. The only person I ever loved more is you.” Techno replied easily. “We didn’t get married, but it didn’t matter much to us.”

“What was she like?” 

“She was…like you actually. Everything I could only hope to become. She was kind, happy, she was always smiling. She saw the good in everything and everyone, and she stood up for what she believed in regardless of the cost. You look just like her, you have her hair and her eyes. You’re more her than me, that’s a good thing.” Techno said, smiling fondly on the memories of her. He saw so much of her in Tommy and he was unbelievably grateful for it.

“So…why did you give me up then? If you were so happy to have me or whatever?” Tommy asked, not looking at Techno. He heard him sigh deeply and almost retracted the question but decided not to. He had a right to know.

“You know about chat? The voices I hear?” Tommy nodded in response. “Well… sometimes chat is too hard for me to handle. Sometimes they take over. Sometimes they win. And one night they almost did.” Techno reached out and held Tommy’s jaw loosely, thumb running over the scar there. “They almost won and I almost lost you. You deserved a dad who didn’t try to kill you. You deserved a stable family, I didn’t want you to grow up not feeling safe cause I couldn’t control myself. So I gave you to Phil.” Techno pulled away and sighed, leaning back in his seat.

“Did you ever wish you hadn’t?” 

“That’s…hard. I wish I didn’t have to. I wish it wasn’t what had been best at that time. I wish I hadn’t needed to do it, but I don’t regret it. I would’ve loved to have been your father for as long as I lived. But I wasn’t about to risk your life for my happiness.” Techno explained.

Tommy had wanted to stay angry. Some pet of him still was, deep down. He still wanted to hit and scream and throw a tantrum, but the other part, the larger, more rational part, the part of him that had been through everything including death and war, felt the anger wash away. He hadn’t been abandoned. He was wanted. He was loved. He was cared for. It had been out of necessity, not because Techno just didn’t want him. Tommy couldn’t remember the scar, or getting it. Some part of him was scared but he remembered doomsday. Techno had a clear chance to kill him. To end it there. But he didn’t. He knew Techno wouldn’t hurt him, even if he was pissed. 

“…I died.” Tommy said quietly. He heard Techno draw in a sharp breath.

“I know.”

“Did…did you care?”

“It destroyed me. I almost killed Philza. There’s a grave site on a mountain a few hours from here. I carved the headstone and planted the flowers. I cared.” Techno said quietly. Tommy let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and with it came a river of tears. Sixteen years of anger, frustration, misery, loneliness, isolation, all of it, came rushing out as he nearly choked on his sobs. He wiped at his eyes quickly, trying to stop himself but he couldn’t. He kept sobbing and the tears kept coming. He felt arms wrap around him and let them pull him onto the ground. He leaned into someone, sitting on their lap. It took a few moments for him to realize it was Techno.

Tommy turned and buried his face into his shoulder, sobbing freely into it, soaking Techno’s shirt with tears. He felt Techno gently rubbing his back and quietly mumbling as he kept crying, encouraging him to let it out. It felt like forever before he stopped, head pounding, eyes burning and exhausted. He drew in a deep shaky breath, sitting up again and laughing pitifully.

“This is your fault,” he said lightly, not actually angry.

“I’ll try to stop messing up,” Techno replied, laughing and smiling. He gently brushed the hair in Tommy’s eyes behind his ear and smiled at him. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. I was going to but I just…didn’t.” Techno added, sighing.

“It’s okay…well it’s not but… I forgive you,” Tommy said. He paused for a moment. “I wouldn’t mind if later you were my dad again,” he added tentatively. Techno’s face lit up.

“You mean it?” He asked.

“Yeah…we can try again.” Tommy said, nodding.

“I’ll do better,” Techno said sincerely. He paused and thought. “Can I call you Theseus?” He added.

“Yeah…I’m okay with that. Only you though. It’s a dumb name,” Tommy replied, smiling. Techno laughed and nodded.

“Fair enough. Thank you for giving me another chance kid,” Techno said softly, holding Tommy close to his chest.

“Thank you for wanting to give it a shot,” Tommy answered, letting himself lean into Techno and relax for what felt like the first time in ages. It felt like home.

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/32077654

[padawanlost]

Hello there! I just wanted to ask about something that’s been confusing me real quick: did Anakin lord over others with his Chosen One status or not? Because I thought he was insecure, disliked all the expectations that came with it, and didn’t really believe in that old prophecy to begin with. But, in Jude Watson’s books he thinks he deserves all these things because of it and rubs that status in other faces? I just need some clarity please lol thank you so much and I adore your blog ❤️

No, not at all. If anything, one of Anakin’s biggest difficulties was to assert himself in front of others (specially people in power).

This is a man who is considered a hero of the galaxy, of the most powerful jedi ever, married, soon to be father, beloved and respect by his men and even complete strangers…yet…look at how easily he submits.

If Anakin had been anything like some ‘fans’ like to pretend he was, he wouldn’t be the character portrayed on screen. He’d more like characters like Tony Stark, someone who is completely confident in his abilities and is not ashamed to admit it. But that’s NOT the character we see on screen, or anywhere else for that matter.

The Jedi Council didn’t want me, either. Being the Chosen One didn’t count for anything. Master Yoda wouldn’t train me, or Windu. Every member of the Jedi Council had had something more pressing to do than help him work out what this terrible, galaxy-changing power of his meant, and how he should live in its shadow. He still wasn’t sure. Anakin recalled standing there in that grand, polished Jedi Council Chamber, surrounded by what felt like fear, and disdain, and bewilderment—who were those Masters to feel bewildered, that the only person there who cared if he lived or died was Master Qui-Gon Jinn. And they stopped him training the Chosen One. Qui-Gon hadn’t cared what the Jedi Council said. He’d trained him anyway, a Padawan in all but name. Why am I thinking of all this now? Haven’t I put it behind me? Haven’t I had enough bad memories since then to take their place? Haven’t I vindicated Master Qui-Gon? [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

Anakin enjoyed praise from Obi-Wan, but often became sullen when he was reprimanded. Obi-Wan assured him that he himself had been frequently reminded by Qui-Gon to be more mindful of the Force, but somehow even the slightest criticism managed to leave Anakin feeling stung. First they tell me to do my best, then they tell me I’ve gone too far! ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

Despite Anakin’s desire to distance himself from the slave he had once been, he was unable, or unwilling, to shed the other aspects that had defined him on Tatooine. He still dreamed of glory, still craved adventure, and never lost his appetite for high-speed thrills and the desire to prove himself in competition. THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

Anakin was liked by the other students, but he had no close friends. He was not loved. Obi-Wan told himself that Anakin’s gifts naturally set him apart. But in his heart, he grieved for Anakin’s loneliness. JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE WAY OF THE APPRENTICE]

Just when Anakin thought he’d passed that elusive finishing line that said adult, experienced, seen it all, he realized he was still twenty, Jedi or not, and the wounded boy in him still rose to the surface—provoked into angry violence, scared of abandonment, and still in need of approval. KAREN TRAVISS [STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS NOVELIZATION]

[Obi-Wan] knew, glancing at his Padawan’s eager face, that Anakin meant well from the bottom of his heart. If Obi-Wan saw a shadow on that heart, he knew it would pain his Padawan to know it. In many ways, Anakin was still a boy. A wounded, loving, anxious boy with great gifts he did not fully understand. Yet he was also a young man, close to maturity, who could do great harm. To others, yes. To himself, most of all JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE SCHOOL OF FEAR]

“I just…” Anakin stopped. He took a ragged breath. “I thought you would be proud of me.” I am proud of you. Obi-Wan wanted to say the words. They were true. He was proud of so much in Anakin. But now was not the time to tell him that. Or was it? JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE SCHOOL OF FEAR]

Fixing broken machines was like a meditation. Fixing broken machines was an antidote to every pain, every loss, every fear, every defeat. Fixing broken machines kept him from going mad. CLONE WARS GAMBIT: STEALTH

You are very observant, Ferus, but you must accept that I know him better than you,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “Anakin can be arrogant. I know that. But he is also learning and growing. He is respectful of his great power. He does not abuse it. He is younger than you, but he has seen much injustice, many terrible things. I do not think it so wrong that he wants to change things. You must understand that it isn’t ambition that drives him. It is compassion. OBI-WAN KENOBI IN STAR WARS – JEDI QUEST: THE CHANGING OF THE GUARD BY JUDE WATSON

Taking them, she looked up at him and shook her head, even though it still ached. “It’s odd. You’re nothing like I expected.” “Why?” he said, perching on the edge of the nearby chair. “What did you expect?” “I don’t know,” she said, floundering. “I can’t say I’ve ever given the Jedi much thought. I mean, not as individuals. I never expected to meet one—let alone two. I don’t tend to go places where your skills are needed. But—well—you’re gentle.” That made him smile. “As opposed to what?” She swallowed the pain-tabs, washing them down with a mouthful of water. “Oh. You know. The HoloNet news—it portrays as you as this—this—heroic warrior. Larger than life. Charging into battle, lightsaber flashing. Scourge of the Separatists. That kind of thing.” She shrugged. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

“Ten years in this place, and still he was an object of interest. Of speculation. All their hopes and dreams hanging on him like decorations on a bantha skeleton at Boonta Eve. He hated it.” [Clone Wars: Wild space, Karen Miller]

[Anakin] did not like the fact that he had won. It seemed wrong that he had stepped so far out of line, and yet had been retained as a Padawan. He did not like the unease this victory, if victory it was, produced in him. Above all weaknesses, arrogance was the most costly. They keep me here because I have potential they’ve never seen before. They keep me in training because they’re curious to see what I can do. I feel like a rich man who never knows whether his friends are true-or whether they just want his money. This was a particularly galling thought, and certainly neither true nor fair. Why do they put up with me, then? Why do I keep testing them? [Greg Bear’s Rogue Planet]

The only piece of media where Anakin is more ‘openly’ arrogant is in The Clone Wars (2008) but even then, he doesn’t flaunt his alleged ‘status’ over everyone. His arrogance is reflected more through his disobedience, not open defiance and antagonist behavior towards his peers.

But hey, what do Hayden Christensen, George Lucas and most Star Wars writers know? lol

PS: thank you! <3

[cursed-or-not]

Merry Christmas @dreamnovak  from your Secret Santa!! You’re truly, truly The Best and I’ve had sm fun writing for you <33 happy holidays to everyone!!

It’s a slow day at the Roadhouse, and the cold has crept in through the rickety doors and floorboards. Dean shivers behind the counter.

He thinks one day he’ll have to get around to fixing the insulation.

The air feels like snow.

Across the counter, Cas watches him intently.

“You look cold,” he says finally.

Dean shrugs. “Not too bad. Feels like it’s gonna snow, though.”

Cas’ head tilts in confusion. “How do you predict snow with just a feeling?”

Dean stares back at him, affronted. He couldn’t explain how, but he’s spent enough time driving around the Midwest to recognize the heaviness of the air and smell of an oncoming storm.

“It’s in the air, Cas! Don’t look at me like that. I know what it feels like before a storm.”

Cas seems to decide to back down.

“Well, I hope it’s a good thing,” he mumbles.

This time, it’s Dean’s turn to look puzzled.

“The snow?”

Cas nods.

“Jack decided to keep all four seasons. I believe he said something about maintaining authenticity.”

“It’s a good thing,” Dean assures him simply.

Cas barely nods in acknowledgement, eyes scanning the empty tables. Dean picks up on his gaze.

“If you really wanna fix something, it wouldn’t hurt for Jack to give me a few more customers,” Dean quips, knocking his knuckles on the counter where Cas sits alone.

“We can’t force people to support your business,” Cas grumbles. “I thought you believe in free will.”

“Woah, I was just saying it’d be nice,” Dean defends. He wonders if Cas can tell from his face that the comment elicited the exact response he’d been looking for. Dean has found over the last few months that there’s no one he’d rather banter with than Cas.

“Well, you might do better to attempt to attract customers on your own.” Cas says it so sincerely that Dean knows he’s just doing it to tease him.

“Hey!” Dean responds, making his voice as wounded as he can manage.

When Cas just smiles, Dean leans towards him, resting his elbows on the counter, and continues.

“I mean, at least I know there’s one customer I can always count on to show up,” Dean says with a smile.

“If you’re referring to me, I don’t come because of your incredible business practices,” Cas responds, and Dean can’t tell if it’s an insult to his work ethic or a compliment to his personality.

Dean decides to take whatever it means and push his luck.

“Yeah? What keeps bringing you back then?”

At that, Cas looks up, and any teasing is gone from his expression.

“You know the answer to that,” he says simply, and Dean can feel his face burning.

He’s been dancing around this every possible chance.

“Cas…” Dean says softly, eyes fixed firmly on the counter.

“Dean,” Cas echoes, and Dean can practically hear the sad smile behind that tone.

Dean risks a glance up, and Cas’ eyes are searching his face. Dean looks back down.

“It’s okay, you know” Cas says simply. Sincerely.

Dean lets out a breath.

Cas continues, “I know you need more time. I think it’s a testament to how much you’ve grown that you were even willing to tell me that much, and I appreciate your honesty.”

Dean shakes his head barely perceptibly.

“Hey,” Cas says gently, and his hand moves like he might reach out before it falls back. “It’s okay,” he repeats.

God. Sometimes Dean wishes Cas wouldn’t make everything seem so easy and so difficult at the same time. He wishes it didn’t always have to be so complicated with them.

He wishes Cas wouldn’t tell him that it’s okay when Dean is still struggling to work up the courage to be happy.

Dean looks up.

“It’s not,” Dean says, and Cas looks ready to object, so Dean just pushes forward.

“I mean, some of it is. I’m not saying I’m not worthy or I did something wrong, but I’m saying I didn’t do it like I should’ve and I--” Dean pauses, searching for whatever it is he wants to say. “I’m not sure it was fair to you,” he says carefully.

Cas’ expression softens.

“Dean,” he says, and he always manages to say Dean’s name like it’s more than it is. He always manages to put so much meaning into it. “I’ve waited my entire life-- a millenia-- for you. A few weeks is nothing.”

Dean feels like he’s had all the air knocked out of him. Before, he couldn’t look Cas in the eye, but now he can’t stop searching his face.

Dean takes a breath to steal himself, and he feels his resolve crumble. He reaches across the counter to catch Cas’ hand in both of his.

“I’m never gonna deserve you,” Dean tells him, and his throat feels almost too tight to get the words out.

“No,” Cas objects. “No. Dean, I meant every word I told you that night. Not just the ‘I love you,’” Cas says, and his voice is so fierce that Dean can’t help but look away. Cas’ other hand comes up to rest on Dean’s, too.

“You’re a hero, Dean,” Cas says simply. “And the best brother, father, and friend in this universe or any other. And,” Cas adds with a smile, “you’re an above-average bartender.”

“Above average, huh?” Dean asks, eyes still prickling with tears but chest less tight than before.

“The best of the mediocre,” Cas confirms, and Dean lets out a snort at the deadpan humor.

He lets the moment hang in the air for a moment before speaking up.

“Maybe I just need a good business partner,” Dean says slowly, watching Cas’ face carefully.

Cas waits for Dean to say more, and Dean supposes that’s fair; it’s his turn.

“I don’t… I don’t want to do this alone anymore,” Dean says, forcing his voice to sound more matter-of-fact than he feels. “None of it.”

Cas’ face softens again, looking impossibly fond.

“You always have me,” he says with such conviction that Dean chokes out what could pass as a laugh.

“Thanks, man.” He clears his throat. “Thank you. But, uh, I was thinking maybe we try to do things differently. Only if you want,” Dean says, heart pounding. He hopes Cas doesn’t feel his hands shaking.

“Differently?”

Dean shrugs, doing his best to look indifferent.

“As I said, I’m with you no matter what, but if you wanted to specify…” Cas trails off expectantly.

Dean clears his throat again, looking down to where his hands previously held Cas’.

“Differently, like, maybe we see each other more. Not just here, but-- dinner and stuff,” Dean finishes lamely.

Cas narrows his eyes.

“We already do eat dinner together sometimes.”

“You’re killing me, man,” Dean huffs a laugh before taking a deep breath and trying again. “Okay, so, maybe we also… live together?” Dean says nervously, risking only a quick glance to see Cas’ face.

“I’ve already lived with you, in the bun--”

“Cas, I’m trying to tell you I’m in love with you,” Dean snaps.

Cas’ eyes don’t leave Dean’s face as he responds with a simple, “Oh.”

“‘Oh?’ What the hell does ‘oh’ mean?!”

Cas almost looks amused.

“You already know I love you, too,” he points out, and Dean hates how rational a thing to say it is.

“Things could’ve changed,” Dean points out in a half-hearted attempt to defend himself.

‘They haven’t,” Cas says, and Dean can’t help but stare at him in wonder. “They won’t.”

“Yeah. Okay,” Dean says hoarsely. He wishes he could only blame the cold for the goosebumps on his arms.

“Thank you for talking to me,” Cas murmurs, and Dean feels himself melt at the softness of it.

Dean thinks he couldn’t have put this off any longer if he tried.

“Thank you for being… you,” Dean responds, and something in his chest aches at the fondness in the look Cas responds with.

Dean’s hand finds its way back to Cas’.

“You were right, you know,” Cas says suddenly, and Dean waits for him to specify. “It started snowing a couple minutes ago,” he mutters, and Dean laughs at the reluctant confession.

He looks out throught the fogged-up window, and the snowflakes swirl lazily downward. Circling and then falling.

“Guess that means you’re stuck with me for a little while,” Dean says with a smile.

Neither of them point out the fact that Cas has his wings back, nor does Dean acknowledge that the few flakes outside aren’t nearly enough to prevent anyone from driving.

“I guess I am,” Cas responds. He glances outside. “Through tomorrow too, I expect. Just in case the storm continues.”

Dean nods in mock solemnity. “Probably safest for you to stick with me for a month or so, actually. Maybe the next year or two. You never know with storms like this.”

They watch the snow keep coming. Cas squeezes Dean’s hand.

“Thank you, Dean,” he says, and Dean’s not quite sure what the gratitude is for, but he accepts it. He leans farther across the counter, squeezing Cas’ hand.

“You, too-- for everything. Thanks, Cas.”

“You still look cold,” Cas says suddenly, and Dean huffs a laugh.

“Well, guess you’ll have to keep me warm,” he responds smoothly.

“Until the storm’s over,” Cas agrees.

“Oh,” Dean says, pretending to check his watch as he leans in closer, “I think longer than that.”

Cas breathes into the small space between them, and then Dean bridges it.

Around them, the snow keeps falling.

Settling.

[serenadeonacanoe]

Honestly, I'd piss him off on purpose. (Namjoon x OFC)

Pairing: Namjoon x Original Female Character

Genre/Warnings: Smut, Angst, Fluff, too tired to beta

Tags: Artist!Namjoon, Yoongi and Tae are the best flatmates, Enemies to Lovers I guess... more like brats to making out in the storage unit, OFC is an idiot.

Summary:

"Wow. Is that that grumpy artist behind you? Jesus. He really looks like a bit of a dick. And you are right. He really is hot..." Oh no. Speakerphone. Namjoon was standing behind me and was staring at me. Then at my phone. He let out a little laugh, then raised his hand to wave at Tae and Yoongi outside who were now also staring at him as if frozen, before turning around in unison. As if that would help. As if he couldn't see them. Or better even... couldn't hear them.

[...]

Mister Darcy has nothing on Kim Namjoon - that new and upcoming artist you probably already heard of (You haven't? How dare you? At least have the decency to pretend you have!). He is cold, serious, and rather good at making other people believe he is a prick. Especially Elizabeth Bennet - uh... Charlotte - is about to lose it because of him. Maybe in a good way. Man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

More chapters on AO3

CHAPTER 1

Even the sound of my own nails rhythmically tapping on the top of the counter was annoying me. To be fair, it didn't need much today to blow my fuze that had never been particularly long in the first place. But after a week consisting of being belittled by old white men and endless hours of unpaid overtime I about had it. Welcome to the art world. You know well before you enter that the hours are horrible and the job market is more than frustrating, but you love art and you have good organisational skills, you are resilient, charming when it counts and tend to romanticize things even when you know you shouldn't. It's too late to turn around now.

"That is why I don't use an agenda or notebook. If something is important enough for me to attend I simply won't forget. I know you youngsters are all about the bullet journaling and expressing yourself by mapping out your life but it really is just another way to procrastinate instead of getting to actual work." For a second I considered throwing my damn notebook in the buyer's face, but that probably wouldn't have helped my CV and the new job I would have to look for starting tomorrow. At least I should have screamed at him a little. Mainly, that I didn't care, that I was on my period and my shitty shower in the shitty flat i shared had broken and no dry shampoo in the world had fixed my hair this morning and that god damn it, how the hell was I supposed to remember every phone number, every call my boss had to take, every art handling transport I had organized if I couldn't write it down somewhere. Instead, I smiled. Died a little on the inside and complimented him on the gift of his exceptional memory and asked whether he would like another cup of coffee.

"What a dick." Samantha murmured, more to herself than me, after the guy had finally left, which made me snort under my breath. She usually didn't say much but when she did it was usually pure gold. In the end, it didn't matter that he was. Didn't matter that everyone at the gallery thought the art he had bought from us over the last couple of months had neither been smart nor impressive purchases. Mainly expensive. And flashy.

"Doesn't matter now." I said in a sigh after a quick glance at the clock. It was Friday night and we were about to close. Since it was my birthday on Monday I had taken two days off, about the longest break I had had this year and I was looking forward to being the lazy slob for a few days I was maybe always meant to be. In silence we answered a few last emails, tidied up the desks and counters so that potential buyers that would come in over the weekend wouldn't have to suspect anyone was actually working here. - A white desk. A huge Imac on it. That was all they needed to see, folders and pens and apparently especially agendas to be hidden away in drawers.

At five to eight I threw on my coat and Samantha just gave me a tired smile. Probably happy for me, just exhausted. "Have fun then? Don't get too wasted?" "Oh..." I said with a huge smug grin on my lips. "You have no idea... gonna take a bottle of Moët with me from the bar and drink it in my bathtub after eating a huge pepperoni pizza by myself and dancing to only the finest of 90s Euro Trash." I couldn't help it, apparently, I felt it necessary to give Sam a little demonstration, waving my arms up and down while swaying my hips in a way that I'd probably would not have if it hadn't been for a bit with an audience of a single person. Or maybe two?

A quiet scoff behind me and I quickly turned around, slowly lowering my arms, Sam biting her lower lip at the sight of me standing there like an idiot in front of HIM of all people.

Men didn't have to be old to annoy me. Or white. Yes, those were the ones that pissed me off most usually, but no one had managed to do so as much as Kim Namjoon recently. And now he was standing there, looking me up and down and stopping at my hair. The crazy too-much-dry-shampoo-because-the-shower-broke-hair. "Nice." He just commented and then looked over at Sam. "I'd like to take a last look before Sunday's opening if that is okay?" I stood there, my shoulders dropping, completely ignored.

"Uhm, actually, my babysitter has to leave in about an hour and I will have to be home before that." Samantha replied and I was impressed by how calm she stayed. "Of course." Namjoon said and gave her a slight smile. "Anyone else still around? Chris maybe?" Of course Chris hadn't been in today. It was Friday and unless important guests had announced themselves the owner of the gallery wasn't around on Fridays... "I am afraid not. But maybe Charlotte has a few minutes?" Well. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I felt a little betrayed. "Wouldn't want to keep anyone from their important Moët-Pizza-Dance Party plans." Namjoon replied before I could say a word. His voice once more dropping to a hushed, deep disapproval and his hands buried in the pockets of his rather expensive looking coat. Silence for a few moments and then he just walked off towards the room his exhibition had been set up all week. Showing without a further word that I would have to stay anyways if he wanted it that way.

"Well thank you for pushing me under the bus like that. Really appreciate it." "I am so sorry. But I was serious, I can't lose this babysitter. She got Jamie to eat vegetables. VEGETABLES!" Samantha suddenly seemed in a rush, grabbing her jacket and purse and showering me in promises she would make it up to me. Even though we both knew that wouldn't happen and wasn't necessary. Suddenly having to stay longer was normal. I just hated that it had to be today. And because of him.

I heard the door close behind Sam and I stood there for a second before putting my bag down again. Usually, I would have followed the artist, asking if I could somehow help, but nahhh... my ego was bruised up enough now, especially remembering the little dance. I closed my eyes. Fucking hated the guy. Always had. Well, not quite. I had thought he was cool for about five minutes when he had come in the first time. We had heard about him for quite a few months before, I think I had even seen pictures of him at some point, but those were nothing compared to him in real life. He came in all cheekbones and sharp chin and an all grey outfit, quick pace, observant gaze. Incredibly hot. He had also completely ignored me.

That's how it had started - a bruised ego. He couldn't know that it was my weak spot. Having studied art and its management and now feeling like a better secretary at times, when my colleagues and I were doing all the behind the scenes work while Chris worked very little hours and ended up with all the money and recognition. I was aware this wasn't the only field of work where this was the case, but it still frustrated me... I had imagined my life in the last years of my 20s to be a bit more glamorous than living in a tiny apartment on the outskirts of the city... spending my Friday night waiting for some rude artist dude to leave so I could lock up.

But what I perhaps hated most about him... was that I admired him. - Purely for his art. Really. Even the fact that he kept acting as if I wasn't around every time he came in didn't mean I couldn't admit that. At least to myself. The stories behind his huge colleagues were clever and thought through, but even without context, the pure aesthetics were mesmerizing. It was the kind of art that touched something deep inside of you and standing in front of it I always had a hundred questions. Whenever he brought in a new piece I was the first one to sneak a peek in the back rooms before it was hung.

"I don't get why you have such a problem with him. He is just... quiet. I think he might even be shy... stop being so sensitive and just ask him out already." I had almost strangled Sam for that comment a couple of weeks back. Stop being so sensitive. What did that even mean? Comments like that made me want to cry and scream at the same time, which probably would have been perceived as even more sensitive, but when had insensitivity become something to strive for? I had only kept quiet because I liked Sam and I knew what she had tried to say. At least I thought so. That I might have given less of a shit if I hadn't been rather attracted to Namjoon. Even though I had never mentioned it, she just knew. She knew if I didn't care about something I didn't waste my time on it. But if something made me angry or upset there was usually more to it. I hated that she could read me that easily. But he was still a dick and I still wanted to go home.

He took his sweet time. After an hour I walked up to him, a little speech prepared in my head about how he could come back first thing tomorrow. But when he turned around he just raised a hand between us to keep me from interrupting and turned away again. I hadn't seen that he was on the phone. "No, it's nothing, just one of the gallery employees." I heard him say and okay... if I wasn't about to explode before I was now. I stood there for a minute, fuming, and then simply walked back to the office area, my hand shaking when I started turning off the gallery lights one by one. It wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped but still felt good. Two minutes later the only lights still on were the one above my head and the one in front of the door. I would at least give him a clear direction where to head, he seemed to need it.

When Namjoon appeared out of one of the dark corners he looked even more annoyed than usual. Looking my direction through squinting eyes and his tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek. "Seriously?" he yelled my way and almost walked into one of the little flyer shelves. Wasn't the first time I had seen that happen to him though so maybe that had nothing to do with the light.

I felt oddly triumphant. By the time I had put on my coat and turned off the remaining lights, ready to finally lock up, Namjoon had almost found his way, standing in the open door, still on his phone. A little groan from my side when he didn't even notice that I was standing behind me went by unnoticed. Or simply ignored. But instead of the appropriate clearing of the throat or the maybe less polite squeezing past him, I just put my hands on his back and gently pushed him forward a bit, until his feet hit the pavement and he turned around. Dropping his hand with the phone in it, for a second he looked like he wanted to push back. Or trample me.

"Okay, what the hell is your problem, Charlotte?" His voice was hoarse. His eyes dark. God, he was hot. I hated him so much. "You." I simply replied and stared at him for a second, then turned around and locked the two locks on the door before stepping over to the alarm system. I couldn't help feeling smug because apparently, he knew my name. I imagined him staring at the back of my head because he was flustered, but couldn't be sure. All I knew was that when I turned around again a minute later he was still standing there, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his lips pressed together forming a straight line and watching me.

"Do you always act like that at work around people who could get you into trouble?" He was right, he could get me into trouble. But I was too fired up now, my heart racing. "Is that a threat?" "An observation." "Only around the ones I don't like." "Cool." "Great." "Enjoy the dance party. Sounds shit."

And with those words he had turned around, coat flying open in the wind, unfortunately making him look really cool as he walked away and I ABSOLUTELY HATED HIM. I kept my mouth shut and just walked off in the other direction, realizing minutes later that my car was parked the other way, but I kept walking for a while before I finally turned around. It took a while to calm down and only cuddling up to my cat on the couch to trash tv finally did the job. But by then I had realized something I wasn't sure I liked too much. Yeah, I thought he was a prick. And yeah I should have just played it cool. Would have been much smarted in many regards. But I also had somewhat enjoyed myself in the most fucked up way.

Seeing that stern look, that intense posture as he was towering over me... man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

More chapters on AO3

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Gavin’s S2 R&S - A Proud Heart

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers from an R&S (骄傲之心) which has not been released in EN! 🍒

Features S2 Gavin

This R&S was released on 3 June 2021

Highly recommended that you read S2 Ch 11 before proceeding!

[ Chapter One ]

After retiring from the STF due to an illness, He Jian Qiu opened a bookstore in a small street that isn’t really lively, and very few customers visit the shop. To him, however, he isn’t relying on this to make money. He simply wants to be at leisure and at ease. 

On this day, he’s reading a book by the window as usual. As though he suddenly spotted something, he stands up violently, brisk walking to the entrance of the shop. After hanging a “On a Break Today” signboard outside, he returns inside.

He leans against a bookshelf in the shadows, furrowing his brows.

He stares fixedly at the wall. Before his eyes, the scene of the street outside the window surfaces, and a man is walking towards the bookstore -

He Jian Qiu has a very unique Evol. Within a designated scope, he’s able to share the sight and hearing of other living organisms. Thanks to this ability, he used to be the “eyes” of the previous generation of STF members. Under his perfect commands, his team members were able to carry out many successful missions.

Even after retiring, he retained this cautiousness.

He Jian Qiu’s eyes are blazing like torches. Everyone in the crowd, birds, and even stray cats can become his eyes as he follows behind this young man.

He recognises this young man. If possible, He Jian Qiu would rather not meet him.

He hopes this young man is simply passing by.

He Jian Qiu makes a quiet prayer in his heart.

Unfortunately, the young man halts directly outside the shop entrance, a gentle breeze brushing the stray hairs in front of his forehead, revealing a pair of resolute amber eyes.

He glances at the signboard hanging outside the door, then knocks on the door lightly, lowering his head slightly as he pulls it open slowly. His footsteps are very light, as though he’s unwilling to disrupt the tranquility belonging to the books. He steps into the shop, but his feet stop at the entrance.

“Captain He, sorry to disturb you.”

The young man calls him by his former term of address. His voice is resolute and steady, leaving the latter feeling slightly resigned.

He Jian Qiu sighs softly in his heart, then steps out from the shadow behind the bookshelf slowly. The young man in front of him brings with him travel-worn weariness. His shoulders are perfectly straight but unable to conceal his fatigue, as though a certain silent darkness is quietly clinging to his surroundings, corroding him beneath the sunlight.

He recognises this young man.

Gavin, who has only recently taken up the post of the new captain of the Special Operations Team, and the youngest Commander in the STF. Such a person has a limitlessly bright future, and his prospects are boundless.

Such a person has no need to appear before a man who has half his feet in a coffin.

“Gav, this is the first time we’re meeting. I’m really happy that you’ve come to greet this retired old man. Do you want something to drink?”

He lowers his head and walks to the counter, picking up a teacup, wanting this meeting to become an idle, amiable chat between a senior and junior.

“Captain He, I’m investigating the ‘New Year’s Eve Change Incident’.”

There is absolutely nothing hidden in his clear and simple words. It shoots him directly, reminiscent of a fatal bullet.

[Note] This incident involved a majority of Evolvers who staged a riot and had to be suppressed. Gavin suspects that there’s more to the incident than what was publicly announced because it’s incredibly difficult to find the people related to it

-

[ Chapter Two ]

The sound of churning tea fills the quiet air. After He Jian Qiu hears Gavin’s words, his face remains unaffected.

He places the poured tea on the counter, the dense steam causing Gavin’s face to turn slightly hazy. “Wasn’t the case concluded four years ago?”

He Jian Qiu retrieves a slightly flattened cigarette box from his pocket. “The military and STF arrested many Evolvers who started the chaos on the spot. I remember that you provided assistance back then. There isn’t anything worth investigating, is there?”

He glances at the teacup which hasn’t been picked up, then hangs a cigarette bud at his mouth, looking at Gavin. “I used new tea leaves I just received from the south to prepare this. Try it.”

Gavin doesn’t move an inch. His gaze sweeps past the teacup, then fixes itself onto He Jian Qiu’s face.

“I met an Evolver who escaped during the New Year’s Change arrest.”

Loud blares from vehicles outside the window barge in, puncturing the peace in the bookstore. Gavin’s expression is calm, without a hint of wavering. “He told me a few things related to what happened back then.”

“And you simply believed him?”

“There are many doubtful points related to this incident.” Gavin doesn’t seem to mind the teasing tone in He Jian Qiu’s voice. He continues, neither servile nor overbearing. “All the materials related to the New Year’s Change Incident, all materials related the location and the criminals who were arrested have all been handed to ‘the other side’. Apart from that, everyone who was involved in the matter were either transferred to another post, went missing, or died. All that’s left in the materials are the words ‘Evolver Riot’.”

“Do you really think these are all just coincidences?”

This question...

He Jian Qiu can’t help but laugh in his heart. Instead of calling this a question, it’s more accurate to call it an interrogation.

Even though he didn’t participate in that operation, he did provide a certain level of assistance behind the scenes due to his unique Evol ability.

“But Captain He should have ‘seen’ something, am I correct?” Gavin’s face is against the light, but his eyes are especially bright. “Otherwise, I should have had the opportunity... to become a team member under Captain He.”

Gavin’s words almost make He Jian Qiu choke on the cigarette bud in his mouth. He can't help but chuckle aloud, taking a more careful look at this young man’s face.

Persistent, resolute, unwavering, unconceited, but the words he speaks are exact and deadly.

While appreciating this, he sighs in his heart. “You think too much.”

He Jian Qiu picks up the teacup Gavin has yet to touch. The steam has dispersed since a long time ago, and only a faint warmth is left. “It’s very normal for young people to go on a wild goose chase, but you have to know when to turn back when it’s appropriate to do so. The New Year’s Change Incident is a concluded case. Everyone has accepted this truth as of today, and there’s no need to continue investigating further.”

“NW is keeping watch on me.” Gavin’s voice is slightly gloomy. “If there aren’t any issues with the case, they wouldn’t need to do that.”

“Since they’re merely keeping watch on you, it means they trust that you wouldn’t be able to find anything.”

Hearing He Jian Qiu’s agile response, Gavin is silent. He watches him quietly, as though still perplexed about something. He Jian Qiu lights another cigarette, looking out of the window and at the magnificent sunlight. “You’ve met Old Yan, haven’t you.”

[Note] Officer Yan was introduced in S2 Ch 11. He's an ex-police officer who was involved in the New Year’s Change incident. At present, many people are hunting him down, either to find the truth or to silence him for good. He managed to meet Gavin once, resulting in his motivation to investigate the matter

In that instant, Gavin’s expression slackens for a moment, and his body quivers involuntarily.

“Do I need to be clearer? Officer Yan - the old police officer who has been investigating the New Year’s Change Incident. His left arm is gone. You claim outwardly that you haven’t found him, but you’ve actually already met him. After meeting him, you heard about what happened during the New Year’s Change Incident and Old Yan’s conjectures. You were swayed because of that, and went to look for your ‘female friend’...”

“That’s enough.”

Gavin suddenly speaks, interrupting He Jian Qiu’s words. His hands subconsciously clench into fists, and He Jian Qiu simply puffs out some smoke calmly.

"There are no airtight walls in this world. You still have many opportunities and many futures. There’s no need to waste your time on this matter. Old Yan’s job is gone, his arm is gone, his family is gone, his lover is gone.”

“There’s no need to become like that too.”

As though dealing a final judgment, the air in the surroundings is as quiet as death.

In the end, He Jian Qiu hears Gavin’s soft question. “Is that how you persuaded yourself?”

-

[ Chapter Three ]

He Jian Qiu knows what that young fellow Gavin meant.

A day after Gavin left the bookstore, an unknown number flashes on his phone screen.

“Old He, how have you been?”

The voice which hadn’t appeared in a very long time unexpectedly and lightly tugs at certain memories which he intended to toss to the back of his mind.

He Jian Qiu swallows, the subtle sound in his throat secretly betraying his current anxiety.

“Why are you nervous?” The person at the other end of the line laughs. “I’m just asking about how business is at that bookstore of yours.”

“You didn’t meet anyone inappropriate, did you?”

He Jian Qiu blinks lightly. “Yesterday, that new captain from STF dropped by. Gavin - you know him, don’t you? He said he wanted to learn from my experience, but you should also know that I have nothing to teach him.”

“My eyes aren’t doing that well either. So we just drank some tea, and he left. But that young man is pretty good. You can tell he’s capable just by looking at him.”

“He’s pretty good.”

The voice at the other end of the line is light, as though this call is nothing more than an ordinary exchange of pleasantries.

After hanging up, He Jian Qiu pretends to continue reading his book calmly, but not single word goes in. He tosses the book onto the table roughly, shutting his eyes.

Gavin’s investigation in the New Year’s Change Incident is far deeper than what he imagined.

When Old Yan became a fugitive back then, his eyesight became progressively poorer. He used this to falsely claim that his Evol was affected, and he fled from the STF. After all, whether good or bad, he had seen too many things.

He Jian Chu’s gaze leaps from countless eyes in the city, and he very quickly finds Gavin. There’s a “tail” following behind him, but he’s unwilling to give up, continuing to seek intelligence from informants in the grey areas.

However, Gavin doesn’t seem to meet Old Yan again. They probably have a special mode of communication, which is very smart.

Over the subsequent days, He Jian Qiu continues following after Gavin’s tracks.

He has been looking for several officers who participated in the New Year’s Change Incident. He Jian Qiu is very familiar with that group of people. Most of them genuinely have no idea about it, and were simply following orders. They wouldn’t know of any inside information.

But Gavin persistently inquired about any strange points during the operation. Some of them cooperated, but some...

Through the eyes of a sparrow on an electric pole, He Jian Qiu watches as Gavin is asked to leave a house. The family member’s face is furious. Gavin simply lowers his head, bowing in a polite manner.

Quite a number of team members lost their lives during that operation. To their family, this was a tragic matter which was conferred honour. They gave up their lives to maintain the safety and peace of society, and protecting the dignity of STF. Even though Gavin understands this, the process of investigation will always make one feel a slight knot in one’s heart.

With the cold sound of the door shutting, Gavin stands in place quietly, the sunlight above his head brilliant yet harsh, casting his shadow beneath his feet. It’s as though there isn’t a single trace of darkness hidden in the entire world.

After a very long time, Gavin lifts his head, then turns around to leave.

After several days of interviews, Gavin is unable to find any useful leads or information. He Jian Qiu watches as he walks on the main street slowly, passers-by facing him and walking in the opposite direction.

He’s walking down the old road that Old Yan had taken, walking in the direction contrary to everyone else.

He Jian Qiu retracts his ability, then looks out of the window. He wonders why Old Yan would take the risk to meet him, but he hopes that these unsuccessful days would enable Gavin to understand clearly that putting the New Year’s Change Incident aside isn’t a bad thing for him.

After all, he still has a future. 

-

[ Chapter Four ]

Gavin’s investigation continues.

When faced with such people who are unwilling to give up, He Jian Qiu can’t help but release a fierce sigh.

He believes that Gavin clearly understands the degree of danger in investigating the New Year’s Change Incident. Worried that they would get silenced for getting involved in this matter, the informants he had contacted before retracted their actions before crossing the danger line.

Nobody wants to die, especially not due to supplying information. They are slicker than anyone else.

With regard to this, Gavin understands.

This is why he doesn’t insist on too much. Once he has given these people remuneration, he continues with the investigation alone.

He returns to the very place where the riot started back then - an old and slightly dilapidated street in the suburbs of Loveland City.

Back then, Evolvers were not in an optimistic situation. People were filled with fear and bias against them. As such, Evolvers either concealed their abilities and hid amongst the crowd, pretending to be ordinary people, or search for other Evolvers, and collectively form a place with only Evolvers. 

These few streets were one of the places where activities would be held for only Evolvers. Nobody knew what they gathered here to do. When news eventually spread to civilians, it became the starting ground for the “Evolver Riot”.

Gavin leaps over the sealed wire meshes, heading deeper down the street. The place had already been burnt into a vast expanse of white, fragments of broken tiles and tattered clothes lying on the scorched ground. From time to time, the terrifying sound of rats nibbling on food drifts in the quiet surroundings.

Gavin doesn’t halt in his footsteps, which surprises He Jian Qiu.

Could it be that he discovered something?

Just as He Jian Qiu suspects that he has seen something, Gavin suddenly takes action. He ducks into a blindspot near a building, instantly firing a shot in a certain direction behind him.

The sudden attack causes the person behind Gavin to panic. In an instant, a fierce wind rises. The man is rolled into the wind, and is then lifted into the air in the next second.

The other party is likely well-trained. He immediately adjusts his centre of gravity in the air, bringing the gun in his hand to his chest.

- it’s just that Gavin’s even faster.

Gavin’s bullet strikes the palm of the other party accurately. When he falls to the ground, Gavin gives him a steady punch. Gavin doesn’t give the other party a moment to breathe, striking his joints with every move. In just a few strikes, the other party is left unconscious.

His movements are clean and smooth, and done in one swift motion.

Just as He Jian Qiu thinks that Gavin would do something after handling this “tail”, Gavin lifts his head, meeting the eyes of a crow, and meeting the eyes of He Jian Qiu.

“Captain He.” Gavin speaks mildly. “There aren’t any other surveillance cameras here.”

He Jian Qiu sighs, then takes out a new phone card from his drawer, pressing on a series of numbers.

“You beat him up just like that?”

“I simply realised that someone was following me, and acted in self-defence.” Gavin narrows his eyes, which are filled with a wilful sharpness. “But I forgot to ask who he was.”

Seeing Gavin before him, He Jian Qiu truly admires him.

He’s capable, skilled, and able to make judgements. He can have a great future, and doesn’t have to be like Old Yan - nesting in darkness like a mouse, searching for an abstract justice and truth, remaining nameless till death.

There’s no need to.

He Jian Qiu has a nameless fire in his heart. That pair of resolute and unstained amber eyes render him incomparably restless. “Must you really get involved in this trifling matter? Do you think you’re really just, and want to be a hero?”

“I’ll tell you this - I’ve seen many just people. Some of them talk about ‘justice’ and ‘protection’, but end up doing somewhat inhumane things.”

“Right now, aren’t many people looking for CORE? Can’t you investigate that instead? Look at the future of this world. Why make a special effort for a group of dead people?”

“If a person is unable to face the past properly, he can’t move forward.” Gavin’s words are very soft, but are incomparably resolute.

“If someone has to search for the truth, that person could be me.”

-

[ Chapter Five ]

In the end, He Jian Qiu guides Gavin in evading various modes of surveillance and gazes, and returns to his bookstore.

“You seemed to be interviewing the officers who were involved in that operation and the family members of the Evolvers. But in actual fact, that wasn’t the case, was it?” He lights a cigarette bud, but his eyes are not on Gavin.

Gavin arches his brows, lifting the corners of his lips. “Captain He, does this question mean you want to help me?”

“You rascal. Don’t speak nonsense.”

He Jian Qiu says this quickly, but he knows that the balance in his heart is tilting slowly.

He pours a cup of tea for Gavin, and there’s a drizzle outside the window.

“Back then, I was sent from the police academy to assist, so I was just there as an outsider to control a few absconding Evolvers. The only thing I did back then was to carry out orders.”

Amid the soft sound of light rain, He Jian Qiu listens quietly to Gavin as he relates every moment of his assistance in the New Year’s Change Incident.

“I heard afterwards that the family of a rioter came to the STF, and said their child couldn’t have done such a thing. But in the end, there was nothing definite. Only after I joined the STF, and only after I saw even more people, I realised that the New Year’s Change Incident might not tally with that was announced publicly.” 

“Perhaps many people knew about it, but no one really wanted to do anything.”

“Many people died, but they didn’t have to meet such an ending - dying while shouldering the name of a rioter.” Gavin looks at the steam rising from the cup. “I visited the home of one of the Evolvers who died. His mother committed suicide after finding out that her son participated in the riot. The old man who was left behind was discriminated by the masses, and was chased out of his rented house. I heard that he eventually went insane.”

“Captain He, should they have such endings?”

He Jian Qiu is suddenly left speechless.

Of course he knows. He’s able to see. In fact, he's able to see more things than ordinary people.

Being involved in this matter would lead to even more unseen dangers. Agony, objection, and even hopelessness, and walking in the opposite direction as everyone else.

He can’t help but smile. In Gavin, he sees what he once saw in Old Yan, and perhaps there are even more things he has yet to see.

He knows why Old Yan chose him. Even though he really hopes for Gavin to walk beneath the sunlight, he stretches out his hand.

“You lost.”

A sound drifts from behind the door. A man peeks his head from behind a bookshelf, and Gavin is dumbfounded when he sees the new arrival.

“Officer Yan...?!” He shoots a glance at He Jian Qing, reacting immediately. “The reason why Officer Yan could evade them...”

He Jian Qiu doesn’t say anything, and simply smiles while raising his hands, indicating a surrender.

Gavin looks at Old Yan. “Was Officer Yan testing me the other time?”

“Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to live this long.” Old Yan simply arches his brows, lighting a cigarette. “Now, you truly have no way of turning back.”

“I’ve never thought of turning back.”

He Jian Qiu looks at the young man before him. Amid the dense light, he’s forthright and persistent, as though nothing can defeat him, nor can anything taint him.

“Come. Let’s head somewhere else.”

He stands up, pushing both Gavin and Old Yan into a dark room within the bookshop.

Their figures cross over the dividing line between light and shadows, fading into the darkness slowly, though they seem to be emitting light. 

💙 More S2 content: here

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[bouncyballcitadel]

Then Have Me - A Short Snippet

A few people were like “Dr. Grey x Vic”? And, I was like nah. But, then I was like hmm...And now here’s almost 1500 words of that lmao

mildly spicy

Underneath the cut. Gender neutral! Vic. 

You don’t know when you started fantasizing about Dr. Grey. You can’t pinpoint a particular moment, a particular point in time, when your view of him shifted—from mentor to…well, whatever filth your mind conjured up. All you know is, you didn’t have this problem before you became chief resident. And, now, sitting alone in your office, all you can think about is his hands on you—taking you apart.

You scowl and swivel in your chair. This is inconvenient. No, more than inconvenient. Morally untenable. Peter—no, you correct yourself, Dr. Grey—is your attending, the chief of NINO surgery, your boss. So you’re not a baby resident anymore. You’re chief. You’re almost an attending: just a year’s difference. You’re almost equals, technically, so it’s not that terrible…

You hiss in frustration and resist the urge to bang your head against your desk. Out of all the people to lust after, why him? Why the person you most admire? A man so out of your league that it’s almost pathetic, how much you want his mouth on yours (or him smiling at you, or him holding you close)—stop. 

It’s impossible. Even if it wasn’t a grey zone (ha!) ethics-wise, there’s no way he’d go for someone like you. Just look at his ex-wife. Neurosurgeon, turned admin shark. You’re…what? Just a resident, at the end of the day, whose hands still shake sometimes during surgery. Ale has always said you were a catch, but in comparison to Dr. Grey? 

Not a chance. 

You startle when you hear a knock on your door. It’s almost 11 p.m.—who could possibly want you at this hour? Who could still possibly be here in this hospital at this hour? 

“Vic?” 

Shit. 

You take a deep breath, and try to arrange your face into your most neutral expression, your I-was-not-just-thinking-about-your-tongue-down-my-throat expression, before you open the door.

Dr. Grey’s standing in front of you, as stupidly handsome as ever. He’s probably been up since five in the morning, but he wears it well: his hair tousled just so, that trace of a five o’clock shadow on his face. How is it that you have more eye bags than he does? It is decidedly unfair.

“I saw the light was still on,” Dr. Grey says. You realize belatedly that you’re blocking the doorway, and you step aside to let him in. “It’s late…you should head home.”

You shrug, keeping your voice nonchalant. “I had some work to catch up on. I’m almost done.”

I’ve also being imagining you fucking me senseless, but that’s neither here nor there.

“I see.” Dr. Grey clears his throat. It’s strange, this look on his face. He looks uncomfortable, but why? 

You run through the past week in your head. Did you fuck up during one of his cases? No. Maybe it’s something about how you’re doing as chief? But, he just praised you when you met with him last Wednesday. 

“It’s just…” Dr. Grey sighs. “I think you’ve been avoiding me. And, I was wondering why?”

You feel your cheeks flush against your will, and you turn around quickly to close the door—just so he won’t see before you can get yourself under control. So you haven’t been subtle. You thought you were, but of course Dr. Grey’s as perceptive as he is competent. How can you pretend that everything is normal around him, when you’re literally imagining the nastiest things he could do to you when you’re at home, when you’re bored in the office? It’s gross, this…this attraction you have towards him. You see his hands, and you just want them to run over your body. You see his mouth, and you just want them between your legs. 

“I haven’t,” you mutter. You walk to your desk, purposefully ignoring his gaze, and start packing up for the day. “I’ve been busy, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” You don’t need to look at him to hear the doubt in his voice. “You can tell me, if I’ve done something wrong.”

This is truly hell. Not only are you lusting after your attending, your attending thinks that he’s offended you. You want to crawl into a hole and die. 

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” you say between your teeth. You zip up your backpack with a sharp jerk of your hand. “It’s not you at all.”

“What is it then?” You make the mistake of looking up, and you see the worry in Dr. Grey’s eyes. 

Fuck.

“You can tell me,” Dr. Grey says gently. “I’m your mentor, aren’t I? That’s what I’m here for.”

Double fuck.

You clench your jaw, debating whether you should just leave. No, that would be rude. And—damn it, if you still don’t want to please him (in multiple ways, your traitorous mind whispers). 

“It’s not something you can fix,” you finally say. 

Tell me, Dr. Grey, how I can stop thinking about you.

“What?” Dr. Grey blinks. 

“What?” you say. Now he looks taken aback, pale even. Surely he’s not that invested in your problems? “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You…” Dr. Grey trails off, and then seems to steel himself. “You think about me?”

FUCK.

If you wanted to crawl into a hole and die before, this is a thousand times worse. You want to self-immolate. You want to crumble into dust. This is officially the worst day of your life. 

“I—” The words seem to dry in your mouth. “I…”

You stare at him. He stares at you. You realize that he’s only a foot away from you. So close. You could close the gap very easily. You could touch his face, lean in, and…

Well. As the saying goes. In for a penny.

You take a step closer. He doesn’t move. You can’t read his expression, but when your hand cups his cheek, you feel his touch on your wrist—firm. 

“What are you doing?” Dr. Grey whispers. 

“I don’t know,” you admit. You can feel the heat in your face, but you ignore it. There are a thousand rational alarm bells ringing in your head, but you ignore them too. The words slip out of your mouth before you can stop them. Or, maybe, you don’t want to stop them.

“I want you,” you say softly. “You have no idea.”

His hand around your wrist, his face so close. You want to kiss him—but you know you can’t make this move. Only him. 

You feel your stomach drop when he lets go of you and steps away. Your arm falls to your side, slack. 

“I…” Dr. Grey starts, then stops, then says, “I can’t.”

“I see.” You hate how wounded you feel in this moment. “I should get going. If we could never talk about this again—”

“Vic.” His voice stops you before you can leave. You swivel around slowly…and you’re shocked by what you think is pain on Dr. Grey’s face.

“I’m your attending,” Dr. Grey says slowly. “This isn’t…it wouldn’t be…”

“Do you want me?” you say. 

The answer, when it comes, is barely more than a whisper. “Yes.”

“Then have me,” you choke out. 

Dr. Grey shakes his head. “It’s not that simple. You know it’s not that simple.”

“For once, I wish you weren’t such a good guy,” you snap. You know it’s wrong, to get angry at him for doing the right thing, but you can’t help yourself. You feel humiliated, you feel dirty—you never want to show your face at Citadel again—and his arms are around you suddenly, and you realize that you are, in fact, crying, and despite everything, you drop your head on his shoulder and bury your face there. 

“I’m sorry,” Dr. Grey says. “I’m so sorry.”

“You must pity me,” you manage to say. You can’t believe you’re sobbing like some intern in a supply closet. 

“No,” Dr. Grey says. His hands are on your back, rubbing soothing circles between you’re shoulder blades. It’s so nice you want to cry even more. “I’d never pity you.”

Then, Dr. Grey says, “Just…give me some time.”

You look at him. “Time for what?”

“To think about things,” he says. The two of you are pressed so close, you can feel the heat of his body against yours. 

You shouldn’t hope. Yet.

“Okay,” you say. “Okay.”

[outerbankswriting]

Could it Be? Chapter 13 (JJ x Reader)

JJ x Reader

CH.1 - CH.2 - CH.3 - CH.4 - CH.5 - CH.6 - CH.7 - CH.8 - CH.9 - CH.10 - CH.11 - CH.12

Description: She has a crush on JJ, but he has always seen her as another one of the “dudes”, or  at least that’s what she thinks so she just doesn’t even try anymore, until things start to shift between the two of them. (A/N: I’M NOT GOOD AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT THESE IS JUST WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO HAPPEN IN OUTER BANKS WITH JJ)

Warnings: drinking???

CHAPTER 13

You placed the empty can of beer on the table and noticed JJ’s glare set on you as you reached for your fourth drink.

“Can I help you with something?” You spat at him before drunkenly smirking at the blonde.

“I see you’re thirsty.” He grinned as he helped you open the bottle.

“I just want to loosen up and have some fun.” You replied, pouring yourself some tequila and mixing it with a soda.

“Fun means danger when it comes to you,” He winked and you rolled your eyes at him.

“That was one time.”

“Whatever,” he went on, “I’m not letting you get shit-wasted tonight.”

“Says the one who’s already had six beers,”

“I can handle my alcohol, unlike you.”

You teasingly raised your eyebrow at him as your eyes lit up with a mischievous idea, JJ immediately shaking his head at you but letting out an equally mischievous smile.

“Here,” you handed him a shot of tequila and poured one for yourself as well, “I’ll show you I can handle it.”

“I would like to see.”

You raised your tequila shots to each other before gulping down the strong alcohol, your throat burning as the liquid went down.

Time went by and Sarah and John B where nowhere to be found, but you and JJ were having too much fun drinking and talking about nonsense to notice the couple had gone to John B’s bedroom to do stuff you had no business knowing about.

You wrapped your arms around JJ’s neck and playfully slow danced with him, your legs were struggling to move correctly as the alcohol was taking over your system but JJ’s arms wrapped around your waist helped you remain steady.  

Both your faces were flustered form the alcohol and the heat from dancing around, the two of you were clearly drunk but not wasted thanks to JJ taking care of your drinking and not allowing you to mix your drinks.

You looked around the room to see if Sarah and John B were around, and when you didn’t see them anywhere near, you took the opportunity to press a quick kiss to JJ’s lips. He stared at your eyes in a loving and caring way as you burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” He asked.

“I just can’t believe we’re.. you know..” You struggled to find the words as you didn’t know what exactly was going on between you and JJ.

JJ’s eyes kept fixed on your, waiting patiently for you to complete your sentence but as he realised you were nowhere near to forming the words, he decided to help you.

“Dating?” He whispered and your eyes widened.

“So we are?” You muttered, a smile forming on your face.

“I mean,” he shrugged and bit his bottom lip, “if you want to, of course.”

You couldn’t help but smile wider at him, you knew JJ wasn’t one to easily express his feelings, let alone actually get involved in a relationship so this was a pretty big deal for the both of you, especially since this was all happening too fast yet it felt as if the two of you had waited ages for this to come true.

“I’ll have to think about it.” You bit the inside of your cheek, noticing JJ’s grip tighten and his eyebrows raise in confusion.

“Yeah, sure, I mean,” he stuttered and you couldn’t help but burst out laughing again, his confusion growing stronger.

“Of course I want to, you idiot.” You cupped his face and sensed him relax on your touch.

The two of you shared a slow and sweet kiss, his movements carefully synching with yours as he pulled you in closer. You opened your mouth to let him explore it as the kiss became more passionate and hungrier, you placed your hands on the nape of his neck and tugged at his hair, gaining a soft moan from him.

“I think we should go home.” You said, your lips inches apart.

“I think I agree.”

Neither of you bothered on letting your friends know you were leaving as they were also busy doing their thing. You took JJ’s hand and walked side by side to your place, it was a long walk but you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

As you arrived to your house, the two of you hurried upstairs to your room, the tension and urgency filling the air but neither of you daring to make a move.

You sat down on your bed as JJ locked the door even though only the two of you were home. You bit the bottom of your lip as you stared at him. His grey tank top loose enough to show his toned abs and his strong arms making your head spin with unholy thoughts about them.

He turned to face you and you felt your cheeks heat up. No matter how long the two of you had known each other or how close you’d gotten to each other, he never failed to make you get all flustered and nervous.

JJ smirked as soon as he saw the rose tint on your cheeks and your eyes scanning all his body. He slowly walked over to you, your heartbeat speeding up by every step he was taking. The grin on his face kept growing wider as he noticed the effect he was causing on you, enjoying every second of it.

Once he was completely standing in front of you, you looked up at his face and matched your grin with his. Your face was exactly in front of his abdomen, and a bit too close to his lower area, making his heartbeat speed up as well.

Your confidence and urgency to have him all for yourself made you slowly and carefully run your fingers through his abdomen and you tugged at his shirt to signal him to take it off. He didn’t think twice before the grey tank top hit the floor and his upper body was bare as your eyes kept processing every inch of him.

Your hands traced his toned stomach and you felt his body twitch at your touch. You smirked to yourself, feeling confident at the effect you were causing on him. Your hand softly made its way lower and you noticed his chest rise up and down quicker as you intentionally but slightly rubbed your palm on his growing bulge, pretending as if it was an accident.

You then played with the waistband of his shorts and pulled them down, leaving him on his trousers which you also teasingly played with the waistband of them and then pushed him further away from you, making him raise an eyebrow at you in confusion. You stood up in front of him and placed a hard but quick kiss on his lips before turning around him.

“Sit down,” you demanded, surprised by your sudden urge of dominance.

JJ smirked at you and took your place on the bed, softly wrapping his hands on your waist as you stood in front of him, letting him stare at you while you took your own shirt off, revealing the top of your red bikini.

Your shorts joined your shirt on the ground, leaving you with your red bikini top and bottom which matched the color of JJ’s cheeks. You sat on his lap, facing him as you wrapped your legs around his waist and felt his bulge rub against your entrance, which was still covered by the bottom of your bikini.

“Y/N,” JJ whispered once you started moving your hips against him.

“Mhm,” was all you could bring yourself to say as the friction between the two of you made a tingling sensation intensify between your legs.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked.

You stared at his blue eyes and felt his thumbs stroke your hips. He was genuinely concerned about this, especially after knowing about your past with Rafe and sex.

But this time you felt different. You were sure of JJ and you didn’t want to do this with anyone else but him. You trusted him and you loved him, even if you hadn’t verbally expressed it to him. You’d never felt as confident and safe with anyone else as you do now with JJ. You knew you wanted this and you knew you wouldn’t regret nor have second thoughts about this.

You gently rubbed his cheeks as you leaned forward to his face, softly placing a loving kiss on his lips.

“I’ve never been more sure JJ.” You whispered against his lips as you felt his hands press tighter on your hips.

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A/N: we-

alright so I finally got the time to write and post ch.13!! hope you like it and PLS DO TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS!! 

I would also love to know if you guys want me to write the whole scenario *coughs* smut *coughs* or simply leave it like that and just write about them after it’s done and stuff... but well it’s all up to you since I know some of u are not comfortable reading smut.

I think I’m also going to start a new taglist since idk if some of you are still reading this story and I keep getting messages about new people wanting to be added on the taglist so I think next chapter will have a completely new taglist so pls do let me know if u wanna be added! 

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taglist: @babygirlizz​ - @atabigail - @poguesrforlife​ - @behappyitsemmalie​ - @jane-dough - @yeeedolan - @dontjinx-it - @sofiaconlaz - @fangirlwithme​ - @outermaybank - @hueycat2004 - @nope-thanks - @weasleyswizarding-wheezes - @haleswale - @hungoverhellhound - @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch - @asapkyndall - @hailiemarieeee - @emmasjulixn - @spideyyeet - @rosenbug - @cassidyiscool  - @harrysbbby - @thatshiscigar  - @kiarascarreras - @uhuh-listenboy - @normatural - @goldenariana - @heyyimlaynna - @lukvv - @irontoadllamaclam - @allisjustok - @saturno007 - @pluckypete - @pennepasta82 - @howdyherron - @perfektionsmakel - @dylanpain - @tulzu - @voidsxnsets - @shadesofbarryallen - @rimbougrine - @dolanfivsosxox - @allisjustok - @stell-rosie - @spoopysidemen​ - @optimisticherolightpanda - @dolansbeanies - @arsejungle - @missenchanted27 - @ctrlyouthmendes  - @my-soul-is-the-moon - @hazelgirl355 - @sehunniehaechannie - @sweetwaterprincess - @ues-swiftie - @deadsunflower01 - @ghostlywombatnickelpeanut - @moadvx - @peachy-ness - @supersouthy - @howdyherron - @retro-mayfield - @cyxbv - @ydoesthesunsetbaby - @bellageorge03 - @thelittletank - @emmalvei-blog - @eaturveggiesbabe - @katiepego - @books-crushed-my-soul - @iamaunicorn4704 - @mrmaybaby - @sloanology - @wildest-dream- - @maplelattes22 - @disaster-rose - @5am-cigarette - @ravenclawmarvel - @peterbrokenparker - @pickeringshawnn - @thatshiscigar - @lovelydina - @sspidermanss - @lollypop-lam - @drunkwallows - @a-wari - @ajxlawley - @briiiimiranda - @oceantostars - @jordangdelacruz - @brightnss - @classywaves - @ironbuckley - @cilorawr - @the-beauty-queenn - @mileven-reddie- @blueegansey - @livingforbarnes - @angelnoirr - @fashionlive15 - @harrysbbby - @eb15​ - @lcil123 - @drunkwallows - @uhuh-listenboy - @caringparker - @tangledinsparkles - @wildflower-lrh - @lollypop-lam - @mxrvelistic - @jeffsbarbershop - @bananasundae13 - @llunarist - @nick-awwstin - @aftertaxte - @timotaychalabae - @we-are-all-lovely - @k-k0129 - @wwylmlive - @sunshinemadds - @hawkeyetrained - @cremextart - @sunflowerwhoever - @possiamo-andare​ - @mayakblack - @poguelifeee - @moon-bcw - @love-bean - @turtlee-says-rawr - @heydemonsitsyagirlgrace - @marauderskeeper  - @anescapefromtheworld  - @imsad05 

[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (18)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 4,4K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness

Notes: If anyone got the notification, please tell me 😭 If you guys want to get notifications (hopefully) please go here

Updates: Tuesdays

                                                         ////

   There were a lot of rumors going on right now.

    You prided yourself on not being the type to care about rumors and things like this but being in the center of so many of those in the last few days made it impossible for you to not be at least curious. The whispers had been obvious for a while now ─ particularly after Paris’ performance ─ and you couldn’t help but wonder how people could have so much free time in their hands and use it like that.

    You should have known, though.

    It was more than obvious that befriending Chan and Hyunjin would put you in the spotlight and it was bound to lead to dumb rumors at some point. You just didn’t expect them to be so dumb. Although you must have heard about hundreds of versions up to now, the core of all of them was pretty simple to catch: Love affairs and intrigue. That was what those incredible undergraduate brains could do with all of their loose imagination and wisdom.    

    You could kinda grasp why people thought you were dating Chan. You really could. You were pretty close with each other so it was logical for people to misunderstand your relationship… The thing is that you had been like this with Chan for ages now and no one ever had commented anything about it ─ at least not to this extent ─ so the real question here was pretty simple: Why now?

    “Hey” You lifted your eyes from the counter, meeting Hyunjin’s ones “Daydreaming at work?” He chuckled, leaning on the surface as he rested his face on his hand, studying you closely.

    Well… Then there was that too.

    Not only you were dating Chan but you were also cheating on him with Hyunjin… So maybe you could understand why people thought you were with Chan but where did this come from? It didn’t make any sense. First of all, they’re best friends living together! How the hell would you two-time Chan right under his roof with his best friend?! Second of all, you didn’t give away any hint on feeling something for Hyunjin! And he didn’t show anything similar for you either!

    No. Fucking. Sense.

    “Yeah…” You agreed mindlessly, mimicking his position to stare into his eyes “What about you? Why are you here?” You asked curiously, tilting your head as he smiled fondly at you; face too close for you to completely catch his shrug.

    “Can’t I drop by to see a friend?” He asked in a teasing tone “I should just have gone to see Paris… She treats me way better than you” He joked; hand reaching to fix a strand behind your ear “I should know you were just going after my body…” He sighed mockingly, chuckling as you rolled your eyes and tried to get away from his touch.

    “Stop it” You hissed “You know people are talking about us!” You frowned, getting a laugh as an answer. He leaned even closer, prompting you to lean back, trying to get more space between the both of you “You might like being the center of the attention but I don’t, Hyunjin” You mumbled, pushing him lightly so he would take a step back.

    “I didn’t think you were the type to care about what people thought about you” He pointed out, leaning back anyway “What are you worrying about? Do you think Chan will misunderstand us?” You weren’t really sure but his tone sounded a little bitter right there, and you couldn’t help but narrow your eyes.

    There was something wrong with Hyunjin these days…

    You were under the impression that he had been the target of those kinds of rumors throughout all his life and yet he was acting weirdly. Although he was quite playful about it ─ and by playful you meant flirty and touching ─, he also had those moments where he seemed to… Overthink? You weren’t really sure what was going on.

    It was like he couldn’t help but grimace each time you and Chan were mentioned on those. He seemed pretty okay in being the center of the rumors… Whether it was you or Paris, he didn’t seem to mind when either of you was pictured with him but he got clearly upset when Chan was involved. You were not sure if it was just his overprotective self over Chan or if he was suspicious of something going on between both of you while he knew the other rumors were just bullshit.

    He probably believed that both of you were hiding things from him. Again. You honestly had no idea why your friends had so much of a hard time understanding the things you said. You and Chan would never have anything! You were best friends, for Lord’s sake! And that was it.

    No. Romantic. Feelings. At. All.

    “There is nothing to misunderstand here, Hyunjin” You sighed “You and I have nothing going on and neither do I and Chan” You explained for the hundredth time already “Not wanting to fuel the rumors isn’t the same as caring about them” You added, grimacing at him in a matter-of-fact way that made him scoff.

    “I see…” He hummed, staring into your eyes for a second too long “Well… Anyway, I came here for a new book” He clarified, placing the last one he borrowed on the counter “This one was pretty good but I still preferred the first you lent me” He added, drumming his fingers on the book’s cover “I was wondering if you don’t have any other indications” He shrugged, averting his eyes from yours.

  “Oh? I thought you were a slow reader” You arched your brows in surprise, taking the book from the counter while looking at him “Are you sure you read that one?” You joked, chuckling.

   “I guess you still have a lot to learn about me” He giggled, leaning once more on the counter “Maybe if you started to pay attention to me instead of listening to those rumors…” He let the sentence hang in the air teasingly, smirking as you rolled your eyes “Or maybe we should start dating to give them a reason to talk” He chuckled, wiggling his brows at you.

   “Great 5th grade way to think” You praised him mockingly, giving him a thumbs-up as you pressed the book against your chest and made your way to the shelf it was supposed to be on “Do you have any genre in mind?” You asked mindlessly, checking the codes to match the book.

    “Surprise me” He joked, trying to do an awkward French accent that made you look funnily at him “Oh, come on… Ratatouille? No? Really?” He nagged, mumbling displeased as you giggled at his antics.

    You turned on the aisle, eyes roaming around as he followed you closely behind, gaze wandering around the many books displayed on the shelves. You put the one you were holding back in its place, humming as you studied the content on the shelves. He hummed along with you, playfully leaning closer to your ear as he pretended to be invested in looking for something to read.  

    His presence sent shivers all the way down your body.

    No… Not his presence.

    It was the setting… Yes, it had to be it.

    The library had that mysterious ancient vibe that thrilled you… The brownish solid colors surrounding everything in a majestic framing that made you feel too small… The hard-covered books’ scent in the air, a full-bodied heaviness that seemed to clamp you… The dim lighting that revealed each scattering mote fluttering around, agitated by the soft huff Hyunjin let out… The warmth that crept into your bones as you held your breath for just a half-second…

    It wasn’t him.

    The way your heart rammed against your chest had nothing to do with his presence… Nor it had anything to do with his hands slowly making their way to the shelves, trapping you between him and the books… And you were almost too sure that the cloudy thoughts flickering in your mind and the fluttering sensations in your stomach ─ that forced you to swallow dryly ─ had something to do with your skipped meal but, again, not with him.

    “Someone looks nervous” He whispered and somehow his breathing seemed to tighten your chest and quicken your heart pace once more. You could see both of his hands right in front of you and yet it felt like he was embracing you… The way you had to force your eyes open wasn’t a good sign to your brain “All stiff and…” He continued; voice purposely teasingly “… Panting” He added, a hint of amusement under his tone.

    “Stop joking around…” You managed to say, lips quivering as he chuckled huskily. Although you could feel his warmth and presence clearly, there was no inch of skin ─ except his chin making its way to rest on your shoulder ─ to seal the deal. It felt intimate yet distant… It felt like you were supposed to laugh it off but you didn’t want to.

    “It doesn’t need to be a j—“ He couldn’t finish what he was going to say, interrupted by a gasp that had both of your heads snapping at the side. There, facing the aisle with mouth fully agape and widened eyes, was someone who was bound to spread some more rumors around.

    “I-I’m sorry” They blurted out “I-I didn’t mean to interrupt” They rushed to say, clearing their throat before turning around, utterly flustered by what they thought to have witnessed. You groaned, resting your forehead on the shelf before flicking Hyunjin’s nose, pushing him away for you to look for a new book.

    “Read this” You spat, shoving a random one into his hands.

                                                          ////

    Your thoughts were filled with Hyunjin.

    Although your eyes were fixed on the TV, you couldn’t care less about whatever was going on there. The voices sounded like a buzz in the back of your head and the image was almost too blurry for you to understand but Paris’ distinct laughter was a good cue for you to laugh at some joke you didn’t listen to. Whether it was your chuckle sounding too fake or too off time, she seemed to notice that something was going on inside your head.

    She didn’t even say anything, pausing the show before looking straight at you with a questioning look, arching her brow as she waited for you to say something. There was it… The two-path road. You could either tell her that it was nothing ─ and she would probably narrow her eyes at you until you made up a random excuse ─ or you could actually tell her what has been on your mind lately ─ and then you would have to put up with the insufferable Paris state.

    Too late to back off now… You should have paid attention to the show.

    You glanced at her ─ unsure about what to say or do at a moment like this ─, biting your lip as you blinked a few times to buy some time to decide what you were going to do. You knew Paris well enough to predict her reaction… As soon as you said that you have been thinking a lot about all those rumors, she would instantly assume that you were worrying over it because you had some suppressed feelings that you were trying to hide.

    You just knew it.

    “So…” She stressed, still staring at you “What’s going on inside that little box of yours?” She joked, pointing at her own head before hugging her knees, sitting across you on the couch.

  Path N° 1: The finals are right there at the corner…

  Path N° 2: I can’t understand where all those rumors are coming from… I didn’t do anything suspicious with Chan or Hyunjin and suddenly people are talking behind our back. Either I messed up really bad about something and didn’t notice or someone misunderstood something I did… Or maybe it could be because Hyunjin has been flirting a lot lately! He pinned me against the wall thrice already. Do you think this is strange? I’m finding it a little odd... Maybe I’m being too sensitive over useless st–

  “Y/N?” Paris called you softly, tilting her head to the other side as if it could help her to see what was going on in your mind “Are you feeling okay? You seem a little bit… Off… Today” She said carefully, studying your features for a brief moment.

  “I’ve been thinking about the rumors…” You began hesitantly, checking for her reaction “Don’t you find it strange? I mean… You and Hyunjin had your rumors before but I hadn’t been dragged into this until now” You pointed out, shrugging “I find it odd that people are talking about me and Chan out of nowhere and… Well, talking like I’m hooking up with Hyunjin behind your back” You explained.

  Paris didn’t say anything at first, seeming surprised by your worries.

  “Well…” She cleared her throat “I mean… I have heard some things about you and Chan around… And you kinda… Well—“ She licked her lips, visibly stiffening up as she thought about what to say “You know? Some people saw you guys at the library… And you guys keep calling each other sweety and stuff…” She floundered her hand in the air as if it helped her to express it better “And you gave him your keys… And he slept here the whole week…” She trailed off.

    “What the fuck?” You blurted, surprised by all this “How do they even know about this?!” You frowned, wondering how many people heard all those kinds of stuff out of context and got to build up a rumor like this.

    “Yeah… Well, you guys aren’t really subtle” She chuckled nervously “And I think that you shouldn’t really have said that you guys used to… Have sex…” She practically whispered the last part, ashamed to talk about it “Before, you know? Especially on a party” She cleared her throat once more, fixing herself on the couch.

    You had what now?

    “I never said that” You frowned “I never had sex with Chan… I-“ You scowled in disgust “Why would I ever have sex with Chan? We’re literally best friends! He’s like a brother to me or something… Ew” You scrunched your nose, shaking your head to get rid of the thought “What made you think I had sex with him? What the fuck?” it would be an understatement to say that you were flabbergasted.

    “Well… You kinda did” She arched her brow, looking at you filled with confusion “You told us you used to hook up with Chan, remember?” She asked as if she was talking to a kid “At the party, you clearly said that you used to hook up with him…” She pursed her lips, raising her eyebrows matter-of-factly, almost as if she was trying to transfer her memories to you.

    “No, I most definitely didn’t say this” You grimaced at her, finding all the situation kinda odd, “I said I hooked up with Chan’s friend” You emphasized, returning the look to her “I would never say I hooked up with him… You distorting what I said” You blinked, staring at her in confusion as she gasped.

    “Oh! It was Chan’s friend!” She chortled “Well, so you should roast Chan! He interrupted you, and I think everyone understood the very same as me” She huffed, seeming to find the situation amusing “Oh my God… I’m pretty sure that was what triggered the rumors about you and Chan, to be honest” She mused, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

    “I can’t believe you guys thought—“ You sighed in resignation “Well… Anyway, I’m not dating or fucking Chan” You said dismissively, already done with how all this had started “And what have you heard about Hyunjin? What started it all?” You deadpanned, waiting for some silly explanation once again.

  Paris stared blankly at you.

  “You’re kidding, right?” She sounded taken aback, looking at you as if you tried to make a bad joke. The way you stood silent, staring back at her in genuine curiosity, must have seemed really sincere because she chortled before answering you “Y/N, he literally kissed you at the stairs” She reminded you slowly, trying to get the words to sink into your head.

  She didn’t need to do much.

  You didn’t want to admit it ─ and you would refuse to for as long as you could ─ but that kiss… Fake kiss! That fake kiss… You couldn’t help but gulp down as you felt your senses being electrified just by the mention of it. How many times did you push aside that thought? How many times did you ignore the flickering thought in the back of your mind? How many times you could practically see him leaning in for a kiss?

  You licked your lips, biting them to restrain the turmoil inside your head.

  Of course, you weren’t blind… Hyunjin was a handsome piece of shit. You knew it even when you hated him. You knew it even when you didn’t want to acknowledge it… Even when you wanted to believe that it was just the popular opinion about him.

    Now, you couldn’t ignore how pretty he was.

    You weren’t quite sure if it was all in your mind ─ he did lean it too quickly for you to notice every single thing ─ but you could still feel the fire on his gaze as he made his move. You could remember how eager he was… Or at least, how eager you believed him to be as you were crushed against the wall and lost all the air inside your lungs. Was it just you being surprised? Was it the abruptness of the situation? Or did he really pin you against the wall as if his life depended on it? You surely felt like it was the last one… But could it be you the one who wanted to believe it for dear life?

    No, of course, not.

    The warmth of his hands still lingered there on your skin from time to time, and the soft pressure in your lips seemed to be carved at the back of your mind. You hated that sometimes you pressed your lips with your thumb ─ the same pressure though not the same way he did ─ just to snap out of it a second too late. You also couldn’t forget the way he tilted his head to deepen a kiss that didn’t really happen… The way the realization washed over you right at that second.

    It wasn’t disappointment… It was something else.

    You could still feel how his touch changed on that second… The hold was firm and consistent… It was like he didn’t want to let you go; like something just switched on his head and triggered something that felt so much like… You gulped down once more, still refusing to stress that thought out. The way your breaths mingled and hitched… Faltered… It was almost painful to know that it didn’t really happen.

    There was it…

    Desire and passion.

    The urges of a single woman who hadn’t been getting some in a while.

    “It was a fake kiss” You finally answered her but by now, Paris knew too damn well where your thoughts were wandering around a second earlier.

    “Yeah, but it seemed pretty real for anyone who took a glance at it” She reminded you, and the suggestive hint under her tone made you scoff “And I don’t want to say it—“

    “Then just don’t” You grimaced at her.

    “—But I think both of you were pretty into it even for a fake kiss…” She grinned at you teasingly, and the tired sigh that left your lips seemed to fuel her “I can remember quite well how you just let your hands right on his chest… I don’t recall you pushing him away, you know?” her grin spread all over her face “I think you enjoyed feeling him under your touch a whole lot…” She raised her eyebrows, throwing you a knowing look that made you huff, rubbing your face in distress.

    Why did she have to say that?!

    You clenched your fists, trying to suppress the memories that you didn’t need to have right now… So what if his chest felt so warm and firm under his shirt? So damn fine under your touch? What about the way the water droplets seemed to caress his tanned skin? So what if the very same droplets must have rolled down and down and down and… Well, all the way down from his throat to his collarbone to his chest to… You couldn’t help but lick your lips, shaking your head to dismiss the thought.

    It didn’t matter.

    The way he bought you coffee and waited for you on Monday? It didn’t matter. The way his damp hair gave him a sexy vibe that looked like a plead for being warmed up on a cold Tuesday? It didn’t matter. The way he was trying to impress you with good food? It didn’t matter. The way he kept visiting you at your work to ask for indications? It didn’t matter. The way he kept flirting and teasing you around? It didn’t matter.

  None of it mattered because Hyunjin had been pretty clear before.

  He wanted you as a friend.

  A good friend.

   “I think…” You trailed off, darting your eyes away from her “I may…” You gulped down, reconnecting your gazes before sighing heavily “I guess I’m feeling attracted to him…” You admitted.

    It probably wasn’t the reaction she was expecting because Paris just let her mouth hang open as her eyes widened, utterly in shock to hear it coming out of your mouth. You pursed your lips, feeling kinda embarrassed by her reaction, averting your gaze once more as you played with your own fingers, refusing to look at her. Was it that strange for you to feel… Well, some kind of silly attraction towards your stupidly handsome friend?

    You didn’t think so.

    “You don’t need to be so surprised… It’s not like I’m a criminal or something” You muttered, peeking at her for a split of a second before focusing on your hands once more “I think the fake kiss kinda… Awoke something? Like a tiny little spark or something… Nothing too important or any—“ You were just rambling at this point.

    “No!” She blurted, hands waving exaggeratedly in front of her body “I mean- Yes! I’m not… I mean… It’s not that I’m shocked, I’m just…” She floundered her hands around, trying to find the right words in her mind “I think it’s great!” She chortled “Oh my God… Yeah, I think it’s great! It’s great that you have a crush on him or something!” She chirped, and you couldn’t help but frown.

    “How is it great?” You asked warily “We’re literally just friends and he’s the hugest fuckboy we had ever met” You reminded her “There is nothing great in it… Actually, I think that’s the worst thought my brain had ever had” You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

    “He’s not that bad!” She retorted eagerly “He’s actually really sweet!” She added quickly, trying to convince you as she patted your knee “I mean… He’s smart! Isn’t he? You guys are always arguing in class!” You arched your brow at the distorted way to boost him “He also has good grades! I know you like smart guys” She threw you an insistent look.

  Well… You were not so sure the attraction had much to do with his brains.

    “He’s also really funny! You’re always laughing at things he says!” She kept her monologue “He also likes the foods you like! He’s always spending time at the hot dog stand! He even knows your favorite food by now!” She was so excited at all this that it was almost like she was selling him to you “He has an amazing taste for TV shows! I can testify that” She smiled proudly “And he’s also interested in your things! He’s reading the books you like and everything!”

    Yeah… She kinda had a point, to be honest.

    “You said yourself that he had been flirting! So… I mean- It has to mean something, right?” She asked filled with hope, looking at you expectantly “He wouldn’t flirt with someone he doesn’t like! So to the very least, he likes you!” She clasped her hands together, excited.

    “He has been flirting with me even when we hated each other” You pointed out skeptically, and she groaned in frustration.

    “Okay! He’s a fuckboy, I get it! Flirting is what he does” She rolled her eyes, impatient “But he hasn’t been fucking anyone for a while! He has a crush on someone and he’s being really romantic about it!” She insisted, making your chortle.

    “Yeah… Because not fucking people around when you like someone is a great romantic gesture” You sneered “You sound too… Eager to make your point” You narrowed your eyes, tilting your head in suspicion “You’re not being the usual…” You cleared your throat to imitate her “I ship you guys so much!” You chirped mockingly, clapping your hands repeatedly in a short and rapid motion “You’re… Did he tell your something?” You asked curiously.

  “What are you talking about?!” She asked in a high-pitched tone, snorting in a too anxious way to be natural “It’s just that you’ve never shown interest in anyone before! I’m excited!” She dismissed your thought, waving her hand at you “I’ve been waiting for this! The day you would talk to me about boys and stuff like this!” She whined, and for a moment she really did sound sincere enough for you to believe her.

    “It doesn’t matter anyway” You shrugged “You said so yourself… He’s been crushing on someone” You pointed out, uncrossing your arms and returning your gaze to the TV “Also, it’s not like I want to fuck him… Too much trouble, right? I know he isn’t the type to attach… He wouldn’t risk our friendship just to get his dick wet” You reasoned.

    “What if he’s crushing on you?” She asked unsurely, glancing at you.

    “Yeah, right!” You just laughed it off, gesturing for her to hit the play.

[dahniwitchoflight]

KHUX - Where’d they all go?

Alright so, first!

Who and what and where did everyone end up?

Maleficient: Took a pod to a specific point in the future, achieved this by also using her pet crow to force memories of her present self by having it fly her cloak to the great fairies and make them remember her

Ephemer: Brain from outside manages to send two pods back into the data Daybreak Town to rescue Ephemer and Skuld, (with the last Pod still in the Data meant for the Player, so all three could escape) Pops out of the pod to see the destroyed real Daybreak Town, goes back in with Skuld to escape the dying worldline along with the others, Gets flung forward in time just a tad from his own perspective to become the Founder of Scala Ad Caelum from the ruins of the destroyed Daybreak Town (Still doesn’t answer how or why he popped out in KH3 to help, but eh, guess that’s a question for Dark Road?)

Lauriam: Hops into one of three Pods in the real Daybreak Town to escape, Gets flung to present KH Times in a flower field from Snow White’s world, most likely proceeds to become a nobody some time later

Elrena: Hops into one of three Pods in the real Daybreak Town to escape, Gets flung to roughly the same time and place as Lauriam, but on the stormy mountain from the Witch’s area of Snow White’s world,  most likely proceeds to become a nobody some time later

Ventus: Hops into one of three Pods in the real Daybreak Town to escape, Ends up in the keyblade graveyard, roughly a few years before BBS and is found by Old Xehanort starting that story

Player: Tricks Ephemer into sealing them and the 4 darknesses into a piece of the Data Daybreak Town by pretending to have fallen to darkness, ends up dying from the 4 Darknesses, sacrificing themselves to save Ephemer and Skuld. In the realm between Death and Sleep, their dying heart then reincarnates eventually into a new young Heart (as they sometimes do), into that of newborn Young Xehanort, who is from Scala Ad Caelum in the time of Dark Road-ish, gets sent to Destiny Island’s by a mysterious old man who then dies, and then Young Xehanort begins his journey in Dark Road

Strelitzia: Her apparent Nobody gets sent to the future into the real world by Luxu, but it’s unknown where or when she ends up, last seen walking off in a white version of the Nobody Coat  (I suppose this is another question Dark Road will likely answer?)

Skuld: Brain from outside manages to send two pods back into the data daybreak town to rescue Emphemer and Skuld, Pops out of the pod to see the destroyed real Daybreak Town, goes back in with Ephemer to escape the dying worldline along with the others, We don’t find out her whereabouts, but the remaining theory is that she is Subject X from BBS, Lea and Isa’s friend with amnesia (I suppose this is another question Dark Road will likely answer?)

Rest of the Sleeping Dandelions/Fallen Keyblade Wielders: As their hearts fall asleep, the Chirithy that is bound to their hearts also takes on a sleeping form and become Dream Eaters, Spirit shaped by their wielders Dreams in order to protect them

Luxu: Last seen dragging along the box, holding the keyblade, and lifting up his hood to reveal that he looks exactly like Brain just without the hat

Brain: Gets flung forward roughly to the time of Dark Road-ish, last seen in Scala Ad Caelum that has been rebuilt for a while now by Ephemer the founder from a long time ago, just without his signature hat, and due to his conversation with a figure named Sigurd (who gives him his hat back), has likely fallen roughly into the times of KH Dark Road, and is perhaps a closer ancestor to Eraqus than first thought! maybe even a grandpa or great-grandpa

now the fun thing about Luxu and Brain and why they might look the same, cuz there’s a few options:

Is that before their final scenes, the 2nd last scene Luxu and Brain had was with eachother, right after Brain sent everyone on their merry way, Luxu pops up and says hey watcha doing, and Brain says he wants to stay behind to help free all the sleeping keyblade wielders, even if it takes him the rest of his life, and Luxu comments at him that it’d be a shame for him to waste his life like that or something to the effect before a fade to black

and the thing is, we don’t get to see their individual arrangements for how Both Luxu and Brain escape to the worldline along with the others. We just know that for sure he doesn’t stay and wake up the wielders, because all of their chirithy’s turn into the dream eaters. (And also that apparently he left his hat behind before he left as he picks it up in Scala when Sigurd gives it back to him)

And since there’s only one seemingly possible pod left to take, the one from the data world left for the Player (who never took it and instead dies), theres seem to be only one spot left on the ride out, and with Luxu’s body snatching tendencies, it seems to suggest that Luxu overtook Brain’s Heart and Body, grabbed the last pod from the data and adios’d

BUT the key here is in their apparent attitudes that we know this is likely not the case, and also the Hat, not only does it make it obviously clear who is who, the logistics of the Hat make it clear as well

In both cases, the boy who ends up in the graveyard with the box and the key, and the boy who appears in Scala, neither of them have Brain’s hat

But Brain IS last seen with his hat

If Luxu had overtaken Brain, there would be no reason for him to discard the hat, since the entire point of the body snatching is to be that person

Then, when Brain wakes up in Scala, Sigurd comes along and presents the hat saying “We’ve been waiting for you.” and Brain takes it back

Brain would neither remove his hat, nor would Luxu remove it if he had overtaken Brain

Instead, the likelier option is that Luxu forcibly put Brain into a pod and sent him to the future, saying it would be a shame if Brain were to die while Daybreak Town fell to darkness, because that’s what would’ve happened if Brain tried to stay behind

Where does that Leave Luxu though? How does he get back?

Well back in the data daybreak town, there are actually two Pods left, one meant for the Player who never used it, which Brain likely ended up taking, and a Destroyed Pod that got written off since who would know how to fix it?

Oh, Luxu would! And we know he does, because he specifically taunts Brain with that knowledge, asking him if he even knows how their supposed to work, And wouldn’t ya know, it’s in the Data Daybreak Town, meaning Luxu wouldn’t have even need to physically fix it, he could have easily reprogrammed it to be fixed from the computer side

So, two people, two pods, Luxu sends Brain on his merry way, in the scuffle because Brain would have resisted, the hat might’ve been removed, and Luxu could have easily set it up so that the hat could be preserved and in the future they would know to look and wait for Brain to appear

The only mystery remains then is why does Luxu looks like Brain?

appearances are tricky things in the KH series as well all know, and Luxu’s face has been hidden all this time, likely because his face would have been a spoiler or potentially confusing had it been shown from the beginning of KHX, not KHUX even

The one hint we have, is that in the Back Cover cinematic, which takes places during KHX, If you look closely, apparently you can see a shaggy lock of hair under his hood that matches Brain’s

which means Luxu has probably looked liked Brain all along from the start!

And before getting into the crazier reasons of why someone would look like someone else in the KH series (look at you Ventus/Roxas, Sora/Vanitas, Kairi/Namine/Xion) 

the one that makes the most sense to me personally, consideriong this fact, is that Luxu is a Replica of some sort, of Brain, made by the Master of Masters to fulfill a specific purpose for him, and considering Luxu’s purpose was easily the most important of MoM’s plans, and with how in his early appearances Luxu appears very withdrawn, shy, or dependant on MoM but also separate in some way from the rest of the 5 and with how we know that MoM has no qualms creating living things to do his bidding like the Chirithy’s, we know he’s aware of the replica technology at the very least since the pod system appears to be a workaround for this very issue of needing a medium for the flesh at the appropriate time and place

I think him being a replica with Brain’s appearance makes the most sense, Brain was certainly already on MoM’s radar as a special keyblade wielder, since he was one of the ones MoM chose to be a new union leader, and the way that Luxu’s appearance has always been hidden, how he always wore the black coat which in KH3 seems to be confirmed as what a “default” Replica body appears in when not in use, as we see when Riku Replica shunts out evil Repliku to have the body for Namine, it appears as a doll covered in the black coat

To me, I think it’s fitting, and I think that Luxu being comfortable with shunting from body to body and switching between forms is also part of that, his original form is a replica made to mimic another person, so why wouldn’t he continue that trend? Moving his heart from vessel to vessel, never getting attached to the flesh or identity itself? 

So yeah, I believe that Luxu taking over Brain is a red herring that KHUX ending presents, but I believe it will ultimately not be the case, and the rest of Dark Road/Verum Rex will go further into the reason why that is, with Luxu being a Replica of Brain from the very start coming out on top as the most likely series of events