#but he just doesn't want anyone to get hurt :((((

[espionn]

people are so scared of the "cishet sneaking into the community to Do Things" boogeyman but like. what kind of argument even is that. it doesn't make sense to any degree.

first of all, assuming this was a real thing that was happening, what can a couple random people posing as queer possibly do that's harmful? its not like we get government benefits for being queer. its not like we have a limited number of chairs like the person above me says. its not really like we have super secret clubhouses that you have to know the gay password to get into. if your concern is that they'll invade our spaces to hurt us, they can do that without "pretending" to be queer. if your concern is that they're just annoying and attention seeking, sorry, annoying and attention seeking people will always exist in every space. there is no reason why these people are a threat to you.

second, this just isnt a thing that happens en masse. has some random cishet person claimed they "suffered the queer struggle" once? probably. but again, that doesn't actually harm anyone, and there isnt some huge movement to invalidate queer people. if someone isnt adversely affected by heteronormative society, the reality is that they don't really want to be here either. cishets arent frothing at the mouth to sneak into queer circles. again, we dont get any huge benefits, so why would they? the only reason these spaces might be valuable is if someone is affected by our heteronormative culture and wants a safe place to explore queerness. otherwise there's just no reason to be "invading our spaces". sorry.

third, like people have already touched on, excluding people for not appearing "queer enough" is just really fucked and antithetical. it forces people to out themselves unsafely and doesn't allow space for questioning and learning. this "in or out" attitude literally helps no one. if cishet-appearing people can't interact with queer circles, then we're gonna have a lot more queer people hating themselves and not understanding whats wrong with them.

finally, the most powerful argument of all: i dont give a shit. if cishet jacob wants to hang out in gay bars and call himself queer, i genuinely dont care. i cannot express enough how little difference that makes to me. as long as he isnt harassing anyone, cishet jacob can call himself queer all he wants. if he gets some kind of fulfillment out of it, good for him.

i think it's absurd to claim that aspec people don't suffer from heteronormativity, and they are absolutely as queer as any of us. but the point im trying to make is that this boogeyman that exclusionsists are so afraid of does not exist. its not rational at all. you're just hurting people and being some kind of weird purist about it.

does anyone else remember when peoples talking point against asexuality being a queer identity was to make up a cisgender heterosexual but aromantic man who wanted to get in to all the lgbt society meetings or was that just an embarrassing thing people i knew did

[alchemistc]

Buck's halfway through his third cup of startlingly bad coffee when Josh pushes the door to the breakroom open, looking mildly concerned in the half second before someone else looms over his shoulder.

He's too numb to do much more than take another sip of coffee as he watches Josh usher Tommy in.

The door clicks shut behind him. Buck wonders for a moment if Tommy's ever actually been to the new dispatch headquarters before. If he ever went to the old one, charming grin on his face while he waited for Abby to finish up so he could take her out, drive her home while her car was in the shop - but no, Tommy would have worked on it himself, maybe.

Had Josh recognized him, that first time, with half of his soot on Buck's face, and just never said anything?

The silence is tense. They're in a fishbowl, no room to lash out even if either of them wanted to because more than half the people working in this place can see them if they just tip their head to the side.

"How can I help?"

It's - his voice is strained, scared, worried. Buck doesn't have a single guess as to how he knows. Maybe Bobby. It's the only person he can think of who would have -.

Buck snorts. "I rebounded with a serial killer who just kidnapped my sister and my baby niece or nephew. I don't - I'm not sure what you want."

He glances up just in time to see the end of Tommy's grimace. Good. He's not sure how much more disastrous of a choice he could have made to try to get Tommy out of his system, but at least it hurts him to know. At least...

"Do you want me to go?"

Buck can't remember anyone asking, before. Usually they just... leave. Get up, walk out, disappear. Tommy bubbled Buck five times in three months. Buck went through seven bags of flour before he drove Eddie to the airport.

His voice shakes on his "No," and Tommy is there, all of the sudden, his hand hovering just over Buck's shoulder, like he realized halfway there it might not be welcome. "Do you still think I need to keep looking for someone better than you?"

It'd been seeing Tommy out with a guy that'd prompted him to stop fucking baking and make an effort to just...get over it But with Eddie away, and the rest of the 118 so wrapped up in their lives, there weren't a whole lot of outlets for that. And it's been easy to willfully misinterpret Tommy's breakup speech. Or - interpret it in the most hurtful way possible.

"Is this what you want to do right now?" Tommy asks, even and measured. "Will this help?"

"I want my sister back!"

Tommy takes a step back. His hands shift to his pockets, and Buck just wants -

"Why are you here?"

He tips his head up. Holds Tommy's gaze. Tommy flounders in a way Buck's never seen before.

He looks - tired. Good. White Henley under a flannel Buck had always told him brought out his eyes. The jeans Buck had stolen once or twice because they made his ass look good. His hair's grown in at the sides, and the sprinkling of greys are more obvious than the last time he'd seen it this length.

"I just... didn't want you to be alone."

Tears threaten at the corners of his eyes. He wants to laugh, but he's terrified if he starts he won't be able to hold in the fear. "When did that change?"

Tommy gnaws on his cheek. "You have so many people, Buck. You have -."

"I don't want emotional repression Tommy here, so if you're just here to keep me distracted until someone else can be here you should just... go."

Something flashes in his gaze. Anger, maybe. Terror.

"Please let me stay."

It hurts, to hear it. It hurts to hear the trepidation in his voice as he says it. Buck just wants to pull him in, tuck his face into the curve of his neck, soak in the warmth of his arms.

Buck spends too long staring at his knees. Long enough for Tommy to shift, to sigh, to nod his head decisively out of the corner of Buck's eye.

The word is stuck in his throat. Has been for months, since Tommy looked at him with teary eyes and walked away.

"I won't be able to let you go again."

He's already half turned away. Buck can only see half his expression as his eyes dip closed. He swallows. Nods, again.

Buck can't watch him push back through that door, so he stares at the toes of his boots until his vision starts to blur.

A second pair of toes swim into his eyeline. A hand shifts through his curls, snagging on knots, digging towards his scalp, and he can't quite bite back the sob. The arms that reach for him are warm, big and familiar, and Buck gives himself over to the panic and the fear that have been clawing at his chest for hours now. Tommy says something - whispers it into the air above Buck's head over and over, but Buck can't - he just -

He presses his face into Tommy's stomach, digs his fingers into the back of his shirt, sucks in horrible, gasping breaths. It's not enough. Nothing will be until he's got Maddie in his arms.

But it's more than he had an hour ago.

"Stay," he manages, and Tommy's fingers curl around Buck's neck and hold.

[keferon]

Ok i said i would do itater, but this was done for my sister who got really hurt and wanted comfort out of my drabble, shout out to you @saltynsassy31 XD

This will probably be very OOC bc again, i am NOT too acquainted with these characters

So apologies in advance, but i think this will still be very entertaining for you :]

So yeah, here's part 2!

---

Jazz was tired, they haven't given him much time to rest since he came back. And even if they did, it's not like he could rest anyways, thinking about....about Prowl.

No way he could have just left him, right? After everything....it just didn't feel right, and the way they spoke to him about it too. Call him crazy but something in his gut told him they were hiding something from him. But it just never seemed enough to push him to look into it (oh how he would regret that for the rest of his life)

Today was supposed to be a normal routine check to the new mechas, with new recruits coming in for him to teach.

Jazz was given a new mecha suit, despite his protests to it (which surprised even him honestly, but it just didn't feel right). He hadn't gotten the chance to see it yet, today was the day they would present the new model, though it was said to be in its early stages still.

...

He doesn't know how it happened, how he'd gotten here, but all he knew was that he had seen red. When he gotten to see his new mech suit, it seemed oddly familiar in touch, in fact something about it made him feel sick to his stomach.

Small dents and scarring coated the plating around the panels that opened to the cockpit. He recognised that plating, from crawling on it with his magnets, sleeping on them comfortably despite being made of metal (there was something so warm about it, but that warmth was....lost. He wanted to puke). But what broke the string holding him together, a scar, a scar so familiar it sent him back to the exact moment he witnessed his partner getting it in the first place.

Jazz had weilded that shut himself, they had gotten in a bad scuffle a while back, and with worry he wanted to try and make sure Prowl wouldn't be in too much pain before they could get some proper help.

"Jazz?" Someone called out to him. That was the last thing he remembered.

Now? Now he stood by the halls in which they didn't allow the likes of him inside, the halls in which the scientists worked on. He made a fast dash to the last room, the room one of the scientists told him had the one he was looking for (though he wasn't proud to admit he had perhaps aggressively gotten that answer out of the poor guy). He had a weird unknown blaster weapon with him that he had ripped from the mech suit he was supposed to try out (deep down, he hoped that weapon didn't belong to Prowl. He hoped that he wasn't too late), using that, he blasted the door open hoping that would keep anyone from stopping him from getting inside.

As soon as Jazz layed his eyes on the scene before him; his partner hanging from wires holding him into place, chain keeping him from leaving, mutilated almost beyong recognition save his face, and with a small weak staticked cry from his partner, "Jazz?" the small bit of awarness he had gained back was gone again. All he could do in that moment was to yell, a desperate cry that came from the pits of his lungs.

"GET AWAY FROM MY PARTNER!"

And in another flurry of motions he didn’t have complete control over, he was beating the ever living hell out of the prick who decided it was a good idea to mess with HIS partner! He didn’t even know how long he had been at it until the twisted man he called a boss scratched his face, small bits of blood flowing out. In shock and pain, he grabbed the man by the neck of his shirt and threw him to the otherside of the room. Once he was certain that he wouldn't be getting up again, he turned to face Prowl once more, running and calling out to him as he ran to scoop up his beloved's face, blurting out a mess of an apology.

"I'm so sorry, i shouldn't have brought you here- we, we need to get you out-"

Oh did the guilt eat him up from the inside, he- he shouldn't have brought him here. Prowl probably hated him right now, but the sudden distant bell of an alarm down the halls had him scrambling to his feet to try and make things right.

Suddenly, as adrenaline slowly faded off, he realised how much damage he had actually taken throughout his rampage, a limp on his left leg catching up to him. Stinging pain on his face and limbs, but he needed to keep moving, they weren't safe yet.

"I have to get you to a safe place," he mumbled, mostly to himself, "and- and then maybe call for help. Oh but who could i even go to?" As he spoke, he started to set Prowl's limbs free from it's chains, gods they were so damaged, he could barely look at the missing parts. But as he worked his way through, he let out small sighs of relief to see that at least, he seemed to not be missing some vital parts. He could still maybe make a run for it, if only he could stall the facility long enough-

"You really shouldn't have...."

Jazz turned in shock, Prowl's voice snapping him out of his panicked haze.

"Prowl..." if he wasn’t crying already, now he certainly was. Gods he fucked up badly.

Not having the courage to face the other just yet, he turned back to the chained leg he had been working on. Prowl didn't seem to have wanted an answer either way, sitting up as he watched the organic do his work (Jazz tried to ignore the missing arm).

As he finished getting rid of the chain, he got up again, letting out a hiss of pain from his injuries (which did not go unnoticed by the mech). Clutching his left side as a bleeding cut let out a terrible stinging sensation which he doesn't think he'll ever get used to, he walked over to the final limb stuck under chains. As he walked over, he briefed over the quick plan he thought of

"Look, i- i know you might not trust me right now-" a huff, almost soundling like a disbeliefing chuckle, was heard from the mech, Jazz ignored it. "But there is a place you can go to and hide, hide- hide until maybe i can get help or- or find a way to send you back-"

"You wouldn't make it that far." Prowl spoke, matter of factly, which got a hit under Jazz's skin

"I know that! Which is why you will make a run for it. There's an exit by the other side of this room where you can leave-"

A sudden realisation hit Prowl. Jazz wasn't planning on coming with him.

And the human nodded, seeming to understand that Prowl finally got what he was saying. As he reached the last final screw to Prowl's chains, he finished off what he was trying to say "I'll keep them busy long enough for you to leave," before he could finish, as the final screw was let lose and Prowl was free to move, he felt himself be lift up from the ground and let out a startled yelp. "Wha- HEY!"

It took Jazz being shoved inside Prowl's cockpit for him to realise that he had been picked up by the mech (maybe a possible concussion he thought to himself). Jazz couldn't even try to jump out as, despite it missing the plating to shut him inside, Prowl placed his servo up to close to exit.

Desperately and confused, Jazz called out, "What are you doing?!"

To be entirely honest, Prowl wasn't sure himself, he was just as confused as the human to his actions, usually so full of logic. This one was acted apon pure emotion. Emotion of fear, anxiety, anger but most importantly

Desperation

Because somehow, this stupid human had his spark between his fingers, and he'd be dammed if he let him get himself killed just for him.

This isn't how he would want to say goodbye

---

Thanks again, to my sister who pushed me to write this, and also helped out in some parts!

Might have done more if i could, but it's super late rn lol (it's 4am and our mon will kills us for staying up this late).

Again sorry for any OOC moments, but i hope this was to your enjoyment! Maybe i can do a part 3 to this, but idk enough about how things work to do that, so i let anyone be free to mess around with this :]

Oh my... oh fuck I can't. I just keep thinking about Prowl pressing his palm on his chest even when other humans eventually get to him and start shooting. He's a mess, half of his armor is missing he's probably leaving an energon trail behind him. But he knows that while it would take a lot of bullets to take him down, it would take only one lucky bullet to kill Jazz. I'm. AUGh

[exhuastedpigeon]

please don't go 8x08 code - 646 words

"Don't go."

The words are trapped in a cage at the back of Buck's throat. Every time he's opened his mouth in the last week he's had to speak around them. He feels like a tiger pacing his enclosure, like he's going to snap at the bars if anyone gets too close.

"Stay."

He smiles when Eddie shows him house listings in El Paso. Smiles when Eddie invites him to the virtual tour. Smiles when Eddie tells him he's flying down to see the house in person. Smiles when he shows up at Eddie's house the night before his flight with another basket of scones because he baked and baked and baked but the words are still there, clawing at the bars trying to get out.

"Don't go."

His jaw hurts with how tightly he's clenching it when he slides into the driver's seat and starts the car to take Eddie to the airport. He's worried that if he opens his mouth at all he won't be able to stop himself from saying it. Won't be able to keep the constant thrum of "Don't leave me. Stay. Don't go. Please don't leave me" from passing his lips.

"Don't go."

He manages to say goodbye without the words tumbling out. Manages to watch Eddie walk through the departure doors. But then someone else must take over his body because he's parking his car in the tow away zone and ignoring the airport employee's yells that he can't park there and he's running.

"Don't go."

He surprises himself when the words actually leave his mouth. He clearly surprises Eddie too, because he turned around with wide eyes and looks at Buck like he's seen a ghost.

"Buck..."

"Eddie," Buck walks forward and pulls him into a bone crushing hug. Tries to put everything he's kept caged at the back of this throat into the hug. "D-don't go."

"I have to. Buck I have to get him back," Eddie says into his neck. Buck can feel a wet patch on his shoulder and he knows he's not doing any better.

"Please. Please come back," Buck says instead of what he wants to say which is "let me come with you."

"I will," Eddie pulls back enough that Buck can see his face. "I swear, I'll come back."

And Buck kisses him. He's a tiger that's escaped it's enclosure and is finally free after years of being trapped. He's a man standing in the middle of LAX kissing the love of his life, begging him to stay.

He's an idiot because Eddie is straight.

But then Eddie is kissing him back - Eddie. Eddie Diaz. His Eddie. - Is kissing him.

"I can't stay, but - but you can come with me."

"I've got to move my car," Buck laughs, a rush of relief and joy exploding out of him. He doesn't have any clothes except what he brought to Eddie's last night, but that doesn't matter.

"Okay," Eddie grins, soft and so fucking fond. It feels like all Eddie was waiting for was for Buck to ask him to stay and all Buck was waiting for was for Eddie to ask him to come with him.

By some miracle Buck doesn't have a ticket on his Jeep when he walks back outside. He doesn't bother driving to one of the lots, just spends the frankly insane amount of money on the valet and manages to get the last seat on Eddie's flight.

That night, when they're checked in at a hotel near the El Paso airport it's Eddie's turn to say it when Buck rolls out of bed to go to the bathroom.

"Don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Inspired by @lonelychicago amazing art.

[beautifullilacsky]

I have been feeling weird these days. Frankly, just not great. Pretty bad. I have been belittling myself, trying to hide and disappear. What has helped me? Going for a walk by myself. Listening to an audiobook and realizing there are things that I enjoy doing and that make the time pass. Belasting music through my earplugs while in the bathroom, and looking in the mirror as I start to move my body and dance. Write with myself; so pure and vulnerable. So understanding and loving towards myself. I felt like myself again. I reflected on a drawing, where I added a text. I realized that I was, or am, trapped. I try to disappear, trying to hide from everyone. Hoping to protect myself from dissapointing people and being too much. From them leaving, or realizing they no longer love me. Then I went on to mention how lonely it is here, isolating me and who I am, while there is someone out there who does love me for me. It then turned into wondering why I am here. And why these leaves, in which I tried to disappear, are so heavy. I realize that I am no longer wanting to hide. Rather, I am trapped. Trapped into my own hideaway. Where the leaves are no longer lovingly embracing me, they are cutting into my skin. Reflecting helped me realize it, and realize I want to get out. And I have the power to do so.

Frankly, I want to be like in the gif every single day. I also honestly know that I could. I can find casual magic in everything. I can be so passionate about life and everything it has to offer. That feels like the true me. The one who experiences it all, and is grateful for it. Sure, the other parts of me are also me. But I feel my best when I am I that mood. The mood from the gif. My boyfriend is out right now, volleyballing until the very early hours. His roommate is also not home. It is just me, and gash. I am excited. I have already listened to music and danced, but I also ate too much and feel very full right now. Either way.. it is scary to be so me. To be so vulnerable and truly myself in front of someone. I know I can do it. I acted this way during our vacation. Why is it so hard to just be myself? To trust someone enough to be my true self? It's a safe space, babygirl. Sure, sometimes it hurts in this place. But don't you dare pull back because of it. I mean, to be fair, how could anyone ever do anything but smile when they see someone living life like that? What do I expect? The worst that could happen is that someone finds it interesting how you can enjoy and aren't ashamed in public. BUTO BE FAIR EH? WHHHHHYY IS IT SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF? I fucking LOVE people who enjoy like that. I wish I could be surrounded by them. So baby, if the people around you aren't like that, okay and??? Be like that for yourself. He doesn't show his emotions the way you do? Okay and??? Let him experience his emotions the way he wants to. He can honestly count himself blessed to be with a person who can enjoy life so fully. Please, love this part of yourself. Well, you already do. But do it without shame. Do it proudly. Embrace it, truly. You have been taking everything for granted. It's time to be grateful, and be so without any doubt. Please, enjoy life the way you were meant to. Learn to be yourself, the way you are yourself when you are alone. He might not vibe on the same level, but that doesn't mean you should dim your own light. Yoyoyo, please learn to be yourself. Your silly, cute, life-enjoying self. I love the way you are , babygirl. So will he. And if he doesn't, that's big time his loss. Though, I'm pretty sure he loves this part of you, too. I know you love this part of you, so show off that you love her. She is yours. Show your love off by letting her out, the way you'd want someone to love this part of you. She deserves to come out and enjoy life with you. Whoever else is around. She feels safe with you. Please let her feel safe around him, too. He'd embrace her the way she wants to be embraced. Just like on our vacation. That you can still come out during the daily life without any judgement, you know?

[archiveof22048]

there she goes | rin itoshi

sfw | fem!reader with she/her pronouns

there she goes again.

she passes by him, as she tends to do when she's helping out all the athletes on the field. she walks with a purpose, a quick gait, and it almost seems like she's marching. with one water bottle in her hand and a case holding five others, she's doing her best to hydrate everybody, making sure no one ends up passed out.

what he seems to notice before all else is her big smile, like she enjoys being here in blue lock. it's a kind smile paired with gentle eyes, and if he takes just a second longer to stare at your face he might in fact get completely lost in thought.

then, a water bottle appears before him.

"itoshi, water?"

there you are, standing right in front of him. he looks up at you from his place on the bench.

he takes the water, meekly. "... thanks," he says. "and i told you to call me rin."

while maintaining eye contact with him, you giggle as you reply, "ah, my bad. i'm a bit forgetful outside the field."

you then do something unexpected as he drinks his water– you lean down and grab the towel that rests around his neck. then, you gently pat dry his neck, jaw, and forehead. "you're getting a bit sweaty," you comment. "make sure you dry yourself off once in a while so your skin doesn't get irritated."

you smile at him, a beautiful, bashful one at that.

then, you continue your rounds with your quick stride and exclaim, irritatedly, "igarashi, are you trying to get yourself hurt? stop trying to dive on the turf, you already have a bunch of wounds that are healing on your knee! let me take a look at them!"

rin looks down at the grass.

maybe he'll play just a little bit more aggressively for the rest of practice.

he does so, unsurprisingly, yet unintentionally. he swears he was being careful as he was doing his shuttle runs across the field, but he catches a glimpse of you in his peripheral vision. he really wants to think you were watching him, but he can't be so sure. even so, he runs just a little bit faster. the persistent thought remains in his mind, it consumes him so, and he ends up face-down on the ground as he trips over his own feet.

immediately you rush over to him and set him on his side to keep him from choking on the blood of his epistaxis. in quick and concise movements, you plug up his nose with a cotton ball and you ask him, "are you okay? do you know where you are?"

no.

"yes."

in your arms.

"at blue lock."

you sigh in relief. thankfully, rin seems to be oriented. you sit him up and hold onto his shoulders as you tell him, "we're going to take you to the medic so you can rest. you haven't been playing well all day."

to anyone else, he would have popped a vein at that. but since it is you, all rin can do is resign and pull himself up.

as the two of you walk out the field, all of the blue lock eleven team along with the bench exchange odd glances at each other, as if they've come to a unanimous conclusion.

then, it is the two of you in the hallway. walking side by side. silently. alone.

"sorry..." you start. rin glances over at you, who is looking at the ground in discomfort.

he slows in pace, and you do the same. soon, you both come to a full stop, looking at each other.

"i didn't mean to say you weren't playing well, not in that way, at least," you clarify, clasping your hands together in sheepishness. "i usually am watching you, and you looked a little... distracted?"

rin takes a moment before he replies. you are usually watching him? you?

well, of course you are, he thinks to himself, you're the assistant medic for blue lock, after all. of anybody that should be kept in the most pristine, healthiest condition, it should be him. there is definitely no other reason that you should be keeping your eyes on him only.

though, as he quickly files through all of the interactions he's had with you in the few weeks that you've made yourself known in blue lock in his memory, they all seem to show the same thing– your gentle smile, your kind eyes, the soft touch of your hands. you are clearly nothing like he's ever known during his time at blue lock; you're someone who looks beyond his talent, someone who seeks for the humanness of rin itoshi.

for once, rin is rendered speechless, nor can he simply scoff and brush off your apology like it's nothing. he stares at you with slit eyes, trying to come up with a semblance of a reply.

so, he decides to be truthful.

"i was distracted."

"why?" you ask. "if there's something on your mind, we can talk about it. is it the upcoming game?"

rin hesitates. "no," is all he can say. how can he talk to you about what's on his mind, when you're the one distracting him in the first place?

"rin, i can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

his gaze softens. whatever was tense in his body ultimately relaxes, and rin feels at ease.

"you called me rin," he says.

you let out a humored exhale, and you give him a bashful smile. "yes, i did call you rin. you told me to."

rin licks his lips out of habit and turns his gaze downward, towards the ground. for some reason, he can't look at you.

he feels like a boy, a child free of hatred and grudge.

what have you done to him?

[delusionalbitchinthehouse]

Alpha is done with Terzomega, but he's not much better. Featuring, well, obviously, sickeningly in love Terzomega and one interesting situationship between the second Emeritus brother & our dealy beloved asshole of a fire ghoul (affectionate).

Terzo and Omega are being painfully obvious and Alpha is so, so done. There is no way in hell they're going to fool anyone if they keep glancing at each other that way, looking away precipitately whenever they make eye contact. They are in a goddamn meeting for Lucifer's sake, something about next tour's budget that the two ghouls are only attending to make it look like the Clergy gives a single damn about creatures like them, and here are those two fools, "we just fucked" pratically written on their foreheads. Alpha leans toward Omega until he can hiss exasperatedly directly in his ear.

"Can you be any more obvious ? Stop staring, and stop touching your neck, Satanas."

It would be funny, to see a big ghoul like Omega dip his head down bashfullly the way he does just now, if it didn't bring such a sickeningly soft look in Terzo's eyes, one that even from the corners of his owns Alpha can see. It's sweet. Alpha can feel cavities forming in his mollar. There's not much else he can do though, so he straightens back in his seat, glaring at Terzo in hope of conveying the warning he's too far away to angrily whisper at him.

Except that Terzo doesn't even has the decency to be embarrassed about it ; no, he smirks and raises a smug eyebrow at his fire ghoul, who has to make a concious effort not to accidentally set his seat aflame.

This meeting better be over in less than five minute or someone will get hurt.

The second it is, and they're out of view, Alpha drags Omega and Terzo toward a relatively private hallway by the back of their neck, spitting mad, tail lashing behind him.

"Are you two out of your goddamn minds ?!"

Unfortunately, fueled by Terzo's evident delight at the situation, Omega has recovered from the initial embarrassement, his eyes now crinkled in a way that means he's smiling under his mask. Alpha is going to throttle him.

"Come now, Alpha, you're blowing things out of proportions," Terzo has the galls of chuckling, mischief brightening his features and isn't it Satan's best joke that being a dick is what makes this little asshole happy, because Alpha is equal part boiling with fury and glad to see that painted mouth losing a bit of its usual frown.

He's still pissed though.

"Blowing- you were making bedroom eyes at eachother from across the table ! Do you have any idea how incriminating it is, not to mention absolutely fucking disgusting ?"

Omega shrugs elegantly, the wide plane of his shoulders raising easily.

"You're the only one that finds happiness disgusting, Al"

There's a chuckle trapped in the quint's voice, which does not help Alpha's temper. He stares at those two idiots, Terzo nonchalently leaning back into Omega's chest, humming in approval as the quint's hands work on tense muscles at the back of his neck. They are effortlessly domestic like this, relaxed and so, so easy to figure out. Alpha chucks his mask off just so he can bury his face in his hands and very nearly scream.

"One, seeing you being all lovey-dovey makes me want to throw up, the less I know about you two, the better, and two, if I can see it, everyone else can. You could get into so much trouble, you know that ?"

Omega's deep chuckle does not help at all. How can they be so careless ? How can they swat the risks like flies, knowing damn well how ruthless consequences can be here ? But then Terzo's face settles into something more serious, as he reaches out to straighten Alpha's grucifix, fix his collar and redo the buttons that popped open with gentle care.

"It's alright, dear. We are aware of our situation, but stopping ourselves from living because of it is out of the question. With acceptance comes a lot of freedom."

If Alpha is stubborn, Terzo is much worse, contrarily to popular belief, there is no way the fire ghoul will make him change his mind. Even less so when Omega joins in, voice calm and steady.

"You have to trust our judgement, or at least respect it, firefly. We made a choice. We'll stick to it, come what may."

Mourning the fact that he doesn't even has Ifrit's sad puppy dog eyes as a last resort to try and please convince them to be more careful, Alpha let out a long-suffering sigh.

"Alright. But I swear to everything that's unholy, if I walk in on you two, or if i hear anything coming from one of your rooms, I'm burning your beds down."

Terzo's smile is back tenfold, radiating the same smug energy as earlier.

"Of course, dear. We'll try our best."

He's wearing that "I know something you don't know" face, Alpha realizes. He narrows his eyes at the Papa.

"What ?"

It's Omega who answers though, no doubt grinning from ear to ear.

"By the way, Secondo's walls aren't as thick as you seem to think, mutt."

The echo of the second Emeritus brother's voice curling around the word in that half condescending, half appreciative tone bounces in Alpha's mind, sending a embarrassed flush to color his cheeks. It's almost immediately overruled by anger, as he bares his teeth in a dangerous snarl.

"Breath a word of this to annyone, and i'll dissect you two alive, understood ?"

Terzo only laughs, going up on his tiptoes to press a kiss on Alpha's forehead, like he always does when he teased him enough and wants to appease the fire ghoul.

"Of course, dear, of course, though I'm sure i'd still look fantastic on the slab."

Omega nods at Alpha, crossing himself backward still with that fucking glint in his eyes, before ducking down to press the sealed mouth of his mask against the crown of Terzo's head.

"You would. I can't think of any situation you wouldn't be beautiful."

Now they're just taking the piss, aren't they. Alpha is frowning so bad his face is starting to ache. Terzo seems aware, if his shit-eating grin is anything to go by.

"You flatter me, my love."

With a fake gagging noise, Alpha shoves them away.

"I assure you you wouldn't look that great in a tomb, so you two better piss off before I start digging."

Of fucking course Terzo and Omega saunter away giggling, pinkies entertwined. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Alpha is about to turn back on his heels when his phone pings. He digs it out of his pocket, frowning at the cracked screen. The message is curt, abrupt, so typical of the impatient, technology adverse man it comes from.

My room in fifteen minutes.

Of course, Alpha doesn't have to. If he doesn't show up, Secondo wil just find something else to occupy himself, or maybe jack off on his own if he really is that horny. Despite the tone of the text, Alpha is aware it's more an invitation than an order. But, well. It's not like the fire ghoul has anything more interesting to do...despite the heavy sigh he let out at his own predictability, he slinks off toward Secondo's room with a slight waving of tail. He's careful to use as much secret passages as he can, because Satan forbid he runs into Omega and Terzo again and give them even more amunition.

As he reaches the door to Secondo's room, he feels far too much like a hypocrite, at least until he shakes his head to clear it.

Whatever. At least he has the decency not to make this a public shitshow.

And if Secondo's sharp gaze thrown Alpha's way above the rim of his reading glasses makes the fire ghoul's stomach swoop strangely pleasantly, well. It's a secret he'll take to his grave.

[curly-my-beloved]

Jimmy with his girlfriend who also works on tulpar? It’s 100% abuse 🫶🏻 please I love him

TW: implied SA (coercion). physical, emotional and mental abuse. manipulation. gaslighting. jimmy mouthwashing starter pack.

Jimmy's partner on Tulpar

Jimmy is not abusive all the time. Only when you're doing something he doesn't like.

Don't get me wrong, that is extremely often, but he's very good at gaslighting you into thinking that he's not all that bad.

Hell, he's incredible at making the relationship seem happy. Feel happy. Maybe, in some way, even be happy. For a short while.

In those brief moments, you truly believe he loves you.

And maybe he does. His love is rather twisted and cruel, but it's still love. In his eyes, at least.

He doesn't hit you, before anyone asks. He doesn't. No.

He does, however, often grab and pull you around when nobody's looking.

The most physically violent thing he does is grab you and shove you against a wall. He's got a really strong grip on you, bruising, even.

He doesn't even yell at you, it's more of a furious harsh whisper when he's really mad. But that's only for the extreme situations and only when you're alone.

Usually, he just... gives you silent, somewhat discreet warnings.

If he's holding you in any way, you get a warning squeeze. Otherwise, it's a cold, emotionless glare that sends shivers down your spine.

He doesn't really need to do much to get you to listen. You're used to him being dominant in the relationship, after all.

Yeah... dominant...

Of course, you never really bring up to him if you feel wrong. You're happy, he loves you. He tells you he loves you. He shows you he loves you.

He always assures you about it at night. He loves you, he loves you so much, baby, you drive him mad...

You understand why he gets angry at you sometimes, don't you? He needs you to be only his, to stay with him, to love him, to never, ever leave him...

He's such a poor, wounded soul, you see that, right? You can't leave him. He doesn't mean to hurt you or be a bad boyfriend... you know he means well, right? You know he loves you, right?

And you love him too. You love him so much. It's why you agree to everything. To the pushing and pulling, to the love and hatred...

To the touching. Even if you don't want it. Even if you hate it.

You would never dare tell him to stop.

[moonylvs]

Be Careful!

Summary: You get a new piercing and the guys find out and maybe they worry a little too much!

This was a request!: 'Hello! Could you possible do a romantic Jegulus x reader who's obsessed with getting piercings and maybe the boys are freaked about watching her get one or keep accidentally hitting her new piercing and hurting them?' I think I changed the idea a bit but I hope you like it, anon!

Pairing: Jegulus x Reader

Words: 1.5k

ⓘ Warnings: None I think? mostly fluff! Use of yn once (English is not my first language so I'm sorry for the mistakes, I hope this doesn't stop you from enjoying the story!)

Piercings were nothing new to you, you'd had a few done over the years, mostly in your ears, you thought they were cute and you had a million earrings that you swapped out over the days.

But most of these piercings you had made before you started dating James and Regulus, so they never saw when you made them or the days that followed.

James absolutely adored them, when you cuddled he would watch and play with them, Regulus loved them too, sometimes he had even given you some earrings in the shape of a star or with thin chains as a gift.

That day you decided that you wanted to try another kind of piercing, not one on your ears, you thought about one on your lip or maybe your nose, but you didn't know how much the teachers at school would like it so you preferred not to risk it.

After a while of thinking you finally decided and hours later you had your piercing, it was one in the belly button, it wasn't painful and they told you it would heal fast, which reassured you.

You didn't tell anyone that you were getting it done, not thinking it would be important, besides you thought of giving James and Regulus a little surprise.

But that day you didn't have time to say anything, James was stuck practicing on the Quidditch pitch and Regulus had to tutor a third year boy.

You didn't think much of it, you waited until they were both free to tell them.

That moment came relatively quickly, because the next day after breakfast James invited you to Hogsmaede, he said he had already told Regulus so the three of you would meet there.

It didn't take you long to get ready, putting on a skirt and a not too tight white blouse, you didn't want your clothes to be rubbing against the piercing and cause you pain.

When you arrived at Hogsmaede you could almost instantly spot James and Regulus, who were sitting on a bench in front of a Honeydukes.

Regulus didn't take long to notice you, smiling slightly, his eyes sparkling at the sight of you.

James followed after, smiling broadly and standing up, walking over to you and wrapping his arms around you.

“Hi love” Jmaes said sweetly, leaving a kiss on your forehead and wrapping his arms around your waist.

You smiled instantly, wrapping your arms around his neck and sinking into his arms, for a moment you forgot about your piercing, but quickly remembered it, as you felt a twinge of pain the moment your body touched James'.

“Ouch!” you couldn't help but let out a low gasp of pain as you felt the contact, instantly James pulled away, his brow furrowing with concern, in a second Regulus was already at his side, looking at you with the same concern.

“What happened? Did I hurt you?” James asked instantly, looking you over from head to foot for any sign of discomfort or harm, James thought maybe he had hugged you too tightly or had been too rough.

“No, no, I'm fine” You said instantly, giving him a reassuring little smile. “It's just that I accidentally crushed my piercing when we hugged” You said with some amusement, but only earned a confused look from both boys.

“Piercing?” Regulus asked with confusion, looking at your ears in search of a new piercing, but his brow furrowed as he didn't notice any new ones, he knew your piercings by memory so he would have noticed if there was a new one.

You couldn't help the slight chuckle you let out when you saw their confused faces, but you simply nodded.

“Mhm” You mumbled, lifting your white blouse very slightly so they could see your belly button, which had an earring that was silver and had a pretty light blue gem.

Both boys' eyes instantly widened, staring at the piercing in your belly button.

They were both silent for a moment, just watching it, they were totally shocked.

“Why didn't you tell us you were getting a new piercing?” Regulus said abruptly, his brow slightly furrowed and his voice sounding more serious than he intended.

Your brow furrowed instantly, watching him with some annoyance, did you have to tell them when you wanted to do something to your body?

“Why would I have to tell you?” You said with confusion and harshness, though your tone didn't sound entirely annoyed.

Regulus' face changed to one of confusion, he now understood that the question had sounded very bad and his tone of voice hadn't helped.

James noticed the tension instantly and quickly interjected.

“He didn't mean it like that!” James said instantly with some concern, making a denial sign with his hands, to which Regulus nodded instantly, his face paling slightly now he realized that you had definitely taken his question the wrong way.

“I meant why didn't you tell us so we could go with you or at least know so we wouldn't hurt you, like now” Regulus explained calmly.

Your face instantly relaxed, now you understood everything better.

“It was something out of the blue, I just wanted to do it and I didn't have time to tell you, I thought it would be a surprise” You said calmly, your face slightly embarrassed by the way you had reacted earlier.

“It suits you” Regulus said, tilting his head sideways and smiling slightly.

You could only smile brightly, feeling your cheeks flush red.

James next to him smiled too, but for a moment his face turned worried, now that he knew you had a piercing he felt bad for hugging you so tightly.

“I didn't hurt you, did I? God, I hugged you so hard didn't I? I'm sorry, if I had known-” James quickly began to say, repeating over and over again how sorry he was that he hurt you.

You couldn't help the giggle that came out of you at seeing him so worried, your hand went to his cheek, instantly silencing him.

“I'm fine, James, it was just a light brush, you didn't hurt me, okay?” you said softly, lightly caressing his cheek and leaving a kiss on his mouth.

“Are you sure?” James asked with a little pout, still worried that he might have caused you some pain.

“Mhm, but maybe a kiss would make me feel better” You said with a small amused smile, looking at his lips for a moment.

You didn't have to tell James twice, in a second his lips were on yours, leaving a soft kiss, his hands were on your waist, making sure to keep distance between both bodies, he didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

Regulus next to you just watched the two of you with affection, a small smile on his face at how careful and sweet James was.

“God forbid yn decides to get a lip piercing because that will be the end of you” Regulus muttered towards James with amusement when you and James finally broke away from the kiss.

James couldn't help but laugh, even though he himself knew that would be the end of him, the boy couldn't go a day without even giving you a kiss.

You instantly laughed, then moved closer to Regulus, cupping his cheek and leaving a kiss on his lips.

“Don't even mention it because I know you would suffer the same” You said with amusement, to which Regulus' cheeks turned pink, although he tried to hide it immediately, rolling his eyes.

The next few days were torture for both of them, James barely hugged you for fear of hurting you, but Regulus had found ways to stay glued to you, he spent most of the time holding your hand, or sitting you on his lap with his hands on your legs and not on your stomach.

James spent most of the time on top of you, watching you not to hurt yourself, you had tried to tell him that it wasn't necessary, that it wasn't even painful and he didn't have to worry so much.

But simply said, James didn't give a shit.

James spent all his time with you, walking in front of you in the corridors so that no one would accidentally hit you, always making sure that the clothes you wore weren't too tight so that you wouldn't hurt your piercing.

Regulus was a bit more reasonable, the boy asked you to let him take care of your piercing, to which you said yes, it was one less load and Regulus was very delicate.

Every day, when you woke up and before you went to sleep Regulus would clean your piercing, using soap and water with a wet washcloth, being careful not to hurt you, the black-haired boy would take his time and James would stand by and watch him the whole time, muttering a “Be careful, Reg” every now and then, to which Regulus would just roll his eyes, saying he was being careful.

The next few weeks it was like this, even though their concern was extreme for something so insignificant, you were grateful to both of them, because you were able to spend more time with them and enjoyed their care.

Although probably after a few weeks, you had started to get sick of the phrase "Be careful!"

This is so cute! I feel like I may have strayed a bit from the original idea of the request but I hope you like it! xoxo

[choccorin]

grammer errors, ooc, very self indulgent

suguru will always be there when you're at your lowest. when you start to skip meals, when you lock yourself in your room and rot under the covers—only getting up when you feel extremely dehydrated or when you go to the bathroom—when you start to sleep more and more hours each day, when you think that the only comfort you can get is from harming yourself.

he won't mutter empty assurance like it'll be okay or everything's going to be alright because even he doesn't know if everything will be okay again, but what he's certain about is that you need someone. so he keeps you safe in his arms for however long you want him to, while the both of you sit on your bedroom floor like a pile of laundry. he hugs you tight enough to make you feel that you're not alone and that no one will hurt you when you're with him—he'd protect you from anyone, even yourself. he'll let you cry out rivers; he doesn't care if you get his favorite t-shirt wet with rivers of tears. he can just wash and let it dry, but a single spin of a washing machine won't take your pain away.

while you isolate yourself in your room, he makes your favorite foods, never buying them. he knows how much homemade dishes mean to you, so this is the least he can do to help you feel a tad bit better. his heart would melt at the sight of your soft smile as you ate one of your favorite foods, one that he made with all the care and love in his heart.

he knows that you feel like you're unable to move your body during these times, how it feels like gravity is constantly pressing your body down, so he lays down with you, either in complete silence or with you talking to him, even if your voice is raspy and barely audible. he'd even read you your favorite books sometimes, emphasizing your favorite moments to make you feel joy.

the worst thing he can do is leave you alone, to let your self-loathing manifest even more and make you sink into a hole that can take you years to climb out of, but he'll make sure it doesn't happen. he'll always stay by your side, through your best and worst days and through heaven and hell.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

It's here. The moment. Fuck.

This stupid quote and this stupid sad guy whose stupid name looks like stupid frodo has been seen by my stupid eyes over and over and over.

And I have thought with full ego, "It's okay. This time I'm ready. This time I will finally get justice. This time I will research everything and know all the laws and eventually organize all my evidence. This time will be the time everything comes together. This time I will win the war on my own justice because I am prepared and strong and I got this."

And I waited. I took the hits. I learned how to feel things. I recalibrated. I was clever. I was perfect. I never let myself fucking relax because I was ready. I had the outcome in mind. This was it and he was dumb enough to play wrong. I got this.

And today I have to accept that I don't.

And worst still? It doesn't fucking matter,

I can still use all this learning and work and wisdom and even the documentation for something. It's beautiful and I don't regret learning to making any of it. I can learn the lesson, cut my losses, and just move on. I'm not fighting for the end of my world by going to war and dragging this out.

I betrayed and abandoned myself for nothing.

Choosing to drag this out in the court system and waste money and go through all the hoops right after this last election?

It would be for nothing.

I have the ability to make his life miserable for the rest of his. I don't need to pay thousands to do that if I want to. I can tell my story wherever I want and I don't have to have it judged by people in the way the judicial system would process it. I have the freedom to get whatever satisfaction I need to move on. I don't have the money or time or energy to prove it to an entire system.

I don't need to devote myself to teaching him a lesson. I can just get rid of him and make sure my son is taken care of. That's all that matters to me anyways. I don't regret raising him better than anyone else could or putting my trust in someone who decided to abuse it.

But it hurts. It feels like losing a friend. My evil ego friend who was going to make everything okay and everybody pay.

I don't have to kill her but I do have to rename her. I think I'm also sad that I learned quickly that my voluntary isolation did make me overestimate my abilities of influence with people that have more braincells than a goldfish unlike my ex.

Arrogance doesn't make intelligence and I'm smart enough to know my platform is a rotting soapbox and not a stage where I can razzle dazzle them.

If this was a karaoke battle I'd whip their asses, though.

I have to build yet another grave for this ego death. At this point I have a little cemetery I've had to build in my mind to keep track of them.

I am so disappointed. I'm kind of relieved. I mostly feel stupid. I felt the bee color spectrum of human emotions today and didn't end up with an autistic meltdown. Or a migraine. That, my friends, is something.

Fuck. Unlocked a new mystery path, I guess.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”

Today must have been gollum biting my finger off before I throw him into the volcano. Or annikan screaming his hatred as he burns with his legs cut off.

Fuck you, Dostoevsky. You got me. Finally.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”

[vickytaa]

Music keeps me alive. M.S. Chapter IV

sumerry: y/n's father passed away, and she moved to Boston to finish school. She always keeps her headphones on, only she knows the reason why. What happens when she meets Matt?

Chapter I - Chapter II - Chapter III

Y/n Pov:

I was never a big fan of parties, especially when I didn't know anyone, but being next to Matt always calmed me down a bit. After the thing with Emily, everything felt weird and uncomfortable, but the guys quickly noticed it on my face and made me feel at ease again.

“Honey, I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back,” I told Matt, who kissed me on the forehead and let go of my hand so I could go. It didn't take long, or well, a little bit. I just did my business and touched up my makeup a bit, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back out. The party wasn’t bad, and getting to know the guys' friends better is great, it's just that I was tired and I've never been one to go to these parties, but if Matt liked it and it made him happy, obviously I was going to go with him.

As I walked in, I was met with a crowd of sweaty bodies dancing together, which made me a little uncomfortable. But when I found Nick talking to Chris, everything else faded away. Reaching the circle where everyone was chatting, I saw him. Matt was wrapping his arm around Emily's waist, just like he used to with me. He must have made a mistake. But how could he not realize it wasn't me? Maybe he'd just had too much to drink... But Matt doesn't drink much. I was approaching them when I saw Emily grab his jaw and kiss him. He didn't pull away, he kissed her back. How? Why? Didn't anyone notice that I wasn't the one with Matt?

Without realizing it, my eyes had filled with tears and some rolled down my cheeks. My breath caught in my throat. My heart ached. Those few seconds of their kiss felt like years to me. I felt invisible, until Matt heard a sob coming from me and turned around. That's when he realized that the girl he was kissing wasn't his girlfriend, it was Emily.

I was in shock, my world was falling apart, again. "What? Y/n?" I heard Matt say, looking completely confused. I had trusted him, I had told him things about myself that I never thought I would tell anyone else. I couldn't think of anything else, I wanted to get out of there, away from everything, from everyone, lock myself in my room and never come out. So I did, I turned around and started running through the crowd, while I heard Matt shouting for me to stop as he ran after me.

"Y/n! Wait!" Matt repeated, his voice desperate. I had managed to get out of the house, but hearing him cry made me unable to contain my pain and I turned around, this time stopping. "Y/n, I- I didn't- I didn't realize that... that it wasn't you. I had too much to drink and when she..." Matt started to speak, trying to explain what happened, but I couldn't take anymore pain, so much betrayal, so much everything. "No, Matt!" I tried to interrupt him, but I couldn't. He had come very close and grabbed my arms tightly, afraid I would leave. "I thought you had already come back and..." "Matt! Stop!" I yelled, now desperate because I couldn't escape. Matt stood still, slowly raising his gaze that was fixed on the floor to meet mine. My tears were now falling uncontrollably, despite my enormous effort to stop them. "Matt, let go of me," I said, now in a softer, lower tone. But he didn't let go. "I don't want you to leave Y/n. Please," Matt started begging me not to leave, which hurt me even more, but I had to stay strong and respect myself. "No, Matt. Now let me go," I said again in the same tone. "No, no, no, please don't go, I need you," Matt said as he began to kneel in front of me. He was crying uncontrollably, begging me please not to leave, grabbing my legs. "Matt let go of me!" I shouted and my voice cracked.

Hearing my voice crack, Matt let go of me. I quickly ran away from there, not wanting to hear anything else from anyone. I didn't know where I was going or how long I was going to walk, all I knew was that at that moment I needed my dad. He had always been there for me in the best and worst of times, always trying to make me feel better. Even though sometimes I didn't quite understand what he was saying, he always found a way to see the good in the situation, or a way to make me feel good, no matter how bad the situation was. For example, when my cat Sherlock died, he made sure to be there for me the whole month, giving me gifts, affection, making me laugh, despite the fact that I wanted to cry, among many other things that I had never realized I needed until he was gone.

And that left a huge void in me, a pain in my chest, a sadness and a need for him to come back, not at 2 in the morning at my lowest point of mental breakdown, but when I was laughing with my cousins while playing at the last family dinner all together.

I didn't need the music. When I said it kept me alive, it was a lie, what kept me alive was the memory of my dad. The countless nights I spent sleeping in his arms while listening to his favorite records, the road trips singing at the top of our lungs while mom laughed at how much we were alike, that's what kept me alive.

After an hour of walking in the middle of a neighborhood I didn't know, I decided to order an Uber home. The ride was quick, I got home and opened the door, still in costume. "Hi honey! How-" My mom started talking until she looked into my eyes. "What happened to you? Are you okay?" She started asking me a million questions, but I wasn't really listening. I couldn't feel anything but pain. Why does something bad always have to happen when I'm having a good time? It broke my heart to see myself so vulnerable in front of my mom, not knowing what else to do but wanting to run away from everything, like we had done when Dad died. My mom understood that I wasn't going to talk now so she hugged me. She knew I needed my father there, and maybe that wasn't something he would have done, but now he wasn't there and she had to find a way to make me feel a little better. I was crying uncontrollably, and my mom's hug made me cry more, but it helped me, because I felt more comfortable expressing my feelings, I felt accompanied, I felt at home. After a while hugging, my mom helped me go to bed and lay down next to me. Maybe I'll never say it, but I was very grateful to her.

That night, I could sleep very little, so my mom let me sleep a couple more hours and then try to talk about what happened yesterday. When I woke up, I stretched and grabbed my phone. There were thousands of messages and missed calls from Matt, but I couldn't even start looking at them when my eyes started to fill with tears again. I decided that maybe I wouldn't want to see my phone for a few days, so I just turned it off and got out of bed. My mom was making breakfast, like every day. "Good morning, my love. How are you feeling?" she asked. How do I feel? It was my time to speak, to explain everything that had happened, to talk about everything that has been happening to me lately since Dad died, to talk about my desire to leave, to talk. But who cares? If I have a problem, the problem is mine and I have to solve it myself, if I talk to someone I'm sure I'll bother them, I can't talk. If I talk, I cry. Why can't I explain what I feel like everyone else?

I simply swallowed my urge to cry and nodded. I sat down for breakfast and just sat there, staring at the plate of food in front of me. "Y/n, please," Mom said without explanation. I started eating. When I finished, I went upstairs to go back to sleep. I had nothing else to do. When I got up, I would just stare at the ceiling, not knowing what to do. Read? I couldn't form a complete sentence in my mind. Listen to music? I can't even hear my own thoughts. Talk to someone? I cry.

The moments from last night replayed over and over in my mind. The turn the night took, before we went out we were all doing great, happy, and at the end we didn't even leave the party together. I wonder what Matt is thinking, what he's doing. Is he thinking about me? Why would he think about me now if he didn't think about me before kissing Emily? God. I need to sleep and never wake up again.

The emptiness inside me grew bigger and bigger. I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone again. I feel broken and alone, as if the world around me is falling apart and there's nothing I can do but watch it crumble. I don't understand why he would want to make me believe he was in love with me and that he loved me only to break my heart. A big part of me wanted to talk to him and tell him what a jerk he is, the other part wanted to believe that it was an accident and that there's still hope.

The following days were the same, I only left my room to eat or go to the bathroom, I missed a whole week of school, I left my phone off, in short, I disappeared for everyone except my mom. She understood that I didn't want to go to school now because I didn't want to see Matt's face, but she refused when I asked if we could move because if I did anything here it reminded me of him, and that hurt me a lot. "No, honey, we're not moving again." I was crying again, begging her to leave. "Mom, please!" I said in my broken voice, full of pain. My mom's heart broke seeing me like that, but she couldn't take a step back again. "Honey, listen, when your father... passed away, I couldn't go back home because I was afraid of having to start over without him. He was the engine of my life." Her eyes began to fill with tears, she paused to catch her breath and spoke again, "That's why we moved, because I couldn't go back home and see all his things. But now that some time has passed, I could think about it better and I think maybe it wasn't the best thing on my part, because with that I taught you that if something bothers you you have to run away from it, and no, you have to talk. I barely knew Matt, but he seems like a good guy, and it shows that he really loves you and would never do anything to make you feel bad." She finished and I saw a tear fall and roll down her face. "Mom..." I said in a weak voice. "Honey, talk to him." "I... I can't," and with that I ran to my room and locked myself in again.

When the weekend arrived, I found myself out of my room, in the living room, listening to music again after so many days. As the first song was about to start, I heard the doorbell ring. Who was it? I wondered. Honestly, I didn't want to see anyone, especially at that moment, because I had red and swollen eyes, my hair in a messy bun, a big t-shirt and shorts.

But I didn't think about it much either, so I quickly got up from the couch and walked to the door. The doorbell rang again, it seemed like the person behind the door was desperate. "I'm coming!" I said, a little annoyed by the impatience. I opened the door and there was Nick, who looked very worried, and as if he had been crying, but little compared to what I had cried. "Y/n, I need help," Nick said. I knew this was serious, because he went straight to the point, without greeting or anything. Before I could ask, Nick explained what was happening: "Matt... he's not eating, he's not talking, he won't leave the room, Y/n please, we've tried everything, but-" I interrupted him, "Wait, wait, what happened to him?" I couldn't believe it, Matt was bad, very bad. Could it be because of...? "When you ran out that night, we went after Matt and found him crying on the floor. We took him home, we tried to talk to him, but he doesn't answer, he just locked himself in the room and won't come out. I'm afraid he's going to do something bad. I'm scared, Y/n."

I knew what happened between us had affected him, but hearing it from Nick? This is terrible. Nick is never afraid of anything. I knew I had to do something to help his brother, as much as it hurt me, Nick and his brothers were still my friends and seeing him so devastated broke my heart.

I tried to calm him down a bit, we spent some time together, but my mind was fixed on Matt, I had to help him. So when Nick left, I turned on my phone, after a few days off. And there were millions of messages from Matt, of all kinds, but they all ended with an 'I love you, I'm sorry'. I can't deny that my heart didn't break as I read the messages.

I couldn't wait any longer, there was no more time, I changed into a more comfortable outfit, greeted my mom and left the house, to head towards the triplets' house.

a/n: I cried writing this chapter. What happens when she goes to their house? I can't wait

love yall:))

[julieverne]

Maura doesn't like sleeping next to anybody.

She was raised alone. The nurses never held her when she woke at night, and Constance was rarely home. Even if she had been, she was hardly the comforting sort. Stiff upper lip and all that. Maura learned to soothe herself, to read until the nightmares faded. Always scared and not sure why until she got older and realised her parents hadn't really wanted her; her in particular. Any child would have done. They'd just needed an heir to inherit.

It doesn't hurt the way it should; Maura has insulated herself against social harm. She slides inside her own mind and ignores outer stimuli. She doesn't make friends, because she never feels like she has anything to offer them.

She does sleep with men; it's quick and easy. Sometimes it's almost affectionate. But she doesn't stay. She slips out in the night to return to her own bed, disturbed by the heavy breathing and restless body next to hers. She doesn't get attached. She rarely goes back for seconds, unless they're exceptionally good at what they do to her. She's a poor little orphan with nothing to offer except her vast fortune, intelligence and smoking hot body.

Oh, she knows she's hot. It's part of why she's so reticient. People used to try to befriend her for her money or to use her in other ways.

Maura has enough self-respect not to let herself be used.

When Jane asks to stay, Maura doesn't hesitate.

They're tentative friends by now; Jane will bring a hot coffee down to the morgue with her if they've swung by a coffee shop on their way back to the precinct. She offers what meagre foodstocks she keeps in her desk; tuna and ramen, for the shelf-life. She's held an umbrella over Maura's head while she crouched over a victim. She's gruff and grumpy, but she's never disingenuous. Not with Maura. Maura knows Jane has other places to go; she has people in her life. She has strong family bonds, at least. She doesn't think Jane has friends either; not since Hoyt. No one ever really knows what to say after something like that happens to you. But Jane has a mother and father. Maura has met them both; they come in to scold her and bring her food when she works overnight. She has two brothers. Maura's met one and he's lovely but Jane is a finished product and he's awkward. Maura used to like awkward because she was awkward too. Jane is awkward in her own way.

She turns to Maura, probably because she doesn't think anyone will think to look for her there. Maura agrees readily. She bought this house and it echoes with loneliness. Jane's casual cheer could lighten it up.

And it does. Even though Jane is being taunted by a serial killer, she jokes and looks relaxed. It isn't until Bass knocks something that she springs upright, pulled taut by fear.

Maura reaches for her and Jane accepts Maura's fingers on her bare skin, lets Maura lower her back to the bed. Jane had joked about sleepovers and tits and best friends and Maura's never had any of those - well, she has tits. They're spectacular, so she's told. But now she's curious about Jane's, wondering why she suggested they get topless together.

Jane doesn't settle easily. She fidgets and talks late into the night. She falls asleep mid-sentence, still fighting it.

Maura watches her. She looks suprisingly sweet and vulnerable as she sleeps, and Maura is proud that Jane wanted Maura to protect and guard her. Her hand is still on Jane's arm, and when she tries to remove it so she can sleep in her own bed, Jane rolls over and traps Maura's arm beneath her, settling with her breath brushing Maura's hair and ear. She moves again, sliding herself onto Maura, so their bodies are aligned.

Maura moves her arm so it rests on Jane's back and she feels Jane relax and nuzzle closer into her. She hears Jane's contended sigh.

Maura doesn't like sleeping next to anyone. But with Jane nestled against her, she can't quite remember why.

[aychama]

G: YOU MOTHER FUCKER

The goat punched the other again. They were already bloody and bruised from fighting. Lambert backed, coughing up the blood.

G: What the FUCK were you thinking!? They gave you a purpose, a new start at life, you ungrateful piece of SHIT!

L: I know! And I also know that it would all end when they no longer needed us or found someone stupider to their work!

G: Bullshit. They promised-

L: PROMISED? Pfft ha-! Hahahaha!

Lambert laughed. They were laughing at the stupidity of the situation. Other one gritted their teeth, clenching their blood stained fists.

L: And you believed that? What did they promise you huh?

G: None of your business! Shamura proposed stuff they never did to other people! Once I get your head to him for what you did to them, to me, I'll have everything I want!

Goat tried to punch him again. This time, his wrist was caught by Lambert painfully, twisted and forced to get on the ground.

G: Gah-!

L: What did they promise you? Your safety? No longer having to worry about being hunted down? Or is the promise of giving you the crown once their times up? Come on... We're better than this!

The lamb said harshly. They knew every one of those lies. They weren't dumb.

L: You think someone as knowledgeable as Shamura doesn't know how to manipulate people like you? People like us? They are good at taking from the vulnerable, giving empty hopes with eye catching promises.

G: Fuck you.

Lambert let go of his wrist and took a few steps back. Goat looked at them curious and judgmentally

G: I don't believe you. You yourself are a manipulator. How the hell did you convince the red crown to lend you power?

L: I didn't... He gave it to me himself. But I'm not trying to convince you anyway. You don't have to believe me, follow me, help me... But to think I'd let you come in here and kill me is just ridiculous.

G: So what now? Do you expect me to just stop coming after you after what you did? People know me as someone that never let their prey ran off, can't risk that reputation.

L: No, I'm expecting anything from you. (It's a waste of time anyway) All I need is for you to think about this, make a choice and understand. Shamura is not someone you can trust.

G: I don't need to understand. Nor do I care if you can or not trust Shamura. In this world, people like you and me either do as told or become dinner. And, you're the main dinner they crave. Don't be stupid, Lambert.

L: (That's quite poetic actually) If Shamura wants to kill me, they can come and try for themselves, no need to get YOU involved. Tho, you said it yourself that you're doing this to be not on their bad side. If you're tired of being a vessel for their needs, this isn't the way to freedom... You will, NEVER get that by simply doing what they want.

G: Freedom? Ha! It's rich coming from you. Like you did any better! You betrayed Shamura for what? To be that damned cat's lap dog, to sit when says and stand when he wants. (Or maybe things I don't want to mentally imagine) You, put all your self respect, dignity and name aside to get toyed around by someone like him. Is this what you call "freedom"?

Goat walked towards them, making Lambert take a few steps back.

G: That's not freedom. Or maybe you want that. Maybe you make him think that he's in control to betray him later on. He was being nice after all. You love hurting the ones that help you the most, right?

L: Now you're just saying random words What? Is this some kind of way to make me feel bad? If there's a lap dog here, it's you. You don't get to act like you didn't do what ANYONE asked of you just to feel like you accomplished something worth mentioning! You can continue to obey Shamura and beg them to keep you afterwards but be aware that they'll put you back where they found you! I'm gonna do what I need to do to live my way, either with you or without you! So don't- ACK!

The goat launched at them, their hands around the other's throat. Goat didn't like those words, at all. The lamb choked, scratching the hands on their throat. Goat was angry, shaking as they watched the other struggle.

G: You think you can just backstab everyone who trusts you and don't face the consequences of it!? Like how you thought I'd forgive you, after you left me in that prison!? They caught you and I did everything to help you! And I waited, waited and waited for MONTHS! IS THAT YOUR FREEDOM!? You... Selfish... Ignorant... BASTARD!

Their heartbeat filled their ears, anger consuming the goat. The blood dripping from their nose hit Lambert's wool, joining the other's own stains.

G: You left me to die. And you dare to criticize what I do to survive!? If it wasn't for me, you'd be devoured whole in a feast! We did everything together! We helped each other out! But you!? It's only you! I trusted you!

Lambert stopped his struggle, instead looking up to their... friend. Maybe one of the worst things they've done. The only thing they regretted so far.

G: What did I ever do to you!?

The goat punched them again and again. But when they got no response, they let go

G: Answer me. Don't you have a snarky come back to that? Can't even deny that you are the worst fucking friend?

L: ...

They sat up, their lip busted and nose broken. The tension and the eye contact was too uncomfortable.

L: You're right. I did that. I am, a bad friend.

G: ...

L: You're not just here because of Shamura are you? You don't care about what they want or what they told you at all.

G: Yeah. I'm here because you're a piece of shit, a backstabbing manipulator and you owe me. Did you even tried to-

L: I did... I tried to help you out.

Upcoming tears already burned his eyes. Lambert took a deep breath.

L: Maybe I didn't try hard enough. I-I know it's no excuse but, but I tried... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I know, I know it means so little to you and I know you don't want to hear me say it. With all this shit going on... When Shamura started to go out their way and what happened between me and the king... The things I felt and couldn't even understand at the Festival... What I had to do to prove myself, my worth and all the thoughts about not being good enough... for anyone. These aren't excuses. They shouldn't be... I was supposed to be there for you. But please believe me when I say this, I never wanted to hurt you. And if I loose you now, or already did, I would never forgive myself for making you feel like I didn't care...

Lambert was crying when he finished talking. They couldn't face the goat anymore. Years of friendship and they ruined it. The goat took a step forward. And another. Lambert assumed they'd left but...

G: (You crybaby)

The goat hugged them. So they hugged back. It was quiet for a moment... The the goat backed away.

G: If I knew you were this much of a loser... But hey. Neither of us are made in heaven. We're both shitty. And I rather be shitty with you.

L: You...

G: I'm still angry and fuck you, you know.

They smiled at Lambert, then sighed.

G: But who else do we have other than each other? So stop crying! (It makes you look uglier than you already are.) I'll forgive you for a while, aight? Cuz I know you'd miss me

L: Fuck you... Heh...

G: Same to you. So-!

The goat pulled the lamb to their feet

G: When are we killing this giant spider?

Awwww this is adorable!

Thank you for writing this it actually shows me how much I have or haven't shared about my story so far and gosh its a lot djkfllf

And gosh Lambert just taking the punches from Goat, ouch

I love the back and forth the two have here and Goat being promised stuff from Shamura is a nice touch!

Goat calling Lambert a crybaby is so cute xD and I adore the hug ❤️

[llamaisllama777]

I Wanna talk about today's LAES episode!

Okay, I loved this episode and am pleasantly surprised by how mature most of them handled this, especially Lunar and Moon. Lunar knows he messed up, and he really has no excuse for what he did. He made a dumb mistake with MAJOR repercussions. He takes his punishment like a man and accepts it won't be easy to earn everyone's forgiveness, and it's up to Earth if she wants to forgive Lunar or not and that's fair.

Monty and Moon are rightly mad at Lunar, and while I think Monty shouldn't threaten to punch Lunar, it's entirely fair. That's just who Monty is. He's an angry guy and doesn't like it when people hurt people he cares about, so while he shouldn't have threatened Lunar, it is to be expected. Monty loves Earth. She's one of the best things that ever happened to him, and he adores her and hates seeing her get hurt and betrayed... again. While yes, it was an accident, it was a very poorly and badly timed accident.

We don't know if Earth is gonna be okay.

-Best case scenarios

They get all the negative star power out of her and she's back to her old self again

Or she's fine, but she just feels numb like Monty's arm did for like five months.

-WORST case scenario

She dies.

Monty has all the right in the world to be mad. Everyone here does. Lunar could have killed Earth! Or hurt Moon, or Jack, or Dazzle. They have all right to be mad!

I'm glad all of them still care for Lunar and still see him as a brother and don't want anything bad to happen to him. I'm proud of Moon despite the fact that he was very hurt by Lunar's words he still loves him. If this had been how OLD old Moon he would have torn Lunar to shreds verbally... and then maybe physically.

I'm proud he's grown from his angry past.

Sun and Solar seem the most sad to kick Lunar out, but they understand his actions NEED to have consequences.

I've seen some people say that it's not fair for them to kick out Lunar and say he's dangerous...

Guys... HE IS. Lunar is basically a walking BOMB!

Yes, Monty has access to dangerous weapons, and so does Solar and Moon... but they keep those away from Earth in places she won't find them or get hurt by them.

Sun has magic.... he can control it.

(when he's not having a nightmare)

While everyone in that room is dangerous, they're all careful. Lunar wasn't.

So, now he has to face the consequences. It's sad to see Lunar be separated from his family and still have no idea who he is or what he's supposed to be... but who knows, maybe this is what Lunar needs. Plus, if Lunar doesn't want to stay in THIS universe, I can think of one universe that could be a big help to him...

*Cough! Eclipse and Puppet's! Cough!*

This could be the first step in the right direction.

I get why people are upset at the Celestial family and Monty for kicking out Lunar... BUT I can't argue that they didn't do anything wrong. I think the Celestial did the right thing.

Actions have consequences both GOOD and BAD.

Also... does anyone else think Lunar's apartment reminds them of Peter Parker's from the Tobey Maguire Spider-man movies and Spider-man No way home. It just gives me that vibe.

Also... I feel SO BAD for Earth!

The girl has been betrayed by

-Her father

-Her brother (Nexus)

-Monty for not telling Earth about his crimes (They worked that out)

-And now Lunar!

Girl probably gonna have trust issues after this.

[pinkandpurple360]

I wouldn't blame anyone for finding Look My Way too Stolas-sympathetic and weepy but honestly I think on the whole it's way better than most of the songs he gets in the show

and that's because it actually has a narrative arc to it. Stolas reflects on his life, realizes he is the problem between him and Blitzo, actually shows some empathy for the armor Blitzo has developed as a result of being impoverished, then decides on an action: making amends for making Blitzo a means to an end. and it retains his original classist character by having the impish plaything line that the show whitewashed over

it still has the same problem anything Stolas related does in that it's hard to care about his repeated pleas for Blitzo to look his way, but it's a far more concise view of him as a character and crucially he actually shows some ability to self reflect in it and then take action based on his conclusions

ParanoidDJ released the original after ep6 but honestly it would fit perfectly in the show after ep7, where Stolas comes back in from the party. instead of getting drunk, maybe he stops and makes himself think about where things went wrong

instead the songs he has in the show are

Stolas Sings - immediately implies Blitzo lied to him, so no self reflection or introspection. It's set up he'll go to get a crystal but that isn't referenced in the lyrics, it's just a split second freeze frame when he chucks his book into view of the camera which is bad storytelling. It's all self focused self pity - he's the victim and that's that. no sign of care for what he's done to Blitzo or Via unlike Look My Way.

All 2 U - a breakup reflection where he does no self reflection or introspection. blames Blitzo for stuff he did (let him get too close/go on too long/fell too far). all self focused self pity - he's the victim and that's that

duet number - does say he maybe did something wrong, but it only counts if Blitzo didn't actually want him (then when Blitzo confirms that, he proceeds to...show no self reflection or introspection - just he's the victim and that's that, you get the idea)

the show numbers not only fail to move the plot forward, they don't move Stolas' character forward at all. Look My Way really sticks out as one of his numbers because it's basically the only one where he does explicitly say 'I'm in the wrong and need to fix things' where in the show it's always 'maybe I did something wrong, maybe, but you hurt me so you're more wrong and I'm putting off doing any self reflection on what my issues are until Tuesday - when I'll put it off again'.

he's far more proactive in LMW too - he doesn't sound like he'll just give up on making amends at the first failure. meanwhile Show Stolas has done only two proactive things when it comes to Blitzo onscreen: making the deal and breaking the deal. both things were done for his own benefit and he's now back to being passive and expecting Blitzo to be the one to come crawling back to court him even though Blitzo has every reason to think he moved on with the succubus dude to spite him in particular

This moment here

It wasn’t him feeling some guilt/remorse for how obnoxious and forceful he behaved, or sympathy for Blitzs unhappiness. He is thinking “Aww….he doesn’t love me, that makes me so sad. Poor me. I deserve love. I just want a lover.”

Well anon, the simple explanation LMW stolas is so different…..is, Vivienne/Sam Haft didn’t write that. They both do think stolas is the more innocent and more victimised party. That’s why before Full Moons confrontation, stolas has sung not one, not two but three sad ballads about his soft boy romantic feelings. And it’s why stolas’ personality was changed drastically between his nasty truth seekers self to his Ozzies bleeding heart self. To make you forget his 1-6 self ever happened and pity him.

While blitz was only allowed to smirk and make sex jokes in a verse of stolas’ third sad song. With the intent of making him look like the “real” pervert with a cold black heart. His verse in when I see him was intended by Sam to set up “that your first instinct is that it’s always (gasp) about sex (closes eyes solemnly)” line. Stolas is allowed to have an inner monologue, desires, worries, regrets and hopes. Blitz is only allowed say “fuck” “penis” and “im traumatised”** with an asterisk saying that makes him an asshole and not “baby” stolas’ fault. Spoken to you in apology tour dialogue delivered by the lovely: Vivienne Mayday aka Verosika Medrano.

Viv didn’t write look my way, and disagrees with the narrative.

She hates Octavia for not being more grateful to her father and thinks stolas deserves to be free from being her parent. So took his line about her out of the song. Twitter emboldened her to go through with this belief. So she took her line out of LMW.

She hates blitz for disliking upper classes, implies he’s “just like a supremacist” against princes for it. I think this also came from Twitter. You are NOT allowed to point out the racism of stolas or you’ll be branded a striker sympathiser.

She agrees with stolas fans that the real reason blitz doesn’t trust stolas’ gifts with no catch is nothing to do with stolas’ previous exploitative transactional actions….it is….because of his own mean imp father? Because Cash taught him love is transaction. A very convenient excuse Viv absorbed again, from Twitter and YouTube.

Cuz….it was cash. Not the sexual extorter who held his job over his head. That’s his soulmate cause owls only mate once via eye contact and die of broken hearts if they can’t have their mate forever. His 25 year long lust for someone he only knew as a child isn’t weird at all wdym. In fact all the bad stuff is Blitzs fault.

She absorbed all of this nonsense from Twitter takes, specifically the stolas stans, because she thinks putting fandom talking points into canon is a safe bet. The actual story is out the window, there isn’t one.

See how letting the stolas fandom twitter write your story for you makes for a biased fucked up victim blaming story that coddles a sexual abuser with “involuntarily celibate” arguments?

When she makes stolas reflect and take accountability, the reaction she wants you to have is “Poor baby stolas blames himself which shows what a good little boy he is! Even though nothing is ever his fault!” She just wanted to make money off of someone else’s work.