#but he doesn't have the lived experiences to understand death and loss yet

[scutchythedm]

Lila is literally SO well done oml

Literally the feeling that you know something bad is going on but don't have the vocabulary or understanding of the world to explain it and no one is taking the time to explain things to you because you're "too young to understand" just UGHHDHGHFHDHF

this one hit home

[anistarrose]

I want to talk about the way aromantic experiences can be represented in very meaningful and validating ways without characters being written as intentionally aro, and also I want to talk about aro-spec Magnus Burnsides headcanons. Luckily, I can do both those things in one post!

During the events of the podcast, Magnus is disinterested in and often straight-up uncomfortable with romance, because of the fate that befell his last relationship, with Julia. I've seen a reading (that I don't think is objectively wrong, though I do not personally share it) that interprets this trait of his as some kind of "sacrifice" he's making on Julia's behalf, being a choice to stay out of other relationships to carry on her memory better. It's a reading that seems pretty reasonable at first glance, but not especially aromantic.

(Because if anything, it almost seems at risk of turning into something like "there is no sacrifice more tragic than not having a romantic partner," right? Or worse, "this is a trauma response that needs to be healed for Magnus to have a happy ending, because being able to enjoy romance is vital to his happiness and self-fulfillment." Both of which are... varying levels of uncomfortable, to me as an aro person. Like, I'm not in the business of telling people how to interpret fictional characters, but I personally can't engage with these without a bad feeling in my stomach.)

However! Back to the various potential readings of Magnus's character! It's worth noting that so much of Magnus's arc revolves around unpacking his trauma, from the destruction of Raven's Roost and Julia's death — and that healing process doesn't change how he feels about romance! The Eleventh Hour is the turning point when he starts to seriously re-evaluate what the trauma and loss made him want, versus what Julia would want for him, and what would let him live in the moment instead of in the past... yet in the Heart Attack segment of Wonderland? Magnus still expresses disinterest in dating.

In Arms Outstretched, then Story and Song, he further internalizes and chooses to let himself be saved and ask for help, instead of punishing himself with martyrdom — and no romantic relationships come up in the epilogue! When he passes away after a long, happy life, it's Carey, — his best friend! — who holds his hand while they wait for the end!

Magnus's reasons for not wanting another relationship are obviously complex — not just a conclusion about himself that he came to lightly, regardless of whether he's on the aromantic spectrum, not on it at all, or deliberately not choosing a label. What makes his arc so unique and special to me, in contrast with almost every other story about traumatized characters finding a happy ending, is that his happy ending isn't contingent on romance! Whenever he says that he's that not into dating, no one doubts him or tries to undermine him (other than Lydia, who's literally trying to feed on his suffering) — and to me, an aro listener...

Well, the way the narrative takes Magnus's wants and lack thereof seriously is just so refreshing.

Ninety percent of characters in fiction who repeatedly stress that they don't want romance or marriage are only shown doing so to set up for the narrative later proving them wrong. It's to contrast with that later point in the story where they "find the right person," or "understand when they're older." Or "stop being so cold," or "stop acting like they're too fucked-up and 'damaged'." Or "overcome their trauma."

It has an air of "wow, isn't this character so ridiculous, for thinking they won't change their mind later?" Or occasionally, "isn't it so tragic, that they can't envision themselves being loved?"

For protagonist-y characters, for heroic characters like Magnus — for any type of character in which "happily ever after" is considered a plausible, fair-game, genre-acceptable outcome — we see the genre conventions also dictate that "settling down in a romance" and the "happy ending" are intertwined. I've seen TAZ posts from back in the era of The Suffering Game/The Stolen Century airing, expressing sentiments like "Magnus not finding someone to love again would be so tragic and mean-spirited, I hate grim and edgy endings like that." While I can appreciate people trying to subvert tropes like "you can only have one 'true love' in all your life," the incredibly non-subversive and ultra-amatonormative belief that "romance is a prerequisite for a happy ending, or even healing arc" is such a deeply unfortunate one to tag on.

I am aromantic. I don't want a romantic relationship. And I find joy in that! I refuse to accept that I need to be "fixed" or "healed" to live a long, happy life, because I'm not broken! What brings me the most joy beyond just living as an aro is seeing stories actually acknowledge that people can find this happiness without romance — like how Magnus's story does! Like how casually and matter-of-factly it subverts expectations — how Magnus says he doesn't want another relationship, and no one comes along to prove him wrong! He doesn't "find the right person" because at this particular phase of his life, and of how he wants to live, there isn't one in a romantic context!

He heals from his trauma enough to find all kinds of joy — doing things he loves, surrounded by people he loves — and not because of, or in service of pursuing, a romantic relationship!

I almost never see fantasy stories where one of the heroes gets to have an arc like that. An arc where they get to live out an ending that I would want. A happy ending that would be happy for me! For people like me!

Magnus Burnsides gives me so much Aromantic Hope. That this is a kind of happy ending that I am not the only one to idealize, and that I could attain, no matter what horrors are being thrown at me in the present. Magnus dies peacefully, after years of assuming that he wouldn't, and he does so surrounded by his dearest friends and family. Who are all so proud of the life that he lived. Magnus was true to himself, to what he felt would bring him healing and fulfillment — instead of what cliché and expectation dictated to him — and he was completely at peace in the end. Ready to rush in one final time.

I immensely doubt that Travis intended for Magnus's story to be an aromantic story in those words, if at all. But Magnus's story resonates so, so much with so many common aromantic experiences. And that means so much to me. I'm so grateful for that. In this day and age, in this world, I needed that.

I needed to have a good long cry about Magnus Burnsides. Aromantic icon, intentional or not.

...

...Of course, because this is tumblr, I want to make a clarification. This isn't some kind of claim like "shipping Magnus with people other than Julia is problematic." It is, however, a thesis statement that "no such ship becoming canon makes Magnus's arc so much more unique." It's an explanation giving full context to how I'm biased, not objective, but willing to argue that it makes his arc so much more meaningful, too.

And most of all, it's a desire to shine a light on a side of Magnus's character and growth that I think goes underdiscussed. Especially underdiscussed through an aro-spec lens. And speaking of which:

Sure, I said I don't think Magnus was intended as an aro-spec character, or that he can only be interpreted as such — but if you made it this far, you know I think this ruff boi's just chock full of aro-spec subtext! So just for fun — and because the world is always deserving of more aro-spec headcanons — let's end this post playing with some different readings of him as aro-spec!

Gray-Aro or Demiromantic Magnus who rarely falls for people to begin with. Why would it be some tragic heroic sacrifice to remain "chaste" and wait for Julia, when not being into romance is just Magnus's default state of being? He's so confused about why people think he's making some tragic sacrifice! So confused, guys! I even wrote a fic about the gray-aro HC a few months ago (link)!

Gray-Aro or Demi Magnus who thought he was just aromantic, no attraction whatsoever, for over a century — until he met Julia, and fell for her (perhaps very, very slowly). But that doesn't change those years gaining perspective as a platonically, familialy loving aro who values those bonds immensely, and always wanted them to remain a prominent part of his life.

Losing Julia devastates him, of course it does — but especially once he remembers the Stolen Century, he knows he has a long-term support system no matter what, and it won't revolve around chasing that unlikely possibility of feeling romantic love again. Why would it? Why would he need to chase something so fickle just to heal?

Aromantic Magnus who feels no romantic attraction, but in the era of Raven's Roost, doesn't not want a romantic relationship. Except, he doesn't after all. Except wait, he kinda does, it's just complicated. Maybe something queerplatonic? Well, he really likes the idea of a wedding, and that's not necessarily mutually exclusive with a QPR, but there's no guarantee his partner would feel that way too, and...

There's just these expectations that go with dating or marriage, of partners expecting him to love them in such a specific way that he knows he can't... and then he meets Julia, who's a romance-seeking aromantic too, with heavily overlapping feelings. Bonding over their similarities leads to dating, and eventually marrying, over a deep platonic love that may or may not still involve cuddles or kisses, or a desire to start a family. They don't panic too much over the labels — they're just so delighted to be with someone on the same wavelength!

When Julia dies, so much goes through Magnus's head. After a while, he can't help but start thinking again about how rare it is for people to want the same things out of a relationship that he does. Or to consider the way he feels for them to be enough. But as time passes, Magnus comes to terms with it more and more. He's happy to wait for Julia again. After all, he's longing, but not lonely. Mourning, but not incomplete.

Aromantic Magnus who is aromantic specifically because of his trauma, but no less aromantic for it. He just can't bear the thought of getting into a relationship again. Ironically, there's a point in time where he thought of himself as a romantic — back while he and Julia were courting each other — that now feels simultaneously so close and so distant. Magnus who has so much to grieve, and grieves this romantic side of him too — at first. Who thinks that there's only two options, for a folk hero in a story like his — settling down to live happily ever after, or dying in battle. And if there's nothing more upsetting, more uncomfortable, than getting married again — then living happily ever after has got to be off the table, right?

Magnus who slowly realizes that doesn't have to be the case. That no, barring seeing Julia again, he certainly doesn't have reason to believe that even time will change this new, alienating part of him — but maybe, it's not so alien after all. Maybe he knows people who won't even question it. Maybe he doesn't have to change it or overcome it to be happy again.

Why is romance some singular thing he has to chase, in order to settle down peacefully again? Why can't he do it with his friends? With his dogs?

And last, Questioning Magnus who might be aro, who might not be aro, and is maybe most likely to be something in between. But it's hard to tell; he's honestly not sure if he'll ever crack it, and.. ultimately, he's okay with that. Because all that matters to him is knowing he doesn't need a relationship to be complete, to take full advantage of his well-earned happy ending — and he's got a great grasp on that one, surrounded by people who never make him doubt it.

Aromantic Magnus Burnsides. Aro-Spec Magnus Burnsides. My aromantically beloved. Thanks, bud, for all the hope when I needed it.

[lorkai]

づ A/N: This idea has been living rent free in my head for a few months now and I finally had time to sit and write down. Might write a part 2 but idk yet. Also reblogs are appreciated!

Characters: Thirteen, Solomon, Simeon & Barbatos

There are stupid things that are expected to be common sense. For example, everyone knows that eating Solomon's food is an extremely dumb idea. Alas you are dumb and decided to eat the pasta he had made after one lesson you had; resulting in you gaining immortality.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Thirteen is the first being to notice the change. Your candle is forever frozen just like Solomon's, motionless, the flames static and the reaper is left in a mix of feelings when she understands what happened; what that terrible wizard have done to you, poor you and your beautiful soul and mortality. She questions you about it as soon as she sees you, no matter who is around, questioning you about your immortality, about what happened and if you are happy with your decision.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ For her, this was what you wanted so when she finds out that you didn't even know about it Thirteen doesn't know how to react. You recount the day's events to her, how you trained magic with Solomon and then had dinner with him. It's so comical, so unbelievable, several humans searched for a way to obtain immortality and you just had to eat the food that Solomon prepared for you. She is crying with laughter and rolling on the floor at this point, however, the reaper will be more than happy to help you find a way to undo your immortality if you so desire.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Solomon was by your side when Thirteen appeared suddenly and he is so surprised by this information. I mean, he doesn't understand how a simple pasta can make you immortal since he himself only became immortal through one of his failed experiments, but he also didn't know his cooking could do this??? He is not at all sad about the news as now he know his beloved apprentice will live forever, however, yes, immortality has its downsides; the death of friends and family, the pain of remembering how you forgot their faces, voices and cherished memories and there is nothing you can do to get them back.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ But he is here to support you in every difficult and painful moment as well as in the most joyful and happy moments. He's here forever to be by your side, to give you a helping hand and a shoulder to lean on. Though saddened he would help find a way to reverse your mortality if you truly wished for it.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Simeon's mouth had never been so open. You, immortal? How, when, why? He listens to you recount the day's events, but he still can't comprehend how Solomon's dish could do something like this. Simeon knows that the thing Solomon calls food is capable of doing, but being able to grant immortality to someone? By heaven, he doesn't even know what to say, he doesn't even know what to do. Do you need to be comforted? Do you want a hug? Are you well? He's more nervous than you are, honestly. Simeon tries to calm you down and offers solutions to your problems.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ When everything was done and said, he felt a little happy. Angels don't know what the pain of loss is like and he wishes he didn't know what it's like, he wishes he didn't live to find out what life was like without you. You're like a ray of sunshine, so cheerful and chaotic and a welcome part of his life.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Barbatos found out about it from Simeon. The embodiment of "disappointed but not surprised", if you subjected yourself to eating the horrendous pestilence that was Solomon's food then you knew the risks you were taking and didn't care. The lord of time holds back from giving you a good lecture as soon as he sees you. Who in their right mind would eat that??? Why, MC, why??? He wants so much to understand what you were thinking at that moment and what you are thinking now, what you feel now, becoming immortal can be a bit shocking, even more so with all the pros and cons that come along with the experience of being immortal.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He is the one who helps you adjust to your new life as the years go by. The one who helps you get a house, new documents and teaches you how to deal with everything when things get too much. He already did it once to his master and now he's going to do it to you now. If you ask and Diavolo allows it, Barbatos will look into the future for a way to reverse your immortality. That's your wish and he respects it but then why does this possibility leaves an empty feeling in his chest?

[missadmyre]

Sorry for the slightly stupid question, but could you explain to me the concept of MoV in general terms (no art part, just text)? In order for me to have more specific questions, of course...

I see that this AU is significantly different from MIS, and I want to get rid of the feeling that I don't know/understand something when I see your work in the list of works for this tag. This feeling... confuses me.

If you have any deep psychoanalytic thoughts about MoV, feel free to share them. I love this <3

Oof, deep psychoanalytical thoughts huh...

I do have thoughts about how complicated both First and Chase's relationship would be, especially with their clashing ideals, just can't explain it with simple words.

Imma try to explain it though, but beware, it might cause more confusion since I'm not really a native English speaker.

By concept, you mean how MOV au works or started as a whole? Imma roll back to the start of this au and then we delve on what specific details this au has on both First and Chase (both the obvious ones and the ones I still haven't discussed about).

STARTING DETAILS (BACKSTORY) OF THIS AU - First and Chase first met during 1213, after First had trapped the Sorcerer.

- Chase purposefully planned this meeting for fact that he knew what First is capable of after getting the knews from one of his fallen warriors

- First is absolutely confused at the creepy guy that keeps disturbing him when doing work, he tries to shoo Chase off while Chase tried to offer mortal greed to him

- Chase then knew that normal methods of convincing wouldn't work so why not get the Ninja to join him through competitiveness, aka battles.

- which escalated to when Chase had messed with First's villagers, which pissed him off, causing a fight and a deal to not mess with the villagers but not including him.

- ofc, Chase would be intrigued since this is a guy that can go toe-to-toe with him, which is special bc Chase had lived for 200 years and had lots of experience yet somehow a mortal can equate him in a fight?

- as playful teasing and sparring with sexual tension began to earn meanings, they both started to be conscious about the feelings they harbored towards each other, they both find ways to justify that it is NOT what they think it is.

Now, here's the part where I just really don't know how to translate into text, so bare with me with my explanations.

- See, they both know they are in love with each other BUT they are afraid of changing themselves just to be able to love each other.

For First, he's afraid he has to change his morals, his beliefs, everything he stands for, just to believe in Chase, to think it's okay to love Chase for what he is, actually evil with no way of changing. It feels as though he is staining the family name, the Norisu Clan, as he has fallen in love with a man who is the polar opposite of what he stands for, he feels guilty about it.

For Chase, he's afraid because then he would have to change to be able to fit into First's ideals, to be good, just so the man couldn't leave him. He's scared of attachments because he doesn't know if he can let go of said attachment without it being seen as an obvious weakness, a vulnerability. He has been manipulated once when Roy Bean had offered him to drink the Lao Mang Lone soup because of his attachment to power.

Yes, power, even if lost, can be regained once more with time, but what about loved ones? Death and being forgotten is something Chase is afraid of imo, and those fears can and will happen on a mortal, so what happens when that comes to a certain mortal that he loved? The deep feeling of experiencing such loss is far more scary than any monster in the world.

When Chase and First had done the dragon bonding, that fear increased to a hundred, because there is no going back on this. So when First disappeared from the face of the earth, he was relieved, because yes, he can confirm that First is still alive, but now that his weakness cannot be found, he feels safely secured because no one can take advantage of him. Still doesn't stop him from almost tearing out mountains just to find his man.

Yeah, that's all I got, it's still incomplete as I don't know how to put it into text, but I'm sure I can, one way or another. I'm really sorry if this isn't enough info, I'll try to be more lore-heavy but I can't really blurt out info that I can't even explain in my own terms.

[empressofthewind]

Hi, I'm the one that sent that longer ask recently - thank you so much for responding. So it’s not that the situation at the end in your setting is all that different, but it’s a matter of perspective. That makes so much sense.  

After reading your thoughts I have a couple follow up questions if you’d entertain it (last ones I promise). First because you mentioned interrogating Mogi, why do you think Mello brought Near into it at all? I know he says "my turn to use you" but I get the sense it’s not so much sincere as a pretext and excuse as if to say "don't think this means I'm backing down". Because I think he’s competent enough that he could’ve interrogated Mogi by himself. No doubt he has the skills and confidence to do it on his own since he has the real lived experience needed to rise in the mafia where he'd have to flawlessly prove himself to a very tough crowd a hundred times over. If he kept Mogi to himself it would have in theory given him the big advantage instead of handing it over to his opponent. But the way he set it up put the power in Near's hands...there was always a chance that Near could’ve just said ‘lol thanks’ and hung up the phone leaving Mello high and dry. It seems odd somehow.

And finally, as I understand it your belief is in canon Mello’s priority never wavered from winning the competition but by the end he’d given up hope for that. But also he acted to save Near’s life and gain HIM the victory. I’m trying to wrap my head around this. If he thought there’s a good chance Near is putting his life in danger by having his name written down and possibly overlooking Kira's counter-move, why act at all? If he were right wouldn't it present an opportunity for Mello to claim victory? If Near dies in his confrontation with Kira due to his own mistake…well, that seems like he’s lost fair and square. Afterwards Mello could use Near’s death as the evidence to confront Kira on his own and finally come out the winner. On the other hand if Mello was wrong about there being sketchy business afoot and Near did cleanly confront Kira and win, the situation ends in just the same loss that Mello in theory already accepted so at that point he can go and off himself or whatever. I’m probably not explaining this well, but hopefully you get an idea of what I mean, that there seems to be a bit of disconnect there? ugh sorry it's that I'm trying to understand the end and struggling 😅

Hello again!! These are all very good questions - there's a lot to unpack here so I'm going to do something slightly different and break it up into smaller chunks:

~~~

Why Mello Involved Near in his Interrogation of Mogi

I know he says "my turn to use you" but I get the sense it’s not so much sincere as a pretext and excuse as if to say "don't think this means I'm backing down".

I have a lot to say about this point. I think it's perhaps important to make a distinction between what Mello's intentions actually are, and what he aims to achieve by saying this, because I think these two concepts are entirely divorced from each other. So we'll start with the first point.

The thing about Mello is that he uses people. He hates being used, but he wouldn't have gotten as far as he has without using, if that makes sense. He likes to be the one with all the power, the brains behind an operation where everyone else does the actual dirty work for him. At this stage in his investigation, however, he is working alone. He doesn't have the resources he gained from the mafia. He hasn't linked up with Matt yet. He doesn't have Sidoh on his side anymore. He is operating by himself, and as such, he is limited in what he can do. So, the only person he can use is Near. It wouldn't be the first time he's used Near - he acquired all Near's information via the spy to get ahead in the first place - so he's clearly not opposed to the idea by any means. It's worth noting that this is the closest they get to actually working together in the series, so I'm also convinced he has to believe he's using Near to avoid confronting his own cognitive dissonance about it.

Re: why he tells Near this; I definitely don't think this is meant to be some kind informative statement to make his intentions clear, regardless of whether he means them. I think you're in the right ballpark here. He feels as though he's been used by Near, so he wants to make Near feel the same, and in the process, to show him that he still antagonises Near despite appearing like an ally on the surface. So the interpretation of "don't think this means I'm backing down" is pretty accurate, I'd say. My other possible explanation would be that he believes saying will encourage Near to comply with him. Like, "you already used me, therefore you have to let me use you". We don't have much context to determine what their relationship looked like in the past, but Mello has a lot of hangups about keeping things fair (i.e. giving Near information in return for the photograph, because he doesn't like the idea of being in debt to him), so it's possible Near has demonstrated a similar mentality.

Because I think he’s competent enough that he could’ve interrogated Mogi by himself. No doubt he has the skills and confidence to do it on his own since he has the real lived experience needed to rise in the mafia where he'd have to flawlessly prove himself to a very tough crowd a hundred times over.

Theoretically yes, he could have done it himself, but his choice method of interrogation is kidnapping. I don't think he has the same raw persuasive power that Near does, which he seems to acknowledge in this scene ("I know you're good at that stuff"), so he draws information out of people by force instead. There are two problems with this. One, as mentioned above, he lacks the resources. He has never kidnapped anyone himself. In the case of Sayu and Kitamura, his mafia guys committed the crime themselves, and with Takada, he needed the cooperation of Matt and Lidner to get her away from NHN. I have to imagine it would be incredibly difficult for Mello to orchestrate the kidnapping of Mogi on his own, especially without a secure base, if he hasn't recruited another team of allies by this point.

The second problem is that, as far as he knows, Kira could still be anyone. He was told that it was Matsuda, now he's being told by Lidner that it's the second L, whose identity is unknown to him. Mogi could have the power to kill, and Mello's name is known to the task force, so revealing his face to anyone puts him at risk. This is also mentioned in Near's inner monologue, in which he specifically says "This way, Mello won't be in danger". He also follows this up by saying "Mello wouldn't try to kill me", and I agree with him on that front, but I wouldn't be surprised if Mello thought of this as a bit of a "fuck you" to Near by sending him a guy who could potentially be deadly.

If he kept Mogi to himself it would have in theory given him the big advantage instead of handing it over to his opponent. But the way he set it up put the power in Near's hands...there was always a chance that Near could’ve just said ‘lol thanks’ and hung up the phone leaving Mello high and dry. It seems odd somehow.

I think there's a fairly simple answer to this, which is that the purpose of the phone call is just not something that benefits Near. Mello wants Near to make Mogi say something that will incriminate L as Kira. Near is already confident that L is Kira, so he doesn't care about confirmation. That's strictly something Mello needs to hear. Mello "[keeping] Mogi to himself" would not place him at any distinct advantage, because it would only provide him with information that Near already knows. The reason it's beneficial for Near to let Mello hear this information is because it opens the door for Mello to potentially catch Kira himself. Near appears to want Kira caught regardless of who does it, so this is ultimately beneficial.

~~~

Why Mello Saved Near's Life

And finally, as I understand it your belief is in canon Mello’s priority never wavered from winning the competition but by the end he’d given up hope for that. But also he acted to save Near’s life and gain HIM the victory.

TOTALLY see what you’re saying here and I think this was just bad wording on my part in the original post. So my general opinion is that Mello has gone through a lot of character development since we first see him. When I say his priority was always to win, I mean this not in the sense that he thought dying was a victory, but in the sense that any action that allowed Near to win was not a true triumph. Thus, he couldn’t possibly consider it a win, even a joint one, when Near was ultimately the one to take credit for it, and he saw his sacrifice as surrendering instead. Essentially he never abandoned the idea that there could only be one winner, even if that winner was Near!

If he thought there’s a good chance Near is putting his life in danger by having his name written down and possibly overlooking Kira's counter-move, why act at all? If he were right wouldn't it present an opportunity for Mello to claim victory?

I think perhaps this excerpt (from here) from another of my analyses might help answer this for you:

there’s also the fact that his name is out there, and he knows that, so he probably thinks there’s a high risk he will die or be imprisoned regardless, so at least this way, he’s dying for a cause. and I think it’s also important to remember that even though he hates Near, he believes that Near is better than him. he was raised on that belief; it’s been drilled into him since he was a kid. that’s why he hates Near. so even though he’s dedicated his entire life to beating Near, I do think in a situation like this, where he thinks that one of them is going to die, he would probably assume it’s better to be him.

My point here is essentially that there is not really a future for Mello beyond the case. Even if Mello did "win", what would he do? He already forfeited the role of L; it's not like Near would just give that up because of some five-year-old competition that he was never really invested in. And Mello is a wanted criminal, so his other options are pretty bleak. He could spend the rest of his life on the run, but why? What is the point? I think he started to realise that he had to accept defeat, because the only goal he had left to chase was his own pride.

If Near dies in his confrontation with Kira due to his own mistake…well, that seems like he’s lost fair and square. Afterwards Mello could use Near’s death as the evidence to confront Kira on his own and finally come out the winner.

The issue with this is that it eliminates the entire point of winning. If Near is dead, who is he proving himself to? Who is around to see him claim that victory? It's not like Roger cares, and there's no one else at Wammy's House who mattered to him the same way Near did.

On the other hand if Mello was wrong about there being sketchy business afoot and Near did cleanly confront Kira and win, the situation ends in just the same loss that Mello in theory already accepted so at that point he can go and off himself or whatever. I’m probably not explaining this well, but hopefully you get an idea of what I mean, that there seems to be a bit of disconnect there?

I do get what you mean! Honestly I think Mello was extremely confident that there was a hole in his plan, based on his line "Then I guess I'm going to have to do it". The phrasing makes him sound extremely sure of himself, so I don't think he had any doubt that Near would die if he didn't act.

~~~

Thank you so much for the ask!! I hope this answers things for you - sorry it took me a fair while to write 🫶

[aizawashuichi]

🧐🎃🎯 for the ask game please!!

hii!! I'll put the first question last, cuz I add an excerpt from dfd to show the research lmao.

[ask game]

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

Fics specifically for holidays? Rarely. I only have always one foot in, always one foot out (Christmas-ish fic). Usually, my story timeline just happens to overlap some holidays, so I end up writing about them (e.g. Mazzaroth - Halloween chapter) or the next two three chapters in DFD that are during New Year's, but I never make a conscious effort to write something specific for them, lol.

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Generally, nope. In my previous era of writing, on Wattpad, people really didn't believe I would be that bold. In this era, I don't have anything to guess about yet. I sure hope nobody does, though, when the time comes.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

Too much time, actually lmao.

For Mazzaroth, I had to do a lot of reaserch on kids' development milestones. I sometimes felt like a weirdo for looking up stuff for some specific situation, because I would just scroll hundreds of pages of parents sharing anecdotes about their kids and I was just there taking notes lmao. I do a lot of research regarding wounds of any type for accuracy purpose and I also study pictures. I even had to look up infected wounds, so that was another whole experience.

For DFD, I am spending a lot of time looking up Medieval Castles (structure, people working there, positions, ranks) and fishes (types, behaviour - as in personality lmao).

Generally, I also spend a lot of time also on Google Maps to accurately describe my characters movements, so much so that GM is asking me reviews of some places, LMFAO, but yeah, I can exactly tell you where Corky and Jessica & Ludovic live - street name and building - as well as where Wammy's is located in my fic and why. I just love grounding my work.

For DFD, I also have to be very accurate with anything regarding investigative/FBI work, so I research laws (found out the truck driver in chapter 2 is going to prison for negligent driving causing death ☠️) and e.g. in chapter 4, I determined what drug Kiichiro Osoreda was using and analysed his bus hijack based on that.

Pasting that part (a bit long, but it's just to show how my researches play a role in my stories):

I get to the end of the page and the news of a recent bus incident catches my attention, although it has nothing to do with Kira, since the headline does not mention them, not even with a question mark.

Hijacking of a bus in the capital at the hands of Osoreda Kiichiro. He dies hit by a car soon after.

BY THE EDITORIAL TEAM | 2003/12/20

It is from about ten days ago, but it continues to be recommended; therefore, it seems to be a popular story. It is not difficult to understand why: Kiichiro Osoreda tried to rob a bank the day before, shooting in the direction of the teller and two customers as he fled. The teller died and one of the customers sustained quite serious injuries.

The article mentions that he had a drug addiction, without clarifying what this was. The only photo present is the mug shot, and he doesn't present the typical traits of methamphetamine and cocaine abuse: he has no sores, no unnatural loss of hair or eyebrows, no blackening of teeth. He looks quite thin for his build and struggling to breathe as he keeps his mouth open, which is usual among opioids, because they depress breathing. His teeth are surprisingly healthier than I expected, but they show signs of deterioration from grinding, while his eyes are typical of heroin addicts: pinpoint pupils, red sclera, and heavy eyelids.

If I were to make a guess, I'd say he seems to fall within this last category, especially considering his crime.

Those who are addicted to heroin tend to commit criminal acts in order to support their use, and I recently read a report that was able to determine a correlation between heroin use and armed robbery. They could not interview them in a qualitative way, so they looked at the percentage of heroin overdoses and robberies in a given area over a given period of time. They noticed that for every ten percent increase in heroin overdoses, robberies also increased by five percent. The latter can be of different types and, at the time of the research, only fifteen percent of the cases were aimed at banks. In addition, they noted a rather cyclical trend, with peaks and troughs in the number of robberies per year.

However, he does not seem to have planned anything, if he could not even get a way out without having to operate a firearm, although this may not be impossibility of doing otherwise, but rather absence of scruples. This is slightly unusual for those who continue to use heroin on a regular basis; hence, I'm inclined to think that he was beginning to experience withdrawal effects, which could be linked to hallucinations on the bus.

This is not very common, but it is a known effect that heroin withdrawal can generate psychotic symptoms. We should always keep this in mind when questioning suspects or taking witness statements, because there is always a risk that the defence may doubt their legitimacy. Usually, those who suffer from it already have underlying health problems, but I cannot access his health history. 

However, reading the driver's testimony, there is something not quite right.

“Yes, exactly. The man came in and started yelling saying that the bus was controlled by him. He ordered me to call my company to demand a ransom. He also put a gun to my temple,” the bus driver states. “Then, a boy sitting in the last seats dropped a paper. He went to pick it up. He got angry and started ranting and shooting. The police say in a delusion. He ordered me to stop and got off the bus. And he got run over.”

Put like that, Kiichiro Osoreda seemed to have gotten angry about the boy's sheet and that is why he started shooting, but I cannot latch onto that aspect, because the driver may have difficulty telling what exactly happened during such a traumatic episode. Moreover, he had no way of seeing exactly what was happening, only hearing it.

In any case... Did the hallucinatory episode start suddenly? Were there no visible signs beforehand? How long were they on the bus? I was going to speculate that the dropping of the paper might have been exacerbated by an auditory-type hallucination, but he waited to pick it up to get upset.

Perhaps he got angry because the boy was trying to communicate to others what to do to stop him? I can't be sure, but I don't think so, otherwise he would have shot him. He showed that he was capable, without any remorse. He could have made an example of him and demanded more compensation.

Strange that he did not, just as it is odd that he was able to shoot in confusion and hit no one. It is a miracle, because he must have had a static hallucination – the best kind in this case.

Why didn't Kira kill him, though? He was already a criminal and wanted. Even in the case where Kira only killed convicted people, which they proved they don't do, he would surely have been locked up in prison. I doubt that he did not learn of his name, since the robbery was news in this region, in which they are located.

He was a danger, so why didn't they do anything? Or... Did they really do nothing?

I let out a laugh at the absurdity of that assumption. Kira only kills by heart attack, and they would have had to be on the bus in order to be aware of what was going on and who was responsible. I don't even think they would have waited that long to take him out, since they risked putting everyone in danger. They would have killed him immediately, as soon as he announced his intentions of hijacking the bus.

But… Again, how does Kira kill? With their mind? It's incomprehensible. With what we have at the scene, the paper is the only thing that came in contact with Kiichiro Osoreda's body, and after that, he hallucinated... It is not possible that this is the trigger for the episode.

I wonder what he saw that was so frightening... A Shinigami?

I laugh again.

I searched for images of them, and I must say that if something like that appeared before me, I too would have a heart attack, but no matter how much it would adhere to the absurdity of the case, I doubt that it is what he saw. It cannot be the reason why he ran away.

However, I cannot get his moments of lucidity during this event out of my mind. He manages to give precise orders to the driver on what to do, without showing symptoms of any kind, otherwise the driver would have mentioned it, and he manages to feel a paper fall and pick it up, but after that... He suddenly hallucinates? He shoots and runs away in a fairly rational way, clearly communicating to the driver to stop. He did not try to escape through the windows or by throwing himself against the door. Panic and paranoia, especially in a time of psychotic episode, play tricks on people's rationality, and his behaviour is very consistent and orderly. 

It really looks like that guy did something with that paper for a moment.

[randomidiocyncrazies]

back on my 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim bullshit. THERE WILL BE ENDGAME SPOILERS

i think it'd be kind of interesting to explore Hijiyama's realization that Okino was also a soldier, if only informally,

one who had lost comrades to the war they were fighting (i.e. Juro Izumi and No. 19, though Juro's body survived to become Juro Kurabe, and the scene of Okino euthanizing AI!Hijiyama from 1 loop ago was cut. Ryoko losing her memories kinda counts too.) I wonder if it makes it easier for Hijiyama to understand Okino/bond with them.

(Also I think it'd be really funny if Hijiyama learns about no. 19 and ends up feeling weirdly jealous of himself from 1 loop ago—Okino seems to respect that guy way more than him—while feeling some kinda way about Okino having fought on the frontlines before he did any fighting himself, and the stuff Okino went through as a result of the war against the kaiju, including the utter annihilation of their home Sector, the loss/disappearance of almost everyone he grew up with, losing their comrades-in-arms, and having to deliver a coup de grace to a fellow survivor of sabotage at said comrade's request. There's also the fact that Okino wouldn't be emotional about it—we won and got to live in the real world, Hijiyama-kun. that's all that really matters—which a guy like Hijiyama may struggle to wrap his head around. Being able to protect the people he cares about matters to Hijiyama, but how does he protect Okino from the things they had lived through? How could he, when Okino brushes it off with a faint smile and tells him not to worry his pretty little head about it? Maybe Okino truly doesn't care and Takatoshi is just projecting, but—he sees how Okino shies away from Kurabe, though the others hadn't quite caught on yet.)

On that note, i do wonder what it's like for Okino to be the only one who remembers life in 2104 (and the same with Gouto in 2064, though I guess Ei may have some backed up memories of 2064 daily life?) With Okino being who he is, I'm sure they'd just brush it off—life in the pods was just a "massive, perfect illusion"—but does he ever miss the sight of the Century Tower from Sumire Bridge? do they start referencing 2104 stuff only to remember that none of the others would understand what he's talking about? do they (reluctantly) bond with 426 about what life was like in the 2100s, while Juro Kurabe hangs around awkwardly since 426 is in his nanomachines? and this is before we get into how the Juro Izumi who became Juro Kurabe was originally from Sector 1 as well, meaning there's a non-insignificant chance that Okino knew him before his personality death. I mean, they do call Kurabe "Juro" in the 'Juro Kurabe' event, suggesting some level of closeness.

I know part of the game's theme is that each iteration of clones are their own people, and there's not much hard evidence to suggest that current loop Okino and Izumi were friends. but I find it incredibly sad if current loop Okino and Izumi were essentially strangers even before Izumi suffered death of personality, since -2 Okino and -2 Izumi were good friends along with -2 Morimura. (Like. the fact that 426 kept saying his Okino's name when he was drugged and interrogated by the police paints a picture of how heavily -2 Okino's sacrifice weighed on him, even though he also kills -1 Okino and others shortly afterwards in a misguided attempt to stop the D-Code.) I think 426/-2 Izumi and current loop Okino having this weird dynamic where they know the other isn't the Okino/Izumi they knew, but still find traces of 'their' Okino/Izumi in the other would be pretty compelling. They're both the type to put the big picture before personal emotions (though Okino will cut corners for their own convenience), and both know perfectly well that clones =/= the same person, so them having this bizarre mourning experience with each other is just so fascinating to me. Like, wouldn't it be weird if there's more that 426 has in common with the Izumi that Okino knew than Juro Kurabe does, and Okino shares the slightly irreverent attitude of the kid in 426's memory, a kid who cares more than they let on and is braver and more stubborn than his appearance suggests just like Tsukasa-kun—but the friendship they had with their version of each other is gone forever? (and also 426 is like 3 times the kids' age, which makes him more of a tired reluctant uncle than a peer. free him. this middle-aged man is surrounded by teenagers and their interpersonal drama.)

(i don't ship them for real, but i think Okino fake flirts with 426 to get under his skin—426 is pretty damn sure his Tsukasa-kun never liked him in that way, but he'll also never know for sure because his Tsukasa-kun had been dead for decades.)

[wolame-o-ccx]

I found it by accident and thought: DAMN, THIS IS ONE OF THE WAYS TO FEED BELOS!

Gus would have come up with the idea, shared it with friends, then they would have persuaded the palismans that they would agree to help the creature that hunted members of their species for centuries. They would have energized the cauldron of water, and then they would have called Phillip. He doesn't understand what they want from him, drinks a glass of water from the cauldron and freezes.

- This… Is this a palisman? - He is very surprised and does not understand what is going on.

- Yeah, the water one. - Gus says with a smile - I found information on the Internet that water can be charged with energy and decided that we can do it to help you. Dude, the paper is delicious, of course, but you eat too much of it

- You've done it all... Just to help me? - The answer to him was a synchronized nod of five heads. - I'm flattered. Thank you all for making this fascinating device. - Phillip got down on one knee and looked at palismans – And thank you for agreeing to share your energy. I am in great debt to you

- Wow, I didn't expect you to like our gift so much. - Amity was very surprised to see the bow of the former emperor

- Kids, you've done something I could never have thought of. - Phillip got up from his knee and straightened his back. He looked at the children with a smile - You used a completely different way of dealing with the situation. I would never do anything like that. I never cared about palisman's life. And you all know that. For me, the death of yet another magical creature was a reward. I've never thought about carving myself a palisman. I hunted them, not caring that their owners would mourn the loss. And if I killed a witch, the reward was sweeter. How many lives would be saved if I had such a machine? Dozens and dozens. - Phillip went to the cauldron and filled a glass of water. - I drink this cup for you and your peaceful solutions! Glory to you! - Having said that, Phillip drank a glass of water.

- Man, I missed those speeches - Gus smiled

- And that's what I'm thinking, is it possible to extract energy from my body by the same method? Perhaps we can experiment on it, what do you say?

I'm in. - Gus said - I want to see how you will run in the wheel!

The children giggled at the idea. Phillip giggled too. He was so proud of each of these children that he couldn't resist hugging them. The palismans also joined the hugging after a while. Everyone was happy

"Kids" AAUGGH but this means he doesn't have to eat paper now WHICH FOR SOME REASON GENUINELY SADDENS ME THE GLYPH THING IS SO 💜💜💜💜 but maybe the palismans don't do the spinny thing all the time because of how much energy it consumes so Pip is like aight more glyphs I guess and to be fair that's your own headcanon that isn't canon in mine so 😁👍 GLYPHS!!!!!!

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Michael David Cobb Bowen

Published: Dec 21, 2024

Today I came across some interesting material. It was a video that my brother Doc, retired LAPD, got to me from his network of insiders. It seems so long ago, but seeing it fresh four years later is quite the revelation. Today I’m publishing some of the last things I said on my old blog before moving to Substack. You can check it out at Stoic Observations.

From the Archives

Dateline June 2020 Some time ago I wrote My Black Life Doesn't Matter. As the machinations and shenanigans associated with BLM continue to disturb my peace, I think I have come to an appropriate way to describe it. Having come to this realization, I find it entirely consistent with my understanding of coming to grips with an identity one doesn't choose and how the Civil Rights movements of the past are so starkly and fundamentally different from what's going on today.

George Floyd has become a fungible.

He has been press ganged into a parade of celebrity victims by a crowd of activists and their sympathizers. His actual black life has been hounded into a representational dead end. Or to use more commonly bandied about language, he has been culturally appropriated. George Floyd is not his life, he is only his death. What his life might have meant has succumbed to the public acceptance, almost unanimous, about what his death has symbolized. I too, like the family of Floyd, know what it is like to lose a family member suddenly and tragically. I know what that kind of grief and loss feels like. I have experienced this for myself, twice. What I do not know, is what it feels like to have a family member's entire life be overshadowed by a moment of infamy and then converted into an avalanche of political activism. I have not had a family member erased.

On the other hand, I am familiar with the theme. Anyone who has attempted to write, as I have, as a black writer, knows how difficult it is to get your writing recognized as a legitimate and authentic representation of your lived experience. You can call this an economic injustice if that term suits you, because it is clear that the economic power of news organization and political organization and cultural production companies in any medium quite handily overwhelms the truth of any individual writer. Only the writer who is broadly published and becomes famous because of that, is relatively safe from misrepresentation. That safety is under a greater threat than ever in my memory, owing to the cowardice and volume of Cancel Culture and their blue meany alarm-clowns. As much as it is told that diverse voices are being empowered, these are only pigeonholes. They are as common and as generic as rainbow graphics and full [people of] color brochures for liberal arts colleges. Yet it is hard enough to have the actual details of life accurately portrayed in a world where racial stereotypes rule. When I moved from Los Angeles to Brooklyn around the corner from Crown Heights, it was assumed that black Americans all had the same negative connotations of Jews. So I was asked to join certain protests. I never had anything but normal relations with Jews my entire life. When I moved from NY to Atlanta's largely white Cobb County suburbs, it was assumed that I would inherit all of the black culture of Fulton County, largely black. Black diversity, that phrase you never hear, is real but it is always smothered for the premises of black cultural and political unity, and by the liberal confirmation bias that assumes it. That's why it's not part of today's narrative. That's why George Floyd's dead body means so much more than his life. It can't defy the narrative. It generated a perfect storm because it was racially predestined.

When I first got on the net in the early 90s, a close friend of mine said something fundamentally profound. It was that black Americans didn't need and weren't looking for a black leader, it was white people. White people needed a black leader to speak for the masses, someone they could accept or reject and then compare the ideas of the leaders to those black Americans with whom they wished to embrace or denounce. Where do you stand on Khalid Muhammad?, we were asked. Where do you stand on Mumia? What is your opinion on Cornel West? It was as if black America lived in an hermetic universe whose bubble could only be pierced by the Fungibles who communicated with the rest of us at the Wednesday Night Meeting. At the same time, we acknowledged it was true that black Americans were looking for symbols to back up their stories of "I told you so." to anyone who doubted the reality of racism. The dynamic remains. There is a hot market for tales from the hood. I cannot tell you how many breathless inquiries I have received in the vein of "What is the most devastating racist thing that ever happened to you?".

In this inverted world of show and tell, only the bleakest, blackest tragedies are monetized and taken up by the American elites. The short attention span theater of the mainstream media does not have the inclination, time, patience or budget to put more substantive non-fiction into their agendas, certainly nothing that defies the new conventions of multicultural political correctness that floats up from the teaming millions. The common man must be left to his own devices and of consumption, but they are not interested in their reality. If the New York Times survey says X, then the public had better believe it for its own good. All the acceptable alternatives are to be consumed by the first class citizens in the magazines that matter, mostly brought to you by Conde Nast. Perhaps I'm being cynical and shrill. I simply hate drowning in the vanilla fluff of deepest darkest horrors of the 'black lives' that matter. Once upon a time there were celebrated men like Vernon Jordan who got to represent what America could provide to its citizens. Now the examples are the mistreated, maimed, & murdered.

In my writing, I have dealt with just about every one of them. Sean Bell, The Jena Six, Latasha Harlins, Rodney King, Ron Settles, Michael Zinzun, Don Jackson, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Mumia Abu Jamal, Shaquanda Cotton, and many more that I don't currently have the patience to link to an appropriate post in my archives. Nevertheless I have no problem simply listing them:

Abner Louima

Genarlow Wilson

Dunbar Village

Jonny Gammage

Tyisha Miller

Eric Garner

Tamir Rice

Freddy Gray

Philando Castile

What did they do? How did they live? It doesn't matter. They were crushed, now all we have are their ghosts haunting every newsroom, every political mention of race. They have, in the hands of the priests of the death cult of the New Anti Racists, the only blacks that matter - the dead ones. Nobody is able to celebrate black life in this narrative. It's black death that pays the bills. It's black tragedy that keeps the newsrooms buzzing. It's black dysfunction that keeps people talking and editorializing and coming up with some of the most nonsensical political ideas outside of Lilliput. This game is old, tired and wrong.

[cornflowershade]

Bless you for putting The Shipper content on my dash in 2023. Such a lovely show! I take it you enjoyed it?

OMG I DID. Like, where to start. First of all, I appreciate any show that doesn't take itself too seriously or seem afraid how it'll come off, and this is one of them. It is WACKY (and funny) and strange, and I enjoyed every minute of that. But there's drama as well, which I'm a sucker for too, and we will get to that.

Of course, I also lovedddd the cast. First was freaking amazing in this role, the way you can see him switch roles and covey Pan, like??? In fact, everyone did an amazing job. The acting was so good. Also loved Jennie as the angel of death, haha. And Ohm as Khet was so cute. Soda was adorable. And yeahhhh, Way ended up bringing emotions.

Going into the series, it was this great fun adventure body swap situation —always a good time— but obviously there was a million twists, and one of my favorite things about this show was how unpredictable the path always was. Being a show about life (and death), I think that unpredictability kinda suits it.

I like the idea of how it start with Pan, who has an idealized like, wattpad fanfic reading of the world around her—or at least of Kim and Way. Then we place her in Kim's life—via a total fanfic scenario (side note I love how everything feels so fanfic, even down to the wild shipping vibes between literally everyone at various points. the chemistry just chemistry-ing 24/7) and from there everything only gets more complex as she discovers that no, she doesn't know everything about this boy. We discover more about Kim through her, and over time through the other characters as well, and by the time we realize Kim is gone (following an ongoing mystery of Uh Oh Where Is He??) we finally have a fuller picture of him. A picture painted through the choices he made, the lives he impacted, and what he meant to people, etc. And Pan has a better understanding of both Kim and herself. As well as having to face some moral quandaries on how to handle situations linked to this extremely wacky circumstance.

She learns not to judge so quickly (like she did at the start with WayKim or at the point where discovers Kim's secrets. She continues learning this all the way to when she realizes how Khet feels.). I also liked that by the time she realizes WayKim was real, it's something that is able to hit her with gravity? By then it means something more than "ooooooh look at them, look at my ship." Because she feels the implications. Because she knows them better. Because she knows the weight of what it means after living Kim's life and after discovering that he's gone. After we learn that he's dead, it actually makes things make a lot more sense. 1) that he didn't wake up and 2) why the show gives such an investigation into his life [beyond the obvious reason, which is Pan trying to get her bearings and fumble through]—it's almost retrospective.

Speaking of the weight of things (yes this has turned into a full blown show review/meta haha) I again enjoyed how the series becomes something weightier as it goes on. Not to say there wasn't weight at the beginning, but the tone got more grounded as it progressed. Like I said before, it's a show about life and death, and the impact of both. I'd say it's also about loss and learning from experiences (even the angel of death ends up learning a lesson—double check those names!!—and being impacted by a relationship, by someone's life, as she develops a fondness toward Pan.)

Those themes start all the way back at the beginning, with Pan's body being in a coma. With her friends and stepdad worrying if she'll come back to them, and Pan being unable to tell them she's okay (ugh the drama yes). We see the impact that her absence has (and yet she doesn't truly realize until later that her absence is just as important as Kim's. That her presence is just as important his his.) That loss theme is kind of continued through the plot with Way and his girlfriend, actually. And then there's everything with Khet and Kim (yeah that made me cry), and Kim and Way (also made me cry). As The Shipper progresses, we see more deeply into every relationship and motive until we're finally able to understand the character's hearts. And by the time we do, that's why everything hurts so darn bad. It comes together so well.

The balance of lighthearted and heavy was actually really enjoyable to me, though I see from skimming through the tag that not everyone agrees here lol. But personally I liked the plot and the ending and think they worked pretty harmoniously. The series is definitely sad but I wouldn't call it a "sad show?" A reflective one for sure (not saying it's the deepest show on the planet but still) and kinda cathartic. I think it's interesting that, despite all the fantasy and off-the-wall elements, this show had a huge sense of realness to me?? While yeah, still being that fantasy story with wacky elements and lovable characters, which adds such a vibe and really makes the show xD

(Sidenote I laughed at the last line, 'so this is what it's like having a yaoi girlfriend' lmao. sorry khet. i'm not always keen on like, humor last lines—they sometimes feel out of place after sad things— but this one fit well and lifted the mood and seemed full circle. they brought it back to comedy without it being clunky. that whole last scene with her and khet was nice. now I just need to understand the after credit voiceover bc youtube didn't subtitle it AGH)

Honestly, no notes. Idk how common this take is, but: this was probably one of my favorite Thai dramas so far???

Anyway, looking forward to putting more of this show on your dash in the future xD

[fiestylittlebeetle]

Joule and Ohm

so about Joule

Joule is an old Gimlinopithecus, he's grouchy, and lives nomadically on his ship, the original Pylon (Ohm's current ship as an adult is the Pylon-III) He's not cruel, but he can be a bit harsh in his old age, and will give you the hard facts of life. He also adopted and raised Ohm until she was a teenager.

I subscribe to the WoG that conductoids are anti-social, and so to me they don't rear their own young, it's kind of a cowbird situations, sometimes they get ditch with another species, but it's also not uncommon for them to just be abandoned outright.

Ohm survived alone for about 4-5 years, and was a feral child. She gets caught by Joule when she snuck onto his ship either out of curiosity, or looking for something to drain the energy from.

when he catches her he has her scruffed and she tries to zap and bite him and swat him away like a little beast. but she's like, a couple of grapes to him even as an old man. He was initially gonna toss her out the airlock when he caught her, but ended up not doing it cause she's just a kid, and clearly not a civilized child at that.

He ends up keeping her around to take care of her knowing what she is. She is about as happy about it as a feral kitten being forced to be socialized, a very spicy baby. When he gets her a little jumpsuit so shes not just running around naked she HATES it. and tries desperately to rip it off but eventually gives up, its very funny to see.

gradually she does end up trusting him cause he feeds her and mostly leaves her alone. She can't really speak yet but does try to copy the sounds he makes (she learns how to swear early). it takes a while but she does follow him and stick around him like static when they're out at alien markets or on other worlds restocking supply. It doesn't take her but a year to be speaking in full sentences, and learning how to read.

Ohm was not particularly interested in other people as a kid and was more interested in the things around her. Joule does raise her to understand that it's normal for her to not wanna deal with other people being a conductoid and all, but she still has to learn to tolerate them and be around and talk to them to survive in the world these days. I think if Ohm had to learn to be a person around others while still subscribing to her natural desire for solitude, its a crotchety old hermit.

He does a pretty decent job raising her, to protect herself, and take care of herself, well, at least he tried to do his damnedest.

Unfortunately Joule wasn't just Ohm's only family, but also her first real experience with close death. Joule passes away when Ohm is around 16/17, so she's old enough to take care of herself and protect herself but now she's a kid alone again. He did try to prepare her for this outcome, cause he knew he wasn't gonna survive to her adulthood he was already getting up there in age when he took her in. When he first tries to have the death talk with her she interpreted it as him abandoning her, and even though she liked being alone she didn't want him to leave her behind, she had gotten attached to him, and was angry at him for implying it (think how littlefoot was blaming his mom for "leaving" him when she died in land before time). He had to explain to her that he wasn't leaving, but he certainly wasn't gonna be around forever weather either of them liked it or not so it was gonna happen.

Ohm had to be the one who took care of his body, he left her instructions on what to do with him. It takes her a while to get around to it.

Ohm lives alone for a while on his ship, and tries to keep going with the regular daily that the two had before. But unfortunately what really ends her mourning period and kicks her into "time to survive" is the loss of the Pylon.

The original Pylon is like her Rustbucket. and She looses it. She gets over powered by some thugs and she looses it all. all she has left is whatever clothes are on her back and whatever stuff got ditched by the thieves. and she's gotta start from scratch on a new planet (nowhere in specific is set)

She does do pretty good survivng, gets better at fighting, makes some money doing some light merc work, and "henching" as it were. Gets weapons, and tools, and eventually, a new ship. life happens, she grows, gets better at what she does, finds enjoyment in specific peoples company, you know, lives life. Looses the Pylon-II, gets the Pylon-III, takes in the Fulgur, meets spark, yadda yadda.

one of Ohm's ambitions in life is to find the original Pylon again, even after so long she wants to find that ship again. ever since she got her second ship she looked everytime she stopped at a new world, in a new ship yard, in junk yards, on marketplaces, if there's a place with ships, or that deals in ships she looks. She doesn't know if it's even still intact or was scrapped. But she looks, it's the closest she'll ever be able to get to Joule again. So she looks and she hopes that one day she'll even get to see the Pylon even if she can't have it.

I haven't decided if she gets to find it.

[the-abnormalities]

Heartache

this is basically a short story/documentary thing of what I headcanon Carlton Burke to be like after the fourth closet, once he's out of hospital and what... Well, everything, did to him.

Warning! This will include some of my own headcanons, which include Carlton developing DID of each of the children after the metal with their souls was injected into his heart, how his rehabilitation affects him (I don't think it's called cardiac rehab but it's like that I think) and how his life is affected as a whole. This contains very traumatic experiences, such as stabbings, death of childhood friends, parental divorce, kidnappings and rehab, so be cautious when continuing and if anything in bold triggers you in any way id advise you to not read this one, but there's other works of other topics on my account! Love ya <3

2 years ago, it happened. He was stabbed in the heart, injected with flaming hot metal, also the souls of many children. His own friend included. Carlton is different now, both good and badly, he's had to get physio and surgery, adapt to a new way of living, one without his mother but one with a friend that died 12 years ago.

Michael Brooks, a young blond of 7, Suzie, Gabriel, Fritz, Jeremy and Cassidy are the names of the children, who are now alters in the dissociative identity disorder that the now 18 year old redhead possesses. Carlton has many struggles now, memory loss, heart issues as a whole, and the DiD frustrated him at times, also never seeing his mother, since his father and her divorced when he was in college. It's all something he needs to adapt to, a new life, one without the horrors of Freddy's, yet the memories and souls remain.

His father, chief of police, officer Clay Burke, is caring yet distant, always busy which is understandable but still upsets him if he or any other alter is upset already or needs help. "One moment, son." He will say, not even realising that it's Suzie who's fronting, for example. It makes her feel ignored. Fritz and Cassidy are able to get his attention though, with Fritz being energetic, Cassidy being unsettling in her silence. Clay still cares, though. He sees his child struggling and wishes he could do more, he wished he could just rewind the time to the ceremony that Carlton went to, making him and his friends go to Freddy's, allowing him to be kidnapped.

He took it as a joke.

He should have never done that, now his life is a mess too, his wife left him, his child is hurt and broken. Dead children are inside of him now. Dead. Children. Carlton struggles, he comes back from physiotherapy exhausted, he was already, everyone thinks he's the same or he'll recover quickly, but he can't. It takes time. Time he might not have. Yes, he hangs out with his friends, John, Jessica and Marla, but Charlie? He still doesn't know what happened to her. Where did she go?

Things are kept from him for the same of not troubling him further or disturbing other alters, which frustrated him more than he already is, and sometimes he feels like he's not in control of his own body, like Afton can control him like he did with the other children. But that can't happen, can it? He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything anymore, it's almost driving him mad: Putting on a happy face, laughing, joking with his friends, pretending everything is okay, although he could break down with the snap of a finger.

It just hurts, everything hurts. His heart hurts.

[succiducus]

FULL NAVIGATION ~ BIO & CONNECTIONS ~ DIRECTORY

{şükrü özyıldız, 35, cis-male, he/him} We are so glad to see you safe, REGENT SULTAN ROSTAM of PERSIA! It’s dangerous out in the world these days, but I hear that you are PHILANTHROPIC and GENTLE enough to handle it. Just don’t let your AGGRESSIVENESS bring you down! Stay on your guard, because with your secret being at risk for exposure, you wouldn’t want everyone to find out [that he believes his older sibling is the cause of his husband’s death].

b a s i c s //

birth name: selim adım abdul

persian royal name: rostam qajar

birthday: september 21st (virgo)

occupation: regent sultan of persia / crown sultan of turkey

orientation: homoromantic - pansexual

status: betrothed to ariyan banerjee

languages: turkish, persian, arabic, english.

p e s o n a l i t y //

If ever there was a human born to the Earth who reminded their parents of summertime, Rostam Qajar , born Selim Abdul, was that reminder. He was a wispy boy; hyper-active, always moving, and empathetic beyond what any father would be proud of. However, he paid attention to his nurture. It made his tongue sharp and his mind calculative, a son worthy, if the time came, to be crowned sultan. He was kind, out-going, but often would fall victim to the anger that had always lurked deep down inside of him. Being such an intelligent man meant that when bored, he grew frustrated, and in the shadows of frustration, anger festered. It came out as self-destruction and the inability to handle stress in a time that was beyond stressful. Most abnormally, he was a romantic - somebody who cared deeply for the people who moved into and out of his life like the rise and fall of water levels in a river. He always identified with the wind - while normally easy-going and gentle, the wind, much like him, could bring about disaster if tempered. Now, with the death of his husband coming on so suddenly and the family that he’d married into thrown into chaos, every ounce of summertime has been taken from him. He’s quiet, reserved, has isolated himself from his people but also from the family that he had gained after marrying for love. More so, toward his family in Turkey, and without their understanding, most know him now only from his anger or from his complete silence - there is no in between. character influences: king rauru (totk), gollum & bilbo baggins (lotr), gojo satoru (jjk).

c o n n e c t i o n s //

mohammad khan qajar  (آغا محمد خان قاجا) (late husband) - they fell in love in the gardens of the turkish palace in the spring. their chemistry was envied, their empire built on solid foundation was complimented, but most importantly, they remained quiet about the reasoning for their marriage. they knew that people enjoyed ruining the good in life, especially for royals and so they lived a quiet life inside of the persian palace albeit one of luxury. the persian people welcomed rostam with hesitance but over time came to love him just as much as their ruler. they had no children at the time of the sultan's death, however, they had talked about expanding their family many times. he was rostam's first and only love and his only experience with death. in fact, he doesn't know if he can move on without him but he hopes that he can make it long enough to see justice fall on the person responsible for his death.

cailean fergusson (friend) - malcom and cailean, rostam and khan, to the world, they were very different yet when together, they were simply four people who could bask in the authenticity and solidarity of finding great love. however, in 1770, nearly a decade after a falling out due to rostam's childish upset over cailean's distance after the death of their partner, rostam and cailean have something unfortunate in common - the loss of the men they loved.

[silver-heller]

Speaking of ships...

I am curious how you view the situation with Serafine and Mordecai, since your Mordecai has different experiences and therefore perspectives. So, I'd be interested in how he'd view that situation (being a fan myself and finding it of interest).

@mrslitmus

I think the huge difference can be summed up with; Silver's fake death changes a lot.

In the original comic, Mordecai was fired up by Atlas' death, and I personally headcanon Mordecai is at the Marigold to try and figure out what happened to Atlas. Atlas was so important to him and ultimately haunted his life both when he was living and in his death (I have rambled about their relationship in other places, so, I'll leave it at that. The added complexities in his relationship with Atlas is definitely a factor as well though). Meaning not only was Mordecai mourning, but he was pissed off and wanted revenge, something Serafine ultimately mocks and seems to lead to him hating her.

But, placing Silver's death before that, while it doesn't change the fact Mordecai still wants those things, makes Mordecai a lot more lost. That relationship meant so much to him, to the point he found himself seeking more independence from Atlas, an act he was originally hesitant over. Without Silver, that's suddenly drawn into question. He does what he thinks he should, but he's not fired up, his heart is not in it, he doesn't even know if it's the right thing to do.

He suddenly has independence, yet he is using it to continue to be right under Atlas' paw and, deep down, I don't think that entirely sits right with him. Especially when it goes directly against Silver's wishes, who was always terrified Mordecai would just become a clone of Atlas and, in a way, Mordecai is extremely conflicted, because respecting the memory of these two people in his life contradict one another. In this sense, Silver is very symbolic of change, of Mordecai opening up and finally going in his own direction (something Serafine builds off of), while Atlas is very symbolic of keeping the status quo, if not amplifying it, with Mordecai becoming the detached, cold businessman Atlas was due to all his grief.

Then, with Serafine and Nico seeing the weakest part of him while he's in this limbo (discovering the wedding wing he planned to give to Silver), Mordecai reveals, and repeats several times how he really feels, which is, "it doesn't matter". In this timeline, the worst thing has already happened to Mordecai. He lost both the loves of his life in different ways, along with his mentor, a rather polarizing figure but one he still did love (platonically) in the end, and believes it's all his fault. Nothing Serafine can do truly be hurtful at this point, no pain will compare to all the loss he has experienced at this point.

So yes, at first he's definitely pissed but, after that fades, he's practically begging to have someone unravel the secrets he's kept inside all these years and understand him. This is a task Serafine is happy to do, what she did proving to Mordecai she can take it, and she sees his sentimentality as more of a positive now that it is no longer a threat to her.

Plus, probably best to keep in mind Serafine and Silver are pretty similar in a lot of ways. Considering Silver almost, accidentally clawed Mordecai's face once in a panic, and Mordecai has seen Silver do far worse to their victims, what Serafine did or does is pretty mild in comparison. Serafine is overall a bit more "sane" and "down to Earth" than Silver is, which ultimately makes Mordecai less fussed about what happened. He views it as a failed strategic move on Serafine's part and nothing more.

Thanks for asking, this was fun to talk about and helped me put things into perspective!

[clover-the-awesomest]

My wifi died when I first saw this so I never got the full experience and it ended with Casey holding the book up to Raph. Thus, I didn't really think much of it, just some cute moments with Raph and baby Casey.

Looking back at this now makes me feel like a friggin idiot.

BECAUSE OH MY GOSH LOOK AT BABY CASEY IN THE LAST PAGE?????????

okokokokokokokokok lemme explain why I'm focusing on that and not the GIANT elephant in the literal room rn. Basically, I'm fuccin emotionless, I feel nothing, and I'm an alien. Thus, I tend to gravitate towards the emotions of living characters rather than dead fricking bodies.

Which is why I wanna talk about Casey. This lovable little squirt as a child has seen nothing like this before. He's witnessed people being mean, sure, has seen things break, yeah, has seen people break down and cry... Okay probably not that one BUT STILL! Casey's an apocalypse baby. He's seen a lot in the short time that he's been alive. However, one thing he has yet to witness, is death itself.

Well not actually Death Itself like in Puss in Boots or that one indie animated pilot that never saw the light of day again-

This was the first time ever that Casey has ever seen someone die, or on the brink of death. This, to me, is a reflection on the parentage of the others. If a child has witnessed more than necessary at a young age, then the parents are shit and should go to jail. If they don't have trauma yet, then the parents are doing their jobs right and they can rightfully plead the fifth in court. For Casey, it's the latter. His parents, aka the turtles, (And specifically Raph) have been doing a great job with taking care of Casey!

This also means though that he doesn't quite understand yet that Raph is, for the moment, gone for good. He's not gonna understand why Mikey will go on to avoid him as time goes on. He's not gonna grasp why Leo holds him so close to his chest every night. He's not gonna wonder why UncleTello hasn't been seen outside his lab in days. Only after noticing these things will he be able to understand what happened to his mother and father, and only then will he truly know what it's like to lose someone.

This is represented via his shadow, actually. Well, sort of. Usually, when a shadow is shown casting unto or from a character, it's to represent unsureness, confusion, a loss of identity, darkness... All that bad shit. For this case, however, I see it differently.

Well kind of. This is really really hard to explain so just- bare with me here please and thank you-

The older Casey, the 13-year-old (I forget how old he is actually so I'm just going off of my own headcanon. Sorry) that we see with a grief-stricken face and a haunted look that has seen far too much by now, is casting no shadow. The younger version of himself, the 3-year-old, the one who is only witnessing death for the first time in his life, is casting a shadow.

In this case, I believe the shadow represents pureness and kindness. Sure, Casey's got a butt-ton of kindness in his heart still, and he's so full of it that I bet he's overflowing with it, but it's much more worn-down and deflated than how it used to be. The smaller, younger Junior is filled with far more love and innocence and kindness. Far too much for his teeny-tiny toddler body to allow. Because, ya know, that's just how kids are. They have those like 2-year intervals where they're little shits for a while, you start questioning their sanity, and then BOOM! Nicest human being you've ever seen!

So basically here, Junior is overflowing with kindness. That- That's what the shadow is. His innocence.

...

I bet I'm reading way too much into this and Cass is gonna pop up in my tags and be like: "Ayo u got it wrong L but good observation I guess lmao"

If they do I will be honored.

Part 4!

…He found the papa dinosaur

Part 1

[itmeblog]

Politics

So, a few days ago I saw someone say that Biden is evil and his actions in Gaza were going to be his only legacy and while I think what's happening is utterly deplorable, I don't believe in evil or more accurately I don't believe in evil without reason.

Like Trump does shit because he likes attention, he needs to be liked, he wants to be rich, he wants people to think he's smart, he doesn't want to go to prison, etc. In light of that, he makes sense. I find him difficult to predict but once he does shit, it takes like minimal poking around to understand why.

So what the fuck is up with Biden.

Like what Obama did in the middle east was monstrous but there was a reason (not a justification). But I couldn't figure out a reason for Biden and Israel.

People are dying, the whole world agrees it's genocide, Israel is flagrantly disregarding calls to stop, they're attacking other countries... so why is this happening? We don't really need them for military purposes, they don't have a great standing politically, their resources are limited so why are we still selling arms??

And then I wondered something about the assumptions we've made as Americans like... if America stops selling Israel weapons, the war will stop or they won't be able to get their hands on enough bombs to continue and...

Why did we assume that?

Because we're the ones selling it?

Because that was a really good galvanizing cry?

But is it based in reality?

What if it's not?

So I started wondering about that. If America stopped selling weapons to Israel who is most likely to fill the void? And where would that money go if it wasn't going to us.

And suddenly this problem became... complex.

Because if Russia fills the void and uses the money to fund the war in Ukraine... what do you do? Because the Palestinians are still getting bombed and now the fighting in Ukraine has intensified and do you want to put feet on the ground? (We have some in Palestine but idk what we're doing). And what role did/does Ukraine play in Europe?

What if another country sells to them? Another "hostile entity" (in terms of the US)?

And I don't really have a solution to this or know what I would do in this situation. I can't really comprehend the type of math that gets into?? Because how do you decide whose life to save? Is it just racism? Is it innocence? A byproduct of isolationism? Whatever minimizes the deaths of Americans? Is it minimizing total loss of life?? Is it control of funding?? Is it to keep political opponents from gaining ground and how valuable is that as a "threat" (something that hasn't happened yet) to the true atrocities definitely occurring right now?? (Is it just to play chess with the lives of others??)

And is it right?? No. FUCK NO. But in that situation (Still mostly hypothetical) WHAT THE FUCK WOULD I DO?! WHAT ANGLE IN BIDEN COMING FROM??

AND NOW I AM IN DISTRESS. Because what if the truth is that saving Palestine was never an option unless the Israeli/Palestenian populations themselves managed to stop it? If not for America could it have been done as a world effort? Or would people have hesitated sending troops? Did they vote as they did anticipating America would vote no, just to posture? Because are they helping Sudan? The Uyhgurs? Or the Congo in the same ways people talk about saving Palestine? Would it have been possible because the fix would theoretically be simpler because it's a relatively small area?

I don't know.

This thought experiment was fucking terrible.