#but god. I'm gonna fucking do something drastic soon

[david-watts]

I’m gonna kill someone!! I really fuckin am at this rate!!

[conspicuous-clown-car]

what a morning,,,

here's a rant about the pressure community

I've been kinda lurking on pressure twitter for the past few weeks while all this shit went down and i just gotta say... jesus fuck.

I practically had a heart attack as soon as i opened my phone when i woke up and saw zeal was trying to sell pressure. Considering how he changed his profile last night to a strictly corporate one and then this? It seemed like a really hasty decision, and something serious was going on with him.

And yknow what, with all the hate being directed at him right now i don't blame him one fucking bit. I'd probably end up doing the same thing if i was in his shoes. Being autistic as well, i would just want to completely distance myself from this overwhelming bullshit. I think that's why he started to distance himself from the community in the first place (which unfortunately is kinda what led to some issues getting overlooked).

The tweet was deleted and pressure isn't for sale anymore thank GOD, but I'm honestly more worried about the actual people behind pressure than the game itself.

I agree that there's issues they need to fix, but its not an entirely black and white situation, and its pretty fucking complicated. With the sheer amount of people in the community its crazy to expect them to handle and manage everything themself, especially since they blew up in popularity in such a short amount of time, how the hell would they know how to deal with this???

Yes, there are certain things they need to actually address and take responsibility for that they sort of haven't, but attacking them to where it gets to this point isn't the fucking answer.

I wouldn't blame any of the devs if they never touch the game again, the way the community has treated them and has completely blown things out of proportion is insane. I feel like the main issue is the discord server itself but that's just me. From what I've seen its mostly just the community self cannibalizing, attacking each other, sending death threats, and doxxing people over shit that literally doesn't matter at all.

I'm not one to really delve into fandom drama, but this whole issue with certain possessive Sebastian fans and those who took it upon themselves to attack those fans is the stupidest fucking conflict I've ever seen in any fandom. Especially when this stuff reaches the people who work on the games who have nothing to do with it.

I agree that this is something the devs need to talk about head on with full transparency, no matter their feelings on it, because a main problem I've seen with them is lack of community management.

But again, y'all are forgetting the devs are REAL FUCKING PEOPLE, people who are bound to make mistakes, and get overwhelmed, and not know how to deal with suddenly having a giant fanbase. Harassing them and sending death threats is going way too fucking far and wont solve anything, because clearly all its done is made things worse.

Also god forbid they have boundaries and don't want to see certain things in the discord server. I'm not gonna get into the specifics, but as a queer trans person I think some of y'all are reading too much into the things they don't allow, seriously.

Reminder, I'm saying all this as someone who self-ships with Sebastian, and who's not entirely thrilled about him being canonically married. BUT PRIORITIZING A FICTIONAL CHARACTER OVER REAL PEOPLE????? THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YALL???

And to the people I've seen disappointed in zeal's response to all this on twitter, I'm with you, not seeing whats happening in the community doesn't mean these problems don't exist. But think about the shit he's going through, put yourself in his shoes and genuinely try to understand how fucking overwhelming this whole situation is, for him and the rest of the team. Especially after what's happened in the past 24 hours.

Tangent, but am i the only one who's seen a drastic change in the way fandom communities operate in the past few years? Like after lockdown fandom spaces have gotten more and more hostile, and people are just being so fucking mean to each other over the most trivial shit??? Listen I Get being chronically online, because i am, but at a certain point you just gotta log the fuck off and touch some grass, man. christ.

I really hope the devs take a break, they need it. I was excited about the update that was supposed to come out this month but I don't think it will now, and I honestly don't think we deserve it.

TL;DR: Pressure fandom, do better. Speaking from both points of view, no matter the various mistakes the dev team has made, the majority of this is on y'all.

And lastly, I'd honestly rather keep pressure exactly the way it is with no updates and no new stuff ever again than for it to turn into roblox slop like most of the games that are sold off on that platform.

[corn-fanfiction]

SAVIOUR COMPLEX (Pt. 5)

(Pt. 4)

Rated: M

TAGS: language/past abuse/Mark Hoffman being a c*p/sensuality/reader is normal and likes to do normal things/Mark is protective bc it's his job but he's also problematic/because he's a c*p/Terrezanos/dead bodyodyodyody

When Mark comes to collect you, he's in a somewhat nicer suit than usual, but you look drastically different. Yes, you want a nice romantic dinner with this powerful man that keeps you on your toes…but you also want to wear something that will look incredible on a bedroom floor.

His eyes rake over you when he sees your black dress with lace detail, your painted red lips, your legs that seem to go on for miles.

“Ho-ly,” he starts. You shut him up with a tip-toe kiss. His large hands wrap around your waist and he tries to deepen the kiss, but you pull away.

“This is MAC, Hoffman. Don't you dare smudge it.”

“Sweetheart you could put that lipstick all over me and I'd buy you 100 more.”

“Damn you're perfect, huh? Come on. We can ruin my makeup after dinner.”

He hides it pretty well, but you can still see the effect that comment has on him. He grunts inaudibly and his pants definitely tighten. You can picture it, too. On your knees, on the bed (his or yours, doesn't matter), your lipstick is smudged, your eyeliner and mascara streaming down your face. You fight every urge to just drag him back inside and fuck his brains out.

He opens the car door for you and you thank him sweetly. They weren't all bad before Ted, but Mark is different. He's confident, maybe cocky at times, but he's gentle with you and hasn't pushed you too far yet. And he respects you. You don't remember the last time you were respected like this.

“So, where are you taking me?” You ask as you put on your seatbelt. Mark doesn't miss the way the safety fabric cuts between your breasts and he clears his throat.

“Terrezanos.”

You gawk at him. “What? Mark, no, that place is way too expensive.”

“Yeah, well, I'm trying to impress you. Besides, you've always wanted to go there.”

You narrow your eyes. “How do you know?”

“I overheard you telling Gerry one day at the restaurant. If you really don't want to, we can go somewhere else-”

“No!” You laugh. “No, it's just…I don't know. Thanks, Mark.”

He flashes a quick glance between you and the road but when he sees your genuine face, it gives him pause.

“Of course. I want this to be special, you know?”

God, your heart flutters. How do you go from being a horny mess to love-struck in a matter of minutes?

The drive is short and you relish in the comfort of Mark's nice car. Leather seats that are warm, quiet wheels, clean smell. Better than any car you've been in lately. And when you pull up to the restaurant, you're absolutely blown away to see-

“Holy shit, they have valets!”

Mark smirks and parks in front of the restaurant. You unbuckle your seatbelt but Mark puts a hand on your arm to stop you.

“Hold on,” he says, then exits the car. You groan as he comes around to your side.

“Mark! Chivalry isn't dead but I'm starving!”

He opens the door for you and you take the waiting hand that helps you from the car. Mark hands his keys over to the valet with thanks. And as you walk in, a gentle hand hovers over your lower back. You feel like some sort of rich wife walking in for the monthly dinner with her husband.

The sudden and seemingly random imagery shakes you for a moment while Mark talks reservation and walks you to the table. You force yourself to remember that this is good fun. He's nice, he's sexy, he treats you well. You're gonna have a good night- a great night, maybe, as long as you get your head out of your ass.

Expensive wine. It's not your preferred and as soon as Mark sees your soured face that you did your best to hide, he orders a different glass.

You both order steak and you pick at a bread stick during the wait.

“Okay, you know too much about me,” you remark. Mark chuckles. “What about you?”

“Eh, what about me. I live at my job. I don't like running.”

“Family?”

“Mom upstate, dad passed a few years ago. Had a sister, but uh…”

Shit, you're stupid. You're a full fucking idiot. You're just trying to make small talk and here you are forgetting about one of the most tragic things you've ever heard.

“God, I'm so sorry, Mark. I completely forgot. You don't have to say anything else.”

“No, no it's fine. I don't ever really talk about her anymore.”

“Seriously, Mark, I understand.”

“But she deserves better than that. I think you woulda liked each other.”

You watch him for a moment silently, hands folded under your chin. Suddenly, he's disarmed.

“Tell me about her.”

And he does, and he lights up. Angela. Angel on earth. His best friend and only person he ever really trusted. Slaughtered by her ex boyfriend.

You wonder about her. How similar your bones are and the tethers that tie you. You'd seen the crime scene photos on the internet. How similar she looked to the photo on Mark's office shelf. She was the same person, after all.

You laugh through your dinner and start the flirting through dessert. You sigh.

“What's that?”

You shrug with a smile. “Can't decide if I don't want this to ever end or… If I want us to get out of here.”

You slip a foot out of its heel and slide it against his ankle, up his calf, and against his inner thigh. Mark inhales sharply and sets an elbow on the table a little too hard, shaking the glasses.

“You are playing a risky game.”

“Risky? I'm just looking for what was promised me.”

“Promised?”

“I'm collecting.”

“Say less.”

You don't even realize that Mark's going in the direction of his place (or what you assume is his place because it's in the opposite direction). You've got a hand ghosting up his leg and he's giving you the same treatment. If he weren't driving, you'd give him head right here, right now.

You both jump when a crackle comes from his police radio.

“Shit,” he mutters, tuning into the frequency.

“Dispatch, all available units to the factory off third…looks like another one.”

Mark nearly swerves off the road. You pull you hand back as your heart hammers in your chest.

“Jesus. What did he mean?”

Mark stares into the dark ahead, lips parted slightly in some intense thought.

“Another trap,” he breathes. “Fuck. I gotta get there. I'll drop you back at your place-”

“No, it'll be quicker for you to go straight to 3rd. I'll stay in the car. You need to do this, right? Catch this guy?”

Mark is fighting himself. Something within him wins and he nods, puts the car in reverse, and speeds to the factory. It's an old, abandoned place, something to do with manufacturing. But when you arrive, there's already ambulances, cop cars, and people, so many people. Mark practically throws himself out of the car and into the throngs. From your seat, you can barely overhear a conversation.

“You're not supposed to be here-”

“No one gave more to this case than me. Let me through.”

Another car pulls up beside you and two men step out, wearing windbreakers with “FBI” plastered on the back. Shit. Your hand moves instinctively to the handle as though there's anything you can do to help this situation.

You watch as Mark is now in a proper screaming match with someone. They aren't letting him through, and then you see a body being wheeled out on a stretcher. The blanket is pulled up too far. Whoever this poor bastard is, they're dead.

And then you spot the hand. The tattoos on the fingers. The ring you had bought him two Christmases ago.

You have no trouble now leaving the car. You stumble in your heels towards the back of the ambulance. Some notice you and go to grab you away but you avoid them. You only get close enough to confirm your suspicions before Mark has a hold of your wrist, then your arm, then all of you as you realize fully that Ted is on the stretcher before you, dead. A victim to the Jigsaw killer. Bringing you one step closer to a serial killer, and hundreds of miles away from anything ever making sense again.

[il3x]

callbringers ch14 (dropped today!!) spoilers

@thesternest liveblog rambles! i'm pretty much just saying this to you, might make separate posts out of the analysis points when the other readers catch up to them.

ASHELYN DISSOCIATION WINNN

Or loss, if you're Ashelyn.

ooh [kicking feet] i'm gonna have to picrew Ashe with her white hair streak soon!!

i love how she describes him jyhtsdfgyhjk. gonna start calling him "that terrible king"

ashelyn's nobility training coming back to prop up her masking :3 that's a neat detail, and it's gonna make her Losing Herself To The Mask/dissociation moments soooo much worse hehe. worm tangent, I suspect Lisa Wilbourn went through a similar thing with learning to school her expression as Sarah Livsey...

ASHEEEEEE😭😭😭 disconnect between emotions and body/actions, speedrun! magrias really is handcrafting her Issues as well as his own huh

oh magrias is SO fucking slimy. horrible bastard. terrible king indeed. god, that speech...

ough. can't say I'm surprised though

[me who's been daydreaming about an Ashelyn Gets Mind-Controlled Into Killing fic for a while] hmm...

YOU WERE RIGHT I DO LIKE THIS CHICK :DD < me when people are mean to my blorbos in compelling ways

also i would not be surprised if luan was experiencing taylor-esque passive suicidality, ngl. she's certainly Gone The Fuck Through It. anyways i respect the determination [tips hat]

back to ashe - I think the epithets she gives magrias in her inner monologue ("that tyrant", "that terrible king") are a way of reminding herself who he is and what he's done. staying focused on him as an enemy, while everything around her tries to convince her he's her leader. she needs this to centre herself and vent her anger, when she can't express her emotions or have her perceptions validated externally.

Oh, shit, wait - what was that Magnie song you sent me ages ago? Character prediction, the other Scholars working with Magrias will catalyse a crisis of faith for Magnie. I think she'll either leave the Scholars, or drastically change/reform them.

OUUUGGHH I LOVETHE ATTENDANTS PLAYS. loveeeee this. ashelyn channeling her (Reversed) Manipulation <33

"this was a much bigger picture than a few attendants and she could not let them burden her if she wanted to free her country" hm. storing this line. i don't think she's wrong for it but it could be the start of something.

you SLANDER my daughter??? you tell LIES and MISINTERPRETATIONS?? can't really blame you. but damn how did that one happen

Ohhh I Like This Girl

luan<3 storing for future analysis reference

I'M SORRY I-

OUGH FUCK THIS MUST HAVE STRUCK CHORDS WITH ASHE'S UPBRINGING. hold on imma grab the relevant quotes

ashelyn on "what it's like to be a noble":

GOD. FUCK. GOD. THIS IS WHY SHE'S SO COMPELLING. BEING MAGRIAS' PUPPET QUEEN IS THIS TURNED UP TO 200. ashelyn really is worm-esque in that she has the worst day of her life and it makes all the problems that lead up to it infinitely worse... anyways, yeah, bet she hates Aiven extra for that one.

[rubbing hands] is this the bastard we discussed? :3333

KILLING HIM KILLING HIM KILLING HIM

luckily, if he IS the bastard in question, I might have the honour of having (indirectly) orchestrated his demise already >:)

i love how you've done him BTW. there are already some juicy characterisation snippets which may lend themselves to analysis once I've seen more of him. like he totally fits the description of Bastard but you took that and elevated it and [chef's kiss].

[zonerz]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by da bestie @a-problematic-writer for this !!!!!

How many works do you have on ao3?

There's 14 atm!!!

What's your total AO3 word count?

Sitting at 569,356 rn :] thank u Answers LMAO 😭

What fandoms do you write for?

MCSM, Sonic, Kingdom Hearts, and anything that catches my fancy and eye in the meantime! Basically whatever! Also got some FF and Danganronpa peeking in :]

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Answers, Would You Like To Dance, MCSM Prompts/Drabbles, Demyx Drabbles oop-- 😳, Sonic and the Black Knight? More likeSonic and a Lot of Trauma

Do you respond to comments?

Yes all the time and all of them!!! I love interacting with readers and having conversations!!!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably the SatBK one LMAO sorry my beloved. Maybe I LIED HOW COULD I FORGET. ALVI. IT'S THIS ONE.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Im honestly not sure??? They all, despite having their angst, tend to end on some hopeful notes or some kinda resolution 🤔it's also kinda hard to judge tho bc a lot are just drabbles and little thought experiments for me :]

Do you get hate on fics?

I've had the pleasure of not yet encountering any!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not my thing! I can barely write two characters holding hands without feeling like a whore LMFAOOOOO

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not typically where I specialize!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of 😭👍

What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

ANSWERS. MY GOD. I've been working on Answers since December of 2018 and she's still going and gonna be 5 years old soon which is CRAZYYYYYY 😭😭😭 That said, I wouldn't have it any other way and I'm still very excited for it and the future of it as I'm FINALLY getting into some of the meat of it that's been on the docket since 2018 :]

As for shortest, I'm pretty capable of getting a fairly long drabble out in just a few hours, so that'd probably be the shortest time I have.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not on Ao3!

What's your all-time favorite ship? From all fandoms?

I can't easily pick one but I do feel like Sonic and Shadow's dynamic has like. rewired my brain LMAO

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

the Demyx Drabbles mentioned earlier. Mainly because they were a set of character explorations and a lot of my own ideas and thoughts have changed pretty drastically from when I started writing those, so I've lost the idea spark on that line of thinking. Im still COMPLETELY unwell about that little weirdo, but in a different flavor now

What are your writing strengths?

Character relationships, motives, and dialogue and maybe a bit of ilke??? Atmosphere????? I do my best to write it well at the very least!

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action sequences are always a fucking bitch bro 😭 same with like physical descriptions and scenery--I don't know if it comes across like that but I always put in extra effort and time to refine these aspects before putting something out because I want them to be the best I can make them at the time 👍

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm open to it but personally would like to have a little familiarity with the language and its nuances myself before attempting too much lest I fall into the trap of like. Google translate ruining shit 😭

First fandom you wrote for?

Sonic!

Favorite fic you've written?

Answers is VERY much my pride and joy rn :] to me it's more than just an MCSM fic/continuation, it is 100% a love letter to MC as a whole which was just huge to me growing up. I've completely thrown myself into all corners of it's world and lore as well as throw in fun little references from things I loved over the years and done my best to stir them all together in a way that feels naturally cohesive, fun, and semi-realistic in a way that doesn't like snap a reader out of their suspension of disbelief! I want it to be engaging and natural and overall just a fun experience :] 💖

I can't think of anyone to tag rn (brain so so empty) so if anyone wants to take a stab at this go ahead!!! :]

[albatmobile]

The Art of Rehabilitating Snowbirds Chapter 3

𓅪 After not hearing from Roy or Jason for five years, you suddenly find yourself taking in extra income as a babysitter for Roy and Jason's child.

𓅪 Rated: M | TW: addiction mention | 6.5k fem!Reader x Jason Todd x Roy Harper [masterlist]

Chapter Three: Work is Easy...| ao3 - wattpad

You show up two minutes after the set time even though you’ve been waiting in the parking lot for fifteen minutes. After calculating how long it'd take you to walk up, you decided on an inconspicuous four minutes before the expected time to start your trek up to their apartment.

Definitely not overthinking anything or overreacting in any way. You? No way. Not at all.

The building is as shitty as your freshman year college dorm with dulled, florescent-lit hallways, though you expect just as much, seeing as you pulled up to the slums of Gotham.

While some people are scattered about the hallways, no one seems to pay you much mind. It’s a relief because now you're free to worry in peace. Not to mention, the last thing you want to do is draw too much attention to yourself on this side of town.

Even though you’d grown up in the area, you can never be too cautious.

You know as soon as you reach the address that it’s theirs. The door is covered in gaudy shit like a flower wreath, complete with a sign that reads ‘Bless this Apartment’ with angels around it. 

You internally gag at the horrid decor and wonder if it truly is just Roy, Jason and a kid. What, do they have a minivan now, too, or something?

You check your clock to see that you’re right on time, so you send Damian a quick message to let him know you’ve arrived and take a deep breath.

Two minutes after your set time and you finally knock on the door.

You don’t have to wait long, seeing as the door opens immediately to reveal an unfamiliar yet familiar face.

God, it’s been so fucking long.

You choke down the random urge to cry and fight the other urge to hug the big-ass doofus in front of you. You have to play it cool.

“I was wondering how long you were gonna stand out there,” Roy says as he leans casually against the door frame. You can’t help but notice that his arms way more filled out than you remember. Even as a senior, Roy had muscles, but this? Even through the sleeves of his hoodie, you can see that this is a whole other level of strength.

You don’t understand what Damian meant about Roy's supposed addiction. His face still looks like a typical stoner. Aside from his overgrown stubble, you notice that his kind, gorgeous, light green eyes have changed the most drastically, though you can’t quite place why.

He seems to notice you eyeing him up because he noticeably begins rubbing at his arms. Well, arm, considering he only seems concerned with the right one by the looks of it.

It’s only then that you see the red, wretched-looking scars that reach out from underneath one of his long sleeves. You’re immediately smacked in the face with heat, feeling a blush of embarrassment fan across your cheeks. 

Damian had mentioned an addiction, but heroin?

You need to divert attention away from his arms and fast.

“I was just texting someone in case you were actually planning to kill me or some shit.” It's a complete lie, one that makes entirely no sense, but your brain is currently short-circuiting, trying to put new Roy and old Roy together. 

No matter what you do, you can't seem to make sense of the man in front of you.

“Still paranoid, princess?” Roy holds up his hands with a smirk. It’s then you notice that his right hand is black and metallic- just how exactly did you miss that? Roy swiftly shoves it behind his back and you politely continue on like you haven’t noticed.

It seems like you're going to be doing a lot of that today.

A lot has changed.

“No,” you shamefully admit, wishing your blush would fuck the fuck off. Not that Roy’s old nickname for you helped any.

"I’m still not scared of Damian, by the way, so I'm not sure what help he’d be.” Of course he’d know exactly who you'd been texting. “You wanna come in?” he says, removing his arm from the doorway to motion you inward.

Do you want to come in?

No.

You want to go home and crawl up in your bed and pretend like they hadn't even texted you in the first place.

But you're here.

You look into his eyes hesitantly before nodding. 

You're still trying to make sense of this whole thing and not be awkward at the same time, but you don’t know how when all you want to do is stare at your ex-friend until you memorize every part of his foreign body.

Wait, that sounds wrong. You start over.

You just want to run your hands through his fiery locks to make sure he still smells the same.

Okay, fuck it, you ditch your train of thought entirely before you start blushing again as you brush past him to go inside. You catch a whiff of whatever body wash he uses and are extremely disappointed in yourself when it leaves you dizzy upon contact. 

Okay, so he doesn't smell the same exactly, but it's still intoxicating, nonetheless.

“Alrighty then,” he laughs to himself as you continue to take everything in.

It’s completely domestic and you can't help but cringe when you see that the tacky decorations continue inside. 

There’s shit everywhere, including the remains of a pillow fort next to the tv in the living room. In the kitchen, you see the first real evidence of a child: crudely drawn drawings plastered over the cheap fridge.

You nearly miss the artwork, though, through the mess. You're quickly affronted by the sight of plastic plates practically falling out of the trashcan and a sink that’s seemingly disappeared under a pile of petrified dishes.

You gag silently and fight the urge to get on your hands and knees and clean everything in sight.

Roy seems to notice as he runs a sheepish hand through his stringy hair. “Yeah, not exactly the cleanest, but that hasn’t really changed now, has it?”

You nod, thinking back to all those times you had to organize his backpack so that he could find his notes. “I’m more surprised your cleaning habits rubbed off on Jason and not the other way around.”

You both smile at each other, basking in what you know. It’s a safe zone and safe is good. Especially right now when all you want to do is bolt.

You'd known Jason to be as much of a clean freak as you've always been, especially when it came to cooking.

Jason was the only one who never dared to comment on the cleanliness of your apartment the one time he and Roy came over to pick you up. It was a place not even Damian had been to. You were too embarrassed at the time when his house was a whole fucking manor in Bristol and yours was an empty, shitty apartment in The Bowery.

You remembered trying to clean it as best you could, but, just like Jason and Roy's apartment, it was a shithole to begin with, so cleaning only helped so much. Not like your parents were around enough to help out with chores, let alone much of anything else. 

"Yeah, well,” another sheepish grin from the redhead that leaves your stomach flipping, “full-time job and kid doesn't exactly leave time to clean.” He shrugs a bit. “Speaking of, let me go grab her.”

Ah, yes. The reason you're here in the first place.

While he's gone, you look around, noticing framed photos of a little girl, who you assume to be their kid, though there's not much else to go by. The place is technically decorated, yet it still feels somewhat impersonal.

Roy returns a few seconds later, hand-in-hand with a dark-haired little girl. Meanwhile, his right one remains concealed behind his giant back. “Lian, this is,” he pauses briefly after saying your name, “possibly your new babysitter?”

You crouch a bit, giving her a tiny wave, “It’s nice to meet you, Lian.”

She huddles further into Roy’s muscular side as she shies away from you.

Roy rubs at the back of his head with his prosthetic hand (arm? You couldn’t be sure with the long sleeves) while the other remains on Lian. “She takes a little while to warm up to new people,” he tries to assure you, so you nod, never having interacted with a child for this long before, anyway. You can't help but feel pained with how he refers to you. How are you new when he's the one who went M.I.A.? “Don’t get discouraged.”

You don't have to worry there, Roy, you think humorlessly. After all, you should be used to it by now with them.

“It’s all good,” you say instead of voicing your actual thoughts, giving Lian a thumbs up as you stand back up. “I’m shy sometimes, too,” you admit, causing the girl to meet your eyes for the first time.

Roy clears a seat for you on the couch next to him and Lian. You end up sitting on one side of Roy while she clings to his other side.

The close proximity is enough to leave you gasping for air.

This is too casual. Way too casual for what happened.

“So, you never answered my question from the other night,” his eyebrows wiggle up and down playfully as he speaks.

“Couldn’t hardly recognize your voice, dipshi- oot.” You barely manage to catch yourself from cursing in front of Lian, who keeps peeking out around Roy’s bicep to get a better look at you.

You give her a tiny smile, but instead of smiling back, she just seeks cover behind her dad again. You wish she'd stop because all it does is draw your attention to those sinful, rippling muscles and once you're looking, it's hard to force your attention away.

“She doesn’t bite, right?” he teases your name, inadvertently causing you to shiver. “Maybe not the right reassurance.” He throws a quick wink your way.

You roll your eyes before you can stop yourself. “One-track mind still in full effect, I see.”

Had he seen you checking him out? Oh, god, please say no.

He laughs mirthfully, “You’ve always been fun to tease. Can you blame me?”

“Excuse me,” you and Roy turn to Lian, who speaks up suddenly.

“What’s up, kid?” Roy asks, giving her a pat on her little head.

“I can braid.” She nods your way shyly.

Roy smirks at you. “Oh, yeah. She’s really into braiding right now,” he says, pointing to the little braid underneath the rest of his hair to further his statement.

Lian nods, confirming this before speaking further, “Your hair is prettier than my dad’s.”

“Okay,” you say as you hesitantly run your fingers through your hair. 

You don't really want a kid to rip it out after you’ve carefully taken the time to dry it properly after your shower earlier. You want to make a good impression ultimately wins out, though and you slip to the floor in front of Lian to offer her your hair by turning and placing it on her lap.

She gently takes your hair and runs her fingers through it a few times. “You smell nice.”

It’s the only warning you get before she’s off, wrestling at the hair she's sectioned off.

“Wow, you’ve got a strong grip there,” you say through gritted teeth as she makes a particularly hard tug.

“She’s very strong, right, Lian?” Roy throws slow, fake punches around her that she dodges with ease.

“I have super ninja strength, probably,” she says as she continues to torment your scalp.

“I can tell.  Superman would totally be jealous.” You face your head up a bit more so she can see your smirk.

She laughs as she quickly pushes your face back down. “I love Superman and Superboy.”

Kids always like Superman, you internally roll your eyes, but everyone who’s anyone knows that Batman is where it's at.

“They’re alright." You aren’t about to go on a comic book rant to a four-year-old. You hear Roy snort from next to Lian on the couch, but you don’t dare mess up whatever progress she’s made on the braid for fear of having your face pushed down again. “Do you like Batman?” You feel the girl shrug, but you gasp, turning dramatically, “What?!”

“I like Superboy a lot.” She looks at you expectantly.

You turn around to shoot Roy a dirty glance. “This is sacrilege.”

“Glad to know you’re still a nerd,” he sighs with fake exasperation.

You wave him off as your face is pushed down and forced frontward once again by an impatient Lian.

“Stay still.”

You apologize and get back into braiding position with your back pressed up against the couch

“So, are you taking classes?” Roy shifts over more so you can see him without punishment for moving from Lian. He’s counting on his fingers. “You’re 19, right? Sophomore?”

“You’ve been gone for too long.” It’s the first time either of you admits it out loud, but it’s true. The last time you saw him was when you were 15. “No, not a sophomore. Yes, 19, but I'm turning 20 in a few months,” you clarify for seemingly no reason, though you both know exactly why you've said it.

“I hardly doubt you skipped out on college.”

You can tell he's trying to piece everything together, so you help him out by further elaborating.

“You already said it,” you sigh, suddenly feeling the weight of this meeting again. “This nerd took all AP courses Junior and Senior year, so I only went to college for one year.”

Roy’s eyes widen at this piece of information. “You already graduated college?”

“Not like I had the money to stick around much longer than that,” you glance away from him with embarrassment, "you know, even with the scholarships and all."

Jason and Roy had both grown up around wealth, not that you're able to tell from their tacky apartment now, but what they had available to them back then is still nothing you’ve ever experienced.

“Pesky student loans,” he says as he tries to lighten the mood, but your stomach is already feeling sick with anxiety now that you've dug into the taboo topic.

Luckily, the conversation gets cut short before either of you can make further fools of yourselves.

The door opens suddenly and shuts quietly as Jason slips in without glancing up. 

You and Roy are both silent as Jason comes in and doesn’t seem to notice you or, more likely, doesn’t want to. 

You watch his movements out of the corner of your eyes from where you sit on the floor. If he's going to ignore you, you definitely have no trouble doing the same. This is how you and Jason end up staring in each other’s general direction with crossed arms, refusing to actually look at each other.

Roy, per usual, breaks up the tension with his shit-singing. “Ah, yes,” he teases with his signature smirk, “reunited and it feels so good.”

“Hardly,” you insist with a roll of your eyes.

It's a lie, you know that much, but not one you're willing to let them in on.

Lian tugs your head back with strength you're pretty sure no four-something-year-old should have, effectively startling you out of the moment. “The braid,” is all she says and you nod while you lean back further to try and give her a better angle.

“You still have that scar.” It’s a simple, somewhat off-handed thing to say in all the awkwardness, yet completely how you remembered Jason. It would be the first thing he mentions, seeing as he'd spent years lamenting over how you got it in the first place.

“Yeah, it’s a scar,” you state, obviously not really wanting to get into the encounter that had just recently stopped haunting your dreams. “You'd know all about that, though.” You glance up at his somewhat familiar scars scattered across his cheekbones. It’s too much for you to reminisce, so you change the subject before you can ask yourself why you even want the conversation to continue. “Guess I missed the protein shake diet memo?”

As many elephants as there are in this tiny apartment, one of the smaller ones seemed to be that both Jason and Roy had god-like, insane-looking muscles. You can only imagine what's going on under those clothes, though- NO! No, not doing this, you steel yourself.

Focus.

It’s then that you notice all the to-go containers lying around. “I’m surprised Jason doesn’t cook for you.”

The raven-haired man shrugs and gestures to Roy and Lian, who are sitting on the couch. "It's Hard to cook when you have a loving boyfriend and child.”

You scrunch up your nose and don’t realize you have before it’s too late. You blame it on it being hard to see just how much has changed. Well, supposedly, you remind yourself. You still can’t bring yourself to buy this whole lovey-dovey little story they're putting down.

“We were just talking about what she’s been up to,” Roy supplements into the awkward silence that's settled across the room.

You and Jason have always been like oil and vinegar. They may taste pretty good together, but they don’t and never will, mix.

In the past, you were always at odds and ends with each other, always on each other’s nerves, always testing each other, always pushing each other's limits. You remember now, in this moment, just how exhausting and thrilling it was. 

You're only getting a little taste of it now and you can’t deny a part of you yearns for more of him.

“College, right?” Jason settles into the couch beside Roy with careful steps as he gets closer to you. It's as if he’s scared he’ll startle you off. Or maybe he's too disgusted to be near you. You can’t quite tell after his dramatic entrance.

“I graduated last year,” you fill him in on the AP’s you took after both of them vanished into thin air. “I work freelance programming now, so that’s pretty much it.”

Now on to where the fuck you guys have been, you think to yourself. You glance up at Jason out of the corner of your eyes, watching as he reaches over to ruffle Lian’s hair with familiar ease.

You know the fucker can see you staring, but you don’t care. It almost becomes a challenge to see if he'll meet you head-on.

He does.

Predictable, you think with a barely concealed smirk as you meet his bright green eyes for the first time in years. The smirk quickly falters, though and it becomes difficult to swallow as you feel your anxiety jam itself heavily into your throat at the shared eye contact.

Aside from the sounds coming from Lian’s frustration with your hair, it's completely silent as you take each other in.

“I know we both owe you some kind of explanation.”

It's weird seeing how Roy now seems to be the voice of reason throughout this whole ordeal when it always used to be Jason or you.

Things really have changed.

It's just like you've silently feared, making it harder to distance yourself from them. Even though you aren’t sure if distancing yourself is even what you want, you can't deny that you'd come running as soon as they came knocking.

“You think?” you butt in. “My friends just disappear for years and now you’re some ripped gay fucks who need me to look after your child?” You can't help but get up to pace around, unable to hold in your doubts any longer. “Look, I don’t even believe this shit. You,” you say, abruptly turning to Roy, “were banging multiple chicks a night for the entire year I knew you and you,” you don’t even bother pointing or looking at Jason directly and instead focus on the ceiling, “were so busy being an angst king to even want to fuck anyone.”

“That’s not even true,” Jason huffs, crossing his arms. “I’m not an angst king.” His mouth downturns a bit, only further proving his angstiness.

Instead of being offended, Roy just smirks. “What, you want to see us make out that bad or something? Some kinky shit there,” he says your last name. “I’m surprised," he says, though doesn't actually sound surprised, "you used to be such a goody-two-shoes.”

You think back to all the nights you snuck off to smoke pot with them in the manor, skipped class, or even to the shit you didn’t necessarily remember, like your first high school party.

“That’s not exactly how I remember it, but okay.”

You cross your arms again when you feel Jason’s stare on you, not that you'd actually know since you haven’t looked in his direction since the unofficial staring contest ended.

Roy shrugs and wastes no time in covering Jason's body with his own. Jason scoffs but pulls him in for an exaggerated, wet kiss nonetheless.

You're so busy staring at your two ex-friends going at each other’s mouths that you don’t notice Lian sidle up next to you on the floor. She pulls on your leggings, forcing your eyes away from something that you admittedly don’t want to as their sloppy sounds become louder with each passing moment.

You're confused enough as it is, but now you're left blushing like a virgin over them making out.

You forget, once again, that Lian is next to you until her quiet whisper reaches your ears, “Family.”

It’s almost too rehearsed. Your eyebrows shoot up inadvertently at the little girl.

Standing there with your half-braided hair, you've seen enough.

“Okay, enough, fuck- shoot.” You quickly look at Lian and then at her apparent dads. “You see this?” You motion around exasperatedly at the gaudy fucking decorations, to the horndogs on the couch, then finally to the little girl beside you. “This isn’t going to work.”

They look dejected as they wipe away the trail of saliva stringing from their mouths. It may be harsh, but they need to know the truth.

You haven’t talked to them in years, you're shit with kids and this is an uncomfortable position to be put in when you can’t deny your old feelings for them are very much coming back. Aggressively. It had already caused enough strain on your relationship the one year you'd hung out with them, but now? As adults? This shit is even messier. Throw a kid into the mix and you've got yourself a certified fucking shit show.

Nope, no thanks.

“You’re a freelance programmer,” Jason says your name, causing your heart to jump uncomfortably. “Think of it as working two jobs in one.”

Always one to get back to business.

“Just a business deal?” The hell is your life coming to? How does this make the situation any different? You think of the cash and how you struggle to pay rent, let alone all of your other bills. “After all these years of me complaining about how annoying these cretins are, why would you even choose me to babysit in the first place?”

The unanswered question of why you haven’t talked for over five years hangs heavy in the room.

The unanswered question ends up getting answered by Jason, no less, in ever the unhelpful manner. He looks dead at you and taunts you, “Pick me, choose me.”

You can't help but gasp.

Seriously? The fucking audacity. And how is this not further proving his angst-king nature?

You flip him off and face Roy after, once again, crossing your arms.

Roy has the decency to look somewhat abashed for his supposed boyfriend.

“What?” He runs a hand through his long, greasy hair, though all you can focus on is how his forearms flex and bulge in the process. “We’ve known you forever.” He looks up as if thinking of the points on the spot. “You’ll cook her actual food,” he points out with raised eyebrows, seemingly impressed that he managed to weave your earlier point into his argument.

“And you know self-defense,” Jason adds helpfully for once.

Roy snaps his fingers. “Right, that. Plus, we miss you.” Roy looks over to Jason, who ducks his head in response. “Both of us.”

“And you’re a people pleaser too, so,” Jason ends his sentence as if it’s obvious you’ll say yes, which annoys the shit out of you because you don't want to say yes.

He's changed physically, yet, underneath it all, he's still the same annoying, presumptuous asshole you've always known.

Great.

Then there's Roy, staring you down after all these years whilst giving you with his iconic green puppy dog eyes. All the while, Lian tugs your head back in an attempt to finish her braid.

Meanwhile, Jason's still brooding as ever, refusing to give you any sort of clue as to what he's actually thinking.

Just like old times.

Well, you think back to Lian, almost.

You sigh and then look at both of them. What the fuck are you doing?

“Weekly pay, you stingy whores.” You stare down at your unpainted nails while the two of them glance at each other. “When do you need me to start?”

•••

Turns out they need someone the next day and you return just in time to see Jason heading out.

“Roy said you were coming.” Jason nods in your direction from where he stands in the kitchen. It appears he's still refusing to make eye contact with you.  

Whatever.

“Yup,” you answer the obvious as you plop your shit down onto the cluttered kitchen counter.

“She hasn’t eaten yet. She’ll probably want Chinese food or pizza, so,” Jason says before awkwardly sliding $40 across the counter.

“I can just cook.” 

He looks at you now like he's also being flooded with memories of the times you’d cooked together. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to look at you. Maybe it’s just as painful for them to see you again as it is for you to see them.

He clears his throat as he looks away to the fridge. “It's probably not what you're used to me having.” Jason, well, the manor, always had every single ingredient anyone could ever need to cook any type of meal and then some.

You walk to his side of the counter to open it up, only to be met by packs of beer, packets of ketchup and a few cracked eggs.

“Do you have flour and butter?”

In response, he opens a cabinet to reveal a shit ton of spices. At least you won’t have to worry on that front.

“We have Wonderbread and olive oil,” he lists off as he searches around a bit more. From the top cupboard, you’re able to see syrup.

“I can make something with that.” You point to the top shelf he was rifling through.

He nods and brings down the pancake syrup for you to use. He obviously remembers that you wouldn’t be able to reach on your own without having to climb on the counters like you used to do during your cooking sessions at the manor.

You reminisce fondly, remembering how your days in the kitchen with Jason always made Damian upset. It was supposedly because 'you wouldn’t paint with him,' but you know it's just because he couldn't (and still can't, for that matter) cook for shit. Plus, you're a woman of many talents and sometimes a bitch just wants a fresh scone, okay?

You'd never admit it out loud, but Jason’s recipe always turned out better than your own and you've been craving them since the last time you saw him.

“I’m still leaving the money in case you want to order groceries or something." You can't help but feel the awkwardness lingering between the two of you. He taps at the counter a bit before grabbing his keys. “Lian’s watching a movie in our room right now.” Somehow, you keep forgetting they're dating. Part of you wants to doubt it still but after the kiss, you're pretty sure it's all real. “I’ve gotta head out, though. Roy’s waiting.”

You smile a bit, but it feels fake even to you. “Have a good shift, I guess?”

“Sure,” Jason huffs somewhat amusedly as he unlocks the front door. “Our numbers are on the fridge if you need anything, but you might want to call the other fuckers on there if we’re not responding.”

Other fuckers? 

You give a thumbs up as he locks the door behind himself. You go to the fridge to see Dick, Tim and Barbara’s numbers splayed across a page that Lian clearly wrote in crayon. Well, you remind yourself, it could also easily be Roy’s shitty ass handwriting. You think back to all the assignments you’d helped him with and how his handwriting basically made it impossible for you to use any of the notes- if he’d even bothered to take any anyway.

You look around at the mess, really wanting to clean it up, but decide to say greet Lian first.

“Hey,” you say as you awkwardly stand in the doorway, not wanting to intrude on her parents’ private space. “What’s up?” She gives you a shy look, so you try again. “What movie are you watching?” She hesitantly maneuvers the screen so you can see a Spider-Man cartoon playing. “You know, I once thought I saw Spider-Man,” you start, nodding seriously when she shoots you a skeptical gaze. “Yup, he was swinging around right in this neighborhood!”

She sits up straighter as she listens to you. “Nuh-uh,” she shook her head and set the iPad down, “he’s from New York.”

You smile, impressed she knows that piece of information. Jason's going to be so pissed you're making his daughter into exactly what he called you- a certified nerd. 

“Lian,” you say seriously. “I saw string and someone swinging on it, so you tell me.”

Her mouth gapes open. “No way.”

You nod, pointing to her screen where the webbed hero is swinging from building to building. “Just like that.”

“Wow.” Her voice sounds monotonous, but her face looks up at you like you've just told her she can eat candy for every meal forever.

You switch the topic. “Are you hungry?” She gives you so-so hands. “Want to come shopping with me?” She nods a bit, so you motion for her to follow you into the main room, where the kitchen and living room are. “Where are your shoes?” Without a word, she disappears and returns with light-up Superman sneakers. Of course.

“Do you need help?” You gesture to her shoes, but she shakes her head 'no' and plops down to put them on. While she fusses with the Velcro, you pick up a majority of the trash in the kitchen before grabbing the one from the full trash can to throw away when you leave.

Lian hops up from behind you and grabs a tiny purse from one of the bar stools tucked into the very same island that you and Jason had used to avoid each other earlier. “Ready.”

You grab the money off the counter and take off.

You used to go to the grocery store that’s a block away from their apartment all the time, so you forego the car and walk hand-in-hand with Lian down the street.

You grab a couple of essentials before heading out of the shop with three bags worth of groceries and less than a dollar in change. This might not have been the best idea, though, as you now realize that both your arms are completely filled and completely useless to defend you or Lian with. The sun is still out, you note gratefully, albeit just barely, though.

You hesitate to leave the safety of the store, then remember the intense self-defense training the Wayne's had put you through after that one incident… You can't help but shudder at the memory.

“Stay close to me,” you tell Lian, who tries to reach for one of your hands, but it’s too much to hold both bags and her hand at the same time. “I can’t hold your hand, but you can hold my leggings.” You stick your leg outward towards her and she picks up the cue to grab at the material of your pants like she'd done earlier.

You get back safe, but you definitely now understand why Jason had said grocery delivery. It isn’t safe for you to be walking alone around this neighborhood, especially with their kid, you admonish yourself. The only real thing stopping you from doing so is how expensive grocery delivery is.

For now, though, you have dinner at least.

You finish putting away the groceries while Lian sits on the couch, humming along to the Spider-Man theme song.

“You want tacos, chicken parm, or French toast?” you tack on the last option after you remember Jason pulling down the syrup for you.

“Chicken.”

“That’s Italian,” you clarify, just to be sure. You know kids can be picky fucks and don’t want to have to cook twice. Also, because you definitely want to appease this sweet little girl. “Is that okay?”

“Mhm,” she says, wiggling her feet that are sticking off the couch.

Cute.

You realize quickly enough that all the utensils you need are somewhere within the piles, yes, plural, of dishes in and around the sink, so you start washing.

After the first round of dishes had been cleared into the dishwasher, you hand wash and towel dry the rest as you needed most of it to cook with.

You sigh. It's already been half an hour and you haven’t even started. “You still okay?” you call out.

“Yeah?” She looks at you like you told a weird joke. 

Your parents had never been around to do anything close to this, so this whole caregiver role is completely foreign territory for you.

You nod, figuring you can at least wipe down the newly cleared counters and sink before starting to cook. “Would you want to help me?” You feel her rather than hear her, reminding you of Damian’s ninja-ass, when she comes to stand beside you. “We’re going to start the pasta water and then bread the chicken, okay?”

She nods like she’s done it so many times before, even though she seems to have no prior cooking experience.

You fall into companionable silence as Spider-Man drones on from the iPad behind the two of you. Occasionally you have to help her, but for the most part, she does a really good job on her own. You stick the chicken you fried into a pan and dump vodka sauce across them, adding fresh mozzarella on top before sticking it in the oven.

You hold up Lian so she can dump the pasta into the boiling water and salt it, then set her back down so she can return to the couch.

“I’m hungry,” she complains, rubbing petulantly at her stomach as she sits down.

Yours grumbles back in response as you clean up the kitchen again. This time, from your mess. “Should be done here soon,” you reassure her.

When it’s finally ready moments later, Lian digs in wholeheartedly. “Are you a chef? Do you have a restaurant?”

You laugh and begin eating, too, “No, just love to cook.”

“I want to cook just like you,” she stares at you with pure determination and a mouth full of pasta.

You wink at her, wiping her messy, sauce-ridden mouth with a Halloween napkin you’d found in one of the kitchen drawers. “I’ll teach you, then.” You twirl a bite into your fork. “Your dad can cook, too.” She wrinkles her nose quickly. “Not Roy,” you laugh, but she just looks at you with confusion. “Your other dad?”

She just shakes her head in confusion.

Okay…

Doubt sets in again that Roy and Jason aren't actually together. 

Sure, they may have made out with each other, but you're pretty sure you'd remembered seeing them do that before, though you couldn't be quite sure with how wasted you'd been.

The rest of the night goes by in a blur of princess dresses and Lian forcing her Ariel makeup palette onto your face. You don’t even want to know what your face looks like after her purple eyeshadow and bright red lipstick assault, but it’s probably for the best.

It’s during your princess tea party, technically apple juice party, that she begins to nod off. You claim you’re also tired, which is enough for her to slip down from her seat.

Works for you, you shrug as you help her prepare for bed by washing off her makeup and helping her brush her teeth. You tuck her into bed a few minutes later, but her tiny arm shoots out from under her Superman sheets, effectively stopping you from leaving her tiny room.

“My daddy reads to me.”

Dad. Singular.

You squint your eyes a bit at the information but file it away for later.

You pick up the closest book you can find while she wiggles to get comfortable under Superman's laser beams on her blanket and sit on the floor beside her bed to read the first page of Goodnight Moon. You continue reading to her until, eventually, her breathing evens out and soft snores begin to fill the room.

You quietly get up from the floor, trying not to disturb Lian as you put away the book and turn out the lights. 

Once the door is clicked shut behind you, you grab your bag from the kitchen counter that has your laptop in it and make off toward the living room to finish your most recent gig. If there's ever a time to get shit done, it's now.

You try to clear off a spot on the couch, but the whole room is a complete disaster after your play session with Lian. You remind yourself that it wasn’t exactly the cleanest to begin with, though, as you sigh and get up to straighten up the mess.

Once done, you sit back down to work only to immediately have to use the bathroom. Which is, you remind yourself sadly as you walk back in, just as messy as the living room and kitchen had been. You sigh even bigger this time as you set to work, scrubbing at the built-up grime. This whole fucking apartment is going to be clean by the time you're gone, so help you god. You'll finish cleaning even if- you yawn, disrupting your thoughts- it kills you... You yawn again, this time deep enough to bring tears to both of your aching eyes.

You don’t even notice your eyes becoming heavier and heavier with each movement until you find your head pressed gently against someone’s delicious-smelling towel.

Just a little break before work and then you'll be good to go. You nod at your logic, curling back into what your sleep-hazed mind convinces you is a blanket.

“God DAMN!” You wake with a start at the deep voice reverberating throughout the apartment, followed by a quick ‘shush.’

You feel drool on the towel you were apparently spooning and cringe. 

You’re still in the process of coming to when you catch a bright glint of red limping around the living room and hear more grunts of pain. You’re more awake now and about to get up when you hear Roy’s familiar voice telling whoever’s groaning to shut up. 

You smile sleepily at his voice as you close your eyes again. You snuggle back up into the woodsy-smelling towel and fall into a dreamless sleep until you hear Roy’s voice again. This time, though, it sounds as if he's right next to you.

He stinks.

You wrinkle your nose at his offending scent, leaving him laugh lightly. “Go back to sleep, princess,” you smack him lightly on account of the old nickname as he picks you up, but soon you’re snoring again.

You wake up a few hours later on the completely cleared-off couch (thanks to you, you might add) with a blanket laid on top of you and a nearly missed deadline. You look around the room with bleary eyes to find Roy and Jason eating leftovers in the kitchen.

As if knowing you’re awake, Roy cheers his fork in your direction. “Still as good a chef as ever.”

You yawn and rub the sleep from your eyes, realizing too late the makeup escapade Lian had done on your face earlier still remains. 

“The fuck do you guys do for work again?” you manage with a groggy voice while opening your computer to finish your assignment for the week. Said week ending in T-minus 24 hours.

You begrudgingly realize that you’re going to have to pull an all-nighter, sending your mind reeling back to the days of Tim, studying and the inordinate amount of coffee that man could drink. 

“Freelance,” Jason tones monotonously.

You don’t even realize you stay there the whole day until Jason and Roy are already headed out the door again and Lian is up and begging for breakfast.

This really better not become a habit. 

A/N: I hope ur enjoying! i respond to every comment <33 this fic has been a labor of love fr

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[razrbladekiss]

Tyrants | Chapter One - Disclosure

A/N: This was supposed to be a Jax x Fem!OC fanfic, but it took a little turn as I started to write more of it. So, it’ll be Tig x Fem!OC, but Jax does play a very important role in this.

SUMMARY: A sick turn of events sees Isla Telford thrown in at the deep end, battling to govern the sudden pressures of all that her father's club decidedly bestow upon her.

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

WARNINGS: Brief mentions of murder, the guy that got his ass shit is in this one. Jax and Tig get their own warnings, too, for obvious reasons.

The older I get, the more I realize that age doesn't bring wisdom. It only brings weary.

John Teller was always so astute.

His judicious character befell his son, too. Jax had that same perceptive nature as his old man--everyone would comment on that.

To Isla, it was admirable. For Jackson Teller to be a man of such stature--to hold such a reputation--and to remain somewhat level-headed through it all, was only something she could commend.

She'd seen many of her father's friends crumble under the pressure of Samcro, unable to balance the weight of living with the responsibility and commitment to the club, and meet their unfortunate demise--in some not-so extreme cases.

But Jax was different. He'd always been different.

Maybe that wasn't so great, however.

"You're fucking insane, Isla."

"Not insane." She mumbled, sifting through the box of shitty medical supplies that Gemma had left atop the pool table last night.

"Just trying to patch this shit up so Hayes doesn't kick the fucking bucket before Jax gets back here."

Tig snarled. "But it might be infected, and the bullet is still in this dude's ass--"

Isla whipped her head to glare at the man, her eyes wide, forehead slick with sweat--and a little blood, too.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Isla--"

"Tig, with all due respect, unless you're gonna help, please get the fuck outta here."

"That's not gonna suffice," he pointed out, referring to the medical tape, ignoring her scolding.

She wanted to throttle him. Truly, Isla was willing to wrap her crimson-coated fingertips around Tig's neck and squeeze the absolute life out of that man.

"I know." Her lips kneaded together in frustration, watching her father dab an alcohol-infused pad on the wound. "But unless you've got any better ideas, then we're just gonna have to keep reapplying this shit."

"But the infection, Isla."

"But the lack of medical equipment, Tig."

He slapped his palm against the table and glared at her, pointedly. "Why've you gotta be such a bitch all the time, huh?"

"Watch it, Trager." Piqued, Chibs growled.

"I'm not a bitch all the time," she dismissed her father, wiping at her palm with a wet rag. "I'm actually able to control the way I act around other people."

"Oh, fuck you--"

"Christ!"

The Scot's yell was muffled by the cap of his whiskey bottle, his hand pressing against Cameron's skin as the man screamed into the cloth Isla had placed underneath his head.

"God, for fucks sake, both of you just pack it in."

"Chibs--"

"Shut the fuck up. You're a fucking geriatric and you're spending your morning bickering with an almost thirty-year-old. Grow up, Tig."

Despite laughing at his comment, and enjoying the irritation wash over the other man's face, she felt bad.

For riling her father up--who was simply trying to help the innocent Irishman caught in the literal crossfire--she felt fucking awful. Especially because he never seemed to get mad at her all too often.

Tig, though...That was a different story entirely.

"I'm gonna go see if Clay has any more shit lying 'round here." She declared, throwing a damp towel onto the table, backing out of the room.

Her heart was in her throat, stomach in damn knots. Isla wasn't confident that Cameron was going to make it--not with such a deep wound.

And in his ass, too? Jesus. She wasn't confident at all.

Of course, she'd seen men get shot. Her own father, for one. But she hadn't seen somebody have to go so long without actual medical attention.

Chibs was ex-army med, but there was only so much a man could've done with a bottle of liquor, gauze, and a towel.

She was relieved that the bullet hit Cameron and not Clay, though. As sick as it sounded, she was so fucking glad that he'd managed to dodge the line of fire--initially intended for his own skull--and come out completely unscathed.

But for every ounce of relief she'd felt, an even more fervid sense of anger prevailed at the thought of Jax taking so damn long with those medical supplies he'd sought to get last night.

Gemma mentioned something about heading to the hospital--or a friend's house, or something--but Isla wasn't paying any mind to the woman as she, and Chibs, were trying all ways to stop the bleeding coming from Cameron's ass cheek.

It was the most bizarre turn of events she'd ever experienced.

One minute, Isla was sipping on a glass of wine while she eagerly awaited the spirited ping of her tiny microwave oven, ready to spend a rare--though well fucking deserved--night alone.

However, things took a drastic turn when she received a call from Tig--on behalf of a very busy Chibs--casually requesting her assistance because the Mayans had tried to assassinate Clay.

But Tig failed to mention that the man was completely fine.

She'd spent fifteen minutes on the way over mentally preparing herself, wondering what hell she'd walk into when she set foot into the clubhouse. But it was normal--strangely so.

Isla wasn't a professional, she didn't exactly know how to handle such a trauma, but she trusted her father and she just wanted to make sure he had a helping hand.

God knows that Tig wouldn't have been very much use, and Juice was a little nervous--though, he was doing incredibly well throughout the ordeal regardless of his internal apprehension.

"How's it looking?" Gemma threw at Isla, getting to her feet.

"Bloody."

She quickly scanned the room, taking in the uncomfortably sparse bar. It wasn't usually so empty, so quiet.

Clay, Gemma, and Juice. That was it. Not even Piney--not even Epps.

"Is he doing okay?"

It was still early in the day, though. She guessed that they'd pop in once they properly came around.

"He's better than he was last night." The brunette nodded. "Dad is certain the laceration is gonna get infected if we leave it any longer without trying to get the bullet out--"

"You've gotta wait 'til Jax gets back here, Isla, we can't risk Hayes dying on us."

"I know, Clay. He's just fucking tired--he's been up all night. We need a real medic on the scene before something bad happens. It's only a matter of time."

He mumbled something to himself that only Gemma seemed to catch, but Isla didn't particularly give a damn at that point. Like Chibs, she was exhausted.

The tattered and torn plaid shirt she had thrown over a random tank top--now smeared with another man's blood--was wrenched between her fingers as she pulled it off, folding it not-so-neatly.

She hadn't dealt with such a bloody wound in a while. Not since her mother's palm, decorated with shards of glass, was in dire need of stitches and her father was across the country, unable to offer his medical assistance.

"I'll grab one of Jax's shirts for you--"

"No, Gemma, it's okay," she smiled, taking a seat on one of the couches opposite her.

The older woman pinched her eyebrows together skeptically, watching Isla shift. "I insist."

"It's fine." Isla was adamant. "I'm gonna head home as soon as Jax gets back here--if he gets back here--so, really, it's fine."

A minimal amount of already dried blood was spread over her wrists and fingers, and the excess had been rubbed off on her crimson flannel, so she didn't particularly feel bad about making any mess.

Though, she shouldn't have felt bad. Not after she'd been coerced into helping and eventually receiving that shitty reception from Tig.

"Aren't you cold?" She questioned, waiting for Isla to capitulate, but she never did.

The thought of wearing one of Jax's shirts--after it being given to her by his fucking mother--didn't sit right with her for some reason. Plus, she didn't particularly feel like walking out of that building wearing the damn reaper on her back.

She didn't want to flaunt their patch. Not any more than she already had been for the last ten years.

"Where the fuck is he?"

Clay glared at the clock on the wall, realizing they'd been without the Vice President for hours. In an attempt to put him at ease, Gemma ran a hand along his shoulder.

Isla could only watch them--admire, perhaps.

"He told us he was gonna swing by Tara's place for the equipment. But that was last night, man." Juice shrugged, circling the lip of his beer bottle with his thumb.

She felt her throat thicken with a sick sense of trepidation. She hadn't heard that name in years.

"Tara?" She stuttered, feeling Gemma's piercing glare.

The woman hated Jax's first love, though she never said it aloud. Isla knew her perception of her, however, and she'd started to feel the exact same as the years went on.

Bitch.

"Yeah, y'know, Tara Knowles--"

Her heart sank--fuck that, it dove straight to the deep caverns of her chest, throbbing away into nothing. Until she felt completely void of all emotion. Completely fucking numb.

"I know her, Juice." Her response came hastily, snappy. "I'm sorry. I just didn't expect you to say that."

He shrugged it off. "It's alright. I wasn't expecting her to be back in town, either. I thought you already knew."

Suddenly uncomfortable, Isla's head shook.

The crow situated at the bottom of her spine began to smolder, blistering away at her skin until she physically flinched.

It was a brilliant idea at the time, getting a matching tattoo with Jax's old lady--the one woman she truly adored and trusted, never once feeling an ounce of malice toward.

Because that was a rare thing for Isla, and she wanted their friendship--and relation to Samcro--to prevail for eternity, she supposed.

But as time went on and Tara decided to distance, and eventually alienate, herself from the club, an ample sense of regret persisted for fucking months.

Isla loathed her ink. She hated the negative connotation of the crow she once lauded, and the mere idea of that thing being slapped above her ass forever churned her stomach.

It wasn't one of her finest moments, she had to admit. But she was young and extremely fucking dumb. She'd bet top dollar that Tara felt the same--if she hadn't gotten the crow covered up already.

"Jesus, Jax, where were you?!"

Her eyes flicked upward, attention on the blonde as he sauntered across the wooden floor of the bar.

She hadn't even noticed his presence until Clay spoke, but she soon started to heed how Jax was trembling a bit with every step that he took.

It wasn't obvious. To most people, the slight shake of his wrist would've gone completely unnoticed. But to Isla--to the most observant woman in Charming--his discomfort was striking.

Jax ignored him, stomping his way toward the back room. His line of sight never satisfied Isla's. It didn't even come close to it, either.

Something had happened. It was obvious that, in the time he had been with Tara, he'd encountered something grizzly enough to chill him to the bone.

Which was saying something, what with the horrific shit that he'd already seen in his time.

"Jax!" Clay yelled, following closely behind him. "Hey, asshole, where the fuck did you put the bag--"

"I've got it."

If she had the option, Isla would've allowed the floor to swallow her fucking whole.

"Tara." Pissed, Gemma acknowledged. "You're here because?"

"I asked her to help, mom."

"But Chibs had it covered. He just needed some actual instruments--"

"Gemma, quit it."

She simply nodded at her son, not wanting to cause another problem that she'd have to fix later--which, honestly, Isla was shocked to see.

"He's in there--"

"I know." Jax cut her short, ushering Tara to the back of the clubhouse--striving to get her into the room before she heeded Isla.

But she did.

The first person she clocked--aside from Clay--was Isla Telford, the woman she had purposely alienated herself from ten fucking years ago.

It wasn't anything that she'd particularly done to Tara, more like the crowd she ran with--and the way her loyalties never seemed to lay very closely to her friends, or anything outside of the club.

Isla wasn't a part of Samcro--she didn't want to be a part of Samcro--but her coalition was strong enough to convince anybody that she was more than merely a daughter of a Sgt. at Arms.

She had been brought up around the Sons--her father's choice, of course--and when her mother passed, she had no choice but to dive a little bit deeper into that world. But, as expected, it was constantly under the watchful eye of her old man.

She was dedicated to them. They were, essentially, family, and she was an honorary member.

"Isla." Jax mumbled, nodding his head toward the entrance of the clubhouse as he closed the back-door. "Outside."

He pulled a carton of cigarettes out of his leather vest, shaking the box as he strived to seem a little less suspicious to Clay and his mother.

The blonde wobbled to her feet--knees weak after hours of standing--while simultaneously pulling her bloodied flannel back onto svelte, freckled arms, recognizing that the chill was to hit her the second she stepped onto the gravel.

Jax was casual while he strutted ahead, taking long strides that Isla found fucking impossible to keep up with.

He pushed the door to close behind her, offering a cigarette that she hastily declined.

"What's she doing here?" Was how she decided to break the silence, her eyes searching for a hint of something written on his face.

But there was nothing. Not an ounce of emotion--scarily so.

"She's fixing Cameron up--"

"Not at the clubhouse, Jax. I meant back in Charming."

He ran a thumb across his lower lip, trying to soften his gaze on Isla, but it was futile. He looked discomposed--unsettled.

"She's uh--she's workin' at the hospital now." She started to nod, waiting for his elaboration. It never came, however.

"Oh, that's nice. I wonder what happened in Chicago...Do you know why she's back here? Or how long she's gonna be staying in town--"

"You sound like my fucking mother--give it a break with the thirty-seven questions about Tara, damnit."

He snarled, heeding the distaste of his words the second she glowered at him.

"Excuse you?"

"I didn't call you out here for a sweet little conversation, Isla, I called you 'cause I need your help--"

"With what?"

Jax's hand hooked onto the back of his neck while he tilted his head to look upward, thinking of a way--any fucking way--to explain just what damn mess he'd found himself entwined with over the course of the last twenty-four hours.

He didn't know what to say or how to say it--if he should've fucking said it. He trusted Isla with his life--always had--but sometimes he appreciated that she mightn't have appreciated finding herself tangled within Jax's boisterous, at times frightening, life.

But it was too late for that. She'd been dragged through the deepest shit and wasn't crumbling that easily.

"Jax--"

"Kohn." He stated simply, waiting for the cogs of her brain to begin turning.

"What about him? You got in trouble with the ATF or something? Because we can handle that--"

"I already did." Jax laughed humorlessly, finally meeting Isla's line of sight.

The skin underneath his eyes was red raw, blotchy and irritated after he had used the sleeve of his hoodie to scrub away the tears he'd shed.

The tears he hadn't wanted to shed, but had fallen freely--uncontrollably--from those cerulean hues Isla never tired of looking at.

"What do you mean by that?" Nervously, she quizzed.

He didn't even have to say anything. She fucking knew. She knew exactly what he meant by that, but there was a tiny morsel of something within her that hoped and prayed that he'd declare that her gut feeling was wrong.

But he couldn't. Because it was right. Like always, Isla's intuition didn't fail her.

"Jax, honey, what did you do--"

"I killed Kohn."

[vogueinnie]

The Favor

       ━ WARNINGS ;  changbin x fem reader, dom!changbin, college party, smut, a looooot of teasing, mention of alcohol and drugs, finger sucking, fingering (f. receiving), voyeurism, degradation, dry humping, light choking      ━ WORD COUNT ; 1.8k      ━ NOTE ; note : here is my first “real” work, please be kind !! this is so cliché lmao, but who doesn’t like cliché? keep in mind that english isn’t my first language soooo there will surely be some mistakes. if so, tell me !!

Every minds present were dizzy, just like the smoky room they were in. The grey smoke was like a cloud above everyone. We couldn't see anything except the dancing bodies that were stuck together to the defeaning music who had taken possession of the place. Even the most shy and discreet ones were totally unrecognizable. It was unbearable for anyone who wasn't in the delirious atmosphere of this friday night.

Whoever once thought that youth was decadent had been right, and they were the proof of it. No more exams, no more stress, no more angry teachers, no more homeworks. This night, they all needed to act like the young adults they were ; partying like there is no tomorrow.

Everything was made for everyone to be at ease. Indeed, Christopher Bang, the night's host, was well known for his crazy parties. His student apartment had soon turned into a nightclub, hopefully his neighbors were the same age and they probably were here, enjoying this moment. Even the open windows weren't enough to let out the smoke of all the illicit substances. Everyone was in their own world, laughing, smiling, screaming, jumping with a glass in hand, and it would be bold to assume it was water. They were free minded, for one night at least.

You were in the middle of all these excited people, in the same state, mocking the ridiculous dances moves of your bestfriend, Jihyo. She had one goal and it was to seduce the " beautiful dark haired boy over there, oh my god he's so freaking hot ! " also named as Seungmin. Jihyo burst out of laugh and without knowing why you just did the same, way to tipsy to understand whatever she was saying. You were both looking stupid but who did really care, after all ? You were here to have fun.

The mood changed drastically as the electronic bass music changed in seconds to something much smoother, much slower, much more sensual. The couples present were not shy to stick body-to-body, swaying their hips without shame.

" Wait for me I'm going to see the man of my dream ! I'll be back soon ! Well I hope no, but... Yeah... I mean... You understand what I mean ! " Jihyo said.

You didn't fully understand what she said so you laugh, nodding your head. Without controlling your body, your hips starts to move to the sound that were playing. Your movements were slow, almost erotic as you roll your head back, exposing your neck to everyone that was looking at you. Your free hand were in your hair and you unconsciously bit your lip with a little smile when you start to feel all the curious eyes on you. Thanks to the alcohol you've drinked, you didn't feel ridiculous dancing alone.

The special attention that the predators around you, men and women, were giving you, only increase the urge to reveal more obscenity.

Apparently Jihyo seized the opportunity to talk with Seungmin and you couldn't stop smiling at the view. Finally, she was not letting her shyness took the lead. But your smile fades away the second your eyes meets two dark orbs.

Seo Changbin.

You didn't know why but you both never get along together. You didn't know each other, but you weren't compatible. Everyone knew that. Changbin was naturally sarcastic, raw and must of the time he speaks without thinking twice. And you were the exact opposite ; sweet, easy going and always ready to meet new people. The funniest part between the two of you were probably the fact that you were always craving for each others attention, a little nothing could make you argue, sometimes rudely, sometimes more in a teasing way. You were stuck in a cat-dog relationship, and anyone around you could sense the tension from Changbin and you.

The black haired boy was sitting on the sofa, right in the living room’s center. And he wasn’t alone, a girl was sitting on his thighs. Even if you couldn’t see her face you could already tell that she was pretty and totally his style, long light pink hair and a body to die for. But even the goddess on him couldn't make him take his eyes off you. And there we go for a battle of gaze.

« Dude I’m so high…» Felix next to him giggled, whispering these few words in a completely derailed deep voice.

Changbin took the drug stick his bestfriend gave him and he lets the substance slide down his throat in a relaxing way. His originally brown pupils were dilated in a deep black tone, and without taking his eyes off you he spats out the smoke with controlled slowness, gripping the female’s ass on him. But he gradually lost interest in her, thanks to the show he had in front of him.

You now understand why all the girls were head over heels for him. He was hot, indeed.

You felt your heart race so fast, the adrenaline running in your blood, thanks to the alcohol you’ve drinked. Why were you hanging like that in his eyes while moving your body, giving him a hot show of your own despair ? His attention was all you ever wanted right now. Boldly you slowly put your hand around your throat, almost wishing it was Changbin’s fingers wrapped around you, you give no pressure but you can see his thigh twich at the view.

The music changed again to go back to something more happy, and the bodies around you start to jump again. But you were standing here, like an idiot almost choking yourself just for your not-so-ennemy pleasure. The man in front of you seemed to be in the same state as you, glued to your eyes without even giving the pretty girl on him some attention.

With a courage you didn’t not know you have, you walked with an almost feline step to the sofa. What would have taken a few seconds if you were sober turned out to be more difficult with alcohol in your veins. 

However, you finally stand behind the one who you recognized to be Sana. She was, indeed, one of the most beautiful girls, but it wasn't her who caught his eyes. It was you. Sana probably felt that Changbin wasn’t responding to her neck kisses, so she sits up slightly to face a surprising sight. You, staring down at your new prey. 

The boy raised his eyebrows with a certain provocation in his eyes, silently asking you by this gesture what do you wanted. But you didn’t blink a moment, and the young woman felt too much in this intense exchange.

« You could have tell that you didn’t want me, for real. » She mumbles, standing up.

«  Me ! I want you Sana, c’mooooon ! »

«  Felix… she sighs, you’re not even straight. »

« Ah, yeah… I’ve almost forgot that detail… » He shrugs his shoulders, not bothered at all, and he tooks a sip of his drink while standing up too to follow Sana.

Even Sana and Felix couldn’t distract you.

You were too far away to correctly think, your brain were so fuzzy and you didn’t even understand why you get on your knees in front of him, but youd did. With a cocky smile, he spreads his legs apart, you were offering him such a delightful view. One of  his hands reached your face to slowly brush your cheek, almost lovingly. His index gives your naturally swollen lips some caresses and you immediately took it in your mouth, gripping on his wrist like your life depends on it.

He couldn’t help but broke the contact between your eyes to fix it on your lips sucking on his index, adding his major within. You rub your thighs together, and the thought that anyone could see you in this position, in front of Changbin, makes you unbelievably excited. But people were too busy having fun to care about you. His free hand goes around your neck, like youd did few minutes ago, and you let out a little gasp, keeping his two fingers deep down your throat.

« I’ve always known that you were so desperate. But that desperate… » He tooks his wet fingers back, wiping them on your cheek.

It was almost humiliating and you gulps silently when you felt your dripping core under your dress, your wetness stucking unpleasantly on your pantie. What was wrong with you, really ? You see in his eyes that he wanted to play. So you’re gonna give him something to play with. Your body moved closer to one of his legs, still on your knees, rubbing against it almost like a puppy waiting for some much-deserved reward.

« You want everyone to see how much of a whore you are, hm ? He pats his thigh with a mocking grin, come here. »

Without any hesitation, you straddle one of his thigh with your legs and he catches your waist between his two hands so he can trapped you against his body. His fucking hot body. Thanks to his black shirt you have a perfect view on his arms, and you can feel yourself wetter if that’s possible.

Slowly you started to move against him, you wanted to feel some friction, just a little something, the bare minimum. One of his hand slowly slide under your dress and he pushes your lace underwear aside to fully have acces to your heatness.

« So pitiful. Who would want to touch you ? You still move against him, letting his fingers slip between your wet and hot folds. Right in front of anyone, they’re all looking at you. You’re burning inside even though you know people are having fun. They see how much of a slut you are just for my fingers. »

« S-shut up… You whines, your head burried in the crock of his neck. More, I want more… »

« Can’t you be fucking polite for once, uh ? Or you can’t properly talk ? »

Changbin didn’t wait for your answer and you can feel two fingers deep inside you. You were so wet that it wasn’t unpleasant at all. Hell no, it was a relief. As if his digits were made for you, not too long, a little chubby, just the ideal length to meet your most sensitive spot. He starts kissing your jaw, his thumb were added to give your red bud some rubs. You were a mess in his arms, practically crying cause you were overhelmed by your pleasure and after a few pump inside you, you were cumming hard on his fingers, gripping his shoulder to keep your mind on earth.

« You owe me a favor now, looser. »

You now understand why you didn’t like him.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: [Let us say that some boys on the bus were going hard with being dicks because duh, shit always goes down on the bus] Janis: 3 of those lads have sent me dick pics Janis: say the word, like Grace: only 3? 💔 Janis: What can I say? Janis: Not got the pull I used to, obvs Grace: yeah same Janis: Yeah Janis: well, there's comfort in knowing you're always one #scandal away from being old news at this school, yeah Grace: mhmm I'm like so comforted rn Janis: Not my forte Janis: I'll work on getting the remaining 2 dicks Janis: revenge porn, I could do Grace: 🤞💜🙏 Janis: I hope the rest of the insults you've heard today have been more creative than that poor showing at least Grace: Duh of course they haven't 🙄 Janis: Gutting Janis: should've paid more attention in English, lads Grace: [sends her some of the quality content] Grace: that'll be easier when I'm not there to be like TOTALLY distracting obvs Janis: 😑 Janis: How dry Janis: 💀 or 👻 Grace: I mean like catch them at 20 still trying to pass Grace: much as I wanna kms Janis: True that Janis: only here past junior cert to get more fingering experience Grace: ugh Janis: I know Janis: romance is dead Janis: is there anything I can actually do though? Grace: get that as a matching tattoo with barista boy? no 👌👌 Grace: idk cos idk what I can even do soooo Grace: my life is just over Janis: I'll float the idea Janis: might be a bit mainstream Janis: yeah but is that such a bad thing Janis: was pretty tragic, right? Grace: can you not Janis: I'm not taking the piss Janis: I'm being real Grace: & I'm not in the mood for a life revamp atm Grace: or your advice Janis: I'm not trying to be a guru either Grace: well you don't know what you're talking about so that's a relief Janis: Alright Janis: not said I do either Janis: sorry I don't, if I knew how to avoid scandals, I could sell that shit for a high price Grace: just stop Grace: I could care less that I'm #cancelled Grace: it's not even Janis: Go on then Janis: I know you aren't upset over that idiot Grace: Duh Grace: he's the WORST but I knew that already Janis: and give a shit about everyone talking shit, apparently Janis: so, what is it? Grace: it's real if I say it Janis: Is that why you're not saying anything Janis: I know it doesn't stop the talk but some people might listen Janis: what don't you want to make real? Grace: I don't want people to listen, I literally don't want anyone to know Grace: I don't even wanna know, I wish I didn't Janis: Grace Janis: what are you talking about? Grace: I'm literally the worst person, I didn't wanna have his baby & now god has like cursed me forever Janis: Babe, God is NOT a subscriber Janis: tell me Grace: if you make me 😂 I will 😭 Janis: That would make things feel more normal Janis: but I'll calm my comedy genius Janis: you haven't grown another head and I don't think our animal have been slaughtered Grace: thanks babes Grace: but I'd rather have another head than this Janis: More to contour, I get it Janis: Kinda Janis: so it must be bad Grace: Yeah Grace: like I said, my life is over Grace: it's not even started & it's done Janis: Did you want the baby Janis: I know you said not HIS but like Janis: it'd be understandable to be in two minds, even after making a decision about it Grace: not now but I didn't know that'd mean not ever Janis: What? Grace: it's not just that I wasn't pregnant this time Grace: I can't be Janis: Ever? Janis: The Doctor told you? Grace: Ever Grace: the doctor said I'm going through the fucking menopause, like is nan even?! Janis: the menopause Janis: is that even possible Janis: fuck Grace: I don't think the doctor is allowed to drop fake news on me Grace: like maybe there's another storytime coming Janis: When did you find this out? Grace: I went to the doctors right after I delivered my fake news to him Janis: Jesus, Grace Janis: How are you in School Janis: why? Grace: I told you, I don't want this to be happening Grace: I'm freaking out, the symptoms are crazy Janis: Is it just pure bad luck Janis: it can't be like..reversed Grace: there's like no way to undo it Janis: Shit Janis: I'm sorry Janis: that is huge Grace: yeah me too Grace: the pity party this fam would throw would be huge Grace: along with the guestlist of all their accidental babies Janis: and we have enough birthdays with all those accidental kids so Janis: Obviously, no need to explain why you're keeping it to yourself Grace: I can't do this Grace: be this Janis: I don't think you have a choice Janis: well, you don't Grace: is it my fault though? all the binging I used to do Grace: Ro got to have a kid Janis: Of course it ain't your fault Janis: this shit is unfair and random Grace: Yeah Janis: and it'll always be shit and unfair Janis: but you can still live your life, just different to how you've imagined Grace: I don't wanna live this life Janis: There's not an alternative Janis: but I can guarantee it's not gonna be as bad as you feel right now Grace: I was just starting to get my shit together, for god's sake Janis: I know Janis: but you still have the rest together Grace: HE'S the last boy that's ever gonna come near me, that alone makes me wanna die Janis: that's bollocks Janis: you've not got the plague Janis: socially, right now Janis: but who gives a fuck, yeah, the lads 'round here are not the be all in any way Grace: I literally live here Grace: what else am I gonna do go online and find boys who are into 👵? Janis: Boys that don't go to our school, would be a start Janis: ones that aren't likely to be fans of that prick, shouldn't be hard Janis: you're not going for 12 year olds, like Grace: I said don't make me 😂 Janis: It can't hurt Janis: except literally, maybe Grace: I've gotta get used to all the fucking aches and pains anyway ugh Janis: Any excuse for a spa day, you Grace: I'll lose your invite, don't even worry Janis: 💔😏 Janis: you should though Janis: do something that doesn't make you feel like 👵 Grace: casual infertility party Janis: not exactly what I was thinking but Janis: interesting take on the baby shower epidemic Janis: I'd come Grace: oh god don't, Rio's gonna have another one soon Janis: It'll be nice to not have to snatch it back from an OTT gay this time Janis: more chill Grace: unless I snatch it cos I go fully mental Janis: I'd recommend a less baby crazy target Grace: maybe I'll start pushing all the 🐈s around in a pram like oh hey this is my new vibe Janis: if you want your face clawed off Janis: they're pretty unsympathetic little bastards Grace: I literally didn't wanna be in this fam before what am I meant to do now?! ugh Janis: As much as it would be a laugh to ask Ri to surrogate again Janis: let's think of something a little less drastic for the time being Grace: like? Janis: like Janis: you can't disown us all, it'd take to long Janis: but you could not be around for a while Grace: 👌👌 except I have nowhere to go Grace: not trying to have a Q&A with my friends about this Janis: You're so lucky I'm the twin with brains Grace: rude Janis: what about going to see Ava for a hot sec Janis: she's not the barrage-you-with-questions type Grace: it's lowkey very unlikely her mum & dad would want me there though Janis: yeah but it's as unlikely they'll be about enough to notice you that hard Janis: everyone knows you're going through it right now, even if they don't actually know what IT really is Grace: okay yeah Grace: mum does, she'd let me go Janis: exactly, who actually gives a shit if you miss a week or so of school Janis: Ava could still go if she so desperately needs, you just need to chill Janis: away from here Grace: not me, school was the worst even before this Janis: One thing we can agree on Grace: don't like tell anyone, okay? Janis: No shit Janis: 'course I won't Grace: Even your boyfriend who you're so 💖😍😘 for & have no secrets from Janis: Even though you're being purposefully antagonizing rn Janis: I won't tell no one Grace: thanks Janis: It ain't even an ask Janis: so don't mention it Grace: 👌💜 Janis: I'll hook it up with her, no stress Grace: I'll handle mum Janis: and your packing Grace: at least I don't have to serve a look as hard when there's only 1 person there I'm avoiding as opposed to like ALL of Dublin Janis: safe to say you can give the #ootds a break too Janis: strictly loungewear, like Grace: mhmmm Janis: bit rude to avoid Ava though Janis: do I need to tell her you're getting in the guestroom and not coming out, like? Grace: oh please, I would never Janis: Who are you avoiding then? Grace: just a boy Janis: unlike you Grace: excuse you Janis: You'd have your exes all back 'round like a family reunion Janis: who's this boy, did you shit in his bed, what's the story Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: I WOULD NOT Janis: 👌👌 you love a repeat Grace: I'm a hoe reformed 😇🙏 Janis: so that's why you're avoiding Janis: get a wimple, join a convent Grace: literally can't 💍 anyone but god now anyway so Grace: obvs that's what he wanted when he cursed me Janis: #whenbaeisposessive 😍 Janis: and don't talk shit, you don't have to promise you'll have your firstborn within the year when you get married, like Janis: not necessary Grace: whatever we're so off topic rn Janis: the topic of you shitting in some London lad's bed, 'cos you did not deny it Janis: let's get back on that Grace: OMG no! Grace: I'm 👵 not 🤢💀🤒😓💀 Grace: he's just a hookup, no drama Janis: just gonna run for cover if you 👀 him Janis: standard Janis: probably not lurking about her gaff unless you've really one-upped everyone and fucked your uncle 🤢 Grace: EW! Grace: I'm not even gonna 👀 him cos he's her bfs brother but like I didn't know that so Janis: that's funny Janis: soz Janis: 😂 when the incestuousness of it all happens without you even trying Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: okay 🤐 Janis: but deffo avoid him Grace: duh Grace: the state of me & my life rn Janis: more like the state of that whole situation Janis: getting involved in that is not anyone's idea of relaxing Grace: obvs but that's not anything to do with him Grace: just like none of this #scandal involves you Janis: Think people know better than to imply it was a threesome, yeah Grace: Gross! & you know what I mean, babes Janis: yeah, it's beyond #obvs you don't wanna avoid this boy mhmm Grace: like that matters, he's not gonna hit me up & same Janis: well okay Janis: arranging that goes beyond sisterly duties into pimp territory so Janis: focus on what you're actually gonna do whilst you're there then Grace: 😭😭💀💀😭 then yeah? Grace: 👌💜 Janis: you could do that here Janis: at least go somewhere instagrammable to die Grace: well duh Grace: final livestream for the haters Janis: 🙄😏 Janis: wonder if anyone's killed themselves on stream yet Janis: must've Grace: obvs Grace: but I literally couldn't even if it was original content cos they'd all think it was about him & I'm sooo 💔💔💔 Janis: No one wants that as their legacy Grace: exactly Janis: even if the race to #1 most subscribed when he gets #cancelled would be just riveting Grace: he won't even though his fans are just Janis: sweaty virgins Janis: yeah, figures Grace: 😂 Grace: I'd tell him to hit them with a Q&A but like he's got no answers Grace: literally should've known I wasn't pregnant Janis: thank fuck you ain't Janis: this time anyway Janis: obvs the whole thing is a little more complex but Christ Janis: having to parent with that Janis: and knowing your child was the product of a really shit shag Janis: 💔 Grace: IKR Grace: at least he doesn't know he could blame the menopause for how shit it was Janis: I highly doubt he knows what the menopause is Janis: nevermind the concept of it coming early Janis: though that shouldn't be that unfamiliar Grace: who knew it could come this early though Grace: not his defence squad but like wtf Janis: I hadn't heard of it before, really Janis: like I knew people like Ro and Mia and co can stop getting their period and it might not come back, even if you sort yourself Janis: it's shit luck Grace: yeah Janis: Did you not get your period Janis: on whatever contraception you're on Grace: loads of people don't on the implant so I wasn't freaking out Janis: yeah Janis: s'what I thought Janis: you don't think, I mean that's not why, is it Grace: I'd hope someone would have floated that as a side effect before I got it put in but it's not like I can ask my former squad if they're also going through it Grace: they might've moved on by now anyways it only lasts 3 years Grace: hence my 👶 panic Janis: I don't think even doctors and scientists know what it does to our bodies Janis: we're still guineapigs for all this shit Janis: I know loads of people get fucked up from all the hormones they add to your body, and the ones they take away Janis: again, just bad luck it happened to be permanent, I guess Janis: fun times Grace: at least I won't have to do any of that shit any more Janis: that's true Janis: it's not like there aren't any perks Janis: or that the losses can't be filled with other potentials in the future, when you actually wanna think about all that shit Grace: unless I go bald then I will kms obvs Janis: If you go bald, you can just go for it and superglue a wig on Grace: find me one that doesn't make me look like a weird cartoon character & sure Janis: no 💗 or 💙 Janis: got it Grace: ty 💜 Janis: failing that, you could make Ri transplant you some of hers Janis: like so you won't give me a baby, okay Grace: 😂😂 coming at her with ✂ Grace: I love that you didn't volunteer yourself bitch Grace: 💇 or 👶 tbh Janis: Full horror movie moment that Janis: selfish to a fault me Janis: and final girl, so you can pry 'em off my cold dead head or outta my cold dead womb Grace: my 📽🎞😱 moment is that this is gonna change my skin type to dry so it'll take me at least a full week to find replacements for all my makeup faves Janis: yeah, but think about how hard your spots should disappear Janis: get yourself a decent moisturizer and you won't even need to bother barely Grace: !!! Grace: I didn't even think of that OMG Janis: mhmm 👵 don't get acne Grace: 🙏🙏 Janis: and you can try a new facial over there, yeah Grace: as long as Ava isn't like no thanks bitch Janis: won't give her an option tbh Grace: 📽🎞😱 Janis: 😏 you know I'm scary bitch Grace: oh please Janis: 👊 Grace: 😘

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Addicted Michael Langdon (Rock Star AU) x Reader

Warnings: drug use, overdose, death, smut

A/N: I don't remember right off hand exactly which blog in this fandom started the rockstar Michael concept but decided to give this type of an idea a shot. Note that yes there is drug use and overdose involved resulting in death because of an action taken on reader. This could be triggering to some, might want tissues handy cause it is sad boy hours on this one folks. As always send feedback much love and thanks for reading my fics guys! Note the lyrics used are from Learning To Fly by Pink Floyd.

//Into the distance a ribbon of black

Stretched to the point of no turning back

A flight of fancy on a windswept field

Standing alone my senses reeled

A fatal attraction is holding me fast how

How can I escape this irresistible grasp?//

Y/N looked on in mute horror. Horror was something she had not felt before in her life. There he was, almost catatonic, a look of aloof disinterest on his otherwise flawless and beautiful face. In his left hand a small bottle was loosely clutched, open, contents scattered upon the ground below. His hair was dishevelled, his upper body unclothed, a trail of saliva dripping from his slightly-parted mouth onto his chest. His unblinking gaze stared at something beyond focus, something only he was seeing.

What what happened? She asked in a cautious whisper. She gently plucked the small bottle out of his hand, realising he had overdosed. Purposely overdosed. What could have happened to drive Michael to such reckless, illogical behaviour? What drove this normally calm and deliberate person to such an abrupt, impromptu act? What demanded such drastic and permanent release?

It was too late. She knew it was too late. Not knowing what to do for such circumstances normally, Y/N only looked on helplessly, slowly crouching down by his side. She tentatively reached out and touched his bare shoulder.

Cold  both her fingertips and his skin. The two of them were both abnormally cool-blooded, he had penetrating and yet distant blue eyes,  fair skin and fine features. And yet he was colder than was normal for the two of them.He gave her no response, didn’t register her presence.

Taking a firmer grip, she shook him gently, knowing he wouldn’t respond. He lost the balance from his precarious position, haphazardly propped against a fallen chair. His right arm, previously draped across a side of the chair, smacked the ground with a sickeningly final thud. She caught his head against her chest, his head lolling down and to the side as if he wanted to suck on her breast. He was heavier than she remembered. She couldn’t think of why this could be.

She cradled him, rocking back and forth slightly. A tightness grew in her stomach and throat, a cold shiver ran down her spine. Her breath was suddenly shaky and her mouth grew dry. A tear froze as it formed at the corner of her eye, falling and shattering upon impacting against the colder-still floor. “Michael… please please wake up,” she stated desperately.

She closed her mind thinking back to the first time they had met, both of them were junkies it seemed to be one of the few things that kept them together asides from the sex. They may have a toxic relationship but like a moth to a flame she was drawn to him and she kept coming back for more.

2 years ago...

‘I need it so badly, and I need to see him, be near him.’

I want to find another dealer, but I can't bring myself to look. I just keep coming back.

I love him. I don't know if he knows it, but I do. With all of my heart.

I took my first fix to impress him. I don't care that I’m an addict; it gives me an excuse to see him.

And I do see him. Almost every day.

I let myself fall into the delusion that he loved me too, at first. When we met, in a bar, he gave me some crack. I liked it, of course, and he told me where I could see him and get more.

At first he just scared me, but gradually I started to look forward to going to see him to see him, as well as to get my fix.

I was a virgin. One night I gave that to him, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But when I woke up the next morning, he handed me about three weeks worth and told me I’d earned it all. I slapped him, but he just laughed and said he’d see me soon.

I held off the stuff for about a week, and then I couldn't do it anymore. It was even better than it had been the first time around.

When I ran out I went back to him, same as I always had before, with my money in my backpack.

He smirked, and told me I didn't need to give him any money, looking my body over knowingly. I was so tempted to do it. “Are you brave Y/N?” He asked me not taking his eyes off of mine. I looked at him nervously “why do you ask?” My stomach was tied in knots an excited feeling rushed through my veins.

“You want some of this?" He held up the small baggie to my eyes, which contained a fairly sized black hunk of something. I didn't have to ask him to know what it was.He had the sexiest face when he was offering you drugs, a straight, poker face, with a little smirk that just screamed "Come on, you know you want to,". I chewed at my bottom lip contemplating it for a moment. "Come on, it's the greatest feeling ever. I'll shoot it for you and everything, I guarantee you won't be able to move for the next hour, I swear. It's the best, no lie." Michael urged me.

I hesitated slightly, my heart thundering against my ribs. Everything in my brain was screaming 'NO! You idiot! Remember health class?' "Awh hell, off to the races!" I said, laughing, and instantly feeling a rush of anxiety. Michael laughed, "Yeah, you want this," and then he pulled out a spoon from his pocket, breaking off a chunk of the black tar heroin and setting it in the spoon to melt it down. He was always so cocky, but it suited his personality.

My stomach was starting to feel funny from all the adrenaline pumping though my body as he patiently turned the black mass into a liquid; I hadn't felt this antsy since the last time we were tweaking out on shards. I couldn't believe I was about to do this; one hit and I could be addicted.

Before I knew it, Michael had taken a hold of my left wrist and was holding my arm out straight, tapping against the main vein in my elbow until it was raised and throbbing.

"You're gonna want to look away for this," he said, as he held up a small syringe he'd filled with the drug. "This is gonna be like nothing you've ever felt before."

I smiled, and said "Hell yes," before I looked up into his eyes. He met my gaze, his blue eyes distracting me from where the needle was going. I felt the pinch, and winced slightly.

“You're ok, you will be ok Y/N," he said, he smiled, still staring into my eyes. "Eyes right here."

I stared back, smiled, and felt the needle being withdrawn from my arm. I exhaled slowly, wondering when it was supposed to take effect--

The rush of euphoria you get from shooting up heroin is unlike anything else. You could be going through horrible withdrawals, but after you see that red cloud of blood erupt in the syringe, you’ll feel like you're on top of the world in seconds. You feel weightless, and warm, and safe.

“How you feeling Y/N?" Michael asked, getting down to my level to look me in the eye, his smirk setting my nerve endings on fire. ‘fuck why is it that his smirk damn near destroys me?’ I thought to myself. I tried to speak, but my mouth wasn't working with my brain...or, my brain wasn't working with my mouth. Actually, I don't think my brain was working at this point at all, it was all just too slow. Even my tongue felt heavy.

It seemed like a long time passed, I heard Michael opening up the small baggie once again, heard the lighter click to life, closed my eyes and felt my breathing, watching the colors dance past my eyes as I heard him hiss from the needle, heard the THUMP as he hit the floor.

A few moments had passed then I saw Michael get up from the floor, and plop down onto the end of the bed, smiling and looking down at me. I looked back up at him, and in my mind a vague feeling was starting to swim around, to spark to roaring life amidst the haze that I was feeling everywhere else.

“You feelin' good?" He asked, tilting his head and grinning at me in the way he always did after witnessing me getting fucked up in some way or another. A grin that said, 'Now that's what I'm talking about', before always asking the same question; You feeling good?

I tried to wrap my mind around how I was feeling, to grasp at how hot it was starting to feel between my legs, how when I arched my back upward I wanted something to be there, to be in the space between my legs, in the heat and the wet, to fill me up, make me moan.

And without really meaning to, I did moan. I let out a low, hungry growl, closing my eyes and allowing my head to fall backward.

Michael chuckled, a low, almost animalistic sound. “Y/N...you want to fuck don't you?" I didn't respond, merely laid there, eyes still closed, feeling my head fall to the side, my nose against my right bicep. It was so hot, I could hear myself panting, feel it in my breasts as they rose and fell with my breath.

"Yeeeeeaaaaahh, you wanna fuck," I heard Michael  say, his words long and drawn out. "You're so horny right now it's driving you out of your Goddamn mind, isn't it?"

I heard myself moan again, still unable to think my way out of the warm cloud that had settled over my body. All I knew was that I wanted a dick, a hard, long, thick dick, shoved into my pussy, and I wanted it now. I gave a small growl of frustration, arching my back upward again.

Michael takes hold of my wrist all of a sudden, forcing me to still. Then he lowers my arm, meeting my stare in the dimness of lamplight shining from a table. “You look like you have somethin’ you wanna say, Miss Y/N.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “Do I?” “Yeah. Do you?” “I – I.” I was unable to formulate a complete sentence. God he’s beautiful. I’m mesmerized. Enthralled. Captivated. Whatever this emotion of want is.

Long, blonde hair dusts him all over. Glazed in a sheen of sweat.“Oh…” I’m at a loss for words, so awestruck. He begins undressing himself,His hands are on his belt, undoing the buckle. His trousers sag some, slipping down his waist.I close the distance between us, pushing aside his trembling hands to use mine. I undo his belt then unfasten the button of his trousers, letting them fall around his ankles.

Michael looks at me he holds my face in his big, calloused hands. “You can’t be real.” “No?” “No. You have to just be some illusion I’ve thought of. You’ll disappear soon.” “I don’t think I’m leaving, Michael,” I confess, voice breathless. His touch is like fire, letting me feel that more than I desire.

I flush with heat, taking in the truth that he’s naked now. Naked. In front of me.“You wanna join, darlin’?” “J – Join?” He gently traces his fingertips across my arm I can't help but shiver “yeah you look cold  guess even angels need warmth, huh?” he narrowed his gaze on me, he stretches out an arm to grab my wrist. He pulls me into him, sitting up to hold me in his strong arms. Heat blooms all over my skin as he embraces me from behind, sensations I had thought I lost or maybe never realized I had.

He makes it seem like I have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing to do but relent, to surrender and release the tension I’ve been holding in. His breath warms my ear, tousling strands of hair. He moves closer, pinning me to the wall. I hold in all the breath I can as his scent overwhelms me, musk and oil and smoke. He has one arm over my head, bracing his position over me. His other hand rests near my abdomen, hovering over his shirt that I have on. His blue gaze doesn’t leave mine. “Can I touch you?” I blink, dark lashes fanning out tears. “I – I’ve never been touched like this.” “Never?” “No.” 'sure we had had sex before but this moment seemed different electrified. This was the first time he even really touched me at least like this… so soft, so sensual.

“You – You don’t have to.” I managed to stutter out awkwardly. “I can. You look like you want me to. You have for a while. It doesn’t have to be more than this, and I don’t mind doin’ it for you.” His touch is like fire, as before. That tingling that I hunger for. The licks of heat over my skin sets my nerve endings on fire. His rough fingers slither over my slit, forcing me to let out a muffled noise as I shudder. “Want me to stop?” “No. No. More… do more.”

He pushes closer, leaving no space amid us. His teeth sink into my throat, biting sensitive areas I didn’t know I wanted to be bitten. I arch my back, bending a little as he presses a knee between my thighs.He rubs, for a few minutes. Stroking. Caressing.He nibbles my neck, the muscle that runs down to my shoulder. His shirt falls off of me some, slipping off the shoulder his mouth is on. I rest my palms on his chest, nails scratching over his skin. He hisses then sucks beneath my ear, licking his tongue back and forth. “Oh, Michael,” I moan my breath becoming more rapid making me almost dizzy.

He parts me with his fingers, rubbing the warm slick that’s dripping out of me. “God, Y/N. You moan like an angel.” He pushes one thick digit into me, then another. Stretching me, he thrusts in and out at a slow pace. I fall into a haze of bliss, drowned in the blazing sensations that wash over me. I move my hips in time with his hand, finding a tempo with him. A blinding crescendo rises and rises. Hotter. Brighter. ”I’m so close, so close –”  Then the flat of his thumb circles over my clit and I scream, coming undone.

This was an all new heightened sensation, and throughout our relationship it seemed the more we experimented with different drugs the more the sexual connection we had seemed to get more and more intense. Hell we were just as addicted to the sex as much as the drugs. To be honest I think we tried just about everything, Crystal meth, shrooms, coke, mollies you name it then most likely we had tried it. But it seemed like nothing was enough, another fix needed to keep the euphoric rush going. Each time more and more it seemed like he needed, like a junkie he couldn't seem to get enough. But it seemed heroin was always his vice, his ultimate fix of choice.

Being on heroin is akin to being in a toxic relationship. You start off knowing you're playing with fire, but you tell yourself it’ll be casual and you have more will power than to let yourself fall into addiction. Unfortunately, the pull of heroin is stronger than you, and by the time you realize you’ve lost control, you already lost it a long time ago. This kind of end was not for the likes of him. In one long continuous movement she eased him to the ground, laying him on his back and lovingly straddled him. She had one hand pressed against his cold chest, the other gripping the handle of the blade. Her hand wavered a little as it hovered above his chest. She glanced away, eyes a little misted by tears that were unaccustomed to forming, and thus shy of coming out.

Die by the blade, she whispered barely audibly. He never was much of a fighter she was the warrior of unparalleled potential of the two of them and yet she believed, she knew, that he wouldn't want it any other way either.

With one efficient movement, she plunged the blade neatly into his heart. She opened her eyes with a start, sharply glancing down at him as she felt a tensing beneath her and the slightest of hitched gasps. His eyes, free of the madness, clear of the haze, looked back at her with such a whirlpool of emotions and questions she nearly choked on a gasp of her own. She felt a new horror. A new kind of chill. She couldn't find her voice, and wouldn't have known what to say anyway. She looked back into his eyes, silently pleading.

“Michael Langdon?”

Questioning turned to acceptant understanding, forgiveness, and finally to a slightly guilty apology. The corner of his lips twitched into the briefest of smiles, as if trying to reassure her that everything would be fine.

“L-love,you.”

His eyes glazed over again. This time he wouldn’t be waking up for her again. The crimson trickled over his skin and stained her sleeves and her skirts. Never had she made such a costly error of judgement.

Michael Langdon died of an overdose. A plaque in his memory was put up, reading, “There is no substitute” Unfortunately for music fans, as well as the family and friends of the victims, too many singers have died before their time either directly or indirectly because of drug use and abuse.

Michael Langdon

The raspy voiced rocker died at the age of 27,  from a heroin overdose. Born Michael Reese Langdon, but known as “Mick” to his friends and family, Joplin is famous for some of his hit singles such as “Tear Me To Pieces,”Come Undone With Me” “Cry,” “ Asphixiate, “Bring Me To My Knees,” and his personal  favorite, “Sex Goddess.” In 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked him #46 on their list of the 100 Greatest Artists of All Time.

[pokefanbri]

When you feel the world has turned its back on you, or you turn your back on the world.

I promise will never, I will never make you feel like you're alone, that you cant come to me at your weakest because I would do what I can to help you be strong & help you up when you're down. That I'll take care of you, You're pain is my pain & I will help you the best of my ability to see it through with you. You will never have to worry of my locality or trust fading, because if I love you, you won't ever have to question how much & I will do everything in my power to do right by you. But my forgiveness shouldn't be abused or taken for granted to where my respect & love fades, just makes it harder when trust is being built & the taken away...its really not hard to show worthiness just dont be shitty to people.

Just know if you need me,I'll be there, I truly mean it, just don't walk all over me & lie to me makes things so much worse then it has to be, do right from the start. My heart is pure, but it's been hurt so much because it cares so much about the people that have broken & taken advantage of it, and even when destroyed, let down, & weakened its still loves with a passion..not completely broken but puts on another bandaid & keeps going.

Men are more complex than it seems. But I know they love & care of those that love them the most. I just don't know how he'd feel if he lost me too, if it would hurt just as much. If he loves & cares about me like he says, why hurt me at all, its unfair 😔 If im to really love somebody fully, they just have to be the sword to my shield, & fight along side me, by a good rock to get through things with. Hopefully reach a true purpose & something bigger than ourselves. Care for eachother & have our backs, because who else is gonna look after us when nobody else can. We have to look out for eachother. I'd much rather not lose hope, & not lose a dear friend over foolish things or whatever lost in translation when we're so much better than that, it's not worth the pain that comes with it, & beats having to lose somebody that means so much. With equal understanding & validation of our feelings I know we can overcome things if we believe we can, doubting ourselves & being so full of guilt & regret gets nowhere, & we punish ourselves cuz we don't know what we're doing or how to handle it. It's just how do we come to terms with everything that happened, find peace..to forgive ourselves so we can forgive eachother for the mistakes we've made & how alone we felt when together & worse now that we're apart..all of if that got us to where we are now...its a whole mess. Whats the point in breaking somebodys heart that had nothing but good intentions for you. Its hard enouph to find someone who genuinely cares about you. We're both pretty strong willed, strong when things are tough & only even stronger together.

I hate to admit it, but he did drastically shaped me into who I am now & where I currently am life. Which makes me feel my life was formed to this point, directed & led to him for a reason, he helped shape me, make me better, something did..because I'd do anything for him & be there for him if he needed me even if I was hurt which is so fucked & im worth so much more but he still for whatever reason is worth it to me..& cause we had a messed up beginning to something that could've been greater there's alot left unfinished. I feel so damn empty & lost without him, I feel stuck & trapped with nowhere else to go & I'm just waiting to be saved. I just want to see his face again, hug him tight, be his best friend again & show him as much light as I can. Really look into his eyes & show him how much he means to me. Because he's the best person I've ever met & he has no idea what my heart goes through for him. I miss him so much & it hurts that he's not here. He became a purpose & priority the moment I laid eyes on him & its so hard to let him go, I feel like I can't when theres supposed to be more than what I was I given & chances that have been blown without understanding why or how to fix it 😭. I can't go on with my soul somewhere else. Honestly my heart hasn't felt anything like this for anyone before, which makes the pain of the loss even more dreadful to bear. I don't want to lose him, he was the world to me, we were good to eachother the best we could but fell short, it happens..I know it in my heart we could do even better if we just try. But I also know it'll take time, even space to get a grasp on things & I just have to be patient.

When I love with a full & unimaginably heavy heart it doesn't care about getting hurt, it's the risk it takes to try & find somewhere it belongs. It has to hurt so that it knows the depth of how it can really love. And for intended purposes, I feel it's reached its cap when it comes to him. But is weaker & lost without him. Sorry to say but it's the God honest truth.

I have to let this out & say this now at my emotions peek while I can, cuz im a tired wreck rn that's literally crying out in anguish for him to hear her. There's no way to contact & I need him so much right now. I know he's around.. so where ever you are babe I hope you're hearing me somehow. I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be a nonstop wreckless talking idiot but I need to be heard just as much u know. Im probably too blunt & brutally honest sometimes for my own good too, but take with a grain of salt I don't mean to trouble you or cause you anxiety too or anything I miss things if I don't pay attention to every text give.. me a break? I have regrets & worry when anything I could say could mess things up when I mean well. Please don't be scared or hide,take all the time you need but plz dont leave me hanging again, the chance wasn't ruined it's okay. Hurts so much but I don't hold it against you just talk to me, where do we go from here, the things we've said we meant them..they can't just be taken back we've been through this before with unfulfilled promises...how do u say good heartwarming things without real meaning to it, just gets lost & forgotten, brushed aside like they meant nothing. Mean whats said & give me more credit where it's due, meet me in the middle,communicate, i can't do 1 sided decisions in general or relationship wise I need to be heard too.. understand me too & help me understand you more. Im just trying the best I can. We're grown as people we should be able & mature enough to not do the same dumb things over again when it should've been better. Idk pave a good path not destroy it right? Is this a minor setback or can we actually make a major comeback? Please forgive me,you know you can trust me. Just tell me it's gonna be okay, we'll be okay, reassure but be able to back it up. You must know how scared I am to lose you I just can't babe you're 1 in a million to me. Please don't give up before we even start. I still care about you nomatter what. Realistically, u know as well as I how shitty of a situation this is, we're besides ourselves, & can be a pain in eachothers butts...but we can make it through I just know it. I promise I will be there for you. Always

I hope you miss me too. I love you

I hope you're okay & well, & are eating well.

Take care of yourself, Hopefully talk soon if you're up for it

[l0rd-flack0]

An old jam I wanted to share with u all!!!

This is my story, my struggle, uh

My bittersweet symphony, my pain, check it

[Verse]

Food getting lower, money coming slower

Damn land lord keep bitching cause you owe her

I'm too afraid to grow up, I pray to God I blow up

And roll up in something foreign where the front doors go up

I wonder if my peers could hear my prayers

The only nigga got me scared is the man upstairs

When my back against the wall, I'mma face my fears

I'll swallow my pride 'fore I swallow a tear

Cause I be going hard, Stevie on his job

I'm praying until something happen, I'm answering to God

These wolves got me scarred

I try so hard to survive, guess just to prosper gotta strive

Then I hit the stage, all gone and blazed

Everybody know my name and the song I sing

I rejoice my pain and they doing the same

And the haters gonna hate, I'm just doing my thing

Got my bad bitch with me she so dangy

Said she love ASAP cause we so tangy

Living life fast so I feel like kids

And I'm blowing up quick so I feel like B.I.G

With the Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis

Now we doing deals with the major businesses

Get a little change, niggas feel a little strange

Uh-oh truck flow, pull off in a range

Niggas say I changed but I'm living it up

Shit if money didn't change you, you ain't getting enough

Fuck coppin a car, I'm Tryna fly to the stars

Smooth on the moon and I be mobbing to mars

Niggas say I'm ill, y'all ain't telling me shit

Cuz the nights we was ill, y'all ain't help me with shit

Ooh now my money change drastic, The coupe do gymnastic

The doors lift up and the roof do a back flip

Zooming through traffic, probably with a bad bitch

Slash actress soon we on our way to Saks Fifth

Life was so tragic, all of that was past tense

Now I'm living lavish, this got to be magic

Outro]

If I should die before I wake

Pray the lord my soul to take

As I lay me down to sleep

Pray the lord my soul to keep

If I die before I wake

Please rejoice this song I sing

As I lay me down to sleep

Pray the lord I rest in peace

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: I've told all my family James: oh Ava: Maybe don't oh that hard Ava: thinking you've changed your mind and that's going to be very difficult to do a 180 on tbh James: I'm actually thinking about Bella's dad's reaction Ava: As far as I'm aware, my dad doesn't have a shotgun Ava: or an excellent moustache Ava: definitely not James: Mine does, on both counts, but the mentality simply isn't there James: war of words is as far as things have so far escalated Ava: That's a good visual Ava: what about your mum? James: she's very busy lining up every single woman she's aware of between the ages of 20 to 30 within a mile radius or so Ava: Very Mr Darcy Ava: I'll gatecrash James: I look forward to the dramatic dance scene during which we only touch palms & exchange looks Ava: I bet Lizzie Bennet didn't 😳 Ava: shame my sister isn't around to push over so your parents are forced to take us in whilst she languishes James: 😂 James: I'll happily push my sister over or let her fall through an iced over pond to further our romantic narrative Ava: 💘 Ava: I know it's less about me but I can swoon nonetheless James: if you're 😳 then you'll have my full attention regardless Ava: Promise? James: yes Ava: even if the single ladies have really good period costumes? James: well, I hadn't considered that Ava: 😏 Ava: rude James: before I decide, what are you going to be wearing when you gatecrash? Ava: Obviously something unexpectedly knockout Ava: am the protagonist, need I remind you James: okay, what I'm hearing is anything you already own or could pick out from anywhere given a few moments Ava: You're adorable Ava: how did it go really then? James: does that mean I'll get to see you before there's a seasons changing montage? because I really want to Ava: Providing you don't need to exile yourself, of course James: I'm sure there's now several people in both our lives who would like me to, but I won't Ava: They were as receptive as I expected but I've made it clear I won't be stopping seeing you, hopefully put to bed the concerns I can James: in my case, the only concern is outward appearances so there's very little I can do even if I particularly cared to James: & Teddy isn't concerned so much as shocked & appalled Ava: Of course Ava: at least I'm an addendum re. the main issue of the whole divorce, in that case? Ava: yeah, do you think I should make a point of talking to him or give him space? James: will you? as far as he's concerned I haven't made a good decision within his living memory, but you two are friends, or were Ava: I'll try, definitely Ava: if I can make him see it's as much my decision as yours, it might help, in the end Ava: and I can handle another person having their say James: thank you James: I meant what I said, I'm more than willing to discuss this with your parents, at any point James: I can handle that Ava: Thank you Ava: I think it might help Ava: but I also think I'm gonna give them a cool-off period or it won't be at all helpful and that won't be at all your fault James: understood James: I'm currently having to employ a similar situation with Jay's playdates because her friend's mothers cannot possibly keep their nose out of my business or their mouths shut about where hers is and every other single detail they believe to be fact Ava: Oh lord Ava: I wouldn't have envied you having to socialize by-proxy with the self-professed yummy mummies before but now Ava: I can only imagine Ava: Poor Jay Ava: I can't offer a human child for playdates but Frank is always down Ava: and my lips are, naturally, sealed James: I was hoping to take them away for a few days but it's as though my dad has decided that in lieu of my failings in other areas I need to suddenly become the hardest worker in the history of this company Ava: Of course Ava: Hmm James: because obviously what my children require most in their mother's absence is to also see me less Ava: Well, yeah, that's not potentially traumatizing Ava: thank God for School being right 'round the corner Ava: and Matty still being portable James: I've been bringing them both to the office & the bulging vein in his temple is honestly such a strong contender for the book cover Ava: 😏 That's how you do it Ava: risk his health and wellbeing so you get the time off for yours James: King's didn't teach me everything I know, I've got a few tricks Ava: When are you giving me that tour? James: When can I see you? Ava: When is your dad not working you to death? Ava: I can make it work James: [A pause while he figures that out] James: he's out of the office all day on [a date in the foreseeable to make this office hookup a thing] Ava: No offense but if your brother shows up again you need to send him on a really long coffee run James: as you said, school is right around the corner, meaning my parents priorities have shifted back to making sure he'll go Ava: In that case Ava: 😈 James: 😇 for saying yes Ava: I have ulterior motives, I promise you James: oh really? Ava: really Ava: it's very unfair I've yet to see you in your work clothes James: [sends her a pic because nobody can stop him] Ava: um hello 😍 Ava: you're really going to be away from me looking so good Ava: unfair James: I'm sorry James: I really, really am Ava: Me too Ava: I've not seen you enough to warrant how badly I want to right now James: [a casual essay about how much he misses her and wants her and everything he wishes they could do, in a saucy way but also just in cute ways like] Ava: James James: Ava Ava: I really love you, you know James: I love you too James: what I most wish is that we could go away for a while Ava: That would be Ava: so good Ava: maybe we could in like the Christmas hols, when everything has calmed down Ava: hopefully James: it would be indescribable Ava: I have no doubt you would do your best Ava: and it'd be impressive James: the subject matter lends itself to nothing but my best Ava: I'm honoured🙇 James: so am I, especially by that visual Ava: Gutted I'm out rn and can't immediately fulfill that wish for a visual like you did Ava: when I get back though James: [sends her an even better visual] James: until then, there you are Ava: oh, well, you aren't distracting at all 😖 Ava: definitely gonna get you back when you're so hard at work James: 😈 James: I so badly hope you do Ava: I intend to Ava: every day of the week Ava: but especially when I get to come see you James: you know, the things I intend to do to you on this desk drastically shifts the audience we're going to be able to pitch this book to Ava: You'll have to restrain your imagination in the write-up so the audience can use theirs to fill in the blanks Ava: because there's no way we're leaving your office 'til we've done everything you've thought of James: finally some overtime I'm not upset about Ava: It's all about balance, right? 😇 James: & I'm aware that you've got very good balance Ava: Will that help me be the best good luck charm on your best I can be? 🤔 Ava: intriguing 😋 James: absolutely, but if you need any more help, I'll help you Ava: You're very helpful, baby James: I try to be Ava: I've never met anyone like you James: I don't think I'll ever meet anyone else that comes close to you either James: I certainly haven't before Ava: Good Ava: I don't need to think about competiting so soon James: you don't need to think about it, full stop Ava: not 'til the dance, anyway James: even then, I'll only have eyes for you, that's the cliche Ava: Of course Ava: doesn't mean I'm not gonna do everything within my power to ensure it's worth your 👀s while James: I don't want to dance with anyone else, Ava James: I don't want to do any of this with anyone else Ava: I know Ava: you know I feel the same too James: you know I couldn't have done this without you though Ava: You did it all though, all the hard conversations and hard decisions James: a lot of those decisions were made for me, so there's limited credit due, & a lack of conversation with her just cements that Ava: Yeah but the ball is in her court on that one Ava: you're if not ready at least willing whenever she is James: of course, because that's not a decision, to not act, not any more Ava: yeah, and that's going to be a good thing Ava: even if it is not good all the time James: I'll be interested to see if she gets in contact before school starts because that's unlikely to be a good thing Ava: Yes, I wonder if this is just a summer holiday or Ava: makes you wonder what she's even doing that could keep her so 'busy' James: whoever cleans the pool, probably, not that she'd ever admit to such a cliche Ava: 😬 Ava: definitely not getting paid enough James: 😂 Ava: I'm just glad that right now you don't have to deal with her on the day to day, even if it's only a momentary reprieve, it'll never be that bad again James: me too, I can't & won't pretend that I didn't know how bad it had become but actually getting a break from it makes me wonder how either of us dealt with that for as long as we have Ava: I bet Ava: she must've been as sick of it, even though she was the one not letting go and doing the fucked up shit, that has to be exhausting to live like that Ava: full level hell beast all the time, like 😈 Ava: sorry, I'm not fully sure where the line is re. her Ava: but I've been hearing great things from Nancy and Buster today so, that's in my head James: it's okay, you're not wrong James: & neither are they Ava: Okay Ava: if it's ever weird or like, not up for discussion though, just say the word Ava: or several, as you're especially loquacious James: there's a fantastic word Ava: as far as safewords go Ava: I can think of a few situations where it might be hard to get out but isn't that half the fun James: I'll make a note of it, because yes, that's definitely a large percentage of the thrill Ava: I wish you were here Ava: I only am to get away from my parents for a bit James: where are you? Ava: My friend's house Ava: Her sister is called Stasia, think she was your year-ish? James: I remember her, whether she would me, favourably or otherwise, I can't possibly comment James: I'll take you home when you want to go Ava: Really? Ava: well, I'll go at whatever time means I get some extra with you James: okay, I'll take that as my cue to leave now, not only because any reason to get out of here is welcomed though Ava: Please do Ava: talking about you so much has only made my need to be with you even greater James: I can absolutely relate & admit to having had the same urge all day Ava: Oh good Ava: we're on the same page James: that said, a necessary note in the margin would be that in actual fact I've felt that way much longer, because whatever I'm talking about, I'm thinking about you Ava: Sometimes I think I think about you too much Ava: but then I remember I'm the protagonist in this romance so it's not just acceptable but necessary James: you can do whatever you like, darling, it's your story Ava: In that case Ava: read on James: voraciously Ava: 🤤🤤 James James: I'm just making sure we're still on the same page Ava: You're gonna have trouble keeping me on the page Ava: and making me go home James: & the driver's eyes on the road, we may need more than the Twilight soundtrack on this occasion Ava: Pride & Prejudice 2005? Ava: gotcha, honey James: 😂 James: yes, exactly Ava: 😊 Ava: I love you so much James: I miss you so much James: if I could take you home with me, I very happily would Ava: I know Ava: one day James: after the move to the other side of the river, because we both know there is a line Ava: It's pretty exciting, isn't it? James: I'm glad to hear you think so because I was going to ask you if you'd like to come house hunting with me Ava: I'd love to! James: [a possible date soonish] ? Ava: That should be good for me Ava: I'll let you know if otherwise Ava: it'll be nice to look at some actual decent places, let's face it, I doubt my student digs will be all that inspiring, like 😏 James: barely room for whatever hazing pranks they have in store, I'm sure Ava: I'm still not convinced that particular visual doesn't just come from a certain type of movie, babe James: you'll have to let me know 😏 Ava: I'll make it good for you James: my faith in you remains unwavering Ava: 🙇 James: have you reconsidered your stance on spoilers? Ava: That does depend James: oh? Ava: have you dumped fake girl? James: she was very slow to accept her fate, but yes Ava: I can't blame her Ava: I wouldn't wanna lose you either Ava: [picture, assumedly in her friend's room or somewhere not just in front of them like oh hey] James: Ava Ava: Make traffic move faster please James: I'll do the quickest rewrite possible & see you at your friend's door Ava: I'll be waiting so patiently James: & I'll be waiting impatiently James: 😇 & 😈 Ava: I think you deserve to be 😈 right now Ava: been a long day, yeah? James: yes, though it feels longer now, stretching out with the queued traffic Ava: 🥺 Ava: we'll just have to see it as motivation to not waste a single second James: it's a promise, in or out of traffic Ava: I'm so lucky James: if you think you are, then I need a better word to describe my own fortune right now Ava: I'm just really happy Ava: in spite of anything else, everything else, right now James: good, me too Ava: 🥰 Ava: you deserve that even more James: you deserve more than I can possibly give you, however patiently you wait Ava: nuuh James: yes you do Ava: 😣 Ava: no Ava: and I want you James: I want you, I'm well aware that it doesn't mean I deserve to have you Ava: How could you possibly not James: because James: the reasons I lack words to describe you aren't even close to the reasons I lack them to describe myself Ava: but I can't describe you either Ava: not just because I'm no writer James: but you do, all the time, in both words & actions I can vividly see myself the way you think of me Ava: I'm glad Ava: keep looking, okay Ava: we'll work on the believing bit James: okay James: if you'd like to get in the car, we can start immediately

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: You coming home soon or what? Rio: Um no, not yet? Rio: You don't need to wait up, babe Buster: Well you're gonna wake me coming in, like Rio: Alright, I'll go in with Indie then Buster: That bedroom ain't far enough from mine to make that much difference, babe Buster: But I appreciate the sentiment Rio: Come on, we won't be going out of our way to make noise Rio: Got some manners, like Buster: I never said you would be trying to Rio: Well Rio: you want me to get a hotel or what? I kinda wish you told me this earlier Buster: Calm down Buster: It ain't that drastic Buster: I'm just saying Rio: May as well sort it before it becomes it like, save both of us the aggro init Buster: It sounds more like you're trying to start some than save us from it Buster: But whatever Rio: How am I starting anything? Oh my God Buster: That Buster: Fucking attitude from the second I open my mouth Rio: You came in with one, how was I meant to react Buster: That'd be why you're out and you don't wanna be in, yeah? Buster: Even though I reckoned that was the point of having her here but you know Rio: The point is so she can clear her head and chill, forget about shit at home for a bit Rio: What, you reckon I shouldn't have taken her out? It's not like I'm letting her get fucked Buster: What do I know I ain't there Rio: It ain't my fault you've got footie early tomorrow Rio: you're hardly missing anything Buster: Come home then Buster: If it ain't worth putting the hours in Rio: She's having a good time still Buster: Indie can have a good time anywhere Buster: Including here Rio: Why do you need me to come back so bad? Buster: I don't Buster: I just thought you would be Rio: Sorry Rio: I'll see you in a few then Buster: Fine Rio: Still don't know why you've got a mood on for though Buster: I told you Buster: Sorry I ain't looking forward to you two crashing in fuck knows when Rio: And I told you, we ain't going to Rio: and also said if you're that concerned we'll go elsewhere Rio: you don't get to complain when I'm out here offering solutions Buster: Yeah 'cause you have so much control over Indie now Buster: She don't know how to do anything quietly Buster: It doesn't mean I'm gonna kick you out Rio: Do you not want her here? Buster: What kind of question is that? Buster: I'm not gonna send her back, am I? Rio: Yeah but do you want her HERE Rio: because if you don't then say Buster: That's what you want me to say so you can leave Buster: I'm not stupid Rio: I'm not going to make her stay somewhere she isn't wanted Rio: she feels that enough as is Buster: If I didn't want her here I'd have said before now Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Would you though Rio: 'cos I didn't give you chance Rio: I just assumed but it's fine Buster: I ain't that whipped, whatever everybody thinks, cheers Rio: Whatever Buster: Do you wanna go? Is that what this is? Rio: Go to the nearest Travelodge? Like nah, it's not ideal but whatever, like I said Buster: That's not what I meant Rio: That isn't a question of want, we both know I always had to go back Buster: Yeah, but is the timing right or isn't it? Buster: Would you still stay if you could or nah? Rio: Of course I would Rio: Why are you even questioning that Buster: 'Cause it's different now Buster: Bubble's burst and it ain't just you and me anymore, like Rio: I didn't know that's how you felt Buster: The longer she's here the more homesick you're gonna be Buster: Missing the way things were before Buster: And if Drew's out the picture then there's nothing to stop you Rio: Here was never the full time plan, you're going to fucking Uni over there, like Buster: But not yet Rio: They ain't handling it Rio: I have to go back Rio: like I said, I don't want to, so don't try and act like I do Buster: What so I have to handle it here by myself? Buster: They've got me so outnumbered Rio: Baby Rio: Difference is I know you can handle it Rio: you don't need me Buster: Just as fucking well really, isn't it? Rio: Fuck you Rio: I've done so much for you if it isn't good enough then seriously, fuck off Buster: So now I've reached the limit of what I'm owed then and its every man for himself, yeah? Buster: Didn't realise I was on borrowed time with it, like Rio: You're just looking for a fight right now Buster: Nah, you're just telling me that I don't get to need you anymore 'cause they do Buster: That's how it's gonna be, I'm 2nd and they're all 1st Rio: That's stupid Rio: not what I'm saying or how it is Rio: I'm trying my best to divide my time equally Rio: like you said, it ain't just us, and this past, however long it's been I've been giving ALL my time to you Buster: Forget it Buster: Whatever I say I'm the bad guy Buster: Keeping you from your fam and real life Rio: Who said that? Rio: That's what I wanted and needed Buster: But not anymore so if I tell you to stay past this point that's what I am Rio: No Rio: but you'll be disappointed Rio: we both know I have to Buster: Yeah well Rio: Nice Buster: Maybe you should stay somewhere else, make it easier on us both when you leave Rio: Are you fucking serious Buster: Tonight can be a trial run Buster: I've gotta get used to you not being here sometime Rio: You're a pussy Buster: Fuck you Rio: Seriously, you're gonna try and get out of this now Rio: like we haven't done this before Rio: like it's not temporary Rio: what the fuck, Buster? Buster: It's a night Buster: And an idea Buster: Christ Rio: I'm not stupid Rio: I know what you're saying Buster: What? Buster: Tell me what you reckon I'm saying, go on Rio: Nah enough Rio: this conversation has gone down the way you wanted enough for one night Buster: Who's being a pussy now? Buster: Say what you're trying to say Rio: It's pretty fucking apparent you're saying if I go back you can't do this anymore Buster: If you're gonna put words in my mouth pick less fucking stupid ones Rio: Well you want me to leave pretty bad right now so Buster: No I don't Buster: Don't be an idiot Rio: Don't call me that Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Forget it Buster: No Buster: Look, I'm saying it'll hurt and I'm not ready for it and it's not what I want Buster: That's all Rio: I know, me too Rio: so I don't know why or how we're arguing right now Rio: it's a waste of time Buster: 'Cause I thought it'd make it easier to just be mad Buster: But it doesn't Buster: And I'm not Rio: I'm sorry it hasn't worked Rio: now I know I can give it another shot to really get you pissed off if you wanna, like Buster: Shut up Buster: You know I'd put up with having our entire fam in this house if it meant you were too, yeah? Rio: Yeah Buster: I love you more than anything Rio: I love you too Rio: We'll make it work, alright? Buster: 'Course Buster: I'm not losing you Buster: Never Rio: No, you won't Rio: so cut the crap, yeah Rio: let me come home Buster: It doesn't have to be now Buster: But yeah Buster: I want you here Rio: I want to now Buster: Then come home Buster: Please Rio: Okay Rio: Please don't scare me like that again Buster: I won't Buster: I'm so sorry, babe Buster: I didn't mean to Rio: Let's just forget about it forreal now Rio: I don't want it to spoil things Buster: Whatever you want Buster: Do you need me to come and pick you up? Rio: That's alright, already called a ride Rio: getting our coats now, always fun Buster: Poor baby Buster: I've been known to leave them there rather than try and collect, honestly Rio: Oh babe, living up to your rep Buster: It exists for a reason, like Rio: This coat cost a fortune I ain't letting some random have it Buster: Nance would be proud Buster: Fashion is suffering or some shit Rio: Close enough, babe 😂 Buster: I just look good I don't need a mantra about it Buster: But you know Rio: Alright, no need to rub it in, like Buster: Shut up Buster: You're beautiful and you always look it Rio: Yeah yeah yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: Seriously Rio: Try and get back in my good books harder 😜 Buster: Behave Buster: I'm being honest Rio: Shh give me a big head Buster: My goal is that you won't be able to fit through the door so I can be the hero and help you in Rio: Such a 🤓 Buster: 'Cause you love it Rio: True Rio: very considerate Buster: I want you to love and miss me again Buster: Very selfish Rio: When did I not? Buster: Well you won't stop now Buster: Guaranteeing it, like Rio: You're so cute Buster: You're everything Rio: Love you Buster: I miss you Rio: I won't be long Rio: you gonna let me come in your bed or what now? Buster: I'm already in it so that's up to you, babe Buster: But you know I want you Rio: I know Rio: you 😴 baby Buster: Just thinking about you Rio: All good I hope Buster: What do you reckon? Rio: Hmm Rio: I don't hate my odds, like Buster: Good Buster: Don't Rio: What you thinking baby? Buster: Getting ideas of how to make things up to you, like Rio: You still got time, our ride ain't here yet and Indie's gone to get food Rio: make the most of it Buster: 'Course she has Buster: But yeah I'll use it wisely Rio: just a question of what sauce she gonna spill all over my clothes, like 😏 Rio: pleased to hear it Buster: Thank fuck she ain't wearing mine Rio: The dry cleaning bills Rio: nightmare 😂 Buster: If my clothes are gonna get trashed I'd rather be the one doing it and getting something out of it Buster: But whatever Rio: Not a bad rule Rio: though it gives me lots of 😈 ideas Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yep Rio: Lots and lots Buster: None of my shirts are gonna have buttons left, are they? Buster: I know how you think Rio: Damn 😂 Rio: I'm so predictable, huh? Rio: cut me deep, babe Buster: I'm just in this that deep with you Rio: Nice save 😉 Buster: It's fine, I'm not wearing one right now anyway Buster: This is bound to inspire you differently Buster: [Sends pics of his topless joggers aesthetic moment] Rio: 😩 why you trying to kill me Rio: you know, if you'd opened with this, I woulda been there like that Buster: I mean, I was fresh out the shower earlier so I wasn't wearing anything when we first started talking Rio: 😒 BOY Rio: so mad at you for holding out on me Buster: How mad? Rio: Mad enough that I got to tease you back now Buster: From there or when you get here? Very different things Rio: Think you deserve both, tbh Buster: Good luck, babe Buster: I'm looking irresistible right now Rio: You reckon I ain't? Buster: I reckon you were the whole time you were getting ready to go and I managed to resist you then so Rio: You ain't the only one with willpower, babe Rio: Trust Buster: It ain't me you gotta tell Buster: It's about trusting yourself, babe Rio: Be cocky whilst you can Buster: It's confidence Buster: But if you're so sure I'm wrong, seeing these won't have any effect whatsoever, yeah? Buster: [Sends his fresh out the shower pics from earlier] Rio: None whatsoever Rio: Nope Rio: You make it so hard to be mean to you 😩 Buster: Let me be nice to you Buster: I really want to Rio: How nice? Buster: Selflessly Buster: The kind of nice when its all about you Rio: Baby Rio: Tell me I can say yes Buster: You're gonna be saying it soon whether I tell you to or not Rio: I'm so weak for you Buster: That's okay baby, let me know when your cab's here and I'll come and get you Buster: Save your energy Rio: Why are you so good to me Buster: You're mine Buster: I gotta keep you Rio: I don't deserve it Buster: Bullshit Buster: You deserve more Rio: No Rio: anyway, I want you, not more Buster: You deserve me bringing my best for you all the time Rio: When do you not Rio: you're so good Buster: When I'm being a prick Rio: Well, even then Rio: it's only 'cos you love me that much Rio: I get it, I feel it Buster: Yeah, I know you do Rio: You didn't mean it did you Rio: I mean Rio: am I not there for you enough Buster: Shut up Buster: I was just trying to make you stay Buster: You were closer to being right when you told me to fuck off, like Rio: Okay Rio: I just had to check Rio: if any of it was valid, I wanna know, like Buster: Babe no Buster: You've always be here for me Buster: Even when we had to find excuses to talk Rio: Good Rio: because I try, I really do Buster: I know Buster: I will it Buster: feel* Buster: Everyone else does too, Indie included Rio: She does now Rio: I was so immature, I should've dropped that boyfriend shit ages ago Buster: You didn't want her thinking that you were down with it or that she should be Buster: You weren't wrong Buster: Drew's her dad it's no wonder she thinks men are cunts but you were trying to get through to her otherwise, like Rio: Yeah Rio: I don't know Rio: I just keep thinking I've handled all of this really wrong Buster: Baby Buster: You handled it as best you could Buster: Better than a lot of us Rio: It's done now, like Rio: If I need to do better I only can going forward so Buster: Me too Buster: Like you said, we're gonna make this work Buster: Not just us, all of it Rio: Together, yeah? Buster: For fucking ever Rio: For fucking ever baby Buster: I still wanna marry you Buster: Don't forget it, yeah? Rio: I can't wait Rio: I mean, I can Rio: but I really wanna marry you Buster: Everything is gonna be so good Buster: We just have to get through this shit first Rio: Easy, yeah? Buster: 'Course Rio: I always miss you in cabs Rio: such a waste Buster: It doesn't have to be Buster: Think about what you want me to do when you get home Rio: Not a bad idea Buster: I never have any Rio: Okay then, prove it to me now Buster: Tell me how Rio: Well, it has to be your idea, sort of the point 😉 Buster: Fine, twist my arm Buster: I've already set up a spa vibe for you Buster: 'Cause I don't want you to be stressed Buster: And I can't be sending you to an actual one at this AM probably Rio: Baby Rio: you're so Buster: Plus, it would be rude if you let some random masseuse or whoever touch you like I'm gonna so there's also that Rio: I don't want anyone else Rio: only you Buster: Good 'cause I want you so fucking badly Buster: I ain't been able to concentrate since you left here looking like that Rio: Whenever I'm not with you I just think about how good it'll be when I am again Buster: I'm gonna make you feel really good, baby Buster: Promise Rio: You already are Rio: it's very distracting Buster: I ain't even started yet, trust me Buster: I'm gonna take my time Rio: Yeah? Buster: I just need to decide if I'm gonna work from top to bottom or the other way around Buster: Can't rush these things Rio: I need to kiss you Rio: please start there Buster: 'Course, I gotta get you from the car and lay you down Buster: Plenty of time for kisses Buster: Keep breathing though, you're meant to be relaxing Rio: I'll do my best Buster: I know you will Rio: Jesus, I just keep looking at your pictures Buster: Tell me what you're thinking about Rio: How much it's going to drive me crazy feeling your body pressed up against mine when you're taking your time Buster: I have so many different oils to play with Buster: I can't wait to see which one is your favorite Rio: You've really thought of everything, haven't you? Buster: No half measures, babe Rio: I hope not Rio: I want everything Buster: The ice don't need to stay in your drink if you get too hot either Buster: There's plenty Buster: But obviously I've made cocktails for the full spa experience 'cause no amateur Rio: Just fucking marry me already 😻 Rio: I feel so bad for everyone else because they don't get to be with you Buster: Say that again Rio: Marry me Buster Buster: Jesus, I love hearing you say that to me Rio: Good because I mean it Rio: and I'll keep asking 'til it happens Buster: I'm so in love with you Buster: Fuck Rio: I know baby Rio: I never thought I'd have this Buster: Me either Rio: I wanna give you everything Buster: You do Rio: Yeah I do, Daddy Buster: Be home now Buster: This is ridiculous Rio: You're telling me Rio: this place and fucking traffic Buster: It's one thing I won't fucking miss Buster: There's a whole list, like, but Buster: Right now traffic is the worst of it 'cause I won't stop aching for you until you're here and I just Rio: Yeah, it's been just what I needed whilst I've been here though, but then I don't go to your School, try and convince 'em as I might that I need to hand-deliver you your lunch or whatever Rio: I know, I'm so needy Rio: it hurts Buster: How much longer? Buster: I'll pay him to hurry the fuck up at this point Rio: We're barely 5 minutes away but total standstill Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: Excuse me while I find you and carry you back, like Rio: At least then I wouldn't be squirming in my seat trying to hide how turned on I am Rio: she's lowkey passed out but still Buster: Am I gonna need to carry her in the house first? Rio: Nah, I think she's just that bored of waiting Rio: Girl, me too Rio: she didn't get that fucked, which was a pleasant change Buster: Good 'cause it'd be hard to hide how turned on I am if I did have to Buster: And she don't need to be getting that idea Rio: Mhmm Rio: or you getting confused and giving her everything you've been promising me Rio: not on my watch Buster: Never, babe Buster: It's all yours Rio: Say that again Buster: I'm yours, Rio Rio: If we were any closer I'd get out and walk Rio: fuck me Buster: Don't tempt me Rio: I just love you Rio: I don't wanna waste a second Buster: Baby Rio: I want you to moan that into my ear so desperately I hear exactly how bad you need me Buster: God, I wish you could hear the sounds I'm making every time I read these messages Rio: You're so fucking perfect, don't ever change Rio: we're gonna be making so many sounds together so soon Buster: I need to feel you and taste you Buster: Come home Rio: I'm already so wet for you as soon as you touch me I'm going to cum for you Buster Buster: Say that again Buster: Fuck Rio: I'm gonna cum for you Buster Rio: you've got me so close I can barely stop myself from grinding my pussy on this seat Buster: That's so hot Buster: I'm getting you a ring before you leave London, I have to Rio: you mean it Buster: I mean it Rio: Baby Buster: You don't have to wear it yet if you don't want to but I want you to know you have it Rio: I wanna wear it Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: I don't care anymore, I want everyone to know I love you and I'm yours Buster: Me too Rio: It's not like we have to tell anyone anything official Rio: but I'm not going to deny it or not enjoy it fully Buster: Okay Buster: Good Rio: As long as you agree? I won't do anything you don't wanna and vice versa Buster: I'm with you, babe Buster: If they ask then they ask Buster: I'm not gonna stress about it either way that's not what this is supposed to be, you know Rio: Exactly Rio: You can be engaged forever, it isn't a commitment to any time Buster: We both know we can wait Buster: We've done it before Rio: 'Course Rio: Waiting 'til daddy earns big so we can do it right Buster: Only the best for you, obviously Rio: Anyway, my parents can't say shit to me Rio: shot 'emselves in the foot there, like Buster: My dad can try but like sorry she didn't say yes to you first time Buster: 18th the charm or whatever Rio: Awh 😂 Rio: Perhaps don't lead with that when the time comes, babe Buster: It ain't my fault that he probably did it angrily like how he did everything back then Rio: Damn Buster: MARRY ME don't have the same ring to it, no pun intended Rio: Your Mum was clearly still feeling it though Buster: It wasn't like she was living life any different Buster: Never gonna be chill was I? Rio: Not much chance Rio: Even Nance, who you'd think was from first look, has the flair from the dramatic so Buster: She's got loads of anger she's just better at keeping it inside Buster: With her secrets Buster: Cheers for loving me anyway, like Rio: Yeah Rio: Like I'm the picture of perfection over here Buster: You are though Rio: Don't be daft Buster: I ain't Buster: I'm right Buster: You're so fucking perfect Buster: It's how you've got me feeling this way Rio: You're very cute Rio: Biased, but cute Buster: I'm gonna make you see it Buster: Even if that takes forever too Rio: Well we're here Rio: can start now Buster: Good Buster: I can't wait Rio: Hmm, what happened to taking your time? 😋 Buster: Shhh Buster: I can't wait to start taking my time, then Rio: It's alright, you know I don't really want you to Rio: I don't know if I can handle it, I need you Buster: I know, baby Buster: I'm coming to get you now, don't worry Rio: Better but Indie to bed first Buster: 😒 True Rio: The sooner she's asleep the sooner we're alone baby Buster: Yeah Rio: You pouting 'cos you can't carry me? Rio: There's still plenty of time for heroics, don't worry Buster: There better be Buster: I know you don't want to take things too slow but Rio: I'm still unbelievably turned on Rio: ain't gonna read her a bedtime story, like, we're good Buster: You think you want me now, just wait Rio: I know I do Rio: but if you wanna have me begging for it then you know I don't mind Buster: There's so many things I wanna hear you say Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: But if I have to make you then I'll be the one begging 'cause I need you just as bad as you need me Rio: Trust baby, you don't even have to ask nice Buster: I love you Rio: I love you

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Nancy: Do you want me to come down and stay with you, it can't be much fun just having Buster for company, like Rio: That's okay, I can't have you playing truant too Rio: I'm going to make him go back before long, swear Nancy: Ri, please. You know what school is like for me, any excuse, I swear Rio: Your 'rents would have me like forreal Rio: I know how shit it is, even more now, soz Nancy: Do you hear them shouting down the phone to him? No 'cause they aren't Nancy: Not to be that bitch, 'cause it's so not funny, but you have kind of taken the heat off me so Nancy: I owe you Rio: Priorities, like, though I dread to think what happens when your Mum gets to me on her list Rio: Reckon I can claim that as any kind of excuse/reasoning or? Nancy: Don't worry nobody exists to her right now but my Auntie Nancy: Which is a sentence I never thought I'd say Rio: I know, but that's good, I mean Rio: as good as anything can be Rio: You know I never meant to do this to her, right Nance? Nancy: Of course Nancy: I think I understand better than most, right? Rio: What do you mean, like? Nancy: You and him Nancy: You didn't mean to, like I didn't, but it happened 'cause it had to, you know? Nancy: You can't help how you feel, even if you want to Nancy: Especially when you want to, like Rio: Oh, no no Rio: It really isn't like that Rio: like, I hear what you're saying on all that but that's not what that was Nancy: You and him aren't Nancy: I don't know how to word it now Nancy: But he looks at you like Nancy: And you're always tilting your phone away for someone Rio: Not him Rio: I wouldn't lie, I'm not saving myself from anything at this point, if that was going on I'd tell you Rio: He wanted it to and, yeah, I knew that before this baby shower but I didn't lead him on or encourage him Nancy: Okay, well now I feel weird Nancy: Fuck, I'm sorry Nancy: I really projected there Rio: It's okay Rio: It'll be the general consensus and almost certainly how he'll frame it but no Nancy: It's not okay Nancy: He did that and I've been talking to you this way Nancy: Wow Rio: I mean, I don't think I did Rio: I thought he was good looking, sure and I tried harder with him than most of us did but Rio: I didn't actually want anything to happen, nor think it would Nancy: I'm as bad as him so there's nothing I can say Nancy: But I still think you'd know if you did or didn't Nancy: And if you didn't want anything to happen, the signals are there, even if you are that committed to only seeing what you wanna see Nancy: He can ignore them but like, you still gave them out Rio: Don't say that, you aren't like him at all Rio: You'd never do or say half the things he did Rio: especially when he had so much reason to know I wasn't interested, you're right Nancy: I mean, I did kiss someone who didn't want me to Rio: It is different, just by nature of what it is, was Rio: Should you have done it? 'Course not but there was never reason or chance for Sian to give out the clear no I did Rio: Because, well, you know Nancy: Yeah Nancy: If I thought for a second that she didn't want me to, I wouldn't Nancy: He clearly didn't have the same qualms about it Nancy: That's so disgusting Nancy: On levels that I can't even Rio: I know she won't be ready to hear it Rio: probably not ever from me Rio: but Ro is better off without him Rio: he's still dealing, which I think we all knew Rio: and I've seen him out, he isn't her Prince Charming, like Nancy: Me and mum have been saying it for as long as they've been together Nancy: As much as she'll talk about any of it to me Nancy: I've overheard more than she's probably ever said but Nancy: I feel like I can't tell her either 'cause it's like oh the man hating lesbian at it again Nancy: But he's just Rio: He really is Rio: and he isn't a good Dad Rio: maybe he'll be better for this one but, he isn't to Edie and Indie barely thinks of him that way either so Nancy: Poor Astrid Nancy: Maybe we can move Ro in with us now? I don't know Nancy: Like it's at a point that I'd move into Indie's room at hers if she'd let me Rio: I'm glad she's got you all around, she's going to need the help Rio: My Ma and all of them will be there too Nancy: Let's be honest, she would of even if he hadn't done this Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: I'm never having kids ever Rio: Yeah Rio: I was joking that that shower was effective contraception before but now Rio: fucking hell Nancy: It's made me not wanna have sex again and I can't even get pregnant so Nancy: Good lord Rio: Think that's the first time I've legitimately laughed since Rio: Oh babe Nancy: Rio? Rio: Yeah? Nancy: Where are you gonna be? 'Cause you said your family will all be there but Rio: I don't know, honestly Rio: but my job at the angel is coming to an end and then with all this Rio: I might try somewhere else, just for a bit Nancy: It worked for me Nancy: I'll miss you though Rio: I'll miss you too Rio: You're gonna be going soon too though, yeah? And June and Buster Rio: I don't want to be the only one left behind just 'cos I don't have the brains, like Nancy: We'd never leave you behind Nancy: You can go in my place if you want, change the major to maths or something Nancy: I don't want to Rio: You've got to Rio: You're just scared, but it'll be incredible, and the right thing for you, most importantly Nancy: I'm really, properly scared whenever I think about it Nancy: What if it's worse than here 'cause I'm alone on top of everything else Nancy: I can't just change schools like I did before Rio: You can, like, that first year Rio: but you're not going to want to, it'll be nothing like School Nancy: Everything's changing so much, like you said Nancy: I'll even miss Buster, and what the fuck is that, like? Rio: He'll be wanting to visit all the time Rio: Me too, like Nancy: I need to see where I can get accepted first, slow down you two Rio: You so will though Rio: World's your oyster Nancy: Yours too Nancy: And we still have Milan, yeah? Rio: Romantic 😉 Rio: but yeah, I've not drank away my funds or anything drastic yet Nancy: I was gonna say I love you, but I'll keep it to myself now, fine 😏 Rio: New drama alert Rio: they'll not survive Nancy: Don't Nancy: I can't handle any more Nancy: It hurts so much, doesn't it? Rio: It does Rio: got to believe that was rock bottom though Rio: can't get any worse, only way is up, all that shite Nancy: God, I hope so Nancy: Give us a break Rio: Backatcha Rio: No more scandals from either of us, right? Nancy: It's my brother's fucking turn Nancy: While I'm on the subject, can I ask you something? Rio: Sure Nancy: Why pick him for a getaway driver? Of all of us Nancy: I know what he said but Nancy: I'm not saying it's the weirdest part of this, but I'm also not saying it isn't Rio: Gays can't drive, right? Nancy: I'm a walking stereotype, alright, emphasis on the walking Rio: 😂 Rio: Exactly Nancy: Tell him not to spend every euro on himself, yeah? Nancy: Nobody needs to eat out every night in a new look Rio: I did drag him to Skerries, no doubt the response but I'll let him know Nancy: He loves it don't let him deny it Nancy: Even if he did nearly drown 🙄 Rio: Another touchy subject Nancy: When his ego is involved, if you aren't stroking it you're asking for trouble Nancy: Boys ugh Rio: Don't need to tell me, babe Nancy: I won't bother telling you that girls are far superior Nancy: What do I know? Rio: Is it? 😏 Nancy: Can you please come back soon so I don't have to drink alone Nancy: I need my wingwoman back Rio: 'Course Rio: London is on my list of maybes so might even meet you there, like Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: If you run into Chlo, you know what to do Rio: Absolutely Rio: Doubt I'm affording her postcode but I'll drop by with the 👊 Nancy: You doesn't even have that much money, she just acts like it Rio: If I can take any life lessons from the bitch, like Nancy: As long as you stop there and don't take fashion tips too Nancy: I still have to be seen with you in Milan, like Rio: 😂 Where's the lie Rio: she was stalking me a while back, bizarrely so I was petty and did some myself and yikes Nancy: I try not to be that bitch but I HATE her so much Nancy: Oh? How and why? Rio: Understandable Rio: I reckon she keeps tabs on us all, she's like weirdly obsessed with you and your Brother Rio: idk, she double-tapped by mistake, amusing Nancy: Gross Nancy: But I was the one who fancied her, okay babe sure Nancy: I bet she tries to look up all of Buster's conquests still, good luck with that Nancy: I'm invested and even I gave up years ago Rio: Honestly Rio: ain't in a mood to be talking about ladies who doth protest too much but well Rio: look what you made me do Chloe Nancy: Her and Drew should start a club and get jackets Rio: She'd love that Rio: get rid of 'em both in one, bit hopeful perhaps but worth a shot Nancy: I try never to feel any sympathy for my brother ever, but she really drove me there Rio: It was fucked Nancy: It's messed his head up Nancy: I can see how sad he is Rio: I know Rio: but he'll be alright Rio: we all will Nancy: Yeah Rio: I promise Rio: hit me with a more enthusiastic yeah thanks Nancy: yeah!! Nancy: I miss you already Rio: You're cute Nancy: Try and control yourself though Nancy: No drama, remember? Rio: 😂 Rio: It ain't gotta be drama baby Nancy: Are you gonna divorce yourself from our bloodline so we aren't cousins? Nancy: Quite drastic but I like it Rio: That's just the kind of dedication you can expect from me Rio: What can I say? Nancy: No other girl has ever gone that hard for me Nancy: So thanks Rio: Should hope not Rio: 👀 up the sibs now Nancy: 😂 Nancy: On the dedication scale in general, babe Rio: Whatever you say, McKenna Nancy: What I should say is that I have so much homework to do Nancy: Which I gotta since you won't let me skip 😒 Rio: Unlucky babe Nancy: As you're also insisting I'm uni bound I better stop complaining and just do it Nancy: So high maintenance you are 😏 Rio: Obviously Rio: always about that sugar Nancy: Don't be a stranger, like Nancy: And don't start preferring the other twin, yeah?