#but genetics paternal dna innit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

subtlesolitude-tailoredtaste · 10 months ago

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I am trapped I am stuck I am a product of desperation fear tragedy and love out of obligation . I am programmed to be an obedient African daughter, yet no one protected me from monsters Just bc they came from same country village area immigrant blah blah. Mother blames me for everything she’s just starting to say it a loud. She really blames herself but the guilt is big enough to gas light me into submission and beat her self up about it.

#the product of two people who do not love each other #is a severe childhood ptsd trauma only child single parent household suicida ideating since 11 loser adult child #no friends no family no one but a obident program daughter #mother gave me my confidence and crushed it in adulthood bc of her own failings #while I worked out my own #except I didn’t have the luxury of doing it out of her sight #ahh if my demons win it’s not her fault #it’s not even my deadbeat dad and her horrible husbands fault #it’s their own families #it’s their cultures fault #it’s their own country’s fault #it’s their home country and diaspora communities fault #I hate that they birthed me I hate more I’m to pussy to do anything abt it bc of weak mental shit #yes mom it is surprising I’m so weak bc you are my mom but remember who you procreated with #blame yourself for not putting a clothes hanger through to me as a fetus #rip aborted siblings #she saved y’all #she tried to save me #but genetics paternal dna innit #oh and maternal family if I could make y’all go boom I would know that #not a dime not a phone call not a hello on gods street #no older sibling to Shield me to protect me hshshshjkk #I can’t believe I grew up to be a statistic #lol sorry god sorry mom #sorry on my tomvtstone

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