#but free zayne memory coming!!!!

[starmocha]

do you want to build a snowman? (it doesn't have to be a snowman) [Zayne/Reader ★ 1655 words ★ Masterlist ★ Series Index ★ AO3] Sharing notes with Zayne. Day 01 — to: my true love (Sylus/Reader) A/N: Am I reclaiming the joy of Christmas or making myself miserable…yes!!! Tag list: @miudle @alfredosaws @nezukoo-channn @voidsylus @rose-tinted-kalopsia 【 request to be added 】

When Zayne had awoken one December morning, he had found a note tacked on his refrigerator under a Happy Snowman-shaped magnet. It simply had one question: Do you want to build a snowman?

He chuckled, amused by the playful random question. He searched around his home and found a small notepad. He wrote out this response and tore it off before tacking it onto the fridge under your note.

There’s no snow.

A glance at the clock and he realized he was about to be late for work. He quickly gathered his stuff and left his home, already missing you and anticipating your response.

You came home that evening and saw Zayne’s reply. You smiled, pleased that he had picked up on your little game, just as he always did. A pen in hand and a notepad in front of you, you sat at the counter, idly tapping the writing utensil against your face as you pondered a response.

Even though you and Zayne lived together, it had been a week since you both had properly seen each other outside of the occasional “hello” and “goodbye” in passing. The current conflicting schedules you both had robbed you of any quality time together, and you were starting to feel a little lonely, wondering if he felt the same.

You smiled wistfully, knowing this was just a temporary situation. When it was over, you planned on making up for lost time.

I didn’t ask that. Do you want to build a snowman?

You stared at the message, frowning, and then you quickly wrote down an additional note: (It doesn’t have to be a snowman.)

Smiling, you placed the note beneath Zayne’s message.

When it was five in the morning, you stumbled out of bed, yawning as you headed for the bathroom. Along the way, you fumbled in the dark and suddenly found yourself pulled into a familiar embrace, the crisp scent of peppermint waking you up more.

“Yes,” you heard Zayne’s voice before his lips claimed yours. Pressed up against the wall in the hallway, you felt Zayne’s hands cupping your face, all of his feelings poured into the kisses he lavished you with. “…I …mmhmm …snowman …with you…”

You moaned and gasped against his lips, the relentless kisses stealing your breath away. “Mm…ah…Zayne—”

“Five days,” he mumbled, his hands finding their way down to your hips, his hold firm but gentle.

The dizzying kisses in combination with your sleep addled brain left you a little slower than normal, unable to grasp what he had meant after the sudden whirlwind of emotions he had put you through. You could only let out a confused, “Huh?”

Zayne chuckled and kissed you a little more before he pressed his forehead to yours. “Five more days and my schedule will calm down again.”

Oh. You smiled. This time you were the one cupping his face. “Then we’ll be together again?”

“Yes, my love,” he answered, “And we’ll build as many snowmen as you would like.”

You giggled. “But what if there’s no snow—”

In the dark, you saw a light flurry of snow swirling and descending around you, the slight chill had you shivering against Zayne for warmth. You smiled again, eyes glancing from his open palm up to his beautiful gentle yellow-green eyes. “You’ll make it snow?”

His warm breath ghosted against your lips. “Yes,” he answered, “only for you, my love.”

Although you shared the same home, the distance had felt vast, seeing only each other in the brief instances when one would wake and the other was about to go to sleep. Now, you felt that distance growing smaller, each day you were closer and closer to resuming life together just as before.

You continued to leave notes before going to bed:

What did you eat today?

And he would come home, exhausted, but his energy would always renew at the sight of your handwriting. Always smiling and with a little laughter, he would scrawl out his own barely legible handwritten note, and tacking it beneath yours:

Greyson bought curry for me. It wasn’t as good as yours.

Some mornings, you woke up with him asleep next to you, unaware of when he had come to bed. His arm would always drape heavily over your stomach, making it a challenge to leave the bed without waking him. You always managed to succeed, and if he did stir, you would just gently stroke his head, your voice soft and soothing enough that he would be lulled back to sleep with just a few sweet words.

With a light kiss to his cheek, you would slip away and let him rest as you began your own day. There was always that delighted anticipation of seeing his responses, but occasionally, there was the sweet surprise of seeing his own message to you:

It will be cold today. Bundle up. And drink something warm today. I don’t want you getting sick.

Yes, Doctor Zayne! ♡

I’m ready to kick your butt in Kitty Cards, Zaynie!

Does Miss Hunter have some new tricks up her sleeves? I’m anxious…

How many macarons did you eat today? Don’t lie to me! I have eyes on you at the hospital…

Just three. (And one éclair.)

As you reread Zayne’s latest message, there was a brief bittersweet feeling that lingered. You wondered if all of these back-and-forth notes between you two were reminiscent of schoolmates sharing secrets in between classes. It saddened you for a moment to think of all the years you and he had missed out on growing up together.

You wondered how your lives would have turned out if you and he had been able to stay together. You thought of the afterschool snacks you would have shared. Trips to the arcade together. Late night study sessions. Early morning walks to school. Clumsy first kisses. Bittersweet goodbyes when he would graduate first.

You sighed wistfully. Looking down at the blank notepad in front of you, you only had one message you wanted to tell him:

I miss you.

There was a chill early in the morning, typical of December, and you shivered, feeling yourself waking up from a dream you were already forgetting. Feeling a shift in the bed, you started to become more alert. There was a sudden weight pressing you down, a familiar scent of peppermint tickling your nose, and then you heard a warm voice near you.

“Do you want to build a snowman?”

Blinking, you found yourself staring into Zayne’s eyes.

“You’re home…”

He leaned down and nuzzled his face against yours. He smelled like he had just come out of the shower. It was so refreshing and comforting. He murmured against your ear, “You didn’t answer my question.”

“There’s no snow—”

“Look outside.”

You blinked, confused.

Zayne led you to the window, opening the curtain and beneath the glow of a streetlamp, you saw snow gently descending and slowly accumulating on the ground. You turned around and smiled at him, shaking your head.

“No,” you answered, grabbing his hand and leading him back to bed. You both lay down, your body pulled into his. You stayed close to him, feeling his head lightly resting above yours. “I just want to stay in bed with you.”

He laughed softly. Zayne pressed a kiss to your head, his eyes closing as he murmured sleepily, “I’ve missed you too, my love.”

“You missed me a lot?”

“A lot.”

“For real, for real?”

He opened one eye, his brow lifting in skepticism. “What are you up to now?”

“Nothing!” You said quickly, making Zayne even more suspicious. You burrowed yourself into his embrace. “I’ve just missed hearing your voice as well…”

He laughed softly, as if in disbelief. He pulled you even closer to him, giving you a gentle squeeze. “Should I tell you a story?”

“Aren’t you tired?”

He shook his head.

“Liar.”

“Maybe I am,” he admitted, “But I also miss talking to you…”

You looked up. “How was your day?”

“It was normal, a little busy,” he answered.

“Did you eat on time?”

He shook his head. “No,” he said, a hint of guilt in his voice, “I had a meeting that went on a little longer than expected. What did you eat yesterday?”

You pondered, trying to recall your previous day. “I had a smoothie for breakfast, and then Tara dragged me out for ramen at lunch, and dinner—what did I have…”

He chuckled. “Take your time…I have all of the time in the world for you.”

You smiled and leaned up to kiss him. “I don’t want to be the only one yapping,” you said.

“OK, then let’s talk,” Zayne answered as he brushed some hair out of your face. He looked at you, as if he was relearning all of your features, remembering everything that he loved about you. He continued, “We’ll talk until we fall asleep.”

“First one who falls asleep has to make breakfast when they wake up,” you told him with a mischievous glint in your eyes. You then reminded him, “I like French toast with mixed berries please.”

Zayne answered your challenge with his own smirk. “Oh? Is Miss Hunter going to beat me?”

You nodded eagerly.

He sighed. “I think so, too.”

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, sighing softly. “What do you want to do today? My time is all yours.”

You pondered and then you hugged him tightly. “This,” you answered, “Just being with you.”

“What a coincidence,” Zayne murmured, his eyes feeling heavier, “That was what I wanted, too.”

“What a match,” you yawned.

The world stilled, a quietness settling as the snow outside continued to gently descend from the dark sky. You lay in his arms, safe and secured, as if you two were living in your own snow globe, a world of your own making, created for just you two.

[empty-vessel-of-a-person]

Rough Relationship Timeline with Zayne based on his Memories

This is just my observation. Not All Memories are included. May Contain Spoilers for those who just started the game. I maybe wrong in some parts as nothing on this blog is confirmed by Infold PTE LTD.

Pre - Relationship Stage

Sweet Conspiracy

The awkwardness is a bit heavy here. They still do not know how to talk to each other and M/C learning about Zayne having a sweet tooth.

She doesn't know how to return his jacket but does not want to leave it at the hospital's reception. Probably a good choice. Who knows? Some nurse might just stole that jacket away. ;)

M/C knows he is in a medical conference but doesn't know when he'll be back. So they are not communicating well yet. Maybe just a few convo here and there when she's in for check up.

But my favorite part is when M/C indirectly say that she wants to see Zayne outside of the hospital by saying "You'll call me so I can get my candies back when I'm free.. And we'll see each other again"

This memory clearly shows who M/C is really interested to. She wants to see him again and even if it's awkward with him when they just saw each other again, she is clearly interested.

Glittering Lights

Zayne's paying attention to M/C's emotion and monitoring her in Social media. This thought alone clearly shows that Zayne is already particularly keeping an eye on her since they met again in the hospital.

They are also not fully acquitted yet which is why M/C is quite unsure to start conversations with him. But it shows how Zayne is trying to learn little things about her. He is not yet familiar with what she likes hence him asking her americano or latte.

They have a connection. When they are trying to find each other when they got separated during Zayne's sudden phone call, even M/C felt it. It's like they both felt that they are looking for each other and their eyes met.

And the most obvious clue that they are not yet an item, is that awkward goodbye wave. But it's cute because they are expecting more.

Gentle Twilight

This was the first time Zayne ask M/C to go with him as a mutual support agreement in doing things to make them relax. Why I think so? They never expect to see each other in the library and when he thinks M/C is going to refuse hiking with him, he grabs a book about medicine to ensure that she will come with him.

They still not keeping tabs on each other directly.

M/C calling Zayne as "Dr. Zayne" seems professional rather than teasing.

Please remember hiking and pottery lessons.

Neon Nights

She refers to Zayne as a friend and they just keep bumping to each other.

Zayne is clearly jealous that M/C buying a gift for someone. He's actually quite bitter.. hehehehe

Isn't it amazing that even they disagree and not in a relationship at this time, they are perfectly in sync and fight wonderfully together. Which is why they are great together.

Delicacy

Well M/C thinking Zayne needs to correct his classmates when they said she is his girlfriend.

They are already more acquitted in this as they already agreed on meeting up and they are learning new and more things about each other.

M/C is also picking up Zayne's habits and likes as she know he likes the food there.

Zayne is comfortable in introducing her already.

Zayne's also indirectly confess to her here. (I want to strangle Astra if you know what I mean!)

In a Relationship Stage

Tranquil Heart

This may not be a solid proof, but I think they started their relationship right after this memory.

Although it came out as a friendly banter between them, Zayne is clearly upset that he was not taking care of herself more. Not to mention being caught sneaking out at the hospital at the dead of the night.

But this is where the last line of the memory played out for the start of their relationship. Zayne again indirectly confess to her by saying "That he can't ignore you even if he wants to."

This line is so strong in so many levels. 1, it can imply on Foreseer seeing M/C again. He has a choice to either move on from her but he chose to stay and dedicate his life for her.

2 if he made a promise to her as a kid, it is forgivable if he forgot to help her with her sickness. But from then on he just simply existed for her. I still got chills thinking of what have Zayne must have felt when he first hug and kiss M/C.

Tranquil Moment

I think this is their early relationship stage because M/C is more familiar with Zayne's schedule now and she is seeing him to have dinner dates.

They are planning a dates and doing small things like making snow man and watching the snow. This simple things are one of the sweetest things as they mark the beginning of their relationship.

Drunken Intimacy/ Exclusive Tutorial

He is bringing her to events and showing her to classmates and colleagues. He is definitely showing her off and proud of her being a hunter.

He is being territorial. He warns M/C not to visit other doctors and keep close to her when someone wants to talk to her.

Spring Remnants

They are doing charity events together.

Notice how Zayne takes the box from M/C? This is not just him being gentleman because the next thing he say is "Allow me" referring to taking the box from her and the "Go register first" meaning M/C and Zayne are close enough for M/C knowing his details.

Zayne holding her hands.

At the end, Zayne says "Let's enjoy Spring together from now on" indicating they indeed start dating and Zayne wanting for them celebrate spring as a couple moving forward.

Starry Nocturne

I usually refrain from talking about this memory. Not only of it's heavy emotional content, but I can clearly feel the exhaustion and fear from Zayne.

If observe closely, you can see how they understand each other without a word. Zayne just looks at M/C and she already understood. The gesture is so intimate yet so wholesome.

They way they understood each other and the way she comforts him. M/C might have know that the exhaustion and fear comes with the thought of her in his mind.

Its given that they are already together but Zayne is still in a race against time. He might be busy with patients but all this effort as we know is to find a permanent cure for M/C. He works tirelessly for her. To not lose her again. And this brings me to one of the things that may be difficult to swallow for everyone.

While Xavier and Rafayel are still tied to their memory of M/C in their previous lifetime, Zayne is the only one leaving the past behind, embracing the present, and was fighting for a future with M/C. Words are not enough to express how deep and far his love could go and this is exactly why I love Zayne so much.

The Next Level Stage

Ramblings Come True

AGAIN, Although I cannot say this is a solid evidence, but when Zayne says "I was... referring to something you wouldn't regret" It was like he is asking for her if she is ready to take their relationship to the next stage and she agree by saying when she gets better. (M/C have a cold)

Fleeting Sweetness/Cozy Afternoon

M/C was able to enter Zayne's home while he was sleeping. Meaning she already have the keys to his home solidifying the fact that they are indeed in a relationship. I know mostly Japanese are more symbolic at this its like giving someone more

They are sleeping on the same bed on his house or at her place. M/C buying him him a pajama set.

They instinctively and freely touching each other. Be it holding hands or hugging.

Lingering Warmth/End of Depth/Heartstring Symphony/Business Trip/Snowy Serenity/Hidden Motive.

Do I actually need to explain this? hehehehe It's really obvious so I'll leave it there.

Final Thoughts

Zayne and M/C have a steady and strong bond when it comes to relationship. They might have tiptoed around it by not saying a direct "I Love You", but they live and breath for each other.

Isn't cute that they find a way to saying their true feelings by saying "The Moon is Beautiful"?

Thank you Infold for bring Zayne to us. If may just a game for other, but Zayne is my comfort zone. Having him is like having something that will be forever consistent in my life.

[zylusmusings]

"my star, that's not what i had meant." xavier's voice, as always, is as gentle as can be. she's over-consumed with anger, grasping at straws in attempts to validate her desperate want to scream at him, so she tries to think of a time when he'd raised his voice at her, and she can't. not even by a singular decibel.

xavier, a man so fitting of his angel-like features, was the kindest and gentlest soul she's ever known. even during their biggest fights, (she wonders if he'd even consider them fights, because he never fights back) he'd only ever gently explains his thoughts as she snaps and throws her arms up in frustration. this time, it's no different.

"oh come on, xavier. you meant exactly what you said - you don't think i can do it!" she speaks accusingly, deep lines of upset drawn in between her brows as she frowns. "you said "i don't think it's a good idea to involve yourself in this mission," did you not?" xavier opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it soon after. because she was right, she had quoted him verbatim.

she scoffs, shaking her head as she glares at her lover. "and yet, your name was the first one i saw when they released the list of hunter confirmed for the mission! do you see me as less, xavier? i know i'm not as experienced as you are, but i'm still a good hunter!"

xavier has his head hung low, blonde strands covering his guilt ridden blue orbs. he feels guilty, there's no question about it. yet, the small selfish part of him, ruled by the memory of his dying lover's body turning cold in his own arms, makes no way for regret to reside in his body. till this day, though a long time since the memory was birthed, there isn't a day where the feeling of his legs growing numb from staying frozen in place, fearful of any minuscule movement that will reinforce the fact that she has died, doesn't haunt him.

it was not as though he isn't aware of her capabilities as a hunter. she was talented beyond words. the way she moved and danced with the swords and weapons against the wanderers like the battlefield was a stage for her very own recital - her skills captivates him every time he had the honour of sharing the battlefield with her.

but he won't lie, ever since doctor zayne himself had pulled him aside secretly after he had accompanied her to her monthly appointment to advise him to be cautious of her overexerting herself physically at work due to her heart condition (and though neither doctor zayne nor she has given him much clue about the true urgency of her condition, he cannot help but be haunted by the fear and frustration in the cardiac surgeon's eyes), the fear has kept him up on more nights than he thought possible.

he's still silent, unsure how he'd like to go about this. as worried as he is, he bets it's an even more difficult experience for her to go through. her condition was something they barely talked about, she often shrugs off the topic every time it was brought up. xavier understands that she fears it too - almost to the point that she overcompensates for it by being too fearless. xavier wishes they could just simply talk about their fears together, but he doesn't know how to.

"so? nothing else to say now?" she almost challenges him, scoffing yet again in disbelief as she finally pulls her glare away and crosses her arms. xavier actually has a million and one things that he wishes to say, the bulk of it being apologies and the truth that's been weighing so heavily in his heart.

xavier is soft spoken, his body often the pen that writes the words he wishes to speak. "i.." he begins, then shakes his head as he steps in front of her, and so naturally, gets on his knees. an arm wraps around the back of her knees, and his free hand captures one of her own. he finds strength in the warmth of her skin, a reminder and reassurance that she was still alive and well - and he shan't squander this chance.

"i apologise, my heart." he sighs, grateful when she doesn't pull away. there is still stiffness and hesitance in her body and he doesn't blame her for that, understands that she's upset. nervously, he looks up at her, a little desolate when he sees her purposefully looking away. he takes her hand to his lips, where they press a soft kisses on each of her fingers. he doesn't know the intent is to comfort her, or himself. though he enjoys the imprints of her skin against his own, would tattoo the art lines of her fingerprints onto every inch of his body if he could.

"without a doubt in my heart, i know you're the bravest woman alive. enthrals me to no end how you're so beautiful, so talented and so intelligent all at the same time. all the marvels in the world stored in you." his eyes never once strayed away from her face, and you could see the twinkling in his eyes as he continues to watch her like she was the embodiment of the flowers that bloom in spring - and this garden was a place he'd be the most devoted pilgrim for. and with the honour of being the one she loves, how could this soldier not want protect his beloved treasure?

"but in all honesty, i'd been a bit worried since your last appointment. you've never truly told me what happened, so i don't know how to gauge things." he continues his explanation, still on his knees as he continues to press his kisses against her skin. this part of the explanation though, sends a shiver down his own spine as he recollects the reality of the situation. his star might not be okay, and he doesn't know what to do to cure her, except to just protect her. pulling his eyes away from her, he whimpers and presses his forehead against her abdomen. "i'm just scared."

the prince of philos is on his knees. a man with enough power to rule a planet, but in his eyes, that will all go to shame - rendered useless - if he can't find a way to save her.

"i understand that you don't feel comfortable with telling me what's going on.. but i know that it's not good. i don't know how to make you feel better, so i figured at least, i could do my best to keep you from harms away." he feels her fingers comb through his blonde locks, and he impossibly nuzzles closer to her, his arms tightening around her torso. "if you tell me what i can do, my love, i'll do it."

"i swear to you. tell me what i can do. tell me what you need, and i'll travel a million times around the world for it."

[cordidy]

Grieving...

The LaDS men helping you after Josephine and Caleb's fake death (cause he definitively is "shady guy" idc).

I took the part of not dating cause I wanted some friendly comfort and since Zayne is a chilhood friend I assumed he would be more present than the others, hence his is longer (😏🤭)

TW : mention of death, funeral

Featuring Zayne, Xavier, Rafayel and Sylus.

English is not my mother tongue.

- Zayne was in surgery when the explosion happened and it's only a couple of hours after you got admitted to Akso's ER, when he got back to his office to relax, that he got the memo as your physician.

- He spends the night by your side, refusing to move until you wake up and holds your hand the next day when the police comfirms they did not find any remains in the rubble of the house.

- The man will be HERE for you all the way down, moving onto your couch the moment he brought you back home. While he can't clear his bussy schedule, his free time will be dedicated to you, making sure you get healthy meals, rest and all the support you need but also leaving you space of needed.

- Zayne is very organized so wether it's the paperwork with the insurance or the funeral organization he will help and will even step up to take decisions when you mentally can't.

- He's madly in love with you but won't try anything innapropriate in your weaken state, going as far as gently push you away when you try to hit on him one night just to feel something else than the despair you've fallen into.

- "Not like this" he will whisper as you try to kiss him before breaking down in his arm. He will hold you while carressing your hair to try and sooth you thou, kissing your forehead gently, lulling you to sleep with sweet words.

- The day of the funeral he stands by your side, holding your hand tight to remind you you are not alone, your fingers intertwined being the only thing grounding you.

- On the following weeks he will abuse his prerogative as you physician to check your tension and run tests to make sure you are not letting yourself drown in sorrow. Dropping by you place after work will also become a habit and he won't hide the fact IT IS to check up on you, no shit given at the side eye you give him while he is cooking you dinner instead of instant noodles.

- Xavier finds out when the news reaches the Association.

- He will volunteer to bring you flowers and condoleances on behalf of your coworkers and will offer to drive you home when you get discharged from the hospital since you are neighbors.

- He will find ANY occasion to show up at your door. "I ran out of sugar" "do you have hot water ?" "The delivery guy (he bribed) gave me your package" all of these just to check on you without saying it out loud cause he knows you don't like people seeing you in a weak state.

- He will barely get sleep as he wants to be sure he won't miss your knock on the door when you'll start doing the same just to not be alone with your thoughts.

- It will become a habit for you to fall asleep on his couch whihe watching a movie to try and change your mind since your place, so full of memories, will become unbearable. His place will turn into your sanctuary even when he is at work as he gave you a spare key.

- After the funeral, once you're back to work, he will always offer to train together whenever he sees that look in your eyes, just to keep you busy and will start to do some overtime (mainly in the firm of sleeping at his desk) so he has an excuse to walk home with you.

- Whenever one of your friend come to visit and he knows he had a couple hours he will take the opportunity to turn the N109 zone upside down, looking for intel

- Rafayel heard about the explosion on the news, like everyone else but did not realize you were involved so, when you did not answer his messages for the past 3 days (cause you were at the hospital) he got pretty annoyed at being ignored, spaming your phone with complains.

- One evening, he shows up at your door unannounced, all pouting and whinning, thinking the bruises on your face are from another "stupid mission" and it's the reason you didn't show up to his last exhibition when he "really needed you to protect me from all these snobs !"

- "You obviously don't care about me or your job as a Bodyguard ! I could have died over the past 3 days and you wouldn't care" He complains dramatically, not expecting you to snap at him (very poor choice of words from his part thou !) and break down in tears, telling him how immature he is, that the world doesn't revolve around him and you don't want to see him again before slapping the door to his face.

- Thomas is the one telling him what happened when he reads about the upcoming funeral in the news and Rafayel is mortified. He shows up at your doors with flowers and when you tell him you don't want them he stops you "they are for your family..."

- He will spend all his nights on the phone with you, talking about everything, listening to you cry or just being there and won't hang out until you fall asleep (also answering on the first ring whenever you call him back if you had a nightmare)

- Sylus is not around at that time but that doesn't mean he doesn't know someone is trying to frame his organization and himself for the explosion. He will remain in the shadows thou while trying to find out who did it.

- Not being involved with you yet, it's not really about you but more about "fuck around and find out" to him.

- Luke and Kieran will attend the funeral discretly to keep an eye on the survivor and see if anything suspicious happens.

- You also start noticing strange little trinkets left here and there, a little coin, a shinny rock, a pretty leaf....

[aether-starlight]

Auscultation- Zayne

Pairing: Zayne x Reader

Warnings: None. Brief mention of poor eating habits.

Summary: You come to the hospital for a check-up regarding a past shoulder dislocation. 

Word Count: 1k

Note: This is a continuation of Mending, but can be read as a stand-alone.

Zayne was talking. Or at least, his mouth was moving. 

Instead of paying attention, you were being haunted, once again, by the memory of him. The ghost of his hand over your cheek, his perfume, and the tension of his proximity. 

You wondered if he could tell you were distracted, or if he noticed the entranced stare you gave his lips every once in a while. They reminded you of his breath brushing your ear, of his palm pressed over your eyes, cool and steady.

Until an unexpected statement broke through your fixation.

“I will need you to remove your jacket.” 

If you hadn’t known him for such a long time, the tense set of his jaw may have slipped your notice, just like the slight clearing of his throat. 

Was he angry you were distracted?

“Oh,” you breathed out. “Okay.”

It was a quick removal. After all, one of your arms was in a sling, so the leather jacket was only wrapped around your shoulder.

Having supposed something like this would be necessary —this wasn’t your first dislocation, unfortunately—, you had brought a top, which meant the only barrier between your joint and his hands was a menial string. 

And you were not nervous about that. Nope. Not at all.

You stifled a shiver at the low temperature of the room and sat on the stretcher in a swift motion—being a hunter had its perks, it made you agile, even with an injured arm.

“I’m going to examine the area,” Zayne’s voice was soft, almost breathless as his hands hovered over the space where your shoulder met your neck.

You smacked your lips together and felt yourself relax just a little. 

“Okay.” 

His fingers were as cold as the room, startling you when they gently pulled the string of your top out of the way. 

You gasped.

“Forgive me,” he said, avoiding your gaze at all costs. 

His hand hovered over your skin, giving you a second to adjust. 

“It’s fine, Doctor Zayne.” 

You quite liked calling him that, liked the nervous edge to his voice when you did.

“Does this hurt?” He pressed down the pads of his fingers with moderate force.

“Not really,” you hummed. If anything, it felt kind of nice.

Zayne cleared his throat once more, shifting his grip to your forearm. 

Your heart rushed at the slide of his skin over yours, goosebumps rising in its wake.  It reminded you of holding his hand, the way the scars on his knuckles had felt as you brushed your thumb over them.

“Your iron levels were below average in your last check-up. Have you been eating well?” He asked.

Now it was time for you to be nervous.

“Of course,” you lied, lowering your gaze to his tie. 

Like everything concerning him, it was freakishly neat, with an understated geometric pattern in shades of gray. 

He probably measured it with a ruler before buying it. You pictured it: his unforgiving focus, the concentrated tilt of his mouth as he gripped it between lithe fingers. 

Unfortunately, said focus was now drilling a hole into your head.

“Fine, I may have skipped meals, you know I forget to eat sometimes.” 

“I suppose I should be grateful you don’t forget to breathe,” he quipped. 

“You are so prickly, you know that?” 

You played with his stethoscope with your free hand, following the bob of his Adam’s apple with a satisfied smirk. 

“I’m not prickly,” he denied. “I’m serious. Does this hurt?”

He gently rotated your arm, slow in his movement.

“And I’m not? Doesn’t hurt.” 

He gave you a loaded look, resting your hand back on your lap.

You mercilessly stifled the disappointment that rose at the pit of your stomach when he let go.

“Wouldn’t be the first word I used to describe you, no.”

You pressed the stethoscope’s bell to his chest, earpieces already in place. 

“Wow, your heart is beating pretty fast, are you sure you’re not the one with the heart pro—“

“Would you quit that?” He interrupted, sounding somewhere between amused and irritated as he unwrapped your fingers from around the bell. “It’s not a toy.”

“Sorry,” you fidgeted with the tubing before passing it to him.

“What’s with you today?” 

“Can’t help it,” you beamed. “Too much coffee.” 

Zayne tucked a strand of your hair back, stifling a groan of frustration. He was a weak, weak man.

When his palm curled around the shell of your ear, cradling it like something precious, he surely knew abstaining from temptation was a lost cause.

It was now warm, absorbing the heat of your skin. As soon as you left, his hands would probably run back cold. 

Somehow, that thought made something unpleasant unfurl within your chest. It felt malleable and elastic, it wanted to stretch itself and pull him close.

“What am I going to do with you, hm?” He asked, voice low. 

The whole world could be crashing down outside, Wanderers running rampant, and you wouldn’t know.

You let out a stuttered breath.

“What do you want to do with me?” 

It was meant to come across as teasing but crumbled halfway into something nearly hopeful.

The heat in your eyes snapped Zayne out of it, clearing the cloudiness from the hematite and amber in his gaze.

He stepped back, returning to the haven of his desk, where he closed your file with finality.

“Your shoulder seems to be healing well. I recommend you watch it closely and let me know if any discomfort appears.” You had never heard his voice so close to shaking.

“Zayne.” You stood from the examination table, feeling on edge.

“That was unprofessional of me. I’m sorry.” 

“What is it?” You insisted.

There was something between you, a wall that he carefully built. 

It became eroded with every interaction, shortened into something almost letting you peek into the other side, but never quite enough.

Your chest ached and it was ironic because nowadays you couldn’t always tell if it was from emotion or the Protocore fragments in it.

Zayne sunk into his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose. The room’s temperature dropped, ice spreading against the glass of the window behind him.

“Zayne—” 

Your hand hovered by him, eager to provide any comfort you could offer, but his body language made you doubt. 

He was still hunched over himself, face turned away from you. The hand that wasn’t covering his face was closed in a fist, frost forming over his knuckles.

“Please…” he breathed out your name. “I need time.”

Your mind drifted back to when you fought that wanderer together, the way the whole room had frozen over afterward, his urgent insistence for you to leave.

“Okay,” you gave in, stumbling back. “Whatever it is, you know I’ll wait for you.”

[wolfofcelestia]

Zayne’s load size tier list

I wasn’t expecting my next tier list to be this but I couldn’t stop thinking about Foreseer so here we are

Contains: This is a tier list about cum. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Actually, everyone just look away tbh no one needs to read this ahdkshskdg

S Tier

Foreseer. He’s been frozen on his throne for most of his life, waiting to impart his prophecies to those who come to him once every hundred years. Even when he’s awake for these moments, the thought of sex never crosses his mind. So when MC comes to the tower and makes him feel all these new feelings he’s never felt before, all that cum in his balls waiting millennia to burst out finally has a chance to make an appearance

And my boy’s packing a LOADED WEAPON

Foreseer is a fucking fountain of cum. Powerful streams of yearning, aching, finally bursting free

This man isn’t just S Tier. He’s an S+++ Tier cum machine

A Tier

Dawnbreaker. He’s always thinking about his dream girl, whether he’s awake or asleep. He’s seen the way the doctor’s hands caress her skin, heard the way her breath hitches, seen the way her mouth hangs open when she’s taking his cock so desperately. Those dreams give him all the motivation he needs to milk his own cock night after night. He doesn’t need anything extra. Just the thought of her is enough to make him cum over and over again

The tank is never empty when he’s yearning so desperately for someone that it feels like his heart has a gaping hole in it and he’s bleeding out

It makes him feel connected to her, to have the warm feeling of dopamine and oxytocin flood his brain and make him feel like a part of her is with him. He’s desperate to feel her, to get close to her, to express his love to her… but he’ll have to settle for being alone with just his memories of her

B Tier

I’d consider this a normal level, one where they’re more… emotionally stable lol

Doctor Zayne. He’s definitely kept busy by MC’s needs. They may have busy schedules, but they plan their dates and end up having sex in regular intervals, meaning he’d be able to release regularly. His body would produce a fair bit, enough to satisfy MC when she gets frisky. And girl knows she wants what she wants. Overall, Zayne would have a healthy sex life with a healthy amount of cum

Master of Fate. He’s had wild nights with some priestesses in the past and that would’ve put him into A Tier, but by the time he meets MC, he’s calmed down and matured. He doesn’t want women as offerings to him anymore. He wants a true lover

And he loves MC in a similar way as the doctor does. His love is sensual, appreciative, generous. He makes sure his lover is well-sated before he focuses on his own desire. He isn’t in a rush to reach his climax. He’s had centuries of countless climaxes already. His main focus is to make MC feel good

[gay-dorito-dust]

Love and deepspace boy getting you back for touching their butt when theyre angry and turn away from you pls (I hope you know what I mean)

Honestly had no idea what Xavier would do in retaliation, so I kinda just skipped him. Plus I didn’t want any of them sounding repetitive of each other and that I couldn’t think of anything…

Rafayel

‘I’m not just gonna grow a tail, even if you touch it over and over again.’ He muttered after you smacked his ass, pouting as he rubbing his backside as though you bruised him with your playful swat.

You scoffed, he always acted as though that any form of activity would make him bruise like a peach but when in reality he was just being extremely dramatic; so basically being himself.

So when he began to ignore you shortly after the incident, you weren’t at all shocked nor were you worried as in the end Rafayel always tended to be the one to come crawling back for your affection and attention; you often joked that he couldn’t last a day without pestering you with text and voice messages, attempted FaceTime calls and calls in general and needless to say he took that as a personal challenge but failed just under a record breaking five seconds into it.

However this felt a lot different then to the other times he’s ’ignored’ you.

He was scheming and you were rightfully skeptical.

One day, you had grown bored of his recent antics that you started to head towards the front door and were just about to leave when something caught the corner of your eye; a discarded paintbrush. ‘What the-‘ you sighed before marching over to pick it up, less then amused. ‘I swear I’ll have to get on Raf’s ass for leaving his shit lying about sooner or later because one day someone’s going to get hurt-‘

SMACK

You looked over your shoulder to see a smirking Rafayel and everything started to come together for you.

‘You just smacked my ass.’

‘Yep.’ Rafayel replied, almost as if feeling accomplished.

‘But did you have to do it that fucking hard?’ You complained as you were now the one pouting and rubbing your sore backside as though you were an easily bruised peach.

Rafayel shrugged. ‘You did it to me first, so-‘

‘Yeah but I didn’t smack you nearly as hard as you did just now.’ You cut him off before muttering to yourself. ‘That’s gonna bruise and make sitting down a whole lot harder. Thanks for that.’

Rafayel pretended as though he didn’t hear you and moved past you to pick up the paint brush with a look upon his face as though he had been searching all over his impressive studio for awhile, pocketing it not long after. ‘Aww that must really suck, for you that is, hope you’ve got an excuse on hand for the instance that someone takes notice and starts asking questions.’ He then gave you a look of false sympathy, patting you on the shoulder before leaving you to focus on his latest painting.

You fucking hated him sometimes but couldn’t help but love him twice as hard for his stupid antics that you secretly adore.

Zayne aka ‘mr surgical knots.’

‘Is this really necessary?’ You grunt as you tried to break your hands free from the knot that was currently keeping your hands bound together.

‘Consider it a precaution for your,’ Zayne pauses to watch you struggle before continuing, ‘wandering hands.’

You chuckled humourlessly as you decided that it was hopeless in trying to get your hands untied, Zayne had done an excellent job in making sure that the knot was strong enough to keep your hands restrained but yet not tight enough to cause discomfort to your skin. ���all this just because I might’ve touched your ass?’ You asked rhetorically, gauging at how his ears became red at the memory, before his evol kicked in and cooled his temperature significantly. ‘Seems a little excessive if you ask me but then again…it’s not exactly the worst punishment you could’ve come up with.’ You drawled, causing one of Zayne’s brows to raise in question.

‘So you find your current predicament to be…pleasurable?’ He inquires as he steps closer to you, making sure that he took his sweet time to admire his work and make internal pointers on how he could improve for instances where he maybe in need to use this certain knot again.

‘I mean you’re the one that’s putting words in my mouth.’ You replied, shrugging your shoulders,fully aware what this attitude of yours would bring should you keep it up.

Zayne’s jaw twitched unseeingly, he knew what you were doing and also knew that you were blatantly aware of what you were doing and so he tears this theory out by reaching a hand out, grabbing you by the restraint and swiftly pulled you closer to him until your chests were practically touching. Your eyes flickered to every inch of his face to see any signs but nothing; His face was still perfectly set in stone as it usually aside from his eyes, his eyes were glittering with an unusual look to them as they peered at you, that you couldn’t help but feel a little hot and flustered under such a unique gaze.

He then leans his head towards your ear and whispers in a low falsetto, ‘Would you like to find out just how pleasurable being tied can be?’ He drawls softly. ‘I can happily show you and help you get closely acquainted with human anatomy.’

[just-some-little-lads]

My Love, Like Winter, is Eternal

Summary: You find you can't sleep, and your partner resting right next to you listens to your late-night thoughts.

Word Count: 1.3k

Tags: SFW, Fluff, Second Person POV, gn! reader.

It’s easy to forget what lies beneath a frost. When the world is coated in so much snow, one might lose memory of the blooms in spring. Most people think of winter as this harsh and cruel season. It often comes hand-in-hand with negative metaphors like death or apathy or the end of any good thing. There was a time when you thought much the same. Now…you can’t help but almost feel bad for winter- for snow. There’s so much warmth there that goes unnoticed.

Poetic thoughts like these came easy to you in the early hours of the morning. Especially during nights where you couldn’t sleep. Maybe that’s why you found yourself finding feeling sad for an environmental passage of time of all things. Well…you had to give yourself some slack. There was a reason why snow had such a loving space in your heart; why you found yourself telling your coworkers who dared complain about the cold all the wonderful things you could do in the snow. Even after all the odd glances you got most times. A noble task, you would tell yourself. One might call you a…polar protector? A Snow Spokesperson! A Blizzard Bodyguard! A—

A large hand covered your face, cutting you free from your thoughts. After successfully catching your attention, the hand moved back to the body it belonged to. “You’re thinking too loudly…” Voice low, tone slightly slurred with half-consciousness, Zayne brought a thumb and forefinger up to rub at bleary eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose.

You felt a bit guilty for waking him up, knowing he’d be heading back to the hospital in a few hours. “You can read my thoughts?”

A huff of a single chuckle escaped him as he turned on his side towards you. As he spoke, his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you toward him. “I think I have a few years to go before I can read your thoughts, but I can read your body language. Tossing and turning, fidgeting hands, rapid breaths. Symptoms of someone far too awake. What’s keeping you up?” A note of concern seeped into his tone. He kept you close while fixing and straightening some wild strands of your bed-hair. Based off his smile, you could tell you looked a bit more on the disheveled side. Something he was all too happy to fix. Meanwhile, he still looked as refined as ever. Gorgeous, like a statue chiseled from ice plucked from heavenly mountain-tops. Or perhaps that was just the rose-colored glasses talking. You found yourself still falling head-over-heels for him, and crushing like you hadn’t been together for a while. “Hey…” Zayne’s smile faded, his hand moving from your hip to your cheek. Apparently, he’d taken you staring at him in silence as some sort of hesitation. “Talk to me. Is something wrong?”

Well, now you felt a bit sheepish. Zayne was probably thinking you were plagued by some kind of stress. “Just thinking…about snow.”

“Snow?” he asked, incredulous that something so simple was keeping you awake, almost looking more worried. “Don’t tell me you’re making winter plans already?”

“Not really…”

The mattress shifted as he propped his head up on his elbow and sighed. His forefinger began to trace the outline of your face. “Penny for your thoughts? I won’t be able to sleep if you continue being so cryptic.”

You groaned a bit, not able to handle the thought of him getting no rest just because of your silly mind. “I’m just thinking about how sad it is that the cold gets such a bad rap.” As you explained that, you noticed how his face contorted into a mixed expression of confusion and amusement. You gave him time to speak, ready to hear him laugh or tell you to put you and your crazy mind to bed. Nothing was said by him, seemingly waiting to hear your intense thoughts at three in the morning. “It’s always talked about like some heartless, lifeless thing, but it’s not! Ice cream is cold and it’s one of my favorite things! In winter, you can wear cute coats and scarves, warm up with hot chocolate, and snuggle up by the fire. Plus, snow is so pretty. When it falls…it’s so comforting. I just… I wish people saw all the good in it that I do.” You glanced up at him, still waiting for him to roll his eyes.

Instead, he only looked at you softly- lovingly. With a little tug, he pulled you closer, lying back down while tucking your head under his chin. “I see. So, you think winter is sad that so many people dislike it?” He adjusted the blanket around you both, making sure your heads were comfortably on the pillows.

For some reason, you felt like crying. Maybe it was just because you were sleep deprived. Or perhaps it was because you tended to forget how safe of a space Zayne was. He’d joke with you, follow along with the bits you came up with, even listen to whatever you had to say running on four hours of sleep like he’d also gotten a degree in therapy. “I bet it gets lonelier than the other seasons…”

“Hm.” He closed his eyes, and for a moment you thought he’d fallen back asleep. When he spoke again, his voice lowered, his face nuzzling your head ever so slightly. “I think…that the snow is content enough being loved by you.” Zayne’s body was warm. Perfectly so. His hand ran up and down your back in slow hypnotizing rubs.

“I’m just one person in a world with millions of people… It deserves more than just me.” You were starting to feel drowsy now, eyelids going heavy at a rapid pace. A little moan rumbled in your throat as you shifted about to get comfortable, turning on your other side so Zayne was curled against your back. His presence was like a soothing blanket, your body enveloped and protected from things that might do you harm. Ever your valiant healer even outside of battle.

A kiss pressed into the back of your shoulder as you slotted yourself against him, fitting like a perfect puzzle piece. “I don’t think it’s greedy,” he whispered softly. “It sees the way you rush outside to greet it when it’s snowing, even if you’re not wearing something warm. It’s happy to take on the role of being cold so your hot chocolate tastes that much better, feeling the heat run down your throat…into your stomach…sinking down into your toes.” The way he was speaking was slow and purposefully melodic, like the narration of those resting meditation videos. He was trying to put you to sleep. Zayne took a deep breath, like he was minutes away from falling asleep himself, forcing himself to stay awake until he knew you were at peace. “It’s glad to make the world quieter so you can find yourself drifting off much easier.” He kissed the back of your head, resting his face against your body with a large exhale.

For a moment, you listened to the soft sounds of his breathing, staring at the subtle rays of moonlight seeping through past the curtains. All the strange anxiety that had kept you up melted away. You had to admit to yourself that you weren’t quite worried about the winter at all. But you weren’t sure where the doubt came from. Here he was, making you feel loved like you never had before. “You think so?”

“I know so. The winter will…always be there for you. Forever.” A small waver of emotion filled his voice.

“And my love, like winter, will be eternal for you…”

With one last squeeze, he laughs. “Oh? And here I was thinking we were talking about snow, but I’m flattered.” Words laced with mirth, he tried to pass off that he wasn’t aware of the true meaning behind your worries the whole time. You jabbed him a bit in the ribs with your elbow. In return, he used his Evol to press an icy cold hand against your back.

In the end, you both ended up not getting much sleep at all anyway, but neither of you cared in the slightest.

[gentaro-kinniecom]

Let’s talk about it

Characters: Xavier/fem!reader

C/w: 1.5k! First person pov (read at your own risk..) soft sex, couch sex, cowgirl position, sex therapy(?), rough sex (ish?) dick piercing..

A/n: A mishap occurred, I got an anonymous request to write about Zayne coming home from work and having sex with the reader as a way to de-stress..and I read that as Xavier so I apologize but that fanfic is now in the making so don’t worry anon your fic is in process ;)

Hearing the house keys jingling against the front door, I was quick to get up on my feet to receive my loving boyfriend with a hug and warm smile that he always loved. However, upon opening the door, Xavier’s face looked..exhausted. He tried his best to smile and greet me like he’d normally would but I knew something was up.

“Good evening..should I go run the bathtub while you settle in from work?” I asked softly while holding his free hand as the other rubbed his eye, a sign of sleepiness while Xavier yawned.

“That would be..wonderful my dear, I hope it’s not much of a trouble for you” He said, almost apologetically as I kissed him, that was enough to reassure him that I was fine with it. After the bath was prepared, I called Xavier into the bathroom, placing some final touches like his favorite fragrance to the water and a bathbomb to accompany it, hints of lavender and mint infused the room while he entered, sighing, almost at peace.

“I hope this helps you relax a bit, we should talk about your day once you’ve refreshed yourself” Xavier nodded, not having the strength to answer as he kissed my forehead. I decided to then heat up some leftovers from yesterday’s dinner that ended up with kisses and cuddling at a late hour, though nothing happened unfortunately. The stress of being able to help many people was getting to Xavier, little by little until it all built up. Without having anything to do while waiting for the food to reheat, I walked by the bathroom, listening to the moans and grunts from inside, trying to peek from the small door crack. He looked so blissful after his orgasm that I nearly forgot the food on the stove. Just as I ran towards the kitchen, Xavier finished showering, a more relaxed face upon his features as he held his towel, looking my way

“Is everything okay? Did you burn the food again..?” He asked, sighing while going towards the laundry room and the living room soon after.

“No…? Okay, almost but it’s fine really!” I replied, sighing as he settled in the small love couch we’ve spent many nights on, the memories coming back to me as I prepared our plates for dinner. It was in that same furniture that I had my first orgasm, he was so gentle and caring; like he’s always been of course. Snapping out of my thoughts, I handed Xavier his plate while we watched an episode of our favorite series.

We finished dinner quicker than expected and all of our attention was taken away by the tv; or at least Xavier’s. I found myself staring at the choice of pants he wore, gray sweatpants that were usually not worn by him and shoved into the confines of our shared closet unless a special event came up. Without realizing, he chuckled softly, lowering the volume of the television as Xavier grabbed my hand.

“You’re staring, is something on my face? Or rather, my pants?” Oh. I knew he wasn’t that dumb or oblivious to anything I did, Xavier was always so attentive to any small details, whether it was my appearance or a change in my mood; It was so difficult hiding anything from him.

“Have you ever thought of talking about your problems or day while having sex?” I inquired, his face softened, has he dreamt about this before? Before I could even return back to my normal thoughts, Xavier already pressed my body against the sofa. His mouth nipped at my neck, traveling down towards my collarbone while responding.

“All the time, but, I never knew if you were into that, you know the last thing I would do is make you uncomfortable, right?” His soft lips met mine in a quick but gentle gesture. My arms wrapped themselves around Xavier’s neck, caressing his hair while making out with him. The friction between our clothes was enough to leave me whining against his mouth.

“I..know but, would you like to try it, today?” I paused, coincidentally at the same time he stopped feeling me up to look into my eyes with a smile, something telling me it was the beginning of something great for us.

“It’s all up to you, it’s not necessary to have sex just to talk about stuff, however..it would help out in other things..” Xavier’s hands took control of my thighs, wrapping them around his clothed waist as he began to mimic what it would feel like if we were fucking at that moment, in other words, teasing me. With his consent, I grabbed the hem of his sweatpants, (after briefly hustling to get him under me) admiring the way his cock sprung out while tossing the pants and underwear aside.

“I’ve missed this..truly.” He chuckled at my remark as I kneeled, grabbing his thighs while deepthroating him in one go, nearly gagging on his cock. Hearing my boyfriend moan was absolutely rewarding, especially since the piercing he had was indeed sensitive to each small touch given to it; the small prince albert piercing was enough to make my mouth drool. Bobbing my head up and down, his hand grabbed a hold of my hair, pressing my head onto his dick while grunting.

“T-that’s it..! Ah..please..! I’m gonna-!” I parted away from his cock, giving it a few more strokes. His cum shooting across my face in long white streaks; Xavier’s face was a bit red, mostly due to his overstimulation and embarrassment, making me chuckle as he leaned down to kiss me.

“This is..far from over, you know that right?” He nodded, allowing me to sit on his lap all pretty while he helped me get rid of his cum on my face. Moments later, I sunk onto his dick, pressing my hands against his shoulders for support while his hands grabbed my waist, letting him do all the work of thrusting into me.

“Work was so..ngh..tedious today. I had to deal with so many..people- ah fuck..! All so that I could come back to see you” Xavier explained how some wanderers attacked one of the bases that had vital information in. His thrusts became quicker and loose as he kept venting of his day. A sharp thrust made me moan as the highlight of his day was told.

“But..nothing ever beats coming here and wishing to fuck you like this every..single..day. Oh, c-can I?” He asked so softly, his voice nearly a whisper as I nodded, hips rutting to meet mine feverishly while cumming deep inside. Our lips met again, not wanting to let go as Xavier hugged me tightly, wanting to spend some warmth together.

“Feeling better now? If not, you know there’s always round two for more; both ranting and fucking” I spoke, breaking the silence of the room while Xavier’s eyes grew with lust. He smiled while pushing me onto the couch one last time, still connected while lazily thrusting forwards against my overstimulated and stuffed pussy as I moaned.

“Oh so you want me to keep going?” I nodded, my hair splayed against my back, moving sometimes; especially if Xavier thrusted harshly while telling another one of his encounters of the day. After another couple of rounds, he nearly collapsed into my embrace as I chuckled, kissing him to wake Xavier up while he smiled.

“Wait here, I’ll be back” Whispering, Xavier left momentarily after kissing me softly, pulling out from my cunt as I whined. It seemed he was looking for a towel or something to take care of me afterwards. However, I heard the shower run as he came by to carry me towards it.

“You didn’t have to..a towel would’ve been fine” I spoke, sighing in relief as my body made contact with the warm water, my eyes drifting over to Xavier’s body that joined mine in the tub. He clasped my hand softly, kissing the top like a gentleman.

“Of course I had to, I shouldn’t hesitate to take care of you at all times.” His gaze softened upon meeting my own. Lips crashing into one another as he chuckled, pressing my hand against his soft abs while speaking.

“Seeing you like this makes me crave another round..” I smiled, getting out of the tub and wrapping a towel around my body while Xavier did the same but around his hips.

“Weren’t you tired a few moments ago?” His laugh made me laugh alongside him. We got dressed in our favorite couple’s pajamas, my body pressed against Xavier’s as he wrapped his arms around me. A small yawn fell from his lips, murmuring something that made me smile

“I am now..goodnight my dearest” Xavier’s head rested upon my chest, serving as a pillow while a hand grabbed one of then, as long as he was comfortable, nothing could ever disturb me.

[loveanddeepspice]

𝕋𝕖𝕞𝕡𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔾𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕖

✞ synopsis:  you've come back to the small town you grew up in for a visit. though your relationship with the catholic church and faith in general have been strained since you were younger, you find yourself drawn back to the church... or more specifically... the new priest... you aren't ready to share your secret sin with him... but you may not be able to help yourself.

✞ pairing: sylus x curvy fem!reader

✞ rating:  18+ (minors do not engage)

✞ cw:  religion (catholicism), priest, lapsed faith, adultery, priest kink, suicidal mention, dead parent, sex, masturbation, drugs (marijuana), mentions of other drug use, drinking (more will be added when/if they arise)

✞ disclaimer: this fiction explores a romantic relationship between a lapsed Catholic and an unconventional priest. it is not designed to be inflammatory or critical. catholic authors were asked to participate in the process. we hope you enjoy it, but we know that these topics can be sensitive, so please skip this fiction if it will in any way offend you.

✞ chapter:  8 / ?

✞ co-authors:  redbriony, confuseddoughnut (they do not have tumblr)

✞ ao3 link:  here

✞ chapter synopsis: “faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe”

You were relieved to find the house empty. A sense of calm washed over you, and a deep part of you seemed to open up. Unzipping your coat felt like the world's weight suffocating you melted away. Still, you couldn't help but wish for normalcy at this moment.

You were so grateful to have your mind free from Zayne's influence. But of course -

"Damn it," you cursed, your laughter turning into a sob as you made your way towards the stairs, the sound echoing through the quiet foyer. When you fell onto the bottom step, pain rippling through your knee at the impact, you continued to sputter and laugh. The drug coursing through your veins brought a temporary sense of peace that only a chemical could provide.

All the while, you imagined Father Sylus leaning down, chuckling lightly, eyes full of life, promising to be there. For you.

"Sonofabitch!"

You finally made it onto your feet, cursing under your breath. Your perception was off, and all you wanted to do was lay down. Take that nap. Worry about it all later. 

Eventually, you end up on the couch, and hours later, your father found you still holding on tightly to your mother's urn. You had taken it off the mantle for company. Despite dried tears on your face, you slept peacefully with your arms wrapped around the decorative container.

Your dad's gentle shake brought you back to consciousness, but your head was still spinning. You tried to offer a weak smile as he kneeled over you, but it came out more like a grimace.

"Are you okay?" His voice was rough and concerned as he studied your face.

Tears pooled in your eyes, making everything even hazier. It felt like you had chugged a bottle of Nyquil, every nerve in your body raw and trembling. The memory of the earlier scene replayed itself in your mind.

"Dad...Can I ask you something? Just a question, completely random." Without waiting for his response, you clutched the urn tightly to your chest as you sat up. "Am I a good person?"

He paused for a moment, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Of course you are, kiddo," he replied, giving your shoulder a reassuring pat despite the effort it must have took.

"But...am I truly good?" You fidgeted nervously, catching him off guard as he went to turn away.

"What's going on? Y/N, why are you asking me this?"

"Nothing," you were almost whining. "Am I just some sort of garbage person who eats up all the good? Like, I just take the good and consume it until it comes back around as something bad? It's like I gobble it up and-"

"Christ, Y/N, quit talking like that. You're stoned, aren't ya?"

Shaking your head, you were hit with the tears again, a wave of neediness for...what? Comfort. Reassurance.

Your father sighed as he sat next to you. "Baby," and it was comforting, despite the years gone between when he last used that endearment, "I'm not sure what's going on, but I promise you're doing just fine."

"That's the thing, Dad, sometimes I don't know what I'm doing."

"Isn't that the burden of the damned?" He huffed a soft laugh. He placed a hand atop yours, which still grasped the urn.

You longed for her presence. Just a moment to talk. To remind yourself that she, at the very least, thought you were decent. Cared.

"Y/N, would you believe me if I told you you have the biggest, sweetest heart I have ever seen?"

His words seemed scripted as if he were reciting lines for some feel-good sitcom. But he was doing his best, given the difficult circumstances and how you acted. You wiped away your tears and wrapped your arms around him, letting go of the urn. He hesitated momentarily before returning the hug with his big arm, holding you tightly.

"Why do you think that?" you asked him softly.

"Because I know it. And I've been wondering where you got such a kind heart - it's like a miracle. In this world we live in, people do so many wrong things and small mistakes that end up causing pain." His voice grew tense as he pulled back to place a hand on your shoulder. "You've been down on yourself lately, and I haven't helped, but you need to know that you're doing just fine."

Just fine.

You forced a smile through your sob and nodded. The anxiety and darkness may not have disappeared completely, but in that moment, they didn't consume you.

"Now, let's put Mom back on the mantle and stop torturing ourselves," he said.

"Yeah, she's not going to stop me anyway," you rasped with tears still in your eyes.

You took your mother and walked her back to the mantle, feeling an overwhelming urge to scream at her. To curse the fate she had given you. Wish it never happened. Or simply curse everything and everyone, including yourself.

Thanksgiving Day snuck up on you.

Perhaps it was ironic because Thanksgiving was, of course, the day you'd leave a bomb sitting.

If you could, you would've wished there had been no guests, no big to-do. A few less complications to a situation that already felt like a powder keg.

But you were home this year, so your dad had been eager for a decent get-together. Since your mother's death, you and your dad bounced around between Talias and Xaviers, and in some cases, you were left to fend for yourselves. After a while, it became less of a special occasion and more of a way to keep morale high until you went to college and moved out.

When your dad mentioned that Father Sylus would join you for a holiday, you felt more surprised than you should have. It wasn't uncommon for the priest to receive invitations from church members to spend special occasions together, but this invitation sparked a bit more joy within you. However, the thought of Zayne being somewhere in town filled you with a sense of... It was hard not to let it dampen your anticipation.

"Can you hurry it up?" You asked, watching Rafayel struggle to light a joint behind the shed.

"Relax. No one's outside."

You squinted toward the back door, making sure no one was going to walk out and bust you, and the door was, in fact, still closed. The sight of Zayne had kept you feeling trapped and scattered for days. It fucked up everything inside of you and just barely now was in the recovery phase. Though, could you ever fully recover? Would there ever be a day when the idea of Zayne hadn't sucked every brain cell out?

Rafayel breathed out a cloud of smoke, making a sound in the back of his throat. Satisfied, he took another hit before offering it to you.

"Thanks." You muttered and brought it to your lips.

It took him a moment to retrieve it, and then Rafayel looked down at the lighter before speaking. "Hey, Y/N."

You hummed in response, feeling the substance take effect and calm you down as you shut your eyes and leaned against the back of the shed. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to say thank you."

You opened your eyes and scoffed. "Why are you thanking me, Rafayel?"

"Because it's Thanksgiving, and I'm grateful for my friends - friend." He pushed his purple hair away from his face.

You tilt your head back and groan, "Wow. Did Talia put you up to saying that?"

"Well, yeah - wait, no! Friends have a way of making everything seem better, don't they?"

"To call you a hopeless romantic would be an understatement. Let me hit that again."

Rafayel handed you the joint again, and you took another long drag, feeling the smoke fill your lungs before exhaling slowly. The high started kicking in, making everything feel hazy and dreamlike.

"I'm serious, though," Rafayel persisted, his growing, almost uncharacteristically voice soft. "This past year has been rough. But having you and the others... it helps. Makes things a bit more bearable, you know?"

You nodded slowly, understanding where he was coming from. Probably now more than ever. Even still, you let out a dry laugh. “More like my drama makes yours seem like a walk in the park," you said sardonically, “What shit are you going to come up with on Christmas?”

Rafayel shook his head with a chuckle. "Hey, I'm just trying to express my gratitude here. No need to deflect."

"Sorry, sorry," you replied, "I do appreciate you, Raf. Truly. I'm just... not…great at this heartfelt stuff."

"Don't I know it. But that's what I love about you, Y/N. You're real. No bullshit."

"What are you guys doing?" It came without warning, and you heard the voice cut through your dazed state. You faltered, hand dropping the joint to the ground and toeing it on reflex. Rafayel, however, reacted a little more violently, grabbing at his chest and yelping.

"Shit, oh my God, it's you," Rafayel sneered, glaring at the man who had rounded the corner of the shed and toward you two, "What, Father, you never smoked pot before?"

"Excuse me, Rafayel, for intruding." Father Sylus extended an open palm, glancing at the younger male unimpressed and then looking back at you.

And then, the shock came. Maybe even a hint of shame. It was interesting how there was always something lingering despite feeling relieved and at ease after Father Sylus had seemed to alleviate your heartache and suffering. It clung onto the back of your neck, whispered in your ear. You didn't have any ill feelings towards the man; no drama or negativity. The opposite, actually. So why did you feel this way? Why would you feel guilty when the whole point was that he made you not feel that way?

The three of you were quiet; Father Sylus watched you, hands sliding into his pocket as Rafayel bent over to grab the fallen joint and snub it out completely.

"Did you need something?" You croaked out.

"I was sent to fetch you two," Father Sylus hummed. He looked like he wanted to say more, but Rafayel interrupted him.

"Where's your thing?" Rafayel took hold of his neck, making a fake choking sound.

"Excuse me," Father Sylus replied, expression completely deadpan. "Thing?"

"Collar, ya freaky weirdo. Don't you wear those around all the time?  dunno, I've always wondered."

"Dude," you hissed.

"No," Father Sylus raised an eyebrow, speaking slowly, "When I do, it means I'm on duty. At the moment, I'm off the clock."

You couldn't help but notice the much more casual shirt —a gray button-down with a navy cardigan—nothing fancy as if he didn't want to stand out.

"But like,” Rafayel wasn’t finished. “Technically, aren't priests always on the clock? What if someone died or something? Like if they murdered someone in a fit of rage and then thought, 'oh man, now I'm gonna call Father Sylus, who doesn't have the collar -"

"All I want," the tall man shook his head, "is just one good, quality conversation with a grown-ass adult that doesn't involve the ability to identify me as a priest."

Your friend stopped, looking wide-eyed between you as if caught in a vice. Despite your current situation, you couldn't help but give a sharp bark of laughter.

"So answer my question, Father." Rafayel prompted, nodding in agreement, laughing himself.

"It's in my glovebox."

"Ain't it sacrilegious or something for you to take that off?"

Scoffing, Father Sylus crossed his arms over his chest. "No."

"Fine," Rafayel muttered, stuffing the joint back in his pocket and turning toward the house. Father Sylus snickered under his breath and then shook his head.

"Excuse him," you whispered, crossing your arms beneath your chest and trying to suppress another laugh. "He has trouble knowing when to stop talking."

"That's nothing new." He drawled, shifting his weight. His voice softened as he continued, "It was the last thing I expected to hear when I turned this corner."

You nervously picked at the sleeve of your shirt, feeling a knot form in your stomach and your mouth turn thin.

"Relax," Father Sylus reassured you.

"What?" You asked without looking up from what you were fidgeting with.

"Do I seem upset to you?"

"It's not that." Your tone was forced and awkward as you let out another stiff laugh.

"Not everything has to be so tense," Father Sylus said. "My collar and Rafayel's…humor should be the least of our worries."

You laughed again, looking at another part of the yard and tightening your grip around yourself. A lump formed in your throat, and you brought your hands to either side of your face, letting them slide down your neck before resting in front of you again.

"What is it?" Father Sylus questioned, the sound coming out thick and concerned.

Slowly, you raised your head. It took a lot more energy to make eye contact with the man than before. With trepidation, you let the wall come down, leaving you exposed and susceptible. The priest took on a wide-eyed, attentive look as he anticipated whatever was coming as if understanding the shift.

"Do you think things happen for a reason?" You forced the words to come out, hating how your voice wavered and cracked unnaturally as if you were scared. As if part of you felt the sting that was approaching. You had The same reaction when you feared anyone finding out about Zayne.

Father Sylus looked unsure. Losing some of the authority, he shook his head slowly. It was almost as if you could see the gears turning and the suspicion.

"Kind of a silly question to ask, don't you think? Isn't that everything that faith is built upon?" The low rumble in his words was gentle. Then, a tilt of his head suggested that he understood what you meant. "Any reason for that particular question?"

Swallowing, your lower lip trembled as you looked to the fence on the side of the yard, teeth pulling at the skin of your lip, dragging it harshly. Father Sylus took a cautious step forward and reached out. A squeak caught in your throat as he delicately took your chin between his fingers and forced your gaze back up towards him.

"Everything in life happens for a reason, Y/N." He whispered, coaxing gently—an encouragement.

It burned to the core, raw and desperate.

"I really like you, and that's so stupid. Everything is stupid." You choked out, unable to keep it inside. The sensation of the high was almost nonexistent now as you stood there under the careful touch and affectionate tone.

It was a breath of silence that followed, a moment, and then a smile crept across his lips. Soft and kind, a curious look in his eyes.

"Stupid?" He asked.

Your shoulders slumped, feeling a bit defeated and self-deprecating. "Because...I mean, that guy, the one who was married - last week he came back and said, like, so many fucked up things...not, like, directly."

"...Ah, I see."

"No, I mean, that's not what I want..." Biting back, you stopped yourself, "I'm not making sense."

"You make perfect sense. Take your time, Y/N."

Resting a hand on your forehead, you closed your eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and tried again, "It's like I'm being destroyed from the inside out because every time something good comes into my life, someone or something stomps all over it."

"Sounds like most of the demons that follow us around. Doesn't give them the right to torment people, though." It was evident that Father Sylus was trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't look too put out," he muttered lightly, leaning down. "I like you, too. Scared shitless and all."

Your legs were like jelly. But then he smiled warmly, wrapping an arm around your waist as if he could tell the feeling was bittersweet.

"We should go inside." You mumbled, fighting off a big grin, but settled on a shy, pleased smile.

"Agreed." He didn't sound any less enthusiastic, humming lowly, "But I lied before."

"What do you mean? No one told you to look for me? That seems a bit on purpose, you know," you grinned.

A hint of amusement flickered across his face, barely noticeable as the corner of his mouth twitched. But when your eyes met his, you knew he was being genuine.

"Well then," you said, straightening up.

Father Sylus chuckled and brushed a gentle kiss against your jaw. A spark ignited within you, spreading throughout your body like wildfire. In an instant, you were pinned against the shed, his arms on either side of you, fingers finding their way under your jacket to pinch at the soft parts of your body.

His lips met yours with urgency and need, biting softly at your lower lip. You gasped in response, but he didn't break contact as he deepened the kiss even more. A burning desire consumed you as if the air around you was suffocating without your lips intertwined.

In a sudden surge of pleasure, it felt like setting an entire forest ablaze and knowing it would spread further than you could imagine. It was a euphoric physical reaction, with his hands holding onto your waist and yours gripping his shoulders tightly. You tasted everything within him as if every thought resided on his tongue.

"This is it," he breathed as he pulled back, eyes searching yours, studying your features. Noses brushing, a hitch of breath was the only barrier between your mouths, the pull you felt towards one another, "this is it. This is where I'm supposed to be. This is it, Y/N."

Staring at him, your hands limp at his chest, you found your words. "What do you mean?"

"I know, it’s fucking insane. But God, to tell you how good it feels..."

Swallowing, your body screamed a chorus of confusion; it set your bones against the beat of your heart, the thundering percussion making you acutely aware of the sensations that had just registered.

"I - how - I don't know what to say."

"We've got a lot to talk about."

Blinking rapidly, your eyes burned against the realization. The desire rumbling against your nerves and bones didn't feel like something so twisted and ugly. And it hadn't felt like that the last time you saw him or the time before that - so, what was this, really?

"Okay." It wasn't in protest or doubt.

"Inside," Father Sylus straightened and adjusted his shirt where your hands had rucked up the material at his chest, pulling you away from the shed. He cleared his throat, not faltering once, "after dinner, yeah?"

"Yeah."

You wanted nothing more than to press into him, to wrap your arms around him. Because even now, a bubble of hope lifted you. It was like an impossible remedy. The man radiated in a way you'd never felt before, an overstimulation that couldn't possibly be fabricated.

When the two of you stepped inside, Father Sylus turned to you and grabbed your hand, squeezing it before letting go and heading into the dining room.

A sharp inhale of air brought you out of it, turning to see Xavier standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen.

"What is it?" You asked, head foggy.

His expression shifted, concerned, maybe confused. Then he shook his head, stepping towards you and holding out a hand. You looked down and saw your hair clip. Taking the metal piece, you ran your finger along the floral pattern, giving him a small, tentative smile.

"Did I leave this in the bathroom?" You asked quietly.

"Found it in the church office when I went to fix the boiler." His brow pinched as he shifted, then, "I know what's happening."

Clenching the hairclip in your palm, you squinted, confused. You remembered when you wore the hair clip last, the day that you had -

"It's not like that." Shaking your head, the hope was tangible for a split second. Like a piece of paper dancing between your fingertips, a precious memory about to be swept away.

"Sure looked like you meant something to him just now. Like...he wasn't a priest. Or you weren't a member of his congregation." Xavier muttered.

Stupid sneaky motherfucker. It’s always the quiet ones.

"That's not funny." You sputtered.

"So that wasn't what it looked like." He tried a different angle, the corner of his mouth upturning, a quirk in his eyebrow. He looked smug; the way his eyes gazed at you was knowing. "Were you getting high just now, too, or am I imagining that?"

Fuck. "Who do you think you are?" You snapped, trying your best to keep your voice low, throwing a finger to his chest; all the joy quickly retreats from your grasp, the burn of sorrow taking its place. "What does it even matter to you, huh?"

Xavier shook his head, taking in another breath of air. Despite the harshness in his words, there was still a glimmer of protectiveness in his eyes that you had always appreciated. But it also made him stubborn and less rational.

"He's a priest, Y/N. No matter how much I've tried to deny it, that’s what he is." Xavier whispered, gently grasping your hand. It was almost as if he regretted saying those words, the fire in his eyes contradicting the softness in his tone. "It's not about you - he shouldn't be involved with - it has nothing to do with you."

That did not work on you, not the way he was hoping. Before, would that have sufficed when your troubles were trivial, and the world seemed darker? Would you have pushed it away with the facts stated so clearly? This seemed more immense than anything you'd ever had the displeasure of facing because it was Father Sylus’s fault as much as yours.

However, Xavier wasn't the villain; the situation was not so black and white.

"Don't tell anyone, " you begged, your voice cracking. "Please don't tell anyone. Please."

Xavier's frown deepened, brow furrowed. He didn't respond immediately, mouth closing, opening slowly, and then clearing his throat.

"Do you like him?" he asked gruffly, breathing harshly through his nose.

"It doesn't matter." You admitted, pushing his hand away. There you went, lying again. But what difference would it make if you told the truth? The inevitable would happen; it was already happening in front of you. Someone was figuring it out. That's just the way things were for you. You may not have always understood; no amount of divine explanation would ever make the pain of uncertainty have meaning.

Xavier opened his mouth to speak again, but his dad called for him from the living room. Huffing again, he looked at you again, hand running through his hair before disappearing toward the doorway to his side.

You quickly wiped away your tears, trying to regain your composure before anyone came in and noticed. Without thinking, you grabbed your dad's keys and one of the pies, then made your way outside, knowing that the holiday was over for you. You got into the car and reversed out of the driveway, the gravel crunching under the tires, settling down like dust.

Zayne sat across from you on the bed opposite, his expression serious and solemn. Finding the hotel had been easy; you simply drove around to the three in the area until you spotted his car. One of his long legs was crossed over the other as he sat, the pie sitting between you both on the nightstand.

"I wasn't expecting you to come here," he mumbled.

"Where else would I have gone?" You leaned back, not liking the look on his face - regretful, scared, anxious. It was unfamiliar to see him like this.

"Do you want a drink? I have tequila."

Rolling your eyes, you shook your head and rested your temple on your palm. "No thanks. I don't drink hard liquor because of my mom."

"Oh." The mood in the room shifted and it was clear that any attempt at a joke had fallen flat. Instead of being offended, Zayne gave an apologetic glance.

"She was an alcoholic. She died in a car accident." Closing your eyes, you forced a small smile.

"You never told me that's how she died."

"It didn't seem important. You weren't exactly interested in talking, unless it was to sleep with me." It might have been a cruel statement, but at the end of it all, that's what the relationship had been, right?

"What was she like?"

The question made you smile - a real smile that caught you off guard as much as the question. "Kind but tough. She used to tell me that life sucks and you have to hold onto every good thing you can get."

"She sounds like a wise woman." Zayne shifted and put both feet on the floor, rubbing his hands together between his knees and bouncing one of them.

"I needed you to leave me alone," you told him bluntly, shifting the conversation in a new direction.

"I know," he said, shame flashing behind his eyes. If there was ever a time when he wasn't difficult to read, it was now. "I didn't trust myself to -"

"If that's how you really felt, it would have been kinder to stop answering or calling altogether."

He clenched his jaw and tilted his head down slightly, showing his remorse. "I realized that too late."

With that, you sighed. Nothing would be gained from this, it would serve no purpose.

Unless....

You took a deep breath and leaned forward, inching yourself to the edge of the bed. Your hand reached out and touched his knee, causing it to stop moving. In that moment, you wondered if it was even the same person you were touching. But as you looked into his eyes, locked onto yours with unbreakable intensity, you didn't flinch. You wouldn't let his actions control you any longer.

"I forgive you." The words came out easily, bringing a sense of calm over your body. "Do you hear me? I forgive you. Don't beat yourself up over it. Things happen for a reason. I'm sorry your marriage fell apart, and I'm sorry if I played a part in that."

The gentle rise and fall of his chest stopped for a moment, as if he had been short-circuited by your words. You just needed to say it, to get it off your chest and into the open. Because if you ignored the pain or refused to acknowledge it, the weight on your shoulders would crush you. Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned.

"That wasn't the only reason." Zayne finally admitted.

"What do you mean?"

A small, melancholic smile tugged at his lips as he looked down and then back up into your eyes. You couldn't help but notice the way his gaze flickered to your lips before returning to meet yours once more.

"She can't have children," Zayne explained to you, "she was pregnant once, but had a miscarriage." You could sense the sadness in his voice as he spoke. "After that - constant fighting and sleeping in separate rooms. And then...I met you."

He fell quiet, leaving any unspoken words hanging in the air. You could hear them loud and clear: you weren't the one who changed everything for him, even if he had been the one to turn your world upside down.

Licking your bottom lip, you squeezed Zayne's hand and offered a subtle nod. "God only gives us challenges that we are capable of overcoming."

A slow grin spread across Zayne's face, almost disbelieving. "Are you sure about that?"

You nodded confidently. Zayne's pain mirrored your own, but his feelings towards you? That was something he could work through, of that you had no doubt.

Suddenly, a sharp ringing cut through the room. You jumped slightly and grabbed your phone from the nightstand. It was your dad calling. A pang of guilt and embarrassment hit you as you wondered if he was worried about you. You fought against the urge to answer and instead held up your phone to show Zayne the incoming call.

"I left right before dinner," you explained, ignoring the call and standing up from your seat.

"You walked out? What happened?" Zayne's curiosity was genuine, and you found yourself looking at him again.

"It's a long story," you replied with a shrug. There was no telling how much time there really was, and even if there was any time left, it wouldn't be enough to tell him everything.

He tilted his head and rested a hand on his knee as he leaned forward. After a moment, he stood up and eyed you curiously. His mouth opened, but then closed again. He rubbed his neck and took a step towards you, hesitating before continuing. "Take care of yourself, Y/N."

His subtle change in expression, the crease in his brow and the glint in his eye, were all too familiar to you. You both let out a sigh as you looked at the dimming screen of your phone.

"Well, take care." You said, shrugging your shoulders before turning away. "Happy Thanksgiving." 

There was nothing else to be said. Or rather, there were countless words that could express what you both were feeling, but they were beyond human language. Words crafted by poets or scientists centuries ago lacked the ability to accurately capture the emotions between you two.

"The biggest mistake I've ever made was-"

You held back a sob, trying not to imagine where his sentence would lead.

"Cheating on your wife." You cut him off, unable to hear any more.

You wished things were different, with every fiber of your being. Wished you could turn back time, find some kind of answer that wasn’t this. That wasn’t the past couple of weeks. As your body began to tremble, you struggled to breathe through the growing fire inside of you.

As you stumbled out of the hotel and towards your car, the sky had already darkened and the sun was setting, casting a beautiful glow over everything. For some reason, your mother's favorite song came to mind, its lyrics hanging in the air around you. Maybe that's why she always listened to sad songs - maybe even she couldn't explain it. But right now, thinking about it didn't bring sadness to your heart; instead, it brought something greater, something beyond comprehension, maybe even this plane of existence.

You found yourself half singing and half mumbling along as you gripped the steering wheel, beginning the journey back home.

I could drink a case of you, and still I'd be on my feet.

Tag list: @celestialforce, @readerxyourbabe, @babyx91 I MESSED UP MY LINKS SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY BC I HATE FORMATTING HERE IS THE LINK TO THE LAST CHAPTER

[misshunterskye]

in which zayne lost a patient & you comfort him ... this was supposed to be something completely different, but we ended up here. ( this was supposed to be a drabble about you & zayne to 'work song' by hozier, but alas.)

content: fluff / warning: mention of death (slightly, implied)

buy me a ko-fi 🫶🏻

You're worried about him. He's acting like the patient he lost didn't hurt him. Even though there was nothing he could do, it's weighing on him heavily.

He's reading, but not really. You can tell by the way he's staring past the page, not at it. His eyes aren't taking in anything. Finally, you sigh, moving toward him. You gently take the book away from him, moving to sit on his lap.

His brow furrows ever so slightly, but you're shocked when he doesn't question -- simply puts his head in your chest, and holds onto you tight. You start stroking his hair calmingly, and your free hand rubs his back.

"How did you know?" His voice comes softly. It's implied. How did you know that I needed this?

You pull back, taking his head in between your hands. "Because I know you."

His eyes soft as he drinks you in. Your forehead falls against his. "It's okay. It's okay to be sad about it. I know how much you care." You tell him, hands still moving through his hair.

"You always seem to know the right thing to say."

You shake your head before moving off his lap. He looks sad at the prospect, but it's not long before you're making yourself comfortable on the other end of the couch. With a grin, you pat your lap. "Come here, mister."

With a smile, his head falls into your lap, his legs spreading out. He's comfortably laying in your lap. He lets out a deep sigh, seeming content to have you so close by. You start to trace his face, his hair. It's as if you're committing him to memory. And he seems to enjoy it, his eyes closing peacefully.

"I love you. Let me just take care of you tonight," you whisper.

"Okay," he says, turning his face so he can nuzzle into your tummy. You giggle slightly, and in turn, it makes him laugh as well, feeling the reverberations. "I think I can manage that."

[callixpene]

L&DS LIs Opinions/Thoughts About Each Other

-------------------------------------------------------------

I REALLY NEED YOUR OPINIONS ON THIS AS WELL GUYS

I seriously cannot wait for the L&DS boys to finally meet and interact with each other in the main story.

I'm really curious how they'll interact and react to you know, them all being in love with the same person whom they all have some history/shared a past life with?

I seriously cannot wait😂

Anyways, this is my take on what their opinions of one another are going to be when they meet.

Let's say they've made peace with the fact that MC has 3 other suitors other than themselves, and they're currently figuring out how to deal with one another whilst MC is still at a loss on who to pick between them:

Xavier

Rafayel - I think Xavier would find Rafayel both confusing and annoying. Rafayel often makes sarcastic comments, and Xavier wouldn't get them.

I definitely think that at times Rayafel's neediness towards MC would definitely irritate him and he and Rafayel would end up bickering like children.

Zayne - I think Xavier would be civil with Zayne. They won't have any disputes, but that's because they'd rarely interact or speak with one another. Though I think he'd appreciate the way Zayne cares for MC as her doctor, even if it would make him jealous whenever Zayne is close to her - he'll let it slide as he is aware Zayne's actions are always for the betterment of MC.

Sylus - Now with Sylus, Xavier would not like him one bit. Xavier would think Sylus is bad news. He'd actively try his hardest for MC to not be within Sylus' radius, as he believes that her being around Sylus would put her in danger.

Rafayel

Xavier - Though Rafayel would be the most envious of Xavier as he gets to spend the most time with MC, being her coworker and living near her place, he would also think Xavier's too dull for MC to be interested in him.

They'd definitely butt heads from time to time.

Zayne - Rafayel would definitely be envious of MC and Zayne's current history together. He'd be jealous of the fact that amongst all of them, Zayne is the one MC has the most memories/history with in this lifetime. Because of this, to prevent MC and Zayne from further developing a stronger/deeper bond with one another, he would purposely steal MC away whenever Zayne is free, so he could barely have any time with her.

Sylus - I think Rafayel would be cordial with Sylus?

I don't see how they would have much conflict, but I also don't see how they could really get along given the fact they're in love with the same person.

Zayne

Xavier - If Xavier is grateful for the fact that MC is well-cared for by Zayne as her primary care physician despite being jealous of him when he's close to her, then Zayne is equally grateful of the fact that MC has Xavier as a reliable partner when they're out on missions, as Zayne is aware that Xavier is more than capable of keeping MC safe, despite him being envious of Xavier as well.

Rafayel - Amongst everyone else, Zayne would be the most irritated of Rafayel. His immature, childish demeanor wouldn't sit well with him. I think he generally would just avoid interacting with Rafayel.

Sylus - Zayne would be extremely wary of Sylus. He'd think Sylus would be the type to do things that are unpredictable: Like Sylus' might decide one day to just take MC with him and hide away to God knows where. Zayne would often come up with plans on how to minimize MC's interactions with Sylus, or warn her to not hang around him too much, as it would really worry him.

Sylus

Xavier - Sylus would purposely rile up Xavier for his own amusement. I think his and Xavier's interactions would often end up into both parties just throwing hands at each other until someone breaks them up.

Rafayel - There would not be much intersection or issues between these two I think. As long as Rayafel doesn't take MC away whenever Sylus wants to spend time with her, then there wouldn't be much dispute between these two.

Sylus - Now....I think Sylus would be so incredibly envious of Zayne. Sylus is the type of man that wants his partner to trust and rely on him completely, and it would honestly make him green with envy once he notices that MC is incredibly trustful, reliant and comfortable around Zayne. Seeing as he still needs more time to build MC's trust in him, and to get her to be comfortable with him, it would really, really upset him everytime he sees MC happy and all cozy with Zayne, because that is what he wants the most.

PLEASSSE GUYSS COMMENT YOUR OPINIONS ON HOW YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA DEAL WITH EACH OTHER.....I WANNA KNOW😭

[themotherofallthings]

I am beyond devastated right now. I never thought in a million years I would ever have to write the words #RIPLiam in my lifetime. I pray for his family and friends. I pray for their strength and patience in the coming days, weeks, months and years as they mourn Liam's loss. I pray that their anguish is made bearable, however slight, by the love he had for them and they hfor him. Their shared memories of his beautiful smile. His gorgeous voice and his immense heart.

I pray for the boys: Harry, Niall, Zayn and Louis. Especially Louis. I know in my heart right now his heart is extra heavy. I know that he will blame himself. That they will all blame themselves in some way or other. I pray God lessens their burden in time and realize that they loved him the best they could and it still wasn't enough. I hope they will eventually find a way forward together. To honour Liam everyday in the way the continue to live their lives.

And mostly I pray for Liam that his soul has found peace at last. He will be so missed but he left us a beautiful, if short, legacy.

I love you Lima bean. Spread those wings and soar free my angel.

[awinchestershell]

I’m not sure how it still manages to surprise me after all this time, the depths of the selfishness and cruelty of human greed. 

I remember the day One Direction was formed. I remember how nervous they all were, how young and excited and wide-eyed about the possibilities being tossed into their laps. They truly had no idea what was in front of them. 

They were so small, and they had such big dreams that barely fit inside them, and it was so beautiful watching them achieve them. 

I remember watching them become more and more jaded over time, that childish wonder being torn away as the reality around them became more apparent. I remember hundreds upon thousands of tweets and tumblr posts from worried fans about how exhausted they seemed, something in their eyes just not feeling right anymore. 

The day Zayn left the band the world seemed to stop. I couldn’t tell you how many young girls on my social media pages I saw wailing in what at the time seemed like the worst pain this band could ever put us through.

God, how wrong we were. 

It seemed so obvious, even at the time, that there was something more going on. It wasn’t like they were trying to hide it. 

Then Zayn wrote his book and spoke about how much he’d struggled in the band, and for the first time one of the boys had publicly acknowledged how hard it was to be One Direction. And he was still barely scratching the surface.

The band breaks up, or ‘goes on hiatus’, and again it feels like the worst thing they could do. How much harder of a hit can we take? What more is there to lose?

And yet again, it’s so obvious that there’s more going on then they’re saying. They all seem so worn out, downright miserable at times, yet they never stop the grind. They never take a day off. They never sleep. 

Slowly, they start to talk about the reality of being a child star. Of being sixteen years old and handed the world on a silver platter, money and fame and all the things that no one ever even touches in their wildest dreams, and they’re not even out of high school yet. 

They talk of being locked up in hotel rooms for days at a time with nothing to entertain them but the mini bar. Feeling trapped, being a prisoner to their own success. They talk of schedules so busy they shouldn’t be possible, never seeing their own families, cameras in their faces at the most vulnerable moments of their lives.

They begin to write what they really feel. We finally get a peek into their real thoughts instead of what some bighead in a suit is telling them to think.

They write of real love, feeling lonely, feeling sad, feeling scared, feeling on top of the world, toxic romances that you know are toxic but you stay anyway because you don’t want to be alone, happiness so overwhelming you lose your mind, grief, exploring, running free, coming home, friendship, drugs, sex, all the best and worst parts of being alive. 

They write what they feel, and what they know. They express themselves. 

They find their own paths. We worry, of course we worry. But it’s an honor and a joy watching them find themselves in their music.

We convince ourselves that they’ll come together one day. Not even for a tour, because they’ve changed too much and so have we, but for a charity show, or someone’s birthday, or an anniversary. 

And then TMZ takes a photo.

And now we know that Zayn leaving and the band breaking up meant nothing at all.

It’s a fascinating thing, really. How you can spend years of your life not really thinking of someone anymore and then they’re gone and suddenly they’re all you can think of. 

I never left. I’ve known these boys as long as they’ve known each other. But I’ve seen so many people in the last week see this news and have years of memories come rushing back to them. A whole lifetime of love and joy and community just gone.

It’s a brutal, miserable blow to the most innocent part of you. The part that believes in the goodness of humanity, in the pure joy of creation, being a part of something bigger than yourself. 

All of the jokes, the laughter, the music, the friendship. It’s all just gone.

And the worst part is it didn’t have to happen.

A completely, hilariously avoidable tragedy. 

He’s gone because humanity hates itself. Because we are greedy and cruel. Because a management company exploited those five young boys for money and power until they couldn’t anymore, making sure to torment them along the way. Because men with cameras have to leech off of every vulnerable moment celebrities have, using and abusing their suffering for a quick buck.

Because the anonymous, mindless drones on social media think that their opinion is the only one that deserves to be heard. And that they decide who deserves to live or die. That it’s appropriate to send someone death threats and tell them to burn in hell, and then post jokes and celebratory tweets about them after they’ve killed themself. 

Because TMZ thinks that taking a picture of a man’s dead body and leaking it to the press before his mother has even gotten the call that he’s dead is good journalism. 

This is why he’s gone. 

THis is why there will be another Liam Payne after him. This is why we will never, ever be okay. Because humanity sees a senseless, unnecessary tragedy, and they point and laugh. And they ask how they can make money off of it.

Because we are broken. Fractured down to our core. And there is no fixing us. Not anymore. 

The media took a sweet, funny, bright-eyed 16 year old boy and they sucked all the life out of him. They turned him into a soulless cash cow, they took him for all he had, and when he had nothing left to give they abandoned him. 

And now that he’s gone they’re turning his death into a circus. Instead of allowing him the dignity of dying in peace, surrounded by the love and privacy he deserves, they’ve robbed him of even that.

When a mother is left resorting to begging the internet to not post filth of her child’s dead father so he won’t have to grow up and see it one day, and a crowd of teenage girls are forced to raise their hands up to block cameras from filming a man as he collects the belongings of his dead son, we’re left wondering how we got here. 

Ask yourself just how much of your soul you have left, and if the answer is any at all, how much are you willing to sacrifice to continue playing a part in this nightmare? 

[xayspancakeee]

AHHHH NEW ZAYNE MEMORY FOR FREE 😭😭💖

come and collect your man zayne girlies.

[starmocha]

HELLO I've read a few comments here and there implying current Sylus /wants/ to die? That resonating with MC will kill him and thats why hes so adamant that she do it? Is that interpretation even kind of accurate?

I hope its ok to ask this, I'm still new to lads and trying to piece together more Sylus lore before I personally dive into the angst of his new myth. ;w;

I'm always happy to answer questions if I can! This is absolutely OK 😊

OK, I can see how other people have interpreted it that way after reading the myth, and my answer may lean a little in that direction (however I disagree with the resonance part - MC's resonance Evol is meant to support others' Evol, not kill them), but I feel it is more nuanced than a simple yes or no answer.

This interpretation you see definitely stemmed from the myth, so I don't know how comfortable you are with spoilers (and I also don't want others to get spoiled while scrolling on their dash), so I will leave a more detailed response under the cut that will include caps as well, and you can decide to read it now or come back later after you finish the myth. 🙂 (I suggest the latter. This explanation will tie directly with the ending, and I don't want you to get spoiled. 😭)

(btw, prior to the myth release, I did search through most of Sylus' main story and memories for any references to his past, feel free to go through this tag if you're looking for Sylus lores!)

SPOILERS FOR SYLUS' MYTH - BEYOND CLOUDFALL & MAIN STORY

At the end of the myth, after Sylus had died from his injuries, MC, in her grief, cursed Sylus' soul to never fade away and always be tied to her. He can never die by any other means, and only she can grant him a true death.

In my Things That Fucked Me Up post, I did make an allusion to the main story about Sylus wanting MC to shoot him.

In the main story, MC threatens to kill him, and originally in the scene, it seemed like Sylus is calling her bluff by procuring a gun for her. Prior to the myth, there's been many allusions to Sylus not being able to die, and now we know why. With the revelation of his curse, this scene takes on a whole new light.

Prior to the myth, we had assumed that he knew he couldn't die so he called her bluff.

However, now that we know he can only die by her hands, this scene is a lot darker and seems to portray him as suicidal. We don't know how long this Sylus has been alive for. He could very well be hundreds or even thousands of years old, we can't verify for sure as of now. At the very least, we can assume he had lived for far too long. This could very well be the trope of immortals living for so long that they are now death seekers wishing for peace.

The only reason Sylus didn't die in this scene is 1) he forced her to pull the trigger and 2) MC does yell out "no" in the scene.

The condition for his death is that she must willingly want to grant him his death (note: this does not mean that she needs to be filled with hatred. Mercy killing is a possibility.)

As for the resonance part: In the myth, while Sylus and MC was resonating in one of the last scenes, Sylus had her hand over his chest and the claymore that was inside her was summoned against her will and pierced him in the chest. People are probably theorizing this based on this scene.

I disagree that resonating will kill him. In the storyline, MC's resonance Evol is meant to support/enhance others' Evols. Her Evol can also, on occasions, heal others (Zayne in his branch story, and I think Raf, too but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet shhhhh).

Don't forget that when we're battling in-game, our resonance Evol helps us take down wanderers, so I don't believe it is a means that will kill Sylus. As of now, we just don't know why he is adamant about needing to resonate with her.

I do agree that main story Sylus may be leaning a little on the suicidal part, but more in terms of being tired of living for so long. While he can't die, he does still feel pain if he is injured, but other than that, he is pretty much indestructible.

Sylus has also accumulated vast wealth, infamously known, powerful...I imagine he feels there is nothing worth living for (until now with MC 🤭), so death is what he desires now. This is my opinion, though, so don't take it as fact. We've only had two parts of the main story with Sylus, so there is plenty more to be discovered about his character in the future 🙂‍↕️

I hope this read offered some insight and perspective on this topic! Feel free to ask me to verify anything or ask anything else on your mind 🙂 (anyone else reading, also feel free to chime in with your thoughts or counter anything I said. 🙂‍↕️💖)