#but for grad school i looked into like the only 3 programs in the US that will train me on more procedural set building and procedural

[bucketslutz]

Don't Be Late (Logan Howlett/Fem mutant reader)

Chapter 1

(A/N): btw this takes place in an alternate universe where the x men as a team don't really exist, but the members and mutants obviously still do. readers powers are similar to atom eve from invincible, if you haven't seen that show i highly recommend it, but if not, you don't really need to know any of that to understand readers powers, they'll be explained in more detail later on.

Summary: You've spent your entire academic career trying to hide who you really are, your goal to end up working in a small museum or archive and live the rest of your life going unnoticed. The first day of grad school you meet someone that sparks something deep inside you that you never thought existed. Your history professor, Logan, makes you feel things you've never felt from someone before. Will you keep hiding your feelings, or will you get too close and risk him knowing who you really are?

Warnings: 18+!! explicit sexual content, minors DNI!! pls!!! oral (fem recieving), logan being a munch lowk, oral on the couch, teasing, dirty talking, cursing, logan being an asshole professor, no use of Y/N.

Word Count: 3,208

You anxiously rub your forehead as you struggle to find parking on campus, circling and circling the lot. Finally, someone pulls out and you turn in aggressively, someone in front of you flips you off, probably eyeing the same spot. You’re late. Very late. You have an American Civil War class, it’s an advanced level, with a professor whose name you cannot remember for the life of you. You’ve been preoccupied this summer, and time escaped you before you got the chance to research his credentials. It’s your first day of grad school and you’re late. A long commute, a new college, and shitty parking. You hope to god the professor doesn’t care or notice when you slip in late, as you carry a specific kind of disdain for drawing attention to yourself.

You were 13 when you first noticed something was wrong, walking home alone from school when a stranger tried to pin you down and do god knows what to you, until your eyes glowed a deep fuchsia and you threw him across the alley with a strength you didn’t even know you had. Your veins began glowing the same pink color and pulsating, scaring you shitless. You ran to the woods behind your house, avoiding your family for fear of harming them. With enough practice over the years, you’ve learned to control your abilities. Your eyes only glowing occasionally when you’re especially frustrated or angry. Sometimes even when you’re…taking care of some sexual urges. While you don’t know what causes these powers, you do know the general population’s feelings about mutants enough to understand that no one can know what you are. You don’t keep boyfriends for longer than 3 months, you don’t let friends become closer than you need them to be, and you don’t tell anyone what you are. You just want a normal life.

Your forehead is slick with sweat by the time you arrive at the history building, your breath heavy and labored, not from how fast you were walking to the building, but from anxiety, which is also the source of the excessive sweat on your brow. You cannot recall this courses class size, and you damn yourself for forgetting to check; not knowing if you can slip into the large class quietly or if everyone will be able to see you come in. This isn’t undergrad where people stumble in hungover with 10 minutes left of class, this is a graduate program where people go on to become masters in their fields of study. And you’re going to look like a fool in front of everyone. You approach the door to the classroom and can see through the window that it is, in fact, a small class. Fuck. There are maybe 15 people in there total. You hold your breath as you attempt to quietly push the door open, but it fails you with a loud, obnoxious creak. Every head snaps towards you, including the teacher, and you offer a meek smile to your classmates and turn your head towards the professor to issue a brief apology. You swallow hard when your eyes land on him. his tall frame is leaning against the white board, a little scary looking with muscles that bulge against his crossed arms, peaking out from under his rolled up sleeves. You’re surprised they’re visible even through his plaid button-up. His hair is fluffy, dark, as well as his beard…or actually, you should say mutton-chops, as that would be a more accurate descriptor. He glares at you, and you swear you’ve held his gaze for hours, but realistically it’s only been no more than a few seconds.

“Sorry,” you offer timidly.

The professor nods lightly, his jaw tense, and waves you off as he continues addressing the class. You attempt to quietly maneuver to an empty seat in the back, trying your hardest to not trip over your classmate’s bags and chairs. You feel like it takes forever to get to your seat, hoping no one pays too much attention to how clumsily you scoot past the chairs and over obstacles. You try and settle as quietly as possible, unzipping your shoulder bag and retrieving a pen to take notes. He’s still going over the syllabus, thank god.

“The only homework you’ll have is an essay, every week—every Friday—you have an essay due. Then every 3 weeks you’ll have an exam,” he instructs, rather nonchalantly. “And while I don’t give a shit if you waste your money and don’t come to class,” his eyes suddenly are fixed onto you, you swallow a lump of anxiety lodged in your throat as he continues, “The school cares a helluva lot more so, if you don’t mark your name down on the attendance sheet, you forget, you’re late, or whatever the hell, you’ll be absent. I’m not going back in and fixing shit.”

Noted. He turns his gaze back to the rest of the class and continues talking about the curriculum for the rest of the semester. you try to keep your head down as you scribble notes into your notebook, trying to look busy, when in reality you want to kick yourself in the face. You left your apartment too late, you didn’t anticipate the amount of traffic on the interstate, and you conveniently forgot how terrible parking is on college campuses. You look up to see the professor checking his wristwatch with a furrowed brow, like he’s considering something.

“Alright, that’s all i’ve got today, get out,” he commands, his gravelly voice showing slight indignation.

There’s a general look of confusion around the room at his abrupt dismissal with 45 minutes left of class. As people begin to shove their belongings in bags, you quickly get the memo as you collect your notebook and pen in your hands and stand up, ready to depart from this nightmare as soon as possible. But you’re the last in your row, shoved into a corner. the line of people in front of you have their chairs pushed back to the wall as they slowly collect themselves. It takes an obnoxiously long time for you to get out from behind the the long row of desks, even longer to leave the class as everyone shoves their way past you and out the door. Finally, you find an opening, but before your foot can even reach the threshold, there’s a strong grip on your arm. You turn your head to meet the gaze of your professor. Your heart skips a beat as he maintains eye contact briefly, before he hands you a piece of paper and lets go of your arm.

“Find your name, mark it,” he directs, causing you to scramble for the pen in your hands as you scan the paper for your name.

You try and offer a polite smile to the professor, but he remains stoic and unamused, making you feel even more uncomfortable. Once you find your name, you ungracefully set the paper against your flimsy notebook for structure, and scrawl a shaky check mark next to your name. You offer the paper back to him.

“Here, thank you, um, professor…” you trail off awkwardly, forgetting that you never actually checked what his name was. He takes the attendance sheet from you.

“Logan,” he answers.

“Ah, thank you professor Logan—”

“No,” he cuts you off with a wave of his hand, “just Logan.”

“Logan, right. thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” he says, his tone far from indicating the typical politeness of the statement, and rather literally cautioning you to never bring up this act of kindness again. And with that you turn to leave the class, unsure of why this gruff, sturdy, serious professor bended his own personal rules just for you. But no matter with that, you at least know you’ll never be late to his damn class again.

***

You pull into the driveway of your house with a sigh. It's late, the time you prefer to get home, so you can fully relax and use your powers in peace. Despite living in the middle of nowhere, you still fear someone will mistakenly pull into your driveway and catch you flying into your second story window or creating an apple from nothing. The lack of sound, except that of the chirping crickets and cicadas, puts you at ease. You release the tension in your shoulders and float off of the ground, propelling yourself to the patio on the second story of your house. You unlock the door with a flick of your wrist, the fuchsia energy encasing the doorknob and letting you into your bedroom, you then toss your things down onto the floor. An exhausted groan escapes your lips as you face plant onto your cool, soft bed. Not even coming up for air when you fling your arm up and slam the door shut with a pink, crystalline whoosh. You turn over to face the ceiling, your eyes fluttering shut within the comfort of your bed. Longing to get out of your stuffy jeans and bra, you trail your hands over your body and watch as your clothes dissipate into a pink flash while you manifest some boxer shorts and a loose t-shirt. Finally comfortable, you slide under the covers, wanting to sleep off one of the most stressful days you've had in a while. A morning full of classes, then 5 hours interning at the museum, before finally finishing off your day at the convenience store down the road working a 6 hour shift. While you can create most anything you want with your powers, you cannot create the full nights sleep that you most desperately need right now. 

As you drift, you think about how embarrassing of a morning you had. Stumbling into class like a fawn learning how to walk, Logan directly looking at you when speaking about attendance, Logan shoving the attendance sheet in your face so you mark yourself as present, Logan's strong arms and the way they looked with his sleeves rolled up. Logan's fluffy, dark hair and--No. Shut up. Don't think about that, he's your professor for god's sake. And, more importantly, an asshole. No amount of muscle or sheer sexiness will distract from that fact. You repeat this fact to yourself as you doze off, not wanting to give in to immature thoughts of attraction. Despite falling asleep to the negation of that attraction, your subconscious drifts somewhere you know you shouldn't physically go.

You're in Logan's office, your ass perched on the edge of his desk. Logan's back is to you, locking his door and drawing the blinds. He turns to you, his stance almost primal and animal-like, like he can't wait for the chance to devour you. The thought of that causes your arousal to swirl deep in your stomach. Logan saunters towards you, bearing his lower teeth like a predator ready to take their prey. Your breath hitches in anticipation as he gets closer, causing you to spread your legs, hoping the clear view of what lies beneath your skirt will draw him in closer. It seemingly works as he closes the distance between you two, his waist now flush against your lower stomach. Tingles shoot down your spine at the sudden contact, blood rushing down to your pussy. He pants as he brings his hands to your waist and strokes up and down the sides of your body, then achingly slow up your neck, then finally stopping at your chin. One hand creeps to the nape of your neck where he lays his palm flat while the other pinches your chin between his thumb and forefinger. Your eyes flutter shut, anticipating that he's close to having his way with you. He holds you there for a beat, his face so tantalizingly close to yours that you can feel his breath against your skin. You whine gently when his lips teasingly graze your own. The fingers pinching your chin adjust slightly to grip your jaw instead, allowing him better control to tilt your head up towards him. His other hand, at the nape of your neck, travels upward allowing his fingers to gently rake through your hair until he roughly takes a fistful and tugs. A soft moan escapes your throat and you try to satiate the throbbing pressure between your legs by rubbing your thighs together. An amused huff leaves Logan's lips as he looks down at your squirming figure beneath him.

"You gonna be good for me, princess?" he asks in a low, gruff tone as the hand on your chin trails down the side of your neck before landing on your breast. He massages the flesh fervently, finding it harder to hide his own desperate arousal and need from you. You moan into his touch and arch your back into him, your pussy searching for more friction that Logan is expertly avoiding giving you by not allowing his pelvis to meet yours.

"Logan," you gasp.

"C'mon, baby," his voice soothes, like smooth velvet, "tell me you want it."

"I want it," you whisper, desperately seeking any sort of release.

"Good girl."

And with that, Logan removes the hand on your breast so he can aggressively hook an arm under your ass and easily hoist you up with one fell swoop. Your legs wrap around his waist and your arms around his neck, reveling the feel of his palm that covers your asscheek. With a growl Logan spins you around and throws you onto the couch in the corner of his office, barely allowing you a second to recover when he crawls on top of you and captures your lips with his own desperately. The kiss is aggressive and needy, tongues dancing together ungracefully, teeth clashing, hasty lip bites between kisses. His hips grind against yours roughly, causing you to hook both your feet around his ass to keep him there for as long as you can, desperately seeking more friction. His hands alternate with each other between grasping your breasts to gripping your face passionately. Without breaking the kiss, he hooks his arms under you and drives you further up the couch so your upper back lays against the armrest. You whine when his lips leave yours, but it's quickly replaced with a moan as his lips travel down your neck, chest, the stomach he exposes by lifting the hem of your shirt, biting the fabric at the waistband of your skirt. You squirm underneath him, anticipating what's gonna happen next as his face nestles between your legs. He licks, bites, sucks, and kisses the skin of your inner thighs, causing you to gasp with each harsh move of his mouth, before promptly melting into a moan when he alleviates his biting or sucking with a kiss or flick of his tongue. Your clit is throbbing, your pussy aching for him to get closer to your center. So he does. His tongue dances along the edge of your panties, not dipping much further into the fabric, his head alternating between each of your lips. You whine desperately as Logan's mouth hovers above your core, his hot breath teasing you further. He looks up at you and into your eyes as his mouth latches onto your thinly clothed pussy, causing you to squirm and moan underneath him, the already damp fabric from your arousal, getting further soaked from Logan's saliva.

"Logan," you whine fervently. "Please."

His mouth leaves your pussy, just barely hovering above it now.

"I gotta make you want it, princess, it's no fun unless you're begging for me to taste you," he breathed against your pussy, his voice low and syrupy. He quickly resumes the hold his mouth had on your pussy, making your back arch off the couch with a moan.

"Okay, I'm officially begging, please, Logan, please," you whimper, not sure how much longer you're able to take his teasing.

"Atta girl," he rasps against your pussy. Like nothing, his fingers hook around the fabric of your panties and he rips it off of you with an experienced strength, leaving your pussy now exposed to Logan, and your torn lace panties on the floor.

"So wet for me, huh?" Logan teases through a cocky smile. You squirm more underneath him, causing his hands to move to your hips to hold them down. Logan stares hungrily at your cunt, removing one hand from your hip and bringing it to your pussy lips to rub it tantalizingly slow with his fingers. Flicking his eyes up to meet yours, he finally brings his tongue to your folds and licks up to your clit. You moan throatily and bring your hands to his hair to give it a tug of appreciation. He groans enthusiastically into your pussy, eating at it like your core is the forbidden fruit dripping in molten pleasure. He's animalistic in his movements and noises, lapping at your clit with groans and grunts in pleasure, almost growling even. He brings his fingers to your core, tracing the hole before shoving two digits inside of you. He pumps his fingers in and out of you, curling them with each push inside. The noises are lewd and wet with each drive of his fingers. Your moans grow more desperate and needy as you climb towards your climax, the death grip you have on his hair growing stronger and stronger. The hand holding your hip down crawls up to your breast, grasping desperately at your flesh, hastily circling your nipples with his thumb. Your breaths quicken, your eyes flutter shut as he continues the steady onslaught of your pussy with his mouth and fingers. 

"Logan, I'm so close, don't stop...please..." you trail off, beginning to lose yourself in your pleasure. Logan responds with needy moans against your clit and the continuous pumping of his fingers in and out of you. His grip on your breast loosens to grasp your side, slinking down to your waist, definitely leaving a mark with how rough he grabs at you. As his lips and tongue continue lapping you up, you can feel your arousal swirling in your stomach more and more. Your moans grow louder, your hips begin bucking. Logan groans into you, desperate to feel your release around his fingers. White hot pressure forms around your clit as you teeter on the edge of your orgasm, you look down at Logan and lock eyes with him just as you feel yourself dropping off.

The feeling of hot pink fire pricking your eyeballs jerks you awake, mid-orgasm, your eyes glow a pulsating fuchsia. You pant heavily, your orgasm ending unceremoniously against your fingertips. Leaving you disappointed. You huff in annoyance, wishing you could plunge yourself back into the wet dream that ended in a rather mediocre way. No, wait, that was your professor. You shouldn't be feeling, or thinking, this way at all. You feel disappointed in yourself for having such lewd thoughts about another person, especially a person of authority. You catch your breath, turn your head to face the clock on your nightstand and gasp when you see the time.

"Shit, shit, shit," you curse, hastily throwing yourself out of bed. "Please don't be late today."

(A/N): and that's that!! i hope people enjoy! this concept popped into my head earlier today so i've spent my sunday working on this, if people are interested to see where this goes, please leave a kudos or comment!!! TYYY🫶🏻🙈 i also posted this onto my ao3 here if you would like to view it there and keep up with it there as well!

[cityof2morrow]

Mod Organizing & Load Order Shenanigans

Published: 5-1-2024 | Updated: N/A MOD ORGANIZING During the [first] "pandemic summer," I started reorganizing my game folders. I also started  a "conflict management" list, containing all the known conflict info from download pages, new conflicts I discover while playtesting, etc. It's 44 pages long at the moment....a testament to my unapologetic mod addiction. I encourage all simmers to keep a list like this. It’s very reassuring (and handy!) to be able to look up known conflicts or keep track of mods which have been merged (duplicate files can break your game FAST!).  **I won’t be able to share mine at this time but most of my info comes from the same pages where I download CC/mods - shout out to the creators who take the time to include this info.

MY LOAD ORDER(S) I number my folders and use mostly lower case filenames to force the load order I want – these were the most important changes I made re: how I maintain a heavily-modded-but-still -very-functional game. With few exceptions, this has been much more effective than keeping track of the number of z's and cases. It also means I don't need to rename downloaded files - I just put them in the right folder. When I played exclusively on mac, I learned that numbering the store cc folders was the ONLY way I could get all the content to work. I never figured out why but I imagine it was because the mac series doesn't include expansions required for some of this content.

DETAILS (the codes) I put that grad school debt...I mean...those grad school research skills to good use and made up my own codes. Here they are... 0= files needed in every save aka my "essentials." These include repair files, shader/UI files, CEPs, global probes (like scriptorium, money globals, inteen checker, inventory checker, etc).

1= mods that do NOT need a load order, some OFB-themed sets I want to keep separate from other CC - like the #co2bellabrand or upcoming #co2cdkseries stuff.

2= mods that require a hard load order. As @episims writes HERE, this only works for mods with non-game-breaking conflicts between them. Only the last mod in the sequence will retain ALL its intended functions. The code for this section goes like this: [number]-[what the mod deals with in-game; i make sure to consider alphabetical order]-[load order number] -name of the mod(s)

I have several global mods that need to load as close to LAST as possible. These folders all start with "2-z-[load order #]-." The "2" tells me they need to load in a certain order and the "-z" makes them load after all the other #2 folders.

See Object Freedom 1.02 (@fwaysims, 2023) and Shiftable Everything (@lamare-sims, 2022) both load at #78? I don't have them BOTH in game at the same time, but giving them the same number ensures that the right load order stays no matter which one i'm paying with. 3 = build mode and neighborhood deco/defaults

4= buy mode

"ts1," "ts3," and similar labels = content that was converted for Sims 2.

5=CAS/bodyshop

OTHER DETAILS I also label folders with certain "type codes" - these tell me things like whether they add permanent data to my saves (custom memories, careers, foods, etc. do this) or whether they are maxis-match. Here are some examples:

-BIN = mod files which go in the program folders -DEF = default replacement -MEM = this content includes custom memory data -MM = maxis-match or an add-on for default game furniture -ADD = content that is not maxis-match -NPC = this content includes or changes one or more NPCs -FIX  or -EDIT = this is a fixed or uniquely edited version of a pre-existing mod -BETA and -TEST = this mod is unfinished and/or a test version Remember, conflicts do not always mean something has to be removed from your game, nor are all conflicts unresolvable. No matter what kind of method(s) you use to organize your game – it’s just important to try/have at least one in the cut.

CREDITS Thanks: Episims, PleasantSims, and all simmers who include load order/conflict notes. Sources: Beyno (Korn via BBFonts), EA/Maxis, Forcing the Load Order of Mods (whoward/Pick’N’MixSims, 2021 via sims2tutorials), Image(s) (Alexander, 2016), Offuturistic Infographic (Freepik).

...Oh and yes...I AM in fact an INTJ/Capricorn.

[eggdrawsthings]

Hi! I wanted to ask a question and I wasn’t sure if it was too personal or not so just ignore this is you’d rather not answer, but I was wondering if you went to art school or got a degree in it? I really want to start learning and maybe one day start a career in animation and wasn’t sure whether I should spend time and resources getting a degree. I know it’s going to be different for everybody and nothings a guarantee for this field but since I love your style and technical skill I was curious whether you had done that and what were your thoughts on it or if you are self-taught.

Hey anon! No worries it's all good!

Ig I should quickly go through my art journey so you can have an overall look of why I went to art school lol.

So I'm from Vietnam. I think back in 2013 I went to a small art school in Singapore (they were the only one that gave me a scholarship). My major was 3D modeling actually, but during my final year, I realized I only wanted to draw characters for animation. I could already draw decently, so I just read The Silver Way book and built a character design portfolio on my own during this time. I was lucky I got a job as a concept artist at a small animation studio there so I learned a lot from the job. I also did a lot of self-learning and took Woulter Tulp's Expressive Character class on Schoolism.

Then after 3-ish years of working, I got sick of the tiny and dying animation industry in Singapore. I wanna do sth more than just preschool shows and I was severely underpaid lmao. So I quit my job and took the MA VisDev program at AAU. It's a little more affordable cuz u can do 1 year online and the second year on-site. The reason I went to this school even tho i could just take a VisDev class online was cuz i need the visa so i can try to break into the industry in the US.

Now back to your question. Is art school a must? No. Should you still take it? Maybe, depends on your situation. If you can afford it then hell yeah by all means. Art school is great cuz you have professors and peers to help guide you along the way so you won't get lost while trying to figure out your shit. And to have a few years just experimenting and focusing on art is a great experience. Plus you can make a lot of meaningful connections in school and it will help you a long way after you grad. But if you have to go into debt to go to art school, then don't. There are places like Schoolism, CGMA, and Warrior Art Camp where you can pick what class and from whom you wanna learn. If you are not from the US and wanna break into the industry here like me however, then yeah getting a degree is a better bet cuz you can use the student visa and OPT to hopefully get a job here (it's still very very hard tho ngl im struggling rn as we speak lmao). Also, you need a BA to work overseas so there's that too. The hard truth is studios prefer to hire locally than some rando from somewhere else and have to wait for them to relocate and shit, (unless you are exceptionally good and they'd do anything to have you, but that is super rare lol).

Even though I did go to art school, I have to say most of my skills are from self-study. It requires a lot of self-discipline but I'm pretty much obsessed with drawing and I draw everyday so it's not a problem for me. But my friend is not good at that, so she found art school/classes helped her better cuz there are deadlines and instructors to help guide her to reach her goal. So it depends on your learning style tbh.

There is this chart that can help you consider your options. Im sorry it's a very long answer, cuz yes everyone's experience is different. Feel free to drop me another ask if you still have anymore questions tho ^^

Edit: I must also add, though there are online classes and ways to self-learn animation,I do think it only truly benefit you if you know exactly what you wanna do in this industry (for example I already knew i wanna become a character designer for 2d/3D animation specifically so any books/classes i took I tailored it to fit my goal). If you are unsure what you wanna do, then maybe even a cheap animation course will do better, and then you can take extra online classes on the side.

[livums]

Why I haven’t written in several months

Im being dramatic—it’s been like 3.

Hello writeblr buds, I miss u and I hope the past few months have been as kind and restful as possible 🥰 I realized it’s been some time since I’ve written anything (or written anything about writing anything) and for some reason it’s of some importance to me that it doesn’t look like I vanished or lost interest/commitment to the space.

I’m trying to quit my fuck ass job :/

I have a whole lot of feelings about the job + the field itself and why I think my time in it is drawing to a close, but I probably won’t take the time to write about it here, unprompted. What’s much more exciting for me is, I think, my goal itself.

I realized in like November that I’m doing that thing again—waiting for my life to start. It started when I received an art book Kickstarter reward in the mail and held a very pretty holographic print in my hands up to the light in my bedroom. My bedroom walls were bare, and had been for the past year and some change, when I moved into this unit. I hadn’t felt comfortable decorating knowing I’d be moving out in “only two years”. I caught myself waiting for permanent stability again. Oops! My bad.

I spent hours decorating my walls with all the prints I’d accumulated over the past several years and I felt…. A way. I started using stickers in my journal.

What was I waiting for? What the fuck was wrong with me?

I’ve known I wanted to center art and creativity in my life for as long as I can remember. I’m not going to blame my parents or whatever, but I was told over and over again not to throw myself into pursuing art as a career. It’s not financially viable. “You’ll never make a red cent.” I’d never told them at all that I wanted to do art for a living. I convinced myself for a long time that I didn’t. Lol.

Before I graduated from college in 2020, I faced a decision. I could go to art school, I thought. I could get an MFA. I held an art school catalog in my hand that is requested in the mail. I’d carried it everywhere for months.

I went to grad school instead. Not that I’m bitching about getting into such a prestigious program in my field, but it always felt like the ultimate compromise. It’s something I could tell my parents about and have them be proud of me, while hopefully I could devote time to art on the side. It’s what I’d been doing for the past four years—compromising. I had a professor or three notice, even. Lol.

I moved to a new city in 2020, alone. I was turbo depressed. One day, I spent hours watching animated student films on youtube and bawling my eyes out. Before I had graduated from college, I’d faced a decision and chosen wrong. I asked myself over and over—What do you do if you chose wrong?

Grad school was a nightmare, and I’d rather die than go back, but I don’t even necessarily regret going, I think. I think it was important for me to be in this profession, at least for a time. Maybe this is just me coping, lol, but going to grad school inspired much of what I ventured to write in 2022 and 2023.

Anyways, when I recently held that holographic print up to my bare landlord-white walls, I realized that if I waited any longer to let myself live my life how I wanted, then I was an idiot. In kinder words. I have no excuse not to. I’m giving myself massive grace by believing truly that the past seven years were not a waste of time, but I can’t lie to myself that I’m satisfied with the way my life is right now.

The point is-- I’ve slowed down writing recently because my focus has shifted to art. I’m DEFINITELY not done writing. Not at all! I just realized that if I want to achieve my goal of making enough consistent money off of art to leave my job, I’ll have to start treating art like a second job. Between devoting time to my fuck ass job, to art as a living, and to writing seriously, I’m in kind of a pick-any-two situation. Before, it was fuck ass job and writing seriously. I want to eventually be focused on art and writing as the pillars of my livelihood—that’s my ultimate dream. And we all know that writing is the longest game of creative and financial delayed gratification ever, lol.

I haven’t really talked about this that much on my other socials, lol, but for whatever reason I woke up this morning and felt like I wanted to give an explanation for my sparse writeblr presence. As I hopefully get to scale back to part-time clinician in the future, I hope to get back into some of my stories and start re-breaking old bones into something new and revitalized.

AN EE WAYS, if you’ve read all that, thank you. Mutuals, if u want my discord, feel free to pm me! I’m not disappearing (I will be on tumblr just as much as I have been, which is to say, daily), but I’m much easier to reach by other means. I’ll be (and have been) posting much more on my art blog @lurrkingly as well! If you’d like to um. Witness Me, I’m most Witnessable there or on my art Twitter (also @lurrkingly). (I also have a spicy art Twitter linked to the main one, which I hope to probably be. Siphoning off of for income one day soon. Praying etc.)

I have a game plan, my partner is an excellent support (I think they like playing manager, LOL), and I think, I really think, that I can do it! 🥰🥰🥰

Ok bye MWAH! I like you guys and I’ll never leave! 🎉 💜

[honeekyuu]

hi honey! im sending this to ask you how you decided that you wanted to pursue a PHD. im thinking of getting a phd in economics because I’ve always been super interested, but im not sure if that’s the path for me yet. what do you think are some pros and cons to getting one and how did you know that this was the right path for you??

-b.

hi!!! omg wow what a question. i will say first that everyones phd experience looks a little different, so i can talk ab mine but definitely take it with a grain of salt!!

i knew i wanted to do a phd because 1) i love being in school, and 2) while i was getting my B.A in linguistics, i had a lot of questions that were higher level and more specific than my undergrad classes could really get into. I also worked as a research assistant to a professor in the East Asian Languages and Civilizations dept for about 3 years, and she was my closest mentor and advisor in that time. she was a korean historian, and she encouraged me to keep studying something related to korean, because that had been my specialization of sorts when it came to choosing classes and research projects. i had a feeling around that time that i wanted to go on to a graduate program of some sort.

after i finished undergrad, i took a year off to figure my life out, and in that time, i worked one on one with a professor in the Linguistics dept at my undergrad for about 9-10 months. under her guidance, i wrote what would have essentially been a masters thesis about korean linguistics, and i knew in that time that i wanted that paper to be the paper i submitted to phd programs.

i think there are a few things to consider when thinking ab a phd:

phds are extremely individual research focused. my program doesnt offer a terminal master's degree (it's included within the phd program as a milestone), but phds are NOT like "undergrad 2.0". ive seen a number of people make that mistake in my program, focusing only on coursework and waiting for their advisor to give them research to do. im not sure how econ works, but in ling, we're thrown straight off the deep end into research. im only a 3rd year, and my master's degree research project was accepted into the top korean linguistics conference in the world, which is 100% a FLEX but also this is only happening because my advisors are cutthroat research gods who pushed pushed pushed me from the very first day. so please be aware that phds are very self-driven. you need the motivation to work on your own for long periods of time.

some people think a phd is a lonely experience. i think it certainly can be, because everyone is working on their own hyper-specific research project, but it's also very important for that reason to have friends. my closest friend in the department is 3 years above me, and we only became friends because i arrived screaming crying throwing up with fear and anxiety ab my work and he literally clocked me as the kid who needed the most emotional grounding LMAO. my other closest friend was literally my research assistant. he was an undergrad. but he was my age (korean military service delays college quite a lot, it seems), so once his contract w me was up, it turned into us helping him apply for grad schools too!! and now the four of us (them + my partner) have weekly stardew valley screaming sessions on discord and saturday brunch with animal crossing. it's not lonely, and i think that's because i knew it would be if i didnt make friends.

i think ill say one more thing before i stfu. grad school is hard. it's so so hard. please be aware of that. some days im drowning in mental health issues and fearing even a chance encounter in the hall with my advisors because i know theyll ask about something i havent gotten done yet. sometimes im literally sobbing on my couch, overwhelmed beyond belief wondering if i can do this. sometimes i become self-destructive and isolated and so terribly unwell that my mom starts calling my partner because i wont pick up the phone. it's fucking hard. but it's also the happiest ive ever been, truly. the really really hard days are worth it, because the really good days or even just the decently good days are much more frequent and amazing. running down the hall to avoid my advisor seeing me is worth it because, when things are good, he invites me to coffee and we spend 2+ hours talking about my future. he tells me he pushes me because he knows i can do what needs to be done and change the field. he makes my life hell because, once im through it, no one else could ever question the quality of my work and the job market is going to be so beautiful once i get there. i started grad school a nervous wreck with terribly low self-esteem who thought that my research could never cut it or be interesting enough. im barely going into my 3rd year, and ive been broken down and reformed into the kind of person i used to look up to, by my own sheer willpower to be the strongest i can be. im not afraid to fail anymore, because ive failed a million times in the last 2 years. im not afraid to fuck up, because ive fucked up so many times, in front of the two people who hold my future in their hands, and im still here. grad school is worth it to me because im the version of myself that the me from undergrad would never believe exists.

[mac-cheez]

My Guide To Surviving The Waynes

This is inspired by an earlier post of mine and will be in an epistolary/Dracula style in the view of said uni student. I hope y'all like it!

Thxs @arrowheadedbitch for proofread and confidence.

Pt. 2 Pt. 3

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I'm not a diary person really. I was always told it helps you relax or work through your feelings, but it never seemed worth it...... well not till now. Not till a "normal" morning for me was eating cereal while shouting goes through the house and under threat of death if I finish the milk. This is what's currently happening as I write this on my laptop trying not to spill said cereal. As I listened to another argument between Tim and Damian about something inconsequential (something about galleries robbing banks?), I finally caved and started writing. I figure this could be useful for reference or advice or even study (these bitches are weird as hell). Maybe I should start with how I got here?

I grew up down South. The bible belt was a weird place, but I survived I guess. My parents are loving and as understanding as they can be with their own experiences and opinions. My father is Army so we were lucky to not be on wheels at all times. My only major move was my sophomore year of high school. I decided to apply for the exchange program and was picked due to my fluency in French. I was sent to Paris and, loved it so much I decided to stay. I was able to stay till graduation and still keep in touch with my friends. I know, picture perfect right?

After graduation, I applied to many different Universities and programs hoping for a good criminal justice program to learn in. Forensics was the main interest I was looking for. It just so happened that Gotham University's Forensics and Criminal Justice Facilities just got updated by the Wayne Foundation (probably to deal with the crime problem). I saw that it met all of my criteria and applied not thinking about it. A couple of my picks fell through, but most came back as acceptances. I was about to accept one of my local Universities when I got the Gotham U acceptance letter. It said the usual spiel of "we'd love to have you, blah, blah, blah", I was about to throw it in the pile when I saw one specific detail, "We boast a 95% employment rate of our Science-based graduates."

After some research, I found out that it was true. Most GU grads get hired straight out of school if they have a scientific degree. That paired with the brand new facilities made me reconsider. I talked with my parents, and they agreed that it was likely the best option, but they were concerned about me living in the dorms or an apartment in a place like Gotham. I was about to suggest living in a city nearby and just commuting when my dad asked us to wait for a minute. He made some calls while I talked with my mom about other things concerning the move. When he came back he said he had a friend from work who I could stay with. He told me he had a couple kids my age and plenty of room. It wasn't till I was in the limo with a very nice elderly man on my way to said friend's house that I realized he meant Bruce Fucking Wayne. Once he parked (his name is Alfred btw) I got my luggage out and kinda just stared. He asked to take my bags but I just said no thank you. He hummed and led me to the door. It was quiet when he opened the door which I thought would be normal, but the worry on his face told me otherwise.

Suddenly from the hall, two boys ran by one yelling "MERCY" while the other smaller boy chased him with a sword and........ pink hair? I was concerned, but Alfred seemed more at ease so I tried not to think about it too much. Behind them, a guy came from the same hallway snickering at his phone.

"Master Duke, would you mind filling me in on the situation at hand?" Alfred asked him.

"Oh yeah Alfred, it was hilarious," 'Duke' said laughing, "so Tim put pink dye in the shampoo for Dick and then-," he stopped looking at me. "Uhhhhhhhh, Who's the girl?" He asked.

"A guest of Master Bruce," said Alfred.

"Oh! Oh. Uh, You're not......... ya know..... a guest," he asked.

"No god no I'm not that broke yet," I explained hoping the humor would land.

It seemed to because he immediately brightened and started introducing himself as Duke Thomas, one of Mr. Waynes Wards. I introduced myself and why I was there. It seemed like he was going to ask something when there was a crash and he said he should "make sure no one gets stabbed again".

"Well that was eventful," I said looking towards the hall he exited through.

"I'm sure you'll get used to it," said Afred, worrying me a little. This wasn't an occasional thing?

He started leading me-;skjfbsgdpibzebERROR++vbvnjkm;n;mxcvz;'anrvbA:----

[yuncheoligans]

~Beautiful Stranger~

Pairing: Yunho x Reader. (The guys are involved at some point too but not romantically.) NonIdol! AU

Description: A lonely perpetually single grad student working at a museum is approached by a handsome man, he looks expensive. Maybe this is your chance to get swept off your feet. Maybe he wants something else.

Warnings: I don't censor myself so I don't censor the characters, so Language warning. Let me know if I missed anything.

taglist: @legohwa, @hwaightme

~Masterlist~

~Series Masterlist~

a/n: Okay! I was originally going to make this a one-shot but I think I have too much storyline in my head to make it that way so Surprise! Series time! I'm really excited about this one so please let me know what you guys think, I'm having so much fun writing it already.

Also yes the Teaser is included at the beginning of the chapter, I added some stuff to it so I just put it in.

w/c: 4258

Chapter One: Handsome Stranger

The blaring sound of my morning alarm disturbs the dreams of a man sweeping me off my feet, his voice no longer sweet as honey but now Kick It by NCT 127. I guess I’m getting introduced to some New Thangs today  So it was going to be that kind of day, no school but long hours at work as a gallery attendant but also archivist in training, the latter being an unpaid internship…of course. Yeah, long day. I got up, finally silencing my alarm and pulling myself out of my full sized bed, the only luxury I could afford on my own, to drag myself down the hallway to our shared bathroom and brush my teeth. Let’s hope I’m awake enough to remember not to drink Orange Juice again as I look for breakfast. Now how long until I have to catch my train? And if I miss it how long until the bus? It’s not a terrible walk but I need to eat. Maybe I can get to Uni from here. Why does London have to be so confusing!

I’m not originally from the UK but my parents moved back and forth for a variety of things while I was growing up so it’s like a second home. I came here for my graduate program in Art History and made a few friends…moved in with them and now there’s 5 people in an apartment made for 3. We all go to University College London and live off campus in the cheapest place we could find. I was fortunate enough to get a job and internship at The National Gallery here. I’m lucky and I can pay rent but that’s about it, I’m by no means well off and trust me I could use a few extra of any sort of money. 

“You’re up early y/n” William, my flatmate’s boyfriend said passing by the open door.

“Work.” was all I mumbled as I head back to my room to pick out my outfit for the day. I stayed up writing this stupid research paper all night and what do I have to show for it…the not so designer bags under my eyes. Most days are filled with a plethora of alarms going off around the same time, lucky for my flatmates, I’m the only one with work today I guess. Alright, which combination of suit pants, blouse, and jacket am I going to wear today…All Black? All Black. I finished setting everything out before heading downstairs to eat just in case I got something on my shirt again. Last time I decided to make this beautiful breakfast sandwich with a runny egg and it broke onto the bright pink blouse I had picked for the day on the tube going to work, my boss was not happy about the spill. Did I cry, yeah…hey the saying is crying over spilt milk not spilt eggs.

“Oh hi y/n!” my other flatmate's girlfriend Emma cheerily said. “I’m just making Becks some breakfast do you want any?”

“Sure Ems…thanks.” I nodded. If I didn’t have to cook I wasn’t going to complain. Oh that’s the other thing you should know, I’m the only one single in this apartment anymore…or flat. Whatever you want to call it. 

The two sleeping while their partners roam around are my best friends for 2 years, Becka (Rebecca) and Liz (Elizabeth), I only use their full names when I’m angry at them, there have been plenty of arguments in the small confinement of our apartment. There’s 2 bedrooms upstairs, one above the living room, one above the downstairs bedroom, the bathroom is in between the two and just up the set of stairs. Downstairs is the living room, and subsequent dining area. Kitchen is just through to the back and off to the right is bedroom number 3. Yes we all share one bathroom, no it’s not as fun as it sounds. I live in the room at the front of the place above the living room. I was going to take the downstairs room because I came home late and didn’t want to wake anyone until Liz and Will got together, when they started dating they went at it like rabbits. Becka offered to switch with me since she was barely home to begin with, she and Emma had just started dating so she was with her a lot, at school doing lengthy research papers, or at her internship at the hospital. Her internship slowed down so she had a lot of time to be home and spend time with the love of her life. They’re cute don’t get me wrong…just unfortunate to be the only one single here. 

“Thanks again Ems.” I said cleaning the plate I used as I got up to finally get dressed. “It was really good, Becka is lucky to have you.”

“I certainly am.” said woman came into the room perking up at her partner. “Thank you again love.”

“I’ll be going before that breakfast makes a fast journey back up.” I laughed receiving a towel to the face. I put on the outfit I had picked out, touched up my hair so I didn’t look like I was coming out of bed, and set off for the day. Thankfully I didn’t miss my train so it was only 45 minutes to get to work. I know that sounds like a lot but it’s not so bad when you’re used to it. I get to listen to music and relax a little more before starting a long long day.

The opening of a museum is never exciting, there’s probably 10 maybe 15 guests in the first 3 hours of opening, not much to do, luckily the museum lets me work on my internship first on these long days so I’m not bored out of my mind by the time I’m done. I usually clock in around lunch time finally and sit or stand around for the rest of the day depending on what they want me to do that day. 

“Y/n” you’re going to be in Room 43 today.” my boss Henry looked at me.

“Well at least I get to look at some of my favorites today.” I sighed, knowing I was going to be on my feet for the rest of the day was not something to invoke joy. Room 43 on Level 2 had our Van Gogh, Gauguin, and Seurat paintings, most notably Sunflowers by Van Gogh, Van Gogh’s Chair, and Motherhood by Picasso. One of my favorites was-

“A Vase of Flowers, Paul Gauguin,” said the smoothest voice I’ve ever heard. Like butter melting on bread.

“Yes, one of my favorites in the room.” I smiled before turning towards the man. My breath hitched, there before me stood a man about 6 foot 1, dressed in a suit that looks like I don’t know how to pronounce the designers name, oxford shoes, no tie,his nose had a slight point to it, a jawline that looked like it was sculpted by Michelangelo, full eyebrows, his eyes soft and warm, finally his black hair. He was perfect, absolutely stunning, I wanted to look at him more than the art around me.

“Can you tell me about it?” he smiled.

“Oh, yes absolutely.” Anything to talk to him. “Painted by Gauguin in 1896, painted with Oil Paints-”

“Ah so it needs something breathable to not ruin the paints?” he smiled. “When transported for cleaning?”

“Yes, since oils are very hard to fix if damaged and excess moisture can ruin them like the whole water and oil thing... So um anyways, Paul Gauguin painted 'A Vase of Flowers' when he arrived in Tahiti for his second stay in 1895. The vase is bursting with exotic flowers including hibiscus, white and yellow frangipani and white tiare. The flowers look as though they are past their best as some blossoms have fallen onto the table. This suggests that Gauguin was not interested in the horticultural detail but instead the decorative shapes and interweaving of colors of the display.”

“Very interesting.” his smile grew. “Sorry one of my friends is very interested in this piece but I never knew what it was painted with.”

“Excuse me ma’am.” an older woman called my attention. “I had a question about this piece.”

“Oh, well I’m glad I could help sir. I’m y/n.” I shook his hand. “Please let me know if you have more questions.I’ll um..be over there” I nodded, giving him time to look at the painting. A handsome stranger interested in learning about one of my favorite pieces…he’s probably married. I’m going to be alone forever.

“Thank you beautiful.” he flashed a smile my way. 

The beautiful stranger hung around for quite some time staring at the piece, he even had a notebook where he wrote some notes and made a sketch of the painting. No I wasn’t staring at him…okay maybe I totally was but it’s not everyday you see someone that attractive in here, he was practically an art piece himself. No I wasn’t fantasizing about him taking me away in some fancy car with the engine revving going way to fast down the street to a fancy restaurant where the prices aren’t even on the menu and he tells me not to worry about it and to order what I like, he’d probably call me something cheesy like baby, honey, sweetheart, dear, starlight, honey bun….darling…his. NO! Oh my god you can’t fantasize about that stuff he asked you a question. You really are deprived. 

Work was the same as ever after the man left, I was stuck making sure no one touched the art until the museum closed and then I got to go home after clocking out. Back to the happy couples…I put on my earbuds and walked to the station, after staring at someone all day I wasn’t really ready to be reminded I was single forever. Oh well, no choice…maybe I’ll stop and get food and just head up to my room so they won’t notice.

“Hey y/n!” a voice yelled in the tunnel. “Aww hey do you have your earbuds in?” he tapped my shoulder.

“I have mace!” I whipped around feeling someone tap me. Oh. “Wooyoung! Don’t scare me that way!” I hit him gently and took my earbuds out.

“Heading home?” he asked.

“Yeah, I just got off work.”

“I was hoping you were going to say a date,” he sighed.

“Can’t find one. I stare at paintings from the 1800s all day.” I chuckled and nudged him. “Let me know if you find Degas or Van Gogh walking around, I’m pretty sure I know more about them than myself at this point.”

“I’ll be sure to point them your way.” he smiled. “Not even one of your coworkers huh?”

“I went out for drinks a while ago with David but he was so boring, no spice you know. Plus he’s one of those water is too spicy guys.”

“Oh yeah, ew.”

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just always going to be single. I just want someone…who’s a little interesting you know?”

His eyes lit up, he had heard that sentence a few days ago from someone else, he knew what to do.

“Well maybe I have this friend?” he started.

“Oh god not matchmaker Woo again.” I rolled my eyes as we got on the train.

“Hey look I really thought you two would hit it off.”

“Woo he just wanted to make his ex jealous…and I ended up with a ruined dress and a large bill.”

“I apologized and paid you back for his meal. I’m sorry!”

“I know you did.”

“Okay but seriously, this guy is one of my best friends, he’s got some money, he’s actually single single, like hasn’t had a partner in years single, he likes art, he’s tall, he’s not a scumbag, and he’s interesting. I promise you’ll like him.” he pleaded.

“Woo I just-”

“Pleaseeee just one date and then if you don’t like him you can tell me to fuck off whenever you want, please please please!”

“Okay okay fine…one date. Just…one ok?” I sighed. I trust Wooyoung. I do. He's a good friend, great even…his matchmaking skills are just…hit or miss.

“You won’t regret it, and be sure to thank me at the wedding!” he got up at his stop.

“Woo there won’t-!” the doors closed… “be a wedding.” I groaned. Just what have I gotten myself into.

“Hey sour puss what’s with the face?” Liz asked as I came in.

“Ran into Wooyoung on the train.”

“Oh how’s he doing? Also what did he do, you’re not in a bad mood every time you see him” she smiled. “Will is in the bathroom.” I motioned to head up and stopped at her words

“He begged me to go on a blind date with someone he knows.”

“Oh god because that worked out so well last time.” she smiled.

“What did?” Becka came into the room.

“Woo set y/n up on a blind date…again.” Liz smiled.

“Oh god, you have my number I will come get you.” Becka chuckled.

“He promised it wouldn’t be as bad this time but I don’t know I’m still worried.” I rubbed my arm. “He did apologize for last time but still…that was so bad.”

“Do you know anything about this one?” Liz asked.

“Apparently he’s tall, very single, likes art, and has money?” I said remembering what Wooyoung told me on the train.

“Ooo tall handsome rich single man?” They both chuckled. “How does Wooyoung know someone like that?”

“Beats me honestly, but I said I would try…even though I regret it already.”

“And when is said date?” Becka asked.

“Dunno….he’ll probably text me about it later.” I sighed. “I mean I guess it couldn’t be too bad to try.”

“It’s probably worse to trust Woo than to go on the date.” Liz smiled and Will came down.

“Who’s got a date?” he asked.

“y/n” Liz said and made room on the couch for her boyfriend.

“Oh y/n has a date?” Emma sat next to Becka.

“I’m off to bed, it looks like a date night.” I waved. 

No need to be reminded I’m still…very much single.

~~~~~~~~~

“Hyung Hyung Hyungie Hyung-ah Hyunghyunghyung” Wooyoung began annoying the older man at his desk.

“Yes Wooyoung?” Yunho looked up from his computer, blueprints and notes scattered around the desk. “Do you need another reference photo or something?”

“No no that’s fine, it’s all coming together.” Wooyoung brushed the man off. “I found you the perfect date!”

“Woo we’ve talked about this, I don’t date.” he sighed.

“No no listen really, she's perfect for you, she’s single and lives with two other couples so she’s practically begging to get out, she doesn’t ask a lot of questions, she knows a bunch about art and everything.”

“Wouldn’t that make it easier for us to get caught Wooyoung? She could tell fakes from the real ones?”

“Nah her eyesight is too bad for that unless she’s up close and personal. She could help us out with transporting them properly, you know, how to keep them undamaged. Plus she’s really pretty, you’d like her…oh and she’s funny, sarcastic, looks good on your arm at a party.”

“Why don’t you date her then?”

“Oh hyung don’t be silly, you’re the one getting old, you need to settle down, don’t you want to spend time with someone, you know spend some of that money on them, have someone besides us…help relieve some stress?”

“We’re the same age Wooyoung.” he closed his laptop.

“Oh no, my birthday is in November, yours just passed.”

The room got quiet.

“You’re not letting this go until I say yes are you?”

“Oh come on just one date! You’ll like her, I bet you’ll even get married come on! Please please please please please please please please please please please please pleasepleasepleaseplease-”

“Okay!!...Okay fine, just one date, and we’re not-” Wooyoung left. “Getting married…”

Yunho couldn’t help but think of the beautiful stranger he met at the museum earlier, he caught her staring a few times but couldn’t bring himself to say more in case she got suspicious, but man did he want to, her smile was infectious, her clothing choices mimicked his own, she knew about the art he wanted…but he’s a criminal, no one would ever want to be with a criminal, it’s not that he can’t do the time he just wouldn’t want to drag someone else into it, although he certainly wouldn’t mind coming out to that beautiful face…if he ever got caught that is, he has no plans on making that a reality. 

“One date.” he sighed to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

I smoothed over the dress I chose for tonight, Wooyoung couldn’t wait to text me and tell me his friend said yes. Why did I bother saying yes this is…no let’s..let’s be hopeful, maybe he’ll be nice, and funny, and hopefully a little good-looking….please Wooyoung…don’t do this to me.

“You look gorgeous y/n!” Emma and Liz squealed, their partners on the couch. 

“We definitely won’t be seeing you tonight.” Becka chuckled.

“Oh please I’m definitely not going to sleep with this guy, it’s the first date and it’s a Wooyoung blind date.” I rolled my eyes.

“I mean if he’s lucky we won’t see you tonight.” Liz laughed. “He’ll certainly only have his eyes on you this time.”

“One can hope” I groaned. “I better go, I don't want to show up late.” I grabbed my purse and a long black coat to keep warm. Of course there’s a hole in the pocket…I really need to get this fixed. 

“It’s going to be warm out, just forget the coat and get it fixed later.” Liz called out. “Go go! You’ll be late.”

It feels weird to walk around the city in just a dress and heels, I feel a little exposed but it’s not any different from the other people I’ve seen I guess…I made my way to the station to go to the restaurant Wooyoung had picked out, he told me to dress fancy so I got the fanciest dress I could. Black and white, a little lace, elegant but not over the top, stops at the knee, a cute little black heel and my hair pulled up into one of those fancy buns. Hopefully I remembered my glasses this time in my bag.

When Jung Wooyoung says fancy restaurant he wasn’t kidding, I’m pretty sure an appetizer here costs my entire rent, there’s not even prices on the menu how am I supposed to afford-

“Miss y/n?” A voice called. Sounds….familiar?

“Yes?” I turned around and it was the guy from the museum. “Oh hello.” I blushed

“It’s nice to see you again, are you waiting for someone?”

“My um..my friend set me up on this..silly blind date.” I chuckled lightly.

“How funny me too.” he smiled. “I wouldn’t be rude to assume you know a Jung, Wooyoung?”

“That would be the one.” I nodded gently.

“Well how funny would it be if I told you the very person sent me here on a silly blind date as well?”

“Well I suppose that would be…quite nice actually.” I sighed. “Last time I let him talk me into this…it didn’t go well.”

“Ah I know the feeling. She went after her ex after spending 30 minutes with me.” he chuckled.

“Ironic, mine used me to get back with his ex.”

“Now isn’t that just something.” he offered his hand to me. “Shall we go in?”

“How gentlemanly.” I let out a chuckle.

“Oh I’m Yunho by the way, Jeong Yunho.” 

“Oh a James Bond type I see. Last name first.” I chuckled. “Y/n L/n. Sorry I went the other way.”

“Oh god!” they both thought. “It’s you from the museum! What should I do?...stay calm, it’s just a date.”

I never thought I’d thank Wooyoung for setting me up on a date but, I might after this one…he’s so…he’s almost too perfect to be true, he’s interested in what I do, he’s charming, funny, he’s handsome…I..I almost feel like I’m dreaming. I’m pinching myself and not waking up so this has to be real, please be real. If this is a prank Wooyoung I’m never speaking to you again. 

“I should warn you beautiful, I’m quite dangerous.” he chuckled

“Oh are you now? Maybe I should’ve brought a bat.”

Time felt forgotten, it passed by so fast but so slow. Before we knew it the restaurant was closing and asking us to leave.

“Oh don’t worry about the bill.” he waved his hand at me reaching for my wallet. “It’s on me tonight.”

“I couldn’t possibly let you-”

“I insist beautiful.” he smiled and handed the waiter his card….A Black Credit Card!??!?! Oh my god.

“Next time is on me.” I said my cheeks were heating up. “A-As long as it’s pizza.” I joked…not really.

“Pizza sounds perfect if you’re there.” he winked. Oh man he is dangerous. “Can I walk you home? Or perhaps drive you?” he beeped his car…his very expensive silver car. A Rolls Royce?

“Oh my god.” I whispered. “What do you do?” I laughed.

“Oh I just inherited a lot of money from my uncle.”

“Oh sure, do you sell organs on the black market?” I nudged him gently.

“Oh no way, blood freaks me out.” he laughed. “I invest.”

“Sure.” I smiled and got in the car.

“Where to?” he asked.

“Oh right.” I gave him my address and we were off. It was bittersweet driving with him, I really didn’t want it to end yet. If this was going to be my only date with Yunho then…I just wanted to feel special for a little while longer. “Um, would you mind if we made a short stop first? It’s just…a really nice night out and I don’t want to…with my roommates and all.”

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind staying out myself.” he smiled.

“There’s a park just up ahead.” I said bashfully. “We could just…walk around?”

“I like that idea.” he pulled over to the park and before I could even think about opening my door he had sprinted around the car to open it.

“Ever the gentleman.” I stepped out and he offered his arm.

We walked around the park for a little just continuing our conversations from earlier, he shared about his childhood days, some of the stuff he and his brother used to do, his friends and how he met Wooyoung. It was all great until a breeze swept through.

“Here.” he shrugged off his coat and pulled it around me. “Better?” he smiled and his touch on me lingered slightly.

“Better.” I whispered and looked at him. “Thank you.”

“Sure.” he cleared his throat and pulled back slightly. 

It was close to 11pm when we finally decided we had been out long enough, I would hopefully not get hazed about the date and he would hopefully be able to go back to whatever he wanted. Even if it was just one date, it felt like a million and it just felt wonderful.

“Oh your coat.” I started taking it off as we pulled up to my little flat.

“Just give it to me next time Beautiful.” he smiled and put his hand up to stop me.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded.

I leaned over the center console and kissed his cheek leaving a slight pink imprint there.

“Goodnight Yunho, thank you for the…probably most perfect night of my life listening to me talk about work.” I smiled and got out of the car. I’ll miss him.

“Goodnight Beautiful.” he smiled more to himself as he drove off when she walked in her front door.

Did I receive the interrogation of a lifetime? Yes absolutely.

Could I stop smiling? No..Not at all. He listened to me ramble about work and school and how overwhelming it is, he listened to me talk about different paints and how to preserve them and take care of them like it was the most interesting thing he ever heard. I almost hate him for how perfect he is.

“Jung Wooyoung, I'm going to kill you.” I said as he picked up the phone.

“What?! Why!? What happened!?” he sat up on the other line.

“How could you literally give me that after all the shit dates you’ve set me up on!”

“Was it bad? You guys have been out for hours!”

“No! It was amazing! I can’t believe you!” I groaned and flopped onto my bed. “He was…kind and sweet and charming and caring and…everything and I hate you for it.”

“...BECAUSE I WAS RIGHT???”

“BECAUSE YOU WERE RIGHT!” I sat up. “Why did you have to be right!?”

“Because I’m amazing, excuse you. You liked him.”

“Yes.”

“You liked him a lot?”

“Wooyoung I literally would drop everything right now to just listen to his laugh.” I sighed. “It's pathetic.”

“I’ll let you know what he says, I just heard the front door.”

“No Wooyoung please, it's fine. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” I sighed. “I’ll have to give you his coat too.”

“He gave you his coat? Oh my god. See marriage.”

“Goodnight Woo.”

“I’m the matchmaker god after all.”

“Goodnight! Woo.” I hung up. I hate this.

I hate men.

`Next

[chaotic-archaeologist]

What does a week in the life of a grad student look like?

So the answer to this will depend heavily on what stage of research you are in. I'll give my answer as someone who is currently in pursuit of a Master's degree, because this is currently my only firsthand experience.

As a Master's student, I am expected to take a certain number of courses, usually about three a semester. Often they meet just once a week, for 2+ hours at a time, and they are discussions/seminars rather than lectures.

On top of that, I have my teaching assistantship, which is contractually for 20 hours/week, but can go above or below that depending on when students turn in assignments.

With that being said, here's a week in my life:

Sunday: A heavy work day, during which I do most of my reading/work for Monday's class, catch up on emails, run errands that didn't get done on Friday. I do not go onto campus.

Monday: In the morning I finish up my reading for class in the afternoon. Depending on how much I have left to do, I will also do administrative tasks for my TAship, or work that needs to be done for my own research. Right now that means filling out internship and fellowship applications. Class from 2:30-5:15, after which I come home and eat dinner. From 6:15-7:30 I do reading for Wednesday's class.

Tuesday: No classes of my own today! If students for the class I TA have submitted assignments, I will spend an hour(ish) working on grading those. I am responsible for grading about 100 papers at a time. I try to spend no more than 2 minutes per paper/quiz. The class I TA meets from 2:30-3:45. The professor lectures while I do work on my computer. I get home and do more reading/work for Wednesday's class.

Wednesday: In the morning I finish any reading/work that needs to be done. If I have been productive in the front half of the week I use this time to run errands or do my own work. If I have not been productive I am cramming for class in the afternoon. Class goes from 2:30-5:15. I come home, eat dinner, and then do reading for Thursday's class until 7:30.

Thursday: In the morning I finish the reading for class in the afternoon. Class meets from 2:30-5pm. I come home and give myself permission to not do any work because my brain is fried and I do not have class tomorrow.

Friday: No class today! I start the morning with therapy, and then this is my day to attend to personal errands. This is mostly grocery shopping, laundry, and tidying. In the evening I often go out with friends to things like hockey games and bar trivia. Sometimes I go to Friday night Shabbat services.

Saturday: This is my day to decompress. I sleep in and then spend most of the early afternoon doing nothing. I paint my nails, read for fun, or take my dog for a long walk. In the afternoon I'll do something social—most weeks this is volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters.

Not pictured are daily activities that include, but are not limited to:

Checking email. Seriously, so many emails. I was not prepared for how many emails I would be getting in grad school

Classwork that I need to be turning in like paper abstracts, discussion posts, meeting with faculty

Doctors appointments

Cooking for myself. Trader Joe's frozen meals are a life saver

Attending talks/programs held on campus, usually in the evenings. These are prime time for networking

Hanging out with friends before class sometimes

Miscellaneous meetings

Walking my dog

Evening routines like Duolingo, journal entries, creative writing time, etc.

NAPS

Unexpected crises

Also, keep in mind that as someone living with a chronic illness/disability, I operate with less energy than some of my peers. But overall, my MA schedule is similar to my bachelor's one, but with fewer classes that each take up more time, and alongside working as a TA. My academic commitments with three grad classes are about the same as my undergrad semester when I took six classes.

As always, other people are free to chime in with their own experiences/observations.

-Reid

[cwritesforfun]

(Criminal Minds) Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader: Lunch Date

Based on 1st Season Spencer Reid Spencer met Y/N at a bookstore. He asked her out and his date is tomorrow.  Got facts Spencer will day from these websites - Wikipedia, PubMed, Journal of Sleep Research, and college grad program website **I don't own these characters except for Y/N and the waiter, Alex** **Y/N = Your Name**

Master list

Spencer's POV

We just got back to Quantico from our last case in Florida.

I pack up my things to go home and Morgan walks over. He asks "Doing anything this weekend?" I answer "Reading Lord Of The Rings, a date, and catching up on my soap shows." Morgan nods and then his jaw drops. He asks "A date? Damn with who pretty boy?" I laugh and answer "A girl from a bookstore." He replies "Don't do anything I would do. Actually scratch that man, do what I would do. Enjoy yourself." Garcia stops by and asks "Enjoy himself? Hey, remember when Reid did his physics magic and it exploded at Hotchner's feet? He was enjoying himself then." We all laugh. Morgan says "He's going on a date." Garcia smiles and hugs me. She says "Omg I can't believe it. Tell me everything." I reply "There's really not much to tell. She was in the fantasy genre section of the bookstore on 5th Street named BooksAMillion. It was actually row 16. I was browsing nearby and I thought she looked pretty. I walked over and we talked about books for a little bit before I asked her out. The bookstore worker wasn't happy about us talking semi-loudly, but I could tell she likes to see a relationship blossom at her store. She let it pass. That's it." Garcia laughs and replies "Of course, you met her at a bookstore and remember exactly where you met. Please invite me to the wedding and the proposal you should have there." I reply "Garcia, I haven't even gone out with her yet." She laughs and replies “You always know when it’s the one.”

Y/N's POV - Next Day!

I'm meeting Dr. Spencer Reid for our date tonight. He's literally the same age as me and has multiple PHD’s. I feel so unaccomplished. It's fine though. After getting a double Master's, I was done with school.

We're going to lunch at some random place he picked then we planned on picking a book out for each other at the bookstore we met at. I think it'll be cute. I'm very excited.

I arrive at the lunch place on time and see Dr. Reid sitting on the bench outside. He sees me, waves, and stands. I walk up and exclaim "Hi Dr. Reid! How are you doing today?" He replies "Please call me Spencer. I've had a good day so far. I finished rereading the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy and started rewatching episodes of my soaps."

We head inside the restaurant and we take a seat at an empty table.

I ask "Finish the trilogy again? Wait did you read all 3 today or just the last one?" He answers "All 3. I can read 20,000 words per minute." I reply "Damn I wish I was you. That would've made school so much easier." He replies "Not for me. I was bullied in school. I reply “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m glad you made it out in one piece.” He smiles and says “Yeah, I made it out one piece physically. My reading speed did help with my 3 BAs and 3 PHDs that my bullies don’t have." I smile and reply "Wow what a flex. I was wondering why you were called a Doctor. Personally, I only got two Master's and then I was done with school." He replies "More than 16 million people have a Master's in the U.S. That is roughly 8% of the population. Did you know that the amount of students in college now who are pursuing their Master's is higher than in the past decade?" I answer "That's so interesting. Huh well, I think it personally helped me get the job I have, which is good."

A waiter walks up and exclaims "Sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Alex. I'll be your server this afternoon. What can I get for both of you to drink?" We both tell him our drink orders then he swiftly returns with drinks. We tell him our food order and he leaves.

I ask "Have you ever been here before?" He shakes his head and answers "My friend, Morgan, told me about it. He goes on a lot of dates. It seemed to have a good selection from the menu, so I'm glad he suggested it." I smile and nod. He asks "Any plans for the rest of the weekend?" I answer "Get some sleep tonight to be ready for the week and maybe bake some kind of bread to eat for breakfast this week." He replies "Oh... According to PubMed, people don't just adjust to a routinely disparate weekday and weekend sleep schedule. You think you do, but you don't. Not to mention, the Journal of Sleep Research says we get about 30 minutes less sleep than we would ideally need on each night of the working week... sorry I got a little carried away there." I smile and reply "No problem at all. It's super interesting. Did any of those articles ever say what to do instead? Because if you aren't catching up with your sleep, then what? He answers "Mainly it said to keep a normal sleep schedule and not to change anything." I reply "Is that cool? Yes. Will I try it? Maybe not. I love not having a healthy sleeping pattern." He laughs.

Food arrives and we eat.

After lunch, we walk down the street to BooksAMillion for the next part of our date.

I ask "So do we have a time limit or book limit or price limit or anything?" He asks "Do you have an idea of what you want to get already?" I nod. He says "Ok so do I. We can do 15 minutes and a 2-book limit." I reply "Deal!"

We separate and I start walking to fantasy. He seems like a Star Trek & adventure-loving guy, so time for my first book. I grab my first book and then head to the nonfiction section for my second one. I pick it up and head to the checkout line. I wait in it and checkout.

As I walk towards the exit, I see Spencer by the entrance holding a bag plus two cups. He hands me one and says "I got you a coffee. You seem like a two-sugar and half-n-half girl to me. I hope you don't mind and I hope I got your order right." I reply "Omg wow yes that is my order. Thanks, Spencer. Shall we?" I motion to the door and he nods.

We leave and head to the park across the street. We sit on a bench and I ask "Who first?" He answers "You seem excited. You start." I smile and say "Ok... here ya go. I shall explain why as soon as you see them." I hand him the bag and he sets his coffee down. He takes the bag and opens it. He pulls out the first one. I exclaim "Ok so my first one. Now based on our one conversation from last time, you gave me Trekkie vibes like you just seem like Star Trek would be your thing. Am I right?" He nods and I continue "Awesomeness wow! So my first one is Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik gives me very much Kathryn Janeway vibes. Ooh I hate that I've said vibes twice in the span of 5 minutes. Ew. Sorry ok so... Kathryn was the first Federation captain to successfully traverse the Delta Quadrant, encountering dozens of new planets and civilizations over the course of seven years. Then in the book, the plot revolves around three amazing women and a stubborn resistance to cultural norms. Have you read it before?" He shakes his head and replies "No I can't say I have. Nice call on Star Trek. So now book 2!" He pulls it out and I exclaim "Ahh ok so book two is The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I recommend it to so many people because I think there's something in there that will resonate with everybody. It makes you believe in yourself and not feel so uninspired by work. I don't even know if you feel that way, but it's helped me and I thought hey why not?" He replies "Well thank you. I'm sure I'll like it. I'm excited to read them." I smile.

I set my coffee down and he hands me my bag. He picks his coffee back up, sips it, then exclaims "So the first one is a classic, so I really hope you haven't read it yet. The Once And Future King by T.H. White is a retelling of King Arthur and his life. The book is divided into four parts, which are The Sword in the Stone detailing the youth of Arthur. Then, The Queen of Air and Darkness was published separately in a somewhat different form as The Witch in the Wood. Next is The Ill-Made Knight (1940), dealing mainly with the character of Lancelot. Lastly is The Candle in the Wind. I hope you like it as much as I do. My second book is quite the craze among people at the moment. It is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It was originally written in Portuguese, but I picked the English version for you. It follows a young Andalusian shepherd on his journey to the pyramids of Egypt, after having a recurring dream of finding a treasure there. I hope you like them." I smile and reply "I'm excited to read them. Thank you so much, Spencer." His phone rings and he says "Oh... one minute." He walks off with his phone.

Spencer shortly returns and says "This was a fun date. Thank you for coming. I hope we can do this again. Unfortunately, I have to head to work." I reply "Aww yeah I had fun too. This was a great date! Well, I guess I'll see ya Spencer!" He grabs his bag and coffee then he leans forward to kiss me on the cheek. He says "Bye Y/N." I wave bye and he walks off.

I head home right after to start reading my books.

Spencer's POV

On the jet, I pull out my books and set them on the table. Morgan asks "You got new books? What about that date? Did you miss it?" I answer "No. In fact, she picked these books out for me. One was because she guessed I was a Star Trek fan and one was to inspire me plus it's one of her favorite books. I gave her The Once And Future King plus The Alchemist." He laughs and replies "Nerds. Geez. So you had fun?" I answer "Technically fun is enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure. I have fun all the time. If you mean, do I think we'll go on another date? I kissed her on the cheek and she let me ramble. I'd say yes." He laughs.

........................................................................... THANK YOU FOR READING!!!! :)

[musubiki]

im ngl noww that you say that you do art as a hobby, im just intrigued by how you are so confident and are able to have the free time to do it as a hobby...

i hope i didnt make a mistake taking art college ;; IM ROOTING FOR YOU TOO! its so luckily nowdays to have a job youre at least okay with but also have some really fun hobby on the side too

to one broke college student to another do u have any advice for future years? i ltrly just started college like 3 weeks ago

aaaa as far as time for the hobby goes, i actually only have that kinda time very recently (like over the summer and this semester).....if you noticed, i kinda dropped off for a year where i mustve only drawn like 10 things??? which is because last year was such a busy year for me in terms of work and courses...but this semester is better because im only in 3 classes: one doesnt have any exams and another im retaking (cuz i didnt pass the summer comp exam for it lol) so its all content ive seen before!! so this semester is a little easier and i can draw a bit more when i dont have homework or on the weekends!!!

as far as advice goes, (im not sure how art school works? or if youre in a normal university just majoring in art?) id say: take a lot of different classes to see what you like! explore different areas, and i think it might also be good to have like.....a contingency plan so to speak. like in my undergrad i got a minor in anthropology and almost got a certificate in accounting just so i had a little more options post-undergrad if the math major didnt work out!! so doing something like that is never a bad idea!!! (my undergrad program had a requirement to fulfill a certain amount of credits outside your major courses, so i used those to explore different things)

also dont be afraid to change if you feel you dont like your current path.....like i mentioned i was an astronomy major in undergrad first, and had wanted to go into astronomy since i was a kid, but found eventually it wasnt for me (i couldnt cut it in physics) and switched to something i wasnt SUPER passionate about, but i was good at it!! which was a huge decision for me and lowkey pretty risky (the fuck do you do with a math major?? everyone i asked they just replied "Oh you can do lots of things!" and never gave me an actual job title)

try to do summer internships if you can! as long as its financially feasible for you, itll make your resume a lot beefier when you graduate if employers/grad school see that you already have several experiences under your belt (and experience compounds on itself-- the more you have the more likely you are to get more!! for example here in my program, if you have more stats and coding experience coming in youre more likely to get more stats/coding assistantships, so you gain even more experience over the person who had no stats/coding experience prior and as a result got sent to be a TA or something. so the person who already had experience gets more experience and the person who didnt falls even further behind :') (me) )

networking is also important!!! since youre just in undergrad, i would recommend starting by talking to professors when you can. doesnt need to be like, going out of your way to go to their office hours and talk stories, but maybe chat a bit before/after class!! ask them how their weekend went, ask a dumb clarifying question!! i got to my current grad program because my professor came to me before class one day and said "I have a friend from [my current program] coming to recruit, you should go meet him." so be friendly with your professors so they get to know you and will pass on opportunities when they hear about them!!

a lot of professors get emails from all kinds of jobs/programs to the effect of "[place] is looking to recuit/hire" and they can pass those your way if youre on their radar!! and lastly work hard!!

(anyway this is advice i have based on my own experiences and what worked for me, it will most likely be different for you!! stay on top of your studies, but also force yourself to rest every so often!! I personally do not do any work on saterdays and try not to on sundays!! so i feel okay working hard the other nights of the week so i have two full days of rest....sacrifice your work-week free time for grades :') sometimes the best thing for your mental health is just getting the thing you dont wanna do out of the way!! good luck in uni!!!)

[catboybiologist]

hey how did you get into studying bio?

i'm asking cause i'm looking at potentially going into a biology adjacent field and i was wondering how you got into bio in the first place and why

My disclaimer on stuff like this is PLEASE do not treat me as an authority, I'm one grad student and not even a particularly significant one at that. I'm one experience of many.

So first off, the why: I've always enjoyed nature, and loved animals, so there was never really a moment in my life that I wasn't going to do something like that. I originally entered college as an ecology major, and did volunteering related to that, but I soon realized several things about ecology I didn't like while simultaneously gaining a keen interest in lab biology. An interest in animals and nature just kinda made me ask more questions about how things worked on a more and more fundamental level, until I realized I was more interested in genetics than I was about food webs.

Second off, the how: my career/education has had a pretty standard outline, at least for the US, with a couple of small notes. Got a bachelor's at a local state college, stuck around that same college to wait out two years of my life while the world was fucked (wooo undergrad class of 2020), and now I'm doing my PhD after that.

There are two notes I would give:

1, start undergrad research early. Your mentors, advisors, hell pretty much anyone in the older generation or even a slightly different field may tell you to either pursue internships or not to worry about research too much. They're wrong. Standards have generally increased, especially for grad school applications, and undergraduate research experiences counts in industry as well. Yes, it's completely fucked, because its a system that exploits free labor, but that could be a post of its own that I will probably make at some point.

2, my master's degree was technically unnecessary, but practically very necessary to get into my PhD program. It's hard to say whether this was just my admittance year, because it seems like everyone had a similar idea to me (get more experience through either a MS or industry in a safer, more known environment before uprooting your life for a PhD), so my PhD cohort has a relatively high proportion of people already with master's degrees. Its hard to say whether this is a phenomena isolated to my admit year, or whether this reflects the trend of increased admission standards over time (which, even aside from this, has been noted by many). If this is the route you wanna take, you'll have to evaluate what kind of degrees you want when you get there.

Any time I talk about career trajectories, I also include this little note: remember that there are two PhD systems in the world. The one I'm talking about is used in the Americas and East Asia from what I know. In this system, PhDs only require a bachelor's degree for admittance, but take 5-7 years. Usually, there's a midway point where you can "master out" and quit with a MS. So for me, already having a MS wasn't strictly necessary.

There's another system used by most of Europe, Oceania, and other places that I couldn't rattle off that's somewhat different. Here, PhDs only take 3-5 ish years, but they usually require that you already have a MS or additional technical certifications for admittance.

Both are essentially equivalent, I just include a little note about it when I talk about my MS. When I say it's unnecessary it sometimes confuses people who are mostly familiar with the second system.

I'm open to questions about this but again, remember I'm just one perspective, not an authority.

[superfluouskeys]

Do you have any advice for someone who will be applying to grad school soon? I want to eventually get a PhD and teach, but it's so scary to think about organizing myself enough to do the applications and I also barely know where to begin. Any advice is welcome!!

Also p.s. i love your fics <3

Thank you so much!! I will try my best! Disclaimer: I only know how it is in the U.S., but I do have a fair amount of friends/acquaintances who have gone to grad school in various fields, so I think I have a pretty wide range of experiences to go off of besides my own.

BIG first thing: find programs that will either pay for your degree or otherwise offer you some kind of excellent financial aid situation. It is almost never worth it to get yourself into some kind of hellish student loan situation. If you want to teach there might be some kind of government forgiveness thing but even those can be unwieldy, so just watch out and stay on top of it.

But, going off of that, and this is just my personal opinion, but don't bother applying anywhere you don't actually want to go just because the money is good or it's prestigious or whatever. You're already going to be mildly miserable a lot of the time while doing your PhD, you might as well do it in a place you can tolerate. Figure out what's most important to your own success--for me, I absolutely have to like my professors or I will really struggle. Other considerations fall below this.

Someone will probably have a suggestion specific to your field for how many schools you should apply to to maximize your chances, so you can build a list of schools you're interested in based on that vague estimate to start looking into, but I also think there's something to be said for drawing the line at a certain point where it's not worth it, and you might be better off getting some kind of work experience for a year or two and then trying again. I actually applied to graduate school right out of college, which would have been a DISASTER if I had gone LOL.

BIG second thing, just based on my personal foibles, reach out to some professors/mentors/employers/whatever with whom you've had a good relationship in the past (if you haven't spoken recently), ask them how they're doing, and update them on what you've been up to and that you're thinking about pursuing your PhD. This is especially important if you've been out of school for awhile, but it's good to get into the habit of periodically touching base with professional contacts even if you're still in school. You're going to need letters of recommendation, AND you're going to keep needing references for various things, and it's good if you don't have to cold call people you haven't spoken to in a long time once you already need something.

Note that calling up esp. professors you haven't kept in touch with is usually fine! People generally want to help you! It will just make you feel less awkward if you've kept in touch ahead of time. It's great if the person has some connection to your field, but IMO it's better if the person just knows and likes you and can speak honestly to your merits.

I also personally had a huge issue just wrangling the people who agreed to write me letters of recommendation to like, do it, and use the website submission thing correctly, in time for the submission deadlines LOL, and I felt SO awkward reminding them about it but was also going INSANE as the deadlines approached. This was honestly one of the most stressful parts of the whole process for me, and you might find you want to apply for an internship or grant or something early on before you've really connected with your new profs and need these references AGAIN, so my advice is just try to get some people who are willing to help you lined up ASAP so perhaps you can avoid this particular nightmare. 2 minimum, but 3-5 is ideal.

As for organizing everything, it's definitely time-consuming, but there's also something kind of gratifying about it. When you go through the trouble of gathering together every mildly relevant or impressive thing you've ever done in your life, you'll be like, wow, I did some cool stuff actually :). Note that you never know what admissions will find interesting about you, so don't count anything out right off the bat--my school loved that I have a background in music, while my German degree continues to be pretty much irrelevant LOL. If you're still in or just out of school there's probably someone whose job it is to help you with e.g. how to put together a grad school resume or read over your personal essays or w/e, so definitely take advantage if that exists, but you can absolutely do it yourself if not, no sweat!

Though I would recommend finding someone, like maybe one of those past profs/mentors/etc. I mentioned, to look over your personal essays for you just so there's another pair of eyes on them. Personal essays were the SECOND most stressful part of the whole process for me because I HATE writing personal essays LOL! But having someone tell me what kind of narrative law schools are looking for helped me to refocus my writing and feel slightly less insane about it.

Finally, always remember, don't sell yourself short!! In any application process you want to play up your strengths and minimize your weaknesses, but don't hold yourself back based on the weakest points in your application. Apply for things you really want to do or that would be really beneficial for you even if you don't think you'll get them--you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and this applies to every aspect of your life btw!

I hope some of this was at least mildly helpful! I wish you all the best in your journey! Grad school is great and such a rewarding--

[thistransient]

- So I went to the Taiwanese trial class with my friend. It was taught by a little old lady who was nice enough but gave me some mild flashbacks to those harrowing weeks with the Mandarin teacher of a similar age. Most of the session was her explaining the history of 台語 in Taiwan, with a side of trying to force the 8 tones and counting from 1 to 10 upon us via rote memorization. I felt a bit frustrated and not entirely thrilled, my friend was miffed that the school hadn’t explained the price they quoted was for the trial class only. We’ve decided to give it a pass and try a different school, although our scheduled trial there is on hold on account of the teacher falling ill. In the meantime my friend has begun to contemplate taking group Japanese class instead (as his partner and her kid are Japanese), which is much more widely available. I am tempted. Do I need to start half-assedly learning yet another language? Probably not. Do I want to divert my energy from Mandarin to whole-assedly learn Japanese? Also not really. Is there a high chance of following through nonetheless? At least I’m self-aware about it...

- Job applications here largely require a photo, and I need a haircut but I’m afraid to go back to the place I went in August for the big chop. The guy started cutting it while wet, then broke out the blow-dryer and kept snipping til he was satisfied, but because my hair is curly and I do not own styling product more complicated than a comb, it reverted immediately to a vague dandelion shape and took several months to actually resemble the reference photo I’d provided. The thought keeps crossing my mind to simply shave my head entirely. I had it buzzed to a 3 some ten years ago after a dye-job gone wrong and did not enjoy my appearance. Of course I look different now, and hair grows back, but the struggle between wanting the catharsis and radical change (not to mention less mess in the shower drain strainer) of a head-shave, and fearing the hassle of growing it all back out if I do truly detest it is raging inside of me.

- After coming back from Korea I may have spent one whole day languishing in bed and eating spoonfuls of peanut butter as a meal before slowly reconvening daily activities. I have been meeting some friends and going out, but I end up needing one day of hermit-like recovery for every outdoor social endeavour. I have yet to implement any kind of proper schedule (beyond “try to eat three meals and go outside at least once”), leading my friends to recommend I start by contemplating my greater, overarching goals for life. Every few years I come round to the notion of attempting a STEM degree (which would require redoing undergrad, but, as they say, “the time will pass anyways”). I think it would be really engaging to do a program taught in Chinese, and possibly motivate me to overcome my deficiencies in the math department, which is what always puts me off the whole scheme. Scientific terms are so much simpler in Mandarin because they’re extremely 顧名思義 (just as the name implies); English really shot itself in the foot with all the Greek and Latin. I don’t even need to check the dictionary to figure out 光合 means ‘photosynthesis’... Will I actually follow through with this, and live out my days happily studying trees and avoiding small talk with humans, or will I continue to trundle through life intermittently trying to teach English between bouts of autistic burnout? When I put it that way, the answer seems obvious, but this is without factoring in all the bugs that live in trees... Also wasn’t I trying to convince myself to go to grad school for what, translation? linguistics? library science? something? just a few months ago? Maybe overarching life goals are a red herring at present, and I should just get a job first and then see what kind of things I’m interested in when I have consistent disposable income to pursue them at length.

- I am, at the ripe old age of my mid-30s (I’m rounding up since my birthday is next month- again, so soon??) being forced to reconsider what it means to like someone. Perhaps on account of being socially inept and spending all of my formative years in Catholic school, I took for granted that it was that painful, infatuated pining one feels for attractive strangers or casual acquaintances who generally don’t reciprocate. In the past couple years I began to experience the strange phenomenon of having great affection for friends I’d gotten to know slowly and who became increasingly physically appealing as time wore on, but I wrote this off as Mystery Emotion X because it lacked that frantic obsession I was accustomed to. Now I suspect this may simply be a healthy manifestation of romantic attraction. I’ve often struggled with exactly what identity label the intersection of my gender, attraction pattern, and neurodivergency might land me under. I think the plot is thickening... but I will put off pursuing further clarity by going to the BDSM bar instead.

[fancybois]

RIP Worth It

First off, I want to give a shout out to all the friends I’ve made along the way, you know who you are. I started this side blog during the peak of Worth It and the fandom, in 2017. And it was a much needed hobby for me to plug in to. 

I had just finished grad school, I had moved for an internship and I was alone and far from friends and family. I was getting over a major heartbreak too. I came back to my small apartment to my laptop to work on gifs for the fandom, chat with friends, or read fanfic (still some of the most quality fics I’ve read). I started my mornings before work watching Worth It in chronological order. I am so so grateful for this show and how it got me through my loneliness. So thank you Worth It fandom and thank you Andrew, Steven, and Adam and the rest of the Worth It team. 

Now. On to my last liveblog:

OKAY IMMEDIATELY NO. IMMEDIATELY 

HES’ GOING TO THE WATCHER STUDIO STOP THIS

IM LITERALLY SOBBING

SOMEONE MAKE A GIF WITH STEVEN GOING TO GET ANDREW IN  S1 AND NOW ANDREW GETTING STEVEN PLEASE i DONT HAVE THE PROGRAMS OR TIME TO DO IT

STEVEN’S DRIVING AGAIN 

Bub and Grandma’s has actually come up a lot in other videos for their amazing bread and I’m glad they have a shop now! If I ever visit LA I have to go there

First Cheers Steven, wonderful

Okay passionfruit donut??? Has to slap. That is my favorite flavor. Adam immediately going to that shows he knows whats up

Andrew just fucking dying when Steven said that he didn’t like limes as a kid

Andrew was like, you’ll remember this chef from our Oil episode and I was like, nope sure don’t, but I do remember the Boon sauce!

No Worth It fact?? ☹

Man, that chicken looks so so good

Steven: “Favorite food: free bread.” I knew he was my fave for a reason.

Second Cheers Steven!!!!

Oh man, pandemic Steven with the his black hair and glasses?? So fucking cute

Damn, we really got some Hearteyes! Andrew when Steven said he only thought of mousse as the thing his dad put in his hair. This last episode is a gift

Andrew was not ready for Steven to say confidence is sexy haha

Okay but that chicken might be sexy but that dessert is absolutely sexy too

Now Andrew is drivinggggg

Lot of French inspo in this episode

Man, remember when these boys had next to no experience with fine dining?? 

CHEERS STEVEN X3 HELL YEAH

Andrew: “This amuse bouche feels like the closest thing I’ve eaten to a pet treat.” hahaha

Half the things this chef is saying is in another language and I’m like, idk what that is but it looks good!

Throw back to their first episode. Every time I see truffle I think of the boys <3

Also this song was used when they were eating another fancy thing and I love that

Damn, Andrew really missed the opportunity to call back his hot honey joke. Local honey, that’s what they called me in high school. 

Pocky. They made fancy pocky.

Steven: “This is me holding on to like... everything I own, ya know? I just don’t want it to end. Arguably, the worst bite. Because it’s over.” Yeah. I feel that right now. That gave me a lump in my throat. 

Adam: “My Worth It Winner is the friends we made along the way.” So well said. Thanks guys. 

[where-fantasy-meets-reality]

“Reflections of A Distant Past” Chapter 3

Masterlist             Chapter 2 

Pairing: Ben Kenobi x Fem. Reader (second person) 

W/C: 7.9K

Warning: Angsty Ben and a lot of it. Other than that nothing that I can think of.

A/N: Hello everyone! I apologize for the disappearance but as I am nearing the end of my grad program and focusing on my thesis, my appearances and updates will be less frequent. I took advantage of the blip of free time that I had during spring break and wrote this. I hope you all enjoy it, I really liked the second half of the chapter and the relationship and world-building that it allowed me to explore. I haven't forgotten about this story (or any of the others) and think about them daily... so one day I will return to continue and finish them. For now, enjoy this surprise update, and as always thank you for the support. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

There was something about the golden sun’s rays of late July that were different than other times of the season.

The last days of the hot summer that came with August, along with the dread that every school child felt, weren’t exactly alive yet. However, neither was the joyful optimism that everyone felt at the beginning of June, the idea of a whole summer filled with possibilities and untapped potential for a good time and everlasting memories.

You remembered those days fondly, having been a child and then a college student that relished the free time that the summer brought them.

Now though, as a business owner, summer vacations only met more customers who came in for their beach reading.

This particular week had been busy but today was quiet; after the rush of the prior days, you weren’t complaining. Running a “one-man show” could be stressful during those times, but you still wouldn’t trade it.

Due to all the foot traffic that the store had experienced, things were looking a little rough. The carpets and floors needed a good vacuum and sweeping, and the shelves needed to be reorganized (people had a bad habit of just putting a book down anywhere) and dusted. And you needed to prepare for the inventory that would arrive in the next few days.

Grabbing the feather duster, you decided to get to work on the shelves first. Walking to the speaker that was kept on the back counter behind the register, you put it on and opened up the music app on your phone. Cranking up the music a tad bit louder than you should have, you started cleaning.

It was after the lunch rush and before the after-work rush. If you got one customer an hour during this time, especially in the summer, you’d be very lucky.

Therefore, taking some time to self-indulge in a great playlist on shuffle while you cleaned would be more than okay.

You were about halfway through “100 years” by Five for Fighting when you heard the little belle on the door jingle.

“....I’m 33 for a moment….” you were singing along to the song.

As you were still singing along you turned toward the entrances of the store. “Hi welcome…”

Ben Kenobi stood by the counter, hands tucked into the pockets of his dark jeans casually. He had on a dark green t-shirt today that contrasted so nicely from his mesmerizing blue eyes. “Hi, Emma.”

Oh… that accent stopped you in your tracks every single time. If you were going to start interacting with him more, you were going to have to do better at preparing yourself for stuff like this… even the small stuff, like his accent.

“Hey Ben….How are you?” You asked as your brushed your hair out of your face. Before he could answer you reached into your pocket and grabbed your phone lowering the music.

“That’s an interesting song….100 years right….” He jutted his chin out toward the phone, indicating to the music.

“Yeah….an oldie but a goodie….”

Ben’s smile widened with understanding.

“....I remember when it came out, I used to listen to it nonstop, literally.”

“Haha, oh yeah, how come?” Walking towards him you leaned against the counter, resting all your weight on one arm.

His eyes broke contact with yours and he bounced nervously on his feet as if your question made him feel uncomfortable.

You were starting to notice a slight pattern with him, anytime he was asked an overly personal question, he shifted the topic of conversation or he shied away from it.

Which left you with two observations. 1) he was either extremely insecure and shy or 2) Something had happened in his past and he didn’t like answering questions about himself because of it…or he couldn’t talk about it.

Judging by how this man carried himself, you were betting it was the second theory….which only deepened your burning curiosity about this intriguing individual.

“Ahhh…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “...You know how it is when you are young, you latch onto a song and just wear it out without understanding what it's really all about….I’m sure you did that as a young one.”

Nodding your head animatedly, you smiled brightly. “Oh yeah, that’s for sure. My parents would beg me to find a new song sometimes because they were tired of hearing the same one over again….that was the summer they caved and got me a walkman.”

When he smiled, a real genuine smile, you could tell because it reached his eyes and changed his whole expression. Gone was the standoff-ish shy person and the confident, warm and sincere person that Ahsoka had described him to be was in front of you.

“Anyways, that was a long time ago….I assume you are here for the book?”

He gave you a tight head nod. “Yes ma’am, I sure am….. I apologize for not answering your call, I was unavoidably detained.”

Circling behind the counter, you waved your hand where he could see it. “Not to worry Ben, most people don’t answer their phones these days. At this point, I expect to get people’s voicemails and then am stunned if they pick up.”

Grinning, he now leaned on the counter with both arms. “I will bare that in mind.”

Rising, you placed the box on the counter. “There we are….the collector’s version of A Study In Scarlet….just give me one second to update the store’s inventory, saying that you picked up the book….” glancing at him sideways, your lip perked up in a crooked smile, “...not that I would forget you stopping by, I just like to be thorough.”

“Of course….This business is important to you, and I wouldn’t want to see it disrupted by me….but I shall indulge in the fact, with your permission of course, that my stopping by is a memorable event.”

You were blushing, you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks.

“Of course it is.” You muttered, daring not to move your eyes away from the screen.  “Alright, all set there….now let’s switch over here, I’ll cash you out, and then your good to go.”

“I can’t thank you enough for going the extra mile and ordering this for me….as I said to you last week, this book means a great deal to me, and there are many fond memories attached to it…I greatly appreciate it.”

Punching in the amount he owed you into the register, you shrugged your shoulders. “It is my pleasure Ben. That’s part of the services we offer…if there is ever any book out there that you want that I don’t have in stock, I am more than willing to help it get into a reader’s hands in any way I can.”

When you looked up from the register, about to tell him his total, you caught him staring at you.

“Kind, witty, helpful, and beautiful….is there no limit to the qualities you possess?”

Pursing your lips, you ignored him with a smile and gave him the total.

Reaching into his back pocket, he grabbed his wallet and pulled his credit card out.

As you swiped the card and closed out the transaction you finally gave him an answer. “Well thank you…..but you flatter me way too much….”

Handing him the receipt and his card, you noticed how his fingers diligently brushed against yours. His skin was incredibly warm again.

About to comment on it, you decided against it. You didn’t want to bombard him with too many questions and you knew that he was not big on talking about himself so you didn’t bring it up.

Ben put his receipt in his pocket and his credit card back into his wallet. He sighed as he finished. “Well, I guess this is it then….unless I just decide to come back tomorrow and order the rest of the Sherlock Holmes collection.”

You put your hands in mock surrender, “hey, I don’t tell you how to spend your money but I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to it…seeing you is always a pleasure.”

“Shit.”  that last part had slipped out.

Yet, to your delight, he didn’t seem put off by it. His smile only grew brighter.

Reaching into his pocket, he grabbed his phone. Typing in a passcode, he briefly looked up. “Why don’t I get your number if that’s alright with you….that way if there are any other books I choose to order, I can be in touch with you easily.”

Not bothering to say anything, you practically grabbed his phone out of his hands and created a contact for yourself.

Ben arched an eyebrow as you were typing furiously. “Do you have an out-of-state number?”

“Nope. I am giving you both the number to the store and my personal cell…I don’t have a house phone or I’d give you that too…that way whenever book inspiration strikes, you can find me.”

“Perfect.” His voice was warm and soft.

Taking his phone back from you, he picked up the package from the counter. “Seriously Emma…Thank you again.”

Walking out from around the counter, you smiled ear-to-ear. “As I said before, it was my pleasure Ben. Just promise not to be a stranger, okay?”

A twinkle passed through his ocean-colored eyes. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ben sat on the front steps of the old craftsman-style house, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was quiet, a sweet-smelling summer evening and the stars were sparkling in the vast, inky-colored sky.

He loved to sit on the porch at night and look at the stars. Growing up in London, stars were something he only caught glimpses of, the city fog and smog always covering the sky in thick blankets. But here….now…he took every opportunity he could to sit and enjoy their beauty. It also helped that this was the space and time he used to clear his head and center himself…a self-check-in type thing. Being alpha, a clear head was an important thing to have… fogginess or uncertainty could have unintended consequences or cause other members to be restless.

On the nights when there was no deep brooding that was he being done, he still came to this place just to enjoy the agreeable weather and the outdoors.

Sometimes he brought a book or a crossword puzzle. On rare occasions, an audiobook…although that was not his favorite option, as he felt it distorted from the beautiful sounds that outdoors had to offer.

Tonight though, he just sat in silence, pensively staring at the sky, enjoying everything the natural world had to offer.

Crickets chirped to their own melody and in the distance, the owls joined in chorus with their soft hoots.

Every so often, a firefly would pass by, glowing brightly.

The moon was still and large, a silvery glowing orb that hung menacingly in the night sky….well, for him it was menacing.

Before, like every kid in the 19th century, the moon was one of the world’s greatest mysteries and wonders…. and just looked really darn cool.

But now….for him, the moon represented something completely different.

Scoffing at the orb, he shifted and leaned against the white wooden collum that was attached to the red brick front steps.

For a pack headquarters, the house wasn’t much by any means. A lot of werewolf alphas he knew lived in large, grand houses that were big enough for their whole packs to live in if they needed to.

Yet, that wasn’t what Ben wanted, and additionally, he already lived with his entire pack. Any closer and the four of them would start snarling at each other due to dominance issues. Packs like to be close and tight-knit, but a wolf still needs their freedom to run.

This time around, when they had moved into town, he had picked the house they were to live in. He had chosen an older craftsman home that was built in 1912, one of those Sears home catalog houses that had come in a package with the precut lumber and everything needed to assemble.

At 4,000-ish square feet, a three-car garage, four bedrooms, and two floors, she was pretty much perfect in his eyes. A double wooden front door with a large, beautiful front porch, lots of big pretty windows, and made out of sturdy wood and stone, it had not taken him much to convince the others that this should be the place they settle down in this time.

All these years later, with some modern upgrades, the house was still standing soundly. Sure, it creaked now and again, and sometimes the wifi had issues, but he appreciated her quality and her charm. It also reminded him of the simpler times he was desperate for.

And, at the end of the day, the house was four walls and a roof that kept them safe, warm, and together. It wasn’t large or grand, but just right for a pack of four unsuspecting werewolves who wanted to go unnoticed in the world they lived in. And, it was a heck of a lot better than some of the other places they had lived in…by a long shot…

The location had been perfect too. They were right on the edge of town, but not so far out in the boonies where getting to the city was a hassle. The house sat on a decent size of land, enough for them to have more than enough privacy.

Ben sighed as swished the contents of his mug around. Checking his watch, he realized he had been sitting out there for a while…which would explain why his coffee had gone cold.

He gave a “hmp” as his mind went back to the original reason that brought him outside with nothing but his thoughts.

But before he could too lost in his own thoughts, from inside the house Ben could hear footsteps approaching the door, and by the gate of the person walking and their sent, he already knew who it was. He took a deep breath to center himself in preparation.

The door swung open quickly.

“Crying out loud Ben….How loudly are you going to brood out here? Any more of it and I’m going to stage a full-scale pack intervention.”

Anakin stood in the doorway, half hanging out of it, looking at his oldest friend who hadn’t even bothered to turn around and acknowledge him.

Ben chuckled softly. “I haven’t even said a word.” His voice was calm and soft, communicating to Anakin that hadn’t been rattled by his intrusion.

He heard the door click closed and Anakin’s footsteps about a half second before the man sat down next to him.

“Yeah, well that’s not what the pack bonds say…I can feel and hear half of your thoughts remember?”

Ben rolled his eyes, “Don’t remind me,” he groaned.  

Anakin shifted and leaned his back against the stones that made up the side of the house. “Seriously….why all the moodiness? She’s a girl, not a banshee….”

Ben just choose to stare into his coffee cup and ignore the comment.

Nudging the other man’s foot with his, Anakin inclined his head. “Come on, you definitely need to talk to someone…let it be me… you are always there for me, let me return the favor….Plus…” he pursed his lips, “I think I’m the only person that can help….”

Ben gave a loud sigh, allowing the breath he had been holding in to escape and causing his shoulders to relax. Out of the corner of his eye could see the bright blue eyes of his second beaming at him. Finally smiled. “Oh, alright….fine….Yes….You know me pretty well at this point…and you do have a lot more relationship experience than I do….”

“And I’m a werewolf,” Anakin said pointing his index finger in the air.

Slightly nodding his head up and down, he continued not to look at Anakin. “That too.”

A silence fell over them as both men sat leaning against opposite sides of the house, one continuing to swirl the contents of his coffee cup in his hand, the other expectantly looking at the other man, waiting for him to say something and open up.

Even though it was not his intention, Ben was really starting to irk Anakin with the silent treatment.

“Well?!” He huffed with a wave of his hands.

“Well, what?!” Ben sighed defensively, his accent more British than he meant to be.

The younger man (although they physically looked the same age) pursed his lips into a straight line. ���...Ben….You’ve got something on your mind…and I know it’s got to do with several things but the girl is a big part of the angst….. so just start from the beginning and skip the “I hate being a werewolf part” because I am well versed in your version of that internal battle.”

Finally turning toward him, Ben looked at him with an expression Anakin couldn’t initially place.  “You never hated it or struggled with it…..being this monster?”

His voice was quite like he was ashamed to ask such a question.

“Not for a second…I choose this remember?…and I don’t consider myself a monster”

“Because of me…You choose this lifestyle because I corrupted you to it…” Ben huffed irritatedly.

Anakin bobbed his head back and forth in thought. “Debatable….arguable…but ultimately…I don’t think it was all you so don’t give yourself all the credit….I mean, you raised me, took me in when I was a 10-year-old orphan on the streets….so yeah, there was that connection…as a kid, I got to watch you run around and do all these cool things as a wolf that I couldn’t wait to do and wanted to do so badly”

“I wouldn’t call them cool” Ben whispered under his breath

“….and when the time came…the thought of getting to spend eternity as a supernatural creature with my best friend…well…no brainer…” Anakin spoke to his friend.

Ben shook his head. “I have never once felt that way, ever.” His expression glum.

Anakin opened his mouth and closed it, thinking before he said something.

“....I think the way it happened to you has everything to do with your thoughts and emotions tied to being a werewolf….and honestly…I think if I was in your situation…I might feel that way too…”

Raising his eyebrows and looking back at his cup again, Ben murmured, “...at least it’s not only me who came to that conclusion…”

“No it’s not….but what does all that have to do with Emma? If you have felt that way from the first day, why is that particular emotional battle conflicting you more so than usual….and whats her connection?”

Wide-eyed, Ben turned to Anakin, “Seriously?.... It has everything to do with her….”

His head flew back and Anakin let out a tiered groan, “Oh please, tell me the connection isn’t  “I’m a werewolf, and she is a human, it’s dangerous crap…”

Ben scoffed at Anakins imaptientness.

“....Come on man!…you were human once too, you still look like one… People can be attracted to something different…..it’s not so bad…. Padme was a human when I met her….”

“Something I was expressly against,” Ben mumbled firmly as he took a sip of his coffee.

“And Im so glad I didn’t listen to you!… She ended up being my mate…..think about for a second Ben….a once-in-a-billion chance for our kind, something that some of us never find….I found my mate….and had I listened to your sour self, I would have lost that opportunity.”

“Emma is not my mate, so that argument does not apply….” His eyes stared off into the distance as if he was waiting for something to appear in the middle of the street by magic.

“How do you know?” Anakin fired back, growing more impatient.

“Because she’s not.”

Leaning forward, Anakin moved into Ben’s vision, settling in for a long lecture. “Are you so sure? You’ve told me you just say things around her that you don’t mean to say, that she relaxes you and makes you comfortable in a way that no humane ever has, before or after your change….she gives you a feeling of hope like everything is okay in the world….That your wolf responds to her positively….”

Ben just shrugged his shoulders.

“Ugghhhh!!!!....I got news for you pal, anytime that thing inside us responds to anyone positively, they’re a keeper….Our wolves are predators by nature, they don’t like people that aren’t pack and he likes her….add all that together and it sounds like a very, very strong match, or…just maybe…you found your mate…”

Ben’s shoulders sunk lower and his head dropped. “...But I had someone already who I loved….I was engaged….”

He turned his head away so Anakin couldn’t see the glossy shine that had formed on his eyes or his lip quiver. It was a foolish attempt though… through the pack bonds not only could Anakin feel Ben’s burst of emotion, but he could feel the intense sadness creeping over him.

A hand touched Ben’s shoulder. “.....Ben…. it has been over 130 years, your devotion is admirable…but….I think you are okay to love again…I don’t think there is a person on this earth or beyond it who would fault you…I bet if you could ask Shopie what she thought, she would tell you to go for it…”

Ben openly flinched at the mention of her name…He didn’t often speak it out loud… but he didn’t answer Anakin; mainly because the younger man kept going.

“....And….” Anakin stiffened his stance, braced for a verbal or physical attack…. Or possibly both depending on how Ben took the next thing he said…. “...You know you weren’t actually engaged, right?….you had only bought the ring just that day…You never actually proposed.”

He winced, expecting the wolf to take over the man and react violently…

but he had braced for an attack that never came.

Ben instead was looking up a the sky, his stance calm, his breathing even, and his eyes were the crystal blue that belonged to the man, not the golden color of the wolf. When he did speak his voice was hoarse…“But in my mind, I was already committed to her…I had been mentally for some time….I had known her since she was born, our families were always together…it was always hinted that one of my brothers or I would marry someone in their family….”

The silence hung between them, like an oppressive blanket attempting to smother them both.

Collecting his courage, Anakin broke the silence. “Did she ever marry?”

For all the time he had known Ben, he never discussed his human life at length because it always brought him great pain. It had literally taken Anakin about 100 years to get Ben to give fuller, more intricate depictions of his life before the change.

Ben shrugged his shoulders. “I do not know….I assume….I never bothered to follow up on what happened to anyone from old life because…well….because…”

He frowned. “...I hope she did, as much as that stings…she didn’t deserve to be alone because of my fate and stupidity…She was so wonderful…no one that wonderful deserves a lifetime of loneliness and servitude.”

“So why should you be punished? Why should you suffer a fate you wouldn’t wish on her?”

Ben was silent, trying to control his sadness and growing anger that was fueled by bitterness. The wolf wanted to spring out of him and fight with his second in command until he learned his palace, to never question his alpha again….

But that's not who Ben was….not the man, who strived to keep alive every day. The human Ben was open to different opinions, diplomatic and understanding, he would want the input and advice of someone as loyal as Anakin.

Stilling himself, he eventually came back to his original argument.

“….We are monsters…. Even you have to admit there is a degree of danger that comes with dating a human….Around me, she is a liability to herself and she doesn’t know it, and she could become a target for so many other things…”

“That we can protect her from,” Anakin interjected.

Ben eyed him strongly. “We’re not a big pack, we can easily be outnumbered.”

“And that’s because of you Mr. Alpha.” Anakin snapped.

Ben shot him another warning look, now a hint of gold in his eyes, and Anakin scooted back a bit and raised his hands.

“Hey, I’m just saying…we’ve been around a long time” his head gestured back and forth between the two of them… “ …even longer for you, as much as you hate being what you are now, you’ve met a lot of others who are just like us…You could have made our pack a lot bigger and more powerful, not that I’m complaining, I like it just us…”

“I am not a leader, not when it comes to being a werewolf….on a good day I am not even overly joyed at my situation and my anger towards it is something I’ve never let go of…”

Anakin reached out and put a hand on Ben’s shoulder again, attempting to change the direction of the conversation. “I think you should go for it with Emma and let go of this pain….We would have your back no matter what and we want you to be happy, as your family and as your pack..…. Plus, you know what they say, happy alpha, happy pack….”

Despite Anakin’s attempt at a joke to break the tension, Ben was still solemn.

“I’m just so afraid of what could be…what potential dangers live on the horizon….and so ashamed of what I am…I feel that she deserves better…I can never give her a normal life….I am afraid that my very association with her will bring her harm…or us harm…a human can be a problem for a wolf pack if she ends up connected to the pack bonds and something happens to her….”

“Ben, you're spiraling….first off…asking her out on one date isn’t going to change the fate of the universe. Secondly, we’ve done this all before, with Padme…This is the same scenario, she was a human, and I was a werewolf…. we made it work and we can do it again, we already know what to expect..… Just think, we didn’t even have Ahsoka when we brought Padme in, and now we have an extra wolf fo….”

Ben interjected. “Yeah, but you changed Padme within a year and then you two got married…”

“So, we can do the same to her if she wants…” Anakin exclaimed with excitement.  

Yet….by the time Anakin realized that there was the potential opportunity to change Emma into a werewolf, he remembered that was the wrong thing to say at this moment…. but it had been too late.

Ben had perfected control over his inner beast a long time ago, but at Anakin’s suggestion, the yellow that shined through his eyes would make anyone think that was a lie.

“NO!” he growled, the sound coming from low and deep in his chest. “She will never be what we are...”

That wasn’t Ben talking….that was his wolf…..

Inside a werewolf, there would always be a dominance battle between the human soul of the person, and the wolf…..Kind of like two people sharing the same space but being connected as one… Even the wolves who were very old and considered themselves to have “dominated” their beast still had to deal with another presence inside of them all the time.

Sometimes a trigger, like what Anakin had said to Ben, could cause the wolf to rise to the surface in an attempt to dominate the situation.

That was never a good thing, that was when werewolves were the most unpredictable.

Very slowly, Anakin backed away slowly realizing that this time he really had ticked his superior off. A smarter person would have taken that as the cue to stop pushing the topic….but Anakain never considered himself that person. He was as dominant as his alpha…possibly even more so. His desire not to lead and stay carefree was what caused his master to assume the role that he had.

Unlike Ben, he was a realist. Anakin kept his voice and body language neutral… “Ben…if you get close to her and you two do…you know, really fall in love..she may want the change so she can be around for…well as long as you are…Padme wanted it when we decided to marry…who are we to stop her….”

“NO!” Ben snarled loudly as the cup in his hands shattered. Coffee and blood covered his hands as the pieces of the broken ceramic clanged on the brick steps as they hit the ground.

The door from the house opened and Padme came outside and handed Ben a wet towel for his hands. She knew bandages weren’t necessary. In a few minutes, the cuts would scab and by the time he went to bed, his hands would be completely healed.

She took the spot Anakin had been occupying and sat down, leaning her shoulder against the house like he had. “As much as I know you don’t want to hear it Ben, Annie is right….I wanted to be with the man I fell in love with forever…his version of forever.”

Ben rolled his eyes.

“....And I was against that….He took your life away Padme…” Ben snarled as he wiped his hands. “...I will not ruin her life that way….and turn her into some kind of vicious creature that she’ll be constantly at war with…no, never.”

Padme was an omega…always the lowest ranking member of any pack, but by no means submissive. Because of her status in the pack, she wasn’t a credible threat to Ben’s wolf and his dominance, thereof she was probably the only person who could or should be talking to him right now about this topic or with him in this state. The fact that she was married and mated to the pack's second….was something that could be ignored at the moment.

Werewolves were tricky. They were very aggressive creatures who liked tradition and hierarchy. Yet, due to the human that he was, Ben had worked hard to negotiate with his wolf and do things differently than other packs did…well, not so different that it was new… but it was enough that it took the wolf half of him some getting used to.

The human side of Ben wasn’t a possessive, aggressive, or territorial person, the opposite really. But Ben was dominant, even as a man. At first, the battle between man and beast had been a brutal one, an inner war that raged and wore Ben out and had taken him years to win.

Eventually, the two beings learned to get along and came to agreements on what each would tolerate.

That was one of the problems in Ben’s pack had that no other pack had….or at least out of the ones that he had come across.

All four pack members were dominant beings, making their wolves more of the leadership type.

Their rankings in the pack were split by hairs; making it very easy for one member of the group to overstep their boundaries…something that could be very dangerous for a werewolf.  

For example, Ahsoka technically outranked Padme in dominance, but because Anakin and Padme were married and he was the pack’s second in command, Padme took her rank from her husband.

Sometimes it caused problems, as there were so many dominant people in a small social group. But for the sake of family, they all had learned to control their wolves and stick together as a unit. At the end of the day, pack was important.

“Do you still feel that way now Ben? Are you still against me being in the pack?” Padme's voice was a whisper as her warm eyes stared at the sky.

Anakin smirked, he loved how his wife was so quietly clever, he could see the trap she was laying for Ben, who was too busy brooding and cleaning his bloodied hands to notice.

“Of course not Padme…You’re Anakin’s mate and you’ve become like a sister to me…I value you and your company…I love you…” He said without skipping a beat, his attention focusing on his task had allowed him to speak from the heart.

Leaning forward, she kissed Ben on the cheek, a slightly dangerous thing to do with his wolf so close to the surface; but she trusted him. Another dumb thing for her to do.

Never trust a human whose wolf is that close to the surface.

“And I love you too…You are a brother and alpha all in one….You are my family as much as you are Anakin’s. And, because of that, I want to see you happy…Just give it a chance Ben, if it doesn't work out, we move….”

He sighed. “I don’t want to move just now, not again…Ahsoka just finished her junior year of high school and is about to go into her senior year…”

Anakin rolled his eyes, “Yeah for…what…the thousandth time?”

Padme giggled. “I think she’s gone through 15 high school graduations…Sure, she’s attended more years than that, but she only made it to actual graduation 15 times…”

“Exactly,” Anakin said as he shifted and put his hand on Padme’s shoulder. “If we move I think she will be okay…”

Ben shook his head. “No, a responsible alpha looks after his pack in all areas….she has friends this time, she’s getting good grades for the first time in two decades, and she’s taking care of herself during full moons…. She has a job at the cafe and she enjoys it… she’s fitting in socially, which historically has been hard for her to do…and she really likes it here….”

He shook his head. “No, I put my pack first….”

“And your pack wants you to be happy…Yes…there is no denying that Ahsoka would find it hard to leave, but there’s nothing saying we can’t come back in a year or two… it’s not like she couldn’t stay in touch with the friends she made…she was always good at surviving by herself…Plus….it’s not like she’ll be able to keep up with them…Eventually, we’ll have to move or they will enter into a phase of life that she can not…” Padme’s voice trailed off as she considered the eventual reality.

“But she knows this.” Anakin butted in hoping to save the conversation from becoming sad again. “She was around way before she joined our pack….She’s had connections with people that she’s had to let go of and she knows what to expect…. it's a fact that every werewolf comes to terms with.”  

Ben looked at the couple. “Sometimes I forget that she survived 40 years on her own…without us…at times she just…looks so young and helpless….”

As if being summoned by magic, Ahsoka’s tiny indigo-blue Toyota Corolla pulled into the driveway.

One perk of having a mechanic in the family was that Anakin was able to fix any car that was needed or wanted. While the car may not be the newest or the prettiest and they could definitely afford better, Ahsoka had fallen in love with the color and spunk of the little car, which she ended up demanding that her older “brother” turn it into a reliable car.

Stepping out into the warm summer air, she took off the cap that had the coffee house logo on it. Her blue and white blond striped hair shimmered in the moonlight. She looked at them skeptically. “What are you all doing out here? Or are you waiting for something to fall out of the sky?... Which you don’t have to cuz, here I am.” She said with a wide grin.

Anakin smiled and gave her a small wave. “No, we’ve been sitting out here a while despite having heard your car about a mile down the road…I know the way that engine purs anywhere.”

“Ugh, weirdo.” Ahsoka teased as she walked up to the steps of the house.

Looking at the towel in Ben’s now scabbed hands, she became suspicious of why they were really sitting out there. “You okay? You were brooding pretty badly about 45 mins ago..”

Ben threw his head back frustratedly. “Not you too,” he mumbled grumpily.

Shifting her backpack and putting a hand on her hip she gave him a full wave of hr “tude” as Anakin called it. “...Hey, it’s cuz we care….You were the only alpha I agreed to join up with after decades of being a lone wolf, remember that.”  Ahsoka crossed her arms. “...Lots of macho creeps had tried to get me into their packs, but I choose you three misfits.”

“That’s cuz you love us.” Padme beamed from below.

“Wholeheartedly.” Ahoksa winked at her.

Turning back to Ben again, she addressed him. “If this is about Emma, you already know how I feel. I am all for it…I really like her and I’ve gotten to know her in the almost two years she’s consistently been coming by the cafe… she is a good soul….”

“Which exactly is the problem.” Ben rasped, to everyone’s collected groans of frustration.

“Oh please Ben, if she wasn’t you wouldn’t be interested. You’ve never even considered anyone else but Sophie…yes, I know…you were “engaged” to her all those years ago, I think you are overdue for something good..…and Emma has dated her fair share of losers, she is overdue for something good as well…” Ahsoka snapped... “I don’t know…,” she threw her hands in the air, “do what you want, but I’d like to see the two of you make each other happy.”

She leaned forward and grabbed his shoulders, looking her alpha in the eye. “The girl quotes Sherlock Holmes readily and owns a bookshop….what more of a green light do you need?”

If Ben was a different type of alpha, Ahsoka’s actions could have had a very different effect and result on the situation…it could have been seen as a challenge or an act of aggression….but Ben wasn’t “that alpha” ….or that type of man.

In fact, it made everyone giggle, even him.  

Stepping away from him, she rolled her eyes.

“I’m going to bed, work starts early tomorrow….don’t brood too loudly or please shield your thoughts…Oh, better yet, here's a wild idea….  JUST GO CALL HER.”

“Good night Ahsoka.” Ben drolled.

She shook her head as she maneuvered the steps in between everyone.

“Oh!” She turned around as she reached the door,, “I almost forgot…my friend Hera is having a sleepover Sat. night with some of the girls from the school, can I go?”

“Do you need to ask?” Ben turned to look at her, sporting an amused expression.

Ahsoka blushed. “Not really, no...but…I like to…it just…feels right when I dot.”

Everyone smiled softly. She may be 83 years old in actuality, but there was a part of her that would always be the 17-year-old girl she looked like…..it also meant that after all these years, the lone wolf was starting to enjoy her pack bonds.

“I have no objections,” Anakin whispered.

“Just promise to be safe and keep your phone with you.” Padme pointed her finger at her.

“I promise.” Ahsoka blurted out as her eyes darted to Ben, who as alpha really had the final say.

“Who else is going?” He questioned.

He already knew his answer, but he just wanted some details…sneaky dad-type stuff.

“These two other girls from 4th-period math last year…Sabine, and Bariss….they’re really nice actually… it’s refreshing for people from this generation…”

Ben nodded his head slowly. “Will her parents be home?”

Ahsoka’s eyebrow arched. “....Yes they will, her dad is kinda strict in fact….but I can promise you, no matter the level of harmless mischief we get up to…I am in no danger whatsoever…Trust me, this isn’t that sort of group.”

This was true…if anything, Ahsoka was a danger to all of them. But he knew her and trusted the level of control she had over her wolf…he just liked to make sure she was safe.

Softening his expression, he smiled a toothless smile, his lips pressed together.

“I’m okay with you going as well….Just remember to at least text us before you go to bed so we know everything is all well and good… the sleepover will be taking place the day after tomorrow and the moon will still be relatively full…”

Ashoka squealed before Ben could finish. She leaped forward and hugged him from behind. “Thanks dad! I promise I will.”

Darting into the house and running up the stairs, she hadn’t even fully closed the door behind her. Ben blushed at the term of endearment as he shifted on the steps.

He would never be her father, but it wouldn’t stop him from looking at her like his daughter.

Nodding towards the open door, Ben eyed Padme and Anakin. “See…perfect example, Ahsoka at a sleepover…There was a time when we couldn’t get her to even talk to the other students at lunch…let alone sleep over at their house.”

Anakin surrendered in defeat and got up to go into the house without saying anything. He had enough of trying to persuade Ben for one evening.

Padme scooted closer to her alpha. “I understand, and I agree…I am just as thrilled as you are to see it…but all that means is that everyone is finally secure. Anakin and I are always going to be okay so long as we have each other…Ahsoka is blossoming…so that now means you are the only one left to finally become settled…you have to take care of yourself every now and then…”

She leaned in and kissed the top of his head. “Just be patient with yourself and be open…give her a text and then actually give her a chance…even if you go slow and become friends first, a special friend is a nice thing to have if that's all it ends up being.”

Knowing that Padmes’s words were true in the sense that she believed them and meant them only in goodwill, he decided to put the topic away for the evening, as he knew they weren’t going to reach a unanimous consensus, at least not tonight. For the time being, they would all silently have to agree to disagree.

He smiled. “Ture…thank you, darling, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Don’t stay out here too long.” She muttered as she went inside and closed the door gently behind her.

Ben snorted a short laugh. This is the one place that would be quiet if he stayed home tonight. Ahsoka was most likely either watching tv or listening to music before she went to sleep…and Padme and Anakin were…well… he knew their nighttime routine before they went to bed.

The joys of supernatural hearing and a small house.

If he stayed outside he would be able to actually think, and he certainly had been given a lot to think about.

He debated changing forms and going for a run to clear his mind….but he knew it would only cause him to dwell further…

Maybe his pack mates had been right.

- - - - - - - - - -

Ben plopped down on his bed, staring at the snow-colored ceiling. Having given up and tired of fighting his restless energy, the nighttime jog he went for around the neighborhood in human form had been what he needed.

He had been agonizing and going back and forth over this decision with himself since everyone had retired for the evening. After coming back, he showered and retreated to the solidarity of his room.

It was 9:00 PM…he knew he needed to do this before it became any later and he appeared rude or awkward.

And waiting till tomorrow wasn’t an option.

He’d be tossing and turning throughout the night, restless as all hell if he put it off any more than he already had… and he had a long day of research ahead of him tomorrow at work.

Picking up his phone, he opened the texting app and choose the correct contact.

The blinking cursor taunted him as it was impatiently blinking, waiting for him to type what he wanted it to say.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he knew it was now it never….he had come to the conclusion that until he just did it and took the leap of faith, he wouldn’t know how it all go.

“What if?” would haunt him. That if he didn’t do it and never found out what could have been between them….then that would really add to his continuous self-loathing and guilt…and drive his curiosity absolutely crazy.

What he had told Anakin was true, he had felt engaged to Sophie long before he bought the ring… in his mind, he had been Shopie’s future husband and she had been his future wife since he started seriously courting her.

That’s how it was back then….You only made serious advances at people you intended to marry.

Even back then when the gesture of a fan or an invitation for a dance meant so much more, Ben wasn’t the type to string girls along or court just to give society something to gossip about….He had believed all the hubbub that had been drilled into him as a child, that marriage was permanent and very serious.

But that had been in the 1870s-80s…..The rules of courtship and dating changed so drastically since then, and he had paid so little attention to that scene after he changed.

Sometimes if he wondered if he could even do it, date like a modern man?

He had 130-ish years to think about something that left him hollow and broken on the inside. How different things were then compared to now…what his romance was like…

But did he really know Shopie…beyond the ideals of a Victorian courtship that is? Did he know her the way couples knew each other today when they got engaged?

No, he didn’t.

He and Sophie had never even been alone longer than 5 minutes without either of their siblings or parents present, or some other third party….he only knew about the person she presented herself to be in public….Not that he imagined the real Sophie was much different…..

As children they had spent more time together in closer contact…it was until they became older that society's rules and expectations for their friendship “changed”....but did that mean she did? The little girl he knew was kind, intelligent, and loved to laugh…the young woman had seemed to be all those things but so much more….reserved.

Being a historian had given him the opportunity and excuse to study the world in which he had grown up in through the eyes of history. From a civilization that advanced and moved on in every way…and he was further in a unique position….he had his own memories that he could compare against books, records, personal accounts….

What had seemed like a rational dating practice in 1885 now seemed obscured….people back then were flying on a wing and a prayer compared to couples today, who were allowed to be themselves….

He had spent 130 years thinking about this, more than any human could have spent.

9:05 P.M.

Now even the clock was taunting him.

Everyone was right….

He had reasoned with himself to the point of madness, this choice was never going to get any easier to make… it was simply now or never…do or do not….

he knew what he needed to….what he wanted to do.

@nanagoswife @transcending-time @sillynilly27 @thewhitedannimal @kirstenvldfan21 @the-clones-and-me @hugmekenobi​ @naughtyry​ @nicole-lightfoot​ @janebby​

[13uswntimagines]

Yeah I would love that tbh :)

I found out yesterday that to do the internship I’m required to take for my bachelors that would line up with the observation hours I need for PT school I’d have to change my concentration and basically re-do my jr year bc while our core classes overlap for my major none of the concentration specific classes do. And I’m already in the process of re taking one class and I’ll have to re take another. So I was looking into alternate programs I could do with the classes I’ve already taken bc I’m struggling so much rn and with my pre-reqs for PT. I found that there was a new AT grad program but I’d have to stick it out here for however long it takes me to get my BA or I could go back to juco and do a PTA program where almost all my credits will transfer so it’ll just be what classes I have left in that 2 year program. I just feel like while yes that’s probably the smartest thing to do considering how much I’ve been struggling with my upper level classes (which admittedly are very hard at my uni according to who I’ve spoken with) that I’m just failing myself and disappointing my family for backing out of what I’ve already dedicated 3 years too.

Damn… that’s a very difficult situation. I know things look bad now, but I promise that it’ll get better eventually. Everything gets worked out in the end, and I have faith that you’ll do what’s right for you.

To cheer you up, please enjoy 627 words from the center of a fic with zero context.

*****

“Do I have something on my face?” She asked toward no one in particular as she pulled off her boots and socks. “Or are we starting a new trend where we stare as people undress,”

“Kelley’s right,” Sofia said, her voice breaking through the murmurs spreading around the locker room. “You’re fuck-“

“No,” Emily interrupted the young defender, with a small shake of her head, looking more tired than Lindsey had ever seen her. “Y/n doesn’t want us to fight,”

“Let her finish Em,” Lindsey spat back, annoyed even if she didn’t really have a right to be. Even if she was in the wrong. Being angry was easier than facing the truth. “Get it off your chest. What is Kelley right about?”

“That it would feel more fair if you pretended to give a fuck,” Emily said softly before Sofia could answer, and Emily saw recognition in the other defenders eyes.

It was the least inflammatory thing Kelley had said. The only thing that didn’t indicate malicious intent in Lindsey’s actions. The only thing that was true that hopefully wouldn’t cause Lindsey to dig her heels in more.

They weren’t sure how much more digging you could take.

“I do give a fuck,” Lindsey hissed, accentuating the irritation she felt at the jab.

Sofia scoffed. “Yes, because kissing your boyfriend just feet from the edge of the tunnel you knew your soulmate was going to walk down is totally giving a fuck,”

Lindsey finally looked up at the young defender, meeting her burning glare.

Her lip curled at the implication. “That wasn’t planned,”

“And you were trying your hardest to stop it weren’t you?” Sofia bit back sarcastically, ignoring Emily’s hand on her arm. The warning to slow down. “That’s why you were pulling him closer to you instead of pushing him away,”

Lindsey's eyebrows furrowed. She hadn’t been expecting the venom in those words. The disdain. Maybe from Kelley, or even Alex, Tobin and Christen, sure. She expected the vets to be upset, because they understood the history she had with you.

She never expected someone new to the team to butt into an already complicated situation. One they clearly didn’t understand.

“What the fuck is your problem,” Lindsey bit back, squinting at the defender. “I don’t know why you think you have the right to comment-“

“Because no one else will,” Sofia growled. “We’re watching Y/n destroy herself and no one will say anything because she cares too much about you to let us. Someone needs to care about her, and it certainly isn’t you,”

“Soph,” Emily attempted to interrupt her, to cut off the building anger crackling off of Lindsey’s form, and to stop Sofia from saying something that you didn’t want Lindsey to know.

“No. Don’t Soph me. She needs to know!” The defender bellowed, her chest heaving as she finally ripped her eyes away from Lindsey. “Fuck whatever conveluted chivalrous act Y/n wants to pretend she’s comitting. You’ve seen the-“

“That’s enough.” Emily snapped, authority filling her voice, silencing Huerta before she could finish her sentence.

Huerta met her eyes, and an unspoken conversation passed between them.

Lindsey’s eyes widened at the sentence. What had Emily seen that she hadn’t. She knew you were in pain, that was obvious, but was there something that she wasn’t seeing?

She needed to know.

“No, let her continue since she thinks she’s knows Y/n so well,” Lindsey said, purposefully raising her eyebrow. Trying to get a reaction. “it’s been what 2 months since you’ve met her?”

Emily’s blue eyes darted back to her. “Enough,” The defender said, gesturing for Sofia towards the bathroom. “Go take your shower. Vlatko wants you for media,”

Sofia frowned. “But,”

Emily shook her head. “Go,”