#but fact that love and friendship always prevail just gets me

[heroinetales]

The Sailor Moon Crystal series has finally come to an end after 10 years and I'm bummed about it. I've loved Sailor Moon since I was 5 and it's been near and dear to me for a long time (for 26 years!). It was the first piece of media to show me the importance love and friendship and that it matters. I've carried those lessons with me to this very day

So thank you Sailor Moon for everything and for Naoko Takeuchi for creating this wonderful series

[ladykailitha]

Paper Hearts Part 8

Here we go! The end! This is not the last foray into this little 'verse however! There will be a sequel called Sweet Surrender. It will chronicle their first date, their first time (so it will be mature), and senior prom. Look for that starting next week.

Still not sure about WIP Wednesday tomorrow, but I'll keep you posted.

Steve gets to see one of the recipients of his pinks hearts, Eddie spirals a bit, and true love prevails. As it should.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

****

Steve was finally able to witness one of his anonymous hearts being received on Tuesday. Last week all the hearts had been shoved into people’s lockers, accidentally following the lead of Steve’s admirers. He strongly suspected Chrissy was the reason for that.

But in the three days leading up to Valentine’s day, the hearts were being passed out in classes. Something teachers strongly objected to but students loved.

He was in his geometry class, trying not scratch out his own eyeballs from the sheer monotony of all the numbers starting to blur together, when Chrissy and another junior cheerleader came into the class, but as it was merely quiet student time and that he wasn’t actively teaching, there was nothing the teacher could do but silently stew.

They started listing off the names of the students who had gotten pink hearts alphabetically. Steve wasn’t surprised when he got a small stack again. Most of them were from Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam. The first name was weird, but others seemed fairly normal. And of course, one from Kas.

He looked around and saw that some kids were snickering because they were getting to the later half of the alphabet and Joni Quincy. She was little fatter then her classmates but in no way overweight. But that didn’t stop people from mocking her. The fact that she braces didn’t help either.

“Joni Quincy!” Chrissy said, clearly.

The class got so quiet you could hear her sharp gasp.

“Are you sure it’s for me?” she asked shyly, like she was expecting to be pranked or tricked.

Chrissy shook her bright ponytail. She came over to the girl’s desk and handed her the heart. It was only the one, but Steve could tell it made all the difference. She smiled brightly and laughed.

“That’s sweet!” Nicole said over her shoulder. “Anonymous. But it’s still cool someone thought of you.”

The rest of the class went well until afterwards when one of the members of the football team grabbed out of her hand.

“You shouldn’t send notes yourself,” he sneered, holding it above her head so she couldn’t get back.

“I didn’t!” she cried.

Steve stood up and swiped it out of the dude’s hand. “Leave her alone. The point of the friendship hearts are for stuff like this. Knock it off.” He turned and glared at the teacher.

The teacher stared back at Steve for a moment and then sighed.

“Mr. Olsen, please refrain harassing your fellow students.”

The kid just shrugged and stormed out of the class. Steve handed it back to her.

“It is a sweet message,” he said with a smile.

-Joni

Braces may suck right now,

But the smile you’ll get in end

Will be worth it, so don’t hide your smile

A Former Braces Wearer

She returned his smile widely, showing off the braces. “It is. It was nice to get a heart.”

Steve just nodded and then gathered up his stuff to go. He could feel the warm glow in his chest expand as he watched her talk with one of the other girls in the class about the heart.

It felt good.

****

All week long, Eddie watched Steve get the pink hearts and brighten every time. They had a couple of classes together and he always lit up when the hearts arrived.

Sometimes, he would catch him looking disappointed, but by the end of the day that kilowatt smile would be back on.

He couldn’t figure out the cause. There never seemed to be a rhyme or reason for the change in mood.

So he asked one of the Hellfire Club members that had classes with Steve to see if she noticed a difference.

“Maybe it’s your special hearts,” she said with a grin.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not. Come on, at least take this seriously. Oh! Maybe he’s getting them from Nancy!”

“Why would he even want pink hearts from her?”Janice said cocking her head the side in confusion. “Like he was madly in love with the girl and it’s pretty damn clear that whatever went on that week in November, it really crushed the guy. I’d think he’d be disappointed getting one from her rather than not getting one from her until it appears later in the day.”

He frowned. But that had to be it. There was no way that Steve was interested in his hearts. Maybe he just liked the color change and that’s what it was. Because there was no way he was interested in the heart giver unless he thought that it was a girl’s name. Kas could be short for Kassie after all.

Janice grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “You are spiraling and it’s a little freaky, stop.”

Eddie head snapped, he had forgotten she was even there. He turned on his most charming smile. “You’re talking to the head freak, baby. Can’t get freakier than me.”

She rolled her eyes, not charmed in the slightest. “I know what you are, Edward Munson. Don’t you forget it.”

He kissed her cheek. “Never.”

As he walked off, a locker slammed and Janice jumped. She turned around to see Steve Harrington standing up from his locker.

He hadn’t been there when Eddie came up to her, she knew for a fact. Eddie wasn’t stupid enough to talk about someone when they were literally feet away. So he must have come later. Which meant the question was ‘how much did he hear?’

She really hoped the answer was none of it.

****

Steve had to go out and get a different book for all the all the hearts he had received. He still kept the ones from ‘Kas’ in his wallet. Those were his favorite.

He never was good at hiding his emotions, despite what his father had tried to drill into him over and over again. So when he would get pink hearts every period, he would be disappointed when the Kas hearts weren’t there.

Which was rude. He enjoyed all the hearts he got. He loved every little silly message, even from the ones Dustin said were clearly from a metal band.

He had fun taking the hearts with names he knew weren’t in the year book to Dustin, because he would explain the reference to him.

By Wednesday night, Steve had added three more Kas hearts to his wallet. All sweeter than the last.

He knew he was developing a crush on whoever this was.

Then Dustin finally figured it out the day before Valentine’s day.

“It’s probably a dude,” Dustin said with a grimace.

Steve tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Dustin got out a large hard back book and flipped through it. He stopped on a page about half way through and handed it to him.

Steve sat on the kid’s bed with a thump. He must have read a dozen times before he looked up at him.

“But they’re friendship hearts,” he said. “Why would it matter if it’s a guy or not?”

Dustin sat on the bed next time him and gently took the book back. “Because you’re acting like you do when you have a crush.”

Steve blinked at him a moment. He frowned in thought. “You think so?”

He nodded.

“Oh.”

He thought about all the times he wished it was Eddie who was Kas and then it hit him. He wanted it to be Eddie, not because he had a crush on Kas, but because he had a crush on Eddie.

“And if I said I didn’t mind it?” he asked softly. “That it might be a boy?”

“Are you gay?” Dustin asked, rearing his head back in confusion.

Steve shook his head. “Both. I like both.”

Dustin frowned appreciatively. “Okay then.”

“Okay?” Steve wasn’t sure he was hearing this. He had always imagined that there would be more screaming involved.

“Okay,” he repeated. “You have a big heart, it makes sense that you’d like both.”

Steve gave him the biggest hug. “Thanks, Dusty.”

“Oh!” he said, pulling away after a moment. “I found out about that Dorks and Dweebs club you were talking about!”

Dustin glared at him. “It stands for Dungeons and Dragons. Something I’ve told you over and over again.”

Steve ruffled Dustin’s hair. “The club is called The Hellfire Club and they do accept freshmen.”

“They named themselves after that club in The X-men?” Dustin squealed. “That’s so cool.”

Steve blinked for a moment. Yeah, that made more sense then a bunch of high schoolers naming their club after a Satanic and gay club from the 1800s. Hey, he read. He had found a book on history of clubs in England at the local library, and thought they meant soccer. They had not.

Dustin bombarded him with questions about the club and Steve answered him the best he could. After all the kid figured out his Kas so it was the least he could for him.

****

Valentine’s came and Steve was the recipient of three red hearts. But as he searched through the pink hearts there was no Kas. The end of school came and he still hadn’t looked at the red hearts yet.

Eddie came up to his locker as he was shoving his books into it. “Hey, Stevie, why the long face?”

Steve sighed and closed the locker, turning around to sit on the floor. “I’ve been getting these pink hearts from a specific person all week and all last week and I didn’t get one today. So I guess I’m a little bummed by it.”

Eddie dropped his bag and sat down next to Steve. He drew his knees up and draped his arms over them, linking his thumbs together.

“Maybe they sent a red heart instead?” he said, bumping their shoulders together.

Steve shrugged. “They’ve been all pink hearts up until now, so...”

“What makes this one so special then?”

“I have a friend that is really big into D&D,” Steve murmured.

Eddie gasped and held his hands to his chest. “You, Steven Harrington, has friend who like’s D&D?”

“He’s more like a little brother to me,” he explained with a shrug, “he’ll start high school next year. But anyways, he’s been telling me all the references from pink hearts from the ones that wanted to be anonymous.”

“And there’s a D&D reference in there?” Eddie asked, looking over at him. He knew there was, but maybe Steve had been getting hearts from someone else in Hellfire or another secret D&D nerd he knew nothing about.

Steve nodded and pulled out his wallet. “It’s the same person that left the hearts on my door over the weekend.” He pulled out all ten hearts to Eddie’s awe.

“You kept all of them?” he whispered as he gently took them from him. Eddie fanned them out like a deck of cards and then tilted his head. “They’re out of order.”

Steve frowned as he watched Eddie successfully put them in order and a pattern emerged. The colors had shifted darker and darker with each day. Until the one he got yesterday was a really dark pink.

He looked down at the red hearts that he had set on the floor to pull out his wallet. He picked them up only to be snatched from by Eddie.

“Nicole Hawkins?” he said dismissively and tossed it over his shoulder. “She’s too boring.”

Steve huffed out a laugh.

“Lindsey Addams?” he said with a snort, tossing it after Nicole’s red heart. “Has a boyfriend and is only looking for someone she can use to make him jealous.”

Steve smiled. That one he knew. He was down on all the gossip, he just didn’t know Eddie was too.

He handed the final red heart to Steve and smiled. “There you go.”

Steve took the heart and his smile matched Eddie’s when it showed it was from Kas.

“You know,” he said softly. “I wanted them to be from you. He told me about Kas the Betrayer and how whoever was sending them was probably a guy. But I wanted them to be from you since I told you my secret.”

Eddie gulped. He hadn’t been expecting that. He had been shoring himself up that Steve would think it was a girl and he would walk away with a broken heart when he found out it wasn’t. But staring at this gentle boy with a big heart who just wanted to do something nice for the girls that wouldn’t get even so much as a single pink heart, he knew. He knew that there would be no walking away for either of them.

“They’re from me,” he admitted. “I fell so hard for you, Stevie. And I hoped that by gradually changing the colors of the hearts you see that I was gearing up to tell you I loved you.”

Steve blushed and ducked his head. “Sorry I missed that.”

Eddie bumped their shoulders together again. “It’s all right, I got to see the cutest pout when you thought I hadn’t given you a heart today.”

“You’ll let me make it up to you?” Steve asked, raising his head.

“Take me out on a date and shower me with that patented Harrington charm,” Eddie said with a grin. “And we’ll call it even.”

Steve laughed. “Looks like I have plans for Valentine’s day after all.”

Eddie stood up and held his hand out to him. Steve took it and Eddie helped him to his feet.

“Sure do, big boy,” he said with a grin.

Steve laughed and let Eddie lead him out to the parking lot. It was nearly empty but that was perfect.

Eddie walked Steve to his car.

“I’ll pick you up at five, okay?” Steve whispered.

Eddie pursed his lips and nodded. He walked away, but as Steve got his in car, Eddie suddenly leapt into the air and whooped!

Steve shook his head and smiled fondly. He had started the month feeling sorry for himself and now he had a date with a sweet boy on Valentine’s day.

Life was already looking up.

****

Tag List:

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @spectrum-spectre

2- @slv-333 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson

3- @messrs-weasley @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv

4- @wonderland-girl143-blog @vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @fullpoetrybread

7- @disrespectedgoatman @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @moonshadows-13

8- @skyewaytohell @swimmingbirdrunningrock @croatoan-like-its-hot @lolawonsstuff @lololol-1234

9- @dotdot-wierdlife @ravenfrog @dauntlessdiva @thelittleclare @steddieyourself

10- @dam28lh

[collisvng]

BIOLUMINESCENCE.

1.9k words and a whole lot of fluff.

Inspired by this song. Reminded me of the aquatic ambiance at an aquarium.

You always wanted to see the lights on Christmas.

But not the kind of lights one would expect.

Ever since a new exhibit opened up at the aquarium, it was all you could think about.

Lucky for you, your best friend Bangchan just so happened to be free this holiday.

It was a last-second decision.

Your family couldn’t make the trip down this year and you didn’t want to go alone.

It was a traditional sort of thing; you’d go to the aquarium and at the end, your mother would get you whatever plush you wanted from any of the gift shops.

You’d always leave with some sort of deep sea creature plush—mostly jellyfish.

Which was ironic considering there weren’t many jellyfish at the aquarium for most of your youth.

Chan once asked you why you had so many jelly plushies when he stopped by your apartment once and you went on a full-on explanation on the different species each one was.

Bangchan never stopped you or tried to sway the conversation.

He would just sit there and smile and ask questions when he wanted to.

He never made it seem like you were annoying him or that he was disinterested—quite the contrary actually.

If anything, he found the way you celebrated the holiday to be quite charming.

For him, Christmas was always seen as a couples holiday. He always seemed to prefer to spend it with his family in the end, but there were a few times he would try to go out on dates. He admired you having a tradition that brought you so close to the people you loved, all while it pertained to a special interest of yours.

Which is why when you heard a new deep-sea exhibit would be opening up at the aquarium on Christmas Eve, you knew exactly who to ask to hang with so you wouldn’t have to go alone.

And lucky for you, Bangchan didn’t have a Christmas date this year.

At first you were scared of it being weird between you two. I mean, friendship dates were common amongst you both but for some reason because it was Christmas it felt different. There was also the undeniable truth of your feelings for him that you so desperately hid and would never admit to him.

What if you would make things awkward?

But when he showed up at your door with his little Santa hat on and the brightest smile that almost reached his eyes—holding out a reindeer antler headband for you to wear and giggling…

Your worries seemed to melt away.

… Just kidding, he was so cute you wanted to combust right there.

BUT ANYWAYS—

You were the one to drive you both to the aquarium.

(I mean of course; Christopher, the passenger princess prevails.)

And the entire way from the parking lot to the aquarium mans kept singing the baby shark song for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

He kept going until you guys made it inside, following the crowd of people flowing into the main hall.

A sigh of relief would escape your lips when he finally stopped, and he would just smile at the satisfaction of properly annoying you.

Little did he know that you found his irksome behavior endearing.

And little did you know, he found the tiny roll of your eyes to be adorable.

You traveled around the aquarium for god knows how long, explaining to Chan different facts about different sea creatures. It was dark, and calming, and the music that played throughout the whole building was strangely cathartic.

He would make some dad jokes here and there, getting a slight chuckle out of you (which he was very proud of). And every once in a while he would make some comment about you leading him through each exhibit. When you turned to him and asked what he meant, he smiled.

“You’re like my little reindeer guiding me through the night,” he laughed as he flicked the headband you were wearing. “Lead the way little Rudolph!”

When you reached the jellyfish, Bangchan was so enamored with how you lit up. With each random factoid, an answer of his questions, and the way you would eagerly push forward through the crowd to show him the next set of jellyfish—he seemed to fall deeper and deeper. 

You were so cute and excited; it was so different then just you explaining things to him while hanging out in your bedroom.

And when you stood in front of the Moon jellies—your favorite jellyfish, he remembered—he just watched you. Your eyes were so lost in the beauty of the jellies, but his eyes were so lost in the beauty of you.

When you turned and caught him staring, he could feel himself blushing. Thank goodness it was too dark for you to see. You just assumed he was getting tired and was starting to zone out.

“Come on sleepy head,” you said as you grabbed ahold of his arm once again. “We have one last exhibit and it’ll be the end”

The only thing is, he really didn’t want it to end.

And in all honesty, neither did you.

When you guys finally got to the new deep sea exhibit, your eyes illuminated. The room was completely dark, but the tanks were lit and filled with the most beautiful creatures you had ever seen.

Bangchan walked over to one of the tall, thin tanks and cocked his head to the side.

“What’s this one?”

“They’re called Comb jellies,” you explained. “They have this thing in their genes that produce photoproteins which makes them glow.”

“I think these are my favorite,” he grinned. “The little vibrations and stuff… it’s so cute.”

You both were standing on opposite sides of the tank, giving you a full view of Chan through the glass as he intensely stared at one of the jellies, observing how their cilia moved and reflected light.

He looked so focused and amazed. And the way he squinted and slightly puckered his lips while trying to get a better look absolutely made your heart explode.

When he caught heed of you observing him, he decided to make a silly face to catch you off-guard. 

And as you covered your smile and looked away, Bangchan noticed a blue light flash behind you.

He grabbed your hand and led you to a black wall. It was dark, it was in a small corner, and it was so secluded that there weren't many people in the same area. You were standing there in the center of an unlit room, holding Banchan’s hand as he swore up and down he saw something there.

And just as you were about to pull him away to keep going through the exhibit… It finally happened.

A light. A small dot. A glowing blue speck appeared on the screen.

Then suddenly, one speck turned into another… and another… and another… Until there was an array of blue scattered dots lighting up the screen, sparkling in the darkness.

Then they vanished again.

Bangchan let out a slight huff in disbelief while you remained in your spot in silence just staring ahead.

When the little dots reappeared, they weren’t just scattered sparkles this time though; they were creating shapes. Creating different types of jellyfish.

The small, blue lights began to gather into small clumps until there were what felt like a million little Beaded comb jellies sparkling and covering the once pitch-dark room. They appeared one by one until the darkness was filled with the twinkle of the formations.

Then they would be gone again.

When the formations dissipated, the blue dots began flying around like little fireflies until a group of them clustered together in a different spot to form a new type of jellyfish before dissipating again. 

The jellies would be created, then vanish, leaving the glowing blue dots to scatter; floating to a new part of the wall to do the same thing but create something different.

You and Chan stood there for god knows how long, losing track of time. 

Hand in hand, completely mesmerized. 

Eventually, Bangchan zoned out so much that it felt as if no one else existed.

The other exhibits, the other people in the room, the sound of people talking and kids screaming—they had all vanished in his eyes. 

There was no screen. Nothing was 2D. There was only you, him, and blue lights that almost seemed to be floating around the room at this point. It was like a movie in his head, where the lights just simply swirled around the both of you like little fairies only bringing you closer and closer together.

It wasn’t until some of the little blue lights changed colors did you finally let go of Chan’s hand.

In the sea of blue sparkles, a few gold ones appeared and formed a Moon jellyfish.

A breath hitched in your throat as you walked up to it in the darkness. It swam for a second or two, and as your hand instinctively reached out to touch it, the creature turned into dispersed sparkles.

You smiled in that moment. It was like that moment was meant to happen. That was something that happened for you and only for you. 

Bangchan thought the same thing, but he couldn’t comprehend words. He was just staring at you with admiration in his eyes. The sparkle in your eyes when you saw the jellyfish appear. How you seemed so entranced it was like you were being drawn forward. The cute little laugh you let out when you almost touched the formation before it disappeared…

…And when you turned to smile at him, he couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t explain the feeling. It was more than a friendly feeling. More than a simple feeling any basic human could have. He knew it was some form of love. But how can one properly describe an ethereal kind of love?

He didn’t know.

So instead he just shyly smiled back.

That night when you drove Chan home, he was more silent than usual. It worried you, so you made it a point to walk him to his front door in order to have an excuse for some small talk.

When you asked him if he was feeling okay, he immediately pulled you into a hug.

You were confused but didn’t question anything. You just closed your eyes and just enjoyed being enveloped in his arms. His jacket was warm, he lightly smelled of cologne, and you could feel his heart beating a mile a minute.

“Thank you for asking me to come with you today,” he whispered.

Bangchan pulled back from the hug enough to give you a quick kiss on the forehead before pulling you back in once again. It caught you by surprise, and you could feel Chan breathing even harder now.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get a plushie this year,” he sighed. “I meant to buy you one since you told me that’s what your parents do. But I got a little distracted.”

The grin on your face and the tears starting to form in your eyes were all hidden as your face was buried into Chan’s chest. But your sudden choked sob that escaped your lips as you let out a slight laugh was enough for him to notice.

“It’s okay,” you mumbled against him. “For some reason, I feel like I got a better gift this year.”

Chan smiled. You were right about that, actually. You just didn’t know.

Bangchan realized he was in love with you. And that would eventually go on to be one the best gifts you could have ever gotten.

[syrupsyche]

I've started and erased this post many times; this chapter always gets me so worked up and I can't find the words to express all my thoughts. But I will try:

Enjolras' friendships

The chapter begins with just how much Enjolras has been affected by the people around him, the same way he will affect the people he is with now with his words. Combeferre had him "[undergo] a certain polarization from [his] ideas", allowing him to "[emerge] from the narrow form of dogma" and accept "the transformation of the great French Republic, into the immense human republic".

Later on, Enjolras himself calls out his admiration for Feuilly and how he "clearly behold the future", "[adopting] humanity for your mother and right for your father". All this serves to remind us that even when one is the leader, they are not exempted from learning from others and becoming a better person and/or leader because of it. To quote our favourite internet quote: to love is to be changed. Enjolras' friendship with and understanding of his men allows him to be a great leader, a better person, and shows us how such a community can benefit from learning and serving each other.

Mythological references

Enjolras' metaphor of defeating the "triple Chimæra of antiquity" is interesting! He harkens the locomotive to the hydra (thus conquering travelling over water) and the hot air balloon to the griffin (thus conquering travelling by air). I didn't know the hot air balloon was already invented by this time and from my two minutes of research, apparently the first flight of the hot air balloon was demonstrated in front of Louis XVI and his family at Versailles, which I like to think as connecting the 'defeat' of the hot air balloon with the fall of the monarchy.

He equates the next step of grasping fire as a Promethean task, which is very apt considering how Prometheus was the one who stole fire from the gods to give to mankind! Just like him, the people too will be able to steal power from the kings. Overall I love his use of mythological references, I had not known he was this knowledgeable in them (though I suppose Greek and Roman mythology were still quite popular with the Romantics, right?).

The Twentieth Century Will Be Happy

Second highest contender for possible tattoos I want to get. For the modern reader it's easy to read this pessimistically and with irony; the 20th century, after all, consisted of two world wars and countless other tragedies. Even the 21st century isn't any better. However, I interpret this quote as not the twentieth century in particular (or even the 21st or 22nd or so on). Similar to "Love, the future is thine", Enjolras is addressing the future far out of reach (it's still 1832 after all, no one is likely to see or even begin to imagine what the 20th century will be like), and believing that that future, however far it may be and despite the fact that they will not be able to see it, will bring about peace, harmony, and happiness.

However what makes this quote so tragic for me isn't the fact that it was "false" (as I've mentioned above); it's the fact that I don't personally believe that true world peace and happiness would ever happen, 22nd century or otherwise. Humankind will always disagree with one another, and disagreements amongst those in power will always lead to fallout that hurts the vulnerable the most. It would be narrow-minded to think that everything can be perfect, for that invites the danger of presumption. No century can ever truly be happy.

But, but that also means that people will always be there to fix what's wrong and to speak up for what's right. When injustice occurs, the people will quell it. When those in need of help call, the people will answer. Human suffering may be eternal, but so is the human spirit. The twentieth century may not have been happy, but the people still prevailed, and I strongly believe that we will continue to prevail for centuries to come.

[chayannecraft]

So for your qsmp botw au are there any differences between Chayanne and Pomme's dynamic vs Link and Zelda's???

Like do they get along, or does Pomme initially hate Chayanne for following her around and trying to protect her all the time?

i love them sm i just want to hear about them lol

Holds your shoulders. Hello OP thank you SO SO SO much for asking about botw au I literally would do anything for you!! Unfortunately tumblr deleted the seven paragraphs and counting answer I had to this so pain is real and agony is real BUT I WILL PREVAIL REGARDLESS. I SWEAR. THEY WILL NOT STOP ME FROM TALKING ABOUT MINI CODEBREAKERS BUT ALSO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE ASK <333 I will talk about them always oh my god I’m always geared to I love them so much too. My kids. They make me cry

Clears my throat! Ok ok ok. You’re right though!! Pomme initially does not, like, absolutely despise Chayanne but there is some strong envy and maybe even hate in there. For a lot of reasons: Chayanne is assigned her personal knight AND the chosen hero despite the fact that she can beat his ass in a fight. His appearance with The Master Sword also gave the kingdoms a lot of hope that she couldn’t, since she was struggling to unlock her powers. There were so many eyes on her, digging into her back, depending on her, she couldn’t help but wish it was her as the chosen hero instead. It would’ve made everything so much easier.

But like Zelda and Link, they do eventually start to bond and a friendship starts building between the two. Nothing romantic, for obvious reasons, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important!!! They start connecting and confiding in each other, and more importantly, believing in each other. They give each other hope. Maybe they won’t fail. Maybe destiny is right, and they’ll win, and then after they can go anywhere in the world. Chayanne can bring her to the Antarctic Empire and show her everything the way she’s shown him!!

Of course, you know what happens <— says me being dramatic as I crumple to the floor in absolute pain crying. By the way do you ever think about Pomme unlocking her powers because Chayanne is about to die, will die. Do you think about her clinging to his injured body knowing he’s past the point of waking up. Do you. Can anybody hear me. Is this thing on (crying)

After BOTW is done, they’re both just so. God. Ough. They both cling to each other and the guilt of what they’ve failed to do haunts them in every moment they will ever live. In a way only the other is going to ever understand. Their nightmares are mirrors of each other, their failures each others as much as theirs. Destiny has brought them the same pain. But the other is alive and they hold the other so hard their nails bite into skin, they both shadow each other. They’re alive together, and haunted.

They’re very much fighting to protect the other, arms and legs clashing as they try to push the other behind them to protect them. They learn to fight together and cover each others weaknesses and become an absolutely terrifying force to be reckonened with. People are convinced it’s part of the triforce.

They can probably read the other better than themselves, maybe even KNOW each other better than each other. They have a category 5 moment if the other ever gets missing or is gone. But in the end they’re both also just kids. Heroes, Legends even!!! The Hero and The Goddess!! But still just kids. Kids finally learning how to live, not worrying if they have seen the other for the last time. Soulmates who have been denied peace again and again, who are starting to fight back and claw it forward together, just for the other. Just so they can be happy.

[bettsfic]

so i watched a movie called Half Nelson last night, for which Ryan Gosling was nominated for an Oscar in 2006. it's about a middle school teacher struggling with a drug addiction who forms a deeply inappropriate relationship friendship with one of his students after she catches him using.

i have no pertinent craft thoughts about this film (you can read my Ryan Gosling Summer craft essays in this month's newsletter) but my notes for this particular movie became as unhinged as the movie itself, and i thought i'd share them.

because my handwriting is mostly illegible, i've provided a translation and context below each note.

Jesse Pinkman vibes

Calculator watch!

Dan (Gosling) is basically a proto Jesse Pinkman in this movie. and he wears a calculator watch. it's worth noting that during the sex scene later, there is an inordinate amount of attention placed on said watch, and i honestly can't tell if that's supposed to be funny or not.

Gets high, goes to a bar, starts lecturing girls about pedagogy

this is the only part of the movie where i liked Dan, because i too lecture on pedagogy when i'm high.

Broken Social Scene ass soundtrack

just found out that Broken Social Scene did in fact score the film.

"I cleaned up," he says before railing a line of cocaine

no context needed.

"Are you a communist?"

"It's just not cool to be a Nazi anymore, baby."

HE IS GRINDING AGAINST HER AT A DANCE?

I trust Anthony Mackie way more than this fucker

Bloody nose in class

Dead cat?

This is so hard to watch.

i don't know how to provide context for this. i had such profound secondhand embarrassment that i could barely keep watching. the succession of events goes something like: Dan has sex with a woman who asks him the next morning if he's a communist. they have a conversation about politics. we skip to a middle school dance/mixer where Dan dances very inappropriately with the 13 year old he's "befriended," Drey. by this point the movie makes it very clear that their relationship is inappropriate. Dan gets high behind the school building and offers to give Drey a ride home, but she goes with Frank (Anthony Mackie) who is a drug dealer but a way better guy than Dan, even though he's trying to get her to sell drugs for him. Frank is trying to save Drey from Dan; Dan is trying to save Drey from Frank. the next day, Dan gets a nosebleed in class and later comes home to find his cat dead? for some reason? i don't know. it's all so painful.

[a graph of Ryan Gosling's characters, with bad to good as the X-axis and likable to unlikable as the Y-axis. Dan Dunne, the character in this movie, is in the "good, unlikable" quadrant.]

to pass the time i created this handy little chart, which puts Ken (Barbie) and Lars (Lars and the Real Girl) in the likable/good quadrant, with K (Blade Runner 2049) and Noah (The Notebook) slightly below them, Sierra Six (The Gray Man) and Dean (Blue Valentine) in the likable/bad quadrant, Jacob Palmer (Crazy Stupid Love) in the bad/unlikable quadrant (sorry i know i have followers who love this movie but womanizing just really pisses me off, even though he does grow as a character by the end), and Dan Dunne (Half Nelson) in the good/unlikable quadrant, even though i kind of changed my mind by the end of the movie.

i forgot Handsome Luke (Place Beyond the Pines) and the driver (Drive), but i think they'd both be close to the center but in the bad/likable quadrant.

For all this movie's faults, burnout drug addict middle school teacher Ryan Gosling pouring an entire pot of coffee into a thermos is a LOOK.

this scene had very little context and i have none to add.

[Ryan Gosling movie] checklist

shirtless

mommy issues

misunderstood loner

falls for cute blonde girl (CBG)

good guy made to do bad things

inappropriate relationship

still bored, i made a checklist. Ryan Gosling's characters are always at least three of these, with "shirtless" and "mommy issues" prevailing. also "cute blonde girl" isn't a description as much as a flat character type that fascinates me.

HE BUYS FROM HER WTF WTF WTF

okay during what i found to be a both boring and torturous film, a scene happens that made me go "oh, i get why he was nominated for an Oscar for this." Frank has gotten Drey to start selling for him, and she goes to a motel to drop off, where she finds two sex workers, some random guy, and her history teacher, Dan. this is the third time she's caught him using but he's always kind of guilty and apologetic about it, and my interpretation is that a lot of their "friendship" has to do with him trying to earn back her admiration. but this time, he's on the bathroom floor and he just gives her this look, the patented Ryan Gosling "i'm in love with you" look which is probably why he's the romantic lead in so many things, and hands her a wad of cash. and it's so wildly fucked up to see that look used in this context, weaponized, because it's not to her, it's to the baggie she's holding.

the whole movie is very much a critical commentary on white savior narratives. i have no idea if it's a successful commentary, or even if it's a good movie, but i can safely say i've never seen anything like it. i don't think it's aged well, overall i don't think it's Gosling's best performance even though many people believe it is, and i absolutely don't recommend it.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I like the First Flush Malleus interaction. Tbh when you start out with so much hope and narration about that giddiness when you think your feelings are reciprocated, it’s already a huuuuge red flag for angst to come lmao 😂

The best part about this is you don’t follow a typical happily ever after. Responsibilities are not always just chains, they are necessary most of the time and Malleus definitely knows this. Any Disney movie would have the protagonists change the society’s rules for their own goals, which isn’t wrong (in like movies like Aladdin), but Malleus is definitely a prince who would prioritize his duties and his people, and even if he hates the loneliness, he’ll still go through with it. I like how you stay true to his character with this interaction 👍🏻

[Referencing this imagine!]

A basic rule of writing, in my eyes 😌 “Build something up before you tear it down!”

When I got the prompt “desire to deeply understand”, I knew that I wanted to do something different. I think the immediate idea that comes to a lot of people’s minds is a scenario where the reader is charmed by Malleus’s mysteriousness and seeks to get to know him better. However, since I don’t particularly find that concept interesting (especially as it already echoes the friendship of Yuu and Malleus in the main story, so it has already been “done” and would feel superfluous to repeat), I wanted to tackle the prompt using a different approach.

I want to preface the rest of this post by saying there is nothing wrong with enjoying shipping Malleus with anyone, whether that be a canon character, an OC, a Yuusona, a self-insert, what have you. From hereon out, I am only speaking about TWST canon, and my own analysis of Malleus’s character, and my personal writing style. These all play into my hardships with writing Malleus in a romantic light, and I want to share those thoughts, as they do play into my commentary of the imagine being referenced.

Truthfully, it can be challenging for me to write Malleus in romantic scenarios because it requires a lot of suspension of disbelief on my part. I try to incorporate in-game lore into my writing when I can to help me stay in character, and Malleus’s unique circumstances clash with what I am sometimes asked to write.

He has been shown to consistently put his country over himself, his loneliness, and his personal gripes with others. Malleus is well aware of what his duties are as crown prince and that he needs to behave a certain way as a representative of the Briar Valley. I would definitely believe that this mindset would extend to matters of romance and intimate feelings; I think he would make it of secondary importance, with his kingdom taking priority. More specifically, in Ghost Marriage, it is pointed out a few times that Malleus can’t just propose to any random person (even if it is to save someone else, and even if the Ghost Bride herself is already a princess). It seems that status alone is not enough for Malleus to just... casually court someone in canon (and I would imagine status is just the bare minimum requirement for someone as important as he is). This is why Sebek ends up being sent to propose to Eliza in his place. In fact, a huge part of Malleus’s character overall is that he has restricted liberties (such as not even being able to take a night time stroll without his guards becoming worried for his safety) and cannot act as he truly pleases—but in spite of this, he still makes the conscious decisions to do what is best for his people and to avoid conflict with sovereigns of other nations. It is what he must do for the greater good, and he is willing to sacrifice his own feelings to achieve it.

I think that most Disney properties (especially the older ones) definitely use the “is royalty, must marry royalty” thing as a convenient plot line to later be overturned so true love can prevail (see: Aladdin) or to have the perfect happily ever after between a traditional prince and princess (see: most other Disney princess films). They never get into the politics or the consequences of a royal marrying a commoner, or a royal marrying some random royal they met in a few days’ time, it’s just hand waved away and accepted as “the norm”. Love and happy endings are prioritized. Because of this, I feel like most people have similar or the same expectations of Twisted Wonderland nobility, by association as a Disney property. However, I find it interesting that being in a position of power is actually taken far more seriously in TWST, often playing into character traumas and backstories which deeply affect who characters are and what they act like in present day. Malleus in particular is written with many restrictions in mind, and not purely for the sake of cartoonish comedy (ie Cinderella being made to walk with books on her head to learn how to be “elegant” like a princess). It’s clear that he has grown up in isolation and was raised to rule, that he is grossly cognizant of his duties and how they take precedence over all else in his life... and that is, in of itself, a double-edged sword which he willingly takes in the spirit of self-sacrifice and as the future leader of his country. This even plays into the main story, and how he keeps his identity from Yuu because he finds it refreshing that someone doesn’t know who he is. He can just be himself, if only for a few seconds—but ultimately, he is still crown prince with responsibilities and a reputation to uphold, and he needs to adhere to those. Malleus doesn’t act overly friendly with Yuu; he remains calm and composed (for example, not really reacting to being invited to VDC until he is in private) and keeps his interactions curt and professional (refer to the holiday card he sent; it’s very much short and to the point). There’s a little mischief here and there, maybe the occasional snarky comment toward his peers, but still within “safe bounds” that wouldn’t cause any major conflicts with others. All of that is to say that even in spending time with someone that allows him to be “himself”, Malleus still holds himself to certain standards due to his upbringing and his status. People are looking for him to lead, and he knows he cannot fail them. That’s a lot of weight on his shoulders, and he carries it with grace. It’s a contrast to the usual Disney formula, with more of an emphasis on realistic consequences and placing personal obligations over feelings.

In knowing all of that, it becomes hard for me to write “x Malleus” requests because my mind keeps cycling back to the reminder that, in all likelihood, the romantic partner I’m writing for is a fellow student and a commoner, which, again, according to canon, isn’t a freedom Malleus is granted as crown prince. I can usually manage to overlook these things by just picturing the reader inserts I write for as someone who is already Malleus’s betrothed and someone qualified to rule beside him. I’m glad that I was able to write at least this one piece which somewhat addresses the dissonance between canon lore and common fandom sentiments or expectations. It can be a really hard balance to strike as a content creator.

[liketheinferno2]

Coming out of Endwalker like... so many thoughts I am not quite ready to organise without looking back, but I think I have figured out why a lot of people see Stormblood as the odd egg out in this story. It's not the pacing, and it's not that the characters are as unbearable as a lot of people make them out to be either, it's just a step backwards thematically. It backs off from the personal emotional stuff and is a big wide plot thing, and it makes sense that it would be, considering a lot of it was apparently plotted out before even Heavensward and still running on ARR logic. But there's this long running thing in this game that was always better expressed through figurative feelsy stuff where the pain is grand and unreal, sometimes literally inconceivably great the way big numbers don't compute in the human brain. Stuff that is tethered closer to emotions than physical events and gets as close to the characters as possible. Write what you know but not with actual events I guess?

FFXIV at its brightest is about grief, depression, denial and escapism and how you have to move past all of that to make your life worth living -- For those we have lost, for those we can yet save -- but more than that, how this is only really possible through new and surviving bonds. You can't save everyone and you can't get those people back. There's no way to rewind or undo the loss and trauma and the characters who cause themselves suffering are all either out for revenge, or reincarnation that they could never live to see, or more broadly they're looking for a meaning in life that has a finite end point. Estinien, G'raha are both extremely relevant additions to the cast for this reason, it's far more than just fan appeal. 1. Guy who lived to kill, not just for lost loved ones but a life he could have had; almost ends the life he has now if not for new love and friendship. 2. Guy who lived to die out of love, and when denied this had to come to terms with the fact that removing yourself from a loved one is not a kindness, and one person cannot be the beginning and end of where you find purpose. The amount of beloved characters who only enter the main cast proper after you stop them from offing themselves was never lost on me.

Anyway, if Heavensward was when this theming got LOUD and ANGRY, Shadowbringers is when it was cold and alone. I came out of Shadowbringers rattled, genuinely exhausted. Endwalker is not like that. It's the story not just for people in the abyss, but those of us who have climbed out again. A lot of people are Hermes in this story, but I'm a Venat type myself... and it's something you can only achieve after digging through the mud. Extremely rare to ever have a story like this written from that perspective. Once I realised what her white robes meant I changed mine. That's neither here nor there but Endwalker eases you in, stresses you out, hurts over and over but keeps giving you anchors to hold onto and relationships to push you forward, and up to the very last second it's harder and harder (for the characters at least,) but then the relief! Shadowbringers felt like washing up on the beach, Endwalker lets you down gently! God it's good.

I know what an actual character end feels like so I wasn't crying in that final area, I think my prevailing emotion was "I hate these nihilist cunts" "I hate that all this destruction was needless" "I hate this fucking crab bucket dimension" but in a completely positive way. It's that frustration I feel when someone refuses to accept that they have defined their own meaninglessness, it is not inherent and it is causing them all this unnecessary pain. This is the suicide expansion, that's just what it is. I had my doubts when that first came up in the patches but not once did it feel cheap, even when the game beats you over the head with it. The end reveal that "suffer with me" was never even supposed to be kindness, because of course it wasn't, of course there's rage and fear in that, Hermes said himself that killing something that wants to live is not beautiful.

And there's debate about whether the Ancients had an "actual utopia" or not -- A. Of course it was because Emmie said so, B. Of course it wasn't because Hermes and Meteion suffered -- but that's not even the right question to ask in my opinion. It was an actual utopia, caveat: in a piece of fiction written with the idea that utopia and perfection is unachievable and would destroy anyone who could reach it. It being actually genuinely all but free of pain for mankind is not a loss of a great society that could never be rebuilt, but a sort of literalised escapism, literalised denial, an unreachable world that people on real world (the sundered one, in-universe) can only wish or hope existed, if somehow we could ever be free of strife. You go to the Garden of Eden and it's a lab. It's heaven bro. It's heaven and you can't reach it through violence.

Ironically Zenos who was such a... ???? ... in Stormblood ended up being best adapted to the themes of Endwalker because here's 3. Guy searching eternally for what meaning he can find through violence, when actually hurt for the first time in his adult life finds it the closest thing to closeness he's yet felt. But instead of identifying that closeness as what he wants, blames it on the violence instead, literally chases you to the ends of the earth hoping you'll kill each other in some ultimate act of physicality and what is, to Zenos, love! The nearest thing to it. The harder he pushes this way the further he pushes any reasonable person away from reciprocating. He gets so close to realising what he's done wrong, not in his actions but in the meaning he has defined for himself. Alisaie gets closer than anyone to cracking him just by telling him he'll die hated and alone. And personally I do think the rescue button was made of his regret, some last second realisation that dying is not what he wanted, and more than that, he does not want the person who at least tried to give his life meaning to die too. Loving or hating this character are both completely reasonably strong reactions but he loves YOU, like it or not. That's kinda the point...

Terrified I'm gonna lose this post so I end it here. Endwalker was unmatched. Best Game.

[wherethehellismysupersuit]

EP - 12 review

Let me just say that at this point, 25 21 is just a series of memes of baek yijin looking shocked with his hand on his mouth lmaoo-

Am i late? i can’t tell. i was just impressed at heedo’s fluent french, just like yijin.

So. I may or may not have been guilty of the same reaction through this entire episode. 

Where do i even begin? The argument between heedo and her mum was realistic and hilarious af. one moment u guys are happily holding hands, the next u are bickering. it stayed true to their characters without being overly sappy.

Ji Seungwan is a freakin’ queen. I have never admired nor crushed on someone so hard before.( i lied. I’m crushing hard on all the characters in this series) I’m glad this ep gives her the spotlight she rightfully deserves.

Corporal punishment, although banned, still continues to prevail in a lot of countries. Idk about the western ones, but i can safely vouch for the asian ones. My blood was boiling the entire time i saw the teacher. The harsh reality is, not everyone is like Seungwan. Some people who are toppers, usually use their status as a way to get away with literally anything, all because of a set of numbers on their paper. That’s fucked up. The entire system of judging someone by numbers is fucked up imo, although we have no other choice.

Although i did feel like the scene between her and her mother was slightly unrealistic; cause if i did something like that my mom would’ve screamed at me, locked herself in a room, thought about it, grudgingly agreed, and then comfort me. i liked the fact that the mum didn’t just agree and tell her that her decision was brave like a game npc. Unfortunately, the real world is harsh, and you’re not always able to uphold your beliefs. Partly that’s why i admire seungwan- because i know i would’ve bent unlike her, who broke. her mom reading the teachers at Taeyang High to filth had me whooping at my screen. Like mother, like daughter.

The fencer Yeji struggling also got to me. The feeling when something u used to love, is now something you’ve grown tired of, is heartbreaking. imo, the coach was giving her an out; a chance to reevaluate her determination. Maybe i’m biased, cause i love coach yang.

yurim and heedo were peak besties. we love to see it.

yijin and heedo doing coupley things like making excuses to walk under an umbrella had me squealing and dying of cuteness. oh, if i knew what was yet to come.

Jiwoong and Seungwan have the most natural friendship i’ve seen in kdrama history. that easiness of confession, and the comfort in hanging out makes me wistful, ngl. Also, we get the male crying? and the female comforting? and it’s purely platonic? we love it. (although i would not be opposed to a friends since diapers -to- lovers trope if u know what i mean ;] )

And now the most important part. excuse my aggressiveness.

THE FUCKING KISS? IN A DIMLY LIT ROOM, SOFT TV BLARING IN THE BACKGROUND, THE ANTICIPATION IN HEEDO’S FACE AS SHE COUNTS DOWN THE SECONDS, YIJIN’S SUDDEN AWARENESS OF THE CLOSE PROXIMITY OH MY GOD I’M ACTUALLY DEAD-

And there’s that. I must say that the next preview makes me anxious. as it always does. and i have to wait a week for it. boo.

also, if i don’t post on the next weekends, please feel free to assume that my family has called the exorcist on the account of thinking that i am possessed due to the amount of unholy noises i make when watching this drama. i’m truly sad to think that this will soon end and then what am i supposed to do with my life?

stan seungwan’s perm.

signed, your resident psychoanalyser. 

[otptings]

Flowers

☽ Requested; Yes

☽ Idol; Jungwon

☽Word Count; 3.3k+

☽ Genre; Hanahaki (lots of mentions for it) Friends to Lovers, slight Angst

☽ Warnings; Self deprecating thoughts, mentions of hanahaki disease, slight blood, lots of cringe flower metaphors

☽ Synopsis; Date night has been a monthly tradition since before Jungwon debuted in Enhypen. This is your first day out in months with Jungwon, but somethings different about this one. Is it the fact that he's an idol now, and all of your activities happen in empty establishments that have been bought out by his management, or is it your newly returning feelings for Jungwon that threatened to choke you out, causing dark violet flowers to spew out of your mouth at every interaction with him?

☽ A/n; The zoo I am describing for this is the Honolulu Zoo because that is the last one that I've been to, so if some of the animals aren't in Seoul than I apologize for that. Hope you enjoy this and sorry for taking so long on this request I had so many ideas of how to pull off the dates

You trusted Jungwon. It came easily like breathing, only a natural side effect developed effortlessly over 5 years of friendship. Days spent laughing and telling jokes, venting to each other about worries and stresses, studying for hours the night before tests. With someone as generous, and lovable as him it was easy to trust him with your life. He has also used this to his advantage, convincing you to do questionable things with a flash of his dimples. Like now, allowing him to lead you down the streets of Seoul while blindfolded. Completely at his mercy.

"Are we close? My feet are starting to hurt. We've been walking for hours." You whined as Jungwon pulled you around another corner. You've lost your sense of direction 4 turns ago, and he seemed to keep on going. "Why couldn't your manager just drive us the whole way? You had to have him stop super far from wherever you're taking me?" Jungwon just let out a laugh and gently squeezed your wrist. . His hand surrounding your wrist was comforting and grounding, a reminder that you were safe with him.

"We're almost there I promise. And if I would've done that it wouldn't have been a surprise now would it." You humphed knowing that Jungwon was stubborn when it came to things like this.

"You always do this. It's not fair, your ideas are always so much fancier than mine." Jungwon let out another laugh, and you didn't have to see him to know his expression. Eyes probably scrunched up, his dimples greeting the world as he laughed at my pain.

"It's not my fault that I love you so much. Plus I always want to do something special with you." Confusion flooded your mind while your heart skipped multiple beats at his words.

In the same sense of truth, feelings were natural too. Flowering in your chest with every sweet action he did, never wanting a reward for it just doing them because that's the kind of person he is. Packing extra food in his lunch box knowing your tendency to forget your own. Cupping your cheeks while he wiped away your tears, listening to you rant about your sorrows or broken hearts. Pulling you close to his chest afterwards, massaging the back of your head knowing how bad your headaches get after crying. Arms wrapped securely around you as he whispered calming words into your ear, a sense of security and comfort blanketing you while listening to his heart beat. Every gentle, caring and loving action made the flowers grow.

When Jungwon told you about his plan to audition for Be-Lift one part of you was selfish. You wanted him to stay, turn down the biggest opportunity of his lifetime, continue being only your Jungwon. That part was tiny however; and you squashed down those bitter feelings. You were absolutely ecstatic for him, having been the one to even push him towards the auditions. Stayed up hours at night to watch him practice, seeing his confidence grow tremendously the weeks leading to that fateful day.

When he got accepted you both celebrated the great news. His parents held a dinner in his honor, and his family sat around the table, congratulating him and his accomplishment. At first you were happy for him, overflowing with joy that your best friend had passed the biggest audition of his life. But as the day got closer you had to hide your heart break, smiling despite the tears you shed at night. Knowing that he was going to leave you soon.

The night before he left for I-Land was the hardest one, cuddling into his side while you laid in his bed. The last time in a while you would be in his room like this, only the two of you and the quiet of the night. You didn't sleep the whole night, only savoring the feeling of Jungwon holding you tightly, the last night of him being yours. Your best friend. Your first love.

Your Jungwon.

For the first time in 5 years you were apart for longer than a couple weeks. During this time the flowers started to wilt. You were grateful, ecstatic. Of course you missed Jungwon terribly, tuning in every Friday to support him. Eyes watering every time you watched him perform , pride prevailing over any negative emotions you could have as he confidently took the stage. When it was revealed he had made the debut team you had wailed, preening at your best friend's accomplishment knowing that his hard work paid off.

When Jungwon came home to visit your feelings were gone. You didn't feel the twisting in your chest when you hugged him, tucking your face into the crook of his neck as you both cried. Pulling away to look him in the face your heart didn't flutter at his smile, you only relished in the feeling that your best friend was back.

You thought your feelings had wilted into piles of dust and blown away. Not having seen him for months of course that'd be normal. You had thought your feelings were gone for good when you started to see him more frequently and they still hadn't returned.

You were wrong.

"Are you okay bugs?" Snapping out of your daze you realized that Jungwon was standing directly in front of you, one hand cupping your face and concern in his eyes. You nodded your head, cursing yourself for being getting so distracted.

"I'm fine bunny." His eyes scanned your face once before he leaned back, letting his hand linger.

"You know I just worry about you sometimes." Dropping his hand to his side he turned dramatically, switching the topic and gesturing at the box office in front of us. His manager was there waiting for us, underneath the gigantic sign for the zoo. "But I knew that you missed the zoo since we haven't gone in a long time. So I actually convinced management to rent it out for us for 2 hours."

Practically leaping into his arms you wrapped your arms around his neck, a huge smile spreading across your face. "Thank you thank you thank you!" Pulling away you saw his facial expression mimicking yours, dimples proudly on display and bunny teeth prominent.

"Come on, let's go." You giggled as you grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the gate. After getting your wrist bands - just for the experience - you downloaded the digital map and headed into the zoo ecstatic for your day with Jungwon.

♤♠︎♤

"Come on bugs, just look at the snake." You shook your head vehemently, trying to yank your hand free. His fingers only tightened around you wrist as he attempted to convince you to look at the giant snake in the glass enclosure merely 3 feet away from where you stood.

"Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Jungwon." You whined out his name, refusing his outrageous request.

Snakes were definitely a no for you. Especially a boa constrictor that can grow up to 13 ft long. The one they held in the exhibit was only 5 ft, but it could always become bigger. What would even need to get that big? Any animal that needs to be 5+ ft is a menace to society, and only here for evil. You'd already catered to Jungwon enough in this godforsaken reptile and amphibian section. The frogs were cute, absolutely adorable with their big glassy eyes, hanging on to the glass. Lizards weren't a big deal either, some of them over 3 ft long, lazing about their enclosure, enjoying the surprisingly warm Seoul day.

"Isn't this supposed to be a special day for me? Why would you make me see a stupid snake? They don't even have arms, that's so weird and creepy." Jungwon let out a laugh before pulling you over to him, a squeal leaving your lips as your back met his chest, and his arms wrapped around you. At the slightest display of affection you stopped fighting him, feeling the vines squeezing around your heart painfully, before he started to walk forward and you remembered where you were. Fighting for your life.

You tried to plant your feet in the ground to prevent Jungwon from forcing you to see the snake, but he only lifted your feet from the ground as you cursed the stupid Be:Lift gyms. His manager stared in amusement from the corner, his phone out to record the two of you and undoubtably show it to the rest of the members.

Another loud squeal left your mouth as Jungwon brought you right in front of the glass enclosure, the snake was sitting in the corner but slowly started moving towards the two of you, as if you had fascinated it. You turned your head, placing it in the crook of Jungwon's neck as you squeezed your eyes tight. Ignoring the fear that coursed through your body knowing that the snake was only separated by a thin layer of plexiglass.

"Bugs just look." You only shook your head, "I promise the snake won't hurt you as long as I'm here okay? You know I'll always protect you." Jungwon's soft voice cut through the fear, and you sighed knowing that you were falling into another one of his traps. You turned your head while taking a deep breath before opening your eyes, being met with the face of the snake.

With Jungwon's constant flow of reassurance in your ear you took a good look at the snake. The snake was against the glass, falling back down before slithering up again. Its eyes were wide open and almost looked like doe eyes, black and glassy as it stared at you. The scales were a pretty pastel yellow, mixed with white, resembling a banana cow. You were so distracted admiring the snake that you both jumped when his manager suggested you should get along, and walk further into the park. You felt your heart clench painfully as Jungwon stepped away from you, a blush running up his neck and spreading over his cheeks as he quickly walked to the next exhibit not bothering to wait for you.

♤♠︎♤

"I think this is the best friend date we've ever had." Jungwon spoke happily as you two walked out of the zoo gift shop, a red fox panda stuffed animal tucked safely in your arms. His treat since he refused to let you pull out your wallet and purchase it for yourself. You chose to ignore the flutter of your heart and rush of heat at the thought of this being a true date, your mind decidedly ignoring the word 'friend'. Your cheeks ached as you smiled. They've started to hurt after the amount of time spent joking and laughing while visiting the animals.

"It was. I really appreciated it. I've missed you, it's been so long since we've been able to hang out like this." Jungwon nodded in agreement, an uncharacteristically shy smile spreading across your face.

"Come on. The nights still not over, I have one more surprise for you." Jungwon tossed his arm over your shoulder as he led you to the car, excitement and surprise as you thought about what he could potentially still have planned.

Being ever the gentleman he opened the door for you, waiting until you were safely inside to close it and join you. His manager turned on the radio as he drove you two to the next destination.

"Don't tell me we're going to have to walk again? My feet are still dying from the zoo." Jungwon let out a laugh as he grabbed your hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it as he intertwined your fingers.

"We won't have to walk too much I promise. Just sit back and relax, it shouldn't take too long to get there." You nodded your head before quickly looking out of the window, no longer able to ignore it.

The vines grew in your chest, clenching painfully around your heart, writhing and squeezing like a boa constrictor trying to capture its prey, crawling up your throat making you resist the urge to gag. Lungs filling with petals that swirled and fluttered around with every breath until there were too many, leaving no room to move around, just clumping together as breathes became sickly. Until you could no longer resist the urge to cough.

The sound of you hacking and gagging, the sight of a worried Jungwon when the first petal comes out. Dark violet petals fluttering out with every spasm of your lungs, some full flowers with stems still attacked, coated with a thin layer of maroon liquid, staining the pretty petals and tinging your pink sweater with spots of red, the bitter taste of the flowers mixing with copper. Your throat sore as the taste of bile rose alongside the rest of the petals, finally emptying your lungs. Filling the car until there was no room to hide from it, hide from your feelings. Hide from the predicament that you were in, feelings for you best friend, the rookie idol.

How could you be so stupid to believe that you could hide it? You were always so easily exposed to Jungwon. He knew you better than you knew yourself. What if he already knew and was just biding his time before he left you, the thought of your feelings disgusting him, being too much for him? He could surely find another best friend, one who wouldn't fall for him.

But could that ever happen? Someone not falling for him. It's easy to fall for his eyes, chocolate eyes that always saw right through you. That knew when you weren't feeling good and were trying to hide it. Dark unruly hair, never easily tamed but was so silky when you ran your fingers through it. Despite being called bunny he practically purred whenever you did it, causing your face to burn at the feelings that always resurfaced. Caring nature that assured he'd become the leader of his group, always wanting to care for everyone around him and make sure that they were happy.

You don't think it'd ever be possible for someone to not fall for him.

"Are you okay bugs?" You blinked realizing that the car door was open, Jungwon standing in front of you with the same concerned look that made you feel ashamed, and yet warmed.

Glancing around you realized you had imagined the coughing fit, drowning in the sea of your own emotions and being buried under a mountain of petals. It was all in your imagination, hanahaki didn't exist. How could it? If it existed you would surely be dead.

Shaking your head you waved off the question, unbuckling your seatbelt and quickly hoping out of the van.

"Of course. I'm perfectly fine, just feeling a little tired I guess. Must've gotten lost in my thoughts. Anyway, where are we?" Jungwon raised a brow at your rambling, knowing you only did it when you were nervous before choosing to ignore it and grabbing your hand again. You hoped he couldn't feel how sweaty your palms were, nerves taking over you at the realization your feelings and thoughts had run away from you again.

"Well I wanted to do something really special for you," You shook your head before cutting Jungwon off.

"The zoo was perfect Jungwon, you don't have to do anything else. Today was perfect already." Jungwon shushed you as he led you into the building, his manager staying behind. Leading you to the elevators he pressed a button before getting on, waiting for the doors to close behind the both of you before he continued to speak.

"You've supported me throughout this whole journey. Pushing me to audition when I was too nervous, and didn't think that I would make it. When I got accepted into I-Land you supported me even when I was leaving you in the middle of the school year, texted me every night to let me know that you were watching and were always rooting for me. Knowing how proud I was making you when the thought of me debuting wasn't official helped me work harder, and continue to push myself," He got cut off as the elevator dinged, signaling that you were at your floor. Jungwon pulled you off the elevator towards a set of stairs that led to a door labeled roof. Jungwon turned towards you, his face deathly serious causing you to get a lot nervous at the sudden sober move.

"Before we go out there I just wanted to tell you that I am grateful that you are in my life. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without you, constantly supporting me throughout everything. You are what has pushed me this far bugs, and I love you. You're my best friend and I owe you so much for constantly being there." You smiled, ignoring the pain in your chest. Of course he'd only think of you as his best friend, there's no way he'd see you as anything else.

"Of course Jungwon. You can't put it all on me, you worked hard to get to where you are. I'm proud of you because you constantly push yourself, not because you've been successful. You'll always be my Jungwon even if you wouldn't debuted with Enhypen, and I would've always been proud of you." Red dusted over Jungwon's cheeks as he smiled shyly, before opening the roof door and pushing you in front of him.

You were left speechless at the sight in front of you. Blankets laid out over the ground, picnic baskets placed in the middle to prevent the wind from blowing them away. Pastel pink flowers spread out being blown lightly by the wind but not leaving the roof. Fairy lights spread out emitting a soft golden glow barely recognizable under the setting sun. Clouds flitting over the pink, and orange sky. Adding on to the beautiful aesthetic of the set up.

What truly had your attention was the rest of his members standing around the blankets, signs being held out at arm's length. Their various expressions showed excitement, minus Niki who tried to look emotionally detached from the situation but was bouncing on his toes, practically jumping.

From tomorrow,

I'll protect you

All Day and Night

Now Lean on Me

Will you go out with me Bugs?

Hot tears pricked at your eyes, a thick lump in your throat growing. All of their expressions morphed into worry, Niki had even stopped bouncing on his toes, Heeseung glanced at Jungwon slight panic evident in his face. A loud sob left your mouth as you turned around and threw yourself onto Jungwon, tossing your arms around his neck. A nervous laugh left his mouth as he slid his around your waist, holding you almost protectively.

Jungwon pulled away from you, bringing his hands to cup your cheeks, attempting to wipe the river of tears away.

"These are happy tears right?" A weak smile spread across your lips, nodding slowly at him. Seeing his smile come back full force, dimples showing happily. Vines loosening around your heart for the first time in months, falling away as they disintegrated. Petals evaporating leaving behind only fresh air in your lungs, breathes flowing freely as you stared at Jungwon. Boba eyes staring back at you, only showing love. His thumbs stopped wiping as he leaned forward barely, glancing at your lips briefly.

"Can I kiss you?" You eagerly hummed, a soft yes being your answer.

Jungwon leaned forward, leaving space for you to back out if you were too overwhelmed. You met his lips, inciting cheers and groans from the members present, seeing their leader kissing his best friend. Your lips moved in sync, one more thing you guys did perfect together. You must admit, the taste of salt from your cheers, along with the dramatic cheers from his members did not make for the best first kiss experience. Especially for a first kiss that you had fantasized and imagined about for years.

Knowing that was only the first of many however, made it all the sweeter.

[earnestly-endlessly]

Hi! I'm wondering if you can make a list of fics where Erik's jewish heritage isn't ignored? I just came across the fact that a lot of authors don't explore this part of him for some reason and i found it kinda upsetting so i'm wondering if you have any recs! I liked "As They Kiss, Consume" and "Who Shall be King Hereafter" by sherwoodfox, in case anyone who's reading this ask is interested in the same topic.

Hi Anon. I'm sorry for taking so long with this list but your request sent me on a wide search for fics that fit with your request. I tried to find a variety of fics where Erik's Jewish heritage is addressed. Some of them aren't necessarily cherik, but most of them are. I hope you enjoy this list.

Mistletoe, Latkes, and Long-Term Revenge Strategies – pocky_slash

Summary: Charles knows that Erik hates working at a department store in the best of times. Being Jewish in a department store during the holiday season is far from the best of times. He does what he can to help.

A Nice Boy (the Family Matters Edition) – pocky_slash

Summary: Erik's not sure whether the problem is that he doesn't want his parents to meet Charles or that he doesn't want Charles to meet his parents. Either way, he never invites Charles to brunch. Why should he? It's not like they're dating.

A Road Trip to Pennsylvania – Aainiouu

Summary: For a year Charles has nurtured the biggest and most embarrassing crush known to man towards Erik. They are friends and roommates and when Erik asks Charles to accompany him to home on Thanksgiving of course Charles goes.

In the Bleak Midwinter – keire_ke

Summary: It is not easy to find out, well into the second decade of the twenty-first century, that your mother arranged a marriage for you. It is even less easy to convince her that you have no interest in the very fertile Magda, she of the wide hips and lustrous auburn hair. Fortunately, with a good friend at his side over the holiday weekend, Erik is sure he will prevail.

Speech Making – phalangine

Summary: Modern Emma AU- Charles Xavier, accomplished matchmaker and headmaster of North America’s preeminent school for mutants, intends to add another notch to his belt: setting up his friend Moira. His oldest friend, Erik, has doubts about this plan.

Charles doesn’t share them.

This is life (and everything’s all right) – pocky_slash

Summary: Edie Lehnsherr came into Charles' life long before he ever heard Erik Lehnsherr's name, and her death left a gaping hole in the lives of everyone in Charles' family. As the first Purim without her approaches, he begins to get creative in his efforts to bring everyone out of their grief. Kitchen creativity, however, is not quite his strength....

Bashert – AvengingAngel

Summary: Erik and Charles meet and fall in love. I wanted to write a story where Erik had a huge family. Pretty fluffy (for me anyways). I suck at summaries.

Note: The summary doesn’t reveal much but if you’re looking for a fic where Erik is jewish and has a large family with a heavy dose of cherik fluff and angst then this one is for you.

Math Reasons – pearl_o,  pocky_slash

Summary: "Mom says Erik always knows what he wants, it just sometimes takes him a little while to actually realize it," Ruth said.

Charles fell in love with Erik the first night they met, the first week of freshman year. Two years of friendship, adventures, arguments, hijinks, secrets, and summer visits later, Erik is starting to catch up.

Ser

It’s kind of our whole things – pearl_o, pocky_slash

Summary: After two years of best friendship, Charles and Erik thought they knew everything there was to know about each other. They're surprised, then, when their first summer as a couple reveals that they have a lot to learn about each other and themselves.

Sequel to Math Reasons

A Winter in New York – nextraordinaire

Summary: Charles and Erik have been childhood friends for as long as they can remember – Erik, living with his mother in Queens, and Charles in the big mansion in Westchester. For all, expect themselves, it was just natural progression that they'd end up together.

A series of ficlets from the same universe – can be read as separate and are out of chronological order.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside – heyjupiter

Summary: "It's just, this is my first Chanukah away from my parents. And it's--it's like 90 degrees out."

Erik Lehnsherr and Kitty Pryde celebrate a Genoshan Chanukah. It's a little different from the way it used to be in New York, but some unexpected visitors help them embrace the spirit of the holiday season.

Hold Back the Rain (front!strict mashup) – euphorbic

Summary: Charles Xavier: society darling, powerful political activist, well-known professor, and Dominant.

Erik Lehnsherr: anti-social, international motorcycle racer, and defiant submissive.

Erik is at Sepang in Malaysia for the fourteenth leg of the International World Championship. After doing poorly in qualifying, he's furious to find he has to take another VIP around the track instead of meeting Charles at the KL airport.

The Swan – waitfornight

Summary: In 1939 Erik and his sister Ruth are sent to Devonshire, England, during the Kindertransport refugee program to live with Kurt and Sharon Marko as foster children just before the start of World War II. Angry and wishing he could return home on the night of his seventeenth birthday, Erik meets a boy alone in the forest who is cursed to transform each day into a swan, only taking his true form by night.

Swan Lake AU.

The boy with the heart on his sleeve – euphorbic

Summary: Charles loses a high-stakes bet to Raven and is required to get a tattoo. However, when he makes a disparaging remark about the art form, Raven's acerbic mentor, Erik, steps in.

Or, the one where Erik and Raven are tattoo artists.

The Wurst Case Scenario – sareyen

Summary:If anyone asked why Charles, come rain, wind or shine, made the significant trek during his dismal lunch hour to dine at "Edie's Kosher Delicatessen", he would stubbornly say that it was because their pastrami on rye and potato knishes were absolutely to die for. He wasn't completely lying, because the deli's namesake, Edie Lehnsherr, made the best matzah ball soup Charles has ever had in his life. Still, Charles would rather shave his full head of hair off than admit that the real reason he would willingly walk through hail and fire to get to the corner deli was because of Erik, the insanely attractive man working the counter.

Sure, Erik has barely spoken two words to Charles other than "Hello, what can I get you?" or, after the third day in a row that Charles came to the deli, "Welcome back, what can I get you?", but Charles was more than happy to just ogle at the man from afar while devouring the juicy wurst Erik had put together with his (large and very capable) hands.

But, little does Charles know, Erik doesn't usually work the front counter. He only does it when he knows the cute blue-eyed man will be dining in.

This is life (and everything’s all right) – pocky_slash

Summary: Edie Lehnsherr came into Charles' life long before he ever heard Erik Lehnsherr's name, and her death left a gaping hole in the lives of everyone in Charles' family. As the first Purim without her approaches, he begins to get creative in his efforts to bring everyone out of their grief. Kitchen creativity, however, is not quite his strength....

c'est regarder ensemble dans la même direction – melonbutterfly

Summary: Since that day on the beach, Charles and Erik have learned to agree to disagree for the sake of living and working together. Then, for Christmas, and Charles gives Erik Hanukkah back a second time, and their relationship shifts a little further.

Terrible Hanukkah Sweaters and Other Life Challenges – professor

Summary: “Why am I here again?” Erik groans.

“I need you to lift things and glower at people over my shoulder when I tell people that it’s not ‘politically correct’ or a ‘war on Christmas’ to have a non-denominational winter holiday festival,” says Theresa Pryde.

Well, at least those are two things he’s good at.

Shrapnel – librata

Summary: It's late 1940, and tensions between the Axis and the Allies are tightening. Displaced and alone, 16-year-old German Jew Erik Lehnsherr finds himself employed as a servant by some snobby, terrible family in England whose house is far too big and whose money never seems to end. The worst part is, he isn't just mucking stables or cleaning plates–-he's tasked with tending to the whiny, disabled son named Charles, who might just drive Erik into absolute madness.

Or, the World War II fic in which Erik and Charles experience a changing world and a lot of teen angst.

Defying Expectations – Baamon5evr

Summary: Charles and Erik meet each other’s family. Neither of them gets what they expect.

table for three – pocky_slash

Summary: Erik should have known to call ahead to the Chinese restaurant--it's Christmas Eve and he lives in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood, after all. But before he can go home to mourn the loss of another one of his mother's yearly traditions, he's accosted by a teenage girl with a strange proposition--that he should stay and have dinner with her and her mother, instead.

different from all other nights – metonymy

Summary: "This year we are slaves; next year we will be free." Kitty and Erik host a seder for Passover at the Xavier School.

Libertad – ariadnes_string

Summary: Erik knew the look, had seen it his whole life, even before the war.  ”You, with your height and blue eyes and straight nose, you can pass. You can be free of us. You are not marked with your difference.” If you only knew, he’d thought then. He thought the same thing now. And it was that thought, as much as anything, that made him move towards the gate.

Wash Away – sebastian2017

Summary: One quiet, lonely morning, before Yom Kippur, Erik makes his way to the sea in search of forgiveness.

After? There is No ‘After’ – Unrepentant_Marvelist

Summary: Erik knows what he is for. He has known his responsibilities as a survivor since the moment he woke under a scratchy, lice-infested blanket in the Red Army hospital. His world is painted in lucid blacks and whites (so often splashed in red) and there is no room for uncertainty or indecision... until a certain sunburned Englishman throws himself into his world.

The Children of an Idle Brain – Margo_Kim

Summary: Sometimes, when he’s lucky, Schmidt can’t hurt him. It’s like there’s a room inside of Erik’s head that’s he’s usually locked out of, that won’t open no matter if he beats himself bloody against it. On those days, he endures. But sometimes—and Erik doesn’t know why, whether it’s that the stars align or some higher power takes pity or Erik screams loud enough to earn his reward—the door opens. Erik can duck inside and slam it behind him and watches himself through the windows as Schmidt slowly, methodically tortures him to strength.

These days, this past week, there’s a boy in the room with him and he tells Erik, “That’s horrible,” like that means something.

Somehow, across the world, Erik's and Charles' minds touch when they need each other most. They can't be sure that the other boy is real. They suspect that he is not. But that doesn't mean they aren't each other's lifeline until they lose each other and then for a while longer.

Tehillim – kvikindi

Summary: Erik, in Israel, afterwards: another life he could have had. If.

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) – childishinquiry

Summary: Erik has worn long sleeves his whole life, even before they had to wear yellow stars. Marching along his arm, in neat, black, English letters, are the words "My name's Charles Xavier."

Precious Few Years – sherwoodfox

Summary: Erik and Charles (known only to each other by the letters inscribed on their wrists) are meant to be together, soulmates, destined for the most powerful kind of love and connection a human being can experience.

But they are separated in almost every possible way- by distance, by circumstance, by language, by war. Their chances of success- of finding one another in the labyrinth of the world- are very slim. There is a reason why most people never find their soulmates.

But of course, Charles and Erik aren't ordinary children-

They have their gifts.

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: Anger Is A Gift

Author: Mark Oshiro

Genre: Fiction | Thriller | Drama | Friendship | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Racism | Major Character Death | Police Brutality

Overall Rating: 10/10

Personal Opinion: Adam Silvera said it best, this is “a beautiful and brutal debut.” It is a powerful look into the institutional racism of the police force and the constant battle between black & brown people and the police. Morris Jeffries Jr., better known as Moss, has lost people he loved. People he cared about to police brutality. And he is angry about it. He wants to use that anger to fight back in the only way he knows how. Protest. Follow this incredible, brave young man as he fights with everything he’s got. 

Do I Own This Book? Not yet but maybe one day.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- This book is so real. It’s not a great option for those that use fiction as an escape but it is so raw and authentic and it hits all the major points like a freight train. The inherent institutional racism among cops is just so awful. How they brutalize and abuse brown and black people and even kids! It was chilling and tense and had me on the edge of my seat because I just wanted a happy ending whilst knowing that that can’t happen in this book because it’s real life. People of African descent, Latinx, South Asian, and also middle easterners have a long history of suffering because of police brutality and it is awful. Lives are constantly lost. And yet, they never do anything. It’s always justified somehow in the media and they never take responsibility. They always try to spin it in a way to imply that the victim deserved it. Often bringing up citizenship status or prior conviction record or, I don’t know, “uncooperative behavior.” Moss’s dad didn’t hear the cops! He had on his headphones! But they shot him anyway with the justification that he should’ve raised his hands if he was innocent but he didn’t know! And the gall of those privileged fucks going up to a TEN YEAR OLD KID to tell him that his dad deserved to die makes me sick. It’s real and it’s wrong and the fact that this book was written before the George Floyd protests is honestly insane to me. This is a necessary book. Because I don’t doubt that there are a lot of people like Esperanza who do not understand. Who see the world as simply black and white. That justice prevails in the end. Because the truth is, I have seen a lot of people say that people deserved getting shot at. Deserved tear gas and rubber bullets and riot gear. It is awful. And the fact that it took the death of a white girl to enact change is too real. And to make it worse, it was Hayley who paid the price. She was sexually assaulted and the god forsaken police took the side of the perpetrator. She never got her justice. And she stood with Moss to protest. For Javier. She didn’t deserve to die. To be a martyr. Sharelle, Morris Jeffries Sr, Javier Perez, and Hayley Simpson should not have had to die for something to be done. 

- Moss has so many amazing friends. Rawiya, Kaisha, Reg, Bits, Njemile, even Esperanza in the beginning. In that first chapter, she was always there for Moss. When he was going through his panic attack, she stayed by his side and got him through it. She knew when he didn’t want to talk and knew when he did. But because she was adopted by white parents in a rich home, she didn’t really know what he went through. She never experienced all the fear directly, just by proximity. She took her life for granted and even said she wished she went to their school, not even knowing just how terrifying and dystopian it was. The worst of it was that it’s not dystopian. It is just our present-day reality. The rest of Moss’s friends are so good though. They have a lot of empathy and they tease him so lovingly. They, along with Shamika, Martin, Dawit, and everyone else in his large community are his family and I adore that. And I loved that he decided to take Eugenia into his family even though Javier was gone. No. Especially due to the fact that he was gone. She lost her only family. So he wanted to be there for her.

- Every character played such an integral role in telling this incredibly moving story. We’ve got Kaisha. This brilliant young woman who knows the entire online world like the back of her hand. Reg, who is disabled due to a car crash but he tries to be positive all the time. And the stupid magnet inside of the metal detector obliterated his hopes of walking again. Bits is a person of few words but they are the shoulder to cry on and they are loyal and kind. Even though they used to be in a gang. Njemile and Shawna are trans women. The former with two moms. And they just both radiate so much beauty along with their sass. Rawiya is punk rock and a Muslim and she is just a badass. And then there’s Javier’s friend Carlos. A small artist who made a mural of his best friend after he passed. An immortalized memorial of an incredibly loving soul. He was taken from the world too soon and he could’ve loved Moss. It hurts that Moss may never know.

- The moments of Moss’s grief and anxiety were relatable and tough to read. But also really necessary. When Javier had been shot, Moss had several moments where he thought he would appear. Alive. Waiting. He would leave his home and kiss Moss. When my grandpa passed, there were moments where I would stand at the top of the staircase, about to go to my bedroom, and I would think about the fact that he would be there. He would be in his room and he would wake up to use the bathroom and he’d ask me if I’d like some milk while I was on my laptop. But he was gone from my life. It’s honestly just so heart-wrenching. And this is a novel. It’s not even real. But I bet there are a lot of people who have experienced it.

- I get why this book wasn’t tagged with “romance.” Since Javier died halfway into the story. But he was there. He made an impact. Because the dates he went on with Moss, even if they were short and even mildly awkward, were so cute. They understood each other on an almost anatomic level. Even though they had met on the BART briefly, they had this real connection that they wanted to explore. They bared their souls even though they knew each other for only a week. They talked about the real shit going on in their lives and wanted to be as open as possible. It’s the kind of short-lived, fast-burning love that I want for myself. And Moss with all the items he had left of his first love, it honestly hurt. The comic, the bicycle chain, his backpack, the memories that they had. I want what they had but without the tragedy.

- Moss’s protest was brave and powerful and emotional and I respect the hell out of this amazing young man. Even if he’s fictional. I respect every single person out there fighting and I want to be the best possible ally for them.

Dislikes:

- This was in the positive section but it deserves to be here too. It’s too real. I often like reading for escapism. Living vicariously in the minds of others. So this was scary. It’s like a realistic horror novel. I enjoyed the ride but it just hurts. I’m still processing it. But the fact that Hull and Daley both reacted so horribly and violently is just so wrong. How can they just escalate things like that? If Hull had just let Shawna explain then she wouldn’t have had to be hurt. If that one white cop hadn’t forced Bits through the magnetic metal detector, the pins wouldn’t have shot out of his leg. If Daley hadn’t drawn his fucking gun on a bunch of high schoolers for “not respecting him” (a dude that is literally spraying them all with a sort of acid), then Javier would still be alive. But the police just continued on with their terrible behavior. Trying to resolve the issue of police brutality with even more brutality. They didn’t take any responsibility. They didn’t even apologize until after a white woman was killed. It makes me nauseous but it’s real. And it just sucks so much. I just kept on wishing for some deity to come down from the heavens to stop it all. But that won’t happen. But the ending still gave me chills. Moss only spoke to one reporter after the incident. Sophia Morales of NBC. A Latina woman.

“What do you think the Oakland Police Department should do next?”

No answer was sufficient enough because nothing they did “next” could ever bring back Javier or any other victim. So Moss’s only response was: “Stop killing us.” And I got chills. What an ending.

- Fuck Jacobs (performative ass bitch), Esperanza’s parents (ignorant whites), and those two idiots (just idiots) at the first rally. That is all I’ll say about them.

[flowercrown-bard]

Jaskier has a mission. Nay, an important goal in life. He is going to feel Geralt’s muscles if it is the last thing he’ll do. Surely, it can’t be that hard to accomplish this noblest of goals. He has charmed his way into many a bed before. How hard can it be to convince Geralt to let him touch him a little?

Turns out, it is very hard. Not necessarily the touching itself – Geralt enjoys a nice friendly massage from his friend that is completely on friendly terms, with nothing but friendship in mind – but how on earth is Jaskier supposed to hide the fact that he may or may not feel something other for Geralt?

Massages are great, but Jaskier’s fingers twitch to feel his muscles in action. And his supply of the chamomile oil he had bought in Novigrad is quickly running low and that stuff was expensive.

Jaskier needs a plan. Somehow he will find a way to feel Geralt’s muscles without revealing that he was a bit more than just friendly with Geralt.

--

“Listen, Geralt, you’ve got this.” Jaskier’s hands are clutched tightly around Geralt’s upper arms. “You are a witcher. A little feast like that is not going to intimidate you.”

Geralt’s eyebrows knit together. “Jaskier-“

“You just have to believe in yourself.” He gives the muscles a little squeeze and oh they are even harder than he had imagined.

“Jaskier,” Geralt growls again and naturally, Jaskier ignores him.

“You are already dressed up – rather nicely might I say. You’re welcome by the way for the clothes – you cannot run from this now.” He lets go of one arm and pats Geralt on the shoulders, sucking in a sharp breath. He definitely needs to find more excuses to touch those. “You just have to go in there and face those nobles like you would any other threat.”

“I have been ready to go in there for the past five minutes,” Geralt says with a roll of his eyes. He doesn’t shrug Jaskier’s hands off though. Jaskier counts that as a definite win. “You are the one delaying this. Are you nervous?”

Jaskier snorts. “Me? Absolutely not. I have been looking forward to performing here.”

Geralt’s lips twitches upwards a tiny bit. “Then why are you still out here giving me a motivational speech I don’t need?”

Jaskier’s mouth opens and closes, trying to find the right way of not saying Oh, you know, I just wanted to take the opportunity to feel those gorgeous muscles of yours.

Geralt thankfully misinterprets the embarrassed noises leaving his mouth. “So you are scared after all.”

“I, well, that’s…. true.”

“I’m not going to give you a motivational speech.” Geralt smirks, nodding his head in the direction of the hall, where people in fancy clothes are already waiting for music. “Come on then.”

Geralt makes to leave, when Jaskier calls out for him in once last-ditch attempt to be close to him for a little longer.

“It’s a formal event,” he blurts, mind racing with stupid ideas. “You are my plus one, so you’ll have to offer me your arm.”

Geralt raises an eyebrow, looking pointedly at the nobles, none of which are walking arm in arm. Still, Geralt holds out his arm for Jaskier to take. Jaskier takes the invitation with a grin and the feeling that the first step of his plan was a thorough success.

--

“Say, what do you think about expanding my performance a bit?” Jaskier asks and if his words are already a bit slurred from the alcohol, then there is no one around to judge. At least no one sober.

“Hmm?”

That is unfair. How is Jaskier supposed to know if Geralt’s speech is just as warped as his, when he doesn’t even open his mouth?

“You know,” Jaskier said. “Expanding.” He spreads his arms, accidentally hitting Geralt in the chest. Nice.

“How?”

Jaskier can see the instant regret in Geralt’s eyes, when Jaskier stands up on wobbly feet, doing his best to drag Geralt with him. It doesn’t work. Damn those muscles. But also, thank the gods for those muscles.

“With a performance.” He makes a grand gesture and if he has to hold on to Geralt for stability then who can fault him? “Do you want to see what I have in mind?”

“No –“

“Here’s my epic tale

Our champion prevailed!”

At the last words, Jaskier grabs Geralt’s forearm, exposed by the rolled up sleeves, and lifts the arm high in the air like he had seen the athletes in Oxenfurt do whenever they won something. It had always looked stupid, but now, feeling Geralt’s muscles tense under his fingers as he clenches his fist, he suddenly understands the appeal.

“Performance of the year,” Geralt says flatly, when Jaskier finally lets go of his arm.

“Thank you so much, dear. Your praise means a lot.” He winks at Great. “And since you are so taken with this performance, I have even more suggestions.”

Geralt groans.

“I have always thought that you should add a little choreography for He thrust every-“

Geralt gets up and turns to leave before Jaskier can finish the sentence. “That’s it, you’re too drunk.”

“Maybe so,” Jaskier says with a grin. “But you, my dear witcher are blushing.”

--

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jaskier says and moves around Geralt to stand in his way, hands on his hips.

“Going on a hunt.”

“Like that? Your armour is completely loose” Jaskier gestures to the armour that is very much not lose. In fact, it looks as perfect as ever. “You’ll have to tighten it or it’ll fall off mid fight. Here, I’ll just...“

„What are you doing?“ Geralt asks when Jaskier steps closer, but he doesn’t move back when Jaskier reaches for his shoulder pads.

“I’m tightening them.” Jaskier loosens them, only to tighten them again. The more time spend like this the better. “Making sure they won’t come loose.”

His hands trail over Geralt’s chest plate to his abs.

Geralt grunts. “I know how to put my armour on correctly.”

He still doesn’t push Jaskier away, but Jaskier can feel his eyes burning into him, as his hands linger on Geralt’s abdomen. He can’t really feel anything through the leather, but maybe if he presses against him for long enough, the abs might start imprinting on the armour. It’s a stupid though, but a man can dream.

--

“Jaskier, get up.”

Geralt nudges him and Jaskier forces himself not to react. This was a brilliant plan. Foolproof, even.

“Come on, you have to get to bed.”

Oh, yes. But Jaskier isn’t going to walk up the stairs of the inn himself. He does his best to imitate the deep breaths of sleep, his head resting on his arms on the table.

“Jaskier.”

He pretends to snore a little, just for good measure. Maybe Geralt will finally get the hint that he is supposed to carry him in his arms, because surely, he can’t be cruel enough to wake a sleeping man.

Geralt huffed. “Fine.”

Jaskier felt Geralt move up from the bench. Jaskier opens an eye a tiny bit, to see Geralt reach for him. Ha! Victory is his!

Geralt carefully lifts him up – and throws him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

If Jaskier wasn’t so hellbent on getting carried by Geralt, he would voice his indignation. How dare Geralt turn what could have been a wholesome and sexy experience into this! The audacity!

On the other hand, this might not be the most comfortable way to get carried up the stairs, but it certainly allowes a great view on Geralt’s lovely behind.

Once in their room, Geralt sets Jaskier down on the bed, steadying him with a hand to guide him down gently in a lying position.

Jaskier keeps his eyes tightly shut. This is going wonderfully! He can’t believe he actually managed to fool Geralt! Oh, he is absolutely going to pretend to be asleep more often.

Geralt lifts the blanked over him and Jaskier can feel him lean in closer, until his breath ghosts over the shell of his ear. Jaskier’s heart flutters.

“You know I can hear your heartbeat. It’s way too fast for you to be asleep.” Jaskier can practically hear the smirk in his voice, but he still refuses to open his eyes. Maybe, if he just keeps on pretending, he can save his dignity. “Also, you were giggling the whole way up the stairs.”

--

Jaskier watches the fight with held breath. He has seen Geralt fight humans and monsters before. But seeing him spar with another witcher is something entirely different. What would Jaskier give to still live in a time when fighters didn’t wear armour in their sparring but instead rubbed oil all over their muscles to make them gleam in the sunlight? Jaskier would gladly give the little he had left of his chamomile oil to see that. Well, maybe not in winter in the witchers’ keep where it took forever to get warm.

Geralt finally manages to get Eskel in a choke hold and Eskel surrenders.

“Since when is he such a show-off?”

Jaskier turns to Lambert, who is standing next to him with crossed arms and a mocking grin on his lips.

“What do you mean?”

Lambert snorts. “Nothing, songbird. Just that Geralt seems to care awfully lot about looking stronger than Eskel and me ever since you came here. It’s almost like that moron is showing off.”

A smirk spreads across Jaskier’s face. “Oh is that so?”

He turns back to Geralt, who is coincidentally looking in their direction with a scowl.

“Time to test your theory.” Jaskier winks at Lambert, before shouting in Geralt’s direction. “You think you’re so strong, don’t you?”

Lambert snickers and Eskel and Geralt only stare at him as though he just said the stupidest thing. Which he did.

“What?” Geralt says and his eyes dart between Lambert and Jaskier.

“I mean” Jaskier gesticulates helplessly at Geralt. “You have this strong man persona. But are you actually strong? I bet you couldn’t – just an example at the top of my head – pick me up.”

Jaskier holds his breath as Geralt walks closer. He is going to do it! He is going to lift Jaskier!

And he walks right past.

“Hey, what are you-“ Lambert’s protests are interrupted by Geralt lifting him up and throwing him into the snow.

He turns to Jaskier with a lifted eyebrow. “That strong enough for you?”

--

This is it. He can’t do this anymore. It has been a month since Jaskier ran out of chamomile oil and the massages just haven’t been the same since. They are still great, of course, but now he doesn’t have the excuse of “Oh, Geralt, we can’t stop just yet. The oil still has to… absorb into your skin” anymore. To be honest, Jaskier isn’t even sure if that’s a thing oil does, but Geralt doesn’t need to know that.

The point is that Jaskier is touch-starved.

He is getting desperate.

Maybe he could try to teach Geralt how to play the lute, if only so that he could stand behind him, lay his arms around Geralt’s body – if he could even reach that far – and guide his fingers while his chest presses against Geralt’s broad back.

A dreamy sigh escapes Jakier’s mouth, at the image. It hitches, when a terrifying thought pops into his head unbidden. Geralt would probably crush his precious lute with his huge muscles. As sexy, as that would undoubtedly look, Jaskier can’t lose his lute to his raging desire to touch Geralt. Jaskier is desperate, but not that desperate. Not yet.

However ...

“Hey,” he calls out to Geralt, who is sitting on a fallen tree, sharpening his sword. “Don’t you think it’s time I learn how to fight?”

Geralt stares at him blankly. “Since when do you want to fight?”

“Well, um, since, you know..” Jaskier stutters. “There are angry spouses and um.. monsters and...”

“And I always protect you from them, don’t I?” Something twitches in Geralt’s jaw.

“Well, yes, of course you do,” Jaskier says, scratching his head doing his best to come up with an excuse. “But when we part ways again…” he trails of. That is not the kind of thing he wants to think about right now. Or ever, really.

Geralt frowns and stopps working on his sword to look up at Jaskier instead. There is something hesitant in his eyes. “You want to leave?”

“No!” Jaskier says so quickly it might be considered embarrassing.

Geralt huffs and it sounds almost fond. “Then I guess there’s no need for you to learn just yet.”

“Are you saying you like having to save my pretty arse every other day?” Geralt resumes his work with a grunt. It is probably supposed to look dismissive, but Jaskier can’t help but feel like Geralt is trying to hide a blush behind the hair falling in front of his face. Jaskier leans forward a bit. “You do like it! Admit it, that’s the reason you don’t want to teach me.”

“Piss off, bard,” Geralt grumbles, but Jakier is now sure that the tips of Geralt’s ears are turning a lovely shade of pink. Interesting.

Jaskier might not have achieved his goal for the day, but he certainly isn’t complaining about this development.  A new plan is already forming in his mind. His most brilliant plan yet.

--

“I am begging you, Priscilla, you have to help me. This is a matter of life and death.”

The girls lifts an eyebrow. “Yes, it is. But not because you are going to get your heart broken, but because your bones will break if you jump out of that window.”

“That’s exactly the point,” Jaskier says, brimming with excitement. “Geralt won’t let that happen. I am sure of it. He said he likes protecting me!”

“Oh did he now?”

“Well…” Jaskier rubs his neck. “Not in so many words, but he implied it.”

“Uh-huh.” She crosses her arms.

“Please! Priscilla. Dearest. My best friend and sun of my life. The most talented performer I know. Except for me, of course.” Priscilla snorts at his words, but the grin says that he is well on his way to winning her over. “All of those years of you studying acting have led to this glorious moment. The most important performance of your life.”

“Flattery will not always work, you know?” She says, but sighs in defeat. “But fine. I will play along.”

Jaskier beams and hugs her close. She swats him away.

“Alright,” Jaskier says and rubs his hands together in excitement. “we don’t have time to rehearse. Just improvise. Geralt will be back from the market any moment.”

“What is he doing there anyway?”

Jaskier shrugs. “I don’t know. Buying something very important, apparently. He was quite adamant about going to the Novigrad market as soon as possible.”

Priscilla doesn’t answer, but her brows lift as she looks out of the window. “Is that him?”

Jaskier sprints over to her and his heart starts pounding. It’s now or never.

“I think I understand you now,” she says with an appreciative whistle. “Who wouldn’t jump out of a window for this man?”

She winks. And in the blink of an eye she is in character.

“Jaskier, you croaking pheasant!” she shrieks. “Get your sorry arse out of here!”

Jaskier inches closer to the window and looks down to see if Geralt was close enough to catch him yet. Not quite.

“There is a misunderstanding. I didn’t-“

“The only misunderstanding here is the size of your dick!” Jaskier gapes. Priscilla’s eyes twinkle. She is having far too much fun with this.

“Now, there’s no reason to –“

“Tell that to someone else!”

Another look down. Geralt is still standing a few feet away from where he would land, but he was looking up at him. This is it. Jaskier sends one last look at Priscilla who is grinning at him, before he jumps.

The air rushes past him, ruffling his hair.

And then he is caught, strong arms wrapping around him as Geralt finally holds him bridal style. Jaskier can finally feel the strength of those biceps. He finally knows what it feels like to be pressed against that chest.

“I did it! I actually did it!”

The euphoria rushing through him vanishes as soon as he meets Geralt’s eyes. He freezes.

“Oh Fuck.”

From up above he can hear Priscilla snicker and what sounds like a smack against a forehead. But all he can focus on is Geralt.

“I swear I did not mean to say that.”

Geralt’s mouth twitches. “I gathered that much.”

Jaskier’s heart skips a beat. It doesn’t sound like Geralt is angry. At least a small mercy. Now he is only left with the embarrassment of having to explain himself. All while still being held in Geralt’s arms. This is not how he had planned this.

“I…” he sighs. Even as a master poet, there is no way he can find a believable excuse for this. He closes his eyes. “This is going to sound stupid. But I may or may not have wanted to be carried by you like this for a long time.” See, that wasn’t so bad. Now all he has to do is shut up. “Actually, I just really wanted to feel your muscles and this seemed like the best way. But really, any way would be great.”

This is it. The moment that Geralt is going to drop him like a cat, except that Jaskier will not gracefully land on his feet, but on the earth that will hopefully swallow him whole so that no one can witness is shame.

Instead the arms around him tighten.

“Should we have gone to Novigrad sooner then?” Geralt ask.

Jaskier blinks. “Sorry, what does what I just said have anything to do with us coming here? That was your idea not mine. It was a happy coincidence that my friend was here to help me.”

Geralt starts shaking slightly and it takes Jaskier a moment to realise that what’s wrecking Geralt’s body is silent laughter.

“My breast pocket,” Geralt says and there is a glint in his eyes.

Jaskier hesitates for a second, before reaching into the pocket. His fingers find something cool and smooth. With furrowed brows he pulls the small bottle out. His eyes snap to Geralt.

“I am sorry, but I need you to spell this out for me. Why exactly is this the reason why you needed to go to the market so urgently?”

Geralt looks almost sheepish. “You always say that you prefer massaging me with the oil and I … I like it when you touch me.”

Jaskier gapes at him. “Are you” he stabs a finger at Geralt’s wonderfully firm chest. “seriously telling me that all this time I could have just asked to touch you?”

“Sure, you could have asked.” Geralt’s grin comes back in full force and that glint turns mischievous. “But watching you come up with all those stupid plans to touch me was just so much fun.”

[mooniefics]

— in the stars, down the styx

pairing : bertholdt hoover / reader

word count : 1.3k

tags : bittersweet, innocent love, star-crossed, pre-canon, angst in a soft way

summary : bertholdt made a promise to you, a vow that never once slipped his mind during all his years on paradis. he could remember your face like it was yesterday.

— originally posted 1 / 18 / 21 on ao3 —

"what do you think when you look up at the stars?"

he could remember that moment like it was yesterday—he could smell the cool evening breeze that had been whispering through the field that night, feel the flattened grass and firm ground pressing onto his back, hear that dreamy, almost faraway tone that you broke the silence with.

the official farewell ceremony was tomorrow, he'd been pulled in every which way for the past week by doting civilians, snappy military officers, and spent what little free time he had left over with his father, who could barely look at him without weeping, tears that made bertholdt feel a forlorn pang echo through his chest despite the pride that shone in his eyes. but that night, you'd come knocking at his bedroom window at an ungodly hour of the night, nearly startling him out of bed before he scrambled to unlatch it and push it open.

you didn't even give him a chance to question your unexpected appearance before you were leaning into his bedroom through the open frame, grinning impishly as you spoke. "get dressed, we're going on an adventure!"

you'd always been the unruly one in your friendship, constantly sticking your nose where it didn't belong, dragging him along for the ride when you could and the subsequent retreat that came when you were inevitably caught. but even when you were being scolded, or threatened with severe punishment, or dragged away by the arm by your mother, that infectiously jubilant smile never left your face, an eternal childish sparkle gleaming in your eyes. he always enjoyed your company, despite the trouble you brought. you never asked about the warrior program like the other children in his neighborhood, never worshipped him as a grand hero nor tried to prove to him that you were somehow above him in any way—you were just pleased to have someone to run about the streets of your hometown with you, even if it was only for a few days out of any given month.

he was sure you knew just as well as anyone that his mission would take years, and that he wouldn't return for a very long time, if he even returned at all. so instead of his usual routine of trying to talk you out of whatever scheme you'd concocted for the two of you, he simply nodded, quickly pulling on a jacket and slipping into his shoes before he climbed out of his window to join you outside, quietly shutting it behind him and hoping his father didn't wake up to come check on him.

his reply to your question had been simple, and he regretted how matter-of-fact he had been. "when i look up at the stars, i think of what they taught me in my science class. the stars are big, and they're far away, and the only one we can see in the daytime is the sun."

you had hummed in reply, staying silent for a moment as you gazed up at the cloudless night sky. there was a modest distance between the two of you, but your spread arms left your hands nearly touching, the warmth of you just barely reaching his skin. "when i look up at the stars, i think of all the people that i love."

he realized what had been wrong in that moment. you were far too calm, too quiet and small beside him, voice beginning to waver like a flickering flame.

"i don't know that many people, but even if i did, there'd be enough stars in the sky for all of them." your hand came into view, pointing in the vast, twinkling firmament hanging above you. "that one right there is for my mother, and that's for my father, then my grandmother, my grandfather.."

your finger strayed from the cluster you'd been naming off for the members of your family, settling on what seemed to be the brightest star of them all, barely speaking at a whisper. "and that one is for you."

he felt heat flush his pale cheeks, wide eyes gazing up at the star—his star. the flutter that had brought a light airiness to his chest faltered at the sound of your quiet sniffle, turning his head to the side just in time to catch the tear that slid down the side of your face and into your hair. you let out a weak giggle, your hand falling back down to rest at your side as you turned in the grass to face him. you were crying, soft features strained with such an unfamiliar sadness, but still you managed a wobbly smile, a hopeful gleam prevailing in your shining eyes.

"that island is so far away.. outside of liberio, all the way across the ocean, might as well be a whole different world than the one we live in." your fingers brushed over his, curling easily around them, "but no matter where you are, we'll always be under the same sky, right? we'll always see the same stars."

he barely managed a nod, wanting to burn the image of your face into his mind forever so he could never forget how you looked in this moment, hand squeezing tighter around yours. you scrubbed over your eyes with the back of your free hand, wiping away the wet streaks glimmering on your cheeks.

"come back soon, alright?" you told him, softly, the evening breeze carrying your words out into the unwavering sky.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

bertholdt lay out on the open plain, just a short trek away from the cadet dormitories, gazing up at the clouded sky in the hopes that the overcast would part just enough for him to see the stars. he wondered what you were doing right now, what you looked like, whether you even remembered him and his star or not.

it'd been four years since he'd last seen you, he was sure that you had grown up much like he had in all that time, and he wouldn't hold it against you if you only thought of him as some distant memory. but he couldn't help but cling to that final image of you, that wordless promise he'd made to return if only for the sake of seeing you once more before he died. he had accepted that he would never get to experience the true joys of life, that he would never get to live out his days in peace as he'd so naively fantasized of as a child.

he watched the thick clouds drift aimlessly above him, still searching for just the smallest opening between them. "i wonder if it's cloudy in liberio, too." he spoke out into the silence, feeling the gentle wind flutter through the dark hair resting over his forehead.

he couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips when he finally caught a glimpse of the shining sky through grey, the small gap slowly but surely opening up to reveal just what he'd been searching for since he woken up so abruptly, lashes and cheeks wet with tears that he thought he only dreamt of shedding.

there, just before him, gleamed his star, just as bright as the night you'd gifted it to him. his hand was reaching for it, forefinger just barely grazing over it in his vision, drifting across to a smaller, equally radiant star just beside it. your star. you didn't know it was yours yet, but he would make it home to tell you, he had to make sure you knew.

what do you think of when you look up at the stars?

your words echoed across his mind, voice fading as the sky fell dark once again.

"i think of the person i love." he answered into the cool night air—to you—in the hopes that you would hear it in the stars.

[maxwell-grant]

In the spirit of Terry Gilliam: conceive a movie called "America", which has nothing to do with America except in the most oblique way. Dystopia optional.

You can't just ask me to come up with something where I'm NOT supposed to build it by connecting the dots but, okay, I'll give it a shot.

Okay so, Terry Gilliam's Brazil is a movie that doesn't take place in Brazil (...I think, I'm not sure where it's supposed to take place but it definitely doesn't seem like it's intended to be Brazil), isn't about Brazil or anything Brazilian in any form, and literally the only reason why it's even called Brazil is because they picked a Brazilian song to name the film after. But the song itself is still significant to the film's theme, because it's a romantic whistling tune set as the backdrop of a brutally decadent dystopian nightmare that the protagonist is desperately trying to find an outlet from in the form of daydreams of a better life, which he finds in the end when he's lobotomized and abandoned in the room, humming the movie's theme to himself.

I guess if I had to do what you're asking and to for America what Brazil did for Brazil, I guess I'd have to create something:

Named after a American song titled America

The film employs the song America for ironic effect, although the song itself cannot be ironic

Absolutely no part of the plot or characters or locations or etc, must refer to America in any form, in fact it should strive to be as diametrically opposite as possible

Have it be weird, because you might as well not bother referencing Terry Gilliam in any capacity if you're not gonna make it weird

Since I don't want to make Brazil again, there's gonna be no dystopia and we're gonna jump locations outside of one city. Also, it's a cartoon, and it's dubbed in Portuguese, and it's a musical.

I guess for a start, I'd pick U2's America's Song

As the main theme of the film. However, the soundtrack is all done in the style of Jean-Jacques Perrey.

The main character's name is Eric, and he's just escaped from a secret base along with all the other lab specimens and monsters in it. This is the opening of the movie. And he looks like this

It's never made clear what exactly he is, if he's a brain shaped like a hat, or a sentient hat that's just shaped like a brain, or if he's both brain and hat, or something else entirely. Eric is functionally immortal, and can walk and move around with specialized blood vessel tentacles, like Dio's head at the end of Phantom Blood. He doesn't need to eat or sleep, but he still needs to keep hydrated, and he is upset because he has no body, so he can't talk, and all he really ever wanted was to sing, and to have people love him for his singing. But unfortunately every time he tries to talk he just makes unnerving gurgling sounds.

It makes him very sad.

He is, however, able to fit into the heads of people to control their movements and sing through them (he doesn't control their minds though, they can talk back and think, they just can't control what they do anymore), which is how we get the "I Want" song early on where he tells us. Except, he's got pretty particular tastes, I mean you'd have to, if you were a sentient brain experimented on for god knows how long, who's wanted nothing in life but to sing, and though he understands singing and how to manipulate vocal cords to do it, unfortunately his voice right now isn't as good as it should be, so he wants to find a new one.

And so the whole movie is kind of him going through a journey where he goes from place to place and person to person trying to find the right voice, and because this is a musical, he always finds people who are in the middle of some problem that he ends up helping fix through music and impromptu music numbers. Sometimes one of the monsters who appears in the opening scene show up trying to pass by unnoticed, they never stick around when he tries to talk to them, and it does make Eric a bit sad, that they find him unnerving still even though he's got a voice now.

The whole time he always finds a new excuse to go body surfing, he can never be satisfied with what he has. It's always a voice that's too low or too high, a body that he's not comfortable with, it's always a place that's too noisy or with too much reverb, and really his whole arc is that he's deeply insecure and he just isn't confident in himself enough to actually go through with performing in public.

His arc is him coming to terms with it and ultimately finding the strength to perform as himself, with no additional body. He finds a way to broadcast his true voice, and his previous hosts put together a packed presentation for him. He steels his courage and does it.

And it all goes really well, and he performs America's Song to an adoring audience.

May liberty and justice ring for all

Let your dreams stand tall

May opportunities fall upon you

In the land of the free

In fact, he sings so well, that the brains of his previous hosts, all the audience members and those watching it via livestream, burst out of their craniums as the bodies collapse, and the brains start all jumping along to the song

We have come

And we have prevailed

Who so ever dreamed, this is your will

And here we are

Here we are

We get an extended montage of special forces-type goons hunting down all of the monsters seen prior, as throughout the movie they've been chasing Eric's trail and picking off all the monsters that were supposedly helping him, and none of them were, they all tried fleeing and never hurt anyone. In fact we find out that the monsters were all running from Eric at the start, they bolted out of the facility mainly because of him.

We also get to see the brains forcing themselves on the nearest living humans, through their ears or mouths or eyes, and they all immediately start singing as well.

And may God (may God)

Keep us together

Cause America (America)

Is beautiful (beautiful)

The movie ends with Eric taking off into the sunset Pied Piper-style, intoxicated by newfound feelings of friendship and acceptance, with a whole gaggle of brains and brain-piloted bodies following him and all dancing off and singing into the sunset.

America

America

America is beautiful (beautiful, yes it is)

My America

Your America

Our America is beautiful

America

America

Is beautiful to me

And I swear I did not intend for this to be social commentary, I had no idea that this was going where it ended, I just kinda picked a dumb premise and tried running it to maybe the worst possible outcome, but I guess it's kinda inevitable that a story's gonna be charged when you give a title like this to it.

Anyway, that's what I came up with. It's a terrible idea I have zero qualms about sharing openly because I doubt I'll ever do anything with it, but there you go, this is me doing, uuh, Texeira Gilson's America (not my name, but a "Brazili-fied" take on Terry Gilliam's name)

[maryroses]

Kono Oto Tomare! and Redemption

SPOILERS up to Kono Oto Tomare! Chapter 107

For the most part I've been writing about Uzuki's motivations and failure through a lens of "what could have been." Let's talk about what actually happened and KOT's theme of redemption.

Is Uzuki relatable? Sure. I know I've had my fair share of friendships that moved on so seamlessly without me before I was ready for the change. You do feel left behind. That's where the understanding ends though, because Uzuki responds in probably the most selfish way possible. He doesn't see Chika as a human being, he sees him more like...a coping mechanism that he can bend into shape for his own comfort and benefit. He has the advantages to at least attempt this.

Is it justified? No. Is he forgivable? He's not getting any forgiveness from me any time soon.

But can he be redeemed? Well, anyone should try to move forward once they've realized their wrongdoings. It's not the same thing as forgiveness though, and I love a good story that makes that distinction. I actually think KOT does this pretty well already, particularly with Chika himself.

You could say that most KOT characters aren't their best when they first appear, and grow to be better. For Chika specifically, this goes hand in hand with a message to be careful with your judgements of others. Even more than that though, I think KOT shows you can't always be perfect when it comes to that, and that's okay. That's why I think a nuanced term for this theme is CHANGE. Be open to change within yourself and within others!

But despite everything in Chika's story that shows he doesn't deserve his reputation, he has done bad things. KOT allows us to see him wrestle with this fact. In the beginning, Chika struggles with how he damaged a koto during a tantrum. From a writing standpoint, this choice of focus is very strong, because he did that on his own. The gang wasn't there pressuring him (I get the sense that Chika had to project his toughness and fighting skills to survive those gang days). Chika's internal fight also stays contained within himself, the public opinion isn't really part of his motivations.

Placing Chika's backstory/big bad arc so much later in the story keeps Chika's fight focused on his movement forward. When he accomplishes something, we feel he's earned it. We also see through his interactions with other characters why he always prevails against his reputation. He's just a good boy! By the time the backstory comes along, you can see these good traits within him even back then. So it makes sense that his fight forward in the present is so earnest.

Back to Uzuki, his backstory isn't really like that. He always has this strange atmosphere around him. When he says he wants to destroy everything, he says he doesn't ever actually do it because the fallout would be "troublesome." He tells Momoya he can't wish for Chika's happiness like the club does. He's kinda impersonal.

So Uzuki doesn't have much in him so far that would make a redemption feel natural when taking into account his entire character. He'd have to show commitment to starting fresh. I've said before that I don't want a redemption for him, and I still think that would be interesting. I don't think literally everyone in KOT should follow the "change" theme. However, I am interested in how this thread will continue for Momoya. Will it be an arc with just them so Chika can move on in peace?