#but extremely extremely swollen + hives

[artdcnaldson]

patrick hive to the rescue because im thinking, as i often do, about friends to lovers with patrick where you're kind of upset because he and art have gotten around and you're still struggling on the dating scene, maybe you're shy, probably you just have standards, and its really just all starting to bug you because you're worked up!!!!! imagine hanging out with patrick during the summer - the room is sticky with humidity, despite the air conditioning being on full blast. you're hot and irritated and sexually frustrated. patrick being half clothed isn't helping, either - you can see the gleam of sweat on his bare chest - the dusking of hair on his thick thighs as he lounges back with a cigarette. you're going mad, it feels like you could detonate at any second your clit is so on fire - throbbing and achey and everytime you press you sweat slick thighs together it makes it worse.

patrick is looking at his phone - so you take the chane - just a small touch - just for some relief. you're on the bed, there's a plushi blocking his view - it cant hurt just to slide a sneaky hand down the band of your shorts and panties. just to stroke your swollen slit. surely he wont noitce if you just...... rub yourself a little. while you sneak glances at his toned body - just peeks, really. if you're very quiet (you do realize the sticky squelch of your cunt can be heard across the room, right? you dont) you might even be able to cum undetected

GODDDDD FUCK!!!! This was supposed to be a chill, normal, short response. Instead I ignored 2 work calls bc it’s that serious.

Rating: E (18+)

Warnings: SMUT (exibitionism/voyeurism, f!masturbation, not fingering but a secret third adjacent thing, extreme levels of horniness)

A/N: Patrick Hive we Linked and Built <3

Patrick thought it was so sweet that you invited him to visit your home for the summer. Apparently you’d sung nothing but his praises to your parents, because even though you were both eighteen, they let him sleep on the floor of your room on a blow up mattress, trusting him that much.

Which was annoying. You weren’t fucking Patrick (not for lack of wanting to), but they could’ve at least given you the benefit of the doubt and assumed that you might have some sort of sexual urges. It made your stupid fucking celibacy that much more embarrassing.

You’re home alone with him and the power’s out— a stupid, heat-induced rolling blackout. The open window only seems to usher in more hot summer air, so you’re both down to as few layers as would be appropriate. You, were down to a thin T-shirt and your panties. Patrick was only in a pair of grey nylon shorts. Sweat was beading down his bare chest, which was so fucking unfair.

Because it was Patrick, whose chest hair and happy trail made your mouth fill with drool any time you were treated to the sight of it. It was summer, and he was frequently shirtless, and you still hadn’t gotten used to the sight. Any sane person would want to lave their tongue along his chest, tasting the sweat and salt of his skin. That was… so totally normal to think about.

Patrick fucked your neighbor— the cute one who was going to a state school so she could be a kindergarten teacher. You didn’t know, but you were pretty sure. You’d been swimming in the pool during a cul-de-sac cookout, and they’d disappeared after a while. Patrick didn’t say anything that night, probably to protect your delicate sensibilities, but you could just kind of sense it.

God, it was unfair. All of the guys your age had girlfriends, or something. And the single ones were cute, but Patrick always seemed to fuck things up for you, either actively, or because you would always wind up talking about him. And because your parents thought it was totally fine for him to sleep in your room, you were surviving off of weak, rushed orgasms in the shower.

It was supposed to be a fun, sexy summer before you went off to college, and Patrick was totally ruining it. How was it fair that he got to fuck around and get his rocks off while you spent your summer feeling like you were wearing a fucking chastity belt?

And you were so wet it was uncomfortable, sticky between your thighs with absolutely no relief. Patrick was sitting on the fucking Air mattress, propped up by your cute, pink pillows and plushies that he’d stolen, watching a rerun of The Hills on MTV. His hand dangled out the open bedroom window so the smell of smoke wouldn’t get stuck in your innocent little bedroom.

He stretched, and you watched with an open mouth as he blew the cigarette smoke out the window. Pretty fucking lips, his muscles all taut as he turned. He looked back at the TV, and you exhaled a shaky breath. Fuck, you were so turned on you wanted to scream. Your pussy was just drooling into your panties, clit throbbing and aching for attention, your entire body felt empty, desperate to be filled up.

You were practically buried in your stuffed animal collection, which was embarrassing on any other day (Patrick had nearly laughed at the sight, but you’d insisted that you couldn’t just throw all of them away… they were nostalgic), but you’d never been more grateful until that moment.

You were already pretty well covered, thanks to the near life size bear sitting beside you— the perfect safety net. Your pulse was thundering in your chest, making you feel a little dizzy with anxiety or arousal, or a strange new mix of both.

You were burning hot between your thighs— throbbing and soaked all sticky and slick. Your legs twitched instinctively as your fingertips dipped into your core, where a pool of your arousal awaited. A shaky gasp escaped you as you moved your slick fingers up to your neglected clit, and you quickly muffled the noise into your pillow

It was like you’d never really touched yourself before. The level of need and desperation within you was completely unknown until that point. Your eyes rolled back as you began grinding up against your fingers. Your teeth dug into your lip to stay quiet as you played with your clit as discreetly as you could.

Patrick shifted to get more comfortable. Flexing his thighs just slightly, rubbing sweaty palms against the muscles there. He ashed his cigarette with his gaze locked on the TV. “This shit is so boring,” he muttered.

And fuck, his voice. You considered arguing with him, just so he’d get louder, and his voice would get more intense, and you’d be able to fuck yourself to completion to the sound of him speaking.

Your poor, neglected pussy clenched around absolutely nothing, begging to be filled by his dick, his fingers, your fingers, a toy, a hairbrush, fucking anything. Your panties were absolutely sodden— drenched to the point of forming a transparent little spot right above your cunt.

If Patrick had looked over, or, if he had unfocused his eyes just right and peered into the reflection of the TV screen, he would’ve been able to make out the sight of your fingers, moving steadily, desperately against your clit. If he had done that.

Your toes curled just slightly, thighs closing around your hand as you got closer and closer. It was loud— just how much you were moving. You needed— god, you needed so much in that moment. You grabbed a random plushie— a pink rabbit that you probably got with that years’ Easter basket— and held it over your lap. Yeah, that worked. Super casual, perfect way to hide the way your hand was working your clit.

And the pressure. Jesus Christ, the pressure of the warm stuffed animal over your cunt was too nice to resist. You’d have to throw it away after, you knew, but you couldn’t help but grind yourself up against it. If you closed your eyes, you could imagine it was his lap, or his thigh, or something warm and soft and hard for you to rut against.

But you couldn’t close your eyes, because you had to watch Patrick. To make sure he didn’t know what you were doing. An arm slung behind his head, the muscles highlighted by the shiny sheen of sweat there. You whimpered pathetically, muffled into the pillows. He probably heard, he pretended he didn’t. It was that level of feigned ignorance that let you keep going.

He probably knew, you could pretend he didn’t. The razor’s edge between you and a much needed, earth-shattering orgasm hinged on that level of ignorance.

So you pathetically humped against your fingers, and the stuffed rabbit, and chased at the bliss that was so fucking close you could taste it like metal on your tongue. Your thighs squeezed around the rabbit as you came, soaking through and making even more of a mess of your panties, and the rabbit, and your sheets, and your fingers.

You hadn’t realized how loud you were breathing. It was like someone had been holding you underwater and you could only just now hear the world with a shocking sense of clarity. Your body felt hot all over, your legs felt like jelly. You hid the stuffed rabbit beneath a discarded blanket, a problem for later. Legs crossed so you could hide the soaked mess between your legs.

Sure, you could play that off.

“You could’ve asked me to leave,” Patrick said around his cigarette. There was a twist to his lips, a sense of amusement. “Nah, you probably didn’t want me to. Too busy eye fucking me while you defiled that poor little bunny.”

He stood, noticeably hard in his shorts, which you weren’t looking at weren’t looking at weren’t looking at. He grabbed your ankles and pulled your legs apart, all while wearing the smug sort of expression that got you to this position in the first place. Really, it was all his fault. His eyes trailed up your legs, to the glistening mess coating your upper thighs, and the sheer mess of your panties.

“Huh.” His hands moved up your thighs and you exhaled shakily, parting them more to accommodate him, whatever he wanted, whatever he was thinking. You could come a thousand more times just for him, at his every whim. But that was the repression talking, not just because of him.

Your breath caught as his fingers hooked into the waistband of your panties and he peeled them down. His expression held the same sort of concentration that you saw him exhibit on the court. Focused on you, it made your heart pound.

“No wonder you were so loud, huh?” He teased, fingers gliding through your slit. It was embarrassing how wet you were, coating his fingers and palm in your arousal. Each light brush against your clit made your thighs twitch, made a desperate keen escape you. “I could hear it the second you started, by the way. But even before that, I could fucking smell how turned on you were. You could’ve said something, you know. I would’ve taken care of you, made it real nice.”

You moaned softly, eyes wide as you peered up at him. When he removed his hands from your pussy you fucking whined— pouting as he held his fingers up to the light and grinned at the glistening mess left behind. You watched those fingers disappear between plush lips, tongue sweeping out to clean them up. His cock jumped behind the shorts he wore from want.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” you insisted, sitting up to rub him through the fabric. “It’s hot, we’re both horny and bored. Just use me. It’ll feel nice.”

He didn’t take much convincing. He’d been rubbing his dick raw on that stupid fucking inflatable mattress every night when you were asleep anyway. How could he not? You were just too adorable.

@poppy-metal your mind amazes me no words no thoughts just this <3 thank youuuuuu for this in my inbox it truly kept me fed

[woso-dreamzzz]

Shot Through The Heart III

Alexia Putellas x Archer!Reader

Summary: You're pregnant

"Don't."

Alexia backed away quickly, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

"I was just-"

"No."

"Amor-"

"No, Alexia. I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

You got to your feet and stretched, ignoring the way that Alexia hovered uncertainly as you balanced the laundry basket on your hip on your way up the stairs.

"I can carry it." She trailed you everywhere you went. "You shouldn't be carrying such heavy things. The babies-"

"The babies will be fine and, unless you're going through twenty kits daily, this basket barely weighs anything."

Your pregnancy hadn't come as a surprise. You and Alexia had been trying for a while before it worked. It had been decided that you would carry, your sport was a lot less physically taxing than Alexia's. It was all going smoothly until you had gone to a scan one day to find out that you weren't having one baby girl like you thought.

You were having two.

Alexia, of course, had taken mother henning to the extreme when she had found out, hovering incessantly and staying with you as long as possible before heading to practice.

That hovering nature had extended to every aspect of your life the moment that you started showing.

She trailed you up the stairs, opening the wardrobe doors for you when you started to fold the clothes.

"Alexia," You said in warning when she started dividing everything up.

"Amor," She said back," I'm just helping."

You swatted at her with a t-shirt. "You're being a nuisance and you're hovering. Again. Cut it out."

"I'm not hovering!" She insisted, still very clearly hovering.

"You are." You rolled your eyes, bending down to grab the socks that had fallen on the floor.

"I'm not!"

"Alexia," You said, putting the last of the laundry away," You are most certainly hovering." You turned to face her. "I'm fine. The girls are fine. Everything's fine."

She sighed, holding her breath in for a few seconds before releasing. "Okay. I'm sorry, amor. I just want to make sure all three of you are safe."

You press a kiss onto her cheek. "I know. If it didn't annoy me so much, I'd say it's cute how protective you are over us."

Alexia took a step forward and placed her hand daringly on your bump. "I just want you to be careful."

You rolled your eyes fondly. "What do you think I do all day while you're at work? I sit on the sofa all day and type on my laptop. You're lucky I love you or I wouldn't have taken a break from training so early."

Your bow was resting comfortably in the corner of the living room, just collecting dust after you put it aside as soon as you started to show.

You'd probably have gone on for a bit longer with your bow but it made Alexia antsy so you stopped and just continued with your interviews and writing so she would stop breaking out in hives every time you left her to go train.

Alexia spent most of her time with you on a good day but now that you were making a family together, she was adamant about staying with you until she absolutely has to. She stayed in bed for as long as possible in the morning and she didn't hang behind at training to speak with her teammates.

If the team wanted to go out together, she either bowed out or changed the get-together to your shared house so she could hold your hand and rest her head on your shoulder.

"Names?" You asked one evening as you rested on the sofa with Alexia massaging your swollen feet.

"Whatever you want," She replied," I don't mind."

"You must have some opinion, Ale," You said," Don't tell me you have no ideas."

"You're carrying them," Alexia said," You have all the power here, amor. I'm just happy that I'm the one you chose to take along for this ride."

"You're so sappy," You said with a fond eye roll," You have no opinions? What about middle names?"

Alexia's face got a little red and she couldn't meet your eyes for a moment. "I'd like for one to be Elisabet, after Mama."

"Good idea," You said," And for the other one?"

"I was thinking either Alba or María but I don't know if I want either of them to get a bigger head than they already have."

"I think if Alba's head gets any bigger then it might roll off her neck," You joked and finally got a little smile out of your wife.

"What about you?" She asked," You asked about names. You must have some in mind."

You stared at the picture of your most recent ultrasound, tracing over each of your babies.

"Baby A could be Elena," You said," Baby B...Maybe Maya."

"I like them," Alexia replied," Elena and Maya Putellas-l/n."

"Maya Elisabet," You smiled," And Elena...Well, you'll just have to decide which one you'd prefer to inflate the ego of."

"Elena María but Alba can be godmother."

Maya and Elena came into the world two days after an El Clásico win for Barcelona. Two little crying babies that fit easily in your arms rounded out a perfect week for you and Alexia.

"Perfect girls," Alexia said as she admired them before looking over at you in pure contentment," My three perfect girls."

[roisinivy]

September is PCOS Awareness month. Last year I made a post including all of the common symptoms. As it's nearly a year since my diagnosis, I thought I would share my story of being diagnosed...

I started showing symptoms of having polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS for short) when I was 14, in 2018. I went 9 months without a period, started growing body hair in places that are not considered 'normal' for women, gained a lot of weight, started getting very oily skin and acne.

When my mum queried this with a doctor, she was told I was just a teenager having an irregular phase and that no doctor would seriously look at a diagnosis for me until I was at least 16.

(what my mum didn't know is that I was being groomed and had been assaulted, which is when I developed binge eat disorder, which also accounted for the weight gain...)

By the time I had turned 16 in 2020, covid had put the uk into a second nation wide lockdown and completely ruined an already struggling NHS.

I didn't see a doctor about my PCOS until a month before I turned 19, due to all of the backlog.

My doctor ordered a blood test, and an ultrasound of my ovaries at a nearby hospital. The blood test was completed within a week, but it took me 6 weeks to get my first scan. I am still a virgin, and due to being sexually assaulted when I was younger, I was extremely nervous about having something in me and to have a nurse/doctor see me like that.

The external ultrasound was incredibly painful, having a bladder full of two liters of water pushing down onto you. The nurse couldn't get a good enough view, so I went to relive myself before having what would be my first of three ultrasounds.

The nurse took one look at my scan and confirmed I definitely had polycystic ovaries, she could also see I had ovulated. I knew I would be having my first period in 4 months in December of 2023. This was the last period I had, it was the worst I'd had in a very long time.

On my first scan, a large cyst was spotted, so I would need a second one due to the size of it. It was roughly the size of a ping-pong ball. My ovaries are also swollen to about three times the size they should be.

By my second scan, it had disappeared. I had a third as a precaution, which was also clear of anything concerning.

I then started taking Cerelle birth control in February.

I have had two bartholin cysts (infection of the vagina), hives, extremely sore breasts on and off, nausea, low libido, acne, increased body weight, tiredness, rashes and so much more caused by my birth control...

But it's preventing me from having an increased risk of developing cancer when I'm older, masking my symptoms so that I can have a 'normal' life whilst living with PCOS.

Although I still grow a better beard than my 18 year old brothers thanks to the increase androgen lol

I don't know how long I'll stay on birth control, or if I'll have to use other treatments, but this is my PCOS journey so far.

[papermint-airplane]

The saga of Laura's right arm 😭

Monday night, I developed a big rash on my right forearm. It was itchy and bumpy and horrible but I didn't think too much of it because I have been going through a horrendous eczema flare up recently so I was just like "ugh another rash to join my collection" and treated it like I do my other breakout sites.

But then the itching kept going. If you've never had eczema before, it itches at first but then it usually stops itching in favor of hurting real bad because your skin is cracking open and bleeding. Fun shit. That didn't happen though. It just kept itching worse and worse and spreading up my arm to the crook of my elbow.

Yesterday, while I was at work, I noticed the bumps were getting bigger and bigger. That's right, your girl had hives. I figured I'd just take a Benadryl and go to bed and be fine the next day. And I was. Kind of. This morning, the itching had stopped and the hives had gone away but MY ENTIRE ARM WAS SWOLLEN. It felt solid and hot and extremely painful. Also the pain wasn't just where the rash had been, it was radiating up my arm and my shoulder was really sore as though I pulled a muscle. Also I felt gross and run down like my body was fighting something off. The swelling was freaking me out so I took two Aleve and I was thinking "if this doesn't do it, I'm going to have to go to urgent care" which I don't want to do because...well...I'm American. You know how healthcare shit is for us. Fortunately the pills did the trick because the swelling is down considerably and so is the soreness. I just don't know what happened in the first place. Did something bite me? Is this an allergic reaction to the ridiculous amount of pollen everywhere? Did I touch something weird at the gas station Monday morning? The fact that it was affecting my entire arm is really worrying me. Hopefully whatever it was is gone now but I am stocking up on Benadryl just in case.

If you don't hear from me by tomorrow, my arm probably fell off. 😭😭

[electrons2006]

A Life of Illness

Chapter One :

Death by Milk??! Part 1

(writers note: this story is based on true facts and and real life experiences of a real person. And yes before u kill me I do have their complete consent to write this)

Whumpee's allergies have been getting worse recently. Every other thing they eat, hives and rashes all over their skin. Caretaker is so worried for their beloved whumpee. "I don't want to eat anymore. If I don't eat there won't be any allergies right?",whumpee says sort of comically sort of in sorrow. "Don't be silly whumpee. I understand it's not easy and you're constantly in discomfort but you'll get better I promise".Whumpee just nods. They are otherwise a very lively kid but this deathly combo of allergies and asthma has affected whumpee more than physically. Just imagine being a 10 year old kid who is allergic to chocklate and wheat! No cakes no pizzas no burgers nothing. All while your friends munch on them and those nasty bullies mocking you when u can't eat the things you love. If that's not enough whumpee can't even play any sports with their friends. They just have to sit outside and watch. Their asthma prevents them from any physical exertion. Days pass weeks pass. Whumpee keeps becoming sadder. They are no longer the lively jumpy kid they once were. But they're a fighter. Caretaker knows that and they're proud of how enduring whumpee is.

Caretaker is extremely careful not to let whumpee get in contact with anything that they are known to be allergic to, but some things just happen. Whumpee isn't the biggest fan of drinking a large glass of milk every morning but if caretaker says it's good for them then it's good for them. Whumpee gulps down the glass full quickly and just as they're going to wash it they collapse. The glass shatters on the floor. Hearing this caretaker runs out to see what happened. Whumpee is on the floor. Their hands and feet flopping like a dying fish. They're unable to breathe. THEY ARE IN ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK. Whumpee's wind pipe has narrowed to the point its hardly letting any air through. The organ that's supposed to put air into their lungs is itself choking them to death. Without wasting a second caretaker calls for an ambulance.

Unfortunately epi - pens aren't a thing where they live so caretaker can't do anything for whumpee. They walk over to them and even though they're panicking they calm their voice down and tell whumpee that they need to calm down too and stay as still as possible. Whumpee needs to preserve their oxygen. Hardly any air is entering their lungs and whumpee has to take huge efforts for that too. Two minutes go by. Caretaker's hand is on whumpee's forehead trying to calm them down. Whumpee's hands and feet are no longer moving not because they're calm but because they simply don't have the energy. Any energy is spent in trying to breathe. They're tounge has swollen which is making breathing even harder. Whumpee's eyes are wide open in terror. They have experienced difficulty in breathing before but nothing like it.

10 minutes pass. The sound coming out of whumpee's throat is straight out of a horror film. Whumpee's breath has slowed they're getting tired. Caretaker notices. "No whumpee you must try harder. Keep breathing." Since breathing is no longer involuntary if whumpee passes out they are sure to die. Caretaker knows this and it terrifies them. They feel whumpee's pulse. Weak and fast.

"I'm so tired. Am I going to die? Die like this? In the most horrible terrifying way possible? No I must fight I must live", whumpee thinks as they turn their vision from the celeing to caretaker. They can't die on caretaker. Not after everything they've done for whumpee. With a new rush of energy whumpee tries to breath harder. The sounds get louder.

15 minutes pass. Caretaker finally hears the ambulance arrive. They stand up and run to the door. No time for door bells. They open it and 3 people come rushing in. One with a gurney one with equipment to intubate and one with a vial of epinephrine and a few syringe's "300 micrograms epinephrine" they say as they fill the syringe and jab whumpee in the thigh. A lot of time has already passed. Epinephrine takes about 5-10 minutes to take effect. They may not have that kind of time. The person with the gurney who seems to be the oldest of the 3 puts it down. "We have to intubate. Can't take any chances." With the help of caretaker they put whumpee on the gurney and carry them to the ambulance. The person with the epinephrine now attaches a leed to whumpee's finger and a monitor lights up. "You were right sir need to intubate stat. Their O2 SATS are tanking" . (They are referring to whumpee's blood oxygen concentration here). They pick up an iv needle. The vein on whumpee's arm is pretty visible. They insert the needle, whumpee flinches." That's it I'm done. Now you can sleep we'll take care of you" the doctor says as they inject a sedative into the IV. "Night night my prince" caretaker says as tears roll down their eyes.

"why is God so cruel to my dear whumpee" he says aloud without realising. The doctor puts down the syringe for a sedative, squeezes caretaker's shoulder and tells caretaker that whumpee will be fine. The doctor means that in a physical sense but caretaker knows after everything whumpee has been through they will take a while to mentally recover from this trauma. Not being able to breath is no for 15 minutes is no joke. Meanwhile the person with the equipment hands the older one the endotrachial pipes(endo-trachea meaning inside the trachia or wind pipe where the tube is supposed to go. ) and uses the laryngoscope to move the tounge and the epiglottis(a small movable lid above the larynx or voice box that prevents food or water from going down the wind pipe) out of the way to give clear vision into the trachea. The other person opens the bag with the larger tube and guides it into the trachea through the mouth. Or atleast the try "aaah too much constriction it won't go in". They take the pipe out of whumpee's mouth and toss it pick up the smaller one and repeats. Meanwhile the 3rd person grabs the equipment for a tracheostomy ( a surgical procedure where an insicion is made in the neck into the trachea from outside and the tube is sent through there) just in case even the smaller tube doesn't fit through whumpee's mouth, but thank god it does. No surgery for dear whumpee. With one hand holding the pipe they remove a seal from the part of the tube which is outside whumpee's mouth. The person with the loryngoscope takes it out and attaches a bag on this side of the pipe and starts pumping air into whumpee's lungs. Within a minute whumpee's O2 SATS start to normalise. The doctors take a breath of relief. Caretaker has been looking away. This is all too much for them. Their heart breaks for one and one person only and that's their beloved whumpee. They're sobbing their fists clenched. They're blaming themselves for what happend. They should've never given whumpee the milk its all their fault. That's what caretaker thinks. The older doctor who's job is done for now looks towards caretaker. They're very experienced and know exactly what caretaker is thinking. "It's not your fault there was no way for you to know this was going to happen. Your whumpee is going to need you to be strong when they wake up." Yes anything for whumpee. Caretaker wipes his tears off and grits their teeth "I'm always here for you whumpe" they whisper. The panic is gone and there's a sense of calm in the back of the ambulance. The driver still rushing at top speed to get to the hospital. "Uhh sir. Why are they going into tachycardia? "(irregular and fast heart beat) The youngest doctor asks looking closely at the monitor . Their voice full of panic.To be continued....

[onaa-ohokthen]

I've had this skin situation on my ankle spreading from the surgery scar outward, saw a (extremely dismissive and uninterested) dr from my primarys office Tuesday, was prescribed a topical, but it's Saturday and it's gotten SO MUCH WORSE, and if it was on my knee I wouldn't care, but it's on my ankle which I NEED NEED NEED to be able to assess for swelling at all times and I can't because the skin is so swollen and it's gonna ruin my entire long weekend because all I can think about is how I need need need need to see an actual competent doctor who can actually fix this how is this hard its fucking hives just fix them but my derm' s office usually takes weeks or months and I'm gonna fucking die from this. I'll be the first human who died from a square inch of hives on her ankle but I can't do jack about it until TUESDAY because of a fucking long weekend. I have all the scripts ready but it's 69 hours and 16 minutes until I can call and then I'll probably be put in line.

[sarpedon]

im genuinely deeply concerned about the level to which people have normalized eating things that they're intolerant/mildly allergic to. lactose intolerant people making "i'll regret this later haha!" comments while eating an ice cream cone. the nigh ubiquitous jokes people make about eating taco bell and then being stuck on the toilet for 45 minutes because of it. like im so fucking serious if something causes you nausea, diarrhea, heart burn, bloating (REAL bloating, not whatever the fuck fitness influencers call bloating), migraines, extreme lethargy, hives, swollen tongue, or just general discomfort every time you eat it, you REALLY need to stop eating it.

you dont have to be in pain. food isnt supposed to hurt you.

[saltineofswing]

EVERY WAKING MOMENT

Destiny 2 || 3500 Words || Pt. 1 || Pt. 3

In Another World, In Some Ways Like The One We Know…

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t stab you until you’re dead,” Sai Mota said with a measured and even voice that did not betray the extreme rage boiling in her chest. Toland, with the closest approximation of meekness he could muster, accepted that he had erred in leaving Sai out of his rescue plans. He panted on the metal floor of Sanctuary’s medical ward, his nose broken, his lip split, his left eye swollen.

“I’ll stay that way,” Toland croaked.

His blood was slick and black as it drooled down his chin, and dripped from the knuckle-plate of Sai’s gauntlet. Eriana-3 and Vell watched, arms folded, from the doorway and the far corner respectively; they seemed disinterested in intervention. Toland felt rage of his own ooze up from a place in his throat. The judgement of others was like coins prickling his bony armor to him, but the fact that they dared to judge him for his mistakes – his transgressions against Sai – when their betrayal was so much greater overwhelmed even his even temper. No… it wasn’t that, he decided.

He hated them in this moment for the fact that they had even bothered to show their faces at all. No matter that he had called them, that had been as much a formality as anything. Eris Morn’s body slumbered in Sanctuary’s recuperation suite as her closest friends tore each other apart less than a hundred feet away.

Sai strode forward three large steps and buried the toe of her boot into his gut before he could stand back up; Toland grunted as he was thrown back to the ground. He rolled, dragging the jagged bone claws of his glove across the stone until green sparks lit flame across his knuckles. Sai kicked him in the face with the flat of her boot – as he floundered backwards she drew a knife from her belt and nailed his hand to the floor with it. 

Toland screamed as he saw that it was the blade that had been Yuka. 

With his off-hand he drew the blade that had been Guren. At this, Eriana drew the blade that had been Jax, and Vell drew the blade that had been Razor, shifting from looming passivity to be prepared in case one of them gutted the other. Sai dove on top of him and he ran the edge of Guren across her cheek to her ear, leaving a deep groove that immediately spat the same tainted, maroon blood across his face. She hissed and battered her fists against his already-bruised cheekbone, his broken nose, tried to pin his head to the ground so she could continue to bludgeon him with more ease. With one hand indisposed, Toland was forced to make a choice. Even now, even with the threat of death igniting an ancient bloodlust inside of him, even though she had just done something unforgivable to him, Toland chose Sai. He dropped Guren to the ground with an unnaturally clear clatter and slammed the side of his fist against the opened gouge in Sai’s cheek, making her yelp in surprise and pain.

They fought like Thrall over scraps of meat, while Eriana and Vell watched like Acolytes. 

No words passed between them. In this way the Hive had changed them all, the speed and savage escalation of violence, the quiet and dispassion of it. The room held only the sound of Toland and Sai’s ragged breathing, their grunts of pain, the sounds of bone or metal clacking together or thudding against flesh. 

Then the double-doors to the ward slammed open. Ish-Mulmir darted into the room and drew herself to her full height; Toland, alone, knew enough to clap his free hand over his ear and flatten his head against his other bicep when she drew in one sharp, whistling breath.

Eriana, Vell, and Sai Mota still had enough Guardian in them – and Ish-Mulmir enough Hive – to recoil with shock and grab for their guns. But before they could, Ish-Mulmir barked out a single, shrieking note that rang like the peal of a bell through the entire building. Her eyes, dilated to massive pale discs of glowing Ascendant light, flashed with the power of a bolt of lightning, and the same light burst from her mouth and glowed in her neck and chest, illuminating her alien veins and internal structures for a brief moment. Eriana and Vell were thrown back against the wall with breathless grunts and collapsed in heaps. Sai jerked back away from Toland as if she had been bodily struck, and grabbed her head with a cry of pain. Ish-Mulmir stepped forward and swatted her, sending her crashing through a nearby sick bed into the far corner.

“ENOUGH!” Ish-Mulmir boomed with a voice that now rattled all of Sanctuary. Her wings whipped off of her back, suddenly filling the entire room with her stature. Toland stayed low, curled into a ball, with blood trickling from his ear. “COWARDS! ALL OF YOU! Fools! This is your hour of victory! You spend it on selfish bloodletting!” Her triplicate gaze burned into Eriana and Vell. “Or, at least, the more driven among you do!”

“We didn’t come here to get engaged in these two trashing each other,” Vell said with a shakily affected dispassion; he gestured with a dismissive wave at Toland. “These two chuckle-heads haven’t kept us in the loop on any of this.”

“Oh, fuck you!” Sai groaned from the corner, rolling clumsily onto her elbows and knees.

“You came at all, and that is enough,” Ish-Mulmir said; her ire waned and her wings folded themselves back down into her cloak. “You came because you held hope in your heart, and that hope was vindicated. I allow you no room for dishonesty, Vell Tarlowe.”

“We don’t have to take this from you,” Eriana snapped. “You aren’t involved in this any more than we are.”

“You do, and I am,” Ish-Mulmir hissed. “For I am right, and also, it was my spellwright that took Eris Morn from Savathûn’s clutches. So you will listen. You are listening. You have no choice.”

There was Sword Logic in that, Toland thought. But he also knew Eriana; she would burn herself to ashes before she allowed Ish-Mulmir to get the last word. Thankfully, Ish-Mulmir was through speaking to her. She turned to him, now. “Toland,” she said, and her voice was soft and almost pleading. “You must let them in.”

“Sometimes,” Toland managed, though he could barely hear it through the blood pounding in his head, “bloodletting is necessary. To relieve… pressure.” Even in this state, Toland’s voice was unshaken. 

Ish-Mulmir looked down at him with an expression that Toland could not read; the intricacies of her biology sometimes escaped him. It was withering, certainly, though it held also perhaps pity. 

“I am tired of you, Toland,” she finally said, with a laborious tone of surrender. Toland felt the acute agony of this more than anything else that had been wrought upon him. She looked at Sai, then Eriana, then Vell. “I am tired of all of you.” She turned, now diminished, and began to slip back through the doorway, shutting the doors she had thrown open behind her. Even Vell hung his head. Toland wanted so dearly to call to her, to ask forgiveness, to apologize, or to beg her not to give up on him. Instead, he was silent.

“Ish-Mulmir, wait!” Sai said, and some part of Toland was glad for her desire to be loved, or how willing she was to display it. “I –“

Ish-Mulmir silenced her with an imperious glance over her shoulder. Toland allowed his face to sag as the Thief of Moths left them to themselves.

Toland rolled fully onto his side and stared with dull disinterest at his hand and the blade that had been driven through its center. The blade was aligned parallel to his hand, artfully planted between the bones of his fingers without breaking or shearing any of them. All of their blades were different; his was a spade of a dagger, neither too long nor too short, but broad and courtly. Sai, the only Hunter left of them, had fashioned hers into an artful, narrow finger of death. The pain, of course, was excruciating, and radiated through his wrist, his elbow… he could even feel it in his navel. His fingers twitched, unsynchronized, with the beat of his heart. 

Sai pushed herself out of the corner and loped across the room to him. He tensed, not because he was afraid she was going to attack him again, but because he knew what she was about to do. She stooped and yanked the blade ungracefully from his hand; he felt the edge slice through the narrow inch between his second and third knuckles and emitted an involuntary, clipped groan. “Damn you, Toland,” Sai spat, wiping the blade clean on a nearby curtain.

“You attacked him first!” Vell cried; finally, Toland thought with a bitter sneer, their two betters joined them in the muck. Though it was, in truth, more like Ish-Mulmir had broken a spell, and Vell had remembered that he actually cared about the other people in the room.

“You didn’t stop me, so obviously it didn’t bother you too much!”

“Would you have listened to either of us?” Vell shoved her aside hard enough that she stumbled, and stooped to help Toland up. Eriana caught Sai and steadied her, and Toland allowed Vell to take his upper arm and lift him to his feet; he was thankful, in brief seconds, for the gentle hands of a Titan. He was unsteady on his feet after his drubbing, and folded his punctured hand to his chest. He smoothed his uninjured palm across it, and there was a sizzle of hot green magic; though he winced at the sensation of his skin burning itself back together, his wound closed up. The rest, he would let heal on their own. As penance.

“You didn’t even try.” Sai’s anger turned on Eriana and Vell, now, and Toland withdrew to the least-bright corner of the room to watch like an animal and lick his wounds. It wasn’t that Eriana or Vell felt emboldened to defend him, he was sure; rather, there had been a breach of social contract, and that meant someone was the ‘bad guy’ in the situation. Toland was used to it being him. “Honestly, I’m shocked you bothered to be here.”

“That’s not fair,” Vell puffed out his chest and set his fists on his hips. “Of course we came! You – you think we just forgot about all of this? You think we wouldn’t have helped, if we knew you two and the Young Wolf were trying to pull this off?”

“You abandoned us!” Sai bit out. “You gave up on Eris! Even when Omnigul and Crota were killed! Where were you when Toland and I were guiding the Young Wolf through the Dreadnaught? When she killed Oryx? I’m surprised you even bothered to keep your knives with you. Thought you would’ve thrown them away like you did us!”

“FUCK YOU!” Vell bellowed, his moodnoise suddenly roaring in the small room.

“YOU WEREN’T HERE!” Sai screamed back at him. Her voice was ragged and broke when she could not sustain its volume. She was mostly laconic in temperament; Toland wondered if he had heard her speak more in the last ten minutes than in the last ten years. “I never gave up on her! Toland never gave up on her! We and Ish-Mulmir have been grinding ourselves into PASTE trying to wrench her out of Savathûn’s grasp!”

“How is this about us, all of a sudden?!” Vell said, with a genuinely flabbergasted lunacy in his voice; he threw his arms out to either side and almost struck Eriana, who had been standing motionless, her posture attempting to evoke detached grace. Toland knew better. “Now you’re defending Toland? Two seconds ago you were trying to smash his skull in!”

“You stabbed him with Yuka,” Eriana said, accusatory and arch and unaccepting of any fault. Bitter. Spurned. “That’s unforgivable, Sai.”

There was a pause, then, a moment of quiet with a tensile strength insufficient for the weight it bore. Toland quailed at it. “Then he and I, at least, are even,” Sai snapped, with such breathless ferocity that Eriana was stymied for a response. Eriana turned her gaze away. The quiet glint of shame in her throatlights made Toland feel, amidst his agony, the faintest satisfaction. It was enough to unlock his throat and allow him to push words out of his mouth, though it hurt his lip. At last, an unimpeachable opportunity to condescend.

“None of us emerged from the Hellmouth whole,” Toland said, and marveled that he had not struck Eriana down in her moment of weakness. The others, too, seemed struck by this, and turned to look at him where he hid in the corner. He had eased himself down into a chair, and leaned his elbows heavily on his knees. He was so tired. The quiet stretched for a few moments more. Toland was a master in the art of choosing his words; he knew how to pick words to embarrass, to make small, to snidely placate or disparage. None of those ends would serve him here, and so he was required to truly think. With his head split as it was, the order was tall. 

Sometimes, the truth was the most effective weapon. “… We have been too shy of admitting it. We are all dead, and do not know it. We have not been as one since we dragged ourselves from the Hellmouth.” He looked at the puddle of blood and the hole in the floor where Yuka’s metal flesh had bitten him, and squeezed his injured wrist. “For better or worse we are bound, the four of us. Five of us. Tethered, but straining in opposite directions. Pulling ourselves thin and spiteful. Narrowed and strained. Mistaken for power. Briefly we were close, and so the tether was mighty.” He looked up at them. “Now thin like threads of silk. Perhaps broken.”

“… No.” Eriana stepped forward, touching Vell’s shoulder, brushing Sai’s forearm. She looked meaningfully between the two of them and then approached him; he looked up into her face, ever stoic and unmoving, devoid of the blistering fire he knew roared inside of her. Or, had, once. She crouched down until she was at his eye level; he closed his eyes, and so did she, and he felt the coolness of her metal forehead press against his. “Never broken.” He heard Vell’s lumbering footfalls, felt the Titan’s hand on his shoulder, and then Eriana’s on top of his. “You are right. We should never have given up on Eris. I just…” She stood now, unable to be both physically and emotionally vulnerable in the same space. “… I was so tired of losing people.”

“We all were,” Sai said, though her voice still quavered with anger.

“I know,” Eriana said quickly, and turned to her. When she took Sai’s hands, it was with a softness and affection that she could not display to Toland. They’d never been quite that close. “The truth is… the truth is that Toland is not the only one who failed you. I did, too.”

“I mean, I think I did okay,” Vell muttered, though when Toland looked up at him with an arched brow, he squeezed Toland’s shoulder and scratched his scruffy chin in an unconvincingly noncommittal way.

“I am better than that,” Eriana said. Her tone ignited with passion. “I will make it up to you all.” Vell strode to her and patted her firmly on the back with enough force that Toland would have been jerked out of step, but Eriana took the blow in stride. She smiled at him in her mouthlights, still holding one of Sai’s hands, and then looked to Toland. He dipped his chin cautiously at her. She gave him a resolute nod, and her eyes shone with a respect that made him feel a twisting knot of different emotions.

The room was silent once more. Toland wanted to stand and go to the three of them, standing in contemplative, quiet togetherness. Comforting each other with their closeness. Recommitted to one another. Instead, he remained apart, and convinced himself that it was not in his nature to require acknowledgement, or respect, or togetherness.

“I have business,” Eriana finally said. “With the Hidden. I… I cannot stay.” She looked to Toland again. That same, new, smoldering respect was in her face. “Will you tell me when she wakes? Send for me, when she is strong enough for visitors?”

“Yes,” Toland said simply. She turned, murmured something he could not hear to Sai, and gave Vell one more affirming nod. She paused only briefly at Sai’s gaze, which still prickled with betrayal and anger. Eriana sighed. Some things, Toland thought, could not be fixed with a rousing speech. But Eriana had already dedicated herself to the task. And then Eriana left them. Just as before, but now, with the promise of return. 

Vell set his hands on Sai’s shoulders. She hugged him, briefly, and tightly. “I uh… I should get back to Earth,” he managed, though his voice was awkward and uncertain. “The blueberries on the wall have been alone for almost a day, so I’m sure something’s been destroyed.” He glanced between her and Toland, then picked up his helmet from where it lay. “… The second call you make is to me,” he said meaningfully, and Sai nodded without responding. 

And then there was only Sai Mota and Toland, once-shattered. She turned to face him. He did not have the strength to stand, and so she approached him cautiously. Her face was tight and pale with frustration, but he did not see loathing. She dragged a nearby chair over and plopped down in front of him, folding her arms and appraising him, the damage she had done to him. He snorted in through his broken nose; a glob of coagulated blood and mucus slid out of his sinuses and into his throat, which he swallowed thickly. 

“Why?” She finally asked, and the hurt and anger in her voice made Toland close his eyes for a moment, so he could indulge in the pounding ache of his injuries. 

“I didn’t trust you,” he finally admitted, and she let out a wet scoff. “I knew the architecture of the thing we were attempting. I knew that… we would need to back the Witch Queen into a corner she did not realize was there. I knew that we would need our machinations to escape Mara Sov’s imperious eye. Weaving two spells, but really three, but really, one.”

“More plainly,” Sai said, her voice clogged and her cheeks red. “Or I’ll stab you again.”

“It is as I said. I did not trust you,” he said soberly. “I didn’t trust that you would be able to… keep up. Or understand the precariousness of what we were doing.” He dragged his hand down his face, wiping blood from his lips and chin. “I thought that I was all we needed. I am sorry, Sai Mota, for underestimating you. I failed you in this way, and many others.” He lowered his head, and sneered to himself. “And I used my own angst over that to fuel the spell. I told myself it was necessary to complete the Lament. So I kept pushing you away.”

“So,” Sai said slowly, her eyes red and wet, “this was all for you, and your ego. To prove that you could.”

How true, in some ways, that was. But it was more than that. Proving he could was nothing next to having Eris back. He would have burned his soul out of his body, if it meant re-tethering Eris to hers. And more than that – he couldn’t risk that Sai would have done the same. That, in truth, was where he trusted her the least. Her compassion. If anyone should have been wasted away by the weight of their Spell, it should not be Sai Mota. He could not possibly lose Eris and Sai, after everything he had done to keep her alive.

“No. I did it for you, too,” Toland rasped. “Oh, Sai, I did it for her.” Sai’s face finally crumpled, her eyes streaming, and a sob escaped her. She threw her arms around his shoulders and cried for a time.

Toland, exhausted, bloodied, denied the relief and exultation and, yes, love he found that had wanted so badly, closed his eyes tightly and quietly allowed himself the same. He wondered, selfishly, if Ish-Mulmir would ever speak to him again – he felt bound to her, too. He hoped she would. 

But only if he changed. He thought of Eris, and decided that it was a sacrifice he was already willing to make.

[cl0udpup]

Big sigh

*Still figuring out moving over from Twitter to Tumblr, but for now, I'm just gonna flush out my threads here and see how that goes...*

Anxiety dreams

I had disturbing, surreal, End Of The World, running from cops, moving through portals, being broke and homeless, anxiety dreams all morning. Woke up with my neck stiff and swollen for the second day in a row, exhausted. I took a rapid last night, came out negative, but it's hard to trust testing now with new variants. I have allergy shots in an hour, and I really don’t wanna go, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I miss it. Last time I missed a week, I suffered with extreme hives and asthma symptoms.

...

I did it

I went to the shot. Still feeling like shit. Still testing negative for c19.

I’ve been staying up late the past few nights, so I’m sure that doesn’t help. Winter is really tough on my body (and mind.) The dry air makes my skin swell up, and I get all tense and hot. I couldn't manage to wear a coat outside, even though it's 30 degrees out, because it makes it so much worse once I go inside. They keep the hospital sooo warm.

I need to get a humidifier running in my office, but this room is like 80 sq ft, so I'm concerned about where it will go, it getting knocked over, or the water getting on my computer. I have cords allll over the floor bc I have no idea how to do cord management. But yeah, my sinuses are so incredibly dry and swollen, which is causing this headache I'm sure, and probably the stiff neck.

Adderall

Enough complaining... In more interesting news, today is my first day on Adderall, 10 mg XR. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to feel anything. I was feeling shitty *before* taking it, so all those symptoms above are unrelated. Although, if this causes any similar symptoms, not sure if I'll be able to tell it apart.

I guess one thing I noticed this morning; it was less excruciating waiting the 30 minutes required to stay at the hospital after my allergy shot. Usually I set a timer, check it exasperatingly every few minutes, pacing and sighing, literally feel like I'm being tortured waiting lol. It usually feels like an hour even tho it’s only half. I have no idea if the med could be helping with that restlessness so soon, but. Worth noting I suppose.

Trauma effects everything

I met with the new psychiatrist who prescribed it on Monday. She asked all the typical intake type questions, and went over my initial survey from the ADHD assessment. Again, the ADHD assessment really was not specific to ADHD, other than the awful computer button clicking bullshit test thing they made me do.

We only talked for around 45 minutes, but she gave me her opinion that she thinks I don't have bipolar. She thinks my hypomanic symptoms and mood swings/cycling were caused by trauma. Who’s to say, really. Trauma effects everything.

I have found I don’t always fit the mold for clinical diagnoses for conditions my symptoms point to. I especially don't fit them forever. Resilience has to be taken into account; learning skills, figuring out accommodations, medication, change of life circumstance.

However, I have, and do (based on past episodes) meet the criteria for bipolar 2, whether the assessment is nuanced enough to give a "correct" answer. Of course, diagnoses are more or less a matter of opinion.

I was also diagnosed with "unspecific mood disorder" & put on mood stabilizers (bipolar meds) as a young teen.

Some of my earliest memories are of being totally overwhelmed emotionally. I remember having what I now know of as anxiety in elementary school. I was officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety at age 12.

So what is it?

That's the question I've been searching for the answer for my entire life. Wtf is wrong with me, lol. I know trauma, neurodivergence, and the way those two play off each other must be at the root of everything.

Ultimately, all these sprinkles of symptoms make up an actual person, my actual life experiences, my struggles, my disabilities. I don't think it's simple enough to just slap a diagnosis on me and call it a day.

I know SSNI medication has helped me immensely in taking all the chaotic energy inside myself, and dampening down my viciously strong emotions. Before meds, I felt totally out of control. I felt I had no control over the insanity. My mood swings and sensory overwhelm thrashed me around like I was on a broken rollercoaster, ready to fly off the tracks at any moment.

BPD

Before starting trauma work, I fit the diagnosis for borderline. Leaving an abusive relationship, learning about attachment disorders, and understanding more about being neurodivergent helped me grow into a person who could have healthy relationships, and stop hurting myself.

Graduating from a DBT program when I was 18 helped as well, but looking back, the most helpful part was being part of a community. Sharing 8 hours a week with other traumatized teens, forming bonds, being vulnerable and supporting each other. That's what helped.

We never even talked about trauma as a force of destruction. We mostly learned how to channel our thoughts and behaviors into something less visibly disruptive and damaging.

We weren't validated and told "something awful happened to you, and it wasn't your fault, and it's not your fault that it made you hate yourself so much you want to destroy yourself and everything around you." I think we really needed that. I know I still need to hear that.

Chaos

I'm 30 now, and I still am no where near having all the answers. Finding the ADHD piece of the puzzle definitely puts a lot into perspective, but I don't know if it can account for everything. I do have hopes for medicating it.

My 20's were so chaotic. I had no idea if I would survive to where I am now. That being said, I made a lot of decisions that helped me survive when I needed to, things I said I'd deal with the consequences of later, and, later has finally caught up to me.

I used spending as a coping mechanism. I channeled a lot of my chaotic energy into work over the past decade. Before my body started shutting down on me, I worked alll the time, and made decent money. I bought into the whole credit score thing, got a bunch of credit cards, and maxed them all out. Yes, having a credit history helped me get things I needed, but mental illness put me in this mindset of "I'm probably gonna die soon, so I should just get what will make me happy right now."

Knowing now that I have ADHD, so much of this makes sense. I struggle with things like feeding myself, cleaning, staying on track, completing tasks, all the executive function bullshit. So, I've driven myself into debt buying things I thought could help me "get my life together."

Can't get myself to eat enough to not trigger a mood episode? I'll just order take out or go to the cafe every day. Can't keep the house from being a total mess? I'll buy every cleaning and organizing tool imaginable that might help inspire me to bring necessary order to my surroundings. Same thing for exercising, self care, literally just existing, I always thought if I could "just" find the right solution, all my problems would disappear and I could catch up to my peers who perpetually left me in the dust.

Don't even get me started on the spending sprees I've gone on in response to depression and suicidality. Feel like dying because understimulated? Let's book a trip for me and a companion where I'll pay for everything because I want to be loved. Feel like dying because overstimulation? Let's buy things to self soothe. It's a mess.

And so, life goes on

Now, this year, when I have my head on straight, and am no longer crushed and suffocated by abuse, or distracted by partying, my health took a nose dive. I have hardly been able to work at all this year. I've always been concerned with my ill health, but now more than ever I've been forced to focus on it solely. I'm committed. The only place I go these days is to appointments; three a week: therapy, allergy injections, and acupuncture.

I so desperately want to get my life together, once and for all. I truly hope I'm on the right track. All I can do is trust this is what I'm supposed to do.

[lowwasteorbustanut]

So uhhhhhhh

Today has been a DAY! (Thursday to be exact)

Started when I woke up with a stronger than normal headache.

(I’m disabled and I experience a headache everyday. Every. Day.)

4 am Went to work

6 am became a migraine.

(Worked for 5 hours so I could leave early but not have it counted against me since I worked more than half my day.)

9am Get home.

Rest on the couch.

11:30 am Suddenly my right nostrils gets HELLA congested. Like fully blocked cannot breathe.

Boil water and breath in steam to try and break it up.

Feel my nose drain.

(Eyeball things under the cut)

Then my right eye itches. I close my eye lid and rub it with my knuckle.

Eye still kind of itchy. Leave it alone for about 15 mins.

11:45 am I go to the bathroom because my eye really hurts and my vision is funky?

See this:

Am HORRIFIED!

FYI those are NOT tears in my eye. It’s a weird gooey gelatinous film.

Drive myself to urgent care (7mins away)

12pm get to urgent care and get checked in. As I am literally taking a seat in the waiting room I am IMMEDIATELY called back.

(Uh oh that’s not good)

Answer intake questions. Do a vision test. My right eye vision is blurry and hard to see.

12:30 pm doctor comes in. Grabs my face (gently) says oh no this is an extreme allergic reaction.

What? I have no extreme allergies!

She says I do now. That the gooey stuff is actually the WHITES OF MY EYES FILLING WITH LIQUID! That my eye is no longer an orb and is now a gooey mess.

This is what she saw:

Notice how my pupil is off center/no longer a circle? Because the shape of my eye was no longer stable. And note the swelling. And the hives around both eyes. At this point my left eye was starting the same process.

Immediately get prescribed oral steroids and antibiotic eye drops (just in case it was some kind of infection).

Get an urgent referral to an optometrist. Am told I need to see someone TODAY and it is in fact an emergency.

(My coping mechanism is humor.)

Make the joke “but it’s not like I’m gonna lose my eye right?!” Giggle.

Doctor makes direct and prolonged eye contact. “I don’t know. That’s why you need to see the optometrist.”

Now I’m super freaked out.

12:45 pm Get my drugs. Call my friend to drive me to the eye appointment I made. Only opening was a town away-about 30 min drive.

Now I’m feeling a lot of pressure/pain in my right eye. Can’t keep it open.

Left eye vision is starting to get blurry.

2:30pm get to appointment. Intake.

3pm see doctor. Am told it’s a horrific allergic reaction not an infection. Get prescribed steroid eye drops on top of oral steroid and antibiotic drops.

Am told to use both eye drops. Because while it’s highly likely just an allergic reaction, the antibiotics won’t hurt just in case.

Get STRICT instruction to not touch my face/eyes for 48 hours. If my eye doesn’t start to improve by Friday afternoon, get another appointment that day. Get told I’ll be fit-in no matter what. If it starts to improve but is not almost 100% by Monday get another appointment that day. If all looks/feels good go to follow up on Wednesday.

Get a doctors note for work on Friday, because there is no way I can go in.

I have since done another full round of each eye drop. Eye now looks like this:

Looks much better! Hives are going away. Eye is more stable/less gelatinous. Vision is improving. But it still feels swollen and difficult to open.

Now it’s crusty, but I can’t touch it. And no hot water. Cold/cool water only.

Both eyes are still red but improving.

——

Anyway I did not know that you can have such a severe allergic reaction that literal parts of your eyes fill with fluid and ruin your vision. And the shape of your eye. It’s been a shitty day, but at least I still have my eyes.

And my migraine.

[miraridoctor]

The abrupt appearance of red, swollen, itchy skin wheals characterizes urticaria, commonly known as hives or nettle rash. It may occur spontaneously or result from various triggers like infections, foods, medications or physical factors. Typically ac... #Mirari #MirariDoctor #MirariColdPlasma #ColdPlasma

[waterfiltergurus]

Understanding Aquagenic Urticaria: The Rare Water Allergy

Everyone knows that water is essential for all life. Now, imagine having a condition where this life-sustaining substance triggers an allergic reaction. This is an extremely rare water allergy called Aquagenic Urticaria. This condition, though uncommon, leads to an allergic reaction upon contact with water, regardless of temperature. In this blog post, we will discuss Aquagenic Urticaria, exploring its symptoms, causes, diagnosis, as well as possible treatment options. 📌 Key Takeaways - Aquagenic urticaria is a very rare form of hives that is triggered by exposure to water. - The cause of this condition is unknown. - It can be managed through different oral and topical medications. 🤔 What is Aquagenic Urticaria? Aquagenic urticaria is an extremely rare form of urticaria AKA hives. Essentially when your body comes into contact with water you develop hives or a rash. This allergy is so rare there have been less than 100 reported cases. While there is a higher prevalence of diagnosis among females, the typical age of onset is around puberty. Some cases of aquagenic urticaria have been familial, suggesting there may be a genetic component as well. However, most reported cases are sporadic. 📝 Symptoms Within 20 to 30 minutes of exposure to water, this condition leads to hives or a rash typically located on your arms, chest and trunk, while the palms of your hands and soles of your feet are usually spared. Hives or "wheals" are typically 1-3mm in size. The wheals usually resolve on their own within 30-120 minutes after no longer having contact with water. Alongside the wheals, the allergic reaction may be accompanied by a burning sensation, itching or swelling In some cases, even drinking water can result in swollen lips or a rash around the mouth. Very rarely, in severe cases some individuals may have shortness of breath or wheezing. 🩺 Diagnosis of aquagenic urticaria A medical doctor is responsible for diagnosis of this condition and may suspect it if someone has a history of hives after skin contact with water. Given the rareness of this condition it is important that the doctor rule out other causes of urticaria (hives). There are several forms of urticaria that have similar signs and symptoms to aquagenic urticaria so it's important that these are also considered as a possible diagnosis. Once all other causes of urticaria are excluded, how is aquagenic urticaria diagnosed? In order to diagnose the condition, a patient must undergo a water challenge test AKA as a water provocation test. The water challenge test requires applying water to a cloth, applying the cloth to the patient's upper trunk for 30 minutes, and assessing the patient's skin for a hive-like reaction. ❗️ Causes While experts have hypothesized the pathogenesis of aquagenic urticaria, the exact cause of this allergy is not well understood. One of the hypotheses suggest that the itchy hives are formed because the water might be reacting with unknown components in the skin causing a histamine release from mast cells AKA allergy cells. However, it is not clear at this time why the histamine is released. Aquagenic urticaria can be triggered regardless of temperature, saltiness or pH. For example, even an individual's own sweat and tears could trigger the hives. In general, any water exposure triggers the hives. 💊 Treatment Options Obviously, it is not feasible to avoid water completely even if you suffer from aquagenic urticaria. This is because even though you may have the condition or water allergy, your body still needs water to survive. Therefore, the main goal of treatment is to minimize or prevent symptoms induced by water exposure. Medications One of the main forms of treatment is to take a second generation antihistamine prophylactically. This means you take the medication before you have symptoms in order to prevent the onset of symptoms. Examples of this medication include Zyrtec or Claritin, which are non-sedating. These types of medications are meant to prevent your allergy symptoms. There are some that may not improve with this type of antihistamine, so a medical doctor may recommend Xolair to prevent any flare ups from occurring. Therapies Some may benefit from phototherapy, which is a therapy to treat certain skin disorders. Essentially, it thickens the wall of the skin to prevent water from getting underneath the skin. It also helps to reduce the allergy cell activity. Topical Treatments Some topical treatments or topical medications like petrolatum can be beneficial because they prevent water penetration into the skin. Hypothetically, if the medication could reduce water penetration, symptoms may be less likely to occur. 🩹 Coping Strategies If you suffer from chronic urticaria (regardless if it's aquagenic urticaria) and have a flare up you may find relief with the following suggestions: - If you have aquagenic uritcaria try to dry your skin as soon as possible after exposure - Wear loose clothing so that it doesn't rub on your hives - Prevent yourself from getting too cold or hot - Use calamine lotion or other anti-itch lotions Limit Exposure Of course, one of the easiest ways to minimize your symptoms is to limit your exposure to water. However, it is not reasonable to completely avoid water since it is necessary to maintain hygiene and consume water for hydration purposes. There are some simple ways to limit your exposure though. This may require you to shower less frequently or wear gloves when washing dishes for example. 📑 Conclusion Since this is a rare condition, there is not much research on aquagenic urticaria. There are certainly many diagnostic and management challenges with this allergy because it often has the same symptoms of other allergies. Not only that, but it is unclear what exactly causes this allergy and we also do not know if aquagenic urticaria ever resolves on its own. As mentioned, this is a very rare condition so it's very unlikely that you have this particular allergy. But, if you are experiencing any allergy-like symptoms mentioned in this article, be sure to consult with your medical doctor for diagnosis and treatment. Continue reading: - Tips for Managing and Preventing Uncontrollable Itching After Showering - Is Your Well Water to Blame? Investigating Its Effects on Skin Health and Itchy Rashes - The Top 5 Effects of Hard Water and How to Safeguard Your Skin ❔ Frequently Asked Questions How Do You Get Rid of Aquagenic Urticaria? It is unclear what causes aquagenic urticaria so therefore it is difficult to get rid of the condition. In fact, it is not known if this allergy resolves on its own or if it resolves at all. However, the allergy can be managed through antihistamine medications and different topical treatments. Can You Shower if You Have Aquagenic Urticaria? It would be unreasonable to avoid water altogether with this allergy. This is because it is essential for life and you do need to maintain hygiene. However, if you happen to have this very rare condition it would be recommended to limit your water exposure by avoiding where or when you can. For example, you may still shower but maybe you shower less frequently or for shorter periods of time. What Causes Aquagenic Hives? Currently, it is unclear what causes aquagenic urticaria. There are some hypotheses discussed in the article above, however a cause of the histamine release has not been identified yet. Read the full article

[starry-hughes]

ahh the benadryl sleep is so good when i had an allergic reaction and i had hives and my fingers were swollen i was literally like fighting sleep walking around the mall after going to the hospital

-😶‍🌫️

i have nightmares when i have benadryl and i always wake up extremely groggy. so im not a big fan of it but it works for times like these

[642stories]

Story #66 "You are what you eat"

A cliche that sounds like a broken record. Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but yes, you are. 

I’ll have to go back here to explain my point. In 2014 I was diagnosed with Cholinergic Urticaria (CU). CU is a reaction of your skin to an increase in your body temperature, resulting in tiny hives. They are itchy, swollen, and they cover you from head to toe, lasting from thirty minutes to two hours. I typically got them when I exercised, was extremely stressed or while taking a hot shower.

There’s no documented cure from CU. You just have to learn how to live with it. And I did.

In February 2023, after another regular run on a treadmill, I noticed that my skin was totally fine. No red itchy bumps closing together, nothing. For the first time in almost a decade, my skin was clean. To say I was surprised would be an understatement out of proportion. I thought that NOT having my body FAILED me, was a FAILURE in itself.

Over the following days I tested it with vigorous workouts, hot baths and sauna visits. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Now, four months later, I finally believe it. 

Do I know why it’s gone? I don’t. Do I believe that my immune system rebooted and my diet was a big part of it? Yes, I do. 

It dates back to my adolescent years when I started modeling. First, it was about trying to follow the elusive 90-60-90 standard, then about fighting acne off my skin and gastritis off my stomach. Today, I allow myself to have cheat meals and late-night snacks here and there, but what you MOSTLY won’t find in my diet is

🦋gluten 

🦋sugar

🦋red meat 

🦋dairy 

🦋tea 

Over the years things like checking the labels in a supermarket and having veggies and fruit in abundance at home have become my second nature. Whether it’s a curse or a blessing, I’m totally obsessed with what’s on my plate.

I’m a great believer in the theory that our body is capable of curing itself once you create the conditions for that. So, if there’s something to cure and you’re considering where to start, start with what’s on your plate. As simple as that. Your problems might not disappear overnight, but, little by little, they’re bound to get better.

[feitanswife]

This week on Incredibly Obscure problems:

I forgot that I’m literally allergic to the cold so I hand washed my work apron + masks without letting the water rise to room temperature first and now my hands are covered in hives and are swollen and stiff and I have to go to work in a couple hours!

At least my case is very minor, it only happens when I’m exposed to extreme cold (water straight out of winter pipes) or moderate cold for a long period (snowmobiling without wearing enough layers, usually gets my thighs/chin) and they go away within an hour.

But like FUCK that hurt. How do I keep forgetting that that happens????

[cieranshippy]

INSECT DISEASE RESEARCH

Within this research, I will be looking in depth, any insect that is very known from having a disease that they spread around, to not just help me with describing and creating my creature's disease and venom, to come with it to show how evil and deadly that it is. So, within each insect that I will look into I will deep dive into each one, gather the Information and understanding on what makes them deadly and what issues they cause, bit at a time and then go into complete depth on my disease / venom for my creature to help me out, to present my work.

BOT FLIES

Bot flies are flies that lay parasitic larval inside mammals, including humans. The disease is called Myiasis, or Dermatobia hominis, where a huge red mark is around the skin, untreated these maggots will leave on their own which will be a very painful experience as they have spikes, which they use to claw their way out of your skin and system.

TSETSE FLY

This fly is in the sub-Saharan -Africa, where it causes issues among mammals and farm animals, being known to ruin and stop farm mixing. The disease it carries is African trypanosomiasis, or in other words "sleeping sickness"

Effects of the diesease

Fever, severe headaches, irritability, extreme fatique, swollen lymph nodes, and ching muscles and joints.

MOSQUITOES

These flying wasp dragon fly like insects are very known for sucking your blood and giving you "it's very big bag of disease"

Such as

west nile virus: What's deadly about this virus is that you do not develop any symptoms, in some people however you get rashes, body aches, headaches, vomiting, diarrheal, joint paints.

chikungunya virus: Infected some will feel these symptoms, which begins in about 3 to 7 days after an infected mosquito bites your arm, the symptoms are similar to the West Nile virus.

dangue: Nausea, vomiting, rash, aches and pains, eye pain, muscle pain and bone pain

malaria: Apart from the others this one is the worse of them all. Flue like illness, shaking chills, headaches, muscle aches, tiredness, nausea, vomiting, diarrheal. What also can happen is anemia and jaundice, yellow colouring of the skin and eyes, because loss of red blood cells which can be deadly.

Anemia: Tiredness, lack of energy, shortness of breath, pale skin, heart palpitations.

Jaundice: fever, chills, abdominal pain, flu like symptoms, change in skin colour, dakr coloured urine and clay coloured stool.

After looking at these disease filthy creatures I began using the info that I looked into and began making my own disease / venom

DISEASE / VENOM FOR MY CREATURE

The venom researched by some scientist, has been significant in this strange world of creatures and wonders. The venom is similar to the giant "worm spiders" that inhabit the deep and harsh forests not touched by the residents of these fields of sand. The venom is simple to understand.

General structure

The venom is a dark pinkie green, with little spots of yellow and tiny grey lines, like worms, the venom has 3 significantly small extra venom sacks within the goop, these venom sacks work together to slow down and hurt the prey before death.

The first is a mixture of a similar disease back on earth "tape worm" disease, however this disease is "very" rare to happen when the venom is injected but please be lucky that you don't get as, these "tape worms" grow to about 6 metres within bodies of infected hosts, then it basically become that host, mind controlling what's left of them to find a location, so it can use the empty body suit as a strange egg, to hatch out slither away to live its life and die.

The second is a new unknown disease that forces you to sleep, as your body slowly destroys itself until the body is dead and free to be eaten by other animals which of course spreads the disease (slowly)

The third is like the flu, but the flu for the heart, as what it does is that it weakens the heart so much, that it basically becomes the heart then becomes a hive brain, which then creates littles nests of itself until you are eaten along with the disease.

My creature is a deliciouse and wonder of a snack to bite into, however there are roumours that it is being used or poorly packed to kill spacific people. "Like someone named venoquines..."