#but every time i re-read it i'm so engrossed

[doctorweebmd]

*80% drunk re-reading battle of the bands on the porn chapters* wow this bitch knows what she's talking about

[dandandanny]

So my obsession with Heartstopper goes beyond the Netflix show.

Yes, I was introduced to Heartstopper because of the show, but since then I have read these books so many bloody times. I never seem to get bored of them.

My appreciation for this creation grows more and more every single day.

I have just ordered all of Alice Oseman's other books too. I have heard great things about them, and I can not wait to get fully engrossed into the Osemanverse.

I may need to re-watch the show again... I'm not a fan of odd numbers, so need to get to 18 times.

Again, thank you Alice Oseman for your incredibly groundbreaking creations.

[onyourstageleft]

a love letter to my favorite YA lit:

I'm relistening to the Beka Cooper audio books again (a yearly tradition at this point) and every time I hear the opening line of Mastiff, "We buried Holborn today," it takes me back to opening the e-book on my Nook the day it was released in my freshman year of high school and reading that line while sitting on the bleachers waiting for PE to start. I remember flipping back to the previous page to make sure this was the first chapter, thinking I'd never even heard of Holborn. I opened the Bloodhound e-book to compare the dates of her entries and realized the time skip was nearly two years, and got so excited to see what happened to Beka while we weren't with her. We walked the track that overcast day of PE in 2011 and I barely looked up from my Nook, so engrossed was I in Beka's story

that was the first Tamora Pierce book release I waited on; I found her books in probably 2009 and had read most of them by the summer of 2011. I pre-ordered Mastiff so it would be on my Nook as soon as it came out, but I was a freshman in high school and wasn't supposed to stay up till midnight, so I had to wait until the day to read it. it was nearly 13 years (and half my life ago) but here I am, still re-reading and re-listening to the Tamora Pierce books that got me through being a teenager. I remember sitting in my high school's library rereading their copy of Wild Magic over my lunch break to pass the time; drunk crying on the floor of my friend's dorm at a character's death in Terrier my freshman year of college (even though I'd read it 3 or 4 times at that point I always forgot); waiting in the lobby of the technology building of my college campus for my class to start with Spy's Guide on my lap after its release; sitting in my advisor's office in grad school flipping through Mastiff and Page and Lioness Rampant for quotes to include in my thesis; rereading Briar's book at the height of the pandemic. I have a tattoo of Lighting on my arm and a (very rough and needs to be redone) tattoo of Pounce/Faithful on my calf and I genuinely don't think a day has gone by in over a decade where I haven't thought about Tamora Pierce books

the world of Tortall (and Emelan, to a lesser extent) has shaped me, and although this is an attempt to pin it down, I will never be able to explain how much these books mean to me. I know that I may love other series and worlds (I'm currently reading some Terry Pratchett, for example), but they will never make an impact on me in the same way that Tortall and all its various characters has, and that's fine by me

and yet, through all of it, I will never, ever be ready for The Thing We Don't Talk About in Mastiff, not now at a dozen rereads and not in another 13 years

[slyandthefamilybook]

Noah's Spring Jewish Book Review

this isn't gonna become a regular thing, don't worry. I just need to gush some about these books. I'm gonna keep the reviews short too because who's got that kind of time!

So far I've read 4 Jewish novels this spring and I'm working on a fifth. We'll go in chronological order

1. Thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott

~ Two estranged siblings, Isaac and Bellatine Yaga—the grandchildren of the famous Baba Yaga—inherit their ancestor's chicken-footed house. They travel the country putting on puppet shows and exploring their own mysterious abilities, all the while trying to escape from a threatening figure known only as the Longshadow Man, as well as their own pasts. History relives itself in a book filled with magic and mystery ~

This book was so damn good. Every other sentence is tattoo-worthy and hits you like a sack of bricks. The characters feel so real and raw while also managing to fill out their respective roles with a sense of poetry. The book has a supporting cast of memorable characters and a sense of real danger throughout. Every so often the house will interject in a way that reminds me so much of my bubbe (עליה השלום). I've read reviews that said it dragged on a bit in the second act but I was enraptured the entire way through. It's also pretty gay, which I always appreciate. 10/10

2. When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb

~ An angle and a demon—best friends for 200 years—set out from their tiny Pale shtetl to America in search of a girl who hasn't been heard from. They're accompanied by Rosie, a spunky and fire-spirited girl from their shtetl desperate to get away and have an adventure in the far-off West ~

No book has made me feel quite so seen as this one. As someone who grew up Orthodox there's virtually no representation for people like me. The majority of Orthodox characters in media are trying to get away. None of them love it quite so much as I do, as much as the characters in this book do. From Little Ash tucking his peyot behind his ears like my older brothers used to to the angel waking up to daven shacharit. Sacha Lamb takes the brave stance of "what if Jewish theology is real, actually" and it shines on every page. The writing effortlessly intertwines spirituality and reverence with a classic Yiddish folktale. It's also pretty gay. 10/10

3. From Dust, a Flame by Rebecca Podos

Hannah, the descendant of the famed Rabbi Yehuda Loew, wakes up one morning to find herself transformed, her eyes turning to yellow slits. Her mother seems to blame herself without explaining why, and soon after disappears. After receiving a mysterious letter, Hannah and her adopted brother Gabe travel to upstate New York to meet their mother's family, to learn the secrets of her past, and of their own lineage ~

I'll start off by saying I'm not sure if I was the target audience for this book. It was good, don't get me wrong, but the writing wasn't to my taste. It was a little... blatant, where I prefer prose to be a bit more subtle. Again, nothing wrong with it, just not my particular thing. I definitely relate to Hannah and Gabe a lot, each in their own way. A lot of the book felt very comforting and familiar to me. The book is equal parts supernatural action and intriguing mystery, and keeps you engrossed til the end. It's also Extremely Gay 7/10

4. The Way Out by Gavriel Savit

~ Yehuda Leib and Bluma set out from their tiny Pale shtetl, each on a mission of the utmost importance. Yehuda Leib is looking for his lost father, and Bluma is running from Death. Navigating the Far Country full of demons, goblins, and angels, the pair fight their way through history and mystery alike, and prepare to make war on Death himself ~

This book. Oh boy this book. Where do I start? This book made me cry several times, which hasn't happened in over 15 years. This book said everything about death I've been feeling since my bubbe passed away (עליה השלום). This book genuinely made me re-think how I view G-d? All that and more in less than 400 pages. This book harmonized with my soul. This book changed who I am as a person. This book made me crumble to dust and then built me back up from scratch. 10/10

[stonedstargazer666]

What if stoned iii edging

Ok so reading this, my first immediate thought was III getting YOU high, and edging/teasing you. Hear me out here... That's right you know what time it isssss!

this one took a lot longer and i'm sorry. but rest assured I was very much stoned while writing this. hope you enjoy the word vom.

TW for this one: use of a drug (Weed), knife, blood, cutting into skin with said knife. not sure what else lemme know

banner by @arminsumi bottom banner by @xxbimbobunnyxx

It would started off as usual, the two of you lounging on his bed. Both of you shirtless, cause it was just the two of you. Watching TV, "Passing" a joint back and forth. He's not smoking at all, he just takes the joint for a moment then passes it back. You're too engrossed in the movie to even pay attention. You start feeling a pleasant heavy feeling, tapping out of the session. III encourages you to take a few more hits, which you do. Cause why not?

So you do, III can see how blood shot your eyes are. The small ever present smile that graces your features whenever you get stoned, the familiar glaze your eyes get when you start getting horny. Yeah, he knows you inside and out. A little touch, a gentle graze of his fingers is enough to pull a soft whine from you. He plays it dumb, whispering in your ear. Asking if you're ok, all the while trailing his fingers up and down your arm. He smirks while you try playing it off, trying to act like nothing is wrong. He knows you better though, and he can feel every little shudder and twitch as you start responding to his touch.

He mentions wanting to try something, his voice low, conspiratorial. The timbre of his voice vibrating through your body. Lighting every nerve aflame, suddenly his touch feels heavy against your arm, his palm almost too hot against your skin. Then it's gone, leaving you cold and slightly disoriented. Your head spins as you look back at your lover, seeing him put in eye drops.

His typical routine while smoking, you had no clue he was completely sober. So sober, that it almost hurt to be around you. You miss the way III takes a breath to steady himself, and you definitely miss the way his eyes rake over your form. He tells you to lay fully on your back, sweetly but still with an air of command. Of course you comply, your head too fuzzy not too. Not when his voice bounces in your hazy mind, making you feel warm and safe.

You have your eyes closed, relaxing into the mattress. you can feel his gaze on you, causing a shiver to run down your spine. It felt like he was almost studying you, but again this was a normal occurrence. Sometimes III would get so baked with you that he would just zone out for a little bit, he'd usually snap out of it after a few minutes and then would be really touchy.

But with your eyes closed, you don't see the methodical look in the bassists eyes. III slowly reaches over to his nightstand, his icy calculating gaze never leaving your body. His fingers curl around the (slightly) dulled pocket knife there, his deft fingers flicking it open. The sharp metallic click seems to echo in the room, III is quick to cover your eyes when he sees them fluttering.

He coaxes you to relax for him, placing the knife on your stomach. Relishing in the way you shudder, and relax under him. III keeps you pressed against the bed, he tells you that he's not going to restrain you this time. Much to your dismay, you jut your bottom lip out in a pout. But he smooths it with his thumb, his voice seeping into your bones as he whispers into your ear. Explaining to you that he wanted to try a different type of teasing this time.

The idea of a different kind of teasing ignites a molten feeling in your core, III's hand still covering your eyes, the knife perfectly balanced on the slight pudge of your stomach. He tells you to be a good pet, and stay still and keep those pretty eyes shut. you nod, a small whimper escaping your throat. Causing the man you love to chuckle darkly at your response, his free hand gently stroking your hip. He's amused by how eager you seem to be for this new type of teasing.

As he speaks, he leans closer to your ear, his breath hot against your sensitive skin. He tells you that tonight, instead of restraining you physically, he wants to challenge you mentally. He wants to see how well you can stay still for him, his low voice sends your stomach into a frenzy. You can't help the shuddering gasp that comes out, as he starts tracing intricate patterns onto your skin with the tip of the blade. Each swipe of the knife creates delicate lines that catch the light in different ways, casting shadows across the exposed flesh.

You can feel the familiar heat of arousal pooling in your stomach, the fresh sting from the blade heavy on your mind. You fist at the bed sheets in an attempt to ground yourself from the already overwhelming sensation, and the high you're feeling. Which seems more intense, but you don't have time to dwell on the thought. Because you feel the hot, wet muscle of III's tongue against the shallow cuts. His feverish groans send tidal waves of heat to your core.

III feels your hips bucking, and smirks against your heated skin. He can feel your heated gaze on him, he knows that he could get you close just by this, your beautiful hazy gaze meets his. He sees the exact second your pupils fully dilate, he sets the knife gently on your chest. your breath hitching at the cool weight. As the knife is placed gently onto your chest, your reaction sends a thrill of pleasure shooting straight to his groin. He knows he has hit on something incredibly erotic, watching the way your eyes seem to dance with desire, and your mouth parting slightly in anticipation. Your hips buck involuntarily as he pulls back, revealing his red-stained tongue and the fervor of his desire.

He runs a finger along one of the thin cuts before he speaks, his voice hoarse and gravelly. He tells you that he loves it when you let him take control, that he loves when you look at him with those wild, yet vulnerable eyes. Your gaze follows him, as he pushes your legs open. Slotting himself perfectly between your thighs, your heart flutters. The dim light behind him framing his lithe frame, you desperately want to reach up to touch him. Your fingers twitch at the thought of running your hands down his torso, or clawing his back until his blood is under your nails. But you vaguely remember that you're supposed to be good, and stay still for your partner.

Said partner can see every nuance look, and flicker of your eyes. He can see the mental battle you are having, and he loves it. He slowly starts grinding against you, smiling devilishly at the small cry that comes from you. You are already so sensitive, and he's barely done anything. III slows his movements, until he stops completely. Keeping himself firmly pressed against your aching arousal, reaching for the knife. III doesn't know how much longer he can control himself, not when you're laying so still and being so good for him. He trails the tip of it over your nipple, down your stomach. With every twitch that courses through you, the blade nicks you. Leaving a dotted crimson line down to your thigh, III stops in the middle of your thigh. The sharp tip digging into the plush flesh, he can see the pleading look in your eyes.

He can feel your body already pulled tight. aching for release. Much like his, it takes everything in him not to shake. Not to completely take you, he turns his focus to your thigh. The two of you have talked about him carving his name into your thigh multiple times, so many times he can see it perfectly in his minds eye. He looks up at you, pressing just slightly harder before letting up tentatively. He sees the answer in your eyes, and on your lips. You give him a breathy yes, and he gets to work. Dutifully carving his name into your thigh, making quick work as to not cause too much pain. But just enough to keep you needy, and trembling beneath him.

He can tell from your moans, and gasps that you're close to your limit. He can feel you throbbing against him, so he pulls away completely once he's done carving your thigh. His mouth waters at the sinful whimpers, and begging coming from you. He leans down to lap at the small trail of blood running down the inside of your quivering thigh. Choosing to ignore your pleas for him, and his need for you. He presses his tongue flat against the fresh cuts, groaning heavily at the metallic and slightly salty taste. Your hips buck involuntarily, getting no friction. You groan in frustration, feeling the knot in your stomach loosen. His gaze locking onto yours, the look in his eyes sending a violent shiver down your spine. Vaguely realizing that he looked completely sober, but the thought vanished as III wraps his hand around your throat.

Your body instantly melting against the weight, little whimpers falling from your lips as he bites his way up. Leaving small already forming bruises, in his wake. His hand moves from around your throat to grasping the back of your neck. Angling your head back, baring the soft flesh of your throat to his mouth. He finally decides to reveal his plan to you, telling you that he's going to see how far he push you, before you break and beg him to make you come undone beneath him. He groans into your neck as he sinks his teeth in breaking the skin, nearly coming in his pants at the cry you let out. Your body convulsing as you climax nearly untouched. He coos at you, lazily dragging his tongue over the bite.

"It's ok baby, we can try again." His knuckles running up and down the length of your now dripping pulsing arousal.

[familyvideostevie]

omg can I please request a steve blurb with the barista meet cute?! like a customer/customer sort of deal?? I am literally obsessed with that list that you just put out!

ah! this list! i like that list, too <3 thank you for allowing me to write you something from it! | meet cute, 1k

The first time you see him you think he's cute. And like every other cute guy you've seen in passing in your life, you sigh and wish you were the kind of person who flirts with strangers.

But then again, who really wants to be bothered in line at the cafe? So you don't say anything to him, though you do stand next to him while you wait for your coffee. Just for fun. He's boyishly handsome, though you expect that he's around your age, probably off to a job or higher education of some kind after this. Long lashes and a few freckles and moles on his neck, hands tucked into jeans as he rocks back and forth on his heels. You can't believe you've never seen him before. But if you had you know you'd remember.

"Steve!" the barista calls, setting down a cup on the bar. The guy steps forward with a smile and a thank you -- nice voice too, you think. He doesn't really look like a Steve. Maybe a Tommy or a John. When he turns around he makes eyes contact with you and gives you the stranger-to-stranger smile before heading for the door. He's got nice eyes, too. Damn. Have a nice life, Steve.

But then you see him again.

This time, you're there first, already waiting for your drink when he stands near you. He's in blue work pants and a yellow sweater and he looks how you feel: tired beyond belief. It's one of those days when the barista is calling orders and not names, so you're trying to pay attention. When they call your order, you step forward for it, but so does Steve. Your hands brush in front of the cup and he jerks back.

"Oh," he says, shaking his head a bit as if to bring himself back to the present. "Sorry."

"I, uh," you say. "I think this is mine?" He takes a step back and grins ruefully, cheeks a little pink.

"Yeah, yeah, of course," he says. "You were here first."

You duck your head and grab the cup. "Thanks," you say, softly. "Good taste, though!" He looks a little surprised at your attempt at levity before he laughs.

"You too," he says. You raise your cup a little and hurry towards the door.

After that, you keep an eye out for Steve. Sure, you spoke once and you were awkward, but he was cute and it's nice to look forward to the little things, right? But you don't see him for a few weeks. Maybe he found a new shop, or maybe he decided to stop drinking coffee.

It's a pretty busy day at the cafe but you've snagged yourself a small table in a corner to read and sip your drink. It started pouring just after you arrived, so you figure you'll stay for a while rather than get soaked running for your car. You're pretty engrossed in your book, the noise of the shop a buzz in the background, until you realize someone is standing fairly close to you. You look up and it's Steve.

"Hi," he says. His hair is practically dripping wet and he's got a soaked jacket in one hand and a drink cup in another. "Can I sit with you? Till the rain lets up?"

You'd probably say yes to anyone who asked, but you're a little quick on the jump, since it's Steve. The mystery cute guy you've seen...twice.

"Totally," you say. He looks very grateful and sits across from you, draping his dripping jacket across the back of his chair.

"Do you have our usual?" he says, pointing to your cup. You laugh a little. Our usual, you think.

"I do," you tell him. "Do you?" He shakes his head.

"Trying to cut back on the caffeine." He looks at his cup like it's personally wronged him. "Just hot chocolate for me today."

"Ah," you say, taking a sip of your drink. "Tough choice."

He sighs dramatically, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiles. "I'm Steve, by the way." He holds up his hot chocolate cup and points to his name written in the hurried hand of the barista. It's a dorky move and he seems to realize it when he quickly sets it back down on the table and rubs the back of his neck.

You copy his movements, pointing to your own cup. Steve says yiour name out loud, nodding like he's committing it to memory. "Well, don't let me bother you," he says, eyeing your book. "Thanks for letting me sit here."

"Oh, you're not bothering me," you say. You dog-ear your page and close it. "It was getting a little slow anyway." His eyebrows raise. "Well, the big thing has already happened, but the main character --" You launch into an explanation about the importance of a compelling recovery from the climax of the plot before you realize it. Steve just watches, mouth curled up at one corner as he slips his drink.

"Sorry," you say, after a few minutes. "You didn't ask to hear me ramble about a book."

"No, no, by all means, keep rambling." You wonder what he'd do if you died of embarrassment right here, at this table.

"Are you a reader?" you ask, face a little hot. He shakes his head.

"No, not really. But that book sounds interesting the way you tell it." You laugh a little, glad he's nice enough not to make fun of you. It would be a real bummer if your coffee shop crush was an asshole. He looks pleased with himself that he's made you laugh. You look out the window and he follows your gaze, now frowning at the continuing deluge.

"Doesn't look like it's going to let up soon," you say softly. You look back at Steve and find that he's already looking at you.

"Well, keep telling me about this unsatisfying main dude," he says. He leans forward in his seat, looking genuinely interested.

"Okay," you say. "But don't forget that you asked for this, Steve." It's the first time you've said his name and you notice that his mouth twitches as you do.

"Somehow I don't think I'll regret it." Your stomach flutters and you roll your eyes but can't hide your smile. The cute guy from the coffee shop is flirting with you. This is better than any book you've ever read.

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, masterlist here!

[mywritingonlyfans]

can you say something about Alex liking to give gifts to the reader based on things that remind him of reader while he's away?

oh I have one that came to mind!

I'm certain that Alex is an avid reader with book collections, even though he might take his time getting through them. He's probably one of those people who, if he had a bookshelf with 20 books, would have read only 3 but would still keep buying new ones and starting a fresh read. I believe that, somewhere amidst romantic novels, or maybe not even necessarily romantic ones, he would come across sentences that remind him of you or encounter characters who resemble you in some way.

Then, you'd experience the exciting feeling of seeing him talk lovely about the book, clearly engrossed in the story, and you'd decide that when he finishes reading it, you would too. As a result, he started making pencil notes in the book, highlighting sentences he loved and why, as well as things he knew you would appreciate and things that struck a chord with him deeply enough to remind him of you. This way, you could understand how he felt about every inch of the reading.

I can picture this scenario when he's on tour, reading about 3 books while being away from you, never failing to make as many annotations as possible. So when he returns home to you, you could read them and have the knowledge that you never left his mind for a single second. This would be heartwarming and meaningful, far more significant than a simple verbalization of the phrase "I missed you."

Certainly, you would start doing the same, and then it would be his turn to feel somewhat silly reading your notes after you've read a romance in which you swore the protagonist was as captivating as he was (jealousy would definitely be present in him for that).

Or perhaps you'd read together, waking up earlier than usual due to insomnia but still feeling lazy. You'd snuggle up against his chest, half sitting and half lying down, turning the pages together as he planted kisses on your forehead.

Or maybe he'd read to you, exaggerating accents and changing his voice to differentiate characters, or simply being himself, mesmerizing you with his husky, well-articulated, and serene voice with deep spaces between some words.

(In my mind, this would be even better if it were Professor Alex. Just imagine the bond of growing through this shared experience. Getting to know him through common readings and characters you both love and relate to. Every 15 days, he'd have a new book for you, and after class, he'd hand it over, asking if you liked the previous one. Then, you'd spend hours discussing the book and his annotations after class. You'd certainly leave your own notes, and Alex would be delighted to read them later. He wouldn't miss the chance to tell you how intelligent he thought you were just to get your cheeks hot and your hands sweaty (and how well you were doing in his class as well), and seeing your goofy smile and sweet lips licking when he said things like "you're such a good student" in his most blatant husky accent that would make you very happy. And yes, you'd fall in love through this.)

P.S. I think he would do this with albums, flowers, or anything else that reminded him of you. Even if just a, "'re, I thought you'd like this coffee I got at the new place I just saw."

[kylorengarbagedump]

Just wanted to let you know that i'm probably at my fifth re-read of Fix your attitude + defy your authority. Seriously, it's one of my favourite things i've ever read, not only fanfiction but just in general and it hits the spot every single time!

Your writing is incredible and your characterization of both Kylo and the new characters (including the reader insert) are incredibly well done, even the reader insert is both easy to relate to and insert ourselves into the story while still having such a fun personality. I'm so glad I found your writing and I never get tired of that story <3

I originally came for a smutty fanfiction but found the actual plot and development of the story to be so captivating and engrossing that now it's definitely why I re-read! And I love how well it meshes with the events of the first film, like I could watch TFA and in my head follow along the events of the fanfic and know where my character would be at a point in the story.

Anyways. Thank you so much for sharing your writing and your Kylo obsession with the Internet <3 <3

WOW fifth - that's insane! I'm so happy you've enjoyed my works. And I'm glad you enjoy the Reader character - it was always my goal to make her flawed but I know she can be a divisive personality. That's fine! So am I. Hahaha.

So truly glad you enjoy what I've written, even though it's over 8 years old now (whoa!!). Your kind words are still SO appreciated and still very meaningful to me. <3

[pilot-doodles]

HELLO! I was tagged in this "Get to Know me" thing. wazzup. thanks, @alyxtried

Last Song - Blood Upon the Snow- Hozier, Bear McCreary

The song fits some of my OCs super well, I keep putting that song on in the car and get really lost in it. It's one of those songs that if given the right time to sit and listen, will give me full body chills. today was one of those days!

Currently Watching - Star Wars Rebels (Season 2)

I can't shut up about Star Wars ever and because I am fun and love live My favorite animated series is Rebels. I wanted to show it to my roommate. Every time I re-watch it I notice more and more. I'm also watching Ashoka so It is nice to see the parallels. and GOD i love Hera Syndulla so much.

Currently Reading - Burning Chrome- William Gibson

Reading is SUUUUPER hard for me for some reason, so I find myself picking up and putting books down often. I rarely get so engrossed in a book that I finish it, but that's why Burning Chrome works for me. it's a scify anthology/short story comp that I can pick up and put away whenever I want. the few books I strongly recommend are Piranesi and the Winternight Trilogy!

Current Obsession - (Still) Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Baldur's gate 3

before I go back on my Star Wars bullshit, I'm still playing BG3 with my beloved bard, Viv. I don't have as much free time as I did a while back but I still want to finish the story.

Favourite Colour - Red

it's been my favorite since I was a kid! I don't have a single explanation for it but it's always my favorite. I use it a lot in character design. I am also a fan of a good gold and black. the combo of red, dark navy and gold will always make me go insane. (in a good way)

Favourite Candy - Gummies

who has ONE favorite candy? what? I love gummies, hard candy, dark chocolate, anything with lemon- the more I think of it I don't think there's anything I actively dislike! except circus peanuts and candy corn but I think I'm allergic to them.

Favourite Game of All Time - Final Fantasy Crisis Core

I don't know who knows but I have a tattoo of the buster sword (Zacks OG CC version). it's on my left forearm. the tattoo artist I got was amazing, too. Crisis Core was extremely formative for me and had formulated some of the ideals I hold today.

Current Pets - Tadashi (gray longhair cat) and Acorn (Society Finch)

My boy tadashi was a shelter cat who probably would have died if I hadn't gotten him when I did. He came to me with a life threatening respiratory infection and ringworm, fleas, kennel rashes, etc. He's all fixed up now and living his best life as a spoiled, fat housecat. he's a bit standoffish to people, but really loves being with people. I also live with my sister's two cats, madeline and Olive.

Thanks for the tag, If someone wants to do it, go for it! I would love to hear about the vast beautiful worlds you got going on! (trying not to tag irl friends) Theres a lot of you active mutuals, so if I missed you and you wanna do it, I have spiritualy tagged you.

@magicalzombiegirl @ramroadrage @sternenhimmel-mond @thatoneperson1967 @astro-b-o-y-d @jesterrlavorre @phobosapollo @nionbell

[gojonanami]

Lovely Sab,

Thank you so, so much for sharing 'Illicit Affairs' with us!

I'm so sorry I couldn't respond to you earlier! When you released it, it was nighttime where I was, so I could only read it this morning!

I honestly really, really love this series. I fell in love with their world and their setting, and I kept thinking about their little world weeks after I'd read 'I Need Someone Older'.

I honestly really, really love Professor Geto Suguru as a character. I feel a deep sense of attachment to him. I think he's incredibly charming. He's so charming that I keep thinking about him and imagining him in my head, and I just think you did such an excellent job of weaving together what makes Suguru Suguru while also adding in your own little intricacies, which just make Professor Geto who he is and just make him such a memorable presence.

This is a story I want to come back to later. I want to revisit it and reread it, pick up on little cues here and there, reanalyse the language, and fall in love with Professor Geto anew. I want to relive and re-experience the sizzling sexual tension and find myself smiling anew at your descriptions and your tackling of ethics, what it means to fall in love, and what it means to be so utterly and captivated by another individual that they start to affect your whole being.

I want to read it anew, and I promise that I will, not just once but several times too.

*********************************************************************

I loved the introduction. I think it's incredibly charming.

I know it's been mentioned before—but I think there is just something so incredibly sexy and intimate about wearing his blouse and wearing it to work, and having it be a secret shared between them.

I loved the dialogue in this scene. It is witty. It is playful. It is charming. It is captivating.

With every work of yours that I read, the more I am affirmed in my judgement that you truly have a talent for picking up on how people speak and creating some of the wittiest dialogue I've ever read.

I also think you have a real gift for tackling sexual tension—the delicious just before. I love how you write them hanging off the precipice of falling deep into their attraction, but just pulling them back from the edge of the cliff right before they could fall. It is beautiful. The way you write sexual tension makes my breath hitch.

(I also have to say that I love the way you observe little details like the crumpling of his shirt under her fingers—I love how you observe such details. It makes this story and your prose so much more charming in my eyes.)

And to top all of this off, I love how this is all a dream!

I was not expecting this, I won't lie, but I was pleasantly surprised. It makes sense, of course, but it is also charming in the sense that it references the motif of dreams that dominated part one, and so, in this way, cleverly weaves in and connects the two parts together through this shared motif. I thought it was incredibly clever of you to use the motif of dreams here yet again and to do so in such a clever way.

I think the opening to this fic (chapter?) is incredibly charming and effective, and engrossing and engaging, and it does a fantastic job of both setting up part two and paying deference to part one.

(I also love the slightly humorous tone of this section, too. It's charming. I love that she buries her face in the pillow to hide from the reality of life. It is incredibly relatable. Wouldn't you do that, too? I know I would.)

(I also love the fact that dreaming about him makes her hot and bothered. I just love the fact that her attraction towards him is intense, and not just for his looks, but because his looks are combined with his charm and his intellect, and it is this deadly combination that sets her fire ablaze.

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I liked the way Suguru's perspective was introduced.

I am not sure why, but I was spellbound by this description. I reread it several times while in the process of first reading this text. There is just something about this image that is incredibly charming, and it just sticks in my mind. I can just visualise it in my mind and even hear the barely audible whirring of the fan blades within the caverns of my mind.

Professor Suguru Geto couldn’t sleep — instead he spent his time staring at his ceiling, the blades of his fans spinning above him, just like his mind was — in circles. It was as if he almost didn’t want to risk his dreams taunting him, it was the same reason he had buried himself in research over the semester break, the same reason he had put off emailing you the materials for the semester, and the same reason he hadn’t seen you since that day you had kissed.1

I loved, loved this description. I love how the descriptions bleed into one another. Using multiple images like that in conjuction can be a dangerous game to play with, but you did so incredibly well, and I loved the way the images flickered and changed, the references complementing and bleeding into one another, until his mind, just like the way that it would, was drawn back to the idea of flesh and the real, and his realisation that she was not, indeed, 'myth' led him down the rabbit hole of remembering her very real flesh and the way touching it felt in his hands. (As a side note, I love how it parallels what happens later—the reference to her pantyhose is apt as it directly foreshadows what he does later.2)

You were risk personified, even for a risk averse theologian he liked to think himself as. But you were the thing of myths, the dangled food for Tantalus, the far too warm sun for Icarus, and the promise of gold for King Midas. But you were not a myth — you were real, his student made of flesh and bone, the same flesh he had pressed into his desk just a few short weeks ago, his legs parting your thighs, his fingers itching to rip your pantyhose off your legs—3

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I loved this scene, too.

In my mind, it brought back a flashback—when she had visited his office, only to find him seated on the sofa in 'I Need Someone Older':

You knock at his door, “Come in,” and you open the door to see an empty desk, blinking, “I’m over here,” And your head snaps to your right, and Professor Geto is sitting on his couch, his legs crossed with a stack of papers in hand. His jacket is slung over the side of the couch, his deep maroon button up sleeves rolled up, glasses perched on the tip of his nose.4

I also want to say this: you do an excellent job of showing how reality mirrors fiction without ever making it feel or sound repetitive. Instead, my attention is wholly captured.

(I have to point this out yet again, but I love how you observe the little details in life that people do. Of course he would hold out the door for her to enter first—it may seem like a tiny, unimportant detail, but I think it tells us an awful lot about his character.)

And I love how the barrier of formalities slightly shatters between them, perhaps without even him noticing:

His lips quirk, as he rounds his desk, and takes a seat, “You really can’t make it a conversation with me without giving me shit, huh?”  “Language,” you chide, as you sit across from him, “not very appropriate for an academic setting,” and you have to bite back the want to say that you’ve done plenty of inappropriate things in this office the last time you both were here.5

I have to say, I really loved this description. I hadn't even thought about it before, but of course that would be the case. Of course, that simple, annoying noise would elicit such a bodily reaction—it had nipped their relationship in the bud and would continue to do so much to their chagrin:

And the moment is broken when his email goes off — you squeeze your bag a little tighter, as you busy yourself with digging through your bag for the materials to go over. That sound was nearly traumatizing in this office, not only did it usually signal the start of some assignment you had to trudge your way through — it also was the sound that had ended your relationship before it even really began.6

Such an observation is beautiful. (A frown came over to my face as I read this—I sympathise with them.)

Also, this is absolutely hilarious. I loved this so much. It is so naturally and effortlessly funny and witty, and I was just so charmed by your dialogue here. So, so good.

“Good question,” a smile pulls the corners of his lips, “obviously, as a T.A., you will have office hours that you can decide with your own discretion—”  “So it’s okay if I have them once a month at 3:00 AM?” and he rolls his eyes as you bite your lip at the sight — why was everything he did so effortlessly attractive?  Fucking unfair.  “Witching hour, how apt,” he murmurs, as he tilts his head, “but they should be weekly, as I’m sure you know, and held not in the middle of the night, when nights should be used for other things,” and you have to bite back your reply, like what?7

And I love how he accidentally slipped and how you tracked his bodily reaction as he realised what he said. I love the way you tracked his reaction—from personal experience, I feel like such descriptions sometimes may be in danger of slipping into the dangers of clichés, but you tracked his reaction splendidly.

“If you’re good, that is,” and you knew it slipped from his lips — from the way his lips parted, the way his body froze for half a second as if he had shocked himself — and he had, because the spark between you two remained, a weed stubbornly cracking through concrete, “sorry—’8

I also love how you tackled the whole notion of them never fully crossing boundaries and the discussion of the consequences of what their actions might bring about and how it would affect them differently.

This is brilliant:

“Because we’re going to working together all semester long, with students in class who will see us each week,” he licked his lips, leaning back in his chair, “because it was already problematic if we saw each other without any classes or connection, but now — if you’re my T.A. and my girlfriend, how would I even properly supervise you?” and he swallows, adam’s apple bobbing as he blows air through his teeth, before his voice grows softer, “how would I focus on guiding you and our students if I’m too busy gazing into your eyes or staring at your lips or wanting to—” he cuts himself off, “you know it’s not a good idea,  most of our students probably wouldn’t notice, but rumors spread and it takes one good rumor to ruin your career,” and he adds, “with how things work, you don’t need me to tell you why it would be worse for you than me, even if I tried to take responsibility,”9 

I just love the descriptions, which show just how difficult psychologically it is to resist and to submit to Logic when Feeling just feels so right. Case in point: 'he swallows, adam’s apple bobbing as he blows air through his teeth, before his voice grows softer'.10 

I love this description. I know it may seem simple at first, but I just love how bodily it is, how it conveys his struggle, and how observant it is of human behaviour. People do do that! They do! And when I read that, I could visualise him in my head instantly. 

I love the playful, slightly teasing humour between them. I love how back-and-forth their dialogues are. I love how you can feel their attraction through the screen. I love it, and I loved this scene, and as I was reading it, I found myself rereading passages in the midst of reading as I just wanted to commit them to my memory and absorb them and re-experience them.

(NB: the office comment was a nice nod to part one, too.)

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I think this scene is incredibly charming and funny. I love the overly eager students vying for his attention, the joking yet affectionate way Professor Geto refers to her less-than-smooth journey last term in his class ('showed great grit and dedication in the class assignments'), and the almost secret language between them as they make subtle references that none of the students can catch onto ('you catch a flicker of an emotion ripple across his face out of the corner of your eye').11 

And I love how observant they are of each other. She notices the behaviour of the students right away, scrutinises them, analyses them, and his behaviour with them, and jumps to conclusions (which is relatable—I would, too), and how he is even more observant than her, noting her jealousy right off the bat, and how it amuses ('he only smiles wider'), and how he lets it slip that no, she shouldn't jump to conclusions ('there’s only ever been one student who caught my eyes').12

(Just as a note, I think it's charming, too, that he remembers her schedule.)

Excuse my less than elegant description, but I do rather like this: 

And he’s gone — as you stand in the empty lecture hall next to the podium, the very one from your first dream— and you’re right back where you started.13

It's a nice nod to part one—I like it.

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I liked how this section was a bit of a character study of Professor Geto's method of thinking and going about life, and how he reevaluates his life in relation to his method of thinking. Someone like him would be drawn to constantly reevaluate his actions regardless, I believe, but experiencing such an attraction would exasperate those feelings even further.

And doesn't that just make sense? I am no seasoned ethicist, and my knowledge is rather lacking in that field, but I do feel as though sometimes, as pretentious as it may sound, we just find ourselves reading all those texts and setting about a specific framework of mind to think about it, only to find everything crashing down because we just can't account for the spontaneity of life, and this just serves to show that. 

In a funny way, he is living through an ethical dilemma he may use to teach as an example, and isn't that just an apt way of showing how we live through ethical dilemmas constantly? Yes, this sounds cheesy, I know, but I find that there's something incredibly charming in that.

I really do love this description:

That sentence was on repeat in his mind as he tried to work on his paper over the break — “try” being the operative word. It felt as if even his work hadn't been untouched by you — your impact widespread and all consuming — just as your actual touch was.14

(I thought the coming-in of the department head into his office was a nice touch. Professor Geto's internal dilemma and paranoia, too, were well explored. I rather liked this section.)

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Gosh, this was one of my favourite scenes.

From the humour in exploring how she additionally set herself more work through the slight awkwardness and the jittery feeling of performing in front of an empty auditorium to him sneakily coming in behind her and having him laugh out loud instead of her imaginary students, breaking her out of her reverie. 

I loved that. I truly really loved this passage.

AND I LOVED HER SLIP OF THE TONGUE!

“Are you okay?” he asks, and you can’t meet his gaze, but you hear his footsteps, “should I go?”  “No, no, it’s just,” you shake your head, “a little deja vu,”  He raises an eyebrow, “deja vu?”  Your blood runs cold. Fuck.  “I don’t recall you ever presenting like this in my clsss before,” you can't decide if his voice is more thick with confusion or curiosity.  “Yeah, no, sorry it’s nothing,” you brush him off, your eyes fixed on your notes on the podium, and you know he’s still staring, “what?”  “I see you’re still not a very good liar,” and you scoff, “what is it that’s gotten you so bothered?”  “Nothing,” you insist.15

Gosh, that was an incredibly clever and funny nod to part one. I loved it so much.

(I wonder if she will tell him later what this was all about…)

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I have to say that for me, the description of him watching her present with a small, fond smile really stood out to me, and I did like the reversal, with her watching him lecture—a season and naturally gifted professional—only to lock gazes and turn away, flustered.

It's cute.

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Hah! I loved this! I reread it several times. So incredibly funny!

“Do you have everything?” Professor Geto asks, as you hand him your suitcase, your fingers brushing as you do.  He lifts your suitcase into the trunk of his car, his black t-shirt riding up as he does, a quick flash of the expanse of his muscles— Fuck, you bite your lip, stop, stop. Professor. He’s a professor.16

This section is so witty. When you released that preview, I hadn't the slightest idea as to what the context was, so when I saw the comment about the apartment, I couldn't help but wonder what possibly it was referring to, but when I saw it, it made so much sense, and it made me smile as it was funny, but in an incredibly endearing way.

I really love this section. I love it from start to finish. From the humour to the way he checks on her in the car and the gnawing guilt at the back of her mind, and the soft reassurances and the anticipation of awkwardness and the desperate desire to cross that bridge, consequences be damned.

While I was reading it for the first time, I found myself rereading this passage several times in the midst of writing, and now, as I am writing this commentary, I find myself rereading it once more, searching for little nuggets of subtleties in their interactions and enjoying the humour once more.

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Ah, you know what? I do like your use of this trope for this chapter. I think it's funny, it's charming, it's a good way of exploring their lingering feelings, and it did a good job of propelling the plot further.

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Hah! I LOVED THIS! I literally started laughing as I read this! (But gosh, it suddenly brought back memories of that panel of Suguru being shirtless, and you know what? I am in no position to judge. I would've reacted in a worse manner. I can't decide if I would just shriek obnoxiously loudly or stare at him shamelessly, mouth agape, or both.)

You blink, eyes flickering up to see your Professor’s flushed face, before your eyes slowly following a bead of water slip down his bare chest, black hair dotting along the middle of his chest and abs, down to a happy trail that was hidden by a towel wrapped around his waist. His clothes in his hand, and your eyes find his own, your lips parted and mouth impossibly dry.  Oh. My. God.  “Uh—“ and his cheeks flare red, as you try your best not to let your eyes flicker downward, “I forgot my clothes—“ and you turn away, as he darts back into the bathroom, “I’m sorry,” he says, muffled through the door.  “It’s okay!” You reply, your heart thumping against your ribcage, squeezing your eyes shut to only be met the memory of his bare torso, “fuck,” you mumble under your breath, as you turn onto your back, and stare at the spinning ceiling fan above you. A distinct ache below at the thought of him.17

And I loved the descriptions of their imaginations taking over. I thought it was a clever nod to Part One and very well executed. (In other words, these scenes are extremely sexy, and you're so talented at making sexy scenes actually seem sexy. Gosh, they are just so incredibly... hot.)

(I was actually thinking about this earlier, but I do love how, in his imagination, Suguru always presents her with a choice, always happy to go with what she would prefer to do, and his desire to 'repay the favor tenfold').18

He was close, the twitch of his dick in his hand told him so, and he imagined what it would be like to cum in your mouth, watching you swallow his release, if you’d want to, or cumming all over your face or chest, letting his cock drag over your tongue as he pulled out.19

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This is cute:

“More into the intellectuals, that man was far from it — I like an academic, sweater vests, glasses, a pretentious little office—“ and the glare is back, as you laugh, the rideshare sparing him from you continuing this conversation, but you also didn’t get to see the slight smile on his lips as you slipped into the back of the car.20

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I loved the softness of this scene. The intimacy. It was so soft and cute, and it just made my heart feel so warm and fuzzy.

“I can’t get this knot out of my hair, and I can’t get you out of my hair either,” he adds, as you roll your eyes, slipping off the bed and walking over. You ease the comb from his fingers, biting your lip at the brush of his fingers, “what are you—“  “It’s easier if someone else does it,” and he sighs, giving in, as your fingers undo the knot in his hair gently, “your hair is really smooth and fine, probably why it tangled so fast,” and he only hums in response, his body relaxing under your touch, as you comb through the rest of his hair. You bite back a smile, he’s almost like a cat, keening under your touch, “feels good?” You murmur.  “Yeah, it does,” and you don’t want the moment to end, you want this excuse to touch him to remain, the first time you’ve been able to breach this wall between you two — and it’d be over in an instant, “I think that’s good,” he mutters.21

This scene just speaks to and prefigures the potential intimacy and warmth of their relationship. Beautiful.

I have a soft spot for this section:

But you couldn’t — but you could look, stare into the void, without becoming part of it.  You shift again to face him this time — how could the back of someone’s head be so beautiful? Jet black locks that you had combed yourself fanned out on his pillow. But you could spot the nape of his neck through the tresses, a lovely spot that you only wished you could lean over and bury your face in. Your eyes began to droop.  Hypnos finally took pity. You could only sleep this way. Your eyes finally flutter shut — you should have known — you were always the most comfortable with him in your sight.22

I think it's charming. I love it. I love that she can only sleep soundly once she turns her face to look at him. (Is this, too, a subtle reference to her being perceptive to pursuing a relationship while he is turned away, so far, as he needs to contend himself with the risks and his logically driven and book-affected brain cannot content and compute his intense attraction to her just yet? Perhaps I am reading too much into this. Regardless, it is charming.)

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I liked how you used this chapter, too, to divulge more about and explore further Professor Geto's character, his psychology, his feelings, and his comprehension of his burgeoning feelings. He is a charming character, and your execution of him is excellent, which only makes him more likeable.

He was jealous. Not of Toji — but of the idea of you being with someone else — of your attention drifting from him, of you drifting from him. He turned to lay on his back, he really was fucked wasn’t he?23

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I love how his dreams collide with reality. I like the fact that the idea of dreams just runs throughout this series—their dreams, the dreams of being together, the dreams of academic success, all sorts of dreams.

And I love how you executed this—how it did feel as though worlds were colliding with the world of dreams merging with the world of reality and becoming one, and how in the haziness of sleep, it was unclear whether the softness of the tangible body was real or fake, and how that, in itself, just bleeds into so many discussions in ethics and philosophy.

I love the intimacy of sleep, their responses in their sleep, and the idea of dreams revealing true feelings, and just how, through sleep and even without realising it, they were just driven to embrace each other, and how natural and comfortable that felt. (And how this foreshadows that later will become their every day, no?)

I love this. I do. So beautiful.

And his unconscious allows it — allows him to dream of you.  Dream of your face buried in the crook of his neck, your soft breaths warming his skin, his nose buried in your hair. Your fingers grasped at his shirt, your other hand thrown over his middle. Why was your scent so intoxicating? He sighs, pulling you impossibly closer, and you shift, your leg sliding around his waist, as you pressed closer, pulling a groan from his lips as your core grazes right against his morning…visitor.  And you move again, nose brushing against his collarbone, his name on your lips, quietly whispered like a secret against his skin. It was perfect — you were perfect.  But what if this wasn’t a dream? The back of his mind prods — but that’s not possible, he was home in bed, right? This wasn’t real. It was the same dream he always had, of waking up in your arms, a lazy morning spent together in bed, the sun barely peeking over the horizon, the sheets becoming dappled in sunshine.  No, there was no way this was real, he sighs into your hair, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, but even if it was, he thought as he drifted, he didn’t want to wake — not yet.24

(Yes, I did just participate in the bad practice of quoting an overly long passage, but you know what? I don't care. I love it too much, and that's why I just felt this need to paste it whole again because I just wanted to highlight and show, and re-show in a new light, just how beautiful this passage that you had written was and how it just works so well together as a pity and beautifully written bit of prose.)

(I can't help but notice the dichotomy of her mind—she is content with admitting to herself that she is in love with him, yet she still tries to maintain a psychological distance by referring to him as 'Professor Geto' in her mind.)

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Funny, sexy, tension-inducing, brilliant:

Your hand pressed against his chest, your body against his, noses brushing, your eyes unable to tear away from the other — his eyes were even prettier this close — a dark brown, nearly black, with flecks of another color — purple? You can’t tell if that’s your heartbeat or his that’s racing with how close you are, chest to chest. And even as you try to shift, you make it worse by slipping, your hips rubbing against each other’s.25

(NB: I also like this take on Suguru's eye colour.)

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This was brilliant. Having them hurriedly walk into a random lecture only to have the topic of student-teacher relationships brought up is just brilliant. It's fantastic. The humour, the pointed reference, their stark realisation, and horror… just brilliant.

This is a lovely description, too:

You tugged at the collar of your shirt, adjusting your clothes. And if that wasn’t enough, you were going to spend the day sweaty and disheveled. Meanwhile, you stole another glance at your professor — his skin flushed from running, button up not buttoned up all the way, glasses instead of contacts, and his hair in its usual bun, but a few strands were nearly coming loose — he still looked fucking delectable. But he wouldn’t meet your gaze, his body positioned to lean away from yours, his eyes fixed ahead.26

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Oh! This was one of my favourite scenes in this series! It's just so soft, flirty, playful, and just so, so cute! I really, really loved it! It really brought a smile to my face.

The screen flashed with the image of him sleeping all lopsided on the couch from that first night, as you covered your mouth in both horror, but also to stifle your laugh.  His eyes flicker to you, “When did you—“ and you reach for your phone, but he moves it away, “not until you answer my questions,”  “This isn’t class, Professor, I want my phone—“ you reach for it again, and he’s holding it above your head, “oh real mature—“  “Like the picture you have of me as my contact picture?” He raises an eyebrow, a real smile pulling at the corners of his lips, “thought I should resort to my student’s level,”   “Your T.A.,” you correct, as you reach for your phone again, but he’s using his height to his advantage, and he’s beginning to walk backwards, “come on, give it back—“  “Not until I change and delete that photo,” and he’s trying to hold your phone up to your face to unlock it, and you gasp.27

And you know what I also liked about this easy playfulness? The fact that they felt like a couple here.

(Ah, gosh, the detail of holding up the phone in front of her face is so funny. I loved it so much.)

I love this, too. It's so incredibly romantic that it even made me feel a little shy:

And you lean closer, your other hand gently brushing against his cheek, tracing the line of his jaw, “So if I ask for a kiss, will you give it to me?” You won’t close the gap anymore than you have — he needs to reach for you too, let himself give into gravity.  He does, as his hand brushes against your cheek, thumb rubbing back and forth across your cheekbone, “will we stop at just a kiss?” He murmurs, leaning so close that your eyes want to flutter shut.  “Only one way to find out,” and his lips brush yours. And it’s not chaste like your first kiss was, no, his lips slide against yours, as his other hand slides to the back of your neck. He swallows your gasp eagerly, if the smirk you feel against your lips is anything to go off of. Your teeth graze against this bottom lip teasingly, drawing a small groan from the back of his throat.28

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I thought the free will versus determinism discussion was a nice touch. I really liked it, as it really showed that Professor Geto's mind operates in tandem with and in dialogue with past scholars that he's researched and long-thought about. Of course, he would interpret the constant interruptions of life through such a framework. I loved it.

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(Just as a note, I do like the reference to his hair changing and her noticing it, as in a way, it just shows how she kept her distance so much that his hair even changed during that time.29)

Oh, I loved this too. Clever. Very much so.

“Why shouldn’t we?” you felt like a child demanding an answer from their parent.  “We agreed—” “I don’t remember an agreement-”  “It was unspoken—”  You scoff, crossing your arms, “You really are only a professor because an attorney would know that binding agreements can’t be unspoken,” he falls silent, his voice soft.30

THIS IS A FANTASTIC NOD TO PART ONE. NEARLY MADE ME SCREAM. THE TENSION BETWEEN THEM WAS JUST SO WELL EXPLORED. FROM THE REFERENCE TO WHAT HE WROTE IN HER PAPER AND SCANLON TO THE LINGUISTIC SIMILARITY BETWEEN PART ONE AND PART TWO THAT IS JUST SO SUBTLE AND CLEVER. AND I LOVE HOW THEIR ATTRACTION—BOTH INTELLECTUALLY AND PHYSICALLY—JUST COMES TO FRUITION HERE.

“Not very ethical,” you chuckle breathlessly, as your fingers rake through his now disheveled bun, “but I can’t find the sense to care,” your noses brush, as you can’t help but smile, “what would Scanlon or Kant say about this?” And his arms lift you onto his desk, several papers crumpling underneath, “Who the fuck cares?” he’s hissing, his lips find yours in a searing kiss, as his thighs press yours apart, as he settles himself between your legs, his knee grazing your core, drawing a delightful gasp from your lips, “I know what I want,” and his eyes soften, his fingers tracing the length of your cheek, “do you?”31

I love this scene. It is just so... hot. 

I'm afraid I... I can't quite form an apt commentary, here... It is just so... sexy... heated... fuelled with desire... and frantic... and hot... and just so...

Ah... I just love it so much.

“Let it ring,” his lips find yours in a bruising kiss as his finger deliciously sinks into you, “I have all I need right here,” he whispers, and you pull him back into a kiss by the collar of his unbuttoned shirt, your hand sliding up and down his chest, while he worked a finger into your cunt, “so fucking wet f’me, so perfect,”32

My Gosh... isn't just... this version of Professor Geto the sexiest?

It just… unlocked and reaffirmed my new desire and suspicion that, yes, it turns out that a gauges-wearing 6'3'' ethics professor with long black hair and muscular build is my ideal type. (And I am not alone in that judgement, am I now?)

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If it's not clear, I really love this story. I love how you chose to continue it. I love the way you write and how witty your writing is, and how you manage to tackle sexual tension, and just tension in general, and the affair of falling in love with someone and falling in love deeply. 

Thank you for writing this fantastic story. I really, really look forward to reading part three!

Sending lots and lots of love your way xxx

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1. Gojonanami, 'Illicit Affairs', Tumblr, Jan 20, 2024, accessed Jan 21, 2024, https://www.tumblr.com/gojonanami/740088380922232832/%F0%9D%90%88-%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%83-%F0%9D%90%92%F0%9D%90%8E%F0%9D%90%8C%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%8E%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%84-%F0%9D%90%8E%F0%9D%90%8B%F0%9D%90%83%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91?source=share.

2. Just as a fun fact, to be completely honest with you, I didn't know what 'pantyhose' even was at first, as we call them 'sheer tights', and for a second, I was a little stumped until I remembered what they were, but just to confirm, I did end up googling just to check, and afterwards, I felt a little silly for doing so!

3. Gojonanami, 'Illicit Affairs'.

4. Gojonanami, 'I Need Someone Older', Tumblr, Jan 6, 2024, accessed Jan 21, 2024 https://www.tumblr.com/gojonanami/738725519632334848/%F0%9D%90%88-%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%83-%F0%9D%90%92%F0%9D%90%8E%F0%9D%90%8C%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%8E%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%84-%F0%9D%90%8E%F0%9D%90%8B%F0%9D%90%83%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91?source=share.

5. Gojonanami, 'Illicit Affairs'.

6. Ibid.

7. Ibid.

8. Ibid.

9. Ibid.

10. Ibid.

11. Ibid.

12. Ibid.

13. Ibid.

14. Ibid.

15. Ibid.

16. Ibid.

17. Ibid.

18. Ibid.

19. Ibid.

20. Ibid.

21. Ibid.

22. Ibid.

23. Ibid.

24. Ibid.

25. Ibid.

26. Ibid.

27. Ibid.

28. Ibid.

29. I have to confess, too, that I just really love his hair. It is so beautiful—black and silky, just the most elegant rivulets flowing down his back.

30. Gojonanami, 'Illicit Affairs'.

31. Gojonanami, 'I Need Someone Older'.

33. Gojonanami, 'Illicit Affairs'.

omg don’t be sorry at all — you are so incredibly sweet to do this in the first place — like I wanna cry every time I read these asks you send me. it took me a while to respond because i need to be on my laptop to reply and i've been super busy so i haven't been able to, but now i finally can!! I reread them all the time but I do respond — so let me reply to this in full under the cut

I am so glad you have enjoyed the series and professor geto overall — it has been such an interesting journey to this fic. like i never expected 'three's a crowd' to evolve into something like what it has. i'm so excited to write the other professor fics, you would not believe. i'm glad i was able to keep what makes suguru, suguru, as you said, because that's so important to me while writing aus, and why in the past, i strayed away from writing them. but i've really enjoyed writing the ones i have.

ok the fact you want to reread it makes me emotional - it makes me so incredibly happy and grateful. and thank you so so much for all of your incredibly kind words.

i'm so glad you enjoyed the opening scene - it's something that popped into my head almost immediately after finishing part 1 and i knew i had to write it. wearing your partner's clothes is a trope i love so much, and like it's so hot like you said - so i'm so glad you loved it.

i'm so glad you enjoy those little details and the sexual tension -- i try really hard to make sure the right amount of tension is present, and try to use grounding description while conveying emotion.

i'm so glad hahah - i thought people would be mad lmao - it's such a tease, but i thought it was perfect, rather continuing straight from the last part. it made more sense to skip forward, and then explain what happened after. and the motif of dreams i wanted to use a little more :)

i love using imagery to show where the character's mind is at. i feel like i couldn't escape the image of him watching his ceiling fan spin, just unable to tear his eyes away, just as his mind spun in the same circle over and over again.

i really wanted to put the pantyhose ripping in part 1 but laney and hannah were both like save it for part 2 and i couldn't but agree, but this was my slight homage to my desire to do so in part 1.

i'm so glad it doesn't seem repetitive -- i always if i'm bordering on being so repetitive, but one of my favorite things in literature / media / etc is the idea of parallelism -- that's why i think i loved hamilton so much when i listened to it. the idea of these many lines tying together in so many pivotal parts and beats of the story was some of my favorite things (obv the musical itself is pretty controversial in some ways at this point, but the writing and music is still incredible) and its some of the best examples of this i can think of. i love having that because i think human brains are receptive to patterns -- it's how we are taught to perceive and think about the world, and it's how our brain is just wired to function. and so i love including that in my writing.

hahah yeah i had to include something that references the trauma we all went through when that goddamn email went off hahah. i literally had three different endings for part one in mind when i wrote it, and this is the one i landed on hahah.

i'm glad you think my dialogue is witty and charming?? like what a compliment T_T. it was funny because i think i wrote that scene around 3 am (i am perpetually a night owl).

oh yeah i know i was toting the line of cliche when i had him freeze, which is why i always try to add a little more to it -- because i've had that happen, where i said something i shouldn't have, and i find myself physically freezing or cringing at the thought.

i knew i needed to explain his side of why they didn't -- i wanted him to outline why it was bad, because as the person in power, it is his responsibility to draw that line -- it's his line to draw because he has the power so it was super important and purposefully that he explained that :).

i'm so glad you said you saw their secret language because that's part of the reason i titled this fic illicit affairs after the taylor swift song because i think the lyrics, "you taught me a secret language i can't speak with anyone else" fits them so well.

i'm glad you enjoyed seeing geto's pov, i thought it was super important to include especially for the set up to this fic :) - i really wanted to show his own struggle and his own want for reader, despite everything and the choices they both made.

hahaha i was going to have her tell him later in this part about the dream, but there was never a good time -- but i think it will be either in part 3 or there definitely will be an 'extra credit' fic about it!!

hahah when i was picking a snippet to post -- it was hard because i couldn't choose anything that would spoil the plot -- so i chose that snippet, knowing that it teases their trip without revealing anything else.

oh yeah that shirtless panel did things to me and that's why him coming out of the shower like that happened hahahaha. and i had to include a hair combing part -- hannah has been asking me to write on forever, so i thought this would be perfect :).

i'm so glad you picked up on the imagery of him being turned away, and then eventually having to face them -- and how she's facing him :). you read into it perfectly and it makes me so happy!!! :)

you're so sweet honestly when you highlight a passage, it honestly forces me to reread my own writing, which is honestly something i do very often haha. and it's kind of nice. i've honestly had moments where i know i'm going to wake up or i have to wake up, but i make the conscious choice not to, if only to have a few more moments, and i wanted this scene to reflect their choices of that.

omg when me and hannah discussed the scene of them coming into the conference and ending up in a lecture that discussed student / teacher relationships -- it was so funny i had to write it. it was great hahahah. i just thought it would be just their luck for that to happen.

i was trying to figure out a way to have them come back together, and i was struggling to find a way without a full discussion, and this wasn't the time for that. so i thought this cute way of the photo and their little fight was perfect for that :).

i knew i had to bring it back to part 1 in this scene since this scene is like a mirror of what happened in part 1. you are definitely not alone -- he's too perfect honestly and he's ruined me for everyone else truly hahaha.

thank you for this ask, and again i'm sorry it took me so long to reply. i just needed to find the time to sit at my laptop and write this out because i couldn't write a response that did this justice on my phone. it literally means so much to me and i still look at all of these ones you've written all the time and they truly mean the world. thank you so much for this. i truly don't deserve you.

also the footnotes are amazing as well hahah - professor geto would very much approve (and so do i <3).

[whenmemoriesfrost]

13 Books

tagged by @sumire-no-nikki, thanks for tagging me! your answers definitely added new books to my tbr :)

1. The last book I read:

the last book i finished was Susanna Clarke's Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell. it was enormous and engrossing. i haven't had much luck finding something to follow it up with.

2. A book I recommend:

Cuddy by Benjamin Myers!! it's about saint cuthbert, durham, and durham cathedral, told in 4 parts that take place in approx. 600, 1300, 1800 and 2020 AD. it's totally magical, mythological and stunning.

3. A book that I couldn’t put down:

the glutton by A.K. Blakemore is my favourite book i've read so far this year. i was completely captivated by it, the prose was so exquisite, vivid and precise. i think of it constantly.

4. A book that I’ve read twice (or more):

i have re-read one of my all time favourite novels, The Sunken Land Begins to Rise Again, 4 times i think? it's damp, fleshy and weird. i find every sentence to be a total marvel.

5. A book on my TBR:

i have a ton of short story collections on my TBR because i read them so slowly (this is bc i write short fiction so i have to be really focused when i read it) including my final Karen Russell collection St Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves.

6. A book I’ve put down:

i've had such bad luck lately. I feel like I'm DNFing everything. The Variations by Patrick Langley.

7. A book on my wish list:

ALL of the upcoming releases by my favourite indie publishers <3

8. A favorite book from childhood:

mine is also A Series of Unfortunate Events! I actually think a lot of my current taste was defined by loving these books as a child. I also loved Little Women :)

9. A book you would give to a friend:

Kala by Colin Walsh was a really engaging recent read that I think a lot of people would enjoy. Also the Delivery by Margarita García Robayo for something quick and captivating.

10. A book of poetry or lyrics you own:

I don't read much poetry, so most of the poetry I have is borrowed from friends.

11. A nonfiction book you own:

A Swim in a Pond in the Rain by George Saunders - a book about analysing 19th century Russian short stories.

12. What are you currently reading:

The Manningtree Witches by A.K. Blakemore, which I'm not sure if i'll finish (feels weird bc her other novel The Glutton changed my brain chemistry, but it's just not as strong)

13. What are you planning on reading next:

hmmmm i think the Alternatives by Caoilinn Hughes! long live irish fiction!

I tag some new mutuals @darkacademicc and @medstudiees :)

[nariism]

It's been forever since I've had the time to cuddle up and read a nice long fic, so after seeing 'where you are, wherever you may be' I got so excited because omg?? 12.4k words of Rin?? FROM YOU?? Never really been into soulmate aus but that did not stop me from eating this up !! Even the synopsis was so gorgeous to me, I could tell you cooked up another masterpiece that was going to re-alter my brain chemistry (and you did, I was so engrossed that I forgot that I had lost my voice)

(p.s, I struggled so much to pick which parts were my favourite, so I tried to stick to the shorter ones / put ... between the beginning and ends bc I don't want to end up sending your entire fic back into an ask :>)

For a moment, the universe goes quiet. He’s gotten so used to having everything on his mind all at once that the silence is almost unnerving...Itoshi Rin’s world ends with the bellow of a firework.

I'm in love with the way you characterise Rin and his inner conflicts, it's just so beautiful, the way you wrote his epiphany had me screaming. The descriptions are stunning too?? You captured reader's beauty AND Rin's emotions at the same time, the love at first sight and soulmate vibes got me all giddy. (it was a simple feature but I LOVED the narration in the brackets, it really amplifies Rin's emotions and offers more insight into his character)

He spends the rest of the night trying to forget your face. (And the next year trying to recreate it in his dreams.)

SCREAMING AND KICKING MY FEET?? HELLO?? I HAVE NO WORDS BUT W O W.

And screw you (affectionate) for the S** scene I WAS SAD ENOUGH ALREADY

Rin thinks about you just as much in the waking world as he does in his dreams.

I think about him that much too... (WHEN IS IT MY TURN??)

He comes to memorize every part of you, like how the sun kisses the horizon and the moon knows the tides.

Absolutely ethereal. I'm literally in love with this line like. what if I cried.

Suddenly, he’s thirteen again and gasping for air; screaming into his pillow and trashing their shared awards until his mother comes rushing in to stop him. He’s alone in a field, abandoned and crushed.

I WANTED TO GIVE HIM A HUG HERE MAN :( Itoshi angst always hurts but mama itoshi getting involved did it for me, just imagine her trying to calm young Rin down and comforting him TT o TT

“If I’m not hard on myself, I’ll never—” he stops, choking lightly on his spit. When you don’t interrupt, he shoves the popsicle back in his mouth. “Whatever. You wouldn't get it.” ... “You deserve to be a little kinder to yourself.”

“Just being able to stand here with you—” you glance at him again, only for a second. He can see the exhaustion in that moment, but he’s too selfish to pry. “—I think I’m the luckiest person alive.” “Even if…” He swallows harshly. It feels like shrapnel cutting down his throat. “Even if I can’t be more?” “Even so.”

I fucking adored the comfort from reader, it was so elegantly written and had so much warmth to it, like the feeling in your chest when you drink a hot cup of tea during a cold night. Rin and his self esteem issues (╥﹏╥) man I just want to give him a big hug

(The fireworks rage on, but in the end, all he can look at is you.)

THIS IS SO ROMANCE ANIME / DRAMA AODNAOISDNAOIDN (I thought of that one scene in weightlifting fairy,,, where she says the fireworks are pretty and he agrees but he's talking about her) this part got me weak in the knees wdym you choose to stare at y/n instead of the fireworks ITOSHI RIN YOU ADORABLE BASTARD

My heart dropped at Rin showing up three hours later than planned (AND without the yukata). Rin's struggles with vulnerability and how it consequently hurt reader had my heart aching, I WAS SO SCARED OF A BAD ENDING (even though the 2024 extract at the beginning showed that it ended well)

Every year he’s had the opportunity to read your expression: I’m tired of waiting. But he always foolishly assumed you would still wait around for him forever. That your patience would be as infinite as the stars in the sky. That just because he had the privilege of having his name scrawled down your pinky, he would be guaranteed to have you.

If he told you that, would you understand? Or would you try and claw his name off your skin?

Rin’s legs have never moved so fast. Not in football. Not even from his brother. If you were the light at the end of the tunnel then he would keep chasing you forever, he thinks. Until his wounded heart gave out.

I have no words. "if you were the light at the end of the tunnel then he would keep chasing you forever" THAT ANALOGY THOUGH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?? also loved how during the conflict part I wasn't siding with either character and understood both side's perspectives (kudos to y/n for being so strong bc idgaf if they were soulmates waiting for that long would've been exhausting)

7 July 2024. I wish I had the words to tell you how much I love you.

Ending was *chef's kiss* I was powering through this fic bc I was that eager to figure out what happens

Well done Soph !! 12.4k words is fricking amazing and you must've felt so proud after almost a year, this fic is easily my new favourite, it's just so gorgeous, beautiful and ethereal 😭 You're a writer I'm genuinely inspired by and I hope one day I can create something as elegant as your work some day (very sorry if this is inarticulate I've been pushing through practice for a competition while running off painkillers :] )

HIIII SOUTA HI omfg i love your analyses they never fail to make me smile huge because what the fuck you're so so so sweet T_T THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to the tippy tip of my head to my feet for reading and putting so much thought into the words i (painstakingly 💀) strung together

i've written about rin before but i really wanted to do a deep dive about his relationship with his brother and how sae messed him up so bad, to the point where rin would deny something as definitive as a soulmate because he doesn't want to stop chasing his dream (smiting sae :p)

and I absolutely wanted it to read like a romance/slice of life/drama series, from the meeting to the kiss scene to the shrine. i'm glad it landed with a lot of people 😮‍💨

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR READING SOU I LOVE YOU SM 🫶 I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN/HAD FUN AT YOUR COMPETITION

[unravelingthepages]

Rock Paper Scissors- Worth the hype?

Hi :-) can I just start by saying it's definitely worth the hype? it was a definite 4 star read for me and one that kept me engaged till the very end.

So Rock Paper Scissors by Alice Feeney is a domestic thriller that I adored. It follows a married couple over a weekend getaway and if I'm honest it kept me wondering throughout. I definitely recommend it to you.

Book blurb

Think you know the person you married? Think again…

Things have been wrong with Mr and Mrs Wright for a long time. When Adam and Amelia win a weekend away to Scotland, it might be just what their marriage needs. Self-confessed workaholic and screenwriter Adam Wright has lived with face blindness his whole life. He can’t recognize friends or family, or even his own wife.

Every anniversary the couple exchange traditional gifts – paper, cotton, pottery, tin – and each year Adam’s wife writes him a letter that she never lets him read. Until now. They both know this weekend will make or break their marriage, but they didn’t randomly win this trip. One of them is lying, and someone doesn’t want them to live happily ever after.

Ten years of marriage. Ten years of secrets. And an anniversary they will never forget.

What I liked-

From the start I was making my own little conspiracy theories about what actually happened (all completely wrong in case you were wondering lol) and that kept me so engrossed in the book, I loved it.

The characters!!!! I loved getting these different perspectives, so very wildly different from each other I might add, and it was so cool when it all added up at the end and their little reactions made sense!!

The ending. Because genuinely, I had to go back and confirm that it was actually possible because I was so so sure it wasn't. But it was and it was so COOL how all the little details made sense.

Writing style 10/10. That's all I will say. I loved it.

Can I just gush over this book here? This is a fan post. Because I loved it so much and I'm now kind of wondering why I'm not rating it 5 stars lol. Maybe I'll re-read it and update my rating later.

Anyways, go check out this book!

purchase the book here: https://amzn.to/3Te9BFb [this is an associate link]

[cookinguptales]

Hello, hi! I read your year in review post, and it inspired me to come say hello. I fell off Tumblr a few years ago and have tentatively crawled back over the last few months (honestly, it was the Goncharov craze that got me nostalgic for Tumblr again - I love Tumblr memes). I was really happy to see that you were active here and still writing fic for a new fandom that I also love!

I wanted to let you know that I'm a huge fan of your work and still am even after all these years! Your writing is so thoughtful and detailed, with a warmth and sincerity that makes it far too easy to consume a lot all at once, like a big mug of hot chocolate that you finish too quickly. Not just your creative writing, but your nonfiction blogging on fandom and health accessibility and travel too! I still go back and re-read some of my favorite fics you wrote when I'm feeling the itch to indulge in an old fandom! I had a big Muppet deep dive because I loved your fic so much, and now I go to work every day at a desk covered in Kermit stickers!

And I should have told you all of this a while ago. I regretted not reaching out for a long time. But now I have! And I hope you're okay with me being all mushy and earnest (how cringe!) out here in the open. If you don't want to post a response, I'm fine with that. I'm happy to just say hi, and I hope that my message brings you some joy/pride/whatever you need right now. Wishing you Merry Holidays and a Happy New Year!

Sorry for the delay! Life has kind of been a lot lately!

This is very sweet to hear, especially because... yeah, things have been a lot, and I've been struggling with feeling really down on myself. So thank you. Hearing that my fic feels like that makes me really happy. ;;

My dad literally just emailed me about a Bunsen & Beaker ornament set he found, so clearly I'm still into them. (I... bought it, too. haha. This is not even my only Bunsen & Beaker ornament.) The Muppets are a real comfort canon for me, so I'm really happy that I was able to share some of that with you.

Honestly, there's something that feels very... idk, genuine about writing and posting fanfic for me. I think fiction only works if you really give yourself over to it, whether that's getting really engrossed in the emotions of fictional characters as the writer or as the person reading it. I don't think it's cringe to be earnest about your feelings. What's the point, really, in being anything but earnest about them? I think it's nice to be able to be genuine about these things. So thank you for being genuine with me. I know that can feel a little vulnerable sometimes.

As for your second ask, which I also saw, anyone is free to DM me whenever they want. I'm not always... super great at responding promptly, especially right now. But yeah, we may not be friends yet, but talking is the only way to get closer. :)

(And you'll have to tell me what the new fandom we share is!)

[burningvelvet]

I agree with every word of this. This topic, this post, this dialogue, are all so important. Reading is good, reading is personal, reading is different for everyone, reading is imaginative, and how you read is your business. Screw anyone who tries to dictate the "right" or "proper" way to read or to learn material; no such thing exists. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to education.

"Selective reading" is its own skillset, and it is worth honing! As OP explained, this means skipping irrelevant sections of a text/only reading what's relevant to your interests. You can never know everything there is to know or read everything there is to read, so you must be selective.

Many professors have even warned me there is such a thing as "over-researching" or having too many sources/citations. For a 10-page paper, I would say anything more than 20 sources is honestly pushing it; some academics use a general rule of "one source per page." This is just another reason why it's better to really focus in on what's actually useful to your specific interests/topics. Academic papers often suffer from being too vague, too large, or too general; these practices are unhelpful for writers and the readers alike.

I've struggled with guilt and embarrassment for not reading as much as some intellectuals/academics/scholars/students do, but you have to be selective with your reading time or else you'll burn out. I'll often just read select chapters from academic books or essay collections, and then I sometimes feel unnecessarily guilty for not "reading enough," even though this approach is completely fine and has many benefits. Another unconventionality I also find preferable is to do a deep-dive/close reading of one book or one topic that I actually love and can hyperfixate on rather than ordinarily reading 10 books or essays which I won't retain as well.

As a literature major with mental health problems, these issues are extremely pertinent to me because I've never been a "conventional" or "model" researcher/reader. I often have to re-read passages because my mind goes off track frequently, I sometimes read in short bursts, I prefer audiobooks for novels (which some people frown upon!), I often read slowly unless I'm fully engrossed with a subject, I often struggle with writer's block, I can never keep up with the assigned reading lists in my classes, I often lose interest in what I'm reading, and so on, and so on. It's up to every person to chart their own path in life, even if it isn't the "typical" path!

i genuinely have no animosity towards ppl who get upset abt not being able to read academic texts + i do think we need to expand the pathways/methods of being exposed to critical concepts so that "sit + read for 2 hours" is not the only option.

however, as someone dx with adhd + incapable of sitting still for even a minute (actually right at this moment i am writing this instead of reading the book sitting open in front of me), i do feel like a lot of ppl do not realize that not all readings are designed to be read like a novel.

as in, it's ok + normal + good to need to reread a paragraph several times, to only read part of a book, to have to research or reference words or concepts in order to grasp the reading, to skip over large chunks of text which are not relevant to your expertise, to continue reading despite not understanding a concept. this is something 'neurotypical' academics do frequently + many of these texts, especially contemporary ones, were designed with this in mind.

there are many ppl with accessibility needs that are not being met by academic texts at this time! many texts (in my humble opinion) are unnecessarily complex in order to show off or hide the fact that they have no idea what they're talking about.

i still feel like many of the kneejerk reactions on this site are based on the assumption that their experience reading academic texts should be similar to their experiences reading a nyt bestseller, rather than a process of thinking, analyzing, researching, processing, returning. some of u are telling yourself that any challenges u face while reading are a result of some internal fault u have + not an expected + precious part of the experience.

[mysticdragon3md3]

There's a weird phenomenon, whenever someone recommends a well-made and highly-acclaimed series to me: I just internally groan and I don't want anything to do with it. It's just…so overwhelming to add ANYTHING to the backlog. The INFINITE BACKLOG! IN MULTIPLE MEDIUMS! ;O;!!!!!!!!!!!

And then every time I have some time to chip away at that backlog, the idea of giving my full attention to something that I know will be engrossing is also overwhelming. Then I end up re-watching a comfort series, or documentary, or more YouTube junk food instead. Whether the show will be engrossing because it's just that good, or because I'll spend the next hour, pausing a 20 minute show, at every 2 minutes, so I can write all my reactions, and then I'll spend the next 1-2 hours afterwards, writing an essay about it, it's just a big time sink trap. Just the idea of starting a show so good that it'll entrap all my attention and time, already makes me feel guilt that I'm not multitasking, or that I'll be tempted to watch more than one episode, instead of getting back to whatever project I'm supposed to be doing… Or what if this series ends up being my next big obsession? What if I can't stop marathoning it, putting off other projects to draw fanart for it, and it just subsumes my entire life??? It's all too overwhelming.

Maybe for the same reasons, I keep endlessly scrolling social media, instead of reading all the accumulated manga, still unread, on my shelves. At least the junk food doesn't hit me with that overwhelm.