#but every so often it overcomes me and i cry a little because like

[stephaniedola]

i miss my stepdad :(

[o-sachi]

Every Single Thing I Have ₊⊹ One Shot

ଳ Character; Michael Kaiser (Bllk)

ଳ Tags; mostly fluff, a bit of angst (happy ending), soft mihya, gn reader, no y/n

ଳ Note; inspired by Two by Sleeping at Last!

Selfish. Manipulative. Cold.

Those were the words often associated to him. You were well aware of what he was like on the field or how he treated others. But you could never seem to agree with them.

To you, Michael Kaiser was the most selfless and loving person you've come across in your life.

Sweetheart, you look a little tired When did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home Stay as long as you need

You knew the hardships that came with dating a football star. Everything else you could stomach, but to be away from him for weeks on end was something you couldn't overcome. So, whenever he left the country, he'd tell you to stay at his place for the time being. It's not quite the same as having him around, but to live in his space was comforting enough.

You'd sleep in his bed, occasionally use his clothes, and even bathe with his shampoo at times—all just to feel that he's right here with you. Sometimes he wonders why you haven't moved in yet.

You'd always say that you want to be financially stable first, not wanting to freeload off of him. But he scoffs each time.

"Love, I don't give a shit about that. I just want you here in my home," he'd always say.

His place was as good as yours. Parts of the apartment were decorated how you'd want it. You even had more products in the bathroom than he did. He'd integrate you in every particle of his life if he could.

Whenever he was around, he made sure you lived like royalty. You aren't allowed to lift a finger on his watch.

"Mihya, can you please just sit down for a moment? You just came home from practice remember?"

As always, he'd ignore you. "I'm only making dinner. No big deal."

"We can have our food delivered, so you can rest. Y'know?"

"And have you eat junk like fast food? No thanks," he retorts. Truthfully, as much as he cared about your health, he actually wanted to cook because it would be faster than waiting for a delivery. It had been hours since his last meal. It was often like that when he had practice. Time flies and eating becomes an after thought. But he never tells you that; he never wants you to worry about him.

You grumble. "Please, Mihya? I'll order us some food and you come here and cuddle with me instead."

You drive a hard bargain, he thought. Food can wait. He shuffled towards you on the sofa and plopped right beside you. His tattooed arm drapes over you in an instant.

You smile, knowing the hold you had over him.

Even with the bags under his eyes, he was still so handsome. Cupping his face, you caressed his cheek with your thumb. "Have you been sleeping well? Look at these bags."

He offers a lopsided smile in return. "If you think I'm ugly just say so."

You giggle at his dramatics. "You are literally the most beautiful man I've laid eyes upon," you say while pinching his cheek. "But seriously, are you getting enough sleep? You work too hard sometimes." He sighs, leaning into your touch. He brings up his hand to hold yours. "I get to sleep beside you later no? That's all that matters to me, love."

Tell me, is something wrong? If something's wrong, you can count on me You know I'll take my heart clean apart If it helps yours beat

If there's one thing in the world he hates more than himself, it was to see you in pain. Your tears were his kryptonite. Part of him hated to see you cry because he loved you too much. But another hated it because it reminded him of all the times he would cry when he was younger.

Hot salty tears triggered him; it stirred unwanted emotions within him. But he had to suck it up whenever you needed a shoulder to cry on. One of you had to stay strong and he'd gladly be the one to fill in the role.

He'd hold you—cradle you until everything was alright again. "Shhh, it's alright I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Kaiser had you in his arms. His grasp was as gentle as his words. It soothed you. Even if your eyes were swollen and muddled with tears, you could still see the pain in his eyes. It tugged at your heart knowing he felt so deeply for you. You'd go on a tangent about how cruel and unfair the world is—and he would agree. He had many things to say as well, but he had to put you first.

You'd cry and cry until you can't anymore. Exhaustion takes over and you simply pass out on his bed, unaware of the inner turmoil brewing inside of him. Kaiser sat beside you, weary face buried in his calloused palms. He wanted to cry as well.

But he couldn't because then you'd wake up.

It's okay if you can't find the words Let me take your coat And this weight off of your shoulders

You were the luckiest person in the world. Kaiser was everything—handsome, talented, financially stable, loving, and secure. At least... that's what you thought.

It wasn't your fault that he had an ongoing battle in his mind. If you knew, no doubt that you would help him. But he made sure to leave you disillusioned with his well-crafted facade.

When he's with you, he's all smiles. He's always strong enough for the both of you. When you're down—he's there to lift you up. And when you're at your highest—he's just right behind you, cheering you on.

He only wallows in his self-pity when he's alone—when you're far away from him. He couldn't bear the idea of you finding out how weak he truly was. He was scared that one day you'll realize what piece of trash he is for lying to you all this time.

Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every Single thing I have

"Love, what do you want for your birthday?" You hum, tapping a finger on your chin as if to show him you were thinking hard. After a while, you come up with your answer.

"I just want you. That's all." His eyes widen for moment, but he quickly composes himself. He knew you were a simple person, but he expected something material... something of value. To think you'd settle for something so little was preposterous.

"That's all? You don't want a necklace or?"

Then your eyes light up. Ah... there it was. He got his hopes up too early. Of course, you want something expensive—something nice that actually had value and—

"How about we make those friendship bracelets? Y'know like we could DIY them with our own beads then make each other a bracelet? Can weeee?"

"For your birthday?" he asked quizzically. Kaiser was taken aback. What about the necklace? Were you really that easy to please? "Yes, for my birthday. I mean... we could go out to dinner or something. I'm fine with anything as long as you're there." He falls silent. Kaiser had never felt this before... the feeling of being needed. He knows he probably looks like an idiot, staring at you like he had seen a ghost. But he couldn't help it. His heart was throbbing and that was the only thing he could focus on.

Your expression drops as soon as you see his blank stare. "Hey... I mean, if bracelets aren't your thing then—" He cuts you off with a hug. It took you a while to reciprocate because it came out of nowhere. Sure, he hugs you all the time, but this hug in particular felt heavy—like it had some meaning behind it.

"Mihya? Are you okay?" you ask, wrapping your arms around him in response. And he'd hold you tighter. He'd screw his eyes shut, savoring your warmth as if it was only temporary. "Let's do those bracelets... just tell me where we can buy the beads."

He would gladly buy every single kind and more. He'd give you everything... everything that he could.

Like a tidal wave, we'll make a mess Or calm waters, if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached

You liked to repay him in little ways. Of course, you weren't required to do so, but you wanted to. It felt like a crime to not give back to the overwhelming love that he offers up to you.

That's why you found yourself in his kitchen at 10 in the evening, hunched over on the counter and eyeing the sorry excuse of a cake you just made.

He had recently won a practice match. It wasn't anything major, but you made it a point to celebrate every single achievement of his. However, it was the first time you attempted to bake something for him. You had envisioned for him to come home from practice and be greeted by a freshly baked chocolate cake.

But you messed it up. Somehow, it ended up both undercooked and overcooked. It was impressive in its own right.

You wanted to start over from scratch, but he was already on his way home. In fact, you were so absorbed in your failure that you missed the sound of the door opening and closing.

"Love? Where are you? I smell something burnt..."

He pokes his head into the kitchen and finds you slumped over with a brown lump on a plate in front of you. He walks over to you and rubs your back comfortingly.

"I wanted to make a cake, but... it looks like shit."

He laughs. "What for?"

Your sad eyes met his amused expression, arms instinctively wrapping around him. You were embarrassed by your subpar baking skills that you had to hide your face from him. "The practice match you won yesterday." His chest booms with laughter and he brings a hand to gently caress your hair. "It's alright, love. I appreciate the gesture." Peeling away from him, you couldn't help but look at the cake with disdain. "Yeah, but it's inedible."

Kaiser raises an eyebrow at you. He picks up the fork nearby and takes a piece of the cake. It was gooier than what you expected. "Hey! Don't eat it!" But it was too late, he had shoved the piece in his mouth and was already chewing. You watched in horror as he swallowed what might be undercooked batter.

"Tastes like cake to me." Your jaw drops. "You could've eaten the cooked part you know?" "Heh, where is the cooked part you speak of?" You pretended to be offended. There probably wasn't any perfectly cooked parts on this cake, but he didn't have to rub it in your face like that.

But you both laughed it off. You spent that night with him chatting over your poor chocolate cake. Kaiser was just happy that you went out of your way to do something for him. Truly, he didn't need anything in return. He loved you because... that's what he thinks he was made for.

The cake was shit, but for some reason it tasted so good when he ate it with you.

It's okay if you can't catch your breath You can take the oxygen straight Out of my own chest

As perfect as you deem your relationship to be, of course, there were misunderstandings here and there. They were usually fixed with a simple "sorry" and a warm hug.

But this time was different. It was a full blown fight. Perhaps both of you were tired and frustrated. Neither of you even noticed it had turned into a shouting match—not until Kaiser felt a familiar and haunting pang in his chest.

Images of his father crossed his mind. He was reminded of the hurtful things the old man hurled at him. Suddenly, he lost the will to fight back. It wasn't long before you noticed the shift in the atmosphere.

Silence enveloped the both of you as you stood apart from each other. You had never seen this expression on his face before. As much as he hated vulnerability, he croaked out words faster than he could realize.

"Please don't leave me."

It was soft enough that if it were any lower, you probably would have missed it. You were frozen in place. You were fighting, but it had never occurred to you the desire to leave him. Why would he say such a thing?

"Mihya?" You cautiously walked towards him and took his hands in yours. "I never thought about leaving you." He focused on the way your thumbs brushed over his knuckles. It was foreign to him—how he could be shouted at and comforted right after.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to think that way," you apologized.

Then... a tear rolled down his cheek. You swore your heart fell to your stomach. Kaiser had never cried in front of you before.

"Mihya? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I promise I'm not going to leave you..."

Your hands let go of his to hold on to his arms instead. "Please talk to me..."

He tried to hide his frown by lowering his head, but his sorrow was palpable. "You promise?"

"I swear on my life."

Your promise only served to coax more tears out of him. As much as he hated his current display of emotions—he couldn't avoid it. The warmth, the happiness, and the security you offer up to him was too much to bear.

He used to think he wasn't deserving of anything close to love, but here you were—proving him wrong time and time again. Maybe... just maybe... he did actually deserve it.

His dream of being loved could become true after all.

I know exactly how the rule goes: Put my mask on first No, I don't want to talk about myself Tell me where it hurts

After that particular fight, you became more observant of him. You felt stupid that you didn't notice his pain sooner. He was too good at concealing his true feelings that you were fooled into thinking that he was okay. But he really wasn't.

However, you knew better than to force it out of him. Slowly but surely, you tried to help him open up to you. But your efforts were futile. He'd always wave it off and smile at you. It was the same smile that had tricked you in the past.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"What about you, love? Have you been taking care of yourself?"

"Don't mind me. I'm strong, right?"

But Kaiser was a liar and you knew. He wasn't fine and he wasn't as strong as he made himself out to be. You both had your own pains, but you wanted both of you to overcome them together.

A frown crossed your face whenever he dismissed your worries, but you knew better than to force it out of him. All you could do is wipe the frown off your face and etch a small smile instead.

One day... one day he'll tell it all to you—when he isn't scared anymore.

I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day I will get Around to fixing myself too

Kaiser thought he was suffocating. But wasn't he asleep? Ah... he was dreaming. There were times when he applauded his mind for being so excellently vivid at imagining the field. He was a master of metavision after all. But this cursed ability made his dreams feel all too real.

The hands that gripped his neck felt far too tangible, like there were fingers constricting his air flow. And those eyes... those eyes that detested him like he was nothing more than trash. The hatred was so conspicuous that it made him sweat in a fully airconditioned room.

After struggling for what seemed like forever, Kaiser snapped out of it. He sat up in bed and looked around. As expected, he was met with darkness; the faint light filtering through the window barely illuminated his bedroom. Frantically, he looked to the side and was pacified momentarily by the sight of you sleeping peacefully next to him.

You had rolled over to the farthest side of the bed, unaware of what was happening to him. Kaiser pulled his knees towards him, resting his elbows on the peaks and burying his face in his palms. He desperately wanted to calm down his racing heartbeat.

Why did he have to infiltrate his dreams? Didn't he torment him enough already? What did he do in his past life that made him deserve this kind of torture? Why?

Why?

Too caught up in his thoughts, Kaiser hadn't noticed the way you stirred in your sleep or how you had noticed that he was awake. Before he knew it, arms had snaked around his waist.

"Why are you still awake?"

You were still groggy, so perhaps you didn't notice the distress written all over his face. But you squeezed him tighter. Your instincts told you that he needed it. And he needed it badly.

"Come back to bed. I'll hold you."

He does what he was told. You slowly pulled him back into bed with you, never letting him go. You scoot closer to him as humanly possible. Kaiser didn't mind that you left no space between the two of you. If he was going to be suffocated, it might as well be by your embrace.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

He felt your breath fan against the warm skin of his neck. Your lips lightly brushed the sensitive skin as you spoke. He reached up to caress your arm, trying to reciprocate the affection you were giving him.

He only hummed in response, not wanting to elaborate further. You were sleepy as it is; there was no need for him to snap you out of your rest for his sake.

"I'll be fine... I have you with me." That's right, he thought. He had you. Everything would be fine if he had you.

Kaiser still had lingering feelings of pain inflicted by the violent hands and the hateful scrutiny of his father. But he hoped that one day you'd wash those feelings away. Kaiser hoped that your gentle touches and loving gaze would make him anew.

Somehow, maybe, you could fix the disaster that was Michael Kaiser.

I don't even know where to start Already tired of trying to recall When it all fell apart

He knew it was wrong to rely solely on you. Happiness came from loving oneself—they say. But it was impossible. Every time he let himself alone with his thoughts it would always make him spiral.

Kaiser watched from the marble counter as you swayed your hips to the funky music that played in the kitchen. You were cooking some fancy dish that he forgot the name of.

As you observed every movement you made, he slowly started to entertain the idea of finally opening up to you. But, as always, the same thoughts hindered him.

What if you look at him differently? What if it pushes you away? What if you realize that maybe his father was right?

It was unlikely, but not impossible—at least that's what his mind would say. But then he was reminded of your face. He could melt whenever he recalled the soft expression on your face as you told him you'd always be there for him.

So... maybe...

"Hey."

You turn around at his call. "What's up?"

He gulps. This is it. "Can we talk after dinner? I have something I want to tell you."

You almost dropped your spatula. "Is it bad? Because if it's bad I won't be able to eat a bite of what I made."

He chuckled. Typical you.

"Don't worry. I just want to tell you a story."

I just want to love you, to love you To love you well just want to learn how, somehow To be loved myself

You were never this engrossed in a story before. No words escaped your mouth. Instead, you nodded along with every word he spoke. You could tell that he was trying his utmost best to keep a neutral face, but your heart broke knowing how caged he must have felt.

He poured his heart out. Kaiser was still scared, that much was true. But he was a point of no return. You already knew much of it, so what was the point of hiding any of his remaining emotions?

He bared it all for you, not missing a detail. He wanted you—desperately wanted you—to understand what he struggled with. He figured that if you did, maybe he'd finally find peace in himself knowing that the person he loves still accepts him despite his faults.

I will love you without any strings attached And what a privilege it is to love A great honor to hold you up

When he exhausted himself of every tidbit of his life, he stared at you and your dumbfounded expression. You had so much to say to him, but at the same time, you didn't know what to say. You wanted to mutter anything—literally anything to at least let him know that you were listening.

"I love you, Mihya."

You blurted out the first thing that came to mind. But really, it was the only thing on your mind. Everything that you wanted to say—the comforting words, the advice—everything boiled down to those 4 words.

He was a troubled man, that much you knew. You weren't ignorant of his attitude when you weren't around. And you knew that he was always keeping some part of himself hidden even from you. Just like him, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders.

Kaiser finally trusted you enough with this. And now you understood why he was such a selfless lover. He valued you so much to the point that he thought you were the best thing he would ever have in his lifetime and he would be a massive idiot to let you go.

He did everything in his power to make you happy and to make you feel loved.

So, wouldn't it be right for you to do the same?

You smile and take his shaking hands in yours. A beautiful promise falls from your lips:

"And I will love you with every single thing I have."

ε( ε ˙³˙)ɜ ｡° ⚬ ｡ likes and reblogs are appreciated

pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms

[wallflowerimagines]

Howdy dowdy, Partner. It's me, ya boi, Skinny Penis.

How would the Lords react to a selectively mute S/O? Especially their reaction to them talking to them for the first time.

I have this mental image of Heisenberg's S/O saying something really casually (while they're relaxing or something), and he just whips around to look at them and he just shouts "hoLY FUCK!"

Saw the first line of this ask and then it was followed by a cute prompt????---

Warnings: swearing, my typical brand of silly

Alcina Dimitrescu

She's so used to your quiet demeanor it's to the point where she COMPLETELY forgot that your silence is a choice.

Alcina quite honestly never expected you to speak to her, and she was mentally planning for the rest of your relationship to be this way -- all of the servants are learning to sign, just in case, and she has pens and paper in every room if you prefer to write as your form of communication.

When you do finally speak up, she's frozen. What.

Oh. You can. You...can speak?

It's one of the times you've ever seen Alcina baffled, because honestly? She has no idea what to do.

However, you can bet she IMMEDIATELY analyses the situation in order to make sure she can get you to keep talking to her. Whatever made this happen needs to be repeated as much as possible -- Now that she knows you can be made comfortable enough to speak, she needs to hear you speak again.

(It might not have been your intention, but you hit her right in the superiority complex. Her partner spoke to HER. JUST her. Exclusively. Alcina is going to be riding this high for decades)

The Lady Dimitrescu is a big believer in positive reinforcement with her loved ones, so you better believe that every time you speak she is extra affectionate, because she does like to hear your voice!💞

Essentially, you have prompted constant affection DO NOT RESIST---

Donna Beneviento

I mentioned this in my other Donna x Mute reader post, but Donna is able to relate to a mute s/o a lot.

She's pretty nonverbal herself, so often you two have moments of quiet peace, where the two of you are doing your own thing together in the same room, taking breaks only to hold hands, cuddle, and kiss each other sweetly.

Truly dreamy💕💕💕

The first time you speak to her though, she's sewing a new outfit for one of her dolls, while you're reading in the setee beside her.

You peak over her shoulder, clear your throat and say: "You're really talented, Donna".

She drops a stitch.

Her face is burning underneath her veil. The first thing you say to her is a complement??? About a skill she is actually proud of??? That's already enough to get her heart stuttering, but you said her name.

It feels like such a small thing, but it sends Donna into a tizzy. Your lips formed the syllables of her name, and she can't get over it. You said a compliment and her name in the same sentence.

She's swooning. Smitten. Overcome.

Expect some flustered giggling and a compliment in return.

Salvatore Moreau

Salvatore has no chill whatsoever.

He literally drops everything and scuttles across the room to stand in front of you, flitting his hands around you in excitement, not quite touching you but close.

He's! So! Excited!

He didn't process what you even said-- you SPOKE TO HIM!!!! Fireworks are going off in his brain, Kool and the Gang are celebrating the good times, life is beautiful and love is in the air....

Moreau is delighted by this development. You feel safe enough around him a monster to vocalize your thoughts. You trust him. He already knew you did, but this is confirmation he didn't even know he wanted. Moreau almost starts crying he's so relieved.

Meanwhile you're repeatedly trying to warn him about the disaster occurring on the stove.

"... Salvatore, honey, the pancakes are burning."

Honey???? HONEY??? Are you TRYING to kill him????

Salvatore staggers on his feet, unintentionally the most dramatic you've ever seen him.

Sighing, you hide a smile behind your palm and give him a little smooch on the cheek before you go rescue your breakfast.

Moreau flatlines. Better give him some mouth to mouth 💗.

Karl Heisenberg

Absolutely shocked the first time you speak.

He's working on a soldat, fully used to the silence as he solders body parts together to make a deadly monster worthy of murdering Mother Miranda.

"You missed a spot--"

jESUS FUCK

Very softly, you speak up again. "At the shoulder. It's not... It's not fully connected."

Heisenberg whips around to just...stare??? At you for a bit?? His face is totally expressionless, but make no mistake his brain is reeling.

What is he supposed to do here? You feel comfortable enough to talk with him--this is a big deal, right? Is he supposed to comfort you? Praise you?

Still, it's not in Heisenberg's nature to make a big deal of things, and he doesn't want to spook you.

Eventually he nods, grunts in acknowledgement, and gets back to work.

Still, your words ring in his ears. Your voice fits you so well? He never really thought about what you sounded like before, but honestly now it's all he can think about.

Much later, when you almost forget about the whole thing, he'll offhandedly say he's proud of you for finally speaking up for yourself.

It's kinda condescending? But you know Heisenberg pretty well, and the fact he refuses to meet your eyes let's you know he's just being his normal, socially stunted self.

Thank him for the "compliment" and you'll get a pleased grin back, as well as a teasing hair ruffle. He's...happy you're comfortable with him.

It just makes your relationship feel even more right. ❤️

[azzibuckets]

Paper Rings [Part 5/10 | Paige Bueckers]

paige bueckers x fem!reader

summary: the morning after

a/n: i love making people cry so some pretty angsty stuff up ahead 😁 forgive me for turning paige into a slight asshole

word count: 1.8k

masterlist w/ all parts

FLASHBACK: 1 YEAR AGO

The green LED light on Paige’s alarm clock blinked 3:07 AM. Paige had been up for the past two hours. Tossing and turning seemed like the right phrase, but she didn’t want to wake you, so all the turmoil stayed inside her head.

A burst of warmth ran through her body and flooded her senses whenever she looked at you. You were curled up against her side, lightly snoring. You looked so soft in the moonlight, and Paige wanted to take a photo of you like this and ingrain it inside her brain. But her mind’s been running non stop for the past 120 minutes, overcome with regret over what you two had just done.

Paige had always known of her tendencies. She wouldn’t call herself a player, because she never intentionally led girls on. She always made it clear to her one night stands what they were - a hookup, with no strings attached. But some girls never seemed to get it. Every so often there would be someone who got attached to Paige after just one night together and ended up leaving her apartment in tears, cursing her name. She hated when that happened, hated seeing them cry.

So she vowed to herself never to sleep with you. Not because she didn’t want you, because God knows how many sleepless nights she spent in this very bed, dreaming about the pink of your lips and the curve of your hips. But because she knew how complicated things would get. Your friendship was the one thing that had remained stable in Paige’s life the past few years. There mere thought of losing you made her heart pound and head throb.

So Paige had stayed strong. Never mind all those moments where her hands had lingered on your waist a little too long, or the fact that the wallpaper of her lock screen and home screen were both pictures with you, or the fact that you were the only person pinned on her messages app besides her family. She knew she couldn’t have you.

Paige brushed a strand of hair from your eyes, letting the pad of her thumb trail down your cheek. You stirred in your sleep, a smile drifting faintly across your lips, and shifted closer to her, burying your face in her abdomen. And in that moment, Paige realized two things.

#1. She was in love with you. Yeah, she’d always loved you as a friend. You were thoughtful and supportive, a best friend a person could ask for. But beyond that, you made her feel seen. To you, Paige wasn’t just a basketball player or a pretty face. You had broken through her barriers and made the effort to know her on every level, and that was what Paige in love with you.

#2. She didn’t deserve you. Paige thought back to all those times she’d canceled on movie nights because somehow she’d ended up again at the bar with her teammates, flirting with pretty girls while the prettiest girl sat alone in her room. Or when she’d briefly dated Anna, who had apparently been cold to you for their entire relationship, always making snide comments when Paige wasn’t around. But you had saw how happy Paige was (but not as happy as she was whenever she was with you), and had kept silent, not wanting to ruin Paige’s relationship. And even though Paige had broken up with Anna as soon as she’d found out about her behavior, she couldn’t quiet the voices in her head blaming her for letting someone treat you like that. You were the best person in the world, Paige thought. And you deserve someone who can give you all of that. Not me.

So after having come to those two conclusions, Paige knew what she had to do.

——————————-

You woke up in a daze. Checking your phone, you realized it was only 8 AM. Tired, you slumped back into the pilllow. The events of last night only came back to you when you moved the sheets of Paige’s bed and saw your bra.

You couldn’t help but smile as memories of fisted sheets, shaking legs, and hands intertwined in each other’s hairs came flooding back. You pressed your fingers to your lips, the lips that Paige had kissed over and over again just hours before. You and Paige had slept together, and everything had felt so right. And god, that was the best head you’d ever gotten.

Getting up, you heard clattering in the kitchen and footsteps outside. Assuming it was Paige, you didn’t bother to cover up when the door swung open, but your mouth fell open when you came face to face with Azzi.

“Oh my god!” Azzi shrieked. Both of you stared at each other for a second before you grabbed the comforter off Paige’s bed to cover your body. “Get out, get out, get out!” you yelled.

Azzi slammed the door. Heart beating fast, you rushed to find your clothes. “Did I just see what I thought I saw?” Azzi yelled from the other side of the door.

“Azzi Fudd, I will smack you,” you yelled back as you started to pull on your jeans.

“Did you and Paige sleep together?” She screamed. “Oh my god, she’ll kill me if she finds out I walked in on you like this.”

You fiddled with the buttons on your jeans. “That’s why we’re gonna keep this a secret. You’re not gonna tell anyone we slept together.”

“What?! But now Aaliyah and Nika owe me twenty dollars,” she complained.

You tugged on your shirt. “I’m gonna pretend that you didn’t just tell me that three of our closest friends made a bet on us sleeping together.” You opened the door and glared at a sheepish Azzi. “Now where the hell is Paige?”

“I dunno. I heard her leaving an hour ago. I thought I was home alone. You scared the shit out of me,” Azzi side eyed your sex and bed hair, and you ran your hand through it, trying to make it look less messy. “So, how was it?” Azzi leaned towards you with a sly smirk on her face. “Was it good?”

“Oh my god, Azzi.” You pushed her out of the way and grabbed your purse from the couch. “I’m leaving. You better keep your mouth shut.”

“No promises!” Azzi called after you, cackling as you left the apartment.

—————————

5 DAYS LATER

“Open the fucking door, Bueckers.” You rapped on the door of Paige’s apartment, impatiently tapping your foot as you waited.

After you heard noises from inside but she still refused to open the door, you knocked even harder. “I know you’re in there, asshole. Azzi told me you’ve been in here the entire day.”

Finally the door swung open, and I laid eyes on Paige for the first time since we’d slept together 5 days ago. Her hair was in a messy low bun, and she was wearing her grey UConn sweatpants and a sports bra. You ignored the blush that rose from your neck from seeing her bare abdomen, all sculpted and taut, and instead glared at her.

“What the fuck, Paige? You haven’t responded to any of my texts and calls in the last week. Are you seriously ghosting me?” You pushed past her into the apartment.

Paige stared at you, still not saying anything. The last five days had been hell. You knew that sleeping with your best friend would change things. It would be awkward, and unsure, but you and Paige have always been able to figure everything out. So you didn’t expect for her to drop all communication with you, leaving you alone in bed the morning after and then ignoring all your attempts to talk to her after.

Paige smirked at you, but it wasn’t tantalizing and seductive like the last time you saw her. It was sharp, calculated, like she knew something that you didn’t. “Damn, I was that good, wasn’t I?”

“Paige, I need you to be serious right now.” Your voice was rising in pitch, your frustration showing. “We need to talk about us.”

Paige folded her arms, and she had never looked so distant. “What is there to talk about?”

You pushed her, not hard, but enough for her to stumble back. “Okay, so you fucked your best friend, and now you don’t even wanna talk about it?”

Paige swallowed, and she looked away. “We lost in the Final Four that night.”

“Yeah, so?” Your face was flushed red with anger, and you felt hot all over. “What’s that gotta do with anything?”

She turned back to look at you. Her face was impassive now, and you wondered at who this girl in front of you was. It seemed like you didn’t even know her, this version of Paige. “It was a tough game,” she said curtly. “I needed to blow off some steam, and you were there.”

I needed to blow off some steam, and you were there.

You physically recoiled. Those words resounded in your mind, ricocheting from every corner, repeating itself until you went numb. You tasted something bitter in your mouth, a confirmation of what you had been worrying yourself sick about 24/7 for the past several days. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

Paige regarded you coolly. “I’m starting to get the feeling that you thought that night was a declaration of love or something. I mean yeah, you weren’t bad for your first time, but it was just sex.”

A jumble of something terrible and bitter began brewing in your stomach. It was a mixture of anger, and horror, and shock and pain, threatening to spill over. You didn’t know whether you wanted to sob or throw up. That night you had basically admitted to Paige that you had wanted her for so long but…had you been so foolish to believe that she actually liked you back?

“You’re really nothing but a slut, huh,” you scoffed. You felt like a dagger was stabbing you, brutally piercing you in the heart as those words were spit from your mouth, but you were so angry, so furious, you couldn’t stop. “You don’t care about anything but getting laid. You’re so fucking shallow.”

For a moment, you thought you saw hurt flash through Paige’s eyes. But she quickly recovered, and her face turned stony again. “I’m not the one who was like a little fan girl, so desperate that you jumped on me as soon as I gave you the chance.” Her lip curled.

We, whatever we were, were over, and we both knew it. We were throwing out insults, maiming each other in an attempt to mollify our own hurt. We were drowning, and you knew it, god you knew it, your lungs felt on fire and you felt like you were losing everything in my life all at once. And you were too weak to stop it. Too cowardly to apologize, to take all your words back, to tell her you loved her so much, that you would be willing to stay friends and only friends and ignore the fact that you were heads over heels for her, just so she would stay in your life and you could go back to what you were before you made the most stupid decision of your lives.

But none of that came out. Instead, you said words that you didn’t mean.

“Don’t talk to me ever again, Bueckers. I fucking hate you.”

“Gladly.”

[jeonqkooks]

a fluff drabble ; 37 & 50 w the supernova couple:(

ways to hold the sun | jjk

SUPERNOVA SERIES MASTERPOST

pairing: jungkook x f!reader prompts: "you wrote me a song?" + "this isn't adrenaline, i want to spend the rest of my life with you." rating: PG genre/warnings: established relationship, idol au; fluff, itty bitty angst (for the supernova peeps?! shocking :o); kissing, implied smut, jk rides a motorcycle, unedited bc yolo 🤷‍♀️ word count: 1.8k note: thank you so much anon for sending in this request!! i'm almost a year late to this but like i always say, better late than never right? lol. anyways, this request gave me the chance to wrap up their story with a neat little bow. i can't believe this is the last thing i'll write for supernova :( this series will always be one of my personal favorites and i'm so emo that i'm ending their story with this drabble. but, they'll always have a special, special place in my heart and i'll always love them <3

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

How do you hold the sun?

The answer is simple.

You hold him with two arms wrapped around his waist - tightly, because it feels like he holds your life in the palm of his hand. In more ways than one, he does.

You hated that motorcycle that he loved so much, calling it unsafe even though he isn't reckless at all. He may be a daredevil sometimes, and the most adventurous compared to his hyungs, but Jungkook would never neglect his safety. He returns home to you every day, that's always his number one priority.

He'd convinced you to let him take you out on his motorcycle today, to this spot he knows just outside of the city to watch the sunset together. You'd been against the idea at first, but it was a losing battle and you were all too aware of it. Once he'd whipped out a pout and big puppy dog eyes, you knew you'd cave.

Now, as you sit behind him, holding onto him like a koala as the bike moves smoothly along with the wind, you're glad that you'd agreed to let him do this. The city grows smaller, and it feels like all of your worries seem more and more insignificant - manageable, like something you could easily overcome - by the second, until the whole skyline can fit into one single frame.

It feels nice, hiding in plain sight. The ridiculously chunky helmets that sit securely on your heads shield you from any and all outsiders. You can squeeze him as tightly as you want even at the red lights, and he can hold your hand without the fear of being recognized. To anyone else, you're just two lovebirds and a license plate. Two people in love. It's the most normal thing in the world.

When you arrive at your destination and he takes off his helmet, the radiance of his grin almost knocks you off your axis. It's ever-bright, filled with so much happiness that could make you cry for some reason. You'll never understand how a person can be the entire universe, so wonderful and spectacular and magnificent, but he is. He always will be.

There's that one poem that you hold close to your heart. Sometimes, when you retrace the words in your mind, you think it must have been written for you and him. "We deserve a soft epilogue, my love," it reads. "We are good people and we've suffered enough."

You aren't sure if you're a good person, but as he kisses you with so much love that must rival any other love in all of history, you think you do deserve a soft epilogue.

Your mother often says that good things should be repeated three times.

You and him.

You and him.

You and him.

How do you hold the sun?

You hold him with your fingers intertwined with his, a soft smile on your face, and dozens of polaroids scattered across the floor.

"Just one more," Jungkook says, reaching for the purple Instax again.

"Stop!" you laugh, lightly pushing him away when he tries to point the lens in your direction. "You've said that twenty times in the last two hours."

This is a new hobby that he's taken up. Ever since Hoseok gifted him the damn camera, it's all that Jungkook has been doing. To say that he was obsessed would probably be an understatement. He snaps photos of everything and nothing, of his meals whenever you draw a heart on his plate with the mayonnaise, of the crescent moon outside the window at night, of himself as he makes silly faces at the camera.

But most of all, he takes photos of you.

He keeps so many of them in his wallet that the stack of polaroids dedicated to you is thicker than all of his cash, which is to say that there's a lot. He keeps one in the pocket of every coat, because he said every time he reaches inside for warmth and finds a piece of you there, it makes him smile and forget that he's even cold at all. You'd nearly melted when he told you that. It was so earnest and pure that it almost made you feel guilty for ever thinking there'd come a day where the adoration he had for you could fill anything less than the sky.

"Please?" Jungkook pouts, before pulling you closer and kissing your cheek sweetly. "I need just one more for my new coat."

At this point, it's not a matter of having enough polaroids for his coats anymore. It's a matter of having enough coats for his polaroids.

You roll your eyes with playful endearment, but you allow him regardless. It shoots pure serotonin through your veins when he grins. He lets go of your hands to hold the camera, immortalizing the grin that you mimic, a contented sigh leaving him as he takes the shot. He tells you he loves you afterward, like it's such a privilege to be able to have you at all.

No one ever warns you that when the sun holds you back, your heart will feel so full that it might just stop beating altogether.

How do you hold the sun?

You hold him with your face tucked safely in the crook of his neck, his arm around your body, rubbing odd patterns on your bare back.

You're both calming down from the hour-long session of twisting around in the sheets on a lazy Sunday morning, your only witness being the sunlight that creeps in through the slit between your curtains. Jungkook hums a tune that you're unfamiliar with, and the soft vibration of his chest almost lulls you to sleep again.

"What song is that?" you mumble, your eyes fluttering close.

"Your song."

"Hmm?" You don't quite register what his answer, you already have one foot in dreamland already. "My song?"

"Wrote it for you."

And suddenly, just like that, you're wide awake.

He presses an absentminded kiss against your hair, like this is all just common information.

"Huh?" You push yourself up to prop your upper body on one elbow, looking down at him with a slight frown. "You wrote a song for me?"

"Yeah," he chuckles at your reaction. His other hand that isn't touching your back comes up to brush your hair away from your face, tucking it delicately behind your ear. If you weren't too focused on a different issue, you would blush, even though this is something he's done a million times. "I wrote a song for you."

"Be serious."

"I am serious."

"How?" you ask, unbelieving. "When? Why?"

"What do you mean how? It's literally my job," he laughs, pulling you flush against his body again. "Why? Because I love you. When? I started writing it after we first met."

"Jungkook," you breathe, full of teary-eyed affection as you press a kiss to his jawline, his neck, the top of his shoulder, anywhere you can reach while he's embracing you this tightly.

You repeat his name three times, then three more, then three more, until you're a broken record and he has to shush you with a kiss, one that makes your knees buckle even though you're already lying in bed.

If the world wanted to take him away from you again, you really wouldn't be able to survive. So you hold him desperately, thinking that you never want to let him go. Praying that the world will let you keep him this time.

How do you hold the sun?

You hold him with all your might, even though you're blinded by how bright he shines. Even though he's the source of all life, and you're just a flickering light that can be snuffed out at any moment.

You're always the first person that he looks for. He runs to you at full speed, picks you up with his arms around your waist and spins you around despite your flushed cheeks indicating embarrassment as everyone - the staff and his members included - chuckles fondly at the sight. You can still hear the crowd out there chanting their names, still buzzing with postshow excitement. Jungkook is buzzing too, that much is clear.

You know he misses this - the stage, the fans, the bond he shares with all the people that adore him. It's in his eyes, the way they sparkle so brilliantly that could put stars to shame. If you were any good with words, you would write whole novels about the light in his eyes.

He presses you against the wall while everybody else carries on with their business. You suppose they're used to this from the two of you. The staff hurries to clear the set, moving equipment from backstage to the vans outside so they could finally wrap up an exhausting day. The boys shuffle wordlessly to their dressing rooms to wind down, to bask in the high that only the stage could bring them.

Jungkook peppers kisses all over your face, his nose bumping your skin as he moves from your forehead to your cheek, the bridge of your nose, to your jawline, to your chin, to your lips. You giggle quietly as you let him shower you with affection, the palpable love seeping through every kiss.

That is, until he says something that makes you stop breathing completely.

"Marry me."

You stare at him, dumbfounded, as you try to make your brain work again. His chocolate orbs stare back at you, and it feels like looking at the night sky on a cloudless night to find the entire galaxy twinkling, smiling down at you. It's unfathomable how you could be loved by someone like him.

"Marry me. Please, marry me." he says again, his fingers caressing your face like you're the most precious being he's ever seen. Before you can open your mouth to answer him, he continues, "This isn't adrenaline. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

You know you're nothing compared to him who lies in the center of the universe. You will never be able to shine as brightly as he does, not even a fraction.

You know you're nothing compared to him, and yet, he revolves around you regardless. To the rest of the world, you're insignificant. You're merely a soul among billions of others. If you were to disappear one day, you don't think a lot of people would care.

But to him, you're everything. You're the reason he exists, you're his favorite person in the whole wide world, you're the only one who will ever have his heart, you're his soft epilogue. He doesn't dim his light for you, and he should never have to. Instead, he lifts you up. He makes you shine too, even if it's only the two of you who see it. It's only you and him, but it's more than enough. It's the only thing that matters.

So, the question remains: How do you hold the sun?

The answer, in the end, is simple.

You hold him with love.

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 25.06.23]

[itscontinental]

Q #1488 Q #206 Pages are independent to one another although engaged in same cluster of conversation. They are both responses to options on Q #1819.

You may explore the conversation if you choose--just chooseL comment, ask, or message Any page Anywhere European Style

TRANSCRIPTION OF TEXT AS IT WOULD PLEASE US:

Q #1488

We all had parties. Things were festive; Things were fun but in a different way, there was an extra layer, there was mystery, magic; they beleived. They knew... well... for the most part... or... In truth, It was case to case culture to culture, some got it all right. Others understood on occasion, and otherwise intuited things (mad and inebriated in most cases) with no tangible evidence at all. these could be dangerous, their parties no fun... The inventive nature of man, the volatile genius of your brethren applies to all fabrications, including those of the mind and the cloud of legion... But my people! They celebrated because they believed in ME! And although I spared them my presence...my... well... they loved me! And And their revelry echoed so sweetly I would cry and dance and show every kindness to whatever company was elected to join me, bracing the stone around them as often as I could so it would not bury into their necks and begin to tear and bleed. I would offer them the option to lay for the entirety of their stay; but they loved me. They tried so hard and stood and sat and spoke their best and... and... I spoke little. Sparing them the nature of my voice--bless them. There are some that truly believe now but they are far from a majority. And despite our congregations, such fewer had we than he does and such smaller were we even then than now he is now. But this was before, and we were not concerned with his presence yet, party after party, theme after theme, all of them (all of mine) believing, as they looked out to the stars, beyond doubt --Often missing us completely which would make us laugh, or would, when I would frequent the firmament. They all knew where I was... bless them... How could they not believe... 1. What were your siblings parties like. Specifically, what went on and how many were had? 2. And where they hedonistic. Oh pray, tell how bad.

3. What did you all look like back then? Like the paintings? Like the statues? They differ so dramatically at times. How did you appear upon them? On, what did you appear upon? Q #206 No... not the kind of love you speak of, and not with a bride. Perhaps I was more hideous then. And I am hideous now... Kindness again. I fed them too much because they seemed too hungry. Gave them all I had. And they loved me. They truly did: Did sisters; did mothers; did their young... They loved me and would endure to know me as a mercy... Mercy for the merciful. I tell myself I did not rape them. I hope I didn't. They did love me. I knew this. But they came to me shuddering, wincing, tears were shed at the sound of my speak... But they came willingly and... and I would accept. Because I was alone. Because I was hideous and lonely. They were not afraid that I would hurt them. They only feared my likeness as perhaps it should haunt them like a curse: a face better left unseen, a voice better left unheard... And although they offered themselves often with no vision, by way of encasing Stone. Their pity could not overcome their dread. Some carry bells, those like myself who choose to walk the streets, that people may hear and avert their gaze. I hear it is quite a sight, crowds, cowering, covering eyes and ears, some noses as there are those who emit the stench, and praying respects outloud, singing the pariahs praise, a chorus of holy love surrounding the bells as they ring and the voices cracking and croaking in in horror and considerable shame. Its considerate, the bells, but i'd rather not hear the way that chorus sounds. And in any case, what street have I ever walked in my lifetime at my size, it was a ridiculous concept for something like me... So I was Loveless. Loveless not for what I'd lost but hideous for what I'd done. Undressing for them so desperately. Perhaps the effort was pathetic in the grand sum of things, but I had to, I felt I had no choice. I loved them. It was Instinct. And then I was naked, and they we safe, vomiting, praising my namesake and vomiting and averting their eyes. And myself, quickly bouldering in laurel, naked as they wrote their songs of my goodness... I searched for skin and found only stone and sought a place where I could moan and moan... But the parties... The parties doubled, tripled in size. They loved me more than any other, They love me the most... a. I did have children though. There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I loved them trifling as they may have been. And one remains around at that. b. Have you been naked with an insect as well?

[spidergutz-writes]

What are some fluff hcs that you have for any and all of your handsome boys?? How would you spend a day with them? What are dates each of them would take you on?

meadow! Your spoiling me with all these delicious and amazing ideas!!

I’ll actually probably make this in 2 or 3 parts just so I can fit all mah bois :) (if requested, I will also add in some of my favorite gals!)

RED GUY:

Hand holding to the max!!

could be watching the most horrific thing unfold infront of him, and his hand would still be slotted in with yours

making dinner? He’s holding your hand.

watching tv? He’s holding your hand.

sleeping? Yup, he’s holding your hand!

he's a very shameless person when it comes to the softer things in your relationship

will not hesitate to pull you into his lap for cuddles.

also won’t hesitate to cling to you on every part of the day.

your cooking? Well so is he, now.

he loves cooking with you. It’s just so…normal.

normality is not something he experiences a lot, so even when you two are doing simple and mundane things, he enjoys it to the fullest :)

bro's sense of humor is so bad, but it gets to the point where it’s so ungodly terrible, that it becomes funny.

“Hey...what do you call a prisoner walking downstairs?”

“i dunno..What do ya call 'em?”

“..a CONDESCENDING… :D”

he thinks he’s funny, so please laugh :((

dates include him and you cooking a dessert of some sort.

his favorite is making apple cobbler pie with you :3

often you’ll end up with flour hand prints on your ass and some whipped cream on your nose.

he's just a silly guy doing silly things with his ooohh sooo silly partner!!

-----------------------------

JIN BUBAIGAWARA: (what? He dies? No. No he doesn’t. Not here. He lives. That’s the reality we have here. Deal with it. Go argue with the wall idc.)

my sweet sweet baby boy. Where should I start?

okay, before he overcomes his trauma:

Took his mask off infront of you once, and now he can’t stop.

hes addicted to how you kiss his scar

how you coo at him and tell him he’s so handsome 🥺

Will fight for you if it’s serious. He’s still scared he’s a clone :((

will stand up for you tho

anyone says anything bad about you? He’s cursing them out while his alter ego is making weirdly terrifying threats.

”YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, HUH?” “I hope you sleepwalk into oncoming traffic...” “DONT YOU FUCKIN SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY PARTNER” “I hope everyone you love leaves you.…”

Dates consist of you two sitting on top of rooftops while having a picnic. Talking shit, cuddling, and eating.

you two end up falling asleep in each others arm a lot, admiring the sunset or the moon.

he is a human heating pad. Like seriously. You don’t need a blanket when he’s around

Loves lying on his back with you laying on his chest :)

is a little shy :(

Thinks you don’t want others to know you two are a thing :(((

but when you hold his hand in public or in front of the league? He melts.

When you first kissed his lips over the mask in public? He cried a little

tears of joy :)

can’t cook for shit. That man burns water.

don’t ask me how, but you tasked him to make breakfast one morning, and a fire broke out.

there was also mayonnaise on your ceiling. Again, don’t ask, not even he knows.

--------------

Simon Riley "Ghost" (this motherfucker doesn't die either. if anyone tells me otherwise, meet me at the Arby's parking lot at 6, BECAUSE I WILL FIGHT YOU)

oh my lawdy lawd. he is just SO FINE, WHERE DO I EVEN START??

this man has issues. he's really touch starved, but doesn't know how to accept any light touches.

he might shy away from your light advancements, because he's so used to any physical bringing harm or ill intent towards him.

but when you kiss his cheek, and hug his (slutty) little waist, he folds like a lawn chair on a hot summer day.

will scream, cry, throw up, roll on the ground, and promptly die if you ever serve him tea in a bowl (the French do this.)

likes to go to the gym with you. he loves to see you work out iykwim.

Ghost has never been a man for soft things, but he Isn't Ghost with you. With you, he's Simon Riley, a man who longs to have a sense of normalcy, a man who wants to take you out to nice restaurants, and a man who wants to bend down on one knee for you, and ask that burning question that lays in the back of his mind 24/7

he wants to do all of those things, but its going to take time. his insecurities tell him you deserve a man who can do more for you, but as always, you wash those thoughts away for him.

for now, his dates consist of concealed places, like the safety of either his, or your home, where he can take off his mask, safely. sitting, watching movies, drinking wine or scotch, and cuddling.

He's a big advocate on "actions speak louder than words" so he doesn't say "I love you" too often, but when he does say it? you better get the tissues. because he only says it during a really vulnerable moment of his, like when he's calming down from a PTSD induced flashback, or a panic attack, or when its late, in the middle of the night, when he knows its just him and his demons awake, with you sleeping soundly in his arms.

believe it or not, THIS MAN CAN COOK-

listen, i know he's British, and i know he's in the military, but that man just radiates "I'll make you a five star meal before i snap your neck"

he is a god when it comes to making steak. give him a basic ass steak, some spices, and a few other side ingredients and he'll give you a true taste of heaven. A taste of heaven from a man from hell.

we love him all the same though <3

--------------

holy fucking hell this took WAY too long, and I took some extra time on Ghosts.

as always, any type of constructive criticism is appreciated, no matter how harsh or small it is <3

[ghuleh-recs]

It's @leezlelatch's birthday!! To celebrate, I put together a list of some of her greatest hits (in my humble opinion). I need to point out that it is taking every ounce of self-control I have not to just recommend everything she has ever written. If you want to read about sexy papas with FEELINGS, look no further. She writes some of the best Copia (emotional) hurt/comfort I have ever read. Her writing never fails to have me kicking my feet and blushing (and sometimes crying lol). Happy Birthday Leez!! Thank you for sharing your gorgeous words with us!

recs under the cut.

Brightness at the Heart of My Love - Copia x Reader

Nervous about your first time together, Cardinal Copia invites you to dinner.

Copia is quiet for several seconds, prompting you to look back up at him from your plate. He’s smiling very softly, cheeks tinted pink. There’s a sweetness to his gaze that halts your every thought, dazzled by him. There is something about Copia that is so…lovely. His features are harsh at times, stern and shadowed. Like a wraith, he passes through the hallways of the Ministry at twilight, swathed in the black of his cassock. When he dons the crimson cassock, he looks more like red death stalking abroad than the temperate Cardinal you’ve come to cherish. Little does the congregation know that he enjoys the serenity of the gardens before dark. That he often sneaks off to the kitchens for a sweet or to “borrow” some blueberries for his rats. That he’s never seen the movie Titanic because he knows he’ll bawl his eyes out. When he smiles, you understand what love is. Copia is the most beautiful man you have ever seen.

The World We Knew - Terzo x Reader

You spend your evenings writing at the old diner in town, looking for your next great story idea. And then Terzo Emeritus walks through the door.

As he lifts the mug to his lips, his eyes catch yours. His left eye isn’t milky, the iris is entirely white, pupil like a pinprick. God, you just wanna fling your laptop across the room. You are so goddamn nosy, and look what happened. Embarrassed, and thoroughly blushing, you look away for a moment before compelled, you return his odd gaze. He smiles at you and tips his mug in greeting before taking that first sip which prompts a satisfied sigh to escape that perfect mouth and you want to die. 

Nave of Hearts - Secondo x Reader

Do you believe in love at first sight? Secondo didn't, until he saw you.

Sitting at the very end of a pew, several rows back, you catch his cold stare, nod your head, and smile. Secondo’s fingers dig into the arm of his chair to prevent them from clasping at his chest as his heart begins a frenetic beat against his ribs. His eyes widen, his jaw clenches, and he stares at you so intently, Secondo is sure that you’ll be frightened away by the madness of his expression. Would the Brother sitting next to you catch the menacing glare of the former Papa and warn you away? Away from the angry, bitter old man who stalks the halls in his retirement.  You tilt your head slightly and widen your eyes in a similar manner, a playful smirk on your lips, and Secondo must have made a noise because Terzo glances over at him with a raised brow. The chapel is so bright suddenly, color exploding across the dark paraments and pews. The sun winks off the silver chalice on the altar, watering Secondo’s eyes. The air is clear, and he breathes deeply, overcome by the sudden and desperate need to know everything about you.

Alyssum - Primo x Reader

Life with Primo is a beautiful story told through flowers.

“Alyssum,” Primo’s warmly accented voice sends a butterfly fluttering about your stomach, and you turn to watch as he takes off his soil-stained gloves, laying them casually to the side. “Worth beyond beauty. And you, my petal, are worth far more than any flower I have ever grown.” His lips twitch with a smile. “Sì, you are beautiful as well. Perhaps tomorrow will be purple heather.”

Just a Nibble - Secondo x Reader

Nights with Papa Emeritus II are always interesting.

“Just there, amore,” Secondo sighs, relaxing into the heating pad with a soft groan. You ensure the warmth is placed right along his lower back comfortably so he can rest against the pillows in the shared afterglow of your lovemaking. “Grazie, grazie. Now come to your Papa.” “Come to your Papa, come for your Papa,” you muse with a teasing grin. “So demanding these days, Secondo.” You slide under the covers next to him and squeak with surprise as he hooks an arm around your waist and drags you across the sheets to nestle against his side.

Lust in Your Eyes - Copia x Reader

The Cardinal waits for you in your room…but sometimes, he's impatient.

Abandoning the shelf of records, he sits down on your bed, running his hand across the comforter. With a sigh, Copia falls back, closing his eyes as your scent envelopes him. He turns on his side and follows the pattern of the bedspread with a single finger, a crooked smile on his lips as he thinks about the very naughty things the two of you have gotten up to in this very bed.  He turns his nose into the soft material, taking a deep breath, his mouth falling open slightly. He turns onto his stomach, drawing his legs up as he skims the tip of his nose across the length of the bed, crawling forward until he reaches your pillow. 

𖤐 you know the drill--bookmark, read, and leave kudos/comments!

(I think it would be such a nice birthday gift for you to leave a comment on any of these, don't you?)

[angelasscribbles]

Solace

Fandom: Heaven’s Secret

Pairings: Adi x MC

Word Count: 1,647

Rating: NSFW

Warnings for this chapter: Lemons 🍋🍋🍋

A/N: So I rewrote the one and only sex scene RC gave us for these two because I thought there was a lot of untapped emotion there.

My other stuff: Master List.

Image Credit: Romance Club official Instagram.

Adi had stopped talking. I didn’t want to press him, but I wasn’t leaving him alone, so I studied the unused ballroom I had followed him to.

The window we stood in front of was magnificent, blue, green, and purple stained glass stretching from floor to ceiling and sparkling in the early afternoon sun. Ivy grew through the cracks of the crumbling brick surrounding the window, giving the entire room an abandoned feel.

Tables and chairs were stacked along the far wall, but the vast majority of the room was empty and even our hushed voices seemed to reverberate in the silence.

“How do you deal with grief on earth?” His voice was laced with so much pain it rendered me speechless for a moment. My body and heart were frozen by the anguish in his tone.

When I didn’t answer, he elaborated. “People die so often there….”

Like my mother.

Like me.

The image of my father’s grief-stricken face swam before my eyes.

What did I know about healing? I was still raw and ragged from the loss of my own mortal life. And despite the fact that she had died when I was very young, I was not over my mother’s death. Although, with time, I had learned to live with it.

I gave him the best answer I had. “There’s nothing to do but give it time.”

“Time to do what? To go crazy?” He covered his face with one hand and turned away, hiding the tears that slipped unbidden from his eyes, streaking his cheeks, giving proof of his sorrow and heartbreak.

I had no words of comfort to offer. I knew from experience that no matter how well-meaning, words were meaningless, offering little solace against the wretched misery of loss.

“Adi…” I stepped up behind him and wrapped my arms around him. I pressed my body tightly against his trying to convey with physical touch all the love and grief in my heart. For Sammy, but also for him.

For my sweet, sarcastic, adventure-loving Adi. My heart broke for him. The one left behind. The one forced to pick up the pieces and go on living somehow. There is nothing that prepares you for a loss of that magnitude. No road map that tells you where to go, no playbook that tells you what to do, no guide that tells you what you’re going to feel or how to overcome it.

He was drowning in hopelessness, and I was desperate to pull him back. To pull myself back.

Because once I opened the door that grief lived behind, it all came pouring out. I may have started crying because of Sammy, but as the sobs tore through my body, I was suddenly grieving every loss I’d ever had, every bit of pain I had been shoving down deep inside came crashing through the wall I tried so desperately to keep in place. Growing up without my mother, being ripped away from my father in the prime of my life, losing the purest soul I’d met here, watching Adi sink into desolation and plunge toward despair.

He spun abruptly in my arms, so we were facing each other. He buried his head in the side of my neck as sobs wracked his body. He was crying. I was crying. We clung to each other as if our lives depended on it.

Pain, anguish, and inconsolable grief raged through us both. And yet we did console each other. Our bodies pressed together gave some slight comfort. The warmth of his body, the firmness of his embrace, the life struggling within him, called to the life struggling within me.

He was so close. His body pressed into mine, his breath on my neck, his fingers digging into my back, all gave rise to a different, but just as primal, emotion.

One moment we were crying in each other’s arms, and then suddenly we were kissing. His lips crashed against mine. Our tears mingled together. All the pain and anguish transmuted into something hotter as passion flared into existence.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” With several deep shuddering breaths, he pulled away and wiped at the wetness coating his cheeks.

I stood rooted to the spot. “Adi?”

He lifted his eyes to mine; bare inches separated us. I could feel his energy pulsing between us. The mood in the room had shifted.

He lunged forward, grabbing me around the waist and yanking me back to him. His mouth was on me again, fervent kisses trailing down my jawline and dancing across my neck. His hands pulled frantically at my clothes.

I responded in kind, letting the fire of ardor temporarily burn away the endless aching agony of grief.

My clothes lay in a heap on the floor. I was naked before him. He pulled back long enough to gasp out, “Are you sure?”

I nodded my consent, my head too clouded with an overwhelming assault of conflicting emotions to speak.

He spun me around so my back was to him and spread my arms above my head, forcing me to rest them against the stained glass.

And I let him. I let him because I understood this wasn’t about love or even sex. It was about finding a way back from all that pain, finding a way to beat back the grief through the most basic affirmation of life.

He entered me roughly. I rested my cheek against the sun-heated glass and let my mind go blank to everything but the prurient primordial sensations that were cascading through my body.

His hand covered mine, fingers twining as he slammed into me again and again.

His body moved against mine, his energy wrapped around me, and deep, guttural sounds issued from the back of his throat, all conspiring to push me ever closer to the edge of the precipice.

I struggled to keep quiet as my naked body pressed against the smooth glass of the window, its warmth in sharp contrast to the cold bite of the ambient air surrounding us.

I failed. A high-pitched whine spiraled out of me as he pounded ruthlessly into me.

“Quiet.” his hot breath in my ear only sent me hurtling faster toward the edge.

Ignoring his directive, I threw my head back and lost myself completely in the fire that was throbbing through my body and the heat that was coiling tightly in my center.

As my whine built in both volume and pitch, his hand covered my mouth and I bit down on it, stifling my screams. I crashed over the edge and fell into the abyss, my mind blissfully unaware of everything but the pleasure pulsing through me.

He slammed into me once more, pinning my body tightly between his own and the stained glass as he exploded inside me. His sweat covered me as we slid slowly toward the ground, still pressed together.

He pulled out and sat next to me, his back thumping into the window as he gasped for air. We sat side by side, not talking but sneaking sidelong glances at each other as our breathing gradually returned to normal.

I caught his eye and gave him a small smile. He smiled back, then frowned and shook his head. “I….I’m sorry…”

“Why are you sorry?” I studied him, watching the guilt play across his face.

He didn’t meet my eyes as he stammered out, “I…it won’t happen again.”

Was the guilt because he felt he had betrayed Sammy or because he thought he had been too rough with me? Perhaps both.

I reached for his hand, entwining our fingers again. “It’s okay, Adi. It was the grief talking. It doesn’t have to mean more than that.”

It had been rough, a brutal expression of his overwhelming loss. He had needed an outlet, and I had been happy to provide it. I had borne the brunt of his pain and rage, and I would bear it again if that’s what he needed.

He finally met my eyes, rewarding me with a grateful smile, and gave my hand a squeeze. “We should…ah…we should get dressed.”

“Yep.” I agreed.

He stood and offered me his hand, pulling me to my feet. We sorted our clothes and hurriedly dressed as if we’d only just then realized that anyone could walk in and catch us.

And what had we done that was so wrong? Since when was love ever wrong? Adi and I might not have a romantic love, but the deep friendship I felt for him was love, nonetheless.

I felt anger bubble up inside me at the reminder that even though this was the afterlife, somehow my body and my heart were still being controlled by those in power. It was my body. Didn’t I have a right to do what I wanted with it? And after all, no one controls who they fall in love with, do they?  

Like Sammy and Adi. By what right did the council decree that their love for each other had been wrong?

When I first arrived here, I wanted to be an angel. It seemed like a no-brainer. Angels were the good guys. So simple.

But it wasn’t simple. And the longer I was here, the less convinced I was that was the case. Not that the demons were paragons of virtue by any means, but at least they allowed themselves to feel emotions, and that made them seem much more human to me. Those very emotions were why the angels looked down on the demons.

If feeling things made you a demon, then I was beginning to think I might be one.

I followed Adi back out into the main building, sensing his energy. It was a little stronger, a little brighter than it had been before, and nothing in the universe would convince me that was a bad thing.

[starry-snippets]

part 4 jotaro + anxiety attack (tw: nightmares, implied ptsd, grief, chatacter death but no specifics)

thinking about sleeping with jotaro, wrapped in his arms until he tosses in his sleep. you feel the weight leave your sides and it stirs you awake yourself but what concerns you most is his heavy breathing and sweat rolling down his temples. he's gritting his teeth - his normally peaceful face while asleep replaced with nothing but stress.

you readjust yourself so you can hold his hand, your boyfriend immediately squeezing it as he grinds his molars. after a few moments of trying to stir him awake to only have your hand tightly held, you begin to feel pain seep in from how much force he's using.

"jotaro, please wake up." your voice is weak because of weariness, anxiety, and the pain from his grip and your inability to loosen it. "you're hurting me," his grip loosens there but his eyes remain closed. you use your other hand to gently cup his cheek, rubbing soothingly across his skin. "it's okay jotaro, I'm with you." he inhales, inable to speak despite wanting to reassure you he's fine.

his mind is running rapid with memories of battling dio - the lives lost and cruelties he had to bare witness. jotaro's chest feels impossibly tight, like he can't breath despite audibly gasping.

"honey," you say borderline panicked. remaining calm since you know he needs your help, you continue to stroke his cheek and take his hand again to rub circles on his palm. "breathe in and out. let's do it together?"

jotaro hates this feeling; the feeling of being unable to control himself. he's wanted to be strong for you since the first stand you fought together nearly killed you. but here he is now, unable to stop hyperventilating without you holding his hand and your soothing voice counting to twelve for him.

despite the voice telling him he's being weak, jotaro finds a growing peace in him to combat the overwhelming despair he felt from his dream. your kind voice giving him the strength to walk away from this ledge. you continue to rub circles into his palm while your other hand's still against his cheek, he takes a moment to relish in your touch while shakily stabilizing his breathing.

"I know that what we went through rivaled Hell," you say once he's opened his eyes, those beautiful azure eyes you fell in love with staring up at you, positive he's calmed down enough to take things in. "but no matter what I'm here for you. we didn't survive that emo reject together so you could fight through everything else alone." you lean down to kiss his nose, feeling the residue of his sweat on your forehead. you don't care at all as you're too worried about his well being.

"I love you so much jotaro. you're not alone. whatever you need, I'll try my hardest to provide." You kiss his nose again then say, "you mean everything to me jotaro." next you trial down to kiss his cheek, a bit startled when he pulls you into his chest with a hand on the back of your head.

silence consumes you both but it's not awkward. you hear his breath hitch every so often, making you think he didn't want you to see him cry. you don't blame him, feeling relieved that he's comfortable with you enough to let you aid him when grief overcomes him - even if it's just a little at a time. his voice is the shakiest you're ever heard it as he strokes the hair on your head, trying to calm his building sorrow for a second time.

"stay... please, I can't lose you too."

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hello Elle how have you been dear, everything okay!? Hopefully yes and if not just know that sometimes we gotta rest back and observe a little allowing us to be just a human. Thankyou so much for opening this for us again, sending you strength and energy because I know how draining is to do this and especially these type l readings will require extra so better start hydrated and rest well.

"What mythical/fictional creature do you think or feel nearly embodies your dark side?"

-Well a really very intresting question but i really don't have a thing for fictional/mythology characters since I don't have watch a lot but if i were to say maybe I'd say Lilith!? Why because I've been drawn to her a lot some times you know and the things she loves and all if that makes sense. But somehow I feel I'm also someone who has boundaries and hyper independent not the type to serve someone or be submissive like to be free and myself regardless of how traditional & hopeless romantic I am. If that makes sense. Also she embodies dark feminine energy and is often misunderstood as something she's not & feel the same way.

My information; I'm Jasmine. Capricorn sun, Virgo moon and Taurus rising. (Tropical) She/her aka a women if that's needed too lol.

Thankyou so much dear have an absolutely amazing week ahead! Sending you good energy and love. 🫶🏻🤍✨🧿

*reblogging things too dw*

Hi Jasmine,

Thank you so much for participating in my Inner Demons ask game.

I wanna start by saying thank you so much for being so understanding and patient with me, especially when it comes to your reading request.

OMG, you chose Lilith! You must be quite the badass! If you resonated with Lilith, you must have gone through so much!

So the cards I pulled are: 10 of Swords, 6 of Cups, 2 of Cups

By, any chance, did you ever feel like you were forced to grow up to fast? Like you were robbed of your childhood? Were you punished for not being the perfect child? Were you punished for crying? Could also be parentified, looking after younger kids? Was the financial constraints of your family pressured you to not want to ask for anything? Were you used to hand-me-downs?

I'm here to tell you that, having felt frustrated, worn out almost livid, and short-tempered with others wasn't your choosing. You were barely left with any energy by the end of the day to even have the time to sit, reflect, and honor your feelings. You did what you could to survive, it wasn't perfect, so I'm not sure if it's any consolation to say this, the adult you are today was the person you would have run to and needed back when you were growing up.

Now, I'm in no shape or form have any intention of invalidating your experiences and pain. All I'm saying is, you're not that scared and hypervigilant, defenseless little kid anymore. You've grown through that chaos and you survived. Don't feel guilty about surviving, also don't dismiss and undermine the impact of all the things you've overcome in order to be the adult that you are today. With that, in my eyes, it seems you have the Inner Demon I call, "Diamond Soldier".

Now, it's not to say you deserve to go through hell and back; but the fact that you did, is something you should take pride in. Just remember, YOU did that. YOU survived! YOU have outlived all the days you thought would end you.

The resilience to persevere every trial and obstacle thrown at you since you were a kid, all those sleepless nights, fighting your inner demons and intrusive thoughts; all those external pressures have transformed you into the Diamond that you are today.

Now what you desire is a sense of comfort and relief; could be something familiar that had been your only form of solace during your turbulent upbringing. Maybe a feeling of being safe to exist. Safe to be yourself. To feel safe to be who you want to be. Safe to dream and pursue the life you had always dreamed.

And how you go about it while incorporating your brilliant perseverance is by adaptability and resourcefulness; of what you currently have and capable of, then strategize in a way that is both realistic and sustainable for your current lifestyle.

Let's say you grew in a chaotic household where screaming and shouting cuss words was deemed as a casual conversation. So you would want to live independently where you feel safe to exist, by making sure every single thing or aspect in your new apartment would collectively bring you a sense of calm, safety and security.

If loud noises trigger you, make sure your cabinets and doors are soft closes. If bright fluorescent lights trigger your fight or flight response, choose warmer and softer sources of lights. If it's food, then make sure your entire pantry is always fully stocked with your comfort food. This part has to be specifically curated to your particular needs.

So never forget that after this reading, you don't owe anyone any explanation on how much would you go out of your way, in order to feel safe to exist. Anyone who gets mad at you for establishing your healthy boundaries are the very traitors who benefits from your unexpected naivety.

This concludes the end of your reading. Do let me know how this resonates with you. Feel free to show some support via my Buy Me A Coffee here (This reading is for entertainment purposes only.)

[philhoffman]

Loving Phil comes as easily to me as breathing. Easier, sometimes. From the first moment we met through the screen. Much like Paul Thomas Anderson, I saw PSH make a single gesture—a little smirk, barely able to restrain his soft smile, intelligent and warm—and fell in love with him. Or, more accurately, I saw him and was overcome by the feeling he was special, that he would be an important person in my life. And now here we are.

I’ve found myself saying the same thing a lot lately—“There are no words,” or something to that effect. The enormity of Phil’s loss, his absence over the last 10 years, is mind-boggling. It’s crushing. There are many great works of art and music and literature and film about grief and loss, warnings about what pain this intense could feel like, but even the masters can only capture a fleeting moment of it. It truly exists beyond words. 

Equally impossible to capture in words is the good, the beautiful, the glimmers of hope and love. It's often beyond mere glimmers—seeing the world through Phil's eyes is a sledgehammer of life. For a few years I've kept a notebook just for my thoughts to him. I was thumbing through it last night and read an entry in which I said the enormity of the happiness I felt since he entered my life was unlike anything I'd experienced before. It's far beyond a crush on an actor, lol. It's—words are failing me—absolutely everything. His films, his soul, his eyes, his community, all the words, the way he's shaped how I see my life, my relationships, my future, my world. I can't overstate it, really. He's stitched into the fabric now, the blood in my veins, his heart beating in my chest, arm around my shoulder. The most important artist and person I've ever known.

So there won’t ever be enough words to fully capture what every frame, every laugh, every freckle, every moment means—but there are a couple words that say enough for now, tonight, 10 years after Phil’s death. Like—I love you. Like—I miss you and I’m sorry and 46 is so, so young. Like—every night and every day, somewhere in the world, someone is watching one of your film’s and laughing or crying or raging or smiling along with you. You said you hoped the art would outlive you, outlive all of us, and it does, it will, and you’re always part of it and with us and remembered.

Like—now having the privilege to know your wonderful family and community, it’s easy to see how you turned out to be such a kind, thoughtful man and generous, passionate artist. Their refrain is true—great actor, even better friend.

Like—countless individuals are in recovery and alive because of you, whether they’re 10 years or 100 days or 1 hour sober. The support you offered friends and strangers during your life, the impact of your death from a drug overdose—I can’t begin to guess how many people you helped, how many even I've spoken to who credit you with helping to save their lives.

What I'm writing now is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to say in my life, I can't stop tearing up. I hope I get it right. This is the 10th anniversary of Phil's death—his life is now a decade away from us in the past, a milestone I've been dreading, a reality that shocks and breaks my heart.

Grief is timeless and endless. There are moments when it hurts just as badly as that first day. But with time, hopefully, that most intense pain bubbles up less often. It comes up on anniversaries, special occasions, when the sunlight and the breeze hit you just right, when little signs and reminders show up—but not every day. I think that's healthy. When I was relatively new to this loss, the pain fresh but I was deep, deep within it, I used to think, "How did anyone who loved him survive? Why aren't we all screaming all the time?" I understand now. Today I fell to the floor and cried and screamed about it—yesterday, too—but I don't every day, not anymore.

The grief is ever-present but it changes. The change hurts. It can feel like a betrayal, like guilt, like abandonment. That's the season of grief I'm in, weird complicated emotions I'm struggling with. I've felt it in my gut ahead of this anniversary and kept it bottled up so tightly, ashamed. "Letting go" are the words that kept coming to mind, but I fucking hate that phrase. I'm not letting go of anything. But tonight I heard from two of the people closest to Phil, who both shared the same feeling that this year is different. That maybe Phil is telling us that it's okay to move forward—not move on, move forward—and find new ways to love and honor and remember him. Let go of the ways that aren't serving us or him anymore. There will always be new ones. He is buried so deep in our hearts, in who we are, that we could never be separated—we will always find him.

In a way, a weight is lifted off my chest. In another way, I've been crying so hard I'm going to be sore tomorrow. Nothing is going to change in my day-to-day, I think. I can't even imagine what would. But this is a new step of our journey, I can feel it in my chest. Of my journey, at least. I'm terrified and hopeful and so, so, so deeply in love and in gratitude with this incredible, larger-than-life, beautiful force of a human who changed the world—the whole world, and my world. Blessed doesn't begin to cover how I feel knowing my life is tied to his, that I'll be learning from him for the rest of my days. I'm still beyond devastated his were cut short so soon.

I love you, Phil. The man, the spirit. Nothing else matters more than that. I love you.

(Oh, and I'll always buy the donuts. For you, for us. Always. I promise.)

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Bachelor/Clavell & Others

Overcomings (Part 1)

Important note at the beginning: I mostly use the German names of the game, i.e. Peter (Parker), Detlef (Dustin) and so on. Because not all names are the same in all languages/games. Just in case anyone is wondering why I sometimes have different names^^

It's Sunday morning, just before 9:00 am. The town's teenagers are supposed to gather in front of Xander's house, or rather the bachelor's property. "Why did we have to get up so early again for this? We already did so much yesterday"/ "today we just have to do the rest, close up the remaining holes in the ground and plant a few flowers…Xander will be here soon".

Of course, Michael was already awake too. And through the slightly leaky windows he could hear a bit of what was being said outside. "Doesn't Micha want to come with us?"/ "No, it's nothing for him, you know, because of his parents," said Peter in a calm tone. "Man, why is he such a wimp? I lost my father and my brother. Is that why I'm crying about it every day?"/ "Shut up, VJ!".

("Oh man, they probably all think I'm a total loser and VJ always goes one better… He thinks it's all so easy. His mother ran away after Miraj was born and never took care of her children again… My mother always took care of us and others…hh, man").

Michael went back into the kitchen. Xander was preparing something to eat. "Hi, you're here already, aren't you?"/ "Yeah, and what are you doing?"/ "Breakfast for everyone. "/ "You promised them breakfast? Now you want me to let them all in here? Hey, this is my house"/ "I know that. It's only supposed to be the exception today, Michael. We'll leave right after lunch. All right?". Michael was a little miffed. "It would still have been nice if you'd told me earlier."

Xander knew, of course, that what he was doing wasn't entirely okay. "Hey, I'm sorry, okay? Maybe it was a bit selfish of me to go over your head. We just want everything done so you can your parents…", Xander couldn't finish his sentence."Yeah, yeah, so their headstones have a proper place etc. I'll let them in, but then I'll go to my room".

It was not usual for the house to receive so many guests. Even during his mother's lifetime. She was very hospitable, but a full house often caused unrest. That's why they only ever invited a small handful of people. "Hi, um… you can all come in, breakfast will be ready soon"/ "oh, finally, I haven't had anything since last night"/ "hey". Peter tried to get a little of his attention, but Michael quickly disappeared back into the house.

After inviting the others in, Michael immediately fled back upstairs to his room. It didn't take ten seconds, however, before he heard Peter's voice talking to Bella, who had just left the room. "hey, is your brother in there?"/ "yes, but he doesn't want to talk to anyone"/ "mhm, I know. But I think I can do it. Hey, there's something tasty downstairs, hurry up or it'll all be gone".

After the girl had gone downstairs, Peter went into the children's room and closed the door behind him. Then he went to Michael, who was standing in front of the closet, looking a little upset. "Hey, you… Oh man, you just heard everything, didn't you?"/ "Yeah, right, man, or what did you think? He doesn't know how the fuck I feel. For me, it's still like it just happened. I want…I'd like to live normally again too, h-hh". Michael's nerves were very frayed. "hey…."

Peter offered Michael a hug. Because he realized that this was something his friend desperately needed at the moment. "You know him he opens his mouth before he thinks. It's a bit his own fault that he had such a bad relationship with his old man"/ "but does he have at least a shred of compassion?"/ "apparently not".

Michael released himself from the embrace and stayed for a moment with his hand on Peter's arm, looking at the little black hairs on it. "Man, I wish he was… At least half as nice as you are. At least you understand me". Peter smiled sympathetically. "I've got a messed-up home too, but yes, something good has stuck with me, hn"/ "yes, you're… a great friend, really. Is the camping still on?"/ "Sure, next week, it should still be reasonably warm"/ "o.k.…I'll pack a sleeping bag anyway, just to be on the safe side".

Michael lay down in his bed again and tried to find some peace and quiet. The others really enjoyed the food - pizza for breakfast, that's something different. Even if some of the ingredients came out of a bag, at least the toppings and filling were fresh. "OK, now everyone, please just wash the plates and then we'll get started." Detlef and Xander were responsible for looking after the young people at the cemetery. Together they made sure that everything was put back in order.

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End of this Part

@greenplumbboblover 🙂

[mirisss]

My Heart

Yoon Jongwoo x afab! reader

Wordcount ≈ 2.7k

Warnings: angst, sad Jongwoo, break up, self-judgment, low self-esteem, kissing, sort of describing a panic attack without calling it a panic attack, fluff, 

Thank you for the request (even if my requests technically are closed at the moment), I just couldn't keep myself from writing this because I am way too in love with Jongwoo & One Pact! 

Inspired by One Pact’s songs "Rush In 2 U" & "Loading"

Please reblog! 

(Y/n)’s POV

Jongwoo is the greatest boyfriend in the world, truly, he’s the best. He’s kind, caring, funny, thoughtful, he’s everything you could want not to mention he is very handsome. I was surprised when he asked me out 2 and a half years ago but I am so happy I said yes to the date. 2 years later and we’re still together. I was there to support him through Boys Planet and to comfort him when he didn’t make it to the final lineup. I was so proud of him, still am. And now, he’s going to debut with One Pact. He’s finally going to be able to live his dream, with thousands no millions of people supporting him. 

Lately, I’ve been feeling like a burden to him. I feel like as long as he is with me, he can’t truly succeed, I’m holding him back. At least, that’s what I am feeling. I tried talking to him about it but as the kind soul he is, he told me that isn’t true. He says I don’t hold him back, but I can’t believe him because I see it. He’s spreading himself thin trying to balance our relationship with his idol life, it’s not fair to him for me to be selfish and stay by his side when I’m only in the way. 

I contemplated what to do for weeks, I distanced myself more and more from him hoping it would help him see it too. That I am only a nuisance to him. He called and texted me probably a hundred times a day trying to reach out to me, but eventually, as I didn’t answer him, he stopped. Just thinking about it made a tear fall from my eyes. 

I wanted to run to him, to hug him, hold him close, and finally feel safe once more in his strong arms. But I can’t, I have to be strong. This is what’s best for him. I sat alone in my apartment in the dark, on the cold hard floor, crying my eyes out as I tried to find the courage to break us up. 

Jongwoo’s POV

Boys Planet was a challenge, but with (Y/n) by my side, it wasn’t as bad. With her I can overcome any challenge, she gives me strength, she makes me happy. She’s the sun that scares away the darkness, with her, every day feels like Christmas. I remember how happy she was for me when I told her that I would be debuting with One Pact. I think she was even happier than me and I mean, I’m the one debuting. 

We celebrated by making a nice dinner together, laughing as we danced to the background music, her blushing as I whispered ‘I love you’ in her ear, and then kissed her. Those moments when it’s just her and I, are my most precious memories. 

Lately, however, things haven’t been so good. 

“What do you mean? Baby? (Y/n)?” “Jongwoo, I’m just holding you back, can’t you see it? I’m just in the way of your success,” I put my hands on her shoulders trying to look her in the eyes but she kept looking at the floor. I didn’t understand, why did she suddenly think she was holding me back? “(Y/n), how, I-... I don’t understand, how could you be holding me back? You’re not, please, (Y/n), please, I love you, you know that right?” Even as she looked at the floor, I could see the tears falling down her cheeks. She never wanted me to see her crying, not even happy tears, she would always look down or turn around. “I know and I love you too,” I embraced her in a tight hug, holding her as close as possible as I held back my tears. Losing her would be worse than not becoming an idol. 

After that conversation I thought things would get better, however, I was wrong. Each day, (Y/n) became a little more distant than the day before. Eventually, she stopped reaching out to me, I tried to call and text her as often as I could but she rarely ever responded until she stopped completely. 

“Damnit” I threw the sweatshirt I had around my shoulders down on the floor in anger as I messed up the choreography once more. I couldn’t focus, my mind was just zeroing in on the situation with (Y/n). I was breathing heavily, angry at the situation, and angry at myself to the point where I couldn’t control my feelings. “Hyung, what’s wrong?” “Yeah, what’s up man? I’ve never seen you like this before?” Seungmin and Jay approached me as they questioned my behavior. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down a little as I sat down with the rest of the guys sitting down in a circle before me. 

“I told you guys before that I have a girlfriend, right?” “Yeah, (Y/n), was it?” Yedam smiled as I nodded to him getting the name right. “She’s been my girlfriend for about 2 years now and we’ve never really had any problems during this time. She’s always supporting me in anything I do and she’s been my driving force in doing all of this. These last few weeks though, they have been different. Very different,” I looked down at the floor, trying to hold back my tears, I hated this. 

“What’s been different?” Tag asked after he put his hand on my shoulder, giving me a reassuring squeeze. “She has somehow come to the conclusion that she’s holding me back and that we should break up, and no matter what I say she doesn’t seem to believe me. And now, she’s not answering my calls or responding to my texts. I’m worried, I’ve never seen her like this before and I don’t want to lose her,” 

“I might not know her personally but it doesn’t sound like the girl you’ve described to us before. I think the best thing you can do is, go to her and talk with her. Ask her why she’s feeling this way, only then can you understand where it’s coming from and once you know that, then you can assure her that it isn’t true,” Jay put his hand on my other shoulder and gave me a reassuring squeeze. “Thanks, Jay, I’ll go after practice,” “Nah, go now hyung,” “But I can’t, we have to practice, Seungmin,” “You’re not going to be able to focus, it’s better that you go now and solve this and then tomorrow you can come back stronger than ever,” I looked around at my members and they all smiled at me, they gave me the strength and courage I needed to go to (Y/n). 

I picked up my sweatshirt, quickly putting it on as I ran out of the dance studio. I was determined to solve this. To fix this problem. As soon as I got to (Y/n)’s apartment, I picked up the key she had given me so that I could visit her any time I wanted to. I was going to use it but I decided to knock on the door first, to give her a chance of inviting me instead of just barging in. I knocked three times before I took a step back from the door and waited. I heard the lock turning before the door opened. She was surprised to see me standing on the other side, my breathing heavy from running here, her eyes were red and swollen, she had been crying. 

“Jongwoo,” Her voice was hoarse, also an indicator of her crying before I came. “(Y/n), can we talk? Please,” She avoided my eyes, just like the last time we spoke, but she stepped aside to allow me inside the apartment. Without even thinking, I guess you could say I did it out of habit, as I walked past (Y/n) my arm instinctively went around her waist. She closed the door behind me before she stepped out of my reach, my arm stayed in the air for a second before I managed to will it back to my side, my heart breaking a little at the distance. She was so close yet she felt so far away. 

“(Y/n), I love you. I wanna say that before we talk about anything else. I love you. I have been in love with you for the last 2 and a half years, hence why I asked you out. I love you, so please, please, explain why you’re so distant, please help me understand what’s going on,” I once again tried to reach out with my hand to her but she stepped back, not letting me touch her. My fingers twitched as I clenched my fist, and my jaw to try and hold back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. 

“I told you, Woo. I’m only holding you back. As long as you’re with me you can’t succeed. I take too much of your time. We should break up so that you can live your dream, it’s what’s best for you,” This was the first time I truly got to see her cry. She looked me in the eyes as the tears streamed down her cheeks like rivers. Her whole body was trembling, shaking. Her once warm eyes that always shone like diamonds, now looked dark, empty, they looked dead. 

“No.” “No? Jongwoo, you can’t just say no. We need to break up,” She raised her voice a little but I didn’t care. “No, we’re not breaking up for this reason. I won’t accept it. It’s stupid. (Y/n). I love you. I wouldn’t have been able to get through Boys Planet without you. I wanted to quit after the first day but you were there to help me get back on this path. It’s thanks to you that I am now in the debut lineup of One Pact. You’re the one to give me strength, you’re the reason I’m happy. You’re the reason why I work so hard because I want to impress you. So you’re not holding me back at all. No, you’re the one pushing me to become the best me I can be,” I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. 

“Jongwoo… I-” “The only time I’ll accept it if you don’t want to be with me anymore is if you don’t love me anymore. If you’ve fallen out of love with me, then I’ll accept it. But as long as I love you and you love me, we should be together. I won’t ever give up on you, because (Y/n), you’re my sun. You’re my reason to live. That’s how much you mean to me, so please, just give us a second chance, if you still love me?” (Y/n) let out a loud sniffle as even more tears fell from her eyes. I looked deep into her eyes, trying to will out any emotion in them. Hoping that there was hope left for us. 

“Jongwoo, I’m so sorry,” My heart shattered into a million, no, into a billion pieces. I stopped breathing. She didn’t love me anymore. My knees became weak and I fell, kneeling in front of her, my eyes on the ground. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see. My whole world was becoming enveloped in a dark mist, covering everything in a blanket of despair. “Jongwoo!” I could barely hear anything, I faintly heard (Y/n) screaming my name.

Third Person POV

(Y/n) fell down onto the floor in front of Jongwoo, she cried out his name multiple times but he didn’t respond. “Jongwoo, Jongwoo, please, please, Jongwoo,” It wasn’t until she embraced him in a tight hug. “I love you. I love you. Of course, I still love you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please, Jongwoo, Woo. Please, I’m sorry,” (Y/n) soon felt Jongwoo’s arms encircling her, pushing her closer to his broad frame in a tight hug. The two stayed on the floor, tightly embracing each other for a few minutes as they cried. 

Jongwoo’s POV

“I love you. I love you. Of course, I still love you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please, Jongwoo, Woo. Please, I’m sorry,” As I felt (Y/n) hugging me and saying that she still loved me, I could finally breathe again, my eyes slowly came back into focus allowing me to see her shaking shoulders as she held me, chanting ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’. I tightly hugged her back. Happy to finally be allowed to hold her close again. I didn’t ever want to let go of her. I almost lost her, I didn’t ever want to truly lose her. 

After probably ten or fifteen minutes, I slowly ended the hug by removing my arms from her waist and putting them on her shoulders. I looked her in the eyes. “(Y/n), do you still love me?” “Yes, I love you,” “Do you still want to be with me?” “Of course I do, but-” “No buts. Do you want to be with me?” “Yes, of course I do,” “Then let’s be together. I love you, (Y/n). More than anything in this world,” “I’m sorry, about all of this.” “I forgive you. Always. If you ever feel something like this again, talk with me, tell me, please,” “I promise, I won’t shut you out again,” “Good. Now, may I kiss you?” (Y/n) gave me a little smirk before she tilted her head just the tiniest bit. “Oh, I don’t know, can you?” I gently put a hand on her cheek, my thumb wiped away the stray tears that still lingered. And then I leaned in. I kissed her gently, trying to convey just how much I loved her with the action. 

“God I missed kissing you,” “I missed you too, now kiss me again, please,” I kissed her once more, this time with a little more force as she pushed back at my lips with her own. “Please don’t ever leave me,” “Only if you promise not to leave me,” I stood up and helped (Y/n) stand too. I took one of her hands and put it on my chest, right by my heart, and looked her deep in the eyes. “As long as my heart is beating, as long as I am alive. I promise you, that I will love you and be by your side, I promise to never leave you,” I saw (Y/n)’s cheeks reddening as a shy smile grew on her face. She always told me that she dreamt of experiencing the things she read about, the way the boys in the books treated the girls with the utmost love and adoration. So, I tried to do just that. 

“Yoon Jongwoo, I’m already head over heels in love with you,” “It wouldn’t hurt to make you swoon a little, right?” “You make me swoon more than just a little, I might just pass out from how fast my heart is beating,” “I’ll keep you steady with my strong arms,” I flexed my biceps a little as I chuckled, and (Y/n) laughed. And just like that, we were back to how we were before all this happened. It almost felt like the last two to three weeks hadn’t happened. “Jongwoo, you really are perfect,” “And so are you, my beautiful, wonderful, perfect, (Y/n),” I leaned in and gave her another kiss as she put her arms around my neck to deepen the kiss. As we broke the kiss, we both smiled and simultaneously said: “I love you”. 

[tojixz]

Masterlist ☆ Heart Without Beat Masterlist

HEART WITHOUT BEAT: Chapter Three

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem!Reader

Notes: I really enjoyed this chapter, but it was extremely painful to write. I even got a little triggered by the scenes. Good luck to you all 😞

Summary: If there is no ground, there is no way to walk. From here on, is it really possible to go on?

Warnings: Pure distress, funeral, panic attack, certain reactions can be triggers. Sensitive subject. Let me know if I have forgotten anything.

Word Count: 2,6k

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All energy is only borrowed and will one day have to be returned.

Every person is born twice, but departs only once.

The Na'vi learn from a young age that every moment, every hour, minute, and second must be enjoyed within the blessing that is all of Eywa's creation.

You must give thanks, revere and love everything and everyone around you. Everyone understands the importance of a life.

But when it's gone, what's left?

The pain of loss is unbearable, something that many take forever to overcome. But what causes sadness if your ancestors continue to live, in peace, with the Great Mother?

Probably the lack of body heat that you will no longer feel. The lack of hugs, new memories…

Everyone fears the unknown, but death is something that is often seen.

The magic formula for overcoming matches has not yet been found, and it is probably far from it.

So what would be the remedy for wounds that cannot be mended? What is the solution, for the regret of everything that should have been done?

There is none of that, after all.

Upon hearing Neytiri's words, you froze for a moment trying to understand the hidden message in her speech.

"I'm sorry, my poor child…I'm sorry", she continued to ramble on and you continued to sink. What was the reason for her apology? What was the reason for her despair?

She wouldn't have mistaken you for someone else, right?

"For what?", your little heart fluttered in your chest, unspoken words deafened your senses. This whole situation was making you afraid.

You wanted your mother.

Neytiri was silent for a while, and then he shifted his gaze to Jake, who was also agitated by the whole scene. Just like you, he wasn't aware of the situation. His muscles were rigid and you could see lines of worry creeping into his features.

The other children just sank into silence together. Tensed by the gloomy atmosphere that was forming. Everything was a mystery and the lack of knowledge of the situation only made everyone overwhelmed.

Neytiri slowly pulled away from you, releasing you from her warm and insecure arms. She placed one of her hands on your chest, just above your fluttering heart and said softly, "You need to be strong. Strong heart."

Your ears perked up at the words. You didn't know exactly what she meant. You didn't understand.

Your mouth was dry, your soul was crying out for answers. Was this some kind of punishment?

You slowly nodded, unsure and unsure.

Neytiri looked at you for a few more seconds, which seemed like forever, and then stood up, taking one of your hands and leading you into Mo'at's tent.

Jake slowly followed behind, a little hesitant because he didn't know if he was welcome there. His curious children also followed close behind, with cautious and silent movements.

Neteyam noticed your mother's agitation when she arrived and when she spoke to you, which made him worry.

Nothing bad would happen to you, right?

Upon entering, you found your Tsahik, Mo'at, next to someone lying on the floor. She silently prayed, passing her hands slowly through the air just above her body.

You just got even more confused. Was someone hurt? What did that have to do with you?

Neytiri, who stayed behind you, placed his hands on your back and slowly pushed you towards the two figures on the ground. You walked hesitantly, shivers ran down your spine and your senses sharpened.

Mo'at nodded to Neytiri, as if to tell her to let you go on your own from then on.

You approached with cautious steps, the person lying down seemed to be in a deep sleep. It would be impolite of you to wake her.

As you got close enough to analyze the features of the figure on the floor, your own body stiffened. You were confused.

Why was your mother there?

The air in your lungs was sucked out, and suddenly you didn't know how to move your muscles.

Your mother seemed so at peace, a sinful peace.

Her body was clean and tidy, in such a deep sleep that it would be unfair to wake her, but you wanted to tell her about your day.

You just didn't understand why your meeting with your mother was such an important thing to do that required your Tsahik's presence.

You crouched down beside her, sitting on your knees so gently that you were almost unable to register the feel of the ground.

Analyzing for a few seconds, you finally put your hands on your mother's arm and shook her a little to wake her up. "Sa'nu? Why are you sleeping here?"

No answers.

Was she so tired at this point? You could hear certain movement, sighs and suppressed sobs behind you, but you didn't care much, you had another purpose.

Mo'at just continued to watch you go on with your movements, a serious and welcoming look on your face. Again, you didn't care.

"Sa'nok, Tsahik is here. Why are you sleeping in this situation?". A small twinge hit your core. You were not understanding, comprehending that situation. What was going on? What did it all mean?

Why wasn't her mother waking up?

She always woke up as soon as you called, always willing at any time to answer your calls. Always willing to comfort you.

You began to shake her harder. Wiggling her more and more. One hour she would wake up, right?

"Tsahik, why doesn't she wake up? Is she sick?", made sense, didn't it? It was the only reason you could find to justify Mo'at's presence there with you. She didn't answer you, she just closed her eyes and bowed her head slightly.

A deafening silence filled the room again. It was as if Eywa herself was listening to your inner doubts, fear and melancholic thoughts taking over. The truth is that you were never good at keeping a steady thought, at focusing on good things.

You always expected the worst.

Her lower lips trembled slightly, almost imperceptibly. But certainly not for your divinity.

Hoping she would wake up, you rocked your mother once more.

Again.

Again. Again. And again.

But nothing happened.

You were becoming distressed. The blood turning to ice in your veins as your eyes filled with spiteful tears.

"Why doesn't she answer? Why doesn't my mother answer?"

You don't ask anyone specific. Anyone who answered you would be enough.

You turned to Neytiri, looking at Jake as well in the process. Mo'at didn't look like she was going to open her mouth to say anything. You were losing hope. "Neytiri, can you help me? Please." Her last words came out as a whisper.

Neytiri covered your mouth with her own hand, sinking her head into the curve of Jake's neck. You were confused. Why was everyone refusing to help you? Had you done something wrong?

Were they punishing you?

You promise that you won't do anything bad anymore, you just wanted to feel your mother's warmth again. You wanted to listen to her, even if it was one of her scoldings.

"Mama! You are scaring me, please answer me." You continued, not satisfied with the lack of movement of the figure on the floor.

Reality came crashing down on you like a stone. But you didn't want to believe it. There was no way… she was so fine.

You finally broke. Swinging your mother with uncontrolled force as you called out to her, your voice growing louder and louder.

"No. No, no, no… Sa'nu."

That was unfair.

You weren't ready. You couldn't even say goodbye.

Was this departure some kind of punishment or a release?

Was it selfish of you to wish that Eywa would return your beloved progenitor back to you?

You were not prepared to see her go.

When you heard Neytiri apologize, you imagined that something had happened. But not something like this.

You were in denial. All this was supposed to be just a misunderstanding. It had to be.

The words weighed heavily on Neytiri's lips, but they certainly didn't compare to the weight of reality on you.

You were alone to carry this burden, it was unbearable.

Regret covered your whole being, drowning you in pure anguish and despair.

The Great Mother had not been fair. You were just a child.

Eywa doesn't choose sides, she is only responsible for the control of life. But there, surely there was a miscalculation.

Her mother shouldn't have gone like this, not this way, not now.

Reality was distorted and you, as a form of final salvation, just wished, begged, that it was all a big misunderstanding, and that in fact your mother was in your marui, just waiting for your arrival.

Maybe not all prayers are always heard. Not as Toruk Makto had been blessed.

Can you imagine how your mother was in her final moments. Was she desperate, afraid… in pain?

At least you hope she's gone in peace. But you know her. You know her well enough to know how much she must have suffered, and how sorry she was that she didn't get the chance to feel your darling little girl's skin just one last time.

And you blamed yourself. You blamed yourself for not being there for her final breaths. You blamed yourself for not realizing. You blamed yourself for not seeing how your mother was saying goodbye to the material world.

Was it selfish of you to pray to Eywa to return her mother?

She was at peace, in the warm and welcoming arms of the Great Mother, so… why? Why did this hurt more than expected?

There was no option to choose.

And then you screamed. You screamed until your lungs clamored for oxygen and your throat tore from the effort. You didn't even know you were capable of emitting such a sound. A colossal sound, which carried all her inner grudges, all her regrets.

You lower your head to your mother's chest, where it should be pulsing with a heartbeat. But where you found only silence. You never imagined that the stillness would frighten you so.

She couldn't have really left you. Not like this. Without your mother you would be alone, with no one to tuck you in at bedtime, no one to scold you, no one to prepare the best meal of your life. You had already lost your father. You couldn't survive without your mother now.

Your chest hurt, your throat ached, still not letting up with the screaming. You cried and cried, no longer aware of your surroundings.

Jake had kicked your children out of there long ago and Neytiri was kneeling a few inches away from you. Murmuring thousands of 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm so sorry'.

She was not at fault in this situation, not at all. But honestly, you didn't have the strength to care anymore.

You had everything. And now there was nothing.

Nothing important to keep close to you. You were surrounded by many, but suddenly you were alone, suffering in silence.

Neytiri came to you then, crouching down next to you and placing a hand on the back of your neck. She gave it a gentle squeeze to reassure you. But even she didn't trust that that was possible. "It's going to be okay… you're not alone."

You didn't know if she was trying to calm herself or you. Her eyes were burning from endless tears, and her voice was already hoarse from screaming. You didn't want to leave your mother, you knew she would open her eyes at some point. She was just very tired.

And so you waited.

But all that was achieved was eternal silence.

Your mother's wake was painful. You couldn't find the strength to go on with that ceremony. She was so beautiful, even without life. She was at peace.

Still, it hurt. It hurt and it hurt so much. The whole situation was tearing you apart. Crushing your heart like it was nothing. How did it end this way?

A few hours ago you were laughing breathlessly with your friends, giving your all in training, looking forward to the moment you would show your new skills to your mother. And then, it ended like this.

Your life turned upside down so fast it made you dizzy. You didn't know where to go from here.

The clan was all gathered around the small space where her mother was. Atokirinas prowling everywhere, especially around you. It's like Eywa is comforting you and telling you that everything was fine, she was safe. Prayers were able to be heard, small thanks for the life she had led up to that point, and pleas for a peaceful rest.

Her mother's hands were so cold. So cold that when it came into contact with her skin, her entire body shivered. She didn't look like herself anymore, with her usual warmth. It scared you.

You weren't ready, not like you should have been. You weren't ready to let go. The hugs, the playfulness, the gentle, loving kisses that your mother filled you with all the time. You wanted her to be there for you as you matured, to be there to put you to sleep and comfort you through the worst nights and nightmares.

It… hurt so much.

You were dead inside. Your soul was crying out for help, unable to bear the unbearable feeling of that loss. No one should have to go through this.

Mostly a child.

Mo'at allowed you to stay by your mother's side to say goodbye. The next time you saw her, she would be with the Great Mother, in a safe place. She would no longer be suffering.

Jake, as Olo'eyktan, was close by. He was also responsible for helping with the funeral, while Mo'at led the spiritual part. His sons were right behind. They too were shaken, eyes swollen from crying along with you, not as much, but their hearts whispered for sympathy.

Neteyam especially. Ever since he became aware of what was happening in Mo'at's tent, his heart broke at the sight of your state. He hated to see you cry, to see you sad. And he knew that a part of your brightness was gone along with your mother. And then he lamented. Neither of you possessed power over life, the only option being to continue with the story. But it was inevitable to think of a 'What if...'

And he felt pathetic that he couldn't help you. His only choice was to put his head down, and ask Eywa to ease, a little bit that is, her pain.

But there was also Neytiri. Certainly, she was the one who cared for you the most up to this point. She suffered with you, cried with you, and most of all, hugged you when you needed it.

Your mother and Neytiri were so close, trusted each other so mutually, that Neytiri was like a second mother to you. A new mother figure. So you broke down in her presence. Imagining that she was actually an embodiment of her mother.

Her supportive words, her warm and nurturing touches. Everything was present with Neytiri by your side. She kept you from succumbing to the darkness. You were not entirely alone.

That's what she started to do. Take care of you. Neytiri called you softly. You placed one last kiss on your mother's forehead, eyes and finally on her nose, and whispered a short 'See you later'. And then you went towards Neytiri, holding one of her hands.

She was her new pillar now. Even if in your heart, broken and aching, you were no longer the same person after that day. You wouldn't have the same brightness, the same will to live.

On that night of prayer, her soul was buried next to the body of her mother, the one who lit her path, or rather, her life. And so, a new warrior was born.

🏷; @mashiromochi @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @narutoboi

My God, that hurt so much! I started crying because I can't think of a life without my mother 😭 forgive me, but it was necessary.

Also, forgive me for grammatical errors, really!

｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍒

[themanwhomadeamonster]

oh my GOD i deleted my rant by accident im gonna cry lemme try to remember what i wrote but tl;dr not really a theory but me trying to arrange my understanding of albrecht and tmitw

i title this: wallbrecht is everything everywhere all at once

also i wrote this at 5-6am and didnt sleep so shit's probably messy

ok so a major theme in warframe that recurrs in warframe is the loss of identity or sense of self. natah/lotus/margulis, erra becoming pazuul, teshin being controlled by the worm queens, the operator dissociating and believing they're our warframe, then the operator losing themselves to the worm queen and the operator (+rell) confusing ourselves with tmitw himself , the drifter in duviri, warframes themselves losing their sense of self (umbra at some point, and potentially arthur and aoi down the line), albrecht worrying who really left the void dimension, the remaining entrati family themselves!. we're also told many times that the void gives but it also takes, and that it's heavily influenced by strong emotions

in cosmic horror stories usually the horror is a representation of something else. in lovecraft's works it's often his disgust with people of colour, viewing them as something completely alien. in bloodborne part of it is the fears of pregnancy and dealing with offspring. i haven't played darkest dungeon but i've heard that it's about trauma and how the overwhelming traumatic events become too much to bear that people go mad. in the lighthouse, part of the horror is that people will fight and kill just to know the truth, or what they believe to be salvation

so i think albrecht's horror was his fear of losing his identity. we knew from the clock's archives that his experiments hadn't been going well prior to the bell incident. he was losing respect as an archimedian, maybe he lost respect as a father and husband too. i think a lot of us theorise already that albrecht IS the man in the wall, not a doppelganger like tmitw literally was with the operator. but tmitw being omnipresent means that they can freely simultaneously be and not be other people, the paradox of eternalism. albrecht is now the void, he knows every timeline and every outcome and potentially every person (except operator/drifter because they're already void in multiple senses of the word) but he is also still one human. the human mind can't reconcile knowing everything, that's just madness. lucky that kids aren't as self aware as adults!

the void isn't evil nor good. it gives and takes merely because that's the way the universe works, very vaguely dare i say the law of conservation in (a very sci-fi way) action. the void is in the grand scheme of things is just a natural phenomenon of the universe. but the overwhelming emotion present during the 10-0 accident (if that even was an accident) and albrecht's own experiment just happened to be fear, so the void literally embodied the concept of fear and became a person, vecause that's just what the void does. it became an unknowable being behind a veil just beyond our perceptive reality that understands the plights of humanity a little too well. it could have manifested into something friendly and offered us and albrecht a deal in a polite way if the circumstances were right but it wasn't. tmitw is a manifestation of the void so whether the man - albrecht - wanted to or not, he had to approach our operator in their greatest moment of fear. what he did have a choice in, though, was to offer a deal. and what better way to secure a time loop, multiple ones even, that will guarantee your becoming wally than to be a time-space hopping entity who can exploit a bunch of scared kids who didn't know any better.

i don't know what we'll be using the vessel for but i don't think we'll be using it to fight a giant wall (and if we are it won't be the climactic final fight). i don't think we'll ever overcome the void, and we don't need to. the void just is. but the man in the wall literally is just a man. and i know people dunk on bad cosmic horror when the spooky thing is actually just a person or has sympathetic motivations but i think here warframe may be able to pull it off well. it's a cosmic horror that's made life miserable over multiple lifetimes, but the horror simultaneously is just a victim partially of his own doing because the cosmic horror never was alien, it's just a person who's scared of losing himself, just like the lotus was and just like our operator was. the cosmic horror IS the person in the stories who faced the horrors, who faced themselves in the seriglass bell - all it took to differentiate us and albrecht was an *accident* (though at this point it was probably intentional)

we need to confront albrecht/the man in the wall and try to stop his madness. but like many cosmic horror stories go, i think he's trapped no matter what. he'll either overcome his fear of losing himself and become one with the void, leaving us for good, or he'll try to return to gomaitru. but the fact that he's not the same as he was before and neither is gomaitru, with what he's seen and experienced as tmitw will be so maddening that he'll have to leave for the void once again in a suicide mission if he still can't reconcile with *what he is* now. in true cosmic horror fashion we will probably never fully know his motivations till the end, being a greater being than our scope of thinking - and with eternalism in place, maybe albrecht reconciling with himself was what already happened back in the seriglass bell