#but even if it had been different i'm still an idiot and things would've gone horribly wrong no matter what

[timeskip]

I have no hope for the future and I've shot myself in the foot a million times

[tedsies]

i caved and bought the legacy collection out of curiosity

i bought it on steam by the way, no way am I going anywhere near the ea app

random thoughts as i go along:

game loaded up straight away with no issues (what a strange feeling)

got into pleasantview within 2 minutes (obvs I have no cc installed right now so its gonna be faster anyway)

a bit of a jumpscare to see the game again without reshade ngl

straight into the lothario household. don you look... different without all my defaults

screen resolution defaulted to the right size without me having to change anything by the way, which was nice

turned up all the graphics setting to max and going to visit the goth household as that always gives me lag, even vanilla

this experience is already making me realise I need to cut down my 12gb downloads folder, cos man this is so smooth and fast without all of that in my game

well everything is working perfectly straight out of the box. had no issues with multiple sims on the big goth lot

going to quit and load up again with my ui mods and defaults next (along with hugelunatic's ikea pack as cc)

legacy collection has an entirely different file path by the way, so won't mess with existing ultimate collection installs (i wouldn't have dared to do this otherwise)

okay all my defaults, ui mods and some others are now in (downloads folder is up to 3.64gb now) and everything is working fine still

ikea items as cc don't seem to be fully appearing in the catalog though? that might be a me problem but i dont know

adding in all my cas cc now, along with hood defaults and hood deco cc (downloads folder is up to 6.5gb now). i'm also adding in anything else I can think of like camera mods, user startup cheat etc etc

getting into pleasantview in less than 2 mins still

heading into cas for the first time now...

... and it loaded up within 10 seconds even with ALL of my cas cc? and this is the first time too so I would've expected major lag. normally cas takes about 60 seconds to load in my game

update on the ikea pack as cc... the build items are definitely there, but not the buy for some reason?

biting the bullet and adding in the remaining 6gb of my 12gb downloads folder

all of my cc is now in the game and loading times were about 30 seconds longer than before. still no issues

took darren dreamer to a community lot and there were no crashes/issues/lag. normally going to a community lot is very dangerous for me cos its where I get the most crashes or issues, its why all my community lots are incredibly small lot sizes

also I have the hood deco view set to extra large... normally I have to have it set to extra small just to play in a small household

i dont think I'm being delulu here to say things are running better

next up is adding in all of my mods, then after that I might dare putting in my mega populated uberhood save, and try reshade?

another ikea update: everything is showing up now. it was me being an idiot

so all of my mods are now also in (so my entire downloads folder now) and i haven't been able to trigger any crashes or pink soup yet through normal gameplay? even with extra large hood view from lots

reshade keeps crashing my game on startup... damn, what am I doing wrong

RESHADE IS NOW WORKING (ver 6.1.1)! thanks to this guide

I finally added in my uberhood save (which is packed with hood deco and and has 35 playable families).... and it's working! I also played with a household for a bit and everything was working fine

final update before I go to bed (as its gone midnight here lol)

i now have all of my mods, cc, saves, and reshade installed, and I've yet to have any pink soup or crashes (apart from the crashes when I was *incorrectly* trying to install reshade). honestly... i'm surprised. i dont want to speak too soon obviously, but things seem better. i was just playing in a household with extra large lot view on and that would usually IMMEDIATELY crash my game, but nothing happened. tomorrow i'll actually play for an extended period of time, so i'll be able to tell more for sure then.

i hope this has been helpful to at least a couple of people, and i'll leave with you a shot of my pleasantview newly loaded up in the legacy collection 😅

[miniimight]

DISAPPEARING ACT . rindou often disappears for weeks at a time, showing up at home as if it's nothing. a brief exchange triggers a factory reset in him, but you're not as open to it as he expected you to be...

prompt used "better than me disappearing for good. / is it?"

with married!rindou + fem!reader

warnings cursing. a lot of cursing. angst? rindou is an idiot and possessive.

part two

you never got to see your husband anymore. so much so that you considered the chance of it happening next to nothing. you knew what you were getting into being in an relationships with him; lots of meetings and flights to other cities all meant extended time away from home.

you would've been a little more forgiving had he chosen to tell you these things. but no. morning after morning, you wake up to him gone without a trace, without consideration for how you feel. was he alive? was he with someone else? did he not care enough to call or even send a text?

it was as if you lived alone, and a stranger crashed at your place every once in a while. and while you shared polite exchanges, no amount of small talk could overshadow how bleak your marriage was.

it was eleven days before he showed up again. you were, surprisingly, awake when he returned. he was perfectly groomed, albeit a little jaded, but still regarded you with the same coldness you endured since he started leaving. you missed the warmth of your younger days, where he would hold you close and reassure you that you were meant for each other for life.

you decided today was as good a day as any. heck, he even might be gone tomorrow and it would be like you didn't say anything.

"i'm tired of you disappearing for days and then coming back like it was nothing." you said plainly.

he slipped out of his shoes, looking down at you. rolling his eyes lightly but sighing heavily, he started to pull off his tie. "better than me disappearing for good."

a wry smile spread on your face. oh, if he only knew. "is it?"

those two words sent an arrow straight through his heart.

rindou was silent, pretending as if he didn't hear what you just said. but when you scoffed and walked away, he knew it was too real for him to overlook.

"you don't mean that." it was less of a question and more of a please, don't mean it.

you shrugged and went back to your phone, too benumbed to even look at him.

he stared at you, utterly confused as to how to tackle this. "y/n." he said firmly.

you slowly raised your head to meet his eyes, void of any care. "what?"

"i said, you don't mean that." he stood like a tree in the middle of the living area, palms growing sweaty. he loved you. he couldn't lose you, not when you both went through so much to get here.

"don't i?" you responded, placing your phone beside you. not like i see you anymore, anyway. what's the difference?

"stop fucking talking like that and answer me." he snarled. you rolled your eyes, rising to your feet.

"look, rin. who the fuck cares what i think or say? certainly not you." you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. "just—just forget i said anything." you turned towards your bedroom. "goodnight."

wait. he lunged forward, grabbing your arm and spinning you around to face him, backing you against a wall. caging you with arms on either side of you, he stared into your soul, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of you.

you just stared back.

his heart clenched. yeah, he was away for weeks at a time. of course he didn't tell you. why would he? why would he burden you with that information?

"you really think me going away forever is better?" his voice was a whisper, but held the sharpness of a knife. "huh? you want me gone forever?"

you sighed. "i didn't say i wanted that. i just meant that, either way, it doesn't matter. going away forever, going away for weeks and weeks but only staying for a night..." your eyes met his, glossy but fierce. "it's the same to me. i don't care what the hell you do anymore, rindou. just let me go to bed."

he studied the person he truly loved for so long, wondering when it all went downhill.

you were impatient, ducking under his arms. "shit..." you cursed, rubbing the back of your neck as you walked away.

he watched you go. and he never saw you come back.

the next morning he woke up, expecting to see you in the kitchen or watching tv, but his house was empty.

"y/n?" he called out. no answer. he pulled up his phone. no texts, no calls. he bustled around the house, looking for some indication of where you went and he found nothing.

he called his brother, thinking that he was the next best person you would've gone to, but ran had no contact from you.

rindou sat on the couch, nothing to do but sit and wait. he looked around. everything was well-kept, pristine, and sanitized. it was like no one lived here at all. no one except a lonely spouse in an eternal cycle of wait for a husband that wouldn't even give them the time of day to say, i'm heading out.

i love you.

goodbye.

he leaned back, closing his eyes. he doesn't even say goodbye.

he hated himself for it.

hours passed and he didn't move from the couch. he knew you sat there for much longer, day after day, waiting for him. no wonder you were uncaring. coming home meant nothing if he would simply leave again.

then he heard the click of the door. he practically jumped off the couch, racing over to the entrance. he saw you with a couple groceries hooked on your forearms, struggling to keep the door open long enough for you to slip inside.

he rushed over. yanking the door open with such force, it slammed into the wall causing you to jump. rindou winced a little, steadying the door from swinging wildly.

you eyes met his and your face immediately scrunched with confusion. "what are you doing here?"

"well... it's my house..?" he said dumbly.

you pressed your lips into a line. "hm."

you expected me to be gone again, he thought bitterly. he cleared his throat. "let me help you with these," he alleviated the weight off your arms, bunching up a couple bags and carrying them all in one go. "you know, you could just order them for delivery."

you sidestepped him and walked to the kitchen. "why would i do that?"

"so you can have them brought to you from the comfort of your home." he responded lightly. following robotically, he was unsure where everything was supposed to be put away.

you laughed, catching him off-guard. on closer inspection, though, he knew that wasn't a genuine laugh. "rindou, do you think i want to stay in this place any more than i have to?"

you said it so casually, grabbing a bag from him and stocking the cabinets and fridges.

his stomach swirled with much more unease than he'd ever experienced on the job. it was the way you simply didn't care anymore, talking about the rift between you and him as if you were reciting the weather report.

fight me, he wanted to say. kick, yell at me, scream at me, do anything at all to show me you're upset. he knows he fucked up. you definitely know he fucked up. so why weren't you telling him that? why weren't you cursing him out for being a bad husband? your nonchalance came from a long time being cast aside, so much so that you expected it to happen; so much so that you gave up on him.

indifference was the final nail in the coffin of your marriage, and you were about to bang it shut.

he observed you, thinking about how many times you'd busy yourself with mundane errands to feel like you were living. how many times you'd come back to this flat, putting away shit you'd probably never touch. how many times you'd listen to the silence ringing off the walls.

he set the bags down and held your shoulders, turning you to face him. "i've taken the next few days off."

you smiled insincerely. "great."

rindou felt like a kid again, when he had work up enough courage to ask you out. "we... we could spend them together."

your eyes squinted. "why?"

he spluttered. "what do you mean, why?"

you swatted his hands off your shoulders. "god, i shouldn't have said anything," you mumbled. "rindou, this is just you feeling guilty because of what i said last night, okay?"

he frowned. "it's not."

your eyebrows raised as you rummaged through another grocery bag. "it is. don't pretend like you're gonna change. what did you think we were going to do—go out together? like old times, when we were happy and in love?"

his face burned. anyone else—if it were anyone else speaking so flippantly with him, he'd have them beat til they're unconscious. and past tense? when we were in love? his brain was doing backflips trying to find a way to salvage the situation. "yes."

you laughed that fake laugh again. it grated on his ears. "that's funny. i was just feeling a little vulnerable last night, is all. had a couple of drinks and maybe was feeling sentimental about the days when everything was simple."

rindou stepped closer to you, ripping the bag away from your hands and towering over you. "it is simple. we can—"

"we can't do anything." you curled your hands into fists, your voice trembling. "can you just..?" go away?

rindou's breath caught in his chest, fully anticipating another heartless laugh.

he hated it when you cried. he hated it when you were angry. he would do anything for your eternal happiness, he realized, and he'd been falling short of his promises for far too long.

rindou leaned onto the counter, bending at the waist. his hand rested on your waist and his eyes were laser focused on your expression, a confusing mix of frustration, sadness, and the will to remain emotionless.

"baby," he whispered.

"don't fucking call me baby." you hissed.

he pursed his lips, unwilling to compromise. "pretty baby. i don't wanna go on like this." his fingers brushed your cheek. "i don't want to you to be sad anymore."

"well, isn't that righteous." you rolled your eyes though your heart ached. it ached for him, for the boyfriend he was and the husband he promised to be.

he glared at you. "would you just listen?"

"no, rindou." you shoved him away from you, despite the overwhelming urge telling you to pull him in and hug him tight. "stop acting like i'm the one making things difficult. like you're being a fucking saint trying to bring us back together when the only reason we're like this is because of you." your voice became watery, growing in volume as you finally succumbed to all the hurt and pain inside you.

"i tried to be understanding." you sobbed. "i did. i tried. you have your work and i know that it's dangerous. but seriously—you promised you'd make time for me. you promised." you sniffed, rubbing tears off your cheeks, ranting without any goal in mind. "you don't even say goodbye."

he stood frozen, your emotions hitting him square in the face and leaving him dazed. it was like the only thing he could do was stand and watch.

"i didn't want to do this." you said tearfully. "i'm sorry i said anything, okay? i'm sorry. just—leave me alone."

his eyes narrowed. "never. i'm never leaving."

your glassy eyes shot up to meet his with a hard look of their own.

"i love you, y/n. and i'm never letting you go." he said firmly, stepping closer and closer to you. he was done beating around the bush; you should know that no matter how many times you push him away, he will never leave you. he'd make up for his mistakes; all you had to do was give him a chance.

you scoffed. "love? you love me?"

he caged you against the opposite counter with two arms on either side of you. "yeah. i do."

you stared up at him, tears staining your cheeks. "you're a liar."

"y/n." he growled—a warning.

"can't go back into the world having the poor little wife weighing on your conscious, is that it?" you snapped. "never stopped you before."

"y/n."

"no." you ducked under his arm, leaving the kitchen. you evaded his attempts to pull you back, running to the closet. grabbing a coat and your purse, you slipped on your shoes.

"where the fuck are you going?" rindou yelled after you. "this conversation isn't over."

"it is for me." you mumbled, throwing the front door open and ignoring the fire in the pit of your stomach. you got into your car and started it up. the garage opened at an agonizing pace, enough time for rindou to come bursting out the door. he stood at your window.

"y/n, you are not leaving. get out of the car."

"fuck off." you grit your teeth, your eyes raising to the rearview mirror to reverse. you screeched to a halt when you saw rindou's purple hair in the reflection. you gaped, rolling down your window and whipping your head to face him. "are you insane? move!"

he shook his head, standing in all his glory right behind the car. his arms were crossed and his weight rested on one hip; the picture of stubbornness. "you're gonna have to run me over."

you scoffed, laughing breathlessly at the absurd situation. "i'll call the police."

"you won't."

you grabbed your phone. "i will, don't try and stop me from leaving."

"you won't call the police, and you wanna know why?" rindou let his head fall to his shoulder. "you love me. i know you do."

you opened your mouth to retort.

"don't even try to deny it." he chuckled lowly. "you're just protecting yourself, baby. you're protecting yourself from the nightmare you call a husband, right?"

your eyes rounded, looking at him with an unreadable expression.

he walked to your side of the car, reaching through the opening to flick the window button. he slipped his hand out as it began to slowly slide back up.

"leave, then. just know i'm not going to stop my efforts to get you back." he smiled as he went back into the house.

the window closed completely.

you were brimming with annoyance, yet you couldn't help but feel a pang of heartache when you pulled out of the driveway, leaving your house—and rindou—behind.

this was so self-indulgent lol. i know they mean well, but when people apologize so quickly and with such intensity, i just get frustrated that i had to get to such a low point to see any remorse or change from them. and of course, i can't argue without crying my eyes out. anyway, do we want a part two?

© miniimight ! thanks for reading <3

[littleplantfreak]

Wait for the tone, you know what to do~

Pairing: Umemiya Hajime x reader

Tags: SFW and no cws I think!

Word count: About 1.0k

So it's a songfic! I listened to Austin by Blake Shelton and knew if anyone would wait for you even after a year, it'd be him. I followed the song pretty much to a T

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

It had been a year since you left him. The feelings from back then still haunt you, but you thought they would've been long gone by now. You were an idiot, to be clear. You got so scared of how hard you fell for him and how good he was for you that you ran a few towns away without so much as an apology.

Since you'd left, though, the bed feels cold and hollow, or maybe that's just you and you're not sure if it's a good idea, but you decided to call him. If he changed his number, you wouldn't blame him in the least. This was your fault after all. He was so in love with you back then, he looked at you as if you'd brought the sun out every day, and put it to sleep every night. You fiddle with the necklace he gave you on your first anniversary, the one you still haven't brought yourself to take off, even on the few dates you've tried to go on. If he answers, great; if he doesn't...you're not sure what to say.

The phone rings three times, and you hold your breath as you hear the sound of his voice mail.

"Hey! If it's Hiragi, I'm teaching the kids to swim over at the gym down the street," and you can't help but puff out a laugh. Of course, he is. "It was a last minute thing since the regular teacher got sick, so meet me there if you wanna grab a drink tonight! Oh, but if it's Sakura, I'm still having that barbecue tomorrow night, and yes, you and your girlfriend are invited and then some. Bring as many plus ones as you want! It's gonna be an amazing night. If it's anyone else, just leave me a message." You hear a slight pause before you almost press the button to hang up. "...If it's ___, I still love you." and your breathing stops at the way he sounds. His voice is still so full of affection; it sounds the same as the day you left, and you drop your phone by accident. The screen is shattered, but you can tell it hung up. The spidery cracks of the glass in your heart stabbing and slicing at the wound you'd tried so desperately to close, reopen it from only seven words. Seriously, this guy...who even says that?! Who knows how long and how many times he'd changed his recording and still kept that in there.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

It takes three days for you to get a new phone and get it activated and synced up. You can't just text him. That is in no way a text conversation, you tell yourself. Let's try this again. Three rings, just like before. Okay, here we go; you brace yourself, wondering if it'll be the same one from a few days ago.

"If it's about the fundraiser at the library, donations go to Kusumi or you can drop them off at the cafe. If it's Saturday, we're going to the beach for the weekend! I'm trying to 'unplug' a bit, so unless it's an emergency, I'll get back to you Monday! Have a great weekend. P.s., if this is ___, I do still love you!" The tone is different this time. A little more chipper, and it may be due to the beach trip. He always did love dragging you there for the day. He'd wake you up at 6 AM, lifting you out of the bed, blankets and all, to hold you to him and whisper that he's kidnapping you for the day if that's alright, and he'd never fail to mumble the last part since he knew you'd have to call off work for it. It didn't matter; you'd call off work a thousand times if it meant you'd get to hold his hand on the train again.

You leave your number. That's it. He should know your voice, right? You feel the cowardly part of yourself that you hate so much rear up only for you to shove it back down. No more running. If he's waited for you this long, he deserves the best version of you that you can give right now, not the same one that turned tail at the first sign you'd wanted to spend your whole life with him. So you'll wait for Monday.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Umemiya knows that voice anywhere. You didn't leave your name, but it has to be you, right? His hands shake a bit as he hits redial, and he curses himself for going to the beach now. He needed it given how stressed he's been lately, but of all times to miss your call. What would you have said? What would he have said? Are you going to answer? The phone is ringing, and for the first time in a while, he's speechless.

"If you're calling about my heart, it's still yours. I should've listened to it a little more. Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong." Oh, it is you. He should've known immediately; he was just afraid to get his hopes up. Your old number called the first time, and he nearly had a heart attack rereading the numbers over and over to make sure, but you didn't leave a message, so it could've been accidental. He didn't want to push you further away than you already were. The last time, the number you gave was new. He wondered what that was about, but he has the chance to ask you now that he's sure you reached out first. "Not sure if you're still there..." your voice trails off in a nervous chuckle, while he's silently panicking that he hadn't given any response, "...but if you are, I still love you too."

"No I do! I am...You too- I mean I still love you too- also-," He's never been so unable to articulate the thousands of things he's wanted to tell you and say to you, and he might just get choked up if he's not careful.

"Thank you, Hajime," You say, and this time you're going to run straight for him, no looking back.

[aakaneeee]

She woke up on what seems to be a hospital bed, with multiple devices tied to her, and a burning, sharp pain from her shoulder.

So I'm alive.

Why am I alive?

I was supposed to die. I was supposed to go down. I was supposed to go down with him.

She turned, now staring blankly at the ceiling. In her peripheral vision, she could see what she was wearing: a white hospital gown. She raised her hand and touched gently around the area that hurt like hell: the material was different, bandage-like, and slightly soggy. She pulled her fingers away, and looked. Blood. Huh. How weird.

They shot me non fatally... but still, why am I here?

She felt extraordinarily numb. Like a huge part of her soul had shriveled up and died. She knows she should have gone, as well.

I no longer feel like this is my own body. I, again, as I have so many times, feel like I am watching from third person. This time, no one is touching me and I don't think I'm under the influence of anything.

She got up to the edge of her hospital bed. Everything cramped: she guessed she had been unconscious for a while. Her legs felt weak, so she decided not to walk yet.

The door to my tiny room opened, and my owner entered.

"What was that, Yvonne? You almost threw away everything, for what?!" She started, the absolute flame in her voice obvious. "You're lucky I already had talked with the owners. Money did the thing. But I could've had that if you just did it according to the plan! Now you'll have an ugly mark and you're eliminated. Do you have any idea what you've lost?- Are you even listening?!"

Ever since she said "You're lucky I already talked with the owners.", she just blankly stared at her as if she either just became deaf on the spot, or her whole sky just dawned on her.

"You're.. the one that did that?" I whispered, trying to keep my shaking voice in check.

"Yes, aren't you just so grateful?"

She didn't say anything for good minutes. She could've been where she needed to: dead. With Sebastian. It was the only possibility that would have worked for her if he would have lost. And he did. And it didn't happen the way she planned.

"I'm tired." I say, looking at the ground. She knew her owner spoke for way longer. She didn't care. At last, she walked out.

I rummaged through the drawers next to my bed. Convenient, they were filled with my belongings. I searched for something specific: pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Atleast if I'm watching in third person, I can also be on something. She lit it up. She swore she'd quit. She swore she'd stop. She couldn't. She layed back down. She killed him. It was all her fault. He was probably already dead before the shot hit him. And now she was alive.

I should face the punishment for my crimes. I destroyed myself for nothing. I killed him for nothing. I could have done just simple violence. He would be alive. I would've been shot, and considering my owner's plans, we both would've been alive. I would've gotten in touch. I'm a filthy idiot. An imbecile that should not have been over here now. I just wanted to make it better. I made it worse.

Yes, only she could kill him. But only if she dies too. She didn't find the glass shard between her belongings, so she assumed her owner will be even more careful with how she'll touch weapons. Without realizing, she became an active suicide risk, while she should've been already dead.

I took one last smoke and extinguished the cigarette. It felt like betrayal to do this again.

She's sorry.

I'm sorry.

She's.. 

I'm...

does it even matter anymore?

Maybe "it" is more fitting. It's not like "it" is it's own person anymore.

sebastian belongs to @sotogalmo (acting as if I didn't tag you because I need you to see this RN./srs)

[jisunghannie]

Our Winter Night

PAIRING: Lee Know x fem!reader

WARNING: Swearing is used in this story. Lots of angst.

SUMMARY: You loved Minho with every bit of your heart. The worse thing is that he didn't love you back. You had to endure him give his heart to another woman under the snow fall. The same snow fall that you guys had made a promise under.

WORD COUNT: 575

A/N:

`○°.• ✿ •.°○` = Timeskip

This is A LOT shorter than my usual writes but that's because this is the angsty ending for this story! DNI with this post if you prefer the happy and fluffy ending!

You sat on the swing as you watched the snow fall so beautifully. You truly loved the snow. But the hated the memories behind it.

You waited patiently for Minho but he never came. You knew he wouldn't show up. You got a call from Minho just then.

"Minho?" You called his name, questioning why he even called you. "She said yes y/n! She said yes!" He said excitedly over the phone. "What are you on about?" You asked as you could hear his laughs and excitement, "I asked her to marry me and she said yes y/nnie!"

Just then, you felt your whole world come falling down. You didn't want to believe that he was marrying a different woman. You came to peace with getting over him, but him getting married was new. "Why her though?" You asked him and he said, "Why not her?" He answered back, "I mean she's sweet, she's funny, she's caring, she's smart, she's a great listener, she's-" As he kept going on you felt your heart break with each compliment he gave her. Wishing that you were the one he was talking about.

"That's great, I'm happy for you Minho." You said smiling. He sounded more relaxed and took a big breath, "Thank you for being here despite everything y/n. I love you for real. You definitely have to be my groomswoman." He joked as you laughed over the phone. "Of course, just let me know." You said as the call ended.

Once it ended, tears poured down your cheeks. You cried and sobbed knowing that the woman that Minho would marry wasn't you. Knowing he would be loving someone new, having a family with someone new, caring for someone new, and the worst thing about it was that you still weren't over him.

`○°.• ✿ •.°○`

It had been months after he had told you. Now he was having the wedding. Those months felt like years had gone by. And when you looked at her for the first time, you understood why he had chosen her. Once they held hands, the wedding officiant then stepped up. "If anyone objects to the wedding of this couple, speak now or forever hold your peace."

You didn't know why but suddenly you stood up. Minho looked horrified to see you stand up. "I object." You said. Walking next to Minho. "Minho I'm sorry, but I love you... I really do... I'm not just going to sit here and watch you marry another woman, I lo-" You were cut off by Minho's raised voice. "Just stop!" He yelled out, "If I knew that you would've been like this. I would've never, EVER, talked with you. Not like this. Not ever. I know and remember the promise I made to you, but," He said with a serious look on his face, "Some promises are meant to be broken." He said as you stood there. Looking dumb and idiotic. Stopping your best friend from marrying the one he loves because you were selfish.

"Get out of my sight." Minho said bluntly and harshly as your heart broke. You knew that now, you really had to kiss your friendship with Minho goodbye. As you left to the secluded park where you 2 met.

Admiring the scenery one last time. Breathing in the fresh air. Before you reached into the pits of your soul.

And let your sobs out.

Never to be loved by Minho.

@babybreadddd

[repeatcubed]

Febuwhump Day 6 - Forced to Stay Awake

TW: Kidnapping, torture, mention of death, whipping

“You're gonna give up so soon?” Taunting, teasing, provoking. That was the only thing Evan was good for. “I didn't realize you wanted to go haywire so badly. Desperate to kill more people, hm?”

Allen growled to himself, wrists straining against the heavy metal chains that strapped him to the wall. The cuffs were ridiculously large compared to the meager size of his wrists, shrunken and decayed from how little he was allowed to eat. As if the food were tolerable in the first place.

He had been “assigned” to Evan months- no, nearly a year ago. A renowned hunter, tamer, you name it. Sent in to capture and contain (if not kill) the unruly and destructive beast.

That didn't really work out, though, did it?

The second Allen's eyes closed, everything went dark. He couldn't remember what happened during the surges, but he was all too aware of the aftermath.

An absolute bloodbath.

There was an easy solution. A ritual, special weapon, and poof! Dead. No more monster.

But Evan was a different breed altogether. Allen was far too interesting to just dispose of. So, another solution was formed.

He only lost control when he was asleep. It became a test, a game.

It had been nearly a week. Allen couldn't stop the screaming in the back of his mind. He was losing it. He needed sleep, he was so, so, so tired.

“I'm talking to you, freak!” The sudden clang of metal on metal, rattling the chain on his left arm, made his eyes snapped open. He was drifting off again. “Keep those eyes open, yeah? If it gets too hard I'll just sear ‘em off.”

“You're an imbecile.” He murmured, head hung low. His hands had gone numb days ago, and his feet ached from the constant weight they were forced to endure.

“What was that?” The slow words almost made him reconsider. Almost.

“You.” He raised his gaze, just enough to catch Evan’s, his own eyes narrowing, teeth bared. “Are an idiot. If you weren't, you would've killed me already.”

“And waste a perfectly good-”

“Specimen?” He spat out a dry laugh, suddenly straining against the restraints. “You aren't a scientist! You're a freak, you're even worse than me! This isn't necessary, this isn't saving anyone, it's torture!”

“Torture?”

Allen froze. A chill ranch down his spine. He had never heard that tone before, he had never seen that gaze. Wicked, dark, beyond the taunting of before.

“I can show you torture.”

“Wait. Wait!”

“Too late, freak show!” He shouted, hands moving to remove the belt wrapped around his waist. “You might be tough when you're in that fucking form, but like this? You're weak. You're soft. You. Are. Nothing.”

Evan stalked forward with each word, folding the leather strap over itself. His hand wrapped around the bend, arm swinging back to bring the buckle across Allen's chest.

The air was sucked from his lungs, straining against the chains once more. Tears welled in his eyes, lips parted as teeth ground together, barely managing to choke back a shout as his skin split up beneath the metal.

But, there wasn't a break. Two more hits on nearly identical spots. At the third, he gargled out a groan. At the fourth, he screamed, body thrashing against the bonds to break free, to shield himself.

Why couldn't he change? Why was it only when he was asleep, why wasn't it ever when he needed it?

It felt like hours before Evan finally stopped. His shirt was torn, tattered, dripping with blood. All he could do was tremble and choke back sobs, winces, whimpers. He didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

“You’re not going to sleep.” Evan hummed, back to that lighthearted, sing-song attitude. He was dragging a chair over, the wood legs scraping mercilessly against the ground. “Every time your eyes shut…” He waved the belt in the air. Blood dribbled down from the buckle.

“This is torture, freak show. All that shit before was child's play.” Allen's head dropped, but he could still hear that damn smirk in his voice. “And now, I am running an experiment. Are you gonna pass out, even if I keep beating the shit out of you? Will you change at some point anyways?”

His head rose, just enough to catch sight of Evan’s gaze. Shining, haunting, hungry.

“Either way, who cares?” He stood once more, raising a hand to catch Allen’s jaw in a painful grasp,  drawing their faces even closer. “You’re going to die here.”

[nexusspacey]

Response to video about Nihilism through the lens of minecraft.

(My response has nothing to do with gaming)

Video: https://youtu.be/RB4XrSOcvFA?si=8raegl6VQJzVvg8i

(By Tumblr User @girlfoxcock actually!)

As someone who's had life throw rocks at their head a good couple times I agree that finding joy is most important. Setting it up and caring for it is hard, but what I find most interesting looking back is that a lot of joy is simply missed by sheltering for pain, or displeasure. Fear or Discomfort.

At every huge step in my life I have unceremoniously fallen down the stairs, ending up far below where I started.

For instance, quite recently I was close to finishing my diploma, had a dream internship at a Hospital working IT (doesn't sound very dreamy, but it felt very rewarding) about 2 months into this internship I start experiencing a strange pain. I have to stop my internship there as this pain prevented me from walking basically any distance.

About a year later now, that pain still hasn't gone away. Likely going to be chronic because the doctors can't figure out the cause.

Despite this, I fought to get my diploma, finished a DIFFERENT internship and while having chronic pain I have managed to travel the world, study politics and history. Honestly. If I hadn't "fallen down these stairs" I might've never had the time for it all. Without falling down I might've never seen what lies behind the stairway of life. What lies below me. What lies above me.

But it would've made things a whole lot easier....

Life for me is to keep going. And about the experiences made Despite, or sometimes even BECAUSE of suffering.

Having been suicidal much further up those stairs I look at myself as a fool.

Not giving up IS the only option, because I DO give joy to others while I'm here. And I intend to keep doing so

So please. To anyone who reads this. Keep going. For all those whom you give joy to. And just as importantly. For you.

I just had to learn this fast I guess... I'm only 22 at the time of writing.

I wonder if this fool will look at this young idiot later and think "Oh how naive they were" like I have time and time again.

If so, may I greet you; Older me. I hope we meet someday.

Thursday 25th of July. 2024.

Written in Brussels, in bed, at Midnight. In a Hostel. In my notes app/in the YouTube comments.

[ryker-writes]

Lost

Jaxon Crowley's masterlist

Jaxon Crowley, the son of the headmage, and a feared delinquent of Night Raven College, didn't know what to do. He overblotted, is basically an outcast at NRC, and just found out that his mom is most likely already dead. She wasn't happy and deep down Jaxon knows he would've wanted her to be happy even back then, but he wishes things had gone differently. Maybe if she had told him he could've done things differently. He could've tried to fix things.

Before, he had planned to leave NRC to go find his mom so it could be like old times. It was the only goal or sense of direction he had to go on. Now that that's gone he's...lost. What was he supposed to do now? Where does he go from here? What does he even do with his life aside from linger around? He never had much motivations or plans before, and he had even less now.

He's empty. Maybe that's why he found himself in the courtyard just staring up at the clouds. He glared up at them. Even they knew where they were going, or at least, they were moving in a direction. He's just sitting still.

As he started to get annoyed with clouds just floating by, he heard footsteps approach him quickly. He didn't pay much attention to the footsteps at all even when they stopped nearby. It was probably just someone contemplating if they want to fight or bother him. It wasn't anything worth his attention right now anyway.

"Uhm...Crowley-senpai?"

Looks like they came to bother him. Letting out a deep sigh, Jaxon lazily looked up to see who it was. One of those Heartslabyul brats was standing there looking slightly nervous. Upon seeing the red Heartslabyul vest peeking out from his uniform, Jaxon look away completely uninterested.

"Get lost."

"I just wanted to talk to you about something."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Why not?"

"You're bothering me. On top of that, you're part of Heartslabyul."

"Why does that matter?"

Sighing once again, Jaxon fully rolled over to face the student.

"Look, I'm confident you've heard about what I did to that Heartslabyul student years ago. You guys were told to avoid me, and I avoid you. I'm already in a bad mood today so if you keep talking, it might not end well."

"I don't care what you did years ago. I'm here to talk to you now."

Jaxon thought this might be the only kid that doesn't care about what he did. Maybe he's wanting to get on Jaxon's good side, or maybe he was just an idiot. Either way, Jaxon didn't have the energy to even fight right now and fighting would only mean he'd have to deal with his dad again.

"Whatever you want better be good."

The student smiled slightly before walking closer to Jaxon and crouching down next to him. Jaxon rolled his eyes and turned to look up at the sky once again. This kid would surely be gone soon.

"How do you manage your temper?"

"What?"

"Your temper. Like when people insult you or push your buttons, how do you not get fired up and the urge to just fight them?"

"You're kidding right? You must be stupid if you think I'm able to manage my temper."

"I was told you used to fight everyone when you were a first year even if they just looked at you. Then you come back from expulsion and people talk about you and you walk past them like you don't even care. You haven't gotten into a serious fight with anyone since you've been back. How?"

"If I fought every person who saw me in any negative light, I'd have to fight the entire school. My temper isn't gone at all. I've wanted to fight people here even now. Fighting them would mean I'd be stuck here longer though. I'd rather just deal with whatever they say or do to me than have to be stuck here longer."

"So you're controlling it better so you can get out of school? You must have something you want outside of here then...but I thought you weren't doing much in classes."

"What does it matter to you?"

There was a moment of silence as he tried to process Jaxon's question and figure out how to word it. Jaxon was as uninterested as ever and still not even looking at him.

"I have a bit of a temper and past with fighting too. I'm trying to get away from that...for my mom. I want to be an honor student but I tend to get angry and lose my temper when people say something about me or my friends."

Jaxon stayed quiet for a moment. Maybe it was because he mentioned trying to stop for his mom or maybe his past with fighting, but Jaxon felt strangely connected to it. This guy couldn't know about Jaxon's connection with his mom. He looked like a freshman and just going off what he's heard about Jaxon. After what he said though, Jaxon didn't want to just brush it off. Sighing once again, he realized he was caught in a vulnerable moment.

"Listen. Night Raven College is a school where it's impossible to avoid having something said about you. Doesn't matter who you are, everyone has something someone hates them for. Most of the time they want a reaction out of you. If you can't figure out how to get it handled then you'll probably end up getting into a serious fight."

"What am I supposed to do then?"

"Don't say anything. I walk past them without even looking in their direction and they get more upset than I do. You're still in control and winning the battle without fighting. You're trying to get away from it for your mom, but she'd probably want you to not do anything anyway. Try to think about how she would feel about it."

"I see. Is that what you do?"

"No."

"What? Why give advice that you don't even follow?"

"You're not supposed to do what I do. That's how you end up like me and everyone hates you."

"You mean you don't think about how your parents feel about what you do at all?"

He used to. He used to be in shame of what he did because he could've been the one that caused his mom to leave. Now he knows he was part of the reason, and it's too late to fix anything. His dad's already given up on him too. The only parent that cared is gone. Just thinking about it again hurt. It made him realize just how alone and hated he is.

"No. There's no one left that cares about me, and I have no reason to care about them. That's all. I do everything for myself."

"That...sounds lonely."

"Doesn't matter to me. Besides, it's not like I have any other choice."

The student didn't say anything in response. They sat there quietly for a few minutes as they thought about the conversation.

"What's your name?"

"Deuce Spade."

[anakinh]

Okay I finished LOVM and this is my coherent review.

I... hmm, I'm having a hard time staying objective since they changed so much and tbh I prefer the steam (mostly for Raishan), so I'm constantly thinking of things missed. Plus I know I tend to skew negative so here are my complaints and an equal number of compliments, starting with the negatives:

they made Ripley cooler, but they also gave her this sympathetic backstory of trying to make the world safer. The problem is that Percy's been gone half the season and his guns did less against dragons than Vax's magic knife, Vex's magic bow, and Keyleth's magic magic. In the end Ripley ends up looking like an idiot or a liar. Hell, even during her fight Cabal's Ruin did more to make her dangerous than her gun. Anyway it would've been cooler and more interesting to make Percy more effective or his guns more OP to actually reinforce her point.

So Keyleth had a whole realization(TM) that her strength comes from her companions and then she... 1v1ed Raishan and won? Without needing her companions? I mean I know she mentioned an anchor but damn, not even a flashback of Vax? Am I the media illiterate one? I think the mention of the anchor needed to harness disease is what took my reaction from "come on" to "i GUESS" but come on

God they did my girl Raishan so dirty

Honestly I didn't like Keyleth's arc here and I think it's probably fine, story wise, and it's mostly because I didn't like the tropes and also THEY DID MY GIRL RAISHAN SO DIRTY I seriously cannot separate Keyleth's arc and my salt at the Raishan thing there's no way I can enjoy it. sigh.

In the stream the Matron was fine with resurrections if they were taken before their time and the Percy situation is the perfect example of it (sucked into a demon gun!) Why'd they go for the C3 gods bad discourse? I'm so sick of this goddamn discourse they could've AVOIDED IT

Okay, positives:

oh my god Laura Fucking Bailey. I love Vex so much. Laura Fucking Bailey you did it again and you never fail to impress why are you so good at voice acting I love Vex/Percy so fucking much asjkfjsdkfjkjs

The Anna Ripley backstory (and Trent cameo) is great. She was an incredible villain overall, unlike [criticism redacted]. The backstory was a very cool cameo and insight into her backstory and motivations, although again [criticism redacted]. THEY DID GOOD AND THERE'S SOME SPACE FOR IT TO BETTER BUT IT'S STILL GOOD

Zerxus cameo! Love him. Love the Calamity stuff

Cute easter eggs still (like Velora reading der Katzenprince). Also I do like how cute they made Velora in preparation for [spoilers redacted]. And I like the Vex and her father interactions. Honestly I love Vex's entire narrative here, it's so amazing. Imagine being soft and kind and sexually assertive and a very dangerous killer? When will your fave ever

Fucking Yenk and dragon kaiju battle. Did I ever mention I love kaiju battles? Yenk fucking slammed an icicle on Vorugal's head. God.

One more since I complained a bit in point 2: I love army gathering sequences. The part with Earthbreaker Groon and the Storm Lord? Amazing imagery. Animation was overall very good.

There's a bunch of smaller stuff that were deviations from the stream that I'm not gonna comment on. Plus I know that lots of people were talking about Bard's Lament... honestly I don't have an opinion on that change, even though it's a major change. Anyway 7???/10 I really liked the first half and then I liked it less with each new episode as it became obvious that the Raishan relationship was going to be very different and also I didn't even get a good [criticism redacted]

[gloryundimmed]

dsfgsfkgskjdhg from here because I'm obsessed.

Intoxication often gave Kai way more guts than he'd have sober, but this time, after the words left his lips, he thought he'd gone too far. Right now, what he had with Loux was easy and fun. They could hang out and fuck and commit crimes and push each other to do worse and worse things, but there were no strings attached. A past version of himself would've said this was the perfect relationship— no risk, all reward.

Part of him hated that he felt different now, different enough to speak up about being Loux's boyfriend. He was, admittedly, high as a fucking kite, but he knew exactly what he was saying. It was something he should never say in a friends with benefits deal like this one. He really fucked up this time. If he acted fast, he could pass it off as a slip of the tongue or maybe even laugh and say it was a quote from some TV show.

God, why did he have to be the biggest fucking dumbass in the world? He already knew there wasn't a person alive who would want to date him. Even if there was, he couldn't even imagine how bad it would be to be in a relationship with someone like him. His body and soul were like a black hole, slowly sucking, dragging people down into a pitch-black abyss. That's who he was. A cataclysm in someone's life, a natural disaster that could only destroy. He had no business talking like this.

All he knew was he wanted nothing but to stay with Loux like this forever. If he lost this, there would be nothing left of him, but somehow he still had the nerve to say something so fucking stupid? He really was a fool. Fuck. He took another drag of the blunt they had been sharing and let it out slow, watching it join the haze covering the room. "Fuck," he muttered to himself, flicking off the embers of the joint and placing it on an ashtray to the side. Now, he had to take it back in some embarrassing attempt to save face.

But before he could say anything else, Loux went and did the impossible. The blond said he actually thought about him being his boyfriend. A dark pit formed in his stomach, twisting and knotting it around itself. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

With trembling hands, he grabbed the blunt again and took a long hit, keeping it down for a good while before releasing the smoke into the air. He couldn't even remember the last time he felt so nervous. It was like walking on a tightrope hanging above a pool of rabid sharks and a promise of an agonizing death should he fall. No, this was much worse.

No no no no no, fuck, you idiot, you're supposed to say no!

He had never been happier that he couldn't see Loux's face. That meant that Loux couldn't see his own, right? Hopefully, those bewitching grey eyes that he loved to gaze at while they fucked each other silly couldn't see how nervous he was all of a sudden. That was wishful thinking, though. Kai's whole body felt stiff and tense.

Then came the real coup de grâce. Loux asked if he wanted to try it.

He didn't even know how to react. Invisible bonds constricted around his chest, a feeling of rising panic threatening to suffocate him as he found it harder and harder to breathe. "I..." he choked out.

"No." Kai winced, closing his eyes. He had to say no. He had to. If Loux got any closer to him, he'd only drag him down like everyone else. He'd fuck it up. That was the only thing he was capable of doing.

...But it seemed he wasn't physically capable of leaving it like that. He wanted to try being Loux's loser boyfriend. He wanted to try it so fucking bad, more than he had ever wanted anything.

"....Yes. Yes. Yes."

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, his heart felt like it was going to explode into a million pieces. He glanced down and brushed Loux's messy blond hair from his eyes. For a moment, he hesitated, but quickly gave up, his high making him extra sensitive to the other's warmth on his shoulder. His whole body buzzed from being higher than he really should be. He needed so much more of Loux assaulting his senses. Fucking hell, he really needed it now.

Kai leaned down and licked his bottom lip before wrapping his arm around the back of his head and pulling him in for a deep kiss. When his buzzing lips met the blond's, he felt a wave of endorphins flood through his body, and he moaned into Loux's mouth, tongue dipping inside to taste him. As wrong as it might be, this felt so fucking right.

[demonsfate]

I think I've mentioned it before but that's just why i couldn't enjoy the story as much as I could've. Just bc every time Jin says something like "do I deserve to live...?" I think, well, did all the people you kill deserve to live? Or when characters like Lars and Alisa being super friendly to Jin even though in TK7, Lars wanted to kill Jin, and Alisa literally cries at remembering what Jin did to her. It just felt super weird. And I did went into TK8 assuming they weren't gonna explain why Jin's suddenly good again and how people just came to become buddies with him. But I was still highly disappointed they didn't give that explanation.

As I've pointed out many times. in TK6, Jin just wasn't forced to do something bad because he had to or else the world would go bye-bye. But he was also just uncharacteristically cruel for no true reason. See this post where I literally show examples of pre-TK6 Jin with TK6 Jin and how they behave totally different. So the fact that Jin went from telling Alisa she's a "worthless piece of junk" and that he's glad she's gone, versus him showing gratitude for her protection is something that's noticeable in the story, and something that you will question. Because everything Jin did in TK8, I just remember TK6. TK6 left that much of a stain on the character.

So if they weren't gonna explain the sudden change in Jin's character, why he's suddenly good, why everyone supports him... they should've just gave it a quick retcon. Like it would've been much easier to quickly say "yeah Jin's body was controlled by Devil or Azazel and he wasn't actually responsible for any of his actions! Because of this, the other characters sympathized with him and now view him as a victim as well!" As I've always said, if they want Jin to still have That Guilt... he can! it can just manifest from his weakness and shame that somebody used his body to harm and kill.

Another problem is all the unanswered or unresolved things. Maybe I'm wrong, but I could've sworn they said they'll explain the source of the Kazama powers... they don't? Like Jun has the power to repel the devil gene and supposedly heal, but that isn't explain how. She gives Jin the power, but it isn't explained why the Kazamas have it - just that they do and it exists to protect the ones they love. Jun was another problem because they built up her hype regarding her return but she was barely in it other than for flashbacks and in Jin's head. it was only until the very end that we found out that she's, seemingly, still alive. The inclusion of Reina means this isn't the end of the Mishima or the devil saga. Many other characters didn't really get their resolve, either. Xiao did upon finally being with Jin. Jin did with learning to love himself and wanting to live. but characters like Marshal, Paul, Bryan, Yoshimitsu, Lili, Asuka, Jack... they're all stuck in the same loop they've been in for over 20 years now. The same ol' story of marshal needs money, Paul's an idiot who never gets to go far in the tournaments, Asuka and Lili still fight each other - we're STILL not told how Asuka is related to Jin, and Asuka STILL doesn't know of her power that was hinted in her noncanon TK5 ending.

Then there were things I was just... confused by. Azucena is a prime example. When I first saw her in the second story trailer, I thought she was gonna be an evil capitalist queen who isn't what she seems - similar to Reina, she seems like a fun girl, but in reality - she's evil, selfish, power hungry and will do anything for her goal, even if it means siding with somebody who's gonna kill millions. I thought this made her more interesting than the first impression that she's just coffee obsessed. But when we actually see her in the story mode??? She... thinks she's on the good side?! Like she starts talking about world peace and how she'll do anything for it, and then starts accusing Leo of being the bad guy??? Wtf??? How on earth could she believe that G-Corp are the good guys when Kazuya is literally threatening to WIPE OUT countries?! And then her and Leo just as a casual banter afterward?? Maybe I just misunderstood something here? I was kinda confused why Nina just... left the story, too lol. Like did Kazuya had her on a timed contract or something? Some fans are even still debating whether certain characters died or not lol.

I had problems with DJ's depiction (even if he's usually very entertaining before the uh... Saving Jin moment). But I already wrote my issues in a separate post and it feels redundant to repeat them here lol and that other post i reblogged already mentioned other issues i had, too lol

And I know that yes, Tek's stories are usually a mess and it's best not to focus too much on a fighting game's story. But like, when you're consuming a story, it's just hard to turn off your brain and ignore the glaring issues. Whilst I still enjoyed it, there were also a lotta things that were weird.

[queenmayor23]

Grand Piano III {Dean Winchester X Male Reader}

this one's a little angsty

Moments later, Dean wakes up in his back seat. He looks out the window to see dust being kicked up by the spinning wheels and rows upon rows of corn. TJ can see the confusion on Dean's face through the rearview mirror.

TJ: Shut up. We're almost there.

TJ pulls into a gravel driveway leading to a brick shed and a matching house next to it. The corn almost acted like a magical portal to the hidden property. TJ parks and shuts down the engine. He gets out, walking to the door of the house.

TJ: Hurry up if you want me to help.

Dean gets out of the car and follows the rock walkway to the porch, where TJ holds the door for him.

TJ: All the way down and hang a right.

Dean: After getting punched in the face, I don't trust you walking behind me.

TJ: That's hilarious. Either you walk in that kitchen, or I send my dogs after you, and you'll never see John or Sammy again.

Dean took the safer route and began walking. Staring at the back of his ex-boyfriend's head was the only thing that kept TJ from killing Dean right there and giving him time to process the mixed emotions.

TJ: Sit.

Dean sits at the kitchen table while TJ digs in the freezer. He pulls out some frozen peas and an ice pack, tosses the peas on the table next to Dean, and closes the freezer. TJ fixes himself a glass of whiskey and downs it like water. It was a taste he was just getting used to, even though his trash can would say differently. He fixes another glass and a separate one for Dean, walking it over to him.

TJ: Dean...

TJ struggles to find the words he wants to say. Was it "I hate you and want you dead," or "Why come back now just to ruin the sliver of happiness I just found" or maybe "I loved you, and I thought you loved me, but I guess I loved for both of us"? But the real question looming in TJ's mind was, "Why don't you love me?". But TJ didn't get to ask any of those questions before Dean spoke up, holding the peas to his cheek.

Dean: "Spirits of Vengeance", huh?

TJ: I bought the lounge a month after the mission with you and John. I was so mad.

Dean: He's your father too.

TJ: Was he? I've been alive twenty-seven years and have seen him a grand total of five times. I was ten when he introduced me to hunting. He had me chasing demons, poltergeists, and other unnatural creatures to prove myself to him.

Dean: It was your choice to start hunting.

TJ: He made me think he would love me if I eliminated all the monsters. So after graduation, I packed up and rode around the country on a hunting tour, and my mother hated me for it. She warned me of what kind of person John was, but I had to realize that he was the real monster on my own.

Dean: Dad was a hero!

TJ: He was my hero too, but I grew up Dean.

TJ walks back to his kitchen counter, smashing the ice pack on his knuckles.

Dean: I need you to help me find him. I don't want to drag Sam back unless I have to. At least that's what Dad would've wanted. 

TJ: Did he leave any clues as to what he was hunting or where? This wouldn't be the first time John went on a bender and forgot to tell his puppy dog.

Dean: What are you talking about?

TJ: Amherst. Clifton. Laredo. Mesa. He's always missing, then a week later, after you search the continental US, he pops up and is fine.

Dean: How do you-

TJ: Sam knows how to say thank you.

Dean: Wait, Sam? Does he know?

TJ: No. All he knows is that I'm the idiot who doesn't know how to say no to his brother.

Dean sighs in a mixture of both relief and frustration.

Dean: Dad has never been gone for this long. He's in real trouble if he's not dead by now. I can't do this alone.

TJ: Yes, you can. You don't need John to limit what you can do. He's just an anchor that slowly drowns you until you feel like there's no more hope, and by then, you're dead or mentally unstable.

Dean: Yeah. Well, I don't want to do this alone.

TJ: You still haven't told me what he was hunting?

Dean: Oh, right. Let's see. Where the hell did I put that thing?

TJ reached into his back pocket and slid out the tape recorder.

TJ: Looking for this.

Dean sees the tape recorder and nods his head.

TJ: Found it when I searched your car. I listened to it, and he sounds like he could be Winchester wasted or actually in trouble.

Dean: Dad was checking out this two-lane blacktop just outside of Jericho, California. About two months ago, they found a guy's car, but he'd vanished. Completely MIA.

TJ: Kidnapping?

Dean: Yeah, well, there was another one in April, then December of '04, '03, '98, '92... ten of them over the past twenty years- All men, same five-mile stretch of road. Started happening more and more, so Dad went to go dig around. I hadn't heard from him since, which is bad enough, and then I got that voicemail a few days ago.

TJ: Wait, why weren't you with him?

Dean: I was working my own gig in New Orleans.

TJ: Aww, he let you go on a trip by yourself?

TJ mocks Dean and takes the ice pack off his fist, feeling the melted ice.

Dean: I'm twenty-six, dude. Can you stop that?

TJ: I know you're twenty-six. We're nine months apart to the day.

Dean's face scrunches up.

Dean: How did I not know that?

TJ: You never asked.

Dean has a dumbfounded look on his face.

TJ: The message had an EVP saying it "can never go home" I ran into something like that about six months ago. It came after Richie, but there wasn't a body because she was cremated for cost-saving measures. So we sent her home.

Dean: How?

TJ chuckles, looking around the room.

TJ: This house wasn't always brick, and I'm not stupid enough to build it out of straw. Jackson drove his truck right through the middle of what was a bedroom and dining room. House caved in, Richie bought Jackson a new truck, and I started laying bricks that same weekend. The baseboards, door frames, and ledges are hollowed out and filled with salt, and everything wood is primed with mountain ash.

Dean nods his head, taking in the information about the house. Then, Dean takes a breath and asks the question.

Dean: So, are you and Jackson a thing, or what's your situation?

TJ smiles, looking up.

TJ: Jackson and I are in a business relationship. He helps me out at the lounge and around here while I'm out hunting.

Dean: What does he get out of your "business relationship"?

TJ: A slightly more than minimum wage paycheck every other week and a hunting buddy.

Dean's eyes widen, and he takes the now-thawed peas from his cheek.

TJ: What? I wanted to give him more, but he wanted the money to go into the lounge. I told him I had to give him enough to get groceries, pay his bills, and get gas. He only has truck insurance because I listed his truck as a company vehicle. There was this time before when we were a thing. He proposed, and I said no. But we're still as close as we were then, just as friends.

Dean: Can I ask why you said no?

TJ: I'll give you one guess.

Dean contemplates open-mouthed. When it shuts, it shows TJ that Dean realizes the answer. 

TJ: Jack wasn't heartbroken for himself but for me. The whole town kept telling me I was insane for holding on so tight to you, but Jackson knew I needed a friend to help me, and he became that friend. He got me to stop answering your calls because he knew I would halt my world just to help. Just to hear from you when you and John get into another situation. Come on, Dean, I knew John didn't think you were calling me. You never called me by name when you called, you said my trigger word, and I turned into a mindless drone for you.

Dean: I don't have a trigger word for you. What do you mean, a trigger word?

TJ: Let's keep talking and see if it comes up. It's been almost two years since I stopped answering your calls, and now you want to check on me?

Dean: I thought what got Dad either got you too, or you took him.

TJ: So you thought I took John for what? To have tea with him, sit down and gossip about my ex-boyfriends. Oh wait, my first boyfriend didn't love me and milked me emotionally dry, then I found out he's my half-brother. After that, my second boyfriend and I broke up because I was still hooked on my first boyfriend. Yep, that casual conversation with a man I've spoken to five times in twenty-seven years.

Dean: No. I didn't mean it like that, alright. I was running out of options, and you were the first person that came to mind.

TJ: Do you hear yourself? You only think of me when you have no other choice. Is that how you truly see me? A last resort? Nobody else wanted to go on a wild goose chase with you, so you're stuck asking me for help.

Dean: Baby, I'm trying to keep you safe. To do that, I need you with me. I'll deal with Dad later, but I need you.

Chuckling came from TJ's mouth.

TJ: There it is.

Dean: What?

TJ: The word. Baby. But it's not going to work this time. Dean, you are welcome to stay for the night, but you need to leave tomorrow. I'm done.

Dean sat silently at the table, not knowing TJ's next move but also baffled at two simple words he thought he would never hear from TJ, "I'm done". TJ turned away from Dean and gathered, from his refrigerator, fresh produce and some rabbit meat to cook dinner. He cooked in silence, Dean not saying anything. TJ handed Dean a beer with his meal and filled his own glass once more. They ate in silence. After dinner, TJ washed the few dishes and escorted Dean to a guest bedroom.

TJ: Sit tight while I get you some clothes.

TJ leaves and returns with clothes and towels for Dean to shower with.

TJ: There is soap, toothbrushes and toothpaste, and hair products galore in the bathroom across the hall. Go crazy.

Dean: Thank you. And I honestly mean that.

TJ: It's just what a friend would do. If you need me, I'm upstairs, the third door on the right. And I have my own bathroom, so I'm not going to sneak up on you and stab you in the back. 

Dean chuckles. TJ goes upstairs to his room and gets ready for a shower himself.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

This is gonna be disorganized, so bear with me.

I actually thought your characters were well developed. They all had backgrounds and experiences that were aligned with their motives and mindset. As for consistency, I don’t know?? I don’t think anything the characters did were out of character for the way they were written? Did they do dumb things that not everyone would agree with? Yes, but people do dumb things you don’t want them to do all the time. I find consistency to be a confusing term bc I don’t think real people are all that consistent either. In that sometimes we act out of character depending on the circumstances. Unless a character does something they were completely opposed to (with no reason for them to have a change in their views) then I don’t know what would be termed as inconsistent.

Going off that, OC was such an unstable individual. Instability is like the exact opposite of consistency and even then she mostly held her ground on trying to be morally upright. And when characters (Taehyun) did show change it was shown to be an obvious dilemma for them.

OC was definitely weak, but she had a personality, otherwise people wouldn’t have found her so annoying. She was also stupid, yes, but she literally grew up sheltered. I think people often mistake disliking a character to mean they were written badly. But also this commenter reminds me of that era in time where we hated feminine and kind female characters bc they weren’t strong badasses. It was giving misogyny, especially towards the end of the comment with the nonsense about Jordan Peterson.

People who think women enjoy abuse are idiots and people who justifying why other think that way are also idiots. People who stay with their abusers, stay with them out of attachment, not because they enjoy getting hurt 🤨 And obviously OC did not enjoy abuse, they were love starved and Gyu provided that, otherwise they wouldn’t have gone back. It’s just such a black and white view of “oh your relationship is abusive, you should leave” Obviously if abuse was the only part of the relationship people would leave smfh

And ofc I don’t think the abuse and rape were romanticized because if it were, these two would’ve ended up together. They wouldn’t have had so many problems and OC would’ve been able to brush aside whatever had happened bc true love conquers all and that bs.

you've summarized my feelings so well.

again, i'll be the first to admit that i'm not a particularly great writer. i see my own mistakes clearly and i've talked about it a lot. i do think Kai's character switch was inconsistent because it was too abrupt and i will own up to that. had i the time and the ability to go back and change what i already published, i would've done it in a much smoother way. but other than him i don't really think my characters were inconsistent. yeah like you said they did things that are stupid or hypocritical but i tried to explain why they did that and had other characters call them out for it (like oc calling tyun out when he tried to get her back). and yeah people in real life are nothing if not inconsistent. i like to think i never made my characters do anything wildly out of character, but if someone has an example i would genuinely love to discuss it because maybe you'll point out something to me that i didn't notice.

yessss i'm so glad you mentioned that because i also got the same vibe from the comment, the "she's not a strong, independent woman? then she has no personality". i used to be like that too but now i appreciate that there are all these different types of characters out there and that being strong doesn't mean that it's a good character (there are currently a multitude of examples of that in media). OC was hated by most readers and yes she was flaky and selfish and always wanted to give up but that is still a character. i know because i channeled myself a lot in her whenever i wanted to give up because my life was shit lmao

i don't think the commenter thinks that women in abusive relationships stay because they enjoy it, i just think that they think none of them would think the way oc is. like maybe they're trapped because of kids or a financial situation rather than being manipulated by their partner. i get it. it's uncomfortable to read about a character that is in love with their abuser but that happens too.

thank you babe

[casspurrjoybell-27]

In a Heartbeat - Chapter 52 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Vince

'Tell him,' my wolf pleaded, pacing back and forth with a whine.

'Tell him it was you.'

'No,' I told him, as Simon leaned against the wall, his eyes still closed, afraid of looking at me.

Afraid of me.

'He wouldn't want it to be me.

'No,' he argued.

'Tell him it was you. Please.'

I gritted my teeth, hands balled up in fists at my side.

Of course, I had wanted to tell him the truth, to tell him that I had wanted to see what it was like, to try but he was petrified.

He wouldn't possibly understand, couldn't have wanted that from me.

It would've been better if he thought it was my wolf.

After all, Michael was right, I had trouble controlling my wolf.

I'd do things on whims because of him, got us into more trouble than I could remember.

'But not this time,' he snapped.

'That was you, all you. Tell him.'

'No. Goddess,' if only there had been a time machine.

I could've refrained from kissing him, maybe even go all the way back to the beginning again.

Redo it all until it was perfect.

"Vince?" Simon finally asked again, his eyes still shut.

"I'm sorry," I muttered finally, afraid to look at him not.

"Did... did my wolf hurt you?"

My wolf snarled at me.

'You idiot,' he said, before ignoring me altogether, then disappearing.

"No, no, he didn't," he responded with a frown.

I couldn't look him in the eyes but he pushed away from the wall before rubbing at his arm nervously.

"It's fine. Nothing happened."

He smiled softly but it was nowhere near like the one from earlier.

I wasn't even sure you could call it a smile compared to this morning.

In the softest, almost too faint to hear, he breathed...

"Of course, of course it was," he didn't have to elaborate for me to understand that I had fucked it up further.

My breath hitched, as he walked past me, our shoulders just barely grazing each other.

I wanted to stop him, reach out and pull him back.

Tell him that I had lied, yet again and that it was me.

That it had been me, not my wolf this time.

That I had wanted to know what it felt like.

That I had felt something different between us.

That I had just been scared, yet again but it was too late.

I was always too late.

********

I hadn't seen Simon after what I did yesterday.

I had stayed in the office, failing to write the letter and work on the stack of paperwork on the rogues through the night.

My mind was reeling from the memory of yesterday, so much that I probably only had maybe a couple of hours of sleep.

I don't even remember if I had eaten anything.

Surely, I must have eaten something, right?

Had I really skipped that many meals?

Maybe I should take a break... shit what time was it?

Leaving the mess of papers everywhere, I decided to look for my stash of granola bars I kept in my room.

That would hold me over I guess.

I peeked into the room, glad he hadn't been in there.

I wasn't sure what I could even say to make it less awkward between us if he had been in the room.

'Sorry, I randomly kissed you? Sorry I was a shit mate and did something so shitty?'

Knowing me, we could clear the air between us then I'd make it ten times worse the next day.

I rummaged through the bedside drawer for some food before heading to the closet to grab another blanket.

One of the maids had gone to wash the one I used last night,and I was sure that I'd spend another night or a couple in the office.

I grabbed an extra pillow too for good measure when something caught my eye.

Father's chest, I had nearly forgotten about it.

It kept most of his valuables, some clothes and his murder case.

Usually, case files were kept in the basement but we had stored it here, safer and away from others under lock and key.

I hadn't touched it since then, didn't even feel the need to, after what had happened.

I had stuffed it under the clothes, even covered it with a trash bag once because I hated the sight of it.

I wasn't sure what compelled me but I was curious.

About his case file, about the ring Michael brought up.

Had there been more to it than we originally thought?

I stuffed the rest of the granola bar down my throat before scrambling to find the key.

I checked the nightstand but I wasn't sure exactly where I put it.

I opened nearly every drawer in my room when I finally found it in the top mini drawer near the entertainment center.

Heading back to the chest, I inserted the key before pushing the lid back, an eerie screech emanating from the old hinges.

Sure enough, there were a couple of articles of clothes, some knick-knacks, family heirlooms, etc.

I moved some of it around when I found the case files in it's sealed box.

I pulled it out, setting it down in front of me.

I opened it up, looking at the report.

It was a thick stack of papers, filled with photos of the crime and his body that I didn't want to remember.

I glanced at it before putting it on the side, knowing I probably should revisit it.

Going into the chest some more, I found some family photos, one with all of us, Xavier just a baby in one of them.

Then I heard a small thud, I moved some of the stuff before I looked at the bottom of the chest to spot something shiny.

A ring.

Father's ring.

[t-lostinworlds]

okay, first off gif header?? yes?? i love the black & white isolation thingy (idk what it’s called lol) and the crumpled paper and the lil doodles love love. second off, sigh, u know what i'm putting it under the cut bc i got heated for some (countless) reasons LMAO

peter parker, you and your self-deprecating ass istg. if only he thought he was good enough he probably would've been able to ask r out first. tsk tsk tsk.

AND WOULD U LOOK AT THAT, MR. HARRY OSBORN IS A SCUMBAG. WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT. I'M SO SURPRISED. as if the like father like son hadn't been obvs.

omg...why isn't he saying anything. PARKER WHAT IS THIS. U KNEW THERE'S BEEN GIRLSSSSS, LIKE PLURAL AND?? he never said anything???

UGGGGGGGGGGGH HE FUCKING LIEEEEEEEEEEEEED FOR HIM???? BC I CANNOT SEE HOW HE'S DOING THAT FOR Y/N BC HELLO YOU'RE NOT HELPING HER? making her feel better for a moment yes BUT STILL?? WHAT DO U FUCKING MEAN HARRY'S JUST BUSY FUCK OFFFFFF. i'm sorry if this is mean but u know what parker. yeah, you really don't deserve her LAKSLAS. i just, why. who does he think he's helping here?????? i mean harry OBVIOUSLY?? you're fucking enabling the scumbag. like idk about u but i'd rather him tell me the truth rather than hear it from someone else and THEN find out that peter knew all along? whew. that's a different kind of betrayal too like—oh great. so now you're going to tell her. as if you hadn't known for a while now and could've saved her from plenty more pain if this hadn't gone on for a while jfc.

OH PISS OFF HARRY U ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK. kicking someone out bc u exposed your scumbagness??? I HOPE YOU SLIP ON THAT FUCKING ROBE AND BREAK UR FUCKING NECK. okay okay sorry, too much?? alright, okay, i'm breathing geez.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like that." | oh piss off too parker, took u long enough to say a goddamn thing my gooood. we wouldn't have this problem in the first place if you learned to SPEAK UP FIRST. SINCE THE START. A.K.A. ASKED HER OUT FIRST. LMAO.

ugggggggggh this so messy. (a very very hot mess but anyways) like i mean, i get it. reader wants to forget for a moment. and peter is such a desperately in love puppy that he can't say no. but she's vulnerable here. but also miss y/n, you're kinda using this guy who's in love with you (granted she doesn't know but still) as rebound. he's your friend. and okay she's not in the right headspace and she's sad and broken and vulnerable and i get it honestly we make bad decisions during those times. and i have some sympathy with her bc girl i feel u i see u i get it.

so i'm going to blame PETER ON THIS ONE AGAIN SLKASLKASK I KNOW THAT PUSSY GOOD BUT U CAN'T EVEN WAIT A DAY???? like he should've at least gained some self control and used a braincell for BOTH their sakes bc obvs she's not having any rn and understandably so. SO LIKE JFC PARKER HAVE ONE RATIONAL THOUGHT AND MAYBE THINK THAT THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA???? then again he hasn't had a single rational thought this whole fic so. like i see him being the "i take what i can get even if it hurts" kinda guy, you self sacrificing idiot.

gosh that post-nut clarity must've hit differently bc yeah you're homeless now LMAO. this is a mess. a huge lump a mess. but we do love human characters <3

anyways. therefore i conclude that i'm just angry at everything and everyone in this fic. (not u isa, you're lovely. i adore u) but especially BOTH MEN. PETER & HARRY. TWO FUCKING IDIOTS IN DIFFERENT FONTS. i can forgive peter with a bit of groveling tho but harry can actually choke on ice alksalsalksasa

conversation | peter parker

pairing: college!peter parker x college!female!reader

summary: peter parker is in the friendzone. and it sucks. especially when the girl he’s in love with is dating his best friend. smack dab in the middle of a bad situation peter struggles to keep his feelings at bay when the girl of his dreams comes to him for advice about her failing relationship.

warnings: i guess post!nwh, swearing, cheating, peter pining for reader, everyone being a bad guy, smut 18+ (minors dni!!!), unprotected sex, creampie

word count: 4.1k

a/n: um my first peter fic! it’s based on the song conversation by joni mitchell. listen to it, or don’t, i’m not your mother. i said i was going to stop posting writing, but i have “i must create or i’ll go crazy” disease so… (i’m still not a writer)

She comes to him for conversation, for comfort, for consultation. But Peter wished she came to him for something else.

He remembers the first time he saw you. How he’d thought his heart had stopped for a second, forgetting how to do its most basic function. How could someone look so effortlessly beautiful? How could a voice sound so sweet while asking such a mundane question?

“Is this seat taken?”.

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