#but even further i constantly see people being like 'well they were problematic but.....' and it's like okay so?

[chuplayswithfire]

Edward Teach and his relationship to violence and power and the cycle of abuse is so fascinating, because Ed grew up in a household where he was intensely, constantly vulnerable, where he and his mother were at the whim of his incredibly abusive father, and so he escapes by committing the most understandable and well justified murder in the entire show, and it traumatizes him -

Not just because it was murder

Not just because it was his dad

But because he was able to plan it out and make it happen at all. Killing his dad is this moment of terrifying strength and courage at the heart of him and it's the birthplace of the Edward that does what needs to be done to survive, no matter the emotional consequences. Ed thinks he is a bad person specifically because as a child he killed own father so he and his mother could survive, and then had to keep committing acts of violence to survive long into adulthood.

I don't think Ed worries about becoming his father. I think he sees himself as someone much worse - because he was able to kill that man, to plan out and complete his murder, even though that was his dad.

The show never once treats Ed's anger in the show as unreasonable or problematic - his flashes of temper throughout the show are always in very understandable moments and they're played for drama (french captain), furthering the romance (wanting to shoot the rich people party vs stede offering to handle it), or comedy (snake snack/punching izzy in ep 9).

Even Kraken is deliberately not particularly shown to be an expression of Ed's anger, which is hot, but that deliberate ruthless problem solving spirit that comes after the anger passes and the knowledge of exactly what to do washes over him; following his father to the dock and strangling him; skin him, and fang? use the snail fork; toe scene and sitting exactly at Izzy's bed side for it and telling him what will happen if he threatens him again. Even marooning the crew is not an act committed with anger, but a muted sorrow.

Piracy is a culture of abuse, mistrust, and backstabbery, this is established in episode one, further emphasized in episode 8 with both Spanish Jackie and Calico Jack and the tales of Hornigold, and demonstrated yet further with Captain Hands in episode 9.

Ed escaped the abuse at home, but found his place in the world in the abusive professional and interpersonal relationships of piracy, which is one reason he's so drawn to Stede - because he's doing it differently, he's trying to build a form of piracy that doesn't rely on the traditional forms of abuse that manage piracy - and because his people positive management style works, as demonstrated throughout the length of the show. Not everything Stede does works out or is ideal, but his people positive management style is.

When Stede leaves and breaks Ed's heart, and Ed starts to recover from that heartbreak only for Izzy to kick him back down with another threat to his life and for him to hear the crew calling for another song and wonder if it's mockery instead of friendship -

Yeah, Ed turns back to the familiar culture of abuse, mistrust, and backstabbery that piracy has. Shoving Lucius, the one most likely to see through him, overboard. Using Izzy's preferred language, violence, to get him to back the fuck off and fall in line. Violence against Jim and threats against violence against Frenchie, to get them to comply. Abandoning over half the crew.

Ed tried something new and at the end he feels like it fucked him over, made him weak, and vulnerable again, and he reacted exactly as his childhood self did - by creating and executing a plan to remove the threat and position himself out of harm.

That's what Ed's journey is likely to be about, in season 2, by my estimation - understanding what he actually wants in and from life, and having to recognize that he 1) deserves that life 2) can't get it by retreating of self-destruction and abuse that he's grown familiar with. Not a fear of being like his father (he's really not imo, and I could go on about how throwing a knife past your subordinate who has betrayed you and threatened to kill you is vastly different from throwing plates at your cowering wife because you're mad about dinner are not the same, but I'd hope it's unnecessary), or anger issues in general, but recognizing that his retreat from his authentic self into the mask of Blackbeard we see at the end was wrong and doomed to fail.

[lokisasylum]

Lets talk about something controversial--

Lets talk about how BALLS-DEEP taekookers have embedded themselves inside the fandom to the point of Armys DEFENDING THEM over protecting the ones constantly being the target of this disgusting breed.

We (the OG fans who were there since the beginning and noticed the moment it started) warned ya'll about this; for MONTHS, for YEARS. But ya'll didn't listen. Just let it happen.

It started with Big “OT7″ accounts ignoring the issue and deeming it “just shipping wars”, “focus on BTS only”, to the fandom collectively turning a blind eye the bigger the hate got with every little "ignore and block", every "you need to curate your TL better so you don't constantly see that--"

We warned ya'll and you called us Crazy, you called us Delusional, you called us Entitled, you called us Problematic Old Hags. And now I fear we may never get rid of taekookers AT ALL.

EXHIBIT A:

Lets start with something that happened a few days ago. It started with a TKer using a set-up account to drag The Weekend for that weirdo netflix series. Which for some reason it called the attention of Abel (the lead vocal)'s attention to the point of quoting it, which in turn gave the tweet MORE attention/views.

As soon as the tweet started getting the desired amount of clout, the TKer changed the entire layout from taekook to Jimin to make it seem like "oh, pjms again starting shit because they're bored" (when in reality Jimin stans were hyper focused on streaming & buying 'Like Crazy' since the song was about to break the record for longest days charting and also the 119 #1s on iTunes), but what everyone ignored completely was the fact that despite switching the layout the person was actively dragging & defaming Jimin on that same acc & liking tweets from Jimin antis. But NOBODY CARED ABOUT THAT, because armys only saw "a jimin stan being problematic". And it took ONE Jennie solo stan calling out armys hypocrisy for the way they've always given trashcookers a free-pass in their fandom instead of defending Jimin, when both he and Jennie get the most hate from them on all platforms.

But AGAIN, what did the fandom do? Instead of actively reporting and trying to get the TKer suspended, they switched to attacking that Jennie solo stan AND slvtshaming Jennie as well. As for the person who started the whole thing? Deactivated and is probably STILL around with a different account spreading more hate and ways to get away with it.

EXHIBIT B: The #s war from yesterday.

Again, it was a TKer who started trending those disgusting tags over a harmless joke about spotify debut numbers. The hashtags were ALL initially AGAINST JIMIN ONLY, and each one more vile than the last and the bastards even celebrated that they got them to trend so quickly and were even putting money into keeping them up longer. 

(I spent an unhealthy amount of hours out of my life yesterday reporting & blocking people from BOTH ends, but it was just neverending! And for some reason twitter wasn’t showing all of the reports I made which frustrated me even more).

But armys only cared about the issue when Jimin stans actually started fighting back, using the SAME #s against TKers. NOT BECAUSE JIMIN HAD BEEN DEHUMANIZED/DEFAMED FIRST, BUT BECAUSE NOW IT INVOLVED 2 MORE MEMBERS (otherwise they would have ignored it). So instead of helping to clear the searches and reporting EVERYONE who was using the #s, they ONLY reported/suspended Jimin stans and instead trended “BTS IS 7″ initially, while the TKer who started this whole thing is STILL around, active on another acc after deactivating.

This gave TKers the upper-hand to once again SWITCH THE SITUATION IN THEIR FAVOR, by gaslighting armys/ot7s into thinking and trending: “solosOUT” “ALL SOLOS ARE ANTIS” “WE LOVE YOU TAEKOOK” “WE LOVE YOU [X, Y, Z member]”

(I even saw BTS members who weren’t involved in the issue being included in the tags as well to divert attention further from the fact that it was taekook shippers who started this shit).

And if you had looked closely at the first tweets using these tags, you would have noticed TONS of taekookers with the cult symbol on their username at the same time putting ALL of the blame on Jimin stans and accusing armys of ONLY caring about Jimin but never defending Taekook.

Which now has officially enabled the mentality inside the fandom that calling out Taekook Shippers = shading/hating Taehyung & Jungkook as individuals.

But its OKAY to call out Jikookers/Kookminers (cause they’re now “Tae antis” by association) & anyone who defends Jimin, because its OKAY for Jimin to get hate/shade as long as Taekook are protected.  LOL what a fucking joke of a fandom (Alexa, play “Face-Off” )

EXHIBIT C:  VMinKook at SG’s concert today

The 3 maknaes were literally standing/sitting together, playing. vibing to the concert (there’s literal clips of them talking, interacting and playing with the army bombs). But what topics made noise first?

“Taekook together at the concert” “Taekook concert date” “Taekook ignored Jimin, as they should” “Jimin left first/alone in his own car because he’s bitter.”

I even saw one where tkers were UPSET because “Jimin didnt pay attention” whenever tk interacted. Like sis makeup your mind, are you happy he’s no longer interacting like before or are you desperate for his validation that will never come???

Jimin is unbothered, happy and busy and probably had some schedule to attend after the concert, but these deranged mfers will always see what they want and armys will always give them a free-pass instead of addressing the pink elephants on parade in the room.

And if this is the fandom we have to go back to when and IF BTS ever return as 7 after enlistment (given that they don’t actually disband after that not so subtle hint suga made at the end of the concert)? Then I’m about ready to drop BTS as a whole the moment Jimin goes in for his service. ‘Cause this ain’t it.

[casperrscapes]

over-analysis of ash ketchum's relationship with his companions (platonic & romantic)

Disclaimer: I will be looking at each relationship from first a platonic standpoint, and then a romantic standpoint. Some of the romantic standpoints will also have a sub-category of AroAce!Ash (I am not on the a-spectrum, so feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong). When looking at a possible romance between Ash and a male companion, I will be ignoring the actual possibility of Pokemon allowing a non-heterosexual relationship, and looking at it from an emotional standpoint rather than a logical one. I will try my best to let my past history as a SatoSere shipper, AureliaShipper, and a SatoGou Shipper not impact my views. I have not watched all of the animes, so feel free to correct me on certain parts. I will only be looking at companions from the main anime (no movies).

Brock: 

Platonic:

Ash and Brock display a close mentor-mentee relationship, with Brock as the mentor, and Ash as the mentee. (Their relationship can also be viewed as brotherly, though the mentor standpoint seems to fit better.) Brock was a very good first travelling companion choice, teaching Ash a lot of survival/technical/street-smart skills that he needed for his future adventures. Brock lent a big part in Ash’s early character development, and just generally taught Ash a lot for his first few adventures. Obviously, it was incredibly sad to see him go, but his cameos in Sun and Moon were really cool! It was great to see how Ash and Brock’s dynamic changed when Ash matured further.

Romantic:

There is no romantic attraction between Ash and Brock’s relationship. The two have a purely platonic relationship, and I can see no way for a romantic relationship to be pursued. Their age gap is also notable.

Misty:

Platonic:

Misty and Ash have what I would describe as a sibling-like relationship. Their hotheaded personalities clash, and their constant bickering is identical to how a younger and older sibling would interact with each other. Though their constant arguing can be annoying, I’d say that the annoyance we feel while watching is similar to the annoyance of a guardian looking after their children. In the end, even with the constant back and forth between the two, they still seem to enjoy each other's company, or at least tolerate it, especially with how long they travelled together. The development in the relationship shown between the two during Sun and Moon is similar to how 2 siblings would stop bickering as much in their older years. The relationship they display has matured and progressed from two hotheaded tweens (though they still do argue).

Romantic:

I can see why people would ship the two; they display a dynamic that is similar to 2 tsunderes, constantly arguing and refusing to admit that they are romantically attracted to the other. I can see a dynamic of Misty originally catching feelings for Ash, with him being the first person to display normal human decency towards her. Though, eventually, I do think that these feelings would’ve passed. The dynamic the two would display in a romantic relationship seems a bit problematic. Ash and Misty constantly argue, often resorting to light physical violence, which is in no way healthy in a romantic relationship. I don’t see the two stopping their bickering, but if they were to pursue a relationship, moving to teasing each other instead of full-on arguing would work just as well, while keeping their hotheaded dynamic. 

Tracy:

Platonic:

This is a dynamic analysis, not a character analysis, so I will pretend that Tracy is not just Brock from Dollarama(/j, Tracy isn’t that bad a character, but I am not immune to the Tracy slander). Tracy and Ash are not shown to have a very close relationship. They seem to be friends based on necessity, rather than choice. With Brock gone, Ash needed another companion, and guess what! Tracy just so happened to be free. I’d say that it’s similar to if Ash was having a gathering with his friends at a restaurant, but Brock couldn’t make it, so Ash invited Tracy instead so that they met the 3 people reservation requirement. Tracy was very forgettable, causing his and Ash’s dynamic to be similar; indistinct, uninteresting, and just overall, not very close.

Romantic:

The 2 do not display romantic attraction towards each other. Period. Their forgettable and unclose relationship causes a romance between the two to be close to impossible. Their personalities are barely fitting for a platonic relationship, which leaves them completely incompatible in a romantic one. Also, Tracy has teased Ash and Misty about them ‘liking’ each other before, showing that he has no romantic feelings for Ash or Misty. 

May:

Platonic:

The two start off with a more casual mentor and mentee relationship, with Ash this time in the position of mentor, and May in the position of the mentee. Ash, having been a newbie in the Indigo League, is now teaching May the ropes. He becomes a sort of role model for May, teaching her the basics of being a trainer. The character development shown between the two is great, Ash’s position being a natural progression in his journey, and May developing along with him. May is like the kid who lives next door to Ash. They’re good friends, slightly out of necessity, but also developing a bond over time. They’re good friends, with May casually admiring Ash throughout their friendship.

Romantic:

May and Ash being in a romantic relationship is fully plausible. There is nothing remotely wrong with it. They’d have a healthy dynamic, and would likely bounce off each other nicely. This probably would’ve been an extremely popular ship, if it weren’t for May having a much better love interest to choose from: Drew. Since Drew exists, the possibility of May and Ash having a romantic relationship is lowered. May shows several signs of liking Drew, way more than the signs she ever showed of liking Ash. Though, either way, the pairing of May and Ash has nothing remotely wrong with it; it’s just that there is a subjectively better ship. 

Max: 

Platonic: 

If May and Ash are the two friends who just so happen to be neighbours, then Max is the annoying tag-along brother that no one actually wants around. Max is constantly downgrading Ash’s ability as a trainer, and is just generally annoying and unlikeable. Though their friendship starts off bad, it does get better towards the end, with Max becoming the tag-along brother that people sort-of want around. I’m not going to dive into how Max’s character could’ve been improved, since several people have already done a great job at that. 

Romantic:

What the heck. No. Max is a tiny seven-year-old child.

That’s the end for Part 1. Feel free to give some (constructive) critism. If I seem particularly biased for certain people, please tell me, as this is technically a draft for a video I’m thinking about making. As mentioned, I haven’t watched all the animes, so if I get anything wrong, please correct me. Part 2 is coming soon! It’ll include the traveling companions from Sinnoh to Kalos, since I’ve got some long ones for those companions. 

P.S. Ignore my odd, and mainly unsuccessful attempts at comparisons/metaphors/similarities/whatever-you’d-call-them between the characters and certain media tropes.

Part 2 Part 3

[splendidissimus]

late 2000 - Too Tall

((Content warning: none))

Genre: fluff

Romance level: high

Angst level: 0/5

Draco's headspace: playful

((words: ~950))

------------------------------------

"If you could stop now, that would be ideal."

Theo blinked several times and looked down at Draco, who was looking up at his face with a haughty frown, then looked at the book open in his hands, trying to figure out what he had done. "Sure?" He flopped the book closed and set it back on the top shelf. 

"See, you've done it again." 

"You're really going to have to help me out here…"

"Be tall."

That startled out a laugh. "I should stop being tall?"

"At the least you should stop getting taller," Draco sniffed. "You've well broken six feet in the last year, and that's going to be quite problematic when I say I'm six feet tall."

Theo looked Draco up and down, appraising. "You're not, though, right?"

"Well I'm going to claim it regardless, aren't I? Then I'll have you looming over me like a great leafless tree to call me a liar."

"Sorry." Theo shrugged. "I'll stand further away so it looks like I'm smaller, if that'll help." 

"I appreciate the initiative, and that it would make you look terribly creepy. Can you imagine seeing you lurking in the background wherever I go, staring at me constantly? I'd look like I had a haunt." 

Theo laughed at the thought and went down the line of books, fingers running over the titles as he looked. "How tall do you reckon I am? I hadn't even really thought about it."

"You hadn't thought about how tall you are?" Draco pointed out sceptically. "When you used to go to my chin and now you're looking at my hair?" 

"It just happened," he said with a shrug. "I didn't really notice."

"I think you're a liar, but let's find out for you." He made a motion with his wand and conjured a measuring tape like they'd see in a robe shop. "Stand up straight."

"I am."

"You're slouching; you always slouch."

He tried to straighten up. "Better?"

"No, your posture is atrocious. Stand still." Draco pulled on his shoulder and pushed on his back to try to fix it. 

"Ack, what are you doing, I don't bend that way."

"Yes you do, this is how people are supposed to be shaped, not like a willow. Head back. Feet together."

"I feel like I'm trying to impersonate your mother…"

"Good, her posture is excellent." 

While Draco was fixing his terrible bearing, one thing became abundantly clear: when he was standing up properly, it was now Draco who didn't even reach to his nose. Theo could comfortably look down at the fringe-part on the top of his head — inasmuch as anything about standing up like he was tied to a pole was comfortable. "Hurry up before I fall over." 

Draco manoeuvred the tape measure against him with his magic and then brought it down, folded at the mark, to read his height. "Six-foot four. Honestly, who needs so many inches? That's just ostentatious."

"Huh." Theo slumped back into his comfortable slouch and tilted the tape measure in Draco's hands so he could read it too, just for confirmation. "That must make you five… what, eight?"

"Ten, thank you." He levitated the measure around to demonstrate, and he was exactly right. "Hasn't changed in years, since a certain curse stunted my growth. Lucky I was a tall teenager. I couldn't imagine being trapped at the size of you when you were sixteen." He wavered his hand around his shoulder, which was exaggerating how short he'd been. Probably. 

"Well, five-ten's perfectly respectable. It's almost as tall as your mum, isn't it?" 

He grinned at Draco's (mock?) offended glare, but unfortunately, Draco didn't rise to the bait and admit out loud that he was the same size as his mother. He Vanished the tape measure instead. "It would be perfectly respectable, without you there to undermine it."

"I'm really sorry I went and outgrew you. It was very rude of me." 

Draco lifted his wand. "I could fix that for you…"

"No!" He stepped back and pulled down a large book to hold defensively between them. "Do not transfigure me short — all right, I admit it, I know I'm tall now and I like it, I don't want to go back." 

"Come on, where's that Amortentia poisoning? If you really cared for me, you'd adjust your height to make me look better." 

"You bastard," he laughed. Draco raised his eyebrows and waggled his wand wheedlingly. "My Amortentia poisoning is actually telling me that if you were smaller it would be even easier to keep you close all the time, so how about we knock six or ten inches off you instead. You would be properly cute." 

"Yeah, we won't be doing that…" Draco drawled in his most inarguable voice. 

"All right, but I am going to keep imagining it, now that you made me think of it." Theo put his book-shield back where it came from and reached out for Draco's hand. "Here, let me see something."

"What?"

"Just let me see." Draco did let him pull him close, and he snugly wrapped his arms around him. He also found, if he stood up straight and did a little stretching, he could set his chin on top of his head. "There, that's not so bad, is it?" It was really nice, actually. Draco tucked all tight against him, with the warmth of his heated robe and the quick patter of his heart against his chest, and the perfect smell of his hair… 

"I hate you," Draco said, muffled in his chest, and looped his arms around Theo's waist with a silent squeeze. Theo laughed, kissed the side of his head, and didn't let him go.

[universal-kitty]

⭐️⭐️ for YOUR ship with Rhys 👁👁

send in a “⭐️” and I’ll use a random thing picker to choose one of my f/os, and i’ll reply to the ask with a small infodump about my ship with them!

    Well, we skipped one step...but who am I to complain? LMAO  For both this ask and the first one you sent in, you sent me F/Os I rarely get to talk about! So I count that...as an absolute win. :>

    With that said, let’s gooooo-!

    Unlikely duo in unlikely, but perhaps equally predictable...problematic situations. If you’re anywhere near Pandora, these things should’ve been expected, probably. Anyways, onward to the shipping!

    Rhys and Rena first met when the latter was on an all-nighter bender working on a project Jack had “requested” from R&D. Pure luck had allowed them to survive this long, and they weren’t gonna quit anytime soon. Rhys, honestly about to head back to his own apartment (that Hyperion provides all workers, since everyone is on-site workers), wanted to pick up some coffee from the nearest break room...

    He ended up finding them dissociating and looking exhausted... And pity kicked in. Who was this distressed scientist? Why were they so...like that? Could he do something about it? (He wanted to try.)

    So the Company Man himself eventually started making small “trips” to R&D, casing the place until he found the private lab of Dr. Marlow. (All because he didn’t want to risk asking anyone for help... Yeesh.) He was eventually able to flag her down, and starting a conversation. Which turned into more... Namely hangouts; lots of him finding time in-between work to scurry off and hang out with her a bit again. (In canon, this would also be why he bumped into Handsome Jack in the first place; him trying to run around to see Rena for whatever time he could nab.)

    It evolves further: when Rena makes it to the food court, they eat with him, and he gets to meet two of their friends. Dan (the Man), a near-constantly exhausted pilot for the high class and occasionally, for Handsome Jack himself, and Leah, historical collector...of old music. Dan’s chill as hell and rarely seen w/o a cup of coffee (in increasingly funny mugs people keep gifting him) and Leah is energy personified.

    They end up supporting his endeavors, either helping Rena cheer up, or even picking up food for Rhys ahead of time, so he can have his own meal, plus Rena’s, on delivery. (In the event she hadn’t yet shown up for lunch and they figured she was getting overworked on yet another project.)

    This continues on for a few months, before the events of BLands 2; Rena eventually requests- and gets approved- a study of Pandora, to further research on a personal project. Jack somehow agrees to the whole thing and, despite Rhys’ concerns, Rena heads out with a small team, anyways.

    ...It’s assumed for a long time that Rena died.

    During the events of Tales, however, a contact called Gremlin is established; someone’s who survived the wastes and knows them incredibly well. So when Rhys and co. go to seek this mysterious person out... It’s Rena! Dirty, with frayed hair and Pandora-fitting clothes, but... Hey, they lived, after all!!!!

    There’s a lot of catching up to do, but it’s sorta...hard to do so with Jack in his brain. Which is something he ends up admitting to, at one point; he cares a lot about Rena’s opinion of him, plus... If anyone had an idea of what to do with an AI stuck in your brain, they would, right?

    ...Unfortunately not, since Nakajama is...was a mess of a man. For now, Jack’s plan continues: get to Hyperion. Nab Vault pieces. (Ignore Jack’s needling of Rhys being “a dense motherfucker” and making lewd comments about Rena. Rhys’ limits are at wit’s end. Worse yet when their almost-first-kiss is ruined by Jack in his mind. Asshole.)

    Long story short, Rena is able to help the crew get through Hyperion smoother, but her project- the dragons- take her a fair distance away from the crew. She *barely* survives along with Dan and Leah (who had taken the former’s ship; Rena survived based off of the size and power of the dragons she was slowly raising), and- once again- is separated from everyone.

    Except this time... It’s Rhys who is the one lost.

    Rena does eventually end up finding him again, thanks to news of Atlas rising from the ashes, and needing staff. Having made many friends along their ride in Pandora, Rena and their own crew set out to make money... Only to be shocked when Rhys fuckin’ Strongfork himself is running the place.

    They reunite, Part 2, and everything gets sorted. As far as new hires go, anyways. Rena and Rhys officially have a lot to catch up on...

    It eventually culminates in Rena taking on Head of R&D in Atlas, them becoming a couple, Rhys being dad to a bunch of dragons...that are rapidly growing in size...and eventually- with the help of their hires- reclaiming the old Wildlife Exploitation Preserve. Now also owned by Rena. 

[the-bulletproof-heart]

This reblog sums up really well why I take issue with OP's sentiment.

More rules aren't going to make things better. First of all, etiquette differs greatly across different cultures. In some cultures, it is considered rude to make eye contact, but in others, it is considered respectful. In some places, it is considered polite and friendly to smile at strangers, but in other places, this is considered creepy.

Sure, hypothetically we could say that young people in every culture should be taught their own culture's etiquette, but even within the same country, etiquette differs based on which part of the country you are in and each individual's social and cultural background. Many countries, especially America, have large populations of immigrants from around the world.

To insist that there should be a uniform set of "rules" about social interaction is not only morally absurd, it is impossible on a practical level.

I'm going to give OP the benefit of the doubt and assume that their sentiment was not written out of malice towards any one group, but this is the problem with insisting that everyone in society obey the same set of rules. Not everyone views the world in the same way, nor should they. What is polite to some people is going to be considered rude to others. Heck, I remember being raised to call adults "sir" and "ma'am", but some adults in my life took offense to this because it made them feel old.

I also think it is extremely problematic to blame mental health issues such as social anxiety purely on social factors. I'm sure some people with anxiety would benefit from a change in social conditions, but at the end of the day, many people with mental illness and neurodivergence are born that way.

I have suffered from OCD for most of my life. I first started having intrusive thoughts when I was 6 or 7 years old. Because I had no context or understanding of why my brain was acting the way it was, I developed severe anxiety. I was raised in a religious household and many of my intrusive thoughts were sacrilegious in nature. I would spend hours praying and begging God to fix me. I developed extreme anxiety because I became convinced that everyone around me could secretly read my mind and see all of the horrible thoughts I was plagued with. Learning etiquette rules would not have helped me at all in this situation. In fact, it would likely have made my anxiety worse, because I would have constantly feared deviating from the "rules" and further ostracizing myself.

As I got older, I did end up getting help for my anxiety. You know what helped me the most? Being diagnosed and receiving proper medication! I still suffer from intrusive thoughts, but they aren't nearly as prominent and do not cause me anxiety like they used to.

If there is one thing I hope potential readers take away from this reblog, it is that social factors are not solely responsible for mental illness. Can they contribute? Sure. But mental illness should be treated like a health issue just as any other physical ailment.

social anxiety could easily be attributed to the breakdown of the social fabric. there's no code of etiquette anymore. multiple generations were never taught how to introduce themselves or cultivate manners and traditions that hinge on a social life, everyone's awkwardly stumbling around hoping they'll be met with someone more courageous and eloquent than themselves to start a conversation and burst their lonely timid bubble.

[theghostofashton]

.

[thebrokengate]

Ok. I know we are afraid of queerbaiting regarding Byler but I really do not think it is queerbait, it's not like Destiel, Supercorp, Klance, Sterek etc. There's whole discourse and there's tons of stuff to consider. Aside from Castiel, none of the characters involving those ships were confirmed to be queer. And even Castiel's sexuality was confirmed at the last second when he literally dies right after confessing his love. And that's... it. It's malicious, and it's queerbaiting. What about the other ones? They are also queerbaiting, but the difference is that none of the characters were explicitly confirmed to be in love with one another (be it one sided or not) or were confirmed to be queer. Kara and Lena were never confirmed to be queer on the show. The show was just maliciously queerbaiting fans through implications but it never went far beyond that. With Sterek and Klance it's the same.

Byler isn't like that. We literally have a canon confirmation on the show that Will is gay and in love with Mike. And it's not Destiel style where Will's sexuality is confirmed on screen right before his death or something. The approach is clearly different here. Whereas I think that using Will's feelings to further Melvin was shit, at least they'll have to follow up and fix this mess in S5. Then we can talk about it. Aside from that, Byler isn't exactly a traditional queerbait.

Another thing is that ships like Destiel, Sterek and Supercorp were always mocked by the writers and showrunners themselves... literally. Not joking. The writers and showrunners of those shows made comments about the ships which were really problematic. They acted like fans were delusional for thinking about the possibility of those ships becoming canon. Supercorp was literally mocked by the entire cast of Supergirl. Destiel fans were treated like crazy by the writers, constantly denying the possibility of Castiel or Dean being queer. Sterek was the same as well.

Have we ever seen this sort of treatment of Byler from the writers or the cast of the show (aside from... idk, Millie's rather hilarious comments)?

I'm not saying we should trust the Duffers 100% but I also believe there is a difference between Byler and other queerbaited ships on other shows.

Yeah, I tend to agree with you. We can't necessarily claim queerbait until season 5 if the Duffers don't follow through. I've only been through a couple of queerbaits myself - J*hnlock (BBC Sherlock) and Nygm*bblepot (Gotham), namely - so this was an interesting read having not known what happened with those other ships. Stranger Things has treated Byler with a lot more care than most other shows I've seen, and I do have to commend them for that. The only real concerns I have are the Duffers backing out at the last second out of fear (which would be dumb now that they're getting more general audience rooting for Will's happiness), and Netflix turning Byler down like FOX did with Nygm*bblepot, but considering this is the last season and Netflix also has queer movies and shows, I don't really see them doing that either. Thank you for explaining to me the other queerbait ships that I've seen people mention a lot in this fandom that I knew nothing about, and comparing them to Byler, this is definitely a confidence booster. So.. this, for anyone doubting today. <3

[appleflavoredkitkats]

as much as i extremely enjoyed sad-ist’s video, i do want to shed light on a certain creature who has some problematic origins

above, you see the gigantic creature that was hanging about the balete tree. sad-ist’s concept art refers to it as “kapre”. kapres are described as tall, dark-skinned creatures who live on the trees. they tend to smoke cigars and would constantly prank other people. some cultures portray him as a harmless filipino bigfoot, some more malicious.

the myth of the kapre, as much as it sounds alright, originates from racist origins. “cafre” or “kaffir” is a term used by spaniards to denote dark-skinned people, usually referring to africans. at the same time, it refers to people they deem as “non-believers” of christian faith. when the spaniards colonized the philippines, they began using the term to refer to dark-skinned filipino tribes and those who resisted against spain’s christian agenda. while christianity is widespread within modern-day philippines, spaniards used it as a tool to be able to manipulate filipinos well, using christianity as a guise of friendliness and innocence.

in that way, they were able to assert many prejudicial beliefs, especially in terms of colorism, misogyny, islamophobia, homophobia and - honestly everything gurl. the myth of the kapre sort of embodies how they viewed dark-skinned filipinos, and dark-skinned people in general. it was done as a way to spread prejudice and make others sort of fear these “monsters”. google “kapre” and some images that pop out are similar to racist caricatures of poc.

SOOOO where does this lead us? well, the thing is, information like this is not widespread, even among filipinos. i only discovered this by my brain being distracted while researching on the velarde-murillo map. so firstly, do not shame sad-ist for this, or any filipino who didn’t know - our education system sucks, especially when it comes to recognizing filipino history. more than anything, it’s our colonizers fault for making these ideas ingrained in our heads in the first place. though, it is important to inform others of this, especially with how widespread racist portrayals of the kapre exist in filipino media.

secondly, i don’t think the myth of the kapre is inherently 100% evil, especially when there are more variations of it from different tribes that aren’t racist caricatures and that don’t possess the same name. sad-ist’s interpretation of a kapre is free of those stereotypes. though, if one wants to really get into different filipino mythos, you just need to be careful with all the resources you find. when you make your interpretations of the kapre, try your best to visualize it differently, just like how sad-ist did, and avoid media that try to represent kapres with blackface, exaggerated facial features, completely dark skin, etc.

if i said anything wrong, feel free to correct me! information like this is extremely limited, and it’s 5am lol

resources for further reading:

https://exemplore.com/legends/The-Racism-in-the-Philippine-Kapre-Myth (very informative and thorough in terms of kapre’s history! this honestly encompasses mostly everything so go read this)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kapre

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cafres

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaffir_(racial_term)

https://twitter.com/jubi_lance/status/1303919678625140736?lang=en

https://www.philippine-tales.com/creatures/kapre#gsc.tab=0

https://ginoong-history.fandom.com/wiki/Kapre

https://mythus.fandom.com/wiki/Kapre

[prapaiwife]

The way the show couldn't really have this authenticity be 100%. Because of the fact that there are people who like to ruin the show for others. It's one thing to not like a show and just be like it's not for me and just you know go on about your day. And it's another thing to constantly go online and spew out Hate to this actor in this actor to the writer to the director and such a disrespectful and just entitled way of being like well this isn't how I want it and this is how I think it should be. Because your opinion doesn't speak for everyone else who can actually enjoy the show for what is actually trying to do and the risk that the show is taking. Having some scenes that they wanted to include but after seeing the Outburst of people hating on for example top they decided to cut certain scenes off because it didn't make it seem more problematic. Like jojo said they have done so many more scenes in the show that they didn't put in because they were worried about the fans and their reactions to it. The whole purpose of these shows is for us to enjoy them for us to make theories for us to have these conversations and obviously the most important thing is being respectful to each other about it and hearing each other's opinions. But if we can't even do that and can't take a show for what it is then I don't know how we can move on any further with any show that wants to try to step out of this norm and do something different.

GMMTV should release a directors cut version of Only Friends for those of us that want to see the story play out entirely without the interference of fan influence. Some scenes and motivations may make more sense. Plus it takes a little bit of the fun out of it knowing some scenes had to be cut due to fan reactions of certain characters, and not time constraints.

[oh-my-moomin]

NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it. 

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him. 

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents. 

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection. 

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels. 

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman. 

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection. 

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real. 

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means. 

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful. 

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels. 

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn. 

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems. 

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture” 

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji. 

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji  was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series. 

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can  also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji. 

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important. 

I want to talk to you, to know you. 

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected. 

You are worthy of my affection. 

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you. 

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live. 

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future. 

I am glad I could meet you, thank you. 

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

[bookofmirth]

The english side of me REALLY jumped out with this one lol

Possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness are staples of the romance genre, especially when it comes to paranormal romances, so much so that it’s expected for people to overlook the problematic aspects of possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness because these concepts in the romance genre are meant to be viewed not only as hot and sexy, but indicators of love and showing that the person cares. Despite their tendency to fall in the yellow flag zone, these concepts are meant to further the romance itself. And when you begin to question these concepts as they appear in different romances, there’s almost always pushback with people saying the books are “just fiction”. But what happens when there’s evidence that shows why these three concepts aren’t always healthy or hot/sexy in a romantic pairing? What happens when the narrative is using these concepts to show how they can be detrimental to a character and those romantically associated with that character?

Possessiveness/Overprotectiveness

In romances, it’s always in the man’s nature to be possessive and overprotective. These two concepts are usually used to show that a character is protective of their partner and we see that happen with almost all of SJM’s endgame ships, but they’re almost always portrayed as good/healthy because of the equal partnership that is present in those relationships. Thinking about acotar, a relationship where possessiveness and overprotectiveness were depicted in a negative light was between Feyre and Tamlin. Their relationship was imbalance and Tamlin’s possessiveness/overprotectiveness of Feyre stood out in the barriers he placed on Feyre when they were together: not letting her leave the house/keeping her in the house; saying everything is for her “protection”; only letting her talk to Alis and Lucien/limiting her interactions with others; telling Lucien to back off from Feyre because Tamlin saw him as a threat and that she could fall for him instead; having Feyre be dependent on him by not teaching her how to fight/learn how to use her powers; controlling every aspect of Feyre’s life at the beginning of acomaf; among other things.

Males in acotar feel an intrinsic sense of entitlement to their mate and are described as being protective and possessive over their mates. When people say that A is exhibiting “mate behavior” towards E, obviously there is a positive connotation associated with that phrase because of how the males act around their mate. But the thing is A isn’t E’s mate. A’s possessiveness of E is treading on the waters of Tamlin-ville because: A speaks for E, which is oddly similar to what some of E’s stans do in fandom discussions (as if E herself reached out of the book to personally tell them things that no one else knows); he makes it known that E shouldn’t help with the Dread Trove, which is an example of A attempting to limit what E does; and he subtly expresses a sense of entitlement over E in the bonus chapter during his conversation with Rhys when he questions if the Cauldron was wrong in pairing E with Lucien. A’s “mate behavior” is completely different from Rhys and Cassian because Rhys and Cassian are canonically mated to Feyre and Nesta, which plays a role in how they act towards them. Also, neither of them attempt to limit what Feyre and Nesta do even if they worry about their safety. To say that A is exhibiting “mate behavior” towards E would have the same effect as saying Tamlin was exhibiting “mate behavior” towards Feyre. I think that the reason A’s actions towards E are described as mate-like is because thinking otherwise calls his actions into question. I assume some people aren’t ready for that conversation because he’s been portrayed as the sad bat boy in the fandom for so long that it’s probably hard for people to come to terms with this not being the case.

When people say A being overprotective of E is similar to Rhys and Cassian being overprotective of Feyre and Nesta, the comparison becomes incomparable because A is overprotective of E to the point where he goes against what E wants to do (E stating she wanted to help find the dread trove, a scene in which A was present and later A said E shouldn’t be exposed to its innate darkness), while Rhys and Cassian know Feyre and Nesta are capable of fending for themselves in dangerous situations. It’s just ironic that A’s overprotectiveness in this moment contradicts E’s “choice” of wanting to help, yet I don’t see that being mentioned in those “choice” arguments.

Jealousy

Jealousy in the romance genre is always meant to further the romance between the love interests and we see that happen with rowaelin and chaorene (and probably other SJM ships too). But when the jealousy and the romance are disconnected from each other, that’s meant to show something about the character who is jealous and what they’re jealous of. On the second page of the bonus chapter, it’s established that A is envious of Cassian and Rhys and that the reason he remained downstairs by the fire was so that he didn’t get swallowed up by his jealousy in his room. Then on the third page, it’s revealed that the reason he stayed by the door at Solstice was because “he couldn’t stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much”. There is a blatant reimagining happening with A’s bonus chapter to make it seem as though his jealousy is romantically coded when the jealousy has nothing to do with his relationship with E and more to do with him. This reimagining has to be a case of people seeing what they want to see because I highly doubt people are out here failing literature class.

The Romance Genre & SJM

A and E’s interaction in the bonus chapter is frequently compared to Wings and Embers. The only similarity between these two chapters is the sexual undertones, which is part of the reason why I think people compare them in the first place because everything else (the structure of the chapters, their contents, and the amount of characters involved in them) is different. I think people are hiding behind the sexual undertones of the bonus chapter in hopes that it somehow overshadows not only the oddness of A’s interaction with E, but the ending of the bonus chapter as well. And even more than that, A giving away the necklace is compared to Cassian tossing Nesta’s present in the Sidra. Since A is able to give the necklace away that should tell you about the significance of the necklace’s connection to E herself (if A can easily give it away to the next person on the street) whereas Cassian regifting Nesta’s present would probably be meaningless to someone else because it was Nesta specific.

We know that acotar is more romance heavy compared to tog and cc so I can see why people lean more on the conventions of the romance genre as a basis for their arguments. And this is fueled by SJM saying this new trilogy will have one couple per book. However, the downfall of these arguments is that oftentimes the plot, narrative structure of this new trilogy in particular, and individual character progressions are secondary or afterthoughts to the romance they support. These arguments lack any real substance because acotar has proved time and time again that both the romance AND the plot work in tandem, going against the broad strokes of the romance genre formula where the romance is primarily in the spotlight.

Basically, why do you think A’s possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness of E is romanticized? Why do you think A and E’s dynamic is constantly compared to feysand and nessian? And why do you think people take issue with A being compared to Tamlin?

I think that the reason A’s actions towards E are described as mate-like is because thinking otherwise calls his actions into question.

THIS

I hate the whole discussion of "mate behavior" because the series doesn't even explain that very well. Rhys can't explain why people are mated, if it's for reproduction or being "equals" (in what sense, who knows), the courts all handle acceptance/rejection differently, the consequences of rejection are unclear and make it seem like the woman is beholden to accept on pain of... causing someone else pain.

I agree 100% that people (maybe unconsciously) try to ascribe "mate behavior" to Azriel in order to excuse what would ordinarily be inexcusable. He doesn't have some magical thing making him act this way. Neither did Tamlin, and we know how people view his behavior. And that's another thing with "mate behavior" and the bond. Why would Tamlin and Feyre not be mates, if all it took were these extreme possessive and protective behaviors? Why aren't Az and Mor mates?

And it's not even about Elain! Az acts like this with Mor, and we know there isn't a mating bond there. Azriel has zero reason to behave the way that he does, not in the same way that the mating bond gives Rhys and Cassian an "excuse", flimsy as it is, for the way that they act around Nesta and Feyre. Even that excuse is crap, because we have Rhys out here leaving Feyre's abusive ex alone, and then we have Lucien doing the same with Graysen. The definition of "mate behavior" that some of the fandom is working with... is sus.

The fact is that no matter how "overprotective" and possessive Rhys and Cassian were, they never prevented Nesta or Feyre from doing what they wanted. They might have gotten their hackles up, but then they backed off. Rhys sent Feyre into the Weaver's cottage. Nesta went to war. There is a balance between caring deeply and passionately for these women, and recognizing them as individuals whose autonomy should be respected.

The jealousy is 100% not about Elain. It's not about Elain being with Lucien. It's not about Mor, because we know that it's not really about Mor sleeping with Helion. Azriel has 99 problems, and 98.5 of them are about his childhood and his loneliness. The other 0.5 problem comes in the shape of a snowball.

The only similarity between these two chapters is the sexual undertones

You know I haven't done a full blown comparison between these chapters, but I'd agree. The entire Wings and Embers short was about Nesta and Cassian. There were no other characters and they learned a great deal about one another. What did Elain and Az learn about one another as people in the first third of his POV? Nothing. There was no tension between them other than sexual. Cassian thought Nesta's name over and over, thought about her as a person and her personality and how she made him feel. Azriel literally only thinks about fucking Elain. There is nothing wrong with fucking, obviously, but that's not love. (Maybe I should fully compare them idk.)

It's when we look at everything he doesn't say in conjunction with how he treats Elain and Mor in other scenarios... that's troubling. People can misread our 😬 at his behavior all they want, but the fact is that Az didn't have a single kind, original thought about who Elain is. His POV gave us zero extra insight into who Elain is as a person, which is... startling, if we are supposed to think that they know one another so incredibly well and have such intense feelings for each other. Why would we not get additional insight into her character? We get a lot of insight into Az's character for sure. But following his POV, if he loves and knows this woman so well, we should feel that. We should know why he loves her, what he knows about her, we should... just get some more damn insight into her character, if we are in the POV of someone who supposedly knows her so well!!!!

You know it's funny though, because the Az and Elain interaction in his POV mirrors when Nesta imagined a threesome with Az and Cassian. Close, and potentially pretty hot, but it never really happened because then it would mess up sjm's plans for the future.

Okay now to your ACTUAL questions haha and not just my reactions to what you said.

I agree that romanticizing Azriel's behaviors is the better option for people who ship it because otherwise the alternative is to accept them for what they are, which is not about Elain at all. Az has an even longer history of being all "mate behavior" on Mor, but no one thinks that's odd? I think that some people pick and choose their evidence, which is a big reason why I keep shoving Mor into these conversations. If the "mate behavior" argument was genuine and had a solid foundation, then the people making these claims would still ship moriel.

The whole thing with Az and Tamlin comparisons.... oh boy. I think there is a lot there.

I think that people don't want to see Az as anything less than perfect sad boi that Elain can fix with her love.

I think that people have a difficult time seeing emotional abuse IRL, to the point where even people who experience it directly struggle to come to terms with it, so why would we willingly embrace its presence in fiction? It also flirts with a lot of the ideas you mentioned being present in a lot of romance, though I'd argue a lot of those elements are becoming passé.

I think that Tamlin is Fandom Enemy Number One while Azriel is Self-insert Book Boyfriend Number One, and maybe people don't know how to reconcile those things. (This is quite literally true, I checked AO3 for reader fanfics and compared numbers between the bat boys, Az/reader fics win by a landslide.)

There also seems to be a refusal to see or accept nuance. I'm not even talking about moral complexity because I don't think that either Tamlin or Az intend to behave the way they do. They aren't villains. It just reminds me of people who somehow don't think Nesta was absolutely horrible through much of the series, even though a huge focus of her arc in acosf was coming to terms with how she had treated people. Anyway...

People see "gwynriel shipper" or "elucien 💕" in a bio and just dismiss arguments before trying to understand them

People try to justify their actions of their faves, which I understand!

People don't understand how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how there doesn't have to be clear intention.

I still plan on pulling out evidence from the book about times when their behaviors mirror one another. But it's like I've said for months - Tamlin is a cautionary tale. I don't think Azriel will go that far, but the foundation is there. The fact that acotar/acomaf was so, so explicit about how Tamlin's behavior was not okay, and yet people can see that same behavior in another character one book later and want to try to excuse it... sigh. Way to miss the point, fandom.

[starwarsaddiction]

I totally would avoid Anakin in real life myself. I’d like to say I would punch him but I’m very non-confrontational over all… due to my mom.

But that’s the problem with Anakin for me. All I see all the time is my mom. She’s an unreliable narrator, the world is out to get her, and she deserves better. She likes to think she’s a good person and a good parent, but the way she handles my kids and talks about how she handles other kids… no. She never was good. Should never have been a parent.

And worst of all… I think if my mom was in Anakin’s position… She would have done the same things. She’s not evil or anything. But she’s emotional and lashes out at the slightest hint of hurt. (Trying to lay down boundaries about her smoking triggers all the insecurities in her) She’s just like Anakin.

So, no, I don’t like canon Anakin all that much. Too like my mom.

And Kenobi showed his need for validation. Which. Relatable. Mom and I are ultimately two sides of the same coin- ADHD causing emotional difficulties- but she has no self awareness while im over here like… I don’t want to be like her. I don’t want to be like Anakin.

And I think that’s what bothers me most about people’s defense of Anakin. Fine they can love him all they want but when they defend him? When they act like everything is everyone else’s fault?

No. Anakin made his choice. He didn’t want to heal emotionally, he didn’t want to be a better person. He wanted to be the BEST, he wanted to selfishly hold onto all those he loved. He made all the choices that I abhor and became what I refuse to become.

I'm so sorry you had to endure such a relationship with your mother, Anon... I can't imagine how hard it is. The thing with Anakin is that he refuses to self-reflect and be aware of his emotions and the consequences of his actions, and it drives him to selfishness and to his fall ultimately. If you're aware, as you clearly say, of this kind of behaviour, there is no way you risk turning like Anakin in any way.

That's why his story is compelling, it's sound advice against his problematic behaviours. Becoming like Vader is a choice, it's not something that happens. Reva is a clear example of this, like Obi-Wan himself. He lost his lover, and his family, he saw the worst a man can see, and it just made him kinder. So being able to recognize and work on yourself it's a step further from Anakin and from your mother's worst behaviour, Anon... be assured.

I also knew someone like Anakin, and even if that person was well-intentioned, it was always someone else's fault if things didn't go the way they intended. And it's exhausting. The only good thing with people like Anakin don't have a Palpatine suggesting them to kill an entire Temple of people, but they can inflict suffering in other ways.

What I don't get in people defending him is saying that he's right, that he did nothing wrong before turning to Vader, when it's so clear that he had personal traits that were there to explain how and why he was going to turn to evil. The story goes backwards, we know he was going to be a villain, and so, in a way, he was designed to turn to evil, not because he was a bad guy at his core but because his needs and personal flaws made him vulnerable to the baits that Palpatine was throwing at him all the time. Not everyone in that position would have done what he did, because other people, not better but differently suited, would have called Palpatine's bullshit. Palpatine saw his need to be constantly reassured and complimented, and he used it against Anakin himself, and he was blinded by this. He couldn't see what was happening, because he just wanted soothing and confirmation, while Obi-Wan and the rest of the Jedi were trying to help him understand his flaws and make him a better man, all the while complimenting him and approving and trusting him, btw. That's the sad irony of Anakin's life, they were more than accepting and trusting and loving towards him, but he didn't see that because he just wanted unadulterated praise, complete acceptance, and no criticism in any way. And I've seen my part of people like that and they can be terribly difficult to be around.

[jungblue]

aphrodite in war | 01

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: comedy, fluff, angst, eventual smut / greek life, fake dating, roommates, lovers to enemies and back to lovers au

word count: 11,022

description: Everyone knew about the war that had been brewing on the edge of campus for the past two years. Sorority versus Fraternity; a showdown for the ages. However, when the escalating antics between them yields the consequence of possible suspensions for both chapters, the presidents of each house must come together to try and figure out how to end this battle... Which is kind of hard, considering they were the ones responsible for it in the first place.

note: here is an audio post of a beautiful song with lyrics inspired by AiW, which was written by one of my lovely readers!

→ part 02

Hostility bleeds deep. The rivers of resentment collide violently as they carve a divide so saturated in disdain between the parties involved that you don’t even need to be told that there is something more to the story. It doesn’t need to be said out loud, but is just instinctively felt.

You didn’t need to be told that the ominous house at the end of street was sketchy and should be avoided at all cost; you just knew it. You didn’t need to be told that there was bad blood between the guy and girl whose jaws suddenly stiffened as their lips transformed into a firm, straight line when they caught sight of each other at a party; you just knew it — And you most certainly didn’t need to be told that there was an absolute war brewing at the end of Greek Drive between the Tri Delts and Lambdas; you just fucking knew it.

In the beginning, their rivalry was small. It was simple antics such as egging each other’s houses or fucking around with the letters that they so proudly displayed on their lawns. But then it turned a bit more intense. Egging the houses turned into spray-painting them and fucking with the letters on their lawns turned into completely trashing each other’s lawns. It was because of this that the once harmless pranks turned infamous. Everything that happened between their houses had constantly been circulated around campus for the past two years, or at the very least among their Greek counterparts… Which was probably how the two newly inducted presidents of Delta Delta Delta and Lambda Phi Epsilon, on the very first week of their final year in college, found themselves sitting in the office of a much higher power than their own titles — The president of their university; a single word spilling past his lips that had their stomachs twisting.

“Suspension!?” They both yelled in disbelief.

It was a word no organization wanted to hear. It branded your chapters with a shame that would be painted across the local news stations and even across the country. The lines would blur, only to lump them in with those terrible hazing stories that constantly flooded the media.

“P-president Kwon,” Jungkook finally stuttered out after a moment of coming to terms with the seriousness of the situation they were being faced with. “I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I promise the very... minor pranks that go on between our houses are probably much less problematic than what you’re thinking.”

“Mr. Jeon, do you think that we would threaten something of such dramatic action without several instances of confirmed proof?” President Kwon asked in a clipped tone as he leaned forward in his chair.

You could see the way that Jungkook blanched next to you, clearly not expecting this harsh treatment from President Kwon. Lambda Phi Epsilon happened to be President Kwon’s former fraternity, so it was well known that there was a good relationship there. However, in this moment you could make out nothing except for a glaring, red warning shining off the president’s ice-cold eyes.  

“I — no, sir,” Jungkook whispered, dropping his head slightly to hide the sudden flush of red that was rushing to his face.

“It is more embarrassing than I can possibly describe to the two of you, receiving dozens upon dozens of phone calls and emails over the incidents involving your organizations. Garbage littering every inch of your front yards, obscene images drawn onto your houses, several instances of animal control having to be called due to rodents being set free in the house as a… as a prank? All of this is happening while visits from prospective students and their parents are being conducted. Donors who help this school are wandering the campus and seeing it. Tell me, did the incidents I just mentioned not actually transpire, Mr. Jeon? Ms. Y/L/N?”

The air was so stiff that you barely managed a shaky inhale in order to respond to the juvenile antics being laid out before you. “No, th-they did transpire, sir. And I don’t know what to say besides that I’m so, so sorry that we’ve embarrassed the university this way.” You bit at the inside of your cheek, President Kwon’s relentless glare of disappointment cutting you through and through.

“Yes, so completely sorry,” Jungkook added.

Nothing was said for a few moments after that. It seemed President Kwon wanted to make the two of you squirm for everything that you had done, and it was definitely working. Every movement made you feel self-conscious, the judgement permeating the office air felt as if it were sticking to your skin.

“I know that what we’ve done is completely unacceptable, President Kwon,” You began, not being able to take the silence anymore. “But I promise if you give us just one more chance, we’ll clean up our acts. No more pranks, just cordial neighbors. As the new presidents of our chapters this year, we’ll make sure the members understand that this behavior isn’t something that will be tolerated anymore.”

Jungkook was nodding his head next to you in agreeance. But once again the room was plunged into silence. It was honestly torture, sitting there under such scrutiny as someone held something so dear to you in the palm of their hand. It would break your heart if the suspension actually went through… Considering it was yours and Jungkook’s fault that tensions had gotten to where they were in the first place. The bad blood between the two of you had seeped into the minds of your members as well, which was ultimately how it got so ugly. But it had gotten especially bad this year now that you were the respective presidents of each of your houses and had allowed things to escalate further. Harsh feelings between two people couldn’t do much damage, but when it was dozens versus dozens, well that was when things got messy.

Eventually though you found yourself being pulled back to reality. President Kwon cleared his throat, the sound making your heart stutter in your chest as you prepared yourself for the worst.

“You’re exactly right. It won’t be tolerated any longer.” He paused for a moment, probably for the added effect of letting anxiety seize its way around your lungs. “Probation for the next three months. One more incident and it’s over. Do you understand?”

At that there was a simultaneous sigh of relief from you and Jungkook as the looming consequence faded… At least for now.

“Thank you so much, President Kwon.” Jungkook stood from his chair, reaching across the table to shake his hand. “I promise we won’t mess this up.”

You lifted yourself up from your chair as well, following his lead. “Yes, we promise.”

“I hope that’s true,” Is all President Kwon responded with as he led the two of you towards the door of his office. “Take care.”

With rather mumbled and rushed goodbyes you exited his office, the two of you shuffling quickly down the hallway until you were sure you were out of earshot. Both of you stopped as you turned the corner, insults already resting on the tips of your tongues.

“This is all your fucking fault!” You yelled in a hushed whisper.

“My fault!?” He whispered back, equally as intense. “You’re the one who started this shit, Y/N. No one would even be fighting if you hadn’t opened your mouth to your friends.”

“I was just venting to them! I had no idea that they would go and actually do something about it. And it was a harmless prank. They planted fucking flowers in front of your house for god’s sake, and your loser friends retaliated by digging holes in our yard. You guys are the ones who escalated it, and now it’s this out of control thing that’s going to get our chapters suspended!” Your chest was rising and falling, anger boiling inside of your blood. You had never even partaken in any of the antics that had gone on between the two houses nor had you baited any of your members into participating.

Jungkook rolled his eyes, tongue pressing at the inside of his cheek. “You know what? It’s whatever. We’ve been arguing about this for two years now, so I’m not expecting you to be reasonable any time soon.”

Your fists clenched at your sides, the painful reminder of how long this had been going on searing a deep cut across your chest. But it was like Jungkook had said, this had been going on for a long time and there was no point in arguing about who was right, because it wasn’t as if it actually mattered. So instead, you just didn’t respond. You stared at him for a moment, sneer fading into this sad downward turn of your lips. And surprisingly you watched the way his expression softened as well. His brows were furrowing a little less, his jaw not as hard and brooding.

You gave him a tiny nod before you turned away and headed towards the exit. It was a few seconds before you heard his footsteps start to follow you. Every time his sneakers would squeak against the linoleum floor behind you, it felt like this tiny pressure was beginning to build at the base of your throat. You weren’t sure why you still got these feelings of… longing, even after all of this passed time. It was pathetic. Jungkook apparently didn’t long for anything from back then, so why did you?

Eventually you were able to breathe a little clearer once you pushed your way through the exit and away from the tight and tense space of faculty meetings and suspension threats. The fresh air filled your rattled lungs — too bad it was murky and humid beneath the gray storm clouds that were currently drowning the campus in a depressing drizzle.

“Goddammit,” You muttered beneath your breath.

You didn’t drive here since this building had been so close to your last class of the day. The Tri Delt house was about a ten minute walk from here, so it looked like you needed to get going before the light sprinkle of rain turned into a thunderstorm. You were about to step out from underneath the overhead of the roof and down the steps when you felt a light tug of someone pulling at the back of the belt loop on your jeans. 

“Do you need a ride?” Jungkook asked before you had even turned around to fully face him. His expression was neutral. It didn’t seem annoyed or concerned, but he had always been good at hiding his emotions like that.  

Of course you didn’t want to walk home in the rain, but sitting in a confined space with Jungkook after you’d both just gotten done yelling at one another didn’t seem like the greatest time either. But in the end, you decided that a few minutes wouldn’t kill you. “Yeah, I guess,” You whispered, motioning for him to go ahead so you could follow. His car was parked in one of the first spots at the bottom of the steps. You were both silent as you opened the doors and climbed inside.

It was weird. You hadn’t been in Jungkook’s car in years. You watched him pull out of the parking space, one hand on the wheel, the other leaning against the center console. It felt all too familiar. You blew a heady sigh past your lips, hands wringing in your lap. It didn’t seem to matter how much time passed, the tension between you and him never seemed to lessen. It was a constant, palpable stiffness in the air.

“Do you think we’ll be able to get them to stop fighting?” Jungkook finally asked once they turned onto Greek Drive, giving some mild relief to the strain that the two of you were so highly aware of.

“If suspension doesn’t do it, then I honestly don’t know what would.”

He nodded, seeming to agree. “Yeah, I’m sure they’ll cut it out.”

“Yeah, they can’t be that dumb—” However, your words seemed to disintegrate along your tongue as the car approached the Lambda and Tri Delt houses that stood side by side.

“Jesus Christ,” Jungkook muttered, pulling into the driveway which currently had a Lambda named Jimin running down it towards his truck that was completely covered in saran-wrap and a laughing Tri Delt named Joy who was holding said saran-wrap.

“Get back here and take this shit off my truck right now!” You heard Jimin yell.

“Nope, I’m good.” She smiled, shrugging and taunting him as she jogged away.

“This… This might be harder than we thought,” You said.

Jungkook rested his head against the steering wheel, eyes closed. “Yeah, way fucking harder.”

---------

It was several mass group texts later, demanding that every Lambda and Tri Delt come to their houses immediately, that all forty-two members of the combined organizations who actually lived in-house finally arrived… Yeah, there was no way that this could go terribly wrong or anything… Right?

You and Jungkook stood in front of the members as they gathered on the grassy area that separated your two houses. As expected there were dozens of mumbled conversations transpiring, all speculating on what the hell was going on here. You looked to Jungkook, giving him a nod to tell him that they should start.

He cleared his throat, clapping his hands together, resulting in large boom that got everyone’s attention. “All right, listen up. We have something important we need to discuss.”

“Jungkook, why the hell are the Tri Delts here?” A Lambda named Yuta yelled out.

“Because we can be, asshole.” It was Jennie.

“Who’re you calling an asshole?” Taehyung asked, even though he had nothing to do with it.

“Your dickhead friend,” Sana responded, again even though it had nothing to do with her.

And then Chanyeol chimed in, followed by Momo, which then got escalated by Johnny and continued by Dahyun. After that you lost track of who was arguing because it just became a giant clusterfuck of people yelling and this was the perfect example of how this entire war started — people getting involved in the business of others that didn’t even concern them.

You started rubbing at your temples, fingernails digging into your palms. This was enough. “Shut the fuck up!” You yelled, a loud echo that reverberated through the air and hushed everyone into silence. “This is why you’re all here.” You motioned towards them.

“What do you mean?” Someone asked from the back. “What’s going on?”

“Me and Y/N had a meeting with President Kwon today,” Jungkook paused, releasing a deep sigh before continuing. “He said that if we all keep publicly fighting the way we have been… that our chapters will get suspended.” 

There was a small pause, as if it didn’t immediately click with everyone what had been said — and then the panic set in. 

“What?!”

“No fucking way!”

“He can’t be serious!”

“That’s bullshit!” 

“This is just another prank, right?!” 

Having forty-two people publicly shouting expletives, wasn’t the best start to this image reset that President Kwon wanted, but there was no way either of the chapters would have been okay with the other house coming into their own, so this little outdoor set-up was the best option they had. 

You and Jungkook sort of just stood there for a moment, letting the members get their gut-reactions out. Then he turned to you, motioning towards the mob of angry Greek lifers. “You were always better at yelling than me. You wanna quiet them down?” He smirked, a jab that had you clenching your teeth. 

“Great way to start off this so called peace treaty, but sure, I’ll gladly calm them down and get straight to the point. I wouldn’t want to let them drown in their own heads without knowing what’s going on because someone won’t just be upfront.” You stared him straight in the eyes, making sure he got your double meaning since he wanted to play dirty and bring up the past. He simply clenched his jaw and averted his gaze back to the crowd of hysterics laid out before them. 

“Quiet down and we’ll explain.” You yelled as loud as you could, hoping it would reach everyone so that the chatter would die down quickly. Luckily it seemed they were all on the verge of a mental breakdown and needed answers, so the volume was almost instantly brought down to a hush. All eyes were now on you. “To make things simple, President Kwon thinks that our little prank war or whatever the hell you want to call it, has brought too much negative attention to the school. Visiting students and their parents, donors, and apparently a lot of other people have noticed all of the antics that we pull on each other, and they don’t like it.” You paused, gauging the reactions, but everyone was just frozen in place, waiting for more details. “He put both of our houses on three months of probation and said that if we don’t clean up our acts and stop with all of this petty bullshit that he would suspend our chapters. So, really it’s that easy. We just have to let this feud die down...” You paused, not wanting to say what you were going to say next, but you thought that it would be the best way to diffuse the situation. “And I know that it was the venting of my personal feelings that started this entire thing, so I wanted to say… I’m sorry for causing it.” You didn’t look towards Jungkook, but you could feel his stare burning into the side of your face. You didn’t want to see his expression. Didn’t want to see the smugness or whatever the hell he was feeling towards this forced public apology. You were about to continue, but before you could, a high-pitched voice cut in. 

“No, why are you apologizing?” Sana said, stepping past the front lines of the two groups. “It is not your fault.” She shot a glare towards Jungkook who simply rolled his eyes and kept his stare straight ahead. 

Then it was Jennie pushing to the front to join in on your defense. “She’s right, Y/N. It’s not your fault. We’re the ones who planted the flowers as a joke. Even though it was a harmless joke,” She turned towards the Lambda boys, venom coating her words, “that made their trashy house look a little bit nicer. Yet, they had to escalate it into something else.”

Oh, this was not good.

Jimin broke through the front line for the Lambdas, a scowl etched across his face. “It’s not the issue of what you did. It’s the fact that back then you blindly fucked with the house that all of the guys lived in, not only Jungkook, just because of Y/N being upset over their relationship — which, he did nothing wrong since you wanna start glaring at people for no fucking reason Sana.” 

It was this violent concoction of anger and sadness colliding inside of your stomach that had you simultaneously fighting back the urge to bite off Jimin’s head or crying pathetically in front of everyone. 

Multiple people were stepping to the front of their groups now, various arguments splintering off as people began defending the heads of their respective houses. Y/N this, Jungkook that. You stared at the second story of the Tri Delt house, focusing in on the bedroom window all the way to the right (your bedroom), so that your hearing would blur out. You didn’t want to listen to these arguments any more, but you also didn’t have the energy to both somehow defend yourself while also admitting that Jungkook’s feelings from back then were also valid. So you stood there, eyes glazing over at the sight of the room where this entire feud spawned from. Though, maybe that wasn’t exactly correct. According to Jungkook it had started in no particular place and at no particular time that he could actually pinpoint. That was just the place where it had all finally been verbalized. 

You weren’t sure how long you zoned out for, just reminiscing on the conversation from that night, but it was Jungkook’s voice thundering through the air that halted everyone’s arguments once again, along with your torturous thoughts. 

“All of you just fucking stop!” He yelled. “It doesn’t matter whose fault it is or how it started. If we keep doing this we’re gonna get our chapters suspended. Do you guys want that?” There was an awkward moment of silence where everyone was just sort of looking around at one another before the members finally grumbled a unanimous ‘no.’ “Okay, so then you guys are just gonna have to get over this bullshit, just like how me and Y/N are,” Jungkook paused, one brow arched as he turned to face you. “Right?”

You felt your face heat up as you clamped your teeth down onto the inside of your cheek. “…Right.”

“Good.” Jungkook smiled, seeming very happy with himself for getting that out of you — smug asshole. He turned back to face all of the members, clapping his hands together before saying something that caused the entire group to erupt into hysterics. “Now, apologize to each other.”

“Fuck that!” Someone screeched from the back. “Baek let the air out of my tires last year. I was late for my final.” 

“Because you put a pair of panties in my car and my girlfriend thought I was cheating on her!” 

“You probably were!”

Everyone was screaming and calling out various incidents, saying there was no way in hell they were ever going to apologize. 

“Fine! Fucking fine!” Jungkook cut in immediately before it could devolve again. “How about if me and Y/N just apologize to each other and it’ll count for the rest of you? And then this war is dead. Sound fair?” 

No one said anything concrete in response, just unintelligible grumbles rippling through the crowd. Jungkook apparently took this as an okay, because he was suddenly turning toward you. “Alright, you go first.” 

You scoffed. “I’m not apologizing first. It wasn’t even my idea. Besides I already apologized to everyone earlier.”

“It wasn’t an apology to me though.” 

“I don’t think I owe you an apology.” You shrugged. “I apologized for my friends fucking with your house. What else do I need to apologize for?” 

He just looked at you, with those eyes that were unreadable. Though you could see a slight shift, as though there truly was something that he wanted you to apologize for from back then, but he could tell that you weren’t going to back down, so he went for something that cut deep as punishment. 

He huffed in annoyance. “Fine, if you wanna be like that. I’m sorry that I broke up with you, Y/N.”

Your entire body flared with anger that had a pool of sweat instantly swelling at your hairline. You stepped closer to him, only a foot of space between you, but he didn’t back down and you weren’t going to either. “And I’m sorry I wasted three years of my life with a lying, cheating piece of shit!” 

His eyes went wide. The word that never failed to strike a nerve whenever this argument was brought back under the light. His response was quiet but firm, everyone, all forty-two members watching in silence. “I never cheated on you, but if you want to think that just so I can be the bad guy in your head, fine.” 

His final word felt like a sharp cut across your chest, but you stood firm, not backing down. You didn’t break eye contact with him as you voiced your final sentiment to the two groups of warring Greeks. “I don’t care whose side you guys fall on when it comes to this overblown drama between me and Jungkook. The fighting, the pranks, all of it, it’s over.” 

“Agreed.” Jungkook bit out before turning and walking towards the Lambda house, a silent command for his Brothers to do the same. 

You didn’t stand there for a single second longer and began walking toward your own house, your fellow Sisters following. Your best friends, Sana and Jennie, instantly threw their arms around your shoulders. “Vodka?” The universal distraction from all things awful in life. 

You shook your head. “Tequila.” The universal eraser to all things awful in life. “Lots of tequila.”

 ——-

“He’s lucky that we’re in a truce now or I would’ve thought up something diabolical for his arrogant ass,” Jennie said as she dusted some blush on her cheeks. 

“I know right, ugh!” Sana made a disgusted sound as she handed you the necklace she was letting you borrow for the night. “Telling you to apologize first. Like fuck you. You haven’t even done anything.”

You simply sighed, jumping to get your jeans past your thighs. “It’s fine guys. As long as no more issues pop up we can just ignore them and act like none of this ever happened.” 

“I know, I know, but it just pisses me off that they always bring your name into the argument. Like you didn’t tell us to go and mess with them. We did it ourselves, and sure, looking back on it now we shouldn’t have done it — even though they were some nice fucking flowers — but regardless, they pushed it to another level.” Sana let out a final huff as she hopefully released the last of her ranting for the night. 

“The point of the tequila,” You said as you filled three shot glasses, several wedges of lime waiting beside them, “Is to forget the problems. Not continue thinking about them.” 

Sana snapped her fingers and pointed at you with a smile as she picked up her shot. “You know what, you’re right. Fuck the Lambdas. They no longer exist. In my head we live next to a vacant patch of grass.” 

“Exactly.” Jennie picked up her glass, leaving the final one for you. “Cheers to no longer having to deal with the house that must not be named.”

The three of you let out a little cheer before clinking your glasses together and forcing your bodies through the post-shot shivers that followed. 

After the front yard meeting fiasco you knew immediately you would be going out. However, it had still been quite early, so you, Sana, and Jennie decided to indulge in several glasses of wine to bide the time before it was late enough to feel like an appropriate time to be downing shots. Tequila at six in the afternoon, even on a Friday, just didn’t feel right, so alcohol juice it had been. Though, the warm feeling that was already radiating through your legs as you walked over to the mirror to do one last once over of your outfit indicated that the so called alcohol juice had done its job as the pre-game to the actual hard liquor pre-game a little too well. 

“Okay, I’m only opting for one more round while we’re here or else we will be having a repeat of St. Patrick’s Day.” Too many green beers that day. Too many. 

“Senior year wisdom.” Jennie placed her hand over her heart. “Our freshman year brains would never.” 

“Our freshman year brains didn’t have an aversion to six different types of alcohol yet.” You laughed as you motioned to take the next round of shots. “And I would like to still be able to look at a bottle of tequila without going into a full-body sweat after tonight, so we’re pacing ourselves.” 

“Oh, Fireball. The days when I could still drink you were so simple.” Sana grabbed her face and grimaced as if Fireball was a long lost god, while you audibly gagged from the name of the cinnamon flavored whiskey alone. 

“Sana, stop. You know Y/N can’t even look at a churro anymore without looking like she’s gonna yak everywhere like a dog.” 

I faked a sniffle. “God, I miss being able to eat churros.” Cinnamon was now inedible to you thanks to your now forever connection between the delectable spice and the previously mentioned unspeakable liquor. A break up that rivaled that of yours and Jungkook’s. 

“Uber’s gonna be here in three minutes,” Jennie said as she returned to your bedside table to grab her shot glass once again. 

The three of you raised your glasses together with a clink. “Let’s fuck it up.” 

——----

The bar right next to your college, simply referred to as “Pub,” was a weird place to be on the first Friday of the new semester. It was a mix of underage freshman trying to slyly sip at their alcohol while attempting to hide the X’s marked on their hands, and of age students that felt a little too old to be at Pub, but who could argue with free drinks for girls until midnight? Definitely not you, Sana, or Jennie. 

The three of you found your temporary home at the tables on the deck right outside of the entrance, the fresh air much preferable to the stuffy atmosphere of the dance floor that you would soon find yourself on given the right song choice to send you flying through the door. 

You watched as Sana shimmied through the crowd of people to return to your table, three tiny plastic cups in hand. “You get a vodka Sprite, you get a vodka Sprite, and I get a vodka Sprite!” She yelled as she set the cups down on the table. 

You laughed. “People may call that basic, but we still get drunk and don’t have to drink Jack and fucking Coke.”

“The Devil’s combo.” Jennie sipped her drink. “You see a guy drinking that: run. He thinks he’s so fucking cool.” 

Sana raised her plastic cup. “Cheers to the truth.” 

“Cheers,” You all agreed collectively. 

“But speaking of guys who don’t drink Jack and Coke, I ran into Namjoon when I went to the bathroom a minute ago.” A blush crept across Jennie’s cheeks. 

“Are you finally gonna see if he’s interested? He’s not your TA anymore, so it’s not sketchy.” 

Jennie shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s weird. He seems so uninterested that it’s intimidating. Like I’ve imagined thirty-seven different scenarios for our first date and he’s only like ‘Hi, Jennie. Bye, Jennie.” 

You and Sana couldn’t help but laugh, however, the amusement was cut short by a decently sized group of familiar males. 

“Fuck me,” You said under your breath, which was enough for Jennie to turn around and see the pack of Lambda boys climbing the wooden steps onto the deck of the bar, Jungkook leading the way. 

“You try to forget your problems and they just walk in on two legs.” Sana groaned. “It’s rude really.” 

The group got caught in the line to get into the bar, which unfortunately left them idling uncomfortably close to your table, and of course something had to be said. 

Jimin glanced down at them sitting, a fake grin plastered to his mouth. “If it isn’t our cordial neighbors.” 

Jennie snapped her head up to look at him, mirroring his forced smile. “Cordial can also mean that we’re pretending you don’t exist. In fact, we no longer acknowledge that we even have neighbors.” 

“That’s fantastic, actually. It means I can forget that awful blowjob you gave me freshman year even happened.” 

Jennie’s jaw clenched for all of a millisecond before responding. “Awful? Say that to my untouched vagina after you came in sixty seconds. Though again, we’re pretending you don’t exist, so I guess I can forget the most underwhelming sexual experience of my life. Thanks, Jimin.” She turned back to you and Sana, not sparing a second glance as if she’d simply given someone directions to the nearest Denny’s. 

But Jimin wasn’t through. “That’s not what happened—”

You could see in your friend’s face she was already squaring up another jab, and as much as you found it entertaining you knew it was setting a bad example. 

“Jennie,” You said at the same time that Jungkook sighed “Jimin.”

You both looked at each other, a silent message of gratefulness passing between the two of you at trying to actually make this work. 

“Guys, neither of us want to get our chapters suspended. If ignoring each other is the best route, do that, or maybe even be friends. Whatever results in no fuckery between our houses, okay?” You reminded them of what was at stake here and everyone nodded, letting any planned animosity fall away as the line to get into the bar began to move. 

You tilted your head, watching as Jungkook’s back disappeared into the building, his eyes crinkling as he smiled brightly at some girl who noticed him the second he made it past the threshold. 

Again, that stupid feeling of longing for something that was clearly dead and gone. But you didn’t want to get too down, so before you could spiral too far you turned back towards your friends. “So did he really last sixty seconds?” 

“No,” Jennie smiled, “But I definitely still have the texts of him telling me the next day it was the best suck of his life. He’s the one that lied first, so I get to bend the truth too.”

“Freshman year is so weird to think about. Everyone was actually friendly. Jennie and Jimin might be dating right now if it wasn’t for our little war.” Sana laughed as she batted the napkin away that Jennie tossed at her. 

“Absolutely not. I want someone like Namjoon, who’s smart and respectful. Not Jimin, who… who…” She trailed off simply finishing her thought with a wordless grimace. 

Jennie said that, but you knew it wasn’t exactly true. You remembered very well when Jennie and Jimin were involved and she actually seemed to enjoy the Lambda’s presence quite a bit. But then things went to shit the summer after your freshman year was over, and well, this was the reality now. Snide comments at every passing instead of mutual invites to beach days. 

You were beginning to let a little slideshow of memories from that first year cloud your head when a song that already had you lifting out of your chair clamored inside the bar. “We dance till dawn!” You pulled your friends by their arms through the entrance, waving your wristbands at the bouncer before pushing your way to the middle of the dance floor. 

“Drinks!” Jennie beamed, remembering that they had finished the others outside. “I’ll be back!” She yelled over the music, pointing towards the bar. 

You and Sana gave her a thumbs up as you began to dance together, singing the lyrics so loud your throats would certainly punish you by night’s end. But you didn’t care. Today had been absolutely disastrous, ripping up old wounds that you wished would just stay permanently beneath their flimsy bandaid, so you were thankful for this music that was blaring so loud that thoughts weren’t even an option, the alcohol that was so potent you could barely remember Jungkook’s smug face from the house meeting today, and your friends that allowed you to be this happy on days this bad. 

A few songs passed and you and Sana were still dancing and getting so hyped up by every new spin that it took you a second to remember that Jennie definitely should’ve been back by now. You looked around, only to find a sight that made you let out a slight scream that was completely concealed by the music. You tapped Sana and began pointing towards the bar. She turned and immediately mirrored your excitement. 

Namjoon was leaning into Jennie at the bar, whispering something into her ear and you could see her smiling, redness once again blooming on her face. In your drunkenness you pulled out your phone and snapped severa blurry pictures, which were sure to be a great topic of discussion in the group chat tomorrow. You watched Jennie nod her head, smiling and pointing to the three drinks in her hand, and then she started back towards where you were. 

“Bitch, the drinks could’ve waited!” You tried to say over the music. “Go back and talk to him.” 

Jennie actually looked giddy as she handed over the drinks to you and Sana. “I am. He’s leaving soon though, but he asked if I wanted to grab something to eat with him at the diner down the street.” 

Sana jumped up and down in excitement. “So he basically asked you to marry him? Got it.” 

“Oh yeah, he’s totally gonna propose to me over my omelette.” She joked, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Are you guys okay if I go?” 

“Of course, but I will be checking your location in fifteen minutes and if you are not at that diner I will hunt Namjoon’s ass down in two seconds,” You warned. “—Except if you decide you wanna skip the diner and go straight to fucking that’s cool too, just let us know.” 

Jennie threw out another giddy expression at the thought. “I’ll text you guys. Love you!” She said,  kissing her hand and throwing it out to you as she weaved back towards where Namjoon was waiting for her at the bar. 

“Fuck Disney,” You shouted to Sana. “Dreams come true at Pub too.”

She bent over, laughing as she tried to sip her drink. “Ugh, if only we could be that lucky. I’ve never had a TA even close to that hot.”

“Same, but maybe we’ll find something else tonight.” You motioned toward the back where you could see some of the soccer players hanging out. You eyed Jung Hoseok. The two of you had hooked up a few times last year, and getting laid would be a perfect ending to this bad to actually decent day. 

“Oh, I see.” Sana wiggled her brows, giving a knowing look. “Let’s go bump into them.” She grabbed your hand and began leading you through the crowd until you reached the area that the soccer players were idly standing around and sipping their drinks. You started a conversation about something random right behind Hoseok, and it was only a minute or so before he turned around and noticed the two of you. 

“Oh, look who it is.” He smiled, hugging you. “Been a while.” 

“I know your summer must’ve been so dull without me,” You flirted, sipping at your drink. 

“No question.” He leaned back against the wall, pulling you by the waist so you weren’t halfway on the dance floor and constantly being bumped into. Sana noticed the gesture and took that as her cue to let things simmer between you and Hoseok. 

“Y/N, I see Nayeon and Joy over there.” She pointed towards the other corner of the bar, where you saw the two Tri Delts mingling. “I’m gonna go over there, okay?” 

“Sounds good.” 

She leaned into your ear, whispering, “If you wanna go home with him just text me. I’ll catch a ride with them on the way back to the house.” 

“I’m ninety-five percent sure I will, but I’ll text you to make sure,” You whispered back. 

She squeezed your shoulder before pulling back. “Take care of her Jung. I’ve heard you’re very good at that.” Sana smiled like a tiny devil before running through the crowd, leaving you slightly slack-jawed. 

You bit your lip, a small warmth creeping into our face. “Please, ignore that,” You bit through an awkward laugh. 

“Why’re you embarrassed?” He smiled, shrugging before leaning next to your ear. “I mean I have taken care of you every single time we’ve been together, right?” 

His breath was hot against the side of your face, leaving you tingling. You lifted your hand, cupping his jaw as you pulled him back to look him in the face. “You can’t say things like that to me when we’re in a bar and you can’t do anything about it.” 

He smiled, eyes drifting to your mouth. “I mean we could always leave. It’s almost closing time anyways.” 

You smiled. “One more drink, after I finish this one.” 

“Perfect.” He leaned in, gave you a small peck on the lips before ruffling your hair a little and turning to say something to his friend. Presumably it was something about him getting laid tonight, which was exactly the same conversation you were about to have with your friend. 

You: the hookup is secure 

Sana: quick work. i’m proud 

Sana: joy and nayeon said that lisa is sick in the bathroom and they’re about to take her back to the house, so i was just going to catch a ride with them if you’re going with hoseok. sound good? 

You: oh really? i hope she’s okay. make sure she gets water at home. and yes i’ll be fine. we were gonna have one last drink and then go. i’ll text you when i make it to his place

Sana: sounds good. love you!

You slipped your phone back into your pocket after returning the sentiment. 

“Everything good?” Hoseok asked. 

“Yeah, one of our friends is sick so Sana was just letting me know she was gonna go home with her.” 

“Damn,” Hoseok tsked, jokingly.  “Does that mean I’m stuck with you for the night?” 

“It would seem so.” You smiled, and then he pulled you beneath his arm and adjusted the backwards cap on his head. 

“You know, I’m all for just fucking or whatever, but you’re really never gonna say yes to a date, are you?” 

You paused before answering, remembering that time last year that he’d asked about actually taking you out to dinner. You had thought about it, but in the end you just decided you had no desire to even slightly pivot in the direction of being any more than friends with benefits with someone. Though, if anyone were able to sway you away from that mindset after Jungkook, it would be Hoseok, but just not yet.

“If I let you take me to Steak n’ Shake after this, will that suffice?” You giggled at the way he rolled his eyes while still smiling. 

“I have leftovers in my fridge better than the food from there, so I’ll let you have that.” He paused, a slight glimmer filling his eyes. “Maybe I’ll light a candle, make it romantic, sort of like a date.” 

Your skin prickled slightly at the mention of the candle, a call back to one of their more… unconventional hook ups from last year.

“Is candle wax being melted onto my naked body and drunkenness really a good mix?” You asked, even though it had been one of the best feelings you had ever experienced. 

“Not that drunk, but it could always wait until the morning.” 

You tapped your finger to your lips as if you were pondering it. “Let me get my last drink and I’ll let you know my answer.” 

“I have a tab open.” He motioned towards the bar. “Just get it on mine.” 

“Thanks,” You said, even though you planned to pay for it yourself. Random guys you didn’t mind hustling a few free drinks from, but not guys you were actually sort of friends with. 

You walked up to the bartender. “Vodka Sprite,” You said over the thumping music. He nodded and then stepped to the left and made your drink. He handed it to you as you slipped him your credit card, motioning to close the tab out. 

You were already halfway done with sipping on the drink when the bartender returned a slight look of awkwardness on his face. “Uh, it declined.” 

Your brows furrowed. Your financial aid refund for school had definitely been deposited into your bank account. You knew this because you had jumped for joy when it hit and you were finally able to return to the sanctuary that is no-ads Hulu. There was enough to cover your dues for staying in the Tri Delt house this semester, so there should certainly have been enough to cover a four dollar drink. You were pondering what to do, maybe just put it on Hoseok’s tab like he said you could. It was probably just your actual bank having issues and it would sort itself out in the morning anyways. You were just about to say to put it on his tab when someone slid their muscled bicep right in front of your face with a credit card in hand. 

You knew that it was pathetic that you knew exactly who that bicep belonged to before he even turned to look at your face, black strands of hair hanging over his forehead.

“I got it,” Jungkook said to the bartender. 

“Why’d you do that?” You asked. 

“Because I was right behind you and heard him, and I know how embarrassed you get about things like that.” He shrugged, grabbing the paper and pen that the bartender slid back towards him. 

He was right. You had terrible secondhand embarrassment, let alone actual first hand embarrassment. “Well… thanks. I don’t know why it did that. I got my refund already.” 

“Just check your bank account. If the money’s in there then the bank system is probably just fucked up right now.” 

“Yeah…” You slid your phone out of your pocket and immediately went to your banking app and pressed your fingerprint down onto the login. You waited a few seconds, and when your balance appeared on the screen, you felt your heart drop. “What in the actual fuck?” You said, staring at your bank account with a whopping dollar and twenty cent in it. 

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asked, brows furrowed as he rounded to your side to look at your screen to see the low number that was not at all what it was yesterday. “I thought you said you got your refund?” 

You were shaking your head. “I… I did. I don’t know what the hell happened. Oh my god, I’m gonna freak the fuck out. I have to pay my housing cost for Tri-Delt with that money. Like what the fuck is going on—”

You felt Jungkook’s on your back, rubbing light circles. “Just breathe.” You stiffened at the touch, but didn’t try to pull away. “It’s probably just a financial aid fuck up. Call them tomorrow. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” 

You knew that he was probably right, but a creeping feeling was telling you otherwise. This was your fourth year in college dealing with the same exact scholarships every single semester and this had never happened before. 

“Fuck.” You brought your hands up to push at either of your temples. “That really just fucked up my whole mood. I’m not even horny anymore—” You cringed, realizing what you just said. “Please, just ignore me I’m drunk.” You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut, not wanting to see the expression he’d made at your admission. 

“What’re you doing now? Where’s Sana and Jennie?” He asked, ignoring your flub and finally lowering his hand from your back. 

“They’re not here. Jennie left earlier and I told Sana I was gonna go home with… Hoseok, but now I just wanna go lay in bed by myself so I can spiral into every negative possibility of why my bank account looks like that.” 

“It’s gonna be fine.” This time he placed his hand on the back of your neck, cupping it slightly. It was a motion that had always for some reason calmed you down when things got overwhelming. It seemed he remembered. But even though you appreciated the comfort, the feeling of his hand there made something in your stomach flutter — that stupid feeling of longing seriously needed it’s wings shredded. You gripped his forearm, pulling it away from you, and you saw something shift in his eyes as you did so. 

“I guess I’m gonna go tell Hoseok that I’m just gonna go home—” But then you suddenly remembered something. “Fuck! I can’t Uber because I don’t have any money on my card.” You pinched the bridge of your nose. “This day was so bad and then actually pretty good, only to turn out fucking awful.” 

There was a couple of seconds of silence between the two of you, but you kept your eyes closed, trying to clear the fog in your head from all the alcohol to figure out what you were going to do. However, Jungkook finally let out a sigh before speaking. “Come on.”

“What?” You asked.

“All of these people are trying to get out of here at once and they’re ordering Uber’s at the same time.” He flashed his phone screen, showing that it was not only almost closing time, but that the next driver wouldn’t be available for thirty-two minutes with everyone having already ordered their rides. “It’s a twenty minute walk back to your house. I’ll just walk you there.” 

Even though Jungkook was currently the president of the Lambdas, he actually decided not to live in the frat house this year and instead opted for a cheaper apartment that was still near campus. You and Jungkook both relied on scholarships to pay for most of your schooling,  and fraternity and sorority dues on their own were not cheap, and living on Greek Drive only made that burden a million times worse. 

But the point was that Jungkook had no need to go to campus because he lived in a completely different direction now.

“You don’t even live there anymore. How’re you gonna get home?” You asked. 

“I’ll just sleep on the couch and get Tae or Jimin to drive me to my place in the morning.” He shrugged. 

You weren’t exactly keen on the idea of having to walk all the way back to campus with Jungkook,  considering just a five minute car ride earlier in the day had been sufficiently awkward all on its own. But you also were unfortunately no longer in the mood for sex, leaving Hoseok’s house out of the picture, and your bank account was for some reason drained, which resulted in you only having one option really. 

“Alright,” You finally said. “Just let me tell Hoseok and then we can go.” 

He nodded as you walked back towards the group of soccer players, tapping Hoseok on the shoulder. It seemed your dismay was painted plainly on your face because he immediately asked what was wrong. 

“I actually can’t hang out tonight. I just found out my bank account is fucked up and I can’t really think about anything else right now, so I was just gonna head home, but I wanted to let you know. I’m sorry.” 

“No, you’re fine,” He said, shaking his head. “Do you have a way home then?” 

You glanced towards Jungkook, releasing a heavy sigh. “Uhm, yeah, Jungkook was gonna walk me.” 

Hoseok’s eyes darted toward where you pointing, narrowing slightly. Most people knew about the feud between the Lambdas and the Tri Delts, which meant most people also knew the details about why there was a feud in the first place. 

“Are you sure you’re good with that?” Hoseok asked. 

Not really, but a twenty minute walk wasn’t going to kill you. “We’re fine, promise. Actually we’ve been… cordial lately.” You tried to say it like it was actually the truth, but you thought maybe if you spoke it into existence then it would actually come to fruition. 

Hoseok tilted his head, giving you a look that said he didn’t really believe you, but regardless he pulled you in for a hug. “Okay, let me know when you get home.” 

“I will,” You assured him before waving goodbye and making your way back towards Jungkook. 

“Ready,” He huffed, a slight annoyance seeming to coat his words as he pushed himself off of the wall and started towards the entrance. 

“Are you really gonna have an attitude?” You asked as you did a little jog to catch up with him. “I would’ve found another way if I knew you were gonna act like an ass.” 

“I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m just tired.” He placed his hand on one of your shoulders, moving you in front of him so the two of you could move through the mass of people more quickly until you were walking through the entrance and down the wooden ramp that connected to the outside deck. 

“Then why’d you offer? I could’ve called someone to pick me up.” 

“Because,” He paused, motioning towards the crosswalk that already had dozens of drunk college kids filing through it. “I couldn’t just leave you there, and I thought just taking you home would be quicker than you calling people to try and find a ride.” 

Ouch. He was just trying to be nice and you were calling him an ass. Heat flushed beneath your skin from embarrassment. “I’m sorry…” You finally said as you made it to the sidewalk and began the straight shot down the main road towards Greek Drive. “Thank you for making sure I got home alright.” You added, avoiding any eye contact and opting to walk a little bit in front of him. 

After about five entire minutes of silence you thought to yourself, yeah, this was going pretty much as expected. But you were thankful that at least there wasn’t any hostility. You didn’t want any more arguments like the ones from today.  You had seethed at each other after the two of you left President Kwon’s office. Had thrown insults at one another at the meeting between your houses. Like sure, maybe the silence hurt more than it should’ve. The idea that the guy you started dating and fell in love with when you were a junior in high school not even being able to fake a conversation with you for twenty minutes was mildly heartbreaking to say the least. But again, the silence was better than the anger that had fueled most of your interactions since breaking up the summer after starting college. 

You had become somewhat content with the lack of speaking. You were still a few steps ahead of Jungkook as he walked behind you, but he suddenly picked up speed and joined you, shoulder skating against yours before he was curving his hand around your waist and nudging you to go to the side of the sidewalk that wasn’t closest to the main road that was currently buzzing with post-bar traffic. 

“Wouldn’t want you falling face first into a Camero that someone’s Daddy bought them, Drunkie,” He said, offering a playful smile as he dropped his arm back down to his side. 

You were caught so off guard by the positive expression from Jungkook that it took you a second for your head to actually realize what he had even said. You pushed his shoulder. “I’m not even drunk anymore.”

“Well, considering I can literally smell the tequila on you, I’d rather not take any chances of you falling into oncoming traffic.” 

“You’re being nice.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “Too nice.” 

“What?” He chuckled. “I’m just making an effort to try and fix things between us so that the members don’t see us constantly fighting and think it’s okay to do the same.” 

Ah, that’s what it was. He didn’t care if you guys actually patched this up, just that it looked like you did. 

“Well, we could always pretend to like each other, since the appearance is all that actually matters apparently.” You forced a smile and began walking a little bit faster. Ten more minutes. Ten more minutes of being alone with him and his stupid presence that overwhelmed you with thoughts that you wished would just disappear. 

“That’s not what I meant,” He said almost immediately, not letting that unbearable plunge into silence return. “I would love it if we could be nice to each other and actually mean it… I just…” He trailed off, seeming to hesitate in whatever he was trying to say. 

“Just spit it out.” 

There was one more second of a brief pause before he spoke quietly. “I just don’t think that’s ever going to happen, because I know you still blame me for everything.” 

You tensed up, still keeping your pace of being slightly ahead of him. You inhaled a deep breath through your mouth before turning to look over your shoulder at him, his eyes already waiting to meet yours. 

“I don’t blame you.” You smiled, but with a sad furrowing of your brows. “I… resent you.” 

Jungkook’s mouth fell open, his eyes widening in surprise. “I mean, that’s… that’s even worse than blaming me.”

You shook your head. “No, it’s not.” 

His expression turned more puzzled. “How is you resenting me better than you blaming me?” 

“Because, blame implies that I think it’s your fault… Resentment just means I’m angry and upset, regardless of whether I think you were right or wrong for what happened.” You felt the bridge of your nose begin to tingle with that telltale sign of tears, so you quickly looked forward and urged them to stay hidden until you were at least in the comfort of your own room. “I’m just resentful of the things I now think and feel about myself, but that isn’t your fault. It’s my issue to deal with.” You shrugged. 

“What things do you think and feel about yourself?” He asked, and you could tell that he had hurried his pace and was a little closer behind you now. 

You closed your eyes, shaking your head. You didn’t want to talk about this. The two of you hadn’t had an in depth conversation like this since you’d first broken up. But things were different now compared to that first conversation. Back then it was raw and fresh, the pain too intense to notice what was growing underneath. Now it was a scar, and you were left with all of the emotions, feelings, and implications of how and why things ended. 

“I… I don’t really wanna talk about it honestly.” You said that, but you also wanted Jungkook to understand that you were perfectly aware of how you had acted the past few years. You may have said and acted in ways that seemed bitchy and ridiculous, but it was because of these disgusting emotions that were now plaguing your mind constantly, and maybe it was time he knew. “I kind of wish we had broken up over this giant fight that was about something unfixable. Something where we both clearly did things wrong and we were both through with each other because there was no way either of us were going to change our minds. I think I could’ve dealt with that so much better than what you actually broke up with me for. Which was just the fact that you thought I was...” You trailed off, the word that bombarded your thoughts mercilessly landing on your tongue. “Boring.”

You heard the way his shoes scratched against the concrete at his screeching halt, and he clearly thought that that was going to stop you as well, but you kept going, not actually wanting to hear any response from him. You said your piece and now maybe he would understand. But of course you knew that he wasn’t just going to let it end like that, which was made apparent when you felt him suddenly gripping your arm, trying to get you to slow down for a second. 

“I never said or even thought that about you, Y/N, ever.” He tried to pull you to look at him, but you twisted your body and threw a hand over your face to cover your eyes that were already glistening. 

“No, stop,” You said firmly, and he ceased with trying to get you to look at him. “I told myself after that night in my room I was never going to let you see me cry over you ever again, and if I look at you right now, I will. I just know I will, so please just stop.” 

He didn’t say anything for a minute, leaving just the sound of grasshoppers and the random gust of cars passing by. You thought maybe he would just let it go and you could continue the last few minutes of the walk without speaking, but you had verbalized your thoughts and Jungkook was without a doubt going to respond. 

“I know how it’s easy to think that,” He started, his voice a whisper with his hand still wrapped around your arm, as if he was afraid you would bolt down the street without letting him finish if he let you go. “But that’s not why I ended things. You were the first girl I ever actually dated, and when we got here I just started thinking about—”

“—All of your new exciting options.” You cut in, anger flaring before you could stop it. 

“Y/N…” He trailed off, squeezing your arm. “That’s not what it was—”

“—No,” You said before he could try and dance his way through some explanation of how he just wanted to go crazy in college without actually saying it out loud. “You don’t have to explain it again. I’d rather you didn’t actually. I remember in excruciating detail the way you explained it that night. I understand, I get it… So, p-please,” Your voice cracked, finally being too overwhelmed by this entire situation. “Let’s just keep walking and not talk about it anymore. Please.” 

It turned so quiet I could even hear how hard Jungkook was breathing. It sounded heavy but unnatural, like he was trying to forcibly steady his heartbeat. And after a few seconds you felt him finally drop his hand from your arm and you didn’t wait for him to say a single word before you started down the sidewalk again.

The Tri Delt house was five minutes away, leading to five minutes of complete and utter silence between two people that was so palpable it blocked out the scratching of your shoes as you walked and the rustle of tiny animals running through the trees next to you. It engulfed you in this tunnel of noiselessness. 

Eventually you saw the bend at the end of the street where yours and Jungkook’s houses sat next to one another. It was only a little bit away, yet it felt so far. Twenty minutes. All it had taken was twenty minutes of the two of you not partaking in your back and forth hostility from the last few years for you to break down again. It felt pathetic. It was completely pathetic. 

You were finally approaching the point where the Tri Delt and Lambda house split into opposite directions. All you had to do was keep walking straight while Jungkook veered to the left and— 

You felt the light tug at the belt loop of your jeans, stopping you in place, just like from earlier today after the suspension meeting. You were about to tell him to let you go, when he beat you to the punch. 

“You’re not boring, Y/N. You never have been.” He was so close you could feel his breath hitting the back of your head. “It was one of the millions of reasons that I loved you. I just wanted you to know that.” 

And then he was gone. The pressure of someone tugging you in place disappearing, leaving you to catch your balance as you finally stood alone. You forced yourself to stare straight ahead as you walked towards your front door, not daring to look at him as he walked to the Lambda house. You shoved your keys inside the lock, forcing it open and then taking the stairs by two’s until you were collapsing in your bed, fingers crushing your pillow as you finally let yourself cry. 

——--

A phone was ringing inside of your dreams. It was ringing and ringing and ringing until you realized the sound was coming from some otherworldly place — oh yeah, that would be the current hell that is your life. 

You blinked a couple of times, blindly reaching for the source of the noise that was lost somewhere in your bed. You finally felt your hand slide across the leather of your phone case. You brought it up to read the name and you felt your stomach curl. 

‘Jungkook the Jackass’ was calling. And if it weren’t for the fact that he was calling you at seven in the morning you probably would’ve just sent him straight to voice mail in order to avoid any further conversations about what transpired last night. But alas, it was seven in the morning and just seemed to be too early of a time for him to be calling about something mundane. 

You regretfully lifted the phone to your ear. “Yes?” You grumbled, voice scratchy. 

“We have a problem.” No mention of last night. It was just a clear cut declaration that did not sound good. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked, sitting up from bed. 

“Come outside your house. Now.” 

Your eyes widened and you instantly jumped from bed. He sounded urgent enough that you decided your flimsy nighttime apparel was going to have to do. You hurried down the stairs and opened the front door, revealing Jungkook in the front yard staring at something. 

“What is it?” You asked, arms crossing over your chest as you tried to hide your bralessness. 

Jungkook pressed his lips together as he pointed towards the front of the Tri Delt house. “My idiot Lambda Brothers.” 

You followed the direction of his finger, your mouth dropping at the sight before you. 

Dozens and dozens and dozens of boxers covering every inch of the first story of the house. You turned towards Jungkook, so angry and anxiety-riddled that someone from administration had already seen this, that you could hardly speak. 

“I’m going to murder them,” You finally managed to spit through clenched teeth. 

“No,” He started, turning to you, mirroring your own frustration. “I’m going to murder them.” 

→ part 02

[forjustice]

Made/am making some more changes to soften my tone and clear up a few misconceptions people might have about my standards, might want to run it through further edits but right now there are a few major things I would like to draw attention to.

The first is that I added this new rule:

🌙 If you do not or no longer wish to interact with me, I ask you to please block me everywhere as well instead of simply unfollowing or softblocking. This is because Tumblr constantly messes up following and unfollowing, and I prefer certainty.

The second is that I clarified in the "Disclaimer: On Reading" section that I do not expect constant 750+ word replies, or even constant long replies in general. It was brought to my attention that it might have come across that way, so I wanted to clarify that I am only talking about reading rather than writing. I have also made it extra clear that you are not required to read every headcanon or worldbuilding post that I do. However, my wish for my partners is that they are okay with reading long metas in general and are able to engage with them. This is because a lot of my info is stored in long metas, and it is discouraging if I send my ideas to partners and no meaningful discussion ever comes out of it.

The third thing I will add to these blog-specific rules as soon as I am able:

The Yumean people who I write about are roughly coded as Jewish. Yumeans are not a 1:1 with Judaism as I have taken some liberties to allow for more conformity to Pokémon canon. But you will see many references to Jewish culture and religion in their worldbuilding; anything Abrahamic about their worldbuilding and beliefs is being written from a Jewish, not Christian perspective. In addition to this, the Draconid, Sootopolitan and Lavaridgean Yumean peoples are coded as Indigenous. I do my best to portray these things sensitively, especially since I am still learning as someone becoming a part of the Jewish community. But if you are Jewish or Indigenous and you see anything problematic, I am 100% open to feedback!

This is a worldbuilding fact that I was originally planning to not bring up until someone noticed that the Yumeans were Jewish-coded because I was wondering if anyone would point it out. But I figured I should state it outright, because I have wanted to post some things about the Yumeans that would only be acceptable if people knew I was doing it from inside the Jewish community. In addition, I realized that the whole origin story of the Yumean people would seem like a big reference to Christianity because it touches on a lot of things shared between the Torah and Old Testament, so I just wanted to put it out there that nope, it's Jewish :P

Thank you all for reading! <3

Made some overall changes to my rules to make them sound less mean, also made some cuts to the rules for things that I doubted would end up being issues. Except for the part where I go off about AI. AI users have no rights. GALDKSFJADSLKFJSADLKFJ

[arcadialedger]

A Keefe/ Sokeefe discussion— and why Sokeefe is important.

So, as many of you know I am reading through Keeper of the Lost Cities. I just finished Lodestar, and I have a lot of thoughts regarding Keefe, especially in relation to Sophie.

Despite them being apart, Lodestar proves just what great foils Keefe and Sophie are. Not only do they continue to have a deep and innate understanding of one another, but Sophie in particular is the only one to have full faith in Keefe and understand what he is doing. While arguably being the one with the most right to be upset with him.

She never lost faith in him. Even before she saw his worst memory, she saw his reasonings and the guilt he was harboring better than anyone.

Generally speaking, while understandable, the skepticism towards Keefe by characters throughout this book was so frustrating. This boy is risking his life, putting himself in the heart of enemy territory FOR THEM, overwhelmed with guilty for what his mother did to his loved ones, and so often his job is made harder with questioning of his loyalties.

Once it was confirmed Keefe was indeed a double agent and still good, which was pretty clear already given his parting comments and want to get Sophie to safety, couldn’t we maybe, I don’t know, not second guess his intentions constantly and potentially jeopardize his safety?

All it does is make Keefe’s plans run less smoothly, and higher the probability that he is going to get in trouble and into a situation where he has to do something bad just to stay alive.

I am so glad to see him back for ‘Nightfall’, and Fitz begin to underhand him more deeply. Yet it is so very telling how strong he and Sophie’s relationship stayed despite being apart, and how Sophie treated him in comparison to the others.

They have, as I stated before, a deep connection and innate understanding of one another. Unparalleled by any other relationship.

The fact Sophie was thinking for a moment they were fated to be opposites is interesting, because they very much are fated as foils and soulmates. Further, the very reason Keefe left is why Sokeefe works, especially in comparison to Sofitz.

You see, for a classic ESTP type character Keefe’s empath abilities, empathy for others (obviously connected to his abilities), disregard for his own well being, and constant putting others before himself is classic INFJ. It’s an incredibly interesting ability to put with his personality, and makes him a remarkably complex and unique character even outside of his history and traumas.

Keefe takes what his mother did personally. He owns it and puts it on his shoulders. He is riddled with guilt, and has very little regard for his own life. This is why he makes the sacrifice to join the Neverseen and put himself in danger. He could quite literally feel the pain and impact his mother caused on his friends. It would be next to impossible not to internalize that.

But you know who else has a relative who hurt people and joined the Neverseen? Fitz. Yet his reaction is entirely hard and logical, compatible with his telepathic mind abilities. He doesn’t take it personally like Keefe does, he doesn’t put that responsibility on his shoulders. 

He is the head, while Keefe is the heart.

And this is where we get into the heart of why I think Sokeefe works while Sofitz doesn’t. As a romantic partner and foil, Sophie needs a heart to contrast and support her head, not another head (if that makes sense). They balance each other. Keefe helps make sense of all of the feelings and thoughts in her head, while Sophie helps him make sense of and reason our all of his overwhelming emotions.

This is seen in their interactions all throughout the series. Each one is so tender, genuine and raw. There is that deep connection I’ve mentioned, that leads them to get one another in ways nobody else can.

Nobody else understands Keefe the way Sophie does, and vice versa. Nobody. In ways tied to both Keefe opening up to her, and them being on the same communicative emotional wavelength. It honestly reminds me of all the reasons I love Zutara and mourn it’s lost potential.

There is no way to do it justice when trying to describe characters who just have that bond, that perfect understanding and balance, that mutually supportive love. Those characters that are perfect foils.

Sofitz is cute, but more of a crush, and I truly think they are compatible better as besties and telepath battle partners. It’s not problematic and I don’t hate them as a pair, but it is simply not meant to be as Sokeefe, nor does it have the depth. I like the idea of their relationship being like Claire and Douxie in Tales of Arcadia. I know Sofitz tries things out for a little while in books 7-8 ish, and while I probably will be frustrated screaming for Keefe I actually don’t mind.

Because I want Sophie to try out that relationship, see why it’s not meant to be that kind of love, and move on to find a true, mature romantic love with Keefe. Fitz is a cute boy, and they share a lot in common. It’s perfectly natural for Sophie to have a crush on him and even try dating.

But a message of Sophie realizing what true love is/ what different kinds of love look like, and finding a mature relationship with Keefe while also being able to have a strong non romantic bond with Fitz? Is so important and would be so beautiful. Not to mention having this in the hindsight of Keefe being SO mature and supportive of Sophie and Fitz’s relationship.

It seems to be leaning that direction based on what I’ve heard about the end of book 8 (because yes I looked up the Sokeefe page on the wiki spoilers be damned because I am trash), and I am crossing my fingers that is the arc we get for the last books.

Keefe and Sophie’s love is so deep, unconditional, and pure. They understand and support each other in so many ways and bring out each other’s best selves. They help each other heal, and are connected in a way unparalleled by any other characters.

The head and the heart. The telepath and the empath.

Sokeefe forever.