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brywrites · 4 years ago

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Lock and Key I

Summary: In which Spencer Reid stumbles upon a GED class at Millburn and feels something like hope for the first time in weeks.

[Series Masterlist]

....

The prison library is a haven, for the few minutes he’s allowed to visit twice a week. It’s quiet, secluded, and full of his favorite things – books. The selection is nowhere near as nice as his personal collection at home, or the public library, but it’s better than nothing. Without words, he’d go mad. He needs stories to keep him sane, to give him a route he can escape by.

Today though, he’s startled to walk into the small space and find twelve other prisoners inside – accompanied by a face he’s never seen before. A woman. What’s even more surprising is that she doesn’t wear the uniform of a guard or an employee. Instead she’s in Converse sneakers and a lavender polka-dotted dress. It’s been so long since he saw that color – any bright color, really. But it’s his favorite and it isn’t until that moment that the realizes how much he’s missed the simplest of things. The sight of his favorite color. Bright images in dull spaces. Things that look hopeful.

Reid isn’t sure what’s going on, but the other prisoners seem to be too absorbed in the books to notice him. Just as he’s thinking he can back away quietly and return tomorrow, she turns around, smiling at the sight of him.

“Well hello there!” she says. “Are you Luis?”

Reid tilts his head, confused. How does this stranger know his friend? “Uh, no, no I’m not. I’m sorry, who are you?”

Her smile drops, though she doesn’t seem annoyed. Merely disappointed. “Oh. They told me Luis would be joining us today, but he never showed up. I’m Y/N. I’m one of the teachers here.”

This is the first he’s heard of such a thing. “You teach?”

She nods. “That’s right! I teach a couple of different groups – a few college classes here and there, a resume workshop. This is my GED class. We’re starting a unit on British Literature so they’ve all come to pick out a novel. You must be new here,” she notes, looking him over. He can feel himself flush under her gaze. It’s been a while since someone looked at him just to see him and not to evaluate his potential as a threat or a tool. “If you’d like, you can join the class. I’ve got plenty of open seats.”

“Oh no, I don’t need a GED.”

“It’s never too late to graduate,” she says. Then, considering him, “But that’s not what you meant is it?”

The way she’s studying him makes him nervous, though he’s certain it’s the same way he’s studied suspects and victims, trying to see beyond the obvious and understand what lies beneath. How strange, to be on the other side of that stare. “I’ve graduated high school already,” he informs her, hoping he doesn’t sound aloof. “And college. Actually, I hold three PhDs.”

“In what?”

“Mathematics, chemistry, and engineering.”

Y/N holds his gaze, taking this in. It’s as though she’s trying to decide whether or not to believe him. He figures in this environment, perhaps it’s not unusual to be told blatant lies by some prisoners. Delusion and paranoia aren’t uncommon. To teach in a place like this, she would have to be insightful and observant. For whatever reason, she must decide to trust him, because she smiles again.

“Well that’s rather impressive. You’re more qualified than I am. Just a Master’s for me.”

Reid decides against commenting in the irony of the situation, that despite his qualifications he’s nothing but a prisoner here. The same category as every drug-dealer, murderer, petty thief, and gangbanger. No better. But the way she looks at him, it at least makes him feel normal again. She looks at him like he’s a human being, with no disdain or disgust in her gaze, and no air of superiority in her voice.

“What did you study?” he asks her.

“English literature in college, education in grad school. I specialized in literature and languages, though I’m not too shabby when it comes to history. If it’s the STEM field you’ll be wanting though, you’ll have to check in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, my colleague teaches those classes.”

Glancing down at her watch, her eyes widen. “Goodness, we’re almost out of time.” She turns to the other inmates and instructs them to make their choices before she has to dismiss class for the day. To him, she adds, “It was nice to meet you – um…”

“Doct-” he begins, before stopping himself. This isn’t a normal introduction. Here, he holds no title, no position of importance. “Er, Spencer. My name is Spencer.”

“Well, Doc –” He tries not to smile at her casual acknowledgment – “if you ever change your mind, we meet Mondays and Wednesdays in room W15 during the afternoon rec slot.”

Despite having no need to attend a GED class, and for reasons he cannot quite explain, he finds himself slipping into that very room on Wednesday afternoon. Y/N glances up from the whiteboard she writes on, faltering for only a brief moment when she catches sight of him slipping into an empty seat in the back row, but she carries on. They’re talking about common themes in Brit Lit, and she’s explaining the Canterbury Tales, which they’ll be reading parts of. From what Reid gathers, there aren’t enough copies of books for them to all read the same novel, but she’s printed out large sections of the Tales for them to read together. It’s familiar, and for someone whose life has largely revolved in academia, it’s soothing to be in an environment where learning is taking place and discussion is happening. Even though he sits silently in the back row, observing.

The other inmates have all picked out books to read on their own and report on, from King Lear to Brave New World. A few have even selected Bronte and Austen novels, which Y/N applauds them for. When she divides them into groups to read and discuss “The Knight’s Tale,” she slips over to join Reid in the back of the room.

“I didn’t think you’d make it, Doc,” she tells him.

He shrugs. “I – I’ve kind of missed the classroom. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to sit in. If you don’t mind, of course!”

“Not at all.” She smiles, dismissing his worry with a wave of her hand. “The more the merrier. Besides, it’s rare that I have students with such an extensive education beforehand. You’ll need to file an enrollment slip though, just for official records.”

She hands him a piece of paper and a commissary pen. While he doesn’t need the credit, he could use the normalcy. Discussions about books with other people in a space that feels a little safer – even if it doesn’t look like the classrooms he’s used to. The walls are stark white and bare save for three posters of famous writers and scientists. The two windows have thick bars on them. The desks are bolted to the floor. Every man in the room wears prison issued blues. But there is a whiteboard and a bookshelf and a clock. And Y/N, in a bright blue turtleneck. It makes him think of the sky, which he only gets a glimpse of for a few hours each week. Suddenly, she’s become the most vivid connection to the outside world.

“How long have you been teaching here?” he asks as he writes down answers to the form’s printed questions.

“Almost three years now. It started with just GED classes, but some volunteer programs have helped us bring new opportunities to the guys. It took me a while to convince the warden, but they’ve been a huge success. So are you coming from another facility? I know we had some transfers last week.”

He shakes his head. “I uh, I haven’t been sentenced yet. But there was overcrowding at the jail so they sent me here.” Reid pauses. “I assumed you would’ve known that.” The inmate records are publicly available. All she’d have to do is search his name or the number on his clothing and everything she needed to know would be right there – his charges, his admission date, his identifying information and that ID photo from his first day.

But she just shrugs. “I make a point not to look up what my students have been convicted of. I let them volunteer that information if they choose to, but I respect their privacy. Besides, I’d like to believe all of us are more than the worst thing we’ve ever done.”

He’s struck by her words. After all, for the last decade his job has been to see people precisely as the worst thing they’ve ever done. To delve deep into those actions and develop a profile of a person on that alone. He has an impulse to dismiss her statement as naïve, but it reminds him of Garcia, of her boundless optimism and her ability to see the best in the world even after looking at the worst of it. That memory and the smile Y/N looks at him with softens the heart he’s been carefully hardening since he arrived here. And so rather than dampen her spirit he asks, “Does it matter if I’ve read all of the books you’re discussing already?”

Her eyes widen ever so slightly with surprise. “All of them?”

“My mother was a literature professor,” he says. “And I just really like books.”

“Well, typically I’d encourage you to take the courses we offer for college credit but they’re full. Since you already have your GED, I suppose we could treat it like you’re auditing. It might help some of the guys to have someone with a little more academic experience…” She trails off and then gasps. “Oh wait! How would you feel about being the TA for the class? It’s been so long since I had one for the GED classes.”

“Like… grade papers and things?”

“No, not like that,” she says. “There are strict rules about who sees what here. Being a TA for me would be less typical TA duties and more of mentoring the other students, helping me clean up after class, re-shelving books, things like that. It’s not an official job so there’s no pay, but you would get good time credit.”

Though he doesn’t know what his sentence here will be, if he’s sentenced at all, he knows that any good time credit he can obtain to reduce the length of it is worth it. And so he says, “Okay.”

Y/N’s eyes light up. Her smile is the prettiest thing he’s seen since he got here. “Perfect! Oh, this is so exciting. I’m glad you joined us.” When he finishes the paperwork, she leads him to an empty seat at a group of tables.

“No, no, you’ve got it all wrong, Porkchop. It’s a love story,” one of the men is saying to another.

“Come on now, Xavier, you know the rules,” Y/N interrupts. “Nicknames stay outside the classroom. We use first names here.”

“Sorry, Teach,” Xavier says. He tries again. “It’s a love story, Carl.”

“That’s more like it. Carl, I can’t wait to hear your response. But first, I’m going to have Spencer join your group, alright? He’s our newest student and our TA for the class. He’s read a lot of these books so if you’re having a hard time or want to talk to someone about the material outside of class time, he’s a great person to ask.”

The group welcomes him – Xavier, Carl, Richie, and Luis. Reid is grateful to be with Luis, the one person he knows he can consider a friend inside. They talk about Chaucer and “The Franklin’s Tale,” and he’s surprised by the critiques and connections his peers make. Their debate is certainly different than the conversation he’d expect to find at a university class, but their ideas are still insightful and interesting. They make connections to their own lives, to the sacrifices they have made and the power of love they have witnessed firsthand. Mothers who never stop fighting for their appeal cases. Friends who send money so they can afford commissary. The difficulty of skipping commissary so they can send money home to their own families outside.

When their discussion finally winds down, Reid asks, “What’s the rule with nicknames about?”

“It’s Miss Y/N’s way of humanizing people,” Xavier says. “She says when we use first names like that, we’re all equals. But it’s different outside of class. We stick to nicknames because that’s what you do, y’know?” Reid shakes his head. Xavier chuckles. “You’re fresh meat, huh. First time you been down? In here, COs turn you into just a number or a last name. So nicknames inside are a way to hold on to some of your identity. Beyond that, there’s some guys in here you don’t want knowing your name, you feel me?”

“Nicknames gotta be given to you by someone else. Can’t make your own. Course, that means they’re usually a little insulting. They call me Porkchop,” Carl says. “Xavier’s Hammerhead. Richie is Spiders. And Luis, he been christened Slim Jim yesterday at chow. But don’t worry, we’ll find one for you soon.” Reid isn’t sure how to feel about the assurance. He doesn’t want to belong here, doesn’t want to fit in or get comfortable. On the other hand, he may be here for a while. Maybe laying low and finding allies wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

He knows one thing for sure – as he walks out of class, Y/N flashes that bright smile at him again. And for some reason, it makes him feel hopeful. More hopeful than any session with lawyers or judges has made him feel. Monday can’t come soon enough.

[Next]

Tags: @calm-and-doctor @averyhotchner

#criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #prison reid #prison!reid

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thevioletjones · 5 years ago

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fic trope 60! 😋 congrats on 100k!! soooo deserved!!

Alright! So this is a ficlet I combined with a request from @yellowcerulean that was also for #60 + #4:

Bookshop AU / Aroused by their voice

Mickey stared down at his phone with deep disdain. Was he really willing to go through with all this bullshit just because he lost a fucking bet? His sister’s sneering face and cutting voice popped into his head spewing the usual hateful, nagging bullshit she always directed at him, and he sighed heavily, knowing he’d have to bite the bullet and abide by the terms he’d agreed to or else never hear the end of it.

He pressed the telephone number link, then send, bringing the phone to his ear as it began ringing.

“Bargain Book Bin, this is Ian, how can I help you?” The voice that greeted him was deep and sexy, which momentarily threw Mickey entirely off his game.

“Uhhhh…” What was he calling about again? Oh right. “Yeah, you got any of those like GED prep book thingies? Like with worksheets and crap like that?”

The guy on the other end of the line audibly snorted, which immediately set Mickey’s teeth on edge. “Yeah, we have those.”

“That funny to you, asswipe?”

“Um, no sir, I just couldn’t help being amused by your phrasing.”

Dammit, the little teasing lilt was not helping Mickey stay angry.

“Well, maybe next time don’t laugh at someone askin’ for help and just answer the damn question,” he said anyway.

“Will do, sir.” Dammit. Why’d he keep calling him ‘sir’ like that? “We have GED prep books.”

“Great. So what’s the fuckin’ bargain like, then? You guys sell secondhand shit for cheap or what?”

“We sell both used and new items. It all depends. You can come down and take a look. But if you don’t mind my saying, I would also recommend the adult continuing education classes at the library. They can be really helpful.”

Mickey’s eyebrows quivered and shot up. “Yeah, I do mind you sayin’. You tryin’ to tell me to go back to school?”

“Um, no. I’m trying to tell you that the library has free classes that help people like you get ready for taking the GED.”

“People like me? Who exactly are people like me, asshole? Retards? Dumbfucks like me who had to drop out?”

“Uh, look, sir—”

“And stop callin’ me fuckin’ ‘sir,’ bitch! I’m gonna come down there and you can say that shit to my face!”

Mickey hung up the phone in a giant huff, wishing it was like the old days when you could slam the receiver down satisfyingly into the cradle. Or at least snap the fucking flip-phone mouthpiece closed. Smartphones were bullshit for ending angry phone calls. He couldn’t exactly afford to throw it at the wall though.

It wasn’t even a half hour later when he marched into the shitty little bookshop hole-in-the-wall a handful of blocks over. There were a total of zero patrons in the store based on his cursory glance around, and only one tall redheaded fuck behind the counter with his back turned.

“‘Ey,” Mickey called out. “You the joker tryin’ to send me back to degenerate school?”

The redhead whipped around stiffly, and Mickey’s forward gait stuttered. If this was the melodious voice, then he was in serious fucking trouble, cuz the guy was hot as hell. Didn’t look like he belonged cooped up in some old musty bookstore at all.

“GED guy?” It was definitely the sexy voice. Dammit.

“Good guess,” he shot back. “So you gonna say it to my face, or what, tough guy?”

The tense shoulders sagged a little, and the dude’s handsome face softened. “Look, you were jumping to a lot of conclusions on the phone, man. I wasn’t trying to put you down or anything, okay?”

“Sounded a lot like you were,” Mickey replied, slowing his roll slightly, but crossing his arms in a small show of defiance. “Came off like an uppity prick, to be honest.”

Red chortled and looked down, and something inside of Mickey fluttered unwittingly.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret, Rumble Fish… I never graduated high school either, okay? I took the GED myself a few years ago. Hence my advice, cuz I know of which I speak.”

That took Mickey aback. This guy didn’t talk like some dropout. “The hell is a fuckin’ rumble fish?”

The guy snickered. “It’s a book about a young ruffian who fights a lot. They made a movie out of it too. Matt Dillon played you.” Now he was fucking smirking at him. The gall.

“Oh yeah?” Mickey asked, unable to stop himself from being charmed by this idiot. “I guess he used to be pretty hot back in the day.”

That titillating smirk blossomed into a full-on wolfish grin. “Yeah, he was.”

Was this fool looking him up and down now? Jesus.

“You checkin’ me out?” Mickey hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“Maybe I am.”

“What’s your name again?”

“Ian.”

“Right. Mickey.”

“Right. You wanna go check out the books you need then?”

“I wanna check somethin’ out alright.” Oh god, was this him flirting? He was pathetic.

But Ian just chuckled and motioned for him to follow him through the tall stacks. Mickey obliged, watching his ass the whole way.

#ficlet #trope challenge #ian x mickey #gallavich

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pokemonswshbutionlyplayedsword · 5 years ago

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What are the gym leaders insecure about?

Oh boy, this is a good one. We love being sad on this blog now ig

Milo:

-He doesn’t really have any insecurities. He’s pretty happy with the way he lives his life.

-Except for his way of speaking. His parents were farmers, so he feels like he’s not as educated as the rest of the trainers. He doesn’t like that he’s not as eloquent as the others. Sometimes his accent gets really thick and he feels stupid for talking the way that he does.

Nessa:

-She’s also very confident in herself. She’s comfortable in her own body and she’s loved by many.

-But the people of Hulbury can be very bullheaded. There are still some old men that shout at her from the streets that she should be at home instead of engaging in pokemon battles. Sometimes she feels strange about being the gym leader and a woman. It doesn’t last long, though.

Kabu:

-He’s from Hoenn. He often feels out of place in Galar. He feels like he looks, acts and even speaks differently than everyone else. Some people blatantly talk about him assuming he doesn’t know their language.

-The customs he grew up with are so different than the ones in Galar. There are habits he just can’t shake from his home region. He worries that it makes him look rude, ignorant and foreign. He just wants to fit in.

Allister:

-His age. He’s the youngest gym leader in Galar by far so people tend to baby him. Sometimes challengers will see him and ask for the “real” gym leader. It makes him angry and uncomfortable and he’s too soft spoken to just tell them to shut up.

-His type specialty is another insecurity of his. People spread rumors about him because of it. They try to guess what the accident was that let him speak with ghosts. It’s by far the most uncomfortable conversation he has with bold challengers and interviewers. He hates how out of place it makes him feel.

Bea:

-She tries to focus on herself more than what other people think. Because of that, she doesn’t have many insecurities.

-However, she is a little insecure about being a young lady and a fighting type specialist at the same time. She often receives comments from older people about how “she scares away all the boys” and “she’ll never get married if she’s so strong.” She usually doesn’t care, but sometimes when she’s lying awake at night she thinks about it.

Opal:

-She’s old and doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about her.

-When she was younger, though, she was insecure about her nose and how long it was. Boys used to tease her about it, and she tried to hide her face because of it. Now that she’s older and wiser, she realizes that she was perfect the way she was and she wasted a lot of her time hiding from people.

Gordie:

-His mom. He hates sharing a gym with his mom because it feels like he’s still living with her. He feels like some loser that still lives in his mother’s basement and does nothing but laze around and eat snacks all day. He knows it’s not true, but sometimes...

-His hair. When it’s naturally down, it forms this dome like shape. It’s pretty cute if you ask anyone else, but it’s not how he wants it to be. He makes sure to spend extra time styling it so he can look how he wants. He’s worried that his mother hates his hairstyle.

Melony:

-Her fight with her son. She never wants to make her children mad or upset with her. She wants to be able to be their number 1 supporter, but she just can’t get over how Gordie just threw tradition out the window. She worries that people think she’s a bad mother. She’s horrified at the thought that Gordie thinks she’s a bad mother.

-Her weight. She knows she’s a bigger lady, and she usually carries that with pride, but sometimes she catches herself in the mirror and realizes that she’s not the woman she was before having 5 kids. She loves them to death and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but she wishes they didn’t change her figure as much as they did.

Piers: (He’s got a lot)

-His body. He’s not as muscular as the other gym leaders. It’s not that he’s out of shape, but he just doesn’t feel like he can keep up with the others. He knows that his abilities don’t lie in strength, if anything, he’s a gymnast, but still, he feels awkwardly thin compared to the rest of them. It makes him feel like he’s not working hard enough.

-His status. He’s the least popular gym leader by far. People don’t care about Spikemuth because they don’t dynamax. He wonders if people think he’s just being pretentious when he says their battles are more “authentic.” He feels like he’s not a real gym leader, and that he’s just filling in an empty spot.

-His parents and Marnie. He’s embarrassed to admit that his parents abandoned him and his sister. He’s afraid that people think he’s Marnie’s father, and not her brother. He doesn’t like to talk about how he dropped out of school just to feed himself and his sister. Like yeah, he has a GED now, but most of the gym leaders have at least a high school education. He’s afraid to tell people because he’s worried he’ll be blamed for his parents leaving, or that he’ll be accused of abusing Marnie by letting her stay with him.

-His typing. He’s the only dark type gym leader in the world. When gym leaders come to visit Galar, they usually spend most of their time with the gym leader that shares a typing with them. Piers has never had much common ground with gym leaders from other regions.

Raihan:

-His social media presence. He knows he’s always on his phone. He’s worried that one day he literally won’t be able to put it down. He knows that if he just stopped suddenly, people would panic. He doesn’t know how to solve his problem and he’s too scared to tell other people.

-His legs. Damn this dude got skinny ass legs. He knows they’re long and thin and not as muscular as they should be. He tends to not work on them as much as his arms, so he tries to use his hoodie to cover up the difference until he can fix it, but the bagginess of his hoodie only makes it worse.

Leon:

-Hop. He’s constantly thinking about his brother and he’s worried that Hop is going to lose faith in him. He’s insecure about how he doesn’t spend much time with him. He doesn’t want Hop to think he’s a bad brother, or that he hates him. He wants to show Hop that he cares very much for him, but he just doesn’t have the time.

-His clothes. He doesn’t know how to dress himself. He knows this. He’s also sick of being called a baseball clown. But he’s a grown ass man and he’s not going to ask someone for help. He’s the best trainer in Galar, and a celebrity. Maybe if he keeps it up long enough, it’ll become fashionable. He hopes.

#pokemon swsh #ask #anon #pokemon milo #pokemon nessa #pokemon kabu #pokemon bea #pokemon allister #pokemon opal #pokemon gordie #pokemon melony #pokemon pixel art #pokemon raihan #pokemon leon

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allthislove · 4 years ago

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I wanna come back to the affirmative action thing, because I’ve been thinking about it for a while and the shit bothers me, okay?

Racial intelligence is a myth. Positive or negative, this is not a real thing. I’m going to talk about the Model Minority Myth and bit here, and also how Black people, especially Black Americans, are seen as inherently stupider than other people.

On one end of the spectrum, you have Asian people, who do well academically. People talk about them like they’re inherently better at school, or smarter than other people.

On the other end, you have Black people, who are thought of as bad students, stupid, incapable of succeeding in school without the assistance of affirmative action.

Neither point makes much sense, because they ask the person listening to imagine that neither Black nor Asian students have individuality. They can’t succeed or fail because of their own merits, but that their success or failure is because of some thing encoded into their DNA.

In reality, this is socialization. Before I get into this, I wanted to remind the world that Black women are the most educated demographic in America, today, and so what I’m about to talk about is (thankfully) changing, but let’s take a look at what factors help create both of these myths.

Asian families, especially immigrant families, tend to push education. It’s almost a virtue. Getting good grades became important for some Asian immigrants because they wanted their children to have their best chance. Immigration is hard. Many immigrants (not just Asian immigrants) come here and have to completely start over. Degrees they earned in their home countries sometimes become useless, here, especially if they’re not fluent in English. They often came to this country and had to initially work very menial, hard labor or dirty task jobs that Americans didn’t want. So, they pushed for their children to do well academically, so that they could become something better when they grew up.

So, right from the start, Asian parents are pushing for their kids to do extremely well in school.

What happened to Black kids, then? People never seem to tell the full story, here, but when I thought about it, it was obvious. I’m working on a play, right now, about Black people in the American South around the time of the first World War. The main character is a young Black woman who “finished” school at the 8th grade level because there wasn’t a school that taught Black people after that in her area. This wasn’t just some random thing I made up for my play. This is the situation that Black people lived in for a very long time, after Emancipation. While some HBCUs were being founded (thought many of them were initially just seminaries or agricultural schools) many parts of the country just didn’t have places where Black people could learn after a certain point. Couple that with a country that really doesn’t give a crap if Black people get good educations and education just never really became the most important thing, for us.

Black people valued a lot. We valued our stories. We valued our culture, which we built ourselves because most of our original cultures were stolen from us. We valued music. But, we never got a chance to be socialized to value education, because education was not available to us. And then when it was, it was often subpar.

So, right away, you have two completely different situations. One group, largely immigrants who have everything to lose and access to education; education being one of the main reasons to even come here. One group, brought here on slave ships, enslaved, freed, and then kept from good education for decades, if not an actual century.

The other factor in Asian academic excellence is that, especially at the college level, you have the top students coming to the US specifically to study at American universities. So, already, you’re skewing the numbers.

Anyway. So, Black people weren’t socialized to treat education with the reverence that many immigrant families do. So, once we started to get better access to education by the mid 1960s, most Black people just didn’t find it to be a virtuous thing to have good grades. Good or bad grades are just a thing. Don’t get me wrong. Black parents still get happy when their kids get an A, and upset when their kids get an F. But it was never treated as this all-encompassing thing. It just is what it is.

Couple that with, you know... a lot of socioeconomic factors that a lot of Black people still live in, and grades and scores just aren’t that important.

The thing is, that is shifting. A lot. Like, almost the sharpest course correction Black Americans could have. As I mentioned before, Black women are the most educated demographic in America, now. Why did this happen? I’m not exactly sure. A lot of people credit the emergence of images of Black success on TV in the 80s with shows like The Cosby Show and A Different World with sparking this shift. More Black kids saw that it was possible and therefore more Black kids went to college. The thing, though, is that that’s still mostly Millennials and Gen-Z. Meaning barely 1 generation of Black people have started to become more educated. Which also means, like... we haven’t had the time to see what the impact of this is going to be.

The Model Minority Myth for Asians is decades old. Black people even being able to go to PWIs is shorter than the Model Minority Myth.

I guess what I’m trying to say is... Black people aren’t more educated because education went easier on us than other people. We’re more educated because we’re capable, and we never were not capable.

Again, affirmative action makes sure you’re not overlooked because of your race. It doesn’t magically create a spot for you just because you’re Black, and especially not because you’re Black in spite of you being undeserving. And the other thing Affirmative Action doesn’t do is change your grades. If a Black student earned a 4.0, they earned the same 4.0 as and Asian student with a 4.0. Black students succeed or fail on their own merit, not because they’re Black.

And as for poverty... poverty is incredibly difficult to escape, no matter your race. I’m not the best person to speak on Black poverty, because I’m not poor and I grew up comfortably middle class with two college educated and professional parents, so yeah, but I can say that because I grew up like that, it was far easier for me to go to any 4 year college and earn any degree I wanted than it will be for some poor kid living in the projects with a single parent with a GED. I’m not sure why people act like Black poor people are an example of why Black people are inherently bad or stupid. First of all, you can be incredibly good and incredibly smart and still live in the projects and be poor. Second of all, the existence of bad people in the Black race doesn’t mean that all or even most Black people are bad. Third of all, nobody is stupid, and if they seem “stupid” to you, something else is going on. A lack of education. A cognitive disability. Something. “Stupid”, like “crazy”, is a dismissive, and often ableist, word, and basically means nothing.

And since I brought up the Model Minority Myth, I think I should mention that it’s also very harmful to Asian people, especially students. One, it’s dehumanizing, and makes people hold Asian people to impossible standards that obviously every Asian person can’t meet. And two, it misses the experiences of Asian people who didn’t come here for academic reasons, many of whom don’t have the same “education as a virtue” thing that many specifically East Asian or Indian immigrants have. Like, people who came here as refugees instead of exchange students. Many of those people find that they get left behind by the myth, teachers offer them less help because they’re Asian and are supposed to be “smarter than everyone else”, and they end up falling into a sort of gap. Many of them drop out, and the cycle of poverty continues. And I guess a third, big problem is that it makes colleges and universities judge Asian applicants more harshly and hold them to a higher standard than everyone else, which means that unless you’re a high flying Asian overachiever, you might have a harder time getting into college than your white or Black friends.

So, anyway, what I’m saying is that assigning a certain intelligence level to someone based on their race is bad and like... America really has a big problem with race and we need to fix it.

Also, we need to do better, as a whole, about understanding why we have the misconceptions that we have. It’s really frustrating, for me, to constantly feel like I have to prove I’m not stupid to strangers because they all assume I am because I’m Black. Or at least less intelligent than they are. And to have to defend my two degrees constantly because old Duck Dynasty looking white guys think I didn’t earn them because of affirmative action. To have to constantly explain that a Black person’s A is the same A as anyone else in the class, because, while teachers do sometimes grade on a curve, it’s not given racially. And that if you answer a question correctly, it’s correct. And if you solve an equation correctly, you solved it correctly. And that the answer doesn’t change for Black people, and that the work isn’t easier.

And I think people know that it doesn’t make sense, because when you think about it logically, it doesn’t make sense that one group of people is inherently stupid or that another is inherently smart. We understand individuals. We know lots of people, each of us. We know someone who isn’t bright at all, we know someone who is incredibly smart, we know some people like this who are the same race as each other, and even the same race as us. We know they’re different because they’re individual people, and that they don’t represent our entire race. So, why, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, can we not... as a society... yet understand that race effects our conditions, but does not dictate the type of person we are in the slightest?? Good, bad, smart, pretty, not smart, ugly, short, tall, funny, boring, brave, scared, energetic, whatever the hell... THESE ARE TRAITS THAT MAKE UP INDIVIDUALS, NOT RACES. Race is a lie we tell ourselves to explain why certain people share certain physically features and/or geography. Nothing more. We have built entire societies around this lie, and like... I’m not naive enough to think that race will no longer be a factor any time soon. Some people are far too hung up on their racism for us to truly move on as a society. But I also know that, for us to begin the process of moving on from it, we have to be honest about how it has shaped our society and stop this thing of blaming people for the conditions the society forced on them and how it affected them through the generations.

This was a lot, and I’m not sure if it’s clear, but yeah. All of this shit is more complicated than you want it to be, and people don’t fit neatly into little stereotype boxes. You have to get that shit out of your head and learn to both see individuals AND understand how history shapes our present reality.

#racism #the dreaded affirmative action conversation #the model minority myth #BLM #BIPOC #BIPOC thoughts

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therisinggear · 5 years ago

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Ghost Of a Chance. Chapter 1

A Ghost of a Chance!: The Ghost Queen's Slaughter!

~Amity Park- Three years ago~

The town of Amity Park, a town tied to the paranormal. Ghosts from other dimensions have invaded the living plane of existence time and time again. Most are just relatively normal people. While others are, for lack of a better term Supervillains. Because of the influx of evil ghosts, one young hero fought to keep the peace.

Danny Fenton was just fourteen when his parents built a very strange machine. The Ghost Portal, It was designed to view a world unseen. During its test run, it failed to activate and it was left to collect dust in its parent's lab.

One day on a dare from his friends made him put on a Jumpsuit and go inside it. "I still think this is a REALLY bad idea, Sam! Have you ever even seen The Fly?" Danny tells her before he accidentally presses the On button, activating the portal with him inside with the help of this horrifyingly dangerous design flaw. With a bright green glow, Danny's screams in agony. His friend Tucker holds Sam back when she tries to run in and get Danny out. "NO STOP IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!!" Tucker screams at her.

"LET ME GO TUCKER If We Don't DO ANYTHING DANNY IS GOING TO DIE!!" Sam screams as she kicks Tucker in the stomach. He drops to the floor with the wind knocked out of him. A changed Danny stumbles out, staggered by the experience. His black hair is now snow white and his blue eyes now glowing green. The white/Black jumpsuit had its colors inverted.

After that Life changing day, Danny gained the abilities of a ghost. While learning his new abilities became a hero. At one point even saved the earth with every ghost he ever fought.

~Three years Later~

After fighting ghosts for three whole years, Amity Park has had ghosts become an everyday part of life. With Danny becoming a literal symbol of Ghost and Humans working well together, Ghost has been given rights as citizens. Some of Danny's old enemies gave up antagonizing humans and got real jobs.

Sidney Poindexter got his GED and became an Anti-bully activist. He actively reduced bullying in schools by telling kids how he took his own life because of it.

The Hothead Ember Mclain made it big as a legitimate performer with a record deal. She may even be going platinum soon.

Hell, even The Box Ghost got a job with FedEx.

One day, Danny was out buying new college prep books when he spotted another one of his old enemies in the coffee shop, looking depressed. Desiree the wishing ghost is waiting for her coffee, dressed in a suit. She appears worried about something, checking her watch.

"Oh boy this can't be good." He mumbled to himself, trying not to draw her attention. He starts to feel sorry when she pays for her coffee. A heartbroken Desiree just stares blankly at her phone. Soon she spots him in the distance and politely waves while grinding her teeth. "Fantastic, My date stands me up and now I have to deal with the Phantom boy!"

"Oh man, I'm so going to regret this later." He awkwardly waves back at her before gesturing to her he is leaving. Danny walks away with a sigh of relief. "Talk about awkward running into a former enemy!" Without paying attention he bumps into Desiree. "Ahem!"

Danny would have jumped in shock if his Ghost Sense didn't already let him know she was right in front of him. Desiree looks down at him with her arms crossed. "What do you want, Phantom?" An enraged scowl on her face before she notices the books in his hand. "Oh, you didn't come for me!" She calms down a bit and even laughs. "Forgive me, I've not been in the best of moods."

Danny laughs, nearly dropping his books. "I was just as surprised to see you, Desiree! I almost went ghost like the old days out of habit." The former adversaries laugh at the whole situation. "So how are you, Desiree? By the get up I'm assuming you've gone legit like a lot of other ghosts."

"Yes I passed the bar exam and I'm now a lawyer." She clarifies with pride written on her face. "I happened to order two coffees and my date decided not to show up, care to join me?"

Both of them return to the coffee shop and have a friendly conversation, like the hostilities of their past is now gone."Your date sounds like a real dumbass to stand you up. So you chose to be a lawyer? I have to admit I never saw that one coming. The Box Ghost working at FedEx I saw a mile away, but this takes me by surprise." The ghost boy admits to her.

"In the last three years, I've tried many different jobs but being a Lawyer had the most appeal, so I committed to law school. Getting a GED was the First real challenge because the last time I had a formal education was two-thousand years ago. " She points at Danny's books while taking a sip. "So how about you Phantom? You look like you are getting serious in your studies in these peaceful times."

"I want to be an astronaut one day and with the lack of Ghost fighting, I've had more time to study for it. Good riddance too, I never really liked all the non-stop fighting anyway. Like the first time we fought, You kicked my butt big time before I made a wish."

"I hope one day my wishes can come true," Desiree mumbled to herself with some regret. "The one thing I can never have."

"Your own Kingdom if I remember that gypsy's story right." Danny muses out loud. Desiree shakes her head with a sad look on her face.

"That was just a superficial legend, not the real story. What I really wish for is something I never had."

~Fenton labs~

Four years after Danny got his powers from the ghost portal, the constant battles always took their toll on him every time but he always bounced back. From the Box ghost to the former ghost King, he always came back stronger. However, he might have his hands full this time. His many enemies began the unthinkable. They somehow found a way to make his ability to feel the incoming presence of another ghost useless. Under the command of the new Ghost Queen, they went after his friends and family one by one.

Wave after wave of the Ghost Queen's minions worn the now eighteen-year-old ghost boy down. Soon he was overpowered by her most fearsome henchmen, Beaten to the point he could not fight back.

He is on his knees in a Burning laboratory as his two most powerful foes looming above him. The Fright Knight, the spirit of Halloween and an evil older copy of himself from another timeline called Dark Danny. "Games over kid it's been over before it even began!" His evil parallel self-boast. Dark Danny lifts Danny by the neck, strangling his younger self while charging up a blast in his other hand. Danny is too beaten and bloody to fight back. "Time to DIE!!"

Danny almost gets blasted through the stomach before the Fright Knight cuts Dark Danny's arm off. "Her Highness the Queen ordered us to bring him to her alive!!" The Knight snarls at his partner. An enraged Dark Danny throws a swing before the Fright Knight has a blast aimed at his head. "And I've been given the freedom to eliminate you if I see fit!"

Dark Danny stops baring his teeth at the knight and regains his cool. "You know, I liked it better when you served me in my timeline." He drops Danny and reattaches his arm.

A terrified Danny tries to crawl away but is too gravely injured to get far. "D-Danny?" His sister Jazz is buried under rubble, in tears and reaching out to him as she bleeds out. Dark Danny picks Jazz up off the ground by the hair. A sadistic smirk on his face as he looks down at Danny. "Hello sis, miss me?" Jazz spits blood in his face as a last act of defiance. "Go To Hell!"

"You're already here Jazz, and you are about to meet the devil herself?" He puts her in an ectoplasmic bubble along with Danny. "Lucky for you, she did say to bring at least one living family member."

He waves his hand to make a Ghost Portal.

~Ghost Zone~

The two villains enter it, on the other side is a massive palace in the Ghost Zone. Various ghosts and humans on their knees in the throne room. A ghostly servant blows a horn, "Presenting The new Ghost Queen! Her Highness Queen..." A tall busty woman with an hourglass figure walks down a dark corridor, her red eyes shine in the darkness before she enters the light. Her skin is brown with glowing veins marks all over her arms, veins that change between red blue yellow and green. "...Desiree!"

The (Former) Wishing Ghost sets on her new throne, giving Danny a lustful leer. "Bring him closer and release him." She orders her henchmen, her eyes never leaving the ghost boy. Dark Danny makes his Ecto-Bubble vanish, he kicks his younger counterpart towards the foot of Desiree's throne. The barely conscious Danny can't keep his eyes open as The Ghost Queen gingerly caresses his face. "And I had this grand speech planned and you deliver him to me almost dead!?"

Dark Danny laughs smugly with fangs before a look of rage takes over him. He is looking at his hand as he is being removed from existence in green fire. "We had a deal! I give you what you want, you give me what I want!", He screams.

Desiree picks Danny up bridal style, her expression is cold as she glares at Dark Danny. "Your results are unsatisfactory, enjoy existing no more." Dark Danny disappears, vanishing within the flames.

~Hours later~

Danny wakes up in a large bed with all his injuries healed. "Where am I?!" He gets out of the bed only to fall on his face, his legs feel like jelly. "Oh great, I'm in enemy territory and I can't walk or go ghost!" Arms wrap around him as a pair of soft lips kissed him on the cheek. He spots the Ring of Rage on her finger. He sees Desiree's new look like she is almost human again. The flaming crown of her head gives him a clue, much to his horror.

"The numbness will subside in time, but you need to rest," Desiree whispers into his ear, her embrace getting tighter when Danny struggles to get loose. "Desiree, is this really you? What did you do to yourself!?"

She puts him back in the bed. Danny then remembers Jazz was with him. "Jazz, what did you do to her?!", He shouts at her.

"Healed up and resting in another room. As for what I did to myself..." She puts her right hand up to Danny so he can see the glowing Ring. "...I transcended beyond a ghost or my original humanity, with the power of the former ghost king's ring and crown."

Danny looks at her with abstract terror. "You took those from him?! Do you have any idea what those can do?! If your not careful you can destroy the whole ghost zone and the earth along with it!"

"Worth the risk, I am making an empire, one where ghosts and Humans can be equals. I'm just about finished all I need now is..." Queen Desiree forces him down onto the bed, She Kisses Danny while holding him down. She moans loudly, forcing her tongue down his thought. "...a king to rule beside me!~"

All Danny can say is a flat, "W-What the fuck!? Those things are making you crazy!" His eyes were wide with shock and confusion. "What does this have to do with me anyway?!"

Desiree while still on top smiles warmly, laying next to him. "It's Very simple Danny.~" Her voice is sweet, yet has an undertone of insanity. "You and I marry then rule a glorious empire as Husband and Wife."

"I'm a little young for you, don't you think? I only just turned eighteen." He asks Desiree with a sliver of fear.

"TIME OUT!!"

Time is frozen in place and when it starts Danny is gone. "Oh, no Worries Your of age now. Wait..." The Ghost Queen looks around the room before flinging into a rage. She fires a blast that destroys a wall. "Clockwork!"

Queen Desiree flies out so fast she makes a sonic boom.

~Clockwork's Realm~

Clockwork the master of time opens up a portal in time. A weakened and injured Danny has a Time medallion on him. "If you wish to Save all of the creation, go now!" The normally calm Master of time screams in panic.

Danny limps into the Time portal and in a flash of light is gone. "DANNY!!!" The Ghost Queen screams blows open the wall. *BOOM!* She conjures skeletal arms to bind Clockwork and depower him. "Clockwork Your queen has questions regarding her consort! Return him to me and I'll show you mercy and even forgive your crimes!"

"Danny is already gone and you can't get to him. You may be seemingly omnipotent with the power of the Ghost King but even You have no power over time!" Desiree blasts him into oblivion, leaving no trace of Clockwork. With a snap of her finger, The Fright Knight is Summoned.

"Follow Danny and bring him to me no matter the cost!"

"At once your majesty!" Her knight with his orders enters the portal.

Queen Desiree descends into maniacal laughter. "I will have you, Danny! Even if I have to rip apart time and space! So I wish it so shall it be!!"

#Danny Phantom #fanfic #hartfanart

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silencedsonatas · 5 years ago

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petra nikonova is an americanized version of her name that she had to assume because of her aunt who is now her guardian. her aunt is her father’s sister but unlike her dad, her aunt took off from russia at literally the earliest convenience, marrying the first person who could take her far away from russia and all of its corrupted politics and general state of ‘shoddiness’ as she calls it. her aunt is also a black widow having killed three of her four husbands in the last decade. her aunt has been married a total of seven times. the first died naturally, the second and third were divorces.

her aunt has control of petra’s rather impressive inheritance which is a combination of her father’s business profits, her mother’s (minor) inheritances from the titled side of the family, all of the proceeds of petra’s performances and compositions – she still composes and publishes (she writes mainly pianist pieces though has written a couple of orchestra pieces and is working on an opera off and on though it’s mostly in her head). her manager still retains a large percentage of her profits though her aunt is trying to fight that ‘on petra’s behalf’. petra never performs in front of anyone. ever. ever ever. she literally has such stage fright and true terror of performing in front of anyone ever again that she physically freezes and her head spins and she can’t breathe and the walls close in and all of that manner of reaction. she also still has night terrors regarding performances, regarding her parent’s death, regarding her various suicide attempts.

she has attempted suicide three times. the first was a year after her parent’s death, approximately at around age fourteen when she took a bucco of sleeping pills with a fifth of vodka and slit her forearms from pretty close to wrist to elbow. she tried again in the asylum in russia by hanging herself. a year and a half or so later after being trapped under the aunt’s thumb she overdosed again // still isn’t quite sure herself if it was intentional or not. she half has the idea that she is immortal, that Death itself doesn’t want her. she is also incredibly self conscious of the scars on her arms and keeps them covered almost every single moment of the day, waking or not, whether by sleeves, fingerless gloves, that sort of measures.

in terms of wardrobe she wears a haphazard combination of most of whatever she happens to grab hold of. she is the epitome of glitter grunge. she will wear ten dollar jeans with a two dollar tank top from goodwill and a ratty sweater that belonged to her dad for twenty years with six hundred dollar shoes and a twenty thousand dollar necklace and not even think about it / bat an eye or care. makeup is a constant but it’s just as much a mess and mix. nails are always kept short to keep from getting in the way of her playing but usually painted (chipped of course) and ink stained.

she is usually a mess of bruises of one kind or another whether it’s from shooting up or getting into a fight or a fist fight with her current fuck boy that got pissed at her for whatever fucking reason under the sun. she has a horrible horrible horrible horrible history with relationships. she doesn’t believe in them. people die people leave people beat her up people abuse her use her take her money steal her drugs lock her up you name it. she has maybe one or two friends in the mass of humanity and they had better be well used to her absolute bipolar madness that is only made worse with her drug use and addiction of the month. fickle is her middle name, but let’s be real if you get under her skin and into that one little tiny miniscule part of her heart she will literally fight tooth and nail for you and will do anything to keep you safe (from anybody but herself honestly…) and would literally die if it meant you’d be ok. this is not something that most people would ever get the chance to see or know but because this is the rp world it’d probably more likely that a larger number of plots will creep into that role because i can…

she also totally needs fuck buddies and enemies and people that abuse the fuck out of her because… again… i can

she is always listening to music. she reads everything and anything and almost always has a book shoved into her purse or back pocket or backpack. she speaks at least five or six languages. she hates math but she’s really good at it but she’ll never admit it. wickedly intelligent. never EVER uses contractions, it’s a huge huge huge pet peeve. always has a russian accent when she speaks english because it pisses off her aunt but she’s absolutely capable of speaking perfect and flawlessly, accent free at her whim. she’s also got an amazing singing voice, and if you get her drunk or high enough she will serenade you or kick ass at karaoke.

she loves animals but refuses to keep any because she knows she is entirely incapable of that amount of responsibility.

she has dropped out of school. she could easily get her ged and even probably test out of a lot of subjects at a collegiate level even in her teen / late teen verse and even without her formal education via public schools or anything. she did have private tutors with her manager and on tour and such which was a wonderful experience for her because she was so so hungry for knowledge but she can’t stand going to school with the idiots that are the mainstream american teen and she cannot stand the teaching to the lowest common denominators so she just doesn’t bother. if anyone bothers to ask her aunt says she is being homeschooled with private tutors and what not and, there was some attempt at making that a reality but after her aunt walked in on petra and her tutor banging in the manor’s library, that was discontinued.

on that note as far as sex goes any pretense of being a good girl has never really been a thing for petra. she was molested and abused by her manager, whom she was given over to at the age of seven when she was being pushed into performing and writing and studying and just very very very much being pushed to excel in every way with her musical abilities. she saw her parents on very few occasions, holidays and when she was on vacation from classes, and whenever they decided they wanted to come see her perform. they were not lacking for money by a long shot – her father had seized a number of businesses when everything fell apart and was making a killing financially, her mother was a noble (minor title) – they were just very busy and very focused on their own lives —- which is not to say they didn’t dote on petra, because they did, they just thought they were doing what was best for her by letting her throw herself into her passion.

unfortunately with no other continuous adult supervision, her blossoming mental and emotional instabilities and the control (physical, mental, emotional, financial) that her manager had over her, she never reached out or acknowledged anything in regards to the abuse even after she was abandoned by him and even during her time in the institution and after. ie she’s never told anyone. her parents died when she was thirteen on the way to a grand premiere performance at a renowned hall (have to do some research to see if i can remember which one i’d settled on). they were run off the road by another car. it was believed an accident but it was actually a hit by one of her father’s business partners [ she has never learned this so she blames herself entirely ] and her parents were rushed to a hospital nearby where she was performing. her manager was informed, but he chose not to inform her until after her portion of the performance. she arrived at the hospital basically in time to sit with her father for a few minutes before he died. her mother had died in the interim.

she was institutionalized a year later after her manager gave up his custody of her due to the fact that she would not perform and would not compose and refused to do anything in terms of her music for anyone // combined with the fact that she was now reaching mid-teens, he had no more use for her and dropped her like a hot potato when she tried to kill herself.

in terms of sexuality as a whole, she gives no cares at all for anything in terms of morality. she sleeps with anyone she wants, or anyone (mostly) that wants to sleep with her if she can get something out of them, or if she needs a place to crash, or a ride from one end of town to the other, or finds them attractive or is high and doesn’t care. she’ll sleep with men or women, girls, boys, one, two, many. the more it hurts, the more she feels the better she likes it, which means especially when she’s high on something like ecstasy or heroin. she drinks, like all the time, but she laughs it off as saying she’s russian its vodka which means its like americans and water.

she has scripts for medications for her bipolar depressive disorder and acute anxiety, add, etc. but she really only fills them so she can sell the or for things like her sleep meds when she really needs to crash out she’ll take a handful, she’ll take a handful of her add meds to stay awake and buys scripts for pain meds on a constant basis to level out any other high or crash etc. etc.

she likes sleeping with older men, married ones, married ones with families especially, though she is just as happy to fuck him and his wife if that’s his thing. she likes fucking angry men too, teen or above, and she definitely definitely pushes everybody’s buttons just daring them to beat the shit out of her and/or have their way with her. she is the type that can be on the ground, the guy on top of her, fucking her and throttling her / and or literally punching her for sassing off and she’d just laugh and spit the blood back in their faces. she is rarely likely to call anything with a guy a ‘relationship’

she’s definitely not as violent seeking instinctively when it comes to females she’s just as masochistic with them if the opportunity presents itself. she does tend to be less angsty / violent / sadistic towards anyone of the female persuasion that she sleeps with, and is definitely more likely to have a repeat performance combined with something that resembles a friendship before during and or after the fact.

she has zero problems being somebody’s fucktoy and encourages age gaps in her own relationships but. if it ever came to her attention that somebody was messing with a kid / their kid / somebody else’s kid (and it probably has given the type of people she usually opts to hang out with) it will not end well. as in, in different rps over the years, she’s hired hitmen and or people to castrate people sexually abusing children. physically, she might not hire someone to KILL them but she probably finds a way to encourage a few guys to give the asshole a taste of their own medicine (ironically, unless it’s her aunt who does still physically abuse petra when petra is around and doesn’t do what she wants)

she encourages corruption of self and others, outside of that one area, however and is a hedonist in all things. despite her roman catholic upbringing / because of her roman catholic upbringing she hates religion and, not surprisingly, thinks that if there is a god he’s an absolute asshole and should basically fuck off and die. she has a branding of a pentacle on the back on her neck, following the junction of neck and shoulders about three inches high in almost every verse. she has a multitude of piercings and some tattoos (they tend to vary a lot on verse specific things).

#HEADCANON.#BIOGRAPHY.

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prettymuchdeadalready · 5 years ago

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100 Important Character Questions

Here’s looking at you kid, @wexarethewalkingxdead !! XD They’ll be below the cut due to length. {{ I despise ‘read mores’ except that it’s so fucking long! XD }}

1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS

taken from beth kinderman and nikki walker’s the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a character’s background, personality, and general aspects.

PART 1: THE BASICS

· What is your full name? :: Bobby Autumn Monroe

· Where and when were you born? :: Atlanta, Georgia at Grace Memorial at 4am on a Sunday.

· Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) :: Maryann JoMarie Monroe (nee Tippins) and Franklin Roosevelt Monroe ;; mama was a stay at home mother who became an addict to opiates and papa was a worker at the mill in Powder Springs, which was a HUGE (in his mind because he always resented it) drive from where they lived on the outskirts of Atlanta in a little cabin home one a sparce patch of land just outside a trailer park beside the woods. Mama was a strong woman who grew weak after nears of being beaten and bloodied by her drunk mean husband; having 3 kids kept her strong to a degree, however, for as long as she could be, trying to keep his attention on her and away from her kids. When she died (Bobby who was the eldest of them by 15 minutes) that all changed; Michael trying to draw the majority of the brutality because he was the boy and his father always was trying to beat on the girls when given little to no reason at all, even.

· Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? :: Michael Henry Monroe and Katherine Emberlynn Monroe, in chronological order of birth after Bobby. Michael is an EMT on staff with New York Presbyterian Hospital, which is also Columbia University’s training hospital. Katherine is an aspiring actress in the LA area of California.

· Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. :: Bobby has never left Georgia. The only time she does is when the group moves on after season 4. She doesn’t know why she’s never left before, not even to visit her siblings that left her behind, but she always feels like, as the big sister, it’s her job to maintain a home for them to come back to, should they ever need it.

· What is your occupation? :: Bobby is an ER nurse with Grace Fulton Memorial Hospital and regularly assists with trauma cases.

· Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. :: Height is 5’4. (Smol but mighty!) Weight fluctuates from 115 to 120 pounds depending on the time of year and stressors in her life; okay, maybe 124, but not an ounce more! She swears. Bobby is Caucasian American. Hair is an auburn brunet. Eyes are chocolate brown; when she is angry they appear almost amber in tone, and when sexually aroused they usually darken to an almost black. Her fashion sense is usually tomboy, wearing jeans and tee shirts; sometimes a little sporty with tight running pants, spandex or loose shorts, and tank tops. Bobby only has one tattoo that transcends any and all verses she might have: a black rose with three drips of blood on the petals, one at the end nearly ready to drop off, at the small of her back which reminds her of the fragility of life and death and the ever presence of the latter, the pain and struggle symbolized by the blood droplets on the petals. She has a long scar that runs the length of the space between where the band on her bra would rest down to her love handle, on the edge where her side meets her back – given to her by an abusive ex that was just like her father when drunk, only worse because he was legitimately a highly functioning and violently brutal psychopath and burn marks on her upper back/right shoulder blade and left outer thigh from where her father and her ex had their fun using her as an ashtray.

· To which social class do you belong? :: Middle class. Working class.

· Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? :: Maryanne had carpal tunnel and severe arthritis in her left arm from it being broken a couple times by her lovely husband. After her mother died Bobby was cooking dinner one night and her father, who had been drinking all evening from end of work until right that moment, picked up his hammer and hit Bobby in the upper left arm twice, hard. She had to wear a cast for two months (part of that time an extension after being thrown against the wall another separate night that shattered the first incarnation of the cast) to heal the broken bone. Thus, sometimes when its too cold she has bouts where her left arm is weak, not able to carry heavy things, and there was minimal nerve damage in the hand as a result which means she can’t always feel too hot, or too cold. This does not impair her job as she isn’t responsible for surgery where the steadiest of hands are needed; thankfully Bobby’s aid in the field is at most a needle and thread for mending/stitches, of which she can do with her dominant hand.

· Are you right- or left-handed? :: Right handed.

· What does your voice sound like? :: Natalie Portman.

· What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? :: Y’all. Jesus Harold Christ on crooked crutches. Jiminy Christmas. Calm down there Satan.

· What do you have in your pockets? :: A pocket knife with combination of other fold out tools. Mini canister of mace. Car and house keys in some verses. Apocalypse verses she sometimes carries car keys.

· Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? :: Bobby doesn’t consider anything she does as strange or annoying but just ask one of the people she considers family and he would say she talks too damn much. At least the other man in her life appreciates that she knows how to turn out the lights…

PART 2: GROWING UP

· How would you describe your childhood in general? :: Stressful. Her days were constantly spent fearing what would happen when daddy got home, what mood would he be in, what would he do, would he just hurt mama or would he come after her and her siblings too…? Bobby grew up worrying about things no child should ever have to worry about or fear.

· What is your earliest memory? :: Bobby doesn’t know for sure if this is a memory or some part of her subconscious trying to bring her peace, but in the quiet moments when she closes her eyes she can hear her mother’s voice softly singing to her as she’s being held, cradled in safe arms with worn delicate hands gently rubbing her back. “Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and wouldn’t you love to love her…? Takes to the sky like a bird in flight and…who will be her lover? All your life you’ve never seen a woman…taken by the wind…”

· How much schooling have you had? :: Bobby went through two years of high school before she was forced to drop out to care for her other siblings and make sure they got the best lives possible. It wasn’t perfect anyway, but she tried. She went back and got her GED when she turned 21. Immediately upon her father dying ( when she turned 19 ) she began putting some money away toward furthering her own education, enrolling in community college once her GED came through. She got a bachelor’s degree in science and biology, and earned certification and licensure as an EMT and trauma nurse.

· Did you enjoy school? :: Bobby loved school. It was the only thing she could do outside the house that was usually constant and unbreakable, a schedule that the state decided for children and one her father couldn’t stop. This was she could be free of the worries and fears that usually plagued her days and simultaneously learn things about the world at large, all around her and beyond. It was refreshing and awe inspiring.

· Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? :: Anything she didn’t learn from her mother and her father ( positive or not ) she learned from school and the teachers and children in that environment.

· While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. :: The only role model Bobby had growing up was her mother, Maryanne. Mama taught her the strength and the tenacity she needed to make it in the world, both in her father’s house, and later.

· While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? :: Bobby and her mother started as adult to child relationship and then at the end when her mother was dying Bobby became an almost equal to her mother, taking care of her and herself and the siblings she had. Likewise, with her siblings, it was mostly a jovial peer to peer relationship ( and what sibling relationship was complete without the occasional fight and attempted murder ), which eventually merged into a motherly feeling over them, protective of them when their mother passed. Her relationship with her father was always strained, always wary and tumultuous and it only worsened when Maryanne died. He became more possessive of the kids and Bobby feared being raped or sexually abused by him after a time ( she looked more like her mother than Kath did ) as he would get drunk and beat her, yelling things like ‘how dare you leave me’ and ‘I’ll show you something to cry about you weak whore.’ That relationship was strained and haunted until the day he died.

· As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? :: She wanted to be an astronaut or a pirate. Anything that could take her far far away from where she was and keep her safe, eventually far enough to make her happy in life.

· As a child, what were your favorite activities? :: Anything Bobby could do outside the house. She spent AGES outside in the woods, roaming with nowhere in her mind to go in particular; she could sit on a stump deep in the sea of green and just space out, let her mind wander for hours. She would try to fish. She made friends with small woodland creatures like something out of a Disney film. She sometimes sat alone out there all night, looking up into the moon under a blanket of stars and a bed made of fallen leaves and long grass.

· As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? :: As a child, Bobby was pretty devoid of personality; at least when she was at home. At home and when she was alone she was quiet, too quiet. A mousy brown haired brown eyed little girl with nothing to say and who would lay low on purpose, anything not to catch her father’s attention. Outside of the house she often put on a brave face, smiling and laughing and acting like nothing was wrong. Sometimes she could even forget that she was a victim of domestic violence and forget her usual invisible act, coming out of herself and being herself, talkative ( almost too much talking for some ) and bright. Her light shines bright from within her and her strength and perseverance really show in her eyes.

· As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? :: Bobby was not a popular kid at school. She often sat alone or with her siblings. Even the losers didn’t want to sit with them because everyone knew what the Monroe home life was like and who their father was, what he did to them and their mother. No one would claim them as friends, at least not outwardly or in public.

· When and with whom was your first kiss? :: Daniel Dunn was her first kiss in most all her verses. He was a messed up kid, a psychopath that was highly functioning and much too sadistic, even as far as most psychopaths are concerned. He used her and abused her for most of her young adult years, as her father had her mother. ( What was it they said about emulating what you saw as a child and being doomed to repeat it…? ) In one of her verses she has known Daryl Dixon all of her life and he is her first kiss…her first everything.

· Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? :: Same as the question above to be honest. Most of her verses features Daniel Dunn in that role, as fucked up and cruel as that is, and in the one it’s Daryl Dixon.

· If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. :: Bobby was definitely informed by her childhood and her mother’s and father’s relationship as far as what kind of person she wanted to become. She would consciously always pick a path that led her to be her mother, kind and sweet and a pure heart with passion despite being regularly beaten down and broken by outside influences because of her goodness. She was also inspired to become a trauma nurse thanks to all the times she had to help fix up her mom, her siblings and herself over the years, some of the things she’d come into schooling being self-taught after a bad couple of nights.

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

· What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? :: The night Dan almost killed her and she survived, barely, to be present and the star witness at the trial that would send him to prison for at least 20 years for attempted premeditated murder. And every so many years when probation is brought before the review board, release for good behavior, she makes sure she’s available to speak. She even takes the day off work to make sure she can go down and make herself and her story with him heard.

· Who has had the most influence on you? :: Mama.

· What do you consider your greatest achievement? :: Bouncing back from being a high school dropout ( even though her reasoning was perfectly acceptable and understandable ), getting her GED and her degrees. Putting herself first. Finally.

· What is your greatest regret? :: Bobby blames herself for her mother’s death. Obviously her mother became addicted to opioids and died of an aortic rupture, which were things no little girl could have realistically been able to help or prevent. Nonetheless she thinks, and has believed all her life that maybe she wasn’t strong enough to help her mother through the worst of their lives, to survive past it and watch her babies grow up and succeed in the way their mama had always wanted and hoped.

· What is the most evil thing you have ever done? :: Bobby pulled the wings off a fly once. Another time she pulled the back legs off of a grasshopper. It was, in her mind ( at least as a pretense ) all for science, but some psychologists and therapists might think otherwise.

· Do you have a criminal record of any kind? :: Bobby has gotten arrested a couple times, all for misdemeanor things like stealing a candy bar from a convenience store and for indecent exposure in her small town when she was caught with her pants down around the bend, side of the road, peeing in the brush while drunk.

· When was the time you were the most frightened? :: Bobby was frightened to the same extent twice in her life. The first when her mother was being beaten for the last time ( which was also the night she died ) and when Bobby herself was being beaten and broken and nearly killed by Dan.

· What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? :: When she was 15 ( which is not a legal age of consent and no, I do not condone anything happening to minors, this is just FICTION ) she was being diddled by Dan in the back seat of his car ( he was older than she was by 2 years as well ) when she opened her eyes to find the window down and a couple of Dan’s older friends jerking themselves off to what Dan was doing to her, turning her on and playing with her. She immediately wanted to stop and thankfully there were other people walking by when she started screaming or she most likely would have been forced to continue against her will. It was both embarrassing for her and equally as dangerous and twisted a situation.

· If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? :: Bobby often wishes she was older and stronger than she was when her mother died. She wants to be able to go back and take her siblings out of that environment altogether. She wants to have been able to maybe even save her mother.

· What is your best memory? :: The ones alone in the woods. Anything where the woodlands creatures accepted her as a part of their world, knowing inherently she wouldn’t hurt them.

· What is your worst memory? :: The way her mother died, in her arms, at home. There were no police and no ambulance until it was too late to save her, much too late.

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

· Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? :: Optimistic.

· What is your greatest fear? :: Being powerless and out of control of her own life.

· What are your religious views? :: She’s spiritual but does not ascribe to any one particular religious sect or view. She tends to take a little of this and a little of that from various religions, whatever she feels she can identify with in the moment and incorporate into her lifestyle.

· What are your political views? :: Progressive Liberal Independent.

· What are your views on sex? :: The more the better. Well, provided it’s the right person and it’s consensual. Also, sometimes a little kinky if she trusts the person she’s with implicitly.

· Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? :: In any verses where the apocalypse doesn’t exist ( or not yet ) she could only kill if it was someone threatening her life or the lives of her family/spouse/kids. In the apocalypse, she begins just as they all did, saying they would never kill the living, then only if she had to, and progressing until doing it regularly because she had to and there were rarely other options. Not to say there are moments when she should kill and doesn’t, for one reason or another, but she makes sure to weigh the call. Taking a life, being a healer as she is and continues to be, isn’t an easy call to make.

· In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? :: To abuse physically, emotionally, mentally, and/or sexually a child. To Bobby that is the most reprehensible crime.

· Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? :: Yes.

· What do you believe makes a successful life? :: The impact one has on the world around them, whoever or whatever they touch/influence. What a person leaves behind, their legacy.

· How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? :: Bobby is pretty honest about her feelings now, almost to a detriment. She’s brutally honest about thoughts and feelings and has been pretty intense in all aspects of her life since her father died and set her free from the binds of her past.

· Do you have any biases or prejudices? :: Bobby has biases against rapists and child molesters, child abusers and domestic violence offenders. Really, she feels as though anyone who breaks the law for more than stealing some food ( if a person is desperate to eat or feed their family ) they should do the time applicable to the crime.

· Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? :: Bobby doesn’t like to lie. She won’t do it. If asked to lie she will retreat from the conflict altogether, saying nothing to either party. If asked for the truth, therefore, she would have to tell the truth. Her replies at being asked to lie always include some formulation of ‘if you want to propagate lies and slander then do it in your name.’ Her refusal stems from years of her mother and her family lying to the authorities, to medical professionals, to the world about what they went through at her father’s hands. ( Whether they knew or not otherwise wasn’t the point. )

· Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? :: Family and friends that have become family. Her spouse, her partner, the person she’s chosen to spend the rest of her life with. Her children, adopted or natural, blood or not.

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

· In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? :: Bobby is always guided by the other person. She will usually begin friendly and polite, if a bit wary and gruff depending on the circumstances. It always depends on the first impression and expression of the other person how she reacts and treats them from there, forward. Sometimes a rude or dislike situation can be changed over time if both parties work toward making it positive or a catalyst turns the dynamic around. Likewise, if someone starts off friendly with her it can turn to dislike and even hatred if given the right cataclysm. She read this quote once that she lives by : ‘if you feel it necessary to judge me by my past, don’t be surprised when I put you in it.’ Most often, however, if a person is able to get past all the walls she’s built over time against being hurt viscerally by someone intimately, they’re in her heart and they’re usually there for good.

· Who is the most important person in your life, and why? :: It depends on the verse. Sometimes all she has left are her brother and sister. Other verses are dependent on her family/attachments/spouses/significant others. Rick, Shane, Daryl, Charley, etc. Family is important to Bobby, especially at the end of the world. Her children are first and foremost the most important people in her life in the verses in which she has them.

· Who is the person you respect the most, and why? :: Carol. No matter what verse is concerned, this holds true. She sees a lot of her mother in Carol. A lot of the same strengths and hopes and dreams that have been tramped down by a man with a heavy hand and an awfully small constitution. Of all the people Bobby has the pleasure to meet in all her travels and all her realities, Carol is the one person she loves and supports and looks up to the most.

· Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. :: Bobby has very few friends in the real world. As stated before she was never a popular kid growing up and only got any recognition for her beauty by boys or girls with one thing on the mind. The only people she considers as true friends she made after the world as she knew it already ended. Carol. Daryl. Rick. Shane. Maggie. Glenn. Enid. King Ezekiel. Jerry. Jesus. Aaron. Etc. The only exception to this is the verse where she’s known Daryl all her life; in that case she’s always had him. He is her best friend. And her cat, Patches, a gray and white tabby cat with darker gray almost black ears, definitely constitutes as a best friend.

· Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. :: Daryl – nickname Tracker; annoyed and frustrated with how much she talks but loves her for it anyway and finds it kind of endearing despite himself; afraid of intimacy in the same way that she is and was and what makes them a good fit is their willingness now to grow together solely with one another; can’t live with her and can’t live without her; hillbilly grump with the most honest, pure, innocent heart of anyone she knows. Shane – nickname Deputy; knows who the real boss of the house is; is probably afraid of Bobby…maybe…like a lot; strong willed, passionate, and has an easy anger reflex; they fight a lot about the silliest things but it always come back to love; the thing he probably loves the most about her is that she knows how to turn the damn lights off. Rick – no nickname as yet; he really stepped into the leader role over the time they’ve known each other; Bobby never expected to follow him as closely as she does now; they don’t always agree but they rarely actually fight; he’s the epitome of calm and problem solving in dire situations; he’d walk through Hell and all its fire for her and his kids and probably everyone else he cares for and that’s the one thing she loves the most above all else about him. Mac – nickname Cupcake; strictly a fanfiction/headcanon ship at this point; used to ship this pairing exclusively with macxtheanimal way back when; a meth head, rapist, murderer, criminal, muscle and enforcer for his father’s crystal meth operation; he’s a villain that makes no apologies for his actions but she can see the broken little boy in him, abandoned by his mother so long ago to his father’s lifestyle; kept her hostage as a sex slave for a long time until they had an intimate exchange one night and she whispered to him that she just wanted to be free to make the choice; he let her go, saying she was free and he knew she’d always leave because they all did if given a chance; she stayed. {{ All are subject to change based on verse or partner writing this with us. Mostly these listings as spouses or SO’s are exclusive right now to wexarethewalkingxdead and macxtheanimal. }}

· Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. :: She’s only been in love a couple times in her life. ( Verse dependent. ) It almost always ends in pain and suffering for her, be it physically or emotionally, but there are a few over the verses/years that she’s found true happiness with.

· What do you look for in a potential lover? :: Connection. Chemistry. Sexy/pretty eyes. Rough pads of their hands and they have to be steady and firm. Stable.

· How close are you to your family? :: Bobby and her siblings are VERY close, even though they don’t live in the same place anymore. Sometimes herself and her sister Kath haven’t always been as close as they should have been. Those moments are almost always based on imagined slights of some kind because Bobby is and always has been an outspoken person; she never sugar coats things that should be communicated. It follows in the same vein as her always being truthful. Hence, sometimes hurt feelings. Bobby and the people she’s come to think of as family are likewise, VERY close with these same issues of hurt feelings now and again, resulting mostly in a short time of silence or avoidance between the parties.

· Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? :: This is dependent on her verses. In some she does make a family with someone special. In others she hasn’t, whether because she hasn’t found that someone yet or because she’s afraid of finding a man like her father and subjecting herself to the same life her mother lived prior to her death – not to mention subjecting any children they might have to that lifestyle.

· Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? :: Bobby would turn to her siblings first, provided it was something they could solve realistically. If they aren’t available or they can’t fix it because they live out of state, etc, the next stop would be her chosen family, friends she’s made along the way that would go the extra mile for her, and she for them.

· Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? :: Very few people and they have to prove themselves to her with their deeds, not just words and promises coming off lips and tongues that have lied so many times they probably don’t even know they’re doing it anymore.

· If you died or went missing, who would miss you? :: Her family ( her brother and sister ) have been living in different states from her for quite a few years now but that doesn’t mean they’ve become distant. They would definitely miss her. Also any of the family she’s made in the apocalypse. Obviously this is verse dependent.

· Who is the person you despise the most, and why? :: Actually, I think Bobby despises her mother the most of anyone she’s ever known in her life. It’s a very complicated relationship. Bobby still loves her mother; while she was alive she was the only kindness Bobby and her siblings knew. She was strong and endured a lot but that same strength could also be considered weakness. Why couldn’t she have left their father? Why couldn’t she have taken them away and made a go of it on their own? Maybe she’d be alive today. Maybe a lot of things. So Bobby is constantly fighting with love and hate for the woman that bore her.

· Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? :: Bobby has a good sense for whatever a situation calls for, usually. In most circumstances she will listen and hear someone out before saying her piece. But she is southern and strong willed, a stiff backbone, and sometimes the outrage comes dripping off her teeth like venom before she can stave them off. In moments when she can’t be smart and hold her tongue, and even when she does, Bobby is a woman who is definitely not afraid of conflict if she feels the situation calls for it.

· Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? :: Bobby is strong enough to take the weight of the world on her shoulders. It certainly depends on what the situation is, but in the case of her primary verse – in the Walker apocalypse – she doesn’t hold back. As a healer, a nurse, she will absolutely take on a leadership role if one is needed. If another leader is present, and she respects that person, they will only gain support from her; likewise, if they do not have her respect, all they will get it push-back until they either utilize her and her ideas to their potential or she potentially replaces them as the leader. She’s very strong but she is versatile. She knows when to step back and let things shake loose.

· Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? :: Bobby has always been a little bit of a loner. She’d personable but she also likes her alone time. As previously discussed, there wasn’t a lot of silent time in her home and she much rather would have been somewhere alone with her thoughts instead of lined up ready to catch a beating. Large crowds do tend to make her a little anxious. She’d much rather only deal with a few people at a time.

· Do you care what others think of you? :: Bobby does care what other people thing of her, to an extent. She doesn’t dwell on it, however, and if there are ever opinions that are misconstrued or wrong she will make sure not to ever think on those things again. The only thing that usually can get to Bobby is when people she loves and is devoted to make comments to her that can be considered derogatory or hurtful, judging.

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

· What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? :: Hiking and taking walks in the lush green forests. Photography. Reading. Her grandma taught her mother how to sew and thus, taught Bobby enough to get by; those nursing lessons on stitching wounds up didn’t hurt either.

· What is your most treasured possession? :: Patches. He is a grey and white tabby cat with dubious bloodline origin with black ears. She’s had him with her for a long time and she’d walk through fire for him if she had to.

· What is your favorite color? :: Blue.

· What is your favorite food? :: Seafood boil.

· What, if anything, do you like to read? :: Bobby is an always will be a fan of anything she can get her hands on. She does go through moods, however, devoted to certain genres over the others. Predominantly she reads works of fiction about murder and crime, who done its and thrillers. Horror novels are a must as well. A favorite series of hers is the By The Numbers novels about Stephanie Plum and her life fumble bumbling through the Bounty Hunter business by Janet Evanovich. Romance novels, unless well written with a predominant plot encompassing one of the aforementioned genres, can go suck lemons!

· What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? :: Bobby is mostly a music person. Movies are fine and television can captivate her attention if its done well but there’s nothing better than putting in a CD, or plugging her headphones into her phone’s jack and playing some tunes on the digital frequency. It sets the mood, no matter what that mood is, 100% of the time.

· Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? :: Bobby used to smoke. It was something to do with her hands and a nervous tick that she adopted mostly in crowded groups of people to help calm her nerves in those situations. Social smoking. Whether or not she still does it verse dependent. Bobby also drinks alcoholic beverages but within reason and rarely ever to excess.

· How do you spend a typical Saturday night? :: In the apocalypse there is a lot to do, all of the time. There’s never a dull moment. Saturdays are usually reserved for whatever needs doing that wasn’t done the day before, as well as making time for family and friends trying to reclaim what was stolen from them by the world as it exists now. In the other verses where the world is normal, Saturdays are usually reserved for family time, the park, the zoo, barbecues with family and friends, etc. On the rare occasion work comes calling – she is an emergency room nurse – she will sometimes go in. And sometimes not.

· What makes you laugh? :: Stupid jokes, dad jokes, horrible puns. Her husband. Her kids. New airings and reruns of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

· What, if anything, shocks or offends you? :: Racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, slurs and swear words used in conjunction with said slurs and behavior, etc. Anything that could be considered along the same vein by small minded people who are afraid of anything they don’t know and haven’t bothered to become educated about/in.

· What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? :: Insomnia does sometimes strike. It happens in those moments when something exceptionally traumatic happens at work or there happens to be a scare with her husband, kids, or siblings/family, those moments when she’s in the dark of the night, sometimes alone, with her own thoughts and fears. Sometimes there is no amusing herself. Sometimes she has to talk herself down off a very high ledge. Sometimes she has to wake up her significant other ( if present ) just to know they’re there, they’re alive. Sometimes the heartbeat and the steady breathing isn’t enough.

· How do you deal with stress? :: Bobby reads. She keeps her hands busy cooking, cleaning, and caring for her family. Killing Walkers in the apocalypse, keeping a tight perimeter. Yoga and pilates in the verses where the world hasn’t changed.

· Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? :: Bobby is usually a very plan oriented person. She’s learned over the years that the only way to be is concerned, vigilant, if a bit controlling. That isn’t to say that she’s a control freak, but she does have strong opinions and will be heard on them. She wishes she was more spontaneous and sometimes makes attempts to purposely exit her comfort zone in certain situations she deems it appropriate, such as her sex life, dates, etc.

· What are your pet peeves? :: People who can’t follow directions or laws of an ordered society. People who lie or steal unless circumstances are such that would overwrite the negative or somehow make an allowance for it. People who judge others or presume to tell other people their business when they don’t even have their lives together.

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

· Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? :: Regardless of what her work schedule works like ( days or evenings ) Bobby gets up around 5 a.m. daily. She makes coffee through the slits of her eyelids. She then returns to the bathroom where she showers and brushes her teeth. By that time she usually is ready to start breakfast for herself and whoever else is present. Morning shifts she works until 3 p.m. She will usually run any errands she has to do at that time before coming home and making dinner. Night shifts she works until 11 p.m. doing the errands and prepping dinner before leaving for the night for her shift. If her routine happens to be interrupted or subverted in any way, she usually gets a little perturbed, might make a dramatic comment about everything being a mess, and carrying on with things as best as she can.

· What is your greatest strength as a person? :: Her heart and her generosity. It helped her overcome a lot of odds that were stacked against her from the beginning.

· What is your greatest weakness? :: Her heart. Sometimes she’s loyal to a fault even though the people she let inside of it use her and abuse her. Also her stubborn as a mule attitude and her stiff backbone. When she’s made up her mind there’s very precious little that can change it.

· If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? :: How her past shaped her to be numb and emotionless in certain situations that require feeling. She doesn’t always respond in the right ways to tragedy or loss. Sometimes not responding at all. It’s a more calloused wounded part of herself she wished she didn’t have.

· Are you generally introverted or extroverted? :: Generally extroverted but in small doses. Large gatherings or venues kept to a minimum.

· Are you generally organized or messy? :: Organized.

· Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. :: Good – 1) Problem solving, 2) Nursing/healing, 3) Being a wife and mother. Bad – 1) Spontaneity, 2) Letting go, 3) Cleaning vomit.

· Do you like yourself? :: Yes. For the most part.

· What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) :: It’s a choice you make. When things get difficult, what kind of person would you want to be? If a child cries in the dark, scared, alone; would you help them? Or would you turn away? Tell yourself it’s not your concern. If a mother and father are fighting for their child’s life as the child is being physically removed from their arms, wounded, killed before them. Would you intervene if you could? Or turn your back? Would you do everything you could because you have the ability, because you have the choice or do you do nothing, make the choice not to, and perhaps blood be on your hands…? It’s a choice she makes every day to do better, to be someone she could be proud of, that her family would remember and be proud of long after she was gone. Her sacrifice, if needed, would not be in vane.

· What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? :: Leave the world a little better than she found it.

· Where do you see yourself in 5 years? :: She can’t say. She hopes to be alive and well, actually living a life and happy within its confines. But she knows that may never come. Not even tomorrow is guaranteed…

· If you could choose, how would you want to die? :: Old and grey in her sleep. In the apocalypse, if she could choose and she was bitten/injured beyond the ability to be healed, she would want to shoot herself in the head before changing. She wouldn’t want to leave it for any of her loved ones to do; she doesn’t want that burden to be on their soul.

· If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. :: 1) Write little notes or letters to those she loved who would miss her and feel her loss the most. 2) Love on and spend a lot of time with the children, 3) Clean, load, cock and ready her gun and wait.

· What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? :: Her kindness. How many people she helped. How far out of her way she sometimes went to make that happen.

· What three words best describe your personality? :: Brave, Generous, and Loyal

· What three words would others probably use to describe you? :: Bold, Daring, and Realistic

· If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…) :: Bobby. You are without a doubt the biggest pain in my ass, second only to Shane and Daryl. You are the most generous, kind, loyal person I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. You’re also one of the most stubborn. A word of advice might be you think too much. You plan and you organize and you get shit done. I get it. But sometimes, you’re a little too extra. Learn what it’s like to be a girl. Let your hair down more. Unscrew the dick sometimes. It’s fun being a girl. And I know that you know that but you’re too afraid to lose control because you think if you do you’ll lose everything good you ever had. And I know it’s because you don’t think you deserve all the good you have received over the years. You’re beauty. You’re grace. You’re the kind of person I wish I could be sometimes; but you need to be a little less afraid of what you could lose and more willing to risk it all. A man in my life asked me once if a moment of happiness was worth a lifetime of anything else. And the answer is yes.

#ic #about Bobby #• you got some beach ball sized lady nuts on you • { bobby monroe }#character development

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eforest · 5 years ago

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Oof my school is threatening to homebound me/take away my credits/fail me bc I miss bc I’m chronically ill..even though I have doctors excuses.. bro....Nd my fam keeps telling me how I ruin their life bc I’m disabled :((

that’s all really really awful, I’m so sorry you’re going through that!

I just want to quickly say that my answer to this is all going to be from personal experience so I’m sorry if it isn’t very informative and more just what my general ways of going about this were as I don’t really have much knowledge on this other than that. I’m also not entirely sure if all of this is the same in other countries. It’s likely also going to be a bit rambly due to it being late (I want to answer it rn regardless and it’s not like any trouble I just wanted to let you know that real quick).

My school ended up doing about the same before I ended up having to drop out due to my health. Especially the school I went to before having to switch to special ed, so I’m not too sure about how to actively handle it. But do you know if it would be possible to try and arrange a talk with your doctor and the school staff if you haven’t already done that?

I ended up usually taking my therapist/psychologist at the time along who’d also explain my physical illness parts and be the like contact person regarding all of it. For me that ended up helping a lot as they’d make the deals regarding it in the talks and because they were speaking to a medical professional they were a lot less likely to be as bad about it and when the deals were made they couldn’t just disagree again after (to ensure that I recommend getting a black on white statement from them that those are in fact the things you decided on).

I’m not sure if your school would be willing to do this, but what could also help is trying to ask for accommodations that they feel still qualify as a replacement for what you have to miss? Such as maybe even asking for video recordings of lessons and different assignments to replace an assignment you can’t do. Offering things like that tends to make them see you as actively motivated/trying and cooperative. While you are either way, that’s basically just some bootlicking which can help sometimes.

I eventually ended up being able to drop several things, not do all the homework, get extensions, etc. but that might’ve been due to this being at the special ed school. At the school before that I ended up being able to for example not do PE and instead for example needing to an essay in its place. I also ended up being allowed to make up for the time I missed through doing a bunch of tests that summarised the work from the year. (Sadly though in the end they wouldn’t let me pass even after meeting all their requirements because some teachers were just rlly ableist and wouldn’t grade my work and made it so I had less time on tests etc. but that doesn’t need to be the same for anyone else! them not letting me pass was the reason I switched to special ed where they did let me pass.)

In the end with the special ed they even went as far to allow me to purely focus on my end year (mostly from home) and just the exam related and absolutely required things as well (this was before my actual end year too) so generally these types of things /should/ be a possibility for them to offer.

Which reminds me, if it’s at all option, switching to special ed can generally open up a lot more possibilities with these things, and staff/teachers tend to be a lot more understanding there! But I know that’s not an option for everyone, I only got to because my therapist at the time practically forced it onto my family as the only option at the time after all the problems with regular schooling, on top of living somewhere where this is an option at all.

Generally speaking, I think it might actually be illegal for them to do these kinds of things so that might be worth looking into and potentially fighting as well if you can manage to with the help of doctors and such. Maybe even just looking into the rights you have with this and letting them know you’re aware of those. But I know that’s really difficult when you’re already struggling as much. If it comes to that it might be an option to have others mostly figure it out for you like support workers and such things if the doctor(s) you have can’t.

I also want to add that if these things still end up inaccessible to you, that dropping out entirely when you can or doing something like GED instead is not in any way worse, and that you’ll still be able to live your life in ways that work for you. I’ve dropped out myself and I’m currently getting on disability benefits and will be moving out early next year regardless. The road that gets laid out for you originally isn’t the only way, and for many people not even an option and there is absolutely no shame in that.

Regarding your family, I’m really sorry you’re stuck with as ableist family. I know what that’s like and it’s really nowhere near okay for them to treat you that way! I know there isn’t much I can do regarding that sadly but keeping my fingers crossed for you that they’ll become more educated and understanding eventually.

I really hope it’ll be an option for you to get away from them sooner than later if not because it’s really terrible to be in that spot and their ableism can also be really affect your health. And that once you’re away from their influences at least that you get to surround yourself with more supportive and understanding and generally good people!

Please also try your best to remember that your disabilities will never be your fault and that none of these things make it okay for these people to treat you this way. Ableism is generally too light of a word as it’s just a form of abuse. Deciding on having a child means also deciding to care for and love said child no matter what turns their life take and this includes any forms of disability. You’re not ruining absolutely anything for them. Your disabilities in no way make you a burden, worse child, or anything like that, their ways of responding to this just make them horrible people.

I hope any of this could be of help and I’m sending lots of support, love, and solidarity your way. Please know that if you ever just need to vent or anything like that my inbox and DMs are open! ♡

I also want to quickly ask if you’re okay with me reblogging this to my mental and physical health blog @schizospoonie to put it in my advice tag there (a collection of asks I’ve answered in ways like these).

#I'm sorry this took be a bit to answer #I'm not very fast with writing out answers due to my cognitive problems and disorganised thoughts #but I always want to give elaborate answers regardless #ask #cherieu

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pcrfide · 5 years ago

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SOLDIER 76

Name: John “Jack” Morrison Nickname: Miles / Jack / Jackie / Morrison / You Fuck Age: 55 Height: 6’1” Weight: 275 lbs (125 Kg) Hair: [Formerly Blond ] - Currently Grey/White Race: Caucasian

Identifying Marks:

One bisecting scar across the upper plain of the face from left temple over bridge of nose to right zygomatic arch to end nearly at hollow of cheek. Second scar begins just underneath left zygomatic arch and bisects philtrum, upper lip and lower lip. Ends just above the lateral surgical scar for mandible prosthesis. Further notable scarring can be seen in the notes below.

[cut for length]

History

Jack Morrison was born on the outskirts of Bloomington Indiana in a rural farming township that had no real name. The first child and son of Melissa and John Sr, his early life wasn’t much to write home about. He worked on the farm, went to school and was considered by all counts an unremarkable- if cheerfully natured child. It wasn’t until the birth of Abigail and the subsequent diagnosis of Melissa’s cancer that his home life deteriorated.

At the age of 12, Jack took on the care of his sister after his mother’s death from aggressive cancer that metastasized into various organs before it could be removed. At the age of fourteen he dropped out of school entirely to help his father on the farm and take over the house duties. An at-home school program allowed him to continue his education at night while his sister slept. At seventeen he graduated a year early with his GED.

At seventeen he also managed to convince a recruiter at the Army / National Guard service center that he was a year older than he really was in order to join up. He had just spent two nights at a local hospital recovering from a beating brought on from calling CPS on his father for his sister. Abigail wound up being placed with his uncle and his husband, and once the court had finalized the proceeding- Jack was officially free to join.

Jack spent his 21st birthday meeting Vincent, and the two would begin a whirlwind romance that would last up until the formation of the Overwatch Peacekeeping Directive. The break-up was amicable, with Jack serving as Vincent’s best man at his former partner’s wedding. He’s not ashamed to admit he cried, wishing both of them the happiness he couldn’t give the other man.

Jack’s time in SEP is full of half-remembered details due to the amount of stress put on his body from both training, drugs and the missions they were sent to test out in the field.There are mental tripwires set in place that he simply does not remember that can be found at any point in time with the most random triggers. Even he doesn’t know what they all are- and they happen at the oddest times.

Jack turned down the promotion for Strike Commander three times, but only took it because Gabriel expressed interest in taking up another position in the directive due to the nature of the work. It put him out in the field more often, where his war-time command structure made sense as opposed to Jack’s peace-time administrative style. He didn’t want to be stuck behind a desk. It also allowed him more time off to visit his family, and let Jack finagle his schedule so that he could do so. It separated him from his best friend, but the blonde considered it a fair trade off. It’s not like he had a family to worry about, after all.

Jack’s twenty year odd tenure was fraught with both perils from the press as well as odd assassination attempts. He survived no less than twelve per year- at least one a month. The most common was attempted shooting, but the most creative included attempting to poison him through his food. His metabolism let him digest most anything that would kill normal soldiers, and it wasn’t uncommon to merely get indigestion when finding out he’d eaten something laced with rat poison. The worst attempt, however- is the .50 caliber bullet that put a hole through his chest, and out into his back during a speech in Tasmania. He survived, but he lost a good amount of blood.

The last ten years of Overwatch were the worst. Between the Uprising with Null Sector, the fiasco of Blackwatch at Rialto, the loss of Gerard and Amelie, and the knowledge that moles had corrupted the interior of both Overwatch and Black Watch- Jack’s once sun and wheat hair had slowly gone to winter. What was leaked to the press is that a fissure had slowly opened between the division heads of the covert operations team and the Strike Commander. That one agent had suddenly disappeared under mysterious circumstances. And that not a week later, the entire Switzerland HQ went up in flames, smoke and death.

Jack Morrison was buried with full military honors. This was not his final wish. His final wish was to be buried simply, and in Arlington with a plaque stating his name, his crisis rank and the date. That was it.

Recall

Soldier 76 arrived on the scene not two years after the fall of Zurich. A vigilante and troublemaker by rote [sic.[1]] Soldier had been seen making waves in a few cities before his debut in Dorado.

His nickname stems from the rather large callsign on his back, as well as the trained, military fighting style that helps him bring down the individuals that try to take him down despite their overwhelming numbers. Some are calling him a hero, and others yet- a new trouble on their already overloaded system.

Soldier, AKA Jack- sports a heavily modified Helix Heavy Duty Pulse Rifle with helix rocket modifications and a lessened kickback with dampeners in the stock. It has a 20 round clip with a rechargeable base that allows the pulse packs to recharge with the energy released by the gun for the next clip. It allows him to keep firing pulse rounds into the fray nearly constantly.

A bandoleer of biotic canisters can be seen around his right arm, his hips and across his chest for ease of reach. They’re easy to manufacture- considering they’re of his own design- but it’s the containment process that’s a son of a bitch. They’re solar-powered, allowing him to recharge them in the sun after a fight.

The lower half of his jaw is a prosthetic, allowing the jaw-piece of his mask to adhere to the ports set on the lower half of the hinge. One port on each temple allows the visor to patch in without analog, and an entire relay down his spine allows a healer to monitor his biometrics remotely as well as help assess nerve relays. Extensive nerve damage from Zurich means sometimes they do not fire right and may need help with reflexive action.

Extensive scarring can be found from underneath his right armpit- over his chest to mid-point on his thorax, down his torso, over his groin and down to just above his right knee from where a burning piece of the building fell over him. His right hand has fine motor control issue and his hip causes him to limp if he has to run for an extended period.

His mask contains a rebreather for oxygenation. Sometimes his lungs don’t want to work right and he has to get more oxygen into his lungs faster. It helps.

Despite all of this, he’s still one lethal son of a bitch. His processing speed hasn’t stopped at all, and he can still metabolize poisons. This goes for sedatives and medicines. It makes for issues when he’s under the knife or recovering.

Weapons

Heavy Helix modified duty pulse rifle w/rocket launcher modifications & aim assistance to tactical visor.

Tactical knife [ black carbon steel]

Sig Saur handgun .9mil

Neo-Remington handgun .45mil

Biotic canister bandoleer | arms/chest [ 10-15 ea]

Armor

Kevlar-modified high density ballistics chest armor with integrated flex-weave.

Flex weave compression shirt to wick away excess moisture against skin to reduce sweat

High density ballistics dual polymer leather jacket with ballistics armor able to withstand up to a .45 caliber round @ 15 ft.

Steel shin/knee and calf guard attachments to reinforced steel toe combat boots.

Heavy duty reinforced leather motorcycle gloves with dual-layer padding on palms and knuckles.

Four bandoleers (two used, two replacements) for biotic canisters (one set shoulder, one set waist) - a fifth prototype in works for thigh. High density flex leather for wear-and-tear.

#h e a d c a n o n s // x leaves of grass x

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dannydevitosheight · 6 years ago

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Eruri Week Day 8: Collabs (Bonus Day!)

Days: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

A collaboration with @temporaryintelligence who came out with this soulmate AU concept which I immediately applied to Eruri. We discussed ideas and connected it to Mikannie as well.

This is a sort of outline of a fan fiction I’ll definitely never write, but is an outline I’m in love with all the same. Please enjoy the full outline/fic under the cut!

Beast

Synopsis: Soulmate reincarnation AU where one of them vividly remembers their past life and the other doesn’t. Desperate to find them, the mate who remembers all writes a book about their previous life hoping their soulmate might read it and find them. Erwin is the author, Levi is the lost soul. It takes place in current times.

Levi’s dreams about his past life started around age 16 and have plagued him since. Dreams...nightmares about giant humans eating other humans alive. Levi’s brain called them titans though he doesn’t know why, it’s just the name they were given. His dreams are always deeply disturbing, not just because it was people being eaten alive, but because he feels like he knows them even though he’s never met these people. He never tells his siblings about his dreams.

His siblings are actually other foster kids he met in the system and decided to stick with. Izzy and Farlan. They managed to move around mostly together, or at least hung close by. When they all finally turned 18, they worked odd jobs to make enough money to live in a small one bed apartment together. Levi and Farlan let Izzy have the one bed. Farlan slept on a beat up couch while Levi often fell asleep in a chair.

They didn’t always make money honestly; Levi had his suspicions about where Izzy and Farlan got their part of the rent money. He worried Izzy was selling her body and he was certain Farlan was dealing drugs. He just didn’t know which ones, and if they were hard enough for him to get worried. He did his best to work honest, but often had to steal food to make sure they could all be fed. He’s even hurt some people on behalf of mostly Izzy. He was always quick enough to get away before any cops showed up. He was only arrested once and only had to spend a night in jail. He tried to get government support but had been denied since they had no kids or disabilities. But didn’t they know Izzy acted like a kid?

Because of moving around so much, Levi dropped out of highschool right around when the nightmares started. He wasn’t particularly stupid, he just knew it would be a waste of time since he knew he’d just be working at whatever place hired him for the rest of his life. A degree didn’t make much of a difference; there was no hiding his low status. He didn’t see the benefits. Maybe he’d get a GED if a job supported him getting one because he couldn’t afford proper schooling anyhow. Plus Farlan was smart enough for the both of them.

In his early 20s, Levi had a nightmare that shook him to his core. And this time he knew the people being devoured. It began with him riding a horse through heavy rain. Suddenly he saw a massive humanoid creature with a human torso in its mouth. Levi looked down and saw Izzy’s head with no body attached. The titan spit out Farlan’s body. Levi felt rage surge through his body and drew swords and butchered the titan, completely decapitating it, just as it had done to Izzy. The dream was so real Levi swore it was real life as it happened. The resistance of his blades cutting through skin. The blood soaking his body just before evaporating. The rawness of his own throat as he screamed. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his body. Before he woke up the rain began to subside and a man approached him. A tall blond man with blazing blue eyes that gazed down at Levi. He woke with a jolt, his heart pounding hard in his chest. He was sweating and his body was trembling. He knew him. But from where? Levi racked his brain but had no idea who this blond man was even though his stomach was doing flips imagining that face.

Years pass as Levi suppressed this memory. But he couldn’t deny his attraction to tall blond men after that. He already knew he was gay but was too concerned keeping a roof over their heads to consider getting into a relationship. It didn’t however stop him from spending a few nights with strangers every now and then.

His dreams were never as vivid, but he did start dreaming frequently about a hairy monkey-like titan. He hated those dreams more than anything. They made him wake up already hating the day. He thought maybe it was because of his disgust at monkey species. They seemed so unclean.

Around his 30th birthday, Levi was walking down a city street when a bookstand made him do a double take. The cover...had the monkey titan from his dreams. It looked exactly like it. Maybe he’d seen this and his brain made him dream about it? He checked the publication date and this book came had just come out. Meaning there was no way he could have seen this before. The book was titled Beast. Levi moved his fingers across the raised letters of the author’s name. Erwin Smith. His heart jumped. He didn’t know why. He opened the book and looked at the dedication page.

Dedicated to Levi Ackerman

Levi nearly dropped the book. The whole world disappeared around him. To an outsider he simply looked disinterested, maybe even a bit annoyed. But his insides were churning. He casually looked around and tucked the book into his jacket.

When he gets home he makes tea and his hand shakes as he tries to steady the cup to his mouth. He breathes in the smell and his heart slows down. He opens to the first chapter and begins reading. It’s a first person perspective and it seems the author is the main character. He lives in a world overrun by giants called titans that eat humans alive. All of humanity lives inside three walls, Wall Maria, Wall Rose, and Wall Sina. The main character Erwin lives in a fairly good class; he has a nice home and his father is an educator. The story quickly gets dark when Erwin inadvertently causes his father to be murdered. Levi is interested in the story so far, but is finding it difficult to read. This author writes at a college level and Levi could never read past a ninth grade level. He never needed to read anything. His expertise were more physical.

He waited until Farlan got home and asked him if he would help him read this book. Farlan smiles a bit and asks why the hell Levi would want to read some random work of fiction. Levi is hesitant to say why and decides to show Farlan the dedication. Farlan smiles again, shocked that Levi would be so interested in a mere coincidence. Levi scoffs. Izzy joins in, picking on her big brother but also encourages to Farlan to read the book out loud as she would like to hear the story too.

The bit about Erwin’s childhood is interesting to them, but takes up only about a chapter. There is a time skip as Erwin joins the army branch known as the Survey Corps. He described the 3DM gear and Izzy can’t help but muse about how fun they sound. Flying around like that must be amazing, she thinks. A few chapters in Farlan’s face falls and he squints at the book. Levi swallows and Izzy leans in trying to see the book.

“What is it?”

Farlan looks at his siblings and slowly begins reading. Erwin introduces three new characters: Levi, Isabel, and Farlan...they live in an underground city as expert thieves who use 3DM gear to steal. As Erwin heads to the underground to apprehend the criminals he explains that he really wants them to join the Survey Corps as he heard they are extremely proficient with the 3DM gear. When he sees the three criminals flying high in the underground city, he is excited by the idea of having them join his cause. He trails them, hiding under his hood. He’s below Levi looking up at him. He mentions how beautiful Levi’s soft black hair looked as he flew away from him. He looked down at Erwin and Erwin smiled back up at him. He spends nearly half a page talking about the moment they make eye contact. Erwin doesn’t call it love at first sight, but it’s something that let’s him know Levi is going to mean so much more to him than just being an asset.

When Levi is captured, Erwin is delighted at how harsh Levi is to him. Levi shows no fear in the face of the Survey Corps and looks Erwin dead in the eye as he essentially tells him to fuck off. Erwin can see how much Levi must hate him and he has already decided he must make this man trust him. Respect him. Love him? After all, Erwin is a betting man. And there is no bigger bet than charming someone who already hates you. Well there were bigger bets, but they weren’t important in that moment.

In the next chapter, Erwin talks about the death of Isabel and Farlan. As Farlan reads the details, Levi drops his tea. The description of their death is exactly like his dream. It’s as if Erwin saw his dream and wrote it for him. His stomach turns and he gets dizzy. He doesn’t notice Farlan and Izzy fuss over the spilt tea and broken cup. He leans back in his chair. He can’t understand this. This is no coincidence? And now that he thought about it, with Erwin’s vague description of himself, he could certainly be the blond man from Levi’s dream. Who was this guy?

Farlan decides to turn in for the night, seeing how disoriented Levi is. He promises Izzy (who doesn’t want him to stop reading) that he’ll read more tomorrow night. Levi finally looks at his siblings and sees that Farlan is visibly disturbed. Izzy doesn’t seem phased. Levi thinks these are accurate reactions for the two of them to have, but also thinks there is something more happening here. But what?

Every night Farlan reads more of the book to Levi and Izzy. Erwin talks about the Hope for Humanity: Eren Jaeger, a boy who can turn into a 15 m class titan. He is the greatest asset to humanity, next to Levi, as Erwin puts it. He talks about the Female Titan, being particularly impressed with her dedication to keeping her secrets. He commends her even though she is against him. When she freezes herself inside a crystal, Erwin is disappointed that he isn’t able to speak with her. He has so much more to say and ask than some nasty words. Izzy and Farlan don’t understand this mindset based on where the story has been going. Levi gets it, but finds himself worrying over Erwin’s betting nature, even though he has proven time and time again that his bets are always worth it in the end. Erwin gets more enthusiastic about the revelation of humans who can transform into titans. Even more so when it’s discovered that all titans were once humans. All of these happenings got him closer to the truth of the world he lived in.

As all of this happened, Erwin often talks about Levi. In each of their private moments their relationship grows stronger. After the fall of Wall Maria, Erwin reveals that he and Levi got intimate, but does not describe any of it in detail. He does however frequently mention the softness in Levi’s eyes even with all he has been through. It makes Erwin’s heart swell, and he hopes Levi will be able to live a long life. When Erwin loses his arm to a titan, he says the only thing that felt worse than the pain was seeing Levi’s face when he came back. He hated causing Levi concern over himself, but there was something about Levi. Something that caused him to completely dedicate himself to Erwin. Erwin saw this with Eren Jaeger's adopted sister Mikasa as well. She seemed to wholly dedicate herself to Eren like Levi did to Erwin. However it did not seem that Mikasa was interested in Eren romantically. Their relationship was a strong familial one that Erwin respected.

Erwin also talked about his growing selfishness. He selfishly wanted Levi all to himself. He selfishly wanted to know the truth of this world in order to prove his own father’s theories. Levi detested this wanting to make Erwin stay behind for their return to Shiganshina. He threatens to break Erwin’s legs in an effort to scare him into staying behind. But Erwin smiles and laughs. He knows better. And so does Levi.

At the return to Shiganshina, the Survey Corps faces off against the Beast Titan from the cover of the book, and from Levi’s nightmares. As they are quite literally pinned against the wall, Erwin stares at Levi as the world is destroyed around them. They discuss a plan that will allow Levi to take down the Beast Titan in order to salvage the few soldiers they might have left. As Erwin confesses to Levi that all he ever wanted was to know what was in that basement, Levi kneels before him, telling him to give up on that dream and die. Erwin smiles. They exchange short vows with one another and steal one last kiss.

Erwin leads his soldiers to death. He remembers charging forth and everything suddenly going dark. Hazy light begins to sting his eyes. He breathes and it feels like there is glass inside his lungs. Aside from that he can’t feel any of his body...but his lower torso is wet and warm. He hears muted explosions. He doesn’t know how much time passes until someone approaches. His stomach is tied back together with his own cape. He feels things that shouldn’t be moving be clumsily pushed back inside his body. He’s carried away and his consciousness fades.

He wakes up on a roof, but his eyes won’t open. He feels a hand over his face. Levi’s voice, “He’s still...alive.” He hears Levi say he’s going to give the injection to Erwin. He hears Levi tell Eren not to let his feelings bias him. Erwin thinks he would laugh if everything didn’t feel so painful. After commotion he couldn’t quite hear, he feels a small cold prick in his arm. He barely opens his eyes and sees someone leaning over him. Levi. Levi’s face changes. Erwin sees his father, beckoning him. Erwin raises his hand and asks a question: “Teacher...how...find out...doesn’t exist?”

He’s moved again some place else. He hears someone screaming, someone being eaten. He feels someone’s hands on his neck. He hears Levi’s voice and his body feels warm.

“Can’t we just...let him go?”

His mind is able to piece together what’s happening. His life with Levi starts playing in his mind. His life as the commander of the Survey Corps. His choice to do so. His choice to recruit Levi. His choice to let Levi into his heart. His choice to be with him. Choices he didn’t regret.

“His only choice was to become the devil. And it was us who wanted that of him.”

Erwin sees the soldiers who have died. Miche, Nanaba, Gelgar, Nifa, Petra, Oulo, Eld, Gunther, and so many more. They all smile at Erwin. They seem to be getting closer as Levi’s voice moves further away.

“Not only that...he was finally freed from Hell...but we were going to call him right back into it.”

The weight of Erwin’s body begins to disappear. He feels less and less. His breathing begins to hurt less as it slows down. His heartbeat fades, but he still strains to hear Levi’s voice.

“So I think...we ought to let him rest.”

He can hear his comrades, his subordinates, his father calling to him. But Levi calls him back.

“Erwin...about my promise that I’d take out the Beast Titan...looks like we’re going to have to wait.”

He feels trembling hands touch his neck.

“...he’s already dead.”

Fingers pull back his eyelids.

“...oh.”

The surface Erwin rests on creaks as people begin to leave. Erwin’s heart is barely beating as he feels arms wrap around him. His body is lifted and squeezed. Levi whispers goodbye to Erwin and kisses his cheek. His heart beats one last time. Levi made the choice.

The choice to save Erwin.

Izzy is the most hysterical over the books ending. Viewing it as a tragic romance she cries over these characters losing each other. Even Farlan has to wipe a tear from his eye. Levi...can’t breathe. His eyes are welling against his better judgement, knowing this is supposed to be a fictional book. But these characters. The Levi character is exactly like Levi himself. And these events happened in his dreams. And his heart aches for this character Erwin. He feels the loss. He feels the loss inside his heart and his mind can’t make sense of it.

The next day he tells Izzy and Farlan that he’s going to be gone for a while, and not to worry about him. Worried anyway, they question Levi, asking him where he’s going. He scoffs and tells them they would make fun of him. Being offended that he would suggest they ever do such a thing they insist that he tell them. Feeling a bit sheepish, Levi confesses he wants to meet the author of that book. Izzy doesn’t quite understand but Farlan does. When she begins to tease Levi, Farlan elbows her. He tells Levi to stay safe and that he hopes he finds what he’s looking for. Levi takes the book and holds it to his chest as he leaves their house.

He’d already found online that there was a book tour going on. Finding the nearest city on the tour, Levi headed there. He arrive a few days early and spent time rereading chapters and reflecting on his feelings over the whole thing. He hoped that maybe the author would show up in the city early and that he could find him somewhere other than a book signing. He read the info on Erwin Smith and it revealed that Erwin Smith was a pen name, meaning that the book was supposed to be literally written by the main character. A sort of fantasy diary genre.

Having no luck finding the author beforehand, Levi has to settle for waiting in line at the book signing. He sees a few people dressed as characters in the book. He scoffs. They all seem enthusiastic and excited. Levi just feels sick to his stomach. He can’t even see ahead to look at the author because he’s so short and the people in front of him are freakishly tall. He waits for over an hour and a half just to see some guy who wrote about a guy he’s dreamt about before. There are several moments where he considers high tailing out of embarrassment. He decides to say, convincing himself that the coincidences were too numerous to be just that. Finally finally he gets to the front. The tall people in front of him are talking and moving around a lot. Levi gets a glimpse of the author and he looks exactly like the man from his dreams, and the man described in the book. Erwin Smith. Levi’s heart pounds in his chest as his stomach twists in knots. His hands shake and he tries gripping the book to steady them. He looks ahead and notices a blond woman standing behind the author, staring at Levi. He is so taken aback by her piercing blue gaze that he doesn’t notice it’s his turn to meet the author. He steps up to the table and places the book down still looking at the woman. A warm voice catches his attention, “Levi?”

Levi looks at the author. He’s so tall that he is almost the same height as Levi sitting down. His body is well built and strong. His hair is so blond Levi might go blind. He makes eye contact.

“Erwin!”

The memories crash down on Levi so hard he nearly collapses to the floor. The book, the dreams, Erwin, they all click into place at once. The book was real. It was a real. Levi’s past life. He remembers it all. And his soulmate. Right there before him. The blond woman whispers to the agent running the signing who quickly announces that the signing is over. As disgruntled fans slowly leave, Levi and Erwin stare at each other.

Finally Erwin stands and crosses to Levi. As he stands before him, Erwin is even taller than Levi remembers. He grits his teeth and tears roll down his cheek. Erwin smiles the warm familiar smile that Levi realized he had been missing all his life. Erwin suddenly hugs Levi. Levi clutches Erwin’s shirt, buries his face into his chest, and sobs.

As it turned out, Erwin’s real name was Irvin Smithson in this life. He started remembering his life the day his father passed away. When he became a teenager bits and pieces started coming back together. By his 18th birthday, Erwin remembered all of his life before the fall of Wall Maria. In his early 20s the first nightmare of the colossus titan happened. After a few tumultuous years of horrific memories coming back to him, Erwin wanted nothing more than to have Levi at his side again. But did Levi even exist anymore? Erwin knew he was very similar to his past self but did that mean Levi would be too? Would he look the same? Would he remember Erwin?

So he started writing. Writing a memoir of his past life. He thought it might be foolish to hope that Levi would read it, but he dedicated it to him anyways and was able to get it published. He never dreamed it would actually work. But here Levi was, back in his arms. And he remembered it all.

Erwin was not entirely alone, however. When he submitted his manuscript, his publisher called him in for an in-person meeting. When Erwin arrived, there was a young blond woman sitting in his publisher’s office. She was introduced to him as Anabel Leon. Erwin immediately recognized her. Annie Leonhardt: the Female Titan.

It turned out that they had both written incredibly similar stories about the same characters, events, and even settings. The publisher didn’t even consider the impossibility of this occurrence but he did consider the possibility of a franchise. He was interested in the money. Erwin didn’t know what Annie was interested in, he just knew he was interested in why she wrote it.

They had a private meeting together. As soon as the door closed Annie addressed Erwin: “Commander.”

He addressed her: “Female Titan.”

They spoke for hours. Things were tense at first until Erwin broke the ice for commending Annie for having herself be devoured by titans. She told him the truth about the titans, and he told her as much as he knew about her comrades, Reiner and Bertolt. He also told her about Levi. Much to his surprise she told him about another Ackerman: Mikasa. Apparently she hoped to reach Mikasa through her writings just as Erwin wanted to reach Levi. Erwin gave Annie a warm smile and promised her they would both find their soulmates.

Erwin becomes a father figure to Annie, guiding her on their search for their soulmates. They find they shared many similarities in their past life and even their current life. Both wanting to achieve a goal for their father and both in love with an Ackerman. Plus there were the obvious similar appearances. Annie is elated for Erwin when he finds Levi, but she is also astounded that it worked. Things between Annie and Levi are tense at first, understandably, but Erwin was always very persuasive. Gaining each other’s trust, Levi developed a deep respect for Annie as person, and as a fighter. They both dabbled in the martial arts and even started sparring together.

After reconnecting with Erwin, Levi returned home to his siblings, with Erwin. They attempted to explain the situation to Levi’s siblings. Izzy didn’t seem to understand; Farlan did a bit but he didn’t seem interested in trying to grasp it, considering how his past self had died. Levi and Erwin announce that they will be moving in together, but because of Erwin’s success as an author he promises both Izzy and Farlan that he will help them in anyway that he can. Izzy gets her own apartment while Farlan earns a college degree. Levi couldn’t be more proud of his surrogate siblings.

After the release of Annie’s book, Fallen, in conjunction with Erwin’s book Beast, their popularity skyrockets, earning them not only national fame, but international fame as well. But it’s still an American signing that Annie finds Mikasa. Erwin notices Annie’s hands shaking, her signatures getting sloppy. He looks up and spots Mikasa, not looking at them. He gently touches Annie’s arm to calm her. Before the next fans approached he whispers to Annie to breathe. Levi rests a hand on Annie’s shoulder and says nothing, but it’s more than enough for Annie to steady her hands.

When Mikasa approaches the table, she’s somehow still wearing the red scarf, and she is with her brother Eren. She places the book on the table, leaving her hand on the cover. Annie looks at her and Mikasa is unphased. Erwin and Levi exchange looks, wondering if she remembers.

“Can you make it out to Mikasa, Annie?” Mikasa gives the smallest of smiles, and Erwin looks knowingly at Levi.

#eruriweek #fanfic #eruri #levi ackerman #erwin smith #snk #reincarnation au #soulmates au #mikasa ackerman #annie leonhardt #mikannie #my writing

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