#but don't hate men this isn't inherent to being male

[unforth]

I stumbled upon the post of you talking about how you're trying to raise a son that won't hate himself for being male. From a young man to the mother of a young man, thank you. Honestly thank you so much. That will mean so so much for your kiddo, both now and for the rest of his life. I hope your mother's day is a joyous one :)

oh anon, many many hugs. and thank you. I hope you don't hate yourself either, you seem like a really kind and caring person. <3

[olderthannetfic]

I just got the weirdest hate comment. Basically, this woman who has loved all my stories and commented on them for months found out I'm a cis man. And now she hates my F/F stories. She's now decided they're "fetish fuel" for "your lesbian kink" and "you probably write with one hand down your pants".

None of these stories have steamy scenes. One, I suck at writing those. A lot. A lot a lot. Two, the women are busy saving the world. That's stressful and stress makes some people's horniness go way down, so I always assumed they wouldn't be in the mood until the villain is defeated, you know? Three, some of these stories have middle school aged characters and I find people older than me hot, so I have literally, truly not thought once against their sex lives. I assumed they were going on dates like I was at 13 - movies, hang out at the mall, playing video games, that stuff. Nobody I knew was getting laid at 13. (I didn't get laid until I was 20, personally, but idk what the statistics on that are.)

So it's really weird that she's suddenly angry at me. I know most of the fans of the show are women. I get why she assumed I was one. Totally valid. Statistically that makes sense. It's the jump from "you are male" to "you're getting off to this" that I don't get. Don't get me wrong, I know some guys like F/F and some women like M/M. But liking writing/reading something doesn't mean you get off to it.

(Also utter side tangent but I don't like her using lesbian to refer to bi characters. That's... not how that works. Bi people don't become straight or lesbian or gay depending on who they date.)

Can someone explain to me? I think my neurodivergent ass is missing a lot here and I'm lost.

--

Radfem nonsense.

Look up lesbian separatism as a political thing to find the sorts of women who think all men are inherently suspect, dangerous, predatory, etc. Some of them are also TERFs and think trans women are men and predators, but this general attitude on gender happens even without the transphobia.

Basically, she thinks you snuck into her exclusive clubhouse and got your cooties on it.

Some femslash fans do view this type of fandom as an expression of their identity, not just a thing they enjoy, and being confronted with the reality that it can also just be a fiction taste and the space isn't all people like them making a space for people like them can be upsetting. She's being a jerk and not responding to your actual work or your actual self, but if you want to know why, that's why.

[selfship-confession-void]

MALE SELFSHIPPERS ILYILYILYILY

TRANS MEN, TRANSMASC, CIS, STRAIGHT, LGBTQ+, MULTIGENDER, ANYTHING

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUUUCHHH AS A GAY TRANS MAN SELFSHIPPER MYSELF I SPREAD ALL MY LOVE AND CARE

REMINDER THAT SELFSHIPPING ISN'T GENDERED, DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT SELFSHIPPING BEING "GIRLY" OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT!! YOU'RE ALL AWESOME AND MANLY RAAAHHHH (no hate to fem/girl/enby selfshippers!! I love you all so much too, but I hate the stigma that selfshipping is inherently "girly" or seeing male/masc selfshippers getting heavily overlooked and underrepresented)

-

[doctordragon]

That one post that's like "I'm no better than a man" for being attracted to Falin's bouncing boobies is 100% proof of how normalized terf rhetoric is on this awful website

1. The idea that literally just being horny somehow makes you "worse" is such an anti sex sentiment. Being horny isn't a moral failing, it's just a part of having a sexuality. Being horny is good because sex and sexual attraction can be extremely fun and pleasurable for some people.

2. The obvious "women are inherently better than men" sentiment, but not just that. Women are better because they're chaste and wholesome, unlike those gross dirty horny men. Not only is this hateful towards men in a classically terfy way, it's also pinning women's "goodness" on their sexual purity and chastity. This is of course where terf and conservative Christian rhetoric overlap and it's very blatant in this post imo.

3. The intent likely comes from the oversexualization and objectification of women in media. I don't think this is applicable to dungeon meshi specifically because the way the female characters are treated with genuine respect when they are sexualized, in addition to the equal if not greater amount of sexualization given to the male characters. But, even if the media is Problematique in the way it portrays its female characters, there's still nothing wrong with being horny for those women. Again, being horny is a good thing.

4. Specifically speaking as a transgender gay man, I fucking hate the way these people talk about men. I love men. It's kind of my whole thing. I love men so much that I choose to be one every day. Is being a man sexually attracted to other men suddenly making me worse? This post clearly dictates that women are better because of mens' sexualities, so what does that say about their view of gay and transgender men? It's impossible to express hatred for male sexuality without being transphobic or homophobic.

Please stop putting shit like that on my dash. Just say "I love Falin's big bouncy boobies and they make me horny" and stop trying to shit on men's sexualities every time you can.

[shsl-analyzer-guy]

So recently I made a post about why I think Chihiro makes the most sense within the context of her own story as a transfem. It was a post made right after an all nighter, so I'm honestly surprised how coherent I was able to make it lol, but anyways, I wanted to keep talking about it. I think I covered pretty well about why Chihiro being trans is more impactful for her, but not so much why transfem specifically, and not transmasc. Basically, the goal of this post is to explain why I think a lot of people are weirded out by the transmasc headcanon in a way that hopefully doesn't feel like an attack

I'm well aware that a lot of people that enjoy transmasc Chihiro are transmasc themselves, and see themselves in said interpretation. This is generally true of a lot of trans interpretations of characters, but especially here, as the canon explanation of Chihiro's character is "he feels immensely uncomfortable pretending to be a girl so people won't make fun of him." I myself used to adore the transmasc headcanon. I hc'd Chihiro as wearing a packer, that Kyoko could tell it was an artificial dick, and everything that followed was the class being Super Cool about trans people because it just seemed like the easiest out for all the transphobia within her story. Besides, I quite liked Chihiro, and 'boy who feels like he must dress like a girl for people to assume his identity' was something I related to a lot.

The thing is, the more I looked into that interpretation, the less sense it starts to make. Again, as a GNC trans man, I like to wear skirts and things like that. Clothes don't have gender, after all, and they can be way more comfortable than pants, especially when you don't shave. But Chihiro isn't GNC. Her story as it's meant to be interpreted expressly says feminine clothing makes her feel lesser than. She's described (by Monokuma ofc) as hating said femininity. It makes her feel weaker, like those skirts and female identity is an inherent weakness. And that's what I think the main problem is; even when under the guide of being a trans man, Chihiro's story still falls as one rooted in misogyny as most logically presented.

The story presented in chapter 2 is inherently male-centric, to the point where its title is "Boys' Life of Despair". It's a story about men, questioning the identity of men, and focused wholly on men. The one (canonically) fem character that's important to the chapter's plot is Toko, and only to perpetuate an ableist trope as a red herring. Even then, when Syo reveals herself, all her dialogue is explaining why men are so important to her. I don't think having a subplot that focuses on male characters or the concept of masculinity is a bad idea on paper, especially not when within the confines of an overarching plot that very much does utilize women as leading characters, but in practice, the plotline about toxic masculinity is used *at the expense of* women, rather than existing in tandem with them.

Throughout the entire chapter, it's established that women are weaker via Chihiro. When Mondo says that women are naturally weaker, Chihiro starts crying, and Mondo is made to apologize. HOWEVER, the reason he apologizes is not because of the blatant misogyny of the statement, but rather, because he yelled too loud. Even when Hina and Sakura are involved in the conversation, neither of them seem to care about the sexism. Even in the stage play, when Sakura DOES take offense to it, it's shrugged off as a gag, with Mondo saying she's 'special.' Sakura is held as an exception to the rule. AT NO POINT IN THIS CHAPTER IS THE ASSERTION THAT WOMEN ARE INHERENTLY WEAKER THAN MEN EVER CONTESTED. Later in the same chapter, Makoto (the player character whom we're supposed to be projecting onto) says that Mondo was right, and that girls aren't strong.

Chihiro's backstory and the way she views herself *as presented by others* only reinforces this idea. The parallels between Chihiro and Mondo are a story about strength and weakness. Chihiro is physically weak but mentally strong, and Mondo is physically strong but mentally weak. This is the point of them being paired together, and the foundation upon which everything else found in the chapter is built on. So when you have Chihiro, a canonical man who wears skirts, and give her an inferiority complex about her weakness that's inherently tied to how similar she is to women, you end up with an inherently misogynistic narrative. According to Danganronpa, Chihiro is weak BECAUSE of her similarities to women, as is enforced by the language used and the presentation of Chihiro's identity. Similarly, the assertion that Chihiro makes to Mondo defining her 'mental strength' is the assertion to no longer be fem-presenting, to destroy everything feminine about her and to become a 'real man' like how she perceives Mondo. This part by itself could be interpreted as transmasc, but when paired with the rest of the chapter's insistence of the weakness of women? It's not transphobic anymore, sure, but it still has that inherent core of misogyny, without any real acknowledgement or deconstruction of it in the way that the transfem headcanon does.

Ultimately, fiction is meant to be interpreted by those who consume it, and you can fanonize as much as you want. Just don't be too surprised when women, especially trans women, don't like the way you're interpreting it. It is always worth deconstructing your own biases and the way you consume media

[velvetvexations]

It's frustrating when any radical feminism is called out in trans circles, the whole thing is "well since I'm trans I can't be a TERF"!!! Like, transmisogyny is not the only thing TERFS and radical feminists preach?? Like if you're anti sex work, anti kink, anti bodily autonomy for any kind of transition or sex, think men (whoever the individual bigot defines as such) are genetically predisposed to evil, think women (whoever the individual bigot defines as such) are predisposed to good, and anti-ace/aro people, like one or two differences in opinion will not preclude you from radical feminism. Idk, out of the "trans inclusionary" radical feminists, I feel as though you either fall hard into transmisogyny or transandrophobia.

But a lot of the people who believe in all the same things as the normal strain of radical feminism but support trans women just,, only seem to think that transmisogyny is what TERFs preach?

Also like lowkey I never understood the Shinigami eyes extension because TERF dogwhistles are kinda easy to spot and easy to check. Like, overly judgmental of a random woman? Overly judgmental of a random man? Seems to think x kink is evil? Implying porn is disgusting and evil (without any actual criticisms of the industry, just talking about it inherently)? Weird about ace/aro people and their attraction or lack thereof? Wow! Probably a terf.

I think there is some issue with "OP is a TERF" that made shinigami eyes appealing for a lot of people. I once saw someone make a really good point about how a theater production that sexualizes nuns is not progressive for sexualizing women who don't want to be sexualized, but whoops, OP was a TERF. Often moral rationality is not an issue of logical reasoning as it is motivation. For instance, I also saw a tankie shitheel give a pretty good rundown of Chiquita's bullshit in Central and Southern America. In both cases, Bad Group A was opposed to Bad Group B, whether that be imperialism or the patriarchy, so they can call out legitimate issues when they want to before going right back to complete bullshit and supporting their own evil shit.

But absolutely no one actually knows what TERFs are anymore because they do think it's literally all just hating trans women and are incapable of connecting the dots between TERFs and second-wave feminism, and realizing that they have a whole suite of beliefs that goes beyond that. It's partly obscured nowadays for exactly the reason that they'll often be aimed at cis men, which TRFs simply don't count as evidence of them hating men because of course you should be against like, Cis Male Celebrity Getting #MeToo'd, as though the issue with TERFs isn't that they see that and trans people as being products of the same patriarchal system because their view of the entire world is warped.

Especially funny is the claim that you can't call TRFs TRFs because they don't self-identify as TRFs. I mean, even putting aside Talia Bhatt's book, we have a very famous meme of Sonic the Hedgehog telling TERFs to fuck off for using that exact same "that's just a slur to silence me" argument. Like, no! You may not recognize what you're saying is nearly identical to everything TERFs say just because you add "trans" behind "women," but that's a you problem!

[dolls-self-ships]

related to my last post (on Ford's sexuality/romantic orientation)

ok, this is going to sound really stupid so please, bare in mind that I am aware that this is a fictional character and he isn't real and even alex hirsch himself said that anyway a fan might resonate with a character can be true to them. With that being said, I personally don't love the headcanon that Ford is gay. I myself am aroace, and a lot of what he seems to experience in terms of romantic relationships and his feelings on them seem to align more with my own and lots of other aroace people that I know. And idk why but fandoms and esp just the lgbtq community in general seem to be really dismissive of aroace people (some don't even consider us queer but thats another post), and idk why but it just bothers me that anytime a character in canon expresses little to no intrest in romance it becomes almost automatically fanon that said character must be gay and not know it, as if being aroace just isn't an option. Because, I feel like those are two different experiences, not completely but, different enough since one can still feel romantic attraction and one feels little to none of it. I also think it's over looked/never discussed how much of Ford's struggles with romance can also come from trauma (being ostrochized, bullied, dont even get me STARTED on it post Bill, etc.) which I also relate to, as someone who for mental health related reasons hasn't dated in years. And I've met lots of people, including men, who have struggled with the same thing. I've had my best friend suggest to me multiple times that I might be a lesbian since men seem to scare me (I've tried, I am not one) and idk I just wish there was more space in fandom to discuss how trauma and being nd or even just being on the aroace spectrum (or all 3) might affect someone's dating life instead of just coming to the conclusion of "oh he struggles with women so poor guy must not know he's gay". Not saying if you headcanon Ford as gay that you're wrong, he can literally be whatever, he's not real. I just wish I had more people that shared this point of veiw on his character with me because I resonate with those parts of his character just in different ways.

I also want to preface that it gives me the personal ick that whenever a male character is more effeminate/eccentric people think that it's an automatic precursor to them not liking women. Like, idk I really hate that it's 2024 and people still base their hcs off of that. There are (very few but they exist) straight drag queens. Femininity is not inherently connected to being attracted to men.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hey! I'm a cis girl living in a community that's fairly accepting of queer people in general. I'm also a minor.

I am also extremely confused by this entire thing about men and mascs being hated in fem and AFAB non-binary spaces.

Like. I'm not very active in the queer community, but this whole thing seems incredibly nonsensical to me? You're all living on the same ship, you're just pushing a bunch of random people off it and helping to widen the hole in the hull! If the queer ship sinks then they all go down together, right? Why hasten the end when you could stop it?

On a less related note, the idea of nb people being inherently feminine is also weird to me. I have met three nb people in my life and all of them were AMAB, which might change my perception about this, but I thought the whole point about nb people being not male or female was that they weren't male or female? If people don't identify as a girl then they immediately seem more masculine to me, not because I think they're a boy, but because they've explicitly stated they aren't feminine. Why would AFAB non-binary people be feminine because of a random letter on their birth certificate?

Incredibly confused. We don't have to understand but we don't have to exclude, either (not speaking for the whole girl/fem community here obviously)

it's extremely insulting, you're right. it's upsetting as well because it's coming from people who aren't even aware they're spreading rad feminism half the time. yes a lot of people are aware but a lot of them are

cis women are obsessing over making queer communities "safe spaces" which in their eyes, means weeding out everyone who isn't a cis woman or someone they can perceive to be a cis woman. if someone is "too masculine" they're not longer accepted as non binary and are now men. some trans girls who don't pass hard enough are seen as men because they "look like" men. AMAB and intersex queer people in general get forced out of queer spaces immediately due to transmisogyny, especially lesbian spaces. transfems are not safe in any lesbian space at this point.

idk what to call it but enbyphobia is ridiculous and rampant right now like. nonbinary and gender non conforming people have to either be extremely feminine (because now they're Woman Lite) or they're trans men. the amount of AMAB transfeminine people who try to find community who get turned away is brutal. most of the nonbinary people i know are AMAB. it's such a common phenomenon. AMAB people have more options for being trans than just trans woman. also the collective fear of penises that these cis women have is bullshit as well. these women basically want to ask you if you have a dick or not (or want one) so they can kick you out because they're that transphobic and intersexist.

the fact that AFAB and intersex nonbinary people are treated as Woman Lite is really old. it does not matter if that person is a feminine nonbinary person. they're still nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, bigender or whatever their gender actually is. i don't get why cis women think it's a great idea to shit on other AFAB people so much. why do these people claim they want these to be "women's safe spaces" and then shit on other people they perceive to be women? most cis women have some serious internalized misogyny issues. i don't know why people think it's progressive to profile, misgender and abuse people who had, have or are perceived to have vaginas.

trans men are treated like a danger to the entire community when the entire community is hostile towards them. trans men are not a threat to anyone in the current state we're in. we are not trying to take over spaces that we rightfully belong in. we're not hurting people like cis women want you to think we are. cis women have become obsessed with making queer spaces "women's safe spaces". like no matter what. i guarantee you there are cis women like this chasing gay men out of their own spaces, too. it's just a disaster. we need to accept what the real problem is here.

i'm just gonna say it and people are gonna shit themselves and i don't care:

while women and womanhood are not a threat to anyone in general, contextually, cis women are one of the biggest threats to our community right now. not cis men. cool it on the man hating and accept that we are currently in such a shitty spot because of a lot of very hateful and abusive cis women.

cis women are not inherently safe to be around. cis women are not inherently incapable of abuse. cis women are not 100% harmless. cis women are capable of being queerphobic. cis women are capable of being trans/misogynistic. cis women are capable of being lesbophobic. cis women are capable of being homophobic. cis women are capable of being bi/pan/mspec phobic. cis women are capable of being intersexist. cis women are capable of being aphobic.

it's cis women who are responsible for rad feminism. terfs are cis women. cis women can be abusive. cis women can be transphobic. cis women can be dangerous to be around. can we stop sitting here saying men are public enemy #1 when we have cis women who are actively fucking up our communities every single day? this is a SPECIFIC group of women. not all women blah blah. these are specific people with a specific mentality and it needs to stop. we have to stop letting them dominate every single queer space we have.

the reason we're being torn apart is because we've been brainwashed into thinking they're right because women are inherently safe and men are inherently dangerous, but that is literal radical feminism at its worst and we need to stop repeating it and reinforcing it from within our own communities.

[n3felibata]

I made a post on Reddit titled "Hot take but I feel like many if not most Stolitz antis are either homophobic or just hypocrites" and I even had to clarify at the end that not all Stolitz antis are like that. Cue the replies harassing me, taking it as a personal attack on them and making baseless accusations about me. One of them even sarcastically said "Anyone who disagrees with me is wrong and bigoted" as a way to make fun of me. I never said anything remotely similar to that. I don't think they bothered to actually read past the title where I explained that Stolas and Blitzø meeting as children is compared to a bad fanfic when that never gets said about straight couples in media who met as children and that people who hate Stolitz for what it is now only tolerated it when it was just a running gag, as if they can't stand it when gay relationships are being taken seriously. I also mentioned that even non-homophobic Stolitz antis complain about how toxic it is and then turn around to ship Blitzker. (Blitzø x Striker)

I had a similar experience. It's so stupid because like, some of them aren't even subtle about it. Same for chaggie antis. I remember seeing a post talking about how much Charlie doesn't get enough dick, so she's unsatisfied and needs Alastor. Like... I'm sorry, what?

A lot of the arguments stolitz antis are literally inherently bigoted. Like how they want Stolas to be paired with Stella instead even though he's gay. And STILL hating him for "cheating" after The Circus even though he's a gay man being forced to marry an abusive woman? Idk, that's... a red flag 💀 The same people saying stolitz is one sided were the same ones saying that Stolas and Stella were in love not to long ago... sounds like heteronormativity...

And a lot of them are Stella defenders? Sorry that I came to the conclusion that the people doing mental gymnastics defending the cishet abuser calling the gay male abuse victim the abuser may be homophobic 😭

Like, it's not that different from female characters who get hate while the same people shitting on her praise fictional men who are worse or do the same shit. There are clear double standards here. These people turn around and praise cishet media with very similar writing, characters and tropes as Helluva Boss. And not only that, but it's not even just about their relationship specifically. Like, I have a theory that the whole controversy about Stolas being an "abusive" father is because of the stereotype that queer people can't be good parents. And the whole "child and parent have conflict but make up in the end" trope happens in fiction all time (example: Danny Tanner, Jeff Morales, Doofenshmirtz, ect.) Weird how it only became abuse and neglect with Stolas and Via.

Some people are blantly saying they wanted stolitz to "stay a joke", and it feels obvious to me that a lot of them just like queer characters who are queer in a goofy "dark humor" way and not an actual character with queer struggles and/or queer relationships.

People who say "but I disagree and I'm not homophobic!" Be expecting you to give them a pat on the back or something, I swear 💀 Like... good for you? Thanks for not being a bigot? Do you want a reward?

What I don't think people understand is that if they're not homophobic, then the post isn't about them. The fact that they're getting so defensive about posts directed at no one in particular is just weird because it looks worse than it would be if they just kept scrolling. Now it just kind of seems like Freudian Slip.

No one was looking at you until you said something

Of course they're not all the same, but I've seen people straight up call them the f slur

Sorry that happened to you. Just remember that Reddit is INFAMOUS for being toxic, so don't take what people on that app have to say to heart. Like, it's up there with Twitter and Tumblr...

And wouldn't you know it? Those are the 3 sites I see the most Stolas and Blitz hate.

Interesting

[thenighttimeparadise]

The fact for most people, having acrylic nails, wearing make up, doing your hair, doing skin care, wearing skirts/dresses, wearing heels, ect. is considered feminine and things women biologically want/need to do or should do because it's "feminine" is crazy to me.

Let's unpack this.

So... acrylic nails. Putting shit on your nails to make them longer/ more colourful. Why might this be seen as "feminine"? Females usually have longer, thinner fingers, which longer nail help make the appearance of, women usually biologically have longer nails like they have longer hair, and they're expected to care more about their appearance. Why don't these things actually explain this phenomenon? Long fingers could be considered attractive for both men and women, they are attractive for women mainly because they look dainty and bc subconsciously society want women to spend more time on their looks so when you see a women with longer, painted nails it looks right bc she spent time and money to be feminine and to look "right" (society wants women to suffer, whether you admit it or not, the idea of femininity is to hate yourself quietly, I can expand on that if you'd like). Also, while females have longer nails and hair biologically (on average and on a pretty small amount) men also biologically grow hair and nails. Like, men used to have shoulder length hair and women had hair to their waist. The fact men have shorter hair now is bc of the army. Fight me on this. If this was according to biology it would masculine to have hair to your shoulders or lower back and somewhat longer nails, but it's not. My point here isn't to say that it's untrue that female biologically have longer hair and nails, but that these standards can change according to socialization, and we did change them for men, so much so that we won't consider some biologically masculine stuff masculine. Bc it's mostly socialization. The idea that women are the prettier sex, even as an empowering thing, is simply incorrect, and I do want y'all to understand that if we wanted to decide males are the beautiful sex we could change that in our minds in like one generation.

The wearing heels/dresses/skirts is just pure bullshit, forgive me for the way I'm wording this but these are pieces of a fabric, and while one can argue dresses and skirts could feminine to accentuate the "female silhouette" as in making the body look more curvy, I want to remind you that you're very subjective and what you're attracted to and what you find beauty in is about 76% due to socialization. I promise you if you were born 100 years ago you'd have different opinions about what is and isn't attractive. Sure some stuff will remain, like being hygienic, having clear skin and straight teeth and not being overly obese or thin, since these things are just signs of being unhealthy (even though some people don't care about these things I just mean generally speaking in the way our body and brain processes things), so many other things you might think are attractive for you bc of biology, such as facial features, height, body type (you can be as fertile without having small waist as someone with tiny waist, it's about having breasts and body hair [signs of fertility and sexual maturity] And while both of those aren't sexual [while breasts are a sign of fertility that doesn't mean they're inherently sexual just like beards are a sign of sexual maturity but they aren't inherently sexual] Yk what that raises the question of what is inherently sexual and I have an answer, tell me/write an ask about it if you wanna know but ANYWAY beauty changes over the years so being an hourglass figure isn't necessarily the 'objectively' most attractive a women can look.

[nuancefem]

trans activists often forget that it isn't just trans-identified and nonbinary-identified people who can suffer from what they call cissexism or gncphobia. some people who aren't identifying as trans or nonbinary actually may face worse anti-gnc oppression than some people who claim the label, and get talked over by people who have no fucking clue what it's like. they just refuse to stay in their lane.

this is why any label that is nebulous enough for ppl to remain unchanged while identifying as such, and have no specific experience or behavior needed to belong to the group and be able to claim the label, will never be an accurate enough way to decide if someone has been more or less oppressed under the gncphobic/sexist (and of course heavily misogynistic) patriarchy. this is why often non-trans gnc people can be super frustrated by how they're treated by tras as some super privileged group shielded from horrific treatment by gender roles lovers, especially rightwing men. tras can be very out of touch, which doesn't go well with genuine lgbt/feminist activism spaces where we're genuinely trying to make positive change and actually talk through complex issues to find solutions to all the fucked up things the patriarchy has done to marginalized people. especially female/ofab people and people who are actually perceived as female in their day-to-day lives, or people who are visibly very gnc to a degree that pisses off patriarchs. trans/cis are often useless labels outside of denoting people who use different pronouns than their usual sex-assigned pronouns, or people who have dysphoria. otherwise, it gets incredibly vague and often includes people who for all intent and purposes live very gender conforming lives and truly are shielded from gncphobia, misogyny and transphobia/cissexism, as much as they hate to admit it.

the trans activist community claims to be against sexism and against rigid gender roles and all for embracing gnc people, yet gnc people who don't fit neatly in their usual cis/trans dichotomy get told they're either repressed and need the trans label, or they're bigots for saying they do face gncphobia and cissexism, at times more than some trans-identified folks. fighting patriarchal gender roles is more complex than simply identifying out of it. protecting gnc people, whether they identify as trans or not, is more complex than only protecting those who enjoy the label. protecting dysphoric people also means protecting those with reverse dysphoria and advocating for better healthcare in regards to transition, and more support in detransition-related surgeries, laser treatments etc from society. fighting against sexism also includes fighting sexism within your own spaces, and not assuming anyone gnc must hate being in their sex category and aren't female/male coded enough to still align with their sex. it also means discussing how not all trans people actually face cissexism, transphobia, sexism or misogyny irl and they need to learn to be good allies to those who do, whether they identify as trans or not. ofab/female people and transmisogyny-affected people also need to be good allies to one another, and not position one side as inherently less oppressed than the other in every aspect.

y'all also need to learn to respect ALL sexualities, including sexualities that involve the person's sex/"agab" without guilt-tripping or saying conversion therapy rhetoric. trans activists need to be more self-aware and grounded in reality. things are getting really ridiculous and it's why so many tras are peaking and flocking to radblr. it has its glaring issues, ones i am very critical of as are many radfems, but we at least have more tolerance for free speech and nuanced discussions and we absolutely refuse to ignore normalized homophobia against homosexuals (as in the og definition of the term) and blatant anti-female/ofab oppression in tq+ spaces. it can't stay this way forever!!

[separatist-apologist]

I just read an article in that guy who murdered two women. Absolutely horrifying. All the booktok crazies fawning over him reminds me of the women that would write letters to Ted Bundy while he was in prison.

I wasn't gonna answer this because I felt like I said what I needed to say and like, I was just preaching to preach but THEN while I was asleep, an anon came into my askbox to accuse me of not being a girls girl while intentionally missing my point. I blocked them before I thought of a good comeback (tragic) but like fellas is it anti-feminist not to stan a man who killed two women because (and this is so important to me) he hates women?

I'm gonna put the rest of this under a cut with a heavy trigger warning for domestic violence, I just want to say it and then I think I'm done talking about it because it's genuinely so disheartening.

Anyway, I think sometimes I get nervous to answer these kinds of asks because as a therapist I should know better than to speculate on people and what they're going through and whatever else, but as a person, its like...do you want to be picked that badly?

I think we all know by now that I work in DV and all the people fascinated with men like this fuck me up because like..."oooh what makes him tick, I want to talk to him, why did he do it-" and for me, I sit on the opposite end talking to survivors of violence asking the same questions with hollow eyes, with shaking hands, with safety plans meant to buy them just enough time to get out of their house so they aren't killed. I still think about some of the people I spoke with who didn't survive it.

When I was in grad school, I took a summer internship at the local DV court helping survivors with orders of protection. The system was set up better than a lot of other courts, but its still the legal system, you know? With all its flaws. My job was to flag for lethality based on what I was reading in the OPs and then reach out directly to survivors to help them navigate the process, connect them with resources, and sit with them in court. And I still remember this one particular woman who's situation was so desperately dangerous. We did a safety plan- and at that level, a safety plan isn't like, "remember to take your keys and wallet with you when you go", its "don't go into the basement or bathroom if he's in the house with you because there are too many hard surfaces, exposed pipes, and basins of water that making killing you easier. Go to a bedroom or closet because strangling a person is really hard and takes time," like THAT kind of safety plan. Anyway she thanked me, I remember this so well, she said thank you and I told her I'd call her the next week with an update and over the weekend he bludgeoned her to death.

And I guess I just don't think there is anything fascinating, interesting, or otherwise unique to men like this (obligatory yes I know women kill/abuse too). They're everywhere. I saw another post about how some podcaster is trying to get him on to talk to that guy and its like, why don't you just call up one of your friends' exes. Like. If you've got more than one female friend, you've probably got a friend who has experienced violence at the hand of a male partner, call him. Talk to him. Ask him why he did it, let him give you his made up story about trauma and sadness and oh life is hard because whatever whatever.

That's my thing. Books, movies, tv- they're not making people like this, and I'm not condemning people for what they enjoy in fantasy spaces. I am condemning it when you bring it out of those spaces and side against the women who were violently murdered because, and this is so important to me (did I say this already??), he HATES women. You are not special. You cannot fix him. He's not smart, or interesting, or fascinating and the having an attractive face is literally just chance and not something inherently moral.

And like, lastly, when you prop these men up and give them a platform, you signal to EVERY man just like him that there is something special and tragic about him. You let him play the victim, you let him rewrite the narrative, you shift the blame of his actions off of him and onto the people he hurt. Like with this particular man, you also side with a white supremacist so what are you saying to all your BIPOC/Jewish friends/mutuals, you know?

Anyway. That's my self-righteous rant, I guess.

[bored-trans-orchidsexual]

A Starstruck Odyssey, and Masculinity

I have thoughts and am just gonna unload them on Tumblr. That's what we do here, right? I recently have been re-listening to Starstruck and have had some thoughts on it's depictions of masculinity. This isn't a serious post per se, just some thoughts and observations. Starstruck has a wide spectrum of masculine characters on display, though a lot of it is hostile/toxic. Most men or male-coded characters are either outright villains, or more neutral parties with some toxic and selfish tendencies. Don't get me wrong it's a wild violent galaxy and that's the point, the entire party participates in scamming, kidnapping, exploitations, and unnecessary murder and we love to see it, it's not like it explicitly makes all men out to be inherently more monstrous and evil than others. But I do think the depictions of masculinity can be interesting to observe. Amercadia is a pretty cut and dry critism of the patriarchy and American nationalist culture, which is fantastic worldbuilding to include. Many of the masculine-coded androids are actually pretty nice, friendly and helpful or serious about their jobs, aside from a bitchy one in the beginning who injects our main 'droid with an anxiety spike about being one of a kind. Pretty much all of the Slugs we meet occupy masculine bodies, and they seem to have an abstract gender that picks up pronouns from the body they occupy, though the monarch is objectively a king and uses masculine pronouns even before getting a body, and he's pretty selfish and stupid.

But the main pair I'm thinking of, is Barry and Gunnie. Looking at the two of them, there's a lot you can assume. Big Barry Syx is this massive, bulky dude in power armor and shades with a mullet, while Gunnie is a 4' 11" techie cyborg with a big ol' smile. Listen to them in action and many of your assumptions are reinforced; Barry is a total dude-bro associated with nuts, steroids, working out, and acting much like gym bros in our modern life, while Gunnie is a hyperactive technician just doing his best, despite being mired in sympathetic tragedy. Barry's trauma is fairly fantastical or common to stories, having his family gunned down by one of his own, while Gunnie is mostly weighted down by medical debt after he got in an accident after trusting the wrong person. Based on these apperent details one would assume Barry is this toxicly masculine jackass who's insecure about his flaws, while Gunnie is the smartest man on board and is trying to keep everyone in line, doing the right thing, ect. And of course, you'd be dead wrong. Gunnie, while a sympathetic and likable character, is *mired* in toxic masculine traits. While it was an accident that put him in his situation, it was brash foolishness and ignoring obvious red flags that got him in that position in the first place, not to mention a rebellion against his family driving him to it. Furthermore, as Lou himself admits in Adventuring party, Gunnie's *pride* is the reason his problems are so vast; He comes from a lot of money, his initial debt might have never happened or mostly gone away to begin with if he went back to his dads for help. His toxicity doesn't make him an unlikable character but he does have these traits. He's brash, prideful, and ignores common sense a lot. He is also very nice and friendly with others, listens to people, ect. He doesn't have *every* toxic trait in the book, but has them which I tend to not even notice because he's just a funny little guy. Barry, meanwhile, is just about the most wholesome and giving person in the entire 'verse. Syx *And* Nyne, when not under a slug's control, are these total sweetheart bros. Sure, they shit talk each other with friendly ribbing, and yes they are very good at violence, but this violence is always motivated by helping those in need or fighting for those who can't fight for themselves, the Barry Battalion way. Barrys hate it when people are rude, or hurt the innocent. Barrys fight for their friends, provide endless support and praise, and will throw their very bodies into danger to protect or help, as seen on Rec 97 and in the big finale of the battle of the brands. And while the thing the love most is other Barrys, that does not mean that what they respect is also being heavily macho dudes. Barry one (or was is spelled differently? Barry Won? who knows) was the professor who created the other Barrys, a nerdy and fragile professor type, that the Barrys loved and treated as a fellow Barry *literally* the moment they were created. Even Syd is a Barry now, and that's accepted both by Barry Syx who's known her a long time and bonded with her, as well as Barry Nyne who literally, to his perception, *Just* met her, despite her appearance as like a waitress with an arm canon. Being a Barry, in other words, isn't about being just like them, having the name Barry, or anything like that. It's a vibe, it's a way to be, and the 'verse is better off with these super wholesome boys who, despite embodying many stereotypes of the gym bro, posses *none* of the commonly toxic traits also associated with that. They aren't insecure around smarter people or those with different skillsets, they hold no gendered assumptions, and they never wanna use their might to opress others for their own satisfaction.

Just, some thoughts.

[prickly-paprikash]

This might just be me, but does anyone else feel weirded out whenever someone says they're "unfortunately straight"? Or when they say "no, unfortunately I am not gay and only interested in (insert opposite sex)"?

Like, thanks for seeing queerness as cool, I guess? But, I mean, what's so unfortunate about being straight?

And I don't mean the incredibly shitty standards for dating, especially for cishet women who must deal with horrible men enabled by the patriarchy. That is rather unfortunate, no doubt about it! But, objectively speaking, there's nothing inherently better about being queer either.

I mean, I understand the sentiment! Thank you for being able to recognize that same-sex, multiple, or absence of attraction is beautiful. Yes! It certainly is! Thank you for being able to recognize that it's perfectly normal to be gay as fuck. I appreciate that!

But it comes off as, idk, patronizing? A little fetishistic even, I think. No one chooses who they are attracted to. No one gets to choose the manner in which they feel romantic and sexual attraction or the absence of either or both. No one chooses the gender identity they have and the manner in which they feel most comfortable expressing it.

So no. I don't think there's anything "unfortunate" about you not being as zesty as me, dude. The existence of the patriarchy is unfortunate. The oppression perpetuated by binary gender norms is unfortunate. The toxic masculinity pervasive in cishet male circles is unfortunate. The demonization and dehumanization of women and queer identities is pretty fucking unfortunate.

But when you come at me with that weird "Nah, I'm sadly only attracted to dudes/gals. I wish I was gay!"; that ain't the allyship you think it is. That ain't the positive affirmation you think it is. 'Cuz there's nothing unfortunate about attraction, in any shape it takes. It kinda feels like you're making the convo about you again.

"Oh, woe is me that I'm as straight as an arrow! Oh, of only I could enter the wonderful realm of Fagelot, like you!"

Are you for fucking real? Allyship is acceptance. Allyship is perseverance. It isn't this pity party bullshit where you think you'll make me feel safer by saying you wish you were as faggy as me.

You're straight. I'm queer. You're cis. I'm... well, okay I have no idea wtf I am but that's for me to figure out. We're cool. We're friends. You don't need to put up this act. It's who you are, and it's who I am. We can't change that, but we can be friends. We are a community. We have a common enemy in patriarchy, capitalism, fascism, racism, transphobia, sexism and all these other horrible -ism's.

You're not impressing anyone. I don't care if you "hate being straight and cis." I genuinely couldn't care less.

Just say you got my back, 'cuz I sure as shit got yours because we all need to be in this fight together.

[c0dyc0la]

TERFs intentionally make it impossible to argue with them.

They refuse to listen to men. To them, Men are incapable of having good opinions or points. If you are a man, then your point is immediately invalid to a TERF. They have no interest in listening to men, because they are of the belief that all men are inherently evil, which is completely against the whole thing of feminism. The only good men are Trans-Exclusionary Gay Men, because they share the same opinions, and they don't see them as the same level of man that straight men are on.

They refuse to listen to Trans Men, Transmascs, or anybody who in any way implies that they were assigned Female at birth. To them, we are just delusion women, who have internalised issues, and that's why we hate them. They literally cannot fathom the idea that we hate them because they literally do not treat us like people.

They refuse to listen to Trans Women, Transfemmes, or anybody who in any way implies they were assigned Male at birth. To them, that's a delusion man. That's a man pretending to be a women, and as we all know, TERFs hate the idea of men. They think that they hate TERFs because they're secretly women hating men. They literally cannot fathom the idea that Transfemmes hate them because they do not treat them like people.

They refuse to listen to Intersex folk because they see them as birth defects. They see them as exceptions to the sex binary, not an equal part of it. That, or they flat out refuse to believe such a concept exists. Intersexism either isn't a real thing to TERFs, or it's these super rare cases where actually their sex is just fucked up. TERFs literally cannot grasp the idea that intersexism is normal.

If you're a Lesbian or Gay Man who is trans-inclusive, despite being cisgender, guess what! They don't fucking listen to you either. You're basically just bisexual to them, and you don't want to admit it. They cannot understand the idea of being Monosexual and being Trans-Safe.

Are you a Culture-Specific Third-Gender such as Two-Spirit or Fa'afafine? They also won't listen to you, because to TERFs you're not actually that thing, you're just a feminine man, or a masculine woman, or you're castrated. TERFs don't believe that third-genders exist in other culture. They see it as a matter of genitals, even if that's incorrect.

And they refuse to listen to Feminists who are Trans, and Feminists who are Trans-Inclusive, because to TERFs, feminism is only about biological sex. To TERFs, gender is a matter of what's in your pants, and if you have the wrong thing in your pants then you are an awful human being. TERFs see people as genitals, and not people. They show it in every way they interact with men, every way they interact with trans people, every way they interact with intersex people, and every way they interact with Trans and Trans-Safe Feminists.

If you agree with a TERF, they automatically assume it's because they're right about everything, rather than assuming that you share an opinion. TERFs literally cannot understand a world where things are complex. In their eyes you are either completely for everything they say, or completely against everything they say.

They have all this bullshit set up so they can pull out a big red buzzer any time you validly call out their bullshit. The only way they know how to argue is using Ad Hominem and Tone Policing.

TERFs are no goddamn better nor any more inclusive than the patriarchy they say they hate so much. They are no better than the bigoted men they bash. They are no better than any of the people they say they hate.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

I'm a trans man dom into CNC, I just don't tend to talk about it publicly because of how men into being the aggressor in CNC are treated as inherently suspect within most queer kink scenes save queer men-focused ones, even though what's the alternative? People into playing the "victim" role and into men having to ask it of men who are not at all into playing the aggressor?

Goddamnit, is the fact that I also talk about enjoying the pre-negotiation before the scene and the aftercare and wanting the kind of mutual trust and knowledge of each other necessary to pull it off not enough? No, of course it isn't for people who think any expression of men liking to be dominant in a consensual kink context is Violently Patriarchal And Damaging And Clearly Indicative Of Wanting To Harm People For Real.

Yeah it's an incredibly toxic mindset and I hate it. Trans men who are into being doms during CNC deserve to be treated with the same amount of love and respect as anyone else. You're not a bad person or toxic or whatever buzzword is used these days for simply enjoying control and power during sex.

And honestly, as a trans woman, I'm a lot more comfortable having a trans male dom during CNC than a cis male dom. You're doing an important service and your work isn't going unappreciated.