#but doing the DU run now and. well. yeah he does have a way of flirting hug

[stonerzelda]

days at work rally are just gettjng progressively more and more depressing and making me insecure as shit but in other news to all astarian fans: i geddit neow. humbly bows my head

[rafesangelita]

…BOYFRIEND’SDAD!RAFE X BITCHY!POGUE!READER AU

⋆𐙚₊˚🐩⊹♡

BOYFRIEND’SDAD!RAFE X BITCHY!POGUE!READER who are already very familiar with each other when rafe’s son finally introduces bitchy!pogue!reader to his dad. she nearly trips over her heels and drops her juicy couture bag when she finds herself staring up at the man who has been her regular at the club for almost a year now.. both of them exchanging a look as they politely shook each other’s hands. rafe acts clueless as his son tells him her name, his eyes raking down her figure as her boyfriend has his head turned. “y/n? what a pretty name for a really pretty girl.” she swallowed thickly, her cheeks heating as he stared at her with a smug grin on his stupidly handsome face. “let’s go inside, i’d love to hear about how you two met.” rafe motioned for his son and bitchy!pogue!reader to go inside, his hand resting on the small of her back as his son lead the way, her heart beating in her ears.

BOYFRIEND’SDAD!RAFE X BITCHY!POGUE!READER who got through their ‘first’ meeting successfully, rafe’s son having no clue about bitchy!pogue!reader’s previous interactions with his father. “you know, i always look forward to our little visits, but i didn’t think our next time would be anything like this.” rafe took a drink from his glass, peering around the corner to make sure his son was still in the kitchen as she scoffed. “yeah? no shit..” she whispered, already wishing this little get together could end already. “we’re gonna talk about this soon.” rafe said through gritted teeth, his nostrils flaring slightly as he watched his son take a seat next to the woman he has grown an obsession for, his eyes narrowing as his son wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “well, we better get going, dad, y/n has to work tonight.” at this, rafe nodded. “of course, of course, i wouldn’t want her to be late or anything..”

BOYFRIEND’SDAD!RAFE X BITCHY!POGUE!READER who end up in a private room later that night when rafe decides to go down to pink sugar and buy some time with her. the music is playing low in the background as she stands between his thighs, her arms crossed over her chest to hide her bare tits from his view. “you’re acting like i haven’t seen you naked before.” rafe is pulling her close by the string of her thong, his hands working to get her settled in to his lap. surrendering to his touch, she sighed before finally meeting the intensity of his gaze. “you should be appalled that your son is dating a stripper, yet here you are.” her voice comes out just above a whisper, a shiver running down her spine as rafe rubs a large palm up and down the globe of her ass. “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” is the last thing he says before he’s sliding the pink material of her panties to the side.

BOYFRIEND’SDAD!RAFE X BITCHY!POGUE!READER who get in arguments more often than not, rafe being the one to start most of them. “i’m asking you a simple fucking question and you can’t even answer me!” rafe stomps after bitchy!pogue!reader as she rolls her eyes, walking away from him. “you’re asking if your son knows what i do for work, what the fuck do you think rafe?! do you think he would be okay with me wearing close to nothing everywhere we go if he didn’t know who i was? what are you gonna ask me next, huh? does he know that i’ve been fucking his dad for the past ten months?!” rafe snapped, his hand coming up to squish her cheeks together before forcing her to take a seat. “why the fuck hasn’t he tried getting you out of there?” he cursed, feeling a mix of both anguish and rage that she was still working when he knew he taught his son better than that. “your son isn’t like you.”

BOYFRIEND’SDAD!RAFE X BITCHY!POGUE!READER who never officially come clean with his son about the details of their arrangement-turned-relationship, but he already had an idea back when he went to tanneyhill only to find her crying in his father’s arms after he put his hands on her during the midst of a heated exchange. he watched the way rafe comforted her and saw the way she looked at his dad as if he was some kind of savior. he hadn’t been familiar with that longing stare whatsoever. neither of them made an effort to separate when rafe’s son stormed past them, rafe’s jaw clenching as he shot daggers at the man responsible for her hysterical state. “i’m s-sorry, i didn’t have anyone else to go to—” she hiccuped, clinging onto rafe’s flannel as he shushed her. “don’t worry, he’s not going to lay a single finger on you ever again.” he whispered against the crown of her head.

[lunarriviera]

Explain sha po lang story for me in short and who's top and bottom...what are their age..how are they connected....is there a series or manhua where i can read...i want to get into priest novels...just don't know where to start pls help much love ❤️🙏 😭 🙂

DID YOU SAY SPL?? [runs into room so fast I trip and fall on my face]

Well, so—if you're Anglophone you're in luck, because as of about three days ago, ALL FIVE VOLUMES have been translated and published now by 7S; you're also fortunate because there's a fully translated/subbed version of the audio drama free on YouTube, ALL 45 EPISODES [makes a tragic face at Mo Du, on maoer only, in Chinese only, and tragically my Chinese vocabulary does not include organized crime]. There's no manhua tho, no donghua, and the live-action has been mothballed for [looks at watch] four years now.

[bursts into quiet but resigned tears]

Here's the deal tho: the novels are EVERYTHING. I really don't want to tell you too much about the story because if you just read even the first couple of chapters, I guarantee you will be ABSOLUTELY sucked in. The briefest way I can describe it is that it's a steampunk/scifi quasi-historical court drama; you will think "yeah no way, not even Priest can pull this off," and then within ONE CHAPTER she proves to you that she can and that you will love it. Chang Geng is an average ordinary teenager who, it turns out, is neither average nor ordinary. Shen Shiliu, his yifu (I'm gonna leave that untranslated bc while it's closest to guardian or godfather, it doesn't mean either of those) is blind and deaf, nearly helpless, and also a brilliant smart-mouthed pain in the ass who drives Chang Geng absolutely up the wall.

Within a few thousand words all of that will change irrevocably. Time passes; Chang Geng reenters the story as a seasoned, well-traveled twenty-year-old leader, and things get really interesting. Yes, there is a seven-year age gap between him and his loyal general Gu Yun, and there is some absolutely typical danmei fooling-around with familial relationship overtones, and Priest's own love of messing with gong/shou roles (but yeah Chang Geng is officially the gong, even though Pipi herself once notoriously forgot his name in an interview).

If you come out of this novel and you're not in love with Gu Yun I don't know what to tell you. He's one of Priest's greatest characters (and the world was robbed by not getting to see TJC tackle that role).

That said, I'm not sure it would be my absolute first choice as my first Priest novel? Mine was Tianya Ke and I do recommend it (and the danmei to which it's a sequel, Qi Ye) especially if you saw/liked Word of Honor. However, if you're pretty familiar with danmei already, I say go for it. SPL will change your life and that's a good thing.

[vulpixisananimal]

<Null> {Mal Du Pays} [Loop] (Siffrin)

(Polaris is @neoncityrain's character)

<Move fast. There's not much time until that sadness shows up again, and you needed every edge you could get. What about those strangers you ran into? Those travelers?>

{You shouldn't trust strangers.}

<I'm well aware, but they both seemed competent. A five on one fight would go much better than three on one.>

<You were standing under the window to that girls room, Vixul. You threw a few rocks up at it, trying to get her attention. Nothing.>

"You're sure that's the room?" <Asked Mirabelle. She looked fidgety.>

"Positive." <You threw another rock. Still nothing. What happened last time?>

{Odile interupt us, it's possible they left the room after dropping their companion off.}

<Break in then, got it.> "Alright, help me up Ramos."

<After a bit of work, you got up to the window, opening it much faster than you did the first time. Good thing too, because the room was different from last time.>

<Polaris, that was his name, right? He was laying here unconscious, the door was open, notebook and spear taken. Left in a hurry? Either way, you pushed the window up and hopped inside. You call back to Mira and Ramos.>

"They're not here."

"Oh. . ." <Mira looks away.>

"Got here too late?" <Ramos asks. You nod.>

"Doesn't change the plan, Mira do you think you could give Ramos a hand?" <You say, leaning out the window and reaching a hand down for them.>

"Of course!" <Mira replied. She's trying to hide anxiety. You can imagine why. With a bit of work, you're able to help the defender-in-training in the room.>

<They dusted themself off and looked around, eyes landing on the unconscious stranger.) "That's him?"

"Yeah, better get to work, Rams." (You smile at them, and blink a few times- ah, wh-)

<Well that was sudden. Do you mind?>

(I don't know what just happened?!? Where, okay, update me?)

<One moment. You walk over to the window.> "Mira! If you could hide near the entrance, we'll run down to fight the sadness once it's inside, wait for us, okay?"

"A-alright!" <She nods, and is off. Now, Siffrin, welcome back.>

(You hold your head, Ramos was over by Polaris, a few fingers on his head and muttering something under his breath. You lean on a wall, sliding down to sit. Stars. . .)

{Putting our faith in strangers, Null? You don't even know if those wanderers are on our side or not.}

<Do you have a better idea? The tables turned fast last time, we need help.>

"Then why don't we try and undo the mind craft first. . ." (You mumble under your breath.)

"Huh?" (Ramos glances over at you.)

"O-oh nothing." (You smile at them.)

<Smooth.>

{Idiot.}

(Hey! Can we go back to planning?)

<Fine, alright, well the sadness was tough, it becomes invulnerable at times, but was weak to rock attacks. And it healed.>

(And blinding hurt!)

{Curious. You remember fighting it, do not forget it can freeze people in time.}

(Right, we haven't fought any sadness like that in, well. . . When?)

<The loops.>

(Right.)

{And there has been an absence of sadness, although they are slowly repopulating. Like some sort of King related population boom.}

(Not a fan of that idea, thank you very much.)

<Ugh, I hate you both.>

"I'm getting somewhere, I think." (Ramos speaks up, you see some sweat forming. You get up.)

"How. . . How does mind craft work?" (You ask.)

"You, don't know?" (Ramos asks.) "I-I mean, you seemed, to have figured most of it out after, uh-"

"No not like that, I mean how do you cast it." (You roll your eye.) "Basic crafts need your craft symbol, healing needs some form of focusing, body craft is a whole thing apparently, so. . ."

"Oh!" (Ramos thinks for a moment.) ". . . It's, like, like a mantra. You repeat something, in your head or with your words, willing the body, nerves, and mind to, uh, to follow."

"Right. . ." <A command.>

(You watch in silence, and close your eye. A mantra, huh. . .)

{"I wish I could have seen it." }

(Huh?)

{A mantra. Both to wish that they were your friend, and to know your secrets. That's what they said when you were effected by mind craft.}

(Oh. . .)

<Did you really forget?>

(Do I need to even answer that?)

"Okay, I'm, nearly done." (Ramos mutters, you let them work. You'll have to ask them about that "mantra" sometime.)

(In a flash, the strangers eyes opened, in a panic, he punched Ramos and dashed off the bed, fast.)

"Woah hey! We're not here to fight!" (You put up your hands.) "My friend just fixed you up, see?"

"Like I blinding believe that!!" (Said, Polaris? Yeah Polaris, that's right- wait.)

<Focus.>

(Ramos grumbled and got off the floor, holding their chest.) "Hey! That hurt!"

(Just talk.) "I promised Wren that we could help! That's your friend, right?"

"Yeah, friend." (Polaris backed up into the corner, looking between you and Ramos.) ". . . You know Wren?"

<Do you remember what Wren was like?> "Of course! Though I don't think he liked me very much."

"He's just dumb like that." <He pouted, looking away.> "Yeah, I'm Polaris. Who are you anyway?"

"Siffrin, savior of Vaugarde at your service~" (You say with a little bow.) "And this is Ramos, they're traveling with me and my party."

"You said blinding earlier?" (Ramos interrupts. Right, his accent sounded familiar.)

(Polaris blinked.) ". . . Uh, yeah? I did?"

{Ask it.} "Where are you from?"

"I-" {He stops, and looks away.} ". . . It doesn't matter."

<He's like us.>

(Yeah. . . You glance at Ramos, then take a seat on the floor.)

". . You woke up on a beach, probably in a boat, right? And you couldn't remember anything?"

(The look Polaris gave you was one of insanity and shock. He paused, then sat down.) ". . . How'd you know."

"Well, that's what happened to me." {Are we really doing this? Again, he's a stranger.}

(We have to! We were so confused for so long, and, if we can help. . .)

{Null?}

<. . . I'm with Siffrin.>

{Fine.}

(Alright, you breathe in, and out. You know the story. You know it. Don't focus on it. Just talk without conscious input.)

(Just, talk.)

"I, I was having dinner, and I didn't want to eat my veggies."

(Polaris and Ramos are looking at you, waiting.)

"And, I wanted to get back at my parents. So, I took our small boat, went out, and when I looked back. . ."

(. . . . . . . .)

"Well?" (Ramos asks. Polaris looks sad.)

(Huh-? What were you talking about?)

"I couldn't make anything out." <You took over.> "It slipped from the mind. The more you look, the harder it is to see. A cruel joke, right?"

<No one laughed.>

". . . I woke up knowing nothing. Life was a blur. Just, wandering-"

"Like driftwood on the waves." <Polaris cuts you off.>

"Huh?" (Ramos asks.)

"That's what my teacher used to say." (He rubbed his shoulder.) "They were nice, they said I went through life like driftwood on the waves."

<Huh. That sounded familiar.>

"What did they teach?" (You ask.)

". . . Huh?" (He looked up. Confused.) "What'd who teach?"

(You and Ramos look at eachother. Stars. . .) "It's alright. Forget it."

(. . . . The uncomfortable silence is broken by Ramos.) "Uh. . . Soooo how'd you end up with those two?"

"Vixul and Wren?" (He pinched the bridge of his nose.) "Bleh, Vixul showed up in the town I was in, I got a weird feeling I knew her so, I just followed her. A bit later we met Wren and he tagged along."

"Well, did Vixul know you?" (You ask.)

"I, don't know." (He rubbed his head.) "She. . . Blinding- she's only ever said 'iTs coMpLiCatEd' and left it at that! She knew my NAME! I didn't even know my name!!!"

"She. . ." (You're looking at Ramos, what is going on?)

"Polaris, she told me my name's Polaris. Never told me how, never told me why. Just, that it's Polaris."

(There's an even longer and more uncomfortable silence. How is that possible? Who the hell is she?)

{She's a prime suspect is who she is.}

<Why? Why would she mind craft her own traveling companion. Why wouldn't she mind craft us, either.>

{We could be mind crafted already and not even realize-}

(That's not what I mean! We can't place her accent, she says she's from somewhere impossible to guess, she's strong, she knew Polaris' name even though he's from the island, so, who is she!)

{. . . . . . . I don't trust her.}

<Do you trust anyone?>

{Do you?}

(Okay that's enough. You stand up.) "Listen, we're looking for the person who started this mind craft stuff, do you know if anything weird happened? Or. . ."

"Huh? Oh, uh. . ." (He scrunched his face up trying to think.) "Big, buff looking guy touched me and my head got weird."

"How weird?" (Asked Ramos)

"You know that feeling of someone looking over your shoulder? Uhm, that. Kinda." (He crossed his arms.) "Then I was knocked out, so."

"That was Wren." (You add.)

"Of course it was, blinding-"

(There was a crash and a scream from downstairs.)

[elementroar]

Because I'm both a big fan of Talon and slowly getting back into LoL/Arcane lore (which hopefully means I'll get back to my Arcane rewrite), I gotta ask. Where's the theory that Jarvan IV is LeBlanc's son, and where else can I find Talon is a SwainBlanc child theories, plus this about Jarvan? I need and want to know more.

(Also this has no real bearing on anything, but since Swain and Talon are among my favorites, I just feel that in a decent reveal/meeting scenario, Swain would admit to Talon that he would have named him Roland. Again, no bearing but I just gotta get part of that wholesomeness off my chest. Addendum, visualizing Talon and Jarvan as half brothers is gonna be my new favorite thing.)

For Jarvan IV being LeBlanc's son, this was actually hinted at since Legends of Runeterra, which gave both LeBlanc and Jarvan voicelines where J4 gets more and more confused over why he finds LeBlanc familiar, and LoR LeBlanc taunts him about it.

This gets brought up again with LeBlanc's new lines in-game when versus a Jarvan IV. This video lines up LeBlanc's new voicelines and J4's LoR lines (cos he didn't get new LoL ones) right at the start of the video (yeah I know the thumbnail but this video's actually really good to hear the conversation the characters seem to be having in their disjointed in-game voicelines):

For Talon potentially being a SwainBlanc child, that was really a crack theory that floated around maybe reddit and the old LoL forums way back in the pre-2018s. It mainly sprung up when Talon was first introduced, since just having Beatrice and thorns from the Black Rose in his comic was the only bits of lore we actually had on him besides his affiliation with the Du Couteaus. There might have been some speculation that leaving Talon with Marcus was planned but, honestly if there was, it would've prolly be on the old LoL forums that were frozen and deleted back in 2020.

Which is a crying shame, a LOT was lost with the LoL forums deletion from the community side. Fan-theories, all kinds of art, fan OCs, writing etc. And we could even directly write to the writers (heck a lot of SwainBlanc stuff was supported by Swain's lore writer directly answering questions and being coy about stuff in the forum).

The current run of Talon being their kid came out cos of his Wild Rift model giving another new face, that's completely different from his LoL model and also from his last appearance in the Katarina comic. The thing is that in normal gameplay, you can't see Talon's full face, at least not in his default skin. So it was when someone removed the mask on his model and we see Talon now sports basically Swain's eyebrows.

This thread mainly was where people started comparing their Wild Rift models and edits of younger Swain with his black hair and well, the resemblance got uncanny!

Considering both is based on their newest models in Wild Rift, it does feel that the WR design team was doing this very deliberately, especially for Talon.

There's also a bit of a parallel going where in-story, Swain's basically became Katarina's adopted father cos she's loyal to him and he exploded her bio-dad Marcus to protect her. Something which LeBlanc taunts Katarina about in in-game voicelines.

Meanwhile, Talon works for the Black Rose instead cos he's at loggerheads with Katarina about where their loyalty lies, and really, Talon being Swain's son would be fitting, cos LeBlanc sending Swain's own son to kill him is the kind of hater energy she'd have. As is Swain completely missing or dismissing his own son in favor of Katarina who he trusts enough to task with killing Swain if Raum takes over.

The drama writes itself basically.

ALSO, now this is about the ancient lore, pre Swain's 2018 rework. In the old lore, Swain and Jarvan IV were in fact mortal enemies. It's heavily implied that J4 is the one who broke Swain's leg and left him with the limp. Swain tried to ambush J4 at J4's League Judgement scenario, which is basically like trying to kill someone within the UN, and the UN actually has mages that can kill you for that but you don't care cos you HATE the other guy even more.

With J4 representing Demacia and Swain representing Noxus, the two of them were THE original representatives of the two nations' rivalry and duking it out constantly, way before Garen and Darius took on that posterboy roles later.

They even had a cinematic of them fighting each other for the Dominion game mode (the cinematic surprisingly was never released except airing on Twitch, so you won't find it on LoL's official YouTube).

Riot this year even reposted old artwork (actually a fan repaint of older artwork) which showed the then iconic clash between Jarvan IV and Swain for the Dominion map just like the cinematic. Except it's actually LeBlanc pretending to be Jarvan IV but no time to get into THAT old subplot in the old lore.

Basically what I'm saying, is that them HATING EACH OTHER was part of their lore and part of their entire deal. But when Swain got reworked, his entire rivalry with Jarvan IV evaporated and went into him now having beef with Irelia and Ionia, and barely with Demacia or J4.

This actually hurt Jarvan IV lore more than it did Swain, cos Swain got a whole bunch of new in-depth lore, Jarvan got zilch. Hell, in old lore, J4 was technically not even really him in several key moments, cos it was LeBlanc pretending to be him to stir up trouble.

But you know what? LeBlanc being Jarvan IV's mom, would actually bring J4 back into the lore drama, and give him significance. Cos it gives a reason for Swain, who we know is actually kinda hung up on LeBlanc in a borderline sexual harasser way, to actually hate Jarvan. Cos that might actually get to Swain, that she had a kid with someone else. Even if that was really a clone but at this point I don't even know how we differentiate between LeBlanc clones, seriously.

Plus we should note, this is a really interesting way the lore was reworked from LeBlanc kidnapping J4, using his blood to pretend to be J4 and power up Sion, all to help Swain become Grand General - and now we have not only Swain and LeBlanc being enemies, but poor Jarvan, is now a sidestory to them at best, and instead of being J4, LeBlanc's now J4's mom, possibly.

[wisteriagoesvroom]

18 & 63 for the trope mashup please! <3

18. Circus AU and 63. Everybody knows, mistaken for a couple ^from the prompt mash ups game!

This is a Cirque du Soleil AU where Norris and Piastri are two trapeze artists who made huge names for themselves in their individual countries. They get paired up for new show, and it involves a really tricky sequence that people are convinced is not possible and has never been done before, let alone by two guys.

They have a couple of near misses on the attempts to nail the trick, and the whole gang is watching carefully from the safety nets. People are biting their nails, and george is totally double checking the insurance papers and trying not to freak out.

Anyway, Oscar hangs upside down on the bar, totally chill. on the platform, Lando shakes the last of his nerves from his fingers. he slides a firm grip down his own bar, the one place that’s been so familiar for so many years, and he takes a breath. It’s beyond conscious thought, it’s just muscle memory, stepping into the air. With faith that the other man will meet him, in that millisecond between complete connection and the plummet.

Hands. It’s all in the hands. Lando's own fingertips moulding to the floor the first time he nailed a handstand, someone else’s careful hands that taught him his first few balances and tucks. The way his hands bled bloody and blistered, until he worked up the requisite strength.

Now, Lando grips the bar steady with both hands. Now, the steady rhythm in the pit of his stomach. Once, three times, four — the pendulum hits the peak of the apex.

Lando jackknifes through the air, and he’s twisting, house lights blurring in his vision.

Oscar waits, hands outstretched.

Then, a firm clasp from a smaller hand. Callouses pressed against his own. Years of practice, leading up to this point of contact.

His body knows before his mind does. The snap of gravity into the right place, when moving object meets opposing force. It’s Oscar’s counter-rhythm that stops him falling, Oscar’s nimble strength that matches his own. The way they do this in silence, carefully cultivated trust. In that moment, their bodies are a marvel of physics.

Below, the cast erupts in whoops and cheers. Lando wants to run around, wants to scream, but in that moment there’s not really an option - he just clasps Oscar’s forearms, and lets himself be swung.

“Well.” Oscar says, wry. “That was easy.”

Lando looks up. “Yeah. Only took fifty four tries.”

Lando can tell Oscar’s trying not to laugh. Oscar's hands stay steady though.

Someone captures the footage and it takes a while to get going, but then they’re doing numbers on socials. Cirque marketing figures this could get momentum and gradually shares more behind the scenes footage of them both: heads bowed together to talk about the tricks, tightening their wrist wraps, dusting chalk off each other, and laughing as they sip their energy drinks. They even get a portmanteau: landoscar.

The final show is obviously a massive hit. Lando and Oscar’s segment ends up being a lyrical interpretation of the life of a papaya or something. It’s Seb Vettel’s show about the lifespan of plants and bees so they’re just rolling with the vision.

When Pride comes around, the two of them step out to get coffee and a snack at their regular spot. The barista waves at them and says: “a year's free coffee for the happy couple! thank you so much for repping queer excellence in the arts.”

And Oscar’s like, “oh, uh. I mean. I am. But we– we’re not…”

Then Lando turns to him. The morning light looks good on Oscar. Oscar who always lends him sports tape, always lets him order lunch first, and always, always leans forward to catch him. In or out of the ring, he is the partner Lando trusts more than anything in the world.

So Lando tugs on Oscar’s hoodie sleeve, and is like: “actually, I’d meant to ask you…”

[ebonyslasher]

Slice of Life with Leo: Manhunt 2 Edition

Summary: Finally doing a request from some time ago with Leo/Black!Male reader. Just two guys running some errands. Well, errands specific to those who are being hunted.

Errands that include:

Money Sifting

"How much cash you counted?" Leo asks as he sifts through the pile of debit and credit cards beside him. His voice, as always, was gruff with a hint of suave. Just how you like it.

"About...$512 so far. Got a few more bills to go." You replied, slightly tired from last night's killing spree.

The battered old bed frame creaked as Leo laid back onto the shriveled mattress. A low, "Nice," floated from his mouth as he relaxed. You peer up to his carefree form and raise one eyebrow.

"And how many cards do you have?"

"30."

A low whistle left your lips as you counted the rest of your money. "That's a lot of bank accounts to run up." Excited about the substantial financial gain, you stood up and bounced onto the bed beside your dangerous lover.

You both developed a necessary 'hobby' that turned into some quiet bonding time as you two progressed on Leo's journey. Of course, you two bonded over killing your enemies. Taking turns hyping one another as each waste of life is destroyed is always entertaining.

But it was nice to silently pickpocket the blood-drenched corpses after a massacre. It'd be a stupid disappointment to let all that money go to waste. It wasn't like they were going to use the money.

"Yeah, but we gotta do it the smart way. We can't have the Project-"

"-Finding a way to track us. Which would get us killed. Yeah yeah, Leo. I know." You rolled your eyes. Being cautious was more than necessary in their situation. But, damn. How many times does he have to say the same thing?

"...you better be glad you got a nice ass. I would have killed you for that." Leo retorted.

"Would have done nothing. Now come on. I'm hungry."

Killing

"On your fucking left!"

Automatically, the jagged glass shard in your right hand ran towards the watchdog that got way too close to you. The shard tip carved a slit into the mans neck. Too focused on wiping the life out of your victim, you didn't notice Leo's hand clamp over the man's mouth to keep him from shouting.

Using your strength, you grab your victim's arm and pull his body further into the shadows. Thankfully, Leo follows your lead. Your large hands pushed the weapon and dug to sever the anterior jugular vein. The watchdog, deserving of his fate, loses his life force as it spills out of his wound.

"Cover his mouth while I get his legs," Leo whispers. You follow his instructions as you quickly replace Leo's hand over the victim's mouth. Leo grabs his legs to prevent him from kicking around. A few seconds later, the man passes in your arms.

You hide him in the corner of the shadowed wall behind you. Leo grabs you and yanks you close to him. His breath caresses your ear as he faintly barks his advice.

"Cover his mouth next fucking time. He could have shouted and alerted someone else." He hissed. He takes a deep breath as you wait for him to continue.

It was a few moments before Leo's grip loosened. His voice became softer. "Great reaction time, though. The fucker tapped out pretty fast," Leo complimented. He pressed a quick kiss against your ear before he pushed you away.

Grabbing Food

Intermittent smacks from hungry lips filled the air of the occupied, musty hotel room. Leo's tongue caressed yours, saliva exchanged in tandem. He grips your muscular legs as you glide down his hard torso with surprisingly soft hands. His hands shift upward to hold both sides of the yellow du-rag resting upon your head. Between kisses, you command, "Don't mess up my twist."

Leo ignores the command as he deepens the make-out session. Your hand that caressed his chest started to go down to his pants, unbuttoning them before-

A loud growl broke the growing tension in the air.

With as much tact as a hyena, Leo said, "Damn I'm fuckin starvin!"

Side-eying him, you're pissed at the interruption. Leo's stupid stomach is giving you blue balls for no reason. You didn't care that he was hungry.

Feeling petty, you smirk. You just knew exactly what to say to piss him off. In retaliation, you joke, "You starving for this bussy?"

Leo stares blankly before grabbing a pillow and throwing it at your head. "I never want to hear you say that again," he states flatly as you guffaw.

"Seriously, y/n we need to get some food." He whines.

"Alright, alright, we'll get food. But we're continuing this later." The pillow that hit your head was thrown off to the side. Readjusting yourself as you stand up, you grab your temporary wallet and your hoodie that you stole from someone's closet. Leo was doing the same.

You both walk out, creating distance to minimize suspicion. You spotted a Bendy's across the way. You nod your head towards the building. Leo took in the surroundings, pleased that no hunters were around. It was safe.

It's only a few minutes later that you both get your meals and head back to the hotel room. At the first bite of his burger, Leo sighs. "Man, that hits the spot."

While chewing your burger, you simply replied, "It really do."

Scouting Houses

"...what about that house?" You asked, pointing to a red brick house near the end of the street. It was the typical American-style home, one that was obviously built in a few weeks. It didn't stand out from the others, a picture-perfect copy of the houses next door. Except, there were no cars in the driveway, and the lights were off. The perfect home to break into.

Leo observed the house before nodding. "We can check that one. There's another one that'd be good, too, a few doors down." He stated, pointing to a brown industrial-style house. The design was sleek and almost too practical. It was a military man's dream house come true. And like the one you chose, it had no car or lights on.

But....

"You don't think that stands out too much? That's the only one in that style." That house was unique. Well, at least compared to the others surrounding it. Not a place to choose to break into, especially when trying to be cautious.

However, when it comes to houses, Leo tends to choose the ones he likes visually over the logistics of their...special situation.

"It's a fucking house, y/n. It looks fucking practical. I'm sure everything in there is something useful instead of these sugar cookie full-of-shit cutter houses." Leo retorts.

Slightly offended, you say, "Well damn. I didn't know you liked it that much. You act like it's your house."

"Obviously damn not. Like I said, there could be useful shit in there. But we'll check out your ugly house first." Leo starts to walk off as you sit there bewildered.

Man, it was like he was picking out a house for them to live in.

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

@thehaikuman here it is! Thank you again for agreeing to help me :]

All of what I translated so far under the cut

Bold text means I'm not sure of the word(s) I used (except for the 'bald', that one is on purpose bc it's funnier that way)

Asterisks mean it's an alternative; that I'm not sure between two translations

Slashes mean I don't know what to put, so I didn't put anything (for now)

01:17 – At last, after nearly 6 months of absence, they finally pull their fingers out

[NEWS: Those slacker from Re: Take are finally back · Diabl0x9: He’s finally back on OnlyFans]

01:21 – nobody believed in it anymore!

[NEWS: Those slacker from Re: Take are finally back · Diabl0x9: He’s finally back on OnlyFans]

01:22 – The big fat worm here, that’s me – Takemichi Hanagaki

[NEWS: JDGate: The corpse of the ex-body double of the man with the Hawaiian shirt found in a canal (reference to one of the most famous French youtuber, ‘Joueur du Grenier’ (‘player from the attic’) also known as ‘JDG’]

01:26 – 26, single, and invisible like air

01:29 – Now for the news,

[NEWS: St Valentine: if you want to spend the day with Leo TechMaker, does Leo ��Take my heart’?]

01:31 – a huge ‘Serves you right!’ for the Tachibana family

01:32 – their daughter Hinata got fucked over really good as they say

[NEWS: “Do we hear me right in the sound controls? In how long are we live? Oh yes, I’d like a bit of water”, Emmanuel Macron’s declaration shocks the opposition]

01:34 – their daughter Hinata got fucked over really good as they say

[A NON-TACHIBANAL CASE: the chick is dead.]

01:36 – but it’s okay, at least no man died, it was a woman

[NEWS: The case of Feldup fell down: How did the young man trip up on his bathroom rug? (Feldup is a French youtuber)]

01:38 – we’re not going to make a big deal out of it.

01:39 – –Ah, wait!

[NEWS: Billy, the end of his carrier: Was this Arab truly so determined? (play of word bc his channel name can be translated as ‘DeterminedArab’)]

01:40 – someone tells me through the earpiece that her little brother, who’s a man, is dead

[THE COUNTRY GRIEVING: A man died]

01:44 – In this case, it’s a tragedy – a national tragedy, the whole country is shaken

01:47 – We are truly distraught, we wish good luck to the Tachibana family

[ALERT: Takemichi elected the most beautiful ass of the year according to the last survey of IFOP (French Institute of Public Opinion(that’s a real institute))]

01:49 – – but also good riddance.

[ALERT: Re:Take followers elected best community in the world]

01:50 – (announcer voice) It was misogy-news!

X

01:51 – I feel deeply saddened.

01:53 – Is it because I watch right-wing news

[(the tv news was a parody of a real French tv news)]

01:54 – or because the only woman I’ve ever loved just got squashed in a wall by a 36-tons truck in a very graphic way?

01:59 – Where am I going? Where am I running-ing? Where is it leading me-ing?

02:01 – I’m really in a standstill. If only someone could push me to–

02:05 – I instantly regret choosing those words!

X

02:09 – Unbelievable. I’m not dead.

02:11 – Fuck it, what’s this look? I changed my mind actually I wanna die!

02:14 – Takemichi, you get your ass moving? –Ah? Yeah! Coming!

02:17 – If I understand correctly, I time jumped

02:19 – It’s 2005, 12 years into the past

02:20 – I’ll use the lotto numbers and become rich!

02:23 – No, I don’t have the lotto numbers

02:24 – Well scratch that. What striking thing happened in 2005?

02:32 – Right, make a fortune is out. But no big deal, everything was going well in 2005, I was the neighborhood king!

X

02:35 – You’re the neighborhood little bitch!

02:38 – So that’s what we call ‘selective memory’…

02:39 – Don’t make this face, Takemichi. It’s going to be okay.

02:42 – Thanks you, Akkun.

02:43 – I swear, you’re unique dude, there’s only one like you

02:45 – Stop it, you don’t mean it

02:47 – I do, I swear. You didn’t listen to what that guy said? You’re…

02:49 – The neighborhood little bitch!

02:52 – Takemichi, come back! We’re going to the cybercafe to pay a huge amount of money to spend 5 minutes on the Internet!

02:56 – What great times to live in!

X

02:58 – What shitty times. Except for the games and movies which came out this year

03:00 – Not kidding, I’m talking directly to the viewers: go check all the crazy stuffs that came out between 2004 and 2005. Even so –

03:05 – What shitty times.

03:06 – I should still take advantage of the situation to go see Hinata

03:09 – Hi, Takemichi. What’s wrong? You don’t look well.

03:11 – Forget it, Hinata. I think today is the worst day of my life

03:14 – You got hurt? Come here, I’ll kiss it all better.

03:17 – I have to save this girl, marry her, succeed my studies and buy a Honda

03:22 – Fuck, I’m so happy! I’m really starting to understand why my therapist told me I’m bipolar–

03:25 – And so it makes me sad.

X

03:26 – I feel deeply sad. I feel like my life is going nowhere

03:30 – Anyway, it was really nice to have offered to listen to me!

03:33 – I didn’t offer anything. I was swinging, you racketeered me ten bucks and you demanded that I listen to you or be subject to consequences

03:38 – You’re really a nice guy, Naoto.

03:39 – Leave me alone, please

03:41 – Listen closely, I have to tell you something. You’re about to die.

03:43 – No! Wait! I listened to you like you requested even if it was really fucking boring!

03:47 – I don’t have any money left but if you want I have a Chelsea bun crushed in my bag!

03:49 – That’s not what I meant to say!

03:51 – Wait, a Chelsea bun? Nobody eat Chelsea bun

03:53 – And what do you mean ‘fucking boring’?!

03:55 – Anyway.

03:56 – You’re Hinata’s little brother, right? In twelve years, your sister and yourself will be targeted by a gang and unfortunately, you both die

04:02 – That’s terrible!

04:03 – I know. And you believed me very easily.

04:05 – Naoto. You have to become a police officer, you’ll be capable of protecting your sister that way.

04:08 – Okay!

04:09 – You’re really believing me very easily

04:11 – Well then, make the most of it to become rich. Think about investing all your money in–

04:15 – Wait. Come closer. Invest all your money in *caws makes it impossible to hear what is being said*

04:18 – Ok, Takemichi.

04:19 – Great! Good luck, Naoto

X

04:22 – Takemichi. I did all of what you told me. Unfortunately, Hinata didn’t survive

04:25 – But I did it, I officially work for the police and we’re going to be able to work together to save my sister!

04:28 – That’s great news!

04:30 – And by the way, ‘investing all I have in sporks’? really?!

04:34 – You couldn’t have told me to buy BitCoin?!

04:35 – No, it pollutes

04:36 – Do you really want to become a megalomaniac multimillionaire?

04:38 – Yes.

04:39 – Who owns a luxury cars company?

04:40 – Yes!

04:41 – A space rockets company?!

04:42 – YES!

04:43 – I get it. I’m sorry, I didn’t know what BitCoin was…

X

04:45 – Mission: save Hinata

04:46 – Let’s recap the situation:

04:47 – The entire city is under the influence of the Tokyo Manji kai,

04:49 – a sprawling mafia whose bosses have eyes everywhere

04:51 – Don’t take it in the literal sense,

04:53 – they both only have two eyes.

04:54 – And by ���them both’ I mean those two:

04:56 – His name is Manjiro Sano, also known under the name ‘Mikey’

04:58 – as for him, it’s Tetta Kisaki.

05:00 – Between us we’ll call him ‘fucking bastard, shitty low-down dog’

05:03 – Excuse me for that. I watched the rest of the series, and you’re going to understand –

05:05 – he’s a fucking bastard. – If you say so

05:06 – Before I explain my plan, do you have any question?

05:08 – I do.

05:09 – First, I love your skin texture, may you give me the name of your day cream?

05:12 – And, thennnnnnn

05:14 – How did you succeed to take pictures this close to them, no jokes?

05:16 – [Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:20 – I can see you.

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:21 – Ninja!

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:25 – I can see you!

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:31 – I can see you!

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:40 – I can see you.

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:45 – Dude, get the hell out of my house, for real.

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:46 – (muffled) Ninja!

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:47 – I have my methods.

05:48 – Takemichi. You have to prevent Tetta Kisaki from corrupting the Tokyo Manji kai.

05:52 – You have to prevent him from meeting Mikey, no matter the cost.

05:54 – It’s because of

05:55 – – this fucking bastard –

05:56 – of Kisaki if the gang became that violent nowadays

05:58 – But how could I recognize him?

05:59 – Who is that, Kisaki?

06:00 – Don’t worry about it, you can’t miss him, you can smell the bastard at 20 miles

06:03 – Okay. We’ll do it, Naoto.

06:05 – We will save Hinata!

06:07 – See you 12 years ago!

06:09 – (whining) Oh no, damn it! My punchline was great, why isn’t it working?

06:12 – Your hands are really soft. Is it the same cream you use for your face?

06:15 – It was already awkward, you just made it worse

06:16 – Perhaps if you tighten your grip a bit more…

06:19 – Ouch! I say ‘a bit more’, you’re truly a jerk!

X

06:20 – (crowd shouting in the background)

06:21 – (crowd shouting in the background)

What did you sAY

06:23 – (crow shouting in the background)

You want me to smash your fACE IN?

06:24 – (crow shouting in the background)

You’re nuts!

Takemichi: oh, no… It looks like it’s gonna be a very long day…

06:27 – 🎶Takemitchi gets his ass beat all the time🎶

06:30 – 🎶It’s truly not pleasant🎶

06:33 – Kiyomasa: Can’t hear your bigmouth anymore, UH?

06:34 – 🎶Is this girl worth loosing one’s teeth?🎶

06:37 – 🎶Frankly, I would have scram a long time ago🎶

X

06:41 – So? Not so clever now, eh?

06:43 – In my opinion, you’re the one who’s not clever

06:44 – Wh– No, it’s him!

06:45 – Over there… There!

06:50 – Hi

06:53 – [Mikey

“Hi.”]

06:54 – What’s your name?

06:55 – Takemichi

06:56 – You sure have a good nerve, Takemibitch

06:58 – If you don’t laugh I’ll turn your mother into an NFT

06:59 – (forced laughter)

07:00 – Did someone already tell you you were the (both:) neighborhood little bitch?

07:03 – Yeah, yeah, I know

07:04 – Come with me, we’re going to do real Japanese thugs’ stuffs

X

07:06 – *ding-ding*

07:08 – You see it, all the violence? That’s what the real hood is about

07:11 – Wow, I’m bowled over by it (sarcasm)

07:12 – (reference to a French TV station)

(stereotypical voice-over) To go for a ride by the bank of a river

07:15 – (stereotypical voice-over) talking about friendship, wind in the hair

07:17 – (stereotypical voice-over) while admiring a setting-sun...

07:18 – (stereotypical voice-over) A real atmosphere of TERROR in the land of the raising sun.

07:22 – You know Takemiwhine, I respect you a lot

07:23 – (not believing it) Oh really?

07:24 – You’re someone admirable

07:25 – (still not believing it) Yeah?

07:26 – You’re like a brother to me

07:27 – uh-huh

07:28 – And in the gang, we brothers love each other very muchhhhhhhh

07:31 – (starting to get fearful) And what does that mean?

07:32 – Take out your takemidick

07:34 – eh?

07:35 – nooOOOOoooOOOOOOO

X

07:36 – It’s all good, Naoto! I did it!

07:37 – That’s great! So it’s over?

07:39 �� Yeah, I did it, I screwed your sister!

07:41 – eh?

07:42 – You saved my sister

07:44 – I- s-

07:45 – saved.

07:46 – Yeah. Yeahyeahyeah

07:47 – I, I, I saved her. I saved her all properly.

07:51 – But I forgot my keys back there

07:52 – You can’t forget an object in a time travel!

07:53 – oh boy, I’m going to miss my time jump– (play of word with ‘sauter’=jump, screw. ‘I’m going to miss [the opportunity of] screwing your sister)

07:55 – [second take, let’s try again]

07:56 – Takemichi, you’re back?

07:57 – Yes. And I have bad news.

07:59 – First, Hinata is dead, that didn’t change

08:01 – And second, my keys are, oh my! completely lost (chuckles)

08:03 – True. Hinata’s still dead

08:05 – We don’t have the choice, we’re going to investigate

08:06 – Do you recognize him?

08:07 – Is that Akkun? What a huge pompadour

08:09 – Puberty doesn’t help everyone

X

08:11 – Oh fuck, it’s worse than on the picture I haven’t been that disappointed since my last Tinder date

08:13 – Excuse me?

08:14 – It’s not to me you own apologies.

08:16 – You own apologies to yourself to have inflicted this look on you

08:18 – excuse me?

08:19 – STOP apologizing all the time, it’s tiring

08:21 – Why are we on the roof?

08:22 – I’m sorry Takemichi.

08:26 – –I’m taking back what I said, apologize.

08:23 – Would you stop apologizing, dammit?!

08:25 – I’m the one who pushed you under the train

08:27 – It’s because of this Tetta Kisaki bastard. He forced me to do it

08:30 – What? He threatened your family?!

08:31 – Well there’s that…

08:32 – And he handed me a huge check

08:33 – I thought we were friends!

08:35 – Yeah, friends among other things…

08:37 – but you didn’t call often, the check was really big

08:39 – But since you busted me, I have remorse now

08:40 (sad music starts to play)

08:41 – Takemichi, I always loved my friends as if they were my brothers

08:43 – (sad music stops) ‘as if they were my brothers’ actual brothers, or…?

08:45 – (naive) like brothers.

08:46 – Whew.

08:47 – Do you want me to yell out my love for you?

08:49 – Yell out your love for me?

08:50 – Yeah.

08:51 – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

08:54 – OH MY GOD

08:57 – MY CAR (starts crying)

X

09:00 – I think the investigation is going...

09:01 – -very fast?

09:02 – Not at all. I don’t know how you work things out. You’re the most incompetent man that I’ve never seen

09:04 – yipee…

09:05 – Okay, since visibly I’m talking to Einstein, I’ll explain everything to you again

09:08 – Mikey is being manipulated since Draken’s death

09:10 – He was the only one who succeeded to contain Mikey’s anger

09:12 – So, to avoid the corruption of the Tokyo Manji kai, you have to…

09:15 – sleep with your sister!

09:16 – There it goes…

09:17 – –what you shouldn’t be saying. Why?

09:19 – Well I don’t know

09:20 – When I, I do know

09:21 – I love Pierre Niney in ‘La Flamme’ [French reference. French actor & French comedic series – one of his line is “when I, I do know”]

09:22 – Let’s go, Takemichi! You have to go save Draken!

09:24 – Screw Draken!

09:25 – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

09:28 – No.

09:29 – You’re not a fun person.

09:30 – If my intel is exact, exactly 12 years ago from now, Mikey and Draken got into a fight

09:35 – That’s probably what caused the split of the Tokyo Manji kai and soon after: Draken’s death

09:39 – Your mission if you accept it

09:40 – – and you don’t have any other choice –

09:41 – [gasp]

09:42 – It’s to go do everything you have to to avoid this dispute

09:43 – A street fight between two gang members, how does it look like?

X

09:46 – [western soundtrack] Well, well, well, isn’t it the little runt?

09:49 – It doesn’t smell too much like feet when you’re 110 centimeters tall?

09:51 – You speak a lot, tall string bean

09:52 – I spoke to your girl, it seems the dragon on your temple is to compensate for the one you don’t have in your pants?

09:56 – thEy’rE BLoWing a fUsE

09:58 – How violent! Someone call the police!

10:00 – Guys! Stop!

10:02 – Have you look at yourselves, really?

10:03 – You are slaves of a system where people see each other without looking at each other,

10:06 – hear each other without listening to each other!

10:07 – There’s only war and conflict. Always war!

10:10 – Couldn’t we just stop to fight each other for five minutes?!!

10:12 – Woaw, Takemichi, what you just said that’s…

10:15 – That’s so boring I forgot what we were yelling at each other

10:17 – Real. Let’s go drink a bier while smoking a good colombian cigarro

10:20 – We’re minors, dude

10:21 – Real. Let’s go drink a caprisun and eat cotton candy at the amusement park

10:24 – We’re in the hood, bro.

X

10:25 – I’m cold, Takemichi

10:26 – ah okay, without any transition

10:28 – Listen. I believe it’s the right time.

10:29 – If you have things to tell me, things to confess…

10:31 – Whatever you have in your heart, I’m ready to hear it

10:33 – Well, everybody insinuates you’re my girlfriend since the start, including in front of you, so… That’s not really a secret, is it?

10:38 – We all have secrets, Takemichi

10:39 – Yes, but that one is not one

10:41 – Kiss me.

10:42 – Oh my god, that’s real, that’s happening!

10:43 – And Naoto is only a little brat who can’t cockblock me!

10:45 – This time I’m going to s–

10:46 – [ringtone. The song is called ‘Time Time’ ;p]

10:48 – Hello?!

10:49 – [Naoto:] –ave. [Takemichi:] What?

10:50 – You’re going to sAVE her.

10:51 – Naoto, you’re calling me through time and space now?!!?!

10:52 – When it’s my sister we’re talking about, I don’t joke around at all, dude

10:54 – Alright…Saving Draken, not touching your sister

10:57 – THANK YOU.

10:58 – [jinggle] Particularly since she’s super minor

X

11:00 – Back to the mission, we’re going to save Draken!

11:02 – –Stab Draken.

11:03 – Dude, you already told me on the phone!

11:04 – Yeah? Well I say it again,

11:05 – in case an eventual watcher would want to make the intrigue of an anime in which he’s the protagonist going

11:09 – Uh… You’re asking yourself some really meta-physic questions, bro

11:11 – Yeah, I have anxiety disorders, I sleep bad at night, my hamster is sick, his name is Crumbs

11:15 – Okay, I have to follow those guys without getting caught

11:17 – Where I am, I’m literally undetectable

11:18 – All I have to do is remain discreet –

11:20 – Guys, I found a dude behind the poleeee

11:21 – Wuahhahahha

X

11:22 – Shitty pole, shitty Draken, everything’s shitty, I’m tired of this shitty life!

11:27 – Takemichi, is it you?

11:28 – Shitty Hinata!

11:29 – I love you, Takemichi

11:30 – Lovely Hinata.

11:31 – I saw what those boys did to you, it’s terrible

11:33 – I’m weak, Hinata…

11:34 – Takemichi, you know…

11:36 – It doesn’t matter if you’re not like Mikey and Draken

11:38 – True, they are…

11:40 – A lot more handsome, strong, smart, powerful, charismatic

11:42 – Great.

11:43 – Yeah, great, too

11:44 – Wondrous!

11:46 – It’s ‘wonderful’, dummie. And they are too, but you see Takemichi, the one I chose is you.

11:50 – I have a kink on ugly people.

11:51 – Ah.

11:52 – Huge victims, bleach blond guys who whine all the time, tied-up in the mud like big losers! I like that a lot!

11:57 – Uh… thanks a lot

11:58 – Really, what a loser.

11:59 – [Takemichi chuckles bitterly] What a sucker! [Takemichi: great!]

12:00 – What a failure [Takemichi: it’s getting long] Your mom have to regret you so much!

12:02 – Stop pushing it, shut up!

X

12:04 – Draken, beware those guys want to kill you!

12:06 – Is that so? They aren’t here to play Uno?

12:07 – What make you think that??

12:08 – The fact there’s fifty of them?

12:09 – the baseball bats?

12:10 – or the fact they already beat the shit out of me, ASSHOLE?!!??!?

12:12 – You just all collectively decided to bust my balls today or what?!!

12:14 – Don’t worry, I’m here!

12:16 – [Mikey

“Nobody has to worry, he’s here.”]

12:17 – And above all, I have a plan!

12:19 – [Mikey

“And above all, he has a plan.”]

12:20 – So you’re Mikey

12:21 – [tries to kick Hanma’s face, fails]

12:23 – OK, I don’t have a plan anymore!

12:24 – [Takemichi] Your plan was just to kick him in the jaw?!!?!

12:26 – [Mikey] I’m a lil vandal from the neighborhood, not a military strategist

12:28 – [Toman] Don’t worry, guys!

12:31 – [Takemichi] Oh wow! The Tokyo Manji kai is entirely here!

12:35 – Uh… And so? What do we do?

12:37 – [Mikey] Well I don’t know. Uh... There are rules to start? Or a turn of phrase that I could use to start this confrontation?

12:44 – Fuck ‘em up!!!

12:45 – Thanks, I’ll remember it!

X

12:49 – Wait I have another plan to stop this massacre!

12:51 – I’m going to show them my powers

12:54 – Come here, you

12:55 – Uh, what the fuck are you doing, let me go!

12:56 – Shhh, relax yourself, your eyelids are heavy

12:59 – What the fuck is he doing?

13:00 – Think of a sound that soothes you like…

13:01 – A fork scratching against a plate!

13:03 – It doesn’t relax me at all, I want to punch someone

13:05 – [Draken:] Mikey for the fiftieth time this week, you are not a hypnotist!

13:08 – Wait, I’m sure he’s thinking of the number 5!

13:10 – That’s mentalism, not hypnotism!

13:12 – Yeah, and sorry but I was thinking of the number 7

13:13 – Shit.

X

13:14 – I have to find Draken!

13:15 – I know my therapist tells me I’m paranoiac but I’m convinced that a protagonist from a manga published in the weekly shonen jump magazine is observing me.

13:21 – And so I’m going to announce out loud what I just did.

13:23 – I stabbed Draken~

13:25 – DRAKENNNN!!!!

X

13:27 – Well frankly I’m fine

13:28 – You must be joking, there was 2 litters of blood on the ground

13:30 – Well if there’s 2 out it leaves 3 inside

13:32 – It’s… Factually correct

13:34 – It’s more than enough to vascularize my two enormous balls

13:35 – …

13:37 – Okay.

13:38 – And when will you be able to walk again?

13:40 – Well here, right now

13:41 – Ah, great

13:42 – And you know what, the guy may have stabbed me in the stomach but my digestive system is still intact, watch this-

13:46 – Draken!

13:47 – One second- – Draken!

X

13:48 – Takemichi, you saved Draken!?

13:49 – I don’t know if that’s exactly like that I’d say it but–

13:52 – YOU SCREWED DRAKEN?!!???!

13:53 – That’s not what I meant!

13:55 – Either way, I have good news for you, Takemichi

13:56 – Hinata!

13:57 – Takemichi!

13:58 – Enjoy it! [whisper:] It’s not going to last

13:59 – What?

14:00 – Let’s go, it’s time for the date! Have a nice evening!

14:01 – [whispering] It’s going to be short [Hinata:] What?

X

14:02 – This date is so romantic

14:04 – I love being left to gather dust for thirty minutes alone in a car

14:07 – Well… I’m going to put some music…

[the soundtrack is a famous short French song where children ask their father to push on the ‘mushroom’/throttle pedal if he’s a ‘champion’]

14:14 – [GAME!]

14:16 – Hinata, NO!

14:17 – Quick, get out of here!

14:18 – I don’t get out of here before the release of What The Cut 38! [a series of videos well-known and legendary of French Youtube. Stopped years ago after episode 37. Some people are still asking for more despite the creator’s refusal]

14:20 – Hinata, you can’t reasonably stay in an ablaze car for eternity!

14:24 – Well if that’s the case, not before Michel Drucker’s death! [well-known French TV presenter. Has been doing his job for years, still isn’t retiring. French equivalent of Elisabeth II (until she died at least)]

14:25 – Be realistic, it’s never going to happen!

14:28 – He’s almost 80 years old! Maybe at the moment people are watching this video he’s already–

14:30 – Shh, shh, shh. Listen to me closely

14:32 – You speak ill of whoever you want, but not my Mich-Mich, ‘kay?

X

14:34 – [bored voice-over] We today weep for Hinata Tachibana’s death

14:36 – Well, you cry, I personally don’t give a shit

14:38 – [Takemichi thinking] I’m sure there was better picture of her

14:40 – Fate persists, I wonder what may have killed her

14:42 – Well the truck that charged into her, isn’t that what you told me?

14:45 – Ah, yeah, yeah, that, the truck… [the joke is that he choked her in the car for speaking ill of Michel Drucker]

14:46 – If Draken’s death isn’t the problem it means it comes from somewhere

14:49 – No kidding…

14:50 – We don’t have any choice left, we have to get rid of the source of evil, we have to stop of Tetta Kisaki

14:54 – How can we do that?

14:55 – Honestly,/

14:56 – Liar, you’re not even /

14:57 – I’m going to /

14:58 – That’s what is called a pleonasm,

14:59 – /

15:00 – Well, fuck it, I have no more idea, manage by yourself so Kisaki does not go up in the Tokyo Manji kai hierarchy.

X

15:06 – Congrats, Tetta Kisaki, you go up in Tokyo Manji kai hierarchy!

15:07 – [Takemichi] You must be kidding me!!!

15:09 – No, I’m not. For example, there I am: Where do biscuits go to dance?

15:13 – [random Toman member] To the bisco club!

15:14 – [Mikey, whining] That’s not fair, they already knew it…

X

15:15 – Tetta doesn’t seem to be joking around...

15:17 – He’s truly scary

15:18 – Murderous look, eyebrows shaped like devil horns, small earring…

15:21 – Dude’s well-groomed

15:22 – In reality I could go stab him right at this very moment and take care of the problem!

15:25 – [punch & pain sounds]

15:27 – But no! We are going to get into a ‘peace&love’ plot, without violence, without going overboard, without doing anything!

X

15:30 – It’s time to get crazily violent

15:32 – This bastard, Baji left to join Walhalla

15:34 – What? He died a true viking while doing honor to Odin?

15:36 – Not at all, that’s the name of the gang opposite

15:38 – It’s too complicated, there’s too many gang…

15:40 – It’s the series principle: war among gangs

15:41 – You think that’s what we call a ‘Gang Bang’?

15:45 – … Anyway, bring me Baji back

X

15:46 – Hi. Kazutora.

15:47 – What do you mean ‘Kazugotya’? Who’s he? He’s following me? Who’s that ‘Kazu’?

15:50 – Nah, that’s my name

15:51 – Your nana?!!

15:52 – You’re really gonna have to make an effort here, bro

15:53 – Uh, Where are you bringing me to?

15:54 – Don’t worry, we’re going to check on some friends

15:55 – [Chifuyu’s sounds]

15:58 – It… It does check hard

16:00 – Get in.

16:01 – No… Thanks

16:02 – Get in.

16:03 – [Takemichi whining+Chifuyu’s sounds]

16:04 – Do you know the shared trait between a magician with a cold and your mother last night?

16:07 – Both do extraordinary things and shout “Baji! Baji”! (‘magic! magic!’ But pronounced with a cold)

16:10 – [Chifuyu] He’s getting ratio-ed and he’s yelling ‘baji-baji’?

16:13 – Big flop!

16:15 – Baji! Uh… Come back?

16:17 – Don’t wanna

16:18 – Fuck, he’s good at this!

X

16:19 – [Chifuyu crying]

16:20 – Ah! You speak Crybaby too!?

16:21 – I’m not a crybaby, I just got my face bashed in

16:23 – Come on, please, to make me happy…

16:25 – Okay, alright…

16:26 – [(cry)baby language]

16:28 – What?!! I’ve never heard such shocking language!

16:30 – Is that so? And if I told you I had the key to who is hiding behind Valhalla gang?

16:32 – What key, that key?!! (*alternatively: A key? What key?)

16:33 – Ah, you knew it too?

16:34 – Well no, I’m asking you

16:36 – But you just said it

16:37 – Uh?

16:38 – Uh?

16:39 – Ohhhhhhhh!… No, I don’t get it

16:40 – Well, Key-that-key (*key-what-key) in one word it’s…

16:42 – A syntaxical mistake…

16:43 – That’s not– ‘Tetta’

16:44 – You, /

16:45 – Tetta Kisaki!

16:47 – Well, ‘Gesundheit’! What do you want me to say?!!!

X

16:48 – Kisaki is the one leading Walhalla

16:50 – wuHAT. Hell and damnation! I’m staggered!

16:52 – Draken – you are BALD?!!!????!

16:54 – [Draken] It’s him, I don’t have the shadow of a doubt

16:55 – Nor the shadow of a single hair!

X

16:56 – I have no idea on how to stop Tetta Kisaki

16:58 – With handcuffs? – Shut the fuck up

16:59 – By reading him his right…

17:01 – Why did I trust you… Give me a real idea!

17:03 – Okay, mark carefully everything I’m going to tell you

17:04 – On Halloween there’s going to be a real blood bath, a brawl between Walhalla and Toman. It’s the moment where Mikey is going to start to lose it. Because Baji is going to die and Mikey will take out his frustration on Kazutora until he dies. It’s easy: I need to prevent Baji’s death and avoid that Mikey flips out. What do you think?

17:18 – Two out of ten

17:19 – Uh?

17:20 – No, not ‘one’, two out of ten

17:21 – What are you talking about?

17:22 – Well you told me to mark everything you were telling me

17:23 – / Not like that, mark with a pen!

17:26 – Ah, well I can mark your grade on a sheet if you want but I don’t see where it leads us to

17:29 – Rrrrrrahhhhh

17:30 – Send me back!

17:31 – Uh… /

17:32 – Send me back in time!

X

17:33 – Listen, Kazutora, we have to start up anew with a healthy beginning

17:36 – You know, we were all tight-knight back then,

17:38 – and nobody understood why you’re that angry with Mikey

17:40 – That’s not difficult, I killed his brother

17:41 – You see, that’s precisely that nobody understands

17:43 – I killed this dude’s brother, I’m not going to FORGIVE him

17:46 – Do you listen to yourself when you talk? Do-Do you even understand yourself?

17:49 – I kill this dude’s brother and he’s there chill and he has the audacity to look at me in the eyes

17:52 – Mister, is there a medical history of strokes in your family?

17:54 – Time will probably do what it does. But if I kill his mom by then he’s going to hear me!

17:58 – Fuck it, you’re only taking shit!

17:59 – I got it, between us there won’t be any truce!

X

18:01 – Enough with the yakking, fuckers,

18:03 – This clash will be a logic test.

18:05 – Is that okay with you, Kazutora?

18:08 – WHY AM I HITTING YOU??? EXPLAIN!! I HATE YOU!!!

18:11 – Well, then we’ll do that by fighting

18:13 – oh fuck yeah.

18:14 – Hey, Mikey!

18:15 – Remind me: how do you start a clash, already?

18:18 – [inhale] FUCK ‘EM UP!!!!

18:19 – YEAH!!!!

X

18:22 – I warned you, Mikey!

18:23 – You can flee all you want

18:24 – – Kazutora-gotya!

18:25 – You wield the language great, but we’re going to see this

18:27 – BEWARE, HERE IT GOES,

18:28 – MIKEY-KICK!

X

18:30 – Gabriel Chantouin, you are a physic professor at Sorbonne, what do you think about what we just saw?

18:36 – It’s shit

18:38 – [inhale]… Thank you, Gabriel Chantouin–

X

18:40 – Guys! Mikey is exhausted

18:41 – Time to beat the fuck out of him at 60 versus 1 with blunt objects while he has no way of retaliating!

18:47 – Like real men?!!

18:48 – Like real men!!!

18:49 – YEAH!!!

18:50 – No, MIKEYYYYYYY!!!

18:51 – Hold, stop!

18:52 – Wait, zoom?

18:53 – Oh wow

18:54 – WoaOOOAaooAAw

X

18:56 – Gabriel Chantouin, you are still a physic professor at Sorbonne

18:59 – What do you think about the prominence of the posterior of the young man we just saw?

19:03 – Like we said back in my days:

19:04 – it’s an ass for champions.

19:06 – …

19:07 – Thank you, Gabriel Chantouin–

X

19:09 – Baji, you shouldn’t do that alone!

19:11 – What are you talking about?

19:12 – Stop playing innocent,

19:13 – we’ll both say what we think at the same time!

19:15 – One, two, three!

19:17 – Baji: go out with Madison Beer

Chifuyu: Stop Tetta Kisaki!

19:18 – Madison Beer? But, what about Tetta Kisaki?

19:20 – Uh… Tetta Kisaki, yeah, yeah he’s my goal

19:22 – Well, no, not to go out with him, but stop him, I…

19:25 – Fuck.

19:26 – You have a plan of action?

19:27 – Yeah, first step is to type to survive

X

19:29 – AAaaaAAOUCH

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BAJI!

19:31 – WHY DID YOU STAB MY RIB, YOU ASS?

19:33 – THIS IS ALL MIKEY’S FAULT!

19:34 – AND HIS BROTHER!

19:35 – AND THIS ICE CREAM MAN AT THIS SQUARE TWO YEARS AGO

19:37 – WHO GAVE ME A PISTACHIO SUPPLEMENT

19:39 – WHEN I DIDN’T ASK FOR IT!!!

X

19:40 – Hi.

19:41 – It’s the voice-over.

19:42 – I wasn’t there in the previous parody video

19:43 – It feels weird, doesn’t it?

19:44 – Yeah…

19:45 – And now, a brief sum up of episode 21:

19:47 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:48 – Wait, he’s going to kill him at this point

19:49 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:50 – Maybe we should separate them?

19:51 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:52 – So young and so dead!

19:53 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:54 – Why do none of these assholes lift a finger?!!

19:55 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:56 – Wait, I just got stabbed and nobody gives a shit?

19:58 – My natural need for attention is not met!

20:01 – GUYS!

20:02 – (ah, I stop moving)

20:03 – The samurai tried to commit seppuku

20:05 – But he failed,

20:07 – he didn’t have the guts to do it!

20:08 – Unlike me!

20:11 – (Woaw, awk–ward) (*the guy’s awkward)

X

20:13 – Repeat after me Kazutora, this is all…

20:16 – Baji’s fault?

20:17 – No! That’s not the right answer, Kazutora! Bad!

20:20 – It’s, it’s…

20:21 – The ice cream man’s fault!

20:22 – No, Kazutora! Very badly answered, bad boy! (*naughty boy=

20:24 – (whines)

20:25 – /

20:27 – /

20:28 – /

20:29 – /

20:30 – (whines)

20:31 – Go ahead and rot in jail, Crazytora

20:32 – Wuuhat?

X

20:34 – Welcome to your house, Master Takemichi!

20:36 – The timeline changed: I’m a high-ranking yakuza

20:38 – Which means…

20:40 – Which means!

20:41 – Hinata Tachibana is dead.

20:42 – I don’t give a single fuck! I’m rich!

20:44 – I can pay an escort twice as hot!

20:46 – I can finally live as I want to!

X

20:47 – You’re going to die here and now

20:49 – Who’s this guy!?

20:50 – Takemichi, times changed

20:52 – Nowadays I am at the top of a financial empire

20:54 – I have an army ready to kneel for me

20:56 – And contrary to the comedian voicing me,

20:58 – – I still have hair

20:59 – Eh!

21:02 – [moan]

21:03 – [through gritted teeth] Tetta… How do you do to--

21:05 – Have eyebrows this greatly trimmed?

21:06 – It’s two hours every week at the esthetician’s on Mondays at 2:30 pm,

21:10 – Sabrina truly has nimble fingers

21:11 – I was mainly wondering how you can sleep at night, you filthy monster!

21:14 – It’s easy really, 2 hours of ASMR nature sounds and chamomile tea

21:18 – He has such perfect answers I’d almost forgive him for the bullet he’s going to shoot in my head in a few seconds

21:21 – Oh, no, come on! You spoiled me!

21:24 – I myself wasn’t aware I was going to do it,

21:26 – I was enjoying hesitating, fUckk

21:29 – Well, when it’s time to go…

21:30 – [gunshot]

21:31 – chiFUYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

21:34 – Stop!

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

21:36 – I didn’t intend to shot, really

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

21:38 – It– It’s getting on my nerves!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

21:40 – SHUT THE FUCK UP

21:42 – uuU? [Mikey mouse wannabe]

21:44 – Well, Big Bad Guy: introduction, done

21:45 – I didn’t tell you the plan but basically it’s world domination, there

21:48 – And, well, how do I conclude this,

21:50 – It’s always hard, so I…

21:52 – I don’t know,

21:53 – Should I shoot you in the head?

21:54 – Be a very big pathetic loser if you’re okay with it

21:56 – [pants]

21:57 – Okay, you’re okay with it, okay then that’s what we do, I love when business goes nicely like this when,

22:01 – when the agreement is, is mutual

22:03 – Farewell, Takemichi

22:04 – [gunshot]

22:06 – (“Crybaby” starts playing)

[TOKYO CLIFFHANGER クリフハンガ一ズ]

[michellemisfit]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

Thanks for the tag @deedala @darlingian @suchagallabitch @energievie @creepkinginc @lingy910y @gembu-tortuesouscafeine @mickeysgaymom

1. if you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do?

Hmmmm. If it was ‘anything’ I’d switch with something with wings. But if it has to be a person then I guess the next best thing? Like a Circe du Soleil arial performer? Yeah, I think that’d be cool, but also after an hour I’d be kinda done. Perfect.

2. whats your most trivial / dumbest hot take?

I don’t have baths after dark. No one should. The nighttime monsters are gonna get you, if you’re wet after sundown. I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♂️

3. If you had to teach a college course what would it be in?

Something animal related. Or problem solving and problem prevention. Like, I always say you can’t teach common sense but… maybe I could try?? Cause I think I’d be pretty good at it! Maybe not college. Get them earlier. While they’re malleable. Teach them how to spot shit that’s about to hit the fan. And what they can do to prevent it! Teach them how to walk into a room and register the 13 things that need to be addressed / fixed / saved / cleaned before they walk back out of the room. Yeah. I’d be good at that.

4. season 12 of shameless is suddenly happening and you’ve been put in charge! what plot point(s) are you gonna make happen?

I want them all to be settled and happy. I don’t need life to be perfect. But just…

I like Lip being into the building and decorating, but he’s soon gonna miss using his brain, so I’d like him to move into either the architecture side of things or the business management and franchising side of things.

I love Ian & Mickey being happily married forever and ever, and they’ve gone through so much shit, they should just get to be happy, but! I hate that all mentions of Ian’s bipolar were cut from season 11. This doesn’t just go away. Show me how well they deal with it now, but also how it’s still hard, and how it touches a part of Mickey’s hurt and trauma that he doesn’t want to achonowledge, and how sometimes it makes Ian self-loathing and mean and Mickey scared and angry, and when they get like this they lash out at each other. And then show me how, even when things are hard, they continue to fight for each other and choose each others, because they will ALWAYS choose each other.

Sandy is going to come back and Debbie and her are gonna make a real go of it.

Carl is going to buy and run The Alibi and it’s going to be awesome.

5. who would be your godly parent? (can be any mythology).

The Black Rabbit of Inlé.

Oh, there's no more to fear in death than in the changing of the seasons.

You all know how some rabbits seem just to throw their lives away between two jokes and a theft: but the truth is that their foolishness comes from the Black Rabbit, for it is by his will that they do not smell the dog or see the gun…But the truth is — or so they taught me — that he, too, serves Lord Frith and does no more than his appointed task — to bring about what must be. We come into the world and we have to go: but we do not go merely to serve the turn of one enemy or another. We go by the will of the Black Rabbit of Inle and only by his will. And though that will seem hard and bitter to us all, yet in his way he is our protector.

6. what’s something you love about yourself?

I’m funny, kind, competent, hard working, and creative. I hate myself a lot, but I’m also pretty fucking awesome. Two things can be true at the same time. I contain multitudes. 🤷🏽‍♂️

7. describe your day in 5 emojis:

😭🥓🍳🥲🛍️

8. what shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight?

Jimmy-Steve, Liam, and Fiona. Tommy, Kermit, and Kate. Iggy and Walter Milkovich (if they’re high, which they will be). Also Karen, Ned, and Kash.

9. tell us 2 truths and a lie, we’ll try to guess the lie!

10. do you have a pet(s). if so how did they get their name?

Mouse was named after Michael ‘Mouse’ Tolliver (Tales of the City) by Ruth and after Mouse the Temple Dog from Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files by me. Full Name: Mouse McFeathers.

Howard was named after the foreman in charge of a big building project at the farm, at the time when we rescued him as a kitten. Howard Alan Crisp, giving his name to our three kittens Howard, Alan, and Crispy. Full Name: Howard ‘Bonk Bonk’ Bambino.

Wiggins was named after the cyclist Bradley Wiggins, because he was big at the time, and it was better than Froome, which was the other name on the table, and closest to Arthur, which is what I wanted to call him. In the end we let Mouse choose by writing all the names on pieces of paper, folding them up, and picking the one she swiped off the table. Full Name: Wiggins Dangerbean.

11. show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence

12. whats your typical coffee / tea / beverage order?

Chai Latte

I would like to tag @suzy-queued @vintagelacerosette @sam-loves-seb @lupeloto @shameless-notashamed @transmickey @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @francesrose3 @jademickian @sickness-health-all-that-shit @metalheadmickey @gardenerian @callivich @celestialmickey @look-i-love-u @rutherinahobbit @palepinkgoat @whatthebodygraspsnot @depressedstressedlemonzest @rereadanon @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @too-schoolforcool or just hand you a flower and let you pet a puppy 🐶

[phanfictioncatalogue]

(TW) Drinking Masterlist

50 notes to unbox (ao3) - dylaesthetics

Summary: Dan moves out of his parent's home to start university and his older lifelong best friend Phil is rather an efficient help when it comes to helping Dan unpack, as well as a regular visitor of Dan's studio. What happens when Phil stumbles upon Dan's piggy bank for university savings he crafted as a child and finds it a new purpose? What happens when the truth comes out when it's so needed?

OR an overly cute, long and coming of age multiple part one shot you better read now.

Anthropomorphic (ao3) - Sifi_Ducks

Summary: Just them getting drunk during lockdown

Designated Driver (ao3) - aby55al (orphan_account)

Summary: Pastel Dan runs into a drunk punk Phil at a party. Then they have sex.

drunk words are sober thoughts - danhasacrushonphil

Summary:  The opportunity of a life time comes in the form of Phil Lester actually showing up at a party, all tattoos and bright blue eyes. Dan’s been crushing on him for far too long, so getting the chance to play Never Have I Ever with his crush? Yeah, he can’t pass that one up. What could go wrong?

i don't know why (i can't keep my eyes off of you) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Starting a new university is hard enough without Phil having to convince his best friend PJ he doesn't have a crush on their other flatmate, Dan. He definitely does not have a crush on Dan.

i don't know you, but i would love to meet you (ao3) -��orphan_account

Summary: It didn't work out with the guy at the bar, but Phil struggles to mourn his loss when the guy across the table won't stop staring at him.

I Wonder When We're Gonna Make It (ao3) - AnironSidh

Summary: When a new neighbor moves into the town that Daniel Howell has lived in his entire life and finds his safe spot in the town's vineyard, he will challenge Dan's view of himself and his town. Soon enough, they find themselves in an attraction nothing like Dan's ever known and one that those around them cannot understand. This may be Dan's only chance to escape and truly be himself. - A fic for a phandom reverse bang 2020 prompt in which Dan and Phil live near a vineyard, sneak grapes, drink stolen wine, and fall in love despite the times (1980s). Also, in which I project my love for queen onto Dan, because Muse doesn't exist yet and because I can.

Keep These Secrets In A Lie (ao3) - CanDanAndPhilNot (enbycalhoun)

Summary: Dan and Phil are friends. But friends don't act the way they do.

knowing the way (ao3) - watergator (orphan_account)

Summary: dan meets phil at a party

based on the line in BIG, "trust me, i've known a lot of straight guys until a couple of drinks, some deep conversation and lingering eye contact, and suddenly they just start leaning in."

Les Règles du Jeu (ao3) - danfanciesphil (thejigsawtimess)

Summary: Games night at PJ's. Phil wants to play.

Misery and Malibu (ao3) - dip_the_pip

Summary: Going home to Wokingham already made Dan miserable, but being around his old school friends is somehow worse, especially when Phil experiences firsthand the harsh words that were thrown at Dan all his life.

party poison (ao3) - howellesterfics

Summary: Dan wants to get properly drunk on New Years to celebrate the end of a decade, things don't go exactly to plan because he's kinda dumb

Renewable Energy (ao3) - Septic84

Summary: Dan and Phil hated working with each other since a bad business venture, now they are forced to do so again in America. They will need to team up and work together to beat the competition, but can they stop bickering long enough to do so?

something visual, not too abysmal (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Dan and Phil get ready for the late night, double feature picture show.

the man of my dreams (ao3) - mel_m_a_o

Summary: He first dreamed about this man maybe two months ago. The dream wasn’t really something out of the ordinary and Dan didn’t really remember what it was about, but it stuck out to him, because he wasn’t usually someone who remembered his dreams. He often thought he just doesn’t dream at all, but that certainly changed. He keeps dreaming about the same pale, black haired man and his bright eyes that make Dan wake up in a sweat. He starts to see the face everywhere all the time until he actually does.

vampires will never hurt you (ao3) - howellesterfics

Summary: Dan is embarrassed by his mistake of a Halloween costume, but not everybody has such negative feelings towards it.

we have more in common than i thought (ao3) - manicpixieidiot

Summary; bad boy!dan has a bit of a secret crush on nerd!phil, and when grouped with him in class he uses the opportunity to convince him to come to a party. (what happens next will shock you!!) (not really, no shocks don't worry)

featuring a latin class, a party, becky&jessica, flustered drunk boys. and more softness than intended.

When the Weather Breaks (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Sitting across from Phil on that worn out velvet Starbucks sofa, sharing sickeningly sweet coffees and what they would like to think were hushed giggles, was the first time Dan felt a glimpse at what real love could feel like. or Perception checks, pining, and peppermint mochas.

[du-ub]

Hold onto your hats it’s a du-ub Doozey

Shrek Script

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.

But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only

be broken by love's first kiss.

She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing

dragon.

Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,

but non prevailed.

She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest

tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.

{Laughing}

Like that's ever gonna happen.

{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}

What a load of -

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'

Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see

So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey, now You're an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder

You're bundled up now but wait till you get older

But the meteor men beg to differ

Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin

The water's getting warm so you might as well swim

My world's on fire

How 'bout yours

That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored

Hey, now, you're an all-star

{Shouting}

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

{Belches}

Go!

Go!

{Record Scratching}

Go. Go.Go.

Hey, now, you're an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

-Think it's in there?

-All right. Let's get it!

-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?

-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.

{Laughs}

-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.

Now, ogres - - They're much worse.

They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.

-No!

-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!

Actually, it's quite good on toast.

-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!

{Gasping}

-Right.

{Roaring}

{Shouting}

{Roaring}

{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.

{Gasping}

{Laughs}

{Laughing} And stay out!

"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."

{Sighs}

{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.

-Take it away!

{Gasps}

-Move it along. Come on! Get up!

-Next!

-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.

That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!

-Get up! Come on!

-Twenty pieces.

{Thudding}

-Sit down there!

-Keep quiet!

{Crying}

-This cage is too small.

-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.

I can change. Please! Give me another chance!

-Oh, shut up.

-Oh!

-Next!

-What have you got?

-This little wooden puppet.

-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.

-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

-Father, please! Don't let them do this!

-Help me!

-Next! What have you got?

-Well, I've got a talking donkey.

{Grunts}

-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.

-Oh, go ahead, little fella.

-Well?

-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.

He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -

-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.

I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.

-Get her out of my sight.

-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

{Gasps}

-Hey! I can fly!

-He can fly!

-He can fly!

-He can talk!

-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly

but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!

Oh-oh.

{Grunts}

-Seize him!

-After him! He's getting away!

{Grunts, Gasps}

{Man}

-Get him! This way! Turn!

-You there. Orge!

-Aye?

-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under

arrest

and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.

-Oh, really? You and what army?

{Gasps, Whimpering}

{Chuckles}

-Can I say something to you?

-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.

Incredible!

Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!

-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great

back here? Those guards!

They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They

was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made

me feel good to see that.

-Oh, that's great. Really.

-Man, it's good to be free.

-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?

Hmm?

-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by

myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.

You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit

out of anybody that crosses us.

{Roaring}

-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that

don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you

definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!

You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -

{Mumbling}

Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my

butt that day.

-Why are you following me?

-I'll tell you why.

'Cause I'm all alone

There's no one here beside me

My promlems have all gone

There's no one to deride me

But you gotta heve friends - -

-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.

-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.

-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?

-Uh - - Really tall?

-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't

that bother you?

-Nope.

-Really?

-Really, really.

-Oh.

-Man, I like you. What's you name?

-Uh, Shrek.

-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?

You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.

I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.

Who'd want to live in place like that?

-That would be my home.

-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a

decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I

like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.

-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?

-I like my privacy.

-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I

hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them

a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.

-Can I stay with you?

-Uh, what?

-Can I stay with you, please?

-Of course!

-Really?

-No.

-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to

be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta

stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

-Okay! Okay! But one night only.

-Ah! Thank you!

-What are you - - No! No!

-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,

and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.

-Oh!

-Where do, uh, I sleep?

-Outside!

-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you

don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.

{Sniffles}

-Here I go.

-Good night.

{Sighs}

-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.

I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,

outside.

[f1rewalk3r]

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - With a dexterous flick of your finger and thumb, the still-lit cigarette sails gracefully through the air, bouncing ash-side down off the bowl cut.

BRUTAL BOWL - “NO! IT’S NOT ENOUGH! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?”

VISUAL CALCULUS - [Easy - Success] - You do understand. Years of heavily applied hair product have solidified the cut into a rock-hard helmet. This endeavor was always doomed.

STERN SHREW - With a scowl, the woman reaches up to gently extinguish the pathetic ember smoldering on her head.

LIEUTENANT KIM KITSURAGI - He is speechless.

ESPIRIT DU CORPS - [Impossible - Failure] - Yeah, I got nothing for you on this one.

STERN SHREW - “Well, I can’t say that’s the first time I’ve been the target of a gang attack in this city. Taylor, let’s get you to the nurses office. An ambulance is on the way. As for you two? My office, *NOW.* We’ll get someone here, PRT or police, and figure out the best way to deal with you.”

REACTION SPEED - [Hard - Failure] - The PRT?

ENDURANCE - Her office? Her *OFFICE!?* Who does this woman think she is? Who does she take you for? A meek, petulant child, ready to submit to a stern voice? Ready to bent over her desk and paddled?

ELECTROCHEMISTY - [Easy - Success] - …

VOLITION - You should listen to her. Kim’s already off his game. Speaking to the proper authorities will give you a better chance to work things out and explain how this is all a misunderstanding.

SAVOIR FAIRE - [Challenging - Success] - Fuck that! Grab Kim and the girl - Taylor - and run!

1. Go to the office and await questioning. [Continue]

2. SAVOIR FAIRE [Challenging - 9] Grab Kim and Taylor and book it.

3. DRAMA [Hard - 13] “It seems we got off on the wrong foot. I’d be happy to tell you more about our gang- if you make it worth our while, of course.”

4. INLAND EMPIRE [Hard - 14] “Now Taylor! Extreme bug attack, GO!”

LIEUTENANT DOUBLE-YEFREITOR HARRIER DU BOIS IN BROCKTON BAY WHAT WILL HE DO

woah that’s crazy

[hoonhrt]

EMBRASSE-MOI

: pairing — student! jay x tutor! reader

: genre — fluff, crack 

: song recc. — L’amour by Miel De Montagne 

: a/n — this lowkey sucks but I've been wanting to get work out so I'm sorry if this isn't the best :(( also I'm still learning french so if some of it is wrong pls lmk so i can fix it!! 

Jay was your school’s resident bad boy. blond hair, all-black outfits, cuts class and yells at kids that look his way. you know? the usual. You on the other hand were the complete opposite. straight-A student. A quiet kid who didn’t dare look the ways of Jay Park and his Clique™. So imagine the shock that was felt when the boy you avoided at all costs, walks up to you in the middle of the cafeteria asking for French lessons. 

“You want me to do what?” He rolls his eyes, tired of this conversation already. 

“Can you not hear? I’m failing French and I need to pass or else my parents won’t let me move to France.” He speaks as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“And you’re asking me why?” He rolls his eyes again for what felt like the 100th time. You’re just confused about how he even knows of your existence.

“Listen, all I know that you’re in my French class and that you pay attention, I’ll even pay you I just need to get my mark up.” You perk up to the sound of money. You don’t really need but it’s still nice to have some. Doing this will get you good Karma right? 

“Fine. Meet me at the library every Monday and Wednesday after class, got it?” Jay stares at you with annoyance. He really does not want to be wasting his senior year on stupid lessons but, here we are. He reluctantly agrees and watches you walk away, struggling to hold your books in your arms. He turns around and lets out a deep sigh, wondering if the hot chicks and fancy baguettes in France are really worth this

Minutes turned into hours as you waited for Jay to show up. You waited patiently for hours just for this kid to not show up. Annoyed, you start to pack up your books. You don’t know why you’d think someone like Jay would actually show up to a voluntary tutor session. You were just about to make your way out of the library when you see someone running towards you almost like the flash. As the figure got closer to your still body, you realize it was Jay. Now, bent over in front of you gasping for air with his tongue out like a dog. You stared at his limped-over figure with confusion and slight disgust. 

“s-s-sorry i was… late, i f-forgot about… this.” he manages to speak out with the little air he has in him. He stands up and evens out his breath. 

“what makes you think i’m gonna tutor you now? you wasted my time Park, i have a life too you know.” you snap at him. He stares at you for a brief second before letting out a hearty laugh, throwing his head back and slapping his leg. He sees your serious expression, your eyes glaring at him like an eagle and awkwardly stops laughing. 

“Look, i’m paying you and this is only gonna last for a little while. i just need to pass, that’s it.” His eyes shine with a hopeful gleam, a look that is extremely rare to see from Jay Park. He looked a little cute. You dramatically sigh and start walking into the library, Jay following behind you. 

You settle at the table you sat at prior, re-opening your book bag to pull out your notes. He just watches you do that, not making an effort to even bring out a pencil. 

“Okay, so how much french do you even know?” 

He stares into space, a little hesitant to continue. “Um, i can ask if i can go to the bathroom?” You stare at him with disbelief. You’ve been in this class with him for months and that’s all he knows. 

“THAT’S IT?” 

“Oh and i can say good morning!” you let out a loud groan that catches the attention of others around, causing them to loudly shush at you. Feeling annoyed again, you contemplate if the money was really worth it. You sigh out and start looking for your notes from the beginning of the semester. This was gonna take a LONG time. 

“... and that’s how you conjugate verbs in the past tense, aka passé composé!” You finish off the session with joy. Jay on the other hand has gone completely blank, not remembering a single word you just told him. He stares down at his notes, then at you, then back down at his notes. You can see the struggle on his face and he hasn’t said a word yet. 

“I’m never gonna pass french. This is it. I can kiss France goodbye.” he claims with despair. This already too hard for him and he barely has learned anything. He sets his head on the table and mumbles to himself about how he will never be happy if he doesn’t live his youthful 20’s in France. You sat across from him irritated with his discouraging behaviour and a little sad that you weren’t able to teach him well. Until you come up with a plan that might help him improve much quicker.  

“What if… we hang out this weekend? We can do something and we’ll only speak in French! Of course I’ll help you and all that. But like, maybe? Only if you want to of course you probably don’t wanna spend your weekend with me i dont know you know its just a plan.” you ramble on and on without stopping and Jay simply just watches you. He smirks a little before nodding. 

“How about you put your number in my phone and then I’ll text you when I’m free hm?” he slides his phone across the table towards you and eyes you typing it in. He catches a glimpse of your rose-coloured cheeks and smirks a little more. 

“Okay, uh there’s my number! Just um, text me you know, when you’re free!” you manage to stutter out. Jay just nods at you and again, watches you walk away. This time a slight smile across his face. 

A sudden notification pulls you away from your thoughts. An unknown number that you had a feeling belonged to a particular boy you didn’t think would actually text you. 

042-002-1130: bonjour 

042-002-1130: was that even right

042-002-1130: anyways I’m free on saturday if you wanna hang ig 

042-002-1130: samedi is saturday right 

042-002-1130: it is wow im such a genius 

You let out a snort at his cocky behaviour and reply back, letting him know that you were free yourself and to meet you at the school grounds at 2 pm. 

Saturday shows up as you wait outside the school gates, a picnic basket in hand. An all-black car with dark tinted windows zooms up to you. The window is pulled down and alas, the handsome boy sits in the driver’s seat, ushering you to get into the car with his hand. 

“Woah a picnic basket? Listen y/n you’re cool and all but this isn’t a date,” he speaks and notices you roll your eyes. A smug smile tugging his lips. 

“No you asshole, I have a plan with this.” 

“Tell me,” Jay begins to drive away from the school. The destination is unknown to you but extremely familiar to the boy next to you. 

“In here there is a bunch of food, in order for you to eat, you’re gonna have to say the name of the food in french.” He turns his head to see you looking back at him, a sweet smile places on your face. Jay has always known of you. You sat in the back of the classroom, handed in all your work on time and never skipped a class. You had very few friends and always seemed to be lost in a dream world when you weren’t working. Jay had never been able to speak to you personally as you always avoided him but know he has the chance to actually talk to you, and he doesn’t wanna mess it up. 

The car stopped at the edge of a giant grassy field. The greenery going miles ahead. Trees surrounding the two of you. Jay like a gentleman runs out of the car to open the door for you. You blush at his actions, thanking him silently by smiling at him. 

He directs you to a small spot under a tree. You lay out a blanket for you to sit on while Jay leans up against the tree. You tell him to sit down next to you as you bring out all the little snacks to share with him. He thinks that he could get used to this. 

“D’accord, commençons! Qu'est-ce que ç'est?” (okay, lets start! What is this?) 

You pick up a grape. He thinks for a little bit before answering. “Un raisin.” (a grape) You clap with glee and hand him over the grape. A silence falls between you both, unaware of how to keep going. He picks up a strawberry and brings it to your face. “Tu aime les fraises?” (do you like strawberries?) You eye him for a second, for someone who said he only knows how to ask how to go the bathroom in french, he knows quite a bit. You nod a little, opening your mouth and letting him feed you the sweet fruit. Your face matches the colour of the strawberry and he giggles. You pull out a sandwich and ask him to describe what’s in it. 

“Dans le sandwich, il y a du jambon, du beurre, et de la tomate.” (in the sandwich there is some ham, some butter, and some tomato.) He speaks confidently. 

“Trés bien Jay! Tu es bon en parler francias!” (very good Jay! You are really good at speaking French!) 

“Merci, mon Cheri.” (Thank you, my dear.) you blush even more before and shy away from Jay’s gaze. Jay being the very bold guy that he is, placing his hand underneath your jaw, forcing you to meet his eyes. You both just stare at each other as the sun sets behind you. Was Jay always this beautiful? His eyes scan over your face seeking for any discomfort, none is to be found. So he makes the move and starts to lean in. You already have your eyes closed and lips puckered out, ready to embrace a feeling you’ve never felt before.

His breath fans over your lips and just before he kisses you he asks “je peux t’embrasser? (can I kiss you?) you eagerly nod and whisper out “embrasse-moi.” (kiss me.) Jay finally places his lips on yours and everything feels right. Your hands find their way to the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. You stay in this position with him for a little while before you pull back for air. Both his hands cradle your face, his thumb rubbing across the apples of your cheeks.

“I still have a lot to learn y’know?” Jay breaks the silence. You laugh out loud, falling into his lap. 

“Same time next week then yeah?” He lets out a ‘hmm’ and watches you rest your head against his thigh, playing with the ends of your hair. ‘Maybe France could wait a little’ he thought. 

[crackheadgeminibby]

pardon my french

pairing: chris evans x black!reader

warnings: age gap, fluff, language, tiny bit of angst if you squint

word count: 1.5k

a/n: enjoy this purely self-indulgent piece of fluff i wrote, also i'm pretty sure i put the meaning of all the french sentences explicitly or implicitly but i may have missed some so lemme know if i did!!

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape or form or reposted on any other platform

not my picture

“Tu te fous de ma gueule?! Ugh, va te faire enculer, Gabriel!”

You slam your phone on the counter and squeeze your eyes shut while leaning over the sink. You’re taking deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down when you feel large, warm hands on your hips and soft lips on your neck. Chris leaves a trail of kisses from your neck to your ear before whispering, “Baby… You know it gets me all hot and bothered when you speak French.”

You chuckle softly while shaking your head before answering, “Seriously, Chris?”

You turn around in his arms, putting your hands around his neck before continuing, “I was literally just telling someone to go fuck themselves.”

Chris’ face contorts in confusion, “What? Who?”

You sigh, your anger rising again, as you answer, “My sister’s piece of shit ex-husband. He’s suing her for the children’s custody, and he called to rub it in my face that he hired Max to be his lawyer.”

You see that Chris is trying to associate the name with the grievance: yeah, you didn’t make a lot of friends but that’s the price of being a lawyer.

You chuckle as Chris is still trying to figure out who you’re talking about.

“Max is my ex-partner. You know the one that tried to poach all of my big clients before leaving the firm.”

“Ohh, yeah.” Chris nods his head in acknowledgement before scrunching his face in disgust, “He’s an asshole.”

You smile, gently playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “Yeah, well, birds of a feather flock together, right?”

Chris nods slightly before leaning in your hand that’s playing in his hair.

“So, did you have anything to tell me, or did you just want me to play with your hair?”, you smirk.

Chris opens his eyes before smiling a bit and rolling his eyes, “Yeah. I want you to teach me French.”

You furrow your brows in confusion at Chris’ statement.

“We’ve been together for like a year… Why do you suddenly want to learn French?”

You see a slight blush making its way from Chris’ chest up to his face and tilt your head in confusion before he answers softly,

“It’s hot… And if I want to make a good impression on your extended family at Christmas, I can’t just show up not knowing any French. Plus, I can show off that my girlfriend’s a great teacher in front of my family.”

“Hmm… Questionable reasons”, you chuckle softly “But sure, let’s do it.”

Chris beams at you before asking, “Okay, well where do we start?”

You think a bit before saying, “How about we do like 20 minutes a day where I teach you a bunch of words and then you have to try to use them in sentences?”

Chris reflects on your suggestion before nodding, “Sounds good.”

You smile and point at the black saucepan on the oven next to you, “Now, this is a casserole. Since it’s a feminine noun, you say une casserole.”

Chris thinks before trying to repeat after you.

two months later

You park the car in front of your parents’ house, seeing the cars of almost all the members of both your families up and down the street. You turn off the car before turning to Chris.

“Are you ready?”

Chris smiles at you and answers, “Oui.”

You smile softly, feeling your heart swell with pride before you get out of the car and make your way to the front door.

You open the door and take off your coats and boots before making your way to the animated living room.

As soon as you see Chris’ family interacting with yours as if they have known each other forever, you smile from ear to ear before saying, “Hi, everybody!”

Members from both your families get up to greet you. After everyone has asked the usual “How are you? How’s the job?” questions, you sit down on the arm of the loveseat where Chris is sitting. Chris squeezes your hand, and you look down at him: he was ready to show off his knowledge.

You smile encouragingly at him and mouth “You can do this.”

Chris nods before getting up, a bottle of wine in his hand, “Bonjour tout le monde. Nous avons… emporté du vin.”

You feel heat rising to your face as you see a smile growing on your dad’s face.

“Well, look who’s been practicing his French. Donc, vous avez emporté du vin?”

Chris immediately gets red and turns towards you, sending you a panicked look. You get up and put a comforting hand on Chris’ arm before saying, “On a apporté du vin…”

You turn towards your dad and frown at him, “Papa, arrête, il est déjà assez stressé.”

Your dad puts his hands up in surrender, “Sorry, I was just joking.”

Chris looks at you, confusion clear on his face.

“When you say emporté, it means you took something from somewhere and you’re keeping it but if you say apporté, it means that you bring something from somewhere and you’re leaving it there.”

Chris looks at you, getting even redder than he was before, and puts the wine bottle on the coffee table, sitting back down on the armrest. Conversation picks up again in the living room and you sit down next to Chris. He crosses his arms across his chest, looking at his feet. You bite your bottom lip softly, before putting your hand on Chris’ back.

“Hey, you okay?”

Chris looks at you, still slightly red, as he nods softly and responds, “Yeah… I’m just embarrassed, I thought I was actually learning.”

You feel bad for Chris and stroke his back before replying, “You are learning, Chris, you’re doing great actually. French is just a really hard language to master. And my dad was just trying to be funny, don’t take him too seriously.”

Chris nervously bites his bottom lip before saying, “I thought your dad liked me?”

“Oh Chris… He does, I promise. He just likes to be a little mean to guys I like… You know, to like test them or whatever.”

Chris looks at you sadly and nods softly.

You sigh as you run your hand through his hair, trying to help him get more comfortable.

Multiple hours and quite a bit of alcohol later, everyone was heading to bed. As time passed, Chris had gotten more comfortable and had even started to talk French again, feeling less self-conscious thanks to the alcohol.

You were now in your childhood bedroom, getting on the bed as Chris was brushing his teeth. He gets out of the bathroom and gets some pants from his luggage before getting changed. You look at Chris getting changed and bite your bottom lip as he’s pulling his pants on. He turns around and sees you looking at him. He walks slowly towards the bed and leans towards you, whispering, “Like what you see?”

You smirk at him and nod slowly, “Very much so.”

Chris cages you between his arms and kisses you softly. He strokes your cheek with one of his hands while deepening the kiss, slipping his tongue in your mouth. His other hand makes its way downwards, sliding under your sleepshirt and caressing your hips.

Chris kisses your cheek before leaning towards your ear and whispering, “Pardon my French but voulez-vous couchez avec moi?”

You laugh loudly before saying, “Seriously, Chris? Lady Marmalade?”

He smiles, shrugging his shoulders, before replying, “I listened to a bunch of songs on your phone.”

You grin at Chris and put a hand on his cheek and say, “First of all, I’m so proud of you for learning French, Chris, I know it’s super hard.”

Chris blushes slightly and smiles shyly, looking to the side.

You continue, “Second of all, no, I’m not having sex with you while my parents are sleeping in the room right next to us.”

Chris pouts and whines at you, “Baby, please…”

You roll your eyes at his childish demeanor, “How about this? If you behave tonight, I’ll tell my mom that we’re gonna decorate the house while everyone’s running the Christmas Day errands and I’ll let you do whatever you want.”

Chris’ eyes glint mischievously, and he smiles asking, “Anything at all?”

You smirk slightly back at him and reply, “Anything.”

“Well, seems like the choice here is pretty clear. Good night, baby.”

Chris lays down next to you and wraps his arms around you before kissing your shoulder, “Je t’aime.”

You feel like a schoolgirl with a crush as your heart skips a beat and heat rushes to your face.

You turn towards Chris and kiss him softly before responding, “Je t’aime plus.”

You turn back towards the window, laying your head on the pillow and intertwine your fingers with Chris’, still feeling butterflies in your stomach.

As you slip into slumber, you think about how there was just something so deeply endearing and attractive about hearing Chris telling you he loved you in your native language.

[amnxsia]

ilanga 

(n.) a person who will forgive anything the first time, tolerate the second time but never a third time.

A/n: Inspired by my brainrot. Everything that is said in German will be translated and bolded.

Taglist:  @shisoaya, @callmepromise, @namischild, @namrekcaivel, @icedkoffees, @erens-piss-cleaner, @sofi-yeager, @peachysimp, @fiaficsxo, @eremiie, @odmlevis, @weepinglevi​

Summary: Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction is what brought it back.

Content: dom and sub undertones, smut. nsfw minors dni

Trigger Warnings: manipulation, public sex, dacryphilia, branding, cigarettes, dedegration, slapping.

Word Count: 2241

Forgive anything the first time.

“Jean how many times do I have to tell you, Y/n isn’t allowed to drink.” Eren says staring daggers at him.

“And why the hell shouldn’t she? Just because you’re her boyfriend doesn’t mean you can tell her what she can’t and can do it’s a fucking party for god sakes Jaeger.”

“Ja, warum kann ich nicht etwas trinken Eren?” You say standing behind Jean. with big glassy doe eyes.

“Yeah why cant I have a drink Eren?” 

Eren ignores you. Knowing that this is your first strike.

“You know what fuck you Jean, and fuck this party. I’m going home.”

Ignoring whatever else Jean has to say Eren pulls you towards him and whispers.

“Dies ist dein erster Schlag, also viel Spaß Prinzessin”

“This is your first strike so have fun princess.”

Ah there it is, his dominance.

One of the many things that ran straight to your core. Making you clench your legs, one of the many things to love about Eren Jaeger.

Even if you manipulated him time to time you would always be running back to him like a lost puppy trying to find it’s lost owner.

“Jean I’m leaving the party too. Have fun.”

“Whatever.”

You walk out the door, seeing a figure sitting on the curb.

“So bald zurück? Ich dachte, du würdest Spaß mit Pferdegesicht haben und einen Sturm kichern” Eren saying with a smirk.

“Back so soon? I thought you would be having fun with horse face and giggling up a storm.”

“Eren we don’t have to talk in German all the time.” you say giggling while bending down to sit next to him.

“Oh? But I thought you loved it when I talked in German, you would always clench you thighs whenever I would speak, it’s cute that you actually thought I didn’t notice.” Eren says sliding closer to you dipping his hand at your cunt rubbing it very slowing.

“Du bist schon so nass und ich habe dich noch nicht einmal richtig berührt“ Eren whispers in your ear. Shoving your panties to the side and teasing your folds.

“Your so wet already and I havent even touched you properly yet.”

Now sinking a slender finger inside stretching you out, you bit your lip to contain the moans.

Eren smirks.

“What’s wrong baby? just because we’re in public doesn’t mean you have to be quiet, no as far as I am concerned you can say my name no you can moan it, and not in German in English for everyone to hear. I want everyone to know that this pretty cunt belongs to me and only me.” He says while laughing.

“Im sorry.”

Eren stops.

“What was wrong sweet pea?” He says no teasing or playfulness laced with voice just genuine concern.

“I said I’m sorry. I just don’t want other girls all over you .” You say with hot tears streaming down your face.

Ah.

Needy baby.

“It’s okay baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’ll stop bringing them.”

Eren kisses you and ruffles your hair.

“I’ll see you later.”

Tolerate the second

You were doing it again.

Pissing him off.

You said you were sorry the last time, but you also loved how angry he would get if you were around other guys.

Like now.

You were sandwiched between two guys who were getting handsy with you, but you could care less about Eren and his anger issues, you would win this bet and that would be it.

But unbeknownst to you Eren was staring at you with nothing but a loving smile at you. Sitting down in a chair with his legs crossed, he was wearing black all over, sliver rings to compliment his fingers, his hair pulled back into a man bun with a few baby hairs sticking out, and black leather boots.

You looked over to him to see if he reacted in any type of way, but you started to panic when you saw him looking your way with a smile on his face. You get up and usher everyone out.

“Party’s over.”

When everyone had dispersed you focus your attention to Eren who would still looking at you with a smile on his face.

“Oh? Party ist vorbei, wie kommt es, dass es gerade interessant wurde.”

“Oh? Party's over how come it was just getting interesting.”

“Warum benimmst du dich so?”

“Why are you acting like this eren?”

“Because you think I’m fucking stupid that’s why.��

“Excuse me?”

Eren ignores your statement.

“Lass diese Jungs und diese Wette nicht zu deinem verdammten Kopf gehen, denn ich werde dich wieder zur Relalität bringen.”

“Don’t let those boys and this bet go to your fucking head because I will bring you back down to reality.”

“Warum nimmst du teil, wenn du schon wütend wirst? Ich beweise jetzt schon einen Punkt und die Wette ist noch nicht einmal beendet.”

“Why are you participating if your getting mad already im already proving a point now and the bet is not even finished.”

Eren pulls you closer to him and spreads your legs with his knee

“You’ll figure it out tomorrow if you piss me off again.”

But never a third time

Today was the last day of your bet with Eren. And of course you wanted to see what he had planned for you, even if that meant burying your own grave. Today was your 2 year anniversary and later tonight you would be going to a dinner with Eren, family and friends so they could meet him. 

This was the perfect opportunity for all of Eren’s wrath to come down on you.

You decided to wear the shortest skirt you could find. You did your makeup, hair, and decided to put some rings on your fingers just like Eren.

After completing your look you walk downstairs to see Eren in a suit with rings on his fingers and a single earring dangling from his earlobe.

“Hey.”

“You look nice today.”

“Thanks.”

The car ride to the restaurant was very quiet, slowed and reverb music was playing from the radio.

Now at the restaurant Eren greets your parents and close friends.

Now everyone is in their seats before a waitress comes up and asks them what they would like to eat.

You look at your menu and say what you want and family says they want whatever you order.

Someone else walks in the restaurant with a smile and a box in their hands.

And it begins

Your mother pats you on your shoulder to tell you;

“Einer Ihrer Freunde hat etwas, das er Ihnen schenken möchte”

“One of your friends have something they want to give to you as a gift.”

Eren looks to the stranger with a concerned face, and then back to you.

“Wer ist er?”

“Who is he?”

You look at Eren trying contain a laugh.

“ein Freund.”

“A friend.”

Before Eren can say anything more the gentleman comes up to you and wraps his arms hugging you very tightly not to tightly just enough to give you affection.

“Hallo, es ist schon eine Weile her, wie geht es dir?”

“Hi it's been a while how are you?” He says with the biggest smile on his face.

“Ich war gut froh, dass es dir gut geht. Ich habe von einem kleinen Vogel gehört, dass du ein Geschenk für mich hast.”

“I've been good glad you are doing well I heard from a little birdy that you have a present for me.”

He blushes and he looks down at the floor, you take your hand and motions his head to look at you.

“Speak.”

And so he does.

“Ja, es ist ein Geschenk, es ist ein Ring mit meinem Namen, ich denke du wirst es mögen.”

“Yes it is a gift, it's a ring with my name on it i think you will like it.”

And thats when he takes out the ring and places it on your and then genty kisses your hand and wrists.

And thats when all hell breaks loose.

Eren quickly gets up from the table, dashes to your side and grabs your from the hem your shirt.

“Entschuldigung für die Unannehmlichkeiten, aber wir müssen jetzt gehen.”

“Sorry for the inconvenience but we need to leave now.”

Before either of your parents could say anything both you and Eren were out of the restaurant and heading to the car.

Eren throws you into the car, but his face is unreadable which is turning you on even more. He gets into the car and starts to drive, his knuckles white from how hard he’s gripping the steering wheel. Unlike from before he doesn’t allow you turn on the radio to ease the tension.

Now getting out the car you and Eren walks towards your shared house, he lets you enter the house first after entering the house he slams the door, making chills run down your body.

“Eren was ist los?”

“Eren what’s wrong-”

Eren slaps you.

“Jetzt will die Hure plötzlich reden?”

“Now the whore wants to talk suddenly?”

“Kleidung aus und auf allen vieren auf dem Boden.” Eren says while walking towards the living room.

“Clothes off and on all fours on the floor.”

And without a thought you discharge all of the clothes on your and make your way to the living to see Eren staring down at the floor with a cigarette between his slightly chapped lips, momentarily exhaling and inhaling the puffs of air.

“Schau nicht ohne Vorahnung auf.”

“Don't look up without permission.”

Eren takes another inhale of his cigarette.

“Ich habe dir gesagt, lass diese verdammte Wette nicht zu und andere Jungs gehen dir in den Kopf.”

“I told you dont let this fucking bet and other boys go to your head.”

And with that Eren grabs both of your wrists and gently plants the cigarette on your wrist.

“This is where he kissed you at right? This is where he planted those disgusting lips on you.”

You buck your hips to try and loosen his grip on you but to no avail.

“Answer me.”

“Ja.”

“Yes.”

“Now answer me this. Why are you letting other asshole touch you.”

“Eren-”

He pushes the cigarette down more on your skin, burning you a bit.

“Answer.”

“I was just accepting a gift from him, it didn’t mean anything I swear.”

“Now why would I believe you? This whole week you’ve been trying to piss me off and you know what y/n, have you succeeded in doing that so I’m having a hard time believing in anything that you say right now.”

Eren let’s his grip on your wrist goes, and places the cigarette in the ash tray. And then grabbing your neck up so you were both eye to eye.

“Tell me the truth and I’m all yours baby.” He said lightly licking your neck.

“Explain it all in German for me.” He said adding on, crossing his legs.

“Ich wollte mich wütend machen, damit du mich so hart ficken kannst, so gut, ich liebe es so sehr, ich liebe dich so sehr.”

“i wanted to make mad at me so you could fuck me like so hard, so good, i love it so much, i love you so much.”

You exhale, tears running down your face, you start to rut your bare cunt against the hardwood floor.

Your crying and the sight of you trying to get off on the floor went straight to Eren’s dick.

Eren starts to unbuckle his pants, his freed cock slapping aganist his abdomen.

“You think you can handle it baby?”

“Mhm yes- I know I can, I’ll be good again I promise, I’ve been acting so terrible these past few weeks and making you angry m’sorry Eren.”

And with that Eren bridal carries you to your shared bed room and gently puts you down.

“Open.”

And you do opening your mouth wide, Eren sticks two of his fingers in your mouth.

“Do I need to prep you?”

You shake your head no.

Eren smirks “Good girl.”

And with that Eren enters your hole.

“I love you, you know that right?” Eren says playing with your hair.

“Yes I know.”

“And everything I do is for you remember that. From the way I fuck you, from the way I do all of acts of service to words of affirmation there all for you and no one else.” He says finally moving the once quiet filled house now turning into sounds of skin slapping, panting that would last all the way into the evening then into the night.

Next day

You woken to the morning rays that were peeking out from your windows. Turning over you see that Eren had left but to where you wonder. Not that it matter you don’t care about anyone else but him, only him and him alone matters.

Somewhere far away, Eren had a box in his hand and a note along with it. He was at a house your parent’s house. Now knowing that your parents didn’t ever want to you to be with him he knocks on the door before setting the box and the note on the welcome mat and then walking away, hopping into his car.

The box being a wedding invation and a note saying; “Wenn du versuchst, für mich zu kommen, blühe ich weiter <3″

“You try to come for me I keep on flourishing. <3″

© all content belongs to amnxsia 2021. do not modify or repost.

[parkers-gal]

hey honey! how are you doing?

i was wondering if you could write something where the reader is either tom or harrison’s sister, around 19-20 years old, and she hears her brother talking bad about her behind her back and she gets distant towards them and her brother realizes how much he’s missing out on (her first boyfriend and stuff like that)

sorry if it’s long or if you don’t wanna write it lol it was just an idea!!

don’t be sorry! i loved this! also doing pretty good :-)

i didn’t really understand what was in the ending parentheticals so i hope this is what you wanted!

wc: 1.7k

—

Being the established girl in a group of four boys meant a lot of things. Often, you were confused as a girlfriend to whichever boy you were accompanying, aside from your brother, of course. There was a lot of territory that came with being close family-friends with the Holland family. Especially since your brother used to be Tom’s assistant. It was expected, though, because they had been close friends growing up, especially since being in the same grade. 

You were younger, which meant you were in between ages for the twins and Paddy. You didn’t consider yourself too young for them, though, and found yourself in the presence of the boys for most of your time. 

Today, however, you were with your friend Aisha, walking around the shops. She had to leave unexpectedly early, so you parted ways. You came into the house quietly, setting a few things as you silently made your way into the kitchen. It wasn’t actually your house, but you practically spent all of your time there anyways. You heard voices coming from the den. Though you knew it was wrong, you halted in announcing your arrival, choosing to listen in on what they seemed to be joking around about. 

“Finally got ‘er off your back, huh mate?” You heard Tom’s voice, followed with joined laughter from everyone else. Your mind wandered, thinking maybe Harrison had a girl he was interested in, though he never brought that up, so you stayed quiet to hear more. 

“Yeah. Out with Aisha or whatever.”

Your eyes widened as the realization dawned on you. You purse your lips and think not to assume anything just yet. 

“That her only her friend?”

“Honestly,” Harrison laughs in agreement. “Mum said to be a good older brother but I’m tired of playing babysitter.” They all laugh again and you will yourself not to burst into anger — or worse: cry. “She’s gotta grow up or something.”

“Mate.” Tom snickers. “She needs a life. The boys are a tight circle; can’t let no baby sister in on that.”

“Yeah,” Harry’s voice pops in. “Who else would we spill disgusting secrets to?” They laugh seemingly in universal knowledge. 

“Anyways,” Tom settles down. “Good thing we finally got the superior Osterfield alone, for once.”

You abandon your station near the kitchen door and speed walk out the other swing door. You pick your bags up quietly, making for a quick escape as your tears attempt the same. You’re almost done putting your shoes on when Sam comes down the stairs, brows furrowed while he wipes his damp hands on the front of the shirt. You curse in realizing he was probably in the bathroom. 

“Y/N? Everything okay?”

“Uh…” You glance to the hallway that leads to the kitchen, wearily hoping nobody comes out. “Yeah, just uh… forgot I had to do something. I’ll see you later.”

You quickly make your way out of the house, shoving everything into your car while you can, starting the engine with great speed. Sam was in the middle of saying something else to you on your wait out, but he never got around to finishing because you were already out of the door. 

He didn’t mention anything to the boys, trusting that you were okay and that you did actually have something to do. 

That night, you tried not to cry yourself to sleep in your small apartment, one you shared with Aisha. When you woke the next morning, she wanted to go to the skating rink for some fun, so you agreed, eating breakfast before showering. You spent the entire day there, really, and let your phone in a rented locker, ignoring the texts from a few of the boys asking if you wanted to come over for a movie and some pizza. 

When you did have the chance to reply — over five hours later — you gave them scarce replies in the main group chat, apologizing without much sorrow. From their end, they shook it off, knowing you probably just had other plans that specific day. The five of you were planning on going to the golfing course tomorrow, so you’d get time together then. 

But they were wrong, because you cancelled on them, simply stating that “golf isn’t your mood, today.” They’d accepted that, but Harry knew that was bullshit, because half of the fun of golfing was competing with you.

They tried not to think much of your absence while they were on the field, but it was weird and awfully quiet without you. They’d figured it might be different throughout the week, but they were still wrong. You were with other people throughout the week while you could be, and it only made it worse for the boys because you were posting it all over your social media. Not in a flaunting manner, but just for the aesthetics. They didn’t find it very pleasing, though. 

Harrison knew something was off, knew you didn’t normally just start ghosting people unless you had a real reason. He intended on figuring out what that reason was, and Tom was hell bent on learning it too. They drew up a plan to get you to come over, telling you they had a few of your missing things. You complied, figuring you’d have to face them at some point. 

Strolling up to the house for the first time in ten days, you opened the door as casually as you could, only to be met with four pairs of eyes staring in your directions from seats in the open living room. 

“Uhm,” You cleared your throat. “Where’s my stuff?” Tom wordlessly points to a bag on the head of the couch, and you pick it up wearily, sifting through it while you hummed. “Thanks, I’ll just take this and get out of your hair.” 

“Well, wait-” Tom stands abruptly. “Why… why don’t you hang out for a bit?”

“I mean… do you want to?” The tone in which you speak catches him off guard for all of ten seconds before each of the boys are nodding their heads.

“Of course we do.” Harrison smiles and you nod wearily. 

“Okay.”

However, you don’t make any move in settling down for the long run, and Tom huffs. “What’s going on here?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re avoiding us!” Harry concludes. “Why?”

You clear your throat, looking at your feet while your tongue clicks. “I, uhm, I heard you guys talking the other day.”

Harrison raises his eyebrows as a silent message for you to elaborate a little.

“You said you were tired of babysitting me, so I gave you guys some space.” They all physically defeat and you begin to defend yourself. “I just thought it’s what you wanted! You don’t have to explain.” You’re unknowingly beginning to tear up, and they all know it before you do. 

“I think we should talk.”

“No, I- uhm…” You glance out the window to your car. “I should really get going.”

“No!” Harry pleads with you. “We just… we miss you.”

You stop short in your tracks, turning around slowly. “Well I don’t really think you get to. Not after what I heard.”

“That’s not fair, Y/N/N, and you know it.” Harrison’s stern with you, and you can feel the tension beginning to set nicely like a creamer. 

“None of this is really fair for me, so why should it be fair for you?” You point a finger up in their direction while you shrug offendedly. “I mean, if you’re gonna say one thing don’t act like you don’t mean it.”

“But we didn’t,” Harrison says. 

“Really, we didn’t. It was a stupid thing to say.” Tom adds on. 

“Yeah, we’d never say it knowing you were there.”

“Oh, but you’d say it if I wasn’t around?” You’re making this more difficult, you realize, but you don’t much care, because when feelings get hurt, things get difficult, and you’ve come to terms with that. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Harrison crosses his arm. 

“No, but that’s what you implied.” You jab him back with your next words. 

“Stop making this hard.” He’s reminding you of what things were like when you were young and arguments were regular. 

“I’m not the one that started this.” You huff angrily, hand finally gripping the handle of the front door, swinging it open and slamming it harshly with an “I’ll see you all around.” 

Tom blinks, glancing to Harrison in question on what to do next. Harrison sighs and so does Harry. 

“I saw her leaving that day she heard you guys.” Sam speaks calmly, almost nervously. “She was- uh… she was crying.” “Oh jesus.” Tom groans, hands running through his curls. “We made her cry, Haz.”

“I know, I know.” He speaks hastily. “C’mon, I know what to do.” He picks his coat up, opening the front door as the rest of the boys follow him out. 

You’re coming home that night after spending the rest of your day at the country club with some friends. You’re alone, of course, expecting to eat dinner with Aisha, though the two of you normally dine separately because you’re always with the boys and she’s always with her girlfriend. Things are different now, though. 

As you open the door to your flat, you expect to find it dark and empty, but you’re met with your favorite take out meal and four very sorry boys, a large teddy bear sitting on the couch for you. You drop your bags and glance at each of them. 

“What’s all this?”

“We’re really, really, really sorry.” Harrison steps forward with an apologetic smile and three DVD disks in his hands, all of your favorite movies. “But me especially. I love having you around… even if you are my baby sister.” You slap his arm playfully and he laughs. You let a smile creep onto your face at his demeanor. “We really missed you this past week.”

You nodded, fiddling with your fingers. “It just… hurt. You broke the one rule I thought…. The rule I thought we all swore to keep.”

“I know.” He sighs, looking at the boys as everyone says it simultaneously. “The circle before yourself.”

You’d seemingly all established it during your first all-nighter as a group of five. You vowed to put them before your own silly ego or public facade. Obviously, some things are harder for others.

“Can you ever forgive me?”

“Can you ever forgive us?” Tom speaks up, eyes deep.

You smile softly, voice laced with feelings. “Of course I can.” You don’t miss the smiles that break out onto their faces, and when everyone comes in for a group hug, they know things are going to be okay. 

read the spinoff! - circles before yourselves - rule #2