#but do read it it's important!! and it took me ages haha

[veren-cos]

Bachelors (sdv) x reader on their period

Gender neutral, but purely because of the prompt, afab reader. I'd say everything I write is gender neutral besides the very rare Trans masc reader ☆

Not proofread and I wrote this in like 25 min- I'll update this when I'm less tired.

Harvey

• A literal doctor.

• Is not weirded out like at all. He is all like, "Oh okay! Do you need anything at all?" And moved on with life

• Maybe has a little blush when you first talk about it? It's a completely normal thing at work (and in life), but it's just because it's you that he wants to make sure he handles it well.

• Would probably get you chocolate. And a heating pad. And blankets. And all the things.

• Aka would just spoil you a bit more than normal, periods suck and he knows-

• If you had any like disorder involving you Period he would be extra on top of stuff.

• Will make sure you are well stocked on and properly take pain meds!

Elliott

• Would just absolutely spoil you!

• Runs a bath, gets chocolate, threw your pajamas in the dryer to get them extra warm, heating pad.

• Might give you a massage if they are super painful? Probably would do it regardless but he would definitely offer if he knew that got bad.

• Idk why he knows so much, maybe it's because of Leah? I don't really write about the bachelotettes, but I feel like she would be super open about it so that's why Elliott knows a lot.

• But yeah he'd be super good to you! Would make you food just because. He is great at spoiling people, but not actually great at knowing what to do physically haha. (I think I mentioned in a previous fic where he just makes you soup if your in pain, he would do that here too)

Shane

• So if I just take Shane as a standalone character I don't think he'd know a lot / want to know/ care.

• But!

• Jas. I'm not sure what age she is supposed to be (literally anywhere from 7-12 imo) but I feel like Shane would have read up on Period stuff in preparation.

• So he would actually be more informed than Elliott!

• Now onto the actual stuff lol-

• He wouldn't be super pamper-y like Elliott and Harvey, but he would definitely help around the house more.

• Animals are all taken care of, crops are all watered, took care of some weeds, etc.

• He would also probably be a bit more physically affectionate purely because he knows you like it.

• Might be a bit embarrassed about it at first but after the first one he gets the gist of what to do.

Alex

• Would be relatively informed just because he is a health nut, but also doesn't know what to do because the most important woman in his life is postmenopausal-

• Probably would just give you chocolate and hugs because he knows like. Emotional and cravings.

• If they were super bad he would ask his grandma for help!

• Wouldn't be embarrassed about it! Once again. Health nut. Gets you pain meds!

Sebastian

• Okay. So. Sebastian.

• Literally lives with 2 ladies. Both very strong confident women. He wouldn't be uninformed by any means, but he probably is still awkward around the topic lmao

• Like if you were complaining he would be like "...." "am I supposed to do something about that?"

• AND HE DIDNT MEAN IT IN A RUDE WAY he was genuinely asking. But he just doesn't know and also is an awkward guy?

• Would do the least out of all the Bachelor's. Maybe just be more emotionally available because Period mood swings be rough. Makes more time to talk about things with you.

• Grabs you ibuprofen or Tylenol, whatever you have in the house.

Sam

• So Sam lives with a kind of coddling mom, does not have sisters, so like. His mom wouldn't talk to him about it. He has no 'personal' experience with it.

• Would be the most clueless-

• But he would definitely be like, "oh babe that sucks let me know what I can do"

• Gives you more cuddles, helps on the farm.

• Super enthusiastic about making you comfortable! He makes it into a way bigger deal than it is but he is genuinely curious about stuff so you think it's cute.

• After your first one when your together he is much better prepared / informed so he isn't all over the place.

• Just very cute and well meaning.

An* I hope this was at least a little cute / silly / comforting / whateveryouwantedoutofthis! I base everything off of personal experience because, like, it's all I got- but more people should be comfortable talking about this! It's completely normal and just a basic human function. So if yours is different than what others describe, that's okay! If yours is exactly the same, also okay! Idk where I'm going with this, but there is no shame in having a period, and that's on that!

This also came off way more dramatic than I meant it to be, but I live for the drama so it's okay (this applies to both the fic and the author's note-)

Masterlist

[the-mad-starker]

Starkercest Smut: Quick Tips For Satisfying An Alpha (1/3)

For TSToT and Starker Battleship!!

Figured I'd post this in and I'ma try to finish chapter 2 so I can attack Spidey team over at @starker-battleship !! Not gonna reveal my prompts just yet but they're very typical of me haha 😮

Notes: Omegaverse, starkercest, alpha tony, omega Peter, intersex Omegas, Size Kink, ambiguous age but underaged, tags to be updated

Rating: E

WC: 2606 (AO3 Link)

💗💗💗

When Peter Stark walked into Omega Ed., he wasn't sure what to expect but it surely hadn't been this.

The sex ed class for omegas that he'd been required to attend was just so dry. He hadn't had any real expectations though. If anything, he thought he'd end up leaving with a bright red face because learning about those things with his peers just seemed… embarrassing?

But no. Whatever Peter had expected, it was worse because it was boring. The omega instructor was a stickler for facts, which, yeah, those were super important, but Peter wanted to know stuff beyond what he could find in textbooks.

For the first week, they had to study the anatomy of all sub-genders. Peter learned a lot, for sure. He learned just how knotting happened, how female alphas’ pensies were different from males, and that male omegas had two internal erogenous spots compared to female omegas who only had one. That kind of information was an eye opener, but even then, it was all… very scientific and therefore, not at all what he thought sex ed would be like.

He'd been raised by a very sex-positive parent so it wasn't surprising that Peter had questions. Unfortunately, Peter realized pretty early on that what he had wanted from the class was guidance and a more real life approach than the in-depth diagrams and plastic models that his instructor showed them.

Like Peter now knew about the prostate and g-spot for omegas, but how do you stimulate them? What did that even feel like? He read somewhere that prostate stimulation for some males was uncomfortable but was that across all males? Or were omegas an exception? Or maybe just alphas? Beta males?

He had so many questions but the instructor didn't seem inclined to answer them. It was always a gentle but firm decision to turn back to the books and a dismissive answer that wasn't an answer at all.

It was great, then, that Peter had such an accommodating parent. His dad had never held back on giving him the truth, at least not since he was maybe five years old and had accidentally tugged Santa’s beard off only to be met with his dad’s chagrined face.

His dad wouldn't sugarcoat things for him and he’d finally get the answers he wanted.

Peter set his plan into motion on a nice Saturday morning. The freshly ground coffee beans were brewing and just as expected, the smell of it lured his alpha father out of his room.

Peter watched as his dad went straight for the coffee pot, eyes assessing the alpha over the rim of his cup of orange juice.

His father was the epitome of what an alpha should be, Peter recalled all the social media claiming. His classmates often teased him for having a hunk of an alpha as a father. Add to the fact that his dad was also single… and his father didn't discriminate between genders… and he was rich and handsome…

Peter frowned and took a sip of his OJ.

He tried to look at his dad like his classmates did. Look beyond his quirky lovable father to see the alpha that teens his age drooled after.

Surprisingly, it wasn't hard because as he already acknowledged… His dad really was the perfect alpha.

Alpha genes really were something. Alphas were just naturally taller, broader, and stronger. Put an alpha next to an omega, and these physical attributes were even more exaggerated. Alphas had a more muscular physique compared to an omega’s softer, leaner body.

And that was just the genes influencing an alpha. Of course, like any normal person, if they didn't take advantage of it, an alpha can squander those built in boosts and end up as unhealthy as any other. Not even superior alpha genes could help someone if they didn't take care of themselves.

But Tony Stark didn't have that problem. Peter’s gaze lingered over his lightly muscled arms, his broad shoulders, and the defined muscles of his back through his thin white undershirt. His dad, courtesy of Peter’s insistence, ate healthy and, despite his grumbling, worked out regularly.

“Morning, kid,” his dad's voice rumbled, rough from sleep. It sent something foreign but exciting shooting through Peter's body.

He stood up, setting his OJ aside, and like many sleepy mornings before, he hugged his dad from behind as Tony readied his coffee.

With his face pressed against his dad’s back, Peter breathed in the comforting scent of his alpha. This close, he could smell his own scent mixed in, and before he knew it, a purr rumbled in his chest.

His dad had never been able to resist Peter’s purring and it said a lot that his attention immediately went from his precious coffee to his even more precious son.

Tony turned and gathered Peter in his arms and the omega melted right into his embrace.

As a male omega, Peter stood at a respectable 5’7 height, but in his daddy’s arms, he felt so small and precious. He rested his cheek on his dad’s chest, the firm muscle of his pecs a perfect cushion. Their eyes met and Peter’s purr grew louder which only made the fond smile on Tony’s face grow wider.

“Alright, Pete, what is it?�� Tony laughed, hugging him tight. “You've ambushed me before my coffee and you're purring up a storm so you're up to something. Give your old man a break and out with it.”

Peter pouted but he let his purring taper off before it stopped completely.

“First off, you're not old, Dad,” Peter had to protest.

Yeah, his dad had some silvers and grays in his hair and beard, but he was far from old. He was still in the prime of his life as far as Peter was concerned.

“Mhmm.”

Tony wouldn't be so easily distracted so Peter adopted his best puppy eyes look. Wide round honey brown eyes and just the slightest downturn of his lips completed the pouty look.

“Ouch, pulling out the big guns,” his dad dramatically sighed.

“Dad… You know they put me in omega ed this year, right?” Peter started.

“Mhmm, I had to sign off on it 'cause you know how some parents get about that stuff,” Tony said then raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “Do you want out or something?”

Peter paused but then shook his head.

“No, not really,” Peter decided, “I'm learning some stuff but it's…” How could he explain that it wasn't giving him what he wanted?

“Not what you expected, huh?” His dad hummed in understanding.

Peter instantly lit up, pleased that his father just understood him right off the bat.

“Yeah! I mean, I've tried asking questions but it always goes back to–” Here, Peter pitched his voice to a soft almost condescending tone, “This is not that type of class, Peter. I don't think your parents would appreciate it if I indulged in those kinds of questions, Peter. This class is just to help you get a better understanding of how your body works.”

Peter huffed by the end of his mini rant and immediately, his dad soothed him with a few strokes to his hair.

“Yeah, I get it,” His dad indulged him, “So what can I do, hmm? The classes that’ll scratch that itch in your brain are probably college courses. Psych classes if you're interested in the bonding aspect or maybe those general Alpha-Beta-Omega classes… We can look into some AP classes or some online classes…?”

Peter briefly thought about it but then shook his head.

“I don't think my interest is that deep,” he explained to his dad. “At least not yet? I just want… something more informative or uhh… something more real life than diagrams and stuff…”

Throughout the entire exchange, Tony maintained eye contact with him, probably to show he took Peter’s concerns seriously. Peter loved that about his dad but for the first time, the young omega hesitated. He didn't think it was weird for him to ask his dad but maybe it was weird in general?

They had a strong bond but surely, there were limits and lines between father and son that couldn't– shouldn't be crossed.

He's already gotten this far, though, and with his dad now alerted to a problem, Tony definitely wouldn't let it go unless Peter begged him to drop it.

But the thing is… Peter didn't want to drop the subject. This was his life, his future, and his understanding of what being an omega meant. He trusted that his dad would always have his best interest at heart, that he loved him no matter what and no matter what questions Peter asked.

There was no one he trusted more so Peter took the jump.

“I thought maybe… you can help me?”

There, it was out there in the open.

There was a moment of silence where Peter felt blood rush up to his cheeks and flush down his neck. This was probably the craziest thing he'd ask from his dad.

“You… want me to talk about my, uh, dating…. life…?” Tony asked, puzzled.

With that, Peter instantly relaxed but he did make a sour face at the question itself. He didn't want to know anything about the many alphas, betas, or omegas that had caught his father’s interest in the past. He didn't even try to parse the fact that it was other people getting intimate with his dad that bothered him, not the fact that it was his dad at all.

“Nooo thank you,” Peter denied very quickly. Rando strangers getting their grubby hands all over his amazing father? Gross.

“Not like I have much of one,” Tony sighed then ruffled Peter’s hair again, this time a little roughly, “Too busy with this little troublemaker here.”

Peter grabbed his dad’s wrist and set his teeth to the skin there in a playful bite. And like the good daddy he was, Tony pretended to be seriously injured.

“Oww, what a feral feisty omega I've raised,” Tony bemoaned as he tested the hold that Peter’s teeth on him.

Peter let go but still held onto his dad’s hand. The embarrassment had died down with their interaction. His dad always knew how to make Peter feel better.

“I don't wanna know about your past flings,” Peter told Tony seriously. “But I wanna know things about… alphas… And I've looked into some stuff but none of them were…” Just thinking about all the ridiculous porn he’d stumbled across in his research made him feel hot all over.

“...Credible…” Peter coughed.

His alpha gave him a look, no doubt realizing what his sources were.

“So what… you want like… tips?” Tony asked hesitatingly. “About alphas?”

“Maybe?” Peter answered, also a bit doubtful. He wasn't sure tips was the right word because he wanted something more than that. “...Would it be too much to like…”

Why was this so hard! Peter wanted nothing more than to bite his dad’s hand again, just so the words wouldn't come out. But he was a Stark and even though they were bonafide geniuses, they were also idiots with idiot planning at times.

Maybe he should've put more thought into this. His dad would never do anything to hurt him or make fun of him for his questions. The worst that could happen would be his father saying no and setting up some online learning and getting actual credible sources… But this was what Peter wanted.

He just wanted his emotional support alpha, who happened to be his dad, to hold his hand through all of it.

That was what he wanted. If he could have it. But first, he'd have to ask.

Peter firmed his resolve and then looked up from where he’d been staring at their clasped hands.

“I think I do want tips and… maybe some… hands-on experience…?” Peter tacked on the last bit, unsure of what his dad’s response would be.

Tony’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

“Oh,” was his dad’s response. The request was definitely a surprise, but it wasn't a no.

Peter looked at his dad, hopeful and uncertain. Terrified but excited.

Maybe… maybe…??

His daddy took in his puppy eyes and Peter could see the second he gave in.

“Ohh, boy,” his dad groaned, “you're so vicious, Pete. At least let me have my coffee before you throw something like this at your old man. I can't believe my baby boy would pop this question before I've even had a sip to wake up.”

That sounded like a yes! Well, not a definite yes, but Peter knew his dad and that was a yes for sure.

He pecked a kiss on Tony’s cheek, his face making some weird expression because he was trying not to smile.

Peter quickly retreated back to his OJ, leaving his father to his coffee. He did have a bounce in his step.

He watched eagerly as Tony poured way too much sugar into his coffee. He didn't even make a peep as his dad stirred for a bit before taking his first sip.

He waited patiently and when his dad finally looked at him, their eyes met over the rim of their cups. It felt like something seemed to sizzle between them, some irreversible change that Peter didn't understand.

“Alright,” his dad said once he'd gathered his thoughts. “So my baby boy wants his daddy to teach him about being an omega and what to expect from alphas. Is that it?”

Peter’s breath hitched as he saw the look in his father's eyes. Dark and calculating. The mood was entirely different now and Peter’s heart fluttered as anticipation took over.

“Y-yeah, I mean, yes, Daddy,” Peter tried to sound so confident like a strong omega who knows what he wanted but the words came out coquettish and shy.

That only made his dad hum thoughtfully.

“Alright, Pete,” Tony affirmed, “This… Whatever this is… You gotta be sure, kid, that this is what you want. I’ll always stop if you want me to or you decide to call it off– but some things you can't pretend never happened once you've done ‘em. If you know what I mean.”

Peter did know. Theoretically. Or at least he’d thought about it briefly. Even now, he was sure this was what he wanted.

“I'm sure,” Peter said with all the confidence of a teen who only had a tiny inkling of what he was getting into.

“Good,” his dad said and Peter sighed in relief at the acceptance. He smiled at his father, only for his breath to catch because…

For the very first time, the person looking at him wasn't his patient loving father, but an alpha assessing a potential omega.

Oh…

His dad was already starting without realizing it. With just that one look, Peter was already learning what it meant for an alpha to look at an omega like that. It made him feel… he wasn't sure what but he liked it.

His gaze dropped but then flirted back up. His dad smirked at him, knowingly, and Peter agonized over what that smirk meant. His dad always seemed to know what was on his mind, did he know what he was doing to his own son, even now?

Peter’s hands tightened on his drink, cheeks flushed like he'd been drinking wine instead of juice. Was this how omegas felt when alphas gave them attention…?

If so… Peter liked it. He liked it a lot.

The omega squirmed in his seat, surprised but excited by the indescribable look in his father's eyes.

He couldn't wait to learn what it meant.

[kamisatomay018]

My Saviour: Part 2

Warning: mentions of emotionally abusive parents, a little slow burn, very fluff!

I’m gonna update this series very soon because I hate cliffhangers and I’d hate to leave everyone reading this on a cliffhanger too haha! Enjoy!

The morning sun shone through the windows, indicating the beginning of a new day, and the day your life would be ruined forever, this time by the hands of a stranger. You hadn’t slept all night, simply staring out at the sea while silent tears had rolled down your cheeks. Whatever had you done to deserve such a fate? Perhaps only the electro archon would know.

An hour later you were sitting on a chair, your eyes dull and lifeless while maids fussed around you, fixing your kimono and hair constantly to make sure you looked like “the perfect noble lady”; an order they had received from your parents.

It was safe to say that inazuma had been shocked to hear about a marriage in the Hiragi clan, some even surprised about the fact that you even existed and were being married off at such a young age. The Hiragi estate was decorated with Sakura blooms and all sorts of flowers. After all, your parents had to make a good impression in front of those noblemen.

You looked up at the door opening which snapped you out of your daze, seeing Chisato walk in. You put up a fake smile, bowing to her as she was the heir of the Kanjou Commission and older than you. Although you were cousins, you both weren’t that close. She was a very kind person though, and you had been delighted to know that she had found love in Kujou Kamaji.

“Your parents are calling for you Y/N, it’s time..” you heard the sadness and pity in her voice, she knew this arrange marriage was against your wishes yet she was helpless, she could not change the decision of your parents. You nodded, taking your fan and took one last glance at yourself. In your eyes, you looked unrecognisable, as if a shadow of your own self. Your eyes were full of sorrow, your dimpled smile could not be seen. At long last, your parents had managed to completely snatch every last bit of your happiness away.

Going downstairs, you saw your parents waiting for you. “Finally you have arrived, have you no sense of time? Such important noblemen are coming all the way here for you. Learn to be grateful!” You heard your father’s harsh voice say, making you look down and bow apologetically. “Forgive me father..”

“Forgive you? Never. Now the least you can do is behave properly in front of them, and keep our reputation intact” You nodded silently in response, not having the energy to say anything back.

He scoffed shaking his head and walked away from you with your mother, as you tried to control the tears welling up in your eyes. Soon, all the preparations were done and you were standing beside your parents, hidden behind a screen through which you could see outside, but no once could see you. It had been just 5 minutes and you heard footsteps approaching. Your heartbeat accelerated uncomfortably, as you took a slow deep breath, once again accepting the fact that this is how your life would forever be ruined.

You then saw a tall and extremely handsome man walk inside the house, guided by the guards. He smiled while thanking them, and you felt as if his beauty had trapped you in a trance. His blue hair fell gracefully on his shoulder from one side, his aura was authoritative yet so gentle at the same time. His attire was elegant and suited him perfectly. His posture was immaculate, his walk was confident and dignified. He looked very young, close to your age in fact. You had never seen him, but Oh Archons, what a strikingly handsome man he was. Was he here to seek your hand in marriage? And moreover, just who was he?

“L..lord Kamisato? What brings you here to our humble abode?” Your mother asked, and your heart skipped a beat, although you kept your composure, now feeling thankful for the screen which hid you. Lord Kamisato was here? Had Ayaka forced her brother to save your life? No, he didn’t deserve such a fate, he was only 25 and had never shown any interest in a relationship according to Ayaka. You had so many questions, yet no answers. You kept quiet, watching him talk to your parents.

“Oh Greetings Lady Hiragi. I came to know that your daughter is interested in getting married through the notices you had prepared. As it happens, I would be honoured to court her and make her my wife.” You felt your heart beat louder hearing those words. They seemed…genuine, but how could you be sure? You had never even met each other, so why was the Yashiro Commissioner taking such a step?

“I..oh! Uhm…we weren’t aware you were interested in our daughter Lord Kamisato..” you heard your father say.

“Why is that Sir? Any and every nobleman would be honoured to have your daughter by their side, after all, her reputation exceeds expectations. Forgive me for being so bold, but why do I sense so much hesitation? Am I to understand that..I’m uninvited here?”

Your eyes widened at these words. No one had dared to talk to your parents in such a manner, and you had never seen your parents look so timid and scared in the presence of another noble. But well, he was the Yashiro Commissioner after all. Honestly, seeing the panic settling in your parents’ expressions was way too satisfying to watch.

“No no! Please forgive us Lord Kamisato, we are honoured that you are interested in our daughter!” Your mother covered for her husband hurriedly, making you chuckle silently. It was a blatant lie, they were not happy that he was here. Ayato was just something else, the way he had so respectfully managed to scare your parents left you in awe.

“Ah, that’s a relief to hear. Then when can I have the honour of meeting her?” You heard him say, and you noticed the way his voice softened, almost becoming tender now. “Oh right away Lord Kamisato! Y/N! Come out now!” Ayato had a slight frown after hearing the way your father called you, because he knew well enough that you were right behind the screen as per the traditions, and your father’s tone was harsh and commanding. No worries, very soon he was going to get you out of this prison.

You composed yourself, opening your fan holding it in front of your face as you stepped outside, and finally after all these years, Ayato saw you in real life. He felt his heart beat in happiness as he looked at you; Archons, you were even prettier than the pictures. He had a gentle smile on his face as he looked at you bowing in greeting.

“Greetings Lord Kamisato, I am Hiragi Y/N. it is an honour to have you at our humble estate. I sincerely thank you for taking the effort of coming all the way to Ritou..” You then looked at him, and removed your fan, letting him see your face.

Ayato was awestruck at the beauty he saw in front of him. You were ravishing, your beauty was unlike anyone else’s. Your voice was soft and melodious, and he knew he was already in love with you. He smiled even wider, and to the shock of everyone in the room, he bowed back to you; a gesture noblemen would rarely make towards a woman.

“The pleasure is all mine Lady Hiragi. You are even more beautiful than the words I’ve heard.” You felt yourself blush a little as you looked into his eyes. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of lavender, and you now realised that his clothes matched his eye colour. He was drawing you in already, his presence was magnetic. But you still were reserved, for you had many questions that needed an answer. He then looked at your parents, and once again you noticed the change in the tone of his voice, which now changed from gentle to authoritative.

“I do hope you wouldn’t mind if I could spend some time alone with your daughter, I would like to get to know her more.” Your parents didn’t dare to deny his request, and he then looked at you again, his eyes and voice so gentle for you as he held his arm out in invitation. “Shall we, my lady?” You smiled, placing your hand on his arm gently, instantly feeling this unknown warmth taking over your body. “I would be honoured My lord..”

[ryttu3k]

I'm curious abut Sascha Vykos. Do you know which novels or splat books would be good to read to learn more about them?

*cracks knuckles*

Number 1 book you need to understand Sascha's background is the Dark Ages Tzimisce clan novel by Myranda Kalis, which has them as the main character (along with their lover, Ilias cel Frumos) and explains why they're... like that. Just a goddamn amazing character study, also completely heartbreaking and singlehandedly made me change my view of them from "haha wtf what an edgelord" to "they're my baby and I'm gonna fight a methuselah for them". Set between 1232 and 1234, if I've managed to maths right.

Also by Myranda and set around a similar time (shortly after the fall of Constantinople) is the Road of Sin book (set around 1205). Sascha (then called Myca) narrates the introduction and first chapter. It does specifically focus on their history with the eponymous Road, but has a lot of interesting character details, along with their relationship with Ilias.

For modern Sascha, there are two. First is the original Clan Novel Saga (set 1999), although in this case, I'm not recommending just the Tzimisce novel, but rather the compiled editions. There's a bunch of Sascha content in the Assamite book as well, since they're quite involved with one of the characters in it, and it also includes extra, exclusive content, including my two favourite chapters - a story by Lucien Soulban (Sascha's creator), and an epilogue by Janet Trautvetter, mostly about Jan Pieterzoon but with Sascha being fairly prominent in it.

Fair warning, CNS was written in 1999 and has. Mm. Edgelordy moments. We do not talk about The Foetus Thing :|

The other, probably most important one is Beckett's Jyhad Diary, which I would recommend for literally anyone interested in VtM in general. Sascha has minor appearances and mentions in a bunch of chapters, but is extremely prominent in the chapter Dreams & Nightmares (also by Myranda Kalis/Sarro). She also wrote the chapter Azhi Dahaka, another must-read relating to Sascha.

The timing for BJD is... less clear, because at least a few of the people involved have said it's set in 2005, but also there's one chapter where an event that explicitly took place around 1999 or 2000 is said to have taken place "sixteen years ago", so. Let's just call that early 21st century.

Most of the rest of the books are chronicles, plus one city book - their origin book, Constantinople by Night (1197, IIRC?) by Lucien Soulban, Philippe Boulle, and Joshua Mosqueira-Asheim. Others, in chronological order by setting, include Bitter Crusade (two chapters, Fiendish Winter and Dying Embers, the latter covering the Fall of Constantinople in 1204), Under the Black Cross (1225), and a whole bunch of the Transylvania Chronicles (Myca/Sascha appears in book 1 in Dark Tides Cresting (1314), in book 2 in Haceldema (covers the Convention of Thorns, 1493), in book 3 in An Angel's Plea (1680, also has the most hilariously thirsty description of Sascha I've ever seen in my life), and in book 4 in The Accounting (1998).)

Seriously. Here's their Transylvania Chronicles 3 character sheet:

They appear in two of the Giovanni Chronicles books, three (1882) and four (same, in a flashback that also has my baby Anatole), in the Nightshade scenario of the Gehenna book (1999), although that's since been retconned out of existence, along with chunks of the Clan Novel Saga, mostly to do with the approaching Gehenna stuff, and in particular Anatole's fate. It's still worth reading just for some fascinating ways the world could end. Finally, they appear in the House of Lies chapter of Nights of Prophecy (1999?).

Aside from those, they also have little appearances and mentions in other books, including letters and notes throughout chapter 7 of the Revised corebook, a rather amusing little reference in chapter 4 of the Victorian Age corebook, a detailed profile and character sheet in Children of the Night although that book pisses me off because it put Beckett, Anatole, and Lucita on the front cover but didn't give us sheets for them!, and the opening letter of the V5 Sabbat book, which you can read here (and then ignore the rest of the book and get the Revised-era Guide to the Sabbat instead).

So yes! They show up a lot, and all through the game's history. The three most important ones to read, I think, are the Dark Ages Tzimisce novel, the combined Clan Novel Saga, and Beckett's Jyhad Diary, then the rest just depending on interest in the era or broader story, since Sascha is less involved in those.

Have fun! They're an absolute hot mess of a character and I adore them!

[celestie0]

Hii! This is my first time messaging any fanfic author (I'm an extremely anxious person and tend to be more of a lurker LOL) I'm so sorry but this might be a long one lmfao

First of all, the way you write in general? Absolutely phenomenal!! The way you characterise and describe scenes is honestly so incredibly immersing. I've always had a relatively easy time imagining scenes in my head when reading, even with relatively little detail, but the way you word everything puts the scene straight into my head and it's such a wonderful experience!

Your characterisation of Gojo (in all your works!!) is probably my absolute favourite out of any fanfics I've read of him (trust me I've read an embarrassing amount :sob:). The way you actually capture what he feels like in canon, without making him feel super mean or cold, but still retaining that side of being emotionally repressed is absolutely chefs kiss!!

I also really love y/n in both kickoff and ihm so much. I relate to both of them in different ways, but probably more so ihm reader personality wise (might also be because I'm around the same age as her lmao). As someone who is very emotionally repressed due to trauma (especially of loved ones leaving you), the way you've portrayed those sides of reader in ihm is VERY spot on!! And I would like to add that I, for one, LOVE slow burn, so I don't mind the pace ihm is going at right now personally!

Chapter 12 of Kickoff?!?!? Holy shit I was literally sat there blushing, kicking my feet and giggling. It was absolutely hilarious and super cliché in the absolutely best way possible (I absolutely love clichés if they're well used!)

I could honestly wait years for anything you write. Never feel any pressure to churn out your writing and take it at your own pace!! My genuine first thought after finishing the latest chapter of Kickoff was that it was sooo worth the wait haha.

Personally I have an extremely hard time writing anything but angst, because I like making myself sad I guess who knows LOL But I'm sooo excited about your next work!! I absolutely love the song you're basing it off of <3

AND did I also see some talk about a potential Spider-man Gojo fic in the future??? Cos I would honestly probably scream (in a good way lol) if you ever did that, he's my alltime favourite superhero!!

Okok this is getting really long, but I found this photo of four football players a bit ago and thought I absolutely HAD to draw them as Gojo, Geto, Choso and Nanami from Kickoff (adding the art at the bottom)! But I haven't gotten around to colouring it yet (or cleaning it up considering it's just a sketch lmaoo) cos I'm stuck on how to do the jerseys. So I have two questions! I know you've explained the colours of their jerseys, but do you have any particular idea in mind of what the design on the jersey itself looks like? As in where the colours are placed specifically etc? And we know Gojo's signature jersey number, but do you have numbers for the rest of them too? (I may or may not also have a wip of a drawing of just Gojo from Kickoff too!)

I'm sorry there's A LOT of different plot points in my message??? The most important part was just to convey, hey, I love the way you write and you should definitely give yourself some more credit cos you are genuinely a really good writer!! <3 (Though I know us artists tend to be our own worst critics LOL)

hi love i’m so sorry this took me a sec to respond to!! first off thanks you so much for sending me such a sweet ask :’’’) i literally gaspeddd when i saw it

aaa i’m so happy the scenes feel immersive!! and that you enjoy my characterization of gojo aaa i’m so happy to hear that. and yes i totally relate to ihm reader’s suppression of her emotions due to trauma and lack of trust so it’s been very…cathartic yet challenging to write for her, but i wouldn’t have it any other way hahah

i’m so glad you enjoyed kickoff ch12!! i totally agree that chapter was so cliche, honestly it made me cringe while i was writing it because i typically hate cliches esp when they’re corny rather than on-the-nose, but i posted it anyways bc i figured maybe i just hate it bc i’m the author xd but it seems my readers enjoyed it so :’’0 perhaps i made the right choice

oh you are too kind. i really appreciate you looking out for me <3 tbh i’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and it’s been really hard to deal with the emotions, but coming on here and seeing sweet works n ppl interacting w my stories brings me lots of happiness n i can’t thank you enough :’’) yes i will definitely take my time bahahha that i can assure you LOL and i’m so happy to know you’re looking forward to more of my works!! you’re so right about artists/authors being our own worst critics. i swear no one has been as mean to my writing as i have LMFAOOO but alas i think i’ve gotten better in trusting my direction n kinda choosing what i think is best soooo. progress i suppose? hahah

ok. now. i can talk about. THE ART?!?!?!?!? HELLO!!!!!!! OH MY GODD?!?!!?!?! ok i KNOWWW that’s it’s just a sketch so far but tell me whERE MY PANTIES HAVE GONE?!?!?!? WHERE MY CLOTHES ARE AT?!?!??!

the expression on kickoff gojo’s face has me reeling he looks so focused n sexy and THE HEADBAND PUSHING HIS HAIR UP OUT OF HIS FACE YES YES YES 100% THAT’S HOW I PICTURE IT WHEN I WRITE AAA and kickoff geto’s expression too pls i could cum (sorry i hope this isn’t weird to say lmfaooo i am also very respectfully looking at your artwork as well aaa) nanami’s hair looks so nice too

as for the uniforms hmm i know i said like gold and blue colors, i believe actual real-life UTOKYO has more of a yellowish color but i actually like gold better hence why i chose gold. but…i can imagine the whole jersey being blue and then with gold accents then white numbering?

here are some options!! like w the first one, probs sky blue fabric with the white stripes as gold instead, and then the numbers/brand sponsors or whatever are in white? they would probs have like “UTOKYO” in large print somewhere too, maybe underneath their numbers or sumn. tbh i think the middle one is the nicest, i can picture the stripes of blue and gold, and then accents in white. but the third one also works too!!

as for numbers hmm. ok yes gojo is #10, geto is #7, choso is #4 and nanami is #24 :0 that sounds…about right! LOL i hope i don’t have it somewhere in the other chapters that they are different numbers although i don’t think i’ve assigned the other boys numbers before

BUT I HOPE THIS HELPS AND THANKS SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH FOR DRAWING FANART INSPIRED BY MY FIC!!!! I AM SO HUMBLED BY YOU AND I’M SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE THE FINAL DRAWING BUT ALSO NO PRESSURE AAAAAAAA

so much loveee <333

[retellingthehobbit]

I went to read your comic on Ao3 and I noticed you'd started back in 2020. Aside from your clear and beautiful art progression, what can you tell me about the timeline of your comic?

Thank you! And yes, started this webcomic in January of 2020. “I sure hope nothing bad happens in 2020 that will hamper my ability to focus on a large personal project!” — me in January 2020 with all the naivety of youth. Top ten images taken minutes before disaster. This comic is like a deeply personal diary of my mental state, complete with the long empty hiatuses that are sort of like that part of Twilight where months of depression are represented by blank pages.

One of my favorite things about webcomics is how you can often see an artist’s style grow organically over time. I think it’s something that’s getting lost in the age of “Webtoon Originals,” where people are starting to expect webcomics to be produced by an actual production studio with a team of artists behind them and to maintain a consistent highly curated art style throughout. These professionally funded comics are fun, but they do lose the messy personal organic growth that used to separate webcomics from traditional print comics? But i could go on a whole tirade about webtoon haha 😂 !

The Hobbit is partially a story about someone learning how to express themselves. Bilbo starts the story as this stuffy little guy who is repressing a lot his own personality; he ends the story as a skilled artist writing elaborate prosy poetry about his adventures. I deliberately chose to start drawing the comic before I went to college, knowing my art style would change a lot of over that period!

Anyway here's the timeline as I remember it: Pre-development: I was working on sketches of the comic itself as early as 2016. Chapter 1 (A Bedtime Story/Tooks and Bagginses): (Posted on Tumblr in January 2020, on Ao3 later): Published shortly before I went to college. I was drawing in Paint Tool Sai, and hand-writing all the words instead of using a font. I set out to adapt at least the Unexpected Party chapter, but thought I'd probably adapt the entire novel within a year or two. ("It's a webcomic Michael. How long could it take? twelve months?") Chapter 2: (A Very Respectable Hobbit): Posted like a week after Chapter 1. This was when I still thought I could post a ten page chapter every week, haahahahahahahahahaha Fs in the chat.

HIATUS #1: DANCE BREAK: TIME FOR A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. The exact timeline of 2020 is a blur for obvious reasons, but I do remember the updates became very sporadic over this period. Chapter 3-5 (Very Old Friends and An Unexpected Party chapters): there’s a global pandemic. During Spring Break my college abruptly kicks us all off campus and sends us home. I keep looking at the “post dates” on these chapters like what??? Really? I posted that at thAt time? But there was a global pandemic happening and I was so busy and overwhelmed with college???? When did I have the time? I have no memory of drawing these. My memories of all 2020 are so blurry. I think these chapters just manifested spontaneously.

The weekly/biweekly update schedule has been tossed to the wind, never to return. Alas. Chapter 6 (An Enormously Important Dwarf, aka Thorin’s intro): I was back “at college” during our “hybrid” year, so in practice I was extremely isolated. this was posted during a year after the first chapter, in 2021. I would never have found the motivation to continue if I wasn't so excited to draw Thorin! I also joined a "comic club" at my college which was comprised mainly of awkward video calls with like three people. On a weirder note, this chapter was posted a few weeks after the January 6th attempted coup. I was drawing in a a weird headspace.

DANCE BREAK #2: IT’S TIME FOR A YEAR LONG HIATUS:

I've started to often dislike the word “burnout” when it’s applied to art. It implies that the problem is that you were drawing too much or that you can’t find inspiration, when often the problem is much bigger than your art-- it's wider economic anxieties and social circumstances outside your control. It is very hard to think clearly and create things when you are worried about your future, about work, about housing, about a global pandemic, about constant demands on your time, and about being extremely isolated. In hindsight, I wasn’t “burned out”— I was in a situation where I could not think clearly or produce anything. Chapter 7 (The Lonely Mountain): posted a full year after chapter 6. For a while I considered having this be the “last chapter” of the comic!

Changing art styles was a thing I was really motivated to do, and was my last “bucket list” item for the comic.

HIATUS #3: I get really busy with junior year of college! I grow more and more disillusioned with Tolkien as I learn more about The Hobbit Law crushing labor unions and worker's rights in New Zealand, and how Amazon takes advantage of that. The Tolkien Estate also releases a statement saying they disapprove of any unauthorized use of Tolkien's works for profit or not, which isn't really legally enforceable but is also just an act of pure contempt XD. Chapter 8 (A Tangled Web): I get sent to the emergency room in an ambulance for Reasons and begin drawing this in the weeks after, as I realize I don't care about the Tolkien Estate or Amazon or Warner Brothers or whatever hollow marketable products they produce under the tolkien brand. I think this is the weakest chapter of the comic, both in writing and art, and in hindisght think the comic works better without it pacing-wise. However!!!! I was drawing it in a weird mental state, so. XD

Also, at this point I am drawing entirely in Photoshop. Chapter 9 (Ash and Smoke): Back at college for senior year— time for dragon! The comic starts updating with something that resembles a "regular schedule!" this year had more and more people on campus in person, and I started to slowly make college friends :). Also, at this point I am the President of the comic club, and we are now meeting in person and rebuilding our comic empire. Chapter 10 (The Heart of the Mountain): Some funky bits of writing I'd like to revise at some point, but I enjoy the art in this chapter. Chapter 11 (Polite Nothings): If I were to do this all again I'd shorten this chapter and combine it with chapter 12. One important note is that originally, I tried to keep all chapters under ten pages. This made it easier to post them to Instagram and Tumblr, because tumblr still had a “ten image limit” at the time. However at some point I realized that was more trouble than it was worth, and really made the pacing difficult/slow as I struggled to split the story into ten page chunks.

A lot of webcomics often fall into what I call a “wheel-spinning” phase, where the author is so focused on finishing smaller updates that they lose the pacing of the larger narrative—- and so the story stalls out. I feel like I dealt with a lot of “wheel-spinning” while I was at college, both in my life and in my comic XD. Chapter 12 (The Quest): My internship company gives me an offer to work full-time, which I accept. in the last semester of my last year of college, I take the most helpful elective class I have ever taken: a class on using 3D models in blender to aid with blocking out illustrations. This is the first chapter where you see one of those backgrounds! From this point on my background art will improve dramatically. I also have lots of internet friends and college friends!

As I grow more confident in my art I also make the decision to change the character designs, something I’d wanted to do for a while. Chapter 13 (The Necromancer): I graduate college! It's time for some Lotte Reiniger art. I stay in my student housing until my lease ends. The art starts to grow more elaborate as I have more time to spend on it. Chapter 14 (Terms and Conditions): my summer is free, so I spend it drawing gay little hobbits. I move up North to live with my grandmother until my work start date. This is the very last “normal-sized” chapter of the comic, where I hold myself to keeping it under 10 pages. I also think this is where my new more elaborate character designs actually start to look a lot better XD.

I was finishing up apartment-hunting at this time, so both Bilbo and I were goin over contract terms. Chapter 15 (Unattached): summer free time!! More gay little hobbits. I move into my New apartment and sleep on an air mattress for a while. I have a lot of time to draw and the art gets far more complex; this chapter was also twice as long as my usual chapters. I am still proud of this chapter, honestly, even though it's gotten less attention than Chapter 16/17-- it's one I'd been excited to draw for a while. A lot of this chapter was drawn on my beautiful powerful beloved air mattress. Air mattress, my beloved. Chapter 16 (the Song of the Lonely Mountain): I start my new job! I get a BED. Lots of exciting things are happening. I was really excited to draw and post this chapter, because it’s one id been dreaming about drawing from the beginning-- it was surreal to see it "posted" because part of me never thought I'd get this far. I even started a tiktok and posted the chapter there, certain that people would enjoy it. However, tiktok basically ignored it, alas! This is why tumblr is the only social media site. Chapter 17: I continue my new job. My roommate surprises me with the news that they will move out at the end of our lease, making me realize that months have somehow passed. I make a post asking for anyone looking for roommates in Milwaukee to contact me via dms (that offer is still open, if you’re looking to move here in early June.) I privately am very confused about why anyone would ever want to leave a comfortable settled home to go off on an adventure and then realize that I am behaving exactly like pre-quest Bilbo Baggins.

Chapter 18: the chapter I am working on now!!! Another chapter I have been excited to draw forever!! It’ll feature studio-Ghibli-inspired backgrounds, exciting landscape art, and so much fun! I’ve also started a Patreon where, if you want to see “one page a week” instead of “twenty pages every Mystery number of Months” you can subscribe there. (The first page of Chapter 18 has already been posted!)

But yeah! The TL:DR:

I think the moral of all this (to me) is that it’s hard to make art if you’re just not in a position to do it, and you have to allow yourself time to grow and change as a person XD. Sometimes you need to spend a few years thinking and getting better before you're ready to go on an Adventure. I started this comic when I was very Young and Naive to the Ways of the World. The quality (and dips in quality) reflect my wildly fluctuating mental/emotional states while trying to draw each chapter in the midst of a global pandemic. My art has improved a lot lately, and I think a large part of it is really just being in a situation where I *can* improve— having a decent job, not being in the middle of a global pandemic with no vaccine in sight, not needing to live in constant fever-pitch anxiety, having friends, etc etc. I am completely different person now than I was while drawing chapter 1.

Not to be dramatic, but I think you can see there’s a lot more joy in the recent chapters than there is in some of the older ones. It's weird to look at your art and realize you've gotten happier. XD

[actualbird]

hi zak! I saw the tags you left on a reblogged post about Luke and suffering in relation to catholicism and that made me think. one of my classmates used to mention "the catholic guilt" (particularly about having desire), and I just thought it fits Luke so well. He felt so guilty about loving Rosa (and leaving her alone...) for so long T-T. Also, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about catholic and filipino luke if you'd like to write about it!

irt to these deranged tags i left on this post abt suffering as salvation and luke forever ago, screencapped below for reference

hello hello! sorry this response took Ages but now im finally down to answer this so....

//steeples hands.....is luke pearce catholic coded? to Me, yes, and ive been casually throwing around this concept ever since 2021 HAHA. the filipino bit is actually just me projecting, so i wont go too much into that, but the religious bit Is something i wanna talk about. and i apologize in advanced for how long this response is gonna end up being

quick disclaimer b4 i start tho: im Not a theologian or an expert in religious theory, im just some guy who went through over a decade of catholic school and lives in the philippines, a primarily catholic country. this whole response is not saying "catholicism bad." it's more the institutions from where we experience catholicism from can twist it into something harmful, and i got to experience that first hand and how it affects one's view of themselves

ANYHOO, LET'S START FROM THE BEGINNING

like....the Beginning beginning

part 1: in the beginning, adam and eve did an oopsie so now we're all saddled with original sin (i swear this is important to luke pearce, bear with me)

quick recap on those who are unfamiliar: in the book of Genesis, god told adam and eve not to eat from the tree of knowledge. and then they did. this was the first ever sin in the history of humankind, and it is inherited by all humans through birth. so like, yay, happy entrance into the world, newly born baby child! you are guilty of sin already. this original sin is most usually absolved though through baptism, so it's not too much of a problem. but what im interested here is less of the nitty gritty semantics and more of the concept this all puts forth:

that under catholicism and similar denominations, a child, somebody who has not done any wrong at all, is inherently tainted by sin

now, the Good reaction to sin or any wrongdoing one has done is to recognize it and to atone for forgiveness. and within the "recognition" part is where guilt lies. functionally, guilt has a purpose. it makes us realize that we had done something wrong, it makes us feel remorseful, and it adds motivation to atone, to turn a new leaf, and to be better. in healthy amounts, guilt is useful and a natural part of being conscious over the things you do. and in unhealthy amounts, guilt is agonizing.

but thats for stuff you actually Did.

if the thing you are guilty for isnt actually something you were responsible over, the guilt cant do anything to make any of it better. you cant be a better person from it, because you didnt even do it. it just sits there, making you feel horrible for something that was out of your control. but because guilt is a Good thing to do, it doesnt matter if it's functional or not. it needs to stay. because it's Good, and the sin youre saddled with (whether or not you were responsible) is Bad

now let's bring in luke

luke's parents died when he was very young. this led him to living with mc's family, and a huge insecurity and fear he had from the beginning was that he felt guilty for burdening them, for stealing the love and care from mc's parents when that shouldve been for mc alone. the story SSR Shape Of You goes into this particular childhood experience extensively (and i highly reccommend it to anyone who hasnt read it yet), and tells us that his guilt was so bad that he wanted to run away and even erase himself from existence.

but luke didnt even do anything wrong

at the time, he was a child. he had no bearing whatsoever in the accident that killed his parents, he had no sway over who wouldve ended up looking after him, he had no control over the situation. like a newborn baby born under catholic doctrine, luke finds himself inherently tainted by and guilty for the circumstances that landed him to where he was.

this kind of pattern is going to follow him for the rest of his life, and the concept of inherent sin and inherent guilt begins to evolve. if luke can find himself guilty for things out of his control, then he can also find himself guilty for things that arent even sins in the first place

key example: love

like you said, luke feels immense guilt over loving mc. but why? love is the opposite of a sin, afterall.

it's just a sin when luke does it. because luke sees himself as inherently bad, and sees mc as inherently good. he sees himself as unworthy of her or someone who will just bring pain into her life, and causing pain someone you love is bad. if love is the knife he uses to hurt someone he loves, then that love is bad. that love should not be realized, and luke should feel guilty for even yearning for her.

by this point i think it's obvious that original concept has become twisted and overly punishing, even cruel. and thats because:

a lot of institutions teach catholic doctrine in an unhealthy and harmful manner. this is why many catholics and lapsed catholics experience The Catholic Guilt(TM). what was originally a pretty reasonable thing gets blown out of proportion from the places we learn these things from, and then getting exposed to this for majority of our lives lets it worm its way into our brain where it'll tend to stay

and if one's brain also has a tendency for self hatred and/or mental illness........well. it all gets worse.

it's clear in canon that luke is uhhhh not the most mentally well individual. his guilt is so overwhelming that it's the driving force in so many of his choices, stories, and experiences. which is big reason #1 for why luke just seems so catholic to me, because of the sheer intensity of his guilt and how he sees himself as inherently bad and unworthy.

but in the roadmap of sin, thats only the beginning. because the process goes:

sin (bad) -> recognition of the bad aided by guilt (good) -> atonement to become better (good)

which leads to big reason #2

part 2: suffering, pain, and misery as atonement

it's important to note that catholicism does not posit that "suffering is good", but there is a clear pattern of veneration for people who endure suffering under noble causes. many, many people in catholic history have been martyred (and many also sainted), one of the biggest examples being jesus himself.

pain is not good, but someone who chooses to take it on for good reasons (self-sacrifice, martyrdom, putting others above one's self) or stays good in spite of all the pain they experienced (unwavering faith, a heart of gold), well, THAT person is good.

however, like a lot of stuff in catholicism, things get twisted into extreme variations because of how it gets taught or experienced. it doesnt take a genius to see how "people who endured pain for good reasons were brave and devoted people" can transform into "to experience pain is inherently noble" when you take into consideration that many sins (like, of the seven deadly sins variety, pride, sloth, lust, etc etc) are variations of indulgence.

specifically over-indulgence, yes, but there's a dichotomy now. here, in the list of Good Stuff are things that feel not-so-good, and over in the list of Bad Stuff are things that do feel good

bad stuff is a sin, and from part 1, sins are things you should be guilty for

and now, to feel good is also bad, so you should be guilty for that. which reinforces the concept that to feel bad is good.

congratulations, you've unintentionally glorified suffering and demonized pleasure! //sad trumpet noises

you can see this kind of thinking pretty clearly in luke pearce. there are the big examples like the previous one i brought up, where he feels so guilty for his feelings for mc. but it appears even in smaller casual situations, like in his 1st birthday event story. this moment was seared into my brain

"can i look forward to this?" is indicative of hesitating in the face of happiness. even something as mundane as anticipating a birthday surprise is something to be approached with caution, feels too good to be true, to be allowed, because feeling good is bad and luke doesnt see himself worthy of it

but okay, we're all guilty now of the horrible sin of enjoying life. what comes next? atonement, becoming better, growing from the bad to become good, right?

and what better way to cleanse one's self from the sin of feeling good but through the nobleness of enduring pain?

luke is guilty over the sin robbing burdening mc and her family -> thats okay he's leaving for college anyway! wont be able to burden them there -> oopsie the NSB happens but hey at least this lone wolf suffering is a great way to atone for his past sin -> oh god the guilt of abandoning mc though -> oh GOD the mission that killed everybody but him -> NEW ACHIEVEMENT: SURVIVOR'S GUILT ON TOP OF THE CATHOLIC GUILT! -> oh GOD he's even guiltier now of his feelings for mc because of his illness, he'll only bring pain to her, how selfish of him to have feelings like this, bad and wrong -> the best way to handle this is to stay away from her to let her live in peace (lacking the pain that luke will bring) and deprive himself of her who brings him joy (inflicting pain of separation onto sinner as punishment) -> the path to salvation (to being good, because only in being Good is someone worthy of love) is through constant suffering and endless self-deprivation

kinda insane how luke's self-perceived sins and self-inflicted sufferings gain compound interest of misery, but his spiral into self-loathing is littered with this kind of nonsensical "because i did [THING], i should deserve pain/NOT deserve happiness"

for luke, suffering became the mode of atonement, it became the solution for sin and guilt.

part 3: conclusion

to wrap this all up, i wanna make it clear that i dont necessarily think luke is like, catholic in the story. nor is even it a headcanon i have. it's more that the intensely self-punishing thought patterns luke has in relation to guilt and suffering are very, very familiar. it resonates in a way that is horridly relatable to people who have experienced these specific catholic experience woes, but it can also resonate in completely different ways to other people as well.

but given that....yeah. based on my own experiences, all this //gestures at too-long response, is why i keep using catholic language and imagery whenever i talk about luke. it's so familiar. he's so familiar. luke would not be out of place in a filipino catholic high school crying during a 3 day retreat

thanks for the ask!!!

[yandere-fics]

Skylar Anderson

♡ "Heya! I'm really glad you've moved here! Huh? Oh for not reason in particular, it's just... it's been awhile since the place next door has been occupied! I hope your stay is wonderful." ♡

Skye is a shy yandere at first, not really even aware of her own feelings and intentions. Unlikely to make a move unless something pushes her over the edge and even if her actions are sinister in nature, she can always justify anything she does in the name of romance. After all even the leads in romance movies often push the boundaries. If you say her actions are bad then you simply don't know what you're talking about, as long as she never does anything worse than what her sister Sophie would do, she feels justified. Skye is the perfect sister and so there can never be any flaws with her actions. She is the perfect person and you are her perfect darling. Just please avoid disrupting her perfect image of herself. Always humble but secretly full of herself and the image she has crafted.

♡ "My full name is Skylar Anderson but everyone just calls me Skye so you can too! Oh no, we're not related to those Andersons. It's just a common last name I guess." ♡

The Anderson family is a very prominent religious family within the region although they never come to the seaside anymore after discovering their eldest daughter decided to move to a small coastal town. Most people would be unaware that Skylar is even alive since the current rumor is that most of the Anderson sisters died when the reality is that most of them simply ran away from home. Skylar left home after running from an arranged marriage, and since then has been receiving a monthly check in order to never reveal her relation to her parents. She mostly accepts the checks though because she believes if she stopped her parents would freak out and send someone to kill her instead.

♡ "I am... uhm... 24! Yup, 24. Sorry, I just never really think about it that often. Yeah I know 24 is a bit old for someone who just finished my college degree, but what can I say? I got a bit of a late start! Haha!" ♡

Skylar was not allowed to attend college due to her parents wishing to raise an obedient wife that they could sell off. She ran away at the age of 20 and took community college to get an english degree all on her own. This has only served to raise her own ego and self importance although you'd never known based on the look on her face. She was never taught anything formally, all her knowledge was stolen from the books the children in the neighboring estates were allowed to read. Despite this the college was extremely impressed by her test scores and after a much needed bribe, she was allowed in.

♡ "I- what? Huh? Oh! You're asking if I'm into women? Well the answer is yes. Quite a bit of a forward question though. You startled me just a bit." ♡

She is a lesbian, and she's lying about being embarrassed to answer, she's fucking delighted that you want to know who she's attracted to.

♡ "I'm a librarian, actually I would be pleased if you'd come visit me at my work sometimes, since it's such a small town the library doesn't see many people every day. While I do appreciate the silence, it wouldn't hurt to have some company. Especially from someone as sweet as yourself." ♡

She doesn't need to work as a librarian but she enjoys getting out of the house and it's a nice cover for why she has so much money to spend. Most of her money goes back into the library though to make sure her work environment stays nice and perfect. As a librarian she's actually pretty harsh, even scolding children for not preserving their books as well as possible.

♡ "Hmm? What do I enjoy? Well for starters, I really enjoy your company, you've been very nice to have around and I wouldn't mind spending more time with you. It's so hard to choose since I like so many things." ♡

That is a blatant lie, she really only likes you and her sisters. Everything else is far beneath her but a perfect pretty girl would never be so cruel as to remind people they are beneath her since those maggots already likely know that she's much better. She likes how small the town is, otherwise her and her sisters would not be able to blend in there. Her favorite sister is Darla, but that's to be given since most of the sisters love Darla dearly. She also really enjoys tarot although she might be a bit biased when it comes to reading the cards since everything is always interpreted to be in her favor even if it's not.

♡ "I'm not very picky when it comes to things so there's not much I don't like. Hmm, you'll have to give me some time to come up with an answer, it looks like we'll be hanging out for awhile while I try to think, haha. Why don't you get yourself situated with one of the blankets in our cabinet while I think?" ♡

There are a lot of things she dislikes, but the thing she hates most is feeling vulnerable. You can't be vulnerable if you're just playing a character though, as a character she is flawless and can do no wrong, as a person she is fundamentally broken and prone to fits of rage. She hates letting her facade crack, but not to worry, even if her facade cracks and she momentarily flies into a rage where she, let's say kidnaps you, she will always find some way to glue her facade back together. She also really hates her parents.

♡ "Hmm, well there's not a whole lot that I'm super good at but if I had to answer then it would be reading. I am good at this one other thing but I'll have to show you that another day." ♡

She's good at maintaining the persona of being a perfect, humble, little librarian when really deep down she's a ball of rage who is ready to fly off the handle at the smallest of slights. She is very talented at reading too though. She's also a phenomenal kisser since she's had loads of practice but she'd never let you know, she'd likely try to let you take the lead unless you say otherwise.

♡ "Well it's starting to get late so as much as I would adore if you could stay some more, I sadly must send you home. Please come back anytime. You're always welcome here!" ♡

[innitmarvellous]

I finally finished Inside No. 9 after not watching an episode for ages. I had stopped in the middle of S7... Anyway, I took some notes about the episodes which are possibly interesting for a rewatch. They're pretty vague, but I'll hide them under the read more link just in case. ^^

Kid/Nap: Not my fave episode, but the double twist was kind of intriguing. Although I guess it would've been possible to expect it.

Wise Owl: Wow, I didn't expect this to get so dark towards the end. I mean, it wasn't a happy episode to begin with, but that 'come upstairs with me' bit... But I liked that he freed himself from the influence of 'Wise Owl' at the end.

Bones of St Nicholas: Didn't like this one too much tbh. It was a nice spooky story I guess, but not really what I'd expect from IN9 idk

Mother's Ruin: I'm glad I didn't watch this while I was eating something, lol. Idk, but I did quite like it. Lots of surprises (although I knew that it wasn't their mothers ghost talking lol)

Friday 13 (no, I can't remember that title and I'm not sorry xD): The first part was pretty funny, although really anxiety-inducing. That stuff about various annoying things happening when you just quickly need to do something happens in my dreams all the time and I hate it, lol. Well, the reveal of what it really was about was alright too. But I KNEW that something would happen in the end after all. I knew it.

Love is a Stranger: looking back it was so obvious what was going on, but it was a great misdirection, so I was nevertheless shocked when I realises the truth. Probably tells a story about prejudice and how it makes you perceive things and people

3 by 3: idk why, but this one made me really uncomfortable, even though I knew it was an ep of IN9 and not a quizshow. But I thought the twist was a bit too late, too small and if you knew what it was it was easy to pick up on the hints beforehand. I assume the effect would've been greater if watching it blind, but then I would've turned off long before the end of the episode because that was one lame quizshow :D

Last Weekend: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT ENDING, I think this is the first episode I definitely won't ever rewatch, lol.

Boo to a goose: this one made a big impression on me when I watched it and the social criticism is really important, but I think it loses a bit of its effect the more I think about it. It really is an interesting watch though and I kind of want to rewatch it to pick up on more hints like the ads on the windows etc.

Trolley Problem: I didn't expect the story to take this turn and I found it thrilling to watch (the mind game episodes are always the best ones tbh), but I can't really say much about it. Of course there's the moral thing that 'just doing nothing' doesn't mean you're free of any guilt.

Mulberry Close: I found this one oddly funny? The twist wasn't even that big, but the ending was just great black humour, I'd say.

CTRL ALT ESC: I actually really liked the metaphor, even though I didn't understand it at first. And I didn't expect that he'd actually made his 'escape', so the last minutes were pretty tense. Oh, and the title…I initially confused it with the command used to open the task manager, but that's Ctrl+Shift+Esc. The combination in the title is used to force a switch between the active and a background programmes (iirc), so in a sense…someone needed to use that key combination on him to get his programme aka consciousness to the surface again. Kinda clever, and yet you don't realise it immediately :O

Curse of the Ninth: Oh, I loved the classical music theme! The ending with that use of music (and the way he tricked her lol)! And Reece's character constantly getting Devonshire's name wrong was kinda hilarious to me…maybe because it didn't seem to fit the tone of the episode at all, haha.

Plodding On: They might as well have called this episode 'Steve and Reece say: RPF is fine' lol. It was an unusual episode, but idk, I kinda liked it. That fucking 'Time to say goodbye' clip collage tho…that song always almost makes me cry for some reason, haha.

[phantomdialogue]

˗ˏˋ. ݁₊ ✶ ˖ 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝟏𝟑 𝐛𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐥𝐨𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐡 - 𝟓/𝟓 ☆ . ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗

boys of tommen book two

premise: shannon lynch has never felt as loved as she does with johnny kavanagh. he says that he wants her "for keeps" but everything seems to be going too well for that to be a reality. she knows that the other shoe will drop eventually, and while johnny recovers from his poor choices with his health, she just keeps waiting.

couple: johnny kavanagh and shannon lynch

tropes: sports romance, high school age romance, friends to lovers, found family, slow burn, grumpy/sunshine ish

CHECK TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE READING!! - includes themes such as physical and verbal abuse (familial and not), bullying, sexual harassment, and more.

available on kindle unlimited

review below!

review:

i cried profusely through the last 5-10 chapters. i am so unbelievably attached to these characters and i could read about 500 books of them and never have it get old. i loved this book. this was better than book one to me in a few ways but i think most of all, it was the fact that we were already settled into the "world" and knew the people involved. the boys of tommen series involves a lot of characters that i think the reason i gave binding 13 4.5 stars instead of 5 was because there was a lot of the introductions that took a bit (even if i didn't fully mind it). this book, we are able to just jump right in and go back to these characters that we already know and love and that felt so good as a reader to do.

johnny's journey through this book made me so happy. i was nervous for what his choice would be at the end of the book but i think that chloe walsh does a great job of making sure that his thought process feels natural for a teenage boy in his shoes. he's not an adult thinking through all the things thrown at him and i feel like we got to see him be comfortable enough tapping into that still younger boy part of himself in this book which i adore.

oh, shannon. i wanted to give shannon the biggest hug through pretty much the whole book. she really deserves the world and when we got to see her start to come out of her shell towards the end and find her footing amongst her friends and her life, i was weeping because i just felt so proud of her (in the way you can be proud of a fictional character i guess haha). i feel like in the first book, we got to see what her weaknesses were, and in this book, we got to see her discover her strengths, and that made me so unbelievably happy.

this book has my heart. this series already has my heart. i need a little fluffy breather book before i keep going because i know joey's books, which are next, are going to hurt way more and i'm so excited. johnny kavanagh is one of the best book boyfriends of all time and i understand the hype now 100%.

q & a:

are they endgame? - yes. i don't know how to explain it but i just know that they are still together in the present day while they are nearly 40 years old and they have cute kids and the sweetest family with everyone involved as aunts and uncles. it's just something i know for a fact and i think if you read the books, you'll understand. they are just such a strong couple that grows so much individually as well as together that i have total faith they'd make it work long term.

did i cringe? - as i said for binding 13, the irish slang and teenage antics is an adjustment... HOWEVER i can't tell if i just have adjusted to it after the first book but i feel like this book has a lot less of the "cringey" aspects that i mentioned from binding 13. it has become far more natural in this book even more so than the first one and so it just is something that i don't really pay any attention to. like it's important to understand that, yes, these are teenagers. they will do and say stupid teenage things but i think you get used to it and it's not as standout in this book.

favorite part? - the found family. hands down. 100%. getting to read how everyone came together for shannon at the beginning and end of the book really just hit me so hard and the end with them all supporting johnny as well. i just really really adore this found family and the love they all have for each other while still having their flaws. they don't all get along 24/7. they fight and they mess up and they come back to together and i think that's part of what makes it so heartwarming. it's that idea of almost unconditional support, if not love. they are there for each other even when someone is upset with another. i can't wait to keep reading the series and get to see more of it because it truly just makes me so happy to read.

least favorite part? - this is another one where i'm not sure if i have an answer again just like the last book because i think that everything in here served its purpose. if i ignore what i know about the upcoming books, i'd say that i wish we had more of what was going on with gibsie+claire and joey+aoife. but i know that we get to go back to it in the next books and read it from their perspectives so it doesn't really bother me and just makes me more interested/excited in reading more.

favorite quotes (some spoilers here, of course, but minimal):

Promises made, promises broken—the Lynch family motto.

“Wrong school,” I offered with a half-hearted shrug. “Wrong life,” he whispered.

“I need you to take the lead here, Shannon,” he whispered. “You need to tell me what you want from me.” I could feel his heart hammering hard in his chest. The rhythm seemed to match mine. “Because I’m not making any mistakes with you.”

“Better. Alive. Free. Safe. Important. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in days, and that’s only because you’re here—because I’m with you.”

It was different because it mattered—because we mattered to each other.

“Thank you,” I whispered, pulling back to look at him. Johnny frowned in confusion. “For what?” “Asking the right questions.”

It’s like you see me—and I see you. Christ, I think you saw through me that very first day on the pitch at school, because I sure as hell haven’t been the same since, Shannon.

“My life is complicated.” “I want your complications.”

“That from the very first day you walked into my life, you changed me. That very first time I saw you? You sparked to life something inside of me.”

I wanted the world to stop and let us both off because this, right here, was where I wanted to be—where I wanted to stay.

“I’m not in your corner, Shannon,” Johnny replied in a gruff tone. “I’m standing right beside you.”

“You woke me up, Shan. Made me see things differently. Gave me a life outside of rugby. Something to look forward to.”

“You smell like home.” Shivering, I curled my body around hers and pressed a kiss to the curve of her jaw. “You are home.”

“You’re my little darling,” he slurred. “My whole heart’s inside of ya.”

When we’re apart like this, I feel unsteady, like I’m balancing a weight on my shoulders and my reward for not dropping it is seeing your face again.

I belonged with this boy and he belonged with me.

[nickelstudy]

JLPT N1 Experience

So first of all, Happy New Year. It has been a while since I've updated this blog. I've been feeling depressed in the past few weeks, I think it's because of drawing? I feel like I haven't been performing well in art, and that it's hard to accept painful truth that I cannot please everyone- not that it matters on this blog, but it's WHY I decide to take some time to write an update here.

I was supposed to talk about my first experience with N1 but I got busy after. I caught up in many stuff, I guess, plus I was busy with my birthday and helping my family's work throughout the month. But now that it's over, let's talk shall we?

Before That

I haven't talked about my last week strategy, here's what I did.

Stopped learning Kanji and do the drills instead

Finished Shinkanzen Grammar in the first section. I had some days left, so I skimmed through the second section without doing the exercise (I did for A - D i think but- I definitely shouldn't)

Borrowed these two books (pic below). For reading, I did every bit of every question style (there were like 6 of them right? Short passage, Long, etc.)

And for listening, I tried to rush through it but I kinda gave up with the chapter III or IV I'm not sure.

I switched between two of them on the last day

FYI the blue book is actually fantastic! I think I've said it before but it has explanation for each answers. I think it's super cool.

Now For N1

Chapter 1: Before exam

For context, I travelled to the exam location alone, so I wasn't bounded by anyone and I could roam anywhere. I got out early, and arrived there pretty early. But walking from the entrance to the exam spot took a while, to the point where I doubted to myself if I was going in the right direction. There were many people there already. I think the morning peeps had already entered the room when I arrived.

I had lunch and... wander around (Typical Pikmin Bloom player). There wasn't much to do anyway. I decided to take a quick review of some onomatopoeia and other vocabs. I think at that point, nothing is more important than vocabs. It was a while before they allowed us to go up the building. Anyway, I SAW A KID in a highschooler outfit in front of the same room as mine! IM- I DON'T KNOW?? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE THIS GOOD AT THAT AGE?? And of course we entered the room. I sat not so far from the entrance.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that they never announced to bring a mask but they asked everyone to wear it in the room?? Luckily, I had it on already.

Chapter 2: The Exam

Sorry for the long introduction haha. SO, starting off with vocabs, grammars, and reading. I skipped to grammar secion first because it's not too hard or too easy. It's all fuzzy now but I did okay(?)

There was あっての that's pretty easy. But there was one of them that bugged me and I was wrong on that one too. It's といたしまして... so weird, I didn't expect it to answer that. ALSO, HONORIFIC VERB CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD but i think i answered it right.

Then onto reading section because I was really scared if I couldn't finished it. It- took me a while to finish each of them but in a fair amount of time. It's like 10 minutes left that I switched to doing vocabs with a lightning speed because I FORGOT there was a fill in the blanks and not just guessing kanji's reading.

I almost got 誇張 (こちょう) wrong as こうちょう

There were 奇跡、偏り、矛盾、賄う、軽率 in which i had no problems

Filling the words is where I had problem due to hurriness. I missed the 快挙 cause I don't know the word.

見返り too, because there was a word that I thought it meant (repay) and not the first

I GOT ONOMATOPOEIA WRONG ANYwAY HECC YEA i didn't know what つくづく means so i went with きっかり or きっぱり im not sure

Also there was a sentence that was supposed to mean "His body condition was..." I thought it was "worsen" so I went with 崩れる except no it's the opposite "ほぐれる". I didn't know that word but i've seen it before it's the goodamn spirit's name from the game.

I didn't know what 尺度 means or how it is read but I got the meaning substitution right (yay) (it's standard)

Here's the fun one. デマ... THIS WORD THAT I NEED TO GUESS HOW IT IS USED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING ITS MEANING. I tried to came up with the word this word could come from. Dermatologist? Demand? Theme??? (that's テーマ) I had no idea and got it wrong eventually. Can you guess?

It's "Demagogie", a German word meaning false rumor... WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED. I asked one of my Japanese if she knew. Of course she did. She even gave me an alternative for it too... but I forgot. I only know that's it in katakana (im sorry)

Last minute i left one Mondai randomly answered!

For Choukai, it was so goddamn fast. I am certain that if it wasn't fast, it would be manageable for me. I honestly don't know if I scored it well or not, the last listening part were as hard as ever. ONE THING ABT IT THOUGH, there was a part where they were talking in a cafe about how the shop owner use a coffee beans? I think?

ANd FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT'S WITH THE BACKGROUND MUSIC??? My concentration was popped away, I kept glancing around wondering if what I was hearing was someone's phone or the tape's music. I don't even know what the question really was to be honest.

What's Next?

I- I don't know. I just need to wait for the result. But I'll try to slowly get back to learning a bit Korean and Japanese every day again. Probably need to brush up Memrise and Anki. At least 5 mins a day haha. Thanks for reading til here. Keep on learning! I'll make sure to do my best for learning languages this year too!

I don't have new year's resolution but I guess.. continue ASL? I got busy that I have no time to do it anymore. I doubt if I can do it, considering I'll be busy with internship next academic year.

Anyway, have a great year everyone. Hope you have a good luck and success with studying and anything you are willing to pursue this year.

[dreamieparadise]

give me your favorite manga or anime of all time. NOW. like, the ones who changed you as a person in some way. if you are okay with questions like that!

Hi Charlotte!! Happy to see you around and in my inbox! Lemme answer this while I can. ♡

Warning: Super long! So it'll be under the cut...sorry I don't know what shutting the fuck up means! Is it a food?

Digimon Adventure: I watched this when it aired in my country in 1999! I was 7 and was hooked instantly. It helped me through dark times and kept me motivated, for that Digimon Adventure will always mean a lot to me! I'm still a Digimon fan and have been trying to get back into it (it's hard because it's so important to me that I'm stubborn tho lol) though recently I found out Junie is also a big fan so maybe I can take that plunge! :')

Sailor Moon: again I was obsessed with it since I was a little girl! I was a major Sailor Moon fan, and I remember actually having a figurine of her! I lost it as a child. I remember how I was strapped in the car seat when it fell down where your feet rest, but at my age I was too short to reach it so I cried for it and my dad said he'll get it for me! Surprisingly he couldn't find it? The car moving must have jostled it. I still think about it....despite that I think SM is BAD. LMAO like it's super badly written and I despise Usagi. However I adore the other scouts (ngl Haruka is also veering into annoying to me...) still the concept is so fun! And it's hella assthetic so I reblog and re-tweet it like mad. Lmao

Vision of Escaflowne: I LOVE THIS SERIES SOOOOO MUCH. It still holds up for me! I was obsessed as a kid and I watched it again during my second trip to Somaliland while I lay in agony lol (I was 23!) Like the show hits! I watched it...4 times? And I want to again! There are story beats that still stick with me. The art style can get some getting used to (it's the noses...) but tbh it influenced my style, haha. The movie looks better but the changes I heard made as made me vow to never watch it. 😒

Inuyasha: this was the first series I watched as a kid where I was like "this is foreign...this is...ANIME!" Because unlike the other anime they didn't give the characters English names nor did they make the openings and endings English! I'm actually a Rumiko Takahashi fan! This is how I got into her works but also again...like omfg it's embarrassing and not really good, like damn. She has this thing about toxic relationships lmao (except Maison Ikkou if iirc? That was just sweet!) I always have Hot Takes about Inuyasha but it'll always be a part of me.

Saiyuki: the first time I watched Saiyuki it was the movie, it was the middle of the night and I used my parents money to buy it on pay per view WITHOUT asking permission!! I fell in love instantly but was so scared and played dumb when they got the bill and was like "who paid for that!?" It took some time for me to properly get into it, it's dark and can be triggering but I really fell in love with the cast and story! It's very intriguing.

Bleach: it really spoke to me as a kid who's family has spooky ooky shit in its bg hahaha. That and how Ichigo is! As an older sister who'd do anything for my siblings and pushes themselves too far for that...Ichigo is just very relatable. Lol

Katekyo Hitman Reborn: I believe I was 16-17 when I finally got into Reborn? I knew of it vaguely because my two older brothers were into it before me! I don't remember how I started reading it (I have never properly watched the anime), but I did and got obsessed! I was all over this website called Quizilla devouring KHR works! This is how I stumbled onto Jojo! She wrote about the Varia, and I messaged her to gush about it. It's been 15-16 years since then!! I honestly think I'm very attached to KHR because of that. Sure there are fun concepts and I love how I can rotate the characters in my mind but damn it's...a mess. High key embarrassed when I admit to liking it to non-fans. 😭it's very "please don't think badly of me, I beg!!" LMAO

Princess Tutu: ABSOLUTE BANGER! I watched it 3 times and imma watch it more in the future, I know this. If you haven't watched it, you should!

Kingdom Hearts: hehe! Adding this because it has a manga that I've read parts of! Anyway this is so influential to me in art and storytelling...the latter is not good..it's so convoluted but what can I say? I'm a big Nomura Tetsuya fan!! He really inspires me and thus kh is super important....also fun fact as a child I was scared of the heartless and immediately stopped playing and didn't pick it up again for years lmao it's these little guys:

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: what if I told you I only got into this series because it has Jojo's name in it...still! I became obsessed. I love Araki's style of storytelling and art. It pushes me to be true to my own style, no matter what! It's definitely an influence for me.

Now I find them kinda cute...!

Card Captor Sakura: This is the series that got me super into Clamp. I'm adding this because despite the issues I have with their work, it influenced me greatly! It's the reason I'm working on my own universe the way I do. I also want to have a large cast of characters that appear in each other's works. :')

Golden Kamuy: No lie I think this is the tightest written weekly shounen manga ever. No if ands or buts. I think it's wonderfully written and incredibly compelling! It's also very silly? Reminded me of Gintama with how outrageous it could get 😭 still the core themes of the story are about imperialism and colonization so it's also got a lot of serious topics. If you get into it JUST READ THE MANGA! THE ANIME IS SO POORELY PRODUCED.

Dungeon Meshi: 🥰🥺😃😀😨😰 decipher this.

For all of these the plan is to buy either the DVDs or all the manga/light novels!!

[neonscandal]

Hello, again, Neon...How are you? Sorry I have not log in tumblr for almost 2 month. I'm surprised you got quite a lot of interesting asks when I read your blog....

So, first thing first, now I'm in the middle of watching "Fushigi Yuugi", thanks to you. Now, I'm not really interested in the romance but I really love the story and worldbuilding. It's isekai but so good....Thanks for your rec, Neon....🌻🤩

I always love sorting characters to Hogwarts Houses, and because you said you don't mind, can I ask for : Miaka/Tamahome (classic trope done great), Narumi/Nifuji (cute couple), and Vash/Wolfwood (I'm depress after reading their story), Reki/Langa (just read BL that remind me of them)?

Last question (sorry for this long ask, feel free if you don't want to answer all), because you love Hermione, do you ship Hermione/Ron or Hermione/Draco or other? Why?

Hope you have a wonderful day, Neon. And sorry for late in saying this : Happy Belated Birthday, wish you all the good things in life 💐😄

Hello old friend, welcome back 🌻💛 Never a need to apologize! I dare say you and your many questions may have emboldened others to reach out haha so I suppose I should say thank you for that. And for your kind words always! 🥺❤️

For it to be an older series, I'm glad to hear the worldbuilding holds up! I always loved Tamahome, Chichiri and Nuriko because they were so funny to me when I was younger. I feel like I should revisit the series with you!

Of COURSE I'm gonna address your whole ask in one go. Just remember, fuck TERFs!

ROMIONE vs DRAMIONE

As a smooth brained child, I didn't really ship Hermione until there was more obvious signaling that she and Ron were end game. The books were coming out when I was literally the age of the characters and kids are easily influenced and don't think critically. Not even going into comphet shipping at that age. I also loved redheads or maybe just the Weasleys? As an adult, Ron kinda sucked as a partner for Hermione. He took Hermione for granted, wasn't really supportive of things that meant a lot to her (SPEW, though clearly she changed his mind based on his later concern for the elves), was generally harsh with his words regarding her until the cruft of their adolescence was really broken away but, in my opinion, Hermione outclassed Ron and Harry in a lot of ways. In this pairing, it feels like Hermione made Ron better but Ron didn't reciprocate that improvement where Hermione was concerned. We can say he made her more approachable but that was him and Harry and just general socialization. It's been awhile since I've read the books so I may be selling my boy Ron short here. But also, as an adult, I see brilliant, amazing women end up with mediocre (but somewhat earnest) men all the time so I guess we were adequately prepared in our childhood.

As an adult, I'm not going to say I ship Dramione but I definitely see the appeal more. Especially where fandom fills in the gap because, contextually, we see them at odds and how Hermione is bold enough to challenge Draco. She (similar to Ron in the above), isn't the only reason the Draco undergoes his necessary character development we see through the story but her audacity, I think, humbles him in a way that's different from Harry. This dynamic is also more aligned with ships I tend to gravitate toward where they're a little antagonistic with a soft underbelly. I'm not saying this question justifies sharing this beautiful animation by @lyrablack1883 but… an excuse is an excuse. 👀

Onto the neon Sorting Hat, I guess!

Bear in mind, I'm largely of the mind that where the other houses are fixed, Gryffindor is open to anyone brave enough to ask/insist so, if you don't agree, that's cool, too. I give the primary i think they'd be in otherwise.

Miaka Yuki (Fushigi Yuugi) - Gryffindor with Hufflepuff underpinnings. It's important to note that the tenderness that Miaka exhibits is not without an edge. She may not be strong but she isn't powerless. She is kind and accepting of others and fair with a sense of purpose when chosen to be a priestess and rises to the occasion. She's still stubborn and, in fact, the flaws that more prominently make her a Gryffindor is what endears her to others (and sets her at odds with Tamahome because she's a brat, let's be serious). Still, with the whole world on its head, Miaka doesn't shy away from her duty and grows a lot along the way.

Tamahome (Fushigi Yuugi) - okay this is a bit of a toss up but only because it's been so long since I've seen Fushigi Yuugi that I'm torn between Ravenclaw and Slytherin, for obvious reasons. Tamahome is loyal to a cause and is subsequently very logical about the means to satisfy that end. Character wise, I just can't determine (or recall, rather), whether he could justify any means to that end. I'm leaning toward Ravenclaw with the loyalty to his family and then the Suzaku Warriors but I'm open to your interpretation as someone who may have seen it more recently.

Narumi Momose (Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku) - Ravenclaw. Intuitively, Narumi had a goal in mind and creatively deduced camouflage would be the best means to be successful socially and at work. It's a little dishonest but with earnest intentions. But Narumi is a Ravenclaw in the daffy way the Luna Lovegood is a Ravenclaw. That's not to suggest neither lack intelligence but their focus tends to be elsewhere. Whatever the special interest, they know it all, you know? Good luck trying to be a normie, Narumi.

Hirotaka Nifuji (Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku) - Bear in mind I have one season of Wotakoi under my belt. But the biggest indicator for my determination is that Hirotaka managed to hide his crush on Narumi for the full duration of the season. Cool, and nonchalant but the frenzy when his brother almost blew his cover? Slytherin. Mans had a goal all along and while Narumi seemed to fall in line with that out of convenience, it suited his purposes all along and we only see an aberration in his behavior when that was potentially jeopardized. Harmless as the circumstances were, it's giving Slytherin.

Vash the Stampede (Trigun) - Hufflepuff to a fault with sympathy for the devil. He will do what is right, damn the consequences and the risk of personal injury to himself. He was given a life and seeks to protect the lives of others at all cost. This sunshine boy isn't without shadow, driven to offset his brothers' misdeeds, for sure. But Rem, I think, is a stronger guide in how Vash lives his life. He doesn't do it for the glory, it's simply what must be done. He certainly doesn't go looking for trouble the way a Gryffindor might. It just finds him and he tries to resolve it as amicably as possible with a moral compass always pointing due North.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Trigun) - SLYTHERIN. Hat's barely rested upon his head and definitively we know that Nicky D will do whatever's needed to get his desired end. Not saying Vash won't make him question himself but, ultimately, Nicholas will do what Vash can't. His morality rests upon a razor's edge and he's learned that the only way to protect the people he love's are by doing the dirty work necessary. With Vash's influence, he may be tortured about it, though.

Reki Kyan (SK8 the Infinity) - Gryffindor with a strong Hufflepuff alignment (is this why Miya warms up to him?). Not only is he earnestly hardworking and kind, the glue that brings everyone together. But he's also brave, punching well above his weight class to stand up to Adam and protect Miya and, ultimately, to triumph over him because of his own brilliance and ingenuity.

Langa Hasegawa (SK8 the Infinity) - Gryffindor with a spice of Ravenclaw. ✨ Naturally skilled and adept skater (after some serious hard work as a boarder), I think Langa wouldn't have wound up pursuing skating at all had he not gotten swept up into it through the series of events as outlined. But, in the new environment, he's able to leverage his previous expertise critically and playfully and ascend to awe inspiring heights. Doesn't mean he's not still a bit of a himbo. Affectionately, Reki and Langa at their core are idiot 🤝 idiot and we love them for it.

Anon, a BL that reminds you of Reki and Langa!? Drop the rec, bestie! How could you not include? Do I need to make a rules page? Pay the troll toll, guys!

[sgtpeppers]

UPDATE: so I finished reading the current chapter of if you leave me. So far, it’s an intriguing but endearingly goofy story. I adore it. I love Paul’s characterization and his love for his brother, it’s very very sweet. I wonder if we’ll ever get to know more about John’s “job” and what he does that’s so nefarious and secretive. Also any idea when the next chapter will be up? Fun fact: I’ve been really depressed lately (really depressed being an understatement) and in a desperate attempt to entertain myself, I went in search for some good ol’ McLennon fan fiction. Yours was it.😭😭😭😭i took my time reading it which kept me in a giggly state—miles better than having to constantly think about what I am going through.

With that said I was craving more of your content so I went to your page. Immediately clicked on do you want to know a secret because not only is that my all time favorite Beatles song (and yes shh I also have a wip mclennon fanfic by the same name), but the synopsis was thoroughly intriguing. Suffice to say I was completely blown away by the writing and it inspired me. I ADORE (for lack of a better word 😬?) the internalized homophobia trope because for me it’s ALL about the 🤌✨yearning. It was a tight exploration of the Hamburg days and the characterizations were spot-on and compelling. Also. I just love love love George and I REALLY loved Ringo pulling EVERY. DAMN. NIGHT. I am all about a good coming-of-age moment and Hamburg is the perfect stage to watch it all play out. POOR JOHN. POOR PAUL. I’ve only read Chapter 1 so far (I read aloud to my sister and we listened to my Beatles playlist in the background, it was a vibe) and I was GAGGED. AGAHAHAHAHA. Thank you for your service. <3333

Thank you so much for such a lovely message! I'm glad it's been able to help you take your mind off what you're going through, that alone makes writing it worth it and I hope things get better for you 🫶

To answer your questions, honestly we don't really find out anything more about John's "job" because I was feeling lazy and it wasn't super important to the plot but I do leave it a little bit open at the end for a potential sequel which would dive into that. (I'll level with you, this fic was entirely self-indulgent and so any plot was really only planned the minimal amount haha.) And the next chapter will be up on Monday! It will be the last full length chapter, and then the following Monday I'll be posting a short epilogue.

And omggg, thank you so much for reading do you want to know a secret! It's my favourite thing I've ever written and I'm always over the moon to hear people's thoughts on it. The internalised homophobia trope is absolutely one of my favourites as well, it makes for such interesting dynamics both internally for characters and between characters and you get it, it's absolutely about the yearning, and I love that constant go between of a character being soo in love with someone and hating themselves for it, struggling to hold both things in themselves until they reach the point of not being able to deny anymore, and in choosing their love of the other person, choosing themselves as well for the first time.

Thank you so much for the update, I hope you carry on enjoying it and look after yourself <3

[rawliverandgoronspice]

hi! firstly, sorry in advance for the long ask. your blog is very thought provoking! secondly, i wanna say i really appreciate all your writing on totk - i’ve kinda deliberately avoided looking at any critiques of the game because, quite frankly, i had a fun time in the moment while playing it and i didn’t want to sully that experience, but your posts have all been quality and have given me a lot to think about with respect to the narrative, its aims, and whether or not “pure, uncomplicated, escapist fiction” is actually a good thing

i digress though - the subject i wanted to ask about, which comes up both in your general “all the consequences were undone and therefore nothing mattered” stance, and more directly in your post about dondons/humanity/morality (specifically the part about “should we trust the bargainer statues that nothing matters? or should we actually care about light vs dark?”) is kind of the age old sentiment that the journey is more important than the destination, and how you think about this in the context of zelda as a narrative, as a defining game in the adventure genre, and now as a landmark in the open world style

in the case of the bargainer statue, i was thrown by you framing “trusting the statues about morality” vs “being moved by the struggle of light against dark” as an either/or - a grimly nihilistic view. in the game (and, i think, in real life), the message is that the ultimate futility of everything does not invalidate the reality of people living their lives in the present, and a positive nihilism challenges us to try and help people and do good in spite of that meaninglessness. this is why the bargainer statues feel so bizarre and un-zelda-like (or at the very least, un-hyrulian. not a bad thing!) - the universe of zelda has always at its core been about how helping other people is a noble endeavor and is its own reward (with gratitude in skyward sword actually manifesting this physically), and the bargainers’ ambivalence flies in the face of this. it’s obvious to us as the player that towns being destroyed and lives being torn apart is objectively bad, even if everyone ends up as a poe in the depths either way, and the bargainers reading as sinister and alien actually reinforces this more than it calls it into question. the quality of the time spent in life matters, even if the ending looks the same

as a game, i think zelda has always been at least as much about the stories and connections you experience on your quest to deal with the big bad as it is about that actual climactic fight. it’s always leaned into the adventure half of “action/adventure,” and in some ways i do think this is what “gameplay before story” originally meant. as you’ve noted, some of the brightest points of totk are the sidequests and characters for whom you can make a small but noticeable difference, and through which you’re driven to interrogate the world and maybe yourself too. and it’s because of these connections that reverting things at the end doesn’t make everything futile and pointless. link is our connection to hyrule, and if the adventure impacted us positively, then we can infer that it impacted link (and to a lesser extent, zelda) positively as well, and that’s worthwhile even if the external circumstances change

a last quick point is that i think the increasingly open world nature of the series also reinforces this - sure you can run naked straight to castle and beat ganondorf without engaging with the game in any way, and you’ll save the day the same as someone who put in 300 hours on the way there, but your takeaway will be completely different, because that journey is the entire point

anyways thanks again for your thoughtful posts and for reading this far if you did!

Heyy thank you so much for perusing my blog and leaving such a thoughtful ask, it's greatly appreciated! <3

That's interesting you took the Dondon post in that way, as it wasn't what I meant at all haha. But I do recognize it was worded in kind of a cryptic way, and left it up to interpretation perhaps a tad too much (see: the limits of subtext), so I can try and make myself a little more clear (and I also think you bring up really good points that completely deserve to be mentioned and that I personally do not mention nearly enough)

What I meant by the "either/or" isn't what we, as an audience should take away as what's important or meaningful, and completely discard the other part as useless. It's not what we experience ingame, and this contradiction is inherently interesting and sparks some degree of conflict (good! storytelling need those and totk is conflict anemic honestly)

What bothered me is that we are prompted, in the game, to see things in an extremely black and white way in spite of an argumentation that maybe, we shouldn't. It's not bad in itself, I even think it's great that we get to question the moral fabric of the world! It's one of the very rare (in my opinion) compelling things about the narrative weaved out for us. But the endgoal of the game still remains the same: find Zelda, and swear yourself/all of your friends to Rauru's ancestral kingdom by using his powers and his guiding hand. Link's role in restoring Hyrule is never even hinted as being a potential question mark, or something we should ponder upon (Twilight Princess did directly question Hyrule in more ways than one, WW is also there, etc). But moreso than in other games in my opinion: we are doing the bidding of a king's territorial war that happened a very long time ago, and the current state of Hyrule doesn't seem to indicate the need for pushing a unified kingdom back onto everybody, or at least it wouldn't be a problem if not for Ganondorf's presence (which in of itself is still arguable as an argument for royal unity, since people would have been willing to band together for the sake of their own communities regardless of whether or not there was a unifying realm --remove the Sage's vow, and I don't believe Link's friends would have let him handle his fight on his own even without having to swear their alliegeance to what is basically a dead kingdom by this point).

My problem isn't the statues; it's that this Light/Darkness framing is only ever questioned when close to them/the Monster Brothers, and the rest of the world is extremely rigid in what is the correct path --but without the added tragic weight that other Zelda games generally have about this aspect (the Sages in OoT being torn from their previous aspect/your own lost childhood, Skyward Sword's Hylia and the way she enacts her plan through people who never had a choice --and that's identified as something bittersweet, not to mention the infamous curse of Demise...)

I do adore what you mention, this sort of "positive nihilism" as a staple of the series. It's never as apparent as in Majora's Mask in my opinion, where getting people comfort and rest is ultimately without consequence as you constantly reset their minds, but it still feels meaningful to have helped. I think BotW did that really well too --where you help people rebuidling life and meaning in the middle of the desolation, making the post-apocalypse hopeful, a place for potential growth and change and resilience and experimentation. In TotK, however, I don't think your efforts are as centered around making sure these people get a future as they were in BotW (except maybe, as you mentioned, in a couple of sidequests --Lurelin's village being one of them, for example). Maybe it's because Ganondorf's threat is not as clear as the Calamity's was, maybe it's because what guides your adventure is to find Zelda first and foremost rather than defeating whatever threatens the peace (treated narratively as a hindrance more than the core problem, even if it is ultimately the core problem --again, the narration/quest design is pretty messy here and it doesn't help matters), or maybe it's because the endgoal is not for people to make their own way into the world, but mostly for the wayward folk of Hyrule to be ushered back onto the glorious trail of Hylian/Zonai's legacy --but to me, the game has a weird agenda regarding Link/the player's role into this world that is generally tangential to his role as a hero and a balancing force in other legends. Here, he starts the game as a knight. His duty is to Zelda, but it ends up overlapping to what Zelda represents in a far more abstract way than usual.

What I think works in TotK in terms of "positive nihilism" is actually Ultrahand, and this gimmick of "world as playground", which I believe is a very clever and engaging way to imagine an open world. There are a ton of little gameplay moments that are yours to shape and inject meaning into; manipulation for the sake of it, the joy of play, and experimentation being rewarded and never punished. To me, this feels the most like inhabiting the world, making it your own, and doing things because they matters to you --and this being enough. But narratively speaking, this is just not really the story being told to us: we are told, us and basically every other NPC, to conform to a plan laid out for us that doesn't ever need to be investigated or questioned --even though now, at crossroad of what the future could look like, would be the perfect moment to do so.

I think what I ultimately tried to point out in that Dondon post is how jarring this hint that, perhaps nothing you do In The Name of Light actually means anything, and this having zero impact on the rigidity of the pupose you are supposed to accomplish In The Name of Light --and the game never seemingly acknowledging that paradox, which made for a (I think, unplanned) pretty oppressive playing experience on my end.

[shadylex]

I see those tags and i wanna know about the (former) kingdom hearts oc real badly now

Oh my god, am I really going to go off?

Am I about to really embarrass myself at my literally 18 year old OC who is the whole reason I got into writing in the first place? And the weird obsession I have with any media/character that has to do with memory manipulation and mind reading?

I sure as fuck am, I'm about to talk about my OC that has basically been my face on tumblr for the last seven years at this point.

You're all about to meet Lexen, and how she came into existence.

Kingdom Hearts 2 released on December 22, 2005, and it was around this time that my ex-friend gave me this game as a sequel to the first Kingdom Hearts I had previously played.

I didn't make any OCs for the first game. I was just so enraptured by being able to play a video game with Disney characters in it and the frankly odd amount of platforming in this game. It was when I was given Kingdom Hearts 2 right after finishing the first one did it all really start to sink in.

Little 11 year old me was FULLY invested in anything edgy or cool looking, as with all kids around this age, and Organization XIII basically took me by the throat and never let go. This was my first jump into fandom and fan art and writing and a whole world that I now was able to read and look. I never really joined any big communities, I actually have a sour experience with the KHInsider website at the time so I really missed out on community.

Which is fine, I think I would've turned out much more toxic if I was part of a large community. What is more important is that KH2 was the beginning of Lexen.

Lexen is a self-insert of myself. Full on, just me thrown into the Kingdom Hearts world and having a good time, marysueing it up and just living it up in the haydays of FF.net. Then I started getting more creative and made a whole new character to investigate a thing that was barely touched on in KH2's plot.

The fact that Sora lost a lot of his memories between 1 and 2. I didn't realize at that time that Chain of Memories had happened, so the only exposure I really had was Namine who is the only character in-game that had any reference to memory manipulation.

So little ol' me though, "I could do better. I can make someone cooler."

And made Lexen.

Lexen is the secret 14th memory (very creative at the time, haha) and was specifically a living weapon that Xemnas used to both seed worlds with darkness and to keep Xemnas protected from danger and potential betrayals within the Organization.

My main concept for her was the fact that Nobodies within KH were said to have no emotions, merely mimicking their emotions from memories they have when they were alive. So... what happens when you are reborn but have no memories?

You have no frame of reference, no ability to experience emotions. At that moment, you are a blank slate. And all it takes is one person to pick you up and basically rewrite you however way they want.

Xemnas was the one to find Lexen first. Give her a name. Give her a purpose.

And Xemnas became Lexen's whole world and universe.

There was a devotion not born really out of loyalty, though that came about later, but because there was a lack of direction for Lexen. There was no reason for her to doubt, so she just followed without thought.

It was discovered fairly early on that she had an ability to mind read and to also extract memories out of a person. Xemnas saw potential in this power and trained her to be more autonomous and skilled with her powers. Eventually getting her to a point where she could made decisions for herself, but they were always to the benefit of Xemnas. To the Organization as a whole? Not always, it wasn't Lexen's job to question that. Just to follow orders and do them successfully.

Somewhere in her training and growing, it was also discovered she had a bit of Darkness within her. Not like she was harnessing Darkness as a power and using it herself, just a ball of Darkness that lived in her body separate from her soul. And it was growing more and more as she went to different worlds to plunge them into Darkness.

Until it eventually got strong enough to manifest as a whole new being.

Introducing: Berserk! The person who has been my icon on tumblr for the last 7 years!

She is not an alter ego to Lexen. She is not a power up move for Lexen. She is a completely separate identity and being that just happens to live in the same body as Lexen. Two minds, one body. And Berserk really wants to have sole control over this body to just cause untold amounts of damage towards anything. Not exactly something Xemnas wants out of his living weapon.

What he wants is total control and total loyalty to his word. Berserk (the name was given to her after she tried to kill him) was a wrench in the plan, but perhaps useful in specific situations.

My personal headcanon for Xemnas' power (which is Nothingness) is that he is an equivalent God to Nobodies. He can manipulate them, solidify their existence, and also erase them. It was how I justified his position as head of the Organization and how most everyone followed his word without asking too many questions. Those who did well... I eventually learned about Chain of Memories and added that to the lore.

So Xemnas used his powers to create a mental wall between Lexen and Berserk. Lexen would always have control of the body, was the dominate mind, and Berserk was locked away in a box to never be released unless used for specific means. Lexen was thrilled about this, no need to worry about the second person in her head. Berserk grew to have an absolute vendetta against Xemnas and Lexen for being her jail and jailer.

And it all came to a point by the end of KH2. When Xemnas was in the final showdown between himself and Sora and Riku. Lexen was waiting on the sidelines, looking for a signal to jump in and save Xemnas. But it never came, but Lexen decided to make the choice herself but she never was able to save Xemnas. Because as Xemnas was getting his ass handed to him by Sora and Riku, his focus on Lexen and Berserk's mental barrier faltered and Berserk took over.

Berserk and Lexen fought at this moment. A mental battle over who would have control over the body and have access to the rest of the universe. It concluded with Lexen having formed a mental barrier herself and blocking off Berserk long enough to regain sight and hearing with her body, but it was all over by then.

She had failed in protecting the one person that was her entire reason for living, and he was dead. The world she was on was falling apart. She has to decide right now if she wants to escape and keep living, or give up and let Berserk take over and never be seen again.

Lexen obviously took the step to escape. Was it out of survival? Maybe revenge? But she don't have the emotional output for revenge, and what good was it afterwards when her person that gave her purpose is dead forever?

These are all questions she had as she escaped onto a ship and flew off into space. Questions she never had reason to think about until now. It was now down to Lexen alone to decide what to do with this life and non-existence she was given and to make a person out of herself.

I dub these her Wandering Days.

And this is where I usually hang out in my internal exploration for Lexen, because there is where I can drop her into any fiction work without changing her character to fit the place. I start reading a book series I like? Throw Lexen in there straight from Kingdom Hearts and just let her explore. I'm watching Star Wars now? Just throw her in there with the Jedi and have them be confused at her magic powers and mind manipulation without the Force.

This is also my way of having Lexen experience lots of different cultures and people and learning that she can make something of herself. She doesn't need to be a living weapon. She doesn't need to devote herself to a singular purpose or person. In fact, as time goes on, she grows to see the logical disadvantage to being unjust, cruel, and malicious to people. She starts interfering in worlds that are oppressed to try and help them out.

But why would she do that, if she doesn't have the emotional capability to empathize and feel sorrow?

Well, I figured that if there was no emotional response from Lexen, then she solve all things with logical conclusions. And even from an emotionless, non-existent being who was cruel and ruthless before she could still logically come to the idea that it is better to not be like that anymore.

And this is a very, very, very messy summary of Lexen and Berserk. I haven't even touched on how the two minds interact with each other in their mind palace sort of dealio. Or my explanation of how Lexen's memory removal powers work as well. Or how my username is a mash-up of an old name I had and Lexen shoved together to make my new identity!

If you got to the bottom of this wall text, thank you very much!

I deeply appreciate anyone who read all of this and enjoyed even a second of it. Lexen is my heart and soul of a lot of creative writing I do. I keep working on her, updating her story with new ideas and lore as it comes to me and maybe one day I'll share her full experience to the world.