#but despite the fear of vulnerability
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#but despite the fear of vulnerability#azula is still gonna marry her#and theyre gonna be sun moon wives#and live happily gayver after#atla#avatar the last airbender#yuezula#yue x azula#azula x yue#azue#avatar#digital art#wlw#fan art#atla fanart#art#comic#h draws
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blue pink blossom days
#sleep token#sleep token fanart#vessel#sleep token vessel#vessel sleep token#six peepers and sharp teefies :::)#i did the sketch of this weeks ago but couldn't sleep so i finished it#im trying to recover from damocles by drawing#it just kinda destroyed me#they said prepare#but they meant prepare SOME FUCKING TISSUES#vessel and st gave so much to me#things others cruelly ripped away before#gave back my love for music#my love for making art#anxiety is a real bitch and damocles just resonates with me on such a deep level#i admire vessel for even though his pain and fears he still decides to make his art and share it with the world#i admire him for his bavery to be vulnerable like this#and i hope despite everyhing he and the number men can be happy <33#(also as a sidenote ii fucking ripped as always)#illustration#digital art#artists on tumblr
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batman: legends of the dark knight: jazz #1
🔥🔥🔥🔥 THE DEFLECTOR 🔥🔥🔥🔥
#hes so unintentionally funny#he's just like me fr (autistic. intimacy fears despite craving connection. vulnerability issues because of unresolved trauma. etc.)#c: batman: legends of the dark knight: jazz | i: 1#crypt's panels#batman#id in alt !!
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The class darlings
#styt#rachel rodrigo#fuzzy's art#xenon rodrigo#styt danganronpa au#styt dr au#danganronpa ocs#because at some point. thats just what they are#anyways i reallyyyyy really like these damn weirdos#i think that the Rodrigos approaches to recruiting the remnants were. very split down the middle#where xenon genuinely won people over with the charm of his sincerity [and what caused so much remorse when faced with the evil he did]#[like. his genuine interest and love for the people he connected to despite his fear of ruining things is what killed him in the end]#rachel used her fear mongering. she knows how to inspire hate against the obstacles to her cause#because shes managed to perfect the art of making everyone hate HER. plus she has that Zurka Charm that draws the especially vulnerable in#theyre so. fascinating. to me. i love peeling back the implications of the relationships they form
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went to the dentist yesterday for a simple cleaning. staff was masked (surgical masks, so not very masked, but it was something) but i noticed my hygienist sounded kind of congested/was leaving the room to cough halfway into my cleaning. woke up today feeling like shit + full of weird vibrating sensations like i was the first time i had covid three years — which i have successfully dodged for three! years! — and if that office gave my immunocompromised ass covid i am going to be LIVID.
#the anger is masking the fear of worsened long Covid + having to call my care team and admit myself to the hospital for IV shit but#god i am so fucking mad#THIS is what that shitty ‘let the vulnerable tend to themselves’ rhetoric got us#i DID tend to myself. i DID protect myself! for four years! with no fucking help from the government + 99% of the population!#and yet i got sick! getting healthcare! after doing everything right! because someone decided to go to work sick#because they’ve been told that’s fine and covid isn’t a big deal#and surgical masks are fine over n95s despite BEING A DENTIST IN PEOPLE’S MOUTHS ALL DAY#it’s maddening and infuriating and disheartening and terrifying and if my long Covid gets worse (or something Worse happens god forbid) i am#going to become a maelstrom of#fury heretofore unseen#right after i finish vomiting for 14 days#walkie talkie.
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I think I have avpd. I just relate a lot to the symptoms I've found and listening to people talk about it I resonate with too
#i saw some people say. despite having such an intense need for connection and belonging they just self sabotage and have a genuiene fear#i felt that so hard.#i know i have rocd but i never understood why it was so bad. why i always felt so alienated all the time#why i let myself just fall into the background. why i have such a naturally anxious demeanor and overthink comfortable silence.#i worry too much all the time about how im percieved and the fact that i dont fit in and i could never wrap my head around why#or why i push people away all the time for seemingly no reason. i even used to do it in highschool.#getting close to people. being vulnerable with them. its so so anxiety inducing for me.#i thought it was avoidant attachment but it feels like more than that. i dont know.#it would make sense ... im worried im faking it though. idk.#i want to ask my therapist what she thinks. i brought it up before but she kinda brushed it off as avoidant attachment#idk. ive been thinking about it a lot but i also dont want to fakeclaim.#diary
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it's too late for me. i tried and i tried but i'm in love with you and it only grows day by day. even the bad days
#even being bitten by your cousin's dog#even hearing about the horrors#despite knowing you hold unknowable trauma and irreversible damage#i look up to you in so many ways#i'm inspired by you and i think you're my muse#i've had to hold myself back from picking up my dad's guitar. THEE guitar. 1 i fear my family members' reactions and 2#i fear the vibrations of the sound might kinda Stir up my dad's energy if that makes sense#anyways#point is i need to start making music again. and for real this time. it's my passion and music is the most frequent thing that goes through#my brain and in SO many avenues of ways#words#personal#and also#music is love#update: if i stop being so embarassed about witnessing myself at my most vulnerable i'll be able to see my accomplishments
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i get so happy when people that are new to fanfic writing, or just writing in general, post their work on ao3. despite their doubts, despite their fear of something so personal and vulnerable being perceived, they still press that button, and i turn into the equivalent to a proud mom cheering on the sidelines. like yes! you did that! your work is worth seeing! you deserve to share your passion for and be part of a community! i’m so proud of you!
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I. Don't know how it didn't hit me until just now that Dante was my first love.
#I've had infatuations but never that type of intimacy#and despite what he or any of his friends say it WAS intimate#and mutually so#we were frequently puzzled with the ease at which we would be vulnerable with one another#sharing deep held secrets and all our fears and insecurities#that's emotional intimacy#that's literally just emotional intimacy#i won't try to argue other types of intimacy since i only have a basic idea of what the more 'physical' parts were like from his pov#but there WAS intimacy
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I have been homeless for 36 days.
I just need somebody to care. I’m a preschool teacher that sleeps in their car.


I am a preschool teacher living in their car. I completely abandoned all hope of getting housed because I am easily discouraged. When I started posting I have been ignored despite posting proof and being transparent as possible.
Direct Aid:
V: Enyasaint
CA: $Enyasaint
I have been discarded by society.
Do you have any idea what it’s like. I have to hold back tears at work. I’m extra sensitive about my smell. I donated most of my things to charity because I was scared that the parents or my bosses would find out that I’m homeless.
The weather is getting bad. Between potential tornados and increasing temperatures I’m not sure how long I will last.
Not to mention the constant danger of being caught in my sleeping spot. It is incredibly dangerous to be homeless. People who seek to harm the vulnerable with the assumption that no one would look for me. Assuming possessions like a parking lot they could violently remove me from the parking lot. I could be sexually assaulted. I have been fortunate to not have to face these things, but this is just a cusp of what I could face if I don’t find housing soon. I am a young woman and fear for my life everyday.
This post is disorganized. It’s more of a culmination of my thoughts this path month.
Sometimes I can’t even post if I’m not connected to wifi.
I’m tired of sitting at the library all day as its the only place that I can exist
I’d like a home cooked meal. Fast food is expensive and I’m getting sick of it.
I’m craving cereal.
I have a medium goal
To get permanent housing it would cost $6000
I NEED HELP! PLEASE
I don’t know how else to express this. I am tired of peeing in cups. I want the warm embrace of a hot shower. I long for a bed. I long for basic necessities.
If you can find it in your heart. Even if you can’t or don’t want to donate. Can you please post my GFM on your biggest platforms. Even if it’s reddit, Tiktok, Twitter. It helps me a lot.
Reblogs ≠ Do not equal goal met
$20/$6000
Update: 11 hours in I raised $20 🥳
#easter#911 abc#wwe#writing#nature#news#marvel#gay#lesbian#furry#lana del rey#free gaza#free palestine#f1#flowers#doodle#christianity#batman#yellowjackets#doctor who#Spotify
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List of 40 character flaws
Stubbornness, Unyielding in one's own views, even when wrong.
Impatience, Difficulty waiting for long-term results.
Self-doubt, Constant uncertainty despite evident abilities.
Quick temper, Excessive reactions to provocations.
Selfishness, Prioritizing one's own needs over others'.
Arrogance, Overestimating one's own abilities.
Trust issues, Difficulty trusting others.
Perfectionism, Setting unreachable high standards.
Fear of change, Avoiding changes.
Haunted by the past, Old mistakes or traumas influencing the present.
Jealousy, Envious of others' successes.
Laziness, Hesitant to exert effort.
Vindictiveness, Strong desire for revenge.
Prejudice, Unfair biases against others.
Shyness, Excessive timidity.
Indecisiveness, Difficulty making decisions.
Vulnerability, Overly sensitive to criticism.
Greed, Strong desire for more (money, power, etc.).
Dishonesty, Tendency to distort the truth.
Recklessness, Ignoring the consequences of one's actions.
Cynicism, Negative attitude and distrust.
Cowardice, Lack of courage in critical moments.
Hotheadedness, Quick, often thoughtless reactions.
Contentiousness, Tendency to provoke conflicts.
Forgetfulness, Difficulty remembering important details.
Kleptomania, Compulsion to steal things.
Hypochondria, Excessive concern about one's health.
Pessimism, Expecting the worst in every situation.
Narcissism, Excessive self-love.
Control freak, Inability to let go or trust others.
Tactlessness, Inability to address sensitive topics sensitively.
Hopelessness, Feeling that nothing will get better.
Dogmatism, Rigidity in one's own beliefs.
Unreliability, Inability to keep promises.
Closed-offness, Difficulty expressing emotions.
Impulsiveness, Acting without thinking.
Wounded pride, Overly sensitive to criticism of oneself.
Isolation, Tendency to withdraw from others.
#writing#writer on tumblr#writerscommunity#writing tips#character development#writing advice#oc character#writing help#creative writing#character flaws#flaws#character analysis
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Under Your Control

———
Pairing: In ho x reader
Summary: you wake up almost bare one night, away from the other players, tried to someone’s bed in an all too luxurious bedroom.
only to discover that the person you loved, young-il was the frontman and he would stop at nothing to gain information out of you.
Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, dom!inho, sub!reader, non-con touch, age gap, oral f!receiving, fingering, hickeys, use of ropes/tied up, betrayal, stripping, toxic relationship, orgasm denial
———
The first thing you noticed was the softness beneath you—luxurious sheets that felt entirely foreign after the cold, hard floor of the hall. Blinking awake, your arms tugged instinctively, only to be met with resistance. Your wrists were tied to the bedposts, the smooth silk of the restraints deceptively gentle against your skin but firm enough to hold you in place. Panic bubbled in your chest as your eyes darted around the room.
It wasn’t like anywhere else you’d seen in this nightmare of a game. The room was extravagant, draped in rich fabrics and gilded accents, a far cry from the stark, utilitarian halls where the other players remained. The flickering light from a crystal chandelier above cast shifting shadows on the walls, adding to the eerie stillness.
“Where… where am I?” you murmured, your voice trembling. The silence pressed against you, broken only by the distant hum of machinery. You tugged harder against the restraints, your breath quickening. “Let me go!” you called out to no one in particular.
A creak at the far end of the room made your head snap toward the sound. A figure stepped into view, cloaked in black, their face hidden behind the sleek, metallic mask that sent chills through you. The mask’s emotionless design contrasted cruelly with the humanity you desperately searched for.
“Who are you?” you demanded, your voice rising despite the fear knotting in your throat. “Where am I? What’s going on?” You struggled against the restraints, the silk cutting slightly into your wrists.
The figure tilted their head, the movement slow, calculated. They took a step closer, then another, the weight of their presence suffocating. Finally, their gloved hand reached up, gripping the edge of the mask.
Time seemed to slow as they pulled it off, revealing a face you knew all too well.
“Young-il?” you breathed, disbelief flooding every syllable. Your heart twisted painfully, as though the air had been stolen from your lungs.
He smirked, the expression sharp, almost cruel, and yet it sent an unwelcome flutter through your chest. “Surprised, angel?” he said, his voice low and smooth, like honey laced with poison.
The nickname, one he’d used during the games, felt like a blade twisting in your heart. It was a cruel reminder of who you thought he was—the ally who had stood by your side, shared quiet moments of understanding, and made you feel safe.
And yet here he was, towering over you, not as a fellow player but as something far more sinister.
“You…” Your voice cracked as you stared at him, your emotions tangling into a knot of betrayal and heartbreak. “You lied to us. To me. You’re one of them.”
He chuckled softly, a sound that felt like a mockery of all the warmth you once thought he possessed. “Don’t be so dramatic,” he said, his tone playful but undercut with a dangerous edge. “I was doing what I had to. We all are.”
Your lip trembled, but you set your jaw, glaring at him even as your chest ached. “I trusted you,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “...I loved you.”
His smirk faltered for a split second, a flicker of something softer passing through his eyes. But it was gone just as quickly, replaced by that same icy exterior. He moved closer after taking off his coat to reveal a black tight fitted shirt underneath.
The mattress dipped under his weight as he hovered over your tied-up vulnerable body, both his legs on either side of your hips.
“I’m not here to talk about feelings, Y/N,” he said, leaning in just enough that his breath brushed against your cheek. “I need information.”
You turned your head away, refusing to meet his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His hand cupped your jaw, gently but firmly turning your face back to him. The touch sent a jolt through you, confusing and unwelcome. “Don’t lie to me,” he said, his voice a quiet warning. “I know you’re close to Gi-hun. He trusts you. Now, tell me about that plan he told you.”
“No,” you said, the word shaking but resolute. “I won’t betray him. I won’t betray them.”
His lips curved into a slow, dangerous smile. “Oh, angel,” he murmured, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice.”
Before you could protest, his lips captured yours in a kiss that stole your breath. It was unexpected, overwhelming, and despite everything, it ignited something in you that you couldn’t suppress. Your resolve wavered as his hand moved to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss.
When he pulled away, you were left reeling, your chest heaving as you struggled to catch your breath. “Now,” he said, his voice softer but no less commanding, “tell me.”
You shook your head, biting your lip to keep from speaking. He tilted his head, his eyes scanning your body up and down, beneath him. He then caressed the side of your upper body, his hand making his way to your jacket zipper.
Shit, you weren't wearing a bra underneath today, nor a shirt, because it was supposedly bedtime. Slowly, he undid your zipper, exposing your cloth-less skin. "No bra?"
You laid beneath him shaking your head slightly, now bare, even more vulnerable.
"Look at you, so fucking pretty..." He then leaned in, "I might have to be rough if you don't tell me what I want..." He cooed, almost mockingly. His lips ghosting over yours, teasing, before pressing another kiss to them, sucking lightly. This time, your body betrayed you entirely, melting into him despite the storm of emotions crashing within you. Straightening himself up, he pulled your pants down while still hovering over you, leaving you in your undies. He pressed his thumb to your throbbing clit, with pressure before slowly stroking your folds over the fabric of your undies.
“Stop,” you whispered, though the word lacked conviction. “Please...” Yet, he continued, slipping two fingers inside your undies before stroking your folds again. You tried to resist his touch, you hated this, you hated him for betraying you guys. But your body felt differently. Trying to resist the pleasure, you forced yourself to not react, however, your body kept twitching under his touch and from all the pleasure building up.
“Then talk,” he murmured against your lips, his voice a velvet threat.
The push and pull was too much. Your heart warred with your mind, your love for him tangling with the sharp sting of his betrayal. "I won't." You spat, and he responded by inserting two fingers harshly inside you. You moaned, tilting your head back, panting heavily as he began pumping in and out of you. "Stop..." You pleaded, whimpering as he picked up his pace. Your breathing was heavy, gosh, he managed to make you feel so good, you were like putty under his control. "You tell me to stop, yet your body tells me otherwise...." His voice was low, sensual, "...so fucking wet for me..."
You felt your climax near approaching, your heartbeat quickening, you were close. "Young-il..." You plead, once more. "I'm gonna....I'm getting close..." Barely a whisper came out, your eyes shut tightly, body melting under his touch. "I'm gonna cum..."
He continued, pumping deeper and faster, and your climax was getting close and closer until...
He pulled his fingers out.
"Don't stop please..." You begged, "please Young-il I need you..." You mentally slapped yourself for sounding so needy, begging for more. No matter how mad you were, a part of you still wanted him. He smirked, seeing how needy you were for him which also fuelled his own desire. His bulge was evident, pressing against your thigh.
Young-il stroked your cheeks softly, "Oh Y/N, you'll get what you want...once you tell me his plan."
"I already told you I won't." You retort. "Such a stubborn, pretty mouth, hm?" He gazed into your eyes, filled with lust. He wanted you so bad, he'd do anything to make his name fall from your pretty mouth again.
He bent down, planting sloppy kisses on your collarbone down to your stomach. Sucking harshly till he left a bruise, "You'll look even more gorgeous with my marks all over you." Shifting down, Young-il moved closer to your cunt, making eye contact while he licked your folds.
"Young-il..." You moaned, body involuntarily arching, bucking your hips up into his face. Placing his hands on the velvety part of your inner thighs, he parted your legs wider before leaning in again to place kitten licks on your cunt.
"You taste so good angel..." He murmured into you.
He made sure to suck on your clit, with extra pressure, licking between the folds, slowly but sensually. "Young-il please..." You whimpered.
He pulled away slightly, "You want me to let you cum?"
"Please..." You begged, breathing heavily.
"Please what?" He retorted, "Use your words beautiful."
"Please make me cum..." You whined, before he continued, licking your whole slit, your became wetter by the second, body begging for more.
"The plan." He demanded you to tell him, "Now." Before pulling away again.
You groaned, wanting more, needing more. Your body so close filled with arousal, yet so far from a climax.
He leaned down once more, sucking on your clit again.
"The guards!-" You cried aloud, overwhelmed with pleasure. "An attack at midnight..." You moaned softly.
"Anything else?" Young-il smirked, knowing the control he had over you. "That's Gi-hun's plan...attack management at midnight when they've assumed we're asleep." You blurt out, which you immediately regretted. You told him what he wanted to know—about Gi-hun’s plan, the uprising, the desperate hope for freedom. Satisfied, Young-il sucked harder, licking every inch of your cunt with fervour. You moaned loudly, panting heavily as you came closer to a climax.
"I'm so close...gonna cum..." You arched your back further, "I'm gonna..." Then it washed over you, your body jerking harshly as it filled with pleasure. Your walls throbbed, and you felt a rush to your core; you let out a moan, hands tangling in Young-il's hair as you came.
When you finished, he pulled back, satisfaction gleaming in his eyes. He reached out, brushing a hair from your face with a gentleness that felt like a cruel mockery. “Good girl,” he said softly.
You turned your face away, tears slipping silently down your cheeks as guilt and shame consumed you. He placed a soft kiss on your cheek, "See that wasn't so hard was it." Young-il zipped up your jacket and helped you put on your track pants but still leaving you tied up.
He stood up, getting off the bed, “Not a word of this to anyone,” he said, his voice cold and unfeeling once more. “If you do, they’ll die. Every last one of them.”
You nodded, unable to speak. "Sleep here for tonight, the bed is more comfortable." He spoke while putting on his jacket, "When you wake up tomorrow, you'll be back in the hall with the others. I'll see you there angel." He winked, placing the mask back over his face before walking away.
Your body tremlbed as the door closed behind him.
Despite everything, your heart still ached for him. And that, more than anything, was the cruelest twist of all.
#squid game x reader#squid game x you#squid game smut#inho x reader#frontman x reader#hwang inho#young il x reader#player 001 x reader#player 001#young il#hwang in ho x reader#squid game season 2#squid game fanfiction#front man x reader#front man#gi hun#squid game#squid game s2#imagine
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Katniss is like Lucy Gray this, Katniss is like Sejanus that, and yes fine that's all good and true and lovely but Katniss Everdeen is also a direct parallel to Coriolanus Snow and people NEED to start talking about this because it's driving me crazy.
Think about it: they both grew up poor and deeply vulnerable, losing parents at a very young age, with a matriarchal adult (Katniss' mother and Coriolanus' Grandma'am) who fails to provide for them emotionally and physically. They intimately understand the threat of starvation, even developing with stunted growth because of it, and their narrations in the books share a fixation on food. Throughout their childhoods, both experienced constant fear and suffered a fundamental lack of control over their circumstances. Because of this, they're inherently suspicious of the people around them. They resent feeling indebted to others, especially those who have saved their lives. They're motivated almost entirely by family and deeply connected to their communities. Both are used and manipulated by the Capitol, both are forced to perform to survive and despise every inch of it, both are thrown into the Arena and made to kill. Both have a self-sacrificial, genuinely sweet sister figure acting as their conscience. Peeta and Lucy Gray - performers and love interests with a fundamental kindness and sense of hope about them - fulfill markedly similar roles in their narrative. Both contribute to the development of the future Hunger Games, Snow throughout tbosas and Katniss towards the end of Mockingjay.
It's easy to ignore these similarities because, as mirrors of each other, they are exact opposites. Katniss is from District 12, viewed and treated as less than human; Snow is the cream of the Capitol crop, given the privilege of a name with social weight, an ancestral home, and the opportunity of the Academy despite having no more money than a miner from 12. Katniss has no agency over her life, and responds by being kind whenever she's able, while Snow justifies horrendous evils in order to continue his quest for complete control. Katniss does everything she can to protect her family; Snow does everything he can to protect his family's image as an extension of his own ego. Katniss loves her District and connects with its inhabitants on a meaningful level, but Snow is indifferent at best to his peers - the apparent "superior people" - and only engages with his community for personal gain. Katniss emerges from the Arena horrified at herself and the system, but Snow takes his trauma and turns it into an excuse to perpetuate the violence with himself at the top. Katniss cares for Prim until her death and then snaps at the loss of her little sister, while Snow survives on Tigris' blood, sweat, and tears and then torments and abandons her, presumably because she calls him out on his insanity. Snow actively adds to and popularizes the Hunger Games because of his vendetta against the Districts following his childhood wartime trauma - Katniss briefly agrees to a new Hunger Games (which is arguably a facade to trick Coin), but later definitively stops them from happening by killing Coin and choosing a life of peace and privacy. Snow is obsessed with revenge, but Katniss empathizes with the Capitolites and does what she can to keep them from suffering. He exists in a cruel system and selfishly upholds it; she exists in a cruel system and works to dismantle it for the good of her family and community, at great personal cost. And Peeta and Lucy Gray are incredibly similar, but Katniss and Peeta forge a relationship of genuine love and understanding that shines in comparison to Coriolanus' obsessive projection onto Lucy Gray.
So, yeah, Katniss is Lucy Gray haunting Coriolanus. But I bet you anything that eighty-something year old President Snow looks at her, the girl on fire, and thinks that he sees the ghost of his own past: bright and young and brilliant, emerging from a childhood of starvation with a relentless hunger for success, a talented and charming performer helping her win the Games. And that's why he's so afraid of her! Because if he sees himself in her, then he's up against his own cunning, his own talent for manipulation, his own charisma, his own genius. He reads her wrong, obviously, but it means that in his mind he's up against the version of himself that he could have been, with the nightmare army of his childhood at her back and her star-crossed lover at her side, spewing Sejanus' truths in his own voice. This isn't to say that Katniss ever achieved the level of power and agency that Coriolanus did during her time with the rebellion, but it is to say that Snow was taken down by what truly terrified him - his own morality, come to finish the job.
#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tbosas#katniss everdeen#coriolanus snow#president snow#lucy gray baird#peeta mellark#everlark#tbosas meta#the hunger games#thg#snowbaird
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touch starved.
OR dean winchester needs a damn hug! specifically from me, so of course i wrote about it! pretty much based off of my own headcanon that i wrote because this dean is canon— TO ME!
my masterlist
「 pairing 」 : touch starved ! dean x fem ! reader
「 word count 」 : 6.1 k (would y’all believe me when i say this started out as a drabble… faith be normal over dean winchester challenge level: IMPOSSIBLE!)
「 content / warnings 」 : late seasons soft!dean, vulnerability to da max, emotions, emotions, EMOTIONS. no smut (for once!), starts off kinda sad BUT HAS A HAPPY(ISH) ENDING I SWEAR! PLEASE PLEASE DON’T KILL ME
you have one ( 1 ) new message from the author ! ↓
AFTER CENTURIES IT’S FINALLY DONE! just saying once again thank you all so very much for 400 (+87 ?!?!?) followers! this fic is my gift to you! can’t believe over 400 of you want to see my bullshit (and unabashed horniness) on the daily but i love and appreciate every single one of ya! shoutout to my lovely mooties as well!
𖤐 ─────────────────────────
dean winchester knew he had something called a touch problem.
and he didn’t know exactly when it started, but after years and years of the only touch he received being hits, punches, the cold feel of steel from a knife or the heat from the barrel of a gun—he craved something gentle.
he needed it.
and goddamn, he was getting desperate.
at first, he usually just sought it out with one-night stands. whether it be holding their hand during it, or sticking around for longer just to lay in bed with whoever the fuck he’d met that night— that kept him at bay. that’s how he got the touch he needed.
but then he got greedy.
it had been a particularly rough hunt. you, dean, and sam were lucky to get out alive. you’d pulled into a town that had a vamp nest terrorizing its inhabitants, and when you saw the familiar hot faces of the winchester brothers at the only decent bar in a 30-mile radius, you’d decided to work together— as you’d all done a million times before.
but still, it was rough. you three each took a floor of the abandoned farmhouse— you on the highest, dean in the middle, and sam on the ground floor. you clambered down the stairs after you had finished clearing your floor, only to be met with two snarling vampires— which you quickly ganked with a schwing of your machete.
after verifying that no threats were coming your way, you started looking for dean— and the panic that flooded through your chest when you saw him crumpled over on the floor in one of the rooms almost made you freeze.
almost.
years of experience and split-second decisions snapped you out of it, immediately falling to your knees by dean’s side, turning him over on his back.
your hands were gentle but swift as you quickly flipped out the sides of his jacket, making sure there were no large gashes or wounds— and the sigh with the feeling of pure relief you let out when you realized he was just knocked out was a little more intense than you had expected it to be.
and you told yourself that was definitely normal.
right?
right.
“dean,” your hand had gone to the side of dean’s face, the other remaining on his shoulder as you shook it gently, trying not to startle him completely as you masked your worry. “come on ya lug, rise ‘n shine.”
despite your efforts, dean still woke with a start— but you caught his arm with the hand not on his face before he could do anything.
“hey— hey,” your voice was quieter, softer. because despite being one bad mother when you were hunting, your soft side came out frequently when it was needed, without fear of judgment and with absolutely no shame. it was one of the things dean wished he could do as seamlessly as you. “it’s jus’ me, alright? come on—”
you then proceeded to stand all six feet and some change of dean up with you, keeping a hand on his back and shoulders and giving him another once over when he stood over you again.
“you all good?” you murmur quietly, your hands resting on the sides of dean’s arms as you stood back, your eyes continuing to rake over him for a moment before looking up at his face— and the expression you were met with wasn’t anger, or even frustration from being knocked out.
no.
dean looked almost… sad.
you’d never been exactly ‘close’ with dean. of course you considered him a friend— for years now, but in all honesty, even that was a stretch sometimes, too. because he was a very closed off and mistrusting person.
but hell, you respected that. especially in this line of work. he did talk to you once in a while, though— on those lulls during a hunt or a case, or when he dropped some crazy lore about himself or his childhood, then going right back to his usual behaviors afterwards.
that being said, you knew dean better than he thought you did— because he didn’t have to say much for you to know what he was going through. despite what he thought, his emotions were always kinda just… written on his face.
but now, back to the farmhouse. back to the look dean had on his face right now. it was a look you saw only after he had consumed enough alcohol to kill a baby elephant, which is why it threw you off and made your usual easygoing attitude with him falter.
“dean,” you voice had gotten quieter, even softer, “w—” but before you could say or even do anything else, sam called from the floor below that it was all clear, snapping dean out of it, his expression hardening again.
in the days coming after, you didn’t ask dean to explain himself, or push about what had happened that night. you knew if he wanted to, he’d come to you about it— maybe not right away, but when he was ready.
little did you know how soon that would be.
you’d been living in the bunker for probably only a couple months at this point after the apocalypse world had opened up, and a bunch of hunters were living in the bunker too— but less than a week later after the vamp nest, both sam and dean embarked on solo hunts, sam in maine, dean in nevada. both brothers had warned you not to ‘burn the joint down’.
come on. like you would ever do that— on accident. besides, you had the bunker all to yourself.
which was fun—
for all of five minutes.
now, almost six days after sam and dean had left, you’re sitting in the library, surrounded by a scattered array of books, papers, and weapons alike on the tables in front of you— another late night of research and catching up on lore.
because there was always lore to catch up on.
you’d been lost in the words in front of you when you heard the unmistakable noise of the bunker’s door creaking open. you stiffened slightly, instincts on alert, lifting your gaze from where you were standing— but relaxed and went back to scanning the page when you realized it was just dean.
because here’s the thing: over the years, you’ve realized that it’s not a good idea to talk to dean after he’s fresh off a hunt— and especially knowing that he’s probably just drove almost or even over 24 hours straight to come home?
yeah. no way were you about to be running up to dean as he trudged down the stairs, doting on him. to your knowledge, he hated touching people, especially other people touching him.
besides, usually after a hunt, dean would just go to his room, the infirmary, or immediately hit the showers— and not look once in your direction while he did it, much less talk to you.
it hurt, but you understood that the reason he does it wasn’t exactly anything you were doing wrong— it was just what dean did.
but tonight was different.
dean was on his way to his bedroom (or actually, maybe the infirmary might be better so he could patch himself up)—
but then he saw you.
you were still stood at one of the tables, eyes scanning through books of lore you dug up from the bookshelves, illuminated by the golden lamps lining the wooden tables. god, you were pretty. even though you weren’t looking at him, he didn’t blame you. he wasn’t exactly the most cheerful after a hunt.
especially this one.
and because of that, dean’s feet were moving before he could even think twice about what he was doing.
you’d glanced up from the book you’d been completely engulfed in— and was a little surprised to find dean looking right back at you as he walked up the few steps to the library.
you opened your mouth to say something, but before you could even register what was happening, dean had already made it to you— and without warning, wrapped you in a tight embrace, slamming against you and holding you like you were the only thing that would keep him upright.
your eyes widen slightly at the feeling of dean’s arms around you before you could register the fact that he’d even crossed the threshold of the bunker— a little ‘oof’ sound escapes you completely involuntarily.
“hey,” dean let out a shaky breath against some strands of your hair and shoulder, his voice slightly raspy with…was that relief?
despite how caught off-guard you were, you don’t reject dean’s unexpected hug, though. you let your body adjust to him and your arms wrap around him too, returning the gesture right back. the faint smell of baby’s exhaust, something earthy along with the familiar scent of dean fills your lungs as your fingers ever so slightly grasp onto the back of his jacket, keeping him against you.
the muscles in dean’s shoulders relax the second your arms gently wrap around him. and oh god, he just really missed you—
“hi,” your voice is just as quiet when you greet dean in return, chin resting on his own shoulder. “how did it—”
you’re trying to ask how his hunt went, but before you finish, dean’s pulling you closer to him and squeezing the words from you. his hands slip more around your waist to hold you against him tighter, burying his face into the crook of your shoulder. he just wants to feel you. you’re so warm, so soft— and goddamn, you smelled good, too. you always did. it was a little infuriating, actually.
dean knows he should probably let go, or at least respond, but he can’t find it in himself to let go yet— so instead he just holds onto you tighter. he still doesn’t respond to your unsaid question, simply standing there, holding onto you like a drowning man clinging to a lifeline.
you assumed something had happened on his hunt for dean to be acting this way— but you don’t press or force him to tell you what. you just wanted to be there for him right now.
“oh,” is what you end up softly replying with a little nod of your head against dean when he simply doesn’t answer your unfinished question. but you don’t let him go. hell no. you just pat your hand on the back of one of his shoulders, tightening your own grip on him in return. “sorry, de.”
and dean lets out a slow breath of… was that relief at your voice, at the nickname you’d had for him since the second (or was it third) hunt you’d ever worked on together? who the hell knows. he’s just so thankful you’re here, you’re hugging him, not pushing him away, you’re holding him— that you’re so close.
“no, it’s okay,” dean’s unusually soft voice, barely above a whisper, cuts through the silence.
“it— it was rough, that’s all," he mutters after a even longer while, his words tinged with a mixture of fatigue and… something else that you can't quite place.
you and dean were so close and pressed together with your combined tight grips— so much so that you swore you could almost feel his heartbeat. but it wasn’t uncomfortable. and it didn’t feel awkward. it never seemed to be with him. besides, by his (few) words, you could tell he needed this a lot more than he was letting on.
in all honesty, you were just glad dean was finally letting himself seek comfort for once in his goddamn life—
in you.
“yeah, i get it,” is what you reply with, just nodding against dean’s shoulder while tightening your own grip on him. without really thinking about it, you start to gently run one of your hands up and down his back while still wrapped up in him, palm and fingers trailing on the material of his jacket. “just glad you’re back.”
you can feel dean’s breath hitch at your touch— and for a moment, you hesitate your motions of your hand tracing along his jacket, but his grip on you unconsciously tightened, like he was clinging to you. so you continue doing it after that.
“yeah,” he murmurs, a faint huff of something like a laugh escaping him. “me too.”
and for a long while, dean just stands there wrapped up in you, his face still buried in your hair and part of your shoulder as he lets himself lean into that touch, absorbing its comfort. he grips onto the back of your shirt— and he could feel the tension start to melt away, the warmth mixed with the scent of you filling his senses and working magic on him.
dean stays quiet for several more moments, his face still buried deep in your shoulder, as if he was trying to hide himself from the outside world. his grip on you doesn’t loosen as he stands there, his body against yours. every breath he takes is deep, steady— like he’s grounding himself in this moment with you.
his words break the silence as a whisper against you after a while, the vulnerability clear in his low voice, his words almost like a confession.
“i… missed you.”
a small exhale you didn’t know you were holding releases when dean says that— and your hand falters. dean winchester, king of bottling up feelings and keeping them to himself just said he missed you. this was completely different than how he usually acted around you, but you didn’t mind.
“i missed you, too,” your own voice also quiet when you respond. it was only a few words, but you had understood what dean meant— in more ways than most would. which is why you don’t even attempt to tease him about it, replying with something between a sigh and a laugh at the realization. “like, a lot.”
dean’s grip tightens even further at your response, as if your words had a more profound impact on him than you could've ever imagined. he pulls you closer against him, the hardness of his body against yours should’ve been more uncomfortable, but it wasn’t.
there’s a moment of silence as dean just holds you, face still hidden, his chest rising and falling right against yours. each breath he takes is deeper, almost shaky, and for a moment, you can feel the slightest tremble in his grip.
his voice are soft, vulnerable in a way you’ve rarely seen from him. like he almost didn’t believe you.
“really?”
and you don’t falter your own grip for one second, despite the fact that this was completely out of character for him. you return the action, tightening your arms around dean before resuming running your hand up and down his back.
“yeah, really,” you nod against dean to confirm, letting out a soft exhale into his jacket. “i dunno, it was just… quiet here without you guys. always is.”
your words seem to soothe him— almost as much as your touch, your hug does. despite being strong both physically and mentally, dean seems to need this— and he doesn’t even really know why. he relaxes even more at your words, his body slumping against yours. it’s almost like he’s seeking every bit of comfort and warmth he can get from this— from you.
dean lets out a small, soft scoff, tinged with weary amusement. “yeah, i bet it was,” he murmurs, voice muffled against your . “must’a been like a vacation for you, huh?” there's a note of sarcasm there, like he’s trying to mask the intensity of the moment with something familiar— like he always did.
and you could have played along with dean’s attempt at lightheartedness— but honestly, you were too tired to make that effort right now. so you just shake your head a little against dean, voice much quieter than before.
“first day was nice,” you admit to dean, hands grasping the back of his jacket to keep him close to you before you close your eyes. “the rest were just…”
there’s a beat of silence as you trail off, and dean’s grip on you— if possible, tightens even further at your unfinished sentence, as if he was hanging on your every word, waiting for what you were going to say.
he lets out a small, soft breath, warm against your hair. “just... what?” he asks, his voice just as low as yours. there’s a hint of subtle unease at what you were going to say.
your arms don’t loosen when you feel dean’s grip grow just that much tighter— but you weren’t about to complain. you don’t answer right away, because the rest of your sentence was almost too embarrassing to admit.
but then again, you remind yourself: this was dean who you were talking to. he didn’t judge you for a lot of things you had once assumed he would judge you for. so you just huff out a quiet laugh into his shoulder that wasn’t really one at all— containing no humor and mostly self-deprecation.
“lonely.”
your admission hangs there between you both. it’s a simple word, but it hits dean harder than any blow he’s ever taken in a fight. because you get it. there’s a hitch in his breathing— the kind that gives away more than mere words ever could. he goes still for a moment, just letting your confession sink in, the quiet of the bunker feeling even more pronounced in that moment.
“yeah,” dean finally breaks the silence with a soft exhale against you, pulling you even tighter against him. “me, too.”
you relax a little after dean says that. it meant more than he knew. you weren’t sure how to explain it, but it felt like you and him… kind of supported each other, in a way. like the burdens you both carried separately, your own issues that you had, they seemed to be less overwhelming whenever you were even near each other. even if you and him didn’t actually know each other’s burdens.
there’s always been an understanding between you, a silent knowledge that sometimes words didn’t need to be said for the other to know what that person is thinking.
the atmosphere in the room feels different now, the silence less heavy than it was before, but the intensity and weight of the moment still weighs heavily in the air between you. it must be an interesting sight from the outside looking in— a six-foot hunter clinging onto you like you were the last thing on earth. but you didn’t mind. hell, it was comfortable.
dean’s grip on you remains just as tight— almost like he’s afraid to let go, afraid that you’ll slip away like some dream he only has once in a great while. he takes a deep breath, chest rising against you as he inhales, then exhales slowly. before he’d realized it, his fingers absentmindedly fiddle with a strand of your hair.
this level of closeness between you two was unfamiliar. of course, you’d hugged each other before and spent numerous times in close proximity—whether it be in the backseat of the impala when sam had to drive that one time or when you had to hide in a not-so-big broom closet from a wraith.
but this... this was different.
and you knew the uncomfortableness of seeking comfort better than most— but somehow, you never had an issue when you were the one who was comforting others. but still, this was new territory. you certainly hadn’t expected dean to hug you for this long tonight. truth was, you didn’t really didn’t want to let go. but you couldn’t say that to him. that would be too weird.
the library is silent, only the soft tick-tock of the old clock on the wall filling the air. there’s a vulnerability, an understanding greater than words in this moment that neither of you are used to— but strangely enough, it's also the most comfortable you’ve both felt in a long time.
and then, dean breaks the silence again— his voice so low, so quiet, that you almost miss it.
“don’t wanna let go.”
your gaze softens when dean says that— but you don’t loosen your grip on him. you weren’t sure exactly why he was so adamant on not letting go, or why he’d been hugging you like you’d almost died. but you don’t ask questions.
besides, dean’s been more vulnerable with you tonight than i’d ever seen or heard in all the years you’d known him. and when he admitted that? you knew you had to be there for him, in whatever way he wanted. so when you reply back, your words are just as quiet as his.
“well, you don’t have to.”
the words feel like a weight being lifted off dean’s shoulders. he clings to you even tighter, burying his face even deeper into your shoulder, like he was ashamed. he doesn’t say anything for a moment— instead, just taking deep breaths. because he’s struggling to keep his emotions intact.
finally, he mumbles into you again, his words muffled by your shirt.
“you promise?”
“yeah,” you echo back quietly, nodding your head against dean’s buried into you. “promise. we can stay like this as long as you want to.”
there’s no malice hidden in your words, or any hint of teasing— because it was nothing but the truth. you’d stay with dean for as long as he wanted you to. and you bury your face a little more into him when he does the same to your shoulder.
there’s another long moment of silence as dean holds onto you, his face still buried in your shoulder. normally, he’d be making some smartass comment by now, acting like his usual self— but he can't seem to find the words. or the energy.
dean huffs softly against your shoulder after a moment— the closest thing to one of his usual snarky remarks. but there’s a hint of hesitation in his voice when he speaks.
“what if i wanted to… all night?”
you’d half been expecting dean to brush off your words with a joke or at least something, but the tone of hesitation told you that he was being anything but that. you hesitate, but ultimately lift your head off of his shoulder— you don’t pull away fully, though.
and dean’s body visibly tenses when you pause and pull away slightly to look at him, and he’s almost immediately on the defensive— but relaxes a little when you don’t go far.
your gaze silently searches dean’s as you scrunch your eyebrows slightly. you knew that what he’d just asked you for was… different. and you didn’t have to ask him for clarification. you knew what he meant, why he was so hesitant. because this wasn’t going to be just hugging him anymore.
this would be all night.
and there’s a vulnerable look in his eyes when he lets his guard down just enough as you let your gaze linger on him. dean almost looks like a wounded dog right now, the exhaustion, the weariness making him drop his typical persona in favor of honesty— maybe even desperation, just this once.
from that look on dean’s face, he was not kidding about what he asked. the expression he had was one you hadn’t seen this intensely in a long time. you knew he wasn’t one to just ask something like this, either. not unless he needed it.
the thought of being so close to dean all night makes you a little nervous, but not as much to outright say no. so keeping his gaze, your voice is just as quiet as his was when you nod, breaking the silence of the library once again.
“then i’d say ‘get your pj’s on’.”
the way dean’s body relaxes in relief at your words is almost overwhelming. he’s still staring right into your eyes, the vulnerability almost raw. he manages to nod, searching your gaze. he’d been expecting a boatload of teasing with a side of humiliation— but he’d been proved wrong.
“yeah?” he almost whispers as he holds your gaze, eyes searching yours like he’s trying to read your mind. like he’s unable to determine if this is real. if you’re real.
“yeah,” you nod in return, a pang of warmth hitting you again as you look at dean right back. you’re both still standing so close together— and the air felt different, thicker when you take another breath. “s’long as you don’t kick me.”
dean appreciated the break in seriousness, more than you would ever know. something resembling a smile tugs on the corner of his mouth, and he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“no promises,” he murmurs back, something softer in his gaze as his eyes continue to rake over your face. “but i’ll try.”
“good,” you nod a little again, your own smile tugging on your face as your hands almost absentmindedly trail on dean’s arms— and his eyes literally almost flutter shut at the contact. “and you’re comin’ to my room. and you’re showering.”
dean raises an eyebrow and tries to ignore the warmth that stirred in his chest when you said that all authoritative-like— he swallows before he talks again.
“yes, ma’am.”
. • . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . 𖤐
dean knocked on your door before he entered your room not twenty minutes later— don’t ask him, but he showered faster than he ever did in his entire life. he wasn’t too keen on the why.
your head perked up from your pillows when you heard the knock, already under your blankets and— well, let’s be honest here: waiting for him you’d even already moved to the left side of your bed, so dean would have a spot.
a stupid, small part of you had doubts that dean would actually ultimately show up, but it was a little embarrassing how much relief you felt when you call out a soft “yeah”, signaling him to come in.
dean stepped into your room, the only light being from your barley-lit desk lamp. it doubled as a night light, so you didn’t trip over yourself after a midnight snack break.
dean might as well have been in heaven. or something pretty damn close.
of course, he’s been in your room before— but this felt much different than all the other times. because he was going to be sleeping here tonight.
everything felt heightened, more intense— but as dean shut your door, he also had an almost overwhelming sense of comfort. of home. like this is where he was supposed to be this entire time. he pushed those recurring thoughts and feelings he always felt when he was around you, but without first reminding himself that you had agreed to do this. the thought alone was almost enough to make dean’s heart do that thing it always did whenever he was around you.
he’d been lost in his own thoughts, barely even registering the fact that he’d made it to the edge of your bed. your bed. not his, not some old, dingy motel’s. it almost made him chicken out. until—
“as much as i’d like to see you stand there all night, i think you should probably lay down.”
there it was. your incomparable capability to snap dean out of his head, back to reality. he didn’t know how you did it— and to be honest, you didn’t really know, either. but you always could, even giving sam a run for his money.
dean doesn’t hesitate again. you’d already peeled back your covers for him, so he just lifted them up and got under them. like he belonged. as if he’d done so a million times before.
your bed, your sheets, your pillows— it was warm. and it smelled like you, tenfold. an equal blend of your fabric softener that only you used because dean said the teddy bear on the bottle looked at him weird and your shampoo that was way too expensive and you had to go to a separate store for.
dean knew you smelled good, that was no debate— but this was like he was wrapped in it. like he’d been earlier when he hugged you. and so close to how he’d always wanted to be wrapped up in you. yet he knew that wasn’t going to happen tonight.
besides, when was the last time dean winchester got what he wanted?
the answer?
right now.
your eyes hadn’t left dean’s figure when he finally lays down next to you, both now facing each other— it was strange actually seeing him in your bed after years of restless nights wishing he was.
and you could smell him, too— the faint scent of the soap you’d gotten him for his birthday, along with the tea tree shampoo sam kept hidden in the back medicine cabinet (but not well enough, apparently). you decided right then and there that the pillow dean’s head was currently resting on was the one you were going to sleep on after tonight, just so you could smell him after he was gone.
“how you wanna do this?”
dean’s uncharacteristically soft voice broke your thoughts, and you met his eyes when he spoke. his expression looked softer, too— almost hesitant. like he was uncertain. it was a look you rarely ever saw on his face. to see it now, in this way, was bittersweet. then it clicked.
he was nervous.
“however you want to,” is what you reply with, voice just as quiet as his. you reminded yourself that dean had asked for this. in your mind, it was only fair that he get a say. “whatever you need.”
whatever you need. well, dean needed to kiss you silly if it was the last thing he did, but not tonight. not here. he wouldn’t be able to take it if you rejected him in that way.
but he had to take some sort of risk right now. he couldn’t deny himself of it— of you any longer.
so before dean can talk himself out of it, he wraps an arm around you, closing the remaining distance— and to your surprise, he buries his head right into your chest, nuzzling against your shirt.
your breath hitches, and you hope to god that he didn’t hear that. but you don’t reject him. you just wrap your own arms around him, accepting him and his touch just as you had done earlier in the library.
dean would’ve made some joke about basically burrowing his face into your boobs. he didn’t really mean to— but his eyes had fluttered shut already, because you letting him, and you were warm, and you smelled good, and you were so soft.
he’d always loved that about you. from a distance, of course. it didn’t matter how many hardships you’d gone through; you were soft in every sense of the word, both physically and emotionally. and once when he’d taken a shower in your bathroom since sam was hogging the main one in the bunker, the whole damn place smelled like you. he found himself wanting to drown in it.
and hell. he wouldn’t even complain.
your free hand went into his hair at some point, and it took everything in him not to let out a noise. dean sighed a little into your shirt, his breath warm on your chest— he finally let himself relax. go slack.
and he was so grateful that you didn’t tease him, or point out the fact that all six feet and one inch of him was in your grasp and snuggling into you like some damn koala. like a little kid who had a bad dream. but then again, his life felt like a never-ending bad dream most of the time.
you were his one exception to that.
not that he’d ever admit it out loud.
you weren’t sure how long you both stayed like that, wrapped up in each other before dean breaks the warm blanket of silence— it could’ve been hours or seconds. but his voice is so low, so soft, you almost didn’t hear it.
“thanks.”
the word was spoken against you, dean still remaining unmoving. he didn’t necessarily think himself as weak at the moment, even though he thought he should— and he dared not to say it out loud, knowing that you’d immediately shoot his insecurities down.
but dean was finally letting himself get comfort. warmth.
something he’d had for a fleeting moment, then lost. something he had deemed too precious for a man as ragged and as sinful as him a long time ago. he didn’t deserve this. you.
he’d never be one to just take something like this, to ask this of you, without any regard for how you felt. but you showed— all you ever showed to him was the love he thought he’d never receive. the love he’d given so much away, but it never got returned back to him.
because you made him feel like he actually meant something. like he was the hero people he’d saved described him as. like he wasn’t some piece on a chessboard, a punchline in someone’s story, a puppet on a string, or a cog in some eternal machine.
truth was? the big secret?
you made him feel normal. human.
it was almost overwhelming, how safe, comfortable he felt right now. the last time he felt this safe, he’d been a child. the last time he felt this comfortable in himself— damn. it was before hell.
when it was just monsters of the week, the only big goal being finding his dad. staying at bobby’s. you had visited that summer. he can still remember your laugh echoing off of the wallpaper and the piles of books. it was before demons.
and the only angel he saw daily was you.
it was in the way the light shone in through the stained glass of one of bobby’s kitchen windows and hit your face, you making him coffee without being asked. when you smiled at him just because.
you treated him like a real friend. like family. like an equal.
sometimes, when everything in his head was too loud, dean missed it. when the only thought of lucifer he had was when he saw the cartoon on the bottle of the devil’s hot sauce at that barbeque place in texas. when everyone he loved and cared about was still alive. when the world wasn’t ending. when you kissed his cheek after not seeing him for a while.
you still did that last one, though.
“anytime, de.”
dean had flinched a little, but didn’t open his eyes after you replied—he had been too lost in the comfort. in you. he could die right now instead of sleeping, and honestly? it’d be a good way to go out. he’d prefer it over going down swinging any day, he decided.
dean got most of what he wanted tonight. maybe someday he’d get it all. but for now, he’d just dream of it, like he always did.
the only difference?
he was actually in your arms this time.
───────────────────────── 𖤐
you have one ( 1 ) more new message from the author ! ↓
i know i said it already, but i need to hold this man so so so BADDDDD 💔💔💔 he deserves everything and more like that’s my shayla ☹️ my baby my world my everything (he’s a murderer and monsters fear him)
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#faith’s works . . . @bejeweledinterludes!#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#dean winchester headcanon#dean winchester fanfiction#dean supernatural#dean x you#dean x reader#dean winchester one shot#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x reader
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return to sender simon making reader sit on his face despite her lack of experience and fear she'll suffocate him
this one got a little lengthy I fear...
cw: oral (f), face sitting, mdni below the cut
“you sure?”
you’re perched on top of him, straddling his chest as his hands wander along the expansive of your thighs
“i mean—are you seriously sure?”
the overhead light is off, the bedroom dim, lit only by the amber glow of the bedside lamp . simon blinks up at you like you’ve asked him something utterly ridiculous.
“am i sure?” he repeats. sis voice is low and amused, rough at the edges like gravel and thunder. “sweetheart, m’fuckin’ starvin’.”
you let out a nervous little laugh, trying to brush off the fluttering panic in your belly. “i just… i don’t know what im doing, babe.”
his brow furrows—not in frustration, but something gentler. he sits up just enough to brace one arm behind him, the other reaching for you, hand warm on your hip. “y’don’t have to do a thing,” he murmurs. “let me take care of it.”
“i’m not trying to chicken out, i swear—”
“i know, love,” he cuts in. not unkindly. his voice softens, lips brushing your knee as you softly shift. “you’re overthinkin’ again.”
you drop your gaze, fingers fidgeting in the hem of your sleep shirt. “i just… what if i hurt you? i mean—you’re big, si, but i don’t wanna suffocate you or something.”
he blinks, and then—laughs. a deep, hearty sound from his chest that makes your whole face heat up.
“if i die,” he says between chuckles, gripping your waist to draw you closer, “that’s the way i wanna go.”
“simon.”
“‘s true, girl. buried ‘tween these thighs?” he sighs, mock-dreamy, and presses a kiss to the inside of your leg. “hell of a way to go out.”
he’s being sweet, trying to lighten you up—but you’re still hovering there on your knees, skin hot, breath shaky. you know what he’s offering, and you want it, want him, but the vulnerability of it all feels damning.
he sees it. reads you like a map he’s memorized front to back (he has).
“hey.” his voice dips, quieter now, lower. “y’trust me baby?”
you look into those eyes—dark, steady, safe. and you nod.
“then come here, love.” he lies back again, mouth tilted in the smallest, cockiest smile. “sit that pretty cunt on my face like a good girl, yeah?”
your breath catches.
he doesn’t grab. doesn’t yank you down. he waits—patient, confident. like he knows you’ll do it. because he knows you want to. that all your hesitation is just nerves, not refusal.
you ease up toward his shoulders on shaky legs, and his big, calloused hands scrape up your thighs, then under your shirt—palms searing and slow as they spread over your hips and waist.
“c’mon, sweets,” he murmurs, voice like a dark promise. “right here. let me have you.”
you settle just above his mouth, barely letting your weight rest on him, and he growls.
“uh-uh. full weight, y’hear me?” one hand leaves your hip to land a sharp smack to your ass. “sit.”
—as if you’re a dog.
you gasp, lowering until you feel the heat of his mouth on you. his tongue—god. long, wide, confident—sweeps up your folds with a guttural sound like he’s been waiting for this since he first ate you out on your dresser months ago.
it’s overwhelming. wet and messy and so fucking good you forget your own name.
you try to lift off, try to relieve some pressure, but his grip tightens.
“nah” he grunts against you, the vibration making you tremble. “stay down. y’not goin’ anywhere.”
he eats you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. like you’re dinner, dessert, salvation. tongue fucking into your weeping hole, nose brushing your clit, hands bruising on your hips. you’re moaning, writhing like a pornstar as your thighs tremble, but he just keeps going, like a man possessed. like he needs it more than air.
“si—,” you gasp, overwhelmed. “si, baby, i—i can’t—”
“yes, you can,” he growls, finally pulling back just enough to speak clearly, chin glistening, eyes wild. “y’ gonna sit pretty and come for me , pup. c’mon, love. come in m’mouth.”
he doesn’t give you time to argue. mouth back on you, rougher now, greedy, tongue circling your clit until your hips stutter and grind and shake—until you're crying out and your whole body goes tight and hot and shattering.
and even then—even then—he doesn’t stop. licks you through it, holds you steady as you fall apart above him, as you drip and leak into his mouth, savoring the sweet, tangy taste of you.
when you finally slump forward, completely spent, he coaxes you off with care—arms wrapping around you as you collapse alongside him. he shifts, flips you onto your back so he’s the one holding you, protective and proud, one hand stroking your hair.
you’re panting. blinking up at the ceiling, dazed and fucked-out and utterly wrecked.
he kisses your temple. his voice is quiet. smug.
“still worried about killing me, sweets?”
#♱ angel’s writing#𓄧 angel’s asks#˖ . ݁𝜗 { ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇɴᴅᴇʀ } 𝜚. ݁₊#˖ . ݁𝜗 { 𝑰𝑵 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑴𝑷𝑻 } 𝜚. ݁₊#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost call of duty#simon riley imagine
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𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐔𝐓:
♡ Aimée likes to present herself as an 'it' girl at school. She is a known exhibitionist in town, and is rumored that she gets around.
♡ Kleptomaniac. Pickpockets people during work hours and even during encounters. It gives her a little extra cash but she does have multiple jobs. Prefers stealing things rather than actually paying for them. Has been caught before but usually with a little bit of 'persuasion', she's able to get away scot-free.
♡ A sweet talker. (turns out paying attention in English class does have its benefits) She oftentimes tries to get out of a situation by finessing people. Her mouth is probably her best asset, in more ways than one :)
♡ While Aimée doesn't outwardly harass others, she enjoys teasing and messing with them. Silver-tongued, playful and witty, she finds that she enjoys pushing peoples' buttons, and seeing how they react after a measly few words is always a fun time. And if they fall for her somehow, then that's a major plus, breaking hearts is her favorite past time ♡
♡ In private, she is actually meeker than how she shows herself to be. However, she finds comfort in this persona she's created. Everyone knows that you're easy prey if you act shy and show any vulnerability, so she's learned the hard way to always take the first bite.
♡ By being promiscuous herself, it gives her a sense of autonomy in a way. In her mind, if she objectifies herself first, then she's taking away that decision people have over her body.
♡ Her arousal is kept high at all times so she can avoid overthinking, its a way to cope from everything. Sex is a great distraction. It makes her feel good, and all she needs to do is just focus on the what was happening during the moment, and on giving the person she's with pleasure that she's very happy to provide.
♡ Can't find herself to commit to anyone due to her fear of opening herself up to others. Sex is easy. To her, it's simple. And it's something she knows she's good at. Meanwhile, feelings and emotions are messy. It complicates a lot of things. But she can't help but get attached to some people. Whenever she realizes that she's getting too close, she distances herself and quickly moves on to a new person, minimizing the chances of any feelings developing further.
♡ This is where her reputation as a heartbreaker comes from. It's not actually something she actively likes doing, but it's a way for her to get even for what they had done to her.
♡ But no matter how many times she tries to convince herself, deep down, she knows this isn't how she wants to be. She does want to make genuine connection with someone. And despite being surrounded by (mostly unwanted) attention, there's still this lingering sense of loneliness that, no matter what she does, she can't seem to get rid of.
#srry i dont write i hope its not super cringe LMFAO#it was supposed to be Aimée the player for the double meaning (PC - player character + player as in playing with peoples hearts)#but heartbreaker is soooo much cuter sorryyyy#the name Aimée means beloved :333 beloved by all and yet she is unable to love anyone else back :3333333#also btw personal fav on that playlist is senior party by renzo#degrees of lewdity#aimee the heartbreaker#whitney the bully#robin the orphan#sydney the fallen#kylar the loner#DUDE.ACTUALLY FUCK THIS SHIT. I AM SO DONE I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN THIS IT THIS IS THE MOST EFFORT IM PUTTING TO A.POST#CAN ANYONE ACTUALLY FUCKING KILL ME.OR SMTHN. RENDERING BACK TO BACK TO BACK WITH CHARAVTERS INTERACTING I AM I AM NEVER.AGAIN MY GOD#GOODBYE. I WILL GO KMS OR SMTHN#ALSO I DID NOT ACCIDENTALLY POST THIS YESTERDAY U WERE HALLUCINATING.
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