#but despite the fear of vulnerability

[fioleespring]

[yououghtaknow]

WHO ELSE UP TRYING TO FORGIVE THEMSELVES FOR LIVING IN THE DARK, FOR THEIR LOSS OF WONDER, FOR FORGETTING HOW TO PLAY, FOR BEING ABSENT IN PUBLIC AND BORED BEFORE STARS, FOR NOT REMEMBERING, FOR NOT BEING IN THEIR BODY, FOR NOT STARTING RIGHT NOW???? WHO ELSE UP TRYING TO SEE THEMSELVES AS THEY ARE?????????????

[loveoaths]

went to the dentist yesterday for a simple cleaning. staff was masked (surgical masks, so not very masked, but it was something) but i noticed my hygienist sounded kind of congested/was leaving the room to cough halfway into my cleaning. woke up today feeling like shit + full of weird vibrating sensations like i was the first time i had covid three years — which i have successfully dodged for three! years! — and if that office gave my immunocompromised ass covid i am going to be LIVID.

[me-you-and-my-medication]

I think I have avpd. I just relate a lot to the symptoms I've found and listening to people talk about it I resonate with too

[fellsilver]

My annoyance at Mys.tra referring to the creation of the Seven as a "misstep" aside, it is interesting that she identifies their kinship as the problem. She specifies that her new Chosen should be different from the Seven and each other. I think paranoia is definitely a factor in her reasoning. Cyric killing her in her own home and then spending over a century shattered rattled her to say the least. We know she starts keeping all sorts of secrets from her Chosen after she's reborn, and she commands them to keep all sorts of secrets from each other. We also know El, Storm, and Lael think their goddess is misguided in these changes and are trying to council her away from them. Good luck; paranoia's tough in mortals, let alone gods.

But, we also know Mys.tra took precautions with her daughters centuries before this. On some level, she's always feared their power. She took steps to split them up as children and ensure conflict with their foster families. She's continued to take precautions throughout their long lives to curb them. She doesn't want anyone to use them as weapons, and she doesn't want they themselves to overreach.

Arguably the number one way she's restrained them — and this is her primary tactic with all her Chosen and anyone else worth her notice — is through their relationships. Their bonds to their homes, their friends, their loves and children, each other. The previous generation of Chosen, at least the ones that stood the test of time, were all extremely close to each other. They had bonds of family, mentorship, romance, friendship — these complex literally ancient dynamics built on experiences no one else shares or understands.

Mys.tra encouraged and sanctioned these relationships. They were a source of strength and comfort for the Chosen. One of the great hurdles Mys.tra faced re: Chosen was finding people who could stand the test of time. It is an astronomical burden. The previous' batch's bonds with one another have kept them alive through it all. And, that's probably exactly what scares her now. They are incredibly powerful, capable people on their own. United? They could make the heavens heel. The Seven and El in particular know so much about her, about Azuth, about the workings of the damn universe — and they have been operating with little to no oversight for over a thousand years collectively. If I was in her position, nursing that understandable paranoia, knowing that no precautions will ever be enough to save me . . . yeah the Seven and their kinship would start to scare me, too.

[puppy-phum]

ooohhh dangerous romance about to make me act Insane. silly even

[consulaaris]

as your soul may dance with mine 

FFXIV. zori aviriq (WoL) / thancred waters. set in ARR patches. ~1k words.

cw: alcohol

. 

Zori’s not entirely certain why she agreed to this.

She’s never been one for crowds— even less so now that people are beginning to know her face— and the little bar above the Rising Stones is practically bustling with people at this time of night. Given half a chance she’d be high on the stone walkways that loom above the city with a mug of spiced wine, more prone to watching the comings and goings than being a part of them herself. 

But instead she’s here, and Zori has to admit it’s probably because Thancred was the one asking her.

The table they’ve claimed is tucked into a corner, booth-styled with cracked leather seats. Zori props up her head on her hand, the perfect picture of indolence were it not for her roaming eyes and twitching tail. It’s a lively time of night, the candles flickering and casting a warm glow over the place. She should enjoy it, she knows; she seldom gets time to relax lately, but Zori is merely… tired. 

Then again, she’s always tired these days. Exhaustion is a deep ache that tugs at her bones, dragging down her every step. It feels like the second she’s solved one problem another rears its head, and she’s barely had time to process everything that’s happened these last few months. But Zori is the Warrior of Light, and the luxury of introspection isn’t exactly in supply as of late.

Absently, Zori examines the rings on her free hand, before her gaze is drawn where Thancred is waiting on their drinks. He’s in his element here as much as she’s out of hers, leaning against the bar and chatting to the barmaid and several other customers nearby. She sees him toss back his head in laughter, and two of the Hyur women sitting at the counter flutter their lashes in his direction. 

A thrum of something like jealousy burns through Zori at the realization, and she purses her lips— nails digging ever so slightly into the wood of the table. 

As if reading her mind, Thancred flashes her a little smile and wave from across the room, just as the barmaid returns to him with their mugs. 

“They seemed interested,” she drawls as he walks back to their little table, nodding in thanks as places one of the drinks in front of her. 

Thancred merely winks, sliding into the seat next to her. “I’m afraid they can’t hold a candle when I have the loveliest one waiting on me already.” 

“Flatterer.” Even rolling her eyes, it comes out fonder than she’d intended. 

Zori pretends to ignore his laughter to preserve her pride, taking a sip of the ale. 

It’s true though, in a way. As the hours pass Thancred’s eyes don’t once stray to another, and Zori can’t deny the smallest bit of satisfaction she feels at the fact.

She can see the way his mask slips as the night goes on, though; sees a weariness in him in the way his shoulders slump when he thinks she’s not looking. Dark circles under his hazel eyes are worse than they’d been even just a week ago, and worry clenches at Zori’s stomach. But she knows better than to say anything. Zori still remembers the last time she’d asked Thancred how he was doing— and his reply of “Never better.” with a smile so hollow she could feel it. They’d both known it was a lie. 

Not that she can judge. 

But neither of them can bring themselves to talk about what’s happened, even when drink after drink has loosened their tongues. They sag against each other; she doesn’t really know who’s supporting who. Thancred is safe in a way she can’t quite put into words, in a way she wants to cling to with every fiber of her being. There’s a comfort, a warmth in the contact, and Zori’s breath catches in her throat when he wraps an arm around her shoulder. 

“Thank you.”

Thancred’s voice cracks ever-so-slightly, and she doesn’t really know what he’s thanking her for. She’s not sure he does, either. But Zori covers his hand on her arm with one of her own, and before she can think better of it plants a brief kiss on his cheek. Thancred inhales sharply, but pulls her closer as she leans her head on his shoulder.

She wonders if he can feel how fast her heart is racing.

Zori’s soul whispers and aches, drawn to him like a moth to flame. There’s a truth that lurks at the tip of her tongue, and it’s one she can’t bring herself to deny.  

I am in love with you, and I dare not say it. 

Part of her is afraid that speaking it aloud will make it real in a way she’s not prepared to handle, though she suspects Thancred already knows it. But it’s one day at a time. They’re still healing, putting the pieces back together— bloodied edges still raw from Lahabrea's wounds. Maybe eventually they can break down their unspoken wall and address this thing that drifts between them, as strange and lovely as it is terrifying. 

For now they’re here together, and that’s enough. 

But when music begins to drift out from the corner of the bar, Zori looks up curiously— noting the drums and upbeat sounds of a stringed instrument she doesn’t quite recognize, beneath the hum and laughter of the other patrons. It’s not a song she finds familiar, but already people are swaying to the lively melody, and Zori finds herself tapping her foot to the beat as well. 

To her surprise Thancred stands up then, and reaches towards her with a crooked grin and hand outstretched.

“May I have this dance?” 

Zori doesn’t bother to hide the smile twitching on her lips. 

“Do you even have to ask?” 

There’s a genuine spark back in Thancred’s eyes as she takes his hand in reply. They whirl around each other until their feet are sore and then some, dizzy and laughing from a bit too much ale and the thrill of it all. Lively dances, learning the steps as they go and improvising as they please— Thancred’s cheeks are as flushed as Zori knows her own must be, but she relishes in the fierce joy and freedom of the movement and her hands in his. We’re alive, alive, her heart sings, and maybe in the moment that’s the only thing that really matters. 

[appri-dot]

Me retrospectively telling guac why Bee x Deckard in the og series was so much more beautiful of a love then Netflix produced Bee x Crispin ever could be

[bongsavior]

it's too late for me. i tried and i tried but i'm in love with you and it only grows day by day. even the bad days

[daydreamerdrew]

Iron Man (1968) #62

[phantom-does-a-thing]

I love my werewolf Chip AU it’s so silly. He’s just this massive dog sometimes. He likes head scratches and melts when someone pets him.

[seoafin]

just wanted to say thank you for blessing us with "nail in the coffin" i want to wrap that fic up in a warm blanket and put it in my pocket forever it literally broke my heart and mended it all at the same time ;-; i will always always adore how you write gojo but the way you write suguru.....is Just Something to me idk <3 his first kiss w/ mc in rip 2 my youth altered the chemistry of my brain honestly….also the fact the the 🇵🇭 got mentioned in nitc had me like: https://i.imgflip.com/4spbxp.gif 🫡

ahhhhhh you're more than welcome <3 im not going to lie. i saw those panels of a shirtless kenjaku and straight up thought i was going to die. like im sorry i know he was abusing women (yuki you're still my number one) but i was so distracted i just couldn't pay attention to anything else

i lived in a SEA country for a couple of years when i was younger so i loveeeeee filipino desserts!!!! like nanami wanted to retire in malaysia so i just feel like gojo and philippines would vibe

[disgustedorite]

I. Don't know how it didn't hit me until just now that Dante was my first love.

[luna-azzurra]

List of 40 character flaws

Stubbornness, Unyielding in one's own views, even when wrong.

Impatience, Difficulty waiting for long-term results.

Self-doubt, Constant uncertainty despite evident abilities.

Quick temper, Excessive reactions to provocations.

Selfishness, Prioritizing one's own needs over others'.

Arrogance, Overestimating one's own abilities.

Trust issues, Difficulty trusting others.

Perfectionism, Setting unreachable high standards.

Fear of change, Avoiding changes.

Haunted by the past, Old mistakes or traumas influencing the present.

Jealousy, Envious of others' successes.

Laziness, Hesitant to exert effort.

Vindictiveness, Strong desire for revenge.

Prejudice, Unfair biases against others.

Shyness, Excessive timidity.

Indecisiveness, Difficulty making decisions.

Vulnerability, Overly sensitive to criticism.

Greed, Strong desire for more (money, power, etc.).

Dishonesty, Tendency to distort the truth.

Recklessness, Ignoring the consequences of one's actions.

Cynicism, Negative attitude and distrust.

Cowardice, Lack of courage in critical moments.

Hotheadedness, Quick, often thoughtless reactions.

Contentiousness, Tendency to provoke conflicts.

Forgetfulness, Difficulty remembering important details.

Kleptomania, Compulsion to steal things.

Hypochondria, Excessive concern about one's health.

Pessimism, Expecting the worst in every situation.

Narcissism, Excessive self-love.

Control freak, Inability to let go or trust others.

Tactlessness, Inability to address sensitive topics sensitively.

Hopelessness, Feeling that nothing will get better.

Dogmatism, Rigidity in one's own beliefs.

Unreliability, Inability to keep promises.

Closed-offness, Difficulty expressing emotions.

Impulsiveness, Acting without thinking.

Wounded pride, Overly sensitive to criticism of oneself.

Isolation, Tendency to withdraw from others.

[dragonfyre-creations]

I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

[nunyabznsbabes]

Katniss is like Lucy Gray this, Katniss is like Sejanus that, and yes fine that's all good and true and lovely but Katniss Everdeen is also a direct parallel to Coriolanus Snow and people NEED to start talking about this because it's driving me crazy.

Think about it: they both grew up poor and deeply vulnerable, losing parents at a very young age, with a matriarchal adult (Katniss' mother and Coriolanus' Grandma'am) who fails to provide for them emotionally and physically. They intimately understand the threat of starvation, even developing with stunted growth because of it, and their narrations in the books share a fixation on food. Throughout their childhoods, both experienced constant fear and suffered a fundamental lack of control over their circumstances. Because of this, they're inherently suspicious of the people around them. They resent feeling indebted to others, especially those who have saved their lives. They're motivated almost entirely by family and deeply connected to their communities. Both are used and manipulated by the Capitol, both are forced to perform to survive and despise every inch of it, both are thrown into the Arena and made to kill. Both have a self-sacrificial, genuinely sweet sister figure acting as their conscience. Peeta and Lucy Gray - performers and love interests with a fundamental kindness and sense of hope about them - fulfill markedly similar roles in their narrative. Both contribute to the development of the future Hunger Games, Snow throughout tbosas and Katniss towards the end of Mockingjay.

It's easy to ignore these similarities because, as mirrors of each other, they are exact opposites. Katniss is from District 12, viewed and treated as less than human; Snow is the cream of the Capitol crop, given the privilege of a name with social weight, an ancestral home, and the opportunity of the Academy despite having no more money than a miner from 12. Katniss has no agency over her life, and responds by being kind whenever she's able, while Snow justifies horrendous evils in order to continue his quest for complete control. Katniss does everything she can to protect her family; Snow does everything he can to protect his family's image as an extension of his own ego. Katniss loves her District and connects with its inhabitants on a meaningful level, but Snow is indifferent at best to his peers - the apparent "superior people" - and only engages with his community for personal gain. Katniss emerges from the Arena horrified at herself and the system, but Snow takes his trauma and turns it into an excuse to perpetuate the violence with himself at the top. Katniss cares for Prim until her death and then snaps at the loss of her little sister, while Snow survives on Tigris' blood, sweat, and tears and then torments and abandons her, presumably because she calls him out on his insanity. Snow actively adds to and popularizes the Hunger Games because of his vendetta against the Districts following his childhood wartime trauma - Katniss briefly agrees to a new Hunger Games in the pursuit of vengeance, but later stops them from happening by killing Coin and choosing a life of peace and privacy. Snow is obsessed with revenge, but Katniss empathizes with the Capitolites and does what she can to keep them from suffering. He exists in a cruel system and selfishly upholds it; she exists in a cruel system and works to dismantle it for the good of her family and community, at great personal cost. And Peeta and Lucy Gray are incredibly similar, but Katniss and Peeta forge a relationship of genuine love and understanding that shines in comparison to Coriolanus' obsessive projection onto Lucy Gray.

So, yeah, Katniss is Lucy Gray haunting Coriolanus. But I bet you anything that eighty-something year old President Snow looks at her, the girl on fire, bright and young and brilliant, emerging from a childhood of starvation with a relentless hunger for success, a talented and charming performer helping her win the Games, and he sees the ghost of his own past. And that's why he's so afraid of her! Because if he sees himself in her, then he's up against his own cunning, his own talent for manipulation, his own charisma, his own genius. He's up against the version of himself that he once wished to be, with the nightmare army of his childhood at her back and her star-crossed lover at her side, spewing Sejanus' truths in his own voice. This isn't to say that Katniss ever achieved the level of power and agency that Coriolanus did during her time with the rebellion, but it is to say that Snow was taken down by what truly terrified him - his own morality, come to finish the job.