#but deeply excited for a fresh start i think it’s gonna be very exciting

[bright-and-burning]

jo: thoughts on emma hayes leaving alex morgan off the olympics roster?

me, who just found out from her text:

[livesworthlivingau]

Lives Worth Living Chapter 8

Spoilers for ISAT, CW for mentions/wounds of self harm

"A hot springs?"

"Yes! There's one on the way to the next town! We can set up camp there tonight!" (Mirabelle beams with excitement.)

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. We could sure use a bit of relaxation now that our grand quest is over."

"Yeah! That sounds like a great idea! What do you think Sif?" (Isa suddenly looks to you. Despite how long it's been for you, you still always freeze up a little when asked to make a decision.)

"Uhhh… Y-Yeah that sounds nice!" (You stammer out. It did sound nice on paper, but there's something nagging you at the back of your mind… Your arms start to itch, scratching at them nervously.)

"Splendid then. We'll stop by the market to get everything we need, then onto the springs."

----------------------------------------------------- (You grumbled some to yourself on the road, just itching away at your arms now and then. They were almost burning now... why are they so blinding ITCHY?! You can't take it anymore, you start to pull at your sleeve, stopping in your tracks as you see them... The still somewhat fresh wounds you carved into your arms during your 'episode'... That's why you had that sinking feeling, this is when they learned about it...) "Siffrin? Are you okay?" (Mirabelle asked, approaching from behind as you quickly covered your arm back up, holding yourself close under your cloak.) "Y-Yeah! Just... uhh... thinking about the loops again..." (You mumbled some, hoping that was enough so she wouldn't pry too deeply. She just gives her usual bright, comforting smile.) "We're ready to hear whenever you want to talk about it, okay Siffrin?" (You nod, your face making it rather clear that now was not that time. She nods back before returning to the rest of the group. You're left alone with your thoughts again... and that awful sinking feeling of the night to come... You've done this before, you can do it again, you're... you're better now... right?...) ------------------------------------------------------- (Everyone was already getting into their swimming attire, the bubbling springs scattered about the area looking so enticing. The steam dances off them through the cool night air. The minerals twinkle and dance with the movement. Everything about it was so relaxing... and the sense of terror in you only grew with each moment... Your heart was ready to pound out of your chest, static rang in your ears, your breath rush out as quickly as it entered. Why is this so hard... Why can't you do this... Maybe you could loop back?! Y-Yeah just go back and pick a different route this time! You'll never have to be here, they'll never have to see, they-) (You suddenly jump as a large hand lands on your shoulder. You look absolutely crazed and manic, looking up at Isa suddenly, who was in turn looking down at you very worriedly.) "S-Sif?..." (He stared in shock. You're losing it! Just stop, breath, ground yourself... You close your eye take a few deep breaths, just doing your best to focus on that and nothing else. You slowly open your eye again once you've settled. Isa looks relieved... You're still worried, but having him beside you is helping.) "Isa... I... There's something... uhm..." (You mumble out, unable to find the words. He just stands there, waiting patiently, letting you take all the time you need... You didn't deserve him sometimes...) "... I did something... o-on that last day... a-and..." (You begin, placing your hand over your arm and rubbing it some.) "It's okay Sif, we aren't gonna judge you. We know you had a real tough time... Come join us when you're ready, okay?..." (Your eye gets watery again, but you nod. You knew you had to do this... You knew you could, no matter how hard it would be.)

"Thanks Isa... I'll be over soon..." (You say with the biggest smile you could muster at the moment. He smiles back with a bit of a chuckle. He invites you in for a hug, which you take without hesitation. You hold onto him for a short while, taking deep breaths to help calm you further. You finally let him go to return to the others.) (You sit with yourself a bit longer, just staring at your clothed arms... One step at a time, that's all you have to do... You grip the star coated underside of your hat, slipping it off and to the side. One down. Next you undo the pins on your cloak. It slips free in your grip, folding it neatly setting it beside your hat. That's two. Onto your gloves, pulling them off one finger at a time. You set those down on your cloak... Last one...) (You take one last deep breath, heading over to the edge of the large pool they were all enjoying. Bonnie splashing at Isa and Mira while they pretended to be under attack. Odile just smiling to herself as she watched from the side. They all stop and look to you, almost curiously... You can do this... You're safe, you are loved... You finally start to pull up your shirt. You bring it over your head, slipping it off, and delicately peeling it off the still sore, inflamed, raw gashes you carved across them. Those stars and constellations you painted into your flesh like a canvas... You hear Mira let out a gasp in shock, quickly covering her mouth. You look across nervously at the others, Isa looked strangely proud and worried at once. Mira was still purely shocked by the gruesome sight. Odile gave her somewhat pensive look, you could just hear her saying "Oh Siffrin..." in her usual way. Their worry and judgement bore into you, causing you to begin to tremble... No... no no no this is bad, stop looking stop looking STOP LOOKING!!! You want to dearly to sink back under your hat and cloak... You notice Bonnie was staring too... though it was hard to place what they were feeling until-) "Woaaaah it looks like the sky! That's so cool!" "BONNIE!?!" "What?! It's pretty!... Fr-Frin?" (Bonnie asks as they look up at you. You let out a sniffle... you were crying again, but you let out a chuckle under your breath from their reaction. You wipe your tears as you slowly step down into the pleasantly hot water, your arms tightly wrapped around yourself. You eventually wade your way closer to the 3 of them. Wordlessly, you find yourself enveloped in a tight hug, surrounded by them all. Even feeling Odile eventually reach the group to provide some hair ruffling, causing you to choke out some light laughs through your sobbing... You're safe... You're loved...)

[sm1l3b0t]

Orv ask game with a twist! (5) And (6) but also a personal question. What's your most KDJ moment while reading the series?

hello!!! ask game with a twist you say......

5. if you could ask the authors any question, what would you ask them?

id want to ask them what their plan for orv looked like when they first started writing it, and how that plan changed throughout publishing the chapters! so much of orv feels perfectly preplanned out and i want to know if they really knew how every part of orv was gonna go from the beginning, if they didn't how did they make such a coherent novel, whether there were any scenes where the characters/action just started running away from them, etc. i need to know their secrets for writing such a long and coherent book!

6. whats a headcanon i have that i absolutely believe is canon

i think kim dokja enjoys cooking and is pretty good at it! he didn't have a lot of money to buy ingredients very often, but i think considering how much he idolised yoo jonghyuk and how often in wos there were graphic descriptions of yoo jonghyuk cooking delicious meals specifically designed to make kim dokja hungry, i think he did try and cook when he could - and he was good! i believe he can follow a recipe book, and thats all you really need anyway. also, post epilogue yoo jonghyuk teaches him the secret ways of his super good cooking and kim dokja goes from pretty good to damn good. the kids always fight over who gets to eat his food :)

personal question!!! very exciting. whats my most kim dokja moment reading orv..........there are a lot of moments so its possible this one is just the most fresh in my brain right now but im gonna pick this one

obviously i relate a lot to all of kim dokjas moments because he was designed in a lab to be incredibly relatable to whoever read orv. but i especially relate to this moment. again, obviously i rely heavily on fiction to escape the struggles of my day to day life and kim dokjas obsession with ways of survival is deeply relatable (i am in the orv fandom, kim dokja is my favourite character, we know, etc). 'i just feel steady when i look at this' is how i would describe my relationship to reading on the whole and orv especially, so that bit of dialogue especially.

what makes this moment more 'woah im literally kim dokja' than any of the other moments when he talks about needing to read to feel safe/steady/hope/etc is the hypocrisy of 'fuck the constellations for surviving off of others stories! not me tho im different than yall <3'. cause like. its orv doing a fun little meta tap dance. kim dokja hates the constellations and is one. you hate the constellations and are one. its a very intense feeling of. it may be too early for me to fully articulate this. we are all readers we are all reading a story to survive and we are all being fucking hypocrites about it! very fun to me didnt so much make me relate to kim dokja as punched me in the face and went YOU ARE KIM DOKJA

ok this was really long im so sorry BUT thank you for the ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love answering these so much :)) <3

[madaboutmunson]

I'm A Spy But On Your Side

I Think I Could Have Been Someone - Chapter 6

Ao3 Link

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Link to fic overview and all parts

Chapter Summary: Steve POV of the aftermath of meeting Eddie for the first time

Author Notes: This is a mature story, definitely 18+ only. Note specifically for this chapter: Don't Panic lol :D

Tags/Warnings: rockstar!AU; band; touring; music industry; alternate universe; drug usage; alcohol abuse; performing; enemies to lovers; road trip; stobin; platonic stobin; platonic with a capital P;

Word Count: 2.9K

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I Think I Could Have Been Someone - Part 6 - Steve POV 

Steve didn't wake up alone this morning despite his friends leaving and no hired help because he hasn't even been to sleep, not for two days now.

He's holed himself up in the studio surrounded by instruments, dry marker scrawlings over every glass surface apart from one whose job was to store the thing that was helping him stay awake, to pull on this thread of inspiration. 

In between are pulled-out pages from catalogues, scribbled-down telephone and product codes, ashtrays full of cigarette butts and a few empty beer bottles.

When the door swings open and Buckley steps in, he feels a waft of fresh air rush in, making his skin goose pimple. He's so excited.

"BUCKLEY!! You aren't gonna believe this! Look, I've written, like, three song demos, and-and I've found the best photography kit currently available, but I'm not allowed online without a chaperone, so I'm gonna need you to order these for me. Eddie's gonna be so pleased. I just know it!"

Robin nods, starts gathering up papers, looks at them and then slowly walks towards Steve, backing him towards the vocal booth. He's confused but still so excited about inspiration finally appearing again and how he's going to make everything up to Eddie. And they would have the best time in Vegas together, and he'd think about the consequences afterwards.

Once the soundproof door slides softly closed behind them. Robin roughly unplugs all the wires in the booth.

"Hey! This is very expensive equipment here, you know. You could be a little more gentle!" Steve complains and is starting to get a little annoyed that Robin is killing his buzz.

Robin dumps everything on the small chair in this tiny space before raising her hands to either side of her head and yelling at Steve, "What the hell were you thinking?"

“What do you mean? What was I thinking?” He frowns deeply at her.

“The photo, Steve, the one I said to not do anything stupid with!” She whisper-shouts back at him. Steve draws a blank. He’s trying frantically to recall, but his brain is swimming with ideas, not whatever this is. “Jesus, Steve, you don't even remember, do you? The picture of your photographer outside your home?” The words are flying out of Robin’s mouth like machine gun fire, and there is no room in the vocal booth for him to step back enough to dodge their intended impact, “The one you absolutely had to have? So I sent it to your stupid secret phone, ringing any bells? Which I knew was a mistake, but I was taking pity on you because you were all dewy-eyed!” She wags her finger at him.”But then Steve, you decide you want to get your little super-sleuths on the case and post it undercover to your fans?” Then it all comes rushing back to him, a moment of weakness. He knew his fans would find out everything about Eddie for him, and all he had to do was pretend it was some girl leaving his house. He knows Robin is mad, but he is hungry for intel. He locks eyes with her and feels himself lick his lips. She rolls her eyes and flops her arms to her sides in defeat because she knows what he’s about to ask.

“Did they find anything?” Steve quietly enquires, biting his lip back into his mouth immediately as the words leave him, and he winces a little.

“Of course they did!” Robin’s eyes widen as if he’d asked her the most ridiculous thing in the world, “They are minutes away from his blood type, his hairdresser’s dog’s name and what his regular coffee order is!”. Steve cautiously releases his bottom lip and looks around the ceiling, desperately trying not to ask what he wants to know. “Unbelievable!” she scoffs and shakes her head.

Steve tries a different tack, “Well, it's not like I can take it back now, is it?” he gives a little shrug and laughs as his eyes search the ground he is currently toeing at, “Sooo….” He looks up at Robin through his eyelashes.

She sighs and rolls her eyes, “He’s not married.” Steve punches the air, and Robin tuts and folds her arms, “I still stand by what I said, Steve. I’m getting weird vibes from him and the mountain of evidence that he wasn’t falling over himself to work with you.”

“We’ve been over this. He was busy! We both shot up the ranks at roughly the same time. He was fully booked for two whole years, and then we just couldn’t get our calendars to line up, that's all. His agent always sends those nice apology gift baskets with the little truffles you like in? Remember?” Steve searches her eyes with a slightly forlorn hopefulness. He needed her on his side. He needed this. Something to ignite his long, snuffed-out candle of creativity.

“Steve, no one is that busy.” Robin scoffs.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. He’s here now, isn’t he? He’s signed up. What does any of the past matter? I’m not bothered by it. Maybe he just wanted more money, or, “ he raises an eyebrow at her, “Maybe he wanted an international celebrity to beg for him?” He laughs as Robin screws up her face in absolute disgust.

“I don't think he was busy at all.” She says seriously, but Steve waves his hand at her dismissively and laughs.

“What? He’s just been getting offers from me, refusing, and twiddling his thumbs? Is that what you think? Oh, come on, Rob!” He puts his hands on his hips, “That's ridiculous!”

She starts to say something but stops, and he watches Robin read over the many partial lyrics, chord tabs, diagrams, and randomly noted ideas. The corners of her mouth twitch up slightly, and her eyes finally find his, “Just be careful, ok? You’ve been doing so well since I started. I know that isn’t just down to me, and I know you’re still struggling and still indulging in too much, Steve, but you're doing so much better than when I got here. I just don't want you to sink back down there again.”

“Please, babe. I’m into him, yes. But it's not all that serious, you know?” Steve half-smiles.

“Are you sure about that?” She gestures around them.

“I’m just inspired. That's all it is. I know you haven't seen much of that so far.” he reaches out for her hand below the sight of anyone looking through the booth window, “It’s nice that you care, though.”

She pats his hand, moves away and starts plugging wires back in, mumbling, “It's kinda my job.” 

“Was that what you came to tell me? About how I shouldn't have sent the picture?” Steve asks, picking up some of the papers.

“No, actually. It was just Heidi messaged me, but it’s nothing important.” Robin says quickly, trying to leave the booth.

“I thought she flew home the night she left here? Don't they start filming this week or something? I barely take in anything she says. She talks so much.” Steve shakes his head with a little smirk. Then he takes a pause. He wasn’t sure if the lack of sleep was finally catching up with him, but Robin seemed a bit hurried. No, she looks nervous, and that is not something Steve ever has or ever wants to see in his bodyguard, “What did Heidi want exactly?” he pries, crowding Robin a little, holding out his hand for her phone.

“I honestly don't think it’s important right now. Don’t you wanna get back to your writing?” She tries, with a grimaced half smile, and he immediately knows it's not good news she's attempting to save him from. 

He knows he could walk away from this, go into the other room, rack up a few more lines and forget all about whatever this is, but within Steve, unfortunately, is a hunger to know. He sometimes wonders if it's because he is a glutton for misery. It's almost like he’s so used to it being impossibly attracted to him that he now tries to ambush it first.

He makes a grabbing motion with his hand at Robin, and she takes the phone out of her pocket, “This is a bad idea.” She says seriously and softly. Steve looks at the floor and stretches his hand towards her again, “Shall I just tell you what it is? Maybe that would be easier, huh?” Now, he was perturbed. What on Earth had Heidi done? God, he hopes she hasn’t posted anything fucking stupid, so he’d have to cut all ties with her. He wasn’t planning on anything serious with Heidi, but at least she was easy enough to get along with. She doesn't ask too many questions and gets what she wants. Steve gets what he wants, and they both go their separate ways. She wasn’t a friend, but at least an amiable acquaintance.

Robin finally places the phone in his hand.

The trepidation on Robin’s face works its way into himself until there is almost a feeling of static between his thumb and the screen. He takes a deep breath and opens the message.

Tell Steve I think I figured out why the photographer didn't want to stay over.

A little picture collection sits in a box below the words, and Steve already feels he knows what is contained within. Cloud 9 busting ballistic missiles. He could hand it back. He could save himself from reality and continue floating around in the happy haze of crushdom. He could keep this Eddie on his pedestal.

His thumb hovers over the small box of thumbnails. He wasn’t with Eddie. He didn't own him. He was a colleague. A really cute one. One that Steve had been waiting years to be in the same room as. One that captured the real him when no one else could see, and Steve had drowned in that particular work, night after night for years. He thought he’d be meeting some greying gent, an artistic sage, who Steve could thank profusely, and they’d discuss that particular photograph over cocktails or coffee and become real friends, and Steve would have someone that he didn't have to pretend around because this guy had seen the same photo too. He must have seen the dull, desperate hopelessness in Steve’s eyes against the vibrant backdrop of live music.

But instead, he’d manifested an impossibly hot, almost looked like a rockstar himself, of days gone by. With huge brown eyes, a dazzling smile, and ringed solid hands that looked perfect for capturing Steve not just through a camera lens, who moved like a panther and made Steve’s heart skip a beat whenever their eyes met.

His self-preservation, which had been trying to warn him away from thoughts of Eddie since his eyes were graced with him the first time, shoves the starry-eyed part of his psyche off the ledge of indecisiveness into the reveal.

His thumb taps against the screen, expanding the images, and a smile creeps over his face. There he was, sitting at the bar, chatting with the bartender, giving her one of his gorgeous smiles.

Swipe.

This one is a little more difficult to interpret, his eyes cast down toward his glass. He almost looks a little blue, and doesn't that just make Steve’s heart bleed. There should never be a day that makes a beauty like that look glum this way. He feels a ridiculous urgency to make it right somehow. Rush to the hotel he’s no longer at to put a smile back on the face of the man who is no longer there.

Swipe.

Steve’s heart stops, and a breath catches in his throat. He’s sitting with someone else. He feels his eye shoot to Robin as his chest rises and falls a little quicker, but she’s already looking at the ground. That's when he realises it's only going to get worse.

Swipe.

Eddie is beaming at this guy that Steve can see a little better now because he’s throwing his head back, laughing with a slight blush on his cheeks. 

Eddie’s made him laugh. 

Steve’s stomach drops as if his imagination rollercoaster nudges his emotions over the top, and down it falls. No brakes. He sniffs and pinches the bridge of his nose, wipes his hand down the lower part of his face and zooms in on the other guy. Sunkissed, muscular, younger. Clothes that unintentionally hug his figure simply because of his build. He feels his mouth downturn because, for a moment, he doesn't know why it hurts so much. He looks down at himself and what he’s become. When he and Eddie first crossed paths all those years ago, that is what they would have looked like together. That perfectly coiffed swoop of hair and that chest-hugging polo shirt would have been his. He feels his eyelids flicker, swallows down the crippling self-loathing, and the green-eyed monster of a coach, calls his inner masochist off the bench.

Swipe.

His hand is on Eddie’s knee as he leans forward mid-conversation, and he’s completely captivated him. Eddie's eyes fall a little lower than the man’s eye line, a subtle smile on his lips.

Swipe.

Eddie is holding up a cherry, and the younger man obediently opens his mouth to receive it on his tongue. Steve's lips are a tight line now.

Swipe.

But the last picture just bounces in place. There are no more images to beat himself up with. He swipes through them all again a few times in absolute silence before handing the phone back to Robin, who tries to look at him compassionately. She opens her mouth to say something, but Steve beats her to it.

“I don’t blame him. He’s cute.” Steve says, forcing a smile to his face, but too quickly, the bitterness races over his tongue, “Just another airport hotel slut looking for a hookup. Probably rinsed Eddie for all he’s worth. What could they even possibly have in common? Slim pickings in airport hotel bars, in my experience.”

“Right.” That is all Robin says as she tucks away her phone in its holster on her belt and goes to leave the booth. She stops halfway through the doorway, “Do you want me to stay and talk about it?”

Steve forces a laugh, knits his eyebrows together and his mouth twitches, “Buckley, please. I’m a fucking grown-up, ok? I just wanted to jump his bones, that's all. I’ve got time. For god's sake, I feel the same about the new gardener.” Her eyes look him up and down in a careful systems scan. He knows she doesn't buy it but hopes his display is enough to shout, I’m done here. He nods, “Buckley.”

It must be because she nods respectfully, “Mr H.” she says and leaves.

He busies himself reorganising the cables in the vocal booth. Buckley had tried her best but had no clue how this all worked. As he toils away, his thoughts only get louder. What was with this guy? He could have spent the night here with me, and he decides to go back to the hotel and take his chances in a bar? No, this is ridiculous. He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the booth window as he stands to leave. As usual, he takes his own bony jaw in hand and twists it this way and that. Tilts his head up and down, widens and narrows his eyes until his reflection holds that tested and true Harrington pose. There is just no way Eddie isn't attracted to him. Sure, he looked different. He didn't look like modelling had just spat him out into the music industry any more. His body attests to his journey. His tattoos are a coded skin tapestry of the lives he’s lived. Most lines on his face are fine, except for the ones caused by lack of sleep.

There must be something else. 

This pity party would not do. He’s Steve Fucking Harrington!

He leaves the booth and heads back out to his earlier station at the mixing desk, locates the treats he’d lined up for himself before Buckley turned up. Inhales his ‘medicine’ like a good boy and springs up with a “Goddamn!”

He does a whole-body shudder and reasons with himself in the nearest wall mirror.

Here are the facts. You, Steve Harrington, are hot, wealthy, famous, talented and successful. There is nothing here not to like. Not a damn thing.  This guy at the hotel is nothing. The next time you see Eddie, they could only have possibly been seeing one another for two weeks. Nothing serious. Nothing incorruptible. If they even saw one another again at all, which was probably unlikely the way that preppy whore was mediocrely guzzling down that cherry in public. If you want Eddie, you can get him. You’re Steve Fucking Harrington!

The only interactions Steve had with Eddie until this week had been that concert and then years of practically begging Eddie to work with him, which wasn't a great look, granted, but it was honest. Maybe he’d messed up their meeting a little? Perhaps he was a little overzealous? Maybe Eddie doesn't like to be chased? Perhaps he wants to do the chasing?

A small smile spreads across Steve's face. So, let's give him something to chase.

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Songs that inspired this chapter: Private Eyes by Hall and Oates Don’t You Want Me Baby - Human League

[mattnben-bennmatt]

Ben Affleck, at the top of his game

Entertainment Weekly (11 January 2022)

The actor-director has seen fame from both sides now — and he's ready to talk (with Matt Damon, and us) about it.

By Leah Greenblatt

-

It's one of those endless blue-haze days in Los Angeles, and Ben Affleck is leaning back on the diving board of a borrowed Bel Air estate to catch the sun, his long torso arced like a bell curve. For a moment it seems like he might actually fall in, bringing a precariously perched photographer and several yards of creamy, expensive-looking knitwear with him. But his balance is better than it looks: Affleck, 49, has walked the plank many times before, and tumbled from greater heights than this. He's also climbed back up again, a story of outsize stardom and second chances played out in the public eye for nearly three decades now.

After a mid-career swerve toward directing films like Gone Baby Gone, The Town, and Argo (for which he won Best Picture), the actor has returned to his first love, turning in fresh, revelatory performances in Ridley Scott's medieval epic The Last Duel and George Clooney's warmhearted drama The Tender Bar. To mark the occasion, Affleck's erstwhile creative partner and oldest friend in the business, Matt Damon (it's been 24 years since they took home their Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Good Will Hunting, how do you like them apples?), sat down to discuss life, love, and all the roles — School Ties, Armageddon, and yes, even Gigli — that made the man. —Leah Greenblatt

MATT DAMON: Ben Affleck, it's great to see you here today.

BEN AFFLECK: Hey there, man! Welcome to the red carpet. Before we get into your project, who are you sleeping with?

[Laughs] Well we're here to talk about The Tender Bar, a movie directed by George Clooney which you star in. I guess I first became aware of it when you called me very excited that you read a great script that Bill Monahan wrote and George offered you a job. I promptly called George and he said that it was because you were cheaper than me. But as the month went on, I started to wonder if he was telling me the entire truth.

He told me that you argued too much. "I got tired of dealing with Damon's bull----. You're gonna do what I tell you, right?"

How was I going to just take his notes and not say anything? But you said you received some of the best direction of your career from Georgie, so I was wondering if you could help people understand what that means.

Well, first of all, because you'd worked with George, I had worked with George, I knew him well and liked him quite a bit. You've always been very smart about picking great directors, and lucky that good directors have picked you. I feel like you really understood that very early on and how well it served you, and I remember George being somebody about whom you just raved.

So aside from being deeply jealous and developing a sense of inadequacy and self-loathing, I did think, "Oh, that would be nice one day, if that happened to me." So when he just called me out of the blue — you know how rare it is that a finished, wonderful script shows up with a really great director, and all you have to do is to just basically be conscious and sentient and say yes.

I mean, especially today, right?

Yeah, I knew that this was kind of mine to screw up. I couldn't imagine there wasn't a long line of people that wanted to take this part, so I really respected his confidence and faith in me, and I wanted to do well for him. I wanted to do it for myself. There's an emotional scene in the end where I give the kid [Tye Sheridan] a car, and every time I read the script, I cried. So I showed up and I really got ready and did my thing. We did the first take and I thought, God, this is it. This is all working. George came over and he said, "Yeah... Giving a car to someone is supposed to be fun."

That's what he said?

I was like, "Right, yes, of course. I've been playing it completely wrong." Other directors can talk to you for an hour and a half and it doesn't seem clear what they're driving at, whereas George has this gift of succinctness and insight. But also just being directed by somebody who's done this job that I've been trying to do for, I don't know, 30 years, is such a comfort and a relief.... My dad worked in a bar, as you know. All that stuff was very familiar to me. So my only concern was, "Should I be working harder than this? It shouldn't feel this smooth."

I've always said, as an actor, your only excuse for not being good is "I didn't know what movie I was in."

It's interesting, because that was the very first thing George did. I mean, a director's job in large measure is tone. Is it more comic? More serious? For me, every time I work with a director that I really admire, and even some I don't — I can learn from negative examples, too — but I just feel like I become a much better director.

I remember Francis [Ford Coppola] sold these little cigars at his winery that are called Carmine Thrifties, they're named after his father. And on the side of the box, it says, "Steal from the best." Which brings me to my next question: Is there anything you're going to carry forward into your own directing coming out of this experience?

I think it's hard to overestimate the degree to which a director's attitude, openness, comfort, generosity pervades the set and sets a tone. George does that better than I do. And he was enormously respectful of the degree to which I take very seriously my need to be there with my children for my half of the custody. I mean, he bent over backwards. You didn't have to be there until midnight every night [or] obliterate the rest of your life in order to do this. Because he's got this spectacular wife, he's got his children, he's got a very rich, full life. He's got to sell coffee—

He sells tequila, too.

Tequila and coffee. That's no joke.

He's got you in the morning and the night.

I'll tell you what I want to be. I want to be George Clooney selling coffee and tequila. Because that really frees you up to do the movies you want to do.

So speaking of awesome actors, I've been tasked with going all the way back to the beginning of your career.

Don't be afraid to relieve yourself of some of that burden, if it feels unduly burdensome.

I take my job very seriously here at Entertainment Weekly.

That's what I'm afraid of.

But before we go back to where it started, let's talk for a second about where you are. Do you attribute it to just, "You play in traffic long enough, you're bound to get hit by some cars?" Is that why your performances are so good of late? Like what you did in The Way Back and The Last Duel. It's full, it's rich, it's invested. It's right. And you're not reaching.

Thank you. That means a lot. Sometimes people will go, "You know, you've really gotten better as you were older," which sometimes feels like "You're not that bad-looking in person! You're not as stupid as I thought you were!" I have some performances as a younger person that I really liked. I knew [Good Will Hunting's] Chuckie Sullivan. I felt an affinity for Ned Alleyn in Shakespeare in Love, and really connected with the character in Chasing Amy.

Changing Lanes! You were great in that one.

That's where I met Bradley [Cooper], actually. Starting off, you have these ideas about success. You know, my mother made $28,000 a year. So I would be like, "How could I justifiably say no to this?" Just not understanding the value of turning things down. People talk about your choices and I want to say, "Well, it's not like I was passing on Scorsese movies." Like, "No, Marty, I'm good. I'm going to do Surviving Christmas." Part of our fates are controlled by the opportunities we have in terms of material and directors.

Absolutely.

That's a big one. And then also, I've always felt more comfortable playing characters that weren't the traditional kind of protagonist. You do this much better than I do, and it's not a backhanded compliment because you find a way to make characters interesting and flawed and real. Because you can't, as a storyteller, alienate the audience from your protagonist. Then you're just watching a movie about somebody you're either judging or don't like or don't believe. And that just blows the whole thing up.

It's deceptively difficult to play the leading-man role. It's like Denzel [Washington], you just can't help but like him and want to be him and admire him. That's a level of being interesting so that you draw people in. One of the nice things about getting older, if you're lucky, is you stop bulls---ting yourself and you start going, You know, I actually know where my feelings are. And the more I figured it out, the more accessible that was. I know what painful is and I know what disillusioned is and I know what ambivalent is, I know what nostalgia is.

Right.

I had a really nadir experience around Justice League for a lot of different reasons. Not blaming anybody, there's a lot of things that happened. But really what it was is that I wasn't happy. I didn't like being there. I didn't think it was interesting. And then some really s---ty things, awful things happened. But, that's when I was like, I'm not going to do that anymore.

In fact, I talked to you about it and you were a principal influence on that decision. I want to do the things that would bring me joy. Then we went and did Last Duel and I had fun every day on this movie. I wasn't the star, I wasn't likable. I was a villain. I wasn't all the things I thought I was supposed to be when I started out and yet it was a wonderful experience. And it was all just stuff that came along that I wasn't chasing.

My only thing is that now I live in fear every time I do another movie, I'm like, Do I still feel that, am I still good? I'm afraid it's going to go away, you know? 'Cause it's elusive. But I'm happy now. I'm feeling it now. And I do think I've gotten better. I think people generally get better with the age and experience—

Some might not. They might get in really bad, corrosive habits.

If you're smart, you learn from people who are really good. And I think our friendship helped kind of inculcate that knowledge in me. We were very generous and open with stuff. Being around other people that you liked and respected and were smart just made you better.

You said to me and I've always repeated it — I mean this is when we started writing together, you were 20 and I was 22 — really starkly, you were like, "Judge me for how good my good ideas are and not how bad my bad ideas are."

Everyone's got bad ideas. Like David Fincher, who is brilliant, every now and again, you go, "Hmm, I don't know." But then you find out he has the humility to go, "Oh, huh."

I remember that with the Coen brothers, more than once. One of them would come up and give me a note after a take and then the other one would be off talking to another actor and would come up and give me the exact opposite note. And without fail, I would always say, "Joel, Ethan just told me the opposite thing," or "Ethan, Joel just told me to do the opposite thing." And no matter who it was, the second guy would say, "Oh yeah, do what he said." [Laughs]

Let me ask you a question about the business before I start running these old movies by you. Given The Last Duel, which I'm drinking my tea and shamelessly promoting with a Last Duel mug that I made...

Did you hand-paint it? Matt Damon, hold the mug!

Obviously it was a box office failure. But interestingly enough, it's number one on iTunes. So it means that there is an audience, just one that was unwilling to go in the middle of a pandemic to the theater. How does that make you feel, coming out with another drama — did COVID just accelerate something that was going to take 10 or 15 years, or is it coming back?

You know, I won't hedge, because that's always boring. I will say, when The Way Back came out, it was released the week they closed the theaters [for the pandemic]. But even before then I knew this movie about grief and a child dying and alcoholism and recovery is just not going to get adults in the seats. We were just talking about Narcos: Mexico, Succession, Mare of Easttown. There's these amazing things being done on streamers. Roma! It's not just some formulaic TV procedural like when we were kids. And you could only watch it like my dad, on an 11-inch black-and-white TV.

If I had to bet, a drama like Argo would not be made theatrically now. That wasn't that long ago. It would be a limited series. I think movies in theaters are going to become more expensive, event-ized. They're mostly going to be for younger people, and mostly about "Hey, I'm so into the Marvel Universe, I can't wait to see what happens next." And there'll be 40 movies a year theatrically, probably, all IP, sequel, animated.

The Last Duel really clinched it for me. I've had bad movies that didn't work and I didn't blink. I know why people didn't go — because they weren't good. But I liked what we did. I like what we had to say. I'm really proud of it. So I was really confused. And then to see that it did well on streaming, I thought, "Well, there you go. That's where the audience is."

Heading back into a time machine now—

If I thought I was going to be held accountable for these movies 20 years later...

Thirty years, dude. Thirty. Let's start with School Ties because that was the first time we did a feature film together. What do you remember?

I knew my nine lines back to front. I loved every day I was on a call sheet, every day I got to come to work. You were there, in Boston. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

Even by the dump in Lowell. Remember?

We literally were next to a dump and thought we were kings. I knew I was playing the one s---ty anti-Semitic bully character, so I figured it was probably not going to be great for me career-wise, but I loved it.

I wasn't in this, but Dazed and Confused, that was your first time working with and meeting Rick Linklater and all those guys.

He was a model to us as we looked around and thought for the first time, "Maybe we can make our own movie," you know? You can do Reservoir Dogs or Slacker or Clerks or Do the Right Thing. People were kind of working outside of the system, and that was inspiring.

Look, it's a bunch of 19-year-old kids shooting nights in a party scene in Texas. So it was barely distinguishable, the time at the hotel and the time on the set. I got to know Matthew [McConaughey] when he was first starting out. Rory [Cochrane], I stayed friends with him, he was in Argo. Anthony Rapp and Joey Lauren Adams and Renée Zellweger, it was just an abundance of riches.

And then it bombed. Bombed! Nobody saw the movie, but it got great reviews. I remember there was a [former EW film critic] Owen Gleiberman review saying "Once every decade..." and I thought this was hyperbole. But it ended up being true, it's a real cult movie that people still talk about and I'm glad to be a part of it. And again, I was the single unappealing character in a movie of enormously appealing people. So not a great career strength. [Laughs]

Well now, speaking of DIY filmmaking: Mall Rats. You obviously have got to talk about Kevin [Smith], but maybe fold them all in because you've got Chasing Amy, too.

I was, once again, playing the bully, running around, throwing people into their lockers. But I liked Kevin. He's funny and smart and charming. We got along.

Kevin also saved Good Will Hunting. This is not a small side note. He is the reason Good Will Hunting got made. We were dead in the water, all the offers had evaporated.

I promised him I would thank him if we ever got an Oscar and promptly forgot. And then I told him, "If I ever win again I swear to God I'm going to thank you." Forgot again.

Kevin and Gus [Van Sant, Good Will's director] and Robin [Williams] were equally important. And I think Francis [Ford Coppola] vouched for me with Robin.

God, he was a wonderful guy. And funny! It was the first time I ever got to hang out with somebody that talented and that famous. I remember walking down the street in Boston with him, he had done Good Morning, Vietnam and Awakenings and Fisher King and all that. And all everybody in Boston would say was "Nanu, nanu."

Yeah.

Mork from Ork.

Mork! But he did do that — he would just do take after take after take because that beautiful brain of his would always come up with something different to do.... So from there, I remember when you got Armageddon. We got split where people went, "Oh, well, Ben's the big movie guy. And Matt's the serious guy," because I did Saving Private Ryan. But the fact was that we were desperate to get another job, and I would've happily taken Armageddon. You would've happily taken Saving Private Ryan. I remember I was shooting [The Talented Mr.] Ripley in Italy when that thing opened, and it was a massive hit. That was a terrific cast.

Yeah, Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, Billy Bob [Thornton], Mike Duncan. This was real Hollywood, which I felt like I had never seen. They dug out two stages of Disney for huge asteroid craters, and I didn't even think about the fact that the basic premise of the movie was totally absurd.

Why are they training oil drillers to be astronauts rather than astronauts to be oil drillers? You would think the learning curve would be somewhat more steep on the oil-drillers-to-astronauts route. But it was fun and the right time. It's funny, Bruce dropped out of a movie, and as the deal for dropping out of this movie that wasn't working is that we get to put you in two movies, and they put him in Armageddon and The Sixth Sense.

Oh my God, really?

Yes! And I was a little naive about the opinions people would form about me. Or Michael [Bay] and Jerry [Bruckheimer]'s focus on aesthetics, like, "You guys gotta go to the tanning bed!" They made me fix my teeth and work out and be sexy. Be sexy, how do I do that? "Go to the gym!" Running in the gym and putting oil on my body and stuff, and it just turned out to be a long-form version of one of those male topless calendars, in a garage, carrying a tire, kind of greased up. Michael had a vision of a glistening male torso in the oil, and he was like, "That's going to go in the trailer and sell tickets!" And you know, what can you say? We could have made, I think, 400 Chasing Amys for what we made Armageddon for.

It's funny because that's the one movie of mine that my kids have watched and they'll kind of all admit to liking, even though they relentlessly mock it and me. "What are you, driving a tank on the moon?" But they had fun, you know what I mean? They won't even watch The Town. So there you have it.

My kids won't watch my stuff, either. All right, wow, they have a lot of movies they want me to ask you about.

Skip to the ones that are interesting.

Let's touch on Gigli because it's directed by one of our favorite directors, Marty Brest. Where does it sit with you now?

You know, it's an interesting thing because it was a really easy choice. I loved Midnight Run. I loved Beverly Hills Cop. I loved Scent of a Woman. Marty's obviously enormously gifted. There's no question in my mind that this was a guy I wanted to work with. There was wonderful stuff in there. There are things where my daughter will be like, "This is ableist and disgusting," and okay. The way we see stuff has changed a little bit, or a lot in some cases. And there are things that seemed they could work at the time and don't in retrospect.

But really, the truth about that movie and what it taught me was how much everything around a movie sort of dictates the way people see it. But for being a movie that's such a famous bomb and a disaster, very few people actually saw the movie. It doesn't work, by the way. It's a sort of horse's head in a cow's body. And the studio at the time, because I had begun having this relationship with Jennifer Lopez, which was selling a lot of magazines and appeared to generate a lot of enthusiasm, they just predictably latched onto, "They want a romantic comedy. They want the two of them together. More of that!" And it was just like that SNL sketch: "Bad Idea."

But even movies like The Sum of All Fears that worked commercially but didn't have any depth to them, I didn't do anything particularly interesting in them. [Gigli] didn't work and we did five weeks of reshoots, which we knew were not gonna work. It was a movie that didn't work.... Interestingly, I learned more about directing on that movie than anything else because Marty is a brilliant director, really gifted. It's not like it's worse than all... there's a bunch of horrible movies and in terms of losing money, I've had five movies — at least! — that have lost more money than Gigli has.

It's just that it became a story in and of itself. The funny name, the Jennifer Lopez romance and overexposure of that, it was kind of a perfect storm. And I remember talking to Marty the Friday it came out and I was like it's just spectacular, it's a tsunami, it couldn't be worse. This is as bad as it gets.

I thought my job was to be a cipher. I can see now how people looked at me and thought of this person as some callow frat guy who's cavalier, or has too much. It engendered a lot of negative feelings in people about me. There's that aspect of people that I got to see that was sad and hard, it was depressing and really made me question things and feel disappointed and have a lot of self-doubt. But if the reaction to Gigli hadn't happened, I probably wouldn't have ultimately decided, "I don't really have any other avenue but to direct movies," which has turned out to be the real love of my professional life. So in those ways, it's a gift. And I did get to meet Jennifer, the relationship with whom has been really meaningful to me in my life.

I remember you saying to me at that time — probably around the opening weekend, and I never forgot it — you said, "I'm in the worst possible place you can be. I can sell magazines, but not movie tickets."

Yeah. I remember feeling like it was the worst of both worlds. I always viewed it that the tax you paid to get the chance to do this work was to sacrifice your private life, and people were going to have license to make sport of you to some degree. And I didn't go into it blindly. I knew that Sean Penn and Madonna were a tabloid story when I was young. I knew that could happen. Jennifer and I happened to be together at a time where the whole industry of celebrity journalism, if you want to call it that, sort of exploded. But I thought, "S---, this is really not how I had hoped to go, where I'm going to be, what? Famous for being an a--hole or a failure and not able to work?"

I can't think of a worse outcome. Because I've never found any virtue in fame at all. I've probably gotten out of a couple of [traffic] tickets. I've gotten reservations at restaurants. But the whole point was to be able to do this job. That was it. Otherwise, what is it worth? It's corrosive. It changes the relationships you have with other people. But one of the things that time showed me is that it is those moments of crisis or pain or perspective that are strong enough to make you go, "F--- it. Well, this doesn't work. I've got to do something different." I've definitely learned more from failure than I have from success.

Yeah. Well, we're not ending on the note of failure because the postscript to the story is, after 2006, you became a world-renowned director. You won an Academy Award for Best Picture, which is really the highest mountaintop in our business. I'm wrapping this up because I'm late for dinner. My kids are staring at me through the window.

I know how it goes.

But you've had a remarkable last decade and a half that is culminating with some of your best acting work that you've ever done and The Tender Bar is another example of that. And I dare say your writing is pretty damn good. I was really proud of the work you did on The Last Duel.

I love you, man. I want you to do all my interviews. Are you cheap? [Laughs]

I'm free, actually. I'm free.

To be honest... Thank you. It's true, it ends on a much happier note. Not easy and not always smooth, but good. I don't know that that would've been possible for me alone, doing this job in this world without somebody I grew up with who I loved, who I knew loved me and had my back, who believed in me, and whom the popularity of my movies or what people said about me wasn't going to change what they thought about me.

This friendship has been essential and defining and so important to me in my life. There were a few critical times, which are private and I don't want to share, but where your support was so profoundly meaningful to me that I don't think I would've been able to be successful without it. So let me take this opportunity to thank you—

—in a Zoom interview. [Laughs] Congratulations on another great piece of work, and I hope people go see The Tender Bar. We've just got to get people to see the movies.

Well, that may go away, but we'll always be good. And we'll finally have figured it out when we hit the dinner-theater circuit.

We're each a fan club of one for the other. All right, man. I love you.

I love you, buddy.

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

The Demigod From Asgard - Steve Rogers x Reader (Part 82)

A/N: We’re officially in the Endgame now! So for all of those that have missed our reader, she’ll be popping up very soon!

Summary: A surprise visitor, long thought gone, turns up at the compound giving Steve the chance he never thought he’d get

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Angst! Language! Talk of Grief and moving on!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics​

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

Chapter 82: A Chance

5 years since the snap

Steve’s mood was a direct reflection of the weather a dark and gloomy day, thick fog covering everything, even JJ’s excited mood for the first day of first grade could pull Steve out of his slump. 5 years on since Steve started seeing his therapist about depression and grief, he still had days when it felt impossible to get out of bed.

He’d hoped that after taking JJ to school and going out for a run with Scout would help improve his mood, but it didn’t. so much so that he even considered cancelling today’s support group. Struggling to see how he could be any help to others when he could barely help himself.

Nevertheless, the sense of duty drove him to attend. The small room in the community centre seeming more dark and gloomy than before. The group was smaller than usual, people seemingly having the same sort of day as him. The core members of the group were still there, including the man, Joe, who inspired Steve to start the whole thing up.

“so.. I, uh, went on a date the other day,” Joe told the group as part of the catch-up portion of the session, each member telling the group what changes, big or small happened, Steve telling the group how JJ started first grade.

“it’s the first time in five years, you know? I’m sitting there at dinner… i- i- didn’t even know what to talk about” Joe sighed and looked over at Steve.

Steve nods sympathetically, knowing the weight everyone carried around on their shoulders, the extra baggage caused by the snap “what did you talk about?” Steve prompted.

“eh, same old crap, you know how things have changed, my job, his job, how much we miss the Mets… and then things got quiet… then he cried as they were serving the salads” Joe sighed shaking his head.

“what about you?” another member asked.

“I cried just before dessert” Joe answers with a sigh “but I’m seeing him again tomorrow so…”

“that’s great” steve nods “you did the hardest part you took the jump, you didn’t know where you were gonna come down, and that’s it, it's those little brave baby steps we gotta take to try and become whole again, try and find purpose” steve sighs his mind going instantly to JJ.

“I went into the ice in ’45, right after I met my first love… woke up 70 years later, life turned upside down, didn’t think I’d be lucky again and then I met the woman that became my wife, and while she’s not around anymore it’s a reminder that you gotta move on” Steve sighs

“you gotta move on” he repeats mostly for the benefit of himself, reminding himself that it would be what you wanted, no matter how hard it was “the world is in our hands, it's left to us guys as we gotta do something with it otherwise… Thanos should have killed all of us”

Silence falls in the room as everyone takes in what he said, a few people nodding, some wiping away stray tears.

“do you think you’ll find someone again?” one of the ladies asks.

Steve sighs deeply, crossing his arms over his chest as he thought “honestly, I don’t know, maybe… life gave me a second chance with Y/N, it was rough at times and we didn’t get to do everything we planned to, but we made it work, we had our son…” steve sighs before shaking his head “it still seems so fresh, friends have tried to push me into it but it just doesn’t feel right, I feel like I’m cheating on her still” Steve has to bite his lips slightly to stop himself from crying “but that doesn’t it mean it won’t, I know Y/N would want me to be happy and move on and maybe in a few years JJ will have a mom again, but right now I’m just not ready”

A few people nodded and voiced their understanding and agreement, and to Steve’s relief, the topic of conversation moved on. For the rest of the session, Steve tried to stay present but after talking about moving on from you he struggled. He’d had the same conversation over and over again with his therapist but he just couldn’t bring himself to move on. There was something holding him back and he didn’t know what.

Once the session was over Steve packed up all the chairs and made his way outside, taking a deep breath to try and centre himself. When he opened his eyes he spotted a flower stall across the street, spotting a bouquet of your favourite flowers. Without thinking he walked across the street and purchased the flowers before grabbing his phone and dialling Roberta.

“hey Steve is everything okay?” she says once she answered.

“yeah, um do you mind picking JJ up from school today, I know it's bad and I should go considering it's his first day but…” Steve sighed shaking his head as he looked down at the flowers in his hands.

“The session today was tough and you need some time” Roberta finishes for him.

“yeah,” Steve breathes out, his voice shaking.

“of course, it's not a problem, and just call me if you need anything, I’ll cook some dinner for the both of you and get Scout from the house too,” Roberta tells him.

“thank you Roberta that really means a lot, I’ll try and not stay too long, I just need to go see her” Steve promises.

“take as much time as you need sweetheart” Roberta reassures him.

“thank you, I’ll see you later” Steve sighs before hanging up.

As Steve made his way out of the city the sun was beginning to set, the sun finally breaking through the clouds casting an orange glow over everything. As he reached the bridge over the Hudson he hit standstill traffic, looking up ahead he could see a large group of people out of their cars looking out at the river. He looked out to see where they were pointing, spotting a pod of whales swimming past.

Steve muttered in amazement under his breath, even back in the forties the chance of seeing any life in the Hudson river seemed impossible. Yet here they were. Steve sighed wishing JJ was here to see it, knowing how much the boy loved animals. But a part of him hated that scenes like this were now possible, he hated that what Thanos did actually had some good. He’d rather have you, than see whales in the Hudson, no matter how selfish that seemed.

Steve revved his bike and carefully slinked through the traffic towards the compound. The sun had nearly set when he arrived, when he parked up he grabbed the flowers and walked over to the memorial. He took a deep and shaky breath as he placed down the flowers, his eyes instantly finding your name, fingers running over the inscription.

“JJ started first grade today,” Steve said his voice barely above a whisper “he was so excited, I don’t think I've seen a kid so excited for school, I just hope he feels the same when I see him later” he sighs looking up at the sky, silently cursing the clouds that blocked his view of the stars “I miss you so much” he whispered.

Steve stayed there for a few moments before collecting himself and making his way inside to go say hi to Nat before heading back home. As he walked in he found her sitting at a table in the conference room, Steve lingering by the side as she asked Rhodey to continue to look for Clint. Rhodey caught sight of Steve as he signs off, giving him a quick nod before the hologram disappeared. Once he was gone Nat slumped back in her chair clearly unaware of Steve’s presence as she puts her head in her hands and struggles to hold back the tears.

“you know I’d offer to cook you dinner… but you seem pretty miserable already,” Steve says grabbing her attention, trying to lighten the situation.

It works slightly as Nat gives him a weak smile before looking over at him “I do wonder how you feed your son” she comments.

“microwave meals and a friendly neighbour” Steve jokes despite it being far from the truth, now you weren’t around Steve had to step up and slowly over the years learnt to cook with the help of Roberta, while his cooking wasn’t as good as yours, it was pretty decent.

“Are you here to do your laundry?” Nat says, referring to Steve’s usual excuse to visit unannounced.

“and to see a friend” Steve nods.

“Clearly your friend is fine” Nat sighs, clasping her hands together as she looks over at him.

Steve sighs glancing down at his keys “you know I saw a pod of whales when I was coming over the bridge”

“in the Hudson?” Nat asks surprised.

“there’s fewer ships… cleaner water” Steve sighs.

“you know if you’re about to tell me to look on the bright side, um… I’m about to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich” she states with a tight smile.

“hmm” Steve hums with a small sigh “sorry force of habit” he apologises as he moves to sit opposite her.

As he sits down she pushes her plate closer to him, offering him half of her sandwich. He thinks about taking it for a second but before he gets the chance he sees a hand reach out and grab it. He looks up to see you standing there smirking as you took a bite of the sandwich, winking at him. Steve lets out a shaky breath as he watches you, trying to keep his eyes open but as soon as he blinks you disappear and the sandwich is left on the plate untouched.

“you still see her don’t you” Nat sighs grabbing Steve’s attention.

Steve sighs nodding his head sadly “only here, and its less often now but even though it kills me to see her… I don’t want it to stop” he admits before scoffing slightly under his breath “you know I keep telling everybody they should move on and grow, some do… but not us”

“if I move on, who does this?” Nat says shaking her head as she looks around the room.

“Maybe it doesn’t need to be done” Steve presses gently, hoping that this time she would finally stop.

But Nat shakes her head, tears collecting in her eyes “I used to have nothing, and then I got this. This job… this family… and I was better because of it… and even though they’re gone… I’m still trying to be better” she admits.

Steve sighs knowing that no matter what he said she wouldn’t change her mind “I think we both need to get a life”

Nat lets out a small huff of a laugh “you first” she says, Steve giving her a small smile.

Their conversation was interrupted by an alert appearing in front of Nat, she quickly swipes it aside “oh hi, hi!” Steve hears behind him, Steve glancing over his shoulder to look at the screen “uh is anyone home” as he does so he sees the CCTV footage of Scott outside the gate of the compound waving at the camera “This is un Scott lang! we met a few years ago at the airport in Germany”

Steve frowns in confusion as he stands up to get a proper look at the screen, not believing what he was actually seeing. As far as he knew Scott was one of the ones who didn’t survive the snap “is this an old message?” Steve asks.

“It’s the front gate” Nat answers her voice wobbling.

Steve’s mind exploded with possibilities as Nat jumped into action opening the gate for Scott, telling him to drive up. How was Scott here? What if the snap was only temporary? If Scott was back did that mean everyone else would come back too? Steve had too many questions he needed answering.

“what the hell has happened?” Scott said as he walked into the compound.

“we’re kinda hoping you could tell us the same thing,” Nat says with a brow arched.

“right because the last thing I knew it was 2018, not 2023!” Scott fires back making Steve’s eyebrows raise in surprise, Scott covers his mouth in shock at his own outburst “sorry, I’m sorry I’m just really freaking out and I need someone to explain what’s going on”

Steve holds out his hand to calm Scott down “okay, okay, what do you know already?” Steve asks him.

“um um I don’t know- i- I Cassie said there was this guy called Thanos and he wiped out like half the universe or something but it's been five years and my little girl isn’t a little girl anymore!” Scott says beginning to freak out more, pacing back and forth.

“I mean that’s the general gist of it” Nat admits “but we thought you were gone too, so how are you here?” she asks.

Scott doesn’t answer and continues to pace back and forth in front of Steve and Nat, the two of them sharing a concerned look as they watched him. Scott muttered to himself as he tried to comprehend everything, Steve knew he needed to give him some time but he was dying to have some answers. He needed to know if you were out there somewhere.

“Scott, are you okay?” Steve asked finally getting Scott to stop pacing.

“yeah” Scott nods, his voice still trembling as he ran his hands down his face “have either of you guys studied quantum physics?” he asks suddenly.

“only to make conversation” Nat admits, Steve looking over at her in surprise.

Scott points over to her “all right so, five years ago, right before… Thanos… I was in a place called the quantum realm, the quantum realm is like its own microscopic universe, to get in there you have to be incredibly small” Scott explains “Hope, she’s my- um- she was my- she was supposed to pull me out and then Thanos happened and I got stuck in there”

Steve sighs deeply dropping his head, the hopes he had that the snap was temporary and you were out there somewhere right now completely dashed. Scott was one of the ones who survived, he never disappeared in the first place.

“I’m sorry that must have been a very long five years,” Nat says sympathetically.

“yeah but that’s just it, it wasn’t,” Scott said shaking his head “for me it was 5 hours, see the rules of the quantum realm aren’t like they are up here, everything is unpredictable, is that anybody’s sandwich? I’m starving” Scott asks pointing over to Nat’s sandwich.

“Scott” Steve says as he walks past him to grab the sandwich “what are you talking about?” he asks completely lost on what Scott was saying.

“so” Scott starts, his voice muffled by the mouthful of sandwich “what I’m saying is, time works differently in the quantum realm, the only problem is right now, we don’t have a way to navigate it” Scott explains beginning to pace again “but what if we did? I can’t stop thinking about it, what if we could somehow control the chaos and we could navigate it? what if there was a way that we could enter the quantum realm at a certain point in time but then exit the quantum realm at another point in time, like… like before Thanos” he finishes.

“Wait,” Steve said holding up his hand as he tried to comprehend what Scott was suggesting “are you talking about a time machine,” Steve asks struggling to believe it.

“no, no of course not, no not a time machine,” Scott says shaking his head “this is more like a…” Scott says gesturing with his hand as he tries to think of something else “yeah like a time machine, I know its crazy, its crazy, but I- I- can’t stop thinking about it, there’s gotta be… some way… it's crazy” Scott sighs in defeat looking down at the floor.

“Scott, I get emails from a raccoon so nothing sounds crazy anymore” Natasha states in an attempt to comfort him.

“so who do we talk to about this?” Scott asks.

“Stark seems like the best bet,” Steve says with a sigh glancing over at Nat.

“do you think he’ll be up for it?” Nat asks unconvinced.

“maybe but it's worth a shot, I’m supposed the be going over this weekend with JJ, we can ask him then,” Steve says shrugging his shoulders.

“sounds like a plan, wait who’s JJ?” Scott asks confused.

“my son, he uh- he was born a year before the snap” Steve explains clearing his throat.

“oh nice, congratulations, how is Y/N?” Scott asks with a small smile.

Steve’s voice catches in his throat, swallowing the lump of emotion as he looked down at the floor. Thankfully Scott seemed to pick up on what was wrong meaning Steve didn’t need to say the words he hated.

“oh… oh I’m so sorry Steve” Scott mutters shaking his head sadly.

“it's okay,” Steve says his voice cracking as he cleared his throat “it's uh late, I should get home, I’ll swing by here and pick you guys up on Saturday,” he says grabbing his keys and jacket and quickly making his way out.

“Steve” Nat called out making him pause at the door “we’ll work it out”

Steve just nods before turning and making his way out the door.

When he got home, he quietly opened the front door aware that JJ was most likely fast asleep upstairs given the late hour. As he stepped inside Scout quickly trotted over, his tail wagging as he greeted Steve, nuzzling his snout into Steve’s hand as if he could sense Steve’s distress.

“hey, you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost” Roberta says grabbing Steve’s attention.

Steve blinked a couple of times looking over to see her sitting on the couch book in hand. Steve nods slightly before kicking off his shoes and handing up his coat before walking in.

“is JJ asleep?” he asks as he sits down on the couch.

“yeah he wanted to stay up but I managed to convince him saying you’d pop in when you got in” Roberta explains as she puts down her book “is everything okay?”

“yeah… no… I don’t know” Steve sighs dropping his head into his hands and rubbing his face tiredly.

“What happened?” Roberta asks sitting forward and putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve took a deep breath as he leaned back and slumped against the couch “while I was at the compound, someone we thought had been snapped away turned up” Steve explained, Roberta’s eyes widening in surprise.

“it turns out he was in this place called the quantum realm for the past 5 years, but to him it only felt like 5 hours” Steve continues shaking his head as he still tried to understand it all.

“so it's like he travelled through time?” Roberta asks confused.

“yeah, and he thinks maybe we could use this realm to get everyone back,” Steve says looking over at her.

“shit…” Roberta mutters, slumping back in disbelief.

“my sentiments exactly, it's this wild idea but what if we can? What if we can get everyone back, bring Y/N back” Steve admits quietly as he looks up at the ceiling.

“Are you gonna try? If it works and you can do it?” Roberta asks him.

“I have to, for JJ” Steve sighs shaking his head “for everyone who lost someone”

“then do it, do whatever it is you need to do, and if it doesn’t work at least you know you tried,” Roberta says reaching out to put her hand on top of his “and whatever you need, I’ll be here”

“thank you Roberta, I just really hope this works” Steve sighs biting his lip to stop himself from crying.

“if I know anything about you Steve, it's that you never give up,” Roberts says making him let out a small huff of a laugh “now go on upstairs, say goodnight to JJ and get some rest, you have a lot ahead of you”

“Thank you Roberta, I don’t know what I would have done without you” Steve smiles as he stands up from the couch.

“probably burnt this place down a week after moving in” Roberta snorts making Steve chuckle.

“yeah probably, you get some rest too, thank you for helping out tonight” Steve smiles.

“It's nothing, I’ll see you tomorrow” Roberta smiles standing up and heading out.

Quickly and quietly running up the stairs Steve crept into JJ’s room, his jungle nightlight projecting the shapes of different animals around the room. Steve could see JJ was fast asleep and while he Roberta promised Steve was come in to say goodnight, Steve was reluctant to disturb him.

“Daddy?” JJ murmured in his sleep rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“hey bean, sorry I didn’t mean to wake you” Steve smiles as he walks in perching on the side of JJ’s bed, hand running over his hair “did you have a good day at school?” he asks.

“yeah it was really fun, Miss Levinson is really nice and pretty,” JJ says making Steve chuckle.

“That’s good I'm glad you enjoyed it” Steve smiles leaning down to kiss the top of his head.

“where did you go?” JJ then asks him.

Steve sighs as he tries to work out what to tell him “I needed to help a friend who’s been lost for a while now” Steve tells him.

“lost?” JJ asks confused.

“yeah he didn’t know where he was and needed some help” Steve explained.

“Is he okay now?” JJ asks concerned.

“yeah, he will be, now you get some sleep you’ve got another couple of days of school ahead of you,” Steve says tucking JJ back in.

“and then we’ll see Morgan?” JJ asks hopefully.

“yes we’ll see Morgan” Steve confirms with a chuckle “now go to sleep and I’ll see you in the morning”

“Okay, night night daddy,” JJ says making himself comfortable.

“night night bean” Steve smiles kissing the top of his head.

Sharing is caring so please reblog if you enjoyed this and maybe even leave a comment to make my day!

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

I don’t have a tag list so follow @secretswiftymarvelfanlibrary​ and turn on post notifications for updates!

[scoutpologist]

Oscar the beloved I bring you a hypothetical tnt duo fic title

Hatred’s not the same anymore (but it’s a good one for you and I)

I LOVE THIS ONE. this one is gonna be 18+ and contain all my fav tropes cause i'm feeling SOOO self indulgent tonight <33 thank you mye darling

okay so my initial thought was divorce. however i think we could do something spicier than that

instead of a whole divorce, which implies a relationship that was stable enough to turn into a marriage at one point, they are exes.

this is, of course, a modern au. why would it not be. all of these are gonna be aus by the way sorry it's just how my brain works. love you guys <3

they had. a horrible relationship, if only because they were both at very unstable times in their life (read: quackity just got out of a big breakup and lost a bunch of friends while wilbur was falling headfirst into a mental health crisis) and cared very deeply about each other but didn't know how to navigate their time with each other

so eventually their communication just broke down (wasn't very good in the first place) and they had one big fight that ended in a very messy breakup and completely cutting each other off.

it takes them both a very long time to get back on their feet. we're gonna focus on wilbur for now because i think he'd be the pov character. wilbur goes Through It, goes to several rounds of intense therapy, maybe gets hospitalized because he is not doing well.

but he gets better. it's hard fucking work but he gets better!! he has his family (sbi <3) and they support him while he gets back on his feet. he even manages to graduate, albeit a few years late.

he works a couple shitty odd jobs for a while, but eventually he beefs up his resume and skills enough to go to

so years later (they dated in like college, they're both easily late 20s now), wilbur applies for a job. probably a smaller workplace, but it pays well, and he's gotten a lot better with talking to people without making them hate him (he's autistic to Me). and he gets it, he's super excited because he needs this job, he walks in on his first day hoping for a good, fresh start, and-

well. quackity is there. and quackity is like "what the FUCK are you doing here".

their boss has to come in and ask them if they can be professional about this, because quackity got mad and lowkey started some shit (something very unlike him). wilbur got defensive and it nearly escalated before their boss came in.

so they part ways and just. avoid each other for as long as possible. weeks, maybe months. it's awkward, but they manage. and then wilbur goes out back for a smoke break and quackity is in the spot he's found (smoking, of course). it's awkward and quiet but eventually they start to chat a little.

quackity, it turns out, has been working there for a couple years straight out of college, so to see his college ex who he REALLY hates walk in shook him to his core. he apologizes for his outburst and wilbur apologizes as well. they're both a little shocked at each other.

either way, they chat a little bit, trade pleasantries, and then quackity goes back inside, leaving wilbur to his thoughts for a couple more minutes.

quackity is pretty high up in the office, having worked there for so long. he's maybe second or third in command, in terms of stuff, but his work and wilbur's don't really overlap that much, so they don't have to interact.

but they start to interact a little. and little by little they tentatively begin to repair the relationship to a professional level.

and then they start getting on each other's nerves in a completely different way. they start to annoy each other like friends again.

months into this, they start teasing each other. they do little shit to annoy one another. they're not where they were before, but they

the coworkers all go out to a bar, just for fun, one friday night - it's been a big week and everyone is relieved it's over. quackity and wilbur end up sat next to each other later on in the night but can't bring themselves to give a shit, and they start chatting at a level they haven't in years. actually talking.

eventually quackity gets a little too drunk and wilbur has to call him an uber. while waiting on the curb for the car to show up, quackity leans over and dozes off on wilbur's shoulder. cue internal crisis. screaming crying etc. but he still sees him off and makes sure he gets home safe (he goes in the uber with him and also uses it to get back to his place) (also note that he learns quackity's address from this)

now something has been unlocked. they feel like they're actually friends again (despite the nagging heartache at the back of wilbur's chest). and they're fucking annoying about it!

they'll complain about each other often, but will be quick to assure everyone there's no actual problem if asked. stupid shit. it's dumb. "i'd change your height" "that's the same thing i'd change about you" "well i'd change your fucking attitude" type shit and then they bitch about it to other people.

eventually they have another outing at another bar with the coworkers, but quackity absolutely refuses to get drunk this time. eventually everyone goes home, and wilbur, a little buzzed, asks quackity why he didn't drink. quackity just said he didn't want to do anything stupid. wilbur is like "what do you mean??" and quackity responded that he gets a bit clingy when he's drunk, hence last time, and he doesn't want to make wilbur uncomfortable now that things are good between them

and wilbur, with the courage of a slight buzz and years of pent up feelings, says there's no way in hell quackity touching him would ever make him uncomfortable. and somehow they end up at wilbur's and hook up lmao

morning after is awkward as hell but they basically agree like... it's fine, we don't have to have strings attached, it was just a one time thing because we already know we're compatible Like That. moving on.

it happens again lmao.

and again.

and again.

and they refuse to talk about it.

people start noticing that things have changed between them a little bit. the air just starts shifting.

wilbur knows he's in love with him again. but if this is the only way he can have him, he'll take it. he was gone for him again the second they said hi in that smoke spot.

okay im getting tired and losing steam so i'm gonna be quick about the rest of this

but they basically get closer and closer to crossing that thin thin line between "just having fun" and "in a relationship". the one unspoken rule is that they NEVER bring up their old relationship. but eventually wilbur does. and they talk about the time they met. and they talk about what they liked about each other. and they talked about why they failed.

the conversation dies. they go to bed. part ways. wilbur comes to the office a bit late to find out that quackity has fucking quit. he filed his two weeks.

wilbur immediately confronts him and demands to know what the hell is going on, because just yesterday he was talking about loving this job. quackity just pushes him off and starts saying it's none of wilbur's business and they're not even that close, and eventually wilbur has to storm out before he says something he regrets.

wilbur, who's having every well-managed mental issue resurface right now because of the whiplash, works like shit the entire day and goes home the second he's able to clock out and just. fucking breaks

hours later, after he's cried himself out, the anger starts. and he says to himself that he's not going to take this lying down, and he knows quackity's address, so he goes over.

oh my god it's getting too fucking long for a tumblr post. okay i will reblog with the rest.

[edai-crplpnk]

☆♡✂️ for the smell of rain please!

fic ask game

Thank you for enabling my writing procrastination.

★ what was the scene you most wanted to write in [fic]? what was the hardest scene to write?

Okay so the second question is easier haha. The whole end chapter 9/chapter 10 scenes of Kankurou and Shino talking about the interaction of internalised homophobia and sexual trauma in how he perceives Shino and their relationship literally took me 2 months to go through it was not a painless journey haha. Still now I feel pretty self-conscious about it honestly? I don't think it's bad, but it's one of those scenes where I'm like "I'm not sure if it cringes me because it's cringe, or just because it hits too close from home and I'm calling myself out, so I'm just gonna hope it's the second."

Coincidentally, it is one of the scene that I wanted to write long long before I started working on the fic, so I think it's one of the one I most wanted to write?

But the other definitely is the end of Chapter 4 with Kankurou talking about his relationship to his duty towards his village, as a Shinobi, as a member of the Kazekage clan, how he feels about the pressure to produce and heir for it, and how he's worked over time to reconcile all this with his own spiritual and cultural beliefs and also his sexuality and eventually his relationship with Shino.

For a while, I genuinely thought I'd have to break them up, it was pretty scary haha. I really really headcanon Kankurou to be someone who is very duty-driven, he's always shown being very involved in Sunan cultural practice, with the paint, the puppets, the uniform... He's the one the council first turn to in Gaara Hiden when they want a fully Sunan heir, he's in canon one of the very few to not marry or have kid and just live for his job. Idk, he strikes me as a guy who is married to his village, and after writing No Matter How Much I realised that there was no way for me to write him as hearing the council saying "We need an heir, this is serious and important for the village" and just waving it off as if it wasn't his problem to solve. He has to agree with them. And if he does, how the fuck do I make him stay with Shino?

So I meltdown around that for a couple days lmao, and it allowed me to polish both my worldbuilding around the construction of Suna's dynasty system and of Kankurou's relationship with it + it's pretty angsty to have him say all that to Shino, so I was very excited about it, and I'm very happy how it turned out!

♡ pick a fic and I’ll pick a comment that made me really happy

I have received many quality comments on this (thank you 💓) but I cannot sleep on that one person who started their first of many long comments by "Shit, that last paragraph faced me in a fighting pit, sucker punched me in the face, and gently wiped the blood off my knuckles afterwards" which is just. Wow. And also, very much what I'm trying to do, I think. Double nice that it was about Kankurou's talk with Shino's grandmother which I very deeply cherish too.

✄ what’s your editing process?

I am not a native English speaker, and I am dysorthographic, and I have ADHD. While I am somewhat confident in my writing style and choices, my spelling and ability to not forget words in every sentence and all that is pretty fucking poor, so I'm trying to have proofreading process that is in par with the challenge it's facing haha.

I usually write all in order and I don't draft in the document (although I do chat about my ideas a lot, to an extent that, to me it does work as a bit of a draft) so there's not much editing going on while I'm writing, or several layers of writing for me, and I generally do the proofreading once everything is done and then post the chapters as I'm done proofreading them.

The process goes like this:

I read the chapter (or fic if it's a one-shot). It's especially useful for long fics because it will have been a while since I've written what I'm proofreading so I can have fresh eyes on things like repetition or if who is talking or referred to is clear when you don't go into the scene already knowing what's going to happen. Sometimes it's really just a few tweaks like that, sometimes I will realise that a scene needs an additional paragraph and the change will be slightly more consequential. This part is not so much about spelling and all, it's mostly to check that I'm happy with the fic and that it's done, and so it means I can move on to fixing mistakes without having to focus on the content itself now.

I read the chapter through text-to-speech. I find that it helps with focus (especially since in Word the tts also highlights the words as it reads them) and it helps catch mistakes that you can hear, like misspelt words (scared vs scarred), missing plurals, missing thrid person -s, that sort of stuff. Also very useful for missing words, because when I know what a sentence is supposed to be I often don't notice if I have actually not written all the words down, but if it's read out loud it becomes obvious.

I pass it through a bunch of spell/grammar checks. They all catch on different things, so atm I use the Reverso app on Word, the Word check, Grammarly, and the Google Doc check. I don't work on GDoc but the grammar check is good so I copy-paste my chapters in it for that at the end. I think grammar and spelling checkers can be a bit double-edged because Grammarly for example will make a shitton of notes that are not suited for creative writing because it's just "there is a short way to say that you should use it". But granted that you speak English well enough to understand why the checker thinks you're making a mistake, you can decide whether or not it's right. (And I'm sure I'm still messing up sometimes but that's fine.)

And then like every writer I reread my fics 3 weeks after posting them and find new mistakes again and I'm mortified but that's how life goes haha.

I don't know if it counts as editing but also I always pre-plan my tags at the beginning of my doc. I find that working on tagging is a good exercise to try to summarise what a fic is about, what is important to me as a topic, what ambience I'm looking for, what readers I'm working for, etc. I don't set my all my tags before writing the fic, but I do start there a bit, and then edit my list of tags as I write and polish the content of the fic with time.

[loverockawaitsyou]

Fanfic Snippet: Eddie and Kurt run into each other at the 1992 MTV Awards

There was absolute chaos going on backstage. Among the camera crews, rushed the stagehands, publicists, security, production crew, and MTV staffers, among others. There were so many people with clipboards and a piece in their ear, shouting, and among those noises, were the incredible rumbles from the stage. It was a whirlwind of flashing lights and an obnoxious echo of music and screams.

Meanwhile, Eddie sat on the ground, slightly hidden away in a corner. Overwhelmed and nervous, he was trying to gain his composure before going on stage. He was tired, hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in days, and wouldn’t for at least another week. Every inch of his body ached from giving his all each day on tour, and even worse, his throat was soar. He prayed to someone, whoever was upstairs, that his voice wouldn’t fail him during his performance.

The stress was getting to Eddie, and he needed a moment—just one little moment before rejoining the world again. He closed his eyes.

With his head held in his hands, Eddie inhaled and exhaled deeply, attempting to tune out the loud noises of the stage, and the cacophony of voices engulfing him. He then rubbed his hands together, attempting to wring away the anxiety.

While Eddie was falling into a meditative state, he felt a playful knock on his helmet. When he came to, his eyes met a pair of ratty black sneakers and shredded jeans. There was also a smell of cigarettes that wafted into Eddie’s nose.

A drowsy voice stated, “Earth to Ed! I almost stepped on you, man. You’re a bit shorter than I remembered.”

Eddie was getting ready to curse at the guy, but when he looked up, he changed his mind when his gaze met another pair of piercing blue eyes. 

“Kurt…” Eddie said in a low voice. “Hey!”

“Hey, man. You look like you’re in the trenches! Gettin’ ready for battle?”

Eddie started to smile a bit. “Yeah.” 

“Isn’t this all a load of shit?” Kurt asked as he held his hand out. “I don’t think it means a damn thing, but we’re here anyway. I should be with my daughter.”

Eddie didn’t really know how to respond, so he just said, “Yeah. I don’t know what this all means…Trying to make sense of it all…”

Eddie paused for a moment and continued, “Hey, uh…Congrats on your daughter.”

“Thanks a lot. She keeps us busy, but I love that kid,” Kurt said as he pulled Eddie off the ground. “Sucks that we had to leave her in our trailer. When we tried to step outside, there were cameras everywhere! I told those assholes to fuck off ‘cause they were gonna make her cry. It takes forever to put fresh babies to sleep!”

As he spoke, Courtney and some of her friends were lingering not too far off. Courtney did not look as if she had given birth just a couple weeks before. Her body had been swallowed by a giant black sweater, but she was wearing a cute sheer babydoll dress underneath. She was glowing and excited about about all the hubub going on backstage. She was very vivacious, engaging everyone in conversation.

“Oh yeah, that sucks…”

“So how you been?” asked Kurt. “How’s…life?”

Eddie tried to rub his forehead, but he remembered he was wearing a helmet. 

“Uh…It’s been crazy, both a good and bad thing. You know…touring, media, we’re makin’ a new record.”

Kurt chuckled a little bit. “Cool… So I heard you’re doing that movie thing tomorrow? Sorry you got suckered into that one.”

“Yeah, we tried to say no, but Cameron’s our friend. We had to.”

“You didn’t have to. You just don’t know how to say NO. You gotta learn how to do it. We said no. Those fuckers wanted to call the movie Come as You Are. What the hell? We don’t make shit for chick flicks!”

Eddie winced. He knew Cameron’s movie wasn’t intended to be a chick flick, but he understood what Kurt was trying to say.

“Well, it’s too late to back out. Lot’s of people depending on us.”

“Keep saying YES to everything, and yeah… these bloodsuckers will take everything from you.”

Eddie looked down and whispered, “Yeah. I know.”

“Ha. Being a dad makes me feel like Yoda,” Kurt said as he ruffled his scraggly blonde bowl cut.

Eddie started to laugh. “You know what? You’re not awful Kurt,” he joked.

“You’re OK,” said Kurt. “The industry sucks ass, but I can tell you’ll stick around. Keep makin’ music. I’ll be watching—and criticizing the fuck outta you—but only ‘cause I CARE.

“According to these media hacks, we’re setting the industry on FIRE! Well… it would make me happy to see these dicks turn into a pile of crust. That means the wind will blow them away…and they’ll leave us alone.”

Eddie replied, "You keep us on our toes Mr. Cobain. Our new record will be dedicated to you...maybe."

Kurt made a silly voice and a goofy grin. Eddie smiled to himself. 

“Good to see ya man,” Kurt said. “Don’t be a stranger. Me and Courtney may drop by tomorrow, but don’t tell anyone. I'm trying not to do favors.”

Suddenly, the two men reached out for each other, for a quick embrace, which morphed into a funny little dance as music bumped in the background.

The two danced for a brief moment, albeit playfully. Kurt put his bony hands on Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie wrapped his arm around Kurt’s waist. Oddly enough, Eddie started to feel more at peace as he patted Kurt's hair. For just a few moments, all the chaos drifted away as Kurt and Eddie swayed back and forth, in their own little world. Perhaps more than any one else at the moment, they were the only people who could understand what the other was going through. 

While the pair danced, Courtney and her friends laughed, smiled, and clapped their hands. “Awww!” they all purred. 

“So precious!” yelled Courtney. 

Kurt then hugged Eddie again, excited to be in his arms, to be held by someone. Eddie once again felt at ease. However, the cameras and staffers were starting to swarm, aware that the two “rival” frontmen were interacting.

When Kurt noticed more people had their eyes on them, he let Eddie go. He then put his finger over his lips, as if to say, “Don’t tell anyone about this. The media can’t know we get along.”

Kurt and Eddie were unaware that a camera had been on them the entire time.

*****

My full length fanfic is pinned on my page! This is part of a new chapter coming out soon.

[randomidiocyncrazies]

DONE with the Octopath 2 demo, i had a great time with it! assume spoilers for everyone’s chapter 1

overall impressions

it was so fun! the Day/Night mechanic is an interesting choice, and the fact that each character has 2 path actions, dependent on time of day, opens up a lot of flexibility. I wonder if the Day/Night thing will be thematically important or be tied to lore, since from Ochette’s chapter 1 we know an apocalyptic(?) event called Night of the Scarlet Moon is coming (heck, Ochette’s two animal companions are introduced with companions to the Sun and Moon respectively.)

multiple path actions arguably have the same outcome (Partitio, Agnea, Temenos and Ochette all have path actions that basically make an NPC follow them). there are times when NPCs are only receptive to certain types of path actions, so you might have to backtrack to do something to an NPC if you didn’t have the relevant MC in your party initially? i haven’t run into this problem in the demo, but i wasn’t actively doing side-quests

slightly more specific thoughts and rankings

i only have access to everyone’s chapter 1 (and Osvald’s chapter 2), so all my opinions are based the contents of the demo only.

most wholesome route

Agnea wins this one. it’s kind of funny how low-stakes her story is, but not in a bad way? sometimes you need a gal who wants to become a star just like mama in the middle of all the angst and mysteries

most emotionally hurtful route

throne throne throne... girl had to kill her best friend who’s like a brother to her bc he’s in despair and can’t see a future where neither of them have to die... the way he hesitates to attack before committing to this fatal fight despite Throne pleading for him to not do this... they way they both have to do things that deeply hurt them in order to survive...

most hurtful route/route where i died the most

i died the first time I fought Pirro as Throne, but i was constantly on the verge of dying as Agnea during the exploration stage after beating the boss and had to flee from most battles

most homoerotic route

Temenos’s route is extremely fruity (“my little wayward lamb” COME ON), followed by Castti and whatever heated drama she had going on with Malaya (who i think is Castti’s hallucination and not actually there? she disappeared in a flash at the end of chapter 1......)

favorite character to play as

Ochette!!!! i love the beast lore mechanic SOOOOO MUCH, exploring is fun when you’re also collecting different critters along the way

favorite plot hook

Castti’s, followed by Temenos’s—I like mysteries, even though I’m not great at solving them. both of these routes also used gameplay segments creatively, which was cool af

favorite character theme

oooo they’re all great, but I’m gonna go with Agnea! i love fiddles okay

favorite location/region theme

hmmm it’s a toss up between Ochette and Hikari’s starting territories... i think Ochette’s wins out juuuuust slightly, though it might be affected by how much I enjoyed running around the island as her

favorite main character (so far)

auuugh they’re all soooo good??? all very compelling in a specific way

that said, my favorite female character is Castti—love a woman with a mysterious past and a big fuckoff axe, and her voicelines are INCREDIBLE. “no mercy, only pain” and “i know no cure for evil” lives in my head rent free. i’m also really attached to characters who have to relearn who they are with fresh eyes, making a decision about whether they want to keep being that person and where they’ll go next—I’m really excited to learn more about her past, and how she has to confront the possibility that she might’ve had a hand in unleashing something devastating on the populace (though my guess is that she had never been evil, and Eir’s Apothecaries had been framed by the true arc villain and/or misunderstood by the general populace).

favorite male character is probably Temenos? I really like the concept they went with for his character, being a man of the cloth who is extremely irreverent but still dedicated to the ideals of his religion, and i do love me some sleuthing. he’s also kind of really ruthless in his interactions with other people—the Coerce path action and the farewell with Mindt, where he very clearly keeps her at arm’s length and lies to her—which is an interesting trait to give to the cleric character. (Mindt totally notices that Temenos is putting up a wall between them, though I also think she’s kind of a busybody—like chill out lady, i was just chatting with the pontiff, we’re not discussing state secrets.)

favorite temporary party member (so far)

Crick the little wayward lamb without a doubt!!! i’ll give my whole heart for earnest naive knights who are in over their heads, who strives to do good wholeheartedly and holds themselves to a standard that they aren’t quite capable of reaching yet, who has their expectations challenged immediately upon their first real assignment as a member of the organization they’ve pledged themselves to...!!! his “Naive Newcomer & Sly Cynic” dynamic with Temenos is really fun

(Rai Mei comes very close though! woman with a giant polearm who calls herself a weapon to be used in someone else’s hands? instant hearteyes)

most shady NPC (not counting the ones outright stated to be villains)

lol it’s a toss-up between Deputy Cubaryi in Temenos’s chapter and Cohatzen(? the human leader) in Ochette’s. I’m like 90% certain that they’ll both be revealed as villains in due time

like, Cubaryi’s hostility is partially explained by the interdepartmental tensions between the Inquisitors and the Scared Guard, but it seems more sinister than just that, considering the timing of her introduction. and the human leader might’ve intentionally orchestrated things so that the magic lion who protects Ochette’s tribe would be weakened in the fight, making it easier for her to take over the beastlings’ village

this is all just speculation though (and i don’t want to be spoiled)

[recurring-polynya]

Do I mind if I ask how you approach writing longer fic? I've always struggled to write anything more than maybe two chapters long and I'm curious if you have a particular method to how you approach such stories.

Thank you so much for this ask! I absolutely love it when people ask me for writing advice because it makes me feel like a Smart Person Who Knows Things.

Before we start, here is one grain of salt to take all of this with: I have a naturally long-form brain. It is very hard for me to write something less than 1k. Short fiction is great, and there is nothing wrong with sticking to short things if that's what your brain likes to do.

So. You have decided to write a story. This is going to focus on "stories". Some people write fic that's more freeform or whatever, I am not going to cover that. What I mean by a story is this:

It starts

Some stuff happens

It ends

It is highly probable that your story contains a change of state, which could be that a villain is defeated, or a goal is reached, but it could also be that character falls in love with another, or someone learns to like broccoli.

I like to start out by completing the sentence, "This is a story where _______". This is basically like coming up with a summary for an ao3 post, except that it doesn't need to be catchy. Lots of different kinds of things could go in that blank! It could literally be what happens: This is a story where Ichigo goes back in time and punches young Aizen in the nose. It could be about what you want to explore: This is a story where Hitsugaya gets a better understanding of his zanpakutou. It could be about the vibe you want to achieve: This is an AU where everyone is in a punk rock band and has cool hair and outfits. The idea of this is to clearly define what you, the author, is interested in writing. Make sure it feels right! Maybe you pick the first one, but when you say it out loud, you say, "You know, I really just want Ichigo to go back in time so he can horse around with young Renji and Rukia and punching Aizen in the nose is just an excuse for that." That may sound dumb, but it's fine, actually! Most people don't read stories strictly for the plot, they read stories for the implications of those plots! Will my favorite two characters kiss? Will there be funny interactions between these two groups of characters? Will there be sick fights? Stories are excuses to have scenes. Sometimes, you will have a story where the interesting sequence of events is the draw, but the point is to know what you're about.

Once you feel happy with your "mission statement", you need to decide the bounds of your story: where it starts and where it ends. It may be easier to start with the end. In some cases, it may be obvious from your mission statement: everyone gets home, a villain is defeated, Kenpachi realizes the meaning of friendship. On the other hand, let's look at that punk rock AU. You've picked a vibe, but you don't really have a natural story arc. It has to have a destination, though, otherwise, it's not really a story, it's a recipe for 3 chapters of an abandoned fanfic. So brainstorm a little: Maybe they get a record deal? Maybe they win a Battle of the Bands? Maybe Byakuya accepts that the band is actually good and tells Rukia he is proud of her. Do not settle for a plot just because it works. Pick something that makes you excited! You're the one who is gonna have to write it!

I said that we needed to pick a beginning point, too, but I'm actually going to skip that for now. The next thing I do is think of all the Big Scenes I want to write, the ones you are hype to write, the ones that pop in your head as you think about the premise. Make a bullet list. They don't need to be in order. The descriptions don't need to be super detailed, but write down anything about it that is important to you. If there's a mood or a snippet of dialogue or a joke you want to make, go ahead and jot that down so you don't forget it later. What you're doing now is putting broad blotches of color on a canvas, filling in space and leaving the detail for later.

Once you are pretty happy with what you have down, try to arrange it in chronological order. Put your end at the end (if it wasn't one of your big scenes, add it now). The next task is figuring out how to traverse your scenes. You've already picked out where you want to spend the majority of your energy. The rest, I regret to tell you, is your slog writing. Now, it often happens that you will find joy in some of these scenes and your best writing may occur there, but that's serendipity. These are the scenes that you are gonna have to make yourself sit down and write, so you honestly want to limit them to just the ones you need.

So how do we do this? Look at the first thing on the list. Can you start there? If so, congrats, that's your beginning. If you can't, what needs to happen to get to there? Where can you start so that you can get to your first fun scene as soon as possible? There. That’s it. You’ve picked your beginning, good job! Now, go through the rest of your list, and add in things that must happen, even if you don’t particularly look forward to writing them. The characters need to travel from geographic point A to point B. Shuuhei needs to say something that Izuru hears and misinterprets. The Central 46 makes a new law. If you have a good idea of how these things happen, go ahead and write them down, but it’s okay if you don’t know yet. Fill in all the blanks so that if you think of each bullet list as a scene, you could read it as a story, start to end. Once you get writing, you might add more scenes, or move things around or whatever, but you should have a thing that functions as a story.

If you struggle with this, an alternative is a story with a very strong structure that is going to guide you though what you have to write.Here are two examples from my own stories Hold On, Hold On (which is only one chapter, but the principle is the same) is structured around the 5 stages of grief. Not Broken, Just Bent takes place over roughly a week, and I just decided what happened every day of the week. See You on the Other Side takes place in the middle of a bunch of canon events, which worked at mile markers.

Congratulations. You’ve just made a rough outline!

Special note for avoiding burnout!: I am a slogger. I will drag myself through the broken glass of an interminable plot to get to a single thirsty scene. That's why, at this stage, I try to look at the ratio of what I want to write to what I must write. It's gonna vary for everyone, but this is a hobby, and if looking at this proto-outline makes you feel deeply tired, maybe this isn't a good story to be devoting your time to! Can you carve it down? Can you chuck two scenes you really want to write and get rid of 80% of the slog? Or maybe you can't! In that case, just write that thirsty scene as a standalone drabble! Or just go work on something else! Maybe in the future, this one will come back to you and you’ll have a fresh idea or a renewed enthusiasm for it.

Another thing I sometimes like to do at this point is to write out some notes about my characters and their motivations and moods. Character A is homesick. Character B is so determined to defeat the enemy that they are having a hard time being sympathetic to Character A. Character C cares for both A and B and is trying to support them both. This is sort of background info that you want to keep in your head as you are writing. Depending on the type of story you are writing, this might actually be the main plot, or it might be happening subtly, but adding to the emotional impact of the story. It’s very easy for me to write these sorts of emotional arcs, but if you struggle with that, you may wish to go ahead and made a more detailed outline for that, too.

Now, it’s time to start writing! I am great at beginnings-- it is very often the case for me that the opening scene was one of my Big Tentpole Scenes. (Before you hate me too much, I make up for this by being double horrible at endings; just let me have this) Usually, I will start at the beginning and write linearly for as long as I can until I get stuck. Then, I will look forward on my outline and do the next chronological scene that I feel like writing. In general, if I sit down to write and there is something I have an urge to write, that trumps everything else. Inspiration is a precious commodity, and you should embrace it when it hits! You can slog any day. I will occasionally hold off writing a scene that I really want to, because I am saving it, like a prize for myself for getting that far. This is a very personal process of figuring out what motivates your brain and then giving your brain what it needs to be its most productive.

Eventually, you will run out of things you are excited to write, but the good news is, you’ve got a bunch of story now! Odds are that what’s left is going to be a lot of those connective tissue scenes, and you’re just going to have to do them, except that now, because you’re connecting two concrete points instead of two abstract points, it will be a lot easier. You can continue running jokes you’ve started. Maybe you invented a cafe in an earlier scene where your characters hang out and you can have them return there. Try to think of ways to make these scenes more fun, both for yourself to write and for your reader to read. 

Around this time, I like to start refining that rough strokes outline into what I will call an “as-built” outline. (This is an engineering term where you update your plans or models for something to reflect any changes that had to be made along the way). This is a great activity to do at times when you feel like you have writers block. I write down every scene I have written as a 2-3 word blurb, in order. I break the scenes into what I think makes logical chapters, and I will do a word count on those prospective chapters and write it down. As you do this, you will realize that maybe you can move a scene from here to there, which will make it 1000% easier to write. Things may be happening too much, or you’ve got the characters eating three times in the same chapter. If you have subplots and dangling threads, this is where you make sure they get closure. I know this sounds very headache-y, but you are so far along in the story at this point that it’s really not-- it’s a way to look at the problems you have left. Use some sort of formatting (I like to bold things I haven’t done and sometimes I put them in red) and it gives you a very visual to-do list.

You specifically mentioned multi-chapter fanfics and I admit that I don’t tend to think in chapters, I tend to think of the story as a whole and just break it up where it feels natural. The as-built outlining I described is very helpful in making sure that my chapters feel balanced. They don’t necessarily need to be the same length, but I like them to have the same amount of stuff in them. One chapter may basically contain one long scene, and other may contain many short ones. I don’t tend to, but you can certainly have a fanfic that varies between short and long chapters, that can actually be an interesting effect. But like I said, I always like to know what I am doing, and so having it mapped out, you can say “welp, this is what I’ve done, how do I feel about that?”

Polynya, you may be saying at this point, do you write the whole fanfic before you post any of it? and I regret to inform you, the answer is yes. A lot of people write as they go, and I have made one attempt at this and I didn’t like it. I don’t like locking myself in, I just need to be able write out of order and go back and change things. Here is the story of a little in love: someone gave me an AU prompt and I got mildly obsessed with it, and wrote 5 snapshots drabbles in that universe, ending with a slight cliffhanger ending. I probably should have stopped there, but I decided to keep going. I wrote out an outline of 5 acts where the first act was detailed to the degree of each chapter being specified. The chapters here were much smaller than I usually make chapters: 1-2k. I wrote act i and ii and it was actually great, and then I hit act iii which required a lot of set up for misunderstandings and a mini romance arc. I couldn’t wing it, but nor could I figure it all out with outlining. I write dialogue in almost sort of an improv “Yes, and...?” style, so until I do it, I don’t know what’s going to happen. So, what I did was treat the second half of act iii as a complete story in the process I describe above, wrote the entire rest of it, and then posted it. One might notice that the chapter lengths grew to 3-5k each. I have two more acts to go, and I haven’t decided how I am going to do them yet, but I suspect I will treat each of them as their own mini-stories.

(I will admit that in Heart is a Muscle, I tend toward chapters that are about 10k long, and this is honestly too long, someone should smack me. If you like punchy chapters, 1-2k is good. I think 3-6k is probably an ideal chapter length. Is this how long the chapters are in my latest fanfic? Absolutely not.)

Okay, so there’s one more step, which is quality control. I am habitual re-reader-- I read my fanfics-in-progress over and over and over while I am working on them. I understand that not everyone does this, but I am usually the primary audience for my own writing, and this is the actual fun part for me. Nevertheless, you should re-read your work at least once, to make sure it hangs together.

This is purely optional, but I recommend it: get a writing friend (if you don’t like re-reading your work, I recommend this even more strongly). If you can get a full-service beta reader, that’s great, but if you can’t find someone, or if receiving that level of critique stresses you out, it’s perfectly valid to just find a friend who will read your stuff and a) shower you with compliments, b) reassure you about parts you aren’t sure about (or suggest ways to help) and c) point out any huge problems you missed. When I am writing a long fanfic, it is a huge motivational factor for me to be able to send my beta chapters as I finish them. If you are already an established writer, and you have people who consistently comment on your fic, they might be overjoyed to get a sneak peak at your work.

And that’s it! That’s the way I do it, anyway! Some people are able to sit down and write a very detailed outline and the write it start-to-finish. Good for them, I say! I have tried this and it doesn’t work great for me. I will admit that some of my fics (especially my early ones) I just sat down and banged out whole-cloth like an insane person and they are generally better than the ones I actually plan out, but that’s not a reproducible process.

As one final mechanical note, I usually write in Google Docs, which I can access on multiple devices (I used to write a lot on my phone), has convenient sharing functionality, and I use the ao3 html formatting script add-in. I generally have two documents for a single story-- one is the outline, and any other notes I want to have handy. I’ll usually put a trashcan space at the bottom for scenes that got cut but I don’t want to lose. The other is the fanfic itself.

I hope this is helpful! Please feel free to follow up with other questions and good luck with your writing!

[some-kindofgnome]

you turn me on (i’m a radio)

bokuto comes over one night midweek while you’ve got the apartment to yourself. after a mishap with his favourite volleyball shorts, you take advantage of the privacy.

c: koutarou bokuto x reader

wc: 5.4k

tags: smut (18+ please!), college au, aged-up characters, oral sex (both receiving), praise kink, begging, soft and sloppy sex feat. bo the horny simp giving u the creampie of ur life, body worship if u squint

notes: bo has a fat ass and I have a praise kink. that is all. oh, wait, i should also mention that this is mostly unedited. so if u see typos feel free to point em out! thx 💕

the song this bit is named after is so sweet and sunny & makes me think of bo all the time, so give it a listen if you’d care to! ☀️

ALSO forgot to mention that this was inspired by a tiktok i saw like a million years ago where this girl was helping her boyfriend get out of his too-small rugby shorts. it has been lost to the ether but you better BELIEVE if i ever find it again i’ll be linking it here

EDIT: @karikarasuno​ the absolute ANGEL has scoured the internet and found the tiktok in question.  p l e a s e go and watch it, u will not regret 😌

(MASTERLIST)

“’Kay, okay, I’m going!”

Bokuto tears himself from the tender press of your mouth in one fell swoop. As he whirls away with a tempted giggle, he combs his fingers through his mussed-and-sweaty hair. Practice was only two hours tonight, but he still doesn’t want to leave your side even long enough to shower.

You’ve only been dating for a few months, still lingering in that phase of every new relationship that feels too good to last. Your emotional involvement in one another deepens by the day, but you never fight. And you have a shamefully difficult time keeping yourself away from him. On a weeknight like this with no big assignments to speak of, you should be catching up on your readings, your chores, or even your sleep. But when you passed Bo in the quad earlier, pausing in your walk to class for a hi and a kiss, you’d invited him over before you could even stop yourself.

He’s nice to be around. Pleasant, unhindering. Even if you wanted to finish some readings or do some laundry while he’s over, he’s happy to be idle in your company. He is infuriatingly patient and understanding sometimes, compared to the slew of demanding, needy boyfriends that came before him.  

You watch him retreat into the safety of your bedroom, grinning like a fool. He’s fresh out of practice and practically dripping in sweat, dried from the walk you shared from the athletic center. Your evening class that night wrapped up around the same time as his practice, and when you passed the gym doors on your way home, he was already loitering on the steps with his teammates. Instead of pretending he didn’t see you or offering you a casual, passing nod like you expected, he practically bounded down the wide concrete steps and introduced you gleefully to the pack of volleyball players behind him who already knew you well.

There was no way you were letting him go all the way home to shower first. Not when he’s never minded smelling like your orange-and-sandalwood shower gel in the first place.

Once he’s disappeared, you give a yawn and a deep stretch and haul ass off the couch, padding into the kitchen to tidy up the snacks you shared on the way in the door.

You’ve barely got the first plates in the sink before a muffled babe? from the bedroom gives you pause.

“Bo?” You call back, setting your handful down and trying to keep your brow from furrowing too deeply. “You okay?”

“Can you… um…” His response starts off strong, louder than before, but it dwindles into a dull, unintelligible mutter that sounds uncertain enough to send you away from the kitchen.

You gently shoulder the bedroom door open, frowning at his broad shape, silhouetted in the shadowy bathroom doorway from the light behind him. “What’s the matter?”

Feeling along the wall for the light switch, you illuminate the pot lights over your bed.

Bokuto’s cheeks are gently flushed as he waddles toward you with his thumbs dug into the waistband of his volleyball shorts. The fabric is tough and certainly seems clingy, but there’s a strain in his neck and shoulders that takes you a minute to pin down.

“I can’t…” he starts to say, trailing off, then pulls his hands out of his shorts and drops them to his side with a heavy, defeated sigh.

“They’re stuck.”

You force the corners of your mouth downward, tightening the line of your mouth to keep the mirth locked firmly in your throat.

“I can see that.”

He’s been hitting the gym hard lately, shoving down the calories to try and bulk up a little for the upcoming tournament season. And while you know he’s been putting on some weight, since he tells you just about everything, it never occurred to you that he might be bulking up quick enough to outgrow his favourite shorts.

Bo lets out a quiet little whine, digging a thumb into the waistband one more time and prompting you to step forward.

“How stuck are you?” You reach for him. He turns sideways, twisting his chin over one shoulder to try and assess the situation from every plausible angle.

Oh. You slap a hand to your mouth.

The waistband is rolled down around his hips and already strained to its absolute limit, stuck on the sharp swell of his butt and already compressing the flesh in a way that looks genuinely painful. He’s wearing a pair of tight white compression shorts underneath the uniform shorts in question, but they’re not doing much to aid the situation, either.

You’re eager to get him out of those shorts for several reasons now.

“Alright.” You try to keep your voice low, stepping up to his front and gently laying your hands on the stiff cotton roll at his hips. “Let me just-“

“I don’t know what happened,” he whines, slotting his hands on top of yours and squirming in between them. “They were hard to get on, but-“

“Don’t worry,” you interrupted softly. “We’ll get them off you one way or another.”

The fearful reflection of your sharpest kitchen scissors in his eyes suggests that he believes you.

Your first two attempts are about as successful as Bokuto’s solo endeavours. First, you wedge your hands into the fabric at his sides while he pushes from the front and back, but you give a hard shove while he lets up on the tension and his elbow very nearly connects with your nose, so you try a different approach.

Coming round to his backside, you dig your hands into the space between his uniform shorts and the tight spandex that holds what’s left of his modesty.

“Okay,” you pant, already a little breathless after dodging Bokuto’s flying elbows. “What if I-“

“Hang on,” he prompts, but it’s too late. You wind up and jump as hard as you can, using the downward force generated to try and shove the confining waistband down over his hips. It slides down another couple of inches, and inspiration flares in your chest as Bokuto turns over one shoulder, sweating.

“It’s working!” Your voice comes shrill with excitement, and before he can stop you you’re jumping again, shoving even harder this time. You meet resistance this time, and before you can clue in to what’s pushing back Bokuto howls in pain and doubles over, clasping his palms between his thighs.

“Oh, fuck, baby, I’m sorry.” You drop to one knee beside him as he descends into pained laughter.

“’S alright,” he promises, “I didn’t want kids that bad, anyway.”

You can’t help the snort that bubbles forward from your chest. Bo straightens slowly as his pain fades, but you stay on your knees, determined to get him undressed without resorting to textile violence.

Determination settles heavy and proud across your shoulders. You look up through your brows at him and when your eyes meet, his cheeks pink softly.

“We got this.”

Bokuto’s throat bobs. He nods shallowly and pulls his lower lip between his teeth.

You slip your hands into his shorts again, rolling them slowly down his thighs. Bokuto averts his eyes, letting out another audible gulp. Just when you’re starting to get somewhere, his hips twitch and he shifts his weight restlessly from one leg to the other.

“Stand still,” you scold, giving his hip a little slap. His breath hitches, hands flinching forward as he dips his torso backward.

“Um,” he pants. When you look up at him again, his neck and ears are bright red and he’s got his eyes trained firmly on the Star Wars poster hanging above your desk.

You level your gaze and realize two things.

1) Bokuto’s not wearing anything under his white compression shorts.

2) Apparently, your little scare wasn’t nearly as painful for him as he let on.

“Babe,” you tease. “I’m flattered, really.”

“C’mon!” He protests, scraping his fingers through the wild strands of his sweat-clumped hair. “What’d you think was gonna happen if you got down there all…”

“All what?” You lean forward without thinking, nuzzling the spandex that sits in the groove between his hip and his thigh. He groans deeply, letting his head fall back. His cock, thickening at the base, is still restrained tightly by the waistband of his shorts. You can practically see it throb into its confines, and his groan pinches tight with discomfort.

“Baby, please.” He’s wound his hands tightly in the front of his t-shirt by now, rucking it up over his belly for some way to dispel the tension. “Get ‘em off. Please.”

“You’re not exactly making it easier.”

A desperate whine from over your head suggests that maybe the time for jokes is passing. You abandon all coyness and tuck your hand under the weight of his balls, gently tugging down on the waistband and freeing all of him from its confining pressure. Bokuto gasps and lets his hips swing forward, but his dick swells quickly to fill its new, spandex restraint and you figure you’d better work quickly.

“God, this is really turning you on, isn’t it?” You can’t help the eagerness in your tone as you attack the swell of his hips one last time. With all his sensitive parts in the clear you don’t have to hold back, wedging and wrenching until the widest part of his pelvis is free and the shorts drop to the floor with a soft little triumphant rustle.

Bokuto groans like he’d just been strapped to a time bomb, stepping out of the fabric and kicking it towards the door. He drops the hem of his shirt and reaches for you, but you’re already leaning in to nose against the crook of his thigh some more, peeling down the stretchy, forgiving top of his compression shorts.

“Wh- babe.” He flushes. “I haven’t showered-“

“Don’t care,” you hum, entranced by the hypnotic length of his shaft, white spandex stretched sheer and dabbed with wet at the tip. “Want to taste you.”

“Are you s- oh, you’re sure.” His hands surge forward, this time soothing lovingly over the crown of your head as you tug the stretchy fabric down to his knees. His cock bobs eagerly against one thigh, unaffected by its confining endeavour, and you lean in and seal your mouth against the seam of his groin, where his shaft meets his body.

He is bulky and broad, thick cords of muscle and fat spanning his thighs and torso. His thighs and pelvis are dusted all over with wiry silver hair, and you bury your nose into the trimmed patch of it over his cock, licking eagerly at his soft skin.

Above you, Bokuto shudders hard enough to buckle his knees while you trace your hand up the stiff length of him. You’re trying your best to hide just how deeply you want to breathe him in, the addicting musk of his sweat filling your brain and sending deep throbs of arousal straight to your pussy.

“So hard,” you groan into his hip, “just from letting me get on my knees for you?”  

He draws a sharp breath through his teeth, squeezing at the back of your head as his eyelashes flutter. His face is beet red from nose to hairline now.

“W-well, what else was I s’posed to- with you lookin’…” He is borderline incoherent, and you haven’t even put your mouth on him yet.

Adorable.

“You smell so good,” you murmur without thinking, flicking your eyes to his quickly when you realize what you’ve said. But it only serves to push his own arousal further, cock throbbing palpably between your fingers as he curses quietly through his teeth.

“Please,” he groans, letting his head roll back. “Don’t tease.”

You can’t deny a request as pleasantly worded as that.

After planting one more teasing kiss along the plane of his shaft, you draw back to his tip and give your tongue an enthusiastic flick, dipping it into his weeping slit. He yelps, and you swallow him down before he can ride out the shock, making him shiver. You can feel the tremor racking all the way down the column of his spine, his toes curling on the floor by your knees.

When you start to bob your head, his jaw goes completely slack. You’re learning to love the way he doesn’t hold back with you, a point made obvious by the expressions crossing his face as you settle into a steady rhythm. You can’t fit his entire length- impressive, not that he knows it- into your throat, but when you grip the base of his shaft with one hand and the spit from your throat drips eagerly between your fingers, he practically goes cross-eyed.

You fight the urge to smile around him, leaning into the way he fusses and grips at your skull.

“Nggh, babe, not gonna last long… when… suckin’ like that.” He’s grabbing your head with both hands, rocking his hips tightly forward in time with your gaudy slurping. You’re drooling all over your hand, spit dripping obscenely down your chin and onto the hardwood, but his whimpers are growing to obscene levels, punctuated by deep, chesty growls and quiet, slurred praise.

There’s no way you’re going to back off now.

You’ve been with Bo long enough to know his tells, so when his thighs start twitching and his voice pitches from his chest into his throat, you re-double your efforts, intensifying his pleasure until he’s howling and panting like a beast, rocking tightly into your mouth with his abs drawn tight as a bow.

“Ohhh, babe, lemme cum on your tits,” he pleads, slurring every syllable together as he looks down at you with unimaginable bliss mounting in his gaze. “Please, please, please, your tits, lemme cum on ‘em.”

With a smirk touching one corner of your mouth, you drop your free hand between his thighs. Until now it had been braced delicately on his hip, gently mitigating the wild bucks and twitches of his body giving into ecstasy. But you’d picked up one little trick that never failed to boost him over the edge- and send him falling that much further as a result.

As you draw your mouth back from his twitching cock, you close your free hand around the heavy sack of his balls- drawn up tight to his thighs in preparation for his orgasm- and give the supple skin a gentle little tug while you arch your back and jerk him off against the swell of your chest.

Bo’s voice shoots up a twelve-tone as his hands slide from your hair to your cheeks. His fingers tremble as he cups your face, throwing his head back with a wild yowl and wildly humping your fist. The first long spurt of his cum hits you square in the throat, dripping down between your collarbones and soaking the neckline of your tank top as he rides out the powerful waves of his climax. By the time it’s over, his thighs are shaking hard, tough lines of muscle standing out against the silver hair while his cock dribbles ripe streams right down your shirt.

He deflates with a heavy, heady sigh, falling to one knee in front of you and keeping your face gathered between his palms.

“Fuck, you’re so sexy,” he moans, leaning in to capture your mouth and dip his tongue sloppily against yours. As soon as he’s found your lips he skates his hands down your shoulders to your breasts, lovingly cupping and thumbing the tightening buds of your nipples where thick shots of his cum are soaking into the white cotton. You can’t help the shaky little sigh that catches at the back of your throat, or the aching way you lean into his touch.

“G’nna-“ he cuts himself off, dipping his face into your throat. He licks into the tender column of your windpipe, bringing one big palm to the back of your neck to hold your head steady while he tucks his chin in and tastes the wet stripes of his cum that paint your décolletage. You’re not exactly sure what to expect, but the long, wet groan he lets into your chest is a pleasant surprise. He slides his hands from your neck to your shoulders to your sides and up the plane of your back, drawing you closer while he laps the mess from your collarbones and neckline.

“C’mon,” he mumbles into the swell of your left breast. “Gotta taste all of you.”

He slips his arms underneath you, lifting you with little more than a quiet grunt of effort as he gets to his feet. He holds you lovingly against his chest, striding slowly across the room and depositing you onto the bed with a smooth little bounce.

You hardly have the space to catch your breath before he braces a knee on the mattress beside you and leans down for another taste of your lips, kissing you slow and loving and skating a palm down your front. He slips his fingers into the waistband of your leggings, slipping his fingertips across your clit and making you yelp. Chuckling into your mouth, he dips his fingers lower and gasps.

“God,” he sighs. “Shoulda known you were holding out on me.” He sinks his middle finger into your clingy depths while he catches your mouth under his one more time. You’ve been unable to form coherent thoughts, let alone words, pinned sensuously under his touch, but as he curls his fingers against the restrictive insides of your leggings, you whine deep and slow into his mouth, arching your back to push your hips into his touch.

He doesn’t linger, drawing his hand from you and curling it in the waistband of your leggings instead. You’re slipping your fingers under the hem of your soiled tank top, pulling it up to expose the bare swell of your breasts.

“Let me?” He poses it like a question, pulling your leggings and underwear down and fluttering a kiss to the newly exposed skin below your belly button.

“Please,” you pant, already planting your feet in the fluffy sheets to lift your hips and help him undress you.

He pulls your leggings and underwear down over your hips in one smooth motion, pulling just a little harder than necessary to make you gasp and giggle. Your ass lands on the mattress all at once, punctuated by another handful of mirth that you can’t keep contained.

Bo’s grinning down at you as he balls up your clothes and tosses them toward the hamper like a mid-court basket shot. He doesn’t wait to find out if they made it, though, settling himself between your knees and gathering your hips into his arms.

“So soft,” he purrs, kissing the velvet skin of your tummy.

“Bo,” you whine. It’s your turn in the hot seat, and now the idea of teasing isn’t half as appealing as it was when you were on your knees.

“What? You don’t want me to take my time with you?”

You groan, letting your head flop back against the pillows as your eyes slip shut. Now that he’s got you bare, with his breath puffing hot and wanting over your tender skin, it’s hard to focus on anything but what you want.

“Don’t be mean,” you whine, but the hot press of his tongue on your inner thigh shuts you up fast. He moans low and rumbly against the damp of your skin, sinking his teeth gently into the fat of your thigh and giving a noisy suck.

“You’re so ready for it,” he muses, eyes darting sideways to admire your weeping slit. The buzz of his voice shoots right down the column of your spine, vibrating pleasantly at the base of your tailbone and sending goosebumps racing up your torso.

“Man,” Bo sighs, planting one hand on each thigh and pushing them apart. “You must really like suckin’ me off, huh?”

“I swear,” you grit. “I’m never touching your dick again if you don’t-“

He doesn’t waste another minute, leaning down and sealing his mouth greedily over your slit. The payoff is there for both of you, if the sound he makes when he dips his tongue between your folds is anything to go by.

The relief comes on swift wings as soon as he lets his tongue wander, stoking the fire that had been burning dangerously low and hot in your gut. Your thighs twitch in toward his ears while he tastes your messy slit, but his palms are as strong as shackles, keeping you open and vulnerable for him.

Bo prods his tongue forward, pressing inward as far as he can with a tiny little strained groan of effort. You cry out and clamp down around his tongue like a vice, a reaction he feels so vividly it makes him whip back from your body with a laugh.

“Don’t stopppp,” you plead, but his face is already disappearing between your thighs again, and you wrap your fingers in the hem of your tank top while he re-focuses his efforts on your swollen clit. He’s pressing his hips forward in a slow tempo that matches the patterns he tongues between your thighs, softly humping the mattress in time with your pleasure.

You’re sensitive and ready for him, stomach tightening smoothly when he settles into a rhythm. His technique is sloppy but he makes up for it in eagerness, pausing only to take deep breaths through his nose. He smiles into your skin and you can feel the way his mouth twitches against you, making you arch your back and slide one hand between your legs to rake through the silvery strands of his mussed hair. He grunts hard against your clit and you jump, giving him the chance to slip his hands under your thighs and hook them over his shoulders.

When he swallows you down this time, there’s something in the changed angle that drives pleasure straight down your back, letting it reverberate all the way into your toes. You flinch hard between his hands, and as he settles back into his messy, enthusiastic rhythm, you feel the telltale twinges of your building climax.

“Bo-“ you choke on his name.

He flicks his gaze to yours and his eyes flash, bright and golden. He knows your tells, too, and he sinks his fingers into the fat of your thighs, re-doubling his efforts and sucking a languid rhythm into your needy clit.

“Fuck,” you sputter. “Fuck, f-fuck, I-ah-“

Your mouth drops open, but the scream dies in your throat as white-hot pleasure bursts through your veins. Bokuto is heartbreakingly persistent, keeping up his ministrations while you claw at his hair and clamp your thighs down around his temples and ride the waves of your orgasm as gracefully as possible. By the time the sharp, burning pleasure’s raked its way through you, all your limbs have gone tense, and when it’s over you collapse, sweat-soaked, to the sheets beneath you.

Bo’s trembling between your legs, and when he surfaces his cheeks and ears are maroon. His cock is still twitching against his belly, bobbing as he gets onto his knees and still weeping long streams of spend.

“Oh.” The word flies from your throat before you can trap it, and he rubs your thighs soothingly with both hands as he takes a shaky, cleansing breath.

“You’re so-“ he starts to say, but you reach for him and he’s got no choice but to dip his cheek into your palm, flushing even deeper at the open way you stare.

“C’mere,” you prompt. Bo takes the bait and flops forward, landing stomach-first on the bed beside you and pillowing his head between your slick breasts. The position ought to be comical, but the weight of him is immensely soothing, rising and falling with the even pulse of your laboured breath.

You lie that way for a long while, staring vacantly past your reflection in the dark window beside your bed. The nighttime chill radiates through the glass, cooling your heated flesh. Your body aches with the fresh sensations of climax, but you’re not ready to put your clothes on yet.

“Bo.”

“Hmm?” It never occurred to you that he might be half-asleep until he winds himself upright, blinking weighty silver lashes against his still-blushing cheeks.

Still, you know how to wake him up. The conspiratory grin that touches your mouth is completely involuntary, and it’s enough to have Bokuto cocking a tired brow.

“Can I ride your cock?”

For a moment, he doesn’t say anything at all. His eyes grow slowly bigger, focus drifting away from your face as his jaw drops. Literally.

“Bo? Baby?”

“Y- b- I… h-“ he sputters, blinking hard and shaking out his sweaty hair. He looks up at you again with an expression unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Like a kid at the zoo.

“Right now?”

You can’t hold back a snort, shoulders pitching forward. But he’s not kidding.

Neither are you.

You raise your eyebrows. “Is that a yes?”

By the time he rolls over, his cock’s already half-hard again, swelling against the strong cord of his right thigh. He sits up, scooting himself comfortably back against your bed’s stacked pillows. And when he reaches for you, you’re already rooting through the nightstand for supplies.

Bo’s a big dude, in every conceivable way. And while he’s never exactly been shy about that fact, he’s also painfully aware of the fact that with great power comes great responsibility. So when you start to warm a dollop of chilly water-based lube between your fingers, he doesn’t flinch.

“Mmmf.” He pushes his hips into your hands as you wrap them around his shaft, letting him swell into your palms while you slick him up. He’s still tender from before, and when you shift onto your knees your clit’s still tensing with leftover pleasure, but you’re buzzing with want. It hangs thick and heavy in the air between you. You’re unwilling to let it dissipate until you’re both completely satisfied.

By the time you’ve got the lube spread evenly from his base to his tip, Bo’s fully hard for you again, flushed and panting and grabbing at your hips as you scoot forward to straddle him. His impatience should probably bother you, but at this point it’s just endearing.

“Hmm, you’re so close,” you say, leaning forward to brush your lips against his. His mouth drops open as you bring his tip to your ready sex. Your pussy clamps involuntarily around the swell of his weeping head, and you’re panting into each others’ mouths as your hips sink slowly backward. The fill of him presses up into your belly, and you bottom out with a little flinch of discomfort, settling your thighs over his. He’s long enough that it actually hurts to take him in all the way like this, but you’re willing to put up with it for a minute while you get adjusted.

“Look at you.” Bokuto’s eyes rake up and down your trembling form, keeping time with his strong palms that rub soothing circles into the flesh of your hips. You shift a little, making him twitch and grunt. His thighs strain, struggling to keep from bucking upward against your tender cervix.

He lets out a deep, shaky sigh through pursed lips. “You’re so f-fucking perfect, you know that?”

You’re concentrating on tucking your knees underneath you for proper leverage, but he never fails to make you smile.

“I haven’t even started moving yet,” you breathe, bracing one hand on his shoulder. Once you’re stabilized, you lift your hips slowly forward, letting the thickness of him pull slowly from your slick depths. Bokuto’s head falls back against the pillows, beet red with exertion already.

“God,” he groans, bringing one hand around to your ass. “More, baby.”

You swallow hard, grip his hips tightly between your knees, and swirl your hips in a careful, tight little circle. It’s a subtle movement from the outside, but where you’re joined it rubs the thick ridge of his tip along all your tenderest nerve endings, sending powerful surges of pleasure vibrating into your chest.

Bokuto’s feeling it, too, the hard angles of his jaw standing out as he clenches his teeth. His silvery lashes rest heavily over his flushed cheeks, giving you little more than a bare peek of his dark, tawny eyes with the pupils blown wide in ecstasy.

“Just like that,” he prompts when you angle your hips forward, pinning your abused clit against his pubic bone and continuing to grind greedily over his shaft. He interrupts your rhythm with a sharp little pat to your ass, making your hips jump forward and giving him an opening to lower his chin and seal his mouth in the crook of your shoulder.

“Fu-uck,” you whine, looping both arms under his and clutching tightly at his back as your rhythm grows more urgent. You know how to work yourself to the peak easily, using his powerful body and thick cock to your every advantage.

“You’re close already,” he pants in your ear. “Oh, man, I can feel it. Don’t-“ His hips jerk backward, choking him on a surge of pleasure that washes over both of you.

“Don’t hold back for me, baby. I c’n… take it, yeah, that’s it.”

The low rumble of his voice in your ear reverberates all the way down to the pit of your stomach, cocktailing with the pleasure you’re grinding out yourself, and when he grabs your ass with both hands and rocks his tip against the gooey-sweet spot on your upper wall, you’re lost.

“Bo,” you whimper, grabbing tightly at the muscles in his back as your thighs start to shake. “Fuck, oh, fuck, ohfuck-“

The peak crests quietly between you, but quickly bleeds into every limb. You’re powerless to do anything but cling to him and whine in his ear as your hips stutter and twitch and grind over his stirring cock. Just when you think the wave is subsiding, Bokuto glides his hips beneath yours again and draws it out into a tight, near-painful shudder. Your vision whites out, then flashes black as you squeeze your eyes shut and lose yourself to the pleasure.

“Fuck.” Bo’s cursing as you come back to the surface, humping shallowly into your spent body. The lube you used squelches obscenely with the handfuls of slick your climax brought forth, numbing your used insides to his desperate thrusts. “Fuck, you’re so- you’re so- ohgod, inside, I-“

He goes completely incoherent as he finds his own pleasure, shoving his hips tightly against yours. His balls draw tight beneath you, thighs twitching as thick, heady warmth fills your belly. You’re addicted to the fullness he leaves in you without fail, the mess between you when he goes slack and you draw your hips backward to let his falling erection slide out of you.

Your roommate’ll be back from the library at any second. You should be getting up and dressing yourselves, making some attempt at feigning innocence before she comes in. But the bedroom door is closed and it’s far too easy to tumble back into the haphazard embrace from before, cum collecting sticky and hot between your thighs as Bokuto buries his face between your tits.

“D’you think they’ll stretch?” he mumbles into your skin, once your pulse has finally slowed to its regular pace.

“Hmm?” In your pleasure-addled haze, you don’t follow. Bokuto lifts his face from your flesh, resting his chin gently on your sternum.

“My shorts.”

Right.

“Uh-“ You have to purse your lips hard, to keep the dumb smile from showing on them. You take a slow pass of air in through your nose and lift your fingers to comb soothingly through his sweaty hair.

“We’ll make them fit,” you promise. “Somehow.”

Before he buries his face in your chest again, you catch the pure, blissed smile that stretches his cheeks. He slips his eyes shut, nuzzling you tenderly and kissing the swell of one breast.

“Good,” he sighs. And then, bare-assed, sweaty and sticky, he falls asleep.

You spy the shorts, still lying in a crumpled heap by the bathroom door. You make a mental note to check the brand and sizing later, before he leaves.

You’ll make then fit again.

Somehow.

[cherryobx]

She'll come around

request: "Can you do a jj imagine where kie really doesn’t like you. I know you did that a bit in the kook one but I really loved that and I love to see more!!!❤️

summary: JJ introduces you to the pogues but Kie doesn't really like you.

warnings: language, angst, happy ending tho

WC: 1,7k

(Not my gif, creds to the owner!)

If you knew JJ you knew that he was never the type of guy to settle down. To be in a long-term relationship. Or even just commit. He loved to party, meet new girls and take a different one home every time. It was just who he was.

That’s all he ever knew his entire life. Why would he want to settle down and just be with one person? He had been hurt by the people closest to him. His dad, for example. Even if he didn’t admit it to himself, he didn’t want to get hurt. He didn’t want to feel any kind of pain that came with a relationship, physical neither emotional.

But when he met you, he was willing to throw all of that out of the window. He met you at one party and talked to you the whole night because you were sitting alone by the fire. You talked the whole night. JJ actually really enjoyed talking to you. You two became friends after that. Few weeks later he found out that he didn’t like when you were talking to other guys. Or even worse, when they would touch you. He realized he had fallen for you.

He told you about the way he was feeling. At first, he wanted to talk to his friends about it but then after some thinking he knew that you were the one he should be talking to. After his confession, you told him that you liked him too.

You were hesitant at first though. You were afraid that you would just be another notch on his bedpost. But as time went on, you saw that it wasn’t like that. He actually wanted to talk to you and spend time with you. You were the first person he had felt the need to cuddle with. And that already proved that he actually wanted to commit.

After dating for a few months, he asked if you wanted to meet his friends. After all they were the closest thing he had to an actual family. Hell, he really wanted you to meet them. It took him a while to convince you because you weren’t so keen on the idea.

“I don’t know, JJ…”

“I’m not asking you to become friends or start hanging out with them. I just want you to meet them. That’s all.” He took your hands in his, pressing a light kiss on both of them.

“Please, Y/N.”

So, you finally gave in. “Fine.”

Hearing that made JJ happy. Like really happy. He was bouncing around with excitement. He just couldn’t wait for you to meet his friends. His partners in crime. Literally.

The next day, he picked you up on his motorcycle and took you to John B’s house. Or as they liked to call it, the Chateau. The ride there was too short for you to prepare for what was coming. You grew more nervous with every passing second.

Before entering the chateau, you stopped JJ so you could look him in the eyes. “What if they don’t like me?”

“What’s not to like about you? You’re literally perfect, Y/N. Stop stressing.”

“But what if they hate me?”

He placed his hands on your shoulders and leaned forward a bit so he was looking straight into your eyes. “Stop it right now. You have nothing to worry about. I’m sure they’ll like you.”

“I really hope so.” Your gut was telling you that this was not going to end well. And your gut was rarely wrong. You were praying it would be one of those times. Luckily for you, your gut was only partly right.

As soon as you stepped into the chateau after JJ, everyone’s eyes were on you. You only recognized Sarah Cameron since she was pretty popular in Kildare. The others were not familiar to you, although you felt like you had seen them running around somewhere before.

“Guys, I wanted to introduce you to someone. This is Y/N, my girlfriend.” JJ then let go of your hand that he had been holding when you walked in.

“I’m gonna go get some water. Introduce yourselves to her,” JJ said.

“JJ do not leave me here-“ You tried to grab him but he was already jogging towards the kitchen, leaving you standing in the middle of the room with a few strangers.

The brunette boy with a bandana around his neck was the first one to speak up. “Hi. I’m John B.”

Then the boy next to him introduced himself as Pope. Sarah introduced herself as well. They all seemed very nice so far. You were waiting on the brunette girl to talk but she stayed quiet, sitting sideways on the couch and staring out of the window.

When his friends realized that she was not going to speak, they introduced her to you. “That is Kiara.”

You gave them all an awkward wave. You let out the breath you were holding when JJ was finally back at your side, handing you a cold bottle of water. “Thank you,” you said, taking off the lid and pouring some of the cold liquid down your throat.

“So, now he’s your personal assistant?” Kiara finally turned her head to look at you. Her eyes scanned you up and down, almost like judging you. No, she was definitely judging you.

“What?” you asked.

“He doesn’t have to do shit for you. Stop treating him like he’s nothing.”

You were actually taken aback by her words. You hadn’t even done or said anything to her. Why was she talking to you like that? It actually kind of hurt your feelings. You were not going to let her step on you like that. She had no right to talk to you like that. So, you dug up some courage and defended yourself.

“Excuse me? First of all, I didn’t even ask him to bring me the water. And second, I’m not treating him like some assistant. We’re in a relationship, we do things for each other all the time.”

Kiara stood up and walked up to you. She stopped right in front of you. She was almost to close for your comfort. Crossing her arms on her chest and leaning her weight on one of her legs, she looked straight into your eyes.

“You’re probably just using him. I know girls like you. You act all nice in the beginning and then break their heart the second you get a chance. That’s just how it is and has always been.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“So? I’m not planning on becoming friends with you. Like ever. So, you might as well get lost right now before you break JJ’s heart and leave it for us to fix. You’re no good.”

You felt so hurt and frustrated at the same time. The voice in your head said “ha, I told you so!”. You wanted to cry so badly at that moment but held back your tears. She was already mean enough, she didn’t need to see you break down. You had to stay strong.

Everyone else was just watching the interaction, holding their breath, too scared to say anything. The tension in the room was almost unbearable.

“What is your problem? I haven’t even done anything to you. Hell, I don’t even know you. Today’s the first time I’m seeing you. I came here with good intentions. I just wanted you to like me because I know how much it means to JJ. How much YOU mean to him. And you’re treating me like shit. This is so unfair. You make all these assumptions about me. None of them are true. Why are you pushing me away like that? Tell me, what have I don to you that you hate me so much?”

The room was even quieter than before your outburst. The only thing heard was the birds chirping outside and the summer breeze outside.

When Kiara said nothing, you took it as a sign and started walking towards the door. “Where are you going?” JJ ran after you.

You slammed the door in his face and started walking away from this place. JJ caught up to you though. “Y/N, stop!” He grabbed your hand and spun you so now you were facing him.

“I’m clearly not wanted there. I told you that it was going to happen.”

“It’s okay. Hey, look at me! I’m going to talk to Kie. It’ll be alright.”

“No, it will not. It’s going to be like this every fucking time I’m around her. She hates me.”

You sighed as JJ pulled you into hug. You wrapped your arms around him and rested your head on against his shoulder.

“Let me handle her. She’ll come around.”

“Okay.”

You stood there in silece for a few minutes and you were just gathering your thoughts. “Do you want me to take you home?” JJ asked, breaking the silence. You nodded.

“You wait here then. I’ll go talk to Kie and then I’ll take you.” He made his way to the chateau. So you leaned against his motorcycle and waited for him to come back.

About 15 minutes passed when you saw the door open. But JJ wasn’t coming alone. Kiara was following him close behind, eyes fixated on the ground. When they reached you, you raised an eyebrow at JJ. He just nodded towards Kiara who had just raised her head to look you in the eyes.

“I came to apologize. You were right. I had no right to talk to you like that. I’m just really protective of my friends and I didn’t want JJ to get hurt. But I realized that I can’t control their lives or prevent them from making their mistakes. I should give you a chance. You actually seem really nice. I’m deeply sorry about what I said earlier. What about a fresh start, huh?”

“Sure,” you said, giving her a small smile.

“Good, I’ll see you around then.” She waved at the both of you as she walked back to the others who were inside the house.

“I told you she’d come around,” JJ smirked.

You lightly smacked his chest with your hand before taking a helmet and putting it on. “Just take me home, smart-ass.”

"You love my ass."

"Shut up or I'm not letting you sneak into my room tonight."

"Yes ma'am."

taglist: @www-imbored-com @delightfullynlove @tomhardybby @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @ilovejjmaybank @allycat449-blog @teenwaywardasgardian @copper-boom @canibeoneofthepogues @ifilwtmfc @bedazzledbanks @jeyramarie @themaddies-obx @pink-meringues @freddymaybank @moniamaybank​ @outerbankspreferences​ @j-j-may-bank @drewstarkeysbitchh

[daydreamingsora-fics]

hi! i was wondering of u could do headcannons for how bokuto, kuroo, kita, tsukki and iwaizumi would react to their girlfriend who had really long hair for a while impulsively cutting it at her shoulders. I recently did just that after growing my hair out since the 5th grade and I like it but my mom says it looks terrible. thank you so much <3

<sora's memo> hello! I only chose three of them, I didn't put Iwaizumi and Tsukisima. But don't worry, I planned on making another part for middle blockers + aces, so I prolly would add them there! Anyways, I believe no matter what hair style you have, I think it suits you because who short hair makes you look more fresh and mature... well... for me hehehe. I hope you're doing great would enjoy this headcannon. Sorry for making you wait! have a great day!

<another memo> hi everyone sorry for not posting very often, my schedule is very hectic for the past few months. but here's a headcannons of hq captains reacting to their s/o who cut their hair short impulsively. I prolly would do part 2, so if you want to see any hq charac just sent me an ask. Stay safe everyone!

Haikyuu Captains reacting to their s/o impulsively cutting their hair short

CHARACTERS: BOKUTO KOTARO, KUROO TETSURO AND KITA SHINSUKE

BOKUTO KOTARO

you haven’t cut your hair since you entered middle school ‘til your last year in high school.

and you started dating bokuto on your second year.

bokuto already loves your long hair, he loves to touch your soft hair and loves the smell of it too. 

but when he saw you enter the gym with a short hair

the big baby was shock. 

it’s  just like yesterday when he saw you with long hair but now your long hair gone short.

the whole team too are shock when they saw you with short hair.

bokuto is excited and happy to see you with your new look.

he was about to walk towards you but his teammates went to you first.

“y/n, you cut your hair...”

“short hair looks good on you”

“I never thought you will cut your hair that short” 

the boys complimented your short hair when they saw you.

“well, I did this impulsively yesterday sooo... yeah”

you said as you reach for your shoulder length hair

“wait! I heard that when a girl cut her hair short, it means she’s moving on something right?” 

konoha asked you teasingly which make the baby owl anxious 

“konohan-san” akaashi said with a warning tone because he lowkey don’t want to deal with bokuto’s emo mode.

the third year just chuckled while their captain is now lowkey in panic because of what he heard. 

“Y/N!!!!”

“IS THAT TRUE? ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME??”

“PLEASE DON’T” 

bokuto continues to say something about you breaking up with him, while konoha chuckled and akaashi is shaking his head

“i will do-”

“bou, I am not breaking up with you”

“wait, really?”

“yes, please don’t believe on what konoha had just said”

when you said that, bokuto sigh in relief then gave you a squeeze hug

“I got scared there a little”

“yeah, a little”

you mocked him which makes him break the hug and looks at you with a pout.

“HEY!!” 

you chuckled which make bokuto’s heart pounded.

in his eyes you look even more pretty with your shoulder length hair. 

actually for him, he doesn’t care if your hair is long or short

for him you’re pretty no matter what style of your hair. 

“anyways! why didn’t you bring me with you when you decided to cut your hair!”

he pouted then crosses his arm which caught you off guard 

“uhm because you should rest” 

“awwww you love me so much, y/n”

“your hair looks good on you baby”

and the boy started to shower you compliments about your hair and you as a person. 

KUROO TETSURO

we all know this dude prefers long hair

anw, I think when he saw your short hair this man will be shocked 

he will be like: /insert shock pikachu/

“WHY?”

that’s only thing he will say, why did you cut your hair. 

you have your hair long since you are in high school 

also you and kuroo are actually schoolmates during your high school days

you know him because he play volleyball but for him, he didn’t know you until the two of you became classmate in college.

anw, the two of started dating in college because the two of you are blockmates. 

you’re now in the last year of college and you know shit became so stressful 

out of stress, you decided to cut your hair short

even though you know kuroo loves your long hair, you still did because you’re an impulsive girl

so, the day after you cut your short, you’re in the living room of your apartment with your laptop, finishing some of your requirements

then kuroo entered your apartment and called your name, to know if you’re in there.

“y/n, are you there??” 

“I’m at the living room, baby” 

kuroo went straight to the living room and he suddenly let out a loud gasp when he saw your hair. 

Kuroo: /GAAAASP/ 

dude was really shocked while you, you looked confuse because you literally forgot that just cut your hair short. 

“did you just cut your hair?!” 

“oh, yeah I did”

“WHY?!?!?!” 

he asked you hysterically while you just shrugged. 

“because I am too stress and also impulsive af” you answered him, unbothered with your boyfriend slowly having a mental breakdown. 

“but-”

“shush you pretty mouth of yours, I know you love my long hair but I am really feeling this kind of look” 

you cut him off, while your boyfriend let out a defeated sigh and took a sit beside. 

He rested his arms on the back of the couch while you instinctively lean on him. 

he just looks at you and observes your new look and he can’t help but agree that you’re looking fine af with your new look. 

‘maybe short hair is not that bad’ he thought to himself. 

KITA SHINSUKE

Kita will actually like notice it immediately. 

he will be the one to pin point it, that you cut your hair. 

though he will not show that much of reaction to you.

but when his other teammates notice he it and showers you compliment about your new look.

boy, this dude will lowkey warns his members because he is actually jealous that you’re getting a lot of attention. 

you kept hair long since your middle school but one time, in your 3rd year high school, you thought of cutting your hair which you actually did. 

so when you go to the school with your short hair, everyone was shocked, like your classmate.

your classmate told you that you look great with your short hair, something like that. 

during your lunch time, when Kita first saw your hair, he immediately pointed it out. 

“you cut your hair short” 

“yes, I did” 

you answered, waiting for your boyfriend to say something more. highkey waiting for him to compliment you

“you look great” 

“uh- thanks” 

‘is that it? is that all he gonna say to you?! I just look great? not beautiful?’ 

you sighed deeply trying to calm yourself from smacking your boyfriend’s head because you demand more compliments.

kita looks at you and asked if you’re okay and you just answered him that you’re tired. 

later that day you went to the gym because you want to watch your boyfriend’s team and of course him as they practice. 

when you entered the gym, everyone are still chilling and haven’t start their practice yet. it seems like they are waiting for their coach come. 

the boys greeted you, like it’s normal for them to see you watch because duh you’re the girlfriend of their captain. 

as they greeted you, one of the twins noticed your new hair style. 

“Oh! you cut your hair short!”

Osamu pointed out excitedly which catches everyone’s attention. 

the team gathered around you and showers you compliment.

“wow, short hair really suits you!” 

“you look cute with your hair short” 

your fellow third years complimented you while you smiled at them and gave a little thanks. 

“I think like I might have a crush on short haired y/n-san” 

Tsumu said out loud which catches everyone attentions, especially your grey haired boyfriend. 

“As much as I hated to agree with this dumb dude, I can’t help but to agree with him”

suna commented which made you blush and feel flattered. 

Atleast these boys gives you compliments unlike the other grey headed boy⏤ I AM JOKING PLS DON’T HATE ME

you gave them a small thanks as they continued to shower you compliments about your hair. 

Meanwhile, Kita, who’s watching you silently, can’t help but feel a little bit jealous because he noticed how you suddenly felt flustered when Suna gave you a compliment. 

And as he continue listening to his teammates giving you compliments, he gets even more jealous. 

so to catch his teammates attention, he cleared his throat and gave them his famous cold look. 

everyone went silent when they saw their captain looking at them intensely and each one of them gulped. 

everyone knows that kind of look that means, and they are scared for their lives. 

Aran looks at you like he is asking for help but you just chuckled. 

“good luck with your training guys!”

after the training, you and kita walked together and as you both were walking he held your hands brought it up to his lips.

he gave the back of your hand a kiss which makes you blush

he looks at your flustered face with a flirty smile plastered on his face

"you look very beautiful and sexy with your new hair style, my love"

[mindninjax]

Iron and Wine (4)

Chapter 4- Two Blue Eyes

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

Erwin Smith x fem!reader (Royalty AU)

Warnings: They/them pronouns used for Hange, Miche literally almost charming the panties off of you, some minor character death, I'm not gonna ruin the surprise just know some of you will be disgusted with me and others will be thrilled lololol

WC: 5.1K

a/n: I'm sorry this took so long to get out. I changed so much shit around in this chapter because this is where it gets REAL. I think I've finally got what I want to happen from this point on locked and loaded though. Writing it may be a different story because this month is gonna get a lil busy for me. s/o to @lazyezstudy and @charlotteplsdosth for being sweet little darlings. 💖I'll dedicate this chapter to you.😘

Erwin’s eyes scan the horizon once more as the fluttering wings of the raven in the rookery rustles his hair. It’s been two weeks and there’s been no word from Abel or Keiji. They’ve never gone this long without sending word back which can only mean trouble. Erwin chews his lip nervously, creasing his brow as he racks his brain. What should he do? Send more men to find the two he lost? That would be a wise decision, if he had men to send. A raven flutters down next to him and he pets the head with one finger, gently.

What could have hindered Abel and Keiji from checking in? A tingle in his gut hints at the answer, but he doesn’t dare give voice to it. It’s a bad omen and he’d rather spend energy preparing than worrying. He continues scribbling the messages onto the slip of parchment and ties it to the raven sitting next to him before releasing it toward the North. He lifts a finger to beckon two more birds down to him, attaches the other messages, and lets one free toward the South and the other toward the West.

There’s still the issue of the agreement or lack thereof with you. Perhaps he shouldn’t have pushed you last night. Though he will admit it was entertaining.

The sound of shuffling feet breaks him from his concentrated stupor and he turns to see Miche and Hange approaching. Miche’s large broad shoulders block the doorway to the stairwell as he fills the entryway and blocks Hange from sight. He bows respectfully before reporting.

“Sire, the war council has gathered in the war room. They are awaiting your presence.” Erwin watches the flapping wings of the raven he just released silently. He doesn’t turn around when he speaks.

“Miche, you’ve been in the presence of my special guest. How do you like her?” he asks as if asking about the clouds donning the skies. Miche gulps and blinks quickly in confusion.

“You’re asking me if I like her?” he repeats, trying to be sure.

“Yes. It’s no secret she is a beauty. Even Levi seems to have noticed. So tell me, what has your nose told you about her?” Erwin says simply. He turns to look into his comrade’s large honest eyes.

“Erm, well she smells of fresh grass and wood, moss and clear spring water with a hint of some sweet flower I’ve been having trouble identifying. I’ve only smelled it once or twice in my life, but it was so lovely I never forgot it. But…” Miche trails off as he watches Erwin raise an eyebrow at him.

“What is it?”

“It’s fading… that scent is fading from her the longer she’s here,” Miche finishes quickly. He sets his face in a confident smooth expression and looks into the king’s eyes.

Erwin matches his serious and confident expression, “Are you suggesting I let her go?” he asks slowly, enunciating each word.

“No, your majesty,” he drops his eyes, regretful. Erwin sighs and places a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t. Forgive me, I am just at a loss of what to do. It’s obvious the lioness doesn’t trust me and no matter what I give her she won’t change her mind. There is still no word from Abel and Keiji. I've sent ravens to Pixis in the North and Shadis in the South. War will be on our shores in months and I don’t have the support of my people, and decreasing numbers of soldiers thanks to famine and this petty war with the forest savages my father started,” he cards his fingers through his hair and runs a hand over his face. Miche can tell the stress of the situation is getting to him. A

“Erwin, perhaps you’re going about this agreement with the woman in the wrong way,” Hange speaks up then, pushing past Miche and clapping Erwin on the shoulder.

“Well you’re part of my damn counsel, so counsel me,” Erwin replies, giving a tired chuckle.

“You plucked a wild woman who’s people you just referred to as ‘forest savages’—it’s probably wise not to say that in front of her— from her home in the forest and put her in a castle expecting her to be enthralled with all the riches,” Hange explains holding out their hands in an animated expression as if the rest of the point is clear before them. When Erwin stares blankly at them and they sigh as if he’s hopeless and continues.

“It’s clear she’s not impressed by it, so why not show her something she will be impressed with? Something she’ll actually enjoy but can’t find in her forest village. If you can show her that you’re actually paying attention, she may be more inclined to join us. Moblit mentioned she was quite pleasant to him and she seems to have taken to Historia quickly.”

Erwin ponders their words for a moment and Hange knocks a fist against their own head as they try to think of something here in the castle that might impress you. Miche’s green eyes look between the two of them before he sighs deeply and grunts in a deep voice, “The private gardens.”

“Great idea big guy!” Hange says, clapping their hands together.

Erwin smiles at both of them, then takes a deep breath. He turns to look out at the horizon again, hoping to catch a glance of a raven. When he doesn't, he turns back to Miche and says, “OK then, I’m entrusting the lioness to you, Miche. Show her the gardens, make sure she actually enjoys it. Hange, you’ll join me in the war room. It seems we’ll have some things to discuss.”

“I’ve been sent to escort you to the king’s private gardens, my lady.”

A large blonde man whom Historia whispers and informs you is named Miche Zachariaus, bows before you as you swing open the door. You recognize him instantly. He’s the strong one who carried you away after your first talk with Erwin. You take a moment to scrutinize him before responding. Everything about him is large. His chest is broad, his shoulders wide and strong, he could probably fit 10 bundles of wood on his back and carry them with ease. He is handsome as well, no doubt part of Erwin’s plan. As if you’d be swayed by a man’s looks, though you do quietly and begrudgingly thank him for the nice view. He’s not wearing his armor which you find alarming. He either doesn’t see you as a threat or his skills are far beyond any you’ve known or witnessed and that also puts you on edge. You decide to be polite.

“I humbly decline,” you say in a small voice. As you’re about to close the door, his large hand stops it and pushes it back open. He looks almost desperate and you furrow your brows in confusion as you look back up to him.

“Please, my lady. I implore you to reconsider. I’m aware most of the luxuries have not been to your liking but this I'm sure you will enjoy,” Miche says, holding out a hand for you to grab. Your eyes shift back and forth from his outstretched hand and up to his gentle green eyes. He looks hopeful, like he really hopes you’ll take his hand. You hear Historia’s soft footsteps behind you.

“I’ve never seen the king’s personal garden. You should go, it’ll be beautiful. Ser Miche won’t hurt you. He’s very gentle and kind,” she whispers to you.

You give her a teasing smirk as you whisper over your shoulder back to her, “You’ve said that about everyone here.”

“Well I haven’t been wrong, have I?” she huffs and pokes out her lip in a cute pout.

“Only once,” you say, remembering the night Erwin came to your room. Miche clears his throat to remind you of his presence and you smile back up at him. “Would she be permitted to come with me?” you ask, nodding your head in Historia’s direction.

“You can invite anyone you’d like, my lady,” Miche responds and Historia’s eyes light up in excitement. You try to hide the smile tickling the edges of your lips and swallow the excitement at the thought of seeing the gardens.

“Very well then,” you say, grasping his hand.

The garden is breathtakingly beautiful. It’s as if it’s located in another world. It smells wonderful, not at all like the moldy castle corridors or the stench of burning fire and metal that drifts in your window from the castle town below. The sun rays kiss the green leaves of each plant and the array of colors each flower offers is more beautiful than any you've ever witnessed in your village.

When Miche opens the heavy iron gates, you’re at a loss for words. There’s a cobblestone path that leads to a grand white marble fountain in the middle of the garden. Multiple paths break off in different directions showcasing different plants. Vines climb up the walls and cover the stone, butterflies and bees frequent the flowers, and it surprises you how much this one little place reminds you of home.

There’s no stopping the bright smile that bursts onto your face and stays there while you gaze around in fascination. Historia is next to you, matching your bewildered expression and when the two of you meet each other's eyes you both laugh in amusement and happiness. Your laughter echoes through the garden and mixes with the babbling water of the fountain, a glorious little melody. Miche is watching you with a warm-hearted smile and you catch him ogling you from the entrance. You try to pull yourself together as you watch HIstoria wander off and Miche closes the gate behind him and comes to stand next to you.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Would you like a tour?” he suggests and you look at him in shock.

“There’s more?” you breathe and he chuckles a deep rumbling noise before holding out his arm. You hesitate again looking at his outstretched hand with suspicion. He doesn’t take it personally, a man as large and strong as him doesn’t have much to worry about, but he does give you a reassuring smile.

“Yes, my lady there is more. I thought you’d like to see all the gardens have to offer,” he replies, gesturing to the entirety of the courtyard. You blink in astonishment.

“This was your idea? How did you know I’d-”

“Your scent is strong. You smell like the trees and a sweet flower. I've been trying to figure out the name since you’ve arrived,” he says matter of factly. He turns to you then and reaches out slowly to grab the braid sitting on your shoulder. You surprise yourself when you don’t move away from him, but the fact that this was his idea, that he mentioned your scent, makes you feel more at ease around him.

“May I?” he says, green eyes drifting to yours. His long lashes brush against his cheeks and his deep voice rumbles through his body when he speaks.

“You wish to...smell my hair?”

“Yes, if you would permit me to do so,” he says politely. Again you look at him with suspicion, but nod to let him know it is ok to move closer to you.

Your eyes stay glued to him as he crouches and brings the long braid up to his nose and inhales deeply. He drags it up and down your hair, inhaling and exhaling with a deep pleasurable sigh after each breath. His eyes are closed as he focuses on the scent, mumbling words to himself.

“Pine...a hint of lemongrass...cedar wood...ugh the perfume overpowers the natural scent… and there that flower again...what is it?” He switches back and forth from sniffing your hair and sniffing the sweet air of the gardens. He’s quite amusing to watch and you smile to yourself as his shaggy hair falls over his eyes when he bends down to sniff you again.

Suddenly his eyes shoot open and he turns to face a path leading away from the fountain. He grabs your hand slowly, his large fingers wrapping around yours and swallowing it completely and strolls down the path looking back and forth between the colorful petals. He momentarily stops to sniff the air again before taking turns in the maze of plants until he comes across a hedge of thick green bushes and vines.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” You ask him, gesturing to the huge hedge in front of you sarcastically. He doesn’t respond, only bends down on one knee and reaches into the hedge. You try to pull him back, the hedge houses many thorns definitely as a means to keep people out of that area.

“No, don't! You’ll hurt your–“

He pulls his hand from the wall of thorns, bloody and pin pricked but holding the loveliest flower you’ve ever seen in your life. It’s pure white and unphased by the thorns or by Miche pulling it from its hiding place. You’re stunned by its beauty and it’s perfect white petals. He hands it to you and smiles a big joyous grin.

“How did you–“

“I’ve always had a good nose. I knew I’d smelled this plant before. Once near the edges of the forest. And then again when you were brought before Erwin. There were hints of it here, but it doesn’t seem to belong here. I figure it’s only natural to give it to you considering…” He doesn’t finish this sentence, not wanting to rub dirt in the wound of you being forced from your home. The flower make tears well in your eyes and you quickly swipe them away before he can see them.

You take the flower from him and bring it to your nose, the scent immediately reminding you of home and the huge field that has many of these swaying in the breeze. “It’s a moon blossom. They bloom at night or in dark places under the moon. It’s a symbol of growth in dark times,” you explain to him.

He nods in understanding. “I’d like to think…” he starts grabbing the flower from you again and moving to place it gently into your hair, “that it represents you, thriving and standing beautifully despite being so far from home.” His finger skims across your cheek as he fixes your hair. He’s definitely a charmer and he flashes you a cute boyish grin that you can’t help but return. His charm is genuine and you snicker as he steps back to look you over.

“Are you attempting to woo me?” you ask playfully.

“No. If I were, my lady, I’d tell you that there’s not a flower in this garden that compares to the beauty you possess. And that the dullest of days would shine brighter, for the sun would be envious of your presence and beauty.”

He finishes his sentence with a bow and a soft but pointed kiss on the palm of your hand. You can feel the prickle of his moustache in your hand and paired with his soft lips and warm breath, it sends a shiver up your spine.

The moment his lips leave your palm, your heart is thumping. You can still feel the warmth of the kiss on your skin and it radiates all over your body, culminating at the apples of your cheeks. You watch as his smile turns smug much to your chagrin, you turn away to hide the smile creeping at the edges of your lips.

“Alright then, I see now why the king sent you to escort me,” you say, clearing your throat. He chuckles in a deep baritone and holds his arm out to continue escorting you through the gardens.

“He’s very interested in you,” Miche replies, looking down at you as the two of you stroll.

You roll your eyes, “I bet he is,” you say remembering the way Erwin pinned you to the wall, his lips on your neck and jaw.

“Truly my lady, In all the years of knowing him, I’ve never seen him so entranced before,” he replies, watching as you let go of his arm to sniff a large drooping pink flower. Entranced, a pretty way of saying “kidnapping”, but something else he says catches your attention.

“How long have you known him?” you ask, curiosity painting your features.

“Since we were boys. I was a stablehand in the town right outside the castle walls. Erwin wasn’t king then but he snuck out of the castle to spend time with me. He taught me to read, taught me how to use a sword, and helped me become a knight under his father’s rule. He took care of my family when the food supply started running out, gave them jobs in the castle when he became King.”

He looks ahead as if he’s picturing all the events unfolding in front of him. You shrug your shoulders. Of course his best man would speak great things about him. Erwin is the King, it’s treason to speak ill about him. Though you will admit, this isn’t the first time you’ve heard of him helping out one of the people in the castle. You remember Historia telling you he found her in her village.

“What about Historia? She mentioned he found her in her village. Did he steal her too? She is a beauty,” you challenge, raising your eyebrow.

“Ahh the little lady, very sad story. The King happened upon her village after it had been raided by barbarians. There didn’t seem to be any survivors, the houses were burnt down, blood and carnage all over. He was returning from battle and stopped the entire army to search for survivors. She was the only one. Erwin brought her back to the castle, dressed her wounds and let her stay,” he explains.

You’re shocked but try to keep it hidden. You don’t think Miche is lying to you, it would be foolish. You could just ask Historia and if the story matched you’d know it was true. But there’s something about the way Miche speaks with admiration, loyalty, and genuine respect for Erwin when he tells the story that cements the truth.

It confuses you, the wolf king’s actions. The battles between your people and his to keep him out of the forest and away from the precious metals you know he’s after, the way he neglected his people despite them dying in the streets from famine while he sits in his castle and gorges himself on delicacies, it makes no sense. If he were as compassionate as Miche is suggesting he would never do these things. But there must be some truth to it, the Mother protects him. What does she see?

You're left to the many questions in your head as another guard approaches you and Miche and whispers something quickly in his ear. He nods once then turns to you and bows.

“My apologies my lady, but I’m needed elsewhere. Gelgar will escort you and Historia back to your chambers,” he says, grasping your hand and giving it a final kiss before departing.

You thank him and watch him turn a corner out of the garden maze as Gelgar gestures to have you walk in front of him and inform you that Historia is waiting back at the fountain. You nod and walk past him.

You suppose it’s time to stop being stubborn and finally read the documents Erwin left for you. If it means you’ll get out of here sooner, you’ll oblige. Perhaps more answers about the type of man Erwin truly is will be shown to you after you’ve read them.

The ravens reach Shadis and Pyxis in a matter of days and when they return it is not with good news. The number of men is less than what he expected to hear and more continue to drop from starvation as they speak. It has become increasingly more difficult to keep control over the North and South as the people grow weary and delirious with starvation. Pyxis and Shadis both report the same instances, talk of the lioness coming to bring them food and prosperity and good fortune as she did in Castle Town.

Lord Pyxis, ever the wise and kind old man and one of Erwin’s father's old friends, writes of the hope it instills in the people. He hopes that someone will come soon to help with this famine and the people are greatly appreciative of his faith. Shadis on the other hand is cold and views the whispers in the streets as a betrayal, a rise of another rebellion. He forbids any talk of you or the “nonsense” you would inflict upon his people.

Erwin scans the words on the notes from the two lords as Hange sits next to him, hands intertwined underneath their chin.

“Well it’s nice to know the people are of one mind. But Erwin, if we can’t get the lioness to agree we have no hope in helping anyone,” they say in a slurry of words. Erwin can tell their mind is working, filtering through the different possibilities.

“I have faith in Miche. She wants to help the people in this kingdom and she wants to keep her home safe and from invaders,” Erwin says, shuffling through many pieces of parchment on the table. He picks up a stained crumpled piece and glares at it. “And this will surely be a driving factor in her decis--”

The door to the war room bursts open as you stomp into the room, parchment gripped tightly in your hand. The lavender dress flows dramatically behind you as you drift into the room, drawing the attention of everyone present. Miche is behind you, desperately trying to keep up with your quickened pace as he flashes an apologetic frown and slight bow of the head to Erwin. You’re shaking with rage, head held high as you walk into the room with purpose. Your eyes are fixed on Erwin at the head of the table and you can hear the commanders whisper to themselves about your disrespect.

Erwin does not look bothered, rather amused as you come to stand before him and slam the parchment down on the big table in front of him. The goblets and war figurines tremble and topple over.

“What is the meaning of this?” You scream.

“Ahh my lady, I see you’ve read the document sent to the Beast across the sea.”

“This spews lies and deceit, we are not one kingdom, we do not fight as one. And I am not going to negotiate to share any of the fruits of my labor with you or this beast from the west!”

Erwin stands wordlessly and the others in the room immediately stand with him. He walks slowly around the table to grab pieces of parchment that sit in front of Hange. His face is no longer pleasant, but serious with a dark glint behind his glare. The pieces of parchment are wrinkled and stained with what you assume is blood. He holds them in his fist and hands them to you, nodding his head to encourage you to take them from him.

You do so, snatching them in a huff and uncrinkling them to read the neat scrawled handwriting. Your eyes scan through the first few words before Erwin’s voice rings out into the war room and demands “Read it aloud.”

You glare again at him before clearing your throat and reading the message aloud:

Greetings King Erwin, Wolf of the East. I am sure you and your war counsel have heard of me as they are tasked with keeping tabs on your enemies. I am not sure how much information your comrades Abel and Keiji gave you before I captured them but I can only assume they’ve completed their tasks remarkably. I can only imagine how thorough and intelligent you are King Erwin, as I've done my research on you as well.

I’ve received your letter, your partner sounds lovely but I have no interest in arrangements or agreements. I will simply take what I want: your lands, your resources, your people as that is what a conqueror would do. As I’m sure you already know, it is well within my power to do so. We will meet you in battle and crush you. I hope you will not take offense as you must be familiar with the rules of war. How many kingdoms have you crushed under your golden boot?

You drop the parchment, thinking it silly to continue with the self assured words of this foreign enemy. “You’re afraid of a cocky self assured bastard from across the sea? And I thought you to be a King.”

“Keep reading.”

“Why? It’s just nonse-”

“I said, keep reading.” Erwin’s voice is dangerous now, anger swelling inside him and you'd never admit aloud but it kind of frightens you.

You are probably wondering what has become of your loyal men, why they haven’t reported back in weeks? You're probably wondering what to tell their families, their wives and children if they have them. Well you’ll be happy to know I am a gracious war chief. I’d want to know what happened to my men as well. So I will tell you every detail of how your men suffered, until they took their last breath so you may explain to their wives and children as they wail in sorrow. And you may have what’s left of them, to bury or burn or whatever it is you do with your unfortunate dead. Their heads will stay here with me though, as my trophies. The details of their deaths are included in the lovely gifts I’ve sent you.

Best regards your majesty, and I look forward to seeing you when I land upon your shores.”

The note is signed with one name, “Zeke” in neat penmanship. Below that is what looks like a recipe, numbered steps and as you scan through them quietly you realize it is a step-by-step process of how the two men were killed. It is gruesome, horrific, unnecessarily cruel and you don’t have the stomach to finish reading it to yourself let alone aloud. You slam the parchment down on the table and look away. The other pages scatter and Erwin glowers at them.

“Did you see the diagrams, my lady? The diagrams of how he butchered my men? Or was the step by step process too much for you?”

“I don’t underst-”

“This letter came back attached to a bloody sack that held the maniac slaughtered remains of my men. This was a message my lady, a show of power. This… was Zeke’s way of telling me he will slaughter all who are in his path and he will not lose sleep over it,” his voice grows in volume and anger and soon it’s booming and echoing through the entire room.

“So you see, my lady I am no longer interested in the petty qualms of the past between our people. I no longer care about the hate your parents held for my father or the hate you have for me. What I care about is making sure this beast pays for what he’s done. And that he will never get his hands on any of the precious resources this land has to offer. So correct me if I'm wrong in assuming that we have the same goal.”

There is silence as Erwin stands before you now, scowling at you. He’s so close that your heaving breasts hit his chiseled abs as you stand there challenging him with your shoulders squared and your chin held high.

The silence stretches out into an awkward staring competition that you refuse to lose. The tension in the room could be sliced with a knife but your eyes never leave his crystal glare. For the first time, you can see past his brave mask. He’s confused, hurt, frustrated, and vulnerable and your hard icy stare warms the longer you look at him. You almost forget who he is and reach out to caress and comfort him but you lock your jaw and keep your hands clasped in a fist at your side.

“It’s different when it’s your men being slaughtered by a foreign enemy, isn't it?”

That catches him off guard and the anger slowly releases from him as you look around the room, looking at each of the advisors standing slack jawed at the exchange between the two of you. You look back to Erwin, determination on your face now.

“Seems we have a lot to discuss. When will the beast be here?”

Erwin sighs in relief, loud enough for everyone to hear and Levi scoffs under his breath and rolls his eyes at the show of weakness. “Nanaba estimates three months.”

“Perfect, that will be plenty of time.”

“Plenty of time for what? I need your decision, we need to start preparing,” Erwin says watching you look at the little figurines on the war table. You scan the map past the forest to the west where the blue coloring indicates the sea.

“This isn’t a decision for me to make alone.”

“What are you talking about? You’re their leader, are you not?” Erwin looks confused and slightly annoyed but no one in the room dares to speak up while the two of you converse.

You turn to look at him now, head held high. Your voice is strong and serious, like you’re stating the law of the land for all to hear. “Everyone has a voice and it should be heard. If you wish to have a decision, we will take this before my people and they will decide. Before you do, you will partake in living with us, learn our ways, drink with us, eat with us, celebrate and worship with us. And should they decide to accept your request, we shall solidify the deal underneath the full moon. It is in three days.”

You chuckle to yourself and though Erwin is still frustrated he can feel it slowly leaving him with every soft sound escaping you.

“What is it?” he asks, moving closer and looking into your eyes again.

“I suppose now you’ll be my house guest and I promise to be a better host than you.”

--

Tagging: @forlancasterrr @starstruckkittensweets @lazyezstudy @neptvnia @laceylaceyy @unadulteratedtreecrusade @gixxie @jeanbeaux @throughthethorns @casspea @charlotteplsdosth @melyannathemaia @saturnalya @ixwrites @mythical-goth

[jayvoir]

jealousy — choi yeonjun

word count: 2k words

warnings: smut, dom!yeonjun, sub!reader, drinking, unprotected sex, jealous!yeonjun, fingering, degradation, slight exhibitionism, choking, dirty talk, hair pulling

summary: you had been thinking of your best friend in more than friendly ways recently. what happens when he gets jealous on a night out?

authors note: this is my first smut so please be nice lol, i’m trying here 😭 @hoe2z this is for you ;)

“y/n, go out with us, please!! you promised,” beomgyu begged with a pout. you shook your head playfully, debating in your mind whether you wanted to go or not.

“y/n come on! we’re literally begging here,” soobin said, a pout also present on his lips. they had been trying to get you to go out with them for a while, but you always put it off. clubbing wasn’t your scene, so you avoided it at all costs. but, that’s kind of hard when you’re friends with the choi line.

just as you were about to decline yet again, yeonjun walked in wearing a pair of black ripped jeans and a maroon button down shirt that fit his form nicely. the first few buttons were undone, exposing a small part of his chest. your breath caught in your throat at the sight of him, a rush of electricity flowing through you.

he smirked at the look on your face, knowing the effect he had on you. he knew he could use this to his advantage to get you to go. “y/n? please? come with us,” he said, voice laced with fake arrogance. you couldn’t say no to yeonjun so you sighed and agreed to go.

you trudged up to your room, digging through your closet, trying to find the right outfit. you knew what you were going for, and that was knock yeonjun off his feet. you settled for a cropped tight fitted long sleeve paired with a short leather skirt. you slipped on a pair of black heels, and lightly dusted your face with makeup. you were ready in no less than 30 minutes and you smirked at yourself as you looked in the mirror. suddenly, you were excited to go out.

you made your way down the stairs, meeting up with the boys at the bottom. soobin and beomgyu started cheering, telling you how hot they thought you looked. you smiled and thanked them, your eyes drifting to yeonjun. his eyes were dark, looking you up and down. it suddenly felt incredibly hot in the room as he stared you down. all you could do was smirk slightly, making yeonjun tense up.

“shall we go,” beomgyu suggested, not even noticing the tension in the room. everyone agreed, and piled into the car. yeonjun was in the drivers seat, you in the passengers seat beside him, beomgyu and soobin in the back. yeonjun started the car and started driving, one hand on the wheel, the other arm resting on the center console.

something about the way he was driving was really getting to you. you kept glancing at him, doing your very best not to make it obvious. however, the universe seemed to have different plans. he glanced at you and chuckled deeply, shaking his head. “what,” you asked, confusion laced into your voice.

he smirked once more, glancing back at the boys to see if they were listening. they weren’t, they were caught up in some game they were playing together. “you act like i can’t see you practically drooling over me,” he said, cockily. you tensed up in your seat, not knowing what to say. what do you say to that?

“oh um-”

“i’m not complaining. you look hot,” he complimented, the same shit eating grin on his lips. you playfully shook your head, not thinking he was being serious. you turned the radio up and just sat there the rest of the ride, not noticing the looks yeonjun kept throwing at you.

a short time later, he pulled up to the side of the street, parallel parking in front of a few clubs. you all piled out of the car, deciding which club to go into. they ultimately decided on the club with the shortest line, and dragged you over to the entrance, almost making you trip since you were wearing heels.

the line moved pretty fast, you guys getting up to the front in about ten minutes. you showed your id’s and headed inside, going straight to the bar. “i’m gonna go dance,” soobin yelled over the music after getting a drink. you all nodded, beomgyu following him, you taking a seat at the bar. yeonjun took a seat next to you, also getting a drink.

a few drinks later, beomgyu hurried up to you, basically ripping you out of your seat at the bar. “come dance with us,” he exclaimed as he dragged you out to the dance floor, yeonjun following close behind. you were surrounded by sweaty bodies, some of them making out or groping each other, everyone else just dancing and having a good time. you started dancing with beomgyu, and when the song switched to a more sensual song, it was more like grinding on him.

beomgyu didn’t mind, the both of you knew it didn’t meant anything. however, yeonjun seemed to think different. he stood to the side, staring you down as you danced on beomgyu, him clenching his hands into a fist. a moment later, he decided he couldn’t watch anymore. he stormed over to the both of you, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to a bathroom in the back. “yeonjun, what the hell are you doing,” you yelled, trying to pry his hand off of your wrist.

he pulled you into the bathroom, slamming the door closed, locking it. he turned to look at you, his eyes dark. he stalked over to you, making you back up, eventually hitting your back against the wall. you gulped and looked up at him, feeling small underneath his gaze. “what the fuck was that all about?”

you racked your brain trying to come up with what he was talking about. and then you remembered what you were doing when he walked up. “the dancing on beomgyu? what about it,” you asked, confused beyond belief. “oh my god. you’re jealous aren’t you?”

he pushed you up against the wall further, leaning down to your ear. “so what if i was? what if i wanted you all to myself,” he said, his voice husky, sending shivers down your spine. he smirked when you didn’t respond, knowing he had you right where he wanted you.

“i guess i’m just gonna have to prove to them that you’re mine.” you were slightly confused as to why yeonjun was randomly acting like this, but you definitely were not complaining. you were willing to fully give yourself to him, whatever that meant.

he leaned in and roughly pressed his lips to yours, kissing you feverishly. his hands were on your waist in no time, pulling you closer to him. he began to kiss from the corner of your mouth, down to your neck, beginning to leave a few hickeys. he smirked to himself once he heard you whimper, his hands making his way up your shirt. he trailed his kisses down to your collarbone, leaving a few more love bites along the way.

you whimpered once more, making him pull away and look at you, a look in his eyes you couldn’t quite place. “what are you whimpering for,” he asked tauntingly. he chuckled deeply, when you didn’t respond, making you slightly nervous for what was going to happen next.

“if you don’t tell me what you want, i can’t help you, babygirl,” he teased. his words sent a wave of arousal straight to your core, making you look up at him, a needy look in your eyes. “so tell me princess. what can i do for you?”

you shyly reached for his hand, and placed it over your core, his hand ghosting over the fabric that covered it, making you whimper once more. he stuck his bottom lip out, finding your neediness incredibly attractive. “aw look at you being all shy now. does princess want me to touch her?”

you nodded quickly, still holding his hand where it you placed it. “y-yes please...” you said quietly. he smirked as he pulled your skirt down, pulling your panties down achingly slow. “yeonjun, p-please,” you whined, gripping onto his shirt.

“patience, baby. you’ll get what you want i promise,” he whispered, running his hands up and down your sides. he brought one hand up to your mouth, you immediately opening as he put his index finger in your mouth. once it was wet, he took his finger out, smirked and brought his hand back to your core. he ran the one finger through your folds, making you moan quietly.

“you’re so wet baby, and i haven’t even done anything yet,” he mocked. he began rubbing slow circles on your clit, making you grip onto his shirt tighter, wanting more. after doing this, he slowly inserted two fingers into your sex, making you gasp and grip onto his shoulder.

“feel good princess?” all you could muster up was a nod as he began thrusting his fingers in and out of your heat, making you moan louder. he kept going as he started kissing your neck again, only adding to the stimulation. before you knew it, you felt the familiar knot form in your stomach and you began to shake.

“j-jun i’m close,” you spoke, your voice shaking. as the words rolled off of your tongue, he pulled his fingers out and pulled away from your neck, making you whine loudly.

“no whining,” he demanded, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans. he was left in his boxers, a prominent bulge poking out. you took a deep breath at the size, looking back up at him. he came back up to you, wrapped his arms around your thighs, picked you up and set you on the sink.

he hastily kicked his boxers off, spreading your legs with his knees. he ran his length up and down your folds, simply teasing you to get you riled up. “how bad do you want it, babygirl?”

you reached up and gripped onto his shoulder, desperately wanting to be relieved of the ache between your legs. “please yeonjun, i-i need you,” you begged. he leaned back down to your neck, pressing kisses to the fresh hickeys as he pushed into you easily, due to how wet you had become. the stretch felt magnificent, the perfect mix of pleasure and pain.

he began rolling his hips into yours, the pain disappearing, being replaced by a sense of bliss. he reached up and wrapped his hand in the base of your hair, pulling your head back, making you moan loudly. “look at you. such a dirty little slut, taking my cock like that. you like that don’t you,” he said, his thrusts becoming quicker.

“you’re taking me so well princess, doing so good for me,” he spoke, words becoming slurred. he gradually became rougher with his movements, tugging on your hair again, making you let out a loud moan.

“that’s a good girl, let everyone hear how good you’re being for me.” you began to feel the knot form in the pit of your stomach once again, making you begin to shake. you gripped onto his shoulder, digging your nails into the skin, sure to leave marks. he took his hand out of your hair and moved it to your neck, wrapping his hand around your throat, squeezing the sides slightly. not enough to hurt you, but enough to have you seeing stars.

“i-i’m so close-” he cut you off, pressing his lips to yours, his movements never stopping. the kiss was full of need, you wrapping your hand in his hair, tugging as the pleasure became more intense.

“you gonna cum? come on princess, cum for me, let everyone know who you belong to,” he said, his thrusts becoming sloppier, signaling he was getting close as well. before you knew it you were cumming, yeonjun beginning to rub at your clit only making the pleasure more intense, a loud, animal like moan coming out of your mouth.

yeonjun pulled out, stroking himself a few times, before cumming on your thigh, letting out a breath he was holding. you both had to catch your breath for a moment, looking at each other and smiling. he helped you get dressed, tugging his pants back on, buttoning his shirt back up. you turned around to look in the mirror, wanting to fix your hair, but froze at the sight. your neck was covered in love bites, some darker than others.

yeonjun noticed as well, and all he did was chuckle. “now they’ll know who you belong to.”