#but couldn't you have done it literally one week in any direction???

[abluescarfonwaston]

So apparently the best way to get job interviews is to go on vacation. Ive heard nothing in weeks and today three companies crawled out of the woodwork to be like you're in Puerto Rico next week??? INTERVIEW NOW.

[xxsabitoxx]

Pale Blue [Part One]

Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader

READ PART TWO HERE

Warnings: THIS FIC IS CANON COMPLIANT, if you are not caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen's manga, or at the very least if you have not seen "gojo's past" you WILL be spoiled. This story contains darker themes, heavier topics, pregnancy and all the lovely details of it, and lastly explicit sexual content. Read at your own risk!

A/N: Here it is!! Part One!! This fic is super self indulgent for me and I'm very excited for y'all to read it. The idea literally came to me in a dream like a month ago and I woke up and immediately started writing. It's been a long ass time since I've written a plot heavy fic, and it's been well over a year since I've actively planned a multiple part story and gone through with it. So, this fic is kinda like... my baby lol.

Word Count: 19k | Playlist

September 2007

Your mouth felt like chalk, hands trembling ever so slightly as you set the small wand on the countertop in your bathroom. You couldn't think straight, but that unfortunately wasn’t anything new, it had been that way for the last three weeks. Ever since he left, you had felt like your head was stuck in a fishbowl. People eyeing you with pity at the world you had been dropped into, their whispers muffled into incoherent nonsense as you walked by. Satoru was no better off, but he could at least tug his emotions off of his sleeves and place them in his heart where nobody could see them, except for you. At least you would be able to see them if he didn’t shut you out. 

Not that you had been any kinder, you had withdrawn too. 

The only one who seemed alright was Shoko, her reaction to Suguru’s deflection was nothing out of character. Not many things could shock her to her core, even something as absurd as what Suguru had done couldn’t wipe the gentle smile from her face when she saw him again. You envied her for that level of composure. You envied her for getting to see him again, just as you envied Satoru. For some reason, the man evaded you as if you were the plague. Or perhaps it looked like you were merely chasing after a ghost, a figment of your imagination. You kind of wished that it was true, that Geto Suguru had been someone you conjured up in your mind. 

But he wasn’t, he was a real, breathing human who had taken over one hundred lives…. Including his parents. The thought made your mouth taste like metal, everytime you zoned out too long and thought too hard, you’d bite your inner cheek until it bled. Three weeks later you still felt like you were moving on autopilot, the only thing that could pull you out of it would be his gentle embrace. You blinked a bit, the metallic taste coating your tongue as you unclench your jaw and look in the mirror. You hardly recognize yourself, for a moment  you think you look just like him, and it's enough to steal the little air you had in your lungs. 

You had never thought you'd experience a heartbreak as severe as this one, and you especially didn’t think it would be dealt to you by Suguru. Though you saw all of the signs, the hundreds if not thousands he put out and never let you touch. No, his cries for help were always directed at Satoru. The white haired man never seemed to catch them, and if he did, he never said a thing. Suguru had refused to acknowledge his issues when he was with you, no matter how many times you tried to sit him down and get it out. He’d change the subject and move on. 

He’d sweet-talk you, making you forget why you had been so concerned in the first place because there, for a fleeting moment, was the boy you had fallen in love with two years prior. He’d fill your mind with nothing but good things, pretty noises, good feelings. Not stopping until his name was all you could utter, not stopping until you fell asleep in his arms, content and sedated. He was a master at avoidance, trying so hard to keep things perfect just for you. You were beginning to hate him for it, but even the idea of hating him made bile burn your throat. 

You were left in emotional turmoil, love mixing with hate mixing with rage and depression. No matter how many times the word hate flashed through your mind, it was never truly directed at Suguru. Rather the jujutsu world, the things they had forced upon him, the pressure he had been made to feel. You especially felt that bubbling hate for a certain man by the name of Fushiguro Toji, who caused this whole spiral. He was long gone now, Satoru had effectively put the man down and he would not be getting back up. Though it killed you to no end that he got the easy way out. You almost wished that Satoru had kept the man alive. 

You couldn’t stomach it as your back pressed into the cold wall of your bathroom, arms folded over your chest as you stared at nothing in particular. Eyes refusing to focus on anything of importance but making a point to avoid the developing test on the counter. 

Suguru had left you a note, shortly after his final conversation with Satoru. You had returned to your dorm to see it on your bed and you recognized his handwriting before you even read your name on the envelope. You could still feel your hands trembling as you ripped the paper, flinching as it cut your skin, crumbling as tears dripped down your cheeks. You read it three times before finally comprehending the words, the paper littered with tear drops and your blood. Every word was written with care, you could hear his voice as your eyes passed over each sentence, see his face before you as if he was speaking. 

It was an apology, his resolve and a goodbye all in one. Leaving you more empty than you had felt before. Still, it sat on your nightstand, you couldn’t throw it away. As if his sweaters weren’t still hanging in your closet, like the blanket he got you wasn’t still sitting on your bed. You held onto that letter like it was the last thing you had of him. Mourning him as if he had died, like he wasn’t still alive and breathing and walking around within the very city you were in now. You almost thought it would be easier if he had died. At least you’d feel some sort of closure, knowing he’s not coming back. But this, this was a form of torture for you. 

To know that you could bump into him at a restaurant, or even pass him on a busy street. He wasn’t gone, if anything he was doing better than he ever was. Leaving you, Satoru, Shoko, and everyone else behind to pick up the shattered pieces. Still, you couldn’t hate him for that. No amount of anger would mend the torn pieces of your broken heart. You were fairly certain nothing would, the only cure was the one man you could no longer call your own. You’d spend the rest of your life with your heart ripped wide, an empty void filling the space. 

You inhaled deeply, pushing off the bathroom wall and taking a hesitant step towards the counter. The test was upside down, you couldn’t see the small little window that would show you the results, for a moment you wanted to pick it up and throw it in the trash without even looking. There was nothing stopping you from doing so either, but you held back anyways. The only reason you were taking a pregnancy test in the first place was because your period was two weeks late. You could easily chalk it up to stress, but at the same time you knew all too well that you and Suguru often went without protection. Idiot. 

Somehow, despite his inner battles, Suguru’s sex drive never slowed down. Maybe it was the craving for physical touch or maybe sex was a great way for him to forget about his issues for a while. Regardless, you had always been eager to oblige, even if it meant falling into his traps and luring your attention away from the real issue at hand. You had no idea how long it had been and if the damn thing was positive you were sure it would show up by now. So you picked it up and flipped it over in your hand, tired eyes scanning it. Your forehead creased for a moment, eyes squinting in frustration because you couldn’t tell if there was a second line or not. 

If it’s positive, it's too early to tell. Your grip tightens around the small plastic test, anger flooding your heart as you chuck it in the trash can with such force it rattles as it hits the wall. Once again you are left with uncertainty. It seemed nobody could give you a straight answer anymore. Truth be told, you weren’t sure what you wanted that test to say. The thought of being pregnant with his child would have elated you two months ago. Now the thought made your insides twist and turn, for a moment you thought you were going to puke again. At the very same time, the idea of the test being negative felt like a rug being pulled out from under you. 

As if you didn’t know that feeling well enough. 

In a twisted way, you thought that being pregnant would bring him back to you. As if it would erase every heinous crime he had committed and bring the man you loved back into your arms. You were foolish, but not foolish enough to really believe in those daydreams. You hauled yourself out of your bathroom and back into your dorm room, falling into your disheveled bed with a soft thump. His t-shirt was hanging loosely on your body, it still smells faintly of him. It’s the only shirt of his that you’d been wearing, too afraid to lose his scent on the others. 

It was still early enough for you to sleep for a few more hours before Shoko was knocking on your door and hauling you into the world. You hated it, but she assured you that you’d thank her for it in a couple months. You doubted it, and for some reason you felt like she did too. 

Your sleep was dreamless, it had been since Suguru left you. You weren’t quite sure if you were thankful for that or not. Suguru was still the last thing you thought about before falling asleep and the first thing you thought of when you woke up. His absence consumed your every thought, impossible to ignore, unable to forget. There had been a few tough nights where you dragged yourself down the hall towards Satoru’s room. The man was usually still up, sitting on his bed with a book in hand that you could tell he wasn’t reading. Just an attempt at distraction. 

He welcomes you without a word, scooting over a bit so you could sit beside him, head on his shoulder as he tosses the book to the floor. You remain like that until you fall asleep, no words spoken but nothing needed to be verbalized to understand you were both mourning the loss of a man who wasn’t even dead. In an odd way, you felt as if you were mourning Satoru as well. His smile, his jokes, the way his eyes seemed to sparkle, all of those things had dwindled. To his credit, he was managing to pull himself back together, at least better than you had been. 

A harsh knock at your door signaled that Shoko was there. You hadn’t even realized that you fell asleep, but you felt even more groggy than you had a couple hours prior. “I’m up.” It’s hoarse and unconvincing but you hear Shoko utter a small “ok”. You know she’s still there, she always waits for you to get dressed and emerge from your room yourself. If you make her wait any longer than fifteen minutes she's usually barging in herself to pull you from your bed. Your body aches as you sit up, stumbling across the room to the bathroom because you need to pee yet again. 

The air almost feels stale as you get your routine done in the bathroom, the test is still sitting in the small can beside your sink. It’s presence is heavy, to the point you question if you should take it out with you despite only having a couple tissues accompanying it. You decided against it when she knocked again. “Just getting dressed.” You mumbled softly, listening for her small “Hmph.” At least letting you know she heard you. Your uniform still felt foreign on your skin, it had for the last three weeks but you tried to ignore it. “About time.” Shoko smiled as you emerged, Satoru beside her. “Oh? You’re both here?” Your tone was questioning but not mad. 

“Yeah, Yaga said we should take the day to be normal or something like that.” Satoru drawled, circular glasses sliding down his nose as he rolled his eyes. “Us? Normal?” You snorted, pulling your door shut as Shoko began walking down the hallway. “He just doesn’t know what to do with us at the moment.” Satoru offered in a low tone, Shoko would scold him for speaking like that, especially to you. The thing is, he wasn’t saying anything that you hadn’t already thought of yourself. “I don’t know what to do with us either.” You could assume Yaga was being vigilant, the guilt of not seeing what was happening with Suguru was weighing on him too. 

The flick of Shoko’s lighter was heard as you stepped into the morning air, laughter bubbling in your chest as you looked at her. “It was killing you, wasn’t it.” Yaga had been cracking down on her bad habit, trying to limit her by saying no smoking in the dorms. “Just a little.” She teased back, inhaling deeply before blowing the gray smoke past her lips. “Shoko, gimme one.” Your eyebrow cocked as Satoru stuck his hand out. Her eyes met you for a moment before begrudgingly handing the lighter and pack to him. “New habit?” You commented softly, watching as he stuck a cylinder between his lips and held his hand up to block the flame from the wind. 

Satoru shrugged, inhaling a bit before blowing out, moving to hand the pack to you. You hesitated, the test in your dorm trash can still lingering in the back of your mind. “I’m good.” You took them anyway, handing them to Shoko. Neither of them said anything but they shared a knowing glance, they couldn’t be mad at you for trying to quit a bad habit. “So where are we going?” You didn’t like the prolonged silence as the two of them puffed away. “I didn’t think you’d want to go anywhere, but if you want we can go get breakfast.” Shoko’s eyes flickered over both you and Satoru, as if she was looking at two temperamental children. 

“Breakfast sounds good.” Satoru offered, shoving one hand in his pocket while the other plucked the cig from his lips. “It does.” You added softly, stomach turning at the very thought of food but you couldn’t let them know that. You had lost your appetite shortly after he left, but you still forced yourself to eat at least one substantial meal a day. The nausea that had settled in your gut most days usually deterred you from anything else but plain rice and maybe some soup. Still, it was food and the only thing you could keep down at that. “Alright, I’ll call for a driver and we can go get something to eat.” Shoko pulled out her phone, clicking on a number she saved. 

“You’ve been eating, right?” You jumped a little, eyes sliding over to Satoru. His tone was low, just low enough for only you to hear. “Yeah, I’ve been eating… you?” He looked the same, tall and lean with broad shoulders. Satoru nodded, pushing his glasses up to sit on the bridge of his nose. “The car will be at the gates for us in five minutes so let's get going.” Shoko started walking, like always you and Satoru followed behind her like ducklings. Satoru’s question still lingered in your mind, his ability to read your thoughts nearly rivaled Suguru. 

You had to wonder just how much those six eyes of his could see. 

The three of you clamored into the car, Satoru taking the passenger seat while you and Shoko took the back. You had no idea where you were going, not even when Shoko gave an address to the driver. It was somewhere in the city, you knew that much, but you trusted her judgment and prayed they would have something plain for your stomach. None of you spoke as the car barreled forward, your eyes glued to the surroundings zipping past you, as if you’d catch him walking down the street on a busy morning. You knew you’d always be looking for him, everywhere you went, your eyes would search for him. 

You tore your eyes from the window, glancing at Satoru in the passenger seat. You couldn’t see his eyes, but his head was turned towards the window. If you had to guess, he was doing the very same thing. Looking for someone who would never appear. Unless you were Shoko of course, you still felt your throat tighten at the thought. You knew Suguru had chosen to reveal himself to her for a couple reasons. One being that she wasn’t nearly strong enough to take him down single handedly. The other being her easy going nature, he knew there would be little to no conflict or questions to answer with her. If roles were reversed, you’d do the same. 

“Hello?” You blinked, looking at Shoko with parted lips. “You okay?” her head tilted, brown eyes lingering over your features. “I… yeah.” You swallowed, the car was still moving so you didn’t space out for that long. “What are you in the mood to eat?” She repeated the question she had asked seconds prior while you were clearly on another plane of existence. “Something plain.” You offered lamely, hands clasping together in your lap. “Plain?” Satoru questioned, eyes shifting to look at you through the rearview mirror. “My stomach has been sensitive. Plain foods are all I can really get down right now.” You shrunk into the seat. 

Shoko hummed, eyes observing you intently now. You could almost hear her silently listing all of your physical symptoms, noting in her head the various things that could cause them. Most could be answered with heartbreak, but that didn’t typically make you sensitive to certain foods. Shoko and Satoru knew of Suguru's relationship with you. They knew you were serious about each other, that you often slept in the other’s dorm depending on the day. They knew you went on dates and bought each other gifts. They knew you had long since confessed your love to one another and were not strangers to holding hands when you thought nobody was looking. 

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the two of you slept together as well. 

~

“Quiet.” You sunk your teeth into the side of your cheek, struggling to stifle your noises as Suguru’s fingers curled inside of your tight heat. “You don’t want them to hear us, right?” he cooed again, lips ghosting the shell of your ear as he pressed you harder into the empty desk, nearly pushing it into the wall of the classroom with the ferocity of his hunger. 

You shook your head, not trusting your voice in that moment to make any coherent sounds. Your nails dug into his bicep, legs splayed hazardously over the sides of the desk as you used your free hand to brace yourself. Two fingers continued to plunge in and out of you, curling perfectly and sucking the air from your lungs as he found that one particular spot. 

Suguru watched in fascination, dark eyes glazed over as they flickered between his hand and your face. Each draw back revealed the slick shine of your arousal on his digits, each push forward was accompanied by a squelch. It made his throat tight, arousal making him feel hot all over as he continued to fuck you with his fingers. 

“Sugu…” You choked, face warming considerably as you realized how desperate you sounded. “Hmm?” a gentle hum, his fingers burying deep and massaging your walls until your thighs twitched. “I need you.” Your head fell back, hand leaving his bicep to slap over your mouth in an attempt to silence the cry that left you. “You…need me?” 

Those words were jarring to him, as if a chain of firecrackers had been ignited under his skin. You nodded, helpless and at his mercy as you prayed Satoru and Shoko wouldn’t wander off to figure out where the two of you had gone. You couldn’t quite comprehend what happened next, the sudden retreat of his fingers left you feeling empty, clearing your foggy mind for a second. 

They were quickly replaced with something else, something wet and soft. Your eyes widened considerably when you looked down to see Suguru on his knees, hands gripping the plush of your thighs with his face buried between. He would have given you more if it weren't for his damn pants, he was too impatient to struggle with the high waisted fashion choices he made. 

You couldn’t think again, mind immediately fogging over as you focused solely on Suguru’s head between your legs. The flat of his tongue licking up your folds before delving further, bumping your clit with his nose and earning a strangled noise from you. You bit down on your fist now, not hard enough to draw blood but enough to silence yourself for a bit. 

Suguru didn’t mind, if anything he wanted them to hear you. He wanted to see the shocked look on Satoru’s face when he realized what was happening. He couldn’t lie, this whole rendezvous had started because of an offhand comment Satoru made. One about how he was likely better at pleasing women than Suguru. You knew that's why you were in here too, you felt like you needed to thank Satoru for pushing Suguru to this point, whether that was his intention or not. 

Heat continued to build in your gut, if you could trust yourself to stay balanced you would have let go of the desk and buried your hand in his hair. You wanted to tug the silky black locks from the confines of the bun he always kept them in, watch them cascade around his handsome face and turn messy because of your fingers. Then again, that may make it a little too obvious to your two awaiting friends. “Sugu…” 

You gasped, hand flying from your mouth to grab the desk as you nearly lost your balance. Suguru had started to stand, knocking you back as his arms wrapped around your lower half in a bear hug. Suguru was standing at his full height now, your knees bent over his shoulders while only your mid-back and shoulders pressed into the desk. You could have melted into a puddle the moment his eyes met yours, his mouth still pressed firmly to your cunt. 

“Suguru…” You choked again, hands moving to grip the sides of the desk for some kind of grounding. You could feel him smirk, eyes burning into yours as his tongue lavished you. It was all too much, too lewd, too risky. Your orgasm was building faster than you anticipated, the tingling arousal shooting down your spine and making your legs tense as he teased you. You came with a choked cry of his name, eyes squeezing shut as you rode out your orgasm. 

~

“We’re here.” You blinked, eyes scanning your surroundings as Satoru got out of the car. “Are you sure you’re okay? We can get the food to go and head back to campus.” Shoko’s words were out of concern but her tone was still relaxed. “I’m alright, I could use some time in a busy space.” You lied, the quiet of your dorm room had never sounded so inviting. “Thank you.” You muttered softly to the driver, his small smile told you he was well aware of what was going on. Satoru was already by the front door of the cafe, putting out the butt of his cigarette on a nearby trash can before dropping it in. Shoko did the same, following after you as you entered. 

Satoru’s looks tended to come in handy, his glasses sliding down his nose to show the startling blue of his eyes was all that was needed to get the three of you a seat and bypass the wait. “At least you’re good for something.” You teased him, watching him roll his eyes before smiling. “It’s my duty to get the two of you quick service and good food, even if I have to whore myself out.” For some reason, that had laughter bubbling in your chest, the genuine kind. “Such a noble sacrifice.” You laughed, the menu in your hand shaking as your shoulders bounced. You were too distracted to see the way Satoru’s shoulders seemed to sag in relief as he watched you, for a moment it was like nothing had changed.

If it weren't for the gaping, empty space in the booth beside him, he would have been convinced. 

“What are you going to get, Shoko?” She was the only one actively looking over the menu. “I’m not sure yet, but they do have some options that would be easy on your stomach.” You weren’t sure why but it made your heart ache just a bit, she had been more concerned over your meal than her own. At the very same time, it made you feel small, like you were a bit of a nuisance for having stomach issues… or whatever they were… in the first place. “Oh, alright.” You focused on the menu, aware of their eyes on you as you tried to find something small but appealing. You settled on tamagoyaki and asked for it to be made on the salty side rather than sweet. 

Shoko went for a traditional meal as well while Satoru ventured into their “western” cuisine. His choice sounded so sweet that the thought of it made your teeth hurt. “I don’t know how you do it, Satoru.” you sipped your tea slowly, letting the hot liquid slide down your throat and settle in your stomach. He only shrugged, smiling softly “I’ve yet to find something too sweet for me to handle.” Normally he would have added something flirty but he decided against it. Despite knowing you and Suguru were a couple, it never stopped Satoru’s flirtatious comments. It only bothered Suguru a little bit but he knew his best friend would never cross that kind of line. 

“You may go into cardiac arrest before you meet your match, Satoru.” Shoko snorted, sipping her coffee as she took in the surroundings of the busy cafe. For a moment, you wondered if she was doing what you and Satoru had been subconsciously doing for the last three weeks. “I keep waiting for him to appear.” Your tone was just barely above a whisper, as if even bringing up his existence would cause the world to implode around you. “Me too.” Shoko spoke softly, eyes still looking anywhere but the two of you. Satoru kept quiet, face unusually somber as he sipped his coffee. “I think I’ll eventually go insane.” 

You tried to sound lighthearted but the crack in your voice gave the opposite effect. 

Satoru’s eyes flickered up at that, making your shoulders shrink into the booth. You had quickly come to learn that both of your friends were treating you like fragile porcelain. Though you partially felt the same when talking to them, especially Satoru. Despite the frequent and long nights with each other, little to no words were ever spoken. “I’m fine.” You tried, voice a little stronger than before. “We can talk about these things without falling apart.” It sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than them. Before anyone could speak, the waiter was walking over with your food, effectively stopping any further discussion. 

“Satoru…” You choked as the waiter walked away, eyes focused on the sugary, gooey concoction on the plate before him. “That’s your ticket to the ER.” Shoko was gawking at it too, a bite of food already halfway to her mouth. Satoru, on the other hand, looked like a kid on christmas morning, glasses sliding down his nose with a smile on his face. Your stomach grumbled as he cut into the pancakes, the feeling making you jump just a bit. You actually felt hungry, mouth watering as you looked down at your own plate and moved to take a bite. 

Silence fell over the table as you all ate, within minutes half of your food was gone and you were quietly wishing you had ordered something a little bigger.

“You need a napkin.” You laughed softly, handing Satoru your spare napkin so he could wipe the syrup off of his cheek. “Thanks.” For some reason you couldn't help but think he looked like a little kid. For another reason you couldn’t quite explain, it made sadness sink into your shoulders. He should be here with the three of you, eating and laughing and bringing you the comfort you always looked for in him. Your hands shook as you moved to eat more, not willing to let the surge of emotion get rid of the appetite you rarely had nowadays. 

As you finished your plate, you felt the bubbling wave of nausea build in your stomach. You inhaled slowly, trying to find a way to ease your worries and keep your food down. “Are you okay? You look a little green.” Shoko eyed you with concern, not even a second later Satoru was signaling the waiter for the check. “Y-yeah… told you my stomach was sensitive. That’s the most I've eaten at once in the last three weeks.” You couldn’t stand the embarrassment of making a scene or wasting money on the food you had just consumed. “I’ll be back.” You slipped out of the booth, your friend’s concerned eyes zeroing in on you as you disappeared for the bathroom. 

Luckily for you the bathroom was empty, the fluorescent lights making you flinch as you stumbled to the sink and turned the water on cold. You leaned over it, hands and wrists submerged under the running stream, chest heaving with the effort to remain calm. You were desperate to keep the food down, so desperate you could feel sweat forming on your temple as you tried to focus on anything but the nausea. Suguru’s face flashed through your mind and for a moment you were convinced your knees would give out from under you. 

~

“I told you to take it easy.” He huffs softly, fingers running through your hair as he rakes it away from your face. Carefully, he’s looping one of his elastics around your hair to keep it in place. Your head is still buried in the toilet, you had just finished throwing up for the third time in the last hour. “Are you still with me?” His hand is on your back now, rubbing slow but deliberate circles. Feebly you give him a thumbs up, throat burning from the sting of alcohol coming back up. 

“You didn’t eat much today and then you went and got shit-faced with Shoko.” Suguru stated the obvious, trying not to scold you because he knew you weren’t doing good right now. “I don’t think you have anything else to puke up, do you want some water?” You lifted your head now, reaching for toilet paper to wipe your mouth. “Water sounds good.” Your voice was weaker than Suguru had expected it to sound, his heart aching a bit as he sat beside you on the bathroom floor. 

“I’ll be right back, okay? Just yell if you get scared and I’ll be by your side before you know it.” You nodded, thanking him softly as he got up and disappeared out of your bathroom. You were only seventeen at the time, acting far older than you were and thinking you could get away with it. Now, you are facing the consequences of being naive. Typical for someone your age. Suguru had returned in under two minutes, handing you a glass of room temperature water. “It’ll be easier on your stomach at this temperature.” He chuckled as you grimaced. 

He moved to grab a washcloth from your cabinet, turning the sink water on cold. “And this…” he wrung it out twice before turning off the water “will help focus your attention on something other than the nausea.” He placed the cloth on the back of your neck, watching your shoulders sag in relief as something finally cooled your clammy skin. “Thanks, Sugu.” 

~

“Sugu… I’m scared.” Your voice was barely audible, tears burning your eyes as you squeezed them shut. Somehow it was working, your pain outshining the nausea as you tried to stop yourself from sobbing in the middle of the restroom. A year had passed since that moment in time, you were only eighteen now and yet you felt as if you had grown a decade. Yet, you were reduced to a scared and crying child because of nausea. Get it together. You forced yourself to straighten, hands slightly numb under the current of cold water. 

You forced yourself to make eye contact with your reflection, observing how stark the dark circles were under your eyes. Shoko had been right, you did look a bit green, but it was fading steadily as everything subsided. You let your hands sit under the water for a minute longer before bending over the sink and splashing some on your face. The door to the restroom opened as you straightened again, Shoko was looking at you with worry. “Did you get sick?” you shook your head, turning the water off and reaching for the paper towels. 

“Managed to fight it off… for now.” 

“Satoru paid already, there is a convenient store a couple shops down. We can get you some nausea meds and a barf bag for the ride back… just in case.” You nodded, smiling a bit. “That would probably be a good idea.” you followed her out of the bathroom and through the restaurant, Satoru was standing on the sidewalk with a new cigarette between his lips. “Damn, you really did develop a new habit.” He only shrugged, inhaling deeply before blowing more out. “I’ll get over it at some point.” Knowing him and his will-power, he probably would. 

“I’ll call for the driver, Satoru take her to the convenient store and I’ll catch up.” Satoru nodded, saluting her with a quick “yes ma’am” before grabbing your hand and dragging you along. You didn’t speak until Shoko was out of earshot. “Do you think it’s going to get better?” You appreciated the weight of his hand in yours, though you were certain he could feel how clammy it was. “I think it’ll get more bearable with time.” not better, but tolerable. The thought had your chest feeling heavy as you stepped inside of the small store. 

“Nausea meds and barf bags.” Satoru chuckled, reading the signs above each aisle until he spotted one that seemed like a good start. “You’ll have to see a doctor if this doesn’t ease up… how long has it been going on anyways?” You shuffled behind him, arms crossing due to him letting them go a moment prior. “Shortly after he left, after I found the letter.” Only Satoru knew about the letter that had been left behind. How Suguru managed to get back onto campus and leave it in your dorm was beyond him. You had even let him read it, breaking his heart again. 

“Shoko!” Satoru called, noticing her walk down the aisle before you could even turn your head. “I’m not good with this stuff, what should we get?” Satoru had already grabbed a box of blue cylindrical barf bags for you but the actual meds were basically foreign to him. “I’ll handle it from here, Satoru. You can wait in the car, he should be upfront by now.” Satoru’s brows furrowed, so did yours, but the look in Shoko’s eyes had him shrugging and handing the box to you. “Alright then, I’ll see ya out there.” 

He whistled as he strolled by, your eyes narrowing on Shoko. “What’s this about?” you watched her shuffle through the shelves, picking up one and reading the box before setting it down and moving onto the next. “I don’t know what you mean.” She commented offhandedly, plucking another box and reading it before sighing. “This one should work.” She turned, handing it to you while motioning you to follow her down the aisle. You read it over, nothing out of the ordinary so you truly couldn’t figure out what made this one different from the others. 

You stopped short when Shoko did, eyes scanning the aisle and feeling your stomach drop. “Shoko–” You sighed, she was standing in front of the pregnancy tests. “Listen, I know it’s probably the last thing you want to even think about but I think you should take one.” She was grabbing a box of the cheap tests, the same test that was still residing in the trash can of your bathroom. “Shoko, it's not necessary.” You couldn't bring yourself to tell her you already took one, for some reason you couldn’t tell her it was negative either. 

“I’ll buy them, and you’ll keep them. If this nausea doesn’t subside in like two weeks, I’m forcing you to take them.” You felt your face burning, clutching the nausea meds tightly in your hands as you looked away from her. “Fine.” You sighed, head tilted at her shoes as you followed her up front to the register. Everything was placed neatly in a brown bag so nobody could see the contents. Once in the car, you popped open the barf bags just to keep one ready in the event your nausea returned full force. “I figured you would forget this.” 

You looked up to see Satoru handing you a bottle of water, your lips parting in surprise. “You know me well, Satoru. I did forget.” you took it from him, grabbing the box of nausea meds and ripping them open. You took them and sighed, gulping down water when you realized how thirsty you had been. “If we have nothing else to do today, I think I’ll take a nap.” You were aching for your bed, more tired now than you had been after any missions. “Alright but we’ll wake you up for dinner if we don’t hear from you.” Shoko smiled, cracking the window to light a cig. 

“It’s not even 11am yet.” you snorted. “Yeah but you can sleep like the dead when you really need it, if we don’t wake you, you’ll sleep straight through till tomorrow.” You opened your mouth to deny it, about to use your frequent bathroom breaks as an excuse but stopped yourself. Saying that would only confirm the very thing Shoko was suspicious of. “Alright, fine, whatever.” You resigned with a playful huff, arms crossing as you turned to look out the window. Luckily for you, you managed to make it through the ride without needing to use the bag. 

“I’ll see you later.” You called after them, waving as you headed for the dorms. They both waved back, finding shade under a tree to enjoy more of the sunny morning. You felt your shoulders sagging with each step, your social battery diminished far faster now that Suguru wasn’t always by your side. You had almost grown a bit too dependent on him, thinking he would be a constant in your life. You inhaled shakily, the brown bag crumbling between your fingers as your emotions bubbled to the surface yet again. You couldn't seem to get yourself to your dorm fast enough, hot tears slipping down your cheeks as you shoved the key in the lock. 

It came in heavy waves, making you feel weak as you could only succumb to the sadness festering in your chest. You dropped the bag by the door, kicking off your shoes and shouldering off your uniform jacket. Moving on autopilot, you drew your curtains shut and took off the rest of your clothing, sliding his shirt over your head until you were enveloped in his scent. You were gasping for air by the time your body hit the mattress, curling in on yourself as you sobbed. “I miss you.” You hiccuped, rubbing your eyes as if it would stop the tears. 

God dammit, Suguru, why did you have to do this?

You buried your head in your pillow, trying to drown out your own feelings before sadness turned to anger and you ripped your whole room apart because of it. 

~

“Stop wiggling so much.” His voice sounded like gravel, rumbling the back of your head as he spoke. “Can’t help it.” You retorted, trying your best to settle into a comfortable position. Suguru had you wrapped in a bear hug, his favorite form of affection, especially since he knew you couldn’t get out of his grasp. His arms were covered in thick muscles, something you initially didn't expect because his uniform and choice of baggy clothing typically hid them.

 You could use all your strength and his grip wouldn’t falter.  

“Why not?” he mumbled again, if you had to guess, his eyes were closed as he spoke. “Cause it’s warm, Sugu.” you were both laying on top of the covers, little to no clothing on because of the heat and the broken air conditioning that the school was still trying to fix. Nothing but an old fan swiveling side to side to create some sort of relief. Still, Suguru couldn’t sleep unless you were pressed flush to him, warm or not. “It’s not that bad.” 

“Oh it absolutely is.” you immediately countered, turning your head back to try and look at him. “It could be way worse.” he tried again, fingers thrumming against your side. “Yeah, it could, but it could also be better. Like if you let me go for example.” You wiggled a bit, trying to create space before he pulled you tightly to him again. “Nice try, it’s not happening.” You groaned, going limp in his arms as he began to laugh. “I could totally make it worse for you.” He added softly, lips ghosting your ear. Despite the heat, you shivered. 

“The weirdest things turn you on, Sugu.” 

“Hey, it’s not nice to call yourself weird.” 

You slapped his arm, earning another rumble of laughter as he moved to hover over you. “C’mon, if I make you sweat, it’ll make the breeze from the fan feel colder.” You rolled your eyes, studying his features as he looked down at you, hair framing his face and ghosting yours. “That’s counterproductive, you know.” Your hands were running up his biceps anyway, moving to wrap around his neck and pull him close to you. “Maybe it is, but you can’t say I’m wrong.” 

His head was lowering, giving into your pull with no hesitation. “You’re right, I can’t say you’re wrong. But… I want to.” You smile, pulling him further until your lips melt together. He was radiating warmth, his teeth grazing your bottom lip to ask for entrance. Your lips parted, hands snaking up into his hair and tugging at the strands until he groaned. Suguru braced himself on one hand, making the mattress dip just by your head. The rest of his weight was settled on his knees, caging your hips in so you truly couldn’t get away from him. Not that you wanted too now. 

You felt small beneath him, his bare skin radiating warmth as he used his free hand to push your shirt up. You could ignore the heat for the time being, more focused on the steady beating from between your thighs. “Sugu…” You parted with a gasp, watching him lean up and pull you with him, allowing him to drag your shirt over your head and toss it to the floor before pushing you down again. His lips didn’t return to yours, instead they moved to your neck, kissing along your pulse point until you were whining. “Quiet, baby, don’t forget we’re in my room.” 

Satoru was asleep next door, that realization set in like ice water being dumped over your head. “Suguru.” You choked as his head dipped lower, licking along your collarbone before moving to one of your breasts. He wasn’t going to answer you, and you knew that for a fact by the way his lips curled into a smirk against your skin. “You’re evil.” You gasped, hand fisting his hair tightly as he scraped his teeth along your breast, nipping at the soft skin. Your other hand found its home on his shoulder, nails scratching lightly as his muscles flexed under your grasp. 

You sunk your teeth into your cheek when his lips wrapped around your perked nipple, arousal making it pebble slightly as he sucked. Suguru’s tongue lavished your skin, flicking the bud until your back was arching into his touch. It wasn’t nearly enough, your breath coming out in short pants as you tried to pry him off and focus on your other breast. “These would look so pretty if they were full of milk.” You choked, eyes wide as he looked up at you through his lashes. “Don’t you think?” You couldn’t breathe for a moment, stunned into silence by his comment. 

“C’mon baby, don’t act so shocked.” He cooed softly, the tip of his tongue trailing up your sternum. He didn’t stop until he reached your lips, kissing them softly before dipping his head again. His hand toyed with the breast he had just teased endlessly, brown eyes observing the rate of your breathing before lowering onto your other breast. He repeated the same motions, nipping and sucking the senstive skin until you were squirming from the wetness between your legs.

“You haven't answered me, sweetheart.”

“B-because I don’t know how to answer that, Sugu.” You knew exactly what he was implying, but you couldn’t form a coherent response for him. “You just have to tell me if you agree, it’s pretty simple.” He chuckled, pushing himself up to look down at you. Your hands fell to your sides, his neck just out of your reach. “Just think about it, pretty girl.” You watched him, completely entranced as he pulled his briefs down and his erection sprang free. “Because I’ve been thinking about it a lot.” 

“You have?” You sat up a bit, fingers shakily pulling off your own underwear to save time. “I have.” He confirmed, cheeks turning a shade of red that you could see even in the moonlight. His hand slid along his length, spreading the precum drooling from his tip while his boxers rested at his mid-thigh. “Take those off, Sugu.” You smiled a bit, reaching for the waistband and pulling them taut before letting them snap back against his thigh. “So demanding.” He snorted, letting himself go to push the material off, tossing it to the floor just as you had done with your underwear. 

“So are you, demanding an answer for something so…so…” you couldn’t find the right words, not when his eyes were on you, devouring you whole. “…so what? How does it make you feel?” He redirected, pumping himself leisurely as your thighs fell open for him, still supporting yourself on your elbows as you waited. “How does what make me feel?” A stupid question but you were still reeling from the initial statement. Suguru laughed, hand still gliding over his length as he sat on his knees.

“How does it feel knowing I think about getting you pregnant… all the fucking time.” You couldn’t deny the thought made you feel hot, hotter than you felt from the heat and arousal mixing. Like molten lava was running its way through your bloodstream. “F-feels fucking…” you squirmed a bit, legs moving to close involuntarily until his hand shot out and stopped them. “Go on, pretty girl. Tell me.” You sat up, glaring at him with warm cheeks. “How about you fuck me. Then, maybe, I’ll tell you how I feel about your little fantasies.” Suguru groaned, head falling forward for a moment. 

“Sounds like a good deal to me.” He moved forward, pressing you back into the mattress as he pulled your thighs towards him. Your lips found his neck, sucking on it harshly as he ran the dull head of his cock between your slick folds. You let him move you however he pleased, your legs being pushed almost painfully to your chest as he pressed into you. You gasped in unison, his cock stretching you open easily despite no prep. “Shit…” his head fell forward again, nearly bumping yours as he bottomed out, no space left between the two of you. 

Suguru stayed in place, eyes shut as he focused on the way your walls fluttered and squeezed around him, unable to stay still. Your nails dug into his scalp, pulling a groan from his lips as you tried to relax but couldn’t. He was big, bigger than any fling or partner you had in the past. No matter how easily your cunt accepted him, it still stung for the first few seconds. You had grown to love the deep ache, the weight of him inside you, the way his tip would brush your cervix depending on the position. Like now, with your legs pressed so tightly to your body. 

“Can I move?” his voice was soft, eyes peering into your own once he gained his composure. “Y-yeah.” You breathed out, the feeling of his hands on your skin still sent shockwaves of arousal through you. Especially when his grip tightened, bracing himself on you as he drew his hips back half way before rolling into you again. You moaned, eyes squeezing shut as Suguru found his rhythm, hips meeting yours with a soft slap. “D-Don’t forget Satoru is…” You wailed softly, pleasure building quickly as he moved. “I know…” 

But the smirk on his face told you he no longer cared, he’d gladly listen to his white-haired best friend bitch and moan in the morning about being woken up by you. Suguru’s rhythm only sped up, hips angling perfectly to brush along that one particular spot as he thrust into you, cock head brushing your cervix every few thrusts until your vision was blurring. The pleasure ebbing through your body was more than enough to block out how uncomfortable your current position was. 

A wet squelch started to emit between your legs, loud enough to be heard over the drone of the fan as Suguru pounded into you. “So…” he started, voice strained as sweat dripped down his temple. “... can you tell me how it makes you feel now?” You blinked, awestruck that he was still hooked on getting an answer from you. “S-suguru…” you whined, head falling further into the pillows. “I’m not letting it go…ha… Tell me how it makes you feel.” he ground out, hips slowing just a bit. When you didn’t speak, he pressed more of his weight into you so one hand could break free. 

You moaned, loud and unrestrained as his fingers ghosted across your swollen clit, the sudden contact making you see stars. “Tell me how it makes you feel.” he repeated, watching your face go slack as his fingers and hips worked in tandem. “Makes me hot…” You admitted with a heavy breath, eyes struggling to focus on him. “I want you to do it, Sugu… fuck me till I’m pregnant.” The look on his face had you shrinking further into the mattress, an almost animalistic look taking over his eyes as he stopped moving all together. “Say it again.” 

“I want you to fuck me ‘til I’m pregnant, Suguru.”  

~

You woke up in a sweat, gasping for air as you stumbled out of bed and barreled to the bathroom. You couldn’t stop the nausea this time, knees hitting the tile floor with bruising force as you heaved into the toilet. You hadn’t even remembered falling asleep, but your dream was enough to send you into a death spiral. Tears burned your eyes as the little bit of breakfast you hadn’t digested came back up. Luckily for you, you had slept long enough that your food from this morning wasn’t a total loss. Nothing more than bile was left as you finally calmed down. 

You reached for toilet paper, wiping your tears and blowing your nose until you could at least breath without difficulty. Aching, you got up, flushing the toilet and washing your hands and face. You had no idea what time it was but you assumed it wasn’t late enough for dinner if Shoko never came to wake you up. At least that’s what you thought as you stumbled back into your dorm room slightly sweaty. That’s odd… The sun had begun to set just beyond your window, your eyes flickering to your alarm clock. 7:23pm stared back at you in big red numbers. 

I slept for over eight hours? You looked for your phone, seeing the missed text from Shoko. 

Shoko: I decided against waking you up, I figured you could use the sleep. Just text me when you’re awake and I can bring you dinner

You were partially grateful for her decision, your face still warm as your dream lingered in your mind. Dreaming of the past, how cliche. You sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed. You had woken up so suddenly, adrenaline blocking out the sleepiness at first. Now, your body seemed to thrum with a dull ache, the headrush coming back around to kick you while you were down. You reached over to turn on the small lap residing on your nightstand, eyes squinting for a moment as you adjusted. Your eyes focused on the brown bag from earlier, the one you discarded on your floor after coming back. 

You knew there was water in there still, so you got up and grabbed it, looking at the bag contents in disdain. You emptied it on your desk, nausea meds, barf bags and the box of pregnancy tests. You studied then as you gulped down some of the water, easing the burn in your throat. The pregnancy tests Shoko had insisted on were identical to the one you took this morning. Weirdly enough you wished she had grabbed the more expensive digital ones. That way you wouldn't have to strain yourself trying to figure out if a second line was present or not. 

“Fuck it.” you sighed, dropping the now empty water bottle in the small barrel you kept beside your desk. You still had one more test in the box from this morning, you’d take another one just because of the memories lingering on your mind. Your face felt warm as you recalled that particular night from a few months back. Suguru had been pretty adamant after that, fucking you raw and in ernest with every intention of knocking you up. You, stupidly, let him because you love him and loved the idea of having a family with him. “Idiot.” 

You scolded yourself again, ripping the foil wrapper and tossing it in your trash with the now empty box. You went through the same process as you did that morning, peeing into a cup and dipping the absorbent end into it for ten seconds before capping it and discarding the rest of the contents. You forced yourself to leave the bathroom this time, convinced it would make time go by faster. The text Shoko had sent was still left unanswered, you couldn’t even bring yourself to feel hungry at that moment in time. 

You’d text her in a little while though, or else she’d likely come breaking your door down thinking you had run away. Just then, your phone vibrated with the ringtone you had set for Satoru. You grabbed it, flipping it open to see what he had to say. On the screen there was a message from him, asking if you wanted to hang out on the rooftop to watch the stars later on. You smiled a bit, it was rare for Satoru to ask things so formally. You clicked out a message, telling him yes and that you could use some fresh air. 

It took him no time at all to send a happy emoticon, one that had you rolling your eyes as you typed back that you’d meet him at his dorm when you were ready. You backed out of the chat, eyes lingering on a particular contact, your message to him was naturally left unanswered. You had given up texting Suguru’s number when the messages no longer got delivered. You figured he’d discard his phone, throw away any direct contact he had with the three of you. You snapped your phone shut a moment later, you’d text Shoko after you got dressed.

Opening your closet was still proving to be a bit difficult, especially as your fingers trailed over the material of the clothing Suguru had kept in your room. They smelt like the laundry detergent he used as well as his cologne, it took your breath away for a moment. You forced yourself away, grabbing some comfortable clothes that were actually yours before shutting the door. You didn’t think you’d ever be able to discard his clothing, despite knowing he wasn’t coming back to you. 

You pulled his shirt over your head, grabbing your own and replacing it. You pulled on a pair of shorts after, rubbing your face with your hands as you looked at your appearance in the mirror. No amount of sleep seemed to help the dark circles under your eyes or the sickly look to your complexion. You could only hope Satoru was right, with time it would become more manageable. You glanced at your alarm clock, 7:48pm stared back at you now. The sky outside your window had turned indigo, the sun minutes away from being completely out of sight. The summer was coming to an end, filling your chest with melancholy.

You couldn’t stand being alone in that moment, grabbing your phone and shoving it in your pocket as you made a beeline for your door. You made your way down the hall, remembering as you passed Shoko’s dorm that you needed to text her. Stopping in your tracks, you figured it would just be easier to see her in person. “Shoko?” you called, fingers tapping the door softly because she hated when people knocked too loud. “Coming.” You heard her rustling around her room before the door opened, a half smoked cigarette hanging from her lips. 

“Thought Yaga told you no smoking inside.”  

“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him, and my window is open.” 

You smiled, “I’m hanging out with Satoru on the roof if you wanna join us.” Shoko exhaled, puffing just a bit of smoke in your direction. “I’d love to but I spent the whole afternoon with him ‘cause you were sleeping.” You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck “my bad.” but Shoko was waving you off. “Don’t apologize, you need sleep… I’ll trust Satoru to feed you if you’re hungry.” She smiled as you rolled your eyes “Alright alright, enjoy the rest of your bad habit and I’ll take Satoru duty.” The look in Shoko’s eyes made your smile falter for just a moment. 

They looked oddly wistful, but it vanished just as quickly as your smile faltered. “Aye aye captain.” Shoko started to shut the door as you turned to leave, watching you go for just a moment before shutting it completely. “Satoru.” You drawled, banging on his door so you could be heard over the music he was playing. “Oi, keep it down!” the door swung open a moment later, a cheeky grin on his face as he looked at you. “Ready to go?” He looked cozy in an oversized black hoodie and sweats, sunglasses resting on top of his head. 

“Sure am.” you returned his smile, the ache in your chest easing just a bit. It was more bearable when you had someone who understood the pain you felt deeper than surface level. You watched him turn, shutting off his music and the lights before stepping into the hallway. “Are we going to take the normal way or are you going to test out your blue?” Satoru’s eyes seemed to sparkle as you suggested he use his curse technique. “If you insist on blue…” You couldn’t even make a sound as his arm wrapped around your waist, hauling you off of your feet. 

In the blink of an eye, you were exposed to the cooling night air. “Damn.” You laughed as he set you down, shuffling over to the small lock box you kept up here with spare blankets and, as Shoko claimed, “necessities”...Which were just two cartons of emergency cigarettes. “Didn’t disorient you, right?” Satoru was standing on the edge, observing the glow of the city in the distance. “Not even a little, you’ve improved a lot, Satoru.” your back was turned to him, so you missed the way his eyes widened slightly, cheeks turning pink. 

“Thanks” 

You turned back to him, blankets in hand. “So…” You walked over to where he was standing, taking a seat just before the edge and letting your legs dangle off. “...So?” Satoru looked down at you, watching you settle. “Why did you want to come up here… I’d love to gaze at the stars but it’s not like we’ll actually see any with all the light pollution.” Satoru sighed, dropping down to squat beside you. “I guess I just wanted your company… ya know since you’re probably the only other person that understands this.” his tone was awkward, it wasn’t often that you were sentimental… or serious for that matter… with each other. 

“Your welcome to have my company any time, Satoru. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you.” It was so heartfelt it made you feel strange. “Sorry.” You added, a bit meeker than before when he stiffened a bit. “Don’t be sorry, just not used to being so… serious with you.”  He sat fully now, shoulder brushing yours as a silent invitation for you to rest your head. You did, just as you always had, watching the lights of the city a few miles away. “It’s strange, isn’t it?” You spoke in a gentle tone, hoping he knew what you meant. 

“It is. Knowing he’s there, that he’s okay… while we’re sitting here sulking like idiots.” There was a small bite to his tone as he finished, one that quickly left when he exhaled. “It pisses me off.” It made you upset too, anger bubbling in the back of your mind like a pot of boiling water that was going to overflow at any second. “It pisses me off too, because I truly can’t understand it. I’ve killed myself over the last three weeks trying to understand, to make sense of it. I can’t and I don’t think I ever will. But it’s not my place to reason with it, you know?” 

Satoru was silent, waiting for you to continue. “It’s not my life, it’s his. I tried for months to get it out of him, I tried so goddamn hard to get him to open up and he never did. Always redirecting, always avoiding.” You sounded defeated by the end, blinking away the tears that blurred your vision so you could regain composure. “Why didn��t you come to me?” Satoru questioned softly, letting your words sink in like an anchor. 

“He gave you so many signs, Satoru. If you couldn’t see them, it wasn’t my place to assist.” 

Satoru felt like that should have made him angry, but it didn’t. Mostly because you were right, it had been obvious from the start but he had naively pushed them to the side, pretending it wasn’t true. He was just as much at fault, if anything he was willing to shoulder all of the blame. Because at least you tried. He couldn’t say the same, and he knew that far too well. “Suguru made up his mind the moment he entered that village. There is no stopping a man who is set in their resolve. You said it yourself, Satoru. He looked healthier, happier, content.” 

Satoru took in a shaky breath, leaning into you just as you leaned into him. “I just don’t get why he needed to kill his parents.” Your eyes closed, that was the thought weighing heaviest on your mind. “He needed to prove to himself that he was doing the right thing. That nobody, not even his parents, were an exception to his newfound ideology.” It killed you to say it, especially since you had met his parents last winter break. They were kind, at least his mother was. His father was a bit colder but there was still an undeniable love for his son. They had welcomed you so openly, they were proud of the son they had raised. 

Now they were gone, nobody but Suguru was to blame. 

“In a fucked up way, I don’t care that he killed those people.” The words felt bitter on your tongue, but his letter flashed through your mind and for a moment you understood him. Those two little girls, beaten and caged, scared and facing death for things they never did. Hell, had you gone on the mission with him, you may have encouraged his choices. That realization felt weird as it settled in your gut. “I… I don’t really care either.” Satoru admitted softly, thinking back over the last year, thinking about Amanai. He had been seconds away from doing the same thing. 

But Suguru had been his voice of reason, stopping him with a simple command. It should have been obvious then, that Suguru’s life was completely altered from that moment forward. “It was so obvious.” He hissed softly, head falling forward just a bit as anger squeezed his heart. “There is nothing we can do now, Satoru. Nothing we can do will reverse the damage that has been done.” You wished you could believe your own words, part of you wanted to catch a train into the city and barrel into that religious group he took over. 

You weren’t even sure what you’d do if you did. Hit him, yell at him? Crumple into his arms like the sucker you were. Maybe a mix of all three, no, it would definitely be a mix of all three. You couldn’t help but wonder how he would react if he saw you again. He made it clear in his letter that he loved you, he still loved you, he would always love you. If you made the choice to leave, would he welcome you in with open arms. Or was he resenting you already for not doing so sooner. Was he waiting for you? Or was it nothing more than sweet-talk. 

“You’re not breathing.” Satoru muttered softly, tilting his head just a bit to look down at you. “Oh…” You inhaled deeply, laughing a bit  as you exhaled “got lost in thought.” You felt Satoru relax again, head resting against yours. “I get it.” You fell into a comfortable silence, watching as the sky steadily turned from a deep blue to pitch black. There, if you squint hard enough, you could make out a couple of sparkling stars. 

You knew if you asked, Satoru could probably whisk you somewhere far away. Somewhere clear so you could actually see the stars with no obstructions. 

Yet you were too comfortable, too warm. 

Sitting where you were now was more than enough for the time being. That feeling of content actually took the air from your lungs for a moment, blinking steadily as you took in your surroundings. There was a fleeting moment where your heart felt light, that aching heaviness that had been plaguing it for the last three weeks wasn’t present. You wondered quietly if Satoru felt it too. Given the way his body seemed completely relaxed into yours, you assumed he did. 

~

You were stumbling down the hall like a drunkard. Your mind felt numb as you moved, head tilted down and expression blank. If anyone were to cross your path at that given moment, they probably would have been unsettled by the sight of you. A zombie moving on autopilot, your brain moving so quickly that it had reduced everything to a quiet, droning buzz. 

Murder. 112 people. His parents too. He’s gone. He snapped. He’s a murderer. Suguru is gone. 

Nothing made sense, not a single bit of the information you had received made any sense. The fact that Suguru wasn’t answering your frequent texts wasn't making sense. The fact that you had woken up to an empty bed wasn’t making sense. The fact that people were telling you Suguru, your Suguru, had taken over a hundred lives in the span of one night wasn’t making any fucking sense. 

Your knees nearly gave out the moment your hand met the wood of your door, pushing it open so quickly it slammed into the wall with a loud thud before coming back at you. Not that you cared, at that moment you could be set on fire and you wouldn’t blink an eye. 

You stood in the middle of your dorm room, eyes scanning the room as if it were something foreign. Nothing was making sense, not even your bed looked like your own. It was the pressure cracking down on you already, sinking its claws into your shoulders and forcing you to your knees as the weight of your new reality hit you like a freight train. You couldn’t even bring yourself to cry in that moment, too shell shocked over the report Yaga had read to you and Satoru. 

Satoru. 

You had stumbled away shortly after the report was finished, barely registering the way he had started to yell. You hadn’t looked back, but it wasn’t like either of them tried to stop you. Despite having just stumbled away from him, you found yourself moving to leave and find him again. At least you would have if your knees didn’t give out on you. You gasped, more out of surprise than pain as your legs made contact with the wooden floor. You sat there for a moment, arms feeling equally as weak as you pushed yourself into a sitting position. 

You felt your chest tighten, every breath felt strangled as you tried to inhale. A cold sweat seemed to cover your skin, fingers shaking slightly as you pushed your hair from your face. You couldn’t move, completely paralyzed by shock. It felt like your heart was shattering, every shaky inhale deepening the wound. Still, your tears would not come. Not even as black spots began to obstruct your vision, chest heaving as you began to hyperventilate. 

Despite your body vibrating in distress, you felt a nearly silent calm. Like someone had flicked off the switch and stole your ability to hear.

Nothing and everything all at once. 

~

“Hey? Y/N wake up…” You jumped a bit, hand coming up to touch the wetness on your cheeks. “You were crying in your sleep.” Satoru muttered softly, hand smoothing over your hair as he cradled you. “I-I was?” You didn’t even realize the change in position or the change in scenery. You were no longer sitting by the roof’s edge, instead you were sitting in Satoru’s lap, his arms holding you tightly as he looked at you with worry. 

“You were.” he confirmed, letting you go just as you woke up fully. “Sorry for worrying you, I was just thinking about him… it’s so strange. I’ve been having such intense dreams of the past… I've had dreamless sleep for the last three weeks… so why now?” Satoru sighed, watching you get up to stand and stretch your limbs. “I don’t know. I’ve been having odd dreams about him but I don’t really remember how most of them go by the time I wake up.”

“It’s the universe’s way of torturing us… as if we haven’t been tortured enough. Wait, how long have I been asleep?” The temperature had dropped significantly, the moon was shining high in the sky now. “About an hour or so, I was actually going to bring you back inside but you started to cry and… well here we are now.” Satoru got up, stretching dramatically as you sighed. “You’d think after sleeping for eight hours I wouldn't be tired.” 

You walked to the edge of the roof again, feet pressing firmly to the ledge as you looked down. “Being depressed will suck the soul out of you.” For some reason you couldn’t help but laugh. “You seem pretty wide awake, Satoru.” He joined you on the ledge, pushing you a bit to the side. Your training gave you quick reflexes so you didn’t flinch when he did it. “Oh please, you know I’m right.” You glanced at him, laughing softly. 

“You are, but so am I. We can be depressed morons together.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, earning another laugh as you punched his shoulder. “Touche, Gojo” 

“Yuck, never call me that again.” His face had morphed into a scowl as you used his last name. He never liked hearing you call him anything other than Satoru. “Fine.” you crossed your arms over your chest, inhaling the cool air. “I think I’m gonna go shower and maybe make something small for dinner… Just so Shoko doesn’t string the two of us up on a lamppost.” Satoru nodded, watching you step off the ledge and move about the roof to put the blankets away. 

“I’ll accompany you.” he jumped down, trailing behind you as you moved to open the door that would bring you downstairs. “In the shower? I’m flattered but–” the way his eyes rolled were enough to stop you mid-sentence. “Joking, Satoru.” he sighed out an “I know” closing the distance to haul you up. “Using the stairs is boring.” Within the blink of an eye, you were back inside and standing in front of your dorm room. 

“Text me when you’re done showering and we can go get food.” 

You nodded, one of the perks of attending school in Tokyo was the fact that the city never slept. You could go find a place to eat at three in the morning and they’d still serve you hot food. Your body sagged against the door of your dorm after shutting it. Flicking on the lights lit the room in a warm, golden glow. For the last three years you considered your room a sanctuary, it was your happy place after a long day of training. Now, it feels oddly cold. 

You walked over to your dresser, pulling the top drawer open to grab a fresh pair of underwear and pajamas for after. You tossed them on your bed, reaching down for your bottom drawer to grab a particular towel you liked. It didn’t take you long to put your hair up, not in the mood to wash it just yet, and head to the bathroom. You squinted a bit as the nearly white fluorescent lights filled the room, if you had your way you’d change them to something softer. 

It took all of five seconds for your world to come crashing down around you again, eyes zeroing in on the pregnancy test sitting on your counter. I fucking forgot about it…

You set your towel down on the counter, holding your breath as you took the step and reached for the test. You gave yourself no time to prepare, eyes scanning the results once before it hit you like a ton of bricks. You dropped it, letting it clatter on the porcelain counter as a jagged sob ruptured from your chest. Your hand came up to cover your mouth, the other resting on your chest, your heart thumping so wildly you were certain it would burst. 

There, on the test, were two lines. It was positive. 

You nearly fell forward, dropping down to the trash can beside your sink and rummaging through it without hesitation. Your fingers wrapped around the plastic test from this morning, yanking it up and looking at the results again. There, on the initial test from that morning, were two lines. You didn’t drop it this time, eyes staring at the results as if they’d change. Positive, this whole time it had been positive. You just hadn’t let the first test develop long enough. 

“When… How…” You uttered softly, the logical part of your brain screaming at you to be realistic for a second rather than acting so surprised. The irrational side of your brain was still reeling from the revelation. As if Suguru hadn’t been adamant in trying to knock you up for months. “You fucking bastard… you get your way and leave me with the aftermath.” You were struggling, there was no way you’d be able to pinpoint when it happened until you found out how far along you were. For some reason, that was what made reality really set in. 

Hot tears streaked your face, sobbing so harshly that it felt like your lungs would collapse on you. You moved in a blur, legs carrying you out of your dorm and down the hall until you were pushing open Satoru’s door. “Woah there, sounds like someone’s hun…” He looked up, the teasing tone in his voice dropping immediately when he saw the tears streaming down your face. “What the fuck happened? Are you hurt?” Satoru crossed the room in two long strides, hands cupping your face as your lips wobbled. 

You couldn’t get the words out, crying harder as he ran his hands over you searching for some type of wound. “C’mon, what happened?” His tone had more of a bite to it than he intended but you were causing panic to seep through his veins. You couldn’t breathe, legs nearly buckling under the weight of your reality. Satoru seemed to catch this, hands shooting out to support you as he brought both of you to the floor. “Y/N, please.” he urged you, throat feeling tight. 

You shook your head, still sobbing as you raised your hand meekly, the positive pregnancy test out in the open for him to see. Blue eyes widened significantly when he saw it, he didn’t even need to see the two lines to understand why you were so hysterical. “Oh…oh.” he swallowed, hand shakily taking the test from your hand to look at it. “Oh fuck.” it was just barely above a whisper, arm holding you just a little tighter as you cried into his chest. 

At least part of you was aware of the possibility, Satoru on the other hand felt completely blindsided. “You two didn’t use protection?” He uttered softly, rocking you slightly without thinking as your cries continued, you couldn’t think at that moment, unable to calm yourself down. You managed to shake your head in response, unable to feel embarrassed as you admitted to not using condoms when with Suguru. “Fuck… did you ever use protection with him?” 

He knew the answer, of course he fucking knew the answer. Suguru was utterly obsessed with you, so in love it was nearly nauseating. You shook your head again, confirming that you’d never once used protection with him. “Hey… c’mon…” he started softly when your body shook with the force of your cries but you were no longer making any sounds. He wanted to say it would be alright but he wasn’t sure if it would be. 

That answer relied on you. 

He couldn’t expect you to be alright, you had your heart broken three weeks prior by the man who often talked about proposing to you as soon as you all graduated. If those were the kind of conversations Suguru was having with him, he couldn’t imagine the conversations Suguru had been having with you. Well, that was a bit of a lie. Considering your reaction to the test results, it seemed this was a long sought after goal. Your cries were from heartbreak, not fear. 

~

“I’ve been looking at rings.” Satoru glanced up, noodles dangling half way from his lips. “Hah?” He watched Suguru grimace a bit, some broth splattering as Satoru questioned him. “I’ve been looking at rings for Y/N.” Suguru stated again, a little more cautiously now, watching Satoru slurp the rest of the noodles into his mouth. “Suguru, we haven’t even entered our third year.” 

“I know, but…” he shrugged, unable to formulate the right way to say it. “...But? You’re not even eighteen yet, neither is she.” It wasn’t that Satoru didn’t think it was okay, he just figured you were both way too young to even fathom those things. “I don’t intend on proposing to her until we’ve graduated. Listen I know it seems fast but…” Suguru's hands fidgeted with his utensils for a moment, eyes avoiding Satoru until he was ready.

“I love her, Satoru. I didn’t even think it was possible to love someone as much as I love her.” 

Satoru blinked, a bit taken back by such a bold declaration over a bowl of cheap ramen. “I’m not doubting that you love her, Suguru. I just think it’s a bit crazy to think about these things so young.” Suguru sighed, watching Satoru with weary eyes as he moved to eat more noodles. 

“We’re sourcers, Satoru. A long life isn’t guaranteed.” 

~

“Breathe, please. You’re going to pass out.” Satoru’s hand was slapping your back as you coughed, the tears had finally begun to slow but you still weren’t able to form a coherent sentence. “Please…” he tried again, watching you try your best to take a deep breath. It was followed by another, this time it wasn’t superficial. After a couple more, you were able to rub the tears from your eyes and look at him without blurry vision. 

“S-satoru I’m so so-sorry.” you hiccuped, your throat feeling raw from your crying. “You have nothing to apologize for, stop feeling like you have to apologize for everything you do.” he let you go a bit, motioning for you to get up with him and sit on his bed rather than the floor. He watched you crawl under his covers, curling up against his pillows, sniffling softly. Despite the weight of the conversation you were about to have, Satoru couldn’t help but chuckle. 

He crawled onto his bed as well, sitting beside you but above the covers. “So… I guess the best place to start is… how did this happen. By that I mean, was it intentional?” You sighed, toying with the end of his pillow case as you spoke. “Suguru had been trying to get me pregnant for months now.” You felt warmth flood your cheeks, it felt awkward admitting something like that. “I knew the bastard had a breeding kink.” Satoru said it more to himself than you, but that didn’t stop the shrill yell of his name as you slapped his arm. 

“I’m being honest! He just seemed like the type.” Satoru shrugged, holding back laughter as you rolled your eyes and settled back into sulking. “I shouldn’t be so blindsided by this, but it’s fucking ironic that he got what he wanted after he fucking left me… us.” you corrected softly, feeling selfish for being so focused on yourself when Satoru was hurting too. “The universe knows how to play cruel jokes, I’ve thought that my whole life. But, that’s beside the point. We can’t sit here and sulk over it, we need to talk about what to do next.” 

You looked up at Satoru, eyes red from crying. It hurt his heart, you looked like a kicked puppy. In that moment he realized how heavily he relied on Suguru, because even now he found himself itching to grab his phone and call him for advice. What was worse, you were now looking to him for help, when really he was just as scared as you. “The next logical step is I need to find a doctor who can run a blood test and confirm the store bought tests are accurate. After that, they need to tell me how far along I am so I can pinpoint when this happened.”

Satoru nodded, you’d both have to fill in Shoko in the morning, she’d be able to help with all the medical bits. “I… I know this seems a bit invasive so please don’t take offense… but are you going to keep it?” Satoru fidgeted a bit, eyes watching as you seemed to zone out and think. Your initial answer was yes, of course, but were you really capable of raising a baby on your own? Then again, you didn’t think you could stomach giving them away for adoption, and you certainly didn’t want to get rid of them. Not after you chased this goal for months, regardless of the way things were right now. “Yeah, as terrifying as it is, I want this baby, Satoru.” 

“Okay, so we got two of the biggest things out of the way. Now, the hardest…” you huffed as he trailed off, you weren’t entirely sure you were ready to answer the next question. “What do we do about Suguru, that’s what you’re going to say, right?” It was Satoru’s turn to huff now, nodding as he looked away from you to stare at his hands.

“He… he needs to know.” 

“No the fuck he doesn’t.” 

You both stared at each other, completely scandalized by the other’s response. “Satoru… He needs to know… he…he’s the fucking dad? How am I supposed to jus–” Satoru shook his head, hands coming up to rub his face before letting them fall back to his lap. “Suguru is a fucking criminal now, he murdered people. Hundreds of people I should fucking remind you and you just want to waltz back into his fucking life and tell him that shit?” You sat up now, eyes burning holes into his skull as you waited for him to at least look at you. “Do you hear yourself?” 

You were seething, that same anger you held for Suguru leaving was now bubbling at Satoru for uttering his name like it was pure filth. Satoru stiffened, eyes turning to glare at you. But, every ounce of anger seemed to drain from his body when he saw nothing but hurt glowing in your tired and puffy eyes. “I fucking get it, Satoru. I know what Suguru did but fuck, how am I supposed to just get over him? How am I supposed to carry his child for nine months and push it out of my body just to raise it on my fucking own and never tell him? He’s the one that wanted this in the first place!” Tears glossed your eyes over, hands shaking as they fisted in his sheets.

His mouth opened before closing again, eyes looking away from you because he knew he'd never be able to try and talk sense into you when you looked at him like that. “And what if the child is unable to see curses?” he sounded defeated. “What then, Y/N? What if you give birth to this baby and they lack the ability to see them? That baby would be the very thing Suguru hates.” You froze, it felt like someone had poured ice water down the back of your neck. “If he didn’t spare his own parents, he won’t spare his own child.” Satoru swallowed, looking like he wanted to say so much more but didn’t. He let the words hang there, heavy and dark. 

The silence stretched on between the two of you, mostly because you knew he was right. Just because both parents had the ability to see into the curse world and use curse energy, it didn’t guarantee that their offspring would also carry the same blessing. You blinked, hand subconsciously moving to rest over your stomach, as if it would do anything to protect them. “Suguru he… he wouldn’t…” Your words were weak and at that moment Satoru couldn’t bring himself to really fight with you. “But he would, y/n that’s the fucking issue, he would.” his voice was breaking, unsure if he should say what he wanted to say next. 

“Then what am I going to do?” You were going to dissolve, tears burning your eyes again as the harsh reality began to sink in. “Let me help you, let me help you raise the baby. I can easily provide for the two of you.” He turned to look at you now, eyes burning with such intensity it stole the air from your lungs. “What?” you hadn’t meant for it to sound offended, you were shocked to say the least, but still the hurt that flashed through his features made you feel the urge to reach out and hug him. “Satoru I didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh…” You moved forward, arms wrapping tightly around his neck and hugging him. 

It took a second but his arms came up to wrap around your middle, holding you tightly. “It’s okay, it was a bold statement to make so suddenly.” he soothed you when really you felt that you  should be the one soothing him. “No it’s fine, really it just caught me by surprise and…” you hugged him a little tighter, burying your face in his neck. For a moment you nearly stiffened, that was something you usually did to seek comfort from Suguru. In that moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away, finding comfort in Satoru’s reassuring embrace. “You don’t have to answer me tonight.” He hushed you, hand coming up to smooth your hair as he kept you close. “I doubt you have an appetite now, how about we just sleep?” 

“I still need to shower.” You pulled away, laughing softly when you remembered what you had been in the process of doing before your world flipped. “Okay, then go and shower but please come back to me when you’re done.” His tone was quiet, something in it held no room for you to disagree. So, you let go of him reluctantly, nodding as you crawled over him to stand. “Again, you don’t have to answer me tonight, or tomorrow, or even next week. But please, think about what I said.” He stayed on his bed, watching you shakily grab the pregnancy test before heading for his door. “I will, Satoru. Keep my spot warm.” you smiled at him over your shoulder, heart still heavy as you disappeared through the open door. 

The hot water on your skin wasn’t enough to wash away the dread growing in your chest. You found your hands absentmindedly running along your abdomen, still finding it hard to believe something was there, something that would grow into a living breathing human in a few months time. A mix of you and Suguru, how strange. This wasn’t how you imagined it would happen, nor were these the feelings you expected to experience when the time came. If anything, it made you more upset. You should be happy, you should be fucking estatic. You should be basking in the euphoric state of knowing you’d be having a child with the man you adored. 

Instead, you had sobbed in the arms of his best friend, completely hysterical. And the man you loved had no idea you were even pregnant, that the very thing he wanted had been achieved and he wouldn’t even get to know. At least not yet. You had taken Satoru’s words into consideration, of course you did. But in the back of your mind, you knew there was no way you’d be able to go on with your life without ever telling Suguru. He would know, he would know of his child, you were already set on that. You twisted the knob, the water turning off a second later as you got out and dried yourself off a bit before wrapping the towel around you. 

Your body was aching from the events of the last few hours. Returning to Satoru’s room and sleeping in his warm bed sounded like heaven to you. Sleeping next to someone again felt like heaven to you. You had to wonder what Suguru would think if he knew you were sharing his best friend’s bed – albeit nothing sexual was occuring between the two of you. And even then, Suguru had broken up with you in that letter, you were technically no longer his. The thought made you feel sick as you reached for the clothing you had laid on your bed. You pulled the shorts on first, reaching for the oversized shirt second, trying to ignore the nausea building in your gut. 

You moved around your room without thinking, flicking the lights off before heading out the door and back down the hall. Satoru had changed into his own pajamas, hair damp from the shower he must have taken while you went to take yours. He only had his bedside lamp on, the pace beside him vacant and waiting for you. “Are you sure you don’t want food?” he questioned softly as you shut the door behind you. “I’ll eat a good breakfast if my morning sickness allows.” Those words felt foreign, referring to your nausea as morning sickness felt so bizarre. “Alright but if you wake up in the middle of the night starving don’t hesitate to wake me up.”

You laughed softly, huffing out an “okay” as you crawled over him and under the covers once more. Satoru pulled the blankets up over both of you before reaching over and flicking off the light. “Goodnight.” he spoke softly, settling into his bed as you rolled onto your side to get comfortable. “Night, Satoru.” You whispered back, eyes already feeling heavy, the comfort his bed offered was no match for the gnawing reality you were facing. For now, you were thankful for it. 

~

“Think fast!” You laughed, hurtling one of the poles directly in Satoru’s direction. He turned, using infinity to block it just before it hit his face. “Nice! Your reflexes are getting faster.” You picked up another weapon, Suguru was watching you intently, an easy smile on his face. “Sugu!” You called, aiming to throw another pole. “Think fast.” you repeated, arm going back before using every ounce of strength to beeline it straight at him. Suguru smiled, summoning a curse easily to deflect it. “Not bad.” you winked, watching him roll his eyes as the curse disappeared.

“Y’all are gross.” Satoru drawled, pushing his glasses up his nose. “We didn’t even say anything?” Suguru countered, stepping out of the shade and into the sun. “You don’t need to say anything, the tension is almost unbearable.” Shoko chimed, twirling her lighter around her fingers as she watched the three of you. This time you couldn’t help but laugh, letting Suguru close the distance and wrap an arm around your waist. “See, gross!” Satoru sighed dramatically as you kissed Suguru’s cheek. “It’s called being in love, something you wouldn’t get, Satoru.” You stuck your tongue out at him, laughing as he rolled his eyes. 

“Well if you’re gonna be all gross and lovey with one another, go do it in private.” 

“Okay.” 

You and Suguru spoke in unison, a shrill laugh leaving you as he bent down and hauled you up and over his shoulder. Naturally Shoko faked a gagging noise, watching as he carried you away with a smile. “They’re so gross.” Satoru commented again, eyes following the two of you until you were completely out of sight. Though, he couldn't deny the small smile tugging at his lips. 

“Suguru.” you slapped his back lightly, he was still carrying you over his shoulder even after entering the dorm buildings. “Hmm?” he paid you no mind as he climbed the stairs, his end destination would be your dorm room… more specifically your bed. “You can put me down now.” You knew he wouldn’t, so you opted for running your hands along his back, feeling his steps falter for a moment before composing himself. “I’ll put you down when I’m good and ready.” 

You rolled your eyes, playfully swatting at his ass. “Alright, that's it. You’re getting punished.” His words were very matter-of-fact, so much so that you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Okay dad.” Suguru didn’t miss a beat, stalking down the hallway towards your dorm room. “Yeah, I’m trying to become one so it would help me out if you cooperated.” You made a strangled noise, it had been three weeks since Suguru admitted to wanting to get you pregnant. Needless to say, he wasn’t giving up any time soon. 

“You just want a reason to fuck me.” You tried to counter, jumping a bit as he pushed into your dorm room and kicked the door closed behind him. “I don’t need a reason to fuck you, baby.” You couldn't describe the noise you made, whiplash taking over as he tossed you onto your bed. “I guess that’s true…” You pushed up on your elbows, watching him pull his white shirt up and over his head, knocking his hair out of his bun in the process. “You’ll be good for me right?” He was dropping to his knees before you, a gentle plea of his name leaving your lips.

“Atta girl.” he murmured, warm fingers hooking in the waistband of your shorts and pulling them down. You watched him with parted lips, watching the way his eyes observed you. “Already wet? How fucking filthy.” his hands splayed along your thighs, pushing them wide open so he could really look at you. “Just because I picked you up? Or maybe it was from wrapping my arms around your waist?” He teased, pulling one hand from your thigh to spread your cunt open instead. “Tell me, pretty girl… what has you so worked up already?” 

“All of it.” You’re breathless as you look at him, no shame in your eyes as you admit how badly you want him. Suguru smiled, fingers keeping you spread as he watched the arousal pool at your entrance. “All of it, hmm? I make you that horny?” His tone was light but the look in his eyes was anything but. You could feel him devouring you whole. “Yeah, you fucking do.” You tried to keep your hips still, praying he’d do something other than watch you grow wetter by the second. “Tell me something, would you?” he pulled his eyes away to meet yours. 

“Anything.” You comment softly, waiting to hear what he had to say. Suguru smiled, fighting the urge to reach up and tuck some of your hair behind your ear. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.” His voice was barely a whisper, pupils blown wide as he looked at you. You audibly groan, face feeling warm as your head falls back. “Eat me out, Suguru.” You drawl, no longer embarrassed by the things he makes you say. “As you wish.” He couldn’t even tease you for such an honest answer. Suguru’s head dipped lower, tongue licking up your inner thighs, teeth grazing the skin eagerly. 

“Sugu…” You whined out, his lips growing closer to your aching cunt. “... can I suck you off after?” 

Suguru’s whole body jolted as you uttered those words, mouth moving to lick and suck along your folds as his honest answer. You took that as a yes. You couldn’t help but squirm as his hands began kneading the flesh of your thighs, all the while his tongue was lapping at your cunt. Each movement sent electricity up your spine, one hand shakily reaching out to hold his head as his lips wrapped around your pulsating clit. “Oh fuck… Suguru…” you were embarrassed by how quickly he had learned to make you cum, the pressure already building in your gut. 

He didn’t slow, rather he slipped two fingers into your slick entrance and scissored them in time with his sucking. He loved to put on a show for you, going as far as to slurp your juices just so he could hear you cry out. You couldn’t think straight when his tongue was wiggling against your clit, stopping every few seconds to suck until your back arched. Suguru continued this until he felt your fingers tighten in his hair, pulling harsh as your moans turned into breathy gasps. He pulled away with a slick pop, smiling deviously as your head shot up to glare at him. “Suguru!” You wailed, letting go of his hair angrily. 

“Not yet, I don’t want you coming yet.”  

“No fucking fair!” you whined, head falling back against the mattress in defeat. “So selfish.” Suguru laughed as he pushed himself off the floor, now making a show of pulling the rest of his clothing off. “There goes your chances at getting head.” you chided, watching as that shit eating grin remained on his lips. “You think this is funny!” you whined again, the echoes of your denied orgasm making you close your thighs to try and alleviate the pressure. Suguru watched you, cock throbbing as he kicked his pants off the rest of the way and tossed them to the side. 

“I do think it’s funny, mostly because you look so cute when you’re so worked up.” his hands wrapped around himself, pumping languidly as you spread your thighs again, eager for more. Suguru smirked, always defiant until his cock was out. “Nah baby, I don’t think you deserve this right now.” he continued to stroke himself, head falling back just a bit as his own aching arousal was finally being relieved. “Sugu…” you choked out in a hushed whisper, mouth watering as he let out a breathy sigh, fingers toying with the sensitive tip. You were regretting your earlier statement. 

“Sugu…” you spoke softly, watching him lift one leg to plant his foot on the mattress, hand still gliding along his shaft as his jaw slackened. He ignored you, continuing to get himself off. He was waiting for you to do something, that realization had you pushing yourself up, pulling your shirt up and over your head and tossing it to the ground. You pulled your legs off the side of the bed, maneuvering yourself until you sat on your knees before him. “Let me suck you off.” breathless, hands folded neatly on your lap as you waited for his response. 

Suguru smiled at you, watching the mattress move as your hips squirmed. “I thought you said the chances of me getting head were gone.” he teased, hand massaging just before the head of his cock, making his own voice falter as he spoke to you. “I never said that.” which was kind of true, you didn’t say those exact words. Suguru cocked an eyebrow, unable to maintain his stern demeanor as your tongue moved to wet your lips, eyes completely focused on his fist. “Please, your hand is so boring Suguru, especially when you could have my mouth.” you tried again, eyes sliding up his torso, admiring the dips and plains of his muscles. 

“When you put it like that, it’s hard to say no.” he murmured softly, letting his cock go. You scooted closer, until your knees were nearly off the edge of the mattress. “Thank you.” You whispered softly, watching his face flush a shade of pink, eyes quickly looking away from you to try and regain some sort of composure. The first touch was always enough to make him weak in the knees, your tongue gliding gently over his weeping tip before lowering to the underside of his shaft. He met your eyes, face still flushed as you looked at him with such adoration. All the while your mouth was doing sinful things to him, your duality was enough to induce whiplash. 

His fingers came up to rake through your hair, guiding you as your jaw slackened, head moving to engulf him in the wet heat your mouth had to offer. “Oh fuck…” Suguru choked when you didn’t stop moving, throat constricting as your nose brushed the unruly mess of black hair at his base. You held yourself there, drool dripping down your chin as your cheeks hollowed. Slowly you dragged yourself back, watching the shiny coat of saliva covering his shaft in your wake. You repeated those motions, finding a comfortable place to bob your head at, his length heavy on your tongue. “So good for me… fuck you’re so good for me… I don’t know what I did to deserve you…” 

You merely hummed, ignoring the slow but steady ache building in your jaw as your hand moved along his shaft. You could tell he was starting to really feel it, his cock twitching every few motions, head tilted back as his eyes fluttered shut. You had to admit you were impressed he managed to stay on his feet. Most times, when Suguru dared to eat you out while you were standing, you were nearly a dead weight in his grasp by the end. The only thing keeping you up was the wall he stuffed you against and his shoulders because he tossed your legs over them. You stopped when you felt him twitching violently, jaw clenched tight as his head shot forward to look down at you.

“Gonna make me cum, pretty girl.” He choked out, hands cupping your cheeks to guide you as you moved your head again. Your hands shot out, holding his thighs tightly as you let him use your head how he pleased, guiding you to a pace that made your eyes water before he stilled all together. You forced yourself to relax as Suguru spilled down your throat, letting you greedily swallow all of it before pulling off of him with a lewd pop. “Fuck…” he nearly fell into the bed, dick still hard as he crawled onto the matress with you. “How about we do this…” he sounded breathless, laying on his side and guiding you to do the same. You knew what he wanted, swollen lips parting as you sighed, settling with your back just barely touching his front. 

You let Suguru grab one leg, lifting it up slowly to create enough space for himself. “Lazy boy…” You teased over your shoulder, letting his arm hook under your neck, large hand resting on your chest. “Maybe I am, but you fucking love it.” You couldn’t complain, not when he was angling his hips and pressing the weeping tip of his cock at your entrance. He pressed into you, adjusting both of your bodies until he found a comfortable position to properly rut his hips into you. All you could do is let him, whining loudly as he split you open, stuffing you full. “How’s that, hmm? Does it feel good?” Suguru whispered against your ear, panting as your walls constricted around him and tried to push him out at the very same time. “F-feels so good…so good…” You whined loudly. 

Suguru didn’t give you a verbal response after that, instead focusing all of his attention on finding a good rhythm to fuck you too. You couldn’t stop the noises that spilled past your lips, each drag of his cock in and out of your heat was enough to make your vision blurry. It took everything in you to at least keep your head up, tilted downwards to watch where he disappeared and reappeared between your legs.  “Suguru…” a breathless plea, one that turned into a steady mantra as all you could think about was him and what he was doing to you. Had you not been so overwhelmed you would have heard his quiet grunts of praise each time your bodies connected. 

Suguru watched a shaky hand slide down your front, in your whimpering daze you managed to slip two fingers down there to rub sloppy circles on your clit. “Gonna cum, aren’t ya?” Suguru gasped, his cock twitching violently as your cunt suctioned to him, nearly making his thrusts falter. “Y-yeah…” you managed to get out, no longer having the strength to keep your head up. You let it fall, resting snuggly in the crook of the arm he was using to support you. “Then come for me, pretty girl. I wanna feel you come all over my cock… then maybe I’ll fill you up, yeah? You’d love that…” you responded with a loud whine, walls fluttering around his length each time he pushed it back in. 

“There we go, come for me.” He encouraged again, warm breath ghosting the shell of your ear and earning a shiver in response. You could feel it, the aching build of a damn that was on the verge of breaking, every breath you made was nothing but a labored pant. Your heart was beating erratically, just as you were about to fall over the edge, Suguru gasped. You couldn’t help but gasp with him, his release pumping into you, hot and sticky. “F-fuck sorry…” he grounded out, his own orgasm sneaking up on him and completely catching you by surprise. Not that it mattered to you, that strained and embarrassed apology was all you needed before you felt yourself coming as well. 

You both essentially collapsed, Suguru holding you tightly as he angled himself to remain inside of you, to keep his cum inside of you. “You okay?” he mumbled softly, hand lazily reaching for the one you had used to rub your clit and bring it to your lips. You whined as he popped the shiny fingers in his mouth, cleaning them with his tongue. “Yeah, I'm good…great really.” You chuckled, eyelids feeling heavy as he hummed. “Good.” he mumbled softly, pulling your fingers from his mouth to kiss them gingerly. “You know I love you, right?” Suguru’s voice was tender, so tender it nearly pulled the air out of your lungs. “Yeah, of course I know that Sugu… you know I love you too, right?” 

“I know.” was all he said in reply, you had to wonder why he was suddenly so sentimental. Suguru was typically softer with you after sex, aftercare was one of his specialties. But something about his tone felt different, something about his question felt like there was more meaning behind it. You had been noticing the bags under his eyes for the last few weeks, but every time you asked he always brushed you off. “Is everything okay?” you tried to turn your head to look back at him, but the angle he had you in proved to make movement difficult. “Mmhmm, just want to make sure you’re okay.” but he hadn’t  been that rough with you. “Yeah, I’m okay… but you haven’t answered me.” He stopped kissing your hand, setting it down gently as he moved to kiss your shoulder. 

“I haven’t?” 

“I asked you if you were okay.”

“Well, I did answer you. I said yes.” he didn’t sound offended, more or less he sounded amused. “Mmhmm isn’t a yes, Suguru.” You, on the other hand, sounded a little less enthused. “I’m okay, baby. Is that better.” you couldn’t see it but you could hear the smile on his lips. “Yeah, that’s better.” But for some reason, you couldn’t shake the worry clinging to your heart. 

~

“Hey… hey…” you woke with a gasp, eyes wet as you tried to remember where you were. “You okay? You started crying in your sleep again.” A worried but groggy voice was speaking to you, one that was familiar but your brain couldn’t seem to catch up. “Y/N? It’s me, it’s Satoru.” There it was, you nearly fell back into the pillow with relief as he spoke. “Shit I’m sorry… I was dreaming and it just… fuck it felt so real. I couldn’t remember where I was…” you wiped your eyes, slowly adjusting to the dark room again. “It’s okay… you’ve been dreaming a lot.” Satoru sighed, he remembered you saying that your nights had been pretty dreamless for the last three weeks so why was that changing now? 

“I know… it just started happening too. Maybe it's because of the baby.”

Your hand lowered to your stomach, palm resting flatley against it. You still couldn’t process the fact that there was something in there, something that was growing, a mix of you and him. “Can pregnancy make you dream more?” Satoru chuckled, blue eyes shifting to read his alarm clock. It was just past four in the morning. You had slept pretty well until a few minutes ago. He had been watching you, woken up by your body growing restless. He woke you up the moment he heard you start to sniffle. “I dunno, maybe.” you sighed, eyes feeling heavy again. “Sorry for waking you, Toru.” You didn’t hear the way his breath hitched, your yawn effectively shutting it all out. 

You hadn’t called him by that nickname in weeks, he hadn’t really realized how much he missed it. “Don’t apologize, I told you to stop that.” Not stern, just tired, he wanted you to go back to normal but he knew that was impossible. Things would never go back to how they were. “Oh, yeah… I guess you have told me that.” You chuckle, turning on your side to face him in the dark. “I won’t apologize for forgetting this time, okay?” You grinned, eyes closing and unaware that he was able to see it in the dark. “Okay.” He sighed, a grin creeping up his own face as he let his eyes shut again. Hopefully you’d sleep through to his alarm at 8:30am, you had a busy day ahead. 

~END OF PART ONE~

Thank you for reading! I hope you look forward to part 2 <3333

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated ;3

[dubina-dawkins]

FORD MUSTANG '66 BACK SEAT

~2k words (i got carried away :p)

pairing: teen! dean winchester x teen!virgin! reader

> your uncle got you a perfect 18th birthday gift - white ford mustang '66, and dean is in awe. not only because of the car, but because of the birthday girl too

warnings/notes: smut, minors dni! f! masturbation mentioned, loss of virginity, fingering, p in v, unprotected (done by professionals don't try at home), softdom! dean, afab! reader, really fluffy and gentle, lots of kisses i mean how do they still breath, may be kind of continuation (but not a direct one but after some time yk) of my previous work with teen! dean and teen! reader, reader is hunter btw but this is mentioned less, no usage of y/n

REPOSTS WILL BE APPRECIATED

"Are you kidding...he gave you that baby girl? Damn it, your uncle has taste!" Dean laughs, approaching the vintage car from the bumper, palms wide on the cold metal. He stares out the windshield, then walks around the car in a circle before turning back to you, one arm around your shoulders.

Your birthday was literally, like, a week ago? But since your uncle was busy, he didn't get you a present until yesterday. And today Dean was here on your call. Secretly from dad, of course. Sam's at school somewhere, so there's no need to keep an eye on the kid, so, uh...

"Uh-huh. A useful gift for hunters, huh? Especially since uncle let me hunt alone or with you now... Cool stuff. And even though I'm a bit of a machine builder 'cause I'm always helping him, I think I'm gonna need some help, you know..." You start, turning so that your fingers slip into his messy hair, and Dean laughs.

"If you want me to drive this hottie until you get your driver's license-"

"Bingo!"

Dean laughs, his hands finding a place on your ribs as he pulls you into a tender kiss. The touch of his lips on yours was always too gentle, and it was infuriating sometimes. Knowing Dean, he could have done so much more. Just cared, I guess?

You kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck. Knowing Dean freakin' Winchester, it was easy to see that he loved you very much. Well, loved you as much as he could. Sometimes it was a fight, but not a big one - hell, you're only 18, what the hell is there to fight about?

Especially since you now had official permission for alone time - soon you'd be hunting together, which meant lots of adventure, blood, sweat, and lives saved. Sometimes that last point was purely functional, and yet. Just you and him.

You couldn't call yourself an innocent Christian girl. You hated the church, God and angels with all your soul after all you had seen and gone through. They're in, they're out, it doesn't make much difference. So sinning didn't seem like a bad idea. Especially when you're just getting back from a walk with Dean in the night, when he's running away from home in his father's car - let's just say he wasn't promised his own car until he was 21 - and the feeling of his hands on your cheeks, ribs, waist and hips still hangs in space...

Then your fingers traveled south, stroking first the lower abdomen, then the labia, then the wet passage, and finally up to the clit.... you could've sworn your panties hadn't been dry after any encounter with your boyfriend. Dean's wink or a glance at your neck, your waist, and you'd be drowning. God, why's he so pretty all the time?

"Okay, now..." Dean pulls back and walks around the car to open the door and land in the driver's seat. His eyes glisten, and you can tell he's enjoying this immensely. Somewhere along the lines of his favorite movies and listening to Led Zeppelin.

His strong palms grip the steering wheel, and he leans back to keep it at arm's length. And Dean laughs again, stroking the leather of the steering wheel with his thumbs. "Pretty one, that's for sure..."

You land in the backseat, and he turns to you, raising an eyebrow. Without even hearing his question, you smile and fold your hands in your lap.

"I can't get used to the fact that it's all, like, mine. And I'm kind of scared to sit in the front. I guess it'll pass with time." You don't have time to finish the sentence when he gets out of the car, and a few moments later he's standing in front of the open backseat door.

"Then I should join you," he laughs, jumping to you, putting his hand on your lower back. You shriek and laugh, pressing your lips against his. The kiss is long, sensual, and at some point Dean's hands move down to your thighs, spreading them wide, and he pushes you back against the seats, towering over you. When he pulled away from the kiss, you looked up at him wide-eyed, doubt flickering across his face instead of a smirk.

"Uh...I hope you've-...you've already had someone, right...?" he gently takes you by the hips, wrapping your legs around his waist, and you only blush.

"Well...no?"

Dean closes his eyes for a moment and frowns, stroking your thighs with his thumbs, the same tenderness he used to stroke the steering wheel of your Mustang. Yeah, well, considering you were a hunter too, you didn't have much of a chance for a relationship...

"Ah, so...I get to be first? Woah..." he'd be lying if he said it didn't excite him even more, but it scared him too. However, he smiles and bends towards you, not allowing you to give an answer, his lips pressed against yours again. He places one hand on your chin, gently, two fingers opening your mouth for his tongue as his other hand creeps down to your stomach, stroking it.

"God, you're so- aah, fuck..." Dean sinks down between your legs, unzipping the fly of your jeans and pulling them down your legs. When his teeth snag the elastic of your panties, you whimper, putting your hand on his head, and he laughs. "Shh, not yet."

He looks at your glistening, wet folds, and God, it means everything. Dean licks his fingers - though it wasn't necessary at all, you were fucking soaked - and gently presses his thumb against your clit. When that elicits a soft moan of his name from you, he chuckles.

"Are you okay, baby?" He whispers, kissing your stomach, and gently pulls up your t-shirt. He kisses your collarbones while his free hand works on the clasp of your bra.

But God, you're too good to respond with anything but a whimper. You take off your shirt, and he pulls off your bra, and for a moment he just stops, staring at you. A low growl escapes Dean's lips. "You're so beautiful for me, baby..."

He brings his hand back to your pussy, gently stroking the space next to your passage, and your already tight walls tighten around nothing. He whimpers at the mere sight, pressing his lips to your nipples. Every sensation is new, every touch sending shocks of pleasure through your entire body. You put your arms around his neck, one hand creeping up to his disheveled hair, the other reaching down to his back.

Dean throws off his leather jacket and flannel, leaving only a T-shirt, and the cold material of his amulet burns your skin as he leans in again to leave kisses on your skin. "It might hurt now. Tell me if you need me to stop..." But you both know that neither you nor he wants to stop it.

Dean rises to capture your lips again in a kiss, and his middle finger slides into your channel, and you let out a loud sob at the sensation. His fingers are different, feel completely unfamiliar. And it's too exciting, especially when he gently pushes his finger deeper, and your core squelches so lewdly that you blush.

"De...feels so good," you whimper, hugging his shoulders, your hands in fists clutching the fabric of his t-shirt. "I'm trying, love," he laughs against your lips, his finger stroking your walls in a circular motion, and you grind against his hand - at which point Dean presses his hand to your stomach and begins to move his own finger inside, discreetly adding his ring finger as well.

You arch your back, and he kisses your cheek. "So good, you're so good, baby. So good at taking me like a good girl," your walls clench around his fingers at his praise, and Dean groans at the sensation - the bump on his jeans getting noticeably harder as he muffles both his and your moans with a kiss.

You feel bratty, pulling your hands to his belt, and Dean growls against your lips. "Can you handle this? I don't want to hurt you, sweetheart," he pulls his own jeans down, tossing them off his legs somewhere on the back of the driver's seat, followed by his T-shirt. Your fingers stroll phantomly over his waist and hip bones as he slides his fingers out of you with a squelch of your walls, and you whimper unhappily.

"Please, Dean-"

"Shh, shh, shh..." He strokes your cheek, bending down to kiss your swollen lips again, and his free hand guides your palms to the waistband of his boxers, and you obediently pull that down, letting him away from the kiss. Your eyes widen as you stare at his erection, and Dean chuckles shyly.

"Whoa..." you lick your lips, and purely out of interest, you touch your fingers to the tip. His shaft throbbed, and Dean let out a high-pitched whimper as his precum began to glisten under your finger.

"Baby, let's not make any more comments," he picks up your hand, intertwining your fingers, and gently positions himself between your thighs. Dean can't resist the opportunity to rub me against your swollen clit, and you synchronously make almost identical sounds - something between a high-pitched moan and a sob.

"...Are you sure?"

"Dean, shut up and get to work."

He laughs, leaning down to your face again. "That's my girl."

And he pushes into you in one, slow thrust, inch by inch, swallowing your moans of pain and pleasure in another kiss. God, a little more, and your lips would have turned blue.

He pulls away from your lips, arching his back, and catches your hands in his, intertwining your fingers again. Dean hisses, squeezing your hands. "So fucking tight...just for me, huh...?"

He doesn't just fill you up - his hardness overwhelms you, and you feel complete for the first time in your life. Your fingers grip his hands as if your whole life depends on it. "F-fuck, it's so huge-"

"Believe it or not, you're the first person to tell me that," he leans to you again, kissing your cheek as his hips move and he begins his slow pace. His thrusts may be measured but they're precise, each time his tip taps harder on that most sensitive point inside you, and it seems there are more stars in front of your eyes than there are in the night sky.

"You're doing well, baby...So tight, so wet, so pliable, just, just for me..." He whispers into your ear as his thrusts become less controlled, more needy. Your walls quiver and his length throb more and more inside-you're both close, and that knowledge drives you insane.

"D- yaaah, Dean, I'm close-" He doesn't answer anything, just presses his lips against you again and roughly penetrates your mouth with his tongue, his palms gripping your waist hard enough to bruise it, but one hand does drop down between your bodies to caress your swollen clit, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

And this is it, you cry out his name, your walls tighten around his cock, and he hisses, with a loud pop of your bodies releasing his length from your heat.

But you don't let him out that easily.

"My turn," you grin weakly, your hand taking his erection in your fist, giving it a few quick strokes, and he fucks your fist like he's in heat, nuzzling his face against your neck, making a moan so pathetic it's even cute.

"I love you so much...Baby, baby, sweetheart, fuck-" He whispers frantically, and with one final thrust, shots of his seed crash into your palm, your side, and the leather of the seats. Dean wraps his arms around your shoulders tightly, pulling you close, his face finding its place in your hair as he exhales hoarsely. "So fucking much..." he says, breathing heavily, his voice muffled by your locks.

There were tissues in the glove compartment, right?

a/n: still love my baby. still a tooth rotting fluff. your honor I'm sorry!! was working on reqs but i just thought of this idea and couldn't get it out of my head so that's it.......

[enwoso]

CRUSHED! — alessia russo

bit of a longer one for you all<3 this will probably turn into a mini series (about 3-4 parts)

navigation

manchester united women v arsenal women.

an important fixture for you and the rest of the manchester united squad as this would ensure the teams lead in the table, in the race for champions league football next season. something you and the rest of the girls longed to play especially having just missed out by a margin the season before.

you were determined to ensure that you and the team got into europe — having dreamt of playing the high level of football since you were little.

something even more exciting for you is that you were in, incredible form at the moment scoring goals left right and centre or as some of the news reporters would phrase it as saying you couldn't stop scoring!

confidence was flowing through every inch of your body and rightly so, you had six goals in the last four games one of them goals even helping man united progress further into the fa cup.

everything was going to way you wanted, you were playing excellent football at the moment who can was hopefully going to secure your place in the england team for the upcoming world cup in the summer. your relationship with alessia was only growing stronger as you were about to hit your two year anniversary.

you could happily say that you were in a good place, quite literally physically but also mentally.

"how long do we have till kick off?" you asked turning to your girlfriend who was finishing re-lacing her bright orange boots. "um about 15 minutes why?" less said looking up to the walling seeing the clock was about to reach the hour 7.

"just wondering" you shrugged, loosening yourself up and scooting closer to the blonde leaning your head on her shoulder. as she sat back up her arm stretching togo across your shoulder as the familiar smell of vanilla taking over your senses.

the two of you sat in each others company, not talking just watching as the rest of the team talked among themselves. just as marching came in to give his usual team talk and to help lift any spirits even more before it was time to walk out.

"-just go out and bring home them 3 points!" marc finished as the changing room filled with a cheer as everyone took off their warmup jumpers as it was time to walk.

"i love you" you smiled pecking alessia on the lips, a tradition they did before every match, "i love you too" alessia responded as the two of you did your little hand shake you'd both came up with one night while being in a hotel room before the blonde pulled you for one last quick but tight hug.

alessia wondered off up towards the front of the line taking her place in between millie and nikita as you strayed towards the back. taking your place as always just behind tooney.

"you ready baller?" ella smiled turning around to your direction, you rolling your eyes playfully at the new nickname ella had began to call you over the past few weeks.

"always." you whispered, patting ella on the back to signal to her to begin moving in order to keep up with the rest of the team who were now walking through the tunnel and out onto the pitch.

the teams walked out, hand in hand with the mascots as the teams lined up, arsenal on the right and man united on the left. once all the photos were done, shaking hands with the arsenal players before going off into the half that they would be starting.

"let's play our best girls!" katie said as you all done the usually team huddle, putting your hands in the middle and cheering before everyone went to their starting positions.

you were thankfully playing your usual and much preferred position of the left wing, with alessia in the middle leading the line and parris on the right wing.

the referee blowing the whistle and the game was under way.

3' BLOCK! chances at both ends for both teams. walti lets fly from a distance but zelem put in a strong block. at the other end, y/n is nearly played through by parris but zinsberger rushes off her line to clear into touch.

6' WIDE! russo with her first shot of the game! y/n scampers down the wing and while walti dispossesses the cutback to zelem, the loose ball is able to fall to the lionesses striker. russo let's fly first but it's wayward — she had more time to shoot then she thought.

the game so far is going the way you wanted it too, manchester united in the opening minutes were playing better, were playing better football. you'd even had a few chances to get to the box unfortunately non of them able to get the shot in due to arsenals tight defence playing their part.

manchester united back on the attack again, the ball building from the back passed to zelem from blundell, arsenals midfield covering zelem as she sells you a short pass up to the wing.

loosing the ball momentarily to maanum as you overstretch a move you must have done a million times before in hopes of getting the ball across to alessia as she was in a big space with nobody covering her and had the opportunity to open the score line.

however the overstretch left you feeling a pop, following a sharp pain in your knee. the ball had already been hit forwards, not seeing if it reached your girlfriend you fell to the ground knee in clutch.

face planting into the grass as you waved your hand in the air, tears bubbling in your eyes at the sudden pain you were feeling. .

"y/n!" you hear ella as she comes rushing over, the midfielder being more worried for her teammate then whatever was happening higher up the pitch. the manchurian ushering the medics on the sidelines to come on and help you — the game however was still in play. "are you okay?"

12' problems for manchester united, y/n is down and looks to be in real pain. the red devils can't afford for their star girl to be injured at the moment. the lioness looks close to tears — this could be a serious problem ahead of the world cup.

the whistle finally blown as the referee stops the game waving over for the medics to come over, alessia is quick to rush over. panic setting in for the blonde seeing her girl down for so long without moving comfortably.

"what happened love?" alessia asked quickly as the medics began to assess you over trying to find the extent of the injury.

you shrugged, "dunno but it's my knee" dragging your hands over your face fighting back the tears which were bubbling in your eyes out of shear pain but also annoyance that either way it was an injury and that meant a setback.

"can i continue?" you asked knowing exactly what the answer was going to be, but their could have been a small chance you could have however with the pain you were in it was definitely not a good idea for you to even if she was allowed.

"i think it's gonna be best for you to be subbed and then the medical team can properly check you out" one of the medics told you as you nodded slowly, the feeling of a hand moving your loose hairs out of your face, turning to see who it was only to be met with a sad smile from your girlfriend.

"it's okay, your gonna be fine" alessia whispers as she took a place next to you holding your hand to try and comfort you and try and help take some of the pain away.

14' the stretcher is out, it's not looking good for the forward. this could be serious. the replay shows there is no contact to y/n on the right knee but she did go down holding it.

"no! no, i'll walk off!" you protested at the sight of the bright orange stretcher being brought towards you, alessia giving you a stern look as if to say 'do what the medics are telling you'

but both of you knowing that they would only ever have the players best interest at heart but alessia also knew you like the back of hand and how stubborn you were and to know if you say you are doing something then that's would be exactly what was happening.

"are you sure your able to?" the medic asked, you nodding as the team along with alessia all helped to get you to your feet.

alessia's arms wrapped around the small of your back as you clung onto the side of the blonde limping off the pitch, a medic at your other side as the stadium erupted into cheer and applause for you.

you were handed over to another member of the medical team, leaving the blonde's arms but as you began to slowly move towards the tunnel you notice your girlfriend beginning to follow you. "less, what are you doing? you need to carry on playing!" you choked out.

"that can wait.." the blonde whispered grabbing your hand in hers.

"no? you need to play less!" you let go of alessia's hand placing your hand on her cheek pulling her closer and pecking her lips quickly, "now go and score for me, my love!" you whispered as your lips lingered near the blondes, a small smile appearing on her face, alessia nodded and with a little bit of hesitation headed back out towards the pitch.

the medic team taking you slowly deeper into the stadium, as you limped towards the medical room. you finding yourself lying on the bed as they began their assessment to determine the extent of your injury.

25 minutes felt like hours to you as you watched the senior medic write down on a clip board as they compared the injured knee to your normal knee. the injured knee a lot more swelled and puffy than your normal knee.

the soft sound of the crowd above you was able to be heard as they cheered and chanted for the teams playing. wishing you were up there instead of lying hopelessly on a bed.

the only helpful thing you could do was answer the medics questions like "on a scale of one to ten, one being the worst, what is the pain right now?"

"okay, so i've ran all the assessments i'm able to do here with the equipment i have and i'm sorry to tell you but you have indeed ruptured your anterior cruciate ligament or as you may know it as your ACL" the medic told you

your chest suddenly felt heavy as you let out a breathe that you didn't even know that you were holding in. your eyes closing trying not to let the tears fall as your head hit the back of the bed you were currently lying on.

taking another deep breathe as the news settled, your mind racing that this isn't the minor injury she initially expected it to be.

"how- how long am i out for then?" you asked, those seven words not being used frequently in your footballing career.

the longest you had ever been out from football was two weeks for a concussion after going to header the ball into the back of the net but while doing so also crashing into another player at the same time and that was when you were 16.

"um your probably looking at 9-12 months, i'm afraid" the medic placed the clipboard down as you nodded slowly — this was going to be the most challenging thing you ever going to face.

"oh" was the only words you were able to find.

"as for right now the only thing i can do is bandage it just to keep the knee straight and i would also suggest that you don't put any unnecessary pressure on it, ice it to help with swelling and then when your able to see a doctor tomorrow they'll go through the next stages with you" they explained as you whispered a small 'okay'

the realisation of the injury was really beginning to set in as you watched the medic bandage the knee. your dreams of being at a world cup were slowly slipping away with each wrap of the bandage.

the medic began to run through your notes and everything they had looked at but if you were being honest it all just went in one ear and out the other.

the medic gave you some crutches, encouraging you to use them to avoid putting any weight on it before helping you to your feet and up back towards the field to enjoy the match — well what was left of it on the sidelines.

as the medic helped you back towards the pitch you found it was full time, stopping just outside the man united changing room, the team all being on their way back to the locker room to get showered.

you were met with lots of sorry looks and sympathy from both the man united girls but also the arsenal girls, lots of them being your teammates at england, as you stood back pressed to wall letting them all go past considering they were all going to be a lot faster than you were.

seeing afar alessia rushing, her eyes set on what was in front of her as she walked beside ella as she chatted the blondes ear off. the blonde about to walk straight past you as you grabbed the side of her shirt pulling alessia to the side as best as she could without loosing her balance.

"wh- oh! hi love, how bad?" alessia asked her facial features softened at the sight of her girlfriend, a guess to the answer of her question as she stared down at the crutches that were currently holding you up.

"bad."

the strikers face formed a pout as she pulled you in for a side hug, a few sniffles beginning to come from you. alessia hushing you softly, as she brushed your hair back out of your face.

"shh, it's going to be okay baby" alessia cooed as she placed gentle kisses onto your forehead. "we'll get through this together, okay" alessia pulled you closer to her rubbing her arm up and down your back.

"what was the score?" you asked as you lifted your head to rest on the blondes chest, chocking back on the tears which were flowing down your flushed cheeks.

a small smile appearing on alessia's face as she shook her head in disbelief that you'd gone off injured and what you were most worried about was what the full time score was?

"it's 2 - 0 to us" alessia whispered as a big sigh came from you as you nodded for the blonde to carry on wanting to know who had scored, "oh um keets and me scored"

"that's my girl!" you mumbled placing a small kiss to her cheek before letting go of the blonde as you steadied yourself.

“you coming?” alessia asked as she pointed towards the changing room, you have a small smile as you began to turn on the crutches, a little wobbly as you were still getting used to hoping on one leg.

"love, i'll get on my back and i’ll give you a piggy back" alessia began as she was back right by your side, you stopping dead still looking towards the blonde.

“baby, i love and appreciate you but you have two left feet i really don’t fancy having a broken arm!” you laughed a little the blonde gasping a little at your bluntness but never the less taking one of your crutches in your hand.

“i won’t drop you, i promise!” she pleaded, as you gave into her, the blonde giving you a piggy back into the changing room. as you praying to the lord above that she wouldn’t drop you.

getting into the changing room most girls were buzzing off the win, some were in the showers and others were just looking forward to go to sleep. alessia sitting you down on the bench next to both yours and her little cubby, pecking you on the lips as she hurried to get into the showers not wanting to keep you waiting for ages.

you watched on as people walked past you as you sat feeling pretty much helpless. watching on with envy as everyone else moved around the room freely while you couldn’t even move from the bench properly without being in a large amount of pain.

you couldn’t get up and join in with the silly antics of ella and mary as they danced around the room just like every win the team had, you couldn’t tie your shoe laces which had come undone and you couldn’t even bend down to pick up your bag from under the bench.

you felt useless.

“love? tesoro?” alessia said softly but there was no reply from you as you stared off into the distance, tears building up in your eyes for not the first time today.

“gorgeous? are you okay?” alessia repeated herself this time waving a hand across your face, finally getting your attention as you blinked head shaking to pull you out of your trance.

you noticed that the changing room was empty now, it was just you and less left. you looked to your girlfriend humming, you had no idea what she had said.

“are you okay?” she asked once again as you hummed nodding your head, a clear indication to the blonde that you were far from. alessia sighed moving your crutches which were slumped next to you onto the floor.

“what’s bothering that pretty mind of yours” she asked as you slumped your head against her, your cheeks feeling wet as the tears fell.

“just watchin’ everyone. i feel so useless. i can’t even pick my bag up for fuck sake!” you choked out in a whisper, maybe this was the anger that you had kept in the past hour. the reality of your injury really hitting you.

“oh baby” alessia whispered moving your face to face hers as she cupped your face, wiping your tears away with her thumb. “your the strongest person i know, you’ll get through this and you’ll come back from it better than ever” alessia reassured you, wiping another tear that rolled down your cheek before it hit your chin.

“what if i can’t?” you whispered your bottom lip wobbling. you were scared for the next few months, how different it was going to be.

“you will! and i’ll be here for you every step of the way, okay?” alessia gave you a small smile as you nodded a little.

“i love you”

“i love you too” she kissed your forehead as you rested your head on her chest listening to her heartbeat.

it was going to be a long nine months.

liked by alessiarusso and 942,135 others

manutdwomen we can now confirm that y/n l/n has suffered a ruptured anterior cruciate ligament against arsenal on wednesday night.

y/n was substituted in the first half of the game at leigh sports village and underwent further assessment on thursday to determine the extent of the injury.

y/n will now begin a period of rehabilitation and is set for an extended spell on the sidelines. she will undergo surgery in due course. everyone at manchester united will be supporting y/n closely throughout the long journey ahead and we would ask that her privacy is respected at this time.

comments —

arsenalwfc we are gutted for you y/n — wishing you all the best with your recovery❤️

3h        210 likes     reply

ellatoone the baller will be back before we know it!

2h        245 likes     reply

lionesses we are with you, y/n! ❤️❤️

2h        136 likes     reply

alessiarusso she’ll be back stronger ❤️

1h        195 likes     reply

leahwilliamson wishing all the best with her recovery❤️

1h       174 likes     reply

[bad-and-drawn-that-way]

Omfg I ate that Vox fic up! The one where he hypnotized the reader after a long fight of them nearly being taken from him. Can you do a part 2 please? Like when the reader eventually learns he basically forced them to sign the contract and they find a way to be immune to his hypnosis? He goes absolutely nuts despite literally owning their soul. He's canonically a control freak and seems to even have some yandere traits. I hope I'm not going against your rules! You don't have any posted so I just wanna ask! Thank you for being awesome! :D Don't hesitate to turn down this request. Write what makes you feel comfortable. Just please respond so I and everyone else knows not to make a similar request in the future. Lots of love!

ABSOLUTELY!! I did take this in a slightly different direction, but hope you enjoy it nonetheless! Lowkey thinking of doing a Vox POV of this later and maybe even a part three...

Vox isn't actually in this much, but I feel a loose actual plot coming together and this is what naturally flowed for me.

I hope y'all are ready for more angst... plus a cliff-hanger <3

More Than Anything Part 2 [Vox x Reader]

Part 1

Part 2.5

"You controlling prick!"

Vox ducked as you threw a pillow at him. Even in your righteous anger, you'd never actually truly try to hurt him, but by god were you pissed.

Despite Vox's obvious disdain for the Hazbin Hotel and its association with Alastor, you visited the hotel occasionally to catch up with your friend Angel Dust and give some much-deserved love to his pet pig Fat Nuggets. It was during one of these visits that you ran into Alastor, who immediately looked at you with disgust in his ever-present smile.

"Really now, my dear," he said as he shook his head in disapproval. "It's already enough of a shame that you have such poor taste in a romantic partner, but to give your soul to him as well? I thought you were smarter than that."

The overlord could see the aura of Vox's ever-annoying electric cords locked around your soul like chains. You'd been confused and his eye twitched with annoyance as he realized what Vox had done to you. To say you were livid after he explained that you'd been tricked was an understatement.

"Y/N, I'm sorry," Vox pleaded as you fumed at him in his room. "But you left me no other choice! You weren't listening to me and if I didn't bind your soul, then Satan knows what could have happened to you by now."

"Just because you don't fucking believe in my ability to look out for myself doesn't mean you get to just take my soul!" You screamed with hot, angry tears flowing down your face. You wipe at them, only crying harder at the frustration of the tears you couldn't control in your anger. You felt like they undermined your emotions.

Vox's magic sparked around him as he tried his best not to get angry and start a fight with you. He was terrified and was that much more susceptible to his angry tendencies in moments like these. It took everything in him to try and calm himself, not wanting to push you away further. His heart dropped and his blood ran cold as he saw you pull a large bag out of the closet and start shoving clothes into it.

"W-Where are you going?" Vox panicked as he crossed the room.

"The hotel," you said with quiet fury, as you stepped away from the closet and went to the nightstand with your personal things on it. "I need some space and it's the one fucking place I know you'd rather die again than follow me to."

"Ŷ̸̪͕o̸̢̿̿ū̷̫ ̶̬͂c̶̺̾͂a̴͒͘͜n̴̫̂̔'̶̡̉t̶͙̝̄͒," Vox said, his voice starting to glitch as his panic increased. "You've heard the news, the extermination is in a week and the angels plan on attacking there first. There's no guarantee they'll keep to the date after how much little miss dumbass pissed off heaven. It's not safe there."

You pull your bag over your shoulder and the look you gave him will haunt him for the rest of his afterlife. "It's safer than here."

It breaks him all the more when you shield your eyes from him and storm past him so he can't hypnotize you into staying. Vox is paralyzed with fear like never before. He wanted to scream, to beg, to stop you from leaving him, but he couldn't do anything as his system glitched so hard it forced him into a reboot. When he came to, he was alone. You were gone.

--

Charlie was more than willing to let you stay at the hotel. The two of you hadn't had the chance to really ever speak before, but she was always friendly when you came to visit Angel, even after you explained to her there was no way you'd be able to become a guest.

In exchange, you were happy to help set up the defenses against the extermination. You got to know all of the other members of the hotel and the work helped you push down the burning ache in your chest.

Vox had been trying to contact you nonstop. You eventually turned off your phone, driven insane by the wall of notifications of him begging you to respond in any way. He knew you were okay for the time being. He was literally connected to your soul. But as the extermination day grew closer, his panic only increased. If it wasn't for Valentino and Velvette holding him back, there were several times he genuinely would have set aside his pride and come to the hotel just to get you.

It was after helping Husk and Cherri put up a particularly tricky barrier with the dwindling supplies that Angel found you taking a break. He passed you a water which you took gratefully as he slid down the wall and joined you on the floor.

"So," he started. "Are we going to ever talk about the reason why you're hiding out here?"

"Do we have to?" You groan, running your fingers through your hair. Despite the smiles and laughter you'd been sharing with your newfound friends as you all prepared for the potential end of it all, the dark circles on your eyes gave away what was lurking underneath.

For as angry as you were at Vox, you missed him. You missed feeling him curl against you in bed. You missed being woken up at unholy hours early in the morning because Vox couldn't start his day without giving you a kiss and telling you how much he loved you. You missed his shitty taste in shows and how he'd collapse into your arms after a long day at work.

Angel sighed, looking at the boarded-up lobby. "Look I may not get it, but you love the guy, right? Are you really content with possibly dying in a couple of days for a cause you're not even a part of, just because you're pissed with him?"

"He stole my soul, Angie" You frown at him.

"And that is fucked up as hell," he agrees. "But I know you and I know there ain't no way in hell you're actually satisfied leaving shit like this."

"I just-," you start before groaning. "How the hell are we supposed to come back from this? I doubt he'd ever void the contract. He's too convinced he's right for that."

Angel sighed, setting his own cup aside. "Honestly toots, you're not gonna like it, but... He kinda has a point."

You whip your head up to look at him and he holds up his hands defensively. "Not saying that stealing your soul was the right call. Believe me, if anyone gets how fucked it is having your soul controlled by a sociopath with a big ego, it's me. But you're not exactly in the safest of places, dollface. Not to mention, you're dating an overlord who's in a trio determined to piss off as many big shots as possible. His mind may not be in the right place, but his heart kinda is."

You take Angel's words to heart and sigh as you bury your face in your arms. "I hate it, but you're right... I just... I don't want to hold him back. I don't want to be the person that needs to be protected. I want to be his equal, not his problem."

"Then tell him that," Angel sighs. His gaze drifts to the bar and smiles fondly. "Someone recently has taught me how important being real with yourself is. It's okay to be flawed. No one got stuck in this shithole cause we were perfect, y'know?"

He nudged you with a grin as he added, "Plus, come on. Can you imagine how many bitches in hell would kill to have a sexy fucker that wants nothing more than to love ya and keep ya safe? I love you toots, but for fucks sake, pick a struggle."

You snort, shaking your head as you lightly swat at his arm. "Fuck you for being right about shit all the time."

"It's one of my best assets," Angel smirked. "Y'know, aside from all the fluff."

You laughed as he puffed up his chest and by the end of the evening, you'd decided to head back. As much as you loved Angel and wanted nothing more than to be by his side as the extermination drew near, he had a point. This wasn't your fight and there was a controlling dumbass that had been blowing up your phone ever since you left that was praying for your return.

After exchanging promises to see each other after the extermination, you left the hotel. You had an idiot to see.

[disneyprincemuke]

oscar's logan's girl * ls2 op81

oscar truly never thought he would ever see the girl that was the cause of his first ever heartbreak

pairings: logan sargeant oscar piastri x fem!reader

notes: first of all, i want to thank everyone for liking the first part to this huhuhu i PERSONALLY think this is one of the fics i've written for an individual driver that has gotten this much feedback and responses... i never thought, in the 6 hours it took me to write that, that people would even like it so much... thank you for the kind words u guys <;/3

and now i would like to apologise if this did NOT go the way you thought it would... i couldn't bear hurting either logan or oscar, and holding grudges seemed like such an unlikely thing for a man of oscar's caliber... sorry if it doesn't go the way you thought <;/3

word count: 2.3k

(oscar's girl) // (f1 masterlist)

you let out the heaviest sigh, clutching onto the almost empty mercedes cup in your hand. you look over your shoulder, watching lily and carmen walk away without you in the direction of where the boys would be.

you stare at the unfamiliar, yet somehow most familiar, pair of brown eyes boring into your own. in the back of your mind, you remember the hushed giggles and how his hand used to feel in yours while you were in the streets of melbourne. you can almost remember what he sounded like when you were just kids, and the man that stands in front of you barely looks like what you remember of him.

you were devastated when you lost oscar's phone number. when you moved away to inevitably stay in the united states, you had every single intention of keeping the friendship with oscar. you just needed a week of settling in. you barely made any other meaningful friendships worth keeping in melbourne; all except the one that you had developed with oscar.

arguably, you could have done more to find him again. you could have gone on instagram, or any other social media site to try and keep the friendship alive. but you thought, after all those tears you shed before your departure, it would be better to stay away.

you only ever thought of oscar once in the past couple of years. the night before your first date with logan: you couldn't fall asleep from the nerves and anxiety. you had gotten along well over the phone, the williams driver playing his cards right every single time he would send you a text message and had your cheeks hurting from smiling too much and kicking your feet in the air.

you came across pictures of you and the young boy in melbourne, tucked away in a dusty photo album that you kept stored under your bed. you don't reminisce much: the memories you had up until you were 16 are a blur in your head. too much had happened, and the only memory that you keep with you is the fact that you moved around more than the average person.

"it's been a while," you finally speak, readjusting your shirt. the wet patch on your shirt, now slightly cold from the weather, your jacket doesn't really do much now to keep you warm. "how have you been?"

you can physically see the gears in oscar's head turn. his eyes bore into yours as he contemplates what he will say to you. if this had happened sooner after you had stopped talking to him, he would know what to say to you. because he spent his nights, and logan's mornings, talking about what he would say to you.

oscar presses his lips into a thin line. he has two choices now: unload the frustration he's forgotten about as he grew into an adult, or just be civil with the girl he could have sworn was the love of his life at 14. you never left his mind, even after all of these years, up until the moment that he met his now girlfriend, lily. he's a firm believer that you would have lasted forever if you had just stayed.

"i've been good. i'm a race car driver now," he smiles, gesturing to the paddocks around him. he's just going to try and ignore the fact that you're dating his literal best friend. "i told you."

you throw your head back with a laugh, making oscar drop his smile in the slightest of ways. he feels his chest close in on itself at the sound you're making. sometimes he fears that he'd never truly gotten over you, but that seems more like an overreaction in normal circumstances.

oscar wasn't aware of the fact that it could very well be the truth right now.

"you always did tell me you're going to be a racer," you agree with a smile. you remember going along with him to an obscure go-kart establishment once when you were growing up. it simply wasn't your thing, but you supported him through and through even as a young 14-year-old. "small world, huh?"

oscar nods with a small smile. "so, um. what happened?"

you tilt your head. "what do you mean?"

"you stopped answering my text messages out of the blue one day after you moved," oscar laughs softly, shrugging. "did i do something wrong? what happened?"

you sigh, closing your eyes as it hits you. there is something about the way his eyes are turned down slightly, and it doesn't take a genius to tell that he's trying to smile through whatever emotion he is feeling.

and you understand it if you were to put yourself in his shoes. it's genuinely all on you: you had promised that you wouldn't drift away from him before you left. you promised him, back then, that there would come a time that would bring you back together to give your relationship a fighting chance.

keeping in contact was very essential to that promise.

you don't think of oscar. but now that you do, you can see the scene of when you were about to leave playing vividly in your head. he had asked you for one simple thing: not to drift away so that someday, you can meet again and give yourselves a real fighting chance.

because realistically, at 14, there was not much to fight for but the overwhelming surge of emotions you have for something that is often categorised as puppy love.

but oscar knew even then that there was definitely something more.

"i dropped my phone in the lake. i got a new phone and a new number," you whisper dejectedly, trying to avoid the intensity of his stare. and you're prepared to receive the brunt of his anger, understandably so after you had unintentionally ghosted him. "i'm sorry. in hindsight, i should have done more to reconnect with you - social media is powerful, after all."

oscar nods, his lips pressed into a polite smile. though you can notice him clenching his jaw as he tries to force himself not to cause a scene in such a public setting.

a setting where your boyfriend, his best friend, would be involved. and his girlfriend who doesn't deserve this type of scandal tied to her name.

"we were just kids," oscar shrugs. but there's a bitterness in his mouth that he cannot ignore for too long. there is a bubbling urge from the deepest part of his gut to scream at you for all those days he swore he was going to go crazy from the pain of suddenly losing you. "i was bummed, though, when i lost you."

bummed is an understatement. the degree to which he grieved is unspoken between him and logan.

he doesn't blame logan for being overprotective of him when lily started to come into the picture. he was sat down by the american, by the sidewalks during their morning run, asking him to think long and hard about this.

it's the only time they had spoken of the instance that oscar almost lost himself. oscar waved off his concerns and said he was sure of what he has with lily, and that's a decision that he is still very proud of.

"i was devastated. but i was also scared," you whisper with a smile. "we were 14, but what i felt for you at the time... it was bigger than us, oscar. we had no fight against something like that."

oscar smiles. "logan is good to you, i hope?"

"we only just got together a couple months ago," you nod, "but he is amazing."

oscar nudges his head towards the direction that lily and carmen had walked towards earlier. you hop off your spot to catch up as he starts to walk by his side. "i've got a girlfriend of my own now. her name's lily too."

"doesn't that get confusing when you're all together? with alex's girlfriend and yours?"

"sometimes. but we don't hang out with the older drivers often," oscar admits with a scrunch of his nose. you have to bite back a laugh at his habit, seeing that it's something that has never left him. "it's a bit awkward. logan and i are typically together more often than not."

"how come?"

"we've only got each other," oscar shrugs. " we met at a karting race when we were really young. we kept in contact when we were apart. i think i may have told you about him a couple of times - my best friend living in florida."

you purse your lips, trying to rake at your brain for a time that oscar said that to you. unfortunately, your memory doesn't go that far back into the details of what you had. "wow. there's a lot i must have forgotten. i didn't know you went way back."

oscar smiles. with the little bit of resentment he has towards you, he completely understands (at his big age) why you don't seem to remember it as well as he did.

which is why he hated that he fell in love with you. he had made you his world and the meaning of his life, causing him to fall apart and crack at your goodbye.

you were an integral part of his life, but he was just a sliver of a memory in one of the places you had stayed in for a year or two. it had taken a while to start seeing it the way he does now. he hated you for what you did for years until everything started to fall into place for him in his head.

suddenly he understood why you were hesitant to befriend him in the first place. it must not have been easy to keep leaving friends behind.

"nah, it's alright. if i had such unstable environments like you did growing up, i'd have turned out much worse than you," oscar laughs. "did you move again after you moved to washington?"

you nod again. "one more time. we moved to la after three years - you know my dad. but it wasn't as severe as moving end to end of the world from australia to the united states, i guess."

"ba- oh." you calmly turn to the side, beaming when logan approaches you with confusion on his face. "i was looking for you all over the place. lily and carmen told me you ran into an old friend?"

logan had noticed oscar before you, the bright papaya orange that oscar sports all year around is not easy to miss. "i see you met oscar! what a coincidence."

"yeah, we," you laugh, rolling your eyes playfully as you meet him halfway, "funny enough, babe. we used to go to school together. in melbourne when my dad had business there when i was younger."

oscar presses his lips together, shoving his hands into his pockets and rocks back and forth on his feet. he knows it won't take long for logan to complete the puzzle.

"oh?" logan furrows his eyebrows at you, one hand on your back protectively. "small world. oscar's actually my best friend - he's on the family fridge back in florida."

"yeah, he mentioned!" you beam, wrapping your arms around his. "who would have thought that the oscar you keep talking about is the same one i know?"

logan smiles, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "right! so this is my guest for the weekend, man. my girlfriend - we met over the winter break. i can't believe you guys go way back! this makes it so much easier, doesn't it?"

oscar wants to run away. doesn't matter where, or how he will get there, because all he can focus on is the way you're leaning into logan's touch and the way logan's smile is so bright that it could be seen by the stars.

you clearly just had that effect on people. he's just another one of those people who fell for the welcoming aura you emit.

"did you guys know each other well?" logan asks.

oscar shares a glance with you. but he knows logan, more than you, perhaps. if logan finds out the history that you share, he will not be able to live with himself. he would leave you, leaving all three of you devastated.

so as you open your mouth to respond excitedly, oscar speaks over your mutter. "not really, just had a couple of classes together," oscar lies with a smile. he reluctantly settles for logan's excitement instead of your confusion. "we bumped into one another, i thought she looked familiar."

"oh, yeah! have you got an extra shirt i could borrow? i spilled coffee all over my top," you laugh, pulling down the zip of your jacket slightly to show him the patch.

"mate, i need to go and find lily," oscar says, reaching out to pat his friend on the shoulder. "i'll see you tonight. dinner afterwards, right?"

truthfully, he wants to ditch it. but you were both 14. it's not fair to keep holding it against you when all the odds were stacked against you both.

"absolutely. i'll see you tonight, man," logan smiles, waving at him as he walks away.

he can briefly hear your conversation as he fought all urges to turn around and glance at you.

"are you sure you want to borrow my shirt? i've only got my williams team shirts in my driver's room. i can ask someone to go out and find you one, if you'd like."

"no, of course not! i want everyone to know i'm with the williams driver, you know? announce it to the world."

logan sounds so into you, and he can't fault him for that. you've got a way with people that just reel them in. he should know - he was one of those people that were wrapped around your finger.

oscar's girl, as logan would tease during karting when he was resigned to a corner to text you after the race.

but in his head, you will always be his girl, because that's what he used to call you. that's the memory of you that will live in his head forever.

@myxticmoon @fangirl-dot-com @f1enthusiastsstuff @barnestatic @ladywhistledownx @holy-macncheese-balls @lightdragonrayne @almostjollypizza @sleepybrokenmelle @flyclaren @sagestack @de1u1ugyal @starssfall @cherry-piee @cstads-blog @renarots @strrgirlxqs @uuoozzii @bringbacktim @esposamultifandom @ssprayberrythings

[velvetdandeli0n]

I Told You Things

Rudy Pankow | Social Media Series

MASTERLIST NAVIGATION: 01

Plot: nepo-baby!singer reader, with a worldwide famous director father, navigates the trials and tribulations of the heart when she meets Rudy, after he's casted in her father's film... what could possibly be less messy than that?

Warnings for Chapter: none

Author's Note: Yn self insert with Calloway as surname. Timings on the edits aren't relevant to the story timeline; all edits are mine please don't take credit or share without giving credit.

Liked by yn.insta, hichasestokes and others variety Elliott Calloway set to direct new film 'The Silent Hour', with Rudy Pankow leading. Rudy will play Jesse Meyer, a young man residing in a small coastal town who's dealing with survivors guilt after an accident at the factory. Alongside him will be Christian Bale (returning to a Calloway project for the first time since 'Echoes of War', 2009), Olivia Cooke, and Carey Mulligan.

view all 3,549 comments

rudynation Yay Rudy getting booked and busy! We'll be seated.

mrsmaybank This is huge, well done Rudy, you're amazing

reeltalk at least it's not a sequel or remake

cinephile Elliott Calloway has never done either. EVER. reeltalk okay... I didn't mean him, I meant in general

Liked by carlaciagrant, drewstarkey and others rudeth Kept this one quiet for long enough! It's an absolute honor to get to work with one of the greatest minds of a generation. My dad used to show me Elliott Calloway films when I was probably too young to watch them... now I'm gonna be in one! It'll sink in soon.

view all 4,562 comments

rudyp4l so proud of you!!!

obx.swell THIS IS NOT A DRILL

jdofficial YOOOO?!?! liked by author

madelyncline THAT'S OUR BOIIII liked by author

Liked by rachelzegler, ayoedebiri and others yn.insta Ahhh 'Source of My Secrets' has been out for a whole 2 weeks! This album means so much to me, the most therapeutic release. Thank you for the love, for the streams, for the edits (yes I watch them, yes the Spike x Buffy one destroyed me), for the trend that made me sob on my fyp!! You're all magic Xx

view all 7,846 comments

ayoedebiri my favorite nepo baby, congrats xx liked by author

yn.biglove an unskippable album honestly

loser.hater when will you stop writing about the past?

love.yn when will you be let out of your cage? loser.hater damn girl calm down

rachelzegler honey, so deserved! the perfect album, the gilmore girls edit hurt liked by author

❤️ rudeth liked this story

DAD Congrats on the 2 weeks, angel!

YOU Thanks dad x

DAD Having the new cast for a dinner party tomorrow night, would be lovely to have you there, if you're free x

YOU Does that make me a cast member? 👀

DAD Haha 🤣 if you really want to

YOU I wouldn't put that horror onto you You saw me in the Hairspray school play

DAD You were only 12!

YOU And I couldn't act, they only gave me a line because my drama teacher loved you

DAD So what I'm hearing is, I created a monster? 🤣

YOU Yes actually!

DAD Your mother says to bring any dirty laundry you want washing to save you wasting water

YOU I'm only coming for 1 night lol

DAD She says she doesn't care, do it anyway

YOU Fiiiiine lol, tell her thank you! I'll arrive around 6pm, that cool?

DAD Perfect x

YOU Train coming into station, I'll grab a taxi

DAD I'm in the parking lot

YOU Thank you, you didn't have to

DAD Your time management is a nightmare, I definitely did Joking xx I just wanted to see you!

YOU Where are you? Ohhh I see you! Take off that damn fedora it's Winter!!!!

AYO How was the dinner?

YOU Girl I'm so fucking drunk rn

AYO Love that for you x

YOU My dad's playing Shithead w Rudy lmao

AYO SHUT UPPP PAHAHA WHOS WINNING

YOU Mr Calloway is straight up cheating Rudy is playing honest to the bone

AYO You talked to him much tonight?

YOU Not like one on one It's more of a group activity yknow

AYO He's cute In your story, I mean...

YOU Don't play matchmaker It's not like that Literally just met him We still on for this Sat. at the Sound Loft?

AYO Yesssss! Paul will definitely be there, just like half an hour late

YOU He getting a night time run in?

AYO Lol no, he's got an audition

YOU Ooooo good luck to him I miss him, I haven't seen him in 3 months

AYO He misses you too

YOU You're so smitten with each other it's adorable I love you so much I'm so happy you found your person

AYO Drunk you is so loving Get some water, baby

YOU Gonna share the event and try get people down bc I need West of Eden to get the hype they deserve!

RUDY Yooooo are you guys up for a live gig this Sat?

[amomentsescape]

Heey;)

This is kind of a follow-up request for your latest Zsasz headcannon... how would Zsasz actually approach reader/confess his feelings?

Victor Saving Your Life (Part II)

Victor Zsasz x Reader

Part I

A/N: I love it :D

It wasn't like you to be so determined

But a literal murderer had saved your life a few weeks ago

And you had to know why

Was he planning on finishing the job later?

Did he enjoy toying with his targets like cat and mouse?

The thoughts of what happened that day had eaten away at you

And no matter what you did, you couldn't find a way to locate him again

The notorious Victor Zsasz was good at staying hidden when he wanted to be

But something told you he wasn't too far

You could feel eyes on you any time you went out

And oddly enough, you hoped it was him

Strange

So here you were now, walking that same area you had a few weeks prior in hopes he would finally make himself known

You didn't exactly like being back in the location where you were almost attacked, but you were that desperate

You eventually made it next to that same building you had seen Victor at originally

But of course, the area was completely empty

"Obviously," you had muttered to yourself

You felt the disappointment settling in and decided it was best to just turn back now before it got dark

You swiveled around and literally ran face first into a leather clad figure

You stumbled back a bit

And of course, it was the assassin in all his glory

He gave you a knowing smile and stuck his hand out

"Nice to officially meet you, (Y/N)"

You took his hand hesitantly and shook it a bit

The leather against your skin somehow grounded you back to reality

"Victor..." you responded back

"You've been looking for me"

"Well, I wanted to meet the one who saved my life"

He was quiet at this for a moment

"Are you scared?" he asked

"No," you answered honestly

"Good. Then let me take you out so I can introduce myself properly"

You blinked at how direct he was being

It's not like he had been planning out this exact conversation the past few weeks

You looked back at him for a bit, considering his offer

If he really wanted to kill you, he would have done it by now

And the way he looked at you told you he was being serious

"As long as you don't make me wait another three weeks"

He smiled

With a quick glance at his watch, Victor let out a sigh

"Unfortunately, I must run. I'll be around though"

He took your hand gently and placed a small kiss at the top

"I'll see you soon," he spoke softly

He then turned on his heel and began to walk away

"Victor?" you called out

He paused and turned his head a bit towards you

"You don't have to keep stalking me from afar now" you giggled quietly

You caught a small smirk forming on his lips at this

"But where's the fun in that?"

[poppadom0912]

Hi! You have so many good Chicago stories! I had an idea for a Will Halstead fic, if you'd be interested... OC/Reader is a nurse at Med, she and Will are a (newish?) couple. She has been sick or hurt, but isn't telling Will, to avoid worrying him - Sharon (or someone) has been on his ass, for something he didn't do of course, but he's been under a microscope, so she doesn't want to bother or distract him - until she passes out or ends up in an OR (depending on the illness/injury) and he finds out after the fact... Heavy on the angst is always good ;)

A/N: I'm a sucker for angst. Hope this is good enough. I tried researching as accurately as possible but there might be inaccuracies.

I'm posting this is celebration of not failing my exams which means no resitting! I didn't get the high grades I wanted but we move on. Enjoy!! Hope this is good enough.

Warnings: Canon-typical injuries, blood, angst w a happy ending, surgery

*****

Becoming a nurse was inevitable for you because it was the next best thing after a doctor and you didn't want to go through all those extra years of learning and debt.

You were born with a congenital heart defect as a result of your mother poorly caring for her diabetes during pregnancy. All your life, your parents had been on top of your health, always dragging you to specialists and making sure you were still taking your meds.

You moved states several years ago and now you weren't constantly reminded of the defect you were born with.

There were times though when you did get forgetful and Will never complained about your bad trait that you couldn't handle, he shrugged it off and made sure your health was one hundred percent.

Your relationship was in the honeymoon phase, six months in you were both decently comfortable. Everyone was aware of your relationship but you both agreed to keep work at work and home at home.

Recently, Will was under extra scrutiny from Sharon because of a small incident that happened in the ED when his brother rolled up bleeding from his shoulder. No one could blame him for his reaction, it was completely justified but that hospital were being asses and wouldn't let go.

Following this, your interactions at work decreased at your suggestion to make things a little easier for him. And at first, it was working but then it just got straight up frustrating.

All of a sudden, following the intense summer heatwave, everyone's workload doubled and your hours never lined up. You'd be leaving and he'd be preparing for his second double shift of the week.

And things only got worse from there. You were so busy because of the nurse shortages that your priorities began shifting, your health dwindling down the list.

But no one needed to know that.

*****

Week One

"And that's me done, you ready to break?" Will asked, setting aside the tablet on the desk. You both took your breaks together as much as you could, any time you could get together you would take.

"Yes I am." You nodded, slipping your hand into his as you began walking out of the ED. "I remember someone promising coffee from the cart outside."

Will chuckled, rolling his eyes at the reminder of the expensive coffee sitting outside that you loved. Just as he was going to reply, Maggie shouting your name stopped him.

Sighing, your heart felt heavy both figuratively and literally. With a sheepish smile, you pecked him on the cheek with a promise to catch him later on during shift.

Not being able to get a word in, Will simply watched you scurry off to help the next incoming patient, leaving him to change directions towards the cafeteria.

*****

Week two

You should've been more attentive but being short of breath after a run wasn't uncommon. It was early morning and Will's side of the bed was empty so you took what used to be a daily run alone.

As the day progressed, you started feeling tired and your fatigue progressed. It should've been the first sign to you that you needed to slow down and take care of yourself but the next shooting in Chicago just couldn't wait.

"Y/N, are you okay?" April asked, standing besides you with a new file in hand. "You look pale."

"I'm fine." You assured her, nodding as you licked your drying lips. "And before you ask, Will doesn't know and doesn't need to be interrupted, he has a patient in the ICU."

April backed away apprehensively, always trying to check up with you whenever time permitted. Maybe she was also to blame for not being more forceful with her concerns.

It wasn't her fault that she forgot you had a heart disease.

*****

Week three

"I love you so much." You muttered against his forehead before stepping away to leave the dark bedroom.

Will stirred slightly at the contact, shifting under the covers and further messing up his curls you so badly wanted to delve your fingers into but you were on a time crunch.

Just as you were leaving the room, your chest clenched, pain suddenly overtaking you. Clutching onto the door frame, your grip slacked and your bag dropped causing Will to wake up.

"What's wrong?" Will asked in his half awake state, completely disheveled. He was blinking the sleep away while he turned to you and tried to see what was wrong but failed due to severe sleep deprivation.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He continued, voice hoarse like it usually was after a deep sleep

For some reason, you struggled to form words, your chest feeling as though it was being stabbed repeatedly.

And for some reason, you couldn't come up with a logical excuse and you stupidly left without a word to your lover.

*****

Week four

You couldn't ignore it anymore.

It felt like your body was starting to give up on you. You were constantly tired and out of breath and the chest pains never let up, at times, they even doubled and felt worse than the worst of your period cramps.

The biggest flashing red warning sign should've been when you fainted in the bathroom after your shower.

You came home shattered from your 24 hour shift. Just as you walked in the door, Will was leaving for his 48 hour shift. At this point, you really felt like the world was against you.

You were kinda like roommates more than romantic partners. You were barely at home together and at work, you tried to keep interactions to a minimum after the small incident that the board was elevating ridiculously.

Waking up on the bathroom rug, your body felt numb almost paralysed. It was like what movies described comas to be but your chest was still pulsating in pain.

You weren't being a really good nurse because you simply got up, drank some water and ate some food before sleeping it off.

*****

Week five

The silence was suffocating.

The two of you finally got more than two minutes together but words somehow failed you.

With droopy eyes and furrowed brows, your hands itched to grab the blue scrubs covering your chest. If it wasn't for your boyfriend sitting opposite you, you would've been hunched over the sinks in the women's room.

"What's wrong?" It was a question but with that tone, it felt more like a demand. His two words hit you hard, your eyes dragging from the table up to his big brown eyes filled with nothing but eternal love and concern. "And don't say nothing cause that's clearly bullshit."

And for some reason, you flinched.

Licking your chapped lips, you scrunched your eyes closed at the pain encasing your heart. Despite being back on your medication, the pain didn't cease.

"Y/N? Baby-"

"CODE SILVER. CODE SILVER IN THE ED."

*****

Today

For the past week, Will was hypervigilant about his work. Peter kalmik was never his biggest fan so it didn't help he was constantly making his presence known along with the more power holding board members.

You hated how he no longer fought his case and he just conformed, keeping his head buried in the sand and distanced himself from those he cared about.

It got to such a point that when Jay came in with only work intentions, Will physically forced himself to stay well away.

You were so caught up in your concern for him that you neglected your medication on the kitchen counter.

The pain today all of a sudden increased tenfold in the middle of shift. You were helping Doris turn over a treatment room, listening as she talked about her family drama that you loved to hear about when you felt the world come to an abrupt stop.

Before you knew it, breath escaped you and darkness enveloped you.

“Y/N?!” Doris shouted, going around the bed and crouching down besides your unconscious body.

As she started checking your pulse and your breathing, Connor ran in with Maggie in tow having witnessed you fall from the nurses desk.

In a flurry of rushed movements, you were placed on a bed as your friends searched for the cause of your unconscious state. Out of the blue, Maggie spoke up, reminding everyone of your heart condition.

Equipped with the new but old information, the cardiothoracic surgeon was now more than confident he was able to help you.

"Whose her emergency contact? Is it still her parents or has it been changed to Will?" Connor asked the charge nurse as they started wheeling the gurney towards the elevators. They needed to get you into surgery as soon as possible before you deteriorated.

"Good question."

"Page him anyways."

"Already on it."

*****

"I'm a horrible boyfriend."

"No you're not."

"All the signs were there and I missed them."

"We did too."

"I know Connor is one of the best but what if-"

"I'm going to stop you right there." Maggie cut him off, looking at him sternly, eerily resembling the face of a mother telling off her child. "This is no ones fault and you know that, stop punishing yourself for something no one could control."

Will opened his mouth to interject but stopped himself when Maggie held her hand up. "Yes, maybe Y/N should've taken better care of herself but as a doctor, you know that this surgery was inevitable anyways."

"It's better that she was already in the hospital and not home alone where no one would've noticed till you finished in another eight hours." Maggie continued, being more gentle as she got her point across. She was just as concerned but for everyone else's sake, she could be their pillar.

"Look at her Will." Maggie said, gently rubbing him on the back, hopefully bringing him some comfort. "She's in the best hands."

And of course Will knew that, he wouldn't say it to Connor's face but the man was a heck of a surgeon. There was no one else he would want operating on you but he was simply unnerved to no end.

He couldn't wipe off this icky feeling he had. It lurked around him like a shadow and stuck to him like a stain. He felt like a failure - he was unable to help you as both a doctor and a boyfriend - what good was he?

News spread of your collapse around the hospital and as an automatic response, the hospital board stepped metres away from Will, almost like he was sick with a deathly contagious disease.

It was so stupid that it was funny.

Will wanted to rip his hair out. How he was even standing watching your surgery was beyond him right now. He felt sick to his stomach at the sight of your chest cracked open, your heart just there for the world to see.

He never felt so useless before.

*****

Waking up was one of the most confusing scenarios you've ever been in. The last thing you remembered was being in the ED with Doris before blinking and the next thing you knew, you were waking up in recovery.

Your body felt like the heaviest gym weights were sat on you. Your mouth unbelievably dry as your eyes squinted in the dim lighting, trying to look around the room for any sign of life.

And right by your bedside, sleeping in a very awkward position was the man you considered the love of your life.

It must've been the movement of your head, you literally turning your head less than 90 degrees that woke him up because without any further prompting, Will was no longer dead to the world.

Instantly, he was alive and alert, no trace of sleep anywhere on his face as he made eye contact with you.

He felt as light as a feather to see you awake, the biggest weight being lifted off his chest from the relief that nothing went wrong despite knowing Connor made no mistake at all.

"Pulmonary valve stenosis." Was the first thing Will said, easily recognising the confusion painting your face. "Connor put in a balloon. They'll keep you for probably a week to monitor you to see if you need a valvotomy."

You hummed, letting him know that you understood everything he told you without talking. Somehow, without even looking at him, he knew and brought forth a cup with a straw in, holding it to your mouth allowing you to sip easily.

"I'm so sorry Y/N." Will said earnestly, his eyes shimmering as he intertwined your fingers with his. "I wasn't paying enough attention to you otherwise-"

"Stop." You interrupted him, voice still slightly hoarse from not using it. "Blaming yourself helps no one."

"What's done is done." You continued, squeezing his hands when he squeezed yours first. "I'm really the one to blame. If I took care of myself and did something when I first was having problems then we wouldn't be here."

Silence followed, the only sound being the constant beeping from all the machines attached to you.

"Never faint on me again, you hear me?"

"Can't promise you that babes."

"Yes you can."

"You're hilarious Will."

"No, I'm being serious Y/N."

"Don't make me laugh, where's Connor Rhodes, my favourite doctor?"

"Very funny, I think I'll buy April expensive cart coffee next time."

[hmslusitania]

Thoughts on Absolute Power (and also, tangentially, Watchmen):

When I first went to pick up the initial issues from my local comic book shop, the proprietor, with whom I've become social, and I got into a conversation about the event as a whole. Some people on his Facebook group where he talks about comics (being as he is a fifty-something man in possession of a brick and mortar comic book retail outfit) were complaining that there were now multiple major events in a row where Amanda Waller was the antagonist, and I remarked that it really, really felt like this was kinda gonna be the last Amanda Waller-led major crossover, on account of there's nowhere for her to go from here.

And I stand by that, but I couldn't fully and concretely explain why until just now.

I didn't manage to grab a printing of Task Force VII #1 the week it came out, but I found it today while I was browsing due to my comics guy having supplier troubles. But reading it, now that I have it, I understand why I'm absolutely convinced this is going to take Amanda Waller so entirely off the chess board, and probably kill her.

At the back of the issue, Steve Trevor is dropped off at Gamorra for his new assignment, and is analysing the tactical situation because he may officially work for the United States government and therefore at this moment for Waller, but he's Diana's man through and through, and he has the panel of introspection:

And it clicked: both why Waller is under the impression she's going to win, and why she actively will not.

She has taken the question "who watches the watchmen" and answered it with "I do", which wouldn't really be a recipe for utter failure except that... she's running on Watchmen the Snyder Edition. And the thing that has always bothered me about the Snyder movie (there are many; I have an on-tap rant) is that the reason, in the original comic run, that Ozymandias (the Smartest Man Alive!!!!) doesn't frame John Osterman (Dr Manhattan) for the major disaster is because it would only... be an American problem. Ιf Dr Manhattan attacked New York? American on American violence. If Dr Manhattan attacked literally anywhere else? American aggression. The whole entire reason Ozymandias goes through the trouble of creating a giant monster that is so obviously alien and then dropping it in New York to create a cataclysm is elucidated throughout the comic, via such panels as the flashback to Vietnam where one of the reporters points out "You said 'Superman is real and he's American?" and the general responds, "No, I said 'God is real and he's American.'"

Dr Manhattan is unquestionably American, and so if Ozymandias is trying to foster world peace, he cannot under any circumstance have Dr Manhattan appear to be responsible for any unifying atrocity.

The Snyder film version of Watchmen, while visually exact and nearly perfect on solely the metrics of cast and art direction, utterly and completely fucks the dog on this major plot point. Ozymandias, unlike Zack Snyder, is supposed to be the smartest man alive. He would not make a major atrocity that could unite the world by framing A Notably American Superhuman Who Might Essentially Be God.

Amanda Waller in Absolute Power is doing her goddamn best to be Ozymandias. She's set up all metahumans to take the fall. She's been working on actively destroying their public rep since Dark Crisis and only furthered her aims during Lazarus Planet and Beast Wars. But she's not going to fix any of her problems, because at the end of the day, Amanda Waller and her task forces are notably American agents, now with all their own consolidated superpowers. She wants to believe she's Ozymandias. She is, regrettably, Zack Snyder.

And also? While I will of course reserve judgement since the event isn't over yet, basically Every comic writer since Alan Moore has done their level best to try and mimic Watchmen or V for Vendetta in some capacity, all ultimately without success and with an overall worsening effect on the artform. Having a major crossover event that's touching basically all of DC comics that seems to be very intentionally setting itself up to have the protagonist (Amanda Waller) follow in specifically Snyder!Ozymandias's footsteps and therefore for a very specific brand of failure, is... deeply compelling to me.

The point of Watchmen is that Ozymandias ultimately fails because Rorschach sent that journal outlining his plans, of course, but in the Snyder version, that was unnecessary set dressing. In the Snyder version Ozymandias failed by the very outline of the plan itself. Amanda Waller has failed at the planning stage, despite the literal decades we've seen her working on it in the Origins tie in.

Also I have read Watchmen arguably too many times

[zuzsenpai]

Full story (so far) of the work project from hell that's lost me vacation time, lost me sleep and hair, caused a number of panic attacks, and literally gave me my period when I'm not supposed to have periods and haven't had one in a year and a half.

I'll put it under a cut because I'm sure most of you don't want to read all this shit. I just wanted to vent and get it out.

So around the beginning of September, a video project request came into our office. The way it was explained to us by the project coordinator in marketing (who I will call "Sam"), was that it was going to be a TV spot as part of a big campaign that the CEO is requesting. The topic is letting people know that our healthcare network has a zillion awards for all 15 of our hospitals, compared to the other healthcare network in our area (this is a VERY common marketing strategy for us even though it's been proven the public does not give a shit which network has the most awards). It's a very dull "look at us and our awards and stats" video that, again, the public couldn't give a shit about. But the CEO wants it because ego.

We were told the video needed to be produced in two weeks, because the CEO wants to see the campaign ASAP. This means, for my team, that we don't have time to shoot new footage for this campaign. We were given a pretty mediocre script (we do not write the scripts), with directions to get it professionally voiced and to use old footage we've already shot in order to get this done in time.

That's where I became involved. I'm not a videographer (I do the animations and various other things). I know how to edit, and I know how to edit fast. But if this were a piece we had time for (that had a much better script), our video team of FOUR videographers would have handled this. But I got the project because of the bullshit reasons that I "know where all our footage is" and "can edit fast".

This was a week before I was supposed to go on vacation. I was supposed to go on vacation for a week and a half. My manager (who I will call "Betsy") KNEW I was going on vacation, but she still gave me the project. I know I should have given it to the video team and that point, but I didn't. That was my first and biggest mistake.

The higher-ups in marketing took their sweet ass time choosing an ending tagline and creating graphic design elements I could use in my video. I still didn't have them by the end of that week. We had our voiceover guy record half a dozen taglines that were supposed to be chosen from, just so something could be eventually edited in.

I had a draft that didn't include the tagline or graphic design elements ready by the end of the week. Meaning the day before I went on vacation. My second and almost just as big mistake was saying I would work on it over vacation. But honestly, this was for the CEO, and the VP of marketing hadn't approved my raise yet and I am always feeling like I would be the first on the chopping block if we needed to downsize the department. So I wanted to prove myself.

Anyway, while I was on vacation, I kept all the channels open: Teams, Outlook, etc. I had a VERY hard time relaxing because I knew at any moment I'd have to pick this project up. I also have massive burnout and just could not get myself to chill out. Anyway, a couple things happened by Thursday of that week: the tagline was finally chosen, the script changed and a whole 20 seconds was added to the video, and the graphic design elements came in. Keep in mind the project was supposed to have been done in two weeks. Meaning by the literal NEXT DAY. That wasn't happening at this point, so I was given a new deadline of a first draft by the following Wednesday.

I scrambled to coordinate the voiceover guy coming in again even though I couldn't be there. I scrambled even harder to find 20 more seconds of footage while I was over 100 miles away and had incredibly slow access to our video server. In fact, I could barely view or download video at all. I panicked for DAYS trying to get video downloaded, but it was just NOT happening.

I cut my vacation short and got in by Tuesday morning that next week. I had a single day to figure this video out. I was able to manage it by the skin of my teeth. I sent the draft on Wednesday and eventually heard back that Sam, the VP of marketing (who I will call "Ken"), and a few other higher-ups in marketing loved it. Great. The end!

Except the Chief Strategy Officer (Ken's boss), suddenly needed to approve it. I will call him "Ray". So Ray is new at his job and apparently needs to have his fingers in ever single piece of marketing that comes out of the marketing department. This is the opposite of how the old guy who retired used to do it. Ray is also the CEO's son-in-law. So, a Jared Kushner if you will. He's trying to prove himself and in the process, he is micromanaging to the extreme. But also it takes him forever to make decisions. Great combination there, all around.

It takes Ray over a week to even look at the video, during which I start getting other projects with quick deadlines. And when Ray does look at it, he comes back with the unhelpfully vague comments of "it's unsophisticated", "doesn't look like a sleek big city ad" and "is not emotional". So he rejects it and asks for a completely new video to be done, ASAP. Marketing collectively loses their minds in a bad way. The project coordinator (Sam) decides to inform me of this by immediately sending me an email outlining everything that was "wrong" with the video, despite having originally said he loved it. He told me a new one needed to be done and it needed to be done FAST. It needed to look like a polished, high budget, big city ad.

Well that wasn't getting done. I told him this. He didn't care. Ray gets what he wants. Even though Ray did NOT say that's what he wanted from the beginning. Even though I made a good video based on the shitty script I was given. The script that was supposedly approved by Ray himself. The script that had no story, was unemotional, and given an unreasonable deadline to get produced into a video.

This was last Thursday. I had a breakdown in my office, sobbing and hyperventilating. I decided I would finally bring in the video team. I needed one of them to do this. I needed to be done with it. I had 4 other projects with deadlines fast approaching (all of them animations, so I was the only one who could do them). Betsy called an in-person meeting with her, myself, and the 4 videographers.

I was still having a massive panic attack as I tried extremely hard to be normal in that meeting. I tried my best to explain to the team what I needed. The videographers were super angry on my behalf that I was even given the project in the first place, and they were extremely willing to redo the video from the ground up. I was grateful beyond belief. My video was scrapped, which sucks, but I didn't care at that point

A few days later on the following Monday (this past Monday), around 4PM, I was told that Ken decided we were going to go over Ray's head and "just edit the video we already have into a sleek, emotional, big city ad". Using the same script and most of the same footage. Just "make it better". Ken's reasoning was that this video was for the CEO and not Ray. And the CEO wanted it weeks ago.

Because this was an update to the existing video, Betsy informed me that I had to jump back on the project to make the edits. The edits that were a nebulous "make it better". I knew the project already and I can edit quickly. So it's mine again. Again, I had 4 other projects with deadlines of THIS WEEK. I had to send emails apologizing to a few people for not having the projects done.

So I spent Monday evening (at home) and all of Tuesday (yesterday) fucking around with the video. I asked the video team their thoughts on what would make it better and "sleeker", and they came back with things like "no amount of tricks and transitions is going to make that old footage look any better". So, unhelpful as fuck. Sam just kept saying "use tricks from big city ads! Just copy them! make it emotional!"

I did what I could. I found an emotional song, I used some flashy transitions, I slowed down some footage for dramatic effect, and I found a few pieced of stock footage that looked more "polished" than the footage I had. Granted ALL of the footage I originally used was local. It was our hospitals and our doctors and our staff. It just wasn't shot for this video. I tried to keep as much of that local feel in as possible, because I know the CEO likes that. I neglected projects for this. I stressed about this. Couldn't sleep. Got my fucking period after a year and a half on birth control.

I sent out a draft at 3PM yesterday. To Sam and Ken. Didn't hear back, but that's pretty normal (Ken sends work emails at like 10PM). 4:30 rolled around and I got up to leave. Betsy called me into her office as I passed by.

Betsy: I have something I need to tell you.

Me: ?????

Betsy: This morning Ken told me that we farmed your project out to [freelance video production company that we sometimes use].

Me: I'm sorry what.

Betsy: I didn't tell you because I didn't want it to upset you or hurt your feelings.

Me: But... then why did I work the project all day????

Betsy: Because I think we needed to show Ken what we are capable of.

Me: But that's irrelevant. He asked the other company to do it.

Betsy: Yes but I think he really wanted us to do it.

Me: So I sent a draft to Ken after he'd already farmed it out to the other company?

Betsy: Yes. But I sent him an email explaining it.

I didn't know what to say. I was furious. But Betsy is in charge of asking Ken for my raise, so I waited until I got to my car to start crying and screaming. I was in a bad state last night.

Got in this morning to an email from Ken just saying "Please find time to discuss tomorrow afternoon". So essentially a "see me after class". This could go one of three ways.

He could tell me he likes it and here are a few edits (unlikely, though he DID like the original and it's not too different from that?????)

He could tell me it needs a lot of work and changes and I need to do it ASAP (likely and stressful)

He could get mad I wasted my time, which is entirely Betsy's fault (likely and gets Betsy in a load of trouble)

The meeting with him is at 3PM tomorrow. I'm working from home because I need it at this point. I'm so sick of this. I'm so done. I'm even done typing about it right now because I am just so out of steam. I have so many deadlines and I'm so burnt out and I am so exhausted.

[theyluvlyss]

𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐝𝐮𝐝𝐞😭

I couldn't imagine having allergies at all, let alone year round (I don't get allergies haha flex).

but I am sick asf right now so I can somewhat relate in the moment :'). due to that fact, y'all might get a couple more sick-fics, idk🤷🏽‍♀️.

𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

《 ♡ 》 imagine

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 :

out of all of the places you could've been born - krypton, themyscira, even in a lab would do - you were born right here on earth in a regular ol' hospital, in a regular ol' town, to live a regular ol' life. amongst the flowers and the pollen, the cold and humidity, the wind and rain.

and out of all of the things to be born with - superpowers, enhanced abilities, preferably a higher immune system - you were born with the most sensitive nose and lungs ever.

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 :

fem!strong allergies!reader x freddy freeman - she/her/hers pronouns!

𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐞 :

post shazam!: fury of the gods - starts at the beginning of the year, ends at the end of the year

𝐓𝐖/𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 :

cursing - mentions of (and reader having) allergies/illness - freddy being the sweetest of sweethearts to ever be sweet - like srsly, this is all just tooth-rotting fluff - there's some references here and there, I think?? I don't rmbr😃

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 :

You laid in bed with your eyes glued to the ceiling, moping to yourself internally while the sound of your periodic sniffles further continued to fuel the harbored rage you held towards your teachers.

"Have a good spring break!"

"...And once that's done, enjoy the rest of your break!"

"Have fun on your two weeks off!"

"...Spring break!"

Spring, spring, spring...

How in the hell were you supposed to be enjoying the constant itch in your throat and stuffed up nose and, god, the sneezing...? You were growing sick of it (literally and emotionally), and to make matters worse, you'd been like this the entire first week of your two week "break."

You might as well have been sick.

"Ohh-!" Your mother jokingly scoffed, entering your room (without a knock, as most tended to do) with a curiosity about her that went subsided at the sight of you.

"Don't look so depressed. It's a nice day out, at least do something constructive."

"Of course you'd say that." You sneered, and suddenly realized that rage was being directed in the wrong place. Your teachers were just doing their job, being kind and offering their wishes of a good spring break. It wasn't their fault. You looked towards your mom, one half of the problem...

"You and dad got all of the good genes, and I got..."

You gestured to yourself, no further explanation needed other than a quiet, "...this." to finish off your sentence.

With your mom shooting you another knowing look, chin angled downwards and eyebrows raised, you flopped back onto your bed and sunk into the feeling of your allergies rendering you physically weak. It was the sudden raking sound of your blinds being pulled back and the gush of sunlight entering your room that had you then pulling the covers over yourself, unwilling to face the light.

"Close them...!" You practically whined. "My head still hurts, and I-... I..."

A sneeze interrupted your protests, the blankets rising and falling with the large puffs of air exiting with each sneeze.

"Bless you." - "Bless you." - "Bless you." - "Bless you."

You prepared yourself for one more with the following of your mother excusing each one individually, but it had died down in your chest, a pitiful groan taking its place instead as you adjusted and wiggled around under your blanket.

"If you don't get up, you're not gonna get any better." You heard the woman advise. "Besides, you need to eat something before you take this medicine."

Your curiosity peaked at the mention of such, slowly lowering your blankets just enough to reveal your disheveled hair and teary eyes. Sure enough, your mother had a real reason for barging into your room, a bottle of allergy relief spotted in her hand as she waltzed closer to the edge of your bed.

You sat up, mood slightly increasing at just the thought of feeling better. But, upon reaching for it, your mother pulled it away and repeated herself.

"You need to eat something before you take it."

"Ughhh, mom...!" You groaned in exasperation. "Let me take it now, and I'll eat right after, please."

She merely shook her head, taunting you without trying before she was right back to standing and waltzing out of the door.

"You can find me in the kitchen...!" She hummed over her shoulder and purposely left your door open after her exit. Instead of doing so, you were right back in between your blankets and pillows, dreading the feeling of doing any further mental or physical tasks.

The buzzing of your phone was what brought you out of your misery, head slowly lolling over towards your dresser until you could make out the contact name on your screen.

─────────────────────

| freddy spaghetti😻 |

─────────────────────

Suddenly, even if for just a moment, you forgot any and all that dampened your mood. Hell, you'd even argue that your nose unclogged for a second, your first smile of the day creeping onto your face at your boyfriend's unexpected call.

"Heyyy-hi...!" He greeted enthusiastically, elongating his words with his face all up in the camera that left you giggling carefully so as not to bring pain to your chest. "How's my super-babe feelin'?"

"Not so super..." You admitted with a shrug, smile faltering and unsure as to if you were blushing or just suffering from a fever. Either way, your cheeks and forehead suddenly ran hot, and it left Freddy to pout on your behalf.

"Allergies?" He guessed, and was answered by your - !... !... !... !... !... - five whole sneezes in a row.

"Allergies." He concluded before shifting his postion from a relaxed lean against his arm to holding the phone high above him with both hands, curls sprawled against his pillow, and an all-too-handsome grin to go with.

"Well, at least you're still a babe." He sighed out his flirt with such a casualness that left you grinning all over again, a wink thrown your way leaving you certain that if you weren't blushing before, you definitely were now.

"Yeah, right..." You scoffed in order to badly cover up how smitten you already were. Hardly a minute into the call, and he had you feeling the best you'd felt all morning, regardless of an itchy throat and mild headache.

"I look like Rudolph the fucking reindeer with my nose this red."

"I think it's cute-! Very festive!" Freddy rushed. You gave him a deadpan look.

"It's the middle of March."

"And?"

At first, you thought he was serving you unprompted attitude, facial expression just as dry as yours had been seconds ago, tone just the same. But then you realized it was just because he was focused. Focusing on his phone screen. Focused right on the-

*flash* *flash* *flash* *flash*

"No-! Stop taking screenshots...!!" You nearly screeched, ducking out of frame while Freddy gave a smug laugh. An audible, "hehehehehehe" that could've been mistaken for a troll or gremlin of some kind letting you know you were too late.

"You look cute, though...!" He pretended to whine, shaking his phone as though it'd bring your face back on camera.

When it did return, it was at the distant voice of your mother from the kitchen, side profile now in view as your eyes stared towards your bedroom door, big and round at the call.

"(Y/N), come eat and take your meds, now...!!"

"But, mom...!!" You called back, fighting the tickle in your throat that urged you to cough. "It's Freddy, I'm talking to Freddy...!!"

But alas, she had no care for your reasoning, simply giving a dramatic huff of exasperation before calling back, "Well, tell him you love him, get off the phone, and come eat...!!"

Finally, you let that cough go, which inevitably proved the woman's point before you faced your boyfriend one last time with a pout of your own that was very much real.

"No, don't do that, stop it." He cooed, solemnly chuckling at your expression before swiftly-

*flash*

"Stop...!!"

"You first!" He countered. "Both looking so cute and pouting."

And to pull a final smile from you, he did the honor of "kissing" it away, bringing his puckered lips to the camera and making kissy noises that earned him more than a grin. Giggles escaped, and you even entertained Freddy by doing it back, only stopping when an abrupt groan came from his end. More laughter ensued, from the both of you, Billy in the background grumbling something about "we share a room, y'know...!" and "...so sappy when we have a world to save..." etcetc.

"(Y/N)...!!"

"Okay...!!" Was your rushed response for your mother before turning back to Freddy and practically whispering, "Bye, Freds, I love you, and I miss you."

"Ahh, don't worry. Just turn on the news and you'll see me."

It wasn't long before you had sluggishly brought yourself from the comfort of your bed and the dopamine of your FaceTime call with Freddy, trudging towards your dining table so you could weakly shove down a meal and finally get that allergy relief your mother held hostage.

"Okay, do these "superheroes" actually save people, or are they here to just cause a scene?"

You looked towards the TV at your father's words, your eyes lighting up as the reporter signaled for her camera to aim at the sky.

"...And we're not fully sure of the intention behind this message, nor if it's specific, but in good nature, I'd like to assume the Philadelphia Fiascos are bidding you all an easy-going, allergy free Spring...!"

The words, created from the sheer speed of Freddy's flying in his superhero form, read 'Get Well Soon <3' while he gave a two finger salute to the camera and anchor woman.

To you.

And you knew that as you did a terrible job of hiding your flattered expression from your family.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 :

Your eyes remain glued the the blue of the sky, not a cloud in sight yet sill anticipating the appearance of something. But alas, you knew you'd have to wait for later tonight to see anything worth marveling at, fireworks due to go off once the nighttime had set in.

So, instead, you spent the late afternoon of July 4th sitting in the grass, itching away at your legs and waiting for Victor to finish grilling. Hotdogs, steaks, burgers, chicken, you name it! Very American, not that you'd be caught dead celebrating the actual holiday. Today was just a day to get together with loved ones, eat, drink, and light up explosives that were otherwise illegal.

Who cares about-...

What does the fourth celebrate again?

You couldn't remember, still preoccupied with leaning forward in order to scratch at the irritating skin that had been bothering you since you left the house. And nevermind the pollen, allergy relief only able to do so much before you found yourself drawing in shallow breaths to let out a harsh, loud-

"ha-CHOO...!!"

. . .

"Aww-! Noo...!" You whined, the force of your sneeze catapulting your ice cream off of the cone still gripped in your palm. You watched the frozen treat splat into the green of the grass, the color of your flavor a stark contrast as you stared in disbelief.

"Oh-ho-ho, noo..." Freddy cooed at the sore sight, a chuckled lightly mixed in before he went on. "Well, there's no use crying over spilled milk..."

Truth be told, you genuinely considered crying, not wanting to hear the less-than-comforting words of your boyfriend beside you, who still had his ice cream perfectly intact.

"I can't even enjoy a barbecue because my body's immune system is trash." You commented.

"Don't say that." Freddy soothed, for real this time, though, rubbing a gentle hand up and down your back. "You did good for a while, there. First sneeze all day!"

"Yeah, but I've been itching like crazy! And my eyes keep tearing up. I think it's the grass..."

Freddy nodded in agreement, looking around to see that his family did happen to pick a spot right in the middle of the park field. Granted, the place was growing more populated by the group/family due to tonight's fireworks show hosting, but he'd much rather put your comfort over a summer tradition.

With that in mind, he stood, his crutch in hand as you followed in action, rubbing your eyes in a bad attempt to sooth the irritation until your hand was gently pried away and filled with another cone.

"Here, you take this..." Freddy spoke after handing you his own ice cream for you to eat after the devastating loss of yours.

"Wait, no, you don't have to-"

"-...and I'll go find a spot at a table, for now."

"Freddy..." You tried to interject again, but he wasn't having it. His mind already set and on a mission to achieve maximum allergy relief for his girl.

"Just until the fireworks start, y'know? Plus, I doubt you want bugs all over you when the food's ready."

"I-...That's true."

Though his actions and thoughts were simple, just a mere reaction to your discomfort, you couldn't help but feel slightly overwhelmed at Freddy's attentiveness. You hadn't gotten used to the way he was always so patient with you, especially about what you were sensitive to, which felt like almost everything a lot of the time. You figured if it was a drag on you, it certainly bothered everyone else around. Hell, growing up, you were the infamous "sick kid" always home with a rumored flu or cold.

And when you were in, you weren't exactly... popular, per se. No one wanted to catch whatever it was you had, when in reality, you didn't have anything at all! Nothing contagious, anyway. Just... really bad, year-round allergies.

You thought it a wonder Freddy was able to ignore such a thing. Not even ignore it, but accommodate for it, which is more than what anyone has ever done for you besides your parents.

. . .

"Thank you." You said, eventually, after a long afternoon of laughing and talking, eating and dancing, family activies, and all of the sneezes, coughs, and lathering of itch cream in between.

Night was here now, and while yes, you two had returned to the grass along with his family in anticipation for the fireworks, your eyes no longer remained fixated on the sky. They stayed on Freddy, admiring all of his features as best you could in the dark and elaborating further when he turned to you in confusion.

"Thank you for not getting sick of me."

"Wh-?! How could I? You don't even have to thank me for that, I- What?" He stammered over his swift words, which was pretty much a norm for him as you chuckled slightly before going on.

"I just mean, like... Sometimes, I'm sick of being sick. And I know I'm not sick. It's just allergies. But no one else really knows that unless I tell them, and even then, I feel like it gets... annoying, almost? For me, yeah, and for other people because I am, essentially, always sick. I can't just... enjoy stuff because I'm always worried about what's gonna make me sneeze the most or what's gonna make my eyes flare up."

There was a pause.

"I know it's really not that deep, but I'm just glad you take the time to understand, you know? And that you're not annoyed by me."

Another pause. Freddy spoke.

"It kinda is that deep, though."

"...What?"

Freddy adjusted himself so that he was fully turned towards you, offering up his full attention in hopes he would gain yours in return.

"I don't want you to feel like you're just your allergies, okay? Like, yeah, you sneeze a lot, but you have the cutest sneezes, so it's not like anyone could possibly be annoyed unless they're morons."

"Freddy..." You cautioned with a knowing smirk, and he gave a gentle, pushing hand of defense.

"Kidding-! Ish. But seriously, I love you for you, (Y/N). For all of the things you like, for the things you do, the things you think and believe. I mean, hello, you literally-!" He came in close, whispering as if he wasn't talking amongst a chattering and unaware crowd.

"...you literally accepted me when I told you about the sha-ha-zam thing."

You giggled at the memory, nodding at his words as you spoke.

"Why wouldn't I? It doesn't make you any less Freddy. You're still my boyfriend, and I love you. Wanna make you comfortable and happy, you know?"

"Exactly!" Freddy agreed. "So you do get it. That's exactly how I feel about you, I mean- What, you think a little pollen-induced snot is gonna keep me from kissing you?"

"Okay, okay, I get it...!"

"Puh-lease, woman." He finished as though he hadn't heard your protest, only dropping the serious act when he saw yours break into an expression of glee.

As you shared the rest of your laughs together, unable to pull away from each other's gazes, the light of the first firework shooting off into the sky lit up your faces. It brought on a romantic swell, a final factor into sharing a sweet kiss as it exploded in the air, the golden colors fading away along with the thought of anything possibly irritating you further this summer evening.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 :

The humidity caused a stuffy feeling all over, a cold sweat thinly lining your person. You ignored it, for now, playing with the edge of the rug you sat atop mindlessly with your gaze fixated on the screen displaying first-person views of blood splattering and gunfire.

"Freds, you said after this last round it'd be my turn."

Billy gave an audible, "Tch." at your huff, smirking down at you from his spot on the sofa-chair while he waited for the loading screen to pass.

"Never seen someone so eager to lose before."

"Shut up...!" you exclaimed, whipping your head around to face him. "That's why you can't even beat Freddy on easy mode."

"The scores say otherwise."

It was now your turn it scoff at his bold claim, snickering while you spoke on semi-behalf of your boyfriend.

"Can't do math either, apparently, 'cause Freddy beat you this round, which means he's won more times than you."

"I'm hyping myself up for the next round, (Y/N). Ever heard of self-encouragement?"

Speak of the handsome devil, he was quick to butt in with his own opinion on the matter, coffee brown eyes still glued to the screen while strengthening his character with extra ammo and inventory.

"I find this argument to be both funny and pointless, seeing as my skills are better than both of yours combined."

"Says who?" Billy laughed in disbelief, his attention now fully towards his brother sprawled across the large, blue beanbag next to him.

"Says me! I'm the one with training from the ultimate game master of this family."

Giggling to yourself, you looked back at him with a start of hilarity he caught in your own (E/C) eyes, already preparing himself for whatever it was you were about to dish.

"Oh, you mean you mean the literal twelve year old?"

Alright, there was no combating that. It was the truth, Eugene proving himself the best video game teacher any one of you had ever met. Which, in your guy's case, was sort of pathetic for a group of teenagers.

But still...

"Okay- Babe, who's side are you on?"

"Mine!" You answered without second thought. "I want a turn, you promised."

"Okay, sure." Freddy shrugged, leaning over to hand you the controller. It barely grazed the pads of your fingers before it was snatched back, the sound coming from the TV an indicator of a new game beginning.

"After this round." Freddy swiftly added, leaving you to toss your head back with a frustrated whine.

"Dude...!"

But before you could scold him on keeping his word, the sound of the front door creaking open caused all of your heads to shift to the right. But alas, there was no need to see who would enter first, the noise enough for all of you to tell it was the two youngest who had arrived, along with Pedro from the walk to the nearby gas station.

"We've brought sustenance...!!"

The video game master himself eventually made his way into the living room, greeting you all with arms full of snacks and drinks to choose from.

"Thanks." Both boys murmured in unison, hardly sparing Eugene a glance with their focus solidly glued to the game. It caused you to roll your eyes and stand, ignoring the rude behavior of both of them as you gently took the food from his grasp and actually made eye contact.

"Thank you, this is sweet."

"It's no problem, but, uh..."

Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, his eyes shifted behind his glasses towards where the front door was, assuming it was still open as Pedro walked in. He also bore an anxious expression, and it mildly concerned you as you looked back towards Eugene in question.

"It's not a...huge deal or anything, but... aren't you allergic to cats?"

"...Yes?"

And before you could question the random and sudden interest in your bodily weaknesses, a shout grabbed all of your attention.

"Wait, stop, come back...!!"

Little balls of fur came barreling through the house unexpectedly in all directions, their mewls tiny like them, yet so loud as Darla came running in after them

"I can't catch you all...!" She gasped, and followed three that had gone running towards the kitchen.

"You can't just bring home every animal you find while we're out." Eugene chided, following after as Pedro managed to capture two more into his hands before they could get far.

"We couldn't just leave them in a box in the cold."

Eugene shrugged, a lot of truth in Pedro's defense that made it hard to argue against.

"Yeah, but...still..."

Before any of you could fully question the matter, you nearly jumped at another pair of kittens that came running towards you, attempting to walk backwards before they could come any closer until you found yourself tripping over Billy's ankle.

"Oh shi-"

And down you went, falling over his lap and over to Freddy, landing nearly on top of the boy who began to let out unintelligible shouts about his controller and the game and-

"I guess it's a tie, then." Billy commented, not too bummed with the circumstances, seeing as he was losing before he was pleasantly surprised with a bright, orange kitten making itself comfortable in his lap.

"No, no...! Nuh-uh, that doesn't count! Girlfriend interference!"

"It's not like I did it on purpose." You murmured, doing the same as that orange kitten and making yourself comfortable in Freddy's hold. "I was caught off guard, I didn't expect-"

"-They were just kittens." Freddy huffed before you could even finish giving any excuses or apologies for your interruption.

"I'm allergic, you know that!"

"They're this big...!"

He made a gesture with his hands, replicating the size of the kittens to which you completely ignored in favor of dramatics.

"I was attacked!"

A pause loomed over the two of you, staring at each other blankly until a wave of giggles broke the silence, and he was lightly pressing kisses to your temple.

More mewls caught your attention, a small void approaching the two of you and standing on its hind-legs in an attempt to climb up the beanbag.

"Oh my god, it's literally the same size as the controller."

At Freddy's coos, you had to admit that the kitten was very adorable, so itty-bitty while being enclosed in the palms of your boyfriend's hands. Without any thought, your hands outstretched to hold it, it's head whipping towards you in curiosity with its small pink nose and big round eyes, white, wispy whiskers and-

"Bless you."

"Bless you."

"Bless you."

"Bless you."

A final sneeze never came, the feeling dying in your nose, chest, and throat that served as a reminder that there would be no kitten petting or holding for you. Not with such intense allergies. Not if the foster family were all going to creepliy chorus, "Bless you" at you every single time you sneezed.

"Freddy, I can't stay here, there's too many cats."

Your voice strained as you talked, hands rubbing at your itchy eyes while the hot flash started to increase tenfold.

"But look, he likes you." Freddy cooed further, holding the black cat up to your face as if he were attempting to hypnotize you with the blue of its eyes. And maybe, if your nose hadn't immediately gone stuffy, you'd fall for it.

"She's a girl." Darla corrected, entering the living room with her arms dawning the three kittens that had dashed away from her in the first place.

"But look, she likes you." Freddy repeated as though he hasn't mistaken the gender at all.

"Yeah, well, my body doesn't."

Again, your comment was ignored, the boy moving the kitten as close to your face as possible until you were touching noses ever so gently.

"Boop."

"Ha-! Choo!!"

The cat was gone, her entire body squirming oddly until Freddy let go and she landed on all fours, scurrying away from the loud and frightening creature (you) and its thunderous roar (your sneeze).

"Sorry...!" You called after it pointlessly, sighing to yourself in melancholy while Freddy did his best to pick away each and every last strand of cat hair from both of your persons.

"At least you're not deathly allergic." He hummed as he worked, sensing the wave of sadness thay coursed through your body along with your sickly feeling and trying his best to uplift your spirits.

"Nope." You agreed. "Just a stuffed up nose, sneezing and itching, clamminess, watery eyes-"

"Alright, alright, you got me." Freddy smiled in defense. "So you'll never be able to own a cat one day. Big whoop! You know I'd never let you become a cat-lady anyway. That, like, puts you en route to becoming the next Catwoman, and we can't have that."

At this, your head turned, and you were greeted with the sight of each sibling coddling over one or two kittens, Mary having joined the scene upon hearing the commotion from upstairs. Even Billy was indulging, nobody knowing he even had it in him to be babying something. And yet...

"You're just the cutest little creamsicle, aren't you? With your little toe beans..."

'It should've been me pressing those little toe beans...' You thought to yourself, only speaking back up when another sad sigh left your chest and you were back to facing Freddy, playing with his hands loosely as if they were a better substitute.

"It'd be nice to raise one. Just one, without needing to hack up a lung four seconds later."

And of course, your boyfriend was quick to sympathize with you, poking out his own lip as though he were the one suffering and pouting due to uncontrollable allergies. He hated seeing such a dejected look on your face, unable to enjoy something as simple as playing with a bunch of kittens, and with no real way to solve the issue he felt forced to offer up another choice that didn't involve them at all.

"Wanna go outside? We could go to the park, get on the swings and stuff."

"Let me guess," you deadpanned. "You want me to push you so it feels like you're flying?"

"Wha-! No-! I-... No, that is not even the case, you are such- Yes, you little witch, stop reading my mind."

You giggled at his dramatics, taking your time with scooting off of his lap while you dished up theatrics of your own.

"Ah, yes, the park riddled with germ infested kids and play equipment, along with a cool breeze to carry them all into my already weakened body."

"Okay, now you're just being a Negative Nancy." Freddy chided, using his knee to completely bounce you off of him and onto the floor. You'd let this slide, merely narrowing your eyes at him as he stood and grabbed his crutch.

"C'mon, (Y/N), it's better than being trapped in here with... with that."

Pointing out the way Mary was now being cornered by every last kitten in the room, all anyone could do was watch as they all loudly screamed for her attention, jumping up at her and trying to climb up her fleece skirt all because they had caught just the slightest whiff of the food, salmon, she'd brung home from work.

"Oh my god, spare me...!" She laughed nervously. "I can't give you what I've already eaten, please...!"

You shrugged, nodding at the scene which would be one stop short of torture to you.

"Fair enough."

It was a short trip to the front door, yourself the first to try and exit before you both halted in your tracks, a gray and white tabby the only thing blocking you between kitten-induced allergies and freedom. Almost as if on que, it licked its paw clean and you felt a familiar tickle in the back of your nose.

"Darla...!!"

"AH-choo!!"

"...You left one outside!!"

Neither of you were sure if the little girl had actually heard Freddy or not, too focused on the way the kitten began to stumble closer while you took cautious steps back.

"I want peace."

Amusingly monotonous, yet fully serious, the words left you and surprisingly caused it to stop, big, round eyes staring into yours before scuttling past with eager mewls similar to its kin in pursuit of the picked-up scent of salmon (that were still currently jumping Mary).

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 :

"Are you sure? We can go home if you want."

You shook your head, offering up a shy smile at Freddy's kind suggestion. It hadn't been the first time today, and you were sure it wouldn't be the last, the harsh winter taking a toll on you. Even in the mild warmth and comfort of the public library, the chill of winter still managed to ravage your body, causing you to shuffle further unto your coat and rub up against Freddy's arm whenever you could (which was usually while standing still or sitting).

"I'm okay, just reading along with you."

"You're trembling, (Y/N)."

And with that, he closed the open comic book in his hand, lazily tossing it nowhere near where he found it originally. You stepped back from looking over his shoulder, preparing to follow him towards another section before being taken by surprise when he pulled you into his chest and trapped you in a bear hug.

"Dude, wait-" you tried to warn, but swiftly found it too late when you felt him put the weight of his disabled leg onto you. Now there was officialy no escape. Not from him, or from the prying eyes of the public witnessing the sudden PDA.

"Freddy, stop...!" You whined, the words going muffled against his blue coat. "This is- I'm-..."

"Nobody's even looking." He sassed mildly, and though your slight anxiety told you otherwise, his words proved true as your eyes scanned over what little surroundings you could see. Not a person in sight, though someone could pass by any second...

Before you could point this out, he was rambling to you somewhat quietly, doing his best to heed your playful warning of when you had first agreed to step foot into this library with him.

"Sure, if you can keep your voice down to Darla Is Sleeping levels, we can go in."

"Harhar, you're hilarious."

And yet, despite his sarcasm, he had actually been doing good so far. You'd commend him for it later when you weren't trapped between his biceps.

"You know, what I'm doing right now is - not only super nice because I love you and all - but it's also a part of classic survival techniques. You know, huddling together for warmth so that the human body doesn't catch hypothermia and one freezes to death. Especially when one's immune system is already mildly compromised by allergies. Sound familiar?"

And before you could hit him back with a sarcastic quip or defend yourself with facts of your own, you were sneezing against him and doing your best to apologize between each one.

"Cute." Was his only amused comment.

"No, gross." You corrected, wishing you had been able to cover your mouth.

"Well, yea. But also cute, still."

You scoffed.

"You're telling me you think my allergies are cute?"

"I think everything about you is cute. But, until you're ready to accept that - and the fact that I just wanna help you - I'm not letting go."

He spoke so casually, and as much as it made you want to continue being stubborn and try to pry yourself off of him (or, more accurately, pry him off of you), you couldn't help but be reminded off all the times before where he had taken your allergies into consideration. When he opted to help you, make sure you were as comfortable as possible. Where he'd try and do anything, all sorts of grand gestures, just in the hopes that you'd feel a little better despite the symptoms of your allergies.

All in favor of treating himself, most times. Year-round...

Without further protest upon coming to such a heart-wrenching realization, you gave in, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend willingly and holding him with the need to somehow transfer all of your gratitude to him through feeling. Not really a possible feat, of course, but he knew you very well. So much so that it's almost like he knew of your intentions, swaying side to side as best he could without losing balance and cherishing your embrace.

"Thank you, Freddy."

You had planned to elaborate, like you had one time before, but he cut you off. There was no need.

"Always."

He understood.

𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐨😗...

long time no see😀...

listen, call it the fanfic writer's curse, call it life, I don't know, but a lot of really fucked shit happened while I was gone and while I am not mentally okay, I'm at a point where the very least I can do is return to my humble roots in hopes of feeling better (or distracting myself): fanfiction😌✋🏽.

nothing ever goes wrong in the land of fandom, especially when you're the one in control of everything (I love being an author😻✨️).

but anyway, yeah, as I try to get my life in order and finally make my way back to this app to do what I love, hopefully some good ol' fashioned sick-fics will up the vibe (also, crazy coinky-dink, I started writing this monthssss ago and during that time, I was sick while writing... well, guess who's currently sick AGAIN as she now finally posts this💀... prolly what I get, though lmao).

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 :

anon

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 :

5,493

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 :

@anon-2019

[n7punk]

i know i've kind of talked around this stuff for... fuck, three years now? but idk, now it's getting closer to "resolving," i kind of want to talk about it. journal, get it off my chest, idk

i haven't really been specific about my health issues much because 1) privacy and 2) very complicated feelings on it, but feelings are becoming less complicated, so... yeah. privacy is still really important to me, but i have too many feelings about this to keep feeling like i'm silencing myself for some hypothetical... i dont even know what

tbf, if it had turned out to be anything else, i probably wouldn't be comfortable even making a vent post about it now. but it turned out to be. annoyingly simple. i've also got other stuff, physical disabilities and such i've been more candid about but still want to keep the specifics of private, but this is... very different.

long story short, during the pandemic i started experiencing Symptoms. i'm honestly not sure if/how much i have talked about what was wrong with me, because i don't remember... entire years, much at all. i know ive described it as my brain being on fire, but it's more like it instantly melted down and i was left with the aftermath for hours/days/weeks at a time. it really fucked with me emotionally to be fighting through that on top of the direct effects of the Symptoms. and, well, the problem was my brain (probably) so that tracks.

it turns out it was migraines. migraines that shared many symptoms with seizures, brain tumors, or pressure on the brain stem, but yeah. "just" "migraines." and, actually, we don't know that! but migraine medication is helping, so it's probably that and this is where i am, finally waking up these last few months (this summer of updates could Not have happened if it weren't for my new medication) and feeling both very frustrated with what i lost and relieved to not always have to deal with suddenly being unable to understand a sentence anymore.

it's not like. fixed. my brain is still going to burn sometimes. It seems to come in waves, like two bad weeks and then two good ones. we're not done trying to treat it now we know some stuff it's responsive to, but its not like it used to be, wildfires raging all day and my head wavering on my shoulders as i struggled just to read messages from my friends. i literally had an emote i would use to communicate when i couldn't communicate that everybody who knows me understands. i haven't even twitched since starting my new meds! well, like, uncontrollably. trust me, that's progress. i literally had to get a bigger bed so i could be safe in the middle of it when the fits were especially bad and i got twitchy.

uh so that was more story than i planned. really i just wanted to finally talk about what i've been experiencing (at least for the first time that i remember). honestly writing was the only thing that kept me sane while i was trapped inside my own malfunctioning brain. i don't know why it was one of the easiest things for me, when i couldn't even understand a full two sentences being said to me i could still - usually - write (again: i literally couldn't talk for like three of the days when i was writing and updating catcher daily), but i'm so grateful for it. and everybody who told me my stories helped you, or that you looked forward to them, or even just that you enjoyed them: you helped me right back, because you told me there was one thing i could still do, from a capability standpoint to having the ability to make any impact on the world when i was trapped at home. so thank you.

okay i'm done now. just. had to get that out

[isleofdarkness]

"You bitch!" Maverick barely managed to keep from sighing at the sound of Rose's voice, filled with fury. Great, someone else was pissed with her. She didn't even know what she'd done this time.

"I'm gonna need you to be more specific," Maverick drawled, turning on her heel to face the furious princess. There was sadness and pain in Rose's eyes, which did make her feel kind of bad for both whatever she had done and for being sarcastic, but the hatred made it easier to lock that remorse away and put up her normal front. "I do a lot of "you bitch" worthy things. I can think of like, twelve I've done in the last six hours alone."

"You killed Rook!" Rose snapped. So she was upset that Maverick had killed the person human trafficking her sibling? Sure, that made sense. Not. "I had dibs on killing him!"

Ah.

Maverick softened. "I apologize. I had no idea you'd called it, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry."

There was a long pause as Rose struggled to stay angry, but the sincerety in Maverick's voice had that anger and hate melting away to reveal the pain underneath. She sounded more sad than anything when she finally spoke. "Why did you kill him? You never get involved like that."

"Like that" meant Maverick walking into the Salazan's Grum courtyard, kicking the ass of half of the Queen's guard and killing a good portion, grabbing Rook, and teleporting back to the Mile. The part Rose didn't know was that the two weeks between him being captured and him winding up dead, mutilated and strung up on a noose hanging at the entrance to the courtyard, hadn't been captivity until she got around to dealing with him. No, those two weeks had been her undivided attention, until she'd grown bored of torturing him and had killed him, slowly. For good reason. "I know what he's done to Ace, but a few things recently came to my attention. Ace wasn't the only one." Her lip curled in distaste. Some people really went out of their ways to be evil and Rook was one of those people. "You know of Malachi Mim?" Rose nodded. The look on her face told Maverick that Rose, like most of the Isle, knew what Mim had been putting him through before his "death." "He was Malachi's handler, the one who pimped him out in public because Madre knew I'd kill her ass if she set foot outside doing it. Bought him far too many times to count, too. It's not like he saves up being a monster for three weeks just to take it out on Ace for one, he's a monster every day, he just knew he couldn't get away with constantly abusing your sibling. And then, as if that wasn't enough, he also moonlights in Maleficent's facilities. Gods help any of the poor kids he happened across. And then Constantine Westergaard- gods. What happened to Malachi made me look into Rook and what I found made me sick. Literally. So I killed him. Made it long and slow, drew it out, made it as painful as I possibly could." Her lips curled into a cruel smile at the memories. "If it makes you feel any better, he suffered. But I'm sorry I took your revenge from you. I'll be more careful in the future."

She let Rose process what she'd just heard, hatred returning, though now directed at a new source. When Rose finally relaxed, she knew they had come to an understanding. "Fine, I get why you did it. But for the record, I have dibs on killing our parents and you'd better not take that one or else I'll kill you as compensation."

Well, at least she had been planning on letting the twins have those cunts, anyway. "They're yours."

[ectocs]

The Lumchagg

Feel like I'm cutting it a bit close this week :P

So. The lumchagg. It's a bird, it's purple, it likes aromatic herbs and it sets itself on fire to revive itself into a worm. Honestly this thing grew on me the more I worked on it.

Ideas behind this design below the cut ! Alongside some doodles, rambles, and concepts :)

It starts life as a "worm" -- a featherless, pink squirmy thing with nubs where its limbs will later grow in. The lengthy tail will later be absorbed to facilitate that.. like a lot of metamorphosing (is that the word?) creatures.

The idea at this point is pretty straightforward. Recently got to watch two robin nests grow, which was interesting, and young birds look really... fleshy. Wanted to give it coloring on its throat like the clitellum on a worm (aka the saddle) but I think it's just not distinctive enough. I gave it four eyes for more of a bug feel, though it's so minor I don't think it matters much in the end.

As it grows and gets feathers, the lumchagg's tail shortens -- the wings are the first limb to fully grow, giving it an amphithere-like appearance, though the legs soon follow within the same day the wings finish growth, making the change from worm to bird seem almost instant. All four eyes are open, though body coloration is not "mature."

Not much to say on this stage; it's a bird with fun antennae-like tufts on its head and a fun beak, a vaguely dinosaur feel, and coloration based sorta on a violet-backed starling. It has faint horns/ridges because ... um...... well to be honest I just decided to give it to the thing based on the dinosaur/dragon/etc vibes in the room.

In the adult stage, they will spend most of their long-lived lives as a darker, mostly-solid purple tone. This coloration lasts until the very end of their lives, at which point the lumchagg's wings become pale on the inside, allowing it to concentrate and direct the sun's rays onto flammable material. Through this method, the bird is able to burn and rebirth itself.

Drew the end-of-life stage here setting itself on fire. Don't ask how white/pale wings lets it burn stuff; it comes back to life, it gets privileges the average white goose doesn't get.

Here is a basic idea of the life cycle, hastily slapped together as a visual:

There was quite a bit of thinking to get to this point. Here is the last sketch page I did. Unlike the other doodles I never bothered coloring it in, as I decided to go with this look.

Note the "wyrm" title -- I initially wanted to do a more dragon-y take, with a final form maybe being an amphithere, but decided against it in the end and changed tracks when I couldn't get that to look right. Liked the idea though, so it gets to be a life stage that exists for 0.1 seconds. You can also see the adult pose change!

The butterfly note here comes from some images I was looking at with interesting wing shapes. Never quite got it how I wanted, pivoted to a purely pennant-winged nightjar kind of wing.

Now the thing I had done earlier was some bugs, which I liked, but ultimately just couldn't draw 'em. Bird can be a loose term, after all, and large black swallowtails flying by at fast speeds have had me thinking a small bird flew past me on multiple occasions.

Plus, well, lots of bugs have worm-children. There are literally just worms, of course. But butterflies, beetles, flies, sawflies... all winged (usually) with little squirmy babies.

And the first doodle page was, of course, birds. I must admit, this is my favorite just because I figured out how to draw birds only on this ONE sketch session. That heron is beautiful. But anyway -- I kinda merged ideas together in the end, giving it several traits from both doodled birds.

In my heart, after all these arts, a lumchagg is a kind of weird purple bird of any type lol. Even from the beginning, I wanted that kind of long feather just for looks. Please note the incorrect text describing what I call the "standard-winged purple swampjarhen." It's a hybrid of a grey-headed swamphen (aka a purple swamphen) and a pennant-winged nightjar. Oops! I was looking at them in a tab, I have no idea how I messed up my own damn text.

Here's a pennant next to a standard -- big difference in silly wing feathers!

[maximum-lol]

You were silent a lot of the time as of recent, not that you were ever the biggest conversationalist- you either couldn't keep track of what anyone was talking about or you'd completely scare them off by barrelling through it with the most vile shit- which was, at the time, mostly by accident. As you got older you stopped talking as much unless it was to your moirail, somehow everyone was too stupid to understand you and too up their own ass for you to pay attention to, you found yourself between a rock and a hard place. An incredible, unbelievably powerful psionic, with the most dogshit control on basically any part of his body. Everything got better when you started carrying around your rail. She lead you around like a horse. She let you know every right move to make. Your life fucking sucked before her.

You were silent for a different reason now, though. It was by choice, not by habit. A time is now arriving that will be labeled as "after her", and the closer you get, the more guilt you feel. It won't just be a break up, the "after her" won't just be a shitty story you tell your coworkers over some sparking charging station, she'll literally cease to exist. You remember the first time you had that realization, sometime in your fifth or sixth sweep. "A ship can't feel guilt. There's no guilt when there's nothing but wires." It felt like a blessing at the time, you found the perfect scapegoat. Of course! You wouldn't have to worry about it, you had been planning this far longer than you've even known Folykl, it's been your destiny since day one. But you inch closer and closer to your dream day, and you grow less and less excited.

Training starts in one week, and after that, you'll be moving to a bootcamp for psions to start flight training, and then you'll likely be assigned a fleet. Trizza's main battleship, you assume. And..... Folykl will be culled, and if not culled, then starved. You knew it deep in your soul, you were the ONLY one who could give her what she needs. Not just because you were ~all great and mighty.~ But because you needed her just as much. You weren't just strong, you were overpowered. Like a chemical reactor had exploded in the squishy spongy material of your pan and was a constant garbage fire shooting flames and fuel out in every direction. The pack on your back wasn't just for her, it was to catch and store any extra electricity that might fry the entire rest of your body. It was the best part about your fantasy, finally having a body that can withhold all of you, a body that was as powerful as you knew you were supposed to be.

Her shallow breaths, her greasy hair, all it does is make your pumper hurt. Your words got caught up in your throat, you couldn't look reality in the face anymore. Sometimes, there were times she could pull you out of your own head. Ground you for a second, and have a serious conversation. But nowadays you keep the door to your head locked, the only think you'd be willing to let in are a couple skull-fucking tentacles, ensuring you'd never think about this shit again. Its easier to feel when shes asleep, or close to it, like now. You can wade through your own thoughts without immediately diving under them and drowning in the process. God, you can't leave her, you can't let that happen. You'd kill for her, you'd die for her. You'd do anything for her, and she knows that. You're just not sure if you CAN defy fate for her. How could you? Its all you were. It's all you are. You were never really a troll anyway, just a piece to a ship, your body never wanted to be a troll anyways. It was always too squishy, too limp, seizing under its power. She had to understand that. Trizza had to be willing to let her on. He could bend the rules, as long as he stayed positive. You can really do anything if you have enough belief. He's done it plenty of times before, buldozing through with blind faith. He can do it again.

You smush your face against her forehead, giving her a kiss thats somehow both sloppy and dry against her greasy forehead. It'll be fine. It has to be.