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madisonrooney · 4 years ago

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hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit. ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

#gcwca secret santa #Anonymous

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shytiff · 4 years ago

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Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know).

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy

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richukisbb · 5 years ago

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Girl you know good & well we wanna know more!!

Haha okay! A continuation from this post!!

Please feel free to stop by my inbox! Thank you for letting me relive this day ❤️💕❣️

So I was sitting fourth row from the court and then these five boys came in but they didn’t know who should sit where and then richard took the initiative to sit first then chris. At the time I didn’t know that they were CNCO (please don’t come for me 😔)

But I knew they were somebody by the way that they dressed and came in together. Surprisingly their managers weren’t there like frfr who let them do these things alone?

So my dad and I were talking and he didn’t know who they were, just thought maybe they were the next Menudo… I realized I left my bag at the venue restaurant and I was freaking out. That meant I had to pass them in order to exit the row.

I passed Richard then Chris and here’s how you know Chris be a fucking friendly flirt because as I’m passing him, he looks up at me and is like, “Hi mami.”

I HAD NO IDEA WHO HE WAS AT THE TIME SO I’M INTERNALLY SCREAMING LIKE “Whose child is this?”

Again I didn’t know who I was talking to so I just waved at him and said hi back lmaoo.

I come back to the seats (I GOT MY BAG BACK BTW!!) and my dad is like “You should say hi to them now because they might not come back for half time.” But I didn’t wanna say “hi who are you?”

So when they were doing their IG stories, I was fucking squealing to my dad about JOhn Mulaney bc he walked in with Pete Davidson and you can hear me on richard’s story like “OMFGGG ITS JOHN MULANEY” whom I dont really care for but I wasn’t aboutta fan girl over pete.

I kept peeping Richard’s phone and it lit up with CNCO updates from twitter then I was like 😱😱😱😱😱

Also their WhatsApp groupchat is a very real thing lmaoo

I texted a friend who was a fan “bro i think im sitting next to cnco” and i seent her those pics of Chris and Joel.

I sent her this photo so she could tell me who I’m sat with.

Then my dad was like “you really need to say something now if you want a picture.”

With any ounce of confidence i had, I was like “Are you guys CNCO?”

And they all collectively, ten eyes and five heads turn to me like “YEAH!”

I told them “you all dressed like one unit and I figured that you looked familiar” PLEASE DONT EXPOSE ME TO THEM THAT I ONLY KNEW REGGAETON LENTO AT THE TIME 😩

No one had come up to them yet so I guess they were really excited that someone recognized them.

Then I asked for a picture and my dad took it.

SO THIS IS HOW AND WHY IM IN RICHARD’S LANE! It just happened that i talked to him the most because we sat next to each other.

Rich and I talked about being from New York and if he misses home. Then we talked about how they were doing promo things but after the NY trip they were headed, I think, for a short vacation. We talked about basketball and this game is our first game so he high fives me.

Then we stopped talking for a little bit but yall this man’s leg was

P R E S S E D against mine the whole time!!!

I was like “am I dreaming this or is he really not gonna move his leg off me??”

But also I hadn’t seen my ex in five months because we were doing “long distance” so any amount of physical touch from a guy i was aboutta 🥵🥵🥵

Then half time rolls around and they all leave. When the break is over, they actualluy don’t return and my dad was like “at least you got the picture.”

bc most celebs don’t stay past half time, it’s mostly to show their faces and then bounce.

bUT OUR BOYS COME BACK Richard and Chris are drinking beer I think. So I jokingly said to richard, “Oh, you're legal?”

I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THEY WERE BUT I DIDN’T

And hes like “Yeah shortie!”

So they’re also doing their IG live at this time (I have videos I took while they were Ig-ing live but tumblrwont let me publish onto this doc) You can kind of see me in my blue shirt in some frames.

I know word gets out that CNCO is at the game so the venue asks if they could be on the jumbotron and of course they say yes. The song they play to introduce them was reggaeton lento. CHECK OUT THIS LINK! I TOOK THIS VIDEO OF THEM!!

Im fucking laughing bc my dad kept pushing my back to get me into the frame of the jumbotron, which again you could see my blue shirt on it.

Anyway it’s time for them to go and they leave the game a little early because they dont wanna be caught with the crowds. They’re all super nice and turn to say bye to me.

But real quick I ask richard if I could get a hug

and he says “Of course, baby.”

I REMEMBER THIS BC MY DUMB THEN BOYFRIEND HADN’T CALLED ME “BABY” WHERE I FELT LIKE IT MEANT SOMETHING.

So another man calling me baby, I’m like: damn I’ll be your baby any day of the week.

Which in all seriousness, even though he’s richardcamacho, there was a gut feeling of “this stranger (okay so hes a celeb but so what) shouldn’t have such an impact on me if I’m getting enough love from my boyfriend.”

ANYWAY we hug and I accidentally tip off his hat.

They come behind our seats and I shake Erick’s hand which is where I told him that he had pretty eyes and he’s like “oh! thank u!!”

And that’s pretty much my story with how I met them 🥰🥰🥰

BONUS CONTENT:

I told my ex that I hugged Richard Camacho and HE BLEW UP ON ME lmaooo.

HE was like: how would you like it if I hugged a random B list celebrity?

YA KNOW I’m at fault for hugging a fucking billion+ streamed latin artist but he can go and fuck around with six other women during our whole relationship???

AYEE

So we broke up and it started because he was jealous of Richard, which is so fucking dumb. But I’m glad it happened yk? Otherwise, I’d still be in the relationship.

But at the time I didn’t know he was cheating until a week later I was thinking “There’s no way we broke up because you got jealous over a celebrity” and sure enough he was fucking with 6 other women. I have screenshots, pics, voicemails... the hardest part is he doesn’t think he did anything wrong.

To his deathbed, he believes that he was a devoted and true boyfriend.

I’m clearly still hurt and angry, healing too. But healing isn’t linear. Some days are better than others.

When I first found out about the cheating, all I listened to were the CNCO albums and drowned myself in interviews. I read imagines, blurbs, and fell for witty comments that y’all be posting on their photos.

I’m truly so thankful for my CNCOwner family.

I hope we all get to meet our boys. I’d tell them how thankful I was that they went to that game and how much their music has impacted my life; for it lead me to all of you 💕💕💕

#I cry #im emo!Richard now #siiigh #cnco #joel pimentel #zabdiel de jesus #richard camacho #christopher velez #erick brian colon #mun

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chokefriends · 6 years ago

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Pit-town Strays Ch.1

Kidlaw softness and redneck shenanigans in a northern mining town. Everything's fucked but whatever.

Rated T, no warnings, or just general warnings for setting-specific social ills and violence (racist cops, shitty parents, etc). Someone ordered wholesome kidlaw family feels? well HERE.

[Ch. 1] - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 - Ch. 5

Read on Ao3 too, I’m Ossicle

“What the hell are you going to Pit-town for?” Bellamy chewed at Law with his mouth open, a smarmy sneer on his pasty face.

“None of your business.” Law scowled, turning his eyes away from his brother’s ground-up breakfast. He shoved a random pile of coursework into his backpack.

“Well I know what kids like you go up there to do. Everybody knows.” Bellamy drawled on, like he knew shit about anything besides scamming beer and shooting bottles at the quarry.

“Don’t make assumptions, idiot. I’m just babysitting.”

“Why?”

“It’s called a job? You should try it,” Law suggested primly. “Feet.”

Bellamy lifted his feet off Law’s pile of textbooks. “Why, though? You got that big scholarship, I seen the letter when it came in.”

Law frowned at him. “How did you…”

“Well it was just there, so I read it. Why don’t you move out, if you got all that money? You hate it here so much.”

Law waved this matter aside. “I owe that money to someone. Give me the volvo keys.”

Bellamy didn’t move his stupid stumpy self from the ancient recliner—prized spot in the basement space the three brothers shared. “No, I need it, I’m meeting up with some guys later to go down to the quarry. Dad said I could.”

“Bellamy, I need it to get to town. Just gimme the keys.”

“Well I need it to pick up little ladies! You can hitch, right?”

Law didn’t bother arguing. He sighed through his nose and slid his feet into his severely ratty sneakers before heading out into the yard.

“Don't tell Dad where I am or I'll tell him about your girlfriend!” Law called on his way out.

“Obviously,” Bellamy muttered.

The ancient volvo wasn’t feeling cooperative today, or Law was having a lapse or something because he couldn’t fucking hotwire it. He slammed his fist on the dash and took out his phone. It was an oddly summery fall day—not too cold to walk or bike—but his shoes were getting thin in the soles, and Law didn't like asking his dad for little stuff like that. Didn't wanna be such a burden all the time.

He scrolled through his messages and sent a couple off to see about a ride. But Robin (who'd suggested the job) was teaching, and Baby (sweet, bitter Baby) was already in the sauce.

BB: i cn still come tho? you real stuck?? big bro awwwww im sry

You: Nono dont go driving if youre partying it up, Ill hitch a ride I guess

BB: Where?

You: Just into town

BB: Where in town??????

You: The Pit.

You: or whatever.

BB: LAWWW NOOOOOOOOooo jus kidding lol no judgement here

BB: id sell it on weekends too if i were pretty liek U

You: I’m not selling my ass!!!

BB: Lol

BB: sure

BB: why else ndn boi hangs w miner trash? Shady.

You: Lots of reasons, including a babysitting job. Don’t make assumptions.

BB: “babysitting”” “””job”””’

You: Yes.

BB: God ur sheltered

BB: shltered bebe in u nice rich house

BB: don get picked up there, pit-town piggies love ndn bebes

Law pocketed his phone with an eyeroll and started walking down toward the highway.

Once he’d found a ride and gotten dropped off, it was a twenty minute walk from the highway to the Pit. Law ended up climbing over the bare, rocky hill behind the truck stop, cuz his phone’s map had the place all wrong. On top of the hill, he could see the Pit in all its glory laid out before him.

Pit-town was the weird little enclave where the town’s mine workers were housed, in tar paper houses as outdated as the mine itself. The tangled machinery of the refinery loomed just beyond the houses, and above all that, the smokestacks. White smoke drifted from their peaks, as high above him as the clouds. Nothing except low bush berries grew around here—it was like an outpost on the moon.

Law went down into the village. Men with tattooed arms watched him from pickup trucks, and women smoking in lawn chairs whispered. Half-feral dogs barked and circled.

“Ya lost, hun?” one busty woman called from her front step as he passed, and her friends chuckled.

“No…” he mumbled back, and hurried on as they all laughed.

He was flustered and out of breath by the time he got to the address, on the other fucking side of the whole village. The house was like the rest: a single-storey bungalow on a small plot of land with a car port full of dead appliances. There was a little pink bike lying on the front step, and a short dog chain attached to a pole in the middle of the bare yard. A deep trail had been trod in a circle around the pole but there was no dog in sight. Law went up and knocked lightly.

He stood there for a few minutes, feeling the neighborhood eyes on his back, before trying again. He knocked a little louder. “Hey, um. Hello?”

A harsh voice called, “YEAH IT’S OPEN.”

Law tried the door. “No it’s not?” he called back.

“YEAH IT IS JUST KICK IT AND TURN THE THING AT THE SAME TIME.”

“...No, definitely not open,” Law assured him after trying every kick-turn combination.

“AH FUCK.”

“Yeah.”

“OKAY, CAN YOU JUST BREAK IN?”

“...What??” Law was almost offended.

“I’M DOING A THING, CAN’T GET THE DOOR RIGHT NOW, JUST TRY SOMETHING.”

Obviously Law could break into stuff, because his shitty little brothers thought it was hilarious to lock him out of the house all the time. And because their father thought it was prudent to keep things like Law’s ID in a secure location. Law didn’t think that skill set was a great way to start this ‘job’ thing, though… He looked around at the prying eyes across the street and they flitted back behind their blinds. He sighed.

The lock was just one of the doorknob ones, and the jamb didn’t have a guard on it so it was easy to get a credit card in there. The door swung open and Law stepped into a cluttered hallway.

“In here!” the big voice called from down the hall.

“I here!” a little voice added.

Law navigated his way carefully, stepping over baskets of laundry, unreturned empties, and sealed up moving boxes. Something obnoxious was playing on tinny speakers in another room. He rounded the corner into a sweltering little kitchen that seemed like the only clear spot in the house.

There was a very tall redhead with a face full of piercings sitting at the kitchen table in his boxers, and a much smaller redhead in a frilly blue bathing suit beside him. They were painting their toenails black, with their feet up on the table.

The bigger redhead seemed really shocked to see Law. He almost toppled backward on his chair. “H-hi! Uh! You’re Native.”

Law blinked. “Yeah. Um. You’re naked.”

“I’m Nami!” announced the little girl.

The guy was pretty much naked, by Law’s standards. Also kind of jacked… Law could feel his face heating up and was glad that it didn’t really show on him. The man sitting there in his boxers was pale as a fucking ghost, though, and so his sudden flush was super obvious. He rushed to recover from that intro.

“I don’t mean like, ‘oh, you’re Native.’ Well, obviously you are, heh, but I don’t mind or anything!"

“Yeah, uh.” Law nodded helpfully. “I don’t mind either, that you’re… naked.”

“Kidd is a naked...” Nami sang to herself.

“I'm not even,” Kidd protested. “I'm just hot as hell. Aren't you hot?”

“Am I??” Law was completely lost.

“Not—! I mean, yeah, but you're in a hoodie? Aren't you sweltering?” Kidd clarified.

“Oooh. No, not really. I like to keep covered up,” Law explained, picking at a fraying sleeve. He supposed it was weird to be wearing jeans and a hoodie in this weather, but no weirder than wearing Crocs in public, like people here seemed into doing.

Kidd was distracted by Nami painting patterns on her feet with the nail polish. “Fuck, Nami, stop, we just paint the nails. It’s messy, see? MESSY.” He took the tiny girl and sat her on the counter instead, then went about cleaning up the table. “Sorry about the door. Can’t go anywhere with wet toenails, it smears like hell.”

Law nodded harder and went to help him. “It’s cool, I know how to break into stuff. I mean I don’t usually! But your door was easy. Not that I’ll do it again!”

“Not a problem… uh, Kidd. I’m Kidd. Hi.” The guy finally got his head together and extended a hand. His fingernails were painted black too. He had a really firm grip.

“Law,” Law replied in relief.

“And this is my sister Nami,” Kidd jabbed a thumb at the toddler perched precariously on the counter. “She’s a fucking psychopath.”

Nami ignored them, sticking towels into the toaster instead.

“You have a dog too? I saw the chain outside.” Law wondered.

“No, Dad took the dog with him. And the fuckin car…”

“Your parents are both working?” Law asked, and immediately regretted it. God, he really was sheltered.

Kidd blushed again and started stacking dishes.

Law rushed to clarify. “Or, ‘parent'? I only got one too—a dad. I'm adopted though, and my birth parents are both passed, so.”

Kidd was wiping off each dish absently under the running water, not really cleaning anything. “We got a dad and mom, they’re just… not around right now. So it’s just us! Which is better, believe me.” He growled the last bit under his breath.

“Oh, got it.”

“Anyway. I didn't wanna ask someone to come all the way here to watch Nami, but that bitch down the street won’t take her anymore because of lice or property damage or something, and I got an interview today. I’ll prolly find another illegal daycare somewhere around here if I do get this job, though, heh.”

“Yeah don’t worry about it.” Law tried not to seem squeamish at the mention of lice.

“If they do take me I’ll be starting right away, so I might be out til pretty late,” Kidd warned him. “I’ll pay you for however long you’re here for though.”

“Sounds good. You gonna work at the mine?”

This seemed like another sensitive issue. Kidd looked away and muttered, “No… you gotta be 21, and take all these courses and stuff. And anyway, like HELL will I end up in the fuckin pit,” he finished with unexpected heat.

Law was saved from having to come up with a response by Nami blowing up the toaster outlet. The kitchen appliances all blinked out.

“FUCK! Again…” Kidd rushed to pick her up and sit her back on the table as a loud dryer beep sounded from the bathroom. “And fuck, there’s my pants. Listen, can you grab a fuse from the drawer there and stick it in? I actually REALLY gotta go, like right now.”

“Yeah of course!” Law watched the strange redhead duck through the kitchen door and pick his way down the obstacle course hall to another door.

He pulled his eyes away from the muscled back and onto the little girl, who was… eating nail polish.

“You!” Law scolded her, and put her in a chair. He grabbed the few towels that weren’t burnt, and tied her to the aluminum frame. “Okay, eat cheez-its while I fix this.”

Law had got the new fuse screwed into the panel and the nail polish off Nami’s face by the time Kidd came back, dressed in clothes that didn’t seem like interview clothes to Law: heavy duck pants and steel-toed boots. He grabbed a duffel bag that was sitting on a box stack, shouldered it and then stood looking at Law.

“Uh,” Kidd was blushing again. It was kind of amazing to see this tough blacklung brat acting so unsure. “If I come back really late maybe I could bring something? To eat? And we could eat it here?”

“Yeah, that'd be good.” Law shrugged like he didn't mind either way.

“KFC?” Kidd suggested.

“Oh I don't like breaded stuff. Fries are good, though.”

“Chinese?”

“I'm trying not to eat MSG actually…”

Kidd tried to think. “So what do you eat?”

“Mostly sushi.”

“I didn't know there was any sushi places in this shit town,” Kidd admitted.

“At the college there's one. Uh, but whatever you bring is fine, don't worry about it!” Law reassured him.

“Okay. Well, see ya.” Kidd made his way outside, yelling at some hovering dogs to git!, then started swearing. “Aw fuck, Nami's FUCKING bike…”

“You trip on it?” Law poked his head outside.

“No,” Kidd was looking at an empty front walk. “Fuckin kids took off with it again. I'll just go punch their dad in the throat later, not a big deal.”

“Holy,” Law commented mildly.

He watched Kidd pull a frankenstein-ian motorcycle out of a side door and roar away on it. Then he looked around to see if anyone had caught him looking. He was just sending a good glare at the prying eyes across the street when he remembered that he was babysitting. He returned to the kitchen where Nami was sitting once again on top of the table, drawing circles in a nail polish puddle with one finger.

“Your brother is an entire entrée,” Law informed her.

She didn't reply, intent on her craft. But she objected when he tried to pick her up. “Nooo!”

“No?” he put her down.

She glared at him, a tiny girl of no more than four, ginger hair in little pigtails and her frilly blue bathing suit spotted with nail polish.

“I'm Law,” he sat down so he was at her level, and introduced himself. “Lawww.”

“Law...” She appraised him solemnly for another moment and then seemed to deem him acceptable. “I’m being a witch,” she confided in a whisper.

“A witch?”

“Yah.”

Law sat back in the chair with a laugh. “My girl! Let's talk!”

Law had the kitchen scrubbed to his own exacting standards in short order, having secured Nami firmly to a chair (with duct tape and towels this time).

She was starting to nod into her cheezits by the time he'd finished, and Law figured it was nap time. He went to review the rooms along the hallway, looking for a baby room. He couldn't figure out the logic of the place, though. There was a largeish bedroom, which seemed to be the source of the stale smoke smell, mostly taken up by a tacky king bed and Seinfeld DVDs. It clearly hadn't been used in forever. He closed that door. Then there was a smaller room that might've once been a child's room, decorated with glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and complex Lego structures piled in one corner. It was stacked floor to ceiling with file boxes and covered in dust too. Another small room seemed to be Kidd's hideout, though the bed was just a box spring covered in laundry and books. There was a guitar and practice amp, and a desk piled with half-dissected old laptops. Law resisted the urge to snoop, and closed the door.

He went back down to the other end of the hall, past the front door, where the narrow corridor opened into a small living room space. A couch and a single mattress were neatly made up into beds, in front of a large TV that seemed like the only new thing in the house.

“I want a Kidd nap.” Nami had somehow gotten out of the duct tape high chair and was at Law's side, rubbing her eyes.

“Okay? In the big bed?”

“You're silly,” she accused. She went to lie down on the couch, pulling a fuzzy blanket over herself.

Law went to sit next to her. He gestured down at the mattress on the floor, with its orange and blue comforter and many fuzzy cushions. “Is that your bed? Don't you wanna nap there?”

“No,” she explained patiently, eyes already closed.

“Right, obviously.”

He watched her shuffle and sigh her way to sleep.

“I could've had a sister,” he murmured, partly to her and partly to himself. “I mean, I do have a biological sister, but I didn't grow up with her. I think it would've been nice, though…”

Nami was already asleep when he looked over again. Easy! Law totally had this babysitting thing in hand. He pulled his stats assignment out of his bag, and got down to the real work.

Nami turned out to be a pretty chill baby, as well as being an utter terror. She mostly ignored Law, preferring to go about her little play tasks uninterrupted, with the TV playing in the background. “Being a witch,” she explained whenever Law asked what she was doing.

“Keep it up,” he encouraged her, turning back to his own work.

He quickly learned, though, to keep an ear out for silence, because she was probably blowing shit up. Law found her building a fire in the oven, then making what he was pretty sure was mustard gas in the toilet.

“How’d you do that??” He took the bleach from her and she threw a mild fit before toddling off to the next game.

By the time Kidd returned, Law was just sitting in a kitchen chair with his stats assignment disregarded in front of him, watching the four-year-old expertly jimmy the makeshift lock he'd put on the knife drawer.

“More twist on the lever,” an amused Law recommended.

“So this one's being a psychopath huh,” Kidd entered and threw his duffel bag on the table.

Law corrected him.“Um, she's a witch and a prodigy? She made several deadly potions with cleaning supplies today."

“Oh jesus now there's two of you.”

“One more and we got a coven.”

“Great. Nami, it's like 11, why ain't your ass in bed?” Kidd growled at his sister, who ignored him.

“She went down for a couple hours, but kept getting up when she heard a car go by. And I couldn't get any pajamas on her,” Law reported.

“Yeah she won't take the bathing suit off unless I bribe her. She's big into being a ‘mermaid’ this month, on top of being a witch.”

Nami had gotten the knife drawer open and was feeling around in it with one chubby hand.

Kidd scooped her up. “No knives.”

“A knife!!!”

Law shook his head and smiled. Child after his own heart. “What's she want a knife for?”

“She's been trying to slash my tires lately, so probably that. It's usually pretty funny to watch, but yeah, not at bedtime. Eh, Nami?”

“I WAN A KNIFE! A KNIFE A KNIFE A—”

Nami stopped and stared at the chocolate coin Kidd was holding up. She grabbed it and wiggled out of his arms. They followed her to the living room where she was stashing her prize under the couch.

“Holy, she's got a hoard,” Law gave a low whistle at the cache of foil coins and random shiny things.

“Yeah I think she's more dragon than mermaid,” Kidd commented.

Nami lay down in her floor bed, where she could see the glittering pile.

“I got food, if you wanna…?” Kidd nodded back toward the kitchen.

“Is she good here?”

“Yeah she pretty much puts herself to sleep, just leave WrestleMania on for her. She likes the noise.”

They went back to the kitchen, and Kidd turned on a thing Law had thought was a smashed toaster oven reconstructed with safety pins, but which turned out to be a radio. Kidd gestured to a bag on the table, and Law unpacked it while the redhead fiddled with the receiver. It mostly seemed to be picking up country music and static.

“Can almost get that alt rock station with this thing,” he muttered, “probably just needs another coat hanger.”

“You went and got sushi??” Law pulled out several little plastic containers.

Kidd’s back was to him but Law could see his neck and ears going red. He kept fiddling with the dials. “Yeah, whatever.”

“From all the way at the college?”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

“...I think that radio is using you as an antenna,” Law observed, changing the topic.

Kidd snorted and let go of the screwdriver-dial, and the radio went to mostly static. “Faboo. Maybe it wants a piercing too.”

His face had returned to a normal color under all that metal, and he joined Law at the table. Law offered him the dragon roll and took the sashimi plate.

The chopsticks were an obstacle.

“Do you stab it?” Kidd glared at the sushi and the two little sticks.

“No, look at my hand: hold one like a pencil, and the other one loosely—”

“I stab it.”

“Don’t stab it, hey, you’ll ruin the integrity of the roll shape!”

“Hm,” Kidd chewed his mangled piece. “Tastes like salad.”

“Here.” Law scooted over a chair. He took the chopsticks out of Kidd’s fist and rearranged them. Kidd’s hands were large and rough to the touch, and the scent of sweat and gas clung to his clothes. The sudden impression of body heat and machinery smacked Law right in the back of the brain.

“I’m gonna say this is finger food,” Kidd decided.

“Yeah,” Law agreed automatically.

“Yeah, fuck this. Want a beer?”

Law hated beer. “Yeah. I mean, whatever.”

Law sat and nursed the beer with determination, trying to pay attention to Kidd's animated take on government surveillance vans and Nicolas Cage. His brain was getting fuzzy really fast, though. He was such a fuckin lightweight.

“He’s not an actual human person, is all I’m saying. You seen his face tryna do face stuff?” Kidd argued, crunching his second beer can and tossing it in the bin across the room. "Nother beer? Hey, you’re not even done that one.”

“Tastes like bread,” Law noted distractedly.

“I guess. You don’t like Bud?”

“I liked the first movie,” Law hiccuped.

Kidd laughed like a fucking hooligan, and Law had to laugh too. Normally loud laughs grated on Law's ears, but he decided he liked this one. It wasn't mocking or cold; just big.

Kidd shook his head with a final chuckle and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Me too. Sooo uh, what you studying at the college?”

“General science right now, thinking I'll go into the pre-med stream,” Law answered right away. “Or maybe something more research, less clinical… uh. Or you know, like. Whatever.”

Kidd actually seemed interested. “Yeah that sounds awesome. I always wanted to go into engineering, but pure research would be cool… You um. Doing some math, there?” He looked over at Law's assignment, abandoned on the table.

“Stats. The bane of my existence. Don't stare at it too long, it'll put the bleed on your brain.”

“...you're stuck, huh?” Kidd glanced over again.

“No.” Law sniffed. “I'm considering it from many angles.”

“Okay, man.”

“Oh, like you know anything about sample sizes and shit.”

Kidd shrugged, but the line in his forehead deepened. He cracked another tallboy.

Law gripped his own beer can in the uncomfortable silence that followed, and then downed the rest all at once.

“Nother,” he wiped his mouth and Kidd raised an eyebrow but passed him a fresh one.

“Git it in ya.”

“Mhm.” Law took a deep swig and almost fucking barfed. “Sooo… you make that bike yourself huh?”

“...yeah,” Kidd's face lost the put-out look and split into a grin. “Or whatever, I just added some stuff and changed other stuff… actually, it's…”

That got another good long ramble out of the redhead, full of startling laughter and crass parallels with female body parts. Law wondered idly if Kidd was actually familiar with any female body parts, or whether this was just how people in Pit-town talked.

“Hm?” Law sat up straight, realizing that Kidd had asked him something. His brain was definitely all swimmy now.

“Or I can give you a lift back now. It's a long way to the Rez.”

“I'm not from the Rez, I live down the highway. I can just hitch my way back, it's not a big deal." Law looked at his phone—after midnight.

Kidd was giving Law a look, like he wanted to say something about that, but then grunted and downed his beer instead. “Here, for today,” he said, taking an envelope out of his pocket and pushing a few folded bills into Law's hand.

“Thanks.”

“If you're free tomorrow I'll be working again at noon. And like I said, you can stay here tonight if the trip out is—”

“Oh!” Law felt his face heating up again. “No, I gotta get home. My dad's gonna kill me as it is. I'll come back tomorrow, though, okay?”

“Okay! Or, whatever, good.”

“Yeah.” Law stood and started stuffing things back into his backpack. “Okay see ya tomorrow.”

Kidd gave him a flippant salute and cracked another beer.

Pulling on his sneakers at the door, Law felt a little tug at his pant leg.

“Law, you are going to go?” Nami worried.

“Yup, gotta go home.”

“Law, you won't be here if you go,” she started snuffling.

Law picked her up and put her back in her bed. “I'll come back tomorrow. Okay?”

“No.” She hid under the blanket and kept snuffling.

He hesitated. “I have to go.”

“She’ll get over it in a minute,” Kidd told him from the doorway, leaning backlit against the frame with crossed arms. “It's better not to draw it out.”

Law looked at the little lump among the cushions and shrugged. He stood to go.

The redhead chewed at his tongue piercing and watched him. “Okay, I don't wanna be weird about this, but like. It's the Pit. And you're... You know?”

Law wasn't getting it. “I'm...?”

“C'mon, you stick out. And it's really late, and it's just past check day, and… it'd really just be faster if I gave you a ride.”

Oh, fucking chivalry or whatever.

“So I'll put my hood up,” Law dismissed this.

“It’s the Pit, though,” Kidd said again.

“... See you tomorrow.” Law left without drawing it out any further.

Law got halfway through the village before someone pulled up next to him, apparently to offer him further unwanted courtesies.

“Looking for a place to stay?” the man offered.

“Just heading home,” Law deflected.

This didn't seem to be the answer the guy wanted, and he followed Law in his pickup at very close range, until they got to the village limits and the end of the street lights. Law gripped his phone in his pocket. He heard the truck door slam just as he went to detour off the road between two houses.

Law tried not to back away as the guy advanced. “I'll call the police.”

“I am the police,” the man pointed to the badge on his belt.

"Shit..."

"And you're trespassing."

Law held onto his phone, a harsh roaring steadily growing in his ears. The smart thing would be to play dumb and helpless so he wouldn't fucking get shot, and just hope someone came by… but the man went to grab him and he panicked just as the roar peaked. Law snapped the fist holding his phone into the man's temple, and it made a loud crunch. A couple more frantic strikes sent the pig down in a confused pile of limbs.

Well he'd fucking done it now. Maybe he could run before—

“Oohhh shit, haha,” someone commented.

Law glared over at Kidd, who was sitting there on his noisy rat bike, peering at the man on the ground.

“Hi?” Law crossed his arms.

Kidd scratched his neck. “Saw him drive past after you left, and figured… yeah. I was just gonna come and like, bam! Do a drive-by with a crowbar. But that Rocky shit was actually way cooler, haha. Is that a brass knuckles phone ring?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah…” Kidd considered the lump on the ground. “Kay, well. Can I drive you home now?”

“...” Law really, stubbornly wanted to refuse.

“Just so you can see how Marlene here rides,” Kidd patted the motorcycle. “Did I tell you I built her?”

Law's tension cracked and an incredulous laugh bubbled out. “Yeah. You told me. She's a beauty.” Kidd passed him the helmet and Law slid into place behind him.

“She’s a rubber-tit, chain-smoking old blacklung biddy, fuck yeah she's a beauty. You can ride her all day and night, she don't get tired.”

Law had been wondering how he'd get all the way home like this without popping a boner, but that mental image cleared it up.

“Uh,” Law gave the unconscious cop a guilty glance, “should we get this guy somewhere…?”

“Oh, I'll just call his wife to come get him, I guess,” Kidd snorted at the pathetic pile and took out his phone.

“You know him?”

“Everyone knows everyone here… hold on a sec. Hey, Mrs. Kyle? Yeah I just seen Kevin going off tryna fight that goose again.”

“Fuckin what??” Law snickered.

“Yeah, Cobb Road. Looked like he'd taken a good one on the head already. I dunno who taught that thing to make a fist. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, bye.” Kidd hung up, nodding to himself like that was it.

“No one's gonna believe that shit,” Law objected.

“Oh the goose? That's real, the thing's a monster. I think they should just shoot it but there's a pool on who'll defeat it in hand-to-hand combat.”

“...okay. Sure.”

“It's the Pit,” Kidd explained again.

Kidd tied a bandana onto his face as a windguard, and they pulled out of the village and onto the highway. It was fall but the air was warm and smelled like tar. Law held onto Kidd's waist and directed him by patting his arm and pointing. The smokestacks receded behind them, though the tar smell lingered on through the treeless landscape. Eventually Law signaled for them to stop.

Kidd pulled off the highway and stopped just under the lone streetlight at the turnoff. He looked around. “This is just a carpool lot. I might as well take you all the way home, right?”

“Nah, my Dad's already gonna be pissed that I'm out this late. If I ride up on a bike smelling like booze… yeah.” Law passed him the helmet and dismounted. “It's not far from here, I'm good now.”

Kidd was still processing the first part. “Aren't you in uni? You still have a curfew?”

Law shrugged. “He's strict. He just worries. Though, yeah, he's nowhere near as protective about my fuckin brothers so—”

At that exact moment Law's brain registered the whine of a familiar car, and he had to grip his bag to keep from bolting. He relaxed slightly when he saw it was just the Volvo.

“Hey Lawnboy,” Bellamy chuckled, leaning an elbow out the window.

“Hiii Law,” a gawky, sharp-eyed girl chirped from the passenger seat.

“Monet, my dream girl,” Law flirted mildly, leaning on the door frame. Monet giggled and Bellamy scowled.

“That your ~boyfriend~?” the blond troll mocked, jabbing a thumb at Kidd, who tensed and sneered.

“Yeah,” Law shot back.

There was a pause.

“Really???” Monet scrambled to get a good look at them both. Bellamy's face went slack with shock.

Kidd stuffed his head into the safety of his helmet.

“What're you doing?” Law questioned the helmeted Kidd.

“He's shy!” Monet squealed. “Ahhhh you guys are perfect!”

“Are you blushing?” Law tried to flip up the mirrored visor and Kidd held on stubbornly, shaking his head.

“Law, bring him to Hawk's place with us, I'll make youse guys’ drinks!! I got sourpuss and peach schnapps!”

“They're not coming to Hawk's,” Bellamy told her sullenly.

“Shut up Bellamy. Law, you guys coming?”

Law demurred. “Gotta work tomorrow, Monet-fique. Nother time.”

“Aw.”

“See you at home, Bellyache,” Law dismissed his pouting brother, who scowled.

“‘Babysitting’, huh. I'm telling Dad you're hoeing it up in the Pit,” Bellamy threatened.

Monet punched him in the shoulder. “Oh my god Bellamy no you're not. Later, Law! Byyye, strong silent boyfriend!”

Bellamy took his cue and screeched away.

Law turned back to Kidd, who was still hiding under his helmet. “Sorry. That was my brother. It just seemed like the best way to get him to leave.”

Kidd gave a slight shrug.

“So. See you tomorrow?” Law shouldered his bag.

Kidd nodded.

“Thanks for the ride. And for dinner and stuff…”

“Yeah it's whatever,” came Kidd's muffled voice.

“Oh yeah I mean, whatever.” Law started off down the road.

“Uh…! Thank you too, for… coming...” Kidd called after him a few steps later.

Law stopped and looked back awkwardly.

“...And for being chill about Nami's issues, and the house, and dealing with that creeping fucker… You don't have to come back after that crap. And if all this is gonna get you in trouble with your dad anyway,” Kidd offered in a nervous jumble, as Law wandered back over and stood there, feeling suddenly sad.

Law had had his share of sweet goodbye kisses under this streetlight, when he'd been a little younger and a little less worried about everything. He kinda really wanted another like that right now… But Kidd was holding onto the helmet on his head like a life preserver. And a kiss seemed like such a shallow, wrong-headed kind of assurance to offer against all ‘that crap.’

Law leaned in, and bonked his forehead lightly against the glossy helmet instead.

“Well, pick me up tomorrow, at the highway. So I don't gotta risk crossing the goose,” Law shrugged too, like it really was all just whatever.

He couldn't see Kidd's face but he could see his heaviness lift.

“You got it, Cap.”

The scruffy redhead leaned into his bike and the road, and became a fading engine roar in the dark. Law walked home slowly.

#kidlaw #KidLaw fic #eustass kid #trafalgar law #one piece modern au #Kid is a blusher #Law is an airhead #blue collar love #pit-town strays

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mostlycompetentwriter · 2 years ago

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after reading domesticated for the nth time did i notice that im just like y/n fr lol the context is a little different but about sharing in general, really im so not used to sharing anything with others bc im an only daughter, and in my case its space that i cant stand to share with others yeah sounds like a brat lmao and i just discovered this very recently when my cousin stayed over for a few weeks, dont get me wrong we're super tight but i started to get (just a little) annoyed after a while bc im so used to my own routine that when something change i get irritated?? and its over the simplest matter too!! like where she puts her toothbrush, how she uses the sink, her stuff in my room, i mean its really not that bad and i never told her this bc i know im being unreasonable and i think this is something that i need to work on,, anyways a little achievement for today i had my first ever big girl job interview earlier and it went well!! also i cleaned my room and my bed actually looks like a bed now lol i think im gonna sleep good tonight!! also each time i go back to domesticated theres always some kind of new details that i found and god i love that feeling so much. btw hope you have a nice day, this has been a very long rant huh hahah

I enjoyed reading this more than you will ever know 😂 Bring me all of your rants!

I’m glad you enjoyed Domesticated! Even me, as the literal writer, notices something different when I go back to read it every once in a while!

Have a lovely day, anon!

#anonymous #domesticated

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wlwhoa · 7 years ago

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highlights from the panel

these are things i remember from the top of my head and shit i wrote down in discord while hyped up on rockstar so forgive me if i miss anything lmao

they were talking about their experience with the old show (i forget why bc when the person asked the question the stream buffered) and Josh talked about how he watched the show when he was a kid and Jeremy said he didn’t until recently because he’s more on the younger side. he said “I just turned 21″ and then dabbed in the year 2k18 so jeremy is cancelled we had a good run buddy

they played the first episode of the new season but streamers weren’t able to see it. the interviewer asked the audience not to spoil it and when Josh said that if you spoil anything even though it releases in like 4 hours you’re a jerk lmao

they sang happy birthday to Shiro and they made some cupcakes and gave some to the askers. jeremy and josh were sad bc they didn’t know if they were getting any

someone said that they’ve seen edits of shiro as craig from dream daddy and asked if shiro would be able to handle kids and how he would be as a father. josh said he would do anything for his kids but as we saw with his interactions with slav he can be really pushed to his limits soooo

someone (im just gonna say the askers are someone lmao) asked what was the moment that made lance believe him and keith had a rivalry and if we were ever gonna see like that in a flashback or something. joaquin said he would love to do like a spinoff series of just flashbacks. lauren said some stuff but i didnt catch it all bc i was typing during the time but it was basically lance wants to be the best but keith is and he just wants to be like that. she said “lance is the best pilot- i mean keith is-” and then jeremy said “lance is the best pilot but i can see where you can get that wrong”

this doesnt really have to do with the panel but someone cosplayed as steven fron steven universe and someone in the line behind them started playing with their hair and “streven” had no idea until everyone started laughing and they whipped around like “DO YOU MIND??” so that was funny

someone asked about romance and then asked about klance bc we all know that was gonna happen and they gave a safe answer. lauren said something about them being in a war so they dont have time for it but if it happens it happens. jeremy said something ;)))-ish and made josh say “lancE” in shiro’s voice. jeremy replied with “there are a lot of beautiful women in space!!” which is 1) mood and 2) kinda sounded like he was backtracking (seeing as the person did ask about klance) but idk i guess people can interpret it as they want

someone asked about clone!shiro and they replied with something safe blah blah blah. joaquin said “people are allowed to get a haircut” and someone in the audience who was super close to the mic yelled out so loudly “IT’S UGLY!!!” so thats a mood

asked about their favorite moments or something like that (it buffered again). joaquin said it was the slowmo shot of them riding kaltenecker. lauren said it was when they showed how they rigged up the game console. josh said he loved varkon (the space mall security guard). jeremy said it was when coran got all dressed up to ride red and then he made an amazing coran impression and joaquin jokingly said that jeremy fills in for coran’s lines when rhys is out

someone asked about last names. they started it out with “here’s a question that we’ve been dying to know” and lauren and joaquin both went “uh oh” lmao. but yeah joaquin said something dumb like “in the future there arent any last names!!” and the asker went “oh come on”. they probs just haven’t thought it out yet BUT THEY GOTTA HURRY UP AND FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT BLS. lauren said that keith’s full name is Keith Keith Bo Beith Banananana Mo Meef. jeremy said lance’s last name was actually lance and his first name was lancey, so full name lancey lance

something happened but i forgot bc i was distracted by two askers coming up with a huge birthday banner and balloons for shiro. josh yelled out “HE’S SIX!!!!” all excited. they wanted to give the balloons to him so hopefully they did after the panel like they promised.

someone asked jeremy if lance was a singer and what his favorite song was. he said he was defintely a singer and his favorite song was sexyback by justin timberlake he assumes.

someone asked when allura’s earth birthday would technically be and asked if it was valentine’s day like the fans celebrated bc we love her so much <333 lauren said something dumb like “thats cool celebrate it whenever lmao” so shes cancelled

someone asked what were the other paladin’s reaction to galra!keith bc and lauren again said something dumb but i dont remember bc of the energy drink and it was buffering but it was basically “they dont know shit about galras and they know keith so they were chill” which i dont buy at ALL so lauren’s cancelled again buh bye

MY FAVORITE FUCKING PART: someone asked them how keith got expelled from the garrison (god bless them) and joaquin fckiN said “you know how Iverson has a permanently closed eye?? there you go ;))” and everyone LOST THEIR SHIT MAN I SCREAMED AND PROBS WOKE UP EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE BUT HOLY FUCK KEITH JUST FUCKING DECKED IVERSON IN THE FACE BC HE WAS GRIEVING ABOUT SHIRO AND DID PERMANENT DAMAGE TO HIS EYE!!!! i recorded it bc i loved it so much here’s the link

they were gonna have a scene where it showed pidge deciding to investigate the garrison some more and like cutting off her hair and stuff but they had to cut it for some reason :((

josh talked about how he used to say “form voltron!” when he was a kid and how happy he is now that he gets to say it for real :’))) and then jeremy was like “well I cant say it like that i really want to” and people were like “there’s nothing stopping you from doing it now lmao” so he said “form voltron!” in lance’s voice and josh was like “youre not in the black lion stfu” and you bet my black paladin lance stanning ass SCREAMED

there was also someone there who worked on the storyboard and i cant remember her name for the life of me (i think it was christine aaa IM SORRY) but she said that the first draft for the black lion had zebra stripes ???? for some reason ??? and she was SO glad that it didnt go through and she has no idea why she drew it like that lmao

so yeah thats basically the gist of it hopefully yall can understand this i did not proof read at all lmao feel free to add more if i forgot anything

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adityafulia · 4 years ago

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New post after a while

July 2020

Tale of SOCIOPATH CHAPTER ONE

I’ve been thinking about writing this journal when i was in Mumbai, but never done that

Now i deserve some time alone after another tragedy. Tragedy about a fake relationship with sociopath. Oh god, the most brilliant sociopath

This story started after a stupid one night stand in Bangkok

I was just serving my dirty minds, done that one night stand conciously then i confessed to my fiance then we broke up. It was a bad and hard, 2017. Dark as it was, finally the curtain shut. And once again i was alone, with little to no help, i’ve begun another wild night with this sociopath. I regretted it, as this will become my worst nightmare afterward. I dumped the sociopath, thinking it will never worked out, relationship started from one night stand, and then i broke up with my fiancee, destroying her life big time.

Without knowing, Letting sociopath was the worst decision..

I took a break from june-october, just to make sure that i didnt let anyone come to me, as at that time, i was wounded badly, died because of the guilt, ups and downs between “blaming me” (self loathing) or “blaming my fiancee”. 5 months of restless nights, full of bad thoughts, regrets, sins, cigarettes, sheap coffee and countless hours in the night park. Night park was my thing, i done that just to kill the time. I heard my fiancee, but i could not reach her, even her mother didnt tell me what was the diagnosis. She was in the darkest hour, like me.

Her mother forgiven me, she thought me how to forgive and bless someone. I never forget how she treated me well after my confession. Her mother is the best, till now. After my ex fiance got better, i heard that she got a new boyfriend, which was good for her and she also confessed that she had an affair before me. I was shocked and curious, she let me kill myself without informing me. This is the start of my new problem, in 2018.

This sociopath was a not bad though, i was just kept her aside for a while. At the end of the year, On october, out of the blue, i started to contact this sociopath, when i was on family holiday, just a good gesture to buy her some food from Malaysia. i decided to contact her,after i thought the “break” that i’ve taken was good enough to build my new fortress, taller, thicker, harder than before

At the end, i was thinking to take some responsibilites, to be with her, atleast to finish what i’ve done that night, gracefully

Everything goes smooth, sociopath embrace with, arms wide open, then we carry on, sex after sex, dates after dates, personal story after personal story.

Since the end of 2017, everything went well for us, nothing suspicious, screening has been done properly i thought. All the bad stories, have been verified, i trusted her.

I think she got me, the best way she could be, she is a good listeners, she knows what will excites me, she knows my favourite topics, she knows how to praise me, she knows how to hook me, she knows my favourite foods, she knows a lot.......about me...without me realizing

2018, became a super busy year, molding year, day by day, but we carry on, fights after fights, i was still unsure, i got excited that finally little by little i found a better version of me. Version that i’ve never imagined to come across if im still with my fiancee.

She has a quality, i saw it, i felt it, this is different and i though i could turn this thing into something good. Though i was still unsure on how i can make this relationship official. Months past like hours, i was finally settled with my new weekend habits, taking a class, study like crazy, learnt new things along the way, i was sure i was full enough with new knowledge, super exciting time. On the other hand, finally i’ve made the relationship official with her. We were officially in the relationship, i let this girl in, finally the fortress opened. I let her in. Let her in, too deep

2018 was super duper normal, nothing was fishy as far as i could remember, i’ve busy with my schedule, juggling between office, campus and relationship. I realized, she was more into me, she pulled me , she made me felt the love. I was ignorant enouh actually, but slowly i let my guard down. I’ve follow her way. Though i still had this ego, everytime we fought, im sure, she will contact me first and then we will settle the problem.

She seemed understand and supporting, even though i rarely took her on a date, as we were in the same building, just a lunch or dinner or night ride to station was good enough. I was glad that this sociopath wasn’t demanding so much of my time. We has a fight, but it was marginal, nothing big.

I knew and realized, i was still remembered my fiancee, still wanted to prove her something. Unconciously i checked her profile, hoping i could found his new boyfriend , just to check how good was the boyfriend.

She, of course mad, i knew i was wrong, i confessed, i promised not to do that, but it got repeated, unconciously,,i think she found it from the log, she done something with my ig account, till this day, it is still mistery

This fight was actually, one of her weapon, to attack me, to always blame me for this. To turn the table around. She hated my ex like crazy. She would always blamed her, for everything.

I admit, at first, i was very open, if i talked about my ex, all the good and the bad, i just want to make sure, i informed her, as much as i could, so it will be fair for her. To know, that im jus5 being honest with her. Not hiding anything. And she blamed me, because of my honesty, that made me thought that honesty was not 100percent good.

When i think about it now, actually this is one of her strategy, the passive aggresive weapon, to change my mind, from being proud of honesty, to become “guilty because of honesty”. She made that happen, she made that moral gap, so i will feel guilty if she talked about how brutally honest i am, when i talked about my ex

It’s funny how moral gap can change people’s mind, from being proud to become guilty

Now thinking about this, make me feel pukish, im now 100percent sure, honesty will always find a way, the truth will always be ugly, it’s always been that way, and that’s alright.

At the end of 2018, i got selected for secondment in overseas branches, finally hard work paid, i got the opportunity to leave. My team has been crumbled, my colleagues left the bank one by one. I didnt got any chances to leave, my cv was not that good, never pass the interview after hundreds of cv sent

She mad, because i will leave her, she didnt want a ldr,she hated it..this madness continues from janruary 2020, till aug 2020, we decided to end the relationship. Due to problem with my fiance, she blamed me, because i kept doing that, stalking her profile and also this ldr, she didnt like it. It was short, almost a year of relationship, but i’ve known this socio since 2017, and took me like 1 year to made it official, that just how hard for me to let someone enter my space, my so-called fortress. I’ve known her, for more than 2 years, she had wife qualities, that i though i might need that, she can cook, she can take care of the house, dependable, has a good career, clever, pretty, and the sex was also good.beyond my expectation.

I,ve decided to go, let her wait, i thought i could still look for her, if this is a true unconditional love, as i thought it will be

September, we started the good relationship, nothing changed, we still act like we were couple. But a fight happened after she regretted my decision, she started to bring up past problems, then we stopped to talk each other.

My ego still kicks in, even though she said that if i stayed, then her parents will help for the marriage fee, the car and house. But i took the chances, because it is not how the world works, i have to go abroad, because it was necessary for a men to provide.i will get the better carreer, better future, then when i come back, i could provide more, or at least give a meanigful contribution to our next plan,,she never really understand that.. then we stop talking each other

Finally on october, she announced that she was in realtionship with this new guy. I was shocked, i contacted her, she said it was because i was to ignorant, to selfish, never prioritized her.. this new guy, knew her and gave her all the things that shehave never gotten from me..

I shocked and carry on. And on december she announced that she already engaged with this guy, i was shocked and almost died, i cried heavily, sadly , miserably, called her just to check snd to let her know that i loved this sociopath, i was desperate, badly. She was still responding, she also sad,but she already took decision and need time . I pushed her to think and withdraw as fast as she could. But she couldnt

This was happened around christmas, and till january i pushed her like crazy, every day, i was insecure enough, my ego was shattered, she will never come back to me.. never...

During january 2020, she will responded me , said thst she still loved me,eventhough she was still engaged, she wanted to broke up but she couldnot. She would split the schedule, she would gone eithout contact, if she was with fiancee. I will just wait stupidly and desperately.

Then after a while, i though it was never good decision to get back to her with this kind of way, i disrespect the relationship, her fiancee and most importantly, i disrespected myself.. so one night, i’ve decided, brsvely,to stop contact her,to stop ruining other people relationship, 31 jan, enough, i dont want to become pain in the ass, contacting someone’s fiancee.feeling desperate everytime she went to a date.

I’ve never thought, this was the point, the point that i realized, all of it was just a game, played by sociopath, manipulating, blaming, passive aggresive, just to keep me and her fiancee, just to entertain the beast inside her,, this was the start, i realized this a bit late,, far far too late, as i scrolled those conversation,i began to realized, this was the start. This sociopath has been playing the game since 2017, but due to my ignorance, i’ve never realized,she could become this toxic, this crazy sick twisted fuck

She will blame me for everything, like she was never be my priority

Manipulate me, acting like i was a total jerk, left her, still thinking about my ex, she would never stop blaming me, maybe blaming other people , to be responsible for her unhappiness

She will turn the table, she will make excuse if it was her fault, she will run from problem, she will act as if she was the victim of all events

She will make herself right, all the time, and world is cruel to her

She will go inside you, left you,blame you, angry because of you, regret, saying sorry and then used you for her own pleasures, and then the cycle goes again,, this happened for me.. and it turns out that, she might use the same strategy, to other guys, playing with all of them......., at the same time......

“If you just believe in everything you think, everything is going to be great, well,,,no,, if you lived that way, you are going to be narcissist”

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mikecardenmpreg · 7 years ago

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recovery, etc.

so its been just about a year since i got back into therapy and i just want to say this because i didnt make it clear enough when it happened. when i went in for my intake session last december, they wanted to hospitalize me. like. that day. right then. they didnt even want to finish the interview. they just wanted to admit me. because people reporting numbers like mine were in hospitals on suicide watch. they did not want me to leave the premises. i had to assure them that i wasnt going to kill myself (even though i knew that wasnt a promise i could make). i had to sign a CONTRACT promising i would not kill myself before my first therapy session. the intake specialist was skeptical but he let me go (though he had no idea how i was able to function on a daily basis - jokes on him though because i wasnt functioning at all). he had a look in his eye that told me he wasnt sure letting my leave was a good idea. when i went to my first therapy session with ann a few weeks later, she also wanted to hospitalize me and again i found myself assuring someone i didnt know that i wasnt going to kill myself (and that still wasnt a promise i could make). a year ago i was so sick that i was nearly hospitalized for my own safety and for the safety of others. i smiled and joked and laughed through it all. i reblogged relatable sad posts. i tried not to make it seem like it really bothered me. but i was barely hanging on.

i got my diagnosis on december 13th. i didnt talk to ann much but i told her just enough for her to deduce i had bpd. its something i knew for at least two years. i sat with my knees to my chest the entire session, uttering a few words here and there, picking at the fraying knees of my jeans. she took notes. she told me my numbers were concerning, that people with numbers like these are generally in inpatient care. i stared. nothing behind my eyes. i was a shell. she said “hopefully next time we meet youll be more comfortable with me and we can talk some more”. i felt like an asshole for sitting there and wasting her time. i thought i was a lost cause. i thought there was no way i was gonna get better.

and for the longest time i didnt. i was hurting so much. i was separated from all my friends and still dealing with the aftermath of not one but two absolutely devastating (at the time) rejections. i wanted to kill myself so badly but didnt have the means to do it efficiently and effectively (ive always been too scared to actually try to kill myself in case it didnt work - something ive told my therapist). i felt like the biggest fucking loser. i remembered the summer of 2012 and thinking (back then) that there was no way i could feel worse than i did then. i was wrong. how i felt in december 2016 through january-march 2017 was the worst ive ever felt in my entire life. looking back its mostly static. dont remember a lot of it. all i remember is being angry and suicidal and wanting to hurt everyone around me.

in april i started dbt. it took awhile for me to get into the class. ann had me take other classes to help cope with my other problems (anxiety mostly) and helped me process some of my issues until i could get into dbt. borderline is a little out of her area of expertise but she knows how to listen and is very very good at validating all my little hang ups (i love my therapist).

it took me a few weeks to see the value in dbt. for the first few months all it did was dredge up old shit and trigger me until i was hollow and numb. every week it felt like i was being ripped open and flayed. every week i got to relive a different traumatic memory. every week i disassociated to keep myself safe in this room of strangers (who were also disassociating to keep themselves safe). (disassociation is not a healthy coping mechanism)

but then i went on medication for my depression and anxiety and the combination of that, dbt, and regular therapy sessions actually began to like work? like? thats wild? and i started to see changes in my life because i was learning how to communicate appropriately and deal with my trauma effectively. and i stopped dwelling on the things that made me feel bad and started diving in to the things that made me feel good. i started spending more time with friends and reaching out and actually putting an effort into being a better friend. i started being honest and open with my parents about my progress rather than being super secretive and hiding things. and somehow the constant stress dreams and nightmares and violent thoughts and suicidal ideations stopped. i was finally able to enjoy things again. i was even able to spend time with my parents and actually enjoy it. hell i even looked forward to seeing them and talking to them (which is a really fucking big deal).

there have been slip ups along the way. things have happened that have really bent me out of shape. but i was able to deal with those things and recover. last december i was prepared to ruin every relationship i had. i told my parents to not come to my graduation. i almost deleted all my friends phone numbers and unfollowed them on all social media so i never had to speak to them again. i was ready to isolate myself from everyone so that when i killed myself (which i was getting ready to do) i wouldnt hurt anyone.

im not gonna say that i cant believe that person then and the person i am now are the same people because i can absolutely believe it. there are times when i want to go back to my old ways because regressing is a lot easier than constant progress. and getting better doesnt always have 100% positive results. ive learned a lot about myself and others along the way. ive had to sever ties. ive learned that some people arent capable of change. ive learned that sometimes taking a break from the people you love the most is the best thing you can do for yourself (and for them). ive had to have hard conversations because getting better has forced me to learn that you gotta actually work for what you want.

i havent been perfect this whole time either. i still havent learned how to value my own feelings over the feelings of others or how to accept that other people care about me. im sure some day i will. a year of therapy isnt going to fix everything. but some day ill have a breakthrough.

the whole point of this though is that if i can make it through my darkest moments and turn my shit around....anyone can. but its important to know beforehand that its a process. nothing happens overnight. nothing happens in a month. recovery is something you have to work at day and night for the rest of your life. its something you have to want. it doesnt come easy and its not pleasant. its not all soothing baths and flowers and handwritten journals. its crying and screaming and addressing your past traumas and welcoming them into your home like theyre family (and then accepting that they happened but not letting them dictate your every move). its being honest - brutally honest - with not only yourself but with others. its letting go of people you love and learning to exist in the void of loneliness (until the people you love learn to accept the new you). its showing up every week (or month or whatever) and saying something for once, even if you think its stupid, even if you think its irrelevant. recovery is ongoing. im about to finish my first year. i still have a lot of work to do and im actually kind of excited to do it? which is cool considering my contingency plan has always been to kill myself.

anyway. i just wanted to say that. i dont pat myself on the back very often but ive accomplished a lot this last year. and not gonna lie but ive referred to myself as “most improved patient” in my head multiple times these past few months. im in a pretty okay place right now. im glad im still here (despite the world getting worse literally every day). im glad i have people i can share that with. and i hope some day soon i can return the love and support ive been given tenfold :)

#suicide mention #long post #very long and personal post

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aintzane411 · 7 years ago

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spoilers for voltron season 4 under the cut!

Episode 1:

BOM keith!!! We knew about it but still aaaa

why is everyone being a dick to keith let him live

theyre keeping him so busy just let him take a nap

btw this is 100% not real shiro this is a clone this is wrong

i need a hairspray AU with coran as corny collins

lance had to have been a theatre kid cmon

why does kolivan’s mask have 3 eye holes? he doesnt have 3 eyes does he?

other guy has 3 eye holes too

rip other guy

i s2g keith is gonna get back and everyone’s gonna rip into him but this poor boy just needs some oxygen and a nap jfc

coran laser noises!!!

NOT! MY! SHIRO!

ew ka//ura like kudos to shippers but *sigh*

keiths bom suit lowkey looks like he has boobs like i am totally here for trans!keith yes pls

kolivan insists he doesnt bind during missions bc its dangerous and that just adds to his stress levels poor bby

there are. furries in this rebellion. god damn it

“undetected” my boy keith doesnt do “undetected” guys

pls just let keith be happy omg

whyyyy are they furries??? like the artists knew what they were doing cmon

im gonna cry if this is actually shiro like i love kuron to death but please no

im so scared omg

let! keith! rest!!!

“he can finally be the leader i was unable to be” god keith ily im sorry babe

sheith hug!!!! leading into a group hug!!!!

but lets be real im terrified like keith is leaving the team what the fuck

Episode 2:

aaaa flashback!!! Katie!!!

o shit this is called Reunion we’re gonna find matt this episode!!!

ill punch this kid callin pidge a nerd fight me bro

MATT FLASHBACK

pidge is so cute holy fucking shit

also tag yourself im matt’s “big fucking muscles”

ooh heres the scene they showed at nycc does that mean the kaltenecker scene is in the season too?

my smol smart child im love her

smol smart badass child

stop! misgendering! my! child!

pls give pideg her brother back

“paladin pidge” how cute

IM LOVE PIDGE

plant gun!

portable xray!

o shit matt was an officer!!!

i like how matt’s “rebel officer transponder” picture is him in the galra prison gear lol

omg matt “what the garrison doesnt know wont hurt them” i love

“what dad doesnt know wont hurt him” MATT

im gonna scream if matts dead

dont you dare

theres still 9 minutes left dont you dare

FUCK

please plesae please please god

FUCK THESE FUCKING WRITERS

STUPID EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH JFC

its almost 3am and im glad im emotionally dead inside or else i would have cried like 4 times already

THERE HE IS

omg its just like ree’s canon holy shit lol

there he is holy shit thank god

this is. so pure.

ofc matt has a bounty on his head jfc

“lets show this guy what the holts are made of” god fucking bless

ok now you guys gotta find sam too cmon

niceeee good work guys damn

SCIENCE NERDS OMG

Episode 3:

okay pidge has her brotehr now lets get my boys back in the right lions kthx

ok so after rewatching s3 i think haggar and zarkon are possessed by these creatures

omg. omg matt is straight for allura wtf this is the Last Thing I Expected

shatt hug!!

technically kuratt hug but shhhhhhhh

omg lance calm down

oh boy here comes super zombie zarkon rip

“wayward son” omg

milkshake reference yes

wait please give me langst and have lance feel like hes being replaced by matt please i need more langst in my life

omfg kaltenecker scene!!!!

its even better than the clip omfg

i want lotor to come to the good side i want him to be a good guy let him have mommy issues with keith

yessss bls tell hunk how much of a genius he is thank

oh nooooo i bet pidge normally plays the game with lance but shes busy with matt aaaaa D:

i changed my mind i dont want langst

second ship??? oh boy

third??? OH BOY

matt needs to wash his hair

smelly boy

shoutout to ree and matt

i need more info on shiro/kuron omfg please

YASS PIDGE UPGRADE VOLTRON WITH CLOAKING YES

omg omg matt is gonna pilot green holy shit

damn rip narti there goes our main physically disabled character besides shiro ugh

WHERE IS KEITH BRING MY BOY BACK

omg i think lotor is gonna end up on team voltron whoa

Episode 4:

WHERE! IS! SHIRO!!!

WHERE! IS! KEITH!!!

“besides playing keith is really easy, just act moody” dont call me out like this

ok lance was 100% a theater kid but always an ensemble member never a lead, for which he was bitter about and made up for the fact by being way too over the top as an ensemble

is. is coran gonna do drugs?????? what the fuck????

omg corans room is adorable

ewewewewew brain bug omfg ew

space mall!!

omfg his fucking accent jfc

hunk “well it rhymes so its gotta be true” ily hunk

please never use any of this advice for real theater stuff smh

stick alien!

omfg an “on ice” performance holy shit

fuckin stick alien zarkon and haggar holy shit

careful guys you might break an arm

like i did smh

“loverboy lance” beautiful

“SHIRO THE HERO” THANK

even tho its not shiro but shhhhh

stop! throwing! hunk! under! the! bus!!!

the fact that no one is questinoing coran’s personality just proves that none of them would notice the subtle changes between shiro and kuron so the theory still stands

jesus christ fucking meta “except for you shiro youre the most popular character ill never get rid of you” fuck you writers

varkon! mermaids!

i miss keith :(

ep 4 moral of the story: dont do drugs kids

let! bibobi! live!!!!

Episode 5:

yesss give me keith!!!!!

omg voltron and bom and rebels are all doing a big mission together yes

me: suddenly remembers the “and lance dies so theres that” interview also me: panics

ROLO!!!

different VA??? not norman reedus i think???

hunk! being! badass! yes!!!!

im still v suspicious of this shiro smh

FEMALE GALRA COMMANDER!!!!

shes pretty oh no

why tf does there gotta be furries in the rebellion

oh fuck i almost thought matt died jfc

this commander looks like a steven universe diamond

KEITH MY BOY!!!!!

bby im proud of you for training with the bom but im so glad youre back aaaaaaaa

babe there he is aaaa!!!!!! im love keith!!!!!

now give me the real shiro jfc

and get lance back in the blue lion jfc

i s2g if matt dies

i s2g if lance dies

eyyy hell yeah go acxa

eyyy hell yeah go keith

this is going too well something is gonna happen im so scared

im really scared damn

Episode 6:

hhhhhh im terrified oh boy here we go

this one is called a new defender oh fuck

white lion?!?!?!

will keith be the white paladin?!!?!?!?!!

i just really want everyone back in their original spots bls

wait wtf is going on i zoned out for a bit its 4am

its gonna be those alternate reality being things again istnt it

lance “what are those” nice meme reference

shiro now is not the time to stay behind and analyze fuckin get ur team out of there god damn it now theres a force field around the planet fucking hell

this isnt good. this isnt good at all. and the music sounds so ominous oh god

im so scared

lance i s2g you better not do anything stupid

lance i s2g you better not do antyhing stupid

bls no a//urance

lance i s2g you better not do anything stupid

KEITH YOU BETTER NOT DO ANYTHIGN STUPID EITHER HOLY SHIT

shoutout to coran for just having to hang back while all of his loved ones risk their lives

lance i s2g

im so scared holy shit

LANCE DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID

w h o a

I LOVE KEITH SO MUCH

shoutout to coran for just accepting that alluras telling him to leave when everyon ehe loves could very well die

im love keith and his new leadership skills he learned in the bom but DONT YOU DARE DIE HOLY FUCK

no one is allowed to die

keith dont you dare

keith DONT YOU DARE

KEITH

holy fuck oh my god hes ok hes ok holy fucking shit

o shit

o shit lotor is gonna join the coalition i fucking called it!!!

holy fuck that was a lot of emotions and where the fuck is shiro fuck you writers fuck you

#voltron #voltron spoilers #voltron season 4 #season 4 spoilers #vld season 4 #tagging everything i can think of #vld spoilers #god that was stressful

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localrobosexual · 7 years ago

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so how about The Last Knight huh

HECKO I totally forgot to make that post about what I thought about Transformers 5 after I watched it whOOPS

so here they are now!! :0 it’s kinda long though. Sorry about that. Unlike my post about GOTG Vol. 2 that one time, for this one I just kinda wrote down some erratic notes about thoughts and reactions I had as I watched the movie, and then I kinda summed up my opinion about it overall down at the end?? so yeah. That’s how this one is gonna play out lol. Generalized running commentary style.

(fair warning: this WILL contain spoilers!! Like I can’t,,, , talk about it without giving stuff away lmao. If you haven’t seen the movie, and still want to and plan on doing so, I don’t recommend you read this!)

alright u made it past the spoiler warning so here we go!!

- Quintessa gave me a lot of G1 Unicron vibes with the whole "I made you, you are mine to command" thing

- "Why do we tell these stories, besides the fact that dragons are wicked" girl same lmao

- I literally cannot. CANNOT. Take Barricade seriously. With those ridiculous "punish" and “enslave” branded brass knuckles. Buddy. My dude. Please chill. You're literally trying to be so edgy man just. Turn it down a notch lmao - Optimus literally didn't sound at all like himself at first?? It sounded like he had a different voice actor for those first few lines he spoke?? That was weird. It wasn't until the second time he appeared on screen where Quintessa was telling him about where the staff was hid was I like "oh wait yeah there's Peter Cullen" - the "Cybertron is coming" shot looked sUPER fake and green screened to me for whatever reason?? like idk I think it was the lighting they had on him but it was reALLY FUNNY PFFFFTT

- Bee swinging his legs on top of that roof was sUPER CUTE THANK U IM BLESSED

- Mohawk. Um. Who thought turning Junkrat into a Transformer was a good idea bc that’s literally all this dude is lmao

- What kind of name is Nitro Zeus. Im cryin. PRETTY SURE HE HAS THE SAME VOICE ACTOR AS THE ONE TIGER ALIEN FROM BEN 10??? I DON’T REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT HE WAS THE ONE THAT ALWAYS WENT "LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHIN". WHY DOES HE HAVE SHOCKWAVE'S FACE. IM SO DONE

- I like how they had the whole holoform bike thing going on?? like how Prowl's was in TFA and Arcee’s was in TFP that was neato - I WILL NEVER GET USED TO HEARING BUMBLEBEE SWEAR I S2G but the Siri voice thing was pretty funny ngl. I saw that in a trailer on instagram and didn't actually think it was actually a real scene that they kept I thought it was just made for that specific ad but nOPE IT WAS REAL LMAO - Megatron musing over Starscream's decapitated head oh my god liSTEN MAN PUT HIM DOWN DONT BE LIKE THIS COME ON - HI CAN WE TALK ABOUT COGSMAN I LOVE COGMAN A LOT I LOVE HIM HE WAS REALLY GREAT EASILY A BIG FAVE HE WAS SO ENJOYABLE TO WATCH I love how,,, ok heck I don't know this guy very well bc I didn't watch Age of Extinction but it's the green dude with the trench coat built into him,,, Crosshairs?? I think it's Crosshairs yeah but the fact that he called him a C-3PO rip off was fUNNY MAN that also got a good laugh outta me and he totally rekt his heckin finger lmao. He was rlly short?? that surprised me kinda like from the trailers it looked like he was pretty average human sized but nope he’s super short - BEE'S DOUBLE CHEST POUND FINGER GUN "ayyy my dude" THING WAS ADORABLE THANK U - THEY ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH THE WHOLE EARTH BEING UNICRON THING HOLY HECK now that,,, that was really interesting. Didn't expect that. AND the whole Nemesis Prime deal?? OP getting brainwashed?? THAT'S why he's heckin evil nO WONDER MAN GEEZ I didn't think OP would willingly do all that to the earth just because. That makes me feel a lot better actually lmao - Soundwave!! Shockwave!! u guys are famous!! wow way to go im so proud of u!!!! - Hot Rod tho,,,, , oh boy he was a mess lmao. I only really know Hot Rod through MTMTE and the 80s Transformers movie so,, , not too too much to go off of, but he just was so incredibly DIFFERENT and off-putting from what I was used to that I honestly didn't like him so much?? I mean he was alright. Grew on me a bit more as the movie went on I think. He was ok. That time warp weapon thing he had was cool tho!! nice!! seemed kinda overpowered a bit but cool!! - COGMAN SPINNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE WHILE HE WALKED THE DOG WAS ADORABLE THANK U - you know that movie trope where he background music will become like a song on the radio and then a character comes and switches it off?? YEAH THEY DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN THIS MOVIE WITH THE EPIC WORLD-CHANGING ORGAN MUSIC AND I JUST. COGMAN GOING HAM ON THAT ORGAN HAD ME CRYYYYYYYIIINNG HE WAS SO INTO IT MAN OH MY GO D. I LOVE COGMAN THANK U THAT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES AND IT WAS HILARIOUS GOD BLESS - HE CAN SING OPERA TOO IM CRYYYYIINNNG MAN JUST. PLEASE LET HIM HYPE UP THE MOMENT HE'S DOING HIS BEST!!!! - THE TABLE WAS WRITTEN IN OLD CYBERTRONIAN yknow if you could get Cyclonus down there he could probs read that for you no problem. Or don't actually. Please don't drag him into Bayverse oh I s2g nevermind nevermind - HEY MAN I LOVED THAT ROBOT HYDRA WOO BOY THAT WAS COOL and it's like?? a Combiner?? but not really. Burton just said the twelve knights combined into the dragon but I doubt they can all unfuse from that form lmao it was probs just a one time thing. So not a Combiner. Still cool tho. Robot dragons. SICK!!!!!! - HEY they did the whole Unicron's a planet-eating god thing this time around too wow. Neat. Listen man all I'm saying is I glad I watched TFP and bits of G1 and that 80s movie bc if not I woulda had no idea why Unicron was important lmao. That was pretty neat tho!! Interesting. Interesting. - OK BUT COGMAN LAUGHING AND SINGING "MOVE B!TCH GET OUT THE WAY" WHILE DRIVING 200 MPH DOWN THE ROAD WAS HILARIOUS WHAT A BLESSING THANK U - Surprisingly Bee seemed to be ok in that open water??? Hanging on to the side of a submarine?? I mean. Salt water man. Buddy watch out ur gonna rust plEASE BE CAREFUL

- speaking of which didn’t they say there was gonna be a submarine transformer in this movie?? like didn’t they say that in interviews before the movie came out?? I mean. We never saw that. It might’ve been that the submarine WAS a transformer but it never spoke, never transformed, nothing. Didn’t give any indication that it was uniquely Cybertronian aside from Vivian’s magic touch thing. Idk. That wasn’t explained so I mean. Hmm.

- Cogman can make sushi!! dang!! wow!!! bravo!!! - OP'S HECKIN INTERDIMENSIONAL BOOB POCKET OH MY GO D dang wish I had one of those lmao - THAT FINAL FIGHT WITH OP AND BEE THO AAAAAAAA OH MY GO S H HECKO MAN!!!! OPTIMUS RIPS OFF BEE'S DOOR WINGS MAN!!! GEEZ!!!! what I wanna know is like since when did Bumblebee have a hammer lmao. Like,, , is it supposed to the the Forge of Solus Prime?? When did he get that?? How and why?? I don't know and it was never explained but I mean. Why tho. - OH MY GOD BUT BEE'S VOICE!! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!! DANG!! WOW BUDDY!!! AAAA!! IM GLAD HE'S OK!!! and that's all it takes to snap Optimus outta his brainwashed phase lmao ok then. Cool. Wasn’t what I expected him to sound like either but then again I really don’t know what I expected in the first place lmao - I feel a LOT better knowing Optimus didn't willingly wanna destroy the earth like. He was brainwashed. And when he snapped outta it he felt absolutely awful about what he did. I mean it felt like that whole plot point was rushed, a lot of this movie felt very rushed, but it makes me feel better at least lmao. Optimus I'm sorry man can I,,, , give u a hug or something man it rlly looks like u need a hug - "YOU CHOSE THE WRONG SIDE" OOOOOH BOY FLASHBACKS TO THAT CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR BIT IN PRI.ME(3) LMAOOOO - CADE. BUDDY. YOU CANT JUST BLOCK A SWORD LIKE THAT. THAT WAS A KILLING BLOW DEALT BY A GIANT ALIEN ROBOT I DONT CARE HOW SPECIAL THAT MEDALLION THINGY IS U CANT JUST DO THAT LMAOOOO. And then as soon as he whips that sword out the rest of the knights are like "oh wait yeah let's stop killing this guy we're chill now let's all point out swords together" lmaooooo - Crosshairs' "Love that guy. Goosebumps every time" line after Optimus gives his mandatory speech lmAO DUDE SAME - "You were by far the coolest" alright Cogman you ruined the moment a lil bit but man I still love u hecko - OK THIS IS GONNA SOUND REALLY STUPID BUT LISTEN MAN I'M GLAD THERE WAS,,,, , a lot of hand holding going on towards the end. Like fr. Cogman to dying Burton and Vivian and Cade as they were gonna jump outta that plane onto the Cybertronian tendril whatevers. Just. Small bits of physical reassurance and comfort in times of real great distress. I appreciate that a LOT more than like, watching two characters make out right before the big climactic final showdown lmao. Thank u movie wow I really didn't expect that - SO THERE WAS A COMBINER TEAM!! A COMBINER MINOTAUR!!! DANG NOT EVEN GONNA LIE THAT THING WAS NEATO!!! - Ok forget what I said about Hot Rod at the beginning he redeemed himself at the end. I didn't like him and first but now,, , now we chill. Granted I still can't see him as being HOT ROD bc he's just so different from what I know him as Rodimus but I can still appreciate him as his own character. Cool cool. - OPTIMUS RIDING THE ROBOT HYDRA INTO BATTLE AND BLOWING EVERYTHING UP WAS GREAT. MAN THAT WAS GOOD. "DID YOU FORGET WHO I AM" WOOOO BOY CHILLS MAN!!!! - OH COME ON they still made out. Lmao. Dangit. It was inevitable but I mean come on man. Alright. They kept it short and quick thank you tho if u had to put in a make out scene at least u kept it to a minimum. Thank you. Can we get back to the robots now pls. - AAAAA BUMBLEBEE'S "STING LIKE A BEE" LINE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - that ending was pretty sudden lmao. A lot of this movie was sudden and fast. They just jump cut STRAIGHT to those credits man not even an ending panorama or clean slow zoom out shot or anything lmao - AND OH BOY THEY TEASED UNICRON’S GONNA ACTUALLY COME BACK AND APPEAR IN ANOTHER MOVIE AAAAAAA OH NO OH BOY NOT AGAIN GOSH DARN IT LMAO

All in all, surprisingly, I actually ended up kinda enjoying it!! Like it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!! Tbh for me it might even be second best in the series!! (First being the first movie from 2008 lmao) Honestly I was really REALLY surprised at how much I didn't hate it. Like. I still dislike it to a degree because it's still Bayverse, and I probably won't watch it again unless I'm with friends (like I do with the rest of the transformers movies) but it honestly wasn't too too bad! It really exceeded my expectations as far as plot, and I wasn't hardcore cringing for most of the movie so hey that's a plus!! The movie had a lot of genuinely funny moments, especially with Cogman, which got some pretty good laughs outta me like I was really having fun at those parts!! Optimus’ absence for most of the movie didn’t sit well with me for some reason. Like it just felt strange. But it kinda had to be for the story to move forward so I guess I can forgive that lol. The pacing was REALLY whack and way too fast though. Like they were REALLY trying to cram a whole lotta stuff into a relatively short amount of time. The movie's almost two and a half hours long but it really didn't feel like that because of how fast the pacing was. Some of the dialogue felt really forced because of this issue too. It didn’t feel genuine sometimes. But that has to be like, pretty much my only specific issue with it?? surprisingly?? wow. I'm honestly super shocked lmao dang man I didn’t think I’d like this movie at all but I was very much proved wrong!! I hated those old ladies tho and their obsession to get Vivian a boyfriend and the whole innuendo thing. Yeah. No. Don't do that. Stop. I'm too ace for this.

anyways yeah those were my thoughts sorry that was so long lmao whoops

#transformers #bayverse #tf5 #transformers 5 #transformers the last knight #words of meg #long post

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a-baleful-howl · 7 years ago

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Warning: this turned into some bitter wank material. If you are looking for abject praise... its probably not here. :-/ So, I was watching this video Friday night, and he goes into a rant (it starts at around 28:31, but the entire video is good and worth a watch) about how D&DB seem to be more interested to write for the actors, instead of the characters. They write scenes to give the actors fun scenes to play, to show off the actors talents, to give their cast reasons to stay excited, to win awards, to look pretty and dramatic. They dont write with the characters development and plot in mind. They dont write it for the story. D&DB are very "hollywood" in their mind set. They seem to have a hard time focusing on the story-only, and separating the actors from their characters. Instead of thinking about the characters portrayed in the story, they think about how the actor looks while working on film. And it was painfully obvious to me in the scene with Tyrion and Cersei. What. Point. Did. That. Scene. Have. Except. To. Give. The. Actors. A. Chance. To. Yell. And. Cry. That scene is the kind of fodder actors and drama students DIE FOR. It is actor jerk off material. "Look at how RAW I was. Look at how WELL we work together. I just went where the scene needed."

(I was a drama major - I am allowed to be dramatic and cynical right now lol) Same issue with this whole Sansa vs Arya reveal. This was good dramatic television - not masterful storytelling. I have Issues(TM) with this whole subplot. I think Arya and Sansa had a come to jesus talk after Arya's emmy-bait speech about Ned. I think all the jealous and angry talk before that was real. But - again - what. point. were. all. the. fake. out. creepy. scenes. if. Petyr. wasnt. there. to. see. them. They were only for the audience. And that takes Game of Thrones out of the subtle foreshadowing political drama it was, into cheap hollywood storytelling tricks to keep an audience on the edge of their seat for a week to week basis. And also, to show off Maise's talent. They are throwing all their actors a bone. When the cast is interviewed and asked "what would you like to see your character do next?" D&DB are taking notes. (We're probably going to see Jon riding a dragon next season.) Why do they listen to what the actors want to do instead of what the actors think their characters need? Does anyone else think that Sansa/Arya killing Petyr so publicly like that was actually dumb? There was no trial, or trial by combat. I dont think it would make Sansa more likable to her "subjects". Killing an enemy so quickly and openly - and not even a quick, clean death like a beheading, either - is a fear tactic. It makes her look blood thirsty. "Im sure chopping off heads is so satisfying but it doesn't get people to work together." Sure, everyone wanted to see Petyr get his, and theyre glad a villain is gone from the show, but the way they executed him leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It could have ramifications - it could not. But there was a better way to handle it. When I read the leaks, I actually hoped they were wrong about this scene in particular. I would have preferred a secret killing - Arya and Sansa taking Petyr to a secret secluded place and revealing his lies and betrayals away from all the Northern Lords. Killing him without witnesses - without an audience. That would have been gritty, dark and a grey area for the characters. Jon showed mercy in the beginning of the season - not that I think Petyr is worthy of mercy - but I think locking him up in a jail cell to await his execution would have been better than having little Arya slice his throat in a room full of watchers. It was not becoming of a queen who would inspire love and loyalty. Ugh. It bothers me so much. And after looking at the leaked scripts - I am super uber confused why and how theres no written dialogue. Do the actors come up with it?? Do the directors improvised on set? The scripts are literally summary paragraphs "blah and blah go over here and talk." That is literally what they say!! When are the lines written? When?? I actually thought 7.07 would be amazing, the best episode of the season, like 6.09 or 6.10, and leave me just wailing in pain for the next season. But Im just so not into this writing and mindset anymore.

I have certain things I like, other things I love, but overall, I am disappointed and bothered by the general lack of fucks D&DB seem to have for the source material and potential anymore. I mean, I hope they dont get too cocky and think they can write books now.

#game of thrones #hbo #ranting and raving #anti-D&D #original #me

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 7 years ago

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ralph, i love your blog and i agree with yr issues with the fandom, im at a point where you are the only 1d blog i follow. but you are super biased with louis. i love that kid and i dont think some things he posts go against who he is, but his account/him/whoever, is intentionally being aggravating, he constantly picks stupid fights publicly, its very annoying bc its useless. i hate my brother for doing this, i will certainly hate a celeb doing it even more. whats the point of it?

continuing my ideas abt louis' online persona being aggravating, im over 1d, i dont care much about the boys, but i still follow all of them on social media, all of them but louis, bc louis is super aggressive in a non pleasant way. i dont care for niall's music but he seems nice, i think lima is ridiculous but i find him amusing, harry is reserved but neutral. louis sounds like a bully and i dont see a point for it. is it to score cool points? its not working.

you are clearly a fan of him, so i understand where you are coming from, and i agree with so much of what you say, i love his video interviews, his accent, the warmth you can feel out of him, and his intelligence. but his the opposite of that on his social media, its very off putting., like maybe reading books isnt equivalent with being intelligent but actively pushing the image that he hates reading books sounds stupid.

Thanks anon - I’m glad you enjoy my blog. So I’m going to start with the latest tweet - and then move to Louis’ SM more generally.

I see the comment about the library very differently from most of my dash. I don’t think a private library is the sign of someone who loves books, but as someone who wants a particular kind of status symbol. People I know who love books (including those who have the money to organise their space as they choose) don’t have a library - they have bookshelves everywhere and piles of books by the bed. I’ve never known anyone with a private library, but I think of them as class-signifiers. They are a sign of wealth that dates back many generations, or alternatively a sign of new wealth that wants status symbols. I know this is understood differently in America, where wanting to look wealthy is much less complicated. But in the UK it’s one thing for a popstar from Doncaster to be rich - it’s another for him to be seen to want to be posh. There are all sorts of class lines and having a show library crosses them.

I would also push back a little bit against what you sai. Do you really think it’s OK not to read? What are the implications of thinking something is OK, but that mentioning it is boasting that makes someone look bad? Doesn’t demanding that people be silent about something promote shame? I’m assuming you’re not from the UK (sorry if you’re wrong) and I get that the class connotations aren’t explicit in other contexts. But even leaving that aside, if something is actually OK it has to be OK to talk about.

Onto Louis’ social media more generally. So there have been specific things he posts that I really don’t like. I hated the Ash London tweet. I hated the picture of the person in a shopping mall in Doncaster so much that it was a factor in my stopping posting for some time. I don’t think in general I read it as aggressively as you do. But a lot of it I could take or leave.

But, outside of things that I actively hate, I don’t mind that I don’t like his social media. I think one of the reasons I don’t mind that I don’t particularly like him on twitter - is that I hate so much of twitter. There are so many people who tweet in ways that irritate the shit out of me (random example - people who use a collective ‘you’ but aren’t addressing their followers). Many to many communication is relatively new - and there’s so much that we haven’t figured out yet, or that people disagree on. I disagree with Louis over the responsibilities of people with large social media followings, but I disagree with a lot of people about that. Nobody’s quite figured out boundaries or codes of behaviour. You see on tumblr all the time minor levels of hypocrisy on these questions.

I don’t follow him (or any other 1D members) on twitter. I have very little invested in it. And I think that ultimately comes down to how I react to social media in general and twitter in particular.

#I don't agree with the way I used to be on facebook either #obviously there are lots of other questions on twitter #about authorship and branding and all that #and I do think about them #but that to me is quite different from my personal reaction to their social media #which unless I actively hate it #or it gives me pleasure #I don't put a lot of meaning on #Anonymous

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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Also HELL YES FOR CASUAL PLAYER LOVE

Im so happy to hear that Let's Go is indeed INTENTIONALLY designed to be "more casual" and everything these super anti-casual conpetitive players are complaining about was intentionalky put in there cos the developers legit think its better. THANK YOU!

i dunno man it just seems like we NEVER heae about the developers doing anything for the fans unless its enablibg competitive play or iv breeding or whatever. Like those are the only definitions of "fans" that interviewers seem to care about. And Its hard to know what the developers really think when the questions that are asked leave out a huge componant of the fanbase, yknow?

And uhh.. I mean its just good to specificially know that theyre okay with casual fans existing, like not just "its for kids" but "hey you are not bad if you are an adult who also enjoys the game for its intended appeal points and not for a huge mega complicated mathematical metagame people made up to be 'more mature'". I was really surprised to see that written interview with masuda specifically mentioning IV breeding as the place where conpetitive goes too far and makes the game not fun anymore. "Pokemon wasn't meant to be a game about hatching eggs and nothing else." Like.. Playing competitively itself is not bad, i dont wanna sound like i hate hardcore fans and im a big ol jerk. I admire the dedication because it all seems so super unattainable and mathematically magical to me! Im not into that stuff but i can admire that you have to be a damn genius to achieve all that stuff. BUT i also get what he's saying. Because it sucks when you HAVE to be a damn genius to EVEN START PLAYING! Whenever high level competitive strats become the goddamn baseline it makes competitive completely inaccessable to everyone except the most hardcore of the hardcore, and its like damn man how do you even become that if you have no way to start practising? Iv breeding is so INSANE in retrospect! Like when you think about it, its wild that people even cracked the code for how to game the system and get the highest possible randomized stats for every ridiculously minor thing. Like how the fuck did they even figure out any of this?? And then all the further madness into figuring out how to attain it and how to raise odds of shinys and hidden abilities and how they keep figuring out new ways to do it with every new system each game brings out. And then people will spend friggin LITERAL DAYS OF REAL TIME running up and down the same road in the game, hatching thousands of eggs just to get the one mathematically superior pokemon from a confluence of random events. And this is treated as fuckin REQUIRED to play the game! You can't touch competitive if you dont do it. And these bad sorts of competitive players will try and force this requirement onto other non-competitive parts of the game, and shame casual players for not doing it even though its literally not what they want to play the game for.

Seriously, man! Individual values were just designed to make individual pokemon more random, so the play experience would seem more unique to each run. It was literally invented for a "casual" reason! It just really sucks that they implimented it in a way that had an objective "best" value to get, so people ignored the whole point of "adding personality" and just wanted that one. Tho i mean at least they patched out the early issue where gender and shinyness were linked to these values so you couldnt get certain types of pokemon as the "best" version and it was even more limiting. Glad that GSC didnt have online metagame yet, lol! (Tho it makes it possible for people to more easily predict which pokenon will become Shiny when transferred from rby to gsc, which is neat.)

ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Oh yeah! I appreciate that each generation of games lately has made it easier to see your IVs and EVs and to get them to their "best" versions, with even the FUCK YEAH feature pf being able to "fix" bad IVs on level 100 pokemon. I carried my Sneasel named Reaper since RSE and he's been completely unuseable for so long and bottlecaps fixed that! Kid me just played the game like he was my starter and i loved him. I didnt know about IVs or EVs, so i took this terribly-statted dude with a bad ability and made him fight all the wrong pokemon because he is my best friend and he needs to win every gym battle and i will buy him lemonades afterward. Also he wore the Blackglasses item forever cos i thougjt itd be cool if you could put accessories on your pokemon. So yeah i did Everything Wrong and thus all the pokemon i actually cared about were made weak and useless by my love and i had to spend 48 hours running down a stupid road to hatch and abandon 1400 new ones just to get one that was "useable". Thanks to bottlecaps, this is no more! Decade old weasel pals can be revived! Tho still it sucks that i hit level 100 before this mon's evolution came out. Alas!

BUT

Like.. Even tho now its slightly less hard to make a "perfect" pokemon its still tedious as hell and really takes you out of the moment and you have to already know beforehand that its necessary. Kids are just gonna blunder in and not even know why they keep losing due to no fault of their own. Adults are gonna also do that. Seriously this isnt a "kiddy fans vs mature fans" or "non fans versus FANS" thing, this is just "fans who have one very specific skill for memorizing a bunch of numbers and steps and enduring hours of boredom doing it vs..people who think that kinda ruins the game". And even if nintendo fully streamlined the process into sonething easy, itd still feel like an unnecessary roadblock in the way of just getting to play the damn game. We really need to add some sort of hardcore/casual or iv breeding/no iv breeding thing to league divisions, as well as the tier lists. This is why im so hyped for the current "Spooky Cup", since it actually seems like a "just for fun" multiplayer experience, and its kinda dumb that we have to rely on nintendo actually programming limitations into a tournement cos the players refuse to allow anyone to just do it normally. I did a big whoop at "no mega stones" and "everyone gets a participation prize even if they lose"! And the limitations being a random event based thing rather than a skill cap! Yay ghost types!! Reminds me of the baby pokemon only tourneys in the n64 games. That was a kind of hardcore challenge that had a bit of creativity to it!

So anyway anyway what i'm getting at...

I'm just happy that the devs are saying "yes this is a casual game with more of what casual players want, and less of those hardcore limitations" and THATS NOT MEANT TO BE A NEGATIVE!! Actual developers sitting on a couch hugging giant pikachu plushies and saying this game is for people who just want a fun game about..well, hugging pikachus! They changed the way you catch pokemon because they wanted it to be more fun. They brought back following pokemon because fun. You get all these new features for your starter because they wanted you to really feel like a kid going on their first pokemon adventure and sharing all these special moments with pikachu! They talked about how the art style was decided upon because it was the closest to "how you imagined it in your head when you played pokemon yellow", and "if it was photorealistic it just wouldnt feel right". They picked eevee for the second option because they actually paid attention to the fans and which pokemon was the second most popular and had a similar "both cute and cool" appeal with all audiences. And they put the most effort into the visuals and the cuteness and making everything just feel like a good and fun adventure that recaptures everything you wanted as a kid playing the first game.

And they just act so unapologetically HAPPY about all these parts of the game! These are their favourite parts! They're the goddamn DEVELOPERS and even they say that they prefer the story and the characters and the relaxing childlike whimsy to the concept of refining gameplay to a ridiculous hardcore perfection and throwing out everything else in pursuit of that. And man, seeing them hugging the big pika and eev plushies in EVERY PROMOTIONAL VIDEO and just enjoying playing their own game so much!! And babbling on about dressing up your pokemon!!

God its just SO GOOD to see this as a fan who's been here since the very beginnibg and is starting to feel quite self concious about being an adult fan who isnt doing it "properly". Like man the pressure of hardcore competotive being the "only right way" started even when i was just 11, like seriously THE AGE THE ACTUAL TRAINERS ARE IN THE GODDAMN GAME. Before you even hit your teens you already got stuck up older kids telling you you were too old to just enjoy a game cos you enjoyed the damn game, noooo you have to make it as unfun as possible and only derive enjoyment from defeating other people. It took me until ORAS to actually even be able to try competitive at all, i found it so overwhelming until they added other methods to EV train. And even then i still felt like the blandness of the preparation outweighed any fun of playing these "higher level" battles. Like sure maybe some people like that stuff but it felt so dissappointing after all these years of being pressured to try it...

Sometimes its just good to enjoy a game cos you legit like the world and characters. Sometimes its just really validating to see the developers talking about enjoying making those things, cos it gives you permission to be less embarrassed about it. Sometimes its good to also see them hugging a hundred dollar giant pikachu while you hug your hundred dollar giant mimikyu. Cos seriously what is the point of being an adult if youre not allowed to buy these adult sized plushies? What kid could ever afford those! Im not letting my childhood dream pass me by just because ~maturity~ when im finally able to slap a fat wad of cash on the table and yell GIVE ME THE BIGGEST CHU

I will embrace all my pure childhood love and enjoy this game of just huggins and nothing else! And i really like this concept for the series, if they continue doing Let's Go as a spinoff so we'd have a set of games appealing to each of the casual and hardcore demographics. I always feel bad complaining about hardcore when really my actual opinion on it is just "its not for me" and im actually only complaining about the rude fans who tell me im not a real fan unless i like their genre of stuff. Dude i was three years old when pokemon came out, i think ive earned my right by seniority to hug a plushie or two! So itd be awesome if hardcore doods could get their super hardcore game too, and we could just argue less cos we'd each be able to enjoy what we enjoy. Tho i mean the main series games already have a pretty clear divide between story/fun being the main game and hardcore competitive being a postgame thing. And yet we still get all this fandom fightibg over "ignore the actual 90% of the game, skip the plotline and only play competitive" apparantly being the "real" way to play it. Like man im worried that attitude is still gonna stick arpund even if they do give us separate games appealing to each side of the fandom?

EHHH WHATEVER! Im just gonna sit here in my corner of casual hugs and work on my self confidence to be able to stop feeling bad about not being someone else's idea of a "real" fan. If real fans can't have pikachu in a little hat, then that is not the life i wanna lead!

LITTLE GODDAMN HAT, MY GUY

#rambleramble #just a long vent ive had pent up since gen 4 lol #tho man people were still jerks in the competitive scene even back when it was just local link cables #just that there wasnt a massive internet community thats only really available to competitive people and excludes anyone else

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cheswirls · 7 years ago

Text

okay time to talk abt star wars

BENICIO DEL TORO IS IN IT like what a surprise and a delight. i went w ten members of my family and half of us had no idea until the credits like UH, what the FUCK is this guy doing in it alright

but yea real quick i havent seen shit abt laura dern and how amazing she was like they keep these films so under wraps no one knew what her character even was but WOW did she do a good job. like playing off everything in your plans only to have the best and smartest intentions and when leia walks through those doors into the command room w poe and hes like oh sweet and she whips out her blaster was THW BEST like ‘boy youve caused a lot of trouble for my sweetheart smart gal holdo and its time for you to Stop™’ and then when she decides to LITERALLY DIE to help the escape pods get away and poes like ‘GREAT shes abandoning us’ leias like nO sHeS NoT!! like no. no.

i really liked the humor it was few and far between but it was good. chewie abt to eat the porg. poe pranking hux w the bad signal and him FALLING FOR IT OM G as a stall technique, luke’s twiceover ‘AMAZING everything you said was completely wrong’, the whole ‘the jus PARKED THE SHIp on the beach and i TOLD THEM it was public but they jus went to the casino’ like what assholes but then it was.. rose’s ship damn, poe’s ‘permission to get in a ship and blow shit up’ to leia, when it was funny it was great.

I REALLY LIKED ROSE and i liked the necklace connection w paige, the TRUE HERO of the opening battle w the bombs, such an emotional scene she killed it. but yea back to rose she was cute a good character i liked her. i fell in love w kellie through interviews tho so it wasnt hard.

I FEEL LIKE FINN WOKE UP TOO QUICK but i get it tho. like theyre evacuating hes gotta. wake up. get up. why the water?? in the siut tho? that shouldve been explained wtf.

also the whole force bond wasn’t super well-done. it was explained to where it was okay but i still feel like they should’ve had more scenes where they were filmed in the same location, like seeing each other through their own eyes where its only them not the surroundings, that kinda killed it. not very well done c- rian johnson no pls.

i still dont?? get why ppl do reylo. i still dont see it. i honestly think they jus want two jedi leads together, bc that hasnt happened yet. i dont think their relationship is abusive at any point tho?? i saw ppl on abt it the other day and?? did we watch the same movie or are you jus fucking salty and want a reaction or?? anyway. its a conflict. in the end i feel like he wanted her power, not jus her, beside him. you can see, someone mentioned earlier, that he kinda jumps the whole ‘lets rule the galaxy’ on impulse to maintain his stance of control.

all the shit on canto bight was important. showing how to some people everyone is the same. they deal to whoever they need to to get rich. that whole place was beautiful. for the longest time i thought the master codebreaker WAS the guy they found and the noble who had it had taken the lapel but NOPE

one of the best scenes was talking with maz in the middle of a fucking UNION BATTLE like jeez. extreme but funny, another humor that was on point.

CRAIT WAS THE BEST PLANET i loved /loved/ the cinematic appeal of red salt covered by white frost. it was great. it made for some really cool effect scenes, like the old fighters skating across and kicking up red salt clouds amidst all the white. the part where ben slices into luke and then ext shit is the cleared away snow and then his foot clearing away to reveal red like is that lukes blood??? maybe?? what a good move thats one point for mr rian johnson there that caught me off guard nice

and more!! like firing at luke and again kicking up the red salt, it was all good. got some really great effects. the best setting by far.

i dont understand finn’s sacrifice-ram-into-the-cannon thing that was stupid and a bad mvoe and made no sense and wtf??

yea but when you get down to it lets talk abt luke bc. the quote abt mark hating evry choice of luke char’s yea im glad rian is gone and wtf was up w killing him off for no reason in the end???? he jus goes. for no reason. its like we gotta pick off the old trio one by one. he’d probably announce leia’s death in the opening written sequence if he was in charge of nine. like there was no!!! point! damn. no point. and now carrie’s gone and they cant cgi an entire movie w leia so??? fuck. theyre all three gone now which sucks bc it jus sucks. im still sad carrie’s gone.

one of the better parts was ben choosing not to fire on the cockpit bc his mOM is there cant do that shit that was good.

back to luke real quick what a total character bomb. assassination. wt FUCK would he choose to kill ben bc ‘the dark side was already in him’ bitch he saved darth vader!!!!! and shit wanna tell me a little dark hold scared him enough for death wtf is wrong w rian johnson shit.

the whole plotline w holdo was amazing like she was portrayed as kinda a self-centered betrayer like not in the ‘im on the wrong side’ but in the ‘i only care about my survival’ shit which was why it was nice to have the canto bight comparison. but then her plans were revealed and you see she had the true intentions from the beginning but why the FUCK SHE COUNDLT TELl poe i dont know that was another Bad Move™ for fuckin rian johnson.

we talk about dead heroes at the beginnign of the movie. starting with paige tico, holdo was definitely the next big one and WHAT A SACRIFICE she made. damn.

hi im che and i really liked how luke came back and leia n him hugged it out and then he told him he couldnt save ben but then he lets him go to Mull™. funniest scene was when theyre firing EVERYTHING WEVE GOT at luke and MORRE,MORE even and then he jus. brushes his shoulder which contains nothing bc hes not even there in the most dramatic move of the past three films produced in the sw universe.

and then ben cuts thru him a couple times and we see hes not even there which. shit. okay. caught us off guard there with that bc he hugged leia so he was clearly solid?? but then he wasnt? or was he and it jus zones out bc something tried to cut thru him, either way you didnt know until it happened bc astral projection in star wars aint exacly a thing. like you gotta be dead to show up places where you arent.

im confused on ben as a character and where he is going. he really isn’t on a side really? he’s with the first order currently but i seriously doubt he’ll be supreme leader in the next. snoke kinda died too easily too like i expected him to be wounded not sliced in half in the saber move was all saw coming™. different. strange. not sure what to expect really. what are his intentions now? did he rally have any in the first place?? luke is kinda gone again for no reason so he doesnt rly have anyone to go to. sorta.

adam driver is rly jus an amazing actor in this top tier a+++.

i rly like phasma in this. christie did a wonderful job, and we SW HER EYE SHIT i was waiting for her to talk off the helmet and it never. happened. but what a dramatic scene and was an ending to her like wow.

(once again thats thanks to ma girl holdo pls appreciate thx)

this movie was long i saw it once its been over 12 hours bc i had to go to a ballet show right after and then eat and shit so its been a Bit so i forgot some stuff here. ill get back to it eventually. if youve seen it feel free to ask me what i thought of what ill scream back w an in depth fun reply okay bye.

#tlj #sw #tlj spoilers

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