#but clearly to fit with the intended outcome

[charmstrangebeauty]

I can’t believe how obvious it is on rewatch that Agatha knew who Billy was the whole time. The gap between what the writers led us to believe was happening and what was actually happening was so cleverly done. Kathryn Hahn should get a million awards and so should the writers. Go watch it again - all of her lines and microexpressions and little glances at Billy and decisions about the road make so much more sense now. Do you know how many times I watched this and I missed all of it? It’s bonkers, actually.

[thewalrusespublicist]

Stress Testing Song Lyric Theories: Real Love/Real Life/Stepping Out Demo Meta

What's this? Another long-ass essay analysis on a piece of John Lennon's media that keeps getting taken down by the Ono Lennon estate? More likely than you think (especially when you're this autistic).

As a history obsessive and a grizzled, mood ruining, eternal hater/skeptic, I have misgivings when people in the Beatles fandom look at song lyrics only through one specific lens/focus as it can lead to a myopic and potentially inaccurate take of the subject matter. This I've noticed is particularly bad with older Beatles fans looking at John's work through just the Yoko lens and other fans looking at it just through the Paul lens. (This ain't a lecture btw, I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to doing both.)

When dealing with contentious things like interpreting feelings and songs (nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with that combo lol), it's important to get at least the facts we do have straight, which is why I wanted to go through some of the fandom's darlings and take them apart to see if the theories about them actually hold up to scrutiny.

To start out, I'd thought I go big with having a proper look at John Lennon's 1977 real life/real love/stepping out demo. I wanted to tackle this one as this is one of only three unconfirmed songs in John's catalogue that I was 100 % convinced was about Paul. As I've mentioned before, this was to me the smoking gun to end all smoking guns, my golden calf, Real Love demo my beloved etc. Got to say, I'm glad I did, as the outcome was a lot more complicated than expected! So let's get to the demo:

Analyzing songs for a fixed specific meaning or one coherent subject is always ... challenging. Songs are a medium to express both real or imagined concepts, feelings and events. You can't know everything about the artist's thought process and therefore their work, especially in regards to what is fictional/metaphorical and what is real (pun intended). What's special about this demo though (and what makes it easier to work with) is the fact that its less of a fully crafted song and more one long stream of consciousness ramble. The line between subject and artist is dissolved as we sit at the piano with John as he tells us about his miserable morning:

Woke up this morning. Blues around my head. Ain't no need to ask the reason why. Went to the kitchen. Lit a cigarette. Blew the smoke rings in the sky. Just got to let it go. Just got to let it go.

The song (or ramble) carries on like that for a while as we get to John reading the newspaper (keep this bit in mind, it might come in handy later):

Picked up the paper. Read the Daily News. Nothing doing anyway. Same old BS. Doot doot doot doot cruise. Nah nah nah nah now. Let go. Let it go. (laughs) No, what am I doing? Why don't you let it go? Why don't you let it go? Mm, it's real life. It's real. Yes, it's real life. It's real. Let go. Let the mighty river flow. Let go. Let go. Oh, rock your balls, you...

As we can see in the stanza above, John is bored and clearly agitated/embarrassed about something.

Then more stanzas about boredom and a lack of fulfilment wherever he goes and then we get to the stanza that everyone here is probably familiar with:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats)

If it don't feel right, don't do it. If it don't look right, look right through it If it don't feel right, don't do it. Just call him/them on the phone.

People go insane over this stanza and for good reason. It's a confession of lost intimacy with someone who:

Is clearly important to John

He is now more distant with

Is connected to babies or having a baby

Is connected to a farm

The mystery of course is, who is this person? Realistically, there is only really three people we know of who even somewhat fit these specific categories. Let's go through them:

First potential subject: Yoko!

This one has some legs. More than I was expecting. At this point John and her:

Do have an infant

Are purchasing a farm together (I think the sale went through 1978 so they should be talking about that in 1977.)

Distant from one another (their marriage was rocky throughout the mid-late 70s)

With Yoko as the subject, the stanza could be a reflection of their lost intimacy:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. - self explanatory, the yesterday here has no significance but to signify nostalgia. The dream in this circumstance could be the dream of their relationship, The Ballad of John and Yoko.

And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) - A long time has passed, they have a kid now. Now this takes some manipulation but is the farm 'the baby on the way'? The new shared project that will take further attention away from their marriage? The laugh might indicate a sense of irony there, a bitter joke. Yoko and John have struggled to conceive, Sean is very likely their only shared child. Is the laugh brought about by a sad reflection of the farm replacing the gap of children?

Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats) - we are in this marriage but we are alone OR why are we alone? Their marriage was a cocoon, all-consuming but stifling. Maybe both of them needed air from time-to-time.

So this stanza alone works quite well to be about Yoko, if you go quite metaphorical. It works somewhat with the beginning as well, he's down and depressed, over the state of their marriage? He needs to let something go, an argument? Is he waking up to the fact that reality isn't this marriage fantasy?

What it doesen't straightforwardly answer is why he is SO mad/embarrassed/avoidant of these feelings? In the records we have of their conversations, John is usually VERY vocal about not seeing Yoko enough. So why is he holding feelings of distance back and wanting to forget about it?

It also doesn't answer why the person he is calling in the following stanza on the phone is a him/them. (It's hard to hear at a normal volume. but if you are an insane person and blast your headphones to an ear bleeding level, it sounds a lot more like him than them. For the sake of caution and covering all bases however, let's consider both for now.) Why would he have reticence calling his wife or refer to her as them? In all accounts of that time period he has no issue calling her or hell, just going and talking to HIS WIFE who lives in their shared flat. It's a weird, dangling thread. The only explanation that would fit the stanza being inspired by Yoko is John realising he needs connection outside of his fading marriage. (I want to raise and partially dismiss here that it could just be a separate train of thought, a reminder to himself that he has to call someone for a chore/service. Yoko handled most of the admin stuff so its not like he's doing any of that and he isn't doing anything professionally so its unlikely to be a random call).

Second potential subject: May Pang!

Now I almost dismissed May outright but girl you know what, good for you, this might actually be about you! Our dear May is:

Important to John (she's also in the diaries and he dreams about sleeping with her a lot, he is REALLY into May)

Distant now he and Yoko are back together

But not baby nor farm adjacent

Taking May in mind, there is a certain logic there. John allegedly does dream about May and sleeping with May so whilst the Yesterday has no significance, the dreaming would. She was his romantic partner and still into her so holding in arms makes sense. The next lines also make sense if you follow the same logic as Yoko's but more distanced. Time has passed and his circumstances with the baby and the farm is now massively different to before, maybe he wants an escape from responsibility represented by May?

With May in mind, the stanzas work a lot better than it does Yoko. It's real life, he can't be with her and he's got to let it go. But he can't so he wants to call 'them'. Or maybe he's had a fight with Yoko and is being reminded of May in his agitation.

So May works from an emotional standpoint and as long as that last line is really 'them'. (It begs the question of why not 'her' but anyway.) As it stands, May seems like a stronger candidate than Yoko in terms of the songs emotional logic.

So currently, May is in the lead but wait ... there's another contender...

Third potential subject: Paul!

Now this one is I think the fan favourite opinion on this site for this song and there's merit to it. Paul is:

Important to John

Relationship now distant (but not apparently distant enough for John to ALLEGEDLY stop dedicating pagggess to him in his diary/meet for dinner when they are in town/visit for Christmas).

Doesen't have a baby but he is expecting one with Linda.

John's got problems and those problems are usually projected onto a Paul shaped target. But beneath all that, was there any softness left, any tenderness?

Well yes, its fucking John Lennon, the man was a giant marshmallow with knives sticking out.

But in this song? Let's look at the stanza with Paul in mind:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. - in the first line we have the 'oh shit Paul feelings incoming' klaxon of yesterday. Of course, John is allowed to reference yesterday without it necessarily being about Paul, but it's something to make a note of. Another is the dreaming. John often associates the Beatles/Paul with a dream, a fantasy, an illusion. Was his time with Paul/their closeness a dream? He is also ALLEGEDLY dreaming of Paul a lot during this period. The distance implied by yesterday also suggests a time period more applicable to Paul than Yoko/May.

The holding in arms with Paul in mind is ... well. There's no two ways about it it's unusual to think about a best friend like that. Taking out romantic implications for the sake of argument, firstly it doesn't have to be literal (just the idea of closeness) and second of all it would be like the fiftieth weirdest thing John said about Paul John has expressed similar sentiments of enjoying physical touch and closeness with a close mate.

And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) - also needs manipulation here but still works. John's got a baby with his wife now Paul has a baby on the way with his wife yet their lives are completely separate. John could also be talking in extremes, Paul has just had a kid now another (he exaggerates the number of kids Paul has often). Paul lives on a farm, which John has been very focused on before (stttreeetch but maybe this is a point of comparison, they are still mirroring each other). The laugh here in this reading is a acknowledgement of vulnerability of the feelings he's singing about.

Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats) - harder to reconcile with Paul but could be John's projection hours, I am feeling alone therefore Paul must ALSO be feeling alone (unagi or some shit).

So the stanza also works well if we take it to be about Paul. I've said this in a prev post but being about Paul also makes the rest of the song more coherent. John is upset about something he is trying to let go of but is struggling with, he references being everywhere yet remains depressed and troubled by something in his past. All of this fits with John's relationship with Paul. With Paul in mind, the call line at the end makes a lot more sense. He wants to call him, or them, his friends who he hasn't spoken to and misses.

The big supporting evidence for this one is of course the newspaper articles for the Daily News found by a user on here who has sadly deactivated.

To be honest, these are a bit of a holy grail find. With the newspaper articles in mind, a coherent, nearly perfect narrative falls neatly into place. John has woken up in a bad mood and upon reading the paper he sinks into a worse mood as he reflects back on his old time with the Beatles. He feels the need to let it go yet is resentful and embarrassed about doing so. The articles also explain a few oddities of the song, namely why John just comes out with the word cruise just after discussing the paper:

Picked up the paper. Read the Daily News. Nothing doing anyway. Same old BS. Doot doot doot doot cruise. Nah nah nah nah now. Let go. Let it go. (laughs) No, what am I doing? Why don't you let it go? Why don't you let it go? Mm, it's real life.

If we consider that the newspaper contained the article about cruises, it makes sense for it to come out as a subconscious/conscious association (have checked btw as the audio isn't clear and it's absolutely cruise, it's much clearer when you decide your hearing is worth less than a parasocial fascination with a dead dude). The newspaper containing info about Paul also illuminates the potential reference to Paul's song 'Suicide' in the Nothing Doing line and why the stanza seems to go off the rails once the newspaper is mentioned. It's all BS apparently (classic John defense mechanism in play) but once it gets brought up, John laughs, starts questioning what he's even doing writing this song and then gets angry with himself, cutting off the first half of the take. The derailment there could be he can't believe he's singing about the news OR that the newspaper contains the emotional point he's trying to get away from. He then does a few pithy lines about the beach and mountain before circling to actually what's bothering him, the lost intimacy with the person who has a baby on the way and renewed desire to call him. The way it all fits and slots together is borderline unreal.

Buuuuttt ... there's a problem. No matter how fitting, how magically perfect, how right-seeming a theory is, it doesen't necessarily mean it's true. For it to work fully, John would have had to have recorded this on one (or two at a stretch) specific day(s) out of the whole year. It could still be about Paul of course if you take out the newspaper article element, however there are other timing issues as well. According to Dogget, this demo should date to a recording collection from late 1977 when John was going through a depressive episode, the article is dated to early 1977. Shortening the window further, the Ono-Lennon's took a trip to Japan from Summer to October and the Mccartney's third child was born in September, meaning that if it is from late 1977, its unlikely to be about Paul.

Now Dogget could very well be mistaken and this demo is from earlier on in the year. From research, the only thing I could find about John and Yoko in February 1977 is them going to visit a friend a few hours away on the 16th, so from the limited evidence I have at my disposal, there isnt a reason why it couldn't have been produced in February (if anyone has any info on early 1977 please let me know and I'll amend accordingly). Additionally, John's moods were mercurial and his mental health never great, it wouldn't surprise me if he had bad days pretty consistently throughout the year.

To wrap this whole ass dissertation up, from the context within the song, context of the major players in his life, the emotional logic of the song and the repeated references in addition to the newspaper clipping, I am 70% confident that this demo is about Paul and that Dogget was incorrect in his attribution of the demo to late 1977. I believe instead that this was recorded in early 1977, specifically on February 9th 1977 as indicated in the newspaper article. However, I am more than willing to concede that I am working on less information than I would like about John's movements at that time in early 1977 and why Dogget placed all of these in the late 1977 grouping (I think just vibes but wasn't sure, the google books page had that bit blocked lol). Therefore I think that a less likely but still plausible second option is that the subject is May or even Yoko in late 1977 during John's extended period of depression.

Power to all of you who made it this far, let me know if you want me to take a hatchet to any more fandom darlings or if you have any thing to add! Also remember this is only my analysis so feel free to disagree (but like in a fun friendly way pls, it isn't that serious)!

[bisexualchaosdemon]

Do you think Jean is sex repulsed as a result of his trauma? The way he’s actively trying to repress his feelings of attraction to people is giving sex repulsed

I'll preface this by saying that I am in no way and expert of these things, but I wouldn't say that, no. He clearly experiences sexual attraction, and it's not that he doesn't want to act on it; it's more that he's scared? But would I be me if I didn't provide excessive evidence? No, let's gooooo

(The Sunshine Court, ch.11)

I think it's only fitting to start with Jean's beach party bi panic™️ he refers to his attraction to Laila as inappropriate and his attraction to Jeremy as dangerous. He's not disgusted by it, though? He just doesn't seem to think he's allowed to feel that way. He seems more frustrated than anything, I think. He's giving 'why is everyone fucking hot?!' vibes, like he thinks it's cruel because he thinks he's not allowed to do anything about it?

I do think that it's interesting that he doesn't deny it when confronted about it, though. Like, Jeremy straight up (no pun intended) calls him out on his very poorly concealed sexuality and he didn't bother to even try lying.

(The Sunshine Court, Ch.12)

Jean being unable to lie to Jeremy is a common theme, which I could rant about separately, but Jean caring more about Lucas insulting Jeremy's integrity than his friends knowing he's bi doesn't scream disgust or aversion to me. In fact, I may go as far as to say that this suggests that he isn't trying all that hard to repress his sexuality in the first place.

Jumping onto the next chapter, we've got some more of Jean's idea of what he is 'allowed' and him actively testing that boundary, just a tiny bit.

(The Sunshine Court, Ch.13)

Jean-Yves, my precious baby boy, you are allowed to feel how you feel! Personally, this isn't giving me sex repulsed vibes either, though. Yet again, this isn't about what he wants, it's about what he is allowed (Riko, I hope you are burning in hell 💕).

But even with the belief that he isn't allowed to be attracted to Jeremy, Jean still dips his toe in, just the tiniest bit. I'm hoping this is a taste of what's to come, and Jean will feel more able to try things as Jeremy continues to prove that their attraction to each other isn't inherently unsafe. The fact that he's testing it at all, and that he seems happy with the outcome, suggests to me that he may be open to trying things once he feels safe.

For my final point, we're sticking with chapter 13 for sex toy gate!

It might just be me, but this reaction doesn't give 'sex repulsed'. It's giving kid being teased by his friend or mortified by their older sibling. It's iconic, it's hilarious, he's a blushy little boy. I really hope that we see something more about this in tsc2. I think that, once he is done dying of embarrassment, Laila's thinking might not be too far off.

Riko is dead, Tetsuji is gone, Jean isn't imprisoned in the Nest anymore. He is free and safe to explore his sexuality and I think/hope we will get to see Jean realise this in the future. It has the potential to be really beautiful.

[fruitylo0pz]

A New Start pt. 1 (NSFW)

Larissa Weems x fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut (with some aftercare), NSFW, 18+, sub!Larissa, spanking, fingering, cunnilingus, degradation kink

Word count: ~3.7k

A/N: Okay, so this one turned out a lot longer than intended and has a bit of a slow buildup before the smutty part so it might not be for everyone. But I do hope whoever reads it will enjoy it! I actually liked writing it, and I found myself intrigued with Larissa being uptight and upper class and a bit of a prude. I think I just fell in love with the idea of Larissa being very "traditional" in the sense of being married to a man and then BOOM just having some sort of sapphic epiphany. I have proofread it, but as usual I post right before I'm off to bed so apologies for any mistakes.

____

Tall, blonde, beautiful and sophisticated. This must have been the fourth or the fifth time you had seen her at the store, and you had caught her staring each and every time. Whenever you looked back, she blushed and looked away as if she hadn’t just been eyeing you up. You smirked to yourself and this time you decided to pursue it, curious about the outcome. You hadn’t really ever done anything like this, but you had to shoot your shot with her.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. I usually don’t do this, but I’ve noticed you staring every time I’ve been in this store and I had to try. Here’s my address. It’s up to you, but you’re gorgeous and I’d love to have you over for a glass of wine.” You winked and gave her a note with your address and number. This was so out of character for you and it immediately sent a nervous wave down your body.

She hesitantly took it and put it in her pocket, and it almost appeared like she was afraid someone would notice. “I’m involved with someone. Whatever you thought you saw was not the case, but thank you. Flattering.” She blushed and seemed embarrassed by the interaction, and you decided to leave her be. You didn’t want to get her in trouble. You were relatively new in town, and realised that people probably knew who she was pretty well.

You went home and put on a random movie you found on Netflix, trying to forget about her dismissing you at the store. Why did she even take the note if she wasn’t interested? You really had hoped she was different, but why would she be? She seemed classy, and she probably was just as classy as she looked. You decided to pour yourself a glass of wine to wind down when the doorbell rang. It was getting pretty late, and you didn’t really even know anyone in town but you decided to open the door regardless. You had a few colleagues you were getting closer to at work so you figured it could be one of them. 

“Oh, I was not expecting to see you. Come in, please.” You were trying to wipe away your shocked expression when she walked inside, and she did not look happy. 

“What you did was assuming and inappropriate. I am in fact married, and walking around stores giving out your address to strangers is a bold thing to do. Are you always that confident?” She looked at you with a stern look, but there was something else hiding in the back of her eyes that you couldn't quite read. 

“So you went all the way over here to tell me that? You’re married, yet I found you staring and eyeing me up at the store numerous times. Forgive me for assuming anything at all, but if I was married, I wouldn’t do that. It’s a shame, because I could show you a very, very good time.” You winked and moved closer to her so she ended up backed up to the wall. 

“W-well… Yes. You shouldn’t have done it. I wasn’t staring, I was just looking. Pretty cocky, aren’t you? You don’t know what you could give me.” She was clearly nervous and looked at you with furrowed brows, but whatever her eyes were trying to hide was still there.

“You were looking several times. I’m not cocky, but it’s pretty easy to tell when someone gives you a brief glance or they look at you several times. You fit into that last category. But don’t worry. Glad we sorted this out, and I won’t keep you. Go home to your husband. ” You gave her a sarcastic smile while eyeing her up before you opened the door. She hesitated but left. 

You scoffed and shook your head. Why did she even bother showing up if she found herself so deeply offended by it? She could have thrown away the note and forgotten about the whole thing. Suddenly, the doorbell rings again and it’s her. 

“Now, you listen to me. Do you know who I am? I am the headmistress at Nevermore Academy, and I am used to a certain amount of respect around here.” She pointed a finger at you and you moved closer. 

“And I think you came here for a reason. I bet I could make you squirm within minutes. That uptight attitude does something to me.” Your eyes wandered down her perfect curves. She was wearing a cream white dress with matching heels. She looked stunning, but she probably always did. 

“You really have no idea who you’re dealing with. How dare you speak to me this way? I don’t know where you work, but I could have you fired within an hour.” She tried sounding intimidating and threatening, but she was blushing. Your words got to her, but she did not want to admit it. You were however not too happy about the way she spoke to you, like you were inferior. You pulled her inside and pushed her against the wall.

“Okay, headmistress who also seems to be running this town. I told you to forget about it. But you were the one who couldn’t keep your eyes to yourself. Quick advice for the future; control your staring so you don’t give people the wrong impression. Eyeing people up when you’re happily married? That’s pretty unusual too. I’ll leave you alone from now on, and I’ll make sure to leave the store if I see you. Okay? Now, if you’re done berating me, you’re free to leave.” Once again, you open the door but she doesn’t move. Whatever she was hiding in her eyes was becoming more apparent. It swam to the surface in her deep blue eyes. It was lust. You were right all along. 

Her entire demeanour changed. It was as if she let go of something that was holding her back, but she was still nervous. “I came here for a reason. And as for happily married? A man that doesn’t see me or love me? Frankly, I don’t love him either but in my position and him being an important businessman in this town breaking it off will just look bad. I have never been with a woman, and I have never found another female attractive, but there is something about you. Your confidence. The way you carry yourself.” She looked away, and she looked unhappy after talking about her unhappy marriage. Like she was ashamed of being trapped with someone who didn’t even care for her. 

You put a finger under her chin so she was forced to look at you. “I don’t understand how he can ignore someone like you, and not even look at you. You’re a goddess. You’re absolutely stunning. Do you think I go around handing out my address and phone number to strangers? I have never once done that before, but I found myself infatuated with you. I had to take a chance eventually. You should be worshipped.” You wiped a tear that fell from her eye. She wasn’t used to hearing words like that, you could tell that much.

“My name is Larissa. I realised I never told you that. And thank you for your kind words.” She smiled gently and blushed, and she clearly liked your compliments.

“Hi, Larissa. Very nice to meet you, and learn your name! I was just having a glass of wine. I realise I’m pretty much a stranger to you still, but would you care to join me?” You looked at her with a questioning look, hoping she would stay.

“Thank you, Y/N. That sounds lovely. It’s not like he would notice that I’m gone anyway.” She gave you a light chuckle and you helped her with her coat before guiding her to the sofa. You went to the kitchen to fetch a glass and the wine bottle before pouring her a glass.

“So, Larissa. Headmistress, huh? That’s pretty impressive. A colleague of mine told me about Nevermore. Sounds pretty cool! I think it’s great that you have a school for outcasts where they can be themselves. Society is too quick to judge people that deviate from what they think should be the norm.” You shook your head and took a sip of your wine.

She looked shocked at what you just said, like she had never heard anyone talk about outcasts without judgement or resentment. “I… Thank you. I should probably mention that I am a shapeshifter. And I am not used to anyone saying things that aren’t filled with disgust or hatred for us. Especially not a normie.” She gave you a soft look that almost screamed “thank you” and you could tell that she already felt more comfortable.

“A shapeshifter?! That is so cool! So you can shapeshift into anything you want?” You were genuinely excited about her confession, and you truthfully had always found outcasts interesting and fascinating, and you would always defend them if they were brought up in discussions. 

She laughed, and her laugh was so delightfully genuine and the most wonderful laugh you had ever heard “Yes, I can shapeshift into anything I want. It’s not a power I use very often, but it can come in handy at times. But enough about me. What about you? What brought you to Jericho?” She put her elbow up on the back of the sofa and leaned her head on her hand. She looked curious and like she really wanted to know more about you, and not like she had asked as a form of courtesy. 

“My girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend, and I don’t really have any family I talk to. I needed a new start, and I was looking to get as far away as possible and ended up here. I work as a web developer, and I found a job with a company here. And that’s how I ended up in Jericho! I really like it so far.” Thinking about your ex annoyed you, and talking about her made you even more annoyed. 

She looked at you with an almost horrified look on her face. “Y/N, that is terrible. But on the other hand, they both showed you who they really are, and I’m glad you got away from them. But I am sorry to hear that you don’t have any close ones. Aren’t you lonely? Being in a new town all alone?” She moved slightly closer, still with a horrified and almost sad look on her face. 

“I am an introvert so I enjoy my own company. I haven’t been in touch with my family for years and they don’t accept me for who I am. When I came out, they gave me an hour to pack up my things and I never looked back. I’d rather be alone in a new town than with people who can’t accept me for who I am.” You gave her a reassuring look, and noticed that she had moved even closer again. She was looking intently at you, almost as if she wanted to give you all the caring and love she felt like you had been missing.

“You went through more than you deserved. I might not know you that well, but I can tell that you’re a wonderful human being. You should always be able to be yourself, and no one should judge you for that.” She took your hand in hers and you twitched at the touch. Her skin was soft and warm, and it felt like electric shocks pulsated through your body.

“It’s fine now, I feel nothing when I think about them. I am better off without them. But thank you, truly. You’re a beautiful human being yourself.” You felt liberated in her presence, and it was so easy to talk to her. She was so different than she had first seemed, and you thought it might be the wine but mostly it felt like she just let go of the outer shell she so often had to carry.

She moved even closer and her eyes met yours in an intense stare before she gently grabbed your hand again. “Did you really mean those things you said to me? Those… Those nice things?” She blushed and looked down, still holding your hand. 

“I did, Larissa. I think you’re absolutely breathtaking, and I also do believe that you should be worshipped like the goddess you are.” You moved slightly closer and rubbed the back of her hand with your thumb to show her that you meant it. She seemed insecure, even though you had no idea how that was even possible.

“Would you… Uh… Show me?” She looked at you with the most genuinely innocent look you had ever seen and it made your core tense up into a string of heat immediately. 

You leaned forward to kiss her, and she eagerly responded and let out a whimper into your mouth before your tongues started dancing in a slow, intense dance. It felt so right, so warm and so filled to the brim with sparks and emotions. 

“I’ll show you. Just be a good girl and follow my lead, and I’ll make you feel things you have never felt before.” Your lips swept gently down her jaw towards her neck before you left tender kisses and she let out a deep groan. Your hand moved to her back and you were about to pull down the zipper to her dress when she pulled away. 

“I… I don’t think I can do this. What do you want with an older lady like me? You should find someone your own age.” She fiddled with her hands and looked down.

“Larissa, I want you. If I wanted someone else, I wouldn’t have left my address with you. Now, please… Let me take care of you. Let me see you. Let me feel you. Let me taste you.” Your hand gently cupped her chin and she looked you in the eyes.

She blushed and gave you a smirk you didn’t know you had been waiting for, but it was all you needed in that moment “I don’t have any clue what to do, but… Your words make me feel things I have never felt before. If you want to see me… Let me show you. Take me to bed?” She got up and you followed her before grabbing her hand and taking her upstairs to your bedroom.

“I do want to see you, so please… Show me, if you want to. If you don’t, there is no pressure.” You let your hand gently stroke her cheek so she knew that she really didn’t have to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with. 

She pushed you down on the bed and the lust in her eyes filled them entirely. “Tell me what to do. I want you to use me.” She bit her lip and her hand wandered from her neck and down her body. 

“If you’re absolutely sure, I will gladly tell you what to do. Use the word “torch” if you want me to stop or you’re feeling uncomfortable in any way, okay?” You took her hands as a way of showing her that her feeling safe was important to you. 

“I will use the word “torch” if I’m uncomfortable. And I am absolutely sure. Now please… Use me like the dirty whore I am for you.” Her words made your eyelids flutter, and hearing her say something so filthy with her heavenly voice and that accent was almost too overwhelming.

“Strip for me. All of it.” Your voice was firm, and you leaned back on your elbows, following her every move. 

She reached to her back and pulled down the zipper. The way she looked at you with a sweet mixture of innocence and desire drove you absolutely insane. She had been an uptight upper class lady an hour ago, and now she was referring to herself as your dirty whore. She let her dress fall to the floor, and you found yourself in awe, mouth agape with hunger for her. She unclasped her bra and pulled down her panties while gently rolling her hips. 

She moved closer and discreetly spread her legs a bit as an invitation. Your reassurance and compliments had wiped away her insecurity and it thrilled you. She should feel like the goddess she is, and she should feel appreciated. “Please touch me.” The tone of her voice was filled with a lustful desperation, and you couldn’t control yourself any longer.

“On the bed. Spread your legs.” You watched as she crawled onto the bed and laid down before spreading her legs. Her inner thighs were dripping with her arousal and you got on your knees between her legs before leaning down to kiss her chest. Your mouth drew a trail towards her breast before you bit her nipple and she whimpered. Your hand travelled down her stomach before it found her mound and you groaned when you felt how wet she was. Your fingers started drawing lazy circles on her clit and her breathing got heavier. 

You continued kissing down her stomach, and she was already twitching underneath you. Her skin was soft and warm, and you could feel her legs spreading more and more before your lips found her clit and you gently sucked it. “Mhh, Larissa. You taste so fucking good.” She gasped, and you let your tongue trail up her slit before you started circling her clit in slow circles while you shifted position and let your fingers trace her entrance. 

Your tongue picked up the pace a bit and you felt her fingers in your hair. You let two fingers slide slowly inside her and her walls immediately clenched around you as she once again gasped and let out a filthy moan. “Oh, Y/N… I need more, p-please.” You added another finger and she screamed out, meeting you in the thrusts. Your tongue kept working on her clit while your fingers pumped hard and deep. The way she was clenching let you know that she was close and you shifted position a bit so you got closer and your tongue started circling harder on her clit. Her moans became louder and louder until she began squirming and shivering as she exploded in a loud orgasm and released a warm wave of her sweet arousal over your fingers while screaming your name. You let her ride it out and slowly pulled out your fingers when she had calmed down enough. 

Suddenly, she turned over and got up on her knees. “Please. More.” She looked at you and begged you with her eyes.

“Aren’t you a desperate little whore for me, hm? Can’t get enough, can you?” You spanked her and she whimpered.

“No, I can’t get enough. Please fuck me. Make me yours. Use me, use me like I’m your toy.” She spread her legs, and you shoved your fingers inside her soaked cunt. You started thrusting hard and deep right away and it was an exhilarating feeling having her in your complete and utter power and on her knees before you. It didn’t take long before you could sense that she was close again, and you spanked her before fucking her harder. She tipped over the edge and came in a loud orgasm, and you continued fucking her to her delight. 

Her eyelids fluttered and she was panting while her arousal poured down your hand with every thrust, and her orgasms kept coming as her legs spread more and more. She clearly loved being used by you as she cried out in whimpers and moans while coming over and over again, each and every orgasm just as loud and intense. Eventually, you could tell that she was overstimulated and exhausted and you let her ride out her last orgasm before you gently pulled out your fingers and leaned forward to kiss her back. 

You went to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth before gently cleaning her up. She had moved to the side of the bed when you came back and she smiled when you looked at her. “Y/N… That was incredible. I don’t know what else to say. No one has ever… Well… With their tongue…” She blushed and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek.

“How on earth is that possible? Well, I am honoured to have been the first, because you taste like heaven.” You winked and kissed her before stroking her cheek. She blushed at your words and chuckled lightly. 

“Thank you, Y/N. For making me feel the way you made me feel. No one has ever made me feel this desired before. This is the craziest thing I have ever done, but nothing has ever felt so right.” She looked like she was in complete awe, and she stroked your cheek. Her touch was so soft and caring, it almost made you melt. 

“I am so glad I handed you that note, no matter how inappropriate it might have been. Oh, and… Would you like to stay the night? Or do you have to go?” You looked at her with a look that you hoped told her that you were dying for her to stay. 

She looked at the time and sighed. “I’m afraid I have to leave. But if you’re free tomorrow, perhaps you would like to come and keep me company when you finish work? I have a long workday tomorrow, and I have a private flat at the academy for when I have busy days. I know it’s unfair, but I’m afraid this is how things will have to be, at least for now.” She stroked your cheek again, as though she was trying to apologise. 

“I would love to, Larissa. The thought of fucking you in your office is a very thrilling thought.” You gave her a sly wink and she chuckled. 

She got dressed and you followed her downstairs. You took a peek out the window and made sure no one would see her leaving. She leaned down to kiss you again and looked into your eyes before moving towards your ear. “It’s as if I can still feel your fingers inside me, Y/N. I’ll dress up nicely for you tomorrow.” She bit your ear, sending shivers down your spine. You had awakened something in her, and you were the only one who could feed it. 

[aspiringtrashpanda]

✨spoopy✨ Find the prompt list HERE.

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

DAY 24 Prompt: Graveyard What happens to a demon's soul after death?

When a demon dies, the process is about as one would expect. Those close to the deceased retrieve the body, select a plot in one of the graveyards, and hold a funeral by the light of the moon. As in most communities, status is relevant, those of noble birth laid to rest within the grounds of The Royal Tomb, while lesser demons scrounge for space in the cramped public fields. Needless to say, burning bodies upon a pyre and enchanting the ashes into sentimental items was becoming more popular by the century.  

It is worth noting, however, that in many human traditions, traditional funerals are designed to aid the soul to the after life. Considering that a demon’s soul remains hidden, outside of their corporeal form, then one must ask: What occurs to a demon’s soul when they pass on?

Barbatos still remembers the first death of a demon. He had been…Perhaps two thousand and three years old? Certainly young enough to enjoy a nomadic lifestyle, while old enough to have birthed the Fountain of Knowledge. 

“Hey, Barbatos?” Candy had poked her head into the kitchen. Well, kitchen-in-progress. The Reaper’s Cave, at this point in time, consisted of a cluster of half-empty rooms branching off from the core spring through which his wisdom flowed. If he recalled correctly, they had built a kitchen, a bathroom, a sitting area, and four bedrooms, an unexpected home expanding before Barbatos’s very eyes. 

He had never anticipated their little community–the recovering sorcerer, the reaper, her younger sister, and him–though he was beginning to experience a warmth in his chest whenever he laid eyes on one of the members. He had known he would be summoned by a dying Solomon, had known all of the possible outcomes, and had decided that he saw the most potential in his current timeline. He had thought it best for the future of the universe, nothing more. However, time seemed to warp the longer he remained sheltered with the two reapers. There were times it felt slow, honey-thick, and times that it felt fizzy and rushed. The passage of time was steadily becoming more bearable. Maybe he had been lonelier than he had thought. 

Regardless, Barbatos had glanced up from the dough he was kneading atop a flour-spotted counter to fix Candy with a curious gaze. 

She held a book in her hand, a nondescript thing with plain leather binding. “Did you leave this in my room?”

He frowned, pausing his gentle push and pull of the dough to wipe his hands, to flip through the pages when she tossed it in his direction. 

“Interesting,” Barbatos hummed, eyes flicking this way and that as he absorbed the large sections of text, the diagrams and illustrations. It read like a deeply personal autobiography. Not one written to be consumed, but one written to record. 

“Yes?” Candy’s foot tapped impatiently in the doorway, a certain gleam in her stare that told Barbatos far more than she had intended to share. “Are you going to tell me what’s interesting about it?”

“You say that like you haven’t already noticed,” He responded, snapping the book shut. “If you’re seeking confirmation, you need only ask.”

“It’s a grimoire, right?”

“Indeed.”

“But,” She hesitated, and Barbatos found himself hoping that she had noticed the same little detail that had caught himself off guard. “Grimoires have a cover. A rune and infernal script detailing the demon’s name. This one is just…blank.”

There it was. That warmth again. Was this how it felt to be proud of someone?

Barbatos brought the book closer to the candle flame flickering on the small table they often used for meals. In the warm light, it became clear that the binding was sleek, flawless, as if the cover was brand new. Bizarre, as the papers within were stained with age. 

This demon had clearly lived a while–Oh. Heart picking up speed in his chest, his mind already whirring to fit the answers into the missing pieces of their jigsaw, Barbatos flipped to the back of the book. 

“The demon perished,” and despite his surprise, he managed to sound relatively confident.  

It was quiet for a moment, Candy turning his words over in her head before countering, “I didn’t realize demons could die.”

“Immortality does not always save those from acts of malevolence,” Barbatos reasoned, finger tracing over the cause of death penned on the last page. “It is possible we may still fall victim to illness and injury.” 

“You haven’t seen this in the future?” 

Barbatos exhaled slowly. Candy loved to pepper him with questions about the timelines. Really, he should have expected such an ask. Just as she should have expected his repeated answer,  “Imagine, for a moment, that you could visit any time, any moment that exists in the past and future of our universe. Imagine that–”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes. It’s overwhelming. Yada yada yada.”

“Precisely.” Yet, the familiar manner in which she waved him off only endeared him further. “I learned long ago to exist in the present as much as I possibly can, lest lose my sanity.” 

With a nod, Candy snatched the book from his hands, idly flipping through it as she jerked her head back the way she came. “Thus the Fountain of Knowledge.” 

“I’m pleased to hear you have been listening.” 

“Of course I have! It’s my sister who’s the troublemaker.” She stuck her tongue out, and Barbatos couldn’t help but notice the family resemblance. Pausing at the last paragraph, Candy frowned. “So…This is what happens when a demon dies? Their grimoire remains tangible?”

Barbatos considered her words, the memory of the book’s weight in his hand, the pages detailing the life of a being no longer on this plane of existence. “I believe we’ll need to build another room.”

And now, some millennia later, Barbatos stands before shelves upon shelves of grimoires bearing blank covers, filed in alphabetical order using the name penned within the binding. Countless lives lost to the Great Celestial War, to subsequent fall out, to famine, and plague, and summonings gone wrong. Their spirits live on within the halls of the Reaper’s Cave, just outside the Fountain of Knowledge. Why the grimoires chose such a home, Barbatos isn’t sure. Regardless, he feels he’s responsible for ensuring their safety post-mortem. 

It isn’t the first time he considers expanding. Thirteen has been pestering him about adding a new room for the deceased, as well as another lab for her experiments. The traps are evolving, becoming grander than he can even fathom, and he is sure that she hopes to accidentally maim Solomon eventually. 

He isn’t sure if he should prevent that, or simply make himself available to nurse the sorcerer back to health. Perhaps a jab at his ego is necessary, these days. However, Thirteen's tinkering is not what prompted his visit to the Other World. No, he’s come to pay his respects.

A willowy woman passes in his peripheral. Barbatos does not bother spinning on his heel. He already knows she will be long gone. Thirteen claims they keep her company, that the Reaper’s Cave doesn’t long for Solomon and Barbatos in the slightest. Solomon tells him that she’s lying. She can’t sleep at night, the thousands of invisible eyes longing for her flesh and blood. If anyone is jealous, it’s them.

Barbatos feels static dance upon the back of his neck, an ominous chill sweeping through the massive graveyard among the shelves. The candle in his hand flickers, but the light is not snuffed out. 

“Can I help you?” He keeps his voice calm, polite. 

There is no audible answer, though the grimoires shudder in their rows, the eyes of Candy’s old portrait following Barbatos as he approaches the bookcase. A gloved finger traces that blank leather binding, old and weathered, nestled in the very first spot to the left of the top row. 

“I am going to get you some more space soon,” He whispers. 

Another blast of cold air. This time, the candle’s flame is extinguished. Barbatos laughs, “And a space heater.”

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

OBEY ME! MONTH MASTERLIST

[missbubblesoda]

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (21)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (22) | (23) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26) | (27)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters.) no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 2.4k

“Are you going to him?”

“Commander?”

“Are you going to meet him now?”

Authoritative. Overbearing. Rude. Those were not words you would’ve used to describe his tone. How could you, when there was nothing to describe? His voice was just empty, dry and cold. Much like the winter you could see inside his eyes.

“Who?” You asked, unable to think of anything other than how this was the first time you had locked eyes with him in what felt like a lifetime. And things had surely changed in there. Traces of that dependable kindness you remembered, or that ever-present warmth you always found in him, were nowhere to be seen, but there was something new in their place. And, although you weren’t exactly sure what it was, one thing was for certain: you didn’t like it. “If you could explain, maybe I-”

“I asked you a question.” He spoke calmly and clearly, in a quiet and monotone voice. The type that is typically used when kindly disagreeing with strangers, because it is hard to imagine someone could get offended by it.

Yet you did.

You did, because never before, not even back then when you were perfect strangers who had never shared a bed, had his voice sounded so impersonal, flat, and devoid.

And it hurt.

So very much.

His voice, like the gentle tapping of raindrops on the roof an early Sunday morning, like the gleeful ring of the school bell right before the summer begins, that caramel voice he had always used with you, a voice that was just as easy to fall in love with as it was on the ears… had never sounded so dull and toneless before. Almost as if it belonged to somebody else, to someone else’s boss maybe, one who was very tired, and very dissatisfied with his assistant’s performance.

Could it be that in the end, hundreds of nights after you started working for him, just when you thought you had it all figured out… Could if be that finally the inevitable had happened? Did you end up disappointing him after all? Regardless of how hard you had tried to avoid such an outcome?

No.

You refused.

You had worked so hard to prove yourself wrong. To show yourself that, even though you didn’t have Mikasa’s skill, Reiner’s strength, Eren’s determination, Jean’s leadership, Sasha’s charisma, or Armin’s wits, you had whatever was left, and for eight months at least, that had seemed to be good enough.

It was here, at the Survey Corps, as his assistant, where you had finally been given a taste of confidence, and for the first time in a lifetime of self doubt, felt like you belonged, like you were enough. So no, you refused to let today become the day that was going to change.

And like so, you tried to search for an answer through the confusing haze that was your head, you tried to search for clues despite the invisible chord tightly wrapped around your neck. And, in such state of distress, there was only one you could think of.

“Leon?” When the name left your lips, you swore you saw something flicker in his eyes, maybe an indication that your guess was correct. And you didn’t know if he found your answer helpful, because in your case, it only left you with even more questions. “I- Commander I don’t understand. Why does it matter?”

“That’s an answer I was hoping I could get from you.” He replied, very matter-of-factly, and you wished he would show some sort of emotion, raise his voice, frown, click his tongue, shake his head, anything, so you could at least get a clue of where this conversation was heading to. Because right now you had no idea where Leon fit into this.

And no, by the way, you weren’t going to meet him. Turns out you and him didn’t have a lot to talk about after all, unlike what Lord Koch had suggested. You enjoyed his fascinating tales and refreshing perspectives for about an hour or so. Then, you drank some tea in the dining hall, where he asked for your opinion on some poem he had written on his way here, and after that, you took him to see Jean, with whom apparently he did have a lot to talk about. And although they were both too polite to explicitly ask you to leave, you read the room, and it told you in capital letters that they needed space to catch up. And like so, you had decided to retreat to your office, where for some reason only the Commander seemed to know, you were currently being interrogated about whether you had plans to meet your friend that night.

“I’m not going t-” Wait. You stopped in your tracks, letting the sudden idea cross your mind first so it wouldn’t run you over. “Do you think that-? Oh. Commander- I- there’s nothing between us. He’s just a friend.”

“Is that so?” He replied, and it only took one peek into his midnight eyes to know that he didn’t believe you. “If that’s the case, then why did he-”

He seemed to reconsider his options just seconds before completing his sentence, choosing instead a long sigh as replacement for whatever words were supposed to come out of his lips. And you swore he had never looked and sounded so exhausted before.

“Forgive me. It was never my place to ask questions I probably made you very uncomfortable with.” Being the artful, calculating leader of the Survey Corps, he knew very well how to compose himself swiftly and without leaving any emotional traces. “You may go.” He sure knew how to choose his battles and when to retreat.

But that was him. Not you.

“No.” You said, surprising even yourself. “Then why what? What is it that you wanted to ask?” You tried to watch the tone of your words. He was your boss, after all. But it was not easy, and you wondered if this was the same kind of frustration the sun feels when it tries to shine but clouds just keep getting on its way. “What makes you think that there’s something between Leon and I?”

He didn’t answer, choosing to stare at you instead. And if he was trying to read you, then it was certainly a fair game, because you were doing just the same. Only that, it wasn’t easy to see anything beyond the darkness in his eyes.

It would be so simple, to fix things. He just needed to tell you why he thought there was something between you and Leon, and then you could sort it out. Then, you could explain to him why he was wrong. Whatever the misunderstanding, you were sure that if given the chance to explain, he would understand. He would understand that Leon was just a friend, that you weren’t even that close, and that a small present didn-

“A box of figs?” You suddenly asked, praying that this wasn’t the answer, because the idea made you feel like it was lava flowing through your veins. “Is this about the figs? Because if it is-” You snorted and looked at the ceiling, in part because you wished you could find another, more logical answer there, but more so because you needed to contain whatever emotions were threatening to spill out of your eyes. “Do you think I’m going to fall in love with him because he gave some candies?” You still weren’t ready to look at him, but you needed his eyes to answer the question you were about to ask. You knew they wouldn’t lie. So, against any type of survival instinct and without any kind of protection, you ventured into the snow storm that were his eyes. “Do you think I fell for you because you bought me a damn box of figs? Didn’t know I looked that easy.”

“You know that’s not-”

“Then what?!”

“Of course it’s not about the figs.” He stood up abruptly, and the change in his voice told you that there was something else. Maybe a lot more, judging by the closed fist now hanging to his side.

You wanted to be patient. To stay calm, and polite, and collected, and all those pretty adjectives they say you need in order for communication to flourish. But, as you looked into his eyes, you only felt more and more hurt.

To think you had spent the last few nights wide awake, asking the ceiling why he didn’t love you back, not daring to close your eyes because every time you did, you only saw him, smiling in sepia flashbacks of what once was, but wasn’t anymore. And yet, here he was, questioning your loyalty and whether you were seeing another man behind his back.

It was suffocating. Staying in this room, where even the air screamed his name. But if that was the issue, then you weren’t sure there was a place you could escape to. Because, even when it came to your own body, you struggled to think of a single patch of skin he hadn’t kissed, a single part of yourself where his touch didn’t linger.

“You know what. I wasn’t going to meet him, but now I might.” You heard a wry snort escape your lips, just in time for your vision to get blurry. “Because being with a friend is better anyway than going to my room to spend another night crying about you.” You took a step towards the door, but turned around when you heard him push his chair back. “It’s so unfair, you know. So unbelievably unfair.” The cracks in your voice warned you that if you kept talking you were going to break, but if you didn’t tell him now then when? “All I do is think about you, day and night, and you think I can’t wait to finish my shift so I can spend time with another man? You know how unbelievably un-”

“And you think it’s easy for me?” He took a step closer. And now that the desk wasn’t in between, you felt even more vulnerable. “One moment I’m holding you and you’re calling me by my name, and the next, you’re not even looking my way. And then-” He shook his head slightly, as if trying to shake off the urge to say more. And you were honestly done begging him to tell you what it was. “I agree. It’s so unfair.”

“And do you think I just woke up one day and said ‘you know what, I’m going to ignore him’?” You hated it. How even in this situation, your body craved his touch, his scent, his lips. “Do you think I wanted this to stop?” And how bad you needed him to hold you right now. “What we had.” Like the first time, so many nights ago, in the Forest of Giant Trees. “Whatever it was.” You hated how tempted you were to throw yourself into his arms, bury your face in his chest and cry. “Do you think I would purposely ruin it all up?” Cry until his white shirt was all wet, and disgusting, and messed up. “The early mornings, the rainy afternoons, even the late night shifts…” You hated that you wanted him to run a soothing hand across your back and tell you that it was going to be okay. That this wasn’t the end. “…The good nights.” Oh, the good nights… you hated how bad you missed the sight of his bare back under the moonlight, left cheek squished against the pillow, freckles on his shoulders like stars on the midnight sky. “The sex.”

And most of all, you hated how little sense it all made. Why did it have to end when there was still so much left? Why did you have to close the book when there were still entire chapters you wanted to write? And why were your lungs acting as if you had just outrun a horde of titans, when your feet had been planted there the whole time?

In front of him.

Close to his warm body.

So close it took him less than a second to pull you by the waist, and make you lean against the desk, your chest rising and falling against his, in clumsy attempts to manage whatever little oxygen was available in the room. And it was either the lack of air, or the hard wood uncomfortably poking the back of your thighs, but your legs felt as firm as a house of cards. And, anticipating they would give in anytime now, your hands promptly reached for the firm, solid muscles of his chest.

And there in his hold, with his heart beating under your palm, and your insides feeling as fizzy as the contents of the glasses some merrier souls were clinking at the dining hall just a few rooms away, you realized his eyes were mirroring back the same questions you had been asking just moments ago.

There in his hold, with his strong arm possessively wrapped around your waist, and his left thigh finding its way between your legs, you felt reclaimed, like a crumpled up piece of paper that had been picked up again after spending countless nights discarded on the cold floor.

His glacial eyes were to your skin what raindrops to the cobblestones on the hottest day of the summer, and as you stared into them, realized it had been ages since you had seen the color blue. And now that you looked closer, close enough to see the speckles of brown in his irises, you weren’t actually sure if there was something new in there, or if something was missing instead. What had he seen today in the field? What had he learned out there? Or perhaps, what had he lost?

“What happened?” Determined to find out, you placed the question against his lips. Softly, like the kisses he would cover you in not too many nights ago.

“Erwin.” His name left your lips like a plea, almost as if it held the key to all the answers you were looking for.

But the only thing you got for a reply, was his hand on the back of your neck, so warm it burned, his thumb pushing your jaw and tilting your head back, leaving your neck completely exposed to him.

“You.” His lips whispered against the tender skin of your neck, making it impossible for you to resist the need to lean against the thick, well-muscled thigh that he, always the gentleman, had so readily provided between your legs. “That’s what happened.”

-

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @mchlist @angelaevangelion @depitaangeline @ynackerman9499 @afatalheat @pumpkin-toffee @velouria17 @gassytritis @goddessinsweats @nube55 @jeanboyjean @crazychaoticizzy @braunsbabe @erwinawesomeness @apts2000 @lucifers-nipple-piercing

[sixx-writes]

                                                                        Desire II

Frieza x Reader

Word Count: 1,934

cw: choking, noncon, pheromones, size difference, second form frieza, rough sex, vaginal fingering, stomach bulge, creampie, pwp, forced orgasm

AO3 Version | Masterlist

Summary: Frieza is in heat and reader ends up being the one to ‘help out’. PWP. Straight into the lewd this time lads hehe.

Part One

18+ ONLY NSFW BELOW

It's thrilling to imagine that you were most likely the first of any species that Frieza had fucked. It certainly seems that way with how he's selfishly taking his own pleasure without a care for your own fragile human needs. He's clearly getting off on how you tighten around his cock each time his tail constricts around your throat, using it to lift you up and down along with the movements of his hips, a lascivious smirk twisting his full black lips.

Still, this was Frieza, the most selfish prick in the universe, and even if he'd fucked a hundred before you the outcome would probably be the same.

You'd lost count of how many times he'd emptied himself inside you in this way. Three? Four? You were out of your mind for the last two times that you were aware of so it could have been more and he showed no signs of tiring. Whether he was bored or had thought of a new way to torture you his tail uncoiled from around your throat and you all but fell off of him to the side with a weak cry into the soiled sheets.

You gasped down lungfuls of air as your oxygen deprived brain righted itself. Through hazy eyes you thought you saw Frieza strolling around the bed before he began powering up until reaching a new transformation right in front of you.

In all your time as a soldier you had never seen Frieza in any of his other forms and now you were rightfully terrified of what he intended to do with you.

He was absolutely demonic with his intimidating height and much larger horns you blanched at the sight of it.

"I've had an epiphany during our time together," he mused, his voice deeper than before, sending chills down your back, "perhaps in my suppressed state I cannot fully experience my release. So, I wondered what would happen if I did this. Since you've so enthusiastically volunteered yourself I'm sure you are as excited as I am to explore this fully."

Frieza wore a wicked smirk and your eyes drifted down to his, Gods above, much larger cock that pulsed angrily with unsated lust. Even as slicked inside and out as you were it was frightening to think of Frieza trying to force himself inside you as much as it excited you.

You were paralyzed when he approached you again and it wasn't until his hand clamped down around your ankle in an inescapable manacle that you snapped out of it and tried to struggle pleading the entire time, "Please, Lord Frieza, it won't fit. Allow me to use my hands or mouth at least."

Nervousness made you act foolishly as it was never the right decision to deny Frieza anything that he desired, but he merely chuckled at your change in attitude, "What's wrong? There's no point in running away now is there? Not when you so obviously want this as well."

You jumped at the sensation of his tail trailing through the fresh slick mingling with his cum between your legs and you had to bite back a whimper. Perhaps he found your hesitance charming because he seemed more relaxed than before, almost playful. In a movement so fast that your head was left spinning you were turned over and your armor was suddenly gone from your lower half making you gasp.

Your cunt was fully on display from behind and Frieza ran his fingers along your folds parting them and learning your flesh for the first time. Humans had never interested the emperor as they reminded him too much of the saiyans that he despised so greatly and until now he had only felt disgust at the mere thought of copulating with them.

You, however, sparked a new interest in Frieza's cold heart that perhaps there was something to your species after all. The way you fluttered around his fingers when he slipped them deeper sparked something primal within him and he would have to take great care not to break you too early.

You bit back a whine as his thick fingers filled you nearly as much as his cock had in his first form, even in the inexperienced way that he probed your insides it still brought pleasure in your over-sensitized state. Frieza seemed to catch on quickly to your reactions, how you liked it when he stroked that uniquely textured spot along the ceiling of your cunt, unable to hold back your mewls.

His thumb accidentally grazed your clit and you moaned loudly trying to seek friction already so close but needing more. Frieza caught onto this immediately as well pinching the engorged nub and smearing it with your fluids. Your orgasm was nearly painful from being touched too roughly and your mouth dropped open in a soundless scream while he continued toying between your legs well past the point of over-stimulation.

"S-Stop," you choked out, feeling your eyes start to burn with unshed tears.

Again, Frieza surprised you by listening, ending the onslaught on your cunt. You turned to see what he had planned next and felt nearly delirious seeing his purple tongue sliding along those same fingers that were just inside you. His eyes were filled with an intensity that made your fear return like a lead weight in your stomach.

Especially with how his behavior was becoming noticeably less controlled with the way he stroked himself shamelessly and buried those fingers in his mouth with a low growl sucking until there was nothing left on them. It was both horrifying and horrifyingly erotic knowing how easily he could hurt you right then without even meaning to but those same feelings of fear only made you more excited. You silently cursed your own weakness.

Frieza noticed you staring and he grinned knowingly, "My turn."

You had believed he intended to take you from behind but his tail wound around your wrists knocking you flat before lifting you into the air with a startled squeak. Your back hit something hard, his chest, leaving you suspended over his cock while his lips ghosted along your throat. This new position was far too intimate and you couldn't help the flush that crept up on your cheeks and across your chest.

Frieza's hands were on your body again, this time removing the rest of your armor without any care for if it survived or not, easily breaking the straps of your chest piece until you were left fully nude. One big hand slid along your ribs until finding a breast and you gasped feeling your nipple harden under his palm. Like everything else about you Frieza focused his attention on this new discovery, squeezing and kneading pliant flesh, while your shoulders burned as if they would be torn from the sockets.

You were conflicted, panting, and could feel pulsating cool flesh brushing against your nether lips so near to having Frieza's cock back inside you that it had you salivating in anticipation. You were grateful when he stopped abusing your breasts and gripped your thighs from beneath, spreading your legs so there was no escape from what came next, the head of his cock starting to breach you.

"You should relax or this will hurt much worse," Frieza purred into your skin making you shudder.

 Easy for you to say..

How you weren't supposed to be tense in this situation was beyond you, although you did try, the first pop of his cock past your entrance made you hiss in pain. The stretch pushed you to the edges of your limits and he wasn't even halfway in yet. Frieza's hands flexed around your thighs while his own limits were being tested as he struggled not to claim your cunt fully in one stroke.

If you were torn you would have to be sent away to the healing tank and that would take time he didn't care to waste. Not when he could savor your velvety walls around him instead. Besides that, Frieza enjoyed the little noises you made when you came, or when he touched you in just the right way. It was more appealing than imagining your screams of pain and was very effective at quelling his urges. Although not nearly as effective as filling you with his seed over and over. The sight of your swollen little cunt dripping with his essence was truly delicious and something he could get used to.

Allowing his thoughts to drift in such a way Frieza couldn't stop his hips from reacting forcing in a few more inches that made you sob and arch your back overwhelmed.

"Gods, fuck, ah-"

Frieza's fingers returned to your clit molding your suffering into something so intense it scared you. It felt like you needed to relieve yourself, the familiar sensation of needing to urinate building, and you couldn't get the words out to warn him. Not with the way his fingers moved relentlessly against you faster and faster - fuck if he wasn't already too good at knowing how to touch you - until you fell apart spraying fluid from between your legs.

He groaned at the irresistible sensation of being milked by the tightly stretched confines of your cunt, finally brought to his own limit, he started to move inside you while you babbled uselessly for him to stop and wait just a few minutes more giving you no time to recover from what had just happened.

Frieza's primal instinct to breed you had finally won the battle and your words fell on deaf ears. Truthfully, it no longer hurt, and the pressure inside you had already shifted into blistering ecstasy leaving you a drooling moaning mess. His massive cock stimulated new places that had never been touched before and you were certain you had lost your mind already.

"Shall I show you something special?" Frieza said trailing his tongue along your pulse to taste your sweat. You were such an intoxicating thing for him with the way your arousal leaked from your very pores turning his claiming of your cunt violent. Wet slaps filled your ears as he took out his frustration on your body and you struggled to find your voice.

"Y..es.." you choked out and felt him grin against your throat.

Inside you, the shape of him changed, punching all the air out of your lungs as Frieza's cock grew even thicker. You screamed trying to twist away absolutely certain you would turn inside out at that point if you didn't. His hands clamped down around your waist halting your movements before he started using you like a literal sex toy, easily manhandling you up and down his length without moving his hips. You were reduced to Frieza's living fleshlight and he reveled in the bulge of his cock beneath your skin where it pressed at his fingers on each downward thrust.

Most of all, Frieza enjoyed your warmth, it brought him to greater heights feeling the heat of your body against his own. Something he could never experience mating with his own kind and the main reason he reached climax so quickly. The coolness of his cum felt blissfully soothing against your abused insides, trapped against your womb unable to leak out, plugged by his sheer girth, you were forced into another orgasm at the same time with a ragged sob pleading with the Gods for mercy.

Frieza's hearty chuckle made you realize you'd spoken out loud.

"I'm not finished with you yet," he promised, starting to move your body up and down his cock again.

[lovejosephquinn]

Pls we need a happy ending to the Joe angst, we NEEEEEEEEED it😭😭😭😭 It was so good but I can't deal with it ending like that!

Relax angel, I got you 👀

Okay, who's ready for a happy ending? Here's part 2 of Joe Begs You To Stay.

Read Part 1 Here. ◀◀◀

Joe had blown up your phone all night, pretty much from the moment you'd left his flat actually. It's safe to say neither of you got a wink of sleep. You tossed and turned in bed, feeling quite sick to your stomach, your mind wandering on what tomorrow would bring and if he'd actually give up or do something about or just whether he actually didn't feel the same as he used too in general. You had ignored his messages and his calls, every single one of them, he needed to realise just what he'd done, giving him a taste of his own medicine and if he wanted to fix it; he'd make sure he did.

You think you eventually fell to sleep, the morning light seeping through the crack of your curtain where it was left open slightly, the racing pace of your heart returning as you realised it was tomorrow all too soon. You checked your phone, no further contact from Joe so you gather he got the message, you decided to go and shower trying to delay the thoughts a little longer but keeping to yourself only seemed to make it worse.

Just as you got out and went into your bedroom to get dressed feeling at least a little cleaner from your shower, your phone began to buzz, as if by magic, Joe had read your thoughts and he was calling. You'd gave him a night to stew it over and decided to answer.

"Hello?" You muttered, the pissed off tone clearly making itself known in your voice as soon as you were to hear his.

"Hi, how are you?"

"That a trick question?" You sat on the edge of the bed, holding your towel up and taking a deep breath in to stop the tears that were fighting to fall.

"Me too, I've not slept. Can I please come over?" You shut your eyes, straight to the point, yet another sigh fell from your lips.

"Yes."

"An hour sound ok?" His voice was so monotone, so downbeat, it was like he was almost mourning the loss of someone.

"That's fine, see you soon." You hung up before he could say anything more, you needed to get yourself fighting fit within the next hour so you were ready for whatever was going to be the outcome.

When Joe arrived, knocking on the front door it was all too soon. Your confidence shattered as you took your time to answer it. When you did, a tired man stood before you, not the usual chirpy, happy soul you were used to seeing.

"Come in." You gestured for him to come through, the usual spark in his eyes had almost disappeared, that on it's own was depressing enough. Joe sat straight onto your sofa, perching himself up, his hands flat on his thighs like a told off child, his head hung low again just like a mirror of last night when he was on his knees, his eyes stared down to the ground not wanting to look at you just yet, clearly nervous from the events of yesterday. You moved around the coffee table to sit next to him, leaning against the arm of the sofa and crossing your legs, picking at the side of your thumbs to help ease your anxiety if even a little.

"So..." You decided to break the silence, if you didn't do it this second, not a word would of been spoken for goodness knows how long.

Joe swerved round quickly to meet your eyes burning into the side of his head. "I've thought about everything, I know I'm completely in the wrong in most respects. I know that in the 3 years we've been together that I've never ghosted you the way I have these last couple of weeks. I have my reasons, I told you half of them last night. It got a lot and I couldn't finish because I thought that was it, I thought you were leaving me. I'm so sorry that I worried you sick and made you feel like you had to push me away, I never intended on that Y/N, I just kept getting busy and then unfortunately my last thought was you but then that changed just before I came home and at the end of the day which to then I would panic and the time difference got in the way. I know that may hurt but-"

Your eyes shot wide at the last sentence, the only words you'd seem to catch in that whole breath was that his last thought was you.

"How charming of you to say that."

"Let me finish, please." You folded your arms, huffing an irritated sigh, you weren't about to go in all guns blazing unless you oh so had too, giving him a slow nod to continue.

"I didn't mean for it to go that way, that's the longest we've ever been away from each other since I managed to get you out whilst I was filming in America last time. But it didn't mean my feelings had changed for you, they never will. I still love you more than anything in the entire world, you're my girl, my fucking world and the distance and not being able to speak sometimes won't make my feelings for you any less, you have to know that."

"So what about getting back, the girl I saw you with?"

"That part was true, she was an old friend from college, we caught up. I'd done something for you that day I'd gotten home and I figured with her being a girl and all, she helped me to figure out how I should do it."

"Do what?" You scrunched your face up in confusion, your features ran softer than before and the spark regained in his iris'.

"Can I give you this back?" He pulled your promise ring out of his jacket pocket.

"Doesn't mean I totally forgive you."

"But this isn't the end right?" You looked down, savouring your reply for a second; keeping him on his toes. He was desperate for confirmation and you had to give it to him.

"It couldn't ever be. But if you ever do anything like that again and I find out it's intentional, you can kiss my ass goodbye." You leaned over and took the ring from Joe, placing it back on your finger.

"I understand. I couldn't ever stand the risk of losing you again, we've been through too much, we know too much and above all our love's too strong. But I'll take that ass kissing any day." You both managed a smirk, it was far from over, but the hurt was far from gone. You were right, he had a lot of work to do to resolve his mistakes, but they were just a big clump of mistakes and he'd never done anything to make you question it before, and you loved him so much, you couldn't bare life without your Joseph.

"So what was she helping you to do so bad that was keeping you from letting me know you were home." The smirk disappeared and Joe's lips fell into a thick line, you noticed the strong gulp.

"I was going to wait until we could go out, something I'd arranged for tonight. I'd called your parents to get their permission and they were ecstatic. I think now's a better time than any."

"What are you talking--" Your eyelids rose 3 times the size that they normally could, your mouth shot open and the anxiety that once made you feel glum, shot straight to excitement. Joe took your hand and stood you up before him, getting down onto one knee, taking a box out of his trouser pocket and opening it up to see the most beautiful and quite clearly expensive diamond ring you'd ever seen.

"My baby, my beautiful Y/N, my fucking rock. You are the one I want to spend my life with and nearly losing you would've been the death of me. This is what I needed help with, this isn't what I was going to say or how I planned it go but now it's here I don't actually think I needed any help at all. You're so perfect to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no more mistakes ok?"

Tears streamed down your face, Joe's breathing hitched with every word he spoke, his eyes wet through just as much as yours.

"Will you do me the honour of becoming Mrs Quinn, will you marry me my love?"

You didn't need a second thought, you knew he'd been honest and he was facing up to the faults in miscommunicating regularly with you. Deep down you knew he wasn't a bad person and that he didn't get a word in edge ways with you last night because you were so clearly pissed off, your dramatics clearly shone through.

You wiped your eyes, a smile beaming so wide and nodded straight down at him. "Yes, oh my god, a thousand times yes!" Joe took your hand, putting the ring onto your left hand and shot straight up enveloping you into his arms, picking you up off your feet in a swift motion. "Thank fuck for that." He said as you both cried a giggle at one another. He squeezed you so hard, and you leant back to face him, crashing your lips onto his. The kiss was so long awaited and had this morning gone wrong you'd have never had the chance again, but at least it hadn't and now you had the best reason to desperately attack his mouth.

"I love you, Y/N. My future wife."

"I love you Joe, my future husband."

Joe put you down, his hand still round your waist as you both flopped onto the sofa, closer this time as you held onto one another.

"So, you wanted to go out?"

"That was where I was going to do it and it looks like we're going out to celebrate anyway, come on. I think you deserve to look fucking hot tonight, get ready, we're going shopping."

"Wait a second, I don't always look hot?" You furrowed your brows at your fiancé.

"You know what I mean, you beautifully stubborn woman."

You snuggled your face into his chest, the familiar warmth and scent that felt like home instantly gave you hope. Your hand laying on his stomach, you watched the ring glitter from the natural light.

"Doesn't mean you give up and forget what happened you know."

"I know, but this is a start." Joe pushed your head up, gripping his fingers to your chin and gave you a soft, slow, well needed extra long kiss. This was the man you knew.

[baqisnotdead]

have u ever seen the music video for "Ocean Avenue" by Yellowcard?

^one of the most useless questions on tumblr dot com

ok anyway i was compelled tonight to rewatch this song's music video not only cuz it slaps, but i remember watching it with my sister some years ago and us being baffled about what this music video means

source:

re-familiarize yourself with this barely-sensical emo pop rock cinematic classic and you'll understand my confusion. so...it's a time loop concept. big deal. maybe it doesn't have to make sense and it's just interesting enough on its own to provide a lossely-cohesive storyline carried along by concept rather than by narrative?

and yes that could very much be it, but i was struck with some revelatory thoughts upon my own viewing of it tonight. i won't clog your dash but if you wanna dive in with me, i too have nothing better to do this tuesday night <3

so we all know the art of The Music Video is a pendulum that swings wildly in dozens of directions across several decades -- a music vid making little to no sense isn't the end of the world. sometimes the lyrics don't match what's on the screen at all and life goes on. however, i think i was wrong to assume that of this song and its video. now i don't mean i expected the song's lyrics to be literal; about "green cars" and "women running me over" and "goddamn sidewalk nuns again" but i think that all has a purpose for being in the video, regardless

just as lyrics can contain abstract meaning, music videos can help convey that visually as well. i think this time loop "gag" and the accompanying microgags within them in perpetuity is plenty entertaining, and that's clearly one angle in all of this, and that's great! the worst thing a music video can do is bore you. but i think the implied goofiness or high-concept-ness of it all can lead a viewer to not look as closely into the implied themes of it all. yes, it's great to follow in the storyline-not-storyline kinda way, but drawing critical thematic statements from a man parkouring over a shopping kart full of garbage? that's too fuckin far

except it's not! because like i said: it's all in there for a purpose. just breaking down what we see sequentially, all of it feels disjointed until the time loop clicks after the first chorus. only then, over a third of the way into the song, are we able to start piecing things together. with this, the theme of "cycles/something cyclical" is established. what's this cycle of? what's the intended outcome and how do we get there?

once a loop is established in any story, what's most interesting about it is what changes, and not what actually "loops." upon first run, barreling through Sidewalk Nunz, ragdolling over a shopping kart of trash, we see him pitifully miss the goal: a green muscle car of mysterious rock n roll origin. we loop and we're back on our feet. this time: side spin around the nuns, PARKOUR over the homeless -- that'll show them!! -- and we're a bit ahead of the curve as our hero is mowed down in his emo prime (electric violin continues)

but then it's bridge time! and that means: story development! inside what looks to be the nicest apartment in Newark NJ, a brief case and glasses fit for an eye surgery patient are seen. an attractively lesbionage agent takes them both and attempts to leave. the chase ensues once more, and the nuns are skillfully woven through, the vagabond is High Fived TM respectfully, and the hero successfully intercepts and boards the green muscle car, end of song

so...what's it all mean? well here's my take: it's all about the cyclical nature of self-improvement within the context of partnership. first off, this is supported at least somewhat by the lyrics. everything is very hypothetical and expressing desire for things like nostalgia, a better future, etc. "If I could find you now, things would get better" it's a bittersweet theme that desires for the past and the future, but not the present. typically, times of change or adjustment are what these desires and emotions manifest from. an unsteady or unpleasant "now" could be/would be/should be made better by remembering a better past, or wanting a better future. sadly, one of those things we can never get back, and the other only comes when work is done and change is made.

that's when i was reminded of what changes, literally, within the music video! as we know, time loops exist to be solved and escaped -- see "Groundhogs Day" or "Palm Springs" -- which is the thematic metaphor for what feels like an endless cycle of uncertainty during significant life changes and relationships. within a romantic/relationship context, i view our hero's cyclical journey as a test, some trials he has to figure out the best way to navigate to get to his intended goal. what ways work, which ways don’t? i think this says a lot about the deeper themes being discussed

in a basic sense, the street nuns and the shopping kart are problems or obstacles the hero is facing. since they're metaphorical and intended to have meaning to many viewers, what they are literally is up to you! one obstacle could be handling commitment, it could be with addiction (which can be cyclical as well), the list goes on. but what matters is not what the problems "are," but how the hero gets through them. we know the first attempt was messy and with complete disregard. trying to mosh pit through the nuns only slowed him down, and body slamming the kart looked ineffective at best. clearly, we are being told "You cannot strong arm your way through your problems."

Take 2: my guy jukes out the nuns and gets major air over the kart. while we're meant to think it's effective, clearly all was for nought. the lesson here: "You cannot simply avoid or completely skip over the problems like they don't need to be dealt with." the result of this path being the hero getting what he thought he wanted, only to be hoisted by his own green muscle car about to run him over.

as the final attempt begins, we're given important context that is the driving motivation for our hero. while the woman and the briefcase could be ambiguous in literal meaning as well, they represent loss/the threat of losing something or someone important if our hero can't break the cycle. this happens all too often to real people caught in cycles or constantly-shifting times in life, so the hero's desperation makes sense. but then, after artfully weaving peacefully through the nuns and scoring some Good Person Clout, the hero achieves his goal

the final lesson clearly being: work through the hard stuff. don't brute force it, don't dodge it. make mistakes and learn. learn that it's ok to have hope and want better things for yourself in the future. you might be afraid of losing something important to you along the way, but you can still get better and get things right as long as you keep moving through them.

and i dunno...i think that was a really cool and uplifting message to this song and this music video that i have no idea is there or not intentionally on the part of Yellowcard, but we all know that's not the point of art and music lmao. i found this cool meaning in this cool song/video and i hope you did too! k that's all go to bed

[anti-dazai-blog]

30-31- Kunikida and Chuuya should start a Dazai-specific group therapy (and other complaints)

Welcome back to the Anti-Dazai Series!!

Please forgive the month-long unplanned hiatus, I’ve been having a very eventful life lately. But the Anti-Dazai Series isn’t dead, it’s just taking longer to create than I originally thought it would. 

Then again, I say that same line every time I post. 

Regardless, I’m here and I have some stuff to say about Dazai. So moving on to what you all came here for:

——————————

After the Guild nearly destroyed Yokohama, the agency is working their hardest to get things back in order. Dazai, as per usual, is not helping. 

Kunikida asks him to do his actual job for once. As expected, Dazai refuses and deflects. It’s then revealed that Dazai was involved in arranging a secret meeting with the boss of the Port Mafia. Kunikida is surprised by this, and asks Dazai why he of all people would be involved in arranging such a thing. Dazai reveals in the most offhanded way possible that he used to work for the Port Mafia, and that Kunikida is the last in the agency to be made aware of that fact.

Now, why does Dazai do this? There are a number of potential reasons, and I’m not satisfied that I’ve reached the right one. Revealing something like this accomplishes a few things; it increases Kunikida’s stress, it makes him feel excluded from the rest of the agency, it enforces the idea that Dazai is “mysterious” and there are many things he doesn’t know about him, it enforces the idea that Kunikida “isn’t as perceptive” as the rest of the agency (in quotation marks to stop people from reading it as a true statement in and of itself), it enforces the idea that Dazai’s “more comfortable telling personal information to the rest of the agency than Kunikida” (in quotation marks for the same reason), and lastly, it’s a subtle way of introducing the idea that Dazai talks to people casually during their breaks or off hours, and Kunikida doesn’t take breaks, so he never would get around to having these casual conversations.

Note that all of those potential reasons are specifically directed towards Kunikida (meaning they could be potential take-aways Dazai wants Kunikida to have from this exchange), and none are true general statements. 

Regardless, the one that feels most accurate to the rest of Dazai’s portrayal is his insistence on portraying himself as “mysterious”. This specific way of going about is clearly ideal, given the above list of potential take-aways and how while Dazai may have intended this exchange to have the outcome of making him appear more mysterious, Kunikida’s take-away could have been anything else on that list (or a secret bonus item I didn’t think of). 

Hopefully Kunikida didn’t overthink this two minute exchange as much as I did. However, I’m obligated to include that (for comedic purposes) Kunikida does pass out from stress at the end of this conversation.

———

The conclusion of the Agency and Mafia’s meeting results in a refusal to agree to an alliance or ceasefire, due to such an agreement being a prisoner’s dilemma. If one side chooses to follow the agreement while the other chooses to break it, only the dishonest side will benefit, and there are no third parties to hold them accountable. 

However, Mori has his own plan; to do the agency a favor in advance, and have them pay him back later. As he’s aware that Dazai will be walking straight into a Guild ambush later that night on his quest to retrieve Q, he decides to send Chuuya to ensure the success of this retrieval mission. 

And here’s where this analysis post becomes a speedrun of every minorly rude thing Dazai might have done—

1—I’m not even gonna get into what was going on with him bombing Chuuya’s car four years prior to this. Did Chuuya genuinely not know it was Dazai? It would make a surprising amount of sense if he didn’t know, since bombing a car doesn’t fit Dazai’s M.O. at all, but I can get into that another time.

2—Instead of just outright insulting Chuuya’s fashion sense, he pretends to compliment him and then takes it back, which is slightly ruder and more hurtful than a direct insult. (was he checking for Chuuya’s reaction to a supposed compliment? Based on how Chuuya reacted, we can assume this wasn’t a standard Way of Messing With Him that Dazai used to do in Mafia days. Was he just testing something new?)

3—Not only did he steal Chuuya’s knife, but he asked Chuuya if he could borrow it AFTER stealing it, to cause him the extra stress of looking for it just to see it’s not there. (Most likely he was checking if Chuuya would agree to lend it to him or not, and on the possibility Chuuya refused, he’d have it anyway. Regardless, that moment of panic when you think you’ve lost something you need was Not Worth It just to check that.)

And on the topic of that knife, let’s talk about what he does with it next. He puts it to Q’s throat and asks Chuuya if he’s going to stop him. Although he doesn’t end up going through with this threat, he did put a knife to the throat of an unconscious child just to, as per usual, test someone’s reaction to something. I do not need to explain how putting a knife to an unconscious child’s throat is not “just messing around.”

As he removes Q from John’s roots, he once again explains that Q needs to be alive to essentially “keep him in business.” So long as Q’s alive, he’ll be needed as a nullifier. 

I’ve mentioned this repeatedly and I’ll mention it again, every single time it comes up: Dazai has this habit of emphasizing his usefulness as a nullifier in front of people who rely on his nullification. Here, he refers to himself as “the ultimate safety device.” It’s no coincidence that so far the characters he most frequently brings this up in front of are Atsushi and Chuuya, both of whom are reliant on his ability to keep theirs in check. Dazai reinforces the idea that he is necessary, and just as the mafia needs to keep him alive because of Q, they equally need to keep him alive because of Chuuya.

4—Using Kunikida’s Q-induced PTSD hallucinations for his own personal entertainment is just. incredibly messed up. It’s one of those trademark Dazai Things that made me start this blog. It’s one of those things that’s entirely played off as funny but becomes disturbing when you think about it for more than a second. Someone is having a panic attack in front of you and you laugh at it and film them? Yeah no what the hell. And then brag about filming them afterwards. Look I know I’m fixating on one single line in the manga that Studio Bones didn’t consider significant enough to adapt. But look this guy is deeply messed up. Can we just acknowledge that for a second. Please.

5—Back to the actual petty complaints: After Chuuya was grabbed by Lovecraft, Dazai walks over and steps on the back of Chuuya’s head/ Chuuya’s hat. This is anywhere ranging from Kinda Rude to Could Be Sued (ha it rhymes) depending on how injured Chuuya got from Lovecraft tossing him around.

[Now, I’ll be counting the following insults as petty, but for most insults between Chuuya and Dazai I won’t be counting them as anything at all. I consider the standard back and forth that Chuuya and Dazai have going on to be immensely non-hostile, as in none of those insults have any real meaning, nor do either of them interpret any deeper meaning behind it. However, any isolated insult will be judged in and of itself.]

6—Dazai says “I hope your hat seizes your consciousness and kills you.”

In general, this would count as a petty insult. However, with the added context of Stormbringer, this falls into the same category as point 4 on this list of Petty Dazai Complaints. Played off as a joke, but is actually horrifying if you think about it for more than five seconds. HOWEVER, let’s keep in mind that this chapter was written long before Asagiri wrote Stormbringer, and he most likely wasn’t aware of the added lore he’d give Chuuya’s hat. So with that in mind, I won’t hold Dazai accountable for something that Asagiri wouldn’t know about. 

7—Pretending to be fatally injured just for the fun of watching Chuuya panic, immediately after Lovecraft morphed into his final form and had Chuuya semi-panicking already. I don’t know how to explain that that’s not the Fun Little Prank the anime makes it out to be.

And that’s it for my Petty Little Complaints, because now we’re up to Corruption.

I will be pointing out here that Dazai’s request for Chuuya to use Corruption immediately follows his Fun Little Prank of getting “fatally wounded”, which immediately followed Lovecraft revealing his true form. Keeping that in mind, it seems as though rather than subduing Chuuya’s stress after Lovecraft showed his true form, Dazai increased the stress instead. The anime really doesn’t do this scene justice, so if you’ve only seen it there I’d recommend reading this part of the manga. Lovecraft is massive. Lovecraft is horrifying. There’s no way anyone could make a rational, life or death decision when faced with something like him. 

The decision of whether or not to use corruption is not something that should be taken lightly. Yet Dazai decides to make things harder for Chuuya by convincing him that he’s about to die from fatal wounds, and after revealing it’s “just a prank”, choosing to speficially say “we should just give up and die” rather than saying “we may need to consider using corruption” or something along those lines. He puts the idea of death, both his and Chuuya’s, in front of them before pushing Chuuya to destroy himself for the sake of the mission. 

All in all, not a fan of the way Dazai presented this supposed choice to him.

{the usual addendum goes here that Dazai is often the audience’s source of exposition. Here as well, his specific way of presenting and talking about Corruption was more to inform the audience about how dangerous Corruption is, how it’s a final resort, and how Chuuya can die from using it. He talks about it in the manner he does because he needs to for the audience’s sake, so I’ll acknowledge that the whole time he’s saying “it’s so dangerous, you’ll die if I don’t stop you,” it’s directed more to the audience than Chuuya}

Now I’ve already gone on a rant about how Dazai leaving Chuuya alone, vulnerable, and unconscious in the middle of the forest at night is pretty messed up. That was actually the first post I’ve ever made about Dazai. So I won’t be repeating all that here. Rather, I’ll be linking the post here and pretending that that counts. If I don’t get this posted now I won’t be able to post it for another week, so I’ll be ending it abruptly here.

So. That’s that for this week’s entry of the Anti-Dazai Series!! Join us next time when Dazai does something else that I take issue with, as I always do, because that’s my job here on the Anti-Dazai Blog!! Thanks for reading, and enjoy the rest of your day!

[calebwittebane]

ok but that alt timeline Ghetsis Wins idea is kind of growing on me already. i think it would be extremely funny And extremely sad. ok im putting the following under a readmore cuz it ended up being longer than i had intended

im picturing N looking dejected while sitting at whatever serene place he likes to spend his time nowadays--maybe chargestone cave now that it’s a perfect place without humans, maybe some quiet forest clearing. powerless arceus and the creation trio are with him, small and plain-looking, but still alive and well. he is lost in thought, and he is feeling glum.

indeed, having experienced some human interactions, some connections (though feeble), and having begun to crave a worthy opponent to his convictions, he has now ultimately gone back to square one. it looks like he really did not belong among humans who are, for all their complexities, just as cruel and thoughtless as he was led to believe. not even others from team plasma are exempt from that; now that their part is done, they are all simply part of the kneeling, groveling masses put in their rightful place.

but what makes him different? and what makes ghetsis different? their dreams aligned in their outcome, as humans lost their hegemony and pokemon are now all free and perfect beings, but the meaning behind those dreams diverged significantly. many pokemon had to be hurt in order to achieve this. the ones that worked hard among team plasma, the ones ghetsis has stolen divinity from. N’s hands are not clean.

and what is ghetsis even going to do with this power? will he create something out of nothing? will he change something small yet fundamental about this world, causing it to become unrecognizable? or is standing so far above the rest of humanity all that he ever wanted? now he is untouchable, untarnishable by scorn, and needs no pity. is he going to be an absent god, only taking any interest in the mechanisms and their inhabitants on a rare whim? arceus says that for a being separate from all other things such attitude is inevitable. well, then--N once again finds himself stuck, as ghetsis is no such thing in his eyes. maybe back when N was very little and understood very little, and futilely looked up to his father in unquestioning adoration. oh, of course, N loves him, that has not changed and can’t ever change, but ascending to godhood has only made ghetsis seem all the more fallible and corporeal and ordinary. more human than ever before. gods are supposed to be beyond one’s understanding, and N feels like he sees and understands the man more clearly now than ever before. all the greed and uncertainty and overjoyed erratic rambling. far too human.

arceus also says that to be in control of all things is to be in control of nothing. now that arceus is but a simple moving part of this chaotic and fragile world, it feels proud of the little control that it has, the space it takes up, the ownership it has over its very own cosmologically tiny and insignificant body. but that is easy for arceus to say--N is keenly aware of the fact that ghetsis never felt safe or in control within his own body, with all the ways it could fail him.

so what is N meant to do now? enjoy all the things that finally are as they should be, he supposes. he, however, is as lonely, as powerless, as frustrated by the limitations of his own mind as he was before. as an individual, he has gained nothing, if making new pokemon friends is to be excluded here. he feels very unloved, and it stings particularly badly to feel very specifically and pointedly unloved by god. although, yes, N sees the undeniable humor in this. “god can’t even decide if he’s my real dad. god didn’t feel like spending too much time around me, so he had my sisters look after me, and i can’t blame them if they resent me for it. god used to give me so many gifts, so many toys and books and art supplies and whatever else i desired, so long as it would fit inside the room i was confined to. god seems weirdly threatened by me sometimes, and it makes me wonder what i could’ve possibly done to him. god likes it when we have some interests in common, but only when he’s better and more knowledgeable at them. god used to like playing chess with me because he always won. god is very scared and alone, and so am i, but i don’t know if we could ever relate to each other. god is educated and clever, but he is also really, really, really stupid sometimes, so stupid that it startles me. god is never going to therapy at this rate, is he”, and so on.

N doesn’t think anyone, any creature, should reign over another. giratina says that all beings and ideas have their equivalent opposite, and all reactions have a response, and so, ironically, someone has to rule over all else to ensure there are no rulers and subjects. palkia concurs--when left to its own devices, all matter succumbs to forces of gravity and clumps together, and nothing is left evenly distributed. dialga adds that all repeating cycles are an act of mercy.

arceus doesn’t say anything. N wonders if it’s embarrassed that its children seem to know more than it does.

[inalandofsadclowns]

Reading @lansplaining and @thatswhatsushesaid 's clever posts about inaccurate or questionable author's or actor's interpretations. Excellent thoughts, ah say!

Only wanted to add that true, a creation does posess a sort of integrity, outside of what the author had written. And it definitely isn't wrong to say that the reader can see and understand things the author did not notice.

With all the brilliant meta going around in different fandoms – so much of them make perfect sense, but you can hardly say that the authors had considered all of the readers' and viewers' ideas. Between the lines you can find hidden layers to a character which the writer did not even intend on putting there. More reasonable than we'd think at first. Quite impressive, too. It's not by chance that art reaches its full meaning only through the audience.

And here's a controversial question, wether it's good or bad when the author considers and applies their audience's suggestions. I mean, sometimes the outcome can make sense and also do good for the plot. (20k outraged Sherlock fans cancelling their Stone subscriptions for Sherlock to be revived lmao, anyone? Then Doyle pulled the iconic "he never even fell" card dkgskgslg).

Of course there's this and there's plain fan-service.

Then there's this thingy when authors have a certain image of a plotline or a character at the beginning of the writing process. Then the story takes on its own way, making the original idea seem unnatural, but the author writes it anyway. This is precisely how jkr had written Ron and Hermione's relationship btw. And we know that many readers and the actors themselves had found the romance cringey (it was), since they have seen how those two had been clearly written as friends, more like a brother and sister.

(Nghh I got carried away, I notice)

That being said, zzj's bright moonlight xiyao take is something I accept as a lovely headcanon nevertheless :')

And even in itself, that interpretation seems fully accurate and fits into canon perfectly, and most importantly makes my xiyao heart all warm and fuzzy

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

It's honestly sad that a story can't be told without having to literally spell everything out for the audience nowadays. People are either unable to or refuse to see any subtle messages. We've regressed to a child's reading level.

Capcom removed Leon holding Ashley's hand because they didn't want people to interpret their relationship as romantic. People still ship it. Luis was part of the team that created Nemesis (you know, that thing that almost killed Jill Valentine!? but that's okay we forgive him because he tried to make up for it and is hot) and people ship that because Leon held his hand while HE WAS DYING so obviously Capcom must ship them because if they didn't, they would've removed that too! There could be no other explanation for holding a dying person's hand. Like ship what you want, so long as you're not shoving down others' throats or proclaiming it to be canon when its not.

I think I get it now when you said that the fandom ruined Claire for you. Because now the fandom has ruined Luis for me. No one wants to acknowledge the bad things he did or how he's an interesting combination of contradictions that define him as a grey character. No one wants to question if he actually did enough to redeem himself or not, he's just instantly forgiven. Sorry to rant, I'm just finally fed up with (the majority of) this fandom.

yeaaah...

let me be PAINFULLY CLEAR with what i'm gonna say

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHO YOU SHIP WITH WHO

i have my own opinions and facts that are based on the CANON of the games/movies (not the anderson ones, those are a separate entity) and those FACTS have lead me to the storyline/outcome that capcom has been working on for +25 years. YOU are free to ship whoever you want, and I am allowed to dislike them/and think whatever i want about them. [read here for my in-depth analysis]

People are either unable to or refuse to see any subtle messages. We've regressed to a child's reading level.

I think that we've really dumbed down stories. Particularly with how a lot of East Asian (Japanese, anime, manga, games) have been specifically dumbing them down for "american audiences." (I'm not american so I don't fall under that category hehe) even things from back in the 90s with games, they made games EVEN dumber because they thought american audiences could not understand J RPGs.

A lot of media that is made for (and also american audiences) will say clearly what and HOW they (THE CREATORS) want their story to be interpreted and understood. It's one thing to leave things up for interpretation; especially for things that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.

but when capcom is CLEAR about their intentions, and you BLATANTLY IGNORE THEM, that's just being ignorant and misread. If you take in media and actively choose to go against what is intended and misconstrue it to fit with your narrative; you fundamentally do not understand storytelling or have some sort of comprehension problem.

Like ship what you want, so long as you're not shoving down others' throats or proclaiming it to be canon when its not.

I've seen so many people on twitter/tiktok etc with just the WORST takes. The the hand holding removal for Ashley, and then the subsequent "hand holding" for Luis was meant for it to be interpreted as romantic. Now half the time, I wonder if people are just trolling. There's no way in hell that Leon "holding" Luis' hand while he was DYING is meant to be interpreted as romantic. furthermore, it was also "debunked" that Leon only held his hand to wrap the lighter around his (Luis) fingers as more symbolic of letting Luis have his choices. Leon telling him earlier, "you know those things will kill ya," was not only code for Luis to figure out if Leon was helping him or not, it was also Leon being genuine that he didn't condone his smoking.

Leon taking the lighter and lighting Luis' cigarette for him and holding the lighter in his hand is giving back his choice. Letting Luis die with dignity and with how Luis would've wanted to die.

Sometimes, when the writer says the curtains are blue. THAT'S IT. They're just blue. Leon was just helping Luis with his final moments. THAT'S IT. It was never romantic, and it was never supposed to be interpreted as romantic.

I think I get it now when you said that the fandom ruined Claire for you. Because now the fandom has ruined Luis for me. No one wants to acknowledge the bad things he did or how he's an interesting combination of contradictions that define him as a grey character. No one wants to question if he actually did enough to redeem himself or not, he's just instantly forgiven. Sorry to rant, I'm just finally fed up with (the majority of) this fandom.

now you are FREE to interpret whatever headcanons you have!!

i think they're FINE AND FUN. i also love to write headcanons. but when you take canon and interpret it in a completely wrong way, and try to use that as evidence, you just seem foolish. especially when you double down on that. will chreon ever happen? NO PROBABLY NOT. I don't care! have fun with it! Serrenndy? Well I mean he's dead so whatever. Cleon? Nope, they already killed that and yall should even be mad at the VA for Claire for even bothering to tease that considering the "Fall scene" was never planned and she specifically put that in as "fan service" for the cleon fans because she knew the ship was dead. You really want someone who teases you like that? I dunno, what's the word you all like to use so often.. toxic?

i don't care about the other ships! i think everyone is free to enjoy whatever! except for you leon x sherry fans. yall need jail. people are who into lashley and also in their +30s also you need to be on some sort of list.

i've never hated these ships. UNTIL THE FANS TOOK OVER. they are aggressive, they frankly will use every single racist, misogynistic thing they can think of to hate Ada. They will victim blame, and prop Leon up to this perfect man who can't do anything wrong, and had been SO WRONGED by Ada. They want to baby him and "never let anything bad" happen to him ever again.

i have RARELY seen a take about serrenndy, lashley, cleon, etc. that hasn't spent a LARGE MAJORITY OF THEIR TIME HATING ADA.

Chreon, metaltango and a few other of the Leon x Male C ones I've seen either also enjoy Ada or just don't talk about her in general.

tl;dr i don't care what you ship, but the shippers have fundamentally misunderstood the games and use "canon" as their backing for their own fanon ships and generally tend to be the aggressors online to the point where aeon places are no longer safe.

Shippers have RUINED their own ships and characters for me to the point where I do not enjoy them anymore.

[pseudo-apollo]

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun Made Me Say I Wanted to Drink Bleach: Here's Why

Disclaimer the First: I have only and only intend to read the first volume (45 chapters) of this series.

Disclaimer the Second: I'm writing this to vent my own frustrations and give them form. And because this blog is tiny so I doubt many people will see this post. I'm not trying to do a call-out or start drama with the fandom.

Disclaimer the Third (Final): My gripes with this book are NOT over the sensitive content it contains. I had a good idea of what I was getting into when I picked it up, and honestly it sounded like my cup of tea. Don't worry, I'm not going to bitch about the Geneva Convention violations (lol)

Now, let's jump right in:

This book reads like fanfiction of The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System. From the time when I read the synopsis of the book to the point I put it down for the last time, that was a constant thought running through my mind. After finishing the book, I did the most minimal of research, and what would you know, SVSSS first published in 2014, and The Husky and His White Cat Shizun started publishing in 2017.

I'm not here to make accusations of plagiarism, but...

To set the scene, we have a story about a young disciple from a humble background and his abusive, uptight shizun. There are two other disciples that are central to the story, one of whom is a love interest for the main disciple, the other is a rival. The young disciple is naturally gifted at cultivation as well as being an exceptional cook and stunningly handsome. Despite being orphaned and abused by his shizun, the disciple grows up to be a powerful, ruthless ruler, and uses his power to exact revenge on his shizun, confining and torturing him, but not killing him for a long time.

The story itself properly begins with the death of the main character via self-induced poisoning, who is then transported to a previous point in what could be called the previous timeline. The main character then must do what they can to change outcomes of the story without revealing themselves. The relationship that then evolves between shizun and disciple ends up being more affectionate than in the previous timeline, and conflict arises surrounding who is "supposed" to be the disciple's love interest.

In arguably the first arc of the story, the shizun and disciples set off to gain experience by helping a wealthy man in a small town who is being troubled by a malicious entity. The main character, while remembering this from the original story, uses their knowledge to sound smart, but ends up changing things so they no longer know what is going on. This creates an embarrassing situation where the disciple grows closer to his shizun rather than his fellow disciple who "should" be his love interest. The clue that helps solve the entire mystery ends up being perfume.

The shizun is quite handsome, repeatedly associated with a plant, and presents a very stoic face. Despite his outward calm, he constantly struggles with his complicated feelings toward his disciple.

The disciple uses his good looks to manipulate people, constantly seeks his shizun's approval, and is often likened to a dog in some capacity. He also has a *ahem* sky pillar impressive enough to warrant several mentions.

Now...I feel I've quite made my point, whether or not anyone else agrees with me, I can understand either way. These are the major similarities that I most readily noticed, but there are of course smaller similarities as well that I couldn't fit in, or that I missed. I will end my comparison to SVSSS there.

However, I would be remiss if I didn't bring up the major similarity I also see between The Husky and His White Cat Shizun and Heaven Official's Blessing. The funny thing here, is that both began publishing in the same year, but I couldn't find the months, so clearly these similarities are, in my opinion, more likely to be coincidental. When taken with the other striking similarities to another of MXTX's works, though, I feel it at least worth mentioning, if for no other reason than to stop it rattling around in my head.

As the first "mission" of the story, we find a woman wronged by her lover has become a malicious entity seeking revenge. The transgression relates to marriage and her lover leaving her for another woman. Her actions have caused people to seek the help of our main character and two of the main character's companions. In order to investigate the matter, the main character must dress in wedding garb and they and their love interest end up playing the role of "husband and wife".

And of course, there are other smaller similarities that will go unmentioned, as the smaller the similarity, the more likely it is to be unintentional or coincidental. Much of this could be coincidental, in fact, but taken all together, I hope one can see how throughout reading this book, I was endlessly reminded of things I'd read previously. I was imagining what it may have looked like if it were fanfiction.

I would love to say that's where my issues with the book stop. Really, I'd love to. But here we are, and I'm already this deep into it. The similarities I saw in the synopsis of the book were actually why I bought it in the first place. I figured if I liked SVSSS as much as I did, surely I would enjoy this book that promised much of the same, just darker. I was VERY onboard for that.

However, what I got was something that made me bored and disappointed, while also cringing. It was completely underwhelming from what I expected reading other reviews of the book. Of course it could get more intense, but with how strongly I disliked the majority of the characters, I knew I couldn't continue reading to find out. The only reason I finished reading it at all was

I paid about $11 for it, and was determined to get my money's worth

I was hoping, very sincerely, that it just suffered the common issue of having a rocky and uninteresting start. I wanted to see it get better

Once I came to the conclusion it wouldn't get better, I wanted to see just how strongly it resembled SVSSS so I could make this post and get something out of my time

When the most detailed depiction of graphic events (in my opinion, of course) is during a three-chapter long flashback about a character who doesn't matter where a man is trying to force-feed a young girl an orange, I'm not getting the dark fucked-up mess that I expected. I'm getting excessive backstory for a character I don't care about, and finding myself surprised that this is the scene in the book I find most unsettling.

As I said, it probably gets more graphic later in, but I'm not sticking around to find out. It's also possible some of the disturbing stuff just didn't hit for me, that happens, and that's fine.

For me, it's the unlikable characters on top of non-committal violence and darkness, with cheap, cringe-inducing sequences and too-familiar structure and plot elements done poorly. I kept wanting to like it, but I couldn't. At best, this book had a couple good moments, and that wasn't enough for me. I don't mind irredeemable characters. Irredeemable characters can still be likable, and these ones weren't.

Anyway, this feels like it's getting repetitive and rant-y (if it wasn't to begin with), so I'm wrapping it up here...

My rating for The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (Vol. 1) is:

1/10: Don't Waste Your Money Or Your Time

[astronomyforastrologers]

Scorpio’s Lighthouse ~ 20 Oct 2023

Scorpio’s Lighthouse ~ 20 Oct 2023, Philip Sedgwick

Today Ceres in Scorpio aligns with APR220 (approximately 14 Scorpio 04 as of 2023), a unique black hole system. Also known as IC1127 or 616H, this black hole from which no light can escape, weirdly and ironically, stands out as the brightest object in our local universe. The result of a collision of two galaxies, the resulting singularity became ultra-luminous as it heats up the galactic atmosphere.

Consider this black hole a beacon - lighthouse like. The primary utility of this object seeks to guide galactic travelers away from pot holes and road blocks such that in the real world, they navigate well around objects that might induce a stumble. And this black hole combines information and insights into an organized and useful melting pot that becomes a solid philosophy. Imagine functioning in the real world in ways that dart and shift like a graceful super star athlete on the pitch.

Why so much insight from this black hole? In addition to marking the focal point of the black hole, this degree is the virtual intersection of the Galactic and Super-Galactic Centers. This intersection creates several interesting buttons to click in the multiple choice section of life. First, when it comes to information gathering, take only those insights and prompts that succinctly and effortless guide you on your path. Anything that does not further, you can leave behind. Second, work out any subconscious interference to your consciously declared agenda. Avoid the urge to bet against yourself or attempt to manipulate circumstances with double negatives intending to cancel out and conjure up a positive. State clearly and emphatically those conditions you consciously seek, confident that personal fears are recognized and neutralized.

Right now, while the world is as it is, what to do to invoke the best of the patterns?

Ceres advocates for passion. Sure, both sides in any conflict passionately (and sometimes blindly) pursue causes with full conviction and unrelenting determination. Remember that Jupiter intercedes in these matters, and works with Mercury and others to negotiate outcomes that work for the greater good. Ultimately, Jupiter’s outcomes, though self-serving, provide more than liveable conditions for all. He stands on the bridge of the ship and reminds the individual on the helm to be aware that the rocky crag shoreline is where it is and to steer clear, while remaining aware of the wind and tidal forces. His final caution notes that those things at which a person stares, they tend to steer toward. So, create fine foci for pursuit.

On 30 October Mercury in Scorpio aligns with APR220, “Trick or Treat,” is quite apt for this transit. The idea is that with proper reward, no shenanigans are necessary. Is it a bribe? Trickery? Sleight of hand? Nope. The ideal manifestation declares affirmatively what is wanted and when received a proper “thank you” fits the bill. When the Universe provides guidance that declares an optimal course ahead, give thanks. Express gratitude. And perhaps adopt the doctrine of thanking in advance or engaging in well-intentioned propitiation.

02 November Mars in Scorpio crosses the degree of APR220, without crossing the black hole attitudinally. Here, one may confront the cosmic plan that states: Here’s what must be done to get from here to there in good fashion. Sometimes, some of the plotted points rub sensitivities and reactions the wrong way. The point is, these factors are known to be “must do.” Emotionally wrap around necessities despite personal preferences, and structure a plan so that those essential “not so enthused about” steps become most easily transacted. Mars suggests taking on any life unpleasantness during times of high (not frantic or reactive) energy. Then, ease back, settle into the fun stuff and enjoy the ride. Similar to the other “M” planet to APR220, take time to notice and savor accomplishments and tasks well accomplished. Such personally applied accolades serve the next direct contact to this black hole.

The next direct contact to APR220 occurs on 06 November with Sun conjoining. It is time for conscious realization of “You Are Here.” It is time to acknowledge all the things that got you here and that without those events and interactions, you would not be here. It is time for selecting life options that serve your greatest desires. It is time for being the energy you wish to manifest. This is not “fake it ‘til you make it.” This “be it,” realize it, then be it some more.

Also, Mercury quincunxes Eris and the north lunar node in Aries at the same time the Sun is with APR220. This suggests realizing and fully communicating your best fit in the world, with your real world plan and within your cosmic agenda. For those with whom you interact on a regular basis, it is important to clearly listen to their articulations describing their self-centered reality and to accept that as a nonnegotiable consideration.

When realizing that those “with” you possess tracks not perfectly aligned with yours, the matter becomes that of defining how to cooperatively engage with those others for the benefit of all. Also at this time Venus in the mature degrees of Virgo undisputedly moves into orb of the Super-Galactic Center (ZS) in Libra. While not yet in the sign of ZS, this marks the remove-the-wheat-from-the-chaff tasks. Life becomes an energetic matter of noticing where one feels attracted to engage and where one feels repelled to either not engage or disengage. With Venus to this supermassive black hole system and the Sun to APR, the matter at hand is to find ones perfect energetic place with others and to share similar tracks. Seek a personal Goldilocks Zone of having just the right amount... not too much... not too little... alignment and interaction with all the perfectly guiding persons and forces in life.

Given the strangeness of the times, considering the life distractions at hand personally and globally, take time to spot the helpful navigational sources in life, gratefully comply with directive assistance and make the most out of the unabated creative flow and pursuit of passion that fills the air.

More soon.

One Stop Shopping Order Form Astrological Textso

Meteoric the Movie on Vimeo ZAP! on Vimeo

[sakamaki-richter]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 ; 𝐑𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢

❖ 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

; Richter isn’t exactly hedonistic, but he is pretty close. Acting only in ways that benefit him in the pursuit of his goals (and cordelia’s happiness). Whether this means involving himself with the lives of his nephews, or putting himself in danger to make sure a particular outcome is reached.

; He is a manipulative, and conceited individual. Worrying not for the feelings of others as he strings them along in ways he sees fit. He’s not afraid to put on and take off masks as he pleases, as long as the resulting outcomes are what he intends.

; Stoic and Strict, Richter at face value appears to be a no-nonsense man. Not having any issues with ordering around those in the surrounding area; be it the actual servants and familiars under him, his own nephews, or even Yui.

; He is a stubborn man, and does not easily change his ideals, suggestions, or opinions. He can be seen insisting that his nephews do things his way, which often results in the younger individuals storming out of the room, or giving in out of a disinterest to continue argue with him.

; Unstable and a Masochist, Richter has no issues with suffering even the most humiliating situations, as long as it pleases his lover. This amplifies itself to a destructive degree whenever he feels challenged, or feels that his value as a person is questioned.

; On the flip-side, as a Vampire he is still Sadistic and Cruel. Like others of his kind, he thrives off the suffering of others, and has no issue delivering as cruel of punishments as he deems necessary. Be it whippings, stringing someone to the ceiling, or mental, physical, and sexual torture to suit his own needs. Should the person be an anonymous blood source, or the woman his nephews are fighting for, matters not to him.

❖ 𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈 — 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐉

Intuitive iNtuition Thinking Judging

The Architect, The Mastermind, The Strategist

; INTJs are perceptive about systems and strategy, and often understand the world as a chess board to be navigated. They want to understand how systems work, and how events proceed: the INTJ often has a unique ability to foresee logical outcomes. They enjoy applying themselves to a project or idea in depth, and putting in concentrated effort to achieve their goals.

; INTJs have a hunger for knowledge and strive to constantly increase their competence; they are often perfectionists with extremely high standards of performance for themselves and others. They tend to have a keen interest in self-improvement and are lifelong learners, always looking to add to their base of information and awareness.

; INTJs are typically reserved and serious, and seem to spend a lot of time thinking. They are curious about the world around them and often want to know the principle behind what they see. They thoroughly examine the information they receive, and if asked a question, will typically consider it at length before presenting a careful, complex answer. INTJs think critically and clearly, and often have an idea about how to do something more efficiently. They can be blunt in their presentation, and often communicate in terms of the larger strategy, leaving out the details.

; Although INTJs aren’t usually warm or particularly gregarious, they tend to have a self-assured manner with people based on their own security in their intelligence. They relate their ideas with confidence, and once they have arrived at a conclusion they fully expect others to see the wisdom in their perceptions. They are typically perfectionists and appreciate an environment of intellectual challenge. They enjoy discussing interesting ideas, and may get themselves into trouble because of their take-no-prisoners attitude: if someone’s beliefs don’t make logical sense, the Mastermind typically has no qualms about pointing that out.

❖ 𝐄𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦 𝟓𝐰𝟒 — 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫

; They are curious, creative, and reserved in their behaviour. They prefer to be alone to reflect and recharge, and tend to be more emotional than those of the same type. They are afraid of being helpless, and incompetent. The philosopher tends to overcompensate for this fear by developing new knowledge and skills to feel useful and worthy. Their basic desire is to feel helpful and able, to which they express by passionately pursuing knowledge and understanding of the world. Philosophers tend to guard themselves by withdrawing from others, which leads to loneliness.

; The Philosopher’s strengths tend to include creative thinking and expression, the ability to work well independently, observing and understanding small details, as well as a deep level of focus and attentiveness. However their weaknesses include a tendency to be overly sensitive, focusing too much on themselves, distancing themselves from other people, and struggling to think practically or realistically.

; Philosophers tend to end up in creative fields, majority of which are writing or music based. This includes, but is not limited to: Novelists, Composers, and Scholars.

[ fun fact; whilst personality tests aren’t concrete, more often than not an INTJs enneagram will be 5w6, instead of 5w4. however when getting richter’s results, the 4th wing was just a bit higher than the 6th. and i find that the philosopher fits him a bit more than the troubleshooter, but know that the latter was a close second!! (and of course my answers are not the definitive. so if you were to take it for him, the results may change!) ]