#but chani thinks that feyd and irulan are just the biggest weirdos of the universe

[ragsforless]

Dune crack!au (4)

Irulan: Hey, Feyd.

Feyd: Yes, princess?

Irulan: I’m bored.

Feyd: Do you want to play smash or pass again?

Irulan: Fremen Edition?

Feyd: Atreides.

Irulan: Fine. You go first.

Feyd: Duncan Idaho.

Irulan: Obviously, smash.

Feyd: Same. Now your turn.

Irulan: Lady Jessica? She’s

part of House Atreides, right?

Feyd: To be totally honest with you, she’s a closeted Harkonnen at heart but I’ll pass.

Irulan: Why? She’s very pretty.

Feyd: I don’t like space witches. They’re weird and very mean.

Irulan: Like mother, like son.

Feyd: She’s also my evil creepy uncle’s super secret daughter.

Irulan: *sighs* And our monster mother-in-law.😔

Feyd: Don’t remind me.

Irulan: Fine. Thufir Hawat.

Feyd: Pass. Mentats freak me out.

Irulan: Feyd, babe, I thought you like math?

Feyd: Of course I like meth. I even started selling a ton of meth to some of Chani’s fanatical Fremen friends for a very good price.

Irulan: Let me guess, Stilgar?

Feyd: He’s my business partner.

Irulan: Nevermind. Your turn.

Feyd: Doctor Yueh.

Irulan: Does he still counts as part of House Atreides?

Feyd: He tried to kill my creepy uncle and brother. So I guess, yes?

Irulan: Pass. He was married.

Feyd: Your turn.

Irulan: Duke Leto.

Feyd: NGL, I’ll marry, kiss, and smash that one.

Irulan: But isn’t he like your distant uncle or something?

Feyd: You do know that we’re all related to one another, right?

Irulan: Right. We’re all married to Paul. So let’s play another game.

Feyd: How about we annoy and ruin our husband’s very important, very crucial business meetings again?

Irulan: I wish we could, Feyd, but the last time we did that, Emperor “I’m so special, I’m the Lisan Al Gaib” Paul punished us severely-

Feyd: Severely?! He just forced us to water all of his “sacred” arrakis palm trees for 2 weeks!

Irulan: Well, he’s currently talking to that angry looking Gurney Halleck guy. So-

Feyd: All the better!

Irulan: Better? For you?

Feyd: Gurney Halleck hates me. So I want to ruin his day as well.

Irulan: To be fair, Feyd, Gurney only hates you because you’re a living breathing Harkonnen.

Feyd: No, he hates me because I’m obviously perfect and pretty.😌💅