#but cancelled bc im sooo tired now

[fatcowboys]

I keep forgetting that I'm still not at a full two weeks out from surgery and keep doing Too Much sir calm down you didn't leave your house for a week and a half you just bc you're not in constant pain doesnt mean you can start going on long adventures yet!!! take a minute damn!!!

[d3ardum8di4ry]

December 16th 2024 2:59am

WAKE UP ITS FINE SHYT LOREEEE ‼️

ermmm so about like a week ago i met this guy on a dating app and he was so hot i thought he was a catfish. BUT HE WAS REAL WTFF. i didn’t find his face card super attractive at first tbh.. but as we started snapping why was he so perfect?? like i was my full self cuz im tired of lying but he loved it lowk?? HE WAS EVEN ASKING TO FT LIKE HE WAS ASKING NOT ME!! so when he asked to hangout i knew i couldn’t sell. i was so stressed and really wanted to cancel but i didn’tttt. i def could’ve gotten kidnapped or killed but yk it is what it is. see that was not my only questionable decision tho… but we’ll get there! but basically, he picked me up and said i look even prettier in person BUT HEE was sooo much more attractive than his pictures!? even cuter than i thought after the snaps!! hello!!??!? anyway so i’m not even able to make eye contact and literally go non verbal for the drive bc i am SO nervous. so we went to his house and we talked for like 4-5 hours. we watched movies and literally spilled LOREEE. and eventually later like he kept implying that we should kiss. so i full send and why is he THE BEST KISSER. he smells so good and his jawline is so so defined. ALSO I ACCIDENTALLY GAVE HIM A HICKEY- sorry luvr! anyway so one thing leads to another and his dong is OUT AND I CASUALLY FIND OUT THAT ITS THE THICKNESS OF MY FOREARM, EIGHT INCHES LONG AND FUCKING CURVED LIKE A MF CANDY CANE. that shit has my jaw on the floor 10/10 dong. biggest i’ve EVER seen. i high-five it and blow it a kiss and when i get bored of BLOWING kisses i hopped on it EL OH EL. he kept telling me i didn’t have to if i didn’t want to but girl i NEEDEED. it didn’t not fit i couldn’t get it in it hurt so so bad. but FELT SO FUCKING GOOD HOLY MOOTHER FUCKUNGBSHIT???? oh my god bro. anyway. so then i hope off cuz it’s not fitting and he goes soft.. and im like oh.. ok? and that shit will not come back up. we literally had a keep convo about his performance anxiety dong still out and all. he was so frustrated w himself it actually made me so sad he’s an angel who just didn’t wanna disappoint me. so we put on music and we just keep talking idk i love talking to him mannn. and the we get to kissing again bc yk i can’t keep my actual face off of his.. he’s gorgeous, and sweet and funny and real. anyway so i start kissing his neck and hey! guess who came back to life dongkey kong shlong! we legit looked at eachother and just knew but ofc he still asked. it took some adjustment but there i was… pillow under my ass, massive eggplant ripping my prickly muffin in TWO. RAW RAW RAW RAW RAW RAWRAWRARARWRWW i let this fucking sexy stranger hit it raw bro!!??? my brain was on zero bad but it was so fucking good bro. so good. he finished in me and it was so hot how he just collapsed on me like yes come here. DIDK STILL IN ME AND ALL. he got up and offered to carry me to the bathroom?? stfu angel angel angel. i’m so in love w him and he doesn’t even know LMAO like he thinks it’s funny i’m so fucking downbad. i got really lucky i literally could’ve died or got clap had i not been right about his intentions. anyway we hung out for like another hour and then we left. he drove me home and we talked the whole entire time. and he even kissed me before i left the car and waited til i got in to leave. HELP?? i’m so irrevocably in love. i wanna be with him so bad. oh but shocker he’s been damaged asf by a girl and doesn’t want anything serious yet! DIE. ugh. anyway. now i feel extreme anxiety and guilt but i just have issues when it comes to sex. i think im just overthinking. idk but i think we’re gonna fall in love in fact i know amen. i love you fine shyt!

[gildedskull]

My friends ‘kidnapped’ me to go out and hang with everyone. Not really lots of complaints down below but I do talk about the nothing that happened. This blog’s a fuckin diary okay.

It was nice going out, we went to the city and went to some cool stores but liek,,, I really didn’t have a good time. I was with my other friend, not the 😬 friend, but the mutual friend who i planned to also cut off things off so they weren’t caught in the middle of everything. It was other friend and their sister, and then mutual friend who is 😬 friend’s roommate. It was 😬 friend’s idea and they had slept through the ‘kidnapping’ part of it, missed hanging out in the city for like 4 hours, and then we were only together at their place for like 2 hours, if that.

So. Like. Didn’t have a great time. Like it wasn’t bad, but it definitely didn’t show me that I was missing out on anything. That I needed friends. For one I was just fucking tired, like for no reason, and I had a headache the entire time. And then we just did nothing which is fine I guess but I felt like I was doing nothing but wasting time. And the thing that like sucks that’s no one’s fault is how long it took do everything, like they kidnapped me, we drove an hour to pickup the roommate, and then spent another hour and a half driving to the location and wasting some time at just generic Target before getting to the cool part of the area (thrift shops, bars, antique shops). And the cool part wasn’t so cool because we just went to the same two shops and everythings expensive as fuck - we did go to a cool place called the rabbit hole and I bought some things but otherwise it just felt like we were wasting time but not in the fun way. The entire time I had a headache, and we didn’t really talk about anything important, and then we got the roommate and she just doesn’t know how to stop talking and like that didn’t make my headache better - like it was so bad I was being sensitive to lights and getting car sick... I didn’t say much bc I didn’t want to ruin people’s time. They did give me some aspirin that didn’t help. I tried downing coffee and an energy drink and I was still so fucking tired, like it most definitely effected the amount of fun I was having but like I don’t know if I felt bad bc no reason or bc I knew I was hanging out with them and didn’t want to.

But like, this entire thing was 😬 Friend’s idea and they didn’t show up. And I wanted to maybe talk to mutual friend about it but felt weird doing it in front of their sister - but even then I didn’t say shit to friend, I told the sister about it!!! And I think I did because I knew she wouldn’t say anything, like she didn’t disapprove or was like shocked or proud or nothing, she just absorbed it which I think was nice. I think I didn’t tell Friend 2 about it bc I knew they’d feel awkward or hurt, or feel like they have to walk on eggshells or smthing idk.

But I told the Sister, and she was cool about it and was even like hey we’ll have a signal when we wanna leave their apartment - we didn’t end up using it but yeah it was still nice of her to be like that. And like I told her when we were in a place where I knew we wouldn’t be alone for long, so like I knew she couldn’t console me. I feel only kinda bad like ‘putting this on her shoulders’ but its really not that major, I said it was a ‘secret’ and I don’t think she’ll tell friend 2, but I’m not bothered if she does. I’d be okay with that and I hope she doesn’t feel bad about keeping it.

At the apartment it felt weird seeing them again. Like they mostly acted like nothing happened, and just berated me saying to care about the people who care about me - and I’m like they don’t fucking care about me but yeah. I was pleasant, I didn’t say anything - I actually didn’t say anything to them at all. They were like bro wtf and again doing the general like hey don’t be a piece of shit and don’t contact people, and I just :I and nodded - fuck I barely made eye contact with them. They hugged me coming and going and it felt bad and wrong. They have no clue how I feel and how hurt I was and am, and I don’t think they’ll ever understand. They updated me on like their family issues  and then was like yeah man you missed out on dnd - I didn’t tell them but again was like bro I don’t give a flying fuck about dnd, I’m done, I fucking quit, you and your friends are too fucking much. I gave them as much of a cold shoulder as I could without making the entire social setting weird. Again. No one noticed anything.

My birthday and halloween are coming up soon and it’s my favorite holiday and it’s friend’s 2 favorite holiday and we always always always throw a party that turns into my birthday party, my birthday is nov 1 - we haven’t talked anything about plans - but I think that’s because previously I invited them over to my sister’s house where we’d watch movies and dress up and drink with their big projector screen. I’m dreading any of them bringing that up. Again they have no fucking clue about anything. And I know my sister knows about what the plan was, about the party that was gonna happen, hell she was just as excited as us, and I don’t want to tell her about what’s going on. I don’t want to have to say yeahhhh, that thing you were excited about cancel it bc im being a bitch baby with my friends and trying to cut them off. And even then, if they try and do their own party and invite me, I don’t think I couldn’t go; like I think they’d find that suspicious as fuck AND try and kidnap me again. I mean Ima try in all my power to not go, but this will be what finally ‘rocks the boat’ I think. Frankly I’m just hoping no one says anything and forgets about it, I was generally the one making the plans for it so fingers crossed.

I thought I could maybe try and stay friends with friend 2 after the outing but they’re sooo much friends with Them and Roommate that I’d have to tolerate spending time with them and I don’t think that’d be fun for anyone. I don’t think I should have to put myself through that, I’m sick of compromising for everyone. I really really like friend 2 and their friendship and want to stay in their life but I don’t want to suffer and I don’t want them to feel bad for being caught in the middle whatsoever. Like I’m sooo tempted to just going back and being friends, but I’m tired. I’ve read my old posts, I remember my feelings and how hurt i’ve been - and I have changed and they’ve changed, but that doesn’t make that time invalid and doesn’t make the most recent shit invalid, like they’ve still be hurting me all this time - I’ve spent years hurting and I’m finally putting my foot down and refusing to be hurt. I don’t want to go back to bending over backwards and taking the high ground, I’m sick of it. It’s been a toxic ass relationship, and I no longer feel ‘guilty’ for not being their friend and confidant, they have roommate now and a home and a place, and other people who love them. They’ll be okay without me and I’ll be better without them.