#but bones isn't an elf (damn it)

[gloryinthunder]

I used to really love the first romance scene with Astarion (and I still do) but it hits so much harder after you know why he's doing it. That he's purposefully seducing you for protection and blood, that he's forcing himself to sleep with you, and this is a mask he's wearing.

It's a sexy scene and really feeds into the vampy (pun intended) jump-your-bones version of him you get at the start of the game. The whole thing starts out with him being so confident and suave, saying that he's wanted you ever since he set eyes on you and how you want to be known and tasted. It's like everyone's perfect vampire romance novel.

He's laying out the bait that's worked thousands of times over and luring you in. And you can just get right to the kissing if you want.

But, you can also stop and ask him, "And what do you want?"

And for just a moment the mask drops. This is not the same cocky seductive face we've had up until now. This is vulnerability showing. When has anyone asked him what he wants? When has anyone cared? Does he even know the answer to that question?

So he pivots. The mask snaps back into place immediately. He turns back into the master seducer and feeds you a line about shared ecstasy to get you back on track.

And then comes what is, to me, the pivotal moment. He asks you "That's what you want, isn't it? To lose yourself in me?"

Looking at his body language he seems unsure at first, maybe questioning his previous tactics. Then he slightly cowers back, lowering himself as he asks the question. The total opposite of his confidence from earlier where he's standing with his arms out wide.

He's not sure what you want anymore. You're not playing by the rules he knows. Why haven't you taken the bait yet? Why haven't you thrown yourself at him?

And when you finally Nod in agreement, confirming you're here for sex?

This. This is the face he gives you. He just looks so damn sad. To me, it hearkens back to "Of course it'll turn me into a monster. What else did I expect?"

Whatever momentary blip made him question why you're there with him, he's just been reassured about both of your roles in this situation.

He sounds so quietly resigned when he answers: "I thought so."

And then the scene transitions into the actual act. I do like to think Astarion enjoyed himself as I'm sure the PC did, but it's hard for me to watch this scene now that I know his story and history without being uncomfortable.

Just that line "lose yourself in me" is so difficult to hear. Because on paper it's so sensual. Who wouldn't want a lover to feel that way about them? But knowing the context of what Astarion expects and believes in this moment is just... oof.

And to me, this is what makes this scene brilliant. The writing, voice acting, and the mocap/animation are all just SO GOOD. It's so delicately done and Astarion the character is so good at playing a role that you can completely gloss over the deeper stuff. But once the mask is eventually stripped away you can't help but see what was there the whole time.

And as we've established, being seen is a whole aspect of Astarion's romance arc.

I originally romanced Astarion for the same reasons I'm sure most did: he's a hot, sexy vampire elf (i.e. everything that's on the surface). But, I keep coming back to him over and over again for the person I know is waiting for me underneath the mask.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

so in your fic there's Sirius/Barty Jr ship. i reread your analytics of their character and pretty understand the connection. but i would still like to read opinion about their ship 👀

Glad you enjoy my various writing!

Yeah, okay, so Sirius/Barty Jr is a little rare pair my beta reader and I came up with for a different fic that never really got written, but we liked it so much it made it into my current fic, A Matter of Chance.

I'll note that it's gonna take quite some time in A Matter of Chance until Sirius and Barty actually meet and even longer until they get together in any meaningful way (but also my writing plans are super vague, so I don't really know). So there's some waiting until that tag is gonna be relevant. That being said, why I ship them and my thoughts on the ship:

So, I wrote a bunch about Sirius, and a bit less about Barty, but they have, like, a lot in common:

They're both incredibly loyal.

They both suffered Azkaban.

The way Sirius described Barty's father always struck me as him being familiar with the situation: "should've spent more time at home" and might've been showing the bitterness towards Orion.

They both have reason to hate Crouch Sr for sending them to the dementors.

They both care about Harry (pretty shocking on Barty's part, but it truly seems like he does) and are as involved as they can be.

both of them are hands-on in their approach, of, well, literally anything.

I feel Sirius and Barty would get each other's sense of humor that's a bit on the crueler side too. They won't make the other feel guilty over stupid shit.

They also communicate in a similarly straightforward way. They say what they think pretty damn clearly when they're free to do so.

So, as you can see, they have a surprising amount of things in common. As for Barty being a Death Eater, well, I illustrated in my posts about him that I don't think he was that much of a loyal Death Eater and I don't think he tortured the Longbottoms (it's outright stated in the books he wasn't caught with the Lestranges, but with a different group of Death Eaters that walked free!). I think Barty was a Death Eater more as a teenage rebellion than truly believing in everything (though he likely isn't a fan of Muggles). Like, the way Sirius went all in on Dumbledore and the Order as rebellion, Barty did in the opposite direction.

I don't think Barty really killed and tortured many people, but unlike Draco or Regulus I think he could if he felt he needed to, he isn't as sadistic as Bellatrix (or Sirius, honestly). He's tamer but still colder and more willing to respond with violence than Draco or Lucius.

The main quote I'm basing this ship on is the entire conversation in which Sirius talks about Barty in GoF:

Sirius smiled grimly. “Crouch’s own son was caught with a group of Death Eaters who’d managed to talk their way out of Azkaban. Apparently they were trying to find Voldemort and return him to power.” “Crouch’s son was caught?” gasped Hermione. “Yep,” said Sirius, throwing his chicken bone to Buckbeak, flinging himself back down on the ground beside the loaf of bread, and tearing it in half. “Nasty little shock for old Barty, I’d imagine. Should have spent a bit more time at home with his family, shouldn’t he? Ought to have left the office early once in a while . . . gotten to know his own son.” He began to wolf down large pieces of bread. “Was his son a Death Eater?” said Harry. “No idea,” said Sirius, still stuffing down bread. “I was in Azkaban myself when he was brought in. This is mostly stuff I’ve found out since I got out. The boy was definitely caught in the company of people I’d bet my life were Death Eaters — but he might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, just like the house-elf.” “Did Crouch try and get his son off?” Hermione whispered. Sirius let out a laugh that was much more like a bark. [...] Crouch’s fatherly affection stretched just far enough to give his son a trial, and by all accounts, it wasn’t much more than an excuse for Crouch to show how much he hated the boy . . . then he sent him straight to Azkaban.” “He gave his own son to the dementors?” asked Harry quietly. “That’s right,” said Sirius, and he didn’t look remotely amused now. “I saw the dementors bringing him in, watched them through the bars in my cell door. He can’t have been more than nineteen. They took him into a cell near mine. He was screaming for his mother by nightfall. He went quiet after a few days, though . . . they all went quiet in the end . . . except when they shrieked in their sleep. . . .” For a moment, the deadened look in Sirius’s eyes became more pronounced than ever, as though shutters had closed behind them. “So he’s still in Azkaban?” Harry said. “No,” said Sirius dully. “No, he’s not in there anymore. He died about a year after they brought him in.” “He died?” “He wasn’t the only one,” said Sirius bitterly. “Most go mad in there, and plenty stop eating in the end. They lose the will to live. You could always tell when a death was coming, because the dementors could sense it, they got excited. That boy looked pretty sickly when he arrived. [...] Wasted away just like the boy. Crouch never came for his son’s body. The dementors buried him outside the fortress; I watched them do it.”

Sirius talks about Crouch Sr and Barty's relationship. He knows a surprising lot about Barty's backstory and childhood for someone who didn't even know for sure if he was a Death Eater and only found these things out after he escaped. Like, where did he learn all this from (sure, he likely read old newspapers, but how much of this information is actually likely to be there?). He also talks about both Bartys with a certain familiarity "ol' Barty". He's dull and bitter over Barty's death, he watched the only "funeral" Barty got, probably the only "attendant" besides the dementors. And he talks about hearing Barty screaming until he died in Azkaban... Yeah, I like that angst, I'm so here for an Azkaban romance (and post-Azkaban romance).

And, like, Barty was in Regulus' year, they probably joined the Death Eaters around the same time, maybe even together. And Sirius probably didn't talk to Barty at all his own when they were in school, he had no reason to, but he knew his little brother hung out with him occasionally. And from the quote above it's clear Sirius felt sorry for him, felt sympathy for someone else he thought might've been innocent. Someone in the same situation as he is that he might've felt protective over, like he could succeded in saving Regulus this time. And Barty has no one, basically, no friends, no family, just haunting memories, a situation Sirius is so familiar with. And Sirius is like a sorta friend, he's basically Regulus if you squint (not at all but at first), they share an experience (and hatred for Crouch Sr) that could feel so isolating when speaking to someone who doesn't know. He's someone Barty could potentially trust since neither of them trusts the ministry, or Voldemort, or Dumbledore. They can be in their own little corner where they have no one (well, Harry is there, but no other adults. Remus has way more faith in Dumbledore than Sirius does)

So, imagine this: Sirius lost everyone, he lost James, he lost his brother, he and Barty are in the same boat. So, like, imagine them talking quietly through the bars, each treating the other as a Regulus stand-in even if their personalities are more similar to each other than to Regulus. This grows into somewhat getting to know each other, something that's almost friendship. A cold comfort in the coldness of Azkaban. Then, Barty seemingly stops talking to Sirius and dies soon after, and Sirius doesn't know what to make of it. After Barry dies, he starts staying in Padfoot form more and more.

And then, post-Azkaban, they gonna meet again and bond over escaping Azkaban and caring about Harry.

There'll be healing. There'll be bad coping mechanisms. There'll be a desperation for any familiar connection and a lot of dark humor. They're on the run from both Voldemort and the ministry. And, like, if anyone thinks Sirius Orion Black won't be willing to help get away from Crouch Sr's body, they don't know Sirius Black.

Like, I think they'd just get each other, but also keep making incorrect assumptions about each other at the same time all the while being desperate for what the other represents — people they lost, time they lost. I think it's a fun concept with angst potential.

They're also both incredibly intelligent and skilled wizards (Barty tricked the Goblet of Fire, which is no easy feat). I think they could see each other, eventually after they get over the initial mess of shared losses, as equals and partners in crime. They just have such a vibe, idk. Like, I imagine them pseudo-parenting Harry together, and all I can come up with would be hilarious, but also, like, surprisingly good for Harry. Harry needs more people in his life who would appreciate him for him, more people that'll raise his ridiculously low self-esteem.

Do you know who's the first character to tell Harry he has talents? Barty Jr.

“Well, I’m not going to tell you,” said Moody gruffly. “I don’t show favoritism, me. I’m just going to give you some good, general advice. And the first bit is — play to your strengths.” “I haven’t got any,” said Harry, before he could stop himself. “Excuse me,” growled Moody, “you’ve got strengths if I say you’ve got them. Think now. What are you best at?”

(GoF, 344)

Basically, I think they'd be messed up, but also make it work under their specific circumstances.

(Can you tell I love trauma bonding ships?)

[i-m-screaming-very-loudly-inside]

this probably isn't a hot take, but whenever I get to the point in a conversation where I'm talking about Star Trek characters playing DnD (it would probably always happen, I need the other person to let me talk long enough), I always get real hung up on explaining the concept that

Bones will always play Cleric, and complain about it.

I'm not done,

He will complain about the nature of the spells, he will complain about his friends getting injured, he will complain about being the only healer, he will complain if the party don't rest, he'll complain about spending all day tending people and then going and doing it all again, in the break room after work in a pretend fantasy world!

and they cave, and even Jim starts to think maybe it's a little unfair, and isn't sure how Bones got trapped in this anyhow.

Jim makes a half-elf cleric with sparkly hair and a backstory about their family being eaten by mermaids. Spock makes a druid to fill out the spells a bit so they don't run out, Scotty makes a fighter called Worp (second name might sound a bit like Core, but shh), and Uhura is playing her openly declared favourite class which is a bard.

The stage is set for another DPS.

Bones plays a Ranger.

he. cannot. stand. it.

ten minutes he's already twitchy, thirty minutes and someone makes the mistake of mentioning rangers get spell slots at a higher level and he keeps surreptitiously asking when that is.

2 tortorous hours later and he gives up.

Sorry Bones, we weren't healing right x)

...damn right u weren't, he smiles because he knows tho.

the party had never been so healthy in hp, but next session they all know Bones is loving every minute.

anyway yeah, if you met someone irl who tried to explain this chances are they were me, congrats on finding my blog lol

I may try again if I think it didn't hit hard enough or summat or I have more to say, be warned x)

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

Lavender and Starflower (Mobster AU) – Chapter 6

The Dekarios Clan reigns over Waterdeep as the city’s protector for centuries. Suddenly, the Clan gets challenged by Cazador, the head of the Szarr Clan that rules over Baldur’s Gate. Of course, such an attack won’t be tolerated and the intruder must be forced back and out of the City of Splendors. While fixing destroyed protection sigils, Gale, wizard prodigy and heir of the Dekarios Clan, meets a charming stranger called Astarion. And Gale makes the biggest mistake of his life; he invites the pale elf into his home.

Trigger warning (18+): graphic description of sex, smut, angst, emotional rollercoaster, mobster AU

I was inspired to start writing this fic when I saw this artwork by @arczism

Map of Waterdeep: here

According to the game, sussur flowers nullify nearby magic and smell of honey.

The poem's my own, but inspired by "A Kiss" by Howard Simon (and the Mizora romance option).

This is obviously an AU that isn't related to my other work.

The autumn night was still warm and Astarion strutted through Waterdeep with the leather jacket thrown over his shoulder.

In the Dock Ward, he entered a non-descript corner house without difficulty. The perks of entering a house who's owner was long dead – or better said undead.

Cazador had bought the safe house a couple of months ago to do his stupid scheming about his stupid plan in this stupid city.

Astarion sighed, leaning against the door.

"Took you long enough," said a sharp voice.

Astarion startled, then, he huffed in annoyance.

"Really, Aurelia, have a bit more faith in me."

The addressed snorted deprecatingly, retorting: "Faith? In you? Don't be silly."

"Hey, I did as I was told and seduced him."

"Yes, that's the only thing you're good at," the other vampire spawn replied coldly.

Astarion glared at her angrily and crossed his arms.

"So what now?"

"Now, you stay Dekarios' bed warmer, gather information and then..." Grinning nastily, Aurelia handed him a collar. It was made of soft but sturdy black leather and smelled slightly of honey. As soon as Astarion touched it, his knees went weak and he felt the bit of magic that was in his undead body wane.

"What the hells is this?" he gasped.

"A collar with dried sussur flowers sewn in between the layers of leather," the tiefling explained. "You know what it's for."

Astarion felt instantly sick. Aurelia's grin grew wider and nastier.

"Master's already waiting for his powerful meal." She patted his cheek in a mockery of affection. "Don't mess it up, brother, or you'll regret it. But don't worry; you know I'm very talented and skilled at skinning and breaking bones. Toodeloo."

And with these words, she exited the house, leaving a miserable elf behind.

What am I doing? Astarion thought, his legs trembling. I can't – I don't want to – but I have to. Damn it.

He took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

Everything will be fine, he told himself. I'll manage. I don't have any feelings for him. None at all. He's just another conquest.

But he knew, of course, that it was a futile effort to delude himself. Astarion was fucked.

He fed on some rats that were kept and bred for exactly said purpose in the basement of the safe house. Another one of these unsettling living skeletons – like Godey in the Szarr Palace in Baldur's Gate – took care of them and kept the house tidy. Astarion hated to be in its presence. It reminded him of all the times spent in the kennels being punished for his disobedience.

Upstairs, in the spawn's quarter, Astarion packed his bag, and before he left, he took a bath and dowsed himself in his signature perfume.

Be brave. Everything will be fine.

Shortly before dawn, he left the house, locked it, and walked a few blocks down the street. Then, he pressed the teleportation stone against his chest and murmured: "Gale Dekarios, Archmage of Waterdeep."

The air around him shifted, it felt like falling from a great height and then, Astarion found himself in a familiar corridor. Panelled wooden walls with paintings, red, plush carpets, potted plants lined up like soldiers, and a welcoming oakwood door right in front of his nose. The Dekarios Estate. It had worked. Astarion sighed in relief and knocked on the door of Gale's suite.

"Come in!"

The vampire spawn involuntarily smiled and entered the cosy quarter. Gale stood in front of the balcony door, a cup of tea in his hands, dressed only in an half-open robe. It was a breathtaking view. The wizard beamed at him and placed his teacup on the round table.

"Hello, Astarion, I'm glad to see you."

"I'm glad to be here," replied the addressed coquettishly and strutted towards the wizard, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I missed you, darling."

The kiss was slow but passionate, and Astarion took his time, exploring Gale's mouth, running his tongue over the hot palate. The wizard moaned and pulled the vampire spawn closer.

So predictable, so easy, so...

Astarion broke the kiss and gazed at Gale from underneath his lashes.

"I missed you," he repeated with a purr.

"I missed you too," replied the wizard, blushing slightly.

How adorable. Astarion grabbed Gale's robe and pushed it off his shoulders, letting it pool on the floor.

"Take me to bed, darling. I want to make you feel good."

Relief flooded through him when Gale didn't ask any stupid questions, but led him straight into the bedroom.

At last. All he had to do was fuck the wizard's brains out until he ate out of the palm of his hand. Easy-peasy.

Astarion let himself be manhandled, making his mind go blank and fuzzy. No need to think, no need to feel. Just let the body do what it supposed do.

He moaned right on cue as Gale kissed his neck.

"Do you like this?" asked the wizard. "Tell me what else you like."

To the hells with Gale and his damn mouth. Couldn't he just shut up and not ruin everything?

"Stop asking questions and put your mouth on me!" Astarion snapped, too sharply, but he was running out of patience.

"Alright..." Gale sounded taken aback. "Where do you want –"

"On my cock."

The wizard moved downwards and engulfed him, and finally, finally, his mouth was too occupied to talk.

Astarion moaned and rolled his hips up.

Usually, his marks didn't go down on him. Gale was the first in nine years to do so, and Astarion wanted to enjoy it. Mewling, he arched off the bed and into that clever mouth.

"Mmh, yes! More, darling!"

The vampire spawn whined when the wizard wiggled a finger into him. It was slippery with oil and Astarion had no idea when or how that had happened.

Gale opened him up gently while running his tongue along his cock. It was almost too good to be true. Astarion buried his hands in the wizard's hair, writhing.

"I'm so close," he whined. "Gods, please..."

Gale hummed and that was it. With a loud moan, Astarion's hips bucked up and he spilled down the wizard's throat. Urgently, he dragged Gale off his cock and smashed their lips together. The vampire spawn could taste himself, but he didn't care. It was amazing, perfect even. The best sex he'd had in over a century.

"Fuck me," he groaned. "Fuck my brains out."

"Astarion..."

"No. Please, now, Gale."

The wizard complied, of course he did, and Astarion gasped when he was entered.

He didn't like it when people towered over him. It always felt too claustrophobic. But not with Gale.

Astarion gazed up at the wizard's blissed-out face, revelling in the latter's moans and gasps. He wrapped his legs around Gale's waist and his arms around his neck.

"Fuck me, darling," he demanded.

And Gale finally started to move. Slow but precise thrusts, using just the right angle. Panting, the wizard bent down, their lips slotting together in a messy kiss. Astarion moaned, arching his back. His mind threatened to slip away.

"Poetry," he gasped. "Quote a poem for me, darling."

"Now?" groaned the addressed.

"Yes."

Despite his sex-muddled mind, Gale recognised the urgency of Astarion's words. He didn't know why and he wondered about the cause.

"Please, Gale, now," pleaded the vampire spawn, fighting the urge to close his eyes and float away.

"I'm… thinking," panted the wizard. "Not the – mmh! – easiest thing right now."

Astarion wheezed out a laugh and Gale tried his best to think clearly. He rested his head on the vampire spawn's shoulder and, after another moment, complied to his wish.

"'The fire of passion burns in me like the Nine Hells,

desire and longing are not tameable with any spells.

The flames of lust enwrap me like a devil's embrace.

I shed my shame, climax and release is what I chase.

I break my heavy shackles in the prison of craving,

churning and roaring like the River Styx, cascading.

No longer can I keep my bottled up emotions at bay.

My appetite's insatiable, like a predator's for prey.

I want to devour you, flesh and bone,

and kiss away every gasp and moan.

A flurry of bodies, limbs, hands, lips, and tongue,

in this moment of passion, we're forever young.

I give in to the burning inferno of love,

but I don't fear the wrath from above.

Every kiss, every move, is a salute to the carnal art,

filled with beauty and awe, and sunshine in my heart.

We're floating on ecstasy as time stands still,

every time anew, sex with you is a pleasant thrill.'"

Astarion climaxed with a guttural cry, his sharp nails digging into Gale's back and scalp, as he shook and shook, and almost passed out because of the intensity of his orgasm.

Never before did he feel this way. Never before did anyone bring him this much bliss. Never before did he –

"Gale..." panted Astarion. "My love..."

The wizard's breath hitched before he moaned and came, collapsing onto the pale elf. His hand found its way into Astarion's hair and it just rested there while Gale panted against the vampire spawn's neck and shoulder. Harsh, hot, humid puffs of air. Astarion should be disgusted, it always had been, but right now, he didn't mind. Because it was Gale. Not a random stranger he had to bring back to Cazador. Not a mark. Well... Astarion's undead heart ached and he turned his head to capture Gale's lips in a lazy but desperate kiss.

Cazador wasn't allowed to have him. Gale was his.

[killroadz]

𝘼 𝙎𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙢 𝙤𝙛 𝙀𝙮𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨

"𝙄 𝙗𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝙄, 𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙥 𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙨 𝙢𝙚. 𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙗𝙖𝙡, 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙚."

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Trigger Warnings: Cults. (duh) and kidnapping. Extremely small kink mention that is meant to be there as a joke ish.

Jack's full name is Evan Nicholas Jackson. He just calls himself Jack because he thinks Evan is an ugly name.

Jack is 23 years old. He went to collage and studied to be a doctor.

It uses He/It pronouns, but it wouldn't mind if you used any other pronouns.

Jack is 8'2, he hits his head on every doorframe. He used to play basketball in school so he was already tall then. Then when he became a demon, that made him when taller. He cannot fit in a normal sized bed.

He is rather athletic, he played several sports during Middle School and High School, plus he has 5 little siblings (three were boys two were girls). So he often had to run to make sure they didn't get hurt. This also makes him great with children.

However, he never wanted to be a famous football or basketball player. He wanted to be a doctor or a vet, he wanted to help people. He is extremely skilled with both animals and humans.

Jack is pretty beefy ngl. Not like, extremely muscular, but...beefy ish.

He's African American, but after becoming a demon, his skin became a dark blueish-gray color.

Jack has an equal amount of human and demon features, he isn't all animal-like. He has long serrated claws that can sheathe and unsheathe, long elf-ish ears, and a long tail that has a bit of fur on the end. That's about it. He also has canine-like teeth that can deliver a pretty damn painful bite.

Jack has black locs, they have those small golden bits in his hair.

The tar in his eyes only pours out his eyes when he's sad or angry.

Speaking of the tar in his eyes, it tastes like Coca-Cola and edible, and you can put it in your food, ask EJ for permission though.

He doesn't only eat kidneys, he'll fucking eat all your organs, and your skin until there is bone. (He has done that)

Jack is usually quiet, he sneaks around the manor and despite his size, you can almost never hear him coming.

He is curious! Jack will always get into other people's business if he can.

It runs on pretty much only human organs, mountain dew, and cat meat.

He really enjoys horror games, his favorite is any game made by Puppet Combo, his least being Poppy Playtime. It's because of Jack's overwhelming terror of dolls. (Thank Toy Story for that fear)

Despite it being tall as a motherfucker, it is flexible and can fit in small spaces such as closets, under beds, inside couches etc, and wait for its next victim.

He sleeps like, almost all the time. Hunting for humans takes up a lot of his energy so he usually comes back from his hunts very tired.

Its body temperature can willingly change. When it is cold, Jack's body becomes warm, when it's hot, Jack's body becomes cold. How does this work? Only god knows.

During Jack's entire (stable) life, he basically lived a normal life.

He had a great relationship with his family, had great grades and had friends. (God you that were you huh?)

Y'know, until he got into that weird cult.

He just thought the people in that cult were just some weirdos that obbessed over a character from a book or something, he didn't care much about it, and never thought of it ass a whole ass cult.

Until the leader of said cult kidnapped him and took him out into the middle of the woods with every other person from the cult and tore his eyes out using a dagger, and dumped tar into his eyes. (He can still see somehow)

Worst summer break ever am I right?

Surprisingly Jack wasn't that upset about it. He was like, "Oh. So that happened." He DID however get revenge and killed the cult members like...a year later.

Probablyhasabreedingkink

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Would y'all believe me if I said this took a week to do? No? Good because it isn't true.

Have a great day and stay tuned.

Reblogs > Likes

[clownsecret]

The Worst-Case Scenario

Fandom: Baldur's Gate Three Rating: Somewhere between M and E Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Real Bad Swears, Use of Power Word: Scrunch, Probably Sex Eventually Maybe, Just Cazador's Whole Existence Characters: Astarion, The Dark Urge, Cazador Szarr Pairings: Astarion/Durge, Durge/Cazador, Astarion/Cazador, Astarion/Cazador/Durge Summary: When the Nautiloid swoops down on Baldur's Gate, snatching people up, Astarion isn't the only vampire it kidnaps- Cazador gets got as well, and this is the worst case scenario.

Ao3 Link

The bard was a freak, and completely untrustworthy. Obviously. Astarion had so hoped he'd find some poor, kindly, immensely powerful sap who would generously devote their entire being to helping him find a way to control the tadpole and then reach Baldur's Gate and kill Cazador. Unfortunately, he was beginning to suspect that he'd have to make do with this mentally unstable bard with a stupid name instead. He grimaced, wondering if he'd really fallen this far, if he'd really come so low as to accept help from someone so clearly unsound and unsafe. Astarion watched the Drow's retreating back and could only shake his head a little in disbelief. Nearly two hundred years combing the seediest bars and nastiest alleys in Baldur's Gate- a city notorious for its history of playing home to more than enough strange and dangerous folk- and he'd still never met anyone as bizarre as this bard. When he'd first seen the Under-elf, the man had been walking the decks of the Mindflayer ship, strutting about with a Gith as if he belonged there. Then, after the crash, Astarion had spotted him again, a day or so later, strolling up from the wreck, strumming a lyre and singing.

Whoever this man was, he was no normal bard, and he just might have been one of the most dangerous people Astarion had ever met. Even rattled as he was, with a gods-damned worm in his head, stranded in what might well be the absolute middle of nowhere, this was something Astarion felt relatively sure of. After two hundred years of his survival depending on it, if he knew anything at all it was how to tell a good mark from one that would hurt him, and this bard was as dangerous as they come. Astarion could feel the truth of this squirming in his guts, even as accepted the offered hand up off the ground, the offered place at the man's camp. Going with him was a mistake. He should run. He should do anything it took to get away from this strange Drow. Fear was a feeling he has grown to know so intimately over his cursed life as Cazador's spawn. He felt it like he knew his own bone marrow that there was something deeply, troublingly wrong with this man. From the second he held a knife to the Drow's throat and got bitten and thrown on his back in the dirt for his effort, Astarion had known that this was not a normal bard. The man had licked his face, for fuck's sake. Licked him, like a dog. Like a rabid little beast. Every instinct in his body was screaming that this was a monster in a man's flesh, and that he should run. Instead, for some reason Astarion couldn't even fathom, he took a step forward on still-shaking legs and started following the bard- whose name was, apparently, Darling Sweetheart, of all things- to his camp. As the two walked, he began cheerfully telling Astarion how he'd been gathering up other survivors from the crash, and the rogue was the fourth one he'd found so far, not counting a couple of mindflayers who'd survived the Gith attack on the ship and then the crash only to meet Darling's sword. The bard had been looking for the Gith he'd been following around on the ship when he'd stumbled upon Astarion, and asked if the rogue had seen her. He sounded disappointed when Astarion told him he hadn't. The first impression of Darling's camp, on arrival, was one of startlingly efficient practicality, and the location and composition of it spoke of someone who had experience moving about in the wilds. Darling had set it up on the cliffs, just off the road, in a copse of trees that hid it from sight when they approached it from the path, but from inside the camp itself the view of the road was unobstructed. Astarion did his level best to have a good look around as they arrived without looking like he was doing so. The bard didn't seem to notice, having stopped in his tracks to clutch at his head as if in intense pain. Astarion took advantage of Darling's distraction to survey what he was going to be working with. The second impression was that his first impression had to be mistaken, because there was no way anyone competent could have set up a camp so very, very badly. At once, he was filled with a crushing wave of disappointment so intense it was almost orgasmic. Aside from the superb choice of location, the camp is unbelievably shitty, barely more than a single sloppy structure that could, conceivably, be called a tent, and a shallow, hastily-made fire pit full of twigs and bunches of dry grass. Across the little clearing, a dark haired half-elf woman was trying and failing to erect another tent. Behind him, the Drow's breathing leveled out, and from the corner of his eye, Astarion could see him blink hard and shake his head, straightening up. The bard plastered a very forced smile on his face and waved a hand, mumbling something about a headache, and an assurance that it "almost certainly" wasn't "anything to do with the worm." That was, naturally, when he spotted Cazador.

[isabelpsaroslunnen]

It's not a deep insight or anything, but: I really, really love relationship dynamics that involve one person (or more) who is fey and at least a little weird and a bit lost in their own heads and in their eldritch drama, and then there's one other person (or more) who is comparatively "normal" but also deeply, deeply cool.

It doesn't need to be romantic, though I was thinking about this specifically because of my favorite Tolkien romances, which I've mentioned before.

Rambling a bit about those (Faramir with Éowyn and Andreth with Aegnor + Andreth's friendship with Finrod):

There's (book) Faramir with his wizardly/Elvish/Númenórean air, and strange insights and presence, haunted by nightmares of his ancestors' long-destroyed homeland, falling hard for Éowyn, who (despite her grandmother) seems much more aligned with the material world, Middle-earth and Rohan specifically, and impressive but fairly prosaic martial abilities. But damn does she ever have them; Tolkien describes her in battle as terrible, skilled, and deadly. She's not weird, but she's extremely cool and intense. I just love the dynamic there.

It's less overt in some ways, but in others even more pronounced with the glimpses we get of the tragic romance between the human wise-woman Andreth and the Elf-lord Aegnor, which extends in some odd ways to Andreth's friendship with Aegnor's brother, Finrod.

Andreth is fantastic—vibrant, challenging, bitter, brilliant, tightly linked with human nature and human ways of knowing the world. In the "Athrabeth," she's arguing with a famously philosophical high Elf out of Valinor who will later put up a decent magical song fight against Sauron and unless I'm totally misremembering, dies killing a werewolf with his teeth. Aegnor, her beloved, is fundamentally and tragically Elvish to the bone, and also a wildfire of a person where Andreth (though very spirited) is associated most with reason, wisdom, and human lore.

The Finrod-Andreth and Aegnor-Andreth dynamics are very different from Faramir and Éowyn's, but that contrast and attraction between someone who is aligned with the fey and eldritch side of things and someone who ... isn't really strange in that sense, but is surpassingly cool in a more material way is just a very fun dynamic that I like a lot.

[obsessedwiththedragonprince]

Se4 ep6 thoughts

I love how Soren sees the dragon and is immediately like: ✨️friends✨️? Big puppy energy. Looks so innocent!! Well that didn't go well.

No-one looking for Soren? Yikes. Wow Rayla took you long enough lmao. Not like he didn't come home last night!

Whatcha doing? while Ezran's discovering he's the new spiderman.

Zubeia will not be pleased.

Finally some thought to the freaking anonymous elf!! Did i mention how much i am loving the accent? Because yes.

Lmao Raylaa

What is this????

Like ig there was a different light source and they changed it later but does no-one watch this like, I dunno, a thousand times before it's released??

My distracted ass had to go make these gifs mid episode because why not. And this was my first time making one so when i clicked the tick and it didn't appear as an option in my videos from gallery i tried again. And again. And again. Then realised i had four of them in the gallery. So yeah. That happened.

Anyway continuing my watch. Lmaoo not even 6 minutes. Oops...

Poor Bait getting knocked overr. And again why can Ez see through Zym's eyes? Will we ever know?

Amaya it is not just a fricking candlee. Like I love you but show some respect please. Okay that escalated quickly. Is there no way to like, give the elf some comfort or something that doesn't involve killing? Like yes i actually get why death would be an appropriate punishment cause in their eyes extinguishing that candle is prolly worse than killing someone cause if u kill they still get to the afterlife but. I think the focus should also be on the elf and doing sth for his benefit?

Um i guess earthblood elves don't know he's the dragon prince? Cause otherwise they have some serious trouble coming. Is Callum going to save the day? This blackout transition was a bit unusual. Looked fine but not really their style?

Are we getting some info on elven politics? Masked guys? This little smile thing between Karim and one of Six Horns... he did some bribing? Hope not cause this could turn ugly. It prolly will who am i lying to.

'Don't u remember who u are' felt a little forced to me. They often have those inspiring speeches that don't feel like they belong there. Why isn't Callum flying around looking for Zym? And why wasn't he their 'eyes' to begin with?

The kiddo is back again! Kinda didn't like that was all we saw of him so welcome back!

Karim u little shit. I don't yet know what he's planning but i feel it in my bones it ain't nothing good. Best case he just wants them gone from Xadia. Hopefully.

Why did that elf go after Rayla? Because they are so-called protectors? That little Bait smile lmaooo. Another gif incoming.

I am a pro now.

Anyway.

Amaya on the side of the elves yes please. But i think she'll do the same Karim did with some kind of I dunno. Not clearing her of guilt completely but sth. Yess compassionate justice pleasee. I feel like they won't listen cause it'd be too good to be true but still. Prolly Karim bribing people won't help. Still not sure if he did.

This catching dragons really reminds me of HTTYD. This boy is the next Hiccup. N'than i love youuu.

Damn for a moment i really thought she'll cut her hands off. Ig that wouldn't really belong on screen but i thought the same for blood so...

this was so good!! I loved it! I actually cried Just hope Janai didn't undermine herself and look weak in the eyes of other elves. I feel like this was also more realistic so they didn't escalate things for no reason. Just show them all trying to get along. Sometimes successfully, other times less so. In love with how Janai said compassion

This entire scene was a masterpiece idc. How the architect broke down crying from relief and stress, the shrine idea, how the elf subtly accepted this as retribution, how it drove a divide between Karim and Janai, how logical the punishment was, it will be the greatest work of my life... just. Peak animation.

I knew it! The Pit of Despair, answer to all our prayers.

Will Karim and Janai fix things or will Karim not be understanding? Again a pretty scene, and Karim doesn't look hostile so far so yayy

I wanted to ask before but how long did Rayla and Soren actually knew each other? Cause i was under the impression that Rayla left practically at the end of se3 but Soren acted like they were kinda close earlier and now Rayla sounds really distressed?

Ohh Karimm lover boyy! Is he going to usurper her? Really?

Lmaoo Soren late to the party😂😂 omgg they're so cuteeee! ✨️friends✨️ for real now

The happiness on his face🥹

OMGG SIBLINGS REUNIONN!!!!

[modern-inheritance]

take your time to think about this one: izzy and oromis, do you ship it? why or why not?

Hey anon, sorry this took me a week or more.

Straightforward answer: that is a big heckin' no, my guy. I've never understood why people ship them. The only interaction we see happen between them (that I remember) is when Oromis and Glaedr reveal themselves to Eragon and Co. in Ellesméra, and it isn't all that pleasant of a conversation. Maybe it's because they're both the most plotwise important elves we meet in Eldest and we didn't have many others to pair up? Iunno. I guess I'm not much a fan of shipping in general.

To explain further, I honestly believe there is a chance Oromis is on the Aro-Ace spectrums. I'm projecting a bit, as I'm Aro-Ace myself (and damn does it show when I try to write courting dialogue....), but Oromis never mentions (as far as I'm aware) any romantic or sexual relationship he had or has when telling Eragon about himself and Glaedr. That's not unusual, especially as elves in canon IC are played as polyamorous and not nearly as monogamous as humans and dwarves and thus their romantic lives seem to be less of a huge point in their stories, but Oromis just strikes me as the married to being a Dragon Rider type. So that's considered MIC canon.

I also think that Inheritance Cycle canon Islanzadí, while respecting him and often seeking his advice, may have seen Oromis remaining in Ellesméra as a threat to her power. But I've never been all that keen on canon Islanzadí, so that might be biased.

In Modern Inheritance, Oromis and Islanzadí are somewhat friends, though they both understand that their friendship isn't exactly warm and is more a business relationship. When Arya would come back from the Varden on brief supply runs, Islanzadí would talk with Oromis after she left to try and get an update on her daughter. Oromis would tactfully give her the bare bones information but would always remind her that if she wanted more, she would have to speak to her kid and stop being such a (obviously not his words) utter tit about the whole banishment business. Before that, though, Islanzadí frequently asked Oromis for help or advice on how to best secure the elves after they fled into Du Weldenvarden.

Since it came up, I want to clarify for Modern Inheritance. While MIC!Elves are more okay with the whole poly stuff than humans or dwarves, as well as having multiple (spaced out) partners in a friends-with-benefits type situation, in MIC once an elf picks a romantic partner it is definitely more common for them to remain monogamous until they decide the relationship has run its course or they end up mated for life. Some just pick a romantic partner, skipping the whole sample box bit, others just keep going with that buffet. Ignore my terrible comparisons, I didn't get much sleep.

[nightraiderwrites]

Given Uneven Odds

Summary: The Sherrif was not always the Sheriff. Once upon a time, he was a different man.

Tw: body horror (he's slowly turning into a toy), unreality

¤¤¤¤¤

So- so the thing is, it's really hard to not wake up screaming.

And- and maybe it's because of the tightening of his skin around not quite organic bone, or maybe it's the stiffening of his rather squeaky joints, but he's pretty sure it's not quite that. No, it's the dreams. And the memories. And maybe a broken heart.

Because the Sheriff has lived many lives before. Countless incarnations, countless tragedies.

□□□

Once upon a time, the Sheriff was not the Sheriff, he was Jimmy.

Once upon a time, Jimmy grew up with friends. They ran around a world that changed, a world of Watchers and a world of chaos. A world where his friend was taken, and he didn't know where. Everything fell to chaos, and he couldn't do a damn thing.

Once upon a time, he died.

□□□

Once (no, twice) upon a time, the Sheriff was not the Sheriff, he was Jimmy.

Once (thrice) upon a time, Jimmy ran around a world of friends. And lovers. And enemies. And limited lives. He tried, so hard, to protect them. To protect him.

Once upon a time, he died.

□□□

Once (it's thrice, now) the Sheriff was not the Sheriff, he was Jimmy.

Once upon a time, he grew up under the sea, with his pink haired sister. They left, and he ruled the Swamp, and fell in love with the elf King in the mountains. Then the world ended. And it was his fault.

Once upon a time, he died.

□□□

Let's start again.

□□□

Once upon a time, there was a Sheriff.

Once upon a time, he makes himself the pillar of authority. Of control. He goes around installing laws that in turn install respect, and control. But they won't listen. He can't do anything.

Once upon a time...

□□□

So- so maybe the screaming isn't about the sudden hardening of his skin, or the pull string he found in his back. Maybe it isn't about suddenly being two feet shorter than he should be, or the loss of his reflexes. It's probably the dreams and the death, but really, who's counting?

Jimmy really, really doesn't want to die again. He doesn't want to sit back and watch as his world crumbles around him, and his friends die. He doesn't want to witness the deaths and tragedy to befall innocents. His power over what happens is controlled by his foresight, an ability he can never seem to quite master. He cannot see he consequences of his actions, even if it is shoved in his face.

He's just been Given Uneven Odds.

¤¤¤¤¤

Heya! This has been a long time in the making, mostly because I had no idea how to characterize Jimmy. I even wrote like half the fic before deciding it was crap and scrapping it. (Might make a separate post for all my scrapped writing. Hmmm...)

Eventually, though, I landed on the vibe of "pathetic little man going mad because he cannot control being a little canary and he cannot protect the ones he loves." (Affectionate) He's just a lil guy lmao.

But like, it really sucks, because he knows them, he knows them, but he doesn't know them if you know what I mean. He seen them tear each other apart and he's seen what happens when they work together. And it's also like, I'm a firm believer in every action you make has consequences. No matter how small, or large. It matters. Jimmy, as a character, cannot see the consequences. He rushes emotionally head first into all situations.

I just... this man is a goldmine for angst. I'm not sorry.

Anyway, this was based on this post by @theminecraftbee for their ask game! Go give 'em some love, I hear they're having a blast playing Vault Hunters.

[recordstellar-official]

Arkhaster Nights

Scene 2: A halfnote cuts across the plaza

"You expect him to be as weird as they say he is?"

Sherezin stood at the town center across from a tall blonde elf leaning on one of the many ley-poles lighting the city. He and Kellarin had been waiting for the man Kip had requested through the Lymmi Historical Society. The elf looked at the boy.

"Sherezin, I don't need to think. Professor Ardos is as eccentric as they come. Shouldn't be a problem though. So long as we keep him from cooking for us."

Kellarin smirked at the rumor as he pulled out his flask. The summer air was surprisingly chilly this year he reflected as he took a swig from his flask.

"You gonna share that?" Sherezin asked.

"Get your own. They don't sell Bardie's whiskey here. And we won't be in Dragonspire for at least three months. This is all I 'ave."

The cinnamon-honey taste rushed down Kellarin's throat as a warmness expanded inside him. How the fuck did it get so cold up here? Especially in the Summer!

"Is this where the archaeology team is supposed to meet?"

The voice caught the two off guard.

"You're not Daniel Ardos are you?" Sherezin asked.

"Could be a disguise. After all, we were told by our guy to expect anything. Anything. His words exactly," Kellarin shot back.

"No, I'm a different person. Daniel sent me."

"By Abreol's thorned heel." Sherezin muttered. "You were right. The man is unpredictable."

"You can get me a beer later," Kellerin replied.

"Me too. By the way, where are we supposed to work from?" Dulni replied.

"WE will be going back to Bernie's Roost. YOU will be returning to whatever university classroom you crawled out of," Shezerin replied.

"Give the gal a chance," Kellerin said as he took another swig from his flask. The whiskey tasted sweet, like the bone jellies they'd cook for the visiting children at the college.

"I'll have what you're having," Dulni remarked.

"You'll have to walk to Dragonspire if you want even a drop of what's in his flask," Shezerin replied. "Come with us," he decided. "Kellarin, you can explain to Mr. Aramisso why Mr. Ardos isn't with us."

"Damn it Daniel," Dulni muttered to herself.

[joywindsong]

The Seductive Bandit Pt 5

Booty Bay is filled with travelers, sailors, pirates, and soldiers from each faction. Alyarus puts the hood on her cloak up as they enter through the tunnel and motions for Vontez to do the same.

"You don't have a bounty do you?" Vontez questions as he raises his hood.

"No, but it's best to keep a low profile. There are lunatics around here who will strike you down just for the thrill of the kill. Which is why we need to keep moving."

Alyarus says keeping her pace across the boardwalk towards the inn. A blood elf in ranger's gear trots past and Alyarus pulls her hood closed.

"You also don't want to risk being recognized with how many people come through here."

They move steadily with Moosehead towering over them.

"Why doesn't he keep a low profile?" Vontez asks pointing to the tauren.

"Because I trust the Earthmother has already decided my destiny. Alyarus is also just used to skulking around and thinking of worst case scenarios. That also makes her a good leader for these assignments, so just follow her lead." Moose says patting a large hand on the Paladin's shoulder.

They enter the inn. Dwarves, goblins, orcs, and gnomes, all different races are yelling and jeering at the bar. All sorts of languages being shouted out. Alyarus leads the group upstairs to where things are much quieter. A forsaken man with a slack jaw and clumps of hair missing from his scalp sits waiting at the end of the hallway. He makes eye contact with the group and stands up. His shoulder dislocates and relocates as his posture adjusts. His leather tunic and pants have holes rotted through to show his bones popping out of his skin.

"Zug." He simply states.

Vontez reaches for his shortsword.

"That's our guy. We'll wait out here." Alyarus states with a hand on Vontez's arm.

Moose follows the man into one of the rooms and the pair can be heard speaking orcish to one another. Vontez relaxes.

"You seem a bit trigger happy around Horde for someone who isn't a fan of the Alliance." Alyarus paces over to the adjacent wall to look at the bounty board across.

"There's the Captain." Alyarus points as Vontez joins at her side.

The poster reads:

"Mad Whale Shark

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE

For crimes against both Horde and Alliance

50,000 GOLD REWARD"

"Only 50,000?" Vontez asks.

"I'm not sure it's adjust for inflation. You know how it's been recently. New treasures from Outland, now Northrend. The value of gold is dropping like crazy. 50,000 was a lot more when he got that." Alyarus explains.

A goblin walks into the hallway with a sheet of paper.

"Damn drunks! They don't pay me enough..." He climbs up onto a chair in front of the board and pins a new flyer before hopping off and storming back downstairs.

"Why do the goblins speak common?" Vontez asks.

"Most people do. There are even a lot of Horde who know it but choose not to use it. For example-" Alyarus stops midsentence catching sight of what the goblin just posted.

That was her face.

"The Seductive Bandit of Gilneas

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE

For the murder of Fiz Silverbolt

45,000 GOLD REWARD"

"Shit! Don't tell me these are already posted around town!" She keeps under her breath, walking across the hall to pull the poster down and inspect it closer.

"What do we do?" Vontez looks to Alyarus for direction.

Alyarus contorts her mouth to the side scanning the hallway and looking over to the room where Moose can be heard loudly laughing. She storms over to the doorway.

"Moose!" She holds up the poster. "Wrap it up. We need to get out of here."

Moose nods in understanding. He turns to the forsaken and hands him a coin purse in exchange for a small package that he promptly places in his bag. Alyarus turns down the hallway to see a pair of shady figures. Two men, one night elf one gnome.

"I'm telling you, I saw a blue eyed elf come up here." The night elf muttered to the gnome

"You're delusional! What kind of idiot would have a bounty like that and even think about stepping foot in booty bay?"

Vontez looked over to Alyarus. She pulled her hood down and slipped behind Moosehead as he walked out of the room. Walking down the hallway Alyarus grabbed Vontez by the hand as they passed.

"Move!" She told him as quietly as possible using the two men as cover.

Moving down the stairs they slipped through the crowd unnoticed. At the doorway they stopped just outside of the inn.

"Alyarus, you will be less noticeable without a hulking man in metal and an 8 foot beast with you. Let's split up now and we'll meet you on the other side of the tunnel." Moosehead instructs Alyarus.

"Your safety is the most important part of this mission!" she protests.

"That was before you got a bounty on your head." Moose snaps back.

"Fine! Other side of the tunnel, move quick and make sure tall dark and handsome doesn't start another fight with any Horde!" Alyarus says in a panic.

Alyarus slips into the shadows watching her comrades trot across the boardwalk. Faces pass by as she hides behind barrels and boxes. She slips up the ramp to the top level decks. A crowd of adventurers push past each other, clinking of chain and plate armor against each other. Horde and Alliance shoving one another out of the way. Alyarus tries to use the commotion as cover.

"Watch where you're going!"

Alyarus feels someone stumble into her with force, probably after being shoved. She falls to the ground.

"Are you alright Miss?" A plate armored hand reaches down to help her up.

"I'm fine!" She slaps it away before looking up.

It's a blood elf with long sky blue hair falling over his plate armor. His neon eyes adjust and then widen.

Alyarus' heart jumps up into her throat. She throws down a smoke bomb. Commotion breaks out with yelling and cursing as the crowd is blinded. She slips through the crowd and sprints off of the deck and onto the grass towards the tunnel.

Stopping for a moment to collect herself behind a rail post. She looks back to see the crowd frustrated in the smoke. Taking her dagger, she stabs the top of the wooden post to pry off a chunk of it. Measuring where the guards are positioned she chucks the wood chunk at the top edge of the tunnel.

"What the hell!?"

The goblins preoccupied don't notice Alyarus slip by. On the other end of the tunnel she sees Moosehead pointing the guards towards the wild with Vontez at his side. Vontez makes eye contact with her and taps Moose on the back.

Moosehead waves a hand dismissively.

"Ah! My old eyes must be playing tricks on me! I apologize for the mistake." Moosehead loudly tells the guards.

The goblins return to their post shaking their heads.

The trio reconvene just up the trail.

"Now that we're out of there, would you mind explaining: what did you do!?" Moosehead says to Alyarus in his deep booming voice trying not to be too loud.

"I did what I had to do for the crew! How was I supposed to know they'd track that pervy goblin's death back to me!?"

"He's a famous engineer! You thought he wouldn't have surveillance for them to piece things together!? This is not a mistake I'd expect from you Alyarus!" Moosehead can't help but raise his voice.

Alyarus is clearly fighting back tears, overwhelmed by everything happening.

"Are you alright?" Vontez says sheepishly.

"I'm fine! Let's just get back to the ship. Our work here is done." She wipes a single tear from her face.

"Aly!?" A deep familiar voice calls in the distance.

The sound of hooves galloping up the trail grows louder. Alyarus turns around slowly, her face white as a ghost. Light flashes with a winny before the clunk of plate boots hit the ground, then start walking towards the three.

"You know this man?" Moosehead asks looking across the way.

A tall blood elf with long sky blue hair stands on the trail wearing a full suit of armor. The tabard of the Horde on his chest and a Sin'dorei longsword on his back, splattered with still drying blood. Moraliuen's eyes meet with Alyarus. Her heart is beating out of her chest.

"Alyarus... You should be dead."

[doubledutchratfucker]

orcs are a created species, born of meat and electrum wiring out of ancient factories still churning out cannon fodder for an ancient war. their bodies are built for it, with heavy bones and redundancies in pretty much every organ, they're hard to kill. but the thing about life is that it never colours in the lines. orcs are just as peaceful or warmongering as their sentient minds damn well please, and their culture, unintended as it is, grapples with ideas of freedom and identity in ways no human or elf could comprehend.

goblins are scapegoats. the boot of every fairy tale and complaint, a goblin stole my harvest! a goblin replaced my child! a goblin killed my messiah! goblins are vermin; chased away, killed, or both. and this doesn't do a damn thing, because goblins are survivors. kick them out of the cave they set up in and aren't hurting nobody in and they'll go off and find a new one, singing your sings as they do. you won't find anyone not the colour of mud admitting it, but art lives and dies with the migrations of goblins.

elves are confused as to why you think they're magic. you don't think it's real magic, do you? it's like a card trick, know the right movement at the right time and from the right angle it looks like magic, but it isn't really. it's just nobody else knows how to do it. nobody else can see what's perfectly visible to an elf, and it's infuriating being the only one to see it. elves don't like spending too much time with non elves, thinking about it too hard makes their head hurt.

Halflings are perfectly fine in their lovely little villages, thank you very much. they're very idyllic, very cozy, very very peaceful, and that peace has to be protected somehow. sure maybe someone starts talking a big game about fame and glory and adventure every so often, sure that might disrupt the nice cozy peace in the nice cozy village, and sure that one Halfling might end up disappearing without a trace right before everyone has a nice big party with lots of hearty, meaty stew, but that's the price of being nice and cozy. it's the greater good, see?

[andrea-lyn]

prompt bones working the night shift christmas eve and meets james kirk (santa jr) who got arrested for a bar fight defending an elf and is GOING TO MISS CHRISTMAS

“What the fuck is happening here?” McCoy demands, walking into his ER to find his nurses, a few doctors, and what looks like half of Santa’s workshop and half of the nativity scene in a god damn Renaissance painting of chaos. There’s blood everywhere and when he steps into the fray, it quickly becomes clear where this situation began.

There’s an elf stuck to a wise man with an overly large candy cane, little baby Jesus (which is a doll) is currently being hugged by a man with a black eye, and then there’s the source of the blood.

At least, the main source.

The man in the Santa suit (ridiculously beard and all) is bleeding from his nose along with the cuts on his knuckles. By now, the beard is a ruby red, and if any kids see this, they’re going to have a whole lot of Christmas nightmares.

McCoy really hates the night shift.

Still, if he doesn’t get in there soon, it’s going to be even more chaotic. “You,” he snaps to the man in the Santa costume. “In this room, with me,” he barks, and draws him away after giving the nurses and orderlies their strict instructions on what to do with the rest of them. “I don’t wanna see a hint of the holidays on my floor!” he warns.

McCoy walks with the determination and purpose of a man who’s used to being followed, but he’s picked up a few tricks over the years. One of them is listening for the slow shuffle-slide of a recalcitrant patient’s movements, which is why he knows he can draw the curtain shut and his patient will be with him without turning around once.

Turning, he eyes the Santa, letting his gaze slide over him with his misshaped Santa suit (and pillow padding), the crooked bloody beard, and the way he reeks of rum.

“Had a lot of fun tonight, didn’t you, Santa?” McCoy mutters wryly.

“Please,” the man says, smirking at him. “Call me Jim. Santa’s my father’s name.”

McCoy stares at him for a very long moment. “No.”

“What?”

“Santa Junior?” He pries the beard from his hands, shaking his head as he tosses it into a small bin with all the other things that aren’t going to be saved because he’s a goddamn disaster of a man. “You wanna tell me how the brawl started?”

“Wise man number two insulted one of my elves,” Jim responds.

“And you decided to punch him in the face? Not so sure that’s fitting the Christmas spirit,” McCoy mutters. Once he’s got the hat and the beard off, he takes a better look at his patient. “I’m gonna need to keep you here for some stitches and then overnight for observation.”

“I can’t let you do that.”

“I’m pretty sure you can,” McCoy snaps. “Why not?”

“Because it’s Christmas. I’m going to miss Christmas!”

McCoy’s heard this a lot, but usually it’s from the kids in pediatrics. He’s a lot more patient with them because they’ve actually got a reason to be upset. When Jim tries to push his way out, McCoy stands in his way and pushes his hand on Jim’s shoulders to put him back into the patient bed.

“Christmas or no, you’re getting these stitches. Don’t make me sit on you.”

Jim’s eyes brighten as he stares at McCoy. “Um,” is all he says. “Please?”

McCoy scowls and gets to work, trying to remind himself that being tired isn’t an excuse for letting his mouth run in front of beat up Santas, no matter how attractive they might be under the grime and the blood and the holidays.

It takes him less than an hour to get the stitches in, which is faster than he usually works. If anyone were to ask, he’d deny that it’s because Jim’s made such a plea of needing to be out for Christmas, but deep down, he doesn’t want to be the reason that anyone misses a holiday.

“I’m good to go?”

“Yeah, as long as you sign papers that say you’re ignoring my advice for observation,” McCoy says, squinting at him. “What’d the wise man say to the elf to get you starting a brawl?”

Jim tugs on the Santa jacket and gives McCoy a thoughtful look.

“I’ll tell you later.”

McCoy snorts and waves him off, figuring that he’s never going to see him again. He doesn’t even pay him much mind, other than to think how weird the night shift gets near the holidays is. It’s a lucky thing he doesn’t have a family to go home to, because otherwise his poor coworkers would be here enduring this instead of him. For McCoy, he’s got nowhere else to be, so he might as well entertain the crazies and make what he can of it.

The next morning, McCoy’s finally about go home for Christmas when Santa Jr comes back in.

This time, the beard is gone, along with the Santa suit. It’s left a handsome as fuck man with bright blue eyes that sparkle with (and he’ll kill anyone who asks him to repeat this) holiday mirth. McCoy blames his instant attraction on the fact that he’s been up for forty-eight hours through some of the weirdest ER cases he’s ever seen in his life.

“What are you doing here? I’m off shift, so if you got into another fight, find another doctor to pester,” he grumbles, tugging on his coat. “What happened to you being upset about missing Christmas? Shouldn’t you be out somewhere with your elves spreading cheer?”

“I thought I’d start with San Francisco’s grumpiest doctor,” Jim says, throwing an arm over McCoy’s shoulders. “Come on. I’ve got an egg nog spiked with rum and your name all over it. If by the end of the night, you don’t believe in Christmas, then I guess I’ll have to bring out the big guns.”

McCoy opens his mouth to ask what those are, then he asks himself if he’s genuinely considering a mad person’s offer.

“Incidentally,” Jim murmurs, his voice heavy and his breath hot as he leans in to speak to McCoy, “the wise man asked if my elf was small all over. I think you can appreciate that I couldn’t let that stand, not when someone insults my employee like that.”

“Right,” McCoy snorts. “Because you’re Santa Junior.”

Jim shrugs and threads his hand in with McCoy’s. “Maybe. And maybe I know that as much as you want people thinking you’re on the naughty list, you’ve never once budged off nice.”

McCoy fumbles, but Jim keeps pulling him along.

“C’mon, Bones!” he coaxes, using a nickname that no one’s called him since medical school.

How? What…? The ...fuck?

Maybe this Christmas is the year something really strange and new happens in his life.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #914: Santa's Coming to the Mansion! (SSBU X Kingdom Hearts)

10:12 a.m. Outside of the Mansion......

Dedede: (Wearing his Santa Claus Costume) Alright, how do I look?

Escargoon: (Wearing a Elf Costume) As jolly and big boned as the real deal.

Dedede: (Chuckles Lightly) That's why I like to- Wait a minute. Big Boned!?

Escargoon: Do you REALLY want me to say the F-word instead?

Dedede: ('Sighs Heavily') I rather you didn't.......

Escargoon: Good answer. Now let's show this mansion the true meaning of Christmas!

Dedede: (Smirks Confidently) You read my mind!

'DOOR OPEN'

Dedede: H-

?????: HO! HO! HO!

The duo turns to see the kids happily gathering around Mario and Peach, who are dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Claus respectively.

Peach: (Giggles Softly) Merry Christmas, sweethearts~

Dedede: (Glares at the Couple in the Distance Before Clicking his Tongue) Man, what the hell!?

Escargoon: They already beat us to it?

Sephiroth: (Walks by Dedede and Escargoon While Casually Tossing a Lump of Coal Up and Down) Afraid so. They planned on doing this for a while now actually.

Escargoon: ('Sigh') Make sense.....(Turns to See Sephiroth) I uh....see you got yourself a coal this year.

Dedede: Yeah and a big one at that.

Sephiroth: Oh. This? (Catches the Coal With Very Little Effort) It's nothing too special really. I get these all the time.

Escargoon: (Eyes Widened) Seriously!?

Dedede: The hell did you do to get on Santa's bad side?

Sephiroth: Well, besides all the other criminal things I did in the past: Murder, Causing Multiple Casualties on Town, and etc., I may or may not have caused havoc across Christmas Town and destroyed Santa's workshop in the process.

Escargoon: (Eyes Widened in Complete Disbelief) You DESTROYED Santa's Workshop once!? Why!?

Dedede: (Raised an Eyebrow in Confusion) Wait. There's a Christmas Town?

Sephiroth: Yes and yes. And to tell you the truth, I... can't seem to recall why I did it to begin with it. All I know is that I will forever be on Santa's Naughty List, no matter how many times I die.

Dedede: Damn, that's cold. Even for Santa.

???: Tell me about it.

Sephiroth: (Turns to See Lea Dressed Up as Santa as Well) Ah. Lea, isn't it? Fancy seeing you here on this fine morning.

Dedede: Boy, what you doing wearing that costume?

Lea: (Shrugs) I lost a game of Uno last night. So I had to wear a Santa costume for the rest of the day.

Flashback

Lea: And that's a uno for me, Isa boy. (Gives his Boyfriend a Cocky Smirk on his Face) One last turn on my end and I get to see you in beard.

Isa: (Gives Lea an Annoyed, Deadpinned Look on his Face) You really think you got this one in the bag, do you?

Lea: ('Scoffs') Yeah. I mean, I don't mean to brag about it over anything, but I only need you to make one move to claim my victory-

Isa: Red Skip, Skip you, Yellow Skip, Skip you, Green Reverse Back to me, Uno, Draw 4, Uno Out.

Lea: (Eyes and Mouth Widened in Complete Disbelief at What He Witnessed).............How!?

Isa: You see, Lea....(Gets Up From the Table) Unlike you, I actually know how to think things ahead. And believe a simple game of Uno proves that theory fairly well.

Lea: Y-Yeah!? Well.....(Comically Points at his Boyfriend as He Sees Him Leave) You only gotten yourself lucky! I'll beat your ass this stupid card game next time!!

Isa: (Starts Rolling his Eyes) Uh-huh. Sure you will. But in the meantime, you should come to bed. (Starts Smirking a Little) We don't want our Jolly St. Nick to get tired on Christmas Morning now do we?

Lea: Yeah, keep laughing it up you cheap, know-it-all BASTAR-

Flashback End

Lea: Annnnd that's how the cookie crumbles. Puts on a Deadpinned Look on his Face) On me.......

Sephiroth: You know, I never got the chance to play a game of Uno before.....Is it difficult?

Lea: Nah. It gets a lot more easier for you the more rounds you play. And who knows? (Starts Rolling his Eyes in Annoyance) You'll might even be good enough to be an tactical asshole like Isa.

Isa: (Walks By the Gang While Casually Enjoying his Cup of Hot Coco) Love you too, Santa.

Omega: (Makes his Way to Mario and the Gang While Wearing a Santa Costume of his Own) Is it I, Santa Claus! The ULTIMATE embodiment of the Holidays!!

Kids: (Happily Cheers at Omega's Presence)

Peach: Aww~ Omega, you look wonderful as Santa~

Mario: (Happily Nodded in Agreement)

Dedede: (Watches Everyone From the Distance) Damn, even the robot's Santa now? How many people are gonna keep stealin' my spotlight around here!?

Sephiroth: The costing looks decent enough on him for ultimate weapon. All he's missing is the beard. Speaking of which.....(Turns to Lea) How come you're not wearing one?

Lea: Too itchy for my face.

?????: HO! HO! HO! HO!

Dedede: ('Clicks Tongue') Goddamnit. Another one!?

Escargoon: (Looking at the Window) Uhhh...De, I don't think that's another guy in the costume this time....

Dedede: (Turns to Escargoon) Yeah? And how would you know he's real?

Escargoon: Well, with him, there's a giant red sledge parked outside the mansion and a bunch of reindeers. One of them has a shiny red nose.

Dedede: (Eyes Widened in Complete Shock) RODOPLH!? (Quickly Makes his Way to the Window Along With Everyone Elss and Takes a Look)

Peach: Dedede, is everything okay her- ('GASPS')

Mario: (Eyes Widened at the Genuine Surprise Along With the Princess) Mamma Mia......The Sledge....the reindeers....I-Is he really....

The door suddenly begins to open, much to everyone's surprise. With a winter like breeze coming inside the mansion, the gang begins to turn their heads to the man with an partly red attire, a white beard, and joy presence, who is none other than.....

?????: Ho! Ho!

Everyone: SANTA!~

Santa: Gooooood Christmas Morning, Everybody!~ (Walks in the Mansion) Hope you don't mind me dropping in unannounced,but I figured I pay the Smash Family a little visit. (Brings Out his Red Sack) With some presents insideeeee!~

Without any form of warning, almost everyone begins to rush their way other over to Santa to finally greet him in person.

Mario: (Couldn't Believe What He's Witnessing Right Now) T-This is an actually real, right?..... A-And some kind of..... holiday prank or something?....God, I hope it's not a prank......

Omega: (Already Scanning Santa's Body Features From a Distance) Analysing..... Analysing.........Long Distance Scanning Complete. No disguise or pranks detected.

Peach: He's here......(Eyes Begins to Sparkle Brightly) And REAAAAALLL!~

Omega: Correct!

Peach: (Quickly Turns to Mario) Mario, we HAVE to go meet him right now! There's so many questions to ask, it can't wait!

Mario: (Places his Hand on his Chin) Now that you mention it, there are a few things I wanna ask hi- WOOAH!

Peach: (Immediately Grabs Mario by the Hand and Rushes Their Way Over to Jolly St. Nick) LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO!~

Omega: (Follows Behind the Couple) SANTAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Dedede: (Watches A lot of Things Happening in the Distance) I don't believe it, y'all.....Santa actually came here.

Escargoon: I know he's a nice guy and all, but what makes him wanna come visit here in the first place?

???: I asked him to come here.

Sephiroth: (Turns to See Pit Standing Next to him and the Others Before Raising an Eyebrow) You did?

Pit: Yep. (Starts Rubbing the Back of his Head Back and Forth with a Sheepish Smile) I figured since it was my first time seeing him a few days ago that I would give everyone else a chance to see him too. Even if it might be a once and life time opportunity.

Lea: Well I'll be damned, kid.....You really could be Sora's long lost brother after all.

Pit: You know, everyone kept saying that for a while now. Do we really seem that way to you?

Escargoon: Well, considering the similarities you two share from one another, it surprising neither notices it until now.

Pit: I see.....(Turns Back to the Crowd) HEY, SORA!!!

Sora: (Turns to Pit in the Distance) Yeah!?

Pit: You wanna be brothers!?

Sora: (Smiles Brightly While Giving Pit a Thumbs Up) Heck yeah, man! Brothers for life!

Pit: Yea!~

Sephiroth: (Puts on a Deadpinned Look on his Face) Joy..........

Merry (Late) Christmas, Everyone!

@keyenuta

@caleb13frede

@cyber-wildcat

@26shann

@albion-93

@ma-lemons

[the-halfling-prince]

I posted 261 times in 2021

81 posts created (31%)

180 posts reblogged (69%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.2 posts.

I added 389 tags in 2021

#my posts - 82 posts

#lord of the rings - 77 posts

#over the garden wall - 55 posts

#wirt over the garden wall - 31 posts

#pippin took - 28 posts

#fav - 26 posts

#frodo baggins - 26 posts

#the hobbit - 25 posts

#samwise gamgee - 20 posts

#bilbo baggins - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#my dad can't watch movies with my mum and i because we spend the whole time looking up trivia and reading out outloud while he's trying

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Help this poor boy

76 notes • Posted 2021-11-07 23:59:22 GMT

#4

lotr as things said in my classes pt. 3

Frodo: Demi Lovato came out as nonbinary- Pippin: Danny Devito's nonbinary??? Frodo: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!

Pippin: Hold on guys I gotta put my cis-sona back on

Sam: *offhandedly mentions that he can't swim* Frodo: We live near a body of water. Sam: I know where I live

Pippin: Did you know that spiders don't have bones in their legs, and that's why they curl up when they die? Merry: I hate to break it to you, Pip, but spiders don't have bones, period.

Pippin: would you still love me if I was a worm Merry: You already are a worm.

Pippin: Hey, Sam, would you still date Frodo if he was a worm? Sam: Can he talk? Pippin: Yeah sure. Sam: I probably wouldn't date him but I'd still be his friend because I could talk to him and stuff. I'd give him a little worm house and dirt and whatever worms like. Merry: Okay, and if he couldn't talk? Sam: No because then he'd just be a worm.

Frodo: great weather. There's not a sun in the sky. Which sorta implies that there's just no sun at all and we're all quickly making our way towards death. Sam: Frodo, look, I found a rock on the ground. :)

Legolas: You ever just find out that your best friend is half goat. Gimli: yes. Legolas: ... Damn

Boromir: You're my favorite little gremlin bitch Pippin: Thank you

Pippin: Who wants to see how Barry B Benson from the Bee Movie is a bad person? *writes out a bunch of math and graphs on the white board* Pippin, 15 minutes later: holy shit. He's caused the deaths of at least 10 million people Aragorn: That math doesn't really- Pippin: Shush, I'm onto something here

Bonus picture of the white board with the definitely not accurate work on it:

80 notes • Posted 2021-11-22 06:00:45 GMT

#3

lotr (and the hobbit) as things said in my classes pt. 4

Pippin and Merry: *talking about kins* Gandalf: I kin Kermit the Frog Everyone: •_•

Faramir: I'm scared of monkeys Denethor: I've never met anyone who's scared of themself. Faramir: oh

Frodo: *throws something to Gandalf* Gandalf: Hey, don't throw stuff at me. That's a hate crime. Frodo: What, because you're gay? I'm gay too, dude. Gandalf: This isn't about you, Frodo.

Legolas: Do you consider Pluto to still be a planet? Aragorn: I don't know, I don't live there.

Boromir: I like your ears. Are you supposed to be an elf? Frodo: I'm a hobbit. Boromir: Sorry, I didn't mean to assume your mythical creature.

Elrond: For the longest time I thought bipoc just meant a bisexual person of color Aragorn: When did you realize what it actually meant? Elrond: just now.

Pippin, walking into the room: Where is everyone? Aragorn: at home. Why are you here?

Merry: Hey can I say something that may be offensive? Pippin: Offensive to who? Merry: to you Pippin: Sure okay Merry: you curse like a preteen boy who just got told he's allowed to curse. Pippin: shit okay.

Frodo: What are these donuts filled with? Sam: Cookies and cream, I think. Pippin: mold

Radagast: You said you like mushrooms? Bilbo: Yeah! Radagast: oh, I know how to grow mushrooms. Bilbo: that's so cool! Radagast: Yeah, it's actually really easy. *A few minutes later* Radagast: oh. Bilbo: what? Radagast: you were talking about- oh. I thought... I know how to grow 'shrooms. Like the- Bilbo: oh. I should've known. Radagast: you really should've.

87 notes • Posted 2021-11-30 00:01:23 GMT

#2

my favorite Fall Out Boy song

125 notes • Posted 2021-11-07 21:31:37 GMT

#1

Iconic panels from various otgw comics

136 notes • Posted 2021-11-08 12:01:15 GMT

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