#but birthdays for the birthers am i right?

[barefootbaltimore]

Oh updates!

Baby was born at around 2pm, he's an absolute rockstar, latched like a champ, has the longest feet I've ever seen in an infant (and I've seen a lot of infantd), and also he's gonna get fireworks for his birthday until the fall of the American Empire so that's fun for him.

Also. Definitely not my first rodeo in terms of supporting a birthing person or being a hospital birth and my GOD do I have beef with l&d staff. Like I get that this is your job you're just tryna make it through a Thursday working with the general public. I get it. But people are giving birth. Be nice. Just be fucking nice how hard is that??? How hard is it to stop shouting questions at a person vomiting while having contractions? How hard is it to not get social services involved when a birther has cannabis (A LEGAL AND MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED DRUG) in their system. Hell how hard is it to just TALK TO A BIRTHER instead of around them like they aren't there???? It ain't hard. I do it.

Also also so sick of l&d nurses treating me like I don't know shit. If I ask you a question I want an answer not a platitude. "Did you give her pit?" "We need to make sure she's not hemorrhaging" Okay that's not what I asked. Also she's fucking not I'm also right here her bleeding is honestly insanely low I wanna know if you gave her pitocin because you didn't fucking tell her but I see the nurse putting a bag up there okay???

"How long do you give the placenta to be born?" "Uh huh" ma'am if you dont take 2 seconds to tell me why she gave birth 10 minutes ago and you're already providing pretty aggressive traction to the umbilical cord I swear to God ima yell at somebody. This is a person who I am not only here to care for but who I personally care a Lot About and even though she's very distracted she will (and did) ask me later to tell her what yall were doing to her so I'd like to have a fucking answer. Sorry I'm not over there crying over the new baby while yall whisper shit to each other about my cousins health but that baby has a lot going on rn and I've got time answer my fucking questions.

Cousin is having a baby. I have a LOT of feelings about hospital birth.

[merpsderps7]

06/08/2019

Soooo today’s my birthday! Woooo 26

And here’s some points about life now that I’m 26.

1. Always LOVE yourself. Put yourself first love you for you be present in life and confident in who you are and you will thrive. It’s good to look up and dream and but it can also be just as beautiful to look down and capture yourself right where your standing. Today that’s at work thriving cause I love my job and it’s my birthday and I love me.

2. You’re not always gonna get what you want and that’s okay. It can hurt your feelings or in my case just make me feel frustrated but that’s a part of the human emotion and I’m only human over here.

3. The coolest 25 things I learned in my 25th year was when I was when I was in that psychiatric hospital for 13 days. It’s called the personal bill of rights and I’m sharing it today because it’s really important to me that every human loves themselves and knows their rights!

4. Birthdays should be for the moms(parents). I’ve always believed this, I mean they freaking birthed us and raised us and changed our stinky diapers, and they put up with us every day cause they love us.

5. The birthday party is for me. AKA bonnaroo and if you(my person) don’t show up in my life before that I’m gonna be angry.. see #11 above.

6. All I want right now is real real love (just added Real Love by CRJ to my playlist) I mean I know it’s real love I just want it in real time.

7. Being on the same team in a relationship is really important for building strong ecosystems together. And we’re on the same team FOREVER.

8. I love life. And I love to tell everyone that because it’s also this awesome self mantra because Zoë means life in Greek so basically I’m continuously saying I love me which is a very good mantra too. And I hope everyone gets the chance to love life like I do(I’m talking about actual life here like your lives not me you don’t have to love me although that would be cool)

9. The best things in life are free!! AND normally places give you free things on your birthday which is the coolest concept ever!

10. I like to dance when I’m happy and I have the right to be happy. Thus I dance a lot. I hope it’s not too much for you 😅

11. ALWAYS be bold, be fierce, be you.

12. protect your hearing and wear ear buds at live shows

13. Love is enchanting. Let it go and love lots. Love is good. Love is love is love. And ❤️❤️❤️ just the way you are. And I want all of you all the string attached.

14. It’s world oceans day!!!!! Love our oceans and keep them clean!!

15. It’s also nation best friend day. And I haven’t had a single best friend but I have I’ve had a lot of friends that have been the best friends a girl can ask for. Everyone is unique and some people don’t have a single best friend and that’s okay it’s good to just have friends to lean on and to share and experience life with. It’s good to be a good friend.

16. Please drive safely. If it’s you who makes a mistake or someone else please just be kinder to all the cars around you. Cars can be giant metal death traps but I’d rather them fun vehicles for windows down music boppin transportation.

17. Appreciate the little things in life. Like the butt wiggles from your fur babies when you come home from work.

18. Live in the moment. Because moments pass by fast and there is nothing better then being present in every moment and in life.

19. Planning is also important. Set goals and plan things for the future so you have stuff to look forward to. (And make countdowns to those plans because countdowns are fun)

20. LOVE FOOD. Like all the food. Food is life. Food is fun. I just really enjoy all types of food.

21. Copying this one: don’t let your fears rule you. Be brave and live life fully. Life is going to be scary sometimes but that’s just part of life and being a humans. What shouldn’t be part of life are these dangerous events that keep happening. I don’t like crowds either after all the concert and night club shootings and especially after being 20min south of parkland when parkland happened. I choose to not live my life terrified of the unknown but instead excited for what can be through the next door. And I hope we can live in a world one day where these scary things stop happening and life is just full of fun for everyone.

22. Take lots of pictures! And videos if you can! It’s fun to collect photo albums and make home videos. And then in the future you’ll have fun reliving the moments again! (Also take nothing but pictures leave nothing but footprints on our environment is VERY IMPORTANT to remember)

23. Be more sustainable, from taking reusable bags to the store to recycling your plastics every little thing we do will help eventually. We all will one day save the earth together.

24. Everybody makes mistakes and sometimes things can be miss communicated and I need a lot of reiteration on things and definitions and sometimes I miss things. And social media is hard and I don’t like that I can’t talk to you in person cause I need you in person

25. Wear sun screen!!! Alll of the sun screen the ozone is not what it used to be and the sun is hot.

26. 💕💕💕 and I’m worried miss communications are still happening and idk what to do cause I just need you in person to hold me cause I’m shaken little snow globe over here cause I don’t understand why your holding back from me and I feel like I did something wrong.

[yenni19]

Chapter 10

Akamari is upset crying in her room, Souske knocks at the door

Souske(opening the door): can I come in?

Akamari: your in already so shut the door

Souske: I'm sorry....

Akamari: why did you throw a fit....what's your deal with Sarutobi anyway.....he did nothing to you...it was just a present

Souske: it's not what he did....its what he is to you...and because of his father

Akamari: I don't understand...

Souske: what if I told you that you and Sarutobi are related by blood in some way...how would you see the situation then?

Akamari: it wouldn't matter....

Souske: even if you and Sarutobi share the same father...how would you feel about him then?

Akamari: your lying...that's not true!

Souske hands her a picture of her mother and Kawaki in the hospital room holding thier child

Akamari(crying): no....this can be any other kid!...or....or.....

Souske: this is a picture a day before she died...your grandmother took this picture hours after giving birth

He hands her a small photo book, she flips through it,when she gets to the last picture it's her mother and Kawaki showing a tiny Akamari

Souske: now you know the truth....

Suddenly out of nowhere Souske gets sucker punched as he gets thrown and breaks the door

Souske(scared and coughs up blood): Akamari.....I'm......sorry.....I........didn't....want...to....upset....you....

Akamari(angry while activated byakugan): you and him both....are shitty excuses for parents....him for being a coward....but you....you are the shittiest.....for not coming to see me....now I know why

Souske(catching his breath): no Akamari....that's not true...you still are my daughter.....

Suddenly her gift starts to show red instead of gold causing things to turn to ash

Souske(pleading): Akamari.....please honey...let's calm down...

Akamari(laughing): sorry dad....but I no longer am calm....(screaming) I see red!

Suddenly the whole room is ash as she disappears, Sauske saves his son by teleporting him to the living room

Sauske: what the hell was that Souske...

Naruto(interrupting): it's begun hasn't it...Kayuga's gift is evolving inside Akamari

Souske: it's not the first time this happened....

Sakura: how long ago...how old was she?

Souske: it was was around the time Samari was little...Akamari was seven and they were playing....Akamari got tired of playing but Samari pestered her....and that's when I noticed the gift turning red causing a knife to fly directly across the room almost Stabbing Samari....ever since then I've been so terrified of a tragedy happening that I isolated myself from her and kept her occupied at all times...making sure she had no room for anger...but my biggest mistake was separating Samari from Akamari by sending her abroad just so she was not hurt by her own sister

Sauske: well we better find her....if not there's a chance she's not in this realm....we are gonna need Boruto and her father....

Sakura: but she might attack him....like she did Souske...

Naruto: we must take that chance....its the only way to bring Akamari back here....ready Sauske

Sauske: when ever you are....idiot

---‐--------------------------

Akamari reappears but in a meadow, with a big tree in the middle, it's night as she looks around and sees tall grass with every wildflower in it. Fireflies in every direction lighting up the night like tiny stars

Akamari: where am I.....how did I get here...I really need to control my anger....(smacks her head) damn it why am I so temper mental....why the hell am I this way

She looks around and notices a cabin....she goes inside and sees its dusty....she cleans it

Akamari: this place must of been abandoned....for awhile....well its looks better now since I cleaned it (cracks her nuckles) well its time to start a fire....its getting cold

She starts chopping wood....and gets a fire going, she notices the book shelf with several books, and picks one out to read....within minutes she falls asleep

----------------------------------

Back at the leaf village, the Uzumakis and Uchias including Kawaki and Sarutobi are trying to find Akamari

Sauske: there's no trace of her....anywhere

Sakura: maybe she's hiding somewhere we don't know about

Hinata: I just hope she's okay.....

Naruto: where can she be?

Boruto(running to his parents): it's been three hours...we have to call it a night...and start again in the morning

Kawaki(meeting up with Boruto): we can't she might be in trouble....who knows where she is

Sarutobi(running to meet up the Uzumakis): I looked as well...its like she disappeared leaving no trace I can't even sense her chakra signature anywhere

-----------------------------

Four days pass, Akamari wakes up from a deep sleep, she finds a way out from the meadow heading back to the leaf village

Akamari(entering the village): man I'm starving...I'll probably go to the Ramen noodle shop...and order thier special

Suddenly as she's walking...Akamari notices surprised stares coming from the villagers

Akamari(confused): that's weird...why do they look like I was reincarnated or something

She goes to the ramen shop....as she enters inside....everyone is shocked and silent, she shrugs it off and orders her food, the waiter nervously hands it to her

Akamari(smiles): thank you

Waiter(nervosly): your welcome

Phara(sitting next to Akamari): you girl have a powerful gift dont you....its must be amazing to be the last Otsutsuki in your bloodline

Akamari(confused): I'm sorry...who are you?

Phara: my name is not important....but I must tell you something....on the twenty first year of your birthday you will give your life for the sake of humanity as the last Otsutsuki

Akamari: the last Otsutsuki....give my life...

Phara: yes your life....because your gift is rare and powerful you will be a target for those like you....they will stop at nothing to gain it...heed my words and from here on out be careful who you surround yourself with...life is precious

Akamari: but I'm not an Otsutsuki....

Phara: your father is Kawaki Madra holder of the karma.....your mother is Himawari Uzumaki daughter of the jinchuriki who held the ninetail fox and the bayakugan princess

Akamari(shocked): how do you know that....

Phara: I've been watching you my dear....my duty as a birther was to look after you...I'm the last one of my kind who still alive and holds the gift of the forseer which let's me know about catastrophic events

Akamari: but you look so young....how old are you?

Phara: four hundred and fifty years...

Akamari(spits and chokes on her soup): what....you....are....four hundred and fifty....years.....old?

Phara: yes I've was around even before clans turned into cities like this one...I've been and seen how ugly wars can be between Otsutsuki and humanity....you are the last of your bloodline....you will fulfill your duty in order to stop another war from happening....you are destined to be a fallen hero

Akamari(sad): a fallen hero....me....but I don't even train....

Phara: in time you will....you will pick a sensei that most thought to be dead...but don't worry he'll find you...and you will know

Akamari: who...?

Phara: he'll be a man missing a limb....with spiky white hair....a legendary sage who trained your grandfather Naruto...but be cautious he's not who he use to be...he's mean and strict...but I believe you can soften his hard shell

Akamari: wait a minute...the woman chaser that always got my grandfather in trouble....Jiraiya

Phara(smiling): so you know of him...but don't worry....he has lost the habit eversince he realized that he was at the brink of death....he even lost his will to write those repulsive make out tactics...now he just writes poems that are famously known around here...he even changed his name which is now Jerico Myzuki...a famous poet

Akamari(shocked): wait...are you saying my favorite poet of all time...is Jiraiya....Narutos sensei...the so called pervy sage...are you sure it's the same person....

Phara: yes....(getting up to leave) well I have to go I believe you have somewhere to go at this moment....Jerico is having a book signing today and you will miss it if you don't hurry

Akamari: but his book signing isn't four days from now at eleven thirty specifically

Phara(pointing at the calendar): but it's the eighteenth today and it's ten thirty

Akamari(shocked): omg I've been gone four days!...(pays for her food) thank you lady I got to go...I'll see you around

She arrives at the book signing....there are crowds of women waiting for the largest book store in the village to open for the book signing

Akamari(disappointed): damn if I knew there would be crowds of women here I would of came an hour early

Mianari(walking up to Akamari): are you here to get a signature from Jerico Myzuki?

Akamari: yeah why

Mianari: no reason.....I need to see if this was the right book store....there are two more but they are on the other side of town....I just stopped by to give my husband his lunch

Akamari(surprised): wait....are you Jerico Myzuki's wife....

Mianari: oh I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself I'm Mianari Myzuki wife of.....

Akamari(mesmerized): you were the famous singer who managed the group Starfall....which is my favorite group of all time...but it still upsets me till this day they disbanded about four years ago

Mianari: well it was a good fifteen years with them....but the group just wanted to do thier own things....I believe the main singer is a father of two beautiful little girls...and the guitarist is a pharmaceutical tech the other three became solo artists

Akamari(pointing at the crowd): um...one question...how will you get through the crowd of fangirls wanting your husband....

Suddenly Akamari notices the group move to one side of the book store. A large man in a black suit and silver hair walks past the crowd of scared girls and walks up to Mianari

Mianari: Izuke....there you are is my husband inside?

Izuke: yes he is (showing Mianari the way) he is waiting to have lunch with you before the signing miss

Mianari: oh great I thought I came too late (to Akamari) well it was nice getting to know you...hope to meet you again

Akamari(smiling): yeah I hope so too...and by the way Jerico is lucky to have a wife like you

Mianari: thank you well I'm off bye

Akamari(waving): bye...Mrs Myzuki

[thewakeless]

Pregnancy Fic

Explicit crack fic with double mpreg for the lolz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208106

Yehaww,” dan screeached as he rode his favorite daddy, his hands in the air like a rolller coaster man.  Under his beautiful hairless body phil was sweating and groaning like a man.  “Yes, danny, come at me, you look so good baby angel!” Dan thrust his hips, and with this thrust came hard all over Phil’s stomach and chest, tears coming out of his eyes.  “Aaaaaah!” Phil came at the exact same time, pulling at dan’s hair with the incredible passion of a fertile 32 year old man.  

“Your all sticky baby,” said Dan while he swirled his fingers on his own cum which was all over phil’s pale body.  

“Viscus.”

Dan popped his boyfriends thick fat dick out from inside of him and lay down by his side kissing and licking at his neck.  “You smell so good.”

“I feel so good, cause of you,” said Phil squeezing Dan.  

They fell asleep, and dreamt of sex.

-

In the morning Dan ffound himself thirsty again and began sucking at Phil’s cock and testicles, licking his toungue over them until the older boy came and woke up.  Then they had cerela in the kitchen, and some more sex on the couch.  Dan was full of hot cum inside of him.  They didn’t need to use a condom, after all, boys can’t get preggers.  

In the evening they ate chinesse food, worshipped the devil and played mario kart.  Then they had more sex, on a kitchen stool.  After all this hot sexy sex they went and took showers together, Dan got on his knees again, he loves sucking the good cock.  That night they slept like angels, dreaming of angel sex.  

-

It was the next day that the PROBLEM.  Phil woke up very early, he wanted the sex but Dan was still asleep and he wasn’t a ffucking rapist.  So he went to the bathroom to jerk off, and he was jerking off, looking at himself in the mirror all attractive and pale.  He was looking at his dick, when he noticed that somethng was different.  He moved towards the mirror, his hand on his dick, there was a bit of a bump on his tummy.  The tummy that dan kept spilling all his sweet cum into.  Phil felt himself grow paler than pale, he was white as cum.  

He felt the lump on his stomach, it was hard, not as hard as his dick, or the wall, but still very hard.  Maybe he was getting abs?  Hot, I thought as i stroked my dick and came hard over my reflection.  After he finished he went back to bed, where Dan was on all fours fingers himself.  “Daddy,” he croacked.  “Daddy, i need your hot love rod.”

Phil went into the bed and oblidged spilling all his cum inside of him again.  After that they took a little nap and then they ate cereal.  

-

A week later PJ was hosting a sexy halloween party in June.  Dan went as a bondange unicorn, Phil dressed up like a lumberjack.  They had very good sex in the bathroom, and when they came out all their friens teased them.  

“Dan you can’t keep off him for one minute!” said PJ laughing and throwing a chip at them.  

“That’s not true,” said Dan blushing. His body was almsot naked, it was a very good body, but he was shy and kept folding his arm over his revealed chest. Phil was very hungry.  He ate pasta, and chips, and drank some coke.  He didn’t even have any alcohol! But then his tummy hurt and he went to the bathroom and threw up. But then Dan came back into the bathroom and they fucked again.  Dan’s ass began to hurt..  They went home and had cereal.  

-

The next morning Phil was very sick, and so they had none of the sex. Dan was sad.  “He said do you think there’s soemthing wwrong? Maybe we should take you to the doctor.” It had never been four hours before Phil had gotten an erection before.  

Phil said that he didn’t want it.  What he wanted was more cereal.  He ate it, but then he was sick all over his shirt. He went to the bathroom and took a shower, no shower sex, he was very sad.  He looked at his reflection in the mirror, and then he frowned. There was something very very wrong! His dick looked the same, but his stomach didn’t.  It was swollen, bloated, it was weird. He ran his hand over the bump, it was hard, but it didn’t look like abs.  

“Maybe I should go to the doctor,’ he said, tear in his eyes.  

-

Two sexless days later they went to the doctors together, not holding hands, because of the crazy phandom stalkers who always wanted pictures of them fucking in teh bushes, which tehy only did on dan’s birthday because of his exhibitionist kink, and also the fact he liked the smell of bushes and was not alargic to them.  At the doctor they took Phil’s blood, but not like a vampire, and then they checked him heart and had him pee in a cup, dan helped by holding his pretty dick.  

He said:

“The results will be back in five days,  you rest lad.”

Phil rested, and had cereal.  They were so so worried.  Dan even called Kath, and told her how sick Phil was.  It had been 46 hours since they had had had sex. It was very bad.  

-

In the morning of another day which was very sunny and hot, Phil woke up too hot and stripped naked.  Dan wanted his cock and started stroking his sweaty thigh, but then he stopped and looked over at his beautiful boyfrined.  “Phillie,” he said, a frown on his forehead.  “Phillie omg.”

“What is it?” said Phil looking down at his cock.

“It’s-it’s-” Dan moved his hand up, not to Phil’s big cock but to his stomach which was even more swollen, so swallen, like a ballon.  “Baby, i think…. I think…..” his eyes glazed over.  “I think I’m gonna be the DADDY now!”

Phil stared at the lump and then looked at Dan’s face and his big warm deep honey colored eyes with their long eye lashes and glimmer of lovey love.  “Daddy? You don’t mean,” his heart stopped. How could this happen? He was a MALE.”

“Think about it, there were all those times I came right on your bellybutton, and that has a channel into your internal organs,” said Dan nodding his head, he had studied this in law school.  

Phil put a finger in his belly button and gave a wild moan.  It was so good.  So good.  “Ahhhh!” he screamed as he fingerered his belly button, He fell back on the bed, too turned on to move.  Dan quickly straddled him.  “Is this what Daddy # 1 likes now???? He said.   He moved his face to Phils pregnant tummy and began licking at his belly button hole.  Licking.  Back and forth.  Phil was screaming, moving wildly, lost in the pleasure.  It was only a minute later that he came violently, his belly button pulsating from his orgasm.  

“Oh my god.”

Dan kissed his check, all happy from having pelased his man.  “Nothings gonna change baby,” he said.  

-

In the morning after eating some cereal, and Dan rimming his boyfriends sexy belly button again, the Doctor called.  

“Hello Mr. Lester.”

“It’s Mrs. Howell now,” said Phil smiling all dopey.  

“I have some big news to tell you.”

“I think we already know Doctor.”

“Your gonna have twins!”

“What!!!” Phil was so surprised, he looked at the dan, and suddnely he was so happy.  “Twins! Is it a boy and a girl??”

“Yes,” said the doctor.  

“Kanye and Buffy Dan, we’re gonna have Kaney and Buffy!”

“I am very proud of you,” said the Doctor.  “You can call me here if you have any questions, I will be incharge of your birth.”

“Thank you,” said Phil.  

They had some sex that day, and Dan rode Phil very hard but then he asked Phil to spill his good cum on Dan’s stomach so that they could have more babies.  Phil did it, but he was a little jealuse.  He wanted to be the only pregnant one.  He wanted to be the mother/father, the birther, he didn’t want them to share. In the night, he couldn’t sleep. What if Dan got pregnant? It was sooo soon, and they would have 3 babies, maybe more, it was all too much.  

He didn’t want Dan to have a baby now, his hormones were very weird and bad.  He sweated in the bed, wrapping his hands protectively around his children.  Next to him dan was sleeping, naked.  He looked good, but Phil could not even.  

That night, crying, he left.  He had to see Kath.  This was too much.  

DUm DUm dum.  

-

Phil didn not drive to his mothers because he is a gay and can’t drive and because he is a pregnant and can’t drive.  He took the train.  A very handsome man tried to hit on him, but Phil blushed and said that he was married.  Dan had made a ring oout of a condom wrapper.  It was on his finger, but he had to take it off when he fingered dan.  The man understood and asked for a picture of his wife, when Phil showed him Dan he said:

“He is very handsome, you are a very lucky man.”

��Yes and we are going to have twins.”

And phil told him all about the cum and his belly button.  The man as very surprised.  Then his mom came.  They were sitting in the kitchen of the house and she as making minced pies.  The smell went thru the house, but Phil was too nauseous.  

“You don’t look right Phillie has something happened?” she said, as she opened his mouth like a mother bird and deposited the food in there, like worms, you know?”

“I have something to tel you, but I don’t know how you’re gonna react.”

She sat and her eyes were big.  “Is it about you and Dan.”

“Phil blushed.”

“You can tell me - I think-” she stopped herself, and breathed, reached over and grabbed his hands.  “I know you are the homosexuals, that is very good of you, very good,” Her hands was warm.  Phil started to cry again.  God, these hormones, I thoguht as I pushed back the tears from my eyes.  It was so hard to be a man.  

“It’s more than this.”

“Oh?”

“Yes… I….. I….. I am going to have Dan Howell’s twins.”

His mom was shooketh.  

-

In the morning, Martyn bought a little stuffed animal for Kanye and a little doll for Buffy.  They had pasta, and in the evening, when the sun was down, and they were in the big yard, Phil started to cry again, and not just because he missed dan’s incredibly tight a*shole.  “I never thought this was possible,” he told his older brother.  

“But it is,” said Martyn knowingly.  

“I am so exited, but I’m also scared, what if Dan is pregnant too? What if we can’t raise 3 children? What will we tell the phannies???”

Martyn, who was a very good brother, sighed.  “You can tell them that tehy are mine and Cordelia’s kids.  You can say that we died in a bloody accident and that you are rasing them for us.”

Phil’s eyes became teary.  “I love you so much,” he said to his older brother as he hugged him.  “You are so good.  I will say you got choopped by a helicopter.”

“Yes,” said Martyn.  “And we will go into hiding, so that you and Dan can raise your triplets.”

“Triplets?” said Phil. 

“Oh yes,” said Martyn.  “The doctor called, he said there were 3 children in your blood reports.  The last one is also a boy.”

Phil’s mouth fell hard.  “Another boy?”  He was exited but confused.  There was no cereal to eat.  

-

That same day, Dan came to the house. He was very sad and upset, crying in his hot leather shirt that stuck to his body in all the right words. Phil wanted not to see him, but he looked so good. They fucked a little on the porch of the house until a neighbour screamed and then they fucked in the hallway because the famiy was asleep.  Dan got cum on the walls.  “This is very bad,” he said as he cleaned it off.  

Phil new that they had to talk.  He pulled dan into his secret place, which was a very cool basement apartment with instruments, he used to be in a band.  It wa very sexy of him.  They sat down on the drums.  All dan was wearing was a leather shirrt.  

“I have something to tell you,” said Phil.  

“Me too,” said Dan.

“At the same time?” said Phil.

“Of course,” said Dan.  

“I’m Pregnant” (Dan says this) /  “I’m having triplets” (Phil says this)

They looked at each other, and then started to cry and hug, and then they fucked again.  

-

It was very hard to film videos during the pregnancies, because their body were changing.  Phil was very big and his cock grew too, Dan was big and he was also very naked most of the time, because his belly button (which was an outy) was turned on it he more shirts.  They had to fuck a lot because the Doctor said it woud keep the babies healthies.  And they aso had to decide the name of the other boy and Dan’s little girl.  

One night after worshipping the devil, Phil came up with a very good idea.  “Maybe we should have our phans decide what to call them?”

Dan would have jumped up, but when your pregnant yyou can’t jump.  “Oh! Yes! What a good idea. But we can’t tell them.  What should we say we are asking for?””

Phil cocked his head to the side looking all cute even though he was very pregnant with 3 little babies.  “Maybe tell them we are making new sims characters?”

“Oh! Yes!” said Dan as he went to get cereal.  “Phil MMIchael Howell!” he said as he picked up the empty box.  “You ate all my cereal?”

Phil blushed.  “The babies were hungry dan.”

Dan was not happy.  “You owe me one,” he said.  

Phil sighed.  “Okay, i’l go get the fur suits.”

They fucked furry style whil watching nature documentaries, and then dan drank phil’s cum because he wanted his little girl to be very pretty.  

-

In Septermber, the names of the new babies were announced.  The boy was going to be called Harry Styles Howell Jr.  and the girl was going to be called Britney Bitch Howell, but they were going to call he B.B for short, it was a very cute name.  Now with all their baby names they began fixing the apartment for the babies. They painted the gaming room pink, and Phil’s old room blue and they they had very messsy sex and splattered paint all over their naked pregnant bodies, and they both looked so beautiful that they took pictures of themseles, with paint all over their nipples, and bellies, and cocks of course, and their faces full of cum. They were very artistic, like vogue, or tumblr porn.

-

It was harder to keep the pregnancy secret, they could not go outside, or else the Phans would see them! So they had to stay inside and sometimes the doctor would come to check on all their babies. He was very haappy for them ,but he also thought they were sexy, he told them this a lot.  Phil glowed but Dan was very shy and he would back away behind his boyhusband.  

Kath came to see them, and Lousie, and PJ and sometiems Cat too but they didn’t like her very much.  Once Chris tried to come but they didn’t open the door for him.  They didn’t see many people.  One day Tyler Oakley came by, he did not know they were pregnant but when he saw them his eyes grew so big and he laughed and then stopped laughing and then laughed again.  “What did you do???? I want a baby!”

Dan adn Phil told him. . He said he had done that lots and lots and had never gotten pregnant.  They were confused.  “Maybe if you showed me,” said Tyler casually.  

Dan adn Phil wanted tyler to have a baby too, so they took off their clothes and fucked. Phil’s belly was making this hard but his dick was still harder.  They fucked and fucked, and spilled the seed over each of theri stomachs.  

Tyler was watching them with a hungry expression.  “I’ve done that a lot, but I stil have never gotten pregnant.”

“That’s so sad,” said Phil who was happily rubbing his stomach babies.  

“Maybe if one of you did it to me….” sayd Tyler hopefully.  

Dan adn Phil looked at each other. “No! Said Dan.  He was quite upset.  “We don’t share our intimacy with other people.”

Tyler got angry.  He stood up,  his dick was very hard from watching dan and phil make sweet love.  “Your just selfish.  You have magic sperm that coudl give me the baby I always wanted and you’re keeping it to yourslef.”

Dan adn Phil looked at each other. ““No! Said Dan.  He was quite upset.  “We don’t share our intimacy with other people.”

Tyler stomped his foot hard on their floor. “Your gonna pay for this!” he declared before storming out of the apartment and bacck to America.  

Dan and Phil held each other, and all their babies were together, and their stomachs were touching and even though Tyler had been very bad to them they were so so happy.  Dan kissed Phil’s little nose.  And then Phil sucked his dick.  They went to sleep.  

-

In the morning Phil started to feel real real bad.

He had had a bad dream.  He told dannie all about his dream and then cried.  In his dream Tyler told everyone they were gonna have babies. They went on twitter real quick to check, and there was a big old tweet from Tyler, telling the world they were gonna have babies.  

“How could he?” said Dan resting his head against his boyhusband’s shoulder.  

“I’m psychic,” said Phil.  

“It’s probably because of the pregnancy, it makes things weird.  U never used to eat cartboard remember?” Dan told him.  

Phil nodded his head. 

They had cereal and then worshipped the devil, but in the evening there was no more avoiding it. They had to answer all the tweets and investigations.  Phans were going over all their recent videos (which had been from the neck up, or photoshopped) and getting evidence.  Dan defended himself on Twitter a lot and called Tyler a perv and a liar.  Phil had some popcorn because he had already eaten all the cereal . 

-

This got worser the day after when someone hacked their phone and got their naked pregnancy photoshoop pictures. They were posted all over tumblr, they broke tumblr.  Both prengnant boys looked sooo good, dressed only in colored paint and cum, their eyes glazed over from love making, their arms and legs wrapped up against each other.  But there pictures were very exiplicit, you could see their cocks, and as*holes and also how fat they were getting from all those babies.  

At first Dan and Phil tried to say that it wasn’t them.  

But ti was their apartment.  

So instead they posted a 17 hour video explaining the situation.  It was a lot like this:

“Hello Internet.”

“Hello Gays.”

“We have something to tell you-” they said together.”

And then the camera panned down real slow and real good to show their beautiful bellies.  “We are having babies!!!1” they both started crying.  

They told their wonderful viewers all about their sex life, and how they had come sooo much on each others bellies. And they told them their baby names, and showed them ultrasound pictures and told them how they nervous they were for the birth.  They also said that the paint photoshoot was gonna have some IRL merch soon, and that they would appreciate purchases because there was a lot to buy for little Kanye, Buffy, Harry Styles Jr, and B.B.  

The phans were sooooo good about it.  Everything was lovely and positive. Twitter and tumblr had all their pictures. There was a song made.  A lot of beautiful art and these phanies just kept watching the 17h video over and over again, many died of dehydration but it was still a good thing.  

But all this changed when Phil began feeling liquid leaking out of his belly button.  (OMG guys this liquid isn’t even dan’s cum, would you believe???)

-

The doctor was verya nxiious when Phill came in. He was worried about how all of those babies was going to come out of his bellybutton.  Dan was nervous too, and he was wearing a dress for the first time, it was soo pretty and white with flowers, and he was wearing heels because he was feeling more “feminine” now that he was about to give birth adn also because Phil had fucked him really good that morning.  The heels were sparkly blue, like Phil’s eyes.  

Phil was on the hospital bed, and he was sweating.  Dan thought he looked very good.  “You look soo baby,” he told his boy.  “I could eat you like marmite right now,” he confessed in a whisper.  The doctor heard:

“That’s very sexy of you,” he said to Dan.  

Dan blushed. 

Phil started pushing.  He was pushing so much.  But it was differed because he did not have a vagina.  His belly button kept getting bigger and bigger to allow the baby to come thru, and then there was a plopping noise and it came thru, and then which the doctor was not expecting the belly button closed off again.  

“Oh,” he said as he grabbed the baby.  “I think the other two need a little more time in there.”

“Oh,” said dan and phil.  They were tired.  

The Doctor passed the baby to Phil first.  It was kanye, and he was majestic.  A little boy with a long of finger hair and big brown eyes.  “Awwwww,” said Phil as he stroked the baby’s little cheek.  “He looks like us.”

“What a good little Kanye,” said Dan and then he began playing the Life of Pablo from his iphone.  

They were in the hospital for four days, but the baby was very healthy.  Kath made it a little blanket that had kim kardashian on it.  Phil cried a lot.  He was so happy to be a mother/father.  Dan couldn’t waitt for their other babies. 

They went home, and put him in the blue room.  

Then they had cereal. 

-

Kanye was getting stronger every day, but he was also a strange baby.  Sometimes when Dan and Phil were not there, he woudl begin hovering over the crib, and then he would make a noise like a police siren.  It alarmed the new parents, but they loved their little boy all the same.  About a month later Phil had the twins Harry Styles Jr. and Buffy.  They had blue eyes, and looked super super cute.  

In the house things were very busy with the 3 babies but Dan’s hormones were also very strange. He needed to be sexed every 4 hours precisely, so Phil was very busy, he had to feed his babies (and his nipples were very sore) and then fuck Dan.  It was a busy time. He had to drink a lot of coffee to keep up with things.  In the night sometimes they would watch Buffy the vampire slayer, and Kanye who could fly would wonder around the room like a little angel.  

-

They were making a day in the life of Fathers, when Dan started to feel bad. Phil was holding a camera up to his face, and Dan was standing in a very cute blue dress with little Harry Styles Jr. in his arms, when suddenly he looked confused.  “Why is my bellybutton wet??” he said.

“Honey again?” said Phil because during the sex they liked that.  

Dan shook his head.  “Oh, no,” he blushed.  I think- I think-” he looked at Phil, all surprised. “I’m gonna have it NOW!”

“Oh my god,” said Phil.  

He grabbed buffy and handed her to Kanye that flew her back to the crib and then he took care of his husband.  He lay him down gently on the sofa and breathed with him, hoding his hand and kissing it.  “It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright, I’ve already done this 3 times, I know what’s gonna happen.”

“It’s so good having you hear baby,” said Dan, who was crying, and holding his stomach.  “I’m so scared.”

“She’s gonna be beautiful,” said Phil who kissed dan’s belly button.  But this was bad becaue it turned dan on, dan screamed he told phil to stop and he moved in the bed, and then there was a plop, and his belly button opened like a flower and britney bitch came out. She was a very preotty baby, and very very blonde.  They kissed her head and called her Princesss.

-

Kath and Martyn came to visit the babies, they passed Buffy, and Harry Styles Jr, and Britney Bitch around, and all of them were healthy and beautiful.  Kanye was zooming around the room like a drone.  Kath said it was very strange, but Dan explained to her that he had devil powers and then it was alright.  

They were a big happy family, and there was a lot of cereal.  

Martyn and Kath baby sat the babies and then Dan and Phil, alone again and not pregnant went and had sex in some bushes.  Dan screamed “yehhhhaw,” and then he made the mistake of cumming in Phil’s belly button again.  

“What if we get pregnant?” said Dan, so so scared.  

Phil shrugged and then said very quiely.  ‘I could just eat it”

Dan nodded, knowlledgably.  “It is what cats do.”

“Yeah.”

They kissed very much.  

“Four kids is enough.”

And they lived happily ever after although Phil did have to eat a couple more kids.