#but ben will break into full-on lecture mode lol

[honorhearted]

--

"Oi, ya shoulda seen it! I thought your new friend was gonna burst right on the spot."

"She is not my friend," Ben grumbled, and perhaps too quickly. "You heard Washington in there, didn't you? I am now to be nothing more than a glorified nursemaid."

Caleb grinned. "Could be worse, eh? She's at least easy on the eyes."

Affronted, his gaze snapped toward his friend and he scowled. "Must everything always trace back to your pego? This is serious business, Brewster! People are being killed in her name, and now because of outer politics, I have to put our plans for the ring on hold."

Caleb hummed. "Now, as much as I'd love to talk more about my pego, allow me to talk some sense here."

Ben snorted. "That would be a first."

Ignoring him, the whaler continued, "Emma's the immediate concern, aye, but if ya have pressing matters, just send me." Catching his friend's look, Caleb coaxed, "Oi, c'mon now! Y'know I'm good for it!"

"Sure, if there's a profit or some wenching to be had," Ben muttered. With a sigh, he amended, "Look, I know you are, Brewster, but I'm worried. I'm unfamiliar with this new threat, so I am unsure of how to best protect the princess. Granted, she doesn't know I'm her bloody look-out yet, and perhaps we should keep it that way."

"Speak o' the devil," Caleb said, nudging him.

Following his gaze, he internally winced at the sight of Emma pacing about in her tent. Another soldier was guarding the premises, so at least she wasn't being entirely reckless.

"Well, here we go then," Ben muttered. Leading his friend up to the princess' quarters, he had a word with Gold, then was admitted with little fanfare. "Swan?" he greeted. "I apologize for dropping by unannounced, but it would seem our business is not quite yet finished."

"You're lookin' at your new life guard o' sorts," Caleb spoke up with a grin. Ignoring Ben's displeasure, he stepped forward with his hand extended. "I don't think we've been properly introduced. The name's Caleb Brewster -- I only make the foot wabblers call me 'lieutenant,' so on account o' you bein' a lovely lass an' all, I think-"

"That's enough 'thinking,' thank you," Ben muttered. To Emma, he explained, "I was briefed on what happened. I do not know the specifics, but I have been assigned to ensure your protection." He nodded with a sigh. "In other words, wherever you go, I go, so if you could try and remain within camp, that would be very much appreciated."

"Absolutely,” Emma said softly, accepting that he needed her to stop - of course she’d always respect that, but she hoped that in this case, maybe not now but someday, Benjamin Tallmadge would think about it and feel that it was right, that it wasn’t his weight to carry. She got up after he did, taking one last bite of food, and hoped that before saying goodbye they’d have to chance to talk alone one more time, and he’d have a sweeter memory of her than their last conversation.

But while she had hoped she could get a day of rest after reuniting with general Washington, she realized while the men made their plans that she couldn’t, because while sending out other teams as a distraction was great, she wasn’t sure De Francy would reach France. “May I, general?” she asked in a moment of silence, and George - whom she had called as such in private, sadly not around the Major - gave her a gentlemanly ’of course’. “I can take the papers to France. I can leave all by myself and people will hardly suspect a woman to be doing anything of importance alone, and I’ll speak to Luis-to the king in person once there. If anyone does stop me and has bad intentions, you know I can take them,” she touched the sword at her side, glancing at the only other men she could see from her position, Lieutenant Brewster, who had an intrigued smile on his face. That was encouraging, at least. “It’s what I do. I just need a map because I have no idea of where I’m going.” “Princess, the dangers you’d face taking off on your own…” he was searching for words that wouldn’t offend her, and she took the opening. “If the British capture me, all I have to do is show my seal and they’ll apologize for interrupting my journey, maybe even escort me, in fact.” “It’s not my enemy that concerns me, it’s yours.” The easy smile on her face faded instantly, and somehow she already knew. “What?” she managed to grit out, rage filling her chest.

“I was hoping to talk to you about this matter in private later, but I worry it may be too late. There has been an attack… not too far from here, people have been executed and the… manner in which the executions were carried suggests that those are your enemies, attempting to gain your attention. I invite you to stay until the situation has been resolved.” The way he spoke, no specific location, told Emma that if he was skipping details it was only because he did remember her and her father well, and knew she’d jump on the first horse. “Hearts or heads?” He understood immediately, which had Emma tensing up even more, and quietly answered: “Hearts.” “Grandmother, then,” she was using all her self-control to keep her tone calm, but it was all she could do, she was sure no one there doubted she was about to pull a muscle from anger alone, “And in the unlikely case they get to kill me after I leave, I’d have been murdered while supposedly under your care, which could cause you trouble.” “That’s not-” “It’s not the only reason you wish for me to stay, but it’s the only reason for me not to go look for them now. I came to help, the last thing I want is to do more damage. So I will stay put. I will write my parents and let them know I’m not under your watch anymore and I’m going on my own mission, and only when I get a confirm that they have read the letter… then I will go after them.” “But you’ll be welcome to stay if you change your mind, or to be escorted to the nearest port,” he could only offer back, but she doubted he believed he could convince her not to risk her neck. She was going to die from an explosion of her heart if she didn’t go outside. “Thank you. I clearly am in no position to help anymore so I’ll leave you all to your plans. I need rest after the long ride.” She didn’t, she needed to punch something. Emma forced another smile, “I’ll take my leave.” He nodded and there was a small polite goodbye before she left quickly.

Of course George had planned for her staying, she already had a tent, seemingly with more commodities than other women at camp had been given since one of the men there was meant to guard her and informed her that more women would be sent to help her personally. Politics, he had to keep the princess at least more comfortable than a camp follower, especially since said princess had already told him in private that she meant to send supplies. But she didn’t need the special treatment, she needed to keep busy so she wouldn’t go out there and avenge those deaths. She had made her temporary guard - Officer Gold, James to her now - spill details about the massacre and was even more furious, but she had to behave. So she had punched her own trunk, nearly breaking her hand. And then had spent the next five minutes trying not to make a sound over that, and the next fifteen arranging the place, taking some of her things out of the trunk, and looking for ink and parchment. And the next ten trying to come up with a letter while pacing around the tent and considering punching the trunk again because bruises aside she had felt better for a bit. The next, better, idea, was to pile up crates and sacks so she could make them into a target and stab it. She was all alone there, and forced to wait, and those were the two things she hated most.

[inkofamethyst]

June 21, 2024

Okay so I started working through some problems on a website I discovered called Rosalind. It's several bioinformatics coding challenges. Harder ones unlock as you complete easier ones. It's pretty fun! Each problem has taken progressively longer to complete, sure, but I'm really loving getting back into the problem-solving mode. The one thing is that they don't give you aaaaaany coding help or hints or suggestions, so that will probably make things really difficult down the line (the best way to learn!!! (I need to maintain optimism)). Currently (almost) everything has been within my skillset, so mostly string manipulation and simple operations, and even though all of my work was probably worth a combined five hours on the eight problems (only finishing seven because I couldn't figure out probability), they ultimately weren't too bad. This will probably be what I spend my time on in the office to keep my coding skill up when I have nothing else to do.

While I should probably be learning R... I simply don't want to right now. Maybe in July after I get back from home idk.

I've also started watching music theory lectures (as opposed to just the interactive online textbook thing), and I really enjoy them! The circle of fifths is really clicking now for the first time in my life lol. I might try to also use downtime in the lab to write out my scales since I have a better understanding of how they work (kinda). It presents the textbook content in a slightly different way which I kind of appreciate, and then I can take that perspective back to the online textbook exersizes which I do for a few minutes daily. When I go home (so very soon!!!) I'm going to have to bring out ol' girl Melody and try some things, I think.

On that note (hehe), I need to think of a name for my bass!! My flute is Melody, my sax is Jasmine, my uke is Lulu... which are admittedly not very creative but I think they got a little better over time :P (Melody because flutes play melody (I was twelve, okay?), Jasmine because saxes play jazz, and Lulu for Honolulu because ukes are from Hawaii). So I think that, in keeping with tradition, the name has to be a little cheesy. I have one idea, but I don't think it's clever enough.

I haven't been eating very well lately. I'm in the process of restocking my pantry. I think I sort of just.. ran out of steam for cooking for myself. So it's been an embarrassing amount of chef boyardee, uncle ben's, velveeta... but tomorrow, I'm shaping up! Meatball stroganoff. And I have a plan for future meals, so I'll keep an eye out for sales, etc etc. Gonna get restocked! I'm shaping up! Maybe tomorrow I'll go for a walk in the morning! Maybe before even picking up my phone! Who knows!

Today I'm thankful that it's cooling down!!!! And also for the rain :) And also that the pollen is gone!!!!! After a month of suffering it was suddenly just no longer blowing into my open window :D

wait one last thing, circling back, even though I want to give my brain a break from the bioinfo problems, I inherently still feel that I've left something undone, as in I started working on problem 7 but couldn't figure out the right formula to even do the probability by hand, and even though I want to give myself a full weekend break, my brain is still passively thinking about it because I feel as though I didn't come to a satisfying conclusion. i wasnt even supposed to finish problem 8 tonight but i couldnt let it go.

so i need a distraction.

crochet it is (I'm working on my vest! it is suuuuper cropped (I'm about 2/3 through the front panel right now) and I fear my tiddies will not make it in, but hopefully it will be done before I go home so I can block it and maybe fix it? [edit, two days later: the front was just wonky because this is the first thing I've crocheted in years and I hadn't figured out my tension yet; def gonna redo it i think]).

actual last thing: surprisingly, I'm actually actively working toward several goals. like i always set them, but the past couple of weeks have been a bit of a lull. now I just feel craaazy energized.