#but being in houston for a couple hours makes me feel as gross as i feel after four DAYS of no shower back home
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look i love storms with all my heart but how does anybody live in a place where you have to bathe every day or else your skin turns to mush AND its thundering more often than not. like maybe my experience of houston over the years has involved more thunder than most but if not... WHEN are people washing their sweat off
#btw im nearly certain now that the 'what do you mean you dont bathe every day thats basic hygiene' thing comes from the majority of#americans living in hot or warm places on average#because let me tell you. and this is no different than when ive been here in years past btw#but being in houston for a couple hours makes me feel as gross as i feel after four DAYS of no shower back home
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Jeannette
INT-Scene opens with Abby on the floor of her bathroom curled around the toilet. Playing with the palm of her hand.
ABBY (V.O.)
Jeannette... That's all you remember, Her name. You don't remember why it was so special but if tracing out the ink on the palm of your hand was any indication of the gooie tingly feelings you woke up with, then hell yes it was important. And more important that the last two digits of her phone number had smudged off.
Camera pans to Abby’s hand and back to her face. Suddenly, she realizes how drunk she is and shakes a grimace.
ABBY (V.O.)
If only I could get off this floor and-
Abby is cut off by Max entering the bathroom with a bag of McDonald's and gatorade in his hands
MAX
Jesus, girl. You're a hot mess. Here.
Max passes the bag and drink off like a hot potato. Abby immediately tears through the bag. Cramming fries in her mouth.
ABBY
Sometimes I wish I could marry you.
Max stands akimbo sashaying his hip- Leaning on the door
MAX
I wish the feeling was mutual. When was the last time you got me McDonald’s when I was hungover?
ABBY
When was the last time you were hungover like this?
Groggy arguing back
MAX
That's not even the point.
(waving hands)
You seemed pretty out of it when you got home. You kept going on about this “goddess” you met. I wish I had snapped it. Girl, it was funny.
ABBY
Well I got her number but…( shows Max her palm. With a look of desperation )
MAX
Okay, I have a plan but let me finish my coffee and bring a pen and paper.
Abby looks back confused then feels like vomiting. Max turns to leave the room.
MAX (Cont.)
This is your problem so,you can be my assistant but it looks like you need to pull yourself together.
Abby slowly gets ready still a bit drunk trying to get a hold of herself, leaving the bathroom she enters the kitchen. The apartment has a lofty open feeling to it there is an island that Max is sitting at sipping from a paper cup scrolling through social media faster than he can even comprehend. Abby places the paper and pen near him. He slides it closer to him. Abby sits next to him.
ABBY
So what’s your plan, oh great master.
MAX
If you don’t want my help then…
Max flashes a sparkle in his eyes that is devilish and Abby acquiesces. Max starts to scribble numbers.
ABBY
Well, we can’t call 100 different combinations. That could take all day.
MAX
No, that’s insane. Look the first number looks like a 5. It could be a 3,7 or 2. The second number looks like a 6, which could be an 8 or 0. So that leaves us with 12 options. I’d say that’s progress.
Max begins typing the numbers
MAX(Cont.)
Hi, this is Maxine from the Human Rights Campaign do you have a couple of minutes to talk about gay rights?
(pause)
No, okay would you like to be put on the do not call list?
(pause)
Can you verify your name?
(pause)
...Have a blessed day sir. Homophobic piece of shit.
ABBY
I mean what did you expect? No one wants give money away for free. And why are you pretending to be ‘Maxine?’
MAX
Oh my little Abby. So sweet.
Max continues with the calls.Finally down to the last number we both took a deep breath as the phone rang. This time Max puts the phone on speaker.
MAX
Hi, my name is Maxine I work with the Human Rights Campaign. How are you today?
JEANETTE
(quizzically)
I’m good. How are you?
MAX
Good. Thanks for asking. I’m calling to see if you have a moment to talk about gay rights. Is now a good time?
JEANETTE
Not really. But I already contribute and I’m not going to increase it at this time. Thank you.
MAX
So would you like to add to your contribution?
JEANETTE
I just said no.
Both Max and Abby are perturbed by this response.
MAX
I’m terribly sorry. Can you confirm your name for our records?
JEANETTE
Jeanette Issing, 602 W 185th Street, New York.
MAX
Thank you.
(hangs up)
Sounds bitchy to me.
ABBY
(nervous)
I wouldn’t say that. You did just cold call her.
MAX
Whatever...Now you have her number so get to texting girl. Work some lady loving magic. I’m going to read my book and take a nap.
Max leaves. Abby sits staring at the number catatonically trying to figure out if what to do next. She punches the number in her contacts.
Fade to black “The Next Day”
INT-Music store that Abby works at. It’s around 4 PM Abby stares at her phone trying to figure if she should send a text. The store if virtually empty but abby cautiously looks around. Abby starts typing
“Hey. It’s Abby I just wanted to see what you were up to tonight?”
Then deletes the whole text.
“Hey, sorry to bother you”
Then deletes the whole text.
“Hey, This is Abby from Steamy Bunny. I had a good time ;)”
ABBY
You don’t even remember that night.
(Types again)
“This is ABBY from the other night. I wanted to see what you were up to?”
Her finger hovers over the send button, wincing she presses send. And lets out a breath of relief. Dots begin appearing. 5 seconds passes.Jeanette’s message.
“Hey ;)”
ABBY
Holy shit!
Abby looks around the store. Blushing. dots appear again.
“I’m teaching until 5:30 we could meet up for happy hour. Do you know Mel’s on Broadway?”
Abby’s hands are a bit shaky she exits pulls up google maps and types in Mel’s
ABBY
111th Street! That’s gonna take me and hour.
Her manager pops up behind her.
MANAGER
Hey.
Abby jumps slamming the phone down. Manager follows it with his eyes.
MANAGER(Cont.)
It’s fine if you’re on your phone. No one’s in here anyways.
ABBY
Sorry, thanks.
She doesn’t even know why she’s apologizing.
MANAGER
So.. Anyways. I was just going to let you off early.I’ll close up See you tomorrow.
ABBY
I can stay if you need me to?
MANAGER
Avoiding plans you made?
Manager turns and leaves visibility
ABBY (Cont.)
Shit.
Sighs and texts back
“Sounds great. I’ll see you around 5:45?”
Dots appear
“Works for me.”
Abby goes to the back of the store and grabs her backpack and bike and begins montage.
EXT-”Greenlight” by Lorde is playing. Abby bikes from Williamsburg with headphones. She riding across the bridge leisurely while speeding hipsters pass her but she doesn’t care. As she get on Houston she is cut off by a car song stops as she yells at them. Then continues on. Jumps to her biking on the west side highway at the chorus. Jumps to Abby staring at the large mountain cliff sighs has she struggles to bike up it. Finally arriving Mel’s She rushes inside a bit sweaty. She walks into the bar
ABBY
Can I get a water?
BARTENDER
ID?
She sighs and hands him her ID, He rolls his eyes and gets a very fast non icy water
ABBY
Thanks..
Abby looks around the bar pretty busy with college students. In slowish motion Jeanette walks in. She has this gorgeous aura and Abby instantly remembered why she woke up with tingly feelings. Jeanette walks in and doesn’t recognize Abby and heads to the bar. She orders quickly and starts to look around. And spots Abby Then waves to her. Abby eagerly walks over.
JEANETTE
Hey.
Jeannette instantly hugs Abby catching her off guard.
ABBY
Sorry I’m a little wet.
JEANETTE
(laughs in a sultry tone)
Well aren’t you forward.
ABBY
(nervous laugh)
No! No, I biked here. I’m all sweaty and gross.
Abby avoids eye contact. The previous bartender walks up with Jeanette’ drink, vodka tonic
BARTENDER
Here you go Jenny. You know, we missed you the other night.
(winking)
JEANETTE
Ha, you’re just saying that to tease me. Anyways, Abby, first round's on me. What do you want?
Bartender sneers
ABBY
Um, what kind of whiskey do you have?
BARTENDER
(sighs)
Jack, Jameson, Wild Turkey...
ABBY
Mmmm...I’ll just have a beer. Stella?
Bartender leaves. Jeanette is sort of looking Abby up and down.
JEANETTE
You like whiskey?
ABBY
Yeah. Most places don’t have what I want. But there’s this great place in Brooklyn-
JEANETTE
(cuts off Abby, sarcastically.)
There’s always a ‘great place’ in Brooklyn.
ABBY
You know, it’s not all hipsters. It’s actually owned by this nice guy named Steve. Plays great music. The food is awesome too.
JEANNETTE
I guess you’ll have to take me some time.
She takes a sip of her drink. Abby nervously gulps.Bartender returns with beer. Slamming it down a bit. There’s an awkward silence. Both women sizing each other up.
ABBY
So if I’m being honest, I don’t really remember the other night.
JEANETTE
Well, I’m not surprised.
ABBY
Wait, what happened? You make it sound bad.
Jeanette laughs whilst Abby swoons.
JEANETTE
Well…
(puts drink down)
I was going to the bathroom and there you were. You were on the floor , I think waiting for a stall but you were pretty out of it. So I sat down next to you and we chatted. You looked like you were going to throw up but you didn’t. Anyways, you asked if we could hang out sometime and I gave you my number. Now here we are.
ABBY
Wow, sorry about that. That bathroom floor is not clean. You didn’t have to take care of me.
JEANETTE
(laughs again)
That’s what you said then too. Listen, I don’t think you would have gone home if I hadn’t found you. But I wouldn’t call that a proper introduction.
(holds out her hand)
I’m Jeanette, you can call me Jenny. Nice to meet you
ABBY
(shakes her hand)
Abby-Nice to meet you sober.
(chuckles)
JENNY
So, Abby who drinks whiskey and lives in Brooklyn. What do you do for fun?
ABBY
Fun?
JENNY
Yes, that thing people occasionally indulge in.
ABBY
Um...I play guitar. So I like doing that when, I’m alone.
JENNY
You don’t like an audience?
ABBY
(earnestly)
I have a hard time palying when there are people around. It’s distracting.
Jenny is distracted staring across the room at another woman.
ABBY (Cont.)
Jenny?
JENNY
(shakes her head)
Sorry about-.There’s just someone I- I’ve just seen them around recently.
ABBY
Oh which one?
Jenny points to a woman far away.
JENNY
(wanton)
Her name is Jeanie.
ABBY
She kind of looks familiar. How do you know her?
JENNY
I’ve just seen her around before.
Jeanie catches to Abby looking across the room and begins to walk over. Jenny begins to act nervous. Abby is rather unfazed.
JEANIE
Oh my god Abby!
Jenny looks at Abby with confusion.
JEANIE (Cont.)
Shit it is you. Jeanie, we went to Pace together. Max and I acted together.
ABBY
Oh? I think I remember you and Max did ‘Stop Kiss’ or something? You looked a little different. I guess I didn’t recognize you right away.
JEANIE
(look of disappointment)
Yeah, I chopped off my hair. Who’s your friend?
JEANETTE
(interjects with her hand)
Jenny, pleasure to meet you.
JEANIE
The pleasure is mine.
There is an awkward amount of hand touching, then Jeanie turns to Abby.
JEANIE (Cont.)
Abby we should hangout sometime. Max still has my number. Anyways I won’t keep you. See ya.
JENNY and ABBY
Bye!
Jenny turns back to Abby.
JENNY
Sorry, you were saying... you played guitar?
Music plays over them talking “tip of my tongue” Civil Wars. They continue talking as fast paced people move past them. Seemingly hours past.
ABBY (V.O.)
I don’t think I knew it then but this was the start of something truly...messy.
INT-Abby is asleep in her bed. Sunlight is pouring into the room. The decorations are miss mashing of odd strange things that don’t particularly match. In the room bursts Eliza high energy and jumps on the bed effectively pouncing on Abby. Abby tries to hide underneath the covers and escape.
LIZA
Wake up sleepy head.
ABBY
It’s a Tuesday at 8:00 AM. Why are you here? Don’t you have work?
LIZA
For your information I have the evening shift and Max told me you were out late with a lady love and I want to hear all about it.
ABBY
(defensive)
She’s not my ‘lady love’
LIZA
Whatever...Are you gonna tell me about it or not?
ABBY
(pulls off the covers)
Will you buy me coffee from downstairs?
LIZA
(rolls her eyes)
Fiannneee if you insist. Get up you lazy bum!
INT- Coffee shop. Both are seated Abby is cradling her coffee with sunglasses on. Liza is fast away texting a mile a minute.
ABBY
(disdainfully)
New boy toy?
Liza is still paying attention to her phone.
LIZA
Maybe you’ll find out. Maybe you’ll never know.
ABBY
Hmmm. Well you know I have to pre-vet him before you bring him around the boys. We can’t have a repeat of Michael. Jake near ripped his head off.
LIZA
Yeah yeah. Jake won’t do anything stupid. I hope.
(Places phone down)
Why are you wearing fucking sunglasses inside?
ABBY
I had a long night and I don’t give a fuck.
LIZA
Because you were up all night with your new lady love?
(bats eyelashes)
ABBY
(glows with embarrassment)
It’s not even like that, number one. And we were just talking most of the night. She’s nice, her name is Jenny.
LIZA
That’s not how Max describes it. Gimme your phone?
ABBY
What for?
LIZA
Cause. Now hand it over.
Abby passes the phone over reluctantly. Liza types in the passcode
LIZA (Cont.)
I don’t even know why you bother with a passcode, when I know all of them.
scrolls through Abby’s texts.
“Hey winky face?”
LIZA (Cont.)
I wouldn’t call that nothing.
Abby snatches back her phone.
ABBY
Stop looking through my texts. It’s nothing, Okay?
LIZA
(puts her hands up defensively)
Okay! Jeez. Look I’m happy if your happy. If y’all are just friends I’m cool with it. Just don’t bring her around until you’re sure.
ABBY
What’s that supposed to mean?
LIZA
Remember Angie? Max harassed her all night.
ABBY
I remember. I’m still mad at him for that. She was nice.
LIZA
She was weird and you know it.
ABBY
Maybe not a healthy relationship but it worked at the time.
LIZA
Anyways, if you like this person, Jenny, then get to know her first. Okay? I don’t want you writing some love sick song about her and presenting it to her.
ABBY
That only happened once. And you know I’m sensitive about that. Listen, I will be careful. I’m fully aware of the fully beating heart on my sleeve. Mom!
LIZA
I’m just looking at for you Tabs. Now, I’ve got to go make myself look presentable for Juan. I look like a damn bird lady.
ABBY
(shakes her head)
No you don’t. You look fine.
LIZA
Thanks for the complement. Real confidence booster.
ABBY
You know what I mean.
LIZA
I know. I’m just teasing.
ABBY
(stands up and hugs Liza)
Love you Liza. I’ll see you later
LIZA
Love ya Tabs. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.
ABBY
Like that means anything.
Liza shrugs
INT-Scene opens on Max playing video games in their living room. Abby enters through the front room discarding her sunglasses and hoodie. She vaults over the back of the couch and sits next to Max leaning back and sighing.
MAX
So how was Liza?
ABBY
(indifferently)
Good. Why didn’t you come?
MAX
Coffee isn’t my thing
ABBY
I literally saw you drink coffee yesterday.
Max pauses the game and passes Abby the remote and they both begin to play “rayman”.
MAX
You know,Liza and I haven’t exactly been on the same page since the whole thing with Jake.
ABBY
(very focused on the game)
You have got to let that go. I know Jake is your brother but that was forever ago and we All need to move on.
MAX
It’s not that simple. Jake says he’s fine but he’s not. I haven’t invited him over in sooooo long. I just don’t want him to cause a scene. But I can’t cut him out of my life. He’s the only family I have. Besides I still think I can keep them separated for at least another 2 months.
ABBY
Oooo go back. secret level
Tapping controllers.
ABBY and MAX
Yes!
ABBY
You know I love all of you guys but this has got to stop. This isn’t healthy for anyone. And I can’t be a buffer anymore.
(pause)
Why don’t we all get together for my birthday? We can invite John.
MAX
Ugh John.
ABBY
You know you love him.
MAX
Not since he started dating what’serface. I see them all over facebook all gross and shit. When is the last time he hung out with us. Just us.
ABBY
Exactly my point. We should all get together. It will be hella fun. Pleease it’s my birthday!
MAX
Fine, fine fine. But there better be lots of booze or I am not entertaining. This is my house too.
Abby’s phone buzzes in her pocket she pulls it out to inspect it. Text from Jenny
“I get out of class in at 12 would you want to grab lunch? I had a great time last night. :)”
Max shuffles in his seat realizing that Abby is still just staring at her phone. Abby doesn’t move for about 3 seconds just looking over the words.
MAX
Ah Mah Gawd just say yes. Jesus! Let’s get on with our live’s
Abby protectively pulls away her phone and feigned a shocked look.
ABBY
Ah! What have I said about over the shoulder text reading?
MAX
(mockingly)
It’s an invasion of person space and boundaries and isn’t fair.
ABBY
Yeah! The fact that you know how I feel about it should say something.
MAX
I’m just a curious cat. Now, are you going to text her so we can beat this level? I want a perfect 100 and no less.
Abby types away fast then throws the phone to the other side of the couch.
ABBY
(slightly demonic voice)
Let’s do this!
INT- Barnard College. Students are filing out of the lecture hall. Jenny is putting her books in her bag. She’s sporting fake reading glasses. Abby slowly tip toes into the lecture hall trepidatiously. Checking the students as she walks past. Abby walks up to Jenny.
ABBY
Hey.
(looking down at a syllabus)
When you said you were a teacher I wasn’t expecting this. “Women’s studies a look through an intersectional lense.”
JENNY
It’s just an Intro class they won’t let me teach anything above a 100 level until I’ve been here for a couple more years. But I like it.
Jenny smiles sweetly, a student walks up and stand patiently with her book to her chest, Jenny notices and looks towards the girl and the girl blushes.
STUDENT
Professor Issing, I was wondering if you might have some time to chat about the mid-term paper. I wanted to run an idea past you.
JENNY
(cocks her hip and stares at her knowingly)
I am more than willing to discuss it at office hours. They should be listed on the syllabus. Or you can talk to My TA Gerardo
STUDENT
(looks down)
Oh okay. I’ll stop by this week. See you then.
She smiles and looks up as she leaving then frowns at Abby.
ABBY
(flustered)
So… should we get a sandwich?
Jenny pulls her bag over her shoulder. And they begin to walk out.
JENNY
Don’t worry about her. I’m the youngest professor at Barnard. So they all think I’m available.
ABBY
(nervous)
But you aren’t seeing anybody though?
JENNY
Of course not! I mean I’m not available to them. I’m so not doing a student/teacher thing. I’m trying to get a promotion. And I’m not going to fuck that up. Anyways, there’s great cart I like to go to. We can sit on the library steps since it’s such a nice day.
ABBY
Sounds great to me.
EXT- at the cart. Abby and Jenny are grabbing their boxes of food
JENNY
Thanks Sammy. I’ll see you around.
SAMMY
Okay habibi. Stay safe, these people crazy out there.
JENNY
Always.
Jenny and Abby stroll along Broadway quietly before entering the campus. Abby looks around amazed. Enjoys her bewilderment. They climb to the top of the steps and sit opening their food.
ABBY
Pace never had a campus like this or really even one at all.
Abby opens her box and pokes food.
JENNY
Well that’s what you get with a $9 billion endowment.
(takes a bite)
But that doesn’t make it any better. Education is what you make it. You put in the effort then you’ll make out pretty well. Some of the people who go here don’t even have a clue.
Abby looks down at her food. Sad.
JENNY(Cont.)
I’m sorry did I upset you?
ABBY
No I just think sometimes I’m not on the right path to what I want to do. I have this expensive degree and I’m working at a music store for just over minimum wage. It’s just silly.
JENNY
Are you happy? Like on a day to day basis.
Abby thinks for a moment.
ABBY
I’m happy with what I’m doing. I just don’t know about everything else. You know?
JENNY
(puzzled)
I think that was the most vague nondescript answer I’ve ever heard.
ABBY
(laughs)
Sorry. You don’t want to hear about my melodrama. It’s not even about me.
JENNY
(sits facing Abby)
See this is the problem today. Women think ‘oh my problems aren't valid because they don’t speak to some higher purpose’. We can’t elevate the world around us without elevating each other first. So, tell me.
ABBY
(takes a deep breath)
I guess I want to play music, which is what I’m doing. I don’t want to be famous or anything I just like playing. Being at the store does give me some time to mess around. I used to be inspired but I was bad at writing things down. By the time I figured that out a system the lyrics kind of left me. But I also feel like I let my parents down because I’m not running some successful business. Which I don’t want to be doing. On top of that I’m trying to hold the balance between my best friends. They’re my family, I love them but they constantly make mountains out of mole hills and in some ways it’s valid but like they just can’t seem to move on.
JENNY
(nods head and hums)
So you’re friends can’t get over small bullshit?
ABBY
Not exactly.Long story short my roommate's brother dated this girl in our friend group. It wasn’t exactly healthy, but we didn’t mind. The problem was Jake, the boyfriend, would get drunk and try to cause fights or get angry and leave, yell at his girlfriend for no reason. Of course Jake's brother is my roommate, Max, so, like I can’t avoid him. And honestly Liza, the girlfriend, did nothing wrong. She just broke up with him and it wasn’t mutual. So Jake is upset, still, this was a year ago. And Max blames Liza for breaking up with him. URGH! It just drives me crazy.
JENNY
Wow, that sounds messy. So you’re stuck in the middle? Trying to be friends with all of them.
ABBY
YES! And the worst part about it, is no matter what I say it’s like ‘yeah you’re right but that doesn’t change anything. And I’m just like ‘Damn can you just step back and look at your actions’. Like everyone is physically stressed out by this situation.
JENNY
I mean people can’t exactly change their feelings that’s what makes things like this messy. It’s illogical but it doesn’t matter because it just is. You can’t fix everyone’s problems, Abby.
(reaches for Abby’s hand)
Sometimes you have to take care of yourself.
ABBY
(nervously swallows hard and stills)
You’re ...Right. I just want...things to go back to normal. If I had a time machine.
JENNY
(smiles)
Again you can’t fix everything. Even if you want to-
(looks at her watch)
Shit I’ve got to get to class. But if you ever need to talk I’m here for you.
Jenny Embraces Abby in a deep hug.
ABBY
Thanks.
They hug for a long moment and Abby nuzzles into the crook of Jenny’s neck. Jenny pulls away and looks at Abby then kisses her cheek.
JENNY
Maybe we can hang out in Brooklyn tomorrow I don’t have class then.
ABBY
That would be nice.
Camera pans out and up into the sky and fades into Abby’s notebook, she is writing words to song lyrics at the counter of the music store. While humming. The manager walks up to her peeking over her shoulder.
MANAGER
Are you going to show me what you got there?
Abby pulls away some not totally recoiling.
ABBY
Maybe. It’s a work in progress. I’ll show you when it’s done.
MANAGER
You know I can always lend an ear.
He laughs a little at his own pun.
ABBY
Cute Ed.
(Pause)
Fine but, I’m not singing I’ll just show you the guitar parts.
They walk over to the stands, Abby pick up a cream colored Telecastor.And plugs it into the amp(fender deville) she plays a soft finger plucked song humming softly. Ed picks up a guitar. He lets her play a bit before for joining in. He plays the harmony that she is singing. Abby smiles and stops humming. They play one round and Abby starts to sing some of the lyrics. After a verse Ed stops from the ding of the door.
ED
Hey, feel free to take a look around.
Ed looks down at Abby and whispers.
ED (Cont.)
She looks cute.
Abby turns around in her stool. revealing Jeanie. Abby places the guitar down and turns off the amp.
ABBY
I got this Ed.
(Pause)
Hey Jeanie. Are you looking for something in particular that I can help you with?
Jeanie pulls out a small Ukulele
JEANIE
I broke a string on this.
Abby steps closer to inspect the ukelele.
ABBY
Got it. You want me to replace it for you? There’s no extra charge.
JEANIE
That’d be great. I don’t really know how anyways.
ABBY
Sure.
Abby walks over to the wall of stings and grabs a pack and places the uke on the countertop. Then starts replacing the string.
ABBY (Cont.)
I didn’t know you played the Ukulele.
JEANIE
Not really. I know a couple of songs. I actually need to for a prop.
ABBY
(playfully)
Oh another play. You starring on Broadway or something?
JEANIE
I wish. I’m doing this black box thing not too far from here. I mean not many people go to Brooklyn to see a play
ABBY
(sarcastically)
There is culture and things here. And not just in Williamsburg.
JEANIE
(does not pick up on the sarcasm)
I love Bedford ave. They have such cute stores. And there’s this little gem.
Abby finish stringing the Ukelele and plays a little diddy.
ABBY
All done. The strings will slip out of tune for a little bit so you may have to tune it a couple of times
Jeanie looks puzzled.
JEANIE
I don’t have a tuner actually. I don’t think I’ve ever actually tuned it.
Abby scratches her head.
ABBY
Um..well.Someone told me you can just remember this.
(sings while plucking each string)
‘My dog has fleas’. I’m those aren’t the notes but it’s the tones. It’s easy enough to remember.
JEANIE
I think I can remember that.
(smiles and places her hand over ABBY’s on the neck of the uke)
You know I don’t remember you being this cute in college.
ABBY
(eyes dart down in embarrassment)
I guess I just grew into myself more. Here
Abby holds out the uke and Jeanie takes it.
JEANIE
Listen you should come to the show it’s suggested donation.
Jeanie holds out card. Abby takes it.
JEANIE (Cont.)
Show starts at 8.
ABBY
I might stop by later if I have time.
JEANIE
Well we’re playing all week so you should stop by st some point.
ABBY
I will.
JEANIE
Great I’ll see you around.
Jeanie exists through the front door. Abby takes a deep breath.
ED
She’s a piece of work, ain’t she.
ABBY
Ed!
ED
What? Oh please fix my Ukulele. Did you even charge her?
ABBY
You know if that was a regular you wouldn’t have charged her.
ED
But she’s not a regular. And she caught you off guard with that little hand thing.
ABBY
I am so not in the mood for this conversation
ED
Whatever. I’m just pointing out the obvious.
ABBY
Which is?
ED
This is why you don’t have a girlfriend. She was flirting with you. She came into this specific store to fix one string. And she wants you to go to that show. So go!
ABBY
Even if she was flirting I’m sure she’s into someone else.
ED
So! Seize the moment. You just have to go for it. Rip the band aid off. Jump in the deep end. Swim with the sharks
ABBY
OK! I get it. Lay off with the analogies. I’ll think about it.
ED
Well don’t miss an opportunity because you’re holding out for something better. If you get a call about a gig you take it then worry about the set list.
ABBY
Yeah yeah. Sage advice from my guru
ED
(points finger)
You know I’m right which is why you’re deflecting.
ABBY
I think you should have been a psychiatrist because you love this shit.
ED
What can I say. I’m a good read of people.
8. EXT- Abby is standing outside smoking a cigarette checking her phone before placing it in her pocket.There are other groups of people standing around talking. Jeanie walks up behind Abby and taps her shoulder.
JEANIE
Hey. I’m glad you could make it.
ABBY
Yeah, well you said to. Couldn’t pass it up.
Jeanie check behind her. ABBY shakes her head mouthing ‘what the fuck’ to herself, Jeanie turns back to face her
JEANIE
You think I could bum one of those.
Abby is taken aback reaching in her pocket and pulls out a pack.
ABBY
Sure.
Pulling out a cigarette and Jeanie places it in her mouth and leans forward for Abby to light it. Jeanie cups her hand around Abby’s looking up at her with hooded eyelids. Then pulls back.
JEANIE
What did you think of the play?
ABBY
Um I thought it was interesting and uh….
JEANIE
You didn’t like it huh?
ABBY
(laughs)
No. It was hard to follow for me. The whole nonlinear thing didn’t make sense at times.
JEANIE
Well that’s the point. To make you question what’s really going on when.
ABBY
I’m not a theater person I guess.
JEANIE
(places her hand on ABBY’s bicep)
That’s okay at least you showed up. That’s more than I can say for some of my friends.
ABBY
I’m glad I could help be supportive.
JEANIE
You’re are always so sweet Abby. I think that’s what I remembered the most about you. Max always said such nice things about you.
ABBY
Well I’m glad he did because he could say worse.
JEANIE
I highly doubt that
ABBY
I probably should be getting home.
Abby starts unlocking her bike next to the pole].
ABBY(Cont.)
Where do you live?
JEANIE
I live on the upper west side where you saw me the other night. I’m just going to the train.
ABBY
Let me walk you to the stop. It’s on my way.
JEANIE
Thanks I appreciate that. Maybe I won’t be verbally harassed today.
ABBY
One can only hope.
They continue to walk down the street.
JEANIE
Speaking of the other night, who was that woman you were with? Jenny?
ABBY
Yeah what about her?
JEANIE
Just curious. You know what her deal is?
ABBY
She’s a friend. She works at Barnard. She’s a professor
JEANIE
Ah. So you two aren’t together?
ABBY
No, no, no
(quietly)
But...
Jeanie cuts her off without hearing the but
JEANIE
Is she single?
ABBY
Um yeah I think so.
JEANIE
Do you think...if it’s not too much to ask, maybe get her number off of you?
ABBY
Um what?
JEANIE
If that’s not too weird. Or anything.
ABBY
(take a second to think about it.)
I mean sure why not. Here
Abbyr pulls out the phone from her pocket pulling up the contact.
JEANIE
Wow! Thanks a lot I really appreciate it. I’ll text it to myself so you can have my number too. Maybe you could teach me some of your music skills.
Jeanie passes the phone back.
ABBY
Yeah sure no problem.
They arrive at the train stop.
ABBY (Cont.)
I’ll see you around sometime.
Jeanie pulls Abby in for a side hug.
JEANIE
Yeah I’ll see you around. Thanks for the walk.
ABBY
No problem.
Jeanie leaves down the stairs while Abby turns around doubling back the way she came.
9.EXT. Roof of the loft apartment. Max and Abby are smoking a joint on the roof listening to music and drinking a few beers. Ratatat’s song Nostrand is playing in the background.
ABBY
I feel played man.
MAX
What did you expect It’s Jeanie fucking Thompson. She’s manipulative. She was like notorious for that shit.
ABBY
I had totally forgotten about all that drama. I just thought like she was being nice. She said I was ‘cuter than she remembered’. Like I’ve always been cute. Look at this face.
MAX
Tabby, I don’t want to burst your bubble but... you used to wear cargo shorts.
ABBY
That didn’t mean I wasn’t cute
MAX
They had holes in the butt.
ABBY
Maybe I didn’t have a fashion sense but that is conceded to say that I wasn't cute.
Max raises his hands, in defense.
MAX
Alright. You were cute. But this is coming from the man not attracted to women.
ABBY
True. I just can’t believe it. If you were there you would have seen it.
MAX
I’ve seen you around girls, Abs. She probably wasn’t actually hitting on you.
ABBY
She totally was! I swear it was just so she could get that number out of me. Fucking cunt.
MAX
So you’re telling me you actually gave her the number. I spent a good time on figuring that out. I’m gonna give her a piece of my-
ABBY
Maaax.
MAX
Ok fine I’ll leaver her alone. But if she comes over here I’m doing something.
ABBY
What are you gonna do?
MAX
I don’t know lick the top of her chapstick. Fart in her bag.
(shruggs)
ABBY
You are straight childish. But I support it.
Both laugh
MAX
Alright. So like what’s the deal with this Jenny? Are you going to take her on a real date because this weird grab a drink/ lunch is not sexy.
ABBY
(sighs)
I haven’t figure that out yet. She’s smart for god sake. Where am I going to take her? I can’t take her to the ale house.
MAX
NO! It needs to be romantic.
ABBY
I could take her to a performance something at the Met.
MAX
You have gone to Manhattan too many times. Let her come to you.
ABBY
Fine I’ll take her to BAM
Abby pulls out phone typing away.
MAX
Ew Ew you should take her to 5th Ave they have some little places right by there. Have a drink in a quiet secluded bar, dark mysterious like our little Tabs.
ABBY
Okay- The Principles of Uncertainty. I’m getting them. Done
MAX
Impulsive much?
ABBY
It was almost sold out and it’s like the premiering night. And it’s next weekend so timing is everything.
MAX
Whatever. I do have to meet her at some point. Approve her potential status.
ABBY
For all the mothering I do for your guys. This is the thanks I get.
MAX
(places hand on Abby’s shoulder)
Love blinds. And you are very weak.
ABBY
Like I said the thanks I get
MAX
It comes from a good place.
10. EXT- Abby is waiting outside the Barclay’s center waiting for Jenny. Jenny is slowly coming up the escalator.
ABBY
I’m glad you found your way. I know it’s a bit of a trek
Abby rubs the back of her head.
JENNY
It was fine although without the helpful tip about the back of the train I might have gotten lost in the station
ABBY
I have literally been lost in there for like 30 minutes, before. So tips from a pro. Shall we go.
JENNY
Where will we be going to first?
ABBY
There’s a little strip of bars on 5th. All of them are pretty good so, which ever one sticks out to you.
JENNY
You don’t have a special place picked out ?
ABBY
Maybe ?
They walk down the street when Abby begins to slow down in front of the place she wants to go. Jenny smiles and takes the hint.
JENNY
Very subtle.
ABBY
I have no idea what you’re talking about
JENNY
So you want to go to this one
(points with finger)
ABBY
You said it not me.
Jenny shakes her head and opens the door. It’s a small dark bar with a few older couples drinking wine quietly. They both walk up to the bar and sit.
BARTENDER
(places napkins on the bar)
What are you ladies having to drink to night?
JENNY
Vodka tonic.
Abby stands on the edge of the chair looking behind the bar. For 3 seconds. Jenny looks confused.
ABBY
Ooo yeah Blanton’s
BARTENDER
How do you want that?
ABBY
Neat.
Bartender leaves.
JENNY
So Blanton’s is your kind of whiskey? Neat, how very sophisticated of you.
ABBY
It’s good. And I don’t want it watered down by ice. It’s pretty expensive.
JENNY
If you work at a music store then how do you afford a $20 drink?
ABBY
I have other business ventures.
JENNY
And what would those be?
Drinks are placed down. Abby passes her card to the bartender. Then passes a business card to Jenny.
JENNY
(laughs)
You teach music? That’s so cute! Are they like little 10 year olds learning chopsticks?
ABBY
That’s piano and more like 40 year old single men. Some younger hipster guys who walk into the shop but, once they realize they aren’t as good as me , a girl, they get pissed and don’t come back.
JENNY
Sounds shitty. Do they come to your apartment?
ABBY
Worse, I go to theirs. I’ve seen things that can’t be shared with regular people.
JENNY
(Jokingly)
I’m just regular.
ABBY
Of course not!
In a realization of what she just said her eyes dart down. Jenny searches Abby’s face. They both take drink separately to avoid further conversation.
JENNY
(calmly)
Do I ever get to hear you play?
ABBY
Maybe. I haven’t done an open mic thing in a while.
JENNY
You should. I bet you’re great.
ABBY
Thanks. Encouragement is appreciated.
JENNY
And tips.
ABBY
That’s actually what it says on my jar
JENNY
Really?
ABBY
No. They don’t let you put jars out at open mics
JENNY
Oh I’ve never been before. I’ve been to some poetry slams but those are very different.
ABBY
Some people do poetry
JENNY
Really?
ABBY
Some people dance. I’ve seen comedy before.
(with disgust)
There’s this one guy with puppets it’s not great.
JENNY
(playfully)
What’s wrong with puppets?
ABBY
The bit is about creepy old men with audience participation.
JENNY
Ah. Well I’d like to hear some of your works.
ABBY
Right now?
JENNY
Is that possible?
(leans in closer)
ABBY
I- um...It’s well
JENNY
That’s a yes. Show me. Please
(claps hands together)
Abby sighs and finishes her drink, reaching for her phone slowly. Mumbles in a low voice.
ABBY
Don’t judge me okay.
JENNY
(earnestly)
I won’t.
Abby passes the phone the Jenny looking down at the hands clasped in between her legs. Jenny has the phone cupped to her ear. We can’t hear the music. Jenny bobs her head dictating a slow rhythm. Jenny’s face turns loose and limp. Sadness takes over. The song ends and she passes the phone quietly to Abby.
ABBY
(concerned by the silence)
Did you like it?
JENNY
I did. But who is it about?
ABBY
It’s about my grandpa. He died when I was in highschool. It wasn’t exactly sudden but, my parents weren’t very forward the fact that he was on his deathbed. I just didn’t get to say what I wanted to say to him.
JENNY
I’m so sorry .
ABBY
(straightens up)
This was years ago, there’s not too much to be sorry for now. But I needed that song, then. It just poured out of me. I wrote it in about 15 minutes. Which is crazy. Everything I’ve written that is actually good it is just in these spurts. And I don’t even see it coming. I just pick up my guitar and there it is. I’m lucky if I can grab a pen in time.
JENNY
Wow. So why aren’t you out there writing songs?
ABBY
If only that were so easy. I have only about 5 of those moments in 13 years. And I remember them, distinctly. But there are so many songs that just get lost or unfinished. Sometimes I can’t find the thing that the song is about. So they just lay there in my 2 minute recordings.... I’m sorry I’m babbling
JENNY
No, No! I want to hear this. I never thought-
(stops herself)
ABBY
Thought what?
JENNY
That -
(pauses to choose a particular word)
You were so deep?
ABBY
(angry)
What did you think?
JENNY
I don’t know. You worked in a music shop and you’re funny and cute. I don’t know what I thought.
ABBY
Listen don’t get me wrong here but there’s more to me then how I act. I don’t open up to people, easily. I’m more often hurt than helped and...I just want to honest about who I am. That’s all I’ve ever been.
JENNY
(confused)
There’s not anything else you want to be honest with.
Abby stares off looks up a clock-sudden shock. Turns towards the bartender.
ABBY
Oh my god is that the real time?
BARTENDER
Why else do I hang a clock on the wall?
ABBY
Shit we got to go.
“Queen Bitch by David Bowie starts playing. Grabs Jenny’s hand and runs out of the bar. Running through the streets on green lights skillfully running around people with Jenny trotting behind.
JENNY
You left your card!
ABBY
Forget it. I’ll come back tomorrow. The show starts in 5 minutes. I got too caught up there.
Stops at a busy intersection. ABBY looking left and right bouncing a bit.
JENNY
It’s okay if we’re late. I’m sure they’ll seat us.
Break in traffic Abby starts to run again.
ABBY
It’s opening night we can’t be late. Also BAM is hella strict on closed door policy.
They run up the stairs outside bam. Pulling out the tickets quickly. Getting them scanned and sitting at the house lights close as they take their seat
11.INT- Abby and Jenny are walking side by side talking about the show. Abby sees a restroom and excuses herself. Camera follows Jenny outside she walks up to a bike rack and leans against it. Camera pans out showing her playing on her phone. A group of men walk past. One of them pats the other and walk towards Jenny.
GUY
What’s a pretty girl like you doing all alone?
JENNY
(looks up from her phone)
I’m just waiting for a friend so…
GUY
If I was him I wouldn’t leave you out here in the cold.
JENNY
Well that’s not gonna happen, okay? I have a boyfriend.
GUY
Then where’s he at?
JENNY
(Snarky)
On his way so scram!
GUY
(turns back to his friends)
I like em feisty. What’s your name beautiful
JENNY
Nonya….Nonya bussiness
GUY
How very 90’s of you. Listen if your boyfriend don’t come out here in 5 minutes. You have to give me your number
JENNY
In your dreams.
Jenny begins to walk away. Abby is coming down the stairs. Man is following her. His friends are about 10’ away.
GUY
Come on! Give me a chance
Abby walks faster to Jenny once she sees the bastard. Jenny walks a bit faster catching up. Abby cuts off the guy and stumbles bumping into him.
ABBY
OH I’m soo sorry. Are you hurt?
Guy tries to get around her.
ABBY (Cont.)
No seriously I didn’t mean to
GUY
Dude get outta my way!
ABBY
But really though? I don’t want you to sue me.
GUY
Jesus lady I’m fine. Now will you move.
ABBY
(Feigns shock)
You are so rude.
FRIENDS
Let it go man she’s gone. Come’on let’s go. You’re being annoying. She’s a bitch anyways
GUY
Yeah yeah, Whatever.
They all turn and walk away. Abby looks to see where Jenny went. She checks her phone. ‘Around the corner’. Abby walks on a quiet secluded street and is standing waiting impatiently.
ABBY
You okay?
JENNY
I hate that I can’t go out one fucking night without some fucking comment. Did you tell him off?
ABBY
No. I don’t want to piss off the angry/ horny bear.
JENNY
(broods)
Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just angry.
(looks at Abby)
Thank you, you didn’t have to do all that falling business.
ABBY
Well better then running away.
Jenny looks down with her arms crossed.
ABBY (Cont.)
I mean that’s why I’m here. I’m sorry the night ended on a bad note. I had a good time, though.
Jenny still looking at the ground quietly.
ABBY(Cont.)
You alright?
JENNY
I just hate that this shit gets to me.I teach feminism at an all women's college, for god sake. Now I’m all pissed and shit. And it’s an hour train ride. Probably longer because the trains are all fucked up. And I am not sitting in a cab with a strange man after that.
ABBY
I totally understand . Listen, I live about 30 minutes from here. If you don’t want to go home. I have a nice couch you can sleep on?
JENNY
Really? What train to do live off of?
ABBY
Well um, the M or L but we would take the bus it’s faster.
JENNY
I don’t think I’ve ever taken the bus before.
ABBY
It’s not glamorous but it is direct and you get cell service. But I guess you’re used to that in your fancy Wifi manhattan stations.
JENNY
I didn’t say I was opposed to the bus just hadn’t taken one before.
ABBY
Then let’s be on our way.
They are waiting at the bus stop as it pulls up. Abby let’s Jenny enter first. Jenny tries to sit in the front. Abby pulls her to the back. And sit down in the back.
ABBY
You always take the back seats first. Bus etiquette.
JENNY
Oh sorry. Why ?
ABBY
It’s hard to move around. Plus a bunch of older people take the bus and they sit in the front for easy access.
JENNY.
I see.
Abby pulls out her phone and headphones and passes a free earbud. Quietly takes it. Better Times by Beach house or dramamine by modest mouse comes on Jenny stares out of the bus window as they pass through narrow streets. Some people are walking about Abby is looking forward not wanting to look at Jenny. Jenny’s hand twitches towards Abby’s leg just as she’s about to touch it. Abby get’s up and presses the button.
ABBY
This is our stop.
Jenny gets up quietly and follows Abby out the doors. Abby holds the doors open for a little old lady and her cart
ABBY (Cont.)
Want a hand?
LADY
Oh yes.Please
Abby grabs the bottom of a cart and carries it down the stairs
LADY (Cont.)
Thank you sir.
ABBY
No problem. Stay safe
LADY
You too.
Abby and Jenny walk past.
JENNY
(jokingly)
Such a chivalrous young man.
ABBY
I’m not gonna shove my white privilege in people’s faces and I was misgendered for 2 seconds, I don’t mind.
Jenny finds the gesture endearing and sweet. Abby is focus on the street ahead. They walking into a building and stop up the stairs. Only hear the jingle of her keys. Jenny leans against the wall while Abby unlocks the front door.
ABBY
Well here it is. In all it’s glory
Jenny looks around curious
JENNY
It’s cute.
Abby goes to the kitchen and fixes two glasses of water and passes one to Jenny. Jenny looks down at drink.
JENNY
I’m sorry that I was being a little crazy back there. Normally that stuff doesn’t bother me.
ABBY
It’s totally okay. You should be upset. That guy was an ass hat. I’m just sorry that you have to sleep on my couch. Which by the way-
Abby walks over to find a Jake (Max’s brother) sleeping on the couch fully dressed. Abby turns back to Jenny.
ABBY
Looks like we have a problem.
Jenny peaks over the edge of the couch.
JENNY
Oh.[pause] Well I can just sleep in your bed.
Abby blinks a few times.
ABBY
I-could sleep on the floor
JENNY
I meant we could both sleep in the bed. You don’t need to sleep on the floor.
Jake begins to stir. Abby leads Jenny to her bedroom. Abby starts sifting through her drawers trying to find spare pajamas for Jenny. Meanwhile Jenny is undressing to her underwear and T-shirt. Abby turns around as Jenny is bent over. Abby blushes and turns around and puts the clothes on top of the dresser. Jenny has already climbed into bed.
JENNY
Sorry I’m just so tired
(yawns)
Abby slow follow’s Jenny’s lead and strips to her underwear and shirt. Quickly dart under the covers. They’re backs are facing. Abby is still rustling a bit to get comfortable.
JENNY
Abby?
ABBY
Yeah?
JENNY
Can we cuddle?
Abby stills, breathless. Jenny stirs but doesn’t roll over. Abby reluctantly turns over and scoots closer. They are close but not touching. Jenny reaches for Abby’s and pulls it around her.
JENNY
Is this okay?
ABBY
(barely audible)
Yeah.
JENNY
Good.
“Run All Night” by Rachael Cantu plays. Jenny pulls Abby tighter. Abby lays awake. Somewhere between terrified and excited. But petrified.
INT-Abby’s Bedroom. The sun is barely up but Abby didn’t sleep at all that night. She quietly gets up not to wake Jenny and goes into the kitchen and starts to make coffee. She rubs her head in frustration. She slams the coffee cup down hard. It wakes Jake.
JAKE
(Incoherent mumbles)
Abby?
Abby takes another cup of coffee and walks it over the the couch. Passes it to Jake who sits up. They both sit on the couch.
ABBY
So what happened?
JAKE
Why do you assume something happened?
ABBY
Your knuckles have cuts on them.
Jake tries to hide his hands.
ABBY (CONT.)
I don’t care what happened. Just let me know if I shouldn’t open the door.
JAKE
I wouldn’t. But for the record it was self-defense.
ABBY
Didn’t say it wasn’t. Listen I have a someone over so if you could-
Jenny is holding her coat over her arm and is quietly leaving the room. Her path is aimed towards the door.
JENNY
Thanks for letting me stay over. I have to get going I have a class in a few hours. I’ll text you?
ABBY
Yeah no problem.
Abby stands up
ABBY (CONT.)
I can walk you down?
JENNY
No it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll text you. Bye.
Jenny leaves and the door slams a bit. Jake lifts his brows in surprise.
JAKE
That was rude.
ABBY
She had to leave.
JAKE
She didn’t even hi to me. Bitch
ABBY
Can you not?
JAKE
Sorry. Just saying man.
ABBY
Yeah, well it’s not cool. Anyways. You coming to my party next weekend?
JAKE
I wouldn't miss it for the world Tabs!
Scruffs Abby’s Hair. Abby pulls away and adjusts it.
ABBY
Just be chill okay?
JAKE
I’m always chill
Abby looks down at Jake’s hands.
JAKE (CONT.)
Okay. I’ll be chill. Just don’t be lame and puss out. We gettin you fucked up!!!!
ABBY
I won’t puss out. You just worry about yourself.
Both sip coffee at the same time.
INT-The Apartment. Party night with the gang. Abby is prepping the house with drugs, booze and tunes. Max idly helping out but also playing different music than Abby wants. Door knocks Abby goes to get it group of Jake, Eliza, John and John’s girlfriend. Liza enter first and pinches Abby’s cheeks
LIZA
Oh Tabby!
Jake does a sort of dab hand shake
JAKE
Hey man what’s going on.
John does the same hand shake
JOHN
Hey Abb’s this is my girlfriend. I hope it’s cool I brought her.
ABBY
Of course. Nice to meet you nameless girlfriend.
(Abby smiles)
DENISE
Oh, uh my name is Denise. Nice to meet you.
Chaos ensues. All the pre-party planning destroyed in one fell swoop.Jake is poking through the drawers looking for something. No one knows. Max and Liza are cackling and making weird cooing noises at Abby’s efforts to maintain calm while John and Denise are make themselves a drink being disgustingly cute. Abby hangs her head.
ABBY
Jake, stop looking for drugs. They’re all laid out on the table for you.
Jake puts on Abby’s sunglasses
JAKE
I’m not looking for drugs. But these sunglasses are awesome. Can I have them?
ABBY
No!
Jake ignores Abby and sits on the couch next to his brother, sunglasses on. Abby walks behind Liza fiddling with the music.
ABBY
You know I did make a playlist. Guys.
LIZA
Oh Mama Abby.
(pats Abby’s hand)
You know I got to play my boy Bob before John plays his weird ass dubstep
John walks over to the couch, Denise follows
JOHN
You guys don’t like my music?
ABBY
No one said that. Liza just wants to be the DJ for once. alright?
LIZA
Yeah! Fuck you male privilege!
(fist to the air)
JOHN
Let’s play Medusa!
ABBY
Do we have to jump right in? Can’t we enjoy each other’s company for 5 minutes.
LIZA & MAX
(Talking over each other)
Come on Tabby Abby get in the game! It’s gonna be a long night. You don’t even have to work tomorrow. Or drive or get home. Pleeaaasee.
ABBY
Fine.
MAX.
(Mimics Abby)
Fine
(then smiles)
JOHN
(to Denise)
Okay so, the game works by everyone putting their heads on the table. When I say go we all look up. Whoever is looking at someone and they are looking back at you they have to drink. Kay?
DENISE
Um, I’ll sit this round out and watch until I figure it out.
John gives her a reassuring side hug
MAX
I mean it’s pretty simple game.
JAKE
Yeah, even Abby is doing it.
ABBY
Wow. Didn’t know I was setting the standard.
LIZA
Abby Tabby (shake head)
JOHN
ANYWAYS! Get your drinks so we can get started.
Jake and Max run to the refrigerator as if they were racing. Abby and Liza follow behind and return with their drinks.
JOHN
Head’s down
Everyone but Denise puts their heads down.
JOHN (CONT.)
1,2,3 GO!
Max and Abby make eye contact
ABBY & MAX
Damnit!
ABBY
We must be in sync. Fuck.(both drink)
MAX
I don’t have a vagina so. Don’t know how that’s possible.
Montage of lots of drinking few rounds, everyone has had a turn except Denise. Door knocks( music stops). Abby gets up.
MAX
Who’s that?
ABBY
I invited Jenny.
Liza puts her finger in his open mouth and gags, Max laughs both Denise and John are clueless. Abby opens the door to reveal Jenny in a fancy trench coat holding a bottle of wine.Very much dressed for a dinner party.
ABBY(CONT.)
Hey, come in.
Abby opens the door further and lets in Jenny. Once the door is closed Jenny pulls Abby in for a firm, long sensual hug.
JENNY
Hey
Everyone else is watching this for the entire length of the hug.Shocked and taken aback at how Abby and Jenny do not seem to realize they are still in the room. Jenny pulls back and turns to the room noticing the drinking is already taking place.
JENNY (CONT.)
(Awkward)
I brought wine but I don’t think anyone wants it. So I’ll just put it in the kitchen.
Liza springs up from couch and runs towards the kitchen.
LIZA
Oh I’ll have some. White wine spritzer!
Abby stares coldly as Liza takes the bottle from Jenny.
JENNY
Sure, go for it.
She passes the bottle at an arm's length distance.Liza opens the bottle and pours nearly to the brim of the glass before returning to the group.
ABBY
I do have vodka if you want that?
JENNY
Sure. You know what I like by now.
ABBY
I suppose. Go and sit down make yourself comfortable. I’ll fix it for you.
Jenny approaches slowly, careful to not feel too comfortable. She sits awkwardly in a single chair.
JENNY
So what game are you guys playing?
Liza is sprawled lazily drinking her wine regally.
LIZA
I’m done playing. I have a headache. But I’m interested in hearing about you Jenny. Abby hasn’t told us too much about you.
JENNY
There’s not much to tell really. I’m a professor at Barnard. I teach women's studies but mostly intro classes. I only started working there last year.
LIZA
And what were you doing before that?
JENNY
I was getting my master’s at Barnard.
MAX
So you like all women’s schools?
Abby returns from the kitchen and hands Jenny her drink.
ABBY
No interrogations before midnight.
Abby winks at Jenny. Jenny ignores it, still focused on Liza.
LIZA
Well we just wanted to get to know Jenny your...friend here.
ABBY
Well like she said she teaches women’s studies and you all know how we met. So what more is there to know?
LIZA
But how does she feel about Bob Dylan?
Everyone in the friend group eye rolls and sighs. Denise and Jenny are lost. Jenny searches Abby for any indication of the right answer.Abby won’t answer.
JENNY
I guess he’s alright?
Liza passes her glass to Max and leans forward.
LIZA
He is possibly the great musician that has ever existed. He is more than alright.
Stands up abruptly and walks to the speakers.
LIZA (Cont.)
If you are not converted after this song. Then I don’t know what.
Abby knits her eyebrows and rubs her head.
ABBY
Really? Do you have to do this?
LIZA
Tabby, don’t be such a downer. You know you like him too.
Liza puts on “going going gone” by Bob Dylan. While the friend group rolls their eyes again as they have hear this song for the umteenth time. Denise being on the outside looks at Jenny and they share an awkward exchange as if to say “is she for real right now?”
Abby sits at the table and rolls a joint, some how in a way to bridge a divide. Once finished rolling she lights it and passes it to Jenny
ABBY
(while holding in the smoke)
Guests first.
Jenny Semi-reluctantly takes the joint and takes a baby puff and passes to Max.
MAX
(Earnest)
We do puff-puff pass. If you want.
Max passes it on to Liza who is still very much into the song. Once finished, she passes it to Jake. They share a devilish look. Jake stands up before passing it to John.
JAKE
I’ll be right back.
Abby and Max exchange a knowing look and follow their eyes to Jake going to the bathroom. John and Denise are whispering over how Denise hasn’t really smoked before and John is assisting with the joint. Max leans over to Liza to have a side conversation. Abby turns to Jenny
ABBY
(in a whisper) I’m sorry about Liza she can be...forward.
JENNY
It’s okay.
Jenny wants to say more but John leans in a passes the joint to Abby.
JOHN
I’m John by the way. This is my girlfriend Denise.
DENISE
Nice to meet you. Abby, thanks for having us over. I’m glad to finally meet you. John talks about you alot
ABBY
No problem. I just want to be around people I love on my birthday. I hope John hasn’t told you any horror stories.
JOHN
Tabby I would never.
JENNY
Why do you guys keep call her Tabby?
Max and Liza overhear this and jump over to where Abby is sitting and pinch her cheeks and rub her hair.
MAX and LIZA
Because she’s cute Tabby cat
MAX
She’s soft and cuddly
LIZA
Gets all angry and flustered when you don’t do things her way.
JOHN
She’s just Tabby. Don’t know how to explain it any other way.
ABBY
(disheartened)
I’ve learned to accept it.
LIZA
You know you love it.
Abby grunts. Meanwhile (in the background) Denise has left to use the bathroom. The bathroom door swings open. Jake appears to be doing something secretive and closes it. Denise asks to use the bathroom.
DENISE (from across the room)
Can I just get in there for a minute?
JAKE (from across the room)
Give me a second.
DENISE
I got to go (Opens the door knocking into Jake.)
JAKE
What the fuck, Bitch! I said wait.
DENISE
You did not just call me a bitch!
All the friends have been alerted by this time. Abby and Max share a frantic look. John turns into ultra protective mode and stands up. Jake emerges.
JAKE
John, you need to keep your bitch in line!
Denise pushes Jake’s back
DENISE
You are not gonna let him talk to me like this? You call this guy your friend?
JAKE
John Seriously, no manners.
John is now chest to chest with Jake
JOHN
Dude, you need to calm down.
JAKE
Me? she’s the one acting all crazy and shit!
JOHN
I’m serious man. You need to chill
Jake pushes John. John lunges into Jake and grapple each other. Max and Abby spring from their seats. Abby pulls Denise away, who is in shock. Max prys the two of them apart grabbing Jake by the shoulders and leading him to the front door. John still angry tries step forward Abby steps in front of him.
ABBY
He didn’t mean it. You know that.
John looks at Abby and steps back and walks to Denise and asks if she’s alright.
MAX
You need to leave now.
Max is livid but calm. He’s done this many times. Jake steps back and sniffles his nose and pinches it.
JAKE
Com’on I’m family. You’re not gonna kick me out, are you? Look I’m cool man, I’m cool. I swear.
MAX
You need to leave, go home calm down. Ride it out.
ABBY
Jake, just go and cool down.
Jake looks around the room expecting someone to defend him. Just silence.
JAKE
Fuck you! I’m outta here.
Jake leaves and slams the door. Abby nods to Max who follows Jake out into the hall. Abby turns back to John and Denise.
ABBY
I am so sorry Denise. Jake can lose his temper,sometimes. I suggest you guys wait a bit, if you want to leave. If you need some space,you can use my bedroom.
Denise looks at John.
DENISE
Thanks.
John and Denise walk off into Abby’s bedroom. Abby looks at the front door, murmurs of yelling are going on in the hallway. Abby goes to sit down next to Liza and downs her drink
LIZA
God, I hate it when he does this.
Abby is too afraid to acknowledge Jenny’s presence she is embarrassed and remorseful, that all of this is happening.
ABBY
Yeah. I think he’s had a rough couple of days.
Jenny looks at both of them curious
JENNY
You’re not seriously defending him? He just did blow in the bathroom and yelled at that girl for no reason!
ABBY
I’m not defending his actions. But he’s still my friend.
JENNY
Friends don’t have angry bursts of rage at someone else’s house on their birthday.
Abby wants to rebuttal but Liza cuts in
LIZA
Listen. It’s complicated I wouldn’t try to understand it. Don’t think you can just come in here and get.It.
ABBY
Liza, please. Jenny, I don’t expect anything sort of understanding but Jake is our friend no matter what. I don’t like what he did anymore than you do. Neither does Liza. But we have to support him.
JENNY
Why? He doesn’t seem to support you?
Door opens and enters Max.
ABBY
Hey, did he leave?
MAX
Yeah. Do you have a cig I can bum?
ABBY
Yeah I’ll come down with you.
(turns to Jenny.)
Do you want to come?
JENNY
I think I should leave.
Liza and Max exchange a look, as though they realized they messed this up. Abby is disappointed but knows she can’t fix it.
ABBY
Yeah sure. Whatever you want.
Max, Abby, and Jenny grab their coats down stairs. Outside it’s cold Abby lights a cigarette and passes the pack to Max They are standing next to each other and Jenny is across from them. Jenny doesn’t know how to talk to Abby while Max is present.
JENNY
I wish I could stay but I think you guys should enjoy your night without me.
MAX
I’m sorry about my brother. But, honestly it doesn’t have to ruin the rest of the night.
Max elbows Abby’s side.
ABBY
We can just listen to music.
JENNY
Another time. I’ll text you?
ABBY
Yeah sure. Get home safe.
Abby and Max take a long drag and exhale, standing in silence. Shortly John exits with Denise behind.
DENISE
I’m sorry things got messed up on your birthday.
Denise nudges John.
JOHN
I’m sorry I got physical in there. I’m a little tipsy.
ABBY
It is by no means your fault. Jake lost it and you responded like anyone else would have.I’m just sorry it happened.
JOHN
Anyways, we’re gonna get home. I’ll see you guys around.
MAX & ABBY
See ya.
Shot from across the street. “Let it go” by James Bay starts to play. Max finishes his cigarette and leaves Abby outside. Abby leans against the wall alone, cars and people pass. She’s reflecting on everything. Why Jenny left, why Jake has to ruin everything, why is she still alone. It feels futile. She checks her phone and starts to type then stops. She looks at her phone then stops and puts her it in her pocket and goes back inside and enters the apartment. Max and Liza are sitting on the couch. Abby sits and places her head in her hands. Max and Liza wrap their arms around her.
ABBY
I like her. And I fucked it all up.
Max and Liza look at each other over Abby’s back and rub gently.
EXT-roof of Abby’s apartment Abby and Max are sitting in lawn chairs wrapped in blankets. Max is fast asleep. Abby is watching the sunrise. She’s moves to stand near the edge of the building with the blanket wrapped around her. She pulls out her phone and calls Jenny. Jenny’s hand slams the phone, she pulls it under the covers.
JENNY
Hello?
ABBY
Hey. Sorry to wake you.
JENNY
Are you okay?
ABBY
I’m fine. I’m just...watching the sunrise.
(pause)
It’s beautiful.
Jenny shuffles to get out of bed. We can see a lump but it’s unclear if it’s a person or just covers.Jenny walks over to her window and manages to get to the fire escape and see the sun rise.
JENNY
It is. You didn’t call me at 6:00 AM to tell me the sunrise was beautiful did you?
ABBY
I did.
Both laugh
ABBY (Cont.)
I guess I was sitting here thinking about being another year older. Realizing that things can change in an instant. Given what happened last night. And I just feel sorry-
Jenny cuts her off.
JENNY
You don’t need to be sorry about anything. Last night wasn’t your fault in any way.
ABBY
I should have just talked to Jake-
JENNY
I bet you apologized to everyone at that party?
(pause)
You shouldn’t go around apologizing for a man’s action. That is so classic just make everything about fixing the situation without it even being caused by you.
ABBY
Jenny, don’t get all theory on me. I just wish things had gone differently but there’s something-
JENNY
This isn’t theory. Sexism isn't a theory it’s a reality we live in everyday. And you aren’t helping Jake be a better person.
ABBY
That’s not what I meant. I don’t even want to talk about this I just wanted to tell you-
JENNY
That’s the problem you don’t want to talk about it. Jake has clearly had this problem before but you and your so called “friends”. Who‘ by the way’ seem to take advantage of you and demean you with that little nickname.
ABBY
Hey! You’re totally out of line. You met them for ,not even, an hour and you’re already judging them. You know what, I’ll talk to you later.
Jenny tries to speak but Abby hangs up. She throws off the blanket and carries it back to where Max is sitting and sits next to him.
MAX
Why are you yelling so early?
ABBY
Just cause. How you holding up?
MAX
I’m fine.
ABBY
I know when you're lying
MAX
Well I don’t want to talk about it.
Abby looks off in the distance.
ABBY
I think I’m gonna take a break for a bit. Take a minute. Just not worry about anyone else... besides you
MAX
Aw thanks Tabs. You know I love you... I just hope Jake didn’t ruin whatever you have going on with Jenny.
ABBY
I think it’s beyond repairable.
MAX
Well I’ll give him a piece of my mind
ABBY
I just hope Jake can get off coke soon. He’s already in trouble. After last night I don’t know what’s gonna happen to him.
MAX
He’s grown. He can make his own choices. Unfortunately, the ripple effect is wide. I am going to talk to him later today. He was being a dick and you didn’t deserve that.
ABBY
Or Denise.
MAX
Yeah, yeah.
Abby stands up and stretches.
MAX
And where do you think you’re going?
ABBY
I am going to bike a bit . Clear my head, get some exercise, be productive.
MAX
Gag! Exercise.
ABBY
I wasn’t asking you to come with me. I already know the answer.
EXT-Abby is biking across the Williamsburg bridge with headphones on.”Land of a Thousand words” by the scissor sisters. Very slow and dragging. It early morning the city is waking. Abby isn’t really sad but enjoys the moment. She Bikes up the east river and parks her bike against the railing near southstreet seaport and watches ships. She returns back to the apartment and picks up her guitar and starts writing a song furiously. The song is written over several days back and forth between the apartment the shop and over again. Tolling over the details.
INT- Abby is in the apartment watching TV with Max. Jake enters
JAKE
Hey. What are we watching?
MAX
Downton Abbey
ABBY
Because it’s relatable
JAKE
How’s that?
Max and Abby both giggle
ABBY
Because it’s my name
JAKE
Wow...Been partaking in a little wake and bake?
MAX
Loosen up a bit. It’s good. I just love Mary and Matthew they are too perfect. I love them.
Abby tears up
ABBY
So beautiful.
Jake looks down at Max and Abby who are enthralled in this british melodrama.
JAKE
So…. Anyways, I have a surprise for you Tabby.
Abby turns around, confused and holds out her hands.
JAKE (Cont.)
Not like that. I signed you up for the open mic night at the Underground.
ABBY
Wait… What?
JAKE
I got you in. I heard you playing your guitar again. And I thought you should show everybody your new song.
Abby fully turns around on the couch.
ABBY
How do you know about that?
JAKE
Because I have ears. You’ve been playing it like every day.
Abby turns back around in a flop.
ABBY
Well you shouldn’t have.
JAKE
Come on Abby! You got to get out there. You are so good people need to hear you.
MAX
You’ll be be fine. Just picture everyone in their underwear.
ABBY
You know that stresses me out.
JAKE
Well you can’t puss out. It wasn’t cheap.
MAX & ABBY
You paid?
JAKE
Not like that. Listen don’t worry about the details.
(pause)
Listen, let me borrow your phone for a second. I think I misplaced mine.
ABBY
Here.
(hands phone)
I’m mad at you, by the way.
Jake takes the phone and waves Max over.
JAKE
Max help me out I think it’s on vibrate.
Jake gives Max his phone. They pantomime there conversation
Max: What are you doing?
Jake: go with it.
Jake pulls up Abby’s contact for Jenny and sends her a text. “Underground tonight at 8PM. No questions.”
Jake and Max give each other a thumbs up.
MAX
Oh here it is in my pocket.
Jake mouths ’what?’
MAX (Cont.)
Anyways, let’s pick out your outfit tonight.
ABBY
I don’t want to.
MAX
I want to dress you up. Can I put makeup on you ?
ABBY
NO!
MAX
I’m just going to go through your closet.
ABBY
No! I don’t know what you’ll find
MAX
A big pink DILDO. Oh my!
Max runs to her bedroom and slams the door shut. Abby follows but it’s locked.
ABBY
Open up Max!
MAX
Oh it is big.
ABBY
I know you’re lying
Max opens the door with one of Abby’s sports bras over his shirt.
MAX
Such a party pooper.
ABBY
That doesn’t even fit you.
Abby and Max are bickering. Jake still has Abby’s phone. Text appears from Jenny “I’ll be there ;)”
INT- Open Mic night. Abby is nervous holding her guitar as Jake and max stand tall behind her. She nervously walks up to the stage and places the guitar down then returns to stand next to the boys. Jake passes her a drink.
JAKE
To ease your nerves.
Max starts messing with Abby’s hair. Abby swats at his hand.
ABBY
Thanks dads! Jeez there’s a lot of people here. I don’t know if I can go up there.
MAX
Trust and believe. You are gonna do just fine.
JAKE
Yeah. You’re not playing until the middle so it doesn’t even have to be great.
Max slaps Jake’s arm
JAKE (cont.)
I mean, no pressure.
A few people get up to play. They're all fairly good. Abby is less tense but still nervous. Jeanette walks in and slips in the back she can’t see Abby over the boys. Finally it’s Abby’s turn. She get’s on stage and keeps her head down and focuses on setting up her guitar. She pulls out a small metronome and places it on a still next to her.
ABBY
This is a new song I wrote. It doesn’t have a name.
Abby starts the metronome and starts to sing “stranger things have happened” by the foo fighters or new song
“It's like the river and the rocks always fighting back
It's like the sky and clouds always moving past
It's like daydream that’s always out of grasp.
Will the moon and sun ever meet?
Or spin round looking down at their feet
It’s Lonely feeling being so meek. Staring straight into the sun
You make me angry and worthless.
I make you feel nothing or less
And I'm laid bare for you
And means nothing at all”
Abby never looks up from her guitar but Max and Jake look on proud. Jenny stares impassive, not really understanding the song is about her until the end. Abby finishes the song and looks up and sees Jenny. It’s upsetting, frustrating and whemling. Abby walks off stage and returns to Jake and Max. Who suddenly realize Abby is pissed.
ABBY
I can’t believe you invited her.
JAKE
I wanted to help.
Jenny is walking over.
ABBY
Well don’t.
Abby begins to storm towards the front door. Trying to get past Jenny. Jenny grabs Abby’s arm.
JENNY
Hey? Where are you going?
Abby pulls away.
ABBY
Leaving.
JENNY
Well you invited me. I was hoping we could talk.
ABBY
Well that wasn’t me. And I don’t really feel like talking.
Abby pushes past and walks out onto the sidewalk. Jenny looks at Max and Jake then follows Abby.
JENNY
Abby wait!
Abby turns around. Jenny pauses.
ABBY
Well?
Jenny doesn’t know what she was going to say.
JENNY
I just wanted to catch up.
ABBY
Catch up? Really?
Jenny steps closer and and grabs Abby’s hand.
JENNY
I miss you.
Abby looks down.
ABBY
I know but...
JENNY
What?
Abby looks up.
ABBY
Nevermind.
Awkward silence.
JENNY
Just come with me to Steemy Bunny on Friday. Please?
Abby just nods and Jenny hugs her a little non-consensually. Abby isn’t exactly a fan.
EXT- Max and Abby are waiting to enter “Steamy Bunny”. Abby is anxious and Max doesn't want to be there.
MAX
I hate lines. Especially with a bunch of horny lesbians. I can smell the pheromones from 4 blocks away.
ABBY
Well you only have to bear it for a little bit. You can leave after Jenny gets here.
MAX
Why didn’t you just come with her?
ABBY
She lives super far away. I don’t want to be waiting by myself like a fool.
MAX
Well you better be buying my drinks.
The line starts to move forward.
ABBY
2 drink limit.
Max crosses his fingers emphatically.
INT- “Loophole” by Etta Bond - Slow motion dancing. Abby and Max are dancing with each other and actually having a good time. Others are dancing around them ignoring their bad dancing. Time passes.The slow motions stops as a slow jam song comes on. “Don’t go” by Reece. Max looks at his phone.
MAX
It has been an hour. Where your girl at?
Abby pulls out her phone. No notifications.
ABBY
Don’t know. But maybe she’s here already. Go grab us some drinks.I’m gonna look around.
Max disperses into the crowd. Abby stares at the women dancing slow with each other with melancholy. She weaves through the crowd to get a better look from upstairs something catches her eye so she turns. Her face turns white. Shot moves to Jenny dancing with Jeanie very closely. Abby is frozen in place. Jenny moves into kiss Jeanie, it’s slow and sensual. Abby watches in horror. Once, their kiss breaks Abby shakes her head and storms upstairs. Max at the bar sees a flash of Abby rushing out the front door. He’s confused but stays. Abby is outside smoking a cigarette.Just as she puts it out, Jenny comes outside stumbling.
JENNY
(to herself)
Shit, I’m drunk.
Abby! What, um ,how long have you been here?
ABBY
Long enough.
Jenny ignores the comment.
JENNY
Oh my god. I just kissed Jeanie. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t even like her.
ABBY
(beyond frustrated)
I saw.
JENNY
I need to get out of here.
Looks like she’s going to hurl.
ABBY
Do you need me to get you a cab? You don’t look good.
Jenny is a bit shaky. Abby looks around and sighs. She walks to the corner and waves a cab down. She pulls Jenny over and tosses her in a cab. Abby goes to leave but Jenny pulls her in.
JENNY
Take me home.
There’s a moment of indecision. But it’s too late the door is closed and Jenny has given the driver the address. Abby acquiesces as Jenny leans on Abby’s shoulder. The driver steady’s on. Abby shoots a text to Max that she’s left. The ride is quite. Abby stare catatonics out the window until Jenny’s hand wraps around her. Abby looks down and places her hand over it.
EXT-On the corner outside Jenny’s apartment. Jenny stumbles out of the cab. Abby follows suit. Jenny fumbles with her keys, as she’s opening the door and turns to Abby and places a kiss on her cheek.
JENNY
Thanks for taking me home. You always take such good care of me.
Abby blushes averting her eyes.
ABBY
It’s no problem. It’s kind of late do you think..
Abby looks up to see Jenny closing the door behind her.
ABBY
Jenny?
(realizing that she’s left her)
Jenny!
Abby turns to see if the cab is still there it’s not. The street is dark and quiet. Abby looks at her phone it’s 12 something. Throwing her head back she starts to walk. “Pendulum’ by FKA twigs plays as Abby takes the train. Taking the C train downtown. Waiting for her transfer on the platform next to sleeping people on benches and couples holding hands. Finally she is walking down her block and opening her front door slowly trudging up the steps. She opens the door to her dark apartment. She plugs in her phone it’s now 2 something.There’s a text from Jenny. Abby ignores it and flops on the bed.
INT-Eliza’s dirty messy apartment clothes all over the floor. Fluffy cat perched on the kitchen table. Abby is sitting on the couch while Liza flings her clothes about.
ELIZA
(from a closet)
Well, if you want my opinion…
ABBY
Not really
ELIZA
She’s a bitch! Like what the fuck?! If that were me I would just venmo request her for that cab ride there and back. Why didn’t you take a cab again?
ABBY
I have no money and I wasn’t exactly in the mood to be in a car with a stranger for an hour back home. She practically lives in washington heights.
Eliza comes out of the closet in a thrift store dress with a few holes in it.
ELIZA
You can’t see my nips in this?
ABBY
No but your ass is hanging out.
Eliza looks in the mirror, shrugs and pulls off her dress with no bra on. Abby’s hands fly up.
ABBY
Give a girl a warning.
ELIZA
It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.
Eliza returns to her closet.
ABBY
I’m just looking forward to this concert.And I’m looking for your support. Okay? I haven’t talked to Jenny in like two weeks so it would be great if we could just drop the subject.
Eliza comes out of the closet in a sequin dress looking in the mirror.
ELIZA
I don’t know. I look like whale in this.
ABBY
Oh my god! If I have to tell you one more time that you look great I’m literally going to tackle you.
ELIZA
Tabbs I know you’re just saying that. But thanks.
ABBY
(sighs)
Girl you look fine as fuck. Now can we go we need to pick up Max?
ELIZA
Why didn’t he just come here?
ABBY
Because he has no patience for this
(pointing to Eliza)
like I do.
ELIZA
(rolls her eyes)
I didn’t know I was such a burden.
ABBY
Can we just go?
(melts into the couch)
ELIZA
Fine. Fine. Let me say bye to snugglepuss
Picks up cat.
ELIZA (CONT.)
I love you boo boo kitty.
(kiss)
Abby walks over cat to try and pet it. Hisses.
ABBY
I love you even if you don’t love me.
INT-Abby and Eliza are knocking on the apartment door.
ABBY
Max! Hurry yo ass up.
No response. Abby looks a Eliza. Abby pulls out her keys and opens the door. Max is talking to Jeanie on the couch. Abby clears her throat.
ABBY
I didn’t know you were having a party without me.
Max mouths sorry. Abby is a little perplexed until she walks in further to find Jenny is there too.
JENNY
That’s not a pleasant greeting to a friend.
Jenny gets up to hug Abby. Jeanie has a smirk that isn’t pleasant.
ABBY
Sorry, I wasn’t really expecting you.
JENNY
I’m just messing with you.
Eliza walks in with a stank face.
ELIZA
So what are you doing here? We’re on our way to the concert in Prospect Park. So…
Abby’s eyes widen she looks at Eliza
ELIZA (CONT.)
Sorry. Just curious. Max are you ready?
MAX
Actually no, come help me pick out a shirt.
Max nods his head nonchalantly to his room. Eliza and Max leave turning to check on Abby who could quite possibly petrified.
ABBY
So?...
Jeanie stands up from the couch.
JEANIE
We just happened to be in the neighborhood. I hadn’t seen Max in a long time so we thought we would stop by.
ABBY
Cool. Well, Liza was actually right. We were literally here just to pick up Max.
JENNY
Well we were just talking to him and it sounds like a fun concert. Would it be cool if we came with you guys?
Abby looks as Jeanie. Jenny looks at Jeanie. It’s Awkward.
ABBY
I mean, its free so… It’s up to you. It’s kind of far from your house.
Jeanie steps forward and wraps her arm around Jenny’s waist.
JEANIE
You can always stay at my place.
Jenny nods then looks at Abby, who is fidgeting.
JENNY
So is that what you’re wearing?
Abby looks at her clothes.
ABBY
What’s wrong with this?
JEANIE
There is definerlty going to be some queermosexuals there.
JENNY
Yeah, we want you to get some ladies.You got to gay it up.
ABBY
I mean, I’m fine like this. Just really want to be comfortable.
Jenny starts towards Abby’s bedroom. Jeanie follows.
ABBY (CONT.)
Um, where are you going?
JENNY
Going to pick out an outfit for you. Duh?
Abby rushes to stop them but it’s too late they are going through her clothes.
JEANIE
Ooo...Yes these pants! This is going to make your butt looks so good. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in skinny jeans.
Abby shuts the drawer.
ABBY
Really it’s fine. And I don’t really wear those pants too much. There’s no pockets!
JENNY
Oh! This hat is so cute.
Jenny comes out of the closet, standing close to Abby while putting on the hat. Jeanie hangs the pants in front of Abby.
JEANIE
See won’t these look so good.
Jenny steps back.
JENNY
Oh yeah. Put them on.
Abby looks confused.
ABBY
Right now?
JENNY
Yes?
Abby takes the pants and is holding them waiting. Jeanie and Jenny wait in anticipation. Abby twirls her finger for them to turn around. They do. Abby checks to make sure no one is looking and slips off her pants. The door opens as her pants are at har ankles.
MAX
Damn girl! I leave you for one minute and you on some voyeur shit.
Abby falls to the floor. Jenny and Jeanie see her exposed.
ABBY
EVERYONE OUT!
They all scurry as the door shuts. Back to Abby on the floor face covered.
ABBY (CONT.)
Can someone come shoot me now?
Leaving the apartment. Abby, Max and Eliza stay to lock the door. Jeanie and Jenny are ahead.
ABBY
Not a word.I don’t want to hear it.
Max and Abby raise their hands and walk away.
INT- at the music store. Abby had her hand placed on her hand place on her chin and is staring out the window.
MANAGER
Now I know you’re not sitting here because the new loop pedal doesn’t interest you.
Abby turns to face him.
ABBY
Sorry, just lost in thought.
MANAGER
I can tell. Listen,I’m not gonna pry into your personal life but, if it’s something serious I hoped you know I can be a person to talk to.
ABBY
Ed, I know I can talk to you. I just don’t want to talk about it. It’s all my friends want to talk about. It’s all I focus on. Like a vicious cycle.
MANAGER
Hung up on a girl.
ABBY
I never said that.
MANAGER
Okay. Fine. Just know your are worthy of time and respect. If you’re not getting that then they’re not worth your time.
ABBY
Mmmm…
INT-Abby is pulling out her keys to go into her apartment after work. She is visibly tired. Before the key enters the lock the door cracks open, stretches his neck out.
MAX
Um… What are you doing here?
ABBY
I live here?
MAX
Didn’t you get my text?
Abby pulls her phone from her pocket showing Max’s text.
ABBY
I’m sorry. I didn’t see it. Can I just be in my room?
Loud talking erupts from the living room. Max leaves into the hall closing the door behind him.
MAX
Look you can’t be here right now.
ABBY
Max, I live here. You can’t just tell me to leave whenever. Who do you have over, anyways?
MAX
(Sighs)
It’s my parents. They… (in a whisper) they want to put Jake in rehab.
ABBY
Oh my god what?! Your parents are here? What the fuck Max?
MAX
Look I’m just trying to get this all figured out and I don’t want you involved. Okay?
ABBY
Max..
MAX
Please just let me work this out. I’ll text you.
Max backs up into the apartment. Abby lingers. Shouts are muffled through the walls. She turns and walks down the hall.
EXT- Abby is out on the sidewalk at night. She’s aimlessly walking. She finds a coffee shop and goes inside. There is one lone barista. Not very tall, friendly face charismatic in energy. ”Medley:Kendrick Lamar” by Jessica Domingo is playing softly in the background, to an empty store. Abby walks up to the counter.
BARISTA
What can I get you?
ABBY
Can I have a latte, for here?
Barista looks at the clock
BARISTA
Actually, we’re shutting down here soon. I can get you a drip?
ABBY
Then why didn’t you just say that?
BARISTA
Sorry habit. So a coffee or no?
ABBY
Sorry, that sounded rude. Yeah a coffee is fine.
Abby pulls out her wallet shaking her head to herself. Feeling ridiculous.
BARISTA
Here you go. Did you you want any milk or sugar?
ABBY
Yeah, both. I can get it-
BARISTA
I just put it away. I’ll grab it.
Abby looks around anxiously.The barista returns and starts to pour.
BARISTA
How do you like it?
ABBY
(cooly)
Light and sweet.
BARISTA
Like your women?
Abby blushes while the barista laughs at her own joke.
ABBY
Oh no, no…
BARISTA
Which part?
ABBY
Huh?
BARISTA
The color or women?
ABBY
(stammers)
I uh, you know, like not like..
BARISTA
So both.
ABBY
I didn’t say that.
BARISTA
She speaks!And in sentences.
ABBY
I don’t appreciate the taunting.
Abby picks up her coffee and sips it and passes money.
BARISTA
It’s okay. It was the bottom of the thing so. No worries.
ABBY
Well, thanks. That makes up for the comment.
BARISTA
Uh huh. Sure. Anyways, we are closing so…
ABBY
Oh. Shit. Sorry I uh, just need to not be at home of a bit and-
BARISTA
Nothing else is open.
ABBY
Yeah…
BARISTA
Well I mean technically, you could just be here while I clean up?
ABBY
You’d be cool with that?
BARISTA
I am here alone and clearly you have a silverfish infestation that’s out of control.
ABBY
I wish it were only that. Thanks, I’ll just sit over on the couch. If you don’t mind.
BARISTA
I don’t.
Abby walks over sheepishly to a couch and sits. The barista follows her with her eyes, then proceeds to start closing up shop. She finishes behind the bar and begins to start wiping the tables down making her way back to Abby who is sipping and playing with her phone. The barista is within ear shot.
ABBY
Is this a cover of Kendrick Lamar?
BARISTA
Ah someone was paying attention.
ABBY
I like it. I’m always down for an acoustic guitar mash up.
BARISTA
Especially a woman with a guitar.Mmmm
Abby blushes furiously and has no idea what to do with her body.
ABBY
So do you want me to give you a hand? I know I’m not supposed to or what ever but I feel bad just sitting here doing nothing.
The barista stands for a moment thinking then tosses the rag to Abby and walks away.
BARISTA
Start wiping the tables. I’ll flip the chairs.
They both work together cleaning and closing up the shop occasionally getting near each other but focused on the task at hand.
BARISTA
Thanks for helping out. You didn’t have to.
ABBY
Thank you for letting me stay. I just hope I can actually go back now.
BARISTA
I hope so too. It’s too late to be not at home in bed.
Abby shrugs.
ABBY
True. It was nice to meet you…
BARISTA
Shawna. It was nice to have a helping hand.
ABBY
Well with an awesome playlist like that, wasn’t a trouble at all.
SHAWNA
I’m glad you liked it.
[pauses]
Wait a sec.
Shawna reaches over to a cup and pulls out a pen and starts writing on it. Then passing it to Abby.
SHAWA (CONT.)
Just in case you have another invasion of roaches.
Abby reveals the number on the cup and nods.
ABBY
Will do.
They both get ready to walk out the door awkwardly weaving until both outside. Shawa locks the door while Abby waits.
ABBY
I guess I’ll see you around.
SHAWNA
I guess you will.
They both go to leave but end up walking the same direction, continuing to walk.
SHAWNA
You’re going this way?
ABBY
Well this is awkward.
SHAWNA
Nah, nah. I’m not going that far. Just to the bus stop.
ABBY
Yeah, I just live a couple of blocks away.
SHAWNA
It’s weird I’ve never seen you around.
ABBY
I suppose. I don’t really buy my-
Abby freezes.
SHAWNA
What? What it is?
Abby darts over to a wall looking down the street. Jake is walking out with his parents and getting in a car while Max stands by the door. Abby looks back at Shawna.
ABBY
It’s nothing. You can go ahead. I’ll just wait here a minute.
Abby looks on silently while Shawna watches it all unfold. Max is standing by the outside door, eyes fixed on the sidewalk.
SHAWNA
You know him?
Abby is still silently focused on Max.
ABBY
Huh? What, oh yeah… um it’s a long story. Seriously you don’t have to wait for me.
Shawna looks back and forth. Disappointed.
SHAWNA
Okay...I’ll see you around.
Abby still focuses let’s Shawna leave. Pivoting back around the corner she stews in frustration, for a moment then walks up to Max.
ABBY
So what the fuck happened?
MAX
I-I tried to convince them but…
Max looks down.
ABBY
Max… I
MAX
Can we just go inside? It’s been a long day.
ABBY
Sure whatever you want. I got you.
Fade to black. Text across the screen. “Three months later”
INT- The gang in playing settlers of catan together. Jake is back and healthy. Liza is getting along and is excited to play together.
LIZA
Ha-ha! Give me longest road bitch!
Liza celebrates
JAKE
You know the game isn’t over. Right?
LIZA
I don’t care. I win fair and square.
MAX
We haven’t even moved the thief. Liza that’s not how the game works.
ABBY
Unfortunately, they’re right.
LIZA
Whatever.
Sits with a plop. There’s a knock on the door.
GROUP (coos together)
MAX
Must be Shwana….
Abby rolls her eyes to get the door as she shushes them. He opens the door.
ABBY
Hey.
SHAWNA
Hey, yourself. You ready.
ABBY
Yeah. Let me grab my stuff. Come on in.
Shawna enters quietly and looks at the coffee table.
SHAWNA
Oooo. Catan. Who’s winning?
LIZA
Well that depends on who you ask.
MAX
I didn’t say you weren’t actively winning just that you hadn’t won.
SHAWNA
Well, someone has the longest road. I would say that’s winning.
LIZA
I knew I’d like you.
Abby returns to the living room.
ABBY
Ready?
Shawna nods. Abby turns to the group.
ABBY (Cont.)
I see you guys later then. Don’t burn down the house.
IN UNISON
Yes… Mama Abby
EXT- Abby and Shawna are walking hand in hand.
SHAWNA
Jake looks good. How’s Max holding up?
ABBY
He is. He’s been back a week or so. We’ve been trying to keep him close. Max is doing a lot better. I think her felt like everything was falling apart. But now he’s sort of realized he can’t control Jake and Jake wants the best for his brother. We had a little talk about it.
SHAWNA
That’s good. He probably needed to hear that from you more than anyone else.
Abby smiles
ABBY
It’s just good to have things a little calmer. For while I thought it was all going to fall apart, there for a minute.
SHAWNA
Mhmm. When you’re trying to stop smoking and your best friend goes to rehab, being stressed out is pretty normal. Speaking of which.
Shawna holds out her hand.
ABBY
What?
Shawna lifts her eyes brow.
ABBY (Cont.)
I have to ween myself off.I can’t just quit cold turkey.
Shawan waves her hand. Abby pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
SHAWNA
See that wasn’t hard.
She takes them and throws them in the nearest trash can.
ABBY
You’re cruel sometimes.
SHAWNA
You’ll thank me when you don’t have lung cancer.
(Pauses)
I’m going to go ahead and get our tickets from will call. Wait here.
Shawan kisses Abby on the cheek. Abby waits and pulls out her phone. There’s a text. She’s opens it to see that it’s Jenny. “Hey.” Abby looks up a Shawna getting their tickets and looks back at the phone. She pulls up the keyboard, fingers hovered over. Then stops. She taps the contact button thumb hovering over the delete contact. Shawna walks over.
SHAWNA
Who’s that.
Abby looks up.
ABBY
Oh. It’s nobody important.
She presses delete and puts the phone in her back pocket. She wraps her arm around Shawna’s waist and walks into the venue. “Somebody that I used to know” plays the outro.
THE END BITCHES.
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Hope
“Hope”—The Staff Becomes a Snake Devouring Snake
Exodus 7:1-12
Exodus Week 5
October 8, 2017
I have to tell you: I'm not a super big fan of any Bible story involving snakes. I respect their place in the wild, and as far as I'm concerned, that's where they should stay. You don't ever have to worry about me suggesting we try snake handling as a way to prove our faith in God! But some people apparently find snakes fascinating. In Moses' day, there were Egyptian wise men who were snake handlers. They would pick the snakes up by their heads, press on a nerve at the top of the snake's spine, and the snake would become paralyzed and stiff as a board. It was a common sight to see them using snakes as walking sticks.
I am so glad I did not live in Bible times! I would have been a nervous wreck having to share the sidewalk with a temporarily paralyzed snake turn walking stick! But maybe I would have felt differently about snakes if I had lived 3,000 years ago. In Egyptian culture, the snake was a symbol of life, and life is good! Being able to control snakes was symbolic of being able to control life. The wise men were "large and in charge" with their snake walking sticks. Not as large and in charge as Pharaoh, though. He wore a stylish snake headdress and carried a snake scepter. Pharaoh thought he had the ultimate power over life and death, and he expected people to treat him with due respect. When Moses and Aaron come to see Pharaoh with the staff that turned into a snake, they weren't just challenging the sorcerers to see who could do better tricks. They were directly taunting Pharaoh. They were picking a fight over who really has the power over life and death.
So that means, this is a story about which one of them is God! At first Pharaoh seems to think this is simply a labor negotiation, and of course he's not going to let his free labor supply just walk away. But these next several chapters in Exodus--the confrontations between Moses and Pharaoh, the plagues, all of it is going to build to a giant climax when the sea parts and the Hebrew slaves walk out of Egypt with all the gold they can carry. Everybody's going to see just who really is God, just who has the power over life and death.
Pharaoh believed that he was God. They Egyptians thought that Pharaoh was the incarnation of the gods of Ra and Horas. When Moses and Aaron come to see him, he probably laughed. Two regular men, thinking they can tell me what to do? Ha! But God said to Moses, I got this. I am in control of this situation. I will show everyone who is really in charge. I am going to harden Pharaoh’s heart.
I have always wondered about God hardening Pharaoh’s heart. It’s hard to reconcile a loving and compassionate God with a God who would on purpose block someone from recognizing him. Why wouldn’t God just want Pharaoh to immediately come to the understanding that he is not God? Why wouldn’t God just want to convince Pharaoh right away to let the Israelite slaves go free? Why let it escalate until all the firstborn Egyptian sons have to be killed? The writer of Exodus tells us a whole bunch of times the God is the one who hardens Pharaoh’s heart, so it must be important. God hardens Pharaoh’s heart. Why?
I think the answer lies in the idea of sovereignty. To be sovereign means you have power over yourself. No one else controls you. Pharaoh thought he was sovereign. He thought he held all the power, not just over the land of Egypt, but over all creation! That’s a lot of power! He thought he was really sovereign. We have heard enough about the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob to know that that notion doesn’t sit well with Yahweh. God is concerned about the welfare of God’s people, sure. But God has also has something to prove. He wants to make it very clear to both the Egyptians and to the Hebrews that he is God. Remember, the Hebrews have been slaves for 400 years. The stories of God working among Abraham, Isaac and Jacob may be all but forgotten. Egyptian ideas have surely infiltrated their thinking. God knows he needs to make a dramatic display, both to convince Pharaoh, and to convince the Israelites, that he is indeed God.
So God hardens Pharaoh’s heart in order to show everyone that it is Yahweh, not Pharaoh, who is really in control. Now the heart was an especially significant body part in Egyptian society. They thought the heart was the spiritual center of the person. It was the core of their physical and spiritual being, and the Egyptians believed that Pharaoh’s heart was especially important. His heart was thought to be the guiding force for Egypt. If Pharaoh’s heart was set on something, that’s what would happen in Egypt. If his heart was set on something, that’s how history would play out.
So when God hardens Pharaoh’s heart, what he is really doing is setting up a scenario that will prove which one of them is really God. God hardens Pharaoh’s heart—in other words, he makes Pharaoh’s heart set on keeping the Hebrews as slaves. According to Egyptian belief, how should this story end? With the Hebrews crossing the Red Sea into freedom? No! According to Egyptian belief, whatever Pharaoh set his heart on is what would happen. God sets his heart on not letting the Israelites go free. When they gain their freedom, not only is it a victory for the Hebrew slaves, it’s a victory for Yahweh. Sooner or later, God says, I’ll prove that I am greater than you!
And just to give Pharaoh a little taste of what’s to come, in our scripture lesson today, we saw how Aaron’s staff turned snake devours all the snakes that Pharaoh’s sorcerers were able to produce. Aaron’s snake devouring all the others. Can you imagine that? I would have been a hot mess, seeing all those sorcerers turn their staffs into snakes. Gross! I don't know which is worse, a room full of snakes, or a room full of self-important people! But I would have LOVED seeing the look on the Egyptian magician’s faces as they watched Aaron pick up his snake and then walked out the door using it as a staff. Just a little sign of things to come, baby!
At the end of that day, Pharaoh’s heart was hardened. But Moses and Aaron? Their hearts were softened. Their hearts were encouraged. They had seen the power of God, and now they had some hope.
This week, I found myself feeling really jealous of Moses and Aaron. Not because I wish I had a walking staff that could turn into a snake, although maybe I could learn to appreciate a tool like that. I was jealous because of their hope. They saw God work in such a powerful, decisive way! It surely gave them confidence for the ordeal of plagues that was to follow. Do you ever wish you had more hope? All this week, our news has been grim. The shooting in Las Vegas, the devastation in Puerto Rico, the young man whose 2 year old son was killed after shoplifting a speaker from Wal-Mart in Levittown--these news stories have touched me deeply. Maybe I do wish I had a walking staff I could throw down and have it turn into a snake and show the evil in the world who's boss. Do you know what I mean?
I prayed about this during the week, but the UPS man did not bring me a walking stick, or magic wand, or any other tools of transformation. But what I did get was a story, a memory that kept coming to mind even though I wasn't sure why. In April Phil and I went to Houston, Texas on vacation, and we spent a couple hours at the National Museum of Funeral History. Their motto is, "Any day above ground is a good one!" It's not everyone's idea of a relaxing tourist attraction, but I did learn some things there, including the fact that before ambulances were common like they are today, funeral directors had a side business, using their hearses as ambulances! Before the Civil War, hospitals couldn't do much for you, so either the doctor made a house call, or you just healed the best you could with home remedies. Post-Civil War, medical science advanced, and there became more and more reason to try to get to a hospital because they might be able to save you! But how to get there is you were very ill and couldn't sit up? Funeral directors started using their hearses since they were already equipped to transport people who were lying down. It wasn't until the late 1950's and early 1960's that the practice died out.
Doesn't it seem like a conflict of interest? The funeral director would directly benefit from you NOT surviving the trip to the hospital! I can picture the debate in the hearse driver's mind: rush you to the hospital where you can be cured--or dilly dally in the hopes that you don't make it and need a funeral? I'm very glad we don't have the system now! But for a time, people just had to trust that, if you let them put you in that hearse, they are going to do their best for you. The hearse doubling as an ambulance does not seem like an ideal set up. But it was the way things were for a time. It as a stop-gap until something better came along.
That is how I feel about our scripture lesson today. It does seem like a conflict of interest, that God would intentionally harden Pharaoh's heart. Why wouldn't God just immediately make Pharaoh compliant? Couldn't God see how the Hebrew people were suffering even worse since Moses and Aaron showed back up on Egypt? But this is the way it had to be a for a time. It was stop-gap until something better came along.
While Moses and Aaron were putting on this snake show in Pharaoh's court, the Hebrew people were suffering. They had no idea their salvation lay just around the corner. This week a Temple student jumped to his death from his high rise dorm. He didn't know that, if he could just hang in there for a little while, better days will come. Christians have a message that the world needs. There is something better!
But getting that message out is hard. Heck, remembering it ourselves is hard. We see the Egyptian wise men of our time, carrying their snakes around as walking sticks as they had the power over life and death. We see the arrogance and heartlessness of evil. We long for a tool that can make it the world right. And we wonder, where is God.
That is why we come together. To be reminded that the power over life and death, the power over hope and despair, is not dictated by a snake, or by the heart of Pharaoh, or a crazed man with a stash of guns in Las Vegas, or by a hurricane or any other disaster or experience. The power over life and death lies with the God who dwells within all of us. We can have victory over death and despair through the new life Christ offers us. We can have the victory if we are willing to trust that the hearse is also an ambulance. If we are willing to live with some tension, with some things that don't exactly make sense, with some things that seem less than ideal to us, but are the best we have for now. One day Christ is going to come again, and there will be no more hurricanes, no more gun violence, no more depravity, no more hopelessness. But until then, things are a mix.
But this the faith we affirm, the faith that gives us light in the dark: God is with us. God is not asleep, or uncaring, or impotent. God is at work for good. Somewhere in the deepest part of ourselves we know that to be true. Will we use that truth as our walking stick? As the choir sang, one step he leads, one step we follow. Amen.
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Was your ex cute?
Yes.
Do you have a taste in your mouth right now? What of?
The bit of soda I had to take my medicine a bit ago.
Which is your least favorite day of the week?
Thursdays because I have a doctor appointment every Thursday, sometimes every other Thursday.
Do you ever write or talk to yourself in your head when you’re bored?
I think out loud when I’m alone.
Do you prefer listening to things through headphones or speakers?
Depends what I’m listening to.
What was the very first CD you bought?
The first CD I bought myself was Ashlee Simpson’s CD. lol.
What was your favorite colour when you were a kid? Do you still like it?
I think it was red. I don’t not like it, but it’s not one of my favorites. Though I do love my red hair.
Do you like your friend’s parents?
What are friends?
How many times have you moved?
Three or four, but only once that I can remember. I lived at my previous house from the time I was 3 to 22 years old.
What is one of your biggest irrational fears?
Killer whales, probably. I say that because it’s very unlikely that I’ll ever come in contact with one. I can’t even see one in a photo or on TV.
Does the thought of being pregnant gross you out?
It doesn’t gross me out, no. It sounds scary, though.
Are you more hungry or thirsty right now?
I’m a bit hungry.
Are you prone to headaches?
Not so much anymore. I used to get them more often when I was in high school. I get them every so often now. I had a really bad one a couple days ago.
What color shirt are you wearing?
It’s gray.
Have you ever felt like someone of the opposite sex truly cared about you?
Not including family, I have thought that a guy really cared about. Two of them really might have at one point, but one I’m not so sure.
Would you rather kiss someone five years older or five years younger?
Older.
Are you a mean person?
No.
Is there anything you want tattooed?
I’ve wanted ‘free bird’ tattooed on my wrist for years.
What are you listening to right now?
An ASMR video.
Think back to yesterday, what were you doing around this time?
I was already asleep.
Have you ever fallen asleep in the last car you were in?
Yeah.
Have you ever been cheated on?
No.
What’s something you do every day besides breathing, eating, and sleeping?
Tumblr.
What’s the nearest blinking object to you?
I don’t have any blinking objects in my room.
What were you for Halloween last year?
Nothing.
Don’t you need to charge your phone right now?
No.
When’s the last time you laughed really hard?
I don’t know.
When’s the last time you cried really hard?
Recently.
Do you believe that karma can come back and slap you in the face?
No.
Are you currently trying to avoid somebody?
I’ve been avoiding everyone for too long. :/
Are you feeling guilty for something?
Yes, for a lot of things.
When you’re sad, who/what usually cheers you up?
I just kind of...continue on? I mean things like Tumblr or something are a distraction, but that’s all.
What was the last thing you bought?
Food.
Do you own suspenders?
No.
Are your nails/toes painted?
Nope.
Are you usually quiet or loud?
Quiet though sometimes when I’m tired I can be overly talkative and annoying. <<< I’m the same way. Well, not necessarily when I’m tired, but I can be overly talkative sometimes and annoying.
Do you ever check your horoscope?
No.
What color is your microwave?
Black.
What was the last thing you ate?
Two muffins.
Do you talk to people even though you hate them?
I don’t hate anyone.
Name something you have always wanted and never got.
Hmm. Better health.
When was the last time you went outside?
This past Thursday.
How many hours do you spend on the computer a day?
A lot.
Do you have any siblings?
I have two brothers.
Do you know someone named Curt?
Not anymore. There was a guy named Kurt in a class I had years ago at community college who I thought was cute, ha.
Have you ever been to Texas?
Just the layover I had in Houston on my flight to Georgia.
Do you have an alarm clock?
I use my phone.
Can you play the piano?
I used to be able to but I haven’t in several years. <<<< Same. I regret not keeping up with it.
Do you go to church?
No. :/
What color was the cup that you last drank out of?
White.
What is the show that you watched when you were little, and you still do?
Rugrats, Doug, and Hey Arnold.
Do you have shoes on?
Nope.
Do you have a printer?
Yes.
Do you read the paper?
No.
Do you have a swingset?
No.
What is something you do every summer?
Bitch about the humidity. <<<< Haha yep that’s me.
Do you have a job?
Nope.
Do your siblings text you?
Yeah. My younger bro and I often send each other memes.
Do you tend to make things complicated?
Always.
Do you want a small or big wedding?
I don’t think I’ll ever get married.
Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth?
Oh c’mon who hasn’t? <<<< Right? That was like the thing to do when it first came out. It’s funny how we could search anywhere and we all search our own houses. lol.
Would you rather have cash or a gift card?
Cash.
Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual?
No.
Do you live near a beach or amusement park?
Like a couple hours away.
Who is your ex dating/talking to?
I have no idea, nor do I care to know.
Do you have your eye on anyone at the current moment?
No. Well, not anyone I actually know or have the slightest chance with.
Ever been called a bitch?
Yeah. In a joking way.
Who would you be shocked to see call you?
Ty. I’m sure he’s given up on me.
If you could drink only 2 things for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Water and coffee. <<<<< Yepppp.
Would you date someone taller than you?
Well, yes. Most everyone is taller than me for one thing.
Have you met anyone that has been a major influence on you this year?
No.
Ever kissed someone who smokes?
No.
Have any interesting conversations lately?
Not really.
If your friends warn you about someone you like, do you listen?
I take their opinions into consideration but I wouldn’t base my entire opinion on someone off of what someone else says about them. <–Precisely. <<<<< Yep.
Who did you last pinky promise with?
I have no idea.
What do you do when you’re having a bad day?
Wallow in it. <<<< Lane always says it best.
Does it take a lot for someone to annoy you?
Some days it doesn’t take much at all.
Do you own your own computer?
Yeah.
Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings?
No.
What happened at the last party you went to?
Chilled, talked, ate, played a game.
Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
Nope.
What’s your hair like at this present moment?
In a messy pony tail.
What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?
Hmm. I’m not sure.
Do you like to flex your muscles?
What muscles?
Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying?
Yeah?
Favorite kind of cake:
White, funfetti, and red velvet.
Did you get any compliments today?
No.
How old is the last person you kissed?
He’s 26.
Why did you kiss the person you last kissed?
Because I wanted to. What other reason?
Do you have any fears?
Of course.
What’s your sign?
Leo.
What is your favorite color?
Yellow, teal, mint green, and pastels.
Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early?
As the saying goes, I put the “pro” in procrastination.
Are your parents going to buy you a car?
I don’t drive.
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Relax! 6 Ways to Stay Calm While Waiting for STD Results
Congrats! You took steps to taking control of your sexual health! You’ve knocked out one of the main steps but now face a secondary, often forgotten step… the wait.
Depending on the complexity of your test, you may get your results back as soon as 24-48 hours. If you make it to day three and still haven’t heard anything, bare in mind that things happen and this doesn’t always relate to your test results.
Reasons why it might be taking longer than expected for STDcheck.com to return results
Some tests take longer. If you ordered the full panel, there may be partial results but the panel is incomplete.
There may be delays at the lab.
Possible weather issues. For example, Hurricane Harvey had an impactful delay on labs in Houston, TX.
Technology is a great thing, but machines might go down and force a technician to start the test over.
There may be an overload of samples.
In the case of an initial positive, they run a retest (a differential) assuring false-positives aren’t sent out.
A delay in chlamydia and gonorrhea tests could be due to a lack of materials to sample.
Some require the sample to get sent out to a second lab with more specialized equipment.
Anxiety, restlessness, stress…
These emotions, as you might know, have a direct link to executing daily tasks. Lorie Eber, a trained Wellness Coach, summarized a Yale research study “which found that prolonged stress causes degeneration in the area of the brain responsible for self-control.” Too much stress makes it difficult to get all the things you need to get done completed.
Now, a little stress isn’t bad. In fact, it’s normal, and we perform wonderfully under the right amount of it. It’s when it’s over the top that causes damage to our minds and bodies, causing symptoms similar to those of HIV and other health issues.
Luckily, you can relax!
Stay calm and be brave! Start by accepting that you’re worried and that it’s normal. It’s a survival mechanism, but sometimes we blow the possibilities way out of proportion when things take a little longer than expected.
The following six tips are here to help! Since everyone is unique, I recommend trying a few of these activities to help find what suits you best.
Ways to Stay Calm
#1. Exercise to Ease Restlessness in Your Brain
When stress attacks, our brain fires excitatory neurons that indicate this anxious emotion. In order for this feeling to go away, it needs the neurotransmitter GABA to essentially “hush” these excited neurons.
Dr. Gould, director of the Gould Lab at Princeton, researched the difference in the brains of running mice vs. sedentary mice. Gould concluded that the hippocampus of runners were vastly different from that of the sedentary mice.
Both experienced stress but the runners relaxed and recuperated faster due to the increased release of GABA.
Gould notes it was with consistent exercise that the active mice experienced higher levels of GABA in response to the stress.
…it’s not a huge stretch,” she concludes, “to suggest that the hippocampi of active people might be less susceptible to certain undesirable aspects of stress than those of sedentary people.” -The Journal of Neuroscience
It is clear then that when your body feels better, so does your mind. Whether you’re a regular gym goer or not, exercise can benefit you now! Make time to focus on your body’s health and keep your mind off of your test results.
Tips
If you don’t typically work out, a walk can also help clear your mind. Psychologists have found that a ten-minute walk is as effective as a 45-minute workout when it comes to combating anxiety and depression.
Take advantage of the restlessness you may be feeling and get on the elliptical or treadmill.
While exercising, think about all the things that are going right and visualize yourself still doing great years from now.
Yoga is famous for helping center you and calm the mind.
After you exercise, utilize breathing techniques to slow your heart rate helping those excited neurons in your brain relax.
#2 Friends – Your Immediate Support System
The problem in being alone between taking the test and getting the results is there’s only “me, myself, and I” in the room. Right now, all three personas are deeply invested in figuring out the results but have no choice other than to wait.
While working out will help for some time, and it’s great for general health, what happens after the gym? You can’t spend all 24-48 hours wasting away on the bicycle.
This is where you call on your friends for help!
A study by researchers Adams, Santo, and Bukowski has shown that after a negative experience, children who had their best friends present had lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, than those who were without their best friends.
Friends are a support system. Surround yourself with the best ones you have and stay away from the toxic ones. Find ones you’re comfortable sharing your situation with and surround yourself with them as you wait. Other people usually can see a positive that you don’t because they aren’t as emotionally invested as you are.
On top of helping you see the silver lining, they’ll make you laugh. How many times has laughing made you feel more stressed out? It would be counter-intuitive, right? Grenville Kleiser, a notable inspirational book author, has written on the benefits of laughter:
Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.” – Kleiser
Tips
Let your friend treat you to a surprise day where they decide all the activities. They know what makes you tick sometimes more than you do.
Do something you know you love doing with that friend. If you guys like to occasionally paint absolutely nothing award-winning in the comfort of your apartment, do that!
Do something with your friends that you guys have been saying you will try “one day”… today is that day! Usually trying new things keeps your focus more since you’re trying to grasp the new concept.
#3 Stop Looking Up Information on “what if” Inclinations
Unfortunately, if you can’t get friends over due to busy schedules, you’re left alone. While normally this would be fine, most likely you’re having a million questions and doubts running through your mind, leaving you no choice but to turn to the internet for answers.
Who isn’t guilty of resorting to that panicked research and research loop until you’ve found enough sources that either confirm your suspicions or worsen the most worst case of worst case scenarios? While knowledge is power, this isn’t what I recommend doing.
You’re going to find answers to one part of your question but it’ll end up planting a million other tiny seeds in your brain. Those seeds are going to grow into suspicions that’ll nag and nag until they have you on the internet once again.
Some of these seeds might whisper things like, what if they get it wrong, what if I’m positive, what if I got something from that time I touched that gross part of the gas station toilet, etc.
Those sneaky “what if’s” can run through your mind for hours on end. That’s okay if it happens here and there, but if you continue to entertain the negative ideas they’ll only put a damper on your day.
Tips
Pretend you’re an internet addict for a bit and limit your usage as if you’re in rehab.
Spend time in a computer-less room, or hide your laptop in a drawer.
Every time you can’t resist the urge to search, search, search, set a timer to 5 minutes and keep yourself to it!
If you have to gather information for work or school, go to the library and use books or magazines for research. The presence of other people at the library can distract your brain from creating more terrifying “what if” scenarios.
These rules apply for the internet on your phone too! Turning off the data on your phone might help deter your impulses to look stuff up.
#4 Add Gratitude to that Attitude
Let’s say you’ve hit the gym, your friends are busy, you’ve banned yourself from the internet, and yet the test is still in the forefront of your brain. Here’s another tip for you:
Sit down and write about what has gone right in your life and how that helped you get to a good place, whether in your job, college career, relationship, etc.; it’ll help reframe your perspective.
Eber also states that writing down things you’re grateful for,
isn’t merely the “right” thing to do. It also improves your mood, because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being.”
The re-framed perspective can shed light on a possible future you hadn’t imagined. Remember the last time you were this anxious and things weren’t the greatest, but you figured it out!
While writing about things you’re grateful for won’t make you grateful, it’s a good start.
It’s good to acknowledge you’re bummed out! You shouldn’t be fake-happy but, by hitting your struggle with the backdrop of gratitude, you may realize life isn’t so bleak.
Tips
Find authentic things that you’re grateful for. Your new job. It’s your favorite season right now. Having a loving and supportive family.
Even day-to-day things will help you remember that joyous events happen all the time. That funny dog video you saw on Facebook made you laugh, your food was delivered a lot faster than you expected, etc.
Squash negative self-talk! It helps to write what you perceive as imperfections down but don’t stop there! Shred them, ball them up, burn them, throw them away, whatever is most satisfying to you!
#5 Lower Your Caffeine Intake
Caffeine alone probably won’t make you too nervous or anxious, but because you’re waiting for your results it poses a risk of increasing your anxiety. The increased heart rate coupled with your racing thoughts won’t do you any good.
You don’t have quit caffeine for the two – three days you wait for your results, but lowering your intake wouldn’t hurt.
Tips
If you’re a coffee drinker, either try decaf coffee or black tea with a low caffeine level.
If you’re a soda drinker, try a decaffeinated version of your favorite soft drink.
#6 [How to] Sleep While You Wait
Despite your best efforts, you might not be able to control your thoughts and get them to leave you alone.
An obvious solution is to “shut off your brain and relax”, however, the road to a good night’s rest starts earlier than you might think.
Tips
Stop caffeine intake by noon. It can stay in your system 8-14 hours after consumption, depending on your metabolism, and therefore affect your sleep on top of stress.
Try getting to bed around 1-2 hours earlier to give your body more time to de-stress.
About 30-minutes before you brush your teeth and prep for bed, try drinking a caffeine-free tea like chamomile, sleepytime, or passionflower.
Light some candles with relaxing scents such as lavender, chamomile, or sandalwood.
Try taking a melatonin or two.
Take a relaxing bath with Epsom salts that have eucalyptus or lavender scents to help induce sleep.
Read a chapter or until you’re exhausted.
Remove TVs from the bedroom. The University of Michigan conducted a study investigating the effects of binge viewing on sleep. They concluded that due to the media exposure there is increased cognitive arousal and therefore results in poorer sleep quality, increased fatigue and more symptoms of insomnia. Taking the television of the bedroom will help lower this exposure.
Put the phone on the other side of the room to keep you from late night researching or burdening your eyes with that tiny screen in the dark.
How STDcheck.com will help in cases of positive results
It’ll all be over soon and if you test positive for something, we’ll connect you with the righ
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The degenerate’s guide to 2017 college football TV watch ‘em ups: week 10
The season seems to be accelerating beyond our control at this point.
Now that CFP polls have been released and the World Series is over there’s nothing much to distract from all of the football. Yeah, there’s basketball now but the season is so young and there’s so far to go to even know who’s actually good that it seems weird to put much stock in it just yet.
This week’s watch ‘em ups are being affected by the same thing that hurt the RTARLsman last night: the ever-dreaded out of town visitors. We’ll see how much I’m even able to watch football as “friends” count on me to “host” them and make their weekend “enjoyable.” Gross.
Times are from FBSchedules and gamble talk is premature (it’s Wednesday here where I’m writing this) and from Vegas Insider. Good luck to you all, you’re going to need it.
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Saturday, Nov. 4, 2017
Matchup Time (ET) TV
(14) Auburn at Texas A&M Noon ESPN
Baylor at Kansas Noon FSN
RTARL Game of the Year! It’s finally here and the winless Baylor Bears are an 8-point favorite. Which means Kansas is probably the worst team in college football, yet again.
East Carolina at Houston Noon CBSSN
I wouldn’t trust Houston as a 24.5 point favorite but this could be a nice statistical opportunity for Ed Oliver. East Carolina is a very bad team that throws an average of 39 passes per game.
Florida at Missouri Noon ESPN2
Randy Shannon has a great chance to build up his resume a little this week in his first game as UF head coach. First of many games, I presume. Hey, if Ed Orgeron can hang on at LSU then why not Shannon, who probably received some coaching from Orgeron back in 1988 and had a much better record at his previous coaching failure? Missouri is actually favored right now because Florida has been that messy but I think a slightly above average high school team from the state of Florida could beat the Tigers if they really concentrated for three straight hours.
Illinois at Purdue Noon BTN
It turns out that Jeff Brohm might need just a touch of seasoning before he moves on to a much better job. OR!!! Maybe he really is on track to take over for Bobby Petrino in Louisville. He’s right on track for that if Petrino goes looking for greener pastures this year. Or now. Or has already accepted several jobs while trying to figure out which one he actually wants.
Kansas State at Texas Tech Noon FS1
This is a bad game between two middling Big XII teams but for gambling purposes, maybe not so bad? Over/under is at 63 right now but the weather looks pretty inviting and it is a Big XII game with Coach Heartthrob on one side of the field.
(7) Penn State at (24) Michigan State Noon FOX
If Sparty can contain the nation’s 26th leading rusher, who fittingly wears #26, they might have a shot to spring the upset. I hope that anybody associated in any way with the Penn State football program spends the rest of their lives laden with guilt for whatever part they’ve played in the continued existence of said program but I really hope it’s the players and coaches who are feeling bad about themselves this week. There’s a lot of money on Penn State right now and Vegas is still trying to get people to bet Michigan State so what’s the rule here? Let’s go with stay away from the public money and put your faith in a kind universe that is also rooting for the green and white this week.
UMass at (16) Mississippi State Noon SECN
The best tight end in the country takes on the worst top 20 team in the country, something’s got to give! UMass is going to get throttled. That’s what’s going to give.
(9) Wisconsin at Indiana �� Noon ABC
Indiana doesn’t have much, either as a state or as a football team, but they do a decent job of shutting down the run. Wisconsin is due for a reckoning. Seems like a good time for those two things to converge, no? No. Jonathan Taylor is like Rashaad Penny but twice as fast and Wisconsin should beat the spread for once even though it’s on a rapid rise throughout the week. 13.5 points right now, I’d take the Badgers up to about 18 and feel OK with it.
WKU at Vanderbilt Noon ESPNU
Vanderbilt is a 10-point favorite playing at home but Western Kentucky might be a better team. My voice is going up at the end of the sentence in my head. Might be true? I don’t think so but it’s not crazy?
Syracuse at Florida State 12:20 pm ACCN
FSU settled for a field goal at the end of the first half against Boston College last week and the players on the FSU sidelines took that as a signal the game was over. The offensive line being terrible was actually known before the season but the supposedly ultra-talented defense has looked like garbage most of the year, too. Derwin James looks like a Jabrill Peppers clone to me at this point and the QB situation is not great in Tallahassee. Now the running backs are starting to get hurt, too. Odds are that Florida State is just having extremely bad luck, similar to Notre Dame in 2016, but getting run over by Boston College isn’t really acceptable even in the midst of that.
Appalachian State at ULM 3:00 pm ESPN3
Appy State as a 10-point road favorite might be a little dicey but that 61.5 O/U is interesting. It’s supposed to rain the day before so the field might be soggy but ULM has a tremendously bad defense that could easily give up 60 all on their own.
Georgia State at Georgia Southern 3:00 pm ESPN3
GSU is definitely going to win this. Fun Belt action at its finest!
Georgia Tech at Virginia 3:00 pm RSN
UVA has turned back into UVA over the past couple of weeks but they were so good at pretending to be decent earlier in the season that this game has postseason implications! On this day, 27 years ago, UVA lost their two-week reign as the #1 team in college football when they dropped in both the AP and UPI polls following a last second loss to Georgia Tech at home. Fun fact about that game: the game was played on turf borrowed from the baseball stadium after vandals set fire to the football field’s regular turf. UVA’s season fell apart after that and Georgia Tech won half of a national championship by blowing out Nebraska in a bowl game, as was the tradition for teams winning national championships at the time. Getting back to this year’s game, if UVA loses and Miami beats Virginia Tech tonight, Miami wins the Coastal division. And UVA should lose.
New Mexico State at Texas State 3:00 pm ESPN3
A Sun Belt rivalry classic as the Aggies and the Bobcats battle it out for fourth worst team in the conference.
Rice at UAB 3:00 pm CUSA.TV
My only thought on this is that I always think of Rice as a Big XII team. This is incorrect.
USF at UConn 3:00 pm ESPNU
USF blew a shot at a big, fancy bowl payout last week against Houston but UConn is a lot worse than Houston so let’s see how Charlie Strong gets his team motivated this week. If they hold it together for the rest of the year it’s still possible for them to end up as the lower conference rep in the former BCS bowls.
Army at Air Force 3:30 pm CBSSN
The Commander-in-Chief’s trophy is maybe up for grabs? Vegas still thinks Army is bad but they’ve won four in a row. Air Force has three in a row of their own and they’re favorited by 6.5 points at home but I’m not 100% clear on why AFA is that big of a favorite. 3 points maybe, just for being at home, but this is a full tilt option on option affair that should be down to the wire. Also, the O/U of 56 seems comically low to me. When Air Force and Navy played the final score was 48-45 in basically the same conditions.
Charlotte at Old Dominion 3:30 pm ESPN3
Amazingly enough Baylor and Kansas is actually worse than this.
(15) Iowa State at West Virginia 3:30 pm ESPN2
This will of course be the game where Will Grier looks like a future all-pro. Things never happen when you want them to happen.
Maryland at Rutgers 3:30 pm BTN
In terms of pure entertainment value this is way worse than Baylor and Kansas but I think both of these teams would be favored over either of those teams. And that’s not meant as a compliment to either of these teams.
North Texas at Louisiana Tech 3:30 pm Stadium
“UNT! UNT! UNT!”
“LAT! LAT! LAT!”
This is how I’m imagining the cheering going in this game and I’ve got to let you know it’s very enjoyable as a thought.
Northwestern at Nebraska 3:30 pm BTN
Nebraska is favored by 1 this week so that’s sort of like progress, right? If the Huskers can pull off a miracle win not only will they have a winning record but they will have beaten a power 5 team that has a winning record. Get that coach an extension!
(6) Ohio State at Iowa 3:30 pm ESPN
Now, back to our regularly scheduled program of hoping Ohio State fucks up and loses to a clearly inferior team.
South Carolina at (1) Georgia 3:30 pm CBS
Georgia can win and clinch the SEC East but if they lose then South Carolina is in the running to steal the division. Has any SEC team in your life ever been perceived so poorly while being 6-2 as this South Carolina team? NC State, also 6-2, lost their season opener to South Carolina and it’s considered a bad loss. We are in some sort of transitional period here.
(4) Clemson at (20) NC State 3:30 pm ABC
So much depends on the QB position here. Both QBs are going to have guys in their faces all game long and it’s going to be interesting to see how they each handle things. My gut says this is going to be low scoring and close until the end with Clemson not getting anywhere close to the rushing output Notre Dame got against the Wolfpack last week.
(21) Stanford at (25) Washington State 3:30 pm FOX
Bryce Love is a “gametime decision” again which probably means he’s not playing again and even though he’s injured I’m still blaming David Shaw for taking that little bit of sunshine away from us.
Wake Forest at (3) Notre Dame 3:30 pm NBC
Another week another ACC opponent traveling from North Carolina to get blown the fuck out by Notre Dame. I have a very bad feeling about the way this season is shaping up.
Cincinnati at Tulane 4:00 pm ESPN3
I only mean I have a bad feeling about the Notre Dame being very good thing, though! I love Tulane getting to the middle of the pack on their way to conference contention in the coming years.
Coastal Carolina at Arkansas 4:00 pm SECN Alt.
Remember last week in the second quarter when twitter fired Bret Beilema? I liked that moment more than when they came back and won even though they were beating the racist south.
(5) Oklahoma at (11) Oklahoma State 4:00 pm FS1
BEDLAM!!!!!!!!! I think the matchup here actually favors OK State heavily in spite of the 2.5 point spread and the history and the fact that Oklahoma is the better overall team. I just think the Pokes have their strengths at exactly the points where the Sooners are weakest. Cue the final OU 73, OSU 12 but I’ve got a real hunch here and I’m giving it to you.
University of Mississippi, Oxford at Kentucky 4:00 pm SECN
Mississippi was mighty impressive in blowing a 31-7 lead against Arkansas last week but for some reason I don’t think they’re a solid bet this week.
UL Lafayette at South Alabama 4:00 pm ESPN3
I think USA is doing the same dumb thing they did last year where they start off terrible, win a bunch of games in a row, get some preseason hype to win the Sun Belt then maybe go through the process again.
Oregon State at California 5:00 pm Pac-12N
Transitive property game of the week! The Antifa Bears will probably beat the Huckabeavs by 20 points and people will point at Stanford and laugh for last week’s stupid game but the results will really not be corollary at all.
Utah State at New Mexico 5:30 pm ATTSNRM
The Sheriff Lobos are favored by 4 in an extremely low stakes game that carries basically no implications for bowl bids or the MWC standings. This is what degeneracy looks like!
Hawaii at UNLV 6:00 pm MWN/Spectrum PPV
Regardless of other options there is something very aesthetically displeasing about where UNLV plays and I never check on them because of it. It’s like the when the Rams were in St. Louis and the Edward Jones Dome made every game look like a high school championship being played on an Arena league field.
Colorado State at Wyoming 7:00 pm CBSSN
CSU had to go and get whipped by Air Force while Bad Josh Allen went out and looked good for a week. Now my preconceptions are a shambles. I think Allen probably pulls himself together just long enough to go to the Browns at #1 or #2 next year and then reverts to form for the rest of his life.
Nevada at Boise State 7:00 pm ESPNU
Look at Boise right back in the driver’s seat for the MWC title. They were in a similar position at this point last year, too, for what it’s worth but this is probably the least likely place for them to screw up this year. At home, vs. Nevada, a 22.5-point favorite, with their 2-QB system the new talk of the conference, Boise should roll like the old days.
UTSA at FIU 7:00 pm Stadium
Butch Davis coaching against the program that Larry Coker built isn’t really an interesting storyline but I dig the fuck out of it. Both teams are surprisingly 5-2, with FIU’s version of surprise more good surprise and UTSA’s more bad surprise but here we are with HUGE!!!! CUSA title race implications. Again, more so on the FIU side than the UTSA side.
Texas at (8) TCU 7:15 pm ESPN
TCU ain’t shit. Texas isn’t, either, but Texas isn’t ranked highly. If the 7 point line and the 47 point O/U are confusing you then let me tell you that I don’t get it, either. This is nominally a defensive struggle in the making but let’s not kid ourselves on what we have here: a Big XII game happening in perfect weather under the bright lights.
(18) UCF at SMU 7:15 pm ESPN2
UCF scores a shit ton of points and Scott Frost is the anointed next great CFB coach but I’m not really ready to buy the book on them. SMU doesn’t exactly play defense but I’ve still got a feeling that they can run with UCF and at the very least keep things close. A 14.5-point line on the road for UCF seems a tad excessive given how low this program was in the very recent past.
Minnesota at Michigan 7:30 pm FOX
The posted lines for this game are hilariously B1G. Michigan is favored by 15.5 in a game with an O/U set at 41. So 28-13 or thereabouts is the expectation. I think the obits for the Harbaugh era in Michigan are crazily overblown here in year 3. If we’re still wondering why the offense sucks in 2019 then it’s probably too late for him but until then I think he’s got a shot to make his juggernaut yet.
Southern Miss at Tennessee 7:30 pm SECN
Butch Jones, on the other hand... This guy is scum, an idiot, and a bad coach. That’s quite the triple threat! There was a time when UT being favored by 6.5 at home against Southern Miss would have made a lot of sense and not be an embarrassment for the Vols. 1989 was a long time ago, though, and for this program at this point in time, with all of this talk on the outside - things are looking grim.
UTEP at Middle Tennessee 7:30 pm beIN SPORTS
This year has been mostly a lost one for Richie James and the MTSU Blue Raiders but UTEP offers a decent shot at a blowout and could finally give James the kind of numbers he put up routinely last season.
(19) LSU at (2) Alabama 8:00 pm CBS
Leonard Fournette saw his numbers get worse every season against Alabama but Guice has a sneaky advantage over his predecessor - he’s only carried the ball twice ever against the Tide. Which seems weird considering how last season went but I don’t think anybody has considered LSU an offensive powerhouse or even nominally innovative on offense in quite some time. Matt Canada is making a bunch of money this year to be nominally innovative but there hasn’t been a lot to show for LSU’s money so far unless you count humiliating Mississippi. Big deal, though, even Bert can do that. Bama is favored by 21 and I don’t have a good reason for anyone to bet on LSU to beat the spread.
(13) Virginia Tech at (10) Miami, FL 8:00 pm ABC
This gambles action, though, this one I’ve got feelings for. Miami and Virginia Tech are really close in almost every metric you can find. As far as head-to-head matchups go the objective differences between these two are as slight as is possible to get. And still, somehow, VPISU is favored by 3 on the road and the consensus is heavily with the Hokies. Is it just the UNC thing? Because their other shared matchup (Duke) produced startlingly similar results. Is Vegas counting on Miami to run out of luck? That doesn’t seem to me the way numbers are supposed to work. The Hokies are statistically better on defense and the teams are about even on offense but the Hurricanes have produced more big plays on both sides of the ball. Maybe the lines are predicated on Malik Rosier being more injured than Miami is letting on? I think the Canes take it and clinch their first ACC Coastal crown on the way to getting beat up next week by Notre Dame.
Colorado at Arizona State 9:00 pm Pac-12N
Arizona State is, weirdly, still hanging around in the race for the Pac-12 South but they needed to beat USC last week for that chance to be realistic. They did not beat USC last week in any phase of the game. I hate Arizona State’s running game with a fiery passion and I hope the Buffs destroy them.
Oregon at (12) Washington 10:00 pm FS1
UDub is in a precarious spot as far as national title hopes go but they can still get a Pac-12 title and major bowl bid out of this season with no help from anybody else. Chances are that the loss to Arizona State will continue to just look like a fluke that ruined loftier aspirations.
San Diego State at San Jose State 10:30 pm ESPNU
Rashaad Penny is still plugging away as the second most productive running back in the country but SDSU has two losses and needs a lot of help to even make the MWC championship game. That’s not a reason to give up on watching them but the Pac-12 After Dark offering that’s up 15 minutes after this one is probably a way better use of your time.
(22) Arizona at (17) USC 10:45 pm ESPN
This is probably acting as the Pac-12 South championship game and with USC’s front 7 a little banged up it could also be the Khalil Tate “breakout” game. I don’t want to put my heart into Arizona too much here because the potential for USC to completely obliterate them seems credible but if Arizona does beat USC their next three games are extremely winnable.
BYU at Fresno State 10:45 pm ESPN2
Fresno State was looking like a pretty good surprise team in the MWC until they lost to a very bad UNLV team last week. Now things are looking a little rough for them with Wyoming and Boise State still on the schedule. Vegas likes the Bulldogs by a lot (-14.5) but I don’t know how you trust a team that lost to UNLV against anybody.
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Ranking the 25 possible 2017 World Series matchups
Last year, the Cubs and Indians were an easy favorite. Which teams will take the top slot this year?
Two-thirds of the teams in Major League Baseball were sent home to think about what they did wrong. The other 10 teams have a chance to win the danged World Series. Our job today is to rank which matchups are likely to be the most exciting.
We did this last year, and the choice was obvious: Everyone wanted to watch the Cubs and Indians have a sad-off, and it was miraculous that it actually happened. It’s never the best possible combination that makes it to the World Series. It’s always the Cardinals and Red Sox, even if it’s not the Cardinals and Red Sox. Somehow the Cubs and Indians made it through the gauntlet and gifted us with the best World Series matchup possible.
A rematch is possible, but is it desirable? For that, we’ll need to return to our proprietary ranking system, which focuses on the following categories:
Legacy of sadness
Last year, the Cubs became Ronald Miller from Can’t Buy Me Love, and they’re kind of insufferable now. The Indians are Ronald’s old friend, and you wouldn’t believe what they did to his house last year.
Both teams are back, but only one of them can claim the same legacy of sadness. Somehow, we’ve made it to a postseason in which not only are the Cubs not the saddest team of the group, but they aren’t even the second saddest team of the group. Amazing.
I like watching teams that haven’t won it before. You might have different tastes, but, well, I’m the one writing this article. That means the teams that haven’t won it before get bonus points.
Star power
Roughly translated, these are the players we want to watch. A team with nine Jose Altuves would get an 11 out of 10. The same could be said about Aaron Judge, Francisco Lindor, or Clayton Kershaw. Would a team of nine Clayton Kershaws beat a team of nine Aaron Judges? Dammit, we have a whole offseason to think about this, but now we’re off track.
Previous matchup bonus/demerits
This is a tricky one. Let’s take the Red Sox and Cardinals as an example. No one likes those teams. No one wants to watch them play another World Series against each other. We can go another century before a rematch, and absolutely no one will miss it.
At the same time, the Dodgers and Yankees? It was basically the matchup of every World Series in the ‘40s and ‘50s, to the point where my mom grew up thinking “World Series” was when the Dodgers and Yankees played. But it would feel fresh and historical at the same time today.
Just because teams played each other recently doesn’t mean that you don’t want to see them again. The Cubs and Indians, say. I’d watch that.
Whatever I feel like
This is a new category! Traditionally, this is a spot for regional rivalries, but there isn’t a chance for one of those this year. I guess you can take a commuter train from New York to Washington DC, but it still doesn’t count.
No, this is a spot where I get to rig the rankings. Because, dang it, a Red Sox/Cubs World Series still sounds cool to me, even if they’re both frat boys who forgot their friends from the AV club back home.
I put all of these numbers into a spreadsheet and rank them, every year. Here’s what the formula spits out for the 2017 MLB postseason:
There are three combinations out of the 25 in which both of the teams have won a World Series since the turn of the millennium. Two of them pull up the rear in this exercise.
The Diamondbacks won about six seconds after becoming a franchise, and I’m not convinced that they’ve suffered enough since then. They have a karmic debt to pay back, and I’m not geeked on a 2001 rematch unless Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling travel through time to pitch.
It wasn’t until now that I realized that the 2001 and 2007 World Series were linked in my head. Both were matchups of classic East Coast teams and unfamiliar NL West expansion teams in their first and only World Series. Neither of them are particularly interesting to me as a rematch.
The biggest thing hurting Yankees/Nationals is the chance that the Yankees might win. Because, gross, we’ve seen that before. Otherwise, give me Max Scherzer vs. Aaron Judge and Aroldis Chapman vs. Bryce Harper. That sounds like a pip.
I guess I owe an explanation when it comes to the Twins. I find the idea of a Twins-Diamondbacks World Series very, very funny, so it gets bonus points. It’s one of the ones that keeps Fox executives up at night, which means we should probably root for it.
JOE BUCK: Welcome to the 2017 World Series, where the Minnesota Twins take on the Arizona ...
JOE BUCK: ...
JOE BUCK: look, i just can’t
JOE BUCK: [plays Minesweeper for four hours]
While I’m not excited about another Red Sox World Series, I can admit to being interested in some potential fresh and classic matchup combos. The Dodgers/Red Sox isn’t one we’ve seen a lot of. Same goes with Red Sox and Cubs, the World Series we were robbed of in 2003.
The Twins keep showing up because they haven’t won since before Bryce Harper was born, and that tickles my fancy. If we’re going to spend a week with two teams, at least make them two teams that can make you feel happy for them.
The Twins also rank the lowest in star power, because while I’m giddy about Miguel Sano and love watching Byron Buxton play center, I’m pretty sure Joe Mays would be the scheduled Game 2 starter.
Also, the Astros get bonus points just because of everything the region has gone through, and like heck am I apologizing for that.
Boy, this sure is a lot of Twins.
Maybe I need to rejigger the formula.
On the other hand, the Twins winning the pennant this year would be hilarious, so I’m keeping it all.
Here be Rockies, and they’re faring so well because a) they’ve never won before and b) they would annoy the heck out of Fox. Part of me doesn’t really want to see the Rockies face the Twins. Another, larger part of me wants that to be the matchup because it would be a perfect example of baseball mooning us.
Indians/Nationals should probably be higher, now that I see it. Those are two excellent teams, and it would be a fresh matchup.
The Yankees/Dodgers would not be a fresh matchup, but it’s not like anyone remembers what happened before 1992. I’m a sucker for classic, original franchises meeting in the Fall Classic.
GIVE ME THE REMATCH. If the Cubs lose, it’s the beginning of a cosmic grudge match that might not be resolved for 100 years. If the Indians lose, it’s the building of a deeper loser mythology, the one team that went underground when the Red Sox, White Sox, Giants, and Cubs started winning.
It’s more than that, though. I want to see the Indians at (relatively) full strength, with Carlos Carrasco and an improved Trevor Bauer against a Cubs lineup that isn’t quite as dominant as they were last year. I want to watch Jose Ramirez, MVP candidate, against Jon Lester, not Cy Young candidate. There’s so much potential in a rematch, and I’m all for it.
If not, the runner-up is Indians/Dodgers, which is a classic matchup that hasn’t happened since the Dodgers were the Brooklyn Robins and the World Series was a best-of-9 series. This would be the Momentum Bowl, with the Dodgers drawing comparisons to the ‘27 Yankees in the first half of the season and the Indians drawing comparisons over the last month.
The Astros pick up three spots in the final tier for a couple of reasons. The first is the franchise has been around for over 50 years, and they’ve never won a World Series game, which seems important. The second is, jeez, we’re all pulling for you, Houston. They’re the sentimental favorites, and they just so happen to be a secret baseball sad sack.
Eyeballing this, I’m seeing some matchups that the formula kind of whiffed on. Yankees/Nationals would be a combination of stars and talent that would definitely go down smooth, and the same would go for Red Sox/Nationals. The Red Sox and Cubs should probably be closer to the top, even if that’s only because there’s a little Fox executive inside us all, and I’m just not sure about all the Twins and Rockies. That’s an awful lot of Twins and Rockies.
At the same time, I’m comfortable with the top five slots. An Indians/Cubs rematch would be a treat, an absolute treat, and while I always want to try new things, I’m also the kind of guy who can watch Rounders 47 times because it’s always on basic cable. I’m also not tired of the Indians or Cubs yet. Not quite yet. Give me one more October, and I’ll rail against them next season.
For the second straight year, I’m proclaiming an Indians/Cubs World Series as the best possible matchup. Your mileage may vary. But I’m pretty sure I’m right on this, and you’ll just have to come around.
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How the Economy Affects Nanny the Industry
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Ana, a nanny that functions and life just outside the house of Manhattan called Ideal Nanny E-newsletter crying all through the 1st 7 days of Oct, 2008. Ana advised me that her boss arrived dwelling early all through the 7 days from his occupation on Wall Avenue and declared he experienced been fired, and that her employer could no extended afford to use her.
I accept functioning as a nanny for two dad and mom that get the job done on Wall Avenue is unsettling for me. If the financial recession has a trickle-down impact it will inevitably have an impact on nannies. Nannies might lose careers, but there might also be maximize careers as two father or mother households ship both equally dad and mom to get the job done to provide in two incomes.
To share appropriate advice with Ana I questioned a couple of nanny agency house owners and nanny field professionals if the financial recession is impacting their organizations and for their advice for nannies (like Ana) all through this financial recession.
Katherine Leary Robinson, President of Beacon Hill Nannies, Inc. in Newton, Massachusetts claims, "I propose nannies again down their income anticipations ten-twelve%, if they are not observing households actively pursuing them."
Ms. Leary continues, "Are living-in nannies are incredibly fortuitous in this horrible financial environment. As their only expenditures are apparel and enjoyment, they have not knowledgeable the maximize fees of lease, heating, food stuff or fuel. Be sure to never neglect the quantity of funds you help you save as a are living-in nanny, right here on the east coastline. Are living-in nannies are having fun with on typical an further $twenty five,000 a year in tax free of charge positive aspects with free of charge space, board, an insured motor vehicle, and wellness insurance policy. You would have to be earning an further $33,000 year gross to web that $twenty five,000 for those people are living out expenditures."
Susan Tokayer, Operator and President of Family Helpers, Inc. in Dobbs Ferry, New York explains, "We have been slower both equally with our short-term support and prolonged-term support for the earlier 6-weeks, considering the fact that the banking disaster strike. I would say we are carrying out about 30% less business enterprise than we were being carrying out a person-year back. Most households are becoming careful ideal now, so there isn't as substantially activity as ordinary."
Ms. Tokayer provides, "Everybody (nannies integrated) should have some funds established aside for emergencies. If you were being to quickly be unemployed mainly because your employer dropped his/her occupation, you should have some funds accessible to are living on till you secure a different situation. Ideally, you want to have the equivalent of 6-months of living expenditures in savings. If you never have that quantity, now is a superior time to put some funds aside for a rainy working day. Getting a new occupation might take extended than typical in this financial environment."
�� Glenn S. Greenhouse, Operator of Greenhouse Company, Ltd. In New York claims, "We have observed a incredibly slight decrease which I feel is due to the present economic disaster we are all experiencing. Even so it is small."
Mr. Greenhouse continues, "My advice to nannies would be to stay wherever you are if your occupation is secure. If your boss's occupation is secure, never seem for greener pastures. If you are in search of a occupation, never sell your self quick, but weigh occupation safety as substantially as occupation compensation. It is a far better determination having a couple of pounds less with a relatives who will have their funds tomorrow, than hazard a occupation paying out massive bucks with a relatives who just produced their funds or who are functioning in a dangerous field."
Rachel Lawrence, Operator of Wilmington Nanny Company LLC in North Carolina shares, "Things have slowed down some. While you might be worth each individual penny, now may well not be a superior time to perform challenging ball about income. Converse to dad and mom and check out to established up a prepare for starting off at a lessen income and then getting a ninety-working day increase and a increase in a person-year to get nearer to the income you were being originally seeking for. Once the relatives sees how wonderful you are, raises will be a lot less complicated to give than a high income off the bat."
Shannon Pitts, CEO of InteliMark Enterprises and GreatAuPair.com explains, "Some households are holding again on full-time care, in search of approaches to lessen their childcare fees. We have far more candidates in search of much less accessible careers now than this time final year."
"Nannies in search of employment might come across they are competing for much less accessible positions and as this kind of should take into consideration the top quality of their software. It would also be worthwhile to find out how to sell the capabilities they have to opportunity businesses and increase their job interview capabilities," explains the CEO of InteliMark Enterprises.
"One more selection for nannies would be to take into consideration organizing a nanny share between two households. This will enable make certain the nannies procure full time several hours while helping households with the price of childcare. People will be seeking for nannies that have the organizational and time administration capabilities desired to make a nanny share a workable selection for both equally households," claims Shannon Pitts.
Alicia Torchia, President and Placement Marketing consultant of Mindful Treatment Givers LLC which serves the New Jersey and New York tri point out area writes, "I have witnessed a five% decrease in the volume of business enterprise we have introduced in more than this earlier year, these are households who are choosing us in search of nanny care companies. I have witnessed an maximize in households choosing us for infant care experts. I have witnessed an maximize in repeat business enterprise more than all."
Ms. Torchia provides, "I have witnessed an maximize in qualified nurses, teachers, and university graduates and even corporate folks entering the nanny subject mainly because they dropped careers in their subject. I inform all the nannies in my community to check out and not modify a occupation in this financial system mainly because you never know when you are heading to come across a different occupation that suits your requirements."
Sharon Toutant, Operator of A Greater Nanny in Sierra Madre, California tells us, "We are observing much less households giving full-time positions. They often are using relatives for aspect of their caregiver requirements and choosing aspect-time nannies. Several households are in search of our enable in getting their nannies some other aspect-time get the job done so they will never lose an individual important to their life."
Ms. Toutant claims, "My very best recommendation to nannies is to be extremely ready and have your very best data all set for that 1st job interview. Present a very well accomplished concise resume, written references with cellular phone figures or other make contact with data for those people references, a present DMV report and any criminal background examine that you can present. Also present for evaluation any faculty transcripts, CPR and Initially Aid certification. Be the nanny who provides the very best package to the table so the relatives will keep in mind you as the very best ready."
Lora Brawley operator of Brawley & Associates and AllAboutNannyCare.com in Federal Way, Washington provides, "I've witnessed a decrease in the range of households buying consulting companies. Even so, I even now get about the similar range of households seeking to seek the services of a nanny."
Ms. Brawley endorses that nannies:
1. Be ready to bounce into a occupation research. Will not wait around till the unthinkable happens just before you start out sharpening your occupation research capabilities and establishing your research portfolio.
2. Be ready to have the "why are we paying out you this substantially?" conversation. Each individual nanny should be equipped to clearly outline the price they provide to a relatives.
3. Remain relaxed. Nervousness is contagious. It is your responsibility as a qualified to build and keep a secure care offering environment. Additionally it will make you feel far better way too!
Judi Merlin, President of A Mate of the Family Dwelling Solutions, Inc. in Ga answers, "Indeed, our business enterprise is down, both equally quick and prolonged-term. We are recruiting for only particular areas and particular careers, as we have adequate caregivers to fill virtually all the careers we have."
Pat Cascio, Founder and Director of Morningside Nannies in Houston, Texas explains, "Long-term placements are down. Temporary is down a bit. We have experienced much less inquiries, much less new purchasers, and much less hires."
Ms. Cascio claims, "Nannies that are employed to earning at the increased conclusion of the income vary, might want to be a bit adaptable about the salaries they are requesting. Some households that are associated in investments and banking are not earning they variety of commissions that they are employed to and therefore funds isn't flowing as conveniently as it once might have. Other households might be viewing their investments dwindle in the current market and are not experience incredibly specific about their economic futures. When available employment, nannies should take into consideration them selves blessed to be receiving a occupation provide and hope that when the economic scenario turns about that their employer will be equipped to maximize their income. There have been a couple of stories not too long ago about nannies not becoming equipped to come across careers in cities as significant as New York. The London newspapers are reporting the similar detail -- when households lower again on expenditures the nanny might be the 1st to go."
Merrilan Kougias, CEO, Select The Ideal Nanny, LLC in McKinney, Texas discloses, "We have witnessed a decrease in our are living-in placements in marketplaces this kind of as New York. We have also observed that households are not calling to job interview candidates in a well timed method. Shoppers (on the East Coast) are not speeding to fill vacancies and look to be having a ‘wait and see' solution."
The CEO of Select The Ideal Nanny continues, "If a nanny decides she will have to make a job modify, she should check out to be affected individual and adaptable. A high conclusion nanny might want to lessen her income necessity or get the job done smarter by using an agency to market her occupation capabilities and income requirements. One more point is to insist on a get the job done settlement or contract between the employer and the nanny."
Michelle Damas, CEO of Neverland Nannies & Domestics in Woodland Hills, California claims, "Unfortunately, we have observed a slight decrease in business enterprise due to the financial recession. Even so, there are definitely even now careers accessible by those people who the recession does not have an impact on."
Ms. Damas continues, "The recession isn't going to have an impact on the the vast majority of our variety of clientele, but 1st time dwelling purchasers and (however) lessen money households have to lower corners. On the brighter aspect, lots of households who even now have secured employment even now need top quality childcare for their small children, giving ongoing job chances for qualified nannies and boy or girl personnel."
"If any nannies are experiencing troubles securing nanny positions, I would motivate them to take the subsequent actions in buy to maximize their odds of getting a good chance and beating their level of competition:
1. Put jointly a top quality nanny resume. Hint: List your skills in the beginning so they stand out from other people. Check out to only incorporate your childcare relevant positions, instead than non-related get the job done practical experience. People want to know what variety of childcare practical experience you have far more so than anything at all else.
2. Do not put all your eggs in a person basket! I motivate all nannies to take the time to scope out the top quality agencies in their area and job interview with each and each individual a person of them (never indication on to an agency completely). Without harassing the agencies, offer each with a weekly cellular phone get in touch with/electronic mail letting them know that you are even now in the current market for a nanny situation.
3. Continue to be aggressive by maintaining your income requirements realistic. Figure out what the heading price is in your area and then regulate appropriately. Be adaptable, and qualified.
4. If you can, be adaptable with your routine (and take note it on your resume). If you are open up to vacation, right away stays, and weekend, take note that on your resume.
5. Check out to go on the the vast majority of interviews each agency delivers you. Be on time to each individual job interview and dress skillfully. Carry a duplicate of your resume, your references (dependent on the agencies procedures), any letters of suggestion you might have, copies of your Initially Aid/CPR certifications, Trustline clearance and any other paperwork you might have that display your skills as a qualified nanny.
6. Once more, continue to be optimistic! All of that beneficial power is bound to land you a good job chance."
Anne Service provider of Teacher's School for Specialist Enhancement and creator of The Nanny Textbook explains, "The financial recession has impacted us. We waived all of our costs mainly because the range of nannies registering for lessons dropped-off drastically. Now, mainly because we have no costs at all our college student rely is increased than it has been in 6-several years. I would advise nannies to not make the oversight of assuming that you will never be laid-off. With the price of foreclosures and the tumbling down of formerly very well-highly regarded banking institutions and companies (not to point out individuals and households that have dropped a lot of funds in the stock current market) people are cutting again."
Ms. Service provider endorses, "To stay as marketable as possible, never get the job done just on your education and learning - get the job done on receiving further credentials that can be additional to your resume, this kind of as
1. Renew your CPR certification and contain a duplicate of the certification in your nanny portfolio.
2. Get a letter of suggestion from your present employer while you are presently functioning or ask your employer to complete an analysis for you that can be integrated in your nanny portfolio.
3. Talk to good friends that are nannies if their employer requirements an occasional night nanny and if so ask for a letter of suggestion.
4. Acquire nanny lessons like ours at Teacher's School for Specialist Enhancement.
5. Uncover a way to volunteer to enable out at an right after faculty application, nursery faculty, a Gymboree, the local bookstore or library by conducting a "story hour," or daycare. Volunteer for an adult or children's literacy group, educating English as a next language, or tutoring at an elementary faculty. Explain to them up-front that you are developing both equally your capabilities and your resume and you would like them to accept your enable by writing a letter of reference."
Steve Lampert CEO of eNannySource.com a national nanny world wide web web page writes, "It is a reality that there will be far more nannies searching for much less careers, that can make it extremely significant that each nanny be incredibly qualified and have a very well written resume, dress appropriately and have superior letters of reference. Also, react quickly to all e-mail and phone calls and arrive on time for interviews."
Jo Anne Reed, Operator of Estate Domestics, in Atlanta, Ga implies, "I would advise nannies to get seasonal careers to subsidize their money while we get through this time."
Hilary Lockhart, CEO and Founder of A+ Nannies, Inc. in Scottsdale, Arizona shares, "Our short-term placements are down 42%, relatives registrations are down forty seven%, and long term placements down 51%. I imagine anyone is observing a strike. I imagine that nannies want to know that if they want the similar pay out they have been receiving for the final two or a few-several years, they want to be expecting to be affected individual when seeking for careers. We have lots of households seeking to start out about $one less than what I was observing two-several years back they are all willing to give raises at 6-months. I imagine dad and mom are just striving to help you save funds (like the rest of us). Of training course there are those people purchasers that funds is even now no situation, but they are not all like that."
Betty Davis of In Search of Nanny Inc. in Beverly, Massachusetts discloses, "We will not have as high an maximize in total annual earnings as when compared to prior several years. We will unquestionably meet final year's total earnings levels but we may well not maximize earnings, as we have in almost each individual earlier year."
Ms. Davis provides, "In the metro Boston area, it is not just in-dwelling care that has been impacted. There are lots of prolonged-term relatives daycare suppliers in our geographic area who have closed their organizations due to absence of enrollment and have submitted applications to the agency for qualified positions. Working day care centers have also let teachers go due to declining enrollment."
"Salaries in the metro Boston area are most likely the maximum in the region and they have amplified drastically more than the earlier two- to a few-several years. I imagine caregivers, as all of us, will have to ‘tighten the belt' and most likely take into consideration positions at slightly lessen salaries (even now aggressive) than most likely they have experienced not too long ago. The financial system will appear again and if a caregiver is carrying out a good occupation, I am certain as their businesses are far more secure in their qualified positions, their caregiver's get the job done will be fiscally recognized. Most of the households that we aid have also witnessed their money decrease – no raises, elimination of bonuses, and so on," claims Ms. Davis.
She continues, "Nannies may well also take into consideration functioning two aspect-time positions to make their weekly income. We have placed caregivers in two careers – a two-working day occupation and a a few-working day occupation. Salaries for aspect-time positions do not look to have been as influenced as salaries for full-time caregivers. When our agency areas a person caregiver in two aspect-time positions our agency will usually negotiate full positive aspects for the caregiver between two households. If a caregiver previously has a person aspect-time situation (which she observed independently) and needs us to come across a different to ‘match' it, the caregiver may well not receive a full paid out positive aspects package unless we are equipped to negotiate with the other relatives – which has transpired only a couple of occasions."
Mary O'Connor, Operator of Nannies from the Heartland, in Minneapolis, Minnesota provides, "Ideal now we are at about the similar place we were being final year. We have observed far more households thinking about a aspect-time nanny more than a full-time nanny. Our short-term placements have amplified. Even so, in the final pair of weeks we have experienced a decrease in client inquires and new purchasers."
Ms. O'Connor claims, "Nannies should thoroughly take into consideration switching careers knowing that getting anything could take substantially extended than it has in the earlier. Fantastic careers are accessible but it is having extended to come across the 'right suit.' Consider accepting short-term or quick-term get the job done while searching for long term placements. Seem at what may well be negotiable mainly because you might be producing compromises in your pay out vary or positive aspects. It is in the nanny's very best curiosity to make certain their resume is up-to-date, CPR and Initially Aid is present, and they have shown qualified continuing education and learning -- these factors get notice."
Erin Krex, Operator of Initially Class Treatment, Inc., in Illinois provides, "People are not giving the similar generous salaries as a few-months back. They are searching about far more for the very best offer. Most of the nannies I see are asking for far more funds than they produced at their final occupation, which is comprehensible, but I inform them if you can come across a superior relatives who requirements you prolonged-term then take the pay out decrease and wait around the year for a increase, normally they will go months without having a occupation while waiting around for the wanted income."
Some agency house owners have witnessed no have an impact on from the financial recession. For example, Starla Smith of HouseholdStaffing.com in Pennsylvania claims, "Organization is booming!"
Ginger Mylander Swift, President of ABC Nannies & Domestics, Inc. in Denver, Colorado discloses that she is getting, "a different good year and once once more we are on monitor to surpass final year's revenues. Nannies with practical experience and robust references will usually be in need."
Jessica Gillan, President and CEO of A Nanny Solution, Inc. in San Jose, California shares, "I have experienced my most successful year. We have placed 53 full-time nannies this year by yourself, and the year isn't more than. I have experienced dad and mom inform me that they not too long ago offered stocks to be equipped to afford a person of our high caliber nannies in addition to our placement costs. I have witnessed a few agencies in the bay area go beneath inside of the final 6-months, I promote my companies to the business enterprise and medicals professionals who are less influenced by the financial system, considering the fact that I placed a nanny with a health care provider at Stanford, the total medical center phone calls me now. Consider it or not, this financial system can be a blessing in disguise for the nanny field. A lot more mothers are heading again to get the job done and those people households want nannies. If this really is your job then you will have to take the superior with the bad, the financial system will make a return. In the meantime, stay off craigslist wherever the dad and mom who are seeking for a inexpensive offer are on there and as a consequence only want to provide under current market wages. Dad and mom use agencies mainly because they want the total package and they are aware of the placement costs and increased salaries. Dad and mom want a polished and a fully commited qualified nanny."
Wendy Sachs, President of The Philadelphia Nanny Community, Inc. explains, "We have not observed a decrease in our business enterprise in any way due to the financial recession. We have witnessed households determining to opt out of using our support telling us it really is mainly because of the financial system but we are even now receiving new purchasers in to swap that attrition."
Ms. Sachs continues, "With far more people receiving laid-off, the pool will become flooded with people seeking for get the job done, reassess moving out of occupation at this time, might be wiser to maintain onto the occupation they are presently in."
Elizabeth Walsh, Operator of NannyQuest, Inc. in Atlanta, Ga explains, "Our clientele look to be earlier mentioned the economic storm. I propose nannies open up up the parameters of your occupation research. Be willing to do a bit far more than just childcare. Provide your self by emphasizing your capabilities at dwelling administration, light housework, meal planning, tutoring, swimming lessons, and so on. When dad and mom comprehend that they can be far more successful at producing funds mainly because of what you take off their proverbial plate, they are far more willing to pay out prime dollar."
Claudia Kahn, Operator of The Help Enterprise, in Santa Monica, California writes, "We have not still witnessed a decrease in our business enterprise, but we are anticipating it. We have experienced phone calls from lots of superior nannies that have dropped their occupation and are in search of new employment. I also presume that dad and mom will check out to do the occupation that a superior agency will do in vetting the ideal man or woman to enable with their childcare. There is usually a want for nannies right here in Los Angeles as there are countless numbers of households with twin money dad and mom that want childcare. I am not only telling the nannies, but other occupation seekers as very well as private and government assistants, and chefs to probably lessen the anticipations of their salaries, and to be far more adaptable in what they are seeking for in a situation. Everybody requirements to lessen their rates which includes agencies, as this is a time when anyone is nervous about their bottom line."
Susan Feigon & Gail Hamilton of Feigon Hamilton Partnership propose "Preserve a beneficial mindset and keep the occupation you previously have for now."
The superior news: Ana, the nanny that called Ideal Nanny E-newsletter crying she experienced dropped her occupation the 1st 7 days of Oct has observed a occupation just before printing this situation. She has just signed a contract producing $sixty five,000 for every year as a nanny in Hoboken, New Jersey. For Ana, her former boss getting rid of his occupation grew to become her blessing in disguise.
Thank you also to Sacha Taylor of Nannies and A lot more in Atlanta, Ga, Susan Buczak of Christian Nanny in Knoxville, Tennessee, and Shari Kendall-O'Neill, Operator of Incredible Placements, LLC for their contributions to this article.
References:
1. Lora Brawley, Brawley & Associates, Federal Way, WA
2. Pat Cascio, Director, Morningside Nannies, Houston, TX
three. Michelle Damas, CEO of Neverland Nannies & Domestics, Woodland Hills, CA
four. Betty Davis, Operator, In Search of Nanny Inc., Beverly, MA
five. Susan Feigon and Gail Hamilton, Feigon Hamilton Partnership,
six. Jesica Gillan, President and CEO, A Nanny Solution, Inc., San Jose, CA
7. Glenn S. Greenhouse, Operator, Greenhouse Company, Ltd., New York, NY
eight. Claudia Kahn, Operator,The Help Enterprise, Santa Monica, CA,
9. Merrilan Kougias, CEO, Select The Ideal Nanny, LLC, McKinney, TX
ten. Erin Krex, Operator, Initially Class Treatment, Inc., IL
eleven. Rachel Lawrence, Operator, Wilmington Nanny Company LLC., Wilmington, NC
twelve. Anne Service provider, Teacher's School for Specialist Enhancement
thirteen. Judi Merlin, President, A Mate of the Family Dwelling Solutions, Inc., GA
14. Shannon Pitts, CEO, InteliMark Enterprises GreatAuPair.com
15. Steve Lampert CEO, eNannySource.com,West Hills, CA
sixteen. Hilary Lockhart, CEO, A+ Nannies, Inc., Scottsdale, AZ
17. Mary O'Connor, Operator, Nannies from the Heartland, Minneapolis, MN
eighteen. Jo Anne Reed, Operator, Estate Domestics, Atlanta, GA
19. Katherine Leary Robinson, President, Beacon Hill Nannies, Inc., Newton, MA
20. Wendy Sachs, President, The Philadelphia Nanny Community, Inc., Ardmore, PA
21. Starla Smith, HouseholdStaffing.com Bala Cynwyd, PA
22. Ginger Mylander Swift, President, ABC Nannies & Domestics, Inc., Denver, CO
23. Susan Tokayer, President, Family Helpers, Inc., Dobbs Ferry, NY
24. Alicia Torchia, President, Mindful Treatment Givers LLC Skillman, NJ
twenty five. Sharon Toutant, Operator, A Greater Nanny, Sierra Madre, CA
26. Elizabeth Walsh, Operator, NannyQuest, Inc., Atlanta, GA
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My Experience with Corrective Jaw Surgery
I recently heard that Bristol Palin had a corrective jaw surgery. Child, does that mention thoughts for me! I'd corrective jaw surgery years ago. I don't know if hers was as extensive as mine but either way, it's a life changing experience. Anyway, for many who are interested, I am happy to discuss my account with you.
I'd my jaw surgery, more technically classified orthognathic surgery, when I was 14 yrs old. It was really rough to go through Nonetheless It was among the best things my parents have previously done for me. My dad said when I was around 36 months old they started to recognize I'd a bit of an overbite. I assume they probably blew it off figuring it might improve however it simply extended to have worse. My best teeth jutted outward, my upper jaw overlapped my bottom jaw significantly and also to top it off, I didnot have a lot of a face.
The most important thing from the about those years is how vicious the kids were and how much it hurt my heart to get to go to school everyday. I can not even let you know exactly how many times I heard the names "bucky bess", "buckteeth" and "bucky". Also my younger sister would tease me. It was really alone, when I did not have many friends. The children would place and sound, nobody picked me to be on the team. you know how it goes. Kids may be so cruel. Nonetheless even today it makes me sad to consider those activities.
I had to proceed through a couple of years of having all my baby teeth taken in order to obtain all my permanent teeth in and finally after I was 12 years old I got my braces on! The plan was to have my teeth so as with all the braces then proceed for the surgery. So that it finally got time to obtain my surgery to correct the overbite or more technically termed malocclusion. I really got lucky and the dental surgeon that I visited called me to Dr. Bell who was situated in Houston with all the University of Texas Health Science Center. My surgery would have been a "teaching" type surgery and many doctors in education might attend and that I was also told my photos (before and afters, pictures throughout the surgery) would appear in medical textbooks! We'd to make a pair visits to Dallas to determine this physician to have organized for this surgery. There have been several images taken of me during this whole process and lots of issues that first visit. It was determined that the surgery was medically necessary because of my issues with not to be able to eat correctly and things like that so I was fortunate that my moms insurance paid an excellent portion of it.
Your day finally came and I was on my method to Dallas for that actual surgery. I remember addressing Parkland Hospital and checking in. That evening they really I would like to have a pizza sent to my hospital room because I wasn't planning to be eating anything stable for quite a while. I had NO idea what I was set for! The surgery started very early the following morning.
I don't remember anything until I woke up in healing 14 hours later. I remember them saying anything about taking a pipe out and experiencing something slide up from both my nose or my neck and I gagged but realized I couldn't move my mouth. Then I recall a good nurse wiping my lips down having a cool, wet cloth. I was still really groggy and looking back I am unsure exactly when but time after,perhaps even a day laterapproximately, from the them wheeling me to my area and stopping to get a second since my dad was there in the hallway. From the him saying anything to me then walking down and then I heard him sobbing.
A while next, after I got to my place and had settled in, I began to feel nauseous and immediately started vomitting. My mother went from the place to get a nurse. My lips were wired shut so it was somewhat scary but it all arrived my nose and it was ok. It had been mostly blood that had gotten into my stomach during surgery. My mom and the nurse came running in and got me all cleaned up. Thank heavens this is the only time from the vomiting with my jaws wired shut!
I was still curious about what I looked like and did not feel a lot of the things they were saying till I actually did try the mirror. It had been a significant surprise and it took a minute to understand it was even me I was looking at. Our head was very swollen, my lips were crusted and soft (from being dried out through the surgery), there have been bandages throughout my brain, neck and chin and I had two black eyes. I looked like I had been struck with a pickup or something!
I was inside the hospital in regards to a week and so they I want to go home. It was a rough ride home but we made it. That next 7 weeks were definitely pain! I felt like I'd starve to death. I had to consume with a needle using a little tube onto it. Our jaws were sent so tight that I could barely get that little pipe within the house behind my molars in the back of my mouth. My meals contains thinned out beverages and eventually I just caught with chocolate milk because it was the thing that actually tasted right. I had a couple of fainting spells during these 7 weeks, I suppose only from lack of solid food.
On two occasions right after I returned home from getting the surgery, I woke at night panicking because I could not breathe through my nose and needed to speed for the ER. The reason why was due to gross, sticky mucous and bits of body which was still draining and clotting from your surgery. They'd to drive soaked gauze way up into my nose and move it back out (alongside all the major material) to be able to clear my nose therefore I could breathe properly.
There after I'd to clean my nose daily with saline spray. Our lips were sent somehow with a plastic white end between my top and bottom teeth type of such as a cartridge for football players. They'd wires weaved up through my braces during that bit really limited (and also inner cables that ran up to the bones of my face up toward my cheeks) therefore I couldn't breathe whatsoever through my mouth.
I finally managed to get for the time I got my jaws un-wired alongside acquiring the plastic splint out of between my bite. It was a bit of cake though it felt quite weird to help you to start my mouth again- it is almost like I'd to relearn how to open my mouth but it felt so great to be able to breathe through my mouth again. Right after that I had to attend possess the interior cables that went up through my facial bones to my cheeks removed. They practically must be "jerked" out which was pretty painful but the physician was very satisfied with the end result and so was I.
Essentially what they did throughout the surgery was they went in and "broke" my bottom jaw and got bone from my right hip to reconstruct it and increase it to complement the top one and also from what I understand, did some "breaking" and reconstruction of the most effective jaw and facial bones connecting everything back as well as 30 screws and 9 plates (or 9 plates and 30 screws-cannot remember!) and I also got a chin implant.
youtube
By the moment I got my jaws unwired I had been 15 yrs old which began a complete new trip in my own living having a whole new group of troubles- having such low-self worth nevertheless beginning to obtain a large amount of new focus primarily from the opposite gender as a result of onset of puberty. It was form of a menu for disaster but I Will enter that in another link:0) Looking back I do hope I may have gone to guidance after the surgery to assist me adjust to the key change that had taken place in my life especially at that critical age of 15.
Though it was a lot to undergo, I'd do it all over again in an additional. It was all totally worth it-each little it. Looking back on all of this, I feel the necessity to significantly thank my mom and dad for having this surgery done for me as well as for being there for me during that time. I can not imagine how my life could be if I hadn't had it done.
Get acquainted with more about Bothell Surgeons Near Me
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My Experience with Corrective Jaw Surgery
I recently noticed that Bristol Palin had a corrective jaw surgery. Boy, does that mention thoughts for me! I'd corrective jaw surgery years back. I donot know if hers was as substantial as mine but in either case, it's a life changing experience. Anyway, for several who are interested, I'm very happy to discuss my story along with you.
I'd my chin surgery, more formally termed orthognathic surgery, once I was 14 years old. It was really tough to undergo However It was one of the best things my parents have previously done for me. Dad said when I was around 3 years old they started to notice I'd slightly of an overbite. I assume they probably blew it off working it might improve but it just continued to have worse. My best teeth jutted outward, my upper jaw overlapped my bottom jaw significantly and to top it down, used to don't have much of a face.
The main thing I recall about those years is how harsh the youngsters were and just how much it hurt my heart to have to attend school every day. I cannot even let you know how many times I noticed the names "bucky bess", "buck teeth" and "bucky". Also my younger brother would tease me. It had been really alone, when I didn't have many friends. The children would place and sound, nobody picked me to become on the team. you know how it goes. Kids may be so cruel. Nonetheless to this day it makes me sad to think of those activities.
I had to undergo a couple years of getting all my baby teeth taken in order to acquire all my permanent teeth in and finally once I was 12 years of age I got my braces on! The program was to obtain my teeth so as with the braces and then move on for the surgery. So it eventually came time to get my surgery to repair the overbite or even more technically called malocclusion. I actually got lucky as well as the oral surgeon that I went to introduced me to Dr. Bell who had been located in Houston together with the University of Texas Health Science Center. Our surgery would have been a "coaching" type surgery and several doctors in training would attend and that I was also told my images (before and afters, photos through the surgery) seems in medical textbooks! We'd to produce a couple trips to Dallas to find out this physician to acquire prepared for this surgery. There have been several photos taken of me in this whole process and many questions that first visit. It was established that the surgery was medically necessary because of my difficulties with not to be able to eat properly and things like that so I was fortunate that my moms insurance paid an excellent percentage of it.
The day finally arrived and I was on my strategy to Dallas for the actual surgery. I remember dealing with Parkland Hospital and checking in. That evening they actually allow me to have a pizza delivered to my hospital room since I was not likely to be eating anything stable for some time now. I had NO idea what I was set for! The surgery started very early the following morning.
I donot remember something until I woke up in healing 14 hours later. I recall them saying anything about taking a tube out and experiencing anything slide up from either my nose or my neck and that I gagged but realized I couldn't move my mouth. Then from the a nice nurse wiping my lips down having a cool, damp cloth. I was still really groggy and looking back I'm uncertain exactly when but sometime after,maybe even the following dayroughly, I remember them wheeling me to my place and stopping for a second since dad was therein the hall. I recall him saying something to me and then walking down and after that I heard him sobbing.
A while next, after I got to my bedroom and had settled in, I begun to feel upset and immediately started vomitting. My mother went out of the place to get a nurse. My jaws were wired shut so that it was somewhat scary nonetheless it all came out my nose and it was ok. It had been mainly body that had gotten into my stomach during surgery. My mother and the nurse came running in and got me all cleaned up. Thank heavens this was the sole time I remember vomiting with my teeth wired shut!
I was still interested in what I looked like and didn't believe a lot of the things they were saying until I really did try the mirror. It was quite a shock and it got one minute to realize it was actually me I was looking at. My head was very swollen, my lips were crusted and bloody (from being dried up during the surgery), there have been bandages all around my brain, throat and chin and that I had two black eyes. I looked like I'd been struck by a vehicle or something!
I was inside the hospital a few week plus they allow me to go home. It was a rough ride back but we made it. That next 7 days were absolutely torture! I felt like I would starve to death. I'd to consume having a needle with a little tube on it. Our teeth were sent so tight that I can barely get that little pipe while in the room behind my molars within the back of my mouth. My meals contained thinned out beverages and finally I simply stuck with chocolate milk since it was the only thing that even tasted right. I had several fainting spells during these 7 weeks, I guess only from insufficient solid food.
On two functions immediately after I got back home from having the surgery, I woke at night panicking because I could not breathe through my nose and had to rush for the ER. The main reason was because of major, sticky mucous and sections of body that was still wearing and clotting in the surgery. They'd to push soaked gauze way up into my nose and take it back out (in addition to all of the gross stuff) so that you can clear my nose therefore I can breathe properly.
After that I'd to wash my nose everyday with saline spray. Our jaws were born somehow with a plastic bright mouthpiece between my top and bottom teeth sort of such as a mouthpiece for football players. They'd cables stitched up through my braces during that bit very tight (and also central wires that went up in to the bones of my face-up toward my cheeks) therefore I could not breathe whatsoever through my mouth.
I finally managed to get towards the evening I got my teeth unwired along with taking the plastic splint out of between my bite. It was a bit of cake though it felt really odd in order to open my mouth again- it really is almost like I had to relearn how to open my mouth but it felt so great to help you to breathe through my mouth again. Immediately after that I'd to attend possess the inner wires that went up through my facial bones to my cheeks removed. They literally had to be "jerked" out and that was rather uncomfortable but a doctor was very satisfied with the end result therefore was I.
Basically what they did throughout the surgery was they went in and "broke" my bottom jaw and got bone from my right hip to construct it and expand it to match the very best one and also from what I am aware, did some "breaking" and reconstruction of the most effective jaw and facial bones connecting everything back along with 30 screws and 9 plates (or 9 plates and 30 screws-cannot remember!) and that I also got a chin implant.
youtube
By the time I got my lips unwired I was 15 years of age which started an entire new vacation in my own life using a whole new set of troubles- having such low-self confidence however needs to obtain a large amount of fresh focus mostly from your opposite sex as a result of beginning of puberty. It was kind of a formula for disaster but I Will enter into that in another hub:0) Looking back I do hope I might have gone to guidance after the surgery to assist me adapt to the main change that had happened in my own life especially at that critical age of 15.
Though it was quite a lot to proceed through, I would take action all over again in a second. It was all fully worth it-each bit of it. Looking back on all this, I'm the need to significantly thank my mom and dad for having this surgery performed for me as well as for being there for me throughout that time. I am unable to imagine how my life could be basically had not had it done.
Get acquainted with more about Bothell Orthognathic Surgery
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Text
My Experience with Corrective Jaw Surgery
I just heard that Bristol Palin had a corrective jaw surgery. Son, does that mention thoughts for me! I'd corrective jaw surgery years ago. I donot know if hers was as comprehensive as mine but in either case, it's a life changing experience. Anyway, for all who're serious, I'm pleased to share my account along with you.
I'd my chin surgery, more technically classified orthognathic surgery, after I was 14 yrs old. It had been really tough to undergo but It was among the greatest things my parents have previously done for me. My dad said after I was around three years old that they started to discover I had a little bit of an overbite. I suppose they probably blew it off working it may progress however it just continued to get worse. My top teeth jutted outward, my upper jaw overlapped my bottom jaw dramatically also to top it off, used to don't have much of a chin.
The most important thing I recall about those years is how vicious the children were and how much it hurt my heart to get to go to school everyday. I cannot even inform you how many times I heard the labels "bucky bess", "buckteeth" and "bucky". Even my younger sister would tease me. It had been really alone, as I didn't have many friends. The kids might point and sound, nobody picked me to be on their team. you know how it goes. Kids may be so cruel. Nevertheless even today it makes me sad to think about these experiences.
I had to undergo a few years of having all my baby teeth pulled in order to obtain all my permanent teeth in and finally after I was 12 yrs old I got my braces on! The plan was to get my teeth so as using the braces then moveon for the surgery. So that it eventually came time to get my surgery to fix the overbite or even more technically termed malocclusion. I really got lucky as well as the dental surgeon that I visited introduced me to Dr. Bell who had been positioned in Houston together with the University of Texas Health Science Center. My surgery will be a "training" sort surgery and lots of physicians in education might attend and that I was also told my photographs (before and afters, pictures throughout the surgery) would seem in medical textbooks! We had to create a couple trips to Dallas to find out this physician to get organized for this surgery. There were several photos taken of me with this entire process and many issues that first visit. It was decided that the surgery was medically necessary due to my issues with not having the ability to eat properly and things such as that and so I was lucky that my mothers insurance paid a great percentage of it.
The day finally got and that I was on my strategy to Texas for the actual surgery. I remember dealing with Parkland Hospital and checking in. That evening they really allow me to have a pizza brought to my hospital area since I wasn't planning to be eating something reliable for quite a while. I had NO idea what I had been in for! The surgery started very early the next morning.
I really donot remember anything up until I woke up in recovery 14 hours later. I remember them saying something about having a tv out and feeling anything slide up out of either my nose or my throat and that I gagged but realized I could not move my mouth. Then I remember a good nurse wiping my lips down using a cold, wet cloth. I was still really groggy and looking back I am uncertain exactly when but sometime after,possibly even the very next dayroughly, from the them wheeling me to my area and ending to get a minute since my dad was therein the hall. I remember him saying something in my experience and walking off and then I heard him sobbing.
Some time after that, after I got to my room and had settled in, I started to feel sick and immediately started vomitting. My mother went out from the room for a nurse. Our teeth were wired shut so that it was somewhat scary nonetheless it all arrived my nose and it was ok. It had been mostly body that had gotten into my stomach during surgery. My mother and the nurse came running in and got me all cleaned up. Thank heavens this was the only real time I remember vomiting with my teeth wired shut!
I was still curious about what I looked like and did not think much of what they were saying until I actually did look in the mirror. It had been quite a shock and it took a minute to understand it was also me I had been looking at. My head was quite swollen, my lips were crusted and soft (from being dried up throughout the surgery), there were bandages all around my head, neck and face and that I had two black eyes. I looked like I had been hit with a pickup or something!
I was inside the clinic a few week and they let me go home. It was a rough ride back but we made it. That next 7 months were positively torture! I felt like I would starve to death. I'd to consume using a syringe with a little tube about it. Our jaws were born so tight that I can barely get that little tube while in the place behind my molars in the back of my mouth. Our meals contains thinned out drinks and in the end I simply stuck with chocolate milk because it was the thing that even tasted right. I had a couple of fainting spells during those 7 months, I assume just from lack of solid food.
On two functions soon after I got in home from obtaining the surgery, I woke during the night panicking because I could hardly breathe through my nose and had to hurry to the ER. The reason why was due to gross, sticky mucous and bits of blood that has been still draining and clotting from your surgery. They'd to force soaked gauze way up into my nose and move it back out (in addition to most of the gross stuff) in order to clear my nose so I can breathe properly.
There after I had to scrub my nose everyday with saline spray. My jaws were born somehow with a plastic bright end between my top and bottom teeth kind of like a cartridge for football players. They had cables stitched up through my braces through that piece really limited (and in addition internal wires that went up into the bones of my face-up toward my cheeks) so I couldn't breathe at all through my mouth.
I finally made it to the evening I got my teeth unwired along with acquiring the plastic splint out of between my bite. It was a bit of meal though it felt quite odd in order to start my mouth again- it is almost like I'd to relearn how to start my mouth but it felt so good to help you to breathe through my mouth again. Immediately after that I had to go to possess the internal wires that ran up through my facial bones to my cheeks removed. They literally needed to be "jerked" out which was quite unpleasant but a doctor was quite content with the end result and thus was I.
Essentially what they did during the surgery was they went in and "broke" my bottom jaw and took bone from my right hip to rebuild it and extend it to match the top one and also from what I understand, did some "breaking" and reconstruction of the most effective jaw and facial bones connecting everything back along with 30 screws and 9 plates (or 9 plates and 30 screws-cannot remember!) and that I also got a chin implant.
youtube
From the time I got my jaws unwired I had been 15 yrs old which started a whole new voyage within my living having a whole new set of difficulties- having such low self worth nonetheless beginning to obtain a lot of new attention mainly from the opposite sex because of the onset of puberty. It had been kind of a formula for problem but I'll get into that in another heart:0) Looking back I do hope I might have gone to counseling after the surgery to aid me conform to the key change that had taken place in my life particularly at that critical age of 15.
Even though it was quite a lot to proceed through, I would do it yet again in another. It was all fully worth it-every single bit of it. Looking back on all of this, I feel the necessity to seriously appreciate my dad and mom for having this surgery done for me as well as for being there for me throughout that time. I can not imagine how my life could be basically had not had it done.
Get acquainted with more about Bothell Weight Loss Surgery
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Text
My Experience with Corrective Jaw Surgery
I recently noticed that Bristol Palin had a corrective jaw surgery. Boy, does that bring up memories for me! I'd corrective jaw surgery years ago. I donot know if hers was as substantial as mine but in any event, it's a life altering experience. Anyway, for all that are serious, I'm pleased to discuss my story along with you.
I had my jaw surgery, more technically called orthognathic surgery, once I was 14 years old. It was really tough to proceed through However It was one of the greatest things my parents have previously done for me. My dad said after I was around 3 years old they began to recognize I'd slightly of an overbite. I assume they probably blew it off working it may get better however it only extended to have worse. My top teeth jutted outward, my upper jaw overlapped my bottom jaw considerably and to top it down, I didnot have a lot of a face.
The main thing from the about those years is how vicious the kids were and just how much it hurt my heart to get to attend school everyday. I cannot even inform you exactly how many times I noticed the labels "bucky bess", "buck teeth" and "bucky". Also my younger brother would tease me. It was really unhappy, when I did not have many friends. The kids would place and whisper, nobody picked me to be on their team. you know how it goes. Kids can be so cruel. Still to this day it makes me sad to think about these experiences.
I had to go through a few years of getting all my baby teeth pulled in order to obtain all my permanent teeth in and lastly when I was 12 years old I got my braces on! The master plan was to get my teeth to be able with all the braces and move on for the surgery. So that it finally got time to acquire my surgery to fix the overbite or even more technically termed malocclusion. I really got lucky and the oral surgeon that I visited called me to Dr. Bell who was situated in Houston using the University of Texas Health Science Center. Our surgery would be a "teaching" form surgery and several doctors in training might attend and I was also told my images (before and afters, images through the surgery) would seem in medical books! We had to produce a couple trips to Dallas to determine this physician to get organized for this surgery. There were many photographs taken of me during this whole process and many issues that first visit. It was decided that the surgery was medically necessary because of my difficulties with not to be able to eat properly and things like that so I was blessed that my parents insurance paid a good part of it.
The day finally got and I was on my solution to Dallas for your actual surgery. From the addressing Parkland Hospital and checking in. That night they really I want to have a pizza delivered to my hospital area since I was not going to be eating anything solid for some time now. I'd NO idea what I was in for! The surgery began very early the next morning.
I really don't remember anything up to I woke up in recovery 14 hours later. I remember them saying anything about taking a pipe out and feeling anything slip up out of either my nose or my neck and that I gagged but realized I couldn't move my mouth. Then from the a pleasant nurse wiping my lips down using a cool, damp cloth. I was still really groggy and looking back I am not sure exactly when but sometime after,maybe even 24 hours laterroughly, from the them wheeling me to my area and stopping for a minute because my dad was there in the hall. I remember him saying anything to me and then walking off and after that I heard him sobbing.
A little while after that, after I got to my bedroom and had resolved in, I begun to feel upset and immediately started vomitting. My mom went from the area for a nurse. Our jaws were wired shut so it was somewhat scary nonetheless it all came out my nose and it was ok. It had been mostly blood that had gotten into my stomach during surgery. My mom and the nurse came running in and got me all cleaned up. Thank heavens this was the sole time from the vomiting with my lips wired shut!
I was still interested in what I looked like and did not think a lot of the things they were saying till I really did look in the mirror. It was quite a shock and it took a moment to appreciate it was actually me I was looking at. My head was quite swollen, my lips were crusted and soft (from being dry out throughout the surgery), there were bandages all over my mind, throat and face and I had two black eyes. I looked like I had been struck by a vehicle or something!
I was in the clinic a couple of week plus they let me go home. It was a rough ride back home but we made it. That next 7 days were absolutely pain! I felt like I'd starve to death. I had to eat having a needle having a little tube onto it. My lips were born so tight that I could hardly get that little tube while in the place behind my molars in the back of my mouth. My meals consisted of thinned out liquids and finally I simply caught with chocolate milk since it was the thing that actually tasted right. I had a number of fainting spells during those 7 weeks, I guess only from not enough solid food.
On two occasions soon after I got back home from obtaining the surgery, I woke during the night panicking because I could not breathe through my nose and had to speed towards the ER. The reason why was due to major, sticky mucous and bits of body that has been still wearing and clotting from the surgery. They had to drive soaked gauze way up into my nose and take it back out (together with all the gross stuff) so that you can clear my nose so I can breathe properly.
After that I'd to clean my nose everyday with saline spray. Our teeth were born somehow having a plastic white end between my top and bottom teeth type of like a mouthpiece for football players. They'd wires stitched up through my braces through that piece really tight (and also central cables that went up in to the bones of my face-up toward my cheeks) so I could not breathe whatsoever through my mouth.
I finally made it to the evening I got my lips unwired in addition to getting the plastic splint out from between my bite. It was a bit of meal though it felt really weird to help you to start my mouth again- it is almost like I had to relearn how to start my mouth but it felt so good in order to breathe through my mouth again. Right after that I'd to attend possess the inner wires that ran up through my facial bones to my cheeks removed. They literally had to be "jerked" out and that was rather uncomfortable but the physician was very satisfied with the end result therefore was I.
Essentially what they did through the surgery was they went in and "broke" my bottom jaw and got bone from my right hip to rebuild it and expand it to complement the very best one and also from what I realize, did some "breaking" and reconstruction of the top mouth and facial bones connecting everything back as well as 30 screws and 9 plates (or 9 plates and 30 screws-can't remember!) and I also got a chin implant.
youtube
By the moment I got my jaws unwired I had been 15 yrs old which began a whole new voyage within my life having a whole new group of challenges- having such low-self confidence however beginning to obtain a lot of fresh attention mainly from your opposite gender because of the beginning of adolescence. It was type of a menu for disaster but I'll go into that in another link:0) Looking back I do wish I might have gone to counseling after the surgery to aid me adapt to the key change that had taken place within my life particularly at that important age of 15.
Even though it was quite a lot to undergo, I'd take action once again in another. It was all fully worth it-every single bit of it. Looking back on all of this, I'm the need to really appreciate my dad and mom for having this surgery done for me as well as for being there for me during that time. I can not imagine how my life would be if I had not had it done.
Get to know more about Bothell Orthognathic Surgery Surgeon
0 notes
Text
My Experience with Corrective Jaw Surgery
I recently heard that Bristol Palin had a corrective jaw surgery. Child, does that talk about thoughts for me! I had corrective jaw surgery years ago. I donot know if hers was as extensive as mine but either way, it's a life altering experience. Anyway, for many who are interested, I am pleased to discuss my story with you.
I'd my chin surgery, more formally named orthognathic surgery, once I was 14 years old. It was really tough to proceed through but It was one of the greatest things my parents have previously done for me. Dad said once I was around 36 months old they begun to observe I had a little bit of an overbite. I suppose they probably blew it off working it may get better but it just extended to get worse. My best teeth jutted outward, my upper jaw overlapped my bottom jaw dramatically and to top it down, I didn't have a lot of a chin.
The most important thing from the about these years is how harsh the youngsters were and how much it hurt my heart to get to visit school every day. I cannot even let you know exactly how many times I heard the labels "bucky bess", "buckteeth" and "bucky". Even my younger brother would tease me. It had been really unhappy, when I didn't have many friends. The children would point and whisper, nobody picked me to be on the team. you know how it goes. Kids can be so cruel. Nonetheless even today it makes me sad to consider those experiences.
I'd to undergo a couple years of having all my baby teeth pulled in order to get all my permanent teeth in and lastly when I was 12 yrs old I got my braces on! The program was to acquire my teeth to be able using the braces and move ahead to the surgery. So it eventually came time to obtain my surgery to correct the overbite or even more technically termed malocclusion. I actually got lucky and the dental surgeon that I visited referred me to Dr. Bell who was located in Houston with the University of Texas Health Science Center. My surgery would have been a "training" form surgery and lots of physicians in education would attend and I was also told my photos (before and afters, pictures throughout the surgery) seems in medical books! We'd to create a pair trips to Dallas to find out this physician to acquire organized for this surgery. There were many photos taken of me during this whole process and lots of questions that first visit. It was decided the surgery was medically necessary due to my problems with not having the ability to eat properly and things like that therefore I was blessed that my moms insurance paid a good percentage of it.
Your day finally got and I was on my approach to Texas for your actual surgery. From the addressing Parkland Hospital and checking in. That night they really allow me to have a pizza sent to my hospital area because I wasn't planning to be eating something stable for some time now. I had NO idea what I had been set for! The surgery began very early the following day.
I really donot remember anything up to I woke up in recovery 14 hours later. I remember them saying anything about having a pipe out and experiencing something slip up out of either my nose or my neck and that I gagged but realized I could not move my mouth. Then I remember a pleasant nurse wiping my lips off with a cold, wet cloth. I was still really groggy and looking back I am uncertain exactly when but a while after,perhaps even the following dayroughly, I remember them wheeling me to my area and ending to get a minute because dad was therein the hall. I remember him saying anything to me and walking down and after that I heard him sobbing.
A while after that, after I got to my room and had completed in, I begun to feel upset and immediately started vomitting. My mother ran from the room to get a nurse. My lips were wired shut so it was somewhat scary nonetheless it all arrived my nose and it was ok. It had been mostly blood that had gotten into my stomach during surgery. My mother and the nurse came running in and got me all cleaned up. Thank goodness it was the sole time I recall vomiting with my jaws wired shut!
I was still interested in what I looked like and did not feel a lot of what they were saying until I actually did try the mirror. It was a significant surprise and it took a moment to appreciate it was even me I had been looking at. My head was very swollen, my lips were crusted and soft (from being dried up during the surgery), there were bandages all over my brain, neck and chin and that I had two black eyes. I looked like I'd been hit by a vehicle or anything!
I was within the hospital in regards to a week plus they allow me to go home. It was a rough ride back but we made it. That next 7 weeks were positively pain! I felt like I would starve to death. I'd to consume using a needle with a little tube about it. Our teeth were wired so tight that I could hardly get that little pipe while in the room behind my molars within the back of my mouth. My meals contained thinned out beverages and finally I simply caught with chocolate milk as it was the only thing that even felt right. I had a number of fainting spells during those 7 months, I suppose just from insufficient solid food.
On two events right after I got in home from having the surgery, I woke at night panicking because I could hardly breathe through my nose and had to run for the ER. The main reason was because of major, sticky mucous and chunks of blood that was still draining and clotting from your surgery. They'd to press soaked gauze way up into my nose and move it back out (together with most of the gross stuff) in order to clear my nose so I can breathe properly.
There after I'd to clean my nose everyday with saline spray. Our lips were sent somehow with a plastic white mouthpiece between my top and bottom teeth sort of such as a cartridge for football players. They'd wires stitched up through my braces throughout that item really small (and also inner cables that went up into the bones of my face up toward my cheeks) so I couldn't breathe whatsoever through my mouth.
I finally made it to the time I got my lips unwired in addition to acquiring the plastic splint from between my bite. It was a bit of meal though it felt really unusual to help you to open my mouth again- it is almost like I'd to relearn how to start my mouth but it felt so good to help you to breathe through my mouth again. Immediately after that I'd to visit have the interior wires that went up through my facial bones to my cheeks removed. They basically needed to be "jerked" out and that was quite painful but the doctor was quite satisfied with the outcome and thus was I.
Essentially what they did through the surgery was they went in and "broke" my bottom jaw and got bone from my right hip to restore it and increase it to complement the top one as well as from what I realize, did some "breaking" and reconstruction of the most effective jaw and facial bones connecting everything back as well as 30 screws and 9 plates (or 9 plates and 30 screws-can not remember!) and I also got a chin implant.
youtube
From the time I got my lips unwired I had been 15 years old which started an entire new trip within my living using a whole new pair of troubles- having such low self worth yet needs to obtain a large amount of fresh interest primarily from the opposite gender due to the onset of puberty. It had been form of a menu for problem but I'll enter that in another heart:0) Looking back I do hope I might have visited guidance following the surgery to aid me adjust to the main change that had occurred in my life particularly at that crucial age of 15.
Even though it was a lot to undergo, I'd take action yet again in another. It was all absolutely worth it-each and every little it. Looking back on all this, I'm the need to seriously appreciate my mom and dad for having this surgery performed for me as well as for being there for me through that time. I can't imagine how my life could be basically had not had it done.
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My Experience with Corrective Jaw Surgery
I recently noticed that Bristol Palin had a corrective jaw surgery. Kid, does that mention thoughts for me! I had corrective jaw surgery years ago. I don't know if hers was as substantial as mine but in any event, it is a life altering experience. Anyway, for several who are serious, I'm pleased to discuss my story with you.
I had my jaw surgery, more technically named orthognathic surgery, after I was 14 years old. It was really rough to undergo but It was among the best things my parents have ever done for me. My dad said when I was around 3 years old they started to discover I'd a little bit of an overbite. I suppose they probably blew it off figuring it could progress however it simply continued to have worse. Our top teeth jutted outward, my upper jaw overlapped my bottom jaw significantly also to top it down, I didn't have much of a chin.
The main thing I recall about those years is how terrible the kids were and just how much it hurt my heart to get to go to school everyday. I can't even inform you how many times I noticed the names "bucky bess", "buckteeth" and "bucky". Even my younger brother would tease me. It had been really lonely, as I didn't have many friends. The youngsters would point and whisper, nobody picked me to be on their team. you know how it goes. Kids can be so cruel. Still even today it makes me sad to consider these experiences.
I'd to undergo a few years of getting all my baby teeth pulled in order to have all my permanent teeth in and finally once I was 12 yrs old I got my braces on! The plan was to have my teeth so as with the braces and proceed for the surgery. Therefore it eventually got time to acquire my surgery to correct the overbite or more technically called malocclusion. I actually got lucky as well as the dental surgeon that I visited referred me to Dr. Bell who had been positioned in Houston using the University of Texas Health Science Center. Our surgery would be a "training" type surgery and lots of physicians in education would attend and that I was also told my images (before and afters, photographs through the surgery) would seem in medical textbooks! We'd to make a couple trips to Dallas to see this doctor to have prepared for this surgery. There have been many pictures taken of me in this whole process and lots of questions that first visit. It was established that the surgery was medically necessary due to my troubles with not to be able to eat correctly and things such as that so I was lucky that my mothers insurance paid a good portion of it.
The afternoon finally came and that I was on my solution to Texas for the actual surgery. From the getting to Parkland Hospital and checking in. That night they really allow me to have a pizza sent to my hospital room because I was not planning to be eating something strong for quite some time. I'd NO idea what I was in for! The surgery began very early the next morning.
I really don't remember something until I woke up in restoration 14 hours later. From the them saying anything about going for a tv out and feeling something slide up from either my nose or my throat and that I gagged but realized I could not move my mouth. Then I remember a nice nurse cleaning my lips down using a cool, damp cloth. I was still really groggy and looking back I am not sure exactly when but sometime after,perhaps even 24 hours laterapproximately, I remember them wheeling me to my area and stopping for a second because dad was therein the hallway. From the him saying anything to me then walking down then I heard him sobbing.
Awhile next, after I got to my place and had resolved in, I started to feel nauseous and immediately started vomitting. My mother ran out of the place to get a nurse. My jaws were wired shut therefore it was somewhat scary nonetheless it all arrived my nose and it was ok. It had been largely blood that had gotten into my stomach during surgery. My mom and the nurse came running in and got me all cleaned up. Thank heavens it was the only time I recall vomiting with my jaws wired shut!
I was still curious about what I looked like and didn't think much of the things they were saying until I really did try looking in the mirror. It had been quite a shock and it got a minute to appreciate it had been actually me I was looking at. My head was quite swollen, my lips were crusted and bloody (from being dried up throughout the surgery), there were bandages throughout my mind, throat and chin and that I had two black eyes. I looked like I had been hit by a pickup or anything!
I was inside the clinic in regards to a week and they let me go home. It was a rough ride home but we made it. That next 7 months were absolutely pain! I felt like I would starve to death. I had to eat having a needle having a small tube about it. Our teeth were wired so tight that I could barely get that tiny pipe in the room behind my molars in the back of my mouth. My meals consisted of thinned out drinks and in the end I recently stuck with chocolate milk as it was the only thing that actually tasted right. I had a number of fainting spells during those 7 days, I assume just from lack of solid food.
On two events immediately after I returned home from getting the surgery, I woke during the night panicking because I could hardly breathe through my nose and needed to rush towards the ER. The main reason was due to gross, sticky mucous and sections of body that has been still draining and clotting from your surgery. They had to force soaked gauze way up into my nose and pull it back out (alongside most of the major material) to be able to clear my nose and so I can breathe properly.
From then on I had to clean my nose daily with saline spray. Our lips were sent somehow with a plastic bright mouthpiece between my top and bottom teeth type of just like a mouthpiece for football players. They had wires stitched up through my braces through that item really tight (and also internal wires that ran up into the bones of my face up toward my cheeks) therefore I could not breathe at all through my mouth.
I finally made it towards the evening I got my teeth unwired in addition to getting the plastic splint from between my bite. It was an item of meal though it felt very odd in order to start my mouth again- it is almost like I'd to relearn how to open my mouth but it felt so good to be able to breathe through my mouth again. Right after that I'd to visit have the interior wires that went up through my facial bones to my cheeks removed. They actually needed to be "jerked" out and that was fairly uncomfortable but the physician was quite satisfied with the results and thus was I.
Basically what they did during the surgery was they went in and "broke" my bottom jaw and took bone from my right hip to reconstruct it and expand it to match the top one and also from what I realize, did some "breaking" and reconstruction of the most effective jaw and facial bones connecting everything back along with 30 screws and 9 plates (or 9 plates and 30 screws-can not remember!) and I also got a chin implant.
youtube
By the moment I got my teeth unwired I had been 15 years of age which began a whole new journey in my own living with a whole new set of troubles- having such low self confidence nonetheless beginning to obtain a large amount of fresh awareness mostly from your opposite sex as a result of onset of adolescence. It was kind of a formula for disaster but I'll enter that in another link:0) Looking back I do wish I could have attended guidance after the surgery to aid me conform to the main change that had taken place within my life particularly at that important age of 15.
Though it was quite a lot to undergo, I'd do it once again in a second. It was all fully worth it-each and every bit of it. Looking back on all this, I feel the requirement to significantly appreciate my mom and dad for having this surgery performed for me and for being there for me during that time. I can not imagine how my life would be easily hadn't had it done.
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just go?
March 17th-19th, 2017
Oh jeez. This is going to be one hell of a post. And I guess I should probably apologize for the profanities before I write this—just know, that this Sarah, present, 2017, March whatever Sarah, has of late, really not minded running her mouth, with any of her friends. It’s typically a lot worse when in the company of oh, say, Nora Hixson and Austin Gray—more specifically, in the hot town of Houston, Texas. BUT! I am trying my best to refrain! I’ve let the eff word, couple of “shit’s” pass my lips when in the household/company of children under the ages of 13, (Luke Hixson), and certain parental whose opinions I value very much, (Mr. and Mrs. Whittle,) so, in short, I’m trying very hard to do better. But, what I mean is, I just don’t care. Say whatever the fuck you want. It’s not a big deal. Just fucking do it. Which leads me to a rash decision that let a certain bestfriend and I to do just that—just fucking do it, why not. You wanted excitement in life. You’ve never been to a technical “party”. What could be the harm? Aha! Okay, god, where do I even start?! I feel like I’ve already explained this, exasperated much of the details, which is often why I don’t like writing stuff down. I already said it once, enough, why spend all the time to repeat it and write it. Well, because, it was sort of a beautiful thing in a way!
This is the first time you got drunk! The first time, you were drunk! You sat in that house with some of the people you’ve heard Susy mention, probably dozens of times, and you saw those two British model boys with your own two eyes, and shook each of their hands. You saw the way Isaac’s eyes stared into your own, and leaned in over his seat because maybe he couldn’t actually hear you because the music was so loud, or maybe more of because he wanted to be closer to you. These are things that you should remember! I can’t believe this happened. It felt like a foggy little dream, and yet, it’s not even that big of a deal. Right? It felt like it, the day after, like suddenly we were these party girls, and we were waiting to reap the consequences of smeared make-up and embarrassed glancing, and possible headaches—I mean, what even are hangovers? What do they do to you?! There were shining green and red lights, that came from only one device of its own, but it sprayed the lights all the way up to the ceiling. Susy, Bragan (Chloe’s friend), and I had the misfortune to have that little light-device shine in our eyes with where we sat, but Evan, (Susy’s suuuper tall cousin, a quiet dude, but very kind, and the one Bragan liked,) shielded it for us kindly. Joe and Evan didn’t drink. I wasn’t even planning on it.
Isaac asked me if I wanted a beer, after our very awkward hellos in a circle blocking the dark hallway where the bathroom was—trading names and shaking hands, and me shaking Nick Lubin’s (british) older brother’s hand for too long, I think? And leaning in closer than anyone else had to say my name? Fuck I just felt fucking god awkward, like he had seemed to have trouble getting everyone’s name over the music, so I thought I was being helpful, but I realized how probably weird that came off (did he really think I was weird?) like for fuck’s sake I just met him, but I legitimately wasn’t trying to do anything. Fuck it. Fuck first impressions. They’re such bullshit fucking madshit god. Let’s just say, he didn’t talk to me the rest of that night. Nor look me in the face. I think I kind of just disappeared like nothing in that guy’s mind later. I have no fucking clue. BUT. Someone’s mind who I did not disappear out of! Was Isaac Snyder’s! Like what the actual fucking fuck? What even happened!!!!!!! First, it was one beer, and I was trying my absolute fucking damndest to drink that thing, and at least get a little buzzed. The taste wasn’t bad at first, but it quickly got worse. With very sip it was like sizzling, I don’t even know, lightly flavored seltzer water? Bubbly, I don’t even know?
First, it was one shot. A little bit of time had passed, and Susy and I were just trying to look calm, and comfortable. But it was hardly so. Oh no, in the internal mind of a self-conscious teenager, we were flipping out. Thinking of every aspect. How does my face look at this angle? Do I look relaxed enough? Body language? Let me just keep engaging Susy in stupid-ass conversation, screw the topic, just to look like I’m talkative or friendly or whatever the shit. Everyone else was talking. What were we supposed to do? He brought me a shot. Said we should do one, and I was very, very hesitant. I basically said no, but once I realized that Susy and Bragan might’ve wanted to do one afterwards too, I felt better. Their eyes kind of lit up honestly. Like Susy’s—hey, maybe this means we get to drink for the first time? Well boy was she right. I took it. I thought it would be horrible. I was remembering the one we were trying to do with Susy and Sawyer the other week, but that was disgusting. Straight vodka. Scarred me for life. This would be just the same. Instead, it went down so easily. So confidently; I didn’t gulp or slurp, nothing spilled, drizzling on my chin. I just tilted up and back, and reveled in that hot feeling down my neck and in my chest. And it was some damn good whiskey. I had no fucking clue what kind of alcohol that was, but clearly, it was damn good, because I didn’t choke. It was fantastic.
Then Bragan and Susy took theirs. Susy hated it, shook her head a few times. Honestly, I don’t fucking remember how we kept on going after that. I don’t remember how I suddenly had a second. I think within like a moment or two after I had my first, Isaac was pouring me my second. I think I took that one pretty fast, I honestly don’t remember. I think Susy probably took one with me?! Then the third one we had… It was definitely vodka. Or it was another strong something, but it was so, so very gross. Another was like a cherrywine color, like grape juice. I remember asking over and over “what is this? What is this?” because I was like, what? What kind of strong liquor is colored/flavored? They don’t do that? Oh no. It was like grape vodka. Something of that sort. REALLY gross. Did not appreciate that one. Susy and I both did that one. Somewhere beside me Isaac was probably doing them too, in-between his stand-up, sit-downs, dance like a fucking dork for a second, watch Spencer Campbell dance for a second, people traded seats beside me, Spencer sat there and we talked for like a few milliseconds, I don’t remember. More kept coming. I was up to like five and feeeeeeling it. I remember looking at Susy, asking if she “felt” it, and she said something like, “oh yeah. I definitely don’t feel right. I think I am drunk.” Throughout the shots we would do like a “stand-up test”, because through like four I was start to doubt I could maybe stand. It was that dizzying. World spinning. I don’t even fucking remember man. Sometimes Susy was leaning over talking to Evan and Bragan, (like after I had come back from the bathroom. I had just breathed in there. Peed really fast, because I remember now being paranoid that someone would come in really fast and just see me with my pants off and vagina and all peeing, and how that was probably such a normal thing at parties, so maybe I would experience that sensation, and maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal because that’s normal,) and I’d look at Isaac and I’d ask him something, because he was to my right, and Susy wasn’t talking to me. For some reason I always had to be talking. Sort of.
I wondered all night if we were going to kiss that night. I really did. He touched me shoulder a few times, whether it was while he was asking me a question or something. He would brush past me, I don’t really know. But he was very intent with me. And within the first moment, totally sober, he offered me the beer and shot, Bragan whispered to Susy and I knew there was something fishy. He’s liked me before?! Isaac?!?!?!?!? Well. He did bring me that bouquet of flowers, backpacking, prayer leap-frog, all that time ago. I knew he was probably sweet on me then. But I just broke up with his best friend?!?!!??!?!?!?!? He hated me, he probably hated me a lot, he and Philip, right????? Like what the actual /fuck/????? Over and over again, “I’m really glad you came tonight Sarah.” I kept thinking about all those dark rooms in the hall, and what it would be like if I had went to the bathroom at just the right time, or “admired some of the pictures on the wall”, while Isaac just so happened to be perfectly meandering around there, too. Maybe it would be like that thing where we slink into that room, or we’re kind of standing there, standing into each other’s eyes, and everyone else is distracted enough that I pull him into just the dark doorway, and we could kiss there so it wasn’t so obvious. How ridiculous? Why the fuck was I thinking these things? And why the fuck have I been missing Philip like a fucking prick these past few days, hours, legit minutes???? Like a fucking prick! (I think it’s dick, haha.)
All I know, is being drunk, that, kind of drunk, was very fun. I enjoyed it quite a bit, and there’s like this new stupid side to Sarah and it’s going to be hard to quiet her. I know what it’s like. I know the kickback vibe. And I want to be a part of it. I find it so, relaxing and easing, and so honest, but so ridiculous, so fucking ridiculous it’s stupid. It’s laughable. But enjoyable. Drunk Sarah and Susy kept saying over and over how much we didn’t want to leave, (once Evan said that Joe had announced that we should leave soon,) in our very chill, drunk way. It wasn’t like whining. We were just like, “nah man, we feel good. This is good. We’re feeling good and we like this. Why did we have to go,” kind of thing. Fucking. If Susy wasn’t such a fucking fast pee-er, which I fucking know she does on purpose, she didn’t want to leave anything, she didn’t want to leave any situation and she didn’t want to leave me, but most of all she knew Isaac was acting weird and that was like obviously annoying her or something, so she like rush-peed when we were all home and Isaac was with me in the dark. I had stumbled out to “wait in line” to pee with Susy, but Isaac appeared, and I knew he would. I was getting/drinking water, but he appeared. And it was fucking dark, and all I could see was his crazy hair everywhere, but he was shirtless (when is he not) and getting closer to me, we were talking, and I think I was like dying inside. Some fucking knowledgeable part of me still fucked up brain calculated that Susy’s peeing would not go on slow enough for us to share a possible kiss, (which, in this instance, I wanted to do.) It was a really fucking romantic setting. I was standing by the kitchen window with the moonlight, and that’s all how I could see him. And he was shirtless, and huge, and his voice was low, and croaky. And I knew he was coming closer, and I knew he wanted to kiss, or something, but I kind of just kept moving, and it felt like fucking two seconds went by and Susy is rushing out of the door and we’re kind of backing up like we did nothing. I didn’t really talk, except for answer his repetitive questions of, “did you have a good time though?” and the “I’m really glad you came tonight, Sarah”.
In conclusion, Isaac Snyder may or may not have a little crush on me, and I just want to be over at Susy’s so I can test and play and watch this little thing unfold. I’m such an unkind bitch, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.I wished I would have kissed him, but have it had been a total secret, and no one would have known, still, to this day. I wished we could’ve slunk back in that hallway. I wish I had never broken up with Philip. He looked huge when I saw him, the day I got drunk. He ran out, hugged, said my hair looked cool, and Susy and I left to shop. I wish he could text me and say something really sweet, like “hey, I still really treasure you, and we should still stay close.” I wish I could tell him how much I fucked up. And how much that kept me up last night. Isaac kept me up last last night. But Philip was last night. I got a little drunk. Susy and I concluded her: five and a half shot, roughly. Me: six and a half, roughly. Is that lightweight? Heavy weight? I feel like I could do more now. I don’t know. I want to do more now. I don’t know. A nice big party. Maybe that’s what I need. I don’t know man. I don’t know.
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