#but bangalore is just like 'lovely

[sapphic-woes]

My urge to write an angsty fic about the mess of Loba x Bangalore x Valkyrie is..................strong. The fics are feeding me but I want Valkyrie to W A L L O W in insecurities and Loba to understand she needs to get her priorities straight and stop obsessing over Revenant (just kill him???? Lmao) and Bangalore to, now that Jackson's here, look back on her relationship with Loba to mend and think abt how she isn't Immune to Valkyrie's arrogant facade that clearly hides her puppy personality inside

[artcinemas]

i hate those couple reels weird stuff people do but then i realise i am also partaking in many things that people call cringe so what is really the point of the hate? why hate when you can literally have rose sharbath?

[lettucedloophole]

dream logic is so funny because sometimes i'll be aware that i'm dreaming but still operate within the logic of the dream? for example i had this dream of like this bloodhound (apex legends) scp thing where part of bloodhounds SOUL or SOMETHING was a tree that had this disturbing face on it, switched between owl like and just .. distorted, and the tree killed people. and i was aware that i was dreaming, so i thought "OMG this bloodhound spooky concept is so cool i need to remember it when i wake up so i can write it and make it real!!!!"

problem is when i remembered it upon waking... i realised that's not that cool 😭 it's just kinda strange LMAO. dreams are so intense because you're living them and stuck in living them, trapped in your mind. this is frustrating because when i describe a nightmare or dream i had it may sound tame if you imagine it, because you can't emphasize the sheer feeling and immersion that goes into dreams.

an interesting thing that happens sometimes in my dreams, mostly nightmares, is that if something particularly disturbing is happening, it will become embedded in the fact of the dream that i'm in a game. either it begins as real life and fades into a game or it's a disturbingly realistic game from the start. this happens a lot with my zombie dreams. for example, i dreamt of playing cod zombies with my dad but it was first person. and not fps, i mean I Was In The Game. i feel my subconsious establishes the fact it is a game in the dream to protect me from feeling more fear, because i can respawn and even if it's scary and it hurts and i die, it's not really real. i think it's neat that my brain tries to protect me in this way.. the benefits of being a Gamer, i suppose.

so if you have nightmares... try gaming to the point where the mechanics embed themselves into your dreams! the positive ones, tho. lol

[octuscle]

Halloween party “Road to Bangalore”

“What do you say I go as an Indian prince?” Clive rolled his eyes. His roommate Parker was a real narcissist. In love with himself to the tips of his toes. Parker only knew about lectures and the library from hearsay. He was actually only to be found in the gym and at cosmetics. The fact that he wasn't collecting any credits for his bachelor's degree? Never mind. If need be, his old man would simply buy him university. Parker's parents were supposedly immensely rich. No wonder Parker could buy anything. The jewels he was adorned with at the Helloween party were probably all real. Freshly bought. Or from his mother's jewelry box, who had once been a famous Hollywood diva. The pigeon egg-sized red ruby that adorned Parker's turban was said to be possessed by an even more powerful curse than the Hope Diamond. Allegedly, unlike its previous owners, it had survived the All Saints' quake in Lisbon, the sinking of the Lusitania, the crash of the Hindenburg and the Great Chicago Fire. Parker didn't care about such stories. He was all about the ahhs and ahhs when he walked into the room. Luckily for him, in 1988 there were no discussions about cultural appropriation and the like. Tonight, all that mattered was glitz and glamor. And that Parker had sex at the end of the evening. Clive knew the game. Once again, no one would be good enough for his roommate. And in the end he would have to fuck him.

Of course, the oohs and ahhs Parker had expected were there. He was the star of the party. The photographer who took pictures of the guests was almost exclusively busy taking pictures of Parker with other guests. Clive, who wore a relatively inconspicuous Tarzan costume, was virtually invisible despite his athletic body. He knew that. Next to Parker, everyone else was invisible unless they stood directly in the radiant light that surrounded Parker. And Clive only stood in this light for a few seconds at a time when he was allowed to bring Parker a drink. Parker's mood got worse and worse. On the one hand because he was getting drunker and drunker. And when he was drunk, he got in a bad mood. And on the other hand, because no one met his high standards as a stud for the night. And the drunker he was, the higher his standards became.

It was 2:00 a.m. when Clive took the initiative. It was time to go home. Parker was drunk and becoming increasingly obnoxious. Clive pushed his way through the equally inebriated crowd to the hall phone and called a cab. The lady at the taxi company promised that a car would be there in ten minutes. Clive pulled the slurring Parker out of a group of admirers, put his coat on him and walked him outside. It was chilly. Hopefully that'll sober him up a bit before sex, Clive thought to himself as he lit a cigarette. Unfortunately, the taxi arrived too Until he started snoring. Oh shit, Clive thought. Parker was a big guy. He wouldn't be able to get him up the stairs by himself. Again, he made eye contact with the driver. The driver winked. They understood each other without words.

They had laboriously taken Parker to their room and laid him on his bed. They had taken off his costume. Clive asked if the cab driver could put the costume on. He would like to see it on a real Indian. His Tarzan loincloth lifted with his boner. The Indian cab driver looked stunning. They kissed passionately. The Indian prince turned his back on Clive. They understood each other again without words. A little later, the tinkling of jewelry, moans, the slap of sweaty skin on sweaty skin and the snoring of Parker could be heard. After Clive and the cab driver collapsed exhausted on the bed and Clive massaged the cum that had spurted onto the Indian chest into his chest hair, he thought why he didn't have a normal roommate. And why Parker, this arrogant creep, didn't finally stop living in a perpetual party, in a fantasy world. In a just world, Parker would work hard for a living. And Clive would share a room in the student dormitory with the cute Indian cab driver.

Parker Kumar's parents had been fans of a TV series called “Parker Lewis” in the 1980s. He kept thinking to himself what a silly first name Parker was. It didn't matter, he had been given the nickname “Balu” in the gym at some point and he got through life with that name. In Bangalore, he had graduated with honors. If only he had stayed there. He could certainly have had a better career than becoming a team leader on the helpdesk here. A shitty job! And because he was the only one with a company cell phone, he had to work everywhere and at all times. He had actually just been on his way to the gym. The only place he wanted to be Baloo the bear. But one of those dumbass tie-wearers had been too stupid again to install an update. So he had called Baloo. And Baloo was there. Tonight he had dreamt that he was a stone-rich Indian prince. He sighed… The only filthy rich Indian prince he knew was Clive's husband, the CEO of the company. Well, at least he had been allowed to suck both of their cocks before. And since then, at least he'd had an iPhone as his work phone.

Pics by @ki-kink

[orgasming-caterpillar]

F1 Drivers As Desi Boys

A.K.A. The F1 grid as Indian guys

Also, I will be writing an entire chatfic about this AU on ao3, so stay tuned ;)

Charles Leclerc — “Charlie”

I think he would be from Mumbai. But like, he lived in the very high-end part of it so it's very hard to know right off the bat.

I just KNOW he studied abroad, okay? Italy or Canada I think. Look at his face— you just know he's the kinda guy people see on the street and think “angrej”

Speaks Hindi with a subtle but insufferable white guy accent. He can't even help it, that's just how he speaks. He once called Max “bhenchod” with the most authentic, desi accent when he was mad and they have all beaches in that high ever since.

Dropped out of university in his last year and came back to India to handle his dad's business after his dad's death.

Fell in love with the hot employee and made him the manager. Everyone knows Carlos got the position by sleeping with the new young hot boss but they stay silent to avoid getting fired.

Now lives in the same complex in Mumbai as Carlos, Max, Lando and others. Lives with his mother, two brothers and a dog.

Leo is a recurring guest in every society event no matter what. Shanta aunty ki kitty party? He's invited. Children playing cricket below? He is the referee. Security guard's dad died? Arthi Leo hi utha raha hai.

Best friends with Pierre. went to the same school as him in his childhood.

Not friendly at ALL with Max.

Carlos Sainz— “Mirchi”

Marathi Mulga for sure

Maula Mere Maula king of guy

His ass should be in a TV serial

Was a regular office worker before he fucked down his boss and now he's the manager. And, well, a win is a win, right?

His parents were kind of homophobic before he became the manager. It's hilarious, actually.

He has such a good voice. If you catch him singing one of the old bollywood songs of Lata Mangeshkar or Muhammad Rafi, consider yourself blessed by the gods.

Knows how to cook since he lives alone

Literally the guy every aunty dreams of marrying their daughter to. Manager of his office. Cooks. Cleans. Respects his elders. Funny. Charming. Every time he and Charles go out at least one middle aged person has asked Carlos if he's married yet and frankly, as his boyfriend who's Right There, Charles is pretty offended.

Have y'all seen the pictures of him in those button up shirts and trousers? The eyes that make Rahat Fateh Ali Khan songs play in your ear every time you look into them? So desi husband material

Best friends with Lando, basically brothers with his they are with each other

Like any best friend, he does NOT like Lando's boyfriend

Max Verstappen— “JATT DON'T CARE 💪🔥💯”

From Haryana

The M in Max stands for Mharo Balam Thanedar Chalawe Gypsy— jkjk

Some say he's aggressive, hot headed, quick tempered; some say he's just Haryanvi.

Is in a psychosexual homoerotic rivalry with Charles and is in denial because of his internalised homophobia.

His dad and Charles’ dad were business partners and now they're always wanting to one up another in the family businesses.

Talking about his father— his dad is very rich and also a typical Haryanvi dad. Bapu sehat ke liye haanikarak type shit.

His father made him do kushti when he was younger and Charles still teases him about it

Will randomly infodump about his father whenever the opportunity presents itself

Married

With how he usually is and what his childhood was like, you'd think he'd be a horrible father but you're WRONG

Everyone loves his daughter Prithvi, or P, for short.

They love spoiling her. Every year on her birthday she gets so many gifts it takes her two days just to open them.

Funnily enough, she once “betrayed” him by saying her favourite was Charlie Uncle.

I just think it would be so funny if he drove a Toyota Fortuner.

Lando Norris— “Lassan 🧄”

From Bangalore

Youtuber. Makes videos for every one of his channels religiously. Has a channel for gaming, another for vlogs, another for shorts and somehow manages them all while uploading reels and posting on Instagram???

He's a university student but nobody knows it because he's always posting videos so they just think he's a full time youtuber

“Shares a room” with Oscar, who is his boyfriend, by the way. You'd never guess. (that is a fucking lie. If you watch even one of his livestreams you'd know that they have explored each other's bodies. He's always “dekho guys Oscar aa gaya 😄😄😄” bro you're not fooling anyone)

Has his own merchandise. His designs are always so cool that they sell out before they're properly out.

Will probably make his own content team when he graduates

He once slipped on the desi toilet while travelling and Carlos made a reel about it. It is one of his most famous reels and Lando will absolutely ignore you if you talk about it.

Kinda fuckboyish???? Like he gives off the vibes of the kinda boy that only texts you past midnight and says shit like “what are you wearing? ;)” Like thank god he has a boyfriend or he would single handedly destroy the faith in love of every girl in a 5 kilometre radius

Oscar Piastri— “gora pakora”

From Goa

Frequently shows up on Lando's videos and livestreams

Studying engineering and living with Lando, basically taking care of him because of course he is

Regular victim of Lando's youtube shenanigans. Gets pranked one too many times every other day.

Has this kind of dead stare where he's just 😐 until Lando comes and annoys (see: kisses or pranks) him

Gets asked “bhai tu kabhi kuch bolta kyu nahi hai” so frequently he should just write “pata nahi yaar” on his face.

Has strong beef with Carlos. Do not talk about that man in front of him. Now this is really inconvenient because Carlos is Lando's bEsT FrIeNd iN tHe WoRlD

There beef started when Lando cried because he missed Oscar and Carlos showed up to Oscar's parents house asking him to square the fuck up. His parents —poor them they don't even know their son is gay— were left to wonder why their son was on a video call with his roommate OUTSIDE in the middle of winter vacation while a strange man cussed him the fuck out.

Lando can and will and DOES make him do silly dance trends with him on Instagram reels

Best friend is Logan, who studies engineering with him. You don't know how much you can depend on someone else until you're an IISER student and they're the only good friend you have.

Daniel Ricciardo— “Paaji”

From Chandigarh

Y'all remember Sodhi from Tarak Mehta Ka Ulta Chashma? Yeah. Him.

No one knows how he's able to control Max. Literally his best friend. Max will always have a resting bitch face but when Danny paaji is there he's all “😆😆😂😂🤣🤣” like bro 😐

I just know he would randomly say “oye balle balle balle balle balle” for no reason other than to annoy people. I just know it.

Actually works very hard and always helps people, but he's such a troll that people just think he's some unemployed youtuber with a prank channel

Absolute party animal. Do not ever in front of him mention that you're free that night.

George Russell— “nazuk kali”

From Delhi

Graphic designer. Edits Lando's videos for nim. Studies computer science.

Shared a room with Alex Albon and Logan Sargeant. Their relationship status is very complex. I'm not saying that they're a throuple, I'm not saying that they're friends. What I'm saying is that they're so dependent on each other I don't think they could function alone anymore. These three idiots make a full functional human being together. George cleans the house, Alex does the cooking and Logan does the laundry and the dishes. They manage, thanks.

George Russell is the type of guy to say “ghar pe maa behen nahi hai kya?” When he sees a girl getting catcalled.

George Russell is the type of guy to say “aapko kahin lagi to nahin?” When he bumps into someone.

George Russell is the type of guy to cover his mouth and say “uff” when he eats something spicy on accident.

On that note, George absolutely cannot handle his spice. Never bit into a raw green chilli willingly in his entire life.

You just know he eats the meethi pani puri with the red chutney and all.

Thinks momos are better than pani puri (he's wrong).

Closes his eyes and covers his ears when a condom ad or a spicy movie scene comes on the TV

Very pale because he rarely leaves his room (which— he's a computer science major, come on)

Lewis Hamilton— “dac saab”

From Kozhikode (Kerala)

Fashion influencer, gets brand deals all the time. Always promoting this brand or that.

Also actually a veterinary doctor with his own dog clinic.

Has a youtube channel where heostly makes affordable fashion tips etc but also posts the dogs at his clinic from time to time.

Spent a lot of years in South Delhi where he fell in love with a guy when he was a teenager but when he eventually moved back to Kozhikode they fell out of contact. Now he’s moved to Mumbai as he opened up a new clinic there and doesn't even know that he actually lives in the same goddamn building as the guy he fell in love with 20 years ago back in South Delhi.

I think y'all can already guess who the guy was, but if you can't (shame on you) it's Nico Rosberg.

Had a wife but she cheated so they divorced or something idk how do you justify a 40 year old guy being unmarried in India?

Loves his dogs more than anything, if there's a dog at his clinic that he can't save he will be sad for days.

Speaks Hindi in a voice that's like three octaves lower than his usual voice. Thinks he sounds bad but he sounds so damn hot.

Nico Rosberg— “thi ek.”

From South Delhi

News anchor for sure. Has a sadness in his eyes that makes you wonder if he ever got over the heartbreak he had at 19 (he did not)

Most people think his hair is dyed (it is not) because he's a chapri (he might be)

Legends say that the only time he has been seen with a smile on his face on TV was when he was talking about his childhood best friend.

The reason he doesn't anchor for any of the big or daresay political news channels is because they don't like how he compares international disputes to the fight he had with his best friend when he was 19.

Regularly travels to other metropolitan cities for news coverings (mainly sports) but lives in Mumbai for majority of the time.

In fact, lives in the same building as Lewis. The fact that they haven't run into each other in the elevator yet is a miracle (or a curse).

Will talk about love and heartbreak to anyone who would listen. You know those boys who say “thi ek” whenever someone tries to talk to them about love? Yeah that's him.

Married and has two daughters that he loves very much.

No pets because they remind him too much of Lewis.

Sebastian Vettel— “Chacha”

From Delhi

Lives in Mumbai with his wife.

Best friends with Lewis, knows everything about him and Nico.

Kind of a father figure to Charles.

The beloved colony uncle that always has the wildest stories ever. Catch him at the tea stall and just get him talking— you will be a changed man when he is done.

“Aur phir uska accident ho gaya aur usne apna haath kho diya, to uski manghetar ki family ne unse rishta tudwa liya. Jiske baad uski manghetar ki sagai mujhse hui aur phir hamari shaadi hui or shayad aaj bhi wo akela hi ek haath se apna hila raha hai bechara”

“...”

You would think considering how sweet he is, he was always this sweet but NO, this man was a MENACE.

Everyone who knew him before he got married wants him dead even now after all the years.

Fernando Alonso— "Kaka"

From Jaipur

The exact opposite of Sebastian.

The old man you see on the side of the road with paan in his mouth and a gaali on his lips

Also tells you stories from his youth and they're just as interesting but he's so arrogant about it that you're no longer interested in listening five minutes in no matter how interesting the story is

The kind of old man who sees children playing in the streets and starts acting like an overly invested referee for no reason.

Goes to the park in the morning at the same time as Sebastian but unlike him, Fernando does not let the joy and whimsy of life have any effect on him making you wonder why he's there at all

Lance Stroll— “vegan wali diet almond wala ghee 😌💅”

From South Bombay

Ameer baap ki bigri aulad

“What do you mean I can't buy the whole store?”

Y'all remember that “Mawn, terew paaw ki jewtie maawwww” girl??? Yeah

Sonam Kapoor is jealous of how much better he is at being a nepo baby

Logan Sargeant— “ye bhi thik hai”

Lives with George and Alex

From Goa

Thank god he does because he would not be surviving otherwise

Might have feelings for his roommates but all he knows how to do is wash the dishes and the clothes and he doesn't wanna die of hunger so he's silent.

Except maybe in front of Oscar but that's his best friendddd

Studying computer science too

Alex Albon— “dhokla4lifer”

From Gujarat

I might be projecting a bit but as someone who fucking LOVES dhokla, I don't see any reason as to why Alex should not.

Cooks for his two roommates, and always cooks so good.

Dhokla on Sundays and a tiffin box full of thepla and aam ka aachar whenever one of them is travelling home

Studying history and geography

Yuki Tsunoda— “momo wale bhaiya”

From Dehradun

Do not call him momo wale bhaiya. He can and will kill you.

Actually does love cooking

Has his own restaurant near the university campus

Pierre Gasly— “tantar mantar”

From West Bengal

Tired of everyone's “kaala jaadu” jokes.

Charles’ best friend and confidante.

Gossip girls. They have all the tea on everyone in the uni.

“Bokachoda”

Does sports.

Final year law student

Esteban Ocon— “Pierre's ex (he is NOT)”

From Odisha

Has beef with Pierre.

Will argue about anything from the origin of roshogulla to the state's contribution in the fight for freedom of the country.

Also final year law student

Extras—

Sergio Perez from Bihar

K Mag from Kashmir (haha get it? Because he's a track terroris—)

Nico Hulkenburg from Kashmir too

Valtteri Bottas from The Andaman Nicobar islands or something idk he shows so much ass it's unreal

Zhou Guanyu from Meghalaya

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Morning News with Asmi 14 Oct '24

OOPS I FORGOT TO MAKE A POST YESTERDAY AND SO I GUESS 13TH OCTOBER WILL REMAIN A MYSTERY FOREVER. AAAAAA. ANYWAY HI IT'S TECHNICALLY MORNING OF 15TH TODAY BUT IT'S TOO EARLY TO CARE IT'S 14TH IN TEXAS MMKAY.

1. HURRICANE UPDATE: PEOPLE ARE NOW SHIPPING THE TWO HURRICANES. THERE'S FANART BASED ON THE VAGUE FACE SHAPES THEY MADE?? EVERYTHING IS FINE.

2. I MANAGED TO SURVIVE A VERY SMALL BIT OF THE SPICIEST CHIP IN THE WORLD EVEN THOUGH MY FRIEND WHO LIKES SPICY FOOD ATE THE SAME SIZE TEENY BIT.

3. THE BIRD, REDDIT, FLEW BACK HOME TO ITS HUMANS ON SUNDAY?? ITS HUMANS WERE THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS FOR THE PLOT NEXT DOOR? SO... THE BIRD JUST WANTED A GODDAMN NIGHT AWAY AS A HOLIDAY WHILE ITS HUMANS WERE SEARCHING FRANTICALLY FOR IT?? IM

4. MY FRIEND INTRODUCED ALIEN STAGE TO ME LAST NIGHT (YEAH THREE OF US JUST RANDOMLY HAD A SLEEPOVER ON A MONDAY EVENING ART SCHOOL IS FINE WE'RE FINE) AND AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH IVAN MY BELOVED AAAAAH SUA AAAAA MIZI (FOR OUR PRINTMAKING CLASS, THE FRIEND--THE SAME ONE WHO THOUGHT TUMBLR WAS DEAD--MADE FANART OF THEM) OH NAAAAAAY CLEMATISSS AAAA

5. NORTH KOREA IS ABOUT TO ATTACK SOUTH KOREA APPARENTLY?

6. SOMEONE NAMED DAVID ALABA HAD AN INJURY WHICH MIGHT AFFECT HIS CHANCES AS REAL MADRID. WHAT THE FUCK IS REAL MADRID? FOOTBALL? CAR RACING? BASKETBALL? YAHTZEE?

7. I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO PLAY UNO AND I WON THE FIRST PROPER GAME I PLAYED AND IT WAS OF UNO FLIP IM A GENIUS

AND NOW FOR THE WEATHER AND I SWEAR I WILL NOT FORGET ANY CONTINENTS THIS TIME

1. Australia: Hot and stinky. Just like me. I didn't shower yesterday.

2. Asia: Wet. Water. Wet wet sploosh. But not the ao3 way.

3. North America: Hurricane gay porn season I guess.

4. South America: Cloudy with a chance of moqueca.

5. Antarctica: ...still green. I wonder why my brain said piss-coloured. Green isn't piss. I mean. Piss isn't green. It's too early for this.

6. Europe: COZ IT'S TOO COLD FOR YOU HERE AND NOW SO LET ME HOLD BOTH YOUR HANDS IN THE HOLES OF MY SWEATER

7. Africa: The sun peeks out uwu from clouds

AND THE ANSWERS TO SATURDAYS CROSSWORD:

1. Baby food that adults can be allergic to: Milk. Well. It's not an allergy, it's an intolerance. Which involves different biological processes and not being able to digest it rather than the body reacting to an allergen. Shhhh. I never claimed to be smart.

2. Makes shitty copper: El-Nair (thanks @arkytiorlecter for that wild ride)

3. A condition that causes strong reactions to panic and pain at certain sounds: Misophonia (ily mad thanks for educating me @falling-raine)

4. A decaying virtual room of insanity orgies from the 10's: Tumblr

5. With ____, anything is possible: BARBIE!

IM TOO LAZY TO MAKE A CROSSWORD SO INSTEAD HAVE THE LESBIANS I PAINTED FOR MY PRINT-MAKING (MY OC'S)

AND BANGALORE PALACE WHICH I VISITED ON SUNDAY:

I LOVE YOU FORGIVE ME FOR MY NEGLIGENCE HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY/NIGHT MAGGOTS OF MINE

[creatingnikki]

things to remember in 2023

goodbye emo era, goodbye empath era, goodbye all you eras that have been putting others + emotions at the center of everything. hello self-serving era. self-serving, not selfish. see, more accurate vocabulary can make all the difference. 

choose people who choose you. bare minimum is not impressive. it’s only an indicator that hmmm maybe I can explore what something with this person could lead to. it’s the basic eligibility criteria for opening up your time/schedule to someone, not heart. only time. 

new people don’t need to know life stories and trauma from before 2018. if you want to talk about it just write about it, write it into your book. 

do not listen to your parents. I mean this in the most respectful possible way. you are an adult now, you make your own decisions. because 20 years from now if you are sad and miserable and hating your life and you tell them hey it’s because you made me la la la chances are they are going to turn around and be like nobody forced you, you were an adult, you made your own decisions. so just make your own decisions. and they would be right. like just dodge the emotional manipulation and the drama and the guilt and lack of validation from them for a bit and go ahead and do things you want to in your life. and you already have daddy issues, right? pacify them in bed or something idk. just make your own bloody decisions independent of what your family/others expect of you.

explore more Hindi music. 

channelize certain things you’ve seen in most men around you. channelize compartmentalization. channelize binary problem solving. channelize cutting your losses and exiting at the right time from romantic situations that do not have any future no matter how much you feel for them in the present. 

do not force yourself to write fiction. maybe you don’t want to create stories. maybe you just want to write down what you already know. maybe you just want to write creative non-fiction. why is that a bad thing? don’t you think it’s time to let go of the ideas you have hyper-romanticized and see things for what they really are and then work with them? 

dating apps are not where you will find love. hook-ups, maybe. but drama-free hook-ups? yeah, not quite sure about that either. let’s just go back to how we were before? let’s just focus on our life and believe that love will happen if and when it’s supposed to? 

self-dates must make a return. you found that amazing second-hand bookseller next to your home and your favourite cafe from Bangalore is now in Mumbai and so many new art galleries are opening up around and when was the last time you went to Marine Drive and maybe it’s time to sneak into your college to go have your favourite food again from the canteen and maybe after work you can stay around and explore the popular bars and maybe you can find a post office next to your new apartment so you can start sending letters and packages to your best friend again. I know, I know 2022 was a year of such dramatic highs that gave you such adrenaline rush that coming back to things that were more grounded and brought you joy seems difficult but baby please. you cannot run towards psychosis so soon, okay? come back. 

on that note, let’s find a yoga class around your apartment and also a gurudwara. 

sign up for experiences and invest for the long term but do not invest in material things like furniture. at this point you are the typical mid-20s person who is free to up and leave whenever and wherever and you haven’t found a place you want to call home yet anyway. so keep your money liquid, don’t lock it up in stupid things, but invest for the long-term in equity assets to create wealth. also, go meet your accountant please. and get life insurance. 

do not let family stuff get to you emotionally. deal with it in a logistic, functional, and objective way. as much as possible. 

you really don’t have to respond to people within 24 hours, 48 hours, or even a week. I mean other than very few selected people (family, best friend, and your partner), nobody is owed your immediate attention. and even these inner circle people are owed your immediate attention only in a way where you keep them in the loop to let them know you are alive and doing okay. 

you are a warm person and it’s easy for people to like you wherever you go. but you have such limited time, energy, and brain cells. you cannot scale yourself like a company. which means if you more people want to get to know you, talk to you, etc., you can’t supply them with that because you are not a scalable product. okay? okay. 

earning more money will help only in a limited manner if you do not budget and control your spending. it’s not the person who earns more that is rich but the person who saves and invests and doesn’t take debt for consumption purposes. you can no longer be the ironic financial writer like in the confessions of a shopaholic. you are no longer a kid, you are an adult who has to take care of yourself and soon your dependents and so you cannot keep ranting on about capitalism while falling constant prey to it. instead you have to benefit from it.

figure out what is your choice of poison. for when you wanna just vibe, for when you want to get drunk drunk, for when you wanna be bhand. figure it out. 

think of studying Korean as doing an undergrad degree. so you know you have to stick with this for the next three years. this way you don’t see it as a short-term fancy but as a longer term commitment and reach level 6 of fluency in the language. this way, by the time you are in your late 20s, you will actually be able to read Korean books in Hangul and not the English translation. that’s your goal, isn’t it? and writing poetry in Korean too. 

your high school friend answered the question no doctor was. when you drink alcohol, make sure there is a 3-hour gap between that and your medication. but also keep the drinking in check. I mean honestly, iced coffee and fresh fruit juices for the win. 

you go through people like you go through books. but people are not books. time to pick up actual books again and press pause on people. 

do not commit anything to anybody because you have no sense of stability or certainty in your life right now. that doesn’t make you flighty. that doesn’t make you irresponsible. in fact, it makes you responsible because you aren’t making promises you aren’t sure you are capable of keeping even if you want to keep them. actions > intentions. 

time to have a skincare routine. your sister has written you a whole blog on it - just follow that. 

also oh my god. being twenty five/twenty six does not make you old. you don’t have to look at the younger people you interact with and feel uncool or outdated because then that’s how you’ll always feel. like when you were younger, you would look at the older people and think they are so cool, graceful, smart, and badass. divine, even. then that’s what you are becoming now. not knowing what certain emojis and slang means really has no bearing on how relevant you are. 

this isn’t an exhaustive list, so come back. don’t just write this and forget all about it. come back, review, revise, add. but most importantly, remember. remember this is for you. so that you minimise pain and failure and shitty feelings and maximise peace and success and joy. and you do like optimum utilisation of resources, don’t you? so do that. apply yourself for yourself. that’s where the returns are the highest. 

[crazy-fandom-madness]

Just a little Revenant x Reader cuz yes

This is my first time writing so sorry if there is any mistakes it anything enjoy

Summary: you decide to relax while the other legends talk amongst themselves and Revenant try’s his best to show he cares

Words 1.1k+

SFW/ Gender Neutral/ Fluff Rev/ Established Relationship

It was a normal day on the drop ship and Lifeline, Bangalore, Gibraltar, Octane, Mirage and Wattson where sitting and playing a card game, Newcastle and Wraith were watching listening to Mirage brag about how good he was. Of course Octane had to one up him at this point they where the only ones playing. You where laying down in the same room tired from the last match but the sound of Elliott and Octavio stopped you from sleeping. Though the Nessie Wattson gave you helped and Ajay’s light drumming on D.O.C. was also calming but it couldn’t distract from the eyes on you. Revenant, just in the corner watching not threatening just observing. You were always interested in the simulacrum and you knew he was somewhat nice to you well as nice as he could be, he tried his best.

“Ya sure you don’t want to join us?” Ajay stopped tapping D.O.C. to ask. “I bet you could get Mirage you shut up.” Wraith added with a smirk earning a look from Eliott. “They look tired let’s leave them alone.” Natalie said making everyone go back to what they were doing. A loud laugh came from Octane as he won the match. “Sorry amigo looks like I win again!” Elliot wasn’t even paying attention to him. “Well maybe if that murder bot wasn’t standing so menacingly I would have played better.” Renee rolled her eyes. “Come on brudda no need to watch join us.” They all looked over to Revenant he just let out a grunt and left. “Typical.” Anita and Renee said in unison turning back to the game, you wondered where he was going looking over the couch you were on. He went into his room unable to see him you lay back down, closing your eyes finally falling asleep.

Waking up noticing your alone at least you thought but you have a blanket it was soft. One of Revenant’s you smile looking around for anyone. “Finally, you where out for a while.” A familiar robot voice filled the room looking over there he was. Starting to walk over to you he just looked at you so you spoke. “Were you just watching me? Oh and thanks for the blanket you could have just carried me to bed.” You giggled while getting up, he let out a grunt as a response. “You can walk yourself can’t you?” Collecting all your things you head back to your room with Revenant. He usually stands in the doorway just watching you sleep making sure your safe, but today he got into bed with you. As you got comfortable laying against him just listening to his robotic parts work. It was times like this that he wished he was human but he would never admit it. “I brought you some water so you don’t have to get up.” Looking over at the table there was indeed water, small thing like this is what made you happy. Sure he wasn’t great at showing love but he did it in his own way. You give him a small thanks before taking a sip of the water. Putting it back down on the table. You wanted to see if this time he would actually sleep or if he would just watch you like always.

He has a rest mode but he never used it he didn’t like to sleep, he didn’t need to so why use it? He didn’t trust anyone enough to use it in the first place. You knew he would use it in due time, when he was ready. “Well I’m going to go to sleep feel free to move me if you want to leave.” You giggle knowing he will stay there all night. As you rest your head on his chest you hear the parts start to slow down, getting more calm the faint glow from his eyes light the room. You tiredly say you love him and you start to doze off. Smiling when he says it back, playing with your hair just a little, things he would only do in private. You wake up to the sound of Octane and Mirage again knowing you won’t be able to fall back asleep you get up. But not before noticing Revenant, asleep well in resting mode it brought a smile to your face, he is comfortable enough to do this. You lay back down and cuddle him whispering sweet nothings to him. Holding his hand and rubbing it, he often picked at the paint on his hands hating Hammond Robotics for making him this killing machine. Of course you understand this hatred he had, but remind him to be nice to himself.

His LED eyes start to light back up, gears inside him start up again. “Morning, did you rest well?” You ask as he starts back up. “I guess it’s not like it does me any use.” He sits up and watches you get ready. “Well I’m just happy your comfortable with me to do that I know it’s hard for you.” It was, he’s trying for you but it’s still hard for him to show it. “Small steps at a time.” You add all he said was a soft yeah. As you where about to leave the room he stopped you. “Thank you, for making me feel human.” He hugged you it was unusual for him to do this but you let him. “I try my best, honestly forget your not sometimes.” With a soft giggle you let go of him and smile. If he could he would be too, you place a soft kiss where his lips would be and leave.

You were greeted by Bangalore and Gibraltar they were talking about the schedule. “Bonjour, did you sleep well I hope we didn’t wake you?” Natalie asked while she watched Ajay work on D.O.C. “Not at all Wattson, so what’s the plan for today?” Looking over at Anita. She took a sip of coffee as she explained everything. She soon left to grab some more coffee and Ajay’s light tapping with her shock sticks could be heard as you felt eyes on you. Revenant walked over to you sitting next to you, he put his arm around you. But quickly moved it as Bangalore walked back in. He didn’t pull away when you grabbed his hand rubbing where the Hammond Robotics logo was. Small steps you say to your self. After a few minutes of sitting with each other the announcement for the next match could be heard. Letting go of his hand getting ready he stops you, and puts a light kiss on your hand before going to his spot. The progress might be slow he might not even get past this stage but you didn’t mind. You would always love him no matter what and you knew he felt the same. Smiling while looking at him you start to drop. He looked at you as you both got ready to jump sharing a look before everyone jumped. Sure you loved him but this is a blood sport and you didn't come to lose. Giving him one last look knowing it will be over soon and you can go back to holding him. And with that let the games begin.

[timetravellingkitty]

Do you know any Indian horror movies like a slasher film (or just in general) because I've personally never seen an Indian slasher movie? Or Indian musicals because I love musicals or just Indian films in general I would love some recommendations!!!<3

Hey! There aren't that many Indian slashers but two I remember are NH10 and Chup: Revenge of the Artist. For other horror, I recommend Bulbbul, Tumbbad, Aamis and Manichitrathazu (this one has been remade in other Indian languages so you can also check those out)

Indian musicals well. I will be really honest most of our movies technically fall under this category we just have to start dancing everywhere BUT to start off, I'll recommend some movies from the different industries:

Hindi: Om Shanti Om, 3 Idiots (mandatory viewing if you want to get into Indian cinema), Rang De Basanti, Qala, Sholay, Taare Zameen Par, Kal Ho Naa Ho and Fitoor

Telugu: Jersey, Magadheera, Sita Ramam, Shyam Singha Roy, Eega (don't question anything. Please don't) and Mahanati

Malayalam: Uyare, Premam, Bangalore Days, Minnal Murali, Athiran, Jallikkattu and Jana Gana Mana

Tamil: Iruvar, Ponniyin Selvan (both parts), Kaithi and its sequel Vikram, Jai Bhim, Super Deluxe, Gargi, Paava Kadhaigal and Soorarai Pottru

For Marathi I've only watched Sairat and The Disciple but I would recommend both and for Kannada there's always 777 Charlie (it's about a dog. What more could you want)

Like you can probably tell, there is a LOT meaning that there's a lot of other amazing stuff I had to leave out but I think this is a good starting point (our film output is number 1 in the world for a reason). Feel free to ask if you want more recs <3

[nessie-gun]

We can all agree that the Legends are mostly ND right? Here's some of my personal headcanons of Legends that may be autistic. Under a read more because I have many thoughts.

Bangalore - Her special interests are weaponry and warfare, which lends to why she's so interested in relaying information on the weapons she pings. She is a much less verbal person than some of her peers, and has a fairly flat affect. I believe she has alexithymia, which may have contributed to her relationship fallout with Loba.

Bloodhound - They relate to animals better than people, like their ravens, and take a special interest in hunting. Being in nature is regulating to them. I feel like they'd be avoidant of strong tastes, and would prefer deep pressure from those they trust. They're not terribly verbal, but will stim by making bird calls. They also stim by petting Artur and their other bird. (I named her Faida lol)

Catalyst - With a considerably flatter aspect than some, she is much more verbal than the prior two Legends. That doesn't stop her from being awkward in conversation. She carries a few worry stones in her pocket to stim with. She also shuffles her tarot deck to stim. She has a strong sense of justice, and devotes her time to causes that she deems worthy.

Crypto - Much like Hound and Bangalore, he is less verbal than many of the other Legends. He prefers to be alone, is a night owl, and tends to be understimulated rather than overstimulated. Because of this, he seeks out strong flavors, loud music, and fabrics that may be stiffer or scratchier. His favorite stims would be the sound of a keyboard clicking and rocking his desk chair back and forth.

Loba - Loba is a bit of an outlier on the list, as she's AuDHD rather than strictly autistic. She stims by playing with parts of Rev that she's collected after dismantling him, finding regulation in revenge. She's easily distractable, but needs the routine in order to not completely meltdown. She is not great at reading social cues, has a hard time making friends, and is often cited as being narcissistic and overly sensitive, diagnoses often given to women where autism is overlooked. Edit: thank you @the-mechanica for reminding me that Loba stims with her hair and fan too.

Vantage - Vantage loves infodumping about everything and anything, especially about bats or other animals. She doesn't get people, she's pushy, and she's entirely inquisitive. She would love stimming by rocking back and forth on her heels, and by petting Echo. Unlike Hound, who also shares an interest in animals and hunting, Vantage seeks people out, trying to make friends with everyone she can. She is very verbal and has a great memory.

-

It's important to note that my headcanons are not indicative of all autistic people. Autism exists on a spectrum, after all. These are just my thoughts. Let me know what you think!

[marsbar17]

Hey honey, did you know I love you very dearly and you're absolutely wonderful?

Anyway, could I maybe get like Bangalore x reader hcs? For me? Perchance?? 🫶🫶

Teehee

That's all I have to say

Teehee

Now feast 🤲🤲

Bangalore x Reader Headcannons

Contains: NSFW further below

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

《SFW》

• Bangalore enjoys fitness and likes to encourage you to follow her health routines but she won't force you if you don't wanna

• Gym dates, even if it just consists of you watching her workout and being her hype man

• But she's overjoyed when you join in, spotting you and hyping you up, pushing you to do your best

• But I feel like she also enjoys dates and hangouts that make her feel like a normal person you know?

• Like she enjoys her skills but sometimes she wants to forget the games and her intense responsibilities

• She probably likes walks, or drives, just going places without any specific locations in mind

• Walking through towns and just going into whatever stores or buildings interest you, leading to soft dates at cafes or galleries

• Honestly I feel like she'll enjoy anything as long as it's with the person she loves, it could be a trip to the firing range for training or a nice getaway at a beach and she'll be all for it as long as you're coming along too

• She bought like 10 cookbooks when you started dating just so she could cook food for you, making sure that you're taken care of and maybe the praise for making such good food is a nice bonus for her too

• She calls you the classics like, babe, hun, shit like that but she loves being a bit possessive with stuff like my love, my dear, my girl, or my boy, mwah chefs kiss I love it

• Her love languages are definitely quality time and acts of service

• Simple acts of service like cooking meals for each other or tidying up

《NSFW》

• My brain automatically says dominant top but honestly I feel like she'd be softer and more vulnerable

• If it's a hookup or with someone she's not super close with then yeah she's probably dominant and in charge, but with people she loves she'd rather let go of that side of herself and just give in, let someone else be in charge for once

• Of course she'll please you and be dominant when she wants to, but I like the idea of just sweet, loving sex with Anita instead of rough, lust driven sex with Bangalore

• She absolutely loves it when you ride her, maybe you'll even hear her beg for it

• Idk if she'd have any piercings but she probably has some hidden tattoos for you to find 🤭

• She mostly praises you, maybe she'll add in a little degration if you're really being needy or bratty

• She's weak to any sort of teasing, you could barely drag your fingers across her skin and she'd fold in an instant, getting all flustered and needy for you

• She'll lift you up onto any and every surface in your house and ravage you

• Pressed against the wall MMMMMMMM

• Eye contact <3

• Her favorite positions are definitely riding and missionary

• She calls you every pet name that you can add "my" in front of, my love, my girl, my boy, my baby, or just mine

• And she loves being called sir and/or ma'am, even when she's bottoming, and also just Anita

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading all the way through! I hope you're having a good day :)

Also, if you perhaps like this maybe uhh touch that little heart down there just a lil bit yknow, and maybe do a little reblog action if you know what I mean, it really helps me grow as a creator and gives me the motivation to write even more <3

[foreverlilmeowmeow]

Helloooooo!! Can you write a one shot about Octane from apex proposing to the reader please I realized there’s no fanfics abt it. Can it also be a fem reader? Thanks man🤘

Omg! I love this idea and I don't see much either as I love Octane just as much. I'm sorry it took me so long to write and I'm sorry if the fight scene is a bit messy. I'm not really good with fighting scenes but I feel like Octane would do something like this so enjoy :)

requests are still open, they just might take me a while as I'm shuffling between jobs and some drama at home, but please fill free to send me your ideas :) I'll get to them as soon as I can! Thanks :)

~Sleepy Ash

~~~

Summary: You were in the middle of a fight on Broken Moon and your boyfriend of what felt like years decided now was the time to propose to you.

Warnings: nothing too big? Maybe the characters getting shot, but nothing too bad I would think.

Words: 1269

~~~

“What are you doing? Are you crazy?” Lifeline asked as bullets were going past her head. 

“I’m gonna ask her to marry me. I mean I don’t see the issue here, plus she and I have been dating for a while. I don’t see her saying no.” Octane said as he peaked over the ledge to see where the enemy team was. 

“But we're in the middle of a fight right now. Are you sure she’s not gonna say no because we're preoccupied?” Lifeline asked as Octane shook his head. 

“I don’t think so. If in all honesty I think everyone will be shocked that Octavio Silva is finally settling down after all these years. I know I would be.” Octane laughed as Y/N made a winge noise over mic and then called out that she was downed by a second team. 

“Well, here’s your chance to be the hero. Go get them I guess.” Lifeline said as she rolled her eyes. She peaked over the ledge that Octane had just looked over and had seen where Y/N had gone down and sighed knowing that if he didn’t hurry the ring was going to pinch them and that was something she didn’t want to deal with.

“I’m coming Y/N! Just hold on!” Octane called over mic as he jabbed the needle of his stim into his chest and jetted out of the building on the north east side of The Mirage Voyage, grabbing the zipline, and then down to the second floor where he saw Mirage finishing Y/N and Wraith guardian the door.

“Wow, that's quite the predemis—Pruh—Preh... Predicam—uh... It's a bad situation for you.” Mirage smiled as he started moving backwards in some type of moonwalk dance and kick up his foot to finish Y/N but ended up stopping as Octane pulled out his R-99 and started shooting him, stopping him from finishing Y/N, and had both Wraith and Mirage focused on Octane so Lifeline could pick Y/N up.

"On yuh feet. Lifeline's gotcha back." Lifeline smiled as she had quickly followed Octane down the zipline and through the building to pick Y/N up. The three of them now dealing with Wraith and Mirage that when Y/N did finally heal up Lifeline had gotten shot by their third member Bangalore and groaned seeing her down weapon was a G Scout fully kitted.

“Tango down.” Bangalore smirked as she and Y/N locked eyes. Bangs was about to go after Y/N when Octane got between the two and sat down on one knee nearly confusing Bangalore and Y/N on what he was doing.

“Le-et me have this moment real quick, please?” Octane said as he shot at Bangalore giving her a warning and then downed Mirage as he tried to finish the job with Y/N.

“What are you doing? We have to finish them!” Y/N growled as she was aiming her gun at Bangalore looking around to figure out where the hell Wraith had fazed off too.

“Something I should have done a long time ago but was too chicken to do so…” Octane said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out what could only be but a small square velvet box. 

“You gotta be kidding me.” Bangalore said while shaking her head, “You're doing this now?!”

Octane nodded his head, “Uh, yeah, I don’t see a better time than doing it now.” 

Lifeline rolled her eyes as she and Bangalore waited for Octane to continue. The three of them standing on the bottom floor of the building just watching the ring grow closer as Mirage was knocked down in a corner, probably talking to Wraith and figuring out what to do while the other team and Bangalore were off proposing to people.

“Well, get on your knee Silva, got less than four-five.” Bangalore said as Octane quickly nodded and turned to face Y/n. His left hand removing his goggles so everyone could see his brown eyes and his cheeks a bit pink as he, himself, couldn’t believe he was doing this.

“Come on Silva we don’t have all day.” Lifeline said as she was starting to join the group of annoyed people.

“Right, Y/N, -” Octane began as Y/N nodded smiling from ear to ear, “-I know we haven’t been an item for a long time and I know we’ve been friends for twice as much, but ever since that day up on Kings Canyon on the jump course, where we did some sick teamwork on the jump pads, I knew I wanted to spend  foverever with you. You're fun and amazing and when you do that thing with the P2020.” She flipped it around her pointer finger and then threw it up into the air before catching and putting it back into its holster, “I knew you were the love of my life, my partner in crime, my life long duo…” the list goes on and on as when Octane finally pulled out the ring Y/N gasped. The diamond was green wrapped around pure silva (see what I did there??). It was the same color as his stim and green hair. Tiny but on point as he didn’t want something flashy, but enough to catch someone’s eye. He wanted the ring to represent him and her put together and to show that Octavio Silva can be locked down. He just had to find someone special enough to do so.

“Awe, babe, you… shouldn’t have…” Y/N said as she held out her hand and waited for Octane to finish. 

“Come on Silva pick it up we gotta go!” Bangalore said as she tapped her foot against the concrete. 

“Ooo, right…” Octane said as he nodded. He pulled the ring out of the velvet box and smiled, holding it up to Y/N with a smile, “Will you make me the most happiest man alive and marry me?” 

Y/N smiled nodding, “Of course you idiot. Of Course.'' and when she slipped on the ring Wraith came out of nowhere and finished off the three of them. First throwing a grenade and weakening them and then knocking all three of them with a R-301.

“Jesus, Wraith, couldn’t come fast enough? Where did you go?” Bangalore said as she threw down and heat shield and started looting through Octane’s box.

“I had to take care of some outside squads. I heard some strays while shielding up earlier and just sorry I came back late.” She said as she picked up Mirage who was mumbling some nonsense to himself. He looted through Y/N’s box as when the three of them were done. Heading out of the building and took off on the zipline.

“Did you know he was going to propose all this time?” Mirage asked as he looked back at Bangalore.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t expecting him to nearly kill us all with ring.” Banaglore sighed as she felt the heat from the ring burn her skin.

“Damn. Such a shame they all had to go out like that. Would have been rom-roman-uh cool if they got to be the champion squad in the end.” Mirage stumbled as Wraith nodded.

“Yeah, it would have, but I decided to end things. Now come on. We have less than three squads left and this ring is really burning us here.” Wraith said as they jumped off the zipline and headed to the next. They had a long way to go, but in the end Octane was happy and so was Y/N.

[chaiandtakkar]

Whispers beneath the stars

Chapter 13 Part B: Khushi’s Interlude 

1990, Bangalore

The orphanage smelled of dust and sunlight—the kind of smell that clung to old buildings with histories too long to recount. Khushi sat on the worn bench, her legs swinging restlessly beneath her as she watched the other children play in the courtyard. She had been here for over two years now, bouncing from one facility to another, never staying long enough to form any real connections.

At eight years old, she had learned that most people didn’t want older children. Families had wanted babies—blank slates, children who hadn’t lived through too many birthdays alone, children who didn’t carry memories of a life before.

She had long since stopped hoping.

That rainy afternoon, when Appa and Amma walked in, Khushi didn’t pay them much attention. She had seen enough couples pass through the orphanage’s gates, their eyes sweeping over the children, looking for something—someone—to fit into their lives. It had become a familiar routine: they would meet with the staff, sometimes glance over at the older children, but almost always leave with a toddler or an infant.

Khushi wasn’t expecting this time to be any different.

But something about Appa and Amma was different, though not in the way that usually brought comfort. They carried their grief visibly, like heavy cloaks wrapped around their shoulders. Appa’s eyes, deep and distant, held an emptiness that was hard to ignore. Amma, too, seemed hollowed out, her gaze flickering with something too sharp for comfort—an unspoken sadness that ran deeper than Khushi could comprehend.

They hadn’t come to the orphanage looking to adopt. Not at first. They had come in search of something they hadn’t even realized they were looking for—some way to fill the gaping hole their son Raghav had left behind.

Raghav had drowned off the coast of Rameshwaram years ago, lost to the sea in an accident that had forever changed them. The grief of losing him had eroded the life they once knew, leaving behind a home filled with silence and sadness.

When they met Khushi, something shifted. She was older than most of the children they had seen, and perhaps that’s what drew them in—an understanding that this child, too, carried the weight of loss. But as much as their hearts ached, it wasn’t Khushi they truly saw.

It was Raghav.

The first time Khushi saw Amma’s eyes soften, it was when she caught a glimpse of the way Khushi tilted her head, something Raghav had done. And when Appa asked Khushi about her favorite books, it wasn’t really because he cared about her interests—it was because he was remembering Raghav’s love for reading, trying to find echoes of him in the girl who now stood before them.

The adoption process was swift, almost mechanical. Khushi was taken to their home in a quiet ceremony—no grand celebrations, no warm welcome, just a new life she hadn’t expected. The house was spacious but filled with shadows—pictures of a boy who looked nothing like her, but whose presence lingered in every corner. Raghav’s room was kept untouched, his childhood toys still lined neatly on the shelves, his clothes still hanging in the closet.

Khushi didn’t know how to navigate this space, where everything seemed to remind her new parents of someone else. She felt like an intruder in a family that had already been fully formed, her presence an attempt to bridge the brokenness that had come with their son’s death.

In those early days, Amma and Appa spoke little of Raghav, but his absence was palpable. They didn’t openly ask Khushi to fill the void he had left behind, but it was there in the unspoken comparisons, the lingering looks, and the way they watched her, as though they were waiting for her to become something more—someone else.

Amma’s touch was gentle but often distant. She would comb Khushi’s hair with the same practiced movements she had once used on Raghav, and though her hands were steady, there was a tension there, a quiet longing. "Raghav’s hair used to be this soft," she would murmur absentmindedly, and Khushi would sit there, silent, the weight of those words pressing down on her chest.

Appa, too, tried to connect, but his conversations often turned toward memories of Raghav. "He would have loved to show you the beach," Appa said once, as they sat by the shore. "Raghav used to spend hours in the water, just like you. He had the same spark in his eyes."

Khushi wasn’t sure if it was meant to be a compliment or just another reminder that she was living in the shadow of a boy she had never met but whose presence seemed to linger in every part of their lives.

She tried, in her own quiet way, to please them. She studied hard, did her chores without complaint, and sat with Amma while she quietly worked in the garden. But no matter how much she did, it never felt like enough. There was always something missing, something she couldn’t quite become.

And that’s when the isolation set in.

Khushi began to retreat into herself, finding solace in the silence she had grown so accustomed to. She stopped asking questions, stopped trying to bridge the gap between herself and her adoptive parents. The house remained as it always had—quiet, steeped in grief, and filled with the weight of expectations.

It wasn’t that Appa and Amma didn’t care for her. They did, in their own way. But their love was always tinged with sadness, always shadowed by the memory of the son they had lost. They had taken Khushi in, not out of a desire to replace Raghav, but because they couldn’t bear the emptiness he had left behind.

And so Khushi lived in that space—in between love and loss, in between being wanted and being forgotten.

It wasn’t until years later, when Khushi donned her army uniform, that she began to see a glimmer of pride in their eyes that was for her and not for the shadow of someone else.

Appa had been the first to speak, his voice breaking the silence of the morning. "You’ve made us proud," he said, his eyes glistening. And for the first time, Khushi felt like she was being seen for who she was, not for the echoes of someone else’s memory.

But even then, she couldn’t shake the feeling that no matter how far she went, no matter what she achieved, she would always be living in the shadow of a family she could never truly be a part of.

@arshifiesta

Also on blog here

>>Chapter 14

[eepyanj]

my friend just finished watching bangalore days and he FUCKING LOVED IT!!!! I'M SOO HAPPY LIKE YEAHHHH JAHAHAJAJ

[triviareads]

Tastes Like shakkar sounds so good! What are your top 5 books with brown or desi characters?

I enjoyed Tastes Like Shakkar a lot more than I was expecting, and have relentlessly been shilling it ever since. It's such a solid romance, the sex was good, a lot of the desi family stuff (the concept of being a "family manager") really hit, but it never took away from the main romance. Also, it's always nice to feel "seen" in the books you read even though it's pretty rare for me, but since this was specifically about Indian-Americans in the NY-NJ area, I really felt that.

Here are books with desi rep apart from Tastes Like Shakkar that are in my top 5:

Wrong to Need You by Alisha Rai: I debated putting my other fave by Alisha, Serving Pleasure, on here but Wrong to Need You portrayed a less-troubled desi family dynamic than Serving Pleasure so I'm picking this. Sadia is a widowed single mom grappling with her attraction to her brother-in-law, Jackson who's just returned after a self-imposed exile related to a mysterious fire. The restrained tension between these two is so hot (ok maybe not entirely restrained; she doesn't recognize him when he first returns and nearly has sex with him lol). Also, Sadia, like Jiya below, subverts the passive Asian woman trope on multiple levels, and based on the dynamic between her and Jackson.

I also liked how Sadia's large, close-knit Pakistani-American family was portrayed; they may not see eye-to-eye all the time, but they love one another and are willing to learn and compromise.

Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert: Zafir Ansari is truly a prince among men; him and Dani go viral for his rescue of her, and they start fake dating so his football charity can get some positive attention and donations. I like how Zafir was the romantic one among the two of them (and is a Bollywood romance fan, predictably), and is also great in the sack so... a winner, basically.

Also, Talia wrote this lovely exploration of grief (Zafir lost his dad and brother) and this really sweet relationship between Zafir and his SIL, and his family as a whole which I appreciated.

Sink or Swim by Tessa Bailey: I know Tessa has gotten a lot of flak for her portrayal of Latinx characters (which, deserved imo), and she's otherwise by and large stuck to writing white characters, but I can't deny she did pretty damn good job of writing Jiya and her family, who are desi, in this book. Here are my full thoughts on this.

The Roommate Risk by Talia Hibbert: Friends to lovers AND probably one of the only unrequited love books I'll ever recommend only because I love Jasmine so much (even while she's STRUGGLING to figure out that yes, Rahul has had feelings for her ever since she deflowered him on the... I wanna say library floor), and Rahul Khan is adorable and a stern, stern man who can absolutely get it. Similar to Zafir above, Rahul's dad also dies during the book (there's a lot of flashbacks) and Talia portrayed Muslim funeral customs and just the general family dynamics thoughtfully and in such an emotional way.

Hard Way by Katie Porter: lol my problematic fave because there are a few things that are just so weird in terms of rep: For one, the author keeps putting Sunita, the heroine, in "indian inspired" clothes, for example, some kind vaguely described professional suit inspired by a saree? Like, this woman is an attorney who works for a United States congressman. She's probably wearing a regular-ass suit like the rest of the people in that office. Also, her nickname in law school was the "Ice Queen of Bangalore" which was meant to be microaggressive, but the nickname literally makes 0 sense to me since she was raised in AMERICA, and considering half the Indians I know can't make the connection between being Kannadiga and possibly being from Bangalore, the capital of Karnataka, what are the chances these white mfs can, right? And the weird thing is, she narratively sort of "reclaims" her nickname, but it was such a cringe one to begin with and I don't even know why the authors bothered to put it in in the first place.

BUT Sunita is the only Kannadiga heroine I've ever read (I am. kannadiga, to clarify), she's a martial artist, she's struggling to work out her marriage with her husband (I'm a sucker for that shit), she's good with being kidnapped and zip-tied straight from the grocery store by her husband because it's a mutual fantasy, and she attends yakshagana performances (also very personal to me and my family)! Do you know how rare it is to see any of these things as far as brown heroines go? Maybe I have a lower bar for South Asian rep because there are so few romances that have South Asians who don't hate themselves/the culture AND have good sex scenes, but hopefully that will change as time goes on.

[creatingnikki]

there I was grieving yet again. another year, another person. was grieving love lost easier than actually loving someone? was it more romantic, more romanticized?

because if here you were with me at 7:28 pm stuck in rush hour traffic with our clothes all sandy after an evening at the beach. me having had a fight with my sister on the phone and all irritated, and you worried about reaching home in time for your work call at night, would I still want you by my side? would you?

now, sitting here alone, looking at the market outside, I miss you. but what about you do I miss? I miss your smile, I miss your attention, I miss your kisses, and I miss your jokes. but if we were actually together, day in and day out, how many jokes would pepper our conversations? how many kisses and smiles would be exchanged?

being a tourist in a city is lovely, it's romantic. moving there and trying to make a living, however? that's a whole other thing. ask me, I loved Bangalore when I simply went there to visit a friend. the bookstores, the weather, the clubs. but when I moved there for work? I couldn't go a day without finding 10 faults and missing my home city. the traffic that seems to not move, the overpriced cabs, the power cuts.

isn't a fling, an affair, a summer romance, an on and off thing, a lot like being a tourist in the land and life of your lover? your experience is limited to the aesthetic cafes, comfortable hotels, and you spend money by girl math logic cos you're on vacation and what's even a budget? as your lover's tourist, is your experience not limited to only the butterflies, the flirting, the passion, and the sexual tension? the 2 am existential conversations and the brief cuddling the next morning before you both have to get back to your respective lives?

so how much of this missing is even objective? do I really want a real, long-term relationship with you? do I want to have multiple summers with you? and all the seasons in between? would I like you in Bangalore as much as I would in Mumbai? would I want you along for my Seoul trip? would I want you not just on Friday nights when we have a date night planned but on Thursday afternoons when I am unwell, throwing up in the office washroom hating everything about life?

would I want you to be a part of my life, my home? would I want to give you a pass beyond a tourist visa? would I want you as a permanent resident?

and if not, then can I, just stop with this misery that is missing you constantly. missing you, what we shared in the past, the brief bliss is so much more pleasurable than any reality we have shared or perhaps could. I know it, I do. then why won't this sticky feeling of missing you not go away? the monsoon is too far away to wash this feeling away. for now I will have to find another way.