#but bad things happen to our protagonist and he is 15 so

[tendertenebrosity]

This is an odd piece that I mostly wrote to explore Ciaran's family and upbringing a bit. Who even are these people that Ciaran sold his soul for, etc. Ciaran's story so far can be found here. Mind the tags.

The first job I went out on with my father and his crew, the summer after we moved down south into town, was clearing land for some wealthy family who’d newly moved out of the capital. Henley, the name was.

It was pretty neglected land, overgrown with brush and saplings and fully grown trees right up to the eaves of the big house that would probably be really fancy once it had been taken care of properly. I was working near there - tying branches and whippy green wood into bundles to carry them away - when I noticed him.

Leaning over the half-rotten wooden railing of the balcony on the second floor, he was dressed in such good clothes it took me a second to notice that he was about my age or a little younger; a young fifteen or an old fourteen, maybe.

He was watching us work - or, well, not me actually; his gaze was fixed on the men with hatchets a little further away from the house. I straightened up, wincing and stretching my back, and wondered what it was he found so intriguing about Lin and Maric clearing the brush. Was he that bored out here?

I glanced over my shoulder. Maric had taken his shirt off.

Oh. I realised what it was that he was so fixated on, and what that meant, at about the same time he noticed me watching him.

If he was embarrassed to be caught staring, he didn’t show it. He transferred his cool, intent gaze to me.

Abruptly nervous, I shrugged. I flicked my eyes to Maric, back to him; and tried to contrive a grin that said: hey, I get it. Fair enough.

I did get it, actually; Maric was one of the few younger people around here that wasn’t related to me, so I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t spent a little time looking at him myself. As of last month he was extremely happily married to my cousin Shari, though.

The well-dressed boy’s eyebrows lifted a fraction. Greatly daring - oh man am I going to look stupid if I’ve misunderstood things - I winked at him and turned away.

-

“The garden I wanted to show you is just around here,” Jon said, a little loudly, a little obviously fake - although there was nobody to hear him. We’d left the rest of the crew under one of the trees Jon’s father had decreed would be allowed to stay, staying out of the worst of the midday heat while they finished lunch.

He gave me a conspiratorial look and I grinned, stupidly, trying not to be too dazzled by the sun on his hair and on his very white shirt and pale jacket. I followed him around the side of the shed the crew and I had just finished building last week.

I wondered if, jokes aside, there really was a garden - I wouldn’t have minded seeing it, wouldn’t have minded watching Jon’s face and hands as he talked about it - but once we were in the cool shade of the building he reached out and snagged my wrist, and then before I could think twice we were standing nose to nose up against the wall.

I was suddenly very conscious of the fact that I’d been working all morning, had dirt under my fingernails and ground into my elbows even though I’d washed up for lunch, that my shirt was still saturated with sweat across my back. I probably smelled, too. Surely any second Jon would notice and wrinkle his nose, and then I might need to change my name, buy a ticket on the next coach, and put on a fake moustache to not be recognised while I left the country.

I wondered if it was possible to kiss someone with your hands behind your back.

“Why are you doing that with your hands?” Jon demanded. He batted one of them out of the air playfully from where I had been hovering it. “Am I made of glass suddenly? You weren’t this shy last week.”

“Well - well, your jacket is so nice,” I protested. Heat flared across my cheeks. “It’s white. And I’m all dirty, I don’t want to mess up your nice clothes…”

“Old gods, you are adorable,” Jon laughed.

I tried to laugh off the fluttering feeling in my stomach, tried to tease him in return. “Why are you out in the grounds in good clothes, do you - ”

“Just come back from lessons. Shh.”

And then he put his hands on my chest, and stretched up a little because he was shorter than me, and kissed me. Which was an effective way of shushing me, I had to admit, because I stopped thinking about his clothes or my clothes or the dirt on my elbows or basically anything else.

I didn’t think we were there that long - surely it couldn’t have been longer than a minute or so? But when a loud and angry voice split the air, my first guilty thought was that I had misjudged the time and was late. We had sprung apart - a second of delay because Jon’s hand had curled around my waist and needed to be disentangled - before I realised to my horror that the voice didn’t sound like any of my people.

“Oh, no,” Jon said, and his face was so tight and frightened that I was distracted by a moment of worry for him. The person marching angrily across the broken ground towards us was Jon’s father. I’d seen him several times since starting the job; he’d only ever spoken to my dad.

“Mr - Mr Henley, sir,” I stammered. Maybe I should shut up and let Jon do the talking - but Jon was backing away from me, as if trying to put distance between us as fast as possible, hands brushing down his jacket to straighten it. “I - ”

“What the hells do you think you’re doing?” Henley snarled - his face a furious mask. I thought the question was directed at Jon, not me, which was why I was surprised when Henley reached us and the first thing he did was reach out and grab a fistful of my shirt.

He hit me across the face; not lightly, either, with the back of his hand. I had my hands half-raised instinctively to defend myself, but luckily I realised what a breathtakingly bad idea what would be before I did anything.

Instead I just reeled, my face burning and my ear ringing. I got my feet underneath myself and tried to tug my shirt out of his hand. “Sir! Sir, please!”

“Damn Caresi trash, this time?” he demanded of Jon. He didn’t let go; he twisted the handful of shirt he held and shook it like a terrier with a rat. “You decided to dig in the gutters for this one just to aggravate me, didn’t you?”

Jon flinched and gave me an appalled look. “Father, I - ”

The noise had brought half the crew coming to see what the fuss was; the men who came around the corner first froze and melted back.

The person who came around the corner next was my dad.

I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me.

He took a moment to take in the situation, brows down low over his eyes. I couldn’t meet them; I yanked at my shirt again, fruitlessly. My face was hot and stinging; the slap had happened before anybody else was here, but could Dad tell? I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t want any of the men over there - my relatives and their friends and people I’d worked with for weeks - to know Henley had just slapped me.

“Mister Henley,” Dad said sharply. “Let go of my son, please.”

“Your son, is it?” Henley yanked my shirt as he turned around and I stumbled, only just avoiding falling flat on my face. He didn’t let go. “Well, mister Adarie, maybe you can tell me what your son is doing taking mine back behind outbuildings, with their filthy hands practically down each other’s pants? Is your son a two-copper whore?”

“Father,” Jon said, but he wasn’t as shocked by this as everybody else was; rather he was ramrod-straight and pale. The rest of the crew was milling around behind Dad now and a little murmur went through them. I burned.

“Ciaran,” Dad said. His voice was very level. “Is this true?”

I pulled on my shirt wildly, and managed to get it out of Henley’s grip. I backed away out of his reach. “No, it’s not!” I said, and my voice cracked, humiliated tears springing to my eyes. “I only - we only - it was just a kiss. That’s all! Don’t make it - he makes it sound like -”

Henley made a scoffing noise, disgusted.

He makes it sound so… so low and dirty, I wanted to say. It wasn’t. And it wasn’t - like that. I didn’t even unbutton his shirt. But you might have wanted to. But I didn’t! And even if I had - !

Dad looked at me for a long second and my stomach plummeted; I couldn’t bear the thought that it was disappointment or even disgust that made him take so long to say anything. “You know you’re here to work, Ciaran,” he said. “Should you have been working?”

“No,” I protested. I sniffed desperately and tried to force the tears away. “No, Dad, I - it was the midday break. I’m working, I’m not slacking off…”

Maric, hanging back behind my father’s shoulder, coughed. “That - that is true,” he said, and his eyes were sympathetic when he glanced at me. “We had stopped for midday. There wasn’t anything he should have been doing.”

Dad looked like he wanted to say something else, but in the end all he did was sigh. “Come here,” he said.

I went to do as he said, miserable - but Henley stepped in front and put an arm out. I could’ve got around him, maybe, but I didn’t want to push him and make things worse, so I just stood there like an idiot.

“You seem to have the misapprehension that I’m most concerned about his work,” Henley said, low and furious. “Frankly I don’t care. He could be the best man you have and three times as fast as any of the rest, and I’d still want his hide.”

My stomach dropped; I could feel heat burning in my cheeks but the rest of me went cold. Maric looked alarmed; a muttered conversation went on behind Dad’s back between a few of my cousins. Dad gave me one quick glance, his brow creased, before turning his attention to Henley.

“Ah… sir,” he said. “Hang on, now. There’s no call for that kind of talk... Ciaran’s barely fifteen...”

“No?” I couldn’t see Henley’s face, but I could hear the venom in his voice. The distance between me and Dad seemed to lengthen; suddenly everybody else was way over there, and I was trapped behind Henley and Jon. “You don’t think so? You think I ought to let him creep around corrupting my son, doing whatever - ”

“Don’t be stupid, Father,” Jon interrupted, heated. “If anybody has grounds to claim that it’s Adarie, since -”

“You’ll hold your tongue,” Henley snapped. “We’ll discuss what happens with you later.”

“Look,” Dad said, rubbing a hand over his face. “Look, hang on. Mr Henley… this…it’s unfortunate, and I’m sorry, but let’s not make it more than it is. I apologise for his behaviour. But he’s just a boy. There’s no harm done. There’s no suggestion he’s made your son do anything he didn’t want, is there?”

“No,” Jon said, before his father could answer. He flicked a quick glance at me that I couldn’t read, and then looked to my dad with a mulish expression. “It was my idea. I talked your son into it.”

“Well, then - well, then. They’re just kids,” Dad said. “More heart than sense. No harm done.” As if he said it often enough Henley would believe it. He made what I thought was an attempt at a rueful fellow-feeling smile. “We were all boys once, weren’t we? Eh?”

“Not in the sense that you seem to mean, no,” Henley said, coldly. “I can’t say I was. Perhaps that you think so…. Explains some things.”

Dad shook his head. “Listen, I don’t think it’s good to have this out in public for everyone to gawk at. Let’s - let’s move on, and talk about this later, and let everyone get back to work. Ciaran’ll go. I’ll talk to him - you can talk to your boy.”

“I don’t think it’s talk either of them needs,” Henley said, but he seemed to have tired of the conversation; maybe he didn’t like the reminder that this was happening in public, either? He gave me a look like I was something he’d scraped off his shoe, and stepped to one side. “Fine. We’ll discuss this and the future of the project in my office this afternoon, Adarie. Get back to what I’m supposedly paying you all for.”

I edged along the wall of the shed to get around him, giving him as wide a berth as the poisonous snake he reminded me of. Once I reached Dad’s side I turned around.

Jon was standing at his father’s side, mirroring us; his stance was stiff and there was something very deliberate about the way he held his chin tipped up. I swiped a hand over my face - it was wet and my nose was running, so that was revolting, that was a really dignified way to end this.

“Of course. Ciaran - apologise to Mr Henley, and young master Henley,” Dad said. “And then you’ll have to walk home.”

Apologise to Mr Henley? I would rather have eaten glass, in that second. The words, but, Dad, hovered on my lips, but one look at Jon and his father made me swallow them painfully.

I looked at the ground. “I’m - I’m very sorry for the trouble,” I managed to force out. “Sir. Please forgive me.” In my head I directed it at Jon, because I was sorry to Jon. Sorry because I’d obviously gotten him in trouble; sorry I hadn’t kept a closer eye out for people coming.

Henley sneered at my apology, but he was already turning away. Jon followed him without looking at me, and that hurt, too, unexpectedly.

“Thank Ena,” somebody murmured from Dad’s other side; probably Maric. Somebody else behind him laughed. And maybe I was just really upset and not thinking straight, maybe they meant it as nervousness and relief, but it didn’t feel like it.

“Ciaran, what were you thinking?” Dad demanded, and went to touch my face; to turn it and look at where Henley had smacked me, probably. The anger in his voice made my stomach seize up all over again. “I never thought that you were this -”

I pushed his hand away, ducking my head. “What, are you going to hit me now, too?” I asked, and my voice was all over the place, high and tearful. Of course he was disappointed. Of course he didn’t want to think of me like that.

He looked shocked. His hand dropped. “Ciaran!”

Why does everybody have to be here? Bad enough Dad and Maric! But fucking everyone?

“Can we do this later? You s-said go home, I’m going,” I said, turning away with one hand held up over my eyes in the vain hope that people would stop looking at my face and just let me get out of here.

“All right, later,” I heard Dad say as I went blindly through the ranks of the crew.

-

Later, I lay on my bed upstairs in the house we shared with my Uncle Cob and his family.

The rest of the family was home. I could hear them downstairs, talking over dinner; but I couldn’t make out what they were saying, which was probably a good thing, frankly. My stomach rumbled, but I wasn’t going down there, possibly ever again.

I heard the stairway creak as somebody came upstairs. The door eased open.

“Go away,” I said into the pillow.

“Hey,” Bren said, softly. “It’s only me, Ciaran. Can I sit down?”

I sniffled. Bren wouldn’t be so bad. Bren hadn’t been there, today, he hadn’t seen it - he worked in a factory, not with my dad’s crew. Then again, people had undoubtedly told him, and I couldn’t decide if that was worse. I wouldn’t have privacy up here for very long anyway; my cousin and my brother would be up at bedtime and I’d have to either look them in the eyes or pretend to be asleep already.

Bren took my silence for agreement, shut the door, and came to sit on the bed beside me. The wooden frame creaked. He didn’t try to touch me.

“Your dad sent me up here to have a bit of a talk with you,” he said. No big surprise there. He was the youngest of them, and seemed to have all of the skill with words my dad and my uncle Cob never picked up. “He told me about what happened at the worksite today.”

“So you heard that I’m a two-copper whore,” I said viciously into the pillow. “I guess everybody knows that by now, don’t they?”

I heard him draw in a wincing breath. “Nobody should have called you that, Ciaran,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

I rolled over to stare at the ceiling. “He called me Caresi trash, too,” I said. “That bit was before Dad arrived. Said Jon was after people ‘from the gutter’.”

Bren rubbed a hand through his hair, looking awkward. “Yeah, you’ll… you’ll find that in this part of the country. It’s just not normally that openly put,” he said. “I doubt your dad would be surprised to hear it. Henley sounds like a piece of work.”

“Then why’d Dad take the job?” I asked. “Why’d he offer us the job? If he’s that…?”

Bren sighed. “Ah, if only we could be that picky.”

I stared at the ceiling with my hands twisting in my shirt. “Do we… still have the job?” I wasn’t stupid. We needed that job. If I’d lost it for us…

“Yes,” Bren said. “It’s almost done, as I understand it, everyone will grit their teeth and put up with each other for another couple of weeks. It’s not worth finding another crew for what’s left.”

He turned around to look at me very seriously. “Look, you - you know your dad loves you to bits, Ciaran,” he said gently. “We all do. If he was - stern, today, it’s not because you made him angry. It’s because he was scared for you.”

I avoided Bren’s gaze, turning my head to stare at the wall.

I hadn’t been fair, this afternoon, to ask if he was going to hit me - that was probably part of why Bren was here and he wasn’t. I’d surprised and maybe even hurt him. My father might be gruff and difficult to talk to, but he’d never been that kind of man. It would probably take doing something actually criminal or violent or both before I’d be afraid anybody under this roof would hit me.

But that wasn’t what I’d been afraid of, really.

“I think,” I managed to say, “I think he is angry. Why wouldn’t he be angry?” Angry was not the word that was buzzing about in my head, like a fly trapped behind a windowpane. Angry wasn’t what I was afraid of.

“Yes, but not like - ” Bren waved his hands in a fruitless gesture. “Ciaran, you did something foolish today, not - not something morally wrong, or something your dad thinks is dirty, or something he’s going to think less of you for. He would never - there’s nothing you could do to make us love you less, Ciaran, not a thing, and certainly not something like this.”

Think less of me. Yeah, those were words you could use to describe it, that look of revulsion in Henley’s eyes. Did I think that Dad would look at me like that?

“Mmn,” I said past a lump in my throat.

“The whole - boys, girls, doesn’t matter,” Bren said. He smacked his knee lightly for emphasis as he spoke. “As long as you - as long as you’re treating people right and acting with integrity, it doesn’t matter at all.”

Acting with integrity. Only my uncle Bren could say a phrase like that and have it come out naturally, like he said it every day. “It matters sometimes,” I said - and, to my horror, my voice was going all wobbly again. “It matters to - ”

“It matters to miserable horse’s asses like Henley,” Bren said firmly. “Nobody you should care about. If anybody in this family or the work crew has a stupid opinion about it, you come and tell me.” Oh no. Oh, no, that would not be happening at all, no matter how many stupid opinions anybody has. “Your ma and dad aren’t… This is outside of their experience. They don’t really know how to talk about it, which is why I’m here and not them. But none of us care, and they want to make sure you know that.”

I sniffled, swiped a hand over my eyes. “Okay.” I pushed myself up to sit up, my back against the wall behind me. “So. So Dad just thinks I’m a fucking idiot who embarrassed him in front of the client. He just thinks I ruined the whole fucking job. He just thinks I can’t be trusted to - to - ”

I could just about see Bren wincing at the language, and deciding not to pull me up on it. Well if you can say horse’s ass, I can say fuck, can’t I?

“You didn’t ruin it,” he said patiently. “It’s awkward, the working relationship has soured, but like I said, this guy has been a piece of work from the start so I don’t think there was a lot there to damage.” He sighed. “But, yeah. You made things uncomfortable for him. I think you know what you did was stupid, and you know why. Don’t you?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, staring at my knees. If Jon had been a girl, I suppose it wouldn’t have gone much better. Caresi trash. “Shouldn’t - shouldn’t let, that stuff, into work stuff. I know.”

I did know - but - well, how often could I expect to meet other people like me? Nice-looking boys who thought I was worth paying attention to? When was that ever going to happen again?

“Uh huh,” he said. “It was a bad judgement call. He’s not going to stop loving you for those, either, thank God or none of us would love anybody anymore in this family.”

That made me smile, which I guess he’d probably intended.

“So that’s about all your dad wanted me to say to you, I think,” he said, clapping his hands together. “The next part is from me.”

“Um. Okay?”

He held his hands steepled in front of his face for a moment, and I could see him sorting out words in his head. “I had this talk with a few of the girls at one point,” he said. “It’s fundamentally not that different.”

I was a little alarmed. “Bren, I’m not a girl…”

“No, and that means there’s a few things you don’t need to worry about,” he agreed. “I’m not expecting you to come home pregnant. But, Ciaran, please bear this in mind for any escapades you might get into in the future. Do not get involved with rich boys or rich men.”

This was not what I’d been expecting. “Huh?”

“Rich men that are employing you are a bad idea for reasons you’ve figured out already, I think, but all of them are trouble,” he said. “Even be careful about boys that maybe aren’t all that rich but aren’t Caresi.”

“That’s not fair,” I protested. “I know lots of non-Caresi people who are -”

“It’s not about them being bad people necessarily, kiddo, it’s about power,” Bren said. He lifted a hand in the air to gesture. “It’s about… if things go bad, like they could have today, who gets left with the consequences and who doesn’t? Who can ruin whose life if they want to? Who can go to the authorities and be believed?”

I frowned. “I mean, honestly? Today? I think Jon got left with the consequences.” I would bet anything that right now Jon was not getting a gentle talk from his favourite uncle about how loved he was, despite making very embarrassing and possibly expensive mistakes.

Bren sighed. “Jon, is that his name? All right. Yeah, Jon’s probably having problems with his family, but not - not the kind of thing I’m talking about. Ciaran, you - your dad was scared today.”

I bit my lip. I knew that.

“If he hadn’t happened to be on site that day,” Bren continued, “Or if Henley hadn’t been able to be talked down - he could have hurt you badly and there wouldn’t be much any of us could have done about it, before or after. What are we going to do, go to the police and tell them this rich landowner had our kid beaten? The police would laugh.”

I wrapped my arms around my knees. “I know. I know.”

Bren reached out and rubbed my shoulder. “Maric told me Jon seemed like a good kid. Took the blame, if Henley was going to lay blame?”

“Yeah,” I said. “He did.” And I’d… made trouble for him, and then left him. It didn’t feel good. Even knowing that there was nothing I could have done about… any of it. “It wasn’t all his idea. It was both of us.”

“Well, I’m glad he’s a good kid,” Bren said gently, “Because if he thought it’d help his position with his father, he could pretty easily have lied and said it was just your idea.”

“But it doesn’t matter whose…”

“I know,” Bren said. “You’re right. But… people get funny about this, Ciaran, the girls get it worse than boys usually. I know you’ve heard people talking. It’s always got to be somebody’s fault. And if you’re…” he hesitated. “There’s nothing wrong with how you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of. But the world won’t always be fair to you.”

Underneath us I could hear the sounds of dishes clattering, people starting to come up the stairs. Sounded like I’d made Bren miss dinner, too.

“No,” I said, looking down at my knees. “I guess I know that.”

“To society at large, someone like Jon?” Bren said. ��His reputation and livelihood and well-being is more important than yours is. And it’s very easy for him to hurt you. Even if he never would hurt you, he could. That’s what I’m talking about.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair, looking tired. “You’re young, and I know this is a lot to think about. I don’t mean to depress you, or frighten you, or any of that. I just… I don’t want you to walk into situations where you don’t have power because somebody tells you it doesn’t matter or that love will fix it. It does, and it won’t.”

I wasn’t sure I understood the future that Bren was picturing for me, that this was advice he needed to give me. It seemed like it only applied to a narrow circumstance that wasn’t likely to happen again.

But the rest of it, I got. The world won’t be fair to you, so be careful who you trust.

“All right,” I said, trying to smile. “I’ll be careful, Uncle Bren. I promise.”

“Good lad,” he said, giving me a one-armed hug. “Now, I think they’ve saved you some food. Why don’t we head down and see?”

[sunnywalnut]

Finished watching Dead Boy Detectives. Here are my honest thoughts.

-If you're going into it expecting another Good Omens, stop. Our protagonists are all minors. Teenagers. They cuss, they have total dirty mouths and sexual humor, but they are not eternal beings pretending to be middle aged men. They're ghosts. Dead Boys, if you will. Also this might be a stretch, but I'm assuming from the slightly less good CGI that the budget for this series was a LOT less than what it was for GO

-Edwin is kind of a dick in the first episode. But it's okay. Because character growth is swag.

-REALISTIC CHARACTER GROWTH!!! I liked Edwin a LOT more during the second episode BECAUSE of the character growth. And honestly? It's completely natural that bro is more than a little prickly after only being able to trust one guy for an extremely long time. Fair enough my guy. Carry on.

- this show kinda has Nimona vibes. If that makes sense. Witty humor, somewhat sexual dialogue, funny moments during serious times, though geared towards a younger audience. If you like those kinds of things, you will like this, I'm sure of it.

- In the early episodes, the pacing/character relationships feel a little off??? I'm not sure if that was because I was expecting another Good Omens or what. But after 2-3 episodes, the dust quickly settled and we got into the actual storyline. Which was extremely appreciated✨

-these villains are FUCKED up. I'm telling you. They are HORRIFIC. Had me squirming and cringing through their intense scenes. And gosh. That was a TRIP.

-TY TENANT PLAYS THE MAIN GUY EDWIN!!!! And he plays him WELL. I did not realize this going in to the show and thought his face was VERY familiar. Only after I looked it up did I realize why. He's our sassy son of Job. (EDIT: turns out Ty plays the Doom Patrol version. Not the one on Netflix. My bad! They do look pretty similar though, so ykw. Great casting. Also my point still stands. This guy is a pretty fuckin awesome actor. 10/10)

-Cat King is such a wild card holy SHIT.

-Charles is cute as fuck. His backstory HURTS. But also. I love the way his ears look. Like in the pictures that I saw of him they were of when the Cat King impersonated him so I was like oh chill. So he's got pointed ears bc feline but NOPE. He's just like that!! And honestly? Slay. I fuckin love it.

-oh did I mention tragic backstories???? Yeah we got those :D for everyone :D

-Niko is the best and I love her. Also I love how the letters on her desk are written in Japanese. That is a VERY nice touch of character building.

-hot butcher lady with throat tattoo

All in all. A truly delightful series and I genuinely hope it gets another season because I NEED to know what happens next. My little sister LOVED it and the ending had us all staring open mouthed at the TV screen in shock.

This 15yo girl is literally ranting my ear off, having adventures with the Dead Boys in her dreams and chatting with me about it, searching up fanfics and drawing fanart, the whole shabang. And it is DIFFICULT for this girl to get into shows like this. So honestly? This is perfect. Thank you, Neil. For giving us a whole other banger.

That being said. If anybody else has some younger siblings that are around 15-17 and are looking for shows to binge watch together, this is the perfect one. I'm telling you, you will NOT regret it (except maybe emotionally)

Thoroughly recommend.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 14

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

New book new book! Can you believe I am on book three already? Holy heck, time has flown by.

I thought I would switch up my tea process today with a new cup but also I wanted to show off my collection XD We bought some new and some refill teas from the ren faire yesterday (one of our favourite localish tea blenders) and what a collection my partner and I have amassed. I didn't realize how huge it was until I snapped the pic- it feels very at home apothecary LOL

I went with a lady grey latte and instead of my heart mug I was feeling the spooky vibes and and using my mug by Jaxx b. I have a few other handmade mugs I might start featuring because they are fun as heck!

I've rambled enough about my tea and mug let's get into this chapter!

okay right away bless MXTX for doing such a good job immediately place setting. We are in the demon realms! p9

oof. the energy between Luo BInghe and Shen Qingqiu is so uncomfortable right now. Neither of them saying anything. I am intrigued to see how they sort through this. I know they are end game but like- this is so awkward. p9

oh gosh. Luo Binghe 10000% modeled the room he is basically locking SQQ in after the Bamboo House. Yes SQQ, there most definitely is meaning in it being familiar. p10

So. LOL SQQ's rationale. Instead of "looking too much like a respectable woman kidnapped by a ruffian" p. 10 is to essentially play gay chicken?

RIP well, luo binghe did find out about the blood. so sexually charged though in the way he decided to find out. p11

How is Luo Binghe even surprised that after SQQ being treated this way that he requests that Luo Binghe never see him/see him as little as possible? What did he even expect would happen here?? p12 There is a lot of trust broken between these two.

oh? System feature upgrade? p13

LOL "luxury edition" p14 There must be fanfics about SQQ kept trophy husband

omg what kind of novels was SQQ's sister reading XD those are some wild fantasies. pp14-15

SQQ: "I will not have stockholm syndrome" okay buddy, we will see what happens with your 'luxury edition' p15

oh luo binghe, that sweet baby boy is having them plant bamboo and is cooking SQQ's meals.p16 this would be even cuter if they talked about things instead of having such a weird dynamic.

Jesus Christ. Shang Qinghua enters again. How does this man stealth so well when he is kind of an idiot? I feel like terrible decisions and bad luck follow him everywhere- but he is just slippery enough to get away. p17

LOL SQQ: Your protagonist turned gay. Shang Qinghua: eh, it's fine as long as I'm not the love interest. sucks to be you. p18

okay but I want to know how deep the info of this world goes. Where does it pool the information to generate everything- just published content OR is it everything and anything Airplane thought about or created (ie the lost computer files about Luo Binghe's dad) p19

uuuugh not another interruption- I feel for you SQQ, I too want to know what he was going to say about your tragic backstory in the original edit. p22

Airplane really said 'no homo' "That man of yours is here. Let's do it later- wait, I mean let's chat later" p22

okay okay okay! The boys are talking for real about their mutual deception of one another. Is this the path to them figuring their shit out?? Maybe they will talk about their trust issues. p23

Okay I am with Luo Binghe on this- it did feel as though SQQ completely did a 180 on fundamental life beliefs RE: no one is inherently evil because of their race. p23. So I understand Luo Binghe here- I am glad they are talking.

OMG pp24-25

well. that escalated quickly LOL pp24-25

Luo Binghe probably "hit me harder daddy shizun" p26 +500 satisfaction points.

is Luo binghe going to assault him 😭😭😭😭 this is not it. that was not cool that entire part was so gross "If shizun see's me as no better than a beast either way, I might as well live up to expectations" p27

thank fuck all of that was interrupted, but also now i'm deeply concerned for SQQ!!!! is it the other demon blood? Is it past (young SQQ) trauma?? What's happening?? (no one actually answer this I 1000% know it will be resolved in due time, but I am having a panic about the guy).

Well that's not good at all

this was one rollercoaster of an opening act omg. Not a good time for everyone involved at the end there. I am VERY glad SQQ was not assaulted but I am SRESSED now for other reasons.

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

Spoilers for Cales past and a ss of a few paragraphs of chapter 695

Cale hates when people sacrifice themselves. He hates when they push themselves too hard, especially for him.

Because that’s what happened with Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo, isn’t it?

Cale was supposed to die. They sacrificed themselves for him, and he lived, and now he gets visibly upset when people try to do things that are similar.

What does he think about when he sees people work themselves till they faint? It’s stupid. Not just because it’s not healthy, but because it’s sacrificial. He hates martyrs. He hates it when they’re his friends.

Cale has a weird complex, right? Sacrificing himself left and right, fainting, but not allowing anyone else to do the same? Hypocrite, right?

(Chapter 695)

This is weird, isn’t it? This complete lack of awareness is concerning! It’s almost as if he’s oblivious to the fact that he does the same thing all of the time!

To everyone else, yes, this situation with the crown Prince fainting after using all of his mana is a perfect parallel to Cale using his ancient powers too much and going into a coma.

But Cale doesn’t see his actions in the same light! He really isn’t trying to sacrifice himself 90% of the time! The collateral damage (fainting, bleeding, pain) is usually not part of his prediction, and if it is, it’s more than he expected.

His intentions and thoughts are always about keeping his friends safe, and he’s okay with coughing up a bit of blood to do that! Just a bit, maybe enough that it will look scary but it won’t hurt him in the long run and that’s okay.

If he faints? It wasn’t planned, so it’s not really sacrifice. Maybe a little but he’s selfish enough already, it’s the least he can do, honestly.

When Cale puts himself in danger it’s for selfish reasons. Self-declared selfishness, but that’s how he sees it.

Cale doesn’t sacrifice himself. Everything he does is because he chose to! He chose to. If it doesn’t hurt too bad, he doesn’t consider it as doing much at all. The level of pain he experiences in every situation is his way of determining how much he’s ‘accomplished against his will’ (sacrificed).

Not only that but there are circumstances he must be in to even consider it of consequence to other people. If it doesn’t happen while someone’s in danger, it doesn’t really matter, does it? He doesn’t understand why someone would be asking about his well-being. He doesn’t plan to let anything that happens affect his plans, so there’s no reason for them to worry.

If he’s not on a battlefield, all of the effort he puts in?

(ancient powers) (strengthening his friends) (being in pain and pushing through it) (planning and strategizing) (so, so much more)

It doesn’t count. He is familiar with meticulously and extensively optimizing his time, because as KRS, monsters attack indiscriminately. Being prepared and working hard to be strong is nothing when compared to the battle soon to come, therefore, it doesn’t count as “work.” It’s what is expected. It is the basic standard for what is required to survive.

Where everyone sees Cale working nonstop for weeks and months and years, it’s a normal weekend for him. Those days outside of battle don’t count. He worked like that for 15 years, so much stress is easy for him.

But- why doesn’t he recognize that he pushes himself until he faints? There’s a threshold that he passes where he faints, but he still keeps crossing it?

Well, because he’s the protagonist and- often, our only source of information for what happens in this world- narratively, he tends to stay awake and only faints when the battle is coming to a close, or has just closed. If the battle ends, his presence isn’t of vital importance, so it’s fine if he was unconscious for a little bit. Other times it’s involuntary and a result of his body’s terrible condition or outside forces.

He doesn’t recognize his fainting as sacrificial because as long as the battle ends on a good note and he’s still able to think and plan relatively soon after he wakes up, he hasn’t sacrificed much other than time. He also has Vitality of the Heart, which lets him feel rejuvenated after a ‘nap.’

You see, Cale Henituse is interesting. He doesn’t know how to distinguish being selfish and selfless because being selfless is, in itself, an act of selfishness. When Cale (from the perspective of his friends) ruins his health and runs from battle to battle without resting or thinking about his friends concern— it’s pretty selfish of him.

While everyone else considers him selfless, he thinks of himself as doing the “obvious” amount of work and being selfish too. That much work is expected of him, so it isn’t selfless. It’s all for his own gain, because when everything is over, he’ll be the one going away to slack off in a forest. Ha!He’s seven steps ahead of everyone (and on the verge of collapse).

How trashy.

So to answer the question? Cale doesn’t notice his own sacrifices because he feels that:

1) his intentions remain solely selfish, so fainting and coughing up blood is just something he needs to do to get closer towards his goal.

2) anything that occurs outside of battle does not count as sacrifice because it does not affect how his plans will pan out, and everything he does is just a normal amount of work for him.

3) fainting is not on his list of to-dos, it happens without his consent- constantly- and it is very annoying because it’s an unpredictable variable, but thankfully it happens when the battle is almost over/already over so it’s not really fainting. It’s like taking a nap! Involuntarily, but at least it’s sort of convenient.

4) being overly selfless is selfish, and selfish = bad, so Cale is a Bad Person and Complete Trash. Look at Cale, selfishly wanting his friends and his homeland to be safe so that he can retire. Bastard!

So, turns out his inability to realize the irony of his statements is because of the traumatizing 16 years of mental conditioning where pushing himself over the edge is normal and expected, spurred on by his socially isolated past that led to a lack of empathy and emotional awareness, and his two closest friends sacrificing themselves for him after his ability couldn’t predict the situation accurately enough.

Wow, it was the trauma all along…

€<><><><><>o

{>>>O=

^^^ my attempts at fish

Anyway, here is a compilation of my favorite Cale moments :D find it under the cut :3 they’re angsty :v spoilers ofc

Chapter 258 ^

Chapter 259 ^

Chapter 303 ^

Chapter 420 ^

Chapter 560 ^

Chapter 584 ^

Chapter 656 ^

[lilitblaukatz]

Librarygate addition from the time-unrelated side

Richie's joking. But I'm not.

We know that the Duffers are huge Stephen King fans.

There are three significant library arcs in Stephen King's works which I can remember (add if you can, please): the novella "The Library Policeman" (1990, one of the FOUR HOUR STRIKES (the third) in "FOUR past midnight" collection); and two belong to "It": Mike Hanlon was a librarian, but also Ben Hanscom has a big arc with the Derry Library.

I will start with Ben (he is a part of our love triangle parallel after all). Ben's ties to the Derry Library are shown both in miniseries and in recent movies, but to know the full story you of course need to read the book. I've read it two times and the last one was about 15 years ago, so forgive me for any wrong memories (pun intended).

1.. Ben loved the Derry Library. Not only because he was lonely and it was a place he could spend time. He liked to learn, he had good relationship with the librarian. But most of all he liked the bridge part between the two library buildings (idk how to call it in English, that part joins the children library and the grown'ups one with well-lit warm hall with glass sides and roof, probably?). When Ben grew up, he built a building based on that hall and got an architect award for it. He liked the hall because you could use it to go from one library to another even in the winter and be warm and dry and look at all the cold and snow outside. It is probably a metaphor for that tween period of life King loves so much that most of his kid characters end up being eaten by monsters about 11-12.

Ben had bad things happen to him there as well. I don't really remember the accident with the boy and easter eggs in the book, but Ben was really scared of that photograph and the story of Kitcheners' blow up and killing a hundred of kids. Also when he was staying late helping the librarian one winter night, he saw Pennywise on the ice when Ben was crossing the river by the bridge. Yeah, that same bridge Adrian Mellon was thrown from years after Ben's encounter.

But also Ben wrote that poem about Beverly's hair in the library :)

2.. Mike Hanlon. Mike was a fellow loser to Ben. He was interested in Derry history as a kid and figured out that awful things happen in Derry every 27 years for centuries. He grew up and became a librarian in Derry Library. He was the one with his memories intact and called all the Losers when It came back 27 years later.

3.. Library Policeman. It is a hard story. I've read it when I was a kid myself, maybe 12, 13? Years later I remembered the chill and re-read it. It was still years from now so yeah, I'll do what I can with Wikipedia not helping much.

The protagonist of the novella is Sam. When Sam was a child, he was r*ped in the bushes outside of his hometown library by a man who called himself the Library Policeman who punish children who don't return their books on time. At another place, where grown-up Sam lives, he needs some books from the local library for the first time since his childhood. He accidentaly destroys the books after he uses them and then supernatural stuff start to happen. The entity calling itself the Library Policeman is terrorizing him, and the old librarian who gave him the books is long dead. That woman was not human. It is a monster who is feeding on childrens' fear.

Sam, his friend with whom he falls in love with, and a former lover of the librarian are on the mission to defeat the monster, who wants a NEW HOST to attach itself to, like a parasite. The former lover DIES while helping Sam and his friend, the monster manages to attach itself to the friend's neck and Sam saves her by pulling it off of HER NECK and throwing it under the wheels of upcoming train where it is smashed out of existence. It is a heartbreaking moment: he makes her to look forward and recite a poem or count, I don't remember, while standing behind her he lifts her hair and sees this thing on her neck (which causes some personality changes in her or just a headache I don't remember sorry), and he takes it off when the train is almost there and throws... This monster was compared to a spider too (the flesh form of It was a spider). I like the idea that it is a soteria in Will's neck, but I'm afraid it can be a part of the Mind Flayer.

So we have Hopper and Joyce go into the Upside Down through the Lab gate to find Will. S01 was heavily influenced by Alien and the Duffers don't just do an homage, they use easter eggs and parallels in the plot.

The first thing Hopper finds in the UD (the first thing Ben Hanscom had found in the sewers… was an orange Pennywise pom-pom when he was a child and red Audra Denbrough's purse as an adult) is a busted-out-of egg which is of course an egg a facehugger is grown in.

Who was born from that egg in the Stranger Things is unclear. Could be a demogorgon. Dragons lay eggs btw.

Then Joyce and Hopper inspect the Castle Byers remnants, go to Byers' house where amazed Jonathan recognizes his mother in the lights and Joyce hear him calling her gently. It is irrelevant here but fascinating. Then they follow the trace of blood into the Hawkins Public Library.

There is some kind of lair. It is similar to both the egg lair in the Alien and in the Aliens.

The difference is that in Aliens Momma is still around. Also we have cocooned corpses in the Aliens too:

Stranger things s01e08:

It's all of course from the Aliens and It: Hopper and Joyce parallel the couple from Aliens who found the ship with the eggs, the death of the father points to Hopper's future death.

Joyce finds Will like Ripley finds Newt in the lair, cocooned:

Bill Denbrough finds his wife Audra in the lair, cocooned.

But whose lair is it?!

Vecna had his lair in his old house, where he was being charged in a dock like an electronic toy...

Flesh form of It (the Spider) layed eggs in its lair which Losers destroyed (sadly, not on screen in both the miniseries and the movies) by stepping on them.

Alien Queen layed eggs in its lair which Ripley destroyed (by fire!)

Who lays those eggs (we saw one) in the UD? Whose lair is in the library???

And just what else I have on the place: Will was FOUND in the library on Nov 12th, but the sign says (Vote here) Nov. 6th when he was taken walked willingly disappeared. So can library be a part of his dissapearance too? Or even in the first place.

Dragons steal princesses and keep them in their lairs too...

King's prototype of It was a troll from a fairytale, who lives under the bridge and eats children. Do trolls eat princesses? I'm not that familiar with foreign folklore...

And the last but not least:

Team Tigers vs team Falcons:

(the shots of the library with pigeons and then pigeons were followed by shots of Joyce in her car arriving at Melvalds s01e02)

Many noticed the stalker shots and Vecna's parallels to birds.

Birds were absolutely the spies in the Duma Key by Stephen King.

[yuseirra]

Mentioned this too earlier

but the god that's mentioned in ch 147 is a "he". I really do think it's Kamiki that's granted Ruby's wishes then and there. What other "god" can there be? What shrine were they praying at? Was it Amenouzume and Sarutahiko's shrine again?

The way he listens to his daughter, it just feels like HE's the one who could grant her wishes for her. That whole chapter gave off a really strange feeling even when I first read it. I really do think he wanted to bless his children one last time before he decided he could go see Ai, what was he going to do?? He SAID he was okay with rotting away with all the lives he carried back then??? Isn't what's happening in 162 EXACTLY THAT? He went to see Aqua after having said that, so I'm assuming he wanted to see Aqua too then. Watch that movie about him and Ai and congratulate him??

and then he finds out Ai's loved him all along and decides no, there's something he should do for Ai's sake and walks out, this wasn't what he had initially planned. He never saw that coming.

The whole chain of events that follows is pretty weird. What was actually going on this guy's head? What was he going to do for Ai? I don't think he would have planned to sacrifice Ruby or something if he really did get her message but?

What would have happened if he DIDN'T see Ai's video then? What was he originally planning to do? Tbh I thought he went to visit his children one last thing before going to see Ai/die in her place as a sacrifice of some sort

but upon seeing how she cared for him, gave up on all that? What he had been doing for the past 15 years since he realized she wanted him to live??? and decided to watch Ruby's show but, I have no idea actually because things went WILD after that and;; the focus is and should be on Aqua I guess and they say he's evil and is beyond saving and all,

so what was going on?? what was he planning to do?? what was he up to?? it's not.. still not explained AT all actually!!! But this is an event that directly leads up to the ending!!! Shouldn't THIS be explained at least??? If they don't do that in the last ep??? this piece of work will not make sense!! We won't know what the actual heck's been happening and they won't.. be able to do it.; They won't be able to explain anything even if they have 100 pages. Kamiki needs AN ENTIRE BOOK TO HIMSELF. Not because I favor him (I kind of do), it's because we don't know!! We don't know what's been going on regarding him in the story!! We need to understand what's been happening and; his role IS pretty crucial; he's the one that's brought about a major conflict that directly leads to the ending. It's just really clumsy and bad writing if it's this empty without a proper closure to it. What exactly was going on?? What do we make of him? If he's something our protagonist must risk everything to take down shouldn't we know what's actually been happening about him in detail? but there are not enough pages AT ALL!! AT ALL. It's not going to be enough. It's unfair to the readers who came in looking for a resolution. I want to know the truth and how things really are...

[e-thonrudwrites]

Writblr Introduction

I’ve seen so many writblr introductions that I wanted to do one!

P.S., it’s a long one.

So I got into writing (as a hobby, even though I’ve always loved creating stories as a kid) thanks to an old bully of mine in Swedish eighth grade. I wrote my first queer characters, in my first English WIP ever. It was a fanfic/AU of She-hulk and other Marvel characters, and of course I posted that bad boy on Wattpad and think it got 80k views over the year on something I’ve never finished. I remember being so nervous about making my FMC fall in love with another woman and for them to care for each other. In retrospect, it probably had to do a lot with trying to figure out my sexuality. But as soon as I did it I felt such relief, and I’ve never looked back on writing straight MCs.

But how does this connect with my writing journey and who I’m today? Well, I’m 23 yo, and my English is better, and that’s coming from someone who’s dyslexic, heck I think I can spell better and have a more advanced language in English than in Swedish which is ironic that it’s my native language. But genre wise nowadays, I write MM Romance in a bunch of different sub genres: romcom, fantasy/sci-fi, thriller, and a bit of horror. And ever since my disability progressed, I’ve tried to incorporate disability in my stories — have bad ass characters that just happen to limp. It’s not the end of the world and that’s what I wanna read.

Which is the most important thing I learned as a 16 yo kid posting on Wattpad and getting the social anxiety and burnout of posting there. Write for yourself. Write what you wanna read. Which has made me connect so much more with my stories and characters, especially when writing a WIP as RUINS OF DAWN and letting myself lean into the darkness I’ve always enjoyed as a kid.

But one of the negative things I know my bullying has affected me in is I know no one’s gonna care about what I write because I’m who I am. Because I’m me. And that’s why it took me so much time in to figure out that I can, and I’m allowed to send queries to agents. That just because I’m me doesn’t make it that anyone else who’s ace, queer, and/or disabled can’t connect with the characters and see a glimpse of themselves. Because that is what RUINS OF DAWN is for me. It’s a book for my 15 yo self that loved all the grimy and gory stuff, who was not feeling good or understood why I was feeling like this around people. Though RUINS OF DAWN is not for people under 18, but if I know myself, a bit of blood and spicy scenes wouldn’t have stopped me. My favorite and comfort movie is WARM BODIES. A damn zombie movie, though the books are more horrifying.

So what is RUINS OF DAWN then? Well, it’s the WIP I’m currently laying all my focus on getting done and ready for beta reading, and the one I’m gonna try to query.

RUINS OF DAWN is a dark sci-fi romance thriller, set in 1962 after the Cubs crisis has gone nuclear. It follows Ed Johnston, our Time manipulating protagonist who gets forced by the NTIA—an organization created by the President to watch supers (Psst, think of an organization corrupted like the TVA from LOKI)—to meet the Director, and where he meets his ex-lover the waiting room. It’s enemies-to-lovers, second chance with similar horror elements as Isaac Marion’s THE BURNING WORLD.

#ownvoicesdisability #ownvoiceschronicpain #ownvoicesqueerness

Comp-titles for RUINS OF DAWN: V. E. Schwab’s VICIOUS, Amal El-Mohtar THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE THE TIME WAR, Greg Rucka’s THE OLD GUARD, MOONKNIGHT (2022), DEADPOOL (2016), L. J Hayward’s WHERE DEATH MEETS THE DEVIL, Isaac Marion’s THE BURNING WORLD.

So if you like the X-MEN, THE WATCHMEN or anything to do with superheroes and time loops and time travel, then I hope you’ll follow me on my journey to get this bad boy published.

Also, I’d gladly get to know more writers. My life is definitely lacking writing buddies, because authors supporting other authors is the best thing ever.

[stampstamp]

Finished re-reading F*shigi Y*gi part 1 and the first and final arcs still spark joy so I'll keep my collection but volumes 9-11 were so frustrating that I'm gonna roast them a little under the cut (and be a bit critical of other aspects that don't hold up 30 years on)

Major spoilers and references to SA in the series under the cut! (And it's a super long rant!)

The dip in quality from 9 onwards was such a shame! The plot just turns into various enemies trying to rape the 15-year-old protagonist for three volumes! Not to be a pearl clutcher but Watase says the target demographic is middle school - junior high students and there's just a whole arc where:

It's implied that Nakago raped Miaka. It's later revealed he didn't manage to penetrate her and everyone is like 'oh phew! 😄' and her traumatic nightmares about her memories of him stripping her and pinning her down before she fainted just stop. 🤦

Also, in the author note alongside that part Watase comments that things are getting dark but points out that we've just learned that Yui didn't actually get raped by strangers so it's not all bad. Mate, your protagonist is being assaulted?? We can't take much solace in that revelation right now!

Then there's a bit where Amiboshi climbs on top of her while she's sleeping naked and kisses her without her consent (his parents had drugged her).

Meanwhile, Soi disguises herself as Miaka and tries to seduce Tamahome. I know it's a product of it's time but ughh the way Tamahome almost getting raped is handled so differently to scenes where Miaka is assaulted - it's awful. And there's also a 'gag' parody page where it replicates the scene where Tamahome found Miaka after she's been assaulted by Nakago but makes it look like one of the gay characters had raped Tamahome.

After his comrades have failed to take her virginity and stop her from summoning Suzaku, Tomo, who Watase confirms is gay, also tries to rape Miaka. 😑

In the last volume, Watase shares the ideas that there wasn't space for and they were so good 🥲 maybe you could have removed one of the SA scenes or one of the twenty times Miaka or Tamahome breaks it off and runs away to protect the other?

I used to like the author notes but this time they kept rubbing me the wrong way. Watase would say things like 'too bad we HAVE to spank our tiny terrier puppy to discipline it 🫤' or share racist travelogues about trips to China.

But it's kind of funny that in the author notes, Watase hinted at shipping Tamahome and Nakago 😂 never really gushed about how much she loved Tamahome/Miaka as a ship though. I quite like Keisuke/Tamahome as a ship - they got on well.

I was thinking about ranting about how Nuriko is handled but that's hard because 1. 90s 2. Another culture 3. Watase later came out as X gender so the offensive character notes were probably well intentioned and might be regretted now? 4. The translators had to do the usual thing of deciding which pronouns the character that's almost certainly trans would use, while also translating jokes that implied Nuriko is simply crossdressing for funsies and deciphering whatever the hell happened in vol 8 where Nuriko decided to be cis and in love with Miaka for a chapter or two.

I started shipping Tasuki and Nuriko this time and I was delighted to see 20 whole fics on AO3 but almost all of them misgender Nuriko. Maybe the anime subbers used different pronouns or Nuriko's backstory was different in the anime? Watase said someone did a Tasuki/Nuriko doujin and they wanted to read it. Same!

I used to think I wasn't attached to most of the Suzaku warriors beyond Tasuki because I'd re-read the first few volumes way more times than the rest but Watase really didn't give the others much to say or do! 😬 I feel sorry for the fans of Mitsukake(?) Apparently there were lots of Hotohori fans but I always found him creepy; despite his gentle actions, he never seemed to listen to Miaka's wishes. Yandere behaviour. Lucky for me he wasn't in it much (I also feel sorry for his fans lmao)

Forgot how much character death there was towards the end. It's impressive that Watase included characters from the Genbu and Byakko arcs decades before they were written IRL. I don't think I'll read those since FY suggests they ended badly? I wonder if much was retconned.

[928-2099]

honestly if i was in miguel o'hara's shoes in atsv i would probably not be able to keep my calm for as long as he did like that man was FED UP. he wanted miles to understand the pain he experienced from destroying an entire dimension so bad and the lengths that all the different spider people are going thru to prevent more problems and miles really said nah my dad is more important than literally anyone else ever!!! like he only told miles the truth that he's the anomaly bc he was tired of chasing him after talking didn't work! literally i would also be like "who do u think u r?!?!? like u think ur smarter than literally hundreds or thousands of other spidermans???"

(except for the throwing the trash can, that was uncalled for miles had no idea what he did wrong. also the caging him was bad but like i said i get it... like if ur feeling responsible for literally saving all the universes that would be an appropriate response to a real threat but i think more talking could have happened)

also i feel like a lot of the takes i see are probably younger people but when people are like "miles is a lil 15 year old boy, miguels beating up a lil small lil child" like that doesn't really matter when ur a superhero with superhero responsibilities not to mention miles' response was very childish like 15 means ur old enough to understand things... like he was old enough to fight back and escape and stuff because they're superheros... lets not act like the age thing matters in any way besides reflecting emotional maturity

anyway thats why i LOVED jess in this movie bc shes working with miguel and knows the deal with miles and gwen but she takes gwen in anyways and extends a lot of compassion i feel. and in the end when shes so sad about gwen saying "we're supposed to be the good guys" i loved that

anyway sorry for the ramble its almost 3am and im probably gonna eat my words when btsv comes out and inevitably our protagonist miles gets a happy ending and thereby miguel is wrong in someway or something but i really appreciated the antagonist not being a villain

i really liked that the kids act like kids like gwen makes so many mistakes and miles reacts so normally for a 15 year old and pav being so cocky and naive and hobie just sayin stuff and causing problems ugh i love them all so much

just a wonderful movie all round

[maroonghoul]

Ranking of all the Christmas Horror Movies I’ve seen (as of 2022)

From worst to best (subjectively):

26: Alien Raiders (2008): There are Christmas decorations you see early on in the grocery store setting, so it counts. Just kind of a hostage thriller, that turned out to be sorta The Thing. Liked the twist ending a bit ,though.

25: Anna & the Apocalypse: I wish I can remember this more, especially the songs.

24: Better Watch Out: Way too effective in making you HATE the villain. Though in hindsight, they got off too easy.

23: Good Tidings: I went in thinking this would be more like a yuletide rip off of the Purge movies. But, we once again get those escaped lunatic tropes I’m not too fond of. It didn’t help that there were way too many points where they blew a chance to off one of these psycho killer Santas. I know that’s one of the themes they were going for. But you couldn’t done more to incapacitate one of them.

22: The Wolf of Snow Hollow: The werewolf reveal is a bit of a letdown, but between those scenes, I was morbidly enjoying our disaster of a human being we had in our protagonist. He really couldn’t do anything right.

21: Jack Frost (1997): Mostly enjoyable goofy slasher movie. But it loses on two points; It’s most famous scene has aged horribly, and the climax takes forever to finish him off. 

20: Slay Belles: This might’ve been the cheapest one of the whole bunch; it looked it. You can tell most of the money went to the Krampus suit, though that’s probably the right call. Plot doesn’t even make whole lot of sense, but after a while, you just don’t care.

19: All the Creatures were Stirring: Pretty out there anthology. I’m pretty sure each segment is meant to be a Horror-Comedy. I got a special kick out of one having a certain famous Christmas character being a killer (I won’t spoil)

18: Sint: More like a killer St. Nicholas movie. Probably the most threatening of these considering he has an army he can besieged a whole city with. Not crazy about anyone dressing up as Black Pete, but at least they get offed.

17: The Lodge: “F around and find out”

16: Black Christmas (2019): This one feels like it has even less to do with Christmas then the original (Yes, that’s part of my criteria). What was subtext before is text here, for better or for worse. Not a bad idea, though maybe we could’ve had more fun in making these villains more pathetic. 

15: Body (2015): If this isn’t a example of when to drop a toxic friend, I don’t know what is. It’s low because Christmas is only used to explain why the house is deserted.

14: Dead End: The most surreal family breakdown of all time

13: Silent Night (2012): Never saw the 1984 original. I know, how dare I?. Effective enough yule-themed slasher, I suppose.

12: Wind Chill: Kind of a Hitchcockian set up ambushed by a good old fashioned ghost story. Considering the holiday’s history, it’s sad there’s not more supernatural Christmas horror films like this these days. Bonus points for using carols as a plot point. I didn’t think they would keep tying it in once the characters were stuck. Also, another ACAB movie. Always good.

11: Christmas Bloody Christmas: first half is a realistic hang out between two friends. second half is the Terminator: Yuletide edition. Good kills, but it could’ve been even more messed up.

10: Santa’s Slay: Remember when they tried to make wrestlers into Slasher villains for a while? Kinda dull plot, but Bill Goldberg is at least fun and the kills are fun.

9: The Children: Little kids really can be the worst.

8: Rare Exports: Not my favorite killer Santa movie, but easily the most well-thought out.

7: A Christmas Horror Story: The stories are hit and miss, especially the endings. But yeah, the North Pole one is the best.

6: Deadly Games: While the premise is bonkers as presented, it also makes me a bit sad. This psychotic homeless man just wanted someone to play with if you think about it, but he’s clearly disturbed so people just keep passing him off until this happens. And that poor kid! Not only did he lose his dog, but he thinks he ruined Christmas at the end because he had to kill Santa! Though I think it proves my point where killer Santas are at their best either terrorizing kids or being helped by them.

5: Christmas Evil: The American Psycho of killer Santa movies. An early take that to the over-commercialization of Christmas and actually keeps the killer somewhat sympathetic even after he snaps and becomes homicidal. Side note, my theory on the ending is that he actually died.

4: Krampus: Christmas Vacation invaded by Gremlins! The amount of effort put in by this movie has spoiled me for all Christmas horror that has come after it. Michael Dougherty’s films need time to sink in for me. It didn’t help with the confusing ending. But even if it’s not the best Christmas Horror film, based on it’s look, themes, variety of killers, and Dickensian story beats, it might be the most Christmassy.

3: Scrooged: This counts just for A Christmas Carol in general, but I mention this one just on being the most effectively scary, even if I don’t buy Bill Murray as a changed man at the end quite. While it’s an old enough story to make fun of and pick apart, an effective enough modern update can remind us that it’s, at it’s heart, not just a ghost story, but a character breakdown and a psychological horror. Did I truly befriend or look up to people who would steer me wrong? Just because I do believed in the cynicism I am championing and subjecting to other people, is that not enough to make me righteous?  Who am I really to the people in my life when I’m not in the room? And ultimately, If I don’t care, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s the essential Christmas story, because it’s about a simple thing; As long as you can act, it’s never too late. So before it looks like things are about to get worst: muster up a little courage, be willing to unlearn toxic habits, reach out to those you depend on, and of course, put a little love in your heart.

2: Black Christmas (1974); One of the original true Slasher movies. And still one of the creepiest. Also, definitely the kind of movie that were it released today would be called “woke”. (pro-abortion, male entitlement being a theme, etc.)

1: Gremlins: A stereotypical picturesque Christmas Movie setting invaded by the monstrous embodiment of the OG Winter Solstice holiday, Saturnalia (look it up). Works as a metaphor of the toll uncontrolled tourism can have on certain places, especially during the holidays. Plus, who doesn’t think Gizmo is cute? 

That’s all the ones I can remember so hopefully that’s all of them. If I forgot one or I see a new one, I’ll do a follow-up saying where it would land on here. I might make a more in-depth post about my feelings for Christmas next week.

[mirqmarq428]

Mir reviews:

Anchorman: the legend of Ron Burgundy

This is one of those movies that your dad shows you when you're 15 and he remembers it as good manly fun but you feel icky sitting thru it and feel bad for laughing at its jokes, then mostly forget about the bad parts when 5 years later you notice that it's free with your cracked youtube app. Just me? No. According to youtube, it's somehow rated PG-13. Different times, man.

Tl;dr: this one is worse than you remember. 4/10

le Plot:

Will Ferrell plays the titular protag-kun, a popular local news anchorman. His news team is a deeply closeted gay cowboy, this mostly reasonable cologne fanatic, and an autist whose IQ is canonically 43.

The actual protagonist of the film is burgundy's "love" "interest" whose name I forgot already since her name isn't on the poster. Her dream is to anchor on national news, and she will have to stand up to institutional sexism, personal misogyny, and casual sexual harassment at every turn.

She is hired on, the boys all make moves on her, she fights them back brilliantly. Ron doesn't just want her body, he "loves" her (meaning, he wants sex but would like to be all romantic about it). Through a fair amount of bullshittery mixed with some genuine chemistry, they hit it off and make out. This is shown thru a short interpretive montage of them riding white unicorns thru heaven over rainbow pathways.

Despite promising to keep their relationship private at work, our "hero" immediately brags to the guys and tries to explain how it feels to be in love.

One day disaster strikes as burgundy is late to work due to being a oblivious pretentious asshole (he throws a burrito out his window while driving and makes the motorcyclist next to him crash, then the biker throws his dog off a bridge as punishment). Despite the men's reservations, our hero fills in for her boyfriend and delivers the news. She's great and everybody loves her. Then Ron barges in and is horrified that a _woman_ (gasp) would take his job. They shout about their misunderstandings for a while.

Despite continuing to work together, their relationship worsens further. Eventually they physically fight, and he is fired and sinks into an alcoholic depression.

End of the movie. Time to shake things up. A panda at the zoo is giving birth, this is the biggest thing to ever happen and must be reported upon. She goes looking for the perfect angle, but a random evil reporter dude knocks her into the pen of Kodiak Bears. They can't find her so end up calling Ron. He glows up quick, gets the band back together, marches down to the zoo, find the girl in with the barely-sleeping bears, and jumps in like a dumbass. His dog returns from presumed watery demise and talks the bear down (dogs and bears share a language in this world ig). They get lifted out and he lets her report on the panda birth. The. Fucking. End. Carry on Wayward Son plays over way-too-short credits (there are lots of cameos I think weird als in this one but I can't find his name on well).

le Review:

4/10 do straight men really?

I liked: her arc. 43 IQ bro was a good guy. The vibe is mostly goofy and whimsical.

The male gaze here is overpoweringly putrid. Burgundy isn't the worst, but he's still pretty bad. There's a point early on when she points out to him that he has a very visible erection in the middle of the office and he hasn't even the sense to be embarrassed.

I guess his arc is accepting that women can be equals in the workplace even if they're sex objects.

I guess her arc is accepting that she can be in love with him _and_ achieve her dream.

"toxic masculinity" is not strong enough to describe this filum. This is Nuclear Masculinity, the all-poisoning radioactive cumstain of Gilgamesh himself (but even less gay somehow).

The ending is reductively egalitarian, to the point of advocating pure tokenism. Yeah this one woman is really good at her job so let's make her a public figure to feel better about ourselves. We care.

Ugh.

[skepticalcatfrog]

I posted 325 times in 2022

40 posts created (12%)

285 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gaylotusthatexists

@charlunday

@ace-kaz-brekker

@its-all-ineffable

@saedii-gilwraeth-simp

I tagged 244 of my posts in 2022

Only 25% of my posts had no tags

#six of crows - 15 posts

#crooked kingdom - 11 posts

#kaz brekker - 8 posts

#the owl house - 6 posts

#aurora cycle - 6 posts

#aurora's end - 6 posts

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Longest Tag: 138 characters

#its about the fact that kaz sees himself in wylan and therefore acts like an older brother figure to him whether that's intentional or not

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Take Me To Church by Hozier is a kanej song

48 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

#4

Every time I think about shadow and bone season 2 I become a little more unhinged

92 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

#3

Hey okay so let's talk about something for a second, which is how Bill Cipher and the Collector are similar but I feel like the Collector is so, SO much worse.

So, the way I see it, Bill and the Collector are both sort of like chaos gods. They manipulate the fabric of the world to favor themselves and what they want, no matter what happens to anyone else. But the thing about Bill is that he is very conscious and aware of what he is doing. He intentionally manipulates people to get what he wants, and he's pretty skilled at what he does.

Now, the reason why I feel like the Collector is a worse threat than Bill is because the Collector is depicted as a child. All they want to do is have fun and play games, and that's what they use their power for. But while Bill knows and encourages the repercussions of his actions, the Collector seems to not take them into account at all. They may not even be aware of those consequences. To them, the world is all fun and games and hey, they can use their power to make it even more fun! That's TERRIFYING. The Collector is so, so, so dangerous and I feel like they'll most definitely be a bigger threat than Belos ever was. Because, to put it simply, they just don't have to care about what happens to people. Let's just cross our fingers that none of our protagonists get on their bad side.

146 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

#2

I think it's time that we as a society accept that "the reason why Jesper likes Wylan is not that he is like Kaz" and "Wylan is like Kaz" are two things that can both be true (and also are)

Like. Yes, it does sort of defeat the whole point when people say "oh haha Jesper likes Wylan because he's like Kaz" because that's not true. In fact, all the reasons Jesper gives for liking Wylan are ways that he's not like Kaz. But also, Wylan definitely is like Kaz in other ways. This is important to me.

203 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This article was ghostwritten by Kaz Brekker

344 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

[dribbonart]

My big Honorverse complaint bag

First thing: I didn’t give Honorverse a proper chance. Once I realized the Haven sections never intersect with the Honor/Manticore sections, I just skimmed them. I’m told this is a mistake, but it’s too late now. I read nine books, now I’m done. I wanted a Horatio Hornblower book, not a series of captains that blow up without ever interacting with the protagonist.

This brings me to my first issue: (Below the fold)

Black Box Haven

Weber has this weird belief that hostile forces simply do not communicate at all. From book one to the end of book nine, Honor briefly interacts with Cordelia Ransom, and that’s it. Despite lots of opportunities for communication, (The Haven captain in book one literally thinks how useful it would be to send a message to Honor’s ship!) they just… don’t. It’s as though there’s an impermeable curtain between Honor’s story and the Haven story. A couple characters cross, but not words. This takes away one of the best things in spaceship stories, the part where the hostile captains face each other on their viewscreens and try to reach some kind of understanding or leverage against each other. Instead it’s just hammering on ships that might as well be staffed by robots. 

Since the bad guys almost always explain the details of their plans to each other, this means that we have to learn about them twice. This is one of the main reasons I stopped reading the Haven parts, I’d much rather find out what’s going on just once from Honor’s perspective.

We’re given dozens of pages about some Haven captain only for them to be destroyed by Honor’s forces without even being aware that something is happening. What’s the point? When I’m told about a character, I want some kind of pay off in proportion to the detail I’m given.

Even the Haven leadership, while suffering enormous losses from a superior foe intent on their extermination, never tries to extend any kind of embassy until the end of book nine. Why? They have nothing to lose by sending an ambassador to ask, “Hey, why are you so intent on killing all of us, and is there anything we could do to dissuade you?” Remember, Manticore has no public war aims! It is a war of extermination, and neither side even tries to gain an edge by the most common thing in international conflict, words. 

When Honor is sent on a mission with an ambassador, everyone treats him as insane for suggesting that they should pursue a diplomatic solution. When he’s talking, people can’t even look him in the eye. He, very sensibly, points out that Grayson and Masada would be better off if they were friends, and the Navy people seem to think that “they hate each other” is proof that peace is impossible. But what’s the Navy’s plan? Have they been reading the chapters that lay out the impending Masada attack?

Info Dumps

Even people that like Honorverse admit this is bullshit, so I’d just add that he infodumps about things other than tech. The history of the Grayson constitution does not need to have an interlude just to have an excuse to give Honor some prize. 

Oh also, someone eyeballs a space battle and says, “our tech people say that Haven has closed the tech gap by 15%, but this looks more like 20%,” which might be the most insane thing in the entire series.

Honor Harrington, you’re right again.

What I would give to have Honor do something, anything wrong. The one thing that’s clearly illegal, (beating Houseman to serious injury) is affirmed by her superior officer as a necessary, but impolitic act. When he says “You did the right thing, Honor Harrington,” he may as well have been giving the series a subtitle. Her only “weakness” is being “bad at math,” which means that when she has to estimate the number of people that can survive in a ship not designed for it, she estimates 1300, instead of the “correct” 1350. (This is genuinely treated as an example of her being bad at math. Possibly the only one?)

Instead of mistakes, Honor makes money. And ranks. And titles. And superpowers. And powerful friends. She’s jumped up three ranks all at once, at a political cost, just so she can be a double admiral, which doesn’t even matter in that book! This is one of the many ways that Honor is an evil mirror of Horatio Hornblower. Horatio is never the greatest guy, he has to struggle to make it in a world that doesn’t care about him. It makes him relatable, and it makes it more interesting to see how he deals with problems that are larger than him. Weber seems to think that this is an error, and a good protagonist is one that gets a new superpower and ten times as much money for every new book.

She loses her first battle in book eleven.

Even before she knows how to use cosmetics, she’s universally seen as unconventionally attractive. Cosmetics let her sand the edge off that “unconventional” and eliminate one more thing that makes her interesting.

Honor becomes a child of two worlds, a very old standard sci-fi concept, but it too is reversed. Instead of Honor being torn between two loyalties, her two nations simply become two separate sources of goodies to make Honor wealthier and more powerful. She’s become an admiral in two different navies, clearly an untenable situation, but no one even seems to think that’s an issue.

Very early in the series, Honor has so much power and prestige that she should be a major player in society, but she’s oddly passive. She still acts like a mid-level soldier that simply reacts to the scenario put in front of her. She barely has likes or interests outside of the military. She likes cocoa, that’s all I can think of.

To make sure that Honor is never wrong, the story has to set up situations so that they align with her desires. When Honor refuses to follow an ambassador’s orders, there happens to be someone else in charge of the mission to countermand those orders. Her duel with Pavel Young is a great example. She decides to shoot Pavel even though he is helpless. This would be an interesting character moment! But! Honor cannot be allowed to be questioned, so the laws of dueling are such that Pavel would have been summarily executed anyway, so she’s not actually doing anything wrong.

Just imagine how much more interesting it would have been to have Honor choose to kill Pavel, when he otherwise would have lived! Character is about choice!

Honor should have been forced to choose which ship to save in the assassination attempt on the Queen. Put the ruler of Grayson and Manticore on different ships, make her choose. But that would mean her decision could be criticized, so it can’t be allowed.

The weirdest part of Honor’s superpowers is that most of them don’t actually change anything in the story. They’re just to make her a “better” character in a childish, “Well, my character is super-strong and a super-genius!” kind of way. Her telescopic vision is used in a way that affects anything maybe once? Her photographic memory that works even when she’s not paying attention is mentioned but never affects the story at all. Her psychic powers could literally be replaced by looking people in the eyes. (This would also be better for the story since it would give us more details about people instead of scanning their brains for emotions. Show, don’t tell.) 

Show, Don’t Tell

There’s showing, where you experience something that happens directly.

There’s telling, where you’re told about something.

Then there’s Weber-ing, where the narrator goes off on their own to directly transmit the data directly into the reader’s brain without anyone in the book interacting with the information at all. Maximum abstraction. Please, just use an appendix! If no one in the story has a reason to talk about or experience something, that’s a hint that you don’t need it in the book!

If we must have endless descriptions of missiles’ statistical chances of encountering the enemy, at least put it in a character’s thoughts. Have Weber stare at a radar screen, frantically calculating the odds! Put us in the room, not in the manual for a missile!

Grayson Is Nothing

Why do people like Grayson? The best thing you can say about their culture is that they’re not as bigoted as their neighbors who seem to be specifically designed to be the “bad” people to contrast with the “good” Graysons. There doesn’t seem to be a single good Grayson that actually believes in their religion. They have a state religion that has, for centuries, maintained a lower status for women, and they just fold on it instantly! Every prominent Grayson thinks that their misogyny is antiquated, at best. When a priest points out that misogyny is a big part of their whole thing, and he doesn’t think a woman should be in a position of enormous power, he’s brutally beaten and expelled from the church! 

When the idea of instant equal rights for women is introduced, the wise people of Grayson say, “that sounds good, but let’s not be too hasty, women aren’t really ready for participating in society.” This is exactly the position of real people fighting against civil rights, but Honor agrees! Could you look someone in the eye and say, “yeah, my type can’t be given their rights all at once!”

And what, other than the parts no one believed in, is the Grayson religion? They mention going to church once, but it doesn’t seem to actually affect anyone’s behavior.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to think of an analogy for Honor’s position in Grayson society. I don’t think there’s anything in history that matches it, because it’s completely bananas. Here’s my best attempt:

Imagine the Mexican-American war turned bad for America, and Mexico started making territorial gains into the US. Then a dashing British navy officer led a defense of an American port city that turned the tide of the war. This British officer is rewarded with a private state of Texas. He’s the permanent Governor, and is put in charge of the American Navy. But the “American” Navy is in British ships, staffed by British officers and financed by British loans. This Navy is pulled away from the defense of the Union for British military operations. The British Permanent Governor of Texas also has a patent on all railroad construction and gets so much of a percentage of railroad spending that he becomes the wealthiest person in the country. He also rejects the idea of Democracy, but says he won’t actively oppose it.

Reasonable people would say that, hero or not, they do not want the US turned into an extension of the UK! But the idea that Honor’s equivalent position makes Grayson an extension of Manticore is treated as absurd!

Why does Grayson have more details about its history, politics and constitution than Manticore? That’s weird!

Economics

Everyone hates the weird economic moralizing of the Honorverse. I’m surprised there’s not more complaining about how bad it is in its own right.

The conversation about Manticore’s economy was error after error. They genuinely say, “We don’t have an income tax! We believe in free trade! That’s why we get all our income from tolls!”

Haven tries to achieve deflation during a war. Incredible.

Haven’s economy is treated as a garbage fire because they have a lot of debt (Although Weber doesn’t seem to realize that they must owe that debt to another entity, instead it just exists in its own right as a floating negative number at the bank,) but there are riots when they suggest that they stop increasing the basic income more than inflation. This means that the basic income, and therefore standard of living, have been going up for all of living memory. That would make Haven the most successful economy of all time.

Haven conquers planets to exploit them, but then reflexively turns them into social welfare states like Lemongrab turning candy seeds into more candy people. They should have considered not doing that.

Anti-Politics

I suspect Weber would describe his politics as “centrist” or “reasonable” or “non-political”. I think a better title would be “Anti-political.” Everyone in the Honorverse that engages in the basics of politics, delivering benefits to their constituents, is treated as a naive buffoon wounding the nation at best. He genuinely does not believe in popular control of government.

He thinks the problem with a military dictator is the culture clash between people accustomed to a democratic process.

The only legitimate political act in Honorverse is supporting total war against an enemy without a casus belli. The queen even insists it’s not political! “I have not asked you to abandon your principles. I have not asked you to embrace or pretend to embrace any ideology offensive to you or your party members. My only concern is…to win the current war and establish a lasting peace."

As though a war of annihilation did not concern principles or ideology!

The War 

The war between Manticore and Haven is weird. Haven thinks it’ll just wipe out Manticore and its neighbor so it can retire its Navy since it won’t have a dangerous neighbor any more, apparently unaware that there would just be more dangerous neighbors on their new borders. Haven does a few border raids that would be casus belli, but Manticore seems to think it would need to be able to prove their case to justify such a declaration of war, even though there’s no space UN to appeal to. 

Then, once Haven does an act of war so provocative it cannot be denied, Haven’s entire government is decapitated, resetting relations between the two countries. Except it doesn’t, and Manticore starts a war of annihilation against a country that just started that year. The very existence of a country called Haven is treated as an existential threat, regardless of who's in charge. (I’m told the new book Toll of Honor has a whole section justifying this, I don't care. The idea that they don’t even send a letter is ridiculous.)

From the formal beginning of the war in book five, Manticore is the aggressor. It’s undeniable, they’re making massive inroads into Haven’s territory. First they have the goal of seizing Haven’s major shipping lane, then they move on to the capture of Haven’s core worlds and capital. Yet Manticore must not just be winning the war, they must also be the most sympathetic. This means that Every. Single. Battle. we witness is a perfidious Haven attack against a Manticore planet. Manticore is seizing planets by the dozens, but that might make them look bad, so instead they are shown defending their homes.

In case anyone doubts that Manticore must be seen as a victim even as it plots the destruction of its enemy’s capital, Weber makes it explicit: “In a crazy sort of way, the fact that we keep winning battles only makes it even more acceptable to the Sollies. It’s almost as if every battle we win somehow turns the Peeps more and more into the ‘underdogs,’ for God’s sake!”

In the Honorverse, being the underdogs is good, so Manticore are underdogs. The fact that they are winning is irrelevant.

Weber also gives every colonist's rationale for colonization apparently without irony. Manticore doesn't WANT to hold basilisk, they're innocent of those desires. But the colony makes so much money they MUST hold it forever.

No Contest

Honorverse is the only story I’ve ever encountered that gives the good guys easy wins. More than once an enemy thinks, “There’s no way we can win this.” That’s not good for drama? I don’t know what you can say about this, it’s so obvious.

Let's not forget the much maligned pistol duel. Here's my live reaction.

And the sword duel was even worse.

Paul’s death being off screen was a weird choice too.

One Perspective

All good people agree. Even the bad people secretly agree, they just can’t overcome the shame of disagreeing with the objectively correct position.

Everyone says “Manties” and “Peeps.” 

In the first book, Honor thinks, “I’ve gotta be hard on this crew so they toughen up” and another perspective character thinks, “I’m glad Honor’s being hard on us, it’s toughening us up.”

When she meets Alfredo Yu, she thinks about how awkward it is that he killed her mentor. Then he immediately brings it up in conversation. 

When Ransom decides to execute Honor for her murder conviction, even Haven people think it’s outrageous.

Haven had eight years of political purges and official minders for political loyalty, but there are no loyal Haven military officers because all military officers are good and upright people.

Missiles, Missiles, Missiles

Honorverse is all about tech advances. Except it’s hard to think of new technology, so we have to suffice with one new tech, FTL communication, and endless iterations on “More Missiles.” Missile pods, little ships carrying a few missiles each, these are not interesting!

Like Honor’s wealth, the number of missiles multiplies by ten per book. The Grayson Defense fires an impossible 12,000 in a battle, then Manticore fires 111,000 in another instant win, and I’m told the Battle of Manticore has 700,000 missiles in the first wave.

Misc.

How dare he not include the scene where they asked Honor’s mom to get pregnant while everyone was still in mourning.

The first book clarifies that Honor isn’t gay, and that seems to be universal in the series. C’mon, it’s the 2020s, include a gay.

Why is one guy kind of named after a real guy, (Robert S. Pierre), but Saint-Just is the same name as the real guy.

Furry Contralto

“that’s the beauty of hindsight: it always has a lot more to go on than you did when you had to make the decision the first time around.”

The story of genetic engineering in Honorverse is the exact same as Star Trek.

Sure are a lot of women being raped.

The bad members of Honor’s bad crew were planning on damaging the ship so they could escape. And it was going to be exciting to see Honor wrestle with handling a damaged ship. But the bad guys were sent to the brig and died and that plot just… ended.

[sleepymarmot]

Misery (1990 & 1987)

[Watched on August 23rd]

A cautionary tale about predicting the public’s reaction to your writing and making backups of your important files.

To be perfectly honest, I watched this because I’d just finished a TV show where one of the characters is an abusive caretaker, and so I went to the abusive nurse movie classic to look for references and parallels. And that part was fun and rewarding!

...Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about the movie in itself.

Look, maybe it’s yet another case where knowing the spoilers ruins the experience. I guess that knowing pretty much every plot development in advance did remove much of the intended suspense.

But this was just so fucking boring. Sometimes unpleasant instead, but mostly boring. The first time I checked the progress bar turned out to be only 15 minutes in, to my horror. And it just dragged on and on, without any artfulness. Yes, the concept is good, and it’s my fault I have not tried to avoid spoilers for this very famous movie and robbed myself of experiencing it properly and discovering that concept for myself bit by bit the way it was intended. Sue me! The execution just isn’t good enough. The awkwardly inserted flashback after the car crash immediately weirded me out, and the filmmaking quality didn’t improve afterwards.

I hope there’s feminist analysis of this film existing somewhere because there’s a lot of material. The villain’s character concept feels vaguely but recognizably misogynistic. A big part of the horror here is that Annie is a conventionally unattractive middle-aged woman. Just imagine how differently the plot would go if our protagonist were trapped in bed by a glamorous and sexy young lady! Here, I get the distinct impression that the viewer is supposed to be disgusted by Annie even without the help of abuse and murder.

(Time for the obligatory comparison section! In the previous film I watched, there was also clearly negative attitude towards female unattractiveness — but it wasn’t connected to the moral character and likeability of the woman in question!)

The plot is thin; very little happens either on the material or the emotional level. The conflict is flat: the good guy is imprisoned by the bad guy and needs to escape with his life; there’s nothing more to it. The story would have been more deep and engaging if the protagonist started getting attached to the captor. Seriously, for enough time to write an entire novel she was the only person around, she shared both excitement and vulnerability with him, she took care of him only to hurt him only to nurse him back to health only to hurt him again and so on, and he feels no complicated emotions about any of that? The only scene that suggested otherwise was the only scene in the whole film that I would actually call cinema: him hallucinating her face on a random stranger, as “I’ll Be Seeing You” plays once again. (Yet another way in which the TV episode that was my starting point drew more psychological depth from this scenario in 20 minutes than this film did in 2 hours. Yes, I’m biased.)

There’s another sliver of complexity in the movie, and I have no idea if it’s intentional and should be praised, or unintentional and therefore exposes the writers’ lack of wisdom. The thing is, all of Annie’s opinions on fiction are correct. She’s right that killing off characters the way Paul did is shitty. She’s right that the spirit of the character living on or whatever is not the same. She’s completely fucking right in her impassioned monologue against stupid retcons. So what is happening here? Is this a warning that having correct opinions about fiction does not prevent one from behaving harmfully in real life? A tragedy about a fan who ended up destroying the very thing and the very person she loved the most? Or this is a genre writer looking down on uncool women who genuinely love genre books, and the very fact that she has such strong opinions about adventure serials and trashy romance novels is supposed to be another off-putting trait of hers?

On paper, the whole situation is horrific for the victim. I’ve known about the movie for a very long time, but never had any interest in watching it because I didn’t want to see this kind of suffering. But in practice, well, as I’ve said before, I knew all about the abuse and imprisonment beforehand so my brain took it for granted, and the thing that engaged me the most was Annie’s actual personality. I guess I’ve been a villain fan for too long, and my ability to 100% sympathize with the character who has the moral high ground has atrophied.

It doesn’t help that the character in question is so bland. And forgive me if this is victim blaming, but I was puzzled by his actions more than once. What is he doing taking risks like that while he still can’t walk?! Even if the poisoning worked, how the hell would he get to safety? I kept internally screaming at him to bide his time, play along, lull her into a sense of false security, then strike when he has the upper hand.

Some reviewers say the original book actually delivers on tension and psychological complexity. Perhaps it’s time for me to actually read some Stephen King...

---

Liveblog of the novel

My opinions about misogyny were immediately and violently confirmed. The first pages of Annie’s presence in the novel are a solid wall of graphic descriptions of just how repulsive, ugly, and unfuckable the protagonist finds her.

Moral of the story so far, novel version: don’t drink and drive.

She starts withholding painkillers immediately, before even the soup spilling scene. And then there’s a very drawn out scene in which she does it again in a very sadistic way. In the movie it actually surprised me that I didn’t really see her deny him medicine on purpose, but the novel went for it immediately.

He’s the one to call her “his number one fan”. That surprised me at first, but then the novel revealed that many readers called themselves that in letters to him.

Oh! In the novel, Paul assumed that the readers would enjoy Misery’s death as a cathartic ending! He wasn’t intending it as a “fuck you” to his audience!

Surely even a bedridden patient on a liquid diet would have more waste than one urination in 51 hours? I feel like the writer was being kind to him.

Ha, in the novel there’s a whole paragraph about how crazy it is of him to not make backup copies.

While watching the movie I didn’t realize this was a Scheherazade situation!

The motivations for leaving the room for the first time make more sense in the novel. He asks for different paper in an attempt to gain power psychologically, and only when she punishes him for it he decides to leave the room because he badly needs painkillers.

Annie’s abuse is consistently compared to Paul’s mother’s abuse. I remember Carrie in the movie adaptation having a terrible mother too; I can assume King had a difficult childhood.

“Annie spoke of these things [cliffhangers] with an affection which was bizarre in its unmistakable genuineness.” What’s so bizarre about enjoying a staple of one’s favorite genre?

The scene in the novel is fairly long, and Paul is arrogant and condescending in it; feels like he didn’t even fully realize he introduced a lame retcon into his series for the first time until Annie pointed it out. This feels like Annie’s first sympathetic moment in the novel, which makes sense as the opening scene for the second part. Previously Annie has been only calculatedly cruel in the book, as opposed to the movie where her brighter moods seemed more genuine.

“I do want to know how it comes out. That’s the only thing left in the world that I still want, I suppose.” Relatable...

So when in the book Annie goes through a depressive suicidal self-harming phase and talks to Paul bluntly about dying... in the movie he talks about her unrequited romantic love for Paul. Did the screenwriter managed to be more misogynistic than Stephen King?

…That’s the end of the book liveblog. I stopped taking notes around the point where the weird racism started cropping up, which deflated my enthusiasm for the book and lowered my opinion on it. So here are my final thoughts on the novel and its adaptation:

Everything that I wanted to see and didn’t find in the movie — the psychological complexity, the immersion in the victim’s perspective, the horror that’s actually impactful — it was all present in the book.

Everything that didn’t make sense in the movie — the nonsensical poisoning attempt, the incompetence of everyone participating in the search, the silly tension-breaking cutaways to the outside world — was not present in the book, and only added for the screenplay.

In other words, the writer of the adapted screenplay removed all of the best parts of the book, and added all of the worst parts of the film. I would have said to just skip the film and read the book… But the film has one significant advantage: along with everything that made the book good, the screenplay writer has also excised all of the racism. There’s no trace of it in the film; I wouldn’t have been able to even tell from the film that it existed in the source material, let alone what it was. So if you want to familiarize yourself with this famous story, here are you two choices: an otherwise good book that sometimes goes on bizarre offensive tangents about a white author’s idea of Africa, or a bland adaptation that keeps the bare bones of the plot but almost none of the meat. Pick your poison!

[heavenlydemonyuricult]

Social progress or whatever is certainly not a march of time, let alone when it comes to fiction, and again while it wasn't necessary for me to learn or relearn what I already knew, it does feel like I learned in a hard way by reading a chinese webnovel made in 2011 that is likely for more sexist in its over 25 chapters that I read than the entirety of a japanese mystery novel written in what I recall being 1951. If you were to ask me what the genre of the forner was, I would unironically say the sexism genre, the subgenre of which being "protagonist written by author who by all means should be castrated repeatedly stumbles into situations where it's totally not his fault that he sexually harrasses women even when it still is his fault and the bad women are the ones that don't tolerate it and the good ones are the ones that barely do and if you even so much as vaguely suggest that they're a bad person for all of the other shit they can't blame on anyone else and because you're paranoid they might rape you after literally just being raped yesterday by a magical demon thing that possessed his body at age 15 (yes, this happens), then you WILL be treated as the one being unreasonable and evil for suggesting that our hero that repeatedly makes sexist and sexual remarks about your body would ever do anything sexually violent to you even as they keep the bedsheets they raped you bloody on and swear oaths under a fake name as a safety way out while also never even making a FAKE oath not to rape you."

Like when I said Rance isn't even this bad probably I really mean it. Genuinely might be the most sexist thing I've ever read. Just hours of my time wasted I could have spent reading that damn mystery novel I keep putting off. A japanese man who literally fought in world war two for imperial japan probably couldn't even come of with something that sexist, for fuck sake.

[alilybit]

positivity is important so here’s a positive coming out story:

it’s now been one year (2023-03-26) since i’ve told my “little” brother (15 at the time) that i’m trans. it was my first “proper” coming out, the only person who knew before was my best friend and i never had to come out to him because we’ve been a part of each other’s lives since 2012 and so he partially witnessed the entire process starting from me playing as a female version of myself in pokemon while coming up with excuses for it, to me starting to question, and eventually changing my name in our chat and in private games we played together.

i’ve been wanting to tell my brother for months so i wouldn’t have to hide it from him any longer, but i was too scared. and on top of that, right-wing propaganda has taught me that telling people under the age of 18 about the existence of anything outside of cis and straight is child abuse. and i was (and still am but it’s getting better) still struggling with accepting that me being trans is okay.

i hadn’t planned to tell him that day, it just sort of happened. it was late at night and we were both in our beds, texting each other on matrix on our mobile devices. and then i felt that this might be the time and i should just do it now instead of continuing to be afraid of it and planning to elaborately plan it beforehand. and so i typed the message and eventually pressed the physical enter key on my tiny physical phone keyboard. for the first time i phrased it like “i’ve kind of always wanted to be a girl, i am trans” instead of “i think i might possibly be trans because i kind of feel like a girl and it somehow makes me happy but also what if i’m wrong and what if being trans is not real and bad and disgusting after all”. saying “i am trans” to another person was really scary and felt too big and definitive and somehow pretentious, but i didn’t know how much he knew about trans people and i worried that he might think i’m (even more) crazy if i sound like i’m not even sure about this myself. and i am sure, i just have way too much internalised transphobia and homophobia and way too little self-confidence. i also hoped that phrasing it in a definitive way would help me become more confident. so that’s what i said. and as “proof” i mentioned some things he already knew and i sent him a screenshot of my female pokemon protagonists dating back to 2013.

and he accepted it. naturally he asked questions that i was happy (although nervous) to answer because we love and trust each other and i knew that they were genuine well-intentioned questions. he might not understand how someone could not feel at home in the gender they were assigned (just like how i don’t understand how apparently not every boy wants to be a girl) but he fully accepts and supports me.

afterwards i felt very relieved, but even more guilty and disgusted by myself. i had internalised the narrative of telling minors about the existence of disgusting gays and transes equals child abuse too much and doubted if i had done the right thing, even though i knew that it was the right thing to tell him for my sake and even more because it’s important for him to know about this stuff, both for him should he discover that he is not straight and/or cis and so he learns that queer people are just people. which has unfortunately not really been a part of our upbringing or education or environment. not knowing that LGBTQ things exist or are acceptable and thinking oneself is broken or wrong is the real abuse. but over the next few days the guilt grew smaller and joy won. shortly after i also felt safe enough to tell him about the time i had a crush on a boy and that i might be on the bisexual spectrum (figuring out more on that has been a big and difficult thing over the past year with an important realisation just this month, more on all of that some other time).

i have no words for how important and positive it was for both of us that i told him all of this. i love my brother with all my heart, and he loves me too, now as his big sister lily. and since i finally told him, we’ve grown even closer and i’m so happy that i can be open about this and be myself around him in this aspect too. it turned out there was no reason to worry after all because we love each other no matter what. he has guarded the secret well, but we’re used to keeping each other’s secrets. recently when he and our mum visited me he even made sure my (musical) keyboard with trans stickers was covered before our mum came in so she wouldn’t see them.

we may not be the Ph Brothers anymore but we are the Stardew Siblings, and we love each other more than ever.