#but at the same time your own hands too
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HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY!!! To this elderly bapy boye!!! he...!!!
#cats#ghhbbb this is the first time I've genuinely considered tumblr blazing a post lol but no.. i shant.. I feel too weird putting financial#information into tumblr or whatever unless I made like a seperate bank account or something not associated with anyhting else lol#but I gave it serious contemplation which is really sayng something (the evil magical spell that all cats cast over u by their perfection)#ANYWAY.................... old man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it's technically like march 8th but I did his party a little early. I have other pictures to post later maybe too..hrmm#The '1' candle is actually a '4' candle with the side part cut off because they didn't have any 1s#I went all out (like under $15 still lol) and got new birthday decorations for him instead of using the same old#ones from the past like 5 birthdays that I've done for the cats lol..#His theme was rainbows mostly in as light of colors as I could find#The legal age to drive a car in the US is 16 so.... honk honk beep beep.. I shall go out and buy him the most expensive car on the market#as soon as March 8th comes. then he can run little errands (probably mostly getting kibbles or chicken somewhere)#stealing the rotisserie chickens from walmart or something lol#AND they would let him have them. He would drive up and walk inside and they'd call the manager to come over#and they would be so moved by his presence and his big goofy stare that they would just be like..... okey.. have all the chicken in the#entire store. Actually. have the store. it's yours now. And This would continue all the way up the chain until he was handed#the entire walmart company. And every other company. a boy who owns everything. probably wouldnt use it for evil. he'd just abolish#everything and then focus on eating chickens.. ........ chibken son...
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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FINALLYYYYYY. My guys of the jury, this has a tracked 30 damn hours and boy does it feel like it. ANYWAYS, I return for more AU shenanigans because Get Redeemed Loser AU lives in my head rent free. Felt like a nice way to experiment with more vertical style comics? Which is SM EASIER TO PANEL THAN CLASS LAYOUTS. I get why they're so much more common nowadays. Comic,,, so satisfying but at what cost,,, i'm tired. So proud of the top half tho :3.
Okay back to AU brainrot, Mark and Wasp fighting over one of their core differences! I think this is early in their relationship where Mark still thinks Wasp can at least understand what it's like being Nolan's son, only to get smacked in the face with how pride Wasp holds in that title. Anyways, look below to see my suffering made into video.
local artist redoes like 4 damn panels 8 bajillion times and screams into the sky ♡ also if you want fic of this au you should read the fic that @avisisisis wrote about it, ooooo you wanna read it so bad, it's good :3
#invincible rotating in my mind#mark grayson#invincible fanart#fanart#procreate art#digital art#fan comic#fan art#mark grayson fanart#invincible series#i am too tired to elborate in the tags so take this: mark's thumb on his neck is a ref to a previous fanart / point in s2 when nolan-#-puts his hands around mark's neck while screaming at him <3#anways something something don't see eye to eye when they literally don't face each other in the same panel#totally not just the fact i can't draw side profiles to save my life#not that... no it has meaning...#no mirrored red eyes because it wouldn't look right but they both get red (blood orange) eyes#take a shot every time a re-do a panel and get alcohol poisoning immediately#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡#resisting the urge to fix 3rd to last panel to this very second#hng#sometimes you need to spray bottle your own mind like no. enough. cease.#get redeemed loser au#FOROGT THE AU TAG DJKJDS
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no one would notice if i ever vanished // if bodies could sustain // this never-ending army // like blood pumping through a vein
(click for better resolution!)
:OOO hello. anyway since these are all posters i'd have in an ideal world or smth and i'd like to store the high res versions somewhere,,, here's the google drive folder for them? hehe ''
close up!
#adamandi#vincent aurelius lin#i'm back with the posters! or smth! idk!!#i'm maybe just a bit obsessed with vincent. such a Character.#where can i run is sustaining me single-handedly through this exam season (<- has cried thrice in the last two days; alas; but moving on)#my stress response was that in a fit of apathy i shut myself down from academia and stopped to paint this#six hours total? on this funky little thing! had to push myself to finish the magnifying glass but!! looks so cool. i'm impressed with my e#fun fact: all the shades are hand-coloured. aka everything is digitally hand painted hooray!! i havent painted for a long time (ish)#smth about this musical makes me want to paint. it's very lovely that way#it's also a miracle i haven't gotten carpal tunnel or any wrist injuries so far... i'm a lucky person! hooray#i had so many thoughts to ramble about and now i don't recall any of them.#-! about this piece: inspired specifically by that one line that i doodled in the margins of a math practice last night#the diagonal slant was very. thinky. the rendering and angle were kinda contradictory to do but it's fineeee (draft was diff. pov)#i liked the red abstraction. and the way that people (misc) gave same vibes as red blood cells.#green for vincent because contrasting colour!! considered a spotlight that was more obv bc. again theatre lighting is so cool. but that was#a bit too literal? i think. so just fun little highlights. no one look at the accuracy of anything here though.. shadows do Not do this#also like hehehe lin. forest. forest of people. i really liked thinking about that. hehehe#i didn't know the font to use!! or quote!! so i slapped on the name of the musical and called it a day... the blank one is in the google-#-folder if you want to add your own stuff :') also also i wasn't sure about cropping at all. so again high res in google drive link#which is under the keep-reading sign! kind of a choose your own adventure because i'm lazy :3#ajhshdhfhfhfhf i think i've been fuelled by the tags under each post so far. so intensely. so very nice.#also when the cast or creators drop fun facts... serotonin right there.. they're all so nice waaagh it's so cool that they like my stuff ><#<laughs> really grateful that the whole fandom's so sweet <3 thank you for your support TvT#alright!! off to mess about with chemistry. jiayou me.#oh yes. a post script about the cropping crisis: i wasn't sure how small i wanted to make him. in proportion to the crowd. so if you see it#on mobile ig it's tiny and on laptop it kind of makes sense ...
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Sun Wukong's assorted lingpai (mandate tokens)
[ID: 1) An illustration of the two sides of a mostly rectangular lingpai made of wood. One side reads "令" and the other reads "弼马温", both written in seal script. The bottom of the lingpai is adorned by horses facing outwards, clouds by their feet.
2) An illustration of the two sides of a stone lingpai shaped mostly like a rectangle, but flared at the top and bottom. One side reads "令" and the other reads "美猴王", both written in seal script. The top of the lingpai is adorned with a dragon-pearl surrounded by flames and clouds. The bottom is adorned with mountains, the sea, and coral. The borders of both the top and bottom are decorated with clouds and flowers. The top is swirled in a way that resembles a lingzhi or a ruyi.
3) An illustration of the two sides of a red jade lingpai, shaped mostly like a rectangle but with a curved top. One side reads "令" and the other reads "齐天大圣", both written in seal script. The top of the lingpai is adorned by a ruyi with a flower and mountain at its center. Below the ruyi is a lotus flower, which sits on top of the forehead of a Yazi carving. Clouds extend out from either side of Yazi and below him are flowers. The two sides of the lingpai have the carvings of cloud pillars wrapped in a stylized waterfall. At the bottom are clouds which could also be the foam from the waterfall. Lotuses float atop this foam/these clouds. At the center of the bottom is a mountain with a ruyi at its foot. This ruyi also has a flower within it.
4) The lineart for the three lingpai, with accompanying commentary. The one labeled "BiMaWen" reads "carved and burned wood," "simple, only horses and clouds," and "ornamental, basically no power." The one labeled "Beautiful Monkey King" reads "carved from a chunk of Sun Wukong's stone egg," "customized from Ao family royal lingpai template," and "mostly sea, cloud, and dragon pearl imagery." The one labeled "Great Sage Equaling Heaven" reads "carved from red jade," "fully custom, in style of an emperor's lingpai but HuaGuo," and "flowers, waterfalls, mountains, ruyi, Yazi, and clouds imagery." At the side are simple doodles of the three lingpai. The first is light brown with a yellow cord, captioned "simple cord, no tassel." The second is grey with a red cord and tassel, captioned "silk cord and tassel." The third is red with a red cord and tassel, captioned "braided cord," "jade and gold accented." End ID]
#my art#journey to the west#jttw#xiyouji#visual development#prop design#in case youre wondering about the note on the Beautiful Monkey King lingpai-#yes he did harass Ao Guang for that#as soon as he came back from being BiMaWen he wanted a proper lingpai of his own#so he marched down to Ao Guang's palace with a stone in hand and demanded he get it properly carved#the Great Sage lingpai was carved by the artists of the Heavenly Palace and presented to him when his title was recognized#you may have seen a rough draft of that lingpai on swk's belt in the Seven Sages lineup 👉👈#much simpler though of course gdhfsjkkdskl#at the time i was thinking of it as being carved from red wood#but nah now it's a solid chunk of jade you could knock someone out with it#also- 如意 means 'by one wants'- same as the ruyi in ruyijinkubang 'as-you-wish golden staff'#but ruyi here refers to the clustered swirls (google image it) bc its a common auspicious piece of imagery#Yazi is one of the famed Sons of the Dragon God#he's a violent and skilled fighter so he's usually used to adorn weaponry and armor#but i think swk would get a kick out of his lingpai having Yazi on it too
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to all my mutuals out there: i love you and get happy every time i see you on my dash or in my notifications or just your tiny icon in the corner of my screen from having messaged a bit some time ago and i want you to know that you are appreciated <3
#i know some of you aren't doing so well all the time and that's okay! don't stress yourself over it. it will be better again#but know that you are valued and that i care about your wellbeing all the same#if you think this might include you then yes it does. if you feel fondly about me sometimes i think fondly about you too#and if you don't think fondly about me but more annoyed or even indifferent i probably still think fondly of you#doesn't matter if we've been mutuals for 5 years or 5 days i think you're all so very neat#and yes this counts always. i can count on one hand how many times i've been even slightly annoyed at a mutual in all my time on tumblr#because the answer is 0. never once has any one of you been annoying to me <33#and if you ever should be it is MY responsibility to unfollow or blog. that's not something you guys need to worry about#own post#idk this is a lot of stuff in the tags but i just want you guys to know that i actually care about you and want you to be happy
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The "Dan Heng is Dan Feng" dogmatics annoy me a lot. It entirely brushes off one of the most interesting and prevalent questions posed by the game, incarnated by several characters and stories that give the question different hues with different potential answers, and a constant also in HI3, like a thread waving the two games together
#The question about what makes a person themselves is super interesting#Is it the memories? Is it personality? Is it body? Is it resemblance? What about narrative reiteration?#Bronya is not Silver Wolf but they're both HI3 Bronya but also they're not#Is March the same person she once was? What about the Trailblazer? Welt looks at Himeko and Silver Wolf and feels like drowning#but he is looking at nothing other than something eerily recognisable#Vidyadhara are reborn anew as if washed clean but Dan Heng's process was skewed. What does it mean to Dan Heng?#He has the body he has the moves he has the stern haughty air he has muddy memories he can't quite recall but something stays#Is he or is he not the same? Where does one end and the other start? Where do they overlap?#Does how others regard him influence whether he is or isn't Dan Feng?#Does the memories of others weight more than your own memories and will?#What does constitute a person? How is selfhood constructed? What are the ontological implications of all this?#If you respond to these questions one way in one context when it comes to one character‚ can you confidently reply the same thing#in a different context for a different character? If not‚ why? What does it say?#It's not a straight up answer. The question is what's interesting and it's what makes Dan Heng's story interesting#Seeing it dogmatically negated mainly for the purpose of a ship annoys me a lot#It is a constant in HSR but it's even more clear after playing HI3. This problematic about what constitute identify and selfhood#and whether or not they're the same thing is a constant there too. With Kiana‚ with Otto‚ with Kevin‚ with Fu Hua‚ with the simulations#of the Flame Chasers most notably with Mobius but in general with the continuation of their goals and feelings‚ Klein as human and as ELF‚#the iteration of consciences of the Herrschers‚ the puppets of the Herrscher of Domination‚ the influence of the Herrscher of Corruption‚#the many times characters are found in different universes being slightly different yet recognisable‚ the amount of times characters seem#to reiterate existences in different eras‚ echoing past selves with past faces yet different‚...#And usually it's not easy to respond to all of them with the same answer‚ which only opens more questions. It's extremely interesting#and it's obviously a topic Honkai as a game cares about a lot. But no. Nothing matters. Dan Heng *is* Dan Feng yes or yes no questions asked#No problematic. No questioning. No doubts. All usually because of a ship. That the drive. I don't know... I'm all for shipping#but I quite dislike when shipping gets so out of hand it crushes and brushes off good writing or core motifs in a text. It's... shabby#And it saddens me haha. Why do you even care about these characters and their dynamic if you're erasing core traits of them as characters?#Abfkabdkkd anyway...#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#But I had to vent a little. It annoys me a lot this kind of approach to analysis what can I say
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Leo on crutches doodles cuz I'm definitely totally not projecting
Stairs are terrible. Kill them. They are my mortal and eternal enemies
#Don't get me started on stairs#Also it's surprisingly hard to carry things and use crutches at the same time#so you kinda have to resort to using literally any other parts of your body you can to hold stuff#I mostly tuck things into my shirt when they're too big to fit in my makeshift bag I use for my phone#and then. Asking for help. Oh gosh I hate asking for help and making people take care of me#and it's annoying not being able to do simple things like making my own breakfast#I mean it's much better now that I can actually walk with my boot#but for a while it kinda sucked#ALSO. HOLY TRUFFLE MAC N CHEESE WERE MY ELBOWS AND PALMS SORE#people always asked if my armpits hurt#which is ironic since they never hurt#cuz you're pushing yourself up with your hands and not your armpits#but that puts a lot of pressure on palms wrists and elbows and hurt like crazy after a while#And I just thought of the crutching it joke today and now I desperately need someone to say it#Anyway sorry for the ramble XD#rottmnt#art#digital art#doodles#personal#kinda#Obby art
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me being a whiny bitch about mota criticism in the tags
#don’t get me wrong i would’ve loved more ground crew and or more rosie#but i truly do not understand 90% of the complaints about the stalag arch#AND a lot of peoples winging about it is hypocritical#you can’t be like hm not enough realistic suffering too corny 👎🏼#mota sucks bc CORNYYYYYY 👎🏼👎🏼👎🏼#in the same breath that you’re like THE STALAG ARCH WAS BORING BC THEY WERENT DOINGGGG ANYTHING!!!#idk pookie they were PRISONERS OF WAR#i’m gonna hold your hand when i say this but that was T H E P O I N T#they were flyboys suddenly resigned to a stalag#the doing nothing was why it was a hell of its own making#which bucky says! multiple times!#just say ‘i would’ve preferred less austin butler’ if that’s what you mean!#you don’t have to hide it behind fake deep art criticism that doesn’t make logical sense#anyways#anyways!!#the stalag arch was good and i’m glad it was included#mota
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suiren’s design was a very long process of trying and failing because after you’ve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but I’m actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatu’s pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, that’s who, I’m chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. He’s still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say I’d do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suiren’s design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I don’t really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask I’ve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmm…#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think she’s a bad avatar#I don’t. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes I’m well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think she’s a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the show’s production team#I’m making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#she’ll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe she’d have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but it’s fine. 1. she isn’t alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off 😁 /hj. basically. she’ll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. she’s my dear child who’s been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Kat’s doing one right now!! I just wanna do something that’s my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isn’t Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suiren’s got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 years’ worth of grievances to air out. it’s like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine aren’t divorced. they’re Worse and everyone wishes they’d just separate#anyway. that aside. Suiren’s not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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#This is about the last thing I could have imagined happening to me but.#A girl just slid what pretty realistically is a love letter under my door and. I really don't know what to do about it#God. I like her a lot but I also really just love her as a friend??#I don't. I have no idea what to reply because on one hand if I said something like#“yeah every second we spend together is precious to me too I love you <3 ” I would probably. Definitely come across wrong#But at the same time I can't just reply coldly I don't want to be rude. I do enjoy the time we spend together.#I just feel that if I don't reply with the same love and dedication I will come off as rude and make her sad and I really don't want to#But also I'm like. 100% sure I'm not into her romantically#It's just. The way she talks to me in the letter makes me feel... Odd in the bad way.#She spent words of admiration on me I really feel like I can't own you know.#She seems to look up to me a lot and I don't think I should be looked up to at all.#“You're a wonderful‚ very strong‚ and intelligent person” HOW DO YOU EVEN REPLY TO THAT.#“Uh I disagree but you're entitled to your opinion”... ?#Thank you?#This is. Ugh. I'm really not fit for this kind of stuff.#I LOVE exploring characters being in love and putting them in awkward ridiculous situations that make them miserable.#I HATE to be in such situations#As if exams weren't enough. How do I deal with that#Posting this just in case anyone has genuine advice btw. How do you reject a girl you actually like a lot#And how should I even write her back. Because she said to and I'm the WORST at writing back#Sis this is stressing me off so much. I want to dig a hole and disappear in it. I'm not getting out of my room for the next six months.#(For context we live in the same students dorm)#random rambles#I'm so distressed right now this is the absolute worst.#Like I was pretty fine with where we were at but now I feel like I really don't want to spend time with her again for a long time.#Deleting this soon hopefully
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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
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im really sorry if this question ends up being repetitive: but, if not for bruce’s over reliance on dick to regulate his thoughts and emotions, why would dick grow up into feeling like he needs to repress his emotions so much and his eagerness to act as people’s support? i know youve spoken about wolfman and his altering of their relationship but if ntt is generally an accurate portrayal of an adult dick, to me this nevertheless sounds like the consequences a parent-child relationship where the responsibilities are titled too much towards the child
i suppose this could also segue into asking for recs that would help me better understand your interpretation of their relationship 👀
not repetitive at all! to me the irony of wolfman's depiction of dick lies in that it is simultaneously something you can logically ascertain from prior canon but not for the reasons actually presented by wolfman. if that makes sense. he does extra work that isn't actually necessary to help explain why dick would act the way that he does because there's plenty of reasons for it without rewriting his history with bruce to have always been suppressed and edgy and dark. to me it makes far more sense to capitalize on the inevitable disconnect between bruce and dick as an adult and a child. batman: full circle is a good example of that dichotomy (and although it was published in the early 90s it built on mike w. barr's prior understanding of the relationship between dick and bruce that he wrote into the early 80s). bruce's primary concern for the people he works with is never standards or finesse but safety. he worries constantly about others coming to harm under his watch and with a child in particular those worries were exacerbated. he ran a tight ship not because he believed dick had anything to prove but because the only way dick could keep being robin was if he went about it safely. that was obv easy for an adult to understand. but not so much for a child
to bruce these worries were practical and par for the course (as well as an expression of his love and protectiveness) but for dick their consequences formed the crux of his entire world. as a child he idolized everything about bruce. his heroism. his work ethic. his skill. his resolve. his preparedness. if dick couldn't live up to the standard he set for himself in idolizing bruce then what could he ever hope to amount to? that was the thought constantly going through his head. and it's why the bulk of his childhood and primary tenure as bruce's partner was so precariously protected by the fact that nothing bad ever really happened during it (and admittedly this framing is convenient because even chronologically speaking nothing very significant happened in their history with each other until dick left for university in 1969) (i know dixon opted to write that whole shtick with dent in his version of events but personally i never found it necessary to do so). there is enough there in the idea of dick working hard for the course of a decade to embody who he believed bruce to be that lends itself to it eventually being difficult for him to healthily express himself once the rift between them actually began to emerge
because what about bruce was there to actually see that was broken and dark before dick became an adult? i know a lot of dick fans hate batman #408 because they don't like that it enforced "retirement" upon dick (which i personally believe is a conclusion they come to because of the way batman #416 re-framed the same scene) but to me that's an inaccurate reading of the text. batman #408 was about bruce (admittedly far too belatedly) recognizing that he could not in good conscience continue to ask dick to go out and be a vigilante on what he considered to be his own "orders". he viewed dick's close call with death at the hands of the joker as something directly of his own making. although their tenure with each other had been wonderful if dick wanted to continue to be a vigilante it had to be on his own terms and of his own volition. obv that was logical to bruce and it was something dick managed to accept in the moment. but it's still hard to go from always having a purpose alongside someone you idolized to finally being entrusted entirely to forge your own
in general i like the idea of dick the adult becoming privy to all of the personal problems and conflicts that come with being a vigilante. he was conveniently shielded from a lot of those problems as a child because all he had to do was be bruce's partner and hope to live up to the title. bruce had no reason to trauma dump on him or talk about his worries and concerns at length with him because it was never supposed to be dick's job to field those worries and concerns in the first place. he was a child. the only thing bruce wanted to do was to help channel his emotions through an outlet and provide him with a home to grow up in. but when you become an adult often that dynamic shifts. you're still not responsible for fielding those worries and concerns but you can perhaps be trusted with them. that's why i like the framing in batman #408 of dick now being a man. it's a subtle way to frame the double-edged sword of adulthood. the world is in your hands now but so will be the horrors that come with it. coming to terms with the real world that bruce lives in should be hard for dick. coming to terms with who bruce is when he's not perfect should be hard. coming to terms with how quietly bruce kept his grief because he did not see fit to overwhelm a child with it should be hard. that dichotomy of dick both wanting to be bruce's brother and his son should form the crux of their conflict with each other because you can't hope to be someone's equal and someone's protected at the same time in that kind of relationship. for dick to transition into the position of equal he has to expose himself to the fact that bruce is not in fact an idol but someone irrevocably human. and that should interfere significantly with his head and his own standards for himself
#all of this to say. i don't think it's so much about pre-ntt canon directly predicating ntt-dick's characterization#like it's not these events happened in the 60s and 70s so that's why he acts this way in the 80s#it's more the opposite. because these things Didn't happen in the 60s and 70s. that's why being on his own in the 80s is hard#dick wants so badly to be bruce's equal and an adult and a leader and someone trusted by others#but those are all things easier said than done. and the worst tragedy of it is that the bruce dick knows from childhood#is not the bruce he knows in adulthood. they are from the same person. but they are still different#because there are things dick is allowed to see as an adult that bruce spared him from when he was a child#and on one hand that was the right thing to do. but on the other hand it's devastating. because dick obv doesn't know how to cope#how do you cope with the fact that your decade-long idol is not in fact what you made him up to be#(and the thing is it's not that bruce isn't what dick made him up to be) (it's that he's also other things)#(he's sad. he's guilty. he's exhausted. sometimes he doesn't know how to go on)#reconciling with those realities should be unbearable for dick. because being robin has given him so much purpose#and while being batman gives bruce purpose too there are also so many times where he absolutely bends under the weight of it#and that sight should be frightening to dick#that's why i really like knightfall. or the potential of it because i mean prodigal did not deal with the aftermath of it#in a way that i liked at all. it was quite underwhelming#and then you guys obv know my issues with the framing of dick's reaction to jason's death and his conversation with bruce there#but the idea of dick needing to cope with bruce being a human capable of breaking under his own imposed duties is impt#and so my reading of their relationship is less about things written explicitly in text and more about drawing logical inferences#idk. i feel like i am all over the place i'm not sure if this sufficiently answers your question i'm sorryjgfkldghf#outbox
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Not sleeping enough and having a low grade headache is just who I am as a person apparently.
#no reason for this nothing to blame my sleep hygiene is the best it has ever been. i am just fucked for life arent i? cool great#how do i figure out how to embrace this like the permanent ringing in my ears so i can function and not be aware of my own misery#poking my brain with a stick like the stupid meat blob it is let me solve your stupid puzzle you dumb jackass#-pers#-vent#i really blamed external factors this whole time only to get my ass handed to me when those were gone and be forced to contend with the#fact nah. you just have permanent insomnia issues. yeah not nearly as bad as before but cmon 😭#the options to treat this are more or less the same and still suck ass#ambien makes me do crazy things in my sleep and call and text ppl horrible things i dont remember. trazedone somehow doesnt do shit#and gives me nightmares for the short bursts i do get.#benzos were what i ended up on for the last few years of being on mediciation and you can only get 15 a month and tbh the sleep i got#on those did not feel restful it felt more like going under anesthesia then waking up like i was out but my body doesnt feel like it#plus i almost choked to death on a tic tac while on that shit too there is no warning#like you are good then you are gone and the time always varied#also sustained a head injury while on it too that was actually super bad idk why i thought of the tic tac incident first#the other thing caused me to drop out of college for a few years lmao
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oh yeah. the reason why i decided to reread tbhk (and thus it was able to hit me like a truck this time around) was actually not bc of mitsukou going canon but actually bc i maybe accidentally started a tbhk book club w my kids at work and wanted to check the contents of it justttt in case before i put the books in their hands
#tl;dr i have this one 4th grade boy who's a total weeb and knows that i'm the only one in this town who's more into japanese media than him#so he pesters me abt it every time he sees me. and the thing abt this kid is that he gets bored easily and if he does he turns into a#complete menace. now a couple weeks ago. he shows up at the program w one piece volume one and spends the entire time he's there peacefully#reading and not causing any problems on purpose. my coworker owen (the one who climbed onto the roof) and i were shocked and in awe of how#peaceful he was being and came to the conclusion that he NEEDS to have a manga volume in his hands at all times. few minutes later.#he finishes reading and isn't bored yet so he decides to go talk to me abt manga. specifically he starts pestering me abt what shonen i've#read despite the fact that i am a shoujo reader and told him that. but he knows i've read kuroshitsuji bc he previously asked me abt what#the worst anime i've ever watched is and i will never not take an excuse to drag the adaptation. and he figures that if i've read kuro i've#probably read more. and so i mention tbhk and he asks more abt it bc of the name involving toilets and him being a 4th grade boy so i give#brief overview and he wants to read it. and i come up with a scheme to make him peaceful AND to give him something to talk to me abt which#isn't 'i know you've read more shonen manga' 'let me gacha on your phone' or 'i saw an ad for rent a gf. thought it was lame. and now want#you to tell me how it sucks bc i assume you know everything abt every animanga ever' (<does unfortunately know too much abt rent a gf bc i'#a bit of a nosy bastard and watched the mother's basement video). so i offered to bring it in bc i own physicals of the whole series and of#as previously mentioned. gave it a quick reread in advance just in case. and got hit by it. hard. i love you tbhk almost as much as i love#when ppl get into things through me. honestly i think getting to live vicariously through him might be one of the main reasons it got me#this time around and not as much the first time (still loved it the first time though). flash forward a little while. one of the 3rd grade#girls is like. really into reading. and also macabre things. like ghosts. and she has two books from the school library. and has had the#same two books from the school library for over a week. she reads quickly and finished them both in under a day and is now bored out of her#mind rereading them. she asks to read the books i've been letting the other kid read. now there are two of them#romeo.txt
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leaning in and gently kissing Binah's beauty mark after a tough fight. okay goodnight
#project moon#lobotomy corporation#library of ruina#binah#binah lobcorp#binah library of ruina#yeah that's a good binahpost#the first time is after a bad breach in L corp#you're so relieved to be alive and to see her okay that you give her a quick peck before resuming your duties#she just stares and watches you leave#the next fight you see her again from a distance to do the same thing#telling her that you're glad she's alright#the third time she approaches you silently and asks without words#and when you kiss her again she carefully brushes her hand over your own cheek#she knows her strength#she doesn't want to hurt you#but you've given her so much of your warmth#she wants to give you a bit of hers too
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