#but at the moment all its doing is making me more frustrated
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✧ ۫ ┉┉ Make it to the morning!
┊Pairing: Chris Sturniolo x fem! Reader
┊Summary: Chris & his girl waking up together in the morning.
┊Type: drabble
┊warnings: just fluff :)
┊WC: 555
┊requested by: @purpledragon222
(this is my first fic send any suggestions:))
The sensation of someone's heartbeat against you brings a feeling of warmth, calm, and comfort.
The knowing assurance of someone beside you and there when you need it.
Whenever you find yourself at your boyfriend's house, you can’t help but wake up with a smile. The cozy familiarity of his warm room, filled with the faint scent of his cologne, wraps around you like a comforting blanket. The soft morning light filters through his curtains, casting a gentle glow that makes everything feel serene.
As you slowly open your eyes, the sight of him peacefully sleeping under you brings a smile to your face. the thought of those precious moments of falling asleep together and getting to wake up right by the love of your life fills your heart with joy. It’s a feeling you eagerly anticipate every time you visit him and his brothers, knowing that being in his presence always brings warmth and happiness to your mornings.
You lay there admiring his sleeping face and beauty, taking in what's all yours.
You slowly start to trace shapes along his chest and stomach, placing soft kisses from the top of his chest slowly to his cheek.
You gently lean in closer, your lips brushing softly against his skin in delicate pecks. Each kiss is tender and unhurried, a soothing rhythm meant to rouse him from slumber. You take care to express your affection with every touch, honoring the peaceful moment between you and cherishing the intimacy of waking him with love.
As the touches begin to increase, he begins to awaken, roused gently by the delicate kisses that brush against his skin.
“Mmm, good morning, baby,” he says, wrapping his hands around your body he dears so much.
You press one more kiss, rougher than before, to his cheek and smile up at him. “Good morning Chris,” you say dragging out the words.
“You are sure lovey this morning,” he smiles down at you from above.
“I just want to cuddle up to you and cherish this before I have to leave for work.” Nestling your head against his chest, you felt the warmth radiating from him as you muttered your words softly, the sound muffled against his bare chest. Annoyance laced your tone.
Yet the moment felt intimate, wrapped in a blend of annoyance and comfort. Your breaths mingled with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, creating a cocoon of familiarity, even as the irritation simmered beneath the surface.
The frustration makes him cackle, causing the vibrations of his laugh to tickle you, throwing you both into fits of laughter.
Just the presence of being with each other brings a mix of love and laughter within you to. Many mornings like this are meant to come.
The morning of kisses being shared, and laughs echoing the room with the man you love, even though its interrupted by Matt and Nick jumping in the bed with you two.
“Do you guys always have to ruin the moment between me and my girlfriend.” Chris groans rolling over to where he's on top of you nestling his head into the crook of your neck and hair.
once again, a course of laughing through the room by the 4 of you.
Laughter and love is what makes it to the morning.
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#christopher owen sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo smut#nick sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#nicolas sturniolo#chris sturiolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#matt stuniolo fanfic#fluff#nate doe#nathan doe#nate doe x reader#nate doe x you#nathan doe x reader#nathan doe x you
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First Moments: Kiss
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Summary: The first time Dean Winchester kisses you Word count: 861 A/N: I am debating on making this a series, covering different "Firsts" with Dean.. Any interest in that? Let me know!
The first time Dean Winchester kisses you, it happens in the least romantic place imaginable—an old gas station parking lot on the outskirts of nowhere. The sun is setting, casting an amber glow over the cracked asphalt and the Impala parked nearby, her paint gleaming like polished obsidian. The faint smell of gasoline mingles with the crisp scent of impending rain, a storm brewing in the distance.
It wasn’t planned. Nothing about Dean ever feels planned, really. He’s a mess of contradictions—cocky and self-assured one minute, guarded and vulnerable the next. You’ve been riding shotgun with him for weeks now, chasing down leads, salt-and-burning restless spirits, and fighting things most people wouldn’t dare to believe existed. Somewhere along the way, you became more than just hunting partners. You don’t know what to call it yet, but there’s a connection between you, an unspoken pull that you’ve both been too stubborn—or scared—to acknowledge.
Until now.
It starts with an argument. Of course it does. Dean has this way of pushing your buttons, and tonight he’s doing it with the precision of a master.
“You can’t just run in there without a plan!” you snap, your arms crossed over your chest.
“And what was your plan, huh?” he shoots back, his voice rising. “To stand around and wait until the ghost decides to play nice? That’s not how this works.”
“It’s called strategy, Dean. Maybe you should try it sometime instead of going full kamikaze every damn hunt!”
He scoffs, dragging a hand down his face in frustration. “You know what your problem is? You think too much. Sometimes you just gotta act.”
“And you think too little!” you retort, your eyes narrowing. “One of these days, your impulsiveness is going to get you killed.”
The words hang in the air, sharper than you intended, and for a moment, Dean just stares at you. His jaw tightens, and there’s a flicker of something in his eyes—hurt, maybe, or regret—but it’s gone before you can be sure.
“Fine,” he says, his voice quieter now. “If you’ve got it all figured out, why the hell do you even need me?”
It’s not the first time you’ve fought, but there’s something different about this one. The air between you feels charged, like the storm rolling in above. You don’t answer right away, and Dean takes a step closer, his boots crunching against the gravel.
“Why, huh?” he presses, his tone softer but no less intense. “Why do you keep sticking around if I’m such a screw-up?”
Your heart pounds against your ribs, a wild, erratic rhythm that matches the storm clouds overhead. You open your mouth to respond, but the words catch in your throat. Because it’s not that simple. Because you don’t stick around in spite of his flaws—you stick around because of them. Because Dean Winchester, for all his faults, is the kind of person who will throw himself in harm’s way without a second thought to save someone else. Because he’s loyal to a fault, fiercely protective, and has a smile that could light up the darkest corners of the world, even when he doesn’t believe it himself.
“Dean…” you start, but his name barely makes it past your lips before he moves.
It’s not hesitant or tentative—it’s sudden, like he’s been holding himself back for too long and finally snapped. His hands cup your face, rough and calloused but somehow gentle, and then his lips are on yours.
The kiss is everything you didn’t know you needed. It’s not perfect—Dean’s lips are a little chapped, and the angle is slightly awkward at first—but it’s real. There’s an urgency to it, a raw, unfiltered emotion that leaves you breathless. His hands are warm against your skin, grounding you even as the world seems to tilt on its axis.
You don’t know who moves first, but suddenly your hands are fisting in his jacket, pulling him closer as if the space between you is unbearable. He responds in kind, deepening the kiss with a low, almost involuntary sound that sends a shiver down your spine. It’s like the dam you’ve both been holding back has finally burst, and there’s no going back now.
When you finally break apart, you’re both breathing hard, your foreheads pressed together. The storm is closer now, the first drops of rain starting to fall, but neither of you seems to notice.
“Wow,” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.
Dean chuckles, a low, self-deprecating sound. “Yeah, uh… sorry about that. I probably should’ve—”
“Don’t,” you interrupt, your fingers still gripping his jacket. “Don’t apologize.”
His eyes meet yours, and for once, there’s no wall, no mask, no bravado. Just Dean.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he admits, his voice soft and almost vulnerable.
You smile, your heart swelling in your chest. “Took you long enough.”
He laughs, the sound warm and genuine, and the tension between you finally seems to ease. The rain starts to pick up, but neither of you moves. For once, the hunt can wait. For once, the only thing that matters is this moment—messy, imperfect, and absolutely perfect all at once.
Tag List: @roseblue373 @hobby27 @jc-winchester @whump-loverz @pizzagirlxnsfwx @king-of-milf-lovers @jollyhunter
#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#deanwinchesterblurb#deanwinchesterxreader#supernatural#dean winchester fic#dean winchester fluff#supernatural dean#deanwinchesterfluff#spn#sam winchester fluff#sam winchester x reader#sam winchester#sam winchester x reader fluff#dean x you#dean winchester comfort#dean x reader#dean winchester angst#wanderingwinchesters#DeanWinchester#Supernatural#DeanxReader#ComfortFic#ReaderInsert#SupernaturalFic#FluffAndAngst#Fanfiction#wandering-winchesters
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eoooof this is hot !! i swear i love everything you come out with 💞💞
“predator/prey: the thrill of the hunt and the chase was like no other. whether rafe was chasing bambi in tanneyhill or outside at night time, the promise of getting to do whatever he wanted to her if he captured her was all the encouragement he needed. she’d be hiding, goosebumps spreading across her skin once she couldn’t see rafe anymore. little did she know, he was already creeping up from behind her, a rough hand clamping over her mouth before she could scream. rafe is grunting threats in her ear while she thrashes against him, telling her that she’s powerless and fighting against him is useless. of course, once he has her held down, she’s completely at his mercy.”
I’ve said this before but i love predator x prey because it has such an underlying hint of trust and playfulness that i just LOVE sm, predator x prey fics are my weakness and i love them SM
“tit fucking: having both your tits and your face in his line of vision is a surely a sight to behold. he’s delirious as you gaze up at him, the tip of his cock emerging from between your tits before meeting your tongue. despite you moving yourself up and down, rafe is thrusting from beneath you, the slick sound of his precum making both of you moan. “ah, fuck!” his hips are stuttering everytime you manage to wrap your lips around the tip, his cock twitching with need as you stroke him with ease. he loves seeing the way your lashes flutter up at him when he finishes across your chest, watching with lust-filled eyes as you swipe some of his seed with a manicured finger before popping the digit into your mouth with a smile.”
Imagining fucking Rafes dick with my tits while i watch his reaction is just unbelievably hot. then watching his expression while he stares down at you while he’s cumming, EUGHH i need himm
“hate sex: you two mastered this before everything else. fucking when you were enemies and nothing more was like a fever dream, both of you fighting to use each other for no other reason besides getting off. you’d push rafe down, bouncing on his cock to keep him from having his way with you, only for him to have your face pressed into the pillows moments later. you two didn’t care if the other felt good or not, it was purely just your way of taking out all of the pent up anger and frustration you two had for eachother. you’d curse at him before he crashed his lips into yours, telling you to ‘shut the fuck up for once and just use your mouth for what it’s supposed to be.’ as he forced you down onto your knees.”
i SWEAR i love bitchy!kook!reader and Rafes dynamic so much, they’re both hot and its just, eueeshe
“spanking: rafe blamed your mini skirts for his hyper fixation with your ass. he’d be groping you every chance he could get, the spanking factor coming in when you pretended to drop something one day, your boyfriend wasting no time in draping you over his lap and giving you the attention you were so clearly asking for. he spanked you so hard, you couldn’t help but cry out every time his hot palm met your flesh. “you asked me for this, don’t forget that..” he said through gritted teeth, smirking to himself as you continued to let him spank you with an unforgiving force. rafe was always so gentle with you, you loved when he switched things up and disregarded your pain sometimes..”
I swear spanking is such a big kink of mine, it’s so hot ESPECIALLY when they’re typically more on the softer side. like just imagining myself laying on my tummy across their lap while they alternate between spanking my ass red and soothing it is just- chefs kiss 💋
“marathon sex: with pogue!sweetheart!reader’s camper being far away from everyone on the island, it was like you and rafe were dead to the world as you moaned and screamed as loud as you wanted. completely losing the concept of time, you and rafe went at it until someone tapped out, neither of you tiring easily when you were too busy getting thrown over the edge time and time again. one night in particular, you and rafe were doing what you usually did before bed, your legs wrapped around his waist as he thrusted into you and you just couldn’t get enough. both of you kept going without any intentions of stopping. it wasn’t until rafe finally called it that you two noticed the blue morning sky peeking through your curtains that you realized you had just fucked for hourssss”
i never really thought of marathon sex before but just imagining Rafe and pogue!sweetheart!reader fucking in pogue!sweetheart!readers trailer, plus add a lil bit of vanilla + humour, soft hint strawberry scent filling the air and just kind of lovey vibes is just.. i don’t know i need it 🤭🤭
we need to kiss all of these are hot and literally perfection
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ RAFE + THE !READER’S AND THEIR KINKS
warnings: dark content ahead! please do not read if you don’t feel comfortable with any of the kinks listed!
a/n: some of these might not be considered ‘kinks’ but instead things that both rafe and !reader may particularly enjoy. special thank you to @nemesyaaa for giving me this idea and always listening to my rambles <3333 consider this my christmas gift to you ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡
wc: 5.0k
⭑.ᐟ bambi!reader
cnc: these two have a meeting and go over all of their fantasies. while bambi’s suggestions are more tame, rafe is going all out, suggesting that he kidnaps her, holds her at gun/knife point, along with making another safe word just for the sole purpose of dismissing it. he’s covering bambi’s mouth while she’s screaming for him to get off of her, fucking her with so much force that her body scoots up on whatever surface rafe has her on. she’s pushing away, or trying to at least, and rafe is just so much stronger than her that he doesn’t budge. “look at you, so pathetic and weak..” rafe would laugh at her, making her cry as she helplessly took his cock.
rope play: no one can convince me that rafe wasn’t a boy scout when he was little. he’s very knowledgeable of different knots and ties and made it a point to start experimenting with you, tying you up in grotesque positions purely for his enjoyment. even tying your arms behind your back in intricate weaves was enough to get him going. he’d take full advantage of you in your restraints, fucking you past overstimulation, the mixture of pleasure and pain making you cry out in both agony and bliss. your fingers would gradually grow numb, along with the rest of your body until rafe untied you, indents from the rope adorning your flesh.
outdoor sex: an innocent little picnic can quickly turn into rafe pushing your head into the grass while he fists your panties, dragging them down your thighs before bunching your dress up and slamming into you without warning. he can’t quite pin point when this became a ‘thing’ between you two, but fuck he knew you loved it. maybe it was because of the scenery or being far away from anyone being able to see or hear you two, but sex out in the middle of nowhere was thrilling for you both. bambi already spent a lot of her time outside, so whenever rafe would join her and do what he does best; making her cum around his cock, it was like her two favorite worlds collided.
asphyxiation: this was first done on accident when rafe was fucking your throat and smothering your face at the same time. seeing the way you gasped for air after he pulled you off of his cock was nothing short of gratifying. but seeing the way you were eager to do it again was even better. from that point forward he would do anything and everything to cut off your intake of air. covering your nose when you sucked him off, choking you during sex until you were on the verge of blacking out, pinning you down by your neck so your windpipe was being crushed. of course he educated both you and himself, and took your little taps of surrender very seriously.
predator/prey: the thrill of the hunt and the chase was like no other. whether rafe was chasing bambi in tanneyhill or outside at night time, the promise of getting to do whatever he wanted to her if he captured her was all the encouragement he needed. she’d be hiding, goosebumps spreading across her skin once she couldn’t see rafe anymore. little did she know, he was already creeping up from behind her, a rough hand clamping over her mouth before she could scream. rafe is grunting threats in her ear while she thrashes against him, telling her that she’s powerless and fighting against him is useless. of course, once he has her held down, she’s completely at his mercy.
⭑.ᐟ sheep!reader
slapping: whether rafe is slapping the swells of your tits, the fleshy globes of your ass, or your poor overstimulated clit, he loves seeing your body jolt at his touch. he especially likes slapping you in the face when he’s pounding into you, the small flash of hurt passing over your features shooting straight to his cock. he’s smiling while you’re flinching every time he picks his hand up, his large palm meeting your soft skin with a harsh smack! he knows you’re far too timid and shy to tell him to stop, small whimpers leaving your lips at the stinging sensation. once he’s done with you, your skin is raw and sensitive to the touch, rafe always making sure to soothe you and comfort you afterwards.
corruption: you were just a pretty, clueless virgin when he met you, and still pretty and clueless after he broke you in. rafe still see’s you as a saint even when he’s fingering you to tears, your tight walls spasming around his digits. he treats every time like it’s your first time all overs again, the idea of getting you addicted to his cock was enough to make him cum. he loved to see the confused, yet desperate plea in your eyes for him to turn you inside out. the fact that he’s the only one who has ever seen you unravel makes his chest fill with pride. to know that he’s the one who turned you into a cock-hungry slut to begin with does wonders for his ego.
dacryphilia: rafe does things to purposely make sheep cry. pinching her clit, fucking her so hard that his tip is nudging her cervix with every thrust, grabbing her cheeks and squeezing them together with a bruising grip, he loves seeing those sparkly eyes watering with tears. if he has you on your knees, he won’t stop fucking your throat until you have tears running down your neck and chest. rafe thinks sheep looks prettiest when she’s an utter mess, tear-stained cheeks and swollen lips are his favorite look on her. even when she’s crying and upset about something, he can’t help but guide her hand to his aching length, promising her that she’ll feel better once she makes him cum.
orgasm denial: the way that rafe keeps sheep needy and ready to fuck whenever he wants is by denying her orgasms. waiting until her eyes are rolling to the back of her head before pulling away and making her clench around nothing. “nononono, please, rafe! i need it!” she’s clinging onto him, trying to keep him near as much as she could before he’s swatting her hands away. “gotta keep you on your toes, ‘doll.” he’s rough when he holds her down, stroking himself until he’s painting her tummy with his seed. sexually frustrated and sad that he didn’t fill her up instead, she’s bending to his every will later on when he wants to go for round two.
overstimulation: if sheep isn’t getting denied an orgasm, she’s getting a load of them until she’s physically trying to run away from rafe. while he’s doing everything he can to keep her cumming, she’s convulsing, shaking and trembling, writhing in pain as rafe works her poor, sensitive bud. using his fingers, tongue and cock, he tells sheep to keep count and if she messes up then he has to start from zero again. sheep is brainless after the first three, her train of thought being completely gone as rafe fights with her to keep her thighs open. “no more, no more, no more..” she’s repeating it like a mantra, rafe ignoring her pleas for him to stop.
⭑.ᐟ latina!kook!reader
praise: rafe is having a hard time believing that his favorite latina is even letting him touch her, so he’s doing everything he can to remember this moment. he’s telling you how good your perfume smells, marveling at how soft your skin feels under his touch, admiring and staring at your body in awe as if to remember every curve and detail. you’re looking in his eyes while he raves about never seeing someone as beautiful as you. “you’re so fucking gorgeous, holy shit.” rafe is in disbelief when he finally gets you out of your clothes, his eyes instinctively blinking as he didn’t know what to take in first.. your angelic face, show-stopping tits, or glistening pussy.
language: hearing you speak in your mother tongue is going to do it for rafe every single time. whether you’re cursing at him or grabbing him through his pants, whispering; “lo quiero, papi— i want it, daddy..” his cock springs up at the sound of your voice. you’ve taught him enough spanish for him to reply to certain things, your favorite phrase of his being, “mírame, muñeca— look at me, doll.” when you’re shying away from the intensity of his gaze. rafe loved hearing all the words falling from your lips, especially when a particular thrust of his hips made your voice crack at the end of your sentences. “keep talking to me, hermosa— beautiful, i need to hear you.”
mirror sex: you didn’t have not one bad side. in rafe’s eyes you were absolutely flawless. after the first time you two had sex, he knew immediately that he needed to see you at every angle. getting a mirror installed on the ceiling right above his bed was the first step, then it was a mirrored headboard.. and then two full length mirrors that sat in the opposite corners of his room. the man was obsessed with watching you. if he had you in doggy, he could still get a full view of your face twisting in pleasure along with the bounce of your tits. on days where you wanted to ride him, he’d watch in awe as the globes of your ass met his thighs with a ripple effect adorning the fleshy skin.
body worship: similar to praise, rafe is whispering sweet nothings against your skin, his hands working to massage your calves as he presses kisses to your thighs. he’s holding onto you, eyes closed as he takes in your scent. “you’re so perfect.” rafe sounds like a broken record as he kisses your knuckles, and up your arm to the curve of your shoulder until he finally gets to your lips. his hands are roaming your body even as he’s inside of you, his soft touch a stark contrast to his hard thrusts. not a single inch of your body goes untouched by this man. he pays attention to every single thing, from the crown of your head down to the tips of your toes, he makes sure you feel like a goddess at all times.
tit fucking: having both your tits and your face in his line of vision is a surely a sight to behold. he’s delirious as you gaze up at him, the tip of his cock emerging from between your tits before meeting your tongue. despite you moving yourself up and down, rafe is thrusting from beneath you, the slick sound of his precum making both of you moan. “ah, fuck!” his hips are stuttering everytime you manage to wrap your lips around the tip, his cock twitching with need as you stroke him with ease. he loves seeing the way your lashes flutter up at him when he finishes across your chest, watching with lust-filled eyes as you swipe some of his seed with a manicured finger before popping the digit into your mouth with a smile.
⭑.ᐟ bitchy!kook!reader
choking: while rafe loves to choke you in order for you to keep your sassy remarks to yourself, he nearly loses it when you take charge and wrap your hand around the column of his throat instead. he loves the push and pull of your shared dynamic. when he has you pinned down by your neck, it’s useless to deem it a punishment since you always end up liking the pain more than the pleasure. rafe can’t help but curse to himself at the sight of the smirk adorning your lips when he’s cutting off your airway. “no way you’re loving this shit right now..” both of your voices are hoarse once you’re done with each other, the sound making you two look at each other smugly.
hate sex: you two mastered this before everything else. fucking when you were enemies and nothing more was like a fever dream, both of you fighting to use each other for no other reason besides getting off. you’d push rafe down, bouncing on his cock to keep him from having his way with you, only for him to have your face pressed into the pillows moments later. you two didn’t care if the other felt good or not, it was purely just your way of taking out all of the pent up anger and frustration you two had for eachother. you’d curse at him before he crashed his lips into yours, telling you to ‘shut the fuck up for once and just use your mouth for what it’s supposed to be.’ as he forced you down onto your knees.
impact play: if you and rafe weren’t hitting and shoving each other into his room when you wanted to jump each other’s bones then you weren’t doing it right. slamming you against the wall while he was inside of you, slapping him across the face when he did something a little too hard, it was all apart of your little dance together and you two fucking lived for it. rafe loved that he didn’t have to be so soft and gentle with you, and even more so when he found someone who finally didn’t treat him like he was made of glass and used the same force against him. the roughness and complete disregard for one another’s feelings in those very moments was addicting to say the least.
degradation: this was bitchy!kook!reader’s specialty. telling rafe how stupid and pathetic he is for spamming her phone with desperate texts, telling him he’s worthless and that the only thing he’s good for is being her boy toy. she’s bringing up the times when rafe was begging her to let him eat her out, calling him names and laughing in his face when he looks the slightest bit embarrassed. rafe isn’t letting up on you either, he’s cussing in your ear, calling you a bitch and a ‘spoiled fuckin’ brat’ as he folds you in half. both of you revel in the weight of your insults, the words only making both of you needy to prove the other wrong. ‘just shut your fucking mouth already..’
possessiveness: despite ‘hating’ each other, there’s nothing neither of you hated more than seeing each other in close proximity with someone else. rafe hated your friends, all of them always trying to introduce someone to you in hopes that they could get you to leave rafe alone once and for all. of course, later on that night when the party is over and the place is cleared, he’s pounding into you like he has something to prove. “you’re fuckin’ stupid if you thought i was gonna let you leave with that asshole.” he has you in a head lock, his toned stomach smacking the back of your ass as he choked you out with his bicep. “no one else could ever make you feel like this.”
⭑.ᐟ bitchy!pogue!reader
recording: she’s rafe’s personal pornstar without a doubt. bitchy!pogue!reader knows she looks amazing every second of the day, even when her mouth is full of cock, so when she see’s rafe pull out his camera, she’s really giving him a show. “you fuckin’ slut, i could make millions off of you..” rafe would say after she made him cum on her face and tits. rafe loved to keep documentation of bitchy!pogue!reader almost begging to tears for rafe to fuck her already, the footage coming in handy when she decides to wake up with an attitude and tells him that he’s lucky that you even let him fuck, let alone talk to you. he has the camera in your face the same night, grunting out “aww what’s wrong? ‘still think you’re too good for this cock now?”
rough sex: these two turn ‘rough sex’ into an umbrella term with all of the depraved shit that they do. smacking your skin until you’re bruised, scratching rafe until you draw blood, thrusting into you so hard that you let out a shriek with every stroke of his hips, and this isn’t including all of the choking, biting, and hair pulling that both of you do while you’re at it. rafe is ruthless in the bedroom, often leaving you bedridden by the time he’s done plowing into your poor, sensitive cunt. this was what regular sex was like between you two, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. it drove rafe crazy to know that you were so willing and just as sick and twisted as him to take his shit.
humiliation: this was a two way street for both you and rafe. he would say that he could never be seen with a stripper on his arm since he was sure the entire island had already been with you before, and you would say that you wouldn’t want to be seen with a pathetic loser with daddy issues and a drug problem to cope, anyways. both of you knew that the shit talking that you were doing was only foreplay for the activities you were going to do later. sure enough, he’s taking you in the country club bathroom, all of the grand parents there staring at your provocative outfit in disbelief. “please don’t make me moan loud..” you’d whimper, rafe wrapping a fist in your hair. “nah, you’re gonna let this whole club know that you’re nothing but an easy hooker.”
face fucking: once rafe got started on this, it was never-ending. he’d have you on your knees wherever you two were at, forcing you to keep your hands behind your back as he used your throat like a cock sleeve. he’s pulling at the roots of your hair with a strangled groan, the sound of his length sliding in and out from between your lips making his eyes roll to the back of his head. it’s messy and sticky, your cheeks full of tears as spit and precum dribble down your chin, your jaw aching for a break. “fuck, just look at you.. ‘bet you don’t have shit to bitch about now, do you?” still managing to roll your eyes at him, rafe chuckles to himself before picking up his pace.
dumbification: your walls are fluttering around rafe’s cock when he tells you things like; “you’re a dumb, stupid, slut who doesn’t know how to do anything except take dick.” and calling you a brainless bimbo with nothing but tits for brains. you’re nodding along to his words, not caring about how much he’s dumbing you down. in this very moment, with his hips slamming into yours, you were brainless.. not a single thought behind your fucked out gaze. “just prancing around in your heels like a clueless fuckin’ bunny, not knowing shit..” he’s delivering each word with a punctuated thrust, your back arching into his chest when you feel the rough pads of his fingers on your sensitive clit.
⭑.ᐟ kook!sweetheart!reader
sexting: boyyyy you two can sext for hours at a time. once the clock hits ten and your phone dings with a ‘you up, beautiful?’ from none other than rafe himself, you’re faking a yawn and telling your parents you’re gonna cut the movie short tonight because you’re so sleepy. as soon as you’re laid in your bed, your room door locked until further notice, you’re sending rafe all the pretty nudes you took for him since the last time you two sexted. rafe is fisting his cock as your pictures come in one by one, his bottom lip pulled haphazardly between his teeth to keep himself from moaning out loud. in return, rafe is also sending you pictures of himself. shirtless gym pics, his bulges when he wakes up thinking about you, and your personal favorite; his bare cock and the aftermath of stroking himself to your sexy photos.
lingerie: this was only fitting considering you were a whole designer with your own lingerie brand. rafe hadn’t really developed his kink for fucking you in your lingerie until you started surprising him, the lace and sometimes satin material looking just gorgeous against your skin. besides the obvious fact that you looked stunning in your sets, he thinks the reason why he appreciated it a lot more is because he knows you thought about him when choosing which one to wear. “do you like it?” was possibly the most dumbest question you could’ve ever asked him. of course, you got your answer when he pulled you on top of him, moving your panties over to the side before slamming you down onto his length.
cum play: rafe died and came back to life when he watched you smear his cum over your lips the first time you took his length into your mouth. and then he died again on a separate occasion when he came on your tits, your pretty manicured fingers swirling his seed over your sensitive buds. now every time he finished, if it wasn’t inside of you, he watched with a bated breath as you tasted him before pulling him down into a kiss. your tongues clashed, both of you moaning as you made out with his cum in your mouths. you shared spit, making a mess out of each other until you were begging him to cum again. “please, i want more, rafe..”
pussy eating: he needs it. he needs to have kook!sweetheart!reader’s thighs locked down to his shoulders while he works his skillful tongue on her pussy. she’s whimpering above him, wrapping her hands around his large fingers as he gently circles her clit. rafe is easily eating her out for an hour before another hour passes and she’s a mess. having orgasmed at least ten times, rafe is very controlled and knows how to bring her up before pushing her over the edge and letting her fall ever so graciously into another orgasm one after the other. the lower half of his face is soaked, and when he looks up at you from between your thighs, the sight of him is burned into your mind forever.
cockwarming: one of rafe’s favorites. whenever you and rafe are in the bliss of aftercare, he stays nestled inside of you, both of you kissing each other lazily while he rubbed soothing circles into your skin. “think you could keep still?” you teased, rafe laughing softly as you clenched around him, almost as if to provoke him to move. not even ten minutes later, you’re slowly circling your hips, desperate for any kind of friction while rafe holds you in place. “i knew you were gonna put out.” rafe groaned, moving gently as he rolled over on top of you. ignoring him, you dug your heels into his lower back, prompting him to keep going. “yeah, yeah, just fuck me— oh!”
⭑.ᐟ farmer’s!daughter!reader
size kink: cowboy!rafe is hugeee, and (un)fortunately for you, also hung like a fucking horse. his entire body envelopes yours when he’s on top of you, only half of his cock fitting inside of you before he’s forcing you to take the whole thing. feeling like his length and the sheer girth of him is splitting you open, you’re looking down at where you two are connected, your eyes wide as you see what looks like a belly bulge coming up from under your flesh. “ohmygodohmygodohmygod!” you’re delirious as the big, strong man above you drills into you at an unforgiving speed. his hand is large enough to wrap around the entirety of your neck, your chest caving in once you felt the band in your tummy snap.
dirty talk: rafe knew exactly what to say in order to get your cheeks heating. “you don’t think i know wet you are right now? i bet i could slip right in ya’..” you’re gasping at the lewdness of his words, hiding your face from his view as he stroked the exposed flesh of your waist. “ray!” you laughed nervously, both of you hiding in his little house that was in the back of your own. “you know i’m right.. that’s why you’re getting all shy on me right now.” he scoots closer, his lips trailing along your collarbone. “let me take this shirt off, ‘get these tits in my mouth.” being around a horny cowboy wasn’t good for your heart. “oh, my word! your mouth is filthy!”
daddy kink: the basis of you and rafe’s relationship was that you were together secretly, your father forbidding rafe from dating you, let alone looking in your direction. he wasn’t fond of your dad for that very reason. every time he’s asking you who your pussy belongs to, he’s forcing you to refer to him as a different name other than his own. “you, daddy! oh, fuck, i belong to you!” you’re crying out, the name falling from your lips before you could stop it. the fact that he had you, the farmer’s daughter, in his bed, calling him daddy when he knew your actual father hated him, stroked his ego more than your cunt did. “yeah, i’m your daddy? say it again.” you oblige, your eyes screwing shut as the plap of your ass against his thighs echoed in your ears.
mating press: seeing your glossy eyes gaze up at him while he had your knees pressed to your chest was hands down one of his favorite sights. with the back of his hands sitting underneath your hips, your lower half was slightly elevated, your needy cunt guaranteed to take all of his cum. in this position, you swore it felt like he was in your tummy. “nghhh— can’t, rafe!” you shook your head, your eyes brimming with tears as he leaned down, taking your lips in a bruising kiss. “shhh, of course you can, sweetheart, you’re doing so good for me right now.” the wet squelch of your cunt made rafe keen, his lips wet with your spit. “gonna fill you up to the fuckin’ brim..”
breeding kink: you dreamed about having cowboy!rafe’s babies, both of you always talking about having little ones running around the farm. rafe saw it vividly— your pretty round belly, swollen with his seed, a baby on your hip while you greeted him after a full day of work. it’s all he could envision while he’s pumping in and out of you, your sweet moans sounding against his skin. “i’m gonna make you such a pretty mom, baby, you just fuckin’ wait.” he grunted, throwing your legs over his shoulders as he went even deeper inside your cunt. biting back tears, you let out a half-sob as he continuously hit that sensitive spot along your velvety walls. “you’d want that, right?” rafe still asks even though his mind is already made up. “duh!”
⭑.ᐟ pogue!sweetheart!reader
spanking: rafe blamed your mini skirts for his hyper fixation with your ass. he’d be groping you every chance he could get, the spanking factor coming in when you pretended to drop something one day, your boyfriend wasting no time in draping you over his lap and giving you the attention you were so clearly asking for. he spanked you so hard, you couldn’t help but cry out every time his hot palm met your flesh. “you asked me for this, don’t forget that..” he said through gritted teeth, smirking to himself as you continued to let him spank you with an unforgiving force. rafe was always so gentle with you, you loved when he switched things up and disregarded your pain sometimes..
food play: pogue!sweetheart!reader is basically our little strawberry shortcake. always whipping things up in the kitchen with rafe pressed against her ass was bound to lead to some interesting experiments. first it was strawberries, you and rafe sharing one before he dragged the fruit up the curve of your neck, licking the sweet, succulent juice that had dripped down to you chest. the second time around, before you two decided to incorporate it more regularly, you two were having a lazy day, both of you sharing some whipped cream you had made. you had playfully licked some off of rafe’s finger before he got the crazy idea to lick it from other places, too..
cream pie: rafe was obsessed with watching his cum drip out of you. he’d pull out halfway while you were still clenching around him, forcing you to look down so you could see the glorious sight of his twitching cock filling you up before pulling out altogether. you two would wait with bated breath’s, a moan leaving your lips as you felt the warm ropes of cum slowly drip out of your entrance. rafe’s chest would be rising and falling as he used the tip of his cock to smear his seed up and down your folds, even taking the time to circle your sensitive clit. “oh, fuck, this is amazing..” he’d marvel, gathering the sticky succulence before pushing it back into you.
marathon sex: with pogue!sweetheart!reader’s camper being far away from everyone on the island, it was like you and rafe were dead to the world as you moaned and screamed as loud as you wanted. completely losing the concept of time, you and rafe went at it until someone tapped out, neither of you tiring easily when you were too busy getting thrown over the edge time and time again. one night in particular, you and rafe were doing what you usually did before bed, your legs wrapped around his waist as he thrusted into you and you just couldn’t get enough. both of you kept going without any intentions of stopping. it wasn’t until rafe finally called it that you two noticed the blue morning sky peeking through your curtains that you realized you had just fucked for hourssss
soft/vanilla sex: rafe loved taking his time with you, especially because he knew you were sentimental about everything. holding your hands while his head was working between your thighs, looking into your eyes the whole time he was pounding into you, the gentle touches against your skin as he hoisted you up further onto your bed, it was all his way of handling you with care. he’d peck the tip of your nose when you were cumming, his fingers bringing you down from your high as he held you against his chest. whispering praises in your ear, rafe wouldn’t start aftercare until you were gazing up at him lovingly, and that was even sweeter.
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(part 1)
part 2:)
once we made it to the restaurant after a sort of long car ride whilst singing along to our playlist, billie placed a gentle kiss on my lips right before we stepped out and walked hand in hand inside. we knew finneas and claudia were already here since we saw their car parked outside when we pulled up. i was honestly excited to see them since it had been a while.
once we found the table they were at, we sat down and joined them, me and bil sat together, whilst they were sat together on the other side of the table. we kept out hands interlinked under the table, just wanting eachothers presence in that moment. although we both loved intimate moments together, we loved having sweet moments equally.
we’d been sat there for a little bit before billie came up with a great idea. well it was great in her mind. i hated it. because i couldn’t get what i wanted. she decided she would tease me. for her own entertainment. i first felt her hand let go of mine to rest on my knee for a few minutes, before it slithered all the way up to my thigh, and then my inner thigh, right next to my core.
i shuffled in my seat a bit, slightly slouching to try to get her closer, but she just moved her hand and interlocked it with mine once again. she did this a few times. i was desperate. again. i was soaked, and needy. and sat in a restaurant with my girlfriends brother and his girlfriend. there was nothing i could do about it.
i squirmed in my seat every so often, trying to make myself as comfortable as i could with the wetness practically soaking through my underwear and my jeans. i noticed billie looking at me every so often, smirking and running her tongue over her teeth before looking back at fin and claudia to listen to whatever they’d been saying.
whenever i tried to join in with the conversation, bils hand went back to that one spot. at this rate i was shocked she hadn’t started trying to touch me properly under the table just to see how quiet i could stay. that wasn’t going to happen though. she wanted to see how long i could last without her touch.
“need to go to the bathroom angel. come with me?”
i nodded and we walked to the bathroom together. once we made it into a stall, she pushed me against the door and pressed her lips against mine. i quietly moaned into the kiss which made her hold onto my waist tighter. when we eventually pulled away to breathe, i just looked at her, trying to beg her for anything with only my eyes, but a smirk came to her face as she gently kissed me once more, taking my hand, and then leading us back to the table. wow.
i was so desperate it was unreal. i didn’t know if i could make it home. i had to though. after a few hours, we were finally going home. i was tired, but more horny than ever before. we said our goodbyes to eachother, then me and bil got into the car. the whole drive home, her hand just stayed in place on my thigh.
i tried moving her hand closer, but she just giggled and moved it back to its original spot. i did that a few times before she spoke.
“you’re a needy girl tonight aren’t you baby? my needy girl.”
i whined before i spoke.
“i need you billie!! you’ve teased me all night, please!!”
“when we’re home angel, remember what i said earlier?” she asked, glancing over at me as i nodded and pouted. we still had a while until we were home. i knew that she wasn’t gonna change her mind, so i sat there and waited. the last thing i wanted was to make her mad which would mean that she wouldn’t touch me at all.
“when we get home, i want you laying on the bed for me. keep your clothes on.”
i squeezed my legs together and nodded.
after what felt like hours, we finally made it home and i rushed to our bedroom, laying on the bed just like she’d told me to. she took her time coming upstairs, trying to make me wait longer. i was getting so frustrated. as soon as she got on the bed next to me and straddled my waist, looking down at me, i pulled her further on top of me and smashed my lips against hers.
i’d had enough of waiting. i needed her right that second. it seemed like my impatience worked, because her kisses trailed down my neck. she sucked and bit my neck, leaving marks all over before practically ripping my shirt and bra off, marking my tits too. my back arched upwards as she sucked on my nipple, tongue swirling all over it whilst her hand was busy with the other one. her free hand was resting on my waist. small whimpers left my mouth as she moved to suck my other nipple.
her hand moved down from my waist, to my jeans where she struggled to undo the button and zip, but eventually got it. she pulled away from me and stood up off the bed, yanking my jeans off and pushing my legs apart before placing herself between them.
her tongue was soon enough running through my folds, settling on my clit. she circled it a few times, then sucked, then moved back down slightly and pushed her tongue inside of me. she switched between the two a few times to get me wetter, and closer. once i was dripping onto the sheets, she focused on my clit.
she flicked her tongue against it, making me moan louder and louder. i was almost screaming her name as she sped up. i tried to close my legs around her head but her hands firmly held them apart. i whined and squeezed my eyes shut tight.
“billie can i cum?” i whimpered.
“of course angel. been such a good girl for me tonight. cum for me pretty girl.”
she didn’t have to tell me twice. i came so hard over her tongue and moaned way too loud. her pace slowed down as i rode out my orgasm, small whines leaving my mouth. she carefully pulled away from me, a small smile on her face as i opened my eyes and noticed her chin entirely coated in my arousal.
i honestly almost came again at the sight.
she pulled me in for a kiss before switching our positions and pulling me to lay on top of her. i closed my eyes and was immediately asleep. she tired me out. and i wouldn’t want it any other way.
a/n: this could’ve been better i’m sorry😞
#billie eilish#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish fic#fanfic#fanfiction#billie eilish x fem!reader#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish smut#smut#wlw smut#wlw post#wlw blog#wlw
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hi um. i’d like to ask you for some advice, since it seems like a lot of people come to you when they need it. i’m a trans girl who’s been taking estrogen for 2.5 years but. i’m just so disappointed and unhappy with what hrt has done for me. i feel like i’ve been completely taken over by doomerism from me constantly comparing myself to other transfems both online and irl, and from spending too much time on trans reddit (i’m sending you this ask instead of writing another vent post on r/mtf). through this i’ve convinced myself that i will never be happy with my body, or that i’ll never have real boobs or a feminine body at all. i really really don’t want to give up hope, but it just seems so far out of reach, and i’m stuck down here in this inky abyss. what do you do in dark times when you need to regain hope, but you can’t do it yourself?
first of all, i wanted to say i'm sorry that you're feeling this way. medical transition is a very finicky thing. there is no way to predict what will happen and when, so it's okay to feel just. completely bummed the hell out when you're not seeing the changes you hoped for yet. i definitely see how it can be crushing, especially when you know your body needs to look a different way for you to be happy. it's important to consider people look a lot different irl than they do in photos and videos. camera lenses can only capture so much. pictures and videos can be edited. it's hard to compare yourself to something like that
& i did want to say that you're definitely not alone! there are a lot of girls in your exact situation. with everyone responding to HRT differently, you'll see girls who get changes right away, and girls where it takes a long time. changes with HRT generally happen very slowly, way slower than the eye can perceive, so it's okay if you feel like nothing is happening. your body just may need more time to adjust
have you ever increased your dose? if not, that is totally an option! you may also want to look into progesterone if you find that you're not happy with your breast growth after some time. it's best to look into progesterone first to make sure it's right for you, as it will affect more than just breast growth, but i wanted to throw it out there as an option! if you're not on an androgen blocker, this could also potentially help you
for both estrogen and testosterone HRT, it can take a minimum of 5 years for people to begin seeing the effects they were desiring. 5 years, minimum! that's a very long time, comparatively, you are very early on in your journey. the effects you want to see may just come along further on down the road. i know it's easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. it's good to remind yourself that they are not you, they do not share your genetics. they look like them. you look like you. it's okay that you don't look like those people- they're not you.
it doesn't make you any less of a woman just because you haven't seen these changes yet. there are plenty of women who look just like you, cis, intersex, trans, genderqueer, and otherwise. there are many cis and intersex women who don't "pass", and it doesn't make them any less of a woman: the same applies to you, and every trans girl. dysphoria can be a real pain in the ass and make things harder than it needs to be. it's okay to not be content with where you're at now. it's okay to be frustrated that you're not seeing the changes you want to right now. many, many trans people feel just the same way you do.
you may feel awkward and uncomfortable right now because you're literally in a transitional phase. think about when teenagers go through puberty, about how awkward they look and feel. cracking voices, bodies that are "in the middle" and not fully developed. that's what you're going through at the moment, and its okay. it just takes time for things to fully settle in.
what i would suggest is trying to find ways to do some self care that affirm your gender that don't involve your appearance. validating yourself in other ways is extremely important. building yourself up takes time. if you feel insecure about how you look, it's okay. you can start building your confidence in your identity and gender in other areas of yourself, first, then move on to your appearance. try to spend time with people who respect you for who you are, no matter how you look. try to surround yourself with people and things that affirm you
i hope you start seeing those changes you want to see soon. if you need more advice, feel free to ask! if any other trans girls on E have any advice for the asker, or relate to the experience, please feel free to chip in with some feedback on this ask, or by sending an ask! due to being intersex, i was taking estrogen and progesterone despite not wanting to, so i was not cataloguing what was changing or anything like that, so i can't speak from personal experience there despite having been on E HRT in the past.
take care of yourself for now. try to go easy on yourself, you're still in your coocoon. the day where you emerge as a butterfly is on its way, it just takes a little time. please feel free to come back any time. i hope we can get some good insight for you
#asks#answers#transfem#transfeminine#transfemme#trans woman#trans women#trans girl#trans#transgender#trans community#estrogen#estrogen hrt#e hrt#hormones#hormone replacement therapy#medical transition
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✨ New Patreon Upload! ✨
Hey everyone! I’ve just uploaded a new Jude fic on my Patreon, and you definitely don’t want to miss it!
Head over now to check it out and show some love! ����
📖 Link in bio! ✨ Let me know your thoughts after reading! 💬
Don't forget my Patreon is now available for $3 for the month of December; don't miss your chance to catch up on all the exclusive content before the month ends!
Love Is The Best Medicine
Masterlist
𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 — The one where you give him the best medicine known to man...love.
𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 — Jude Bellingham x Physical Therapist!You
𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 — 15.8k
Warnings! ANGST!! Jude is injured, he gets frustrated, FLUFF!! you treat him so well, older!reader (by like 3 years), SMUT (18+), oral sex (f & m receiving), soft sex, they are in lovveee,
Preview
**********
Jude Bellingham had never thought of himself as someone who crumbled under pressure.
In fact, he thrived on it—fed off it, even. Pressure was the fire that forged him, the force that sharpened his edges and propelled him forward. It had always been that way.
Whether it was a make-or-break game in the cup, a league decider under the glaring floodlights at Anfield, or an all-or-nothing match where everything hung precariously in the balance, Jude could always rise to the occasion.
He lived for those moments when the roar of the crowd was deafening and the stakes were sky-high. He wore pressure like a second skin.
But right now, he didn’t know how to keep going.
“Bellingham!” someone called out urgently, the sound barely piercing through the haze of pain and frustration clouding his mind.
He gritted his teeth and tried to push himself up, his hands digging into the damp turf. His body protested, but he wasn’t someone who stayed down—not in games, not in life. But as soon as he put weight on his ankle, white-hot pain shot through him, stealing the breath from his lungs. His leg gave out, and he crumpled back to the ground with a groan that sounded more like a growl.
“Fuck,” he hissed through clenched teeth, his hands instinctively clutching at his ankle. The sharp, unrelenting ache felt like a thousand needles stabbing into one spot, radiating upward with every throb of his pulse.
The referee was beside him now, crouching down with a furrowed brow. “Are you alright, mate?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.
Jude didn’t trust himself to speak. He shook his head instead, his face a mask of pain and frustration. The game—his game—was slipping away, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Within a minute, the medics were there, their hands efficient but gentle as they assessed the injury. Before he knew it, he was being eased onto a stretcher. The world seemed to tilt as they lifted him, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he felt powerless.
As the stretcher began its slow journey off the pitch, Jude’s mind raced, his thoughts a tangled mess of fear and anger. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Not for him. Not like this.
**********
-Bianca🌻
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[Clavis] A Love Tailored To You Part 1
Credit to @shatcey for providing the video upload.
Late at night, even in the bustling Kingdom of Lulush, silence fell––
Clavis and I, having just made love, lay facing each other in bed, cooling our flushed bodies in the moonlight streaming through the window.
Emma: Hmm... Clavis, where are you touching?
His long fingers trailed along my thighs, still damp with sweat.
Clavis: Your leg?
Emma: That's not my "leg?"
Before I knew it, his fingers had crept up to the border between my thighs and buttocks, and I swatted his "bad" hand away.
Clavis: A moment ago you showed me such a shy— no, such a lovely sight, and now you're being cold to me.
His hand left my backside, but instead, Clavis snuggled closer, as if seeking affection.
(Oh...)
Our skin, still warm with passion, touched, and a deep ache throbbed within my lower abdomen.
(My body is at its limit, but somewhere in my heart, I want to be loved by Clavis a little more.)
(Lately, the more I'm loved, the more I want... When did I become so greedy?)
Clavis: ..............
Emma: ...? Is something the matter?
Clavis: I was debating whether to tell you this or not... but I shouldn't keep secrets from my beloved fiancée.
Clavis: I think I'll confess honestly.
Clavis squeezed my hand as if making up his mind.
Clavis: ... Actually, there's something I've been worrying about. Will you listen?
(It's rare to see him with such a serious expression. Could it be a really serious problem...?)
Emma: Of course. Please tell me. I'll do anything I can to help.
Clavis: You're truly kind.
Clavis: Well, um... It's hard to say, but...
(I wonder what it is...)
Clavis: I'm having trouble developing a new product for the Lelouch Trap series.
Emma: That's terrible... Huh?
Clavis: Hm?
Emma: Traps, you say?
Clavis: Yes, and?
(...I was worried for nothing...)
Clavis: Haha, don't make such an obviously disappointed face.
Clavis: Besides, it's a more serious problem than you think. For both me and you.
Emma: Come to think of it, something like this happened before...
Emma: Clavis, you were in a slump, and then..., uh...
As I somehow managed to pull out the sunken memory from the depths of my mind, the throbbing in my lower abdomen intensified for some reason.
Clavis: That look on your face... It seems you haven't quite remembered it yet?
Clavis: It's no wonder. You were in a terrible state back then.
Emma: Wasn't it Clavis who was in a terrible state? You were agonizing over it for so long...
(Huh? Was that really all?)
Clavis: Ah, that was a painful experience for me too. After all, I made my beloved Emma furious.
Emma: I wasn't furious, and I wasn't angry about the slump.
Clavis: But it's true that you were displeased.
Emma: Displeased, or rather, a little frustrated, I guess...
Clavis: It's the same thing in that I took the smile away from my beloved fiancée's face.
Clavis: How did I get over the slump back then?
Emma: Um, let me see...
*flashback*
It was shortly after the Kingdom of Lelouch was founded, and the "lovey-dovey sweet life" that Clavis had spoken of began––
(...No doubt about it.)
I had a small errand to run, so I went to the room used as a storeroom. With my hand on the doorknob, I stood motionless, staring at the door.
(It's just a hunch... but I feel like it's been "set.")
(This room isn't that big, and the ceiling is high, making it difficult to set something up above.)
(So, if anything's coming, it'll probably be from the front. In that case...)
I made up my mind and flung the door open with force.
Emma: ...Gah!
The instant I opened the door, I quickly dodged to the side, and a gray object whizzed past my face with tremendous force.
(That was a clay doll cushion...!)
The cushion, which had slammed into the wall behind me, swelled up from the impact, growing to the size of a person, then burst, scattering ribbons and confetti.
Emma: That was close...
I breathed a sigh of relief and stepped into the storeroom, but––
Emma: Eek!
The ribbons that had scattered from the explosion tangled around my feet, and I fell forward.
A second clay doll cushion shot out from somewhere, gently catching me.
(I've been had...)
As I struggled to untie the ribbons from my feet, I heard footsteps approaching.
Clavis appeared, clapping his hands in satisfaction at the sight of me sprawled on the floor at the entrance to the room.
Clavis: I'm surprised. I didn't expect you to dodge the first one.
Emma: Wasn't the second one meant to anticipate that!?
Clavis: No, the second one was meant to further amuse you as you entered the room, pouting...
Clavis: Hmm, you've become quite the trap master yourself, haven't you?
Emma: Hehe, fallen in love with me all over again?
Clavis: Yes. Just how far do you intend to make me indulge you?
(Since we started living together, I feel like I've gotten more and more used to Clavis's traps.)
(Does that mean I've become better at reading what Clavis is thinking than before?)
(It makes me a little happy to have grown as an accomplice.)
I unconsciously covered my loosened lips with my hand.
Clavis looked at me with a solemn expression as I lay there grinning on the clay doll cushion.
Emma: Clavis?
Clavis: No... don't worry about it.
Clavis: I'll always give you pleasure. You can look forward to it.
-
Several days later––
Emma: Whoa, the crackling bubbles are overflowing from the bathroom all the way out here...
Emma: It's a good thing I was suspicious and threw the linen in from outside...
-
Emma: How on earth did the table and chairs rotate along with the carpet?
Emma: If I had stayed seated, I might have been in trouble.
-
Emma: That was close; if I had been a little slower to react, I would have been hanging upside down.
Emma: I wonder how he prepared this mirror that reflects upside down. I couldn't help but stare.
-
Emma: ...Alright!
The moment I opened the window, I swiftly dodged the sticky substance that flew in from outside.
(I haven't fallen for a single trap these past few days!)
(I've truly become a Trap Master... no, perhaps a Clavis Master?)
With a feeling of pure joy and a slight sense of superiority, I smiled at Clavis, who was beside me.
Clavis: ...........
Clavis put his hand to his mouth, pondering for a moment, and––
Clavis: I'm sorry, but I'll stop setting traps for you for a while.
Emma: Eh?
(Just when I was getting the hang of overcoming the traps.)
Clavis: It pains me to do this, but it's for your own good. Forgive me.
(Well, I guess it's a good thing that the townspeople won't be troubled by the traps anymore... right?)
Even as I answered, I felt an indescribable frustration in my chest.
-
Emma: ––So that's what happened.
The next day, I told Cyril, whom I met in the hallway, how Clavis had stopped setting traps.
Cyril: You've finally been freed, congratulations!
Cyril: Let's have a lavish meal tonight. No, let's have a party!
Emma: A party would be a bit much, Clavis would feel sad.
(And, it's true that things will be peaceful, but I also feel a little lonely...)
Just then, a whistling sound came from somewhere.
Emma: Huh?
Cyril: Huh?
.
.
.
.
Part 2
If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)
#ikepri translations#ikemen prince translations#custom made love story translation#clavis lelouch#ikemen prince clavis lelouch#a love tailored to you translation
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So, ah, it's been a while; but this will be finishing it off, for this year.
THE ANTARCTIC: A Fangame? by @ringedretrospective I am genuinely curious if this IS a fangame OF something; and if so, what, because "penguins fighting against angels in the long day, and other penguins in the long night", sounds RAD AS HELL.
Core Competence by @rathayibacter I always like "pick a beneficial trait, and take the detrimental trait which comes along with it", and that's like the base concept of this whole thing. It'd benefit from some examples -- ideally a wide range of skills and their corresponding restrictions to choose from -- but that's what you get with a 200-word limit (and also "coming up with good examples of stuff" is hard work).
Dagobert et Saint-Eloi by @bossarmadimon It's things like this which make me glad I can read French at a functional level. I highly respect the mindset of "doing it because someone said it was impossible", plus the game itself seems like fun. I'm probably missing a LOT of the context, since my exposure to francophone culture consists of two non-sequential months spent in Quebec in the mid-late 00s.
Destiny: Keep Dusk by @notsomeoneyouknow I already liked this just from the title; I've a weakness for things that are just synonyms of what they're based on. I love the concept of picking a Summons by just getting a random wikipedia article. Everything else feels like it would be hilarious if I knew more about Fate Stay Night.
Earth, Sun and Rain Grow a Plant by @cornishpatsy I just really like the bit about how it works out to okay if there's two much of two different specific things, because it balances out.
Expert Professional Liars by @souridealist I appreciate something that starts with "here's a weird thing to use as a randomizer" and then continues to "what type of thing would most fit with the results pattern given by this".
from nothingness by @kalinary That's something I don't think I've seen before, where everyone gets randomly assigned a trait and THEN only one person gets to keep it, I'm assuming here that it's their "true" trait and not something they were just "acting as" in the moment, going by "best embodied". I always love coming across new shiny concepts.
I'm an English Major, Not a Scientist! by @coopbella This concept amuses me. Like, I always love "everyone is secretly an X pretending to be a Y, and they think everyone else is actually a Y", but "librarians on a submarine" is great.
Interlocked Fates by @thefaewriter I respect the idea of having a bunch of games all together, which are all linked. But more than that, I like all the "again" in the vampire one; you can TASTE the frustration and annoyance with those damn vampires, and I love it. The rest of the stuff seems pretty good too.
AN INTIMATE INTERPLAY OF SWORDSMANSHIP ATOP A SUNLIT PEAK by @seth-a-nahk I really like that dice mechanic here. That's… not much to say, but there's not much TO say; it's not like I write a poem extolling the virtues of baked goods every time I eat a cookie, even a really yummy cookie.
Naive Rules to Argumentative Fantastical Play by @meticulac From the notes about this, it seems really cool; I love the concept. From the text of the game itself, however, that… wasn't so clear. This is another of those games that would really benefit from some more words; this one in particular, I want to read a version of it done WITHOUT a word-count limit, because some ideas simply can't be compressed beyond a certain degree without losing what makes them worthwhile (compare the album art done for vinyl records, vs the album art done for things that will play online and it'll mostly be seen in thumbnail), and I don't know what its "full proper size" would be.
On God's Desk By End Of Days by @krawkpaladin There were a bunch of things posted on the last day of this event with the theme of "oh frick it's nigh the deadline and stuff still needs to get done" (for obvious reasons). This one though actually feels like its own game, prolly due to the setting/concept (which is cool).
Prototypes by @derpravener I do not care about mech stuff; I don't HATE it, I just don't find it intrinsically cool. That being said, I like this, with the different options it has available to choose from.
Quaint Seaside Town Stuck In A Time Loop by @believerindaydreams Gotta say, "changing up who you are and what your role is" WORKS for a "stuck in a time loop" situation, can't believe I'd never seen that before. (One thing I need to point out, though: d66 means "roll a d6 for the ones place, and a d6 for the tens place", and leads to a total of 36 possible results, not 66.)
Secret Agents of the 60s by @wrrdbrrd I can't articulate what exactly I like about this, but I like it.
Sneaky Snack by @blueberrybananasmoothie This is simply DELIGHTFUL, large smile on my face.
TANGERRITORIAL by @certified-llama-chauffeur I'm just impressed that someone managed to figure out a way to make a TANGERINE part of a game. And the whole thing seems pretty functional, which… isn't a given for this event, and ESPECIALLY isn't a given for weird gimmicky stuff.
!(Zombie Apocalypse) ? Proceed As Usual : CYOA by @that-house I fucking hate Choose Your Own Adventure stories, and I have ever since I was a child; it doesn't matter the quality, I just hate the whole genre or medium or whatever it counts as. Still, I have to respect someone who manages to a) write this and b) get it all within the wordcount.
So that's it for the stuff from this event; I've talked about all the ones I found interesting enough to talk about. If I've mentioned one of your games on here or on the previous thread, and you want further feedback on it, feel free to hit me up. If you have a game I didn't talk about here... I can still give you feedback if you wish, I just likely won't have much to say and/or a decent chunk of it would be criticism, but it's your choice.
Continuation from my previous thread (because it got long), of stuff from @200-word-rpgs that I find interesting.
THE CURSE: A Rabbit and Steel Fangame by @ringedretrospective I'm not sure I've even HEARD of "Rabbit and Steel" before, let alone know what it's like. But having "apologize for what you did last night", as the single sentence for the "day" phase, amuses me greatly.
Make Brown by @thee-rat-king I like colour stuff; I also appreciate how "should or shouldn't end up brown" is a 50% thing determined at the start of the game. And that's just SUCH a cool concept, how one player gets their colour combined with that of the other.
Paleolithic Fantasy by @cavetalesz I agree with the writer (whose url is PERFECTLY fitted for this game), we need more stuff set in this… setting. And also more FANTASY stuff in that setting; heck, if we're going from the thing we commonly see in fantasy of "magic has been fading from the world", then the earlier back we go, the more room there is for magic (and also it's not like there's any written documentation to contradict it). As to the game itself, I appreciate how the "stuff you find" table includes entries with relevant stats, and then at the end there's just "the antlered man", no detail given.
Elegy For A Better Yesterday by @notsomeoneyouknow I don't have enough familiarity with John Woo movies to properly appreciate this. But from the design notes, it seems like a lot of thought went into mechanics that properly match the theme.
Mires by @i-exist-for-spleen and manguypersondude I appreciate something that, as they put it, turns "how partial a GM is inevitably going to be" into a feature and not a bug. Also, something that started with a design requirement ("no dice math") and then built from there. And yeah, when you just stumble upon a theme or concept that ties everything neatly together, that is SUCH a good feeling; the spark of inspiration that lights up the tinder you've prepared from your own efforts.
You Know How This Story Ends by @indraklyr I just think it's cool; everyone has things that will happen, then those things get placed in an order, then you play out how the things happen.
You Sunk My Battleship! by @ineffable-gallimaufry Gotta respect something that finds a way to turn BATTLESHIP, of all things, into an RPG.
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god i really want to get back into making cosplay/costume stuff but everything sounds overwhelming i dont even know how to articulate why its just. i havent actually done it very much and its hard
i usually get my mom to help me figure out how to do this stuff but its like. she has a full time job and even less of a clue than i do at making this kind of stuff. (other than sewing which she has mostly just made clothes)
id love to try to figure out how to do this stuff on my own or maybe find some people to actually help or at least to takl about it with or SOMETTHING but theres like. not really a community locally and im betting that even if there were regular meetups id do a horrible job of actually showing up if it wasnt something mandatory like school
i feel like im always overestimating how much i can do and how well i can do it and so even when i make something cool its still sorta frustrating.. and mostly its just so much work and then i get relatively little use out of it too
i dunno i have several projects i still need to finish and many many more that ive never started. lol. but i still feel like maybe it would be cool to try to do something. i feel like i want to make some dragonish type thing like horns or tail or something but i feel like i dont know where to start. maybe horns would be more doable cause tail seems like it would need a whole fuckin thing underneath to stay on, and apparently people just use headbands for horns? ive only ever made small forehead horns but big ones would be cool maybe but they seem difficult to balance and have them stay on
sorry this is probably hard to read but i just need to type this shit out somehwere to actually think about it i guess. screaming into the void or whatever with the small chance that someone might actually see it and maybe be able to offer some advice i dunno.
i know theres templates online for some of this stuff but it would be nice to be able to figure it out myself too. to be able to make stuff in more specific and different shapes and stuff
#just feeling really frustrated about random shit and i think trying to do something like this might be fun and maybe help a bit#but at the moment all its doing is making me more frustrated#its like i can picture some of the steps but mostly its just like. start -> ???? -> end steps -> finish -> fun#and thats Not Helpful#and all the videos i can find are just like. here print out this specific template and fucking. glue it together or whatever#and im like thanks i kinda figured thats how you would use a template but i kinda wanted to make my own#bleh blech idk i deserve a tail and horns and wings. optionally when it would be fun and when they would not get in the way#ooo also fangs and claws#technically i have some vampire fang caps but they dont fit very well and they make me feel like im wearing really itchy dentures#i need to refit them again sometime maybe#also i really should redo my nail polish. that might be good#something something visual of having claws without them actually getting in my way#anyway.
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yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.
Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.
When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.
And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.
With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#i think him learning how to be a peak lord and cultivation and everything else would help distract him from the internet withdrawal for the#most part. but the moment there's a lull in the day and his mind wanders or he becomes bored or stressed and he instinctively reaches back#for his phone and realizes it isn't there it just sends a spike of panic/frustration/irritation through him because its a familiar comfort#and now its gone. like this is all based off my own experiences from being Chronically Online but i just think its neat to think about#in that same vein i think it also pushes him into getting into the arts on QJP. Like as the peak lord naturally he would be doing this kind#of stuff but hes NOT the peak lord but to keep up appearances he has to know how to do this stuff. and finds it??? actually quite rewarding#even more than getting into an argument online or getting a new merch item. he's making or doing this stuff. he starts drawing and finishes#a piece and regardless of its skill level he feels something unclog in his chest. like sediment being scraped off the bottom of a creek and#being washed downstream. a weight that's been slogging through his veins suddenly untangled. physical proof of his efforts that feels great#starry is incapable of NOT giving her favorite blorbos more hobbies. starry is incapable of not giving her favorites artsy hobbies#this is probably NOT a new or original thought whatsoever but im throwing it out there anyways bc it fascinates me. i love transmigration#and albeit i've only read isekai manhwa/manhua there's a common theme of the people there assimilating into their new lives relatively quic#which i know is for ease of transition and getting to the rest of the story. but WHAT IF.#i have still not read svsss yet and idk when i'll be able to BUT have some thoughts anyways
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i do wish that people hadnt been so rabidly critical and vicious towards steven universe back in the day, because now it feels like u cant discuss any parts of the show u didnt like without getting lumped in with those guys lol
#like idk man i liked the show a bunch#but i did also fall off becayse like. yeah i can see the tragjectory of the show now!#i can see that it was always gona be about this broken family of the diamonda and all that#but like. idk man. i tend to prefer when we focus on the little guys#and yeah we did do some of that. but that (planned) swerve near the end there really lost my interest#like i know rose being pink does make her infiitely more complex and its a fine choice to make but it still didnt do anythng for me#i still would have mich preferred to focus on the corrupted gems#on the people with no power in this struggle#its lik how i understand that the diamonds are basically a metaphor for someones like. bigoted aunt or something#but that still doent mean that i like that the people who razed dozens of planets to the ground were given time and priority#over the footsoldiers man!!!#like yes yes i get it its a metaphor its a escalation what else where they gonan do but like idk man i can still not like that turn!!#i can still wish they just....idk overthrew them or bubbled them or something. idk pull an anndrias from aphibia. community service lol#i can still wish that steven had healed the corrupted gems like it felt like it was foreshadowed#(since. yknw. rose can heal physical things- and stevne can a bit too but he can astral project into -peoples minds.)#and the corruption was an inury of the mind first and formost.#like. why would u set that up and not do that jgsnsgknkjdnjkgds#i can stil lthink the proportion inconsistenies were weird and too me out of the moment#eh idk its frustrating#like it feels like u say somehng like this and u have one guy going 'ikr the ahow SUCKED steven shoulda KLLED THEM'#and another going 'omg its a KIDS SHOW SHUT UP FORVER NO CRITICSM'#abd im sitting here in the middle like i tihnk theres some nuance here lads. i think we can habe a middle ground#luke rambles
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One of those nights again where I try to remember things and gets facts in order while my brain hurts because of how much it wants me to stop
#cant sleep 👎#also im googeling the same symptoms over and over again even tho i know its gonna be the same results every time#like doing more research will somehow magically change anything#i think the most frustrating part is the not knowing#bc that means im not really entitled to anything im feeling ? and that im basically just overreacting for fun#i was very upset for a moment bc my parents neglected me growing up but i mean..#if i dont remember or know that anything bad happened bc of that neglect. well then do i even have the right to be upset ?#it feels like accusing them of a crime i was never witness to. just to create drama or something#but from the bottom of my heart! its not like that at all! i truly feel very bad and im just trying to make sense of that feeling#i used to say it was a good thing that i cant remember so much of my past. bc you know. the brain protects u for a reason#but now i don't know ?#not knowing if there are legitimate reasons for my weirdness or if im just being crazy sucks ass#feeling like i can't trust my own reality always has me unnerved#i miss being happy and carefree🥲 i think deep down i knew something like this might happen. i should have never compromised my peace#but now here we are 🤷♀️
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it
#personal#i just want to make things so bad#it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it#i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life#if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art#if im making something im spending less time with them#and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences#but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that#and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends#but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas#i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors#all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick#so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!!#i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included#but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad#i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum#maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes#for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult#and not spend to much time thinking about this
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the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice
#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email#ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown#at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in#and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm#m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚#(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say)#n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna#keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time#so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool#and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said#or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚#then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i#need anything‚ thank you'#and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case#i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only#acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard#keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before#and still my sentences prevail
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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