#but at least i got a haircut and i feel like myself again lol i truly can't do long hair i feel so much better now that it's shorter

[dumkana16]

my period is LATE. can't be pregnant btw so it's propably from all the extreme stress but the fact that it's late is just stressing me out more. endless cycle. and I'm still sad and angry and paranoid and grieving and upset and a mess. at least that jewelry gift card that I won last month arrived I GUESS there's that

[hardtofindneuro]

hello friends, i am here to follow scoops’ idea, and other writers, in ranking my own fics from least favorite to my absolute favorite. sex-mas isn’t in here because shiv and i co-wrote it, but go check it out!

i’ve also been writing a lot behind the scenes. i have so many wips in progress but im excited to share those with y’all in 2025!! also just so everyone knows, im so shook by how much i wrote this year?? didn’t i take a break? like multiple breaks? how did i write 20 fics, plus literally 19 wips? i don’t know. i really don’t. so sorry this is long!!

in last place, 20th: wrong costume. i actually had fun writing this fic! it was just like, a little insane and i was laughing the entire time i wrote it. definitely just a fun little thing i wrote for halloween season while learning to love writing again.

19th: a new meaning to halloween. this was cute! i had fun writing this one too, but it was just a short thing i ended up throwing together for halloween again. i don’t dislike it at all, actually i really like it, but i wrote so many fics this year that were very meaningful to me so that’s why this is at the caboose. dnf mpreg and gender reveals are always fun to write though.

18th: teach me. listen, i know a lot of people loved this fic and it has a special place in my heart, but it’s not my favorite. i was pushing myself to write it and post it while going through some stuff, and my writing has changed a lot since then. this fic was based on a real life excel sheet shiver shared with me that she was sending tinder men, btw. yes, you read that correctly. shiver canon.

17th: take control. this was just fun to write inspired by dnf being in minecraft lol. this was the first time since like, january, that i wrote smut and it wasn’t so extremely painful. it was finally fun again to write it and i wasn’t having to push myself to do it.

16th: gift a kiss. dream’s birthday fic. i wrote this super last minute but it was still really fun to write!

15th: first times. another one i liked writing, inspired by the hurricane. i wrote this so fast it’s a little ridiculous tbh but i like the final version i posted. i loved watching dream’s hurricane stream lol

14th: same day, different george. this was cute and i enjoyed writing something for the little anniversary. can’t believe george has been in florida this long already!

13th: fear. this fic has a special place in my heart. it was personal in a way that most things aren’t for me, and i was terrified to post it so i kept it off twitter & whatnot but im proud of how it came out in the end.

12th: life is a hardship. another one that was really personal and close to the heart. learning a lot about self care and love this year, and i know these types of fics aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but those who do like them seem to relate and find comfort in them which means a lot.

11th: it’s just hair. idk why i enjoyed this one so much. i think i just liked writing the dnf dynamic in this one and playing around with the idea of dream’s haircut to cope with the loss of curls, however i do like his hair now lol. it was just a shock before

10th: embrace the differences. this fic was just so out of my comfort zone i can’t believe i even got this idea out of the “idea” phase lol. it was a bit hard for me to finish but once i got into the groove, it was cool to play with it. i almost always write canon divergent so this was completely different and i’d love to try something like it again!

9th: it’s not a wedding. i don’t know why this was so hard to write but this took me so, so long but the end product was something i enjoyed. definitely fun to get started and i was glad to persevere on it, even though i was frustrated at the end.

8th: drowning. i just hold this this fic close to my heart. it was the first thing i wrote in second pov and again, not everyone’s taste, but something about writing in second pov makes it feel more personal to me and it was nice to switch it up. at this point, i was very unmotivated and the pov change made writing something i wanted to do again.

7th: label-less. not tons of aroace representation in fics so i thought it would be nice to give it some rep, especially because we all kind of have different views and experiences with it. i’m pretty open about my sexuality here but this was the first time i really wrote about it and it just kind of felt freeing, and during pride month!

6th: love big, love easy. hurt my heart in the way i love when angst hurts my heart to write. got to bring in old lore and stuff to play around.

5th: football BINGO. this was inspired by a tweet and that tik tok trend going around. top tier excitement and joy when writing this, just complete fluff which isn’t usual for me but i enjoyed this one for sure!

4th: going through the motions. this was the first thing i wrote and posted after all the drama in january, and march. it was also the first thing i really wrote and posted that was so personal, which was terrifying, but everyone was extremely kind to me about it and im proud that i took the risk to post it.

3rd: comeback, baby. literally so much fun to write. i had started this a million years ago and then george’s birthday stream ended up being so dnf insane that i ended up speedrunning the last 10k of it in less than a day. awesome stream and dream is insane for saying he was going to impregnate george. that’s all.

2nd: erase. this fic is just so personal and so different from my usual stuff. it’s not something many people read and that’s totally okay, but the people that did read it seemed to really be impacted by it and that’s all i could ever ask when anyone reads my fics. especially ones like this one.

and at number 1, surprise (not), is love you always. as many of you know, i decided to post this fic after my grandfather passed. this fic means the world to me and i recently just lost my grandma as well. i’m really hard on myself about pretty much everything but im truly proud of this fic. everything about posting this sucked and it really fucked me up, but it was worth the impact it made on others & how proud i am of it.

[starrypawz]

So uh personal update, on Gender (TM) as I don't think I've talked about this that much but like decisions are being made and this is like... a journey

So basically in 2018 I refereed myself to a NHS GIC as it was like 'Oh boy I am getting the genders and maybe enough of a case I should consider like... doing something' and at the time I had like some vague 'I might be transmasc' feelings and it was like 'I might want top surgery' so like I did that

And then time passes and I sort of forgot about it and then as people know the GIC system is super backed up anyway so like help.

And it was like four years later (2022) I had a message like 'Oh hey your first appointment is coming up now' and I had like... a debate about what I should do like if I even needed to go and was advised like 'at least attend your first appointment' and then during that one it was like 'Oh we can put you forward for some gender based talking therapy at least' and that seemed like a good idea

And then yeah during this time (2018-2022) I've like tried things, like I've had a binder, I went through that 'trying to dress more masc' phase, got a trans masc haircut (tm), covid happened and I came out the other side a goth weirdo, I find I'm actually more happy being a weirdo goth who sometimes wears skirts and dresses and I think I'm agender actually.

(Also like oh boy I'm not really living in circumstances where like doing that like typical 'get on hrt and transition' thing is going to work but I did havew to check in with myself to make sure that my decisions to not medically do anything wasn't just me wussing out but it's not it's just not quite the right step)

(And then during this time it's like 'lol my gender basically is like a bag of potatoes your forgot in the back of the cupboard i don't even know what it is right now)

And then more time passes and then like earlier this year it's like 'Oh hey you can start that now' and I have a therapy intake appointment and THEN it's like the clinician I'm seeing is like 'Oh I'm leaving the service actually but I'll do your initial intake and hand that over'

THEN

And now I can't remember how things went but it's like either I had my first appointment with the clinician, started adhd meds and then we had to have an appointment a month later or i started meds, had the appointment then a month break either way there was a delay to starting the therapy that during that time I started my ADHD medication and just as you know it basically fixed my brain somewhat and I can like... actually think and shit

But yeah basically turns out I actually didn't need to talk about my gender as much as I thought, It also turned out that a lot of the like weird disassociated feelings I've had going on are like 'that's the unmedicated adhd talking' (Not all of it but yeah a lot of it was like 'neurodivergent brain struggling to cope) and yeah I've like come to the conclusion that at least at this point I don't really feel that I actually need the 'medical' interventions (like hrt and or top surgery) like I've basically worked out where I am and that yeah actually I'm good thanks (Like tbh I've never had like very intense dysphoria so like dysphoria was not a useful metric for working out my gender, it's never really been physical features of mine causing distress it's more the social/metal side of things)

And yeah then a few weeks back it was like 'Oh here's your second appointment at the end of December' and it's like 'what the heck do I do now? I'm not planning to medically transition'

And yeah I had a therapy session today and basically my current plan is

I will attend my second assessment, it's apparently a good idea to do that as it means I have another chance to talk things over with someone, also it turns out you can be discharged from the GIC and then come back which is probably a good thing to have in my pocket should like circumstances change again like have a paper trail and like just have an official closure rather than just me leaving and potentially having to like start from square one again.

Also I'm meant to have two more therapy sessions in January so like it's probably a good idea to attend at least one of those so yet again it's like can close some stuff out.

So like I'm shuffling myself out but doing so in the like sensible official way. And yeah it has been a whole thing grappling with like if I'm wasting time/space since I know so many other people are behind me waiting to get in and uh... there's probably quite a few people ahead of me who didn't make it so like I am trying to exit the service as quickly as I can it's just... I'm going at the speed of red tape here.

[kohakhearts]

HI so like a normal person, I input 21 options of pokeani characters into a spinner wheel and spun it twice for the most random thing I could get. At first I got Serena and herself which won't work, and so I spun AGAIN and got May and Drew which is just the wheel and also God or perhaps the devil himself targeting me specifically, so I ignored it, so I spun AGAIN and got Dawn and Clemont. No on screen exchanges BUT through the web of "Dawn was a pokemon clothing designer and Lumiose has those fancy ass clothes shops", I guess they could meet that way??? Feel free to disregard but this has been my journey and I must share. Am I particularly invested in Dawn and Clemont? No, but the wheel said so, and who am I to question the wheel? Again, feel free to ignore lol

hi i LOVE this method (i also love that it gave you specifically may and drew. they will always be with you <3). serena selfcest is not one i’ve considered before but i will raise you it isn't entirely IMpossible because of that mirror world episode where there was an alternate dimension serena who bullied ash and made fun of him for being a crybaby or whatever? and actually i think i would love to see her with our own beloved regular dimension serena after serena’s big showcase loss and subsequent dramatic haircut. i think that would be incredibly chaotic and i live for chaos. but i digress

ok i have to confess dawn and clemont are both big faves of mine and i also think they both individually are relatively gay-coded (not literally but like. To Me). so i can’t see it at all yet simultaneously i’m so suddenly obsessed with the concept that i’m going to force myself to see it. i’m imagining this as like, dawn being a big name fashion designer and serena and bonnie being really like WE NEED TO GO SEE HER FASHION SHOW or something and clemont’s just along for the ride but dawn’s style turns out to be all kinds of intriguing to him because as it turns out they have similar outlandish ways of Thinking about things. i'm not sure how he could possibly infer this from her clothes (which...in the actual anime look very Normal, not all that outlandish at all. LMAO. but shh). in a way she becomes like a Muse to him...inspiring all kinds of explosive inventions. they'd have this like...he refuses to actually Meet her because it'd ruin the illusion thing but when they actually do meet she would be very flattered, probably a bit embarrassed, and then she'd 180 and be like what the FUCK do you mean i inspired 2734574839 inventions that aLL EXPLODED???? she'd be on a Mission to get his life under control. it's all very romantic because somehow she would directly help him create a non-exploding invention and in the process they would experience so many explosions together and he would see her frizzed-up hair that she's so self-conscious about and he'd think she looked Lovely like that and he'd be so, like, earnest about it that she would come to enjoy the explosions...uh, metaphorically speaking, at least

all the while, bonnie and serena are completely shocked that this world-renowned fashion designer is hanging around the lumiose gym, but hey. as long as they're having fun???

[sandcastles-fall]

11/12

repeats on hills this morning, i felt strong for once and did very well. i’m thrilled with my progress even on my tired legs. my workout yesterday didn’t impact me as much as i thought it would. it felt good just to keep pushing and feel the work take over.

bb told me that i did well, too. he said he had to give me a lot of credit, apparently out of everyone he’s trained to run i’ve stuck around the longest. i’m also the only non-military person he’s worked with. told me i work harder and i’m more consistent than any of them. like always he’s right on multiple levels. we have a very similar way of thinking and he’s pushed my mentality past what i thought was possible. i’ve surpassed every goal i’ve set for myself and i’m still looking forward to see what to grasp for next. every obstacle or challenge put in front of me i’ve knocked over and pushed it into the dirt.

i know that the large part of my success comes from within me and from that effort that i put in. but so much of it is from him too. he pushes me, believes in me, keeps me around when so many others would have just disappeared. i owe him so much, and i can’t even think of a way to pay him back.

i asked him at the beginning of this morning if he was okay. he shot right back, “yeah, why? did i do something?” he claims he’s just tired. i know that’s a lie, or at least a lie by omission. i’m not going to push it. he’s in a weird spot. he wants to have a conversation with his wife about how he’s feeling and can’t find a good time. it’s her birthday. i would have told him to pass on a “happy birthday” for me, but she doesn’t deserve one.

i pulled cards again last night and got the wheel. assholes as always, i know change is coming. i know it’s unavoidable. i just don’t want it.

he said he’s getting a haircut again this week, and asking the girl to trim his beard for him. just giving me a heads up lol. maybe it will look good, i bet it will. i’ll be nice about it when i see it.

[fantasticcloudcreation]

June 4

Just watched one of those feel-good movies on Netflix and the main guy looks exactly like one of my leads at work, had a lil crush on him before just bc he's hot and funny and unattainable but now that his movie character is also sweet and loving I'm like damn 😍 looking forward to seeing him at work again now 🤣 funny how it works like that... Realistically the only way I'd have a chance with him is if I moved up into a management role but like that's not entirely out of the question so..??? We'll see what happens (probably nothing haha)

Today I ate a mushroom flatbread, some sweet potato fries, a glass of rosé and a bag of microwave popcorn. I think that's it actually? I guess I'm getting back into the practice of casually not eating. Helps that I've been staying with my mom and she's always on a diet, she was joking about her new diet being "no food in June" and I'm like "that's not healthy" but also low-key hopping on board lmfao. About to go visit my foodie friend and I know he's gonna take me somewhere good to eat so I gotta prepare myself for that lol but it'll be ok!

Also the other day the bartender was looking at my ID and was like "you lost weight, your face is so much thinner" I'm like girl thanks nice to hear my face looks thin but I think technically I was probably around the same weight, just a bad haircut + bad lighting in the photo lol. I've had that pic since June 2017 (should've gotten a new photo when I got my license renewed this winter but I did it online and didn't feel like going into the DMV) But that was right around the time I started really losing weight, actually hit my LW like 6 months later, funny how life works like that haha. At least my ID pic isn't from my LW or people would be constantly telling me I gained weight 🙃

Anyway!!! I still haven't exercised besides the very short walk to the bar to pick up dinner. But I'm leaving here tmro, visiting two sets of friends then driving somewhere who knows where I have the next month off work so I could technically go anywhere but I think I'm gonna visit my brother and my dad and stay at one of their houses to do some art/craft projects. Also pick up some legal weed so I can get high and feel creative, cut back on the vape/alcohol. And hopefully exercise every day bc otherwise my body will lose all of its muscles and I need to get my cardio levels back up to like, medium at least haha. 🙏 Things are working out!!!

[letterstojori]

5.8

Dear Jori,

You’re streaming again. It’s a Monday though so that’s interesting. Maybe your brother is out. You posted on your story on IG like you always do when you’re streaming. You got a haircut. It’s been about a month and a half? Since your drunk stream when you got a cut and dyed your hair. Tbh I thought you were super cute whenever your hair would cover your face a little and it was all black and you kept wearing a hat cause it was too long. But blonde you was also hot. I still remember cuddling with you and your hair was in my face and it felt like dyed hair (well duh cause it was dyed) but I mean like oh yeah I remember this feeling I had dyed hair before too.

Im trying really hard to restrain myself from clicking your twitch. I think I’ll succeed. You’re doing you now. I think what helps it not feel so hard is believing that we could still exist in the future. Because like Solon said, it’s up to me whether I want to chase after you. And if that’s in 5 years, so be it. I wonder how you’d react to that. Either you’d be flattered or maybe just kinda weirded out.

It’s teacher appreciation week. I wonder if you’ve heard. I mean idk if most people know about it unless you’re like friends with teachers or something. That’s the thing about being an older kid teacher. You don’t get as many gifts lol. But yeah was kinda mad today cause the school bought us lunch but 5th grade was the last lunch and the other teachers literally ate all of the honey walnut shrimp. I found out that some other teachers were even making plates to go before we had a chance to eat -_-

I was supposed to start Somnium Files today but ended up playing a few more runs of Wildfrost and just watching videos. Soju has stopped streaming ever since that tourney. It’s kinda funny you opened up the whole twitch world to me. I was a YouTube frog through and through. I taught you that term haha…

But yeah was supposed to start and finish somnium by Thursday so I had Friday and the rest of the weekend to play Zelda. My brother said it’s really good cause he pirates it. I wonder if you’ll play it since the only Zelda game you played was BotW but you liked it at least.

Might just sleep early.

Good luck on your Valuo games. I still remember how I told you I can’t aim and you asked me if I went to the bathroom that day. Miss you Jori. Goodnight.

-bearbear

[antique-traveler]

a thrill that i have never known

so i've been Feeling Bad About Myself lately, so i wrote myself a little something to, like, cope i guess. this was written as a way for me to kind of process/look past the dysphoria i've been having recently, so it might be a little bit hashtag cringe or fail or whatever lol. baby's first ventfic i guess.

if you're trans and reading this and having a bad time like i've been, you're not alone, i know how you feel, you're well worth the space that you take up. it'll be okay <3

[note: reader's transition in this is a representation of what i want for my own transition, and that doesn't look the same for everybody. being transmasc does not require you to cut your hair, or dress a certain way, or go through with any medical procedures. a haircut or lack thereof is not necessary for you to be the gender you are.

also the book i quoted from is one of my all-time favorite books, Johnny Got His Gun by dalton trumbo. it's amazing and if you're at all interested in anti-war novels you should read it asap]

2.9k, T, Matt Murdock x Transmasc!Reader, warnings: needle/injection mention, descriptions of gender dysphoria

You’re not… afraid to tell him, per se. You know Matt, you know what a good heart he has and how slow he is to judge, but you also know that he’s straight. Which… complicates things. 

You’ve been together for nearly seven months now, and you’ve loved every second of it. But four months ago, when you realized that you’re not the woman he’s attracted to, you knew that telling him that would change everything. Each day living as her hurts, though, and you know that your options are either to hate yourself for the rest of this relationship, or be let down easy and continue your life as the man you want to be.

Today is Wednesday, and you decide to come out on Friday when you know he’ll be able to blow off steam as Daredevil after you tell him. You’re both sprawled on his couch, legs in each other’s laps, reading quietly together.

Well, he’s reading, you’re already so nervous that you’ve been stuck on the same page for the last five minutes at least. You start the paragraph again, and try to really focus on the words past the thrumming of your heartbeat in your ears. “Nobody but the dead know whether all these things people talk about are worth dying for or not. And the dead can't talk.” You chew the inside of your lip and rub the corner of the page between your thumb and forefinger, when suddenly Matt tilts his head at you and takes out the earbud that he’s listening to his audiobook through.

He pokes your arm with this foot and tilts his head. “What’s up?”

Your blood runs cold and you force yourself to stay casual. “The sky.”

“No, come on,” he says seriously, sitting up beside you and putting his earbuds and computer to the side. “You haven’t turned a page in a long time.”

“Well, maybe I just liked the page I’m on so much I wanted to read it a few more times.”

He sighs and gives you a weary look. “You’ve been… off for a few months. Sadder. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Well, there goes all chances of putting off this conversation until Friday. You both know that your heart is slamming against your ribcage and your hands are shaking, and with that knowledge you realize that you have to tell him, and you have to tell him now.

“You know, I actually was planning on telling you on Friday.” You laugh nervously, but Matt stays stone-faced. You clench your hands into fists and dig deep inside you for the courage you need. Maybe Matt will let you borrow some of his. “I– I don’t want this relationship to be over, Matty, but I think once I say this it might be.”

Matt’s brow furrows and he moves closer to you. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not anything bad,” you amend. “It’s just, um, it’s different.” Matt raises his eyebrows and beckons you to continue, and you can feel your pulse throbbing in your throat. “I don’t, um… I’m not a woman. I realized a few months ago that I– I’m trans. I’m a man.”

Matt gapes at you silently and your heart drops. He’s not saying anything, just pinching his eyebrows together as you feel tears start to gather in your eyes.

“I know that you’re straight, Matt,” you say quietly, “and I don’t want to force you to be with someone you’re not attracted to. But I– I can’t keep living as a woman, I can’t do it.” Your voice breaks and you feel hot tears start to rush down your face as Matt stays silent. You sniffle and turn away from Matt’s still form, slipping your feet into your shoes. “I’m gonna go home. I’m sorry.”

You don’t even know if you mean that last part. You know that you shouldn’t be sorry, that every therapist in the world would tell you to never apologize for coming out and trying to be who you are, but the broken, confused look in his eyes is enough to make you feel guilty for something, for anything, for everything. 

You don’t even bother to tie your shoes as you walk out of his apartment.

><><><

The forceful pounding on your door is enough to make you nearly spill your coffee as you pour it into your mug. Somehow your face still feels puffy after all the crying you did once you got home last night, and you really don’t want anyone to see you in just your pajamas right now. You don’t have a binder, and bras have become more and more uncomfortable to wear, so you’re just in a t-shirt and sweatpants, the long hair that you hate and Matt loves falling down your back in a way that makes your skin crawl.

Whoever it is knocks again, so strongly that you’re almost surprised your door doesn’t splinter into a million pieces right then and there, and you force yourself to go and answer it. Slowly, you open the door and see Matt, hair a mess, tie askew, and face looking stricken without his glasses to hide his eyes. You swallow hard and curl the hand that isn’t still resting on the doorknob into a tight fist.

“Hey, Matt,” you say quietly, waiting for the painfully gentle letdown you know is coming.

“Hey,” he replies, clearly nervous.

Neither of you says anything after that, and eventually you just step aside and let him walk past you into your kitchen.

“Coffee?” you ask, adding cream and sugar to your own mug.

“No, I– I want to talk.”

Of course he does. You sigh and take a long gulp of coffee even though it’s still a bit too hot and try to calm your nervous heart. “Okay, let’s talk.”

“What’s your name?” he asks, and you silently commend him for such a strong starting question. You tell him, and he quietly repeats it back to himself. You’re rather proud of your name, to be honest. You’d thought long and hard about it and you think it suits your personality, something which not many cis people can say.

“Why–” he clears his throat, “Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

Woof. What a question. You set your mug down and rest both your hands on the counter. “I… I wanted to hold onto us, Matt. The longer I stayed in the closet, the longer I could keep on being with you. And obviously that’s not all of it, for a while there was a certain amount of doubt and thinking about what I want going forward, but eventually it just became… not wanting to let you go.”

Matt nods thoughtfully. “What do you want going forward?”

And there’s the million-dollar question, the one that’ll cost you thousands of dollars and half of your relatives. “The whole nine yards,” you laugh nervously. “I’m getting my hair cut next week, for starters, and I’ve saved up some money for new clothes. And I want to go on hormones and get my, um… breasts removed.”

Matt is quiet for a moment before he simply says, “Okay.”

“O… kay?” You can’t for the life of you figure out what that’s supposed to mean.

“If that’s what you want,” he says firmly, walking towards you, “then okay, we can do that.”

“We?” you feel a little stupid for just parroting him again, but you’re too confused to linger on that.

“I love you,” he says as he grabs your hands, and you feel a shiver run up your spine, “all of you. And if that means I’m not straight, then I guess I’m not straight.”

You feel the prick of tears in your eyes again and you bite your lip. “Okay,” you whisper.

Matt rests a hand at your jaw and strokes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away the wetness there. “I’m not gonna stop loving you,” he says, and something in you melts.

You breathe out shakily and he wraps his arms around you, cradling the back of your head as you bury your face in his neck. He holds you tight and solid and you squeeze back, feeling the happiness and relief and hope buzz through your body all the way to your fingertips, and you’re lightheaded with the feel of him.

><><><

Three weeks later, one of Matt’s clients is throwing a party to thank him and Foggy for saving their restaurant, and Matt has suavely asked you to be his plus one. Matt will be at your place any minute to pick you up, but you still can’t tear your eyes away from the mirror. 

Your reflection isn’t perfect, there’s still so much that you can’t spare more than a glance without getting angry, but you’re slowly making your way towards looking like yourself. The cut of your pants combined with the small floral pattern on your dress shirt hides the curve of your hips well, and the short crop of your new haircut is square and strong. Your frame looks completely different with your binder, and you can’t stop running your hands over your chest. Even the shape of your new leather shoes makes you strangely giddy. 

After God knows how long, you hear Matt knock on the door, and rush out of your room to meet him.

“Hey,” you smile as you open the door, and it’s reflected on his face. 

“Hey,” he leans in for a kiss and runs a hand down your arm. When he pulls away, he moves his hand into your hair, carding his fingers through the short locs on top before tracing them over the sides and back where the barber’s clippers had shaved it close to your scalp. He smiles again as he feels your hair, and warmth floods your cheeks.

“I cut it two weeks ago,” you laugh, “you don’t have to act so surprised by it every time you see me.”

“Well, excuse me for appreciating your hair,” he says dryly, but the smile still hasn’t left his face. He kisses you again, resting a hand on your chest– he says he likes how you feel in your binder– before you pull back again.

“Are you just gonna keep making out with me or are we actually gonna go to the party being thrown for you?”

“You know, when you put it like that…” he tilts his head from side to side, pretending to weigh his options, and you push him out into the hallway and close the door behind you.

The party is warm and bright as you enter, and Foggy starts (badly) singing ZZ Top’s Sharp Dressed Man when he greets you by the bar. Matt squeezes your elbow as you blush, and you gladly accept the beer that Foggy hands you.

Each time Matt introduces you to someone, the restaurant owners or their children or the accountant, they ask if you’re his girlfriend, and each time Matt puts on a serious smile and says, “No, this is my boyfriend.”

All in all, it’s a pretty good night.

><><><

Your used needle makes a light clattering sound as you drop it into the sharps container in Matt’s– no, your bathroom, and the sound never fails to make you happy. You place a tacky Spongebob Band-Aid over the injection site on your thigh and reverently put your vial of testosterone back in the medicine cabinet above the sink. It feels slightly juvenile, but you take a moment to examine your reflection anyway. You’ve only been on T for a few months now, but your jaw is already starting to square out, and your eyebrows have gotten much thicker. You’re eternally grateful that you haven’t gotten much acne (at least, not yet), and you’ve already noticed changes in the way your body holds fat and muscle. 

It feels like watching one of those timelapse videos of seeds growing into fruit trees; each passing day, each injection and each time a stranger calls you “he” on the first try feels like you’ve just sprouted a new leaf, grown a new branch, stretched higher and higher into the sky as you grow into a strong oak tree.

Matt thinks your metaphors are a bit too florid, but you say he’s just lacking in imagination.

You walk into the kitchen that you and Matt share now in just your boxers and binder as he fills your favorite Star Trek mug with coffee. You lean back against the counter beside him and smile into the chaste kiss he gives you as he hands you your coffee. He takes in a deep breath through his nose and makes a face.

“What?” you ask, taking a brief sip of your coffee and finding it still too hot.

Matt blushes slightly. “You, uh, you smell different,” he laughs.

“Shit, did I forget to put on deodorant–?”

“No, no, it’s not bad,” he says, still smiling. “Just, your baseline scent has changed since you started T. It’s… richer?”

“I’m gonna choose to interpret that as a compliment,” you decide, “so thank you.”

“It was, and you’re welcome.”

“The many benefits of having a superhero boyfriend,” you muse. “Who else would be able to compliment me on my rich scent?”

Your voice breaks loudly on the last word and your eyes go wide. You raise a hand to your throat and laugh shyly.

“Aw, your voice is changing,” Matt coos condescendingly. “Is it time for me to give you the talk? You know, your body’s going through a lot of changes–”

You punch him lightly in the arm, and he rubs at it overdramatically while he mouths an exaggerated “ow”. 

“Shut up,” you laugh, rolling your eyes, “you’re the worst.”

Matt sighs wearily. “Ugh, puberty’s making you so moody.” He clearly means for it to be sarcastic and dry, but his smile breaks through on the last word. You just take another sip of your coffee and prepare yourself for how much he’s going to tease you for your voice breaking in the coming months.

><><><

The air in your bedroom is cool and you can hear the elderly couple above you loudly playing Etta James on their old record player. Matt’s lying beside you with a contented smile on his face while he rubs his thumb over your cheek and jaw.  “And here we are in heaven, for you are mine at last,” Etta croons from upstairs, and you smile against Matt’s hand.

“I’m glad you’re growing it out,” Matt says from the pillow next to you as his thumb grazes over your stubble again. “I think a beard suits you.”

“Me, too,” you hum. “Or maybe I just want to match with you.”

“Copying my look? That’s low.” You both laugh and Matt leans in to kiss you long and slow. Matt’s hand rests on your neck and the low hums that you make into the kiss rumble through both of your bodies. 

Before you know it, you’re lying on your back with Matt crouched over you, running his hands along your bare arms and shoulders. You don’t have the superhero physique that Matt does, but the ease with which you build muscle now is shown by the new breadth of your shoulders. Matt’s hands roam over to your chest and his fingers dance across the clean, even scars on your chest. You don’t have much sensation there, even six months after your top surgery, but feeling Matt’s touch there is enough to fill you with warmth.

Matt pulls away from your lips and kisses the stubble on your cheek, the angle of your jaw, your Adam’s apple, the crest of your shoulder, your well-healed scars, and your face burns hot with each kiss. He rests a hand on your cheek and smiles at you.

“I don’t think I ever said it,” he whispers, “but thank you.”

“For what?” you laugh, and, even after being on testosterone for a year and a half, the low rumble of your laugh still fills you with pride.

Matt smiles like the answer is obvious. “For coming out. I’m so happy I got to know this you.” He runs his thumb over your stubble for the dozenth time that night, and the only reaction you can seem to form is a shy laugh.

“Uh, you’re welcome?”

“I’m serious,” he says earnestly. “I know we were both… uncertain about how everything would continue once you started your transition. I… was afraid that I’d promised you something I couldn’t go through with; I thought I was straight and I didn’t know how long everything would last. But I just… God, I feel so lucky to know you.”

You swallow past the lump in your throat, and all you can say is, “Matty…”

“I love your voice,” he says, seemingly out of nowhere, “and I love your hair and your chest and your beard. Fuck, this is so sappy, but thank you for letting me learn that I love all of this.”

Shit, what words are there to respond to that? Your eyes feel hot and wet, and you grab Matt’s cheeks to pull him into another kiss. 

You remember that scared boy you had been two years ago the night you came out, and you feel him somewhere inside the man you are now, marveling at who you’ve become. Back then you’d thought that the best case scenario was for Matt to tell you sadly that he was straight and break your heart as gently as he could. But now your beard scratches against Matt’s as he kisses you, and he’s running his hands along your flat chest, and your voice as you moan into the kiss is deep and low, and hidden in your half of the closet is a ring box you carry around everywhere you go, waiting for the perfect moment, and you think:

God, this is what my life was always supposed to be.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 7 Apr ‘21

Louis left Tulum and went to Mexico City, and we got airport pics from both ends: the gathered fans were told by his bodyguard that they should keep their distance but that yes, pictures would be allowed. Thank you Louis! We got to see him a little for the first time in so long, in videos of him walking by (and getting ready to walk by) and blurry pics of him with his guitar, and Oli and Charlie- I’m excited to someday see the footage of whatever they’re working on. But for now, finally some proper pictures of the long long hair, or at least the below the hat part, all flippy and like...LONG! It’s on his SHOULDERS! Early pics had some interesting shadows around an elbow, prompting a flurry of NeW TaTtoO?? excitement, but when more pics were posted we could see that no, his elbow remains the same, false alarm. Once that tattoo kerfuffle died down the interest refocused on his shirt, which featured- a whole damn pile of skulls!

Louis went through a long phase of wearing skull shirts a while back, and the fact that it was during a period of a lot of very pointed t-shirt messages (and that he kept doing it more than ever despite knowing what we were reading into it) seemed to reinforce the theory that he did in fact mean things by it, and seeing him say yes to fan photos while wearing this shirt for the occasion… well! WELCOME BACK public Louis, we MISSED YOU! Yesterday’s shirt was for the band Obituary- is the band name a nod at the fact that Syco, generally considered to be the main target of previous skull shirts, is now dead and gone (rest in pieces assholes:))? Is Louis drawing attention to the livestream that band did a few days ago for their album ‘The End Complete’, and if so, is that also about Syco or about… something else? Inconclusive, but if we were meant to find their song “End It Now”, that can truly only be about one thing!! Am I to believe that SBB himself, Mr “I like to draw the fans’ attention to the lyrics of things” just, whoopsy, missed that! I mean, you would think every band on earth has lyrics about “ending it“ with the number of times he’s made that mistake, damn… he just never learns. Poor Louis, gosh how embarrassing! Lol. Anyway, I’ve seen people wondering lately what will happen when all the fans that have joined us in this time of lockdown and of no real contact with Louis will react when their version of Louis has to compete with the real one- and him barely being back at all but immediately reminding people that he is not a dad FFS feels like an excellent beginning, this should be good! BUCKLE IN friends! The real Louis is sooo much more fun than the boring made up one, just get ready to enjoy the chaotic energy and trying to keep up with him….

Oh also Louis liked a Snuts tweet about being underdogs as they fight to get the release week UK #1 for their new album, and a charity says they reached out to Louis AND LOTTIE to play in their celeb footie match PLEASE, HOW CUTE WOULD THAT BE? Come on Tomlinsons, say yes!

Liam has a big interview in Glamour to promote his BAFTAS performance! If *I* were doing the piece I would have really gone hard on the Two Liams angle of the performance (in which Liam will be accompanied by a hologram of himself) but alas they are boring and only interviewed one of him- maybe the part where he says “you're on stage, you're a certain type of person, and at home you're a certain type of person” sort of counts? The “that's always something I've really struggled with” makes it not so fun though, but that’s a Liam interview for ya; worrisome and makes you want to hug him a lot. “I didn't actually realize this for a long time, but I often give a little bit too much away,“ he says, and today is no exception. We catch up on the time since last we heard from him, when he told us he was going to take some well-earned time off and try to focus on writing new music; he continues to have difficulty with downtime unfortunately. Oh Liam, I do wish it were easier for you to take a break! He says, “I stopped working and I had a full, proper month off [and that was] really hard. And it was all a bit dark for me for a little bit... not being able to go anywhere, not being able to do anything. It really, really hit home. And I just found myself sat in the same place day in, day out. And I was like, okay, I really do not know what to do with myself” and “for me, learning to relax has always been quite a hard thing to do because I feel like if I'm not moving forward, then I must be going backwards.” He goes on to say “so, in a way it's kind of a blessing in disguise, as this has all kind of taught me to relax a little bit more. And to not be so worried about that, like the world is not going to fall over if I don't do something today,” and I wish I believed him, but that’s Liam’s way, to be like oh I need to add something upbeat and end on a cheerful note! So IDK. He also talks about drinking too much, at the beginning of lockdown especially, and how he’s dealt with it by getting back to working out and dieting. There’s nothing there that he hasn’t talked about before (he’s publicly addressed both his struggles with alcohol dependency and has talked a lot about his disordered eating though he hasn’t himself named it that) but after publication Glamour edited the piece to omit the part about his drinking-- I’m guessing the augmented reality app people didn’t feel it fit their ideal image (sigh). What that leaves is him saying how nice it was to be able to eat what he wanted during lockdown but that having the boundaries and rules in place of restricting his food again has made him feel better about himself, which if you ask me is still plenty distressing. Oh Liam :( <I’ve never wanted to hug someone so bad/ Spongebob meme> On a slightly more cheerful note, he tells us he feels supported and heard by a manager that he’s close to, and by Louis, and that those relationships are good for him (the interviewer does ask about Bear, but financee Maya is not mentioned even once in this article). The piece ends with a startling response to a comment about his upcoming performance: “I'll see you wherever you want me in your house, I guess.”

Niall posted about his Masters (golf) fantasy league and he was seen out and about! He was photographed in London driving a car the size of a house and on the street carrying one of his dozens of different reusable water bottles, with his hair floppy and down- is it a new haircut or just unstyled??- and shorts and little roundish shades. Hello Neil! There was a rumored sighting of Harry in London as well but no pics and like we know he’s there anyway so… shrug. And iHeart award nominations are up, and they’re pitting louies against harries, ouch. Will it be nasty (well when isn’t it even without this voted category, sigh), or will the louies simply steamroller everyone as per usual? Only time will tell, but if so harries can console themselves with their likely wins in the Male Artist of the Year, Best Lyrics (Adore You), and Song of the Year (WS) categories.

[doubledgesword-2]

Can I get Vil Schoenheit x Rival Celebrity? They shoot insults at each other but end up flirting? Take it as far as you want! Any gender reader is fine lol

Oh, ma Gooosh!! This is the first Matcha Tea I've gotten, and I'm all for this. I had so much fun with this one, and I want to show you lil' sugar cubes the difference between characters I know and the ones that I don't. I do my research before writing a character that I'm unfamiliar with, but I will be sincere: I butchered the last request (Shalnark's). I will try to rewrite it, but other characters apart from the stated ones are a bit hard for me ( ˘︹˘ ).

I will always try my best for ya'll! Enjoy this steaming Matcha (❛‿❛✿)

“What a shameless potato,” nimble fingers scrolled down on their phone, looking at the menagerie of pictures from one single account: yours.

You and Vil were from the same industry, just not the same department per se. While he was a model and actor, you were a j pop star and actress. Your popularity and his were on the same level, but he was slightly higher if you asked him or his fans. Ever since the two of you met on set for a fantasy-like movie, you repelled each other’s presence like oil and water.

Amethyst eyes glared at your smiling picture, and a thousand critiques passed through his mind. Your make-up did not complement your features; what was your make-up artist thinking? That nail polish didn’t match with your skin, and your haircut didn’t go with your face and countless other thoughts. But that wasn’t his place to tell, and besides, you living in his head rent-free wasn’t good for his skin. Stress kills, and thinking about you was very stressful.

The subway doors opened, and Vil gripped his side bag, adjusting his beret and sunglasses and walking out with the amount of confidence and power it took to walk down the runway. The sea of people diligently coming and going parted for him without a cue. They just did like mindless fish around a predator. It was in their nature to give in, in the presence of something so regal.

Vil had a photoshoot to go, and he couldn’t miss a beat. His agenda was full and complicated; anyone who tried to follow it would surely lose their minds after the first three days of the same arduous pace. But he could handle it with the grace of a swan. He was the great Vil Shoenheit. He wondered if you could handle a week in his shoes. You probably would drop exhausted and disheveled, complaining about the hard work. The thought made him smirk smugly, and passerby fans who recognized him couldn’t even keep up to ask for an autograph.

He just couldn’t fathom how you had such a fan base with your attitude and manners. Sure, in front of the cameras, you were a sweetheart, stealing everyone’s hearts, singing like an empowered angel, and making them think you were as far from the villain he knew you truly were. Vil knew your kind and recognized it the moment he met you on set. Heck, you couldn’t even contain your disdain in interviews when the two of you had to sit side by side. It was uncomfortable, to say the least; the poor reporter was so painfully awkward trying to alleviate the tenseness in the room.

“So (Y/N), how do you feel being an actress in a big-budget movie while also singing and performing the next week? Is it exhausting?”

You sided glared at Vil, and gave the reporter a smug grin. “Well, I think I can handle a little bit of work. It’s not in me to sit around and look pretty, you know. But then again, I guess that’s what some people are into, so we can’t judge them. They might not understand hard work.”

Vil smiled with closed eyes. You were such an amateur. If it weren’t for the fact that you were actively throwing shade on him and being so annoying at it, too, he might think you were cute.

Of course, Vil wouldn’t back down; that’s not what he was taught. The crown was his, and he would take it with hard work and determination. Which means potatoes like you don’t really matter in the long run of things.

“Vil-senpai, how do you manage your modeling gig and your acting? I mean, it must be hard to run from one event to the next since they’re so close behind each other?”

“Well, dear, we models are more than just a pretty face. We represent big companies and events that many couldn’t even fathom getting into. My schedule might be a bit tight, but I was born into this lifestyle, and I have learned many skills to help me move and work in these types of environments. I can say one thing for sure not a lot of people can handle my agenda, one day in my heels, and they might slip if you know what I mean, darling.”

You scoffed under your breath, and it made Vil’s smile grow wider.

“Ahh, Vil-senpai is a hard worker for sure. Perhaps one day I could do an interview that can provide insight to one day of your agenda.”

“Anytime you want, darling, it would be lovely,” he knew with every word that came out of his mouth; you simmered even more.

“Are there any hobbies or activities that can fit into your schedules?

Vil was about to open his mouth when you beat him to it.

“Well, I don’t think he’s allowed to have any, you know, with his busy schedule. But I do love partaking in (hobby). I think it is a nice way to unwind and take my mind off of everything. Since stress it’s not good for your vocals, you know. I try to keep myself in top shape for my lovely fans.”

Vil was raging. How dare you interrupt him when he was clearly about to talk. Didn’t your parent taught you any manners, or are you so much of a spoiled brat to care for?

“Ahh, interesting. Does Vil Sendai have any hobbies in particular?

“As a matter of fact, I do” you were looking at him with an expectant smirk. You were genuinely curious to hear what he had to say. “I like to make beauty and make-up tutorials that are beneficial for a lot of my fans. I like to show them how to use brushes correctly what and what not to do with concealer. Those are bonding moments for me and my fans. I think they are important.”

At the end of that interview, a single question brought the anger and tense meter to burst. Now the tensions and dislikes weren’t palpable. They were visible.

“Oh, I’ve had some partners, but I like to focus more on my work, unlike some other artists who like to jump around; my projects come first, and I don’t want to ruin my partner’s and I relationship by not spending enough time with them.”

“Wow, he really doesn’t like to have fun.”

“I do just not with the likes of you.”

“Come on, pretty boy, you couldn’t handle me even if you were begging pretty on your knees.”

“Dream on, potato, you might be prettier than most potatoes, but you’re still that a potato with some potential. I bet if push came to shove, you wouldn’t last seconds with me.

“I bet you wouldn’t make it into the second round without having to retouch your make-up with me. Besides, it’s not like you’ll last long enough to even sweat that much.”

“Well, that’s a relief to know I wouldn’t have to put much effort into pleasing someone like you.”

The reporter was utterly flushed, and that was cut from the interview recording. Good thing that it was, or people might’ve gotten the wrong impression. That you liked each other or something.

Or something.

After that interview, rumors spread like they always do, and fans started gossiping about the two of you secretly together but having to hate each other in public to save face since it’s a big rumor that singers and models don’t actually go well together in the industry.

Such wild imagination and machinations fans have. It brought out a small chuckle.

Vil passed through the automatic doors telling the receptionist his name and guiding him to the set. Once there, he settled his stuff over the make-up table and sat back to look once more through his phone.

“Have you seen this?” A text notification annoying appeared on the screen.

Vil tch and opened the message to reveal a very well photoshopped photo of him and you sitting and drinking at some café. You were smiling like he just told you you were beautiful, and it was a good look on you.

This was outrageous. Who would go to such lengths? Suddenly a bag dropped right on the table next to him. He looked up to meet your eyes as you took off your sunglasses, slowly realizing who was sitting beside you.

“Oh no,” you faintly muttered underneath your breath but not faintly enough that Vil couldn’t hear you.

He scoffed and went back to look at the stupid picture, texting his manager as mad as he was.

“Oh, you saw it too,” you commented, sitting down and looking at your own phone.

Vil didn’t answer. He really didn’t care about your opinion on this; his credibility was on the line. He was supposed to hate you, and that’s how things should go.

“Well, at least they got a good angle of my face, not to mention I’m actually smiling for once.”

“Actually, smil- what are you talking about potato? All you do is smile in all of your pictures. That’s why you have to hide your wrinkles with make-up,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Well, as presumptuous as that was, proud little peacock, I actually never smile genuinely for the cameras. My genuine smile is reserved for good moments. I guess not anymore.”

At that, Vil felt like the two of you clicked. He knew the feeling, the invasive nature of fame, and the lack of privacy was very real in the industry. It’s the first thing you have to get through. But listening to you say made him realize you’re just like him.

“Well, if you behave during the shoot, I might feel inclined to reward you for good behavior” he grinned at you.

“Mmm, you make it sound as if you don’t like the way I make you crumble in front of everyone. It’s like you’re denying yourself the pleasure, and here I thought you liked the masochism.”

“Hahahaha, I’ll step on you once we’re done here. Maybe that and a little bit of discipline will put you in your place. However, your lack of manners and running mouth might be a problem; perhaps all you need is a nice pacifier. I can help with that.”

You both were so close to each other muttering salacious threats that you didn’t realize how flustered everyone else was in the room.

It was going to be another one of those shoots.

[aot-brainrot]

Dudeeee if you would write me something abt me and hotch and me being a brat like in front of the team and he gets angry or like I flirt with Spencer to piss him off... and then he fucks me really hard like overstimulation and squirting and cream pie. And can he call me babygirl, kitten, bunny and I call him daddy. Okay I think that’s it lol

NSFW Drabble below!

Pairing: Jealous!Daddy!Hotch x brat!sub!reader

Warnings: Cursing. Dom/sub relationship, brat taming, restraints (handcuffs), degradation, name calling, choking, overstimulation, squirting, creampie, impregnation/breeding kink.

Word count: 2034

You hadn’t planned ahead for any of this, but you weren’t exactly surprised either when it happened. You woke up to find that Hotch was still asleep, his pajama pants already tight from whatever dream it was that he was having. He would’ve been embarrassed if he knew that you caught him having a wet dream. You smirked to yourself, though, a plan forming in your mind, and so you slid out of bed and raced to get dressed for the day. Hotch was awake when you walked out of the closet. He turned to say good morning to you, his morning wood already suspiciously gone, but he stopped suddenly when he saw what you were wearing.  You had put on a low v-neck shirt with a pair of pants that were tight around your ass and thighs but flared out at the bottom. Every bit that Hotch loved about you was on display for everyone to see yet he never said anything, even when the two of you were in the car or walking into the office.

It wasn’t until you leaned down to pick up a piece of paper after you dropped in front of him and Reid that you finally felt his glare. He was watching you closely. You tried to shake it off, pretending like you didn’t notice, and you walked a few steps towards Spencer to hand him the paper. You bit your lip when you looked up at him.

“Spence, did you get a haircut or something? You look cute.”

He cleared his throat as he blushed. “I, uh... Yeah, I did...” He tucked one of his curls behind his ear.

“I like it.” You put a hand on his bicep.

“Thanks.”

Hotch had impressive self-restraint, however, and it was plain to you as you went through the rest of the day, continuing with your plan of making Hotch incredibly jealous by flirting with Spencer, and he never once said or did anything. All you got was that glare.

When you got home, that was an entirely different story. The second the door was closed behind you, Hotch pinned you against the wall with a hand on your neck, and you gasped, clawing at his wrist to make him let go, but he refused. His grip tightened.

“You thought it was funny, brat; didn’t you?” he said into your ear.

You played dumb. “I don’t know what you mean, Daddy—”

“Don’t lie. Try again.”

You were still trying to get out of it by wiggling and insisting that you had no idea what he was talking about, but Hotch growled angrily and used his grip on your neck to start pulling you upstairs to the bedroom. You yelped as he tossed you onto the bed and he didn’t hesitate to restrain your hands behind your back using his handcuffs. He flipped you back over to look up at the ceiling when he was sure that you were at his mercy.

“First, the clothes…” He tore your pants off and scrunched your shirt up around your collarbone so that he could see your bra. He let out a shaky breath. “And then bending down for that paper…” He tore your panties off. “Lastly, you purposefully flirted with Spencer for the entire day whenever I was looking over in order to make me jealous.” His fingers found your clit without warning. Something in his eyes told you that he didn’t want to waste time with teasing and edging you when he could torture you in other ways that satisfied his urge to tell you: “You’re mine. Only mine. Never fucking forget it.” That look in his eyes somewhat scared you, but the thought disappeared when he dipped his fingers into you and started fingering you as fast as possible. “At first, I thought to myself that we were going to get home and I wasn’t going to touch you— or at least not let you cum; but then I realized that the brat in you would’ve said some stupid shit about Spencer—” You cut him off with a desperate moan when he hit your g-spot. “So, I realized that I had to do something to remind you that I’m the only one who can make you feel this good.”

“Daddy, I’m close.”

“Already?” he teased with a proud smirk.

“Yes. Daddy, please.”

“Cum, bunny. Cum for me.”

You bucked around as his fingers continued to help you through your orgasm, stretching you when your walls tightened around him with every wave and golt that passed. “Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.” You panted as you slumped against the bed, but Hotch didn’t stop. You shifted uncomfortably. “Daddy—”

“I’m the only one who can make you cum, baby girl… So, I’m going to make you cum.”

“But- But I… Fuck…” When his thumb started rolling circles over your clit, you tensed up at the feiling, your stomach and muscles still too tight from your orgasm. “I already did, Daddy.”

“And you’ll do it again.”

You tugged at the handcuffs under your back in an attempt to free yourself and pull his touch away from your sensitive pussy, but to no avail. “Daddy, I can’t.”

“You can, baby. I know you can. I can feel it. You’re so wet for me, so tight so that my fingers and cock can stretch you the way we both love.” He parted his index and middle fingers, doing exactly what he was talking about: stretching you. “Just like that…” He snickered. “And if I do this...” He curled his fingers and used his wrist to rotate around and bob as he fucked you with the pure intention of making you cum as fast as possible. “Feel that?”

You nodded and screwed your eyes shut. “Daddy, I’m gonna cum again.”

“So fast… Just like a good whore should.”

You moaned and tried to turn onto your side as another attempt to escape, but Hotch pressed his free hand on your hip, holding you steady as he somehow managed to fuck you harder through your second orgasm. You were squirming, begging for him to stop, but he was just chuckling at how pathetic you look. And then your back arched as you cum again by some miracle— a third orgasm before the second one could even finish— but it was more than that. You felt an extra release, something you were unfamiliar with.

When you calmed down, your back falling against the mattress again, you lifted your head up, and you saw the mess on the sheets, Hotch’s hand, and on his knees that were between your legs. You realized what you did. Hotch was entirely starstruck, staring at you with a wolf-like hunger. He looked so proud of you, too.

When you blushed and tried to hide yourself by sinking into the bed, he smirked and pulled his fingers from you, wiping them up and down your slit to collect everything, and he teased, “Aw, bunny, you made a mess.” And then he started playing with you again. “Let’s see if I can force another out of you.”

You shook my head. “Please, no, Daddy. I can’t.”

“Would you try again for Spencer?” he scolded, his smile fading, his usual frown returning as he used his free hand to choke you again. “You would; wouldn’t you?”

You shook your head. “No, Daddy, promise. I’ll do it for you. Whatever you want, Daddy.”

He kissed you roughly. “That’s my good girl.” Hotch removed his touch from you entirely so that he could sit back on his knees and start fiddling with his pants. When he was bare, there was no hesitancy between lining himself up with your entrance and thrusting all the way into you in a way that made you scream and he snickered. “Is it too much?”

You nodded. Between cumming three times, as well as squirting, and now having to take every inch of him, your whole body was screaming for mercy, but it was also begging for more. You were so conflicted between needing a break and needing him to fuck you harder. Hotch didn’t give you an option. He steadied himself on his knees between your thighs, held onto your hip with one hand, and while he drove into you over and over again without mercy, his other hand was using his delicate, talented fingers to play with your overstimulated clit. You screamed again. He loved hearing your screams. He loved how pathetic and needy you sounded for him— only him. No one else could make you cum that many times, squirt even once, or fuck you the way that Hotch could. The two of you always understood that, which was why you had been a brat in the first place, but now Hotch had every reason to prove it to you.

“My fucking whore,” he grunted into your ear. “A brat all day, but nothing but pathetic moans in bed. Why is that? Hmm?”

“You- You… Shit…” You struggled against the cuffs. “You, Daddy. Because of you.” He was close enough to you that you were able to breathe into his neck now to try and hide your helpless pants. “You’re so good to me, Daddy.”

He growled happily. “Fuck, kitten.” You melted at his words. “Cum when you want. Cum as many times as you can.”

“Daddy, I need you.” You already had him, but that wasn’t what you meant. You knew that the only way he was going to relent was after he had cum, and if he were going to do that, you at least wanted to make it count. “Cum in me, Daddy, please.”

Hotch moaned, so taken aback by your words. “Fuck. You wanna be my cum bunny? Walking around with me leaking down your legs? Wondering if anything will stick?”

You moaned, too. “Yes, Daddy. Please, please, please, please—” You were boiled down to nothing but those repeated pleas as your aching clit couldn’t take it anymore, so that knot that had been building in your stomach finally broke, making another orgasm wash through you. You twitched around on the bed somewhat. Hotch continued to fuck you and play with your clit. “Daddy, stop, please!” You squirmed involuntarily. “I can’t!”

“I want you to make another mess for me, bunny, and then I’ll consider stopping.”

“I can’t,” you whined, on the verge of tears.

“Yes, you can.”

Your legs kicked around on the bed as another orgasm crashed through you in the most painful of ways, making you dribble with squirt this time opposed to the force it had before. You cried at the humiliation. “Daddy… Please…” You were so tired and used now, and your worn out cries were a signal to that.

Hotch finally took mercy on you, pulling his fingers away from his clit, but that wasn’t an excuse to stop fucking you. As his wet fingers worked their way into your mouth, Hotch let out a string of curses that ended with him driving into you one last time before burying to the hilt as he came inside of you, giving you every drop. He groaned as he gave another short thrust to make sure everything came out. When you stopped sucking on his fingers, he slowly pulled out of you and ducked down, watching as his cum started to leak out of you already. He didn’t like that. He wanted you to be full, to be reminded that it was him you were carrying around— Him, not Dr. Spencer Reid. If you were going to remember who you belonged to, then you needed to hold onto every drop. So, Hotch made sure it stayed there. He collected what was dripping down to your ass and started gently fucking it back into you. You whimpered again at the feeling, but at least it wasn’t enough this time to make you cum. You could live with that.

“My baby girl’s going to carry my seed around,” he hummed happily. He looked up at you through his lashes. “Isn’t that right, princess?”

You nodded. “Yes, Daddy.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I belong to you.”

“Yes, you do.” He smirked and kissed you again.

[bluebuckstallion]

the sun will rise again - mlp fic p2

part one contents: aj and big mac are like. 13 and 15. big mac realizes she is a trans woman, and is guided by applejack, but there is much more to it than just that lol. its also a little hard for her. sappy, feel-good, tough internal conflict but overall happy fic. paragraph one is previewed here, the rest is below the cut! disclaimer: there is no transphobia in this fic lmao im not gonna write abt horse transphobia. this is a feel good. but cw for fear of outing (note: i am aware my blog makes posts a little hard to read bc of a glitch, i am trying to fix it at the moment, i apologize D: i rec reading it on tumblr mobile or highlighting the words as you read, im sorry!) paragraph one: The wind whispered lovingly, cooling little Big Mac and Applejack's drowsy heads. A time like this in a young pony's life can be very confusing, something the two of them had grown to be very familiar with. Applejack rested his backside against the trunk of one of his family's old apple trees, if they had no where else to take solace, at least they had the orchard and each other's company, he thought. It felt nice, having this little secret kept safe by somepony you knew would protect it, and who still cared about you just the same. "If nopony accepts us, at least we have each other. I don't care if it's just you and me, Big Mac, we'll be jus' fine." Applejack stated in a soft voice, breaking the silence. He was accepting of his circumstances, no matter how they turned out. As long as him and his sister ended up okay. And again, he was sure they would. Big Mac smiled and folded her hooves neatly, "Eeyup."

-

Applejack worked his fluffy hooves through Big Mac's mane, doing his absolute best to make the fine ginger hair into a braid. He wanted to do something nice for his sister, something to celebrate her bravery and courage in realizing - and telling - Applejack, and he wanted her to feel nice in her own body, even if she couldn't change much right now, or for a while. No matter how small the act, Big Mac was especially grateful. Nobody had ever treated her like this, on purpose at least, like she was a mare. And every chance Applejack could sieze he would do just that, remind her that was what, *who* she was. "So, Big Mac, what do you reckon I call you now?" With that her eyes widened, and her brows furrowed, it caught her off guard. "Like...my name? I didn't know I could change my name..." she let out, slightly confused, a tender hoof raising to her chin as she thought hard. "Yeah!" AJ beamed, not straying from his tedious work. Big Mac, still lying down, started shuffling her hooves again. "Well... I always thought if I were a girl my name would be something pretty, which I mean, I am a girl and all, but I don't feel very pretty ever," she admitted disheartened. "You're plenty pretty! You're an Apple! You wouldn't say Ma or Granny wasn't pretty, would you?" Applejack pointed out, gesturing absentmindedly in the air with his hooves, then promptly returning back to his work, being sure to keep a steady hoof. "Well... Nope." Big Mac blurted awkwardly, pursing her lips. "But-" she began. "No 'but's'!" Applejack interjected, "You're an Apple, and a dang pretty one!" Applejack closed his eyes and lifted his head proudly, putting his non-dominant hoof against his puffed chest, "Look at me, I'm an Apple and I'd say I'm awful handsome, just like Pa!" he said with an endearing foal-like passion and certainty. He chuckled, his cheeks growing slightly cherry as he let out a tiny chuckle, and got back to his work, about a quarter way down the locks. Big Mac grinned slightly, "I suppose," and tapped her hooves together shyly, playing with the grass falling between them. "You know, I always did think my mane was a little long for a stallion," she laughed playfully, diverting from the subject and trying to reassure herself. She went to touch her mane, and was swiftly batted away by Applejack's quick hoof, "Nuh-uh Big Mac, I'm workin' here. Don't go touchin' it now," he said sternly but still non-maliciously. He just wanted it to look perfect for his big sister, he wanted her to be proud, and feel as pretty as she could. Applejack wanted to know how it felt to look pretty, too, but in the way he'd always dreamed of. He wondered often if he'd ever get the blessing of such a wonderful feeling. "Applejack, do you ever wish you were born a colt?" Big mac asked genuinely, still a little unsure of what Applejack was feeling, but knowing there was solidarity in it somewhere, she just had to understand it a little more. "Well - not really," Applejack spat out, his eyes looking away from his busy hooves, and quickly darting back to them before he drifted off in fantasy. He thought about it for a second, and still felt strange. "I wasn't really born a filly or a colt... or anything, I think, I was just born me. And I wouldn't really have it any other way. Sure, I mean, maybe I'd like shorter hair or somethin', or a uh," he struggled to find the words in his young foal vocabulary, "maybe if my nose was a little more colt-ish I'd be happy. But I think I'm pretty happy with me now. I do hope when I'm older my voice is a little better, though. I can't really do much though," he sighed dismissively. He continued, "I don't ever really feel too bad about who I am... I think I just feel happy about who I am. When I see myself as not a colt and not a filly, just a foal, a pony, it makes me real happy-like. But, I don't get too sad unless people are real serious about calling me a filly. I do get sad sometimes though, when I look too much like a filly to other people..." As Applejack placed an orchard blossom in Big Mac's hair, tucked snug and safe behind her ear, a thought went through Big Mac's head. "Applejack!" she jumped up, the rush of movement startling him, who was so concentrated seconds prior. "Let's give you a haircut! It'll be like how you braided my hair for me, we can cut yours!" Applejack nervously rubbed his elbow, then raising his hoof lightly beneath his muzzle, and he began to sweat. "Well, I, what if Ma and Pa don't like it?" Big Mac thought hard as Applejack grimaced, "Well, we can hide it with one of Pa's hats, an' I'm sure they won't mind," she suggested happily. Applejack considered briefly, just for a moment, the downsides of it all. He then immediately turned them all away and smiled so hard his eyes shut, stomping his front hooves against the ground up and down, "Okay, let's do it Big Mac!" As they galloped back to the barn, Applejack had suddenly realized he was so surprised with how much Big Mac had been talking, she never seemed so excited to talk about anything, and he realized how much this all meant to her. It meant a lot to him, too. Especially that his sister was so supportive while still knowing so little, but in her defense, he didn't know much either. It was a very special feeling, he thought to himself, very pleased. They skidded to a halt clumsily as they reached the doors to the barn. Foal-ishly peeking through the front windows, they realized it was only Granny and baby Bloom home, their parents must be out. They looked at each other, grinning, and cantered to the back, sneaking inside through the back door. When they made it to the bathroom, Applejack noted Big Mac looked a little worn out, wearing a tired look on her face. She figured all this chattiness probably made her sister a little exhausted. He shot a reassuring patended Sibling glance at her telling her all she needed to know, not needing words. Big Mac let out a gentle smile. She helped her little brother reach the cabinet above the sink, reaching the scissors that were so high up it took them both working together to reach. Applejack had a slight doubt in his mind, his parents probably didn't want him touching the scissors by himself, did they? But he had his big sister with him, and it had to be done! Nopony else would, and only they understood. Applejack balanced shakily with two hooves on Big Mac's back, warily reaching one back hoof up onto the sink, as he balanced with his two front hooves against the edge of the cabinet. He grasped the scissors between his teeth, and brashly jumped down, just barely missing a potential accident, even though they both knew better than to jump around with scissors, they threw caution to the wind regardless. Applejack happily put his front hooves on the rim of the sink, tapping them and bopping his little head, he looked at his big sister, who began working at his hair. Big Mac chopped with a great lack of care, playfully snipping one strand then the next. Applejack beamed the whole time, simply happy to have it happen, plan or not. Big Mac frequently spun around him, balancing on three hooves and sometimes getting in so close that she held his face with one hoof, his hair with another, and cut with the scissors firm in her mouth. Applejack's body relaxed completely and was kicking and rearing with every cut, wiggling and happily holding his front hooves together and constantly swishing his head from side to side to check how it looked, one side fell to his muzzle, and the other to his chin. He smiled bigger than ever before. With the final snip, Big Mac dropped the scissors carelessly to the tile below. She gently grasped Applejack's chin and turned her sibling's head forward to face the mirror, and his mouth immediately fell agape, his jaw slack, and his eyes slowly widening with the purest joy there ever was. He cupped his hooves to his mouth, removing them, turning his head to the side, and then fixing himself and putting his hooves to his open mouth once again. He felt a soft tug in his throat and his chest, and he couldn't control the watering in his eyes, "Big Mac!!" his voice cracked. "Yes Applejack?" the filly said apprehensively, fearing that she had done something wrong. "Oh Big Mac, oh my gosh I love it so so much!!" He bucked and whinnied, spinning in circles, his once-flowing tail too short to trip over now, and the euphoria of it all was the most overwhelming emotion little Applejack had ever felt. The tugging became so immense he couldn't ignore it, and he acknowledged it by leaping onto Big Mac with a hearty hug, squeezing her tight as his little arms could, and he rubbed his muzzle into her neck. Big Mac politely pushed her hoof between her neck and AJ's hoof, making sure he didn't squeeze too tight, struggling slightly to breathe. This foal was definitely a strong one. "Thank you so much big sis!!! I feel so great!!" he neighed, stepping back, one hoof raised wiping his immense wave of tears. The feeling of euphoria shot through his body in a rush, showing itself in the form of a tiny but powerful hop, as he lifted his legs into the air and threw them around. Applejack rushed back to the mirror, urging Big Mac to come look as well, as she didn't quite see herself yet with her hair "done all proper-like." Big Mac's face became pale, as she felt the rush of a thousand different emotions. The paranoia became astounding again, what if she didn't like how she looked as a filly? What if she still didn't feel right? What if it wasn't - Her thoughts were abruptly cut short by Applejack tugging her over, knowing her sister just sometimes needed a push in the right direction. "Lookie Big Mac!!" he placed his arm cheerfully around her, wrapping it over her back. Big Mac's eyes were glued shut, and she only bashfully peeked one eye open because curiosity would've ate her alive otherwise, and deep down she knew she had to see herself eventually. She uncovered her hoof from her eye, and opened both of them slowly. Her mouth opened ever so slightly, and she wasn't even aware she had stopped breathing, her eyes fluttered up and down the braided locks, along with her heart, and her eyes landed on the blossom in her ear. She couldn't speak, her throat clogged up from such elation. She felt the choking once again, but it wasn't like before, this feeling was quite welcoming actually. It rushed from her throat up to her head, and took her breath away. The sobbing ebbed at her cheeks right away, and she turned to look at her brother. As they spoke with lack of words, they stared with inordinate graditude. As Big Mac smoothly turned back to the mirror, Applejack stomped all his hooves again, one after the other with no apparent order or care, shaking his head in a frenzy as his ears twitched and he smiled a mile wide. He finally felt *pretty.* Big Mac watched herself adoringly, for the first time ever, and felt this acceptance and understanding of herself coursing through her veins with a confidence she'd never had. She blushed, and her ears fell downward, a small smile creeping onto her face. "Applejack," she whispered softly, as if she were too worried the world would hear her secrets. Applejack peered closer with wide, curious eyes, "Yeah Big Mac?" he whispered back. "My name.." she mumbled. Applejack raised his eyebrows, captivated, as Big Mac slowly lifted her hoof to the blossom behind her ear. "Blossom?" Applejack stated inquisitively, before Big Mac could shake her head AJ corrected himself, "Orchard Blossom!" he exlaimed, leaning back and jumping in the air, "Oh big sis, that's so pretty!! I love it so much!!" Orchard Blossom nervously gestured for him to keep it down, as he was prone to being unaware of his volume control. Applejack embarassedly covered his mouth with a shy smile, "Oops, sorry big sis." he cleared his throat, "Orchard Blossom!!" he yell-whispered, the excitement shining through him, he stamped his tiny hooves and clapped them together in celebration. "That's so pretty, Orchard Blossom!" Applejack told her earnestly, loving the new name. "I don't think I want a new name, but I'm really happy ya found one you like!" "Orchard Blossom, Orchard Blossom, Orchard Blossom!" Applejack repeated, playfully prancing in circles, excited by the sight of his short tail, he spun even faster. "What's all that commotion in there? Applejack? Big Mac? Are ya in there?" they heard through the shut door, hoofsteps gradually approaching, painstakingly slow but steady. Both of them felt their hearts drop from their chest as they froze, unable to even fathom moving. How would they explain any of this? Applejack hurried to clean up desperately, brushing the hair together with his hooves, coldly sweating from his brow as he frantically hurried to remove any evidence. He stopped mid-sweep to quickly shove his father's hat on his head, which slumped immediately and blocked his vision. "Oh dangit Blossom, Pa's hat's too big! I can't see!!" Orchard Blossom was still unmoving, sheer panic stopping her very breaths. Applejack felt the tugging in his throat rise up again as he began whimpering.

[yrbutchgf]

speaking of haircuts: i don't know if i'd label myself as butch, but i am more androgynous/masc-leaning. so, of course, i got a short haircut as well a few years ago. and while i loved the feeling of short hair... i suddenly looked 10 years younger (at least, that's what it felt like)! which would have been okay if i were a bit older, but i'm in my early twenties with a heavy case of baby face. maybe it's all in my head, but i'm constantly going back and forth between wanting to go short again and wanting to look like an actual adult, especially now that i'm nearing a period in my life where i have to look for internships and jobs. so for now, i'm rocking an undercut while fretting about coming across as too feminine lol. i'm not really sure if i'm looking for advice or anything, but i'm interested in hearing your thoughts! maybe you or someone you know experienced the same thing? much love (:

oh in terms of looking younger than i am, i've absolutely experienced that. i wouldn't say i have a baby face per se, but with a masc haircut and my face a lot of strangers think i'm a teenage boy at first instead of an adult woman. i personally find those interactions pretty fun, but also i think this speaks volumes about how long into my life i'm going to be carded at various establishments LMAO. it doesn't super bother me considering i confuse strangers in a lot of ways already, so this is just another one to add to the list, but it is kind of a funny phenomenon. i will say i feel like the longer i've had short hair, the more i've sort of come into it and filled it out. i feel like i look a lot more my age with this haircut than i did two years ago. idk if that's a common experience or not but it's certainly something i've felt

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 6x14 Page 23

Okay what episode do we have today?

Ah okay, a Regina centric. That’s cool.

Is that the same guard Snow stripped naked in 1x16? Whaaaat?! Just looked it up and it totally is! Awesome call back! I’m going to name him Jim.

Oh my God, she killed Jim!!

Wait, so this has to be after Heart of Darkness.

The terrified look on that woman’s face when Regina strokes her chin, looks at her longingly and tells her she loves her. Omg Regina was in love with this woman all along! It was never about Daniel. It was about Christina! I’m naming her Christina. 

They are my otp now.

How did Tinker Bell get out of neverland? Pan decides when people leave, and I doubt he’d let her leave just to pay a visit with the Evil Queen. But then and again maybe it was all part of his big plan.

Oh. Pixie dust doesn’t dictate who your true love is. It just shows you possibilities. That’s not what you said before, Tinker Bell!

Regina, we all know you spared her because she’s your ex-girlfriend.

Actually, this visit from Tinker Bell is odd because she doesn’t seem angry at all like when she, like, wanted to kill Regina in 3x03. How did she go from, “okay. I lost my wings because of you but it’s all cool. I just want my otp together.” to “I’m gonna f***ing drug you with pixie dust and rip your heart out!”?

Also, this is the Evil Queen I like to see. So cold, terrifying and breaking on the inside. I’m not a fan of the humorous one in 6x02. I wish Split Queen was more like this as well. Ah different writers and director. Interesting.

Split Queen: “…not some burlap-loving peasant who sleeps on dirt.” Wish Robin: “Excuse me, I sleep on hay.” Important distinction!

Snow’s so excited about the wedding, bless her.

Lol Zelena just drags Emma’s hand to look at her ring. My girl loves shiny things! And how could I forget, her otp is getting married! She is in heaven right now!

I love Emma just casually talking to Zelena like they’re gal pals at a sleepover. More of this please! 

I can see what sqers say about this scene. Regina really does look hurt by the notion of Emma getting married. There is no heterosexual reason for her to react like this unless she’s in love with Hook. I think this is the only time they hug. Man, I feel so bad for sqers because upon this rewatch I can really see where they are coming from with that interpretation. It’s definitely there. And then they hug because Emma’s getting married to someone else. I would be so upset if that was my otp. What am I talking about, I watched 10 seasons of Smallville as a hardcore Chloe x Clark shipper. I think this exact scenario played out and it freaking hurts! 

In other news, I am so in love with Snow. Have I mentioned that? I feel like I haven’t mentioned it in a while and it needs to be said. 

I’m also in love with David, in case you forgot. I want to join their marriage. Can I join their marriage? I’m joining their marriage. Emma, I’m your mummy now. Don’t think about the age difference too much. 

I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate already today. Can you tell? I feel so alive! I want to share my social security number and be freeee!! I am trying to block out my anxiety about having to move house again next friday. Yep, that’s right, 4th place in two years. I think I will write all of these high on chocolate.

What would happen if you cut your hair with those sheers? Or your garden bush? No, that is not a euphemism, you dirty bastards (affectionate). 

I haven’t had a haircut in 10 years. Holy cow! That’s why my afro is so big, it’s full of secrets. 

Nemo is your dad now, Hook. Even though I’m pretty sure he’s a lot younger than you. 

He called him “My boy.” hehe.

I remember when I thought Hook and Rumple had the same mother. That would have been quite the twist.

I thought that vase of flowers was a giant cauliflower. Did you know broccoli, cauliflower, cabbages, brussels sprouts and turnips are all related? I wonder what thanksgivings are like when they all get together. Probably not fun for them. 

See what I did there xD? 

Emma: “This is my fault. I’m the one who convinced you to bring him here. It’s on me.” Regina: “Emma, you don’t have anything to make up for. You were just trying to help.” Omg, this compared to when she told Emma she’d ruined her life because Emma saved Marian. The development. I really appreciate this change because I nearly lost it with Regina when that was her attitude. 

Screw it, I’m making bean enchiladas. Brb. I’ll save you some!

I’m back! They’re in the oven. Anyone wants the recipe hmu! They’re veggie! 

You just know Split Queen and Wish Robin have a sexy dungeon in their castle. They just do.

Enchanted ropes would have been useful in so many situations.

The enchiladas are ready! Repeat after me, Becky: “I will remember oven gloves this time, I will remember oven gloves this time.”

Robin is so into Split Queen. He wants her to live with him and everything, even though they just met. 

I don’t think that arrow would have taken her to Robin since it takes her to the thing she loves most. She can’t love someone she’s never met. We all know it would shoot Christina right in the ass. That’s true love biatches! Evil Peasant 5ever!

Oh snap! Emma found Hook looking at himself killing her grandfather??! I completely forgot about this!

Why does she say, “That’s David’s father”? Why doesn’t she say, “That’s my grandfather,” or “That’s my dad’s dad”? She hasn’t called her dad ‘David’ in years. It’s like she’s trying to separate herself from the victim as much as possible.

She’s not even a little bit upset he killed her dad’s dad? That that event caused her father so much pain? She’s just infuriated that he tried to burn his memory. I mean, yes, she should be angry about that but where’s the empathy for her dad at least? I didn’t know any of my grandfathers well but if I found out I was engaged to someone who did that I would be angry for my grandparent, angry for my parent and angry for myself. I’m just speechless that that’s all she cares about. It seems so out of character. But then and again Regina had her other grandad killed. 

And now he’s gonna leave because he rightfully got told off. Can’t say I’d offer the same thing but she said, “until you’re ready” not “you’ll never be ready”, dude. 

I think he’s just scared David will punch him in the face at this point. It’s the only explanation for doing the exact opposite thing Emma asked of him.

“Captain Hook is always welcome on the Nautilus.” More like welcome on the naughty list after that stunt.

She doesn’t want a man, Henry Sr. She just confessed her deep, passionate, sexual love for Christina like 20 minutes ago, remember? Sometimes I wonder why I bother. It’s not even subtext, dude. Get it together, man.

Why don’t they fight themselves with magic?

Her dad is so heartbroken the person Regina hates most is herself. 

That is really sad that the person she hates most his herself. I can relate.

Yes! Launch those apples at yourself! 

My conversations with myself be like-

Oh boy. This is too reminiscent of conversations with myself. Yes, I sword fight myself wearing a fancy black, cleavage-revealing dress in my head all the time. Only joking, I wear trilby hats. 

Oh okay. Now they’re tying each other up. I see what this is really about. I still haven’t bleached the “we do like it rough, don’t we Regina?” line from my mind. 

I suppose she did take back some of her own darkness. But I was hoping she would just merge herself back together. That would have been a really predictable outcome, but I just would have preferred it. 

This scene is so weird lol, but it helped me tremendously. I used to hate myself so, so much. You don’t even understand. It was like a violent hatred for myself for not fitting in and for every single little mistake I’d ever made. Then with a lot of self- healing and the help of this episode I began my journey into loving myself. I wrote on a sticky note “Love yourself. If the Evil Queen can do it, so can you.” and stuck it to my wall. Nothing I’ve done is comparable to what the Evil Queen has done and if she can learn to love herself, why can’t everyone else. Anyone who’s struggling with self-hatred, please take this episode to heart. You are worthy of love, most importantly from yourself. Any time you find yourself hating yourself just try to remember this scene and that the flipping Evil Queen of all people recognised the importance of self-love and didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought. She damn well gave herself a chance. I’ve heard a good technique is looking in the mirror and telling yourself what you love about you. Even if you’re not feeling it at first, you could get into the habit of it and your brain will start to accept those words as true. Because they are true.

Aww she sees the Charmings as her family. 

Regina: “it did give me hope when I needed it most, and that is just as important.” Oh my God, preach the word Regina! Regina is preaching with fire today! 

It’s like she’s having a therapy session with herself. I need to do that. I really do. Then I need to get actual therapy lol xD. But baby steps! 

Okay. A loophole as to how he can change Split Queen’s story. You know what, at this point I’ve learnt just to go with it.

Can Snow and Zelena be best friends? Please. It’s literally all I want in life. And to join Snowing’s marriage. I’m not asking for much. I’ll talk about it in self-therapy.

Henry’s got Gideon’s haircut now. He wants to be cool like his uncle.

I want to look at myself with the love and adoration Regina looks at herself with. We should all get to that point where we look like we’re about to intensely make out with ourselves when we look in the mirror. 

I know what they were doing with page 23. I just wish Split Queen had changed her outfit so it could have been exactly like the page illustration. But I don’t think it was meant to predict the future. It was just one of Isaac’s fanfictions, wasn’t it? Hmm. I think it was a mystery to him as well if I can remember correctly.

It’s nice that oq shippers got their ship in the end in one form.

Snow is just constantly high up to her eyeballs on hope, bless her. 

Emma needs a dog. She seems like such a dog person.

Also, that enchilada was yumilicious, if I do say so myself.

[high-functioning-lokipath]

SH - Sherlock & Greg Friendship - Prompt: How Greg and Sherlock First Met - Words: 1,637

A/N: Alrighty! So this written from Greg's POV. It's my personal headcannon of what Sherlock and Greg's first meeting might have been like. Please don't hate me if I got something wrong or if it's different than your ideas. Just my little thought. At the end of the story there is a little explanation of some of the references I made. See if you catch them 😜

I WILL ADD THIS: THERE IS DISCUSSION OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND INTENT. HOWEVER, NO HARM COMES UPON ANYONE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL YOU WILL BE TRIGGERED.

"Goodnight, Inspector," Donavon said, as we walked out to our respective cars.

"Good night, Sally," I replied. "Have any plans tonight?"

"Oh, nothing much," She replied with a smile. Anderson walked out and headed to his car too though I noticed he winked and waved at Sally as he passed by. "See you tomorrow," She told me. I nodded and got in my car. As I started my engine I saw Philip run back to her and hand her what seemed to be a key. I shook my head and pulled away. I didn't want to pry into the personal lives of anyone on my team but I made a mental note to keep an eye on those two.

"Oh, I'm exhausted," I groaned to myself as I drove home. I'd just received my promotion to Detective Inspector and the first case we'd gotten has proven to be more difficult than we expected. Deciding that my already distant wife wouldn't care if I was home another 15 minutes later, I pulled over for a smoke. The Waterloo Bridge was just up ahead so I got out for a little walk. As I walked up into the bridge I took out my cigarette and was just about to light it when someone spoke up.

"Those things will kill you."

"Who said that?" I called out, immediately pocketing my lighter and lowering my cigarette. Instinctively, my hand hovered near my holster.

"Nobody of import to you, Detective Inspector. I was just making an observation." I was speechless for a moment, surprised that whoever was talking knew who I was. Or at least what I was. My blood ran cold, though, when I finally spotted the illusive speaker.

"What are you doing over there?" I asked, attempting to keep my voice steady. I couldn't yet see his features but I could tell he was young, tall, skinny and had a head full of curly hair. The first thing I noticed, though, was that he was standing on the wrong side of the walkway railing.

"My plan was to jump," He stated plainly. I was quiet for a moment, surprised that he'd so easily admit such a thing. "Surprised I said it?" He asked, looking at me finally. I nodded and he smiled sadly. "No reason to lie to you. You're a smart man. You wouldn't have reached DI otherwise."

"How do you know that anyways?" I asked, walking up next to him, however remaining on the correct side of the railing.

"It was quite obvious. Your haircut implies your employment is of the upper blue-collar class which narrows the field considerably. Considering your age you couldn't be higher than Detective Inspector but no lower than Detective Sergeant. If you were still at Constable you would have quit. Also it was obvious from the fact you went for your gun when I spoke up. You're considerably tired, even for this late hour, meaning you probably were one of the last out. Though tired your gait shows a measure of excitement, pride, if you will. It couldn't be caused by anything at home. You stopped for a smoke on your way home and didn't light up in your car meaning your wife dislikes the habit. One of the reasons she's going to be leaving you, by the way. You certainly aren't expecting children any time soon so that would leave your job. You're excited about something that happened recently at your job. You're obviously exhausted from the case you've been trying to crack so that leaves one option. Promotion. I'd say at the beginning of this past week."

"Wow," I gasped. "You're quite good at that!"

"You're not angry?" He asked slowly, staring at me in surprise.

"Not at all."

"I just told you your wife was leaving you."

"I knew that," I chuckled. "She's been hinting at the matter for weeks. I've been trying to fix things but, with my new promotion, she seems more determined than ever."

"I see," He said, looking off down the river again. "Most people get quite upset with me."

"Well, perhaps depending on the situation it might not be welcome but I don't see what's so bad about it. You know," I said with a grin. "With your ability you'd make a fine DI yourself."

"Tried. Couldn't pass the psych eval," He whispered. "What you call an ability, they call a disability." I stayed quiet, waiting to see if he'd go on. "Doctors diagnosed me with Asperger's and ADHD.”

“Well that certainly shouldn't stop you! Have you considered becoming a private investigator?” He wrinkled his nose at the suggestion.

“I’m not a fan of that title.”

“Private detective?” I tried. He shook his head again. “I’ll think of something,” I said determandly.

“Why would you care?”

“You seem like a nice kid, I-”

“I’m not a kid, I'm 25,” He interrupted, causing me to chuckle lightly.

"Alright," I said, holding up my hands. "Young man. You seem like a nice young man. I want to help you out."

"Why?" He asked again, sounding awfully much like a 2 year old. "I grew up in the countryside with my parents and my older brother. I never had any friends in school. I’ve always been like this. It didn’t get any better when I went to uni. Everyone just made fun of me. Once I graduated, I moved in with my brother in the city. I worked with him for a few years but,” He paused. "Let's just say that didn't go well. I tried to live on my own but I couldn't pay rent because I wasn't able to hold down a job. No one could put up with me. My brother would send me money here and there but he stopped after a while when he found out I had gotten involved in other things."

"Drugs?" The young man nodded slowly. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be somewhere else in his mind. "You know I could have you arrested for that," I commented.

"You wouldn't," He replied. He turned his head and looked straight at me, his eyes more intense than anyone else's I'd ever met. "Besides," He continued, looking away again. "I've stopped."

"For now," I said. "You'll stop until you don't have anything to do and then your mind will get too loud, too busy, too noisy and you'll try to quiet it again."

"How-"

"My cousin," I stated simply. "And also myself in a way. These 'help' me with my stress." I held up my package of cigarettes.

"May I see them?" He asked, holding out his hand. I nodded and handed them over. He looked them over carefully and then threw them into the river.

"Oi! Why'd you do that?" With a smirk and quickly hopped back over the railing onto the walkway.

"Try this," He said, rolling up his sleeve and showing me a patch on his arm. "When I have an especially bad day I'll go up to 3 patches. But one would probably be enough for you."

"Alright, I'll give it a try." He smiled abit haughtily. "But," I added, causing his expression to falter. "Only if you promise to give the private, personal, whatever you want to call it, detective work a try."

"After consulting with you, Inspector, I suppose I could attempt to give this idiotic world another try."

"That's it!" I exclaimed. "Consulting Detective! That's what you can call yourself!" He furrowed his brow in thought before smiling slightly.

"I think that just might work. But who would I consult for?"

"Well, you could set up a website so people can send in cases. Perhaps post something about how you do your deductions. It might take awhile for you to get enough customers so perhaps I can arrange for you to take a look at some old cold cases. What do you think of that?"

"I-" He paused, looking away in embarrassment. "Thank you, Inspector."

"You're welcome. And call me Greg, hm? Or Lestrade if Greg is too hard to remember," I joked.

"Alright," He paused. "Graham," He added with a smirk. I laughed loudly and clapped his shoulder.

"Well, I have the feeling this is going to be the start of something very special for you. Who knows where this will take you or who you'll meet!" He nodded, corners of his mouth turning up in a small smile. "Why don't you stop by my office tomorrow afternoon? I can get you some cold cases and who knows, maybe you'll even crack the case I'm working on now!"

"Thank you," He replied, suddenly sounding very nervous.

"Look, I know people are going to judge you for who you are and what you do. I wish I could change that. But keep your chin up. One day you'll look back and be surprised where it got you. Be confident in yourself. That'll help a lot."

"Like this?" He asked, standing straighter and giving off a well practiced authoritative glare.

"Something like that," I replied. "Here. Try this." I reached for his coat collar and turned it up. "Perfect. Now you look like a real professional." He nodded sharply, keeping up his vaguely disinterested air.

"I've done this before," He admitted. I smiled and nodded.

"Me too. I think you'll be just fine." I smiled at him, happy I was able to save a life tonight instead of investigate a death. "Do you need a ride home?" I offered.

"That would be helpful," He admitted.

"Alright, then, Mr.," I paused, chuckling lightly. "You know, I never got your name."

"Sherlock Holmes," He replied. I smiled and shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Sherlock." I paused for a moment, thinking. "Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE: A GUIDE

The key - Anderson is giving Sally a key to his apartment since they are having an affair. Not exactly a direct reference. Just a thought lol

Those things will kill you - I thought making that the first thing Sherlock said to Greg would have explained all the more so why Greg was so happy to see him again when he came back.

Sherlock's diagnosis - In one of the episodes (can't remember which, too lazy to look it up lol) John says Sherlock has Asperger's. One of my best friends has Asperger's and I've had other friends with ADHD. As a non-professional, I would say Sherlock definitely acts in harmony with those two disorders.

The patches - Greg was showing Sherlock his own patches in the first episode. Thought that was cute.

Graham - I personally think Sherlock has always known Greg's name and it's just an inside joke lol

So, if you noticed anything else, let me know! Please leave a comment (or two lol) if you liked it!!!!

Sherlock BBC Taglist

@lucywrites02

@delightfulheartdream

@bartv21

@another-crazy-fangirl

@ladylulu143

[billiewena]

Heard we’re talkin’ SPN Pride Lore Stories for @spnprideweek so lemme tell y’all about how Sam Winchester played a fun part in my journey as Coming Out as Bisexual and (more recently) Nonbinary!

(Sidenote: if you haven’t already check out my thesis on “Why Every SPN Fan Should be a LGBT Sam Enthusiast” you should do that)

Anyways, storytime...

My journey with SPN is a weird one. I was what you’d call a “General Audience” viewer for most of the show. I started watching on-and-off around S2-S3 back when I was a preteen who watched anything the CW put in front of me (and I mean anything…Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries, you name it.) But I did start getting more into and invested in SPN over time. I didn’t have internet but if I did I would’ve been a Samgirl for sure. Most of the episodes I do remember watching live were Sam-centric ones, i.e. “After School Special”. Once I got to college, I had internet and nerdy friends. Thanks to Netflix, Tumblr, and a Casgirl best friend who needed the emotional support (this was middle of S9 lol) I finally binged the show properly my freshman year.

I joke about how I’m Samcoded but I honestly always have seen a lot of myself in the character and their journey on the show. Just a couple years after After-School Special aired, I was on my way to college and completely leaving my family behind in the process. I craved independence and flourished with it, but also knew I was losing a lot by doing so. Like Sam, I got a chance to fix those relationships as an adult — but it was a struggle to be taken seriously and treated with respect.

Moving to the Midwest for school was the biggest risk I ever took (it was a part of the country I’d never even been near, a big city, and a completely different climate — at that point I’d only seen snow twice my life). But I’m glad I did it. I had to prove that I could and had to make a life of my own. Supporting myself and being surrounded by a diverse city of all races/sexualities/backgrounds, I was finally able to start educating myself and embrace who I was too.

In 2014 I came out as Pansexual. I was glad at the time to at least have a label even if it’d take a couple years before I got over my fear of the B-Word. But it was still a big step. I also started getting into cosplay and planned a few of them out (i.e. Rose from Doctor Who). In the middle of my first proper Supernatural AND SuperWhoLock phase, I naturally decided to cosplay Sam for the first time. I already had brown hair so I decided I’d just save money on a wig and just cut my hair short for the first time (Sam Season 10 short, for reference). And of course I loved it. It wasn’t a straight-up buzzcut but it was a lot more androgynous than I was before and I could easily make it feminine/masculine. In retrospect, I realized I totally got the Stereotypical Bisexual Bob too.  And I loved the idea of cosplaying a male character and Sam especially: I had the flannel, I had the floppy hair, it was fun!

I kept it short for years and dressed a mix of masculine/feminine/androgynous in college. After college, I had to let it grow it out (more for hair health reasons - I also dyed my hair a lot in college and it was FRIED). In general, I was dressing a lot more feminine - I was working in offices full-time and not in liberal art school anymore and had to dress a bit more proper, and missed dressing how I did in college.

Cut to the pandemic when I have a lot of time to think about what I like, what I want, who I am, etc. I only started coming out to people just the last couple months but getting to this point took some time. I research on trans/nonbinary/GNC identities for a couple years (at first under the guise of “writing research” but at some point it just became for me.) I’ve been been playing a nonbinary Shapeshifter in D&D for a nearly a year now to see how I feel about they/them pronouns (spoiler alert: I love ‘em.) Also during this time In I’m also rewatching/catching up on Supernatural so I can least watch the finale live. Literally the night before the finale my roommates to do some at-home haircuts and I think “why not?” and get the good ol’ Sam Floppy Hair haircut again for nostalgia’s sake (and my first undercut for good measure.)

I didn’t find out about Nonbinary and He/They Sam headcanons until after the finale when I properly rejoined the fandom during its peak chaos (I didn’t even start this sideblog until December.) But once I did, I was OBSESSED with them. An open-minded character who’s always used gender neutral pronouns with their relationships…it totally made sense for them to have that same flexibility with himself too. A lot of Sam’s journey has been about independence, autonomy and becoming their own person...I love the idea of both of us finding that sense of individuality in our gender neutrality, exploration, and presentation.

Happy Pride to all my fellow LGBT Sam fans, nonbinary individuals, and the entire SPN Family! 💛🤍💜🖤