#but as a tme person

[gremlingirlsmell]

"i dislike the terms tme and tma" why do you dislike terms that are useful for transfems discussing their systematic opression? do you dislike the terms cis, hetero, white, too? you need to understand that tme & tma are not created to make "new binaries" or whatever, theyre for discussing our real material opression. realize how close you are to saying that transmisogyny isnt "real" or that it "affects everyone". do you also think reverse racism exists, or that homophobia or misogyny targets cis hetero men instead of benefitting them? or do you believe in intersectionality until it's about trans women and transfems, then the intersection of misogyny and transphobia basically becomes meaningless? you "dislike" when transmisogyny is brought up, just as existing?

[scottish-valkyrie]

I've been told repeatedly to stop over-defending myself, to not litigate everything I do because it makes me look more guilty. And it is mindblowingly frustrating because they have no understanding that for trans women that is the ONLY option. If we leave our actions up to interpretation, it guarantees that it'll be interpreted as malice, as sexual deviance, and with as poor faith as possible. If I and other trans women let you guess to our motivations there's a good chance we end up with a black spot that has us excommunicated from that social group, because TME are more than willing to pass around 'warnings' about the strange and deviant tranny. They do it for their own safety of course, to ensure everyone is on the same page, and suddenly the trans woman who was surrounded by friends is now left feeling cold and alone. And she either realises and leaves, or is made to feel like a leper in the group.

But the thing TMEs don't get is how little justification it takes. For me it was one post with an opinion one friend of a friend didn't agree with. She brought a jury of my friends to a public trial and then after I defended myself, they blamed me for not working to bridge the gap after an ad hominem attack.

Every trans woman I have ever met has had this happen to them, we all have a story of one dumb joke, one awkward interaction. Some miscommunication about the name of a pillow because the other person automatically assumed the worst of them, and they're gone. Iced out and left to die alone. Is it any wonder we hide amongst ourselves

[felassan]

What kind of spirit do you think Felassan waz?

Swag

[bunnyboy-juice]

NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???

[bunnymedley]

yeah its pretty weird when people do that-

oh there it is

[crimsonender]

It's really funny that Lily is circling around topics that I'm covering despite me distancing myself from her. Get mad stay mad. 🖕

[takami-takami]

I have been thinking on that post I made about Imane Khelif and felt as though I should clarify some things:

It is sad that it takes a woman being cis for people to actually start empathizing about misgendering and the harassment that comes with that. If she were actually to be a trans woman, would anyone come to her defense? Would there even be uproar about how she has been treated, or would people put their hand over their eye and look away as she was torn to shreds by the media?

People are seeing a glimpse at the vitriol that trans women face, but the problem is, they were never being abused in silence. They were never being abused in secret. It is this blatant. It just took a woman turning out to not be trans for people to say, wait a minute. Isn't this wrong?

Yes. It is wrong. But the fact that this phenomenon has just entered your sphere of consciousness via the news doesn't mean it never existed, because it did. It happens to trans women constantly.

[crunchbuttsteak]

Guys on this webbed site: “I can’t be a transmisogynist, my trans girlfriend agrees with me!”

The trans girlfriend:

[sagegreenyaps]

Hey, I get that you don't like that person's stance, but they don't deserve to die or to relive their own trauma because of it. Don't dehumanize your enemies.

If you're at the point where the most substantial thing you could say to somebody is a threat, just silently wish the best for them.

Wish that someday they'll stop being an enemy. Wish for character growth.

(Note: This is not asking you to "fix them." That's not your job, and helping people with the mindset of "fixing them" is not actually that helpful. If they ask for civil discussion-- and are genuine-- then it's your choice whether you permit it or not, but don't try to force your point without listening to them. Don't "fix them." It very likely is not going to work, and will very likely instead give them a bad/worse taste in their mouth about you and what you represent. Sometimes it is best to leave people be, in all honesty. You don't have to save the world, doing what you can is perfectly acceptable. Promoting good-will and stability in your own space is just as-- if not more-- important as stepping outside of said space.)

[gremlingirlsmell]

hey another hot protip: if a trans woman makes posts about tme people doing/saying transmisogynistic shit, and you don't do that, that's great!

if you then go around saying how hurt you feel by the evil baeddels for daring to "generalize" tme people, you're exactly the person talked about.

[ghelgheli]

Idk how to tell you this but it’s unreasonable to expect a novel written 3 decades ago to align with today’s understanding of representation and respect.

i think it's sleight of hand to suggest that the complaints many people (not just i!) have with sbb can be reduced to "representation and respect" rather than observations about the politics that informed its writing, but even if we grant this: why would anyone recommend a book that they agree is wildly inadequate by contemporary standards as first-line reading for lesbians? if there is such a failure to "align" with "today's understanding", what on earth makes it the go-to introductory text that it is so often shilled as? better to give it an honest elevator pitch—it is a semi-autobiographical historical document, with some interesting and compelling things to say but also with all the perspectival limitations that that entails, about one kind of lesbian experience in a few parts of the usa in one part of the 20th century.

[dreamyintersexouppy]

idk i do like hearing peoples perspectives and arguments about transfeminism, but i believe what i believe about it because the arguments for it are effective and the evidence we have supports their conclusions. yea they also help me conceptualize events in my life through a transfeminist lens but that is what theoretical frameworks are For, they begin with the evidence and describe the experience.

i think semantic arguments and talk of empty unity and dismissing through sexualization are just as much tactics of argumentation and to me they're are highly ineffective in doing anything but making the people using them look good to an uninformed observer. its the reason we say a lot that some people here have a "vibes based politics" because it's clear from their arguments and rhetoric that they think of these arguments as a way to display an image rather than to actually have a discussion.

thats why im pissy and get upset and block people, they're just wasting peoples time for their own egos rather engaging with any of these concepts or acknowledging that what they know might not be totalizing. the desperation to have a perfect unsullied and intelligent image is why posts like mine pointing out a subtle dogwhistle will get backlash that amounts to telling me i'm making it up. i am communicating to them that there is a piece of knowledge that they might not have considered or even known is offensive to them so they reach for reactionary defenses instead of treating the trans woman in front of them like a person

[abalidoth]

Not making this rebloggable because I don't want to start shit but

this is such an echo-chamber-brained take that I don't even know where to start with it. This is some real "you need to go outside and meet trans people outside of your Trans Discourse Discord server" shit.

[spiderbitesandvampirevenom]

some of y'all really think the way to make new friends online is just to sexually harass them, huh. especially if the "new friend" in question is transfem

[penumbralwoods]

lays down and stares at the ceiling. really wish it was as easy for me to ignore casual exorsexism as it seems to be for so many of you

[rivetgoth]

the amount of tme trans people who are very obviously deeply envious of trans women because they [very regressively] view them as like. "someone whose queerness™ [and specifically queer masculinity, effeminacy, 'faggotry'] is taken seriously ie. as a threat and an inescapable facet of their being" is so prevalent on here. many many tme trans folk on this site functionally pretend to be trans women up to (and sometimes including) just blatantly lying about their cagab, coopting language and aesthetics, identifying as characters that are very obvious transmisogynistic caricatures, etc. like its very obvious that a lot of the deeply transmisogynistic genderfuck dykefags on here with these hard red text on black background MCR horror gore aesthetic blogs truly just envy the fact that trans women face a specific kind of violence that (in the eyes of these people) validates their desire to be seen as Threatening and Tough and Legit and Masculine instead of like. an introverted brunette with short hair whose family misgenders them. they want to be able to wear eyeliner and look like gerard way and be he/him'd so they turn to trans women as this fetishistic "goal" because their perception of trans women is "someone who wears eyeliner but still gets he/him'd." this is of course aligned with the way so many of them make broad sweeping generalizations about how its impossible for GNC trans men to pass (untrue) and of course doubles back around to barefaced transmisogyny 100% of the time because the accepted normalized view of trans women in these spaces becomes "threatening scary failed man whose femininity is undermined by their scary threatening genderfuck masculinity." it is so incredibly prevalent and you will not be able to unsee it once you notice it.