#but anyways I saw the family matters references and couldn't get this out of my head LMAO

[haunted-pool-noodle]

euclydia was destroyed, what, a few trillion years ago? we can joke about it by now, right?

(audio is of course from john mulaney's "The One Thing You Can't Replace")

[Video description:

Bill Cipher is shown, heavily zoomed in so that only the top half of his eye is visible.

The speaker in the audio says, "And I had that thought, that only blackout drunks, and Steve Urkel, can have." The audience laughs.

It zooms out to show that Bill is floating in front of the remains of Euclydia, the rest of his body covered in blood.

"Did-" The speaker is cut off as the audience continues to laugh and clap.

Bill looks at his blood-covered hands, then turns to look behind him. He glances back at himself, and jumps back as he notices the blood all over him.

"Did I do that?"

It zooms in on Bill's haunted expression, sharply contrasted by the humorous tone of the words. End description]

[artbychromo]

so... ace-sabo roleswap AU? (I saw one too many ASL drawings of luffy & sabo laughing tearfully while a transparent ace smiles in ghostly benevolence. now I'm side-eyeing myself like, "...you good?")

au where ace goes missing when asl are kids (after picking a fight he shouldn't have) and is presumed dead... sabo doubles down on watching over luffy and sees him through to the day they both leave

I didn't really firm up anything about the AU, except I think it'd be interesting to see how the brothers' themes would change... like

maybe Sabo's story would explore freedom vs. isolation--all the years that sabo was looking after luffy on Goa and desperately avoiding capture by his parents, he was itching to run away... as much as he loves luffy, sometimes being on the same island as his parents made him feel like he couldn't breathe

his time with the RA gives him a taste of what real freedom is like. a part of him is still trying to reconcile his love for his brothers with how it burdened him at times; after all, threats against them were part of the reason he was captured when he was younger

the climactic moment at marineford;;; would be him finally seeing how it's all connected--how his dream and luffy's and ace's all fed into each other, how the love between them gave him the strength and passion to get up every day. akainu's taunting sabo that weakness and sentiment is all the revolutionaries/pirates know, and compared to the order and stability of the govt, no single one of them will ever stand a chance--"you're like a tiny drop of water against the flames of justice" as he goes after luffy

then sabo can loosely reference one of my favorite cloud atlas lines with "what's an ocean, but a multitude of drops?" as he saves luffy, knowing that this small act of love will billow out a millionfold and he finally feels both free and connected

i guess?????? i don't know

and then

ace's story would still focus on self-worth & love, but give way more emphasis to the idea of unconditional, inherent worth

in the fight that left him separated from L & S, he was trying to sacrifice himself protect them by rushing their attacker and throwing them both over a cliff into a stormy ocean. it knocks him around and nearly drowns him--he clings to a log to float but still winds up passing out from a blow to his head

after drifting ace is found... by the whitebeards? somehow? but when he wakes up, he doesn't remember much about himself. only a feeling like someone out there needs him to protect them, he just doesn't know who

the only thing he can really do about it is beg the WBs to help him get stronger... whitebeard's heart goes out to this kid, who apparently made his entire identity about his family

he tries to subtly teach ace the idea that he doesn't have to be needed by someone to deserve to live/be a part of their family, but it never quite gets through to ace, who's got some sort of allergy to acknowledging his own self-worth (it's really bc he has nightmares about all the terrible things he heard as roger's son)

and then... 8 years have gone by, and ace is looking at a familiar face in a newspaper. he's devastated as he remembers--he knows who needed him now, his family, and he's already failed them

he still feels the need to go find luffy, though, and with WB's blessing he tracks down the strawhats... sick to his stomach the whole time, wondering how luffy will react to such a worthless older brother

[insert the art at the top of the post :) ]

luffy's immediate, unwavering joy at seeing him and learning he's safe makes it all finally click for ace--that he's loved no matter what. or, to quote another fav story, "I'm loved now, but when I wasn't, it didn't mean I wasn't worthy of it."

UH anyway this is sappy and longer than planned. sending this out into the world acting like i don't care about it when in fact, now that i spent this much time on it, i care very much

[alessiathepirate]

Far Cry 5

SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL: John Seed x fem!reader

Summary: She wasn't blind. She really wasn't. She just chose to love all of him.

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I may have made while I wrote this short story.

Warnings: mentioned and/or referenced torture and/or abuse, religious references (come on, it's the Seed family), swearing, reader isn't the Deputy

•••

"Fucking Hell!" Mary May looked at her in surprise, both shock and betrayal clearly seen on her face. "You love him..."

After her words, the whole Spread Eagel turned quiet. Pastor Jerome looked away and Nick seemed more than upset.

She felt her cheeks burn red, but not from shame - never from shame. It burned, because it was true.

"Holy shit..." Mary May cursed again, still in disbelief. "No shit you can't see how crazy that whole family is! You don't want to see it!"

"I--" she began, but shut her mouth instead when she realized she has no idea what she should say.

"John Seed is fucking hurting people!" Mary May continued. "And you decided to just- I don't know-- love him?"

"Please, he's not that--"

"Not that bad? That's what you wanted to say?" Mary May pulled her shirt down to show her the scars what stayed behind after that quick tattoo removal. "Does this seem not that bad to you?"

She looked at the scars, then back at Mary May. She let go of her shirt, then pointed toward the door.

"You should leave..."

"Mary M--"

"Get out!"

So she left.

She left so she could continue to love John with all his flaws.

•••

As John wrapped a fluffy blue towel around her body after they finished their shared bath, she wondered how people could think of him as evil.

Sure, she knew John wasn't purely good - she could see the flaws, but then again is anyone out there perfect? She herself wasn't perfection, yet John chose to love her anyway.

She wasn't blind, she saw the issues he had - but she could also see the things others couldn't. Because John didn't want them to see those. But he allowed her to see all of him.

How could he be pure evil, when he was capable of loving her so gently, so honestly? When he was capable of touching her so softly as if she was made from the thinnest glass? When he liked to hum those old songs, when deep down he was so full of joy and love to give?

"You're being quiet." John suddenly stated as he stroked her wet hair. "What's going on in your head, sweetheart?"

A lot. A whole lot.

"Mary May..." she confessed with a shy, sad smile. "I know it shouldn't upset me, but she was my friend and I--"

John shut her up with a kiss so soft, she felt dizzy.

"She and all the others in Fall's End are blind. They know nothing, they see nothing. You can't do anything about it, so don't let it bother you; alright?"

She just nodded and pressed a kiss to his chest, right above his 'sloth' tattoo. By then she knew all of tattoos by heart. She'd trace them and kiss each of them - yet her favourite was the one that said 'yes'. It sat right above his stomach and each night when she rested her head on his chest, she'd follow the dark lines with her fingertips.

"I love you, John."

He liked to hear it a lot. He had to hear it a lot so he would believe that someone was capable of loving him. And she loved saying it, no matter the time or place.

"I love you too, sweetheart. More than anything." he kissed her forehead, a sign of affection he picked up from his brother, and gently stroked her cheek. "Now let's get you into some comfortable clothes, okay?"

She smiled up at him. "Can I wear your shirt?"

"Of course you can."

She knew John loved to see her in them - in his shirts, in his coat. It gave him a sense of belonging. That act alone made everyone know that he was hers and she was his.

John turned to grab a clean shirt and she followed his movements. Then her gaze was on his back, and her smile turned into a frown.

The scars were there, proving that the wounds he had recieved when he was young, once existed. She hated them - not because they were ugly, but because ugly and deformed people gave him those.

Fall's End wanted to talk about bad people? They should've started with the monsters who gave John those scars.

She stepped toward him, hugging him from behind and pressed a kiss to his spine. She felt him freeze from both shock and surprise. To John her touching those scars, that ugliness, was more intimate then anything they did - more intimate than confessing their love, than kissing, than making love... It meant she truly accepted all of him and loved him anyway.

"I never want to leave you, John."

His answer was a kiss so full of adoration and passion, she forgot how to breath. Her legs felt weak, while the butterflies in her stomach went insane. John wanted to hold every single part of her, and she didn't mind at all - because it just proved he'd never want to leave her either.

And later, when they were in bed, curled into one another, she knew that no matter what others said, how they tried to point out John's or her imperfections - to each other they were perfect.

[naumin]

PAIN!!!!!!!! & hypermobility. an update

so over the last 5 years i've developed a bunch of chronic pain conditions. are they getting better? kind of no not really but i have some answers now i didn't at the start and i'm writing a post about them in case it helps somebody in a similar situation 🫶

so at the beginning i started getting pain in my shoulder - it's honestly hard to say if it's muscular or joint-related but what i've gathered is it doesn't really matter in my case. the pain is constant even at rest and sleeping. i had massages, applied topical pain relief and saw a few physios over the years who advised me to stretch and gave me some exercises aimed at strengthening the trapezius and rotator cuff muscles, which i tried to keep up with somewhat but fell off because they were awkward and not engaging (sue me). i also couldn't afford to see each physio more than once lol so i didn't have any follow-up appointments to keep me on track, plus i was working jobs that made my pain worse every day so i just wanted to lie in da bed tbh.

my pain would get worse, i would lose strength and the ability to do different activities and for as long as i used to, but i believed it was all bcus i was inconsistent with my exercises/stretching and i just needed to give it a proper go before i pay to see a professional about it yet again. this went on for YEARS dawg.

eventually i left my job and was doing yoga consistently every morning. and it wasn't helping... i wasn't getting better. oops. on top of this i started getting super awesome debilitating ⚡NERVE PAIN⚡ so i went and saw a physio for it and she said something interesting to me.

she said i might be hypermobile -- meaning i was really flexible and had a really good range of motion, but a lot of instability and pain in my joints. we honestly didn't focus on that much bcus i was more concerned about shooting pains and numbness in my hand and fingers (carpal tunnel) but it was something ppl had said to me over the years. i could rotate my shoulder 360° even though it felt really stiff and locked up. lots of "wow you're really flexible! i can't find the source of the pain"

so over the summer i started looking into hypermobility more. i think this video sums things up in a way that's easy to understand. it was a really hard time for me. a lot of crying while doing the gentlest pilates routine on youtube. turns out all the stretching and yoga and 'push yourself to the limit' attitude around exercise was rly hurting me. i started focusing on building my strength by lifting weights, and i mean really light weights like 500g, 1kg, 2kg on a good day, just in my house following routines online. and that has really helped with my pain. of course it's been years of it getting worse and affecting all the joints in my arm now (elbow, wrist is a hot mess, finger joints) so it's slow going and i do get pain while lifting -- even though the stupid doctor doesn't believe i score high enough to count as hypermobile, i've been referred to a physio now who says i definitely am, in my upper body at least (u can be hypermobile in different areas, did u know that?) -- anyway he says some pain is to be expected but as long as i don't overdo it to the point where i'm in agony even at rest then keep going. i'm lucky my condition allows me to do this much.

and that's the thing, the more you avoid doing because of your pain, the less you're capable of doing. i avoided a lot of activity because i thought it would do permanent damage to my body. but it's kind of the opposite, funnily enough... so the healing is freaking hard work, and it's painful. i am still in a lot of pain ✌️ but i'm really thankful to have an idea of what da fuck is going on now, and i cried a lot to my friends and family who support me... and it's the weedy spindly artists online who talked about how lifting weights has helped them who inspired me to start. so i hope this longass post can help somebody too... love u. PEACE

[be-with-me-so-happily]

Chapter 11

Series Summary: There are moments in our lives that have a major impact. The interactions, the adventures, and the love, all make up who we are. But when Harry can't remember those moments with YN, they are both left wondering what that means for themselves and their relationship.

Chapter Summary: It's the final one, my friends. We're finishing on how we started, from YN's perspective, just as I feel like it should be. This takes place once YN gets home from staying with her parents, about a week after she gets back, which is about 5 weeks from the time she and Harry last saw each other.

Thank you for being here, for reading this series, and for all the support! I'm glad you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it and I truly hope you enjoy this ending. 💗 Bee xx

~~~~~

Chapter Warnings: Some explicit language

~~~~~

As you sit in the bridal suite, admiring the gorgeous floral henna design being tattooed on the top of your right hand, you smile as you watch both Priya and Aman's mothers dancing around together while music fills the room.

"So… YN…" You hear Priya state, causing you to turn enough to face her in the chair next to you. "How are you feeling?"

"This is so much fun Priya, and the design is amazing! Not as stunning as yours, but that goes without saying, since you're the bride. But thank you for this. I figured it was just for family so I'm really honored that I was invited this morning."

"Oh hush. It's not, and you are family anyway! Of course I want you up here!" She waves off your statement, giving you a wink. "But I meant later… how are you feeling about… later today…?"

"This is your wedding day, and you want to know how I'm doing?" You chuckle, looking over at Adhira and giving her a scowl, realizing what Priya is referring to, and knowing Adhira couldn't hold back giving her soon-to-be sister-in-law the details of your relationship, or potentially lack thereof.

"Exactly. It's my wedding day. I want to know how you feel." She states, a somewhat curious, but mostly compassionate glint in her expression. "Well, truthfully, it's a need. I need to know. Because I feel bad that Harry will be here if it's going to be too painful for you. It's just a couple of songs, cover songs, but I can just tell him-"

"No, Priya! It's alright. I didn't want you to stress about finding another band. I knew he would be here." You assure her, placing your free hand over hers. "Please, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, this day is about you!"

"Well, in that case, bring on the mimosas, because today is also about drinks and dancing!"

"And love!" You add sincerely.

•••

You crunch down on a piece of toast, walking over to your little dining table with nothing but one of Harry's oversized t-shirts and some of your lace panties on.

Harry groans and you look up, finding him nearly chewing holes in his bottom lip.

"You look too good." He mumbles deeply, squirming in his chair across from you. You can't help but feel a little satisfied at the fact that you are teasing him without even trying.

"I just got out of bed…" You respond coyly, brushing off his compliment as if you're oblivious to what you're doing to him.

"Doesn't matter." His dimples cave with a mischievous smirk. "It's one of my favorite ways to see you. Not my top favorite, but definitely up there."

Your mouth drops open and he immediately points over to you.

"Yep, that's another one of them!"

You hurl a piece of toast in his direction, extracting an exuberant laugh, which causes your heart to flutter.

He takes the last bite of his pancakes, gathering his plate with a wide grin still plastered all over his face. Once everything is in the sink, he walks back over and squats down next to you. "This actually is my favorite way to see you."

"Right." You roll your eyes.

"M'serious!" He exclaims. "I wouldn't mind waking up to it every single morning, from now til… no, that's it. That's the answer."

"Yeah, we'll see." You joke, unable to deny the chaos of butterflies swirling throughout you. There isn't anyone you'd rather wake up with either.

"Yes, we will." He kisses your cheek and stands up, shuffling towards the bathroom door. "But right now, we better get ready to meet up with everyone, or Addy is going to kill us."

You get up and clear your plate, walking to follow Harry, but stopping to see him eyeing you up and down.

"What?" You giggle. "Stop looking at me like that!"

"You're so gorgeous. And I will never stop looking at you like this!"

After making conversation with most of Adhira and Aman's relatives, you take the opportunity, before the ceremony begins, to walk through the grand foyer of the luxury hotel.

The designer in you can't help but be fascinated by all the little details, so you pull out your phone and walk around, taking photos of almost everything you see.

You look down, making sure the photo you took of some artwork came out clearly, when you turn around and bump your shoulder into whomever was passing by.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" You exclaim, locking the screen and looking up apologetically. Your eyes grow wide as you see those beautiful and unmistakable green rounds staring back at you.

"S'alright. Not the first time you've done it." Harry chuckles, causing all breath to leave your body.

You knew you'd see him today, it isn't a surprise, but you weren't exactly expecting to be standing this close, feeling his warmth, smelling his familiar scent, feeling flustered by the gaze that always penetrates your soul.

"Right." You nod, feeling your throat as dry as it's even been. "Umm… how are you?"

"M'good." He responds quickly, lacking any sort of detectable emotion to give you a hint of how he really feels. "You?"

"Yep. Me too. Good." You mumble, feeling a little embarrassed as to how unconvincing your answer may have come across.

"That's good to hear." He clears his throat, crossing his arms over his chest, which usually isn't the most positive gesture coming from him. "Would… would you be up for having a conversation later?"

Your stomach twists a little. For some reason, the way he worded that question was so different and unsettling, but you figure it's needed, so you give him a quick nod.

"Okay. I'll connect with you sometime tonight then." He states, giving a quick smile. He turns around as you both notice everyone begin to shuffle towards the French doors leading outside. "I better go. But it was nice to see you."

"You too." You smile back, feeling the knot tighten as he turns around.

He swivels back to you and runs his hand through his hair.

"I hope it's okay to say… you look really nice." He utters.

"It is. Thank you." You utter, hoping he can hear your words but not the nervousness in your tone. "You do too."

He gives you one last smile and makes his way out the doors, presumably to set up before the wedding party is ready to make their entrance.

It takes a moment for you to gather control of your motor function, when you feel another presence next to you.

"Are you alright, Didi?" Adhira asks. You release a breath you didn't realize you had been withholding, especially considering you thought it had all left your body as soon as you saw Harry.

"Yeah, I'm… yeah. I'm alright."

"Well, I don't really believe that, but others might." She giggles, wrapping her arm around your shoulders. "What did he say?"

"He wants to talk later." You reply, feeling your stomach twist even tighter.

"And what do you want?" She asks.

You think for a moment. The time and space you had while visiting your parents was good, mainly because you got to spend time with them. You did get the clarity you needed, which wasn't hard to do. But in terms of what you have, or don't have, with Harry, now feels like it's still up in the air. It unnerved you to hear him suggest a conversation, even though it's definitely needed. It's just the way he said it that's got you uneasy. So stoic. Maybe you were right before, maybe he did change his mind. Maybe he did give up. Having to wait for those answers is going to drive you crazy.

"I guess, firstly, I want to know how he feels."

"Well…" She begins, slowly shuffling the two of you towards the doors, stopping before the exit as you look out to the gathering of their family and friends. "You'll find out tonight."

She gives you a squeeze and leaves your side to rejoin the bridal party, as she has the role of a bridesmaid, so you take a deep breath and step through the doorway.

A seat on the end of a row, in the middle of the right section, seems like a good enough spot. You should be able to see the couple at the altar, and nothing else. No one else. You want to be able to focus on the ceremony, since that's ultimately what you are here for.

A piano and drum melody begin to play and you turn towards the doors as the officiant walks out, followed by Aman with his parents.

Maybe it's the way you say my name

Maybe it's the way you play your game

But it's so good

The female voice catches you off guard, considering Harry was presumably the one to be performing the entry song, and your head uncontrollably shoots over to where the band is located. You smile as you see Ny Oh towards the front, her mouth to the mic, as her fingers run along the keys. Your eyes travel to Sarah and Mitch, also seeing Elin standing close by. Then, by habit, they land on Harry. He is still towards the front, but has his head down, bobbing as he gently strums his acoustic guitar. The way his hair is falling down can cause any girl to swoon, and it usually does, but it elicits so many feelings in you. And memories. You've seen it happen when he's playing, when he's sad, when he's hiding a blush or a smirk. Even when he's hovering over you on the bed and looking at you with intense passion.

As the first pairing of the bridal party passes through your vision, you turn your attention back to the next ones walking down the aisle.

'Cause I'm in a fields of dandelions

Wishing on every one that you would be mine

Your gaze shoots back over to the band as you hear Harry come through the speakers with his low harmony.

And I see forever in your eyes

I feel okay when I see you smile, smile

This song is for Aman and Priya, but as you notice Harry has found you within the crowd, all of your feelings grow more intensely. You must have missed Adhira passing by because suddenly everyone begins to stand, and the chorus is repeated as Priya walks down the aisle with her mother and father on each side of her.

Tears are forming in the corners of your eyes and you try to convince yourself that they are solely due to how beautiful Priya looks in her jeweled red wedding dress, and the sparkle you see on Aman's face as he reaches his hand out for her. The tears are for those reasons and nothing else.

The melody continues as the ceremony begins, the couple keeping it short and sweet, since they are bigger fans of the actual celebration.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife." The officiant states, snapping you out of a daze you didn't know you had been in. "You may kiss the bride!"

The melody picks up and Ny Oh sings the chorus once more, accompanied by Harry's background vocals, as everyone up front walks back down the aisle, and the crowd cheers. You clap along, unintentionally shifting your focus to the band. Your gaze meets Harry's, and you can't immediately turn away. The sudden thought that you've never been more jealous of a microphone enters your mind as he continues with the lyrics, eyes fixed on you. A hot blush rises to your cheeks and you manage to break eye contact just as the rest of the guests are encouraged to make their way inside.

•••

To your delight, and relief, you find that your seat at the reception is right next to Jordan. As well as you know a lot of the family members attending, it'll be nice to have a close friend to go through the night with.

"Hey! Ready for a wild night?" He exclaims as you sit down, placing your glass of champagne on the table in front of you.

You give a small smile and shake your head, with the intention of showing how well you know how crazy things can get with the family. You've been a part of it since you were young, but Jordan had to quickly become accustomed to it when he started dating Adhira. With that in mind, and the situation with Harry, this will definitely be an interesting experience.

"It'll be one for the books." You nod, quickly taking a sip of your drink.

"Are you doing alright?"

You nod again. "Yeah."

"Are you gonna talk to him?"

"He wants to." You reply, placing your glass down and beginning to fiddle with the stem. "I mean, I guess I do too."

"Yeah. You'll find out how he feels." He replies, taking a sip of his own drink. The wording is odd, and causes an inquisitive look to show on your face, only to be met by a shrug from him. "Right?"

You shrug as well, and your ears pick up on the soft instrumental that begins to play. This time, you control your gaze and turn directly towards the doorway leading into the banquet hall where everyone is seated, watching the bridal party begin to saunter in.

The beaming grins on the faces of both Aman and Priya make you feel so good. They truly belong together. You're so happy that they are so happy. They immediately make their way to the dance floor, and you must have forgotten to keep a handle on your focus, because your gaze travels over to the band yet again. Your heart stops as you see Harry already gazing back at you, and he steps closer to the mic.

The first words leave his lips and you pull away to focus back on the happy couple. It's not you and him. Though looking at how lovingly Aman stares into his bride's eyes, it brings a tear to your own knowing how much you've wanted that with Harry. You drop your head, quickly wiping the tear, and you let your eyes wander back to him. You finally have the opportunity to really take him all in, and he looks so good. He always has. But of course, you really haven't been able to admire it, not fully admire it, for a while now. It hasn't changed though, because he looks incredible in the white button-up shirt under his light blue suit. That is your favorite blue. It's also your favorite color on him. You meet his eyes once again, his fixated on yours as he sways back and forth.

Fall into me and I'll catch you, darlin'

We'll dance in the street like nobody's watching

It's just you and me

And the song on repeat in my head

Playing over and over

I'm drunk on your voice high on the moment

I'd fall for you twice if that's what you wanted

I'd give you my life from now till forever

I'm falling in love with you

Over and over again

Your breath hitches as you think you notice a subtle smile appear, but his eyes quickly flicker over to Aman and Priya, so yours do as well.

Your nerves were already on alert from the fact that you'd be seeing him at this wedding, even with the knowledge of his attendance, but his unreadable demeanor, and now disappearing smile, have caused that level to rise. You wonder at what point you two will have this necessary, but now anxiety-inducing conversation, so you can swiftly and politely make your exit afterwards if it doesn't go well.

Until I had met you

There was no sun in my sky

No mirrors for monsters

And no love in sight

Then you walked down those stairs

And I knew my heart wasn't mine

On the day that I met you

My whole world came alive

You look over again, seemingly unable to control yourself anymore, and see that subtle smile again. This time it stays, even when he notices you watching him, it stays.

Your eyes jolt over to your friends for just a moment, since that's where they should be focused, but immediately move back to Harry. Again, the smile remains, and it may be your imagination, but you swear it's grown even wider.

I'm falling in love with you

I'm falling in love with you

I'm falling in love with you over and over

I'm falling in love with you over and over

You take another sip of the champagne, mildly questioning how much you've already had considering the heat rushing to your cheeks. But nonetheless, you watch Harry. As improper as it may be to some that you aren't watching the bride and groom, you watch Harry. As confusing as all the emotions are that course through you, alongside the champagne, you watch Harry. As unsure as you are about how anything will end up tonight, you watch Harry.

And Harry watches you.

"Please raise your glasses for this beautiful couple before us! To Aman and Priya!" He toasts, and you quickly grab your glass, not even realizing that the song had ended.

You place it back on the table and look up to see that Harry has left the stage and is making his way towards you. Your heart flutters as he gets even closer and it dawns on you that the chair to your right has remained empty for a reason. It's his chair. Whether they forgot to change it, or simply couldn't, it doesn't really matter, because either way he is now shaking Jordan's hand and lowering himself into it.

"Hi." He speaks softly.

"Hi." You reply, hoping those words actually came out and weren't lost in the breath you exhaled with them. "That was good. You did… you all did good. Up there."

"Thank you." He chuckles, catching the attention of the nearby waiter carrying a tray of champagne flutes. He takes one for himself and you quickly grab another for your own, taking a large sip before placing it on the table.

You turn to try and bring Jordan into the conversation, hoping he could ease the awkwardness you're already feeling, when you realize his seat is void of him. You scan the rest of the table and shake your head. You're not sure why it didn't occur to you before, but no one else is there. Those other seats are for the others in the band, who are conveniently missing. So now there you are, left alone with Harry, and you make a mental note to interrogate your so-called group of friends to find out if their sudden disappearing act was on purpose.

"Wow!" He exclaims, and you turn back to him, following his gaze as it lands on your right hand. "That's very pretty. It's called henna, right?"

"Mhm." You hum.

"Can… umm… may I take a look?" He asks timidly, with an innocence to his gaze.

You nod and raise your hand, feeling that familiar warmth as he brings his to sit under it. He lowers his face and his breath on your skin sends a shiver down your spine. The index finger of his other hand suddenly begins tracing the intricate design, going over every subtle line and curve of the ink as it moves up your forearm.

He looks up to you and straightens up, still holding your hand in his.

"It really is beautiful." He utters and your heart begins to race.

However, a frown appears between his brows, causing the beating to slow and your stomach to turn. He looks back down to your hand and turns it over, so that your palm is facing upward.

"Your cut healed nicely." He sighs, not revealing what emotion was behind it.

"Yeah." You clear your throat. "Thank you."

"No problem." He mutters, releasing your hand and turning his body to fully face his spot at the table. At that moment, your friends all appear, simultaneously, which gives you the answer to the question you had a few moments before.

"Hey everyone!" Sarah exclaims, switching her glance between you and the man beside you. You glare, unamused by their apparent scheme. Mainly because now is not the time to have a serious conversation with him. She gives an awkward smile back and takes her seat, as do the rest of your friends.

You spot the wait staff begin to walk around with plates of food, and have never felt more relieved to eat. Hopefully dinner will take some of the awkward energy away.

•••

As the plates are cleared, and toasts are given, it is announced there will be a Bollywood dance routine performed by some family members, alongside dessert, which always perks you up.

You had chosen chocolate cheesecake, and your mouth begins to water as it's placed in front of you, but your throat immediately dries up as you feel Harry tapping on your thigh and leaning in closer towards you.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" He whispers, and your eyes dart around the table. Everyone's attention is either focused on their plates, or the dancefloor, as the music begins to play.

"But… dancing, and dessert…" The words slip out with a minor whimper, not intending to actually utter those thoughts out loud.

"Just for a moment. Please?" He asks, and as you look in his direction, the plea in his expression is too much for you to deny his request, so you nod and follow him out of the banquet hall.

He leads you out the doors and over to a staircase, close enough to still hear the festivities, but far enough away so that they don't overtake your conversation.

He walks up to the third step, resting his back against the banister, and you gather your dress to step up and stand against the wall across from him. As soon as you are settled, your eyes fixate on your hands and they fidget with the nails of the other.

It's silent. Maybe he's waiting for you to speak first? Or maybe he doesn't even know what to say? You at least would've wanted dessert before potentially having to bolt out of the venue from embarrassment or heartache. At least your heels are easy enough to slip off if you need to make a quick getaway.

"How are your parents?" He breaks the silence, his question causing a scrunch in your nose.

"Good. My dad's doing well."

"Good." He nods in response.

"Look, Harry-"

"YN..." He interrupts, standing up straighter and running a hand through his gorgeous curls. You could curse them for being so inviting to touch. "M'not gonna take up much of your night. I just wanna get something off my chest."

"Alright." You swallow nervously, hoping you'll find out exactly how he feels and that you can express the same, wherever that leads you.

"I love you." He suddenly states, catching you a little off guard. For some reason, whatever you thought he was going to say, that was not it. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving you if m'honest."

He puts his hands in his pockets and your breathing picks up as he takes the smallest step towards you, raising his gaze to meet yours and locking in on you.

"I know I hurt you. I can only imagine how much pain I caused you. And I am truly sorry. Because what I feel now, is probably only a fraction of what you've been feeling, and I feel so fucking empty without you."

He steps closer again and you let out a whimper as a tear escapes down your cheek. Once again, like the last time you two spoke, his finger is quick to wipe it away.

"I never want to hurt you again. I never want to make you cry again. As much as it hurts to be without you, that would hurt so much more. I love you too much to put you through that again."

You sigh, unable to move, barely able to breathe, as his eyes, and words, hit deep into your soul.

"Please say something now." He whispers.

Every response you want to give him vanishes from your mind. This is what you wanted. This is what you came home for. He is what you came home for. Yet your mind goes blank as your mouth opens to speak.

"My heart was broken, and it hurt so much. Because I think the hardest thing I've ever had to do is walk away while still being in love with you."

His hands softly travel from your shoulders, down to your hands, and you feel a strike of lightning shoot through your veins.

"Do… do you still love me?" He asks in a whisper.

"Yes." You whisper back in response.

"Because you're all that I care about, YN. I just want you to be happy. Whatever I need to do to make that happen, I'll do it. I would've barged my way through that airport, but you asked for time and I wanted to give it to you. And if you need more, I'll give you that too. No matter the outcome. I'll give you whatever you want."

Hair is tenderly brushed out of your face and tucked behind your ear and you see more love in his eyes than you ever have before.

"Do you still need time?" He asks, clearing his throat and glancing down for a moment as his thumbs run over your knuckles.

"Yes." You state, squeezing his hands before his head drops too low. This may just be the moment you get back everything you've been missing, everything you've wanted. "With you. I need more time with you."

His hands drop yours and instantly hold onto your cheeks, radiating a heat that could power every chandelier in that ballroom. His gaze flickers between each of your eyes, and he doesn't wait another second before his lips are passionately pressed on yours. Your hands swiftly travel up to rest around his neck, not only to embrace him, but to keep yourself from completely melting at his touch. He steps closer, leaving no room between your heaving chests, and your back pushes firmly against the wall.

He pulls away and you both catch your breath, his forehead resting against your own, and you hear him hum in contentment.

"Cheeky." He smirks, peppering tiny kisses on your cheeks. "I can definitely give that to you."

The sharp sound of mic feedback pierces through the speakers from the hall, and Harry leads you, hand in hand, back to your table. He holds your chair out as you sit back down, and gives you a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be right back." He utters into your ear, leaving you to watch him in a confused state as he heads back up to meet the rest of the band.

"Hello! I'm Harry." He states into the mic and he waves to the crowd. "It's a great night, isn't it?"

He looks over to you with a wide grin and your cheeks flood with heat, yet again.

"We've performed a couple of songs already tonight, and I wouldn't call this a wedding song, but it's really fun, it's our last one before our friend DJ Raj takes over, and it was requested by the groom." He turns to Mitch and Sarah, nodding for them to start it off, then turns back to the mic. "At least that's what I'll be claiming."

He smirks as he looks back to you and holds onto the mic stand, closing his eyes and shaking his head to the beat before taking in a deep breath.

Here to take my medicine, take my medicine

Treat you like a gentleman

Give me that adrenaline, that adrenaline

Think I'm gonna stick with it

Your jaw drops open and your palm immediately covers your open mouth, holding back the loud laugh of unbelief threatening to burst out.

"Didi!" Adhira exclaims, plopping down right next to you. "You're smiling! Does this mean it worked?"

You nod and tug on your bottom lip. You can see, even from this distance, how Harry's eyes begin to fill with desire as he stares at you.

I had a few, got drunk on you

And now I'm wasted

And when I sleep I'm gonna dream of how you…

"Tasted." You whisper, aware that only you know the rest of that line. Not that he'd sing it in front of this particular group anyway. Suddenly your gaze shoots over to your friend and your brow instantly furrows. "Wait… did what work…?"

"Come on…" She replies, drawn out, most likely due to a couple glasses of champagne. Her tipsy condition is ideal for this moment considering you want answers. "The last time at the bar, the songs… the singing tonight, and the songs… that was me! I'm the mastermind!"

Jordan gets up from the other side of you and holds Adhira by the shoulders, lifting her up from the seat.

"I wouldn't say 'mastermind', babe… but you helped…" He states, giving you a smile.

"I'm just glad it worked! They're in love!" She shouts, thankfully no louder than the song being played, though you couldn't care less at this point. It's true, after all.

They make their way to the dancefloor and you turn your attention back to where you want it to be, right on Harry, biting on your lower lip as he bounces around, smirking every time his eyes catch yours.

If you let it, your body could float. All of the heaviness from the past couple of months has lifted completely, evaporated, never to be seen or felt again. All that's left is the light daze that being with Harry gives you, and it's in the best way. But that daze, and the sudden heat rushing to your core, is not being hindered in any way by the current song.

If you go out tonight, I'm going out

'Cause I know you're persuasive

You got that something

I got me an appetite

Now I can taste it

You giggle as you take your actual first bite of dessert, shaking your head at how Harry looks as if he wants to devour you more than you want the cheesecake in front of you. And you won't complain.

We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh

La-da-da-da-da

We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh

La-da-da-da-da

Before you take another bite, Harry's hands are pulling you out of your chair and into his arms, wrapping one around your waist as the other's hand sits against your cheek.

"Was Aman really the one to pick that song?" You chuckle, lifting your fingers to finally, once again, entangle them in his gorgeous hair.

"M'not telling." He simply replies, running his thumb across your lips to wipe some crumbs away. "Think we can sneak out early?"

Your teeth grind into your lower lip as you shift your weight within his embrace. The butterflies you feel inhibit any words, so you use a smile and nod as your answer.

Harry looks around the room and leads you around the tables, stopping every few paces to give you a quick kiss.

As you make it out into the foyer, he turns around, pulls you in by your waist, and presses his lips firmly against your own. Your palms rest on his chest, and you sigh as you feel the heat from his skin. It's quickly matched by the heat building up at your core.

"If you keep stopping to kiss me, we'll never get anywhere." You utter, your lips hovering in front of his.

"We'll get there Cupcake. I just have a lot to make up for. I don't plan on stopping anytime soon."

•••

Harry had never been more nervous in this entire life, until this moment. Nothing had made him shake, or sweat, or forget how to breathe, more so than what he was about to do. However, he knows that this one action will lead to a moment that will top it immensely.

He picks up his phone from the counter, his shaky thumb hovering over the contact. He takes a deep breath and presses it.

Pacing is all he can do while the phone rings, but he halts in place once the sound turns into a clearing of the throat on the other end of the line.

"Harry! How are you?" The murmur can barely be heard.

"I'm doing well, Mr. YLN, how are you?" He replies.

"I'm doing alright." Your dad clears his throat again, and Harry begins to feel some guilt for the fact that he isn't there, talking to your father in person. "But… I have a feeling you aren't calling to… just check in with me…"

A smile quickly appears on Harry's face. Your father has always had the best attitude, and a knack for being very in tune with what's going on. He says it's because his only hobby is to people-watch, so he can pick up on those unspoken cues very quickly. He also jokes that he should be a body language analyst for the FBI.

"You're always on point." Harry chuckles, inhaling a deep breath and gathering his composure, as if your dad can hear his stature change. It's possible. "I'm sorry I can't do this in person. But… I have an important question to ask you."

Sitting across from Harry, in your favorite cafe, flipping the page of your book, you look up to find Harry's eyes on you, smiling as he takes a sip of coffee.

"What?" You ask with a giggle, a slight blush quickly forming on your cheeks.

"It's just been a good day." He shrugs, and your blush grows deeper. "But every day for the past two weeks has been a good day."

"You're adorable." You shake your head, feeling the exact same way. As absolutely terrible as those recent couple of months were, you've never felt better with him than you do now. "Do you wanna do anything in particular?"

"Yes! I have the perfect plan!" He suddenly exclaims, causing you to find him looking outside at the rain. He quickly shoots up from his seat and moves next to you, reaching out his hand to take yours. "Come with me."

"What?"

"Please?"

You can't resist that smile, and those dimples, and the way he makes your heart flutter. Not that you want to anyway. You let him take your hand and guide you out of your chair, then out of the cafe, into the rain.

"Wanting some peak romance?" You ask, knowing it is a tradition of yours, but unsure as to why he was so interested in doing this so abruptly.

"Something like that."

He brings you closer, staring at your hand, and you notice his breathing increase dramatically.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He replies breathlessly. "I, umm… I wanna make this moment special."

"What do you mean?" You ask, simply watching his expression for any clue it could give you.

"I love you, Cupcake…"

"I love you too, Harry." You smile, cupping his cheek to encourage him to look at you. The anxiousness in his eyes causes yours to widen.

"You are my everything, YN. I can't believe there was that short period of time where I missed out on just… being with you."

"Harry…"

"I was lost for a moment and… I almost lost you… but I found my way back home. That's you. You are my home."

"Oh my god…" You whisper, your heart racing faster than the speed of the raindrops falling all around you.

Harry looks down at the ground and frowns as he sees the puddle that has accumulated at your feet. He squeezes your hand, reaching his other into his coat pocket, and stepping closer as he holds a small box in front of you. His eyes flicker between it and your gaze, finally landing on you with a nervous smile.

"I don't want to waste another moment together. And I've been wanting to do this for a long time, so I don't want to live another second without asking you… " He clears his throat and his shaky hand opens the box. "Will you marry me?"

It's a surreal experience, to say the least. Everything happens in slow motion, but too quickly at the same time.

This is Harry. The love of your life. The man who dragged you outside into a storm because you told him you'd never been kissed in the rain. The man who learned to make your coffee order just so that you could stay just a few extra minutes at home with him before heading to work. The man who sat on the bathroom floor with you, all night, holding you while you cried.

He means everything to you. Everything. You can't imagine a life without him, and now you won't have to.

"Yes!" You exclaim, flinging your arms around his neck and pulling him as close as you can. "Forever, yes!"

~~~~~

the end.

~~~~~

Series Masterlist

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[softquietsteadylove]

Me again! Could I maybe request a follow up to the lawyer/Thena raising her sisters au? The first one was so good and I'd love to see what happens when Gil comes over to make the lasagna. Thank you :)

"Hey!"

Gil looked up from chopping, just barely catching two heads ducking down behind the back of the couch again to resume pretending to watch tv. He chuckled, glancing briefly to his right, "it's okay, I don't mind."

Thena shook her head though, focusing back on cutting parsley with needlessly forceful chops. "They're only lingering so they can ask you invasive questions, despite me debriefing them earlier."

It was funny that she called it 'debriefing' them. But she had warned him that she didn't have much in the way of friends, so don't be concerned by the endless questions of being her boyfriend, or at least liking her, if not being accused of having a long standing affair with her. That, he had blushed at.

He shrugged though, laughing to himself as he caught the odd eye glancing his way again. "They're kids, I don't blame them for being curious. I did kind of come over uninvited."

"Trust me, it's never gone well when I've attempted to tackle our mother's recipes before," Thena muttered, looking at the hand written notes lovingly propped open on a book stand for their reference. She looked down and pointed with the knife, "like this?"

Gil smiled; the parsley looked like it had been murdered and sawed. He nodded, "looks great. Honestly, even finer--the smaller the better when it goes in the ricotta."

Thena accepted the instruction, resuming hacking at it.

Gil winced for the poor cutting board. "May I?"

Thena just watched as he reached over gently. He moved one hand to the back of the blade and adjusted the wrist of her other, demonstrating the rocking motion of a cleaner cut. "Oh."

"It'll be easier on your hand," he suggested lightly, leaving his ears and the cutting board's longevity aside.

Thena eyed him and the mirepoix he was stirring in the pot with sizzling meat already in it. She continued his work, slower and clumsier, but following his demonstration. "Thanks--this is what I was talking about."

He shrugged, though, adding the garlic and tomato paste to the loudly sizzling pot. "Hey, you wouldn't know this stuff unless it was taught to you. I just happened to be in the kitchen with my grandma a lot as a kid."

Thena stared down at her parsley, looking more and more fine by the moment. "Mother knew I was terrible in the kitchen. Father would remind me ceaselessly that a wife who couldn't cook was like a car with no wheels."

Gil frowned, "that's a pretty messed up thing to say. And to your own daughter?"

She gave him a half a smile and a raise of her sharp eyebrow, "you can tell why Mother's keepsakes are all over the house, while I didn't even keep the car that was in Father's name."

He gave her a little laugh at her joke, no matter how dark. "I guess I don't blame you for that. Moms hold the family together most of the time anyway, right?--taste."

Thena blinked at the speed with which he transitioned from one subject back to their dinner. But she accepted the bite of carrot, blowing before popping it into her mouth. "Hm, still crunchy, but it tastes good."

"Adding the tomato paste and frying it a little first helps get that tinny, acidic taste out, and sweetens it." He reached for the wine, adding a healthy glug or two before reaching for the canned tomatoes. He nodded his head, "want a glass?"

Her eyes darted to the living room.

She was a dutiful guardian, mother or not. Gil smiled, though, nudging the bottle, "one glass won't hurt, right? We're not going anywhere for the rest of the night, and they're fine."

Thena eyed the bottle before sighing, "there are some glasses on the top shelf next to the fridge, I think."

She thought, as in she wasn't sure. But Gil wiped his hands off on the towel he had thrown over his shoulder and moved to the fridge. There were indeed wine glasses still in there, upside down and everything. He pulled two out, admiring the light feel and crystalline shine of them.

"Hey," he whispered, pouring them each a modest glass of a mere few ounces each. He clinked them lightly too, although the quality of the glass still made them ting loudly. "To the first lasagne of many, right?"

That made her smile, and his own smile brightened. Whether it was lasagne or anything else from their mother's hand written recipes, he was happy to help with it. She picked up her glass and gave him a gentle smile over the rim of it. "To the inaugural lasagne."

Her lips looked even more full against the rim of a glass, and when she pulled away he realised for the first time that she wore just a little lip colour when they were in the office.

He averted his eyes from the faint pink on the rim of her glass, looking into his own swirl of red wine. Moving back to the pot he smelled the bubbling mixture. "Usually I'd say to let it simmer for a while, but about fifteen minutes should be fine so we can get things in the oven."

Thena nodded after another sip of her own. "Is the parsley cut enough?"

It was now practically a fine paste it was so chopped. The cutting board was stained green, which of course meant a lot of its flavour was stuck in the wood grain as opposed to still in the leaves. But he grinned, "looks great."

Thena rolled her eyes.

"Hey, really," he laughed, reaching around her for the bowl of ricotta to mix the greens into. "And you said you were terrible at this."

She sighed again, letting her eyes drift back to the couch and to the tv playing some kind of reality show. "Just ask them about the first time I tried baking cookies for them. I'm forbidden from contributing to bake sales. I think they nearly called the CDC on me."

Gil laughed from his belly at that. The heads on the couch turned to watch them again but he was busy looking at Thena, who was laughing faintly at her own joke. Or maybe she was laughing because he was. Either way, she had a cute laugh. "Come on, it couldn't be that bad."

She shook her head though, "poor Sersi had to take over for me to get even one pan of edible merchandise. I had to write a note excusing my poor performance."

Gil caught two pairs of eyes fully spying on them, getting caught be damned. But he slid against the edge of the counter to lean closer. "I mean, I would think they could give you a bit of a break, all things considered."

Thena's expression turned gloomy again, staring into her wine. "I think they do. But everything they send home for them to do feels herculean after a long week, or a big case, or soccer, or-"

The oven beeped loudly at them, announcing its preheating.

Thena gave him a light smile again as she retrieved the casserole dish they had selected. "Ready?"

"I'd say so," he replied gently. He picked up a ladle, first putting in some sauce on the bottom. "This helps to steam the noodles and prevent burning on the bottom layer."

"Hm," Thena mused as she watched him layer the first set of lasagne sheets in. "I thought it was a meaningless old tradition. I never imagined there was a reason for it."

Gil looked back at the recipe, "it's one of those things that you only know if you know. I'm sure your mom never thought of adding in stuff like this."

"No, I suppose not."

He gulped, wondering if he should have brought it up at all. But Thena's smile, although wistful, wasn't really sad. He pointed, "it's your time to shine."

She laughed faintly, scooping out the mixture of ricotta and her pulverised parsley. "I'm lucky I have your expertise."

He blushed. She could have asked him for anything, after he had found out what kind of day she'd had when she texted. He would have fished the moon out of the sky if she asked.

She flicked the spoon for the last glob before he layered on more sauce. "I may have to call on you again the next time we open the book."

He grinned down at the noodles as he laid them. Thena's hands were long but slim, her fingers so delicate and pretty. His sleeves were rolled up for cooking, as were hers. She looked half his size, standing next to him. "Any time, you name it."

"Careful Gil," she murmured, and it almost sounded like she was teasing him playfully. "If this turns out well, they'll be demanding you cook for them all the time."

He was pretty sure he would agree to that, whether by the girls' demand or their sister's. "The defense rests, your honour."

Thena rolled her eyes again at his corny lawyer joke, but she was still smiling at least.

"Okay," he breathed as he ladled on the last layer of sauce. "Get some cheese on this and I believe we'll have a beautiful lasagne in about an hour."

"About an hour?" she asked firmly as she sprinkled on the cheese mixture from the bag. "Don't underestimate my ability to ruin an hour's worth of hard work in the last ten minutes."

"Okay, okay," he chuckled. Thena was adamant in everything she did, from her casework in court, to her determination that she was a blackhole of culinary ability. "Set a timer for 40 minutes, then we'll check it, and I like to broil it for the last five or so, just to get that leopard spotting on the cheese."

"Yes, Chef," she purred (definitely teasing him).

He buried his nose in his wine glass again. He was just about empty, but Thena definitely didn't drink regularly with two teenagers at home, and he didn't come over to get buzzed anyway.

"Here," she said gently, reaching for the glass with the bottle already in hand. He had a polite decline on his tongue when she pulled his hand with hers, topping him up. "I owe you far more than dinner and some wine, but I guess it's a start."

"You don't owe me anything Thena," he frowned even as she poured herself a little more too. He leaned forward again, "really."

She just looked at him, and she was back to being completely unreadable. He dreaded to think what it was like to go up against her in court; not only was her beauty intimidating, but that stare was cold enough to chill his wine to the touch.

"Are you done flirting?!"

Gil tugged at his shirt collar, only to remember that he had already taken off his tie and undone the first two buttons so he wouldn't sweat in the food.

Thena glared at her sister, "I beg your pardon?"

The head of auburn hair ducked down like a startled dog, but didn't retreat entirely. "When's dinner gonna be ready?"

"In an hour," Thena snapped again, but it wasn't her sharp tone that had the girl trembling. If anything, her sharpness seemed familiar and comforting to her sisters.

"Can I have a diet coke?"

"No."

"Come on!" Sprite whined at her, "you're having a fun drink!"

Gil slid his eyes over to his colleague. The evidence was right there, even if he was the one at fault for it.

Thena let out a loud sigh, matching the dramatic energy of her sister(s). "Fine, you can each have one. But if it's gone before dinner, that's it, it's water for the rest of the night."

"Fine," Sprite moaned as she slid off the couch to retrieve them.

Thena glared at her.

"She means thank you," Sersi offered much more sweetly and docilely, even if it was just to appease their sister's glaring. She crept behind her younger sister, holding onto her shoulders the whole way to the fridge. Her eyes darted between them, "it, um, smells nice."

Gil smiled; they were nice kids. Thena had done a great job with them, clearly. "Thanks, I hope I got everything right."

"You can't do worse than her, dude, trust me," Sprite pointed blatantly at their guardian. "She's, like, find a bone in your cereal--bad."

"It was one time."

It wasn't a joke? Where did the bone come from?

"If dinner isn't for an hour," Sersi swayed on the spot, like a child shyly twirling her dress (although she was actually in yoga pants with a green flannel tied around her waist). "Would you like to watch an episode of Ghost Files?"

"Ghost show, huh?" Gil grinned, putting his hand on his hips. He looked over at Thena, who looked maybe even a little sheepish.

"It's our fav," Sprite added, excited at the prospect of sharing their favourite program. "They find evidence, and then Thee tells us if it would be accepted in court."

"None of it would be," she stated outright, "but they still ask me every episode."

She made it sound tedious, but she was smiling just like the other two as they started to move back to the living room. Gil followed, "sounds like a fun family thing."

"If you two sit up properly, there'll be room for Gil to sit," Thena suggested not-so-subtly.

But Sersi and Sprite threw themselves back onto the couch. One side was clearly claimed by each, Sersi's with a fluffy blanket for her legs and Sprite's with a crumpled up throw pillow and snacks on her respective end table.

They pointed. "Or you can sit on the loveseat."

"Yeah, why else have two couches?" Sprite snickered with a mouthful of roasted peanuts.

"Animals," Thena admonished her sisters, and yet took a graceful seat on the smaller sofa adjacent to the tv. She had sat closer, giving Gil the better seat for viewing. She pulled one of her legs up, leaving the other down and her pencil skirt stretching to accommodate her.

He sat down on the other cushion, clutching his wine glass and trying to focus on the show, rather than how he could now smell that Thena also wore a little perfume when she was in the office too.

[pinkverbena]

ˏ`୭̥*ೃ❏ F&H 1946: Pav's extra story 彡

*ACT 4 and ACT 5

[ content - archive ]

//CAUTION!: Violence, mutilation, signs of trauma, references of abuse, cigarettes and alcohol (only mentioned), ptsd, Funger experience, others, perhaps rub salt into the wound.

◇This happens after defeating Bremen’s new lieutenant in his Eagle Head phase form and the Moth Boss.

----------------------------------------------------

A young man in a peaceful life, a simple village, the snow covering the landscape, the wind shaking the trunks of those trees.

A snowflake falling on his nose.

Like those old times.

Pav wakes up, recognizing the winter where had once been, a first, a summer and an autumn that sometimes seemed the same, a comforting feeling in his chest as if he could let it fall on those whitish and frozen mountains. He throws a snowball at his companion on this gloomy and desolate journey, notice that Seimei was unconscious due to a wound on his leg.

He shivered when saw that crimson in Seimei's, observing for a while the landscape and that comforting memory had become a nightmare. That charred village, swallowed up as if it were nothing by a certain man whom they worshipped as a divine among all the divines, an army of men advancing towards the snowy mountains, a sensation breaks him, paralyzed, horrified, the only time could shed at least small tears and feel like a child.

But those sobs of Seimei brought Pav out of the trance, looking at him there, of course, all this was in the past, right?. Although not specifically both were in the same scenario to meet each other, anyway, as always promised himself, that no one would be affected by the Kaiser and that promise had been stronger even after getting rid of that bastard.

''I don't want to-, i don't want him to touch me again, it disgusts me, i feel like i was going to die and burn when we faced him, i wasn't ready, couldn't!''

''Hey...that guy is death’’ says, lying down next to him and breathing deeply, looking at the sky, holding back for a while.

‘’I-is over?’’ ask Seimei in a soft voice.

‘’If you don’t believe me, count the bullets you have’’ says Pav.

''That was the promise between us, when i gave you my pistol, that's what matters''

Pav caressing his own head as if had an intense pain that is hammering. He lets out a small cry, a few drops of blood begin to fall from his nostrils. Seimei crawls through the snow, all he wanted to do was check on Pav, though was puzzled that they both looked younger and in a place where everything seemed like something out of a dream or a nightmare.

''No, don't come near me...'' mutters, staying alert even with the constant headaches and bleeding.

''If i just stand there doing nothing, you're going to choke on your own blood, or worse'' Seimei frowns, puffing out his cheeks when the blond looks at him sternly.

''I don't need your help!, enough, Sho!'' he exclaims, was getting on his nerves, starting with his stubborn behavior, quickly getting up to look for something useful to stop the other boy from bleeding.

When Pav gets a piece of cloth he had stored in his coat, Seimei holds it at the same time, scolding. Screaming at each other as a reaction after they had been through and that dubious history that anyone would doubt if these two were mentally well; after a few moments, in a silent anger, Seimei tears the cloth, wiping his nose and Pav covering the boy’s wound with a bitter face. The two show a noticeable disagreement, until they calm down when their mutual pain fades, at least a little. The howling wind running through the frozen forests and that village had once existed, being only ghostly rubble.

''...This was once my home, it doesn't seem like much, but it's all i know'' Pav's tears came out. ''At first you want to do what you can, but then it's more painful and confusing, isn't it?, knowing that one day a man...no, a monster, would end everything i loved, this place, my family''

He closes his eyes, being the one who cried like that time and Pav hated it, he hated the idea of being vulnerable.

Pav stops himself to avoid letting out some agonizing noise, having the feeling of emptiness, wishing that everything could end, that he could be less kind to himself again, be the flirtatious, charismatic and sly Pav that everyone knows, not Pavel Yudin, a depressed, distrustful man, obsessed with the past, someone who only sought something more in this terrifying world that was in itself a punishment to be alive.

''You have a family...but you keep lying to them, right?, i don't blame you'' he says, wiping away the tears.

''I ended up screwing up, i could have fixed it on my own'' shakes his head Seimei. ''Even if we killed my...former boss, that won't heal me completely, everything i went through will never be undone by a bullet''

Seimei thinks for a few moments, handing the pistol Pav had given him earlier, as a symbol of their debt. ''But, we couldn't let that idiot get away with it even after he was dead'' says, in a tone that showed kindness and understanding, leaving a sad Pav, who was holding the pistol. ''Thank you''

A smile appears on his face, having a certain thought when he expresses something positive, especially since the two avoided themselves sentimentally. Being a former lieutenant and an office worker, nothing to do with each other, totally different. Seimei had been alone with a toy skeleton he had found in the trash before meeting him, of course, they were known as the worst neighbors, the best being the worst.

The first time he lost everything, Seimei had the notion that Pav lost it for the second time, his memories repeat in those afternoons where they smoked together and laughed at the superficially nice and idiotic people in the neighborhood, where they talked about trivial things, gave each other nicknames and escaped together during nap times, listened to music from the radio or brought more than 7 bottles of vodka to end up in what kind of thing in which they came out with the consequences of a screaming neighbor, a neighbor about to call the police or neighbors asking them both to shut up or why Pav monopolized the entire bed with the television on in the middle of midnight.

The moment Pav recognized the words of his successor, who followed him in command, even more cruel and heartless way, the man who told him that he was a coward, that he did not deserve to live and should die with the same fate as all his family in Voroniya, those last words hit him right in the mind and heart. The fact that of all people, Seimei had given him a chance for them to have a seemingly normal life, that second chance that he never thought would have during all the time as neighbors.

A thumb brushes another tear that fell on his cheek, a warm hug surrounds the body and Pav stiffens as he processes everything that happened. Wondering why he deserved this, why even if promised himself that no one else would be by his side, there would be someone who would make him hurt more about the fact that he still misses a home when he doesn't know where to belong.

"I'm sorry...for everything" corresponds to the hug.

Hoping the office worker couldn't forgive him, that they could get away as soon as possible after all that madness, because he believed that Seimei deserved something better with his family in Edo, to forget everything, that could progress in the trauma.

Where Pav was stuck in the past with the revenge and misfortune that his chaotic soul brought.

Feeling bad for say jokes that made Seimei uncomfortable or the fact of being aware that he was not the best emotional support for his neighbor in the worst moments, hiding certain truths from him which it would have been better to have said before taking Seimei to danger.

An afflicted look was reflected, alone, the way Seimei hugs him tightly, blaming himself for everything, all that anger, that revenge that resurfaced again, the coincidence, repeating to Seimei that he could have done better to protect his family, even though said all this time that he didn't care about the future.

He cannot forget Voroniya, his village, his home, the voice of his parents, the people who belonged to that place, Pav cannot forget the forest, the laughter, the footsteps in the snow, his glory against Kaiser, his retreat. What right does he have to ask Seimei to bury his trauma and horrors?, and he would realize it.

''You know...i wanted to do it too, but never ask me to forget something that even you can't forget'' Seimei mutters with his eyes half closed.

''That make things difficult for me'' the blond puts a finger on his forehead. ''I guess we can start better'' continues, leaving his pride aside a little, even though deep down he didn't want to do it.

Seimei throws a snowball at him. ''This is for before!'' he exclaims, causing Pav to doing the same, at least in a reconciliation.

------------------------------------------------

❏ A little about the setting - comments i had left:

● Being a dream sequence, but who knows, maybe it's an alternate dimension in the past that mixes certain things that wouldn't make sense, plus the characters have a different age than in 1946.

● Congratulations, young Pav and young Seimei are playable (for now).

● You can only find Pav's village in ruins, not an experience like Prehevil, it's more limited, although there are enemies circulating.

● Even though it's a dimension, there are periods of morning, afternoon, night, midnight, depending on how long you stay.

● Can take a path into the forest, at a campfire you can build, but there's a chance that an enemy can catch you off guard.

● Hunting weapons, shotguns, bows and arrows, and other items for making torches can be found in the village.

● It is possible to freeze to death.

● Higher chances of dying in the forest at night and midnight.

● Time is indeterminate, contrary to the real world, the effects will be reversed when the stage is over.

● Even if it seems that there is peace in the desolate village, you can hear the screams of the people who suffered here. The burning smell, the ashes that mix with snow, echoes of voices that no longer exist.

-----------------------------------------------

✦ACT 4 // enemies (village - forest)

● Wolves are found in the forest at night and midnight. They are distracted with twigs or meat.

● Bremen Soldier (non ghoul), in their human appearance, are found in the village, some inside abandoned houses or exit paths. Both Pav and Seimei can threaten them in different ways, these guys usually let their guard down when they see their younger appearances.

● There are also some corpses of Bremen soldiers torn apart by wolves, found lying between the trees, they can be revived and recruited.

● Two Bremen elite trooper can be found patrolling during the afternoon hours in the village, if they are not eliminated before, they will not hesitate to attack you at any time.

● Headless wolves are found in the village at night and midnight. They are more aggressive than those with heads, Pav mentions not having found one in those places in his youth, only that he had heard legends so that no one would approach the forest.

● Three headed horse, before entering the village, you will meet a peculiar horse that has this appearance, lying in the snow with eyes open. A somewhat uncanny valley to see, but not so strange after the creatures that inhabit the world. This equine will get up to try to break your face or hit you with multiple limbs, running faster and emitting sounds of a man screaming in a heartbreaking way.

● An individual with an elongated appearance and hanging skin sneaks between the trees, with ribs that are noticeable, a face full of burns and welts, he is taller than an average human being, walking with a hunched back. Seeking to do everything possible to tear off first the arms and then the head for food purposes.

● Some corpses of the inhabitants can be found, if you don't pay attention, they will point at Pav throughout the journey, accusingly. Asking in unison: ''You became the man who tormented us and swore to destroy...why?''

● A hunter begins to chase you on the way to the forest, his laughter can be heard from afar. He will shoot from a distance, eager to place Pav and Seimei's head in his collection; wanting to keep the lungs. Curiously, if you interact with him during the battle, he will mention that he is looking for a creature that usually steals the lungs he collects. So if at least one death with the hunter is avoided, he will ask you to bring the head of this lung stealer.

● The only one known as The Lung Stealer, a creature that usually appears only in times of blizzard, with the appearance of a deer, two heads, four eyes and torso has human arms and hands. It seems that it is prone to eating the flesh of people, approximately young ones.

-------------------------------------------------

✦ACT 5 - Someone calls you

''Pav, are you here?...''

They can hear a woman's voice inside the house, Pav immediately approach to inspect around, it was dark, dusty, full of spider webs, behind the moldy table. Recognize that voice, lowering the shotgun with shaking hands, Seimei grabs his arm, having a bad feeling about this.

''Why didn't you save us?'' asks the voice of a man.

''Didn't you love us too much to save us?'' says the couple in unison, walking along the wall, in the form of a giant insect, emitting tarantula sounds. ''You're the monster, Pavel''

''Come on, but look who we have!, did you slow down this time, brat?''

A shadow appears through the light at the entrance of the house, a figure of Pav in his days as a lieutenant, mocking and pointing his pistol, changing his form to a Pav in the Kaiser's robes.

''You are not so different...from Kaiser, became the Empire's puppet, ate up all their propaganda shit and then you got that hands dirty, the eagle would sooner or later put worms in your brain, a weak move, boy!''

That had made him angry, all this made him, shooting the other's face apart, again and again until he was stained with blood. Seimei stops Pav when the body no longer moves, a machiavellian smile appears between the lips of the figure who was lying down, the golden robe and his unrecognizable face. Blood spilling everywhere, inside the house and outside in the snow, Pav remains paralyzed, with an expression of which he only looked at the void.

''Let's get out of here!'' Seimei shouts.

Noticing that he wasn't moving, Seimei grabs the shotgun, shooting, but without hitting the head or any weak point, at least the bullets had reached some parts of the creature's limbs, being able to slow it down.

''I was just doing what i thought was right, just wanted no one to go through what you went through...what i went through'' Pav murmurs, with his eyes open and looking at the ground.

Head down, blood stained all over his body. ''Is it too much, is it too much?'' asks.

Seimei, realizing that Pav was still in a trance, tries to aim again for a weak point, shooting the woman in the eye.

''That's not true, they wouldn't say those things!'' expresses, determined to end this once and for all.

Pav was hesitating whether to attack the creature. He could have done it with that strange Doppelganger, but he can't with that creature that whispers to him and reminds of a painful tragedy.

-------------------------------------------------

○ Mea Culpa: Consciousness Eater ○

-Insect like in appearance, the creature has the heads of Pav's parents, attack with scratches, causing Confusion, Poisoning, Fracture, Irritation, weakening the Mind bar, their attacks are more violent.

-There will be a point where they will start shooting bullets from one of the holes and poisoning.

-You can make them swallow bombs and explode their organs from within to weaken the enemy, only that they will regenerate again, so use other strategies that are favorable.

-It will start to release ash and toxic gas from its pores.

------------------------------------------------

Pav sighed, raising the pistol, trying not to break down again, shooting the head that played the man in the forehead and another bullet for the other female head. He began to be furious, attacking them in an aggressive way, realizing that these were not his real parents, but something darker that was hidden in his conscience, insecurities, torments that consumed and led him to corners of obsession, something that he found difficult to admit.

''So much talk, it makes me tired!'' Pav shouts, landing several attacks.

The creature dissolves, leaving only flesh, traces of spider webs, fungus and mold, with a bunch of tiny insects coming out from inside.

And then...everything goes dark.

It's time, open your eyes, Pavel.

[thosewildcharms]

AMEN TO ALL YOUR RECAP FROM EPISODE 3. So so amazing. I cannot wait for the crying, yelling and makeup loving in episode 4. I just saw a theory that had me freaked out a little. Saying the phones don't add up and that Judith is more grown up in the sketches could mean he took helicopters and kept an eye on them over the years?? And that the reference to Carl was actually RJ and that is why he couldn't get it quite right? I doubt that though. He has no idea about RJ. Secrets coming out?? ARGHHH I need to know! What do you think? Also, do you think there will be another season? I need them :'(

thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I think we're all excited for episode lol this show has me wishing away my saturdays smh

well. personally I don't think you need to be freaked out by that theory because (respectfully) I don't think it makes any sense lol. I'm putting this under a read more because It's gonna get kinda long

I don't really see what doesn't add up about the sketches, honestly? because I think the simplest/most logical explanation is likely the accurate one. rick is (painfully) aware of how much time is passing, so every time he asked for a new sketch he'd say how old judith would be at that time and the artist would have adjusted her appearance accordingly. as for carl - I did see one person say they thought the "not getting it right" line implied that rick was starting to forget what carl looked like, because it's been a while now since he died. I think that's plausible, but personally I think part of it is that a parent who loses a child never really stops grieving, and no sketch can ever live up to the memory of that child no matter how objectively accurate it is. maybe it's a little of both? either way, I don't think it's supposed to be RJ.

I think we have to consider that while rick was never ever gonna stop trying to get home to see his family ("I'm getting home or I'm dying. That's it.") okafor played the ultimate and final trump card when he told rick his family would die if he ever escaped the CRM and went back home. as we saw in 1x01, that was it - the lights went out, and rick basically immediately became suicidal because he knew that he would never, ever put them at risk, so his only option was to die (again, "i'm getting home, or I'm dying") and short of actually killing himself he decided to metaphorically die instead.

all of this is to say that everything we've seen from rick on screen since the end of the first episode specifically shows us that he is resigned to never seeing his family again. for a brief moment when okafor died rick thought he maybe had a chance again, especially with michonne there, only for jadis to show up immediately to remind him that she has the SAME trump card as okafor only worse because she set it up so that if she dies his family will be killed anyway. and his only goal at this point is making sure michonne gets out. there's no indication that he has ever set eyes on any of them.

but even just logistically like. do we think the CRM is letting rick 'cut my own hand off trying to escape' grimes fly a helicopter unsupervised? do we think CRM security is so lax that he'd be able to steal one? if it was, wouldn't that be the first thing he did to try to escape, once he enlisted? ALSO the first thing rick did after he and michonne reunited was ask if judith was alive. why would he ask if he already knew? like, he's shown to be pretty decent at lying under pressure but why would he lie to michonne, at that moment? like, I'm sorry this just does not track as a theory to me lol

as for a season 2. well, season 1 is doing extremely well so far, so it wouldn't be a matter of the network not wanting more seasons. I do think an issue would be danai's availability because her schedule is insane. personally, I have my own feelings about whether or not I even want a season 2, but I guess we just have to see what happens!

I hope this answered your questions :)

@ricksmarlene

[seeabout-afterdark09]

Keep The Family Close

Keep The Family Close

Drake (April 29, 2016)

I don't think I'll ever forget the first time I heard this song. It's just raw and painful.

Drake spends the entire song venting about his frustrations with someone he isn't close with anymore. If people had trouble figuring out who Drake was talking about in his other songs, he made damn sure to make the target for his message on this song was clear as day: Nicki Minaj. "All of my "let's just be friends" are friends I don't have anymore/How do you not check on me when things go wrong." Drake is taking shots at Nicki, bitterly commenting on how Nicki has put him in the friend zone. She's restricted them to "just" being friends, but in his time of need she isn't even there to support him. In his first verse Drake raps: "Always saw you for what you could've been/Ever since you met me." In one of his previous songs, Madonna, Drake raps "you could be big as Madonna, just get in the car and then let’s touch the road." This is a pattern for how Drake speaks on Nicki; he sees potential in her, massive potential. Not just for herself as an artist, but he sees massive potential in what their bond could be. How many times does he have to say he wants more from her, before he gets more from her? "And even when it's business with you it's personal again/I knew you before you made ends meet." Drake wants and has wanted to leave the friend zone so badly, but Nicki is too scared to give her all to him. But, these romantic feelings won't disappear just because Nicki wants them to. They just get pushed back until they bubble to the surface again when they work together, causing friction. In the bridge Drake sings: "And it's all because you chose a side/You're supposed to put your pride aside and ride for me." In Drake's eyes, Nicki was supposed to stick up for him even if she was dating Meek because he came first — their relationship came first no matter what.

The next verse is harsh. "You're so predictable I hate people like you/Kennedy Road taught me not to trust people like you." He didn't want to think Nicki would leave him out in the cold again, but she did. "How you supposed to figure out what I'm going through/You can't even figure out what's going on with you." Drake takes more emotionally charged shots, becoming upset at the thought that Nicki would know how to help him when she isn't even beside him anymore. She's a Chaser now. She's a party girl now. She's in love with gangsters now. Drake feels like Nicki can't speak to him, because she isn't even being true to herself right now. Next he says, "you judge me 'fore you met me yeah it figures." He is referring to the "brother" image Nicki used to give him. He was younger than her and used to be a child actor, so she saw him as just "goofy Drake". She didn't take his feelings seriously, chalking up all of his feelings to him having a crush on her.

In verse three he takes more shots at her: "You sit and you pray hoping that the stars align/My luck is a sure thing cause I'm living right/When I needed you, you couldn't give me any advice/But you always had something to say every other time." Nicki Minaj is a very spiritual person. Drake knows this and mocks her for "wishing for the best"; meanwhile success seems to fall in his lap without much effort because he lives to do right by his family. Nicki is betraying her family (Drake) by not living right (taking his side). He also mocks Nicki's more "preachy" habit, where she likes to Drake privately. Drake doesn't always ask for it, but she gives it anyways. But the one time he needs her by his side more than anything, she has no advice to give him. "Forgiveness for your ways/If I ever loved ya, I'll always love ya; that's how I was raised/Same way I'm right here still feeling the way." Ultimately, Drake wants to be able to forgive Nicki's inaction because he doesn't want to walk around resenting her. He's always loved her, and always will. Nothing will change that, but he's still pissed. He's still hurt.

[ciel-phantomhives-world]

My Rants about the 90s TV show Family Matters

I've recently just watched the entire sitcom "Family Matters" & I'm amazed (in a bad way) that when many of us, including myself, absolutely hate Laura, we r immediately referred to as "Myra Stans", but no honey. I haven't seen that many people talk about Laura's BS as much as they love to talk about Myra's red flags and now i just want to get it out of my chest.

I'm by no means what you would call a "Myra Stan" but i hate Laura from the bottom of my heart. Let me tell the reasons why. Many r too blind to see that this biatch is getting away by cheating on Stefan several times. When was cheating ok? And her excuse, u ask? Well, she said that she's confused and got feelings for both Stefan and Steve but is that a good reason to cheat? Absolutely effing not! There's never a good excuse for cheating and leading someone on. She's as horrible as her cheating brother. I thought she was a "goody two shoes", just like her dumb friends turn her out to be, at the beginning, that is. But all that changed, ever since i saw her begging Steve to be Stefan, as far as to ruin his transformation chamber, intentionally, so that Stefan could stay forever. She's shallow, conceited, selfish, fake victim and a gold digger. Why you ask she's a gold digger? Well, she once made a certain comment about how she would marry a guy who would buy her expensive jewelries.

Anyways, this show is my favorite and i admire the good lessons, humors, accepting yourself and loving urself as u r, wholesomeness but many things tried to sabotage this show a lot. I care about this show enough to actually criticize it . 🙂

Some examples include:

1) Harriet being played by a different actress right near the end of the series (believe me, it was so uncomfortable and weird for me to watch Carl kiss and hug a different woman that doesn't even look like harriet at all, even Reginald, Carl's actor, admitted that he felt weird and divorced),

2) then the writers actually took us, the audience, as a total fool, for thinking that we wouldn't notice that Judy disappeared (first, u bring one judy and then replace her with a different actress right after the first episode, but still that was fine by me, since it was only 1 pilot episode and we didn't get attached to that actress like Harriet or anything),

3) then you make richie be a toddler all of a sudden right after season 1 (which feels ridiculous). I know babies feel boring for the show but y bring a baby in the first place then.

4) then u show us Rachel being with one man for one episode and feeling guilty about dating ever since her husband died but again, like any typical sitcom, u make her date multiple guys from time to time without giving any logical explanation as to y did she break up with the first guy or the second, third, fourth and so on (Rachel did seem to have some chemistry with some of those guys too but every one of those guys appeared for only 1 episode ).

5) Next, you make Harriet's long lost dad appear for 1 episode and that's just it. Nobody ever felt the need to introduce him to the whole family or something, of course (and the show is supposed to be showing that family matters 🤦🏻‍♀️).

6) Eventually, u made everybody disappear (although Rachel and grandma appeared occasionally) and bring an annoying boring ass wannabe kid called 3J. Oh for the love of god, please 🙄😒. U removed judy, fired her because u couldn't have given her any sort of significant role and u thought that three's a crowd but yet u managed to add another male kid? It seems sexist to me, honestly, cuz apparently, all i saw was those stereotypical girls (Laura, Maxine )who r boy crazies, would be fine sucking any boy's lips, Maxine being that typical sitcom sidekick friend of the main character, having an obsessive stalker like myra and other than that, u had no idea of how to write that many female teens. It was either because u were stereotyping female teen characters or you were ignorant and lazy or u just didn't like judy at all to give her a different, non boy crazy role. On the contrary, look at how they made many male teen characters, there r a variety like Waldo (being a doofus yet skilled), Weasel, Eddie (being self centered, flirtatious and stupid), Steve (a nerd scientist) and so many more.

7) Also, they never gave any proper explanation as to y did Rachel left her son and went away, or y did Judy disappear (in my opinion, it would have been amazing if judy was kidnapped in s4 for being a cop's daughter and it was a real tragedy for the winslows but in S9, carl manages to finally find her and that would have been a way more amazing way to end the final season rather than that trash getting proposed by 2 guys). You never even seemed to give a proper excuse as to y did Waldo disappear. Ur just too good at making characters vanish from time to time. And yes, I absolutely despise 3j. He had no purpose in being there. It was stupid and annoying.

8) Did I forget to mention that how you ruined Steve character? And no, it's not because Steve became the main character but because of how he treated Myra. Hear me out. He did say at the beginning that if that "thing" ever feels the same way about him, then he's gonna ditch Myra, right at that moment. But, what type of a selfish, cold hearted absurd offer is that? It's like ur saying that I'm just gonna hang out with u, kiss u up until my crush loves me back cuz I'm lonely but if my crush ever return my feelings then I'm gonna ditch u right there, right then. And yes, Myra was insane enough to agree to that but deep down she thought that she could change his mind, which is not okay as well.

You see, it's not just that "offer" or "condition" that Steve offered but he was a cheater as well. Ugh. He was a cheater because he said that if his crush feels the same way, then he's gonna stop dating Myra right? But Steve was cheating way before his so called crush liked him back and he was already taken by Myra. In the prom, he was kissed by that snob and instead of pushing her away, he actually accepted it (even if that's ur crush kissing u, it was cheating nevertheless). It seemed like the writers had a fetish of putting Laura and Steve into compromising or any sort of situations together while make Myra have almost zero romantic moments with Steve where they r both enjoying each other's companion, mutually. Most of the moments we have from Steve and Myra r where Myra forcefully shoves her face down to Steve's throat, lol.

I could tell this right from season 1, that the writers decided to put Laura and Steve together as a couple no matter what (based on all the situations they were enjoying putting them into). You would have to be a dumbass if u actually got shocked that Laura liked Steve or something cuz certainly although there was no romantic tension between them but the forceful situations that they got themselves into was enough to make that happen.

Anyways, Laura kissed Steve while she was under the influence of love potion, alcohol but did he ever said anything about being taken by Myra or being faithful? Well, no, absolutely effing not. He also got kissed by that french girl but even then he didn't push her away and he literally forgot Myra's name. Ouch. All I'm saying is this series highlights many issues on the surface but has a serious problem of normalizing infidelity.

We r supposed to be believing that Steve is not perfect but has a heart of gold but how can we do such when we have seen him break multiple stuff, and isn't that much sincerely apologetic or anything, for most of the time, then even more importantly, being a cheater. Remember, once Steve was dating another girl, back in season 2, well, what did he do that time? That time, instead of being disloyal, he introduced the girl to some hot guy and then the girl left him. Well that's way more better than the way he treated Myra who was so much into him for himself, his personality, attire and Hobbies. Plus, he was so manipulative cuz everytime he broke something, screwed up, instead of properly apologizing and being humble, he would just use some sad pitiful words with the cute puppy eyes and expect the Winslows to forgive him, everytime and if they (Carl) didn't then he would often challenge Carl to a fight or something. And also, Steve was a hypocrite for being pissed at Myra while he himself stalked the Winslows for so many years, even as far as to go in their bedrooms! (and I'm aware that Myra was a bit more extra, didn't respect his personal boundaries but still, he was a stalker too but it's ok for him to do such since apparently he was a main character. ) Ok, well, enough about Steve.

9) Now, the tramp, Laura. Well, what can I say. I just don't know that what did Steve see in her. She's so basic, manipulative little piece of shit. I don't usually hate characters that much to actually write about my hatred on the internet but gosh she makes me sick. Now she was ok in s1, s2 and I still didn't like her at that time but I also didn't hate her but then I started to hate her ever since the Stefan thing happened. She's pathetic. Her character got ruined as well, thanks to the writers.

You see, I lost my patience when I saw her cheating on Stefan with Curtis while Stefan was working and her telling Harriet that she's not gonna be hurt for being a slut and cheating on 2 guys. Like really? That's the first thing that comes to ur mind? Sorry sis, but ur sick. It would have still been fine if u were a kid but no u were about 18 or 19 years old. Steve went through so much to give u a boy toy but u can't even be faithful to him and then all you can think of when being confronted is that u r not gonna be hurt. Talk about falsely victimizing urself. And the fact that she even said yes to Stefan's proposal at Disney world (that may have happened when she was a teen) but the least u could do is be faithful if ur not gonna actually marry him, duh.

She broke up with Ted cuz he complimented/ flirted with another girl. And that's cheating in her eyes. Well then what was she doing with Curtis, Stefan and Steve? And also why didn't she get the karma of being confronted and y didn't every boy that she ever used just ditch her right at the spot? Talk about hypocrisy and main character pros.

Also, she wasn't just a cheating slut but also a very bad friend. She often treated Maxine like trash even though Maxine treated her so good. Once Maxine warned her about a guy who only dates girls for sex and Maxine, herself, dated that guy, once. Yet that conniving bitch didn't bother to believe her, brushed her aside, made her feel like she's nuts, didn't care about her feelings and then saw it happen right then. I mean, it happened in s2. Imagine how mature Maxine was for that age of not being jealous of ur so called best friend dating ur ex and instead give her advice for her wellbeing. And what does this bitch do as an adult? She fights with Maxine cuz Maxine was dating her ex boy toy, Curtis, ridicules Maxine's ambition of being a beautician. Again, an egoistic hypocrite. Also remember how many times, she told Myra that she's her friend, well, which "friend" makes out with their friend's boyfriend while they are still dating each other? She also assured Myra that she's never gonna have romantic feelings for Steve, but lookie here. Not only did she have feelings but she made Steve break up with Myra. Not defending what Myra did, but her fear of losing Steve and going through extreme measures to make sure that it doesn't happen was really reasonable and understandable, especially when Steve started to live with that bitch and everything. I can't blame Myra for being so insecure cuz guess what, eventually, her fears did come true, unfortunately when she was not even being a psycho (back in the prom) and behind her back. 😢

Laura may have good sides (like the times, she stood up for Steve, being patient with Steve although he was being an obsessive stalker, help Maxine once when she was dating a drug dealer in s9) but it's as the saying goes " everybody has some good traits". So, she may had those good traits but that didn't make her an overall good person. Also about the drug dealing bf, I think the writers were just running out of ideas and that's y they thought of repeating that same type of plot from s2 (where Maxine warns about the guy who dates girls for sex) with boring lame S9 (where Laura warns Maxine about an older dude who sells drugs).

10) now about Eddie Winslow. Well, he, like many other characters didn't have that much of a character development. He was always selfish, shallow, surrounded himself with any random pretty girls, had no sense of loyalty or self awareness whatsoever, always got himself into some big troubles for how much stupid and naive he was, was very easy to manipulate and couldn't make time for his dad, many times, apparently cuz of how much "busy" he was despite being a weak student. I got nothing to say about him except him wanting to be a police officer was so fuckin forced. There was no development for that interest whatsoever. Once, back in s1 or s2, Carl decided to take Eddie with him and show him how police force works or something like that. But he didn't go. It was Steve as usual who went (I also felt like the writers wanted to make Carl be close to Steve than his own freaking THREE kids!). Well that's the only thing we know of Eddie ever being close to be a cop and he wasn't interested at all.

When he said that he didn't know what he wants to do with life, in s9, it felt so relatable for me. I also don't have any goals, am 20 years old, still going to boring college, not performing well as I did back in O levels, and have no friends or anything. So for me, it was a slap in the the face when I saw Eddie suddenly thinking that he's gonna be a cop just by thinking about it for 1 night. And the fact that he just started being a cop and yet got shot immediately cuz apparently the fake Harriet was scared that he might get hurt.

All I'm trying to say is that whenever someone warns someone else about something in this series, it just literally actually happens to them right after a few minutes which makes it boring and very predictable.

11) whatever happened to Rachel's place and Steve and Laura working there? It Was never answered. Whatever happened to lieutenant murtaugh? He was a funny good looking guy, in my eyes. I missed him so bad ever since he left and Weasle. Lieutenant was way better than that boring old captain savage or that other old dude, commissioner. Another thing was, Carl was never developed as a character as well. He was always hot tempered, which is ok but also sexist and it remained that way till s9, like come on. Also what happened to Stefan after he proposed that bitch for the second time? Like where did he go without proper confrontation?

12) Stefan character was so boring. I wish we didn't see him at all or if we did, then we saw him only once and not that many times cuz it took all the amusement of watching a nerd turn into a hot guy. We should also note that Stefan, like any other humans, do have flaws, so saying that he's selfish and that's y whatever that bitch Laura did to him was ok is actually never ok. He deserved someone way better than that trainwreck. Also, remember that Stefan is not a normal human but a clone of Steve, an experiment and so he's supposed to be having way more flaws than a normal person but alas, we saw none of that.

All we know is that he was self centered at first but then Steve fixed him and then he just became a one dimensional character who can only sweet talk people, do cool stunts, recite romantic poems and overall be a lover boy. He could be narcissistic or even be a womanizer and cheat on Laura's back while he was modelling. He could also be workaholic but we barely saw any flaws ever since Steve "fixed" him. He did say though that he's not gonna leave Laura ever again after coming back to her (although it was her who insisted that he pursues his career) from France and being fired from his job but yet he went to Italy. See, I really hate inconsistencies. So, that lie is supposed to be his flaw or was making a simple deal with Myra was his flaw? Who knows. But I definitely am not fond of this character, however, I don't hate him and he certainly didn't deserve all that.

13) Myra didn't deserve that treatment but she wasn't a good girl either. She was infact a psycho and I'm not defending any of these female characters. I only love Harriet, Estelle and Rachel (gotta love Rachel's beautiful voice).

Look, I have to give credit where it is due. So, I give it to the writers for showing us the early red flags that Myra had from the very beginning which eventually led up to the events in s9. But still I feel like things were a bit blown out of proportion or got far fetched.

She did have stalking behavior developing as she got older but we also saw that she was trying to befriend Laura and got stabbed in the back. Laura and Steve kissed multiple times but did she know anything about it. Absolutely no. They never told her anything. Two cheaters flocking together. Steve was kissed by a french girl without his consent but he enjoyed it and accepted it and forgot about Myra. Well, did he ever told that story to myra? Absolutely fuckin not. No wonder she went psycho and put a cam on his glasses. Her sudden extreme personality seemed like an exaggeration, even more, since she started to trust Steve and be a bit more less of a stalker ever since that nude art incident. But yeah, that girl got no self respect since she accepted the condition for dating Steve even though she was obviously not ok with it. I would have loved it if at the end Myra and Stefan dated each other or something.

14) last but not least, this series highlights many important issues like drinking, drugs, gang, gambling, racial issues, coercion, peer pressure and so many other stuff but it also portrayed many harmful stuff in a positive way.

For starters, one of them being, you stalking ur crush and helping them would mean that even if it takes years, still they r gonna fall for you. That's a very harmful message. In reality, most of the time, nobody's crush r gonna return their feelings. You trying too hard to impress them, be on their best side is either going to end up with you being used and taken advantage of and being hurt or you being miserable since ur crush barely know that u even exist and r in love with someone else.

I would have loved it if this happened: if Steve was just single at the end of the series. He dumps Myra for being obsessive psycho and maybe that other bitch Laura may come back crawling to Steve but by that time, Steve had already moved on. He was happy being single and he wants nothing to do with Myra and just be friends with Laura. Nothing more than that. Steve realizes that he's too good to love and take someone who rejected him for years and only came back because they got no better boy toy. Steve realizes his worth, he self improves himself not for being more desirable by women but just for himself. He also never cheated on any women he dated, which was mostly one woman and that's Myra. I've seen many say that Myra should have Steve since she accepts him as his true self but she also didn't allow him to breathe, so I don't think accepting someone for themselves is everything that matters.

Another thing I hated and didn't find funny at all was how Steve's parents treated him. We don't see them, again a common thing that happens to certain characters in any sitcoms, but they did abuse him, left him all alone and then we hear a stupid laughing track everytime he mentions something awful that his parents did to him.

All in all, I really loved Steve, at least at the beginning but after seeing him being disloyal but not held accountable in any form, I don't know anymore. I wanted to love him. He's too funny and cute but writers destroyed him and made him whiny and annoying. I hate the writers so much for these drastic changes and decisions. The ratings decreased for a reason. It was their lazy ass's faults. Not jaleel white's or any other actors' fault for that Matter. Jaleel white pulled out so many characters in 1 series and made it seem effortless. I love that guy. He's super talented and I love Jo Marie's sassiness and that savage strong voice. All the actors and actresses did a wonderful job. But not the producers, writers, studios, whatever. I blame them for creating tension between jaleel and other cast mates and the declination of the plot. I, myself came up with Many interesting things that they could do for s9, so obviously they could as well, if not better but they didn't care enough to do such. They really didn't seem to give a fuck about the audience anyways. Since they were ignorant, they could simply stop and end the series while it was still in it's prime like end it after s6 or s7. Anyhow, I just felt like ranting cuz I love this series (at least the first 8 seasons) but not that many characters in it and mainly because I hate inconsistencies and all.

[lavenderplain]

Holy SHIT, this was really stressful to come up with. Anyway, here is my version of Cleo for my own Monster High story that is more for a PG rated audience. My plan of theme that I have in mind was Egypt-futurism, and I couldn't find any goddamn references, So I unfortunately had to come up with one based on digital paintings of cities and the goddamn pyramids to get my brain going. But, yeah, this is the best that I can come up with.

Anyway, I gave Cleo some bangs and a bob cut to really fit the Egyptian mood. I gave her a eye of Horus tattoo around her left eye, it also glows when she is using her powers (I will get to that). Gave her a necklace like accessories that I saw a couple pictures of in real ancient Egypt jewelry, shoulder plates to try and fit the futuristic part that I have in my head, a long dress with a loincloth in it, slip on shoes and bandages on her lower arms and legs to show that she's a mummy.

Since she is an undead monster, I was kinda wondering how a mummy can become an undead monster. I did some research and with my understanding, only the heart is kept inside the body because it was needed to make it to the afterlife to be judged or something like that. So I imagine her and her family's hearts were removed as punishment for a bit too arrogant. I imagine that she needs her organs close to her to survive this curse. So I imagine she and her sister Nefera have special suitcases with them that they bring with them no matter what, and if they are 22 ft away from their suitcases, they will pass out and have a time limit of 72 hours to bring back their suitcases to either of them or they will cease to exist. But on the bright side, her and her sister's have the powers of necromancy, bandage manipulation, desert magic and immortality. And because of this curse, I believe Cleo to be the spoiled sweet. Trying to improve herself and break free from this curse and prove that she can change. While her sister is the typical spoiled brat. Cleo is considered the most popular girl in Monster High, oh, forgot to mention, her and Nefera have an ugly rivalry because of their different views on the curse and from how they view others. I imagine she met Frankie after Cleo came back from being sick and discovered that Frankie was originally and is willing to help Frankie learn more about the world they're in, learn how to become a monster and discover her past life no matter what. And because of her being sympathy towards Frankie and is willing to help her get through everything, Cleo became a new member of the Boo Crew.

If you have better ideas on the design, let me know cause again, I was REALLY struggling with this one.

[ruthlessreality]

Bad Child: pt 1 (TW!)

I accept this title. In the eyes of my parents, I have and always will be the bad child. I was always told by them that they should have forfeited the whiskey and bought condoms instead. My name growing up was hardly ever my legal name, "Dumbass" was what I was referred to. I was never physically abused, but emotionally and mentally I was. Neglected? Absolutely. They didn't believe me when I said I couldn't see or that my chest hurt constantly, and so it took until adulthood for me to be diagnosed with a degenerative eye disease and a serious heart condition. I can remember times I was forbidden from clothes and forced to wear one outfit for weeks at a time, leading to my being bullied in school, which was still a sanctuary for me compared to my own home. Crying wasn't allowed. Being mad wasn't allowed. Being anything other than happy wasn't allowed because, to them, as long as they weren't beating the hell out of me, they were winning at this whole parenthood thing.

Dad was a drug user and dealer and seriously addicted to gambling. We moved a lot because he either pissed off the wrong person or he lost all of our rent money at the poker table. I can remember a period of time he bet what was suppose to be money for our utilities. He lost and we were without power and water for weeks. No showers and canned beans for dinner. It was my job to bag up their literal shit and throw it out. It was my job to walk a few miles up the road with empty milk gallons and fill it them with water from the gas station. I was 11.

Mom, well she's the type to stand by her man no matter the situation. The Bible says the order of obedience is God first, spouse, and then children after all. That's what she would tell me anyways. She smiled always and told us we were loved. Shit's hard to believe when I was constantly being ridiculed and humiliated by one parent and the other was never brave enough to say "this is not okay." She did try to leave once, I was 6 I think. She came into my bedroom late one night, crying, having just had a brawl with my father. She had me hide the car keys and begged me not to tell him where they were, no matter what he did or said. As I typed that last bit out, I realize she wasn't trying to leave, she was trying to get him to stay.

I began self harming around 12 years old. When they found out, their response was to lock me in my room. They didn't believe in mental health or therapy after all. Needless to say we didn't discuss it. Or much of anything that really mattered. I grew into a rebellious teen. Drugs became an escape. And after my accidental overdose, I was court ordered to a facility. I loved it there.

That's weird right? That someone could find happiness locked up? But I did. I may have only been permitted to stand in the sun an hour a week, living with a bunch of other fked up detoxing teenagers, but it quickly became home. My dad stopped talking to me. I was "seeking attention" and "making him look bad." My mom wrote to me in the beginning. She even came and saw me for a home visit. Only I wasn't allowed to go home. Dad said no. So we had lunch at a park nearby before she sent me back.

I was there for 10 months. 4 months longer than what I was suppose to be because my parents temporarily lost custody of me. They refused to take part in individual or family therapy. They never called. Mom stopped writing and ignored every home visit I was allowed. They essentially gave up one me, so a Judge ordered me to stay despite having completed my treatment until my parents decided I could come home again. I was 16.

And shit only got worse from there...but wtfe, right? At the time, I thought every lived the way I did. I thought everything was completely normal.

[satanfemme]

hey. i'm thinking of doing my top too but i am: scared and also: worried. how did u know you wanted it?

As a heads up, I'm gonna give you a different answer than what most other trans men are going to tell you about top surgery. ime, most men describe it as necessary, to relieve painful dysphoria, etc. which I'm sure are reasons you've heard before! but just know going into this response that ur gonna get something a lil unusual! thank u

so at the time I received top, I was 18-19 (decided I wanted to go forward it at 18, received it 2 months into being 19), tho ofc I'd already fantasized about it for years at that point too. I also identified as "just" nonbinary at that point, preferred they/them pronouns, and wanted to be fully androgynous in a genderless sort of way.... ironic considering how androgynous in a gender-FULL way I am now hdfjhgdfgfg. but! importantly, I also didn't experience dysphoria!!!!! + I still don't!

I did experience "social dysphoria", but since this was fully in relation to how others were treating me, rather than my actual body or some kind of internal angst, I never felt comfy calling it dysphoria. this is especially relevant in the case of surgery ofc, because I never had a moment where I saw my breasts pre-top and felt miserable over them or anything. no crying in the mirror moments for me, not over this, sorry. like, I've joked on here before about how I prefer being topless/nude whenever in private? well this was completely true pre-top as well, I was constantly tits out a lot of the time and this simply wasn't a problem for me. ffs I was too lazy to bind at ALL in the months leading up to my surgery, and didn't own bras post-middle school. so I was literally counting down the days til my breasts would be removed, while also just kinda letting them do whatever they wanted under my shirt anyway cause I couldn't be bothered. my "problem" with them was only that others would misgender me, whether they knew my pronouns/gender or not. so I wanted to find ways to masculinize myself somewhat, top surgery was one of those ways.

but that's only half the reason ofc! when I refer to transition related surgery as "plastic surgery" I'm only half kidding, because tho I know most others wouldn't label it that way, this is genuinely how I see it personally. idk whether or not I'd have gone thru with it just for strangers to read me a certain way, but it doesn't matter cause in reality a lot of my motivation was internally driven.... in that: I thought it'd look cute 💁‍♂️. u know when you're a kid and you imagine your ideal adulthood self? for me I would imagine a very genderless body, while I played with gothic fashion over it. wrt the former I'd imagine a flat chest, no visible genitalia under my bush, a general twink-y look. and I even briefly considered not getting nipple grafts, to contribute to this fully neutrois, almost inhuman, aesthetic. (my primary gender identities at the time were "neutrois" and "angel" to give u a better taste of the vibes here). but like I said, this wasn't in any way an angst to me, but rather thoughts I had in the same vein as when people casually wish their jawline was a "better" shape, their hair was shinier, or that they had a different eye color or something. u know what I mean? in some ways, I was even a little sad about losing my breasts (pre-top, never post), because I thought they were very cute too! just not cute for my ideal persona 🤷‍♂️.

anyway those were my two reasons, which in my mind at the time weren't even "how do I know I want it" as much as "lol I want it". and I type this out in so much detail on purpose cause like... so much has changed for me since then! I no longer care how others gender me 90% of the time (the exceptions are when my bio family does it, or if I feel the need to be stealth out of safety, like in men's rooms or prev workplaces). I also have a completely different view of my gender now! I'm a femme man :-) I'm still nonbinary, but not in the sense that I'm "neutral". rather, in the sense that I'm everything when I want to be :-)!!! in the years since my top surgery, I've also realized I have DID and psychosis, which greatly influence my gender, and basically guarantee that it'll continue to change over time.

and to conclude: I don't regret the surgery at all!! I LOVE having top surgery I LOVE having stretched out DI scars and I LOVE my hyperpigmented scarred nipples and I LOVE being flat! to be frank, I made this decision as a fucked up and impulsive teenager in the midst of a psychotic episode, with 0 self awareness nor even the healthy amount of pre-surgery anxiety/contemplation -- AND IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS OF MY LIFE! I don't know if these anecdotes help you, and I can not decide for you whether you "should" get top surgery or not. but these are the realities of my transition, and I like being able to offer this perspective for anyone who doesn't connect with the stereotypical ones. cause in my mind, after seeing both "sides" of our oppression claim that you can't make these decisions while mentally ill, or you can't make these decisions on frivolous impulse, or you can't make these decisions when young - lest you regret it for the rest of your life - the heart of my story here is truly "fuck that -- BODY AUTONOMY FOR ALL!"

and I'm very proud of that :-)

[smoochkooks]

—christmas cream(pie) ; (m.)

⟶ pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

⟶ genre: established relationship, smut, fluff

⟶ word count: 3.6k

⟶ summary:  a day before christmas dinner with your boyfriend's parents, you discover another alternative way to use the chocolate cream you’re making. jungkook is more than willing to indulge in your little fantasy.

⟶ warnings: explicit sexual content, food play, finger-sucking, spit kink, dirty talk, oral (f) receiving, slight choking but nothing too extreme, unprotected sex, creampie, jungkook being the sweetest boyfriend on the earth and your emotional support, tooth-rooting domestic fluff:(

a/n: hi!! this is my little christmas present for you. hope you enjoy what my brain came up with yesterday<3 ps. i also dont know what kind of fic title this is.

Christmas secure a top spot on your own self-made list of holidays. You enjoy practically every aspect of it. The food, decorating your house, songs, movies, the whole magical aura of warmth and love – you name it.

But this year though, you're fiddled with anxiety because it's the first time you're going to celebrate with your boyfriend Jungkook and his parents.  

You've been dating for two lovely years, living in a shared apartment for almost six months but somehow you've never spent any major holiday together. Until now, it actually felt like a step bigger than moving in. Choosing to be with your families and celebrate separately was never an issue for both of you.

And foolishly, you thought this year would be no like the other, that you'll kiss your sweet boyfriend goodbye before Christmas Eve and reunite after the whole shenanigans would end. But to your surprise, Jungkook had different plans for you.  

“Y-your parents did what?”  

“They invited us for a Christmas dinner.” he repeated calmy, completely unfazed by the pure shock marring your features.

He was sprawled on the couch, hair messy and falling onto his forehead because he had been avoiding barbershops lately (it wasn’t like you minded it–if anything, it made him look even sexier). He was wearing your favorite pair of sweats that had a soy sauce stain on the left knee and a simple black t-shirt, yet for you he looked like an angel sent from the above and devil reincarnated at the same time. So deliciously domestic and soft it almost made you wanna jump him right here and there, if it wasn't for the more nagging matters that you had yet to discuss with him.  

“But,” you stuttered, brain too consumed by nerves to help you formulate coherent sentences. “I was visiting your parents in Busan over summer.”  

“Yeah, but it's been a while and they really want to see you again,” he said, raising from his spot. He came up to you, his tall, lean body towering over your form. The moment you saw his sparkly doe eyes boring holes into yours, you knew you were approximately twenty seconds from giving in. “Pretty please.” he tried again, palms cupping your flushed cheeks until you had no choice but to agree.  

“Okay.”  

Jungkook grinned in response and leaned to press a chaste kiss onto your lips. “Love you, baby.” He tasted like spicy noodles and soda but you ignored it, mustering a small smile.  

“Love you too.” you said, always meaning those three little words because truly, you could never resist Jeon Jungkook and his charms. He had you wrapped around his finger more than you'd ever admit and you'd simply do anything to make him happy, even if that meant stressing over a Christmas dinner with his parents.  

“They really like you, ___. You have nothing to worry about.” Jungkook murmured upon kissing your nose, and then forehead. “My mom is already so excited to see you. She said she would make an apple pie because you once mentioned you liked it.”

You leaned into his touch, slightly less angry you had been surprised with a revelation like that but at the same time still apprehensive and filled with nerves. “You aren't making this easier, you know?” you asked.  

Jungkook sent you an apologetic smile. “You're amazing, baby. You don't need to convince my parents again that you're the right person for me,” he said, hands finding purchase on your waist and pulling you closer to him. “All you have to do is smile and compliment my mom's cooking skills. And maybe ask dad about fishing. You know he's been crazy about it lately.”

Easier said than done, you thought to yourself. Jungkook was a natural when it came to bewitching people. Your parents adored him because he knew all the right words to make them fall for his charms. He didn’t have to try hard or pretend to be someone else in order to be accepted as their daughter’s partner.  

You, on the other hand, were on a different side of the spectrum. No matter how many times Jungkook reassured you of your worth, you still had a lot of insecurities to deal with. That was just who you were as a person. Maybe it was why you clicked so well together. You needed someone to be your second Sun.

“You got his.” With a final kiss onto the crown of your head, Jungkook left you standing in the middle of the living room, and all you could think about was a fricking apple pie and finding new ways to impress your boyfriend's parents. 

Hence way you're currently in the kitchen, blender in your right hand as you mix the ingredients for the most extra chocolate cake you've ever made, determination written all over your features like you’re competing in the final Bake Off episode.

And why is that? Because your brain couldn't let you sleep peacefully at night if you didn't decide to bake your own cake for Jungkook's mother. It started innocently, slowly getting information out of your boyfriend about his parents' favorite food. Of course, you had to be clever about it, so he wouldn't suspect anything too early into the game. That's why after asking a round of rather specific questions you lured him into a blowjob because you know he usually loses his goddman mind after a good dick sucking.  

Content with your plan, you're now a day before the Christmas dinner, Jungkook's mother's beloved cake almost ready to be put into the oven.

“Babe, I'm home!” you hear Jungkook calling from the corridor. You sent him to do some (un)necessary grocery shopping so you could have a time for yourself to prepare the cake without him looking over your shoulder and analyzing your every move. You really hate when people do that because you’re more likely to screw something when you’re being watched.

“Let me taste it then,” he says, grabby hands reaching for the bowl but you quickly swat them away.  

“I'm here!” you shout back, unplugging the blender once you're satisfied with your chocolate cream.  

“What is the smell?” Jungkook asks, entering the kitchen. “Oh,” he quips, placing grocery bags on the floor. “You made this?”  

“Mhmm,” you hum, dipping a finger into the bowl and then putting it into your mouth. It tastes good, not too sweet but at the same time it still has a strong chocolate flavor. Perfect.

“Wash your hands first.”  

“Wait,” You can almost hear the gears shifting in his brain. His grip on your waist tightens as you desperately try to stifle the laugh babbling in your throat. “This is my mom's favorite cake.” 

Jungkook dramatically salutes you, even though you see him smirking under his breath. Once his hands are all clean and dry, you feel his arms encircling your body from the back. “Is this for me?” he murmurs, obviously referring to the cake.

“Nope. It's for tomorrow's Christmas dinner.” 

That’s why you break into a smile, pulling him for a quick peck. “You can taste my cream now.” you say.  

“Great observation.”

“And you said you were making it for the Christmas dinner,” Jungkook continues, “Which means you did this purposely.” he finishes, twirling your body so you're now facing him.  

“You said she would make me an apple pie so I thought I could reciprocate the kindness and do the same,” An innocent smile tugs at your lips. “Besides, the more food the better.” 

Jungkook snorts. “So here's why you were asking me all those weird questions lately.”

Your eyes widen. “You paid attention to that?”

“Babe, I might be a simple man who enjoys seeing his girlfriend sucking his dick but it doesn't mean I don't listen to you,” he says, sounding slightly offended but you know that deep down he's amused by the whole situation. “You didn't have to do that, you know?”  

You let out a long sigh. “I know but... I just felt so weird. Your parents are so happy to see us, they are doing all those preparations and I couldn't stop thinking about doing something to impress them in return,” you murmur. “So they wouldn't think it preparing a whole celebratory dinner for their son and his girlfriend was actually pointless.” you add in a smaller voice, dropping your head down.   

“Baby,” Jungkook coos, fingers grasping your chin so you could look him in the eye again. “You're an amazing person. My parents know that too. You don't have to prove them your worth. Ever.”  

His words make you relax visibly. You don’t know what you would do if you didn’t have Jungkook by your side. He’s just being himself, showing you his extremely caring side as he usually does when you feel down but somehow you’re more thankful for this now.

You dip your index finger into the cream. Then, making sure his eyes are trained on your face, you bring your finger up and envelop with your lips, purposely sucking on it obscenely. “Mmm,” you nothing but moan. “It’s really good.”

“That sounded awfully sexual.”  

“No, it did not! You're just perverted.” 

“But you love me anyway, don't you?” 

You snort at his stupid remark. Suddenly, a not-so-innocent idea pops in your mind and you wonder who’s actually the one with more inappropriate thoughts running through their head. Jungkook might enjoy teasing you on daily basis, but a girl can have her fun too, right?  

Jungkook's eyes darken seeing your little stunt you’ve decided to pull today. He bites the inside of his cheek, before saying,”’I know what game you’re playing.”  

“I’m not doing anything.” you respond, feigning innocence. Before you can dive for more cream, Jungkook grabs your wrist and stops you.  

Bingo.  

When he takes his two fingers and plunges them into the cream, you know exactly what’s coming next, the adrenaline and excitement pumping through your veins. He brings his fingers up towards your face and you have to fight an urge to stay still, waiting for his instructions like the good girl you obviously are. “Open up, baby.”  

You oblige immediately, mouth falling open and tongue out. He pushes his fingers inside, sweet, chocolate cream filling your taste buds. “Suck.” he says simply, eyes fixated on your lips. You do it without a second thought, swirling your tongue around his digits and making sure to lick every last drop of the substance.  

When he decides he can't take it anymore, he pulls his fingers out of your mouth and before you can even blink, he crashes his lips onto yours; fast, messy and unforgiving, thrusting his tongue inside to play with yours. His motives are clear: you aren’t leaving the kitchen without getting properly fucked.  

“So sweet,” he murmurs against your lips, the hand around your waist pulling you flush against him. “My cute girlfriend thought she could tease me and get away with it.”  

He bites onto your lower lip as to prove his point and you whimper. “It’s not like that,” you manage to say, grinding yourself against the evident bulge in his pants. “I didn’t expect to get away with it.”  

Jungkook's hands travel to the backs of your thighs and he lifts you up effortlessly, placing you on the counter. You’re sure there are traces of flour still on it but you couldn’t care less right now, not when a pair of hands roughly nudges your legs apart so he could stand in between them.

“So you did it purposely,” Jungkook leaves your mouth in favor of tracing kisses down your neck. Careful not to marry your skin with hickeys because you would beat the shit out of him if he did bruise your neck a day before the dinner with his parents. “Naughty girl.” He punctuates his statement with a bite to your earlobe, his next words being whispered directly into your ear. “What should I do with you, then?”  

You whimper, your thighs pressing together just hearing the tone of his voice. You lace your fingers through the locks at the back of his hair and place a kiss against his lips. “Fuck me?” you ask in a saccharine-sweet tone.  

He chuckles in response, fingers grasping your t-shirt and pulling it off you, revealing your bare chest to his hungry eyes. He wastes no time and latches his mouth onto a nipple but as soon as his tongue meets your hardened bud, he retreats. Confused, you watch as he reaches for the bowl once again and dips his fingers into the cream. He then smears it all over your nipples, a proud smirk caught on his lips when he leans back to admire his art work.  

“Kook,” you mewl, too pathetically for your liking and you know how much it’ll stroke his ego. “Please, touch me.” you plea, one of your hands reaching to pull him closer to you.

“Yeah?” His chuckle is almost sinister. “Look at you, all dirty and begging me so nicely. Not that smart with your mouth now, are you?”  

All you manage is a nod and meek “Please,” that quickly morphs into a drawn out moan when he finally dips his head to suck your nipple into his hot mouth. You never could have guessed that the idea of food play would be so arousing to you but here you are, pussy clenching around nothing when your sweet boyfriend licks chocolate cream off your boobs.

When he’s done and satisfied with the result, he grabs your sweatpants and pulls them down along with your underwear in one go, your bare ass meeting with the cold marble of your kitchen counter. Jungkook wastes no time and spreads your legs apart, not giving you a second to shy away from his burning gaze before he dives in to lick a stripe up your slit.  

You cry out in pleasure when his tongue finds your clit and gives it a sharp suck, his hands grabbing your ankles and bending your knees so he could have a full access to your glistening core. You’re absolutely drenched, dripping down your thighs and making a mess on Jungkook's face but he doesn’t mind it a bit, eating you out like a champ you know he is.  

“So wet,” he rasps against your cunt. “Messy girl.”

To make matters worse (or better) he takes his sweet time and lets a glob of his spit mix with your arousal because Jungkook, much like you, enjoys giving a head more than anything in the world and makes it his priority to see you lose it on his tongue. You’re positive you will come like this if he keeps continuing abusing your clit just right. He knows your pussy like the back of his hand. Knows what makes you keen, how to make you eyes roll to the back of your head. It fuels his ego to see you like this; helpless and utterly devoted to the pleasure and you don’t even mind when he brags about it later. How could you if you benefit so much from it?  

Suddenly, he grunts into your cunt and your brows furrow because it’s not the sound you’re used to hearing during sex. You look down to check what’s wrong but he’s already up and in level with your eyes, a sheepish smile adoring his features.  

“Neck cramp,” he explains, his palm massaging the back of his neck. “Eating pussy is easier on the bed.” You can’t help but giggle, replacing his hand with yours and providing him a temporary relief. “I’m sorry. Were you close?” he asks. 

There he is. Your sweet, caring boyfriend who never forgets to ask for consent before railing you into the mattress and always putting your pleasure before his own.  

“Mhmm,” you hum, grasping his t-shirt and lifting it off his body. It should be considered a sin to look like this, you think to yourself. “But I want to come on your cock instead.”  

Jungkook grins, quickly pulling down his pants and underwear. His cock slaps against his stomach, pride swelling in your chest because you know you can make him this hard without your touch. “How do you want it?” he asks, guaranteeing himself a moment of relief when he gives his cock a few pumps, spreading precum all over his length.

“Like that,” you answer, gesturing at your current position on the counter. “Wanna see you.”  

“Anything for my pretty girl.”  

If you weren't already red, you would have blushed at his cute words. The sentiment doesn’t last long though, your face twisting in ecstasy when he lines himself up with your entrance and starts pushing inside, the stretch deliciously burning. “Oh my god, Kook,” you whimper, hand clutching onto his biceps for support. “So big. You feel so good.” He groans, slithering himself deeper. His forehead rests onto yours, few ragged breaths before you murmur, “You can move.”

He sets a punishing pace from the beginning, fucking you hard and fast; wet, slapping noises filling the kitchen. You’re a blubbering mess, moaning incoherently as he splits your pussy open, thrust after thrust. “Yeah, fucking take it,” Jungkook rasps, grabbing your hips even harder, no doubt leaving there marks. “Cream my cock like a good girl.”  

You mewl in response, your eyes focusing on his parted lips. “J-jungkook,” you stutter, head completely deprived of rational thoughts. “Spit in my mouth.” It’s almost a breathless plea on your tongue.  

He curses, his right hand squeezing your cheeks. “Open.” You do it right away, nearly moaning when he purses his lips and spits, eyes almost bulging out of his head when he sees you swallow it greedily. “Dirty fucking girl.” he growls.

“B-but you love it, right?” you whimper, eyes glossy because he's hitting that spot inside your pussy that makes your toes curl. “L-love when I’m like this just for you.”  

“Fuck, yeah I do,” Jungkook says, placing his hand around your throat. He doesn’t apply pressure and simply rests it there, urging you to look directly at him. “I love when my pretty baby becomes a dirty slut for me.” He punctuates his words with a harsh buck of his hips that makes you cry out.

You can't take it anymore. “K-kook,” you whine, grabbing his wrist and urging him to squeeze your throat. “I love you.”  

Despite his hand around your neck and cock abusing your cunt, he breaks into a smile. He leans down to kiss you on your putty lips. You try to keep up with him but there’s no use for that, so you just open your mouth and let him slither his tongue inside. When he pulls away, your lips are wet with saliva. Messy, but you wouldn’t exchange it for anything less. “Love you too, baby.” he groans in a strained voice, dragging his cock fast through your walls.

As if reading your mind, his thumb reaches to rub fast circles on your clit. “’m so close,” you mumble, thighs shaking.

“C'mon, pretty. Wanna see you come around me.” Jungkook murmurs, gone is his dominant aura, it’s now only his gentle voice coaxing you into an earth-shattering orgasm.  

When you come down from your high, you’re swatting his fingers away from your core. Normally you would probably indulge into it more, but oversensitivity seems to be too much to handle for you today. Jungkook thrusts his hips a few more times and follows right after you, groaning your name and spilling himself inside.  

“That was nice.” he comments breathlessly  and you can’t help but chuckle, widing your arms around his neck and pulling him for a well-deserved kiss.  

“I’m too tired to move my legs and somebody needs to finish the cake,” you pout, not an ounce of exaggeration in your statement because that’s utterly true–you’re always too spent after a round of fucking with Jungkook to even go to the bathroom on your own. He gladly carries you there in his arms bridal-style every, single time.

“It's okay, sweetheart. I’ll do it.” he says, making you giggle under your breath triumphantly.  

You might be willing to do everything for you boyfriend but if anything, you’re equal in that department.  

“I’m also pretty sure there’s flour on my ass.”  

Jungkook raises his brow at you. “That I’m not going to clean.”  

“Fine. But next time I'm putting whipped cream on your dick.” you decide.  

When he pulls out of you, his cum spills out of your hole but he's quick to catch the droplets and push them back inside you with his fingers. “You’re a little minx, you know that, right?” he says and then licks his digits clean.  

“You love me anyway.” He grins, leaning to kiss you but he stops mid-way. “What is it?” you ask, raising your brows.

“Since I came inside you, we can call it a creampie, right?”  

Still slightly dazed after sex, you’re not quick enough to realise what he implies before it’s too late. “I mean yes but–oh my god. No, no, no! Stop!”  

“Cream-pie!”  

“I hate you!”  

“And I love you too.”  

After all, you were worrying about the dinner too much, as always.  

Everybody complimented your cake. Jungkook's mother was delighted. His father talked about fishing for almost an hour.

But your sweet boyfriend's smirking face as he ate the cake was telling you were in for a long night of sinning in your bed as soon as you went back home.  

And he obviously didn’t disappoint.  

[sirensmojo]

"Crossroads" - Michael Gray x Reader

Warnings: Big fluff.

Summary: You visit Michael in the hospital for the first time in years after his departure from your village.

*Masterlist*

A/N: this is my first Michael Gray fic, plz take that into consideration...

“There’s a girl asking to see you, Sir.” The nurse informed Michael, “Do you accept the visit?”

“Who is it?” His eyes lifted up from the white bedsheet he was staring at, blankly.

“A certain Y/N.”

At the announcement of your name, his dull eyes lightened up, but it didn’t last. His mind suddenly got clouded with the hundreds of questions he usually was asking himself when alone.

Were you alright? Did you get out of town as you promised each other, were you still visiting his “mother” on Wednesday's afternoons, were you angry at him for leaving you?

“Yeah, let her in.” His answer was full of apprehension, making the nurse unsure of letting you in. She stayed there watching as the man shifted position, trying to get comfortable as he knew your reunion wouldn’t be easy. “I said let her in,” Michael squinted his eyes at the nurse seeing she was still there, and that’s when she got out.

He exhaled deeply, mentally preparing himself but he couldn’t escape the tremendous flow of emotions washing over him.

You were his first love, the first girl he ever saw as a woman, even if you were still quite young. He just couldn't ignore the way he felt when he used to be with you, even after all this time, even after going out with other girls, your face never left him.

“Michael.” You hesitantly entered, unsure of the fact coming in here was a good idea.

You were in town for quite long now, but never took the time to search for him. Not because you didn't care, it was the opposite.

He had never kept from you his wish to leave your little village and you thought that maybe having you in his life now wouldn't bring him anything but memories of a place he wanted to forget.

But as the time passed, you realized you couldn't get him out your mind, no matter how hard you tried. No matter what you did, it all came back to him in the end.

His smile, laugh, touch and love, you missed everything.

You knew very well the Peaky Blinders, just like every Birmingham residents, and you knew he was one of them.

You used to tease him back then about him leaving the village after burning it or something, and here you were, him being part of a gang. This couldn't fit your Michael best.

He was a very intelligent, talented, kind and good person, but you always knew that deep down, this tranquillity was hiding a darker side, a deeper meaning of who he was.

It wasn't a surprise at all for you when you heard about his new life, you were even quite happy that he could express himself and evolve in a favourable environment.

He seemed preoccupied with something but his eyebrows unknitted at the sight of your face.

Your finger waved curls were perfectly falling on each side of your head, and Michael’s eyes were falling over your olive designed dress, tassels falling right under your knees.

He always loved this green on you, and that only hit you now.

The aggressively sexy green dress you told him you would, one day, wear in the streets so everybody could be shocked and talk about how a woman should dress.

If you remembered this detail this morning you wouldn’t have come in this dress. Now, Michael was looking at you with those gleaming eyes and you knew that when his eyes will lift up to yours, you’ll find in them the same sparks behind his iris as when you were younger.

Maybe coming in here truly was a bad idea.

“Y/N,” he kept a stern face but you were reading him like a book. His hands were clammy, his jaw clenched, his shoulders tensed along with all his muscles.

You could see he was as nervous as you, and you also knew that if you could read him that easily he probably could do the same with you.

Michael was sitting on his bed straight like an “I”, and that’s only when you sat at his side that he leaned backwards on his pillows.

That idea of knowing each other despite time and distance was what helped you to breathe out the air you didn't realize you were holding, leaving your chest less heavy.

You didn’t dare to stay in his eyes, too occupied searching for your cigarettes anyway. You got one out of their case and handed it to the man that was shamelessly staring at you.

“You changed.” Were his first words, and you couldn’t blame him.

Michael grabbed the cigarette and stuck it in between his fine lips before you came lightening up the tip of it for him.

When he left you were still growing up, rough look and only wearing the elegant blue pants your mother accepted you to wear. You were obsessed with pants and used to always argue about the fact women couldn’t wear them.

“Not a bit, and you haven’t either.” You teased him. It was obvious he changed, even the way he was talking was different, and you couldn’t even imagine what else in him had changed if the external changes were that evident.

His eyes drifted to you once again, what a surprise it was for him to see you dressed up as you were with your high heels.

Men have looked at you before, but the way Michael laid eyes on you was different, you found fondness in it, perhaps love? Because after all, there was still love between you, right?

Else his chest wouldn't raise that quickly and he wouldn't flutter his eyes when you would catch him staring at you.

He chuckled and offered you a warm smile before puffing on his cig. He got lost in thoughts for a moment, doing the french inhale.

Nevertheless, Michael seemed so much more distant than what you remember. Either he was staring, either he was blanking looking into the void.

He never talked too much either, but presently his silence could kill you. You just wanted to feel his hands all over you again, but you couldn't jump on him as if your story happened yesterday.

The atmosphere tensed, “I knew you would start smoking.” You let out in a huff. “Mrs Johnson was so wrong about you, it wasn’t me corrupting you, you always had it in your blood.” You concluded, the words escaping from your mouth as you were failing to stop them.

You got a cig for yourself and Michael watched you carefully, following each of your movements as if you were to disappear in a cloud of smoke if he’d just blinked.

“No,” He clenched his jaw and shook his head as his eyes darkened, "I found it here."

"Find you?"

He nodded slightly as puffing on his cig. 'You don't ask why I'm here?" He raised a brow towards you.

"I read the news, you're a peaky boy now." You winked at him.

"It's not what you think, Y/N." He was chuckling, shaking his head to both sides.

"Well, my Micheal wearing suits and being part of a dirty business, that's what I think and that's what it is. And that's sexy." You were so concentrated imagining him in his suit you didn't realize you called him yours, but Gray noticed it, which led to his lips stretching into a smile.

"I knew you were about to tell it." He flicks his fingers, looking at you with squinting eyes.

You took advantage of that exchange to look at his face, examining each of his features and internalizing everything you missed during these years apart.

"You're sexy Michael, deal with it already." You stated outright.

You always liked that about him. He wasn’t talking much, not with his words at least, but his eyes bore enough emotions by themselves. If they could talk they would spill hundreds of words on the paper with no difficulty.

"Yeah? Well, I prefer when you tell that in other circumstances."

His words echoed in your head and you didn't know if he was making a sexual reference or if he just woke up the horny you.

You tilted your head to the side a second, puffing on your cig before the tip of your fingers instantly reached for his soft skin. You were rubbing the side of his face gently with your knuckles when you remembered something.

“I left the village over a year after you, my mother died and I just couldn’t stay there, you know.” Talking was your way of coping with the fact you were reunited with your teenage love.

“I’m sorry.” His facial expression changed, he now understood why you were here. Not that he was unhappy about your visit, but he wouldn't have thought you’d ever leave this village.

“Everything I know is there” was the answer you gave him every time he encouraged you to go to the cities to try to make a living out of clothing. London, Birmingham, whatever, as long as you would be able to be who you wanted to be, and live your passion fully.

You wanted to make clothes and Michael had always been your number one fan, solely because he was the only one to see the gorgeous dresses you were sewing, but still your number one fan.

“I’m currently working to be able to own my workshop. So everything’s fine.”

He peeked at your lips while you were doing the french inhale, but ended up staring at your lips as if they were mesmerizing him.

You ignored that as well as you ignored all the signs he still felt things for you since you came into his room.

“Michael, the reason for my visit is family. I Know you found your biological mother and all, but you got another family out there, right?” You got up and joined the table to crush your cigarette into the ashtray, a vain attempt to prepare you for what you were about to announce. “Mr Johnson’s gone... I heard he died in his own bed.”

You threw him a glance, you wanted to know what he was thinking at this moment because his face was unreadable. Even though you knew him more than he knew himself, you grew apart from each other, and here was standing in front of you, a version of Michael you did not know.

He was blankly looking at the void in front of him, fisted clenched around the sheets.

You got closer to him, putting down the ashtray on the nightstand and sat down at his side again, but this time you slipped one of your hands into his as your other one, slowly turned his head towards you, so you could look at him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry.” You muttered as you were nearing your face to his.

It’s when you felt a little squeeze on your hand that you completely dared to give yourself to him, leaning a slow kiss over his lips.

You then pulled away, but before you could go anywhere, you felt his free hand at the back of your head, pulling you closer for another kiss, this one being feverish.

Of course, he was still loving you. It couldn’t be any different.

His hand shifted from your head to your cheek, his thumb rubbing it softly. His tender fondles contrasted perfectly with the roughness of his kisses. They became needier and needier, as if he waited to do this for a long time.

You both finally let go of the other’s lips when your lungs were screaming for air, your lids directly opening into the other’s eyes.

Here we go again, that twinkling light dancing at the back of his deep blue eyes.

“Something actually changed there,” You caressed his lips with your index, “I didn’t remember your lips tasting this way, neither you being that much of a good kisser.” Your suave voice murmured inches away from him.

You were so close you could feel his warm breath against the sensitive skin of your lips.

“Well, teach me.” His voice aroused something inside of you, and you found yourself squeezing your thighs together.

PEAKY BLINDERS TAG: @retromafia

(ask me if you want to get in one of the tag lists)

[masc-reader-insertss]

hometown - luba x male reader

(for the movie mute)

y/n and luba both come from traditional families. they were childhood best friends, almost never apart. they were each other's first everything, crushes, kisses, but they had to hide from it all from their conservative families. when luba grows tired of having to hide, they beg y/n to come out and leave with them, but y/n, too scared of the outside world from what he'd been taught his whole life, refused. luba was heartbroken, but they left anyway, and for years the two never saw each other. it wasn't until y/n had no choice but to come out, that he finally began to realise that luba had been right about the outside world. they meet again only by chance when y/n finds himself in the club where luba works, and as soon as they see each other, all the feelings they left behind all those years ago come flooding back.

tw for: homophobia, transphobia, internalised homophobia, violence

i refer to luba with they/them pronouns because that is my personal headcanon

—

y/n had always been a timid child. he always listened to his parents, he believed them when they told him about the evils that the modern world tried to push on everyone who dared to enter it, and he always promised he would never their traditional path. his best friend luba, however, was a different story. luba was always a 'problem child' and at first y/n's parents had worried they would influence their child, but y/n still remained his same timid self no matter how much time he spent with his friend, as far as they knew at least. for y/n and luba however, it was a completely different story. while y/n was still the god fearing child his parents had raised him to be, he would always come out of his shell around them. luba was always there for him, and over the years the two grew exceptionally close.

when they were both ten, they both had their first crush, on each other of course. they knew it was wrong, their parents told them so, everyone around them did, though it never actually /felt/ wrong. when they were thirteen, luba confessed to y/n, and y/n tried his hardest to deny he felt anything back for his friend, tried to say it was wrong and disgusting, but he couldn't even get out a full sentence before he broke down in his friends arms and confessed right back, begging them to keep it all a secret. of course luba promised they would, and they both sat their, clinging to each other for comfort.

they were fourteen when they first kissed. they had been laying under the starts on the roof of y/n's house playing truth or dare, when y/n dared luba to tell him their biggest secret, of course y/n was sure he already knew what it was being how close they were, but when luba responded with "i think i love you, but i've been too scared to tell you", y/n froze. luba was never scared. they were always the one to tell y/n to stop being a pussy and just do whatever stupid idea they'd dragged him in to, so y/n was shocked. luba took the silence as a bad sign and sat up, pulling their knees to their chest. "i'm sorry.. i shouldn't have-" for the first time since they'd know each other, y/n was finally the one to initiate something as he sat up and pulled his best friend into a kiss, closing his eyes as they shared their first kiss together. when they finally pulled away for air y/n looked back at luba, reaching out to hold their hands. "you know we can't tell anyone about this. we'd be exiled.." he murmured. luba reached a hand out and cupped the side of y/n's face, stroking his cheek gently. "one day we won't have to hide anymore" and as much as he wanted to, y/n just didn't believe it.

when they were seventeen, they'd been dating in secret for three years. in that time, luba has come out to y/n as nonbinary, and while at first y/n didn't quite understand, he supported them from the moment they'd told him. it was only a few weeks out from their birthdays, they'd only been born a week apart, when luba suggested they run off together. "we wouldn't have to hide anymore, out there they embrace people like us" they had reasoned, but y/n wasn't convinced, while he loved luba more than anything, his parents had always taught him to fear the outside world, and it still stuck with him. "i just don't think it's safe out there.. you know what everyone says. all that technology, you have hide away just to get some peace.." he looked down at his lap and began to play with his hands before luba spoke again, and what they said made y/n freeze. "isn't that exactly what we're doing here?". they were right, y/n knew that, but he was still so scared. "i'm sorry, i love you but.. i can't move there. i just can't" luba knelt down in front of y/n, taking his hands in theirs. "aren't you tired of having to live in the shadows like this?" they motioned to the barn they were currently stowed away in, and y/n shrugged, staying silent. "we wouldn't have to hide who we are anymore, isn't that what you want? you can't seriously tell me you actually enjoy having to come here just so we won't get lynched, right? if we leave, we'll never have to do this again. we can go out on dates, like normal people do-" y/n abruptly pulled his hands away and stood up, tears filling his eyes. it was all so overwhelming, he wanted to go, but he was so scared. everything he'd ever known was here, and if he left he'd never be allowed back. "but we're not normal- we never will be.. we- we're wrong. that's what everyone says about people like us. we're disgusting" he stepped back when luba tried to grab his hand again, beginning to shake as he grew more and more upset. he didn't really mean what he said, he was just so scared he didn't know what else to do. "you're wrong, people like you.. they're sinners, they're disgusting- you're disgusting, my parents were right, you tried to turn me- make me think this was okay, boys kissing other boys, boys like you pretending to be something they're not" y/n was nearly sobbing at this point, and when he saw the tears in his friends eyes he couldn't take it anymore. "leave if you want, but don't come and see me again" he whispered shakily, rushing out of the barn in tears. he felt disgusted with himself, not because of who he was, but because of all of the disgusting hatred he'd shown the person he was in love with. he wanted to scream, he wanted run back and tell luba how sorry he was, and that he was just so terrified at the idea of leaving behind everything he knew, but all he did was lay there, sobbing into his pillow that still smelt like luba from the nights they were able to slip in through the window and lay with him.

when it was luba's birthday the next day, y/n woke up to his parents frantically asking if he'd seen them anywhere, and he broke down again. they were gone, y/n knew that, and they left thinking he hated them, when it couldn't have been anything further from the truth. luba had left letters, one for their parents and one for y/n. in their letter to their parents they came out, and explained that they wouldn't ever be back, y/n was grateful they hadn't left in any details about their relationship, though at this point he began to wonder of it would be better for them to know, he wouldn't have had to debate leaving with luba if he didn't have a choice. the letter they had left to him was short, and y/n couldn't get through it without bursting into tears.

dear y/n

part of me wants the believe you didn't actually mean any of those things you said yesterday, but i know how good these people are at making you believe whatever they want. i have to believe deep down you don't mean it, i don't know what i would do if you actually did feel that way. if you ever change your mind, you can always try and find me, but i don't know how long i can make myself wait for you, i know if i never see you again i have to let you go or i'll end up coming back, and i can't ever do that. i'll always love you, and i'll never forget about you, even if i have to move on.

love, luba

y/n kept that letter with him everywhere he went, for years he held onto it even when it became tattered at the edges and rain water had made a few of the words bleed off the page. he could never let luba go no matter how hard he tried. he still always thought about them, and more than once he'd planned to run away, though he'd always ended up backing out when he became too nervous. when he was twenty five, he didn't have to worry about making the choice anymore. he still loved luba, but he'd tried his hardest to move on. josef, someone y/n had known since they were boys, though they'd never gotten close, was like him. he'd discovered one night when they were out in the fields, tending to sheep. it was dark out, only a candle giving off a small glow as they sat on the hill and watched over the sheep to make sure nothing came out to get them. they'd been talking when all of a sudden josef lent over and kissed him. y/n was stunned at first, but he quickly relaxed into the kiss, and that night they made love on that very hill.

that was the start of their secret relationship, and for months it went by unnoticed, until the night y/n's whole world was changed. josef was a married man, a family man, though he would take off his ring whenever he and y/n would make love. this night had started out like any other they spent together, both of them wrapped in each other's loving embrace after the passion that had been shared between them. y/n was still only half dressed when they both heard footsteps coming up the hill, someone coming to tell josef his wife was in labour, and before they could ever break their kiss there was a loud gasp. josef pushed y/n away, and y/n fell back, looking up with wide eyes as josef stood and began to spew hatred at him, claiming that y/n had forced himself on him and that josef wanted no part in it. of course, everyone had believed him, he was married and a father after all, and within days, y/n had been kicked out with nothing but a suitcase and the clothes on his back.

with the little money he got from selling anything of his that he could, y/n was just able to find himself the cheapest apartment possible in berlin, and without even a bed to sleep on, y/n spent his first night in the city curled up and sobbing on the floor. work was nearly impossible to get when he was so new to all of this technology, and y/n was slowly becoming more and more worried he'd end up on the street. it was a last resort, but y/n knew he was running out of options. he'd seen an ad for a bartender at some bright flashy club, the name of which he never could remember, and he walked in to apply. it was instantly overwhelming, people everywhere, bright flashing lights, half naked people dancing up on stage, and music so loud he could hardly hear himself think.

y/n looked around aimlessly as he took everything in, and a sudden voice behind him startled him out of his trance. "you look lost, you're new out here aren't you" y/n froze, he'd never thought he would ever hear that voice again, and part of him thought his mind was simply playing tricks on him, but when he turned around and saw that he had not been imagining it, he nearly fainted. standing right in front of him, the person he'd never stopped loving. he could see luba was more than surprised to see him too from the way they paused and looked at him like they'd seen a ghost. y/n finally broke the silence as he said "you look different", motioning up to their highly styled white hair. luba laughed, y/n could see tears in their eyes as they grabbed his hand and motioned for him to follow them.

as soon as they were outside luba threw their arms around him, and y/n hugged back, resting his chin on their shoulder as they clung to each other just like they had the night they first confessed to each other. "i never thought i'd see you again" they whispered, pulling back from the hug only to cup y/n's face and kiss him so hard y/n lost his breath. when they both pulled back, y/n just looked at luba with such adoration in his eyes, even as he finally spoke up. "i'm so sorry. i never should have said what i said all this years ago, i swear i didn't mean it. i was just- so scared. everything i'd ever know was back there. i should have just ran away with you, i should have stayed with you" luba shook their head, stroking y/n's cheek while they took his hands with their free hand. "i know you didn't mean it.." they whispered, and y/n let his head hang as he spoke up again. "they kicked me out.. i have nothing" he spoke with such sadness in his voice that it broke luba's heart to hear it, and they shook their head, pulling him close. "that's not true, you have me, and i promise i'll never leave you again" they pressed a kiss to the top of y/n's head as they both stood there clinging to each other. they'd spent so long apart now that being together was a dream come true. it had taken him loosing everything, but y/n had gained back the most important thing he'd ever lost, and he'd go through it all again just to be with them.