#but am i reaaaaaally?
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the lee mood is really creeping into monday huh? can’t have just a normal first day of the work week 😵💫😭🙈
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You make me dumb and needy 🥺
#Me#Selfie#I am reaaaaaally enjoying my hair in this little updo~!#Listening to him makes me feel like this inside 🫠
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no matter what taemin is taemin and don’t you FORGET IT
#I LOVED IT SOOOOOO MUCHHHH i cant even explain it#never mind that the grungy start and the filthy fawking guitar combined w INCOMINGGGGGGG pavlov conditions me into my eyes rolling back in#pleasure. it’s also the way it’s so gorgeously experimental and new and yet still SO taemin#it’s literally my FAVORITE thing about him like no one else is doing this and it’s soooo so exciting to me#also i’ve only had a little bit of time to myself so i planned to listen to like 3 songs and ended up listening to sexy in the air thrice#(i just can’t get ENOUGH we are SO fucking BACK) but how much do you wanna bet the rest of the album is mostly easily digestible#easy to listen songs that will automatically be crowd pleasers#like at the end of sexy in the air mv it’s like horizon starts and i was thinking like this is SO smart#do sita (undeniably taeministic and absolutely excellent and will no doubt be revered in a few years just like move/want and any other#song that wasn’t universally liked at release) and follow it up with a double title of a massively likeable song? SO good i hope that’s#what he does but i reaaaaaally really am so delighted i have another weird dark sexy grungy (!!!!!) absolute MONSTER of a song to listen#the SHIT out of auhhhh i love him BAD#i have SO many more thoughts on the DANCEEEEEEE too and the song itself but they’ll wait until im back home
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─ tagged by @karinablrr & @talksaxy thank you beloveds, i was cracking my knuckles as soon as i saw what this was exactly 🙂↕️🙂↕️
─ tagging @ashmp3 @acebytaemin @moonsua @sheawolfmp3 (only if you want to ofc!) and whoever wants to do it bc it's really fun <3
#yeah yeah yeah what can i say i have incredible taste and am unable to make a decision so here we are 🙂↕️🚬#also do you know how hard it is to choose the best selcas when you like the most powerful selfie takers on this fucking planet#they love to see me suffer but i always persevere... bc i'm chill like that#anyway also i follow way too many groups so if you see this and go ?? where is this and this person then .... idk#they're still deep in my heart just not in this collage ...#anyway aside from wanting to rip my hair out over the song selca and album choice this was reaaaaaally fun 🤭#000
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can’t talk can’t text was held while sick for the first time ever and now i’m busy listening to a tiny little light in my chest hum
#once again i am reminded there’s like this whole world of being cared for i’ve never experienced before#and while it’s the best most precious thing in the world i’m reaaaaaally not used to it and am incredibly emotional about it#kid me deserved this but only present me can accept it#idk i’m so happy but so heartsick (and regular sick still lol)
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yall I was Not Ready for episode 15 of lovely runner T.T
Imagine being Seonjae and having all those memories from 3 (!!!) different timelines come back to you at once, all about that woman you feel strangely almost magically drawn to and who has just a little while ago rejected you, referencing the person she loves as the reason she and you can't ever be a possibility, and you realise that in a past you only now remember, a past that your current self hasn't truly lived but did, you loved this woman more than your own life and saved her from harm time and time again, that this woman went back in time again and again and again to make sure you lived, even if that meant she had to decide that she and you had to be strangers in the end, and that the reason she blocked all your attempts of becoming closer to her (some of which were almost more unconscious than conscious) because you were in fact the person she loves and that she is once again trying to protect you from harm, even at the expense of her happiness
#lovely runner#dead#i am dead#lovely runner ep 15#idek if that was cohesive and comprehensible#no wonder homeboy collapsed on the spot#i think i would have an anyeurism or two as well#the only thing that will keep me going until ep 16 is that the preview seems to hint at somewhat generous fluff#which I am in desperate need of#lets hope we get to see them reaaaaaally lovey-dovey again for a long time#I'm talking ep 8 levels of smitten with each other
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i need the world to STOP FOR ONCE!!!!!
#this isn’t a sui thing or anything btw i’m just. physically tired#mentally too but it’s like. i just need a REAAAAAALLY long weekend#i need exams to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! selfish prick. why do u need so much of my time and attention 🤨🤨#emphasising for my moots. i am okay i’m just tired and cranky. and probably thirsty
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gets up from bed, opens door to yell “mom” at the top of my lungs but she’s already sitting in the kitchen-
I-
the urge to yell is stiLL THERE I AM UNFULFILLED
#casseesmeows#good morning#mom is one of my favorite words#even when I was a kid and technically a daddy’s girl#mom was still a favorite word#I also reaaaaaally enjoy yelling#I am#UPSET#I was literally like mOOO-#and then oh#cause she was five feet away from mEEEEE#GAWT DAMNIT
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“Some day I’ll make a multi chapter fan fic again” I say to myself as if I am not working on a 30 chapter long fic as we speak.
#but when I say that to myself what I really mean is that I feel I never make fics to tell stories of worlds#I always info dump instead of using my energy to write a story in the AU#I am rlly into rdr2 fantasy AU#the world admittedly isn’t fleshed out enough for an actual multi chapter story#I guess one way to think about multi chapter stories is to just write one reaaaaaally long story and then split it up during editing#or idk actually plan events for each chapter#whatever#over thinking#Meeks rambles
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Hope you don't have a hangover in the morning and you feel better soon :0
I did not I'm a lucky sonofabitch ;D
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guys i wanna play more of the gay bug game so bad
#digi discusses#the mental illness has been going in a direction i am not used to it going in lately and i just wanna see dear ant boy 🐜#been questioning ocd since 2022 but this year in particular ive been reaaaaaally hmming and hawwing about it#sorry for the personal tags in an innocent post my stream of consciousness is just like that
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you when i admit to kinning actual eve of eden:
she is me and i am her buts its different in a way, you know. so its like my own version of eve, but also the original eve .. if that makes sense. if someone made a biblical sona of eve that’s it that’s how id describe it. i was resculpted okay it’s not my fault idk how to describe it 🌝
but yes yes yes i WILL absolutely send more angel based asks. its such an underrated kin of mine i like to think, like its my most permanent and connected to one but i never?? talk about it?? so wow.
i don’t like to call myself a seraphim or a saint Always (fun angel / autism fact, capitalizing random words for enunciation), and i don’t always imagine myself with six wings when i think about how i might look as an angel. at most, it’s six or four. in all terms of looks, i am the stereotypical modern version vs. the biblical version, but that’s for the rest of them. i just prefer being more human like.
anyways. insane innate connection to the garden of eden and eve and the apple and lucifer since childhood despite following no religion and growing up with a bland ideology of practicing any form of religion besides the mild small portions of christianity and ironically satanism. what can i say i love my fallen husband .
you’re probably not gonna believe where all of this began to resurface btw. like . guess and you might be wrong. (i fixated on hazbin hotel again)
god. hazbin hotel. i never watched that show and to be frank i am too scared to start now. LMFAO
yeah i was born 'n raised christian so eve is kinda like a celebrity 2 me..... real cool. the first true girlboss
ur angel form sounds cool asf though 👍
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my heart fucking dropped here. Vash compartmentalizing like crazy, and then the reveal of him having used nearly half of his remaining life power...
using his literal life force to give himself time to bury wolfwood and recover...
for His Sake... eat and regain strength for Him...
aaaaand i started crying here for the Fifth Time at the callback to when vash and wolfwood fought over the sausage while eating spaghetti
aaahahaahahaha
and that's the end of volume 10! ahah ha ha h ha
Ha.
#speculation nation#fanny reads trigun#trigun spoilers/#last image. is how i feel right now.#literally. 5 times crying. LITERALLY i have cried only three times total this year besides this#so now i have cried 8 times. and FIVE OF THEM. were for wolfwood.#(yes im keeping track. i cry so rarely it's very easy to keep track of how many times i cry.)#i am. never going to be the same person after this.#my entire vashwood experience up until now was Knowing this was going to happen#recognizing the Painful Things. the Couch. the 'I wanted to share my tomorrows with him'. and so on.#but i really was not prepared. i reaaaaaally was not prepared.#i shouldve fuckin saved this for a time when i dont have a presentation in the morning (that i havent even started)#it's... it's fine... i'll be fine.#ultimately this was happening NOW and i couldnt really stop it.#volume 10. fucking Volume Ten man. nothing else has hit me harder.#really this is a new record. previous records for things that have made me cry were tales of xillia 2 that made me cry twice#critical role calamity made me cry twice. nabari no ou made me cry at Least once & i was fuckin bawling so that counts for smth#but. five times. tears down my face sobbing Five Times. nothing has EVER made me cry this much before. this is literally insane.#oh wolfwood.............
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i love broadcasting i love working sound and graphics!!! cameras and teleprompter are boring, directing and anchoring are ok… but i love sound and graphics :)))))
#theres been an echo for the sound and we finally figured out why!!#one of the camera mics was on when its only supposed to be a back up#the sound shit looks kind of intimidating but its really easy and i already knew a little bit#i want to be on really good terms with the teacher/supervisor for broadcasting#because theres a field trip to a movie studio and i reaaaaaally want to go#but he already calls me an honorary digital video production 2 student because. my choir director is holding me hostage#oh and speaking of choir. i am. possibly singing a solo for an a capella competition#its an igorot (indigenous filipino group) folk song
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So I was thinking about Star Team's inspirations and like the two biggest ones that have influenced the way both Rainder and I wrote Star Team (as in vibes, not story as much) were Katana Zero and Spiderman into the spiderverse, as we were both obsessed with those two pieces of media back in late 2018 (when Star Team really took the shape it has to this day). And for the longest time I always assumed that story wise it is more similar to Katana Zero (still the similarities are very superficial) while S:ITSV is mostly vibes. But then the more I thought about it, Star Team could easily work in a spiderman setting. Nora specifically would make a good spider person imo, hell even in the story proper she sometimes uses her scarf as a grappling hook (so in the spiderman setting like how the web is used). Plus Star Team is a few steps removed from being a superhero story so I said screw it, let's do this.
Spidernora au lessgo. It doesn't have 1 to 1 parallels to spiderman proper stories, but shhhh I am gonna be silly here. Also this au has a lot of similarities with ST proper, much like the Catalyst au (hey another "pretty much" superhero au), just with some adjustments to the relationship dynamics and the world a little.
For spidernora's design I had to go with the classic pink-blue-white Nora look (walking trans pride flag). While Nora is not head covering hijabi, she still wears clothes that would align with the rules (loose fitting, covering the entire body), so I tried to not make their spidey suit skin tight. They get poofy pants instead of a skirt because it is probably easier to move in and I cannot imagine her wearing a skirt/dress unless she's wearing baju kurung. Aaanyways robo backpack with robo limbs designed by Terrance (lower) because what is a spider without 8 limbs (though if needed the backpack would provide them with two extra robo limbs, making is 10 total. Nora never uses them out of principle as the scarf does most of the heavy lifting anyways). Anyways stretchy scarf made of special self replicating material to work almost like web. As for powers, aside from the sticking to walls and spidey senses, she has (way too much) heightened senses and can jump really high hence the jumping spider associations. The bun part of the name is because you cannot take away the bunny parallels from Nora in any au, over my dead body. In this au they'd have a relatively more normal childhood compared to star team proper. Now how normal it is for them to run away from home in both timelines ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Moving on we got the one and only, the legend themselves, Maya Marah. She is pretty much the same character as with proper Star Team, but the Star Team blog (now named spiderblog) has the added feature of a conspiracy board where she tries to figure out who J. Spiderbun is. Eventually she does discover who is behind the mask (I mean it's her roommate, and her other roommate works with her) and decides to not reveal it. She ends up becoming the man in the chair for Nora. What's her secret? I ain't spoiling ST so easily hahaha.
The third roommate, Terry, everyone's favourite alien. I mean his role is pretty much the same as Star Team proper but he is more of Nora's assistant than Maya's here. Also the circumstances of U.S.O are different and can't go into it without spoiling Star Team.
IT'S THEM IT'S THEM but they get demoted for this au. Imagine being just captain and vice-captain of the police (cringe). In this au Aradia and Damien unfortunately don't become friends with the Nora-Maya-Terry trio but still act as sort of antagonists (in the sense that they try to stop J. Spiderbun from doing their thing, much to Aradia's dismay). Damien and Maya are still sworn rivals. Anyways can't wait for Damien to inevitably die trying to save a chi-
I KNOW clockstopper's design could use some work, it's a first draft of sorts (If I ever decide to revisit this au) but HEYYYY LOOOK it's Nora's eternal narrative foil, the disaster herself Rena!! What do you mean a spiderman finding out one of their friends is a supervillain isn't a canon event? It is in my heart. Rena and Nora still have The Fight for the same reasons pretty much, only difference being that what happened between those 4 years of them not being in contact is veeery different. Well.... hm... anyways if I continue this section I will end up rambling about the renora dynamic and we don't want a 10k page rant do we. As a villain she usually has 0 agency, but when she does stuff that seem out of character it's when her real character shines through. Maybe she gets redeemed down the line woooo
Lightning round because it is getting late, I feel bad for not giving Jack a dedicated page like the rest of the team. Jack is central to the main arc of the au, as he is the one most closely connected to Dr Faith (ooooh who is she~ I actually can't explain anything more without spoiling actual Star Team so-). Hey isn't it funny how Ender and Maya are the two characters who are the most alike their canon counterparts- Rose 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐 she's never looked better, she deserves being a corrupt billionaire that does some unethical stuff from time to time and by that I mean frequently.
The rest of the characters would have a less significant role but sone type of role nonetheless. Anyways this was a fun little thing and not to be taken too seriously, I just love talking about my blorbos (star team characters) and putting them in different situations (there are a billion ST aus)
#starteam comic#writerna#One more star team au to the pile#st: nora#st: maya#st: terry#st: damien#st: aradia#st: rena#st: jack#st: rose#st: ender#tfw I literally made a masterpost for a star team au and not star team proper first#Listen star team is a huge project and a masterpost that big would take me even longer than the season one docas one#And I reaaaaaally need to talk to someone about star team otherwise I blow up#I need to finish.... Down memory lane..... Game development is hard without a proper programmer.....#Long post#Forgive any typos I am so sleepy
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Every moment that ggf doesnt blow up is a blessing I think. Like I'm like damn I wish for some virality! And less than a second later im like no that would be a terrible idea. This might sound like that fox who want the grapes but bc its outta reach he says its green but do remember my accounts are very hackable and I gptta do smth about that before the internet gets its grippers on me
#my passwords are dumb#i still use my first ever email#and like. the more I think about it the less i care about popularity. im not even on socmed#the only reason why i want virality is bc i want money. i wanna be rich. i want to move out and spend money on so fucking much therapy#i like going to the dentist#ill get all my weird symptoms checked out at the doctors#i want money. i want money!!!!!! i wanna buy houses for my besties#got distracted. anyway it sounds great but virality doesnt always equal to money thats the problem hence im like. ehhh.. nah#like. ill be happy to be viral in 5 years when my shits more together but rn im a weak frail shrimp im like a small victorian boy#ive been eating orzo in veggie broth#the internet will instantly kill me#im still gonna get my symptoms checked out at the doctors mind you. i am rich co#my parents are. and theyre in their guilty 50s stage where they look at me sadly and say shit like 'i dont remember that' when i tell them#they neglected me#so ill still get to go to my doctors. its just a matter of gettin there. but i reaaaaaally hate going out#growing up is learnin tjat no money or fame can fix u#the autism is winning. the asthma is winning. the allergies are winning. the hypermobility is winning. apparently its not just funny that#i cant hold up frying pans and choppin stuff hurts my wrist. its a runnin joke that im super weak but now im like. is this normal#my feet hurt all the time. is that normal. i get a desperate need to lie down after i do anything. 'i love being horizontal'#thats my irl catchphrase. and like. my nose are always clogged. i only recently started visiting the dentist bc they booked me in for#regular visits after comin to them to look at my wisdom tooth. and they say they can tell im a mouthbreather from my teeth#and im like girl what. i didnt know theres consequences to breathing through my mouth. and ive been thinking about the fact that im#congested 95% of the time and im like. maybeeeeee... thats not normal....... its been liek this for most of my life jsyk. is that why my#ears pop and ring all the time. apparently sinus problems can lead to ear problems. like i can sorta tell bc my nose gets completely blocked#and i gotta 'stretch' my jaw to relief the pressure on my ears every once in a while. but i thought that was just normal#i joke that im allergic to joy bc my asthma flares up when i laugh. which is kinda funny#i kinda have warmed up to like. the idea. of me bein disabled. bc im autistic and im regressing as i relearn how to actually do stuff in#a sustainable way. but man. i didnt consider my many bodily failures to be a part of it. but like with becoming more intuned with my body#and my fatigue..... its like yeah. not being able to breath is kinda tiring. i dont sleep very well either. maybe thats why i sleep so much#this is also why i shouldnt ever be known i talk too much
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