#but also. senior year AHHH

[actiiasluna]

Simultaneously counting down the days until school starts and being extremely nervous what

[leafostuff]

Insecurities [Ft. Fromis_9 Jiheon]

Tags: Fluff, Monologue-ish, Girlfriend!Jiheon, Established relationship

Author Notes: no notes we ballin, random idea

=================================

Insecurities are something everyone deals with in their daily life, from looks to social life to achievements, everyone has their own stuff that they dont feel good about themselves

And you are not any different, yours however come from a different source then others: Baek Jiheon, your best friend since highschool, your personal sunshine and...your girlfriend.

Who knew that you would actually have the balls to ask out your best friends on the last day of your senior year, and who knew that she will actually say yes instead of putting you in the dreaded "friend zone".

Comparing yourself and Jiheon is like comparing the burning sun to the cold moon, like an elegant ballet dancer to a bouncy hip-hop dancer, like- OK OK you get, you both are completely different from each other

Jiheon is the sun, always talkative, very sweet, always excited to be with people (especially being with you), as your classmate she was one of the popular girls in school while also being one of the top students, while you...

Well...you were nothing like her, nothing compared to her.

You are not the smartest

(another refresh, probably for Like the 1000th time, adrenaline is an all time high as you were waiting for your college professor to finally send the scores to your computer science exam.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity the scores are finally updated and well...while 60 wasn't too bad, you ended up passing but...it wasn't far from failing.

It honestly sucked, especially since you were working extra hard to get a high score in this exam only to get a 60 which will definitely lower your avarage

A sigh comes from your mouth as you let your head rest on your table, hands on your temple trying to relax yourself from that abysmal score...)

Not the prettiest

{"Are you sure that is necessary Jiheon? I look so stupid in this" you say, the embarrassment is clearly felt from the other side of the isle

"Have i ever told you to do something that isn't?" You can think of a couple moments, a lot actually but it's not like you could ever say no when she gives you her pleading smile. "Now come here and let me see it".

You swipe , revealing yourself to your best friend, on your head now a headband of wolf ears, your cheeks now fully red from embarrassment, Jiheon covers her mouth and her eyes widen in surprise.

"What?" you ask in an annoyed, monotonous voice.

"oh n-nothing" she answers, now looking away however second by second she breaks down, first a giggle, then a small chuckle and in the end she cant contain herself any longer, now fully laughing, almost falling to the floor from how you look.

"SEE?! I TOLD YOU IT WAS STUPID" you respond, even more embarrassed than before as you now turn away from your best friend}

["ahhh finally, the weekend is here" Jiheon says, stretching herself while both of you getting out of your last class of the day, moving toward the exit as your best friend walking backward, facing you with a bright as usual smile

And not the most social person

"wow, I never thought you would be happy about going home from school" you reply, occasionally checking to see that she doesnt stumble into someone that she doesnt see.

"just because i enjoy studying doesn't mean i don't want the week to be over" she exclaims, doing a 180° turn to now face the same direction as you, now walking forward.

"Like seriously, who in the staff let Professor Park teach in the last class of the day, of the WEEK?" She asks rethorically

"maybe they want to make you enjoy the weekend even more?" You jokingly say which makes both of you laugh, as both you head toward your lockers a familiar group waits there.

"Oh, Yuna, Yujin, Sungho" Jiheon says, giving both the girls a quick hug, and a high five to Sungho as you could feel yourself getting nervous

"Were heading to the Arcade, Yujin THINKS she can beat me at Air Hockey" Sungho says, looking at Yujin with an excited look.

"im not saying i think i could beat you, i WILL" she corrected him before turning toward Jiheon again, "Wanna Join?" She asks

"Sure, sounds like fun" she answers, now turning herself toward you "you're' coming?" She asks, however as you were about to answer Yuna starts to speak over you

"Oh sorry, don't get me wrong but...he isn't really our friend, he is kind of like...your +1" Yuna says, not even turning to look as if you were invisible, you were now looking at your locker, trying to hide your embarrassment.]

Those moments always come to your mind whenever you look at yourself in the mirror after you take a shower, or at night when you lay on your bed, thinking about if you made the right decisions in your life to get where you are now.

However, as you look back at those moments in a clearer mind, you realise that with a person that loves you

(You suddenly feel a hand on your hair, lightly patting it, looking up and see its Jiheon, now in her sleeping attire as her smile beams at you.

"I know how hard you worked for it..." she says, before leaning downward as you can feel her lips giving your right cheek a quick peck before continuing to talk

"im proud of you" she adds, as you stand up she opens her arms, signaling you to come and hug her, with a happy face you happily oblige)

Cares about you

{"No no no you don't look stupid" she says, trying to calm her laughter.

"It's just that you look so...cute with those wolf ears" your cheeks turn rosy pink as Jiheon's hand finds itself on your shoulder, "I really mean it" you could feel your face turned from embarrassed to now happy, "Omg wait i have an idea"

She walks toward another box of costumes, pulling out a pair of fox ears, "We HAVE to take selfies with those" she grabs her phone with one hand while her other hand goes behind you back, letting herself side hug you

"Smileeee" she cheerfully says while raising her phone camera}

And lets you be the best version of youself

["I see" Jiheon says, her voice sounds disappointed her eyes tries to find yours that hide behind the locker door.

"Well, if my '+1' isn't coming..." she says to her friends as suddenly her hands grab yours, pulling you toward her before continuing to speak

"Then i am also not coming" Jiheon exclaims, you could see her face getting annoyed as she looks at them, but not before turning her gaze at you, now giving you a warm smile, her eyes giving you a look that says 'I got you']

You realise how those thoughts about yourself are not real, that even with those insecurities. And as you turn your gaze to Jiheon, your sunshine with her asleep while her right cheek lays on your chest while her arms wrap themselves around your waist, you can't help yourself but smile while thinking...

Maybe those insecurities never existed at all

=================================

As of today i am 20 years old so birthday fic i guess

Dedicated to @erospandemos

[arsonlookers]

Doctor's Obsession

Yan! Doctor Zhongli x Therapist Reader

Slight Suggestive please be warned

Yan! Doctor Zhongli is the first doctor you have befriended during your first month as a therapist. You have known him far longer than that. you have known him from your first college days, he is the most respected senior on campus and also the most elegant gentleman and genius upcoming doctor on the field. You only got to know him in your freshman year since he was already graduating that time so You only admire him from afar and nothing more.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who actually knows you, the very cute freshman who actually caught his attention all those years ago.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who has been supporting you silently and admiring you secretly from afar. [ of course, you didnt know that] He who just anonymously helps you through all your debts and even secretly gifts you here and there but not that obvious that it will catch your attention.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who actually is the one who recommended you in this asylum so that he will be able to get close to you. And he will be able to watch you 24/7. He now can touch you, stare at you for longer hours, and of course, he can watch who is interested in you and dispose of the said trash.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli messed up once because in your 4th year of college, you got a boyfriend, and he was furious about it. Of course not to you, but to that TRASH who keeps hanging out with you. Tainting you with his dirty hands, his sweet poor little angel, he is of course gonna save you.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who secretly slips something into your boyfriend's drink someday and your boyfriend suddenly needs to go to the hospital to get treated. HE who secretly kills your boyfriend and disguises it as a failed operation.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who meets you [secretly stalks you does not count] finally for the first time and tells you about your boyfriend's progress in health how severe it is and how dangerous his condition is. And even comforted you when you got the sad news of your now-dead boyfriend.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli since then he Occasionally asks you out for tea and even asks you about your personal life.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli is happy to become a friend of yours and it will develop more and more as he will make sure of that.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli When watching you interact with some patients, who become too touchy with you, he keeps an eye on them for your sake. And after that tells you the bad news about their death. [Rip dead patients]

Yan! Doctor Zhongli actually keeps a laboratory hidden behind the walls so that you won't be able to see how gruesome it is. How he tortures those patients because you interact with them more than you interact with him.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli sees you as an angel and even a goddess because of how he worships you secretly. And to those you will taint you may they be innocent or criminal he will sure put them to judgment and persecute them for they are filthy.. no they are not deserving of your love and attention at all. ONLY he is.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who keeps a hidden room in his house full of your pictures since your freshman years. all SECRETLY taken without any of your consent.

Suggestive content

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who gets turned on whenever you are so close to him. as he smells how sweet and enchanting your perfume is and how good you look close up. how he will never stop eye fucking you in his mind all day long.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli He who jerks off on your pictures and he even has you naked in some of it [of course you will never know about that]

"hnngg~ y/n~ ahhhh~ ngg~ you~ lookngg ahhh~~ so sexy~ my darling~~ "

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who loves it when you sit on his lap and he will surely drag it in his mind for days on end.

"Just ~ ehhahhhh~~ sit ~ gnnn~ how good~ would-ahhh~~ you~ feel-~ like~ nggg~"

Yan! Doctor Zhongli REAAALLLYY LOVES your curves secretly and even would loves to be suffocated by them. Who will surely shamelessly beg if he has to.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli is Jealous whenever you interact with patient 001 because he knows how insane Childe is. He will never stop pestering threatening Childe to stop his obsession with you.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who is mad when patient 001 starts to become more and more bold and even shamelessly masturbating infront of you in his cell. of course Yan! Doctor Zhongli knows about it since he watches through the camera of his cell. to make sure you are safe but now he will surely dispose of Childe for good.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who starts to notice how other patients are also acting strangely affectionate to you..and he DOES NOT like it.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who will start to isolate you from other doctors and even patients. even though you act against it since he is your higher-up supervisor you have no choice but to follow.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli will keep you by his side, inside his office, and will not let you meet other patients or even to other doctors.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who will make you his secretary rather than a therapist to filthy people.

"why not be my personal therapist y/n?" he asked

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who starts to act strange around you and even affectionate at times. And when no end he will also start to show his possessiveness and affection obsession to wards you.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who locks you up in his office and even has a secret built-in chain on his office just for you and only you to use.

" You will be safe here darling~ don't worry as long as you are here by my side nobody will get hurt~ As long as you are here by my side I will love you forever and spoil you "

you are trying to break of the chain

"Darling dont do that you will hurt yourself" Zhongli sweetly tells you like an adult telling a child that sweets are bad for your teeth.

You glare harder, trying to be intimidating but sadly Zhongli only sees it cute and lovely how you intently stare and observe him.

"darling~ dont make me use drugs to make you pass out~" he brushes his hands on your cheeks grabs it by the side and makes you look deep in eyes.

With his threat, you stop squirming out of him and just fearfully stare at his deep golden eyes. all you can do is nod your head.

"good girl~ such a Good girl for me~ " he kisses your right cheek

"dont worry now darling I'm sure you are going to love it here, forever and ever. I will make sure of it. You will love it here in your new home and with your new husband and we will have children~ how many would you like? this daddy will provide for you darling~"

"So would you please follow orders from your one and only trusted doctor please~? "

Darling why don't you stay~ you have nowhere to go, after all, don't worry he will take care of you, spoil you, make you his and so full of his children.

He will take care of you Darling~ dont worry about anything at all, just think about him and only him after all, he has been waiting for the longest time for this .. FOR YOU to be His and only HIS.

suggestive content

After he takes control of you and chains you to his side forever be reminded that day after day, night after night you will be nothing but exhausted and tired from all his pounding again and again and again. non-stop because he truly has been waiting and dreaming for you to be in front of him stripped and all on show for his eyes to see and to love be in his mercy as you kept begging him about how overstimulated everything is. after all, he likes it when you are acting like a whore in front of him and cock drunk from all he has given for you. BUT he won't stop until he is satisfied and sees everything is in place. an image of you so full of his cum and looks so tasty and hmm~ fuck up~ by him~ don't worry darling he will truly love you and he will enjoy his meal after all his waiting~ so please let him have his meal [you] will you darling~

Ars : I give thanks to people who likes my last post Ms. therapist and my new upcoming ideas about yandere childe and yandere adventurine! I was really shock about reaching 200+ likes THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! and to my new Followers thank you for following! it really means everything to me and to people who reblogs my post THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! For more update this yandere genshin x therapist reader will hopefully be a long project for me since I truly have plenty of ideas in my pocket. if you like to keep following on the updates I have a separate post master list for it named ASYLUM PROJECT

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! YOU ALL MADE ME CRY!!! 😭

[cas-backwards-tie]

The Graveyard

TF141 x Reader

Summary: A discussion of the Base’s upcoming Halloween celebration leads to the suggestion that Ghost actually participates this year. The question is… will he?

Words: 2.3k

Warnings: None(?)

A/N: for @vikki-tikki-tavii 💕 thanks for the request! This definitely felt appropriate for this time of year. I also meant to keep it on the shorter side but ahhh!!! I got so caught up in their back and forth, and the whole vibe of it all! 🙈 I hope you like it! Divider by @kodaswrld ❤️

“Any hints as to what you’re goin’ as?” Kyle asks Johnny from across the room.

“I’m not tellin’! No doubt you’d try an’ copy me,” Johnny responds.

“Maybe he just doesn’t wanna show up wearing the same costume,” you joke. Watching the way Kyle’s eyebrow quirks in that telltale way you just know he’s getting annoyed, meanwhile Johnny’s got a wicked smirk on his lips that can only mean he’s up to no good.

“Yeah, right,” Kyle scoffs. He turns back to his paperwork, the three of you in the Command Station respectively doing your menial work. It seems whatever conversation Kyle had tried to stir up about Halloween was fruitless, the room quieting as everyone refocuses.

The familiar sound of heavy footfall matched with the faint squeak of sneakers signals who’s approaching. “LT!” Kyle perks up. The work-related focus didn’t last long, you think. God only knows when the paperwork will finally get done. “You celebrating this year?”

“What? Halloween?” Ghost questions, turning to offer the Captain, who’d only just entered with him, a look. The Lieutenant shakes his head.

“I take it you’re looking forward to this year’s party?” John asks, placing down his water bottle on the counter by the doorway. His brow is still covered in sweat, the two senior officers having been scheduled for their quarterly assessment earlier this afternoon.

“What’s not to like? Handing out candy to the kids, seeing their little costumes-” Kyle leans back in his chair starting to list off all the reasons he loves this holiday.

“Still can’t believe I’m the only one who got Chase from Paw Patrol,” Johnny interrupts, muttering under his breath as he crosses his arms and turns to face the doorway, officially joining the conversation.

“Not all of us have nieces,” you quip, sending him a sarcastic look over your shoulder.

“-The costume contest, and the games? I’ve actually been practicing my apple bobbing the past few days. I’m going to win this year, guarantee it!” Kyle continues.

“Scaring the wee ones takes the cake though,” Johnny chimes in. “Surprised you haven’t signed up to volunteer in the graveyard, LT. Figure you’d like dressing up, all considering,” he jokes.

Every year the Base puts on a Halloween celebration for the community, and while there are different stations where volunteers hand out candy, there’s games, contests, and of course, the makeshift graveyard. It’s akin to that of a haunted house, only, it’s outside, and decorated in mostly lame attempted cardboard headstones, plastic ghosts, and bats. The fog machine certainly adds an eerie element, but what makes it are the volunteers who sign up. While it’s technically only another station to hand out candy, some of the soldiers like to add to the ambiance and scare the people walking through. Johnny definitely seems the type.

Unconsciously, a shocked look crosses your features. Johnny might not be wrong to think so, but to say it?! To Ghost’s face? Oh, hell no. While you look back at Johnny over to Ghost, you find you aren’t the only one shocked. John’s eyes are a little wider than usual, but no one comments.

“Yeah, and what should I go as?” The response from the LT elicits a quiet sigh of relief. You’re glad another physical blowout hadn’t ensued.

A visage of curiosity displays itself across the group’s faces, but it ultimately only takes a moment for people to pitch in.

“Ghostface?” Johnny proposes before shaking his head. “No… too on the nose?” A chuckle follows.

“Thor?” You offer something different.

“Shrek!” Kyle comments.

“I’d rather keep the mask on, if possible,” Ghost mentions.

“Devil?” The Captain questions.

“Death?” Johnny adds, to which you all look at him before looking back at the Lieutenant.

“The Grim Reaper!”

“Grim Reaper,” both you and Kyle voice at the same time. A jovial look is shared before you turn back to the Lieutenant waiting for a response.

“That’s actually quite good,” John approves, arms crossing as he leans against the counter.

“We’ll see,” the Lieutenant responds, not offering up any morsel of rejoice as he takes off his tac-vest and heads over to his locker.

It’s only a week or so later when Halloween finally arrives. And while it’s not the most commonplace celebrated holiday in Europe, it’s one that many have chosen to adopt in favor of its fun and creative festivities. You’d decided to dress up as a cat because it was easy. Draw on some whiskers and a nose, find a headband to go with it, and you’re still abiding by dress code even during the festivities.

Stationed on candy duty with Markowski from the Foreign Intelligence Committee, you both sit by the garage which had been opened up, cleaned, and civilian-proofed for the event. While you’d been chatting with your buddy in hopes of catching up, you spot movement from your peripheral. “Let me guess,” Markowski says, turning on his stool to eye the incoming pair of children. “Rapunzel, and…”

“Pasquel!” The other child shouts excitedly. A smile envelopes your lips as the family approaches and you hand out the candy. “You’re a kitty,” the little girl says to you.

“I am,” you reply. “Have you been having fun?” You ask her in response, yet still attempt to engage the whole family as well.

“Yeah!” Both little girls respond, thankfully. You don’t know what you’d do if they weren’t.

“It’s definitely a lot spookier than last year,” the dad chuckles, “Becca here almost cried because of that Skeleton in the Graveyard,” he teases.

“I thought that was the Grim Reaper,” the mother states, and you laugh despite not knowing exactly. You hadn’t seen all the decorations that the Base had put out this year, but while they never spent the most on extracurricular things like holidays, you know they do tend to upgrade things when the original gets damaged and needs a replacement.

Nevertheless, the family thanks you for your service and heads off to the next group of soldiers stationed at a candy point. It’s only once the night’s getting later that the people start to die down in numbers that you’re able to tag off with Markowski and have a break. Wandering through the grounds you spot people lining up for the costume contest, the cookie decorating station, and the apple-bobbing table.

You decide to go there since you know Kyle happened to get stationed there. Even if he’d been preparing for a few days in advance, you wouldn’t put it past him to keep trying when the line died down. To your surprise, the Captain is there too. “What’re you doing here?” You question, smiling up at the old man. Sure, he didn’t necessarily enjoy these events, but you wondered why he was here instead of watching the game on the telly at home. It’s only so often you all get time off, anyhow.

“I thought I’d pop by after I was done to see what my team’s been up to,” John answers, smiling behind the cup of—no doubt *spiked*—cider in his hands. Part of you wants to chastise him for working on a holiday, while the other part is simply glad to see him. Choosing the latter, a smile graces your features. It’s momentary to, however, as his words dawn on you.

“Wait, Riley’s here?” You ask. It was rare that the Lieutenant would show up to an event, at least that’s what they’d told you. Once you’d joined the team he seemed to make more of an effort, according to the guys. And it was sort of true from what you’d seen. Any time an event would come up, especially a formal one, you’d all have to beg Ghost to join you all. With the promise of free food, drinks, and an early getaway was the only way you’d be able to get him to go.

“You didn’t hear?” Kyle asks excitedly, with a shake of his head. He’d clearly just been dunking his head in the pails considering water flicks off his hair in droplets, hitting your forearm. His eyelashes are wet, and there are still a few beads of water dripping down the side of his face. “He took our advice and volunteered for once!”

“Apparently he’s quite the hit,” John muses, subtly shaking his head at the Sergeant’s silliness. “Did you even manage to get one?” He eyes the pails tacitly.

“Actually, yeah. Won the contest, just like I said I would,” Kyle confesses, holding up the little plastic trophy he’d gotten.

“Guess those kids need to practice more,” you joke, eliciting a laugh from the men. As the quiet settles between the three of you, the sun finally dipping under the horizon leaving you all in the relative dark, your thoughts wander back. “I thought we were meeting at your house to catch the end of the game though?” Even if it isn’t your favorite thing to watch, you enjoy the guys’ company.

“We are, the boys said they’d meet us back here once they cleaned up,” John informs you. With the sun having set, the festivities were definitely coming to an end. It shouldn’t be too much longer.

“I’ve already got it all cleaned up here! Just need to put these back in the garage, if you two wanna go ahead and find them?” Kyle encourages. Considering your station really only had a candy bowl, you’re more than sure Markowski can handle it. Kyle’s partner joins you all, and with the quick emptying of the three pails and a collection of the apples into one, it’d only take the breaking down of a foldable table for them to clean up.

A quick glance at the Captain tells you he’s waiting on you, his brow quirked in that questioning way. He has his answer when you peel off, heading toward where you know, at least, Johnny is. The fog machine is still clearly on as you have to wave your hand in front of your face, the weird somewhat chemical smelling fumes emanating from it turning your stomach. The small plastic fencing is still in place, and while there are maybe one or two fake headstones still sitting around, it doesn’t take long to find Johnny.

“Nice costume,” you compliment, unable to help the teasing smirk from settling on your lips. Eyeing him up and down, he really did put a lot of effort into his costume! He’d clearly cut off the bottom of a pair of jeans, the frayed edges giving it away. Besides the homemade shorts which he’d stuck a tail out the back, he’d left his plaid flannel halfway undone exposing his unruly chest hair, adorned a headband of ears, and a snout tied around his face with a string.

“Why, thank you, Lass,” he responds, sitting the decorations he’d picked up on his hips. “Weren’t we supposed to meet you at Kyle’s though?”

“Yeah, but we got done early, so the Cap’ and I came to get you,” you relay him in on the information. “How was it? Scare a lot of kids this year?”

Johnny chuckles before his eyes light up at the mention of the evening. “Yeah! We actually-”

“Ready?” The Captain’s voice cuts off Johnny’s story as he’d finally caught up. You’d supposed he’d been admiring the details in the decorations.

With a split-second glance over your shoulder you respond. “Yeah! Just gotta find the LT first and then we’re good to go.” Refocused on Johnny and wanting to hear the stories from tonight, his eyes aren’t on you, but over your shoulder on the Captain.

“Found him,” Johnny announces nonchalantly.

“Where?” You ask rhetorically, turning. It’s then that the closeness of a body looming over you sends you reeling back, stumbling, almost falling on your butt. While Johnny tried to catch you, and an embarrassing yelp had left your mouth, you can’t help but purse your lips out of embarrassment as the three men before you cackle.

“Behind you,” the Captain finally answers, coughing in between big breaths of laughter.

Johnny had dropped the cheap decorations, bent over with his hands on his knees as he wheezes in laughter.

However, it’s the loud boisterous laughs coming from the hunched over Grim Reaper before you that does it. The Lieutenant really had taken your advice and dressed up. He’s got a hooded cape on, a plastic scythe, and dawned his usual mask. It’s amusing, really, the way you’d never seen him laugh this hard before, and you can’t help but join in.

“Sorry, I just had to,” the Lieutenant finally apologizes, to which you accept immediately.

“It’s okay, Riley. I’ll just have to get you back,” you taunt. There’s a pat on your back, and you look over your shoulder.

“Good luck with that,” Johnny says down to you before taking the lead on continuing to pick up the last of the decorations.

It’s only as you’ve just helped them get their decorations ready to haul back to the garage when Kyle shows up. Despite it still being a bit foggy, it was easy enough to spot the lot of you. “Did I miss something?” He asks, turning to watch the Captain carry some of the headstones past him.

“Nope,” the Grim Reaper says just behind Kyle’s ear. This elicits the same response it did from you, and you can’t help the laughter that tumbles free.

“He did it to me too, don’t worry,” you finally manage to get out. It’d almost caused you to drop the fog machine you’re carrying in one hand. “Johnny! You’ll never guess what just happened!” You shout after the men a few feet ahead of you, trailing after them. The sooner you’re all done, the sooner you can head to the Captain’s and the usual festivities will ensue. All in all, though, it was a pretty good Halloween, you’d say. It’s not everyday Ghost dresses up, let alone scares half the team.

~~~~~~~~~~

forever taglist: @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo , @ohdamnadam , @penelopepine

[blkkizzat]

Mmm prof sukuna is just...yummy. I can't even.

But since we're doing this, Prof Gojo. He teaches theoretical physics. Your major required you to take it. So you do, your senior year of undergrad. But you're an experimental physics kinda person. So you argue with him day and night. So it surprises you when you're a grad student that he seeks you out to bounce ideas off of. He invites you to join a collaboration. He introduces you to people. This man is not your advisor, but he's always creating an opportunity for you. Eventually, your going to dinner meetings with him and several other professors from the department. You're surprised to learn they ALL think you're his girlfriend. And he doesn't deny it. In fact, he just smirks and changes the subject. Now no matter who you deny it to, they all just say that you don't have to pretend and that it's not that weird. Except now, no one asks you out. Because they all think you're taken. You ask Satoru to clear things up and he just says to let it pass. The more you deny it, the worse it'll get. Eventually, eventually, you just give up and hang around him like normal. You're getting good opportunities out of it and he's a really good friend. Even if he is a theoretical physicist. But it all changes after you defend your dissertation. He comes and listens and afterward takes you for ice cream, and he kisses you. he tells you he was waiting until you weren't a student anymore. You're flabbergasted. And a little mad cause you barely get laid for two and a half years cause everyone you met on campus thought you were dating this man and time off campus was rare. But fear not cause you decide to get even. You demand he make up for all 30 months you went without.

Side note: geto is def an English prof right? And Nanami is math?

- 🧠

🧠 nonny! pookies you eating with these! also prof geto is most def english, philosophy or anthro 100% and I can totally see prof nanami as math or he might be a dr on the md track and be your like attending when ur a resident kdhfkshfa.

prof gojo is really cute. i like how he played the long game and waited. i was surprised cause i didnt think he'd have it in him to do it but it make sense he could here if everyone thought you were dating already lefhdsdlkfhudslkfh. lmfao watch he's like fanning the flames himself behind your back.

ahhh wait i can't leave out my husband... even though i do NOT see him as an academic lmfao at all. buuuut WALK WITH ME HERE... professor toji of sports medicine.

prof toji happened to fall into the role more than anything. a former olympian he has over a dozen gold metals, the highest ever for a single person in japan and the first person to ever participate—let alone win in multiple categories. his physical prowess is a wonder to modern science and its purely his obsession with to being at his physical peak that drives him into academia so he could learn more about his body after being disillusioned with 'incompetent' personal trainers and physical therapist, taking his care into his own hands. prof toji now retired was practically begged to come to the university to teach. he teaches one class but mostly heads sports medicine at a university with a medical center where he trains and conditions sports athletes—you happen to be his TA/assistant, a former promising gymnast olympian but sidelined due to a wrist that never healed right. Toji is annoyed by you at first, brash disposition and a widower, he's not very personable at all. but one day you happen to be with him when his nanny has an emergency and drops a young 5 year old megumi off at his offices early. prof toji has to evaluate the swimmers in 20 minutes and it be too dangerous to take him to the pools, so you offer to watch him and toji, while skeptical has no choice but to let you. prof toji is quite shocked upon his return to find you in the aerobics area and megumi actually laughing—you taught him summersaults and he can almost do a cartwheel without falling over. he hasn't seen him laugh like that since his mom passed. prof toji feels indebted to you now and he hates that so he offers to take a look at your wrist even though you say theres 'nothing that can be done' which prof toji scoffs at. It takes a minor surgery and almost a year of physical therapy, strict diet and training regimine at his directive but your wrist actually heals!

fast forward 2 years and you are actually at the olympics! a bit older for the category but due to the immaculate physical therapy and training from prof toji you manage to get gold by mere fractions of points! taking it from the current champion of the last 3 years! prof toji is the first one to catch your eye when your scores are announced and when you flew into his arms out of gratitude he couldn't help the passionate kissed that followed as he literally kissed you for the first time in front of the whole world!

OMFGBFKSDHFKVA WAIT I ACTUALLLY ATE WITH THIS I ATE SO FUCKING HARDLJCSDLKJFHDSKJB I GOTTA WRITE THIS... NO STAWP I ALREADY HAVE TOO MCUHDFHSDJKCBK. WHO WANTS ME TO WRITE THIS?!

[cwritesforfun]

Regina George x Fem!Reader: Girl Crush

Regina George thinks a lot about Y/N. Like a lot and she talks about her a lot. After a talk with her new friends and her former girl squad, she realizes she is bisexual and that she likes Y/N!

I'm loosely incorporating lyrics from Girl Crush by Little Big Town and they will be in italics! Also - I know the song is about wanting another girl's man, but I used it differently.

** I don't own any of the characters, except for Y/N and Regina's jock friend, Sally** this is from my Wattpad but I added more here!!!!

Y/N = Your Name **

Regina's POV- Saturday Afternoon

I'm on my way to see Y/N. She invited me for a sleepover. We only see each other on weekends because she goes to a different school and it's at least a 30 minute drive away. My mom and her mom don't want either of us driving on week nights. If she ever needed me on a week night though, I would go in a heartbeat.

Recently I found out I was bisexual. I used Aaron back in junior year for power and because I was a b****!!!! I can admit that to myself now. I say now as if it has been so long since it happened. It's only spring of my senior year, so like half a year.

I arrive and knock on the door. Y/N’s mom opens the door and exclaims, "Ah Regina! Good to see you, sweetheart. Y/N is in the backyard already. I can bring your bag to her room if you want to go straight out there." I reply, "Thank you. That's perfect! I'll go out back! Thanks for having me." She replies, "No problem sweetie. You girls have fun." I nod and smile.

I walk through the house, go outside to the chairs next to the pool, and sit next to Y/N, who is lost reading. She's beautiful.

I ask, "Aren't you gonna say hi to your guest?" Y/N looks up, smiles, jumps up, and hugs me. I hug her back and smile. Wow, can we hug forever? Maybe? Pls. She says, "Omg Regina! I'm so sorry! I was just so lost in my book and I lost track of time." Old me would have made fun of her for being such a nerd. New me doesn't do that. That is personal growth.

After we release from the hug, I smile at her. She smiles back and asks, "Sooo... did you wear your swimsuit and want to swim?" I answer, "Yes, and yes!" She then takes off her sundress and she's left in her bikini. My jaw drops. She's wow. Stunning, beautiful, pretty, and perfect. Y/N laughs and replies, "Regina, are you okay over there? Did my bikini leave you speechless?" Oh, she has no idea. I reply, "I ... It is actually very flattering. You look really good." Was it too obvious that I like her? She answers, "Thank you so much." I take off my dress and she says "I love your bathing suit too. Everything is better in pink." She's so sweet! Wow:) I reply, "True."

We both swim and eventually she brings two floats over, so we can both lay on them. We float around the pool and we talk about our life recently.

I get out the pool to grab some water and Y/N swims a little more.

I lie back on the pool chair and Y/N pulls herself out of the pool. Ahhh you know how people do! She places her hands on the side of the pool and pulls herself up and out of the pool letting the water fall down her body. If I didn't already have a crush on her, I would now. That song by Little Big Town goes through my head ... I got a girl crush Hate to admit it but I got a heart rush It ain't slowing down...

She walks over to the chair area and smirks at me. I want to taste her lips ...

I ask, "So what's for lunch?" ... You? She answers, "My mom's making lunch. We found this yummy summer salad recipe and we decided to have smoothies since we will need something to cool us down. Tonight's dinner is going to be so good though because it is pasta and I made dessert." I smile and reply, "Good! I look forward to it!"

Her younger brother walks outside and hands Y/N a tray of two salads + two smoothies. We thank him and he walks off.

She hands me my food and we eat together.

I ask, "Can I ask you something kind of personal?" She answers, "Go ahead." I ask, "This is just something I've been thinking about recently. How do you feel about having friends that are LGBTQ? And what is your sexual orientation?" Yeah I didn't go the subtle route. She answers, "I think everyone deserves to be with whoever they love, so I'm cool with having friends who have different preferences than me. I think it's great to surround yourself with all kinds of different people. I am bisexual actually. What about you?" I answer, "I'm bisexual or I think I am. I only just kind of discovered it, but my friends at my new school said it was obvious. I didn't know it was obvious, but I guess it was." She laughs and smiles.

We continue talking outside until we decide to shower. I take a shower in her bathroom first and when I walk in, I see her perfume. I take off the lid off, smell it, and I smile. This smell is Y/N and it's wonderful. I want to drown myself... In a bottle of her perfume...

After my shower, I throw on my matching pink pajama set and I take a teeny bit of her perfume and put it on me. I then leave the bathroom.

Y/N goes in and showers.

As she's in the bathroom, I call my friend from lacrosse named Sally.

((Start of conversation)) R- Regina S- Sally S - Hey Regina. I thought you were with you know who. What happened with that? Is it not going well? R - Hi Sally. She's in the shower right now. I don't know what to do. S - Join her. R - I already took a shower and no I'm not doing that just yet. I haven't even told her that I like her. S - OK fine. What has happened so far?" R - We hugged, swam, sunbathed, ate lunch, and each took showers. I ... I also dropped my jaw seeing her bikini and just complimented her. It was a close call. Then I asked her what her sexual orientation is and she told me that she is bisexual. I told her I was too. She smiled about it. I just don't know if I want to tell her now or later or ever. S - I ship you two. You're so into her that I'm surprised it took you forever to realize it. What else is planned for the day? R - Dinner with the family and usually we watch a movie plus Y/N made a dessert for tonight, why? S- Wow, you're already meeting the family. I'm so proud of you. R - Omg geez Sally! Not like that! Haha! S - Fine fine whatever you say. Just tell her you like her. She knows you're bi and you know she's bi. That means you have a sliver of a chance. Take that leap. R - A sliver of a chance means I could still get rejected. Okay, I'm gonna go. Thanks, Sally. S - No problem Regina. Go get your girl. ((End of conversation))

I hang up laughing.

Y/N walked back into the room near the end. I notice her outfit and it's identical pajamas to mine just in a different color. I exclaim, "Omg I love your outfit. Wow, I always forget we have matching ones and then this happens." She replies, "Goals right?!" I laugh and nod. Y/N asks, "So, who were you talking to?" I answer, "My friend, Sally." Y/N asks, "Isn't Sally your lacrosse friend?" I answer, "Yeah, she's really cool and friendly. You'd like her." She replies, "I'll have to go to one of your games this semester to meet her and of course, to support you." I ask, "Wait you'll come to my soccer games to support me?" She answers, "Of course Regina. I'm so proud of how far you've come in both soccer and personal growth this year. I have to support you! And, at least this isn't the dance you did for the talent show." I laugh and ask, "Wait you didn't like it?" She laughs, smirks, and answers, "I liked it when you were dancing and center stage, you were really good." Did she just say I was a good dancer?! I was dating Aaron Samuels at the time, but I really wanted Y/N's opinion. So she liked my dance?! She might actually like me.

Her brother knocks and lets us know dinner is ready.

We go downstairs and eat dinner with her family. It's so good!!

After dinner, we eat dessert and Y/N asks, "How do you like the dessert?" I answer, "It's literally so delicious." She replies, "Thanks. I'm glad you liked it."

After dessert, we go to Y/N's bathroom to brush our teeth. I glance over at Y/N brushing her teeth and smirk causing toothpaste to slip out of my mouth. It's like we're an old married couple in a movie. Imagine me living with Y/N forever and always being her person. That would be the life. I really like her.

We both spit our toothpaste out and Y/N asks, "What made you laugh?" I answer, "Oh nothing. It's a silly idea." I then walk out and to my bag.

When I'm done, I get on her bed and she sits down next to me. She faces me and rests her hand on my hand. Y/N exclaims, "Regina, whatever you have to say, just say it. It made you smile. I want to know what made you smile. I care. I won't call it silly. I promise." I nod and say, "As we brushed our teeth, it just reminded me of old romantic movies where married couples brush their teeth together. That's all." I glance over at her and she replies, "I think that's a cute idea, Regina." Awww. Well, do I take that sliver of a chance? I think I will.

I exclaim, "Y/N, I like you. I've liked you for a while and I just didn't realize that I liked girls until recently. And when I realized it, it all clicked and I've just had a crush on you forever. I know that makes us hanging out awkward depending on what you say back, but I really like you. I just think you're perfect and I'd love to take you out on a date." She smiles and says, "I would love to go on that date with you. I like you too." I smile and ask, "May I kiss you?" She nods and we kiss.

THANKS FOR READING!!! I LOVE YOU ALL :)

[afewproblems]

98 for Robin?

98. "Hold me back!"

Ahhh thank you very much for this! I'm sorry it was so late nonny!

This is taking place in the same universe as this piece which you can also read on AO3

***

"I swear to God" Robin moans as she smacks her head onto the counter, "I will walk into traffic if I have to explain the plot of Labyrinth one more time". 

Steve puts the money from the recent rental into the till and shrugs, "I dunno Birdy, I liked your take on it this time". 

She snorts, finally cracking a grin, "you just liked the look on her face when I talked about how half the movie is Bowie's package and the other half is Muppets". 

"Potato, Tomato," Steve hums, closing the till with a soft snick.

For a Saturday opening shift it had been strangely slow. 

They had their usual guests during the day, screaming children with parents who were clearly at the end of their tether. Irritating teens who stole as many snacks as their thieving little backpacks could handle. Movie nerds who asked for as many titles as they could think of before settling on something so obscure there was no way they carried it -or on the off chance Family Video did have it in their inventory, it was already checked out. 

However, with half an hour until Keith was set to arrive for the closing shift, the front door bell jingled harshly to announce a new presence in the store and in an instant Robin’s stomach falls into her shoes. 

Because Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins have just walked in. 

Robin has dealt with assholes from highschool before, she had to wear a sailor outfit with shorts for her last job for fucks sake, but she’s also never gotten into a physical fight with any schmucks from her forth period algebra class. 

Steve on the other hand…

He’s on the other side of the counter all of a sudden, standing in between her and Tommy.

His expression seems neutral, but Robin can read the line of tension in his shoulders as Carol whispers something into Tommy’s ear.

"Welcome to Family Video," Robin says, her voice clipped and stony, "it's two for one Saturday and all the sections are labeled so you should be able to get in and get out". 

"Come on, we just got here," Tommy scoffs, he's glaring openly at Steve while Carol seems to be scanning Robin, watching her carefully.

"Boy, you really do have a type huh Stevie," Carol sneers from Tommy's side, "at least this one plays an instrument, she's just as stuck up as Wheeler though from what I remember".

"If you guys don't want to rent anything, then leave," Steve says slowly, deliberately with wary hostility.

"You're suddenly so fucking tough huh?" Tommy scoffs, stepping closer towards Steve.

Carol moves with him but her eyes widen slightly in surprise, she grabs at his arm and pulls just slightly, "Tommy--"

"I'm not going to fight you man," Steve sighs, running a hand over his face and into his hair, Robin watches as his shoulders droop ever so slightly.

She knows Steve has complicated feelings about his former friends, they'd known one another for such a long time and those old feelings don't just disappear.

He'd been hurt to see Tommy and Carol gravitate towards Billy so easily. To egg him on as he bullied Steve their senior year, the tables turned so suddenly it was like whiplash.

Well, Steve may feel conflicted about his old shithead friends, but Robin has no such compunction.

"He won't but I will," Robin blurts out, the words run away from her faster than she can even catch up to them.

Steve closes his eyes, his expression pained while Tommy and Carol both turn to her with equal looks of surprise. 

Huh, it's the first time in her life she's ever seen Carol Perkins speechless and it's glorious. 

Robin lets the thrill of it carry her forward until she's stepped around the counter to stand beside Steve.

“Yeah, Steve's gonna have to hold me back,” Robin snarls as she grabs Steve’s hand and places it on her own shoulder. 

Steve gives her a withering look as he mimes pulling a zipper over his own mouth.

"You let your bitch off her leash huh Harrington?" Tommy says with a lecherous grin as he stares at them both.

He lets out two barks and laughs again as he swings an arm around Carol's shoulder, her tinkling laugh joins his own and Robin can't believe this is even happening. Did she hit her head getting out of Steve's car this morning?

Fuck this.

"Funny stuff Hagan," Robin bites out, "your ass must be pretty jealous of your mouth for all the nasty shit it gets to spew in public".

"What did you just say to me?" Tommy snarls as he stomps closer, his ears have turned a ruddy pink that matches the flush crawling up his neck.

Carol tries to reach for his arm, whispering, "just drop it Tommy, let's go," but he wrenches away from her and continues forward, only stopping as a flat palm catches him in the chest.

Steve stands his ground in front of Tommy, looking down his nose with cold eyes. 

Steve told her about the last time he and Tommy had squared off. It was just before Robin spotted Steve outside the corner store while she waited for her mother to pay for their things, the aftermath that she hadn't thought much of at the time, but now…

Steve walks forward, using his height to his advantage to tower imposingly over Tommy, his face twisted into a vicious snarl that Robin has only seen one other time, underneath Starcourt.

"Get out, I don't want to tell you again Tommy," Steve says lowly under his breath, just loud enough that Robin has to strain to hear him. 

Tommy's eyes narrow as his mouth pulls into a sneer, "and what are you gonna do about it, you're not scary Harrington," he grins despite taking a step back as Steve continues forward, pushing them towards the front door. 

"I don't have to be scary, but I do have an in with your drug dealer and I can make it impossible for you to score for as long as you live in this godforsaken shithole". 

"You're bluffing".

"Try me," Steve whispers just as the bell dings again at the front of the store. Tommy doesn't look away from Steve even as Carol exclaims a small, 'oh', beside him.

Robin smirks and leans back against the counter, raising her hand in an enthusiastic wave towards the entrance, "hey Eddie!"

Tommy curses under his breath and wrenches himself away from Steve, just in time to see the murderous expression on Eddie's face. 

Carol takes the opportunity to grab at the sleeve of Tommy's shirt and drag him the last few steps away towards the door, they give Eddie a wide berth as they pass. 

Tommy glares at Steve and Robin the entire way, muttering curses under his breath as Robin blows them a kiss with her middle finger.

The bell jingles again as the door swings open and falls gently closed, leaving them in an uneasy silence. 

"You guys okay?" Eddie says quietly after a beat, he steps towards Steve, his brow pinched with concern.

Steve nods silently before turning towards Robin. She expects a lecture from the frown on his face but blinks in surprise as Steve pulls her into a tight hug.

"Don't do that again," he mumbles into her hair, she opens her mouth to speak, to insist that she doesn't need a babysitter like his gaggle of children.

"I know it's just Tommy," Steve breathes out as though reading her mind, "but I don't think I could handle it if something happened to you Robin, I mean it". 

And all at once the fight drains out of her as Robin wonders just how she wound up with someone like Steve Harrington in her corner. 

"I wasn't going to let them talk shit," she huffs, despite pressing even closer, she feels his head shake against her own.

"I can take a hit and I'm not going to let some asshole have a chance to go after you too," he says sharply. 

Robin rolls her eyes and steps back just enough to look him in the eyes, "remember what your annoying child friend said, if you die, I die".

She shrugs at the incredulous expression on his face, "what? Smartest thing that kid has ever said". 

"You're ridiculous," Steve whispers and there's so much warm affection in his voice as he squeezes her once more, that Robin has to bury her face in his shoulder to hide the sudden shine in her eyes.

Eddie seems to take this as his cue to move forward and let his hand rest on Steve's lower back, the pinched look fading slightly as he smiles at Robin. 

"Well, my original plan was to take Stevie here, out after his shift, buuut I'm thinking the three of us are in need of a night on the town, what do you say Buckaroo?" Eddie asks with a waggles of his eyebrows and a wide grin. 

"I'll come if you never call me that again," Robin says with as much of a straight face as she can muster.

Steve barks out a laugh as he leans into Eddie's side, "oh you've done it now Buckaroo". 

Robin squawks and flaps her hands at Steve until he ducks away behind Eddie who immediately shields his face with his hands. 

"You think way too highly of me if you think that's where I'm aiming," Robin says dryly, snorting as Eddie gasps and lifts a leg for further protection, prompting them both to collapse into a fit of giggles while Steve watches fondly.

They all eventually relax, falling into an easy conversation as Steve and Robin finish up the last of the morning duties. The tension from earlier fading away as Eddie sits on the counter top, with his eyes on the door, watching out, just in case.

[meeks-just-wants-to-scroll]

thank you

kieran is a decent shot but is terrifying with a knife (people are not that different to fish). 110% he would win a 1v1 knife fight every time and thanks to army training he's pretty decent at disarming people in hand on hand combat. would take a knife to a gun fight and have a chance of winning

probably taller than 90% of the gang if he actually corrected his posture

his parents died when he was a proper baby only 8 or 9 and he pick-pocketed to survive along with a bunch of other urchins like the saint denis gang. he's still pretty good at it and is really good at being stealthy/light on his feet despite his stature (helpful for not getting noticed by the crueler VDLs)

he also became a pretty good liar and con artist as part of living on the street and getting out of trouble when caught (this is heavily inspired by how differently he treats gang members, happily tells karen he is a baby to get sympathy, people-pleasing 'whatever you say miss with mary-beth, needles arthur back a bit when they go fishing)

probably has a touch of the old imposter syndrome because he never really had the chance to figure out who he was he's just been focused on survival since since day 1. he loves horses because he doesn't have to worry about what mask he has to wear with them

he's frankly not sure how old he is on account of how young he was when his parents died. he enlisted for the army when he looked old enough, in reality he was probs only 17 and barely got in based on his facial hair, which he had never shaved a day in his life since it started growing (hc late 20s/early 30s in game)

he was in the infantry division. consistent food and routine after a decade of fighting for scraps and being spit on? he loved it. very upstanding, attentive, kept his uniform clean and sharp. was there years before he saw active combat. then he fucking hated it. refused to follow orders. was not dying over land. was not shooting at unarmed people. dishonorably discharged. would have deserted if they didn't.

looks like an absolute fucking baby without facial hair and would sooner bite someone than be clean shaven because he hates it

gets very irritable when he hasn't had a cigarette for a while. has picked cigarette butts of the ground for a quick hit. would have broken faster about six point cabin if they offered him a cigarette.

lying through his teeth about his time with the o'driscolls. he was probably with them closer to a year, and a little higher than bottom-rung. got to pick and choose what missions he went on, talk to colm directly, most knew his name ect. i cannot see him having the balls to argue with colm o'driscoll himself unless he had some level of protection/seniority within the gang esp given the circumstances of how he joined. he was trusted enough to ride off on his own without running off?

in saying that. he was definitely considering running off in colter. at no point does he try to fight arthur. no way he wasn't armed. just oh no i am being abducted this is v bad. don't give me food for weeks? still like you more than colm can i stay with you pls

AHHH!!! I READ THIS THE DAY YOU SENT IT BUT I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND BECAUSE I WASN’T REALLY EXPECTING PEOPLE TO ACTUALLY SEND IN THEIR HEADCANONS, THANK YOU THESE ARE WONDERFUL!

:D You explained these all beautifully and I feel like I couldn’t say much more, but I’ll try to “yes and…” everything you said because I feel it is worth exploring these ideas you proposed. Long HC ramble under the divider.

1) I don’t know much about 1800’s military training but I can see Kieran being a knife guy like you said. He has a custom knife in game (at the very least he has a custom pistol). Him being good with a knife makes me think of how he comes off as unarmed from a distance but harbors a wicked knife up close. I am sure he mainly uses his knife for cutting fishing line or whittling sticks in his free time. He used it for cutting up animals he hunted while with his past gang. That knife has gotten him through a lot, it’s practically an heirloom at this point; it kept him alive and is one of the few things he fully owns and kept from his youth.

2+3+4) lanky scary guy is stealthy!! Yes!! I would like to mention how no one in the VDL gang noticed Kieran wandering off and getting a gun belt from a corpse during the firefight in A Social Call Mission. He did all of that AND was swift enough to save Arthur. I agree that he was very young when his parents died. I more so think 11-13 in my HC but that’s just because I feel like the stables would rather kick out a tween/teen than a little kid. This blends into your 4th point about being a con artist. Kieran knows his strengths and weaknesses. He knows that people see a scrawny little boy before they see him as a thief. Squirming and squabbling can be enough of a distraction to get away with things.

I don’t have a good explanation for how Kieran did this since he can’t leave camp, but while I was playing, I saw Kieran donated a jewel necklace to the camp funds (and not to brag on his behalf, but he donated WAY MORE $$ than the other members 🤭). Kieran still can pull his weight in pickpocketing, even in game. I imagine he does it without straying too far from camp by pretending he is sick or hungry and thirsty on the side of well traveled paths and getting close enough to strangers to swipe something. It’s subtle enough to not draw attention to camp, yet effective enough to be worth it in the long run.

5+6) I agree on imposter syndrome! One hc I have is that Kieran was raised an only child while traveling westward to California with his parents meaning he had no consistent kids his age to be with. Even in the military (where he SHOULD be surrounded by his peers) he never really connected in a genuine way. Being roughened up by being an outlaw after that just made it harder to emotionally connect since so much required not breaking down if a group member dies. It’s odd; Kieran is unwilling to be vulnerable, but he isn’t this stoic wall. Instead he has this decoy vulnerability?… he’d rather people see him as a weak guy if it gets him out of a physical hurt yet he won’t be vulnerable if it means running the risk of being emotionally hurt.

7) I know very little about 1800’s military (and my cursory research has been shallow thus far) but I imagine it was better than being homeless and orphaned! Food, shelter and routine, like you said. I imagine Kieran was an obedient and hard working kid; helped his family with horses, fishing and hunting. Pre-outlaw Kieran felt conflicted about killing people. I mean… he joined the army so he isn’t clueless that he had to kill, but killing on paper vs actually killing is very different, plus he was a puny teen without a fully developed brain when he enlisted.

Once Kieran became an outlaw, he had to make some sort of peace / find some silver lining to killing. You have to have morally dubious ways of coping with being an outlaw or else you go mad. One way was him (guiltily or not) finding some thrill in gunfights or knife fights. Made him feel good for once about being an easy to underestimate guy. He got to taunt, shout, and watch his enemies faces contort in pain and horror.

8) the facial hair stuff!! I agree that Kieran likely looks like an exhausted young adult under all the scruff. I imagine Kieran has put value into his unkempt looks. He does care for hygiene (source: he says it in cut audio) but he can’t bring himself to trim his facial or head hair because he feels it is the only thing making him a man. Like you said, imposter syndrome, he doesn’t feel like he’s an actual adult who has his life together. I’m sure Kieran has some out-dated ideas of what makes a man (out-dated by modern day standards). Stuff like being strong, a provider, hairy, deep voiced, etc. Kieran isn’t many of those things. Having a snaggly beard is his tiny grasp on meeting what he wishes he could be. I also think he hasn’t cut his hair that much because of a lack of salons while being an outlaw.

9) I honestly forget most of the characters in RDR2 smoke… but I agree! Growing up with a smoker as a parent who tried to quite cold turkey a few times, I know how hellish withdrawal is on a person. While in Colter, tied up, Kieran was the most bellicose because of withdrawals peaking (upon other things). I feel like some point between his parent’s dying and him joining the outlaws was when he took up smoking.

10+11) Kieran was DEFINITELY lying about how involved he was with the O’Drisc, agreed. I see him as being with them for likely 6 months to a year. Maaayyybe more but I feel like Kieran ran with his prior gang for most of his adult life. To me, Kieran is fibbing a half truth when he says he wasn’t close with Colm and he was merely a stable boy. He WAS that, but with being an obedient, hardworking chore boy, he was kept around long enough to make it up little by little till he was on missions out of camp collecting supplies or defending territory/camp. Kieran was always a pawn, never someone Colm actually cared for. Kieran was just the least-annoying gang goon Colm could bring into the mountains to watch the horses in the cold stables. The fact Kieran was even spotted by the VDL gang was bad luck.

I don’t know why he is riding out of the camp solo before Arthur catches him ;-; my best guess would be Kieran was going to meet up with other members but when a fight with the O’Drisc vs VDL broke out in camp, Kieran took it as his chance to get the fuck out of there.

On the topic of getting the fuck out, Kieran didn’t fight as much as he could when Arthur got him, I agree. When his life depends on it, he will fight like a cornered animal, all knife slashing and wild-eyed. Whether Kieran fights or goes limp and pleads pathetically depends on the situation. When Kieran fled from the O’Drisc camp firefight, he knew he wouldn’t last out there unless he got off the mountain. Being snatched and dragged to an enemy camp was better than dying of exposure. I mean… everything in his life sucks. Kieran gets no easy options. Sometimes he just has to go limp and be tied up and see where life brings him.

His relationship with Colm is interesting. I don’t think Colm cares very much about Kieran (keep in mind I don’t actually know Colm’s character well since I haven’t finished the game). From what Kieran describes of him, I feel it was all things Kieran observed or eavesdropped on while doing chores or sitting around the camp. Who knows tho! I am open to the idea that Kieran was of higher rank and indeed had more reasons to talk with Colm directly. I don’t know much about the O’Driscoll gang inner workings.

Ah!! Once again, thank you so much :) I love all your headcanons and it was a blast brainstorming about your ideas.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Little Earthquakes - An Original Story.

So, besties. I thought I'd test the waters with the prologue to my new story. I know so many of you aren't here for originals, but I can but hope I'll find a few readers. Nothing would delight me more! Now, let's get to introducing you to the new world and people within it! I've tagged a few people who I thought might be interested, but if not, no worries.

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed.

Words - 2,831

Warnings - 18+ throughout. Minors DNI!

Prologue.

In every year group of every school the world over, there is always the girl. She’s the one whom other girls covet to be like, and pretty much all of the boys want to get with. In the year eleven group of Fulham Green Academy, west London, back in two thousand and five, that girl had been Holly Madden.  

She was popular, kind, proficient academically, and god, she was beautiful. Holly was also the girl one of her classmates would have asked out in a heartbeat, had Nathan ever been able to sum up the courage to open his mouth and speak to her. Various other factors prevented such, too, namely that they socialised in two vastly different groups at their mixed senior school. She was one of the popular girls, after all, and Nathan one of the alternative kids.  

The two groups seldom mixed.  

That was until one night when Lee Harris, the kid who loved everybody regardless of what social group they slotted into, threw a large end of term party. It was a classic example of ‘my parents are on holiday, I’m not, everybody come over!’ that led to much teenage abandon and hedonistic excess. Especially if your name was Nathan Gill.  

The only difference? He hadn’t actually wanted to end up in the state he had. Not at all. Enter one Chris Lawrence and a tray full of weed-infused brownies. 

“This tastes weird,” Nathan announced, yet for the kid with a massive disposition for demolishing anything chocolatey, it still hadn’t stopped him from consuming it. 

Chris didn’t know how the hell he managed to stop himself from falling apart laughing, standing with their cohort Kelsey, both playing captive audience to the mild deception of their friend. “Does it? Can’t think why, blud.” 

“Yeah.” He then paused in chewing the last mouthful, watching his friends carefully. “Why are you’s staring at me?”  

“No reason,” Kelsey chimed, clapping a hand to his shoulder, almost able to hear his brain ticking away within his skull. 

“Have you put something in this?” The two snorts of laughter were confirmation that yes, they very much had. “Oh, shit off! Nah man, that’s proper messed up.”  

His friends howled, watching a very disgruntled Nathan deal with the confirmation that he had indeed been doped. Chris reached for him, ruffling his hair. “Bruv, it’s only a bit of ganja, yeah?” 

“Yeah, but I don’t pissing smoke weed, do I?” 

“And you still haven’t,” Chris chimed. “You’ve ate it!” 

The pout on his face had his friends furtherly descending. “Don’t like being stoned though, do I? That’s why I don’t have nothing to fucking do with the cheeba!” Getting a rise out of the usually very chilled, very zen Nathan was half the fun of it. Seeing him stoned off his balls was the other, Nathan still furious as he finished the remainer of his can of Carlsberg. “I’m not talking to either of you’s.” 

How right he was, for when it kicked in, speech was beyond him completely. 

“Nath, you alright, mate?” Lee, the party host asked an hour later, finding Nathan sitting at the kitchen nook with a pad of paper and a pen. A note was scrawled. 

“Yeah, just can’t speak. Too mashed. Got spiked via cake.” 

Reading the words, he began to laugh. “Ahhh, the pot brownies? Nice!” More scribbling followed. 

“Not nice! I don’t like weed!” 

To Lee’s credit, he held in the desire to piss himself laughing at his mate’s anguish.  

“Oh, right! You want a coffee or something? My mum has the fancy machine so I’ll make you one if you want?” 

“No thanks. Just wanna throw Chris and Kels into a pissing landfill!” 

He boomed with laughter, shaking his head. “Well, I best be moving along, got to do the mingling thing. Later mate!” 

“Bye.”  

He was left alone then, except for the glances from across the kitchen from Kelsey, who was trying her luck chatting up one of the sixth form girls while keeping a watchful eye on him. That suited him fine, not actually able to speak anyway, sitting there feeling very, very high. It was a different high to smoking it, he had to confess, but he still didn’t like it much.  

He felt very fuzzy around the edges, his vision faltering a little bit, but not so much that he couldn’t make out the face of the girl he fancied when she approached him half an hour later. Oh, god. Why Holly Madden? Why now? 

Sitting down in the nook adjacent to him, her smile glowed. “Hi, Nathan. You okay?” He turned the pad of paper to her and pointed to the first statement he’d written to Lee, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole. “Ohhhh, not one for weed then, no?” 

“Bingo.” 

“Do you want me to leave you be, or can I kotch here? I need a time out, too many drunk people.” 

He scribbled, feeling his heart racing. Holly Madden wanted to sit with him. Him! 

“That’s fine, but I’ll be on mute for the foreseeable.”  

Shrugging, she smiled, a smile that made his heart skip. “That’s fine. I’m not really into loud people. Even when you’re talking you seem quiet and chilled. I like that.”  

She’d actually noticed those attributes? Oh, god. It was a good job he couldn’t speak, because if he could he’d have likely ballsed it up spectacularly. Then again, it wasn’t surprising. Holly was very much like the party host in the fact she was open to mingling with everyone, regardless of her status as one of the popular girls. “So, I noticed your display board for the examiners before we broke up. That charcoal you did of the snake was incredible!” 

They’d been in the same art group as well as form class at school, submitting their final presentation to the exam board in the shape of a display of their work, which made up half of their GSCE grade. Nathan nodded, taking the pen and scribbling out a note.  

“Thanks. I was proud of that one. Loved your stuff, too.”  

She was sure he was just being polite since their artistic styles so vastly differed, but thanked him for the compliment anyway. “I’m crapping myself about the results. I really, really want to get in at UAL. Are you thinking uni, too, or something else?” 

Again, he began to write. “Yeah, uni. Loughborough, I wanna get out of London for a few years.” 

It was a good university, showing clearly that he had a lot of ambition. Sitting there, Holly began to feel a little uncomfortable, the manor of communication strange in the fact he couldn’t actually speak. Also, she felt shy. He had no idea how fucking cute he was, which was an odd feeling to experience, being that he was the furthest from her usual taste in guys.  

“Well, I’m going to head back to my friends. If you regain the power of speech, come find me.” 

Come find her? She actually wanted him to come and find her? While his brain flew into a panic, his note was calm and succinct.  

“Alright. Bye, Holly.” Whether or not he could, he knew that he wouldn’t, though, waiting until she’d left the kitchen before groaning and pulling his hood up over his head as he slumped down, wanting to hide. Oh, the shame of it. Too stoned to talk to the girl he liked when the opportunity to do so had landed right in his lap, and he’d blown it.  

Fuck Chris. Fuck Kelsey.  

He had to hand it to the latter, though. At midnight when they’d left, she’d been the one to carry him over her shoulder into the waiting taxi when he’d found he was without the use of his legs as well as his voice. Thank goodness she was a big girl, just a little shorter than him at six feet to his six feet two, and built like an ox.  

She’d also carried him safely up the stairs and into her bed, stripping his skate trainers and jeans before climbing in herself, definitely worse for wear. Being very much out in her status as a lesbian, her parents didn’t give two hoots about her sharing a bed with male friends at all, knowing there was more chance of hell freezing over than any sexual shenanigans occurring between them.  

Not that either of them had ever tiptoed out of virgin territory at that point in their lives. As he fell asleep, Nathan kicked himself that the girl he very much would have liked to change that with had been the one he couldn’t even speak to, and now it was too late. He’d likely never cross paths with the beautiful Holly Madden again now they’d left school. 

He was partly right there, their lives leading them in very different directions for many years after that night. Nineteen, to be exact. While she had never left London, Nathan had been to Loughborough, lived up in Edinburgh for a few years, gone over to spend time in Dublin, living a very carefree existence as a freelance tattoo artist who travelled from shop to shop. 

Life was everything he’d ever wanted it to be, and he all but forgot about Holly completely. 

Arriving back in London at twenty-seven, he’d met a girl, deciding to set up permanent roots in the city again. He and Lisa had married a year later, and a few months after that he, Kelsey and Chris had all gone into business together. The three had coveted to work in the tattoo world since their time at school, Nathan the only one who had gotten an apprenticeship and done it right out of leaving university.  

Kelsey had tired of the monotony of managing bars, and Chris was more than fed up of work in retail, so both had moved into their chosen field finally six and three years before, respectively. In two thousand and seventeen, Carpe Diem had opened its doors on Sailsbury Road, Queen’s Park.  

It was truly wonderful, the three best friends all reunited and running a thriving business together. Until the day where things started to go awry for one of them finally came along.  

“Kels, why you hovering, blud?” Chris asked, glad to be coming to the end of a lot of linework on the full backpiece he was starting on his client that afternoon. Pausing to reload ink, he raised an eyebrow, looking to the back of the shop as Kelsey listened in at the door of the private room used for clients receiving a body piercing.  

Craning her ears, she could hear it just above the sound of music playing, the band Soundgarden’s classic Black Hole Sun muffling the other noise emanating. Well, unless you listened closely, like her. With widened eyes, she moved away rapidly, shaking her head with her hands held out wide. 

“Oh, no, no, no.”  

Chris was perplexed. “What?” 

Jerking her thumb, she mouthed her reply, lest the client on the table before him hear what she’d had to. “He’s shagging in there.”  

His eyes all but fell out onto the hardwood floor beneath his feet. “Fuck off!” he mouthed back. 

“I’m serious!” she hissed in whisper, waving a pointed finger towards the back of the shop rapidly before beginning to clean down her station, ready and fresh for her next client. It wasn’t so much that he was a married man shagging somebody who wasn’t his wife, since he and Lisa were recently separated, it was the lack of professionalism to be doing it at his place of business with the girl whose navel he’d just pierced that shocked his friends more than anything.  

It would be fair to say he hadn’t quite been right since his marriage had come to an end. If either was truly honest, his behaviour had been very decidedly unlike the Nathan they knew and loved for much longer. Shagging around now that he was separated was one thing, but doing such with a client right there in the shop, though, was quite another. People talked, after all.  

Kelsey stewed on it as she continued cleaning her station, not wanting his reputation as one of the most talented tattoo artists in the city to become besmirched by such, or the good name of the shop to suffer either. After all, it wasn’t solely his livelihood this kind of behaviour could affect.  

Five minutes later and the door opened, the girl walking out before Nathan, who moved to the sales desk and took her payment for the piercing. With Chris’s client also now out the door, the two artists turned to their friend, the latter shaking his head. 

“Who’s been a bad lad then, ay?” 

Nathan didn’t have a poker face for the life of him, yet still, he tried. “What?” 

“Oh, no, no, no,” Kelsey stated, pointing at him. “Can’t fool us. I know sex moaning when I hear it, no matter how quiet. Listen, you wanna sow your oats now you and Lisa have split, go ahead. But not in the bloody shop, Nath!”  

He shrugged. “Weren’t like I was being that loud.” He then turned to Chris, mischief broadening his grin. “Had to cup my hand over her mouth. Poor girl ain’t ever had a pierced dick before, bruv.”  

His friend wanted to be supportive to Kelsey’s very real concerns, but the lad in him won out. “Fuckin’ a, blud! Little randy bastard, ay?”  

He held out his fist, Nathan bumping it as he chuckled filthily. “I’m a free man again, and shit, can you blame me? Proper gorgeous, she was.”  

“For the love of the virgin Mary’s knicker elastic!” Kelsey cried, placing her hands on her hips. “Can we take this seriously and set a rule? No shagging in the bloody shop!!”  

Nathan moved to her, grabbing her face in his hands and kissing her head. Immediately, she was aghast. “Don’t you kiss me! I don’t know where your mouth was ten minutes ago. I don’t want any miscellaneous fanny juice on my face!” 

“Never thought those words would ever leave your mouth, ay,” Chris interjected with on a snort. 

Nathan all but broke apart in hysterics completely at them, wrapping Kelsey in a big, tight hug. “You’re safe, didn’t have time for that. But chill out, ‘kay? Nothing to stress about, Kels. Just a one off.”  

Being held close by her friend, there was something else amiss, she noted. Or rather smelled. Nathan usually reeked of nothing but Fahrenheit aftershave, his staple scent since his teen years. Now though, it was tinged with the smell of alcohol. “You been drinking?” 

Letting her go, he shrugged, moving to begin sorting inks over at the storage shelves, knowing they needed to re-order. “Had a few last night. Probably sweating it out.”  

She left it there, but truly, she didn’t believe a word of it. It smelled fresh, not that stale, boozy sweat stink people suffered after a night on the piss. Also, he showered twice a day religiously. Besides, to her knowledge, he hadn’t even gone out the night before. She’d left him there at the shop at ten the previous evening, Nathan locking up before heading upstairs to the tiny flat above, where he was now living after Lisa had kicked him out.  

It was conflicting, because Nathan wasn’t a liar either, Kelsey doubting herself a little as she welcomed her next client, a guy who was having the side of his neck finished off by her that afternoon. All thoughts of her friend and his slightly off behaviour were put aside, concentrating one hundred percent on her task at hand.  

As for Nathan, he moved to his book of line drawings, taking the relevant one out and placing it on the light box to make sure he was one hundred percent happy with it. He prided himself on giving his clients the very best of his work. The young woman whose navel he’d pierced could definitely testify to that after the repeated push of his cock piercing against her g spot had made her come so hard, she’d almost passed out.  

He smirked as he thought about her, noting that she was the first girl he’d ever fucked whose name he neither knew nor cared to know. For a man who didn’t really do sleeping around even before he was married, it made an exciting change now he was free from the bitch who he’d wasted the last seven years with.  

“Hi, I’ve got an appointment with Nathan?” 

Turning around, he couldn’t believe his eyes. There she was. “Erm, yeah. Yeah, that’s me. Hi, Holly.” 

He would have been lying if he’d claimed to have given his old school crush much thought in the nineteen years that had passed, but seeing her standing there, suddenly he felt just as he had at fifteen all over again. 

[ominous-feychild]

Can you tell me a little about The Arcane Rifts?

Mislav (the berserker) and Ludmila in particular (their names stood out lol)

Ahhh, the Arcane Rifts, my golden child--

I--I mean--

The story I give an appropriate amount of love and attention to! 🥰 (or so I say because I think the extra attention I give it is deserved because it's the golden child--)

The Arcane Rifts

I've since included the blurb and other information in my Writeblr Intro if you want more generic information! Sorry I've taken so long to respond to this, haha. I'm going to continue forward here assuming you've read it, but I'm probably going to restate a lot of information here anyway!

The Arcane Rifts is a high fantasy, action, mystery story with hints of horror! It primarily follows its two MCs, Gene and Tazin, as they struggle to live on their own as Socially Othered kids.

Gene is physically disabled--he was born with a twisted and too-short leg that makes it difficult for him to walk. In-story, he uses a cane and eventually gets a foot lift that helps level out his walking. Though it doesn't perfectly fit, the best actual medical condition I can find for him is clubfoot!

Adding to his social-othering, Gene is also autistic (though it "doesn't exist" in Glavnran) and originally from another country, though it's unknown which one in-story. He was found in the woods on the outskirts of Kavo (a town within Glavnran) a year prior to the events of the story, and has barely gotten a grasp of the local language in the time before the story starts.

Tazin is the secondary MC and another kid only two years Gene's senior. He's ethnically Jhandan (Fantasy!Indian), and discriminated against by the majority Glavni (primarily white, Fantasy!Slavic) people despite being born and raised in Glavnran.

(Context: Glavnran is under the thumb of the Jhandan Empire and has had a history of both war and exploitation by Jhandar. This has led to the hatred of the Glavni people toward anything Jhandan--however. I do not say this as in to say the discrimination Jhandan people face is fair, understandable, or reasonable--just that it's the origin of the tensions. Tazin is a literal 9-year-old, though, and obviously just gets handed that hatred because of the color of his skin... and a minor accent.)

There's Asks on both Gene and Tazin and you asked about other characters, so I'll hold off on giving more info about them in particular, but!

The Arcane Rifts focuses on the two boys meeting, deciding to work together to survive on the streets, and accidentally getting way in over their heads as they accidentally draw the attention of both the cops and the local gang.

The main plots focus on the children, the khonitva, and Kavo's chief of police--Nikolai--investigating the boys on top of some magical stuff going on in the background.

It's a dense story, but I promise you it's worth it!!! Or, it will be whenever the current version has more than 5 chapters available read...

Mislav Baran

My beautiful babi boy and definitely not Gene's later boyfriend.

So, bad news: while he appears a bit in Book 1, Mislav isn't a main character there. He only becomes a MC in Book 2, after... spoilers! happen! 😙👌 In order to answer your questions, though, I will be giving away mild spoilers! 🥰

First, an introduction: Mislav (the berserker) is, surprise surprise, a berserker! Let me actually grab a snippet straight from tAR for this!

What Damaris didn’t know was that Mislav was a berserker, which meant he was stronger than any normal kid. Especially when he got angry. Being a berserker meant more than getting stronger with anger, though. It boosted all of his physical abilities and his senses. To top it all off, he healed from injuries more quickly. So imagine what it was like when he got angry. Although he’d show off his strength sometimes, Mislav hated that he was a berserker. Not only was it his own curse, gifted to him by Zhrizn—Glavnran’s evil god of nature—after he’d orchestrated the deaths of Mislav's family, but the people of Kavo hated berserkers. They said they were wild, destructive creatures that did nothing but hurt and kill.

Woah, so there's a lot to unpack there, haha. 🤭

But before I do... let me give you the next two lines from Gene('s narration).

Those were the reasons why Gene never told Mislav what he thought of a berserker’s abilities. They made for a perfect weapon of war.

Wait, wtf, a kid thought that??? Aaaaaanyway! We're talking about Mislav, not Gene! 😉🤭

Yeah, a berserker's abilities are perfectly suited for combat and recovering from it. However, at the beginning of the story, Mislav is just nine. Y'know--nine years old. He's not seeing any combat or war!

(Y'know... besides the whole "Adilzhan killed his entire family somewhat in front of him" thing. Oh, wait, right. That.)

So, Adilzhan. He's an avatar of Zhrizn (aka does his bidding), and it was presumably on Zhrizn's orders that he killed Mislav's family.

And then... stopped.

To spare Mislav? What's so special about him? Who knows! Me. I do.

Regardless, after sparing him, Adilzhan half took him in. Yeah. Took him in. After slaughtering his entire family and burning down the farm Mislav grew up on. That certainly won't be causing any sort of weird complexes in the poor kid growing up.

Despite their, ah, rough introduction, Adilzhan has been a shockingly generous "parental" figure to Mislav. Rather than forcing Mislav to live with him, Adilzhan sent him to the local orphanage and gives him anything the orphanage can't. Then, he's even ignored Mislav's uh... well.

Blatant attempts to "get revenge".

To be completely transparent: "berserker"-ness has turned (perhaps unsurprisingly) into an accidental allegory for anger issues--especially in the poor, traumatized Mislav.

So what does a kid with severe anger issues accentuated with a curse that actively tries to make them worse do when their family's murderer is constantly trying to be nice to them? Well, lash out, of course!

For example, by the beginning of book 2 Mislav would/will have:

destroyed a bunch of Adilzhan's stuff... several times.

straight-up ambushed/attacked Adilzhan (though only twice!! And only in the first several months of knowing him!!!... because he quickly learned it wouldn't get him anywhere--)

kicked/headbutted him while Adilzhan tried treating his (Mislav's) injuries

purposely sabotaged Adilzhan in moments of danger/stress, leading to Adilzhan getting injured when he otherwise wouldn't have gotten!

And yet, shockingly, Adilzhan never would've lashed out at the kid. Worst he would've done is put Mislav in the magical equivalent of "time out" while he took care of whatever problems the kid made.

By the beginning of book 2, when Mislav is 15, he's mostly moved past the state of constantly lashing out at Adilzhan. Like, sure--he hates him. Always will! But he's learned that, despite the past... Adilzhan is genuinely looking out for him. And was kinda a halfway decent parental-ish figure?

And, oh boy. Does he hate that. And understandably so!

But he's come to accept it.

Oh, Right, That Was Background Info.

So Book 2 Mislav! While Gene and Tazin were busy being criminals together on the streets, Mislav spent his time being raised halfway between the orphanage and Adilzhan himself. However, like all of the kids in Kavo's orphanage, he got kicked out at the age of thirteen (yeah, it's messed up, but tbh that's just how bad Kavo is).

So did he move in with Adilzhan at long last?

Hell no!

Mislav joined a gang, the yuertel!

Wait, what???

Yeah! Don't worry about it, it's all good. Anyway!

One thing I didn't mention earlier about the "berserker curse" is that it does more than just enhance the individual's physical capabilities and senses--it also will slowly corrupt their physical appearance as they tap into its power.

Which... that was another reason that Mislav toned down his anger with Adilzhan. Allowing himself to stew in it made it more and more likely that he'd act on it... and acting on it advanced the curse's control over him. And if you don't remember, the people of Kavo really don't like berserkers.

So, for most of his life (since the deaths of his family), Mislav has been doing his best to bottle up every single negative emotion he feels and avoiding people to keep them from figuring out the Truth. Aaaaand, y'know, self-sacrifice like hell. Because, surely, if bad actions accelerate the curse, then being a good person will de-cellerate it, right?

Yeah. He wishes. Literally.

Ludmila Morozov

So, Ludmila!

She first appears only at the very end of the first book, but Ludmila is actually a super important character to the series! She becomes a major character starting book 2, and is a main character in book 3!

Ludmila is an ice mage--or vykolt as the Glavni people call them--though you wouldn't be able to tell considering her fierce personality, haha. (Well, actually, she's incredibly icy, too, but.)

While Gene and Tazin were busy spending the first book of tAR in the khonitva and getting themselves on Kavo's Most Wanted list, Ludmila spent her time in Damaris's orphanage, getting evicted as she turned "of age", and joining/becoming the leader of the yuertel!

Oh, yeah, so the yuertel...

Ludmila didn't start the gang, and in fact got an actual job assisting the lumberjacks (and -jills) after first being kicked out of the orphanage. She only quit after an incident disillusioned her from Kavo's police- and work-force at large. Afterward, she was informed of the yuertel's existence by her childhood friend--Rada--and joined them when she couldn't find another job she was okay with working.

When she first joined, the yuertel was a ragtag bunch of kids with no idea what they were doing. After she joined--... well, they were still a ragtag bunch of kids with no idea what they were doing! But their previous leader saw her compassion for the others and stepped down to let her lead instead. Y'know, with his guidance, considering he was just a little better with people than her, but she was around a lot more than him and could do more for them than he could.

The yuertel isn't what you'd first think of when the word "gang" comes to mind. While they get up to criminal activity, they minimize collateral damage when and where they can, because hurting others isn't Ludmila's goal. They just need to do what they do to survive--malice and wanton destruction was the khonitva's thing, not hers. Though if a stray icicle hit Nikolai or a member of the khonitva over the head, she wouldn't complain.

While Ludmila wants the world to be a better place, all she sees is more ways to make it worse... or to work for those she feels sit idly by, allowing for things to get worse while sitting on their hands. So, instead, she carved out her own corner where she takes care of the people she cares about while nobody else pays them any mind.

Point is, she's a bit of a hypocrite.

Kavo--and, in fact, Glavnran in general--is a terrible place. It's full of crime, discrimination, ableism, and so many -phobias that it's ridiculous. She realized there was nothing she could do about it, so she sought to help her friends float by if nothing else. But she's a little ignorant of the fact she's guilty of the very same thing she hates in Nikolai and the rest of the police force.

Complacency.

At least... she is before book 3. But that's spoiler territory. 😉

A little more background info: Ludmila got sent to the orphanage after the murder of her mother. (Which, I so want to write a short story where Nikolai and Adilzhan investigate the murder buddy-cop style, Nikolai hating and suspecting Adilzhan of it all the while...)

Her mother, Tosha, was a fellow vykolt and actually was an avatar of Ertzat, the Glavni psychopomp god of ice, winter, death, and other associated things! They were distantly related to Gennadi (the un-elected mayor), and that combined with her priestess status meant the two were decently well-off before Tosha's death. Ludmila was close childhood friends with Rada even before then, and their parents' deaths occurring at approximately the same time led to them ending up at the orphanage together.

Idk what else I can say about her without getting into spoilers, haha...

I love Ludmila! Despite her hypocrisy, I'd say she's genuinely a good person stuck in a miserable circumstance like a lot of my characters tbh. She's a massive "sister friend" angsty type, and absolutely CANNOT get along with Tazin after the duo joins because of them both being stubborn af, haha. They're two bulls locking horns!

(And, beautifully, are a fire/ice rivalry, haha.)

I've seriously had this half-done in my drafts since publishing my Writeblr intro... I'm incredibly disappointed in myself.

Tag list: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives

Divider from @cafekitsune

[envy-of-the-apple]

AHHH the whole suguru and satoru liking older women thing is so>>. to me it’s so much easier imaging Satoru chasing after someone older since he really does give bratty youngest sibling vibes… like especially with how he reacted in front of that kfc after losing a bad bitch (suguru)… he’s not used to being told no for SURE. And he’d def chase after someone that has their shit together and KNOWS better than to give in to his manipulation, which is makes him all the more intrigued and hungry to vie for that person’s attention. prime example being just how annoying he gets towards nanami.

BUT that does make me wonder what suguru is like then. I don’t know if he’s necessarily the type of person to chase— or at least not in the pestering way that Satoru does. If he were to go after someone older, does he reach a point of desperation when they don’t give in? like, no this cult leader pretty boy with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and overly polite mannerisms that scream of ulterior motives is NOT gonna get the pass from someone who is older and clocks his ill intentions from a mile away. I’m sure Satoru is in it for the long haul when it comes to chasing after someone, but suguru… at some point he’d prolly just kidnap you and force you to stay in one of the rooms of his temple until you get Stockholm syndrome I swear. He seems more like the type of person who demands to have the reigns / control over the situation, and he wouldn’t necessarily entertain any rejection or retaliation in the way Satoru does (his lil masochist ass prolly enjoys being a top tier menace just so you keep pushing him away tbh).

I’m getting ahead of myself, but I do wanna see your perspective on how he is with someone who is equally as level-headed as him (if not more than, considering seniority and being more jaded/experienced with dealing with creepy ppl). Suguru and Satoru def have different approaches to gaining the attention of an older person they like. I say person rather than woman bc they’re def both… lil bi whores…. freaky frotters if you will. explored each others’ bodies for sure… Also I love your works SO SO MUCH! I came here from your ao3 and I’m genuinely in awe whenever I read your stuff… it def inspires me when I’m writing my own jjk works lmao (takes me like 50 business years to write a single fic on ao3 but it’s okay we ball).

awwww bestie tytyty so so much youre so nice!!!!

kkkkk so I do think that Suguru prefers older women while Satoru leans more towards older men. Like have you seen that guy? Daddy issues, clearly. If Toji wasn't, yknow, actively hunting him down, Gojo would definitely be obsessed with him like Noaya

I totally agree with what you said! For Suguru, it really is about control. I feel like Suguru sees the age difference like a certain power dynamic that he can twist around, if that makes sense? When he goes after someone, he definitely expects them to come quietly. I feel like he'd enjoy the chase a little bit, but only a little. He'd quickly get bored and the flimsy excuses of 'I'm ten years older than you' 'I have a husband and a child' will start to get a little annoying. I feel like the ppl he goes after will know he's dangerous and not to mess with him.

[ohtobeleah]

Leah babe. Whenever you’re ready we’re here patiently waiting for the next update of TH&TH.

THIS TOOK ME FUCKING FOREVER TO WRITE!! And as promised, an earlier update as the Masterlist received 1’000 notes!! Ahhh. Anyway—here’s the next chapter. Also the Masterlist for those who need to catch up. We're getting closer and closer to the end of what I'd say would be series finale of season one of TH&TH. But a series two would be on the cards.

Jake Seresin never thought he’d fly for the Navy, he had every intention of joining the airforce from the day he knew what a plane was. The white walls of his childhood bedroom were plastered with air force propaganda posters spanning decades, yet they all told him the same thing. That planes were cool and that someday he’d fly one. He remembered as he sat in his F-18 Super Hornet that the longer he sat staring at the walls he littered with his dreams, his passion—the more he wanted it. A common denominator however for a lot of Jake Seresin's teen and adulting life choices had been one thing and one thing only. You. 

As Jake took his only shot at saving his colleagues' lives as they gained altitude towards the sun–like a modern day version of Ikaris themselves, Jake thought back to the moment he thought maybe the Navy wouldn't be such a bad career choice after all. 

“You wanna do what?” Sitting on your best friend's bed you told Jake that you were starting to think about a career in the Navy. “Say it again for me real quick, I don't think I heard you correctly.” He teased as he spun around on his desk chair, flipping the pen he’d been doing his homework with through his fingertips. 

“I said, I was talking to Sarah the other day and she said her older brother is a clearance diver and loves it.” You explained as you sat with your History book open on page one hundred and forty nine. Reading about the social and political constructs of the highly controversial and deeply divisive ruler—empress Wu. “Been thinking about it a lot actually–seemed pretty neat.” You couldn’t really focus on her rise from common concubine to empress when Jake was staring into your soul from across his room though. 

“You know if you go into the Navy and I go into the Air Force we can't be friends anymore right?” Jake taunted before you threw his own pillow his way. “What!” He gasped. “I'm just saying–it's kinda like a given thing that the branches all kinda hate each other.” It was your senior year of highschool so the reality of the real world was starting to kick in. You'd both been giving a lot of thought into what you wanted to do after school. If a gap year was on the horizon or if college was a possibility. Or for you maybe it was the Naval Academy and for Jake it would be the BMT. 

For now though, you and Jake both worked down at the local pizzeria after school–it was supposed to be your way of being able to spend more time together. But when the big boss had noticed that the two of you barely got anything done when you were both rostered on together? He made sure to end that real quick. 

“Doesn't the Navy have like, Naval Aviators or something?” You sighed, not realising just how much of a spark it lit inside Jake as he watched you return to your work. “If we both enlisted maybe we might be able to take on the world together?” You weren't putting all that much thought into what you were saying, simply making light hearted conversation with your best friend as you both did whatever homework you both had due the next morning. You History and Jake Mathematics–always the maths guy. “Who knows, But hey–if you do go into the Air Force and fly those stupid planes that cost way too much money I guess you already have a callsign.” Smirking, Jake looked at you like you’d just shot him through the chest. 

“Oh no. No way would I ever use Hangman as my call sign.” Jake huffed as he shook his head. “It's stupid.” 

“It's who you are, idiot.” You reminded him, all those moments where he’d hung around his locker waiting for the right moment to talk to you only to be left hanging had the namesake sticking to him like super glue all through high school. Like fuck was Jake taking that shit with him into his adult life. “Besides, it suits you.” 

The pad of Jake's thumb hit the trigger for his missile lock system the moment he’d been drawn back into the present by the tone he’d locked on the fifth generation fighter pilot. He watched as the jet exploded into a thick black fiery cloud that surely had to be lethal for whoever had been sitting in the cockpit. Knowing that he was coming home to you and whoever he’d just shot down wasn't. That would be his second air to air kill. You hadnt taken well to the first one–he wondered for a moment if you'd love him any less now that he had two. 

“Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, this is your savour speaking.” Jake put on his usual persona of the guy who everyone just couldn't stand as he came racing through the plume into vision of Chaos and Rooster. “Please fasten your seatbelts, return your tray tables to their locked and upright position and prepare for landing.” He watched as Chaos looked his way and smacked her first twice against the side of the cockpit, laughing behind her mask. He couldn’t really tell from this distance how fucking close to death she really was. 

“Hey Hangman, you look good.” Rooster commented from the back seat, not his usual position on a fighter jet. All things considered though it probably still had a pretty good view. Jake nodded peacefully in response, he was going to say something about how he wanted to throw up over the fact he’d left you like he did to get here. Crying, screaming his name, yelling at him that you needed him. He wanted to mention that it killed him to know he left you heartbroken in his best friend's arms because he just put his colleagues above you and even more so above his own safety. Or that if he’d listened to your direct orders to stand down Rooster and Chaos may very well not be alive right now. He wouldn’t ever say that to you—ever.

Jake didn’t say any of the aforementioned things, he couldn’t. The words failed him when he tried to convey the right things to say—they always had, but in this very instant he knew his worry and utter agony was written in the lines on his face. 

Jake just nodded and laughed with them. 

“I am good Rooster, I'm very good.” He paused as he broke right and turned back to head towards the carrier. He wondered if the girl who sat on his bed that one time and said you could both take on the world together would still want to charge at it head on when he landed or if you’d throw your hands up and finally say enough's, enough. “I'll see you both back on deck.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

“You’re okay Hawkeye, I got you.” Javy rocked with you as you clung to him in utter heartbreak. There was no sense of time anymore, you didn't know if you'd been left on the runway for two minutes or two hours as you cried out in utter heartache loud enough for anyone walking the flight deck to hear. “Jakes gonna bring em home.” 

“You don’t know that–what if he never comes home.” Javy wasn't about to tell you that he had that feeling too, he wasn't about to break your heart any more than Jake had already done so in order to go after Rooster and Chaos. “He's the love of my life Javy–” Javy felt his own heart shattering as he held you a little tighter, sitting with you between his legs in the middle of the runway. His arms encapsulated you like he was shielding you from the world around you. Not wanting you to ever be hurt again. “What am I supposed to do without him huh? What does he fucking want from me!?” 

“He doesn't want nothing Hawk, he probably just knows by now that you love him enough to know that whatever happens, good or bad–he had all the right intentions.” Deep down you knew Javy was right, you did love Jake enough to know that a year ago–or even just a few months ago for that matter, he never would have done this.  

Levi ‘Elvis’ Macarthy was a terrible person and an even worse influence on your husband. He was the very dictionary definition of superficial. There wasn't a person you loathed more than Jake’s current Wingman. You knew Levi wouldn't hesitate to leave Jake in the dust if things went wrong, but what scared you so much more was Jake had become the very same. 

“Oh my god—“. You just couldn't hold it in any more, your marriage had fallen to shambles around you before there was anything left to salvage. Your grandmother always used to tell you like because and you love despite. But with Jake? Over the last few months nothing seemed worth it. “You're worse than Levi.” You had just been discussing Jake's latest deployment, he hadn’t bothered to tell you until three days out. “Levi, he’s a selfish superficial asshole but he can’t help it, Jake–but you? You could be a good person but you wanna be an asshole! You are so obsessed with getting promoted and becoming the best of the very best that you’re choosing to be a piece of shit—“ It would be your last fight, the fight that drove you over the edge, the one you couldn't come back from. The fight where things were said that you couldn’t take back no matter how badly you wanted to. It was the fight that put all your others to shame. 

“Okay stop pretending this is some moral dilemma!” Jake hadn’t told you about his next deployment because he knew that you still weren’t over his last. He didn't know how to tell you without starting a fight. Which inevitably happened anyway. 

“It is a moral dilemma! You’re pushing everyone away to chase a fucking pipe dream!” You were so proud of Jake and everything he’d accomplished, but the idea that you were the only one who was didn't sit right with you. You knew he lived for the applause, but you couldn't cheer him on from the bleachers alone. “You’re a lieutenant! God isn't that enough for you at this moment? Revel in it a little before you chase the next rank!”  

“Oh you wanna go there?” Jake scoffed as he took strides towards you, crossing the distance of the living room. “You—“. Jake spat, his voice laced with venom as he spoke to you like he hadn’t been in love with you since the very first time he saw you let alone spoke to you. Pointing his finger into your chest. “You’re afraid to climb the ladder.” He barked. “Tell me love.” The term of endearment made you weak in such a heated moment. “When was the last time you actually did something you were proud of? You spend all your time worrying about me and what I'm doing and what I'm supposedly becoming because you're too fucking scared to fucking apply yourself, you're scared that even if you tried just a little goddamn harder that you'd still be told you're a crap analyst!” He didn't mean any of it, he just wanted to hurt you the same way you hurt him. But Jake? Well he couldn't attack your person, so he went for your job, your career. He knew you held a little self doubt about your position in the Navy, unlike himself who just oozed confidence in every aspect. “Always a Lieutenant Junior, never gonna make it to Rear Admiral.” 

“You go on this deployment, I won't be here when you get back.” This time you weren’t messing around. The idea had crossed your mind a time or two when things had gotten really bad, when you thought it would be easier to run than to stay and figure it out. 

“What?” Jake had suddenly lost all his male bravado. “What the hell are you talking about?” Although you’d thought about it, you’d never said it out loud. Never mentioned the idea to anyone. “Baby–” His eyes were soft and suddenly full of regret, had he gone too far this time? 

“You heard me Jake so help me god if you go, don’t expect me to fucking be here when you get back.” You thought your love for Jake Seresin could outlast any challenges you faced, but when he was the challenge himself? What else was left to do. 

“You know I have to though—you know better than anyone that I can’t just not go?” His eyes took in the entire expanse of your face, every small mark and imperfection that made you perfect to him in every way. Cupping your face between his hands. “Wifey, we’re okay, we don't have to do this.” You ignored Jake's words as you focused on the first statement that slipped past his lips. 

“Seems like an inevitable outcome then doesn’t it?” You continued, only to pull away and turn on your heels. Holding back the flooded dam that threatened to break if Jake made any attempt to keep you here. Stop you from leaving–.if he asked you to stay you knew it would be all the more harder to go, without question. You loved him so much. 

“Baby don’t leave me.” You left in the middle of the night that same night. 

He never would have put the lives of his fellow aviators above his own and he most certainly wouldn't have defied direct orders to risk his life in order to save another. The version of Jake Seresin that you almost served divorce papers to was long gone. Dead and buried. Replaced by the very best version of himself you knew he could be. The version you fell in love with during highschool. The version who asked you to marry him one random night in July under the stars as waves lapped around your ankles. The version you saw a future, a present and had a past with. It didn't hurt any less though, knowing that the outcome of all his soul searching may end up with the same outcome you’d left him over in the first place. 

You'd' still receive that folded flag, you’d still cry as his coffin was lowered, only now you knew for sure that you wouldn't be the only one to mourn him. 

“GET HER OFF THE DAMN RUNWAY!” Pete Mitchell could be heard screams from the barricades that you jumped over to reach your husband in time, to no avail. You’d fallen into a heap in Coyote's lap, inconsolable and crying as your heart raced at the thought you’d never see Jake again. Clutching at Javys flight suit, the nornex not doing much at all to dry your tears. “COYOTE! GET HER UP BEFORE YOU TWO GET RUN OVER BY A GODDAMN F-18!” 

“Someone tell my wife I'm coming home.” Jake had radioed back to the tower all the while you and Javy had been sitting on the flight deck. He had started making his way back to you the second he wasn't needed, he saw no need to string out your obvious heartbreak. He couldn't wait to get back to you, tell you how sorry he was, how much he loved you, how much you meant to him and how badly it broke his own heart he had to leave you behind like he did–but he knew Rooster and Chaos needed him just a little bit more in the very moment. Jake also couldn't wait to let you know how idiotidc it was to stand in the middle of a goddamn runway. How endearing and brave and oh so stupid he found it. He knew that you were going to tear him a new one about his actions, that was his only leg to stand on. You were miss prim and proper, he was reckless and foolish–the better halves of each other. “Someone tell Y/n I’m okay, for the love of god someone tell her I'm alright.” It was a plea that fell on somewhat deaf ears though, no one could get to you to relay the message and Pete Mitchell certainly wasn't about the scream that crossed the flight deck of the carrier. 

“We gotta move Lieutenant Commander–” Javy cooed as he tried to lift you up. Deadweight against his arms, you didn’t budge for love nor nothing. “Hey, Jake’s coming back, surely.” Pointing over your shoulder to the black dot in the distance headed straight for the carrier Javy tried his best to break through whatever haze had begun to cloud your better judgement. “You see that speck? That's Jake, so unless you wanna get railed by the cord that's gonna come at us at about a hundred miles an hour I suggest we move and the second he lands, I'll let you go? Deal?” You didn't believe Coyote as he tried to be the voice of reason, but as you watched the speck get a little closer, a little more defined, it sparked a hope inside you that you wanted to believe in. That it was Jake and he was coming home. 

“Shit–” You scrambled to your feet, dusting your uniform off as Javy took your hand in his, one hand behind the small of your waist as he guided you over to where the rest of the group stood. Phoenix, Bob, Fanboy, Payback, all desperately awaiting the return of Hangman, Rooster and Chaos. “You really reckon it's him?” You asked as you approached Maverick, he hated the look in your eyes. Despair. Your eyelashes were wet and your cheeks were stained but none of that really mattered when he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder and nodded, bringing out a haphazard smile across your face for the briefest of moments. 

“It's him Hawk, it's all of them.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

It was the smoothest of landings Jake had ever pulled off. Everything had gone according to plan. When the tail hook caught on the catcher cord, slowing Jake's Super Hornet to nothing, he could finally breathe again. There wasn’t a lot that confronted Jake Seresin, but when he took off from the carrier, leaving you behind? He’d never felt such a fear in the back of his throat. It resonated with him until he leaned. 

The cheers roaring out from his colleagues and fellow Naval men and women were enough to have him popping his canopy, holding his helmet in his hand as he fist bumped the air. Ravelling in the moment, the glory, the praise. Jake Seresin lived for the applause—and for the almost good enough but not quite worthy Dagger Spare, he thought he’d done pretty well for a guy who hadn’t made the team. 

“You’re insane!!” Phoenix beamed as she tapped Hangman on the shoulder three consecutive times. “And I’m not gonna tell you you’re great, but well done.” He barely acknowledged her, his eyes catching you in the crowd. The roar of success faded as he handed Bob his helmet—without taking his eyes off you. A smirk crept across his face when he saw you falter for a mere moment. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing you were utterly and wholeheartedly relieved he was safe. But for a split second as the crowd cheered and separated just enough for Jake to barge his way to you—you couldn’t not let the happiness consume you. 

“Hi wifey—“ Is all Jake manages to say before you’re barreling at him. Running full speed into his arms. With a jump and a graceful lift, your lips are connecting with your husbands as he catches you in his strong arms. Hands on your ass as he kisses you back. Your arms thrown around his shoulder as he deepened the kiss you thought for a while there you’d never get to experience again. “I’m so so—“ You didn’t let him finish as your open palm slapped against his cheek. 

“Don’t you ever leave me like that again, do you hear me?” It wasn’t harsh enough to actually hurt, but it was still with enough force that took Jake aback. “Hangman—do you hear me?” Eyeing off the little gold heart he wore with so much pride.

Jake couldn’t stop himself from beaming at you. He loved you, oh so much. Kissing you again with haste as he nodded against your lips. “So stupid, I can’t believe you do that! Never again okay?” You pleased as Jake kissed you, talking into his mouth as teeth clashed together and tongues danced. Cupping his face to make sure this was real. That he was back and he was safe. “You hear my baby? You got nothing to prove.” 

“Loud and clear ma’am, loud and clear.” Mumbling into your mouth as he held you up by your thighs. The cheering of the entire crew around you made it all the more remarkable. Jake Seresin was a hero, and a beloved one at that. “You’re not off the hook either, pretty girl.” Jake smirked against your lips. “Jumping barricades and barrelling up runways.” It was true, it hadn’t been your finest moment, but you did it all for love. “So stupid wifey, you know that right?” You knew, so the only dignified response you gave was a silent nod. 

“I thought you weren’t coming back—“ You mumbled just shy of a whisper as you let your forehead rest against Jakes as he slowly put you down. Bending over with you to chase your lips again. He couldn’t get enough of the taste of you. 

“I’ll always come ba—“ Again, you slapped him again. This time a little harder as he trapped your hand in his. Making sure you couldn’t slap him again. “Okay, you gotta stop slapping me.” Jake poked his tongue against the inside of his slightly throbbing cheek as you eyed him off. 

“Sorry, I just needed to make sure you were listening.” Racing past the bridge of the carrier where both Admiral Beau and Admiral Bates stood. Chaos flew low and close as you looked up overhead. She held her finger up to the glass. Giving the admirals the bird before her right engine cut out. “But I’m so proud of you Jake—you brought them home.” 

“So I’m off the hook?” Jake asked as he raised an eyebrow, cocking the corner of his lip slightly as you shook your head. Laughing. 

“Oh, oh no—no no no Jacob, you are most definitely not off the hook.” You called him Jacob, he knew he was in shit when Jacob slipped past your lips. “But for now I think you deserve to have your moment.” You gestured to the crowd around you now cheering on Chaos and Rooster as they landed in the barricade. “Go celebrate your victory Lieutenant.” 

“I love you, Wifey!” Jake beamed as he stepped back, immersing himself in the crowd around him. “Love you to the moon and back!” He grinned before turning around, finding his way to the two people he risked it all for. 

“I love you all that much more.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

It had been a few weeks since the Uranium mission had come to its completion. The Admirals had made it abundantly clear that the ragtag team of aviators who had grown to be more like family than just colleagues could have a few precious weeks of unrestricted leave for their duties and sacrifices. Bradley Bradshaw and Robert Floyd had chosen to stay in North Island; They weren’t leaving until they knew for sure that Chaos Kazansky was going to be okay. For you and Jake? Things had mellowed out, settled down and you were both working through the underlying issues that were still plaguing whatever future you were both preparing to have with one another. 

Like today for example, you were both about to find out the paternity results of the DNA test Jake had taken for Marissa. He knew it wasn’t his kid, but he knew you needed that in writing. 

“Okay ladies cough up.” The Miramar Base Hospital smelt of sterile everything but the nurses station? They smelt of that Ariana Cloud Perfume and whatever food had been on offer in the cafeteria that day. “Who owes me what?” You teased as the three ladies sitting behind the glass fished out their wallets and all handed you a ten dollar bill. Much to their own displeasure. You smirked, collecting your earnings with no sympathy. 

“Much appreciated ladies—“ You winked. When Jake had first started doing the rounds for Chaos, you’d gone with him one time early on. The ladies at the front desk had mentioned Jake would always stop and have a chat—nothing malicious, nothing sinister behind it. He just enjoyed the praise he received. And you saw nothing wrong with that—but you’d started an underground betting ring not three days later with the nurses. If your husband was gonna act the foot? The least you were gonna do was make some extra money off him. “Someone ask him about his call sign next time he stops by, if he says anything else besides the fact he was left hanging by a girl he had a crush on in highschool he’s a liar—“ You picketed the cash as you turned on your heels. “Fifty Bucks ladies, take it or leave it.” 

“You look rather nice today Commander?” One of the nurses cooed as she hollered down the hall after you. You weren’t really sure what she was on about to be honest, you were just in a pair of old jeans and a sweater. Maybe it was the brown hair you now wore with pride. Jake had been right, Blondes did have more fun and you had certainly had your fair share during your time back at Miramar. You weren’t meant to be a blonde. So back to your roots you went. “Anything in particular got you all dressed to the nines?” 

“Just enjoying the rest and relaxation ladies, nothing else to it.” You smiled back at them before making your way further into the hospital—running into your husband and Bob shortly after. “I was just coming to see Chaos? How is she?” You asked Bob as Jake took you under his arm, pulling you closer to his side as he kissed the top of your head. It still smelled of brown box dye. He’d helped you colour it back a few nights prior. That in and of itself should have been a mission he had taken more seriously. 

“Awake, she wanted to be with Rooster for a little while.” Bob explained softly as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m gonna go grab a coffee, do you want anything Commander?” You still weren’t all that keen on everyone calling you commander, shaking your head softly you sighed as Bob stood before you with tired eyes. 

“I’m good, and would you please just call me Hawk if anything Bob? Even Y/n’s totally fine—you guys are family. I don’t want you calling me Commander if we’re not on duty or working together.” 

“Yes ma’am, I’ll see you guys a little later.” Bob was tired, he walked the halls like a ghost of his former self. He and Rooster had been tag teaming for weeks and you knew Jake was worried about them both. 

“God I feel awful.” You mumbled into Jake's shoulder. “We should do something for them.” 

“Only thing we can do is just be here for them.” Jake kissed the top of your head before making a cheeky remark. “Commander Seresin.” He expected the elbow he copped to the ribs but it didn’t make it hurt any less. “Ohh—“ He doubled over for a moment as he stilled in his tracks, watching as you kept walking down the hall. “Okay, I definitely deserved that.” 

“Bet you thought it was gonna be you who made commander first, didn't ya hot shot?” You teased over your shoulder as your husband caught back up to you. “What was it again? Always the Lieutenant Junior, never gonna make it to Rear Admiral?” Quoting the remark Jake had made during one of your more heated arguments. “I’m sure you’ll catch up, Lieutenant.” 

“I liked you better when you were just a lieutenant commander—“ Jake taunted as you both rounded the corner. Laughing you just shook your head. “So cocky now—someone better tap you on the head before you fly too close to the sun there, Icarus.” 

“You know I don’t fly, Flyboy—“ You taunted back as you reached for Jake's hand, walking side by side towards the office of Dr. Sanders—she’d called you earlier that same morning to confirm the results of Jake's paternity test had come in and as had your fertility checks. “And before you say anything, no—I’ve seen the way you fly, I’m not getting in one of the tin cans with you.”

“Javy said he’d take you up if you wanted to?” 

“Oh fuck off—“ You couldn’t hold back to scoff. “You know I’m terrified of flying, never in a million years would you ever get me up in one of those things.” It had always been something you’d pushed to the wayside, but even when you flew commercially, you needed anxiety callers to keep you from panicking. “Thanks, but no thanks.” 

“Ah, there’s the lovely couple!” Dr. Sanders greeted you both with a wide smile as you approached her door. “Come on in, we have a lot to talk about.” 

“All good news I hope?” Jake questioned as he let you enter first and pulled your chair out for you. A kind but almost jarring gesture. The look on Dr. Sanders' face said it all though—it wasn’t. Fuck.

“Mr Seresin, how sure were you that this child wasn’t yours?” She asked and for a moment there you forgot how to breathe. Holy shit, was Jake actually a father? To another woman’s child? 

“Fairly certain I could back my entire career on the matter, why?” Jake still expressed so much confidence in the matter at hand, he never once wavered from his standpoint. It was almost admirable. He sat beside you, reaching out for your hand because he knew if anyone was freaking out right this second it was you—running the pad of his thumb across your palm. 

“Remind me to never second guess your better judgement, you’re not the father Jake—I’m not sure whether to say congratulations or my condolences but biologically speaking no, that child isn’t yours.” 

“That’s exactly what we wanted to hear.” Jake smiled as he turned his cocky attitude towards you fully. “Never doubted it for a minute.” 

“I’ve already informed the other party, she sends her best wishes.” Dr. Sanders sighed before she opened the tan folder on her desk. “Now—onto you little miss, what am I going to do with you.” She sent you a soft smile. This was never an easy part of her job, but education was key.

“Lay it on me doc, I can take it.” Your hand squeezed Jakes just a little tighter as you shifted in your seat. Knowing whatever Dr. Sanders was about to tell you was going to knock the wind from your lungs. 

“Y/n, you have blockage in your left fallopian tube, that means that when sperm are trying to make their way to an egg the blockage is stopping them before they can fertilise.” You really didn’t know what to say as you sat shocked in silence. “It doesn’t necessarily mean a natural conception isn’t possible, it just means that the chances are less likely and if you do ever decide to have children, prenatal vitamins and hormone treatments will aid in the process. And hopefully whatever sperm does make the journey, they take a right instead of left.” 

“Is there anything we can do to remove the blockage?” You asked softly, there was a small part of you who didn’t want to know the answer. But you asked regardless. 

“There’s surgical procedures we can schedule you in for—but they're all quite major and can lead to even more pressing complications like infertility overall.” Dr. Sanders explained. “It’s better to leave well enough alone and hope that the one you still have can come through, otherwise? There’s IVF treatments, adoption—“ Dr. Sanders made it abundantly clear to both you and Jack in her office that you were, in fact, not broken. She’d seen too many women come through her doors that wore the same face she was currently looking up. “You my dear are not broken, you just need to take a few extra steps.” 

“I’m—uh, can we take home all the information you have on all the options please?” Jake could hear it in your voice how scared and upset you truly were. All he could do in the moment though was reassure you that he was there, right beside you. Squeezing your hand to keep you grounded in reality. “We’ll go over everything at a later date.” 

“Of course, and if you ever need a consultation you know where to find me.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

“When are you gonna go up with Hawk?” Coyote smirked at you through the mirror of the free weight section of the base gym. Finishing your set of lateral raises, you huffed out a groan when you placed the weight down. It’s a bad dream by Good Charlotte played through the speaks as you looked at Javy through the mirror. His smugness rubbing you the wrong way immediately. 

“Who told you I ever would?” Two more weeks had passed since the events of the uranium mission and new postings were starting to trickle in. You’d yet to receive yours, but Jake had reciprocated his. A full time position here in North Island. If he wanted it. He’d get to accept—waiting to see what would come of you. 

“Uh, your husband?” Javy sent you a look as if to say who else would’ve told him that. “You two seem good these days?” He asked, still standing behind you in the free weight section, looking at you through the mirror. “Seem happy?” It was no secret to anyone that knew you and Jake that you had your demons, but over the last few weeks, amongst everything else going on—you’d seemed to work a few things out. 

“I think we’re gonna do a few couples therapy sessions but yeah, we’re good.” You smiled over at Jake who’d been doing some boxing with Payback. “I’ll never find a better part of me Javy, and honestly I’m starting to think that I'd rather be here for him than anywhere else in the world for myself.” 

“He loves you.” Javy smirked softly as you turned to face him. “I remember there was this one time I had to really reel him in from going fully off the rails just after you’d left.” You’d never heard Coyote speak his truth on the matter before. “He was fucked Hawk—he knew he drove you away but was just too stubborn to admit it to anyone around him let alone himself.” 

“I wasn’t innocent in the whole thing—“ You added as you let your eyes linger back over to Jake, he’d lost his shirt somewhere along the long as he held the pads for Payback. A thin sheen of sweat covering him head to toe. “But you like because and you love despite.” 

“You did what you had to do.” Javy added, only to change to conversation seconds later back to his original question. “Come in Hawk, one ride—come up with me for service checks?” 

“I dunno Coy—“ You tried to protest, your fear of flying all consuming. But it was to no avail.

“You can’t be a commander without having flown once—“ You’d technically made Commander rank four weeks ago, but the official ceremony wasn’t until January. It wasn’t a question you could keep avoiding any longer, both Jake and Javy pestering you to no end about this joy flight. Were you particularly interested? No—but if you had to do it once to get them off your back it seemed as though the answer had to inevitably be a yes.

“Honestly? What's the worst thing that could happen?” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @justanothermagicalsara @alexsisrebekah @stinkyjax @starkleila @luckyladycreator2 @love2write2626 @shanimallina87 @dempy @mintellaine @kiarabellerum31 @abaker74 @shadowsndaisies @haworldwidefunnyguy @peakascum @ssprayberrythings @averyhotchner

[sandcatsims]

It begins...

Hello! I just started my tumblr blog and I wanted to share this legacy challenge I'm starting! The challenge I'm doing is "Struck by Love" by @fruitysimsy & @hellohopesims.

I'm currently on gen 1, which I just started... so here's a little bit on my sim:

Nayeli Love.

Nayeli is a 18 year old(teen) that just moved to an apartment in Newcrest after leaving her home in San Sequoia after her parents disapproved of her goal of being a writer. Now, she's barely scraping by with only a few hundred simoleons after renting out her new home- causing her to sometimes regret her decision of leaving.

But, in all, she knows this is for the better as she's finishing up her senior year.

Right now, as she is still considered a teen by Newcrest law, she works part-time as a babysitter seeing as it provides the best income.

Nayeli can't help but dream, if only she was like the women in her stories- who have found love... a supportive, caring partner willing to do anything for them. This makes her wonder, should she look for love? Or focus on writing?

__

Ahhh! I am so excited to start this challenge. Please let me know what you guys think of my little 'storytelling' because it's not exactly my best skill. Also let me know if you'd like to see Nayeli's outfits and such!

[blush-and-books]

okay okay whats ur dream episode of suits ??

ahhh ok so i've been really thinking about this and i still don't really have a good answer but here goes :)) sorry this took so long i have been cooking on it for the past couple of days!!💞

there's a couple of episode types i would really like to see. first of all, one of my favorite shows of all time (and the reason I started this blog like ten years ago) had an episode in their third season that put it's main couple (when they were in a will they/won't they point of their relationship) in an isolated situation and basically the entire 45 minutes was them going through various hurdles and discovering things about their relationship along the way.

my donnaharvey nonsense braincell would fucking LOVE an episode like this. like some kind of plotline where harvey has some kind of conference to attend for the firm and they obviously get two invitations but since the firm is always in shambles, they can't afford to send more than one senior/named partner away, and so they let donna go with harvey instead and she has to feed him the names of everyone they meet that hes supposed to already know. even tho in the show they're professional partners, i feel like we never explicitly see little donna and harvey work adventures like we see for him and mike. obviously harvey and mike have these adventures bc the show is about them but anyways

or an episode where there's a brutal case or smth and it's just an episode of him and donna in his office together for hours. idk where mike is - helping louis, maybe, or dealing with a case of his own, or the case that harvey is working on is just too delicate or high risk for him to want mike involved. so it's just him and donna. maybe marcus calls at some point, or donna's dad. they listen to gordon's records and talk about their families and their futures etc etc. i would love for this to feel like an expansion of when his office got moved to that lower floor and donna just had to sit across from him at his desk to do her work bc there wasn't an intercom.

OR, WAIT, the episode is about harvey's annual heart checkup and they call him back to run more tests after an inconclusive initial exam, and he needs to have someone drive him/pick him up, and of course donna finds out this is happening and just kind of invited herself along to wait with him for the results of the tests because she knows this annual appointment is like brutal for him every year. the whole episode he aggressively tells her to go away and she stays the whole time. yaps her ass off. but when the nurse comes out with the results of the tests he has to grab donna's hand. and regardless of the outcome he starts to cry the second that they get into the car. donna holds his hand and leans her head on his shoulder while he lets it out. they go up to his place for a drink afterwards, maybe they listen to some music, or watch a movie. while all of this is happening, mike is on a very silly case adventure with louis and jessica is enlisting rachel's help with a case that could come with some bad press for the firm, and they need to avoid that as much as possible. i thought rachel and jessica were a really great pair and i wanted more of them!!!!!

similarly i would love for something bad to happen to donna (affectionate) that just derails harvey completely and he spends the episode with her in the hospital while everyone else is dealing with like insane levels of bullshit from daniel hardman or someone and harvey has a big trial when donna is supposed to get a surgery and she tells him to go but he takes one step into the courtroom and had a panic attack bc they didn't get to do the can opener ritual and hes convinced he's cooked so he runs back to the hospital after haphazardly throwing everything onto mike at the last minute.

uuuh ALSO a holiday episode. CHAOTIC HOLIDAY EPISODE PLEASE. the firm is not decorated and nobody has the holiday spirit except, like, rachel, and probably donna too. harvey and mike are emo about the holidays due to family trauma and louis is getting everyone Hanukkah gifts. there's probably a firm party that's planned by rachel and louis to get everyone into the holiday spirit. harvey contemplates going to marcus's, and impulsively invites donna to come with him after mike makes some plot important speech at the firm party about he finally feels like he has a family to celebrate the holidays with again after his grandmother died, and how he doesn't ever want to take the time he has with his loved ones for granted. there's some joke about donna already buying her own gift from harvey bc he never knows what to get her.

in general i really like the idea of a bottle episode and would love an episode that takes place like, entirely in the file room, and we just see snippets of conversations or arguments or illicit meetups that happen in the file room over the course of one day. i feel like that format would be very cool.

this was a terrible answer to your question bc honestly i just think about what i would like to see between donna and harvey and that's not a good way to go about it but oh well!! thank you so much for this ask i love getting to write obnoxious long winded answers 💖💖💖🥹

also would love an episode where jessica meets a badass lawyer who just got brought in as a name partner at a competitor firm but the badass lawyer is a very beautiful and intimidating woman possibly played by lucy liu and they fall in love. yup!!

[q-gorgeous]

Today Was the Day

hi @dashing-through-ecto :D i was your vce gifter i had so much fun thinking up this concept and i hope you like it kjbhvgc the fic sprung from the art xD

@valentines-core-exchange

uncensored art is in the fic where that particular scene happens. warning for a hole in dannys chest. its nothing super graphic, in the style of the show but i wanted to put a warning. i will not be putting the art in the fic on ao3 tho in case anyone doesnt wanna see it

ao3

ffn

this is not beta read ahhh its 4:30 am kjbhgv

Today was the day. 

Today he was going to tell Danny Fenton he was in love with him. 

It had taken him a while to figure that out. It had also taken them a while to get to where they were now. Dash used to bully Danny every day of their freshman year, but now as seniors they were friends. They hung out all the time. He was even friends with Danny’s friends. 

And today he was going to tell Danny how he felt. He was pretty sure Danny felt the same way, but neither of them had confessed to the other. There were only lingering touches and lovestruck looks. Nothing concrete. But Dash had to tell him. Even on the off chance that Danny didn’t feel the same. 

They were in between classes right now and Dash saw Danny standing at his locker with Sam and Tucker exchanging textbooks. Dash smiled and walked up to them, waving at Sam and Tucker from behind Danny’s back.

“Hey, Danny. Do you want to go to the Nasty Burger with me tonight? My treat.” Dash asked, leaning his shoulder against the locker next to Danny’s open one. 

Tucker let out a whooping sound. “Collect my rsvp! I’m always down for free food.” 

Sam elbowed him and whispered his name, shooting Tucker a look. 

Tucker glanced between Danny and Dash and back again. “Oh wait. I forgot. Me and Sam have that thing tonight. Sorry, can’t go.”

Dash could practically feel Danny’s eyes as he rolled them at Tucker. “Yeah sure that thing that you guys totally have.” He turned to look at Dash and smiled at him. “I’d be down for that Dash. What time?”

“I’ve got practice after school today. How about seven? Meet you there?” 

Danny turned back to his locker and closed it. “It’s a date.” 

Butterflies erupted in Dash’s stomach. A date.

Sam snickered and Dash’s gaze flickered to her. Her and Tucker were watching them, trying to, but not very hard, stifle their laughter.

“Yeah! Cool.” Dash smiled at him. 

“Okay you kids, let’s get to class.” Sam waved them after her as she started walking away. Dash fell into step beside Danny, their shoulders brushing as they walked down the hallway. 

qqqqqq

Dash ran his hands through his hair a couple more times in the mirror before spraying a spritz of cologne on himself. He was nervous but also kind of excited. He was finally gonna tell Danny how he felt 

He grabbed the bouquet of flowers and box of chocolates that he had bought on his way home from practice today. He looked at Danny’s name, scrawled out in his handwriting on both items. He hoped that Danny liked flowers. He knew he liked chocolate. 

He headed downstairs and out the door. He knew the Nasty Burger wasn’t the fanciest place in town, but it was somewhere familiar and they both liked it. 

As he was heading down the street, he could hear some commotion coming up. 

Coincidentally it seemed to be following the same path as him. As he got closer he could finally see what it was. 

Phantom was fighting that hunter ghost again. They were both flying back and forth around each other. Phantom landed a shot on the ghost and was growled at in response. 

“I’ve got some place to be! Come back a different time!” 

Phantom definitely seemed to be in a rush today. He was getting sloppy, trying to capture the ghost as soon as possible. 

“Hey, Phantom!” Dash called, walking towards the commotion with a big smile on his face. Phantom was his hero. He loved him. He didn’t get many chances to talk to him. “Kick his ass, Phan-”

Dash stopped in the middle of the street, his voice dying in his throat. In front of him, Phantom stood shell shocked, a hole blasted through his chest by the hunter ghost. Dash could see the ghost through Phantom’s chest. He bellowed out a deep laugh. 

As the other ghost started talking to Phantom, a pair of rings appeared around his waist. Dash had never seen this power before. He didn’t know what this would do. 

It split from his middle and separated, traveling around his body. Dash’s heart began to sink into his stomach when a familiar t-shirt appeared underneath the rings. Dash’s eyes widened and his heart stopped after the rings revealed a pair of blue jeans and a head of black hair. 

Standing there in the middle of the street bleeding out was Danny Fenton. 

Dash dropped the bouquet of flowers and box of chocolates he held in his hands. 

The green ectoplasm that Phantom had been bleeding soaked into Danny’s shirt and steadily turned to red. 

Dash could no longer hear the ghost that was still talking to Danny. His ears were ringing so loud he couldn’t make out anything happening in the street anymore. His chest was rising and falling quicker and quicker. 

Danny finally fell down to the ground, landing on his knees and holding himself up with his hands. That was Dash’s breaking point. 

The bouquet of flowers and box of chocolates fell out of his shaking hands and hit the ground. Balling his hands up into fists, he turned around and bolted down the street as fast as he could. 

He had to get as far away as he could. He’s never seen anything like this before. He knew ghosts were dangerous, but he didn’t really think they were this dangerous. He didn’t know what they were really capable of. He was used to the idea of ghosts that he grew up watching on tv. The ones that couldn’t really interact with the living world. What could ghosts do if they weren’t even tangible?

But these ghosts were very tangible. They could interact with the living world and cause a lot of damage. Apparently Phantom couldn’t even stop them. 

And Danny Phantom was Danny Fenton. 

Dash skidded to a stop and looked back behind him, his chest heaving and out of breath from running.

What was he doing? He was running away from Danny, his friend. His hero. The boy he loved. What was he doing running away? Why didn’t he do something to help him? 

Was there anything he could’ve really done? 

Against his better judgment, Dash turned around and started running back the way he came. 

Even if he couldn’t help Danny, maybe he could still tell him what he was going to tell him today. He needed him to hear it. 

Dash turned around the corner onto the street where the fight was. But when he looked around, he didn’t see Danny or the ghost he was fighting. 

His stomach rolled. That ghost must’ve gotten him. There wasn’t anything Dash could do. Nothing left for him to say. 

He turned back around and slowly made his way home. 

qqqqqqqqq

Dash trudged his way into school the next day. All he wanted to do last night after getting home was sleep what he had seen away. But he had a sleepless night instead. 

He yawned as he pushed the front door open. As he cracked open an eye, he choked on the air he was breathing in as his gaze landed on somebody that was waiting by his locker. 

Danny leaned against Dash’s locker. He was laughing at something that Sam and Tucker were saying. His bright and lively eyes opened and met Dash’s gaze. 

How was he here? What happened? Was that not Danny? Did Phantom have some kind of shape shifting abilities? Did he imagine the whole thing?

Dash watched as Danny said something to Sam and Tucker and started walking towards him. Dash couldn’t move a muscle. His entire being was focused on the boy walking across the hall to him. The other students walking around him faded from his mind the closer Danny got. 

“Hey.” Danny said when he made his way to Dash’s side.

All Dash managed to get out was a squeaking sound. 

Danny looked around them and grabbed Dash by the arm. Danny pulled Dash behind him and soon they came to a janitor’s closet and he was dragged inside. 

Once the door shut Danny turned the light on and all Dash could do was stare at Danny’s face. He was alive. His eyes shone, he breathed, and most importantly, he didn’t have a hole in his chest. 

“What…” Dash started, but he found that he still didn’t have the words. 

Danny pulled his backpack to the front and opened it. He pulled the crumpled flowers and chocolates that both had his name on it that Dash had dropped in the street the night before. 

“I…” Danny started and then took a deep breath. “I’ve never told anyone besides Sam and Tucker about any of this before. But I found these in the street yesterday and I needed to check in with you.” He looked up at Dash. “How much did you see?”

Dash was still staring at Danny’s face but then it dropped down to his chest.

“I was about to call your name when the ghost shot you.” He tapped the spot on Danny’s chest where the hole had been. “I saw you detransform and ran.” 

Danny squeezed his eyes shut. “Shit. That must’ve been pretty gruesome.”

Dash swallowed. “It was.” His gaze traveled back up to Danny’s face. “How are you here?”

“My ghost half gives me accelerated healing. It’s gotten stronger and stronger over the years. This is the worst thing I’ve ever had to come back from though.”

“But you’re still you? You’re not dead?”

Danny chuckled. “I might be sort of dead, but I’m not any more dead than I was two days ago.” 

Dash took a deep breath and leaned forward resting his forehead on Danny’s shoulder. Dash didn’t realize he was shaking until Danny’s arms wrapped around his neck. His heart skipped a beat and he wrapped his own arms around Danny’s waist and took another deep breath. 

“I thought you were dead yesterday.” He said softly. “I was on my way to the Nasty Burger when I saw the ghost fight. I was going to tell you… And then… I thought I’d never get a chance.”

“I’m sorry.” Danny whispered. “I wish you hadn’t seen that. When I saw the flowers and chocolates on the ground I thought you’d think I was some sort of freak. That maybe you didn’t stay because you thought I was a monster.” 

Dash pulled away and shook his head. “No. I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t know what I was doing running away. I came back to tell you I loved you before you died but you had already disappeared.”

Danny’s eyes widened. “You still love me? Even seeing what I am?”

Dash nodded. “Of course I do. Phantom does so much for all of us everyday. How could I not?”

Danny smiled and pulled Dash into another hug. “Thanks. And for the record, I love you too.”

He pulled a card out of his backpack. “I was gonna give this to you yesterday too.”

Dash took the card. On the front was a picture of a red landscape. You’re like a martian sunrise. He opened the card and inside was a drawing of space with heart shaped stars.

Out of this world.

A tear slipped from his eye and Dash snorted out a small laugh.

“You dork.” 

Danny turned and bumped his shoulder against Dash’s. “Yeah, but you love this dork. You said so yourself.”

“Yeah. I do.” 

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas, Arista here - i saw that you answered some asks so I was wondering if I could receive some big sisterly advice from you <333 because mood rn is LASKDHFSALJFHALSJHFSD and I just want to rant!!

I really don't know how to stop comparing myself to other people around me - I'm in my senior year and about to apply to university, and I KNOW i have to stop it because it's a losing game always always always, but then I don't know how to find peace within myself

Especially because we're in the midst of exams, where EVERYTHING is given a percentage, everyone will end up with universities with some better than others, and it's harder and harder to blur the lines between what's me and what's my scores and stuff. And, I'm quite ambitious and high achieving, but I feel like I always fall short of my goals and I just don't know how to STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE! I want to get good scores, I want to get into a good university, I want to be top of my class, but it seems like I can NEVER get there, and I don't even know what I want. I also think I crave validation from other poeople - it's all a big fucking mess and I really just don't know what to do!??!

I can't talk about this with anyone really - the second I mention something to my mum she quips back with the fact that I should be grateful for the opportunity to study etcetc which I AM I REALLY AM!!! but that doesn't make the pressure and my feelings any less valid? Like, ahhh literally about to cry AGAIN

Sorry for the long message :((( but I just needed to get it out to SOMEONE at least!!!

Ugh I understand this so much. It's hard because so much of high school and even university is based on numbers- your grades, your spot in your class, etc. But the thing I realized real fast is that after University, numbers don't matter nearly as much. I mean it depends on your career, but not once, in many job interviews, have I been asked about my GPA. Yes, these things matter. But only relatively. When you feel pressured, try to remind yourself of the big picture, you know? You, as a person, are more than the numbers that are used to define you.

But trust me, I get it <3