#but also this outfit rotating in the back of my mind haha

[pynkhues]

The thing about his waist only being a little bigger than his head kills me because it's so accurate

https://x.com/nosepheratu/status/1847005065741033828

(and I do love that Levan commented on this outfit)

That outfit is lowkey a fave, so I'm delighted Levan likes it too, haha. He really showed up trying to woo Louis back with a pair of His & His cars and a slutty little outfit, he has never once read the room in his entire life <3

[m4g0hun]

in stars and time x dungeon meshi

(extra thoughts and ideas below!)

closeups!!

so this is more of a isat in dungeon meshi kinda au than the opposite, the idea is that the King is the dungeon lord/mad mage, his desire being to be able to freeze the dungeon and the country in time

The change belief still exists, and Mirabelle is still a housemaiden destined to save the counrty, so she goes to seek out companions who can help her on her journey

Everyone's reasoning to join is still the same as it was in the game

Also this isn't a redesign of them, more like a dungeon meshified version of their clothes + colors so they could fit in better (imo!!)

ok now onto some design notes!

Siffrin

originally he was just gonna be a half-foot, but i realized his wish to be able to stay with everyone would hit harder if he would outlive them, so i made them a half elf- halffoot

i removed his hat purely for aesthetic reasons lol, i think he would stand out too much in the dungeon meshi universe with it, but i suppose its true for ingame too so maybe ill give ut back to him if he behaves well

i also wanted to remove his hat so i could see the top if his beatifiul head

his poncho is a bit different, just a few small details so it would better in universe i think

he lost his eye in one of the previous dungeons they were going through

Mirabelle

she's still part of the change religion

i felt like her being an elf is pretty much perfect, no notes on that

i did have marcille in my mind while designing her outfit, and also theyre kinda similar overall i think?? idk but i love both of them

i gave her braids because its canon in the dungeon meshi universe that taking good care if your hair+unique hairstyles strengthen your magic and also i think its cute

Bonnie - the senshi of the group!!!

i wasn't sure what race i should make them at first because they're a kid so theres no point in chosing a shorter race to show their size i thought, but then i remember how cute gnomes are in the verse with their big ol ears so thats what they are haha

their design is probably my favorite out if anyone as well

i imagined they would join pretty much the same way senshi did

Odile

her race was also pretty much immediately decided

her clothes were the biggest struggle for me, not only figuring out how to make them look a bit more medieval-like but also the colors

i decided a while ago in my head that odiles color palette would be blue but it was still a struggle making her coat not look like a lab coat lol

maybe that was the intention but i really just wanted her to appear like a normal adventurer

Isabeau

as you can see on the page i have the least amount of ideas for him lol

i pretty much just had laios in my head while i was designing him

i do feel a bit bad for taking away his stripes and silly looking belt thingy but i felt its a bit too much for the dunmeshi verse

thats pretty much it i think!! not sure if i will draw more of this au, i just mainly wanted to get it out ot my head cus its been rotating in it since i played the game

[thousand-winters]

Dear pal!!! 💖 I also come asking for Darius lol, but I also ask for your takes on Soren. He was one of my og fire emblem favs and the first one I ever cosplayed way back in the day so I'd love to talk fe9/10 more!

Hello!!! 💖😄

Oh, my god, you cosplayed Soren? That's SO cool, I kinda wanted to do that, but I've never done cosplay asfhjsdg

But okay, okay, let's start with the man, the legend...

✨ Darius Deamonne ✨

1. Sexuality headcanon

This man is aroace in my heart. Ace at the very least, I don't mind any romantic orientation, but I'm hellbent on him being asexual, haha.

He has the vibes, the ace community has claimed him, he's ours.

2. OTP

Me and him /j

Sorry, I had to 😔

Honestly, my feelings for Darius ships are mostly neutral. I do see shippy art and go "oh, cute", but I don't actually ship anyone with him, tbh.

3. BROTP

Eber and him, of course

Is it fair if they actually have a sibling-like relationship? I have no idea, but I pick them anyway. They get to me. Absolute opposites and yet they adore each other, joined at the hip, I will never recover from Darius instantly stopping fighting the second he saw a knife being pointed at Eber's throat.

The siblings ever 💜🧡

4. NOTP

I was gonna say Dalador because while I understand why it can be fun, it just doesn't click for me, but you know what? I've seen Darius and Adrian as a couple before and that's... yeah, I'm picking Darius x Adrian for this one.

My man has better taste, I'll stand by this. That's, uh, aside from all the ways in which Darius wouldn't stand Adrian personality and morality-wise, of course asjfgjsdg

5. First headcanon that pops into my head

Oh, Darius being a messy sleeper keeps rotating in my head lately. As in "do you see this man that looks all fancy and dignified? Yeah, he's snoring LOUDLY and sprawled all over the bed right now" + him definitely NOT being a morning person and taking a solid hour to wake up in the morning, it just feels right

I cannot remember how this one came to be, but I know it's the Dadrius server's fault /pos

6. Favorite line from this character

There are two quotes battling in my head right now. I'll cheat and say both.

Okay, first of all: "NO MORE PLAYING AROUND!"

Just... the growl ✨ the anger ✨ the anticipation to his transformation. 10/10, I'm obsessed with the delivery of that line and that scene in general. He was lowkey pulling the dramatics with that one and I love him for it

And now, because of my Dadrius heart, of course:

"Magic or not, I think you'll make your predecessors proud"

The actual pride already in his voice, his smile, his newfound fondness. I'm so soft for that line 🥺

7. One way in which I relate to this character

Oof, that's a hard one, I'm not sure I actually have much in common with Darius.

... The inherent necessity to be impossibly extra sometimes, I'm counting that one (I mean, I did go very extra to be dressed in a him inspired outfit that one time so...)

8. Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

He's perfect, he doesn't cause me second hand embarrassment at all... I think. I enjoy him very much, I know he might have been embarrassed at getting the fright of his life because of Eda's curse, but I simply enjoy him

9. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Oh, I think he counts as a problematic fave, haha. It's not even his fault, but people make the biggest fuss with him for things they would overlook with other characters, it's a whole mess with Darius. I personally don't think he's problematic as much as simply flawed, but people will fight tooth and nail to insist he is, so... yeah

And as for my darling Soren 💚

1. Sexuality headcanon

Mmmm, good question. I don't tend to think a lot about this at all, but perhaps demiromantic?

2. OTP

Ikesoren

I'm a simple woman. But also there's SO much to their relationship, I'm sure it's been talked to death and back but their conversations make me unwell in a good way 😭💕 They need each other so much, they're so important to each other, I adore them

3. BROTP

It's absolutely in part because of that scene from the extended script but... him and Ranulf. Idk why but I kinda feel like there's some camaraderie and complicity between them by Radiant Dawn, and I found it very sweet how Ranulf was genuinely happy to see Soren coming out of his shell. There was a certain level of trust there that I find fun when it's explored

4. NOTP

I surprisingly haven't seen unholy ships, but I'm sure they're out there somewhere afdjkghfh

There are a few ships with Soren that I think are kinda cute but for NOTP, I think the one I've seen that makes me go "nope" is Soren x Mist. Does Soren look like a straight to you /j. I think if anything they would be closer to siblings too, tbh

5. First headcanon that pops into my head

Okay, so I have this headcanon that Soren does NOT enjoy reading, at all.

Why would he, tbh? He was kinda forced to learn by the sage, and I believe he mentions he had to study that stuff day and night when he was still pretty young, which... yikes. it has always been for him a question of how useful it can be for this or that, even later with the Greil Mercenaries, since he uses that skill to be useful to them too.

Now, it might be less canon, but in one of his dialogues in FEH he mentions he's reading a History book, not for personal pleasure, but to see if he can find anything useful for the strategies in that world.

He never once mentions reading books for fun, it's always work oriented, so because of that and because the whole thing with the sage sounds honestly traumatic, I truly think reading is a duty for him, not a hobby

6. Favorite line from this character

Okay, I have two here as well, ahaha, also coolness factor vs emotional value.

The first would be: "It would be in your best interest not to presume to know my strength"

It's just a cool line, alright? I'm rotating it in my head constantly when I think of him. Resident small mage is actually very powerful, true, do not underestimate him

And then of course: "I just wanted to see the only boy who had held out a warm hand when I had nothing"

Like at this point you have learned the whole story between Ike and Soren, and it just hits so hard. Something so small, so simple, brought their bond, and such a strong bond it is 🥺💚

7. One way in which I relate to this character

Trust issues ✨ Inherent self-value in what you can offer others. We won't address this 😌

8. Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

Oh, my god, his scenes with Aimée are ridiculous and ridiculously funny, I adore them, he's such a cheeky little shit, but I'm half covering my face when he's flirting with her in RD, he says such embarrassing shit, help asjhfgjhdsg

9. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Oh, problematic fave for sure. There's his whole thing with the laguz, though I love how he learns and starts getting over it. He is very much an asshole with that tho, so... yeah, problematic

[retrievablememories]

moonlight | jaehyun (m)

title: moonlight pairing: jaehyun x reader genre: smut request: “Hi 😘 Nct members going to a strip club and jaehyun getting a private dance that turns into fucking scenario please? Can be smutty” word count: 3.2k warnings: sex work, oral sex (male receiving), dirty talk, riding a/n: I admittedly don’t know much about strip clubs at my big age of 23 💀 I researched what I could but took some creative liberties. I only included a handful of nct members here since that is a looot of men lol 

“Don’t look now, but your pretty boy and his group of friends are back. Diane says their car is outside,” Anya says, walking into the dressing room where the rest of the girls are. Your interest is piqued at this, though you pretend not to hear her as you finish applying your makeup. Serena isn’t so quick to let you off the hook.

“Isn’t that your boyfriend? Your little boy toy?” Serena asks, leaning closer and batting her eyelashes at you.

You pause with the mascara wand in your hand. “What boyfriend?” you scoff, though you already know exactly what she’s talking about.

“Girl, stop pretending like you’re not into him or some shit. You look at him almost as much as he stares at you!” Anya rolls her eyes and puts her hand on her hip, looking every bit of an Amazon in her 6-inch heels.

“He’s yet to request a private dance, so…I’m not sweatin’ over him. And anyway, he’s no boyfriend of mine if he ain’t paying the bills.”

“Okay, I heard that one!” Both Serena and Anya laugh at your comment. But now that you know he’s here, you are suddenly a little more motivated to dance well tonight. Not that you don’t already, but a little extra never hurt anyone.

Him and his idol friends come around to Moonlight every so often, one weekend or so a month, to get their rocks off. They’re from that kpop group NCT, and you’ve figured out the one who stares is Jaehyun. But you don’t know a ton about them other than those bare facts.

With Moonlight being one of a few ultra-diverse strip clubs in Seoul, it rose to popularity fairly quickly after its establishment. And to no one’s surprise — no one who truly knows the game, anyway — there are always a lot of kpop idols who come to watch the dancers. Their fans would undoubtedly be scandalized if they knew, but hey, that ain’t your problem. You’re here to make money, have fun, and seduce starry-eyed, lonely men. If they’re attractive, that’s only a bonus.

The House Mother, Daya, comes to stand in the doorway and calls your name. “You’re up next girl, so move that ass!”

“I’m coming,” you sigh dramatically, but there are no hard feelings at all. She’s one of the nicer club owners in this part of the city, one who treats all the girls like equals no matter what their skin color or creed is. And when you work in a club as popular and as multicultural as Moonlight, you need someone there to keep the drama to a minimum.

--

The club is as dim as ever, but the stage lights remain at a low shine, ready to come on full blast once the next dancer appears. The music thumps so heavily that the bass seems to become one with the building, making every part of the club feel alive with energy. A group of 5 men enter, weaving their way through the seats to make it to their usual spot next to the stage.

“Wow, can’t believe we’re actually in a strip club right now, haha…” Mark tries to play it cool, but he’s not very good at hiding his nervousness. This is only his first strip club outing with the other boys, after all. He taps his fingers on his legs like he’s playing the drums.

“Yeah, could’ve sworn we were on Mars instead,” Doyoung says, and the others laugh while Mark rolls his eyes.

Mark isn’t the only one whose nerves are getting to him, though. Johnny notices Jaehyun’s restless demeanor as the rest of them settle in, and he muffles a laugh, nudging the younger man. “God, I hope that one dancer you like is here tonight, you look like you’re about to come out of your clothes.”

“She’s way out of your league,” Ten snickers.

“Stop acting like I’m ugly. I could get her any time,” Jaehyun argues, glaring at the other man.

“She’s a woman of her own, not something you can take as you please, Jaehyun!” Johnny says, and both Ten and Jaehyun laugh.

“Johnny, you should keep an eye out for your own crush.” Doyoung gives him a knowing look, and he only laughs sheepishly in response.

It isn’t long before you appear on the stage, the club bursting with cheers and claps and the dual spotlights flickering to full illumination. The spotlights glisten on your skin and reflect off the light pink lingerie set you’re wearing, making you look akin to a goddess—at least in Jaehyun’s eyes. You step out from behind the velvety curtains, letting the fabric caress your body before making your way towards the pole in the middle of the stage.

Your signature song plays as you twist yourself around the pole and perform your favorite tricks, letting yourself be hyped up and carried away by the people around you calling your stage name and throwing bills at your feet. The world spins as you do, revolving around the pole with your legs touching the sky. You grin at the upside-down faces staring back at you, leaving your charm to do all the talking.

You finish your pole routine by slowly sliding down to the base of it and landing carefully in a split. Your back is facing the NCT boys, though you look over your shoulder to flash a sultry look at the audience. This one is always a crowd-pleaser—though you also use this move as an excuse to catch a glimpse of Jaehyun’s expression. You aren’t disappointed by the hunger written across his gaze.

You gracefully turn your body to them, getting on your hands and knees so they have a full view of your chest. As you crawl closer to the end of the stage, Jaheyun’s figure grows clearer underneath the club’s simultaneously dark and light atmosphere. He’s close enough to reach out and touch. 

So you do—bringing your legs out in front of you and spreading them in an appealing stretch before resting them on his shoulders, one after the other. Other men in the club seethe with envy. Jaehyun himself is stuck like a fish out of water, blushing madly but also completely into your display.

Beside him, Doyoung whoops and Johnny whistles. You lift your legs off of Jaehyun gracefully and follow the move by letting your silk robe slip off your shoulders, fully exposing the bare skin of your shoulders and back. Even this is enough to get the men riled up again, and you revel in their cheers.

Jaehyun knows enough strip club etiquette than to try to touch you, and you take advantage of this by gliding off the stage and circling him like he’s your prey. You purposely brush your silk robe over his body, letting it cocoon him in your scent. His fingers drift across it, and he wonders if it could possibly be as soft as your skin looks—or maybe you’re even softer.

Before he can truly get into it, you’ve flitted off to another nearby table of men, taking your silk with you.

“Holy fuck,” Mark looks like a deer in the headlights, and his legs are crossed uncomfortably to hide his obvious boner. 

“The baby’s gonna implode!” Ten laughs.

“Well hold it, because the night is just beginning!” Doyoung shouts.

Jaehyun’s eyes keep coming over to you even as you rotate to one of the other, smaller platforms in the club, another girl taking your spot on the main stage.

--

“You really put it on him tonight, huh?” Serena says, putting her arm around your shoulders. “He’s totally in love. Watch him come to the next show with an engagement ring.” You chuckle at that idea. You find it strangely endearing. You wouldn’t marry him without knowing him, of course, but the idea of having him that tightly wrapped around your finger makes you grin.

You don’t have long to think about it before Daya is coming to break up your kiking fest.

“You’ve got a request for a private dance from one Jaehyun. Sound familiar?” Daya announces. Serena nudges you, and you nod. Daya raises her eyebrows. “You up for it?”

The corners of your lips curl up in a smile. “Give me 5 to freshen up.”

--

Moonlight holds a dozen or so rooms within its second story, all solely reserved for private dances. You climb the stairs slowly in your heels, partly because you don’t want to trip and partly because you’re slightly nervous about what to expect. There’s an abundance of security guards stationed on this level—and each room has an emergency button—so you’re not worried about safety, per se. Whoever this Jaehyun guy really is, you hope he can meet a few of your expectations, at least. Maybe it’s a little embarrassing, but you’ve built him up in your mind more than you’ve allowed yourself with other club-goers.

The room number is 202. You stand in front of the door for a few moments to take several deep breaths. Then you relax your body, talking yourself back into your Performance mode, and open the door.

“Who’s this handsome man?” Jaehyun looks up to see you standing in the doorway, still wearing your outfit from the stage. He sits up on the plush black couch that stands out from the blazing purple hue of the rest of the room. A row of mirrors frames the wall behind the couch, reflecting your own figure back to you. He looks a bit disheveled, with his shirt unbuttoned and his slacks crooked, but it’s a good look for him.

He leans forward to drink in your body, his eyes drifting up from the garters resting against your thighs to the lacy bra covering your breasts, and you smile underneath his gaze. “Jaehyun. And you’re ______...right?”

“Of course. You should know me by now, special boy,” you tease, sauntering over to him to sit on the couch beside him, instead of his lap like he expected. Still, you hover incredibly close to him, your hand sliding against his lapels and stroking the fabric of his button-up right where it unfolds against his skin. “After all, you’ve stared enough.”

“It’s hard not to.” Jaehyun rakes his eyes across your body as if he’s dying to touch it. You smirk and stand up again, sliding off your silk robe and throwing it to him as you wind your body to the music coming from the room’s speakers.

“What would your girlfriend say?” you tease.

His eyes widen at that. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Don’t act so scandalized about it...men with girlfriends and wives come here all the time. It’s shitty...but it’s life.” You say this while twisting your hips in his face, and he initially seems a little too distracted to realize you’ve said anything. Then it registers.

“That’s....do you like this j-job, at least?” Jaehyun’s breath hitches at the end of his sentence when you drape yourself across his body, your head resting back on his shoulder and your ass pressing against the undeniable bulge in his pants. Still, he doesn’t touch you, which you are grateful for—many other men haven’t been so tactful during private dances—so you continue servicing him without a care in the world.

“It’s fun, and I get to meet handsome men like you.” Your fingers ghost across his jawline, drifting only inches away but not making contact. “There’s a lot to like about it.”

You move away and he thinks you mean to get up, but you only turn to face him. “You can touch me now, if you’d like. I think you’ve been a good boy…”

You grind in Jaehyun’s lap and are delighted when he responds in kind, pushing his hips up to meet yours. Your faces are inches apart. You are practically breathing in sync, smiling like there’s a secret only the two of you know.

You make the first move by kissing him, and he slants his mouth against yours as if your lips have always belonged together.

You grasp Jaehyun’s hand and lead it to your hip, and he takes the cue to rest both of his hands on your waist, simply following your directions.

He does take the lead with the kiss, though, biting your lip as you gently pull away, and tugging you back in. He tastes like alcohol, and as cliché as it is, it makes you feel a bit drunk—but that might also be due to his demeanor itself.

“How long have you wanted this?” you ask, sliding your hand into his black shirt and drawing your nails across his skin—not painfully hard, but enough to make him throb under you.

“Maybe too long,” he says. “You’re very beautiful.”

You smile. “Aren’t we a perfect match, then?” Your hand slides lower, to his abdomen and the muscles you can feel even under his dress shirt, and then to his belt. “Would you like to continue?” you ask. 

“Yes.”

You unbuckle his belt, sliding the leather through his belt loops and dropping it off to the side somewhere. You slide yourself off his lap to kneel in front of him as you caress his lower half, rubbing your hands up his thighs and across his bulge, underneath his clothing to feel his abs, and then back again. 

Unzipping his dress pants is equally fun. You watch him sweat and feel him shudder as you drag the zipper down with your teeth. You pull his underwear down after, slowly drawing the material over his skin on purpose. His cock springs out, hard and thick and flushed with need, and you lean forward to drag your mouth over it, base to tip.

Jaehyun is heavy and warm against your lips and he smells good, like male musk, like pheromones and desire. You hold the base as you slap his dick on your tongue and he rolls his head back, making a sound between a groan and a laugh as if he can’t believe this is happening.

He doesn’t want to rush or hurt you, so he lets you do the work of sliding him into your mouth as far as you can take, drooling over his dick and sucking him so messily that it makes his knees quiver. The groans and grunts you pull out of him are lovely to hear—you feel good to know that you can bring him this much pleasure so easily. His precum drips into your mouth, salty on your tastebuds.

Jaehyun is pliable in your hands as you stroke his shaft, focusing your tongue on his leaking tip. You feel his thumb brushing the back of your neck, his hand settling on your nape as he watches you suck his dick. He curses under his breath when you scrape your teeth against him very gently, giving just enough pressure to make it feel good.

Soon, you feel Jaehyun nearing in your mouth, his cock throbbing harder and his thighs trembling around you.

“I-I want to fuck you,” Jaehyun says abruptly. You pull back to look at him through your eyelashes. You leave a trail of spit lingering between your lips and his dick, and he looks like he might come right then.

“Such a greedy boy.” You lift yourself to be level with his eyes, tilting his chin with your fingertips. “What’s the magic word?”

“Please?” He looks like he isn’t totally certain that’s the right answer, and it makes you laugh. In response to his request, you turn to face the door, bending over and making a show of unclipping your garters and sliding your thong down before straightening to remove them completely. Jaehyun moans at that.

You turn back to see that he’s already taken care of the condom. He groans beautifully for you again when you crawl back onto his lap and slide him inside of you, clenching around his hard length.

You start with a slow and winding rhythm at first, not entirely hellbent on teasing him but not willing to let him blow his load too soon, either. His hands are all over your body at this point, gripping your ass and your breasts and whatever else he can get his hands on. He pulls your bra down and tugs your nipples into his mouth like a man starved. 

You laugh at his eagerness, riding him harder.

Jaehyun plants his feet straight on the ground and starts thrusting up into you and you cry out at the added sensation, his tip hitting against your g spot and making you sweat and tremble.

“Fuck, you’re good,” you sigh, digging your nails into his shoulder as you fuck each other at the perfect pace.

“This is the best pussy I’ve ever had,” he says in between sucking your nipples. “I’ve gotta taste it.”

“N-next time.” Your body squeezes around him again as he brings one of his hands to the front to rub your clit. You’re glad the music is loud, otherwise there’d be no hiding your noises or the sound of your skin slapping together.

You feel wild and free in a way you haven’t in a long time, and you let yourself scrape your nails across his skin and bite at his neck as you fuck yourself harder on his dick.

You and Jaehyun kiss and thrust against each other like you’ll never get to do it again, with all the delicious hurriedness that a quick and tension-filled type of fuck can offer.

“I’m c-close.” Jaehyun groans this into your hair as you’ve gone back to biting his neck again. He grips your ass and holds you tighter against him, if at all possible, and pushes himself into your spot with renewed energy. His hand still works your clit, just shy of being firm enough to hurt—but practiced enough to provide pleasure.

“Not without me,” you say, licking the shell of his ear. “What would your friends say?”

“They wouldn’t know, because right now, you’re mine alone.” He slaps your ass and that’s enough to get you spilling onto him, crying his name right into his eardrum as you shudder and tighten around him.

Jaehyun comes soon after, thrusting a few more times and settling himself deep inside you as he fills the condom. He leans his head against the couch and you watch as he vocalizes his pleasure, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he arches into you.

You feel sated and a bit sleepy now, but your shift isn’t over yet and there are still more shows to be done. You lay a kiss on Jaehyun’s throat before gingerly untangling yourself from him and redressing, making sure everything is in place.

Jaehyun throws away the condom and does the same for himself, though there won’t be any hiding the bruises you’ve left on his neck. He looks in the mirrors behind him and blushes at the sight of them, brushing his fingers over them.

“Sorry honey. Hope your friends don’t tease you too much over it.” You smile sympathetically, though you aren’t terribly sorry. You move to open the door but Jaehyun calls out wait, and you pause.

He slides a piece of paper with his number on it into your hand and gives you a smirk. “Don’t forget our promise. ‘Next time,’ remember?”

You tuck the paper into your bra and make a note to put it somewhere safer once you get to the dressing room. “Of course, baby.” With that, you are gone, and Jaehyun is left with the memories—and the marks—to remind him of you until you meet again.

[wizardouxie]

Trollhunters but it’s a figure skating au

So Jim used to skate when he was younger

But he left the rink to take care of his mom after his dad abandoned them

Weirdly enough it was his dad who originally got him into ice skating

But it was for hockey and not actual figure skating whoops

Steve constantly tries to bully Jim about it

Apparently it’s a “girl” thing

Toby on the other hand tries constantly to get Jim back into the game

“Come on dude, you used to fly across the ice! It’s super cool,”

“You know I left that behind Tobes,”

When they find out Claire is a skater Jim is Interested™

Toby notices LMAO

“DUDE DUDE DUDE YOU CAN IMPRESS HER!”

“TOBY NO –”

Jim kinda wants to but at the same time he doesn’t really have the motivation for it

Or a coach…

OH BUT HE DOES

Because it’s Blinky and Aaarrrgghh!

They’re really good coaches

Well Unkar begs to differ but THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT

Aaarrrgghh actually teaches Toby to skate as well

“Jim look I’m doing it!”

“That’s great Tobes! A couple of years and maybe you’ll reach my level!”

“Haha nice joke!”

“I was being serious –”

Draal gets lowkey pissed that Jim is trying out for nationals cuz he’s been working up to this to prove to his father Kanjigar

Who by the way, was the one who always faced off Gunmar in the finals

However Bular beat Kanjigar one competition and ever since then the pro skater has given up his claim to glory

Anyways there’s a regionals competition that Jim and Draal are competing to win because after that they can move onto state

Toby somehow lands himself as a commentator for the ice skating competition so you can bet your money he’d yell into the mic over Jim 

Eli is the other commentator

Jim beats Draal fair and square

Draal grudgingly accepts defeat and decides to help Jim on his journey to winning gold

Trollhunter amulet? Nah. Ice skates that make Jim feel confident? YAH.

No they are not enchanted nothing is enchanted in this AU

They’re his lucky skates leave him be ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

Meanwhile Strickler is Bular’s coach

…They really don’t get along

Strickler and Nomura try to spy on Blinky and Jim to see what routine and music they’re planning to use

They also steal Jim’s skates cuz they notice how he some gets better with them in comparison to his practice skates

Blinky and Jim find the skates in their bag and exposes them

SCANDALOUS

Lmao doesn’t stop them from sending Angor Rot to do their dirty work

Angor also steals Jim’s skates and Jim’s like bruh

Jim breaks something of Angor’s and Angor freaks but the adult is quickly taken away by security and now banned from all local skating rinks

Jim breezes through state competition thankfully

Unfortunately so do others 

Here comes the Return of Gunmar and Morgana

Aka the two of them getting back in the competition because Bular repeatedly FAILS to demolish Jim and Morgana wants to claim the win she was denied before

They both “need” a coach so Usurna backs Gunmar while Morgana has Dictatious

Blinky is appalled to see his brother fraternizing with the enemy

The Tribunal (without Usurna) are the judges of the competition

Meanwhile Jim really wants to impress Claire

He hopes she’s watching him from home

But get this, she’s going to nationals for the women’s division

Small world we live in, huh?

NotEnrique is her coach but they have a hard time getting along with each other

For the most part she’s been studying Morgana’s routines from past competitions and borrowed some sequences while putting her own spin on it (literally)

Jim loves to see her practice and the feeling is mutual from Claire’s side!

Even if it meant seeing Jim always tripping on his feet

And getting his skates stuck rip

She finds it cute lmao

They begin to fall in love yada yada yada PAIR SKATE

They do a pair skate to Eres Tú for fun

At one point Merlin pops in to give Jim advice and everyone freaks

He’s an ex Olympics gold medalist what’s he doing here???? OMG???

He takes Jim to another room… and tells Jim to switch his entire routine

“Gunmar will easily defeat you with that mediocre performance,”

Jim is Offended

But after some consideration he takes Merlin’s new routine, shuts out everyone from the rink to practice on his own

Quickly reaches brink of exhaustion, like he’s caked in sweat

Still keeps going at it despite the shouts from the other side

Blinky is yelling at Merlin and Claire is trying to break through and it’s BAD

Meanwhile Jim is tearing up because he’s gotten this far and he’s trying his best and everyone is rooting for him

He can’t let them down, he just can’t

He collapses on the ice the same time the door is broken down

The press learns about this and the headlines are raging about whether Jim will participate in the finals or not

“I’m going to win,”

“No, you’re going to hurt yourself,”

“I don’t care,”

“But we do!”

Unfortunately his mind is set

Blinky and Aaarrrgghh can only watch him push himself

Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: The Grand Prix Nationals

Jim goes up against Gunmar and Claire goes up against Morgana

Jim takes his chances before getting into the rink

“No lucky kiss for me?”

Claire raises an eyebrow and then kisses him on the cheek

“Go get em tiger.”

After that Jim is absolutely feral on the ice

Homie is out for blood

The commentator remarks that he’s not even human at this point with his new routine

Merlin watches with approval, stroking his beard

Blinky has a strong urge to pull it but Aaarrrgghh holds him back

Jim finishes his routine while looking at Claire and Toby and they give him a thumbs up

Gunmar does his performance and it is definitely professional, after all he’s been doing this for a long time

He ends by smirking at Jim

But let the results speak for themselves

Drum roll please!

…

…

…

JIM BEATS GUNMAR BY A LARGE MARGIN LETS GOOOOOO

And so Gunmar dies figuratively (HA get it figure skating fig- okay nvm)

Press goes nuts that the rookie beat a pro

Suddenly cameras and mics are shoved towards Jim and Toby is loving it

Toby, certified public relationship agent

Blinky is so proud of Jim

“I knew you had it in you.”

Now we move onto the women’s division

So Claire definitely has a few tricks up her sleeve

She pulls off a costume change and her outfit goes from white/gold to black/purple

Then she pulls off a move that Morgana attempted in a previous comp but failed to perform which leaves the crowd shocked

Morgana is utterly stunned to the point it affects her performance

She over rotates, trips, slips, every ice skating nightmare, you name it

Everyone watched the Grand Prix thinking Morgana would win and came out just knowing Claire would seize the gold this time

Morgana is humiliated with a bronze… again

Afterwards Jim and Claire are yelling at each other because they won nationals together

Merlin walks up to them and offers to coach them for Olympics if they’d like

Blinky and Aaarrrgghh definitely tag along

Merlin isn’t about to get all the credit

Toby unfortunately has to fly back to Arcadia while they train :((

But no worries, he can always commentate on the ice skating performances at home!

*sigh* They’re not as fun though, mostly showcases rather than competitions

But one day a new rising skater from Cantaloupia shows up to the rink and changes everything

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 4

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 8.5k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: swearing, ehhh lots of angst and fighting oh nooo, and mentions of sexual acts

the plot thickens and there’s no actual smut in this part i’m sorrryyyyyy but more smut is coming!! i pinky pwomise uwu

-------

"Morning, jagiya. Do you have a minute?"

You're practically vibrating with the effort of acting normal as you process Taehyung's question. What can you even say to that? Oh, sorry. Actually, can you guys come back later? I'm kind of in the middle of discovering a secret fucking society of PhysComs who are dating their clients, and I'm trying to see if there's a way I can get in on that sweet, sweet deal. Fuck no. That's not going to work. Anything other than agreeing will sound too suspicious, and you can’t let them know what you’ve discovered. At least, not yet.

"Of course." You paste on a smile as you reply, your mind still reeling as you pull the door open all the way. You’re still wearing only your robe, but it’s silly of you to shield your body when it’s theirs to ogle during work hours anyway.

“What can I do for you, masters?” You ask sweetly, slipping on your persona like a second skin to keep your thoughts safely hidden from view. Your clients should always be your first priority. Not rule breaking, and certainly not any unlikely fantasies of romance.

Something seems off about their body language. They look uncomfortable. You’re suddenly reminded of the weird tension in the air when you last saw them, and just how fragile your position is after everything that happened last night. You need to rid their minds of what they saw at dinner. They need to view you as their eager little toy again, not someone who broke or someone to be pitied.

You instantly thicken the illusion of obscenity, eager to convince them, and maybe yourself, that things are just the same as they’ve always been.

“So… what would you like from me? A blow job? Hand job?” You stretch your arm up and lean sensually against the door, your eyes half-lidded. “Do you both want to fuck my little holes and stretch me open?” You giggle cutely and start to untie the silky belt of your robe, forcing all thoughts of your ComGear out of your head so you can focus on your job, which is pleasuring your clients. 

Jimin steps forward before you can pull the robe open, and stops your hand. He carefully ties your garment back together, though he avoids your eyes, his expression grim. “No… actually, we want to talk with you.”

Damn. You thought for sure that little ploy would at least fluster them a little, and maybe get them in the mood for something, but they both remain strangely sober.

“It’s about last night,” Taehyung supplies quietly, looking down to the floor.

Well, shit. What is there to talk about? You used your safe word and ruined everyone’s fun. Are they holding it against you or something? That's not really fair when the two of them are partially to blame for distracting you by playing mind games and messing with each other. 

Then it dawns on you. Namjoon probably sent them up to apologize for their fighting. That must be why they’re acting so stiff. After all, he did say that the three of you should work things out together.

You feel a bit relieved and give them a fleeting smile of reassurance. “Masters, it’s okay. Let’s just move on from what happened last night, hm?” You want to take their hands, but you resist the urge. You really shouldn’t initiate contact unless it’s related to their pleasure. You settle for lacing your hands coyly behind your back, making your chest stand out rather provocatively. “I’ve forgotten all about it, really.”

They both still look dreadful. Worried. You finally notice that there's a hint of pity in their eyes and it makes your skin crawl with foreboding. You get the terrible sense that this is about something bigger than safe words, squabbles, and kisses.

“No, we all want to talk to you,” Taehyung explains with a slight clearing of his throat. “In the kitchen. Namjoon-hyung sent us to… come and get you.”

You can feel your heart start to race as your adrenaline spikes from a sudden shot of fear. What could they possibly want? What's changed between last night and today? Sure, logically, they could be calling a meeting for a variety of reasons, but only one scenario is circling through your mind, over and over… and it ends with you packing your bags.

“Do you want to, like... go now, or...?” Jimin mumbles, clearly uncomfortable about the situation.

You blink, feeling dizzy. Your playful aura has disintegrated in an instant and made way for something much more frigid and fearful. “Yeah… um, let me just get dressed first,” you murmur distractedly. “I’ll be down in a minute, masters.”

They nod and thankfully take the hint that you need a moment to collect yourself. The two of them head back downstairs and you shut the door behind them, your whole body numb. You hurry to your closet, trying to retain some semblance of routine despite the storm you feel approaching.

In the daily rotation of things, Friday - last night - was Seokjin’s day for him to do as he pleases with you, and that includes deciding what you wear. The apron you’d had on yesterday was one he had picked out for you beforehand. Your closet is sectioned off into clothes and costumes chosen by each boy for you to don beneath (or in some cases on top of) your utility belt on their chosen days. Some days they request a specific outfit, but most of the time it’s up to you to select from their options. Your favorite clothes to wear are probably either the oversized hoodies with cute panties and no bottoms that Jungkook chose for you, or the crop top and leggings variations that Hoseok loves to see you wear.

But Saturday is for Yoongi, and today’s outfits are what could be considered party clothes, full of strappy leather harnesses, deep jewel-toned mini dresses, and lots of high heels. Not exactly comfort clothing. You love it when they choose what you wear and dress you up like a little doll, it’s hot and everything, but sometimes you just want to wear sweatpants. Or a t-shirt and jeans.

Fuck. You grab a pair of black booty shorts and a busty sequined halter top, the closest thing to daywear out of Yoongi’s choices, and you also elect to go barefoot. If this meeting is as bad as you fear it’ll be, then you don’t know if you’ll be able to stand upright in six inch heels for very long. Sorry, Yoongi.

You blow a lock of hair out of your eyes after squeezing yourself into the tight attire. Credit to Min Yoongi where it’s due, the top does make your tits look amazing, but honestly that should be the least of your concerns right now. You almost laugh at such a trivial thought.

Once you reach your bed, you hastily grab your ComGear, hoping you have at least a few minutes to figure out something before you’re pulled away again. There’s a backlog of messages, but thankfully not too many, as you log back into the chat room.

[ PCsv02_svt ]: oh where did she go [ PCsv01_svt ]: probably got called away [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: probably havin.. sexy times B) [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: wink wink [ PCsv01_svt ]: … [ PCsv03_mtx ]: guys you shouldn’t encourage her about dating :/ [ PCsv03_mtx ]: bad things can happen too [ PCsv06_ast ]: yea sanha is always nice to me, but I know some clients can be... not so nice [ PCsv09_$px ]: yeah, thanks [ PCsv06_ast ]: oh... sorry :( [ PCsv02_svt ]: aww aashi didn’t mean it like that G [ PCsv02_svt ]: we’re all here for you, u know that right? [ PCsv09_$px ]: mm. thanks guys [ PCsv01_svt ]: speaking of which, how are things with you? [ PCsv09_$px ]: uh.. same as always. [ PCsv01_svt ]: has anything happened since last time? [ PCsv09_$px ]: no, but they’ve been out of the house a lot [ PCsv09_$px ]: they have a lot of schedules right now [ PCsv01_svt ]: I see… [ PCsv02_svt ]: oh she’s back!

You stare at the log in dismay. Well, crap. “Bad things” can happen...? What kind of bad things? Is dating clients a thing or not? You have too many questions and not enough answers, and you don’t have time to investigate any of it. The boys are waiting for you downstairs.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: so… my clients just called a meeting with me. I can’t really talk right now. [ PCsv01_svt ]: a meeting? [ PCsv02_svt ]: that’s okay hon! we’ll still be here when u get back ^^ [ PCsv01_bts ]: this is all…fuck sorry, it’s a lot to deal with right now

You rake a hand through your hair, your body and mind are just completely spent from everything that’s happened recently.

[ PCsv01_svt ]: it’s alright, we’re not going anywhere [ PCsv03_twc ]: take your time to understand everything ♡ [ PCsv03_twc ]: it took me a while haha [ PCsv06_ast ]: we’ve got your back! 150% hehe >u< [ PCsv02_svt ]: yeah! don’t sweat it hon~ be kind to yourself, especially when you need to figure things out ^^

All of their assurance pouring in nearly brings a smile to your face. You don’t know most of these people, and you can’t be sure that they aren’t all just really smart bots or spies sent by your network, but… they do seem like a supportive bunch.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: thanks [ PCsv01_bts ]: but what exactly did micha mean by “bad things can happen”? [ PCsv01_bts ]: is dating even safe? [ PCsv03_mtx ]: oh haha… [ PCsv04_blp ]: safe? Oh honey... [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: lolol [ PCsv03_mtx ]: well I just meant that some PhysComs have been… taken advantage of [ PCsv03_mtx ]: so you can’t just jump into it ^^; [ PCsv01_svt ]: i wouldn’t call anything in this line of work “safe” per se [ PCsv01_svt ]: it’s hard to advise anything when we don’t know what your clients are really like [ PCsv01_svt ]: but if you do manage to enter a relationship it can either make or break your employment [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: hell yeahhhhh B)) [ PCsv01_svt ]: for some people it’s a last ditch effort, offering intimacy to idols who are touch starved to begin with… oftentimes breaking those boundaries will changes the client’s perspective, and soon they see you as essential, regardless of any minor misconducts [ PCsv01_svt ]: while for others, the attachment forms naturally and appears to be a genuine connection, such as with sascha and joshua [ PCsv01_svt ]: but of course there’s no way to tell for sure if the client’s feelings are genuine or if they have ulterior motives, so it’s definitely a risk [ PCsv01_svt ]: if things were to turn sour in the relationship, it could lead to termination or worse… you know, hell hath no fury like a lover scorned and all that [ PCsv01_svt ]: people can be duplicitous [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: durr durrr antione smart smart [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: i’m taking notes on ur lecture sir uwu [ PCsv01_svt ]: blake [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: ^-^? [ PCsv01_svt ]: shut the hell your mouth [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: >:D

You sigh. Reading all these names and trying to keep everyone’s identities straight is making your head spin in your already addled state.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: is there a way to change the contact names in this chat? [ PCsv01_svt ]: nope [ PCsv02_svt ]: sorry boo, it’s for protection ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You groan in frustration. Nothing is making sense, you’ve found no answers, and you still aren’t sure you can even trust this chat room. On a whim, you tap on Sascha’s username, and a contact page pulls up for her within the chat app. It doesn’t give any information besides her username and a blank profile photo, but there is a call button.

Shit, what do you have to lose? If this is real and not some elaborate hoax, then Sascha should pick up… right? You could grill her, ask her questions only she would know to prove it’s really her.

A sudden buzz from your ComGear nearly scares you shitless, and you check to see that it’s just a message from Namjoon.

Sweetheart? Could you come down to the kitchen?

You take a deep breath to steel your nerves. Fuck. You can’t put this meeting off any longer. You slip your ComGear into your belt and head downstairs towards what you’re sure will be your inevitable doom.

-------

On your way down the long staircase, you take deep cleansing breaths to combat the growing knot in your stomach. You’re hoping half-heartedly, albeit rather foolishly, that maybe the boys just need your help with something harmless, like making breakfast. They do love your omelettes.

You slow down as you approach the kitchen door, and you can hear many muffled voices arguing on the other side. It sounds like they’re trying to stay quiet, but failing. You stop to listen, your curiosity getting the better of you.

“Just because you got to-” “-not fair-” “I don’t like this-” “-so why should she be punished for-” “I swear it wasn’t-”

Punished? You don’t like the sound of that at all, not one bit. Just as panic starts to swarm your mind, Namjoon’s voice rises above the clamor. You lean against the door to hear his calm cadence, much more gentle than the previous raucous of the others.

"Look! Guys, I know it'll be hard. Okay? I know we've all grown very attached to her, but I think... I think this will be for the best. For all of us."

Fuck his calm cadence.

They must be talking about you, they have to be. You’re the only “her” in this house. You feel like you’re drowning in regret and fear, spiraling as your worries returning tenfold, despite your best effort to keep them at bay.

You’re going to walk through that door and they’re going to fire you, you can feel it. Namjoon’s going to look you in the eyes, and where such tenderness had been last night, now there will only be a steely gaze. It’s just business. You slump against the polished wood and bite back a dry sob, burying your face in your hands. You don’t think you can do this.

“God, you make it sound like she’s dying.” There’s Yoongi’s voice, lilted and matter of fact. “She’s not going anywhere.”

You lift your head. Not going anywhere? As in, not being fired?

Oh, bless Min Yoongi and his slutty sequin tops. But then… if you’re not going anywhere, ergo not getting fired, then what the hell are they talking about?

“Yeah, but what if this thing doesn’t work? What if she doesn’t... want this from us?” Jungkook’s timid question draws silence from the room.

“Then things will go back to normal, right? We just… forget it ever happened.” Jin. He sounds bitter and forlorn, not at all like his usual self.

“How can things be normal after what happened last night?” Hoseok sounds even worse than Jin, his voice choked with emotion. “I don’t think I can even have her as a PhysCom anymore! Something has to change.”

This declaration is met with another bout of overlapping arguments, only to be silenced once again by Namjoon.

“No, Hobi-hyung is right.” Namjoon says, his voice decisive and final. “This is a fork in the road for all of us. At the end of the week, we’ll take another vote. If things don’t improve with her, then… we’ll do what has to be done. There are always other PhysComs who can fill the position.”

What... the fuck…?

Ice crawls up your back, as if someone just dumped you into a freezing pool of water. Numbness seeps through your limbs, into your heart.

Are you really that replaceable in their eyes?

You’ve invested all your time into building bonds with these boys specifically so this wouldn’t happen. How can they be so heartless? It hurts. There’s a wrenching pain in your chest at hearing them talk about you so… so pragmatically.

It hurts because it’s exactly the way that you would handle the situation. With pragmatism.

But you know what? Fuck this. Fuck them. They took a fucking vote on the fate of your livelihood? You owe them nothing.

You’re overwhelmed, and angry, and confused, and you just can’t take it anymore. You want this guessing game to end. If they’re going to fire you, or punish you, or whatever, then you should just go in there and get it over with already. It has to hurt less than hearing them talk about you so callously.

You wait for a break in the conversation, and then ease open the kitchen door, stepping inside and doing your best to keep your expression neutral.

��Oh, there she is! Just the woman we wanted to see.” Namjoon looks up at you with a practiced smile, even though he’d just been rubbing his forehead the way he does when he’s stressed.

“Not for long,” Yoongi mutters, clutching his coffee mug a little too tightly as he takes a sip.

Your gaze flickers to him as quiet, seething anger settles in the pit of your stomach, a burning ache that doesn’t go away. He has the balls to joke about this, when your career is on the line? You’d have thought Mr. Underground Rapper would understand how hard you’ve fought to get here. Does he really feel nothing, sipping his coffee while you face the guillotine?

Namjoon shoots Yoongi a weary look, then comes over to greet you. “Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling? Better?” He cups your cheek, his eyes full of gentle concern.

You nearly flinch away from his touch. How dare he act so kind to you when they were just conspiring about whether you’ll keep your job?

You take a step back, out of range to be touched by any of them.

“What’s going on?” You ask them firmly, deciding not to hide your misgivings. Their eyes all seem to wander elsewhere in the room, Jungkook is staring at the counter in front of him like it’s suddenly become very interesting. Taehyung is looking up at the ceiling as if counting the tiles. Seokjin’s gaze is trained straight ahead into nothing, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Cowards, all of them.

Namjoon takes the initiative and clears his throat. It’s hard to take him seriously when he’s wearing Ryan the Bear pajamas, but you give him your rapt attention. “So, we’ve been discussing things, and after what happened last night… well, it really cemented this for us. It made the decision that much easier.”

Did it? Did it really make it easier for them to fire you after seeing you break down and cry from using your safe word? You half debate throwing a punch at that handsome jaw of his. Might as well go out swinging.

He seems uncomfortable from the severity of your glare. Good, let him be uncomfortable. God knows you’ve put yourself in some uncomfortable positions for them.

“You’ve worked very hard for us since you were hired, and since today marks your official six month anniversary, we think it’s only fitting to end these six months on a good note.”

Oh, how poetic. Come on, just get on with it. Flowery words, especially insincere ones, won’t help you find another job. They won’t help keep you off the street while you struggle to make a living for yourself.

You stare up at him determinedly, your lips pursed as you steel yourself for the blow. You will not cry.

“We want to extend your time off.”

Wait, what?

“Starting tomorrow. It would have been your second day off for this month, but we’d like to extend that to a week off instead.”

They’re not firing you? They’re… rewarding you with vacation time? Doesn’t make sense. Your mind is reeling, trying to figure out the catch.

“You can wear whatever you want, do whatever you’d like.” Namjoon rubs the back of his neck, seemingly thrown off by your wide eyed lack of response. “You’re not obligated to have sex with us…”

Oh. There it is. A sex ban.

Sure, they’ll give you a nice little vacation, free of worries and obligations. What, so they can all play with Secondaries, like Jin did?

Fuck, that’s what this is about, isn’t it? Jin probably told them how good it felt to fuck another cunt and now this is their way of telling you that they want to ‘see other people’, isn’t it?

This is worse than firing you outright. They’re killing you slowly, stabbing you in the gut to watch you bleed out, like a wounded animal in the desert.

Your vision is red, rage stemming from fear and insecurity building up inside of you faster than you can comprehend.

“So you’re suspending me?” Your voice is surprisingly calm, even to your own ears.

“I… I guess you could put it like that.” Namjoon says hesitantly.

“We just want to give you a break, jagiya,” Taehyung interjects, and he does look genuinely torn up about the change. But feelings are of no use, not now that things have come to this. The only protection you have left is your own pragmatism to rival theirs.

You cross your arms in front of your chest, feeling much too exposed in your skimpy outfit. Damn Min Yoongi and his slutty sequin tops. You level your gaze at each of them in turn. “Don’t I get a say in this? I’m an independent contractor.”

Namjoon seems befuddled by your scorching glare, but he nods after a moment, seeming to come to his senses. He’s the one person here that’s best equipped to acquiesce to your sudden formalities. “Yes, of course. Uh… do you want to step into my office? We can work something out. Draw up a formal agreement, if you’d like.”

You see a flash in your mind of the last time you were in Namjoon’s office, not even a week ago, where you had him bent over his desk, cumming all over your fingers and dripping onto the ornate carpet.

You shake your head. They don’t want you to play with them for a week? Fine. You won’t give Namjoon the satisfaction of a home court advantage. “I’ll call my handler. We can discuss this in the lounge in an hour.” You don’t have a lawyer, but Yeji is the next best thing.

Namjoon seems a little surprised at your sudden switch to a cold and business-like demeanor, but he nods in agreement.

“Wonderful,” you look between the other boys, though most of them avoid your gaze. “I hope you all enjoy your breakfast.” You can’t resist hissing the words, and you hasten out of the room before your stone cold facade can crack.

You close the door behind you and lean heavily against it, trying to find your balance again after being thrown so off-kilter. What the fuck just happened?

“Well… that could have gone better.” You hear Yoongi sigh, and the others all break out into loud bickering again from behind the door. Honestly, they’re like children sometimes.

You scoff miserably at their immaturity and inability to see how seriously they just toyed with your life, and you wipe your eyes before the tears can fall, hurrying back to your room.

-------

That could’ve fucking gone better indeed.

You press your face into your hands, trying to stifle the fury and despair bubbling up inside your chest, threatening to suffocate you. Your hard work and years of dedication, all of your training, everything you’ve worked towards, becoming valuable and necessary so you’d never be cast away again, it’s all for nothing. You’ve still ended up in this position.

What the hell are you supposed to do now? Wait around for a week as they slowly lose interest in you? The very thought is agonizing. It tugs at all your buried fears and insecurities, watching them as they each slowly forget about you. Watching yourself become useless.

No. Stop it, you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself when there’s work to be done. Time is ticking.

When you get overwhelmed in life, you’re supposed to ask for help. But you have very limited choices for who you can ask. You’re isolated and subjective in this case, so what you need right now are some outside opinions. Objective viewpoints and thoughts about the situation that aren’t stuck in the mire of emotional complications, and tainted by your own hellish visions of the worst possible outcome.

Yeji, your handler, would be your first person to consult. She’s probably the most professional woman you know, after yourself, and most importantly, she always has a plan for any situation. You pull out your ComGear and see that it’s still on Sachsa’s mysterious contact page. She could be a second opinion. That is, if it’s really Sachsa and not some network spy.

You shake away the thought. One thing at a time.

You send a brief message to Yeji, letting her know to come and see you as soon as possible.  You tack on that it’s kind of an emergency, and could she pick up some ice cream for you on the way, double fudge ripple.

She replies that she’ll be over in fifteen minutes, which gives you just enough time to change clothes and rehearse how to explain what happened.

You shed Min Yoongi's sequined strip of fabric without an ounce of remorse and stare at your closet in dismay. None of their outfits are comfortable, let alone respectable for a meeting. Frankly, your pajamas would offer more coverage.

You feel close to tears at the simple matter of choosing an outfit. This is ridiculous.

No. They may have control over what you do, but you can still rebel, at least in this small aspect of your life. You grab one of Jungkook's hoodies and a pair of leggings from Hobi, combining the outfits into what could be considered loungewear.

Once changed, you feel a bit more like yourself, and wait anxiously for your handler to arrive.

-------

Choi Yeji is an intimidating woman. She possesses the subtlety and sting of a viper, and isn’t afraid to say what she means. She’s never shown you any great lengths of emotion, even under stressful circumstances. So it doesn’t surprise you to see her calm and collected as she walks into your room.

“What happened?” She asks while you shut the door behind her, and she sets down the shopping bag of ice cream.

Her composure helps ease your frazzled brain, and you quickly explain the events of the past twenty four hours. Well, the events she needs to know, anyway. You were stressed at dinner, used your safeword, and now they seemingly think you’re broken and need to rest, but you suspect it’s an excuse for them to distance themselves from you.

“You think you’ve fallen out of their favor?” Yeji inquires, resting the tip of her spoon in her mouth. She claims desserts are her only vice, and had joined you in the ice cream, but still kept a professional distance and had eaten hers seated on your desk chair while you remained flopped on your bed. “Why? They’ve never sent in a single complaint about your service.”

You sigh in frustration. You know, or you at least suspect, that it has something to do with the… feelings that have come to your attention recently.

But the thought of sharing your romantic dalliances with Yeji is just plain awkward. Your relationship with her has always been business focused, monitoring your diet and exercise, your needs and leisure requests. You've never called her over to talk about your love life, or anything too personal for that matter. It’s not really in her job description.

She’s your handler, not your therapist.

But you know that you can't get around telling her the reason why things have been so tense in the house, it's inevitably going to come up. If she's representing you and backing you up during this meeting with Namjoon, it's in your best interest for her to know all the facts.

That still doesn't make it any easier to talk about. “I... think I might know why.” You admit, laying on your back, covering your face with your arm as you prepare to talk about your affairs.

Yeji levels you with a knowing look. “Did the chat room help you figure it out?”

You sit bolt upright. How the hell did she find out? 

Your brain struggles to provide an explanation in a vain attempt to cover your tracks, but Yeji eases you down from your silent panic with a wave of her hand.

“It’s alright,” she chuckles, a kind smile gracing her lips. “I was the only person alerted that you’d disconnected from the network and linked to a new one. I know all about the hidden network."

"You do?" You manage to utter, too astounded to say much else.

"Of course." Yeji inclines her head. "I used to work closely with Madame Guillaume, you know."

The tension dissipates from your body to make room for the curiosity that now overwhelms you. Guillaume? That was her last name? You only ever knew her as Madame.

Yeji seems amused at your dumbfounded expression. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

You don’t know what to say. Honestly at this point, so many shocking things have happened to you that a part of you isn’t even surprised anymore to hear that Yeji knows about the PhysCom dark web. Sure. Why not?

“So is it… real?” You ask, scooting closer towards the edge of the bed.

Yeji sets down her spoon along with the empty pint of ice cream. "Yes. It's most certainly real." She folds her hands in her lap, unaware of the chocolate that's gotten around her upper lip. "But that isn't to say it's not dangerous."

You can't help the snort of a laugh that comes out of you as she talks so seriously with chocolate on her face. She looks at you askance and you wordlessly hand a tissue to her, pointing at your own mouth. "You have something…"

She blinks rapidly. "Ah, apologies." She looks over to your vanity mirror and wipes off the smudges. There's a slight lilt to her voice when she speaks, a result of the fact that Yeji always uses English around you, despite Korean being her native tongue.

You’d mentioned once that it sometimes felt weird to see others’ lips move differently to what you were hearing them say, thanks to your auto-translation chip, and she’d apparently made a note of that. Yeji has used English with you ever since, despite your assurances. It amazes you that she always goes above and beyond to make sure you're comfortable, even when it comes to speaking

Your handler clears her throat to continue. "Anyway, as I was saying. The network does have security, but no measures are foolproof. Anything you send to them has a risk of being seen by other people."

You twist your lips to the side. “Like who?”

“Well, for one, their clients could easily catch a glimpse of the chat,” she notes. “Or the information could be leaked in a security breach. You know all the leading PhysCom networks have heard whispers about this dark web you’ve discovered, and many of them would be all too eager to dismantle it.”

You automatically shake your head. You don’t know why, but the idea of the people in that chat room getting discovered, or being punished for their little spark of camaraderie… it feels wrong. Totalitarian. “But they’re not harming anyone. It’s just a group chat.”

Yeji sighs. Her lips twitch as she considers her next words. “It may seem harmless, or indeed it may even be harmless,” she states calmly. “But the higher up that one is placed, the more scared one becomes of falling. People in the higher ranks of the industry may view the chat room as a threat. Like a… PhysCom mutiny.”

“What? But that’s ridiculous!” You huff out a laugh. “They can’t possibly think we could organize a union against them. We’re illegal workers. We have no rights in society, we can’t even physically see each other.”

Sure, the risk of rebellion would be understandable in companies that employ people in respectable positions. But sex workers? That’s like being worried that drug dealers will rebel against the crooked pharmacies that supply them.

PhysComs are nothing without networks to market them and provide for their basic needs. Your career is forever tied to your network, so each network only wants the best of the best. Your reputation reflects on them as a business. So, if you get fired by your clients… your network might let you go, too.

You sigh, trying to push away such troubling thoughts. “Besides, it’s not like the people in that chat room are the only people who can fill their positions.” Your face falls a little as you continue. “We’re replaceable.”

Yeji picks up on your change in tone. “You were telling me why you think things have changed?” She waits patiently for you to explain.

You hug your knees to your chest, your gaze falling to your comforter. “I think… some of my clients might have developed feelings for me.”

You wait in silence for a beat, not daring to look up.

“Is that all?” Yeji asks, as if you’d just informed her that the toilet paper had run out.

You scoff in bewilderment. “What do you mean ‘is that all’?” You demand, a little underwhelmed by her reaction. Does she just know everything?  “That’s a huge deal! Feelings are not a part of my job.”

Yeji tilts her head to the side, her eyes cast upward as though looking for the right words. “Perhaps. You might consider it an… occupational hazard,” she says with a kind look towards you. “You may not be selling your heart to those boys, but you are selling your body, which protects your heart fiercely. After enough time, letting them touch your body… it’s inevitable they might slip through and touch your heart.” She shrugs, taking a sip of the coffee to-go cup she always seems to have on hand.

You feel exasperated, like you’ve been building up all this hot air only to have it slowly leak out of your proverbial balloon. “You don’t have to get all… philosophical about it,” you grouse half-heartedly. Yeji merely chortles.

“The insecure always cast stones at those who speak the truth,” she hums into another sip of coffee, looking over the references she’d brought with her on her phone. “Now that I’m aware of this huge deal of yours, you may want to fill in any details you, ah… forgot to mention?” She gives you a look, and you groan inwardly.

But you comply, spilling all the information of your romantic dalliances since the moment Taehyung kissed you. Yeji doesn’t hold any judgement in her face, she merely nods, taking a few notes for herself, and asking an occasional clarifying question. You also feel compelled to add in what you overheard the boys talking about before you came into the kitchen.

“They said something about a vote… and that they would hold another one at the end of the week ‘if things don’t improve’ with me. Can you believe that?” You inhale, trying to quell the anger in you before it can bubble up again.

Yeji clicks her tongue, a cold clarity in her eyes as she adjusts her glasses. “So you believe Kim Namjoon is the instigator in all of this? He would try to dismiss you, even after you confided in him?”

“He’s their leader,” you say quietly, unable to conceal the hurt in your voice. “His loyalties are to them.”

Yeji doesn’t look at you with pity, but with sympathy. You’re grateful for the distinction. Pity makes you feel worthless, but sympathy makes you feel… heard. Understood. Not something you’re used to experiencing, but it’s still a nice feeling to have.

“Well,” Yeji checks her phone, standing up to leave. “It looks like we’re just about out of time. We’d best be getting downstairs.” 

You get up as well, tugging your clothes back into place. “So, you’ll help me change his mind?”

“I must remain impartial, in order to reach a satisfactory conclusion for both parties.” She gives you a look while organizing her papers and clipping them into her briefcase. “But I’ll do what I can to negotiate you out of this so-called vacation,” she says, her voice fueled with that same resolve that she’d shown you whenever she’d been fixated on getting you something that you requested.

“Yeji.” You hesitate, then walk over and take a hold of her arm. “Just please… don’t go easy on him.” You ask, giving her a meaningful look.

She pauses and looks at you for a moment, then finally lets out a sigh with a brief flutter of her eyes. Her job isn’t easy, but then again, neither is yours.

“Alright,” Her voice is reluctant, but resolute. She gives you a brief smile with a touch of fondness, and opens the door for you. “I’ll give him hell.”

-------

You wind and unwind the drawstring of your hoodie around your finger as Yeji organizes her paperwork. The tension in the air is palpable. Namjoon sits across from you both, now dressed for the day in business casual, a white t-shirt under a blazer and slacks. He must have an interview or a photoshoot today.

Your mind wanders briefly to what he usually does when he has a schedule, asks you for a quick blowjob before he leaves. You think of that warm smile he gives you after you swallow his cum, and the tenderness of his lips as he kisses your cheek before he heads out the door.

Lewd domesticity is how he phrased the kink during his interview.

“So, Mr. Kim Namjoon,” Yeji begins, snapping you out of your memories, her voice crisp in the otherwise silent room. She’s speaking in Korean again, to more clearly communicate with him. “You and my client are in a disagreement with regards to her services, is that correct?”

Namjoon frowns. “Not exactly. We just had a… simple misunderstanding this morning.”

Yeji gives him a thin smile. “Well, she called me here, which must mean that she feels the need for professional support concerning this issue,” she continues swiftly. “There are no laws governing Physical Companions, Mr. Kim, because they are not technically legal. A black market business. Therefore, I am the closest thing my client has to legal representation, and I wouldn’t call my lawyer about a ‘simple misunderstanding’, would you?”

Namjoon’s eyes flash with something almost like regret as he glances to you. His mouth opens and closes for a moment, then he briefly shakes his head, his gaze returning to Yeji. “No, I-I wouldn’t.”

“Right.” Yeji raps her collection of papers on the oak tabletop to align them, barely giving Namjoon a glance as she begins flicking through the stack. “Now, then. My client has told me that you wish to put her on suspension, is that correct?”

Namjoon winces. “I wouldn’t say that, uh, Ms. Choi,” he says, wringing his hands together. He looks nervous, his eyes flickering from you to Yeji, and back again. “Does our PhysCom need to be present for this meeting?” He asks her, flashing a smile that would be charming and amiable, if he didn’t look so tense.

Yeji meets his gaze unflinchingly. “Yes.”

“I… um, alright.” He purses his lips with a nod.

It’s weird. In all the time you’ve known him, Namjoon has always been unfazed and collected when it comes to business. You’ve never seen him look so flustered before. Since he’s putting you in this position, it’s satisfying, in a twisted sort of way, to see him uncomfortable.

He clears his throat. “In any case, myself and my members just wanted to give her a break. Simply extend her vacation time.”

Yeji looks to you, her expression almost bored. “Do you want a vacation?”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t.” You throw a glare at Namjoon before returning your gaze to the houseplant on your left, inspecting each leaf as you try to stay calm. You know if you look for too long at him, you’ll start getting worked up again. Your anger and resentment is still there, bubbling just below the surface. You hope he knows how much he hurt you.

Yeji turns back to him, inclining her head, her tone that of explaining something simple to someone who should know better. “It is against her will, so it’s considered a suspension, Mr. Kim.” She slips her glasses on, reading over the fine print on the paperwork. “My client is given two days off each month, is that correct?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Namjoon says. “One day off, every two weeks.”

Yeji raises an eyebrow. “Yet, you wish to suspend her for an entire week. That’s over three months worth of her regular vacation time. I must say, this appears to be much more than a simple extension, as you put it. I wonder why that would be?” She flips a page, skimming the words casually. “It says here that she’s received nothing but glowing reviews from all of you since she was hired six months ago.”

Namjoon shifts uncomfortably. You can tell that he’s trying to keep up his shields, but Yeji is a formidable foe with which to spar, able to find the smallest opening in an opponent’s armor and pierce through with the speed of a rapier.

“No particular reason.” Namjoon seems to settle on the answer after calculating his words.

“No reason?” Yeji’s eyes widen in mock surprise. “Mr. Kim,” She sets her papers on the table, looking at him expectantly. “I’m afraid I can’t allow this discussion to go any further unless you have a good reason for putting my client, your Primary PhysCom I might add, on suspension for an entire week.” She shakes her head with a mild shrug of indifference.

Namjoon tugs at the cuffs of his jacket. "Well, I think we can-"

Yeji interrupts him, her words slow and purposeful. “I think… it would reflect very poorly on you as a leader to make such drastic decisions,” Here, she gives a very brief smile that could be mistaken for politeness, if there was any warmth left in her eyes. “... for ‘no particular reason’. Don’t you agree, Mr. Kim?”

Damn. Hit him where it hurts, Yeji.

Namjoon’s mouth grows slack, his expression dumbfounded. You bite back a smile, eternally grateful for being assigned such a kickass handler. You make a note to request a bonus for her next paycheck.

But now Namjoon’s face has grown dark. His fingers are tented together, and he seems lost in a silent debate within his own mind. “I didn’t want to do this…” he mutters so quietly, you almost can’t make out the words.

He inhales sharply and sits up a little straighter, his composure regained. “Ms. Choi,” he begins. “I must admit, we do have some concerns about her performance.”

Your heart drops like a stone.

“Oh?” Yeji doesn’t look up at him, but starts scribbling on one of her papers. “What might those be?”

“We believe that she’s overworked, since, as you pointed out, she is our only Primary,” he explains in almost a monotone. “Her behavior has been emotional and unpredictable lately.”

At this, your gaze snaps to him, shocked. Why the fuck would he say that?

He looks down to the floor, as though ashamed, as he continues. “She’s kissed two of our members since yesterday, which is not on her list of services. She broke down crying last night during dinner. When we went to use another PhysCom, she had a meltdown. Started screaming at us.”

Your body feels numb and on fire all at once.

"We're concerned about her professionalism."

That motherfucker.

You leap to your feet, your body moving before you can think. Yeji pulls you back from physically assaulting him, but you strain against her grip like a wild animal. “You bastard!” You spit out the insult, hair falling in your face and venom in your voice, still huffing out ragged breaths as Yeji patiently calms you back into your seat.

Your hands clench so hard you dig marks into your palms. You’re shaking with unbridled rage at his betrayal. You didn't think it was possible to be so angry. Of all people, Namjoon knows exactly how dedicated you are to your work, even when you’re exhausted, how closely you stick to your professional boundaries, even when it hurts, how tirelessly you work to please all seven of them, even if it means being used over and over again without a moment to breathe. You’ve always given everything to your job.

Now he wants to turn around and say that you’ve been fucking slacking?

“You see what I mean,” Namjoon states calmly, though there’s something wavering in his eyes that doesn’t quite match the rest of his confident demeanor. He tries to meet your gaze, tries to get you to look at him, but you refuse, twisting your head away from him before you get yourself charged with murder on top of everything else.

Maybe it would be best for you to get fired. You’d rather live on the streets than be treated like this. Tears prick at your eyes but you blink them away. You refuse to cry in front of him. You won’t give him any more ammunition to use against you.

Yeji looks between you and Namjoon, her lips forming a thin line. “Kim Namjoon,” she addresses him, her voice cold. “Do you wish for my client to remain in this house?”

Namjoon seems surprised at the question, his eyebrows lifting. “Yes, of course.”

“Then, I think a recess is in order.” She stands up and brushes off some invisible lint from her skirt.

You stand up to join her, but she holds out a hand. “No. You two need to talk this out,” she says to you, then looks to Namjoon, staring him down. “I suggest you remember why we’re here, Mr. Kim.” After a moment of silence, she walks to the door. “I’ll be back in ten.”

With that, Yeji exits, and the two of you are left alone.

You cross your arms protectively around yourself, adamantly refusing to look at him. The silence stretches between you.

“Sweetheart-” he starts, but you interrupt him.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” you seethe. Proprieties be damned, you’ve had enough. “Don’t ‘sweetheart’ me, you fucking asshole. I have given everything for you and your members, okay? Don’t you fucking dare sit there and tell lies about me, to my face!” You shout, trying to keep your voice from shaking. You know if you keep talking your rage will melt into tears, and you cannot afford to cry in front of him. You simply won’t allow it.

“I know, I know,” Namjoon’s assurance overlaps the end of your sentence. He sighs. Waits a beat.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah! You’d better be.” You still don’t meet his eyes, the betrayal and confusion is just too much. On top of all that, you’ve never lashed out in anger at any of them like this. You still don’t regret shouting at him, but your heart is threatening to beat out of your chest in fear of repercussions. Did you make the situation worse? Is that even possible at this point?

“Look.” His voice is tentative, a little afraid. “I really am sorry, I didn’t mean any of that.”

“Then why the fuck did you say it?” You counter sharply.

“Because!” Now it’s his turn to shout, though he seems to regain himself much more quickly than you. “Because... I don’t know if that woman can be trusted,” he reiterates quietly, as if afraid she might hear him through the door.

Wait, what?

“Yeji?” You squint in utter disbelief. “Of course she can be trusted, what the fuck are you-”

“Not with this.” He sighs again, rakes a hand through his hair. “Listen, you have to trust me.”

You bark a laugh. “Trust you?”

He shakes his head, stopping your objections before you can list them. “This is serious. This is… bigger than either of us.”

His voice is the only thing that gives you pause. Just for a moment. He sounds… desperate. Scared.

You slowly look over to him, and his expression confirms your suspicions. Namjoon is fearful about something, his eyes wide with worry, his hair mussed from being tugged between his fingers. He looks completely different from before, and it has you reluctantly curious.

“What do you mean?” You let him keep talking, though you’re still taking his words with a grain of salt.

“I was… working on something. A better arrangement,” He begins, his eyes reaching out to you, then darting nervously around the room, as if he’s letting you in on his greatest secrets. “But I stumbled onto something bigger. I just… I need you to take some time off for right now, and I need you to trust me that it’s for the best.”

You level your gaze at him, silently weighing your options. He’s being awfully vague.

“What does my time off have to do with anything?” You ask, your suspicion coloring your tone.

“It’s necessary to test my theory properly. If I’m right, then...” He trails off, and you garner that his success would bring about something monumental.

You stare at him. You want to take his words as truth, but he completely undermined you in front of your handler. You can’t let him off the hook so easily. “How can I believe anything you say anymore? You just blew any trust I had in you.”

“I know,” he says, hanging his head. He chews on his lip, then takes a deep breath. “That’s why I’m willing to offer some… collateral.”

He reaches into his pocket and withdraws something small and shiny. “This.” He holds out the object to you, dangling from a short metal chain. “It’s the key to my studio.” His gaze bores into yours as you tentatively reach forward to take it. “The only key,” he adds gravely.

You examine the silver peace offering, and your eyes widen at the implications of such a gesture. His whole life is in that studio. All of his art, his collections, not to mention his computer. His music. His career.

It’s all sitting in the palm of your hand.

He reaches across the table and closes your hand around the key. “You can keep it until I’ve earned your trust again. Okay?” He gives you a brief, dimpled smile, as if to assure you, though sadness and worry still swim behind his eyes.

“Now, sweetheart. Please. I beg of you.” He takes your hand in both of his own, his worried eyes imploring you to trust him. “Please, will you take this vacation?”

[dxmedstudent]

hey! hope your day has treated you kindly. just wondering if you could talk to your 20 year old self, what would you tell her? (i'm turning 20 myself next week and have been literally following you since i was 16- which is crazy. also am a second year medic! i remember i used to bug you with annoying questions about being a doctor back in secondary school haha)

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It’s been a good day :) I went on a lovely date then spent the evening with my family, and now I’m winding down before getting ready for work tomorrow. Thank you for asking, that’s so sweet of you!  I’m so, so touched that you’ve been following me for that long; that must be since I was more or less a brand new doctor!  I assure you that the asks people send have never bugged me; it’s been fun! If being here and replying didn’t spark joy, I wouldn’t have hung around for so long!

Hmm, I wonder if I would tell my younger self different things than I would tell someone else? Perhaps I’ll try to include a little of both.

General Life Advice:

Don’t buy expensive clothes. Buy affordable clothes, as ethically sourced as you can. Charity shops are great. (I never really ‘do’ designers, but I know lots do)

Buy enough clothes that you don’t have to launder your favourites every couple of days; you’ll be busy and tired.

Buy clothes that require no or minimal ironing. They are worth every penny.

Buy clothes that have stretch; you’ll gain weight or you’ll lose weight. I regret when I put on weight and ‘outgrow’ fitted, non-stretchy clothes, and I hate when I lose weight and the same kind of outfits are baggy. Clothes with a little bit of size leeway serve so much better.

Only accept comfy shoes. Life is too short for painful feet.

Learn to let go of things that you don’t need or want any more; give them to charity, and make space for things you need now. That may mean letting go of the past, and who you were in the past.

Learn to meal prep.

Try not to skip meals you might be busy and tired and stressed, but your body and mind and heart all need fuel.

Accept that you are a flawed individual. You make mistakes, but you can do better.

Listen to others; you’ll learn so much  from people; your patients, your friends, people online with personal stories to share.

Don’t pick every fight with people who aren’t nice; you want to help everyone and save the world, and that’s good. But pick your battles, don’t let it burn you out or make you unwell. You can’t save the world by yourself, and you need to look after yourself to be able to help others.

Learn how to look after your finances. Spreadsheets are great; you can get them to do most of the maths. You can make them as colourful as you like, just keep on top of that stuff.

Get help if you’re not sure about these kinds of things.

Write everything important down in some sort of planner; the busier you get, the more your memory turns to mush. By the time you’re where I am in age/busy-ness, even the most obvious things get forgotten if you don’t write them down.

Always try to make time for the things that are important to you.

Forgive yourself when you get the work/life balance wrong. You are a Work In Progress, after all.

Whoever you are, and wherever you are from, own it. Be proud of the journey that has brought you to where you are.

Go to the GP when you need to. Just... don’t put everything off forever, even if you become a doctor.

Interpersonal relationships:

Look at people’s actions, rather than their words. When you can read a person’s actions, you will learn to spot how often people lie; especally when it comes to dating.

One lie and someone has proved that they are untrustworthy. Don’t keep anyone in your life that you can’t trust.

You’ll probably forgive things you shouldn’t, and look past things that cause you pain, until you can’t look past it any more. Unortunately we all learn by experiencing things and seeing how they turn out; please go easy on yourself when things go badly or you get hurt.

You never deserve pain or being treated badly.

You will recover from a broken heart.

Most people aren’t right for you, whether as friends or as partners, and that’s OK. Sometimes you’ll realise that some of your friends, or the people you like also fall in this category.

You never need to chase someone who is right for you. You deserve to be valued by the people you value.

But you do need to be prepared to put effort into curating the relationships in your life.

Don’t blame yourself if you drift apart from friends or they drift apart from you; it happens to everyone. Sometimes we grow into new people, and sometimes life just ... happens. Not every relationship remains right for us as we mature and change.

Try to make time for people; firstly prioritise those who need your help and support, but it’s easy to miss out on the quiet ones who you also need to catch up with.

Maintaining relationships can feel like a job in itself but  you will be much happier when you put in the effort. Isolating yourself is bad for you as well as your relationships.

You’ll make so many new friends. You’ll meet so many awesome people.

Don’t do anything you truly don’t want to do. Don’t attend meetups you don’t want to attend. Don’t date people you don’t really want to be dating. Learn to say no.

Work on building the courage to people how you feel; if you hold it in and keep things to yourself, then people can’t help you.  

Be kind to yourself, whether you mess up or other people mess up.

University and work:

Grades will sometimes be good, and sometimes less good, but you’re still the same person underneath.

You don’t need to prove your worth to any person, you are studying only for yourself.

Ignore those who try to turn university into a competition; make friends with people who take a cooperative approach to learning.

Let students who don’t respect patients, or who are bigoted know that you find their views repugnant, if you feel safe to do so. If you can’t accost them, don’t blame yourself for their actions.

Learn from the good doctors and students; pick out the qualities you want to embody.

Learn also from the bad ones; sometimes realising that is the kind of person you don’t want to be, is also a big motivator.

Learn how to spot the signs and symptoms of anxiety and depression; you’ll be pulling your friends out of a dark place, and one day they’ll be doing the same for you.

Learn the ways in wich the university is set up to help you.

Learn the system, know how to use it, and learn how to pull your depressed friend through those hurdles to get the help they need.

Learn how to write a CV, and update yours from time to time. Own your achievements.

You will become mroe confident and learn to own your space; it doesn’t happen in a day, or in a year, or even in ten. But it will happen, slowly but surely. 

Everybody gets crap rotations, or has to deal with nasty bosses or seniors or colleagues. It’s not you, it’s them. Really.

You won’t be with them forever, please don’t let them make you feel that you’re not enough. It might take a while to deal with the emotional consequences of the bullying, but you can do it.

Look out for opportunities; I know it’s hard, because sometimes it will seem like nothing is coming your way, but keep an eye out for interesting things.

In fact, you can push through whatever hell comes your way.

I feel like that’s a good start, but I’d be happy for medblr to add to my list :) Hope it helps!

[mengswe-blog]

Sketch to lineart!

So this is how I tend to start off a drawing. It's a hot mess on layer 1. I also REALLY exagerate anatomy. It's easy to trim it down, but it helps me see things. (Quick note, I’m using Krita and an XP pen digital drawing tab.)

Next is step 2, and it DOES look a lot like step 1, lol. I start a new layer and use a different color. Tidy anatomy, move some stuff around. But now I can kinda see what I'm going to want to change, where I want to move with this.

For instance, now I can see that I'm going to want to pull the chest up and out, which will give the spine more of a curve. There's nothing wrong with this, but that'll give the image more motion. Still thinking about that bottom hand. Probably I'll rotate it so its more side-on.

Oh, I didn't really address this, but I use a big, chonky brush for this so I don't get hung up on details. When I paint using my oils irl, I squint so I can only see big shapes of value at first. (If you’re dehydrated, this has the hilarious side effect that it deforms your eyeballs so you think maybe you need to go to the emergency room for a couple hours after you’re done squinting. Drink your water.)

So, this is steps 3 - ? because it's the wierd middle bit. I have enough anatomy down to start building outfits and details on, but doing that reveals more anatomy issues and frequently composition issues. So this wiggles back and forth a lot. Literally because this is where I start really flipping the canvas back and forth.

All the layers turned on for funsies.

Okay, so next I have lines, and they are mostly correct. You can see where I was like, "oooh, these are entirely correct" and started weighting them. Alas, there are still tweaks needed. Also, I made Wyn smaller so there would be room for magic. I always seem to draw things too big for the canvas, so I’m in love with that tool that lets you smoosh stuff down. This was, haha, a huge problem for me in art school when I was just using traditional media.

List of tweaks: The hair is wrong, and I think it's actually because the back of the skull is too big. I need to soften the facial featurs, and probably lift the mouth a bit. The biggest one is that I think the chest part of the chest armor needs to stretch down more.

Okay, so this next bit gets a little tricky to explain with just snips (why I'm excited to figure out the record function in either Krita or on my graphics card eventually). To make the above adjustments, I take the layer I want to tweak down to about 50% opacity, and on top of it, draw the changes. Ruducing the opacity of the below layer helps me “ignore” it a little, and drawing on top, of course, keeps the changes separate in case I have to revert. (Don’t mind my weirdo little notes about process and lore.)

Once I have some adjustments made, if I'm confident, I'll take the eraser brush at like, 30% opacity, and erase under the adjustment layer (blue here). It lets me see even better without destroying the work if I need to revert. The skull and chest plates show this. (The black arrow is pointing to an erased portion and the green is pointing to one where all I did was lower the opacity.)

Quick note about why Wyn is where he is. People like threes. So if you bust up a canvas into thirds vertically and horizontally, it's always good to put points of interest at the intersections. Wyn’s face, and his lower hand are about spot on. His upper hand isn’t, quite, but it’s close enough. I also want to leave enough “low value” space here for magic effects.

The last step before I have what I call finished line art is just so much fiddling with the lines. Make this one darker, make that one lighter, smooth this, make that pointier etc. Just a bunch of small adjustments. But at the end, ta-dah!

[theseventhhex]

Mellow Gang Interview

Mellow Gang

London four-piece Mellow Gang makes ‘night time psych-pop’ music with a raw and direct stance, dishing out songs deep from within with an enthusiastic vibrancy. The band’s primary framework combines a range of genres alongside feelings of self-reflection and contemplative songwriting. The debut EP from the quartet entitled ‘Play’ is a fascinating body of work, setting a scintillating tone for future work with lead-vocalist Harriet Joseph’s angelic delivery. Currently on tour across the UK, Mellow Gang’s dazzling live offerings are further proof of a hardworking outfit honing their craft with authenticity and dedication … We talk to Harriet about being drawn to the real world, living in London and curry club…

TSH: What’s the Mellow Gang band dynamic like when you guys form new music?

Harriet: It’s generally very laidback because we all get on so well. I guess we do have an intense focus from time to time, which comes in waves as we like to challenge ourselves. It’s cool that our rehearsals are very productive, even though sometimes it takes a few beers to get us relaxed and that’s when stuff really happens. We prefer to create on top of what’s going in the room, besides it’s great to know that we have a democratic feel where everyone gets a say.

TSH: What were you hoping to express as the ‘Play EP’ was coming together?

Harriet: Well, after finishing my studies, I cannot help but be drawn to the real world. To be fair, it took a while for me to get musically inspired because I was feeling drained for a long time. I definitely feel the need to discuss mental health and I want to bring it to light because it’s such a serious issue. Also, some of my song ideas are coming from the dark depths of boredom within my mind too. I’m also trying to express how to try and control pressures within oneself and trying not to panic in situations where you feel fragile and lack direction.

TSH: Do you prefer to go into sessions with material already written?

Harriet: Well, this has been the case for the most part. I often have the structures and lyrics already present and the songs write themselves in the studio. However, our latest approach to songwriting is way more collaborative, it completely depends on what we do in studio and there’s a lot more improvisation. I don’t take in many ideas anymore; instead we just tend to go in and wait for something to happen.

TSH: Having studied together, the friendship factor must allow for such a seamless energy between the band?

Harriet: Definitely. We’ve known each other for quite a few years; we’ve grown together and have each other’s backs. As a band, we’re always relaxed, I guess we try not to take ourselves too seriously.

TSH: Is it very much a case of you each combining your varied set of influences?

Harriet: Absolutely. We spent 8 months just configuring our sound - we were very patient. A few members in the band like psychedelic rock and I’m more into indie, there’s a nice variety. I actually played violin in university, so for me to become more of a songwriter has been a nice challenge too.

TSH: Tell us more about how a good melody helps you with your vocals...

Harriet: A good melody is very important for me. Melody most definitely matters with my vocal style, for sure. If I can make a melody work, it helps a song’s arrangements to become clearer too.

TSH: What comes to mind when you personally overlook a track like ‘Mirrored’?

Harriet: That song had quite a ballady feel originally, but we ended up taking it into the studio and gave it more depth and energy. I like the way that it bookends the EP. It’s a song that came out of a dark feeling of boredom, as well as feeling a bit lost. I think there’s also an element of anger in this one too. But yeah, it just unintentionally evolved once we were in a room together.

TSH: Talk us through ‘Vendetta’ bringing to mind feelings of paranoia and frustration...

Harriet: I wrote ‘Vendetta’ two years before we started this band, it was a song that I always came back to and revisited often. Again, the subject matter is about me by myself thinking about different sides of myself internally. Some people think it’s a song about a relationship and that I’m directing it towards someone, but I’m not. It’s more about yelling at yourself and kind of having a split personality.

TSH: Your father is a songwriter too...

Harriet: Yeah, we both have our hands in music, which means we can help each other translate feelings if need be. My father has been writing music in our attic studio since I was a baby. To be honest, my dad has a completely different style to me and I’ve never written with him. My father generally brings out the political and activist side in me. Also, unlike my dad, I don’t really feel like a singer/songwriter because this project is very much about the band as a whole.

TSH: Is it also beneficial that you all live in London now?

Harriet: Yeah, completely. London is such an inspiring city when it comes to the music scene. For each of us to be here is definitely important. We often get to meet a lot of likeminded musicians and have interesting conversations. Overall, it’s just a very accessible place and is always vibrant.

TSH: What keeps you entertained in the car during your drives on tour?

Harriet: Well, we each get a go with a variety of different album rotations. We’re currently listening to a prog-rock cd. Also, packed lunch is always a good idea when you’re on the road…

TSH: Speaking of food, Mellow Gang likes a good curry...

Harriet: Yeah, there’s nothing like bonding over a curry. We have curry club at the end of every month. I guess we like to treat ourselves after working hard, haha!

TSH: What’s currently driving you most with your musical undertakings?

Harriet: I think mastering our live show is definitely key for us. We each grew up watching our favourite artists providing joy for us and we want to be able to do the same for others. There’s just a unique energy that you get at a gig in a dark room, which can be so empowering. I feel that continuing to be able to play live and tour extensively is a primary ethos for us.

Mellow Gang - “Vendetta”

Play - EP