#but also then no song sounds similar so if you only like one you’re fucked

[maulsoleum]

HI I SAW YOU REBLOGGED THAT POST ABOUT. ME NOT GETTING GHOST LMFAOOOO. the one song i like is Absolution !!! its so so soooooo good. & i like their band aesthetic too!! and ive TRIED TO GET INTO THEM but i cant find similar songs :c - @polytherian

LMAOOOOO I WAS SO DISTRAUGHT OVER THAT IM CRYING. but holy shit i was so curious if it was the classic response of mary on a cross so absolution is a VERY happy surprise oh my god??

but yeah no that’s so fair, all of their songs are so vastly different (actually one of the reasons they’re my favorite band), but it makes it hard if you only like One and not the rest bc then?? there’s no others wtf

absolution is such a good fucking song though but ofc since it’s ghost it’s the only one that sounds like that, the closest i can think sounds like that is cirice or spirit but ough

loving the band aesthetic is so real though it’s so fucking MMM!!! even if you don’t like the songs you may enjoy the lore they have for the band bc it revolves around the aesthetic sm

can you guys tell ghost is my special interest ooo you wanna ask me about ghost so bad

[snowsonlylove]

Partition (Inspired by Beyonce & Ana Huang)

Pairing: President!Coriolanus Snow x Wife!Reader

Summary: Frustrated from her arranged husband’s lack of attention towards her, Y/N Y/L/N bursts in a plathora of words spewed to her arranged husband and elected President of Panem, Coriolanus Snow about his lack of care and affection towards his own wife despite Coriolanus literally being married to Y/N. Both parties being frustrated with no means to give their stances up, explode in a world of dirty, nasty sex in their limo on the way to former president’s son Felix Ravinstill’s dinner. 

Fic Type: Smut (NSFW) 18+ with angst, Arranged Marriage trope

Warnings: infidelity, cum licking, heavy kiss, degrading but also lots of praise, lmk if there’s anything I missed but this is vvv nasty 

Word Count: 2.6k

Inspo: Heavily inspired by Chapter 27 of King of Wrath by Ana Huang (my FAVORITE book of all time) from the Kings of Sin Series and the song Partition by Beyonce (an absolute GEM of a song). 

Disclaimer: About 90% of the sex scenes are directly from said chapter, so credits and the idea itself all go to Ana Huang and her team. The blowjob and first sex scene was from Ana Huang’s book and the last scene was a slightly altered version from me. This is basically an altered version of Ana Huang’s book idea turned into a version for Coriolanus and Y/N if they were in an arranged marriage. 

I do not own Coriolanus Snow or Y/N Y/L/N (cuz it’s you, boo). All credits go to Suzanne Collins and her team. Song credits also go to Beyonce and her team. 

I do not allow my works to be republished or translated under any circumstances. Any instances of this happening and YOU WILL BE BLOCKEDDD. 

Also, ageless and empty blogs will be BLOCKED as this is a 18+ fic. Report my fics and you’re blocked cuz if u don’t like it, LEAVEEEE.

Y/D/N = Your Dad’s Name (so sorry to anyone with daddy issues cuz me too)

The marriage of Y/N Y/L/N and Coriolanus Snow was not one born out of love. Their fathers, Y/D/N Y/L/N and Crassus Snow planned for their union before fighting in the war to strengthen and unite the families in a pursuit for higher power. Both Y/N and Coriolanus grew up around similar environments, both being in the same friend group, meeting each other in birthday parties, visiting each other’s penthouses for playdates and as of late, running into each other in the Academy as they receive their degrees during graduation.

Now that both Y/N and Coriolanus are of marriage age, their fathers immediately drew up the arranged marriage with a contract, binding the two young adults for life, their families growing stronger as a result of their agreement. Coriolanus and Y/N have never disliked nor liked each other as they each had their own squad of people to hang out with, Y/N always being around Arachne Crane and Clemensia Dovecote while Coriolanus was closer with Felix Ravinstill and Festus Creed, to each their own being disgusted with the opposite sex in fear of cooties as that was common with young children, which was not a surprise in the way the two supposed love birds navigate their marriage in a meaningless way behind closed doors when it was the absolute opposite in public.

Y/N Y/L/N never felt that Coriolanus’s indifference was a severe one until he started to bring home mistresses not long after they’ve moved in during the late wave of his candidacy. He started to fuck his way through his female staff as Y/N was tortured with hearing the sound of his groans and the moaning of the women he summoned as a means to relieve his stress. Y/N was heartbroken as she felt that they had this mutual understanding that they would always be loyal to one another even through the circumstances of their relationship, Coriolanus clearly did not feel the same.

The couple usually kept their interactions minimal in their household as they live in seperate bedrooms, only to come down to eat dinner, choosing to have the rest of their meals seperate during the day. As Coriolanus’s relationship with these women grew to be more common, Y/N did not have the appetite to cater to Coriolanus’s ego further as she skipped her meals with him, instructing the staff to send her meals to her room instead as she laid on her large queen bed, heart breaking and face puffy with tears streaking down her face over his infidelity. Even though she did not exactly feel for him, she at least cared enough about him as a trusted partner throughout their arrangement. 

The atmosphere between the two grew more and more tense each day as Y/N sobbed behind closed doors, trying her best to muffle her cries as Coriolanus worked next door. Coriolanus, oblivious to his wife’s muffled crying, doesn’t notice her strange behavior until that night where Y/N left her bedroom door ajar and Coriolanus was finally able to see how hurt Y/N had been over his infidelity. Coriolanus was shocked to see for himself how miserable his wife had been over his actions, him originally choosing to bring in mistresses to encourage her to confront him. He moved away, however, ensure of what to do next as he left her alone.

The next day, one of Y/N’s female staff, particularly one of Coriolanus’s women, had informed Y/N of an event she needed to attend that day, former president’s son Felix Ravinstill’s dinner. With her puffy face, she nodded as she started to get ready. Y/N felt dejected as she got ready, feeling as if she was going through the motions as several maids filed in to help her with her makeup and dress. Y/N wore a sullen frown on her face as she stared into the distance of her reflection in the vanity, wondering how and why she agreed to this marriage in the first place. “I will get out of this place once and for all…” she thought as she started to navigate a plan to be free of the ruse of a marriage. 

Coriolanus waited for Y/N outside of their mansion as Y/N appeared, her eyes still puffy although covered with the power of makeup. He extended his arm as she took it with caution, both of them stepping in the limo silently. Once they got in, Y/N stared off to the window of the limo as they drove away from the mansion. Coriolanus, apprehensive over his wife’s indifference, suddenly speaks “You know, you could smile a little?” he said with a timid one of his own. Y/N’s mood suddenly darkened as she responded in an even more dejected and hoarse voice “How could I? Please, dear husband, demonstrate how I could smile when my only other partner in this joke of a marriage brings home other women and fucks them for me to hear.” 

Coriolanus, taken aback by how dejected his wife’s voice was, responded, “Well I’m sorry if you feel offended by my lack of attention towards you as of late. We were never exclusive in the first place, our fathers planned this for us.” Y/N looked incredulously at her husband, “Exclusive?! What part of an arranged marriage and a contract doesn’t speak not exclusive?! Are you joking right now, Coriolanus? Because if you are, no ones laughing.” Y/N sighed, “I though you were smarter than this, Snow. I truly never imagined that my presence dissatisfies you so much that you had to turn to other women to satify your needs.” Y/N said as her eyes started to tear up again. She felt so exasperated, “There’s no point in crying now.. He clearly doesn’t care about me.” She thought as Coriolanus examines her face.

Coriolanus felt horrible that his wife felt like this towards him. He truly did not mean to go this far, only planning to give her a little push. He turned towards his wife, and suddenly grabbed both of her hands in his own, stroking them in a delicate way, as someone would with a precious porcelain doll. “I’ve never hated you, wife. I merely wanted to give you a push in this arrangement since we both did not agree to this. I wanted to encourage you to be closer to me, but how could I when you seem so distant all the time?” Coriolanus sighed before continuing, “I’ve loved you ever since I met you, but I’ve never been.. brave enough to confess that to you.” 

Y/N was left astonished as she looked at Coriolanus, “Perhaps.. I’ve also fallen for you during our arrangement, yet I’ve been in denial of my own feelings for a while. I’ve always thought you were quiet handsome, husband.” Y/N said with a small smile of her own. Coriolanus looked at her, surprised by her confession, before Y/N suddenly pressed her lips to his in a rough, desperate kiss that had both of them clinging to each other for dear life. Coriolanus’s hands were soon entangled in her hair as Y/N clutched her hands on his blazer. Their mouths fought desperately against each other, teeth clashing and theirs tongues molding together like a perfect puzzle. 

Their heavy makeout session resumed as the limo came to a stop. Traffic in the Capitol was not uncommon, but at this pace, they might as well reach Felix Ravinstill’s mansion at a time where cows are able to fly. The couple broke off after a while, Coriolanus staring down at Y/N’s V-cut dress as she straddled him and kissed his jaw before rising to give him a deep kiss. As they broke off from their kiss, Y/N’s hand trailed down Coriolanus’s stomach as she made her way towards his groin.

Coriolanus groaned as Y/N’s hand lightly touched his aching erection. Y/N continued to kiss his neck as she freed his erection from his pants. His cock was huge and hard, dripping with pre-cum and begging to be touched. Y/N slid off of her seat down to her knees, where she started to lick around the head of his cock while gripping the base with both her hands, working towards kneading his huge, hard balls. 

As she gripped the base of his cock, she slid his dick down her throat until her mouth hit the point where her eyes watered. Her eyes started to tear up as Coriolanus stroked her head, encouraging her to go on. Even with her mouth engulfing his cock with desperate need, there was still a good two to three inches between her mouth and the base of his cock.

Coriolanus’s groans began to sound louder as Y/N tasted the salty sweetness of his pre-cum as she adjusted to a slow and steady pace. In and out. Slowly becoming faster, harder as she sucked and bobbed her head up and down his enormous length. 

Coriolanus’s hand gripped her hair as the limo went over a bump in the road, forcing his cock to go deeper down her throat. Y/N spluttered as her chokes and gurgles filled the car’s sex driven atmosphere as her noises fluttered with his groans perfectly, creating a sex induced symphony. 

“Fuck, Y/N.” Coriolanus groaned as Y/N looked up, her eyes blurry with tears from taking him so deep, “That feels so good.” Pride rushed through Y/N as she looked up to see Coriolanus’s face etched with pleasure.

As she looked up towards him, his eyes were closed as his head tipped back with pleasure, the column of his throat exposing one of the most sexy Adam’s apple she’s ever seen. His chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, his breathing shuddering as Y/N’s head bobbed up and down his dick faster. His hands buried in her hair as her tongue swept the underside of his cock.

She increased her pace, and just as she thought he was about to come, Coriolanus pulled her hair back and lifted her onto his lap as he crushed his mouth onto hers, their tongues clashing together in a never ending battle of sexual tension broken in a dam of hot, heavy sex. 

As their mouths dominated against each other, his arousal met hers as she ground against it, desperate for more. Harsh groans echoed from the both of them, each groan vibrating down each other’s spine in a sex-induced fuel. “You’re going to be the death of me,” Coriolanus heaved as his mouth trailed a line of passionate kisses down Y/N’s neck.

He clenched his teeth on the strap of her dress and he gently pulled it down, exposing her chest as he then raised her hips so he could push her underwear to the side. Y/N didn’t have time to catch her breath as Coriolanus was inside her, filling her to the brim with only one thrust.

Y/N only had a few seconds to adjust before Coriolanus gripped her hips and slammed her down again on his cock, hard, as he drove into her like a beast in heat, slamming in and out of her, up and down. Again and again, faster and harder, until her toes curled, her knuckles white from how hard she was holding him to stay steady as the pressure built inside her and neared its breaking point.

She clung to him, her head thrown back in ecstasy as she trembled while trying to match his rhythm. Y/N bounced up and down, grinding her clit against him on every stroke.

“Just like that,” Coriolanus growled harshly as his teeth grazed across Y/N’s nipple, his breath making her shudder as it created goosebumps on her skin. “Bounce on that dick like the good girl I know you are.”

A loud moan emerged from Y/N’s throat as Coriolanus’s mouth closed on her pebbled nipple and sucked. A huge slick of wetness gushed around them as their arousal dripped everywhere, around her thighs, his leg, and onto the seat of the limo.

“You’re making such a big mess, darling.” Coriolanus groaned while looking at his wife with a lovestruck smile, tugging at her nipple with his teeth after. “Should I make you clean it up, hmm? Have you lick your own cum off the seat like a desperate little whore while I fuck you from behind?”

The fucking happening between them could only be described as rough and depraved, the two exploring each other ravenously as the tension between them exploded into a passionate cocoon of chambered sex in the limo.

His words triggered something inside her as Y/N felt her orgasm hit her a second later with a fiery velocity, making her back arch the highest it could go and her mouth to fall open with a silent scream.

Y/N was trembling from her previous orgasm as she heard her husband let out a chuckle, the sound vibrating throughout her skin as he laid little kisses across her shoulder. “Here I thought you were so prim and proper when I first met you.”

She felt too euphoric to care as his words didn’t really register in her mind when he suddenly moved her into a different position. One second, she was on his lap, and the next, she was facing the seat as he put her on all fours and tugged her hair into a makeshift ponytail and pulled her hair so that her back collided with his chest.

They shared a passionate, fiery kiss as he started thrusting into her with slow movements, pulling away until almost all of him was out before thrusting every inch of his cock into her tight, wet pussy. As she was enjoying the pleasure he was giving him, he suddenly said with a hoarse voice, “Clean up your mess, Y/N.”

She wanted to say no, she truly did but something about that moment made her want to please her husband as she started licking the seat clean while he watched her with a heated glance. “Good girl, Y/N. Such a good girl.” He groaned as she finished licking before he started fucking her again, this time more rough, hard and simply brutal as he pushed his cock in and out of her extremely wet pussy.

The only sound heard around the vehicle was the loud sound of skin slapping as the smell of sweat and sex mixed together beautifully along with her moans and his ravenous groans. As she got closer and closer to her second orgasm, he reached around and pinched her clit as he muttered, “You wanna cum, darling? Show me what a good girl you are and cum hard for me.” 

Her moans were the loudest it’s ever been since he said that as her second orgasm hit her like a tidal wave as he loudly groaned while coming inside her sweet pussy.

Both Y/N and Coriolanus calmed down as they catched her breath, their faces close together as Coriolanus turned her back towards the seat and kissed her with all his might as they revelled in their love for each other. 

“I love you.”, Y/N said as she gazed up at her husband with a dazed but content expression. Coriolanus looked down at her while heaving a huge sigh, “I love you too, sweetheart. So much, I hope you know that.” He said as he closed the gap between them as the limo arrived near the Ravinstill residence. 

[littlethingsinlife]

i'm sorry (happier part 2)

A/N: I was not expecting the amount of positive feedback for the first part and I was even more surprised to see people asking for a part 2! It was originally created to be a one-shot but a part 2 really fit well with how the first one ended. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again for all of the love and support! I hope you all enjoy. I also want to thank my friend, @tummymoth, they really helped me flush out and refine my rusty ass writing (also let me word vomit at them till midnight sometimes).

Pairing(s): Past Lo’ak x Omatikayan!Reader, Ao’nung x Omatikayan!Reader, Slight mentions of Lo’ak x Tsireya

Warnings: Lo'ak's POV, Swearing, Ao'nung saying something sus ONE time

More Info: My vision for this part 2 was to create a reply in Lo'ak's pov. So we'll have a look at what he experienced and thought process (not too sure if any of that made sense) but I was inspired by Joshua Bassett's song "i'm sorry" and it played constantly as I wrote this. Hopefully I was able to do right by my idea haha.

Summary: 7,547

Part 1: Happier

Key:

(Y/N) = Your Name 

Lyrics = Bolded Italics 

Flashbacks = Italics

Na'vi Words:

Yuey - beautiful (refers to a person) 

Skxawng - idiot/moron

Marui - Pods where the Na’vi live

Ilu - sea creature similar to dolphins

Ikran - dragon-like creature 

Tulkun - sentient creatures similar to whales

Olo’eyktan - clan leader/ chief

I thought about what I would say

But I’m two years too late

I can’t imagine how you’re doing these days, hmm

Sure, it wasn’t perfect back then

I’ll be first to admit

But it was better than being strangers again, oh

It had been a couple of months since my interactions with (Y/N) dwindled to terse smiles and barely audible greetings. If you asked me to point out the moment our friendship started to change, I couldn’t tell you. When did our bond start to break? When did it even start to crack? We used to talk every day about all the things we did and planned what pranks to pull on everyone, but now? Now, she barely looked in my direction. Now, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. 

I couldn’t remember when it started, but I knew that it was somehow my fault I grew distant once we arrived in Awa'atlu. I guess I was just so fascinated by the new environment and people, I didn’t even realize a rift started to form between us in the first place, much less that it started to grow. 

The night before we left to find a new home, I held (Y/N) as she let out sobs filled with fear and anxiety. It broke my heart, but all I could do was hold her and let her cry until she was calm enough to tell me what was on her mind. 

“I-I am afraid, what if the sky people come to find us again? I cannot lose any of you; it would break me into a million pieces,” she sobbed. 

“If they find us then we will fight and we will win,” I reassured her, gently rocking her back and forth. 

“You are an idiot, I was so close to losing you, to losing Kiri, Tuk, how do you think it would make me feel to lose the most important people in my life?” she sniffled. My chest ached at how broken she sounded, but the only thing I could do was assure her and offer her more words of comfort as I held her in my arms. 

“I promise that I will be with you throughout the journey as will my family. We love you, and even if you do not believe it, you are a Sully. And you know what my dad always says.” 

“Sullys stick together,” we chorused.

That night, I cradled her in my arms until she fell asleep. 

Fuck, I completely broke my promise to her, how could I forget? Shaking my head, I tried to reason to myself, “Maybe she just needs time alone. I’m sure she’ll come running back soon once she realizes that it's no fun without me, her best friend.” I felt a small, unfamiliar feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Right?” 

I’m drunk too late talking to the moon

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause

“Bah! Stop lying, I know you (Y/N). You would have fought alongside me and defended Kiri. You are not the same girl I knew in the forest back home,” I muttered, rolling my eyes and getting up to leave. Honestly, who did she think she was fooling? The skxawng had the balls to insult Kiri, and all she did was sit back and watch. She didn’t even make a move to help until it was to help him by pulling me off. “Talk to me when you’ve come back to your senses,” I called over my shoulder, refusing to look back. 

“Lo’ak! Bro—” a hand roughly grabbed my shoulder, jolting me out of my daze, “why’re you just staring off like that?” I whipped my head to see who the hell it was that was bothering me, only to be met with Neteyam.

“Did you have to grab me that hard?” I hissed before my initial anger gave way to a heavy feeling. “It's nothing, just—just lost in thought” I sighed, shrugging his hand off my shoulder. 

“Right, sure, nothing.” he crouched down beside me. “Don’t think you can lie to me lil bro, you’ve been spacing out more than you usually do. I didn’t even think it was possible to be more empty-headed than you already are,” he stated. 

“Wha—no I haven’t,” I tried to argue, but of course, he wasn’t convinced. 

“Can you stop arguing with me for once and just tell me what’s going on with you, you skxawng?” 

I scrunched my nose in distaste and inhaled sharply, “(Y/N) and I have been…  distant,” I admitted, turning to look at him. “She won’t even look at me. She either only answers me with one word or doesn’t answer at all.” 

He nodded, motioning for me to continue. 

“I—the last time we talked, I said things I didn’t mean. Things that just came out because I was so frustrated and… and angry. It was the heat of the moment and I—” 

“What did you say skxawng, did you hurt her?” Neteyam interrupted, face twisting to show the beginnings of distaste.

“No, no—” I sputtered and raised my hands to calm him before he could go on an hour-long lecture that I absolutely was not in the mood to hear. “At least I don’t think I did… I just wanted to ask her why the hell she was helping fish lips, that’s all—” 

“You didn’t answer me Lo’ak, what did you say to (Y/N)? I don’t care why you did it, I want to know what you said to elicit such a reaction from her.” By Eywa, if he would just give me a chance to get to the point—

“I—I told her that she was not the same girl that I knew back in the forest..." my ears lowered as the weight of what I said slowly sunk in. “And that she could talk to me once she came back to her senses,” I whispered, internally cringing at my harsh words.. 

“You fucking skxawng—” 

“Can you stop calling me that? I already know, you don’t need to keep repeating it…” I scoffed, looking out into the ocean. I’m good enough at beating myself up over the hundreds of times I’ve messed up in this lifetime, I didn’t need another disappointed set of eyes on me.

My ears twitched at the deep sigh he let out. “Look, I’m sorry that I keep calling you skxawng but that is exactly what you are for saying something so hurtful to your best friend of all people. The two of you were inseparable the moment you were born. Even if you don’t want to, suck up your dumbass pride,” my ears flattened again. It wasn’t pride, I’m not prideful. It—it was me needing (Y/N) on my side. We used to always be on the same page, and when she said I was wrong for wanting to defend Kiri against those assholes, it felt like she was siding with them instead of me, and—

Okay, so maybe it was pride.

  “Admit that you were wrong, and go talk to (Y/N),” Neteyam insisted as he put a reassuring arm around my shoulders, jostling me around to prove a point. “Your friendship is so much stronger and Eywa knows that a heat-of-the-moment argument isn’t going to break that. You should have more faith in her.” His gaze sharpened before he schooled his expression into something calmer. “Just talk to her, yeah?” 

“...Yeah,” I mumbled, swallowing down whatever argument was trying to bubble up from my throat and prying his arm off me. “You’re right. I’ll just clear things up with her and apologize. Everything will go back to normal after that, thanks bro—for listening,” I agreed. 

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say They haunt me, oh

And I know that I’m to blame 

So, go ahead and 

Blame it on me, oh

Our lessons on the ways of the Metkayina were finished, so it was rare for the entire group to be in the same place. But every once in a while, we all finished our chores at the same time and found ourselves near the shore where we first learned to ride the ilu, and sat around a fire hours before eclipse, laughing and exchanging stories. 

The rarity of these moments made me cherish them that much more, but two people continued to miss our not-so-scheduled gatherings the past two moon cycles. How was it possible that they were the only two to keep missing our hangouts? Were they together? Fish lips had better not be doing anything to (Y/N) or so hel—

“(Y/N)! Ao’nung! You guys made it!” Rotxo laughed. 

“Yeah, yeah, quit shouting will you?” Ao’nung shot back as he sat down next to Rotxo, (Y/N) smiling softly as she followed. 

“So, what’ve you guys been up to? We haven’t seen you in what feels like ten moon cycles.” Neteyam questioned.

“Teyam, you saw me earlier today, you literally helped me feed our ikran,” (Y/N) joked. ‘Teyam? When did she start calling him by anything other than his given name?

Ao’nung swatted her side with his stupidly wide tail and swung an arm around her shoulder with a remarkably punchable smile on his face “More like he was trying to make sure you didn’t accidentally give them your fingers for breakfast. They would’ve gotten indigestion.”

“Haha very funny Ao’nung,” she drawled, “I would’ve fed you to Tekay instead, but she would’ve gagged the moment she caught a whiff of you,” she scoffed as she quickly pushed him away by the chest.

“Wait… Do they even have a gag reflex?” Fish lips didn’t budge, he just had a dumb look of confusion on his face.

“No, but they would defy the laws of biology to gag just for you,” she quipped, sticking out her tongue and moving to push him away again, but the skxawng had the nerve to pull her into a headlock. 

“Oh, yuey, the ikran won’t be the only ones gagging on me tonight,” he argued with a smirk. 

Did I want to punch that smirk off his face? Did I want to gag? Both? Before I could make a decision, (Y/N) grimaced, pushing him away again and smacking him upside the head. 

“That’s actually repulsive. You’re disgusting.”

“Dude, keep it in your pants, her family is right there,” Rotxo laughed, doubled over as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Yeah, we’re right here,” I interjected with a smile—wanting to join in on the jokes that were being thrown around—but it was hard to keep my face from falling when I saw (Y/N)’s bright expression falter. 

“Anyway, what were you guys talking about before Ao’nung and I arrived?” she asked in a too-bright tone of voice she only used when she desperately wanted to change the subject. As if everyone came to an unspoken agreement to forget about the conversation before, one by one they all started talking about who they thought would win in a fight—Toruk Makto, or our Olo’eyktan, Tonowari. 

The sound of laughter and excited chatter faded as I replayed the previous conversation in my head. When did they start joking around like that? Why the hell did fish lips call her yuey like it was the most natural thing in the world? How come she smiled so easily with him but faltered when she sees me? She was probably smiling with him right now—

I looked over at her, a pit in my stomach already forming at the idea of her smiling at him, but she looked so distant, so withdrawn from everything around her. Before I could even blink, she put a delicate hand on Ao’nung’s arm to grab his attention and mumbled something in a hushed tone. After a few beats of silent conversation, Ao’nung nodded and gave her a look of understanding. 

Why did he look at her like that? How much time did they spend together to be able to understand each other with just a look? How much time have I wasted breaking my promise to her while she grew closer to someone else? 

 Standing up, I made up my mind that I would talk to her and clear up any miscommunication. There was no way in hell I was about to let fish lips ruin our childhood friendship. Before I could even get close, Neteyam pulled me aside. 

“Bro, why’re you glaring at everyone?” he asked with concern written all over his face.

“Glaring?” I tilted my head in confusion. “I’m not glaring, this is just my face.” 

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I’m your brother, I know your face. Whatever look you’ve been throwing at Ao’nung and (Y/N)? You may as well have been throwing knives at them.”

Behind Neteyam, I could see (Y/N) get up to bid everyone good night and slowly walk in our direction. This was my chance, I just needed this overbearing idiot to leave me alone. 

“Whatever look you think I’m giving to them, you’re wrong,” I denied. “Can you not act like this right now?” My tail flicked side to side impatiently, an obvious twinge of annoyance clear in my tone. I licked my lips nervously as I could hear footsteps coming closer. Leaning slightly to the side, I looked behind Neteyam to see (Y/N) and—

Ao’nung? What? Why is he there? 

“Good night,” (Y/N) muttered, not sparing us a glance as she walked past. I followed her every move and—as if everything slowed down—my eyes narrowed as they found Ao’nung’s hand placed on her lower back, leading her gently in the direction of the marui. 

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

Though it's far too late

“I did it! Did you see that Reya?” I shouted—out of breath—as I showed off the shell Tsireya threw. 

“Yes, yes you did it!” She exclaimed, excitedly wrapping her hand around mine. For someone who spent so much time underwater, her hand radiated so much warmth. So easy to hold. My heart swelled with pride as she continued to compliment me. “You’ve improved so much!”

“Yeah? Well, I had a great teacher,” I joked, nudging her softly with my shoulder. It wasn’t just her hands that were warm either, she just seemed to radiate it.

“Oh stop, you flatter me too much,” she denied, fidgeting with her hair. Was that a blush on her face? “C’mon, why don’t we catch up with the others? Private lessons are officially done for the day,” she announced as she led me to shore. Oh Eywa, she looked so pretty like this, with her hair flowing down her back and the way her eyes cast down when she became flustered. And her smile, it was a smile that could knock the air out of my lungs.

While we walked onto shore, we joked around and laughed with each other, talking about anything and everything. The ease of each reply and joke came as smoothly as gliding through the water on an ilu—as easy as breathing. Laughing at another one of Tsireya’s jokes, my eyes scanned the village as we approached it. Families were winding down for the day as they cooked dinner, although I didn’t see mine anywhere nearby aside from Kiri. 

My smile slowly dropped when I was able to make out Kiri looking frantically around as if she was searching for someone. Tsireya and I made our way to her, worry filling the pit in my stomach. As we got closer, I could see Ao’nung climb down one of the roots of the Mangrove trees and make a beeline toward her. My eyes stayed on both of them, making sure that fish lips didn’t do anything to Kiri. 

Ears twitching I was able to make out the words, “(Y/N)? Did you find her? ” from Kiri as they were carried on the wind toward us.

“Yeah I did, I was able to get her to eat, but she’s not looking too good,” Ao’nung replied with concern lacing his voice.

Brows furrowing, I pulled Ao’nung by the shoulder. “What do you mean she’s not looking good? Where is she? What did you do?” 

“What the hell do you mean? I didn’t do shit, freak.” I rolled my eyes at the insult. He couldn’t use that thick head of his to think of anything else to call me? From the pained look on his face, I could tell that my grip on his shoulder had too much pressure. Good. Served him right.

Before Ao’nung and I could continue our argument Kiri groaned, “Will the both of you skxawng shut up! I’ll go talk to her.” My eyes followed her retreating form as she went to talk to (Y/N)—tail lashing back and forth in agitation all the while—before turning back to Ao’nung.

Who the hell did he think he was? I’d beat his skxawng ass if he hurt (Y/N) in any way. He had no right to look so damn worried. They weren’t even close. What even happened? How long had she been missing for Kiri to go to fish lips of all people for help? Should I follow Kiri? Why didn’t (Y/N) come to me? She always came to me, and if she came to me now, I absolutely would have listened. Why—

“Lo’ak? Hey, are you okay? Lo’ak?” a hand softly placed itself on my arm. Closing my eyes in frustration, I sighed. 

“Yeah, perfectly fine.” 

Damn it, was that when it started? How idiotic and blind have I been that I didn’t even notice that her trust in me started to slip and die when it was right in front of me? Why didn’t I go to her and make sure she was okay? I should’ve punched that idiot’s lights out—

“Ao’nung! Stop pulling me you skxawng, you’re walking too fast, slow down!” a hushed voice chastised. 

“C’mon yuey, we only have about an hour before eclipse, we have to hurry!” His voice grated against my ears as he responded. 

“That’s plenty of time!” (Y/N) insisted. I could hear the laughter bubbling up in her voice as she chased after him. “Please Ao’nung slow down, I can’t keep up.” 

“It can’t be helped, you’re so short—” a whack could be heard. “Ow!”

“I’m as tall as Tsireya, you giant!” 

“Both you and my sister are short—Ow! Alright, just because you did that, you leave me no choice,” Ao’nung said, throwing (Y/N) over his shoulder with a laugh. 

The bickering voices got closer, and my eyes narrowed at the way he held her. My breath hitched as he whispered something in her ear that made her ears perk up and her eyes widen. What the hell was he saying to her? Before I could spring up from my spot, Ao’nung tossed (Y/N) in the water, her yelp quickly interrupted by the sound of her body hitting the water. 

I stayed in my spot as shock zipped through my body. Letting out a breath I didn’t know I held, her head popped out of the water, a playful glare on her face. 

“I told you, you left me no choice,” he stated, guffawing at her expression.

“Oh yeah?” she groused, spitting out seawater as she wrung out her hair. “Well fuck you too. Help me out of here?” 

“Only if you say the magic word,” he taunted, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Otherwise, I’m afraid my hands are tied.”

“Please, oh great son of our Olo’eyktan, help me out of the ocean,” she beckoned dramatically, sarcasm dripping from every word while she rolled her eyes. “It’s about time you recognized my proud lineage, forest dweller,”  he said as his chest puffed out with a hand reaching towards (Y/N). And there was that stupid smile on his face.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, a mischievous smile spreading across her face as she reached for his hand, making sure to tug with enough force to unceremoniously yank him into the water. 

“So much for the son of a great warrior! Your instincts are shit!”

“My instincts are dull you say?” he questioned as his head popped up next to her. “We’ll see about that!” 

“Wha—AHHH—'' she wheezed. “No, please Ao’nung stop! That tickles!” Her arms flailed wildly in an attempt to free herself from his grasp. 

What the fuck.

  My ears flattened at an angle as I tried to process the scene unfolding before me. When did she start laughing with him? That should’ve been me she was laughing with. Not him, not the skxawng who had been nothing but rude to us since we arrived. What… what was I even saying—Fuck I didn’t know anymore. Why did I feel like this every time I saw them together… laughing and making jokes like we used to?

And it was me, it wasn’t you

It’s cliche, but it’s true 

I wasn’t thinking how I usually do, oh

And is your momma doing well? 

Or does she still hate me? 

But it was hard to watch me put you through hell 

I’m drunk, too late, talking to the moon, ooh

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause 

Two weeks had passed since I started noticing the changes in (Y/N)’s relationship—friendship?—with Ao’nung. It was like every time I blinked, I could see her laughing loudly as Ao’nung tickled her with a triumphant smile on his stupid face. Since that day, I had been trying to find a way to talk to (Y/N), but she was never alone. She was always with him and when she wasn’t, she disappeared and I couldn’t find her no matter how hard I looked. 

Now here I was, wandering around trying to look for her as I rehearsed what I wanted to tell her. 

Where could she be? Dinner was in an hour and she wasn’t anywhere near our marui. I had to find her soon so there would be enough time for us to talk. I had to tell her that I miss her, that I was sorry for being so dumb, that I shouldn’t have let my pride blind me, and that I didn’t mean any of the things I said. 

There was only one place I hadn’t looked yet… hopefully she was there. 

As I was getting closer to the root Kiri stalked to, I could see two silhouettes beside each other. An all-too-familiar feeling bloomed in my chest once I registered that she was there with him. 

Her melodic laughter made my steps falter. I clenched my fists tightly, contemplating if I should go over there and pull her away, force her to talk to me, to listen. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do that to her, not when she looked so content, so happy. 

Ever since that day 

The things I didn’t say 

They haunt me, oh

I know that I’m to blame 

So, go ahead and 

Blame it on me, oh

“Lo’ak? You said you were going to look for (Y/N) and never came back. She’s already in the marui helping mom cook,” Kiri stated, a twinge of annoyance lacing her voice. “Hey, are you listening?” She shook my arm slightly, making me jump out of my stupor. 

“Yeah, sorry, you said dinner was ready?” I asked as I stared off. 

The sand beside me crunched softly as Kiri made a move to sit beside me. “No, I said that (Y/N) is with mom helping her cook. Where is your head at?” she asked as she tilted her head to try and meet my gaze. “Are you alright?” The annoyance in her voice shifted to concern. 

“I’m fine, yep—just… fine,” I brushed her off, hoisting myself up to head towards Mom and Dad for dinner before Kiri yanked me back down. 

“Lo’ak, don’t pretend you’re okay when you’re not. Tell me what’s going on,” she urged. “Maybe I can help you with whatever it is that’s occupied your mind lately.”

I inhaled sharply, debating if I should tell her what had been muddying my mind, the reason why I had been so spaced out, why I had been glaring daggers at fish lips each time I saw his stupid face next to (Y/N)—how confused I was. 

“Stop with the thinking skxawng, you might hurt yourself,” she admonished. “Just tell me. It’s not like I can’t handle it.” 

Huffing, I rolled my eyes and turned away from her to look at the sea. I hadn't even said anything yet and Kiri was already making me feel idiotic. How was I supposed to tell her what's been going on like this? Maybe if I kept quiet for long enough, she would get tired of waiting for me to start talking and go on to eat dinner without me. 

A couple of minutes of silence passed. 

I could still feel her staring at me.

“I’ve—I’ve been conflicted,” I started, tongue feeling heavy in my mouth as I continued to stare at the shoreline. “I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“What do you mean?” Kiri nudged my shoulder with hers. “Elaborate a little more, I can’t help if you don’t tell me the reason why you’re feeling confused.” 

“...Whenever I see (Y/N) with Ao’nung, it’s as if I can feel my heart aching,” I said, motioning toward my chest to prove my point. “There’s always a… a surge of anger that rushes through me. All I want to do is pull her away from him so then everything can go back to the way things used to be—for us to be okay.”

“Lo’ak…” If I was looking at her, I’d probably see Kiri tilt her head with sympathy. But sympathy isn’t what I needed right now.

“I want her to look at me and smile, to laugh with me, hug me—but now, whenever I get close to her, she’s next to him, laughing with him, cracking the jokes we would make to each other… I just—” I rubbed at my face in frustration. It wasn’t as if the words were hard to come by—I had spent so much time bottling them up that it was hard to stop talking. No, I just hated the fact that I felt this way in the first place. “I don’t understand why seeing them makes me feel like my heart is about to explode—why it makes me want to scream. It hurts.” 

“Lo’ak” she put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you—are you in love with (Y/N)?”

Love?

I sputtered in surprise and whipped my head toward Kiri to see if she was joking or not. What kind of a sick question was that? I wasn’t in the mood for any games. 

“What? No, she’s like my… sister?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “If you’re not, then why does seeing her with Ao’nung hurt you so much? Why do you care as much as you do?” 

“I shouldn’t!” I wrenched my shoulder away from her hand and stood up. The need to move around and do something—anything—was too much. There was too much energy thrumming right beneath my skin to sit still anymore. 

“That’s the problem! After everything I said to her, done to her? I don’t have the right to say I’m in love with her. She’s my childhood friend, Kiri. That’s all our relationship has ever been… I just—” I paused in thought and tried to calm down. “I didn’t realize seeing her have so much fun with someone else would make me feel so, so hollow—” 

“Let me ask you something, you have to promise to be completely honest with me, okay?”

I nodded, not even looking in her direction. 

“When (Y/N) tried to pull you off from Ao’nung that one fight months ago, what did you feel? Angry? Betrayed? Jealous?”

Jealous? Did she really think I was sulking for months because of such a petty feeling? I’m not a jealous person. I never have been. 

“Seeing her jump in to get me off him made me feel like she was siding with him and telling me that I was wrong. Her actions were clear as day to me, Kiri.” I started to pace around. “She was protecting him—caring for him when she should’ve been next to me, helping and supporting me. When she did that—I felt like the only person that’s ever been on my side—” I croaked and turned my head to look at Kiri as tears stung my eyes “The only person who didn’t see everything I did as some sort of disappointment or failure, abandoned me and chose someone else.”

“...”

“I know that I could’ve approached her a different way but how could I when I felt so broken?” I inhaled sharply, eyebrows furrowed. “ It’s all fish lips’ fault. If he wasn’t such an asshole, none of this would have happened, and (Y/N) and I would still be the same, she would still be by my side—supporting me, loving me.” 

“Why do you keep blaming it on Ao’nung?”

“Because it is his fault that things have turned out the way it has.” I threw my hands up, exasperated. What wasn’t Kiri getting? “He’s getting in between my relationship—er—friendship with (Y/N)! If he wasn’t there I would be able to talk to her and tell her I’m sorry, but she’s always with him—”

“Stop! Are you hearing yourself?” She nudged at my foot to interrupt and scoffed. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? (Y/N) told me what you said to her, how ‘she wasn’t the same girl’ you knew back in the forest. Do you know what happened when you told her that? Do you know how much pain she was in?”

Pain? I snorted, turning towards Kiri. “Now I know what you’re saying is bullshit. You know how (Y/N) is—if she really was pissed at me she would’ve come to me instead of running to someone else.”

“She wasn’t pissed. She cried because of you, Lo’ak. Because of what you said.” I stopped dead in my tracks to look at her. Kiri's eyes didn’t waver. Another heavy feeling settled on my chest and clawed its way up my throat. If you had asked me what it was, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. Was I sad? Guilty? Angry? Was I jealous like she said?

I settled on anger.

“If you’re saying what I think you’re saying—”

“The person that found her that night, the one who comforted her? That was Ao’nung. He held her in his arms as she sobbed when I found them.” She stood up too, forcing me to stop pacing. 

“The last thing I want to hear about right now is him, Kiri. What the fuck—”

“Did you ever think about why she’s so comfortable with him now? Why they’re so close? While you ignored her for weeks, he made sure she was okay—made sure she ate every day. He didn’t leave her side until she finished,” Kiri pointed out, and before I could even think to open my mouth to remind her how shitty he was to her especially, she cut me off. “Yes, he was an asshole at the beginning, and yes he has a screwed-up way to show he cares, but he stepped up when you fucked up.” She poked my chest with a glare before she continued. 

“Oh, so I’m a fuck-up now?” I asked wryly. 

“You can’t put all the blame on someone that took care of your best friend. Stop being so blinded by your pride and hatred and see that you’re the real reason why your relationship with (Y/N) isn’t the same as it used to be.” 

My heart sank a little more as I scrambled for something to say. “How could you say that—”

“No, you do not get to interrupt me right now, Lo’ak.” Her eyes flashed with something closer to anger than annoyance. When was the last time I saw her angry? “Listen and listen well. When we couldn’t find (Y/N) and we were looking for her everywhere—he was the one that found her spot, the one she isolated herself to so she could cry alone, and no one would see how much pain she was in. And what were you doing in the meantime?” 

My ears flattened at her rising tone, and I was finally beginning to understand the weight stuck in my throat and chest. Not anger, not even jealousy.

“You were out there with Tsireya, stuck in your own little world.”

It was my fault.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy that you found her but you can’t have both of them. You can’t be that selfish. From (Y/N)’s perspective, you’ve already chosen the one you want.”

“It’s not like I’ve actually chosen anyone yet,” I tried to interject, but all the fight had left my voice as Kiri’s words dug into my skin and sunk in.

“Don’t you dare play with either of their feelings. (Y/N) held so much love for you in her heart, she allowed herself to break to the point of no repair because she didn’t want to show you how much it hurt her to see you at your happiest with Tsireya.” She paused before continuing, her voice losing its edge. “Let her move on, brother. And if it’s Ao’nung that makes her light up the way she used to, then you suck it up and let him. He was there when your pride wouldn’t even let you apologize or even look in her direction. Actually think about how she feels for once.” 

I hated the fact that there wasn’t anything I could say to prove her wrong. 

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about nowadays,” I muttered.

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry, hmm

I’m sorry 

Though it’s far too late 

“I thought I was already doing that,” a faint voice huffed in annoyance. Turning the corner, I saw Ao’nung and (Y/N) standing on the beach together— far too close for my liking. 

“You were, but you got sloppy. Here, you have to move your hips like this,” he said as he corrected her posture. My ears flattened against my head as he put a hand on her hip and gently directed her movement.

Why did he look so gentle with her?

“Ao’nung,” (Y/N)’s voice rang out, clear as crystal despite her uncertain tone. “Are you sure you should be teaching me this? This is a traditional Metkayina dance, right? I’m…” she hesitated, her voice becoming smaller. “I’m not Metkayina—” 

“Yet.” He interrupted, holding her face in his hands. “You are not Metkayina yet. Once you become one of us, you will have to learn the dance to celebrate the return of our spirit brothers and sisters, so why not learn that now?” I hated how reassuring his voice was. The thought of how either of their eyes looked as they held contact made my stomach turn.

“Yeah… you’re right,” she mumbled with an unsure look on her face.

“Woah, hey pretty girl, look at me,” he insisted, laying his hands on her shoulders and bending his neck so they were at eye level. “I’m serious when I say you will become Metkayina one day, so don’t worry yourself over it right now. Okay?” Ao’nung tilted his head to the side, an unbelievably soft expression on his face. “You have me here to help you.”

“Alright…” (Y/N) mumbled, not convinced. 

“If you don’t get rid of that look on your face I’ll throw you into the water,” he said as his face shifted from sincerity to something mischievous. “Or worse… I’ll tickle you,” he threatened.

“You better not Ao’nung, or I swear to the Great Mother herself I will hu—AHH—get away, you skxawng!'' She laughed as she tried to run away, but Ao’nung grabbed hold of her waist and pulled her into his arms. And despite her words of protest, it was clear as day that she was leaning into him while they scuffled on the sand. 

“No!” she shrieked with glee. “You can’t make me go in there again!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that, forest dweller!”

A thought occurred. Should I go up to them? We never got the chance to talk, after all. I took a few steps in their direction before freezing. When was the last time I heard her laugh like that? She had the biggest smile on her face, and the one who made that happen wasn’t me—it was him. 

And if you ever hear this 

I hope you know that 

I’m not proud of who I’ve been, ooh

And if I see you again

I hope you know that 

I wish you nothing but the best

And my biggest regret

The afternoon was quiet, relative silence only interrupted by the crashing of waves. Without much to do, I just sat in our marui and lazed around with Tuk until a horn blew. 

“The tulkun have returned! Everybody—our brothers and sisters have returned!” Tsireya’s voice rang out, and when I poked my head out to see what the fuss was about, I saw the megawatt smile on her face, as she swam by on her ilu. 

The village came to life as everyone mounted either ilu or canoe to make their way to the tulkun. From here, I could see little more than a large group of dark shapes making their way through the water. Payakan himself was dauntingly huge, but to see a whole pod of them show up like this? It was spectacular. I watched the commotion unfold from one of the walkways, lost in thought before I felt water splashing at my feet. 

“Come on Lo’ak! Don’t just stand there, let’s go see the tulkun together!” Tsireya urged, still smiling. Shaken out of my stupor, I grinned widely—diving into the water and clambering onto her ilu. lu may be lithe animals, but I could still feel sinuous muscle under velvety skin as it made adjustments in the water to keep balance. 

“I’ll come, but only if you’re offering a ride,” I joked, gently holding her waist and playfully leaning onto her. The cool water around us made her skin feel that much warmer. It was nice. 

Before I could see her reaction—I would’ve bet anything at that moment that her cheeks had become flushed—we began to quickly make our way toward the rest of the clan and the giant tulkun. 

The air around me vibrated with the excitement and happiness of loved ones returning, and Tsireya was no exception—the speed of the ilu gave away her eagerness to be with her spirit sister. As we leaped into and out of the water, Tsireya’s laughter was carried by the wind and reached my ears. That, and the answering whoops and bellows of Metkayina and tulkun alike, was almost contagious enough to get carried away by the energy surrounding us. 

“My spirit sister is down there,” she said as she dismounted, sliding off her ilu and into the water. “Wait here, yeah?” she smiled at me before diving down.  

I was more than happy to watch the Na’vi around me. Looking around, I was in awe of the sheer amount of tulkun gathered in one area, and how each Metkayina was able to identify their spirit sisters or brothers so easily. Looking down into the shifting waters, I saw Tsireya catching up with her spirit sister, waving her hands around and swimming through the water alongside her.

All around, I could hear people telling stories and the deep, booming calls of the tulkun as they responded with tales of their own. New parents were showing their babies and calves, and as my eyes scanned the horizon, I could see small children holding onto the tulkun’s fins as they were lifted to the glittering ocean surface.  

Not too far away, I heard the sound of a body hitting the water and the sound of grating, but familiar laughter along with an indignant (Y/N) sputtering. 

“Ao’nung, what the fu—” 

“Hey, hey, relax! It’s just some water. There are children here, yuey,” Ao’nung chided with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“The parents of those children are going to have to explain what it means to return to Eywa once I’m through with you,” she retorted, treading water and becoming even more unamused when he raised his hands in mock surrender. 

“Woah there pretty girl, you’re talking to the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora—”

“That’s funny, I don’t see Neteyam here,” she interjected, pretending to search the waters around them before turning back to Ao’nung and tilting her head, “do you?”

“Just because you said that you can have fun finding your own way back to shore,” he said as he turned his ilu around.

“Oh, c’mon Ao’nung, don’t be like that,” she rolled her eyes and reached a hand towards him. “You’d really leave me here to fend for myself?”

He turned and wagged a disapproving finger at her, “I’ll consider forgiving you if you say word-for-word that I’m the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora. I can’t have you slandering my father’s name, yuey.” She groaned and leaned back into the water. 

“You couldn’t pay me enough to say that load of bull—”

“Nope!” he didn’t give her a chance to defile the ears of any nearby children and crossed his arms. “I wanna hear you say it.”

“...”

“I’m still waiting.”

With a sardonic smile, she finally caved. “Why don’t I do you one better? You’re the mightiest warrior to exist since the time of the First Songs,” she declared, sarcasm dripping from every word as she slapped at the water for emphasis. 

“That’s what I thought, was that so hard?” Even if I wasn’t able to see them, I still would have been able to hear the stupidly wide smile that made its way across his face.

“Don’t be such a big baby and let me meet your spirit brother!” 

“Just because he’s here to visit today, I’ll let that one slide for now.” Ao’nung rolled his eyes, dismounting his ilu to join (Y/N). “Now hold on tight and hold your breath like how we practiced.”

We? Who the fuck was we? Why was he allowing her to meet his spirit brother? Why were they looking at each other like that?

I watched both of their silhouettes submerge and breathed deeply, forcing my thundering heart to calm as I slowly sank my head into the water. At first, all I could see were blobs floating around in the water, but once my eyes adjusted, I could see the fluid movement of Ao’nung talking to his spirit brother. Eyebrows furrowing, I swam a little closer and hoped that I would be able to see what was being signed. With each movement made, it was clear that Ao’nung was translating the clicks and bellows of the tulkun to (Y/N), and whatever was being said made her smile widen by the second. 

I couldn’t watch anymore as my chest burned from the lack of air and I resurfaced to catch my breath. For once, I was thankful for the lack of lung capacity I had. I climbed back onto Tsireya’s ilu. Seeing as she wasn’t back yet, I sat back and leaned on its neck to face the sky.

Did she always glow like that when she smiled? Whenever she was with him—she always looked so happy, so vibrant. Would she have looked like that with me by her side if I didn’t push her away? If I was there for her like I had promised? I wanted to tell her sorry—that I was sorry for taking our friendship for granted, for making her go through it alone. I wish that it didn’t take seeing her smile and laugh with someone else to make me realize how I felt.

I willed my tears to go away. 

Is this how she felt? Seeing me with Tsireya? Great Mother… I was truly horrible, wasn’t I? I wished things turned out differently. Maybe in another universe, I did talk to her—realized sooner, made her happier—but now? Right now, my heart was torn in two, watching as someone else picked up the pieces of the heart I crushed. No amount of words could fix what we used to have, and even though I wanted to whisk her away, tell her I love her—that I see her—that seeing her with him made my skin crawl, I knew I couldn’t. I was no longer worthy to be part of her life, because of me and my actions alone. 

I had become nothing but a stranger. 

Ever since that day 

The things I didn’t say 

They haunt me

I know that I’m to blame

So go ahead and 

Blame it on me, ooh

I know that I’m too late 

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

I’m sorry 

Hmm, I’m sorry 

Oh-oh-oh-oh, I’m sorry

Taglist: @midnightliacr @immortalbloodhuntress @arminsfloll @whenercolorfulrainbowlol @dakotali @lexilander27 @zatarias-pandora @vanillawhale @kazupop @owaowaowawa @sopiasleeps @siabhshjsjsjsjshznzn @jimfiqs @ihave500hubbiez

[dejavalentine]

should this be how i introduce my @infamous-if mc no am i gonna do it anyway yeah. so hyped for the update!! can't wait to be tortured by my own voluntary choices!!!

Innes Von Yang— ‘Ivy’ or ‘IV’

she/they (nonbinary)

Vampire aesthetic. She also has a lollipop gimmick, as in, she'll go out on stage with one. She's starting bringing unopened ones onto stage to throw into the crowd since it became a thing, but it actually started because she ran onto stage one time with one and some fans thought it looked cool so she kept doing it.

Appearance wise, she has choppy dyed hair with white red and black in the mix. East asian girl with beige skin, but she does full face makeup on stage based around goth and vkei. Might do an outfit collage another time…

Goes by Ivy because it’s her initials (her parents thought von was a middle name and didn’t realize it’s meant to be part of the last name)

Her stage name though is IV, as in the hospital equipment, but cause it’s also the roman numerals for four, her lucky number. She started using it to match with Seven, and he has this as his tattoo because it’s always been ‘her number’ even before it was her stage name. She still has her tattoo as well, and doesn't bother to conceal it.

"Sev!" and "Ive!"

Similarly to how Seven doesn't like Duckstein, Ivy hates her first name and any variations of it, treating Ivy as her name. "Don't call me Nezzie!!" (unless it was high school and you were Seven getting back at them for calling you 'Ducky')

Needs glasses but wears contacts! They worked hard on that eye makeup goddammit!! They just wore glasses back in high school though.

Has a Soundcloud they’ve been using since middle school. They started posting solo songs there which are usually indie pop or some other experimental sound different from the band.

She used to play the violin, but stopped when she got older and focused more on being a vocalist and dance. Ironically? Not that good with plants.

Girl the first meeting between them and August was so funny. “August, meet IV, the one I was telling you about." “You can just call me Ivy. It's nice to meet you." “Isn’t that the same thing…?” “Nah. Ivy— I-V-Y is based off my initials. IV— I and V, is the Roman numeral four.” “…For?” “Yeah, four!” “No for what?” “What do you mean, four what? Four just…means four.”

Deadly arachnophobia. She screamed her fucking lungs out on the bus when they thought they saw one and climbed onto Rowan while shrieking at him to kill it (it was some thread).

They became way more bitter and cynical over time, but out of spite (towards their parents, the world, Seven—) remain stubbornly ambitious and laugh in the face of whatever tries to take her down. It’s just easier and less embarrassing to be volatile than wistful or a doormat. It's for the sake of pride, really.

Closeted Soft Violence fan. You will have to threaten to kill her (or catch her deeply off guard) before she even thinks of admitting this.

She projects anger and spite in front of Seven because she can't help herself. When it comes to being vulnerable, she would always stamp it down or try to cover it up. Inwardly, she’s just really sad and wanting for what’s not really there anymore and never will be. You’re in his dms I’m disgusted by the enormity of my desire!!! We are NOT the same!!!

This is similar to how she acts around her parents. She still really wants to have a relationship with them but feels she's the one who has consistently had to try to have that, which makes her bitter and embarrassed as an adult. They make her feel like a meek little kid again and this time she doesn't even have Seven to fall back on when that happens-- which makes the feeling worse. AUGHH!!!

She’s really only chasing fame because that has to be what makes all of this hurt and effort worth it. Otherwise, genuinely, what was it all for? To share their music? Don't fuck with them like that. It stopped being about 'their' music when Seven left. They're a damn good band, Ivy loves her friends, and she has fun-- but it's just not the same goal without him around anymore.

Used to hate confrontation, but now dives into drama for the hell of it (even if she won’t start it herself necessarily). Generally hates being underestimated or pitied, and doesn’t like getting help because they’re not a ‘charity case.’ Has become kind of trashy and plays comic relief with Rowan alot. Speaking of him...

Her ship name with Rowan was originally ‘IRow’ (Ivy’s a shameless atla fan) but was quickly overtaken by ‘Bloody Hart.’ They’re not into each other but they did kiss while drunk once (which for them kinda solidified the fact they aren't into each other). Fans also coined ‘Snivy’ for her and Seven, though the two never dated.

Is rooting for Piercehart. She has the edits that have started rolling in saved on her camera roll already. They've also been victims of the shipping culture though #AutumnIvy (a typo that just...stuck? August isn't even a fall month!)

Started believing in the idea of fate after Seven left the band. If it brought them together once it can do it again (she refuses to think about it or accept this being the real reason why yet and just chalks it up as her committing to the bit.)

Worst Demeanor: Tweeted ‘Taylor Swift is mid’ then put their phone on dnd for the next two days. She still has it pinned to her profile.

Pinch Me— cause I must be dreaming!

Genre: Alternative Rock, dipping occasionally into Pop Rock

Fandom: Idealists

First album: Burn the Candle

Hit song: At Both Ends

GC: pretenders

xoxo to anyone who got this far have these two drabbles. first one was inspired by the very normal line of thought ‘man what if mc died before they could make up with seven’ (+haha they swapped how they feel about fate) and the second from the fact that sev canonically thought abt mc during their dates like DUDE !!!

[hyperfixationstati0n]

hiii i love your works! can i request spencer x bau!reader who drags spencer to the eras tour but they get called into a case and show up to work in like crazy outfits and get teased by the team??

i LOVED writing this request. The picture above is what i envisioned when describing the outfits :) (also to whoever requested this thank you so much i love love love you!! if you have any requests send them my way!!!!!)

Pairing: Spencer x Bau!kinda femme!reader

Content warnings: None really :)

Word count: 667

Tonight was the night! You were buzzing in your seat, staring up at the stage. Your incredible boyfriend had not only gotten you tickets to the Eras tour, but also managed to get floor seats. You were holding his hand, feeling as though at any moment you would explode from sheer excitement. You look down at your outfit, a jeweled corset top and a black sequin pencil skirt. You actually find yourself at a similar height to him in your black thigh-high boots. Spencer was in an outfit you had personally orchestrated for him-a pastel pink and blue shirt (in honor of his favorite album, Lover), jeans, and his usual converse. You did also convince him to have a matching, very sparkly, 13 on his hand. Just then, the stage lights up. You both jump up in your seats. Over the years you had been dating, you managed to turn him into a certified Swiftie. 

Normally, you were pretty shy. Outside of talking to victims or families on cases, you weren’t very social and tended to stay pretty quiet. But at that moment, you didn’t care how ridiculous you looked. You were seeing your all time favorite artist, with the man you loved, surrounded by thousands of other people who were just like you. You sang your heart out, even getting Spencer to dance with you during a few of the songs. It all came to a crash during ‘Style’-which really should have been a magical moment, considering it was both you and Spencer's favorite song. You have your phone out, recording the song, screaming your heart out-when you see it. A message from Hotch. Telling you that you have a case, and to get to the office immediately. Your heart drops, as well as your phone. You bend down to pick it up as Spencer registers what this really means. You look at him, completely heartbroken. He pulls you into a hug and kisses the top of your head.

“I’m so sorry” He says, having to yell over the sound of hearing your favorite song-your song-live.

You nod and try to find a way out of the crowd.

“They fucking owe me.” You tell back, grabbing his hand and making your way out of the stadium, out of what was shaping to be the best night of your life, and out to your car.

It’s not until you actually make it into the briefing room that you realize that you both look absolutely ridiculous. Not only because of your outfits-but you were both decently dissheveled from fighting your way out of the crowd. You both stand there like a deer in headlights as the whole team turns their heads. Morgan is the first one to start laughing, both you and Spencer sheepishly taking your seats. Penelope registers why you’re wearing what you’re wearing first, and her heart seems to break for you.

“Nice shirt Reid.” JJ says with a chuckle.

“Oh my goodness…you guys were at the Eras Tour?!” She exclaims, her arms dropping. 

You both nod, as the information sinks in, everyone now less confused about what you were wearing.

Everyone seems very amused, but you were still pissed at the fact that you were plucked out of the concert a little before halfway through. You stare down Hotch, even he was smiling.

“You owe me. I didn’t even get to hear ‘Shake It Off’” You say, trying to seem annoyed, but truthfully you couldn’t keep a straight face with everyone laughing. The situation was too ridiculous, even Spencer couldn’t contain his laughter, as embarrassed as he was.

“If we wrap up this case quick enough, I’ll try to replace your tickets.” Rossi says, chuckling. “I’ll have you ‘Shaking it off’ in no time.”

You all burst into laughter before Hotch speaks over the room.

“Let’s get to work everyone-and you two, change before we leave.” You both gave him a thumbs up, leaning back in your seat to be briefed on the latest case. 

[artmunstudios]

Your springs are reacting. You feel...embarassed.

I don't have the time to draw this out in a complete comic like I'd like to, so enjoy the drabble below in its stead! I was inspired from this scene from Hellboy. Also...a mild excuse just to write these two idiots at their peak dynamic. (to sum up: Pinocchio, a good influence on P? Questionable. A good brother from another reality? Perhaps. The Lampwick they are discussing is not the canon one, but @/wildartsstuff’s)

"Alright, let's see it," Pinocchio waved a hand out as he stepped into the room. "It is nothing," Pino had insisted yet again. His springs reacted to the lie, he thinks, but he was too distracted by the approaching puppet. “It is just a record.” “Nothing, huh?” Pinocchio pressed. “Yes. I enjoy listening to them?” “Yeah—and you always listen to them downstairs in the lobby, not in one of the furthest rooms away from where everyone else sleeps. You don’t even have Gemini on your belt.” “He is resting.” “Right.”

A long silence passed between them.

Wood was lighter than metal—that was just a simple fact. While Pino had become very light on his feet, the weight difference could not be ignored as he tried to keep the record album cover out of reach. Standing up only helped so much, despite the height difference. Instead, Pinocchio simply jumped on the bed, and without hesitation snatched the record album cover from Pino’s hand.

“…’Love Sonnets of Krat”…?” Pinocchio squinted as he read the title out loud. The two puppets exchanged looks. “Oh…buddy…” his brows raised as Pino shrunk back a little. “…don’t tell me this is about Lampwick.” At that, Pino finally slumped back to sit on the bed again. Pinocchio plopped down beside him. “He…makes me feel. He has been kind…and he teaches me things I never thought I would learn.” “You really need to get out more,” Pinocchio sighed as he lounged back. He grimaced. “Oh…fuck me, I’m starting to talk like Anthony.” He hung his head back with a groan. “Great…” Something about the look Pinocchio gave him made his springs and gears tighten. He assumed this was…irritation? “I really care about him.” They stared at each other. Pinocchio nodded, sympathetically. He pushed himself off the bed, and Pino watched the puppet rummage through the drawers and cupboards of the extravagant room. He made a satisfied sound at some point, pulling out a bottle of…if he recalled, the old woman by Venigni’s factory called it a ‘tipple’…?

He heard a popping sound, and Pinocchio walked back to sit beside him again.

“You’re in love,” Pinocchio concurred, and he held the bottle in his direction. “—have a drink.” Pino shook his head. “Can you drink?” “Yes—I can drink things, it’s the eating that I can’t really do.” “Do you wanna try?” His gaze shifted. “…I don’t think Father would approve,” “You have to go anywhere?” “Well…no, Venigni has to decode a—” “Just take a swig.”

He took the bottle, looking over the label before hesitantly raising the bottle to his lips. The flavor was strong, strong enough to make his joints jolt. He looked at the label again, quietly feeling a warmth fill his stomach. It felt somewhat similar to the warmth that would come when his springs would react to a lie, but…something told him this was different. “Good, yeah?” He stared at the bottle in wonder. “An old woman asked me to bring her some, once,” “She said that it was important for her to have.” Pinocchio snorted. “Oh yeah? “…Why not talk to your Geppetto about…what you’re feeling?” “…I…do not think Father would approve…” “Yeah? That a fact…” Pinocchio watched as he took another sip from the bottle before scooting back to lean against the pillows. Pino mimicked him, and the two sat side by side. “…Which song was it?” “The last one, I think.” Pinocchio flipped the album cover over in his hands, looking through the lists of songs. He looked up at Pino as though he were a sodding wet puppy lost in the storm that currently raged outside the hotel. “…’Aimer’…?” When he got a nod for an answer, Pinocchio heaved a long sigh. “Yeap, I’m gonna need a drink, too.” “It’s a nice song,” Pino insisted as he watched Pinocchio stand and walk over to the record player to place the needle at the beginning again. “I like it a lot.” “Ain’t that just the way,” Pinocchio sighed. “What way?” “It’s a metaphor, kid. Grimme that bottle.” Pino silently handed the bottle over to Pinocchio as he plopped back down on the bed. It surprised him, a little, that he could handle such a thing so palatable despite being a puppet. Wasn’t the feeling overwhelming?

The two sat in silence for a while, listening to the music that played while passing the bottle between each other.

By halfway through the second listen-through of the album, only a little less than a third was left. “Have you ever been in love…?” “Oh yeah,” Pinocchio scoffed loudly. “Lots’a times.” He took a long drink. “Fuckin’…fuckin’ sucks,” he said as he passed the bottle. “What did it feel like, for you?” “Like…like…you’re gonna throw up your insides,” Pinocchio gestured vaguely. “Your insides an’ butterflies an’ flowers…get all…warm ‘n fuzzy—just wanna curl in their arms all the time, feelin’ safe ‘n warm…” Pino was thoroughly confused, and he frowned. “But that doesn’t sound bad at all…” “You ever throw up before?” “No…I don’t think so,” Pinocchio was insulted. “Oh—oh he jus’ keeps on winnin, don’tcha?!” He said, snatching the bottle when it was held out to him. He glared into it. “Get to look all…human on the outside, like a…perfect pretty-boy,” he turned the bottle end upright when he drank. “—even the  people tryin’a kill you think yer…all hot, an’ now he’s sayin’ he never even…puked on the sidewalk,” he slumped back in a huff, and considered. “Well…just wait ‘till mornin’—you’ll change your tune then. Probably, if you actually can,” Pinocchio grumbled, absently tugging at the necklace under his shirt. “‘Ssat…?” Pino asked, gingerly taking back the bottle. “Whus what?” “Ssat—“ Pino poked at Pinocchio’s chest. “Keep my ‘gagement ring on a necklace,” Pinocchio said, pulling on the chain to hold up the plain gold ring attached to it. “Lose it if I didn’t—doin all…flips an’ stuff fightin…” “Who is she?” Pinocchio snorted. “His name is Razel. Think you’re the only gay…puppet twink?” He waved Pino over. “Gimme that, ‘m gettin ‘nother sip,” Pino pouted as he handed Pinocchio the bottle. “Don’t gimme that look,” “You…don’t like me, do you.” It came out more like a statement than a question. And for what it was worth, it did catch Pinocchio off guard. He stared at the automation for a long while. Eventually, he sighed. “No, I…didn’ ever say that—I don’t…not like you?” “You get angry at me all the time…and…everything about my…being, seems to upset you,” Pinocchio hung his head with an even longer sigh. “No, I…fuck, okay, look,” he pacifyingly handed the wine to Pino. “—allathat…it’s…that all ‘cause’of my own problems, got nothing to do with you,” he watched as Pino took a tentative sip before glancing away. “Ah…I dunno…jus’…jealous of you, guess...even if it’s all gone to hell here, you’ve still got it somehow made here!” He gestured widely. “You live in this fancy five-star hotel, you’ve…got friends, and actually manage to keep ‘em, your papa actually seems to like you…you didn’t even really have to learn to fight, allathat came natural!” He grimaced at the ceiling. “Then…there’s me—stuck in this…block’a wood, just about every friend I came across as a kid pretty much died…an’…papa…my papa’s…gone. Not that he liked me much, anyway…” Pino looked around the extravagant bedroom, his gaze settling on the window. He stared quietly at the raindrops that slid down the glass. “…You…can feel things,” Pino said, his voice quiet. “You always could have…you never needed to learn. You…can get angry, frown, and smile,” “You can do that too, though,” “Not smile. Smiling is…difficult. It looks…’uncanny’, that’s what I heard.” Pino looked down at his legion arm, flexing his fingers. “Appearances only go so far…when people hear my gears…they usually turn. I’m…not a who—I’m a what.” "'...s'all stuff you can learn, though..." "You can cry." "Can't you?" "I don't think so—I don't think I have tear ducts." They looked at each other, something in that silence making the two sober up a little. Pinocchio glanced away. “Right…guess…there’s always gotta be somethin’,” he mumbled. “I don’t like killing things, all the time…” “Preachin’ to the choir,” Pinocchio said. “What do I do after this is done…?” “Fuck if I know that answer—I barely knew what I was doing when I was actually a human.” They both grew silent again, somehow feeling drunker in those few minutes than when they had gotten halfway through the wine bottle.

“Bah, that’s it—sober moment over. Where…where is your lover-boat, anyways?” Pinocchio snuck in an extra sip before Pino had clumsily taken the bottle. “He…he’s…he…” Pino struggled to finish the thought. “Treasure.” He decided on. Pinocchio hummed. “Right, yeah…s’a…thing here, yeah…” Pino peeked into the bottle, fascinated by the way the red liquid rolled inside. He swayed side to side. He looked at Pinocchio as though he had suddenly sprouted butterfly wings from his ears. “…Huh?” “I said—” Pinocchio stopped, briefly forgetting just what he had said. “I said—what kind of market does this place even have?” “Oh, it’s…it’s…it’s…” Pino’s brows furled as he absently drank from the bottle. He had downed half of what was left without even realizing he had done it, for he was too focused on thinking. “Hey, hey—” Pinocchio swatted at his hands, managing to pry the bottle away when they became unsteady. “—you gotta…gotta take it easy, you can’t jus’ go an’—” “…s’like…jus’ one…” Pinocchio squinted at Pino as if he had suddenly sprouted the ears of a jackass. “Huh?” “Only…really…see one…” Pino motioned vaguely. “’ryone’s…i’side—inside…houses,” he made a box shaped gesture. “Windows’all…shut…’cept for…sometimes,” “Like tipple lady,” Pinocchio concluded. “Yes,” “Yeah,” “Mmhm.” “Got it.” Pinocchio took a sip, and then another. “Okay so…treasure…guy…” “Lam’wick,” “Yeah, that guy,” Pinocchio passed the bottle back, and heaved a deep sigh. “I wish Anthony were here…he’d know what to do—what to tell ya. He’s’a cricket, so ya know he’s real smart an'all, an’ gives good advice an’ stuff…” “Cricket…” Pino said, moodily staring down the bottle. “…Glow.” “Nope, not mine,” “No glow?” “No glow. He’s…” Pinocchio gestured high above his head. “..s’all tall an’…an’ he’s a doctor, he's…doctor, so all extra-smart…” They both grew quiet. “…I don’t…think he’d…like me,” “Wick,” “Mm-mm. Doesn’t like…puppets. Calls Father an me…devil,” Pino frowned. “’M notta devil, m' a…puppet,” “Preachin’ to the choir,” Pinocchio chorused. “Cross a bingo, take a shot—nobody ever likes us wherever we are,” Pino turned the empty bottle upside down. “Fox…an’ cat,” “Oh you got a pair too, huh,” “Cat…called me…dumbass,” “’bout right.” “Wick wouldn’…want a dumbass,” “Fuck that cat,” Pinocchio slurred aggressively. “You’re not—you’re…smarter n’…probably any version of us out there,” he shook Pino, drawing his attention away when the automation tried to use the wine bottle like a telescope. “’Sides, bein’…bein’ kinda a dumbass is our personal brand’a specialty. If Wick don’t want that then…then…he can…stick…” he squinted, trying to concentrate. “…’m too drunk to think of a insult, but…but that’s what you should think if that’s how he gets,” Pinocchio concluded as he flopped onto his back. He waved a finger in the air, mumbling something, but Pino was having a hard time concentrating on much else, at this point. He blew into the bottle, the loud sound coming from it startling him.

Polendina knocked before entering the room, Gemini in hand. “Excuse me, but your lantern keeps requesting to be with you, and it is important to not leave your items unattended…” he stopped short, watching the pair of raven-haired puppets snooze away while slumped over one another. “What the heck happened here?!” Gemini cried as Polendina stepped around to get a closer look. “Ah.” He picked up the empty bottle, having long since been abandoned at the bedside. “Ohh, I don’t think Geppetto would like this one bit,” Gemini said. “There is no need to say anything,” Polendina concluded. He set the empty bottle on the dresser, and placed Gemini at the bedside table. “After all, there are seldom moments of rest.” “True…I’ll keep an eye on them, regardless.” “I shall come by later to check in.” Polendina said, leaving for the door. He stopped, thinking for a moment before closing it.

Perhaps he should prepare some hot towels for when they wake.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Some replies, starting with the ones related to the dragon!Malleus drawing from yesterday.

Anonymous asked:

*claps hands and rubs them together*

Hehehehehe dragonussy ✨ (recent Malleus drawing)

Yes! Finally!! 🤤😏 After all this time…!

Anonymous asked:

Mal only tops in dragon form

Look at him, Anon.

Look at him closely.

He is a bottom bitch with a dragon pussy so big that no dick could possibly satisfy it, so he is to stay forever hungry, underfucked and cranky until the chosen one (or a donkey idk) shows himself and fucks him to the ground.

 (In all seriousness, please don’t try this with us. We don’t like switching and we mention it every single day.)

Anonymous asked:

J-Jamil, do you know what it’s like being someone looking at a man that looks the way you do? 🥵

I think he knows, Anon… he knows it well enough to abuse this power that he holds 😔 So cruel and so beautiful!

Anonymous asked:

Have you seen Jamil’s B-Day groovy? He braids his hair and puts all the pretty hair accessories in with magic! Also, his sprites have him with these headbands that he just SLAYS in. It’s not fair for him to be so pretty ♥️♥️

Yes! I really wanted to compliment Jamil for having dedication to do his braids every single day, but then the groovy dropped lol The cat is out of the bag. I guess that makes perfect sense, who would want to spend so much time on that if you can do it with magic… good for him.

The headband looks cute on him as well; this guy is way too pretty for his own good.

Anonymous asked:

Who knew Lilia discovered the theory of relativity, turned down Henry VIII, was the first person (fae?) on the moon, and escaped the Facebook lizard!

(related to an ask from yesterday)

Yes! Especially the last thing!

The fact that no one other than the rest of Diasomnia boys would believe him… younglings are so cynical these days :(

Anonymous asked:

I feel like “Wait for It” by Leslie Odom Jr. really matches Jamil especially his feelings toward Kalim near the end of the song.

I really like this song, Anon. Maybe this is because it’s kind of difficult for me to separate it from its story and Burr and Hamilton specifically…

I agree that Jamil resonates with the feeling of unfairness when some other person just keeps doing whatever he wants and winning, while he has to sit back and wait, but Jamil’s situation still feels very different.

Then again, Jamil got his “what are you waiting for though?” moment, so 🤔 You’re onto something.

Anonymous asked:

You know, when I first read that thing you wrote on Vil being taken advantage of by older men in the industry, all I could think about was "All You Wanna Do" from the Six musical. Like, listen to it while picturing Vil and you'll understand what I mean.

You ask was driving me insane for this entire week, Anon, because I was trying to find one reply where we already talked about Vil in relation to this song, but plottwist: it doesn’t exist lol But we did get an ask about it in relation to Alois! Which is funny because somehow we keep walking back to their similarities from time to time.

To answer your question though: yeah I get it. It’s like the perfect level of uncomfortable coping with the idea of “I am not being taken advantage of, I am just that good compared to others”. Vil probably had his breaking moment when he stopped lying to himself about this whole thing.

Anonymous asked:

Do you watch k dramas? If so, you should really check out Glory. It’s a super intense one

K-dramas aren’t really our thing, but I checked the synopsis of Glory, and honestly it sounds super cool! And has this vibe of a lot of k-movies that we love, interestingly.

Thank you for your recommendation!

[jolapeno]

I am excited for ghost and helen car ride 👀 we need more sass and snark hehe

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x F!Reader (Helen!Reader)

an: just a little something for a Saturday 🚘

He doesn’t elaborate on why he’s here instead of Soap, not when he loads the car, not even when the tyres hit the open road.

No explanation provided an hour in or after your two’s pit-stop-fuck. It niggled, tightened in the back of your mind that he was keeping things from you that he could tell you. Something he promised he’d never to do.

But then, you equally had promised not to put yourself in danger, and here you were accepting a mission not necessary for a medic.

You had ways of pulling information from Ghost, and even ways of retrieving it from Simon.

Both begin in the same way, following a similar pattern: indifference. You lull him into believing telling you would be better than whatever the fuck you’re doing. A bribe, an exchange.

Your chosen play was to keep messing with the radio volume and station until it wound him up. Watching his eyes dart in your direction, even if you never met them. His hips shifted periodically, making your eyes stare at the thighs you’d between your own only hours ago.

That was his play—his line of defence: his ridiculous body and his ridiculous way of knowing every inch of yours.

Except, he’d played his hand too soon. Your knickers are still in his pocket, and his cum is still very much inside of you. So, you turned the volume up another two notches, wondering how tight his jaw was under the thin fabric on his face.

You can’t assume you’re getting to him.

That’s how you fail. But, the volume is piercing your ears, so you have to wonder if it is for him. The songs neither of you know blaring, filling the small space with sounds both irritating to you, and him.

So, naturally, you turn it up again. Almost pulling your hand back when his wraps around yours, gripping it with enough purpose to tell you you’re getting to him—but not enough to hurt.

“You not like that song?”

“Enough, Helen. For fuck sake.”

You grin, keeping score as the sun sets. The ambient temperature lessens as the breezes rushes through both of your open windows. Allowing clothes to fall away from damp skin as the low light catches the metal in the car and the metal on his left hand—the evidence of your cover.

A story not far from the truth. One you’d supposed to be spinning with Soap, and not your actual lover.

Soap would also have been bare faced.

“I’d have been fine with Soap, if that’s what you were worried about.”

His hands tightens on the steering wheel. “Wasn’t worried.”

“And, as good as his singing is, it wouldn’t have swayed me from your broody nature. In case, you’re jealous that he’d get to spend two to three days with me.”

He shoots you a glare—eyes standing out due to the lack of paint around them. The same ones you see when he’s bare to you, all walls down, and willing to let you in.

Pieces of truth slide into place in front of your eyes, the puzzle almost readable—almost identifiable.

“How you going to be explain the balaclava, hubby?”

You watch for him tensing at the affectionate name. He doesn’t. If anything, he doesn’t react at all. Likely knowing it’s what you want—that right now the best the two of you have is fighting and fucking to make up for it.

He won’t tell you what’s wrong, and you’re already bored of him being difficult.

“Tell them I’m ugly. Warn ‘em I’m doing them a favour by keepin’ it on.”

You smirk, letting your head roll back on the seat as the breeze whips your hair around your neck. “Next to me, they won’t believe that.”

“Bit full of yourself, Helen.”

“If I remember, I’ma bit full of you.”

“Watch it.”

Snorting, you roll your head to look at him. “Or what? You’ll pull over and stuff more of yourself in me… cause I’ll tell you now, Simon. I’d like that too much for it to be a punishment.”

“You’re something else.”

“It’s why you married me, remember?”

“Engaged, Helen,” he snarls, and your eyes narrow at his side-profile and his tone.

Because you know that, know that the two of you haven’t quite crossed that line just yet. But for this… you’re married. A lie that you’ll need to spin when you reach the end of this particular half of the journey.

You almost saying that, it fermenting on the tip of your tongue.

But his hand takes yours again, clutching it, weaving his bare fingers in between yours. And you let the words die, wilt and fade. Beginning to maybe see what may have been bothering him.

Maybe.

[theverumproject]

Get To Know Me Tag!

Thank you for the tag @rivenantiqnerd!

I rambled a little too much in this one, woops.

Rules: Answer the questions because I want to get to know you better :D 

Do you have a pet?

No, but I frequently get visited by a cat that is older than I am (She's like 22 or something lol). But my mom, my sister and I have been wanting to get chickens!

Comfort food?

I don't really have one? A steak, maybe?

How many languages do you speak?

My native language is Swissgerman, so naturally I also speak High German and obviously I speak English. So let's say 2.5 languages, because the two Germans are similar, but not the same.

I wanna learn many more languages though, that includes; Romansh, Italian (we had it in school for six fucking years but I can barely speak it), French (these three are the other national languages of Switzerland), Swedish, Norwegian, Finnish, Greek, Russian, Japanese, Welsh, Old Germanic, Latin, Old English and perhaps spanish. There are just sooo many beautiful languages in the world, though I know I will probably never get past the 2.5. 

Random fact about yourself

As a kid I got so sick of radio music that I didn't listen to any songs with lyrics in them for about 2-3 years. I only listened to Dubstep, which eventually turned into only listening to Deathstep (and some robo and metalstep) for about 2 years.

One day I found a remix of the songs Psychosocial and The Devil in I by Slipknot. Slipknot was my gateway band to metal. I practically only listened to them for probably more than half a year.

And then I discovered aliencore. Aliencore is a subgenre of death metal in which, you guessed it, everything is about aliens. So I got obsessed with Rings of Saturn at first (I still mourn them deeply) and later on with Aversions Crown. So I pretty much only listened to them for probably more than half a year too.

Then I got obsessed with Behemoth and Gorogoroth for a while, that's how I began listening to black metal too. About one or two years ago I got obsessed with Ghost and only listened to them for more than half a year, AGAIN!

That was the last time I obsessed over a band. Now I just listen to a bunch of different bands and artists. I don't have a favorite band at the moment, but my favorite song is Sommer by Nargaroth. I also love Starchild by Wintersun, Fading Memories by Thy Pallor, Wieczernia by Batushka, The Sun, The Moon, The Star by Aether Realm, Million Year Summer by The Angelic Process, The Satanist by Behemoth and a bunch of Slipknot songs like Gently, Iowa, Scissors and The Virus of Life.

I really just rambled about my entire musical journey, fucking hell.

Something you’re proud of?

In my last year of school, we had to do a final project. I chose to write about how I imagined the future to look like. I researched everything to be as scientifically accurate as possible. I had a bunch of ideas for topics, and in the end I ended up with six. They were: “Can you bring artificial intelligence to life?”, “What could the future of space travel possibly look like?”, “How could the cities of the future look like?”, “Will humanity go extinct?” “What is the technological and human singularity?” and “What is my idea of transhumanism?”. (The original titles are in German).

I had a blast during the presentation, I even made somebody cry actually. I showed them a video of ChaosGPT and it actually frightened some. One girl was wiping her tears away. To me this was really funny, because I put the video on 2x speed which made the Mozart music in the background sound really funny. Imagine some evil AI planning to destroy the world, while a girl is crying as Mozart is playing at 2x speed in the background and I just stand in front of the whole class and two teachers, trying to hold my shit together.

Anyway, I got a 6 (best possible grade) for the written work, a 6 for the journal and a 5.8 for the presentation (I talked for over an hour, which was a little too long, but the rest of it was fucking great!!!), so I received a -6 for the whole project. My other teacher also gave me a 6 (It's an unofficial grade though) and the whole class had to give me a grade too, which were all 6s too!

So yeah, I did a fucking amazing job!

Tags: @teamarine777 @creative-author + open tag!

[yourstrulyaiko]

o𓆩♡𓆪; MY HAPPY ENDING PT.4 | HEADCANON 𓆩♡𓆪  

╰┈➤ featuring; boku no hero academia! drummer! bakugou katsuki! x lead singer! fem! reader  

જ about; Heartbreaks. Aches. Dreams shattered. You feel like there was no bridging between you and your goal as an artist. Especially since the bridge that connected you that was your ex-boyfriend, Shindo, who you met at club. Now, that you’re separated. You thought, that was it. No more. Well, you thought wrong.

જ contents and warning; profanity cause bakugou is on it, asshole bakugou, cigarettes, smoking, angst, drummer bakugou, band au, fluff, romance, drama, paparazzi, cheating, break ups, toxic relationships, getting physical (the bad kind) and many more that I have definitely missed.

જ author's note; I actually have a lots and lots of chapter about band au which needs to be revised and re-written. unedited. THIS IS GOING TO BE A DARK ONE. Please proceed with caution as this portrays ab£s3 and toxic relationship in general. If you’re ever in a similar situation. Please. Seek help. Immediately.  Bakugou’s reaction is an effect of being in a toxic relationship, you tend to push people around you. So, if you are in this kind of ‘relationship’. LEAVE. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. I will defo write this as an entire series in more detail cause I acc like it lololol.

LET’S TALK ABOUT BAKUGOU NOW SINCE WE’RE TRYING TO ESTABLISH YOU FIRST

So, Bakugou plays drum really well.

He was planning to go to University and work his mother and father’s company.

But, Kirishima was the person who brought up the fact that they’re forming a band and invited Bakugou along.

He was pretty excited.

Not he’s going to tell anyone that.

They were constantly practicing and juggling their part time jobs.

Once, they’re off rushing to Bakugou’s garage practicing.

Bakugou worked at a music shop.

He started working there at the age of 17.

The band formed when they were 16.

They were still little scrawny kids trying to navigate what they wanted to do

They were working hard to achieve their dreams.

Denki eventually introduced Jirou 

She started composing songs for them to play.

They were having so much fun.

Mitsuki would always bring them snacks and drinks too

Not too long after that, Mina was introduced into the group.

She was the one who kick started them into playing in clubs.

Because she work at that very club.

They were playing simple tunes and rhythms that everyone dances too.

These guys are amateurs but the practice and dedication they have for this band 

The club owner would pay them a huge amount of money 

They brought in a lot of customers because people heard about this amazing club with the live band.

Now the problem is, what do they call themselves?

They were throwing around random names.

King Explosion band suggested Bakugou

Nope 

Ladies Magnet says Denki

Definitely a nope.

Then Sero,

“How about Tokyo Lights? I mean, we live in Tokyo and there’s a lot of fluorescent lights here.”

“That sounds dumb.” Bakugou snorts.

“I mean, it’s better than King Explosion Band.” Kirishima pats him on the back.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHITTY HAIR! IT’S BETTER THAN DUNCE FACE OVER THERE!”

It was fucking perfect.

With the money from gigs and part time jobs,

Mitsuki and Masaru didn’t have to worry about their little boy anymore.

His part time job also heard about him playing for a club so, his boss paid gave away a drum set.

SO NICE

A much better kit than his current one.

This gave him the opportunity to start saving up for his first tattoo.

At 18, he did manage to.

It was the big red dragon one.

HE WAS STOKED.

He has been wanting one for a long time and he had it all planned out.

So, when he finally got it.

His confidence and ego shot up a ten fold.

This only led caused a snowball effect of Bakugou wanting to get next one already.

Instead he got his tongue pierced instead.

Needless to say, his friends wanted to get piercing and tattoos too!

As their band grew and grew more popularity. They were all 18-19 at this point,

They’re asking when they were going to get a singer for their band.

This is how Bakugou and Camie met.

After they played for the club.

Camie approached Bakugou offering to buy him a drink.

Started talking and they found Camie could sing.

They offered for her to join the band.

That’s the start of skyrocketing to fame. People started talking about this little band

Tokyo Lights

Not too long after that Camie and Bakugou started dating.

It wasn’t open out there in public but their friends knew.

They continued to climb up in fame. They started getting inviting to bigger events.

This was it, they needed to record their song.

No, fuck that let’s go for a debut album.

Thankfully, Jirou was there and her parents are musician.

So, they all had the equipment they needed.

They took a break from playing at the club. 

They quit their jobs.

They focused on being a band.

Then, their debut album was published.

LET ME TELL YOU.

IT BLEW THE FUCK UP.

THEY ACTUALLY GAINED A LOT OF ATTENTION. LIKE THEY DIDN’T CHART 

BUT THEY HAD A GOOD AMOUNT OF LISTENERS.

It was amazing

They were having a great time and celebrating.

They were on cloud 9 

Katsuki especially since he was living his best life, on the path of his dreams and has a great girlfriend.

The band also gets to be a open up for much bigger singers and bands.

This skyrocketed them even more.

They bought an office and recording studio

THEIR VERY OWN ONE!!

YAY!

The happiness wouldn’t last for long.

Camie was starting to act weird.

The fame was getting to her head.

She wanted the upmost perfection. Unrealistic even.

How bad was it getting?

Well, any single error? That would get you Camie screaming your ear off

For, “Being fucking dumb”, “How can you be a professional fucking musician and be this fucking dumb?”, “I don’t know what’s worse you guys claiming to be this big thing and still slow. Oh wait- Nothing could be worse than that.”

That just didn’t stop from her degrading the other band mates.

Nope.

That extended to her boyfriend, Bakugou.

“What the fuck was that?”

“It’s the beat for-”

“No, the fuck is not. Get it the fuck together or do you want me to do your job for you?”

It’s even worse because-

Camie would get mad at something out of their control and her own mistake.

When Denki’s bass guitar string snapped, Sero forgot to plug his keyboard and was about to, Kirishima electric guitar wasn’t plugged to a amplifier, Mina got the wrong size for her top for their upcoming show and Jirou accidentally playing the wrong melody when it comes to recording.

It’s bad.

Bakugou wouldn’t say anything.

He just follows along and nods.

But, he’s weirdly quiet about the whole thing.

While that’s happening? Camie was whispering all kinds of things to his ear.

“They’re pretty shit, aren’t they?” Camie blows smoke into the air and hugs him from behind, “Why not just kick them all out? Tokyo Lights would be better with just the two of us.”

“I don’t get why you formed a band with these people.”

“I think everyone knows, I made this band anyways.”

“I think everyone knows, I made this band anyways.”

“Quit it.” Bakugou growls.

Camie pretends to be confused and she didn’t say anything wrong,

“What? I don’t know what you’re getting mad. I’m only helping you.” “You can’t be wasting your talent. I care about you.”

THE AUDACITY OF GAS LIGHTING OF IT ALL

She wasn’t hiding her thoughts.

Camie publicly said it too. This band wouldn’t be where it would be if she didn’t join.

It was terrible. She always found ways to tear people around her and put herself up.

Bakugou was being drained by this.

But, he didn’t know how to go about it.

Bakugou still remembers the first time it happened.

He was 23.

Camie struck him across the face.

Right, in front of everyone.

That was it.

“Get out.”

Camie looked at him in disbelief,

“Are you fucking serious?” She’s jabbing her finger on his chest, “You’re nothing and fucking worthless without me. Now, you’re telling to get out.”

It was a never ending cycle.

A push and tug situation.

Camie would manage to convince Bakugou to let her back in.

Then, she would end up hurting him. Mentally.

Sometimes, physically.

And, Camie would pull some shit.

Like, “You know, I would never hurt you.”, “I didn’t mean to do that.”, “But, you just push me to the edge.”

She always made it seem like he was at fault.

Kirishima had to pull him aside and tell him this isn’t right.

It’s not good for him at all.

Listen, it isn’t easy leaving a toxic relationship or friendship.

Sometimes, friends and family will be the one encouraging you to do it.

Bakugou was facing a lot of dilemma because yes, it ain’t good for him but, he knows his attitude.

He can be brash.

He feels like no one can love him the way Camie does.

As she said, “Who would love you if I wasn’t here?”, “A lot of women would find you so annoying and wouldn’t be able to stand you, that’s why I’m here.”, “I’m the only one who could ever love you.”

I mean, he’s very self aware that some people will never get along with him.

Bakugou doesn’t know how to control his emotion.

So, he stays. Cause deep down he was right.

Even if, he’s working on himself. Everyday.

When they finally broke up and she is set to leave the band

He remembers what she said to them,

“They were no good for her.”

The years of pulling and pushing accumulated.

Bakugou was lost.

It’s like he didn’t know how to live.

For him, leaving this toxic relationship felt as if he was lonely.

Bakugou starts to question whether what Camie was telling him was true.

There’s no one that is going to love him like Camie does.

He still clings onto the thought of her coming back.

Work things out.

Then, you came along.

You.

You who is going to take her place. You who was the reason for Camie will never come back.

To him, you are barrier between Camie and himself.

He was slowly destroying himself and his friends.

He goes out drinking often. 

Smokes so much more now too.

That’s why Kirishima was always telling him to go to therapy.

Because he will regret the road he’s go down in.

He did.

It was a lot.

Extremely uncomfortable.

He didn’t understand why Camie was at fault.

To him, he was always at fault. Camie had enough if him.

That’s why she left.

“This is your your way of not opening that space in the hopes that Camie comes back.” His therapist Hayakawa, “This is what a lot of-”

“I don’t want to talk about this, right now.” Bakugou stood up quickly.

“That’s fine. Do note, after your first therapy session. It can be extremely overwhelmed. So take a walk by yourself and digest everything we discussed today.”

He leaves and kept what his therapist said,

Bakugou pulls his hoodie up and wears his mask to conceal his identity,

He walks around the city thinking about what his therapist said to him.

He’s so confused.

Was it really Camie’s fault all this time? 

The next week, he appears back at his therapist office.

He spots you.

Just staring off into space.

The hell are you doing here?

“Oi!” He barks, “The fuck do you think are you doing here?”

“Well, what the fuck do you think I’m here for? A tea party?” You scoff.

TAGS

@xviternity @bluebreadenthusiast​ @to the anon who left an anon message! <3 @chuugarettes​

[ador3him]

omg what about being friends with dream and him being in denial abt having feelings for you but then someone just openly says like “oh, yeah y/n’s definitely hot. like- dream! you’re friends with her right? would you mind putting in a good word for me?” I LIVE FOR JEALOUS DREAM

pairing: Dream x gn!reader

warnings: swearing, KINDA SUGGESTIVE BUT DEF NOT NSFW also not proofread

requested? yes!! i actually combined 2 requests! because they were SOOOO similar this was the second one: "maybe jealous best friend dream?? angst from dream being jealous to fluff?? maybe a forced confession??"

word count: 0.7k

a/n: i love karl i just didnt know who to put as the second person so i used karl im sorry guys :(

“Welcome to the stream! Woo this is great, what the heck,” y/n laughs a bit at the chat spamming and delaying every couple seconds. “Today fellas we are going to be joined by the one the only Dream!” their voice raises at the announcement of Dream’s name. “Hello guys!” Dreams voice pops through the mic as he appears from out of frame. “Wow chat loves me more than you, y/n,” he jokes laughing as y/n gasps whacking him softly on the stomach. “We also have another special guest in my house and on stream today,” y/n smiles widely as Karl appears from where Dream did. “Karl mother fucking Jacobs people!” they scream giddily. “Woo! I am here people!” Karl says really close to the mic.

“y/n stand up for a second,” Dream whispers to them as Karl loads up Spotify to play some background music. Before y/n has a chance to say anything when they stand up Dream sits down and pulls y/n onto his lap resting his arms around their waist and onto their lap. “Dreams trying to seduce me guys help,” they laugh leaning back onto his chest a bit. “What the,” Karl turns around to see what the commotion is. His eyes are fixated on what is happening, causing Dream to tighten his grip around y/n’s waist. “Should we start?” y/n suggests holding their hands out for Karl to drag them both closer to their desk. “Today chat us three are going to be playing Just Dance!” y/n says in a funky voice making Karl laugh and Dream again tighten his grip around them, like they were a stress ball or something. “Okay to play this we actually have to be standing believe it or not Dreamy,” they start forcing themself out of his death grip laughing, making Dream smile a bit.

“Thank you, guys, so much for watching! If you have been here since we started, I am sorry you had to watch 4 hours of us idiots but if you are just tuning in don’t worry, I will be making a YouTube video with clips soon! I am going to raid uh, who is streaming, Foolish! Have fun watching Foolish, mwah!” y/n waves goodbye to the camera before turning it off, Dream and Karl had already left to get them three dinner leaving y/n alone.

-

The car ride home from getting the takeaway was dead silent expect for the soft sounds of Dream’s music he was playing on AUX. He’s borrowing y/n’s car and didn’t want to mess with the radio. Karl sat in the passenger seat scrolling aimlessly through his phone. “Its so quiet,” Karl laughs a bit awkwardly. “Sorry,” Dream mumbles turning his music up slightly.

Karl begins to tap his fingers on his knee to the song, which seems to annoy Dream. What now he’s going to take his music taste. “So, Dream you know how we are here with y/n right?” Karl asks the obvious. “Really? Didn’t notice,” he replies eyes focused solely on the road ahead. “Well, I think they are so beautiful, and I was wondering if you could maybe put in a good word for me. Just because you have known them longer.” His voice never wavered sure his friend would do this for him. “No,” Dream replies pulling into y/n driveway. “W-what?” he looks over at him, but he is already out the car with the takeout bags.

“Y/n, come here please,” Dream calls once he enters their house, Karl following a couple feet behind him. “What’s up Dreamy,” y/n walks around the corner in Dreams merch hoodie and bike shorts, his eyes soften a bit, he places the bags down and walk up to y/n. “You’re mine, right?” he whispers once he is close to them. “Yours?” they look up at him. “Mine, no label but mine,” he clarifies. “Not Karl’s, not Georges, no one but mine,” he’s eyes flicker from their eyes to their lips. “Totally yours,” they whisper so quietly he could almost not hear it. “Good,” he leans down and kisses their lips, his hands softly holding their cheeks as if they would break. When they both pull away y/n smiles, “You got jealous of Karl didn’t you,” they laugh. “Shut up,” he pushes them away a little before pulling them back by the waist.

[titan-god-helios]

pt1 of oddly specific things that give me gender affirmation/euphoria (that may not be that odd but i didn’t expect them so shut up <3 /lh):

wallets !!!! a good stereotypically masculine wallet that’s small and leather and still has lots and lots of usability and looks like something a dad would use makes me feel so masculine !! love it

any type of trouser or bottoms with more than two pockets

windbreaker jackets - they make me go “FUCK YEEAAHH im such a boy a man a male tm yessir” and idk why they just do tho, even the fem ones to an extent

plantssss i love plants and they make me feel like a little gardner boy just yessss

energy drinks for some reason ???? they make the internal man dialogue of “IM A MANNN” go haywire so much

hairbands on my wrist and an excess of those wooden beaded bracelets or even stone beaded jewellery

cross earrings but just bc they look cool (i’m an atheist so yuh, i still love people who have religion too, y’all are awesome <3)

doing the thing with your hair where you take hair from one side and flip it on the other with one hand and its kind of like running your hand through your hair but with long hair…. esp of my other hand is on my hip and i scrunch my face ?!?!?!??!? so boyish i feel so good

dancing like an absolute idiot. i dont know why but every time i just do a little jig for myself by myself my gender is just like “yessssss you’re a boy frfr slay king”

watches !! big chunky analogue watches

following on from the last point, clocks too

mushroomsssss they make the more nonbinary side of me jump for joy cause like “yes ofc im a fucking forest goblin dude i love mushrooms im just a goblin guy leave me alone and let me love the shrooms”

sketching in public. it just doessss

camoflague clothing !! i mean this was probably obvious but when i came out to myself and i wore camo cargo pants (with loads of pockets mind you) i just freaked out in joy i felt so manly that day it was glorious

singing !! singing my favourite songs as low as i can go with it still sounding good

just being as stubborn as possible but in a non problematic (for the most part) way. like if you give me the option to make things easier and more convenient or not i’ll choose the harder option. idk it just makes me feel manly (is this toxic masculinity ?? i dont know but i try to remind myself that this only applies to non mental stuff so i don’t end up self-harming againnnn)

being unnecessarily overdressed

not brushing my hair till its perfectly untangled and just letting it be a bit wild - this came with me figuring out that my hair type is waywayway wavier/curlier than i thought my whole life and learning to take care of it the best i can whilst i have like zero products for waves/curls on hand and as a bonus i felt more masc !!

looking at the stretch marks underneath my boobs in the mirror. i have a large-ish chest i think (DD cup), plus i’m a lil chubby, so i have loads of stretch marks around my chest, and the ones underneath look like top surgery scars, so if i’m having a particularly rough day with my chest dysphoria i’ll look at em and feel a bit better

using my stim toys and accommodations with friends and by myself for my autism and adhd - being capable of taking care of myself finally makes me feel really confident and as a result quite masc as well

stimming by flipping my beaded bracelets between my fingers - this is specific to greek and possibly other cultures similar to greece but it’s typical for a lot of greek men to flip long-ish beaded loops (?? they’re not jewellery and specifically made for this but idk what they’re called so) between their fingers in a similar fashion, and it’s a thing that my dad does a lot when bored. whether neurodivergent or neurotypical it’s a very common thing for men and so doing it makes me not only feel good stimming but also feel manly as fuck ! it feels even better now that my mum saw me doing it once and said “what are you a man ??” and being closeted i had to say “idc im just flipping a bracelet why does it have to be gendered” BUT INSIDE I WAS SO HAPPY

playing card games - when i was younger and even now my dad and grandpa would let me sit in on their card games late at night when we visited them in greece and now when i play card games i always feel so calm and comforted and quietly masculine

drinkingggg now hear me out yes im a minor but i’m also half greek so as a result whenever my parents drink im allowed a bit too (under supervision ofc). anyway that out the way, i have a pretty fucking high alcohol tolerance and considering the fact that it comes from my dad (being asian, my mum’s tolerance is dogshit) plus the stereotypical “men can drink more” stuff i feel SO MANLYYYY when i can quite literally drink more than my dad and feel okay whilst he’s starting to be tipsy (just to clarify though, the stereotype is bullshit and should NOT be perpetuated as much as it is, at least with intent. you guys with low alcohol tolerances are just as manly !! maybe you’re even more manly than those with high tolerance !! and women with high tolerances, you’re still very fem and very cool and valid as a woman and those who aren’t binary or aligning you are valid as your gender or as no gender no matter what tolerance you have <33)

caring about myself more. and i don’t mean in a “i’m gonna have a nice fucking bath and be happy about it” way i mean in a “i’m going to feed myself well, drink lots of water, get good exercise and be respectful to myself at the very least” way. and also in the bath way. baths are nice

collecting shit !! idk dude but having a collection of dumb shit just makes me feel so masc and good cause i swear to the stars nearly every dude i’ve met and stepped into the house of has a collection of SOMETHING whether it’s games, books, rocks, crystals, cookbooks and recipies or art supplies or whatever makes them happy. like legit fucking anything and i like collecting stuff too so its a bonus !!

just being nice. just being a nice dude makes me feel so manly

being silly and myself and doing dumb shit and being unapologetic about it (im still working on being able to do this since i struggle a lot but when i can it feels so good !!)

being stupidly loyal to something equally stupid /pos. like yes i have had this stuffed animal since the dawn of time no i will never get rid of her. she’s a genderfuck lesbian rainbow tiger from buildabear workshop who goes by the name of Roxy i will never get rid of her >:(. and so what my ring is so rusty it makes my skin green every three days ?? i clean it and take it off when it gets out of control back off bitch its mine. why are you so concerned about my shoes ????? fuck you i like them how they are (falling apart and dishevelled, the sole is halfway off already and it hasn’t been even remotely okay since three years ago) and they still fit and work so i’ll wear them until i literally cannot anymore. its so fun and it’s such a “just some guy” activity AND it makes my autism goblin feel safe and good too so its great would reccommend

just talking about stuff i like and that makes me feel good but not to anybody in particular. maybe in my notes, maybe on tumblr (like right now !! i’m doing this one right now !!) maybe on my personal dm to myself. it just makes me feel like a boy i love it PLUS i dont actually have to stress about humans on the other end of it so i feel way more confident and comfortable and as a result even MORE manly !!

ice cream on cones. i will not elaborate

travelling and exploring !! like legit anywhere. as long as i’m moving from one place to another and exploring the world i feel so happy and right and also masculine it’s great i love travelling so much. on holidays i enjoy the act of travelling even more than the holiday itself tbh

(to clarify i identify as male but a bit fucked in the gender - if you want a label i still identify as nonbinary but male aligningg <3)

[everybodyshusband]

"no one understands me like you do"

mushy may ; day sixteen !! (approx. 1.6k words)

read under the cut or on ao3 :)

(i'm still obsessed with @crimsonclergy's coffee shop au fic, thanks for asking :) and i haven't thanked crow in a while, so thank you @forlorn-crows for putting the mushy may prompt list together <3)

this one contains: they/them rain, hypermobile rain, hypermobile(?) dew, post-self harm dew, discussions of self-harm, hurt/comfort, australian mountain

Dew wanders around the cafe, rearranging the tables, collecting dirty cups and plates, and wiping empty tables down while there’s a lull in customers. Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say that he limps around the cafe. His leg hurts like a fucking bitch and he can’t wait until he can rest on his break; there’s nowhere to sit down while he’s working unless he’s sitting on the floor and restocking the lower shelves behind the counter.

Admittedly, giving in to the urge to cut himself right before his shift was probably not the smartest idea he’s ever had, but he’s proud to say that, somehow, it’s also not the dumbest. Every time he moves, he can feel the cuts stretching, and little trickles of blood run down his leg, smudging between his thigh and the inside of his jeans. He hasn’t covered or cleaned them properly, and he knows he’s going to be dealing with red, angry scabs on his thigh for at least a week because of it, but he didn’t have the time to look after the cuts properly. By the time he’d washed his blade and wiped the blood off of his thighs—and fucking carpet—where it had dripped down, he was already almost late for his shift.

Besides, even if he’d waited to do it at work, it’s not like there’s a place at the cafe he could have done it; the staff toilets have a faulty lock, and Dew’s lost count of the amount of times Rain has come barging in while he’s been in there. He’s not willing to risk the door banging open and Rain staring at him while he explains to them why he’s got the blade from a children’s pencil sharpener slicing through his skin.

“Are you… alright, Dew?” Rain’s voice startles him out of his thoughts, and he looks up from the table he’s wiping to see them staring at him in concern, the spoon in their hand frozen over the box of tea leaves. “You look like you’re limping.”

“Hmm? Oh,” Dew laughs. “Yeah, I’m okay. My, uh– My hip’s flaring up I think.” It’s a good lie. Believable, convincing.

Rain winces in sympathy, their knees do a similar thing to Dew’s hips; they deem it a good day if their knees only give out once or twice. “You need a heat pack?” They ask, raising their voice over the sound of the coffee machine boiling water. “I think I’ve got a wearable one with an adjustable strap in my bag, it might fit ‘round your waist.”

Dew’s touched by their concern, but—since his hip isn’t actually flaring up; small mercies, and all that jazz—he shakes his head. “I think I’ll be okay,” he assures them, “but I’ll let you know. Thanks, though.”

“No worries,” they smile, pouring the finished tea into a takeaway cup and sliding it across the counter. “This is Mountain’s, by the way.” Dew perks up at the mention of his partner’s name, placing the spray bottle down and walking—limping, wincing, whatever—over to the counter. “I know you’ll say no,” Rain starts, “but since you’re in pain, do you want me to walk it over?”

Dew smiles and shakes his head, swiping the cup off of the counter. “She’ll be right. His shop’s only next door.”

“She’ll be right?” Rain parrots in confusion.

“Picked it up from Mount,” Dew explains. “I dunno why he says it. Some kind of weird Australianism, maybe?”

“Christ, that man confuses me,” Rain mutters under their breath.

Dew snorts in agreement and begins making his way towards the door. Now that Rain can’t see his face, he winces openly, screwing his face up tightly with every step on his right leg. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Have fun,” Rain sing-songs.

“I will,” Dew replies in the same tone. The moment the door swings shut behind him though, and he’s out of Rain’s view, he sags against the wall and takes a deep shuddering breath. On the exhale, he pushes himself off the wall and wills himself not to cry as he walks the few metres to Mountain’s florist.

When he gets there, Mountain is ringing a customer through at the register, so Dew places the tea on the counter with a small nod in Mountain’s direction to make sure he actually sees the tea, and begins to walk out.

“Sorry, one moment,” he hears Mountain tell the customer “Dew! Wait a minute, will you?”

Dew nods and hobbles over and leans on the counter-slash-workbench to wait while the customer finishes paying for their flowers. It’s a lovely bouquet they’re buying; all bright reds, cheerful yellows and fiery oranges arranged neatly, but in a way that looks intentionally hap-hazardous—what with all the extra stems, leaves, and clusters of small white flowers trailing lazily out from in between the main flowers. It shouldn’t look nice, but it does, and Dew doesn’t know how Mountain does it.

It’s only when the bell above the door rings to signal the customer’s departure from the shop that Mountain speaks to Dew. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“What?” Dew furrows his eyebrows in confusion as he moves behind the counter to sit down. He’s never been more jealous of the fact that Mountain is allowed a chair behind the till.  “Nothing’s going on, everything’s fine.”

“You’re limping,” Mountain notes, pointing to Dew’s thigh.

“Y– yeah… My hip’s flaring up?” It comes out as more of a question than a statement, but Dew thinks his point still gets across well enough. 

“When your hip’s sore, you shuffle. You’re not shuffling, love. You’re limping.” Dew should be touched by the concern shining in Mountain’s eyes, as well as the fact that Mountain seems to understand him and his functions more than anyone else, but it only makes him feel bad. Mountain crouches down in front of the chair, placing a  hand delicately on Dew’s good leg. When he speaks, his voice is impossibly kind and gentle. “What’s going on, sundew?”

Dew tries to stop the flood of tears, really, he does, but once the dam is opened, there’s no going back. He falls into Mountain’s arms and starts crying in earnest, sobbing when his leg moves the wrong way and he feels his cuts all over again. “I’m sorry,” he sobs. “I’m really fucking sorry.”

“Hey, hey, no. You don’t have to apologise, love. This isn’t something you need to apologise for.” Dew barely hears him; just keeps forcing apologies from his lips as he cries into Mountain’s shoulder. “I’m going to go tell Rain that you’re having your break now, okay? Will you be fine here on your own? I’ll be as quick as I can.”

Dew sniffles and nods up at Mountain through the tears. “Yeah, I’ll– I’ll be fine,” he says through a watery smile.

Mountain leans down and presses a kiss to Dew’s forehead. “I’ll be back in a minute.” The door jingles on his way out, and through the window Dew can see Mountain locking it, in case anyone were to come in looking for flowers and find no one but a crying employee from the cafe next door.

True to his word, Mountain returns in about three minutes, a hot chocolate clutched in his hand. He hands it to Dew, who accepts it—with shaky hands and a whispered “thanks”—gratefully. He takes a sip and lets the warmth seep into his body, focussing on the way it blooms out from his throat and stomach into his limbs and chest. It’s a strangely calming feeling, which is probably why Mountain brought it for him, he supposes.

He lets Mountain pull him up and waits as his partner rearranges the chair’s positioning until it’s in a more convenient spot for him to still get work done. “I told Rain your hip got worse,” Mountain explains as he helps Dew back into the chair, careful to ensure his leg doesn’t twist awkwardly and makes the cuts worse. “They said you can be on break for as long as you need to, okay? They’ll cover for you.”

The warmth that spreads through Dew’s chest isn’t the hot chocolate’s doing. Rain is too good to him. Dew makes a mental note to cover every shift they need covering for until the end of time as a thanks. “Can I–“ Dew starts, tentatively. “Can I stay here? Just– Just for a bit, then I’ll get out of your hair,” he laughs; it’s not a happy sound.

“‘Course, love. That’s why I moved the chair. Stay for as long as you need to, yeah?”

Dew nods and takes another sip of his drink. “Yeah,” he says, softly.

“Now,” Mountain crouches down in front of him again, “I don’t have any customers in the shop right now, and I’m guessing you didn’t have enough time to take care of your cuts before work, right?”

“I was going to,” Dew protests, weakly. “But, I–”

“I’m not mad at you, sundew,” Mountain reassures him. “I’m just taking care of you.” Oh. Dew didn’t even think of that. “Right. I’m going to go find a clean cloth, and then we’ll get you all cleaned up. How does that sound?”

“Good, yeah.” Dew nods, moving to set his drink down in preparation of cleaning himself up.

“No, no,” Mountain says, pushing the drink back into Dew’s hands gently. “I’m gonna do the cleaning, if you’ll let me?”

Dew nods slowly, pulling the cup closer to himself. “You– You can do it. If you– If you want.”

“Good,” Mountain smiles. “Now, relax,” he orders, playfully. “Let me take care of you for a bit, sundew.”

[moonjxsung]

Thank you for your protection Star!!! 🥰🥰🤺🤺 Luckily, I was able to go to bed at ~4:20 AM and woke up at 10 so I still got a good amount of sleep, I just had to lay on my back so it applied pressure. I was still able to take my friend to the zoo today and OML THE FOXES AND FLAMINGOS WERE SO COOL! There were these leopards there and they looked SOO fluffy😭🥺I just wanted to hug them (even though they could and probably would “wabam!” me). We walked from 10:45-4 and got food there because my friend and I both made the wonderful idea to go there without eating🙄. Also, Star, I beg of you, please look up “New Orleans, Louisiana: Rougarou: Legendary Cajun Swamp Monster” and yes, the pictures that look like the person who made them was on 7 different types of crack cocaine, is the right one.😂😭

Revolving around your lovely compliment on my French (thank you very much 😘) I actually speak/am learning 9 languages lol.

I studied Linguistics for 2 years, took 4 years of Latin(yes the dead language😭), French and English since birth, Arabic for ~1 1/2 years (when I was younger), Korean for ~2-3 years, Mandarin for 1 year, Japanese for a few months, Thai for a few months as well, and I’ve just recently started Russian as that was the first language that got me started into learning languages and different cultures!😄 Because of course, 9 year old me hearing Russian for the first time was completely flabbergasted and amazed about how cool it sounded, haha! The only reason I procrastinated on learning is that since I’ve been growing up speaking French, I’m so used to the French r that I now can’t roll my r’s☹️. I actually have a friend who speaks Russian and he constantly makes fun of me for this but he can’t do the French r either so it’s equal teasing.😉

Sorry I rambled, haha 😅. Question, I don’t know if another anon has asked this or you’ve listed this somewhere else, so my apologies if you have, but if you could become immediately fluent in any language-writing, reading, speaking- which language would you choose? And what other languages do you speak other than English, if any? Lol, I think I’ve taken up enough of your time. Bye Star!! Have a lovely day/night *space hugs*!

-🌕🌊

YYYAYYYYYYYYY IM SO GLAD YOU GOT TO GO TO THE ZOO I FUCKING LOVE THE ZOO SO MUCH….. the last time I went to the zoo this baby duck got into the flamingo enclosure and a flamingo just straight up killed it in front of us and they had to evacuate the area IT WAS SOOOOO …..????😭😭

ALSO PLELWKWKDKDKDKKD RHE FICKRKRNN SWAMP MONSTER I LITERALLY LAUGHED OJT LOUD AT MY PHONE I AM CRHINGNTNGNGN ???? WHAT IS THAT 😭😭😭😭😭

Also…… 9 languages???? HOLY SHIT???? That’s INSANE oh my god I wish I could speak 9 languages!! Wait so do you still know Korean enough to be able to understand kpop songs and variety shows and all that? Or is it a limited amount? That is BEYONDDDD cool on my god you’re so smart that is so fucking WILDDDD

I love this question HMMMM I’d probably want to be fluent in either Japanese or in Arabic ! I want to visit Japan one day but I’m so insecure about not knowing any Japanese so I’d feel so much more comfortable traveling there if I could speak the language ☹️ and Arabic just because I see it everywhere and I’d love to understand it and be able to write in it, it’s such a beautiful language too and it’s very similar to other languages so I think it’d be really useful! As for languages I DO speak, I can fully understand Spanish but I don’t speak it only because my accent is fucking atrocious 😀 my mom is from Mexico and I grew up taking trips to Mexico and very close to my Mexican side but unfortunately the elementary school I went to didn’t allow us to speak in any language besides English so I lost a lot of my speaking abilities (but I can still read and write it!) My dad is from Iran but sadly I know zero Farsi and I’ve never visited or met my family from his side or anything and I just grew up in the states so I’m very westernized but I would also love to know Farsi and be able to speak to his family members on the phone or something 🫶 my parents didn’t even speak each other’s languages when they met and there was a huge language barrier but they were so in love they made it work LOL anyways I’m rambling too but those are my answers !!

THANK U FOR ASKING I love when u guys ask cutie little questions hehehe I love u so much pookie !! 💞💝💘💕💗💓💖🫶👼

[adultswim2021]

Metalocalypse #15: “Dethkids” | November 19, 2006 – 11:45PM | S01E16

Toki, the sweetie of the group, is feeling spurned because he has been constantly left out of the Dethklok Minute, a segment on an Entertainment Tonight style news-magazine show. He feels like his kid-friendly image (he is shown receiving a Nickelodeon Kids Choice style award, replete with slime) is causing him to be ignored. So he decides to become a scary demon. Unfortunately for him, he's getting pressured into participating in a Make-A-Wish style dying child's final wish to meet him. Toki doesn't want to have anything to do with the little snot and refuses.

Meanwhile, Nathan is tapped to record an audiobook of the complete works of Shakespeare, Pickles is struggling with alcoholism (in that the press doesn't believe he's actually as drunk as he claims to be, so he has to step it up), and Murderface is finally embarking on his side project Planet Piss. Nathan's bit is most memorable, in that I remembered it most clearly.

I can't talk about this one without talking about the ending so hopefully you're not stupid enough to read these without having seen the episodes, right?

Okay, so this has maybe one of my favorite endings of all time. The little dying girl comes to visit with Toki, who still refuses to meet with the kid. The band manager has Toki watch a DVD that the little girl prepared for him. It's genuinely a really sweet moment, the little girl performs a song and it gets through to Toki, whose heart grows three sizes that day. He rushes out to finally meet the little girl and SHE IS FUCKING DEAD, AND THE MUSIC GETS ALL SCARY AND SCREAMY AND IT CUTS BACK TO HER FACE AND HER EYES HAVE BEEN EATEN BY MAGGOTS AND YOU HEAR HER VOICE IN THE BACKGROUND GOING “I'M DEAD BECAUSE OF YOUUUUU!!!!” AHHH!!!!!

Somehow though, despite the over-the-top awfulness, this isn’t traumatically disturbing. It’s only extremely funny. There's a similar episode of Superjail where the little girl from the pilot winds up in the jail due to a mix-up. The inmates are protective of her, but she unfortunately dies, naturally, of cancer. Both shows trade in dark, violent, boundary-pushing humor. Both of these described episodes make you squirm in similar ways. But the thing with both episodes is I feel like it actually comes from a sensitive, vulnerable place. It actually acknowledges just how awful and tragic it would be to have a child die on you. It WALLOWS in it. That is why I consider this episode to be one of my favorite Metalocalypse episodes of all time. It still makes me laugh, HARD.

My only complaint: the ending of this one is so strong, EXCEPT for the pointless addition of Pickles during the final musical sequence. When Toki watches the little girl's DVD he sorta hallucinates a music video where Pickles eventually inexplicably shows up. The only logical explanation is that they felt like they needed more song for timing reasons and they cut something out they felt was weak and had to replace it with something? Also post-credits scene where Murderface is listening to his comically bad Planet Piss song really brings me down. I've seen this episode a LOT, and that closing bit always left a bad taste in my mouth. It's actually burned into my brain, that scene. The way the music sounds, it’s just Murderface screaming nonsense. It’s not even like, bad in a funny way. It’s just abrasiveness. They really should have ended on the high note of a little wheelchair girl with her eyeballs being eaten by bugs

[forabeatofadrum]

There’s nothing ironic about show choir (17/30)

AO3

–

Prompt: Match

–

SIMON

I almost fall of my chair when Baz enters the Ruta choir room.

Baz.

In the Ruta choir room.

Baz. Ruta. Do not compute.

He also stops in his tracks when he sees me. Madam Bellamy appears behind him and she coughs.

“Basil, please, you won’t burst into flames.”

“Welcome,” Miss Possibelf stands next to me, “Glad you could make it on such a short notice.”

“Miss, what is this?” I ask, perplexed.

“I’d like to know the same thing,” Baz sounds bored, but I think he might be spiralling as much as I am. What is happening?

“Basil, please sit down,” Miss Possibelf motions towards the free chair next to me. Baz hesitates.

“Boys, please,” Madam Bellamy reprimands.

Baz sits down, reluctantly. Our directors stands across from us. I have no clue what the fuck is going on.

“Boys,” Miss Possibelf says in a similar disapproving tone, “I think you know why you’re here. The two of you are giving both choirs a bad name.”

“He-”

“But I-”

“Silence!” Madam Bellamy bellows.

Both of us shut up at an instant.

“Uh, thank you Madam,” Miss Possibelf sounds a bit flustered, but she regains her composure and continues: “As I was saying, this is getting out of hand. The rivalry started all those years ago because we are each other’s competition. Only one of us can win Nationals, after all. But you two are taking it personally and it is impacting the choirs in a negative way.”

“Yes, we’ve had complaints from other members of both Rutaceae and Vitis,” Madam Bellamy adds, “So we’ve come up with a plan.”

“Don’t put me in Rutaceae!” Baz cries out.

“I can’t work with Vitis!” I add.

Both directors share an unimpressed look.

“You will not work with each other’s choirs. You will work with each other,” Madam Bellamy says.

Same difference, I think.

“As usual, both choirs will perform for the December Event, but we’re going to shake things up. You two will have to duet. Your voices are a great match and this will force you two to work together.”

“And what if I refuse?” I ask, eyeing Baz.

“Then I will have to strip you from your lead soloist position,” Miss Possibelf says coldly and my heart sinks as the thought of it.

“And Basil, if you refuse, your song will not be picked. It won’t even be considered,” Madam Bellamy adds.

Baz’s face hardens. I don’t know what song she’s referring to, but Baz is pissed.

“Any questions?” Madam Bellamy asks. I have so many, but I want to get the fuck out of here so we remain silent. The directors dismiss us and Baz bolts out of the room before Miss Possibelf’s finished her words.

Madam Bellamy sighs.

“Sorry for him, Maranda,” she says and follows.

“Miss-” I get out of my seat, but Miss Possibelf silences me with a glare.

Well. Fuck. I have to do this then.