#but also the only people who care have already read it all
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This is only true if you're one of those people who think that a DnD campaign where Orcs are the primary villain is some sort of coded message saying that being racist to black people is good, aka a fucking psychopath who is projecting their own bigotry onto fantasy media.
Literally the entire point of the Hearth's warming special with the Windigos and Zecora's introduction episode was "hey being racist is BAD!" Or more accurately mostly the first one since the second one is also a "Don't judge a book by its cover" aesop that also had smatterings of "racism is bad" with it thanks to Zecora being a Zebra. I can't fucking stand this notion of "If you ever had bigoted tendencies ever at all you're irredeemably evil and we will never, ever acknowledge the fact that you changed for the better."
That is some fucking Lily Orchard tier "Straight up lying about the show", there's like FOUR episodes out of Nine seasons!
I'll concede that the buffalo thing wasn't the best thought out idea, but you're talking about a tv show meant for seven year olds and the moral of the episode is "Learn to compromise", you are out of your goddamn mind if you think they're going to touch on things like the Trail of Tears, let alone do it in a fantasy world where you can just say that shit didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure the actual thing they said was "G5 being a distant sequel where the ponies are racist to each other like the Hearths Warming Origin episode completely undermines everything Twilight and co did through the show", but hey acknowledging that means you can't make the show look bad or the fandom look irrational for no reason, and God knows we can't have that!
Oh wow the main protagonists aren't perfect people, I thought that's what you fucking yahoos wanted.
Also didn't Yona give up trying to act like a pony and the ponies gave up on trying to make her act like one too?
Again, real "Orcs are totally black people you guys" vibes
Dragon culture was made up of Fratboy douchebags who tormented each other and other races for fun, to the point where they tried to get Spike to smash Phoenix eggs for shits and giggles. Another dragon straight up tried to KILL SPIKE just for entering his cave.
The Griffons were rude assholes who only cared about themselves and money.
My memory is hazy but I wouldn't blame anyone for not being super stoked about Yak culture since the most I remember of the Yaks outside of Yona is "Screaming loudly and breaking everything in sight."
And I swear to God if you use THE CHANGELINGS as an excuse to slander the ponies you are a complete goddamn idiot. Their first introduction on the show is them INVADING A CITY and attempting to harvest the population for love! Which is exactly what they did in their next appearance to Ponyville! Yes, Thorax exists! Yes, they all eventually did a face turn and Chrysalis left because she's a bitch! That's great! That's wonderful! But that doesn't change the fact that Thorax's whole challenge was proving to the ponies that he wanted to peacefully coexist! The ponies not trusting him were obviously in the wrong to do so, BUT THEY HAD GOOD FUCKING REASON TO NOT IMMEDIATELY TRUST HIM.
If you're going to give the mane six shit for thinking the Zebra they've never seen before who hangs out in THE DANGEROUS FOREST OF MAGICAL PLANTS AND ANIMALS THAT CAN KILL YOU could MAYBE be dangerous, but act like the Changelings did nothing wrong, you need to sort out your priorities!
The Seaponies/Hippogriffs were the only culture aside from maybe the Zebras (who we didn't see until the season 10 comics which I haven't read so idk) and I guess the Kirin (who had like one problem that one of their own already understood how to solve anyway) that you could say "nah they don't need to learn friendship from the ponies." And see the buffalo thing above for "These aren't missionaries you fucking morons, this is a little girl show about friendship."
Yeah! And the board were the ANTAGONISTS! The main villain of the season was the head of the Board's DAUGHTER who worked with the closest thing the show had to SATAN to try and sabotage it! Again, why the fuck are you guys acting like Calvinists?
They fucking didn't, you should know better than to blindly trust tumblr users on anything.
i'm gonna be honest i don't get why they say everypony instead of everybody in mlp. it's not like the word everybody is human-specific. the ponies have bodies. the word everypony, however, is pony-specific in a world where ponies are not the only people in their society, which means it would be more accurate and inclusive to use everybody instead of everypony. it all makes no sense to me
#Discourse#Disc horse#MLP#MLPFiM#MLP:FiM#My little pony#My little pony friendship is magic#My little Pony: Friendship is Magic#And it's not on this chain#but some other asshole said#'WoW i CaN sEe WhY rIgHtWiNgErS lIkEd tHe ShOw'#which#yeah man you nailed it totally#the show itself attracted them#it had absolutely nothing to do with a bunch of insane psychopaths like you#who wanted to be just#raging cunts#nonstop#to a group of dudes who did nothing but watch a show and form a fandom around it#and also do it under the justification of nonstop bullshit leftist jargon#about how men are all evil rapists and they're stealing a show from little girls like that's not the thing a schizo would say /s#Yeah no fucking wonder tumblr users made this post#13 years later and you people STILL FUCKING REFUSE TO ADMIT FAULT FOR ANYTHING#YOU DID THAT#*YOU* DROVE THE FANDOM RIGHT WING#THAT WAS LITERALLY *ALL YOU*#Because at the end of the day Leftists are nothing but hypocrites who are like if people took Fundamentalists seriously#long post
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get to know college!student!reader
college!student!reader who is naturally smart, and loves studying, it can get a little too much because she hates to get less than a B in her classes, in high school she got a C once and almost cried her eyes out (no one knows about this) she’s not a party girl, she’s more into staying in watching a movie with her friends, baking and if she’s alone reading a book. baking usually is like a coping mechanism that shows up around finals and midterms because it becomes stress baking, but sometimes she does it for fun or to have a nice little detail for someone she cares about.
college!student!reader who is very kind, just don’t provoke her, hates confrontations but always sets her limits. her anxiety and overthinking can get the best of her, her friends know that and always reassure her when she’s having a bad day which is not that often but when it hits it hits hard. she has a hard time asking for help unless it’s her best friend from high school who sadly doesn’t go to the same college as her or kelce since they know each other since they were practically kids. she tends to cry when stressed, angry or when she’s exhausted and drained.
college!student!reader who loves taylor swift and everything that anyone could classify as basic but she loves it, picking flowers, reading romance books, watching 90s and early 2000s shows. passionate for art and music, loves to go on walks while listening to music, you can catch her going to museums on her own, usually very independent but loves to spend time with her friends and people she loves, quality time is her number one love language and physical touch is the second even if she doesn’t like to admit it. who barely understands sports but when her friends invite her to football or basketball games, she goes to spend time with them and because they always go out for food afterward.
college!student!reader who is an only child which has allowed her to have a good relationship with her parents, her high school best friend is like her sister, she loves her friends and respects them a lot. she’s really hard on herself, even if she knows she has people who will be there for her no matter what sometimes she shuts down and doesn’t speak to anyone about what she’s going through, shields herself with reading, and externalizes her emotions on playlists or listening one song on a loop as longs as it fits to how she’s feeling.
college!student!reader who loves to take pictures of everything and share them on her social media, it’s like her digital diary. her major suits her for that reason, digital marketing with a minor in graphic design, to in her words “make everything look pretty”. who is bilingual, her mom taught her Spanish since she was little and she uses it a lot when talking to her family and some friends. who is also very sarcastic, always has a smile on her face and most of the time she won’t verbally say stuff but her face sure will let you know everything before she even thinks about saying it.
authors note: thank you so much for all the love this fic is already receiving!! college!student!reader (aka Avery) is very dear to my heart, she has a lot of bits and pieces that I took from my life and put them into who she is. I hope you guys like her and get more excited to read about her.
taglist: @zyafics @maybankslover @niaunoffical @marleymarleymarleymarley @rafesbabygirlx @akobx if you want to be added send an ask or comment! :)
REBLOGS, COMMENTS AND LIKES ARE ALWAYS WELCOMED
INTHELIBRARYBTW ✧.*
#inthelibrarywrites#YWMTP?#introduction#college!student!reader#rafe cameron x reader#college au#rafe cameron#rafe x reader#rafe fluff#rafe cameron fluff#rafe fic
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i wanted to rant about simon.
what do you think so far like what are your actual headcanons for the canon simon vs this simon from this series?
my feelings about the actual simon is quite vague. i've read far more fanfictions than bothering with the actual material so my picture of his is not really...constant? idk
but with this simon, he scares me. just to think about people that can engage in such romantic and sensual acts with little to no feeling involved.
or the mc's father. her dad makes me feel such an anger and injustice that i don't know how to express it and i know we probably won't get a satisfying update on him.
you don't like your wife fine i could understand the distance between them, but how can somebody forget their child no matter if they share the same blood or not, after all the time he raised her
leaving all that behind just to start a whole new life. how can that not eat somebody alive
OHH this is actually a good question. honestly for me, simon is probably one of the hardest character to write about because he doesn't give away too much. too calm. too know-it-all.
we're just gonna talk about the romance aspects!
but based on my head-canon of the canon simon, he has those younger years where he avoids romance, but not this actively and aggressively. it's more because he has too much on his plate (anger management issues, PTSD, depression) than because he think he's not good enough for some happiness (but he also doesn't expect/hope for it.)
canon younger (probably 6-7 years after he killed Roba) Simon lives his life without the need for things to turn out in certain ways. as he gets older (yes, the 2022/2023 ghost) and better mentally, he's become a little more open to the idea, though.
he's still not actively seeking romance, settling on one-nightstands and things that don't require any strings attached. however, he's not completely closed off to the idea too. if he has someone he likes AND TRUST (this is already a high wall to get over), he might act on it. but again, not really actively pursuing it and knows he doesn't need it.
and this might come as a surprise, but he's actually the biggest flirt out there—well, at least when it's only the two of you. when in front of his taskforce, he goes back to acting like he's the calm, collected, cool, stoic, scary lieutenant that everyone knows. can't have you ruin his reputation, right?
"it's private but not secret," with him. though it's not loud PDA, sometimes he lets his hands linger in places like your waist, your hips, shoulders. his love language is act of service, gift giving, physical touch—he makes sure to always appreciate you with compliments and love affirmations, but he's never really a man who's big on words.
WHILE THIS SIMON, hmmm.. he's a bit more complicated. and a mess. at some point, you can think of him as the younger version of canon simon we just talked about to simplify it, but even that's not really accurate considering the different ways they handle "all that sappy stuff" (as simon would say). this one actively and AGGRESIVELY avoids romance.
and while they both (my ver. of canon simon and this simon) sort to flings and one-nightstands, the canon simon is more careful and actually follows the boundaries he draws himself. while this simon outlines the boundaries, follows his rules until an interesting bird enters his orbit, violates them, and destroys them himself before he goes around saying "you read that wrong, darling."
NOW, ABOUT THE FATHER. . .
RIGHT! in my opinion, it's better for them to get a divorce actually and Dad still plays a role in MC's life rather than just leaving her. like, i know it'll still hurt the MC but, at least she can still have both of her parents even though in different houses! at least she doesn't have to feel neglected in her childhood.
okay, you hate someone you thought you would love forever, but abandoning your child? whose very existence was created because of you? talk about the Dad will come up in the sequel. hell, he'll even make an appearance with his two ballet loving new daughters. imagine how MC will feel.
sadly, this happens a lot in real life. fathers leaving and starting a new life without thinking about his "old" family. how people shame single mothers but never the absent fathers. people shame many women who have "daddy issues" or call them "fatherless" yet never call out men's incapability of being a real, PRESENT father.
#𐙚 — a man's heart is truly a wretched wretched thing#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley angst#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x oc#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley fanfiction#simon ghost riley fanfic#simon ghost riley fluff#simon riley x fem reader#simon riley x female reader#female reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley angst#simon riley fluff#cod men x reader#cod men x you#reader insert#cod reader insert#cod fic#cod fanfiction#call of duty#call of duty fanfiction#call of duty ghost#ghost x reader#ghost x you#ghost x y/n#simon riley x y/n#simon ghost riley x y/n
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Oooh tell me how what you find interesting about the “I don’t know how you survived this long” line from Peeta. Now that I think about it’s so interesting to me that Peeta thinks lying is a necessity for surviving, and actually says a lot about how he was raised?
Ooo thank you for the ask @mage-chocolate!!
"You're such a bad liar, Katniss. I don't know how you've survived this long." He begins to mimic me. "I knew that goat would be a little gold mine. You're a little cooler though. Of course, I'm not going." He shakes his head. "Never gamble at cards. You'll lose your last coin," he says.
Three different levels here: Living in Panem in general, surviving the Games, Peeta’s home life (this is more HC stuff)
In Panem
You’d expect Katniss would need to be a good liar with all her illegal activities, but fortunately she’s recognized this and has found other ways to stay out of trouble:
When I was younger, I scared my mother to death, the things I would blurt out about District 12, about the people who rule our country, Panem, from the far-off city called the Capitol. Eventually I understood this would only lead us to more trouble. So I learned to hold my tongue and to turn my features into an indifferent mask so that no one could ever read my thoughts. Do my work quietly in school. Make only polite small talk in the public mar-ket. Discuss little more than trades in the Hob, which is the black market where I make most of my money. Even at home, where I am less pleasant, I avoid discussing tricky topics. Like the reaping, or food shortages, or the Hunger Games. Prim might begin to repeat my words and then where would we be?
Not to mention, she says the peacekeepers are among her best customers (don’t execute bite the hand that feeds.)
In the games
Let me start with a kudos to @cutpaperbleedswater for their point from this ask
The idea of putting on a facade and pretending to be something for the sake of strategy is everywhere- from Katniss slipping her mask of indifference on and not crying as soon as she volunteers to her interview prep struggles:
"All right, enough," he says. "We've got to find another angle. Not only are you hostile, I don't know anything about you. I've asked you fifty questions and still have no sense of your life, your family, what you care about. They want to know about you, Katniss."
"But I don't want them to! They're already taking my future! They can't have the things that mattered to me in the past!" I say.
"Then lie! Make something up!" says Haymitch.
"I'm not good at lying," I say.
"Well, you better learn fast. You've got about as much charm as a dead slug," says Haymitch.
…
By the end of the session, I am no one at all. Haymitch started drinking somewhere around witty, and a nasty edge has crept into his voice. "I give up, sweetheart. Just answer the questions and try not to let the audience see how openly you despise them."
I’m also thinking about Katniss hiding her tears over Thresh’s death because it won’t play well for sponsors.
In Peeta’s home life
We know Peeta’s mother physically and verbally assaults him at least once in the past and it’s suggested it wasn’t a one-off occurrence.
So moving into the stuff of HCs: I imagine that Mrs. Mellark is sort of unpredictable - that she can be loving and charming (Peeta’s charm comes from somewhere and Mr. Mellark is often described as quiet), but she can also turn on a dime. And as a result the family walks on egg shells and Peeta, from a young age becomes accurately perceptive of moods (and then by extension others’), and learns to anticipate reactions and lie convincingly - skills he applies beyond just his home life.
#thank you for the ask!!#mage-chocolate#ask#Peeta mellark#tw abuse#tw child abuse#canon abuse mentioned
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A little side note: I read this on my computer, saved it as a draft so I could edit it my phone and add emojis to react to some things that I couldn't put into words but I think the draft is too long and it doesn't open in my phone, so this will be emojiless :(
‘’Unfortunately, while you’re apart, the Joker makes things even more complicated with a phone call and a gun. And your world comes crashing down before you can even put names to all the stars in your sky.’’ okay time to get tissues for my future tears before I start
‘’in this version, Rose and Jason never get together’’ THANK YOUUUUU!!! sorry but I’m so relieved sksksksks I’m just very glad things don’t get complicated adding Rose in the middle considering how close these two were
‘’mentions of Jason and the reader sharing a dark sense of humor to cope with their traumas’’ my kind of people
STARTING HARD ALREADY, PHEWWWW
‘’He would make jokes about ‘shutting you up’ by keeping his dick in your mouth, and you never wanted him to get too cocky about having this.’’ Me with the first half: -.- Me with the second half: :)
‘’Naturally, the room was filled with nothing but the sounds of you gurgling on his cock and the moans that he could barely contain due to the deadly heat of you eagerly swallowing his dick’’ *meanwhile the rest of the group*: ‘’oh no they’re at it again’’
‘’It was a move much more tender than he would have ever made before’’ progress!!!
‘’This Jason put his arm around you in a room full of people, not caring who looked on.’’ OH *imagine my eyes full of tears with a little smile*
Can I just say that I love how detailed this is? I love it!<3
‘’loving the absolutely lust-sick look on his face as you did this.’’ AAAAAAAAAAA if only I could see it
‘’It was a smooth, steady motion - a joining of two people that came from silent, delicate knowing and trust’’ manifesting this into existence
‘’Staring right into your eyes, no shying away, no backing down. As if inviting you to a more intimate part of him that you had somehow never seen’’ IT’S HAPPENING AAAAAA
‘’there was that thing deep in your gut that yearned for him to pull out and peel the condom off so that you could feel every single raw inch of him - but you told yourself you were smarter than that. You should be.’’ You better be! (meanwhile I would do the same sjsksksj)
‘’holding you like you were something precious. It was so unlike every other time he had fucked you - when all of his touches were about grabbing, consuming you, holding you like you were an object to be taken and owned by him in those moments.’’ !!!!
‘’But this was so different. Especially for you and Jason’’ enjoying this new way but also loving the old one
“Don’t flatter yourself.” You whispered back, fishing for some of that old banter - the humor that had founded your entire ‘relationship’ with Jason. ‘’ PLEASE THE BANTER MUST NEVER GO AWAY
‘’He resisted the urge to get sappy, to say ‘I meant you, you’re perfect’.’’ SHUT UPPP
OOOOOOH THIS NEW POSITION
‘’He sucked slightly, leaving marks, being entirely selfish in his claiming of you’’ I’m not complaining ksksksk
‘’It was his silent way of begging you not to double back, not to realize what a mistake you had made. ‘’ mhm..
‘’With his face buried in your neck, kissing you, breathing in your scent - it was almost tender.‘’ I’m speechless with this masterpiece
‘’You didn’t want to scare this part of him away. ‘’ :(
‘’You would be horrified if that tricky piece of latex got lost inside of you and you had to tell someone else in the Tower why you had to go to the ER to get it out.’’ SKSJSKSSJKSJS
‘’Dick had you guys locked up in the Tower, constantly breathing down your necks - that was one of the reasons why you even turned to Jason for sex at all. He was right there. He was available. He was decent looking.’’ Well asajshjshsjj
‘’that had you even more adamant about the condoms, because you didn’t know where he had… been. ‘’ KSJSAKSJAKS
‘’And then when Rose first came around, you saw the way she looked at him.’’ D:
‘’They don’t fuck other people because they’re in love. ‘’ *intense staring*
‘’and him giving that small bit of physical affection to Jason was about as good as an outright apology, telling him how much of a mistake it was to send him away in the first place.‘’ ugh
‘’You knew that Jason from a few weeks ago would have jumped at the chance to go back to Gotham, to resume his duties as Robin. ‘’ oh my boy
“The Tower was just supposed to be a temporary stop-over, right?” well yeah
‘’Gotham needs Robin.” :/
‘’One of the main reasons he took up the mantle of Robin, taking on someone else’s costume and name, rather than creating his own - was because he knew that lots of lost kids looked up to Robin. When he was a young kid, growing up in the shittest parts of Gotham, he admired Robin. He had been truly thrilled to meet Dick for the first time because, in a world where he was starving and alone and none of the adults in his life cared - Robin was his hero. Someone (seemingly) not much older than himself, who donned a cape, didn’t have any superpowers or magic, and got to stand alongside the Bat himself, fighting for justice. A voice for the voiceless. A fist for the powerless’’ pls i want to hug him
“But… but what about us?” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
‘’He said it so fondly, like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to think of you and him as a pair. ‘’ CRYING EMOJI x6
THE ‘’ Say it and I’m yours for the rest of your life.’’’ TO THE ‘’ How much I fucking love you? How I can’t leave here now because I can’t leave you? How I would quit being Robin if it meant getting to be with you?’’ HAS ME SCREAMING
“The Tower was supposed to be a stop-over. At first. (…) But then… we… happened.” It doesn’t matter from which part of the world you’re reading this, if you focus enough I bet you can hear me screaming
‘’Was it the two of you finding your life-long soulmates and being too traumatized and stubborn and stupid to actually acknowledge it? ‘’ YES
‘’Jason’s face cracked with a flutter of disappointment and sadness’’ NOOOO BABY
‘’When he had found out how similar the two of you were, he found his soul more and more drawn to yours.’’
‘’Jason called it luck because it was that incident that led you on the path to meeting him. ‘’ HE’S SO IN LOVE
‘’Of course Dickhead was being righteous about his moral code. ‘’ JSSKJSKSJ
“Do you want me to go with you?” PLEASEEEE
‘’Jason had no clue why it was his first instinct to offer this. But it felt right. It felt instinctive to attempt to comfort you these days, rather than combating you or coming up with some annoying, clever comeback. ‘’ AAAAAAAAAA I’M CRYING
“You also have a habit of running toward situations that don’t benefit you.” I mean.. he’s not wrong
“He keeps a trophy room full of stuff from every criminal he’s ever taken down (…) It’s his own form of weird, fucked-up sentiment.” (?
‘’Will I ever see you again?’ He wanted to ask.’’ aaaAAAAAAA
‘’Jason couldn’t imagine not having you around.’’ i could cry again
“I could come to Gotham.” YESSSSSS
“I guess I could come see that stupid cave you’re always talking about.” SKSJSJSS
“Come back afterwards.” He replied, clearly hoping for more cuddles - or more sex. ‘’ OKAY SKSKSSKSK
“So… I guess this is goodbye?” NO
‘’If you had known that was going to be the last time you kissed him, you would have savored it more. ‘’ SHUT UP
‘’Or the shocking delightful kind of cold like when you played a prank on him, running your super-powered icy fingers up his back just to get a rise out of him.’’ SJSKSKS
‘’His arms were pinned behind his back and bound at the wrists –‘’ WHAT ALREADY NONONO
‘’His throat became dry and he held back a whimper of fright when he saw that the limp body on the floor was you.’’ IT’S A NIGHTMARE
‘’something that caused him to fall in love with you.’’ AAAAAAAAAAA
‘’But he had never seen you afraid’’ :(
‘’Why should it be Jason’s choice to trade one life for another? ‘’ *staring*
‘'And even if he did - he wasn’t going to give up Dick. He had a strange sense of loyalty to the person who had shit on him and failed to help him time and time again. ‘’ ah :(
‘’Jason grabbed you up in his arms, hoisting you onto his lap. (…) He hated the contrast of your cold flesh and the heat of the blood rushing out of you and quickly covering him.’’ Uf
‘’he was in his bedroom in Gotham.’’ :/
‘’He wanted to blame it on your lack of presence in his bed, or the fact that Bruce had practically banned him from training, now that he was benched from being Robin’’ too many things
‘’Bootycall Temporarily Unavailable’’ KSKSKDDJD
‘’The two of you often changed each other’s names in your contacts as a joke.’’ Aw cuties
‘‘Robin’s Ice Machine’’ KSSJSJSSJSSJ
‘’He had sent you a simple ‘u up?’ around three o’clock in the morning, being sleepless and horny, and you had replied ‘don’t come in here with that fuckboy attitude unless you’re bringing snacks’. ‘’ AJAKAJSKAJS
‘’I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you.’’ SO CLOSE
‘’He heaved a sigh, deleted the message’’ NOOOOOO
‘’then considered texting Gar to ask where you actually were’’ pls
‘’When Jason went back to Gotham, Bruce made him go to therapy.’’ We’re getting there *crying*
‘’He genuinely thought that her only job was to dig around for his secrets - any signs of his weakness, and report them back to Bruce.’’ I feel him
“Mother.” Leslie said, posing the first word.
“Fucker.” Jason said upon instinct, doing what he did best - deflecting from being too vulnerable by using crude humor. ‘’ KSSSJSSKSKSKSKSSKS
‘’She was one of the only adults in his life that he had ever felt bad for disappointing. Not because she put too many expectations on him - but because she didn’t. Because she expected pretty much nothing of him, and he wanted to show her that he could be great.’’ :/
‘’Jason appreciated it - nobody had ever given him the chance to ‘try again’. Not even you. But he was glad about that. When you mocked him for his mistakes or called him out on his bullshit, it made him want to try harder. You were the only person in the world that he found himself actively trying for.’’ AAAAA
‘’practicing the honesty that you had forced him to find within himself, Jason tried a more honest approach to Leslie’s word game.’’ Okay
‘’Bruce was the closest thing to a father that he ever had. And Jason knew that he was a bad son, constantly disappointing him - constantly failing to live up to the giant shadow that Dick had left behind.’’ NOOO I need to hug him please
“Safe.” She announced the next word.
“Y/N.” He said your name without hesitation.’’ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!
‘’She knew that someone like Jason hadn’t grown up feeling safe, and she was curious why the concept of safety came to him now as a person’s name - and why he seemed so conflicted about it, about someone he had never even mentioned before’’ HEHEHEHE
‘’Leslie didn’t presume to know Jason’s sexuality, or the gender of his special person (and she wouldn’t judge him, no matter what he said)’’ nice!
‘’A friend that he sometimes fucks? Should he even call you a friend? You had tried to save his life, but before that, the two of you had never really been friendly.’’ KSKSSKS
‘’it meant that you cared.’’ *eyes with tears and a smile*
‘’They know me - they - they’ve seen all the worst parts of me, and… somehow, they don’t care. Y/N saw me at my worst and didn’t run.” Making use of the tissues I got right now
“So - you find safety in not being judged? In… being allowed to be messy?”
“Yeah.” Jason nodded.
“Well, that’s perfectly normal.” She told him.
Jason found an odd sense of relief in this. There wasn’t a lot that was normal in his life‘’ aw I’m happy
‘’Jason resisted the urge to speak up and say that you and him were definitely in the ‘something more’ category, but he didn’t want to jinx it. Not when it was yet to be official.‘’ SSKSSKS okay
‘’are founded on the truth. Founded on two people coming together because they find safety in being allowed to be their most authentic self with the other person. Feeling that they can make mistakes without being judged.” She explained this to him gently, and Jason couldn’t stop thinking about you. “So if you have that with someone, you should embrace it. Embrace that feeling of safety.” AAAAAAAAA
‘’Maybe it was something he wanted even more badly than becoming Robin again. ‘’ ah
‘’Jason knew that he wanted to be loved, even at his worst. But he thought that even you weren’t capable of that. Nobody was. ‘’ WE DO
“Next word.” Leslie looked back down at her list. “Fear.”
Jason didn’t take long with that one either.
“Y/N.”
Leslie looked utterly confused at this one.’’ KSKSSKSKS OKAY I FEEL BAD FOR LESLIE SKSKSKS
‘’It was this mindset that brought him to visiting Crane in prison. He worked hard to reverse manufacture the Fear Gas, wanting to be brave for you - not knowing that it would ultimately be his downfall. ‘’ NOOOOOOOOO HERE IT COMES
‘’It was the type of wealth you had encountered very sparsely in your life. Initially, you had only met that type of rich person for the first time when you had met Dick - someone who drove a vintage Ashton Martin and said it was a ‘family heirloom’, yet thought nothing of trading it in for a minivan on a whim. ‘’ KSKSKSK
‘’You felt awkward accepting something that you hadn’t worked for.’’ :/
How reader felt when she first came to the tower :(
‘’she often mocked you for being so ‘obsessed’ with that ‘brick’ in your pocket’’ sksksksk
Reader constantly checking their phone for Jason’s crumbs
‘’she would rather spend her last days ‘in grace and dignity’ than to be balding and ‘out of her mind’ - so she didn’t accept the only potentially helpful chemo treatment that was offered to her. ‘’ I can understand that
‘’she was going to perform some voodoo ritual on you in order to use your young, healthy body to keep living her life’’ kssjksksks
‘’then you would consider it a much needed vacation.’’ Vacation abruptly interrumpted by a call about Jason..
‘’After the incident where he had free fallen from the building to his near death, he had changed his contact name in your phone to ‘The Flightless Bird’ - a terrible bit of dark humor. You loved it, and you had kept it since then.’’ JAJHSJAJSJJAKAJAJ
‘‘Cold Hands, Hot Ass’’ PFFF
‘’As much as you loved his cock, you thought about how weird it would be trying to get off in your grandmother’s house and Jason was so damn persistent and so damn tempting. ‘’ KSAJSKAJ
‘’I miss you like hell.’ ‘’ AAAAAAAAAA
‘’Dealing with homicidal psychos in costumes and you nagging me for a dick appointment. You on the Gotham tourism board?’’
‘' First stop on the tour - my bed. Second stop - night patrol. We spend a few hours kicking ass together. Which leads into our third stop - Little Tony’s downtown for some pizza’’ Im in
‘’perhaps slightly out of jealousy because he actually got the importance of a title and a suit and you didn’t yet have either.’’ NOOO WAIT YOU WILL HAVE ONE
NOOOOOOOOOOO DON’T DELETE THE MESSAGE
Ohhhh they don’t know yet…
‘’the biggest Robin fan you knew (Gar)’’ SKSKSS
‘’in a sense, he did. That he had begged you to let him go because he hadn’t thought that he was worth saving.’’ :/
‘’For once, this was something that Bruce had done that actually gave you hope for Jason’s future. ‘’ okay..
‘’The typing bubbles appeared at the top of the screen a few times and then disappeared, indicating that Jason had read your message and was unsure about what to say in reply’’ that awkward feeling..
‘’I know that you’re kind of fucked up - but so am I. And I don’t want to spend my time around anyone else because your kind of fucked up matches my fucked up really perfectly, and nobody else understands me like you do.’’ Okay that was a perfect answer
‘’It was something that a version of yourself from a few months ago would have done without hesitation, but you absolutely knew that things between you and Jason had changed. Hopefully, for the better. ‘’ :D
‘’I don’t think my place is with Bruce anymore.’’ AAAAA
‘’he had the ‘choice’ of being homeless or becoming Robin.’’ *SIGHS*
‘‘I got to be away from Bruce. I got some distance from the way he made me think about myself - about Robin. I used to think that I was nothing without him. That I was just some bullshit street kid nobody and him picking me up and making me Robin was what MADE me something.’’ Imagining isn’t enough, I need to cross the screen to hug him
‘’you’re the one who helped me realize that I am something without him. That I can be great - even without Robin.’’ PLEASE
‘’a part of you thought that you weren’t good for Jason. That you were just another nagging force in his life, another negativity. Then - you thought that you were just something he used to fill the time, to distract from the mental noise, as you did with him. And even then, as you realized that you needed him in other ways, and you might be coming to love him - you thought that he would never feel the same about you’’ AAAAAAAAAAAA
‘’The Flightless Bird: ‘Too much?’’’ I snorted
HE’S BEEN LOOKING FOR APARTMENTS
‘’Your stomach curled with warmth at the thought of you and Jason living together, and this time not because of some half-baked superhero team. But by choice.’’ PLEASE I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT
‘’Oh, living with rich grandmama has you getting used to the fancy pants lifestyle now? Shall I start looking at mansions with 500 acres and golden swimming pools?’’ SJSJSJ
‘’You’re the only person I know who grew up more poor than I did.’’
‘The correct tense is: poorer.’’
‘‘Yet you could afford grammar lessons? Damn.’’ I’M LAUGHING SO MUCH WITH THE WAY THAT TALK HAS TURNED INTO
‘‘Grandmama will probably have it steam cleaned when you leave. To get the street rat smell out.’ (…) ‘Anyway, do you like the apartment or not?’’ KASKAJAJAJ
‘’But - I thought me and you could help keep it safer.’’ MY HEART
‘’You resisted the urge to correct his grammar again, wanting to tell him the tense was ‘you and I’.’’ THE WAY I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SKSKSKS
‘’You had no clue what stupid love bug had bitten you - but you were seriously agreeing to go view an apartment with Jason Todd. And you were more excited than anything else.’’ My hear is so warm now and I know I’m going to get my heart broken in a few paragraphs
‘’For the first time in your entire life, you felt giddy and optimistic for the future. ‘’ awwww
‘’On the other end, Jason pumped an arm and cheered quietly to himself,’’ MY BOYYY
‘’This was just the start of your life together. In his mind, this was just the first of many plans. ‘’ THEY’RE SO IN LOVE
‘’You didn’t want to tell him that you were getting attached to your grandmother, and you didn’t want to leave her yet. You thought he might mock you for developing those vulnerable familial attachments too quickly. And he would have been right’’ hehehe
‘’You sent it to him and received back several heart emojis.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Gorgeous as always, babe.’
Right then, Jason made that picture into his lockscreen.’’ AAAAAAAAAAAAAA A MAN
BUT I GUESS YOU’RE MINE????? AAAAAAAAAA
I knew her grandma would interrupt at some point, but why now? Crying
‘’Besides, I have heard they can give you cancer.”
You let out a snort of laughter. At least it was nice to know where your sense of dark humor came from.’’ SSJSJSJ
‘’the Joker never made himself that obvious unless he wanted to get caught.’’ WE’RE GETTING TO THIS PART ALREADY NONONONO
And we don’t know what his reaction was to the last message, I’m gonna cry
‘’But it just made his senses dull and useless to everything around him. It made him less aware of his surroundings, it blurred out all his fight or flight that nature intended.’’ AAAAAAA NOOO
‘’Bruce tried to give him distance. Without Alfred around to keep an eye on him, nobody reported Jason missing. Nobody even noticed that he was gone. ‘’ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS TOO MUCH
‘’When Jason stopped answering your texts, you got a horrible feeling in your gut. ‘’ AAAAAAAAA THANK YOU
But they can’t tell they’re worried about him because they’re nothing official, crying again
‘’Maybe he had met someone else.‘’ reader spiraling, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry
‘’He spent the interim torturing Jason in increasingly creative ways.’’ Oh no
‘’But he had a feeling that the Joker wasn’t going to let him out of this. ‘’ shhhhh
‘’The Joker clapped his hands together above Jason’s head, loudly. Jason hated that he flinched.’’ Seeing Jason like this is breaking my heart
‘’He should never have made that picture of you into his lockscreen, you were too important, he had put you in danger’’ *crying emoji*
‘’Jason was beaten, dying because of the consequences of his own stupid actions, and you were worried. ‘’ PAINNN
‘’Bruce had gotten him when he had come back to Gotham. A bid to buy his affection’’ D:
‘’Also, sitting with your feet curled underneath you at the dining table caused her glare at you - a lot. ‘’ I feel called out
‘’But you supposed that those deathbed regrets ran deep and she preferred to spend this time with you actually embracing you instead of arguing with you and potentially driving you away.’’ OH GOOD
‘’Everything your grandmother was going for you, it made you feel like you truly mattered for the first time in your young life. ‘’ okay, her grandma it’s not that bad
‘’You wished more than anything that Jason was there with you. Not only would he pull you aside and relentlessly laugh at these plastic-y women with you, but you knew that he would be able to save you from this. He did have a bit more experience being around rich people because of Bruce, and he would actually be able to tell you what the hell they were saying’’ :(
‘’It was a picture of him sticking his tongue out that you had taken using the front facing camera when he had been annoying you over your shoulder one day’’ they’re so cute
‘’You were beginning not to care if he broke your heart. At this point, you were just along for the ride’’ this would be so nice if we didn’t know where this is going
‘’It hadn’t even occurred to you that you had given up Jason’s secret identity - the name behind the Robin mask. You were too busy quaking with fear, your chest tight as you considered: this might actually be the end of his life. ‘’ I DIDN’T NOTICED EITHER UNTIL THIS POINT
‘’You decided right then and there - maybe you had decided a long time ago - if he broke your heart by leaving you alone, by dying, you didn’t care. You didn’t care if he left you fucked up and broken. All of the time the two of you had spent together - it had all been worth it. ‘’ AAAAAAA
“I love you.” I’M CRYING
‘’Moments before his death, you sentenced him to the worst crime of all - breaking your heart. Now, with his own foolish choices, he had damned you to a life without the one you loved.’’ THIS IS SO RAW AND IT’S SO GOOD AND WELL THOUGHT AND ALSO HEARTBREAKING
‘’You weren’t surprised that Jason didn’t say it back - but you hoped that your words, that you saying it brought some comfort to him.’’ NOOO AND IT WAS THE OPPOSITE
“I’m - I’m so sorry, Y/N. Jason’s - he’s gone.” SHUT UP NO
*finishes drying tears* okay I know it took me a lot of time but I finally finished reading it, I absolutely loved it, again, this is a rollercoaster of emotions, from laughing to crying, I’ve enjoyed it so much. Everything was so well put together, thinking in every detail, even the heartbreaking parts had impacted on me so much (and I’m not usually the kind of person that goes looking for angst) but I appreciated every bit.
Now I have to ask, do you have a taglist? Can I be added for when the next part is posted? Thank you!
And thank you so much for sharing your stories! THEY’RE SO GOOD!!!!!!!!
The Jaws of Life
Jason Todd x Gender Neutral Reader
Now part of me has holes in it, and part of me is whole.
We’ve only begun.
I can’t decide - maybe it’s enough to get by for now.
But I’m having the time of my life - rotting in the sun.
We’re inside The Jaws of Life.
Part One: Panic Room
Summary:
You and Jason don't really hate each other - at least not anymore. Your feelings for each other are more than complicated, and before you have time to figure it all out, you have to part ways.
Jason goes back to Gotham at Bruce's behest, and you're off to visit a long lost relative that you didn't even know cared about you.
Unfortunately, while you're apart, the Joker makes things even more complicated with a phone call and a gun. And your world comes crashing down before you can even put names to all the stars in your sky.
Jason Todd x GN!Powered!Reader. Friends With Benefits to Lovers/Lovers Reunited. Smut, Extreme Emotional Angst, Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 3.
Word Count: 19,900
DC Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link
This is a sequel to Emergency Contact, so make sure that you read that fic before you start this one. This can be read as a standalone, but reading that fic first provides emotional context for the relationship between the characters, and it gives you more amazing stuff to read! Either way, I hope you enjoy it.
Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.
Warnings: this fic has a lot of warnings, so strap in - the reader character is completely gender neutral - the main pronouns used for the bulk of the fic are you/yours and there is one scene where Jason is talking to someone else about the reader and uses they/them pronouns for the reader and there is absolutely no descriptions of what genitals the reader character has (I like all my GN fics to be interpreted so that the character could be trans, or cis, or nonbinary, and that they could have a penis or a vagina); there are implications of the reader being trans or nonbinary (something I threw in last minute cause it felt like it fit the fic well), but like with my fat reader fics - if you're cis then just ignore it, roll with it, and remember that most fics are catered specifically for you; this fic DOES use Y/N (as do all of my fics); the reader character has meta powers - the reader character can form ice crystals out of nothing and can freeze pretty much any substance; Jason calls the reader 'babe' (but as I said with the previous fic, I think this is a genderless nickname and Jason would call anyone this when flirting and being affectionate); mentions of Jason's canon kidnapping and canon interactions with Deathstroke (and the trauma those incidents likely caused for him); mentions of canon deaths; the fic starts off with a smut scene - the reader gives Jason a blowjob; mentions of Jason 'gagging' the reader with his cock (during previous incidents, not this time); Jason uses the word 'pretty' to describe the reader (he says they have a 'pretty mouth') - again, I feel like this word is fairly gender neutral, especially in the context of him being affectionate; finger sucking (the reader sucks on Jason's fingers); protected penetrative sex - Jason and the reader fuck while using a condom (and because I didn't describe the reader's genitals, it could be vaginal sex or anal sex, who knows); marking kink; some dirty talk; the reader is more submissive and Jason is more dominant, but there is no explicit BDSM roles; (very brief) cockwarming; (and I think that's it for the smut section, the rest of the warnings are non-smut related); mentions of Rose having a one-sided affection towards Jason or flirting with him to try and further her mission (in this version, Rose and Jason never get together); mentions of Jason's past and the trauma he has surrounding it - including discussions of his poverty, his parents' deaths, his abandonment and neglect by all the adults in his life, his time in foster care; Jason has a generally poor self-image in this fic and has negative internal dialogue surrounding himself when he is narrating; mentions of the reader having a backstory similar to Jason's - the reader grew up in severe poverty and neglect and was homeless for the majority of their young life, and also had a parent who had issues with substance abuse; descriptions of Jason being kidnapped by Deathstroke; semi graphic descriptions of blood and violence (and death); semi-graphic descriptions of Jason being tortured by a kidnapper; mentions of the reader going to visit a long lost relative who is dying of brain cancer (if themes around hospice and palliative care are triggering to you, then these sections might be triggering - but I haven't gone into detail about the medical aspects or mentioned any medical environments or medical equipment, the cancer is a background plot point); mentions of Jason and the reader sexting in the past (none of the messages are detailed here); mentions of Jason and the reader sharing a dark sense of humor to cope with their traumas; an enemy describes the reader character as a 'pretty one' and 'pretty thing' (again, I think this is fairly gender neutral, and the villain uses this term in a more condescending way); descriptions of gun violence; this entire fic has extreme emotional angst, and this first half is the more 'light-hearted' part, so do be warned that this fic will not make you happy and it is a big whump fest.
A/N: I am so fucking excited to post this fic, you guys have no idea omg. This is just the first half, and I think the fic as a whole is what makes it a great fic, but I think this is an amazing start/introduction and I am so excited to hear what you guys think of it!! Especially considering that this fic has been two years in the making and I am finally getting to post it omg. I am SO EXCITED !!!!!
...
“Fuck, babe.”
Jason let out a breathy sigh as your mouth worked on his cock, sloppy and eager against the beautiful dick that you had come to know so well over these past few months.
It was rare that you treated him to a blowjob. Since the two of you had started this ‘relationship’, you had noticed that he often got too greedy when you sucked him off - trying too hard to take control, shoving his cock into your mouth with unhinged care, rather than just sitting back to enjoy the ride. He would make jokes about ‘shutting you up’ by keeping his dick in your mouth, and you never wanted him to get too cocky about having this.
You wanted him to know that it was a privilege to have his cock in your mouth, especially without you simply biting his (very perfect) cock off.
But after the chaotic past few weeks that the team had - with Gar and Conner being captured by Cadmus, with Donna’s funeral still fresh in everyone’s minds - you thought that Jason deserved this to take his mind off all of it. His wounds from Deathstroke had barely healed and everyone was still mourning.
So you had him flat on his back in his bed - similar to the position he had you in not too long ago, when he had pulled the bullet fragment out of your stomach and bandaged you up. And you were straddling his knees as you worked your mouth on his cock, your tongue flat against the underside of the thick, impressive length while you bobbed your head, letting spit flow freely from your open mouth without care. It sloppily gathered around the base, slick down over his balls in a perfect, messy way.
Naturally, the room was filled with nothing but the sounds of you gurgling on his cock and the moans that he could barely contain due to the deadly heat of you eagerly swallowing his dick.
“Fuckin’ love your mouth.” He moaned, bringing a hand down to stroke gentle fingers across your cheek - burning, something that made you gasp quietly against his flesh.
It was a move much more tender than he would have ever made before.
This Jason was a Jason much sweeter than the one Doctor Light took from you on that near-fatal night. You knew that it likely had a lot to do with you laying your life on the line for him - the fact that you had dangled yourself out of a high-rise building trying to save him, vowed that you would never let him go.
That night had changed everything for the both of you.
This Jason was not the same sex-hungry, carnal, ‘live for the moment’ person who had left The Tower that night, half-cocked and determined to prove that he was better than the old ‘relics’ who kept leaving him out of all their plans. This Jason was humble, quiet, thoughtful. This Jason put his arm around you in a room full of people, not caring who looked on. This Jason actually took the time to think before he spoke.
This Jason - even if he didn’t want to admit it - clearly cared about your feelings and wanted to show it.
(And that made him a lot more deserving of a blowjob, unlike the Jason who would fuck into your mouth without asking and then laugh when you gagged on his cock.)
“Goddammit, ‘m close.” Jason mumbled out - you could feel the muscles of his thighs straining under your palms, a concerted effort not to buck up into the warmth of your mouth to chase the finality of his high.
You would have thanked him for it, if you didn’t have your mouth full. Instead, you bobbed your head faster and moaned around him - a wordless invitation for him to cum down your throat, for him to have a prize that he wouldn’t have been worthy of before.
“Shit, babe-”
Jason seethed through his teeth, and then curled his fist into the back of your shirt, tugging - surprisingly, urging you to pull away from his cock.
“Come on, come up.” He said, gulping for breath. “I wanna fuck you.”
You pulled off, leaving a sloppy twinge of spit trailing from your swollen lips to the pink head of his cock, glistening wet and slick sounding. His dick bobbed back toward his pelvis with a filthy, wet sound - causing him to groan as you caught your breath with a small gasp.
“You feelin’ okay?” You chuckled, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “I have never known you to turn down cumming in my mouth.”
“As tempting as it is to see my cum dripping from your pretty lips…”
Jason said, reaching down and gently shoving his thumb past your over-worked, swollen lips. Naturally, you stuck your tongue out and tasted his skin, wrapping your lips around the digit and sucking once again, loving the absolutely lust-sick look on his face as you did this.
You couldn’t help but to indulge in the attention - not when it was his eyes on you.
“I definitely can’t pass up the opportunity to watch you cum while you ride my cock.” He added on, his voice rumbling quietly with lust, the idea clearly something that truly excited him.
You popped your mouth off his thumb before you spoke.
“Oh? You think you’re gonna make me cum before you blow your load?” You chuckled, posing it as a challenge - knowing that he fucked you better when he was riled up, when he thought of it as another thing to prove himself in.
“Think I’m some kind of amateaur?” Jason scoffed quietly under his breath.
He put a hand on your hip and pulled you up his body, silently agreeing to the challenge that you had posed. You shed your shirt while he grabbed a condom - you were already prepped and well lubed, seeing as Jason had made you cum with his fingers and his mouth before you had turned him over on his back, seeking to return the favor.
He rolled the condom on and slicked up his cock with more lube for good measure, something that made a wonderfully filthy slick sound. Then, with his hands firm on your hips, he pulled you up to straddle him and had you mounting him like he was a throne that you were meant to sit upon.
You let out a rattling moan as you sat down on his cock, feeling the full hot length stretch you open for the first time in too long. It was a smooth, steady motion - a joining of two people that came from silent, delicate knowing and trust. At this point, he didn’t have to stop and ask if you were okay - he simply knew from the blissed-out look on your face that you were enjoying every inch of it.
It was perfect.
With your hands balanced on his chest and his forehead pressed against yours, for once, his eyes daring to gaze into yours past the thickness of his lashes. Usually he busied himself with his head in your neck, or squeezed his eyes shut when your dirty talk got to him particularly well. And often, insisted on fucking you from behind so that he could focus more on destroying you with ‘skill’ than falling apart due to the expressions on your face and seeing every little echo of his cock flicker in your eyes.
But this was distinctly different. Staring right into your eyes, no shying away, no backing down. As if inviting you to a more intimate part of him that you had somehow never seen, even if you had been naked together and fucked each other dozens of times by now.
He was hot and heavy inside of you, so beautifully thick, filling you up so well. Strangely, there was that thing deep in your gut that yearned for him to pull out and peel the condom off so that you could feel every single raw inch of him - but you told yourself you were smarter than that. You should be.
“Perfect.” Jason sighed, his breath puffing out against your chin.
It was that single word that warmed your insides and made you clench around his cock, causing him to hum from deep within his chest. He stroked a slow, gentle hand from your hip to the fullness of your ass, up your back, holding you like you were something precious. It was so unlike every other time he had fucked you - when all of his touches were about grabbing, consuming you, holding you like you were an object to be taken and owned by him in those moments.
You had liked it then. It was emotionally detached - but it was hot. It always made you cum hard and fast.
But this was so different. Especially for you and Jason.
“Don’t flatter yourself.” You whispered back, fishing for some of that old banter - the humor that had founded your entire ‘relationship’ with Jason.
Jason laughed, and you bit back a moan when you felt the sound vibrating through you, when it drove his cock just a bit deeper inside of you.
He resisted the urge to get sappy, to say ‘I meant you, you’re perfect’. Instead, he wrapped an arm around your waist, tucked a possessive touch tight around you and planted the other arm in the middle of your back, sitting himself up slightly, bending his knees - getting good leverage for what he wanted to do next.
“I don’t need to stroke my own ego when I have you, babe.” Jason announced, his smirk appearing in its usual stance and his voice soft.
Before you could muster any clever reply, he used his tight hold on you to lift you slightly off his cock and then began fucking up into you. In tandem with his rough, heavy thrusts up into you, he slammed your body down to meet the thickness of his cock, creating a rough, demanding rhythm that easily chased the air out of your lungs.
“Jay-” You gasped, quickly becoming breathless. “Jason, fuck me!”
You could little more than let him fuck you senseless. You were used to the feeling of his cock filling you up like this, yet it created that deadly curl in your gut each time like it was brand new. It sent harsh stinging across your nerve endings, a deadly wash across your skin as the heat crept through you.
You knew that Jason was talented at this, but you also knew that it was something else. Something more than attraction - something you couldn’t get from anyone else that you still refused to fully acknowledge.
“Hey, shh.”
Jason hushed you, using that beautifully condescending coo that you knew meant he didn’t actually want you to be quiet - he always wanted to hear how loud you became when you were entranced by his cock. He bent his knees more to fuck up into you even harsher, causing you to make a wounded sound as his cock got even deeper into you.
“I’ve got you.” He whispered, hot against your chin. “I’ve got you, babe.”
The gentle, soothing nature of his voice juxtaposed with the venomous sting of his cock continually snapping against your pelvis was something that made you downright dizzy. All the combined sensations had your body arching against him - your muscles were tightening up, and though he felt that distinct warmth rising up in his own gut, he was proud to know that he had you there already. He was going to make you cum first, just like he had promised. He knew your body too well by now not to play you like a well tuned fiddle.
“You gonna be good for me?”
Jason mumbled against your neck, leaning in to gently skim his teeth along your skin. He sucked slightly, leaving marks, being entirely selfish in his claiming of you. He loved the taste of your skin on his tongue. If you refused to let him go, if you refused to leave him to let him rot in his own poisonous life, then he would let everyone know that you had taken him on and that you were owned now. It was his silent way of begging you not to double back, not to realize what a mistake you had made.
“You gonna cum on by cock?” He added on, his throat flexing slightly as his own lust clutched at him.
It was something that you couldn’t have refused if you tried.
“Jason-!”
You gasped out, unconsciously bucking your hips down to meet his thrusts as he continued fucking up into you hard, getting quite the workout in his legs and abs, spearing his cock into you from the angle below you.
But fuck, you were so worth it. Seeing the twisting pleasure on your face as your orgasm washed over you, feeling the pleasant sting in his back as your nails dug into his shoulders. Hearing your choked off moans and panting breaths as you could do nothing but hang on for the ride, feeling the beautiful mess across his pelvis as you came, showing him just how good he was fucking you.
“So good.” Jason moaned into your neck, latching on to suck the skin there once again. “Fuck, Y/N, so good for me.”
He found his own skin on fire once again as you tightened around his dick, your muscles becoming a hot vice around him as you rode out your orgasm, forcing his mind blank from the pure pleasure of it all. He loved the sounds you made, the look on your face, the way you ground your hips so closely against his as you savored every second of it.
Jason was dizzy as his own orgasm hit him, his whole body tingling and sparking with pleasure as he shot his load into the condom. He put a hand across your back, pulling you close, pressing your body flush against his and grinding up into you in tentative, almost gentle strokes as he rode it out. With his face buried in your neck, kissing you, breathing in your scent - it was almost tender.
It was the closest to love-making that you and Jason had ever gotten.
“Fuck, Jason.” You whined, your stomach curling with a new kind of heat, your skin on fire - this time, alight with the newly birthed feeling of his loving touch on your skin.
To an extent, it almost frightened you. Especially because of how much you liked it, how you could see yourself growing to love it. Especially because now you felt timid. You didn’t want to scare this part of him away.
“I’ve got you.” He said again, quietly mumbling the words into your neck like a sacred promise.
Unable to resist the urge, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, truly holding him, leaning into his touch. You relaxed against his body, sagging into the hold, and Jason hummed with content against your skin at the feeling.
For a few moments - a capsule against the world that felt more peaceful than you had ever known - you let yourself become lost to this feeling.
Still speared on his slowly softening cock, you simply enjoyed the feeling of his hard, muscled frame against you, the feeling of his arms wrapped around you in such an affectionate hold - like two giant pillars keeping you safe from the world. You enjoyed the scent of his fading cologne twinged with his sweat, let one of your hands wander up into his hair and thread a couple of your fingers along his scalp, which got another pleasant moan from him.
When you unconsciously clenched down on him again, you had a thought.
“Jason,” You whimpered out quietly. “The condom.”
It was a cruel disturbance to your peaceful little world, but he knew that the two of you couldn’t just stay like that forever. He would have to separate from you to throw it out eventually. You would be horrified if that tricky piece of latex got lost inside of you and you had to tell someone else in the Tower why you had to go to the ER to get it out.
“Oh shit.” He sighed in return.
You hesitantly climbed off him and luckily, the condom easily slid out on his soft cock, and he tossed it away while you collapsed to lay on the bed beside him.
“We should just stop using condoms.” Jason chuckled, giving you a sly grin as he laid back against the pillows beside you.
“Funny.” You griped sarcastically, moving to lay against his chest. You couldn’t resist the urge to cuddle, even if you wanted to go take a shower and get cleaned up. You could use the excuse that your legs were jelly right now and you wanted to gain back some of your energy first.
You wanted to bring up the fact that you had been so adamant about using condoms with Jason because your ‘relationship’ with him was supposed to strictly be about sex. Sure, when the two of you started fucking, you didn’t expect that he was going to be sleeping with a different person every other week. Dick had you guys locked up in the Tower, constantly breathing down your necks - that was one of the reasons why you even turned to Jason for sex at all. He was right there. He was available. He was decent looking.
And when you and Jason had started sleeping together, you had thought he was lying about how many people he had fucked before you. You thought he was a mouthy virgin or that he had slept with maybe one other person before he so boldly started pursuing you. But he could definitely back up all the talk, and that had you wondering how many of his claims were true. And that had you even more adamant about the condoms, because you didn’t know where he had… been.
And then when Rose first came around, you saw the way she looked at him. You had seen her trying to flirt with him - a gentle touch on his arm, trying to pull him aside to talk after he came back from his brush with Deathstroke. You had wondered if there was something going on between her and Jason.
You wondered if Jason proposing to drop condoms was his strange way of asking you to upgrade the status of your relationship. Friends with benefits, people who are still allowed to fuck other people - they use condoms. They have to use condoms, just in case. But people in a more serious relationship - they don’t always use condoms, because they don’t fuck other people. They don’t fuck other people because they’re in love.
“Jason-” You said his name gently, about to ask him this, but then - his phone rang.
A high-pitched digital tone chimed out from where he had put it on the nightstand and Jason groaned loudly in annoyance before he picked it up, looked at the Caller ID, and then promptly ignored the call.
“Who was it?” You asked, curious who he would outright ignore like that.
“Bruce.” He said, his tone dull, clearly feeling uncertain about the man. “The old man can leave a voicemail. Or send a text like a normal person.”
This was strange to you. You thought that Bruce and Jason were coming to be on better terms.
Bruce had come to Donna’s funeral, and you had seen the two of them talking quietly at one point. You had tried not to stare at the interaction unfolding, poorly reading Bruce’s lips out of the corner of your eye (but you didn’t get much out of it). Near the end of it, you had seen Bruce give Jason a fatherly pat on the shoulder before he walked away from the conversation, and Jason had looked entirely pensive about the whole thing, even if he hadn’t told you what it was about.
You hadn’t been introduced to Bruce, then - the funeral really wasn’t the time for ‘meeting and greeting’, seeing as everyone was quietly in mourning over their lost friend. But you got the sense that he was a stoic and reserved man, and him giving that small bit of physical affection to Jason was about as good as an outright apology, telling him how much of a mistake it was to send him away in the first place.
Apparently Jason didn’t feel the same way.
“I didn’t know you were screening his calls.” You said, curious as to why Jason didn’t want to talk to Bruce.
“I’m busy.” Jason said, giving you his usual stunning grin before he leaned in and began kissing up your neck again. It was a pleasant, sweet type of affection, but he was clearly deflecting from the actual point you were trying to make, trying to distract you.
He didn’t want to talk about Bruce. And that only made you want to press the point harder.
“Why?” You asked, trying not to fall victim to the feeling of Jason’s soft lips against your neck, lovingly sucking, moving with gentle kisses against your skin.
“‘Why’ what?” Jason replied - perhaps playing dumb, perhaps genuinely not knowing what you meant.
“Why won’t you talk to Bruce?” You asked, clarifying.
Jason sighed and leaned back against his pillow, collapsing with defeat.
After a moment of tense, thoughtful silence - a moment in which you worried that you had pushed too far and he would simply tell you to get out - he finally gave in to the fact that he would have to talk about it. He gave in to the idea that talking to you about it would be easier than not talking about it at all.
“He wants me to go back to Gotham.” Jason announced.
He sounded oddly sullen speaking these words, which instantly confused you. You knew that Jason from a few weeks ago would have jumped at the chance to go back to Gotham, to resume his duties as Robin. He would have screamed with joy and eagerly asked Bruce when the next flight out was.
So why was he hesitant now? Did it have to do with the incident with Deathstroke? Did he doubt his capabilities as Robin now? Did he want to quit?
“You don’t want to?” You asked, trying to sound gentle rather than accusatory.
Jason found it all too easy to open up to you now.
“I don’t know what I want.” Jason shrugged, entirely raw and honest in this declaration - for once, not dancing around his more serious emotions with jokes or sarcasm. “I mean, before, I would have been excited for Bruce to invite me back. But now…”
“This is probably for the best.”
You said, trying to motivate him past his potential insecurities. Before it was something you had done with playful combatance, knowing that if you faced him with a challenge, he would always rise to prove himself, even if it was out of spite. And now it was something you did with brutal, soft honesty, but still, it was nothing new for you.
“The Tower was just supposed to be a temporary stop-over, right?”
You posed, reaching out and gently brushing your fingers across his jaw. He stared into your eyes then, and you saw something swimming there - nerves. Longing.
“Gotham needs Robin.”
You repeated it because it was something you had heard Jason say before.
One of the main reasons he took up the mantle of Robin, taking on someone else’s costume and name, rather than creating his own - was because he knew that lots of lost kids looked up to Robin. When he was a young kid, growing up in the shittest parts of Gotham, he admired Robin. He had been truly thrilled to meet Dick for the first time because, in a world where he was starving and alone and none of the adults in his life cared - Robin was his hero. Someone (seemingly) not much older than himself, who donned a cape, didn’t have any superpowers or magic, and got to stand alongside the Bat himself, fighting for justice. A voice for the voiceless. A fist for the powerless.
Jason went to bed cold and hungry many nights thinking about Robin. Thinking about how one good person can make a difference in a cruel world.
So when he had been given the opportunity to make up some dumb name of his own, or to become Robin - it wasn’t really a choice for him. He became Robin in order to be that symbol of hope for others, and in truth - to fulfill the hope he once needed for himself.
“Right.” Jason sighed. He did have a duty to the people of Gotham. But something else was bothering him. “But… but what about us?”
Us.
He said it so fondly, like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to think of you and him as a pair.
It was the first time either of you had truly acknowledged it. Finally acknowledging the way your dynamic had changed since that night. Otherwise, it had been absolutely unspoken.
“What about us?” You echoed back, your voice trembling quiet.
You were truly afraid to hear his answer.
‘Say it.’ You wanted to scream at him. ‘Say the words. Stop making me think that all of this has been just big one big hallucination on my part. Say it, asshole. Say it and I’m yours for the rest of your life.’
“Come on.” He sighed, flickering off towards the wall and refusing to look at you now, the words grating against his throat.
‘Are you really gonna make me say it?’ He wanted to scream. ‘How much I fucking love you? How I can’t leave here now because I can’t leave you? How I would quit being Robin if it meant getting to be with you?’
The air trembled with the might of all those unspoken words as Jason gathered a better, more guarded reply.
“The Tower was supposed to be a stop-over. At first.” He shrugged, still distinctly refusing to look at you. “But then… we… happened.”
He explained it clumsily, clearly stuck for words in that entirely emotionally constipated way, motioning vaguely between the two of you. Once again, he was refusing to acknowledge the thing going on between the two of you. He was refusing to put those exact, big, serious words on it. Afraid that the weight of it all would knock him over, swallow him whole if he wasn’t careful.
But his lack of words bothered you so damn much.
Was it a casual relationship? Was it sex? Was it love? Was it the two of you finding your life-long soulmates and being too traumatized and stubborn and stupid to actually acknowledge it?
You hummed in agreement of this, nodding.
“You shouldn’t stay just for me, though.” You told him.
His duties as Robin were important. Mending his relationship with Bruce was important. Far more important than having sex with you and training for whatever vague threat Dick had in mind (especially when Dick couldn’t stand up and protect Jason from very real threats, like Deathstroke).
Jason’s face cracked with a flutter of disappointment and sadness, a rattle of emotions coming through that he usually wouldn’t show around anybody else. He thought that you were breaking things off with him - whatever things were. But that wasn’t the case.
“I might have to leave soon anyway.” You added on, trying to clarify your point.
“You’re leaving?” He asked, sounding entirely hurt by this, the words acting as a bitter accusation coming off his lips.
He held in the other thing he wanted to say.
‘Where else would you have to go?’
He was trying to be more thoughtful with his words these days - and he knew this sounded far too much like a dig, mocking at the circumstances of your past. A past which you had divulged to him in bits and pieces while laying in bed with him after a healthy fuck, much like this.
When he had found out how similar the two of you were, he found his soul more and more drawn to yours. Your mother had been a deadbeat, much like his. Apparently she came from some richie rich family that you had only met a few times, when you were so young that you could only piece together a few memories from it, but she left behind all of it to be with her deadbeat boyfriend - someone who may or may not have been your father. Someone who got your mother hooked on drugs and petty crime to pay for the habit when your rich grandmother cut her off from the family money, knowing the kind of life she was living.
You grew up a lot like Jason did.
You saw your mother faded, abused, you had been forced to mature up and take care of yourself and even take care of your own mother when you had been far too young to do so. You had lived in slums. At many points in your life, you had been homeless.
You never had a real father to speak of, and when your mother overdosed, you were left abandoned when you were still a young teen. But you took care of yourself well enough, especially considering that you had an advantage that Jason didn’t - icy powers from a freak accident that happened around the time you were born that should have killed you.
It was only by luck that you ran into Dick and Kory when they came into the diner that you had been waiting tables at, whispering harshly under their breath about a young girl with severe, mysterious powers that they had lost track of. And you had pointed them toward the old Caulder house on the edge of town and offered to go with them - because you knew Niles Caulder from a time when he had offered to ‘help’ you with your own powers and you had gotten a bad feeling about the man.
Jason called it luck because it was that incident that led you on the path to meeting him.
“I’m only going for a little while.” You told him. “My grandmother - the one I’ve only seen like? Twice? Apparently she hired a P. I. to track down my mom. Found out my mom was dead, and then eventually - she found me. She’s getting sentimental because she has brain cancer or something? I didn’t read everything in the letter.”
You shrugged, spotty on the information and unsure if the trip you had planned was even a good idea in the first place.
Jason easily understood why you were jaded when it came to the concept of ‘family’. You had been abandoned by them and left alone in the world. You had raised yourself, essentially. Why would you need them now?
“She wants me to come and see her - something about deathbed remorse and blah, blah. I don’t know. I wasn’t gonna go, but Dick thinks I should, because she’s like the only living family I have that I know about.” You finished the explanation with a sigh, and Jason frowned.
Of course Dickhead was being righteous about his moral code.
Jason wanted to convince you to stay, but - maybe Dick had a point. Maybe, if you had a shot at having a relationship with your ‘real’ family - maybe you should take it.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Jason had no clue why it was his first instinct to offer this. But it felt right. It felt instinctive to attempt to comfort you these days, rather than combating you or coming up with some annoying, clever comeback.
You should have said yes.
It would have been fun at the very least; an amusing trainwreck, perhaps. You could only imagine what it would be like - bringing your mouthy situationship along with you to visit your rich, uptight, estranged grandmother. Even just explaining the nature of your relationship with Jason to her would have been a wild and fun ride.
But instead, you let your guarded instincts get the better of you.
“No.” You sighed. “I - I can handle it myself.”
You sounded a lot less sure in your reply, but you made yourself sure as you continued.
“If she gets too whiny, or too… sentimental, I’ll bail. I know that Dick or Kory would come and get me if I asked them to. And I am very good at running from situations that don’t benefit me.” You tried to laugh it off, though this did evoke some painful memories of your past, when you had to run from things that very well could have ended your life - or worse.
“You also have a habit of running toward situations that don’t benefit you.” Jason sighed, not letting you easily forget the fact that you ran into a gun-hot hostage situation and dangled yourself off a building to rescue him.
You lightly smacked his shoulder in response, and he quietly grunted at this, rolling his eyes.
“I can handle myself. Dickhead.” You replied, much less bite behind the words than there would have been before. “Besides, you have to go to Gotham and deal with your own sentimental old bag.”
“The last word I would ever use to describe Bruce is ‘sentimental’.” Jason argued gently.
“He keeps a trophy room full of stuff from every criminal he’s ever taken down,” You reminded Jason. “It’s his own form of weird, fucked-up sentiment.”
Jason shrugged.
You laid back down, tucking yourself into Jason’s side and laying a few simple kisses against the skin of his chest before you settled in, closing your eyes. He wrapped his arm around you, and there was only a moment of quiet before -
“What are you gonna do after you visit your grandmother?” He asked, so entirely timid. “Are you gonna come back to The Tower?”
‘Will I ever see you again?’ He wanted to ask. ‘Is it really over between us?’
Jason couldn’t imagine not having you around.
You were the tape that had held him together after everything went down with Deathstroke. When the Titans went south, ruined by Dick’s lies and the pressure of enemies from their past, you were the brick wall that had held him up. If not for you, he could have easily imagined himself drowning in booze, crashing his motorcycle off the side of a cliff in a drunken blur; or jumping off the top of this incredibly impressive building to make himself nothing but a stain on the concrete below.
You hesitated, but worked up the courage to truly speak what was waiting on your lips, especially when you weren’t looking at his face, tracing every micro-expression for potential disappointment or glee.
“I could come to Gotham.” You whispered, barely letting your words break into audible sound. When Jason took too long to reply, you rushed to add on something else, to make your proposal seem less serious. “I guess I could come see that stupid cave you’re always talking about.”
Jason laughed at this, and you loved the feeling of the vibrations under the side of your face.
“Yeah.” He said. “Sounds cool. I - I think Bruce would actually like having you around.”
You wondered if that was true, or if Jason was just amplifying his own affection for you within his mind. Either way, it was sweet.
You ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Jason’s gentle breathing flowing through his lungs under your cheek soothed you into an easy sleep - when you woke up, you were reminded of the drying mess between your thighs and wicked soreness that had set into your muscles. You needed a hot shower, and you needed to go pack a bag. You had to tell Dick that you wanted to book the ticket to go and see your grandmother.
Knowing him, he likely already had one booked on the principle that you would come around to his line of thinking and he would end up being right.
You were crawling out of bed when Jason’s hand caught your wrist.
“You sneakin’ away on me?” He mumbled out, sleepy, not yet opening his eyes.
“I gotta go shower, dipshit.” You said, your voice gentle and chiding, no real force behind the words.
Jason gave you a sleepy smile.
“Come back afterwards.” He replied, clearly hoping for more cuddles - or more sex.
“I can’t.” You told him. “I have to get ready to leave. Remember?”
This caught his full attention, and he sat up abruptly, blinking his eyes open to catch a glimpse of you in the barely there, dim light. It was just before sunrise, the sky kissed hazy gray outside of the giant windows that lined his bedroom.
“You’re leaving so soon?” He asked, disappointment barely masked in his voice as he continued to grip your wrist.
“Yes.” You said, knowing that you were echoing that tone right back. “So… I guess this is goodbye?”
“Fuck you.” He replied, a harsh sigh from his lungs. He hurled the expletive at the concept of a goodbye with you. That was something he never wanted.
He tugged on your wrist and you were reeled in like a fish, walking around the bed toward his side. You tucked your butt tightly beside one of his thighs, sitting close to him, vowing that you would get up soon as he wrapped a thick arm around your waist.
He had the other arm across your chest, tucking his hand along your jaw and tilting your head toward him. You eased into the kiss with a small moan, enjoying the softness of his lips like a tree enjoys the sun. You soaked him up for a few long moments, and when you tried to pull back the first time, he held you there for just a bit longer.
If you had known that was going to be the last time you kissed him, you would have savored it more.
In a silent agreement - he finally let you go, and his eyes stayed glued to you as you got dressed enough to go down the hallway and then, you left out his bedroom door. His eyes lingered on the door for a few prolonged seconds after you did so, and then finally, he turned over again and fell back into an unpleasant sleep. One that felt fitful now that you weren’t in his bed.
…
Jason felt cold.
The room he was in - some mysterious, wall-off concrete place with no light - was freezing. And it wasn’t the pleasant kind of cool like the touch of your icy skin when you crawled into bed with him late at night. Or the shocking delightful kind of cold like when you played a prank on him, running your super-powered icy fingers up his back just to get a rise out of him.
No, this was a shocking, dead kind of cold.
This was the kind of cold that would bring death after a short period of time. It was the kind of cold that easily made his fingers and toes numb, and made him struggle against his binds - and it was only then that Jason realized he was tied up.
His arms were pinned behind his back and bound at the wrists - though he couldn’t tell with what. He couldn’t feel the texture of the binding through the thickness of his Robin uniform gloves in order to know how to best get out of it. Whether it was duct tape or rope, that would determine his next move, and he needed to make a move - fast.
His legs were free. That was a good sign. That would definitely be useful.
Before Jason could contemplate much more of this, a door that he hadn’t yet noticed off to his right burst open, creating a rush of light into the dull, dark room - a blinding moment where all he saw was shadows and movement. By the time his eyes had adjusted, a body was being thrown at his feet. Or rather, a very limp, fully alive person.
Deathstroke towered over this person, wearing his full gear, the armor thick and imposing, his silhouette blocking out nearly all the light that had just been let into the room.
Jason’s eyes flickered from him, to the person on the floor - purposefully stiffening his jaw in his best attempt not to show any fear.
His throat became dry and he held back a whimper of fright when he saw that the limp body on the floor was you.
Your hands were bound behind your back, too, and you were forced silent with a cloth gag in your mouth, tied tightly behind your head. But your eyes truly captured Jason’s attention the most. Beyond the scrapes and bruises that littered your cheeks, signs of pain that already made him ravenous with rage, more than eager to rip apart whatever was holding him back in order to tear Deathstroke to pieces just for daring to touch you - your eyes were full of pure terror.
Jason had never seen you like this before.
Right from the moment he had met you, you had been nothing but confident - a palace of strength, calm, cleverness that he wanted so badly to topple. It was why he flirted with you, argued with you. He wanted so badly to get under your skin, to see you rattled. It was only when the two of you had sex that he finally saw some wavering in that, finally saw you falling apart.
And eventually, it pushed away to something deeper, something softer - something that caused him to fall in love with you.
But he had never seen you afraid. That fear in your eyes, you silently screaming at him for help - it put his stomach in knots within seconds.
“It’s okay,” Jason rushed to assure you. He would get you out of this. “It’s gonna be okay, Y/N, I swear-”
Deathstroke let out a chuckle - one that sounded muffled, cold, robotic behind his mask.
“I can’t tell if you’re truly lying, following in the careless footsteps of your leader, or if you think that placating is the way to soothe someone in crisis.” He said, his tone entirely mocking. “There is no room for soothing here. Things most certainly will not be okay. Not unless you give me what I ask for,”
“What the fuck do you want, asshole?” Jason spit back bitterly, posturing, trying his best to seem big and strong when he felt so utterly weak, so small in those moments.
“Dick Grayson.” Deathstroke announced. “Tell me where he is, and I’ll let your little friend go.”
Jason hesitated.
When Deathstroke felt this, he continued.
“And if you don’t, I won’t hesitate to dispose of this pathetic excuse for a Titan.” He added on, giving you a harsh kick in the back with his heavy boot. You cried out in pain, and Jason’s insides jolted.
It was a move that made Jason want to scream, and make threats that he knew he couldn’t live up to.
He deeply feared what Deathstroke meant when he said ‘dispose of’.
“Is Grayson really that important to you?”
Jason began to panic, his eyes flickering from Deathstroke’s imposing shadow to your terrified face once again.
His brain felt scrambled. He searched, thought hard, concentrated, and somehow - came up empty. For some stupid reason, he had no clue where Dick was. The Tower, Gotham, Detroit - the fucking idiot could be anywhere. And something else nagged in the back of Jason’s mind - even if he did know where Dick was, why the fuck should he tell this asshole? Deathstroke only wanted to kill Dick. Why should it be Jason’s choice to trade one life for another?
And even if he did tell Deathstroke where Dick was, there was no promise that Deathstroke wouldn’t kill you anyway as soon as he had the information.
No - Jason could save you some other way.
There had to be another way, some other way to get out of this, something else-
“Tick tock.” Deathstroke said, rushing Jason’s answer.
“Fuck you!” Jason barked back instinctively, still panicked.
And it was that panic that cost him everything.
“Well…” Deathstroke hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose they truly didn’t teach Junior Robin anything, did they?”
In seconds, he could sense it - Deathstroke could see right through Jason. He knew that Jason didn’t know the answers to his questions. And even if he did - he wasn’t going to give up Dick. He had a strange sense of loyalty to the person who had shit on him and failed to help him time and time again.
Before Jason could come up with whatever magical solution he was hoping would come to him, Deathstroke reached down, fisted the shoulder of your shirt, and brought you up onto your knees with a surprising strength. You continued to look Jason in the eyes with an intense panic while the man reached for his belt, unsheathing a sword that glinted in the little bit of light.
When you heard the sound of the metal slicing through the air, your muscles quaked with fear and you tried to get away - but you were too weak against him.
It was too late.
“No, no!” Jason cried out in protest, having nothing else to do but watch on in horror and hope that his pitiful cries could somehow stop this, tearing harshly against the bonds holding his wrists in place. “No, fuck you! Stop it!”
It happened too quickly.
The sword appeared through the front of your stomach, coated in bright red blood, and you let out a scream of anguish through the gag. Then suddenly, you were being shucked off the blade, thrown away like you were nothing, tossed back to the floor in a puddle of your own blood, limp and near lifeless. Deathstroke turned and left the room without a single care, shutting the door behind him, shutting out all of the light, leaving Jason in cold darkness once again.
And it was only then that the ropes on his wrists somehow loosened, allowing him to break free and rush to your bleeding body - too late.
Too fucking late.
Jason grabbed you up in his arms, hoisting you onto his lap. He was empty with shock. He didn’t know how to feel. He hated the contrast of your cold flesh and the heat of the blood rushing out of you and quickly covering him.
“Y/N, Y/N, baby, look at me,”
He found himself sobbing, forcefully turning your face toward him with a gloved hand, tearing the gag out of your mouth - your lips scarily pale, more than they ever should be.
“Fuck, fuck!”
He couldn’t contain his screams of anguish when he pressed a cheek closer to your lips and felt the shallow nature of your breath.
You were dying, and it was all his fault. You were dying, and it was all his fault. You were dying, and-
Jason awoke in a cold sweat.
He was shaking, frantically looking around in the dark, soon to realize that he wasn’t locked in a concrete room with your bloody corpse - he was in his bedroom in Gotham. He was at home in the comfortable, cushy Wayne Manor.
He had been having far too many nightmares since returning to Gotham. He wanted to blame it on your lack of presence in his bed, or the fact that Bruce had practically banned him from training, now that he was benched from being Robin. So he wasn’t getting nearly as much physical exercise as he used to and it left him anxious and not nearly as physically exhausted when he went to bed, making his sleep uneasy.
Bruce had suggested sleeping pills, but Jason hated the idea of the side effects. The potential of hallucinations didn’t seem like it would make his sleep any more pleasant.
Jason sat up on the edge of his bed, and turned on the lamp, wincing as the bright light prodded at his eyes, aggravating a headache he had that wouldn’t quit for days now. He reached for his phone, and almost unconsciously, brought up your contact.
He laughed when he saw the contact name you had given yourself - clearly something you had done as a joke right before you had left the Tower.
Bootycall Temporarily Unavailable
The two of you often changed each other’s names in your contacts as a joke. He guessed that this one was a joke about how you would be gone for a while, unable to fuck him. But he hated that you insisted that he still thought of you only as a Bootycall. He decided to change it to ‘Robin’s Ice Machine’ - one of his favourites, and what he kept you listed as in his contacts most often. (Even though he wasn’t sure if he was actually considered Robin anymore…)
He opened up his last text messages with you, and couldn’t help but smile when he re-read them.
He had sent you a simple ‘u up?’ around three o’clock in the morning, being sleepless and horny, and you had replied ‘don’t come in here with that fuckboy attitude unless you’re bringing snacks’.
And this had led to the two of you having the most amazing sex and eating junkfood afterwards. That was what he missed most about you. Simple nights. The ability to just be calm with you. Doing nothing with you and feeling so complete.
Jason began typing out a message.
‘I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I-’
Then, he realized how terribly sappy and stupid it sounded. And he thought about how much you would hate it. And even if you didn’t hate it, surely you would have no clue how to respond. The two of you weren’t like that. You weren’t those kind of people. He heaved a sigh, deleted the message, and then he got out of bed. He changed into some jogging pants and a sweatshirt and put on some running shoes.
If Bruce was going to ban him from being Robin, the least he could do was go on a run to get his head straight.
While he jogged through the cold night, Jason tried to convince himself that he didn’t need you. Tried to tell himself that if you decided not to come to Gotham after all, he would be just fine.
When he was finished with his run, standing at the kitchen counter chugging some way-too-expensive vitamin water that Bruce liked to buy, he pulled out his phone again and pulled up your contact. He considered calling you, and wondered what you were doing right then. He wondered if you would answer. He looked up what time it was in San Francisco, remembered you weren’t there, and then considered texting Gar to ask where you actually were - and then he went and took a long shower so he wouldn’t be able to touch his phone at all for a while.
…
When Jason went back to Gotham, Bruce made him go to therapy.
Jason thought that the entire thing was a colossal waste of time, but Bruce insisted that if he was ever going to wear the Robin mask again - he was going to get ‘cleared’ first.
Apparently, something about being kidnapped by a murderous psychopath, dropped off a building, and going to a funeral all in the span of a month doesn’t really scream of stability.
Jason was weary of Leslie at first.
He genuinely thought that her only job was to dig around for his secrets - any signs of his weakness, and report them back to Bruce. He still wasn’t all too trusting when she tried to assure him that whatever she said would stay between the two of them. But he wanted to get back to being Robin. He wanted to get back to doing his job. And if getting all mushy with her was the fastest way of doing that, then he would.
…
They were playing the stupid word association game again.
“Mother.” Leslie said, posing the first word.
“Fucker.” Jason said upon instinct, doing what he did best - deflecting from being too vulnerable by using crude humor.
Leslie gave him a deep frown, and he actually felt a pang of guilt at disappointing her.
She was one of the only adults in his life that he had ever felt bad for disappointing. Not because she put too many expectations on him - but because she didn’t. Because she expected pretty much nothing of him, and he wanted to show her that he could be great. He wanted to defy whatever bullshit Bruce had told her about him. He wanted to show her that he was more than worthy of being Robin again.
“Sorry.” He said timidly. “Habit.”
“It’s okay.” She said, forgiving him too easily. Jason wasn’t used to being forgiven.
Jason appreciated it - nobody had ever given him the chance to ‘try again’. Not even you. But he was glad about that. When you mocked him for his mistakes or called him out on his bullshit, it made him want to try harder. You were the only person in the world that he found himself actively trying for. Everyone else - he didn’t give a fuck what they thought of him. He knew that they always had preconceived notions of what he was - a screw-up, a street kid pretending while waltzing around in Robin’s costume.
But when you looked at him, you saw an asshole trying to be clever and you tore right through that persona, looking for something real. So even though he hated it - even though it made him wiggle and gape like a fish on land - he showed you more and more real parts of himself. And he couldn’t deny how good it made him feel when he was with you.
So, practicing the honesty that you had forced him to find within himself, Jason tried a more honest approach to Leslie’s word game.
“We can try again.” Leslie said, taking a small breath. “Mother.”
“Gone.” He said, announcing the first thing that truly came to mind when he thought of that word.
“Father.” Leslie moved on to the next word.
“Bruce.” Jason felt far too naked and vulnerable when saying this, but it was true.
Bruce was the closest thing to a father that he ever had.
And Jason knew that he was a bad son, constantly disappointing him - constantly failing to live up to the giant shadow that Dick had left behind.
“Robin.” She said.
“Freedom.” He easily responded.
“San Francisco.”
Jason felt like she was cheating at this point - trying to get him to weep and cry and spill all of his secrets like some kind of soap opera. He felt like she was purposefully pitching hits at his weak spots and waiting for him to block or be taken down.
“Mistake.” He said, trying his hardest not to flex back on his honesty.
He wasn’t even sure what he meant by that. If going there had been a mistake, or if he had made too many mistakes while he was there. Either way, it felt like the truth.
“Safe.” She announced the next word, and Jason was not at all surprised by the first thing that came to mind.
“Y/N.” He said your name without hesitation.
You were the only safe thing in his life. The only thing - the only person that ever truly made him feel safe. Sometimes he was terrified of losing you, or hurting you, or poisoning you as badly as he had done with so many other people. But when he was in your arms, it was so easy to forget about all of that.
You were safe.
Which was a fucking rare commodity in his life.
Leslie saw the look that came across his features - the look of fond longing mixed with gut wrenching fear. Naturally, she wanted to dig more into this. She knew that someone like Jason hadn’t grown up feeling safe, and she was curious why the concept of safety came to him now as a person’s name - and why he seemed so conflicted about it, about someone he had never even mentioned before.
“Who is Y/N?” Leslie asked. Jason didn’t immediately answer, so she prodded more. “Boyfriend? Girlfriend? … Friend?”
Leslie didn’t presume to know Jason’s sexuality, or the gender of his special person (and she wouldn’t judge him, no matter what he said) - but beyond gender, for Jason, it was even more complicated than that.
Jason didn’t know what to call you when speaking about you to someone else.
A friend that he sometimes fucks? Should he even call you a friend?
You had tried to save his life, but before that, the two of you had never really been friendly. Mostly argumentative. But no matter how much the two of you argued, you had never hurt him the way that Dick had, or Bruce had. Or even the way that the other Titans had when they had accused him of all those things he hadn’t done.
Your arguments were playful. The two of you never said anything to each other that would actually dig deep, that was ever truly meant to hurt. Nothing like when the Titans had doubted Jason’s loyalty to the team - had accused him of truly trying to harm them. Your arguments with him always held a certain kind of passion. Every time you fired back against dumb shit that he said, even if you were blatantly disagreeing with him for sport - it meant that you cared.
Jason shrugged. “Kind of.”
“Can you… explain more?” Leslie asked, careful and curious.
“Shit’s complicated.” Jason mumbled, truly unsure what to say in order to describe the situation.
“Okay, well… whoever this special person is, whatever they mean to you… why is it that they make you feel safe?”
Now that was a million dollar question.
Jason had never really asked himself that before. The ‘why’.
“Well…”
He began trying to explain it, and found himself stuck for words. But Leslie was patient, and waited for him to find the right ones.
“It’s like…” Jason sighed, finding the whole thing very difficult. “It’s like Y/N knows what I am.”
“‘What you are’?” Leslie parroted back, using his own phrasing carefully. “And what would that be?”
“An asshole. Ya know - a fuck-up.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Y/N has seen it first hand. They know me - they - they’ve seen all the worst parts of me, and… somehow, they don’t care. Y/N saw me at my worst and didn’t run.”
It was the best way that Jason could think to describe it. Everyone else who had seen him beaten down and broken - Dick, Bruce, the other Titans - they all saw him at his worst and wanted to dump him at the first possible opportunity. But you held onto him tighter and refused to let go. Even when he struggled in your loving hold like an animal caught in a trap - you still held onto him tighter than anyone else ever had.
And it made him feel a little less broken each time that he was with you.
“Okay.” Leslie smiled. “So - you find safety in not being judged? In… being allowed to be messy?”
“Yeah.” Jason nodded.
“Well, that’s perfectly normal.” She told him.
Jason found an odd sense of relief in this. There wasn’t a lot that was normal in his life.
“A lot of great relationships - whether they are friendships, or something more-”
Jason resisted the urge to speak up and say that you and him were definitely in the ‘something more’ category, but he didn’t want to jinx it. Not when it was yet to be official.
“-are founded on the truth. Founded on two people coming together because they find safety in being allowed to be their most authentic self with the other person. Feeling that they can make mistakes without being judged.” She explained this to him gently, and Jason couldn’t stop thinking about you. “So if you have that with someone, you should embrace it. Embrace that feeling of safety.”
Jason definitely had that with you. Or - he had the start of that with you. And he wanted so badly to embrace. To see where a life with you would go. Maybe it was something he wanted even more badly than becoming Robin again.
Ultimately, Jason knew that he wanted to be loved, even at his worst. But he thought that even you weren’t capable of that. Nobody was.
“Next word.” Leslie looked back down at her list. “Fear.”
Jason didn’t take long with that one either.
“Y/N.”
Leslie looked utterly confused at this one.
But - he was too raw, and he ended the session before she could prod him to explain it further.
…
Jason was afraid that he wasn’t good enough for you.
He was afraid that if the time ever came, if you were ever in danger - he wasn’t going to be able to save you like you had tried to do for him. Thinking back on it, he had no clue how you had so boldly stepped into the line of fire, how you had dangled yourself out of a window that many stories high, desperately holding onto him.
You acted fearless, put yourself on the line just to save his life - ultimately, one that wasn’t worth saving.
And if he couldn’t do the same for you, then he wasn’t worth the risks you had taken for him at all.
It was this mindset that brought him to visiting Crane in prison. He worked hard to reverse manufacture the Fear Gas, wanting to be brave for you - not knowing that it would ultimately be his downfall.
…
Going to your grandmother’s house was certainly… interesting.
She was rich. Old money rich.
It was the type of wealth you had encountered very sparsely in your life. Initially, you had only met that type of rich person for the first time when you had met Dick - someone who drove a vintage Ashton Martin and said it was a ‘family heirloom’, yet thought nothing of trading it in for a minivan on a whim.
When you first moved into the Tower - a million dollar condo with advanced tech that you could barely comprehend at first, you didn’t easily feel comfortable among all of the shiny, lavish, modern furniture and the fancy touchscreens just to access everyday necessities. At the time, you had still been sporting an illegally jailbroken iPhone 6 that you had pickpocketed off some random guy a few years prior, and soon as Dick found out about that fact, he insisted on buying you a new phone that you had a very difficult time accepting because you were not at all good with gifts or ‘being spoiled’. You felt awkward accepting something that you hadn’t worked for.
It was one of the reasons that you so easily crumbled to Jason’s sexual advances.
You felt so fucking alone when you first started living in the Tower. Your queen sized bed with a brand new mattress and brand new sheets felt too big. Being so new, it felt too cold. Sometimes you went stir-crazy, thinking about how much the silverware in the kitchen cost and the fact that the fucking television had an ipad for a remote (which apparently also controlled the curtains and the lights in the living room) - fixating on how if you had pawned those things off, if could have fed so many hungry children.
At the time, you were desperate for a distraction. Jason became a very easy one to fall into. It was all too easy to fall asleep in his bed afterwards, because even if you hated the smell of Axe body wash and drying cum, sleeping beside someone, having a warm body at your back - it eased you so much more than sleeping in a big luxurious bed by yourself.
Your grandmother’s house was a different type of rich than the Tower was. Most definitely not modern; everything in her house was about as old as things can get - but still rich. It seemed that she was blatantly against technology, in fact. She didn’t seem to have a TV anywhere in the place, and all the phones were corded into the walls like it was the 80s, and she often mocked you for being so ‘obsessed’ with that ‘brick’ in your pocket (checking, looking for Jason’s calls or texts).
All of the furniture was far older than you, and well taken care of. Polished, the fabric clearly patched or reupholstered by professionals in places where it had worn down over time. She was the nick-nack type. Tall china cabinets full of fancy dishes with patterns on them, and the moment she caught you looking at them, she went on long winding stories about how the pieces were rare antiques that had been owned by some Duke from some place in Europe - again, something more expensive than you could comprehend or even really care about.
Like it had said in the letter, your grandmother had brain cancer.
She had a large tumor that was eventually going to kill her. Apparently money can buy a lot of things - but it can’t buy a miracle treatment. The tumor had invaded too much of her brain before it had been discovered, and operating on it at her age was more likely to mean death than recovery. And as she so gracefully put it, she would rather spend her last days ‘in grace and dignity’ than to be balding and ‘out of her mind’ - so she didn’t accept the only potentially helpful chemo treatment that was offered to her.
Apparently, one of her last wishes was to meet and spend time with the grandchild that she had ‘lost’ when your mother took you away all those years ago. Your grandmother seemed nice enough - she peppered you with cheek kisses and invited you to tea the moment that you came in through the door. She had even sent a limo to pick you up at the airport, which made you feel far too important and awkward, sitting alone in the back of the expensive vehicle with a classical music station playing that you felt too intimidated to attempt to change.
And although your paranoid instincts were waiting for some horror movie reveal, waiting for someone to drug you and tell you that she was going to perform some voodoo ritual on you in order to use your young, healthy body to keep living her life and that’s all she wanted you for - you stuck around. Because the longer you waited with baited breath, the less that seemed to be the case.
If the old woman wanted to spend her last weeks of life telling you winding stories about old dishes from Europe and drinking tea with you on her porch, then you would consider it a much needed vacation. You would simply sit down and listen.
…
“And you know, her granddaughter, she was a - a handmaiden for the Duchess of Yorke, and…”
When you looked over at your grandmother, she had fallen asleep mid-sentence, holding her tea cup at an odd angle that made the small amount of tea inside almost dribble out. Though she had been talking just a moment before, telling a long, winding story about the history of the vase holding the flowers in the middle of the table - she let out a deep snore, and you worried that she was going to drop her cup or spill tea in her lap.
Strangely, after such a short period of time being around her, you found yourself caring for the woman.
You put down your own cup and crept over to her, trying not to wake her, and gently wriggled the cup out of her hands to place it down on the table.
You nearly jumped out of your skin when your phone buzzed in your back pocket. When you realized what the sudden, frightening feeling was, you took a deep breath and calmed down. Your grandmother had asked you to turn it off and leave it in your room, a luxurious guest room that she had you staying in, but you couldn’t help yourself. You missed Jason and you were eagerly waiting to talk to him. You didn’t want to miss a potential call or text from him.
You made sure that your grandmother was sleeping peacefully (in the oddly upright position as it was) before you took out your phone and sat back in your own chair, looking to see who had texted you.
New message from The Flightless Bird
Yes, Jason had a very strange contact name in your phone. For a while, you had kept it as Hot Guy, as it had originally entered it, before changing it to (Not) Hot Guy as a joke. Then, when the two of you started living at the Tower, it became a running gag for you to steal each other’s phones whenever possible and change the contact name to something strange and odd, usually paired with a memey photo to jokingly represent the other person.
After the incident where he had free fallen from the building to his near death, he had changed his contact name in your phone to ‘The Flightless Bird’ - a terrible bit of dark humor. You loved it, and you had kept it since then.
Right before you had left for your flight out, you had snuck into his room and grabbed his phone while he had been sleeping, and changed your contact name in his phone from ‘Cold Hands, Hot Ass’ to ‘Bootycall Temporarily Unavailable’. Mostly because you didn’t need him sending you dickpics at three in the morning when he got bored. As much as you loved his cock, you thought about how weird it would be trying to get off in your grandmother’s house and Jason was so damn persistent and so damn tempting.
You did have to wonder what PG-13 texting would be like between the two of you. It had been incredibly rare. All of your text conversations before living together at the Tower were R-rated enough to send anybody who read them into a mental meltdown.
Before you could wonder if you should send him a message, making it clear that he wasn’t to pull any of his typical fuckboy antics, you opened his latest message, and a large smile ripped across your face.
The Flightless Bird: ‘I miss you like hell.’
You hated that you grinned uncontrollably and your stomach flipped like a teenager with a stupid crush, but you couldn’t help it. Jason just made you feel like that these days. Even just knowing that he had been missing you too - that he had been thinking about you. That was something that had you floating as you typed out your reply, trying not to seem too desperate in your response.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘Gotham must be really boring if you miss hanging out with me.’
You sent back the simple message and opened another app, browsing while you waited for his reply, trying not to seem too eager.
Moments later, your phone buzzed again.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Gotham is Gotham. It’s always been a boring shithole. The only time it’s not boring is when some fucker in a mask is trying to kill everyone.’
So very Jason. Before you could reply, he sent another message.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Plus, it’s not just hanging out with you that I miss. ;)’
Leave it to him to make even a virtual wink look so incredibly sleazy. Somehow, it brought up fond feelings within you because you had missed him so much.
You resisted the urge to tell him to cool it. Especially because your grandmother was sitting at the table with you. But you didn’t want him to get the wrong idea and start sending his cock out of nowhere.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘Oh, you make it sound so appealing for me to visit.’
Then you quickly added on:
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘Dealing with homicidal psychos in costumes and you nagging me for a dick appointment. You on the Gotham tourism board?’
It was only a moment before your messages were seen, and you could practically hear Jason’s dry laughter in response, even though he was so far away. You felt validated when he sent you back several laughter emojis and then quickly typed out another message.
The Flightless Bird: ‘I am, actually. First stop on the tour - my bed. Second stop - night patrol. We spend a few hours kicking ass together. Which leads into our third stop - Little Tony’s downtown for some pizza. Aka the only reason I keep coming back to this shithole.’
You couldn’t help but to grin at the thought of it. You resisted the urge to hide your face in your hands, almost embarrassed at just how cheek-splitting your smile was - waiting for someone to call you out on it.
Your imagination ran away with you, and you couldn’t help but to feel warm, thinking about yourself living out his ideal day in Gotham. Being warm in his arms again, feeling his touch all over your body. Getting thoroughly fucked and only leaving his bed when the call of those in need beckoned you both to action.
You soon began picturing yourself in some spandex costume - something you didn’t yet have and made fun of Jason for wearing so often, perhaps slightly out of jealousy because he actually got the importance of a title and a suit and you didn’t yet have either. You imagined yourself in something themed around a hero name with an ice pun to suit your powers, kicking ass beside Jason while he proudly carried the mantle of Robin. The two of you taking down criminals like a perfectly paired team and topping off your night with pizza from a familiar place that Jason praised.
You began typing again.
… Robin’s Ice Machine is typing ….
‘You wanna make it a date, Jay?’
But you feared that it would sound too forward. That he was simply joking about all of it and you would seem too eager. So you deleted that message before you sent it and typed out something else instead.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘You brave the streets of downtown Gotham just for pizza?’
The Flightless Bird: ‘It’s worth it.’
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘I guess they probably give Robin the hero discount.’
You typed out the message and sent it without thinking.
You had been so absorbed in your own world over the past few weeks that you had no clue that Robin hadn’t been active on the streets of Gotham for a while. You hadn’t checked the news or hadn’t thought to check in with the biggest Robin fan you knew (Gar) to ask for updates.
But ever since Jason had gotten back to Gotham - Robin hadn’t seen a night of patrol, his costume quarantined away in the Batcave like Bruce considered him some kind of disease.
The Flightless Bird: ‘I wouldn’t know.’
You found this reply to be confusing, but waited patiently while Jason typed out more.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Bruce has me benched. He said I’m not allowed to take on Robin again until I get “cleared” by a fucking shrink. Like I’m a fucking war vet or something. He’s acting like I jumped off that building on purpose or some shit.’
You wanted to remind him that in a sense, he did. That he had begged you to let him go because he hadn’t thought that he was worth saving. But you didn’t want to rub salt into the wounds. Instead, you felt curious about his words and hoped that he wouldn’t clam up if you went prodding.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘Bruce has you seeing a shrink?’
You were more than tense with curiosity at this point. More than anything, you wondered if it was actually helping Jason, or if he was just going through the motions, trying to please Bruce.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Yeah. Someone named Leslie. Wants me to talk about my feelings and be vulnerable and all that type of bullshit.’
For once, this was something that Bruce had done that actually gave you hope for Jason’s future.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘Maybe it’s not a bad idea.’
… The Flightless Bird is typing …
The typing bubbles appeared at the top of the screen a few times and then disappeared, indicating that Jason had read your message and was unsure about what to say in reply. Your stomach twisted up and you hated it. You hated to think that you might have insulted him.
Finally, after a few long moments, he sent something back.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Do you think I’m crazy?’
There it was. He was terrified that you thought he was broken. That because he had to go to therapy - it meant he was weak. That’s probably what Bruce thought. Or why he feared that he had been benched from being Robin.
You carefully chose your words as you replied.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘I don’t know.’
You easily sent in a single message, and he read it quickly. And then, you moved on to adding more, clarifying your words.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘I don’t know if you’re crazy or not, and I don’t care.’
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘I know that you’re kind of fucked up - but so am I. And I don’t want to spend my time around anyone else because your kind of fucked up matches my fucked up really perfectly, and nobody else understands me like you do.’
You sent the messages, and then thought of something important to add.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘There is no normal well adjusted person in the world who would understand me like you do. Fuck normal people.’
(On the other end, Jason grinned and sighed with relief when he read these messages.)
The Flightless Bird: ‘Yeah. Fuck normal people.’
Jason easily echoed back the sentiment, and then he said something that you weren’t entirely expecting.
The Flightless Bird: ‘This therapy bullshit has got me thinking about a lot of things.’
You resisted the urge to make a ‘don’t hurt yourself’ joke - but you knew that he was sensitive, and you should encourage him to open up rather than make jokes. It was something that a version of yourself from a few months ago would have done without hesitation, but you absolutely knew that things between you and Jason had changed. Hopefully, for the better.
While you were mulling that over in your head, Jason typed out another message.
The Flightless Bird: ‘I don’t think my place is with Bruce anymore.’
You were curious what he meant by this. Did he want to quit being Robin? Had he come to realize that everything Dick said about Bruce was actually true?
When that argument came up, multiple times, you were never sure whose side to choose. You had never known the man personally, but you did find it strange that Jason seemed to idolize him and Dick seemed to resent him like he was some kind of cartoon villain. If anything, it made you wary and cautious of Bruce.
Especially because you knew that Jason had been intensely dependent on Bruce when they first met - he had just aged out of foster care, and he had the ‘choice’ of being homeless or becoming Robin. And who would really make that choice when three square a day, a giant mansion, and a shining costume are staring you in the face? Especially after everything else Jason had been through - all the adults who had given up on him, told him he was nothing. Then he was being presented with the chance to truly be something, someone so damn important.
Again, before you could question him, Jason saw that you had read the message and moved to explain himself further.
The Flightless Bird: ‘When I was at the Tower, I thought that being away from him…’
The Flightless Bird: ‘I thought that not being Robin was a punishment. But now I know that it was really good for me. And not for the reasons he thinks - not because I was benched and focusing on training.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘I got to be away from Bruce. I got some distance from the way he made me think about myself - about Robin. I used to think that I was nothing without him. That I was just some bullshit street kid nobody and him picking me up and making me Robin was what MADE me something.’
Your heart ached reading this.
So that was why he idolized Bruce so much. He thought that he would be nothing without the old man. He didn’t see all of his own strength and determination that he put into Robin. He didn’t see all of his own bravery and resolute stubbornness.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Now I realize that I can be something without him.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘I know it sounds like sappy bullshit, but you’re the one who helped me realize that I am something without him. That I can be great - even without Robin.’
You re-read the message a few times over, those words clutching at your throat, nearly bringing you to tears. For a long time, a part of you thought that you weren’t good for Jason. That you were just another nagging force in his life, another negativity. Then - you thought that you were just something he used to fill the time, to distract from the mental noise, as you did with him. And even then, as you realized that you needed him in other ways, and you might be coming to love him - you thought that he would never feel the same about you.
You thought that you had been fighting a losing battle, trying to comfort someone who didn’t want it, or wouldn’t accept it. But reading those words, feeling the rawness of their honesty - it flowed through you and hit you with a radical force.
You actually helped him.
You thought he was too stubborn and hard-headed to get through to, but hearing it directly from him - that was nice. It was more than nice, it was… it shook you to your core.
Your phone vibrated in your hand again, and you realized that you had gone too long without responding.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Too much?’
Clearly he thought that he had frightened you off.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘Not too much.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘Good. So you won’t think it’s too much if I tell you that I’ve been looking at apartments?’
Wait - what?
You had barely finished reading the message before he sent you a screenshot of an online listing - a picture of some shady, broken-down building. When you glanced at the address, you were almost sure that it was in downtown Gotham.
You wanted to believe that Jason was joking. But from the general tone of the conversation, he didn’t seem to be. He was eager to get away from Bruce, to be out on his own.
Your stomach curled with warmth at the thought of you and Jason living together, and this time not because of some half-baked superhero team. But by choice. This time because you were… what? Friends? Lovers?
You armed yourself with humor as you replied.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘Jason, that’s downtown Gotham. It’s a shithole.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘Oh, living with rich grandmama has you getting used to the fancy pants lifestyle now? Shall I start looking at mansions with 500 acres and golden swimming pools?’
You let out a small chuckle at his joke. You could practically hear him reciting the words with a fake snooty accent to drive home his point, but you eagerly felt the need to correct him.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘Hey, I grew up in shitholes too. You know a lot of the time I didn’t even have a roof, Jay.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘Yes, and you slept on a bed of bricks and ate dirt for dinner. Oliver Twist ass. You’re the only person I know who grew up more poor than I did.’
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘The correct tense is: poorer.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘Yet you could afford grammar lessons? Damn.’
You couldn’t hold back a small bit of laughter at this. One of the things he hated most was you correcting his grammar, and you still found it highly amusing.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘My point is that all this fancy shit makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I can’t even sit down on the furniture at my grandmother’s properly.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘Grandmama will probably have it steam cleaned when you leave. To get the street rat smell out.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘Anyway, do you like the apartment or not?’
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘I don’t know. It looks… sketchy.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘It is. It’s a sketchy ass neighborhood.’
You started typing out a reply full of protests against this, wondering why he would want the two of you to live in a place that was full of drug dealers and other crime, but he beat you to it with another message - and when you read it, your heart warmed.
The Flightless Bird: ‘But - I thought me and you could help keep it safer.’
You grinned widely at this again.
You resisted the urge to correct his grammar again, wanting to tell him the tense was ‘you and I’. He was truly onto something here and you didn’t want to ruin the moment for him.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘I’ll have to see it in person first.’
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘When I come to Gotham.’
You had no clue what stupid love bug had bitten you - but you were seriously agreeing to go view an apartment with Jason Todd. And you were more excited than anything else.
You finally resigned to the idea, feeling a certain kind of joy in making plans with him. You were entirely unfamiliar with the feeling of looking forward to the future. It was delightfully strange.
For the first time in your entire life, you felt giddy and optimistic for the future.
On the other end, Jason pumped an arm and cheered quietly to himself, knowing that he would hold you to the promise of coming to Gotham to visit him. Knowing that once he had you in town, he would somehow talk you into getting an apartment with him.
This was just the start of your life together. In his mind, this was just the first of many plans.
The Flightless Bird: ‘You could be on a plane tomorrow.’
The Flightless Bird: ‘I’ll pay for your ticket.’
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘You mean Daddy would?’
You knew Jason was rolling his eyes at this, and while he rushed to type out protests about Bruce being his ‘Daddy’, you corrected his initial thought.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘I can’t come tomorrow, anyway. My trip isn’t supposed to end for another week, at least.’
You didn’t want to tell him that you were getting attached to your grandmother, and you didn’t want to leave her yet. You thought he might mock you for developing those vulnerable familial attachments too quickly. And he would have been right.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Well, don’t take too long. I miss your stupid face.’
In your mind, the only proper response to this was to open your camera and take a picture of yourself - one crudely sticking your tongue out and flipping him off.
You sent it to him and received back several heart emojis.
The Flightless Bird: ‘Gorgeous as always, babe.’
Right then, Jason made that picture into his lockscreen.
You rolled your eyes, and bit your lip to suppress another stupid giddy smile.
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘And you’re a charming asshole, as always.’
Robin’s Ice Machine: ‘But I guess you’re mine.’
You sent the last part without much thought, feeling a twist in your gut when Jason read it and didn’t immediately reply. You stared at the screen for several long moments, waiting for something, wondering how he would react -
But then your attention was snapped away from your conversation with Jason when your grandmother let out a loud snort and woke from her nap.
“Playing with that brick again?” She said, sounding quite displeased.
Though you felt anxious, wondering if you had scared Jason away with your affection, you locked the screen and put the phone back into your pocket.
“Sometimes these ‘bricks’ can be useful.” You told her. “Maybe you should get one.”
You suggested it on the idea that you could communicate with her more easily once your trip was over, though you knew what her stance on the matter was. It didn’t hurt to try.
“Oh deary. I’d never want to strain my eyes looking at that. You know what they say - old dogs, and such.” She let out a small yawn. “Besides, I have heard they can give you cancer.”
You let out a snort of laughter. At least it was nice to know where your sense of dark humor came from.
…
Jason wasn’t sure why he did it.
Bruce told him not to. It should have been obvious that it was a trap. If history had anything to say about it - the Joker never made himself that obvious unless he wanted to get caught. Unless he was planning something and he wanted a lot of people to get caught up in the smoke.
Unless the Joker blatantly wanted attention, then he stayed hidden.
Maybe it was the Anti-Fear Gas. Maybe Jason needed to prove that he was brave. That he was good enough to take up the mantle of Robin again - even if he didn’t necessarily want it. Deep down, he needed to prove to himself that he was good enough for you. That he wasn’t just some broken bird that you needed to fix.
Jason thought the drug made him brave, but it probably just made him stupid. He thought this would be a good field test for it. But it just made his senses dull and useless to everything around him. It made him less aware of his surroundings, it blurred out all his fight or flight that nature intended.
When Bruce said that fear served him, he had no clue that this is what the old man meant.
The Anti-Fear Gas made perfect conditions for someone to sneak up on him.
He heard the cackling laughter - a sound coming from one of those stupid carnival machines, or from the Joker himself, he wasn’t sure - before he even realized what was going on. There was a bag over his head and some heavy, hazy drug forced under his nose.
He was stupid.
He thought he learned something from the incident with Doctor Light.
But it turns out that he was just as stupid as everyone accused him of being.
Because when he woke up, he was right back there. Tied to a chair. Confused. And when the Anti-Fear Gas started to wear off - he was scared. Utterly terrified. Just like he had been on that night.
Bruce was at some investors’ meeting halfway around the world. When Jason didn’t pick up his calls, didn’t answer his texts - he thought that Jason was still pissed off about the fight they had before he left. Bruce tried to give him distance. Without Alfred around to keep an eye on him, nobody reported Jason missing.
Nobody even noticed that he was gone.
…
When Jason stopped answering your texts, you got a horrible feeling in your gut.
The next time you looked at your phone, he had left you on read, and you had an utterly horrible feeling about it. Your stomach twisted over on itself, you became ripe with worry. You immediately wanted to cry to Dick about it, beg him to go searching for Jason’s tracker, or at the very least, call Bruce and ask to confirm where Jason was.
But technically - you had nothing to cry about.
Jason wasn’t your boyfriend. He didn’t owe you anything. Especially not his time. He didn’t owe you an immediate reply to your messages. He wasn’t supposed to be at your beckoned call like a loyal dog.
You had to guess that he got busy training. That he was angry with Bruce, so he was spending extra hours at the gym, working off that anger. Maybe he had doubled down on the apartment search and he was somewhere in downtown Gotham, looking at more shitholes where he didn’t have any service.
At the very worst, you thought maybe you had scared him off with your affection. You thought maybe he was finally realizing that he didn’t want that big, scary thing with you, and he was getting ready to run away from it. Maybe he was debating blocking your number so that he didn’t have to break-off this non-relationship with you.
Maybe he had met someone else.
You went over the possibilities - made yourself sick, wondering why he wasn’t answering you.
But you had never considered the most sickening possibility of them all.
…
As usual, the Joker had seemingly no aim with his chaos.
He took Jason to some random location. Tied him up, hit him. Some of the Joker’s goons came and went. The Joker talked about potentially setting Jason out as ‘bait’ for the Bat to come and get. Jason wanted to tell him that his precious Bat was out of town, but he couldn’t risk revealing Bruce’s identity if he divulged that information.
If that was the Joker’s plan - using Jason as bait - he waited a long time to get on with it.
He spent the interim torturing Jason in increasingly creative ways.
Jason watched the sun rise and fall three different times - through a tiny window in whatever place they were keeping him. When darkness fell on the fourth day, his eyes were becoming too swollen to see light anymore.
Jason tried not to flinch when he heard footsteps approaching.
Every single inch of Jason’s body ached - he was sure that he had fingers broken, an arm broken. Broken ribs. He had several missing teeth, and he was leaking blood freely into his mouth. If he did get out of this, he would be severely fucked up for the rest of his life.
But he had a feeling that the Joker wasn’t going to let him out of this.
A cold hand moved across his forehead, and instinctively, he flinched away from it. The Joker tutted his tongue, and other voices came - echoes of laughter in the room, goons he had brought along with him.
“So shy, Little Birdie.” The Joker’s voice mocked him. “You weren’t so shy when you came looking for me… in fact, you were eager then. Eager, eager, eager. Eager to play my games. But you don’t wanna play now, do you?”
Jason was exhausted. But he knew that he couldn’t give up. If he stopped fighting, then the Joker had won.
“Fuck you.” Jason said, fighting past blood flowing in his mouth, deflated, clearly tired.
But he was still fighting.
The Joker laughed.
Cruel. Harsh.
“Well, I’ll take that as a sign - game on!”
The Joker clapped his hands together above Jason’s head, loudly. Jason hated that he flinched. There was another round of laughter from the goons.
Jason expected that the ‘game’ would be something violent. Removing his fingers, having the goons take turns to hit him harder. Perhaps they would strap him to some kind of target and make up point values for his different limbs and then have a knife throwing contest around him.
But no.
It seemed that they were growing bored of physical violence.
Something that Jason hadn’t even thought of - an utterly terrifying possibility.
With his eyes out of commission, he was relying on his ears more. He heard a small click, a button being pushed - if he wasn’t mistaken, it was someone trying to wake the lockscreen of a phone. It was very close to his head.
“My, my, that is a pretty one.” The Joker teased.
Jason sucked in a sharp breath, causing a painful sting in his likely broken ribs as an even more painful realization hit him.
They had taken his phone. The Joker was talking about you.
He should never have made that picture of you into his lockscreen, you were too important, he had put you in danger -
“Tell me, does this pretty thing have a name?”
The Joker chuckled - Jason thought maybe the phone with your picture was being waved in front of his face, but he couldn’t quite see it.
“Oh wait! You can’t see it, can you?” The Joker seemed amused to remember this, his voice light and jaunty as the thought crossed his mind.
“Fuck you!” Jason spat out, much more energized now, refreshed with the might of protecting you - quite literally spitting blood, hopefully getting some on the clown.
The Joker simply let out another cackling laugh.
There was a ping. A text message coming in.
Let it be Bruce. Let it be Dick. Let it be Gar, for fuck’s sake. Anybody but you.
“You know, this friend of yours sends an awful lot of text messages.”
The Joker chuckled, putting emphasis on that word, clearly mocking Jason’s relationship status with you. Even with his psychotic mind, he could see that Jason loved you more than he cared to admit, and he was terrified to speak it aloud.
“‘Jason, I’m worried about you. Please text me back when you can. I know it’s stupid to be worried just cause I haven’t heard from you in a few days, but Gotham is a stupid shithole and I wanna know that you haven’t been eaten by a giant mutant crocodile or something.’”
Jason’s skin crawled when the Joker read a text from you aloud.
You were worried.
Jason was beaten, dying because of the consequences of his own stupid actions, and you were worried.
“Well, that’s almost sweet.” The Joker sniggered. “You’ve been ignoring these for days now! That’s rude!”
Another round of laughter from the goons.
Jason was then struck with the realization that because of his current situation - idiotically kidnapped, tied to a chair, beaten - he had been ignoring you for days. He had unintentionally caused you to worry, on top of everything else. He had hurt you.
Had you sent someone looking for him? Would he actually somehow get out of this? Was there a chance that he might actually be rescued?
“I think we should answer. Your sweet little friend deserves some closure - a load off the mind, you know.”
The Joker’s voice took on a menacing dark tone as he said this.
Jason’s insides clenched with horror. They had tortured him in almost every way imaginable - taken it as far as they could without actually killing him. They had inflicted all kinds of pain on his body. Now they were going to torture his mind.
They were pulling you into their game as a fucked up pawn.
“No!” Jason tried to weakly protest, but then, entirely against his will, came the sound of his phone unlocking. “Fuck you!”
He hadn’t put a password on it yet. It was relatively new - a present Bruce had gotten him when he had come back to Gotham. A bid to buy his affection. He hadn’t gotten around to putting a password on it yet.
Another stupid mistake.
Jason nearly lost his breath when he heard ringing. The Joker wasn’t just going to reply to your text messages - he was calling you.
Whatever happened to Jason next - whatever torture, whatever pain they inflicted upon him - they were going to make you listen.
…
One thing you had come to learn over the past week: rich people have a lot of peculiar habits.
Your grandmother would insist that you be there for afternoon tea at three o’clock sharp, and apparently having too much sugar in your tea was considered rude, because it was a reflection of the quality of the tea that the host had presented you with. She insisted that you ‘dress for dinner’ - which meant that you weren’t allowed to wear sweatpants at her formal dining table, and even ripped jeans were frowned upon. Also, sitting with your feet curled underneath you at the dining table caused her glare at you - a lot.
But as much as she had scolded you for your brutish, poor people ways - you had managed to bring her around to some of your ways of life. You showed her how binging reality shows could be fun, and that not all types of processed junk food were terribly beyond her taste.
It was probably why you were putting up with this now. The garden party.
You were surprised that she had been able to put together a party this elaborate so quickly. But she said that it was necessary because she had insisted that she wanted you to meet all of her friends.
You thought that it would be just a few people; no more than would fill up the dozen chairs that she had at her exceedingly large fancy dining table. But you grew more anxious as cars filled the long driveway and more people filled the ‘garden’ out back, picking at tables that had been set up with expensive catered food and sipping on drinks that were being poured by a bartender that had been highered last minute.
Of course - your grandmother insisted on picking an outfit for you. She didn’t bring herself to care where exactly on the gender spectrum you fell - she didn’t even bring up your birth gender at all, which surprised you, since she had known you as a baby. She simply took it at face value when you introduced yourself to her by name and the two of you easily rolled with things from there. It was strange for an old woman, especially one so caught up in the history of all the objects in her home. But you supposed that those deathbed regrets ran deep and she preferred to spend this time with you actually embracing you instead of arguing with you and potentially driving you away.
She insisted on picking your clothes because she simply hated your graphic band tee shirts and your ripped jeans, and insisted that you wear something ‘light and airy’ worthy of a garden party. All she had asked before she consulted her personal shopper was if you had a preference of pants or a skirt. And you couldn’t bring yourself to protest, even when you saw the pastel colours that you normally would have utterly hated.
You weren’t sure why you were trying so hard to impress someone that you barely knew - someone you could barely even call family. Perhaps it was because your mother had treated you so poorly - she had never cared if you were clothed or fed, so having someone buy you expensive new clothes after caring to have ‘family dinner’ with you every night, it was touching. Especially considering that she was throwing an entire party in your honor when your mother hadn’t even wished you ‘happy birthday’ most years - often forgot the day and let it pass without acknowledgment at all.
Everything your grandmother was going for you, it made you feel like you truly mattered for the first time in your young life.
Perhaps for the first time since Jason had insisted on stitching up your wound - after he had told you that you being hurt on his behalf in the first place was such a terrible crime. But you didn’t want to think about that too much because you missed him so terribly.
You did find yourself picky at the itchy, slightly too tight collar as you went downstairs to join the other guests. Your grandmother paraded you around, introduced you to different people. And soon, she abandoned you near one of the snack tables when she was called over by some ‘business associate’.
You couldn’t resist the urge to pull out your phone and check - your stomach sank when you saw that there was still nothing from Jason.
Entirely against your own will, you began typing.
‘Jason, I’m worried about you. Please text me back when you can. I know it’s stupid to be worried just cause I haven’t heard from you in a few days, but Gotham is a stupid shithole and I wanna know that you haven’t been eaten by a giant mutant crocodile or something.’
You hoped that he would reply soon. Even if it was telling you to fuck off.
You hated when you got sucked into another conversation with more people you didn’t know. You quickly found yourself mentally begging to be released from the hell as more and more people asked you questions that you couldn’t even begin to form the answers to.
“What are your top three?” One of the women asked you, looking at you with precise, dissecting eyes.
‘Top three what?’ You wanted to shriek.
“My Brandon is going to Dartmouth after summering in Metropolis. Doing a lot of volunteer work there - an angel, he is.”
The other women standing around you all nodded, giving approving looks with strangely fake smiles, and all you could do was nod and smile along with them.
‘Summering? Since when is that a verb?’
You wished more than anything that Jason was there with you. Not only would he pull you aside and relentlessly laugh at these plastic-y women with you, but you knew that he would be able to save you from this. He did have a bit more experience being around rich people because of Bruce, and he would actually be able to tell you what the hell they were saying. He would be able to translate all this shit to ‘Oliver Twist’ for you so that you wouldn’t feel like you were suddenly living on some alien planet.
“Where do you usually summer? When you’re not with your grandmother, that is?”
You felt more panic rise in you as another question was directed at you, desperately racking your brain for an answer that wouldn’t make you sound stupidly out of place to them.
Luckily, before you had to stumble your way through the interaction, your phone began to vibrate in the pocket of the overly expensive blazer that your grandmother had made you wear. You wanted to breathe a sigh of relief at the chance for distraction - even though it was probably a spam call, or Gar, calling to complain that he was lonely because Rachel wasn’t back from her trip yet. (Without you and Jason there, and with Rachel extending her stay on Themyscira, he near constantly complained to you that he was lonely, and that he hated everyone leaving.)
But still, you jumped at the chance to escape the many pairs of eyes, staring at you, studying your every move like you were a very fascinating bug. Looking at you like you were something that didn’t belong there.
“I have to take this.” You grinned at them, reaching to grab your phone out of your pocket.
You moved away from the group of clucking hens, hoping for some privacy in the conversation. Even if it was just Gar, you would use this opportunity to stall for as long as possible before being pulled back into the party.
When you took your phone out and saw Jason’s contact photo lighting up the screen, you couldn’t hold back the smile that broke across your cheeks. It was a picture of him sticking his tongue out that you had taken using the front facing camera when he had been annoying you over your shoulder one day.
Pure, unadulterated joy. That stupid teenager crush igniting your insides yet again.
You moved toward the refreshment table, knowing that you looked like an idiot as you stared down at your phone, smiling so widely.
You knew that you were in too deep. That you probably felt far more deeply for him than he did for you - that you would have dared to call it that deep, ‘tied together forever’ thing, and he probably wouldn’t.
But you were caring less and less each day. You were beginning not to care if he broke your heart.
At this point, you were just along for the ride.
A very small voice in the back of your head told you that maybe he was calling to break things off with you. Maybe, all this time that he had gone without speaking to you, he had been waiting, working up the courage, finding the right words to tell you that he was truly done with you.
But no. That wouldn’t be the case.
He had simply been busy. And now, he was calling to tell you what a hectic, shitty few days it had been, how much he had missed you -
“Hey, asshole. I don’t know if you leeched some of Rach’s psychic powers, but you called just in time to save me.”
You breathed into the receiver as soon as you picked up, throwing out a casual greeting, knowing that Jason wouldn’t be offended by the words.
“I always hesitate to say that you were right, but I am beginning to regret not taking you up on that offer to come with me. You should see some of these rich, stuck-up snobs - you would be laughing your ass off if you were here right now.”
There was a long silence.
Your stomach dropped.
On the other end, you had no clue that Jason felt that exact same sting of regret about not coming with you. If he had - the two of you could have been safe and happy together.
Fear clutched at your throat.
It was a basic instinct, but you knew that the silence wasn’t a good thing. You thought that all of your worst fears were about to come true. That Jason was about to tell you that he was truly done with you, that he never actually felt anything for you in the first place, and he was just working up the courage to speak the words aloud.
But it was so much worse than that. It was worse than anything you could have imagined.
A single, ragged breath.
Air struggling to get in and out of his lungs past broken bone - pain.
Standing in the radiance of a warm, pleasant afternoon, with people mingling happily all around you - all the life drained from you. All the happiness sucked out of the world in a matter of seconds.
You wanted to scream at the top of your lungs, wanted to cry out for help.
There was a unique cruelty in the fact that everyone else in the garden simply went on, chatting, laughing, engaging in merriment. The fact that they went about their stupid party, having no clue that a world away, in Gotham - a great tragedy was taking place.
All of those rich assholes sipped their drinks and carried on with their day, having no clue that your world was about to end.
“Jason?”
You knew that your voice was so utterly wounded, small and terrified. You made no effort to hide it.
There was a harsh sound - a collision of flesh, a groan. A hit. It was a sound that somehow made your guts twist in on themselves even more.
“Go on, Robin.”
That voice wasn’t Jason. It wasn’t someone you knew. It was wicked and harsh and made you want to scream. All you could do was swallow around a thick dryness that had formed in your throat - like sandpaper had been put there.
You didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t do anything more than listen.
“Go on, answer your pretty friend.”
Jason sucked in another harsh breath, and sputtered out a cough.
“I - I fucked up.” Jason said, his voice ragged. “I fucked up big time.”
You felt a hot, wet tear run down your face before you realized that you were crying. Your legs were filled with concrete and you felt the world spinning on its axis. It was a miracle that you managed to stay standing upright.
You couldn’t even comprehend how you might have looked to someone else in those moments, and truthfully it didn’t matter. No one else at the party even noticed the terrible grief that had struck you. They simply carried on, absorbed in their own little world.
“Jason?”
It hadn’t even occurred to you that you had given up Jason’s secret identity - the name behind the Robin mask. You were too busy quaking with fear, your chest tight as you considered: this might actually be the end of his life.
And you couldn’t do anything about it.
What the fuck could you do about it?
“What happened?” You rushed to ask, your voice full of breath, full of fear. “What’s happening?”
More tears poured down your face, and you swallowed around the tightness of your throat, forcing a clearness to be able to speak.
“I made a mistake.” Jason said, his voice coming out in a tight wheeze as he struggled to breathe. “I - I never should have gotten you involved in this.”
You knew what he really wanted to say. He wanted to apologize for letting you get close to him. For giving you the potential to get hurt.
“No!” You easily argued back. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
You decided right then and there - maybe you had decided a long time ago - if he broke your heart by leaving you alone, by dying, you didn’t care. You didn’t care if he left you fucked up and broken. All of the time the two of you had spent together - it had all been worth it.
You needed him to know that. You needed him to know.
“Jason, I-”
You hesitated for a moment before you said it. Before you crossed that line into the abyss. Your voice clouded with the thickness of your tears when you finally said the words.
“I love you.”
When he heard it, Jason let out a wounded howl.
You thought that he had been stabbed. You let out a sob of your own, echoing his pain.
You did not know that it was these words alone that damned him. It was something that hurt him more than any baseball bat crashing down over his knees or any brass knuckles against his jaw ever could have.
Moments before his death, you sentenced him to the worst crime of all - breaking your heart. Now, with his own foolish choices, he had damned you to a life without the one you loved. You had sentenced him to dying with the knowledge that he was the worst piece of shit to ever touch your life. That he truly had rotted everything good about you - just like he had promised.
You could have chosen anyone else, and you chose to love the stupid, fucked up, idiotic Jason Todd. The man who was about to die due to his own incompetence.
“Aww, isn’t that sweet?” The stranger’s voice was there again, mocking you.
You weren’t surprised that Jason didn’t say it back - but you hoped that your words, that you saying it brought some comfort to him.
You were about to open your mouth again, about to promise that you would find him and rescue him in time.
And then another pillar of hell struck you.
“Now, it’s time for the little birdie to go bye-bye.”
You couldn’t even muster your voice again, couldn’t scream out against this. Your throat was swollen shut, like an allergic reaction to the tragedy as it happened.
There was a silence - a second of your life that swallowed you whole like an abyss of fifty endless years.
And then, that silence was cut through by the worst sound you had ever been forced to hear.
A gunshot.
The sound was distinctive, clear as day.
“Jason?!”
You screamed his name at the top of your lungs - this time, undeniably drawing attention to yourself. Even the plastic party goers couldn’t ignore a tragedy of this magnitude. You couldn’t bring yourself to care as multiple of their heads snapped toward you, taking in the now utterly disheveled sight of you, crying, clutching at your phone like it was the most precious thing in the world.
“Jason?!” You screamed again, your voice nagging into a hopelessly dead line.
You didn’t know that they had smashed Jason’s phone, disposing of it now that they were done with their game.
Upon instinct, you ran. Your legs were heavy and felt stupid and you stumbled into multiple people on your way into the house, causing murmurs as the crowd stared at you. You didn’t care. You were panicked, shaking, confused. You made your way up to the guest bedroom that you had been staying in and began frantically shoving your things back into your bag, half-packed when you finally realized that you had no clue where you were going.
And you collapsed onto the floor, then. Your whole body was weak, overtaken by shock. Clueless and terrified, your chest was barely taking in breath and your own phone slipped out of your shaking hand when you tried to think of your next move.
For a long time - what felt like endless hours, days - you could do nothing but sit there and desperately try to suck air into your lungs, playing the gunshot sound over and over again in your mind.
They shot Jason. They shot Jason. They had shot Jason.
Your brain could hardly process it.
One of your grandmother’s caretakers knocked on the bedroom door and you couldn’t gather words to answer. When she asked you what had happened, you couldn’t even begin to explain. That was when you realized that you had needed concrete answers yourself. So as she left the room to make you some peppermint tea ‘for your nerves’, you forced your shaking hands to work, and you grabbed up your phone again.
You needed to call Dick.
He didn’t pick up. Then you called Kory. No dice. Then you called Gar - you could hear the bustle of a crime scene in the background, but he sounded okay. He was talking in his usual bright, excited voice. The Titans had likely just made a bust. He was excited to be making a difference, helping people.
You sucked down breath and tripped over your own words trying to explain it. Jason was in trouble - a gunshot, he was hurt. He was dead. Gar barely understood, tried arguing against you because you sounded hysterical. But he passed the phone to Dick at your insistence. Dick made sense of your words, and made you wait fifteen long painful minutes until he was back in front of the computer at Titans Tower to give you some kind of answer.
Jason’s tracker was online. It was in Gotham. It was at the Amusement Mile.
It wasn’t picking up any heat signature from Jason’s body. That only meant one thing: his body was cold.
“I’m - I’m so sorry, Y/N. Jason’s - he’s gone.”
...
A/N: This is part one of two, and I do have the second part ready to go in my drafts.
Based on the original, Emergency Contact, having around 400 notes, and based on the fact that Jason Todd is a popular character:
I would like to see around 50 reblogs and around 50 comments on this before I post the next part.
Which I do think is a modest ask - if the same amount of people who enjoyed the original show up to read this sequel, then I will be asking one quarter of those people to comment or reblog. And I say 'around' because if I see a good amount of people commenting and reblogging, even if we don't meet the goal, then I will post the next part more quickly.
(I just don't want another incident to happen where people stop commenting immediately as the goal is met and then I end up with 30 comments and 900 likes, clearly showing that people don't care to support a fic even if they clearly enjoyed it.)
However, if you are going to comment, please do not just comment asking for the next part or asking when the next part will be posted, please comment about the body of work that has already been written and posted. I find it inconsiderate and stressful when people only ask for updates. I much prefer to spark a discussion about the existing work that has been written.
Anyway - I am just insanely proud of this fic and I really want to hear what you guys think of it so far!! So please do comment, reblog and rant in the tags, or come to my inbox and chat with me on anon if you're shy. I always wanna hear from fellow Jason Todd lovers and fellow Titans enjoyers.
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A series of snapshots of how the public views Danny’s return [Bruce/Danny; Spirit Halloween]
I can't believe it's been already 5 days since I last written something. University has kept me so busy.
Anyway — on to the next part! I tried something different for the first half, I hope it's not too jarring. I thought it would be fun to have a sort of outside view of how the public see Danny and Bruce.
Read on ao3. Masterpost.
Previous.
“Did you guys see the interview Lois Lane did with Bruce Wayne and his husband?”
“I was so shocked when I heard the news. They do look cute together though!”
“I still can't believe that the most eligible bachelor of Gotham had been married all along! It does explain why he never dated anyone.”
“I know right! But they must be super private for it to only come out now.”
“Actually they said in the interview that his husband was busy with other affairs outside the country.”
“Don’t you think it almost makes it sound like he’s a royalty from a far away land? He was so serious when he said he needed to take care of his duties and responsibilities.”
“No way you are believing that conspiracy theory. There’s a thread that debunked it already. Apparently he’s from some no name city in the Midwest.”
“I did think he had an accent I couldn’t place. Did you watch the clip of the interview where Lois Lane asked who proposed first?”
“Wait, what? I can’t believe I missed that, I hadn’t had time to watch the full interview!”
“Me neither.”
“Here let me pull it up.”
“-So who proposed first?”
Danny and Bruce look at each other for a moment and the latter groans at the expression his husband wears.
“Please not, love.”
“But it’s such an adorable story!”
“Now I’m only more curious,” Lois chuckles.
“Well we were quite drunk that day to be honest,” Danny laughs. “It was almost midnight when we decided we needed a hotel. Unfortunately all rooms were booked other than a Love Suite.”
Lois leans forward, eager to hear more.
“The receptionist said they don’t have a room for us both unless we are a couple-“
Bruce buries his face into his hands.
“And Bruce said and I quote ‘Actually we are fiancées.’ I don’t know if the receptionist or Bruce was more flustered when we woke up in the morning.”
“Wow!” Lois exclaims. “I never thought I’d see the day where Bruce is embarrassed.”
Bruce still doesn’t look up from where he hides his face.
“Yeah he couldn’t look me in the eyes for the entire following day,” Danny snickers. “I actually asked him when the wedding would be while we were eating breakfast. He almost choked on his food!”
The clips ends and the girls giggle.
“And still people believe Bruce Wayne isn’t a huge himbo.”
“I do wonder how his youngest came to be. Did he cheat while his husband was away on business?”
One of the girls opens her mouth but before she can share her opinion the other interrupts.
“If you tell me you believe the rumors he’s a clone too then I’m gonna hit you, Sarah.”
“I’m just saying that we never saw his mother in public!”
A loudspeaker announces the next stop.
“Come on, we’ll have to hurry to get the bus.”
Their voices fade as they leave the subway.
“Huh, isn’t that Bruce Wayne’s husband? Who is that next to him?”
“I think that’s Jason Todd, you know the one who died and came back a few years ago? Apparently he was in witness protection or something.”
“Wow, I almost didn’t recognize him. They look so familiar with each other.”
They watch as the older man cackles as he throws fries in his mouth while the younger scowls and playfully punches the man’s forearm.
“Yeah I heard that now that he is back in Gotham he has been on several outings with the rest of Bruce’s kids.”
“Even with his youngest?”
“Yeah they went to the zoo. With his oldest son he visited him at work I think. He also went to his daughter’s performance. I’m not sure if he did something with the Drake boy.”
“Talking about the devil…”
The door to the Batburger opens, Tim Drake as well as the rest of Bruce Wayne’s brood following him. The older man cheerfully greets them, ruffling the hair of Tim as he sits down next to him. Soon their happy chatter fills the fast food restaurant and the ones watching them move on to other topics.
“I was skeptical but they do make a good pair.”
Bruce Wayne and his husband are greeting their guests for the charity with matching suits and beaming smiles. Bruce leans to whisper something in the man’s ear and he nods. He politely excuses himself before he hurries out of the room with a champagne glass in hand.
“Indeed. I’m a bit surprised how well adjusted his husband is, considering I can’t recall ever seeing him at a gala.”
Bruce watches the man go with a genuine smile before he turns back to the people surrounding him.
“That brings me back to when Mr. Wayne first returned to Gotham. I can’t help but feel he looks more at ease now.”
“I know what you mean. He’s mellowed out a lot over the years. To think he had a secret lover he had been hiding all this time…”
“And he seems to be getting along with his kids too. Talking about them-”
Damian Wayne approaches his father, telling him something. Bruce hums before he excuses himself and his son as they go in the direction his husband had gone too. The two high society members quickly forgot about the strangeness of it.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tim Drake so serious.”
“To think that Mr. Wayne would have died without his husband there- It sickens me.”
“The fact that his son has to hold the press conference must mean his injuries are even worse than speculated.”
“I heard that he might need to relearn to walk too.”
“His husband looked furious when the reporters swarmed them once they arrived at the scene — honestly I would be too.”
“They have no shame.”
“I wouldn’t want to be them or the Clown now.”
“I can’t believe Red Robin and Signal let him slip away. Where were Batman and Robin anyway?”
“I have no idea either. And here I thought Batman favors Mr. Wayne and his family.”
“It did seem that way. If the Clown washes up dead, I’m betting on Mr. Wayne’s husband.”
“One can only hope.”
Danny opens the door with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. Those damn vultures. If he had known how annoying they would be, he would have convinced Bruce to go live with him in the Infinite Realms — although he knows that despite their love for each other, his need for revenge had outweighed everything else once he finished his travels across the world.
He shakes his head and steps in the room, eyes trailing to the bed — Bruce should be still out on pain medications-
“Bruce!” Danny chides when he sees the man struggling to stand up from where he is seated on his bed. “What are you doing?”
He hurries to the man’s side and helps him back into the bed as he groans.
“What happened?”
Danny frowns as he sits down the chair next to his bedside. It pains him to see Bruce so obviously weak, face drenched in sweat — if he finds that Clown, he’ll-
“There was a Rogue attack during the charity gala,” Danny explains as he pushes away the dark thoughts — he can plan with Jason later. He is sure the boy will take him up on the offer. “Don’t you remember?”
“What about the target?”
Danny sighs as he leans back, eyes tired — he hadn’t slept a single wink since the incident, but leave it to Bruce to be concerned about anything other than his own health.
“Tim and Cass managed to detain them. We got surprised before you and Damian could change into your costumes.”
Danny knits his eyebrows together as Bruce raises a hand to his temple, obviously straining his memory to recall what happened.
“You should rest, darling,” Danny leans forward and puts his hands over the man’s left hand. “My ectoplasm sped up things, but you were quite hurt. I'll tell the kids that you are awake.”
He moves to stand but Bruce grasps his wrist before he can move from his spot. It’s feather light — nothing like the reliable, strong grip Bruce normally has. Danny gnaws at his lips as he waits for Bruce to compose himself.
“Stay,” he says, voice exhausted before he murmurs, “please.”
If this were any other circumstances Danny would have snorted at the man’s display of rather lacking emotional vulnerability, but this is also the first time in many years that he has seen the man seriously hurt and had been powerless to prevent it even though he had been right there. The comfort Bruce is seeking right now — it’s also something Danny needs. To make sure the man is still alive.
The man scoots over as Danny climbs in the hospital bed and pulls him closer once Danny makes himself comfortable. Danny falls asleep to the rhythmic, slow sound of the man’s heartbeat.
Danny wakes up to hushed voices talking. He keeps his eyes closed as he becomes aware of his surroundings.There’s a hand in his hair and he can hear the rumble of Bruce’s chest as he speaks-
“-He looks too exhausted.”
“You should have seen him when he brought you to the ambulance,” Jason chuckles. “I thought he was gonna bite the next reporter that shoved themselves in his way.”
“We can be glad Daniel was there Father,” Damian says before he hesitates. “I don’t think I would have been able..:”
He trails off and the atmosphere turns somber.
“Has there been a press conference yet?” Bruce asks as he shifts to hold Danny a bit closer.
“Yes, Tim took care of it,” Jason says. “He and Dick will come by tomorrow.”
“Very well,” Danny can feel Bruce nodding. “Go return to the manor, it’s getting late and I’m sure Alfred won’t appreciate you coming home after curfew.”
Danny doesn’t need to open his eyes to know Jason is probably rolling his eyes.
“You say as if all your kids aren’t running around as vigilantes at night,” Jason says. “Besides I’m going to one of my safe houses for the night.”
Bruce grunts, displeased and Jason sighs.
“Fine I’ll go to the manor,” he gives in. “But only because these are special circumstances.”
Bruce lets out a hum, now obviously pleased.
“Should we wake Danny?”
“No, Iet him sleep,” Bruce says, before a bit of amusement slips into his tone. “I’m sure the nurse will let it be once she recognizes him as Bruce Wayne’s husband.”
Jason scoffs, but doesn’t protest. Damian says goodbye to his father before both of them leave. It’s several minutes later that Bruce chuckles.
“I know that you are awake.”
Danny opens one eye, peaking at Bruce who is looking at him with a soft smile. He’s propped up against the headboard and Danny is relieved to see him looking better than when he stepped in the room a few hours ago.
Danny sits up and raises an eyebrow.
“My breathing?” he asks and Bruce snorts.
“It doesn’t need a Detective to notice that you suddenly started breathing again although you didn’t while you were asleep.”
Danny huffs out a breath — that tell is the only reason why Danny can never deceive the man.
“I didn’t want to interrupt your conversation,” Danny says as he leans against the man.
Bruce frowns as he tucks Danny into his side.
“Have they-”
“They all have been very accepting and lovely Bruce,” Danny interrupts. “You have good kids. I just feel bad that I have been monopolizing their attention. After all, you are their father even if some of them try to deny it.”
“You are now too,” Bruce says, surprising Danny, “if you want.”
Danny smiles as he answers, “I know. But that’s up to them.”
“I don’t think there’s anyone who can refuse you.”
Danny snorts.
“You are just biased, darling.”
Bruce shrugs, expression content.
“Guilty as charged.”
Danny laughs as he shakes his head.
Yeah, they’ll be fine — no matter what others might think about them. (And if he has to kill a Clown for that to happen, he will gladly do so.)
#dc x dp crossover#dp x dc#dc x dp#bruce/danny#spirit halloween ship#spirit halloween#batfamily#batfam#danny phantom#dc#danny fenton#bruce wayne#i actually wanted to do actual newspaper snippets but oh well#maybe another time#yoonjae20#yoonjae20 writing
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Something really fun about 37's interpretation of "infinity" and her insignificance within it as comforting is that it's not really cause she's so small the universe doesn't care about her that gives her comfort, but because that means she is contained within it.
She is "apart of the infinite" and while infinite is infinite and she's ultimately not special in the grand scheme of things she and is theoretically replaceable and replicable, it makes her and everything else "eternal."
It's interesting as well that she also believes that being replaceable and replicable and finite and having bounds and means is still...maybe not exactly Valuable but not a flaw or problem when it comes to human existence.
It's an idea "something supreme existences" (ones who know, see, understand, everything, ones who can do anything they want) can never understand.
Not in a "there a things beyond mortal comprehension" or a "there's a point we as people cannot pass" way but in a "This lack of understanding and security in the world, this existence within it that is chaotic, fallible, unstable, and Unimportant. Gives us a completely different way of understanding the world." way.
Which is just really intriguing and reflects well on both her detachment from the physical world (because it's ultimately still a belief that the physical world is Unimportant and Unstable, and that the only things that are eternal are transcendental and numerical) and her choice to be "involved and suffering" within it. It's just putting her words into practice. Proving her theorem, if you will.
It's also interestingly close to the mindset she says "irrational numbers" display in this sense. Where Regulus doesn't accept having "all the answers" (infinite secrets) cause she wants to find them herself. Though 37 is already said to be appreciative of all numbers.
I haven't finished reading her Prisoner in the Cave character story or reviewing her appearances it's just something that was on my mind. But it's also interesting given that 37 still believes in something that is "eternal" and says that she doesn't like the word hobby cause it implies "something that doesn't last" even though she herself thinks that hers and everyone else's existences are finite. And how when she's talking to Sophia she mentions that:
Which again reflects on her detachment from the world. Everything will be washed away, however the Truth will not be. Though she says when you I2 her that:
37: The shape of truth is not fixed. Anyone who tries to figure it out is doomed to get lost on their way. So I decide to draw the one I assume… but just to get it out of my mind.
Implying a similar unreliable and unstable nature to truth. I dunno. A lot of things going on here. I need to read philosophy books or something for this-
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sex, money, feelings, die - Chapter 2
Summary: Having lost everything, you joined the games with no hope or expectation of winning. Despite it all, you found something interesting in #001. Maybe you'd stick around a little longer. Chapter wc: 1.1k
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ He’s awfully obsessed with 456. Since he first caught your eye the previous night, it’s like you couldn’t look away from him. Your eyes sought him out in the crowd from the moment you woke up. Your inability to look away from him is starting to piss you off. The more you look at him though, the more you notice just how much he looks at 456. Gi-hun. You heard his friend yell out his name a few times, consoling himself that he’ll be fine since he has the self-proclaimed winner of the previous games with him. Yeah good luck buddy, shit all that’s going to do to be honest. The only advantage he would have is knowing that people die in here. You had no clue who was responsible for organising this death spectacle but they would have to be insanely stupid if they kept the exact same format and games year on year. Actually, why did they let a past player come back? He couldn’t have run out of money already…What was his reasoning again? Lost in your thoughts, you feel your forehead bump into someone as you all enter the room location for the second game. “Sorry…” you mumble.
“Ah, it’s okay…” you heard a voice reply. You finally look up to see 120, and Oh. “Pretty” the words escaped your mouth before you had a moment to think. “I’m sorry?” You could see visible shock take over her expression. Curious eyes look back at you, with a bit of apprehension, as though she almost didn’t believe you. “You’re pretty.” you smile back at her. You were being genuine too. She really was just your type, tall and visually stunning. Pity that you were both in here, destined to die. “Oh… Thank you.” she looked away, light pink dusting her cheeks. “I think so too!” you hear from behind you, player 095 chiming in from behind 120. Cute. They would look cute together. You could see 120’s body language change slightly in the presence of 095, showing that she felt more comfortable with her around. An awkward lull settles over the three of you, and with that, you use that to excuse yourself with a final smile at 095 and 120, and they awkwardly smile back. You knew that you made people uncomfortable sometimes. You could never quite say the right thing, or read the room right. You wondered why honesty was publicly held in the highest regard and yet privately it was the swiftest way to isolation. People don’t like to hear the truth as much as they say they like to. Part of your mannerisms also stemmed from you simply not caring enough to put on a mask for people. You were fighting your own battles daily, you were tired and lying to people took a lot of energy. Caring what they think takes a lot of energy too. Things became a lot easier when you stopped caring, or at least when you pretended to stop caring. Guess you still lied to yourself despite it all. The speaker croaked and came to life, spelling out the instructions for the next round. Ah… you had to get into groups. I guess this is where I die… Resigned to your fate, you moved quietly amongst the chaos to rest against a wall. Leaning back, you reached a hand into your pocket, itching to put on your music and to zone out. This is the end anyways right? Might as well go out in a moment of calmness. The risk was too high though, if someone saw then that might be the end of your music privileges. Tilting your head back, you closed your eyes and tried to find the silence amongst all the noise. It’s an old meditation trick your grandfather taught you, a near impossible task but the moment you do find it… you truly did feel something. You heard the chatter amongst the crowd, you felt the frantic energy swirl around you, you tasted the desperation in the air. You followed their trails to find the moment they stopped intertwining.. Oh what’s this? You opened your eyes to meet deep pools of brown, almost black depths. 001 was standing in front of you. Despite everything happening around you, the world turned silent as you gazed into his eyes. They were beautiful, and so deeply sad. You could emotions battling under a tranquil surface of resolve. He seemed to be struggling with something, something that he felt he had to do. What a beautifully complicated man. “Are you just going to keep staring at me? Am I that handsome?” his eyes crinkled into a smile. Not a real smile. You didn’t like how it looked on him. “Yes.” “Yes I’m that handsome?” His tone coloured in surprise at your answer, holding a teasing note. “Yes I will keep staring at you but not because you’re undeniably handsome.” He paused for a moment before replying. “Then why?” “You’re like me.” You responded with a smile. “In what way?” He looked at you curiously. “You wanted to die once too, maybe you still do.”
Humour left his face. Now this, this is the real him. You see his mask fall off, and you’re given a glimpse into his psyche for just a moment. A darkness filled his features, and he looked at you with such intensity… you suddenly wish you could read his mind at this moment.
“What did you say?” He asked, almost with desperation. “Somewhere, sometime in your life, you gave up. I have too. We’re just waiting for the inevitable, I can see it, no matter how hard you hide it. Your eyes betray you, y’know?” You responded, never breaking eye contact with him, never blinking. His eyes never leave yours. You know what you said would be shocking for anyone to hear, it looks as though he’s been waiting to hear those words though. When he approached you, all you saw was boredom, and slight disdain. The usual look of someone who wanted to use you as a pawn for their agenda, they didn’t particularly want anything to do with you but you served a purpose. Now he looked at you very differently - hatred for daring to call him out, curiosity for how you knew how he felt, pain… so much pain. Through it all, you could see resignation intertwined amongst all the emotions. You decided that maybe you did a little more damage than intended, time to move this forward then. You use a leg to kick yourself off the wall, and weave your body past his to walk back into the crowd and accept your fate. He made no effort to follow you. You pause for a moment. “Coming, 001?” “What?” “You came over here to recruit me right? Otherwise why bother wasting time trying to talk to me. Let’s go, we have a game to win.” Death is familiar to you, and it’s why you could no longer feel her embrace. Not since 001 spoke to you.
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taglist <3 : @tizilovetomhiddleston, @scuzmunkie
#hwang in ho#in ho#hwang inho#front man#the frontman#hwang inho x reader#inho x reader#frontman x reader#frontman x you#squid games x reader
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"What if I am not worth it for it all to be for me."
This sentence in particular stuck out to me because there's something so heartbreaking about the subtext here: that (if I'm understanding correctly) you feel undeserving of your own effort. Like the work required to create your comic is only justifiable if it's for someone else because, surely, making something for yourself first isn't worth your time.
I want to start by saying I have nothing but empathy for this feeling. Artists have to make money, too, and part of that is gaining an audience. There's a logistical, practical aspect to this concern, and I don't want to wholly dismiss it by saying it "doesn't matter" — because for many of us, it does, and that's okay. It is okay to want an audience, to want people to engage with your work, to want to be paid for your labor. It's okay and completely understandable.
All the practical stuff aside, though, I'd like to encourage you, OP (and anyone else who may need this, myself included), to gently challenge these "what if" questions:
What if I'm not smart enough to finish a story? → At what point do you become smart enough? What does that mean? Are your smarts really the obstacle preventing you from finishing a story, or is there something else? What if I'm not good enough at art to do the comic? → Same deal. What does "good enough" mean to you? Having a desired look for the art is fine, but getting specific about what you want to achieve is a lot more actionable than simply deeming yourself not good enough. What if no one cares? → Hey, they might not. But here's a better question: what someone does care? What if your comic, your art, your story, could serve as a catalyst for someone else? What if your courage, your decision to be vulnerable and share your creations despite your fear, sets off a chain reaction for other artists just like you, who suddenly feel brave enough to do it scared because they watched you do it first?
I think a lot of us get so caught up in the whirlwind that is publishing our work on the internet that we talk ourselves out of sharing at all. It's hard not to play the comparison game and feel insignificant, and again, that feeling is very normal — but I also think it can, occasionally, become a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And listen, I'm preaching to myself just as much as I'm preaching to y'all. I needed to hear this, too. In fact, OP, I want to thank you for having the courage to voice these fears. In doing so, you've inadvertently inspired me to take my own advice and do the fuckin' thing scared.
See what I mean? I've not even read your story, and yet, you've already positively impacted me just by being yourself.
You're worth it. I promise, you're worth it.
I don’t think I am smart enough to finish a single story, or good enough yet at art to do the comic.. yes do it scared, but what if no one cares, what if I am not worth it for it all to be for me. What do I do. Does anyone know what to do
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A mood board/aesthetics for Regina x Janis in Wrapped in Plastic
#rejanis#rejanis fic#this might be misleading for the two chapters i'm posting so jsyk this is reference of the overall au not of the chapters#my brain has made a whole little universe for this story and you can't come#still waiting to post chapter 2 but it is done#but also the only people who care have already read it all#i write for me and two people#Wrapped in Plastic#ollies edits
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random omegaverse thought:
There must be people who experience specific instinct things with indifference or boredom.
Procreative cycle coming up? "Crap, I've got plans this weekend...stupid skip weeks."
Caught an intriguing scent while walking? "But I need to get to work! Shut up brain."
Had a snap response to a distressed sound? "Who was it?! ...right, it's my day off, I can go back to sleep."
Somebody growled at them? "Kid, I'm not a rival, that's my sibling."
Super cozy cuddle session happening nearby? "I'm gonna pass tonight guys, no social battery left, maybe next time."
Group of friends heading out to flirt and check out other singles? "I'm coming with you but only to make sure you all get home safe."
Setting where fated mates or soul bonds or permanent marks are a thing? "Meh. I don't really want one or care if I ever get one."
People in the actual omegaverse would get as bored of their stuff, as we do of ours, you know? It could be interesting to see that kind of vibe in fics. Biological demands faced with all the excitement of paying bills or doing laundry or tying your shoes.
Even if that kind of energy might not drive a plot, it could be interesting to have as a contrast to the people who do have big feelings about them - good or bad.
There's the friends who can't wait til they have a pack of their own, and the one friend who isn't against it but couldn't care less. There's the group in the office who are all about scent compatibility tests and figuring out one's best match and what sprays most highlight it, and the coworker who has no intentions on putting that much effort in. There are parents who hover and protect their offspring by scenting them multiple times a day, and others who don't see what the fuss is as long as it's done in the morning.
...also: packs with introverts who show care by giving each other space. So often, closeness is depicted through physical touch and tactile affection, but comfortable silence is meaningful too. Knowing people are near, but not having to interact until you're ready. Sitting in the same room doing different things, knowing that all it takes is a "hey, look at this" to share what you're up to. People understanding and accepting each other's differing or fluctuating needs for how and when to recharge. Seeing somebody reaching out or sharing space, beyond what's their norm, as a signal of the fact that they care.
#omegaverse worldbuilding#a/b/o worldbuilding#a/b/o dynamics#kinda#not gonna tag sfw though it mostly is#heat/rut mention#twovvie chatters#hi its me im introverts#a version of me in omegaverse would love to live in a pack house#as long as i could have a space to myself#people nearby? good! people around all the time? uhhhh#even my family knows that after so many hours of fun family party#i'm gonna disappear to whatever room has the fewest people in it#or find a random corner and start reading#“oh! i didnt know you were here” yes that was the plan#also i just find the idea of someone#who couldnt care less about pairing up#to be funniest in a setting where that's a big deal#“too bad you havent found a mate yet” “no i already know who it is”#“congrats! when do we meet them?” “oh i didnt mean that i'm going to date them. i just know who it is.”#“but i thought you were single?” “yup.” “don't you want a mate?” “nah too annoying.”#cycle day? nice i get a free day off work#cycle day? ugh not this again#the duality of man (a/b/o edition)#granted i hc heats/ruts as heightened libido and greater fertility#because i dislike elements of heats/ruts that (imo) mess with people's ability to freely consent#if the only non-sexual options are pain or solitude and the species needs compaionship as much or more as regular humans#then not being able to or being unwilling to is like a punishment for those people#sure stress or other needs can short circuit it (irl) but theres plenty of reasons to not be interested that arent “you have a problem”#surely i'm not the only person who reacts to various body requests with “later i'm busy” right?
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Hello!!! Thanks for the tag!! <3 Didn't expect to be tagged to be honest but I'm glad I did get tagged! :D
Also I must say everyone who reblogged before me sounds like such cool people! :>
Last song: American Jesus by Bad Religion! At first I wanted to say a Bowie song because I was listening to it all day due to it having been his death anniversary but then my playlist thought to be like "I don't think so!" and played a different song I like. I am pretty much a person who listens to everything.
Favourite colour: Despite my layout having purple and blue as the primary colours, my favourite colours are yellow (especially the yellow daffodils have) and dark green! Obviously I also like my layout colours but I'd say green and yellow just feel so soothingly happy to me.
Last Book: I am currently reading Faust 1 by Goethe because my finals are creeping up and it's one of the books I may need for those lol. But I also enjoy the book quite a lot!
Last movie: The phantom of the opera! I watched it together with my mother one random evening last year and I haven't watched any movie since then. I do want to watch Nosferatu next, though!
Last TV show: My mother and I have started watching a lot of shows together (this includes DBDA but it was too gay to handle for her conservative mind and she noped out after the cat king was introduced) and the latest is "From" it's not really popular, I think, at least it doesn't have a lot of Fanfics but I did enjoy the first season. I am a little sceptical about how they always introduce a bunch of characters but I hope that they flesh them out! It does have sapphics though so that's a win.
Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: I do have a big sweet tooth but I think outside of snacks and chocolate I am more of a fan of spicy food? Like, if someone asked me whether I'd want a spicy or a sweet dish for dinner, Id probably be more inclined to choose the spicy one.
Last thing I searched online: I researched for a fanfic I want to write and so it's "Boarding schools in Edwardian Britain" (now take a big guess for which fandom!! It's so niche you will never figure it out /s)
Current Obsession: My obsession with Genshin and HSR is dying down quite a bit (let's face it, it's the fandom's fault) And now my focus is back on demons and Greek Mythology. I have the want to get into Athuriana literature as well but ugh I'm too busy for this. Outside of occultism and mythology, yeah, obviously DBDA. It hit me HARD and I'm not mad!!! ... Also my own OCs but that's something only I can fix.
Looking forward to: Graduation!! Yes, everyone is telling me that it only gets worse from now on (which,,, very promising btw) but I am so glad when I leave this school. At least at university I can choose a bit more of what I want to do. I am also gonna get a therapist which I am in dire need of and hopefully try to get gender affirming care at the end of the year. I already have a job lined up so the only other things I want to achieve this year is finishing up my driver's license and get the scholarship I applied for but that part is something I have no control over! Also, I might need to look out for apartments because of a reason surrounding my family situation but, well, I prefer living alone anyway. Just gotta see how I'm gonna support myself.
Ten people I'd like to know better: You know, I don't even know if I know the blog names of ten separate people or if they're even okay with me tagging them (what's the etiquette for that? I know that some other platforms were rather... nasty about it). So,,, if you come across this and you want to do this, I always like to read about other people's interests!! So pretend I tagged you, if we're mutuals or I follow you, I do know and like you, I am just an awkward person who doesn't know how to act with people :).
10 People I'd Like to Know Better
Thanks for the tags @gaiaseyes451 and @beerok23!💜!💜
last song: Gloria by the Lumineers
favourite colour: Red, like a deep luscious red that you know would taste good if you licked it. Don't act innocent, you know exactly what I mean by that. Red is a color that you just know tastes good.
last book: I am currently trying to read the Witcher series (per @lickthecowhappy's suggestion) so I am at the start of the Last Wish
last movie: Moana 2 (I have young kidsssss)
last TV show: My oldest is almost 10 which means she stays up late. Which also means I have so little time to watch adult things. So we've been watching the Office with her. I think I want to watch the Good Place with her next tho (I've never watched it!)
sweet/spicy/savoury: Sweet followed very, very closely by spicy. Habanero maple syrup is one of my favorite things on the planet.
last thing i searched online: How to explain a 10 year career hiatus in a cover letter (looking to return to work since having kids. It's been an interesting experience so far).
current obsession: Have not moved on from Good Omens, but recently realized that my obsession may be more in my own little connected universe of fics that I wrote rather than the actual canon at this point😳. I'm sure once we get that first glimpse of red and white hair that will change very quickly.
looking forward to: Going back to work and having a more established adult life again, honestly. I've been so lucky to be home with my kids while they are young, but I am ready. And figuring out how my newfound passion for writing is going to fit into that new life of mine. Another big year of change over here for me, and I am eagerly looking forward to how the growing pains are going to make way for something beautiful beyond.
ten people i’d like to know better:
@addledmongoose, @di-42, @afrenchwriter, @haemey, @eybefioro, @alwaystuesday, @katspause, @alphacentaurinebula, @shadesofecclescakes, @ochre-sunflower and whoever wants to do it (but also feel free to ignore!)
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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thinking about. narukami arashi. in all her messy self. augh...
#i love her sm and its like way beyond the queen girlboss thing#i have yet to read much of her in the !! stories cuz im catching up slowly but#at least in what ive read so far. shes such a wonderful character. full of duality#shes caring shes distant shes cute and dainty she could beat your ass shes confident shes insecure shes collected shes impulsive#she wants to be loved and love as well but she knows it's painful to chase after someone... to lose people... its painful and scary...#i love how she insists on being there for mika bc she already lost someone to her self centeredness. she will reach out.#she will not allow herself to miss her friends' pain again#but also she keeps her distance... leo had to literally shake her pain out of her...#in ! even though eeeveryone is mean and transphobic she keeps smiling and doesnt push the issue#even tho it hurts her sm to be constantly invalidated...#(yes ik its a good bit of retcon shut up)#even though shes so confident in herself. she still cowers at the thought of being rejected and ostricized.#tbh i love knights in general. the overarching theme of “individualists”#but theyre all just. deeply lonely and unloved people#theyre sticking close and playing family but theyre all terrified deep down its all a house of cards...#i need to read the model trio lookback. i need little nacchan and the birth of her insane crush on the teacher guy.#(also tbh i stand by nacchan being thw most normal knights member. even her crush is Just Girlhood Things)#(like cmon who didnt know a girl who had a delusional crush on someone older. i knew like 10 girls like that#its only the child model part that makes her unusual. between a rich nobleson a yandere tsundere model#a genious lunatic composer a vampire chuunibyou guy and a child model tgirl. whos the most normal)#enstars#arashi narukami
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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actually going back to this, i only have one disagreement with this post.
"The Grishaverse doesn't seem to have any form of homophobia;" i was conflicted about this because on one hand, this could just be a product of bardugo having to work within our society's already-heternormative standards to give the story structure and make it understandable for readers, but on the other hand, i think bardugo deserves more credit than that. i think there are deliberate instances of the characters or society showing homophobia that add to the story's overall setting.
im going to list some examples here, and then maybe try to analyze why they exist in the end
example number 1:
(bear with me i don't have access to the first book currently) but jesper talks about "flirting with girls" while bonding with wylan, who is more of a stranger that the crows are holding at arm's length at this moment. after wylan asks "only girls?" jesper grins and amends his statement, saying no, not only girls. this could hypothetically just be a product of a society that accepts queerness but where heterosexuality happens to outnumber any other type of attraction, but this could also be jesper testing the waters because he knows wylan is a) a stranger and b) a son of a merch. i think that with the second interpretation we can set up the idea that queerness is generally seen as "less high class" and that maybe those in the crow gang don't really give a shit (and perhaps embrace it as something that seperates them from the upper crust), but wealthier people in power do in fact care.
example number 2:
wylan's status as van eck's heir is pretty important to the plot (and VERY important to van eck). i figure a society that puts so much weight on heirs and family name probably has difficulty being normal about relationships where reproduction cannot occur. although, wylan never "comes out" to his father and we can't see his reaction (and never really displays any anxiety about coming out as much as he displays anxiety about his dyslexia [?] being revealed) so that might be something that discredits this evidence. in any case, even if homophobia doesn't exist in this society to the extent that it exists here, i have not trouble imagning van eck mocking wylan for another thing he can't do (have a biological heir with jesper)
example number 3:
again, an example of how straight interactions are kinda seen as the norm (and again could be written off as them just being more common in this universe). however, the other point that matters is that matthias's society has specific standards for different gender roles. i don't think it's impossible for a society to have split gender roles while also being normal about gender-queerness, but i think bardugo also knows well enough that matthias's explanation of Fjerdan gender roles can be reflected in the Real World. i personally think that we are supposed to read his and the broader Fjerdan values as pretty sexist without necessarily drawing direct comparisons to any specific culture, even though one can be tempted to with the way the grishaverse nations are introduced. that all to say, i think Fjerdan culture, with the way matthias explains it, would not take too kindly to trans people.
fourth example, tw for sexual assault.
example number 4:
this is when inej describes her indentured work at tante heleen's. a man gets upset that he cannot "perform" (likely referring to his body not 'properly' reacting to inej's) and hits her to vent his frustration at himself because he sees her as an object. setting aside the horror of this scene, this implies that on some level, there is shame that comes with a man not being able to have sex with a woman. this could be a high-ranking man, which refers back to van eck's obsession with producing an heir, or this could just be an average man, which means on some level lack of attraction to the opposite sex could mean some sort of shame
those are all the examples i remember. i think it's no mistake that bardugo usually uses examples of straight relationships being expected or strict gender roles to describe the oppressive cultures or people she wrote. i also think it's no mistake that she does not write characters "making a big deal" out of jesper, wylan, kuwei, or nina's queerness; i think this is her using fantasy as the venue for escapism that it usually is, while also managing to tackle real-world issues in metaphor.
SOC and CK allegories for the queer characters (and other thoughts)
I was going to make a separate blog to yell about books but I decided to do it here.
I AM NOT DONE CROOKED KINGDOM AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS SO EVERYTHING I SAY IS HAVING ONLY READ HALF THE BOOK SO FAR.
The Grishaverse doesn't seem to have any form of homophobia, but SOC and CK are chalk fulllllllll of what I can only see as plots that mimic queer experiences for the queer characters in the main group.
We have four queer characters (that I know of at the moment): Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Kuwei.
So let's start with the obvious, three of the four are Grisha. Obviously not all Grisha are queer, but all the Grisha in the party are. This gives them an automatic plotline of "hide who you are".
It could be said that since Nina is Ravkan she wasn't raised that way, and no, she wasn't. However since leaving Ravka she has been forced to hide for her safety, and not only that but she is frequently told she's "too much" which sounds a lot to me like what some people say about queer people when they think queer people should be less queer. Also Matthias is all about being "traditional" and "proper" and Nina's whole thing is that she is neither. Traditional and proper sound a lottttt like some people's arguments to be homophobic.
Jesper's I think is rather obvious. His father has a clear concern for his son being Grisha since it can put your life at risk. In Jesper's argument with his dad he goes off and asks his dad why did he never let him go to Ravka where he could be himself and learn about himself and his powers. Oh not to mention the fact that him and his dad talk around him being Grisha like it's some sort of virus that can be caught by simply speaking the word.
Kuwei's took a second to hit me but when it did I was like "ah yep, makes sense" and this is probably because it took me a hot second to realize Kuwei was queer. Yeah, apparently him being jealous that Jesper only looked at Wylan a certain way didn't tip me off... ANYWAY THOUGH. Kuwei is also told to hide who he is, but his dad goes the extra length of literally making a drug to help him hide himself. Is it giving anyone else Dorian's dad from Dragon Age vibes??? Blood magic for the gay son???
FINALLY, I will talk about my baby, the character I love more than anything else. Wylan. Here's the thing about Wylan, while I was reading SOC I wasn't sure if homophobia existed in this world yet and I was half convinced that his dad disowned him because gay. While his dad obviously didn't do that, I still think at the end of the day it portrays an experience that is very similar. Wylan is shamed, hidden, and ultimately his dad tries to have him killed, all because he can't read. His dad loathes him over such a stupid reason, especially since Wylan is absolutely brilliant at tons of stuff and the cutest lil guy. But I think it's that hatred of his son over something so trivial that really lends itself to being about something else entirely, Wylan being queer.
All four of our queer characters in the main group have different plots, but ultimately they all circle around the idea of hiding who you are and being ashamed of who you are. That sounds like a very common queer experience if you ask me.
I don't know if this was intentional or just a huge coincidence. As a writer myself I am all too aware of how easily accidental metaphors and symbols can happen. But I think about it a lot as I'm reading so I wanted to shout about it either way. I also have no clue if this is a common idea or not, I just know when I pointed it out to my friends who had read the books prior, one of who loves and reads them yearly, they both kinda went "oh damn, you right," but didn't see it before I mentioned it.
Anyway, if I missed things (or you wanna yell at me about how wrong I am, which is usually the more likely option) I'd love to know thoughts :)
AND BONUS THOUGHTS
This one is super obvious but I just wanna say it. Jesper is ADHD and no one will change my mind in the history of ever. This man cannot sit still, has been described as having limitless energy, and he seeks constant immediate gratification in the form of gambling and adrenalin rushes. COME ON MAN. I know I know, there's a lore reason, something something Grisha not using magic blah blah. No. No. He is ADHD and you cannot tell me otherwise. And I love him dearly.
Also, not a theory or anything but, y'all, I love Wylan so much. I just wanna give him a hug and a lollipop and tell him it's okay. He's so cute.
#six of crows#crooked kingdom#grishaverse#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#nina zenik#kuwei yul bo#inej ghafa
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