#but also the extra component of like. how vulnerable are they and how open are they vs. how stubborn are they to acknowledging that change

[pocketgalaxies]

every day i'm like yeah wow the critical role cast is so good at character-building i can't learn anything else about them that will make me even more impressed than i already am, and then i watch a marisha ray talks episode and she's like "i think the world throws things at you and changes you whether you like it or not and some people like caleb are more resistant to that but i think beau is pretty vulnerable to that type of change right now" and i'm like what the fuck. you are thinking about THAT TOO??

[nolita-fairytale]

still into you | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | chapter two: friday

summary: big announcements are made at the james beard house dinner, and carmy tells you how much you mean to him.

warnings: swearing, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns, drinking & smoking

word count: 4.6k

listen to: in transit - albert hammond jr. | nightswimming - r.e.m | friday i'm in love (cover) - phoebe bridgers (playlist here)

a/n: remember when i accidentally posted this earlier today at the start of the american work day? that was weird. anyways...

read: chapter one | bonus smut scene

Friday

The way that the four of you flow together is like a symphony – each one of you so committed to your craft – to excellence – and the feeling you get sends chills down your spine. It’s a sign of how far you all have come, which is what the menu is all about this evening. It was Syd and Carmy’s idea: each dish presented this evening would embody a part of The Bear’s story. You’d even worked with Marcus on elevating his signature chocolate cake, wanting to keep the heart and soul of it, even if it had to lean a little more towards the fine dining side of things.

Never in a million years would Carmy have thought that, on his first day at The Beef, that you’d all end up here. After all the chaos, all the swimming upstream, it felt near-impossible that something so disorganized and broken could become something so beautiful. 

He’s near-shaking at the idea of what he has to do next, but he also knows that this is a story he has to tell. It’s not really something he’s spoken about – at least publicly – and not to the food world. 

But he can’t tell the story of The Bear without Michael. 

He feels like he’s sweating through his chef whites, but you remind him that he’s going to be great. It’s a huge step in his healing journey and after a long talk about it, Carmy had decided it was something he felt he wanted to do. 

“Before we wrap up the evening, we have one more dish before dessert,” Carmy says, earning the attention of the dining room full of people. 

He hopes his voice isn’t shaking too much, and he nervously fidgets with a spoon he’s holding in his hands while you and Sydney stand behind him as literal and emotional support.

His face feels hot. He feels like he wants to throw up and cry at the same time, and he looks back at you for reassurance. 

You nod your head in his direction, a comforting smile on your face, as Sydney grabs your hand. You’re both nervous for him. 

You can do it, Bear. Let it rip. 

“As some of you may know, three years ago I left New York to go back home and take over the family restaurant – the restaurant that would eventually become The Bear,” he explains.

“This dish is uh… it’s really special to me,” he says, trying his best not to let his voice break as he continues.

“It’s an ode to my late brother: a play on the braciole he used to make for me and my sister every Sunday.” 

The dining room gets quiet, each person hanging onto every single word that Carmy says, his vulnerability palpable. 

Carmy suddenly feels emotionally exposed, but he knows there’s no turning back now. He can practically hear Mikey’s voice in his head, encouraging him, pushing him to let it rip. Knowing that he’s got you and Sydney behind him gives Carmy the extra boost of confidence he needs to get through this speech. 

As he explains each component of the dish, it becomes easier to fake it: fake some confidence, fake that he’s not crumbling inside. Carmy knows how to talk about food so he leans into it, even if it feels like his voice is caught in his throat. It feels like second nature -- like falling into an old pattern he's practiced a thousand times -- as he hides behind his tough, calculating, diligent exterior. But he feels as if he’s just put his open, bleeding heart on a plate, and it's impossible for him not to feel.

Carmy clears his throat before concluding his presentation with, “So thank you again for dining with us this evening. Uh… Chef Sydney has some news she’d uh… we’d like to share with everyone.” 

He thanks the gods that he made it through.

He can’t wait to get out of the spotlight. 

Carmy moves aside, letting Sydney take center stage, and he can feel the blood rush through his head – an almost dizzy-feeling. As he stands next to you, you bump up against his shoulder, giving him some comforting touch, in an effort to ground him.

“Thank you, chef,” Sydney begins, glancing back at Carmy. “And thank you for sharing this dish with us. I know that it’s something you hold close to your heart and our story of The Bear wouldn’t be complete without it.”

The dining room full of people begins clapping once again and it gives Carmy a moment to zip himself back up emotionally. He only reminds himself that he has a few moments left of being in front of people. While he may be an expert at fooling everyone else with his stoic exterior, you can see he’s struggling to hold it together.

“And thank you again to everyone for coming out tonight. We have some really exciting news to share. After putting our heart and soul into The Bear, we are at a point in its journey where we can expand,” Sydney begins, earning a few excited whispers from the room.

“We felt tonight would be the perfect time to announce that we will be opening up a second restaurant – a separate concept that I will be leading as CDC in Chicago. I’m really excited to have this opportunity to develop my own concept with my business partner, Carmen Berzatto, and to lead my own kitchen.”

The entire room erupts with applause once again as the wait staff begin to bring out Carmy’s perfectly plated beef dish. Carmy nods as a signal to you and Syd and you both follow him back into the kitchen. 

“Stay. I’ll go help Marcus,” Sydney says to you, reassuringly.

She rubs a sympathetic hand over Carmy’s upper back before saying, “Good work, chef.”

Sydney hurries over into the prep kitchen to help Marcus plate dessert, while you hang back with Carmy in the hallway. He’s avoiding your gaze and you can tell he’s trying his best not to lose it right then and there. His body is still – frozen in a moment of time. There’s a tension that runs across his chest and into his shoulders that hadn’t been there at the start of the night. He looks like he hasn’t taken a breath since his speech began either. 

“That was really beautiful, Bear,” you say softly. He still won’t look at you, but you understand why.

“Thanks,” he nods curtly. 

There’s a silent tension between the two of you and you know what you need to do next. 

“What do you need?” you ask. 

“Think I uh-, just need a little fresh air,” he mumbles, his voice breaking a little, before clearing his throat again. 

“‘Course. Marcus, Syd and I have got this,” you encourage him. 

You wait as Carmy slips out back for a break, before making your way back into the kitchen. Loving Carmy through his grief sometimes looked different. Some days he’d need space. Other times he’d need you – crawling into your arms and allowing you to care for him. Together, you’ve had to learn how to ask, and he’s had to learn how to tell you what he needs. 

“How’s Carmy?” Sydney asks with a concerned look on her face, causing Marcus to look up from the plate he’s working on. 

“He’s okay. Just needs a break,” you answer. You’re not worried about him. You know how painful that was for Carmy, and you’re more than happy to give him the space he needs to sit with it. 

“What can I do?”

And then Marcus is handing you a few extra plates, asking you to double check his previous count to ensure that every single plate went out in a timely manner. 

Carmy returns about ten minutes later, ready to jump back in. He’d just needed a timeout – a moment to feel the enormous swell of emotions that had come up when talking about Michael to a dining room of eighty people. Soon enough, he’s helping plate the tiny chocolate layer cakes, with an olive oil ice cream, and a tahini caramel drizzled over the top. 

Dessert is the last dish to be brought out, and as Marcus presents, the four of you receive a standing ovation at the James Beard House. It’s like for the first time in a week, Carmy can breathe again. He feels like a one hundred pound weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, and his heart swells with pride over how the night’s gone. Everyone’s liked the food, you all have worked so beautifully as a team this evening, and he can’t believe he got through his fucking speech without crying in front of everyone. 

Entirely exhausted yet filled with a grand sense of accomplishment, the four of you drag yourselves out of the James Beard House and back out onto the streets of NYC. You’re not sure who suggests it, but you’re grateful the idea has been brought up as you’re carrying pizzas you picked up on the way back to the hotel. Piled onto the two full beds in Marcus and Sydney’s room, the four of you can finally celebrate a job well done. 

“Yo, I think I like the Sicilian slice better,” Marcus says, polishing off another piece of the pepperoni and mushroom. 

“Oof,” Carmy sounds, watching your face for your reaction. “You’re playing with fire, Marcus.”

Sydney snorts, “Fuck. We’re finally able to relax. No one kill each other, please.”

“What? We’ve already had the Chicago vs New York pizza debate,” Marcus says, throwing up his hands as if he’s innocent. I know what I’m getting myself into! I’m just sayin’ the Scilian slice is giving mad Chicago vibes and it’s dope.” 

You laugh, shaking your head, while Carmy playfully nudges you. 

“Okay, while pepperoni and mushroom is a classic and you know I have mad respect that, as a New Yorker… hard disagree on your style of pizza, chef,” you say back, starting on a new slice of one of the remaining NY Style pies. 

“You know what’s fucking fire? Pepperoni and jalapenos – pickled, not fresh,” Sydney chimes in and you all reply in a chorus of agreement. 

“Hundred percent,” Carmy says. 

“Never fresh. The sour tangy brine is key,” you add. “At least we can all agree on something. 

“You know what’s fucking wild?” Marcus begins, looking across the three of you. “We made this whole fancy ass meal, yet we’re eating pizza in a hotel room at the end of the night.” 

Carmy laughs dryly, “Yeah, man. It’s kinda par for the course.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“Seriously!” Sydney exclaims.

“Speaking of, how was your stage at per se?” you inquire, curious to hear about his experience in the fine dining kitchen. “We barely had time to catch up this morning about it.” 

Truthfully, you’d all been so focused on tonight going well that no one had really talked about it. 

“Man,” Marcus sighs. “It was cool. But like. Now I know what you guys are talking about when you say a chef only let you zest lemons for three months.”

You laugh in response, thinking back to the time blood orange juice caused you an existential crisis. That existential crisis – the one that led you to quitting your job, leaving fine dining behind for good. 

“And it’s like… the whole staff works as a machine. Kitchen’s more like a science lab than a kitchen. I got lucky, huh?” Marcus continues and Carmy shakes his head. 

“Yeah, per se’s a lot like where we used to work,” Carmy says with a shrug. 

“Should’ve seen Alinea. It’s very… science lab meets art school,” Sydney adds. “Inspiring… but cold.” 

“Damn,” Marcus shakes his head, feeling luckier than ever that he got to learn from the three of you instead. 

“Wait. Syd, how was your supper club?” you ask, suddenly remembering that she hadn’t had a chance to tell any of you yet. She had, after all, gotten home late last night, only to get up early to go with Carmy to Chelsea Market. 

“Oh my god,” she gloats. “So fucking cool. Like unreal. You guys have to come with me next time.” 

“I uh-,” she starts again, as if she has a secret. “They actually asked me to come back and do a pop-up dinner, especially with the new restaurant opening. I mean, they want to do a collab with me!”

“Okay, I see you,” Marcus calls out, proud of his friend. 

“Of course they do!” you cheer her on. 

“What do you think, chef?” she asks Carmy, searching for approval in the way his face changes as he hears the news. 

“I think… you’d be silly not to. We’ll work out a time for you to come back up here once we get the new restaurant up and running,” Carmy reassures, respect and pride in his eyes as he exchanges a look with Sydney. 

“And of course, I want you guys back here with me. Like… are we the fuckin’ dream team, or are we the fuckin’ dream team?” Sydney celebrates, reliving the memories of this evening. 

Tonight has been so incredible and Sydney wonders if this is what it feels like to be at the top of your career. She wants to savor the moments of this weekend, replaying them over and over again in her head. 

“Oh 100%,” Marcus confirms with confidence.

“Absolutely,” you promise.

A temporary quiet settles between the four of you as you reflect on the evening. Carmy is quiet again, caught up in his head as he’s filled with a deep sense of gratitude: for all of your hard work, for how well the evening went, for his team. 

You all are his people. 

And he’s never had people before. 

Not until now. 

“Thank you guys. For tonight,” he says, his tone serious. “You guys were rockstars, and... I couldn’t have done it – any of this – without you.” 

“Aw, Carmy,” Sydney smiles, savoring this rare tender moment with Carmy. 

“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Marcus reinforces.

“Of course,” you smile proudly. 

You each take a moment to feel it all: accomplishment, the gratitude, the love and genuine respect you all have for each other.

“Not to ruin the moment or anything,” you begin, half apologetically. “If anyone’s up for more fun food debates tomorrow, Carmy and I have a fun little tradition I’d love to share you guys.” 

You and Carmy exchange glances and it’s as if he can read your mind. 

“Walking dumpling tour?” he questions. 

You confirm with a nod. 

“What’s the-?” Marcus begins to ask as Sydney finishes his question with, “... the walking dumpling tour?”

“A fun little thing we used to when we still lived here,” you reply. “Hit up as many dumpling spots as we can in search of the best pork dumplings that Chinatown can offer. Hell, I’ll make up a scorecard and we can rate them.”

“Sounds fun. I’m in,” Marcus says. 

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Sydney agrees. 

Carmy checks the time on his phone. 

“Yo, it’s getting pretty late. We should probably head to bed,” Carmy says to you. 

“Oh shit. It’s almost midnight?” Sydney asks, seeing the time on the hotel room clock. 

“Yeah. Guys, this has been fun. Seriously, great work tonight. I’ve missed this so much,” you sigh, totally satiated. 

“You know there’s always room for you at The Bear,” Marcus says genuinely, before adding, in a more teasing tone, “You can send me your resume and I’ll take a look. Nah I’m just playin’!”

You laugh, playfully rolling your eyes, “Okay, it is definitely bed time.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, goodnight you guys,” Marcus replies.

“Goodnight.”

As you and Carmy leave Sydney and Marcus’ room, it dawns on you that you’re not quite ready to go to bed. While you’re exhausted, and should be in a carb-induced sleepy pizza-coma, you’re wired from the adrenaline of being back in the kitchen. 

“Hey, Carm?” you ask, stopping him as he fumbles with the room key. 

“What’s up?” he asks back. 

You pause for a moment, and as you speak, there’s a certain hesitance in your voice, like it’s the first time you’re asking someone out on a date.

“Do you want a drink?”

He’s caught off guard by your tone of voice, curious to know where this is going. 

“Now?” he asks back with a half-smile plastered to his face.

“Yeah,” you shrug. “I-, I don’t know if I’m ready to go to bed yet.” 

You can see the hesitation on his face as he thinks it through. While Carmy knows there are plenty of bars still open in NYC right now, he’s not sure he wants to leave the hotel. 

And neither do you. 

You offer your hand to him, “C’mon. I’ve got an idea.”

*

“I don’t know if we’re supposed to be here,” Carmy states nervously, looking around the empty room. 

He’s bouncing his knee up and down as he sits on a bar stool, alternating between watching you behind the bar, and looking around to check for anyone who may catch you. The bar itself is poorly lit, save for the pool lights outside, that come flooding in through the large floor to ceiling windows. 

“We’re not,” you reply, without a care in the world.

He lowers his voice before asking, “What if we get caught?”

You giggle, “You are such a baby, Carmen.” 

He rolls his eyes as you search for what you need, pouring the appropriate combination of liquors into an old fashioned glass.

Gin. Campari. Vermouth

After stirring them together over ice, you reach for an orange and y-peeler that the bar is stocked with, shaving off a piece of the orange peel. 

“Besides, isn’t that the fun part?” you ask, a glimmer of mischief flashing across your face. 

Carmy shakes his head, averting his eyes as he brings his hand up to his mouth, “You’re a bad influence on me.” 

You snort in response and it’s your turn to roll your eyes at him. 

“And you love it, my little rule-follower.”

“Relax, Carm. I’m gonna leave $40 behind the bar for what we took and we can go back to the room when I’m done if you’re so worried about it,” you offer as a compromise, the tone of your voice still a rebellious one. 

He has to admit that he finds your devil may care attitude incredibly sexy. Carmy’s not sure whether he’s anxious or turned on right now. 

 “Yes chef,” he finally agrees, cheekily. 

“Lighter, please,” you request.

Carmy pulls his lighter from his pocket, tossing it to you. You catch it, immediately flicking it on, using the flame to torch the orange slice. 

Just a spritz of the orange, and then the rest of the peel for garnish.

You hand Carmy the drink from across the bar, before working on your second one.

He looks down at the deep red colored liquid before saying, “Sweetheart, you know I hate gin.” 

But you’re one step ahead of him. 

Only moments later, you’re stepping around the bar with a second glass of whiskey on the rocks prepared for him. You trade glasses with him, and he can’t take his eyes off of you as you finally say:

“Cheers.” 

Clink. 

“Cheers.”

You both take your respective first sips, making sure to hold eye contact with him as you do. He looks at you, and you’re not sure if he’s more surprised that you haven’t gotten caught or that he’s willfully watched you break into the hotel pool bar. 

“Thought you said we could take these back to the room,” he challenges. 

You smirk, even though your heart is filled with pure adoration for the man standing across from you. 

“Yes, chef.”

It’s an easy choice to take your drinks back to the room, opening the french doors that lead to the terrace. You pull a spare blanket from the hotel room closet, curling up with it outside. You drape the blanket over both you and Carmy as you settle down on his lap. He’s brought his lighter and a cigarette out with you, so you close the french doors behind you so that he can light one up. 

You haven’t stayed up this late with Carmy in a while. It feels good – spontaneous and a little rebellious – like anything could happen at any given moment. New York City always seems to bring this side out in you. 

It’s home. 

But Carmy is also your home. 

Having the two of them here all at once is an indescribable feeling. You enjoy the bitter taste of your negroni, the cool spring air kissing your skin as you sit on your boyfriend’s lap. Carmy enjoys his cigarette, his whiskey sitting on the patio table in front of the two of you, as he exhales the smoke away from you. 

“Does being back here feel… I don’t know. Weird to you?” Carmy asks, breaking the quiet between the two of you. 

It’s like he can read your mind, again.

“Yeah,” you answer. “But it’s a good weird. I think maybe because we have all these memories here, you know?”

He takes another drag off the cigarette and it’s your turn to ask him a question. 

“I wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t spilled your drink on me that night. You think we still would’ve become friends?”

He’s quiet for a moment as he thinks about it. 

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, answering honestly. 

You let out a small laugh. 

“Hell of a way to get a girl’s attention.”

“Wasn’t trying to.”

“Bullshit.”

He’s telling the truth – sort of. He hadn’t been trying to get your attention, though he had spent most of the night racking his brain for any kind of conversation starter – get out of his own fuckin’ head. But he’d spent most of the night overthinking and coming up with reasons not to. He had sort of been your boss back then, after all.

He waits a beat before admitting, “And maybe the only way I would’ve even talked to you that night.”

You hum in response, taking another sip of your negroni. 

“Even then I thought I’d fully fuckin’ blown it.”

“You didn’t,” you say, shaking your head. 

“Uh… yeah I did,” he smiles, shooting you a ‘c’mon’ kind of look. “The first time you ever actually talked to me and… you’re fuckin’ furious. I was terrified.”

You can remember your first real conversation with Carmy fondly – even if it hadn’t been the fondest experience at the time.

“Baby, you ruined my shirt!” you exclaim with a laugh. “I had every right to be mad at you.”

“I wasn’t sure I’d see another day after that,” Carmy recalls, shaking his head. 

“Also. Who drinks a soda the night they get the biggest promotion of their career?” you add, referring to the coke he’d spilled all over you the night he’d gotten promoted to CDC. 

“Pop,” he corrects you. “... is a perfectly normal thing to drink at a bar.”

You roll your eyes playfully, “It’s not. But I love you anyway.”

The staff of the restaurant had wanted to go out and celebrate Carmy’s new position, only Carmy hadn’t seemed like he was in much of a mood for celebrating as he’d refused shots all night. He’d been so nervous to talk to you all night, the recently hired pastry chef, and you’d assumed he hated you considering his cold and stoic demeanor at work seemed to translate to you outside of it as well. He thought for sure he’d blown any chance of getting to talk to you that night, when you accidentally bumped into him and he’d spilled his soda all over you. Your shirt was soaked through, and your friends had rushed in with a spare t-shirt for you to change into. You’d come to find days later that it was Carmy’s shirt that he’d had in his bag.

That soda – and his chivalry that evening –  had set it all in motion.

“After all that, think we’d be here?” he asks, his eyes more like a sad, sweet puppy than ever before.

“No,” you answer honestly with a half smile. “But once I got to know you, I hoped maybe we could get here.”

He sighs, searching for the right words to tell you how he feels. The love you have together is more than he ever thought was possible for himself, and being back here with you has brought up so many memories of not feeling like enough. 

“It kinda feels…” he begins to say, choosing his words carefully. He wants to get it right. “...like. I don’t know. Kinda like we’re going backwards and forwards at the exact same time, you know?” 

You take another sip of your drink, processing what he’s said. He’s nailed it and you just need a moment to sit with his words.

“Yeah,” you sigh, like he’s finally named that thing you hadn’t been able to. “Like our past and our present are colliding or something.”

Carmy nods in agreement, “Yeah.”

You sit together in your comfortable quiet, listening to the sounds of the city below you: sirens, car horns, music from the bodega across the street. 

“I don’t know if I ever told you… how much your friendship meant to me back then. I wasn’t… well, I wasn’t in a great place,” Carmy admits, his eyes piercing and honest with his words. There’s a sadness to him and you wonder if this has been weighing on him over the last few days on top of everything else. 

“I know, sweetheart,” you reply empathetically. 

“I know we’ve talked about…” he trails off, searching for what he wants to say. “... how much we mean to each other now. But you meant so much to me back then too. I don’t-, I don’t know if I ever told you.” 

“Carmy,” you say, your heart swelling with love for the sad mess of a man whose arms you’re wrapped up in. “You didn’t need to. I-, I knew because… because you meant so much to me back then too.” 

He pauses, wondering if he should keep going, and coming to the conclusion that he wants to – not for your sake, but for his. 

Because he wants to tell you. 

“When we met… I wasn’t… planning on letting anyone in,” he continues. 

“Hmmm, didn’t notice,” you joke with him. 

He gives your hips a squeeze, causing you to giggle as you snuggle a little closer to him, hugging the blanket around the both of you. 

“I thought for sure I didn’t need anyone. Sure as hell didn’t want anyone. Had gone so long without someone to-. It just didn’t make sense for me anymore.”

You listen quietly, wanting him to give him the space to say what he needs to say. 

“You know, my sister used to say, she used to tell me that one day I’d wake up and I’d need someone. Someone other than Mikey and his friends – the kids I grew up with. And I didn’t believe her. And then he cut me out and-. And I got really fuckin’ good at it. At the food. At being alone….”

And then you came along.

“But you didn’t push me… you didn’t ask me to be anyone that I-. You just… let me be me… even if I didn’t give you much to work with at first. I think… Sugar was right. I needed a friend back then… and you were always a friend. Are always… It’s why I love you.” 

You’re grinning, and you’re also so, so proud of him – how far he’s come – to be able to tell you all of this. 

You lean over to set your drink down on the patio table. You only have one thing to say him, as you hold his head between both of your hands:

“I’m so in love with you, Bear.”

*

read: chapter three

a/n: the above first conversation/meeting that carmy x reader talk about WILL be written for my 'make my heart surrender' prequel everyone buckle up for the will-they-won't-they bc we all know THEY WILL

taglist: @allthefandomstogether @gaysludge @sobshoney @harrysmatcha @starbritestarlite @tpwkkmila @cool-girl-is-hot @nunya7394 @galaxyprincess51-blog @carmensberzattos

[darklordofthesimp]

GOOD MORNING DARK LORD!!!!

it’s 4 am and i’m back with another idea

i told u i was shaking in my metaphorical shakespearean boots

(i’m also gonna format this a tad different :P)

—

7:28 Pm, You feel liminal.

Birdy doesn’t know how long they stood their for. Watching their blood weep off their fingers and find home in a pile of sand.

They felt guilty for not cleaning it when it wasn’t a sticky, clump of actively drying goopy blood. When the components still rejected one another, droplets running off the small dune as apposed to fusing with it.

Birdy stood planted to their spot. Observing the monstrosity through eyes that felt unknown. Waiting for something to happen. Liminal.

The blood on their hands caked and cracked. Staling into a gorgeous rusted red.

Is that how their face looked?

They swayed on their feet, legs quaking but unrelenting in their fight to keep standing. They felt sick.

This was too much. They glanced at the clock above the mats, 7:36. If anyone found them like this it would be humiliating, wouldnt it?

Birdys bloodied hand slowly clenched, their feet slowly moving to shuffle them towards the showers so graciously given to 141’s training room.

It was a steady pace to get there, hand dragging against a wall to keep themselves upright. Smudging blood as they stumbled for the door.

Softly pushing it open, just enough for them to fit, and locking it back behind them.

They turned around to themselves in the mirror. Staring, observing. They brought their hand up to the scarring.

The blood looked natural there.

Forcing themselves away from the hideousness of themselves, Birdy began peeling off the layers of bandage around their hands and starting the process of cleaning them.

7:42.

The chatter outside the Gym was only just loud enough for Birdy to make out. Figuring 141 and some of the extra soldiers had gotten back from whatever mission it was this time.

They didn’t even tell Birdy they were leaving. It’s been four days. God they felt like a child.

“Do you…,” König started, cut off by himself, thinking better of his wordings.

“Are you scared of me?”

It felt guilting. Like the soft intricacies of his voice wasn’t meant for their ears. The vulnerability he was showing her wasn’t supposed to be seen.

Yes. I feel like a child.

You make me feel like a child.

You make me feel like i’m hiding something from my parents that they already know about, but i’m supposed to come clean. Like i’ve already gotten into trouble but the thought of breaking the lie with them is more punishing then the crime. Like i’m ashamed.

I meant it when i say monster.

“Yes.” If he can hurt you beyond repair. Then he’s allowed to feel it too. To grasp at a fraction of what you’re at a constant endurance with.

And he looked hurt.

A shuffle sounded outside the room. The cacophony of voices haven long since faded. The click of a door and single pair of footsteps too light to be natural found their ears.

They could only imagine the how pathetic their little blood trail looked.

Featherlight footwork ended up next to the door. A hand raised to knock before Birdy swiftly swung the door open.

“Go away simon.” Voice thick with emotion made even him almost flinch.

“Birdy..,” The movement of his balaclava every time he spoke was always an endearing trait for the wall of muscle to have.

He looked solemn. Almost wistful.

It felt condescending.

He gently caught Birdys nimble hands into his. Examining the cuts in that cold, calculating way he did.

“Stay here.” His voice commanded obedience and respect. Birdy grumbled ignorantly. Immature, yes, but it was funny to watch Ghosts exasperated sigh.

Crossing their arms over their chest and pouring a little, Birdy listened. Watching as Ghost rummaged through cabinets to find new gauze. The cuts were done bleeding and the scabbing had already started, but they had a habit of picking scabs when nervous.

Ghost led them to a small bench inside the gym, grabbing their hands as they knelt down, and slowly wrapping.

Around, over, repeat.

“What happened.” Gravel, is what he sounds like. Rough and scratchy but still smooth. You ever sweep your foot across a gravel path? and there’s always that nicely smoothened dirt track underneath. Yeah, that.

“Leave it, L.t.” You just sound idiotic. Immature. Clingy.

“Tell me what happened.” Again with his commander voice.

“I don’t need to tell you jack shit, mate.”

He hummed, a low, threatening sound in the back of his throat.

“I’m pretty sure you can figure it the fuck out if you wanna know so bad.” They knew their anger was misplaced. But they couldn’t help it.

His eyes flickered over to the punching bag for a brief moment.

“I’m sure I could.”

It felt cryptic, like there was a double meaning behind that.

“Johnny an Gaz are worried ‘bout ya, chic.” I’m worried about you, kid.

“Didn’t seem so worried when my skull collapsed.”

It was unthought. Unintentional. Birdys mouth clamped shut as his hands stopped working, checking and checking again if he heard them right.

“Birdy, you know that’s not true. We all-” His eyebrows furrowed under the mask, chest heaved a small ache at what they’d said.

“I’ve got to go. Need to- yeah.”

Hands shaking, Birdy snatched them from his grasp. Standing up and slinking quickly out of the gym and back to their room.

They heaved a shaky sigh at the eyes trailing their back. Following their path, they felt thick with amusement.

Birdy felt like an unwilling participant, in their sick, twisted gameshow.

—

i ❤️ birdy

birdy fanclub fr

anyways! hope u enjoyed my beloved dark lord

BY THE WAY WHEN U TAGGED AND SAID I SHOULD BE PAID AND STUFF FOR MY LAST KNE IM LITERALLY SO AHHHHHHHHHHH GOT ME ALL GIGGLY AN SHIT

AND YK7 MADE IT CANONNNNNNN AHHHHHHH ENDNFNDNNNFKXIISOSJSKSK

I DIDNT WVEN GET GOOD SLEEP LAST NKGHT I WAS THINKING BOUT UR FICS

SOB SOB SOB

(you DONT have to post these btw !!!!!! they’re long and ur the only person who i now crave validation from!!!!!!)

💗💗\o/💗💗

also it’s 6 am now, i got a little caught up watching kwite sorry 😞

PLEASE THE INTERACTION WITH GHOST?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

The INTERACTION WITH GHOST HAS ME FUCKING SCREAMING ITS SO AMAZING ITS SO SOFT AND PURE AND ACCURATE AND I JUST UGH.

YOU ARE SO FUCKING TALENTED.

Teach me your writing ways. Start an online course. I'll be your first student.

FEELING LIKE THEYRE PLAYING A GAME ON SOMEONE ELSES GAME SHOW IS EXQCTLY THE VIBE FOR THIS STORY AND HOLY ZHIT YOUVE CAPTURED EVERYTHINF SO WELL YOU ARE AMAZING

[thebroccolination]

Hey Key, do you have a favourite ship of all time or is it really hard to chose from certain couples? As I see you post about a lot of wonderful couples :)

Hi lovely Anon! :)

I got this yesterday morning and I’ve been thinking about it ever since because of course my brain went directly to WinTeam.

I mean, they’re definitely the ship I’ve written most about. 38% of the fics on my current AO3 account are about WinTeam. :’)

Buuuut there were a lot of, like, formative ships that I didn’t write much or anything about. And they’re ships I always go back to whenever I’m between fandoms or just in the mood for something familiar and loved.

Like RayK/Fraser from due South! They were a massive part of my teen years in fandom. If you haven’t seen it, please give it a watch! It’s all remastered and up for free on YouTube! They still mean the world to me, and some of my favorite fics of all time are about them.

And then there’s merthur, whose meteoric and enduring impact on fandom should be studied by science. I read Awake by Cori Lannam and cry at least once a year.

There’s klance, who are loud and annoy each other and were never going to be canon and VLD was always going to be a catastrophe (who doesn’t keep a story bible to keep track of their own show), but the components for an incredible dynamic were there and fans did what fans do best and made gorgeous, heart wrenching fanworks that surpassed anything in canon for me.

I also love Stony, but I want to clarify that, like, most of my love doesn’t come from the extremely bro-y Marvel movies. I was intrigued by Chris Evans and RDJ’s portrayal of Steve and Tony back when I first saw Avengers, so I came home, opened Tumblr, and looked for the movie fandom that surely already existed. What I found more of, unsurprisingly, was comic fandom, and the more I found out about Steve and Tony in the comics, the more I was underwhelmed by the movies. So basically, the main reason I’m not into Stucky is because Stony fans presented this canon head explosion from the comics first:

There’s also drarry and wolfstar, and I love them the same way I love klance: the source material is disappointing, but the components for greatness were there, and fandom elevated them.

Okay so! Those were all fanon ships, and I always knew none of them were ever going to become canon (though Merlin’s, uh, debatable, maybe discussable—“the man he loves is dying so he’s holding him” REALLY), so I kind of think of them in a separate but equal category to the canon ships.

WHICH ARE:

Viktuuri is one of those ships that just feels like shelter for me. Just, Yuri on Ice was made with such devotion. Not just love, but passion. There’s no antagonist, just Yuuri’s own anxiety and Viktor painstakingly learning to understand and speak a mutual language so he can coax art and beauty and sincerity from Yuuri’s exhausted and heartbroken soul. I’ll always love them extra special.

These two trainwrecks.

KongArt! The whole arc of Kongphob and Arthit’s relationship in SOTUS is just so satisfying and beautiful to me, I just rewatched it with friends in January and I’m already rewatching it again with a different friend now. :’)

WENZHOU. I’m also rewatching Word of Honor and just having a marvelous time re-experiencing just how unhinged they are for each other. “YOUR SON WAS KIDNAPPED WHILE YOU WERE ROLLING AROUND IN THE DAISIES” “ah” “thanks for killing the moment”

And honestly there are more ships I love, but that wasn’t your question!

Of all time.

Hmm.

I think it really is them.

They’re everything I love in a ship: push and pull, vulnerability, sass, unhinged desperation for each other, and two characters I love equally.

WinTeam just has me by the soul, man.

[capitalgaragedooor]

Garage Door Woes? Our FAQ Guide to Repair Needs in Ottawa

A malfunctioning garage door can disrupt your day and leave your car vulnerable. But how do you know when a simple DIY fix is enough, and when it's time to call in a professional for garage door repair in Ottawa? This FAQ guide equips you with the knowledge to assess your situation and ensure your garage door operates smoothly.

My garage door seems sluggish and hesitant when opening or closing. Is that serious?

A sluggish door can be a sign of underlying issues. Here are some culprits to consider:

Worn Out Rollers and Springs: These components are crucial for smooth movement. Worn rollers can create friction, while weak springs may struggle to lift the door efficiently.

Misaligned Tracks: Over time, tracks can become bent or misaligned, causing the door to bind and move unevenly.

Faulty Garage Door Opener: The opener itself might be malfunctioning, leading to sluggish operation.

Don't wait for a complete breakdown. Scheduling a routine inspection can identify the cause and prevent further problems. Consider exploring our Services Page to learn more about our comprehensive maintenance plans designed to keep your garage door operating smoothly.

My garage door is noisier than a rock concert every time it operates! What's going on?

Excessive noise is a definite red flag! Here are some potential causes:

Lack of Lubrication: Just like a car, your garage door benefits from regular lubrication. Without it, metal components can grind together, creating unpleasant sounds.

Loose Bolts and Screws: Over time, these can become loose, causing parts to vibrate and generate noise.

Broken Rollers: Worn or broken rollers can also contribute to noisy operation.

Ignoring these noises can lead to more significant problems down the line. Consider contacting a professional for garage door repair in Ottawa to address the issue before it worsens.

Sometimes, the garage door just refuses to budge! What could be wrong?

A completely unresponsive door can be caused by several factors:

Power Outage: This is the simplest explanation. Check if the power is on and ensure your opener is properly connected.

Sensor Malfunction: Safety sensors are essential for preventing the door from closing on people or objects. A faulty sensor can prevent the door from functioning.

Broken Opener Components: Internal malfunctions within the opener itself can also render the door inoperable.

If your garage door refuses to budge, don't force it. Call a qualified technician to diagnose the problem and ensure a safe repair.

Are there any visual signs that my garage door needs attention?

Absolutely! Keep an eye out for these potential red flags:

Visible Damage: Dents, cracks, or warping on the door panels can indicate structural issues that compromise security and functionality.

Uneven Door Balance: An unbalanced door puts extra strain on the opener and tracks, leading to future problems. This can be visually identified by observing the door tilting to one side.

Loose or Broken Cables: These cables are essential for lifting and lowering the door. Any visible fraying or breakage is a major concern and requires immediate attention.

Remember, prevention is key! Regular inspections by a professional can identify minor issues before they escalate into major repairs. Scheduling an annual inspection can save you money and frustration in the long run.

We hope this blog has helped you identify potential signs that your garage door needs repair. If you're experiencing any of these issues, don't hesitate to contact Capital Garage Door Ottawa! Our team of experienced technicians is here to provide prompt, reliable service and ensure your garage door operates smoothly and safely. You can visit our Home Page to learn more about the services we offer.

For a deeper dive into keeping your garage door safe, we recommend checking out our informative blog, Essential Safety Tips for Your Garage Door By prioritizing safety and addressing minor issues promptly, you can ensure your garage door functions flawlessly for years to come.

[findtechnologystudio]

Unlocking Your PC's Full Capacity with Windows Activation Keys

Unlock the total ability of your personal computer through utilizing the power of Microsoft Windows Account activation Keys. Through guaranteeing your OS is actually confirmed and also protected, these keys break the ice for enhanced performance and access to a stable of premium features. However there's even more to it than just that-- these keys serve as an entrance to a world of personalization choices and also software application updates that may really lift your computer experience. So, exactly how precisely can these keys improve your PC right into a powerhouse of productivity as well as efficiency?

Importance of Windows Account Activation Keys.

Windows Activation Keys are actually vital for validating your Windows operating system. Without an authentic Windows key, you may experience limits in operation certain functions or even accessing updates. It is actually vital to make sure that you have a genuine Windows key to stay away from prospective issues along with your system.

While some may seek Windows keys, it is vital to become watchful as utilizing unauthorized keys can result in safety threats and potential system vulnerability. Real Microsoft Windows keys deliver you along with comfort, understanding that your operating system is valid and also entirely assisted by Microsoft.

Securing Your Personal Computer With Account Activation Keys

Improvement your computer's protection through making use of account activation keys to secure your system from unapproved gain access to as well as possible risks. Activation keys act as a defensive obstacle, ensuring that only licensed users may access your system. Through requiring an one-of-a-kind key to switch on particular functions or even program, you add an additional level of protection against malicious attacks as well as data breaches. These keys help prevent unauthorized installations as well as guard your vulnerable information from being compromised.

Accessing Superior Components Along With Keys

Open additional functions by utilizing account activation keys to accessibility premium components on your computer. These keys allow you to open enhanced devices as well as capacities that can easily enrich your consumer experience. By inputting the account activation key supplied to you, you can easily get to exclusive functions including advanced protection procedures, improved storage options, as well as customized setups. These costs components can assist improve your PC's functionality and customize it to your certain demands.

Whether it's improved protection actions, extra storage capability, or even enhanced modification alternatives, account activation keys open a globe of possibilities for your computer. Maximize your gadget through leveraging these Windows keys to gain access to superior features that are going to take your computing knowledge to the following level.

Modification Options Along With Account Activation Keys

To better enrich your computing experience, look into the realm of modification possibilities on call with account activation keys on your computer. Activation keys may uncover attributes like individualized motifs, customized histories, and one-of-a-kind noise systems. Through going into the account activation key delivered, you may customize your personal computer to demonstrate your individual type and also desires. Change the color design, typefaces, as well as also the arrangement of images on your screen to create a workspace that fits your necessities.

In addition, activation keys may give the capacity to individualize settings for certain requests or systems, permitting you to improve your process as well as efficiency. Benefit from these customization options to create your PC truly your personal and improve your total customer knowledge.

Final Thought

Unlocking the power of your personal computer along with Windows account activation keys is vital for making the most of performance, surveillance, as well as access to premium features. Through making use of these keys, you may boost your processing encounter, tailor your personal computer, and also stay protected against risks. Do not skip out on the perks of real account activation keys, they are actually the key to unlocking the total capacity of your personal computer.

[bike-safety]

10 Essential Motorcycle Protection Gear for Safe Riding

As an avid enthusiast and experienced rider in the world of powersport biking, I've come to understand the critical importance of protective gear for ensuring safety and confidence on the road. In this comprehensive blog, I will detail the 10 essential pieces of motorcycle protection gear that are indispensable for safe riding, delving into how each component plays a vital role in safeguarding riders.

Introduction

When it comes to motorcycle riding, the thrill and freedom are unparalleled. However, this excitement comes with its own set of risks. The right protection gear is not just an accessory; it’s a necessity for every ride. From helmets to boots, each piece of gear serves a specific safety function. Let's explore the top ten essential motorcycle protection gear items that every rider should have.

1. Helmet: The Lifesaver

Your First Line of Defense:

Utmost Importance: A helmet is the most crucial piece of safety gear. It protects your head, arguably the most vulnerable part of your body, in an accident.

Types and Standards: Full-face, open-face, modular, and half helmets are available. Always choose one that meets safety standards like DOT, ECE, or SNELL.

2. Riding Jacket: Vital Upper Body Protection

Armored Comfort:

Material and Build: Look for jackets made from abrasion-resistant materials like leather or reinforced textiles, with built-in or removable armor for the back, shoulders, and elbows.

Weather Adaptability: Consider jackets with ventilation for warm weather or insulated ones for colder climates.

3. Gloves: Protecting Your Hands

Essential for Grip and Safety:

Functionality: Gloves safeguard your hands from abrasions and help maintain control of the bike. Look for ones with reinforced palms, knuckle guards, and a snug fit.

4. Motorcycle Pants: Lower Body Armor

Safeguarding Legs and Hips:

Design: Choose pants designed for riders, made from tough materials like Kevlar or leather, with armor in the knees and hips.

Comfort and Mobility: Ensure they provide comfort and don't restrict your movement while riding.

5. Boots: Essential Footwear

Ankle Support and Protection:

Safety Features: Motorcycle boots should protect your feet and ankles, have non-slip soles for grip, and provide stability both on and off the bike.

Fit and Comfort: Make sure they fit comfortably, especially when shifting and braking.

6. Ear Protection: Preserving Hearing

Combatting Wind Noise:

Long-Term Health: Prolonged exposure to wind noise can damage your hearing. Quality earplugs or noise-canceling helmet features can be invaluable.

Balance Safety with Awareness: Choose ear protection that reduces noise while allowing you to hear important sounds like traffic.

7. Eye Protection: Clear Vision is Key

Shielding Your Eyes:

Necessity: If your helmet doesn't have a face shield, use goggles or safety glasses to protect your eyes from wind, debris, and insects.

Lens Quality: Look for UV protection and anti-fog properties.

8. Neck Protection: Minimizing Injury Risk

Supporting the Neck:

Neck Braces: These can help prevent serious neck injuries, especially during high-speed impacts or off-road riding.

Integration with Helmet: Ensure that your neck protection fits well with your helmet and doesn’t restrict movement.

9. High-Visibility Gear: Being Seen

Enhancing Road Presence:

Visibility on the Road: High-visibility gear, including vests and jacket or pant panels with reflective materials, increases your visibility to other road users.

Color Choice: Bright colors can also enhance daytime visibility.

10. Body Armor: Extra Layer of Safety

Reinforced Protection:

Additional Armor: For high-risk riding or additional peace of mind, consider wearing a body armor suit under your jacket and pants.

Coverage: Good body armor offers protection for the chest, back, arms, and legs.

The Importance of Proper Gear

Why Each Piece Matters:

Comprehensive Protection: Each piece of gear serves to protect a specific part of your body, collectively contributing to overall safety.

Investing in Quality: While quality gear can be an investment, it is insignificant compared to the value of your safety and well-being.

Conclusion

Equipping yourself with these essential motorcycle protection gear items is fundamental for every ride. They collectively work to protect you from various injuries and ensure your safety in different riding conditions. As riders, it is our responsibility to prioritize our safety by choosing the right gear for every journey. Remember, the best protection is the one that suits your riding style, fits well, and, most importantly, is worn consistently. Ride safe, and let your gear be your trusted companion on every adventure.

[lubdubsworld]

Falling for you ( Falling from Grace) Jungkook x OC

Summary : Friends with benefits? Or maybe Enemies who just happen to be each other’s best fuck? Areum and Jungkook love driving each other crazy, but also can’t keep their hands off each other.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6

Chapter 7

“A two hour lunch break and a limp? You’ve been busy , I see.....” Hobi remarked mildly , when I slinked back to my desk, thighs still shaking . 

I winced when I sat down, glaring at him.

“I sprained my ankle....” I snapped, internally cringing at the ridiculous lie. 

“While riding his dick? How did that happen?? ” Hoseok rolled his eyes and before I could pretend to be properly outraged he continued, “ No matter.... i want you to compile those memos from last week and write up the report for last week’s meeting. The minutes are in the file.” 

I didn’t particularly enjoy my job or hate it. It was just something I did to make money and I was fine with that. As a kid I’d had some vague dreams of being a photographer and while I did occasionally take my camera out to click candids of my family or the occasional cherry blossom tree, it wasn’t a major component in my life. 

Or at least, it hadn’t been, for the two and half years I’d worked here. Right about the time I started sleeping with Jungkook. I stared at the screen, feeling myself drown in the redundant words. It wasn’t that I didn’t imagine a life with Jungkook.....but... I wasn’t sure if we would work well, as a couple. I had never been on a date with him , never met each other for anything that didn’t end in mutually ( enjoyable ) orgasms and just.... most of the time we did piss each other off incredibly. 

But I could feel the clock ticking....I wasn’t really a co ed anymore, was I? There was more to a relationship than just sex and ... I wanted it. Of course I did....

I couldn’t spend the rest of my life doing this with Jungkook. But I couldn’t for the life of me, imagine not  doing this with him. 

And in the wake of that thought came the thought I had always avoided.

 What if I could have both? What if I could have the dirty , raunchy , mindblowing sex , along with the Sunday brunches, picnics in the park and skinny dipping in the pool at midnight? 

What if, possibly, Jungkook could be the one I had dinner with on a Friday night? What if he was the one I woke up to everyday, made pancakes for and with, smearing flour on each other’s noses as we chased each other around the kitchen in our PJs?

 Fuck. 

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook was busy for a couple of days with his training and I couldn’t get a chance to meet him . On the day before his supposed match, he told me he wanted to ‘unwind’ . Would I be kind enough to join him for the night? 

I agreed, 

My phone buzzed, just as I stepped out of the shower. I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous contact name that Jungkook had probably put in himself. 

 From Hungkook 

You have an appointment tonight m’lady. 

An appointment to ride this dick.

On my terms.

You’re gonna stay over right?

 I scoffed at the last bit., When had it ever  not  been on his terms?? I ran the towel through my hair before carefully coating my fingers with lotion and threading them through the damp strands. 

~~~~

From me,

When did you change your fucking contact name , dickhead. Yes, I’ll stay over and we’re meeting at 7.00 PM right?? Will you pick me up?

~~~~

From Kook,

 Wasn’t me.... must’ve been you subconsciously. Don’t tell me you aren’t thinking about how big I am,  all the fucking time. 

I’m still  setting stuff up. Get a cab. Or I can send my chauffeur if you want? 

~~~~

From me,

 No. I’ll drive myself over. 

~~~~

From Kook,

Wear something easy to take off. c u. 

~~~~

Jerk, I thought fondly. Staring at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t help but feel incredibly vulnerable. I wanted to talk to Jungkook about us. And I would.... eventually. When I felt ready enough.... 

For tonight, I would indulge him. .  

I had gone the extra mile today, soaked in the tub for a whole hour so my skin was completely imbibed with the  scent of strawberries and cream, with little whiffs of lavender. The body scrub had done its job and my skin fairly glowed, plump and soft. 

I decided to forego makeup, only putting on the barest minimum : some gloss and a moisturizing spray. I grabbed the short kimono style dress from the closet, slipping it on without anything underneath. 

I stared at myself from all angles, just to make sure I was still decent. Not that it would matter. Jungkook’s condo had a private elevator that no one but he used . Perks of owning the entire apartment complex , I guessed. I hesitated before rummaging through the  small jewelry box I kept hidden in the back of the closet. 

It had a small necklace, the only gift I’d ever accepted from Jungkook. I stared at the small , pendant : a small heart with the words, JK’s engraved on it. It had been a gag gift, meant to aggrieve me during one of our ridiculous spats. But i traced the words and wondered why the prospect of belonging to him didn’t feel quite as infuriating as it used to . 

Slipping it on, I quickly grabbed my wallet and keys. 

Well, time to get this show on the road. ‘

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook opened the door, freshly showered, dressed in a white linen shirt, a few sizes too big and opened half way through. As always, a glimpse of his gorgeous face was all it took for arousal to pool in the pit of my stomach. I smiled at him.

“Hi.” I grinned.

He stared at me for a second taking a deep breath.

“Jesus, you smell fucking delicious....What  is that?” He groaned, grabbing my wrist and tugging me in. I followed him to the dining space, blinking when I saw the two small glasses of wine. 

“Ooh...fancy. Looks like you’re looking to spoil someone tonight. “ I teased. 

“Yeah, just had my girlfriend over. You must’ve run into her on the way up.” He winked and I shook my head, laughing as I grabbed one, taking a small sip. 

“So....? Should we get started....”

Jungkook hummed, grabbing the satin ribbon tie that held my dress together and tugging on it gently. I kept my eyes trained on his face , just so I wouldn’t miss the look on his face when the fabric fell apart. 

He didn’t disappoint. 

Doe eyes widened in shock, lips parting in a sharp little exhale as he stared at me, completely naked in the golden spool of light, cast by the small chandelier overhead. 

“Oh fuck.....is that...?” He lightly pulled the pendant at the base of my throat, staring at the inscription.

“Thought it may turn you on....” I shrugged. Jungkook’s eyes ran up and down my body and I felt an inordinate thrill at how open he was with how much he enjoyed looking at me, even though it was far from the first time. 

“That’s my biggest weakness, darling......I’m always turned on for you...” He grinned , winking. 

“So should we go open that toy box of yours?” I prompted when he stepped closer. 

“Hmm... Not like this. “ He grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and off his torso before carefully slipping it on me. “ I can’t concentrate if you’re standing here without clothes on.” 

 The linen shirt, big on Jungkook’s broad frame , practically swallowed me up, hanging somewhere near my knee. I watched the way his pupils dilated when he stared at me.

“Fuck... you in my clothes.... This may be worse than you being naked...” He said, sounding slightly strangled. 

I flicked his forehead playfully.

“I’m beginning to think you’re just stalling.... ” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Nope, just thinking of a couple of drawings I could make with this particular shirt on you.” 

I felt my insides quiver as I remembered the art and the very enjoyable time I’d had seeing all of it. 

“If you hurry up , I may model for you. “ I said casually and Jungkook froze.

“Better not joke about that, Areum...” He said harshly.

“Well, what if I’m not?” 

“Are you?”

“Only one way to find out.” I smiled, yelping when his arms shot out, wrapping around my thighs and throwing me over his shoulder as he stalked over to the bedroom.

I whined because his shoulder blades dug into my tummy , feeling slightly dizzy from all the blood rushing to my head.

I stumbled a bit when he set me down , blinking to orient myself. I stared around at the room, my throat going dry. 

The bed was covered in satin sheets in a rich shade of burgundy . The entire room was lit only from the backlight in the bedframe, low and demure as it lit parts of the bed while the rest of room stayed plunged in darkness. An ornate table stood right next to the bed with what looked like a hundred or so sex toys and I flushed red, my face heating up. 

I felt my heart begin to pound inside me. 

It was so foreign, this desperate sort of anticipation, something I didn’t usually feel because this was Jungkook and I knew him ....knew his body better than my own. 

“Well, since you wanted to pick the toys we’d use today....”

“No.” I whispered softly.

“What?”

I turned to him , smiling before carefully walking over to the bed and climbing on. I crawled to the center before carefully sitting down on my heels, kneeling. 

“You can pick.”  I shrugged. 

Jungkook stared at me thoughtfully.

“You’re joking.” He said softly.

“I trust you.” I replied. 

His eyes widened, lips parting. He licked his lips, before tugging his lower lip between his teeth. 

“Really? You trust me?” He asked, looking incredibly skeptical.

“I do. “

“Trust that I ....?” 

“That you won’t hurt me.”

“Hmm... I’ve gone soft on you haven’t I? Haven’t left bruises on that perfect body in a while... “ He said casually and I felt my heart jerk a little. 

Earlier in our relationship, Jungkook had always skirted the edge of too much, sometimes leaving marks and bruises  that lingered for weeks after our sexcapades. And he was right...we had toned it down the past few weeks,

“Even then...You never did anything I didn’t want.” I pointed out. 

He smiled.

“That’s true... my pretty little slut, you wanted every single one of those bruises, didn’t you?”

I nodded.

“I did...” 

“So , I can just go pick any toy I want and you’ll let me put it on you....?  In you?” He prompted. 

“I trust you.” I said again. 

He narrowed his eyes at me  before moving slowly to the table. I stared back, holding his gaze as I watched him carefully pick up something from the table.

My heart dropped when I saw the small flogger, his ivory fingers curling on the handle as he carefully, swatted the inside of his other palm with it.

“You sure you’re up for this?” He brought the flogger down on the bed with enough force to make the sheets crackle and the noise was so sharply frightening that I couldn’t help but jump a little.  I flinched so bad, my lips wobbled.

He watched the way I was shaking and scoffed.

“Thought so, fragile little thing like you could never--”

“Yes.” I snapped, willing myself to stay calm. “Yes.” 

Jungkook’s gaze snapped to mine. 

“Color?”

I swallowed, trying to get my senses together. I calmed myself down, trying to think rationally instead of impulsively. 

“Green.” I whispered. 

He hummed. 

I watched as he grabbed a small vibrator , holding it up for me to see., I shrugged, 

“I told you ...I trust you. Looks like you don’t trust yourself... What’s the matter, Jeon,  too chicken to be a real man?  “ I whispered.

His gaze narrowed dangerously. 

He moved briskly to the table and grabbed things quickly. I bit my lips as I saw the nipple clamps, the small whip, the handcuffs and the pinwheel among other things. 

I pulled my gaze away from the toys and stared at him. 

“If anyone can make me enjoy those things...its you.” I whispered and his eyes softened visibly.

“Fuck...don’t say shit like that....” He whispered.

I laughed a little, nodding. 

“Okay. “ I agreed. 

He grabbed a small strip of cloth from the table and held it up between his hands. 

“I’m going to put this on you first. “

I nodded, as familiar with the thick, satiny length of it as i was with my own skin. Jungkook sometimes liked using it to tie my wrists together , especially when he intended to take his time. 

i held my hands out but he shook his head, holding it up and then placing it over my eyes. 

I faltered a little when my vision went black, swallowing as the scent of his bodywash hit me, his body just a few inches away and the urge to touch was so strong , my mouth watering with the urge to run to my lips all over his delectable body. 

He finished tying the fabric at the base of my skull and pulled away. I felt the bed dip as he moved away. 

“ Take that shirt off.” 

I grabbed the hem and stripped quickly, tossing the shirt aside. 

“Lie down. On your back.” 

I nodded before doing just that, letting my arms rest on the side, palms facing up. 

The sound of the flogger cracking through the air made me wince. 

“You’ve ever been hit with one of these....” His voice came from somewhere to my right and I bit my lips, shaking my head.,

“Use your words doll....” 

The nick name made me squirm. 

“No.”

I jumped when I felt the soft strips of the blogger brush against my thigh, so gentle it felt like a kiss. 

“Hmm.... I want you to stay quiet from now unless i ask you something and you will only say, yes or no. Got that?”

“Yes.” 

“Good girl.” 

I felt like I was over heating, my body thrumming with anticipation.

“i don’t use it too often because I prefer my hands. Like bringing it down on the curve of your ass or maybe your thighs.....Nothing quite as satisfying as feeling that soft flesh give under your palm, hot and burning. And man the way the red just blooms on the surface when i pull away....addicting.”

His fingers closed over my thigh and squeezed. 

I jerked a bit. 

“It hurts at first....but it also feels good. A good , fiery burn that makes you feel alive .... that makes your skin thrum with life....and after the tenth hit, the pain is so numbed down that your mind only experiences the pleasure ..... “ 

I bit my lips to stop myself from saying anything. 

“The pinwheel is what really hurts.” I felt the sharp prick of it on my cheek, and i jerked back a bit., “  It’s very sharp and precise....like the stab of a hundred needles on your body...I like using it between the thighs....You know, right on that swollen little nub in the middle.... usually makes the girl lift right off the bed....”

He chuckled .

I was panting a bit, every word translating into a phantom touch on my body. Although he was only saying it, my body seemed to experience it physically. 

I felt the air shift around me, and then the familiar press of him body on mine, my arms instinctively shooting up to grip him as he straddled my waist, his hands grabbing my wrists and yanking them away. He pushed my hands up against the headboard, and I felt his breath right against my neck, feather light kisses that traced a path up to my ear and then he gently blew air against my earlobe. 

“And man, the vibrator is my favorite.” His voice was low and deep, whispering dirty, right into my ear and I clenched around nothing, feeling wet and empty as he went on, “  I’d leave it right up against your clit while I eat you out, two of my fingers fucking into your sweet little cunt, tongue lapping up that sweet , sweet slick of yours..... Fucking delicious , makes me want to bury my face into it.... fuck.....baby, i could eat you out for hours.... “

I choked out, struggling to get my hands free, desperate to feel him, desperate to feel him inside me .

“I would eat you out so good but I wouldn’t let you cum.” 

I felt my heart drop. 

“Please Jungkook-”

“Uh-uh-uh....Nope...” Jungkook muttered.” Don’t want you begging so soon baby.,... we haven’t even started yet...Didn’t I tell you not to say anything till I asked you to? What's the matter baby, you like hearing what I want to do to you? Doesn’t it make you wet...make you want to fuck yourself on my cock?”

I bit my lips, trying to regulate my breathing , bucking up into his hardness as he rolled his hips into mine. I kicked out , trying to dislodge him, just a little bit so I could feel him where i wanted and he grunted when my heel hit his shin. 

I whined when his fingers tightened on my wrists, hard enough to make the bones grind together. Pain shot up my forearm and I whimpered when a hand wrapped around my throat, gentle but with the threat of force behind it. 

“Stop fucking wiggling and listen to me. “ He snapped and I froze. 

“If I eat you out.... turn the vibrator up, and then tell you to not cum till i ask you to.....Can you do that?” 

“Yes.” I sobbed out, 

He grinned.

“Really baby? No protests? You’ve never let me edge you before....I wonder what’s changed?” He whispered.

“Trust you.” I whispered and his breath caught again. 

“You trust me that much?”

“Yes.” 

“Trust me when I say if you cant hold it off...if you cum without my permission, well....that’s when I’m gonna get the fucking whip.” 

My body screamed in protest at the very thought of it. 

“Well? “ He demanded, squeezing down on my throat just a bit. “ Still trust me?”

I felt the first gush of tears, feeling my heart thud against my ribs. All i could think about was Jungkook’s face when he’d held me that day, when Junho had hurt me. The way his eyes had flooded with tears at the sight of me hurt and it was absolutely laughable....the idea that Jeon Jungkook would somehow choose to hurt me voluntarily. 

“Trust you.” 

For a few seconds, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t move either. 

“Should we get started then?” 

“Okay.” I whispered.

I felt a pang of loss when he moved up and off my body, and I blinked against the blindfold, trying to ground myself. Fear and arousal made me disoriented , my mind struggling to decide whether I was enjoying this or not. 

I heard the crack of the flogger again and screwed my eyes shut. 

“You ready?” , the bristles traced up my leg, from my feet right up to the top of my thighs. 

I took a deep shuddering breath.

“Yes.”

I bit my lips, bracing myself for the hit. 

It never came. 

Instead, all i felt was the gentle brush of lips against my brow, and then against my cheek, soft, feather light kisses , peppered across my jaw and down my neck. I gasped as his lips parted slightly, opening and closing on the soft skin, suckling gently for just a second before his tongue followed, soothing the slight sting. 

I licked my lips , gasping when his fingers fluttered up and down my arm, so gentle that I wanted to cry. 

“I like the idea of taking you apart...., having you tremble with anticipation because you’re scared of what I’d do next , but you know what I like more, Areum?” 

Fingers lightly gripped my wrist, pulling them up till my hands rested on his shoulders. 

“Jungkook?”

“I like it when you touch me. I like it when you’re trembling, not because you’re scared or worried but because you’re feeling good....because I’m making you feel good.” 

I smiled despite myself. 

“Can i touch you?” I whispered.

“You don’t ever have to ask...” He breathed against my lips, and i surged up to kiss him. Letting my fingers drop down to tug at the hardened length of him. I ran a finger over the tip, mouth watering at the mound of precum leaking out of him, enough for me to get my palm wet , so I could stroke him without any abrasive friction. 

He growled , rolling over me and nipping sharply at my neck, before pressing a quick kiss to my lips.

“Gonna eat you out. “ He growled and i grinned.

“No vibrator?” I teased and he grunted, already crawling down my body.

“Don’t need it.... Gonna make you cum just with my tongue.” 

I let my head fall back against the pillows as he grabbed my hips, lifting my waist up before shoving a couple of pillow underneath.

“Bend your knees and spread your thighs for me angel.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my ankle and I nodded quickly, doing just that. I dug my heels into the soft sheets. 

“You want to me to get the vibrator?” He bit my thighs lightly and I jumped. 

“Not really....” I breathed out .

Warm wetness closed over my center and I gasped, fingers reaching down to grip his hair . 

“Gonna ride my face , baby?” He laughed against my slit, tongue tracing the seam with soft little kitten licks and I groaned. 

He lost no time, slipping two fingers straight into me, parting them in a V and licking into the gap, tongue pushing into me with the kind of ease that came from doing something you loved, something you enjoyed doing. 

Pleasure shot straight up my spine rendering me boneless, my limbs turning to jelly as he used his thumb to gently run circles on my clit, all the while licking into me, tongue curling inside me, pushing against my walls and lapping up the wetness like it was the sweetest drink he’d ever had. 

And nothing was a bigger turn on than how much he seemed to be enjoying it and i found myself falling apart embarrassingly fast. I felt my thighs start to tremble and Jungkook hugged against me, slipping another finger in, the fit now tight and I whimpered when he curled his fingers inside me, fingers tips reaching back to nudge the spot the usually sent me spiraling off the edge. 

“Don’t want you to cum yet,....hold off for me.... “ He whispered suddenly, squeezing in a fourth finger and I blacked out when my orgasm hit before I could even try to stop it, clenching down on his fingers so tight that he couldn’t even move them , my muscles screaming as I gripped the duvet under my fingers.

“I ....” i  couldn’t form words. 

“Thought I told you not to cum.” He said softly, somewhere over me. 

I swallowed.

“You... You did it on purpose ...you... fuck...”

“Did what on purpose...” He was laughing a little, and I mewled a little when his fingers rubbed on my clit again, thumb dipping into me playfully.

“Told me to not cum just before you.... Oh fuck” I choked out when he slipped his fingers right back in, and my body screamed in protest , the overstimulation making my eyes water. 

“Sould i get the whip as promised?” He laughed and I froze.

“I would let you, you know. “ I said softly.

He didn’t respond but he did draw his fingers out of me. I let my legs drop down to the bed and waited for him to say something but he didn’t , so I continued, stammering a bit.

“It’s not the kind of thing i would want in general...” I admitted, “ But I didn’t like half the things we do now, once. You’re... you’re my kink.” I chuckled, feeling a bit like i was laying myself bare . 

“Areum...”

“Its you...anything that makes you feel good is what makes me feel good... I love the way your eyes darken when you tie me up...The way you always want to hold me down with a little more force than necessary and the way you sometimes , purposely leave me handcuffed in a way that makes it hurt..... and its not because I’m a masochist or because i love pain but i just... I like doing it for you. “ I admitted. 

I waited for him to say something, and the silence made me nervous. Had I said too much? Had I made him uncomfortable? Oh God, did he think it was too weird?

I opened my mouth, ready to apologize for making things weirds, but before I could , the blindfold came off and I blinked , confused to see him hovering over me. 

“I...” He looked like he was shaking. 

“Jungkook?” I asked, confused, hand reaching up to grip his cheek, concern blooming inside me because of how scared and terrified he looked. 

“You.... You...What you said...” He was definitely shaking, 

“I’m sorry.” I said softly. “ I didn’t mean to imply I didn’t like it..I just want you to know that I’m open to doing new things with you and you don’t have to hold yourself back......”

"Fuck .,.. Areum.. I...” He closed his eyes, laughing a little. 

Genuinely worried, I brushed my thumb across his cheek in worry.

“Hey...what’s wrong?” I asked gently. 

His eyes fluttered open and he stared right at me. 

“I think I’m in love with you.” He whispered. 

My breath got knocked right out of my lung and i gasped out loud, my mind turning to complete mush. 

“I-uh...whu-buh???” I said intelligently and he laughed.

“Fuck.. i didn’t... I didn’t mean to blurt that out.. I...”

I grabbed him before he could move away, tugging his gorgeous face closer to mine.

“Did you mean that?” I croaked out, my voice raw from shock.

He stared at me doe eyes wide and open and so damn vulnerable. 

“Uh...yeah.. I... “

“you stupid fucking bastard...” i choked out, raising myself up to capture his lips with mine. He groaned as he kissed back, lips opening beneath mine and tongue slipping into my mouth with the practiced familiarity of a thousand kisses behind us ad it was so amazing, how incredibly new and exciting this felt, when we had done it so many times. 

I found myself grinning into the kiss as I slipped my fingers into his hair, tugging on the thick dark locks , to pull him away for a second. 

“Can i take you out on a date?” I panted and he was grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah.... Yeah... you can.” 

I smiled and bit my lips, tears spilling out before i could stop myself. 

“I love you so fucking much...” I whispered and he brushed his thumbs across my cheek, wiping away the dampness.

“So fucking sappy.....” He said fondly. “ Now , tell me....can I fuck you....?”

I shook my head. 

Jungkook’s face fell, lips jutting out in a pout and I pressed a finger against his lips when he began to protest.

“You can’t fuck me....but you can make love to me. If you even know how.” 

His gaze softened. 

“I’ve always made love to you Areum.... I may have been rough but I never had anything but affection for you when I touched you.”

I couldn’t help but trace my fingers over his features, taking in the handsome curves and ridges of his face. 

“ I know...but I’d still like to do it gently. Sometimes.” 

He nodded.

“Anything for my gorgeous girlfriend.” He pecked my nose. 

My heart leapt right up at that. 

I could get used to being called that. 

I wrapped both my legs around him, drawing him closer.

“How do you want it?” He whispered.

“Just you... inside. “ I rubbed my nose against his as he nodded.

He barely let me catch my breath before lining himself right up against me and sliding right in and this time, I got to hold his gaze as he slid home, saw exactly how it affected him, how pleasure hit him, hard and fast as he sank into my warmth. 

“Oh fuck...” He whispered . 

“Fuck me slow.... like you have all the time in the world.” I demanded, slipping my fingers in his hair and gripping hard and he grunted, gripping my waist and squeezing hard enough to bruise . 

“ As you wish.” He moved his hands up to shape my breasts, thumb brushing my nipples till the nubs perked right up and I groaned when he bent over and took one of them into his mouth, all the while sliding in and out of me at a tortuously slow pace.

"I'm glad we skipped over the part where we deny our feelings.." I whispered against his lips and he grinned.

"I've never denied shit. If you remember..... This whole sex only business was entirely your idea....I asked you on a date two years ago...."

I flushed.

" I thought you were mocking me."

He shook his head , gripping me close and rolling us over so I was on top. Taking the cue, I dug my knees into the duvet and gripped his shoulders, biting my lips at the new angle .

" No , You thought I was a fuckboy..... I wasn't and I knew that I would have to work hard to prove it to you. "

"Prove that you weren't a fuckboy?"

"Prove that just because I liked sex doesn't mean I don't care about anything else.....Prove that, yes, I wanted to fuck your brains out but i also wanted to hold your hands and lick ice cream off your nose...." He rolled his hips into me and I moaned. 

“Well, thank you for that. Point taken . “ I choked out. 

He hummed and jugged the chain on my neck, fingers lightly tracing the inscribed JK’S.

“ So this is official?” He grinned. 

I rolled my eyes.

“I belong to no one.” I said loftily and he responded my moving his hips just a little too harsh on the next thrust, making me yelp in surprise. 

“This feels good...” He kissed the tip of my nose. 

“Nothing like good old vanilla sex after a heartfelt confession. “ I hummed. 

“But just so you know, we are definitely. playing with my toys someday.” 

I gave his ear a sharp tug.

“Stop ruining the moment and fuck me.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR’S NOTE :  See.... not a smidgen of angst to be seen anywhere :D :D :D Please leave feedback I’m thirsty for it :’( 

taglist :   

@veronawrites

@ladyartemesia

@jincentvangogh

@unicornbabylover

@ggukkieland

@yoongisdragon

@aamxxrii

@brooky95

@apollukee

[naturalbeautyhelp]

Acne Cures on a budget  (revamped)

Acne is a very tricky subject that millions of people struggle with- sometimes for their entire lives. If you have struggled yourself I’m sure you’re aware that there is no cure-all for acne, but there may be some methods for healing the skin that you haven’t heard yet so I’m going to share everything I know with you just in case.  First, the basics:

1. Drink plenty of water and eat healthy foods. This is just a given. If you want to feel comfortable in your skin you may have to make some lifestyle changes. that Includes getting regular exercise and sunlight. 2. Recognize the fact that your skin is an organ. Like any organ it has an ecosystem of healthy bacteria that ought to be treated with care- much like a garden. It will need different things on different days, and in order to reach it’s fullest potential, the gardener (that’s you) will need to pay close attention to it. 

3. Be aware that pimples are infected pores which are attempting to heal themselves. The puss inside of them is a soup of white blood cells which are trying to repair the skin for some reason. Finding the root cause of the infection before treatment is ideal. 

A few common acne culprits: Your acne could be hormonal, it could be caused by allergies (ex: food allergies, detergent allergies), or your skin may be getting bacterial infections from unsanitary surfaces or poor air quality. 

Now to get into the technical stuff: 

~If your skin is hurting, red, swollen, try putting down harsh chemicals like Niacinamide and Retinol, and try something calming like rosehip oil or aloe vera.

  Amaranthus oil, tea tree oil, rapeseed oil, rosewater, and witch hazel are all examples of gentle things that are amazing for the skin. I know natural skin healers can be very expensive, but if you can’t afford them don’t hesitate to steel them from your local, unethical corporate store. If you need tips on s***lifting,  try visiting this Reddit community at   https://www.reddit.com/r/IllegalLifeProTips/

~Rinse your face with cool or cold water every time you wash it. This seals up your pores and prevents dirt and bacteria from entering them.

~Make sure that the things that touch your face every day are clean. Make sure that the cloths and towels that you use on your face are clean. Disinfect face tools regularly and use hot water on wash cloths to kill bacteria between washes.  Clean your glasses. Change your sheets and pillow cases frequently. In addition, avoid touching your face constantly with your hands as well as your hair, and keep your hands and hair clean. 

~⚠️Don’t pick your face! Pimples are like Petri dishes full of puss and bacteria and when you pop them you are just spreading the ickiness around to the rest of your face. In addition to that, every time you pop a pimple you are damaging the barrier of your skin, which not only can cause scarring and dark spots, but it can leave your skin vulnerable to bad bacteria and cause further breakouts. For these reasons, you should only pop a zit as a last resort. 

~Popping: If you have very stubborn acne and insist on popping anyway, go to an aesthetician if you have the privilege to do so

If you can not see an aesthetician, try this method for safe pimple popping: 

Wash the affected area with hot water and a mild soap. Pop the pimple making sure you get EVERYTHING out of it, wash it again with extra hot water, dry it with something clean. Then, apply lots of pressure to the popped pimple so that it doesn't get the chance to “refill” itself (use a q-tip if you have one for at least 30 seconds to 5 minutes depending on how big the pimple is). Next, put some rubbing alcohol, and some diluted tea tree oil on the pimple and cover it with the sticky part of a band-aid. Leave the band-aid on until you are certain that it will not grow back.

~🛑 Stop using all of those skincare products. Obviously if they worked, you wouldn't even be reading this. Using certain products (especially the harsher ones) can cause allergic reactions and sometimes dry out your skin, which can trigger your skin to produce extra oil to overcompensate, which leads to acne. They also tend to eat away at you financially. Break the vicious cycle. Try tossing all of your products and use a mild soap and simple moisturizer for a few weeks before starting anything new again.

If you insist on using acne products then follow this important rule.                 🚨 🚨  Do not use multiple products within the same 3 weeks. Doing this makes it impossible to figure out which products could be helping or causing further damage to your skin.

~Know that many skin care products do have valuable substances, but they use fillers and fragrances that can ruin your skin. Try looking at the ingredients in your skin care products, researching the individual components, and purchasing said components individually. Ex: instead of buying an ‘aloe infused moisturizer’, try purchasing real aloe vera gel- or better yet buy an aloe vera plant- and use that ingredient as you see fit. It can be more cost effective, better for the environment, and a good learning experience. 

~Avoid wearing foundation and concealer. Of course it is tempting to cover acne with makeup, but your makeup can add fuel to the fire by clogging pores and spreading bad bacteria 

~If you are applying makeup to the face, make sure that you are regularly cleaning your brushes and disinfecting your pallets. Dirty makeup supplies don’t just contribute to acne, they can cause gnarly infections in sensitive areas (like the eyes) and send you to the hospital.

Now here are some advanced methods for healing the skin. Feel free to alter them so that they suit your specific needs:

🧖🏾‍♀️The Steam Method:

If you suspect that your soap is a culprit, or you just want to try something new, replace your morning cleansing routine with this (give skin 2 weeks time to purge before deciding whether or not this works for you). Get a light oil, preferably rosehip or coconut, and rub it on your face very well for at least 30 seconds. Then, take a clean washcloth and submerge it in the hottest water you can take. Take the washcloth and firmly press it against the entire surface of your face until it cools. Use the cloth to remove all the oil you can manage. 

🧖🏼‍♀️The other Steam Method:

Get a pot and boil water in it. Put your face over the boiling water (not too close lol) and let the steam open up your pores for 5-10 minutes. After you are done, use a clean, damp washcloth to wipe your face. Then get an ice cube or cold water and put it all over your face to seal your pores back up. Personally I like putting tea in the water sometimes. Peppermint tea and green tea are great. 

🩹 Bandaging:

Now this might sound ridiculous, but I have learned that putting bandages/band-aids onto your face at night can make a world of difference when it comes to acne and hyperpigmentation. My personal method is this: each night after I steam and wash my face, I put tiny bit of rubbing alcohol onto each pimple. I then wash and sanitize my hands with rubbing alcohol, apply diluted tea tree oil to each problem area on my face, and then take an ordinary cloth bandage and cover every zit that I can find. After each zit is covered, I apply moisturizer and serums to the rest of the face as I normally would. Change bandages frequently (1-3 times a day depending on how oily your skin is), and leave them on the affected area until swelling has gone down. Repeat the process as many times as you’d like. 

Usually normal bandaids are fine, but at times when my acne flares up badly I will go so far as to use gauze on large areas of my face. The cloth absorbs any oil that your skin secrets while protecting it from bacteria and sweat all night long, and the bandage seals in the tea tree oil so that it can penetrate your pores. I have noticed that the sticky part of a bandaid does the best job at diffusing large pimples as opposed to the white cloth part which is best for blackheads. 

~If all else fails and you have done your best to cure acne at home, consider talking to a doctor if you have that option. 🥼 They may try to prescribe an acne medication, but these options tend to be extremely expensive and hard on your organs. Ask them if you can try a prescribed antibiotic supplement first. 

Last but certainly not least: Sit with the fact that picture perfect skin is not healthy skin. As mentioned earlier, your skin is an organ. And it’s job is merely to protect your insides- not to get you onto the cover of a magazine. Your skin is not meant to look like the porcelain on a doll. 

💊💊💊💊💊And that is it! wow that was a long post. I hope this can help at least one person out there with their skin troubles because this took forever 

[fuckyeahscienceparty]

Fighter (Lover)

Call me fighter, I'll mop the floor with you

Call me lover, I'll take you for a drink or two

You'll get older, and maybe then you'll feel some control...

-

HOO longest thing i've ever written lads :V hope y'all enjoy! title/description based on fighter by jack stauber bc i thought it was very fitting lol

-

Engie let out a strangled yell as he finally managed to land a solid hit on RED's Spy with his wrench, the familiar sound of crunching bone and the squelches of blood that accompanied it filling the air and splattering his overalls in French flavored crimson.

Not a very pretty way to die, and he almost felt bad for the fella, knowing from.... rather painful experience how excruciating it was to go through respawn after having your skull caved in. But almost was the keyword here, especially considering the fact that the bastard had unfortunately managed to sap both his dispenser and his sentry in the process, leaving him not only vulnerable to his fellow REDs but without the resources to actually get things up and running again.

What was extra unfortunate was that before he could get to either of them, they'd both managed to practically destroy both affected buildings, causing his dispenser to spark and sputter to a halt and his sentry to explode, sending components and pieces of shrapnel flying everywhere and barely giving Engie a chance to shield himself while hanging on to less than half of his health points.

Great. Just great.

He let out an annoyed grumble, anger rising in himself as he began to at least attempt damage control by basically tearing the sapper off of his dispenser with his bare hand. He didn't even care about all the little metal bits in his skin that tore through his shirt and were starting to make blood ooze out, staining his already sullied uniform. What he cared about was making sure that RED didn't take their final point and not having sentry up, even if it was just a level 1, was going to make that exceedingly difficult.

That being said, if he made it out of this alive, he was gonna have a field day getting all these stains out he mused to himself as his pried open the side panel of his dispenser. He reached for his toolbox, rummaging around for his wire cutters, twist on connectors, and a new set of wires to replace the ones the sapper had fried as he heard a chorus of bullets being fired from somewhere around the next point over.

He frowned. Those were much closer than they were 15 minutes ago. Better pick up the pace.

With a deft hand, he pulled out the wires and snipped out all the unsalvageable ones, tossing them in his toolbox to properly dispose of later. Twist on connectors wasn't exactly a Good fix to all the problems he knew that damn shock box had caused, but it would be good enough to last him until the end of the round.

...He hoped, at least.

After making quick work of the internals and closing the panel back up, he flipped the switch back on, waiting a few agonizing moments before the dispenser beeped at him a few times and whirred back to life.

Engie let out a weary sigh of relief as it slowly started healing his wounds, giving it a couple whacks with his wrench to get it into somewhat working order. It may have been knocked back down to level 1, but hey, at least it actually started up again! Finally, he had one thing was working in his favor!...

...But only the one thing. Now was the issue of getting his sentry back up, and with his dispenser back at level 1, just waiting around for metal wasn't exactly going to be an option this time.

After scanning the battlefield a few times, a disgruntled noise escaped him. Pyro was nowhere to be found. Just his luck. He grumbled to himself more as he picked his dispenser up and moved it to where he thought it would be at least a little less visible so he could go search for an ammo kit himself, keeping a hand on his pistol and his wits about him as he ventured into a nearby building.

He hated to leave any of his buildings unattended without Pyro around to cover for him (usually in return for a joyride into town the following weekend along with the sugariest fruit flavored item they could get from the local candy store), but he really didn't have the time to sit around and hope for the Chance that they'd 1). be in his field of view and 2). not be too busy to play guard dog for 5 or so minutes (5 minutes they could very understandably use to set some REDs running for the hills. or a fire extinguisher).

And as much as he would love to just waltz into BLU's resupply and pick up all the things he needed with little to no effort, he was currently stationed at second to last and the time it would take him to get there and back would be more than enough time for the REDs to not only destroy BLU's hopes and dreams but also to give way for his teammates to complain about how he hadn't been there to defend them.

(As if he wasn't doing enough for this damn team already.)

So taking a gamble with getting an ammo box was objectively his best bet at the moment. Was he happy about it in any metric? Absolutely not. Sure, he knew his way around the place and he actually knew that the building he was currently in housed the largest ammo kit you could find out in the field, but he also knew that other people knew that too. And that meant that there was a very real chance of running into one of them and not only failing to defend BLU's points and having to put up with his teammates' negging but also dying and gettin sent through respawn in the process.

But that's as if anything was really going his way today.

He hopped up the wooden stairs two at a time, knowing that the ammo kit was somewhere up on the top floor. He'd actually passed by the Medkit on the first and as tempted as he was to heal himself up a little, he also knew that any more time he wasted in there was time that could be used getting a sentry back up.

When he'd reached the second floor, the ammo box was just where he expected it to be, sitting next to a window that looked out over the battlefield, giving him a front and center view of BLU's second to last point. He could just about see a sliver of his dispenser, silently relieved that it was still there. From what he could see, RED and BLU were still fighting it out over the mid point, both teams having captured and then recaptured it several times already, only for the other to take it back.

Currently, it was still BLU's but something told him that if he didn't hurry, that was going to change soon.

He quickly scooped up the ammo box, eyebrows furrowing when the top of it came off with relative ease. Odd. You usually need to do at least a little prying with these suckers to get the tops to pop off. He then rummaged around in it to make sure it had what he needed, confusion deepening when he realized that there weren't any syringe cartridges in the box.

And that's when he heard a slight rustling from somewhere just out of his peripheral vision.

He immediately dropped the box, bullets and miscellaneous parts spilling everywhere as he turned around and reached for his pistol.

However, he ended up getting a spray of syringes to the arm, letting out a strained cry as he instead grabbed his pistol with his other hand and randomly fired it in the direction of where the syringes had come from.

His guesswork was pleasantly met with a very loud "FUCK", his eyes finally focusing on a very irritated looking RED Medic who now sported a bullet wound in his non dominant shoulder.

"You wanna dance? Let's fuckin' tango, buddy," Engie muttered mainly to himself, only just about bearing the pain as he tore anywhere from 4-7 syringes out of his arm and dropped them to the floor.

He tried to shoot his newfound opponent again but his bullets made splinters rather than punctured flesh, Engie fully aware that his normally serviceable aim was probably off thanks to the searing pain in his... well, everything, cursing under his breath regardless.

However, before he could even process what to do next, the enemy Medic made a dive for him, the two of them tussling to the floor and struggling with each other for the right to end someone's life.

Engie was able to momentarily able to wiggle his arm out of the other's grasp, managing a solid hit on RED Medic's face that he was pretty sure ended up breaking his nose.

That really only seemed to make him angrier though, the two of them continuing to wrestle it out until Medic finally managed to come out on top, having practically straddled Engie's chest as he pinned down both of his arms to the ground. The both of them struggled to take in air, Engie still making feeble attempts to escape his captivity with little success.

If this weren't a life or death situation, he probably would've told RED Medic that he was rather handsome, even with a broken nose and blood dripping out his mouth and onto Engie's shirt. Truth be told, Engie had always thought him attractive and if the two of them weren't enemies by uniform color, he probably would've asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink some time.

But even if life or death prevented him from attempting to woo the man who he'd just shot, Engie couldn't help but be immensely frustrated with himself, eventually just letting out a wheeze of defeat as he gave out from exhaustion.

"Just- just fucking do it please, I'm really not goddamn having it right now," He growled out, causing RED Medic to squint and tilt his head at him. After all, it wasn't every day that your enemy practically begged you to off them after they (quite understandably) just tried to strangle you.

"Hey, Stitches, you hear me? Just cut my head off or steal my organs or whatever, make my godawful day into an even more godawful one," He reiterated, Medic unable to suppress a chuckle despite how tired he was.

"Sorry- steal your organs? Do you really think I'm going to do that?" He grinned incredulously.

"Dunno. You just seem like the type," Engie said dryly, Medic letting out a cackle.

"Well just because you made me laugh, I'll make this quick. You don't seem particularly happy right now," Medic vocalized, shifting so that he could pin both of Engie's arms down with one hand and reach for Engie's pistol that had gotten knocked out of his grasp in their scuffle with the other.

Stronger than he looks. Engie couldn't tell if his heart beating faster because he was literally about to die or because an item was added to the list of "reasons why I want to take my enemy out to dinner."

...Might be both.

"Golly gee, what gave that away?" Engie deadpanned, feeling the muzzle of his own pistol pushing against his forehead. RED Medic chuckled again.

"No hard feelings, right my friend?" he smiled at him, almost apologetically. At least Engie thinks it's apologetically. Kinda hard to tell with all the blood that wasn't in his body.

He closed his eyes, bracing himself.

"Nah. None at all."

...

BANG!

...And not even 20 seconds later, he suddenly materialized in BLU's main respawn room, immediately grimacing from the skull splitting headache he was saddled with; the unfortunate side effects of being shot in the head. Respawn could only do so much, after all.

He moved to open the resupply cabinet to just get what he needed and get the hell out of there before he was startled by the intercom crackling to life, Engie's stomach sinking when he heard the very familiar "YOU FAILED" accompanied by almost comically sad music.

Had he really been gone that long? He didn't even hear the Admin announcing that mid had been capped, let alone second to last, and surely he would've heard it even if he was being held up by RED's local handsome devil.

But his teammates slowly filing in with various injuries seemed to confirm their defeat, Engie sighing as he reached into the cabinet for a bottle of aspirin instead of a case of bullets.

"Hrr Mrnrph!" Pyro mumbled out as they made their way in, Scout with his arm around their shoulders for support as he hobbled in as well.

"Yo, Engie, where the hell were you?" Scout frowned, clearly peeved about losing that day's round.

"Yeah, maggot, we thought you were on second to last! Their damn Scout somehow slipped by us and ended up capping both of ours after RED capped mid again," Soldier added, Engie sighing. Of course this was going to be blamed on him.

"Sorry, fellas. Spy managed to sap both my sentry and my dispenser and their Medic got me when I was tryin' to get supplies. I was hoping y'all would be able to hold mid long enough for me to get back but that. Obviously did not happen."

"Oh, so it's our fault now?"

"Hey, I'm not sayin' it's anyone's fault, I'm just sayin' that they got the best of us today. We'll give it another go tomorrow, like we always do."

Scout obviously seemed unhappy by the notion but decided it best to shut his trap when Demo gave him A Look because even Scout knew that Demo was not one to fuck with. Engie knew he didn't actually intend real harm, he just tended to run his mouth with things he didn't necessarily mean. Didn't make his life any easier, though.

"Listen, I think we've all had a long day. Let's just get patched up an' relax before tomorrow," Demo interjected, the rest of the team making various sounds of agreement as the final members of their menagerie made their way in.

As he walked past, Medic gave him a conciliatory look that Engie could only give him a knowing smile in return for. They both knew what it was like for the entire team's failure to be blamed on their shoulders alone. Usually it was Medic who received the brunt of it, especially when he'd just been transferred in, but Engie was no stranger to complaints on his off days about how he should've been better or how could've done more.

It made him want to tear his own ears off. Not only because it was annoying as all hell because you didn't see him out here blaming the entire team's loss on one damn person's slip up, but because it was the kind of shit that he told himself when he was younger and it brought him back to times he didn't necessarily want to remember.

He was suddenly brought out of his brooding by Pyro walking up to him, Scout seemingly having limped his way back into base on his own.

"Mrr rrhrrh hrrph phr nrr rphmm hrr rr phrrhrrk phr rrr," They mumbled out sadly, holding their arms out to offer an apology hug and very much looking like a kicked puppy. Engie let off a soft "aw."

"Shucks, Firefly, it ain't your fault. Can't expect ya to baby me all the time, can I?" He joked, pulling them in anyways. Only a monster could refuse Pyro hugs, after all.

Pyro squeezed him tightly, nearly lifting him off the ground despite the fact that they were only a couple inches taller than he was as Engie was momentarily overwhelmed with the familiar scent of kerosene and singed rubber.

When they finally let go, Engie gave them a gentle pat on the head.l

"You go inside now, hey? I gotta check if my dispenser's still out there and you probably got your own injuries you should have Doc look at," He told them, Pyro nodding at him and giving him an affirmatory wheeze. They then gave him another quick squeeze before waddling their way inside, boots squeaking every so often.

Engie sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Oh well. Nothing he could do now but prep for tomorrow.

He sat in respawn for a little while waiting for the aspirin to kick in and only decide it was time to get going when he finally felt like his brain wasn't trying to squeeze itself down his spinal cord.

After making the trek to second to last, he was pleasantly surprised to see that his dispenser was still on. And also there at all.

(To be fair, RED and BLU had been fighting over mid for so long that RED's Scout probably hadn't bothered to destroy what wasn't shooting at him in a desperate attempt to end the godforsaken match already. He couldn't say that he'd blame him.)

He was also surprised, though not as pleasantly, to see someone waiting for him. Specifically, someone in glasses and a tie that, even though it was covered in blood, had a face that was both painfully smug and oddly endearing.

Though they were technically now in ceasefire until battle tomorrow, he still instinctively reached for his pistol, blinking and looking down when he realized his holster was empty.

"I believe you're looking for this?" RED Medic asked as he picked said pistol up off of his dispenser, Engie nodding cautiously.

"Relax, dummkopf, I'm not going to shoot you. The bullet that was in your head was actually the last one in the magazine anyways," Medic snorted, demonstrating by pulling the trigger while pointing the weapon to the ground and coming up with nothing but empty clicks.

Regardless, he still offered it to Engie butt first, Engie himself still wary but a little less hesitant as he took a few more steps forward and took it in his hand.

"Apologies. I actually meant to put it back into your holster before you went through respawn but I didn't have adequate time. You pack quite a punch," Medic smirked lightly, Engie's attention suddenly being drawn to his still broken nose.

He grinned sheepishly.

"Heheh, yeah, mama taught me well... No hard feelin's though, yeah?" Engie sticking his pistol in its place and his hand out to the doctor, Medic letting out an amused huff at his own words being used against him.

"No hard feelings," He assured, shaking Engie's hand.

"I should probably be off now, I can practically hear my gaggle of idiots begging me to heal their boo boos from all the way out here," He then snorted, Engie letting out a chuckle.

"All good. I should prolly get the ol' girl back to the workshop. Damn sappers always do a number on the internals," He grimaced, thinking about all proper rewiring and circuit board replacement he was going to have to do, not to mention normal maintenance and cleanup.

"As I've heard. Our own Engineer has some particularly... colorful words on what he thinks of your Spy."

"Bit of a wily bastard, that one. Can't say I blame him," Engie shrugged, leaning against his dispenser for support and suddenly feeling face flush as Medic did the same, the two of them now so close that their elbows touched in the middle.

If Medic noticed, he didn't immediately let on, merely smiling at him.

"That we can all agree on, I think. What is it with Spies and deciding to be bastards? Is it a profession thing, does it just come naturally to them?" He said mirthfully, leaning in close enough that their noses were close to touching.

...Never mind, he absolutely noticed.

"'s gotta be, right? I mean, it's the only explanation for why they're all so dickish. That or the ones we've been in contact with just happen to be persnickety lil fucks," Engie grinned, Medic laughing loudly in response.

It only made him grin even wider. Medic's laugh had to be in a class of its own. Borderline obnoxious in nature but somehow brash and unapologetic while still being absolutely ridiculous.

Man, was it just something to die for (which he.. technically supposed he did).

"Ah, look at me, babbling about. I really should get going before I waste any more of your time," he said when giggles finally stoped threatening to rise out of his throat, Engie feeling a sudden pang of disappointment in his chest. He merely waved him off with a soft "shucks, weren't nothin'" as he tipped his hat, Medic giving him a firm pat on the shoulder.

"It was nice talking with you, Herr Engineer. Perhaps we can meet again some time," He smiled before turning to make his leave.

Engie closed his eyes. This was a bad idea, this was a bad idea, don't do it, don't do it Dell, don't FUCKING do it-

"Hey, uh. Stitches."

Medic paused before turning around again.

"Are you... free this weekend?"

An amused glint suddenly appeared in Medic's eyes.

"Well seeing as we all have weekends off, yes, I should be. Why do you ask?"

"You, uh. You wanna grab a drink with me, this Saturday, maybe? I know this pretty good place not too far out and uh. I dunno, 'd be fun to uh. See ya again outside of work, I guess," Engie stumbled out, putting a hand on the back of his neck.

"...I'd like that. I'd like that a lot," Medic smiled, Engie's face lighting up.

"Great! Uhm. I uh, I guess. Meet me on y'all's second to last at about 6? I know how to avoid all the cameras, so," Engie offered, Medic raising an eyebrow at him.

"...Hey, when you live out your days fighting people to the death for an old dinosaur who would skin you alive and turn you into the coat given the chance, finding out where her cameras and all their blindspots are isn't that much of a hassle. We're actually in one right now. Wouldn't've asked you out otherwise," He shrugged, Medic holding his hands up in response.

"I'm not one to judge. Whatever gets me out of playing team mama for the night. I'll just tell them I joined a book club or whatever. And if they don't believe me... well I think a saw to the skull might convince them," Medic said, suddenly pulling out his Ubersaw with a malicious grin.

Engie had to physically restrain himself from saying "hot" in response.

"Heheh, yeah, I bet it might. I'll uh. See you later then," He coughed out, moving to put his dispenser into compact mode and pack it back into his toolbox.

When he stood up with it resting on his shoulder, however, Medic was standing right in front of him, nearly causing it to slip out of his hands.

Medic barely stifled a laugh at his shock, gently removing his hardhat and leaning down to give him a kiss on the forehead.

"It's a date then," He hummed cheerily before putting Engie's hardhat back on his head and making his return to RED, leaving Engie with his hat slightly askew and his face moderately flushed.

And that's when if hit him. A date. He had just asked his actual, literal enemy who had shot him in the head about 30 minutes ago, on a date. And he said yes.

He didn't know if he wanted to scream, punch something, or throw himself off a bridge. Probably all three, if he was honest.

Despite all that, he practically forced himself to turn around and begin making his way back to BLU, readjusting his tool box every so often so it wouldn't slip out of his hands. What the hell was he doing, breaking contract like this? He means sure, he wasn't particularly one for rules anyhow, he's pretty sure he's committed more than a few atrocities against the heavens in his lifetime, and the Admin wasn't always on his case for every little infraction he'd ever made anyways. But between her and God, it was the Admin he feared more and he knew that if there was one rule that the she enforced, it was that cross faction relations were NOT tolerated and were more than a warrant for termination.

Termination of contract or termination of your life? Depended on how nice she was feeling that day.

Needless to say, he was very frustrated with himself.

But then he remembered how drop dead (haha) gorgeous Medic was even when he was bleeding all over Engie's shirt and the way hearing his laugh had made him felt and the way that glint made it look like he had stars in his eyes and...

...Aw hell, if he was going to get fired (or die! both was very possible) for this he might as well go down after having had a good time.

Now all he had to do was make it to Saturday. While also not giving anything away.

Piece of fucking cake.

[atqh16]

Take My Hand (Say You Need Me Still)

A Daredevil Fic (Matt/Foggy, Girl!Foggy. Pre-Slash)

Summary  : Look, getting shot is just the New York experience. You haven’t lived  unless you’ve been held at gunpoint at least once. And if you save  someone doing it? Hey, bonus!

First Chapter: AO3

 “I had to exist without you”,

*

*

*

Foggy had whispered those words as if in a trance. Face turned towards the sky as if speaking to no one in particular. Her words had been unprompted. They had been simply been enjoying each other’s company that day after a long work week and a chance to relax at a barbeque courtesy of Luke and Claire.

It was a month after Fisk and 7 before the incident at the police station. Matt remembers the both of them lying on a mattress futon and a pile of duvets on the roof of Colleens Dojo. Foggys tone had been soft but Matt was so focused on her that it was enough to drown out the other sounds around them. Luke and Danny laughing where they were manning the barbeque grill. Misty and Karen comparing notes on Jessica’s recent client which she didn’t appreciate but didn’t seem to mind enough to make them stop as she nursed her Jack Daniels on the edge of their conversation. Misty talking sports of all things with Colleen who was wholly and very competitively invested in the New York Yankees.

But they had all turned into peripheral noise to Matt. He had pushed himself up. Fully turned his body towards her. Something Matt didn’t really have to do since there was no visual component in his interactions with the people around him but Foggy had always appreciated the gesture. A sign of assurance from her best friend that his attention was completely and undividedly on her. For her. She’s always been proud of herself for being able garner that kind of reaction from him.

But at that moment Foggy herself had seemed distracted. Even without being able to see it, Matt could tell that her eyes weren’t directed at him. She felt distant. Sounded distant. A mirror of what Matt had been feeling ever since he came back.

He hadn’t really understood why at the time. After all he’d gotten everything he ever wanted. Even more. His firm, his partner, his identity and most importantly his friends. Not just Karen and Foggy. His best friend had made sure of that when she dragged him to Jessica’s place and sat outside her office slash apartment door while Jess tore Matt a new one over what he’d done and proceeded to throw him out with a door slam so hard the glass panel shook.

That night Jessica called his burner later telling him to meet her on a roof top (What is it with roof tops?) because she needed his ears and to quote her “You owe me. Your ass better be here in an hour”.

Matt was there before the hour was up with 20 minutes to spare.

“Fucking Boy scout”, Jess had muttered under her breath but Matt smiled and tossed her a brand-new grey scarf.

“It’s the cheapest one at Walmarts”, he had said but the softness of the material and the tag said otherwise.

Matt hadn’t needed prompting to show up on Luke’s apartment door next and meeting Danny at the Dojo where the millionaire had proceeded to wipe the floor with him in hand to hand.

“I let you win”, Matt had panted, trying to catch his breath.

“Keep telling yourself that”, Danny sniped back, though there was no heat in his words, as he threw him a water bottle.

Matt woke up the next day sore, bruised and unable to wipe the grin off his face when he showed up at the office that morning to an array of extremely expensive looking bouquets congratulating their re-opening and heavily perfumed because Danny Rand is a passive aggressive dick.

But it also came with a 6 digit cheque from Rand Industries so none of them were about to complain. “A gift, from Rand Industries to the Firm of Nelson and Murdock. To hopefully new and better beginnings” was written on the envelope it came with.

Matt wished it had been as easy with Foggy. Not that either of them had given any resistance in efforts of reconciliation. But there were no ‘How To’s’ they could follow telling them exactly how to do that. No guidebooks detailing the steps needed to take to rebuild a bond that had gone through so much. The awkward bubble between them seemed to only grow more and more, stretched thin and fragile and so vulnerable to the slightest touch.

Until that night when after a few bottles of beers and a feeling of relaxed contentment that only came with a full stomach, Foggy whispered her confession as if asking for contrition.

Her words, though morose, held no acrimonious judgment. But the vestige of pain in them was bare and it had twisted Matt’s insides to hear it. It was such a simple phrase but it held so much and he knew instantly that it had been something she’d been keeping quiet. Out of shame, thinking that it was something she didn’t have a right to feel. Afraid that it might make Matt more distant.

But it was an admittance that Matt had realized he needed to hear. An honest fearless truth that was not spoken to condemn but instead a plea for him to understand where she stood. For him to know she was still bearing pain that she herself found difficult to admit. So afraid that Matt would recoil from her for it. But how could he. How could he punish such fearlessness when he knows how much he had taken from Foggy?

Both of them had made mistakes, but Foggy had been so patient. Matt had already taken and asked so much from Foggy who still tried his best to welcome him back with open arms. But Foggy had never been one to tip toe around Matt about anything. A habit that could be aggravating at times but it was always a cost he had been willing to pay for the intimacy that was brought forward from it.

And this was Foggy begging Matt to have that chance for intimacy again. As if she didn’t deserve to ask for it and it was a failure on Matts part that Foggy would harbour such hesitation.

Even through all his secrets and fear, Foggys openness about where she stood in regards to Matt had always been a beacon for him. A guide to teach him how to be a friend. Lessons he’d been deprived off the second his dad died. Matt had cast out the hope of ever achieving such a relationship. Already given up early on at the thought that he could ever receive the kind of easiness that Foggy offered and it was a miracle for him that she did. A miracle that they had met in Columbia and a miracle that through all Foggys annoying habits, that he’d been open to give her a chance. A choice that he would never have made if Foggy had been anything less than who she was. She in of itself was a miracle to him and Matt was deeply torn that he had made Foggy ever feel otherwise.

 “I had only ever wanted a friend”

Foggys words from the night of their huge fight came back to him and while it might have been said in less than stellar circumstances, he knows even then that it had rung with truth. Foggy had never asked for anything more. How could he have failed to give her something so simple.

After a while Foggy finally turns her face towards Matt. He tastes salt in the air but doesn’t move to address it because he needs to focus right now. To really listen and conscientious, to what Foggy was trying to say. A lack in communication had after all been their downfall. Too much resentment over kept secrets and rancorous unspoken anger.

But there’s none of that hanging in between them now. Instead, Matt heard what wasn’t spoken loud and clear.

 “Don’t leave. Don’t make me go through that again. Stay. Here, with me”

Matt doesn’t think there’s anything he can say that could live up as an answer to that so instead he creeps his hand forward to grasp Foggys in a sincere hope that his own words would ring with the same vulnerable truth that Foggy had offered.

  “I’ll try”

*

Things had gotten better afterward. The honesty Foggy openly shows was an invitation for Matt to do the same. Not a demand and Matt will forever be grateful for that. But even so Matt still walks on eggshells at first. Not knowing what he was allowed to reveal. What was welcomed and what was not. Foggy like always, had put Matt at ease the way she always could.

It starts with an open invite to a home cooked dinner where Foggy made it clear that she wanted to know more about Matt’s abilities.

 “If you want that last brownie you’re gonna have to impress me Murdock and for extra motivation, it’s a corner piece”

 Matt had laughed, “I’m not sure what you’re asking here Nelson. I’m not sure I want to. The last time you gave me a dare I ended up doing the chicken dance in the college cafeteria”

 “Boohoo, you deserved it after that stunt you pulled with the waffle incident. I’ve still got the burn marks to prove it. Now enough excuses and man up Murdock”

The banter might have sounded harsh to a stranger’s ears but it held such a familiarity that Matt rejoiced every second and every word. But despite all that he was still so scared to ruin what they were trying to rebuilt. Scared to run Foggy off with ‘too much’.

Foggy had again, nudged him into it gingerly and with such patience that Matt hadn’t found it in him to deny her.

She asked him to talk about what he could taste in the food she’s cooked. At first Matt was afraid to criticize but Foggy had started doing so herself. Once after a dinner Chicken Paprikash of all things, she asked if Matt sensed the yoghurt that used was close to getting bad. Matt tentatively had noted that it wasn’t rancid but it was definitely way past its prime days. Foggy wasn’t annoyed, instead she breaks the tension and laughing, jabbing about how horrible some parts about Matts senses must be. About the embarrassing things he’s had to endure.

To Matt’s surprise, the topic of his abilities became a favourite thing to talk about whenever they spent time together.

 “Are you saying everytime I found you staring into space in your room it was because you got contact high from your stoner neighbour 5 rooms away from your dorm?”

 Matt had groaned and dropped his forehead onto his folded arms in embarrassment. It was enough of an answer Foggy needed.

 “Oh my God, you turned them in! Matthew Michael Murdock you tattle tale”

 “It wouldn’t be such a problem if they didn’t get stoned every night. It was barely a secret anyway. The corridor reeked from it and personally I think I did a public service”

 “Did you snitch on me bringing snacks into the library too?”

 “No Foggy, that was all the crumbs you didn’t bother cleaning off your dress everytime we passed the librarian. She could probably smell the Cheeto dust on your fingers a mile away”

 “I knew it! You threw away my Cheetos stash didn’t you!”                              

 “They’re like cheese dust bombs! They were more chemicals than actual food. I did you a favour”

 “And here I was thinking Tanya was stealing them from my bag during civics”

 “The girl who sat beside you? Oh, she stole food from you all the time. You left your bag unzipped, it was inevitable”

 “And you never told me?!?!”

 “Most of the things you had in there were junk food. It’s no wonder you were on a sugar high all the time”

 “In my defence, Redbull and Twinkies are a perfectly good way to combat law school stress”

 “Oh god the Twinkies!”

 “Don’t you dare go after Twinkies!”

Just like that the tension brought from the elephant in the room that was Matts powers was broken. Foggy made a game out of Matt trying to guess all the ingredients she’s used on nights that she cooked. Matt had initially protested on the unfairness of it all but eventually stepped up to the challenge cause he’s a competitive bastard and Foggy knows it.

 “How am I supposed to know what kind of nuts you used in the Pad Thai??? I can barely afford anything other than ground nuts”

 “Excuses. You haven’t suggested anything else either”

 “I know you used Italian basil instead of Thai”

 “Whats the difference?”

 “Thai basil has a sharper taste”

 “And more expensive”

 “Authenticity is important. We don’t want to get sued for cultural appropriation and all”

 “Oh look at me, I’m Matt Murdock and I can only eat fancy organic Thai Basil”

 “It doesn’t matter, I won. Now give me my brownie Nelson!”

 “Bite me Murdock!”

Matt won 9 times out of 10. The game was rigged and they both knew it but they usually ended up splitting the last piece of whatever dessert they had for the night anyway so it was never really about winning. Not for either of them anyway. On nights when there were no sugary delicacies waiting for them after their meal, if Matt won, he got to pick what they did after dinner. Watch a show, listen to an audio-book, play games before he had to leave for the night for patrol. Foggy never complained except for an over exaggerated whine or two at Matts predictability.

It’s fun, intimate. They don’t just focus on the fun stuff either. Matt had wanted to get even more intimate. He was tired of carrying all his secrets and for once he was the one who took the leap to trust that foggy wouldn’t run.

So, one night Matt finds himself stumbling into Foggys apartment after patrol. It was closer and he had a concussion. He was surprised when Foggy didn’t freak out like he expected and actually knew how to handle the situation. Like she’d prepared for it. She got some lessons from Claire who owed her for helping Luke. She doesn’t talk about when she started doing it or why. Matt didn’t know if he was ready to hear the answer either.

 “You know, I could always keep my window unlocked. If you ever… ya know, need to come over”

 “I don’t want to wake you”

 “I always sleep late anyway and besides; I’d rather know you have somewhere to go if you need to then........”, Foggy trails off but Matt doesnt need to be a psychic to know where her thoughts had went.

 “I don’t want to make thing’s hard for you", he says back and they both know he didnt just mean waking her up late.

 “Matt, I want to.”, Foggy had said, firmly as she smoothed the Arnica cream over his newest bruise.

Her heart had beaten with a steady thud of truth, truth, truth.

It was comforting to know that Foggy wasn’t soaked in fear and disapproval the way she used to be before, and he did come over sometimes. Once or twice a week to get his ribs bandaged properly when they were bruised or some cuts stitched. Matt can tell Foggy’s nervous and queasy about the stitching but she soldiers on anyway and it reminds him of Maggie telling him how she had done the same for his dad when they were together and the similitude makes a roll of warmth coil around his insides like a soothing balm. It feels right.

He realizes when he gets home as is drifting off to sleep, that it’s not something he’s ever had with Elektra either.

 “Foggy, I need to tell you something”

 “Hmmm?”

 “About midland circle”

 “Matt-”

 “I need you to know, why I stayed. Why I didn’t try to come back.”

 “Matt, you don’t-“

 “Foggy please. I need to do this”

 “Ok Matty. Fire away"

 “It wasn’t about you, or Karen. Maybe that’s hard to believe. I’m not gonna lie and say it wasn’t selfish of me because it was. I hurt you. You gave me the suit and you trusted me and I let you down. But you have to know Foggy, it wasn’t because of you”

 Matt had ducked his head in shame

 “Truth is I wasn’t thinking about anything else at that moment. I’m impulsive, we both know that. You’ve always known that. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that she was alive that I-“

 He gulped.

 “Did I tell you how she died? The first time?”

 “No”

 “It was because of me. She took a knife to the chest for me and she died in my arms and it was my fault Foggy. It was my fault. The worst part is, she’d told me beforehand that she wanted to stay with me. She wanted to try and she died in my arms because of me. I heard her heartbeat stop and it was because of me and I couldn’t… I couldn’t move Foggy."

 He remembers feeling his eyes water, struggling to keep them from flowing into streams down his cheeks. But he couldn’t stop the way his voice choked.

 “And I heard her heart beat that day when I found out she was alive. The way she moved, the familiar scent of her and how warm she was whennever she was close. She was so alive and I was desperate to save her this time. When she refused to leave Midland, I couldn’t leave her behind. I couldn’t leave her alone. I couldn’t let her die because I couldn’t save her for the second time. I couldn’t foggy. Everything was falling apart around us but I held her and she was so alive. I couldn’t let that go. I’m sorry Foggy. I’m sorry I hurt you. But I can’t be sorry for staying with her”

 “Matt I’m not angry”

 He’d perked up at that.

 “I mean I was initially. Went through all 5 stages of grief. Thought a lot about beating you up if I ever saw you again. Blamed myself for letting you go. For not giving you a stronger reason to stay-”

 “Foggy-”

 “I understand why you did it now. But back then all I could think about was how you’d left me. You broke your promise and you left us and I kept having nightmares of how you were probably still alive and had just fucked off to god knows where with her. It took me too long to realize I’d rather you were alive then dead even if you had”

 “You had a right to say no when I asked for help. I stole your wallet. I took advantage of you the second I saw you again. It was a dick move on my part”

 “Oh, trust me, it definitely was and I’m not gonna let you forget that for a very long time. You owe me so many favors. But I got you back Matt. I’d asked for only one thing ever since I lost you and I got you back. How could I turn my back on that? You’re so good Matt. I know you don’t believe it but you are. Even if I was pissed, I knew you were doing things for a good reason. I knew it was because you were helping people and I’m a damned lowlife if I even thought of turning my back on that. I’m not angry at you Matt. You’re my best friend. I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not gonna stomp off again if we get into another huge fight. But I can promise I’ll always try to come back. Maybe it’s not right for me to ask you to trust that. I know enough about your past to know that’s not an easy thing for you to do……...”

 “You’re the one person I trust the most, Foggy”

 “Karen-”

 “- is a good friend. But she hasn’t stuck around and followed me into making stupid decisions for the past ten years of my life. If there’s anything I regret, it’s not trusting you with my secrets. For hurting you with them. If there’s anything I’d redo it would be that”

 “We don’t know if I would’ve been open to accepting that back then. Heck, I don’t even know what I would’ve done if you did tell me. You had good reason to worry”

 “After everything, I should’ve taken the chance. There’s no one I trust more in this a world than you Foggy. Maybe that’s hard to believe considering how many promises I’ve broken. But I’m going to do everything I can to keep this one"

 “…… Thank you, Matt”

It had taken everything in him to admit it, but after all they’d been through. After all Foggy had given him. Foggy had earned the right to it. That part of him. He expects to feel fragile and small afterwards but instead he feels lighted. Just like before, it felt right. This was the path they were destined to be on. The path they both have worked hard for. Foggy had returned his vulnerable revelation by sidling up to him. Intertwining their fingers and leaning to the side to place a soft peck on his temple. Matt couldn’t find it in him to pull away. They stayed that way in silent comfort until they’d both nodded off. Her head fitted to the crook of his neck and Matt’s own resting on hers.

Matt had woken up first the next morning to Foggys head on his lap. A soft and unladylike snore whistling pass her lips and he remembers how it had annoyed him to no end through their first year of law school, on nights when Foggy had fallen asleep from exhaustion on Matt’s bed after a night of unending studying with him in his room. But after a while it had become a familiar comfort, accompanied by the beating thrum in her chest. An unexpected lullaby especially on nights when both of them were overwhelmed. Matt had a single room and Foggys roommate was never around, preferring to stay at her boyfriend’s place most nights. They switched between each other’s room every other night, more and more often but it never felt invasive.

Matt hopes Foggy knows how important her presence had been for him at the time.

He hadn’t attempted to wake her up that morning from her peaceful slumber even as his legs felt numb from the weight. Instead, and he stupidly hadn’t realized why he’d done it at the time, he found himself gliding his knuckles on her cheek, realizing in that moment how long it had been since they’d been this close. How much he had missed it. Touch starved in a way he hadn’t felt in a long while since they met.

This progress, this newly attained intimacy doesn’t stop. There is a relief in being able to talk to his best friend again about every part of him that he had always feared she wouldn’t accept. Not just about the heavy, things either. Even the small, minute, careless details.

To Foggys credit, she bares herself raw the same way he does.

 “How did you get so good at cooking?”

 “I take offence to that. I was always a talented cook”

 “Pancakes and grilled cheese sandwiches maybe.”

 “Hardy har. And you can boil an egg, good for you.”

 “Seriously, curry noodles? I didn’t think you even knew where the spice section was”

 “It was… it was actually after Midland. I couldn’t sleep sometimes and I’d stay up watching cooking channels and I gave in and just started actually making them myself. I started small but I got used to handling things after a while. It was actually… therapeutic”

 “Foggy…. I-“

 “Matt stop, seriously. I meant what I said. I’d rather have a life with you and all the adrenaline fueled bullshit, then a quiet life without you. Always. So, don’t worry, ok? We’re good. I promise”, Foggy had ended her little speech by reaching out to tap her fingers in a comforting rhythm on his knuckles and Matt had asked himself for the hundredth time since he got back, what he’d done to deserve such loyalty.

 “Also you’re washing the dishes and paying for lunch tomorrow”

 Matt had let out a burst of laughter, “Haven’t I been paying for lunch anyway?”

 “And you’ll keep paying for lunch until further notice. Besides, you’re getting a free home-cooked dinner almost every other night so I’m not going to hear a peep out of you”

 He’d raised his hands in a mollifying gesture, “No arguments here”

 “And none of that healthy stuff too”

 “Damn"

The catholic part of him that latched on to guilt too close, wasn’t satisfied. Not even close. He’d done too much, made too many mistakes. He didn’t deserve what Foggy and even Karen for that matter, were giving him. A step onto green grass that promised him sanity in exchange for something as simple as him pulling down his walls for them. To not push them away. And if that’s what Foggy asked for then Matt was going to teach himself to give it to her, even as he he itched from old habits to pull back behind said walls.

It takes 6 months for them to go through all the unsaid baggage that had been floating in the water like leftovers from crash created by their past mistakes. But at the end of it all, Foggy poked her head into his office again and told him to hurry up if he wanted her to do any actual cooking.

 “I feel like I’m being sabotaged”,

 “You don’t need me to do that”

 “Well, that’s not very helpful”

 “I mean, I didn’t tell you to try make dinner rolls from scratch, did I?”, Matt had said with a tone of faux pettiness.

 “That was not my fault! I didn’t know cats could smell the yeast all the way from the alley! Ruined a perfectly batch of dough. I spent 20 minutes kneading!”

 “I told you to close the window. Fair is fair, I didn’t know cats liked yeast either, I’ll give you that. So, what’s on the menu tonight?”

 “Well, you made Italian last week and I’ve been exchanging gossip with Mrs Yong for a while now….”

 “Getting tips from your Vietnamese neighbour is cheating”

 “Do you want to eat or not?”

 “I’m guessing Pad Thai?”

 “Couldn’t afford your oh so expensive cashews that you just have to have. Its Pho!! We are having Pho tonight! I spent 6 hours simmering a potful when I was going through the Jenner case last week and now, I’ve got enough frozen pho in my freezer to serve 8! I mean, I did have enough for 8. It’s more like 3 now. Maybe 3 and a half”

 “Is that what you were passing to Karen and Mrs Adli yesterday?”

 “Karen needs to eat more if she keeps spending her nights consorting with Jessica Jones. God knows what diet Jones is on. I gave Karen extra to pass to her so hopefully she’ll see it as incentive to keep giving us tips. We definitely can’t afford her”

 “I’m sure you can charm a few more favours out of her. And Mrs Adli?”

 “Oh yeah, her kids sick were with the flu and from what Mrs Yong told me, Pho has magical healing powers that can beat chicken soup any day”

 “You didn’t eat the rest, did you?”

“Boo hoo, shame on you. Unlike you, I know how to bribe our friends. I gave some to Claire and Brett. He looked like I was trying to poison him”  

 “To be fair you did once”

 “I was 5! He wanted to play Mommies and Daddies and I might have been overzealous about preparing dinner”

 “You know if he finds out you told me he’ll have you thrown in Rykers himself”

 “Which is why if you want any of that Pho yourself, you’ll keep yourself quiet you dick”

The air between them had turned so light and easy. Every morning Matt woke up beaming with joy at the simple thought of being able to just be with her so close throughout his day and every night he was lulled to sleep by the memories left from it.

There were no more walls. No more fear or doubt. Not with her. Not anymore.

  “I went to see Maggie today.”  

“Yeah? How is she? I haven’t met her yet”  

“She’s fine. She wanted to wish me Happy Birthday”  

“That sounds nice”  

 “Yeah……. She gave me her ring. The one my dad gave her. It was one of the few things she had from my dad and she wanted me to have it”

 Foggy had stayed silent for a moment before responding, “That was nice of her”

 “Yeah. It’s nothing fancy. Doesn’t have a diamond or anything. It’s just a smooth gold band. But she said my dad saved up for months to get it. It sounds just like him. She wanted to talk with me a bit longer but I just…. Couldn’t. I think I hurt her feelings when I left”

 “You don’t owe her anything Matt.”

 “It was rude”

 “Matt, hey, I need you to listen ok. I need you to listen to my heart. Are you listening?”

 Matt remembered how his throat had tightened so he had just nodded to the question.

 “I love you Matt. You’re my best friend. I will always love you. But you need to know, hey, listen buddy. You need to know that you never have to earn that from me. Not from me, not from Maggie, not from Stick, not from anybody”

 “I could’ve tried harder”

 “You shouldn’t have had to. You were just a kid”

 “Didn’t stop them from leaving”

 “And it was their fault, not yours. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

 “I’d asked them to make it stop.”

 “What?”

 “It was after Midland. There were two guys, trying to hijack a car. I couldn’t beat them so I asked them to make it stop. To just.. end it.... end me. It was so pathetic Foggy-”

 Mat hadn’t realized she’d moved from her seat until her arms were around him. Her grasp was gentle but Matt got the feeling that hell or heaven couldn’t tear her away no matter how hard they tried.

 She was on her knees beside him where he was sitting on the couch. One hand pulling his body to her chest and the other caressing the side of his head. Nose buried in his hair, whispering softly, “No Matty, no. Never. God, you’re so good Matt. So brave. So strong. It’s ok to not be sometimes. I’m here. I promise. I’m right here”

 For some reason, Matt had let out a startled laugh but he had felt something wet streaming down his face and suddenly he was choking on sobs. His own arms folded around her middle and he lets go. Lets himself sink into her, head buried into her shoulder, not thinking even for a second that it would be enough to cover up how loudly he was crying. But Foggy hadn’t said a word. Once upon a time he might have felt indignant at the idea of being so vulnerable with someone like that. He hadn’t been this open since Elektra and look how that turned out. Elektra herself had been different. He loved her. He still loves her. Loves how comfortable he felt in her presences. Unguarded and free.

 But unguarded and comfortable was different than allowing himself to feel and appear weak. To let someone see the broken and jagged pieces that made him who he was and not be afraid to be judged for it. Elektra never made him feel like home. At least not the kind of home his dad had given him as a kid. Safe. At ease.

 Loved.

  They fell asleep that night like that. Lying on the couch, Foggys arms wrapped around him tights and close. His head tucked in the dip of her clavicles. Curled into her and knowing with absolute certainty that she wouldn’t ever let him go.

Matt woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes and the annoying tap of Foggys fingers on his cheeks.

 “Wake up sleepyhead. The pancakes are getting cold and I don’t want to hear you whining about it”

 For a second Matt had refused to open his eyes even as the corner of his lips were pulled up.

 “Five more minutes mom”

 “Very funny. Catch me making you breakfast again you ungrateful prick”

 Matt had let out a disgruntled groan but relented to push himself up with an over exaggerated stretch.

 “You owe me groceries for this”, Foggy sing songs, pushing a plate stacked with pancakes, dripping with an unhealthy amount of syrup just the way Matt liked it. It’s one of his most unhealthiest guilty pleasures but fuck him if every bite didn’t have him melt with sinful pleasure.

 “It’s the least you could do with how you had half my ass hanging off the couch last night”, Foggy continues as she digged into her own stack.

 “It’s not my fault your apartment is so warm. I was practically cooking”, Matt had clapped back but was half-hearted and said through a juvenile muffled mouthful of his breakfast.

 “Price of being the little spoon my friend”

 Matt indulged her with an eye roll but he’s much too distracted with his breakfast to keep up the banter. Foggy sneakily pushes the extra plate pancakes forward followed by the bottle of organic syrup that was way too obscenely expensive for her budget but so very worth it to see Matt light up animatedly with a child-like glee at the taste of it on his delicate taste buds.

 They had continued their banter a bit more over a steaming cup of coffee and all the while Matt realizes in that moment that he felt truly and incandescently happy with his life and where he was then compared to how where he was just six months before and a large part of it was because of Foggy.  Karens acceptance of him had been great. But foggy knew him more than anyone. It’s Foggy that despite their decade long friendship, he’d disappointed and hurt and let down over and over and the fact that Foggy was still there, a constant unerring affirmation of his worth. That if there was someone in his life that could love and stick around the way foggy had then life was definitely worth living no matter what it threw at him. Foggy who’d given something no one else had. Not even Elektra.  

Matt truly and utterly realize that Foggy at that moment, after so much time and effort on both their parts, truly knew him better now, more than anyone ever did. And with it Foggy had given him something he hasn’t felt since his dad died

And its not just the happiness. It’s a deep rooted and affection of what they have. Of what they’ve built through it all. . It’s a fondness. Its an appreciation. It’s a love that has driven right down to his core, so deep that its become part of his being. Its… wait… oh…. OH….. oh shit.

[shiningmystic]

Pick-a-card General Tarot Reading- What do you need to know? 🧐☀️❤️

~ By ShiningMysticTarot 🌞

Hello lovely spirits! My name is Elpitha and I will be giving you general information on what you need to know right now! Know that whenever you see this, it will apply to you. If not now then later 😉 This is a message from your spirit guides, angels and your galactic family! Mother Earth popped in as well to give you some guidance! Hope your days have been full of happiness!

Now for the cards:

Pick a card

Pile 1: Fluorite

Pile 2: Red Jasper

Pile 3: Tigers eye

You can pick more than one if more are calling to you! There is definetly a mix of energies so possibly pick another one of the other doesn’t apply! Don’t be afraid to pick another pile if more than one calling to you! When I pick a pile; I close my eyes and use my third eye visualizing the cards and seeing if a pile is “heavy” with energy like if it’s dark and heavier compared to the others or one that’s springing up with energy and “floating” compared to the others. From there I usually see one of the other or both if I need extra guidance. I’m sorry if you can’t use visualization as a key component in sensing out piles but that’s just a way for others who do visualize. If any of you non visualization people want to let me know what you do, I would love to listen and learn!

Pile 1:

Your Numbers: 5, 55, 2, 11, 3

There is a need to balance your masculine and feminine energy (yin and yang). You have been way to focused on “the doing” then anything else meaning you are rushing ahead and not listening to your inner self that might be trying to tell you something. There is some avoidant energy like you are so busy that the negativity can’t affect you but your missing the call to stand still and listen to your heart and soul. Make sure to take a second to stand still and let your mind quiet so you can understand why your emotions are out of wack or just not coming to you clearly. I can see you are not feeling to good and you don’t know why even though you are taking your responsibilities seriously and taking the steps you think will lead you to the right place or just need to be done. You are not recognizing the amazing things you have accomplished and how much work you have put into whatever you are doing. This rushing energy makes you miss the wonderful things that are happening infront of you. Don’t just let your mind take control. Your mind shouldn’t be the one in control aka being the pilot of your life. Allow your intuition to lead you. Your mind dismisses your accomplishments and tells you you can do better and try harder when you need to nurture and know you have accomplished a lot; slow down!! There are some answers you are seeking and the only way to acquire them is to listen to your inner self and your spirit guides who want you to hear them! Your answers are within not outside of yourself. You have all the time in the world even though this plane of existentce is measured by time, know that any age you are, you have enough time to do what you want and accomplish anything you desire. Using your mind as much as you do hurts your creative spirit and you are losing track of your truest self which is a creative infinite being! Ground yourself and always remind your brain that you do have enough time. Any age you can start over and any time you can redo your projects and get to your goals! Start something new that you have always wanted to try especially if it comes from the heart! Feed your yin energy! Things that are not meant for you will fail/fall away so don’t force it. Just know that when something falls away, that leaves room for something even BETTER to come into your life which could be anything from an idea, situation or person. Your past failures and experiences are not going to repeat if you have learned from them and know to not be afraid of them anymore. Your inner strength is massive and you are such a strong person for doing what you think is right; but now is the time to seek the answers within. Other opportunities will present themselves to you if you take a moment to listen. Watch for the synchronicities and know you already are the answer ❤️ beautiful human!

Pile 2:

Your Numbers: 8, 88, 5, 9

First off, you are doing amazing!! But there is guidance here to not take your work to seriously! It is dragging you down; possibly add some spice to your life with a creative project but don’t forget about your goals that you have been working on. There is a sense of growth and learning some type of lesson recently. That’s awesome!! Some of you have already taken the time to relax and and recuperate and I’m glad you recognize this as something important. This is a call to others to take a step back and relax! Simplicity is key to happiness! The time is now to have some fun! Let your inner child come out because they have some wisdom to share! You have everything you need to start over and do what your creative spark has been telling you. Some of you have been to scared to put your creative ideas out there and make them a reality like being called to create a Etsy shop for your art or something you’ve wanted to post or create into something more than what it is. You have all been growing at a steady rate from your inner guidance and now is time to take the next step into fully becoming your true self. There is a need to let go and be vulnerable which might make you scared. That’s ok! We are human and our egos only want to protect our delicate hearts. But is it really living if we aren’t even fully our true selves! If you don’t know who that is make sure you listen to your soul and inner child; they definetly know! Your are such a creative and beautiful soul never forget! There is a need to break from the conditioning of the world around you and open yourself up to the possibilities that only a child could imagine. Everything is possible never forget. Ground the best ideas you have and begin the process of creation. Remember to do things from the heart and keep your values/integrity in tacked when you become wrapped up in everything; your true self knows you will do your best work that way. Keep doing things for the right reasons especially if there is passion behind; it will be key to your success. For some of you, you are definetly in a place where you are feeling suppressed; like a person or situation. Know that there will be something coming your way that may change that situation and that believeing and trusting that the good is only around the corner will help ease the stress. Trusting in yourself and your guides will help whatever you are manifesting into fruition. Be aware of the possibilities, and know that you are an infinite person that does not need to stay the same everyday. With an unlimited soul we have the ability to change from day to day. Maybe today I want to where pink then the next I go all black! It doesn’t matter what others perceive you to be like how it doesn’t matter what the world thinks you should be. What matters is what you think of yourself, and from what I see you are such a gentle sensitive creative spontaneous fun loving energy! Let the flow encompass you and let the love of your loved ones, spirit family and yourself fill you with power! Gorgeous soul!☀️

Pile 3:

Your Numbers: 0, 1, 11, 4, 3

I can sense your in a uneasey energy! This is a time to let go of the past and past regrets! Don’t let it be the thing that holds you back! Those situations will not repeat again! This is a time to trust yourself and or teach yourself to trust so that your spirit family can bring opportunities to you. Take that leap that you are afraid of but want to do so badly! There is a need to change your perception of those past events. Possibly some healing work for some of you. They happened so that you can learn something; maybe to not do it that way again or even that it wasn’t something right for you. Things fall apart so better things can come in. Keep a positive attitude and know a positive shift is occurring! Believe! I’m getting an energy of you feeling alone and that isn’t true! Your friends, guides and loved ones from the other side are always beside you. Passed loved ones you have lost on earth are next to you sending there love and support ❤️ you are afraid to take the next step; know that is ok! Just know that path is right for you, sometimes the path we are afraid of is the right one. Dont give up and work towards your dreams. Know that if you take that first step and work towards it, you will succeed! Your happiness and freedom is worth fighting for even if your fighting yourself for this oppurtunity! Sometimes we are our biggest bullies and obstacles. Know that you are WORTHY of all the good things coming to you! Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a person on the physical plane as well; like a mentor a friend and I’m also getting coworker? I think that’s specific to someone out there. Possibly someone you have started working with. But anyways, I can say with full confidence many signs, synchronicities, gifts, money, and love are on there way right now in the most unexpected places! Your manifestations are coming to fruition, don’t let that fear be what stops them dead in there tracks! Even when there is a set back, that is just another stepping stone to success! Life is not a straight line but one that shifts constantly like water spilled on concrete. Your spirit team is always there to support you even in the hardest moments. Stay strong and know you got the chops to conquer that fear! Your powerful just remember that!

Alrighty! Thank you for your time and energy my glowing spirits! I hope this helped you one way or another and I highly recommend you go take a walk to shed some of this heavy energy you guys have! Take a breather! Anyways I love you all, stay warm and keep being beautiful 🥰

[hidiingplace]

TODD HEADCANON + FOX VIGILANTE OUTFIT

general. okay i’ve been wanting to do this HC for AWHILE now but I’ve only recently found the perfect recourses for his fox-suit revamp. I’m going to break this post down by each picture/equipment and talk about the properties of each peice and then I’m going to talk about the functionality of the suit overall. HERE WE GOOO.

mask. okay so there are TWO fox mask pictures, but thats because one appeals the the shading aspect and the other refers to the shape of the mask. The first (far left) mask is a perfect example of the colour and shading on the mask. Distinct black ears, white trim, darkened eye holes. however the second mask (far right) is a more accurate shape. Because The Fox’s abilities are rooted in speed, it’s important that his ears are not massive and able to catch wind. even though he’s magical and it doesn’t really make a huge difference, it would be a nuisance to constantly have your head pulled at by the wind catching the ears of your mask.

logo. the middle picture at the top is the Fox’s logo. Originally he didn’t have a logo at all, but when people in NYC started showing their support by slapping a specific fox tag everywhere with his slogan ‘I ain’t no hero’ all over the place, he kind of leaned into it. The logo sits in the centre of his back.

claws. the Fox has very sharp claws, which are technically his only TRUE weapon. The Fox does not use knives or batons or anything, but it doesn’t make him any less deadly. The claws are sharp enough that he can cut glass enough to weaken it, slice through thinner metal, and definitely slice through flesh. it’s important to note that the Fox HAS killed people before, whether it was accidental or purposeful the public doesn’t really know 👀

necklace. The Fox’s necklace is the ONLY thing that Todd and the Fox share entirely. Tehy share aspects of one another, but the necklace is really the only thing that does not change AT ALL from his life as the Fox and his life as Todd. This necklace is the beacon through which The Fox and Zipp’s magic resides –– similar to that of a genie and it’s lamp. The Necklace is the only thing that Zipp’s illusion magic cannot affect, and thus it is something that if you are up close with The Fox, you may recognize. However, the Fox does an excellent job of wearing high collared suits that help hide the necklace pendant from view. but every hero makes mistakes from time to time. 

shoes. meant to look like your average wear, these shoes are actually more custom than they look. The laces are tight and unable to be untied while in the suit. In addition, the bottom of the shoe is INCREDIBLY sticky. This helps for both free-running, climbing, and also just straight up speed. Having good traction means having the ability to be far more agile and quick on his feet.

suits. The Fox has two suits, one for summer and one for winter weather. these suits are both designed from the same material, and give the Fox adequet protection. I’m going to explain each suit’s properties now.

summer suit –– this is the far left suit (i’d recommend clicking to see the full suit). it is made of thinner lyrca material with leather at key impact points such as the chest, his knees, and his hands/wrists. The longer glove on the right hand is there because when he does his free running and climbing, he often will use his elbow/forearm differently (either for support or to hoist himself up) so it acts as extra protection. This suit is sleeveless, and as I’ve covered before, the illusion magic The Fox has makes Todd’s tattoo’s disappear and make him look tattooless. As mentioned above, the leather vest if so extra protection against his most vulnerable section of his body. The x across his left bicep is actually as way to add additional support from a pervious injury, plus it just looks cool. his suit has multiple mesh components, and this is to help breathability in the hot months. If you’re a runner at all, you know that a lot of running pants have ventilation through mesh or other lighter materials. The mesh around the Fox’s upper thighs act in this way, ventilating his body so he doesn’t over heat. The mesh on his right arm is there for the same purpose, seeing as that is his dominate arm and he will likely use it more and create more energy/heat in that arm. both suits have the circular orange bit on the back, and this is where his logo sits. 

winter suit –– this suit is esstentially the exact same as his summer suit with some minor adjustments. There is no more mesh or exposed skin, and instead the full length sleves are made of plyable leather to keep him warm in winter months. There is an additional leather jacket that sits over his vest that clips in the middle to keep it from flying open and being annoying while he’s doing vigilante things. the pant portion of his suit is made of warmer material, but not leather as it would be next to impossible to run in leather pants for any length of time. the opening from the end of his rib cage and the beginning of his pant line at his hip is purposeful for better movements like twisting, bending, and contorting which he does a lot of in his fighting style and free-running movements. in the winter he trades his shoes for some clean, ankle height boots so as to allow for extra warmth and traction in the snow while also allowing him free movement in his ankles while running.

extra notes –– the Fox does not have any strap on weapon holders, and his design is sleak. The throwing knife/weapon holds at the knees in the middle and right photo are not of the Fox’s suit as it would do him a disservice while running, fighting, or even trying to slide into places he shouldn’t. The Fox also has complete control and creative freedom with his suit. His suit looks this way because it’s how he chose it to be. As a result, The Fox can easily switch from winter to summer and vice verse in the blink of an eye.

functions. as as I’ve discussed in other HCs, The Fox is a magical super hero. think sailor moon without the flamboyance. his magic comes from Zipp, the celestial spirit fox who has protected Todd since he was about 10 years old. Zipp’s magic is contained outside of his body in the fox necklace that Todd and Zipp share. When Todd transforms into the Fox, Zipp needs to be inside the necklace on Todd’s body. The first thing that appears is the mask, and then magic spins outwards from the necklace, coating his body with it. The suit allows healing in all the ares where the suit covers him. It’s not instant, but it’s mild enough to generally keep broken bones and internal bleeding from becoming a huge problem. In order to change out of the suit, The Fox must remove his necklace or his mask –– the Fox generally removes the mask as it’s far easier than removing the necklace from his suit. 

illusion. The Fox only has the ability to use illusion magic when he is fully covered in his suit. meaning that Todd’s identifying features, like his tattoos and piercings, will not disappear until his suit is fully formed. the whole process doesn’t take very long (between 1-2 seconds) but it’s long enough that if someone saw him do it, they could likely identify him later. in addition, Todd’s eyes go from their bright blue, to absolutely glowing and slitted like that of a fox. in addition, Todd’s filed down canines go from noticeably a different, pointed shape to a much longer and sharper point to resemble that of a fox.

[7ella7]

Choosing submission.

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years.  We got together as teenagers and there’s a lot of love there, but it hasn’t been easy.  We semi-recently had a few fresh-start moments.  A cross-country move, some extremely beneficial marriage counseling, and a pandemic to bring us into the same space 24/7, and all three have been awesome. (I’m not saying the pandemic is awesome, just the extra time we get to spend together.)  

I recently got super vulnerable with him and shared that I want to submit to him.  I’ve always kind of known that I’ve been drawn to the idea of being subject to a man.  I like the idea of being told what to do, how he wants things done, when he wants things done, and being expected to meet his expectations or accept the consequences.  It would help me to know and understand what he wants/needs as well as give me some additional structure.  There are so many things I find appealing about this, but I don’t really understand why/where it comes from, but hopefully over time I’ll be able to understand it better myself.

I told him 2 weeks ago.  We’d been talking about our sex life and how to begin to really re-engage in that relationship aspect with one another after some challenges we’ve had.  I was reading some things online and eventually came across a podcast called Over The Knee and the tumblr pages of @amysubmits and @cynicaldom (Thank you both so much for writing).  It was like a lightbulb went off.  I’d read about domestic discipline before, years ago, and we had tried it for a couple months after we had gotten married, but the way I tried to live submission caused problems in our dynamic.  What I didn’t get from the DD sites back then was that it was okay (or necessary even) to still have my own thoughts/opinions/wants and to express them.  I think I was trying to focus only on what my husband needed/wanted, and push down I wanted/needed.  It seemed at the time like me sharing my wants/needs with him would somehow make my submission less real.  Then, when I listened to the OTK podcast and read their tumblr pages a couple weeks ago, I felt like I understood so much better how a real couple could actually do it successfully and showed me that a submissive partner is not the same a passive partner who lets the relationship and the Dominant partner’s wants and needs be the only thing that exists between them.  It’s a full relationship with active involvement and communication on both sides, but with a power exchange component.  They both make a point about how important it is for him to have that information from her.

It had been over 10 years since we had tried domestic discipline before.  The whole dynamic just kind of fizzled out pretty quickly due to the issues with how we tried to go about it.  We hadn’t talked about it since.  I was so nervous to talk about the idea of trying again that I started the convo through text message.  I sent the text, but we were both in the same room, so I went to clean something in the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye when he read it.  I built up my courage and went back in, but he was still watching TV.  He’d turned his phone on silent and didn’t get it for another hour and a half (it was low-key torture).  I would alternate between different tasks and watching TV with him, trying to relax about it, but feeling like that paragraph of a text message put so much of me out there that made it difficult to even breathe normally at certain points.  I was scared that he wouldn’t be interested at all and that it’d be shut down, but more than that, I was scared that he’d think I was weird and ultimately shut me down, not because he would be cruel about it, but because it had taken so much to be that vulnerable.  It could have been crushing.  I have a really hard time opening up about things like this, and I’m more than a little shy about things that tie into my sexuality.  Yes, even with my husband.  However, marriage counseling and a recent book I read have helped me to be able to make some important moves toward embracing vulnerability.

When he did get the message, he started by reading the tumblr pages, and we listened to an episode of their podcast.  When we talked about it later that afternoon, he actually said he liked a lot of the basic ideas, but he had a lot of questions for me about why, what motivations I had, what I ultimately wanted from the dynamic, etc.  It was a start.  We’ve had maybe 3-4 conversations about it in the last couple weeks, and yesterday we started discussing an initial agreement.  When I asked him what areas of our life he’d like to have authority in, he said he’d like to eventually have my submission in everything.  (It made my heart happy.)  The main things we discussed which areas of our life I’m ready to submit in fully (home life, sex life), and a couple that I am not ready to hand over yet (work life, food, clothes).  We’re trying to be intentional and start slow so we can kind of grow into this.  We also discussed a few rules and expectations that we’re interested in starting with.  We have plenty of ideas, but are starting slowly with 1-3 rules.  I haven’t seen the agreement yet, he’s in the process of writing it up (which also made me happy because he’s taking ownership of some of the process already).  So I wait.  I feel excited and happy and nervous and fluttery and tingly a lot lately.  We’re just at the beginning and we haven’t even officially entered an agreement, but I wanted to catch these events and feelings before we move further into the journey.

There’s like a million more things I could write, but here’s the bullet list for brevity’s sake- and maybe I’ll be able to revisit and expand on some of this later:

I am feeling nervous about diving in- I feel like I’ve wanted this for so long, but what happens if I’m a horrible submissive or really struggle with my stubbornness when it comes time to show my submission through my actions?

I have a markedly higher sex drive than I’ve had in years- I feel like I have the biggest crush on my husband.

Also, somehow while I’ve routinely hated doing things like dishes for the past... well forever I guess.  But when I think about doing them for him, it turns me on a little bit.  Idk if that’s a thing that lasts, but I would love it if that sticks around, haha.

I wonder about how he really feels about everything.  I know he LOVES the idea of traditional gender roles and he’s been clear about that for a long time, but I’m not sure where he falls on the idea of providing discipline.  Is that something he could end up eventually liking?  Maybe not the actual punishment itself, but the effects of it?  Idk.

I wonder how we’ll do- will we be able to avoid some of the problems we had in the beginning by being open communicators even when it’s hard?  Will he stay consistent with me?  Will we both feel the dynamic and value it enough to keep working on it over time?

I worry about being the spouse that brought it up.  I don’t want him to feel like he has to do this.  There are definitely things in his makeup that make me think he’ll be a natural.  I was drawn to him even in high school because he is a good and traditional man.  We share a lot of the same values.  I know a lot of his views align perfectly with this dynamic, but it’s asking a lot of someone to take on that Dominant role.  I just hope that he will find fulfillment there for himself, because I couldn’t continue to ask him to do it if it’s not something he decides on his own that he wants.

I am super happy that I found Tumblr and so many awesome blogs where people have shared so openly what their dynamic looks like.  It’s a great help to feel like there are others out there.

8 June 2020

[beautybranding55]

Artistic Beauty Branding

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Our strategic course of and shopper insights turn the usually subjective creative process into an objective one. The results have been award-winning, attention-getting, and revenue-generating for our purchasers. Each of our shoppers involves us at a different stage in the brand development course of.

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