#but also somehow cunty. idk why

[crunchchute]

willy wearing those new year glasses except it’s 2014 ones bc they ran out of 2024…

sorry this is not quite the pizza you ordered But im working with a timeline here. so i went back in time 10 years. happy new year 2004

[silouvertongues]

my brother is obsessed with op and he's been trying to get me to watch opla and i really didn't wanna but then he literally made me sit with him and watch it and tbh . bit of a slay i'm a little bit attached to the silly little pirate babies

[cabeswaterdrowned]

Mark and Julian’s relationship makes me so insane the first time I read the books I don’t remember feeling that way about it? I think I payed most attention to Ty&Livvy + Ty&Jules + Livvy&Jules out of the dynamics so those stuck out most in my memory there are also shifts in what’s focused on most in LM vs Qoaad so that’s part of it but like… Mark and Julian is so funny and compelling to me because they do not understand each other at all! No scene encompasses how much Mark does not get Julian like the scene post whipping where Jules goes on that speal about how he wouldn’t want to live if Emma died and knows it’s not healthy but he might do what Malcolm did for Annabel if she did did and Mark is like “no my baby brother you are too good a person you would never ever do something like that ik you don’t mean any of it” had me in stitches ajdjdj as a reader who’s been in Jules’ head and knows that yes, he absolutely did mean all of that (codependent king love him for that <3). And then in LoS there’s a scene where Mark is tasked with watching the kids and minor things go wrong (well I mean someone does get injured. But for Shadowhunters that is still p minor) so he’s like “oh my god Julian would Never have let things go wrong like this he would know exactly what to do” bestie no… he wouldn’t have known better he would have just faked it till he made it and never let anyone know he was struggling to begin with lolz. That’s not even getting into the Emma thing which is just a whole cycle of them projecting their own feelings onto the other person Mark assuming Julian loves her platonically because he does and Julian assuming Mark’s would be in love with her because that’s normal existence to him usually I don’t care for set ups like that but this one is fun somehow.. and that scene after Emma and Jules argued and then fucked in that cottage so Jules comes back in a good mood and notices that Mark is constantly on edge around him because he’s accidentally been so snippy/cunty to him since the fake dating started and he’s like “oh have I been that bad?” And then tells Mark he’ll be cool now because he knows they weren’t really together Andjjd. also they’re both sooo bad at being teenage boys in completely different ways so the juxtaposition of their traumas is fun “I don’t understand how to be a teenage boy because I’ve been raised to be a “feral” (only using the word because they use it to describe Mark so many times in the books) creature and feel trapped by being among humans” vs “I don’t understand how to deal with teenage boy emotions or think through that aspect of life so I repress all of them while clinging to my responsible adult mask + using my political strategist wiles to get through life”. Idk why but I just really like their whole thing…

[gloria123idk]

Female TWST

I am a huge women lover. Like its obvious at this point I love women. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. IM. ON. MY. KNEES.

Thats why I shall type main Twisted Wonderland cast as female, because y e s. Btw they personality wont change much, I am just changing the looks

Riddle

Im already huge simp for Disney Queen of Hearts so yeah... Its gonna be worse. I think F!Riddle would be either a short haired or VERY LONG HAIRED. No inbetween, probably long haired so her mom would do this weird smartass haircuts (Like the bun she has herself.). Also girlie is still short, Im so sorry girl you aint getting high shelves soon (I love short girls)

Trey

OMG. GIRL IN GLASSES. YES. Also, Trey can cook and is basically, like a parent to anyone, so his female version would be taken by STRAIGHT MAN. NOOOOOOOO. That not good. Also, I like to think F!Trey would have a very average hair, that never go below shoulders

Cater

I once saw Gyaru Cater art, I inhaled this into my soul. Cater would be either, this Gyaru like girlie on her phone 24/7 (Like Yandere Simulator bullies), OR an average TikTok girl, that uses slang a lil too much (I am more into Gyaru version myself, BUT WHATEVER.)

Ace

The first thing that came to my mind is that F!Ace has very VERY long hair, that she ties into a braid (Like Raiden Shogun kind of length), just so when she turns around fast, she would hit anyone behind her with that massive ass braid. Like, that sounds like very Ace thing to do tbh??? 😭

Deuce

Here I cant decide if Deuce would delinquent era as a girl would still be a delinquent, OR a mean bully girl. Because, those two are kinda the same breed 😭. But if delinquent: A fucking one side shaved (lesbian ahh haircut) and now Deuce is trying to grow that shit out. If a mean girl: ... Do you guys know Heathers? :3

Leona

I shall inhale BUFF WOMAN, WITH MY WHOLE SOUL. Like, F!Leona would have that 6 pack, my friend said she would have big booba, but GENUINELY, I cant imagine that, like FLAT QUEEN. Also, the same as Deuce, one side shaved, with a fucking tattoo, also the hair side has a little silly braid

Ruggie

A chin length hair, with a shmol ponytail behind, like... Shmol shmol. Also I imagine F!Ruggie to dress as a man sometimes, because: DID YOU KNOW THAT FEMALE HYENAS HAVE PSEUDO-PENIS—

Jack

F!Jack the buff tall woman with a wolf cut. Please. MAKE THIS A THING. I BEG YOU ALL. I BEG ON MY KNEES. Also maybe F!Jack would be a lil bit shorter? Because she-wolves (or whatever you call it in English) are shorter than males? Idk, I was sleeping through biology classes

Azul

OFFICE. SIREN. F!AZUL. Thats all I have to say, hair in a bun, glasses, and cunt mixed with formal look. Azul is somewhere between spectrum of F!Floyd and F!Jade, because as F!Floyd is more cunty, F!Jade is more formal, so perfect balance

Floyd

As I said, Office Siren F!Floyd, but... MORE CUNT. And by this I mean like... Bayonetta level of the cunt. Also, a quite long hair, that are either in ponytail, or nothing at all

Jade

Idk if I can call her an Office Siren if she's the most formal out of the 3, but sure, whatever, lets make whole Octavinelle serve cunt in industry. F!Jade has shorter hair than F!Floyd, and they're always somehow tied up

Kalim

Do you know those silly girls, that go to parties every time, do tiktok trends, do many different hair styles daily, shares her things with everyone, and may or may not be into things that may be considered cringe? Like hobby horseing? DO I NEED TO SAY MORE.

Jamil

Mental support girlie. "Girl's girl" girlie. Yes— Like, yes. F!Jamil would have this kind of karen mom sense of fashion, if you get what I mean, also cardigan at ALL TIMES, if she wont do the "grandma cardigan" move ITS NOT F!JAMIL!

Vil

Funfact: When I imagined F!Vil I basically imagined MY FUCKING BULLY FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL 💀. WOW. F!Vil got that style, got that fashion, got that tits (Im sorry, I needed to type that. That was stronger than me). Curly long hair, many different hairstyles, bro is basically now nicer Velvette from Hazbin Hotel (How many references and comparing I already done. Holy moly)

Rook

I recently realised that, if Rook had a little longer hair, he would be basically Yumeko from Kakegurui, so lets go with that, because Im ain't fucking with his ugly ass hair cut. Rook would also be taken by straight males and called YANDERE 😭 Another nightmare to my collection...

Epel

Tomboy. T o m b o y. Tom-boy. TOMBOY. tomboy. T O M B O Y. Need I say more? F!Epel would AND WILL look like a man the same way Epel looks like a woman. I am not taking this back. Let that shit sink in.

Idia

Discord kitten or this one girl you hear at 3 am in Valorant that rages over shitty players and just cuses everyone out in the most diabolic way possible. No inbetween. F!Idia would look like Sucy from Little Witch Academia, with longer hair tho

Ortho

Robo-girl? Yes. For F!Ortho I think she would be the same as normal Ortho, with just more shaped hips, and that's basically it? Nothing crazy, I mean you can play a little with his design, like make his ,,shoes" look more like heels, but other than that?

Malleus

Starting with hairstyle, do you know Raiden Mei from Honkai Impact 3rd? Like... Herrscher of Thunder? That's basically this kind of hair cut, no one can tell me otherwise. Also F!Malleus this kind of girl to fight and beat your ass in heels 😭

Lilia

He already looks like a girl. So F!Lilia would be a little bit more... Manly? But in like... Female way? I dunno, Lilia is complicated person. In her general era she would have a very short hair, buzz cut even, but in current era, she grew some balls and now she can even tie it into ponytail (Also another girl to beat your ass up in heels)

Sebek

F!Sebek fits in both long hair and short hair. For short hair I would go for like basic shoulder length that is always tied up (you know, for fight), for long hair I would go with same concept, but more for tying similiar to the one that has Charlie from Hazbin Hotel (the new design)

Silver

... Hair that looks short, but are actually long due to nearly invisible ponytail in the back, that's basically like rat tail hairstyle. No. I wont elaborate. (Ngl, that shit is lowkey good for fighting) (Probably Lilia fucked up her hair)

(holy shit what did I created)

[osachiyo]

Obsessing over the idea of painting the BSD men's nails

Painting Dazai's a teal to match his bolo tie (he'd want to paint yours too (they look bad and he hates having to wait for them to dry, they're already smudged before you finish his other hand

Doing an entire skincare routine with Chuuya, he gets a nice cunty red (has to be bribed a bit, but he'd love it after)

Atsushi with a yellow or purple to match his eyes

Painting Kenjis with cow spots

Fukuzawa doesn't get it but he sees everyone else with painted nails and wants to join in (he gets a forest green to match his clothes <3)

Tachihara with a red or olive green (Red for HD Tachi and olive green for PM to match his coat)

Convincing Oda with the kids' help and it's a huge mess, but he gets a pretty burgundy

Fyodor getting a dark purple almost black (He hates it and needs so much convincing, gags every time he bites his nails and makes you take it off after a few days)

Nikolai gets a different color on each finger because he can't choose just one (it looks horrendous but he loves it)

Sigma with a white base and purple iridescent flakes (He'd love it and paint your nails in return, and unlike Dazai's they'd look absolutely perfect)

Bram knows what nail polish is and that it's pretty but??? Why do you want to paint them??? He lets you and Aya do it and they look gorgeous

Jouno cringes and shivers every time you put a new layer on (the polish is cold) so he makes you do something simple and you just do some pretty red french tips (To match his hair)

Tetcho just vibing and doesn't mind it, black with nice pink accents that match the color of plum blossoms for his ability name

Brainrotting so hard rn

NO WAIT I LITERALLY LOVE THIS???

dazai would LOVE to let you paint his nails (only if u let him paint urs in return) !! and choosing teal to match his bolo tie is adorable ! also you're so right about him being terrible at it tho, like he'd somehow manage to get the nail polish literally everywhere BUT your nails 🤦🏽‍♀️

THE SKINCARE ROUTINE WITH CHUUYA IS SO ACCURATE — imagine putting facemasks on each other while listening to girly pop music 🤭 and the fact that he has the money for the expensive skincare stuff 🥰 oh and he'd look SO good with a cunty red shade, his hands are so pretty ugh bye.

atsushi is so cute, i wanna squeeze him to death :( i think he'd totally match yellow nails !! (with maybe little cute tiger stickers on them? :)

ALSO IMAGINE AKUTAGAWA WITH BLACK NAILS??? *plays emo boy by ayesha erotica* he’d look so good 🫣 maybe add little red streaks or some skulls on them — adorable !!

personally, i’d put nail polish on fedya just to stop him from biting his nails. i can just imagine him forgetting about the painted nails and biting them out of instinct and immediately recoiling back from disgust after tasting the chemical lmao

NIKOLAIII YOURE SO RIGHT HE’D CHOOSE THE MOST TACKIEST CLOWNISH COLOURS 😭 and u can’t even be mad bc he looks so giggly and excited to try them on :( he’s such a little shit while ur painting them for him too — like man won’t stop squirming for 5 secs and eventually u have to yell “BITCH STAY STILL” and he’s like “hehe 😜”

i’d add more but your descriptions are so accurate idk what else to add 😭😭

[foggieststars]

Girl Charles and Girl George both make so much sense and it’s because they both have such girl coded trauma (also I feel like they get the closest treatment a man could get to sexism in sport. somehow or other)

ldjkfsldf they both suffer from men not taking other men with beautiful hazel eyes and long eyelashes seriously syndrome...whatever u say sweetheart

no but fr idk why i chose george it just. felt right spiritually. i just feel like she'd be sooo cunty and yet maintain the pathetic wet cat image. i also have like. a Very drafty galex au which would be adjacent to this fic with girl george so. much to think abt

[curoopeez]

I'm watching fnaf through perfectly legal means, and I kinda want to liveblog it, but I also don't want to have to put a spoiler warning while doing it, so I'm just gonna talk under a readmore and put the whole thing in a single post

This is probably be the first blood already. I wonder if that's phone guy

Is it too early for someone to say it's bite of 87ing time and bite of 87 all over the place?

I wonder if they got actual children to draw the children's drawings

Holy shit an opening credits scene I haven't seen one of those since I took my dad to watch James Bond no time to die

Ooh that guy was reading a book on game theory I wonder if that's an easter egg to nod at MattPat

Oh that's Mike!

My mistake it's a book on Dream Theory. I think that was an easter egg too though, there was a theory that fnaf 4 was just a nightmare for a while

Well someone is in trouble

Ok the game Michael chased the job on purpose to hunt find his brother's soul, so this is already a pretty big departure from the source

I wonder if that Abby is gonna end up becoming puppet. It would be tragic, but better than the crying child

Is he trying to lucid dream?

Nope

I wonder if this Michael's dad is not gonna be the William Afton of the games

Wow this Jane is a massive bitch

Oh that Steve guy must be the new phone guy

Ngl I might have studied the games lore a little too intensely

Well that's omnious why was there a tape with his name on

Aw fuck the first jumpscare got me

No no no no get back to the room

This guy thinks he's Gregory to wander around and face the animatronics

There they are

Oh great it's still haunted haunted

Did that kid trip at the same time he did? Does this mean anything?

Matthew Patrick!!!!

HE SAID IT!

Oh what a traitor

Poor Doug free him he's trying very very hard to not do anything

Dude wake up you need to witness this

Oh the it's me in the mirror. And Foxy or whatever

Vanessa? What the heck is she doing here? Well as long as she stays away from bunnies ot should be fine

Vanessa tgat is not what you had just said but I'll forgive it because we're finally getting some animatronic action

Her lack of professionalism broke the animatronics. Freddy says if she's legally untouchable she's morally unfuckable

Wait if the place gets trashed out of his shift thats not his problem. Plus he had a witness of how things were when he left

Ok this deaths are pretty goofy but it's a pg13 movie so I guess they have to be

Chica and Bonnie were somehow so cunty when they looked at the camera after sending the cupcake like yas girlies

Wait I just remembered this is happening during the day. Are this animatronics opposite to the game? Peaceful at night and hostile during day?

Girl you went there to commit a crime don't follow the child

WhAs tHAt ThE BIte oF 87?!!!

Oh right Mike's family drama I almost forgot

Well at least it seems this Mike still likes cartoons

Is she... giving him a chance to speak? Maybe she's not as much of a cop as I thought

Oh so he was trying to repeat that dream

Maybe William was kidnapping kids to save the mom instead of the crying child (I forgot his name)

No do not take the child to the job you fool

Well the children are already possessing the animatronics so there must already be a Puppet

That fucking Baloon Boy again

No girl stop do not aproach animatronics

At least he understood it fast

Do not say that to a ghost you idiot

Awww this scene was cute.

Ooh the thick plotens

Abby is such a child "I've been talking with ghosts all this time, can I have some soup?"

Vanessa acts like she has genre awareness and she's trying really hard to keep it lighthearted

Shit don't tell me that's Circus Baby we do not need her in this story

Vanessa did it ever occur to you that people might do what you want if you just tell them whats going on

Idk who that pharmaceus farmastist doofrsmith doctor degree was but I'm pretty sure it was a cameo

You can't really say "they're gone" to a bunch of ghosts

Wow the ghosts are also a bunch of assholes

Did Abby stay in her room all day? She must be starving.

Oh no... look back Jane... oh well

Dude don't take an unnacompained child

Vanessa what are you doing here. This ain't cute anymore

Oh!

Dude stop rizzing up the exposition dump go do something

I wonder if we'll get beakless Chica. Just once. Just for me

No do not go in the ball pit it's not worth it

Springtrap!

Holy shit he's still alive inside the costume?

🥳officer down🥳

Oh this is a nice slow and painful death

I wonder if in the end we're gonna find out that Garret is Puppet. Unless that suit they tried to put Abby in was Puppet

[synesindri]

Bestie I want to hear your thoughts today about adamnick

hehehehe yey <3 i'm about to talk too much

What made you ship it?

i just really fucking like the concept of vessels. i think it's so neat. i want to know so much about everybody who ever said yes and why they did that and what kind of experience they had and how they feel about it afterwards if they survived. i think they should be weird, i think they should feel barely human and have a hard time relating to people except each other anymore. nick is such a cornerstone for my understanding of vessels and angel-vessel dynamics and adam is such an interesting guy who has had so many things happen to him, and i was rotating them in my mind separately for a long time before eventually going "what if i rotated them in my mind together?" and now here we are.

i think i landed on them instead of nick/jimmy or whatever other options for a few reasons, one being that lucifer and michael are weird about each other so their temp vessels might as well also be weird about each other (albeit differently), another being that neither of them has living ties to the world anymore whereas jimmy does, and another being that the hints of their personalities seem compatible to me? like obviously we don't know a ton about either of them from canon (esp only s5 canon) but nick uses his two seconds of screen time to be DEEPLY sincere but also kind of an even-tempered sarcastic bitch, and adam uses his to be skeptical and cunty but also strongly motivated by a desire to be with the people who deserve his love and to do Right. those are similar enough that it made me feel like there could be some chemistry there that would manifest in, well, the dynamic i ended up giving them lol

as usual i'm on the fence about whether i ship them or if i don't ship them and just write about them fucking sometimes lol but i think what got me started on feeling like it is legitimately a ship to me (and not just two shells of guys who need to reconnect with their own bodies somehow) is that adam is dead but not anymore, and sarah is dead, and that's complicated. the mental image of adam lying in bed next to nick having a quiet flashback to being killed bloody in a way that is in some ways similar to how nick's wife was killed bloody did something to me. there is a lot of tension for adam about whether nick has room in his head to care about adam anymore after having loved and lost so spectacularly at least twice, and inevitably that becomes a question about "am i wife stand-in" — and my answer to that is generally, no, but kind of. and that's a bit ugly, but it's also hard not to think of it as shippy, when i consider it that way. What are your favorite things about the ship?

(this hinges on the fact that they are an extreme rarepair made up of characters i like a lot who have very little screen time who never met each other in canon so i can kind of do whatever i want 😂) i have an inexhaustible need to play with situations that are simultaneously grim, mundane, and gentle, and holy shit are they the perfect set of dudes to enact that. they're SO not the main characters; they get to make it up as they go or they can decide to just sit down on the ground and rot; it's all up to them; there's no pressure and they have no real reason to care about anything anymore, and yet.

(i also just. personally get a lot out of writing them. idk it's like...it's good for me to think about them as two facets of one being, not really understanding each other in a way that can always be put in words but that coordinate well, who hold each other up and help each other find little nice things to hold onto in a life that might feel aimless. good for my relationship with age as well, how people are different and the same at different ages) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

i think my most unpopular opinion about them is that they are shippable 😂

[novemberdevils]

OH MY GOD necer mind that I will not annoy I actually I will because I somehow forgot the main point of me coming here to talk about the fic.

THE FUCKING CHARACTERS?? Gushed about the race weekend and forgot the characters, if that isn’t a sign that im an f1 fan I don’t know what is, ANYWAYS. The Ferrari golden boy who is scrutinised by the media for being the person who will bring back glory, to bring them back to where they belong and the redbull star who races to race and not please anyone, who isn’t the Media Darling in the way Jack is and haven’t been told he doesn’t belong in a Place he gave everything to be in simply because he is European, the other Drivers-Poor Checo has lestappen in real life and nicojack here he can never escape the third wheeling allegation- and im glad to see even here the Interviewers are asking stupid questions it’s like a preview for the Las Vegas gp.

I like the way you have written both of them, it’s so true to them that I can picture them as drivers rather than hockey players dress up as drivers-try imagining Jack with a thick neck it so unsettling but so funny 😭😭- I also liked how you have written Carlos so kudos to you for making them believable characters.

also a couple of questions do you have a form of who is leading the championship and the points of the wcc and wdc? If you can and it’s not a bother for you to post them? I have mine but I don’t know how accurate it is because of the whole fastest lap point and who is leading the wcc. Also of you have a calendar because im curious of where each race would fall on what date.

and thank you for forgetting the sprints they are my mortal enemy and I want them GONE

thank you! yes! i'm glad people are liking my characterization of jack and nico lol i had a moment about 50k words into writing it where i thought i might have made a bad call but i wasn't going to go back on it at that point. like maybe i should've made jack the cunty one and nico the one who cares too much about his image but sorry i like writing jack pov fics where he's kind of pathetic about everything. i love you inertia!jack <3 also the Only American thing became very important to my Narrative from the beginning which meant i was lowkey limited on which nhl players i could stick on the grid. that's why there's about a million canadians. i have a whole grid but idk if i've actually made it clear who all is driving and for what teams... it is a mix of real life f1 drivers and nhl players. and me making shit up. it's a mess

i also have a half-assed indy grid in my brain. more of it may come to light through the eyes of trevor and also jack gives more of a fuck about indy than he should (bc i also really liked indy when i was into racing lmao this is a Very self-indulgent fic)

I LOVE MAKING THE FAKE REPORTERS ASK DUMB QUESTIONS it amuses me greatly. and it will continue. they're all dumb

carlos is so unneccessarily fun to write. how apparent is it that i've been writing it so jack Exclusively refers to him as 'sainz' in narration when he's mad at him. ferrari is beefing like 62% of the time

and to answer your question i will be So real i have a very detailed spreadsheet of nico and jack's points but everyone else is a great big mystery. the lengths i had to go through to do the top 5 after suzuka (iirc it was suzuka?) was honestly ridiculous i should go through and write down at least the positions i've already canonized in the fic bc i'm kind of just trusting no one will surpass jack or nico in a way i haven't explicity planned for. wcc i have no idea i do know red bull was leading for a bit there after carlos did an incident with bedard but then i lost my marbles for it. in all fairness i literally Forgot russell won in suzuka until i was reading the chapter back... like what was that. he has too many points i think. i will say i really only bring up fastest lap when it's relevant (like either nico and jack get the point, or i think i had jack ask about a fastest lap point and someone else had it?) and other than that idk who got it. but point is if i don't specify who got the point it 100% wasn't jack or nico. they're busy

yeah my bad on the sprints but i don't miss them. i think it would have been too much anyways, now that i'm super deep into writing the fic. by super deep i do mean 100k words. godspeed

[chappell-roans]

the taste 😘 here r mine. bolded is my number 1 rn and i added some notes (if ur gonna cheat I am too lol)

ts: so many bops for a debut

should've said no

our song (side note she looked so fucking good in this music video idk what hold those fake curls and DCOM prom dresses had on her because she was born to be a cunty straight haired victoria secret girl)

honourable mentions

picture to burn (I hate that 👏 stupid 👏old 👏pickup👏 truck 👏you never let me drive 💃)

teardrops on my guitar (its a classic we must pay respect)

the outside

fearless: again, such a bopathon

forever and always piano version (superior version im afraid)

the way I loved you

honourable mentions

tell me why (such a good song to describe toxic partners and how insidious and common emotional abuse is)

you're not sorry

speak now: a third bop has hit billboard sir

if this was a movie (great chorus although i just realized the lyric is not 'come back to me Eli' lol) (usually one of the below would take this place but im feeling it rn)

never grow up (crying 😭 and its most constantly my fave top pick and won't fall out of the running ever)

honourable mentions

dear john

better than revenge (its problematic and its the cuntiest song shes ever written, the duality of man)

haunted

long live (its so cute i love it)

red: excuse me? I need to report a boppery

all too well (is anyone surprised?)

the lucky one (all hail joni mitchell)

honourable mentions

the last time

come back… be here

girl at home

1989: jesus christ… that's Jason Bourne a bop

wildest dreams (she owes lana for this)

style

honourable mentions

blank space

I wish you would

reputation: don't have a pun L moment :(

Don't blame me

I did something bad

honourable mentions

Getaway Car

Dress

Lover: somehow palpatine the bops returned (thank god)

Cruel Summer (she's an icon she's a legend and she is the moment)

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince (has currently dethroned cruel summer)

honourable mentions

Death by a Thousand Cuts

Cornelia Street :(

folklore: the bop n roll hall of fame

illicit affairs

my tears ricochet

honourable mention

seven

hoax

evermore: certified triple bop (most difficult to choose)

no body no crime (so good like omg netflix limited series when??)

champagne problems

honourable mentions

willow

gold rush

tis the damn season

midnights: no bops head empty (lmao not really I just don't really listen to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

would've could've should've

the great war

honourable mention

you're on your own kid

midnight rain ( all you had to do was stay's sexier older sister)

ttpd: the tortured bop department: pitchfork (5.5/10)

the albatross

the bolter

honourable mentions

I can fix him, no really I can (in an alternate universe theres a lana version of this song that would eat us all up)

Florida! (florence is an angel on earth)

and scene

uhsdnjczdsf cannot tell you how much i enjoyed reading this you got some good laughs out of me, and you have good taste to boot! like i have nothing to add but pitchfork took me out also like. amazing. made my morning thank you anon

[ah-woo-ga]

I was such an arsehole when I was younger.

The worst part is, I don’t know why. I bullied and was so horrid to the people who were the nicest. I messed with the people who were there for me, put em down, made em feel worthless.

All I want now, now I’m older and smarter and that version of me is almost 5 years dead. All I want now is to see those very same people, the ones who hate me for how I was then, even to this day.

I want to see them succeed. Succeed knowing I destroyed and changed them, for the worse.

I could apologise a million times, it’s never gonna be enough for my horrible, vile actions.

I just want to see Henna succeed. She deserved success and I destroyed part of her. I destroyed her kindness and compassion. Someone who was open, could talk about anything for hours, someone who actively cared about a lot of things.

I bullied and pushed and pretended until she gave up, and then when I started to realise after almost 3 years how much damage I was doing. It was too late, I’d destroyed not just our friendship but also our relationship, the relationships with those around me.

I craved control and power, and I tried anything to take it. I wanted to cause that damage. I wanted to see how far I could go knowing I could fix it at the time.

Turns out I couldn’t. Couldn’t fix it. Couldn’t change how I was acting and I got addicted to being angry and a wreck.

It’s only now I realise I hated my life, and those few good things I had, good friends, an amazing partner who really did love me.

I remember her trying to convince me to fly up to see her, how desperately, and how happily she would tell me “you could pay us back over time! I just want to see you.”

Imagine having someone willing to pay hundreds just to see you, to fly you across the world and see you because they really did love you.

I smoked weed heavily, and she’d worry. Ask me to stop, she’d say I need to quit because she genuinely worried what was happening in my head. To my health.

That’s someone who loves you.

But instead, here I am after waking up years later, still dreaming about my fuck ups years later.

It’s actually because of these events that I changed so much. I worked so hard to not be that person now. I was a dumb kid, 18-20. Literally a kid who knew better but it was like drugs, getting to lash out, getting to fuck my life up. Idk how to describe it, but it was genuinely so hard to just be nice.

I was addicted to this thought process that I’m constantly at war with people around me, I hated them for no reason because I believed they all hated me. I’d hate you as soon as I saw you.

I think somehow my brain just collapsed on itself one day. One day, randomly, I just started being a horrible person. I hated people forvtheir differences. For who they were, kind of for no reason.

Trans? I hate you. non-binary? I hated you more.

Gay? I’d bully you. Slightly Asian? I’d make racism jokes. Anything I’d turn into ammo to hurt you. Because, for some twisted reason, I found it funny to do that, as a joke to me.

But now? Now I work hard to put good back in the world. I hate hearing and seeing those same things I used to hurt others.

I refuse to talk down to others in any capacity. Not even as a joke because I don’t want to hurt anyone else like I hurt her.

I was a kid, I made mistakes, big huge crappy fuck ups. I was a kid. A kid who apparently was okay with hurting and destroying the few good relationships they had.

If I could turn back time, I’d fix everything. Change who I was and I’d have been kind. I’d have loved harder and been less of a jerk.

In my head, I destroyed that girl. That poor, amazing and kind girl got buried by a teenage me for fun and if I could I’d kill him for it.

So I did, I buried that bastard version of me and spent time making up for my Cuntiness because I wanted to respect that memory of the person I had, who I still care about.

I know full well I can’t take back what I did, so I am working towards what she wanted for me when she cared.

She wanted me to be kind. How do I know?

She asked me what happened to me when it started. I never gave her a straight answer when she asked why I was turning into that person.

So, I want to be like she wanted me to be: loving, kind, compassionate. Non-judgy and understanding and patient.

I truly believe right up until I cheated on her with her best friend, despite all my cuntiness. I believe she loved me still, even despite my horrible, disgusting, sick behaviour.

I believe she cared. She’d ask me to come see her, offer to pay when I was flat broke, she’d try and clean up my anxiety, which is partially what made me so messed up was that I was scared my whole life, and I didn’t want to be anymore. I thought making others scared, by being horrible was a fix. A fix for me, and it was for a time, but it destroyed me like a virus.

No, I shouldn’t blame my emotions. It was me, being weak and wanting to feel in control, I’ve never been more OUT of control in my life.

That’s why I spend my life now, every day, trying to love humans, others and myself healthily and with passion. Because nobody deserves to be treated like a dog like that.

She gave up so much to save me, tried so hard and I spat in henna’s face. So even to this day, years when I don’t think about it for months.

Every now and then I hope that she’s good, I think about who I am and what I did and I will never forget the horrors I put to that poor girl.

Apparently, me being this way is me being a pussy. No, I was extremely violent then, now I’m so anti-violence. I’m the opposite, now I just want to talk. Now, I just want to talk, apologise, express and figure out why I was the way I was because that behaviour didn’t just appear.

I was damaged, scared, in pain and weak both mentally and physically. I felt I had no place. I pushed that pain onto others who deserved only the best, like Henna and Stina.

People who cared and were there for me.

So this is for them, the people who tried when I wouldn’t.

I am genuinely thankful. I didn’t understand then, but I see now. I’m sorry it took years for me to become better, and fix myself. But I am infinitely better because of it.

It is unfair, I caused you both magnitudes of pain and upset. And now I get to be okay, so I hope you know that your sacrifice, even if you hate me, you gave me hope years after I threw it back at you.

A part of me wants you to know I might be a pussy if that’s what you want to call me, but you’d be proud.

You’d be so proud of me because although it’s too late to stop what I did and said to all of you. It was still those words and actions that I cast aside that pulled me back together, years later but still.

I truly hold love in my heart for you and all those I damaged along the way, you did not deserve the pain and hurt I gave you, and I would offer my apologies to you. But instead I offer the same words and help you offered to me:

I will always be here if you ever need me, even to shout at me for the pain and things that I did to you. I can’t make up for the pain I caused you, I can’t take it away. But I can make up for it, I can be there for you, I can stand beside you and tell you that despite how hard I tried to bring you down, hurt you, crush you into nothing. You have made me so proud, you have taught me so much from the past and I truly love you for saving me from myself.

I was an ignorant, horrid kid. this was my journey to becoming and understanding how to be better.

[shoujoboy-restart]

Me: "Wanting the same tax money used to falselly accuse 55% of the black population of crimes[...]"

You: "okay so I'm just gonna say one thing to that whole wall of vibes-based reality-ignoring bullshit"

Me: lol guess the stats of black people being mistreated by the system is just vibes-based and not base din reality at all.

You: I VOTED FOR OBAMA TWICE HOW DARE YOU I DONT EVEN LIKE SAYING THE N-WORD!

I admit to a gaffe of mine, I don't know if the avalanche of false incrimination and incarceration of black people does amount to 55% of their population, but they are both the majority of incarcerated people and 50% of criminal exoneration which again allm funded with public money that could at least be giving people some free of charge insulin shots once and while if you ask me.

But Oh how good is to know you not acknowledging anything I said must mean it was never said to begin with, I bring up uo black are emjstreates by the system, you like a very mature and grown adult of course, lump it together with the whole "vibe based" comment to hand wave my arguments, I defend my opposition of black mistreatement with stats in specific to comments you made, and now I'm about to get lynched for speaking out of time I guess sorry massa.

You dont invest yourself in a conversation yet want to interact to it like a smug cunt still, I respond to your smugness cuntiness in relation to what was actually said which you didn't care to acknowledge to begin with, but them you lose your fucking shit and start crying because your bad faith in argumentation makes you look bad and you have enough self awareness to aware of it somehow.

Make generalized statements, get mad at generalized critique of your statement, very mature much grown of course.

> You just grabbed at a handful of subjects that made you viscerally upset about The State Of Things and chucked them at me like a handful of gravel.

Which you ignored, basically said the gravel doesn't even exist, actually that gravel itself doesn't exist at all low-key when it comes to me in specific, I mocked you for acting like the gravel didn't exist, and now you are mad and overly defensive because your own tactic makes you look stupif and bad faith.

> everything that makes you upset is supporting evidence for every single thing you are upset about no matter if they are related or not.

Me: if the USA has enough money to make majority of their incarcerated population not only a specific race but falsely accused at a minimum of 50%, bail out corrupt corporations and financed for profit warsz they could give some free insulin once and a while idk.

You: lol nothing you said is real therefore I don't have to acknowledge it lmao yolo hehe

Me: lol guess there's no racial injustice, for profit wars and corporate corruption/complacency

You: HOW DARE YOU MAKE THIS CONVERSATION ABOUT RACE OUT OF THE THREE THINGS I DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE YOU ALSO MADE THIS ABOUT IN THIS CONVERSATION! I VOTED FOR OBAMAAAAAAAA!

Why are so obcessed about race my guy uuuuuh, I also "unnecessarily" made this conversation about three other "unrelated" injustices funded with tax dollars while healthcare isnt, two times actually, okay you believe I made this conversation about unrelated subjects, so why exactly is race the one you need to huff and puff over uuuuuuuuuuummmmmm? *I say with a Grinch-ian smug face*.

Against you interact snuggly and dismissively to a conversation, I attack your smugness in relation to things in the conversation, you hyperfocus on one thing because of god knows why, somehow I'm the villain and you have justified anger over your lack on good faith. Awesome.

> [a whole bunch of smug commentary again attacking my character because you didn't want to interact properly with your oppsition] Why do you think that "improving health care and giving people more worker rights" was what made the CIA think someone was dangerous?

There's immense comedy that when I talked about the CIA and other USA government agencies financing a military dictatorship who's one of its organizers was Colonel Carlos Brilhante Ustra who when he wasn't repressing anti-dictatorship and leftist groups, was raping and molesting children and torturing pregnant female activists with electric torture, and your immediate reponse is "wait what danger did this country pose to the supreme and righteous ideals of the CIA?!? IM SURE IT WASN'T VIBES-BASED RIGHT?!?!"

Good to know you can match my schizo in complete opposite lmao.

> What does ANY of that have to do with ANYTHING in a conversation about observing what a specific Communist was saying to me?

...yeah what does it have to do? If there's another person involved in this conversation I guess aren't immune to your power of "lacking acknowledgement means it doesn't exist" like I am, like it's just the Anon making a argument you agree with and your vague generalized response, you successfully removed the opposition from your arguments so idk why you are still so obcessed about them lmao.

Like do i have to scroll on your blog since it's inception, learn about all your beefs and rivalries trought the years , all of that for the privilege to interact with the usual tired "acshually universal care is slavery because no capitalism bad" anemic ass take? Okay, then guess you are a important internet person, sorry I will fix my attitude next time for you.

"EVERYONE WHO DISGREES WITH ME IS A TANKIE THAT HATES MONEY AND THE LORD'S TRUTH" ahh tags.

I don't get how people can believe that doctors are overworked and how medical industry is hellish about worker rights, but expect medical researcher to invent a cure overnight without any pay whatsoever

but if they want to be paid, that's capitalism

people being paid for the work they do is exploitation of labor